#as far as she's concerned the worst thing that could ever happen to her already has

[gallows-into-oblivion]

rotating rotating rotating. the following is how i am currently making sense of this.

Dios Apate was initially a plan to uncover information. Mercymorn and Augustine looked at the Tomb and they said: we need two things. we need God's blood, and we need a necromancer.

Wake knew the part of the plan that involved God's blood. she didn't need to know the other part. as far as she was concerned, the only thing that she needed to open the Tomb was the kid. it's possible but unlikely that Mercy and Augustine would have assumed that the child would be a necromancer - they would have wanted a contingency plan. enter the Ninth.

Priamhark and Pelleamena knew the part of the plan that involved the necromancer. either they didn't know about the blood wards, or they weren't even told why a necromancer was needed - just that one was. given their reaction to Harrow opening the Tomb, it's most likely that they had no idea why they were anonymously contacted and told that the Emperor needed an extra-strong necromancer on the Ninth specifically.

add to this the already pressing timeline of them needing an heir. pretty sure it's in the text that they'd been trying for a baby for years and Pelleamena kept miscarrying. as we see in GtN, she's not the only necromancer this has happened to - Abigail and Magnus have given up the idea of having a biological heir. the necromantic bloodlines of most of the Houses are running dry. see: the Sixth.

i don't know that the Reverend Parents would have been creative enough on their own to genocide effectively their whole House to conceive a child. but if God (presumably) needed a powerful necromancer, who were they to question? and they never told Harrow this part of it because they never heard from that anonymous source again - because Mercy and Augustine had assumed that the plan had failed. because the Tomb did not open, and even when it did, no one emerged.

because the other part of this, of course, is that opening the Tomb was never enough. Alecto's chains needed to be broken as well. i'm not sure any of the people involved knew this - i don't think any of the original Lyctors ever saw the Tomb's construction. (i'm not counting Anastasia as a Lyctor here because she wasn't one.) i think Mercy and Augustine would have thought through the blood wards and the necromantic protections and said, yeah, that sounds like it'd hold Alecto. they don't know she's a Resurrection Beast. they're trying to find out what she is in the first place.

i think they hinted to Cytherea that they were trying to get some information, and she went, oh, cool, let me know how that goes for you. i think that's why she's unsurprised by Gideon's eyes. i don't think she knew any part of the plan in any detail - i also think her lack of surprise is part of her characteristic blasé attitude toward existence in general.

one more thing: Reverend Parents were also deeply religious. Harrow inherited that trait from them. they knew their daughter - they trusted that she wouldn't lie to them about having opened the Tomb. (they were not aware of her psychosis, because it only started in earnest after she opened the Tomb). sure, Gideon told them first, but they questioned Harrow afterward (and hanged themselves in front of her, expecting her to do the same). why would they check? to have the worst possible thing that could ever happen to them confirmed? they would rather die without seeing it. to them, their *daughter* opening the Tomb - the daughter who they created, so they thought, on request from God - is the ultimate betrayal.

anyway, just some thoughts!

Hey, anyone else think it's super duper suspicious that the Reverend Parents kicked off their abominable baby scheme pretty much simultaneously to Gideon Nav, key to the Tomb, landing on the Ninth? Gideon's more than a year but less than two years older than Harrow. So give it nine months gestation, a few months for prep and planning, and Gideon's arrival lands at exactly the place on the timeline you'd look for an inciting event to the creche massacre

And like, the Revs didn't seem shocked when they heard Harrow had opened the Tomb. They listened solemnly to Gideon spill the beans and then quietly shuffled themselves off the mortal coil, intending to take their pint sized single-serving generation with them. As far as we know they never pressured Harrow to continue the Ninth, either. They checked to make sure she was a powerful necromancer, and that was it. It's almost like they'd been waiting for this.

It's just a hell of a lot of coincidences piling up. Makes me wonder what they knew, who they'd been talking to. How much didn't they tell Harrow?

[bohemiandeer]

You know what hits me hard? When 5 to 6 year old children, all the way in Southeast Asia, knows about what's happening in Palestine right now. That children their age is getting bombed, that they're starving to death, that they're getting shot at, and sniped in the head. Because, just this past 2 or so months, I heard some of the little ones in the Kindergarten classes I'm TAing in as an Intern talk about it. Hell, one of the little boys downright said he didn't like Israel, because Israel is bad, because they do scary things. Another was questioning whether Palestine was bad too, because, "why else would they shooting at them?". A little girl in one of my classes doesn't want to finish her food at all, because she wants to save at least half her meat and rice for kids in Palestine, because she heard that, they don't have food. And that's just the ones I remember. Namely the inciting cases before their classmates slowly follow suit. The littles are fricking SCARED. We had to sit these kids down, and tell them that the topic is too mature for them at the moment, that they shouldn't even be concerned because they're KINDERGARTNERS, they're not even old enough to properly understand. The one teacher I was TAing for had to make a class announcement saying that. What gets me is, these are 5 to 6 year olds, the youngest I've worked with in this specific age group is 4. 5 years old on average, and they've already been exposed to the worst horrors genocide has to offer through the news and snippets of conversation among adults and hell, considering how many of them say they like to play games on Mama's phone, or their IPad, even from fricking social media. And the fact that, these literal babies, from all the way in Cambodia, has more empathy in their entire body and soul, than full grown fricking adults have in the nail of their pinky finger, gets me. FFS we as adults could LEARN from them I feel sometimes. I honestly don't know what to feel about it anymore. On the one hand, this is the next generation I'm working with. And if the next generation's default response to a tragedy such as Palestine, is what I've seen come up on occasion so far? Perhaps there's some bloody hope for this world after all. At least in this country. Especially since a majority of them already come from families who survived a genocide. These are the 3rd - 4th generation descendants of those who survived the Khmer Rouge. They've got grandparents at home, who no doubt are more than intimately familiar with what Palestine is going through right now. And it shows.

But on the other, it makes my heart sink because these are CHILDREN, these are LITTLE KIDS, they should be playing with their toys and watching cartoons and talking to their friends about everything from Spiderman to Speakerman to Kuromi and her friends, and be worried about whether or not they can go to playground that day, guranteed they're well behaved, or if Mama remembered to pack in their costume for swimming lessons that week. NOT JUST MY KIDS. But the little ones in Palestine too. They deserve better. They all deserve, so much better. Hell, it's come to the point that whenever I look at my kiddos right now, whether they'd be working in class, playing, doing something as mundane as eating lunch or getting ready for their nap. I think of the children their age in Palestine that didn't even get the chance to survive. I think of the ones whose memories from this age, is nothing but absolute horror and pain, rather than what has slowly become my normal, who never got to experience what my littles do on a daily basis right now.

Children shouldn't even be concerned about "War", about a Genocide. The last thing that should be on a 5 year old's mind, is pain, and suffering, and the worst horrors imaginable ever to be inflicted on a human being. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S INFLICTED, ON OTHER CHILDREN THEIR AGE. And for that alone, the world has failed them. Especially the kids in Palestine who didn't ask for any of this. They just wanted to carry on with life as kids do, the same way as my littles do on a daily basis no doubt, learning, playing, chatting with friends over their favourite cartoons and characters, worrying about whether they'd get to go to the playground or not that day.

I apologize for talking about this on this blog. I know my blog tends to be lighter in feel, a lot more unhinged and light hearted typically. I mean, I'm just a fricking nerd who likes to draw and write, and lurk about her favourite fandoms to consume and support what is shared among other nerds who also like to draw and write. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. About contemplating it, especially since I'll be back on a roll tomorrow, working with my kiddos again after not seeing them for 5 days straight because of Holidays. And, I just had to talk about it. This is something I felt I couldn't keep to myself this time, I don't think my soul'd be able to carry it. I had to talk about it.

FREE PALESTINE. Our children deserve better.

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Twelve Days

After her fiance broke up their engagement Y/N has been isolating for months, but now it's the holidays and she must show up to spend it with her family. Fearful that her failure of a love life would be the main topic of discussion, she's prepared to have the worst time. That is until her brother in law, Harry, reveals an even bigger problem than her own.

Warnings: infidelity, break ups, mentions of depression and anxiety and their symptoms, mentions of alcohol and drugs, description of masturbation (male), voyeurism, implied inappropriate relationship

WC: 11.5K

Day One:

“You can do hard things.” You whispered to yourself as you drove down the street as you looked out for your parents’s car in a driveway.

You hadn’t spent the holidays with your family for the past three years. You just had a lot of things going on and lived across the country for the first year away. And then traveled the following year with your significant other and then this last year you’d spent the holidays with them and their family since you’d gotten engaged to them. 

However, earlier in the year after nearly a year engaged, your fiancé backed out of the engagement and ended things with you. It had been the greatest humiliation and heartbreak of your life! After breaking the new to your parents over the phone followed by a “so I’m gonna need some space”, you’d successfully avoided every one from your family for the last several months, until now. You were mostly nervous to see your aunt and older sister. They were the most judgmental out of everyone and you hadn’t been in a place to hear their negativity. But now you were gonna be stuck with them all for twelve days. 

Twelve days in Palm Springs and you were sure that you weren’t going to enjoy at least 70% of it with their probing and commentary on what you did wrong or should have done. Your dad was great about placating his younger sister, but not so much your own sister. She was definitely the golden child out of you both, so your parents were never all that hard on her, nor did they challenge her too much. You believed that she never meant to be malicious towards you but sometimes you did question if she just liked to feel like she was better than you. This particular situation made you feel a bit uneasy because it felt like an opportunity for her to rub your nose in it because she was happily married to one of the best guys you’d ever met and they had a perfect life together. She honestly did not to do anything more to remind you that she in fact was far better off than you were in this particular area of your life.

“Fuck me…” you muttered as you saw your mom, aunt, and sister unloading grocery bags from the car parked in the wide open garage of the house. You saw your sister point as the older women turned in your direction and smiled. You smiled as well and waved briefly before focusing on parking your car in the final space, beside your mom’s. You exhaled and then stepped out, already feeling that sinking feeling in your stomach growing with each step you took towards them. You could already hear their excited greetings to you. 

“Hey.” You chuckled as your mother enveloped you in a big hug and squeezed.

“Te extrañe, hijita.” She hummed lowly. You felt warm inside for a few seconds. It gave you sense of comfort knowing that she had missed you.

“Yo también.” You mumbled but ended the hug quickly because after what had happened to you, you truly needed a hug form your mom and it was going to make you cry. 

“Hi mija! How are you holding up?” Your aunt, Claudia, asked as she hugged you next and you semi-smiled.

“I’m good. Thanks.”

“Are you sure?” She pressed as she pulled back and looked in your eyes in concern and you nodded quickly.

“Okay. You know, whatever you need-”

“Yeah, thanks.” You nodded with a smile as she moved aside to let you greet your sister.

“Hey.” You smiled as she opened her arms and you hugged. You weren’t all that affectionate with each other so feeling her squeeze you closer felt a little unfamiliar but you just let it go on until she pulled back and placed her hands on your shoulders.

“You look good.” She complimented you. “That’s good. Show that loser what he walked out on.” She said with a smirk and you just nodded.

You felt your irritation towards her prick up your body. You hated that she attributed you looking after yourself to some revenge plot towards your ex. You had always been the kind of person to keep up with your appearance. You definitely kept things on the lighter more natural side for day to day, but you always had some makeup on. You dressed well and with thought behind your look. And you did all these things because it just made you feel good about yourself, it gave you that added little confidence boost that we all need. It was something that mattered to you and you didn’t do so for the male gaze. You felt like that was a slight dig, but you knew that she hadn’t meant it as such. You were quite sensitive though, so you always checked yourself before committing to the feeling that she wanted to piss you off. 

“Can I help you guys with the groceries?” You offered.

“You need to unpack.” Your mom reminded you and you smiled.

“Right.” You said and they continued with their task while you turned to your car. You lifted the trunk open and pulled out your shoes duffle and then reached for the handle of your large rolling suitcase. You tugged hard and then felt some resistance. “Shit.” You cursed to your self when you saw that it had gotten caught on something from the top of the trunk. You had filled that baby to brim and admittedly it was resting on a decently high bed of garbage bags filled with clothes that you’d been meaning to drop off at a thrift store near your work for a couple months now. 

“Need a hand?” You heard and jumped in fear as your brother-in-law’s voice coming from behind you shocked you.

“Fuck, Harry! You scared me!” You laughed, despite your creased features. 

“I’m so sorry.” He chuckled. Your lips started turning up as you took in his toothy grin and crinkled eyes.

“It’s fine. I think it got caught on something. I’ve got so much shit in there.” You explained and he went over to you as you moved aside to let him inspect the issue. Moments later he was pulling your suitcase out of the trunk successfully.

“You’re gonna need a new one. It tore the fabric beside the zipper.” He notified you and you huffed.

“Of course it did…” 

“I saw a roll of duct tape when I was snooping through the drawers in the pool house.” He shared, “We can put a little patch of it over the torn bit so that you can give’er, her final trip before you toss her out.” He suggested unironically and you smirked.

“How do you know it’s a her?” You asked and he smiled.

“I heard you refer to her as Jenna Rink once.”

“What? When?! Like 4 years ago? Because I haven’t seen you in ages…” You laughed.

“Yeah, actually.” He said pensively, his brows creasing deep for a few seconds as he thought about it and then he smiled. "It was when we were helping you pack for Connecticut.” He recalled and you smiled.

“Wow…great memory.” You complimented and he shrugged. 

“Guess so!”

“I just have these two if you need help bringing anything else in.” You said as you closed your trunk and watched him reach into the trunk of your mom’s BMW X4. It was her current pride and joy and had been her and your dad’s 36th anniversary splurge.  

“No, it’s just three more bags.” He assure you, “Just close it for me?”

“Yeah, go on.” You assured him and reached up to close the trunk before following behind him, you could hear the commotion inside as you approached the garage door.  And when you walked in you were overpowered by the delicious scent of some sort of breakfast  sweet treat and bacon.

“Look how sweet these men are! They made us brunch!” Your sister, Julie, exclaimed as you walked in.

“Wow!” You smiled as you saw your dad checking on the French toast cooking on a griddle. 

“Y/N!” He exclaimed happily and left his task to hug you tight. He kissed your cheek and you chuckled as he told you that he missed you and was so happy to see you.

“Thanks, dad.” You hummed.

“Need help?” He asked you.

“I got it.” You assured, “Just need to know where to go.” You smiled.

“Harry, give Y/N the tour so we can set everything up!” Your sister cut in.

“Okay, just watch the bacon f’me.” He request as he set the grocery bags down. He then turned to you and grabbed the side of the suitcase handle, “I’ve got this.” He assured you.

“Thanks.” You smiled and he nodded before guiding you towards the living room.

“Let me show you what’s available.” He glanced back and you nodded. You went towards the main entrance and then turned right at the corner of the wall.

“There’s one down here. It’s the door on your left.” He said nodding towards the end of the short hallway and you slipped past him to get a look at the bedroom.

“Why didn’t it get claimed?” You asked Harry.

“Because your parents’ bathroom is on the other side of that wall.” He said and you huffed.

Your father was a notorious YouTube addict. He loved to watch videos about the news and world events but at full volume at all times, it was annoying to say the least.

“Your aunt chose the corner room.” He said and you nodded. 

“I take it you and Julie took the pool house?”

“Yep.” He said and you huffed.

“The bedroom furthest from ours is free too.”

“And why is that one free?”

“Because of the potential for noise, it’s behind the kitchen and shares a wall with the laundry room.”

“God, was it designed as a servant’s quarter?” You scoffed and he chuckled, “What are the other options?”

“Then there’s the room beside it, but it’s a jack-and-jill bathroom with the servant’s quarter room, so there’s no counter space.” He explained and you groaned. “And then the room at the very end has a queen bed and it’s own bathroom-”

“But?” You asked.

“It’s only like 10 feet from the pool house.” He said.

“Oh…” you groaned, “Just keep the sex volume to a minimum, please.” You said with a grimace and he chuckled and rolled his eyes.

“Right…” He said sarcastically and you shrugged.

“Just have to put it out there.” 

“Don’t worry, you won’t have to witness any of that.” He emphasized.

“Perfect.” You hummed. He proceeded to guide you back through the kitchen where your family was urging you to hurry so that you could all eat. “I’ve got the door.” You said as you slipped past him and hurried to the end of the narrow hall. 

“Thanks.” He said as he wheeled your suitcase into the bedroom. The natural light was lovely. You looked around while you dropped your duffle bag of shoes onto the ground. 

“Oh yeah, you’ve got a tiny patio.” He said optimistically. 

“Well that’ll come in handy!” You chirped.

“Why’s that?” He asked as he left your suitcase right beside the closet door.

“I smoke a bit before I eat and before bed if I need it.” You explained, “After…everything I’ve been a bit down and it’s impacted my sleep and appetite.” You explained as you started out the small sliding glass door that would lead out to the small patio.

“Sounds like depression…” he said and you sighed.

“Yeah…I see a therapist, don’t worry.” You assured him.

“Yeah?” He asked and you turned and nodded when you saw him waiting expectantly for your answer. “Is it helping?”

“Yeah, I think so. I mean, I’m not as bad as I was like a month ago. S’why I decided to come but now I’m just nervous about what they’re gonna tell me about it.” You admitted to him and he hummed in understanding. 

Harry had always been extremely easy to talk to. You didn’t talk regularly but would randomly send memes, recipes, OOTD’s, and little check-in’s every now and again. You’d say that you had a  good relationship with him as his sister-in-law. You got along, you had good boundaries, and most importantly, you both wanted what was best for Julie. 

“Well if it helps, your mum reminded everyone to not bring it up over dinner when we got here.”

“Lovely…” you chuckled and he smiled. “And how are you doing?” You asked as you sat on the mattress.

“Well-”

“Harry! Y/N! Hurry up, we’re hungry!” Your sister shouted from the kitchen.

“Rain check.” You said and he nodded once, “Let me wash my hands and I’ll be right out.” You said and he nodded again before heading out of the bedroom.

Thankfully, brunch was going alright. No one had brought up your failed engagement yet, Julie was just talking a lot about an important work project she’d been assigned to for the last several months. She seemed a little flustered as she spoke about the project and Harry seemed a bit annoyed with this topic of conversation. Julie’s work had caused some issues between them in the past when they were dating. She was an overachiever and tended to overcommit herself, leading to her neglecting several other areas of her life. This had likely happened again and if Harry was upset about it, then it was probably pretty bad because it took a lot for him to be upset to the point that he’d externalize it. Other than that little bit of tension, everything had gone well and you were now digging through your suitcase for the bathing suit you were certain you had packed. After giving up on trying to keep everything folded, you just dumped the contents out onto the bed and huffed when you realized that you had not actually packed the swimming suit.

“Julie, do you have a bathing suit I can borrow? I forgot to pack mine!” You called from the door to the back yard. 

“Yeah, but don’t grab my bikinis! Grab the other one.” She instructed.

“Is it ugly?” You asked.

“No, but it’s my least favorite of the two.” She said with a slightly apologetic smile from the jacuzzi.

“Okay.” You assured her.

“It should be in the top left drawer.” She called to you and you nodded, “Just go in through the main door, not the sliding doors. I think Harry’s napping!” She informed you and you gave her a thumbs up as you made your way out into the backyard and to the pool house. You quietly opened up the door and slipped inside, you heard the shower running and immediately felt a little embarrassed for intruding but then you heard something else… A gravelly grunt in a consistently rhythmic interval. You had to get out now! But then you heard him speak.

