#as long as they take care of me id be happy | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thats-sir-dyke-to-you · 2 months ago

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When it comes to hygiene tasks and self care with disability and chronic illness, its pretty much a constant case of: don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.

Basically: it's better to do something, than to do nothing at all.

TLDR: Just because you can't do something "properly" doesn't mean you shouldn't do it at all. Do it half-way. Do it shitty. Do it barely. Do it on a technicality. But do what you can. Just try, because doing something will help you.

If you don't have the energy to scrub your body with a sponge, just rub soap over your skin with your hands.

If you don't have the energy to wash your whole body with soap, just hit the places where sweat accumulates, or where you're smelliest.

If you don't have the energy to wash with soap AT ALL, just sitting in water is better than nothing. It will wash away dirt and oils.

If you can't bathe or shower at all, a warm wash cloth is your new best friend. If that's too much, then try bath wipes. They're a bit bigger than regular wet wipes, and a bit more heavy duty. They're designed to help keep bed ridden patients clean in hospitals.

If you don't have the energy to dry yourself after a bath or a shower, just put on a bathrobe and get into bed. If you don't have the energy to get dressed afterwards, just don't. It can wait until you can.

If you don't have energy to brush your teeth for two minutes, honestly, just a cursory scrub is better than not doing anything.

If you can't brush your teeth twice a day, brush in the evenings. It will help take away the build up of food from the day.

If you don't have the energy to brush AT ALL, honestly, just take a cloth and wipe the plaque off your teeth. Rinse with mouth wash after if you'd like. Something is always better than nothing.

If you can't floss twice a day. Try once. If that's too much, try a few times a week. If that's too much, try setting aside a day once a week as a goal. If you can't keep a schedule, do it when you're able to. Hell, I keep some floss next to my bed so that if I forget and don't have the energy to go get it, I can just reach over.

If you can't iron your clothes, don't bother. Wrinkles are fine. Wear jumpers over wrinkly t-shirts. No one will know, and honestly, most people won't even care. If it's really wrinkly and it's A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Ironed, here's my life hack. Step 1: take a spray bottle, and spritz the item of clothing (while you're wearing it is easiest) until it's lightly damp. Step 2: use a hair-dryer on the clothes until they're dry. It gets rid of creases like nobody's business, it's easier than lugging out the iron and ironing board, and you get to have nice toasty warm clothes afterwards.

If you can't fold your clothes, try just hanging them up. It's less commitment. It's quicker to do. Granted, you need to have the space in order to do this, but it is also good at helping you downsize, and lets you visualise exactly what you have.

If you can't put your clothes away, invest in a couple of laundry baskets, and then just keep your clean clothes in the baskets. You can then separate washed clothes into underwear, pants, and shirts baskets. You can just leave them like that. I'm giving you permission to never fold your laundry again if you can't. Just leave it unfolded. Who's going to care? Something is better than nothing. If you can, try to put those baskets into your closet so that you can keep the clutter out of sight, and give yourself a more restful environment.

If you can't separate your clothing out into different categories and wash them "properly" (whites, warm tones, cool tones, darks, delicates / switching between hot & cold washes / paying attention to laundry instructions on the label) then just don't worry about it. If you cold wash your clothes, colours won't bleed. Maybe gradually over the course of dozens of washes there'll be some changes in hue, but it's really not as high stakes as the One Red Sock In The Whites Turns Them Pink trope makes it out to be.

I've pretty much come to the point in my life where if a piece of clothing can't survive the washer and dryer, then it's just not meant to be. I colour separate my clothes, and if I have the energy/remember I'll take my bras and jumpers out of the washing machine to drip dry. But otherwise, I leave it to the universe.

If you can't separate out your recycling, then don't. If you have a large amount of rubbish you need to get rid of but the idea of separating it out properly is stopping you from doing so, then just don't worry about it. I know it's not ideal, but if you have garbage in your room/house and you need to get rid of it, please just get rid of it. Don't let the problem get bigger and harder to deal with. Don't let "doing something properly" get in the way of keeping your living spaces clean. Please. Give yourself understanding.

If you can't wash your dishes, get paper plates. Obviously, it's not ideal, but it is better that you eat food than skipping meals. It is better that you have a clean kitchen, rather than having dishes piling up and making it harder to look after yourself.

If you can't prepare meals for yourself keep making the tasks easier and easier. If you can't do recipes, then simplify. Use pasta sauce from the jar instead of making it. Eat canned soup. Buy food you can just stick in the oven. If you eat fish fingers and microwave veggies every night, it's better than not eating anything at all. It's better than having to fork out money on take-out. If you need ready-made meals, then get them. If you're literally just eating a raw cauliflower for dinner; 1) I see you, 2) me too, sis, 3) something is better than nothing.

These are the basic things you need to do every day to function as a person. They are your activities of daily living. Brushing your teeth. Bathing or showering. Using the bathroom. Getting dressed. Eating. Drinking. Sleeping. Keeping your environment clean. You don't need to do these things perfectly, but they need to happen in order for you to have a decent quality of life.

And it breaks my heart, because I know that so many disabled people can't do these things every day. I'm not saying this to guilt or judge, I'm saying that these are basic needs; you deserve these things. These things bring dignity. If a disabled person is unable to do these things, it diminishes their quality of life. It robs them of dignity.

If you need help to do these things, Its okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. But if you can't get that help and you have to do these things by yourself -- or you just plain want to be independent and do it without help-- then don't hold yourself to standards you can't meet.

Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. Doing something is always better than doing nothing. Even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not done well. Do what you can.

#lord knows that im still trying to pull myself out of the muck and into independence and dignity #i had to set a rule for myself that i need to wear clean clothes every day. and that i need to wear pyjamas to bed #that one's been hard. sometimes I dont have the energy to do it and i just stay in the same clothes for two days at a time #or i go to sleep in what i was wearing. but when i do follow that rule my quality of life is drastically better #not feeling dirty or gross goes a long way to making you feel more like a person #i also made a rule that im not allowing myself to look frumpy outside anymore. that means clothes that look nice #no more trackies and pj pants and all that stuff. i basically lived in perpetual pyjamas for four years and im over it #i still dress comfortably but the important thing is that i dress. i look put together. i wear things that make me happy #(and i didnt need to buy anything to do so. i just needed to start taking better care of myself)#and i stopped letting perfect be the enemy of the good. i started doing things shitty rather than not doing it at all #and the more i keep pushing with my ADLs the better i feel #what helps is now i dont have to contend with stairs and that has made a dramatic change to what im able to accomplish #ive also finally built up enough strength in my body that im able to go to the shops by myself. so i can buy things to make easy meals #and mum doesnt mind if i just put some things in the oven or air fryer for us for dinner.#i still cant really cook. i felt bad about that for the longest time. i didnt even try bc i knew what id make would be disappointing #or it wouldnt be up to the standards of what everyone else was making. i was so sick of feeling like a let down all the time.#now i just make what i can and my mum doesnt complain bc shes in the same boat.#and yeah. having help would be nice. it would mean id be able to do more than what i can do by myself.#and its great to see how far ive come. but im not a burden. and when i have the accommodations i need i can do a lot more #i do something rather than nothing and my life has dramatically changed since then. ive just gotten better and better.#chronic illness #disability #chronic pain #spoonie #one things for certain and thats that im never going to let myself rely on anyone else ever again.#i never want to be on the other side of that ever again. I don't want to be anyone's burden. i dont want that hanging over me #i do things by myself or i dont do them at all. and god fucking willing i'll never go back to needing as much help as i used to #i really didnt realise just how much of an obstacle living with stairs was in my life. it was the biggest barrier against everything #stairs stopped me from being independent. if i couldnt traverse them i just didnt go anywhere. my world shrank so much #and not having the proper wheelchair shrinks my world even more. im stronger than i used to be but im still severely limited in where i go

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orcelito · 3 months ago

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Actually we r at 6 months now without any major deaths in my life, which is great! That's the longest I've gone without any major deaths since last May! The second longest was 4 months between July and November last year. Wow !

