#as i could hear my parents and their friend an hour earlier then my wake up time

[thetimelordbatgirl]

Tfw you only intended to take a ten minute or so nap, and it somehow turned into a hour and so.

[nicolesainz]

Timeless (CS55)

Carlos Sainz x f!reader

Warnings: much much fluff, bits of heattbreak, flashbacks

Summary: Carlos has had many supporters, even during his first years in racing. Deep down he knows that only one of them stands truly out and will be by his side until the end of the line.

A/N: The story is from Carlos’s POV :)

Two lovers laughing on the porch of their first house.

“Will you make me wait any longer? I’m bored, let’s go!” Y/N hand’s we’re grabbing my legs, pulling me off of my bed. It was Saturday afternoon and exactly a week after I’d fly to England for two whole months.

Two entire months without being near Y/N. Hearing her voice. Feeling her touch. Being hugged by her and kissed on the forehead. Being encouraged by her praising words. Feeling the butterflies in my stomach every time she is around.

“Okay, fine, fine. You win! Let’s go. We will take my car this time. Yours is always squeaking and I’m afraid we will be stranded.” I gave in on her suggestion of going to see a new romantic movie that had just been released. All our mutual friends had invited her with them, but she always refused to. Two were the main reasons why.

First, they all went as couples and she didn’t want to be third wheeling. And secondly, I wasn’t here. I was in Barcelona for testing. Now it was finally her time to see the movie in the comfort she chose.

I was never planning on going to see that movie. Like Lando has told me, romance movies are not my cup of tea. But I’d sit and admire her passion about those films all day and night.

“I’m so sorry miss, but we are sold out. Maybe come tomorrow morning to check for new tickets?” The cashier tried to sound a little bit hopeful for Y/N’s sake, but that didn’t quite work.

“Oh yeah, sure. Thank you very much!” Y/N put on a fake smile and took my hand in hers, leading us back to my car. Disappointment was drawn all over her face. I couldn’t bare looking at her like this. I felt so bad that I couldn’t do anything.

“I should’ve gone with the guys. Why did I think there would still be availability for tickets? It’s the highest selling movie and has such a big demand.” She was scratching her head, trying to hold back the frustration.

“I’m so sorry amorcito. I would’ve booked you tickets if I knew earlier. We can try again tomorrow. I’m up for it.” Truth be told, I would have fallen asleep on the cinema seat if we went to the next day’s screening, since my father had taken me to practice.

“No worries Carlos. Let’s just go home and we can order something. My parents are out so we can find an old dvd or play a board game.” She wouldn’t even look at me. She was staring at her phone, typing to her girlfriends how in the end we didn’t find any tickets.

What took me by surprise was some of the messages I peeked as I was trying to catch her attention, clearly failing.

“Will Carlos take you anywhere romantic?”

“I bet if you asked him to go to the fun fair he’d speed there”

“TELL HIM THE TRUTH GIRL”

What truth? Did she want to go to the fun fair? Where should I take care? What was she hiding from me?

I turned on the car and took the opposite direction from her house, which lead to one of Madrid’s biggest fun fairs ever. Especially this time of the year, it was really enjoyable and nice.

I wanted Y/N to enjoy her time. Have fun. Live freely. See her happy. I was driving as fast as I could, so she wouldn’t notice where I was taking her.

Comfortable silence had take over the car ride, but after a few moments I heard slight snoring. I looked next to me during the red light to see that she had fallen asleep.

I don’t even know how many hours of sleep she’s lost due to talking with me on the phone, keeping me company, from the other side of the world. While I was warming up her voice was calming me down. It was like a ritual. But I didn’t understand that I was affecting her negatively this much. I had to make it up to her.

I decided not to wake her up until we reached our destination. I turned off the radio so the music wouldn’t bother her and focused on the road.

I would’ve read your love letters every single night.

“Mi guapa, do you mind waking up for a second?” I softly whispered in her ear, not wanting to startle the peace she was in. Slowly, she was rubbing her eyes and only the bright lights of the fair hit her eyes, her mouth fell open in surprise.

"Wha-Carlos what is this?"

"A way of trying to bring your smile back"

Y/N took my hand in hers and squeezed it very tightly, as if I was going to disappear. The sparkles in her eyes gave me hope and her cheeks, even though light was limited, were as maroon as ever.

"What are we waiting for then? Let's go have some fun." I opened her door and she quickly grabbed my bicep and guided us inside the funfair. She was swirling and shouting at all the games she wanted to play or the rides she wanted us to go in.

I am not a funfair guy. Even as a kid, when my sisters brought me here, I would sit out most of the rides with an ice cream on my hand, enjoying the view. I feel like with Y/N being so excited and thrilled, my inner child found what it was looking for.

What excites me is racing and speed. That day, I had found an even better reason to be excited and happy. I didn't mind the noise, the screams, the swearing, or the chilly air. I was purely happy just being alongside Y/N and seeing her with a massive smile plastered on her face.

When we entered the haunted house, we had been warned that actors pop up every now and then. She wouldn't let go of my hand, scared that in the darkness of the room I would run away. But no. I had to stop running away from her. From my feelings towards her.

I was holding her waist firmly, wanting to balance her and prevent any possible accidents. As we were close to the end of the 'tour', a witch actress scared the both of us for the last time with skeletons surrounding us.

Y/N screamed at the top of her lungs. But what she did say, almost made me fall on the ground.

"I do not want to die without having kissed you"

She wanted to kiss me? My Y/N wanted to get a taste of my lips? And as it seemed as badly as I did?

I wasted no time and in utter dark, I held her face against mine, smashing my lips onto hers, bringing the heat of her body closer to mine, wanting to secure her.

The taste of her lips was as I had imagined. The feeling I had in my stomach was levels superior to the thrill Formula One had ever given me. From race win to podiums, I had never felt like this before. It was everything I wanted. Everything I desired.

When I broke the kiss, we walked outside of the haunted house and being confronted with a visible shock on her face, but it being painted wine red. Her fingers were touching her lips, unaware of what had just happened. The other hand was on her chest.

"Is it possible to die from butterflies or being in love?" she whispered softly, coming closer to me and eyeing me directly. My own heart warmed at the sight of her being so shy and innocent. Jesus we were 20 but at that moment I felt like a 15 year old boy again, falling in love with my best friend, with whom I would share irrelevant information about my mechanics on my home's front porch.

"Don't die on me cariño. I haven't even said 'I love you' yet."

[the-prettiest-teardrop]

Safety Blanket

Pairing- Steve Harrington x GN!reader

Warnings- Friends to lovers, nightmares, PTSD, fluff, kinda cliche, sharing a bed.

A/N- Um, so I didn’t have service or wifi for over 24 hours and was so deprived of fics that I wrote a bunch.

Another night spent at the Harrington household, your home away from home. With Steve’s parents being gone so often, you had become used to staying over on nights where he didn’t feel like being alone in the big empty house.

Tonight was one of those nights, where you found yourself nestled beside him on the couch, watching whatever VHS he had put in the player, the light from the television being the only thing to illuminate your faces. You were ever aware of the presence of his hand on your hip, the way his breath fanned across your neck, it was all just enough to make your heart flutter, and your cheeks warm.

“You doin’ okay? I know it’s getting late and you don’t like your sleep gettin’ messed up.” Steve says softly, tucking a lock of your hair behind your ear.

“I might go to bed if you’re okay with it.” You reply, tone just as soft and sweet as his.

“Alright sweetheart, go rest.” The pet name makes your whole body warm, sending a shock through you.

You bid him good night and walked to the guest room, a place that started to feel more like your bedroom than the one at your own home. Your body relaxed against the soft bed, closing your eyes and laying for a moment before shedding your clothes, opting for just an old tee and some small sleep shorts. The second you tucked yourself under the light blue covers, you were fast asleep, body and mind exhausted from the day.

About an hour after you fell asleep, you were awoken by Steve loudly whispering your name.

“Y/n, wake up.” He spoke again, rubbing your shoulder gently.

“What’s wrong Stevie?” Your sleep-filled voice, somehow still sounding as if it was drenched with honey. The sound of your voice drawling out the sweet nickname made his heart melt.

“Can- will- will you come sleep in my room with me? Or can I sleep in here?” He asks quickly, worried you’d freak out and think he was weird or something. 

“Sure, let’s go to your bed.” Some of the sleep had cleared from your voice, and he let out a sigh of relief as you got out of bed. 

Steve kept a firm hold on your hand as the two of you ascended the steps to his room, his other arm encircling your waist to keep you close.

Once in his room, the two of you were quietly tucked into bed beside each other. Although it was a bit awkward at first, he eventually settled on slinging an arm around your waist, his other hand beneath his head. As he drifted to sleep, you lay awake, focused on the way his perfect pink lips were parted as he softly breathed. You felt like a bit of a creep, but tried to push the thought away, instead, opting to close your eyes and lull yourself into a calm sleep.

You were woken up at around 2 in the morning to Steve elbowing you. Your first instinct was to push him away, or to leave the bed, but when you looked over, he was curled up, seemingly having some sort of distressing dream. You reached an arm out, grasping his shoulder and loudly whispering his name, the same as he’d done to you earlier. 

After a few seconds, he shot up, eyes wide with fear.

“Hey, hey, just me, it’s just me.” You soothe, rubbing his back in a calming manner.

“I- I- everyone was gone, a hole opened up and everyone just fell in and was gone. You, Dustin, Nance, everyone.” You could hear the sheer panic in his voice. Your chest felt tight with worry, wondering how long he’d been struggling with this.

“Hey, hey, I’m right here, we’re all safe, everyone is okay.” Your calm voice wavered a bit, unsure if your words were helping. Before you could do much more, his face was tucked in the crook of your neck, arms holding you close. As you wrapped your arms around, you could feel hot tears hitting your neck. You continued to rub his back, allowing him to pour out all his emotions.

“M’sorry I’m like this.” He says in a broken whisper, guilt filling him.

“No, no, s’okay, just let it all out.” You soothe, and you can hear his sobs slowly stop. He picks his head up from the crook of your neck, long eyelashes dotted with tears like morning dew covered the grass. His under eyes were puffy and red, his eyes hazy and unfocused. “Hey, it’s alright, you’re allowed to be upset, especially after everything that’s happened.” You smiled sweetly, brushing his hair from his face before caressing his cheek, wiping a stray tear.

“God, I was so scared, you were gone and I never told you-.” He suddenly stops himself, shaking his head. 

“What? What did you not say?” You ask, heart beating a bit faster at the idea of him possibly reciprocating feelings.

“I- I never told you that I loved you.” He says quietly, dropping his head in shame. “I- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” He apologizes quietly.

“Hey, Stevie, look at me. I love too, so much, always have baby.” Your voice shakes as you speak, and before you can get anything else out, his lips were pressed to yours. The kiss started tentative and slow, not sure of whether or not this was okay, but as he felt your lips begin to move, he kissed back with equal fervor. His tongue proded at your lips, causing you to part them, allowing him entrance. His tongue massages against yours, and you push him down on the bed, straddling him and kissing him deeper the before. He finally pulled away, gasping for breath as you clambered off him.

“Jesus Christ- I didn’t think that’d be happening tonight.” His voice was breathless, cheeks rosy and lips swollen and red. You didn’t think anyone could be prettier than he was right now, staring up at you with his blown-out pupils.

“Neither did I, but I’m glad it happened.” You say with a smile, laying down beside him and holding him close.

“We should sleep sweetheart, I think I’ll be fine now that you’re here, you’re like a safety blanket.” Needless to say, you’d spend many more nights in his bed.

[tuliptired]

He's Good People Ch.2

Chapter 2: We Could Steal Time, for Just One Day (We Can be Heroes)

Pairing(s): Gn!reader/Ray, Gn!reader/Egon, Gn!reader/Winston

Summary: (Egon centric) You get to spend most of the day with the quiet scientist, as per his out of character invitations.

Warnings: talk of having a baby, though reader biology is never specified

Thank you for all the support so far!

read it on Ao3!

 There was a soft light hitting your eye, lulling you back awake. You were safe, in your own bed, in your own house, about to go to work.

Oh. These aren’t your sheets. This was not your house. You sat up. Ray was still asleep, curled up in extra blankets beside you. You looked around, Peter and Winston were motionless, the clock reading 7:22. Egon’s bed was empty.

Normally, you didn’t wake up in beds that weren’t yours. Normally, you didn’t wake up in beds that weren’t yours in houses that weren’t yours. Normally, you didn’t wake up in beds that weren’t yours in houses that weren’t yours that belonged to some men you had only just met. And you don’t wear their spare clothes, and sleep in close enough proximity that you can hear their snores catch in their throats. You ran a hand over your face. It all felt so shameless. Not respectable. What were you doing?

The door opened softly and Egon stepped in, holding a stained piece of fabric. He appeared to have showered and dressed in the earlier hours of the morning, and he pulled a drawer open for a new tie. You felt awkward in his space, as he went about his business. Thankfully, he broke the silence.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning…sorry, Ray told me I could sleep in here.” You unconsciously pulled the sheets over yourself, despite the fact your body was fully covered in baggy sleepwear built for the physique of a 50 year old firefighter.

“I don’t mind.” He pulled a tie out and examined it.

“You didn’t sleep?” You ask idly. His fingers made ease of the garment, smoothing it out.

“I’m fine.” He looked over at the sleeping forms of his friends, dead to the world. “They won’t be up for a while. It’s a Sunday.” He paused for a bit, pondering something, shutting the drawer.

“Would you like breakfast?” The question takes you by surprise, but the emptiness in your stomach is starting to ache.

“If it’s not too much trouble.” He freezes up, as if he didn’t expect your answer. He blinks, gears turning, the offer coming out beyond his own volition. Egon shakes his head slightly, as if wiping a thought away. He and Ray had habits of doing that, you noticed.

“None at all.” He starts out the room. When he reaches the kitchen space, he stands there for a moment, hands at his sides. Robotically, he pulls out eggs, butter, sugar, and a few other things from the fridge, managing to lay them all out methodically, in an organized chaos.

You feel a bit rude, just standing there. “Is there any way I could help?” You unconsciously roll up the sleeves of the sweatshirt.

Egon keeps working, mixing something intently. “No.” You blink. Hesitantly, you move to sit at the table somehow feeling a little ruder. As Egon notices you pulling a chair out slowly so as to not disturb him, he sighs, slowing his work.

“Not because I think you’d be inadequate. I just have a system.” He lit a pan on the stove, pouring a small amount of oil into it.

“A system for pancakes?” 

“Mrs.Stantz taught me how to make them in graduate school.”

You got a little thrown at that. “Mrs…Stantz?”

A silence. His arms are suspended in the air, batter flowing into the hot pan. “Ray’s mother.” You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. He held one.

“Your parents never taught you to cook?” You try to alleviate some of the palpable tension still in the air.

“My parents were fans of quark on their gruel,” is all he said. “But. The Stantz family was different. They…put sugar in their coffee. Had big ‘sundee’ dinners.”

He seemed to think hard before speaking again, measuring each word like they could betray him. “Mrs. Stantz told me that…cooking for others was a way of saying you wanted them to live.”

That’s why he offered. You could smile at that. In the short time you knew him, you’d gathered that he didn’t seem as skilled as his friends in the ways of sociability. You really didn’t know him as well as you’d liked- he hadn’t shown you much, but you could appreciate the gesture. 

