#as long as i don't exhaust myself from like. walking/standing too long at least

[whelpimnauthuman]

So I just got my ice vest! MIL ordered 2 by accident (Spouse had asked if she could buy them bc Prime, she assumed it was for Spouse and BIL), so now I have so many ice packs. Like, as long as I have a cooler with me, I can take what I'm using, replace it with another frozen set, still have more left over.

I feel like the T-Rex with the grabbers

[zxoaii]

Touch

fem! reader x bodyguard Choso

Summary: After the being sent to attend an event, Y/n and Choso find themselves more caught up with each other.

SMUT

WC: 2k

Wattpad: _Bolter

[ Y/n ]

"You look good in a suit." Choso looks at me while I adjust his tie. "You are stunning. No one is going to notice me with you right next to me." He's always so sweet.

"Thank you."

The elevator door rings out and the doors open. Choso offers me his arm. I take it as we walk into the foyer of the ballroom.

"Good evening." The host draws our attention to him. My bag clicks open as I retrieve the invitation. "He's my plus one." Of course, if he knows who I am he'd know that.

Money and Jujutsu Sorcery don't usually meet but somewhere, they did. I wouldn't say my clan is completely good but we are a force to be reckoned with.

My mother is the current head of the clan and because of my apparent lack of cursed energy, I was assigned a bodyguard.

I've had several throughout my life but this one is my favorite. Choso is a gentleman. He's caring and friendly. Not to mention, he is not bad-looking at all.

He isn't even a Jujutsu Sorcerer. He's a half-curse.

We walk into the crowded ballroom together. I love parties. They're a nightmare for him. He wouldn't ever say it out loud though.

Choso instinctively takes his arm away from me and falls two paces behind me. Technically we're supposed to act like he isn't here.

Still, it saddens me to lose his touch.

"Ms. Y/l/n, you look incredible. The last time I saw you, you were only a teenager. It's been so long!" I'm thrown into a conversation before I can tell Choso he should stand with me.

The night starts to drag on with insignificant conversations one after another. Being polite is exhausting. Especially when it's spent being polite to people who can't help but be self-obsessed.

As soon as I get a chance I excuse myself to go get a drink. I take Choso's arm and lead us to the drink table. "Do you want some?"

Choso shakes his head. Oh well. I take a glass of champagne for myself. It's a shame this is all they choose to serve. Still, it's better than nothing.

"How long have we been here?"

"45 minutes."

I want to spit my drink out. Only 45 minutes? It feels like we've been here for hours. I've been talking for hours. It's impossible.

"Seriously?"

Choso nods and scans the room. "Come on, there's not actually anyone here who's going to do anything to me." He gives me an unsure glance. "How long do we have to stay for?" My feet ache already. It's freezing in here. I would rather be anywhere else and I'd rather it just be him and I.

"You're supposed to stay for an hour and a half at least."

"What if I say I'm sick?"

Choso takes my empty glass from me and returns it to the table. "We came all this way just for this." He reminds me.

He looks so good in his suit. If I could have a picture of him dressed up like this I'd keep it in a locket.

"Y/n!" A voice calls out excitedly from behind me.

I really hate parties.

.  .  .

Choso sits in the front seat of the car as we're driven to our hotel. I can't stop admiring him. My cheeks flush when he looks at me through the rearview.

We hold eye contact until I look away.

The driver eventually stops in front of our hotel and opens my door for me. "Thank you." I step out of the car. Warm humid air wraps itself around my bare skin.

Choso follows behind me as I make my way inside. I can't come up with any valid reasons as to why I'd need to go to his room.

The walk through the lobby, then the elevator ride, and finally the walk to my room are all too short. I don't have enough time to think of something.

I stop at my door to give myself a second to think.

"Are you ok?"

My hand lingers on the doorknob for a moment before falling to my side. "Choso, you should come in with me."

I turn to look at him after I ask. "What?" This is the first time I've seen him so caught off guard. Maybe that's because he usually stands behind me.

"I want you to come in with me."

"We have our own rooms." Despite his now hardened reaction, his cheeks are red with blush. "Ok." I stop pushing and unlock my door.

"Goodni-"

Choso's hand lands on the door to stop it from shutting. He looks down at me from his place in the doorway. I step out of his way and he walks into the room. The door shuts behind him, leaving us in darkness. Some of the city lights illuminate parts of the room.

Just enough so I can see him.

My heart beats heavily in my chest as I reach out to touch him. Choso steps closer to me and allows me to start undoing his tie.

It falls to the floor but my hands remain on his chest. I have to stand on my toes to reach his lips. Choso leans in and meets me in a kiss.

My hands grip his shirt in fistfuls. Our kiss becomes increasingly desperate. My back meets the wall with a thud. One of his hands lands on the wall next to my head. The other finds its way onto my back.

Choso follows my spine with his fingers. He reaches the nape of my neck and takes the zipper of my dress. The straps fall from my shoulders as the zipper is drawn lower and lower.

When the entire thing is unzipped I let it pool around my ankles. Choso lifts me and carries me across the room. He handles me so gently. I'm laid carefully onto the bed.

My heels are slipped off my feet and then tossed across the room. Choso's lips start at my ankles and trail upwards. Each kiss leaves me more and more entranced by his touch.

As his lips meet my thighs he starts to linger longer. My fingers reach out and grab his hair. He continues up to my hips and for a moment I think he might keep going until our lips meet again.

Instead, he hooks my underwear with his fingers and gives himself more access to me. His touch runs hot across my skin as he pulls my underwear down completely.

"Is this ok?"

"You don't have to ask."

My hands encourage his movements. Choso's lips meet my core in a heated kiss. The kiss feels starved like he needs me to live. He shifts my left leg over his shoulder to give himself better access.

"Oh my god..." I sit up, resting on my elbows to look at him. Choso is still completely dressed. Despite how good-looking he is in his suit, I want it off.

"Take your shirt off."

Choso doesn't falter or stop. Instead, he works his jacket off and lets it fall to the floor. He starts working on the buttons down his shirt until he can take that off too.

His back is painted with scars that remind me of where he came from. My eyes are drawn down by his. Choso watches me through lustful hooded eyes.

His tongue presses against my clit causing my legs to bend instinctively. The dim lights from the window draw harsh shadows across his body.

Choso's hair is a mess from my hands. It falls into his face and tickles the inside of my thighs. Still, he deepens his movements.

The graze of his teeth against sensitive flesh causes a gasp. My hips grind against his mouth as he presses his tongue flat against me. Choso lets out a deep moan that vibrates through my body.

Pleasure starts to build up within me overwhelmingly quickly. "Don't stop." My pleas are answered by Choso's quickened kissing.

He moans once more. My eyes fall lower, following his arm. Choso masturbates as he eats me out. "Shit." The sigh drags on with my orgasm.

Choso doesn't stop until I fall back onto the bed. He pulls away breathlessly and fully removed his pants. His toned chest is also littered with scars that only continue to turn me on.

"Can you continue?" He licks his lips and runs his hand along my thigh. "Yes." Choso nods and reaches up to remove my bra. "You're fucking beautiful." His hands run along my body as if to memorize the feeling.

I shift to the edge of the bed, sitting on my knees so I can kiss him. This kiss is soft. Choso's hand carefully holds my chin. I follow him blindly as he sits down on the bed.

We pull away for a moment. Gentle hands guide me onto his lap. Choso holds my back as I fit him inside of me. The pain turns to pleasure within a minute.

Our eyes stay locked as I roll my hips. My nails dig into his back as I move against him. "Y/n." My name comes out as a plead more than a statement.

My desperate movements become quicker at his unsaid request. Choso peppers kisses along my neck and shoulders. He finds a spot and begins to suck on it to leave a mark.

I tilt my head to the side to give him more access. "Ah- Choso!" He bites down on my neck. I don't know if he drew blood or not but his tongue traces the bite mark several times before he moves on.

Choso's hands grip my ass. He guides me vertically in addition to my horizontal movements. Our moans grow louder together as I follow his movement.

"You're so fucking perfect." Choso catches my lips after his comment, only for a moment. He watches me with such loving eyes my heart flutters in my chest.

Has he always looked at me like this?

The buildup of my second orgasm comes along with his. His grip on me tightens, I feel the twitch of his cock inside me, and his head falls forward onto my shoulder.

Choso mumbles words I can't hear over the sound of my own moans. My orgasm washes over me so intensely that my legs twitch at his side.

We hold each other for a minute before I shift off of his lap to lie down. Choso collapses down next to me. My hand finds his, intertwining our fingers.

"You're... Unbelievable."

The smile on my face feels like it might never go away again. "Do you like me, Choso?" I look over at him from my spot.

"Like you? Of course I like you." He meets my eyes for a moment before shyly looking away. "Do you have deeper feelings for me?"

If the lighting was better I think I'd be able to see that bright red blush all across his face. "I do." His eyes search the ceiling for anything to look at other than me.

"I have deeper feelings for you too." I sit up so he can't avoid looking at me. "You do?" I brush his sweaty hair from his face. "Of course." Choso doesn't return my happy grin.

Instead, he sits up and meets my lips in another passionate kiss. My arms lock around his shoulders to hold him closer. I'd stay like this forever if I had the choice.

Choso pauses for a moment then pulls away. He rubs my thigh as his eyes trail along my neck. He stops at the spot I assume he had bitten. My fingers feel across the skin for a moment before finding the mark.

"I'm sorry. You just tasted so good."

"Don't talk."

I lean back in and happily take another kiss from him. The bite mark will be hard to hide, especially since nothing I packed covers my neck.

Still, if he wanted to bite me again he could.

We could do this all over again as many times as he wants.

[bethelighthalazia]

Dancing Forever

Summary:  When your boyfriend doesn't take enough care of himself, the inevitable happens at the end of one of ATEEZ’s concerts.

Pairing: bf!Yunho x fem!reader

Word Count:  983

Warnings: angst, injury, blood

[ AN: Since some people asked, here is part two to "Last Dance". It´s not very long, but I hope you guys like it anyway <3 RE-UPLOAD FROM MY OLD ACCOUT @justsomedreaming tagging @mingis-mizu, @vic0921 since they asked :3]

© by bethelighthalazia. Do not repost, copy or translate. Unless stated otherwise, those works are mine and born from my own ideas. I don't have any claim on the mentioned real existing Idols whatsoever.

Seonghwa´s arms tightly around you, you can´t hold back a sob, tears wetting his skin, since he's still in his stage outfit. “Shh, it's okay, he'll be fine, Y/nnie.” He whispered, not able to ban the tremble from his own voice. His hands gently caressing your back, he looked around to make sure that the security staff emptied the hall quickly. You two had been standing there for almost an hour before he slowly started walking to the backstage area, pulling you with him. When you reached the room where they gathered before the show, you froze in the doorway, eyes puffy from the crying. “Y/nnie, we-” Honjoong starts, but Mingi already crossed the room to pull you into his arms to calm you down just a bit at least. 

“He's okay. Take a breath, Y/nnie, for Yunho, yes?” Mingis voice was quiet, a tremble in it tells you that he's scared too, but he also sounds somewhat optimistic. “Our doctor here has checked on him, it's not as bad as it looked like.” He hummed, his hand resting on the back of your head while he looked at the others, silently asking if they should let you see Yunho or wait a bit. When the others nodded, Mingi leaned back a little, taking your face in his hands and smiled at you. “Look at me,” He waited for you to look into his eyes and then a small smile spread on his lips, you´re not sure if he tried to convince you or himself though. “He's okay, he's just sleeping for now. It looks bad, but I promise you, Yunho is okay.”

Nodding slowly, Mingi then led you over to the sofa where they had laid Yunho down to rest. He looked rather pale, but you saw his chest moving, his head had a bandage wrapped around, covering the spot where his head hit the stage, dried blood on his outfit. “Y- yuyu…I- I'm sorry, I- I should have noticed-” You whispered when you dropped to your knees next to the sofa, carefully brushing some hair out of his face, your voice hoarse from the crying. Yunho shifted when he heard your voice, his lips parting slightly, but you didn't notice it at first, because you had laid your head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. “I should- I should have made you sleep and eat…then this would- wouldn't have hap-” “Jagiya…please-” Yunho's weak voice interrupted your little ramble, his fingers caressing your head caused you to look up at his face. 

“Jagi…’ts not your fault,” he hummed, voice slightly slurred, but he would never let you beat yourself up over something that's his fault, and his alone. “Didn't want…to disappoint you or he boys…” You could hear the others shift behind you at his words, ready to tell him that they would never be disappointed in him, but with a little wave of your hand you stopped them. “Yuyu…why didn't you talk to us?” At your question, he sighed quietly, frowning. “I- I thought you were mad at me or something because…it seemed like you avoided me, Yuyu…” “I was mad at myself, jagi. For messing up my lines and- and taking so much time to practice and everything…I was mad at myself that I didn't spend as much time with you anymore.” Yunho mumbled quietly, a little scoff behind you let both of you look up and frown. 