#speculation nation #negative/#i mean not exactly but also. ya kno.#really i dealt with death after death in may july november and the biggest in february #actually i think my great grandma died within the span between july and november. but i wasnt close with her & dont remember when #so idk if id count that. if i did then the longest would be 3 months. between november and february.#all this is to say. wow what a Fucking year last year was huh #i still dont rly feel like i have much trust in people staying alive in my life.#but maybe im a bit less scared of even more people in my life suddenly dropping dead.#... then again now i apparently have something wrong with my liver. which i am still not happy about.#the only reason why im not dying of anxiety is bc i still feel relatively normal overall.#but i also just remembered how. well. 28 has Long been my unlucky number. and im turning 28 next year.#so ive been half convinced im just gonna die when im 28. bc thatd be just my luck wouldnt it #and like overall theres no real reason why i Would die at that age. but now theres something wrong with my liver.#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it #and if it was an emergency my doctor wouldve told me to go to the hospital. probably.#but idk. my truest anxiety about it is that it could be something cancerous. or something.#and really i have no reason to suspect that specifically. it's just one of the potential causes for the enzyme abnormality we found #but bc it's not entirely off the table. well now my mind has latched onto it. and is like 'What If'#and ok i just now looked into possible liver diseases to try to calm my anxiety. with mixed success.#bc i found all sorts of liver diseases. including cirrhosis. which is irreversible damage.#im just clinging to the hope of the fact that my readings werent Too high... just.#every single one associated with the liver was high. which means theres Definitely something wrong with my liver.#and im kind of scared it's bc of my prior alcohol use. i wasnt an alcoholic but i did drink pretty regularly for a bit.#but also how unfair would it be for me to get a liver disease from that??? the most i ever drank at one time was 8 shots #which is a lot but there are some people doing that kind of thing Regularly. and they dont get liver disease???#regardless this has been extra persuasion to stay off the alcohol. especially until i know what's up with it.#heyyyy mr liver inside me i prommy i will take good care of u from now on. pls dont die on me 😭😭😭#see ok this is what happens whem i start to think. i get anxious. i just need to keep not thinking.#it's 10 pm i think thats a good time for sleepies

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etchedstars · 1 year ago

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hi i just wanted to drop a ss of the comments i wrote on my notion page for captured ghosts because im about to reread and i think this fic deserves all the recognition in the world it slays so hard and you should know the absolute anxiety and simultaneous joy you caused me!!!

HI OH MY GOD ?!?!??!?!? thank you asufaudsf this is so so nice the joy THIS brought me?????????? immeasurable ty <3333

(ps theres a lot of thoughts in the tags w captured ghosts spoilers for those who may or may have not read my will byers gets haunted multichaptered fic!!)

#if youre thinking hmm i should read captured ghosts!! dont take it from me take it from tumblr user romainlettusdinnerparty :)#okokok so !!! authors thoughts #one of the biggest problems i have with media and especially in fics is when characters just have. the worlds most perfect inner dialogue #which clearly. bc they are fifteen years old. they will not be perfect they wont think coherent thoughts #human emotions are messy and indecipherable and ESP w the st characters someone who has gone thru as much as will has. hes gonna be angry !#i do my best to walk the line between good writing and realistic writing LMAO so im glad that came across :)))#ok abt joyce. this was less of a 'i think this is how joyce would be' and rlly just me being annoyed w my own mother tbh #i also wasnt a huge fan of her when i first wrote cg bc i thought she was way too paranoid over will and not caring much abt jonathan #so that is why shes Like that. im gonna be real i dont think id change it if i rewrote but i also dont think i wrote her fairly #and finally !!! im very sorry i lied about the rewrite. its not gonna happen bc i am so so swamped and i have nothing and i wrote it last y #but for the record will was supposed to be in the same sort of coma max was in and they were supposed to find each other and will #was going to promise max hed find her way out and then boom he was going to wake up there was going to be some jealousy w lucas and mike an #he makes it out alive max makes it out alive vecna doesnt fully leave etc etc. the end #anyways if youve read this far thank u and thank you for leaving this ask and this comment :))))) i havent gotten anything abt my fics in a #while tbh so knowing that like . They Still Exist and people still like them means so so much to me :')))) ok bye this was super long #overdue gets some asks #captured ghosts #happy chemical

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hes-a-tough-kid · 1 year ago

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If you see the final word count for my completed fic gently increasing over months and months no you dont

#i have realised that the ‘fast n loose’ method for churning out a fic doesnt work for me actually #i am so sad that so much of that fic was skipped- or told and not shown- or brushed over in favour of me forcing it out quickly #i know i did it for a good reason- that if i took my time with it and it grew bigger and bigger that there was a risk i would have exhausted #myself and not finished it at all which would have been way worse #i think actually taking 3 months to craft 15k chapters with many drafts makes me happier than churning out 4k in a week #that being said im so glad its finished and that- somehow- it did so much better than i would have ever dreamed <33 #now i can go back and make it what i want it to be without the pressure of racing against my own stamina #and. if im really honest. i didnt think i would still be into avatar for this long lmao #i thought id lose the brainrot at around month three so i had to finish the fic before then #and yet. month 7 and i draw spider in my sketchbook every day. i think about him every spare minute.#the brainrot is still kicking and im happy #anyway here i go to dive back into that fic and add even more angst and whump and maybe another hug. if spider is lucky #i also want to write a little one shot about Ngaire properly taking care of spider after something bad happens #but idk if people wanna read OC stuff and its certainly not my comfort zone so i might keep it to myself #N E WAY this was the biggest and dumbest ramble to myself about my own fics lmao i should really shut up and just go write :’)

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analogboii · 2 months ago

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once again thinking about the fact i could possibly never see ben bruce live and getting emotional about it

#like i get it #trust me id rather him do what makes him happy and take care of his family #but FUCK man #its been more than half my life of loving this band and now i can never experience them #fifteen years is a long fucking time dude #asking alexandria #ben bruce

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honeyvenommusic · 8 months ago