“Thank you, Dr. Spengler.” He stilled again, ever so slightly. You hadn’t noticed until then that the sleeves of his dress shirt were rolled up to his elbows. Maybe you ought to call him that more often? If you planned on sticking around. You didn’t know what your plan was anymore

There was a comfortable silence as he continued to work, diligently managing pancakes in one pan, potatoes and eggs in another. After a while, he pulls a small container out from the back of the fridge. 

“Do you feel strongly about mushrooms?”

“Do you want me to?” 

“These are top shelf. The Hennessy of the mycology world.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

Eventually, he was plating food for the two of you, potatoes and eggs (with Hennessy mushrooms) on one half, steaming pancakes on the other. Before you could smile and thank him, he stops you.

Swirling around a small pitcher one final time, he carefully crouches at the front of the table. A light, yellowish liquid pours out of it and slathers onto the pastry, making you unknowingly drool.

With delicate precision, he adds a heap to his own. When he decides it's enough, he takes a seat, gesturing for you to start. You take a bite and…

Good god, this was the best thing you’ve ever tasted. The pancakes were cooked thoroughly, the texture of it all feeling like clouds in love on your tongue. The mysterious syrup was the best part- it was homely, and almost like a candy that melted down your throat. You stared up at Egon in disbelief as you swallowed.

“Holy cow” 

‘More or less. Buttermilk syrup”

It's safe to say you dug in, making quick work of the stack that was once on your plate. Wiping your mouth, you had to sing his praises. He had the slightest hint of an indulgent smile, watching you eat. One of pride, maybe?

 “These are incredible, Dr. Spengler. What do I have to do to get Ray to give me the recipe?” You asked earnestly. To that, his smile quickly fell, and he hastily dismissed the idea.

“Don’t bother. His mother says I’m the only one who can replicate them.” He speaks as if you’re discussing nuclear codes. “Besides, I’ve got it memorized.”

“Are you willing to share?”

“I’d have to kill you.”

You made pleasant conversation for a while, even after both your plates had been cleared. Nursing a pot of coffee, he recalled something. 

“Your bag ended up in the laundry chute. Here.” But he misjudges how secure the latch was- and as he holds on to the wrong part the contents spill onto the table. The worn, brown bag of candy from the day prior rips, and Crunch Bars, hard candies, and fruit chews tumble out in front of you. Embarrassment engulfs you as you apologize, just short of lunging over the table to clean up the mess, detesting how weird you must look carrying around a bag that had nothing but sweets. 

He helps you rather the treats up wordlessly, before handing you one of the many blue wrapped chocolate bars.

“Would it be optimal to keep candies in my flight suit?” He voiced.

“Don’t patronize me,” your face burns still, your hands crumpling up the paper packaging.

“I’m serious. It would keep my blood sugars high.”

“Go for it, Dr. Spengler.” You grinned, sliding him a Crunch Bar. Something twinkled behind his eyes. Was this the first time you noticed that he and his arms looked strong, under all that clothing?

“Hey noise machines. You woke us up.” Peter stands in the doorway, Winston and Ray behind him sleepily.

“Sorry,” you pardoned yourself. Like a pack of bears, the men made their way to search for the delightful smell that was wafting towards them from down the hallway.

“Don’t be. I’ve never heard the professor talk so much so early,” Winston yawned.

“Hey! You left us with the dishes!” Ray whined, holding up the dirtied mixing bowls and oily skillet. 

“There’s raisin bran in the pantry.” Egon conducted you out of the room. He had you follow him back to the bedroom, stopping at the door to think to himself. You were used to it at this point. He emerged, with a light blue sweater and an unworn pair of track pants. 

“I’m assuming you’d like to shower now. Here’s a change of clothes-” His voice got a bit worried at the end as you thumbed through the garments, musing at a dark blue fabric sandwiched between what he had handed you.

He couldn’t meet your eyes, his pupils darting in different directions. He fumbled with his folded hands. “They’ve never been worn. It was either those or long johns.” He shuffles past you, in a hurry to leave you be.

Opening up the pile, you see a dark blue pair of boxers, making your face ignite with embarrassment. It's the thought that counts?

“Dr. Spengler!” You call over your shoulder.

He’s halfway down the hall. “...Yes?”

“Thank you.”

He nods, and disappears into the corridors of the firehouse.

The showers are in one large bathroom, reminiscent of a locker room. A wall of sinks and mirrors, opposite a wall of spacious shower space, where curtains separate each showerhead. Well, you´re already there. There's a small bottle of coconut body wash staring you down as you do your business. Of course a little bit wouldn't be missed right? It's a lot more liquid than you expected- and that ´little bit´ went a long way. As you exit the shower careful not to slip on the slick tile, the coconut scent wafts into your nose pleasantly.

You stared at the pile of clothes neatly folded on a bench, like it's a dragon to be slain. In a way, it was. You pulled on the boxers- they fit better than you thought. Ignoring how the image in the mirror made you feel. As your skin still dried, you felt the blue sweater in your hands. The knitwear was delicate in your palms, the yarn a bit worn. It felt more personal than the spare loungewear left in the basement. It felt like a person. 

 It was fairly large, dwarfing your body. The fibers carried a similar coconut and sandalwood smell that the soap had, making your body feel protected. There were the sweatpants, too, but whatever. They weren't like this. 

You left your pajamas in a neat pile as you dropped it down one of the laundry chutes, hoping your undergarments didn´t tumble out into the open. As you crept down the stairs, Janine was working at her desk while Winston gave Ray a hand repairing the Ecto-1. You sat with her for most of the morning, as she insisted on your presence as she handled clerical work and gossipped simultaneously. The 2 men listened to your conversations fondly. 

“You smell nice,” Janine commented questioningly.

It was around 12 when a woman walked into the firehouse holding a baby, greeted by Ray and Winston while they worked on the underside of the car. Winston seemed a little less enthusiastic as he held the bright hot flashlight.

"Hi Dana. This is Peter´s keeper,” Janine filled you in. The woman, Dana, gave you a kind smile. "The little bald one is Oscar."

The baby sat patiently, if not curiously, in her arms, a hand in his mouth. Dana joked at him to say hi, and he blew a small raspberry in response.

“He's adorable," you cooed, letting instincts take over as he reached out for your finger, which you gave to him. "How old?”

"10 months, and already very handsy." Dana bounced him in her arms as he tried to replace the hand in his mouth with your own. "Is Peter around?

"Somewhere." Janine yelled for him, and he beckoned for her to give him a second. Egon emerged at that point, wondering what all the noise was. His features relaxed at the sight of the infant.

"Hi, Egon." Dana greeted him, as he stood peering at the mother and her child.

"May I hold him?"

She blinked, a little dumbfounded. "I thought you said babies carried pathogens detrimental to your lymphatic system?" Oscar seemed very interested in him.

"Normally." He held his arms out, expectantly. Dana slowly concedes, and he takes the baby awkwardly. Oscar didn't seem to mind the weird angle, held almost like a freshly caught fish on his back. He kicked his feet and stretched his arms out, and Egon looked as if he was scared to move.

You laughed, though partially concerned for his stability. Babies got heavy fast. "Have you ever held a baby, Dr. Spengler?" You repositioned him so that he sat comfortably against Egon´s shoulder. "May I…?" You asked Dana, to which she nodded warmly.

Taking Oscar, you held him with ease, as he reached up to grab your nose. Bouncing him in your arms, he hit you on either side of your temples, exploring your face. "What´re you looking for?"

Unbeknownst to you, Egon was gazing at you playing with Oscar. So was Ray, across the garage. As you walked in a circle with him in your arms, Dana also watched on, amused.

"You're a parent?"

The question catches you off guard. “Oh, no. Not yet at least.”

“Waiting for ‘the one’” Janine cuts in, eyes not leaving her computer.

“Among other things.” Oscar plays with the collar of the sweater, tugging on it. Peter hopped off the last of the stairs then, exclaiming at the spectacle.

“You’ve got some hairless monster on you,” he feigns fear. Oscar looked at him once, before going back to your collar. 

Ray crosses to you both, cooing at the kid in your arms. Peter stopped him halfway there.

“Wash.”

Ray looked down at his motor-oil covered hands, and defeatedly sulked over to the garage sink. Peter turned to you, opening his mouth to say something, before snapping it closed. He narrowed his eyes and pointed a finger at you.

“Is that Eges’?”

You look down. “Is it?”

Egon went rigid, as usual, and swallowed silently. “Today’s forecast predicted a cold front.”

“We’re in the middle of the warmest spring in a decade. Mr. Softy’s outside.”

“Inaccurate journalism, then.”

While Ray’s eyes turned into slits from the sink, Peter’s widened. He put a hand on Dana’s shoulder and steered her towards the door. “I’m gonna have a quick walk with my girl here.”

“I was only stopping by for-”

“A quick walk.”

Oscar looked confused at seeing his mother go. He balled his fists in the front of your shirt. “The baby?”

“Keep it,” Peter called over his shoulder before the door shut. 

As Winston packed up all the tools under the elevated vehicle and Ray vehemently turned the pipe off, the phone rang. Janine took it, listening with “uh-huh’s” occasionally, before scribbling down an address on a notepad.

“There’s a client at,” she ripped the paper out and held it out for Ray, “this address. Golf course- she says there’s a puppet ripping out the green.” His eyes grew to the size of saucers as he read it to himself.

“Man! Are you sure this isn’t out of our zoning?” He pleaded with the tiny woman.

“I don’t know, Mr. ‘We’re ready to believe you’.” Janine resumed her typing.

“The day barely started and we’re already driving 2 hours out the way,” he grumbled., “Isn’t it Peter and Egon’s turn?” 

“It’s not. Last month we went down to that beach in Jersey.”

Ray’s incredulous glower deepened. “And you got ice cream afterwards!”

“And we’re very sorry yours melted.”

 He muttered a few things, before surrendering and pulling on his flight suit, Winston behind him begrudgingly. They repacked the car, pulled out the garage, and they were off.

Peter and Dana still weren’t back, so you sat back in the chair at Janine’s side. Oscar reached out to grab her sleeve.

“I’m returning this later, he’ll stain it.” She rolled her chair an inch away, sharpening a pencil. 

He babbled at her. “Don’t worry about Janine. She’s mean and old.” He tried leaning out of your reach to touch her face, entranced by something, before you spun the chair around. “She’ll steal your youth, Oscar.”

He looked a little bored, as he hit your temples for the second time. His brow furrowed as much as a baby could manage, as he examined your face again. “What?” You asked. He looked sad, making small whimpers at you. You turned the chair around again, showing him Egon. “He looks constipated, Dr. Spengler.”

Oscar suddenly got very excited, bouncing up and down and grabbing the air. You laugh, using your foot to bring a wheeled-stool over, waving Egon along to sit. He sat, legs comically too large for the tiny chair.

“Sure, let’s have a meeting at Janine's desk,” the woman commented dryly.

Egon looked a little bemused as the boy exclaimed for him, sitting in your lap. You scooted closer to him, so much so that your knees touched and formed a bridge, his skin getting warmer as you did. You place Oscar on the ledge you created, and he eagerly leans into Egon. He reaches for his face like he did you and Janine, but falls onto his butt in the process. Egon’s stiffness is endearing. It’s like there was a baby bear on his lap rather than a baby child. Jeez, he’s gonna burst a blood vessel at this rate.

Putting him out of his misery, you lightly grab each of his hands, steadying them on each side of the sitting baby marveling at the man in front of him. Egon’s skin is still warm, even more so now, as you coax him to pick Oscar up. The backs, at least, were a little rough and worn, but you expected no more from a scientist. He was still a man, at the end of the day. You glanced up at his panicking face, and you didn’t know any better, you’d say his chest was rising and falling more than normal. You held Egon’s large hands under your own as you aided him in raising him to eye level.

You leaned to the right, keen on teasing his bewildered face from behind Oscar’s rear end. “Was that hard, Dr. Spengler?” Oscar starts gleefully hitting his temples as he did yours.

“Do you want to have a baby.”

Janine’s typing stops. Egon’s glasses go flying off his face and land behind you, as the baby in your hands erupts in a fit of giggles before you could say anything. His hands recoiled from yours like you were a burning stove as you gently set him down, back on your own lap.

Egon looks like his brain is short circuiting and melting out his ears, which, for all you know, it was. Even with his glasses off, his face never failed to absorb you. He definitely had the face to make a few college girls lose their humility. 

He remembered human interaction and cleared his throat. “What I meant was. Oscar has a larger than normal head and large eyes. He also has an upturned, small nose.” His tone regained the scientific timbre it normally had. “Many people of,” he fished for the words, “child-rearing-age find these features…’cute’.” Janine snorted a laugh, then got up to search for his discarded eyewear somewhere on the floor.

“He’s to die for, no doubt. I just…” he’s resided lying against your legs now, his wonder satisfied for one afternoon as he teethed on one of Egon’s fingers, “Unfortunately, it takes 2 to to make a baby. I’m not exactly properly equipped to complete that job on my own” You sighed. How was your life gonna go back to normal, once your apartment was safe again? You hate to admit, but that job was you at your peak. Janine pressed the eyeglasses into Egon’s palm.

The door opened then, and Peter entered with Dana in tow. She smirked at the sight of you and Egon, knee to knee with a baby in between you.

“How cute, we’ll call up JCPenney and they can take a family photo,” she took to teasing Egon as you handed her back her son.

He sat limply in her arms, about ready for a nap. “He’s delightful, Dana.”

“Makes you wanna have one?” Janine turns in her chair to face you.

At some point during the afternoon, Janine sighed heavily at the idea of running around and completing the list of errands she’d let fester over the week as you ate together upstairs. Egon was tinkering with something at the workspace near you when he spoke up.

“Do you want me to do it?” He put the contraption down on the desk.

“You would?” Janine let her head fall on the back of the couch, holding the list out to him.

“I might as well. I can’t focus today.” He folded the paper, placing it in the pocket of his coat. As he started down the steps, he slowed, and turned his head towards you.

“Y/N? Would you mind joining me? I don’t get to the store much.” You had no objections. After washing the last of the wares you both had dirtied, you dried your hands off on a teatowel before descending the stairs on Egon’s heels.

He held the door for you as you stepped out onto the sidewalk, and the humidity hit you like  a brick. It had been a pretty warm spring, but the recent light rain seemed to cool the earth off, just a bit. It was getting gray and wet outside the longer you walked, clouds ghosting over the sun every now and again. You both walked together in comfortable silence, in an arbitrary direction (you’ve never been shopping in this area), as gentle drops on your head slowly turned into genuine precipitation.

Before you could suggest turning back, or grabbing umbrellas, the rain above you suddenly stops. As you look up, he’s holding his overcoat above your head. Head and shoulders undoubtedly getting soaked. 

“There’s a bus stop down the block. We can catch it if we run.”

With that, you’re off. Running like little kids down a hill, you narrowly avoid deep puddles and streetlamps as you giggle uncontrollably. As your feet hit the sidewalk with every step, the petrichor in the air fills your lungs like it’s your soul. In a way, in your adrenaline rushed mind, you equate it with the man next to you. 

When you finally reach the stop, the bus is lurking from the end of the street. Doubled over, you catch your breath, the air now feeling like fire leaving your esophagus. But you laugh through it all. And the man who shielded you from the rain lets out a weak, barely there chuckle. You straighten to thank him, when you notice how bad mother nature got him. Egon’s usually pomaded, high and tamed hair had fallen out of place, curls now coming loose on his head. He looked wonderful, other than most of his upper body being stained by the sudden downpour.

