#as my regular period pain but it's still ass

[lonesomedotmp3]

um tmi moment. but I have been on the pill and yet have basically just been having my period for the past week. maybe longer actually. and ppl are just like oh well bleed through is normal! OK WELL WHAT ARE WE DOING THENNNNN WHY AM I TAKING YOUR STUPID PILLS!!!!

[guhhhhhhhhhhh]

I'm so mad that the one medication that keeps my endometriosis under control and keeps me from waking up in the middle of the night literally crying from pain, and also makes me only have my period every three months, also has made me gain like,,,,,20-30 lbs in the last year. Like. What a cruel tradeoff. This feels like one of those would you press the button challenges

[strang3lov3]

For Science

Soft!Joel Miller x Fem Reader

Summary: Joel’s heart breaks at your misery when you’re on your period, so he does what he can to alleviate your pain. 

Warnings: Fluff, smut, blowjobs, fingering, awkward Joel and Reader, period cramps, period sex, unprotected PIV. sweet sweet joel. Mutual pining

W/C: 4k

A/N: For all the menstruating Joel girlies, this one’s for you. And me too, because this shit fucking sucks. Admittedly this is very self indulgent. This isn't my favorite fic, but I hope you guys like it anyway. I feel like it's devoid of a lot of typical period fic tropes so I am unsure if y'all will enjoy. Have a great weekend!

btw, send me an ask or comment if you aren't tagged and would like to be! mwah kisses love you all <3

masterlist

as always, please leave me a comment or reblog if you liked the story! i am desperately in need of validation

Knock knock knock. “You okay in there? Haven’t seen you at all today, honey,” Joel asks as your door swings open slightly. His brows are knit together and his soft eyes are big and worrisome.

Joel hates seeing you like this. You’re huddled with your knees curled into your chest on your bed, trying to will away the pain. Your hands are clutching your stomach, you’re quietly moaning in agony. 

“I think I’m getting sick,” you rasp out, your voice weak. It started with a dull ache in the pit of your stomach that didn’t seem to leave. Then came the nausea. 

“Sick, hm? Can I come in?” Joel asks you. You nod yes, and the door opens wider. His footsteps are soft towards the bed as he sits next to you. “Let me check you for a fever?”

You nod again, not having much energy to use your voice. Joel places a palm first on your forehead, then your cheek. Not satisfied with the results, he repeats the action with the back of his hand. It’s such an unexpectedly sweet and caring gesture, your eyes prick with tears. 

“Not terribly warm,” he mumbles. And then it catches his eye: that rusty bloodstain on your bed, heavy and concentrated to a few square inches. He leans over to check your backside, where he finds the stain mirrored on your pants. “Think you started your period, honey.” he whispers. 

The cramps and nausea feel all too familiar now. 

You hadn’t had a period since the beginning of your trek across the country with Joel and Ellie. Not that it was a super regular occurrence before that, but you often gave your food to the younger girl. Being so malnourished, your period disappeared. It was a welcome exit, your period was always exceptionally painful and miserable for you. 

“Oh,” you move your hand to your ass and press your fingers into where you think the bloodstain should be. And yup, there it is. “Shit.” you grumble, looking at the matching bloodstain on your blanket. The last thing you wanted to do today was laundry. 

Your cheeks heat up slightly. Hiking halfway across the country with someone, modesty is usually thrown out the window. You and Joel have seen each other in all sorts of intimate states, too intimate for the type of relationship you share. But still, you can’t help but be slightly embarrassed.

He must see your blush. “Hey, it’s alright,” Joel assures you softly. “I was gonna go over to Tommy and Maria’s anyway to do some laundry. Why don’t you let me wash your blanket and those clothes, hmm?”

“You really don’t have to, Joel,”

He ignores your gentle protesting. “Nonsense. I’m gonna give ya some privacy for a second, leave what you want washed outside your door. I’ll be back in a few hours,” 

You smile gently, scolding him in your mind. He doesn’t need to be doing all of this for you. He smiles back, warm and shy, before exiting your room and shutting the door behind him. 

You strip, changing into some sweats and fresh panties. In the bathroom are some reusable pads made from old towels that Maria gifted you when you first arrived in Jackson with Joel and Ellie. She gave the last menstrual cup to Ellie, who’s at school today. You put on a pad, toss your soiled clothing outside the door, and curl up with a book on your bed.

Joel lets himself inside Tommy and Maria’s home. Yes, there’s a community laundromat. But those often require socializing, which Joel is not much a fan of. Tommy and Maria generously offered you and Joel their to use washer and dryer instead.

He places the basket of laundry on top of the dryer and begins filling the washer with your clothes and blankets, none of his own, and sprinkles in some detergent. 

Joel lied. He did his laundry yesterday. But he knew how ill you were feeling, and Joel, ever the gentleman, decided to take it upon himself to take care of this for you. The grumpy asshole did have a heart after all. 

“Back so soon?” A voice interrupts. Joel turns to look, it’s Maria standing in the kitchen with her baby on her hip. “Didn’t you do laundry yesterday?”

“I did, yeah,” Joel responds. 

Maria notices your soiled panties sitting on top of the blanket she recognizes as yours in the washer. “She got her period, I’m guessing?”

Joel nods. “Yeah, figured I’d take care of the laundry for her,” “Well aren’t you kind,” Maria says, impressed. Not many guys would take care of washing a woman’s period-bloodied clothing. “I thought she might be starting soon. Noticed yesterday at the dining hall she was complaining of cramps and such. She also seemed a little moodier than usual.”

Joel shuts the lid and turns on the washer. “I thought so too,” he agrees. “She was a little irritable.”

Maria puts on a pot of coffee and offers Joel a cup, to which he accepts. For a while they talk about Tommy, then their new baby. When the washer finishes, Joel moves the clothes and blanket to the dryer. 

“I can drop those off for you if you’d like,” Maria offers. “You may wanna get back and make sure your girl’s doing okay.”

“That’d be great, I was actually thinkin’ the same thing,” Joel thanks Maria. “You don’t have any pain meds, do you? Poor thing looks terrible. She’s all curled up into herself, barely speakin’ to me.”

“No, I don’t, unfortunately,” 

Joel sighs. “How do you deal with it, then? Cramps and all that,”

“Well, a warm bath always helps. So does a heating pad if she has that,” Maria says. 

Joel nods his head. “Is there anything else? Tea? Somethin’, anything. I mean, this girl is absolutely miserable,”

“Well,” Maria starts, unsure if she’s ready to reach this level of personal with her brother-in-law. “Orgasms.”

Joel sputters into his mug as he chokes on the coffee in his mouth. “Pardon?”

“Yeah, orgasms. Have sex with her. It’s what I recommend to all the women here. It does help the cramps subside, at least for a bit,” Maria says. Joel’s face drops, his eyes go wide. “What, are you afraid of blood or something? You’re washing her bloody clothes…”

“No, no. It’s uh, it’s not that. We aren’t…we’ve not…”

Maria stops Joel, understanding. “My apologies. I thought you guys were together like that. Well, God gave women fingers for a reason,” she says, very matter of factly.

Joel blushes, images of you and your wandering fingers flooding his imagination. “Got it,” is all he says. No fucking way in hell he’s going to tell you to masturbate to alleviate your cramps. That can most definitely be a conversation between you and Maria another time, when Joel is far away from you both.

He awkwardly says goodbye then, making his way back to your shared home. Maria sends him home with some potato soup, instructing him to heat it up for you. It’s good comfort food, she says. 

In your bedroom, you look to be in about the same position as you were before. Whimpering in pain, rocking your body back and forth in the fetal position. Anything to shake the hurt away. 

“Hey darlin’, Maria gave me some potato soup to heat up for you. Can I make you some?” Joel’s back in your doorway, his tall frame leaning across the rickety old wood. 

“No, thank you,” you whisper. “Not really hungry.” “Figures. That’s alright. Anything else I can do?”

No, you tell him. Not unless he’s willing to be your human body pillow. This entire time you’ve been bleeding, you’ve been aching for comforting touches. Strong arms wrapped around your torso, warm hands pressing on your lower tummy. The other hand holding your own, thumb tracing back and forth on your skin. Soft kisses on your forehead, your hair. You just want to be loved, gently. The way you so deserve. 

Joel turns to leave then, just about shutting the door behind him. 

Maybe…

“Joel?” you call out. 

“What’s up, honey?” 

“I was just wondering if you’d maybe hold my hand. Just for a second,”

Joel smiles sadly through the crack of the door. “Of course,” he says tenderly, like it shouldn’t have even been a question on your mind. Of course he’ll hold your hand.  He meets you at the bed, sitting awkwardly next to you. He offers you his hand, which you take in both of yours. It’s dry and calloused, but so warm and comforting. “Squeeze me as hard as you need, alright? I can handle it.” Joel adjusts slightly so he’s laying next to you, his other hand stroking your hair. He smiles to himself, small and genuine. 

A wave of ache overtakes your body, beginning in your abdomen and spreading up your chest and down your thighs. Your breasts are heavy and swollen and aching angrily. You groan in agony. “Fuck,” you whimper. 

“What hurts? Where?”

“Everywhere,” you cry. Your hands leave his, and they find their way to his torso. You grasp his sides in your fists and squeeze, but he doesn’t complain. It doesn’t hurt, and even if it did, you’re hurting worse. In truth, he’s savoring the warmth your bodies create together. He loves being able to comfort you like this. 

