#as for their expandability. nothing (here) can kill them. and the corp is having a hard time finding much more use for them | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lrissa · 4 years ago

Text

You’re Easier To Kick When You’re Kneeling.

summary: you and eren were both titan shifters, getting your ass beat in the court room by humanity’s strongest

warnings: violence, swearing,

✧ ೃ༄*ੈ✩

“Good luck!”

Where the last words Hanji spoke before shoving you and Eren into the court room. Tension penetrated the air as the Survey Corps gave hard glares to the Military Police.

Spinning around you saw everyone looking to you and Eren. Embarrassment and fear crawled through your nerves, gazing to Eren as he looked just as afraid.

“I’m scared..” You whispered to the brunette, he turned to look down at your lightly shaking physique.

“We’ll be fine.” He gave you a small smile, his eyes creased softly, he wished he could reach out and pat you on the shoulder.

Straining yours eyes forwards you bit down your tongue readying yourself mentally. You noticed two long metal pillars beside eachother, gulping.

“Step forward.” An office spoke as he shoved the barrel of a gun into Erens back. Urging him forwards forcefully, quickly you walked to catch up with him.

Two officers pushed you and Eren apart. Snapping your head to the brunette, he nodded his head to you calmly, his eyes gave you comfort as the man shoved you to your knees infront of the pole.

Together the men picked up the metal and ordered you to place your hands stretched behind you, doing so they let the pole fall back into place. Having you directly connected to the pole and squatted down.

You hung your head low as the hair on your shoulders fell forwards to conceal your face. Your eyes had dilated and your body shook. Fear. Worry. Anxiety.

A door opened followed by footsteps and a chair scraping across the stone as someone seated themselves. The judge.

“Well then, let us begin. Eren Jaeger and Y/N L/N, yes?” He’d adjust his glasses and stare at the small paper in his fingers before continuing. “You are soldiers, sworn to sacrifice your life for the public good. Is that correct?”

“Yes, sir.” Eren answered as he stared bug-eyed at the judge, “Yes, sir.” You repeated after Eren and tilted your head up.

“This is an exceptional situation. The tribunal will be held under military, not civilian, law. The final decision rests entirely in my hands.” The white haired man looked from the paper to us, “Your fate will be decided here. Do you have any objections.”

Looking to the floor you squeezed your eyes shut momentarily, opening them wide again. “No, sir.” You and Eren spoke simultaneously.

“I appreciate your perception. I will be direct. As anticipated, concealing your existence has proved impossible. We must make your existing public in some form, or a threat to humanity other than titans will arise. What I will decide today is which force will have custody of you.”

“The Military Police,”

“Or the Survey Corps?”

“Then, I ask the Military Police for their proposal.”

Your head shifted to the Military Police, watching as a man readied himself before speaking vibrantly.

“Yes, sir, I am Commander of the Military Police, Nile Dawk, I will present my proposal. After a thorough investigation of Eren and Y/N’s body, we believe they should be eliminated immediately.”

Your eyes expanded as he said this. This man hardly knew either of you, not a single fucking thing. Your eyebrows furrowed into a scowl while your hands contoured into fists.

“It’s certainly true that their titan power overcame our pervious peril. However, now their existence threatens to spark a civil war. So we ask them to die for humanity’s sake, leaving behind all information they can.” He finished

Your stomach churned as he spoke, did everyone seriously wish you dead?

“There is no need for that! They are an invasive pest! They have deceived the walls that embody Gods wisdom! They must be killed at once!” A preist yelled at the top of his lungs as he pointed to us with crazed eyes. Freak.

“Preist Nick. Order, please.” The judge calmly stated before shifting his attention to the right side.

“We’ll hear the Survey Corps’s proposal next.”

“Yes, sir. I, 13th Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith, will present my proposal. We would welcome Eren and Y/N as an official member of our forces, and use their power to retake Wall Maria... That is all.”

You stared at the Commander, that’s all. That’s all? Yours and Erens life were on the line and he couldn’t conjure up another defense statement.

“That’s all?” The judge questioned suspiciously.

“Yes, sir. With their power, we can retake Wall Maria. We believe it is clear what our priorities should be.”

“I see. And where do you plan to begin this mission”The judge stated, “Pixis, the Trost wall has been completely sealed, correct?” He added.

“Yes, it can never be opened again.” A bald man retorted.

“We would like to set out from Karanes, in the east. From there, we will proceed to Zhiganshina. We will determine the route as we go.” Erwin confidently spoke as he stared to the judge.

“Wait a minute!” shouted a man, whipping your head over, “Shouldn’t we seal all the wall gates once and for all? The Colossal Titan can only destroy the gates. If we can strengthen them, we needn’t endure further attacks!” His planned seemed smart but there where missing pieces and it would most likely be difficult to achieve.

“Shut up, merchant dog!”

“With those titan powers we can return to Wall Maria!”

“We can no longer indulge your delusions of grandeur!”

Argued two men as they yelled at one another from across the room, ‘So annoying’ you thought.

“You talk a lot, pig.” A dark voice rung throughout the court, turning your head up you spotted Levi. Behind his tough physique he was actually a bit funny.

“Where is your proof?” Levi continued, “that the titans will wait while we seal the gates? The ‘we’ you speak of are only those you wish to protect, your ‘friends’ who help line your pockets. The people who starve because there isn’t enough land to sow don’t even figure into the thoughts of you pig.” Levi finished as you stared at him with wide eyes, was he seriously protecting you from the Military Police?

“We just thought that we could survive by sealing the wall gates—“ The merchant began, “Silence!” Yelled the priest beside him as he slammed his hand on the railing, nearing the mans eyes. “Impious traitor! Mere humans altering Wall Rose, walls that were a gift from God? Can you truly see those walls? Gods work far beyond human capabilities, and not understand?”

The rest of his words drowned out as your mind took hold, thoughts of the future plundered your head as you squeezed your eyes shut.

The judges taps of his desk brought you back to reality and you snapped your head up, “Silence. You may discuss your personal philosophies and opinions elsewhere.”

“Jaeger, L/N. Can you continue to serve as a soldier, using your titan powers to benefit humanity?”

“Yes, I can!” Eren spoke clearly, the judges cold gaze shifting to you, “Yes, sir.”

“But the report on Trost’s defense says this... ‘Immediately after turning into a titan, Eren swung his fist at Mikasa Ackerman.’” You sucked in a breath and looked to Eren, his eyes extended as he looked to Mikasa. Of course, he doesn’t remember.

“Is Mikasa Ackerman present?”

“Yes, that’s me.”

“You are Ackerman? Is it true that, as a titan, Jaeger attacked you?” The old man questioned her.

You sighed softly, ‘As if he can control it yet’ you thought angrily in your mind.

“Yes, its true.”

Gasps of terror rung throughout the court, all eyes falling on Eren in a deathly glare.

“I knew it... He’s just another titan.”

“What about the girl!” Another protested as your head whipped to them, sending a glare to them.

“But, on two previous occasions, Eren saved my life in his titan form. The first time, mere seconds before a titan would have had me in its grasp, he stood between us, protecting me. The second time, he saved Armin and me from an HE shell. I would like these facts to be considered aswell.”

“I object,”

“I believe these comments are greatly colored by her personal feelings. At an early age, Mikasa Ackerman lost her parents and was taken in by the Jaeger household.” Well haven’t you done your homework, you pondered with a small frown.

“Our investigation had also revealed a surprising fact about the underlying events. At age nine, Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman killed three robbers who tried to kidnap her.”

More gasps could be heard as the news entered their ears, you shook your head. ‘What stupid fucking evidence to have, like they had a choice’ you considered furiously in your mind.

“Even if it was self defense, I must question their fundamental humanity. Is it right to entrust humanity’s fate, resources, and lives to him?”

Whispering and arguing broke out between the different sides, turning their heads to their fellow comrades to spew hatred. What a loss. Losing to this mans ugly mouth. You hung your head and sighed quietly.

“So is she. Do we know if we can trust her!” Referring to you as he pointed. “That’s right! Just to be safe we should dissect her too!” He looked to Mikasa next.

“Wait!” Yelled Eren and looked up to the man, “I may be a monster, but they have nothing to do with it! Nothing at all!” Eren defended as you watched, his spit flying from his mouth as he spoke from his soul. Your heart clenching in pitifulness as you frowned sadly.

“We can’t trust that!”

“It’s true!”

“If you’re covering for them, it means they’re one of you!”

“No!” He screamed and slammed his handcuffs against the metal pole, looking down in defeat, “I mean, you are wrong. But you’re simply coming up with theories that fit, whatever it suits you to fit.”

“Eren..” You said softly as you stared at him, your eyes in pain for him. He was so much braver than you and it gave you courage to see him so persistent.

Looking up you began to speak, “Besides, all of you people. You’ve never seen a titan! What are you so afraid of? What is your point if you do not have the power to fight? If you’re afraid to fight for humanity’s survival then, help us!” Your voice getting increasingly louder as you glared at the pathetic people who called themselves the Military Police.

“Just shut up and trust us!” You yelled your last statement and looked up to the judge, your chest panting heavily as you meant every word.

“Weapons ready!” The Commander of the Military Police shouted while his cadet set his gun on the railing and pointed it to you.

Until your face snapped to the right and pain shot through your nerves, your vision blurred instantly. Metal was all you tasted. A tooth had even managed to fall from your mouth and rolled onto the ground. You blinked to dimish the haziness and looked to your striker.

Levi Ackerman

“Huh?—“

His steel pointed boot slammed across your face again. Your back slamming against the pole behind you. Blood trickled down your nose and down to your chin, dropping onto the floor. Your blood had even splattered small droplets along the stone flooring.

Levi grabbed your collar and shoved you forwards to him. The handcuffs clanging against the pole as Levi stared down at you, his frigid glare locking eyes with your beaten ones before slamming his knee into the side of your head, sending it flying.

Pain. So much pain. It was burning you alive from the inside as all you could do was endure it. Tch, this guy’s a dick.

“Y/N!” Eren screamed from the opposite end. Hatred and worry evident in his tone as he struggled against his own cuffs, “Stop it!” Eren attempted again as all he could do was watch his friend get beaten to the brink of death.

Levi continued to sock you with his boot, giving you zero remorse as he beat the girl below him. Mikasa glared and got ready to jump the railing before Armin held her back.

Blood streamed down your face, a large puddle had began to form under you. You gasped for air before Levi lifted his leg high and stomped down on your head into the puddle of your demise. Grimacing at the filth and pain, all you did was lay there. If someone wasn’t looking hard enough, they’d assume you were already dead.

Croaks of pain left your body as his boot remained on your head, struggling to breath as blood trickled down your nose and into your mouth, unintentionally swallowing.

“This is a personal opinion. But I believe pain to be the best way to train someone. What you need is to be trained like a dog, not a man.”

Your rigid breathes left your mouth as you stared straight at Eren, his eyes meeting yours as he seemed to become visibly furious. Bruised and cuts tracked your once pretty, soft skin. Blood now coating all the crevices in your face.

“It’s easier to kick you while you’re kneeling, too.”

Levi lifted his boot and slammed it into the side of your head once again, giving you no time to breathe he stomped it back onto the cold ground again. Repeating his tourtue when he kicked your head all over again.

Strangled breaths was all you could muster, along with the rattling of the handcuffs as you were thrown around like trash, filling the silence of the fearful court room.

Kick. Kick, Kick.

All anyone could do was watch your doom, “Wait, Levi...”

Your head was pushed against the pole with his boot flat on your face as he turned his head to the one speaking, “What is it?”

His boot fell from your face as you hunched forwards, croaking as you gasped for air, blood trickling down the sides of your mouth.

“That’s dangerous... What if she gets angry and turns into a titan?”

You slowly tilted your head up to Levi, hair falling away from your face and resting on your shoulders. The raven head stared at you for a moment, then shoved his boot back onto your face and slamming it against the pole.

“What are you saying?” Levi dropped his leg again and gripped a fistful your hair, violently pulling you to his face as your eyes struggled to remain open from extreme bruising.

“Aren’t you going to dissect her?” He dropped your hair and stood straight, peering down to your defeated and beaten figure.

“When she turned into a titan last time, she killed twenty other titans before collapsing. If she is an enemy, her intelligence makes her a more formidable foe. Still no match for me, of course.”

Levi gazed to the Military Police, “But what will you do? Anyone persecuting her should also consider that fact. Do you really think you can kill her?” Levi spoke cooly as he stood infront of you, staring you down.

From afar you heard others speak, but your heartbeat clogged your ears as it deafened any other noise. Staring at Levi’s boots infront of you, you noted your blood coating the bottom before gently shutting your eyelids.

You could only hear Levi as he spoke from ahead of you, “I’m certain I can kill her. The only problem is I doubt I can do any less.” Levi proposed.

Hearing the pound of the desk above you, the judge made his decision. But you’d never make out what he proposed.

Footsteps stepped back from ahead of you as new ones came from behind you, uncuffing you and lifting the pole.

You tumbled forwards onto the unwelcoming ground, cautiously opening your eyes to the glaring sunlight that entered through the windows.

Eren ran to you, crouching down infront of you as you saw him shout words at you. He picked your head up in his hands and cradled you in his lap, checking for your pulse.

Your eyes began to shut again, your head lulling to the side to spot the raven head. Levi stared at you from afar, his arms crossed over his chest. The last thing you saw was the ravens dark gaze before your eyes rolled and all you saw was darkness.

be real, we all wish we were the ones being kicked

#aot x reader #levi heichou #levi ackerman #levi x reader #anime gif #aot imagines #aot fanfiction #aot #levi aot #levi imagine #levi x y/n #snk levi #snk anime #snk x reader #snk #attack on titan

450 notes · View notes

lillytalons · 4 years ago

Text

How Many Suns to Know Someone

Read on Ao3

“General, sir!”

“At ease Commander. What can I do for you?” Obi-wan looked at the clone in front of him. He had the visor and pauldron of a commander, but no other signifiers. Standard weapons, stood strictly at attention, with his hand up in a salute. He lowered his arm but kept the stance, not at ease at all.

“Sir, I am assigned as your commander in the 7th Sky Corps.”

“Ah, excellent. I’m Obi-wan Kenobi. I assume you were just promoted?” Obi-wan tried to give a comforting smile, but the clone in front of him didn’t appear to react. He pushed the datapads on his desk away from him slightly to show his full attention to the commander.

“Yes, sir. I was senior commander of the 425th until CC-1104 died a few weeks into the war. I was promoted to commander of the 104th.”

“I’m glad to have you, we have a lot to organize and do. The war is picking up quickly.” The Commander didn’t say anything, just gave a short nod. “I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name, Commander…”

“CC-2224, sir.”

Obi-wan stopped a grimace from coming to his face, naming sentient men like units of droids was unfortunate at best, oppressive at worst. Obi-wan had heard some of the men use other names, but it was always at the edge of his hearing. In front of him the men always used their number designations or rank.

“Alright, CC-2224. Have you settled in yet?”

“No, sir.”

“Well, I can have someone show you to your quarters if you would like. Dinner will be in the mess soon.”

“I can find my way, General.”

Obi-wan nodded. “We leave at 0800 tomorrow. Briefing on the bridge at 0830.”

“Yes, sir.” The commander snapped off another salute and let himself out. Obi-wan sighed as he dove back into paper work, untangling the mess of the 7th Sky Corps was going to take an effort.

“Ah, Commander. Are we ready to depart?” Obi-wan glanced at the chrono on the wall and noted it was still 10 to 8.

“Yes, General.” Commander CC-2224 saluted and the stood stiffly near the holotable that Obi-wan had loaded with the overview of the galaxy deployment. It was still messy and overlapping as the council worked to load up fleets and organize defenses. The 7th Sky Corps was mostly in place, other than his still unnamed flagship which was currently above Coruscant where it had been waiting for him, his commander, and final stocking for part of the fleet.

“Good.” Obi-wan turned another clone on the bridge. “Depart when ready, Captain.”

Obi-wan studied the Commander across from him, but much like the day before, he had few identifying marks. His armor was mostly clean, meaning he either hadn’t been in the beginning skirmishes of the war or he was meticulous and lucky. Perhaps he had been stationed away from the ground fighting. He had the yellow stripes of a commander down his helmet and the sides of his arms. Obi-wan hadn’t seen his face yet, but as a clone there wouldn’t be much if anything to distinguish his face from others.

“Unfortunately, Commander, the others aren’t as punctual as you, we’ll have to wait for them to start the briefing. You are free to leave and return in a half an hour if you wish. I’ll be here running logistics I’m afraid.”

Obi-wan could see the twitch of his commander, clearly holding back a comment or question.

“Yes, Commander?”

“Where will the 7th Sky Corps be deployed, sir?”

“That is part of the problem. We don’t know. As of now, the 3rd System Army is going to cover a portion of the Mid Rim. The Jedi Council has asked my help in organizing basic deployment based on my, shall we call it prior experience. Within that, we have to deploy corps successfully, though some will be deployed with specialized goals, others are more general.

“Beyond that many of the armies and corps are in disarray with limited Jedi to assign and with my understanding there were many commanders lost in the battle of Geonosis. Another Master was given command of the Sky Corps temporarily, but was not as efficient as expected. It’s a mess, one that I could use your expertise in sorting through if you would be willing.”

“Of course, sir. That’s what we’re trained for.” CC-2224 walked closer to the map, studying it, and after a moment to let him analyze it, Obi-wan expanded the view of where the Sky Corp was going to be.

“When the others arrive for the brief I have information of specific planets we need to cover immediately, but we need a preliminary plan to move forward.”

The commander studied the planets and the few ships clustered in an unorganized and inefficient couple of groups. “Sir…”

“Yes?” Obi-wan raised an eyebrow at the clone, he could feel his hesitancy in the force like a stutter.

“What is the current plan from the Council? It doesn’t make sense for all of those ships to be so bunched together. They aren’t effective. Sir.” He tacked on the last bit, seeming to realize his blunder of criticizing commanding officers.

“There isn’t one. Master Vexa was sent to start organizing, and he had a commander to assist, but unfortunately they were sent to a skirmish in the Mid-rim immediately, and the commander was killed, along with other high ranking officers. Master Vexa was recalled to another unit when I was able to take charge of the army and the Corps. They never had time to complete organization of the Corps, and all of the officers left were equal in rank as well as not being Jedi. There was no one to truly take charge.” Obi-wan sighed quietly but straightened his shoulders, damage had already been done, it was up to him to fix it.

The commander shifted slightly and nodded after a very long moment to digest the information. “Yes, sir.”

“What about you Commander, you said you were with the 104th? Which Jedi were you with again?”

“I was with General Koon, sir.” Obi-wan hated trying to read the men through armor, there were very few ticks, CC-2224 hardly even twitched a finger. It was like talking to a droid. Except that most droids were idiots. He of course had the force, but the men were tightly controlled and quickly mastered their emotions.

Obi-wan started shifting ships holographically to new locations, slowly expanding the coverage. “And why was there a transfer, problems with Master Koon?” He kept the question casual, but he was curious. Master Koon was a very easy going and talented Jedi. Problems with him could be indicative of his commander. Though of course he was too easy going for some people. They saw his soft nature and assumed it meant lesser skills.

“No, sir.” The clone’s voice sounded even tighter than usual. “His chosen personal battalion specializes in flight missions. CC-3636 is better than me at leading and flying in those kinds of missions, but he was finishing specialized command training until last week. I was informed of my transfer to your command yesterday.”

“Thoughts on the deployment, Commander?” Obi-wan gestured to the holomap where he had been manipulating ships.

“The 4th quadrant is along hyperspace lanes leading to the Outer Rim, it would benefit from a heavier presence, sir.”

Obi-wan moved the ships without comment, studying the map again before asking CC-2224 another question. They continued working until the briefing where Obi-wan presented their rough plan to the other officers. The commander disappeared quickly after dismissal, but Obi-wan thought he sensed a quiet relief or pleasure when his suggestions were taken without fuss.

Obi-wan wandered into the mess hall, looking for somewhere to sit which was unusual for him. He often took his meals in his office, finishing work, especially focused on figuring out how to organize this war. Jedi were constantly being moved around as the council and other highly analytical Jedi assigned Jedi and clone officers, trying to match aptitudes, temperaments, and specialized needs. They were also trying to figure out how many Jedi they could afford to have at each level of the GAR. Many senior padawans were knighted in the first weeks of the war, like Anakin, but were still functioning under increased supervision as they started to lead men into battles. Obi-wan sighed as his thoughts circled these problems while grabbing his food. Jedi were not meant for war.

He sat near a group of clones, close enough to be able to talk to them, but far enough away to allow them their own space if they had no interest in engaging. A few clones in the mess had rank colors, but it was mostly a disconcerting sea of white.

CC-2224 sat down next to him, a slight buffer between him and the other men. Or perhaps a bridge.

“Commander. How are preparations?” They had been in hyperspace for 2 days and were going to be coming planet-side in a few hours, the men were getting antsy to do something more than chores around the ship.

“Almost done, General. We’ll be ready by arrival.”

“Good, thank you.”

One of the clones closest to them seemed to be full of nervous energy, tightly wound. When CC-2224 and Obi-wan said nothing else he finally cleared his throat. “Umm, General? Sir?”

“Yes, trooper…?”

“Stitch, sir.” His face got very red and he hurried to correct himself. “I mean CT-1655, sir.”

Obi-wan smiled at him, the smile that calmed down anxious padawans and bristling senators alike. “Do you prefer to go by Stitch?” The trooper nodded and the slightly tense atmosphere seemed to freeze as clones within several tables of them got very quiet. “Very well. What can I do for you, Stitch?” There was no noticeable noise but the room felt like it had let out a collective exhale and the noise level rose again, though not as loud as it had been before. Obi-wan was certain that many of the clones were listening intently despite appearances.

The trooper smiled slightly. “We were, well, I was wondering where you were assigned before us, sir?”

“This is my first true command, actually. After the Battle of Geonosis I was injured, as was my padawan. We were given leave to heal as well as dealing with Anakin’s knighting.”

“Knighting means he’s a full Jedi now, right, sir? So he’s a general too?”

“Yes,” Obi-wan explained fondly. “He has just been assigned to the 501st I believe. He is assigned to the Sky Corps, so we will likely work with him at some point.”

“Thank you, sir.” The trooper became shyer again and tucked back into his food. His bravery had influenced some other troopers around them however. Obi-wan could feel their focus through the force, though he kept his gaze mostly on his food so they wouldn’t be scared off. Another clone spoke up, not speaking directly to him, but not excluding him from the conversation either.

“Hey Commander, that’s the legion Rex is in right? The 501st?”

CC-2224 nodded. “Last I heard it was.”

“Is Rex another commander?” Obi-wan asked curiously.

The Commander shook his head. “He’s a captain, sir.”

Obi-wan gave a self deprecating chuckle. “I have many names to learn if I’m going to keep up with you troopers. Do you know all of the officers in the Sky Corps?”

CC-2224 gave a wry smile. “No, sir. Captain Rex was in many of my command classes. He’s an excellent tactician and strategist, a good captain.”

“Perhaps he will be good for Anakin then.” At the slightly wary look in CC-2224’s eyes Obi-wan expounded. “Anakin is a peerless fighter and excellent tactician. However, he can be, well, brash at times. Overall strategy isn’t his forte, so I’m sure the clones in his command will help to balance him out.” Obi-wan could still see some hesitancy even though the clones around him nodded and accepted his explanation. He suddenly remembered that their first commander had died in a foolishly fought battle led by a Jedi that the council quickly decided would be better under more supervision. A battle that had taken dozens of troopers needlessly as well.

“Anakin may be brash, but he cares deeply for those around him. He will listen to his captains and commander I am sure. He knows his failings, as all Jedi should.” Most of the tension faded at this pronouncement and lunch was finished with quiet conversations around them, though no one directly engaged Obi-wan again.

As they left to finish preparations, Obi-wan found himself walking with CC-2224 towards the bridge. Obi-wan thought to the several names he had learned at lunch, Stitch was the only one to directly introduce himself, but after that Obi-wan had heard several other names being used around him. He hadn’t quite assigned the names to specific troopers but he knew that would come with time. “Commander, may I ask you a question?”

“Of course, sir.” He was as stoic as ever, though wearing his helmet undoubtably helped with that.

“Is there another name you prefer to go by, or simply CC-2224?”

There was a pause, and Obi-wan wasn’t sure what pros and cons his commander was weighing, but he stayed silent. “Cody, sir.” He finally said in a release of air. “I go by Commander Cody.”

Obi-wan smiled in triumph. “Commander Cody fits you very well.” They stepped onto the bridge and someone shouted “General on the bridge!”

“Ready to get to work, Commander?” The chrono on the wall said 2 hours until arrival and Obi-wan felt anticipation go through him as Cody smiled tight lipped. He didn’t want this war, but neither was he willing for it to go on without him. His troops needed him to make sure that as many as possible survived by the end of the day. And now they could start being useful.

“Of course, General.” And so they got to work.

——

Cody grunted as he took a punch to the stomach, but he waited for an opening. When Crys swung at his head, he ducked under it and used the momentum from Crys to further imbalance him, ending with Crys on the mat, Cody pinning him. There was other noises from other clones as they continued training, shooting or sparring. But above that there was a single person clapping.

Cody and Crys looked over to the doorway where General Kenobi was standing. “Great job, Commander.” He stepped closer to them, and Cody saw he was dressed the most casual he had ever seen. Most of his robes were gone, he was just wearing base underclothes. Cody got off Crys and gave him a hand up.