You can’t speak, staring at him, at the almost Grecian picture in front of you. His lips were parted slightly as he regained his energy, almost curled in a simper as the strong hands you felt earlier wiped some of the dampness from his forehead. His tie was a sky blue, unlike the sky that had dominion over you now. And god, he looked nice in blue.

As he noticed your staring, an eyebrow quirked up, only slightly. There was nothing for you to do but laugh, leaning into the tall man in front of you. He was stiff at first, and confused, but he succumbed to it soon enough, holding you as well as he couldn’t hold himself back from the ridiculousness of it all. You both probably looked like idiots, losing your minds on the side of the street. But for the first time since yesterday, you were sure of something. If this was what it felt like to be an idiot with him, you never wanted to be smart again.

[lucky38-2077]

OC Interview: Vincent Ibarra & Naota Vasile

Tagged by @dreamskug It was really fun to do this and thank you for tagging!🖤🖤

NICKNAME

V: Most people call me V. Some people I've known since I was little still call me kid, but I guess I'm not a kid anymore, am I? Naota: My family and friends often call me Nao.

GENDER

V: Male. Naota: I am a demiguy.

STAR SIGNS

V: Don't know my exact birth date but I heard it was middle of December. So the thing with the archer? Sagutti...something. Naota: It's Sagittarius, V. (yeah that it!) Mine is Capricorn.

HEIGHTS

V: Why do people even care about the height? I don't know, haven't checked since teenager. Naota: I'm about 5′ 7″ and V is a little taller than me. I think... he could be around 5′ 9″. V: WOW. I'm learning about myself here.

ORIENTATION

V: I like men. Naota: I... I think the closest one should be Pansexual. Do you have preference? If you don't mind talking about. Naota: I really don't know, and it doesn't matter to me anymore.

NATIONALITY / ETHNICITY

V: Nobody knows who my parents were at all. Valentino is my thing. Naota: My father was Italian and mother was Japanese. I feel close to both. V, have you ever tried to look for your biological parents? V: Nah, have my family already. I've got old man Padre and Mama Welles. But don't you even think about a thing between them. They are good friends, nothing more.

FAVE FRUIT & FAVE SEASON

V: Green grapes and lemons. Well I don't enjoy eating lemons, but love lemonade. Naota: It's hard to choose... apples, oranges, cherries... V: And season? Summer. Not because of the weather, because I can play in water a lot. Naota: I like winter. I feel cold easily but it's still my favorite. Warm clothes, soft blankets and hot... Wait we have another question for that, please save it! Naota: Oh.

FAVE FLOWER

V: Not really interested in, but red or yellow ones are pretty. Naota: I do love flowers. Peony and hibiscus are my favorite. V: Don't forget a desert rose, D-rose. Desert rose- Adenium? Is there a story about it? I'd like to hear. Naota: Um... my partner gave it to me as a gift before. I still have the pot and it means a lot to me. And D-rose? V: The whole family calls him D-rose because of it. (Looking at Naota) You're blushed, amigo. Naota: ....

FAVE SCENT

V: Hmm never really thought about that. I think my man uses kinda perfume. No clue what it is, but he smells good. Naota: Fresh ones such as herbs. I like the smell of flowers, too.

COFFEE, TEA, HOT CHOCOLATE

V: Soda. But coffee is also good. Naota: Hot chocolate... oh this is why you stopped me earlier. Yes, I like winter and I like hot chocolate.

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP

V: 6 or 7? I'm not a morning dude so probably wake up later than most people. Naota: I used to have a sleeping problem but it's getting better. V: Thanks to the biiiiig cuddly teddy bear. I have some plushies on my bed too. How big is it? Naota: No! It's... not... a plush. Let's move on.

DOG OR CAT PERSON

V: I like both, but with my baby Nibbles I'm currently a cat person. Naota: I've been always fond of cats.

DREAM TRIP

V: I want to go to the most beautiful, clean beaches in the world, not ones that are full of trash. Not sure if there is any left. Naota: I haven't thought about it. But with my family now, wherever will be great.

FAVE FICTIONAL CHARACTER

V: Rocky Balboa. If you want to talk about this with me, we should make another schedule. Naota: Unico. He's a baby unicorn who has a power making people happy. He's also very cute.

NUMBER OF BLANKETS YOU SLEEP WITH

V: Do you need more than one?? Naota: Yes, V. I usually have two blankets, more in winter. V: What? I mean. WHY? Naota: It's warm, comfortable... V: Man. I don't get it.

RANDOM FACT

V: I can hold my breath pretty long in water. Without any gear or cyberware. My record is 6 minutes 28 sec. Naota: That's amazing, V. Indeed. Do you train for it? V: Maybe a little? Think I was born with it. I just feel comfortable in water. How about you? Naota: I can't think of anything... I'll pass. OH.

I think most of people I know have already been tagged, but if there's anyone interested please go ahead!🤗

And this is Unico Naota mentioned, in case anyone was wondering. The idea just came up with when I saw the question. It was pure coincidence Naota has pink hair like Unico and I like it🤣

[thevegandarkelf]

Finding Myself, Finding You: Chapter Nine

Masterlist

AO3 link

Story is 18+ for mature content/themes, minors do not interact please

TW/CWs for this story--implied/referenced past rape, canonical violence, non-canonical violence, blood, gore, referenced past suicide, swearing, surgery, excessive drinking, nightmares, panic attacks, mention of scars, vomiting, amputation, medical procedures, non-con medical procedures, referenced past medical torture, referenced past drugging, attempted sexual assault, panic attacks, mental health struggles, referenced sibling death, referenced parent death

Each chapter will have its own TW/CWs listed

This story, Lydia Vector, her family & bestie (c) me, TheVeganDarkElf

TWD & its characters (c) AMC & Robert Kirkman, the writer of the comic series

Sleeping Beauty (c) Disney, Wednesday Addams (c) Charles Addams

TW/CWs for this chapter--swearing, reference to nightmares

Word count: 2.8k

Several days had passed since Daryl left. I’m not gonna lie, I missed waking up after falling out of bed and hearing my door open, peering up to see him standing there, making sure I was alright. Before he left, I was insisting to him that he didn’t need to keep doing that, but I hoped he would ignore me and continue when he returned.

When I wasn’t treating someone, I was helping around Alexandria in other ways. I helped with laundry, cooking, playing with Judith and some of the other kids (they had lots of questions about me being a doctor), tending to the garden, and figuring out how to make Aaron a prosthetic foot. I found a pair of scissors and nail clippers in the infirmary, so I finally got to clip my nails and cut a few inches of dead ends off my hair. I also invited Maggie, Glenn, and Rosita over for dinner one night and cooked for them. Every day, I felt more and more a part of the community and like I belonged there. At times, it would become overwhelming, and I would step away from everything to cry. After being on my own for so long, finding somewhere with good people that welcomed me so warmly was heartwarming, but it also made me ache for my parents, my brothers, and my best friend.

Having the house to myself for a week gave me plenty of time to think about Daryl. Think about our first run, think about every interaction we’ve had, think about what Michonne, Maggie, and Rosita had said, and think about what Carol said. That that wasn’t the first time he had talked to her about me. That he “didn’t hate me. Not even close.” I thought about what I was going to say to him when he got back. Thought about what he did with the note I left as I didn’t have it in me to check the trash can and possibly see it there.

It was starting to get dark out, and I had finished my duties for the day, so I went back home to make dinner. I had found a slow cooker in one of the cabinets in the kitchen, buried away, so I elected to make something I often made in college as I could just start up the slow cooker and leave it. I grabbed various ingredients out from the fridge and cabinets, washing produce off and dumping everything in the pot with water. I turned the timer on and headed upstairs to take a shower. It was a hair-washing day, so it was good that the food was going to take a few hours as I would have plenty of time.

I stopped in my room and grabbed a pair of pajamas. I had originally just been sleeping in my clothes, but the nights were getting chillier, so I needed something warmer. Rosita helped me find a red plaid flannel pajama set that fit perfectly. I had been bringing my clothes with me into the bathroom when I showered to avoid having to scurry around in a towel in case Daryl came back. I got the water running and undressed, stepping into the warm cascade of water.

Earlier, when I had been hanging out with and entertaining some of the children, they asked me what my favorite movies were when movies existed. I told them about my favorite Disney movie from when I was growing up—Sleeping Beauty. I told them all about the tale of Princess Aurora, the fairy godmothers, Prince Philip, and Maleficent. How Prince Philip slayed the dragon to save the princess. How they fell in love and got married. The music was one of my favorite parts, and as I washed and rinsed my hair, I found myself first humming, then singing the song “Once Upon A Dream” from the movie.

I kept singing as I finished my shower. I didn’t think I was perfect by any means, but at least I could hit the higher notes comfortably. The acoustics in the bathroom were stellar. I dried myself off and got into my comfy pajamas, grabbing my glasses off of the sink and putting them back on. I left the bathroom and gave my hair a quick run-through with the towel as I walked back to my room, continuing my serenade as I went.

I grabbed a couple of hair ties off my dresser and shook my hair out again, brushing through it with my fingers and parting it down the middle. I tightly braided each side so that it would turn out wavy again in the morning. I smiled, thinking about all of the times Preston would call me Wednesday when I did this with my hair. Apparently, long black braided hair immediately equals Wednesday Addams.

I grabbed my towel to take it back to the bathroom, and as I stepped out into the hallway, I heard a familiar, gravely voice from downstairs.

“Smells good.”

It felt like I jumped a foot off the ground with how startled I was. The adrenaline was pumping hard, and I turned to steady myself on the railing by the stairs. I looked up and saw Daryl standing in the kitchen, leaned back against the counter, a whiskey in his hand. He was dirty from head to toe, and his hair was disheveled as hell. Despite all the dirt and grime, he was still as handsome as could be. And even though I was startled to high hell, it was wonderful to hear his voice again.

“Christ dude, you have got to stop doing that. You’re gonna give me a heart attack one of these days,” I said, “but hi, you’re back. When did you get back?” I came down the stairs into the kitchen to check on the food. He shifted from leaning on the counter to the island as I entered, stopping to grab a ladle to stir the contents of the slow cooker.

“Long ‘nough ta hear ya in the shower,” he replied, taking a sip of his drink, his other arm folded across his chest. I immediately started blushing, and I felt nauseous at the thought of him judging my vocals. I wanted to die in that moment.

“Fuck. Sorry about that,” I said, gazing down at the floor, hoping he wouldn’t notice how red I was.

“Nothing to be sorry ‘bout,” he assured, “what’re ya makin’?” I lifted my head and met his eyes for just a second before I took the lid off the slower cooker and stirred it. This might’ve been the most I’d ever heard the man talk.

“Ok, you can’t laugh,” I said, chuckling a little and putting the lid back on, turning to him, “it’s something my best friend and I came up with in med school. It’s, umm…it’s called a dump ’n pray. You basically just take a bunch of stuff that would probably go well together, dump it all into a slower cooker, and pray that it turns out good. Usually it does. It’s got like a 98% success rate in my experience.”

“Smells real good,” Daryl said, and I gave him a small smile in response, “I uh, got ya somethin’ while we was out.” He leaned over and grabbed a bag off of the floor, and my heart rate picked up again. He opened the bag and pulled out something wrapped in a dirty beige scarf, “thought of ya when I saw it.”

I tried to think about something else to keep myself from turning red. Not just at the fact that Daryl got me something on his trip, but that he thought of me when he was out there. I wondered how often he did that, how often he thought of me exactly. Did he think of me as often as I thought of him?

I unwrapped the scarf carefully in case whatever was inside was fragile. I saw a navy blue fabric with a flower on it peeking out at me, so I grabbed it and let the scarf fall to my feet. The item in my hands was a long navy blue dress with large white flowers and a slit up one leg. It looked like it would fit me perfectly. Despite how dirty Daryl looked, the dress appeared clean, probably thanks to the scarf it was wrapped in. I immediately lit up, smiling big, running my hands on the fabric over and over again. The kind gesture, the fact that he wrapped it in a scarf to keep it clean…my heart swelled, and I felt that warm sensation in my chest again.

“Daryl, I…I don’t know what to say. This is beautiful. I love it. Thank you.” He simply nodded, and I had to ask the question that was scratching at the insides of my brain. “Did you remember?”

“‘Member what?”

“That my favorite color is blue.”

“Got lucky I guess,” he scoffed. He grabbed his things off the ground, including the scarf at my feet, set his drink on the counter, and slipped past me upstairs. I wouldn’t blame him for just wanting to be alone and going to bed to pass out. He was probably exhausted. However, I heard the shower turn on instead.

Once I heard the bathroom door close, I went upstairs to my room and folded the dress neatly, placing it in one of the drawers on the dresser. I grabbed my notebook and a pen and went back downstairs to the couch to do some writing while I waited for the food to finish.

I sat down on the couch and crossed my legs. I ran my hands over the cover of my notebook, my fingers gracing each sticker that they passed. There was a U.S. Navy one, a variety of flowers, a Johns Hopkins one, and some at gotten at a Ke$ha concert as she was my favorite artist. This notebook was my most recent, and it was one of my most prized possessions. I felt like it painted a picture of what my life had looked like over the course of the end of the world so far.

I got lost in what I was writing, eventually being pulled out only by the sound of the slow cooker beeping at me, telling me it was finished. I set my notebook down to get up, but as the beeping finished, Daryl came down the stairs, motioning for me to stay put. He looked clean as a whistle, small residuals of water still dripping from his hair. He had changed into a long-sleeved black shirt that hugged his arms and chest perfectly and a pair of black pants. I bit the interior of my bottom lip to focus on the pain in an attempt to keep myself from blushing or from my eyes lingering for too long.

“Stay sat. Ya made it, least I could do is get ya some,” he said. His gentlemanly attitude surprised me. Just over a week ago, he would hardly look in my direction and was frustrated at the thought of having to share a house with me. But I wasn’t going to say no.

“Oh, umm, okay.” I sat back down on the couch, crossing my legs again. I watched him move through the kitchen, grabbing bowls out of cabinets and spoons out of drawers. I did take just a moment to check out his butt as he moved around. And damn, did it look good in those pants. I quickly averted my eyes as he turned around and came over to me, holding a bowl out. “Thank you.”

He handed me a spoon and took a seat in the chair adjacent to the couch, propping his right foot up on his left knee and letting his body melt back into the chair. I had hoped that maybe he would come and sit down next to me, but I didn’t blame him for wanting his own space to stretch out. And he seemed to have a rather large personal bubble.

I stirred my concoction with the spoon. This one resembled a chili of sorts, not authentic considering the variety of vegetables. But Daryl was right—it did smell good. I scooped some up with my spoon and blew on it before taking a bite. I was impressed with how tasty it came out.

“Told you. 98% success rate,” I said. I set my bowl down on the coffee table for a moment while I adjusted my body, turning so I could stretch my legs out on the couch and grabbing it again. “How was the hunting trip?” He seemed to be more receptive to conversation tonight, so I was going to take advantage of that.

“Went good. Caught a big sum’ bitch. Probly still guttin’ 'em up outside,” Daryl explained, “sorry. We’re eatin’. Might make ya squeamish.” I laughed mid-bite and almost spit my food out.

“I’m a surgeon, Daryl. Nothing makes me squeamish. But I appreciate the consideration.”

“How’d ya sleep while I was away?” he asked. I thought it was nice that he was asking, wanting to know that I was still ok even when he wasn’t coming to check on me. Nice, but it also confused me. He didn’t seem to be the type to…I don’t know, ask questions like that? He was so cold and calloused towards everyone, me included. But right now, Daryl was warm, and dare I say, sweet.