Joel wraps his arms around your back, dragging his fingertips up and down your spine. “You’re breakin’ my heart, honey,” he whispers. “Let me help you. What can I do?” he asks, hot breath tickling your ear.

“I don’t think you want to,” you murmur.

“Try me,”

You sigh, sitting up on his chest slightly. “Can you…massage me? My chest?” 

Joel’s breath hitches and he shuffles awkwardly. “I suppose,” he starts. 

“I’m sorry. I just need your strong hands, I tried doing it myself but–”

“No, yeah. Of course,” Joel interrupts. He’s at a loss for words, more filthy images of you flooding his mind. Just like before, at Maria’s. “It’s what friends are for, right?” He cringes inwardly at the word he uses. Friends. 

“You’re too good to me,” you mumble. 

“Nonsense, honey,” he hushes you. “Sit up, turn around. I’ve got you.” 

You trust Joel completely. He can be rough around the edges, but you know how soft and nurturing he is on the inside. Joel is meant for this, taking care of the people he loves. 

He spreads his legs and you lean back into the soft warmth of his torso, holding onto his denim clad thighs. He’s awkward to start, still unsure of how to do this, exactly. You take his hands and drag them up, up your tummy, stopping for a second to savor the heat from his palms radiating through to your abdomen, then continue pushing them up your body. You stop just before your breasts, his thumbs lightly tracing the soft flesh of your tits.

“You ready?” he asks, his voice steady and calm but slightly nervous. He wonders if you can hear the way his voice is wavering slightly. 

“Mhm,” you mumble. 

And then he gets to work. Gently, timidly, he runs his hands over the soft flesh of your breasts, then your nipples. You groan at the contact on your sensitive buds. He squeezes gently, then increases pressure experimentally. He can feel how swollen you are as he explores every inch of your chest. 

“Doin’ alright?” he asks, fingers and thumbs digging deep into your breasts. He massages you intently and with such tenderness, his gentle caretaking instincts taking over. 

It hurts so fucking good. The ache is amplified yet dissipates with each motion of his palms. “Yeah, harder. Don’t stop,” you plead desperately. 

Joel swallows thickly and increases pressure again. “Like this?”

“Just like that, Joel. So good,”

God, how sinful you sound. Whimpering and moaning for him, begging for more. Shit, not now. Not fucking now, he thinks as his cock begins to harden under you. “Fucking moron,” he whispers. 

“What?” 

Joel freezes. “Shit. I uh, wasn’t callin’ you a moron. Sorry,” he apologizes gruffly. “It’s me. I’m the moron.”

“Why are you a moron?”

“I’m gettin’ a bit hard. I’m sorry,” he mumbles. He feels heat rise up his neck and to his cheeks. “I didn’t mean to.”

“My tits are in your hands, Joel, I get it. I don’t mind,” you assure him. You feel his cock half hard, pressing into your lower back and you shift a little. You both notice how he grows harder at your adjustment.

Joel chuckles awkwardly, trying to break the tension. “I’m only a man, hon. Can’t help it,” 

“You’re okay, Joel. I promise,” You chuckle with him, sighing and resting your head back on his chest again as he starts massaging you once more. The stubble on his jaw tickles your face, his chest rises and falls with every second. You share a moment in the silence, made slightly awkward by Joel’s arousal. You wince as another strong cramp overtakes your body, and you curl up into Joel.

“Cramps?”

“Cramps,” you mumble. “I don’t think you can massage those away, though.”

“No, probably not,” he mumbles. “Not with my hands, at least.”

“With what, then?”

Did he really just say that? You really are a fucking moron, Miller. 

“At Maria’s today, she told me a way to alleviate cramps,” he starts, speaking slowly, like he’s whispering a secret that’s not his to tell. 

“How?”

“Orgasms,” he whispers stiffly. He presses his lips together in a thin line and looks up towards the ceiling. 

“Oh,”

“I could give you some privacy if you wanted to try that out,” he mumbles. 

“Why would you do that?” you turn to look at Joel, who is bashful and looking down. He looks at you with an eyebrow raised, and you continue, “Didn’t you just say you could make the cramps go away, just not with your hands?”

“W-well, yeah, but,” he stutters. 

“I have been so fucking horny. And you’re hard too, so,”

Joel’s eyebrow is still raised, he’s eyeing you suspiciously. “Are you askin’ what I think you’re askin’?”

“You already washed my bloody panties. I’m guessing blood isn’t an issue for you,”

“No, no. ‘Course not. You want me to fuck you?”

“Yeah, you know. For science. For the sake of experimentation,”

Joel smirks mischievously. “Nothin’ wrong with a little experimentin’,” he agrees. You smile at the twang of his Texas accent. 

You share another awkward moment, both unsure of how to continue this scientific endeavor. Joel makes the first move this time. “Come here,” he breathes, lifting you into his lap. “Kiss me.”

You wrap your arms around his shoulders, intertwining your fingers in the grey-brown curls at the base of his neck. His hands are on your waist, holding you steady with your thighs straddling his. He leans forward to capture your lips in a kiss, his lips are slightly chapped but so deliciously soft and warm against yours. He tastes like himself and nothing more, but his taste is addictive nonetheless. 

You grind your pelvis into his bulge, whimpering at the contact on your sensitive heat. You’re craving more than his kisses, needing to feel all of him. His weight on your body, his skin on yours. His member deep inside you, massaging that spot that makes your head spin. “More,” you whine. 

He hums in amusement against your lips, thrusting his hips into yours. Cheeky motherfucker. 

You swat his arm lightly. “Don’t tease, Joel. I need you,”

“I know ya do. Let’s get you warmed up then, hm?” you nod hurriedly, leaning back. Joel pulls you back in for a kiss, his hand snaking under both your sweatpants and panties. “This alright?”

“Yes, fuck,” you whine, bucking your hips into his hand. His fingers dip further, gathering your wetness and circling back up to your clit. He traces slow, steady circles into your bud, taking his time with you. He pushes his middle two fingers deep inside you, fingers curling up and hitting that sweet spot. You gasp and whimper into his mouth. 

Joel loves taking his time with you. Playing with your body like a musical instrument, eliciting moans and whimpers from deep inside. Watching you dance for him, falling to pieces under his touch. 

“So pretty like this,” he praises you. 

You kiss him again and hop off his lap, he pulls his hand away from your core, quickly hiding it from your sight. He doesn’t need you feeling any shame or embarrassment of your body doing what it was meant to do. “Get a towel?” you ask him. 

“‘Course, honey,” Joel sits up and grabs a towel from the linen closet, then walks back to your room. He shuts and locks the door behind him before laying the towel down on the bed. You stand up to meet him, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling off his shirt. He does the same to you, helping you out of your sweats and shirt. You quickly sit down on the towel and he stands before you, cock rock hard, admiring all of the curves of your figure. “Jesus, you’re beautiful.”

You blush and reach forward to pull him to you. “So are you,” you tell him earnestly. He steps toward you and pushes you back, getting ready to enter you. You put a hand on his chest to stop him. 

“Is everything okay?” his dark brown eyes are big and full of worry. 

“Of course,” you say. “I’m not ready yet. I wanted to taste you,” you admit.

Joel smirks.  “You’re the one bleedin’ and cryin’ in pain, and you wanna taste me?”

You smile back. “For science, right?”

“Sure, sweetheart. For science,” Joel sits next to the towel, you lean over his lap and get ready to take him into your mouth. “Ah ah ah,” he tuts, “Like this.” Sitting next to him on the towel, he instructs you to face him and spread your legs. This way, he says, he can take care of you too. 

You lean over, making sure your heat is still accessible to him. Joel leans back onto the pillows and lets you get to work, his fingers tracing up your thigh before meeting your center once more. Your lips part around his member, tracing the soft and warm skin with your tongue. You moan when his fingers enter you again, voice sending vibrations through his cock. “Fuck, honey,” he groans. 

You play with each other like that for a while, Joel working you open with his fingers and you taking him further and further down your throat. His cock twitches, engulfed in the wet heat of your mouth. 

“Stop, stop,” he begs. “Not gonna last.”

You pull off of him with a pop, and his hands leave your body. You whine at the loss. 

“I know,” he soothes. “C’mere.” Once again, you’re in his lap, hovering over his cock. It’s held loosely between his fingers, tip prodding at your entrance. “Ready?” he asks you, his sparkly brown eyes are looking up at you, his eyebrows raised in anticipation.

“I need you,” you whisper desperately. And with that, Joel notches the tip at your entrance, carefully studying your features to make sure it’s not too much, not too fast, not painful. You steady yourself on his shoulders, fingernails indenting his skin. He pulls your hips down slowly, letting you savor every inch of him. He bottoms out with a deep sigh, and you lean forward to rest your forehead on his. 

“Wait,” he interrupts. You frown with concern, and he bucks his hips up. You let out a yelp, partially in pleasure, partially in surprise. Joel pulls the towel under you both. “There.”

You giggle. “Good idea,” you whisper. You stare down at him, a slight smile on his lips. You start to roll your hips, letting your clit brush the thick tuft of dark hair at the base of his cock. You whimper at the feeling. 

“Feel good, baby?” Joel asks expectedly. 

“So good, Joel” you assure him. “You feel so good,”

Joel pulls your body down to his, letting you rest on your knees. He thrusts into you rhythmically, letting you relax against him. “Fuck, you feel nice, honey. Knew you would,”

You moan and cry, kissing and whimpering into his neck. Using your sounds and the way your body reacts to his touch, he fucks you hard, intently, but gently at the same time. It’s delicious. 