“Thank you, sir”

“And good job to you as well…”

“Crys, General.” The General nodded and smiled. “If I could offer a suggestion, Crys?”

“Of course, General.” Crys straightened and locked his eyes on the General.

Obi wan stepped onto the mat and gestured to Crys to come closer. “Your punches are solid but you telegraph your moves, allowing Commander Cody to anticipate them. There wasn’t much you could have done once the punch was swung, but if you shift your stance like this,” he demonstrated it “you’ll be more difficult to imbalance.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Ready to practice?”

“Sir?”

Kenobi ticked an eyebrow up and grinned. “Well, the best way to learn is to do.” He clearly saw Crys hesitance and added, “You won’t break me, trooper.”

“Yes, sir.” Crys got into the ready stance, and Kenobi swung his fist at him at half speed. Crys blocked him and when he tried the same move Cody had done Obi-wan was able to shift away before he was thrown on the mat.

“Good. Switch.” Crys threw a punch and Obi-wan blocked it like Cody had. Crys wasn’t able to avoid the throw completely, but he was able to roll out of the fall before the General could pin him. The General immediately disengaged. “Good, more practice and you’ll be an expert.”

Crys nodded. “Thank you, sir.”

Obi-wan nodded at both of them and moved to a corner of the room. He pulled out his lightsaber and started doing slow sequences with it, avoiding the other clones training. They all looked at him, but quickly went back to their own tasks.

“You ready to go again?” Cody asked Crys. Crys nodded but then a look of confusion crossed his face.

“How did he know who you were?”

Cody was about to respond, but realized he didn’t have an answer. Crys and he looked exactly the same, in fact most of the clones did. Some had started doing different hairstyles within regulations, or even drawing on themselves every couple of days. Normally his armor or even the fact that he always stayed by the general identified him. But all of them were in blacks at the moment. “You know, I don’t know.”

Crys shrugged in that pragmatic way that clones have and fell into another starting position.

——

Pain. Pain surged through his face, his head, his eye. It felt like a knife cutting again and again, the pain fading for a part of a moment before coming back worse than before. He would not have opposed just passing out to have the pain end, but he was doubtful that would happen.

Voices faded in and out, yelling incoherence as his battalion continued to push back the droids. He thought he heard someone yell medic, but wasn’t sure until minutes later when fingers felt along his neck.

The medic started requesting help and Cody was about to help him by trying to sit up. As soon as he moved the pain intensified and Cody wasn’t aware of anything else.

He woke with the smell of chemical and blood filling his nose. He blinked his eyes open and though the bright light blinded him for a moment in one eye he recognized the medbay on their flagship.

Several clones had suggested the name The Negotiator and Cody had approved the name a few days before. When they got general approval from the GAR their fleet would be completely organized and operational from the clones perspective as well as the natborns. His men refused to consider the corps complete without proper names on everything deserving of names.

If that meant that the best working caff maker was jokingly called Jimmy, that was neither here nor there.

He realized his mind was wandering and pulled it to the present, just to realize that he couldn’t see out of one eye. His other eye was covered in bandages and he could feel the swollen and warm skin on that side of his face.

A face came into his field of vision, the medic, and he smiled slightly at seeing Cody awake.

“Ah, commander! Glad you’re with us. How do you feel?”

“Like a bantha stepped on me. Or like I got blown up.”

“Well you would be right. You were caught in the edge of an explosion and shrapnel hit your helmet hard enough to leave a mark.”

“How bad is it?”

“Well it missed your eye we think, so you should have full range of vision once the bandages come off. Unfortunately we found you late, and it took a while to get you back to medical, the droids were persistent. I’ll need to monitor you closely for infection. We got bacta on it, but it will probably scar.”

“That’s fine.” Cody tried to swallow past the uncomfortable dryness in his throat and the medic handed him a glass of water before moving on to help another trooper.

They pulled the bandages off the next day and Cody was relieved that his vision was fine after it adjusted to the light. The medics tried to get him to stay another day, concerned about other repercussions from the explosion but he overrode them both with his rank and the fact that he could rest better in his quarters. He only felt like a small bantha ran him over now, rather than the whole herd.

The general found him a few hours later, delivering more datapads. He passed them over while waving Cody to stay sitting. He leaned on the desk casually, like the first time in his commanders room was something completely ordinary. Jedi had odd rules regarding interactions with others, but maybe that was down to less rank and structure in their normal lives.

“Cody, I’m glad to see you are alright. My apologies for delivering more work, but the war stops for none of us.”

Cody hummed and accepted the pads with a shrug. “I understand, sir.”

“I have been in explosions before, they aren’t pleasant.”

“No. But I’m well enough, sir.”

“You’ll tell someone if you feel dizzy, a headache, any lingering side effects?”

Cody looked at him with a raised eyebrow. The way it tugged at his skin was odd but no longer painful. “I’m fine, general.”

“Of course,” General Kenobi smiled at him innocently. “How does the scar feel, do you need more bacta?”

“It doesn’t hurt,” which was true thankfully. He still wasn’t sure if Jedi could read minds, but the Jedi always seemed to know when someone was being untruthful. Whether that was the force or reading body language Cody didn’t know. “Might was well save the bacta, and the medic said more bacta probably wouldn’t help much anyway.”

“I see. Hopefully we all come out of this war with minimal scars, realistic or not.”

“Scars distinguish us. I don’t mind.”

“I hadn’t thought of it that way,” the General tilted his head in acknowledgement and stood, “I should let you get back to it. Let me know if you need anything, Commander.”

The Jedi turned back and Cody looked at him questioningly. “My apologizes for calling you Cody, Commander. I had no intention of being disrespectful.”

Cody was shocked at the apology, especially since he had given the general permission to use his name weeks ago. He hadn’t even realized that he hadn’t until he had apologized. “You can call me Cody, sir.”

“You may call me Obi-wan you know.”

Cody shook his head. “It wouldn’t be proper, general. And it would set a poor example for the men.”

Obi-wan smiled slightly at him but it seemed a little sad. “Very well. Rest up, commander.”

Later as Cody scanned the new datapads he realized that they were all low priority and could have been handed over by anyone. The explanation that made the most sense was general had come to check on him, using the pads as an excuse. But that was weird to think about so Cody pushed it aside.

——

“Eh, I’ll paint my armor one day, Commander, just you watch. You’re gonna turn around one day and I’ll have that commander yellow.”

“Dream on shiny. You’ve got a ways to go before you make commander.” Cody noticed the pensive look on the general’s face, but couldn’t figure out exactly what he had to think about. Maybe it was an unrelated look, figuring out battle tactics. Or maybe he was considering if the trooper would be able to be a commander. Cody doubted he would be promoted that far, possibly a captain but from what Cody remembered he wasn’t much of a strategist. Maybe that’s what the general was considering.

Two days later General Kenobi commed Cody to come to the bridge. “Cody, I would like your input on something,” He said as soon as Cody got to him.

“Sir?” The general started walking away from the others to give them some privacy.

“How effective do you think the paint for officers is in the field?”

Cody weighed whether to keep his opinions to himself, being critical of the Kaminoans never went well. But he wasn’t directly under their thumbs any more. “It’s effective for men to know the rallying point sir, if the officer is leading the troops from the front.”

“But?” Cody didn’t know if Obi-wan could tell he had dislikes from his tone or whatever force magic he had, but it was going to get annoying very quickly.

“It makes us a target sir. The droids are stupid, but not that stupid. And it hurts morale if the troopers can’t see the paint, whether or not the officer is down.”

“That has been my observation as well. Some identification can be useful, but everyone being in white is rather plain don’t you think?”

“Sir?”

“The Council and I are discussing assigning paint colors to units rather than as ranks. I volunteered us to be one of the units testing it.” Obi-wan paused, clearly waiting for him to say something.

Cody had no idea what to say. Did the General want his opinion on colors? His blessing? Why in the world would Obi-wan Kenobi need his approval? “Very good, sir.”

“I’ve had some idea for colors, do you have any opinion, Commander Cody?”

“No, sir.”

“None at all commander? Surely you have some opinion.”

Cody sighed internally. If his opinion was opposite Obi-wan’s it wouldn’t end well. “I’m not partial to red, sir.” After living with red clothes his entire life, he disliked the color almost as much as pure white.

“I was thinking a color similar to your command color. But I wasn’t sure if you were already tired of it. It will likely be permanent for the rest of the war.”

“I would like that, sir.”

“Excellent, I will order the paint and we can pick it up on our next supply.”

“Will other units be painting, General?”

“Yes, some of the other units working directly under the High Council. I think the troopers assigned to Coruscant as well.”

Cody idly wondered what colors the others would pick but pushed it away, he would see soon enough.

When they finally got the paint two weeks later the General handed him a small bucket with a smile. “I’m excited to see what you design, commander.”

It took Cody longer than he wanted to pick his design, but when he did he felt like his armor was finally his. He had no real interest in tattoos or unique hairstyles like the men were starting to do, free from the restricting sameness of Kamino. But his amor could never be any one else’s now.

When he walked onto the bridge the next morning, every trooper did a double take. He could see many of them trying to stare discretely. He kept his head high and his gait even like nothing was different or unique in any way. Let the men draw their own conclusions. They knew that they had received paint for the ships, but Cody hadn’t told them to paint their armor yet, and he was almost positive that General Kenobi hadn’t said anything either.

General Kenobi strolled onto the bridge and smiled broadly at Cody. “I like the design, Commander. It suits you.”

Cody nodded at him. “Thank you, general.”

They both got to work organizing troop movements, but Cody felt more eyes than usual following him around for days.

He was told to start spreading the paint, though they had a limited supply, so Cody focus on the captains of the battalion, then the lieutenants, then to slowly spread down the ranks. The newest troops wouldn’t get paint for quite a while, but that was okay. The term shiny was already being used because of how pristine their armor was and the lack of command colors. Now it was becoming an even more fitting name.

It was thrilling in a way to see some of the white fade as yellow/gold replaced it. The troopers started talking about what they would paint when they finally got the chance, and Cody even saw the hairstyles start to get more interesting. If they could be unique in their armor, it would make sense that no one would care about their haircuts.

Cody made sure no one grew it longer than regulation of course, but Cody thought he saw the General smile at one of the unique razor patterns he saw in the mess hall so he left it mostly alone.

Soon after all the lieutenants had their paint, Cody dragged him back from yet another canon blast, into the arms of a lieutenant, Wooley. Wooley shot a droid before it could shoot his General, and Obi-wan nodded at them while coughing the dust out of his lungs. “My thanks, Commander. Wooley.”

In another free moment they had, crouching under a barrier, Cody found himself speaking to fill the silence. “At least the paint helps to tell us apart, right General?”

General Kenobi gave him a bemused look. “Oh Commander, I don’t need paint to tell you all apart. It’s simply nice to see your individualities.” He poked his head up to check their surroundings and readied his lightsaber again. He gave that little smirk that always meant trouble and said, “Besides, all white can be a bit of an eyesore,” before jumping over the rubble and charging the droid line once again.

Cody didn’t know what to say, but since he had to make sure his General didn’t get blown up he didn’t have much time to worry about it.

——

Cody sighed and signed yet another form. He found himself glancing up every few minutes to check on the general. The general had been unconscious for hours now. The bone mender had fixed his broken ribs, and the lung had been repaired before anything lethal had happened, but Cody was still keyed up from everything.

Kenobi groaned and shifted slightly. Cody found himself almost dropping his datapad. He leaned forward and looked at the vital signs. He was no medic but between his upbringing and how many of his brothers ended up in the medbay, he could tell that the vitals were good.

Cody looked around for the medic but he was dealing with another patient so Cody decided it was probably better to leave them alone until the General woke up all the way.

The man who should still be asleep for another couple of hours started moving his mouth like he was trying to speak. Cody almost spoke before the general swallowed and tried again. “Evr’yone ‘right Cody?”

“Yes, sir. We lost a few men, but casualties were low. You’re the worst off, general.”

“…you?”

Cody felt a brow raise, the general was basically incoherent but why would he care so much that it was the second thing he asked on waking up? Not about the council, or progress of the campaign, or even how hurt he was. He asked about the men first and Cody second.

“I’m just fine general. You should rest.”

The ginger man nodded and his breathing evened out again immediately. Cody would be surprised if he remembered any of this when he woke up.

——

“Sir? May I ask a question?”

“Of course, Cody.”

Cody was tense again, like he hadn’t been in weeks. They had fallen into a rhythm with doing paperwork and organizing the army. But in the force he felt more like he did in the first weeks of their partnership than the familiarity they had fallen into. Cody met his eyes and slid his paperwork away from himself.

“How do you always know it’s me, sir?”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“All us clones look the same. You can sometimes tell us apart by armor, I always had command paint or 212th paint. But you recognize me when you shouldn’t. Even before I got the scar. You knew who I was when you were half conscious and not looking at me. I’ve noticed you generally can differentiate the men too. The Kaminoans couldn’t tell us apart, and no other natborns can unless we have obvious marks.”

Obi-wan felt a rush of understanding and sorrow. These men hadn’t had anyone outside their own brothers truly know them. The galaxy saw them as interchangeable and empty. That was the furthest thing from the truth but who would chose to see reality? “Oh, it’s quite simple Cody. The force.”

“The force, sir?”

“Yes, I can tell all of you apart because of your presence in the force.” Obi-wan hesitated, did Cody want the lecture on how it worked? Anakin generally tuned him out or only caught the ends of his explanations, unless it was something that he felt he needed to know. “May I ask how much you know of the force, commander?”

Cody shifted slightly in his chair, but his voice was steady like he was giving a report. “It can be used to move objects and people, including assisting in large jumps. You can occasionally sense danger, and your reaction times are faster than normal parameters,” Cody paused but added as a quiet afterthought, “There are rumors you can read minds and control them.”

So Cody knew what he could observe, and little else. “Very good. Your observations were correct, though reading minds is generally an exaggeration and outright controlling someone is impossible.” Cody nodded and Obi-wan knew he was storing the information away like he did enemy movements and battle maneuvers.

Obi-wan leaned back from the desk and crossed his legs. He collected his thoughts, explaining the force to someone who didn’t know anything about it or how it felt it was more difficult than even teaching initiates. They breathed the force, so while they needed guidance they could grasp the theory quickly. “Well, the force is the energy of universe. It binds everything together, and is contained in every living thing. Some living things can manipulate that energy, like the Jedi or the Sith. We can augment our physical selves as you have seen. It allows us to do the things you have seen like moving objects or cushioning our fall, but it is much more than that.

“Force sensitive beings can feel the currents around them, for lack of a better analogy. Some Jedi get premonitions, shapes of the future, events that are about to happen. Often we can receive warnings if we are attuned and paying attention. We can use the force to sense around us, like another sense. It is possible to sense objects, but it is much easier to sense living beings because of the way the force moves through them.

“I can sense each of the life forms on this ship and they are all distinct from each other. Does that make sense?”

Cody nodded slowly. “How do we feel different? We’re all the same genetically.”

Obi-wan hummed in thought. “Force signatures don’t rely on genetic code. It’s a combination of personality, experience, and the unique thing that makes each person. It’s extremely hard to describe, but it’s somewhat like the difference between voices. Well voices for non-clones I suppose. Perhaps like a visible fingerprint. Everyone understands it slightly differently, but more force users can tell the difference between beings through the force.”

“So once you meet someone you always know them?”

“It’s a bit like learning someone’s voice, you may think they are familiar after you meet them, but it takes true familiarity to recognize them. Some Jedi are better at it than others. And of course, it is often simpler and faster to notice those around us with the mundane methods.”

“Is there a way to trick a Jedi?”

“It is possible for some masters, but it requires use of the force.” Cody looked pensive but nodded again.

“Thank you for explaining, general.”

“Of course, Cody. I don’t mind explaining things, feel free to ask questions.”

They went back to their paperwork, but Obi-wan could tell Cody had another question. After a few minutes, Cody cleared his throat, “Sir?”

“Yes?”

“What do I, uh, look like in the force?”

Obi-wan smiled. “As difficult as it is to explain, you shine in the force, Commander. You are steady and decisive, confident and determined. You are light.”

Blush spread up Cody’s neck and on to his cheeks, visible even through the dark skin. “Thank you.”

He didn’t say anything else but Obi-wan could feel his quiet pleasure. Slowly and surely they were getting to know each other. Obi-wan felt the web of light slowly growing week by week that connected him to his men, and basked in it. Even in darkness there is light.

#my writing #obi wan kenobi #commander cody #sw #fanfic

49 notes · View notes

bellygunnr · 3 years ago

Text

Checksum

[Previously...] [Next]

Chapter 2: Profit Margins

PILOT ORVILLE FREEBORN MCS JAMES MACALLAN // TITAN BAY 4 EN ROUTE PLANET TYPHON, IMC-CONTROLLED SPACE

The simpod's indicator light winks green. Orville watches it, lulled slightly by the deep hum of the egg-shaped machine while his colleagues talked around him. They were clustered together, talking freely about the two men semi-unconscious in front of them, though he had long since lost the thread of conversation. He never paid much attention to gossip and he wasn't about to start now.

Besides, the rifleman wasn't that interesting. He seemed quiet and never looked anyone in the eye. What Lastimosa saw in the man, Orville didn't know. But Lastimosa had only told them what he was doing-- not why he was doing it.

The kid could be his son, for all he knew. At the end of the day, the lone notion of the kid simply became the Marauder Corps's worst-kept secret.

"Say, Freeborn," Shaver says, nudging his shoulder.

Orville starts, dragging his gaze away from the 'pod to focus on his mate, Crane. He raises an eyebrow.

"You think Anderson and Grenier are even alive by now?" Crane asks.

His tone is light and conversational. Orville hums, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"Sure, right? Why would they be dead?" Orville says.

He glances up at the crouched Titan behind them, BT-7274. It's focused intently on Captain Lastimosa, but he hasn't any doubt it's eavesdropping on them. Captain Cole has taken to opening and closing an electric lighter repeatedly, filling the space with anxious clicking.

"Apparently, the SRS outpost we had here went dark," Crane explains.

"So? That's just standard protocol. We've had ops like that more than once, Shaver," Orville says, gaining an edge to his voice.

"But this one just seems weird, y'know? Some backwater IMC planet, a mystery testing facility... Very hush-hush, I've heard."

"El-Tees Shaver and Freeborn," a deep, smooth, but still clearly synthesized voice erupts, "you are in violation of confidentiality codes regarding Oscar-Two-One-Seven."

Crane has the good sense to wince and Orville crosses his arms over his chest, rolling his eyes. For a second, he wanted to retort, but...

BT wasn't wrong. With Cole and the rifleman in the hangar, they really shouldn't be so loose-lipped.

"Sorry, BT," Orville says.

There's a pause as they both wait for a response from the Titan. Predictably, he says nothing, but the shutters in his optic suddenly twist, that blue pinpoint of an eye leveling on the 'pod. Orville, Crane, and Cole all turn their gazes to it, curious.

The green light was now blinking. It turns solid amber.

"They must be finished," Cole says.

BT-7274 draws itself to its full height with an abrupt scrape of metal. At the same time, the lights in the hangar stutter, plunging them in a half-realm darkness. Orville reaches for the pager at his belt, tapping the screen on, his chest already tight with alarm.

There's nothing on the pager. The lights flicker again.

"I thought they fixed this shit back at Harmony," Crane says.

Tai jerks to life with a start, the same instant the simpod beeps and pops its latch open. Orville turns to stare at a dazed Jack Cooper.

Alarms start blaring. Five pagers go off at once, shrill with the sound of a non-standard alert. The intercoms crackle, but it's not the ship's AI that speaks. It's the captain.

"All hands, abandon ship."

"Abandon-- but we haven't--?" Crane stammers, shocked. "What?"

"Get off your ass and go, pilot," Tai snaps. "Prepare for Titanfall, everyone. Rifleman--"

Orville hurries after Crane, where his Titan resides, already crouched and open for embarking. He jams his helmet on and flops into her palm.

He had a bad, bad feeling about this.

BT-7274 MCS JAMES MACALLAN // TITAN BAY 4 IN ORBIT PLANET TYPHON, IMC-CONTROLLED SPACE

The faux field BT-7274 finds itself in is reminiscent of the prairie surrounding much of the Militia's HQ back at Harmony. He takes it in cautiously, scanning the horizon for threats despite being fully cognizant of the simulated war fog obscuring the distance. A considerable distance away, Tai and the rifleman stand, both excited.

"That's my partner, BT. He's a Vanguard-class. Homegrown Militia technology... "

BT-7274 pushes himself upright.

"The first Titan chassis we designed ourselves. One we didn't have to steal from the IMC. Now, go ahead, Cooper. Call in your first Titan."

He flicks his gaze skyward to witness the sky ripple, a pixelated rift bubbling and expanding, spitting the under-rendered silhouette of a Titan-- a mere copy of himself-- to the ground, high-speed.

Before it can land, that rip in virtual reality explodes. The system error that rocks the simpod flashes in the corner of BT's own HUD. Quietly, he detaches itself from the program.

Titan Bay 4 is in chaos. Pilots and ground crew run between his legs, shouting orders and clambering for their gear. BT-7274 checks his own inventory compulsively.

"They're killing us down there, rifleman. Trying to, anyway," Tai says.

SHIP AI UTAH to ALL UNITS: ABANDON SHIP. REPEAT, ABANDON SHIP.

BT-7274 splays his massive hand out flat for Tai to step onto, cockpit already open, obscuring its vision. It would take them fifteen seconds to return to their ejection stall. In a few ticks, he was pulling sensitive information from the ship's AI and the MacAllan's internal systems reports.

"We're going to see a new planet today, Cooper. Maybe even die on it. I'll see you down there, alright?"

Tai settles down with a grunt that's lost in the din. He shuts the hatch before BT can get to it, but pauses, allowing the neural link to wash through them both.

"Transferring controls to pilot," BT-7274 says. "You know I do not like it when you say that."

Tai chuckles. "But it's the truth, BT."

"Again, I ask-- do you want to die on these planets?"

The conversation keeps its nerves, so to speak, steady, as they move with haste to their stall. The platform dips beneath BT-7274's colossal weight, groaning in protest as it carries them into position.

"The 9th Militia Fleet has encountered a formidable screen of orbital defenses. Apparently, two of our own have already been lost," BT explains, summarizing the data he'd just pulled. "It seems our intel from Anderson was wrong."

The ship shakes violently.

UTAH to BT-7274: GET OUT OF THESE CHANNELS.

BT-7274 to UTAH: I will soon be out of effective range.

Odd, that it's now that Utah chooses to stop BT from looking where he shouldn't. He extracts himself from the MacAllan's diagnostics.

Tai and BT-7274 hunker down and lock their joints for impending Titanfall. The automatic ejection system rotates them outward, even as another hit jostles the mechanism. BT shutters his optic against rapidly strobing lights.

"Please wait," intones a modulated, cheery voice. "Titanfall in 10... 9... 8-- 8--"

The hydraulic frame holding BT-7274 and Tai in place shudders, then appears to fold in on itself, collapsing the floor and pushing its chassis through. Coordinates, speed, and other targeting information flies through BT-Tai's head, coalescing into a single point.

"Well, that wasn't normal," Tai says cheerfully.

"Planetside in 17 seconds," BT states, splashing a timer in a corner of their HUD. "Expect heavy IMC forces."

CLAY NGUYEN CICHLID SQUAD, 34th DIVISION JUNGLE CANYONS TYPHON, IMC-CONTROLLED SPACE

Clay wipes the sweat off his hands and compulsively triple checks his station, useless as it was in the deep, suffocating darkness of the jungle-like canyon. He could see nothing beyond the loose perimeter his team had setup, a consequence of the moonless nights that had been become the new norm, as well as the lightning storms that started around the same time. But who was keeping track, really?

Not him, surely.

"The Militia should just hurry up and get here," his partner grumbles.

"Why? So you can watch the drones do all the work?" Clay shoots at her.

It wasn't like they were going to be doing any fighting-- not against ground forces, anyway. But they'd been here for hours already, since the sun went down, and had nothing to show for it.

That was fine with him. His team? Not so much.

A bright flash illuminates the darkness. Clay looks around for the source before finding the good sense to look up-- where a web-like pattern had flared to life, suspended and writhing miles above their heads.

"The anti-ship cannons," Clay breathes. "Jesus."

"Look alive, Cichlid," crackles their radio. "There's reports of Militia drop pods starting to enter Typhon. Look out for ships, too-- it's quite the fireworks show above our heads."

Clay can sense his partner starting to move, but he's fixated on the sky above. Pinpricks of light were rapidly exploding into white streaks that descended into obscurity.

"Archer's showing potential targets," Suvia announces. "Would you get off your ass already?"

She shoves his shoulder. He pushes her back, momentarily rankled, but hurries to where the second rocket launcher stood. The tiny digital screen offered several potential targets, but no locks.

"I think it's just--" Clay starts to speak, but a colossal, bone-shaking boom drowns him out.

His teeth chatter, then his world turns over, as four distinct booms impact the earth. It's all he can do to keep his grip on the Archer despite the hail of rock and soil raining on his position.

"Suv, you okay?"

"I've got dirt in my mouth!"

When the initial spray clears, Clay sees fire, smoke, and the battered, conical frames of drop pods. He has to remind himself that they're Militia. The IMC war paint was from capture and thievery, but only two had met the ground levelly.

The other two had smashed against the jagged rocks hard enough to ignite something in their internals.

"Some of the pods hit the rocks," Clay says tightly. "Shit, they're firing."