It had been Mingi, his fingers massaging the bridge of his nose. “Yunho, if you wouldn't lay there right now, I'd really kick your behind.” He said, shaking his head with an exhausted expression. “We all thought you and Y/nnie had a fight or something, because you'd spend more time at the company than with her. It was bad enough for us to think you'd blow off the pro-” “The promise you made us to ask y/nnie to come on the next tour with us!” Wooyoung interrupted Mingi quickly, the taller one's eyes widened when he clears his throat. Now it was Yunho who scoffed with a little sigh, he knew exactly what Mingi was talking about. While you were looking at his friends, Yunho carefully reached into his outfit's pocket and pulled out a little velvety box that he had hidden in there the whole concert.

“Well- I uhm-” he started, swallowing hard as he tried to sit up, but you quickly turned to make him lay down again, you wouldn't want to rush him get hurt even more. “Jagi, I-” Another sigh, he seemed nervous for some reason, but before you could say something, he continued to speak. “I actually…wanted to do this on stage after the concert today…Hongjoong hyung had helped me to plan this, but- uhm, well- I…Y/n, d- would you- I-” Yunho stammered, stumbling over the words that were basically just spilling from his lips. For a moment, you thought the injury on his head might be the reason, so you already wanted to get water or the doctor again, but Yunho gently took your hand in his.

“Jagiya…would- would you do this dance of life with me together forever? A- as my wife?”

This question had you stunned. Yes, you and Yunho were in this relationship for almost two years now, but you never thought about marriage before. Especially the last weeks, you secretly feared he would break up, so you absolutely did not expect this. Then his rambling before, he wanted to ask you on stage? Propose to you publicly in front of thousands of fans and cameras? You only realized that you probably took too long to think, because behind you, seven throats were cleared to pull you out of your thoughts, making you look at Yunho. Your precious boyfriend, who's looking at you with his wonderful dark puppy eyes. 

“I- Yes, Yunho. I would love that.”

taglist: @mingis-mizu, @tinyelfperson

(if you want to be added to a taglist, follow the taglist-link in my pinned post)

[nar-nia]

heeseung x reader

word count: ~ 700

warnings: angst

“I just need to prioritize my work right now,” Heeseung shrugged.

“And not me,” you almost whispered.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing.” You buried your face into your book again, shielding it from Heeseungs glance.

“That didn't sound like nothing. What is it?”

“It's nothing. Forget about it - just go back to your work.”

You could feel Heeseung staring at you for one, two, three seconds, but finally he nodded and put on his jacket. “Fine. I offered to talk.”

It didn't take long until you heard the door close, your hands gripping the book tightly as you tried to hold back your tears.

~~~

“Do you want to say what's wrong or are you just going to stare at your plate?”

Heeseungs words made you look up, you hadn't even realized that you just kept digging around with your fork.

“Oh - I’m just thinking about some stuff.”

“Can you hurry up please? You know I’m busy, I barely have time for this dinner anyway.”

You didn't expect to hear annoyance in Heeseungs tone, but it was clearly there, accompanied by the constant tapping of his foot.

“I’m sorry… I didn't know you had to go back to work again. I just wanted to spend time with you.”

“I’m meeting up with some friends.”

“Okay...” He hadn't even acknowledged your wish. “You can go - I can eat alone. Have fun please.”

You barely had time to react when Heeseung put on his jacket and almost ran out the door, the sound of your heart breaking perfectly timed with the closing door.

~~~

It was almost midnight and you were tossing and turning around in your empty bed. Normally you would have gone to sleep 2 hours ago so you could at least function at your job, but you had been waiting for Heeseung, wanting to spend at least a bit of time with him. But he hadn't returned yet, no text, nothing. You couldn't stop the feeling of loneliness spreading all around you, covering you in cold darkness as you grabbed your phone, texting Heeseung a little goodnight message.

~~~

1 am. No answer.

2 am. Still nothing.

3 am. He had seen the message, but no answer.

4 am.

5 am.

6 am. You heard the door opening, a clearly drunk Heeseung stumbling into your bed as you just got up to start getting ready. He didn't even say hello as he walked past you.

~~~

“Y/n, please move. I told you I need to leave.” Heeseung groaned, his whole body screaming exhaustion. You were standing in front of the door, tears already welling up in your eyes as you just stared at him, trying to find the right words to say.

“You could make it less obvious that you don't care about me, you know,” you finally managed to get out.

“What?”

“I don't know what I did that made you stop liking me. Or stop wanting to spend time with me, but whatever it was I am genuinely sorry.” It was getting harder to hold back sobs, but somehow you managed. “I’m sorry, but I hate this. We have barely talked those last few weeks, you always say you're busy. Everything else is more important to you than your own girlfriend!”

“That's not true.”

You stared at him. “I understand that you're busy with work. And I understand that you want to meet your friends. But is it really too much to ask for some time with you too?”

“I haven't seen my friends in a while. You should understand that,” Heeseung huffed. “They're important to me.”

“I should be important to you too, Heeseung,” you mumbled. “I have barely seen you too.”

“You are.”

“Am I?” Now the tears were really flowing. “Because you're doing a shit job at showing it. And it makes me feel awful. I hate myself for how often I stare at my phone or the door, hoping you’ll come to spend some time with me. I can't do this anymore.”

Heeseung just glared at you. “Do you want to break up?”

“Do you? Because it doesn't feel like you want to be around me at all.”

“Answer my question first.”

Oh. Your heart sank, a sob breaking free. “I just want to spend time with my boyfriend.”

Heeseung nodded. You saw it almost in slow motion, the way he put on his jacket and walked towards the door, going right through it as you stumbled to the side. He had made his choice.

feedback is always appreciated <33 i'm sending you all a big hug.

[poetryandfluffycats]

Hiii how are you? :D can I request Natsume teasing a soft dom reader who is usually very innocent and dense until they snap and punish him? Like they're all "I don't wanna hurt you are you okay with this are you sure? :(" so Natsume's just like "just rail me ffs" and purposely getting on their nerves so they act up afhgahfgaf I hope I made myself clear ^^"

A/N: I cant tell whether I hate this fic or love it

Pairing: Natsume Sakasaki x fem!reader

Warnings: NSFW, choking, teasing, degrading(natsume to reader), prasie(reader to natsume), marking/biting, hair pulling, oral over clothes, natsume is a head pusher, finger sucking, handjobs, fingering(reader to herself), rough sex, riding, soft dom reader turned mean, kitten used as petname, reader is mentioned to be taller than natsume

Content: Its been a long day, all you want to do is fall into your bed and rest. That's until your boyfriend shows up offering a... different way to relax.

Words: 2.8k

NSFW oneshot under cut!

Punish me~

Collapsing onto your bed, you let out a heavy sigh, the events of the day weighing on your mind. Its not like it had been a horrible day, per say, just one of those days where everything seemed so dull and exhausting. With idol work, school, and your after school job, you were so stressed and completely burnt out. There was nothing more you wanted to do than curl up in your plush sheets and drift off into a nice slumber-

"(name)? ArE yoU home?"

Ah. Right. Natsume was coming to the dorm tonight, wasn't he? How could you have forgotten? It was a plan you yourself had made! And he had been so excited about it too, talking about how he couldn't wait to have fun with you...

Yet here you were, already half asleep in your nightgown, having completely forgotten about your dear boyfriend. How selfish were you? You had cancelled your previous plans due to idol work so many times, and when you finally had time you couldn't be assed to remember you invited him!

"Y-yeah! In here!" You called out, forcing yourself to get out of bed. The least you could do for him was keep him company for the night, considering you forgot about him and all. Quickly, you made yourself presentable, straightening out your gown and rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.

You opened the door, allowing the red headed man to walk in and make himself at home. Compared to you, he looked immaculate. Hair brushed to perfection, not a single wrinkle on his school uniform, even the pendant around his neck looked shinier than usual. He scanned your figure, a small smirk tugging at his lips.

"AlreaDY in your nightwEAR? How scandalOUS" He teased, standing up on his tippy-toes to press a chaste kiss to your lips. You smiled, leaning down to make it a bit easier for him.

"Sorry Natsume... I'm really tired from training today" You admitted, giving him an apologetic smile and ruffling his hair.

He swatted your hand away with a small "Hpmh!" and smoothed out the mess you had created, returning his hair to its original form. The childish action earned a sheepish smile from you. He had always hated it when you did that, saying it only reminded him of how much shorter than you he was. It was adorable.

"Hmm, is thaT so?" He intertwined your fingers together as he led you over to the bed, settling the two of you down on the edge. "I suppoSE I don't minD a slEEpy girlfriEND"

Another small smile tugged at you lips as you scooted closer, resting your head on his shoulder. He was so warm, so comfy. his scent was a mix of salty sweat-most likely from his own idol training-and the tea leaves he commonly used in his spells. It was a smell solely unique to him, one you found comforting.

"YoU know, I might have a waY for yoU to reLAX, (name)" His voice was low, huskier than usual.

The hint of sultriness in his voice was undeniable, causing a warm blush to take over your cheeks. Was he really suggesting that? Right now? You couldn't help but feel impressed by his level of boldness, since you were usually the one to take initiative. It also warranted a bit of concern however. The last thing you wanted was to be taken advantage of because you were stressed out-

"YoU look scarED, kittEN. WhaT'S so scary aboUT a massAGE?"

Oh. That made more sense. Of course he wasn't trying to be suggestive, he was being sweat! You cursed your stupid mind for immediately going there, the embarrassment still lingering on your face.

"R-right, sorry, I guess I'm just a bit on edge today" You gave a nervous chuckle, moving your head back from his shoulder and shifting onto your stomach. "A massage would be lovely, Natsume"

The weight of the bed dipped beside you and you soon felt a pair of slender fingers tracing the bumps of your spine. He slowly moved up to your shoulders and neck, kneading the tensed flesh of your back between his digits like so. His movements were slow, calculated. Clearly he had some sort of experience with this. A pleasant hum left your lips as he worked on the muscles in your shoulders, easing the tension you didn't even know you had been feeling.

"Feels gooD, righT?" He cooed, leaning down to press a delicate kiss to the nape of your neck. You possibly would have noticed the hint of seduction in his tone if you hadn't been so blissed out by his touch.

You could only muster a hum in response, closing your eyes and feeling sleep creep up on you. Natsumes hands trailed down your back once again, removing all the knots and kinks he came into contact with. It made you feel like heaven, like you were the luckiest person in the world to have such a wonderful man with you. You could feel yourself drifting into unconsciousness...

"Natsume!"

The feeling of him lifting up your gown and giving a firm squeeze to your butt cheeks pulled you out of your massage induced trance. You crawled to your knees and whipped your head around, staring at him with wide eyes. Here you had been thinking he was simply trying to be kind, when he was just as pervy as you had originally thought!

"You're not being very good right now, you know..." Your futile attempt at scolding him fell on deaf ears as he crawled onto your lap.

"Am I noT? Hm, maybe you neeD to puniSH me"

He picked up your hands-which had previously been resting by your sides-and brought them to his neck, intimating being choked. Almost as quickly as he had brought them there you pulled them back, trying your hardest not to give into his advances.

"My love, that's dangerous. I could really hurt you doing that, and I'm too tired to take care of you if I do" You sent him a smile, hoping he'd back down from the idea.

Instead, he crawled further into your lap, wrapping his arms around your waist and settling himself right on your crotch. The thin layer of his pants did nothing to hide the throbbing tent poking against you, and the way he pressed himself down against you was not helping the matter.

"StuPID, I can handle iT. Or are you scarED?" A smug grin played at his lips as he continued to grind on you, the look in his eyes growing intenser by the second.

Shit. He knew you all too well. Knew your weaknesses, your turn-ons, and most importantly, how to press your buttons. There was no way you'd back down from a challenge-and you were fully aware he'd never let you forget it if you chickened out-even if this could have some negative consequences later...

It wouldn't hurt to try, right?

"You want it so bad, don't you?" Your voice dropped an octave as you grabbed his hips, swiftly flipping the two of you over so you could be on top. He looked up at you with half-lidded eyes, that painfully annoying smirk still plastered on his face.

"What a silly quesTION, kittEN. Why else would I asK for iT?" He mused, eyes glistening with mischief.

You brought a hand to his neck, testing the waters with a gentle squeeze to the sides. A small moan was torn from his throat, followed by a giggle as he placed his arms behind his head and closed his eyes.

"That all yoU goT? HurrY up alreaDY"

His voice was laced with annoyance and boredom, but the growing budge pressing into your thigh told another story. Clearly, he was enjoying himself, you didn't need to be a genius to figure that out. How much he was enjoying this... it almost made you want to stop out of spite. Make it a real punishment for him, one he'd never forget and have trouble walking because of...