You rock your hips, bouncing on his cock to match each of his thrusts. He hits that sweet spot in you repeatedly, he can feel your walls squeezing him, hear your moans becoming quicker, more frantic. “God, you’re sensitive,” he says. “Aren’t you, sweetheart?”

“Fuck, yes,” you whimper. “M’close, need t-to come,” 

“You can let go,” he speaks softly, voice low and gravelly. “Come for me, baby,”

You lean back, lifting your hips slightly to give his fingers access to your clit. He takes the hint and begins circling your sensitive bud once more. It doesn’t take long before you’re falling apart on his cock, your cries and moans muffled as you bite into his shoulder. 

“That’s it,” he coos, fucking you through it. 

You try to take a second to catch your breath, steady yourself, only Joel has something different in mind. He doesn’t stop fucking your pussy, overworked and overstimulated. Within minutes, you’re coming again, your pussy making a beautiful crimson mess on his pelvis and fingertips. Still fucking you, he watches you come like you’re a work of art in a museum. Taking in every detail, every twitch of your face, the way your mouth drops in pleasure, how your tits bounce with each thrust. 

“Too much, Joel,” you cry. “S’too much, please.”

“You give me one more, baby. C’mon now, want you to come with me,”

“I can’t,” you pant. “I can-” 

“Yes, you can,” he encourages firmly. His voice is sweet but stern, and it is clear your pleasure is not to be negotiated. You will come again. “One more, one more. S’all you gotta do.”

“Fuck, Joel,” 

“I know, you’re doin’ so good f’me,” 

It’s almost painful, but you focus on the pleasure building once again deep inside you. You rock your hips, grinding your clit on the pads of Joel’s calloused fingertips. Right there, right there…

“You’re makin’ such a pretty mess of this cock, darlin’. Wanna fill you up, baby,”

His sweet talking sends you reeling, you love the way he praises you. “M’close again,” 

“Right there with ya, baby,” he soothes. His thrusts are frenzied, cock throbbing inside you. “Now, baby,” he commands. “Fuck, need you to come now.”

Moans and cries spill out of your mouth like liquid sugar, thick and sweet and slow. You come on Joel’s cock for a third time, your body melting into his own. He comes with you, his own grunts and moans mixing with yours to create the most beautiful sounds to fill the room. His voice is deep and desperate, sounding like pure sex as he paints your insides with rope after rope of his seed. 

You slink on top of him, focusing on catching your breath. His skin is sticky and sweaty as he holds you in a tight embrace, his heaving chest lifting you up and down. He pulls out of you, a mess of your fluids dripping onto the towel. You curl up next to him, your head on his chest.

“Cramps?” he asks. 

You shake your head. “All better,” you pause, then speak. “But hold me some more? Please?”

“‘Course, honey. For science, right?”

You smirk. “For science,”

You lay like that for what feels like hours, Joel stroking your back tenderly. One of his strong arms wrapped around your body, his warm hand pressing into your back. His other hand is holding your own, fingers squeezing you comfortingly, thumb tracing back and forth. He presses soft kisses to your forehead, your lips. He’s loving you gently, sweetly, the way you so deserve.

tags: @swiftispunk @rosaliedepp @pedrotonin @kittenlittle24 @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @brittmb115 @bigboiseason123 @laysmt @guiltgoreglory @aubreysylvain @leeeesahhh @oliveg95 @ifall4dilfs @alloftheboysivelovedbefore @harriedandharassed @vickie5546 @louisxosblog @southernbe @ravenouswild @luvrking @r02eg0ld @amythenortherner @walkintheprk @zpandaqueen @silkiers @angel-with-a-heart @kdogreads @boofy1998 @theoremrobin @ihatespoilers @2valentines @happy--birthday--kiddo @elissaaa @paleidiot @brie-annwyl @str84pedro @sesigsss @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @palomaluvsdilfs @kyloispunk @tiredbuthappy @yuk-for-president @jazzy-music-cat @anoverhwhelmingdin @dontatmethebeasts @venus122idkpleaze @nopealoupe @blackvelveteen1339 @monboudoir @darleneslane @bbyanarchist @spideysimpossiblegirl

[etoileee]

THINGS THAT SHOCKED ME IN MY PERCY JACKSON DR Ψ

— GREEK

listen okay I know this probably sounds stupid, but I didn't script anything to do with the greek language. It genuinely was so surprising that I could understand it to a certain extent.

My experience was similar to Percy's when he first got to the camp in lightning thief.

I don’t understand it fully of course, the closest thing I can describe it to is listening to brazilian portuguese as someone who speaks spanish, like I think I could have an entire conversation with them simply based on context clues and understanding about 40% or 50% percent.

It's almost a bit frustrating, like, ALMOST understanding it. it's a bit irritating in its way.

— TRAINING

I’m gonna make an entire image about this don’t worry it was so eventful LMAO

that shit was DIFFICULT! again to an extent it was almost instinctual, the way your body moves and having quick reflexes. it's a part of being a demigod, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have to learn.

I didn’t expect it to come as naturally as it did, but I still obviously have a lot to learn.

the prophecy is the people who trained me I had my work cut out for me

— HOW CRAMPS ARE DEALT WITH

they do have things like advil and tylenol, but those surprisingly aren’t what are the post popular painkillers at camp half blood.

there are two options for medications that help with menstrual pain;

the hara cabin make these sugar pills that dissolve in your mouth, these have the same effects as a painkiller but are a lot easier to take then regular pills for us who can’t swallow pills (ME) I honestly like these a lot more than other painkillers.

another option is more long-term, these are from the apollo cabin. they have a specific herbal blend that helps with period cramps and they’ll give it to you to make into a tea and this helps decrease the pain of the cramps over time.

— CAPTURE THE FUCKING FLAG

LISTEN OKAY WE NOW ITS SERIOUS FROM THE BOOKS BUT GODDAMN. WAS IT EVER THAT SERIOUS?

like I don’t think you can understand how serious they take it till you shift there, I wanted to giggle but I quickly stfu when I realized it was life for death for these people. (not literally but it sure felt like it)

annabeth had to pull my ass with her because I was too scared to move around at one point LOL

— FOOD

BON APPÉTIT

the food is a mix of american comfort food, cuisine from around the world, and greek/ mediterranean food.

after training one of the days I genuinely was too sore and tired to get up, while I was lying on the grass jason got up to get me a sandwich and it was literally the best sandwich I've had. I've been thinking about it since I got back from my dr!

I don’t know if I was just so hungry and exhausted that it tasted like the best thing I’ve ever put in my mouth but either way, I inhaled that sandwich

after both training and capturing the flag, there were tables full of snacks and food + water that was nice

[hotchfiles]

↪ kate joyner and hotch were fucking in the period of her appearance, an essay

it's sunday and i have no social life and i think way harder about hotch than a normal sane person should but. since getting into criminal minds there has been The Question (and it wasn't just me! i've seen other people talk about it): did hotch cheat on haley while liaising with kate when she was in scotland yard? i always doubted that because he's not a cheater (but he is A man...), so today i bring you my updated theory: they were in the starts of a relationship before she died. i'm not without evidence. so let's go!

3x20

kate calls hotch on his personal phone, late at night

he speaks to her very casually for someone who doesn't talk on a regular basis and only know each other from a past assignment

jj's reaction shows it isn't common for hotch to go above jj when choosing cases

again, very casually speaking of her, calling her kate only

the apparent common knowledge is that she's a brit but

hotch not only knows she has a dual citizenship, but also which parent is british and which one is american

AND MY FAVORITES

IT ONLY GETS BETTER FROM HERE ALRIGHT

LETS GO

why say that if not to imply hotch has interest in her because she looks like his ex wife who he recently divorced (not willingly !)

AGAIN WITH THE FIRST NAMES! she doesnt call him hotch ONCE. its aaron, from the start. and HIS SMILE. LOOK AT THIS FUCKER'S FACE

garcia's reaction to the informality

now why would emily use this tone if it was to imply hotch is a CHEATER???

no thats the "oh they ARE fucking" tone

this is sort of a reach because hotch worries about everyone he works with but STILL, going from "i know her because we liaised" to this--i rest my case

then this, i didnt think too much of it because hotch can be a bit of an ass with protocol and hierarchy whateverrrr BUT

emily was sooo uncomfortable which shows in fact that wasnt normal behavior

WHY SAY THAT IF THE TWO OF THEM WERENT OBVIOUSLY FUCKING !!!!

is that it? obviously not, i am in fact INSANE so

4x1

THE FLIRTY EYES AND SMILES

AGAIN. HE DOESNT CALL HER JOYNER. NOT EVEN ONCE. KATE. AT ALL TIMES.

THIS WOMAN IS DYING AND LOOK AT THE WAY SHES SMILING AT HIM AFTER SAYING SHES NOT IN PAIN very allison dying in the arms of her first love coded

another detail i like to point out is that aaron is completely capable of walking rn, he could easily walk over to the end of the street to talk to one of the officers there but he just wouldnt, couldnt, leave her alone.

he knows the first responders wont get near them yet, he keeps BEGGING that someone does

and now for my final argument

the way he holds her hand by the ending before putting it back in place

NOW I REST MY CASE

[bonefries]

Outlast Trials | Fanfiction | Mostly SFW + Depictions of gore / little bit of suggestive groping.