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#the idol system is such a fascinating and scary thing to me #like hearing shit over the years it's like how does anyone survive it?#(i'm staying away from all the anti-blackness of kpop & their fandoms rn so just the system)#((that was more for me bc my brain wants to go in that direction bc hooooooo. it's the main reason i cannot vibe w more than a few songs #over the last almost 15 years cause like knowing.... anyway))#like i just got groundfloored w a group rn via jbrekkie shoutout michelle like literally their debut is 24 hrs from now i've rabbitholed #since i heard their snippet on her vid and like the way ppl talk about it already like... as an outsider it's like alriiiight here we goo #they're (mgmt) pipelining another group of ppl let's be sure to support it! streamstreamvote!! oo it looks like their taking the toy/doll #route w these girls super aesthetic let's goo. & like......????? and ppl are already rabid about it. it's wild. and like this is the system #this is it. they make groups and then tease and the people who follow the conglomerate see it and are waiting to #be fed another x amount of folks doing formations and looking cute/hot open wide and consume #(like ik some (or a lot) of those accnts are bots/plants to pad the release and gain traction against algos but like also real folks too)#like not to discredit their vocal work (&dancing though some (alot) of these grps are not nearly as lit w 'dancing' as folks hype em up to #be Frfr. good movers/formations/camera motion & body rolls do not a dancer/good choreo make) but it's really secondary for a lot of #folks atp it's so strange & fascinating. and like i dug the song that's why i'm here so no knock against that but just the factory of it al #it's so damn WILD to me. but at the same time let's be real here. same dish different kitchen for a lot of western pop #they're just more transparent about it and have streamlined finding their popstars & having the public be great w it #it's just... i think it would be less strange if stan culture wasn't a thing or at least more mild than it is now #if it wasn't blown up to this unfathomably massive ever-churning industry by people in literal droves #idk idk i have a lot of thoughts on kpop it's truly a very interesting thing and to have been aware of it and into it to #an extent a while before the sonic boom in the west is an incredibly wild thing to look back on #like i wanna follow this (mostly cause i wanna hear the whole song) but also v curious but also like man the system is bad for many #reasons & here's another batch on the conveyor belt. idk :/#like as long as the participants are happy and healthy and being actually taken care of and not advantage of then great but #yk. the music industry at large is horrible (and esp to women) so like. god ide wanna think about the disparities btwn girl & boy groups #(like to start are they not referred to as 'male groups' on the reg but 'girl groups' more often than 'female'? always w the infantalizing #like given girl group has way more ring than female group but the words still conjure up different things it's just how language works #but boy group idk if i've ever really heard someone use that? and there's been a long time battle w the reclamation of 'boy band'#like it's still dirty for a lot of folks but anyway v western context but there's a large fanbase here so many fans speak as such #this is what we call our own pop groups etc. and it's just interesting and sad idk anyway it's just... huuuhhh a lot.) ok gn lol

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houseofwolvess · 8 months ago

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i think the new adhd meds might actually be doing their job and im. incredibly overwhelmed

#fuck. im so happy #i know it doesn't sound like a lot but i did three (3) chores today which is. more than i can ever complete on a normal day #i washed my sheets for the first time in like two months and i swept for the first time in weeks and i took care of the dishwasher without -#- any reminders to do so #that's really not a lot but to me it is #fuck. i haven't been able to wash my bedding in months. it was so bad.#every time id try and do it id just get this horrible pit in my stomach because it's such a long and tedious task #like. it takes a good 5-ish hours to get it all taken care of and that's assuming i time everything absolutely perfectly #but i just... took off all my bedding. and i washed it. and it didn't feel awful.#it felt like pulling teeth before but today it just felt annoying. which is such a fucking improvement oh my god #i feel like i can breathe again #im trying not to get my hopes up too high because maybe it was just a fluke or something #but i just really really hope it'll keep helping me function like a fucking human being

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strawbebyjam · 1 year ago

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need someone to take the ex RO trope away from me

#every single time i’m like Yes. Yes This Is Helping. Yes I Feel Stronger. Y- [passes out sobbing]#i mean it’s delicious angst but i’m a hurtcomfort demon and hurtcomfort is not the genre of my life so it just ends up making me feel crappy #but it’s sooooooooooo. like i love it. and the. like the lingering sense of But Maybe and the way it’s validated in games. and th-#like i need someone to come over and blacklist all lovers to strangers to lovers content it is NOT good for me ‼️ [continues reading]#anyways everything feels bad again and i can’t do anything about it and my escapism all reminds me of it and the news is horrible and home #is horrible and uni is horrible and social stuff is horrible #and being this hopeless and negative about everything makes me feel entirely un-myself but i haven’t been myself in weeks #and i don’t know what being myself looks like in tbe midst of all this #and i’m working really hard to be good about it but then i think like this and it crumbles HDJDHD #going to my highschool reunion tomorrow where not a single teacher or classmate will remember or recognize me. that’s exciting #also been repeatedlyjaving the thought that id just be fine with it now to be some random mans nonsexualhousewife. family would ve happy.#and i wouldnt have 2 get a job and id just have to take care of a house. like as long as i can find sum1 who doesnt want sex it could work #and id never have to worry abt being alone again even if itd suck and id hate myself forever. but no job. n happy family #idk i promised myself i wouldnt like. give up like this. but i dontsee any other situation that doesnt end in me #like left entirely alone? i either give up family for the possibility of a fulfilling life as a lesbian but only certain ill be alone #or i try and make the best of things and make like. doing what they want. livable #anyways. back to the same dilemma as 14 year old me but this time knlwing im a lesbian and not bi. so theres not even a chance ill be happy #fun times #mano.mindtalk #neg

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tabootasaur · 1 year ago

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...

#im really just ranting so pleasr ignore this post it really isnt that serious i just need to vomit it all out before i crash #i wish i knew who i was i wish i knew who i was going to be who i would havr been before everythong went to shit #before my parents beat my soul into submission before i retreated into myself so hard im killing myself just trying to come out again #i dont know who i am or what i want or even how to begin ttying any of that #my therapist started saying all the same things my dad would say abiut me and about my qork and about my life #id been with her for over 5 years so maybe she is right maybe my dad was right maybe my parents were right maybe i do deserve nothing #i hate my body but my partner says its beautiful i can barely face the day but my partner is happy when i do #they say my parents were wrong in so many ways but why is it taking me so long to prove it #ive been bad my whole life o was a bad kid a bad friend a bad adult but i wanna be goood so bad ii might puke #i know i can be good but why cant i prove it why is it stopping me why cant i push my my brain why cant i hit the override and just LIVE #its hard being 25 when i didnt think id make it to 15 #its hard living when all you want to do is give up i want to give up i wish i could and maybe a few years ago i would have #but now for the first time in my life i want to live i want to do good but my brain body and soul have no idea how #i think im autistic and the worst part is realizing how much of me that is how much i should havr been cared for #i have to learn how to live in the world but the world is so scary and it hurts and my therapist talkrd a lot about getting used to it #she wanted me to dive in and didnt understand no matter how many qays i tried to explain to her how much it painrd me to try it her way #i wish i could just do it that i could grin and bear it but i cant anymore i cant just do it #i wish i could just become who i was supposed to be someone without the pain and the torture and the constant berating #someone who can have a job and cook dinner and still feel whole after it all #i jist want to live i want to be good i want to get better and i feel like peeling my skin off my body i feel like ripping out my teeth #it makes me feel awful every time i cant do sometbing because i was getting better i couod feel it and now im in hell this is worse #i feel like im experiencing depression for the first time all over again ivw never been so violently thrown bacj into the pit #please i want out i want to hear creaks without thinking someone is 8n my home i want to clean like someone isnt watching me #i want to move around my home like i dont expect to be graded i want to be able to sleep at night and not have tomorrow ruined by flashback #im so so tired and for the first time in my life o dont wanna give up i wanna be better but i dont know how #every time i try to get help something goes wrong and i run out of insurance soon so im probably just fucked #my antidepressants arent doing shit and my birth control makes everything harder and i jist wish i could take medication and live #im tired im tired but ive been crying in the bathroom for over an hour because sometbing so stupid triggered me #and now im a child again and i have work tomorrow and i cant scream and cry into my partner cause they have work #they work so hard for us and i can barely do a day im so fucking pathetic and yet they stay with me

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mydarlingclaudia · 3 months ago

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you wanna guess the color of my underwear

note : divider is from @/anitalenia. I wrote this because I listened to that Charli and Billie song on loop and couldn’t get it out of my head AND I ONLY FOUND IT THIS MORNING UGHHH this is literally just smut. I also kinda already wrote something like this but I love pussy eater Leon he’s real in my head. mdni

wc : 1k

tags : @lottiies

desc : Leon just loves eating you out. smut!! - oral (f receiving), not proofread, fem!reader, ID!Leon

Leon always paid the utmost attention to you when the two of you were alone. It didn’t even stop there, he’d send you gifts if he could when he was away, always adding a note to let you know how badly he missed you. Other times just finding a way to call you and let you know how badly he wanted to come back home.