"This is taking too loNG" Natsumes whiny voice broke your train of thought. "Just fuck me (name)-aH!"

Before he could finish you wrapped both hands around his pretty little neck, pressing down hard on his pulse points. The gasp that left him, the way his eyes widened, the way his hands flew up to meekly pull at your own, it made your head spin. His face turned a pale shade of red as you grinded your hips against his clothed erection, his chokes and moans only fuelling you on further.

"You wanted this, take it" You hissed, leaning down to nibble softly at his mouth, scraping and grazing the sensitive skin. "Take it like a good boy"

You released your hands from him, only to pull him up and crash your lips against his. It was a sloppy and harsh kiss, more teeth than anything else. You bit down on his bottom lip, creating a sea of drool and blood to drip down his chin. Tangling your fingers in his hair you yanked him forward, deepening the kiss and giving yourself more area to explore.

He eagerly returned the kiss, grabbing onto your hips and fiddling with the hem of your panties, pulling them down to your ankles with ease. You shimmed out of them without breaking the kiss, throwing them somewhere on the floor. You could deal with that later, being too indulged with him to care now.

"Take this off" Tugging on his tie, you pulled away from the kiss, earning a whimper from Natsume and a whine of protest. "Now"

He didn't waste much time. His tie and shirt hit the ground before you could blink, and his pants came quickly afterwards, leaving him in just his boxers. Whilst keeping your eyes glued to his body you mimicked his actions, striping yourself of your nightgown and exposing yourself fully to him. His eyes trailed up and down your figure, taking in each curve and crevice. He simply adored your body, and clearly so did his cock. It stood up proud in his boxers, a wet patch of pre-cum already seeping through the fabric.

"So cute, so desperate" You cooed, tracing a finger over the wet spot and palming his throbbing member. "Aren't you a cute little boy? Getting so worked up for me"

You lowered your head, resting your chin on his thighs and blowing your hot breath on the cloth of his boxers, drawing out a straggled moan from the trembling man. Licking your lips, you inched closer to his covered length, giving it a few small kitten licks before mouthing at it and sucking out the moisture of his pre-cum. His hips bucked upwards, suffocating your nostrils with his musk.

"Stop teasING!" He spat, grabbing a handful of your hair and pulling downwards, forcing you to take his clothed cock further in your mouth. "Use that mouTH for something usefuL!"

Was he really trying to take control? You didn't like that.

With one swift movement you slapped his hand away, climbing on top of him to wrap your fingers around his throat. Using your free hand you hooked a finger under his boxers and pulled them off, finally freeing his swollen erection. The tip was a glowing pink colour, shiny with pre-cum and tiny droplets of your saliva.

"Don't fucking talk to me that way" You used all your strength to push him down hard against the pillows, tighten and loosening your grip on his neck. "Brat"

He opened his mouth to respond but his words were quickly replaced with a raspy moan was you gave his shaft a firm tug. You released his throat, opting to silence him by shoving two fingers down it instead.

"Suck"

The command was met with an eye roll from Natsume, which you put a stop to by shoving your fingers even further down his throat, causing him to gag and spit up on the tips. You gave his length a few lazy pumps as he hesitatingly compiled, a cocky grin appearing on your face.

"See, that wasn't so hard, was it?" You cooed.

The redhead whined in protest, swirling his tongue around the digits, successfully coating them in slick. Satisfied with his performance, you continued pumping his cock, starting out with a fast and harsh pace. He gasped at the sensation, moaning and whining around your fingers like a whore.

Once they were properly lubed up, you retracted your fingers from his mouth with a nice "pop!" sound. You brought the hand down in between your legs, pressing them up against your entrance. You eased them in slowly, making a sure to make a show of groaning in pleasure to work him up. The way his dick twitched in your hand at the sight was almost comical.

"Stupid bitCH. S-stoP playing with yourseLF! Hurry uP!" There was a primal lust in Natsumes gaze, one that showed just how much he wanted-no, needed-to-be fucked silly. You simply chuckled, pushing your fingers in deeper and increasing the pace of your hand on his cock.

"Oh? I can always stop, if you don't like it..." You taunted, teasingly releasing your grip. "It would be such a shame though, I feel so good right now. I could cum just by fucking myself. Agh~ Fuck!~ Yesss!~"

You threw your head back in mock ecstasy and arching your back, putting on the most erotic display you could muster. The sound that left Natsumes mouth was near animalistic, so desperate and needy. He almost sounded in pain. It was a beautiful view, and it only edged you on further.

"Just let mE stick it iN alreaDY! You'RE wasting your timE!" He wailed. His tone was on the verge of being borderline aggressive, as if he was trying to swap the roles by throwing a temper tantrum. It was adorable.

"Huh? Wasting my time? Darling, aren't you the one who wanted this?" You dragged your fingers out of your dripping hole, using them to jerk him off with both hands. "Didn't you want to be punished?"

Without giving him time to reply you climbed back on top of him, positioning yourself right above his needy tip. You rubbed it in between your folds, mixing his pre-cum with your juices. Natsume bucked his hips and grabbed onto yours, digging his nails in deep and pulling you down ever so slightly. His patience was wearing thin, too desperate to care about your little show.

You took one hand off his cock, using it to brush a strand of hair behind his ear. "I'll give it too you now, okay?"

"Fucking finaLLY"

You dropped down, taking him in inch by inch with ease, hissing as he stretched you out. He fit inside so smugly, like your cunt was moulded for his cock. A low growl left his lips when you took all of him in, your hips falling flush against his. That full feeling, it was one of your favourites.

You didn't spend much time getting adjusted to his length before you lifting your hips up and slamming them back down, creating a fast pace to ride him at. He clawed at your hips as you bounced up and down on him, using his dick as a toy to get off on. You gently wrapped both hands around his neck once again, using it as leverage as you rode him.

His head flew back onto the pillows as a loud, broken moan torn from his throat, hips snapping to meet your movements. His face was twisted with pleasure and pain, mouth wide open with a string of drool hanging out the side and tears forming in his eyes. It was pathetic, you loved it.

"Ngh~ so fucking good" You grunted, feeling your climax coming closer and closer each time his tip grazed over your cervix. "So prefect for me"

He couldn't even response, only letting out another lewd moan, this one even louder than the last. His whole body was trembling like crazy and the small gasps and grunts that left him were straight up sinful. It was clear he was getting close too.

It wasn't long until your walls were clamping down around him hard, the pleasure you were feeling coming to an explosive peak and your juices spraying all over his cock. You were so caught up in your own high that you didn't even notice when he came too, his hot seed filling you to the brim. It all felt so good, like you were in heaven.

Only when you had come down from your brain-numbing high and your brain had regain proper function you noticed just how tight you were squeezing Natsumes neck. The poor boy looked like he was about to pass out. You released your hold in an instant, adrenaline kicking in as you quickly hopped off him and began checking his neck for any damage.

"Shitshitshitshit! Natsume? Natsume! Are you okay?" You cursed yourself for being so careless with him. How could you let this happen?

Your concerns were met with a cough and a small giggle from the man, a small but genuine smile forming on his face. "I'm finE. Told yoU I could handLE iT"

[sirfrogsworth]

I'm still not feeling great, but I really needed groceries. So I forced myself to go last night, which was a really bad idea considering I hadn't recovered from post-exertional malaise as it was.

But I didn't have much food due to stalling for so long. I know I could do delivery or have someone pick stuff up, but I really need to walk around and pick things out. If I am not in the mood for something I won't eat it. I can be picky that way. And then it spoils and I have to throw it out. It's just better if I go to the store and find things that my brain has a craving for.

It just seems like whenever I have the least energy and I try to do a short, simple trip out of the house, I have all of these mini-adventures that make it not as short and simple.

In this case, I didn't even make it out of my driveway before the adventures began. I got in the car there was a warning my tire pressure was low. And usually it isn't that bad and I can just fill up the tires when I have more energy. But one tire was extremely low, so I didn't want to chance it.

I wish I knew why my tires lose air so fast. Seems like I fill them every week or two. I read it could be bad valve stems. But like, on all the tires? I'll save that mystery for another day.

Unfortunately putting air in my tires is just about the hardest task for me specifically. Even if I sit on a stool, I have to bend down in a way that pushes my belly against my lungs. I run out of breath very quickly and so I have to go up and down many times to finish filling the tire. By the end of filling all 4 tires, I was sweating, exhausted, out of breath, light headed, and nauseous.

I really need to find a better way to fill my tires. I could try sitting on the ground, but standing up from the ground is not always easy for me and I'd have to do it 4 times.

I wonder if there is a place I can tip someone to do it.

I digress.

I make it to Sam's and I am struggling before even walking in the store. And they have gigantic shopping carts that take much more energy to push around. Schnucks has these little baby carts that are great for when you need a few items. I guess Sam's assumes if you are going to a bulk store you are going to buy in bulk.

I get my sushi and my brownie bites and everything else and head towards checkout. I have a bit too much stuff for self checkout to make sense, so I get in line.

On one side of me was a guy who was impulse buying a 65" TV. Which is a really bad idea. You should never buy any electronics without researching it first. (Or ask me. Everyone should always ask me before buying technological items.) He was buying a TV that was made to be thin. And if he needed a super thin TV, and he couldn't afford an OLED, it was an okay choice. But for the same price he could get a thicker TV with much better image quality. There was a part of me that wanted to take him back over to the TV aisle and help him make a better decision. But my anxiety thought of about 30 ways that could have backfired and I was barely standing.

And then there was this cart in front of me...

Seriously?

Is there a midwestern hurricane headed this way or something?

I don't even understand how they did this.

This isn't Tetris. This is... overstuffing a turkey.

I'm a little worried about those eggs too.

Thankfully a new lane opened up and I didn't have to wait 30 minutes for them to figure out how to deal with that.

I did try to use my amazing Tetris skills to arrange my items so the bar code was visible for each one. (I probably could have done self checkout, I guess.) Last time the lady thanked me for making it so easy for her. So I was waiting for this lady to pull out her laser shootie price gun and start zapping my stuff.

But she unloaded everything in my cart onto the conveyor.

My shopping cart Tetris skills went unnoticed and she had to do 3 times the work.

Then I get out to the parking lot and a bunch of carts are all blocking the disabled parking space for people with rear-loading wheelchairs.

I tried to move some of them as I went by. I just didn't have the energy to put them all in the receptacle. But even if they are in the yellow zone, that is where they need to unload the wheelchair. I'm just so tired of people being inconsiderate like this.

And I also see a lot of disabled people without wheelchairs using this space. I suppose if it is the only one available, but this is such a great accommodation for wheelchair users. It is much safer to unload away from traffic. I would rather park in the back of the lot than take this option from someone.

Oh, and Schnucks has one of the disabled spots reserved for police and that makes me so mad too. They can double park if there is an emergency. I never see a cop car in that space and so many people could be using that.

Sorry, after pushing my dad around for a year I have become very sensitive to this.

I really wanted to drive straight home, but I still needed some soup and black cherry soda from Schnucks. I probably should have gone back a different day, but sometimes a different day isn't for weeks. So I just got it all done at once. Plus I really wanted to try that Vess black cherry.

Sorry, RefresCoVesScnhucks™ Black Cherry Soda.

I've been pretty sore all day. And I'm still not prepared for the second house auction. And people are coming to pick stuff up from the first auction on Friday. The house is a mess again. Half the groceries aren't put away.

I'm going to need to pull my lantern battery out of the pocket dimension to charge myself back up.

[jellyfishsthings]

Warnings: this is going to be a multi part series and it's going to be angsty cause I am in my feels. Female reader, Padmé and Anakin were together but had a healthy break up, Jedi reader so forbidden love

This story takes plays in Clone Wars yet many events have been changed (like the meeting of Ashoka and Anakin... don't worry the sibling energy is still there.)

series masterlist

I head towards my room. The walk there feels like an eternity. When I finally reach the familiar doors, I slip inside. I remove the damned dress haphazardly as I head towards the shower. I let the cold water envelop me, trying to remove the tension from my shoulders since my usual scalding hot shower routine will not calm me.

After a while, I got out and dressed myself in a long T-shirt and tucked myself under the heavy duvet. My eyes flutter close, exhaustion taking over my senses despite my nap on the ship that was rudely interrupted. Yet, my mind is clouded. Padmé's words resurfaced. "You are made for each other." Yeah sure… as much as I want it to be true, there is no way there is no chance for the two of us. And so I will myself to sleep, and I let myself dream of what we could be.

I dream of him.

Dawn finds me still in my bed for the first time in forever. Today is what I call a "slow" day because I don't have to do anything. So I bury myself under the comfort of my pillow and my comforter, and I stay there for at least one more hour, doing absolutely nothing. Yet my body craves movement, and I can't stay still anymore. I throw on my robes and head towards the cafeteria, where chaos erupts.