The Fox and the Hare | Franco Barbi x (Reagent OC) Sister Elizabeta

This picture is now the cover for this one shot I wrote about Eli and Franco! This is the story about the first time Eli reveals to Franco that she wants to cannibalize his heart. I've never really written a fic before so I gave it a try. (Please go easy on me. Writing is not my first skill.)

(Outlast Trials story, you have been warned.) Writing under the cut!

"5 AM in the Goddamn morning." Franco's voice rumbled from his bed at the less than pleasurable sound of the morning intercom. The crackling static of the Murkoff speaker as it popped on to inform him that he has 15 minutes to prepare before his first appearance of the day.

His blanket would shuffle as he struggled to slump himself forward, clearing the morning gunk from his throat and rubbing the dust from his eyes. Lifting his ring finger to his face, he delicately massaged the thin layer of his eyelid. In this gesture he would push away the pesky tears that pooled along his waterline.

"Marone." He would roll off his tongue in agitation. There are few individuals that opt to run his stage so early before sunrise.

This was, even for him, too goddamn early. However, it was all a part of the contract. On call at whatever moment of the day Murkoff desired. In exchange, Franco is given his milk and honey. The heroin operations intact, his clientele happy and paying, and his protection guaranteed from whomever senior Salvatore may still be trying to throw his way to disturb his little slice of heaven. Though, one did think about the audacity it took for him to be so inconvenienced by waking up early for work. He was, after all, complaining from his large and private bedroom that was custom fitted with all of his nice things. From his silky bed sheets to his hardwood armoire that held his finely tailored wardrobe. The things he can't help but want because of his upbringing in a luxury lifestyle. Back then, young Barbi could have whatever he wanted so long as it didn't require Daddy's love and affection. "Who the fuck wants to be in there at ass crack'a dawn." Franco would take a deep breath, the air hissing through him as he swung his legs over the side of his bed. The already irritated Barbi had no intentions of getting dressed this first time around as he searched his bed for his evening robe. As he sat on the edge of his sheets, he would run his fingers over the side of his head to feel how his wound was fairing. It was a regular issue that he has long since discarded serious care for. The chemicals Murkoff pumped into him at regular check ups somehow managed to keep the infection in line just enough every time. But, it was still a chronic pain. And of course, the dressings he had gone to sleep with were off once again. He could never manage to get them to stick as he would toss and turn throughout his appointed resting periods. At his bedside of course, sat his precious Lupara. He'd grab the gun with a haste most only saw in soldiers hurried to war.

"I'll be fucked if some spunky little cunt is really lookin for a fight this early in the mornin." He spat with a jagged scowl.

If it truly was some reagent with the balls to be so punctual, he wasn't going to give them the pleasure of seeing him in his proper work attire. Hell, the only thing he truly bothered with were his socks and shoes. The small man had every intention of looking ridiculous for the poor sucker he was hoping to find. --------

"Good morning Mr. Barbi." Said the man behind the glass. Waiting for Franco at this gated entrance as always. "Up yours, scum pig." Franco would snarl, with no hesitation and no eye contact to spare. Never had he cared for the authority around him that Murkoff provided. This may be their set up, but this was his turf, as far as he was concerned. Once he was past the gate and through the doorway, he would be in the facility. With Lupara over his shoulder, he would stop to stare out into the distance of the Docks. Searching for anything out of the ordinary.

The morning silence was deafening. “So fuckin early even the rats ain’awake yet.”

Franco stated as he stepped along metal staircases and wooden hallways. The disgusting smell of sulfur, like that of rotting eggs. The fake simulated cries of seagulls and the moist sloshing of water and carnage against the cargo ship. He would make his way to the rising platform that laid beneath the hatch, expecting to find someone perhaps within the bridge. As his footsteps trebled against the metal panels of the floor, his predatory intuition made clear that his prey was not too far off. Something in the air changed, a presence, a frequency. A silent alarm, if any. And it made his trigger finger itch.

But his gut warned him to hold steady. And gently, Franco pushed open a door to the bridge control room. The red lighting in the room would make it rather easy for someone to sit still and eventually slide by quietly. Like a conniving little rat. But this wasn't the case, as the intruder made no real efforts to conceal themselves.

A figure hunched over a box of junk and trinkets. The sound of objects being picked up, inspected perhaps, and dropped back in. Though there was something odd about the way that they did, as there didn't appear to be much urgency in their gestures. At least not the kind that you would expect from most reagents.

"Who the fuck is that!?" Franco asserted. Aiming his Lupara with a ferocity that came quicker than the pull of the trigger.

It wasn't more than a second before the hunched figure rose to their full height, head turning slightly to capture a side eye view of Franco's threat posture. Their gaze presented with a very silent and eerie calmness despite the gun pointed to them.

"Thats an awful rude way to greet 'a girl so early in the morning, Mista' Bambino." A voice with a short fuse for patience spoke out to him. You could hear the small gasp that wormed it's way out of the mobster's lungs after being addressed. Franco would drop his hostile pose with Lupara still in his hand. Motioning his arms forward, he gestured the way one would when asking for a hug.

"Lizzy!" Shouted the Barbi.

The giantess gave Franco the quick up and down. Her eyes hung in a way that made them look so soft, but sad. The same way a Forget-Me-Not makes you feel by it's name.

"Doooon't you Lizzy me buster! Yous was just aimin'that goddamn Lupara at the backa' my head!" Her shoulders would jerk around, a small medicine bottle in one hand while the other put up a scolding finger.

Franco would note that she didn't look like her typical self. While she dawned her ever holy reagent bindings and gear, something was unkempt about her.

Her hair was frizzy and bedridden, her make up was fading and tacky along the features and creases of her face. Loosely fitted from her body was a hand made evening jumper. The material looked surprisingly close to the silk of his sheets back in his bedroom. Lastly her stockings were put on in a hurry. They were already full of tears and holes as they pulled against the shape of her legs. For her that had been good enough, and she had walked into the trial shuttle without any shoes.

The two would walk forward from their respective spots in the room, meeting each other half way.

"No, no, Lizzy! You know I'd never take a shot at ya! I-I ain't seen ya in a week I wasn't thinkin it was you!"

Franco's demeanor would shift ever so quickly to that of a begging pup as he put his hands together. Pleading with Lizzy that he was not out of line. That he did good hesitating before letting his trigger finger do the talking for him. "S-Sugar." He would stutter, his expression failing to show any real confidence in his display.

Lizzy would roll her eyes and shake her head. The finger that did the scolding now gently brushing through the front patch of Franco's hair.

"Yeah well, I didn't have much of a choice Barbi doll." She said.

Her nails gently pushed the strands of greasy hair into their signature swirl on his forehead. The gentleness of her motion reflected in the way it felt. A slight tickle on top of the skin, oh, it was something so minor that could make a man like Franco purr.

She could melt him like butter. His knees could turn to jelly on the spot as she stroked his hair. Like being praised for good behavior while he batted his eyelashes at her. Despite how disheveled she would consider herself in the moment, she was his Madonna. An icon he'd get on his knees to worship while he pleaded for her forgiveness and her blessings.

"One of tha'rookies in my cell block is havin a tough time with a nasty stab wound. I said I'd go get them somethin first thing in the mornin." She explained. The tone of her voice suggesting that she was, in fact, the one looking for forgiveness.

"I didn't mean to wake ya up Frankie- Honest. But yous was the first in rotation today." Lizzy tried to assure him, her fingers clenching lightly to his chin. Making him look into her eyes while she tried to reason her actions to him.

Her hands were so soft, except for her pointer finger. He could feel the callused tip of it, making it stand out against the rest. The spot where she pricked too much from sewing without a thimble or machine guard, surely.

Smitten, his mouth would curl into a dotting smile. How he wished she would give him more than just this simple restraint. Though, the thought would quickly pass as his expression changed. Resembling that of a mean and feral tom cat. Scrunched together, like there was a bad taste past his tongue and teeth.

"Wait wait. You got up at this time for some....random newbie! Lizzy. C'mon what'dya get outta helpin these people!" Franco would argue. He was more upset on her behalf than she was.

In fact, she didn't seem to protest the task at all.

"These people ain't got nothin for you. You fuckin know that. Whats'tha sense in goin through.......through this kind of bullshit! Eh?" The little man would kick his leg limply as he let his fuse run without much thought to his outburst. Lizzy offered no real response other than a puff of air. Her red painted nail would lightly poke Bambino on his nose while she uttered something.

"Look Frankie. You might get a nice cozy spot all to ya'self but I share a parlor'wit a buncha other people. Some'a them need someone to look out for them alright?" The woman didn't say much else other than to point out that it was a simple act of kindness for a wounded stranger. "They're just taking advantage of'ya Liz." He grumbled and grabbed her free hand by the wrist. Holstering Lupara for the moment, a thing he rarely did when he was out and about.

"They ain't workin hard like you do, baby. They're just lookin to get what they can outta ya, and then suck you for every last drop you got." Franco's tone would once again reach a level of irritation. He hissed in a low volume and moved to hold her hand in his palms.

"You can't just go willy fuckin nilly doin shit for these people. They're gonna stab you in the back the second they get the goddamn chance."

The way Franco said it truly reflected how often he looked over his shoulder. One could imagine that he never meant a hand shake a day in his life, or that his fingers surely ached from how often they were crossed behind his back. It takes a rat to know a rat, and he has been both rodent and thief in his day.