And he was eager, too. Even better.

You and Leon must’ve been dating for two years by now, he knows he’s handsome, you couldn’t help but feed his ego day by day. Although, when he’d come home from a mission he’d be stuck in his own head and a lot of the time it was your job to get him out of it. It never took long, you’re pretty sure he’d do anything for you, especially when it comes to making you happy.

Leon’s always ready to get on his knees for you, too. Once again, even better.

You didn’t even have to ask for him to eat you out most of the time. It’s like it was the first thing in his mind when it came to making you feel good, or proving how badly he missed you, maybe even just doing it because he loved having his head buried between your legs.

He’s quick to work happy to please you for as long as you’re willing to let him. The achey jaw and sore knees come with the job.

He doesn’t even wait to get you inside the house today, he’s got you laid out in the backseat of his car, kneeling down o the floor between your legs. The angles odd, but he makes it work.

Leon hasn’t really even done anything yet, just holding your thighs in place atop of his shoulders as he licks over the center of your panties, the skirt you previously wore tossed aside somewhere in the car, he’s still in the suit he wore to work today. This has been going on for five minutes, not that you minded, he bought you these panties for a reason. You’ve been a bit of a tease since before the two of you even slept together, this problems only grown since you found out he’s obsessed with you.

Leon looks up at you through his eyelids all the while, stopping for a plot second to shoot you a smirk.

“You gonna keep me waiting?” You ask him, moving your thighs to adjust the position you’re laying in, only for his grip to tighten.

“No, ma’am.” Leon licks over the wet patch on your panties one more time before he lets go of your thighs and leans back. He takes his left hand, pulling your panties to the side. Leon’s other hand pushes your thighs a bit further apart, then trailing down to let his thumb rub against your slit. His thumb slips between your folds to gently pull them apart, you study his face carefully, letting out a shaky breath as his thumb rubs over your clit.

Leon swallows before he spits onto your already wet cunt, continuing to use his thumb to tease your clit and rub his spit around.

“Don’t take too long,” You mumble, following it with a small giggle. Leon smiles at you, his movements stopping so he can move his hands to help angle your hips up a bit.

“You know I always take care of you.” He whispers, his mouth is on you not even a second later, dragging his tongue through your folds and sucking greedily. The moan you let out is almost embarrassing, your hands go up to dig your palms in your eyes as he continues to lap up your arousal.

Leon’s gotten better at eating you out over the years, you never complained much, previous boyfriends you had had refused to even do this, Leon found that ridiculous. But having his face stuffed between your legs at least once a week was an amazing feeling.

You whine when Leon pulls off of you the tiniest bit, letting your arms fall to the sides of your head as he peppers kisses up and down your slit.

“Taste so good,” He murmurs against your heat, his kisses becoming a bit sloppier as his tongue slips out once again. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.” Your voice is all breathy when you say it. You gasp when his thumbs push your folds apart again, pressing his face further into your cunt as he sucks and licks at your entrance, his nose bumping against your clit.

This time, one of your hands makes its way into his hair, holding him against you. Leon’s chuckle is muffled against your pussy, you can feel his drool and your juices coating your sensitive flesh, your back arches as his tongue probes against your hole. His movements only get more aggressive after that.

You whine out his name, he hums against your skin and turns his attention to your clit, sucking it into his mouth and running over it with his tongue.

“Jesus, L-Leon- fuck-!” You moan, your grip on his hair tightens and you hear him groan, but he doesn’t let off.

“I know,” His voice is still muffled, “C’mon.”

Leon continues to urge you on, you can’t find any words to respond with, the only noises coming from your throat being moans and whimpers. You cum into his waiting mouth not even two minutes later, he still doesn’t pull away from you.

After he’s sure you’re all cleaned up, he presses one more kiss to your cunt before he pulls your panties back over, giving your clothed heat a soft slap. Leon rests his arms over your thighs and looks up at you as you sit yourself up, his face is all wet, he doesn’t seem to mind.

“You’re my favorite girl.” His voice is a bit rough, you love it.

“I better be.” You pant softly, bringing one of your hands up to run over his tousled hair. Leon’s hands move to run up and down your sides, giving you a soft squeeze.

“Hungry?”

“Yeah,”

“I’ll help you up. Let’s go, pretty girl.”

#leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy #leon s kennedy x reader #resident evil #resident evil x reader #leon kennedy smut

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ssprayberrythings · 11 months ago

Text

our little secret | CL16

charles x female!reader / smau fic

this was a request so thank you anon for providing the idea, i changed some of the detailing ever slightly to fit it more into the social media format but overall i followed the request so i hope i did it justice!

as a bit of a background: you and charles have been together for a few years now, but nobody knows because they’ve kept their relationship secret from the f1 community and private from anyone who follows you. everything is going great until photos of you and charles on vacation get leaked. normally you’d deny it or ignore it but it was very obviously charles in the pictures which cause fans to go crazy, wanting to know everything ultimately resulting in you and charles deciding to go public and hoping for the best. oh and the request included having other drivers on the grid having gone through recent breakups which was another reason charles liked that your relationship was private.

warnings: none, just pure fluff and charles being a simp for his girlfriend !!

yourusername posted on their instagram

yourbestfriend, yoursister, user23 & others liked

life recently ⭐️🫶🌸

view all comments

user1: y/n i still cant believe we haven’t figured out who your partner is, its been atleast a couple years

user2: at this point, i don’t even care who it is, as long as she’s happy

yoursister: awe the flowers, he’s the sweetest

╰ yourusername: i know !

user22: one day we’ll find out…i hope

╰ user17: we can only hope

yourbestfriend: i love that youre happy but i don’t enjoy third wheeling, does he have any single friends he can atleast bring along 🥲

╰ yourusername: sorry..pretty sure all his close friends are in relationships 🫣

charles_leclerc posted on their instagram

f1fan, pierregasly, landonorris, fanofleclerc & others liked

who do i give these flowers too

view all comments

fanofleclerc: YOU CAN GIVE THEM TO ME

f1fan: ILL TAKE THEM OFF YOUR HANDS CHARLES

user30: how is this man single ???? he’s so boyfriendcoded

landonorris: i’d prefer literally anything else but i guess you can give them to me

╰ charles_leclerc: ill pass

f1: we’ll take them for you charles, im sure someone in the paddock would like them

yourusername posted on their story

caption: he loves me i swear..😉

*replies disabled*

charles_leclerc posted on their instagram

pierregasly, landonorris, f1, f1fan, charlesleclercfan_ & others liked

enjoying the sun whenever i can

view all comments

fanofcharles: hes so beautiful wow

charlesleclercfan_: imagine running into charles leclerc while he’s shirtless? id pass away

pierregasly: photo creds would be nice..

╰ charles_leclerc: you didn’t take the photo ?