"But Master-" a young feminine voice calls and is interrupted by a much louder one.

"I am not your Master, girlie. There has to be some kind of mistake." Anakin's voice booms and echoes through the hall. Causing laughter from all the other current residents of the Temple.

"What is happening? " I whisper to Obi-Wan as I enter the room.

"Anakin has a Padawan. A much… stubborn one." He says, chuckling.

A young girl stands across from my friend with arms crossed and a scowl. Anakin wears a similar stance and expression. I calmly get closer to them.

"Ani. Won't you introduce me to your friend?"

He draws an annoyed breath, trying to maintain his composure.

"My name is Ashoka."

"Nice to meet you, Ashoka. Were you shown your room yet, and your new clothes?"

"No, because skyguy over here …"

"Don't call me that." Anakin snaps, and I try to stifle a laugh. "Not you, too."

"She's funny."

"She's overly sarcastic, mean, arrogant and… why are you smiling like that?"

"Oh, how the tables turn."

"What do you - No."

"Oh yes." I say and smirk at him, waiting for his response. It never comes, at least not directly.

"Come on, Snips. Let's have a tour of the Temple." He says with an exaggerated sigh. And I beam at the nickname Snips. He is already invested even if he shows clear dislike to her … for now. I wink at the young Padawan, and she smiles at me as they leave the room.

I find Obi-Wan slacking at the corner table, watching me with a knowing smile. I serve some French toast on a tray, and I join him. A comfortable silence enveloped us as we ate.

"May I ask you something?" He says after a while.

"Of course Master Kenobi."

"Drop the formalities, firecracker. Will you join me in the meditation ring? I am afraid my usual partner is rather occupied. "

"Of course."

And so we leave our trays in the washing compartment, and head towards the meditation ring. Our outer robes are removed as we sit across each other, and we cross our legs, placing our hands above our knees facing upwards and straightening our backs. Our eyes flutter close as we let ourselves delve into the Force; we let our spirits travel miles and miles away. Soon, I feel something resisting my mind's borders, trying to slip inside, and I gently push it back. This goes back and forth for a while, and Obi-Wan is a great opponent in this as it turns out. We are both out of breath and sweat collects above my brows.

"The Force is strong with you. You have great power in you, and you use it wisely. Your constraint and maturity proceeds your age. "

"Thank you, Master."

"Yet you wear your emotions, much like Anakin. Especially with Anakin."

"Well, of course, he is my friend."

"That is not what I mean, and you know it. I have raised you both. I know what I see. Your feelings for each other are obvious, at least to me. The council forbids any kind of attachment." He says calmly. "I think they are wrong. Attachment is what makes us stronger; it is what gives us hope."

"You mean -"

"I do not think anything, kiddo. You are too smart for your own good. I have faith that you will figure it out. And dismiss any thoughts of leaving the Order; he is not complete without you."

I stayed still in my place, baffled at his words, as he kindly smiled at me and leaned down to kiss my forehead.

My thoughts are tangled knots for the rest of the day. Every loose string I find makes the mess even more complicated. Every task I try to do is left unfinished, I give up on the thought of a productive day, leaving reports unread on my desk and I head towards the training room.

I hijacked the sound system of the room and I put my one and most prized possession into the old pick up I once found on a black market. Loud music fills the room and I head towards the center of the arena. I position myself in a fighting stance and I let my body get lost in the music as I repeat fighting routines. Hours could have past or mere minutes before a small body appears next to me trying to copy me. I flinch as she gets close to a striking distance.

"You are awesome. Why can't you be my Master and not Sir Grumpypants?"

"I wouldn't know Ashoka."

"Master speaks very highly of you."

"Ashoka what the hell are you doing?" Anakin yells as he lets the doors slam behind him. I roll my eyes at his dramatic entrance and his antics. "Go back to your room."

"But you said-"

"Now. I won't say this twice." And so Ashoka leaves with a long, suffering sigh. After she is out of the doors I turn towards my friend.

"You didn't have to be so stern with her."

"Don't criticize me." He buries his hand in his hair, tugging at the roots as he whispers. "What am I supposed to do? She is just a child and I have to turn her into a warrior? The war is raging and-"

"Breathe. Just breathe." I say as I encircle him with my arms, hugging him tightly trying to calm his panicked breathing.

"I can't do it. I won't." He mutters over and over as tears slip down his face.

"You can and you will. You have to."

"I know." His lips move against the skin of my neck, forming the words but never saying them out loud. "You will help right? I am so lost."

"Yeah, this is what friends are for."

"Yeah, friends." He repeats sadly.

Friends. The sound of it is bitter and it sits badly at our tongues, since we are both too afraid to face the truth.

words: 1.277

[dakotalun]

Want Part 2 | Eddie Munson

pairing: Eddie Munson X Fem Reader

summary: PART 2-- Eddie hangs out with someone and you confront him about it. Eddie shows up again with a surprise.

warnings: oral (f. receiving), praise kink, pet names (good boy, baby, ma'am, babe), sub!eddie, fingering, swearing

word count: 2.9k

a/n: been a whole month...whoopsies. But I am coming back with a nice and long fic for y'all. I also have a few things in the works that will be multi parted. I hope y'all enjoy and have an amazing day!! :)

*******NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNERS*******

Eddie's been gone for what feels like hours, I’m completely broken and hurt while he's probably off with Chrissy again. Out of all the things I could've done today, I chose to ruin my relationship. I slowly raise to my feet but upon seeing the plate that Eddie had haphazardly thrown to the counter I start to feel sick. I rush to the bathroom and throw up.

Hours pass by. I'm sitting on the cold bathroom floor, refusing to move. I've thrown up twice since Eddie left me, once when I realized what he had been doing for most of the day and again after throwing up everything that was in my stomach. He still hasn't called or texted me. I really fucked this up. And I have no clue how I'm going to fix it.

My stomach tightens again as I feel another wave of vomit come up. And that's how I spend the night, laying on the bathroom floor occasionally barfing as I cry over Eddie. I can't believe I've made such a big mistake.

I wake up the next morning feeling drained and exhausted. The events from last night are still fresh in my mind and I can't seem to get myself out of bed. I turn over, a sliver of hope that Eddie came home last night. But all I find is the empty, cold space where he should be. I grab my phone from the nightstand and check for any messages, nothing. A sigh leaves my mouth as I come to the full conclusion that I should maybe leave for a while, this was Eddie's trailer first after all.

I peel myself out of the sheets and trudge to the bathroom. Getting back I search the messy closet we share for my duffel bag, finding it under a mess of dirty clothes and an old amp Eddie keeps saying he'll throw out. I pick out some comfortable jeans and a few t-shirts, stuffing them into the bag and slipping my feet into a pair of sneakers.

After grabbing my phone charger and headphones I grab the keys from the counter and walk outside. A cold gust of wind blows in my face as the seasons change from summer to fall. I plug my headphones in but just as I'm about to put them on I hear a loud boom of music coming from the street entrance of the trailer park.

I look up to see none other than Eddie driving his van, music blasting and flowing through the open windows. He's driving with little regard for anything around him, nearly hitting the neighbor's fence before parking. He shuts the van off and hops out, stumbling slightly. Yeah he's clearly drunk, or at least he was at some point since I last saw him. His face is red and slightly swollen, stains line his face from tears.

He finally looks up to see me standing on the porch of the trailer, staring at him a broken look in my eye still. He slowly and hesitently steps towards me.

"Hey," Eddie reaches up and rubs the back of his neck, a nervous tic.

"Hi."

The two of us stand there for a few seconds just looking at each other taking in the events of last night. I'm the first to talk.

"I'm gonna stay with Rob for a few days, just so we can kinda, you know," I don't finish the sentence, too scared to make this a reality.

"Don’t. Please," His eyes are softer now, no anger or resentment behind them. Just pure love and adoration, "I need you here. Please stay."

"Eddie," I look down at my feet, now finding the slowly rotting floor boards more interesting, "Look, I wish I could stay with you. I really do, but after last night. After what you said, what I said. I just don't think it's a good idea."

I don't notice how his face drops, a small frown taking place on his lips. He takes a few more steps closer to me, now at the bottom of the porch.

"Please. I don't want to lose you too. Not after all this time. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me." His words break my heart all over again, "You coming into my life was the besy thing to ever happen to me. I wouldn't have ever had the courage to really try and finish high school without you." 

He speaks he walks up the steps, getting closer to me, enough to finally smell the alcohol on him, "If I could go back in time and not hang out with Chrissy I would, in an instant. But I can't," He's finally reached me. He brings his hands out to hold mine, I look at him. Really look at him for the first time since yesterday. I can see how much he means this, and how much he wants me to say I'll stay.

"I don't know if I can trust you anymore Eddie. You lied to me about where you were, and what you were doing. You're still selling even after I told you not to," I scan his face, trying to find something, anything, "And then there's Chrissy-"

"There's nothing going on between me and her, I promise! I really was just catching up with an old friend."

"Then why did you leave?" There it was. The question at the top of my mind ever since he walked out that door, why. If she was just an "old friend" then he shouldn't have felt the need to leave me. To let me cry until I was physically ill.

I pull my hands away from his, missing the warmth of them. I start to head towards my car, needing to be out of here, out of his space, away.

"Wait, please," He turns with me, following, "Babe, I love you with everything I have, and ever will have. You are the only person on this planet for me. You're the only person I can open up to. The only one I can be myself around, I need you."

He's saying all the right things except for one, the one I really need to hear from him. I stop and harshly turn to him, "I know Eddie! I know you love me and need me and all that bullshit but that's not what I asked you! I asked if you want me? If I will be enough for you, if I'm just another girl for you to fuck and pretend to love before you throw me off to the side like trash? So, do. you. want. me?"

My hands are shaking, both from the cold and my anger. I wait for him to answer, wishing he would just say yes so we can go back to normal or no so I can move on and get away from him.

"I- OF COURSE! I want you more than anything!" He runs up to me, placing his hands on my cheeks, shielding them from the cold. "Could you come with me?"

"What?" I’m confused by the sudden change in questions. Where could he possibly want me to go right now?

"Just come with me? I need to- I want to show you something, please," He's begging. Eddie Munson has never begged for anything in his life and yet here he is, practically on his hands and knees for me.

"Fine," I sigh.

His eyes light up, hands falling from my face to interlock with mine. He pulls me to his van, opening the door like he always does. Forever a gentleman. He all but sprints to the driver's side before quickly starting the old van and driving out of the lot he just came into.

We drive to the other side of town, where all the rich kids live. We trun the corner and Eddie looks over to me.

"Close your eyes."

"Huh?"

"Close your eyes. It's a surprise," A grin has spread across his face, crinkling the sides of his eyes.

I groan lightly before shutting my eyes, wondering what the hell Eddie is up to now. Not long after, we are parking and Eddie's grabbing my hand to lead me wherever we are at.

I giggle a little as he all but pushes me through a doorway, "Eds what are you doing? Where the fuck are we?"

"You'll see, just keep those pretty little eyes closed alright?" He walks me a few more steps before postioning me in place, "Alright, open."

I open my eyes and am momentarily blinded my the bright florescent overheads before noticing we are standing in front of a door.

"Eddie. What the hell is this?" I turn to look at him, his signature shit eating grin plastered on. He holds up his keys, searches for the right one then opens the door in front of us. He leads me inside, looking at my every facial movement.

"This," He gestures to the large empty living room, "is our new apartment. That is if you're not still mad at me?" His face is soft and sweet, waiting for my answer.

"Eddie this is- how did you? I don't understand," I shake my head slightly trying to understand what's going on here, "What do you mean this is our apartment?"

Eddie stands in front of me blocking my view. He reaches for my hands and holds them in his, taking away some of the anxiety I have right now.

"I've been working extra hours at the auto shop down on Main, and selling a little bit too," My face drops, "I know you told me to stop! But I saw this place a while ago, when Wayne was house hunting. And I just knew it was perfect for us."

He squeezes my hands, pulling me to the large windows on the other side of the room, it overlooks Main Street and all the little shops he knows I love, "Every dollar I’ve earned this past year has gone into a down payment on this place. It took a lot of haggling with Ted on my wages but I finally had enough. Then we had our fight last night," He looks down, ashamed at himself for what happened, "When you asked if I wanted you I don't know what happened but I just knew that now was the time to finally pay for it. So I raced down here and payed the guy, because I want nothing more than to have you in my life forever."

As he's talking, I realize I'm crying, I can't help it, I feel so much joy and pain all at once. Eddie's hands grip tighter, keeping me from falling to the floor, "If you don't want this just tell me, give me the word and I won't bother you again," He places his finger below my chin to make me look at him, his eyes are rimmed with tears just like mine are, "But before you do just let me tell you what I did last night was stupid and I promise I will never do that again. I love you with everything I have and I always will. But if I hurt you too much just tell me and I'll back off."