"Frankie, you're ova'reactin. It's just a little medicine, sourpuss." Lizzy would puff her cheeks out, unbothered by the assumptions Franco was making. She calmly slid her hand away from his grasp to gesture as she spoke.

"Besides....Gave me a reason to come see ya'didn't it?" She giggled at the statement, her fingers running down the open lining of his evening robe. Adjusting the fabric slightly, Lizzy would cup the side of Franco's face. Feeling the heat from his cheeks that she couldn't see on him now.

Franco just stared at her. His thick eyelashes flickering as he blinked in confusion and bashfulness. He didn't want to admit he had gotten a little overworked about the situation, but he had to muster up an excuse of some sort, right?

"Y-yeah. So what if it did? I ain't gonna thank'em! And now I'm all fuckin worked up and out here in my fuckin pajamas!" The man whined. A wincing pitch to his voice that made one feel like they were fighting with a child.

"Fuckin...mothafucka.." Bambino growled to himself. Massaging his eyelids softly once again to push the waterworks away.

"Aw, my poor Bambino. Always cryin, never'sad." Lizzy would bend down to kiss his temple. A faint smear of red tint from her lipstick that she'd had on since the day before. It's darkness was only visible if you really looked for it under the red light of the bridge. Franco's sad moans would cease after this short reward, but only briefly.

For Franco, especially at this time, it still wasn't enough.

"Mother...May I?" He winced and groaned. The sound he made was pathetic to say the least. Like a pained beast, begging to be put out of it's misery. He ran his hands up the woman's sides, gripping them securely much like the way he would grip his precious Lupara.

Lizzy's eyebrows would raise in surprise by his assertiveness in this moment. She scoffed and shook her head. "You'know I ain't got time't fool around wit' you Frankie." She protested. Looking into those sad puppy dog eyes of his. Lizzy had a strong will, but sometimes the break line was thin. She sighed. "C'mere Barbi Doll. Give mama some sugar." She beckoned him with her finger. "Marone...." The mobster buried his face into her belly without a moment's notice. Whispering sweet nothings into the pit of her stomach. His sweating skin sticking to the cool silk that hung loose from her figure. Nosing at it like a desperate animal in heat. Breathing in her scent like it was the last thing he’d do. "Look at what ya'do t'me..." The words crawled out of his mouth like a bum from the gutter. Desperate and yearning.He could never have what he wanted most from her. No matter how many times she appeared on his stage. A dream that was far off, but he had played in his head one hundred times over. The idea of getting warm and close to Lizzy in such a manner made his heart skip and his head spin. He couldn't even catch his breath to properly word the excitement it brought him. So instead, he tried to show it through physical affections as he tugged Lizzy closer to himself. His hands cusped just under her wide and soft curvature. Lizzy's expression would go from soft to perky and surprised at the sudden affections. “What do I do to you, Barbi Doll?” She whispered the question into the air as the tension built itself up. The musk was thick from the stage’s fake salt and morning fog that poured from machines in the walls. "You make baby crazy, Liz…” He groveled as his legs failed to hold him up any longer. Holding on to her ankles for dear life as he looked up at her face. His palms rubbing past the holes in her stockings, occasionally slipping a finger under the fabric to circle her skin tenderly. He would heave slightly as he leaned forward to kiss at the shimmering fabric. The woman stared intently at his display of affection. At the vulnerable state he was willing to subject himself to so he could hear her affirmations. And all she could do was watch him as he kissed at her feet. His lips were dry and sticky as he peppered trails up each leg. One at a time. An alarm was going off somewhere inside her head. The way Franco appeared at the floor before her made her skin hot and her stomach warm. A smirk would creep at the corners of her face, only emphasized by the red lipstick colors that stained her mouth. “Bambino…” Lizzy said. Franco’s short breaths paused as he made eye contact with her upon his title being named. “You know what you make me want to do?” She questioned.

Franco's eyes would light up at the opportunity to ask her. What did he make her want to do. How did she feel? "Mother...Please...." His voice was eager and hurried, like it was being squeezed from him.

"W-what do I make you wanna do, Mother... Tell me. Please." Franco's head was almost on the ground as he bowed it to the question.

"Mother please." The man child begged.

"Heh.." The tall woman snickered and cleared her throat. The air hissing as it sucked in past her teeth that she bared. And if it hadn't been for the lighting one could swear that she had the grin of a predator. Sharp and wanting. Drooling. Itching to snap down on bone and flesh.

Franco's eyes darted back up as he stared from below. The silence getting heavier and heavier with every second that passed. Waiting for her answer.

Before he could gather the air to speak and cut through the quiet, he was hoisted into the air. Lizzy having put down the medicine bottle to give herself more control and range to handle Barbi.

"My Little Baby Barbi Doll." She sang. She pulled his small body close to her so they were nose to nose. Holding him as if he weighed nothing more than a toy to her. Her facial features formed what could only be described as an intoxicated expression.

"If I had it my way..." She giggle-whispered. Her high pitched tone jittering as though something was very funny to her.

"If I had it my way, Barbi Doll. I'd reach my hand right through that little barrel chest'a yours." Lizzy circled her finger nail lightly over the skin above Franco's heart.

"I'd push past your ribs...until I could feel'ya heart between my fingers. And yank it right outta ya. Tubes and all." As Lizzy detailed the viscera of the scene in her head, you could hear the peak of the pleasure she took in describing it. In some twisted way, it made her heart flutter and gave her butterflies in her gut.

Franco's jaw was nearly on the floor as she hushed her desires right into his ears. They locked eyes, and as his mouth was agape, Lizzy's grin was that of a hungry....wolf. No.

He was the wolf here. Lupara, echoed in Franco's head. He still had Lupara, but he dare not grab for it. He knows how much Lizzy hated when he handled the gun around her.

No not a wolf. A vixen. And right now, Franco was the hare. The foolish hare that laid it's head in the maw of the fox. At any moment she could snap her jaws right on his little neck and do him in.

"I would take a bite outta your heart like a fuckin fruit. Frankie." The woman's lips twitched into a sadistic and hungry little grin and she leaned in close to whisper into Franco's ear. "And I bet you taste sweet. Sugar-sweet. Like milk, and honey."

The sentiment was enough to make Franco's mind go over the edge between fear and arousal. He was speechless, short circuited. Not a clue this side of hell what to say to her.

She sighed a longing sigh, as if she had just been minorly inconvenienced. "A girl can dream..." Lizzy would cut off her thoughts quite abruptly.

Putting Bambino back on the ground, his eyes widened with fear and uncertainty. Was she serious? Franco didn't actually know the answer, but his face was hot and flushed so much so that the sweat dripped from his skin. He took a deep breath and asked.

"Y-you wanna eat me?" He said with little behind the question. His teeth clenched from the anxiety. His mouth hollowed with confusion to Lizzy's true motives.

Their gazes would meet and there was a short pause. Lizzy wiped the corner of her mouth with the tip of her thumb and snickered softly.

"You heard me, Barbi Doll. I just wanna. Eat. You. Up."

She hunched over a bit, lowering herself to his level to place a deepened kiss on his lips. It caused Franco to moan lightly with relief as her touch was a comfort he had been missing for days. His temper was short because he felt ignored. Neglected even. But this was just the pick me up he needed, despite how he came about it.

But, the answer was still unclear. Although it wasn't something Franco saw any worth in dwelling over. Not after the heart skipping moment he just felt with Lizzy. Not right now.

A sickening bond that was ever growing between the two of them.

"One'a these days, Dollie. But not today,alright?" She grabbed his chin again and jerked his face lightly and playfully. His eyelashes fluttered at the motion.

"You gonna walk a little lady to the exit shuttle then?" Lizzy requested.

Franco whom already felt a lingering intimidation radiating from Ms.Lizzy, would hold no argument as he hooked his arm around her waist. He had no qualms with escorting her along with the medicine bottle she acquired.

After all he just wanted to get back to bed. He had thoughts to think over, and desires to dream of before the real trials of the day began.

-End

[vaguesxrrow]

Hey, I already sent one request, so here's a second (your choice which you write first!)

Can I request a Dean Winchester x werewolf! Reader who can actually control when they turn? Like they could choose to turn to benefit a case whenever they want

The only downside of a full moon is that they turn like other werewolves, but atp reader is more annoyed than anything cuz they keep accidently ruining shirt with the claws or be unable to eat a regular midnight snack bc of the teeth

HII <33 i started with this one, because you definitely got me hooked on writing for dean and now im going through a phase LMAO

dean winchester / werewolf!reader

a/n: do i rmb what werewolves from spn are like? no. did that stop me? also no. (resilience, guys!!)

cws: swearing, mild violence, injury, and blood

wc: 982

tags: gender neutral reader, humour, a splash of sabriel, reader during their full moon shift is me on my period minus the pain and crying

"y'know, babe, this would be a really great time for you to wolf out," dean muttered, turning off the safety on his gun. both of you were hiding behind a stack of barrels, trying to avoid getting your asses handed to you again. your lower back was still sore from when you had been caught by surprise by a demon, and had been flung across the room like a rag doll.

you rolled your eyes at dean's suggestion, even as your pupils changed colour to a dark amber.

dean grinned at the sight, clapping you on the shoulder in glee. "hell yeah."

you bared your fangs at him.