╰ pierregasly: yes but i was behind the camera offering support, its basically the same thing

f1fan: pierre and charles’ friendship is top tier

╰ liked by f1

yourusername posted on their instagram

yoursister, yourbestfriend, user20 & others liked

me and everyone’s favourite man hit the town 🍸

view all comments

yourbestfriend: its giving old money, i love it

╰ liked by yourusername

user20: im sure whoever he is, is a gorgeous man

user12: i may not know who he is but i aspire for these vibes

yoursister: the hand placement is everything

╰ liked by yourusername & yourbestfriend

user44: whoever he is, he was raised right, that hand placement says everything and him holding y/n’s heels, god has favourites

charles_leclerc posted on instagram

charlesleclercfan_, f1, f1fan, landonorris & others liked

hikes at sunset >

view all comments

charlesleclercfan_: omg charles

charlesleclercfan_: i think my heart just stopped

f1fan: he knows what he’s doing, he has to

user33: brb finding the strength cause this photo makes me weak

user2: he looks so happy

yourusername posted on their instagram

yourbestfriend, user22, user14, user7 & others liked

my two favourite people 🫶

tagged: @yourbestfriend

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user2: mystery man once again

user14: the way they go on runs together

yourbestfriend: the only time i’ll gladly be a third wheel..i love a good walk/run at sunset

╰ yourusername: i know how much you love your sunset runs

user12: couples that run together, stay together

╰ liked by yourusername

yourusername posted on their story

caption: my whole 🌎

*replies disabled*

yourbestfriend posted on their story

caption: i once again find myself third wheeling..@yourusername

╰ yourusername: atleast you could walk away when you wanted..

╰ yourbestfriend: not the point..but tell charles thank you for paying for me aswell

╰ yourusername: will do 😅

charles_leclerc posted on their story

caption: enjoying some local art before racing starts again

*replies disabled*

yourusername posted on their instagram

yoursister, yourbestfriend, user3, user15 & others liked

gonna miss watching the sunrise in the morning and the sunset in the evening with you 🥺

view all comments

user3: wait where is he going

user23: awe, i hope everything’s okay and they haven’t broken up

╰ user4: i think mystery man has to leave, but they’re still together

yourbestfriend: mom and dad..fr

╰ liked by yourusername

user44: wherever mystery man has to go, i hope he comes back soon

“Merci mon amour” You smiled as he situated himself next to you in bed. Having been dating now for almost 3 years, you had picked up on french terms and were able to have small conversations only speaking French with Charles

“I posted you on instagram” you told him as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders pulling you closer into him but being careful not to spill the drink in your hands

“Oh what did you post? My phones charging” he explained as you unlocked your phone and showed him the post you made for him “You’re now being referred to as mystery man” you chuckled.

Out of all the names people had given him throughout the years, this was definitely your favourite. Charles also chuckled when he heard the name that was given to him

“Can I ask you something?” Charles asked after a few seconds of comfortable silence passed between the two of you

“Of course, what’s up?” you asked after taking a small sip of your tea “Do you ever think about going public with our relationship?” He followed up

You turned to face him fully “Of course, mon amour but we both agreed it was better this way” You reiterated the promise you made early on in your relationship

“I know but I hate that I cant comment on your posts or even post you myself” he sighed “I want to keep you safe but I also want the whole world to know you’re mine and I’m yours” he finished.

“I know it’s not fair” you exclaimed while running your fingers through his hair, something you did for him when he was stressed or feeling anxious “I love you all the time though regardless if you post me or not you know that. Right?” You asked him

“Of course I do” he told you in response closing his eyes feeling relaxed “One day we’ll go public. Im making you that promise” he told you opening his eyes again

You smiled at him “Sounds like a beautiful promise” you responded, leaning in to kiss his cheek “As much as I would love to spend the rest of the night talking with you, you have to be at the airport early tomorrow” you reminded him as you stopped playing with his hair, to turn and put your mug on the bedside table next to your side of the bed, Charles putting his own mug on the table next to his side

“Im gonna miss you” he told you when you were both situated in bed, the only source of light coming from the evening sky outside “Not as much as I’m gonna miss you” you told him, snuggling into his side while his arm pulled you closer to him.

Even if you had been dating for awhile, the start of the race season was always a struggle, neither of you wanting to be apart for long periods of time but it was moments like these that you held close and savoured until the next time you could be this close again.

yourusername posted on their story

caption: my happy place 🎨

╰ charles_leclerc: babe i miss you already and its only been a few days

╰ yourusername: i know but soon you’ll be busy with media events, qualifying, racing and the time will go by quicker, i promise my love

╰ charles_leclerc: facetime tonight so i can see your beautiful face ?

╰ yourusername: of course ❤️

yourusername posted on their story

caption: now whose third wheeling..😠 @yourbestfriend

╰ yourbestfriend: oh hush up, this was only one time compared to how many times i third wheeled you and driver boy

╰ yourusername: okay fair point…also driver boy? wait till i tell charles that one 😂

more replies..

╰ charles_leclerc: omg since when did y/bf/n get a boyfriend? i want all the details

╰ yourusername: i’ll tell you everything on our facetime call, its a pretty cute story of how they met

╰ charles_leclerc: okay but not as cute as when we met? right?

╰ yourusername: oh never, we have the ultimate cutest first meet story 🤭

charles_leclerc posted on their instagram

f1, carlossainz55, scuderiaferrari, landonorris & others liked

feels good to be back 🏎️

tagged: @scuderiaferrari

view all comments

scuderiaferrari: looking forward to a great season !

╰ liked by charles_leclerc

f1fan: HE LOOKS SO WELL RESTED AND HAPPY, FERRARI YOU BETTER DO CHARLES JUSTICE THIS SEASON

f1: as if we weren’t already excited for the new season !!

╰ liked by charles_leclerc

charlesleclercfan_: IM SO EXCITED

charlesleclercupdates: THIS IS HIS SEASON, I CAN ALREADY FEEL IT

Charles was standing with the other drivers, whenever the new season started they always had to do a bunch of media and although some drivers may hate how childish some of the antics were, overall it’s always a nice time getting to be in the same place as everyone and not be competing for once.

Charles turned to George and Pierre who were in conversation with Carlos and Lando. Somehow they had gotten on the topics of relationships, Lando having told everyone that the girl he was seeing at the end of the previous season before the break, wasn’t in the picture anymore.

“Aw mate I’m sorry” Charles told him “Its okay, we weren’t anything serious” Lando told him, seeming to be completely fine with the outcome. “Carlos how are you and your lady?” Lando asked Carlos taking the attention off of him

“Ehh, its alright” Charles’ teammate answered the question directed at him “We barely talk and now with racing starting, I don’t see her sticking around much longer” he explained his current situation.

To Charles it seemed as though everyone who had been relationships or atleast talking to someone, now had no one which made him a feel a bit guilty as he had been in a 2 year long relationship that none of them knew of.

Later in the day, the guilt in Charles stomach only grew when he somehow found out 3 more drivers on the grids long term relationships had ended. He was feeling unnerved because it seemed as if there was some sort of relationship ruiner going through the paddock and he didn’t want to be the next victim.

That night, he called you up, for a moment forgetting about the time change but remembering its only a small change. You answered after a few rings, you had your painting scrubs on indicating you had been working on a new piece of art

“Hi mon amour” you exclaimed happy to see your boyfriend “I was just in the middle of painting, let me just take my scrubs off so I can move to the couch” You explained, Charles nodded his head acknowledging you

“Okay tell me how everything went today, I want to hear it all” you started talking again once you were situated on your couch. Charles started telling you about his day making sure to include what he learned about his fellow racers, which only caused you both to feel content keeping your relationship to yourselves.

yourusername posted on their instagram

caption: disconnecting to enjoy the serenity of camping 🏕️

*replies disabled*

f1updates posted on their instagram

charles_leclercfan, f1fan, wagupdates & others liked

old photos of charles leclerc with an unknown female leaked. reports say this was last year during the summer break, which brings up the questions of who is she? were they dating here? if yes, are they still dating? everyone wants to know.