"They don't know we're here," Suvia says. "Here comes our birds."

He watches the Archer's targeting system instead of the evolving battlefield. He wasn't interested in the slaughter. He wasn't interested in facing a Titan, either, but...

The Archer chirps. Clay adjusts his grip on the launcher as it automatically adjusts itself on the tripod, tracking a blue blip in a sea of red and yellow.

"Titan," Clay calls. "Tone's good."

"Tone's good," Suvi repeats.

Clay searches the sky briefly. It's difficult to make head or tails of what he sees, but the enemy Titanfall attracts his gaze by triggering its Distortion Brakes. IMC technology again, a little voice reminds him.

The enemy Titan unfolds itself and sticks the landing gracefully.

Two Archer rockets zip toward it, trailing smoke.

#titanfall #jack cooper #tai lastimosa #bt 7274 #gunny fic checksum #gunny writes #many thanks to cbt for letting me yell at them about this and also proof read

22 notes · View notes

emotionalcello-makefanfics · 3 years ago

Link

Additional Tags: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, One-Sided Love, Romance, Canon Compliant, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, Kissing, Implied/Referenced Sex, Crying, Eren Yeager-centric, Sad Ending

Words: 6k

Summary: Eren has a dream that he will never live to see. So, at least, he wants to make this one small dream come true.

Eren has always been a dreamer.

Ever since he was a kid, he’d stare upon a wall and imagine the world outside. He’d dream about what he would do when he finally gets to go outside the walls. Armin would dream with him. The days inside the cramped walls would be a little brighter when he gets to dream of soft shredded ice falling from the sky and rivers of red molten rocks. The waves of glittery blue saltwater, the waves of green hills unending. To stand on top of the mountain and gaze upon the blue sky, seeing where it starts and ends in the horizons.

The dreams wouldn’t have gone wild nor wonderful had it not been for Armin. The naive creative boy that he always is, came up to him with big blue eyes filled with dreams that infect Eren on sight.

Looking back now, Eren doesn’t know whether his dreams had become everything he lived for, or a slow poison killing his insides.

Because all his dreams are dead the moment his lips met the back of Historia’s hand.

He grimaced at the memories. It took every will that he has to not vomit then and there at Historia’s feet.

Everything was never the same after he knew.

They ride out to the beach, and there it is. Infinite saltwater, blue as the sky, glittering in the sun. Yet he can’t feel happy about it, he had seen it with the previous’s attack titan’s eyes. The magic is gone before he gets to experiences it on his own.

His eyes stare longingly at the ethereal scenery in front of him, but all he sees is the enemy across the ocean.

Eren had a lot of dreams. Hopeful little dreams that all lead to one thing. He wants to be free. Free to explore. Free to be who he wants to be. Free to love. He can have none of those, because of the enemy that lurks behind the glittery waves.

If we kill the enemy, the one waiting for us on the other side, will we be finally free?

Not realizing that he said his musing, Armin steps by his side.

“I don’t think we can ever be fully free,” his blue eyes are as blue as the sky, as blue as the water. Eren wondered if Ymir put those eyes in him because this moment was destined too. “Even the people across the ocean aren’t free too, that’s why Grisha ended up inside our walls.”

Eren had fallen to a deep depression after the memories barged in, Armin’s words almost sealed him into rock bottom.

Almost, until Armin adds, “But we’re people. As humans we’re given a will, a choice to do things, even if there are consequences, nothing can ever truly stops us from doing what we want.”

Yes, this moment is truly meant to be, Eren thinks as Armin’s eyes filled with hopes and dreams, like it always meant to be.

“There’s always going to be enemies, Eren, but we worked our hardest to break out of the walls, and though we’re not fully free yet, we’re still rewarded.” Armin looks at him, and for a moment, the clouds parted, and it’s bright. Ever since the medal gifting, Eren had slowly ignored them all. This is the first time in many months that they meet eyes again, and of course, the hope and dreams latch on deep and rooting yet again.

“Right now, we’re being rewarded with the sea,” Armin looks down to the conch he’s holding, lowering it to the crystal clear water to sit in the sand. “We have big dreams, and it hasn’t come true yet, but the small dreams do. Didn’t we always dream to see the sea? Now we finally do, it came true. We broke out of the walls, the possibilities expand, there’s going to be a lot of small dreams coming true before the big one.” Armin looks at Eren with a mischievous glint, but Eren is too mesmerized to see what’s coming. “Like how you... can enjoy... a fist full of salt!” Armin throws a big splash of salt water on Eren’s mouth.

It’s so salty that Eren almost hacked his tonsils out. He doesn’t remember ever eating something so salty, ever. He used to beg his mom to put more salt in their dishes, but salt was a rare commodity and they’re far from rich. Now, Eren just had a fist full of salt.

Eren paused, and everyone’s stiff stares turn worrisome for him when Eren broke down into a manic laugh. As if the salt in the water isn’t enough, Eren contributes with his tears streaming down along the water in his hair.

Swimming in the clear blues, salty mouth, and vision almost whiteout by brightness, Eren feels like flying. He takes the saltwater and splashes Armin back along with Mikasa behind him.

Armin’s face broke into a wide smile and kicks the water at him. Eren gets completely wet, so is Captain Levi behind him. They all paled at the Captain’s scowl, but then Hanji squeals, “WATER WAR!”

And Eren will take water war over the other war he’s going to evoke.

++++

Small dreams

Or so Armin had said.

Once again, Armin filled him with hope. Maybe not all of Eren’s dreams are dead. It never occurred to him that he could settle for less.

Once upon a time, Eren dreamed of living in a cabin far in the woods. Where he can run and not bump into someone. Where he can breathe in crisp air instead of the damp breaths of other people. He dreamed of making a family in that cabin. Be in love, never feeling alone.

He had planned to do that with Mikasa. It’s so easy to love Mikasa, how couldn’t he? A stoic face that only brightens at Eren. She’s a quiet kid, but she shows affection with actions. Like how she’s always beside him no matter how petulantly Eren pushes her away sometimes. She’s distrustful but still trusted Eren the most. Her smiles are rare, but when she does, it’s always for Eren. It’s endearing.

Also, she’s beautiful. She doesn’t realize it and Eren sometimes wants to scream at her. But Eren never said anything to her, never admitted out loud. He knows since the day he met her that Mikasa is special. She’s calm, collected, mature and so strong. Eren never gets why she loves him, but Eren is afraid if she realized how special she is then she wouldn’t choose the lame, regular, non-special Eren.

But he wants her. He promised himself if the war is over then he’d confess his feelings to her and just... love her.

Eren wants to feel loved, to be loved, to be wanted and cherished. Wants all the romantical shit with that person. He’s loved by Mikasa, and he knows if Eren asks, Mikasa will never say no to Eren under positive circumstances.

Now that Eren knows the truth about Ackermans, he can never see Mikasa in the same light again.

Mikasa’s love -now that he gets a double-take- is scary. She gave her whole heart in her palm, her full dedication and love only for Eren, no questions, no hesitations, no doubts. What did Eren do to deserve it? To work for it? Nothing.

All Eren did was save her, and gave her a scarf because she looked cold and Eren’s mom taught him to be good. If Mikasa was a depraved kid lacking affection her whole life then Eren would’ve understood why Mikasa was taken by him. But no, Mikasa’s parents were good to her, what Eren did was not special to her.

She loves him, sure, like a dog loves its master. Unreasonably unconditional. And the dog doesn’t know what’s good for themselves, blindly loving their masters. Just like how baffling it was that a selfish serial killer like Kenny suddenly have a heart to follow a hidden king just because he begged prettily.

Having Mikasa love him doesn’t bear the same euphoric feeling. Eren isn’t special, just a lucky kid at the right time, she could’ve imprinted on anyone. Eren had thought this dream is dead.

Eren still loves her, she’s still a person, just a fucked up gene. So at that night infiltrating Marley with the team of survey corps, Eren asks her, “Why is it that you care so much about me? What am I to you?”

Mikasa blushes prettily, her breath quickens.

“You are family,” Mikasa admits shyly.

Unlike the dog that loves its master, Eren knows better. It’s not that Mikasa is pushing him away, Eren is family, Eren is her everything, that’s why all she said was those three words. And she feels all these things without any reason at all, so much that she can’t compute.

Then the family of the boy he helped offer alcohol, and Eren gulped it down. In a way, Mikasa broke his heart. Eren wasn’t special to her. Eren isn’t wanted, he’s being obsessed by, being followed by someone that doesn’t know better.

Morning comes. They’re in a boat on the way back to Paradis Island. Eren decides to give his dream one more try. Maybe it doesn’t have to be romantic? He settles for even less.

He finds Armin by the deck at 6 AM. The only ones awake around are them, the captain behind the wheel, and the fishes under.

His blue eyes take in the dark sea, the pinkish color of the dawn sky.

Eren knows why they both are the only ones up this hour after a whole night drinking. Turns out being a Titan means that you regenerate everything. They don’t get drunk too long, and they don’t get hangovers.

“Armin?” Eren can’t help the desperation in his voice, not in front of Armin. His best friend has seen him at his worst, and he’s still here, it must mean something, right? “What am I to you?”

Armin -who had been looking at him curiously the moment Eren spoke- drops his jaw. They look at each other for a while, and Armin seems to sober up from his shock and looks stern.

A pair of arms smack on either side of Eren’s face. It sobers Eren of all the melancholic brooding, even more now that Armin is putting a nagging face on. “Eren Jaeger, you listen to me. We’ve been friends since we’re gaggling children. You were a trouble-seeker even though you’re weak, couldn’t even land a punch on some goons! We all survived childhood purely thanks to Mikasa.”

“At least I tried to fight, unlike you, taking it laying down,” Eren growls, lifting his hands to pinch both of Armin’s cheeks. Gone the baby fat, they’re a little bit skinnier from growing up, and a bit too many muscles replacing it.

“Ow!” Armin grabs Eren’s wrist and to Eren’s surprise, Armin pulls his hands away easily. The strength stuns Eren’s mock anger away, and Armin looks at him with a solemn gaze. Eyes tinted pink look a bit lilac purple.

“I could never understand why you would befriend a weak kid like me, but then I figured it out.” Armin takes a deep breath, and suddenly Eren feels weak. Why is Armin looking at him like that? “You, Eren, are the most important person in my life. The one I cherished the most, and closer than family. No one realized how big of a heart you have, and your pride gets in the way of asking for help. But you care so much about everyone when no one was looking.” And Armin looks at him, Eren hears ‘but I did’, from Armin all the same.

“You’ve been different since we stepped into Marley,” Armin says, freezing Eren on the spot. Eren hoped he schooled his face as well as he thinks. “Whatever it is, you’re not alone. Alright? You have us, and we’ll always be on your side.”

Eren was done before he knew he started. Tears bursts from his eyes, lips frown deeply, holding back sobs.

“Oh! Eren, uh...” Armin awkwardly pats Eren’s back and Eren pulls him into the hug. It takes exactly one second for Armin to completely melt and wrap him into a tighter hug.

His heart bleeds. Armin did two things with his words. Makes Eren feel loved, and tore him a betrayal yet to be done.

It hurts because Eren knew, they can’t be on his side. They won’t, and that’s how it’s meant to be.

“Armin, can I try something?”

“I... guess?”

Maybe it’s Armin’s unpredictable blush or Eren’s half-broken heart, but it’s easy to just dive in. Eren didn’t realize how small Armin’s face is until he cups it, touched its cheekbones, trails the jaw, cradles the back of his blond hair. Leaning in is easy. Once meeting Armin’s lips, he felt some sort of instinct. It tells Eren to leans closer, tilts his head, licks the lower lip, and parts his own.

Eren wondered why lips taste so sweet and feel so soft, or was it just Armin?

When Armin’s arms find his sides and clutches, Eren feels heat riding up his spine, up to his head. He wants more. The morning is cold and every gentle move Armin does to kiss him back warms him with life. Finally, Armin parts his lips too, and instincts take over again. Tounge between teeth, roaming into his mouth.

Still, the best feeling of kissing is not how Armin feels on him, but how Armin is feeling him up. Armin kisses back with curious vigor, lips moving quicker, hands clutching tight. When Armin moves his hand to cups the back of his head and grabs his hair, Eren shivers. Eren wants more, wants Armin to want more of him.

Armin doesn’t feel the same, as he shows by stepping a wide step back. Eren gasps at the sudden space, cold strikes him like a slap, arms awkwardly hugging where Armin was less than a second ago. Blue eyes widen, in shock, but not in disgust, and Eren hoped.

“But... I thought Mikasa...” Armin stutters, hand on his lips. Eren empathizes, his lips still tingle too.

“I don’t think of her that way.”

“Liar, I saw you... You...” Armin’s words died away. Yes, he saw Eren looks besottedly at Mikasa when no one was looking. It changed though, and even though Eren isn’t transparent, Armin can read him like a dog-eared book.

“I don’t think of her that way anymore,” he corrects.

It’s true. Eren did think of her that way, not anymore. Eren loves Armin, but he never thought of him that way, now he can, and somehow it makes sense. His wild dreamer of a head can see it.

Armin’s silence is discouraging. Self-consciously, Eren feels that he might be moving too fast.

...

What’s Eren doing? What’s next? Going on a date? Be boyfriends? Share sweet nothings under the stars until Eren eventually betrays them all?

He knew he had to give up on his dreams, small as it is, and he won't live to see his one most important dream come true. Eren sees the suffering and the screams, but not the peace that came after.

Still, a part of him yearns and reaches desperately before Eren can pull away.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Eren says, every word ripped from his flesh. Eren smiles apologetically at Armin’s confused expression. “It’s nice... I-I... You’re my everything too.” The confession is terrifyingly easier. Eren feels the heat on his face now, and the shaking cold of his fingers.

Armin takes a deep breath with his slacked jaw, still startled, but something changed in his face, softer.

Eren walks away, but a strong grip holds his wrist. Eren realized that strong as Armin is, he’s not as strong as Eren’s. Eren is just so weak for him. Since when? How could he never notice?

Well, he notices now, and it makes him flush when he kisses him. It doesn’t mean anything. Nothing can come out of it. Eren can’t dream of it.

“Since when?” Armin asks vaguely, but Eren still knows.

“Since just now,” Eren says truthfully.

Armin lets him go then. Eren doesn’t look at him when he walks away.

+++

But Eren never stopped yearning.

Everything starts coming to place. So fast, so perfectly that it scares him.

These moments with his friends are numbered, and with all the power given to him, he can’t stop time.

He remembers what Armin says, and what Eren can realistically take from it. Enjoy it while he can. Cherish his friends while he can. As embarrassing as it sounds, Eren was saying the truth when he said he wants none of them inheriting the Attack Titan. These people live through hell with him, and he’ll make sure all of them make it in the end. No need to bear the Titan for the sake of foolish wars. It all will end with Eren, and it’ll make one of Eren’s dreams come true. The friends most precious to him will live in peace till they’re old and grey.

All of this is for the dreams that Eren will never live to see.

But the small ones, his mind says in betrayal, it can come true right?

Those words are what got him yearning still for the one thing he had given up on, or trying to at least.

Nothing changes between him and Armin. Eren has more practice in acting, he finds it easy to have a poker face, seems like his face does the same thing if he’s in despair, so he lets it take over. Armin is a bit different. The tension is there though faint. Lurking glances at the corner of his eyes, disappearing just before Eren could turn and see. It was Eren that says they don’t have to talk about it.

He hates it. Hates that even without meeting his eyes, Armin still gives him hope.

Eren knows he’s been sneaking into Annie’s jail cell. A part of him feels jealous, another part feels relieved. Relieved because Armin can move on, and maybe they’d pretend they’re never a thing to begin with. Yet Armin never stopped staring, and Eren could never really let go.

Eren knows that inherited traits from previous owners of the titans are possible and real. Eren is almost entirely sure that Armin’s affection purely came from Bertholdt. Eren had the same lingering feelings too. Bursts of instincts and thoughts that came out of nowhere. He feels weird with his hair short. All he thinks of his mother is not her love anymore, but guilt. So he clutches the feelings he knows are his own. New as it is, his feelings for Armin are one of the things he’s confident in. One of few.

He’s a compilation of previous Attack Titans now, but he’s still him. Eren is more than a shell, more than a pawn. Still his own self. Still Eren Jaeger. Still his mother’s son.

“Still human.”

“What?”

Eren snaps back and sees Mikasa’s searching eyes. They’re helping around Historia’s orphanage again. The horse he’s brushing is nudging him to continue where he left off.

“Nothing,” Eren mumbles.

Mikasa looks like she wants to say something, but she doesn’t. She drops the hay she was carrying to the feeding bin and steps out of the barn with a worried look.

Eren can’t help but wonder if Armin would’ve said or done something different.

+++

It’s dark, nothing but the moon, the fireflies, and his oil lamp for light. His friends are back at the orphanage having a game night. Eren had said he was tired and wanted to sleep early, then sneaking out to take a walk alone along the dirt path from Historia’s orphanage. Eren feels misplaced in the group, detached. They’re all smiling, having fun, but Eren feels like he’s alone. For all the plan to work, he just needs to keep his mouth shut and trusts Floch and Yelena to carry on the plan.

Eren wishes he could tell someone. Wishes that it didn’t have to be genocide. Wishes he could live to see his dreams coming true and live for them. Wishes he has someone... just someone to cry on. To share his fear because Eren is terrified-

“Eren?”

He didn’t hear anyone coming, he was that deep into his head. Of course, it’s Armin, and of course, he looks worried.

“Oh,” Armin says, sad. “You don’t have to hide when you needed to cry.”

Eren takes a deep breath, taps his face, and turns out the dampness in his face was not from the humidity.

“Talk to me,” Armin is close to begging, but not quite enough for Eren to fold.

Eren can’t talk to Armin, or he’ll say it all, undo a nail in the dam and all the water will break through. All the fears nearly choke him to death if he lets it.

“Do you have small dreams?” Eren asks because he can’t handle doing the talking.

“I do,” Armin says easily. He gestures to one of the trees facing the clearing Eren was heading towards. They sit there, watching the sparse clouds moves. “The sea is one of them,” Armin says once they sat, the oil lap turned off. The moon is full, Eren can see every detail of Armin’s face.

“What else?”

“Well there’s the mountains, and the snowy dunes, Onyakopon says it’s called the artic... I want to travel the world.” Armin looks to the moon with his hopeful eyes, and Eren’s heart is pulled.

Yanked painfully.

“You can do that,” Eren says, trying to smile.

“How about you?”

Eren looks down to his hands, “I’m not a dreamer like you,” He lied terribly, “It’s hard to, isn’t it? We’re still in the middle of the war, there’s a chance we won't make it.” I won’t make it.

Armin furrowed his eyebrows, “This is not the Eren I know,” his voice rising, “The Eren I know won’t give up until he has vengeance! His goals and hopes and dreams! Until he’s free! The Eren I know is always brave!”

Eren grits his teeth, his dead dreams flash in his eyes. “Fine! I’m a coward! I’m setting my expectations realistic Armin! We can’t always have what we want because we’re tied with obligations-”

“Why does it matter! Why is it ever the reason we stopped dreaming, huh?” Armin rises to his knees, looking down at Eren with fury coated with shadows. The moon looms upon his blond hair, tears falling down his face. “And we’re all scared Eren! I don’t think I ever stopped being scared since a Titan peeked from the walls of our home and literally kicked the gate open... the Titan that I am now.” His voice weakens, hands by his side shaking in balled fists.

Eren wants to touch him. Pull him to sit down, wipes his tears, pull him into his arms, curled into him, because yes, Eren is scared too, more than he’s sane to handle sometimes.

“But being brave means that we keep trying despite being scared... Being brave means that we have something to push through fear. That’s why we can’t stop hoping, having dreams! You can’t stop hoping Eren!” Armin sits back down, hands clenching on Eren’s shoulder. ��Don’t give up on them! If you do... then... then what do you fight for?” Armin’s voice is broken and desperate.

“For all of you,” Eren says weakly, “I told you that before. I want all of you to be free.”

“But what about you!” Armin shakes his shoulder, “What about your dreams for you!”

“There’s none! Alright?!” Eren snaps, gripping Armin’s hands, and pushes him away. His breath is fast and shallow. A bundle of nerves wanting to run. Stars break behind his lids

“Eren, please!” Armin clutch his wrist, “You have to have something to live for. Don’t...” Armin’s broken voice makes Eren look, not surprised to see Armin looking heartbreakingly sad. “Don’t throw your life away so easily! I know our years are numbered and no one can tell whether we die in this war or not... but I’d-I’d... if we found peace within our years, I’d... want to spend however little left of my life with you.”

A sob came out first before the tears, Eren can’t hold it back. He’s been clutching everything hard so close to his heart that he just couldn’t hold himself together anymore. He wanted to say it all, lay the sins he hasn’t committed, and be loved despite so. He knows Armin would, and he would help. Eren wouldn’t be alone, but he can’t.

Armin will have his dream come true, having peace in his lifetime.

Armin’s war will be over in a few years.

Eren’s war will never end, not till he dies.

“Please, don’t let me hope,” Eren begged.

“But-”

“I can’t have small dreams, I just couldn’t!” Eren snaps again, throwing up all his anger in his throaty scream, “I can’t! I tried Armin but I kept wanting more. I want more and everything! Nothing is ever enough and this fucking war is...” this fucking fate, her fucking wish, “It’ll take everything from me.”

“No, not yet,” Armin says solemnly with new determination, face still wet from crying. “I have a plan okay? Don’t you trust me?”

Eren is thrown again between pain and anger. His scowl rained down with tears. “You know I do!” I’ll betray you but you’ll pull through, I believe you will. “This has nothing to do with it. We... it just... I can’t...”

“Tell me what it is,” Armin begs, “I’ll help it come true, I’ll help in any way I can. Please.” Those honest eyes look at him, tear down the walls he puts up. Why does Armin always make him hopeful? Even though Eren has nothing left in his future? Why?

Why after years of guarding his desires, one look from Armin unravel him instantly?

His heart finally bare of walls, hands clenched so tightly they shake, Eren screamed his soul out, “I WANT TO BE FREE!”

He screams so loud to the blank indifferent sky that his voice echoes. He hadn’t dared voiced that dream of him anymore, knowing he’ll never have it. It was all he wanted, but there’s a chain of fate in his neck.

Even though he’s chained, doesn’t mean he’s muffled. Not anymore, his heart yearns openly. “I want... I want a life! A long life with someone I love. A cabin in a large space in the forest, where the air feels cool in our lungs. I want kids on my own, I want to grow old with someone! Someone that loves me despite who I am,” despite what I’m about to do. “I just want to be myself.... not a weapon, not a soldier, not a tool.” Not fate’s fool. “I just want to live... build a life, build a home, be with someone that cherishes me for me.”

Eren makes a mistake in looking at Armin, finding the blue eyes mimicking the heavy rain pouring from Eren’s. The worst is the despairing look on Armin’s face, the full mournfulness of the usually boyish hopeful look.

Eren’s mouth still loose, the adrenaline from the truth makes him brave, “I want... I want more than just a kiss.” Armin’s expression doesn’t change, still in that heartbroken despair, it’s like he’s not surprised. “I want to go... spend time with you... more than-than just a friend.” At that, Armin finally looks surprised. Eren’s face burns, but it’s easier to say without the suspense of how well Armin is going to take it. Whether it’s a yes or no, the answer is already chosen by circumstances.

“You-You’d want that?” Armin’s tone in disbelieve.

“Yeah,” he croaks, already sore from screaming.

“I thought...” Finally, Armin looks down, “I thought you were just curious about the kiss, not necessarily me.”

“Well... both of that. The kiss and... you.”

Out of nowhere, Armin barks a laugh, stilling Eren looking at him like he’s crazy. “Geez, I should’ve known. You’re really an all-or-nothing guy.”

“You say it like it’s a bad thing,” Eren pouts.

“No, not bad, but by gods, your actions can be baffling sometimes,” Armin smiles. Oh if only he knew.

It’s eerie how they can fall to banter easily, smoothly, and Eren can’t help to imagine a lifetime of this. He tamps it down instantly.

Eren feels oddly lighter, but he knows tomorrow he won’t. He’ll mull about tonight, and nothing will be done about it, then it’ll add to the list of things he broods about.

“Wait,” Armin says, before Eren gets to ask what, a pair of lips landed on him. It’s more chaste than before because Eren still put up his guard. It’s still too sweet and Eren still got poisoned.

They lean back, flushed and a bit breathless. Armin is flustered, nervous, but Eren is carefully stoic, which means he’s despaired.

“You didn’t have to do that for me,” Eren clips.

“Unlike you, I’m more selfish.”

“You didn’t even like me like that.”

“You don’t know that.”

“And Annie?”

Armin sighs, “I don’t know why... but I just feel if we could’ve had time, me and her could be something.” Eren knows the reason, an indescribable instinct. “But Eren,” His hand grips Eren’s, pinning Eren at place with his gentle touch. “Annie and I didn’t become anything. She’s frozen in a crystal, and you’re here.”

Eren should feel like chopped liver, really, but why is he hopeful instead?

“And I want you.”

Eren watches his best friend, watches closely. Their transparency towards each other goes both ways.

“I know maybe... my feelings aren’t as deep as yours yet, but I still want you.”

Eren finds no lie, and it’s harder to not let his soul soars in joy. Yet.

“Nothing can come out of this.”

“Who says?”

“Armin...”

“See the smaller picture,” Armin put his hands on Eren’s face and his mind stops. “I know you’d always want more, but isn’t having something small is better than not having anything at all? Did you ever regret kissing me the first time?”