“Alright I guess. The nightmares are getting more…vivid.” I immediately felt ashamed and stopped myself before I said too much “Sorry. I don’t know why I’m telling you this.” I stared into my bowl, stirring my food again, regretting what I had said.

“Keep goin’ if ya wanna,” he encouraged. I blinked a few times in surprise and looked up at him. He was looking at me, those beautiful blue eyes of his piercing through the few strands of hair that fell on his face. His bowl was in his lap, and it looked like he hadn’t touched it yet. I felt bad that he was waiting for me to finish talking because he was probably ravenous after his trip. But apparently, listening to lil’ ol’ me talk was more important than satiating his hunger.

“Umm…well they started off as just a blur of colors and physical sensations. And each night, something else becomes a little more clear. Now there’s sounds, but the visuals are still pretty fuzzy. I, umm…” my voice trailed off, and I felt small, a little scared even as I thought about how my nightmares were becoming more and more vivid. I knew what the nightmare was. I knew what it was going to look like when everything was clear, and that terrified me. I blinked a few times and shook my head a little to bring myself back to reality, and I realized I had started absentmindedly doing my little habit of scratching at my thumb with my index finger. “Sorry. Could…could we maybe talk about something else?” Rather than replying with a yes or no, he changed the topic.

“Ya likin’ it here so far?” Trying to shake the thought of my nightmares from my mind, I felt tears starting to well up in my eyes. I took off my glasses and rubbed my eyes, faking a yawn to make it look like I was just sleepy. I blinked back the last little bit of tears and wiped the sides of my hands on my legs.

“Yeah, a lot,” I said, putting my glasses back on, “everyone’s so nice. I had Maggie, Rosita, and Glenn over for dinner the other night. They seem like really good people. I like them a lot. It feels good to be around other people and wake up in the same place every day.” I looked up at him, his bowl still in his lap. “You, uh, you can eat. You don’t have to just listen to me yap on.”

“They’re good people. Some of the best,” Daryl said, ignoring my statement about him eating, “ya really on ya own ‘fore ya got here?” His gravely voice and cute little Southern way of speaking was a match made in heaven for my ears.

“I was. Gimme just a minute and I’ll tell you all about it.” I set my bowl down on the coffee table and got up to use the bathroom and grab my blanket. As I got to the top of the stairs, I heard Daryl finally start eating. And judging by the sounds, he certainly was ravenous. I grabbed my blanket off my bed after I went to the bathroom and came back down. I was gone for no more than five minutes, and he had set his bowl on the coffee table as well, empty this time. I sat back on the couch, wrapped up in my blanket, chuckling lightly in amusement. I met his gaze again to continue my story.

“Food was good,” he said, “ya should make it again.”

“If you insist.”

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

OC questionnaire

Thanks to @willtheweaver here and here, @mk-writes-stuff here, here, and here, and @somethingclevermahogony here.

I did Robbie, Gwen, Maddie, Noelle, Jedi, and Kelsey here.

I did Carmen, George, Akash, Sam, Lexi, and Ash. here.

Doing Gabriel, Carla, Parker, Rose, Alex, and Ewan under the cut!

#1- Gabriel

Did you have any formal education? If so, what was it like?

“I mean, I'm still receiving formal education, so your use of past tense is strange. I never attended Ceteri school. My parents raised me to know that I was Alii, and they always planned to send me over to the Aequales once I received my powers, since they were in direct contact with them the whole time. Ceteri school was counterproductive, so I was homeschooled until then. I now attend school in Alium. I'll admit, I do like it. At least, I do more than homeschooling from my parents. Not that they were terrible, but I don't mind more structure and people.”

What is your stance on friends and friendship?

“I don't know you, so I'm not going to explain growing up with no friends. I don't exactly need them, but it was boring growing up with no one else. I'll admit I don't mind the others in the Aequales, as annoying as they can be. However, they are decent people I enjoy spending time with. Niri is pretty great, actually. Jazlyn still babies me, which is a little annoying, but I would be lying if I didn't admit she is someone I consider a friend. Robbie is a little annoying at times, but Akash keeps him in line. I wish Wade would do the same for Parker. I have no idea how it took until last September for Wade to punch him.”

How would you describe your relationship with your family?

“My parents are my parents. Why would I not respect them? I don't see them often, but I'm following what they want. I'm making them proud. I have a decent job. I'm contributing to Alium as a terrakinetic. They are proud of me. I don't want or need anything more than that.”

#2- Carla

If you could have one wish granted, what would it be? (No wishing for more wishes)

“I would like to bring my parents back. I'd like things to be normal again. Carmen to talk to me more. I'd like to know my cousin I never got to meet. Oh, sorry, this is more than one. Um... The war. Yeah, I'd wish the war never happened. No, wait, the cause of the war: the prejudice of Inutilia. I wish that never happened. I wish we could all get along. Then it would be good.”

What’s your favourite music?

“I really like the different cultural music of each of the Sectors - I have to say I love Sector 3's music the most. Stefanija Lauwers is also a Sector 8 singer I really love. But recently, Tyler has gotten me into a Ceteri genre called 'alternative rock.' I can't stop listening to it - I've never heard anything like it!”

What’s your number one warning sign that it is not going to be a good day?

“How I'm feeling once I've woken myself up all the way. My emotional state tells me how I'm gonna feel for most of the day. Sometimes I'm sad for no reason. And then that's a bad day. When George goes off to work and instead of getting something done, I just decide that I'm going to experience time as quickly as possible until I can get to when he comes back.”

More Carla: empty Bingo

#3- Parker

What’s your favourite snack?

“Me. Cause I'm a snack - hey-ooo! Come on, guys, I'm not gonna explain that joke to you. Honestly, whatever I'm hungry for in the moment. Changes day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second, nanosecond by nanosecond. Anyhow, I'd like some Cheetos.”

What do you least want to hear when you wake up in the morning?

“'Oh, my God, Parker, are you gonna sleep in all day?' No, Mom, I'm gonna get up when I want to. Also I don't want to hear 'Mrs. Holliday just emailed me about your attitude and conductivity problems.' Mom, the bitch hates me. Let me sleep, Goddamn.”

Do you have a nemesis? What are they like?

“Yeah, he got interviewed earlier. Gabriel hates me, and y'know what, he's a boring asshole. He's been a boring asshole for years. He's a stick in the mud, and he drives me insane. Jazlyn, my girl, best girl, my badass idol, likes him. How? Jaz, he's so boring! You're the least boring person I know! What, you knew him for a little longer so he's like a little brother for you? Do what everyone else does with their little brother: dropkick him. Light his hair on fire or something. I take back my last answer - the thing I least want to hear in the morning is Gabriel Medina's voice. Every single practice, he's like 'Cassidy, you're an idiot, Cassidy, you need to stop, Cassidy, you're too chaotic, Cassidy, listen to me.' Go shove a rock up your ass, Medina. Robbie and Akash think he's worthy of a cute silly nickname like Gills. How dare you. Why not nickname me? I'm much more fun than him.”

#4- Rose

What is your favorite beverage for a warm summer afternoon?

“I don't think I could consider myself a true Texan if I didn't say iced tea. Sorry if that's a lame answer.”

What is something that keeps you up at night?

“Insecurities. Hope that helps.”

If you could switch lives with any one you know who would it be and why?

“Lexi. Her family is great, she has so many friends, and...yeah. Lexi.”

More Rose: OC in three

#5- Alex

What’s your favourite flower?

“In Alium, there is no way that it's not the hahkosa blossoms. In Ceteri, purple asters, obviously. I am so predictable. Purple is just such a totally awesome color. I mean, no shade of purple is bad. Not a single one. Every other color? There's, like, one icky shade. Purple is just objectively the best color.”

Do you like parties? What kind?

“Uh, duh! I love parties! Who doesn't? I'll go to any kind of party. You could say I'm the life of it! I prefer going with friends, just because it makes it so much fun! Dances are awesome. Just vibing to the music with your besties. Cannot compare to anything else.”

Are you hiding anything from your friends (I promise the secret is safe with me)?

“Oh. Well, I guess that I'm not happy at all times. I try to be. I love making others happy. I feel like I may be abandoning what makes me, well, me. I'm happy. I'm Alex. She's the girl who is the life of the party, like I said. I can't be anxious! [Pause] haha, well, who am I kidding? This has been such a fun interview! Thank you!”

#6- Ewan

Is there someone that you look up to?

“Jazlyn, in both senses of the phrase. She's taller than me, but also, she's just...don't tell anyone this, but Jazlyn is the most important part of my life. She has this super confident demeanor, but she's actually reflective. More than she lets on. Not that she isn't confident. She's the kind of person who'd volunteer at a magic show. She sits in the front row every time. She's the smartest person I know. Sharp wit. Great at everything it seems. Blunt and harsh at times, but she is never rude. Badass at sparring. She's made me more willing to take risks and get out of my comfort zone! I can't imagine my life without her if she never approached me five years ago.... *clears throat* Oh my gosh I've been talking too long...”

Do you have any trouble falling/staying asleep?

“When I'm out, I'm way out. Cause I'm exhausted. But falling asleep? Man, my mind is on so many things. My next music composition, Jazlyn, what and how I'm gonna train Lexi, homework, band practice, Jazlyn, the manga I was just reading, wait--I said Jazlyn...*clears throat again* anyway my brain is so full at night.”

Do you believe in forgiveness?

“Oh, 100%. Not because I think the person is deserving, but I feel sick if I don't do it. I can't move on. Forgive. My life has other places it would like to be than in the past.”

TSP intro

Thanks for reading this far! I'll tag @finickyfelix @ohnomybreadsticks @winterandwords @jezifster @jay-avian @kyofsonder @lesleymoonwriter @leahnardo-da-veggie @cowboybrunch @elsie-writes @atelierwriting + anyone else!

Your questions:

Do you prefer working on one thing until it's finished or many things at a time?

You are in a talent show! What is your talent?

How do you feel about your birthday? Do you have a best or worst birthday?

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

[beardeddetectivepaper]

€122,136/€130,000 ‼️‼️

Dear people with living pronouns.. Peace and humanitarian greetings to you. I am Rama, a cancer patient from Gaza undergoing treatment in Egypt. War and my battle with cancer are similar. The events of October 7 came without warning, and cancer struck me unexpectedly. Our loved ones and friends were killed and taken away by the war, so my baby girl died, because of cancer and chemotherapy. I don't know where to begin. We've spent a lifetime in wars, but this war is like no other. The building in which we used to live in Gaza was divided into two sections: one for my sister's Raneem family and the other for our family—my parents, and me. Our family home wasn't easy to establish. It took my family years to gather the funds, immense effort to design its furnishings, and an abundance of love and patience. As the situation worsened and rockets rained down on Gaza like never before, the Israeli army announced a ground invasion, instructing residents to head south "south of the Gaza strip". My family refused to leave our home, but concern for the children eventually forced us to flee to Rafah. We shared a house with a friend of my father's, but life became increasingly difficult. Food is scarce and very expensive, water was contaminated and almost non-existent, diseases spread, in addition to electricity shortage over the past months.

My family is in a very critical situation. Tasks are divided among us to sustain ourselves. My father fetches water -if ever found- from a distant area early every morning. He suffers from a back disc issue and has undergone seven surgeries in his life. He had a medical appointment in Egypt, but the war came between it. My sister's husband Ismael, who lost his job, searches for household essentials and tries to find canned goods and flour to feed the family. My sister wakes up early to prepare dough manually and bake bread over wood fires due to gas shortages and bakeries closures. My mother Ghalia, who had a brain tumor previously, could only sit and pray day and night. She had delayed her medical appointment in Turkey scheduled for earlier this year because of the ongoing war. Meanwhile, the children, who should have been playing and studying, spend hours searching for energy sources to charge our family's phones and small lights. Unfortunately, my sister's baby no longer receives sufficient breast milk due to his mother's malnutrition. This abnormal life became an unbearable burden on my family. My sister Raneem’s family before the war

Financially, we couldn't bear more losses. We lost three homes—two for the family and one for my sister. These were the assets we relied on. Getting permission to leave Gaza requires paying around $8,000 per adult and $2,500 per child. This process is a slow escape from death. You can't travel immediately after payment; you must wait about twenty days. These sums are far beyond our means. I still hear my mother's Ghalia voice in voice messages to her family abroad, saying, 'Pray for me, my house will be bombed. This house is my lifetime work.' My family invested their life savings in this house. With the war events, my health deteriorated, and the treatment was ineffective, forcing doctors to change the treatment protocol. They advised me not to expose myself to news and events that affect my mental and physical health as a cancer patient. After changing treatment and trying not to expose myself to psychological pressure, my health improved slightly, and the new treatment showed good results. But with threats of a ground invasion in Rafah, I try to calm my fears. However, time is not on our side. My family has narrowly escaped death several times, thank God. Your donation means saving my life and theirs. I have no life or hope without them, and they see me as their hope for safety. In the end, we ask for nothing more than our right to live. If you've reached this point, I want to thank you for your time and attention. With warmth and kindness."

*Campaign aim: - Collecting the security coordination funds to exit Gaza safely, ensuring the entire family's departure. Since the number of family members in the campaign is seven (mother, father, sister, her husband, and their three children), including three children, the total amount due is $39,500. - Securing a financial amount for temporary accommodation in Egypt until they can leave. - Covering visa and flight ticket expenses to the countries the family will seek refuge in, depending on facilitations and the opening of doors for asylum and residency for Palestinians. - Covering the medical treatment costs and medications for my mother, and the need for comprehensive examinations in Turkey to ensure her safety after the war. - Covering the family's living expenses until one of them finds work. - Obtaining the cost of psychological recreational treatment for the three children, estimated at $3,000 at a minimum. - Improving my mental health, which will subsequently affect my physical health and accelerate my response to treatment. - Establishing a start-up business for my sister's family, if circumstances permit, with a minimum of $8,000. If you cannot donate, please pray for my recovery and the safety of my family from war atrocities, and share my story on your social media accounts"

[khajiit-apologist]

like dawn

word count: ~1.3k

long time no see, I present a gorefic. no spoilers, just fluff.

They snuck away from the small camp they had set up. Leaving their companions to sleep. Earlier, Gore asked Samhain to watch the sunset with him. To stay up and talk. She wasn’t a talker, but she agreed. It was something she had probably seen hundreds of times, but for him she would do about anything. To him it was special. Something he took for granted, and now it felt sometimes it was the first time he had seen the sun in years. Back when they first met there was a sunset. He remembered that day so clearly. How it marked the end of his old life. It had been months, but who he was back then felt so foreign. He wondered if Samhain felt the same way. She was different too. More confident. The face tattoos she once had were faded, and her eyes seemed more alive. She kept her hair out of her face, and didn't wear a hood much anymore. She seemed happier too. She smiled more. It was the kind of smile that used her whole face, especially her eyes. Samhain never mentioned it but he smiled more too. It was rare these days not to see a small grin on his face when speaking to friends. How it got bigger when they started talking. Samhain was leading him to a spot to watch the sunrise. She found a fallen tree, perfect for sitting on, she thought. They were somewhere between The Reach and Falkreath, on a small hill. The stars still hung in the sky, and the moons were full. It was around there where they first met. Not just at the tower, but in the inn. She took him to Old Hroldan, where they talked through the night. She looked at the sky. It was still probably about an hour to sunrise. Gore most days couldn’t sleep so he offered to watch. Sometimes sit with whoever was on watch before, most times they’d end up falling asleep on his shoulder. He didn’t mind at all, if anything he was honored they felt safe enough to do so. Samhain never had. If they happened to be both up she wouldn’t say much, afraid of waking the others. 