*comments disabled*

charlesleclerc_updates posted on their instagram

f1fan, f1updates, wagupdates & others liked

more leaked photos of charles with this mystery woman. who is she? i know im not the only one dying to know

view all comments

user11: OH MY

f1fan: CHARLES MY DUDE WHAT IS THIS

f1updates: does anyone have any idea on who she is

╰ user15: no clue

user3: she’s pretty from what ive seen

user22: i need to know everything

ferrarifan: what i would give to have been a fly on the wall when charles found out these got leaked

Charles was resting in his drivers room. He was trying to mediate which meant he had his phone silenced. This was something you started doing with him when he would get in his head about racing and it helped him regain his focus especially during the moments when he was to hard on himself.

He had been in here for probably 30 minutes before there was a rapid knock on the door “Charles, its Carlos can I come in?” his teammate asked from the other side

“Yeah” Charles answered. Carlos opened the door and stepped into the room “Have you been on instagram?” Carlos asked holding his phone in his hand

“No why?” Charles was confused, what was so important on there that had Carlos wondering of his activity on the app “You should see this” Carlos told him while passing him his opened phone.

When Charles looked down and saw what he saw, he felt his heart stop. There you and him were on his boat, last summer. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He scrolled through his tagged and it was flooded with the same pictures posted by various accounts

“This isn’t good” he mumbled to himself as he passed Carlos his phone back so he could pick up his own phone. He went to go text you immediately when he remembered you had told him, you and your best friend were going camping for a few days which meant you wouldn’t have reception until you got back home.

He opted to still text you something rather than nothing, that way you would see his message once you turned your phone back on and would give him a call.

“Can I ask who she is?” Carlos asked after a few moments of silence “Shes my girlfriend. We’ve been together now for almost 3 years” Charles answered his friends question, figuring the secret was out now and there was no point in lying.

“Oh wow, you’ve kept this going for that long and its just now coming to light. Thats impressive” Carlos told him

“Yeah we decided early on to keep it between us” Charles sighed “We were planning on going public eventually but I guess the public beat us to it”

Carlos just gave his teammate a sympathetic nod, there wasn’t anything he could say in the moment but he could still be there for his friend.

A few days after this, when you were on the drive back to your place, you turned your phone back on, having a few texts from Charles. One that stood out, read ‘Babe give me a call when you can. I have to talk to you about something’ the text from Charles read.

You weren’t sure what this could be about so you didn’t wait to dial his number once you were in the comfort of your apartment. After a few rings, Charles answered, asking you how camping was and catching up before moving on to talk about what happened while you were offline.

That night you and Charles had a long conversation on what you both wanted to do in this situation and after some back and forth, finally came to a decision regarding your relationship that you both hoped you wouldn’t regret down the line.

yourusername posted on their story

caption: he’s back ♥️

╰ yourbestfriend: happy anniversary to you two:)

charles_leclerc posted on their story

caption: when she makes you breakfast 😍

╰ maxverstappen1: WAIT ‘SHE’ ??

╰ carlossainz55: AW

╰ landonorris: soft launch?

yourusername posted on their instagram

yourbestfriend, charles_leclerc, landonorris, pierregasly & others liked

i guess after 3 years, my mystery man isn’t a mystery anymore.

happy 3 years mon amour 😘

tagged: @charles_leclerc

comments have been limited

charles_leclerc: i love our love

charles_leclerc: 3 years into it, a lifetime to go

╰ liked by yourusername

yourbestfriend: so happy for you both 🥹

╰ liked by yourusername

pierregasly: oh wait this is actually cute

╰ landonorris: agreed !!!!

charles_leclerc posted on their instagram

yourusername, yourbestfriend, f1, landonorris, maxverstappen1 & others liked

hard launching because i’ve wanted to post my girl since i met her

joyeux anniversaire, ma chérie 💌

tagged: @yourusername

comments have been limited

yourusername: i love you

yourusername: falling asleep on you > falling asleep on the bed

╰ liked by charles_leclerc

f1: we’re happy for you:)

maxverstappen1: 3 YEARS? WOW

maxverstappen1: happy for you dude

carlossainz55: bring her to the races so we can all meet her !!

╰ liked by yourusername & charles_leclerc

i hope you enjoyed this one. im trying to get more into including actual pieces of writing so hopefully for this one, everything made sense. as always feel free to leave any comments or you can make your own request, up to you! ♥️

#ssprayberrythings x formula one #charles leclerc #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader #f1 smau #f1 x reader #f1 #f1 imagine #charles x smau #formula one #imagines #x reader

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starstruckmiraclekitty · 2 years ago

Note

Hear me out.....pretty...pretty Please, some general fluff headcannons for 141 and Konig?! I'm desperate for some fluff. Stuff like how soft they r how they r at home, kisses that sort of thing? Id die of happiness if u did!!!!!?????

141 + König General Fluff Headcannons

Warnings: fluff🩷, mild NSFW references

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Simon Ghost Riley-

It takes him a while to open up to you, but once he does? He's yours forever.

He is more of a listener than a talker, and he is damn good at listening

You always have to be within his line of sight. He always wants to make sure you're safe.

Definitely gets up before you in the mornings and loves to wake you up with coffee

Not big on PDA, but he doesn't mind holding your hand out in public.

Doesn't say I love you often, but when he does, it turns your whole world on an axis

Says no to a getting a dog at first, but when you finally get him to say yes? The dog is that man's best friend.

He's not a very good cook when you first get together, but he teaches himself in secret one year to surprise you on your birthday by making you your favorite meal. (Your heart nearly melted at the proud smile on his face when he told you he made it)

This man is loyal as hell. You will NEVER catch him looking anyway at anyone the way he looks at you. No person's beauty in his mind will ever compare to yours

Loves going for long car rides with you. Weekend trips, day trips, whatever works for him. Will ALWAYS have his hand resting on your thigh

He developed a ritual with you, where he will wear one of his hoodies for a few days straight so it smells like him when he goes on deployments

Secretly loves when you wear his dog tags. It's a kink of his he won't voice out loud

Loves to spoon you in bed. Very rarely will he not be holding you, or touching you in some way when he sleeps

Takes him a while, but he'll start to look forward to holidays with your family. They welcome him with open arms, and for the first time in a long time, Simon feels like he has a true family who loves him

John Price-

Loves to hear about your day. First thing he asks you when you come home after work is how was your day? And this man GENUINELY listens

Loves to spoil you. Man gives inadvertent sugar daddy vibes. You even hint at something you like or want? He will get it for you

Huge on spontaneous dinner dates. Loves to come home randomly and tell you he's taking you for a night out

Literally has the hardest time saying no to you. For ANYTHING.

He tries to act all tough, but this man is so whipped for you

Loves when you rest your feet in his lap on the couch, as he loves to massage them for you after a long day

Fight me, but this man loves to take baths with you. He loves to relax in the hot water, with you against his chest. He can literally fall asleep like this

Always insists on paying when you go out to eat. Never, ever let's you foot the bill (if you pout enough, he may let you, but will feel bad about it afterward)

Will watch any TV show you want. He says he hates romantic dramas, but he's just as invested as you are

Kisses with him are always longing, and always want you leaving more

Man is a Valentines Day legend. Flowers, chocolates, jewelry, fancy dinners THE WORKS

Johnny Soap MacTavish-

An amazingly fun boyfriend to have.

Johnny always wants to do something fun, go somewhere fun

He's surprisingly amazing at giving massages

Doesn't mind PDA, he'll randomly kiss you in public, hug you, and hold you close. He doesn't care who sees.