“No.” Eren knows he’s utterly defeated yet again by Armin’s wits.

“Would the future you regret kissing me some more?”

Eren weakly smiles, “I-I think future me will thank present me.”

“Well.”

They both lean in this time, knowing what to expect, but still getting surprised by what they get.

Their third kiss is better, both of them anticipate it, both of them wanting. They know better how to slot their bodies together. Their lips were a bit chapped, tasting like the apple pie they had for dessert today. Their hands move more confidently. Eren goes along Armin’s back and jaw, feeling the newly shaved undercut. Armin’s fingers go to his nape, feeling his grown-out hair. Those fingers trail down Eren’s chest and pull his shirt.

Suddenly Eren’s backed against the tree trunk. Momentarily they part their lips, just to look. Eren doesn’t know what Armin is finding that makes him blush and doe-eyed, but what Eren finds is that Armin wants him too. Armin, who could’ve waited for Annie, who could’ve had anyone, wants Eren. No genetic conditioning. No previous titans making him like Eren. This is Armin as he is, wanting Eren as he is.

That’s all he needs. It’s all he wants.

Eren is wanted. Not as a tool. Not as a weapon. Not his power.

Just Eren.

When they kiss again, skin touch skin. Hands pressing on pulses. Their breathing sound loud in the dead of the night. No one is listening but them.

No one stopping them.

In the protective cradle of the forest, they finally get to be curious teens fooling around.

++++

They’re not anything, but not nothing either.

Something noticeably changed between them, but it’s not hard to hide what they are when even they are not sure what they are.

They have nothing but stolen kisses, sneaking out in the night to spend time alone. They don’t really talk, just touches that keep getting bolder. Eren’s feet coming up Armin’s legs under the table as he explains strategies. A hand on Eren’s inner thigh at a group dinner. Sex in the closet. Disappearing at night. Sneaking into each other’s room. Sneaking out in the morning.

Eren admits that feeding his hunger is exhilarating, he’s never felt this alive since he sees the future. Eren would never admit that this happiness scares him.

Eventually, the carpet will be pulled from under his feet, and Eren will have no one to blame but himself.

But Armin was right. Small dreams coming true are still better than dead dreams. Eren is living in his little secret of peacefulness whenever he’s pulled aside where no one can see them.

“Eren,” Armin murmurs, voice hoarse, curling towards Eren for warmth. Eren pulls the blanket over their naked shoulders, shimmying closer. He nuzzles on top of blond hair and smells the sun. Legs bare and long stretching along with Eren’s, Armin rest his temple against Eren’s. Since when did Armin get this tall? Armin plays with Eren’s shoulder-length hair. Since when did his hair get that long?

How did time pass so fast?

“Go back to sleep, it’s still early,” Eren says with familiar affection, a soft spot dangerously tender. He kisses the top of the blond hair by instinct and felt his heart squeeze. He wants to keep Armin here, in his arms, forever.

“I can go back to my room if you want,” Armin offers sleepily, knowing that Eren has been having difficulty sleeping, but not knowing the real reason why.

“Never, stay,” Eren feels a lump in his throat, small mercy grants him for it not to show.

They’re in Eren’s room at the furthest corner of the house that’s far inside the woods. They’re here for Titan experiments, the only other people in the house are Hanji and her assistant.

The window curtains are parted so they can see each other, can’t risk the lamp on to alarm anyone. As always, whenever they’re together, the moon is their only witness.

Eventually, the carpet is pulled from under his feet, Eren has no one to blame but himself. Still, his small dream coming true is still better than nothing at all, Armin was right, nothing surprising there.

He tucked Armin closer to him, caressing his back languidly, not wanting to let go ever. Tears building up his eyes, chest contracting, heart pounding, crying silently.

“I love you, Armin,” Eren says, as clear as saying hello in broad daylight. The body in his arm tensed. Blue eyes still bright even in the dark, open wide in shock, but the softness in his expression means Armin at least expected it.

For a while they say nothing, just stare and touch. Eren’s hands snake up to cup Armin’s jaw that keeps getting more defined. Both of them are nineteen, still growing, and Eren can never see what a handsome man Armin will grow into. Will he keeps his soft features? Or will he has a growth spurt to grow really tall and broad-shouldered? Eren will never have the answer.

But Eren has this.

This Armin that’s his. This Armin wants him. This Armin gave his firsts to Eren and given Eren’s firsts. He’ll take it, he’ll keep it till the day he dies.

Small dreams partially coming true. Is it still better than dead dreams?

“You don’t have to say anything,” Eren adds, knowing he still visits Annie, still has indescribable feelings for her. It doesn’t stop Eren leaning to kiss him by the sunlight roots. This part of Armin will forever be his, Annie can have the rest of Armin’s life.

Armin nuzzles closer, face buried in the crook of his neck. Shaky breaths hit Eren’s skin, arms tightening around his torso.

“I wish we have more time,” Armin’s voice broke, “I wish we’re not.... here.”

Eren hugs him closer, letting his heart falls. He knows Armin doesn’t mean it the same way as Eren would, but he lets himself wishing for it too. Wishing that this was another world, in another time, where they can be something and have more than a decade to live.

“I know. Me too.” Eren doesn’t let himself sob, so he just curled.

They say nothing more. Just holding each other until they fall asleep.

Or, only until Armin does.

Eren counts the seconds to his deep breaths before detaching himself from Armin. He doesn’t look away from Armin, not even when he picked up his clothes from the floor and dresses. Eren let one more tear escape as he put one last kiss on Armin’s temple and lips. Eren tucks him under the blanket and closes the curtains so the morning light won't be too harsh on him.

One last look before he closes the door, let his chest cave in, nurse the hurt that’ll last his short lifetime. Eren takes a deep breath, wipes his tears, and closes the door gently. Too weak for goodbyes.

Eren sneaks out into the stables, sushing the horse with pets and apples he stole from the pantry. Cloak on, hiding his face, he rides out into the pier where Yelena and Floch are waiting for him there.

Eren retraces his plan with Floch, and goes out on the boat with Yelena towards Marley. She hands him the Eldian uniform that fits him suspiciously well. Eren doesn’t hesitate to pierce one of his eyes and cut his leg.

When he’s finally at the Eldian camp, the despair in his eyes is barely acting.

++++

+++

When they meet again, Armin sees him with nothing but betrayal.

No love left there to scavenge.

But, once upon a time, Eren was wanted for the human he is by someone who could’ve chosen anyone.

Those eyes had looked at him fondly. He was precious to someone.

His small dream did come true.

#eremin #eremin fanfics #shingeki no kyojin #snk fanfiction #eremin fanfic #eremin fanfiction #eren yeagar fanfiction #armin arlert #eren jäger #they said bethrlsod name is hard #which yager is eren??#emocel's #attack on titan fanfiction #whenever i think of attack on titan i bleed a little #especially that Miche scene #i don't get horrified a lot but that scene....#haunts me

10 notes · View notes

antoine-roquentin · 4 years ago

Quote

If every language is acquirable, its acquisition requires a real portion of a person’s life: each new conquest is measured against shortening days. What limits one’s access to other languages is not their imperviousness but one’s own mortality. Hence a certain privacy to all languages. French and American imperialists governed, exploited, and killed Vietnamese over many years. But whatever else they made off with, the Vietnamese language stayed put. Accordingly, only too often, a rage at Vietnamese ‘inscrutability,’ and that obscure despair which engenders the venomous argots of dying colonialisms: ‘gooks,’ ‘ratons’, etc.12 (In the longer run, the only responses to the vast privacy of the language of the oppressed are retreat or further massacre.) Such epithets are, in their inner form, characteristically racist, and decipherment of this form will serve to show why Nairn is basically mistaken in arguing that racism and anti-semitism derive from nationalism �� and thus that ‘seen in sufficient historical depth, fascism tells us more about nationalism than any other episode.’13 A word like ‘slant,’ for example, abbreviated from ‘slant-eyed’, does not simply express an ordinary political enmity. It erases nation-ness by reducing the adversary to his biological physiognomy.14 It denies, by substituting for, ‘Vietnamese;’ just as raton denies, by substituting for, ‘Algerian’. At the same time, it stirs ‘Vietnamese’ into a nameless sludge along with ‘Korean,’ ‘Chinese,’ ‘Filipino,’ and so on. The character of this vocabulary may become still more evident if it is contrasted with other Vietnam-War-period words like ‘Charlie’ and ‘V.C.’, or from an earlier era, ‘Boches,’ ‘Huns,’ ‘Japs’ and ‘Frogs,’ all of which apply only to one specific nationality, and thus concede, in hatred, the adversary’s membership in a league of nations.15 The fact of the matter is that nationalism thinks in terms of historical destinies, while racism dreams of eternal contaminations, transmitted from the origins of time through an endless sequence of loathsome copulations: outside history. Niggers are, thanks to the invisible tar-brush, forever niggers; Jews, the seed of Abraham, forever Jews, no matter what passports they carry or what languages they speak and read. (Thus for the Nazi, the Jewish German was always an impostor.)16 The dreams of racism actually have their origin in ideologies of class, rather than in those of nation: above all in claims to divinity among rulers and to ‘blue’ or ‘white’ blood and ‘breeding’ among aristocracies.17 No surprise then that the putative sire of modern racism should be, not some petty-bourgeois nationalist, but Joseph Arthur, Comte de Gobineau.18 Nor that, on the whole, racism and anti-semitism manifest themselves, not across national boundaries, but within them. In other words, they justify not so much foreign wars as domestic repression and domination.19 Where racism developed outside Europe in the nineteenth century, it was always associated with European domination, for two converging reasons. First and most important was the rise of official nationalism and colonial ‘Russification’. As has been repeatedly emphasized official nationalism was typically a response on the part of threatened dynastic and aristocratic groups – upper classes – to popular vernacular nationalism. Colonial racism was a major element in that conception of ‘Empire’ which attempted to weld dynastic legitimacy and national community. It did so by generalizing a principle of innate, inherited superiority on which its own domestic position was (however shakily) based to the vastness of the overseas possessions, covertly (or not so covertly) conveying the idea that if, say, English lords were naturally superior to other Englishmen, no matter: these other Englishmen were no less superior to the subjected natives. Indeed one is tempted to argue that the existence of late colonial empires even served to shore up domestic aristocratic bastions, since they appeared to confirm on a global, modern stage antique conceptions of power and privilege. It could do so with some effect because – and here is our second reason – the colonial empire, with its rapidly expanding bureaucratic apparatus and its ‘Russifying’ policies, permitted sizeable numbers of bourgeois and petty bourgeois to play aristocrat off centre court: i.e. anywhere in the empire except at home. In each colony one found this grimly amusing tableau vivant: the bourgeois gentilhomme speaking poetry against a backcloth of spacious mansions and gardens filled with mimosa and bougainvillea, and a large supporting cast of houseboys, grooms, gardeners, cooks, amahs, maids, washerwomen, and, above all, horses.20 Even those who did not manage to live in this style, such as young bachelors, nonetheless had the grandly equivocal status of a French nobleman on the eve of a jacquerie:21 In Moulmein, in lower Burma [this obscure town needs explaining to readers in the metropole], I was hated by large numbers of people – the only time in my life that I have been important enough for this to happen to me. I was sub-divisional police officer of the town. This ‘tropical Gothic’ was made possible by the overwhelming power that high capitalism had given the metropole – a power so great that it could be kept, so to speak, in the wings. Nothing better illustrates capitalism in feudal-aristocratic drag than colonial militaries, which were notoriously distinct from those of the metropoles, often even in formal institutional terms. 22 Thus in Europe one had the ‘First Army,’ recruited by conscription on a mass, citizen, metropolitan base; ideologically conceived as the defender of the heimat; dressed in practical, utilitarian khaki; armed with the latest affordable weapons; in peacetime isolated in barracks, in war stationed in trenches or behind heavy field-guns. Outside Europe one had the ‘Second Army,’ recruited (below the officer level) from local religious or ethnic minorities on a mercenary basis; ideologically conceived as an internal police force; dressed to kill in bed-or ballroom; armed with swords and obsolete industrial weapons; in peace on display, in war on horseback. If the Prussian General Staff, Europe’s military teacher, stressed the anonymous solidarity of a professionalized corps, ballistics, railroads, engineering, strategic planning, and the like, the colonial army stressed glory, epaulettes, personal heroism, polo, and an archaizing courtliness among its officers. (It could afford to do so because the First Army and the Navy were there in the background.) This mentality survived a long time. In Tonkin, in 1894, Lyautey wrote:23 Quel dommage de n’être pas venu ici dix ans plus tôt! Quelles carrières à y fonder et à y mener. Il n’y a pas ici un de ces petits lieutenants, chefs de poste et de reconnaissance, qui ne développe en 6 mois plus d’initiative, de volonté, d’endurance, de personnalité, qu’un officier de France en toute sa carrière. In Tonkin, in 1951, Jean de Lattre de Tassigny, ‘who liked officers who combined guts with “style,” took an immediate liking to the dashing cavalryman [Colonel de Castries] with his bright-red Spahi cap and scarf, his magnificent riding-crop, and his combination of easy-going manners and ducal mien, which made him as irresistible to women in Indochina in the 1950s as he had been to Parisiennes of the 1930s.’24 Another instructive indication of the aristocratic or pseudo-aristocratic derivation of colonial racism was the typical ‘solidarity among whites,’ which linked colonial rulers from different national metropoles, whatever their internal rivalries and conflicts. This solidarity, in its curious trans-state character, reminds one instantly of the class solidarity of Europe’s nineteenth-century aristocracies, mediated through each other’s hunting-lodges, spas, and ballrooms; and of that brotherhood of ‘officers and gentlemen,’ which in the Geneva convention guaranteeing privileged treatment to captured enemy officers, as opposed to partisans or civilians, has an agreeably twentieth-century expression. The argument adumbrated thus far can also be pursued from the side of colonial populations. For, the pronouncements of certain colonial ideologues aside, it is remarkable how little that dubious entity known as ‘reverse racism’ manifested itself in the anticolonial movements. In this matter it is easy to be deceived by language. There is, for example, a sense in which the Javanese word londo (derived from Hollander or Nederlander) meant not only ‘Dutch’ but ‘whites.’ But the derivation itself shows that, for Javanese peasants, who scarcely ever encountered any ‘whites’ but Dutch, the two meanings effectively overlapped. Similarly, in French colonial territories, ‘les blancs’ meant rulers whose Frenchness was indistinguishable from their whiteness. In neither case, so far as I know, did londo or blanc either lose caste or breed derogatory secondary distinctions.25 On the contrary, the spirit of anticolonial nationalism is that of the heart-rending Constitution of Makario Sakay’s short-lived Republic of Katagalugan (1902), which said, among other things:26 No Tagalog, born in this Tagalog archipelago, shall exalt any person above the rest because of his race or the colour of his skin; fair, dark, rich, poor, educated and ignorant – all are completely equal, and should be in one loób [inward spirit]. There may be differences in education, wealth, or appearance, but never in essential nature (pagkatao) and ability to serve a cause. One can find without difficulty analogies on the other side of the globe. Spanish-speaking mestizo Mexicans trace their ancestries, not to Castilian conquistadors, but to half-obliterated Aztecs, Mayans, Toltecs and Zapotecs. Uruguayan revolutionary patriots, creoles themselves, took up the name of Tupac Amarú, the last great indigenous rebel against creole oppression, who died under unspeakable tortures in 1781. It may appear paradoxical that the objects of all these attachments are ‘imagined’ – anonymous, faceless fellow-Tagalogs, exterminated tribes, Mother Russia, or the tanah air. But amor patriae does not differ in this respect from the other affections, in which there is always an element of fond imagining. (This is why looking at the photo-albums of strangers’ weddings is like studying the archaeologist’s groundplan of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.) What the eye is to the lover – that particular, ordinary eye he or she is born with – language – whatever language history has made his or her mother-tongue – is to the patriot. Through that language, encountered at mother’s knee and parted with only at the grave, pasts are restored, fellowships are imagined, and futures dreamed. 12. The logic here is: 1. I will be dead before I have penetrated them. 2. My power is such that they have had to learn my language. 3. But this means that my privacy has been penetrated. Terming them ‘gooks’ is small revenge. 13. The Break-up of Britain, pp. 337 and 347. 14. Notice that there is no obvious, selfconscious antonym to ‘slant.’ ‘Round’? ‘Straight’? ‘Oval’? 15. Not only, in fact, in an earlier era. Nonetheless, there is a whiff of the antique-shop about these words of Debray: ‘I can conceive of no hope for Europe save under the hegemony of a revolutionary France, firmly grasping the banner of independence. Sometimes I wonder if the whole “anti-Boche” mythology and our secular antagonism to Germany may not be one day indispensable for saving the revolution, or even our national-democratic inheritance.’ ‘Marxism and the National Question,’ p. 41. 16. The significance of the emergence of Zionism and the birth of Israel is that the former marks the reimagining of an ancient religious community as a nation, down there among the other nations – while the latter charts an alchemic change from wandering devotee to local patriot. 17. ‘From the side of the landed aristocracy came conceptions of inherent superiority in the ruling class, and a sensitivity to status, prominent traits well into the twentieth century. Fed by new sources, these conceptions could later be vulgarized [sic] and made appealing to the German population as a whole in doctrines of racial superiority.’ Barrington Moore, Jr., Social Origins of Dictatorship and Democracy, p. 436. 18. Gobineau’s dates are perfect. He was born in 1816, two years after the restoration of the Bourbons to the French throne. His diplomatic career, 1848–1877, blossomed under Louis Napoléon’s Second Empire and the reactionary monarchist regime of Marie Edmé Patrice Maurice, Comte de MacMahon, former imperialist proconsul in Algiers. His Essai sur l’Inégalité des Races Humaines appeared in 1854 – should one say in response to the popular vernacular-nationalist insurrections of 1848? 19. South African racism has not, in the age of Vorster and Botha, stood in the way of amicable relations (however discreetly handled) with prominent black politicians in certain independent African states. If Jews suffer discrimination in the Soviet Union, that did not prevent respectful working relations between Brezhnev and Kissinger. 20. For a stunning collection of photographs of such tableaux vivants in the Netherlands Indies (and an elegantly ironical text), see ‘E. Breton de Nijs,’ Tempo Doeloe. 21. George Orwell, ‘Shooting an Elephant,’ in The Orwell Reader, p. 3. The words in square brackets are of course my interpolation. 22. The KNIL (Koninklijk Nederlandsch-Indisch Leger) was quite separate from the KL (Koninklijk Leger) in Holland. The Légion Étrangère was almost from the start legally prohibited from operations on continental French soil. 23. Lettres du Tonkin et de Madagascar (1894–1899), p. 84. Letter of December 22, 1894, from Hanoi. Emphases added. 24. Bernard B. Fall, Hell is a Very Small Place: The Siege of Dien Bien Phu, p. 56. One can imagine the shudder of Clausewitz’s ghost. [Spahi, derived like Sepoy from the Ottoman Sipahi, meant mercenary irregular cavalrymen of the ‘Second Army’ in Algeria.] It is true that the France of Lyautey and de Lattre was a Republican France. However, the often talkative Grande Muette had since the start of the Third Republic been an asylum for aristocrats increasingly excluded from power in all other important institutions of public life. By 1898, a full quarter of all Brigadier-and Major-Generals were aristocrats. Moreover, this aristocrat-dominated officer corps was crucial to nineteenth and twentieth-century French imperialism. ‘The rigorous control imposed on the army in the métropole never extended fully to la France d’outremer. The extension of the French Empire in the nineteenth century was partially the result of uncontrolled initiative on the part of colonial military commanders. French West Africa, largely the creation of General Faidherbe, and the French Congo as well, owed most of their expansion to independent military forays into the hinterland. Military officers were also responsible for the faits accomplis which led to a French protectorate in Tahiti in 1842, and, to a lesser extent, to the French occupation of Tonkin in Indochina in the 1880’s . . . In 1897 Galliéni summarily abolished the monarchy in Madagascar and deported the Queen, all without consulting the French government, which later accepted the fait accompli . . .’ John S. Ambler, The French Army in Politics, 1945–1962, pp. 10–11 and 22. 25. I have never heard of an abusive argot word in Indonesian or Javanese for either ‘Dutch’ or ‘white.’ Compare the Anglo-Saxon treasury: niggers, wops, kikes, gooks, slants, fuzzywuzzies, and a hundred more. It is possible that this innocence of racist argots is true primarily of colonized populations. Blacks in America – and surely elsewhere – have developed a varied counter-vocabulary (honkies, ofays, etc.). 26. As cited in Reynaldo Ileto’s masterlyPasyón and Revolution: Popular Movements in the Philippines, 1840–1910, p. 218. Sakay’s rebel republic lasted until 1907, when he was captured and executed by the Americans. Understanding the first sentence requires remembering that three centuries of Spanish rule and Chinese immigration had produced a sizeable mestizo population in the islands.

Benedict Anderson, Imagined Communities

#citation 24 is gorgeous

31 notes · View notes

fulcrum-agent · 3 years ago

Text

010. Heady [FFXIVwrite2021]

His voice comes over the Linkpearl unexpectedly.

"A-Aquila......Father is here...I don't know what to do; he's standing right outside Calcifer.....what do I do?" He says in a slightly panicked tone.

"You stay the fuck in the lab and let me deal with him," she replies immediately.

She's given a timid reply, "Ok...."

"Once some ground rules are out, I'll let you know," she explains to him. "But he gets to find out all the ways he will die if he messes with you."

His voice pitches upward a little as he asks, "A-are you bringing Leth? Rolno? Locke? any kind of backup?"

"Locke's still recovering, Rolno's about to get laid, and Leth got shanked earlier," she explains calmly. "Besides, I don't NEED back up now, thanks to Merrick."

Sounding more than just a little concerned, he murmurs, "Alright..."

Their father takes a sip from the cup in front of him as she arrives. Upon seeing him, she draws her blade, assuming the same stance that the former Blade who owned it used.

"...what are you doing here?" she asks coldly.

The man, without looking up, speaks - his cold, nearly monotone, and emotionless voice carries over the wind.

"Is that any way to address your Father? Daughter of mine, I taught you better."

He finally stands up and brushes himself off, and faces her fully, his hands neatly folded behind his back. His eyes looked down at the sword, then back to her; a slightly raised eyebrow was the only indication that he had acknowledged the weapon.

"You PROGRAMMED me - you didn't teach," she corrects him harshly, not taking well to him using that particular phrase. "Not that such'll save you anymore. One of your little projects saw to that."

The man tilts his head. "Oh?"

"Yeah. C-04-01B. Merrick. Somehow, you managed to make him even more monstrous than yourself," she retorts sharply, blade still ready to strike. "Again. Why. Are. YOU. Here."

Her father seems lost in thought for a moment.

"Interesting, I was sure I destroyed him when he malfunctioned.....I suppose he must have found an escape and has since degraded since his creation," He did not seem too concerned with the escaped Clone. "It took me quite a while to find you and Liocyon; I've come to bring you home....seeing as you failed to even do that."

"Spoilers: We're not going, and you've lost the power to make us," she immediately slings at him, still debating on just attacking him. "It was NEVER in the plan to go back, especially after finding out why Lio left."

He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose as he replies, "These antics of yours are growing tiresome, my child."

"You created them at the end of the day," she points out. "I'm pretty sure you were entirely aware of how trying to enslave me was gonna work out."

She's given what passes for an incredulous look by her father as he echoes, "Enslave? is that what you think I was doing?"

This finally breaks from her calm tone of voice.

"Septimus is DEAD because of what you did!" she shouts at him, giving him a gaze that likely has made some random primal rollover disturbed in their sleep. "YOU should be the dead one."

He gave the barest hint of emotion at the mention of Septimus's name; his eyes seemed to soften just slightly.

"What happened to your brother....was a tragedy," He said in a slightly softer tone, "Believe me when I say....that I grieved with the rest of you."

"If that's fucking so, why did you even programme me to kill our family!" she shouts; for the moment, the last vestiges of the conditioning can't fight past her seething rage. "I nearly killed LIO because of your bullshit!"

The almost emotionless state returns the response, "Better to die at the hands of a family member than one of these barbarians."

"If not for these 'savages', Merrick would have succeeded. You're only dealing with me because they rescued me," she retorts hotly, clearly provoked by his words. "If not for them, Lio would be dead. Because that's Merrick's goal - to replace my brother."

This actually gives her father pause before he brushes the information off again.

"That clone is delusional; I never made him for that purpose, for replacing Lio."

"Intent or not, that's what's going on, Father," she counters, the last word sounding like pure venom. "You've created one hell of a mess. He's MURDERED dozens of people - 'savage' and Garlean alike."

Her father furrows his brow as he flatly states, "A pity but hardly my problem or my concern."

"Oh?" she slowly lowers Talekeeper, assuming her...perceived lack of a stance. "Actually, it is. And you're going to fix it."

She's given what passes for a quizzical look as he states, "There is nothing to fix."

"Yeah. There is. Put on that damned monocle and LOOK," she orders him. "There's something only you can repair. It's the only reason you're not dead."

Without bothering to do as asked, he questions, "And what is that?"

"I have an aetherpool. Two pre-teen kids worth of aether. Enough to use aether," she explains to him, like he's five, "but not enough to dispatch your monster."

He makes a motion for her to continue, seeming undisturbed by this news, and she sighs a little.