"You know there's nothing quite like the peace before dawn. Just before people start to wake up." Samhain still gazing at the sky, the moons far behind them.

"Getting up this early was not fun. Especially when I couldn't sleep, seeing the sunrise sometimes filled me with dread." Gore shifted in his seat, there was a space between the two. 

"I can understand that. When I was younger we usually had to wake up at dawn too. Especially if we had to travel." She smiled, "Sometimes I would be so tired it felt like I was treading through water." 

"You don't talk much about your childhood. Feels like you know almost everything about me." He nudged her.

"Not much to tell I guess. We were on the road most of the time, doing jobs for the same kinds of people. Though I guess there were some things I miss." She started to fidget with the hem of her tunic. He looked at her, he could barely make our her features.

"Come on! There's got to be something. Tell me anything you wouldn't normally tell someone." 

Samhain could hear his smile as he spoke, which in turn made a small smile creep on her face. "Em ok, when we would be on the road for a long time I would make," she let out a small nervous giggle, "Flower crowns, or bracelets, or I suppose anything." 

"Did you make them for other people? Or just yourself." She heard him shift his body, their knees now touching.

Surprised by his interest she paused before answering, "No my parents would wear them, and if my cousins were with us they would sometimes too. But usually that was when I was younger. I would have made you one." She sucked in a breath, feeling her face grow hot.

"What flowers would you have used?" 

"Em probably…dragon's tongue. It's a bit tricky to work with because of it's size, but it's so pretty. They are my favorite." The sun started to rise, and she could finally see her friend's face. If only slightly. He had a soft smile, listening intently. No one had ever really done that. She looked away, feeling embarrassed again.

"Well if we find some you are making me one.” Gore spotted some flowers, getting an idea, “Any flower will do though, right?" 

"Yeah, some are easier than others but usually I can do it."

Suddenly he got up, it startled her. She watched as he walked over to some mountain flowers, picking a few carefully. When he got enough he looked at her, she nodded approvingly. "Here, should be enough." He flashed her a big smile, excited to see her work.

She took the flowers from his hand, "Are you sure? I don't know if it matches your…well you." 

"I'm sure! I mean no one made flower crowns when I was younger, so I've never seen one. And besides, it seems like something that would make you happy." He said it softly.

"Ok, fine. But it's been a while, so be patient." She flashed a smile.

He watched as she got to work, her hands shaking. They always did. Yet somehow she weaved the stems together without a hitch. It did impress him how she could do intricate things with shaking hands. His thoughts wondered, a part of him wishing he could hold them. Wondering if she was cold. Nervous? He didn't know. "Are you cold?"

"Not at the moment." She stayed focused on the flowers in her hands, "Here, could you hold your hand out and hold these?" He did as he was told, and she carefully laid out the flowers across his hand. He looked at her face, she had a similar expression anytime she was thinking hard. He noticed the slight blush on her cheeks.

"Are you sure you're not cold? Your cheeks are red." He leaned in.

"I'm fine." Her voice shook slightly, she turned her head, making him notice how close he actually was to her.

He shot back, "Sorry, I uh didn't notice." 

"It's fine." Their arms were still touching, something that she didn't mind. She smiled, and looked at him, "I hope it’s big enough, should be.”

He looked over the view in front of them, the world waiting in anticipation. Yet there was peace. Something he still had to get used to. He looked back at Samhain who was still idling away. A feeling swelled in his chest, one he wasn’t used to. “Samhain?”

“Hm?” She looked at him.

“Thank you.” He said simply.

“For what?” She cocked her head to the side.

“Just, staying with me. After everything. Watching this sunrise with me. Just being a good,” The word didn’t seem enough, but he didn’t know what else to say, “Friend.”

“Oh.” Sadness flashed on her face for a brief moment.”You too, Gore.”

His mouth felt dry, he’s said it before but it felt different, “I love you.”

The sun hit her face right on queue, her blush deepening, “Y-yeah, I know.” She smiled wide, “I love you too.” She looked down, “And here! I’m done!” She held it up for him to see before putting it on his head. It draped perfectly, and her face lit up.

“How do I look?” He did his best to pose, ignoring his heart that was pounding.

“Beautiful.” She said it genuinely, looking in his eyes. She hugged him, not sure what else to do. “Thank you.”

“Yeah.” He hugged her back. Both just sitting there, waiting for the rest of the world to wake up. He wished it never did, that they could just stay here. He closed his eyes, soaking in this moment, making it last.

[nerves-nebula]

I HEAR you about the struggle of having to re-parent yourself. Honestly 2 meals a day is a good goal, and like yeah people may judge you for not eating ""correctly"" but like.. food is food. You're eating food and you have access to food. Honestly I'd say the fact you can choose what you eat is a pretty big success

Remembering to eat and keep clean and all that is wayyyyy tougher than what people say it is. Especially when it wasn't taught. You working on and with yourself and trying is great. Might not mean anything but one neglected kid to another I'm proud of ya.



But kaerjgnakejrgn food is so complicated like ?? textures?? tastes?? actually making your body chew and swallow?? Growing up my mother went wildly from one diet to another and had me on them too. After a few years she got us both to do a "eating once a day" thing but if she got out of bed she'd eat while I was at school/away or in bed.

I ended up doing cooking in school once I could to get free food, jumping at any left overs and sometimes digging in the trash. Took lots of dares to get food, I'm very good at swallowing things whole to get over whatever it was I was eating. When/if my mom cooked it was literal depression era food recipes, minus boxed stuff 'cause it had "too much flavour" (sigh). (tomato or cucumber sandwiches anyone? literally bread with a slice of tomato inside. Salt and pepper was fortunately in the house but rarely used. The good old classic of sliced potatoes, frozen vegetables and ground beef cooked in water without anything else added.)



Anyways sorry for the rant. Basically food is more complex than how it's treated, and even if you aren't eating in a way that people say is "correct", you're getting food and have edible food available to you when you're hungry and that's a big thing. That's a success, don't judge yourself too harshly for learning something that others get their entire life to learn. There's no shame in catching up, your efforts are worthy of recognition

yooo wait this all reminds me that when I started high school I would ask my friends if they were gonna eat their food or not, sometimes I ate like 3 people's meals (just bits of other people's meals they didnt wanna eat like 3 extra apples or a bunch of celery and carrots) because I didn't know if mom was gonna make something I could stomach or not. It definitely doesn't help that I apparently have Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder <- fancy words for saying I'd rather starve than eat food with a weird taste/texture

my mom was really busy so she went from making 3 meals a day when I was way younger (i have the vaguest memories of eating breakfast and helping make pancakes) down to around 1 or 2

and my dad can really only eat one big meal a day because of his own childhood abuse stuff that happened so nobody really helped us get back on track haha.

OH YEAH and another funny thing kind of related to all this: when I started high school I was working on a story with a bunch of abused kids so I looked up symptoms of abuse and I just ended up collecting a bunch of screenshots that literally described things I was doing. at the time I was like "oh lol I'm abused?? wild anyway." cause i was kind of already aware but it's a little crazy just HOW many of the signs/symptoms I had hahafdsfsd.

as far as the 2 meals thing- that's actually kind of a side effect of a different issue where I can't eat around 3-4 hours after waking up otherwise I'll have really bad digestive issues. So uhhh no breakfast for me! It's way worse the earlier it is. Like if I have to get up around 8 AM there's no way I'm eating until around 11-12

ANYWHO. for what its worth, I value other neglected kids opinions on stuff like this a bit more than other peoples, so I do really appreciate the pride :')

[thatscarletflycatcher]

Please could you tell me all about your wool mattress? I looked into them a bit years ago (when I had chronic fatigue and was reading all sorts of scary things about the toxic fire-retardants in our mattresses we're breathing all night) but at the time I couldn't justify the expense, when my own mattress was only a few years old. Would love to hear why you love yours so much!

Where to start... XD

So, for everybody else that might not know this, in many places before the advent of modern foam mattresses, people slept in mattresses filled with wool, feathers, or hay. Where I live, as wool has been one of the main products for a long, long time, wool mattresses were the most common type.

(picture reference)

My parents' first home was a beach cabin, and we had wool mattresses there, which we left behind for the next owner when we moved; friends of mine that live on the countryside still have them in some places. So I had experience with them since childhood, and around last year, as I kept waking up with back pain every day, I started thinking more and more seriously about getting one, and earlier this year, after some research I found what is, to my knowledge, the only wool mattress maker in my city; so I bit the bullet and got one made for myself.

The saga of the purchase itself was something, because the shop was very folkloric, the owner a chatty old man who ballparked the cost of the mattress to me, and who also had on one of his tables something that looked like a wheel of cheese, but didn't smell like cheese but also didn't look like wood or a tool and I was too afraid to ask what it was. Anyways.

The cost itself in my case was around the same price a good foam mattress of the same size. The main difference that way is that a foam mattress will last you a decade, perhaps, a wool mattress can last a lifetime. BUT wool mattresses also require maintenance; you need to air them regularly (it will vary depending on the relative humidity of the place you live at, how many hours you spend in bed, etc), turn them around and flip them to distribute sinking, and because wool coils up, they need to be opened and the filling combed down and fluffled up once in a while (this also varies depending on your weight, hours spent in bed, level of comfort with flatness/stiffness, etc). Some say once every two years or so, it can be less it can be more. I think it is more organic that way, somehow (?) like how people joke about mattress stores being all fronts for money laundering because it is an item people so seldomly purchase, but when mattresses have maintenance, then the business does become sustainable. I digress.

So, experience these past few months: change of mattress hasn't really affected my fatigue at all, so probably the fire retardants are not relevant (wool itself isn't really that flammable at all without any additives, so that's still a pro if you are concerned about the fire retardant and other processing chemicals present in foam), but my morning back and neck pain is gone. GONE. And I sleep much better at night. You can feel the breathability of the material. Same with the support. The support of a foam mattress has a completely different tension. Think the difference of feel between stretchy pants and fitted pants that have no elastic component to them. The support is firm rather than tense.

Some people worry about wool attracting bugs, but I have never seen one of these get infested (?) so that's up for debate, I think. One pro of wool mattresses is that you can bend them and roll them up for cleaning and ventilation, but they also have the con that they are much heavier than a foam mattress, so I think if you aren't particularly buff, carrying a queen or king sized one from one room to another will require two people. The level of softness/stiffness of the mattress will depend a lot on the type and amount of wool it has.

I think I have covered all with this (?) If there's something else you'd like to know, please ask!

In general I am very happy with my choice and recommend it wholeheartedly to anyone for whom the pros as presented outweight the cons.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

The Spin Out

Fandom: Batman, DC Comics

Summary: Jason Todd returns to Gotham after three years for the final time to win enough money to pay off Sheila’s debts.

Chapters: 11/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Sheila Haywood, Original Character(s), Bruce Wayne

Relationships: Jason Todd/Original Character

Additional Tags: Street Racing AU, No Capes AU, Jason Todd-centric, Hurt Jason Todd, Bad Parent Sheila Haywood, Bruce Wayne Tries to Be a Good Parent, Bruce Wayne is Bad at Communicating, Bruce Wayne is Bad at Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, Organized Crime, Jason Todd has Trust Issues, Jason Todd is Not Okay, Good Person Jason Todd, Stalker Bruce Wayne, Secret Identities, Secrets, Angst

Chapter Eleven: Emergency Room

Jason sat in the waiting room, rocking back and forth as tears streamed down his cheeks. Miranda rushed in and looked Jason over. Blood and vomit stained his coveralls. “What happened?” Miranda asked. Jason pulled away and wiped his face as the tears kept coming. 

“I had to put him on my—. He rode on my bike. The ambulance would’ve taken too—. It would’ve taken too long,” Jason cried, “I didn’t know what else to do. He told me he felt like something was wrong in his stomach… I put him on my bike because he was crying. I was—. And we got here, and he threw up all over me and passed out. I don’t—. I don’t know what happened. He was fine when I got to the house earlier.” 

“Jeremy’s talking to a doctor right now. I’m just glad you were there. Did Ethan call you?” Miranda questioned. Jason shook his head. 

“I was on my lunch break, and I wanted to talk to Uncle Jeremy… Ethan was by himself when I got there, so I called out to stay with him. I’m sorry,” Jason apologized, “I’m so sorry. This is—.”

“You were there for Ethan when he needed you. If you hadn’t shown up… Michael, you did good,” Miranda replied as she took a breath. Jeremy entered the room and nodded at her. 

“Michael, you saved Ethan’s life today. Do you know that?” Jeremy questioned. Jason could hear the shakiness in Jeremy’s voice as he said it. “How long have you been here? We got caught up in traffic. There was a pile-up… How did you—?”

“I’ve been here for a few hours. Nobody’s telling me anything. I took my bike. I know you—. I didn’t think an ambulance would get here faster than I could drive… I’m so sorry—.” 

“He’s out of surgery… They said we can go see him as soon as he wakes up. I’m gonna go to the car and get you a change of clothes. Mine might be a little big on—.”

“Where are Mason and Lindsay?” Jason asked.

“I dropped them off at a friend’s. They’re alright. Let’s get you changed, though,” Jeremy replied.

**

“You should go in. He probably wants to see—.” 

“Jason, he’s gonna wanna see you first. Trust me. Ethan’s very particular about things like that,” Jeremy replied as he nudged Jason forward. 

Jason closed his eyes as he entered the hospital room, and Ethan smiled. “Hiiii, Cousin,” Ethan slurred. 

“Hi, Ethan. How’s it going?” Jason asked. 

Ethan lifted his blanket. “Well, I still have both legs. What’d they take?” Ethan asked. “They took something out of me, right?” 

“Your appendix,” Jason answered. Ethan poked his lips out and chuckled. “What?” 

“At least they left my index and glossary,” Ethan replied. Jason grinned. “I love you, buddy. Are you okay?” 

“I’m okay now,” Jason whispered as he sat at Ethan’s bedside. 

“Hey… Are you mad at me? I threw up on you… I didn’t mean to,” Ethan apologized. 

Jason shook his head. “Think nothin’ of it… Do you feel better now that it’s gone?” Jason asked. Ethan bobbed his head from one side to the other. 

“Ehhhh… I’ll be honest, all this stuff feels weird. Aaaand… I need to see my Dad before my Mom. That’s the order—. I mean—.” 

“I can get him for you—.”

“But, I don’t want you to leave me. I want you to stay, okay?” Ethan asked. Jason nodded as he opened the door. “Jason—.” 

“It’s okay. I’m not going past the door… Uncle Jeremy,” Jason whispered. Jeremy followed him inside. 

Ethan reached for Jeremy, and Jeremy kissed his forehead. “Hey, Dad… This is the ice cream surgery, right?” Ethan asked. 

“Nope. That’s a tonsillectomy—.”

“Boo!” Ethan shouted. Jeremy chuckled. “Dad… The kids. Where are Lindsay and Mason?” 

“They’re with Dr. Shannon,” Jeremy answered, “Mom’s gonna come in while I talk to your doctor.” 

**

Jason slept on the floor by Ethan’s bed after the hospital removed the drain and discharged Ethan. But, Jason woke up when Ethan got up to use the bathroom. “I’m fine. Go back to bed,” Ethan whispered. Jason shook his head and wiped his eyes. 

“I’m alright. I’m gonna get a drink of water,” Jason whispered. 