I can't think straight when he looks at me like that, his big brown doe eyes staring at me with all the love a person could ever hold. I look around the apartment one last time, out the big window to our right, and finally back at Eddie.

"Alright."

"What? Alright? Like you'll live here with me?!" His smile has returned, eyes finally letting the tears fall.

"Yes, Eddie. I'll move in here with you," He picks me up off my feet in a giant bear hug, spinning us in place as he yells in excitement, "On one condition."

He puts me down, hands still around my waist, not letting me move any further away, "Anything. Just name it."

"No more selling. You focus on school and I'll focus on the bills."

"Baby I can't-"

"This won't be for forever Eds. Just until you graduate then we can both pay the bills, just please promise me that?"

"Yes ma'am." He smiles and pulls me into a searing kiss. One that feels like we haven't kissed in years, and won't ever get the chance again. The kiss makes me weak in the knees and I can feel the wetness growing in my pants.

Eddie groans into the kiss before pulling away, "I gotta stop kissing you or else we'll be ruining this place before we even move in."

"And what's so bad about that? It seems like it needs a good cristining don't you?"

"Babe," Eddie's eyes grow wide and look to the side of us, where the floor length windows stand, uncovered, "We can't. What if people see us?"

I walk over to the window and look out onto the street. It's a quiet day, only a few people walking around. "So what? They'd all get to know that you're mine and I'm yours. Forever."

I can feel Eddie's chest on my back as he presses against me, his boner growing slowly, "My naughty girl," His hands go to my hips but before they can travel anywhere I turn around and pin them to his sides.

"That's ma'am to you. Got it?" I don't know where this confidence came from but I’m enjoying it. And so is Eddie, he nods his head vigirously, "Sorry I can't hear you."

"Yes ma'am."

"That's my god boy," Eddie's eyes close at the nickname, his body shivering, "You like that don't you? You like being called my good boy?"

"Mhmm. Yes ma'am."

I stand on my tiptoes to reach Eddie's ear and whisper, "Then get on your knees and show me just how good of a boy you are."

Before I can even blink Eddie is on his knees in front of me, unbuckling my jeans and pulling them down to my ankles. The sight of the wet patch on my panties has me in pieces, slowly losing all composure.

He looks up to me as he hooks his fingers into the waistline of my underwear, "May I?" I nod and he pulls them down, the slick from me making them stick to my folds. He groans and starts kissing up my thighs, towards the place I need him most. His kisses are featherlight, slowly making me dizzy, I wish he would go faster.

"Eddie," I sigh as he finally plants a kiss to my clit, so soft it's almost missed. Once he gets a taste of me he dives right in, licking a stripe up my folds to collect the juices. He moans at the taste, licking me like a dog starved.

I unravel above him, my knees becoming weak and numb. The way he eats me out is heavenly and I’ve never wanted a thing to stop less than right now. Moans and sighs are falling past my lips with each lick and suck of Eddie's mouth. I begin to feel that wonderfully familiar knot tightening and begin tightening around Eddie's tongue. He feels it and moves his ministrations up to my clit and shoves two fingers into my entrance.

"Fuck!" I keel over on top of Eddie, one hand braced on his head and the other on his shoulder, "Just like that. I'm so close Ed." Eddie picks up speed and bends his fingers to reach that spongey spot inside with every thrust of his fingers.

"Come on baby. Cum for me, let me taste you. I missed the way you taste so much. Please come for me, please."

His words send me over the edge, white lights blinding me as the string finally snaps and I’m cumming all over Eddie's face and fingers. He doesn't stop his movements, he pulls me through my orgasm, spewing words of affection and love the entire time. Once he notices that I’m starting to slow down he releases his mouth from me and removes his fingers, eliciting a whine from my lips.

"Thank you, thank you so much," Eddie slowly stands, holding me as my leg strength still haven't come back.

"That's my good boy," I pull him in for a kiss, tasting myself on him. He pushes into me making his erection rub against my exposed thigh. His eyes squeeze shut at the feeling.

"Can I fuck you now?" His eyes are pleading and full of lust.

"Take me home first, Eddie," I look into his eyes and feel nothing but love for this man. The way he treats me with so must love and attention makes me want ot hold on nad never let go, no matter what happens to us.

"We are home sweetheart. This is home now."

"I know. I just love the sound of it," I pull Eddie in for another kiss, this one sweet and gentle. Nothing like the ones from before, only love and adderation fills this, as I try to show him how much I feel for him.

I’m so caught up in the kiss that I don't even notice Eddie dip down quickly and place his hands on my thighs, but before I can question he lifts me up. I instinctivly wrap my legs around his hips and circle his neck with my arms.

"Eddie!" I squeal from my upward position.

"What? I wanna take you to the bedroom, it's got a walk-in closet," He smirks at that last little detail before walking down the hall toward the rest of the apartment.

Eddie Taglist: @ali-r3n @dixontardis

[zaceouiswriting]

Fairy Prince - Hearts of Leviathans - Ch.29

Character: Sky x male reader, Riven x male reader, Brandon x male reader

Universe: Somewhere in Winx Club/Saga

Warnings: None

"The father of a friend of mine, a tall, stocky man with a long beard and curious eyes, always told us that if we saw someone in need, we should do everything we could to help. He is an army veteran, but after his discharge, he struggled with numerous problems, including regular panic attacks, and was unable to leave his home for years. But even in his darkest times, he found ways to be happy and fulfilled. He started painting, learned instruments, and even homeschooled my friend for the first few years. Although he has very bad days and can get quite aggressive, none of this is his fault. And it doesn't make him weak, don't you agree?"

"Yes," I whisper, just then realizing that my breathing was back to normal and that my fear and paranoia seemed to have disappeared. I don't know what calms me so effectively; maybe it's her gentle smile. It could be her hand still gently stroking my hair, or her soft voice. It could also be all of the above. When it's finally sunken in after a few minutes, I am shocked because no one since him has accomplished the same thing.

But I feel completely exhausted. Two panic attacks in a matter of hours—how could I not be at the limit of my physical capabilities? While she still smiles at me, I press myself harder against the wall behind me, brace myself with one of my hands, and stand up to my full height, instantly dwarfing her.

“You’re quite tall,” she muses in her honey-sweet voice, yet it doesn't sound fake.

"You should see that one friend of mine, Brandon; he's a giant. Next to him, I look like a child!" I tell her, chuckling, still a little out of breath.

When I look at her again, I find a satisfied sparkle in her eyes, as if to say that her work is done. A comfortable silence spreads between us as she looks at me with concern but confidence.

“Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be in class?” I break the silence, wanting to at least pretend that I’m interested in having a conversation.

But she smiles teasingly. "You mean the same class you should be in now?" she counters rather smugly. I couldn't help but smile at her speed and chuckle again at her comeback. But she quickly calms down again, and her lips fall into a soft smile. "Professor Palladium asked me to find you. But I didn't think you would be on the wrong side of the building."

I stop abruptly. Did I hear her correctly? The wrong side of the building? "What do you mean?" I finally ask her, gobsmacked.

She points to a door and smiles brightly. "None of these doors are numbered. You literally walked past the classroom doors; they're right next to the cafeteria."

I can only look at her, confused, not understanding what she could mean. So I look at the crumpled piece of paper in my hand and then at one of the doors she just pointed to. But I quickly realize my mistake. A moment later, blood rushes to my head. "I'm not really good with directions," I inform her sheepishly. "I get lost pretty easily."

Not even waiting a moment, she links our arms. "Well then, let me be your guide!"

There was nothing I could have done about it; it all happened too quickly. Additionally, she is also quite pushy because she starts talking straight away and doesn't even let me interrupt her. But it's nice not to have to waste energy on entertainment I don't have. Halfway back, however, she falls silent.

"Why are you so nice to me?" My question must have surprised her because she suddenly stopped. She hangs her head, and the cheerful mood has disappeared.

The silence lasts for a while until she turns slightly towards me. "You're just not what others describe you as. I've always been able to see a person's motives. Yours were never bad. All I could sense from you was sadness, disappointment, and pain."

Even though I don't believe her claim, she's still right. Since his death, I haven't felt truly happy for a single moment of my life. It's almost as if it was stolen from me. However, I accept her statement and say nothing else, hoping that the rest of our journey will be spent in silence.

We soon reach the cafeteria, where she shows me a hallway I must've simply missed as I've searched all the others. As I walk down this hallway, every room has either a door that I can at least partially see through or full-on windows in the wall.

Something is going on in all the rooms, from language learning to mathematics; in others, alchemy is practiced. But mostly magic is used. Even the woman responsible for me being thrown into a dungeon teaches in one. Just looking at her sends a shiver down my spine. Luckily, the girl next to me didn't notice anything.

Luckily, we come to a room where she finally knocks. When I hear the professor's voice, my tense shoulders relax a little, just enough for the girl to sense my movement and give me a reassuring smile. I can only thank her in my thoughts as she opens the door.

When I see Professor Palladium, he has a mischievous smile on his lips. "Ah, you found the wandering fairy," he comments, his voice dripping with playfulness. "Should I give you a compass that will always show you the way to your next lesson?"

Although I think he's just playfully joking about my tardiness, I smile shyly and nod. "That would be helpful, Professor."

His stern exterior turns into a small smile. He shakes his head and lowers it slightly. But even so, he reaches out his hand and slides a stone onto it with the other. As he concentrates on this, he suddenly speaks in a language I cannot decipher, surely ancient Elvish again. Unfortunately, I have never been good with languages; I'm content speaking the common tongue, Fairish, and a bit of modern Elvish.

But his voice is so soft and the words so melodic that it's hard not to listen. But to my amazement, he soon holds a compass in his hand, beautifully decorated with engravings, and the middle part, where the two needles are, even has a picture of a place. "Is this the blueprint of the building?"

Without answering my question, Professor Palladium turns away, but not without winking at me and putting his finger to his lips. Upon closer inspection, I can see every nook and cranny, and strangely enough, the entire inner building, not what is visible from the outside, as if this compass could form a picture by tracing the magic around it.

"Would you mind finding a place to sit?" The professor's stern voice rings in my ears again. A little embarrassed, I raise my head, apologize to him, and look around.

Discomfort is clearly visible on everyone's faces. Honestly? It hurts a lot. I always hoped that the day I would come here, they would treat me as an equal to everyone else, like all my ancestors. But instead, I only experience endless disrespect. Only now I don't feel any of the anger, just disappointment.

Not wanting to make anyone uncomfortable, I choose a seat at the back, but as I walk past the others, all I sense is the distrust of the fairies. Some will one day be guardian fairies, and others are just normal fairies, but no one looks at me with trust.

I slump down onto the seat, or at least I try to. Instead of sitting on the chair, I fall through the air and land on the floor with a loud thud. Immediately, giggles echo through the room, and with just one glance around me, I know who the culprit is. Her evil eyes are all I need to see. But it only becomes more obvious when she starts grinning at me, lifting her perfectly painted nails, and resting her head in the palm of her hand.

Muttering under my breath, I tell her this isn't kindergarten, but I don't honor her with another glance. Instead, I let my magic flow. I've never tried this magic before, but this is as good a time as any, right?

I imagine several stone pillars rising out of the ground just below my bottom so that I can sit on them with my legs stretched out. These are followed by more pillars growing up my sides and reaching the middle of my torso, and finally, tall pillars behind me that will straighten up my back. Not long after, these imaginary pillars appear, slowly rising from the ground.

In an instant, my stone throne is up. Sitting upon it, like the king I hope I will become someday, I cross my right leg over my left, put both arms on the armrests, but raise my right arm, clench my hand into a fist, and lean my head against it. With a broad smile, I glance sideways at Stella and wink at her, only to look back at Professor Palladium, whose face looks neutral, but I can still see a secret grin.

"Now that that's cleared up, I'd like for you to introduce yourself to the class, as there is a lot of misinformation circulating about you."

All eyes are on me; most of them are worried, except for Bloom and a girl who looks familiar but who I can't place.

“(Y/N), there’s nothing more to say,” I spat out like poison. "I will have nothing to do with most of you after the disgusting, disgraceful, and downright unacceptable way in which you treated me and assumed things like ignorant laundresses."

“Who do you think you are?” I hear Stella’s voice from my left front.

When I finally turn to face her, I grin maliciously. "Wouldn't you like to know?" I look her up and down, but suddenly I twist my face into a pitying one. "Are you in love already? How sad."

Stella immediately blushes, maybe from embarrassment or anger. I don't know. But I feel her magic getting out of control. I raise an eyebrow questioningly but get no answer. Instead, feather-light footsteps echo through the room, followed by a hand slamming on Stella's desk.

"(Y/N), I can understand your anger about the situation; how you were treated was beneath your dignity, but please don't make it worse."