Loves to try new things. Whether it's food, movies, or something to spice up the bedroom, the man will never say no to trying something at least once

Not a morning person, and he will have an iron tight grip on you in an attempt to force you to stay in bed longer with him every morning (he always ends up succeeding)

His ideal date with you is a pub. Something with good food, good beer, and even better company.

Loves to "mislead" you about when he's coming home from a mission, because he absolutely adores the look on your face when he surprises you earlier than expected

Adores double dates. Loves to hang out with couple friends.

When you're walking on a sidewalk, he'll always push you on the inside so you're away from the cars

Definitely is that boyfriend that will send you a dozen tik tok reels a day

Please go to an amusement park with him. He'd be so happy winning the various carnival games for you, getting you any stuffed animal of your choosing

You two cannot do surprises for one another. You get too excited and end up telling each other gifts or surprises the minute you plan them

Kyle Gaz Garrick-

This man loves to surprise you with flowers. Had a bad day? Flowers. Wants you to feel a little extra loved? Flowers. Thought you looked cute one day? Flowers.

Loves to go to furniture stores with you. Even if you don't actually need it, the two of you can spend hours looking around at various stores

Enjoys cooking for you. He's one to try new recipes, and loves seeing your reactions to them.

Firmly believe this man loves to dress up as a couple and that Halloween is his absolute favorite holiday.

Adorably loves to have a "chore" day once a week with you, where you both do house chores together for a few hours, while each of you gets to pick what song plays in the background

So supportive of any hobby you might have. Like to paint? He'll continuously buy you paint brushes. Love video games? He'll buy you any new one that comes out he'd think you'd enjoy.

Whenever you guys go out, he always orders something you like for his meal, in case you don't like yours

If you have longer hair, he loves to play with it and help you style it

Best movie buddy ever. He LOVES going to the movies with you, and will get you all the popcorn and snacks you desire

Will hold your bags for you while you shop, and will fight you if you try to carry your own

König-

Possibly the sweetest boyfriend out of all of them

You will catch him staring at you ALL the time. Any second he gets, he will be looking at you

Loves date night ins. Cooking together or getting takeout and cuddling on the couch together while watching a movie? This man'll be in heaven

Loves to offer you his arm in public. Plays into his size kink when your small hand wraps around his bicep whenever you walk anywhere.

Man will WORSHIP you in bed. Wants nothing more than to make you happy in every aspect of your life.

Is more of a cat person than a dog person, so you two end up getting quite a few kitties around the house

Always kisses you like you're delicate. Loves to place gentle, loving kisses to your lips when you least except it, and his cheeks always flush a deep pink when he does

Will always shower with you. When he's home from missions you very, very rarely shower alone. Loves to help you shampoo your hair

Adores ADORRESSS when you wear his clothes. Triggers the man's size kink like no other when his shirts are like dresses on you

Amazing at aftercare. Always wants to make sure you're satisfied. Will warm a towel for you, get your water-whatever you need.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

3K notes · View notes

mickandmusings · 2 months ago

Text

no caller id

pairing: javi rivera x f!reader, tyler owens x f!reader

word count: 2.6k

summary: she had been there alongside javi the day that their three best friends' lives had been taken. when kate took off to new york and javi to wherever the military took him, she felt mostly alone back in oklahoma. until a handsome chaser blew through town with an ef-3 and stole her heart. things were going great, she was finally happy. until that all too familiar contact flashes across her phone at 3am.

two times javi fell asleep in her sheets, only for her to wake up alone, and the one time she finally realized she would never wake up alone again.

warnings: angsty, mega angsty; no use of y/n; mentions of death and grief; grief is really a big theme here; reader is described wearing a dress; no detailed smut but it's implied

*based on megan moroney’s ‘no caller id’

Two months.

It had taken Javi two months after the accident to call her. Two months after she found out alongside him her three closest friends had died. Two months after attending three funerals in the span of one week. Two months since she decided to start therapy for the grief and survivors guilt. Two months since she had heard anything about his life.

She didn't blame him, not really, none of the three of them that had survived seemed to talk to one another. She had called Kate a month beforehand, but she hadn't responded. Her texts were opened but never responded to. Kate had arguably taken it harder than her or Javi, so she didn't bother her. Javi, however, him ignoring her burned like fire.

Before it all went to shambles, they had a sort of more-than-friends relationship. She piled into the passenger side of his van on nearly every chase, helped him man the data collection, helped him take care of Dorothy every time she began to fall apart. She sat at the dinner table of his small apartment to help him with his research on his findings, and knew his gas station order by heart. They danced around his kitchen to his dance playlist, and he made her laugh harder than anyone. Addy had always joked that Javi had feelings for her, but she'd been so blind to his advances that she'd never even realized.

But tonight, two months after all of it, his name had flashed across her phone screen, the same corny heart behind it that she'd never deleted since he first put his number in her phone.

Javi <3: You in town?

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Javi had skipped town after everything, Kate following behind him. She had been the only one left in their small town in Oklahoma. She picks up the device and her thumbs hover over the keyboard for a while before she responds:

Yeah. You too?

She sets the phone down, thinking he wouldn't respond for a while. Javi had always been a notoriously bad texter. But only a minute later it vibrates with a new message.

Javi <3: For tonight. Meet me at The Shack in an hour?

The Shack was a local bar, only ten minutes from her house. Her heart hammers, why was he in town for only the night? And more importantly, why did he want to see her after months of not bothering to check on her? Her fingers hover over the 'send' button, the simple word typed up: 'busy.' She wanted to be angry, to resent him for not bothering to call, but her heart softens, and she deleted the message. Instead, she sends a thumbs up emoji and tosses her phone back on the couch. Despite her excitement, she couldn't shake the feeling that this was a bad idea.

As she walks into the tiny but crowded bar, she tries to spot Javi, but she can't find his curls draping over his shoulders, or pulled into a bun behind his head. She almost gives up until she hears his voice.

"I'm right here."

She turns, and, sure enough, sitting in a booth in the corner sits Javi.

He looks...different.

He'd chopped his curls into a short, neat cut, and he looked somehow heavier behind his usually playful eyes. Long gone was the boy she knew-the one who had an affinity for loud music and taking naps wherever there was flat ground. He had been replaced by someone that certainly looked like him, but didn't have that same spark.

"Hey."

He stands and gives her a small hug, his smile not exactly reaching his eyes. She returns the gesture, settling into the booth across from him as they fall into light conversation over drinks. They catch up after the past two months, all while avoiding the topic that lingers like heavy smoke between them. Her lungs burn just thinking about what Praveen would have said if he saw them now. She finally gathers the courage to broach a relatively sore subject:

"So, what brings you back into town?"

His eyes dart down to his lap, his shoulders slouching.

"Uh, it's my last night home for a while."

She nods, understanding the need to get out of here, the ghosts of their past certainly had begun to haunt.

"Where are you headed?"

"Uh, Iraq."

Her eyes widen as she almost chokes on her drink.

"Very funny, Javi."

"Not joking."

His serious expression shows he isn't. Her heart hammers, what had she missed in two months?

"Javi, what the hell are you doing in Iraq?"

"Don't really know, I just go where they tell me to. Not my job to argue with Uncle Sam."

Her eyes widen further. No way in hell would she ever have seen that coming.

"Y-You joined the military?"

He nods, throwing back the rest of his drink.

"Didn't chop off a head of perfectly good hair for the fun of it."

For a split second, she felt disheartened, everyone was leaving, moving on, while she was here, stuck in the same small town. After another drink, and another, they fall into easy conversation. And by the time she's three drinks deep, he almost feels like the Javi she remembered.

That night is the first night she lets Javi into her bed, only to wake up naked and alone.

But it wouldn't be the last.