"woah, my bad," he said, raising his hands in mock surrender. "save the rage for the demons we got coming."

"then let's go," you growled, fingers elongating into claws.

dean looked at you in awe as you stepped out, the slashing of flesh sounding immediately. "can't believe i'm dating them," he whispered. usually, it would be too quiet for you to hear, but now with your enhanced hearing, it was as if he was saying it right next to your ear. you smiled fondly as the first demon advanced.

dean joined you in taking down the remaining attackers, shooting the ones you couldn't take. soon enough, black smoke filled the air and the host bodies went limp, falling to the floor as the demons deserted them.

you shifted back, sharp claws and teeth retracting with minor pain. turning back and forth was easier now - you supposed it helped a great deal that you could actually control it, unlike the other werewolves you knew. practise made perfect, and you’d had many opportunities to practise, namely when saving dean (and sam) from getting killed. of course, you still shifted against your will every full moon, although even then you still had an impressive hold on your wolf.

"you good?" dean asked you, holding out a hand. you allowed him to tuck you underneath his arm as you made the walk back to the impala. you didn't miss the way his critical gaze scanned your body, looking for any injuries.

"back is killing me, but i'm fine,” you responded. “you?"

"busted lip that hurts like a motherfucker, but nothing worse."

"mm." you smiled. "does it hurt too much to give me a kiss?"

"never." he leaned in to give you a chaste peck, chuckling when he pulled away. "uh, you got a little blood-"

you licked it away, toothy grin emerging at dean's expression. "werewolf. i don't mind a little blood." you winked.

he shrugged in acceptance. "okay. hot."

you shoved him away, both of you laughing.

⌦ ----

as the sun set and the moon peeked over the horizon, you groaned, falling dramatically against the sofa cushions. sam and dean were already sat on the couch, fight club on the tv paused at the first frame, and they shot you sympathetic yet amused looks.

"i hate full moons," you complained, reaching for a piece of popcorn. "in a few hours, i won't even be able to eat this."

sam huffed. "honestly, i'm just glad that's the biggest of our problems whenever you shift. at least you don't go psycho on us."

you looked at him reproachfully, flashing your puppy dog eyes. "but popcorn."

he threw a piece at you.

"i'll feed you when you come looking for a midnight snack," dean supplied helpfully. you looked at him lovingly and 'aww'ed, blowing a kiss. he mimed catching it and pressed it to his lips, winking playfully.

sam fake gagged, standing up. "okay, this couple stuff is getting to me. call me when you actually start the movie!"

"as if you aren't as bad with gabriel!" dean yelled after him. you cackled as sam flipped the two of you off.

⌦ ---

you stumbled down the stairs, wincing as your claws scraped against the wood of the railing, undoubtedly leaving marks. your shirt was torn - a recurring accident that happened every full moon. you cursed aloud upon realising you had worn your most comfortable sleep shirt to bed.

once you reached your desired destination - your beloved kitchen - you stared reproachfully at the fridge, which was notably harder to open with your elongated nails.

"don't punch our fridge," a voice said sleepily.

you nearly jumped dean, arms raised, before realising it was him. "jesus effing christ," you hissed. "don't sneak up on me during full moons like that!"

dean merely yawned in response, opening the fridge door for you. he grabbed out various items, listing them as he went. "what're we feeling tonight? snickers, gummies.. aw, c'mon, sammy put pretzels in the fridge again?"

you snatched the pack of gummy bears from his hand, a single claw going right through the packet so it hung lamely from your finger. you sighed, sounding long-suffering and completely done. dean snorted, taking the bag back from you and ripping it properly.

"open," he instructed, throwing a gummy into your mouth. "loving the edgy, emo look, by the way." he gestured to your torn shirt.

"shut up, dean, you know this happens every time," you grumbled, chewing your snack more aggressively. suddenly, a fang pierced your lip, a small jolt of pain going through your body. "ow, shit." you brought your hand to your mouth.

"what happened?" dean asked in concern.

you showed him the blood on your fingers incredulously. "i split my lip with my fangs! are you kidding me right now?"

he visibly relaxed, relieved it wasn't serious. "more for me, i guess." he shrugged, obnoxiously chewing a piece. "mm, this is so good."

scowling, you dabbed the cut with your T-shirt, which was already ruined, so it didn’t matter. a smirk appeared on your face as you swatted dean, attempting to steal the bag from him. "dean, when i catch you-"

he dodged, fleeing to the living room. "nope!"

"oh, fucking hell-"

[aikoiya]

I just do not understand the insistence that animals must be sentient.

Because if they were, then why are the animals that kill other animals not labeled as murderers?

Hell, why aren't cats seen as malicious, mini, jigsaw killers considering how they play with their food. Why aren't ewes looked upon with disgust for often trampling orphaned lambs that a farmer tries to get them to adopt? Why aren't wolves seen as bullies for hunting in packs to kill prey? Why aren't dolphins more acknowledged for being effing rapists?

If you believe that animals are capable of reasoning, then that automatically makes all animals that eat meat into exactly what humans that eat meat are, thus they should be looked upon with every bit as much scorn as certain vegans look upon regular ass people. And it'd also mean that any animal that hunts is a murderer.

Hell, many animals are cannibals! In fact, plenty even eat the young of other animals or even their own young if they're so much as lacking in B12!

Literally! Mother hamsters are known to eat her own babies if she's put on an all-corn diet! They don't even have to be dying because of it!

You can't claim that animals are all sentient & then not hold them responsible for their actions! That's hypocritical! Because if these animals are sentient, then they are making the active decision to commit these actions & should be held acountable for them! Period!

Seriously, unless an animal is specifically an obligate herbivore, they will likely still eat meat given the chance!

And, whether you like it or not, animals are only as vegan as their options. As soon as times get tough for a deer, it's gonna be eyeing up any little Tweeties or Thumpers they come across. Same with horses, sheep, ect.

In fact, if animals are as deserving of life & respect as us, then doesn't that make having pets the same as slavery? And how do cat owners even justify feeding their pets? At least those that force their cats into a vegan lifestyle are being consistent even though they're abusing the poor things. Those cats aren't gonna live to be 10 years old on a diet like that & they'll be miserable the whole time.

Like, how do people twist their brains into so many directions just to justify their lifestyles??

Seriously, humans are so freaking unique within the animal kingdom. We are probably the only creatures who would do all this nonsense for the sake of critters that honestly don't give an eff.

Like, dude, whatever. You don't wanna eat meat, then don't. No skin off my brow. More brisket for me! But don't moralize your choice & don't demonize those who love a delicious steak.

Here's what some don't seem to understand; those animals are gonna die anyway, whether it's by the hand of man, a predator animal, sickness, or old age. Their days are numbered no matter what. And, quite frequently, they'll still get eaten. So, in the end, what's the difference if a sheep is eaten by a human or a buzzard or a coyote?

You didn't save that sheep's life. You only postponed the inevitable. Because if you're not the one who eats it, then someone or something else will. You cannot stop it.

And it's likely going to hurt regardless, so saying shit like "anything to reduce at least a little bit of the pain in the world" is just pure naiveté. You haven't reduced the pain in the world even a little. And in fact, considering how a lot of animals don't even care if their food is all-the-way dead as they're eating them, you could even say that that animal might end up experiencing even more pain than if they'd been killed by a human.

And that isn't even taking into account sickness or accidents! How do you know that that animal's last moments won't be spent in complete misery or abject fear??

Because one of the things about humans is that, for the most part, we prefer our food dead-dead before we eat it. And we intentionally go out of our ways to make death as painless a transition as possible, even for the animals we're gonna eat.

If we're gonna keep it 100, ya'll. Humans can be some of the gentlest, most merciful killers on earth.

Hell, we have laws against animal cruelty!

And, the thing is, animals... don't. Period. In fact, most don't make it to old age.

So, in the end, your efforts were meaningless.

[cursedvibes]

for the headcanons: takaba and uro

Thank you for the ask and interesting character suggestion!

Takaba

Sexuality Headcanon:

I think if he really likes someone, he doesn't care about gender (like he would like Kenjaku no matter what gender or sex they currently have), but he generally prefers men. In his everyday life he essentially lives and is treated like a gay men, so that's what he mostly identifies as. Like how despite what his partners say he shows no interest or plans to ever marry and have children, it seems to be entirely out of the question for him. You could say that he wants to dedicate himself to comedy fully, but most successful comedians are married, so that's not really an argument. And while having unstable income while you are still relatively unknown is a factor, the reason he is so driven to make it isn't so he can support the typical heterosexual family. Same with his classmate in university, who teases him for being unpopular with girls, which Takaba doesn't care about at all. So he definitely seems used to being seen as some flavour of queer.

I also have this headcanon that Centerman not only made him laugh for the first time, but was also his gay awakening. I mean if you look at the constume and some of the sketches...young Takaba saw Centerman spread his ass cheeks on TV and suddenly felt very funny.

Gender Headcanon:

I think he's mostly cis, but likes to dabble in gender non-conformity by wearing some make-up or dresses both for sketches and privately. I mean, he clearly likes dressing up and had no problem playing around with gender with Kenjaku. I don't think it would've bothered him much if Kenjaku had temporarily given him some boobs. He'd just play along and have fun.