"Worse?" I shout, standing up from my stone throne. "None of these spoiled little princesses can ever understand what I have been through—the suffering every man has to endure because they are blind to the world around them! And yet they make assumptions and punish someone without any good reason." My words are heavy, and many girls around me look stunned as if nobody has ever talked to them like this.

“Please, (Y/N), calm down.“

"No!" I bellow again. "Should I just sweep this all under the rug? I have never received an apology, not from the teachers or the students, for their assumptions. Until that day comes, I will not treat any of them like people, only like the scum that they are!"

After that, the whole room is silent. The professor sighs heavily but nods his head. I can only hope he truly understands me and isn't just pretending. At least he has never treated me like the others; he probably knows my true identity from the beginning. After all, it is impossible to lie to a high elf.

[Masterlist]

[baycitystygian]

this one’s for @scarlettapril ✨this is easily at least six or seven years old but it’s a quick blurb I did where my best friend at the time started a fic and I finished it; this is my end of it- it’s missing a tiny amount of context but it all makes sense by the end, I think it can stand on its own

I glanced over at Alan, who was starting to get affectionate with Julie. Watching him giving her gentle kisses, and her giggling at him in delight, I could feel a burning nausea creep up the back of my throat.

I looked down at my drink, contemplating how many I would need in order to wipe this one from my mind.

"Hey," came Nobby's voice softly in my ear. "Why don't we split? I think I know what'll cheer you up."

Unless you can get that whore away from Alan, then I don't think so, bud, I thought to myself.

"That would be terrific." I bit my tongue as he led me out of the bar. Secretly, I was glad we'd left Alan with the entire tab.

As we left, Alan watched us like a hawk.

"We ought to get out of here, too, if you know what I mean," Julie added, lightly tracing one of his dimples with the top of her finger.

"Maybe in a little bit."

"Oh, but I'm already tired."

He chuckled, looking into her eyes.

"Just a few more minutes, then. I'd like to finish off my drink."

"Alright."

Alan glanced at the door again, seeing that his friends were long gone.

"Are you alright?," she gently added. "You seem preoccupied."

"I'm fine. Just lost in thought, y'know." He chuckled.

"You always did seem like a rather deep kind of guy. I love that about you."

"Sometimes I think too much." He chuckled.

"What makes you say that?"

"No reason."

"Are you okay? You look as pale as a sheet," he began as we began to walk down the street.

"I dunno. It just feels a little weird, seeing Alan like that. I've known him all my life."

"Derek told me everything, you know."

I gulped.

"Everything?"

"I know how much you love him. And, to be perfectly honest, it's pretty shitty what he did tonight. He doesn't know about your feelings for him, but still. I couldn't bear to watch you squirm around in your seat any longer."

"Well...I do appreciate you getting me out of there. I really do."

He smiled.

"I just feel like a horrible date..." I continued. "Being more invested in the way someone else was acting-"

"It's okay. I knew about it all going into this."

"And you said yes anyway?"

"Well, Alan pushed me into it. That, and I felt sorry for you."

"What, I'm your pity date now?"

"Not entirely. I do like you, quite a bit. But I can sense when your heart isn't into it."

I rested my head on his shoulder, exhausted from the day I'd had.

"Yeah."

"Why don't I give you a ride home?"

"I hate to cut this off early..."

"Why, do you want to do something with me?"

"Maybe. God knows I need to take my mind off him."

"How about we go back to my place?"

"For what?"

He shrugged.

"Maybe a drink or two. Something other than thinking about him."

"I need more than just a drink or two."

He chuckled.

"Well, I'll get you started."

Back at Nobby's, we spent most of the night talking and drinking. He helped a lot, but the liquor helped more. The last thing I remember was drifting off to sleep on his couch, leaning my entire body onto him.

He smiled, looking down at me.

"Had enough, huh?"

He carefully stood up, and covered me with a blanket, giving me a kiss on the cheek before heading off to his room.

"Sleep well," he whispered.

The next morning, the boys had an early practice scheduled. Alan knocked on Nobby's door, and Nobby immediately answered it.

"Shhh," he began, slowly opening the door. Be very quiet. Emma's still asleep."

Alan's face went pale.

"She...she stayed the night?"

"Yeah. I think she had a little too much last night."

Alan scratched his head.

"Wow."

"How did it go with Julie last night?"

"It went great, man...really great, if you know what I mean." Alan winked at Nobby.

"Good for you. You seem really into her."

"I was really into her last night-" He raised his thick eyebrows.

"Stop."

"Okay." Alan grinned. "You ready to go?"

"I'll meet you there a little late. I wanna take Emma home first."

"That's right."

"I'll try not to be too late. I just hate to wake her, you know?"

Alan nodded.

"Yeah...I get it."

"See you in a little bit."

"Fucking hell," Alan muttered as he stormed into Billy's basement, where the other Rollers (minus Nobby) were already gathered.

"What's the matter?" Derek poked his head out from behind his drum set. "And where's Nobby?"

"Emma spent the night with him," Alan sneered. "So he's gonna take her home and meet us here. I never should've set them up."

"Then why did you set them up?"

"Aren't you seeing someone?," Billy added.

"He's only seeing her to get Emma off his mind. Which clearly isn't working," Derek added.

"Stuff it, both of you. Let's get started without him."

"Someone hasn't had his coffee this morning," Derek muttered.

"Hey, watch it, or I'll tell mom about that time you went studying with Kathy when her parents weren't home," Alan snapped.

"Ah, fuck off. If you like her so much, just tell her."

"It's a bit late now. I've screwed myself into the ground." Alan picked up his bass and began to tune it, tuning out everything else.

Later that night, Alan made another date with Julie. But as he was getting cozy with her, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off- and she noticed it, right away.

"Alan, honey, is everything alright?," she softly asked.

"Just peachy."

"Are you sure?"

"I dunno."

"It feels like your heart isn't in it today, be honest with me."

Alan sighed, loosening his grip around her waist.

"I dunno. Guess it's just my mind wandering again."

"Just like it did last night."

"Yeah."

"When you were thinking of Emma."

Alan fell silent.

"She doesn't love me."

"You're in love with her, aren't you?"

"I used to be."

"I don't buy all that 'used to' crap."

He sighed.

"Well, she doesn't feel the same about me. So I'm trying to get over her."

"It doesn't look like you're doing a very good job of that."

He shook his head, looking down at the ground.

"I love you, but...if your heart is somewhere else, it's not gonna work out." She stood up.

"I'm such an asshole." Alan buried his face in his hands, tears welling up in his eyes.

"You're not an asshole, just...I think you were trying to push yourself into something to make yourself feel better."

"I'm so sorry."

She put her hand on his shoulder.

"Go out and get her. It breaks my heart, but this is pathetic. Don't waste your time on someone you don't love."

"What if it's too late?"

"Then don't waste a second more."

"I really appreciate what you did last night," I began. "It really felt like he was rubbing salt in the wound. I think I would've died of embarrassment if I'd stayed any longer."

Nobby hugged me.

"It's nothing. Knowing what's really going on made it so much more uncomfortable than it already would've felt."

"It's not fair." I began to feel the sting of tears trying to escape my eyes. "I've loved him most of my life. I thought we'd be perfect together."

Nobby held me tighter.

"Maybe he's changed. Some people start out being sweet, but things happen to them. I know a lot of girls that I thought were lovely, but ended up being awful."

"I don't wanna think of him that way. He's too sweet to have turned into a jackass."

"I don't know what to tell you. But I'm always here if you need me."

"Thank you." I buried my face in his shoulder. He was so much warmer and comforting than I'd expected him to be.

"He'd be a fool not to love you," he softly added.

I lifted my head, and he reached out and gently wiped a tear from my face.

"If only he was as sweet as you." I mustered a tiny chuckle.

"I try." He smiled at me, leaning in closer until his lips were almost touching mine.

"Are we really gonna do this?," I sighed.

"If you're up for it." I could feel his warm breath on my face.

"Maybe."

He closed his eyes, his lips grabbing my own. As his sensual kisses calmed me down, I realized that I'd stopped worrying about Alan. Yes, I'd do anything for him- but Nobby loved me. He'd shown me nothing but compassion in regards to my broken heart, expecting nothing in return. I wrapped my arms around him, wanting to enjoy every taste of his love.

Suddenly, my door burst open, interrupting Nobby and I. Alan was standing in my doorway, a look of shock on his face.

"This is a bad time to tell you I love you, isn't it?," was all he could say.

Nobby stared him down, holding me closer.

"Yes. Yes it is," I snapped.

Alan swallowed his pride.

"Right. My bad." He turned to leave, and closed the door behind him.

"Fucking hell," Nobby sighed. "What'd he do that for?"

"I love him dearly, but he's probably the most awkward man I'll ever know."

Nobby shrugged.

"He does have the tendency to fuck up social situations."

"Like this one."

Nobby looked back at me.

"So....what now?"

I looked into his eyes.

"Hell if I know." I flopped down against the couch. "I don't even know what to do now."

"Do you love him? Or me?"

"If I knew that, I would be either chasing him down, or making out with you right now." I crossed my arms over my chest.

He sighed.

"I'm not going to push you into a decision. I know how much there is between you and him. But like I said- if you need me, I'm here."

A little while later, I made my way over to the hammock in Alan's front yard, where he was lazily drifting back and forth, staring into space.

"Hey," I began.

He looked up at me.

"Shouldn't you be out with Nobby right now?," he scoffed.

"I wanted to talk to you." I climbed in next to him.

"About what? How much of an asshole I am?"

"You're not an asshole."

"Fine, I'm a prick."

"I just don't understand...if you love me, why did you start seeing that other girl? Or force me into a date with Nobby?"

He sighed and looked up at me.

"I think I was trying to convince myself that I could get over you."

"Now, why would you wanna do that?" I leaned on my side, facing him.

"I didn't think you liked me. Not in that way, anyway."

"Are you fucking kidding me? I've had a crush on you for longer than I can remember."

"Well, gee, thanks for waiting this long to tell me."

"Nobby said you had a thing for me, too, you know."

"Remind me to sock him in the mouth tomorrow."

"He also said that Derek was the real snitch. So don't take it out on Nobby."

"I promise I won't take it out on your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Coulda fooled me."

"He could've been. But I chose you instead."

"Me?" He raised his eyebrows and chuckled. "Why me?"

I gazed into his green eyes, which were sparkling in the moonlight.

"I dunno. We've had so many good times together, and I wanna keep having them with you for the rest of my life."

"You're putting me on."

"It's true."

"You could have good times with Nobby."

"But I want to be having them with you."

He looked into my eyes, reaching out and softly running his fingers through my hair.

"Me, too."

He pulled me even closer to him, in for the kiss I'd been waiting most of my life for.

[noa-de-cajou]

Day 15 : Family visits / Effortlessly loving you

Abel belongs to @thal-ent (happy one year anniversary Thalou <33)

_____

“Judicaël, we’re back.”

I rise slowly from my bed at the sound of Abel’s voice.

It’s been three weeks since what we like to call Judi’s Second Biggest Mistake, or The Mistake for short. I picked the name myself.

I wish I could say everything just went back to normal but it really didn't. Everyone forced me to take a huge break from everything, the business trips, social media, public speaking, Valéry told me he'd hire a communication team (“it was long overdue, Judi”) and that he’d take care of the rest. We kind of made up, with Val. I was scared it was out of pity, but he reassured me. We talked for a long time. Basically, I've been a huge asshole to him, he was a dick to me, we’re even. I’m glad we’re still friends.

Since then, it's been ups and downs. Baihya, Bertie and Dodo have been watching over me like mother hens. Abel’s here too. He was only supposed to book the guest room for a week, but then he just started sleeping on a mattress next to my bed. Well, if you can call that sleeping. He spends his nights watching over me.

I scared the shit out of him. Out of everyone.

A lot of people come by to say hi and I have all the time in the world to talk to them now. Lan Yue, Michiru, Emerens, Altaïr… Even Hibiki came and she was crying. I never saw her cry before, like ever. Benedikt was there too, it felt like a whole ass fever dream.

But yeah, everyone has been really good to me. And I'm not really there yet but I think I'm getting better. It’s still hard to get up. It’s hard to face the guilt and the thoughts when I can’t work myself to the bone. But overall, it’s been alright.

They never leave me alone in the building alone, though. Feels kind of infantilizing, but I can’t blame them.

Dodo and Abel went to get groceries, which lasted about an hour.

It’s weird because I never heard of groceries barking before.

The next moment, the door of my room bursts open and something just latches onto me. Something with a lot of fur and a smell I’d recognize anywhere.

“... Marsha?”

Happy bark. Dear god. It is him.

I squeeze him tightly, but I have no idea what the fuck is happening. What is my service dog doing here? My mom’s supposed to be taking of him.

“Surprise,” Abel says softly.