"I...need you to finish what he attempted. So that I can eliminate the threat he poses to Liocyon," she explains, voice returning to that sort of mimicry of his own. "But don't think I won't stab you, somewhere non-fatal, if you do ANYTHING to Lio."

The man quirks his brow. "You want me to...expand your limited aetherpool?"

She nods at Cicero, "Yup."

"If this conversation had happened a few years ago, I would say it's impossible...." he ruminates before stating, "as it stands, I think I have knowledge and capability to do as you ask; there is one hiccup, though."

Her eyes narrow at him.

"Hiccup? The fact your lab in the Capital can't be accessed?" she asks him.

The man's lips form a thin smile as he gives what might be a mock-praise, "What a smart girl you are."

She smirks a little at that.

"Smart enough to know how to get all your equipment out," she almost teases him.

"Not only my lab equipment but my research notes..." he emphasises, "unless you have a team willing to infiltrate Empire territory and access my lab."

"Pfft. We HAVE your notes already. Tana grabbed every tomestone that wasn't nailed down when she left," she explains to him. "What we don't have, currently, is any of your equipment or anything close enough to it. All that shit here is Sharlayan."

He shrugs and continues, "If you can bring me my equipment, I can work on your little request...I have a condition, though."

She rolls her eyes faintly. "Because, of course, you do."

"I want to see Liocyon."

"And I have conditions on that," she retorts immediately, voice razor-sharp. "You do ANYTHING harmful to him; I will make you regret it. Slowly."

"To the pain."

With a faint sigh and a small wave of his hand, he agrees, "Your theatrics are noted. I assume he is inside that......establishment."

She nods once.

"Yeah, but Calficer's more likely to kill you than let you in," she somewhat smugly points out. "I can go get him, though."

He makes a motion, "By all means."

She decides to prove a point before such. Without warning, she blinks into the Lifestream only to reappear with her sword right across Cicero's neck, edge gently touching such - enough to leave an extremely thin red mark but not enough to cut deeply.

"Just remember my conditions, "Father," she states before blinking again, displacing back to where she was before turning to get Lio. Talekeeper stays out.

Her father seems unphased by the threat "Noted."

She enters the House of Mystery, looking to her pacing brother immediately. "He's aware of the conditions."

Her twin turns paler shade. "He's not g-gone?"

"Nope. We've a little arrangement. He's allowed to speak to you, so long as he doesn't do anything shitty," she explains to her twin. "If he does ANYTHING harmful, I'm corps-a-corps'ing his dick."

He takes a deep breath, his body trembling slightly.

"Alright..." he says weakly. "Ok...just....stay with me, please."

She nods at Lio, grinning. "He can't stop me anymore," she reminds Lio, "so I'll be right beside you unless I have to suddenly castrate him."

Her reflection nods before looking to the door. "Alright then..."

Aquila Aurelius returns with Lio in tow, the rapier still out and perhaps at the ready. Her lack of stance is maddening to anyone who knows how to sword fight.

After they exit the house, her brother stands behind her. "H-hello F-Father...." *He says weakly, his eyes looking towards the ground.*

Cicero Aurelius would calmly watch his daughter and son exit the building, a small smile turning the corner of his lip* "Liocyon....you've changed quite a bit since I last saw you, have you finally embraced science?"

She mutters, "...wears the coat better than you ever did..."

Her twin looks over at her before looking back to his father, trying to explain himself, "I have...it was...it was required, someone needed it..."

Their father looks over to her for a moment before looking back to Lio and nodding.

"Good, good..." He takes a few steps forward as he speaks, "You look so much like your mother....she wanted to be here, you know.."

She glares at him at the mention of their mother, despite the accuracy. "Then why isn't she?" she retorts sharply.

Their father gives her a look as he answers, "It is unsafe for us outside of the safehouse."

Her twin takes a step forward as he eagerly asks, "Mother is here? what about the others?"

She moves her blade between her reflection and their father.

"Ah ah ah," she notes to their father. "And who the fuck's fault is it that she's not safe?"

"The fool that sits on the throne now," the man said simply. "He turned our country into a damn cult."

This causes her blade to focus on their father again, pointed aimed right at his throat as she retorts, "Nah. YOU made it, so none of us are safe outside the estate."

Shaking his head, the man intones, "Everything I did was to make it safe for you and Liocyon."

Her brother gently places his hand on her shoulder in an attempt to calm her, softly murmuring, "Aquila.."

Reluctantly, she drops the sword away from their father's throat, though Talekeeper remains out.

"I don't think experimenting on your own kids and turning them into monsters is really for the best," she points out with a huff.

"Perhaps one day you will understand what I was trying to do,"

their father sighs, "In any case, fine....bring me my equipment, and I will expand your aetherpool...after that, perhaps we can sit down and discuss things as adults?"

Her twin looks between her and their father, moving closer to his sister.

She shakes her head at her brother a little bit.

"...he wasn't supposed to know that, but...fine," she concedes, looking at their father before adding, "...but the conditions stand, even then."

For his part, the man makes a mock 'oops' face as he flippantly states, "My mistake, but fine."

"...I have a shorter blade that I can use," she points out. "Won't kill you, but it'll hurt."

Their father waves his hand as he mocks, "Yes, yes, you're threats are noted...I will take my leave; contact me as soon as you have my equipment."

She nods once, Talekeeper remaining out until he's well and gone.

"Yeah, sure. Say hi to mum for us," she quips.

The man looks back at Lio. "It was.....good to see you again, son."

Her reflection nods as he murmurs, "Father..."

In a flat tone, as he turns, their father states, "Aquila."

"Father."

((Adapted from an RP with Liocyon.))

#ffxivwrite2021

2 notes · View notes

thecanadianowl · 4 years ago

Text

Justice league Snydercut review

Wow talk about a long movie. Remember Mass Effect's 3 shit endings that were later improved (sorta) with DLCs. Well that is kinda how this movie is.

Before we start this, I just wanna say that I was very impartial throughout the whole snydercut movement. I wasn't part of it but I do see the good that they did in regards to some of their charities and with how the fandom itself has been painted in a negative light. So its good that they got what they have been demanding for quite some time. Snyder as director for me, I really am not the biggest fan of. His movies have some great cinematic moments that look amazing but the context around it is what muddles it for me.

Is it better than Whedon's JL? YES. To start I'll look at some of the things that I do like.

I do like how it was split into parts. Gives it that miniseries/Comic book feel

Thank god they removed that stupid cringy flash landing on top of Diana's chest scene.

Darkseid looks good. I know some people have issues with it but I liked it. I mean looking at it first glance has me convinced its Darkseid. His voice isn't too bad either. Reminds me a bit of Injustice 2.

As much as I have issues with Darkseid being introduced so early I do like that he had a brief confrontation/glaredown with the League, foreshadowing a possible in person encounter and that the League needs to expand if they are going to fight against Darkseid.

Steppenwolf's design has greatly improved and looks better than before.

Loved the scenes between Alfred and Diana. Wish there was more of that.

I loved how the movie added Cyborg, Aquaman and Flash attempting to stop Superman from getting to Batman. I also liked how in this version, Batman pleading to Clark's humanity telling him that world needs him and he needs to snap out of it. Also bonus for taking out that scene of Batman on the ground groaning about how old he is getting.

Okay seeing Clark get the black suit and having the voiceovers of both his father's merge together works in terms of Clark's arc into becoming the person he was meant to be. Also like the use of Zimmerman's Ideal of Hope score wished they let it play out a little longer. Probably my favourite moment in the film is where Superman just takes Steppenwolf's Axe like its nothing and freezes it.

Now to go into some of the more critical stuff that bugged me when watching.

For a movie that is 4 hours long, pacing issues were bound to happen. I think the first example of this can be found in the opening with the Superman scream wave (which started to get a bit hilarious when his screams could be heard every now and then) hitting all three mother boxes. they are shown individually reacting to it and it takes time, where it could have just showed them together or an compilation of each of the motherboxes waking up. I know it Snyder's thing but tone down on the slow mo. Like some instances its fine (like with bullet time or Flash's scenes) but other instances I'm just like alright I get it.

The scene involving Cyborg transferring money into that single mother's bank account. Is he gonna do this for all the people suffering just like her? or just for that one person? I mean if you can hack into the world monetary system, you can solve a lot of financial issues affecting the majoirty and not just one person. Did I miss the scene but why did Cyborg go from helping one poor person, suggesting the potential good he can do to change the world for the better to "Fuck the world". Seems a bit inconsistent in character. Especially since he knows who Diana is (from what he says) and that Parademons are after the motherbox. Maybe her offering help, you should take it? idk Vic. Also the whole Auto defense system malfunction, would it not be better if this was established beforehand where we see Vic struggling to maintain his body's autonomy leading up to the Superman confrontation? Prior to that it seemed he had it under control and his biggest conflict throughout the movie seemed more to be with him coming to terms with his new body. With that being said, Cyborg's character here is much more interesting and better than it was originally. I can see why Ray Fisher is so pissed (well that and the abuse he faced). I am glad this was improved and gave the character a lot more to do.

The movie still has the same issue as before in regards to the whole motherbox plot and how convenient it was that all three are located on earth. You would think that with the involvement of Darkseid/Steppenwolf that separating them to distinct locations across space would make it more difficult to collect them. I mean we know that the Green Lanterns exist (we saw one get chomped), you'd think that they or the guardians would take one and secure it on Oa. The pushback to this would be "well there was only one green lantern and he died, so how could they retrieve the box?" which begs my question, why send only one? I mean it has been established that Darkseid is a known conqueror of worlds, you'd think the Guardians would be smart enough to send more than one Lantern to aid Earth in their fight. Did they not think it would be a good idea to have the corps be more involved/keep an eye on earth since it is the only planet that was able to repel Darkseid's forces?

Why is it that the best idea of security when it comes to humans is to bury it? Would it not be better in optics to look over it and know its location instead of dropping it somewhere on the off chance that someone might find it due to being curious or the land changing/altering making the box more easy to attain? A situation as dire/serious as this, you would think that the Amazons/Atlanteans would have been better prepped with armor/weapons for such an event. I mean you have the arrow of Artemis that shoots quite a distance to give Diana a message but not some kind of weapon that hurts/cripples Steppenwolf? Or better yet, how about the moment that the boxes started acting up after Superman's death, that Atlantis/Themiscarya would put aside any differences they had with one another and to the outside world to come together to secure the boxes? How could Darkseid forget the name of the only planet that was able to force him to retreat? nor does he know that it harbors the anti life?

Did this movie break Aquaman's continuity? because from the dialogue between Mera and Arthur, its implied that Atlanna abandoned/left Arthur at Tom's doorsteps whereas in the movie, we see Atlanna spend a couple of years with Tom and raising baby Arthur before she was forced to come back. You'd think Zack being a producer for the Aquaman movie would have edited that line or made it more clear. Well that or James Wan F'ed up when making the movie.

"I've never seen a being as strong as Steppenwolf" Did Diana just forget Ares aka the god of war who killed the Greek Pantheon/Old gods and orchestrated the first World War? Hell from the looks of the flashback it seemed Ares (I'm assuming its Ares, if its Hades, my bad) was getting some good hits in on Darkseid, who is superior to Steppenwolf. While we are on the topic of Diana, it's a bit odd that Snyder who was a producer on WW84 where one of the biggest focuses on the movie that Patty Jenkins talked about was how Diana doesn't solve her problems with violence (even though her primary weapons in this movie are a sword and shield but okay. Then again New 52 hasn't done a good job in disproving that), yet in this movie we see her using her gauntlet smash to fucking kill the one remaining terorrist. Like sure you can argue that they were terrorists and deserve to die, but given how easy and quick it was for her to take out the previous guys, why do something that runs the risks of destroying the very building that you are in (with hostages). I mean from the look of the blast and how much debris fell from the building outside, and it was a miracle no one (but the terrorist) got hurt/killed.

Why did Steppenwolf kidnap them in the first place? Just use that mind extracting device you used on the Atlantean soldier to see if they know. Seems like a waste of time to collect them in one location only to interrogate them later.

Okay, I'm sorry but even in this cut I still don't like Miller's Barry Allen. He isn't as bad as he was in the theatrical cut but man does it stick out. When he is helping to escort the kidnapped civilians out, why doesn't he just grab them and transfer them to a safe distance? He even makes a comment about how slow they are going. Can I also just say how weird it is for Barry to take time saving Iris to caress her hair and look at her more creepily in slow mo? Like yeah its in slow mo but still I think your priority should be to get everyone to safety as quick as possible and check if anyone else could get hurt. I will admit that Barry's speech as he is running so fast to reverse time at the end was really good. Tho the more I think about all the slow mo Flash scenes are good.

They still kept the "Let's use the mother box to bring back Superman plot". Why? This is a piece of tech that you don't fully understand how it works and you are going on the whims of someone you just met. Especially if they come back as a different person/mindset all together. If Superman 's death was the reason that allowed for the Mother box to call to Steppenwolf/Darkseid, what the hell were they doing prior to Superman's arrival on earth? I mean we've seen how easy it was for Steppenwolf to attain the two boxes even if they were guarded, so why the wait ?. I get that Batman is going through an arc and trying to change from the person he was but how does go from "1% chance of absolute certainty" to "let's go on a whim and have faith" when it comes to resurrecting Superman?

Its gonna be awkward as to how Clark will explain his sudden return from the grave around the same time Superman came back.

I was wondering when the Knightmare scene will play out. Jared leto's Joker isn't over with me, it seems way too try-hard to be edgy. Other than that yeah, not much I can say about it. Tho do we seriously need another iteration where Superman (or someone with Superman like powers) is evil?

I also love how nonchalant Bruce is about J'onn appearing in front him. However the revelation that J'onn was that army general all the time breaks so much of continuity (and just why now did you decide to show up and help and not idk the time Zod invaded and nearly terraformed earth, HELL WHY TF DIDN'T SHOW UP TO HELP THE LEAGUE IF YOU KNEW ABOUT DARKSEID, I'M SORRY TO RAG ON BUT REALLY THIS CAMEO JUST OPENS UP SO MANY QUESTIONS, IT JUST SEEMS LIKE AN "PALPATINE WAS BEHIND THIS ALL ALONG" KIND OF THING ).

In terms of getting a sequel, I am not sure if WB is going to go through with it given that their current vision seems to be a different route than the one Snyder intended so who knows. Despite my criticisms I do believe this is Snyder's best DCEU film to date and probably one of his better films. You could tell that he put in a lot to make this. The movie itself does have issues mostly due to the plot surrounding the motherbox as well as pacing. I would say it's worth the watch at least once, though I think its best to watch it in doses rather than one sitting. Ultimately this is the version that we should have gotten and I can see why so many people who were supportive of Zack wanted or vouched for him to finish it. Regardless, I think the very least I am happy for Snyder. If you like Snyder's previous stuff, you will like this one, if you don't, your perception of the film won't change significantly other than some cool bits here and there.

#dceu #justice league #snydercut #snydercut spoilers #dc comics

3 notes · View notes

lena-in-a-red-dress · 5 years ago

Note

Hey :) Can I request a Lex vs Lena showdown with some drama and hurt/comfort? Also supercorp and if possible some big sister !Alex and Kelly thrown in the mix. Sorry if it's too vague!

Her plan never fully comes to fruition. It never does, Lena acknowledges. Not when her brother is involved. But with a gunshot wound in her side steadily oozing blood and her hand wrapped around a deadman’s switch, it looks like at least this will be the last of him.

The last of both of them.

“Don’t pretend you’re going to let go of that detonator,” Lex sneers from where he lays. He has his own pool of blood spreading around him, thanks to the fight that had ended with Lena’s rapier in his gut. “We both know you’re too weak.”

“Last time you doubted me, you ended up with a bullet in your chest.”

Her brother coughs wetly. “Proudest day of my life. My baby sister finally growing a spine.” When he laughs, bloody spittle spatters against the tile floor. “Shame it didn’t stick.”

Lena knows he means her resolve, but her brain jumps to his death. She’d killed and the bastard had somehow crawled his way back not only to life, but to the same pedestal he’d fallen from years before.

“This time, I’ll make sure it does.”

“And take yourself out with me? Kamikaze isn’t your style. Never was. Too much good left to do, right? Always.”

Lena shakes her head, and moans when it sets the world to spinning. She slumps against the wall behind her, exhausted. She’s done. She knows it. She can feel it in the warmth of her own blood coating her chilling skin, in the empty room around her.

She gazes at the detonator in her grip, and feels her fingers start to relax.

“Not this time.”

Dying without anyone to mourn had always been a possibility for her future. She just never imagined it would feel this lonely.

“Lena, stop!”

The sharp shout snaps her back into focus-- her grip reflexively firms on the detonator, ensuring her death would last just a little bit longer.

She looks up to find Alex Danvers sprinting towards her with James’ sister on her heels. Kelly. A sob claws its way up Lena’s throat. They aren’t the faces Lena wants to see, but the sight of them still spreads a bloom of warmth in her empty chest.

Alex slides to her knees in front of her, only stopping when Lena finally has the presence of mind to pull away.

“Don’t come any closer,” she rasps, lifting the detonator in warning. “Don’t try and stop this Alex.”

“What are you even doing?” Alex beseeches. “Why didn’t you wait?”

“Wait for what? For him to get away? Or for the goons to come for me too?”

A shadow of doubt flickers behind the agent’s eyes. “Face it, Alex. If I’m arrested, I’ll be the only Luthor who stays in prison. We both know it. This is the only way to stop him.”

Alex shakes her head. “No. No it isn’t. You’re not a murderer.”

Lex laughs, low at first, then tumbling into a gasping guffaw. Alex ignores him.

“Lena, listen to me.”

A warm hand touches her knee.

“I know things have been rough. I can only imagine what it must feel like, to have your entire world turned upside down again and again. First your brother, and then Kara, and now Lex again--”

“You too. You lied too.”

“I did. And I’m sorry for that.”

Lena isn’t expecting the admission or the apology. They sit, heavy and sour, waiting for a response that Lena can’t provide. Her thoughts feel slow, and she knows it won’t be long until she doesn’t have a choice. None of them would.

“Go,” she croaks. “Only Luthors need to die today.”

“Bullshit.” Alex’s pleading sharpens into anger. “That is such bullshit. This isn’t some grand attempt to rid the world of your poison, or curse, or whatever the hell you’re calling it! You’re giving up!”

Huffing a laugh, Lena nods weakly. “Late to the party as ever.”

“I will not let you--”

“What else is there?”

“Everything! Jesus, Lena!”

Everything.

The idea forms bittersweet in Lena’s mind. She used to have it all. Everything she ever thought she wanted. Now… now she has no friends, no company, and no reputation, good or bad. She’s just… a name. A shell. No one in this reality knows her. No one cares to.

Mind wandering, Lena calmly observes that her entire life ended the day she shot Lex. She lost Kara. She put Lex in a position to reset reality. This… this would just be a formality.

“You have L-Corp, Lena. With Lex gone you’ll have full control-- you can rebuild everything--!”

“Just to lose it all again? No, thank you.”

Doesn’t she realize how hard it was to rebuild L-Corp the first time? To claw every success from the jaws of defeat, only to be knocked down again on the next pass? While she had found enough happiness in it at the time, it had been a neverending struggle. The idea of accepting that struggle again when true peace was so close at hand… It fills every inch of her, and she knows the darkness at the edges of her vision will soon swallow her completely.

She’s ready.

But Alex isn’t done.

“I lost my father,” Alex confesses. The urgency of before is gone, and suddenly it feels as though they are the only two in the room. “More times than I can count. I’ve grieved my sister’s death. I looked down the barrel of reality unraveling itself, and I still can’t imagine how you must feel right now. But I know... I know how inviting it is to just… let go.”

Lena struggles to lift her head, until a callused hand cups her cheek and helps tip her chin up to regard Alex gazing steadily back at her. Unwavering.

“All I’m asking is for you to let us help you let go,” that kind face says, “and keep going.”

The words don’t process in a way that makes sense to Lena’s dimming mind. All she knows is that the agent settles on the ground like she’s in for the long haul, and Kelly hovers unwilling to leave Alex. They’ll both die with her.

However willing she is to die, Lena knows she can’t bring the both of them with her.

She summons the final dregs of her energy to nod. When fingers reach for the detonator, it’s not to take it from her, but to wrap securely around Lena’s failing grip. Though it’s just her hand, the touch feels like an embrace, and when Lena blinks fat tears squeeze from her eyes to splash on numbed cheeks.

Behind Alex, Lex cackles roughly, lifting a detonator of his own.

“Like I said. Weak.”

He presses the button.

“ALEX!”

Kelly darts forward, Guardian’s shield expanding on her arm. Alex hunches over Lena’s fist, squeezing with all her might. Lena’s last thought as her vision fills with Kelly shielding all three of them under a shimmering blue forcefield is that she really should upgrade James’ gear.

---

Lena wakes to nothingness.

Ow.

Oh. Maybe not quite.

She pries open her eyes and squints at the medbay around her, registering the glass panes separating them from the rest of the building and the sleeping figure slumped in a visitor’s chair at the side of her bed.

Kara.

“For fuck’s sake.”

Supergirl bolts awake, eyes blinking blearily before focusing on Lena. “Lena--”

“Don’t.”

There’s a surprising bite to her tone, contrary to scrape it takes to get her voice to leave her throat. It stops Kara in her tracks, and she sits back as though Lena had smacked her hands away from reaching.

Huh. Looks like she might have a superpower of her own.

Guilt trips.

Lillian would be thrilled.

“I’m just… too tired to do this again.”

Kara’s gaze falls briefly, before returning to Lena’s gaze. “Do what?”

“This. All of it. I don’t-- I don’t want it.”

Oh, sure. Now her voice decides to wimp out.

She switches tacks, reaching for the first thing that came to mind. “Alex?”

Kara nods. “She’s fine. So’s Kelly. They were both discharged days ago. You would be too, except for the bullet in your side.”

So the gunshot wound is what kept her here in Kara’s reach. Great. She’d have to thank Lex for…

Alarm twinges in Lena’s chest.

“And Lex?”

A pause precedes Kara’s response, and in that interminable moment Lena’s mind races towards the worst.

“Dead. As far as we can tell. His remains were identified through his dental records, and DNA is pending, but…”

“Death doesn’t seem to stick, does it?”

“Only for those who deserve it least.”

Lena can hear the weight of lives in Kara’s words: lives lost, lives she still answered for, lives she would never forgive herself for losing. She’s sure Alex is one of them. Maybe even Kelly. Lena’s not so sure she does, anymore.

“Lena?”

Turning her head, Lena meets Kara’s tear-filled gaze.

“Alex, um… she mentioned some of what you said, in the bunker, and-- I just…”

Lena rolls her eyes back towards the ceiling. “Don’t flatter yourself, Supergirl. It’s been a long time coming.”

Silence follows, long and deep. Lena can almost imagine she’s alone, and then-- “That’s not what I meant.”

Oh, god. The tears are audible in Kara’s voice, and a lump rises to Lena’s own throat unbidden.

“I only meant to say-- I’m sorry you had to struggle with that alone.”

Shit.

“And that I’m here, whenever you want to talk.”

Lena wants to huff in derision, or roll her eyes again, but she doesn’t trust herself not to break down into tears. She’s spent so long being so angry that she stopped feeling anything altogether. And now all she can feel is sad-- for herself, for being unable to reciprocate any of the emotion Kara is exuding with every syllable. The tears in her eyes are sympathetic reflex, nothing more, but there’s no way in hell she’s going to give Supergirl the satisfaction--

“I’m not going anywhere.”

All Lena can do is let her fingers curl around the palm that settles in hers.

For now, it’s enough.

89 notes · View notes

robotnik-mun · 5 years ago

Photo

So, what happens when I decide to throw caution to the wind and mash together as many fucking Sonic Continuities as I possibly can? You get a big ass tangle of a family tree that needs to be split up into five separate images, that’s what.

It’s ugly, it’s unpolished, and I made it on a whim. Because the mental image wouldn’t leave me. And because I actually started developing this godforsaken nightmare of a family tree, born of merged continuities, headcanons, and sleep deprivation.

Now keep in mind that this thing is pure crack- it implies a world where Sonic eventually collapses from exhaustion of having to fight TWO Robotniks. It’s a mish mash of what-if’s, continuity mergers and personal ideas glued together. And I wanna stress it has nothing to directly do with my current setting- this is just like, The Path of Insanity.

Anyway, yeah. Against my better judgement I made notes for this insanity. Also, you may notice pictures of characters from other franchises being used as portraits for various characters. Those are basically faceclaims of sorts, meant as abstract representations rather than the literal idea of what they looked like... since, honestly, even I’M not cruel enough to inflict my ‘art’ on you.

Anyway, let’s get the ball rolling-

“Robotnikhotep”

-Robotnik Ancestor in ‘Mobigypt’. Was probably some big important muckity-muck.

“Julius Robotnikus”

-Probably Mobius’ answer to Caligula. His family eventually fell out of power and was forced to re-settle in what would eventually become Overland.

Ivo Kintobor

-Yeah, that whole ‘House of Ivo’ thing? This is the guy responsible. Most likely a douchenozzle, as there is a high concentration of that in the bloodline. Basically a minor warlord who unified a bunch of clans to form his own Kingdom, that was subsequently absorbed into Overland during the unification.

Brutus Kintobor

-Oh wow, a SKINNY Robotnik/Kintobor. This douche canoe attempted to conquer Angel Island for the Overland, but failed miserably. Sent back home in disgrace, a failure.

Gerald Robotnik

- Originally born Gerald Kintobor of the House of Ivo in Overland. He was more interested in science than politics, and after completing college he left that mess behind and immigrated to the United Federation. He changed his name to signify the break from his family history.