“Fuck, baby… you’re so fucking good.” You heard him mutter and then thought that maybe he’d snuck some bitch in! With rage building in your body, your swiftly but quietly made your way over to the bathroom door that was only half closed and you peeked in only to see Harry alone in the shower. He was facing the shower head so that thankfully saved you the embarrassment of seeing all of him.

You felt relief upon confirming that he was alone but then the realization set in that he was getting himself off. You knew it was wrong to stay but still allowed yourself one more moment to ogle him. Your eyes raked across the broad expanse of his shoulders and then moved on to admire his gorgeous back. He had muscle outlines in places you’d never seen on another person before and his ass was tight and perky. As your gaze traveled down, you honed in on his thick thighs and it made you bite your lower lip. You briefly thought about how it might feel to sit on his lap. And then you felt your stomach sink as you realized that you were doing something really fucked up right now. The feeling sobered up your lust-hazed mind and you blinked away the imagine of his dripping wet, naked body from your memory.

  “Fuuuck…Fuck!” he groaned and your heart stopped as your eyes flew back over to his frame. You could see his right arm moved back and forth with the pace of his pumping fist over his cock and seconds later he was gasping for air as he came undone. 

You took a few steps back, still in complete disbelief at what you had just witnessed. You could feel your walls pulsing steadily with arousal. You needed to get what you needed and get out! You dashed to the dresser and pulled open the drawer your sister instructed and saw her two weeks worth of underwear and work-out clothes in there. Just then you heard the shower shut off. Your heart started pounding hard as you started digging through the drawer frantically and you hadn’t found anything! Then the door creaked open. You pulled open the next drawer down and saw an array of tops and pants and you groaned quietly and slammed it closed in frustration.

“Jules?” You heard Harry’s voice call out and you felt your entire world start to crumble. You were trying to speak up but no words were able to come out of your mouth. You started to back away but right before you made it around the corner to the main entrance you heard Harry sigh, “Y/N, shit…”

You twirled around to see him half naked, bottom half wrapped in a towel. You were so terrified in that moment. Getting pulverized by a meteor would be the best outcome right about now.

“D-did you-”

“Yeah.” You confirmed quietly before he could finish his question. 

“Fuck…look ummm, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” He apologized, “I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking…” he shook his head nervously, “It’s a fucking family holiday.” He muttered and you sighed.

“No, I get it! You thought you were alone, it’s fine. Let’s just forget it.” You reassured.

“I’m sorry.” he apologized once more and you offered a small, sympathetic smile.

“I know.”

“What are you even doing in here?” He asked.

“Julie’s letting me borrow a bathing suit but I can’t find them.” You explained.

“Oh, she put those all the way at the bottom drawer with all her cover ups.” He informed and you huffed.

“Her stupid ass told me they were in the top drawer.” You mumbled and he chuckled as you headed over and opened the drawer Harry had said and sure enough, there were the extra bathing suits. 

You reached for the bathing suit that she was obviously letting you borrow. It was obvious because it was a rust brown color and not some cute little pattern. It was a one-shouldered, cutout one piece bathing suit with a ribbed textured fabric that you knew you’d love gliding your freshly done nails over just to feel them slightly catch over each little ridge. You thought it was actually quite cute, but could see how your sister wouldn’t really like it as much as she initially thought. 

“Well I’ll uhhh, get out of here. S-sorry again for ummm…eaves dropping.” You said as you fluttered your gaze away from his nervously. Harry chuckled a bit and you glanced to him again, happy that he had taken it lightly.

“Sorry for the literal sexual harassment!” He said with a painfully embarrassed expression on his face.

“If anyone here harassed anybody, it was me! Coming into an obviously…intimate moment and sneaking a peek!” You said to him comfortingly.

“Wait. You watched?!” He asked through a disbelieving laugh, “You just finished saying it was an 'eaves drop’!” He exclaimed and you groaned in embarrassment as you gave yourself up.

“I’m sorry!” You cried in embarrassment.

“Don’t be.” He chuckled with a careless shrug and you frowned a bit, “Not like that! I mean that you shouldn’t feel sorry f-for coming into this. I shouldn’t have been…you know? Especially with the door open. Like anyone could’ve come in, you know?” 

“Sounds like we both fucked up a pretty equal amount.” You said and he nodded in agreement, “Let’s just… pretend that you were napping like everyone thinks you are and that I just grabbed what I needed and hurried out. Cool?” You asked and he nodded.

“Cool.”

“Alright, see you out there.”

“Yeah.” He said before you rushed out quickly. 

“Y/N, can you wake H up? Tell him to join us!” Your sister called out and you nodded and opened the door back up and headed inside to find Harry with his face in his hands,

“She wants you out there.” You said and he nodded.

“I heard.” He said and you could hear that he was crying.

“Hey, what’s the matter? I told you that we’re good!” You assured him with a deep frown and he exhaled and shook his head.

“It’s nothing to do with you, I promise. Just go.” He asserted.

“No, no, no… if it’s nothing to do with me, then what is it?” You pressed and he sighed.

“Look Y/N, I just need some space, okay? Please get out.” He resisted and you nodded.

“Okay. Just ummm, get out there.” You said and he nodded again before you left. 

You assured your sister that Harry was awake but you swore that it felt like an out of body experience. You could feel the steady beat of your heart at the base of your throat. You were also extremely turned on and you were concerned that the image of Harry’s solo session was practically burned into your longterm memory. The way he sounded and the things he said…they were on a loop in your brain but doing anything about it felt wrong. And as you dressed down you started to wonder if he had gone as far as carrying out any fantasies he had involving other people. Maybe he felt guilty for being caught but also for other things he had done? You didn’t want your mind to wander too far so you just took a deep breath and headed outside with everyone else. 

When Harry joined in he just stayed on one of the lounges that was built into the pool, which was unusual for him. He was typically very active and playful but he had his headphones in and a book about social policy in hand. You couldn’t see his eyes through his sunglasses but when you attempted to, he glanced away, meaning you had successfully made eye contact with him somehow. 

“Is Harry alright? He seems…off?” You said to your sister and she nodded.

“Yeah, he’s fine. He’s just a little moody over a disagreement we had about something.” She said and you hummed.

“Are you alright?” You asked next. Trying to fish out more information.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s him who has the issue.” She said with a slight scoff and you hummed. “Are you fine?” She asked and you shrugged.

“So-so.” You said and she hummed.

“I know that you’re sad about this right now but trust me, there’s nothing worse than committing your life to the wrong person.” She said and you frowned before glancing back to her.

“Are you just saying that or speaking from experience?” 

“From experience! I married a really wonderful man!” She said a bit defensively, “That’s how I know I made a great decision. There were other men that I was so infatuated with but were not able to give me what I wanted or needed. Like-”

“We don’t have to say his name.” You cut in and she nodded.

“Harry is…the ideal partner.” Julie said with a shrug. “And you know, I never told you this, but he stepped up at the 11th hour. I felt like maybe I was never going to get married because of how much I work and all but he…he understands and supports me.” She said and you nodded.

“That’s really good.” You offered a small smile and she nodded.

“Now, what is taking Claudia so long? She’s supposedly making us all some Palomas.” She said as she turned towards the main house to try and get a look inside.

“She wasn’t in the kitchen when I came out. Maybe she’s in the bathroom?” You said and she hummed. But then you started thinking about the bathroom and Harry in the bathroom having a steamy shower. Your face started to heat with a blush and you just fanned at your face for a moment. 

“It’s wild that it’s basically 80 degrees in December isn’t it?” She asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, but it’s nicer than being snowed in.” You said, “I did miss the weather the most.” You said, “I’m glad to be back.”

“Missed that more than us?” Your sister asked with a small smile.

“You know what I mean…” you mumbled and she smirked.

“We’re glad you’re back too.” She said and you smiled.

“Thanks.” You hummed.

Day Two: 

When you woke up the following morning it was because the door to the pool house closed loudly. You sighed and rubbed your eyes before grabbing your phone to look at the time. It was barely 6:30 on Sunday morning and you were a little annoyed that your sleep time had been cut short. You were surprised by how easily you had been able to fall asleep and most importantly, you had stayed asleep through the whole night. 

You laid there for a few minutes, staring at the designs of your ceiling from the light peeking through the blocks used to section off your little patio. You had committed to morning walks as part of your healing journey and intended on taking one later on but as you considered how much hotter it could get later on you decided to just wash up and go now, you were up anyway.

The neighborhood this AirBnb was in was gated and it only kept these vacation homes. You did see a few of them were rented out but most of them were desolate. When you finally started to circle back around you saw Julie walking down the corner of the street before your house. She walked down to the first house she encounter and then twirled around. When you were close enough to be within her line of sight you raised your hand to wave and she looked a bit startled at first and then put on a smile as she spoke quickly and waved with her other hand as she made her way back towards the corner of the side street. She hung up the phone as you crossed the street to reach her.

“Morning.” You greeted.

“Good morning.” She responded quickly.

“You didn’t have to hang up your call. I’m desperate to get back and have a shower. It’s already warming up.” You said.

“It’s fine…I shouldn’t have even been on the call while we’re here.” She explained.

“Work?” You asked and she hummed.

“Well, pick up where you left off.” you assured her.

“Thanks. I won’t be long.”

“Of course. See you back there.”

“Yeah, see ya’.” Julie hummed and you hurried past the next two houses until your reached your rental.

When you made it inside, much to your surprise, Harry was already in the kitchen, he seemed upset from how quiet he was as he cut up some fruits silently.

“Good morning.” You greeted him.

“Hey.” He responded as he spared you a glance before continuing with his task. “Did you run into your sister by any chance?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, she’s still on her call.”  You said cooly and he glanced up at you.

“Was she?” Harry asked and you nodded.

“You know, I get that she’s a workaholic and all but I think you need to ease up on her about that. I know it was an issue before but I mean, you know how she was with this stuff from the start. Like, I get why you’d be upset when she does work stuff while on vacation, but it’s just who she is, you know? It’d almost be expected, I’d say.” You explained.

“Guess you’re right.” He mumbled as he continued doing what he was doing.

“Exactly. So stop brooding over things you have no control over. You’re just going to spoil your own time.” You said.

“Okay… whatever.” He mumbled and you smiled and playfully punched his arm as you walked by and headed towards your room to get showered. 

***********

Harry was already in a bad mood and after what you’d mentioned to him, he was even more upset. There was something that had been weighing on his chest for the last several months. Something that he had hoped to talk to you about but with everything going on with your ex, he didn’t want to overburden you with his issues with Julie. 

It was Valentine’s Day when he got an anonymous call from a private number saying that Julie was cheating on him, it had been left as a voicemail since he did not pick up the call. But even then, the voice had like an automated filter over it, so he paid no mind to it. But then, a few weeks later he’d picked up her phone because she kept receiving tons of texts and they were from a guy, a guy that he already knew. 

Joseph was a friend of Julie’s from grad school who had landed the same internship site as her and they ended up getting hired at the same hospital in the accounting department. Apparently, they’d had a friends with benefits things going for a while before she started dating Harry. When he had asked if she had feelings for Joseph she admitted that while she liked him a bit more than she ought to, she knew that he would never commit to her, he wasn’t that kind of guy. And she assured Harry that she liked him a lot more. More enough to end things with Joe so that they could give it an honest try. It had been about five or six months of them being together when he caught her making out with Joe at a co-workers’s wedding. He ended things on the spot because he knew that there was history there. But when Julie came to him after a few days later, pleading and begging for forgiveness, the love he had developed for her broke him down and he accepted her apology. She promised that it would never ever happen again and he believed her. And to his knowledge, it hadn’t happened until he discovered that it had happened again. By the looks of it, it had been happening for nearly six months.

Of course, he confronted Julie about it and once again, she promised she’d stop but this time, he insisted they go to couples counseling to fix whatever was causing her to cheat and that she would need to allow him to look through her phone when he felt suspicious of her. Not forever, but just until he was able to trust her again. But during that time she’d also accepted a new job for a development firm, meaning no more Joe at work. So the counseling had been deprioritized by them both and whenever he’d ask to look through her phone it was never an issue and she always complied, so this made him feel even more trust towards her. And over the last few months he’d felt suspicious over a work trip she went on but found nothing and now she had been assigned to doing the budgeting and accounting for a big new project with a client from France which had her working longer or strange hours. But sometimes her stories wouldn’t add up. So last month when she told him she was working late he showed up at her office before the end of the day and sure enough, she left right on time but drove to the nearest suburb where he saw her meet up with Joe. It was happening again and he was just collecting evidence this time around. He knew that this phone call wasn’t for work, it was Joseph. 

All day Harry was brooding, waiting for the opportune moment to confront her. Eventually, he found the alone time and he was looking in her eyes asking her to please just be honest with him.

“Harry, you’re acting insane!” Julie threw her hands up in defeat as she finally exploded.

“I’m not! I know what you’ve been doing!” He shouted.

“What?! You’ve seen my phone every time you’ve asked, there hasn’t been anything.” She insisted.

“I followed you one night, after you said you were working late.” He said and he saw her   starting to tense in rage.

“What the fuck, Harry?! How could you do that to me?” She shouted.

“Because I don’t fucking trust you!” He shouted back, “I cannot trust you.” He emphasized and she shook her head. “Please, don’t try to fucking gaslight me. Just say it. Say it.” 

“Harry…”

“I need to know. If you even have a shred of love or respect for me, you need to be honest.” He begged and she sighed.

“Fine…I’ve been seeing him again.” Julie admitted and Harry nodded with a sad smile on his face. His gaze drifted past her and focused onto the wall across from him as he just let the reality sink in. 

“How long?” He asked monotonously.

“Just a few months.” She said. “I’m sorry.”

“What the fuck…” he sighed sadly.

**********

Your day was slowly going to shit. After you showered you picked up your phone and when you saw the memory it prompted you to view, you felt your heart sink. It was from your last Valentine’s day. That led you down memory lane and all day you were thinking about your failed relationship in some way or another. After lunch your parents and aunt went out to some market and you decided to just take a nap. You were startled awake a couple hours later because your phone started ringing. You huffed at the spammer who called and settled into the silence. That’s when you heard the shouting from the pool house. You sat up as it quieted it down for a few seconds before your sister was shouting louder than before. You still couldn’t make out what was being said but you hurried out of bed and decided to go break it up. You rushed out through your patio and hurried to the sliding doors, getting ready to knock when you heard Harry shouting angrily…

“I want to get divorced because you keep cheating on me!” There was silence and once again you found yourself overstaying your welcome to listen in. “I’m not just saying it like it’s nothing. Yes, I realize that it’s a serious step to take but this has gone on for long enough, Julie. I’m not going to continue to be committed to you when you’re not committed to me in the same way.” He said more calmly. When your sister started to cry you backed away and hurried back to your bedroom.

You were in complete shock that your sister was cheating on Harry. It seemed like the least likely scenario to ever happen to them. Especially for that to be something that your sister did! It didn’t make any sense! Even the day before, she had told you that Harry was the best decision she had ever made. However, that would explain why Harry was acting strange. If he already had suspicions and then you mentioned she was outside taking a call, you could see how his mind would go in that direction. More so when it was something that had happened before. You also felt really guilty now because you had quite literally just disappeared from everyone’s lives because of your own issues without really thinking that they might be going through their own challenges. To be fair, your sister didn’t ever like to show any vulnerability, so you’d never know that something was actually wrong unless you caught her at the perfect moment, but still. You could’ve at least asked her or even Harry! 

“We’re back!” You heard your aunt announce as soon as you’d made it back into your bedroom. Do prevent them from hurrying off to find Julie and Harry you hurried out of the room.

“How was it?” You asked your aunt and parents as they congregated in the kitchen.

“It was nice!” She smiled and then your mom and aunt proceeded to show you the little knick knacks they had picked up at the outdoor market. 

“We should get started on dinner. Can you get your sister and Harry, they were going to be in charge of dinner tonight.” Your mother informed and you nodded and made your way over to the pool house. 

Thankfully, they weren’t shouting anymore, but when you knocked and Harry opened the door you felt the tension escaping from the room in gargantuan waves. While his eyes were a little blood shot he looked relieved to see you.

“Ummm, they said you guys were in charge of dinner tonight?” You informed.

“Right…ummm, Julie’s got a bad headache so she’s gonna try and sleep it off for a bit. Do you mind helping me?” He asked you.

“Not at all.” You assured.

“Thanks. I’ll be over there in a bit.” He said and you nodded and hurried back inside.

There was almost an unspoken rule that you were not to cook for your family except on their birthdays if they asked or on a holiday. You did it for a living, you were a private chef, so you cooked for people every single day for hours and hours. But this time, you were inclined to make an exception to stand in for Julie. While everyone else got showered and ready for dinner, you and Harry were in there preparing everyone’s meal. You were melting the butter down and getting it all aromatic with the rosemary and garlic while the filets marinated in their dry rub of seasoning that Harry had mixed up earlier. He had moved on to peeling potatoes he had boiled earlier in they day as well and he seemed to be very entranced with his task. You kept stealing glances of him to ensure he was okay and were dying to ask him if he was but didn’t want to risk upsetting him for eaves dropping once again.

“What’s wrong?” He asked without looking away from the final potato he was peeling and you sighed.

“I…heard you guys fighting.” You admitted and he glanced up quickly.

“Oh…all of it?” He asked and you shrugged.

“Basically and well, the most…important bit.” You confessed and he sighed. “I’m sorry. I was profanely just going to try and deescalate the argument because it was really heated. I’m so sorry!” You apologized.

“It’s alright. I’m glad that someone else knows now. I’ve been carrying this around for months at this point.” He explained and you frowned upon hearing this.

“I’m so sorry, Harry. Are you alright?”

“I will be once your sister agrees to a divorce.” He explained lowly.

“Why won’t she?” You asked and he shrugged.

“We can talk more about this later if that’s alright with you? I just ummm…I don’t want to risk someone else coming out and hearing this.” He explained.

“Oh, of course!” You assured him and he nodded before you just got back to your respective tasks. 

Harry was very in his head and it made you feel sad for him because he genuinely looked concerned and sad. When you finished setting the rest of the vegetable to steam you excused yourself to get cleaned up for dinner. He thanked you for your help and let you know that he’d cook the steaks once everyone was at the table so that they could be cooked how each person preferred. 

Once dinner came around Julie was acting completely fine. She looked extremely put together and refreshed. Her ability to just pretend like everything was fine made you feel a bit upset at her. What more could she be hiding behind that nonchalant facade? You were trying your best not to judge her too harshly but surface level you saw no reason for why she would cheat on Harry. A small and very petty part of you was satisfied that your sister’s life was not as perfect as she made it out to be, but you still felt sad for her and for Harry.

After dinner you all decided on watching a movie because Harry and Julie were going to go “get drinks”. They probably just needed to go somewhere private to yell at each other. Even after you headed to your bedroom after the movie, you waited up to see if you’d hear them come back or if Harry would try and talk to you. But before you knew it, you had fallen asleep.

Day Three:

You suddenly woke up from your sleep and felt in real time as your slumber started escaping you immediately. You sighed because it was just your luck that after having one really good night of sleep the insomnia would kick in. You were laying in bed for a few minutes scrolling through your Calm app in order to find some sort of relaxing sounds or even just do a meditation, but then you heard some foot steps and then the slight squeak of a door down the hall before you heard it being shut very gently. After a few moments, your phone lit up with an incoming text from Harry asking if you were struggling to sleep to which you replied “Yes.” And moments later he was peeking into your room. You glanced over to him and offered a sympathetic look.

“Are you alright?” You whispered your question and he nodded as he quietly walked in.

“Just…sad, tired, angry…” he mumbled as he sat at the edge of your bed.