He's standing in the doorway with Dodo, who’s looking very pleased with herself. Those bastards. Those sweet, adorable bastards.

“How did you guys…”

“Well, the three of us thought Marsha’s presence was much needed.”

Three?

Wait.

My eyes widen.

“Shut up. You didn't.”

“Yes we did.”

“You didn’t.”

“Yes they did,” someone else chimes in.

She walks in, her hair in a bun, greyer than the last time I saw her, she looks exhausted too, her eyebags are huge behind her glasses, but she smiles at me.

“Hi, honey.”

My mom. Those crazy bitches brought my mom here. She walks up to me and takes me in her arms as tears stream down my face.

“I’m sorry I couldn't come in earlier. You know, with work, and the tickets…”

“It's fine,” I say, and voice cracks. “I’m glad you’re here, I really am.”

Dad would have never showed up like this. Not like I really want him to.

I look at Abel and Dodo past my mom's shoulder.

“You fuckers. I love you so much.”

“We love you too,” Dodo sneers.

My mom pulls away from me after a few minutes, puts her hands on her hips.

“We’ll talk more later, honey. Theodosia, where’s the kitchen?”

“Uh, I can show you if you’d like, but Blanche, you should really rest-”

“No, I feel just fine, I slept for the whole flight! I need to get my hands on something. And to cook up something nice for my son and his friends!”

And she saunters away, followed by Dodo mumbling well, now at least we know where Judi gets that energy from.

Abel remains standing in the doorway. I look at him, he looks at me. We don’t say anything. We don't need to. He closes the door and walks up to me.

He attempts to sit on the bed.

Attempts, because Marsha just straight up latches onto him, getting a little surprised “ah” out of him as he tumbles over. I try to stop Marsha, forgetting that I literally cannot walk, fall on top of the both of them, and boom, here we are on the floor. Poor Abel is stuck beneath both me and my dog enthusiastically licking his face. What a life.

“... Ow. You okay?”

“Yeah,” he replies. “You?”

God, he looks so tired. He’s probably feeling worse than he lets on. Marsha doesn't just jump on people for no reason.

“I’m okay. I’m… feeling great, actually. And uh. Sorry for the contact. I can't get up.”

“I know. I don’t mind if it's you.”

I’m gonna cry again if he keeps this shit up. He’s not even being sweet, he’s just being sincere. Which is sweet.

“... Thanks. For this. My mom. I needed that.”

“I know.”

“Yeah. You always know, don’t you?”

“No. Not always.”

I can easily guess what he means.

He was taken by surprise last month. But he couldn’t have known. I hid from everyone just how bad things got. Even from myself.

“I’m sorry, Abel. I really am.”

“And I already told you I’m not mad at you.”

“You could be, you know. I wouldn’t blame you.”

“Judicaël.”

He slowly pats my head.

“I'm just glad you made it.”

“Yeah… Me too, you know.”

A silence. I break it once more, raising my face a little.

“I’m glad to have you. I'm glad you’re here.”

I know I'm not easy to love, but he makes me feel like I am.

We went through horrendous times, I did him dirty more than once, but he’s still here. I guess I must be worth it.

He doesn't reply at first. Just wraps an arm around me. The one that's not being squished by my dog.

“I’m glad you’re still here too,” he says, his voice so low I'm scared it’s just going to disappear.

We stay like this. In silence. I don’t say it, because I don’t want to overwhelm him, but I just know.

If I needed a single reason to stay, he’d be the first.

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

I'm sweaty and exhausted by the time I sit down on the plane. I'm traveling by myself because my best friend had to cancel on me at the last minute. But, my little cousin is waiting for me in Cali. I say little, but she's 24. She just moved out there and she invited me to come visit. I've never been there and I'm a bit nervous. I'm daydreaming as I feel someone sit down next to me, taking the aisle seat. The man sitting next to me clears his throat and his voice sounds pleasant. I get a little shiver, but don't think much of it, as the opposite sex is the last thing on my mind at the moment.

I take my phone out and put it on airplane mode. Then I toss it back in my purse. I start shuffling through my carryone bag. I pull out some headphones and my book. I'm not sure what I feel like doing first for this flight from St. Louis to LAX. It's not the longest flight I've ever taken but it's long enough. I open my book and I read a few paragraphs.

"Ouch, geez..." I hear the man next to me say to himself softly.

I look up and I can tell someone with a large duffel bag crashed into his arm and didn't even say anything. The man shakes his head and closes his eyes. Rests his head on the back of the chair. Headphones are playing something I can hear faintly, but can't tell what it is. I dare to take a look at him. Curly long hair, beard, muscular arms, big hands. I notice for the first time that I can smell his cologne. I could smell it earlier and thought it was good, but didn't realize it was him. I feel a bit heated and then I let the feeling go and return to my book. When the second rude person of the day walks by, the man leans towards me and our shoulders bump.

"Christ, I'm sorry" he says. He looks irritated. The person in the aisle is just standing there. Their bag is swinging by the man's head and the person is oblivious. The man is leaning towards me to stay out of the line of fire.

"Hey, do you want me to move over so you can take this seat?" I say to him. Our eyes meet and I'm immediately drawn into his. They are dark like nothing I've ever seen before. When he responds, I take too long to answer. My face must show what I'm thinking cause he chuckles. It breaks me out of my haze.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I ask, shaking my head.

He smiles, exposing perfect white teeth. Dimples poking out from his facial hair. Fuck me.

"What if that person shows up?" He says as he points to the empty window seat next to me.

"Oh! No, they won't. That was supposed to be my friend's seat but they couldn't make it."

I don't wait for him to respond. I just gather my stuff and hop into the seat. He follows suit.

"Ha! Much better" he chuckles

"Good" I say laughing in response

"Thanks!"

"Oh, no problem!" I respond with a smile.

"I'm Evan" he sticks out his hand. I shake it.

"Andi" I say, a spark of a realization I can't quite place.

I go back to reading my book. Well, pretending to at least. I sigh, trying to get my heart to stop racing.

"Whatcha reading?"

My head pops up. He's looking right at me with those eyes. "Uh, a book about a serial killer. I guess it's a series about the female detective. It's pretty good."

"That's fitting" he murmurs.

"Hmm?"

"Oh, nothing" the look on his face is a bit bemused. "So what's your story? Are you from LA?"

"Oh, no. Michigan actually.

"Oh, is your friend from St. Louis?"

"No, Indiana" we both laugh. "Well, she's from Michigan, lives in Indiana. I'm visiting my cousin who just got a job out in LA. My friend was going to go with me, but her husband got sick and she didn't want to just leave him with the kids. It was cheaper to fly out from St. Louis for some reason." I shrug.

"Ah, ok. That also answers my next question"

"Which is?" I answer sorta flirtatiously.

"If your friend was a boyfriend" he smirks.

"Nope. In between those right now" I laugh nervously.

He just nods approvingly. My face flushes. We stare into each other's eyes for a minute. He speaks again.

"You have really pretty eyes. I've never seen a blue/green color like that before."

Without thinking I respond "Ive never seen such dark, intense eyes before either....oh shit I'm sorry!" My hand goes to my forehead as I shake my head in embarrassment.

He laughs "No worries." He says it softly.

For the next two hours our conversation is non stop. The compliments are flying between us. Sparks seem to be too. We are flirty. He says sweet things. I touch his arm any chance I get. We laugh. We get close and it's not awkward. It almost feels comfortable. Only when the flight attendant shows up with the cart are we interrupted.

"What would you like?" He asks me.

"A diet pepsi sounds great" I reply

He very politely tells the flight attendant what I requested first. He gets a coke.

"Thanks" I say softly. He seems very kind. Soft-spoken. I feel a deep pang in my belly. Desire? Well, listen girlie. Get your panties in order. This is an airplane, not a hotel room. I sigh again.

He nods. A small smirk finding it's way to his full lips. They look soft. My eyes flit to them, then back up to his eyes. His stare not wavering from my face. I clear my throat.

"Excuse me for a minute" I say as I get up. I climb past his legs facing him. He extends one big, veiny hand to me to make sure I don't stumble. Just then, as if we were in some half-corny romcom, turbulence hits our plane. I do stumble. He catches me as best he can. I put my arms out to stop myself. And I end up with my face incredibly close to him. I get a hint of his scent again. That pang in my belly threatening me again.

"I'm so sorry" I say, righting myself.

"No worries at all." He's a bit breathless. My mind brushes it off. It's for my own sanity, really.

I make my way to the bathroom, find one that is vacant and go inside. Damn, these bathrooms seem to get smaller every time I fly, I think to myself as I lock the door. I do what I have to and wash my hands. I look at my face in the mirror. I think how plain Jane I am and wonder what the handsome guy sitting next to me is finding to flirt with. Maybe he's just being nice. I'll never see him again, I think. It's a nice way to spend my flight though. I sigh audibly and throw the paper towel in the trash.

I turn the lock and open the door and stop short. Evan is standing there. His hands are in his pockets. He looks a bit nervous. He looks over both shoulders, then looks at me and shrugs. I immediately grab one of his hands and gently pull him inside before he can be spotted. When inside he turns the lock to occupied. We are so close in this tiny space that his breath is moving my hair. Neither of us speak. He places his hands on my face. He leans in and I follow suit. He brushes his nose against mine and then softly plants a kiss on my lips. It's quick. He opens his eyes to look into mine for permission. I nod my head slightly, giving it. This time he leans in slowly. Our eyes still locked until we get so close. He pulls away and smiles. Then our lips meet. This time our mouths are slightly open. Enough to allow our tongues to caress each others. He deepens the kiss and my hands find the back of his head. I twirl my fingers into his curls lightly. My mouth leaves his to find his chin. I kiss his scratchy beard and make my way to his neck. I kiss up to his ear and I whisper "Evan, you smell good" he sighs.

"Andi, my mind is racing. I really don't know what's gotten into me. But, you can trust me. I have protection." He pulls out his wallet from his back pocket. Long fingers open the flaps and he retrieves a condom. I catch the words "ribbed" on it before it disappears from my sight. He seems like someone that would care about his partner's pleasure. But, of course I know nothing about him.

I start to unbutton his pants. I let them drop. He's standing there in his boxers. His pants at his ankles. How we are going to make this work in this tiny space doesn't even cross my mind because I'm distracted by his erection poking out through the slit in his underwear. I take it in my hands and start pumping softly. His eyes close. "Mmm, god yes"

I kiss his chest. He towers over me. His eyes flutter open. He stops my hand. When he speaks his voice is lusty, but also very sincere.

"Hun, I want you to know that you can stop me any time, ok. Don't hesitate. You say stop and we stop. There's no way you need to feel unsafe, do you understand?"

I nod my head quickly. "That goes both ways" I say to him, confidently. He nods. With that, he pulls his boxers down and starts putting on the condom. I push my leggings and panties down and release one foot. I look around looking for some leverage. The sink doesn't even have a ledge. I look at him as he puts his arms out.

"Jump up, sweetie" he says

I jump up and he turns me to the door. He gently places me against it. He looks me in the eyes giving me a look that says tell me the truth "Are you ready for me sweetie?"

"Yes." It's all I can muster

"I'm gonna go slow. Tell me if you need something from me, ok?" He starts pushing himself into me so slow. My head falls back against the door and I moan. It's more like a happy hum. He feels so good. He must feel it too, cause when he speaks next it's a breathy whisper. "All good honey?"

"Yes!" It's louder than intended.

"Good, but not too loud, sweetheart" he says it kindly.

He starts thrusting. My legs wrapped around his hips. The thrusts are gentle at first. But, when I'm not acting like I'm uncomfortable, they get more intense. "Go as hard as you need to, Evan. You won't hurt me." He moans and he starts thrusting hard. I return it with my own moan. The sounds we make against the door sound so loud. "Well, shit..." He curses. "Hold onto me tight baby" he pulls me away from the door and I wrap my arms around his neck. "Come closer" he adjusts me. He slides in deeper and my head snaps back "shhhh" in my ear. He starts moving my ass up and down with his strong arms. Standing in the middle of a tiny bathroom. His pants around his ankles. He's bending his knees and bouncing me up and down on his rock hard dick. I start trying to bounce to help him and soon we find the most delicious rhythm.

Our foreheads smash together. Our eyes screwed shut. We are both close, but we don't say anything. It's feels so fucking good, we just want it to happen. Suddenly his mouth finds my neck and a string of moans come out. Muffled into the crook. I feel his legs shake. He's coming down from his orgasm as mine hits. He carries me through, still bouncing me. He kisses me so my screams aren't heard. We are so sweaty in this confined space. Breathing hard. He releases me to the floor. He pulls me close to hold me for a minute.

"You ok, babygirl?"

"Yes, are you?"

"More than you know"

He throws the condom away. Our clean up is easy. He pulls his pants up and then helps me with mine. He straightens my hair into its place. Kisses the top of my head.