The second time it happened, she didn't even blame him, it had been hard on both of them. Kate hadn't bothered to come back home, and she didn't blame her, because as she looks around at the framed pictures of her now-deceased friends, she thinks she might explode.

It's Christmas Eve, nearly two years later, and she's sitting on Jeb's mother's couch as the older woman dotes on she and Javi both. Her sweater itches around her collar, and she's sweating, but she figures it has little to do with the heat of the fireplace and more to do with the lingering awkward flames between she and the military-uniform clad man beside her. Her hands grasp a cup of eggnog, but even the rum in it could not soothe the ache burning in her chest.

Javi hadn't even bothered to contact her after their night together. In fact, he'd done more to ignore her completely. Her occasional texts had gone ignored, he had read her message on his birthday, but never acknowledged it, and she was sure he hadn't even read her concerned affections she'd sent on the anniversary of the accident. She'd been so worried about him, and he couldn't have cared less about her.

She puts on a good act, because Jeb's mom doesn't deserve her coldness. The woman was kind, and loved she and Javi as her own. Days like today were hard for all three of them, but the grief combined with the anger she feels at Javi, all she wants to do is run from the warm and inviting living room she's sitting in. After a few hours of talking and gift giving, she finally meets the cold winter air and feels so relieved that tears prick behind her eyes. She takes a deep breath as she clutches the boxed gift in her hand, wiping her eyes on the back of her sleeve. Javi stands only a few feet behind her, watching everything. His voice cuts the silence that had seemed so permanent between them:

"If you want to talk about it, I'm here."

She scoffs.

"Javier, you wouldn't answer me when I told you happy birthday, much less now."

His full name tumbling from her lips stings more than it should. He lets it sting, he deserves it, he'd been an asshole.

"You're right, I-I fucked up. I know. But you're standing in front of me, and you're hurting, and I'm the only one here that knows the way your chest hurts. Kate, she-she just pushes through and ignores it. You and me, we're not built like that."

She knows Javi is right, but she would never admit that, not to his face. Silence falls over them again before she finds the courage to turn around and look at him. He's less Javi and more Lieutenant Rivera these days, his eyes hardened and his tone gruff. She can hardly see the reminiscent parts of the boy she'd spent four springs in a van with. Grief and the regular hardship of life had made them different people, but she still loved him, despite it all.

"I've got to visit Addy's mom, and Praveen's parents after this. You comin'?"

Maybe she was angry with the way Javi had treated her, but her friends' parents were expecting them both, and he had been truthful-they were the only two who understood the specific pain of losing your three closest friends in death, and the other while she was still living. Her response comes out witty, almost like the girl she used to be.

"As long as you're driving."

That night, after they'd split a bottle of red in her living room, they fall back into their usual ritual when he came to town: her writhing in pleasure underneath him. The next day, Christmas morning, the only evidence that Javi had been there was his empty wine glass on her coffee table.

She swore to herself that it would never happen again. As she washed her delicate glasses in the sink, she repeats her vow. When she finishes, she dries her hands, grabs her phone and clicks on his contact. She can't find the heart to block him, just in case he really needs her, but she changes his name in the hopes she'll ignore his calls. 'Javi <3' no longer resided in her phone, only a contact titled 'No Caller ID.'

For the next year, she does what she always does: she wakes up early for coffee, gets ready for her job as a local middle school science teacher, teaches for eight hours, and comes home to an empty house. After everything that had happened in the past few years, she'd resigned herself to being entirely alone for the rest of her life. She hadn't heard from Kate in nearly a year, and she'd intentionally not wanted to hear from Javi ever again. He'd called from time to time, only ever in the very early morning hours of a Friday or Saturday morning. She already knew what he wanted, so she ignored them.

She was isolated and alone. The most 'chasing' she did was watching a group of rowdy, self-proclaimed 'Tornado Wranglers' on YouTube. They make her smile on bad days, doing things so absurd she'd never have thought up most of them. One particular night, she finds herself watching a stream of them chasing in a town only an hour or two from her hometown. On a whim, and maybe a little cloudy from her post-dinner wine, she shoots the account a message, wondering if they'd come speak to her sixth graders who were currently studying weather. She doesn't expect anything from it, it was a long shot, and it's likely no one would answer her. But the next morning, as she scrolls through notifications from the time she'd been asleep, a response sits staring back at her on the screen.

'We'd love to come speak to some junior Wranglers! Next Thursday at 10 AM sound good?'

Her eyes widen and she beams, feeling giddy for the first time in a very long time. That Thursday morning, in an act so unbelievably unlike her, she finds herself putting on her favorite teaching dress and maybe a little more effort into her hair. She feels ridiculous the entire time she drives to her job, but when she spots the familiar red truck in the parking lot, she feels like one of her students with a crush.

The second the group comes to her classroom, everything feels a little surreal. They're exactly as they come across on screen-except for the so-called leader. Tyler Owens, in all of his backwards-baseball-cap glory, is infinitely more handsome in person. Her schoolgirl blush only grows when he's charming and easy-going with her students' dozens of questions, relevant or not, and his witty humor. She feels her heart grow when he gives each of her students their own Wranglers shirts before he approaches her with one of her own, and, attached is a sticky note that she doesn't have a chance to read before he leaves. Once her students break for recess she peels it off the fabric and smiles widely as she reads the messy handwriting:

'We're in town chasing til Sunday. Wanted to invite you for a drink, on me. Saturday? Text me, or call me, and we'll make it a date. -Tyler'

His number sits under his name and she finds herself blushing again before pulling out her phone and adding his number into her contacts before typing out a message to him:

'I'm free anytime Saturday night, and there's a great bar called The Shack not far from my place. I'll meet you there?'

From that moment on, it was rare to see one without the other. Only three dates in, Tyler had already asked her to be his girlfriend, and she had accepted. Within the year, she was back to doing what she loved most-chasing storms and helping those in need with people who loved it as much as she did. After hours upon hours of late night crying sessions and tender affections, she explained her treacherous relationship with Javi, and bit by tiny bit, her heart was healed by the goofy and sensitive boy behind the cowboy hat. Falling in love with Tyler had been easy: he was funny, and smart, and kind, and, maybe most importantly, never made her feel like she was nothing more than an after-hours option.

Now, two years into their relationship, she sleeps next to him in her pale pink sheets, his warmth radiating onto her chilled skin in the coldness of the winter night. Tyler's calloused hands are gentle under her shirt, lightly caressing her sides. Both of them are nearly asleep, it's dark, and late, nearly three in the morning. Her eyes close against his chest, and she's almost asleep when her phone rings. She assumes it's Boone-he had a habit of showing up at her house at all hours of the morning. Tyler groans, his voice cutting through the darkness:

"Jesus, what does Boone want this time?"

She rolls her eyes at her melodramatic boyfriend, rolling over to grab her phone from the nightstand as her eyes adjust to the brightness of the screen. When she gets a glance at the name flashed across her device, she stills, simply staring down at it for a minute.

No Caller ID

Every memory of the Javi she once knew flickers in her mind-the boy she once knew, the person that he was no longer. The Javi she loved had died the same day her three closest friends had. She declines the call, letting it fade back to her lockscreen as she simply stares at the picture of her and Tyler she'd set as her wallpaper.

"Baby, what's the matter?"

Tyler's voice snaps her out of her haze. She shakes her head, simply tossing on her 'do not disturb' before rolling back into his hold.

"Who was it?"

She nuzzles into his neck, finding comfort in the arms of the man who loved her-unconditionally, always, not just when she was convenient. Tyler had never left her naked and alone, he was always there when she woke up.

"Nobody, spam, no caller ID."

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