“We don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want.” You reminded him.

“Thanks.” He hummed, “Wanna get my mind off of it.” He exhaled.

“Do you wanna watch TV or something?” You asked.

“Actually, I have a collection of memes that I wanted to share with you but wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to when you had asked for space and I’ve been saving them this whole time! I need to show you.” He said and you found yourself smiling from ear to ear. 

“I would love nothing more than for you to show me that treasure trove.” You assured him and he nearly squealed before he hurried out of the room to get his phone.

When Harry returned it was with the blanket from his new bedroom and he sat across from you, criss-cross style, and you mirrored his position as you waited eagerly for the memes. Image after image and clip after clip you were nonstop laughing and hyperventilating into a pillow. If there was one thing you appreciated about Harry the most, it was his sense of humor. You were both into very stupid humor about banal things. It often irritated your sister because you two would make jokes out of the most random things, everything had the potential to be unserious when you were around each other.

“Oh god…those were soooo good!” You laughed breathily. You were struggling to keep it quiet and Harry was very pleased with himself.

“I knew you’d appreciate them.” He smiled as he set his phone down on the bed. He suddenly noticed that you had gone quiet. So he looked over at you and saw you slightly smiling. “What is it?” He asked curiously and your gaze flickered up to his.

“Nothing, I just…I haven’t felt joy like that in a long time. It feels really great to laugh. Like really laugh. You know?” You asked and then glanced away when you realized how vulnerable you’d just been. You suddenly wanted to throw up.

“Hey…” he said as he gently squeezed your knee and you glanced up to him again, “I do know.” He affirmed sincerely before pulling his hand away. When he pulled his hand back you missed the warmth of it.

“Why don’t you leave her?” You asked him of your sister.

“I’m scared.” He said simply and you nodded in understanding.

“What happened with…?” Harry trailed off before speaking your exe’s name.

“They just came in one day saying they had doubts and were feeling unready to take the next step and that was that.” You shrugged.

“I’m sorry.” He frowned.

“I’m not…like it’s been really hard but I’d rather this than for them to feel obligated to go through with it and then we’re both miserable until someone has the guts to do something about it.” You explained and then frowned, “Sorry, I didn’t mean that as a dig to you. I think that realistically I would cling to whatever I could…it’s my fear that makes me pretend that I’m callous.” You explained.

“Wow…Therapy is working wonders for you.” he said with a grin and you rolled your eyes.

“Shut the fuck up…”

“I’m not saying it to tease you! I’m happy that you’re getting to know yourself! And to know your worth and your vulnerabilities. It’s admirable.” He said and you smiled softly. 

“Thanks.” You hummed and he nodded. “Are you in therapy?”

“No. We did counseling together for a bit, Jules and I. But it didn’t really help. She was too busy with work to do the therapeutic work.” He explained and you hummed in understanding. “I’m really glad you decided to come for this.” Harry added after a few moments of silence between you two. 

“Well, thanks. I’m not regretting it yet…” you said with a soft smile.

“A win is a win.” He chuckled and you nodded.

“Exactly.” You hummed.

“Well, I’m going to try and let you sleep. If you need anything ummm, I’m going to be staying in the next room over.”

“For the rest of the time?” You asked and he nodded.

“It’s that bad.” He explained lowly and you nodded in understanding.

“Well, I’m really sorry that everything’s going to shit right now.”

“Thank you. And thanks for holding space for me or whatever they say.” He smiled as he clambered off of your bed, “At least we don’t have to deal with this alone.” 

“Right.” You smiled.

“Get some sleep. We have plans tomorrow.” He said and you groaned and let yourself fall against your pillows. You heard Harry snigger a bit as your door closed quietly.

Day Four:

Despite Harry’s warning to get some rest and your efforts to do just that, you’d had maybe another hour, if that, after he’d gone. At 8am sharp you heard movement in the kitchen and then some knocks at your door.

“Yeah?” You called out and the door creaked open and you saw your mom peek in.

“Hi, hijita. We have plans for today, will you join us?” She asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, I’m gonna go.” You assured her and she smiled.

“Bien. We’re leaving at 9:30.” She informed and you nodded in understand before she left. 

After lazing around for a few more minutes you took a quick body shower before getting on some light make up. You got dressed and then headed out to get something to eat with everyone. You greeted your dad and aunt as they helped your mom with breakfast. You were making small talk with them as you moved around them to prepare yourself a cup of coffee.

“Harry! Good morning!” Your aunt exclaimed energetically and you glanced back to see Harry coming in through the sliding doors.

“Morning, everyone!” He greeted with a smile. He was portraying high energy but he still looked tired.  His eyes then met yours and lingered for a moment before you got a little nervous and turned back around to finish making your coffee.

“Julie is awake, right?” Your dad asked and Harry nodded.

“Yeah, but actually, she said she’s feeling bad again and is going to stay behind and rest.” He explained.

“By herself?” Your aunt asked and Harry shrugged.

“I told her I’d stay but she insisted we all go. I think she just needs some alone time.” He explained. “But I think she’d appreciate if we check on her before we go.” He said and your mom nodded.

Sure enough, even when your mother had gone over to check on her, Julie declined going on the planned family outing and declined your mom staying to look after her since she was the one who had planned these excursions. So your aunt offered to stay with Julie because was afraid of heights and didn’t want to go on the tram and expressed that she also had no interest in the zoo, unsurprisingly, your sister accepted. So once that was settled the rest of you packed into your parents’ car. You buckled up and then glanced over to Harry who offered a half-smile to you before pulling out his phone. Moments later your phone buzzed and you saw it was a text from him.

Harry: The guy your sister is seeing came here yesterday to find her.

You glanced over to him with a frown and he smiled slightly.

Y/N: Is that why she stayed behind?

Harry: Yeah. I think she was hoping to get some alone time to see him. She didn’t know he was going to drive out. I think that’s what he was telling her when you saw her on the phone.

Y/N: Fuck. Well, lets just have fun today. I’m sure we’ll be able to get our minds off of things!

Harry: I think so too:)

The zoo had been pretty cool. Your mom had been dying to feed the giraffes so when your reservation time came up she was the first one to approach the animals. In truth, it was a very awesome experience. It was certainly something you never thought you’d do in your life, but you were so happy that you experienced it. After a stop for lunch you guys were on your way to the aerial tramway. You were looking forward to seeing the valley from up there. The drive up was beautiful and soon enough you were getting on the bus that would take you to the tram. 

“Wow…” you whispered to yourself in awe as you slowly went past the tree line and saw the crazy formations of rocks littering the mountainside. Your mom and dad were cozied up beside each other on the other side of the tram. The slow rotation of the inside floor allowed you to see all of your surroundings. But then your attention veered from the scenery as Harry’s familiar scent invaded your personal space. You glanced to your side and there he was, standing right beside you. He looked a little apprehensive.

“Sorry for the proximity. Heights make me a little nervous and I get a little vertigo if I look down. I wasn’t about to go brush up against either of your parents for comfort, you know?” He explained lowly and you giggled.

“Yeah, I get that.” 

“Thanks.” He hummed as he scooted just a bit closer. Close enough that his arm was brushing against yours. “You seem to be enjoying this.”

“I am.” You smiled.

“You don’t worry that the cable might snap or something and we all just… you know?” He asked and you turned to him with a furrowed brow.

“Jesus…that’s fucking dark…” You scoffed through a laugh and he chuckled a bit.

“It’s a real anxious thought I have!” He defended.

“I’m not judging. Believe me, I know about dark.” You said as the smile faded from your lips.

“I didn’t mean to dampen the mood.” He said when he felt your mood shift.

“It’s alright, it wasn’t you. It was my brain. It’ll pass.” You assured him with a small smile. 

You saw Harry reach for the handrail and squeeze around it and glance up to see him squeeze his eyes closed for a moment.

“You alright?” You asked and he nodded.

“Yeah, I just ummm looked down for a second there.” He explained and then opened his eyes again. “I just wanted to see the view is breathtaking.” He said as he just kept his eye line level as he glanced around. 

“It is. But I’m sure it doesn’t help that this thing is rotating.” You said and he groaned.

“Don’t remind me.” He mumbled through a smile.

“Well, we’re almost to the top.” You reassured him.

“Thank fuck.” He hummed lowly. “Your mom picked a good time, we’re gonna get to see the sunset from the top.” He said.

“Do you wish my sister were here?” You asked and he shrugged.

“Yes and no.” he said, “Yes, because I’d have someone’s hand to hold on this tram. And no, because I know she’d rather be here with someone else.” He said and you frowned. It was instinctive when you reached out and placed your hand over his on the rail. You gave him a reassuring squeeze before letting go and sliding it back in front of your own body. Your grip tightened as a nervous feeling made your stomach feel like it was swirling.

“Sorry.” You said quickly as your eyes met his.

“Don’t be.” He assured you and moments later you felt the warmth of his hand right beside yours as he closed the gap on the railing between your hands. You glanced down at the sides of your hands pressed together and then up at him. His eyes were already prepared to meet your gaze and when they did, you felt that swirling in your tummy again. Those butterflies starting to stir awake. “I know you’re just trying to make me feel better.” He assured and you nodded and quickly looked away.

Were you? In a way, yes, you wanted to comfort him because he too was going through a hardship. But at the same time you felt nervous about it. You couldn’t say that you didn’t find Harry attractive or charming. You were afraid that you were suddenly noticing this more than usual because of your current romantic turmoil. His immediate instinct to check in on you, to notice and care about your feelings. To be vulnerable with you and provide you the safety to be able to do the same. And then what you walked in on, on that first day at the house…that was definitely a contributing factor to why you were suddenly more aware of him as a person. As a man…

You were more than grateful when the tram ride came to an end just seconds later. You quickly got out and he followed behind you until you went up to the edge of the observation deck, that was just a little too out of his comfort zone. You put your hands on the railing and just took a slow but shaky inhale. It was significantly colder at this peak of the mountain so it kind of burned your throat to breathe that deeply but that sobered up your mind that was all fuzzy from Harry’s scent and words and existence in general. Your heard your mother approaching with your dad following behind, telling her to slow down.

“Are you okay?” She asked you as she came up beside you and you nodded and smiled.

“Yeah, I was just admiring the view. It’s incredible. Thank you for planning this.” You said to her with a smile before turning back to see the valley before you. 

The sun was setting beautifully and despite the overarching theme of tragedy in your life for the last several months, in that very moment you realized how insignificant you and your problems were in the grand scheme of things. Things could be much worse. You had what you needed; your life, your health, your family and friends. After getting a few pictures taken with your parents by Harry from a comfortable distance you were all heading inside to the restaurant  for your dinner reservation. 

You were doing what you could to avoid having to focus too much of your attention on Harry but it was difficult. He was practically spellbinding. He was charming and funny and a gesticulative story teller so it was hard to not engage with him. But every time you looked in his eyes there they were again, those pesky little butterflies, some good and other not so good. They were a reminder that despite the excitement of being with someone that you got along with after so much time alone, you weren’t ready. The proof was in the fact that you were fighting off a crush on your brother in law! How much more twisted and pathetic could a person be? You were on your second cocktail by the time the appetizer showed up and your lack of appetite throughout the day was starting to pay off. You had gotten to the point where your lips felt tingly and your worries were soon to float away. 

Making eye contact with Harry wasn’t as scary any more. Because it was just the four of you, you could get away with constantly looking at each other. You weren’t even being flirtatious about it, you were just admiring him. You admired how good he was at masking everything. All of the hurt he was in. All of the anger and disappointment that you knew were weighing over him like a ton of bricks. 

Your phone chiming loudly from your purse broke you out of your spell of admiration. And then it went off again. And again. And again. And again. Your family and the patrons at the neighboring tables all honed in on you as you frantically reached for your purse while giving apologetic glances to the strangers. 

“Sorry.” You muttered to your family with a smile. You had a strict “no phones allowed” rule when eating out together. You had every intention of just putting it on silent and just checking the texts later, you were just really enjoying yourself! But when you saw your ex’s name on the screen, the rose tinted haze that you’d been seeing things with for the past fifteen minutes instantly vanished. Your stomach did a nasty flip that had you wishing you’d slowed down. You needed to open your phone to see what they said, not being able to see it had your anxiety through the roof. Then your phone pinged again with a sixth message and you just stood up and hurried out to the viewing deck. 

*** Harry’s POV ***

Harry could not stop thinking about you. Admittedly, the thoughts had started when he saw your profile on a dating app. Not on his phone, on a friend’s phone, he recognized her from his and Julie’s wedding party and had asked if it really was her. He looked through it and was smiling by the end of it. If he ever ran into your ex he would kick their ass for leaving you hanging like that. He had truly hoped that you would come for Christmas and was so happy that you had in fact shown up.

You were gorgeous, you’d always been. And maybe it was because of his emotional distance from Julie over the last several months that he just decided to lean into the attraction he felt towards you. Admittedly, it was stupid of him to have a wank without fully closing the bathroom door but he couldn’t help but be a little thrilled that you had crashed it. To him it felt like this little secret you shared now had you on a new level of comfort and trust. 

Today, when you touched his hand on the tram he felt that long forgotten zap of excitement electrifying him. Julie wanted nothing to do with him, she was in love with another man for their entire relationship, so he didn’t feel too bad of indulging in a little betrayal himself. He could see that you viewed him in another way too but you were fighting it. He saw how it scared you and quite frankly, it scared him too. But feeling the things and actually doing something about were two very different things. In this situation there was a double safety. His flirting was safe because he wouldn’t do more than that and your acceptance of his minor flirtations was also safe because he knew that you wouldn’t act on it. Once you were a little more loose from your drinks your fear eluded you and he was very much enjoying that and then your phone interrupted everything. It had been nearly ten minutes since you’d left with your phone and he and your parents were feeling a little worried. The food would come any minute and 

“I think it’s time I go check on her. Make sure she’s okay.” Harry said. Your dad nodded and he rushed out onto the viewing deck. He looked around and then heard your voice from somewhere. He glanced up and saw that there was another level. He hurried up and then heard you speaking angrily into your phone before hanging up. You were standing right up against the railing, it was freezing outside so there wasn’t anyone up there. He quietly made his way over but the closer he got to the railing the harder his heart would pound. He hesitated but the sound of you sobbing gave him the courage to walk the rest of the distance to you. 

*** Y/N’s POV ***

“How fucking dare you!? You can’t just call me and tell me that after everything I endured! You don’t deserve me.” You seethed as hot tears ran down your face. You were practically trembling from how angry you felt. “Fuck you, Ash! Never, ever fucking call me again! Bye!” You shouted before hanging up and blocking the number. Your chest was heaving from how hard you were breathing. And when the adrenaline wore off you felt so fucking heavy and just started to sob quietly. You were feeling like you’d made a huge mistake and were just about to unblock the number when you heard your name.

“Y/N?” Harry called and you gasped as you whipped around quickly. Your fright dispersed when you saw his familiar frame approaching.

“It was Ash.” You explained as he stopped before you.“Just drunk and trying to get me back after all this time…The fucking gall to ask if we can start over!” you exclaimed angrily through your tears. Your head was shaking in disbelief.

“Jesus.” He sighed and you sniffled and nodded. 

“Right? Like what the fuck?!” You scoffed and then exhaled sharply. He saw you shivering and pulled off his jacket to drape over you. “You don’t have to. It’s freezing up here.” You assured him.

“I’m alright.” He reassured you. “C’mere.” He instructed and he opened his arms for you. You easily stepped forward into his space to allow him to hug you, “Fuck that loser. Doesn’t deserve you.” He comforted you.

“I know.” You said quietly as you allowed your head to lay against his chest.

“Good.” He said supportively as he slowly rubbed over your back. When he looked up he realized that he was on the ledge of of the viewing deck and the view was completely breathtaking. It was even more magical now that the sun was nearly gone. The lights from the cities in the valley were shimmering enticingly in the distance. “Look how beautiful that is.” He said to you and you moved your head to look ahead of you and hummed. “Makes me wish I could fly.” He said lowly and you smiled.

“It really does…” you agreed. “I’m surprised you came up to the edge.” You added teasingly. He smiled and squeezed you just a bit.

“I needed to make sure you were okay.” He explained softly and you slowly pulled away.

“Thank you.” You expressed as you glanced up at him.

“Of course.” He smiled at you.

“It’s just… hard to talk about all of this with my family because they start to interject and give their opinions on what could’ve been done better and ugh…sometimes people are just shitty, you know? Regardless of what you do, nothing will change that!” You huffed in exasperation. Just thinking about the typical responses they would give you had you feeling a little heated. “Anyway…” you mumbled with a slightly flustered smile from your little outburst, but Harry was just smirking at you. It made your heart start pounding harder as you held the eye contact between you two for a few seconds. “We should get back inside.” 

“Yeah, the food was just about to come.” He informed and you nodded and followed him back into the building.

The food and the company were both excellent. You were more than grateful that your parents didn’t try and question you about anything. You were huddled up against your parents for the tram ride down because it was freezing cold, though you really wanted to be huddled up against Harry. You knew that he’d allow it and that made you feel really pleased with yourself. The whole way back to the Airbnb you two were texting nonstop, exchanging glances every now and again, to the point where the tension was building. You weren’t even talking about anything inappropriate, it was just the energy of the quick closeness that had grown between you two. Upon arriving at the house Harry went and “checked on Julie”, which really was to shower and get ready for bed before heading to the main house to sleep. You expected to hear them argue or something but there was complete silence. 

You plopped onto the center of the bed and pulled out your phone to waste time on Instagram and saw that your sister had recently posted a story. When you clicked on it you saw three cocktails clinking, your aunt was tagged and you rolled your eyes in annoyance. Seconds later Harry texted you to tell you that she was gone and you told him to check instagram and didn’t hear back for a while until there were soft knocks on your door. By then you were cuddled up in bed, propped up on the pillows, and watching Home Alone on the TV. 

“Come in!” You spoke towards the door and when it creaked open you saw it was Harry.

“Would you mind some company?” He asked and you smiled.

“Absolutely not.” You assured and he hurried in, closing the door behind him before sliding into the empty side of the bed. As he was getting comfy he yelped when his foot accidentally touched yours.

“Jesus! So fucking cold!” He chuckled.

“Feel my hands.” You said as you reached over blindly because he was under the covers after all. Your hand found his and he gasped.

“Like a fucking corpse…” you chuckled and glanced at him briefly before turning back to the TV.  But soon your attention was drawn back to Harry as brought your hand up to his mouth and gently blew his warmth breath over your open palm and then clasping it between his hands. “Giving you some warmth.” He explained, “Is that okay?” He asked and you nodded silently. 

There it was again, that tension, building up some more. And like air in a balloon, it could only hold so much before it had to burst. His eyes glanced down to your mouth and you did the same to his. If he went for it right in this moment, you’d let him kiss you. Easily. You were covered in goosebumps from the anticipation. And then your eyes met again and you saw the conflict in them. That also made you hesitate and slowly, the burning in you started to fizzle. 

“Sorry. Ummm…”

“Don’t be. You’re right to doubt! This could be so fucking messy. It’s stupid to even…like, no! We’re fucking stupid for this, Harry.” You chuckled through your disbelief at what you were about to do.

“I know…but that doesn’t take away the desire to.” He said and you sighed.

“I know! But we need to fucking…find it because I don’t want to lose you.” You explained with a hint of desperation in your tone and an earnest look in your eyes. Harry didn’t want to lose you either, so he just nodded and turned his focus to the TV. Your hand was still in his, being kept warm as he’d said. And you did feel warm with him. So fucking warm…

“Thanks.” You whispered to him and he turned and smiled before focusing back on the TV.