“You don’t have to sleep on the floor. The daybed is right over—.”

Jason pinched Ethan’s cheek between his knuckles. “I know where the daybed is… Maybe I sleep better down here,” Jason lied as he walked to the kitchen for a glass of water. 

Lindsay was already in the kitchen eating a cookie. She held a finger to her lips, and he nodded. “Can I have one?” Jason whispered. She nodded and brought him one from the jar. “Thank you.”

“Are you going to be here tomorrow night, too?” Lindsay asked. Jason shook his head as he took a bite. “Why?” 

“I have to go to work tomorrow,” Jason answered. Lindsay pouted, and he picked her up. “I’ll come back to look after everybody on Sunday night.” 

“Why don’t you come to live with us? Everybody wants you to,” Lindsay whispered. 

Jason set his cookie down on a napkin and kissed her cheek. “You’re just being nice, Lindsay,” Jason smiled. 

“Nuh-uh. Everyone wants you here for real. Ethan said so… And Daddy said he loves you so much. We all do,” Lindsay insisted. Jason frowned. The past three days made him feel so normal. The kids made him feel more like an older brother than a cousin, and Miranda and Jeremy were happy to have someone around to help look after Ethan post-op. Jason liked being there. He liked having a real family that made noise and argued and played and laughed. Jason might’ve been happy growing up with a family like that. But no… He couldn’t want anything like that. He had to go home eventually to Sheila. That was the plan. Jason had to stick to his plan. 

Jason finished eating his cookie and carried Lindsay back to bed and tucked her in. “I love you, Jason… Don’t go tomorrow,” Lindsay frowned. 

“I’ll call you at lunch tomorrow… How ‘bout it, Cousin?” Jason whispered. Lindsay nodded. “And I love you too, Lindsay-Bug.” He shut her door and returned to his spot by Ethan’s bed, and Ethan turned his head. 

“Jason, I was twelve when I had my first real crush. I didn’t know I liked her, but I always felt kind of funny around her… Like I couldn’t say anything without feeling dumb later. And I had nightmares where I embarrassed myself in front of her all the time. I couldn’t sleep, and I actually had a panic attack when I was talking to her once. It was awful,” Ethan confessed.

“Yeah?” Jason asked. 

“And I don’t know… Then, she asked me out, and I was a little embarrassed because I didn’t know what to say. We went to the movies and then to get milkshakes… And when it was almost time for Dad to come and get us, she kissed me… And it was like—. Hm… I don’t know. But it felt like everything was finally okay,” Ethan whispered, “Do you get what I mean?” 

“I wish I did… But, I’ve never had a crush on anybody before,” Jason whispered. Ethan sat up. “Easy—.” 

“I’m alright… You’re telling me, you’ve never liked anybody? Or are you saying that because you think I’m too young to talk to about that kind of—?”

“No. I’ve never even kissed anyone. I promise I’m not lying. It’s much more embarrassing to mention at my age that I’ve never kissed anybody,” Jason answered. 

“You’ve never been kissed before?” Ethan asked. Jason hesitated. 

“I’ve been kissed… I’ve never kissed anyone by choice. That’s different. Isn’t it?” Jason questioned in reply.

Ethan softened. “I’m sorry… Jason, are you okay?” Ethan asked. Jason waved his hands. 

“No. No, I’m fine. Really—.”

“It’s okay if you aren’t. It might have a lot to do with why you don’t have a crush on anyone. Do you not trust people?” Ethan questioned. 

“Ethan, that’s not it… I just don’t have a crush on anyone. I haven’t had that kind of time to have those kind of—. Why are we talking about my love life?” Jason uncomfortably laughed. 

Ethan paused. “I guess I wanted to know something… But I don’t even think you know,” Ethan replied. Jason frowned and lay on his blankets on the floor. “I shouldn’t have—.”

“No, it’s fine, Ethan… I just—. Hm,” Jason paused. “What did you want to know?”

“I wanted to know if you’ve ever been in love,” Ethan replied, “But I’m kind of sad now… I hope you get to be happy someday.”“Thanks, Ethan… But I’m happy right now. It’s been great spending time with you guys these past few days,” Jason replied. And he meant it… Even if he couldn’t have it.

[jodilin65]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 31, 1987 Tonight’s New Year’s Eve. Another year has gone by.

I woke up early and straightened up a bit. I changed the pig’s cage. They’ll need more food and sawdust today. I think I’ll buy them cedarwood. It lasts longer and smells good. I’ll be gone 10 days so it has to last. Crystal will feed them and give them water while I’m gone.

Speaking of Crystal, she is one hell of a good roommate. I only wish she was a little neater.

Kevin is supposed to drive Crystal and I down to Salem to see Tammy, but Crystal never came home last night. She’s probably with her abusive boyfriend, Mike.

We have a lot of fun together, Crystal and me. Last night she said, “I feel like I’ve known you for years.” I feel that way too. I just hope to hell she shows up to go to Tammy’s. I have a feeling she’ll forget. Maybe I’ll just go with Kevin, although I really want Crystal to go, too.

I wonder if 1988 will be my lucky year. I know, however, that this is the year I am going to hear out of both ears.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 25, 1987 Crystal has finally moved in. She just finished unpacking. We met at Dunkin’ Donuts and got to discussing my wanting a roommate.

Now she’s singing. Personally, I think Crystal has just about the worse voice I’ve ever heard.

I spoke to Jenny today. It’s her 23rd birthday. She told me of all the gifts she got from her family and friends.

I tried to get a hold of Mary and there was no answer. She’s just as hard to get a hold of as Emily is.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 19, 1987 At about 3:00, I went and did my laundry at the X, then came home at 6:00 and called Dad. He took me out to dinner at 7:00, then when he brought me home he came up here for about half an hour or so. I played Love Me Tender on the keyboard for him and made him coffee.

He weighed himself on my scale and said that it was definitely accurate and that there was no way I could possibly weigh 121 pounds. Then when I stepped on it, it said I was 111.

The people here are so noisy. I think I hear a garbage disposal running now.

Took a bath tonight, never straightening my hair. It looks ridiculous. Very curly.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 16, 1987 I'm currently waiting to see the therapist. My dad picked me up earlier today to exchange some pants I received as a Hanukkah gift at the mall. I've noticed my weight has increased and I now weigh 121 pounds. Last night, I had a great time at Tammy's. She, Bill, and their daughters gifted me a sleep shirt for my upcoming Florida trip. Additionally, my parents gave me socks, underwear, a comfy sweatshirt dress, a purse, earrings, a watch, a bracelet, a miniskirt with a matching shirt, two pairs of pants, a coat, gloves, and a scarf.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 14, 1987 Looks like I'll be pulling another all-nighter. My body always seems to prefer sleeping during the day instead of at night. Fran and Kevin came over earlier, and we watched a movie that was just average. Nothing too exciting. Tomorrow, I have plans to meet Jenny at Springfield Municipal Hospital where she works at 3:30. She's helping me with my grocery shopping, and I'll be giving her around 30 paperback books that I no longer want.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 13, 1987 Last night I fell asleep at sometime around 11:00. I woke up at 5:00 this morning. No noise woke me up. I just for some reason automatically woke up. Who knows why, but on weekdays when I have errands to do it seems I sleep all day, but on the weekend what do I do when there’s nothing to wake up for? Get up at 5am.

Hank from downstairs was up here twice today visiting. Once I asked him to come and look at the black and white TV. He says the transistors are gone.

Then he called up to me while I was dusting the bedroom from his bedroom asking me for aspirin.

Tomorrow or Monday I must get my Hanukkah cards and get my Christmas cards ready to go out in the mail. I also must mail Jo’s b-day card in a few days, too.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 11, 1987 Last night I didn’t get to sleep until about 6am. Today I slept till 1pm, got up, put up with the nervous bastard for a while then went to therapy. Next week is my last week with Trisha.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 8, 1987 I am currently at Dunkin Donuts and have had two cups of coffee, but nothing to eat. I have successfully lost three pounds. However, I have not consumed any food today, and I plan to continue this trend for the next three to five days.

On Tuesday at 4 pm, my parents and I will be heading to Tammy's for a Hanukkah gathering. I hope the experience will be more enjoyable than Thanksgiving, as I sometimes find my family's behavior to be frustrating.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 7, 1987 I had quite a long day today. I have been up since 5:15 this morning as the people upstairs on the 3rd floor were doing the 50-yard dash. I woke up to their footsteps.

At about 8:45 I left for the bus to go to the social security office. I also applied for food stamps.

At the federal building, I saw 3 deaf women signing and went up to join them. I also met a woman from Trinidad who has a deaf daughter. She wants me to teach her sign language. I gave her my number and she says she’ll call me.

As of right now, I am at Jenny’s keeping her company while she cuts carpet.

Jenny gave me a little scatter rug. She has some other carpet for me but she has to find out how much it costs before she sells it to me. I’d love some carpet for my bedroom and the hallway. I hope I can afford it though as I only get $474.49 a month between my two checks (Social Security and SSI). It’s so hard to afford to buy anything for myself other than just pay my rent and the bills because I get so little.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 6, 1987 Jenny and Jim were over tonight for a little while. Jenny got me this candle and potpourri that smells really nice.

Earlier today I went to the mall to do some Chanukah shopping. I got Dad Wynonna and Naomi’s tape, mittens for Rebecca, a coloring book for Lisa, a cosmetic organizer for Jenny, and placemats for Tammy and Bill’s table, and last, a bracelet for Kevin. I still need to get something for me and Emily. In case I haven’t already said so, Tammy is my older sister, but no one in the family has been in touch with our older brother, Larry. Bill is Tammy’s husband whom I never really cared for. Lisa is her daughter which she had with some Mexican guy when she lived in Texas. She currently lives in Connecticut. Bill and Tammy had Becky together and both are lousy parents.

Later…

I’ll probably be up most of the night since I slept so late this morning, but I have to get up early tomorrow so I can go to STCC and the federal building. I also have to have some blood work done tomorrow. Right now I am making some fish cakes but after they’re done and I eat I’m going to go over that form for financial aid.

On January 2nd I’ll be flying down to Florida to visit my folks.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 4, 1987 It’s been a depressing birthday so far. I am now waiting for Mom and Dad to come pick me up for dinner. Jenny and Emily, an old friend, totally forgot it was my birthday today. Kevin told me over the phone he couldn’t afford to get me anything. I did, however, get a card from Tammy who I’m sure won’t even call me. I also got a card from Jo. Jo’s an old lady back at the old apartment complex I used to live at. Her husband’s crazy but that’s because he has Alzheimer’s disease.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 2, 1987 I am now at the doctor’s waiting to be seen. The nurse just weighed me at 118½ pounds.

Nellie paid me $20 today and was on her way over to visit when I was on my way out the door.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 1, 1987 I am now at Mom and Dad’s doing my laundry. As usual, Mom is in her bitchy mood.

Kevin is definitely going to get his ass kicked the next time I see him seeing that he threatened me this morning. He should definitely know better by now, but seeing that he doesn’t, maybe I’ll have to hurt him.

I hope to be going to STCC for part-time classes in the daytime starting in January. Also the interpreter training class at night. I’d still like to tutor sign and try doing calligraphy on the side to make extra money.

I hope I see Mary very soon. I want the clothes back she borrowed. If she doesn’t have them she’s dead, just like Nellie if I don’t get paid tomorrow.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 1987 Well, today I slept very late again as usual. I was going to do my laundry tonight at 6:00 but Jenny called me at 5:00 and came over at 5:30 to get me and brought me to her new house. I helped her clean her bedroom floor.

I just went across the street to get Jenny and me some coffee.

Jenny’s new house, although it is a rental, is quite nice. It’s got 6 rooms and her bedroom is very big. It has marble floors and a sliding glass door with a porch. Lots of closets everywhere.

Right now she’s painting. She painted the walls purple and the woodwork white. So far she’s pissed because Warren, the guy she’s renting it with, hasn’t done anything yet as far as cleaning. I said, “That’s a male for you.” Males are slobs and hate to clean. They wouldn’t clean unless their lives depended on it but probably not even then. Males suck!

Yesterday I went to see Tammy. She gave me a lot of food and some money. Tomorrow Nellie is going to pay me or she has a broken neck.

I am listening to Jenny’s music. That is our only difference. She hates my music and I think her heavy metal sucks. The only thing we agree on is The Cars.

Last Friday was a bad day in therapy as Trisha came out and told me she was leaving. I balled my eyes out crying. She looked sad, too. She’s got a new job in Connecticut closer to her house where she’ll be working with teenagers. I’ll really miss her and I’m going to hate to have to start my whole life story over again with a new therapist. Don’t forget I’ve been seeing Trisha for a year and a half.

Mom and Dad called yesterday while I was in the tub. They’re coming home Wednesday to return to work. I can’t wait. I missed them.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 1987 I just finished my last cigarette. I want to quit. Maybe tomorrow morning I won’t wheeze so badly because I’ve only had one since about 8:15.

Tomorrow I must go to State St. for that volunteer interview for signing. That’s at 10:30.

Also tomorrow, Trisha rescheduled me for 1:00.

I hope I get some extra money soon so I can do Chanukah and Christmas shopping. I want to buy my own cards and do them in calligraphy.

I also want to buy a rod for the curtains I want to put up over the bars in the bathroom window.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 1987 I still have the flu and probably will for a few more days. Yesterday all I did was go apply for food stamps and then I felt sicker than hell. It seems I go crazy from sitting in here but then when I go out it creeps up on me.

I am still wide awake with side effects from my medication. I’m gonna tell the doctor that either she changes the medication or I don’t take it at all.

Later…

The bald eagle is here now and he helped me put up the hammock that Mary gave me.

I didn’t get to sleep till 5:00 this morning or possibly later. I got up at 9:00 for an hour, then fell back asleep at 10:00 and woke up at noon when Tammy called telling me about her nutty mother-in-law. This woman really sounds like a real psycho.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 1987 I did not go to sleep till 4:30 this morning and one hour later I woke at 5:30. I woke up nauseous then another hour later I woke up at 6:30 and puked. I guess I got the flu. I am going from hot to cold constantly.

I am now at Dunkin Donuts debating on whether or not to do my laundry. I really feel sick but I need to get the hell out.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 1987 I am now waiting for Shannon to call me. I hope she has some good news for me. I guess we are going to work out, too.

I hope I’ll have good news myself for Mom and Dad the next time they call.

Later…

Shannon and her sister Doreen just left. We had a really nice visit till the fucking male bastard walked in and gave his usual story of Hartford. When I told them about Kevin’s nervous disorder they laughed royally.

The prick male downstairs was in a huge fight with Mattie. I felt like going down and giving him a piece of my mind.

I don’t know if Shannon’s gonna move in. I hope so, though. She’d be a great roommate.

Tomorrow I’ve got to go to court for the stupid little baby pigs and watch them fall flat on their asses. Males! 90% of my problems in life are males. I gotta go call Mary and remind her. She better go with me tomorrow.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 1987 I am at Friendly’s now. Kevin started off in his usual fucked up nervous mood, shaking and getting all argumentative. He totally trembles with nerves every other time I see him! I’ve never seen anything like it. Does this have to do with the concussion he was hospitalized with? You can really see the nervousness in his hands with the way his fingers curl and uncurl.

Soon, I’m going to Food Mart and maybe Brightwood in Longmeadow. I need to get guinea pig food, cedar chips and a few groceries.