-Explored Angel Island in his youth, where he learned about Chaos Emeralds and the like from the various ruins there. He was even friends with then-guardian Janelle-Li.

-Started up Robotnik CORPS. He founded it as a way to disseminate his technology to the people of the UF and earn money to fund more experiments.

-You know the rest. The ARK, Maria, NIDS, Black Doom, Shadow, yadda-yadda-yadda.

Olga Robotnik

-Gerald’s wife. Duh.

-She met him while he lived in a spare room her father was renting out. She’d collect his rent. They grew close and eventually had kids and started a family.

-The shit this poor woman endured is amazing, but she managed to remain unbroken by it, and tried to remain close to her surviving grandchildren.

Grigory Robotnik

- The first son of Gerald. He wasn’t a genius, but he pursued a career in academics and became a doctor of physics. He had two children, Warren and Maria.

-After the ARK incident he became paranoid and accused the government of covering up what really happened. The obsession to uncover the truth destroyed his physical and mental health, and he died a shunned outcast ranting on pirated radio stations about various conspiracies.

-Died in a halfway house, but he managed to get ahold of Gerald’s diary before biting it. While he never got to use it to bring down GUN, it still paved the way for Eggman’s eventual use.

Amelia Robotnik

-Maria’s mother. After the ARK incident and the supposed death of her children, she fell into a deep depression and eventually committed suicide. In case you haven’t noticed, the story of the Robotnik family is depressing as fuck.

Warren Robotnik, ‘Warpnik’

-Maria’s brother. What a tweest!

-He was with her on the ARK, and demonstrated a similar scientific gift to his grandfather. He wasn’t close to Shadow the way Maria was.

-When the ARK was raided, he was captured and subjected to brainwashing treatments by GUN in the hopes of turning him into a loyal, in-house mad scientist. All it did was make him batshit crazy.

-He escaped some time during the Great War, and is now loose in Mobius, a lunatic geneticist fixated on continuing his grandfather’s ‘great work’... or at least his own warped perception of it.

Maria Robotnik

-You know her. You love her. Her life is a tragedy. She’s Maria! Nuff said. Years later, and she still weighs heavily on Shadow.

Ivo Kintobor

-And here is where things get a bit confusing! Ivo was born ‘Ivo Robotnik’, the second son of Gerald. Long story short, he was a douche more interested in politics and profit, and as such did not get along with his father, who bequeathed the family company to his younger brother.

-Despite this, Ivo SOMEHOW managed to reproduce. And when the ARK incident happened, he bought the government line hook line and sinker. He changed the family name back to Kintobor and moved everyone back to Overland to start anew.

-He’s like 50% responsible for Julian winding up the way he did.

-And yes- he DOES want to bulldoze the puppy orphanage to create a combination oil rig/toxic waste dump.

-Was murdered by Julian, who disguised it as an accident.

Lydia Kintobor

-ICE BABY ICE.

-Julian and Colin’s mom.

-She 100% supported her husband’s douchery, and was an active participant in tormenting her secondborn son in the hopes of ‘breaking’ him out of being a genius.

-Killed in the same ‘accident’ that took her husband’s life.

Colin Kintobor Sr.

-Born in the United Federation, but moved to the Overland as a child and grew up there.

-Major league Nationalist and Human Supremacist. Prick.

-Hated Julian basically forever and was encouraged by his parents to do so. He became their ‘golden child’ and was pushed to succeed at everything.

-Pursued a career in politics, law, and the military, and eventually served as a general in the Great War.

-Was eventually murdered by his own brother

Miriam Kintobor

-Colin’s first wife, via arranged marriage.

-She was pretty much his opposite, yet despite that fact the two came to genuinely love one another.

-Died giving birth to their son. Have I mentioned the Kintobor/Robotnik family history is a trainwreck yet?

Angela Kintobor

-The second wife of Colin. She probably met him while serving as a military functionary during the Great War. She is also the mother of Hope Kintobor.

-Other than that, I got nothin’. She likely died when Hope was young, by way of Swatbot invasion. Seriously, do NOT become a Kintobor Love Interest.

Colin “Snively” Kintobor Jr.

-You know him, you hate him! It’s the Snivster, bay-bee!

-His mother died giving birth to him. His dad blamed him for this. You can guess the rest.

-You know most of the story- crappy childhood, admired his uncle Julian, helped him take over the Kingdom of Acorn, spent a decade as his punching bag, etc etc.

-After seemingly offing Julian during Endgame, he briefly took over the Robotnik Empire.... and promptly lost it to Naugus, forcing him to flee for his life. In exchange for information about Robotropolis’ defenses, King Acorn spared his life but sentenced him to be imprisoned forever.

-Was busted out by a returned Julian so that his uncle would be able to properly ‘thank’ him for losing his empire. Helped the FFs to escape Robotnik’s revenge, and after spending time bumming around with them (and hating it) decided to throw in his lot with Crazy Uncle Ivo.

-He’s regretted it ever since... though he sticks with him because its either Ivo or Julian, and Julian will ensure his death is cruel, messy, and lingers for years to come.

Hope Kintobor

-The second child of Colin Kintobor. She was born during the later years of the Great War and spent much of her early life living in siege conditions as Overland tried and failed to stop the advancement of Robotnik.

-Eventually she witnessed the death of her father and remaining family at the hands of Robotnik before being saved by Sonic. She had an extended stay in Knothole afterwards, where she slowly learned that much of her people’s views of Mobians was innacurate.

-She eventually moved to the United Federation as a ward of GUN, serving as the technology expert for Team Dark. She is close to all of them.

-Seeks to redeem the name of her family so that it’s legacy won’t be one of bloodshed, conquest and madness. She’s got a waaaays to go, to put it mildlry.

-Despite everything she still cares about her awful, awful half-brother.

Dr. Julian Robotnik

-Had a REALLY goddamned crappy....well, life, basically. Take my word for it.

-Has basically murdered his entire immediate family by this point.

-Prior to the Great War he aided the Overlander Ministry of Conflict in toppling the legitimate government of the Kingdom of Amunopolis (Aleena’s Kingdom), forcing it’s royal family to flee to the Kingdom of Acorn and re-settle under new identities, with crown princess becoming ‘Bernadette Hedgehog’. That’s right- he’s indirectly responsible for Sonic existing.

-Blah blah blah evil experiments blah blah war crimes blah blah sentenced to be executed by Overlander government during the Great War and blah blah blah coup.

-Took over a large swathe of Mobius and expanded to conquer more, and for a time seemed like he might conquer the entire planet. The Robotnik Empire is.... not a fun place. Then or now.

-Then Sonic and the FF’s happened. Then Endgame happened, and he was... indisposed for a while, leading to his empire being diminished. While he has returned, he has suffered numerous setbacks since then, and the Robotnik Empire is now greatly diminished from its peak.

-That being said, he still rules a pretty big part of the planet, and is still the biggest danger to the world at present.

-Hates his cousin Ivo.

-REALLY goddamn hates That Hedgehog.

Laura Kintobor

-That’s Doctor Laura Kintobor (nee Ellison) to you, buster.

-She and Julian both worked as scientists with Overland’s science ministry, where they met and befriended one another. She eventually managed to coax Julian out of his shell, and their friendship bloomed into a romance, which led to the two marrying.

-She worked in the organic sciences division and was an expert on biology and zoology. In contrast to most scientists, she was very much an outdoorswoman. Even managed to convince Julian to partake.

-Much like her unfortunate sister-in-law, she died in childbirth... giving birth to a stillborn daughter.

-Yeah, this shit is grim.

Theodore Robotnik

-Third son of Gerald. Blatantly named in reference to Theodore Roosevelt, who was used as a visual reference for Eggman.

-Basically a professional beancounter who later inherited Robotnik CORPS. He chose to stick with his original name even after the ARK incident, and struggled to keep Robotnik CORPS afloat in the immediate aftermath of the incident.

-Set up a trust fund for his son Ivo, and tried his best to raise him to be a contributing member of society.

-Sufficed to say, that didn’t work. If he’s still alive, he has a REALLY tense relationship with his son.

-Named his son after his older brother as a passive-aggressive act of spite for abandoning the ‘Robotnik’ name.

Dolores Robotnik

-Mother of Ivo. She was a professor of chemistry who decided to put her career on hold in order to be homemaker.

-Was much closer to her son than Theodore was, and often wound up having to play peacemaker between the two. ESPECIALLY during Ivo’s tumultous teenage years.

-Sufficed to say she is not exactly pleased with how he turned out, assuming she’s still alive even.

Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik

-HE IS THE EGGMAN. HE’S GOT THE MASTER PLAN! Really, do you NEED to know any more?

-Well, okay, you do. He was born very shortly before the ARK incident and never knew his grandfather.

-His childhood wasn’t horrible, but it was rough in areas due to his high intelligence making things more difficult for him than they should of be. Loads of disagreements with his dad over pursuing science. Spent years plagued by the derogatory name of ‘Eggman’ due to his weight problems.

-You know how you fantasize about ruling the world as a kid? He never really left that stage of things.

-He initially worked as a research scientist in the fields of AI and energy. During the Great War he was approached by GUN to develop weapons for them. His research would go on to form the basis of the robotic soldiers later used by them in the Robotnik war.

-Began his plot to take over Mobius during his time there, and secretly began to appropriate resources and machines to build a hidden base on the distant South Island. Eventually his schemes were discovered by GUN, but he fled.

-While his cousin conquered portions of Mobius elsewhere, Eggman began his long term Death Egg scheme as a means of conquering Mobius in one fell swoop with the aid of the Chaos Emeralds.

-You can guess how it goes from here- he encounters Sonic on South Island and in the Scrap Brain Zone and is defeated, thus setting the tone for MANY other defeats in the future. He eventually took on the name ‘Dr. Eggman’ as a way to differentiate himself from his cousin, and to make the insult that dogged his life into a name to be feared ala ‘Penguin’.

-When his cousin Julian was seemingly killed and the Robotnik Empire in dissarray, Eggman started new bids to take over the world. He established the Metropolis Zone as his ‘capital city’ and founded the Egg Army to help supplement his Badnik Horde. The Eggman Empire now exists as a terrorist army at the beck and call of Dr. Eggman, though he’s still got a ways to go.

-Has four sons by three different women. Slut.

???

-Haven’t got a name for her yet. She was a random girl that a college age Ivo knocked up, which putty much put an end to her collegiate ambitions. She gave birth to two sons, one of whom she bitterly named ‘Ivan’ as a reminder of his origins after failing to get child support out of her babydaddy. She re-married and is currently leading a comfortable enough life. Humors her son because she knows it annoys his biological father.

Ivan Eggman

-The oldest of Eggman’s sons. In his mid 30s or so. Scientifically gifted, as his father was.

-Has numerous, numerous issues pertaining to his stepfather, a hard and strict man with little toleration for nonsense.

-Idolizes his biological father and desperately wants to be acknowledged by him, even changing his original surname to ‘Eggman’. Eggman the 1st was NOT amused.

-Eventually founded a company, Eggman Industries, and grew rich rapidly. Settled by the Bygone Islands where he pursues life as a ‘villain’ now, though really he’s more like a public nuisance than anything.

-Honestly he’s basically living a ‘second childhood’ of sorts using his scientific know-how and riches, and has vowed to one day impress his father and earn his acknowledgement. As you can imagine, it is.... not working out at all, given that he’s even more of a goober than his pop.

-Ironically, he isn’t naturally bald- he SHAVES his head.

Steve

-Yeah, he ain’t a robot here- Steve is the organic, younger (by about a minute) twin brother of Ivan.

-Utterly unconcerned with science or any of that jazz. He’s basically a bohemian beach bum, complete with californian accent- he spends much of his time surfing and earning cash from side jobs.

-Really mellow and easy-going, and doesn’t really dwell on stuff.

-Utter himbo.

Mrs. Robotnik

- Ex-Wife of Ivo Robotnik. Haven’t given it too much thought, but she and Ivo met while working in acadamia, and eventually married.

-Initially the relationship was pretty solid, and they even had a child together. However things swiftly deteriorated between the two as Ivo’s immaturity and increasing anger at the world strained their relationship, along with him being a lousy parent to their son. She eventually divorced his ass.

-After going through a rough patch with her son, she has begun to re-connect with him after his years a delinquent, and now happily supports his endeavors.

Ivo Robotnik Jr.

-Middle son of Dr. Eggman. Had a nonexistant relationship with his father while growing up, which combined with the divorce eventually turned him into a juvenile delinquent.

-He roamed with a biker gang for a while, and prefers to be called ‘Junior’ rather than ‘Ivo’.

-Fell in with Breezie for a while, the both of them unaware of the other’s connection to Eggman. They eventually went their separate ways once Junior began to turn over a new leaf. He still carries a torch for her, though is painfully aware it’d never work out. Their relationship is... complicated, these days.

-Has since become a software security engineer, making a living providing Anti-Eggman/Robotnik software to companies.

Lindsey Thorndyke

-A famed actress. She and Ivo had a drunken tryst at a wrap party where he’d been invited to act as a consultant on scientific accuracy. To avoid scandal she informed her husband, and they passed off the baby as their own.

-What more do you want. Its LINDSEY.

Chris Thorndyke

-The youngest son of Ivo Robotnik. Spent much of his life completely unaware of his true parentage.

-Eh, what can I say, I kind like the theory of him actually being a Robotnik in some capacity or the next.

-When he was a boy, he befriended Sonic and his friends and even hosted them during the days when Eggman’s schemes for global conquest caused him to haunt Station Square for a while.

-Admired his grandfather Chuck and pursued science to be like him, studying physics and engineering.

-Thanks to his mom he’s something of a film buff.

-In college he learned the truth of his heritage. This has put a strain on his relationship with his parents.

Francis Kintobor

-The youngest of Gerald’s sons. Pursued a career as a schoolteacher. While he changed his name in the aftermath of the ARK incident as his older brother Ivo had, he chose to make a small joke at his brother’s expense over the ludicrousness of the name change by naming his own son ‘Ovi Kintobor’.

-Named after Francis Mao, aka That Guy Who Made That One Comic Adaptation From 1991.

Elizabeth Kintobor

-Dr. Ovi Kintobor’s mother. A career veterinarian with a strong love of animals. That’s about it.

Ovi Kintobor

- Grew up on Westside Island, among Mobians. Had a pretty happy and contented childhood, and like many of the other various members of the Kintobor/Robotnik clan developed a pronounced interest and skill in science at a young age.

-Developed a particular interest in researching Chaos Emeralds.

-A Concientious Objector, he served as a medic during the Great War.

-Deeply, deeply shamed by the actions of his more notorious cousins, he has essentially hidden himself from the world to pursue his research and evade their notice, while helping against them in whatever way he can.

-Has secretly transported people threatened by his cousins to safer places, and once caused a mass sabotage of their respective robotic forces through the ‘Nicenik Virus’.

-An ally of the Freedom Fighters.

-Deeply distrusts GUN (which frankly isn’t a bad call).

-Bit of a hippy, but really is a genuinely nice guy who wants to help others through science.

-In some villages he is known as ‘Mr. Tinker’.

#Sonic the Hedgehog #Dr. Robotnik #Dr. Eggman #Colin Kintobor #Chris Thorndyke #Gerald Robotnik #Hope Kintobor #Snively #Warpnik #Maria Robotnik #Robotnik Junior #Boom Eggman #Steve Eggman #Robotnik Jr #Truly this was the best way to spend the finite thing known as my time on earth

125 notes · View notes

kinetic-elaboration · 4 years ago

Text

June 2: 2x21 Patterns of Force

Took a nap after work today!! Perhaps a bad idea.

Anyway, some thoughts on the... awkward Patterns of Force.

Another story about Jim looking for his hero, I see. That never (always) ends badly.

Definitely getting an image of little Spock (teenage Spock? young adult Spock? all little Spocks) reading about Earth history.

Oh no, an armed drone. That does not bode well. Why do Kirk’s heroes always betray him?

A subcutaneous transponder. That seems like a useful device to introduce into the narrative. (Slash remember for future purposes...)

Also it reminds of me “He’s a...a... a transponster!”

Spock in a hat. I guess the Ekosians and/or Zeons don’t have pointed ears, then.

“It’s our old enemy...fascism.”

Well this guy literally was not subtle in his references to Nazi Germany. (I’m referring in universe to what’s-his-face but this also applies to the episode writer.)

“The evidence is clear... someone did interfere.”

“You look quite well for a man who’s been utterly destroyed, Mr. Spock.” This man canNOT stop flirting for one second.

Lol, using Spock to distract the Nazi.

“It’s logical to pretend to be a Nazi? Okay, I’m convinced. You said the magic word.”

“Look! I captured him!” So proud.

Kirk’s face when Spock says he would make a convincing Nazi. Bb, you’re not doing the compliment thing right. (I’ll actually be quite honest... I find the humor in that moment but it also makes me uncomfortable given both these actors are Jewish.)

That said, Kirk is canonically better at blending into undercover scenarios than Spock is. He thinks better on his feet, creatively.

How do these people NOT recognize two whole-ass aliens.

...Maybe they do.

I do like when Kirk is being interrogated and still tries to be charming..

That Nazi really lost a lot of authority after being dressed down by his superior in front of the captives.

I like this Zeon.

“The flaw in the plan is this locked door.” Thanks Spock. It’s this subtle humor that I think people often miss in him. Like where you can’t tell if it’s intentional or not.

Kirk is so smart!!! He never gets credit for being this smart.

Hmm, taking out the transponders is such a weirdly intimate scene.

The Zeon wants to be included in this adventure so much but they’re obsessed with each other, like “What Zeon?”

“I’ll be your platform, Mr. Spock.”

This is such a weirdly humorous interlude for a story about Nazis. Kind of reminds me in a way of that conversation with the police man on City on the Edge of Forever. I mean that ep was much better but just like the sudden switch in tone.

Spock’s like “Oh, that was cool. Made a laser.”

I heard Kirk say, “You, over there,” as in directing Spock to stand over there, but the subtitles say “Beautiful. Over there.” As in, “we did a beautiful job getting out, now Spock, stand over there.” But combine them...?

Not gonna get a disguise for Spock huh? Just gonna let him be shirtless a little more for no apparent reason.

Poor Zeon. These aliens are inscrutable and not letting him in on anything.

“Alien pistols.”

“Who would win? the entire military force of this planet or two phaser-less space husbands?"

I probably shouldn’t laugh every time Kirk impersonates a Nazi but I do. "Don't mind me... completely believable Nazi here..."

The unsubtle of the Hebrew names. And of course.. .Zeon.

“We’ll be just as bad as the Nazis.” No, actually, you’re not and never will be that’s not how it works. BUT you definitely should help the aliens. Like, that phrase grates because it’s usually used to refer to, like, use of violence, use of “censorship” but here’s it more about turning away people who are different or minority and so then it does make sense but....the connotations.

Spock’s like, “May I... get away from this emotion? Has enough time passed for me to ask that?”

More Nazis! Following them everywhere!

Oh, psych. Not Nazis after all.

Spock’s like “Betraying your own father, you say? I have never thought about that.”

“The Fuhrer... is an alien?” Actual real line AND a correct summation of the situation.

This ep does not paint the Federation in a great light. Although to be fair... John Gill was breaking the rules so.

Documentary corps... I love it. Great disguise. Flash lights in people’s eyes, have an excuse to stay in a group, no on looks at you. Genius.

Spock is honestly so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed about EVERYTHING. He cannot be tamed. Again, really an aspect of him I miss in the reboots.

Kirk really is the captain of everyone in his vicinity.

“Think positively, Spock.”

Uhura is unflappable. “A Nazi Colonel’s uniform? Of course, Captain.”

Send him down naked if you have to!! Yes, please, send him down naked.

Spock giving McCoy detailed instructions on how to put on boots... Why was dialogue like this not in the reboots?

McCoy is so polite. Polite first, confused later. “Nice to meet you, Nazi--wait, Nazi???”

I love how McCoy immediately put on his drunk face and Spock was like, "An opportunity to insult McCoy?? Awesome.”

So I assumed the Chairman was either dumb or didn’t recognize them with their shirts on but apparently he was yet another mole, so. At least it’s not a plot hole.

“The speech has no discernible pattern or logic.” Hmmm, I wonder what it feels like to have a leader who speaks with no discernible pattern or logic?

Guys. Pals. Awful people. Did he really give orders, or did he just say random shit? People will flock to anything. I'll be honest, I actually think this is one of the subtler and better parts of this episode: how chilling it is to contemplate how people will rally around any non-speech that has the right tone and a few key words. This is garbage language. But it incites people to kill.

McCoy and his stimulants again.

Spock and his mind probing again.

Wow Spock really messed with his mind there. “He can answer questions but not otherwise speak?” What kind of crazy shit is that?

They are being so mean to Spock. “Malformed ears.” “Low forehead.” That’s not a low forehead, that’s bangs.

Nice triumivirate scene at the end. Feels good, feels organic. Kirk likes to hear his two BFFs bickering because it feels like all is right with the universe, and I agree. Nature is healing.

This episode has a very weird (and very hard to swallow imo) backstory. Like, who primarily associates the Nazis with efficiency? And even if you do, if you think there’s something to the way they put together the country so fast post-WWI, all of this “efficiency” is directly tied to hatred and violence. Like Isak said, the Ekosians have nothing to hold them together BUT hating Zeons. That's at the center of the design. It's not like Gill’s plan backfired it was just... a horrible plan?? It doesn’t even make sense to me that his “effective regime” was co-opted by one hateful person because what was at the center of the “Nazi” regime before the hatred of Zeons? What could it have been? There are no other alternatives provided. Also, even if it could have been somehow accomplished without the use of a scapegoat.. is fascism really an ideal? Like the story never reckoned with that concept at all, which I find disturbing.

Here’s the thing about Gill. He is a certain real type and I appreciate his inclusion up to a point. He’s the Naive, Hubristic Intellectual. He thinks because he’s studied something, academically, he knows more about it even than people who experienced it, and he can fix all of its problems. “I can do this, but better. I am so smart, I am so well-informed, I have no flaws.” I can even see this sort of person being someone a young Kirk would admire because there’s an optimism and idealism to this naivete. I don’t think Kirk is arrogant but he is very idealistic, and when he was a young man, still in the market for heroes, or at least idols or mentors? Yeah, someone with that kind of attitude toward life--that we can deeply understand and then improve upon history--would have appealed to him. It’s possible that Gill even was the “compassionate, gentle” person that Kirk thought, or that he had that side to him.

Where I think the episode erred is in absolving Gill of most of his guilt for this state of affairs. He does die and he does admit he was wrong, but his biggest sin is allegedly in introducing a regime that could be co-opted for evil rather than one that was inherently bad. He is literally drugged (tortured in a way), to emphasize just how non-culpable the narrative thinks he is. Also, while he does apologize for interfering at all, even this is fairly brief and not expanded upon in the rest of the narrative. The truth is he shouldn’t have interfered in general, because that’s not his place or his right, and he shouldn’t have interfered in this way specifically. Even if Malakon hadn’t risen and taken over, the ideal Gil was imposing was one of unthinking uniformity, lack of autonomy, worship of a leader over the rule law--these are not the values of the Federation, the show Star Trek, or me. But he’s used more as a device to explain why the show is so unsubtly Nazi, rather than a real villain or object lesson. Even though Gill is a much better object lesson than Malakon.

And what about Malakon? The ending presents him, literally and in so many words, as the “one evil man” responsible for all of this. I think we know both from studying history and, unfortunately, from our own times, that this is untrue because impossible. One evil person is just a lunatic ranting on the street corner. One evil leader became leader because others agreed and gave him power, or agreed in part, or made a deal with the devil, or disagreed but said nothing, or spoke but were overwhelmed. It’s a disservice to the subject matter to say that dictatorships or authoritarian regimes are that simple. I get that the episode is only 50 minutes and it needs to wrap up, and it’s simpler to say “Okay, killed the Villain, now we can go back to being Not Evil, all the Ekosians will be as happy as the Zeons because we never really wanted this.” But Hitler and his henchmen weren’t the only Nazis. Regular people--and in this context, regular Ekosians--weren’t Nazis too.

Overall, the episode was okay. Very awkward though. Very blunt. I think it would have been better off not using the Nazi symbology so literally. Like the idea that a human would come into a society and purposefully create something from our history is interesting (and “what if Earth but alien?” is certainly something TOS likes doing and finds various ways to do--like the gangsters in A Piece of the Action or Neo-Rome in Bread and Circuses or even literal Greek Gods in Who Mourns for Adonais?) but not worth it given which society was being emulated. It seemed to be too much an excuse to dig out the old WWII movie costumes (and put Jewish actors in Nazi regalia which... is very... distressing) and not so much an excuse for some kind of commentary along the lines of what I said above re: the hubris of historians, the hubris of time. That aspect leaves a bad taste. It had some good ideas but I think, again, it was hindered rather than helped by how literal it insisted (for some reason) on being. Compare it to A Private Little War, which was just about as obvious a Vietnam allegory as you can get, and yet still didn’t literally transport anyone to Vietnam, and this ep looks all the more clunky. I’m probably judging it more harshly than I have on previous viewings, but I really feel like... you can use sci fi to make a commentary on the rise of authoritarianism, but the delicacy of the subject matter requires you to be particularly thoughtful in the way you do it and the actual statements you’re making.

Anyway, the Enterprise Defeats Nazis is a good episode summary at least.