A ship I have with said character:

Pinchan or TakaKen (very surprising answer I know). I didn't expect it at all when the fight started, but those two have become so perfect together in such a short period of time, it's insane. One of the few Kenjaku ships, where I can say that they are actually making each other better. Kenjaku had an immensily good impact on Takaba's mental health. Helped him out of a crisis, encouraged his comedy style and made him reconnect with aspects of himself he tried to suppress. I'm curious how this will develop when Takaba wakes up again and finds out his new partner is dead.

A BROTP I have with said character:

Hazenoki. We've only seen a little bit of them, but I love their interactions. Somehow Takaba is very good at buddying up with mass murderers. Hazenoki is throwing his body parts around and tries to kill Takaba and he's like "friends? 🥺"

A NOTP I have with said character:

Megumi. It's one of those ships where I genuinely don't even want to look at it. I just can't stand it at all. Thankfully the main shipper of it here on tumblr has me blocked and it's not that popular on twt either, so I rarely have to see it.

A random headcanon:

Takaba has connections to the drag scene and sometimes performs with them. That's how he gets some of his costumes, make-up and dresses. They also showed him how to tuck (like the original Centerman), but most of the time he doesn't bother to. Understandable because doing that for most of the Culling Game would be very painful and unhealthy.

General Opinion over said character:

I used to think he was a bit annoying and I didn't see much point in him (although his first introduction was very intriguing), but he's really grown on me and unexpectantly become one of my faves.

Takako

Sexuality Headcanon:

Hmm, hard to really pin down. I think she also hasn't had much time to really explore her sexuality like many aspects of her identity, but I'd say she prefers girls. The men she's been surrounded with don't make anything else very tempting. I think she could use a break from them for a while.

Gender Headcanon:

Woman, but unlike with your regular cis person this has actually been a choice for her to some degree and something she discovered about herself. Of course she has always faced sexism, but due to being robbed of her identity when serving the Fujiwara, she had to redefine or discover womanhood for herself. She does it for example by highlighting her body and not hiding it anymore. Being naked and confident in the body she has is freedom for her and shows her individuality. Her CT can be used to hide herself, which I think she did a lot while working for the Fujiwara, the entire idea was for her to essentially not exist, but she has turned it into something liberating for her.

A ship I have with said character:

Yorozu. They lived at the same time in the same location, but with wildly different experiences. I've talked before a bunch about how I think Yorozu with her nakedness and brash attitude might've been an inspiration for Takako. She was in a similar position to Yorozu, but Yorozu was able to spin it to her advantage and actually gain power and status from it, while Takako was only exploited. I hope that whenever we get another Heian flashback that we will see these two again.

btw, I got this wonderful Uro x Yorozu comic when participating in an exchange event. It's fantastic, you should check it out! Made me love the two all the more.

A BROTP I have with said character:

Kenjaku I guess? Unfortunately, there aren't that many characters she's close to. I think it's interesting that she doesn't see them as solely manipulative and has a kind of positive attitude towards them. I could see them talking politics together and also Kenjaku riling her up to accept a second life shortly before she will be executed.

A NOTP I have with said character:

Yuuta...I don't think I need to say much about that. I already hated their interactions in Sendai. The fact this is even a thing and mostly seems to consist of Yuuta objectifying her or "putting her in her place" already makes me want to bleach my brain...

A random headcanon:

I think she used to wear something similar to shinobi wear while working for the Fujiwara. She can conceal herself with her CT, but she would also cover up her body from top to bottom except for maybe the eyes, so there would be nothing anyone could identify her by.

General Opinion over said character:

Always loved her. I hope she survives the Culling Game and is able to start a new life. Out of all the reincarnated sorcerers she deserves it the most. I mean, she doesn't kill people if she doesn't have to, so there's no danger coming from her. Wishful thinking, but maybe she'll make it out by staying low...

[creamypudding]

The last time I talked on here about my weightloss journey was back in November last year. I figure it's time for an update.

A lot has changed for me since then regarding work, which has really ramped up the stress for me, and disrupted my routine completely.

But, I kept up my exercise. More than ever before do I see the benefit of exercising. When I don't do it I feel stress impact me more. I procrastinate, I feel stressed, I clench my teeth, I feel sluggish and tense. When I do spend time on myself in the mornings, I find I can deal with stress a lot better. I have more patience and I'm not storing tension in my body.

So I have enjoyed continuing my exercising.

But then winter came along, brought on a bout of sickness, and kicked my ass, and it's been a challenge getting my motivated mojo back. I've had a shoulder injury that I'm working with a physio to fix up. Though I can still use my legs, but any injury, no matter where on the body, can have a detrimental effect on motivation.

Another thing that's been a challenge is that I'm really getting into my fic writing. It hampers my motivation to do my regular exercise in the mornings, especially on the weekends. All I want to do in the quiet hours of the morning is to write my stories, because once I'm out of bed I know there won't be time to write anything until I get back into bed at the end of the day. And I'm no longer a night owl. It is rare that I am up at 10pm, let alone past 10 these days, so mornings is really where it's at for me.

Anyway, last time I spoke about my weightloss journey I was unsure how I would stop the weightloss and find a plateau, but I felt confident that I'd reach one eventually. And, well... I have.

It's funny how the body has a set point it just likes to be at. If 60kg (132.2lb) is where my body likes to be then I guess there it shall be. Though I'd still like to try and lose another 5k's just so I've got that safety net, as my body does not enjoy weighing very much over 60kgs.

My periods are a constant reminder of this fact. I can cruise through the menstrual cycle most of the time nowadays. Barely any pain or cramping before and during. But when I weigh more it's like my body has given up and is willing to put me through the wringer to remind me that I'm too heavy for my internal organs to be happy.

Anyway, I'm hopeful with the warmer weather. I keep reminding myself of how I enjoy exercising, and I try to promise and plan for myself to find time to write during the day on a weekend as compensation for not writing in the morning.

I just have to get back into that morning workout routine and I'll either start losing weight again, or continue to hold steady.

I'll check in after Christmas, as that is a time for weight spiking, but y'know what? You only live once, so enjoy it. I know I can trust myself to get back on the exercise bandwagon and get back to the weight I'm comfortable at should things start ticking up too drastically and consistently. The idea of my weight getting out of control again is one I'm really annoyed with. I just have to look at that graph I posted above to get mad at myself for having let that happen. I don't, and I won't let myself get back there because it truly was a hard, painful, awful slog getting back down to a decent weight for myself.

Still proud of myself. I did good. I will maintain.

[certifiedstarrr]

『Always - bsf!nick x reader 』

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warnings: swearing. that’s it.

purple = nick

pink = y/n

NOT PROOFREAD!

b/n: wrote this cos i’m on it rn😐🤷🏾‍♀️

THIS IS REALLY SHORT AND I DIDNT HAVE ANY IDEAS FOR IT SO SORRY IN ADVANCE😭

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Sometimes I wish I didn’t have my period. It was basically the worst time of my life, and I was going through it.

I was laying in bed holding my stomach while attempting to watch a movie. It felt like being stabbed over and over again.

I couldn’t do it anymore, I had to call Nick. Nick was my best friend since forever, and practically knew me better than myself.

“Hey y/n what’s up?”

“Hey nick do you think you could come over?”

My voice broke as the stabbing pain came back.

“Yeah I can, i’m on my way,”

I hung up the phone and started balling. I held my stomach, it never helped. I took the Advil bottle that was on my nightstand and took it. I hate how long it takes to kick in.

After that I just cry, not even trying to attempt to watch the movie, but just crying.

“oh y/nnnnnnnnn”

His voice was muffled because of how much i was crying.

“oh y/n don’t cry”

He placed all of the bags of stuff he brought down by my bed hugged me.

“im sorry nick,”

“and i look horrible, i’m so sorry”

That’s all I could manage to muster out before sobbing.

“I don’t care about what you look like hun.”

I still was balling my eyes out. It was just so much pain to bear.

“Shhh….its okay I’m here now so let’s forget about that let’s watch the movie.”

“thank you”

“Anything for you girl.”

I noticed the bags and started to get curious about them.

“nick what did you buy?”

“A heating pad, 2 bags of chips, 2 tubs of ice cream, a blanket, giant sized chocolate bars, and chinese takeout?”

“Nick you didn’t have to though”

“But I did so let’s not worry about your period and get you distracted.”

I got up and and decided to take a shower. I hadn’t done anything today except for staying in bed doing absolutely nothing. It was only day 2 of my period and I had many more days coming.

“I’m going to take a shower.”

“Okay y/n I’ll be out here waiting for you”

I went into the bathroom and closed the door, and looked at the mirror. My hair was all messy and my face all wet from the crying. I needed to take a shower ASAP.

I undressed and stepped in the shower, the water was cold but I was unusually hot still. I let the cold water run a couple more seconds and I was back to a regular temperature. My period blood had dripped onto the shower floor and I needed to hurry up and put on a pad.

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I hopped out the shower and dried my body. I felt much better and rejuvenated, but still remembered to hurry and put on a pad.

I put on some new clothes and a new pad, I went back to my bedroom where Nick was scrolling on his phone.

“Hey y/n do you feel better?”

“Yeah I really needed that shower.”

“Okay come on we are watching my favorite movie.”

“I just know you’re gonna love it”

“Okay nick”

“Also the boys were wondering if they could come too but i told matt to drive me here and to leave their asses home..”

“See this is why your my best friend”

“Exactly.”

We never watched the movie. We spent the rest of the night looking at matching nail designs to get for next week. This is why Nick is my bestfriend.

He was there for me; Always.