Part Two...

[13uswntimagines]

Weight of the Sky (Alessia X Leah X Reader)

Summary: No one knew why you left the United States and stopped accepting call-ups to the senior team. Only the important people were informed that it had to do with your treatment by the coaching staff. But some reporter got ahold of the story, and a report that was never supposed to see the light of day. How do you deal with everyone suddenly knowing your deepest, most shameful secrets?

Warning: This fic deals with how people process trauma. There’s implied abuse, but nothing explicitly described or explained. Again, systemic abuse (physical, mental, and verbal) is what is dealt with in this fic, specifically how someone might deal with it (in healthy and unhealthy ways).

It wasn’t something you talked about. 

It wasn’t something you liked to think about. 

The people who were important to you knew something had happened. They knew why you stopped accepting call-ups to the senior USWNT a year ago, why you had fled the NWSL, and why you were so adamant about never stepping foot on American soil again. 

You didn’t feel the need to explain it to anyone else. To open the dark box you had buried so deeply so long ago. To rip apart the fragile stitches you so carefully constructed over your wounds. 

But as you stared down at the headline, it looked like you wouldn’t have a choice. 

Scandal set to dismantle US soccer: reports of rampant emotional, physical and sexual abuse at both the youth and senior level 

You didn’t want to read it. 

You wanted to shove your phone back in your bag and join your team out on the pitch like nothing had ever happened. 

It had worked for you so far. 

But the way your phone was buzzing told you that it wouldn’t work for you this time. 

That arriving late to practice so you had the locker room to yourself wouldn’t be the out you prayed it would. 

It was one of the best and worst qualities of the team you had left behind. Their stubbornness, especially when someone’s well-being was on the line. 

They wouldn’t give up when you had been the baby of the USWNT for so long with your first call-up coming at 16. 

It didn’t matter that you barely answered them most of the time now. 

With both you and Foxy playing for Arsenal, you knew that Alex, or Kelley, or Alyssa, or Becky were not above calling Kim or Jen to sort you out. 

To force you to face the thing you had run to Europe to escape 3 years ago. 

The things you had never told them about. 

“Have you read it yet?” You blinked up at the voice of your fellow American, as Emily sat down beside you.

“Just the headline,” You sighed, tossing your phone into your cubby and grabbing your cleats. “I’m pretty sure I already know what it’s going to say,”

You could feel her eyes on the side of your face, trying to peel back the impenetrable mask you always used to cover your emotions. You had known Emily long enough for her to be able to see past it. To decipher the barely visible tells littered across your features. 

You could feel the pity in her gaze, and it made you want to puke. You didn’t want it. You didn’t need it. 

“I didn’t know the details,” Emily said, her voice a pained whisper. 

It wasn’t that Emily hadn’t known about the abuse. She was your longest friend, one of the people who you had shared nearly all of your soccer experience with. She knew that things had happened, but you always breezed over it. You didn’t give out specifics. You didn't need to be viewed as one broken toy. 

You made a low noise of agreement. “That was by design,” 

She caught your arm, and you finally looked at her. 

“Y/n,”

Concern accented her blue eyes, and desperation lingered behind her irises. It was an unspoken question. 

A why that rang clearly. 

“It was better for everyone,” You muttered, finishing the knot on your boot and pulling the 2nd one up, answering the question she hadn’t asked with words. 

You knew she would have fought for you. She would have stood up to the people you had been too afraid to. It was safer if she didn’t know the full extent of what you had endured. If the complaint you had lodged was the only record of it. 

You wouldn’t put anyone in the firing line. Especially not her. 

“Did Leah and Alessia know?” She asked, so quietly you barely heard it. 

Or maybe it was just the blood pounding in your ears. 

You blinked at the question, looking away from the defender. 

Of course, your girlfriends knew, but they didn’t know. You had never gone into depth about your experiences in the youth system. You never detailed how it had followed you like ghosts until you couldn’t take it anymore. 

Until you broke under the pressure. 

It wasn’t like you hadn’t tried to tell them. To let the words out during a million late-night chats over tea with Leah, or when you were so comfortable laid out in Alessia’s chest, her nails dragging up and down your back. 

They made you feel truly safe for the first time in your life. 

You didn’t want to give them a reason to not want you. To realize you were too… damaged to love. 

You cleared your throat, your cleats clicking in the concrete as it hit the floor. “You better get your boots on. We’re going to be late,” 

You didn’t wait for her response before you pushed yourself to a standing position, and headed out onto the field. 

You hadn’t spoken to your girlfriends since the article came out. You had spent a very rare night in your own apartment, ignoring their texts, and the calls that had followed. 

You were surprised they hadn’t staked out your apartment this morning, or been waiting for you when you arrived (admittedly late) to practice. 

You understood that you couldn’t ignore them forever. You didn’t want to. 

You just wanted enough time to gather your thoughts. Time to figure out how you were going to explain it all to them. You just wanted 3 hours of peace, before you would have to face reality.

Before you would have to finally deal with Pandora’s box. 

You snorted to yourself as you reached the locker room door. 

At least Pandora’s box had held hope with all of the bad things. Your box held nothing but pain and agony. Memories that had burned and sizzled the happiness you had finally regained. 

Experiences that were like bubbling acid, destroying everything they touched. 

You didn’t want them to destroy the word that you had rebuilt for yourself. 

You wanted to pretend for just a bit longer that you weren’t a poison that could only hurt the things you loved. 

Pretend like you weren’t about to lose everything. Like they hadn’t realized how… unworthy you were of them yet. 

*****

You felt eyes on you the second you stepped onto the pitch. Like tiny lasers, following your every step. Your every breath. Like they were waiting for you to break down. 

And for the most part, you ignored them. 

You painted your signature easy smirk across your lips and joined the midfield warmup line behind Kyra. It was also coincidentally the line furthest from your girlfriends. 

You focused on the drill, watching as Lia expertly weaved through the cones, the coaches passing her a ball every 3 cones to send into a mini-net. It was easy to let your mind sink into the familiarity of soccer. 

The field had always been your happy place, even when coaches were running you into the ground. It was a place where all that mattered was your skill. Your ability to ignore physical discomfort and pain to run circles around your teammates. 

It was why you lasted so long under Rory Dames, Paul Riley, and the rest of the USWNT coaches. They couldn’t break you on the pitch. Pain only fueled you. 

It’s what had driven them to… other methods. 

You pushed yourself through the line drills, forcing your legs to move faster, and your feet to take shorter touches, driving the pace of the midfield line higher and higher. 

“You know this is just warm up right?” Kyra panted as she made it through the final drill, both hands behind her head. “We still have an entire practice to go,” 

You shrugged, grabbing a water bottle and squirting a bit in your mouth as you waited for the other lines to finish. “Just feeling it today,” 

“Don’t feel it too hard though,” She said, side-eyeing you, trying to sound casual. “Pushing yourself won’t make it better,” 

You blinked at her, and the uncharacteristic seriousness in her voice. The young Australian was the last person you expected to read the article and then try to confront you about how you dealt with it all. 

“I’m fine,” You mumbled, squirting more water in your mouth. 

“Never said you weren’t,” Kyra said quickly, stealing the bottle from your hands, briefly glancing over your shoulder. “But you don’t have to be if you don’t want to be,”

You nodded stiffly. 

You knew that if you wanted to fall apart the team, and your girlfriends would be there for you. 

But you didn’t want to. 

It would make it real instead of just the bad dream you had convinced yourself it was. 

“I just want to play football,” You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “I’m over everything else,” 

Kyra hummed, her serious look shifting into an impish grin as she flipped the bottle towards you and squirted you with water. “Heads up,” 

“Must you always be such a pest?”  Leah’s voice appeared behind you before you could think about what Kyra meant, her arms wrapping around your middle and her chin resting on your shoulder. “Hello darling,”

Shivers ran down your spine when her lips pressed into the sensitive spot just below your ear, and your body tensed unsure if it wanted to sink back into her or flinch away. Your skin crawled in a way that it never had in her embrace before. 

You shoved the feeling down. 

It was ridiculous. 

Uncalled for. 

Not real. 

“Hey,” You said, painting a smile on your face and forcing yourself to relax back into her familiar hold.“The forwards aren’t finished yet?” 

“They were on their last drill when we finished,” She said, loosening her grip so you could turn to face her. “Less will be happy to see you. She missed you last night,” 

You noted the worry lines on her forehead and the crinkle between her eyes. 

You forced your lips to quirk upward into a teasing smirk despite how heavy it felt. “Just her?” 

“You know better my love,” Leah hummed, her blue eyes searching your face and her thumbs running over the skin under your training top just above your waistband. “We were worried about you,”

You could hear the honesty, the concern in her voice. The unspoken questions lingering in the air between you. 

“I’m ok,” You said, meeting her eyes. 

It was the truth. Right now, with the pitch under your feet, you felt alright. 

You felt almost normal. 

She nodded once. “Ok,” 

You appreciated that she didn’t press you. Didn’t point out the obvious cracks in your perfect mask. 

You knew you wouldn’t be able to escape their probing later, but at least now she let you be. 

“You’re still coming home with us tonight?” She asked, her voice still soft, and you swallowed hard. 

Jonas blew the whistle just as the forwards finished their last line drill, calling the group to circle up before you could answer. 

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, gently extracting yourself from your girlfriend. 

“We should go,” You said, ignoring her question and the deep frown etched across her features. 

It should have bothered you how the knot in your chest loosened as you stepped out of her grasp. How your skin didn’t feel like it was on fire. 

Her and Alessia had always made you feel safe and it should have bothered you that Leah’s hands had reminded you of his. 

But you didn’t have time to be bothered. 

You pushed the feelings down again, forcing the lid on them shut. 

You hoped Jonas’ remarks would be short. That you could have the ball at your feet soon. That you could sink into the familiar peace soccer always brought you before any more emotions tried to force their way to the surface. 

A stupid article would not derail your practice. 

*****

You stayed at the edge of the group as Jonas explained the 3 on 3 drill he wanted you to do, watching his little whiteboard as he drew out the formations. 

It was easy to ignore the poorly concealed glances from your teammates (and Leah’s blatant staring). It was easy to force yourself to focus on the coach. 

It was easy to pretend your other girlfriend hadn’t edged her way over to you, her perfume surrounding you with the sense of peace you had been missing since the stupid article came out. Surrounding you like it had done since the two of you were at UNC together, and she was your anchor to reality, even when she didn’t know it. 

Alessia didn’t try to touch you, even as she leaned closer. 

“Be my partner?” She asked in a whisper, the words tickling your ear. 

You made a low noise of agreement, your fingers fidgeting at your sides. 

It felt like when you were in college again. 

Like every time you would come back from a national team camp, and have to reintegrate back into the team. How she would always inch over to you while Coach Dorrance explained drills. 

The two of you had been dancing around your feelings back then, and you had been convinced your heart and soul were too damaged to deserve someone like her. 

You thought her and Leah had finally unconvinced you. That they had finally washed away the feelings of hands you didn’t want and cracks that you feared could never be healed. 

You were wrong. 

When the news broke, you stared at the headline for hours. You were thankful that you had decided to spend the night alone for once. That your girlfriends were having a date night (something the three of you tried to do every once in a while) because the rush of uncleanliness that rushed over you and settled deep beneath your skin, leaching into your bones was unstoppable. It didn’t matter how raw you scrubbed your skin in the shower.

“Ready?” 

The nudge pulled you out of your thoughts, and you blinked at the blonde forward. 

You hadn’t realized that Jonas was finished, or that most of your teammates had already dispersed. 

“Oh, yeah,” You muttered, unsure of where you were supposed to go, or what you were supposed to do. 

Maybe you hadn’t been paying as much attention as you thought. 

Alessia’s lips tilted upwards, and she sent you a knowing smile. The one you hadn’t seen often since you were both in America. The one that used to greet you after bad camps and hard nights. 

“Come on then,” She nudged your arm with her shoulder again.“Steph’s our third,” 

Your eyebrows furrowed. 

Why hadn’t she picked Leah as your third?

She always picked Leah. 

You were the one who liked to play against your defender girlfriend. She was always physical, and it never failed to get you worked up. 

Alessia liked to play with Leah. Their banter always wound her up. 

You turned, glancing at the Australian defender already collecting a ball. Frankly, you were just thankful it wasn’t Emily. 

That would remind you too much of your time at UNC. 

“Alright,” You nodded, swallowing hard. 

You had no reason to feel this… off balance. 

No reason to be thinking about the things you had escaped. 

Alessia’s head tilted to the side, watching you. “We need to make sure we kick Leah’s ass. She’s got Viv and Lea. It’s unfair,”

You hummed again. 

This you could do. 

You let your brain slip into the safe place where all that mattered were tactics and the ball. The safe place where all that existed was the pitch, and none of the other noise mattered. 

“We’re faster, and we can outmaneuver them,” You mumbled, letting her guide you towards Steph. “It’s the team of Beth, Kyra, and Katie I’m more worried about honestly,”

While Leah, Lia, and Viv were tactically savvy, you knew you could outpace them. They were defensive-minded, and you were far more used to being an attacking midfielder than Lia was. You would use their defensiveness against them. 

Beth’s team was much more balanced. Though Katie liked to attack, she was a damn good defender. Kyra could absolutely play as a box-to-box midfielder and Beth was a lethal striker. 

Alessia made a noise of agreement, her hand gently resting on the small of your back. 

The comfort didn’t send pinpricks up your spine like you thought it would, but maybe that was because you were talking about soccer. 

Whatever the reason, you leaned into it, accepting the familiar comfort. 

Yeah, you could do this.

****

“It’s scary to see her like this,” Leah breathed out, glancing towards the door to the showers. 

You had waited until the rest of the team finished before you disappeared through the doors, with a promise from Leah and Alessia that they would keep everyone out. 

Emily and Lotte both joined in their vigil, forming a little circle of sorts with their chairs just outside the washroom.

Alessia sighed, running her hand through your hair. “Reminds me of our junior year,” 

That year had been brutal. 

The two of you were growing closer, edging past the line of friendship into something more. At least you had been until you attended the USWNT World Cup Qualifying tournament. 

After that, everything changed. 

You pulled away completely and looked like a ghost. 

Your eyes dulled from clear to a murky y/e/c like your soul had been ripped out. You were basically nonverbal by the end of the spring semester. It was all Emily, Lotte, and her could do to make sure you ate and got to practice on time. 

She didn’t want to go back to that. Ever. And she didn’t like how similar this felt. 

How easily you had retreated back into yourself and put all of your shields back into place. 

“The year Paul was an assistant for the senior team,” Emily nodded, sharing a meaningful look with Lotte and Alessia. 

Leah frowned.

She was clearly missing something.

“She would come back from National team duty and look like a shell,” Alessia explained gently. “We knew something was going on, but not what it was,” 

“Or how deep it went,” Lotte added, her eyebrows pinched together as she looked back at the door. 

Emily put a gentle hand on her back, rubbing soothing circles. 

“He was her coach for the U17 team too,” Leah said, phrasing it as a statement instead of a question. 

She had read the article, and the full report, unable to stop herself even as the words sliced into her heart like razor blades. It was line after line branding the horrors you had faced from age 13 into her mind, as the reporter described the abuse you and your teammates had endured in excruciating detail. 

The worst was the photo that he had included in the report. 

Three words were handwritten in font that was left on colorful sticky notes around your apartments, telling her and Alessia how much you loved them. Font that was on every card, every poem you wrote for them. 

Font that spelled out Help me, please. 

A plea that hadn’t been heard for years, until an anonymous source had sold the story to the New York Times. 

“Yes,” Emily agreed. “He used to push her so hard during practice and the things that would come out of his mouth were vulgar, but I didn’t know about the other stuff. She only told me they were extra film sessions to help with her game,” 

Leah snorted. “She told us they were tactics meetings, and that he would make her play games she couldn’t win. She never told us what the punishments were,”

“It was by design,” Emily said, using the same careful tone you had used earlier, shaking her head. “I don’t think she’s ever actually processed what happened. She was too busy trying to protect everyone else,”

“She was a child,” Alessia hissed. 

The article said you were 13. Just a kid. You shouldn’t have to protect anyone. They should have protected you. 

The system shouldn’t have failed. They shouldn’t have to deal with the catastrophic fallout. 

“So was I. So was Mal.” Emily bit back. “She didn’t want what was happening to her to happen to us, so she didn’t fucking tell us. We could have stopped it,”

Lotte held up her hands, telling both of them to calm down. “She buried her feelings so she didn’t have to face them,”

They weren’t angry at each other, she knew. They were both fixers and they couldn’t fix this. Just like they hadn’t been able to fix this while the four of you were in college. 

She was just surprised Leah hadn’t snapped yet either. She was the most protective over you, probably because it had taken you longer to fall for her than it had taken for you to fall for Less. 

“And now she doesn’t have a choice,” Leah said with an eerie sense of finality. Like the matter of fact bang of a gavel after a judge made a ruling. 

The stupid Times writer made it impossible for you to continue to ignore it. He made it impossible for you to outrun it. 

“She’s going to try to pretend it’s fine,” Emily sighed, meeting Leah’s eyes. There was something… haunted hiding in their depths that sent a shiver down Leah’s spine. 

“And then completely implode when she can't,” Lotte added, mirroring the haunted look behind Emily’s orbs. 

They had both seen you at your worst, and they feared they were about to get the sequel. 

Leah dragged her eyes from Emily to meet Alessia’s. 

They knew the struggle you had with your emotions, even the happy ones. The cycles you spent oscillating between locking everything inside and shaking in the shower because you couldn’t stop them from pouring out of you and you were afraid of what you would do. 

They all knew about it. 

They had all dealt with it at some point. 

“We’ll keep an eye on her,” Leah promised quietly, again meeting Alessia’s eyes. “She’s coming home with us, or we’re going home with her,”

“She will not be alone tonight,” Alessia agreed. “Or ever again,”

The three other women hummed, before a comfortable silence enveloped them, broken only by the sound of the shower. 

They didn’t have to wait long before the water stopped, and then it was only a few minutes before you came shuffling into the changing room, dressed in one of Alessia’s oversized hoodies and a pair of Leah’s sweatpants despite the warm temperatures outside. 

You looked small. Fragile.

Leah pushed herself to her feet the moment she saw you, only refraining from pulling you into her chest when Alessia placed a gentle hand on her arm. 

She learned in college that physical contact wasn’t always something you enjoyed when you felt this vulnerable. 

“Ready to go Darling?”

Your head bobbed, and you held your hand out for Alessia. 

Leah tried not to let it bother her that you had bypassed her. She knew it was just because you were familiar with how Alessia handled you when you were like this. You knew what to expect from her, while Leah’s reactions were more of a mystery. 

You didn’t want any surprises.

Not now. 

Not when you were feeling so vulnerable. 

Alessia took your hand and pulled herself to her feet, while Leah grabbed all 3 of your bags. 

“Lead the way then,” Leah sent you a very soft smile, gesturing with her free hand. 

Your head bobbed again, and you headed for the door, not even acknowledging Lotte or Emily. 

You didn’t have the mental capacity to address them anymore. Practice had taken all that you had, and you just hoped you could make it through the night with your girlfriends. 

You honestly just wanted to curl up in your bed and pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist. 

Maybe they would let you for one more night. 

*****

Dinner had been… quiet. 

Frankly, most of their night had been quiet. 

An eerie silence seemed to settle over any space you were in, suffocating and heavy, unable to be broken even by a soft soccer game playing in the background. 

You seemed to be… sleepwalking in a way. 