Later…

Well, the fucking male just ran out of gas again for the 4th time. God, I’m sick of his shit! I wish they’d commit him to a fucking loony bin. He’s a sicko! I hope the little nervous bastard eats shit and dies. People wonder why I’m gay? Then again, even if all guys were sweethearts, I’m attracted to women. Period.

I called Tammy, my sister who lives in CT, thinking tomorrow was court when it’s really Thursday. I wonder if she’ll drive up and go with me? She did ask for my lawyer’s name and number, though. I guess she feels better being there and that I’ll say the wrong thing if she’s not. If she doesn’t go I’ll have Mary go, but not the little nervous bastard.

I’m still here in Friendly’s drinking coffee till the little nervous bastard gets back from his favorite pastime - running to get gas. The fucking prick! Maybe he’ll fall and break a leg. Someday someone’s gonna do it for him if it isn’t me. I’m so pissed off now. That little bastard’s lucky I didn’t fuck him up.

I need to change the pig’s cage quite badly and vacuum.

Later…

Shannon came over and I think maybe she’ll be my lucky break. I hope so. I sang for her and played my instruments and she said, “What are you doing sitting around here?”

She says she knows some people and that she’s going to talk to some people about my singing. She says she knows some musicians and knows a girl who was talking about being an agent. She also says I may be her lucky break with the signing. She knows a few girls who need to be tutored. She and her sister are going to post that I’d like to teach signing on the bulletins at STCC.

We are going to be going to work out together from now on. She goes in this direction. That would be great. That way I don’t have to go with the little nervous bastard and take the chance of either getting killed by his erratic driving or him running out of gas. She is to be calling me at around 2:00 or 2:30 tomorrow afternoon. I hope she has some good news. Around 4pm we’ll be going to work out.

Too bad she can’t move in here. She’d be the perfect roommate, but I guess she wants her own apartment.

I called the book club and they said I have some books coming from the Mystery Guild. The other two clubs show nothing.

Later…

Just got through speaking with Mary, Doug and Kevin. Doug said he’d never want to be in the same room with me for physical fear of me cutting his cock off, haha. Good for him.

Can’t wait till I hear from Shannon and to get my books.

Tomorrow morning I’d like to go to the bank and then go to welfare and see if I qualify for food stamps. They’d be nice to have.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 1987 I am kind of in a bummed-out mood now. I feel a little tired and dizzy. I guess maybe it’s time to get my eyes checked. I know I definitely don’t want to wear glasses.

I think right now I’m going to take a bath and maybe listen to some music. I’m going to also watch the conclusion of that movie I said I saw last night.

Now for my good news. That Shannon C that I met at the gym called to tell me she knew 3 girls from STCC who are currently taking sign language classes and are very confused and need to be tutored. So I think I’ll be tutoring them here at home. Great! Extra money. I miss using my signing, too.

Shannon also said she wants to move out into her own apartment so I gave her Larry’s number. I wonder who will get my apartment and Nancy’s?

Tomorrow night at about 6:00 Shannon will be dropping by for a visit.

Tomorrow I hope Kevin gets his goddamn car fixed. I need to go grocery shopping and buy guinea pig food, and I’d love to skip the buses.

Later…

I just finished watching the movie. That was a hell of a good movie.

Jenny called today. She told me about her job as a nurse’s aide.

The day after tomorrow I must appear in court. I’ve been charged with making prank phone calls. I sure hope they dismiss it, but fat chance! Maybe I just won’t go.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 1987 Today I woke up kind of bored so I called Mary and spent the day at her house. Her brother’s a real bastard, and the nervous bastard (Kevin) ran out of gas today at Mary’s. I’m not staying at Mary’s for the night because John and her bastard brother Doug are going to be there tonight. I’ll just go home and clean the apartment. And God knows it sure does need it, too. I’d like to catch up on my reading tonight and maybe study some Spanish. I’ve missed all my weekend shows, though.

Later…

I am home now and have cleaned up. It didn’t take as long as I thought it would. I remember how picky and perfectly neat I used to be and I wish I could be that way again.

Right now I am watching a movie about these millionaires who committed murder. I think it’s over in a few minutes. After the movie, I must take a bath, wash my hair, shave and brush my teeth. I may read later, too.

I wish to hell I didn’t have this driving phobia I’ve got and that I had my own car or could just move to Florida because I really can’t stand Kevin. It’s a bitch when the one you need around to use for transportation is a total asshole. No luck, I know, as far as him moving. Well, maybe his car will break down or get pulled from him with that rejection sticker he’s had since April and I won’t give in to my temptation to call for a ride.

I was expecting Ma to call tonight but I guess not. She did say this weekend, though. Maybe she’s busy.

Later…

Mary’s bastard brother tried to hit on me on the phone tonight. He said, “I have a heart in me and I know you have a heart too, and I know I can change your mind about men and make you happy.”

No male is gonna “change my mind.” I want a woman. It’s what I’m attracted to.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 1987 Yesterday when I was out, Mom called and Kevin said a Karen W was to call me after noon which is anytime now to tell me what they have to offer. For some strange reason, I doubt this will be heaven. I think she’s trying to get me in some supervised halfway house or something. The last thing in the world I’m going to do is be a kid again on a point system with rules and restrictions where there’s no way out. I sure hope there are no nuts in this place. Or males. If they say you can’t smoke in certain areas or eat at certain times or want to know wherever you go, then I’ll know it’s Valleyhead all over again, a private “school” I attended from ages 16-18 that was total hell. I will not give up any of my freedom. If my parents have me walk into a trap again then I’ll know I’m still not the perfect daughter they’re looking for yet. Or maybe I’ll just give in and let myself be fucked over yet again.

Yesterday I told Kevin to stay in my apartment while I took the car out by myself. I did fine except for the fact that I left the lights on and needed jumper cables. So a guy in the parking lot gave me a jump and sent me on my merry way.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 1987 I haven’t written since Wednesday night when I slept over at Mary’s place. I am upset with her for not returning the $5 I lent her for dinner as she promised and have been broke all weekend. My checks were supposed to come yesterday, and they didn’t as usual, so I am going to talk to them tomorrow. They think they’re missing a digit in my account number, so the computer is rejecting it and the money’s delayed a day.

I still have to go to court. I didn’t because I have been too sick. I have a bad cold and now I know why last Thursday they said I had a high white blood cell count. I literally forced myself to work out today at about 4 PM and now I am sicker than a dog, but I needed to get the hell away. When I sit at home all day, I get very depressed. I will work out tomorrow, too.

Thursday, I was very depressed and was looking so forward to therapy, but Trisha was out sick. Debbie at the desk said she tried to call me, but I wasn’t home.

I invited Fran P, my old neighbor who used to live next to Kevin, over earlier but he was expecting company, so he’ll come over next weekend. I may invite Kevin over later but I’m a little sick of his company and I really can’t wait till I have my own car (if I can get over my driving phobia). No, I’m not intimate with either Kevin or Fran.

Later…

I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep well tonight since I slept late this morning. Oh well. I’ll probably read all night or write.

Tomorrow I’m going to go pay my rent and I want to call the bank and also go down there and see if they can figure out my checkbook. I fucked it up again with my shitty math.

I also have to pay Jean for those two singing lessons I took and I’m going to once again force myself to go work out. I need to get out and get the exercise, but I’ll probably feel worse after with this damn cold.

Tomorrow night mom’s going to be calling me to tell me about someplace in Florida she thinks I’d like living at. I hope it’s just what I need and want. She also says she thinks she can fly me down sooner than January.

I wonder how my birthday will go this year. It seems Dec. 3rd the day before my birthday always brings me good luck. In ‘85 I moved out on my own. In ‘86 I got my license. What will happen this year?

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 28, 1987 I got up today at 8 AM, made coffee, and listened to music. At 9 AM I was fully dressed nicely and then Kevin and I went to Friendly’s for breakfast. We are now going to the Fairfield Mall in Chicopee so he can do some inventory, part of his job.

I just got back from buying new kitchen curtains from Bradlee’s. Surprisingly enough I ran into Mattie I, who lives next door to me, working as a cashier. She helped me as far as measurements. Thank God for her as I would’ve gotten the wrong size. Kevin is still in there counting ties and belts.

When I get home I’m going to hang up my new curtains, then eat, listen to music and lay down till my 3:30 appointment. I have asked Kevin if he will go with me. He said yes, but Dr. H, my shrink, may say no. I doubt she’ll say no, though.

I am at Mary C’s for the night. She’s another old neighbor/friend. We are watching Halloween.

I see Trisha, my therapist, at 2pm tomorrow, then after that, I have to go to the post office for a certified letter and stamps. After that, I need to go to court to drop charges since Nellie paid me for the radio/cassette player her boyfriend stole from my kitchen. She also gave me $40 earlier this evening.

I hope that the medication for my side effects helps and that I stay feeling good that my bad times get less and less and that I’ll always be able to cope.

I also hope tomorrow I start receiving some of the books I ordered. According to Nellie, she hasn’t received hers yet and I would think she’d receive hers before I got mine, as she is a new member.

I think I’m gonna hit the sack soon. The only bad thing about staying here at Mary’s is that it’s freezing in here and this place is so filthy and smelly it drives me nuts.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 27, 1987 Springfield, MA My Apartment on Oswego Street…

NOTE: I wrote journals by hand from 10/27/1987 till 6/1/98 when I went all-digital. I have typed up all the handwritten journals, which I no longer have today.

Jenny C, whom I’ve known since 4th grade, came over at about 9:30. I’m 21, she’s 22. I was very tired when I woke up and I still am. The medication I got last night really wipes me out. It’s funny how some medications just don’t agree with me. She made us coffee and some toast. Then after that, she took a shower and I listened to music and then laid down for a while. When I got up I went to the mall in Enfield with Jenny and bought this journal. She wants me to go work out but I am just too tired. So, here I am in this mall just wishing I had money to shop with. I could really go for some new clothes.

When I came home I fell asleep till the mailman woke me up with a certified letter from the bank. Nellie R, who lives two doors away, owes me a total of $175 for having me cash those checks she stole that I didn’t know were stolen. She’ll be paying me $40 every 15 days. It won’t be for almost 3 months till I’m reimbursed.

I am going to tell the doctor that I want off this medication and I’m sure she’ll suggest something else even though I seem to have side effects from everything I take.

I am now at Friendly’s with Kevin T, an old neighbor/friend.

Instead of lying down I took a bath, washed my hair and put it in a ponytail with my new pink ribbon. I am wearing my sweatshirt dress which I just found the other day hiding way in the back of my closet.

Kevin and I are now talking about his kids and just bullshitting about odds and ends. He’s divorced, 45 years old, and his ex is down in CT. He hasn’t seen her or his two boys in quite a while.

I am home now and Kevin and I are watching TV as I sip coffee and write. Before, I was in the process of doing a major clean-up. I finished vacuuming and after my coffee, I must finish cleaning the bathroom and then dust and mop. Housecleaning is very tedious and boring but if I put it off another day it’ll never get done.

Kevin is going to go with me tomorrow to the doctor's. I hope all goes well.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 26, 1987 Read First! I'm moving this to the front of my journal even though it's actually 2023 that I write this.

Welcome to my decades of journaling! While I've always emphasized that I primarily write for my own personal expression, I do hope that my words may offer help or inspiration to anyone who finds them valuable. Throughout the years, my journaling has chronicled a diverse range of experiences, including moments of joy, sorrow, adventure, and fear.

However, it's important to acknowledge that some of my writings are controversial and, yes, have been perceived as hateful and racist by some. I want to be upfront about this so there are no surprises. If such content is not in alignment with your preferences, I encourage you to feel free to leave. Nobody is obligated to read my writings, and if certain aspects trouble you, please don’t torture yourself by reading.

Many years ago, I was victimized by individuals of different racial backgrounds who used their connections to law enforcement to target me in the name of revenge. This unfortunate experience, understandably, led me to express sentiments that some might consider racist. Much like how a woman who has suffered abuse may develop distrust or prejudice against men, my writings during that time were driven more by their behavior than by race or color. At times, I may have used racially charged language as a form of venting and provocation, knowing that it would upset them. But really, it was never about race or color. It was about them. But like any human being, I occasionally said and wrote things in the heat of the moment that some may find offensive. I firmly believe that while we can't make people like or love us, we certainly can make people harbor animosity if we mistreat them.

I also acknowledge that the younger, more naive me may stated things as facts that I honestly believed at the time were facts, yet may not have been. Not just regarding the welfare bums but things in general.

During this period, I shared excerpts from my journal with the individuals involved, which they later termed as stalking, despite the fact that I was only documenting information as advised by the police for potential legal recourse in the future. Nonetheless, I sent them copies as a way of venting when we moved (they lived next to us). Well, instead of doing the grown-up thing by not reading what they didn't like, they used it against me and I was manipulated into pleading guilty for something I didn't know I was pleading guilty for. I thought I was being charged with sending the journals but instead, it was supposedly a threatening letter. I did send a less-than-kind letter to these sickos but that was many years prior which led me to believe that someone else they pissed off sent the letter and they assumed it was me. Either that or their cop friend wrote it up and thrust it into my hands during interrogation to get my fingerprints on it when showing me “evidence” that was clearly falsified.

The point is that I lost half a year of freedom and thousands of dollars due to these people's vindictiveness when all I did was express myself. It may not have been in the way they agreed with and wanted to hear but they harassed me for years and I reacted. It was that simple. I make no apologies for anything I ever said to these people be it with my voice or in print.

And yes, I sometimes, in a fit of anger, said something to the effect of wanting to strangle, throttle, beat, kick, slap, or punch various people here and there. Like one sometimes mutters these things under their breath when pissed at someone, I vented in print. However, none of these threats, if you could even call them threats, are meant to be taken literally. It's easy to say we'll do this, this, and that to someone who's crossed us but unless someone's literally trying to harm me, my husband, pets, or property, I'm as harmless as a butterfly. This is a journal. Not a manifesto.

Whether it's common or not, I've had moments in life where I contemplated suicide or at least had thoughts of it, and that too has been expressed in these journals at times and is also not meant to be taken seriously in any way.

My journal is free to anyone who wants to read it but is not open to debate. In other words, I'm not going to argue about some stupid thing I may have written 20 years ago or something I shouldn't have said or done 30 years ago. We all make mistakes, and it's part of my life story.

I also wish to address the unkind things I said about my husband, Tom, in the 90s when we were contemplating having a child. In retrospect, we are glad that we never had children, as it would have placed a tremendous burden on both of us, involving substantial expenses and considerable work while limiting our freedom. My perspective at the time, based on my limited knowledge, was that Tom might have been intentionally avoiding climaxing during our intimate moments to prevent pregnancy. Subsequently, I came to understand that he might have been dealing with low testosterone, but he felt too embarrassed and shy to admit it or seek help.

In hindsight, I'm glad we didn't have children but wish I hadn’t gone through the depression and frustration I experienced during our attempts at starting a family. My earlier belief that medication was the answer has also changed, as I now realize the complexities and potential side effects of hormonal treatments.

Lastly, I want to clear up the thing about God and “Robin.” I was a very emotional person in my younger days and things were a much bigger deal to me than they ever would be today if I was in similar situations. I don't know if there is a God or not but as you'll read, I spent many years rambling about how God hated me and insisted he was controlling and cursing me and my life, and hey, maybe he or something else was at times. I don't know for sure but I do feel a little embarrassed when I read back on those times, LOL, even though we all do and say silly things at times. I just wanted to believe so badly that there really was a God that would listen to me and that cared and that would grant me any reasonable rational prayer I made. But most of my prayers have gone unanswered and I don't know if it’s by design or happenstance. I don't think any of us can really ever know.