"I'll go out first" he whispers.

I wait a minute and then make my exit. I don't make eye contact with anybody. I sneak past him and sit down. He immediately takes my hand and laces our fingers. He give each other a quick kiss.

We sit there in bliss for a minute until we see someone approach us. It's a middle aged lady and she looks excited.

"Are you Evan Peters? My son loves you as Quicksilver. Can I get your autograph?"

Evan looks over at me and shrugs. He chuckles at the sight of my jaw hanging open.

“Well, listen girlie. Get your panties in order. This is an airplane, not a hotel room” epic

[kieraelieson]

So I’ve been talking to my husband and boyfriend recently about how much energy I have in terms of a percentage. And then I realized it might be helpful to express it with context- so I made this chart.

Energy Scale:

(This is entirely disregarding tricks such as inducing anxiety, adrenaline, or dissociation. This also disregards motivation and pain, which may affect capabilities)

5% - Put me to bed, I'm so tired. I'm swaying obviously if I stand and my limbs feel heavy.

10% I should be sitting at least. Probably swaying or trembly while standing. Mental work is possible, but only very slowly.

15% I can stand up and walk around decently. I can make myself simple food or do light cleaning that does not involve bending down or lifting anything heavy. I tend to be here a lot. Mental work is possible, and I often will do it.

20% I can do a task! Hooray! It needs to be a relatively gentle task. I tend to overdo it here and get all shaky cause I choose a task that it too intense or too lenthy.

25% I can do a task and Not collapse right after. Cooking or cleaning for half an hour is doable, though I might be panting by the end.

30% I can do something that makes me pant a little and recover from it without flopping. Could go for a walk without ulterior motivation to do so.

35% This is usually where I start planning elaborate tasks. "I'll clean the whole downstairs!" I cannot complete this. But I will make a good headway.

40% I can do things that involve a bit of exercise without feeling terrible. A treadmill walk, a cleaning that involves a lot of up and down, even that requires going up and down the stairs.

45% I might want to do some things to expend energy at this point. Wanting to go outside, to do a social and physical activity like roller skating, or to walk around a historic site or museum.

50% Oh heck, I'm doing so well! I have energy to exist with and energy to spare! I can put Two physical tasks on my list. Maybe a walk to the dog park And deep cleaning the bathrooms. And I won't have to flop for hours afterwards!

55% If I only have mental tasks to do I'll get antsy and do some physical movement spontaneously. I can do an activity that causes panting and sweating for up to half an hour without strong external motivation.

60% A task that takes multiple hours and expends low to medium variable effort won't exhaust me. I am genuinely capable of cleaning the downstairs Without it being the Only thing I do that day.

65% I might seek out physical movement and tasks that tire me out enjoyably. Trampolining, jogging, dancing, all possible intermittently for up to an hour. I'll need breaks, but I won't flop afterwards.

70% I barely know what to do with myself I'm so capable. I may pick medium-low intensity tasks, like cooking, that last 5+ hours, and pair them with a medium or high intensity physical task for a shorter period of time.

75% I don't have problems completing even a quite long task list. I can go shopping, and come home and put away groceries, then clean the kitchen while making dinner. And I'll be fine after dinner with enough left over to clean up the meal.

80% I genuinely need at least one of my tasks this day to be physically tiring. Think when I get all giggly and pace around stomping and wiggling. That is a temporary 80%.

85% Something difficult like rennovations or yard work is a welcome and very doable task, even for 4+ hours, provided I have enough water and a few lil breaks.

90% I can sprint and enjoy it. I may not be capable of sprinting far, but the wind in my face and the movement in my body is Thrilling! I may even do multiple bursts of it.

95% I can take on the world. Throw any task at me. Better yet, throw a Hard task at me. See how much of the house I can clean in an hour, see if I can do a hundred yard dash, put me on a heckin sports field and I might like it.

100% What does this even look like? Playing a physical sport for a few hours and then after a break wanting to go out and do it again? Racing a dog, skipping through a forest, thriving in the sunshine and light of the gorgeous world?

[crush-zombie]

Where I am in life? Things that have happened. The continuing circus of the wild west of my existence. It's a long post ;

I lived in Ontario for three years, from 2018 to 2022, in a couple of places.

The friend I was supposed to move in with, to ease my spiralling depression, backed out at the last moment with threats. The "you're lucky I'm not around or I'd beat your ass" kind of threats, because I refused to give up and let despair engulf me.

I ended up in the basement of a friend of my mother's for a year. For apartment-finding (and legal) reasons I had my sister (and her partner) come as well, and after a year of searching and filling out applications the three of us got kicked out. We stayed in the woods by a highway for a week before getting sent to a homeless shelter.

2 months there was bad. The details probably aren't necessary, but it was dehumanizing.

After that we ended up in one of Canada's "hot spots" for Covid when the pandemic broke out. It took about a month there before my sister's partner started (continuing to) abuse me. My sister didn't care. My illness(es) had been intensifying all throughout those years, but they really hit a fever pitch at this time. I spent a lot of time gasping on the floor.

Along with my illness(es), during all this time I was struggling with suicidal feelings and urges. That's why I moved to Ontario to begin with-- I hoped things would be better there somehow, like a complete idiot ;

After threats from my sister and her partner a friend back in Newfoundland offered me an out. I returned, tail between my legs and my dog, who I dragged through all this chaos, was getting so old he can barely walk. My energy was so, so low and I put just about all of it into caring for him.

About 6 months into living with my friend she unloaded all her issues with me (that I studied like a motherfucker, because I am and always am convinced that I'm the problem in everything)-- that I eat too much, I don't clean the house enough, I'm "disrespectful" (conversely another friend often tells me I'm "too polite"), I "over parent" her daughter (this still confuses me), that she didn't believe I was disabled, that covering for my old, sickly dog was disgusting. I spiralled very hard, and got brought out to the dining room table to be told all the things I should be doing and what I was doing wrong. Immediately afterwards I started planning my suicide. My dearest (internet) friend kept me from death, but in its place I started developing an eating disorder, eating nothing but one meal a day (which sometimes didn't happen) and being nearly bedbound with hunger and exhaustion every day. I started cleaning the house, sweeping, tidying, doing the dishes and folding laundry for the two other adults and one child in the house. No-one complained. I'm convinced everyone in the world would be flattered to have someone bend to their neuroses.

When I forced myself to stop believing I was disabled I lost the language to describe my experiences. I ended up with a counselor in a matter of a week because of my mental state, and he had the unfortunate and arduous job of piecing my shattered mind back together. It's still missing bits... rough in a lot of places.

April of last year, I had to put my dog down. I was spending all my time taking care of him because he couldn't even stand anymore, and the vet really laid it down for me: this was it. So... Even just writing about it puts a lump in my throat and hot tears in my eyes. Grief is hellish agony, maybe the worst I've ever experienced. "I wouldn't be surprised," my counselor said, "you loved that dog more than most people love their own children."

In June I moved again. Currently I'm renting a room with a bunch of dirty 20-something-year-olds who do nothing but smoke weed all day every day and spend 8 AM every morning coughing until they urge, so I roll over and stuff ear plugs in my ears. At least they seem to be good people, and they know to keep their noses out of my business. And $600 for a single room and access to a (disgusting) bathroom, a (disgusting) kitchen and a (disgusting) laundry room with everything included is far, far from the worst I've had. I'm poor, but... it's something, and something isn't nothing.

[hollowpuppet]

"I hate you," I said before I could stop myself. He flinched hearing those words. After a while of unbearable and uncomfortable silence he sounds very hurt, "how long have you felt like this?" I took a breath, "I don't want to hate you and I didn't mean to say that. But now that I've said it, I do mean it." He is puzzled by that, "I-I thought we were friends. Why do you hate me?" I sighed, "Trust me, you don't want brutal honesty. But that being said, I wish you the best but... this is goodbye." I walked out of the room without waiting for his reaction.

You looked at your reflection in the mirror. Your reflection may be grinning but you certainly wasn't amused. "What did you do that for?" you asked, glaring at it. It looked at me with glee, "you were the one that wanted her gone and I carried out that wish". You clenched your fists, "get away from me, leave me alone!" It waggled its finger at you, "no can do I am afraid, I am part of you after all." You break the mirror as you shout, "I hate you! I don't care if you are a part of me, I hope you die".

She was wearing you down for a while. Turning everyone you know against you, denying the big and little joys of your day. And yet you wanted to believe she cared for you as much as you had cared for her. But destroying *that* photo album was the last straw. You didn't even have the energy to get mad anymore, your heart felt like an abyss. Your voice sounds exhausted, "Are you done?" She ran at you to yell at you but you just didn't care anymore. And mid tirade you interrupt her, "I tried to care for you, I tried to love you but nothing is ever good enough for you. I have sacrificed so much for you but the only thing you have shown me is that you want me to hate you, to convince me that you are a monster." You exhale and look her square in the eyes, "and congratulations you succeeded. I hate you"

"So what's on the menu today?' I asked, curiously. We were doing a cooking competition with the entire friendgroup. Jared heard me, "Well I hope that it's at least better than whatever you made. Even the pasta you made looked sorry for you." You all burst out laughing, "I hate you Jared".

"I hate you! Please go away." She stared at me after I said that. She didn't seem hurt, but rather she looked shocked and worried. "Oh hell no, you are not going to chase me away like that." She grabbed my arm, "what aren't you telling me?" I looked at her as shadows appeared underneath me and I started sinking into the ground.

"What are you doing?" I asked him as he was scribbling. He grinned, "livening up your logbook of course." I click with my tongue and pull my logbook away from him, "again man? I hate you." Without missing a beat he says "love you too, you are so boring sis".

His weapons clashed with his opponent's weapons. This battle would mean the end of their conflicts as well as who gets to take the prize. He ducks under the first cut, dodges the second and parries the third strike. He counterattacks and the opponent barely stands their ground. Just as he went for the finishing blow his opponent's spear stabs right through his heart. "So... this is the end huh?" Their solemn words ring through their helmet, "So it would seem, Sir Lantre". He coughs up blood, "I hate you, so much." He looks into their eyes, "I will see you when you get what you deserve". If it weren't for the bloodloss they wouldn't have known for sure if he actually died. As his glare stared into their soul, even in death.

"I hate you" as...

A guilty confession. I don't want to, I didn't mean to, but now I do.

An angry shout. Fists clenched, fury bubbling up inside until it finally bursts out.

A surrender. Exhausted, inflectionless. This is what you wanted, and you finally got it.

A joke; I'm giggling and so are you, and the words are so soft no one takes them seriously.

A warning; I'd never say that to you, and you know it, and now you know that something is very, very wrong.

A way of snarking back and forth with you. You've done something annoying, and I say I hate you, but we both know I don't mean it.

Defiance; you've won and we both know it, and I cannot stop you, but I will look you straight in the eyes, even to the end.

[hyrtwynwrites]

Personal Update

Hey, so, it's been a while, hasn't it?

To a degree, I'm writing this for myself; I don't think too many people follow me who don't interact with me somewhere else daily - though there are some exceptions to the rule. I think what I want to say here is mostly an explanation for why things have ground to a halt over the last few months, why I fell off the schedule, why... really, everything.

For starters, I lost my job in August. It was something that I sensed coming for weeks and weeks, and despite my best efforts to save it, in the end it just turned against me. I've found odd jobs here or there to stay (barely) above water since, but it's hard to really understate how much that devastated me. To be honest, I still am torn up about it; working for the [redacted] public library was the first step towards a dream I was chasing, and when my termination came, it felt like I was watching that dream be torn up in front of my eyes.

To be perfectly blunt, my emotional health has been a disaster. While I am safe, and taking care of myself, it has been more touch and go the last few months than I really care to admit. I don't think it's really a surprise that my creative energy has mostly dissipated, excluding my attempts to find it once more with ffxivwrites in September.

So, where do things stand now?

Despite how truly exhausted and burned out I've been lately, I haven't given up on writing Yen and her story. My ability to make progress has been... well, scattershot, but I have no intention in abandoning Light's Falle. The issue is that I do not know anymore how long it will take to get back up to speed on her stuff, how long it will take to finish writing An Oasis at Twilight, or where things will be going next.

I can, at least, say that trying to write and live update Book 3 almost certainly has seriously contributed to my burn-out. It was a step away from my usual process, which involves writing the whole story, editing, and then releasing. While I think that isn't necessarily practical either, I think trying to keep ahead of a schedule just has pressed my nose so far to the grindstone that it's rubbed off. I need time to heal, I need a new strategy, and I guess I just need a little hope.

I promise, more chapters are coming; some are in the editing phase, others are still being written. We will see the end of the Envoy arc, and it is my fullest hope that 2025 will herald Yenifer's first shaking steps as a Scion of the Seventh Dawn. I hope to see you all there.

Until then, may you ever walk in the light of the Crystal

-H