I think in my last attempt at a whole rewatch I stopped at around this point. I seem to have watched the next two episodes, according to Amazon, but I have a weird feeling I only watched one, the next one, By Any Other Name, and then stopped. I don’t remember either of them so we’ll see how that goes! Will they seem familiar or not?

#the year 2021 #2021: fandom thoughts #2021: star trek #star trek tos

1 note · View note

bipabrena · 5 years ago

Text

Beautiful, So Beautiful (AO3 Eruri fan-fic)

After losing his arm, Erwin finds adapting difficult. More than anything, he feels self-conscious and broken because of his new appearance. But Levi finds him as beautiful as ever, perhaps more. And he intends to let Erwin know this. Read it here.

Levi’s white shirt stuck to his muscles, and his strong feet stepped from one position to the next. The movements of his hands were fast, purposeful and precise.

He swung his leg in the air, connecting with an invisible opponent. He jumped back, punched and kicked, then dodged invisible blows.

He paused, then wiped the sweat off his brow.

He remained still for a moment.

Suddenly and quickly, he grunted and threw another punch, then another and another, left right, right left, jab and hooks, on and on.

He continued his shadow boxing, as though he had something insatiable burning inside him, but couldn’t quite get it out.

“My,” he heard, “two in the morning and still training.”

He stopped. He turned as he wiped the sweat on his upper lip, and he left his fist there.

He was met by a slightly smiling Erwin, with eyes lidded in both exhaustion and fondness. Levi took a good look at him, and found pitiful the sight of the dangling sleeve where his right arm should be.

“What are you doing up at this hour?” Levi asked, walking over to a crate. He grabbed his satchel of water, and drank.

“I’m certainly not being as useful as you,” Erwin jested.

Levi looked at him, unimpressed.

“I was heading to the mess-hall for some tea. I’m craving that herbal tea you introduced me to.”

Levi’s eyes sunk, and his unimpressed expression shifted to a scowl of annoyance.

“Come on,” Erwin said. “Why are you looking at me like that? Has your pity for me died down?” he placed a hand on his chest. “I get cravings like everyone else.”

“Yes, and that’d be fine and all,” Levi said, “If I believed you, that is.”

Erwin didn’t say anything.

“I’m getting tired of repeating myself. I’ve already told you we need that head of yours well-rested. You’re already dead weight without that arm of yours, so the least you can do is take care of your brain.”

“Would you believe me if I said I just wanted to see you?”

Levi’s eyes wavered.

He took a moment before answering, because if he did so right now, his voice would quiver—even if slightly.

Levi wiped the sweat off his face with a rag.

“More importantly, I keep wondering why you’re training at this hour. It seems that’s all you do, when you should be sleeping.”

“I’ve never been much of a sleeper. You know that.”

Because he had to grow stronger, Levi thought.

He wasn’t there when Erwin needed him most. It’s because he wasn’t there that he lost his arm. Had he not gotten injured fighting Annie, had he been in full shape and joined the fight, Erwin wouldn’t be in this state.

In this state that he was agonising over.

Erwin wouldn’t say anything, but Levi knew better.

He knew how useless he felt. He knew he was mourning his missing appendage, he knew that he didn’t feel whole.

And it was true.

Erwin would’ve never imagined just how frustrating weakness could be. He’d adapted well, but learning to dress, write and just do daily chores with his non-dominant hand was frustrating.

He knew there was always a risk of dying, he never overestimated his own mortality—but he had to admit to himself he’d never imagined he would be a cripple.

Levi had to help him around. He helped keep his office clean, he helped him stash books and he helped him with mundane things such as carrying things and cutting his meat.

It was humiliating.

Levi knew just how much Erwin agonised over this, and since he couldn’t move the way he used to, Levi had to be there for him.

He had to be twice as strong, because his priority was to keep Erwin safe.

Not for humanity, not for the future of the Survey Corps.

But because it was his Erwin.

“Go to bed, old man,” Levi said. “I have to hit the showers anyway, so I’ll bring the tea to you.”

“Old man?” Erwin smiled derisively. “How many times do I have to tell you we’re almost the same age?”

“You’re still older,” Levi said, with a slight smile that did not go unnoticed by Erwin.

“I’m serious,” Levi said, wiping his arms. “Go lay down and I’ll get your tea for you.”

“Oh, fine. I guess losing an arm isn’t too bad if it means I get to be pampered by you.”

Levi organised his belongings, and he couldn’t help the smile from contorting on his face. “You’re disgusting,” he said with that wide smile, which made Erwin smile in turn.

Levi then looked at him, and Erwin was surprised to find Levi’s glistening eyes.

Those eyes he adored so much. Those eyes that went from dull and slanted to wide and glimmering whenever Erwin said something that moved him.

“I won’t take long,” he said. “So go make yourself comfortable.”

Erwin nodded and left for his room.

After Erwin left, Levi hit the common showers.

He closed his eyes as he stood underneath the shower head. The water ran down his body, and he held a hand against his firm, muscular abdomen. He lathered himself in soap, and when he unexpectedly thought of Erwin, he felt a strong, hard beat against his chest.

He didn’t take long showering, not wanting to keep Erwin waiting.

In the mess-hall, he prepared a tray with two mugs, a kettle and biscuits. He headed to Erwin’s office, and knocked with his feet.

“Come in,” he heard.

He balanced the tray on one hand, and opened the door. He walked in to the sight of Erwin sitting at his desk, looking over some papers.

“You idiot,” Levi said, eyes slanting. “I told you to lay in bed, not work.”

“You told me to look after my brain,” Erwin retorted. “There is no better way to do so than keeping it fresh. It is a muscle of its own, you know. You must exercise it.”

“Tch,” Levi scowled, “you’re trash.”

He placed the tray on the whisky table, and poured the tea with his very pronounced scowl—a scowl that charmed Erwin to no end.

He placed Erwin’s mug and small platter of biscuits on his desk.

Levi grabbed his own mug, and sat across Erwin. He crossed his leg and rested an arm against the top railing, holding the mug in his usual unusual way.

“What were you doing?” he asked.

“I was reading Bertolt and Reiner’s files.”

“Why?”

“Curiosity,” Erwin said sincerely.

“That’s a lame ass excuse if I’ve ever heard one.”

“It’s the truth, though.”

They were in silence for a moment, until Erwin closed the files and finally grabbed his mug of herbal tea. He thanked Levi with a smile, and Levi nodded.

They drank their tea and ate the biscuits in silence.

When they were finished, Levi insisted it was time for Erwin to sleep.

But Erwin was having none of it.

They argued and argued, until Erwin gave an ultimatum.

“Only if you spend the night here.”

How could Levi refuse?

“You’re a clingy, old man,” he said as he grabbed a pillow and shook it to make it fluffier.

Erwin shrugged, with no intention of arguing against him.

With a sigh, Levi plopped on the bed. After him was Erwin, and the mattress jiggled from the impact.

Erwin lay on his back, and Levi turned to his side. He crossed his arms, and his expression softened as he looked at Erwin.

“Two months, huh,” he said softly.

Erwin remained quiet and still, but he then turned to his side as well. He looked at Levi.

His eyes, his nose, his lips—until his eyes trailed up to meet his gaze again.

“That’s right. We’ll finally plug that hole.”

“But we have to kill these two brats first,” Levi said. “Otherwise it will be for nothing. Do you think we can do it?"

“Frankly,” he said, “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

Understanding and with no desire to refute Erwin, Levi nodded.

They were in silence, until Levi scurried closer to Erwin, and there was little distance between their faces.

They looked into each other’s eyes, and almost simultaneously, they could feel their hearts beating a little faster.

It was then that Erwin wanted to grab a strand of Levi’s soft hair and place it behind his ear, but all that happened was that his stump moved.

Erwin frowned, and Levi could only frown back.

Erwin looked down to avert his gaze from Levi’s eyes, clearly embarrassed.

It deeply pained Levi.

He was beautiful. So beautiful.

He had nothing to be ashamed of.

It was then that he scurried even closer to Erwin, until there was practically no distance between their bodies. He gently held the stump, and stroked it with his thumb.

“Beautiful,” he said.

Erwin looked up at Levi, and was amazed to find his sincere, glistening eyes.

They clearly looked at Erwin with adoration, and Erwin couldn’t stop the light in his eyes from expanding.

His brows then furrowed, and he smiled.

Levi brought his face closer to Erwin’s, and he closed his eyes as he pressed their foreheads together. “So beautiful,” he said.

With his only hand this time, Erwin cupped Levi’s cheek, and his lips met Levi’s.

Levi closed his eyes with a long inhale, wanting to take in Erwin’s scent.

Erwin stroked Levi’s cheek with his thumb, and Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin. He kissed him tenderly, and embraced him with all the love in the world.

Their lips locked and moved more quickly as the kiss became more passionate.

Levi wrapped his legs around Erwin’s waist, and he brought them even closer, sealing off their warmth.

Erwin moved his lips to Levi’s throat, and he plastered kisses across it. Levi moved his head up to give him more space, and with a little moan, he squeezed Erwin.

“So beautiful…” he said, running his fingers through Erwin’s hair.

They both felt heat travelling through their loins, until their pants began to feel a little tighter.

With a sharp inhale, Levi took control and rolled Erwin on his back. He sat on his lap, and he brought his head down to kiss Erwin.

Read the rest here.

#snk #Eruri #levi ackerman #Erwin Smith #eruri fic #attack on titan fanfiction #snk fic

19 notes · View notes

medea10 · 5 years ago

Text

Medea’s Top 20 Animes of the Decade

Hey all! Disappointed in some “best of” lists of this past decade? Well…prepared to be possibly disappointed some more because I’m doing one now! Here’s a top 20 list of my favorite animes that came out in the 2010’s. I seriously couldn’t do 10 this time due to how many awesome animes came out this decade. Unlike my anime superlative list, I’m going to be stricter here. Anything that aired in Japan before January 2010 is stricken from the list (which sucks because that means Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood & InuYasha: The Final Act are disqualified). And these are going to be MY favorites from this decade. Be aware that there will be popular animes I leave off the list due to my own personal opinions and the fact that some of them I have not watched yet. So I’m just going to tell you right now, don’t expect My Hero Academia, Hunter x Hunter, or Demon Slayer on this list because I have not watched any of that shit! Let’s get cracking!

20. Cardcaptor Sakura: Clear Card (2018)

After nearly 20 years since the end of the first series, Cardcaptor Sakura returns with a sequel no one asked for and no one expected to come back. But it definitely brought back the nostalgia for those who grew up watching CCS. This story gives a continuation where Sakura is in middle school and ends up collecting a whole new set of mysterious cards. And the series is what you would expect with the cutesy feel whenever Sakura is with Li or it gets really intense when Sakura’s up against a really powerful card. While the ending leaves us on a bit of a cliffhanger with no continuation in sight, this series was one of the best reboots I’ve watched in recent years.

Available to watch on: Crunchyroll, FUNimation, & Hulu Coming soon to home video

19. The Rising of the Shield Hero (2019)

This is my first (modern) Isekai and I gotta say I really enjoyed the story. Unlike other anime characters that travel to another world, the main character Naofumi is not praised as a savior nor put on a golden pedestal. Quite the opposite, this guy has to fight for even a shred of respect from anybody. Because after watching past protagonists like Miaka Yuuki, Kagome, and Kirito, that trope gets boring. Despite many of these episodes making me physically ill as I watched Naofumi being shit on by the other heroes and everybody else, it was great to watch this struggle with Naofumi to become a great shield hero.

P.S. Myne is still a raging cunt!

Available to watch on: Crunchyroll & FUNimation

18. My Love Story!! (2015)

One of the BEST rom-com animes out there! The story of a gentle giant boy named Takeo falling in love with a sweet, petite girl named Yamato and their story as a couple. Yeah, the big difference between this anime and a bunch of other anime rom-coms is that Takeo and Yamato reveal their love for each other in episode 4 in a 24 episode series! By anime standards, that’s unheard of because most love stories want to wait until the finale for something like that. This anime is just a cute story of watching Takeo and Yamato bloom with their budding relationship. Yeah, I admit some of the stories can be a little boring. Sometimes the beginnings of romances have a slow-start before we get to the good stuff. But even when they’re doing little things, they’re just so cute to watch.

Available to watch on: Crunchyroll, HI-DIVE & Hulu Available for home video

17. Durarara!! (2010, 2015-2016)

This story is a complete cluster-fuck, but I don’t care. The stories that come from this anime and the characters make this one of my favorites. Durarara follows the strange stories that happen around the town of Ikebukuro with a headless motorcycle rider, super-human strengthed men, an internet troll who loves to mess with humans, otakus, a mad scientist, a parasitic carrier, and gangs of different sorts. But if you would ask me what’s my favorite thing about Durarara (because there’s a lot of random things for anyone to choose), it would of course be any time Shizuo Heiwajima is on the screen. This guy is just pure rage in a bartender’s outfit. He’s able to casually pick up and throw a vending machine at a person, he can punch the clothes off a guy’s body, and even kick a mid-sized car down the street.

Available to watch on: Crunchyroll, Hulu & Netflix Available for home video

16. Daily Lives of High School Boys (2012)

If you’re looking for something random and hilarious to watch, look no further with this one. Each episode has random segments, mostly featuring three boys, Tadakuni, Hidenori, and Yoshitake in some of the most absurd moments ever showcased in an anime. Just to name a few fun moments; being caught experimenting with women’s underwear, finding a clever way to kill a hornet (indirect kiss), intellectual talk with a cute girl, using your jacket as a soccer ball replacement, and how to unzip your fly without using your hands! That last one still confounds me. But the show also expands to other characters around school and town. I know this series is severely random to have a coherent plot, but sometimes I prefer randomness. And that’ll continue with the next entry!

Available to watch on: Crunchyroll Available for home video

15. Nichijou (2011)

Yet another random segment anime (only this time with girls)! I know the official title is “My Ordinary Life”, but there is nothing ordinary about an anime where you have a six year old professor, a talking robot girl that was created by the six-year old professor, a talking black cat, high school girls capable of body-flipping police officers, a young boy who rides a goat to school, a high school girl capable of firing a bazooka, and a principal who fights a deer. That last one is just epic! If for no other reason to watch Nichijou, just watch the scene where the principal fights a deer! Much like Daily Lives of High School Boys, this series relies more on the random shenanigans of many of these characters (but mostly the main three girls, Mio, Yuuko, and Mai). It’s silly and fun! Check it out and give this anime a little love. Because there’s no way it’s getting a second season (Japan showed no love for this one)!

Available to watch on: FUNimation Available for home video

14. ERASED (2016)

I don’t care what manga readers say, this was a fine anime, you anal-rententive fuck-wipes (soooo not sorry for that statement)! This murder-mystery captured my attention when it first aired. The story is about a man named Satoru who has this ability to go backwards in time (usually a few seconds or minutes) to prevent a tragedy from occurring. But after an incident involving his mother, he ends up going all the way back to his ten-year old body in 1988 in order to prevent a tragedy from his childhood. This included saving his classmate, Kayo from her premature demise. It was a catchy time-leaping mystery that would enthrall me week after week…up to a certain point. Yeah, you can already guess who the culprit was early on. But all the suspense leading up to this was still a great tale.

Available to watch on: Crunchyroll & Hulu Available for home video

13. Panty & Stocking w/ Garterbelt (2010)

GAINAX, you wishy-washy, crazy-ass, can’t give a full conclusion to a story to save your life, leaving us on a decade-long cliffhanger bastards, YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN!

So this bizarre-ass anime is about two bitch-angels kicked out of Heaven, named Panty and Stocking. One likes to fuck men and the other gorges herself on sweets! In order to get back into Heaven, they must exterminate ghosts with the help of a black priest named Garterbelt, a fanboy named Briefs, and an Invader Zim knock-off named Chuck. And did I mention Panty and Stocking use their own lingere as weapons to take down ghosts? This story is balls-to-the-wall insane! And it gets crazier when you pop in the English dub! Dick jokes, fart jokes, and a whole lot of fucks! As any superhero show will do, this anime does stay to the villain of the episode trope with a few leeways here and there. This included a segment dedicated to the late Satoshi Kon and a music video. All of this leading to an ending NO ONE expected to happen leaving us on a cliffhanger that is now going on 10 years. Regardless, this absurdity in a thong is a treasure to behold. I would also advise not doing a drinking game whenever one of them says “Fuck”. You’d be dead by the end of the first episode!

Available to watch on: FUNimation Available for home video

12. Attack on Titan (2013, 2017-2019)

*singing incoherent Japanese*

YEAGER!!!

Get ready to get hooked on two of the catchiest opening themes of all time! I thought it was just about a young boy taking revenge on a race of titans for the death of his mother. No one expected there to be a twisted, messed-up origin to the titan race where the main character is connected to everything! That’s all my messy thoughts coming out after witnessing the climax portion. As for the rest of you, Eren Yeager’s world is turned upside-down when the town he lived in is demolished by titans. As a result, the entire town is demolished and left for dead and Eren watched as his mother is eaten by a titan. Eren ends up joining the Survey Corps along with his friends Armin and Mikasa to take down titans and prevent another town to suffer the same fate as Eren’s home.

Going into this anime, I SERIOUSLY thought this was going to be a comedy. You would too if you were going off of all the memes that emerged in 2013. But this anime takes a sharp left turn when Eren discovers a horrifying secret involving his own body. After that, this lead to more unbelievable discoveries involving people we all initially thought was the supporting cast. And this is as cryptic as I can be without delving into severe spoilers. The only way to get my meaning is if you watch this series. It’s just…WOW!

Available to watch on: Crunchyroll, FUNimation, Hulu, & Toonami Some seasons are available for home video

11. Kill la Kill (2013-2014)

A girl with a giant pair of scissors picking a fight with the main bitch at school, all the while wearing a sailor suit that talks to you! That is the balls-to-the-wall insanity Studio Trigger gives you in a show like this. Ryuko Matoi enrolls in Honnouji Academy in search of the person who murdered her father. There, she comes face-to-face with the potential murderer, Satsuki Kiryuin. Satsuki rules over Honnouji as she has a special uniform capable of giving her super-human strength. But what Satsuki doesn’t know is that Ryuko is about to get a special uniform to give her that as well. A talking sailor uniform named Senketsu helps Ryuko in her journey of finding her father’s murderer. Yeah, this series goes all-out with the special powers brought on by certain clothing. Then again, it’s Japan and fanservice is a must in at least 75% of animes! I mean, there are moments where Senketsu gets skimpier on Ryuko, not leaving much to the imagination. As absurdly off the wall this anime was, I enjoyed every frame of it and it’s easily one of Studio Trigger’s best works.

Available to watch on: Crunchyroll & Netflix

10. Food Wars! Shokugeki no Soma (2015-2019)

You’d think with my picky-ass, I would have never watched an anime about cooking (and if my family is reading this, close this page now and play a wholesome game of shutting your gobs). But Food Wars never fails to increase my appetite. Yukihira Soma ends up in Japan’s most elite cooking school (with a 10% graduation rate) where he finds himself up against Japan’s and even the world’s greatest up and coming chefs. And every now and then, he ends up having to go up against one of these chefs in a cook-off known as a Shokugeki. If it wasn’t for the food orgasms, I would easily tell my cooking-show obsessed family members to watch this. I know no normal person would ever strip off all their clothes and have a raging orgasm when eating delicious food. But hey, it’s Japan! Gotta stick in fanservice somewhere! With inventive ways to spice up a regular dish, I may one day broaden my taste-buds into more exotic food-stuffs. Just, keep the peanut-butter squid away from me.

Available to watch on: Crunchyroll, HI-DIVE, Hulu, & Toonami Some seasons are available for home video

09. Your Lie in April (2014-2015)

Grab your tissues, children. We follow Kousei Arima as he regains his ability and passion for playing the piano with the thanks of new-found friend Kaori. What can I say about an anime that’s so beautifully animated with likeable characters and music to die for? OHHH…I shouldn’t have said that last thing! Yeah, the main character Kousei goes through quite a bit in his life dealing with the aftermath of his mother’s death and having to relive seeing someone he cares about die the same way. There’s just so much you wish would happen with these characters and watch as it’s dashed away during a Chopin piece. OHHH…I did it again! Well folks, if you’re into tear-bait and classical music, definitely watch Your Lie in April!

Available to watch on: Crunchyroll, Hulu, & Netflix

08. The Promised Neverland (2019)

One of the newest entries with one of the most shocking first episodes in recent history! I know in the past decade we got a lot of first episode hookers like Attack on Titan, but if you came in this blind-folded, get ready for a trip. We follow orphan children Emma, Ray, and Norman as they plan to escape their home before they become food for hungry demons. In a weird way, this anime is almost like the 2000 film Chicken Run. I know I’m not the first person to think that up, but yeah, gotta say it here. This was one of my favorite animes of this year and I was hooked week by week with what was going to happen next. It got so intense that immediately after the series ended, I picked up the manga to find out what happens next. And let me tell you, it gets more insane after the events of episode 12. But one thing that always astounded me was watching all of these kids plot an escape so elaborate when all of them range from ages 6-12.

Available to watch on: Crunchyroll, FUNimation, & Hulu

07. Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid (2017)

What would you do if you opened the door one morning and found a dragon standing outside? Not just that but what would you do if you were living with more than one dragon and you now find yourself hanging around other dragons?! Kobayashi’s world changes for the better as she meets a dragon (named Tohru) that loves her so much that she would happily become her maid. And given the stigma for eons between humans and dragons, this series we see cute interactions with humans and dragons. Up to a point that it feels like all these characters are becoming family! There’s a dragon named Fafnir who finds humans horrible people, but ends up changing for the better when he finds himself hanging with a human that plays video games and creates manga. But I’m always so drawn to the relationship of Tohru and Kobayashi. Kobayashi was never really close to her family and when she moved away she mostly spends her nights drinking alone. But once Tohru and Kanna move in, it’s always a fun day with their cute shenanigans. It’s definitely brought Kobayashi out of her shell and gave her a family of dragons to live with.

And there’s this cute little dragon named Kanna! She’s so cute and adorable! Look at her nom at just everything she eats. She’s so adorable! Who’s a cute wittle dragon? Yes you are! Yes you are!

As a final note in this particular entry, I want to mention one particular member of the staff. Yasuhiro Takemoto! This man was the director for Miss Kobayashi, as well as many other animes from Kyoto Animation and I feel the need to thank this man for all the hard work he had done. I’m thankful for all of your work in the anime community and we miss you.

Available to watch on: Crunchyroll & Funimation Available for home video

06. Pokemon XY (2013-2016)

It might be cheating a bit to put a Pokemon series on this list since they’ve been around since 1997. But it’s not a continuous shot like Detective Conan and One Piece, so I’m counting the XY arc for this list. Even though this series didn’t show me my favorite character and it gave me a shipping that’s worse than Herpes (with a cult for that ship that’s on par with MAGA), this was one of the best arcs to the Pokemon series. And I was excited for this series when it first came out because with the introduction of Mega Evolution, I was hoping for Ash to delve into that. While Ash wasn’t the one using Mega Evolutions, we did see him grow more through a synchronization method with Greninja that brought about so much in terms of battling. Just to name a few awesome moments with these two, he took down an iceburg pokemon, went toe-to-toe with a champion, and even made it all the way to the finals of the Pokemon League. Now did he win that league? That’s not important! What is important is that these were some of the best moments this series had to offer.

But it wasn’t just Ash we followed, but an anime-only character introduced named Alain as we followed his journey to becoming stronger through Mega Evolution. It felt risky following a different person for 5 or more episodes (without mentioning Ash), but it was all worth it when we came to the climax of the series when Team Flare came from the shadows. Listen guys, I know Pokemon has given some disappointing seasons before (especially the arc prior to XY), but if there’s any season you should watch, it’s definitely this one.

Also, Rica Matsumoto sings this one song called XYZ. I don’t know if you all have heard this song, but I think you should. It’s so bad ass and always pops up in some of Ash’s best battles in this series…in the Japanese version! I love it so much that I always feel the need to bring up XYZ whenever I talk about this arc.

Available to watch on: Disney XD, Hulu, & Pokemon TV Available for home video

05. Puella Magi Madoka Magica (2011)

I will always be a sucker for magical girl animes. Especially since Sailor Moon was the very first anime I watched fully! But Madoka Magica was…different and edgier. The premise is that a cute, white animal asks you to form a contract with it so you can become a magical girl. Magical girls defeat witches that cause havoc! Better read the fine-print on the contract ladies, because what the little rat doesn’t tell you is that you eventually become a witch yourself and will end up dying a horrible death, thus repeating the cycle. This anime would always leave me in a state of awe when watching it, whether it was the shocking deaths or the clever animation used when a witch emerges. But when you’ve got Shaft Studios animating this, expect some trippy moments. I think it’s because episode 3 was a big turning point that many of us were caught off guard by what happened and were scared of what happens next. Although thanks to Madoka, many other magical girl animes are following down the same path and trying to make it edgier. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but I gotta say Madoka has definitely set the bar on edgy magical girl shows.

Available to watch on: Crunchyroll, FUNimation, & Hulu Available for home video

04. Violet Evergarden (2018)

Prior to this anime’s release, Kyoto Animation had a reputation for putting out anime that was geared to the “moe” genre. But with recent releases of A Silent Voice, Miss Kobayashi, and Violet Evergarden, their style has evolved into something I can’t describe in just one sentence. This anime is just beautiful to look at. The animation is just stunning, look at it. Now, I was a bit turned-off by the main character of this series, Violet. First of all, she literally looks like Saber from the Fate series and has arms that rival Ed Elric of FMA. Secondly, her almost robotic personality really turned me off. But it wasn’t until later in the series where we watch her interact with the people she was helping in each episode that made me truly appreciate what she’s doing.

