#and i don’t know what being myself looks like in tbe midst of all this
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need someone to take the ex RO trope away from me
#every single time i’m like Yes. Yes This Is Helping. Yes I Feel Stronger. Y- [passes out sobbing]#i mean it’s delicious angst but i’m a hurtcomfort demon and hurtcomfort is not the genre of my life so it just ends up making me feel crappy#but it’s sooooooooooo. like i love it. and the. like the lingering sense of But Maybe and the way it’s validated in games. and th-#like i need someone to come over and blacklist all lovers to strangers to lovers content it is NOT good for me ‼️ [continues reading]#anyways everything feels bad again and i can’t do anything about it and my escapism all reminds me of it and the news is horrible and home#is horrible and uni is horrible and social stuff is horrible#and being this hopeless and negative about everything makes me feel entirely un-myself but i haven’t been myself in weeks#and i don’t know what being myself looks like in tbe midst of all this#and i’m working really hard to be good about it but then i think like this and it crumbles HDJDHD#going to my highschool reunion tomorrow where not a single teacher or classmate will remember or recognize me. that’s exciting#also been repeatedlyjaving the thought that id just be fine with it now to be some random mans nonsexualhousewife. family would ve happy.#and i wouldnt have 2 get a job and id just have to take care of a house. like as long as i can find sum1 who doesnt want sex it could work#and id never have to worry abt being alone again even if itd suck and id hate myself forever. but no job. n happy family#idk i promised myself i wouldnt like. give up like this. but i dontsee any other situation that doesnt end in me#like left entirely alone? i either give up family for the possibility of a fulfilling life as a lesbian but only certain ill be alone#or i try and make the best of things and make like. doing what they want. livable#anyways. back to the same dilemma as 14 year old me but this time knlwing im a lesbian and not bi. so theres not even a chance ill be happy#fun times#mano.mindtalk#neg
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