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a/n: idk if this is good or not but🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

taglist: @tyjna6 @lovingmattysposts @luvmxtt @novasturniolo03

[crowsbeak-cos]

Cosplans <3

NOT an exhaustive list, just ones I'm hoping to get started on soon! This will be a long one bear with me-

School Arc Sebastian

Do I know how I’m going to make any of this cosplay? No I do not but I have a few ideas. It’s obviously going to be very menswear-heavy, I know I’m for sure going to need to make the trousers and white button up with a store bought pattern. I may use a pattern intended for historical fashion, that way I can for sure get some of that Victorian silhouette in place (and potentially use them for a regular Sebastian cosplay). The long coat under the robe looks relatively simple, I think I’ll be able to pattern that out myself without too much difficulty- it’ll just mean I’m doing a lot of mockups. The outer robe is honestly super easy to do, I’ll probably be able to just make the pattern off my dad’s graduation robe (which I have, for some reason? I’m not complaining, makes my life easier). I do know I’m going to add in a fair amount of beading and potentially some embroidery, but I still need to decide exactly what- I do know I’ll be putting the sigil on the back of the outer robe and I’ll be embroidering it on the back of the gloves (it’ll be a pain in the ass but it’ll look so sick)!

Maomao and Jinshi (with etta_cosplay on instagram!!)

I’ll be cosplaying Maomao, and I have literally NO IDEA how to make any of what I need to make! I am absolutely a historical fashion nerd but I predominantly know about like. English and French fashion (especially if it’s the Victorian period) so I’d have to do a lot of research. I know a lot of folks who can help me out though (thank you historical reenactors <3)!! I do already have ideas for the shoot though… 

Lisa swallows

LISA MY BELOVED if you have not seen Lisa Frankenstein you need to go watch it immediately and liveblog the entire movie to me. This is a requirement. I’m so excited about this cosplay, I miraculously have the EXACT fabric her bolero is made out of so I actually have a chance of making this thing pretty screen accurate!! Thank god for that random thrifted dress I made a shirt out of.

Howl redo

Whoa Nico you mean the cosplay that took you like a year and a half to make and you still haven’t finished. That cosplay that you put so much work into. You’re going to sacrifice it to the scrap bin and then completely restart the entire thing? Yes. Unfortunately. I definitely did not have the skillset for it when I started it, so there’s just so many mistakes in the coat and I know I would not want to actually wear it. I am glad I did the work I did on it, I learned a ton of new skills that I use on a ton of other projects! Ultimately, it’s just not a cosplay I would be happy with even if I did finish it. The new plan is to essentially steal how etta_cosplay (on instagram, can you tell that I think she’s cool) made her diamonds and top stitch them down, then use a combo of beading and trim to cover the seams. Then obviously an ungodly amount of beading of random references to the book and the movie because I’m insane (dies badly). Ideally this will make the project much easier to do, and will make it a project I will actually finish!!

[vireserein]

TL;DR: Obvious amputee struggles, hidden hEDS hijinks, failed attempt at mooning church ladies with my sexy yoga talents.

Invisible disabilities are still disabilities, and even if people can't outwardly see what you struggle with, you have the right to look "unsightly" or "inappropriate" in public to take care of yourself. This is taking medications, this is sitting down, this is doing whatever you need to do to keep your body happy and healthy. I'm used to being very obviously different with a congenital forearm amputation that doesn't really get in the way of my life besides the occasional inconveniently short microwave handles (can't get my residual joints behind them) or the way strangers and family often treat me in public for it (very poorly; this is my main struggle and I'd go so far as to say social separation is my main lifestyle difference. I am always unsightly in public.) . . . But the less notable side of my body, which is a progressively worsening diagnosis of hEDS that I've been dealing with for half of my life, is something I am still getting used to accepting and managing. With or without a lot of physical therapy, supplements, rest, and preventative care, I have issues that won't go away. Lately, this means that I can't sit up straight or stand for long periods of time, and very often need to do strange little jigs to get my ribs back into their parking spots in my poorly-oiled upper back— essentially, I can't look proper in quiet spaces. As a woman attending a tri-city snooty-suburb church primarily composed of prim-and-proper older ladies and their equally judgy sheltered tweenagers who would have a conniption at the idea our planet Earth being over 6,000 years old or, God literally forbid, people being themselves, I have at least one personal worst place to have three ribs twist themselves out of me so suddenly while mid- un-pretzelifying my body (to avoid back pain on a shitty pew) (also read: standing up like I'm an overburdened robot). That said, I love my community for the things they do correctly, and I love and prefer the church I attend while at my university for being much kinder, more open-minded, science-loving people.

So anyway, you do what you have to do, even if this means gasping like a fish with a harmonica stuck in its throat, squeezing past 10 of those people very forcefully, and lumpily skittering out of the room (picture a constipated armadillo. I'm fond of my parenthetical similes if you can't tell) to the aghast spite of plenty to put your rebellious skeleton back together in the bathroom, hands covered in napkins and ass directly to the door like this:

(I was taught this funny hot banana-pyramid pose by some very good friends of mine. It saves lives.)

Some people will still love you when they see your nice ass at church, and others will be offended over silly things, and even more will have the right intentions but a terrible mindset. . . But you matter most in this context, unless you're bowling over 95-year old grandfathers for bonus points.

And no, I didn't get caught. And, as a final addition, I think this whole connective tissue disorder thing has helped me to start accepting the visible part of me more. As I've mentioned before, I was raised to stamp out the idea that I was different, and to ignore my own support needs to convince others. Those needs were much easier to believe for something new and fresh that I could demand regular appointments for, and the wacky things I have to get up to to avoid pain have helped me to give less of a shit about others, even if it's hard to.

[widzi]

Having PCOS and Transitioning (ftm)

I've seen lots of things out there that document the general timeline of changes that one undergoes when taking testosterone, but for me there's a few things that I've already experienced due to having PCOS! I wanted to try and make my own post that documents my own changes, cuz I think it'll be interesting and maybe someone else will find it useful one day. Hopefully I'll remember to update this post as time goes on but, well, adhd lmao

Beginning stuff below

So! I have PCOS. that's Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome if you're unfamiliar. Not everything is known about PCOS yet, I've even seen an article that goes over how cis men can also have PCOS despite it being a condition "linked" to having ovaries. The range of symptoms are different for different people. Here are my main two:

Hirsutism: this is the Main main symptom for me. It's always been the most "obvious" red flag that might hormones might be out of wack. I have hair. Everywhere. Before I started testosterone I had hair on my face, but mostly only on my chin and neck.

Due to this, my doctor said that I'll most likely grow in more facial hair sooner than usual on the timeline of changes.

After being on T for a little over a month i can say that, yeah, I'm already seeing more hair growth. It's not growing in a lot of places, but it grows in thick now, not limited to just my chin and neck but has started on my cheeks too. I haven't really noticed a difference in my body hair though, but I've had body hair since puberty, so I'm not sure what else there is to change there.

Abnormal periods: this is where things start to get a little tmi lol so you have been warned. when I first started getting periods at puberty, they were a bit irregular, and very heavy and painful. When I was about 23(? I think) my periods started getting very irregular. I think my longest gap was like, 7 or 8 months with no period. When they hit, though. It would hurt like a motherfucker, and I would bleed very heavily. Then I started on birth control. This made my periods regular, which was a pain in the ass because my body was just naturally predisposed to no longer bleeding from my vag so like, why would I, bring it back. They would still be pretty heavy and painful, but only for the first couple of days, and then it would be very light to nothing at all for the rest of the week.

After being on T for a little over a month: I remember my first period after starting was a bit late by a day or two, but now with my most recent period it was almost a week off. I'm guessing this is a sign that my body is starting to get out of wack w my cycle again, so I wonder if I'll see an end to my periods a lot earlier on the timeline as well. I also noticed that, while my most recent period was still heavy, it was not as painful as my last one.

Things I haven't noticed yet! (But are probably happening i just dont know it yet):

Voice change

Body fat & muscle distribution

Bottom growth (but tbh I haven't. Like. Looked yet.)

Hair loss

And that's it for now! Hopefully I'll remember to update.

[the-rainbow-lesbian]

Trans women saying that they still want periods after seeing women discuss how awful conditions like endometriosis are and painful and tiring and sick periods make them reads like those people who want to be disabled for some reason.

I have pcos so I try my best to have my period as regular as possible even if getting your period sucks ass, one time I missed my period for 6 months and apparently that’s not healthy for you? but I have a female body and it’s natural to want my body to work in the healthiest way within its capabilities, but a man wanting a period is never not going to be weird and fetishistic. like I never hear women who needed their uterus removed for medical reasons missing their periods or smth because they know they are still female and they don’t have to compensate by pretending they get periods or saying they want them.

[transboysokka]

Major tmi below

Like almost nobody knows I’m not on T (people just assume it and I let them but tbh I still can’t figure out how to swing that in this country rip) so NOBODY knows I still have periods and actually I get so embarrassed by them I can’t even by pads, I just use nasty ass rags ugh anyway

I’m almost 29 years old and have never been to a gynecologist bc of major dysphoria and my periods have never been regular bc of PCOS I was diagnosed w as a teen but they’ve always felt totally normal physically but they’re starting to slowly get more painful and long story short I am SUFFERING today bc it just started

idk how ppl handle this shit

Anyway I can’t WAIT for testosterone and a hysterectomy somebody please organize all that for me lol we have universal healthcare