Violet was once used as a tool for war and would always obey her commanding officer. But once the war was over, she found herself as an “Auto Memories Doll” where she’s writing letters people want to send to someone. Many of these episodes, we watch her see the world outside of the war and hell she was put through in her past. Her words were able to bring people together, heal two fighting nations, bring a family closer together, give closure to a grieving family member, and so much more. Add to that, this series gave out one of the most heart-breaking episodes I’ve ever watched in anime. It made me ugly-cry and that rarely happens! Not just me, but litereally everyone who ever watched this episode, but also Violet herself. This episode (that’s episode 10) was like the first time where she felt actual human emotions for anyone other than the person she once loved. This episode felt like a turning point in how I felt about Violet as well as the show in general.

I feel I have to say a little more on this entry. This anime is without a doubt, the most beautifully animated anime of this entire decade (despite what OTHERS have to say). And it couldn’t have gotten that way without the talented folks at Kyoto Animation. I can’t express enough how much I’m blown away by this series. Only now when I think about it, I get horribly depresssed due to the recent tragedy that struck KyoAni. Only now, do I appreciate all the hard work to put this masterpiece into action. And I wish it didn’t take me until a tragedy to watch this anime. But I’m glad I was able to watch Violet Evergarden. And I wish for you all to take the time to do the same!

Available to watch on: Netflix

03. Assassination Classroom (2015-2016)

Stand. Bow. Kill your sensei! Middle school students being trained by professional assassins to take down a yellow-tentacled monster (who is also their teacher)! These students must assassinate their teacher within one year, otherwise the world will blow up. Now I had my reservations watching a cast this big! I mean, we’re watching an entire 28-person class try to shoot their teacher. Thankfully, I didn’t grow to be annoyed by the concept like with Negima. I loved nearly all of the students and remembered many of them. One of the biggest drawing points with me is that, all of these students were seen as the ones to give up on. They were in the lowest-level class where school, family, and society have just given up on these children. Being in a much similar situation in middle school, I can relate. That’s why when I saw someone like Koro-sensei teach these kids so much more in the world of academics, it made me happy to see these kids have someone to look up to. Many of these episodes were fun to watch. Koro-sensei is a laugh-riot sometimes when the class has to do an activity together. Add to that, one of the hardest to watch goodbyes in recent history. For a good laugh and a good cry, Assassination Classroom is the way to go.

Available to watch on: FUNimation & Hulu Available for home video

02. Yuri on Ice!!! (2016)

AAAAAAHHHHHHH! *random screeching noises*

Why yes I love this series! It is so beautiful. I wish to see more of this in the future. I would like for Viktor to have Yuri’s babies. Don’t at me! I didn’t expect this series to give the female viewers an actual loving relationship between two of the main male characters. But halfway into the series, we get the kiss that cemented the deal. So besides the gay relationship, we’ve also got a beautiful soundtrack, animation that’s stunningly gorgeous, a story about an underdog working his way to receive a gold medal with the help of his hot, Russian coach…God, I just love this anime!

I’m a sucker for a root for the underdog story. And Yuri Katsuki definitely fits that description! Before Viktor came along, he was coming off of a humiliating defeat at a previous competition where he came in dead-last. But throughout the series, we watch Viktor mold Yuri into something audience members have overlooked in this boy. Viktor taught Yuri what love really is in more ways than one. But Yuri isn’t a total zero-to-hero in a span of 12 episodes, but at times he does come damn-near close. Every week, I’m amazed at how much Studio MAPPA put so much effort into this. While the quality did take a slight dip in some of the final episodes, so much has happened before that I’m willing to let that go. Watch Yuri attempt at making history with Yuri on Ice.

Available to watch on: Crunchyroll & FUNimation Available for home video

Before I get to my anime of the decade, how about I quickly do my TOP 10 ANIME MOVIES OF THE DECADE? No commentary, just announcing them quickly.

10. The Last: Naruto the Movie (2014)

09. When Marnie Was There (2014)

08. Maquia: When the Promised Flower Blooms (2018)

07. Dragon Ball Z: Battle of Gods (2013)

06. Kizumonogatari (2016-2017)

05. The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya (2010)

04. Pokemon: I Choose You (2017)

03. Your Name (2016)

02. A Silent Voice (2016)

01. Wolf Children (2012)

CLOSE CALLS FOR THE LISTS: Black Lagoon – Roberta’s Blood Trail, Sailor Moon Crystal, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, Fate/Zero & Fate/stay night: UBW, Angel Beats, The Wind Rises, Parasyte, One Punch Man, Aggretsuko, Steins;Gate, Inu x Boku SS, and Dragon Ball Super.

And now, #1…oh, you should already know what it is by now. One of my favorite animes came back with the vengeance in 2019 that no other anime can touch it. Rightfully so! You know it, I know it, let’s get it over with! So say it with me now, three, two, one…

01. Fruits Basket: 1st Season (2019)

Thank you! Just…thank you! In a time where I hate reboots, this one was handled with the utmost care. What can I say about this anime that everyone else hasn’t said already? This anime is like warm soup on a cold day. The nice pick-me-up when you had a shitty day on the job! That beautiful rainbow you see after a rain shower!

Coming upon a family with a terrible secret, there’s much hesitation on who (if any) can be let in without being hurt. Tohru Honda accidentally learned of the Sohma family secret, where if one of them is hugged by someone of the opposite sex, they’re turned into an animal from the Chimese Zodiac. These people have had to live with this stigma their entire lives. Because of this, relationships are put in turmoil, obtaining friends was damn-near impossible, and everyone has to be on a constant state of worry in case their secret comes out. But Tohru loves and accepts everyone, no matter what. In many of these episodes, we see Tohru reach out to the members of the Sohma family to tell them that she sees the good in them and that they are loved. To reach out to the hurt, silent tiger, Kisa! To reach out to the mentally-scarred rat, Yuki! To reach out to the heart-broken dragon, Hatori! And to give a hug to Momiji…when his momma won’t!

All of these individual stories always gets to me! Even re-told, these stories have improved 100%! And in some cases like Ritsu’s story, done better than the original! I watched the original story God-knows how many times! But with the remake, I found myself re-watching random episodes in my off-time when I should be watching something else. I always have to go back to watching everything from this series. From the good and the sad! From the ultra-laughable moments, to the jaw-dropping moments! In a time where many of us yearn to be accepted for who we are, an anime like this feels absolutely necessary. I know it might be biased of me to pick something from this year and cheating a bit considering at the beginning of the decade I was heavily into the original series. Regardless, this is still my pick for Best Anime of the 2010’s.

Available to watch on: Crunchyroll, FUNimation, & Hulu

49 notes · View notes

arlingtonpark · 5 years ago

Text

SNK 128 Review

Attack on Titan/Terminator crossover when?

The last two chapters were an inexplicable low point for the series. Quality storytelling zoomed by us and jumped right out the window.

It was like the opposite of how most fans viewed the early days of the series. In those days, the story was good, but the art was atrocious. Now the art is great, but the storytelling is atrocious.

Characters said things without explanation, events happened without explanation, there might have been a teleporting horse or two at some point. I don’t know, but it was bad.

Now, I’m happy to say this chapter is SNK back in full form. This was peak Attack on Titan.

…For good and ill.

Let’s start with the good.

One of the best things about this series is the action. The action is almost always great, and a big reason why is that Isayama isn’t afraid to go big.

There were lots of big moments in this fight sequence.

Mikasa crashing through the window, Armin shot full of bullets, Annie and Reiner, Kiyomi beating Floch’s ass. It all made for an exhilarating read.

Isayama also understands how to pace an action scene.

Unlike every other part of his story. This was an obligatory potshot sorry not sorry.

There’s a beat to the sequence. Big moments punctuate lengths of relatively calmer action.

Mikasa crashes through the window and saves everyone. Next big thing is Armin getting shot down, but in between the two moments is Mikasa and everyone fleeing the thunder spears. It’s something of a reprieve between major plot beats.

There are reprieves like that between all the major moments. Isayama is inexplicably uneven with applying these principles to the whole story, but he typically does it well in action sequences.

See: the last two chapters.

Relatedly, another great thing about the chapter is the stakes. This is also to do with the pacing.

There’s a great escalation to this chapter.

Armin and Connie try to trick Floch because they want to avoid a fight, Floch doesn’t take it, Kiyomi fights back unexpectedly, Mikasa steps in, they flee for their lives, Armin is taken out, Annie and Reiner step in with their titans, and Connie kills in cold blood.

The stakes get higher and higher. That’s what good pacing looks like.

And on a more macro scale, we get an update on Eren’s progress and it’s worse than we thought. He’s already reached the mainland. Millions are probably dead.

That’s a big thing to drop on us just before a make or break action sequence.

Stakes have been risen.

Ok, now for the bad.

First off, Magath.

I mean, he’s saying things that make sense, but you can’t just have a character do a 180 with no build up.

Magath is talking like he’s thought a lot about this. Sure would have been nice to see some of that thinking.

The fatal flaw for this chapter is that it’s just a retread of the Uprising arc. All this action is cool and well done, but at base, it’s all stuff we’ve seen before.

Once again, we’re faced with a brother vs brother kind of conflict. People who should be comrades in arms are forced to turn their arms against each other. The only difference is that this time the government our heroes rebel against is a bit too in love with fighting for survival.

This could have been an interesting contrast. Attack on Titan has usually been emphatically supportive of fighting for survival. The OG Uprising happened because the government refused to fight and the Survey Corps decided they had to overthrow them.

This time, the government is so in love with fighting that death means nothing to them. Floch kills people just for talking back to him. I’m sure he’ll gladly die if he thought it’d help his race.

This was a great opportunity for the series to explore a new angle on its usual themes.

To some extent, the series has already touched upon this. That’s why Eren is a 3000 lbs. dino-titan right now. He took the SNK mantra too close to heart; now he’s a lumbering monstrosity bearing down on innocent lives.

So put this down as a missed opportunity to expand on that.

Instead of that, this chapter is spinning its thematic wheels, stuck in Uprising-era thinking.

“O, woe is me, must I really turn thine arms on my fellow countrymen? Must the world be so cruel?”

That is the conflict of this chapter in a nutshell.

Totally a retread of the Uprising arc.

The final scene, where Connie has to kill a compatriot in order to save Armin’s life, is exactly the same as the scene in Uprising where Armin had to kill the soldier threatening Jean.

Same setup. The killer, Armin in Uprising and Connie in this arc, has expressed reservations about harming his compatriots even to achieve his goals.

That person finds themselves in a situation where the life of a comrade is threatened by a compatriot.

They have no choice but to take a gun and shoot the compatriot in the head, killing them in cold blood.

The moral is the same too: sometimes, you have to kill to survive.

The character writing suffers because of this.

For some reason, Isayama decided be wanted to make the exact same point again, but he didn’t want to put any fresh spin on it.

Thus we are served with the absolute disservice of Jean, Connie, Armin, and Mikasa forgetting the Uprising Arc ever happened, and the lessons they learned from it.

Their experiences from Uprising are directly and obviously applicable to this current situation, but it never occurs to them. It’s honestly stupid of them.

That’s a problem with Isayama. It’s really hard for him to present a viewpoint genuinely opposed to his own in good faith.

There is no debate in this manga. Characters disagree sometimes, but one side is always obviously wrong and one side is always obviously right, and you can tell because the wrong side is always struck silent when confronted by the right side’s #truth.

I get that the point is that they don’t want to kill their compatriots, but still, Jean, Connie, Armin, and Mikasa…are adults, right?

They should be able to articulate a strategic vision that doesn’t entail killing people, even if it’s just to avoid doing something they don’t want to do, shouldn’t they?

In fact, I’ll do that right now.

“We want to be at full strength when we face Eren, so we should avoid a fight at all costs.”

I came up with that on the fly! -flexes-

When Reiner tells them to just hang back and let the warriors fight, Connie rightfully points out they’re basically being infantilized, so I guess that Isayama’s point is that they are being childish, but still, their characters should be past that point.

(Mikasa gets points, though, for coming closest to a smart rationalization.)

The strongest example of this character regression is Connie’s outburst. Connie is pressed on avoiding a fight and he explodes on them.

“You know we’re here in order to save people, right?! So, why are you making it sound like we’re going to have to slaughter all these people on the island?! How did it turn into this?!”

Da fuck is he talking about?

How, indeed.

No one is talking about slaughtering everyone on the island. Where is this even coming from?

Well, maybe that’s the point. Isayama, flawed writer that he is, can only think of Connie’s reluctance to kill his compatriots as deranged, so he’s having Connie talk like a deranged man.

Yeah, that would make sense, if only…

Annie: You’re right.

No, he’s not! What are you doing!?

Look, maybe I just have the wrong perspective on this, but I think Annie is completely fucking wrong.

It’s true the warriors are the only ones with a personal stake in this. They’re fighting for their homeland’s survival; the 104th is not. So she’s right, the warriors have no right to make them kill their fellow countrymen.

But that lack of a right goes deeper than that. The warriors have to right to force the 104th to help them at all.

And you know what that means?

It means no one is forcing the 104th to be here.

The warriors can’t ask them to fight their compatriots because more broadly they can’t ask them to fight Eren. They chose to stand against Eren anyway.

Choosing to fight Eren very clearly extends to fighting his pissant lackeys.

The warriors cannot ask them to fight the Yeagerists because that is an extension of not being able to ask them to fight Eren. Naturally, them choosing to fight Eren means they’ve chosen to fight the pro-Eren Yeagerists.

So, ok, our heroes are forced to dirty their hands, and the series wants us to think about why that is. Why did it have to come to violence?

K, I’ll bite. Let’s think about this.

Let’s dive in deep on this. Why does this violence keep happening?

And don’t say it’s because of the cycle of violence Isayama talks about.

I’m talking even deeper than that.

Why does the cycle happen in the first place? And what perpetuates it?

It happens because people always forget the past. They don’t remember history.

Ok. And why don’t they remember?

They don’t remember because of a complex web of factors, some personal and others structural.

Think about it this way:

Right now, brothers are killing brothers. Why? To get an answer, why don’t we look at another time when brother killed brother.

In the 1860s, a war was fought in the United States. Many states tried to destroy the country to preserve their fundamentally racist way of life.

Brother killing brother. Why did it have to come to that?

I think Abraham Lincoln said it best.

“On the occasion corresponding to this four years ago [1861] all thoughts were anxiously directed to an impending civil war. All dreaded it, all sought to avert it. While the inaugural address was being delivered from this place, devoted altogether to saving the Union without war, insurgent agents were in the city seeking to destroy it without war—seeking to dissolve the Union and divide effects by negotiation. Both parties deprecated war, but one of them would make war rather than let the nation survive, and the other would accept war rather than let it perish. And the war came.”

This is from a speech he gave in 1865, a month and a half before his death, and a few weeks before the end of the war.

The war happened for structural reasons and personal ones.

For both sides, war was acceptable as a means to an end because of the incentives of the moment. The situation was structured to make war an option.

At the same time, there were personal factors involved. It’s not that the war would have happened no matter what personalities were involved. Indeed, the right man at the right time can make a big difference.

Why did Connie and Samuel have to fight?

Part of it is because there’re hotheads like Floch calling the shots.

Floch is the absolute worst man for this moment.

But so far, this has been purely descriptive. Ethically speaking, one side is clearly in the right.

Lincoln nailed it in his speech:

“Both parties deprecated war, but one of them would make war rather than let the nation survive, and the other would accept war rather than let it perish. And the war came.”

One side countenances war, while the other merely tolerates it.

So why do you think this had to happen?

I’ll tell you what not to think.

“Violence is one thing you can’t take from humanity.”

Thinking about it in terms of violence and being violent, as Yelena does, is lazy.

There are reasons why the world is cruel, but that’s actually a good thing, because if the world is so cruel for a reason, that means we can change the world and make it less cruel.

And that, if you squint really hard, is another theme of Attack on Titan.

#shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #snk 128 #snk chapter 128 #spoilers

12 notes · View notes

i-heart-danchou · 5 years ago

Text

Ache

The sun is bright and shining, and Levi aches. He tells himself his body is worn out from the excursion, and slowly he puts himself together for the day. It hurts, still, to think of that empty chair in the great hall. Erwin hasn’t been forgotten yet, and that helps keep Levi standing.

The report comes out, and Levi prepares himself for the onslaught of anger directed at him. He doesn’t expect them to understand, yet as he sees Roy’s hands quiver around his teacup, he knows that he made the right choice.

This world is fucking hell.

He is a blank canvas as he walks in the street. His face feels numb, his blood feels cold, and all around him are whispers and cruelty. The mission to retake Wall Maria is all anyone can talk about, and Erwin Erwin Erwin is dancing on their lips.

A great man made a great sacrifice, it’s all thanks to him we’ve come this far. His most trusted subordinate was so foolish— how could he choose that child over the commander? Such a lapse in judgement, such a tragedy. Erwin was smart, right? And yet he couldn’t see the wicked selfish heart in Levi’s chest. How sad, how sad, how sad. Levi has doomed humanity.

Words like traitor are thrown around, people questioning Levi’s loyalty, his sanity, his intelligence. Levi had sworn to kill Erwin after all, that thug, that monster, Erwin was an idiot for believing in him.

Floch’s tirade is unwelcome and unsurprising. Levi stands alone in shadow, his fists clenched and his heart aching. He knows. He knows Erwin was the best choice for humanity, for Levi, for everyone.

But it was not the best choice for Erwin.

Erwin’s smile comes to the front of his mind, and Levi’s soul clenches. He thinks of his empty bed, the empty chair, the hole in his heart that will never be filled. Levi resents the world for spinning, the sun for rising, life for marching onward when Erwin Smith was dead.

Armin’s small voice is of small comfort; even he knows he should not be alive right now. And still, even now, even after watching Erwin bleed to death, Eren stands his ground. They are children, Levi reminds himself, they do not understand.

No one understands.

Levi pretends he hadn’t heard them as he informs the last survivors of the survey corps they are to receive their rewards.

Levi’s mind is blank as Historia places the bolo tie over his head. It’s wrong. This is Erwin’s tie, Erwin’s honor, the weight of the stone feels foreign around his neck. He screws his eyes shut and kisses the hand of the queen. Levi doesn’t kneel to anyone but Erwin, but he’s exhausted and miserable and he can’t conjure the energy to protest. This is, in effect, Erwin’s funeral. It’s not about Levi, and he won’t complain no matter how disgusting it all feels.

Erwin is dead, and in his weakest moments, Levi blames himself. It was the right thing for Erwin, he knows that in his heart, but… it doesn’t always make it easier to bear. Erwin is dead. Erwin is dead. Erwin is dead and Levi will spend the rest of his life alone. He will rip that stone off his neck as soon as he has some privacy, and never look at it again. It is the tangible medal of his betrayal, a heavy reminder of the price Erwin paid. It makes him sick, and he cannot bear it.

Winter comes and goes, and Levi takes it upon himself to retrieve Erwin’s bones from that house in Shiganshina. He isn’t sure what to expect; a rotting corpse maybe, or flesh torn apart by rats and birds… there is part of him that wonders if he will be unchanged, his gleaming golden hair, his beautiful face. Perhaps he’ll look peaceful, perhaps he’ll stretch his arm out and sit up, chiding Levi for taking so long to find him.

The air in the room is stale and dank, and Erwin’s body lies undisturbed where Levi left it. There is an odor, but Levi ignores it out of respect. It’s not Erwin’s fault he died, it’s not his fault that he had rotted away. He suspects Erwin would apologize for the smell if he could.

Levi pulls the cloak away from Erwin’s face and his stomach drops. Levi has seen death before, he has seen skulls before, but he has never, ever ached like this over a body before. Erwin’s flesh and skin is gone, his hair largely missing, his eyes shrivelled and eaten by time. ‘You’ll never see his face again’ his mind chirps at him. ‘This is all that’s left. These white bones and your memories.’

Time creeps on, and it’s harder and harder to remember Erwin’s face. Levi tries to conjure it now, but the toothy smile of the skull before him replaces the heartfelt warmth he associates with Erwin. Hollow sockets instead of sparkling eyes, stale decay instead of cologne and tea and ink. It hurts, and he picks up Erwin’s bones one at a time.

“I’ll get you home.” He says to no one. “You did so well.”

There are parts of his ribs missing, and the bone of his right arm is splintered and rough. It must have hurt, Levi thinks. Every day it must have hurt.

It’s sickening how Erwin fits in a small sack now. Such a powerful imposing man, reduced to hollow bones which knock together in the bag on Levi’s shoulder.

He’s taken to pretending Erwin is with him sometimes, and he finds it makes things easier.

Thank you Levi. Erwin says in his mind. I missed you. I was lonely here. I’m glad I’m going home.

It’s empty and pointless but it keeps Levi standing. “I know. I’m sorry it took so long.”

You did your best, Levi. You always do your best and I’m so proud of you. I don’t blame you, I never blamed you.

The Erwin in his mind says what Levi wants to hear, and Levi pretends that it doesn’t bother him. Erwin clacks around in the bag and Levi ignores the noise. He owes Erwin this much, at least.

The ceremony for Erwin is beautiful and dignified. Many people speak about their memories of him, how good and honorable he was, how bravely he fought.

Hanji speaks. Armin speaks. Nile speaks.

Everyone looks at Levi and he says nothing. He’s never been one for nostalgia and lingering, and he doesn’t want to give anyone fodder to use against Erwin.

Levi can’t win, really. If he speaks, they’ll blame him for letting Erwin die, how dare he, how can he give a eulogy when he pulled the trigger? A monster, a monster, a devil. If he doesn’t speak, they are vindicated. He never cared for Erwin, he thought Armin was more pure, less damaged, such an idiot to think Armin will save us. Poor Erwin, poor Erwin. He should have lived. He could have saved us.

His eyelids are heavy and Levi bears it. The stares, the whispers, the judgement.

They won’t understand, Levi. It’s not your fault. I know why you did what you did, and I thank you for it. You don’t owe them anything.

In his mind, Erwin is smiling… his hand is on Levi’s shoulder, he’s squeezing lightly and he has both arms now. For a moment all is gentle and calm in Levi’s mind, but that never lasts very long. Erwin’s face melts away to bones and ash, and those warm fingers turn to claws and dig in Levi’s flesh.

You killed me. You wonder if you were right, Levi. You wonder if I wanted this. To watch, muted, while the world goes to war. Were you right, Levi? Were you right?

‘No,’ he thinks, ‘Erwin would never harm me,’ and the monster in his mind laughs.

Yet you killed him. I bet he thought the same about you.

They march towards that stupid fucking ocean. Erwin had dreamed of a future like this, free from titans and danger, where man could explore and expand to his heart’s content. It’s a beautiful thing to be so free, and he imagines Erwin beside him.

His eyes would be sparkling as they got closer and closer, that boyish excitement that he struggled to rein in exuding from his face. The wind in his hair feels great, the weather is perfect, and he’s smiling. Isn’t it brilliant, Levi? I always wanted to see how far we could go.

The space beside Levi is empty, and he stares straight ahead. The air smells different, and he’s been in the SC too long to let his guard down now.

Before them is the most vast expanse of water Levi has ever seen. It glimmers in the sun and it reminds Levi of Erwin’s eyes.

There is joy in the air, and the remnants of the SC frolic in the sea like a bunch of damn children. Levi stands away, apart, not wanting to allow himself this moment of happiness. Erwin would have loved this, and he does not want what Erwin can’t have.

It’s beautiful, isn’t it? You should go swim, Levi. I’ll watch.

Levi shakes his head. “It’s disgusting. Fish fuck in it.”

Erwin laughs and the sound is like coming home. He aches when he hears it— or imagines he hears it, and prays this nightmare will end.

Erwin should be here. He should have his pants rolled up to his knees, he should squeak when the waves hit his skin, he should be losing his balance and falling on his ass in the water. Levi would roll his eyes and offer him a hand up, and maybe Erwin would pull him in too, because he’s delighted and alive and it’s fun to be here. Levi would pretend to be angry, and Erwin would see through him. Maybe later they’d fuck, and he’d stare up at Erwin after, eyes wide, watching him delight in the mysteries of the universe.

He should have been here. Levi is alone and it hurts.

It’s Eren, strangely, who grounds him once more. He listens disinterestedly as the boy postulates on the benefits of murdering everyone across the ocean. He sees the pain in Armin’s eyes, he watches as no one— not Hanji, not Mikasa, not Armin, step forward to question him.

He imagines Erwin as a titan. A monster in the eyes of humanity, forced to chase after this child and his raging vengeful whims. Perhaps his eyes would be weary, his shoulders slumped, his mind worn and damaged from all the pain he’s witnessed. Erwin would be strong, and he would fight, because that is who Erwin was. But he would suffer, and he would lose himself, and ultimately he would die conflicted and isolated.

A bird screams in the distance, and Levi kicks some of the sand with his toe. ‘I did the right thing,’ he tells himself. ‘Erwin is resting, he’s peaceful, he doesn’t have to fight anymore.’

The sun is dazzling and warm, and the world keeps spinning. For the rest of his life, Levi will try to convince himself of that one simple truth. It’s not easy, and it hurts, but it was the right thing to do.

In his mind, Erwin is smiling.

#my stuff #eruri fic #i heart masochism i guess #bittersweet #let him rest #let them both rest

229 notes · View notes