Your eyes were open, but you were light years away, lost in exactly what thoughts they weren’t sure. 

This was much worse than when you were at UNC. 

But Alessia and Leah both resolved not to push you. 

They let you pull away from them both while you watched a random men’s game, cuddled into the far end of the couch. They didn’t press as you stared blankly at the screen, only chiming in when they directly asked you a question. 

With the way the night had gone, they weren’t entirely sure you would join them in bed, afraid you would choose to sleep in the guest room instead. Alessia knew if you did, they would be keeping watch outside the door in shifts. 

But you didn’t. 

You had crawled in between them, still dressed in sweats despite the high temperatures in the house. 

Things were again quiet while Alessia scrolled through her phone and Leah read her nightly chapter. You steered clear of touching either of them at first, glaring at the ceiling like it had personally offended you. 

Then you shifted. 

You rolled over slowly, pressing your face into Leah’s stomach. 

She lifted her book to give you space, carefully winding her fingers through your hair with her free hand. Her nails dragged along your scalp, and you were relieved at the familiar warmth and comfort that spread through your chest. 

You never wanted to associate her or Alessia with the feeling of him on your skin. 

It was easier with Alessia. 

She had been there to pick up the pieces after each camp. She had been on ground zero for the fallout. 

Leah hadn’t. 

You only knew Leah from the time you played against her. 

This was also different. 

It was like an army of souls you thought you defeated marching their way back through your mind, reigning old wounds, and ones you had so long pretended didn’t exist. They ripped apart the careful stitches you had used to pull yourself back together and pried open the covers you had placed on the things you could not face. 

This wasn’t a new wound. 

It was stupid that an article. Words. Had reopened the festering relics you thought you escaped. 

Leah turned the page above you, seemingly oblivious to the anguish pulsing through you with every heartbeat. 

But you knew she wasn’t oblivious. 

Her and Alessia had been watching you all day, trying to support you in their own ways. You knew they wanted to help. All you would have to do is ask. 

You made the decision before you could overthink it, rolling away from Leah and staring pointedly at the ceiling. 

“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell you both about what happened,” You said, your voice far more shaky than you thought it would be, and you felt the women on either side of you pause. “I just didn’t know how. I’ve never really known how,”

You didn’t look at them. 

You knew that if you did, you wouldn’t be able to talk about it. The words would get caught in your throat, and just like all of the other times you tried, you would be rendered speechless. 

“We know,” Leah said, her book closing with a low thump. “We’re not upset with you,” 

“We just want to understand,” Alessia added, setting her phone down on the side table. “The things in that article. It went on for so long,” 

Her voice cracked, and part of you longed to turn over and pull her into your arms. To tell her that it wasn’t that bad. To pretend, just like you always had. 

You swallowed hard. You couldn’t do that. 

They knew the truth now, and there was no escaping it. 

“I didn’t know what to do. There’s not exactly a recourse for stuff like this in America,” You explained. You needed them to understand that it wasn’t that you hadn’t tried to stop it. 

It wasn’t that you liked it. 

You were just powerless. One of many cogs in an outdated machine. 

Leah shifted, sitting up and turning to face you, sitting crisscross on the bed, a deep frown etched across her features. “Even on the youth teams?”

You shook your head. 

There hadn’t been anything you could do until you got to the senior team. Until a certain forward recognized the signs and had been so… stubborn and unrelenting in her support. 

“Alex helped,” You sighed., picking at the edge of your sweatshirt sleeve. “She got me to do the report and had Coach Riley removed. Apparently, I wasn’t the first, nor the last,”

You owed a lot to Alex Morgan. More than you would ever be able to repay. She had been the only one to know the true extent of the damage the coach had done, and she fought for you when you couldn’t fight for yourself. 

It’s why you felt so guilty when you left the team. When you left her. 

“It’s why she visited so much in North Carolina,” She said, rather than asking as realization brushed across her features. “Not because she wanted you to play for Orlando,” 

“She was worried, and my Captain at the time,” You mumbled, unable to help the way your lips turned upwards slightly at the mention of the old fight between you and Alessia. The fights about Alex taking a 2-hour flight to visit every weekend. The fight you knew now was centered around jealousy and fear that Alex was trying to get you to leave her.

Leah’s eyebrows pulled more tightly together. “If Riley was gone, why did you stop accepting call-ups?” 

“Vlatko was a lot like Paul. And Roary,” Your nose scrunched at the mention of their names. They left a terrible taste in your mouth. “He doesn’t understand player health and wellbeing. He told me to play on torn tendons in my ankle or risk my spot,”

Leah’s frown deepened as she tried to understand the full extent of what you had endured. “So you gave your spot up,” 

You nodded once. 

Your greatest regret in this whole thing was that you had given up playing for your country. Given up the thing you dreamed about for your entire childhood. 

“I was too tired to fight him too. Especially when I found places and people where I didn't have to fight at all. People who treated me like an actual human, instead of a playing card to be toyed with,”

You finally met your girlfriend's eyes, the weight of your words. The weight of the choice you had made was not lost on either of them. 

“And you carried the weight of it all on your own,” Alessia said, shifting and laying a gentle hand on top of yours, effectively stopping you from unraveling the hem of your sweatshirt sleeve. 

You shrugged. Sometimes you felt like Atlas, forced to hold up the sky, but it was better than being forced to watch the people you loved hold it. 

“You don’t have to do this alone. We’re here to help, but we can’t if you hide things from us,” Leah said, joining Alessia's hand on top of yours. “So no more secrets, alright?”

You bit your lip, finally nodding. 

Old habits would die hard, but you had to try. 

For them. 

Alessia squeezed your hand, and you turned, rolling over so your face rested in its favorite hiding place against her chest, and Leah shifted to spoon you from behind. 

The smothering sadness around you disappeared, driven out by comfortable silence your girlfriend's breathing, and the feeling of them pressed against you. 

There was something else nagging at the back of your mind. 

Something else you hadn’t been ready to face yet. 

No more secrets, you reminded yourself. 

“Emma called me last night,” You admitted softly against Alessia's chest. “she wants to talk at the game against Chelsea,”

The coach had been very polite in her voicemail, leaving an apology you knew she didn’t owe you, and suggesting that the two of you have a chat. 

Leah hummed behind you, lips brushing your ear. “Do you want to talk to her?” 

“She’s probably going to try to convince me to play for the US again,” You said, ignoring the question she asked you. 

“And do you want that?” Alessia prompted again. 

Your shoulders lifted and fell helplessly.“If anyone could convince me, it would be her,” 

“That didn’t answer the question sweet one,” Leah said again, pinching your side. 

You made a low noise, finally pulling your face out of its favorite hiding place. 

You knew what your answer was, and you knew that Alessia and Leah would support you. 

They would help you hold up the weight of the sky, and it would all be ok because you would do it together. 

Article and all. 

[miidnighters]

Is the Earth not meant to be shared? The things that crow, will grow again? Why should her heart be any different?

"Oh, only facts, is that right?" Amusement plays over her face. "If this is your facts then I imagine the poetry and praise must blow people away." Not that she really expects to hear it - they've known each other all of an hour, no matter how handsome she might think him in his prim clothes. He was a client, and she should be professional.

Idle fingers tap at the rim of her china cup. It was good, she thought, that even though he was a client, they seemed to click in humour and temperament. Callisto foresaw several hours of research, of being in each other's company while they get to the bottom of this and, without losing hope, find a way to restore his previous faculties.

"You think that's humbling? Much like your poetry, you'll know it when you hear it." He begins to undo buttons, and for a moment Callisto is confused - until he parts collar to display more of the mark. "Here I didn't think I was going to get a strip show. May I?" She asks, not waiting for an answer before setting her tea down and stepping closer to the side of his chair to peer at the fascinating markings on his chest. They look a little bit carved in, though the colouring is of a bruide. It reminds Callisto of how her own chest looked only a handful of years ago, while she was recovering (if not quite as circular - that is a singular uniqueness). Keen eyes track the way the dark veins spiderweb up along his throat, down under his sleeve to where they emerge again on the hands she'd held earlier. "More shame to them." Them being whoever hadn't believed in him so easily.

"How much does it hurt?" Because it must, surely. No one gains a mark like that without suffering for it, and no one holds something like that within him without it fighting to get out. Callisto half turns, snagging the jar she'd set on the table before but that had largely gone ignored. "This is the same mix I use. It's herbal based, boosted with a bit of Weave, to soothe aches. Put some on now - I don't know how it'll do against something like this, so I need to learn what to adjust."

Maybe, one day, when they're friends she'll think nothing of taking his hand and rubbing the salve in herself. But today they are strangers, and so the thought doesn't even cross her mind.

"A menace?" That wicked smile makes its return - because yes, actually, any man poking his nose where it shouldn't be simply for knowledge would be, wouldn't he? Though his head is turned away from her so Callisto can see how his veins darken up behind his ear, around his eye, he'll be able to hear that wicked smile in her voice. "I could never say no to an offer like that. I can only imagine the things you know that I don't, the aspects of magic that you've practiced that no one in this store has never even dreamed of. Of course I want you to do more than just show me like some party trick."

Callisto, there in the gleam of these lights, is echoing, mirroring the likeness of earth. She would offer compassion, a supply of her patience like the fruit in a grove. She has gifted her alms. She has shared those great valleys of her honey-bled heart. And were she not more mindful, guarding her seasons with a vigilance and care, she will lose herself entirely. She may find herself tilled. Both plundered and wasted and taken for granted... Gale, in a way, might sorely relate.

But he's taking now, isn't he?, no longer a lover to drain of his offerings. His orb croaks in his chest, tempting her over like a hare to a wolf. In truth, she should worry a far less deal about the threat on her mother and ferry her worries more on her.

(Forget it, Gale thinks; he does so all for his sanity. Should ever the time come, you will die with this tempest — alone, not threatening, and far from her.)

"Oh, I must've given you the impression that I'm somewhat charitable—" who'd have thought it! "—but no, I don't simply dole out flattery. Since my coming here this evening, I've offered you only my most forthcoming observations. Were I to start brining you in poetry and all manner of praise," he teases, "believe me—" truly! "—you would know it."

Yet, it seems he's wicked her spirit all the same. Suddenly, her face brightens, and the mood, a little rocky at the start, shifts with an ease to an amiable hum. She's a thing of strange qualities, several parts selfless but several parts mad. She feels to him a talent, all intrigue and fire he could only call daring, and watching, all that hunger to know crackles hotly in her eyes. Perhaps, much the same, that's why she sees him. "Bold? Gosh. And to think I could be so easily read," he jokes, boasting those workings of a smile. "But now thoroughly humbled, perhaps I'm nowhere near as mysterious as I'd originally thought. Of course, there's still every possibility that you've a talent for sleuthing," he adds. "Should you desire a new vocation, you could always go Nancy Drew. I'm sure," as he often is!, "that you'll prove most magical." Funny. Absentmindedly, Gale undoes the first few buttons of his shirt. It's strangely beautiful, that orb, carved in his flesh with all the colors of a battering bruise. It trails all over, veins darkening  up toward his neck and left down his arm. He eyes her carefully, vying very much for that air of humor they'd easily brought. Feisty to somber to funny to trusting? Huffing a little, Gale lets her look. "I wasn't sure what I was expecting. Of course you do," he mutters. "It's been, well, quite some time since someone's believed in me so earnestly. I won't soon betray your trust. You have my word."

"As for you, don't let neither my distinguished appearance nor my verbosity fool you. Despite the ironed shirt, I'll have you know that I was -- and still am, depending on you ask -- quite a menace." Why, isn't that a thought? Gale steadies himself, feeling the throbbing of the blight trickle to his nails. Unfortunately, that middling spell achieved abysmally little to smother it mute, but he's abundantly familiar it's knackering by now. Instead, he turns his head so she may follow the veins. "Well, I would never think to detract a devoted young woman, but I'd be remiss were I not to remind you of the option. I could do more than show you, Callisto. I'm a wizard preoccupied with only those marvels that would beggar belief. What I can offer you is a chance to dare possibilities you haven't yet dared to." A chance at things she thought beyond her.

[mayearies]

BAD HABIT miles g. morales x fem!reader

SUMMARY. miles can’t communicate. he has trouble recognizing his emotions, rio knows this. uncle aaron knows this. you don’t know this. you don’t really know anything is wrong, but you always wish him the best. but you can only wish upon the same star so many times until something changes. CONTENTS. miles being head-over-heels, mentioned break up, rio worrying for her son, uncle aaron being against the whole relationship thing, mentioned meeting his parents AUTHORS NOTE. haii i’m not back but ill feed you once every few months also format ib: luvjunie

rio .

mother knows best. we all know this. a mother knows when she sits on the couch and her 15-year-old sits next to her and starts going on about his girlfriend, how he’s everything she’s ever wanted that he’s in love.

but, a mother also knows her son. “miles, let me ask you something.” she sighed, “how much does she know about you? you tell me all these things about her, does she know the same?”

he paused, taking a soft breath, “i mean, no. but she doesn’t seem like she wants to know all that much.”

her brow creased, “if she’s dating you obviously she wants to know more about you. ¿de qué hablas?”

“yeah, i know, but she doesn’t really ask me.” his brows raised then creased a little.

confusion and concern.

“i’ll tell you one thing, girls tend to not say a lot of stuff that’s on their minds,” she cleared her throat, “they want you to tell them first. it takes a while for them to be comfortable with you.”

miles sighed and bit his cheek. now he was doubting you weren’t comfortable with him. you had only been dating a month.

“i just… want you opening up more. your uncle does too.” her voice turned softer. now miles felt a bit bad because he thought she was being unreasonable with the whole uncomfortable thing.

plus, uncle aaron knows he can’t open up like that to her. he barely has time for his hobbies because of this whole… prowler thing. so what the hell can he talk about? not to mention he can’t even talk to his mother about this because she doesn’t know that either.

“talk to her about comics-con!” miles groaned when she said that. “ma. no.”

rio pouted, “you gotta open up at some point, miles. i mean it.” she noticed one of his braids was slightly undone and braided it for him, “you’re like a shell now. i worry about you.”

miles kept quiet, after a bit he leaned on her shoulder and kept his eyes straight. “i know.”

they didn’t say anything else. rio knew miles knew already. he mumbled a ‘sorry’ and they left it at that with a kiss to his head. there wasn’t a point in talking anymore.

aaron .

“i’m tellin’ you, this isn’t gon’ work out well for you, man.” he warned, “someone’s gon’ end up getting hurt. both you, and her.”

“not like you liked her that much anyway.” miles muttered under his breath, sitting on the couch ans watching the news. just the same thing every week. sinister six this, sinister six that… god damn.

“i never said that, i just don’t want you making a mistake,” he huffed.

aaron was more rough around the edges than his mother, that’s for sure. he didn’t hate him but he was so serious sometimes for no reason. takes part in why he doesn’t talk about this stuff with him. not like he has a father figure to turn to anyway.

“how do you know i’ll make a mistake?” miles felt a bit more defensive now.

“because that’s how it goes—you fall in love, think everything is great, something goes wrong, everything crashes, you move on. it’s a cycle.” he paused before saying this next sentence. “how do you think your ma’s marriage went? think about it.”

miles softed a bit, but he was still a bit irritated. “you didn’t have to go that far.”

he knew that. but it was a perfect example of the worst thing that could have happened. miles sighed, sinking into the couch and turning off the tv. there was tension, and it filled the silence.

“you’re saying i shouldn’t be in love? it’s that bad to like someone?” he kept his eyes on the ceiling.

aaron sighed, finding a better approach to it. “be in love all you want. tell her all about you. your hobbies, what you like. you know how closed off you are, man.” he paused, “just… don’t tell her too much. don’t make a stupid mistake.”

“…alright.”

present day .

miles walked through the apartment door, looking the same as normal. but rio sensed something was off. “qué pasó?”

“nothing. hi, ma.” he kissed her forehead before walking off down the hallway. he didn’t really act like this. his mom could always tell the difference.

“how are you and your little girlfriend doing?” he chucked lightly, trying to make light.

“oh, uh… we broke up.” there was a long silence, “like, today.”

rio was not entirely surprised, but she couldn’t help but ask why. miles shrugged, not facing her.

“just because.”

@ MAYEARIES ‘24

[ilikekidsshows]

did you see the spoilers for ml season 6 where there’s a new girl with a prosthetic leg and that leg ends up broken and marinette’s involved somehow? honestly i’m gonna give marinette the benefit of the doubt for now and just assume this is either a huge misunderstanding/accident or extremely misleading spoiler just because this is a serious thing, like I was super disappointed with how her character’s written in season 4 and 5 but I just don’t want to believe the writers would come up with something like this when this would easily be one of the worst things she’s ever done (if she’s actually responsible). I saw the spoiler on TikTok and there’s several explanations I’ve seen in the comments:

the new girl (idr her name) is lila/cerise in disguise and she wants to ruin marinette’s reputation (iirc the writers said she’s nice and not a villain but maybe they just don’t want to spoil the plot for obvious reasons)

marinette didn’t have bad intentions/it was an accident/misunderstanding/spoilers are too misleading/not enough information yet

and my least favorite explanation…the new girl was trying to get with adrien (some fans are saying this to say this is all part of her scheme to get adrien to break up with marinette and date her instead but some are saying this to justify marinette if she was actually at fault for this)

I think my main concern is how the writers are going to address this. What if they try to justify it if marinette really was at fault? Or what if it’s all a misunderstanding but then they put the new girl to the side to focus on how sad this is for marinette? Are they going to be able to address this in a way that doesn’t come across as ableist while also not making their protagonist look like a bad person? What do you think?

---

I just saw the leak, but at first I couldn't find it, so I’d already written a response before that, so here's me describing the possible nightmare scenarios before the writers proved me right about their priorities:

Like, hot take, but it doesn’t matter what the new girl is doing, messing with her mobility aid would still be absolutely unforgivable. Even if it’s Lila in disguise, Marinette has already exhibited so much ableism in trying to prove her disabilities aren’t real that I would just say that the writers shouldn’t be allowed to as much as mention any disability ever again. “A person claiming they’re disabled could be lying to get special considerations, so make sure to check any claims of disability, no matter how awful you come across for doing it,” is not a lesson that has any place in a children’s cartoon, even accidentally. And that’s exactly what any scenario with a girl faking a disability / using their disability to get closer to Adrien would entail as well, the idea that we should be suspicious of disabled people trying to “cheat” their way to things that “belong” to us.

But, like, even if it actually is going to be aiming to be an actual lesson in disabilities where it’s all a misunderstanding/mistake, the thing is that, lately, I’ve been looking back at the “lessons” in this show, even in the earlier seasons, and I just don’t have faith in these writers’ ability to deliver any kind of moral to kids in a consistent way, unless they’re going to have a character directly talk to the screen to explain what the moral is.

Let’s use ‘The Mime’ as an example. The scenario in this episode is that Marinette, through her clumsiness, deletes the most important video Alya had filmed so far, and then spends the rest of the episode trying to recreate the video in order to cover up for her mistake. In the end, it turns out there was no problem because Alya had already saved a copy of the video because she expected something like Marinette deleting it to happen, so she was never even mad or disappointed, but Marinette still sets up Alya to get a one-on-one interview with Ladybug. What did Marinette learn in this episode exactly?