Robin was an entity I believed - or at least wanted to believe - was supposedly like a guardian angel, on my side, there to help, to inspire and encourage me, blah blah blah. I don't think I can go so far as to say that Robin was a figment of my imagination and wishful thinking but I don't know that I really ever had this protective spirit hovering over me, especially since quite often things didn't go my way.

I never use real last names unless it's someone famous or infamous. However, I realize that some people may happen to actually have some of the names I've randomly drawn. If this bothers you in any way, don't hesitate to reach out to me (nicely) and let me know. Any threats or ultimatums will be completely ignored.

In summary, my journal spans a wide range of experiences, emotions, and beliefs, and I offer this context to better understand the evolution of my thoughts and feelings over the years as well as what life was like for future generations that may read my life story.

[recklessheart92]

Everyone leaves.

Every single one. It may take a while sometimes, but in the end the results are the same.

I think that’s why I hide myself away so much. What’s the point in trying to get to know someone new, to branch out and “make friends” when it’s just a waste of time ultimately anyway?

I can’t remember the last time I was actually invited anywhere. It was always my idea, not anyone else’s. Am I too weird? Am I boring? Am I not smart enough?

I feel like I am just being used at this point. You know when I hear from “friends” here? When they need my camera to benefit them. Any other time, it’s left on read with no response. Sometimes even multiple messages. And this is all from people who are always on their phone. Maybe that’s why I cling to mine so tightly? Because if people are liking/commenting on my social media, then I don’t feel so alone. I wonder what would happen if I just deleted the entire thing… would anyone even notice? With the way everything else has been my life, my guess would be no.

Maybe that’s why I like drama online… I feel included. People agree with me most of the time, so that feeling of “they like me!” lasts for a few moments, then I remember they’re just all internet strangers who don’t actually give a fuck. They’re just upvoting like minded people, basically.

I feel like, aside from my camera, I have nothing to offer people. I used to think people liked me for me, but I have come to the conclusion that it was only for my body. Once I got married, my male friends basically fell of the face of the planet. The ones who didn’t don’t have any respect. They’re not people I want in my life. Just more of the same… users who don’t like me for me. The shitty thing is, now that I’ve gained a ton of weight, I feel like I have even fewer people in my corner.

The friends I have back home are more peers than anything. We can’t just hang out, it’s always talk about work.

Marc hasn’t talked to me much today. I feel like more of an inconvenience recently. I was gone for 5 hours for work earlier and just nothing. I know he was upset that I nagged about the things that hadn’t been done around the house. He quit everything he was doing to rage clean. Even after, for nearly 3 hours, no talking. He eventually said he loved me, but now he’s snoring away and I’m hiding in the bathroom crying quietly as to not wake him up. He already doesn’t sleep enough.

My mother and I are fighting. Again. It’s a monthly thing at this point. She’s always dismissing the pain and trauma I went through as a child. The constant gaslighting of, “you’re remembering it wrong”, and “that never happened” mixed with guilt trips of “If I’m such a terrible person, why the fuck do you even speak to me anymore?” It’s always about her image, never my pain. I don’t feel like she even sticks around for me… it’s for the kids. You know how shitty it feels for your own mother to betray you over and over and over again? You’d think I would be used to it by now… 5 fucking years of it. But no… it hurts more every time. I should see it coming, but it still manages to shock me every time. The most recent fight was about how I lost all this weight in high school because my parents paid tithing first before any other bills. We scraped by with what was left. I think she was in denial that we were poor… but I remember the way you could make a gallon of milk last longer if you added tap water to it; I remember the thick, manufactured taste of the instant potatoes because we couldn’t buy real ones; I remember the dinners that consisted of peanut butter & jelly with ramen noodles; I remember losing nearly 13 lbs in less than a year… and as a 5’0 tall female, it was a lot. I dropped to just above 90lbs. I hate looking back at myself then… I looked sickly. I hated my body and how frail I looked. But it didn’t happen, right?

I feel like my own sisters don’t even want me included. When I was going to commit suicide in December, they called the cops on me. Welfare check, they said. I’ve been screaming for help for a long time now. But they just thought I was crazy. They wanted the cops to take me away. The level of hurt was something I didn’t know I could feel, especially from them. I told them all the things that would help and when I asked the for it, they said no.

I feel so alone here. So alone.

I’m tired of crying in the dark. I’m tired of feeling so secluded.

I think the reason I like to hide in closets and small spaces when I’m hurting is that it feels like the room is hugging me. I’m safe in my own little space. I want to be in the closet right now, but it’s really cold in the room. So instead I will sit in this massive bed while my husband stays on his side snoring. The tears on my cheeks are drying up, but it’s because I can only give myself so long to grieve… then I just need to get over it.

Except tonight I am hurting really bad.

I am 3 edibles deep and don’t feel shit. I just wish I could be high out of my mind right now. It’s been 5 hours since the first two, about 2 hours for the second. Nothing.

I just want my brain to shut off the hurt.

[lonelypond]

Parent Trap, Ch. 17

NozoEli, Nico Eli friendship, 600 words, 17/?

A brief interlude with Eli.

Family

“Nozomi?!?!!” Eli called out, still half asleep, startled awake by something. She’d fallen asleep on the couch again, just letting the evening continue, watching some show she had no active memory of, avoiding her shared bed with Nozomi.

Ringtone. Phone. Nico’s tone. Eli grabbed her phone. Was something wrong? Had Nico had a relapse? Had Maki’s mother grandparent-napped Dia?

A picture. Nico’s bedroom. Maki, sleeping in a rocking chair next to a crib.

N: Do I really get this?

E: ?!?

N: Nico woke you up. Are you on the couch again(ᴗ˳ᴗ)zzZ?

E: Yes.

N:

N: Make up with your wife.

E: We’re okay.

N: You’re on the couch.

E: I sneak into bed before the twins wake up.

N: Very grown up of you, Eli, sneaking around so your CHILDREN don’t catch you (☉_☉).

E: haha. You’re still mad at Nozomi.

N: Nico will be furious for years, but she’s not my wife and the mother of my children.

E: Yeah.

N: Turns out Nishikino Maki ෆ(╹ᴗ╹)ෆ is the mother of my children.

E: Just the one.

N: Nico hadn’t even gotten started and…

Another picture of Maki and Dia, taken earlier in the day.

N: So imagine what happens if Nico actually tries ☆（ゝ‿∂）

E: You’re feeling better.

N: Nico is feeling like a half full Nico sized glass; haven’t coughed in hours, sinuses have room for air, nobody left a car on Nico’s chest.

N: Maybe you’re not bad at this doctoring stuff. Although, we made great music but Nico had to give you up to medicine. You left Nico to all those lonely tours.

E: I hated not sleeping in my own bed.

Nico sent a selfie with a raised eyebrow. Eli giggled.

E: Nozomi stepped over a line. I trust her. That she went behind my back and violated everyone’s privacy, it’s like a splinter, I always know it happened. And so I can’t go to sleep.

N: She’s always been Nozy (┛’Д’)┛彡┻━┻.

E: Yes. And I love that about her. But this, this hurt you. And Maki.

E: And I love you and Maki.

N: And you love your wife. It’s okay, Eli. Nico will hold a quiet grudge. Not against you.

E: No, Nico, it’s not.

E: But it’s not your problem. Why are we texting at 4:21 a.m?

N: Nico missed you?

E: Nico.

N: Do I really get this, Eli? Maki, Dia, this

N: warmth ﾟ:･*･:(๑ᵔᴗᵔ)･:*:･ﾟ?

E: Maki’s there. Dia’s there. So yes.

N: It’s not just a dream?

E: It’s not just a dream, my friend. It’s a family. Your family. Treasure them.

N: Yeah.

Treasure them. Eli thought of all the nights when she and Nozomi had been waiting to hear that the twins would be theirs, how worried Nozomi was that someone would find a reason to take them away, that they wouldn’t be comfortable around her. The nights they spent after the twins came home, one arm around each other, one twin each in the other arm, just watching them sleep, watching them be. How no one but Nozomi could ever know what that felt like. Or how many tears of relief and worry Eli cried.

E: Enjoy your view, Nico. I’m going to bed.

N: Thanks, Eli. Love you.

E: Love you too.

Eli had someone else to say that to tonight.

A/N:

Time for a switch of perspective. Also, I love texting fics.

Happy Year of The Rabbit and Cat to all. May the good things and people find you in ／(＞ᆺ＜)＼ aBUNdance (≡ටܫට≡)

[animusxy]

Aemond Targaryen x Blind! Reader Pt.4.5

Summary: You and Aemond getting protective of one another when others in the Red Keep make snide remarks about the other.

Requested: I thought this was a great idea that was brought to my attention by @ateliefloresdaprimavera. I love this idea so much so thank you for coming up with it!

Warnings: None

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 3.5 / Part 4 / Part 4.5 / Part 5

So, this is how the reader reacts to someone insulting Aemond (and Helaena) behind his back while your around.

Throughout your stay in King's Landing, you were known to be an extremely pleasant person to be around.

Despite the cruel things people whispered about you, this was mostly gossip from the Ladies of the court who were jealous of your relationship with the second son of the king.

Your friendships with Helaena and Aemond were the highlights of your life at this point.

So naturally anyone who insults them, insults you by association.

It was no secret that people, mostly servants, whispered insults about the two of them.

It made no sense to you as Helaena was always polite and thankful to them for their service.

For Aemond it was more understandable, he'd built himself quite the reputation over the years, but he was still polite to workers, and women.

Often preferring to doing things by himself, he meant this so that the servants did not need to spend time on him so that they could focus on more important things. Like spending time with their families. You knew just how much Aemond despised absent parents.

However, the servants always took this as him not trusting them enough to handle his tasks. Well, you could see why in hindsight. Aemon was always very blunt when talking to people and it could often come across and uncaring and rude but it did depend on who he was talking about.

Typically, if one couldn't tell how he thought of you. Then it was neutral, he held no like or dislike to you.

If he didn't like you, you would know just from the way he looked at you.

Still, the callous words that people often sprouted towards them infuriated you to no end.

Apparently, Helaena's prophetic mumblings and Aemond's lost eye was too much of a challenge to look past.

So, you too, made a name for yourself.

A gentle, kind and caring person but if someone disrespected one of your friends one would very quickly find them repenting.

Even Aegon was not spared from your words when he spoke of his siblings disparagingly.

The first instance was about Helaena.

Some of her hand maidens, three you'd guess, were just leaving her room and while you couldn't see them you could hear their headache inducing laughter.

According to the loudest, they had just killed one of her most exotic creatures to see how she'd react to the news.

She didn't even get to finish her sentence before you were hounding them.

'Excuse me?!' The hour was early so you did not wish to wake anyone in the vicinity.

Thankfully Helaena had been requested by her mother earlier than usual so you could at least teach some insolent brats a lesson before having to break the news to the princess.

Oh, poor Helaena would be so heartbroken.

With that thought in mind you proceeded to quietly argue with each of them.

Now, a bad thing about being fully blind is that when you were in an argument with someone. There were times where they'd just quietly walk away from you because, well, it's not like you could see them.

But you were raised with parents and siblings who did exactly that, you could just tell when someone was about to try.

So, when the closest maid attempted to quietly step past you to escape your aggressive words you gave them a firm hit on the shin with your staff that Aemond had gifted you.

You were rewarded with a sharp gasp of pain, and they didn't dare try it again.

That staff was dangerous Aemond made sure of that.

Gods you laughed when Aemond told you to use it as a weapon if you wanted to but now you thanked him for it.

When you were done you gave them all a light tap on the head with that same staff as they watched in silent awe as they were patronised by a blind person.

(As many had often said your gentle nature came from the fact you were 'unable to defend yourself').

Then you had stormed off to the Queens Quarters where Queen Alicent and Helaena were conversing.

Queen Alicent had thought of Helaena's obsession with bugs as being unsightly or random when she was younger, often trying to ween her off of them.

As Helaena grew, her dreams grew with her and Alicent came to realise that it was not an obsession at all but rather something to release the strain of the horrible things she had seen.

She also came to realise that you too, played a similar role.

By talking about her dreams with you, something she only did with Aemond and sometimes Alicent herself.

She was able to further release the strain on her mind and relax more in her own skin as she knew that you would always take what she said in consideration and would try to figure out what she meant by certain sayings.

To hear that someone, or people, had harmed one of the few things that allowed Helaena to help live a regular life was enraging.

Alicent had pulled you aside to get the full story and the names of the handmaidens before the two of you approached Helaena to break the news to her.

The princess was reduced to tears and clung to her mother and her best friend as she mourned.

Helaena had a bond with those little critters that you couldn't fathom.

You weren't a big fan of them yourself, well only really the ones with many, many legs but you were willing to put that aside as you offered if she would like you to attend as she picked out new creatures to add to her collections.

Aemond also joined the two of you after you informed him of what had happened.

Adding in his own ideas of which ones Helaena should invest in, even offering to fly on Vhagar to get some exotic ones from Essos.

Helaena had brought the two of you into one large hug to thank you for your consideration.

Despite her innocence, she knew that not everyone would tolerate going on a trip for the day to bring back to the Red Keep.

The second instance was about Aemond.

And as always, his eye.

You were aware that people often talked about it, but it wasn't usually in a purely derogatory way like this time.

The lords had been speaking about how while Aemond may be good at sword-fighting, he would never be able to wed a woman.

That he was much too hideous for that.

Now, usually when it came to Aemond you would back away and do nothing.

Aemond would often tell you that you shouldn't put yourself in a situation where you could be put in danger.

He specifically meant men.

He would say that it doesn't bother him so you shouldn't worry about it but he was your best friend.

You knew when he was lying to you.

You knew that it sometimes kept him awake at night or bothered him when he was walking around King's Landing.

After all, why would he wear an eyepatch if it did not bother him in the slightest?

So, against his wishes you spoke up to the lords.

Stating that their children would be incredibly lucky to be wed to such a wonderful person like Aemond.

At first, you tried to be respectful but as they disregarded your words and tried to convince you that no one would wed him now you only got angrier.

And it showed.

The words you spat were unladylike and venomous, but you did not regret them in the slightest.

Later Alicent would give you her gratitude for defending her son so vehemently

Aemond would ask once again that you do not put yourself in a place where others may find reason to harm you.

However, he would be grateful nevertheless and gift you with something the very next day.

A new dress that he would describe to you with emotions or jewellery which he would explain the importance of the gemstone.

Let's be honest though. The jewellery and clothes probably matched his own somehow and he would have no shame in admitting that.

Tag List:

@daddysfavoritesexkitten @ateliefloresdaprimaveraera @tachibubuu @discowizard88 @claudiajacobs @ephemeralninon @microwaved-timmies @sagittariuswritings @are-y0u-sirius @icarusignite @grippleback-galaxy @random-human02 @liathelioness @mingiholic @poohkie90 @tea-effect @bb-swift @psychomanias @farmerpinkpie @mikariell95 @schniiipsel @the-fire-lady @sarah-l-whiteman @vainillasmil157 @landlockedmermaid77 @betterdaysobsessing @alexayoonlee @meilikki @elizabeth-or-lily @peaches-and-sunshine @kittykylax @thegreat-annamaria

Okay a kind of a smaller one in comparison but I'm writing part 5 write after this. Not sure if it will be done tonight though. If you have any scenarios you'd like to see. Just comment them, message me or send me an ask. I really don't mind how I receive them.