The most good faith interpretation of the episode is that the point is that you own up and make up for your mistakes, hence Marinette setting Alya up to get an interview with Ladybug. But this message is muddled up by the fact that, even before the retool, the writers didn’t want Marinette suffering any real consequences for messing up, or to show her messing up in a way that couldn’t be “fixed”, so the video was actually safe and no irreparable damage was done. Alya had foreseen that Marinette would mess up and planned accordingly. This takes the wind out of the sails of the lesson because of course Marinette would do something nice for Alya, who’s such a considerate friend who never gets mad at her and plans around Marinette’s flaws. It’s a pretty different thing to go out of your way to apologise or make things up to someone who is actually mad at you for a good reason, and it requires a lot more courage. The situation in ‘The Mime’ is the easiest version of this situation imaginable for Marinette, but completely unrealistic for anyone facing this kind of situation in real life.

So, with this kind of previous showing back when I still had faith in this show, how would I expect them to deal with Marinette accidentally messing with someone’s mobility aid post-retool? I’d expect a lot of focus on how upsette Marinette is, because that’s the show’s number one priority outside of the love quest, with the show going out of it’s way to make it very clear that Marinette didn’t mean to, she feels really bad about it and she’s scared of how the new girl will react. At the end of the episode she would gather her courage and face the music, and it turns out the new girl was actually getting a new mobility aid that very same day and she wouldn’t have needed the old one any longer anyway. And then Marinette will maybe make some gesture of friendship that the new girl gladly accepts, no hard feelings. Any normal person would still be pissed about their expensive mobility aid being messed with, but the writers of this show never have characters react normally when the normal thing to do is not instantly forgive Marinette. So this scenario would be making things easy for Marinette, but completely unrealistic for the viewing audience.

Simply put, I really, really really hope the sneak preview is purposefully misleading, as they tend to be, and the crew doesn’t try to tackle the topic of physical disabilities with their tendency to favor the perspective of their coddled, able-bodied protagonist.

—

After seeing the leak:

So, like, fucking hell, way to further sully the idea that Marinette ever took her job as Ladybug seriously. Just to make herself look like the victim when she’s caught stalking someone (something she insisted last season she’d stopped doing), she goes so far as faking being Akumatized, transforming into Ladybug and jumping right in the middle of the field, of this girl's path, to scream about an Akuma attack. Like, the reveal that Sublime knew there was actually no Akuma and that Tomoe apparently made the leg less sturdy on purpose doesn’t make it better when Marinette got Sublime slippery and then startled her enough to make her slip. People break perfectly fine legs from slipping, it's why anti-skid devices sell so well in winter. All of this being an accident doesn’t make it okay, and Marinette sure as hell didn’t have anything close to those “good intentions” her stans love to attribute to her.

But, of course, her victim is going to be a perfect flawless angel who wasn't even upset about the stalking, instead defending Marinette to Ladybug, just in case saying: “this girl I know pretended to be Akumatized because she was caught stalking me” might make Marinette look bad to the audience. She also instantly reassures Ladybug, the one who actually caused her to slip, who hasn't done anything more than stare at her slack-jawed, because god forbid anyone ever say anything about Marinette that isn't validation or praise while she's too busy freaking out about herself.

Like, Marinette causes Sublime to break her leg, and we instantly see the victim in this situation go: “I’m okay, I’m not hurt”, while Marinette just stands there having her personal little panic attack. Like, a girl lost her leg, and the writers still try to sell Marinette as the injured party by having the victim insist she's okay while Marinette is having another one of her manipulative, please-feel-sorry-for-me-audience emotional breakdowns. The writers seriously made Marinette’s victim prioritize reassuring her over anything else.

I knew the writers were going to have Marinette be instantly forgiven, but I wasn’t expecting it to be so instant that she didn’t even get to finish processing her fuck-up. Or to go so out of their way to make Marinette seem less at fault because, like, Tomoe messing with the leg on purpose isn't a villain scheme, it was just to make Marinette look better in comparison.

The writers have this ability where, when I write down what I think would be a very likely way for one of their stories to go very badly, they do just that while still managing to make it worse.

[oldsoul007]

the last time

joel miller x reader

summary: they knew it could happen

joel miller masterlist

The world had narrowed down to the two of us.

Joel’s chest heaved as he helped me stumble through the crumbling streets, both of us drenched in sweat and dust. The Clickers had almost caught us. We had barely managed to get out of the warehouse alive, and the sky was now darkening, thick with the remnants of the day’s heat.

Every time Joel glanced at her, the knot in his stomach tightened. Something wasn’t right. He’d seen her fight off exhaustion more times than he could count, but today, she was different. Her steps were slower, unsteady. Her breath was ragged, a little too sharp for comfort.

“Y/n,” he muttered, his voice low but filled with concern. “You okay?”

I didn’t answer right away. I kept my eyes forward, her hand still gripping his but with less strength than usual. The space between us felt heavier with each step.

Then he saw it.

I had raised my arm, reaching out for support as we turned a corner, and there—just below my jacket sleeve—was the unmistakable, jagged bite. Blood, still dark and wet, stained the fabric.

Joel’s heart stopped. For a split second, everything around us ceased to exist—the ruined city, the setting sun, the bitter chill creeping in. All that mattered was the blood on my arm. The blood that had never, ever been part of our plan.

“No,” Joel rasped, his voice cracking like old wood. He jerked me around to face him, his hands shaking as they gripped my shoulders. His gaze locked on the mark. The bite.

“I—” I tried to speak, but my throat caught. The words wouldn’t come.

“You—” Joel took a step back, his hands falling away from me as if I had burned him. His heart thundered in his chest. He looked from the mark on my arm to my face, the realization sinking in like cold water. “How?”

I closed my eyes for a moment, breathing in, trying to steady myself. But when I looked back at him, there was no hiding the truth. No pretending.

“It happened during the fight,” I said softly, my voice cracking. “I didn’t… I didn’t even feel it at first. We were so damn close to getting away—”

Joel shook his head, his breath coming in shallow bursts. “You didn’t tell me. You should’ve told me.”

“I didn’t want to—” I cut herself off, glancing down at the ground. I was trying to hold it together, but I knew Joel could see the exhaustion in me, the weight of it. I was breaking, just like he was.

“I need you, y/n.” The words burst out of him before he could stop them. His voice broke, raw and desperate, like something inside him had cracked. “We’ve already lost everything. I can’t lose you, too.”

My eyes filled with tears, but I blinked them away, trying to stay strong. I reached for him then, my hands trembling as I touched his face—gently, like I was afraid to shatter him, afraid to shatter myself.

“You already have,” I whispered, the words so quiet he almost didn’t hear them.

Joel’s chest tightened, and his mind couldn’t process what she was saying. His breath came in shallow gasps.

“No,” he said, shaking his head violently, as if he could fight the reality away. “I can’t do this again. I can’t lose you.” His eyes burned with unshed tears, and his voice came out hoarse, ragged. “Not after Sarah.”

The mention of Sarah felt like a punch to the gut. It always did. Every time.

I flinched, the ghost of Sarah’s name hanging between us. He knew it was unfair to say her name, but he couldn’t stop himself. It was the only comparison he had left. The only thing that explained the magnitude of what was happening to them.

The loss was too big.

I shook my head, a slight smile breaking through my tear-streaked face, but it was bitter and broken. “I know. I know.” My voice cracked again, and I dropped my hand from his face, letting it fall to my side. “But I can’t keep pretending that this isn’t how it ends for us, Joel. We knew this could happen. We knew.”

Joel’s whole body trembled. “No. We’ve made it this far. We’ve survived the worst, y/n. Please.”

I backed away from him then, taking a hesitant step back, like I was afraid that if I stayed too close, the weight of it all would crush us both.

“Joel,” I said quietly, the pain in my voice more than he could stand. “You are—. You’re the only thing left, the only thing I have.” My voice faltered. “But this… I’m not gonna make it, and I can’t ask you to watch me change.”

Her words struck him like a blow. His heart felt like it was being torn out of his chest. He reached for me again, but I stepped further away.

“I won’t let you do that,” he pleaded, his voice breaking as he reached for me one more time. “I won’t let you turn. We’ll find a way. There’s always a way.”

But I looked at him then, my eyes full of love and something else—something darker, like I knew the truth even though neither of us wanted to say it.

“I’m already gone, Joel,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “There’s nothing left to save.”

The words shattered him.

I wasn’t talking about the infection, not really. I was talking about the part of me that had fought for so long, the part of me that had fought with him, for him, after everything they had lost. I was talking about the end of something we’d both held onto for so long—an end we had both feared, but never truly acknowledged until now.

And in that moment, as the world seemed to press in on them, Joel understood. The pain in his chest, the ache of losing someone again, was a familiar feeling—a feeling he had buried so deep after Sarah. But it had come back. And it was here to stay.

I had always been a fighter. We both had. But this? This was something neither of us could fight. Not anymore.

Joel stepped forward again, slowly this time, his heart pounding in his chest, but when I didn’t pull away, he reached out for me, cupping my face in his hands. I closed my eyes, and a tear slipped down my cheek.

He kissed me then—slow, desperate, as if trying to burn me into his soul, trying to make this last moment stretch into infinity. I kissed him back, my hands gripping his shirt like it was the only thing keeping me tethered to this world.

When we pulled apart, I rested my forehead against his, breathing raggedly, our faces close enough to feel each other’s tears.

“I love you,” he whispered, the words choking him. He couldn’t say it enough, not while there was still time.

“I love you so much,” I murmured, my voice soft and fragile. “But I’m not the one you need to save, Joel. Not anymore.”

The silence stretched between us, thick and suffocating, as we both understood what was coming. What we had left was each other—and that wasn’t enough to stop what was inevitable.

I pulled away then, not to escape, but because I knew I had to.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly, the words a whisper in the cold evening air.

Joel could barely breathe, his heart shattering in his chest as he watched me turn away from him, each step breaking him just a little more.

And as she walked into the darkness, leaving him behind, all he could do was stand there, watching, knowing this would be the last time he would ever see her—his y/n.

[gaybananabread]

Hi! For day 1, could you please do ramshackle with ler skipp and lee stone? Thank you!! :))

TickleTober Day 1 - Anticipation

~Alright! Kicking off the month with one of my newer obsessions is always fun. I’m excited to get all these done; hopefully all 30 days this year! Thank you for requesting, and I hope you Enjoy!~

Lee: Stone

Ler: Skipp

Summary: Stone is in a mood, snapping and sassing his friends for almost no reason. Skipp gets more than a little tired of it, deciding to use some unconventional methods to get Stone out of his funk; however, he doesn’t get started right away. After all, the best things come to those who wait.

Warnings: brief cigarette use! This is a tickle fic, so if you don’t like that, scroll away!!

Kicking around trash in their slum alley, Stone huffed and grumbled about. He’d been in a sour mood all day - probably because they’d had shoes for dinner the night before. Taking his anger out on an empty liquor bottle, he sighed as the glass shattered and shot tiny fragments across the alleyway.

Skipp snapped his head up, his fear fading to concern and a slight annoyance as he pieced together what happened. Not another mood…

“Stone, buddy, you can’t smash bottles. We kinda sleep on the ground, if you forgot, and I don’t think broken glass makes for a good pillow.” Walking over to the grumpy man, Skipp tried to reason with him. When he placed a hand on Stone’s shoulder, it was quickly shrugged off and scoffed at.

“Whatever. Wha’ does it even matter? I barely ever sleep at night anyway,” Stone grumped, lighting a cigarette and ignoring his fellow scrap. That made Skipp’s small smile fall, concern dominating his expression.

“I know, but still. We don’t wanna dirty up our place anymore than the city already has.” Skipp kicked a bit of the broken glass around, trying to use his foot as a broom. It worked…kinda. He’d have to ask Vinnie where she put their actual broom when she got back from her supply run.

“Ugh, like we care abou’ the mess. We are a mess, Skipp - all three of us. Probably gonna die as one, too.” His words were harsh, much harsher than he meant to be. Still, he was in a mood; there was no way he was gonna apologize.

That stubborn thought nearly died as he saw Skipp’s lip quiver for a moment.

“Skipp…” Stone lowered his cigarette, reaching a hand out to rest on the blonde’s shoulder. He pulled away before the gloomy man could touch him, still looking down.

“Fine. If you’re just gonna be grumpy and mean for no reason, I guess I’ll have to…” Skipp slowly got closer to Stone, raising his head; the mischievous grin on his face was immediately recognizable, making Stone’s stomach flip. “Tickle you.”

Oh shit. Oh shit!

Stone dropped his cigarette, internally cringing at the waste as he took off running. A light was worth less than whatever was left of his sanity, though. He pumped his legs as fast as they would go, not sparing a single second to look behind him.

Skipp snickered as he ran off, but didn’t take off after him; their alleys only went so far before looping back to the street. The blonde calmly jogged over to the connecting road, ducking into the alley spit-out. Lo and behind, Stone came racing towards the opening, his eyes flying wide as he saw Skipp.

Before the broody man could backpedal, Skipp lunged and pinned him to the ground. They were still inside the alley, concealed well enough to have privacy. Stone was straddled in seconds, thrashing beneath his fellow scrap.

“Ge’ the fuck off, Skipp! I swear, ’m gonna-” Stone’s threat was cut off by Skipp’s hand resting on his stomach. It definitely wasn’t his worst spot, but he was still ticklish there.

“Oh, what was that? Gonna…what? Apologize for being so mean?” Skipp teased, wiggling his fingers ever-so-slightly against the taller man’s stomach. Stone bit his lip, holding back his small giggles. A feeling of anticipation settled in his gut, making him giddy and nervous.

“F-fuck you! Don’ even try it, or yer dead!” Stone continued to threaten him, refusing to apologize. I mean, yeah, he probably did owe the blonde a good one, but he was busy being stubborn.

Skipp shrugged, flattening his hand against Stone’s stomach. He wasn’t gonna tickle him - yet. With Stone, it was best to let things marinate; he reacted a lot better after he got in his head.

“Hmm. That’s not very nice, Stone. I mean, it’s almost like you’re asking to be tickled,” Skipp mused, sighing with phony ponderance. The fingers on Stone’s stomach started to drum, sending tiny little shocks of ticklishness through his abdomen.

“Skipp, you bitch- gehet off!” Shoving at Skipps hand, Stone struggled to stay composed. Though the man above him was barely doing anything, the anticipation made everything ten times more intense; even if he wasn’t touching him, the grump would probably be giggling.

“Was that a giggle? I’m not even doing anything, man,” Skipp teased, gathering the moody man’s wrists above his head. Stone was incredibly on edge, too focused on the eventual tickles to fight back much. “I didn’t say anything funny, did I?”

Stone groaned at the teasing, tugging at his arms as he wriggled around on the pavement. Thanks to his thick, long clothes, he was protected from pain and most discomfort. His nerves were on fire, unprovoked giggles building in his throat. He was thoroughly in his head, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

“Shuhut up, Skipp!” The blonde’s fingers scratched once, moving in a quick up-and-down motion to tease him. Stone squeaked, his gruff pitch skyrocketing for a moment as Skipp actually did something. He tried to scowl afterwards, but the giddy smile on his face made it awfully difficult.

“Sh-shihit! Skipp, youhu motherfucker-” Stone giggled through his “harsh” words, trying and failing to think of a good threat. Skipp wasn’t even tickling him anymore, but the giggles continued.

“Aww, poor Stone. Dooming himself to tickles because he won’t apologize…” Skipp shook his head, sighing sadly. Was that a little mean? Eh, yeah, but it was fun! Like Stone wasn’t enjoying himself regardless. He left his fingers to sit still on Stone’s stomach, waiting for the grouch to cave.

It was barely another minute before he broke.

“F-fine! Fihine! I’m sohorry for bein’ so mean. Hahappy?” Stone relented, looking away as he apologized. Every nerve in his body was buzzy with antsiness, begging him to squirm and giggle his heart out. His pride refused to let him, though.

“I mean, I’m happy, but I think you could still use some cheering up.” Suddenly, without any more teasing or taunts, Skipp wiggled all five fingers into Stone’s belly. 

Again, the man’s stomach wasn’t that bad a spot; if anything, it was one of his most bearable ones. With all the anticipation built in him, however, it might as well have been the holy giggle-grail.

“SHIHIHIhihit! Skihihipp! Fuhuhuck youhu!” Stone arched his back against the pavement, testing Skipp’s grip strength as he giggled. All attempts at stoicism were gone, replaced with giggly protests. The blonde couldn’t help but smile at his giddy compatriot’s reaction.

“Aww, Stone! I didn’t think your belly was that ticklish, but those giggles are adorable!” Skipp cooed, continuing to tease the ravenette. He knew he was being a little evil, but he just loved the wide, unapologetic smile the teases provoked.

“Ihi hahahahate youhuhuhu!” That was bullshit, and they both knew it; Stone just needed something to say, and barbs came so naturally to him. Unluckily for him, that counted as being mean.

“Stone! You just apologized for being mean, yet you’re insulting me? Really?” Skipp shook his head, feigning disappointment. “Guess I’m gonna have to try harder to get you outta this mood.”

“Wahahait, Skipp, dohon’t you- fffFFUHUHUHUHUCK! NOHAHAHO!” Five fingers wiggled into the backs of Stone’s ribs, making him arch his back with a shout of laughter. Thanks to his giddiness, the attack on his worst spot tickled five times as badly.

“Yes! See how happy you sound? This feels way better than being all grouchy, doesn’t it?” That was just adding insult to injury. Stone’s cackling was incredibly loud; even in their semi-secluded alley, he was sure someone would hear him. Swallowing what little pride the man had left, Stone tapped out.

“I-IHIHIHI CAHAHAN’T! STOHOHOP!” Upon the forfeit, Skipp immediately stopped tickling and switched to gently rubbing the taller man’s back. Whenever someone tickled the snot out of him, the massage would help him calm down.

“Uhuhuhugh…y-youhuhuhu lihittle shihihit…” Stone huffed, struggling to catch his breath. Now that his hands were free, he hugged his middle to try and regain his composure. The pavement wasn’t exactly the most comfortable place to lie down, so Skipp shifted the other man to lie in his lap.

Stone huffed at the touch, but didn’t move away. After all, Skipp’s chest did feel better than the dingy alley floor.

“Hey…wanna head back to our alley? I’m sure Vinnie’s back with some beans by now.” Skipp nudged the tired man’s arm, knowing they probably shouldn’t stay in the random alleyway for too long.

“F-fihine. C’mere,” Stone groaned a little dramatically, using Skipp to help himself up. The shorter man giggled at that, supporting his weight before starting their small walk home. 

While their silliness wasn’t exactly the most mature way to cheer Stone up, it certainly was their favorite. Hearts lighter and moods lifted, the two men eagerly awaited the beans Vinnie would hopefully offer upon their return.

[sorcerous-caress]

Companions with a Halfling Tav

[Fluff, kind reader, chubby reader, halfling reader, nb!reader]

[Wyll, Karlach, Gale, Lae'zel, Shadowheart, Astarion, Halsin, Minthara]

Wyll

Anyone seeing the two of you together wouldn't have believed that you were strangers who met less than a month ago. The playful teasing, the wholehearted smiles, and the comfort at being at each other's sides.

You really had a way to wrap every human you meet around your fingers, like you were an old friend they haven't met in a long time. It didn't take long for Wyll to feel at ease around you.

Your kind nature, your beautiful smile and your cheery demenour. You've always known how to brighten the mood and lift someone up even on their worst days.

Each meeting with Mizora left a sour taste in the aftermath, yet you've washed it down with each warm drink you handed to Wyll afterwards. Looking up at him from below, he felt his heart melt at the concerned look in your glossy eyes as you lifted the cup up towards him, a reassuring smile on your lovely lips.

A smile that said things will be better, that he will be okay.

He felt like the luckiest man in the world to have met you, met someone as precious and caring as you.

Karlach

And here she thought she'd be the only person in this camp who is looking to have fun and forgo the storm for rainbow.

The others are fine, but Karlach had what felt like a lifetime of misery already, of constant struggle and endless days to wallow in her sadness.

She has missed life, missed living and the excitement of it. The tenderness of a hug, and yours are absolutely the best she has ever had.

The way you fit perfectly into her arms whenever she gets on her knees to wrap you in her embrace. Your soft chubby body was brimming with love and care. Each warm hug reminded her of why life is worth living, of why she fights so hard everyday to stay a little bit longer.

She understands know why the goddess of halflings is also that of life, you're the embodiment of the one thing she was robbed of and god she never plans on letting you slip through her fingers.

The sound of both of your laughter can be heard in the early breakfast as Karlach sits next to you, her head laying on her crossed arms on the table while admiring you from the side. A time where everyone else is grumpy and sleepy, the two of you manage to be bundles of sunshine.

Your energy feeding into one another, returning the same effort and regifting the same happiness back.

Gale

Enjoys cooking food with you by his side. There is something to be said about the homely magic halflings bring with them wherever they may go.

Somehow, you sitting near him on the table and helping him chop down the vegetables for the stew, makes him feel at ease. Your smile is infectious, and Gale finds himself humming a song as the two of you make dinner together for the rest of the camp.

Your kind had a clear appreciation for the arts, for the many things humanity invented. Gale would invite you back to his tent after the meal, offer to read you stories as your small body curls on top of him. His blanket keeping the both of you warm.

Gale is sharing one of the most prestigious literature books, yet you've easily managed to keep up with the complex lore, identifying the many plot twists before they could happen. All while laying on top of him, letting him greedly cuddle your soft chubby body and speak his heart out.

Halfling and humans truly had a bond like no other, so similar and yet so distinct. To Gale, you were the warm home he'd come back to at the end of an adventure, the warm cup of chocolate during a rainy day.

Lae'zel

She doesn't treat you any differently. One day, you bring up the fact of being halfling, and she says she didn't really notice.

If you ask more then she admits that she judges and memorise people by their combat abilities, rarely by their looks or shapes. As far as she was concerned, she wouldn't have been able to tell you apart from a tiefling. To her, there are only gith and others.

While you do fall into others, you're not exactly like them. There is something special about you, the fact you take a step back each time the party fails or encounters something damning, let them recollect themselves and have some time to relax before embarking again.

She admits she has always looked down on those ways, thought they were meaningless and a waste of time. Yet you've proven her wrong many times, and that she admits.

To rest, sit back and stay in the current moment. She feels restless, gets more agitated the more she has nothing to do. What do you mean her sword is sharp enough and doesn't need more sanding? You don't know what you're talking about, there is nothing such as too much sanding.

But you hold her hend in your own, entangle your finger with hers. Guide her back to the fire with the rest of the companions, hand her a warm bowl of soup and tell her to take it easy.

She hasn't touched her soup, yet there is a great warmth spreading through her. Your hums of a melody, quiets her brain, your touches, relaxes her drumming heart.

She looks at the stars and longs for a home she has never seen before, a place where she should belong. But at this moment, nothing in her life felt more like home than sitting by your side.

Shadowheart

She's been taught to hold on to her sadness, to use it to guide her. That her suffering gives her purpose, that hear tears give her meaning.

The two of you have a lot to learn from each other, the moon and sun in an endless dance, chasing one another whilst avoiding the other.

She relives her sadness too much, reopens her wounds too many times. You bury yours, stretch your smiles too thin and downplay your injuries too often.

She returns your kindness and is there to see you at your worst of states. When you can't be the person who is expected to cheer everyone up, when you feel like the ground is crumbling beneath your feet, she catches you in her arms.

And you teach her forgiveness, of her self, current and past. Of her sins, current and future. You extend a hand of mercy and she in return offers an embrace of empathy.

The two of you share a special bond of mutual respect and understanding.

Astarion

He never thought he'd fall for someone shorter than him, truth be told. High elves were always raised on these less than ideal views for the smaller races.

And maybe this is the irony of the fate, that the single person to manage to steal his heart was you. Barely reaching his waist and easily lifting him up.

He was cautious around you at the state, after all the most chipper and goody two shoes people hid the darkest secrets behind that facade. You can't possibly be all smiles and rainbows, can you?

Yet no matter how many times he rummaged through your closet, not a single skeleton could be found, not even a loose tooth or a spine.

Astarion didn't realise how much he was starting to warm up to you, until that one morning you were helping him brush his hair while he sipped on a cup of a blood you've kindly prepared for him.

As he held the cup with the cute cow prints on it, the same one he stole from you, it hit him.

You've been coddling him and making him feel at home without him realising it for so long! And like an idiot he absolutely ate it up. God, is this why his ancestors warned him about Halflings? They really sneak up on you when you least expect it, and the next thing you know, you're spending hours making friendship bracelets for each other.

No, of course, he'll never take it off. Are you crazy? Anyway, you sneaky traitor, it's his turn to do your hair, so come sit on his lap so he can leech of your warmth while hugging your plump body and stomach. No shush, he has earned this. Look, he even has a friendship bracelet as proof.

Halsin

He is very gentle with you, aware of his size, and makes sure never to make you feel uncomfortable or take too much space around you.

Halflings are one of the many gifts of nature, their kind souls and inviting homes have been written about in many elf history books. The best friends of the infamous humans.

You ground him back into reality whenever he gets too lost in his head, worrying about the shocking reality of the modern cities, or the forgotten essence of nature. Your tender touch against his cheek and invitation to sit near the fire and talk it out is everything he could've ever asked for.

You bring home with you wherever you go, be it amidst the misty shadowlands and withering trees, or inside the basement of an abandoned building the party sought cover in from the outside rain.

In fact you'd be the type to embrace the rain and dance in it, barefoot and all. Reigniting Halsin's connection to nature by reminding him of all the beautiful gifts of these earths.

Minthara

Just who do you think you are? Waltzing in here like a drop of sunshine, all cute and small, making Minthara question her sanity.

You stand for everything she has been raised against, the loud laughter that'd get you killed in the underdark, the friendly kind nature that'd get you taken advantage of by the drows, the lovely smile that you flaunt around so easily.

And yet, you're the hero of her story. The person who saved her, let her keep her identity when they tried to erease her existence.

Your light never dims no matter how grumpy she is, your smile never falters no matter how deep her frown gets.

She respects you, admires you and is enthralled by your beauty. The way your thighs look so mesmerising whenever you walk, your chubby fingers that look so short in comparison to her larger hand.

Minthara have pressed the edge of her sword against people's necks for simply thinking they get to pick you up without permission. Have threatened people's lives over some insensitive comments about your own kind and how halflings don't belong in the battefield.

You're brave, truly brave. It takes true strength to remain kind in the face of a harsh world, to remain soft inside. And Minthara knows that, for it is the one thing she couldn't amount to.

[ilovefootballwrs]

With Me Forever - Part |

A part of the So Long, London series.

Reader x Jessie Fleming

Based on a Norwegian song called "For Evig", by Chris Holstein.

"If that was all we got, was only a moment. Then it's with me forever. If it's the last night, and we'll never see each other again. Then it's with me forever."

..................

The news of Jessie's departure didn't shock me, I already knew about it long before the others. What shocked me was how far she was going, and everything went so fast. Soon she was going to be living almost a 10 hour flight from London, from me. I would never try to stop her, it wouldn't be fair, but at the same time the distance wouldn't be fair for either of us.

. . .

"It's so weird that it's Jessie's last day in London today. When is she leaving again?" Guro asked me. Guro was always like a big sister to me. We both play for Norway, and with her being a couple of years older than me, she basically watched me grow up and our bond grew into a sibling like friendship.

"Uhm...I think her flight leaves at midnight, so probably some time before that." I said with a sad smile on my lips.

"Listen, I know how hard this is for you. You know you can always come to me if there's anything wrong, right?" She asked with a look of concern on her face.

"So cliché." I laughed. "I know Guro, I will." I gave her a genuin smile. "I have to go now, I'm helping Jessie pack the rest of her stuff, bye!"

. . .

The feeling I'm feeling right now got to be the worst feeling on earth. Packing away her stuff for her to move away is the last thing I want to do. My heart clenches for every item I pack away.

I'm just placed the last of her items in the box when I hear footsteps behind me.

"It's much more emptier now." Jessie said as she went to sit on the bed.

I looked up at her. "Well, I guess you were the one that owned most of the stuff in here.

I stood up and went to sit beside her, putting head on her shoulder and interlocked our hands.

"I'm sorry for leaving" I could her the sadness in her voice. I took my head of her shoulder to look at her. Her cheeks were slightly more red than usual and she had tears in her eyes.

"Please don't cry, Jess." I put my hand on her cheek and continued to talk. "I don't blame you for leaving, I will never ever blame you. This is just something you have to do." I tried reassuring her.

"I'm still sorry. I don't know what I'm gonna do without you." The tears fell down her face and I could feel my eyes starting to tear up.

"I don't know either." I whispered. "I never wanted to lose you."

"You don't have to you know. You don't have to lose me." She said.

"Jess-" I started before getting interrupted by her.

"Y/N we, us, don't need to be over just because I'm leaving. Obviously I would never ask you to leave Chelsea for me, but we could do long distance." She said with a pleading look. "Please Y/N- don't let this be the end of us."

"I really wish it was that simple Jess, I really do, but I don't think I could do it. My heart couldn't take it Jess." At this point I was sobbing, not giving a care in the world. "I'm really sorry Jess, I really am."

. . .

We ended up spending the last couple of hours in each others arms before Niamh came to pick Jessie up. We both figured it was easier for the both of us if it was Niamh driving Jessie to the airport.

Niamh was sat in her car to give us space to say our goodbye. We hug before Jessie pulls away. "I'll always love you Y/N. No matter what happens, you will always be the love of my life."

She pulls me back in to give me a kiss. "Our memories will be with me forever, Jessie. As will my love for you." I tell her before she has to go.

I watch her get in the car and give her a wave and a smile when she's inside it. She returns the wave with a sad smile.

. . .

It's been two weeks since Jessie left. The two most horrible week. My whole routine has changed now that Jessie is gone. I don't wake up the smell of fresh coffee and a kiss anymore. I don't get to steal my favorite hoodie of hers anymore. I don't get the "I love you"s from her anymore. And there is no one to hold me in the nights anymore.

When vacuuming the bedroom, which Jessie usually used to do, I stumble across a box under the bed. It must've been Jessies. I pick it up and put it on the bed, while I also go to sit on the bed. I don't know what to do. Should I open it? Maybe she wouldn't want me to do that? Was that the reason for why it was under the bed? Because she didn't want me to find it? I thought about it for a while before thinking "What the hell." and opening it. The box was full of pictures. I recognized some of the pictures from being from our dates together, but most of them was just of me. It was literally just of me doing the most domestic things ever, like cooking or cleaning. I look through the pictures for a while before seeing a smaller box inside the box. I can feel my hands shaking as I go to pick up the box. I open the box and see the most gorgeous ring I've ever seen. I take it out of the box and try it on. It fits perfectly.

I immediately pick up the phone.

"In how long can you come over?" I ask.

………………….

A/N: The other parts of this series are going to be longer, this was just a start of it.

[delusionalme8]

hey, i have been a fan yours since your Instagram and old tumblr days, so just wanted to pop in ask you how you've been doing? also asking for your hinny fic recs!

Hey, that's actually so cool!

It's been about three years since I stopped using that account. Unfortunately I had to study a lot to get into University and my free time has been greatly reduced. But all in all I'm fine now, thanks for asking. I hope you are too!

There are so many fics that I love that it's impossible to remember them all, so I'll try to fit some in here!

Consider that I like really everything from these authors, so I recommend you read their other fics in addition to the ones I suggest. It's totally worth it!

-Brumous by @seriouslysam8 and its prequels (my personal favourite is Backstabber). As far as I'm concerned, it's one of the best fics I've ever read and she's an amazing writer. She's on a break from Brumous at the moment, but is releasing Selcouth which is just as good in my opinion!

-7 Scandals and a Baby by @ginnyw-potter ! It's a story set during the Regency and has an incredible atmosphere around it! She's an incredible writer and has an insane creativity too. Think of any trope and 99% of the time she's already written about it lmao (if she hasn't already, she almost certainly will). Also, her Harry and Ginny are soo good. (Not a Done Deal is one of my favourites too!)

-These Cuts I Have by Melindaleo and its sequels. It's a trilogy set in the post-war period and it's a wonderful read. I just reread it for the third time and I love the way it deals with Harry's horrible childhood and the relationship he develops with the Weasleys! Read it!

-The Path From You by @takeariskao3 too! I feel stupid for only now discovering her work, but I'm spending my afternoons catching up on it all lol. It's a story full of angst and great tension building before Hinny arrives. But I love a good slow burn, I have to admit, and she wrote it so damn good! I really recommend reading it!

-An Hour of Wolves by @solvskrift ! This one is quite heavy and angsty because it deals with a particularly sensitive subject, but I think it's absolutely worth it. The worst thing is that it's about something that could have easily happened in the canon and it's horrible to think about. I love the way it is written and deals with such sensitive topics, as well as the wonderful characterization of the characters. It is a work in progress, but it is definitely worth reading because it is incredible!

These are just a few fics and I don't know how many more I'm missing, but feel free to recommend me some too!

[the-guilty-writer]

The Faces of Emily Prentiss

Request from anon: Could I request Emily Prentiss & teen!daughter? Maybe Emily doesn’t notice how her daughter pulls back and keeps to herself more and more because she struggles with her mom being gone so much recently and school being a lot for her (procrastination, problems concentrating when worrying about her mom, …). You can do with this whatever you like Gill, I’m just excited to read more of yours 🥰

Emily Prentiss x daughter!reader (can be read as teen!reader)

Summary: reader’s grades have been slipping and it brings up many feelings between them and Emily.

A/N: Okay, wow, I did not expect for this fic to come out this long. Maybe I should write more mom!Emily because apparently it’s inspiring. Kinda angsty with a fluffy-ish ending. There were no places to put in pronouns, so even though it’s daughter!reader it can be read as teen!reader.

CW: brief mention of psych evaluation, Emily is an absent mother, one mention that Emily wears weapons, nickname for reader is “kiddo” (if you think you know why let me know and I’ll give you a pat on the back for the right answer), reader has hair but length is not specified.

---

Manila, in your opinion, was the worst color. Not because of the color itself, but because of the things adorned with it - walls poorly painted by landlords, rags that should have been thrown out years ago, the hair of the snooty girls at school, the tug-of-war rope used in gym class that always burned your hands.

Folders.

If you could have tossed the one your teacher gave to you into the trash, you probably would have. I might as well, you thought to yourself. The thing was destined to get lost in the pile of similar ones on your mother’s desk. Would you rather go to a landfill, or sit with a bunch of cases on serial killers?

The folder, expectantly, didn’t respond. If it did, you would have been worried for your sanity. Then the next folder that landed on Emily Prentiss’s desk would have been a concerning psychiatric evaluation instead of your report card. At least with the evaluation she might have to pay a little more attention to you.

The door to your mother’s home office was always open. She locked you away from too many parts of her already - and even though she was well aware that some of the information in that room was supposed to stay classified - the idea of locking you out of a room that was in your own home, was too physical for her to bear. Not that she would ever tell you.

You knocked on the wood softly, though you didn’t know why. She wasn’t home. She was never home anymore; knocking was just a polite habit. You put your hand to the knob and swung open the door, then found yourself disappointed when she wasn’t asleep at her desk. Knocking wasn’t a polite habit; it was a hope that, for once, she would be there to answer. A hope that was far out of reach.

You put the report card folder on top of the stack, becoming just another document that had to be marked with the initials E.P. before it could be filed away.

In a house this big, the quiet should have been eerie, but it wasn’t. The quiet was normal. You sat down at the kitchen table and pulled out your phone, opening to your messages with your mom.

Badass Maman:

Hey, kiddo. Leaving for an emergency case. Be back soon. (Received 2 days ago)

You:

Okay. I love you. (Delivered 2 days ago)

Yep. Normal.

It was still that way an hour later when you did your homework, and when the nanny came to check on you. It was that way when you went to bed that night and woke up the next morning. Everything about it was normal.

You wished it wasn’t.

---

Phones weren’t allowed in classrooms, but they were allowed in the hallways. A familiar ding went off as you walked with your friend to second period math. Your friend pulled their phone from their pocket and frowned.

“Did something happen?” you asked.

They shook their head. “No notification.”

You pulled your phone out, and the world stopped entirely when you saw it was a message from your mom.

Badass Maman:

Flying home now. I’ll be back when you get home from school. I love you. (Received Now)

Relief flooded over you.

“Did something happen?” your friend asked.

“My mom is on her way home.” For the first time in days, you felt air could fill the entirety of your lungs. The million-mile-an-hour heart that was beating in your chest slowed to a regular pace. The tension in your too-tight shoulders loosened.

You:

Okay. I love you too. (Read Now)

---

You had all but forgotten about the manila folder holding your report card. It hadn’t crossed your mind since you placed it on your mother’s desk. You hadn’t bothered to look inside when you received it, too focused on the cursed cover to think about the letters inside.

When you unlocked the front door and stepped inside, you called out immediately for her. “Mom! I’m home!” but there was no answer. “Mom?”

It wasn’t unusual for her to fall asleep on the couch, waiting for you to get home from school after being sleep deprived for days. Still, the living room couch was void of any life. You turned to the kitchen, but found nobody there. So you made the walk to the only other place your mother might go in the house after a case: her office.

The door was half-way open, but still, you knocked. A polite habit.

She turned from her seat at her desk, took in the sight of you, and smiled. Within seconds you were wrapped in her arms. Your head landed on her shoulder, while she ran a gentle hand through your hair.

“God, I missed you, kiddo,” she said. The exhaustion in her voice contradicted the strength of her embrace.

“I missed you too, mom,” you whispered. She held you for a little longer than normal, and when she did let go, you couldn’t help but profile her a little.

There were three different faces Emily Prentiss wore:

The Agent Face: a raven-haired, modern fem fatale that runs off enough coffee to kill a small horse, she walks through bloody crime scenes unfazed. She’s a no-nonsense attitude dressed in heeled boots and a glock. With intelligence sharper than a blade and a smart-mouth to match, it’s only fitting that she works for one of the most elite units of the FBI.

The Emily Face: always classy with a little bit of fun sprinkled in. She’s got a wicked sense of humor, a brilliant laugh, and a bright smile to match. The kind of friend who is down for a night on the town or a quiet movie night. This, you know, is the face she wears outside of work, around her friends; you can only imagine what this face looked like before the agency, and before you.

The Mom Face: the one you see the most. It’s the face that can’t cook to save her life, though she tries very hard. The one that celebrates your ups and supports you in your downs. She’s started to find a few more gray hairs as you've grown older, but that’s to be expected from a strong woman raising a child alone. The only one of the faces that’s unsure about if she’s good enough; everything in you wants to tell her she is.

The face she wore right now, seemed to be a combination of all three. She hadn’t been home long enough to have changed from her work attire into a normal tee shirt and jeans. You could see the traces of mascara on her shoulder where either Penelope or JJ had needed a friend’s shoulder to cry on. The unsteadiness that crossed her expression only ever appeared when it came to parenting… when it came to you.

“There were kids, weren’t there?” you said. And though her past was full of secrets, she didn’t bother keeping this one in.

“There were,” she sighed. Once again, she brought her hand to your hair, as if she were trying to sooth herself with the texture of it while making sure that you were real. “But it’s over now.”

You didn’t know if that meant the case ended good or bad, and you were thankful that you weren’t a good enough profiler (yet) to read the answer in her expression. “I’m gonna finish up some work and then we can catch up, okay?”

You nodded. “Yeah. I’ll go do my homework.”

She pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead and you gave her a tight-lipped smile before she moved back to her desk and you moved towards the door.

“Open or closed?” you asked her, standing in the threshold.

“You can leave it open,” she replied.

It was her answer every time, but you still always asked. A polite habit.

---

Two hours later, you were still struggling through your math homework at the kitchen table and your mom was still in her office. Knuckles tightened around your pencil before you let it go with an exasperated sigh and crumbled up the loose leaf paper you were working on. You sifted through your notes, trying to find the formula, but you had either written it down incorrectly or not at all.

You pulled the textbook from your bag only to find that you’d forgotten to write down what section the class was studying. With your brain feeling fried inside your head, it made skimming through the chapter more difficult, and by the time you’d gotten to the end, you were no closer to figuring out the answer than when you started.

Fueled by frustration, a trail of French expletives left your mouth.

“Well, I’m glad you’re at least keeping up with your language studies.” You looked up to see your mom standing on the threshold of the kitchen.

Even in duck-print pajama pants, she still looked intimidating, leaning on one hip with her arms crossed over her chest. As soon as you noticed her stance, she began walking towards you, uncrossing her arms. In one of her hands was a dreaded manila folder. With the ease that only a master interrogator could have, she sat down at the table and pushed the folder towards you, opening it so you could see the grades inside.

You were sure the many files on her desk showed far more hellish images than your grades, but it even caught you off-guard to see that you were failing or close to failing every class. It dawned on you suddenly that your grades had been slipping, but you didn’t imagine that they had gone down so fast.

“I-” you started, but the shock was flooding you. Emily took the folder and closed it, pulling it out of your line of sight and snapping you back to reality. Your genuine reaction must have been enough to tell her that you were as unaware of the situation as she was.

“Kiddo,” she sighed. “What happened?”

Her voice and features softened - The Concerned Mother Face. It wasn’t one that appeared a lot… just when big things happened, like moving to a new country or faking both your deaths. That kind of stuff.

You shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know. This year has been…” With a shaky breath everything rose to the surface. “It’s hard to do things when I’m never sure if you’re dead or alive.”

A new face of Emily Prentiss formed in front of your tear-filled eyes. This one was vastly different from the others. It was exhausted from sleepless nights in random police stations across the country, when all she wanted was to be home; it was pain-filled from every wound she wore on her body that she insisted she didn’t need help cleaning; and it was that of a mother who had just brought home a newborn, with no clue as to how she was supposed to raise an innocent being into a human.

She said no words, only embraced you. After the familiar comfort of her arms calmed you, you went to pull away. She didn’t let you go. A spot on your shoulder had become wet with her tears. You held her tighter, and when a sob racked through her weary body, you hummed the tune of the ballad she used to sing you as a little girl.

Only when she began to sing the words of the song, you knew it would be okay. Only then, you could be sure that Emily Prentiss - the smartest, strongest, bravest person you had ever known - wouldn’t fall apart if you let go.

In French just as smooth as her English, she began to whisper the rhyme. A dozen times you had wondered why that was the primary tongue she chose to raise you with. You were passable in Spanish and Arabic, but it was the language of love that your mother had wanted you to speak fluently.

That reason was good enough.

The song came to an end and she pulled away to look at you, caressing your cheek with a gentle hand. “I’m sorry,” she said.

You shook your head. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about, mom. You save people.”

Emily sighed. “But I can do better letting you know that I’m safe. I can at least find time to make sure to answer your texts.” You looked down, feeling the slightest bit guilty. But your mom wasn’t a profiler for nothing. “Don’t you do that,” she said sternly - The Agent Face.

“But-”

“No buts. It’s you and me. It’s always been you and me.” A sneaky smile escaped from her lips. “Plus I promised myself I wouldn’t be like your grandmother and put my job in front of my children.”

That had the both of you giggling - The Emily Face.

She pulled you back into her arms, stroking a gentle hand through your hair. “I love you, kiddo.” - The Mother Face.

“I love you too, mom.”

[explosionshark]

For the 3 words + character/pairing ask:

Blood

Past

Bronze

For one Faith Lehane :D

oh my god, i missed you, bud! thanks for the prompt. i apologize in advance for making this one SUCH a bummer.

set during s07e19 - "Empty Places" (if this piece has a theme song it's "Bloodied Up" by Alkaline Trio)

-

“Hey, what about the vineyard?”

Faith knows she shouldn’t have said it, knows that even before she’s finished speaking, not that it makes any difference. Not that knowing she’s fucking things up worse has ever exactly stopped Faith from taking a situation from bad to fucking irretrievable before, especially where Buffy’s concerned but, fuck, she’d been trying to be better.

It’s just that Buffy has always been able to get under her skin the way no one else could, especially when she’s doing this. That self righteous, condescending scolding thing she does, like Faith’s the biggest loser on the planet, like the worst thing about Buffy’s life isn’t the looming apocalypse or the monsters trying to kill the herd of teen girls they’d amassed, but trying to talk to Faith. 

Buffy stops and turns to face her again. “What?” her voice is quiet, cold. There’s an edge to it, sharp, familiar — a warning. 

But Faith’s in this deep already. And maybe she’s a dumbass for trying to talk about this when Buffy’s already pissed, but, fuck, Faith thinks she’s right this time. For once, out of the two of them, it’s Buffy who’s blowing it, at least as far as the potentials are concerned. Buffy’s always been the one with friends, a boyfriend, a family that talks to her — she’s the one that knows how to be with people, to make them love her.

So why is it that now she’s icing these girls out, when they need her, need someone to make them feel like the fight they’re in is worth it? Why is Faith the one learning their names, taking them out, listening to their worries and wishes and idle chatter while Buffy withdraws and shuts them down and pushes everyone away?

So, yeah. Fuck it. Faith’s going to do this. It’d probably be better for them both if she just kept her trap shut, but she’s learned a thing or two about tough love in the last few years. Maybe it’s time for her to dish it out herself.

“How safe were they when you dragged them off to meet Caleb?” Faith pushes. Something in Buffy’s expression shutters, face going blank in a way that opens a sinkhole in Faith’s gut. But she doesn’t stop. “How safe was Rona, or Amanda, or Molly?”

Faith knows that Buffy’s going to hit her. She can tell when Buffy takes her first step closer, is dead certain by the second step. It’s a telegraphed hit, too — big windup, so B can put her shoulder into it. Faith sees it and she doesn’t move. A feeling flashes through her, quick and electric like lightning — it’s sick dread, it’s guilt, it’s anger and it’s something else, something familiar in the worst way.

Maybe it’s the Slayer, maybe it’s something wrong deep inside Faith in particular, but she sees Buffy’s rage crack the cold facade she’s thrown up between them and she welcomes it. She sees what’s coming and she lets it happen. She hopes that it will hurt.

And it does.

It’s the second time in as many days that Buffy’s hit her. The first time wasn’t so bad. Almost a lovetap — oh, it hurt like a son of a bitch, and it left her flush with humiliation. That’s what it was meant to do — put Faith in her place, especially in front of Buffy’s latest boy toy. The sucker-punch in the graveyard was straightforward enough. Faith didn’t take it to heart — she owed Buffy that one. More, actually.

But this feels different. Not only because Buffy hit her harder this time, not only because there’s no audience to show off for this time. No, this time it’s worse because it’s the first time Buffy’s ever hit her when Faith hasn’t deserved it.

Maybe for all the stuff in the past between them.

But Buffy didn’t hit her for any of that. Buffy hit her because Faith was calling her out, because she didn’t want to hear that she was being a hypocrite, maybe because she didn’t believe Faith had a right to tell her jack shit.

Mostly, because she wanted Faith to shut the fuck up.

Faith goes with it, one knee slamming to the asphalt hard before she manages to catch herself, both palms to the pavement. Her cheek is singing in pain, blood rushing through her ears so loud she almost can’t hear the swish of Buffy’s coat, the sound of her retreating footsteps.

She’s not sure if it’s better or worse that Buffy takes off so fast. Part of her wishes she could have seen Buffy’s face, to know if she was sorry. The rest of Faith is too scared to think she might not have been.

Slowly, she twists, kneeling and pressing her knuckles to the bruise she can already feel blooming under her skin. The skin is hot, her cheekbone aching and throbbing beneath her fingers as she moves to gently probe it, but there’s nothing broken. 

All that buzzing, self righteous anger has flooded out of her, replaced with that old, lonely cored out feeling that Faith knows all too well. She closes her eyes, lets the blood from her re-opened split lip pool at her gum line, breathes in the scent of garbage and spilled drinks from the Bronze alleyway and fuck, she could be fifteen years ago — that filthy apartment, the sting in her cheek from a slap she’d earned from her ma because she couldn’t just shut the fuck up when she needed to.

Did this to your damn self, she thinks bitterly, gritting her teeth in rage and disgust at the feeling of tears welling up behind her eyes. 

She’s always doing this to herself.

Faith sniffs hard and shakes her head, biting down on the broken skin of her lip until the pain cuts through the sorry feeling swelling up in her chest. She blinks back those stupid, useless tears, pushes herself to standing.

Alone in the alley, Faith pauses. She wonders for a moment if she’s welcome back at Buffy’s house, after this. Then it occurs to her that it doesn’t matter all that much how welcome shes is — there’s nowhere else for her to go. There’s no other slayers for Buffy to turn to. They’re stuck with each other.

Faith lets out a deep breath, brushing her fingers over her cheek one more time before she tilts her head to spit a mouthful of blood onto the pavement. Then she starts walking home.

[iovetecchou]

Pairings... Jouno Saigiku x Reader

Contains... hurt, no comfort. angst. toxic!jouno, lowkey yandere!jouno. cheating, getting caught, suggestive themes, strong language

GN Reader.

1,156 words.

Jouno was being… shifty. Coming home later in the evening, leaving earlier in the morning. You were becoming increasingly concerned with his strange behavior.

You were both snuggled up in bed, reading a book aloud so you and Jouno could enjoy it. But there was just one small problem. His phone was ringing off the hook all night. It was beginning to get on your nerves.

You finally reached over for his phone. Curiosity got the better of you. But before you could get so far, Jouno grasped your forearm and harshly, at that. Your eyes shot up to his face in an instant. That gut feeling washed over you.

“Ah, I do apologize, princess. Duty calls.”

That was all he said before he dropped your forearm. Climbing out of bed in the process. He swiftly slipped on his shirt, not bothering to button it up completely as he took his leave. You heard the apartment door swing open, and slam shut.

You didn’t want to assume the worst, but how could you not? He was less affectionate recently, shrugging you off every time you pulled him in for an embrace. Blowing you off when you planned out a whole date night. Not bothering to reciprocate your kisses. Your heart cracked each time.

You wanted so desperately to snap out of this nightmare. Facing the reality of the situation seemed far worse.

He didn’t come back home that night. But he left all his belongings here, and you knew he had work today. You figured bringing him his things would be best before you ran a few errands.

What could go wrong?

“Good morning Teruko! Is Sai here already?” You smiled down at the petite woman. Trying your best to conceal your anxiety. Teruko’s face went pale. “Y/n… what are you doing here?”

You were taken aback. Why was she so stunned by your appearance? Everyone knew you and Jouno were in a relationship. I mean, the Hunting Dogs would come over to your place for the holidays and special occasions. Celebrating alongside you and Jouno.

But the way she was looking at you… it was almost as if you were a stranger.

“I… came to drop off some things Sai left at home today. What’s the matter Teruko? You’re scaring me.” You blurted out. You could feel your heart beating out of your chest. She frowned at your words, averting her gaze before she spoke up once more.

“Y/n… Jouno told everyone that you two broke up. He said that two weeks ago. I’m sorry.”

As rapid as your heart was beating was as quick as it stopped. A lump formed in your throat. You couldn't wrap your head around what Teruko confessed to you.

“Y/n… he’s in his office… with another person… If I knew what was really going on, I would have beat his ass long ago.”

You could barely breathe. It felt like you had just been punched in the gut. This could not be fucking happening right now. After everything you’ve done for him?

You sacrificed so much for Jouno. He molded you into the perfect little partner. Tailored you to meet his needs, keeping you in the dark, and isolating you from your friends and family.

He claimed you only needed him. That he was the only person in the whole world that would ever love you.

You felt the tears welling up. You couldn’t think straight. You could hardly even function. You fumbled down the hall towards Jouno’s office. “Y/n wait- don’t do this to yourself-!”

Teruko shouted, following you in tow. But it was too late. You pushed the door open, and the sight in front of you left you speechless.

Jouno had another person pinned to his desk. They were both half undressed, kissing all over one another. The sound of the door swinging open startled both of them. They were quite literally caught in the act.

The stranger who was receiving all the love and affection from the man who was supposed to be yours abruptly stood up. They hurriedly fixed their clothes. Pushing past you and through the door without a word. Causing you to fumble slightly.

Jouno emitted a deep sigh. Shaking his head slightly as he began buttoning up his work uniform. “Teruko, give up some privacy.” He deadpanned, taking slow strides toward your frame. You were so heartbroken, your face losing any semblance of life as the tears freely rolled down your cheeks.

“Jouno, you fucking asshole. How could you?” Teruko spat out. She shot you a look of apology before she shut the door. The fear began to creep up on you.

Your blood ran cold, and your fingertips went numb. Jouno now stood in front of you. He craned his neck down, bringing his hand to cup your chin. Tilting your face up in his direction. The moment you scanned over his features, you couldn't control the sobs that wracked through your whole being.

He was smiling widely, no trace of love painted across his features. Jouno was enjoying your pained cries and irregular heartbeat. You could tell, and it hurt. So fucking bad.

“You sound so pathetic right now. What, don’t tell me you actually thought I… loved you?”

His voice was laced with amusement. How could this be happening right now? You had been with Jouno for years. Was it so wrong of you to assume that… he did love you? You felt so hopeless. All you could focus on was that wicked fucking smile.

“You really are a pathetic little thing. You were nothing more but an easy fuck to me. You see… I only kept you around for so long because I didn’t want anyone else to have you. It was so easy— no, you’re so easy. You fell right into my trap. I mean, how stupid are you?”

Your legs gave out. Jouno retracted his grasp on your chin as you fell to your knees. All light was lost from your eyes as you hiccuped through your body jerking sobs. Jouno let out the most maniacal laugh at your pathetic state.

“Ah, can you leave already? Your turbulent emotions are starting to give me a headache. I’ll be home around seven, so work dinner around that time. Are you even listening to me, mutt?”

He kneeled in front of you. Gripping your jaw harshly with his thumb and index finger. He was pressing so hard into your cheeks. You winced out through the pain. Causing Jouno’s smirk to grow wider.

“Oh, and princess… if you so much as think of leaving me… I will know, and I will kill you.”

His face fell entirely at the end of his sentence. Completely devoid of emotions. It struck fear in you. How was it possible that you truly knew nothing? Especially about the person you’ve spent the past few years with? Jouno was right. You really were stupid.

You reap what you sow.

“If I can't have you, no one can.”

yummy! i love pain! anyways... im sorry... i just had this cute lil idea. i had to share...

special tag: @win-writes

[drkmgs]

Unfair

Wednesday Addams x Reader

Warning: mention of two-timing, not loyal, hurt, sad, just painful, torture, beaten, starved, dehydrated, this took too much effort...

"You're being unfair, Wednesday. I have ignored what you have been doing behind my back. Your everyday meeting with Tyler and Xavier? Worst kissing Tyler, while you have a partner who is constantly worried about you, and when were you going to tell me about your engagement? huh?! When?!" You screamed at her, it almost broke your vocal cords. This was the first time you screamed at someone, specifically someone you love.

You couldn't help it. The last month being with Wednesday was torture for you and your heart. Everything came crashing to you this week, her random rendezvous with Tyler and Xavier you have known for a while but didn't confront her about it, and the engagement was just a day ago when your mother asked if you were going to attend.

"What do you want me to do, Y/N? Cancel the engagement? You know I can't do that. Tyler and Xavier were merely my subjects for the investigation. The kiss with Tyler? I didn't regret it, because it lead me to solve the mystery." Wednesday says with her logical tone.

You could hear your heart shatter at her comment. You couldn't believe what you were hearing. You gave her everything, but in return, that's all she had for you? She didn't even make an effort to cancel her engagement. Did she even love you?

"Tell me, Wednesday Addams. Did you ever love me?! All the sweet things you said to me, were they all lies? Did you just use me for your pleasure? Is that all I am to you? Cause if it is, then we should break whatever we have now and you go on with your engagement." You wiped your tears away and composed back to your confident self.

"As I told you I cannot easily break off the engagement. I need time." Wednesday argued back with ease. "How much time do you possibly need to call off an engagement? What reasons do you need to delay it? If you don't love them you won't make this hesitant decision! If you love me you would have chosen me already, but you don't! You keep procrastinating!" You fire back at her.

There was silence engulfing you both. This was the sign you were waiting for. She didn't love you as much as you love her. You sighed and turned your back to her, you gave her a glance over your shoulder.

"Then I may congratulate you on your engagement, Ms. Wednesday Addams. I wish, we never see each other again." Your tears completely stopped by now and you gave her a thin smile. You left her dorm quickly.

___

After that incident, you completely vanished from Nevermore Academy. Nobody knew where you were, and a lot of students speculated that you dropped out, because of what happened between you and Wednesday.

But that wasn't the case. You had some unfinished business back in your hometown that needed to be done before you graduate from Nevermore. You didn't drop out, Principal Weems put you on temporary leave for future purposes. When you came back, everyone was shocked at your drastic change. You didn't look like how you left. You had bruises, cuts, and healed wounds all over your body and face. It looks like you got ganged up on.

For Wednesday the bruises, cuts, and healed wounds didn't bother her, what bothered her the most is your eyes. They were soulless. They weren't like the ones before, full of life, full of sparkles, and galaxy colors. Now it's pitch black, like the color of a raven. Also, your smile was far gone. This made Wednesday's heart clench as if someone is squeezing the blood out of it.

"What happened to you?" That was her approach to you. "Hello to you too, Addams. or is it a different surname now?" You said, not looking at her. You kept your head low, hiding underneath your hoodie. "Still Addams. Answer my question." Wednesday is very determined to know. "None of your concern." You answered. You head to the office of Principal Weems, and Wednesday still follows you, which irritated you. "Look, Addams. I'm not going to tell you anything even if you follow me into the bathroom. So, stop following me and piss off." You snapped at her. She was about to say something when you turned around and walked off.

Soft knocks got the Principal out of her thoughts. "Come in" was the only thing you heard from the other side. "Oh, Y/N." She stood up as soon as she saw you enter the room. You ran up and hugged her. That's when you broke loose to any emotions you were holding. "It's okay. You did great holding on. You're safe." She soothes you by rubbing your back. Before you left, you did talk to Principal Weems about your family situation and when she lost contact with you, it was her mission to get you back safe and sound, but when she found you, you were already covered in scars and wounds.

Your family is one of the major shareholders of an assassins association, when you learned about this you didn't want to be in it. So, your family and you agreed, before you graduate from Nevermore, you'll have your first and last mission as an assassin in exchange to be set free. To hear that at a young age, it was a perfect deal but when you came to realize it was a way to get rid of you for disgracing the family name, you needed help, that's when you reached out to Principal Weems.

You were tortured, beaten, and nearly starved to death when police raided your family's mansion. They found you shackled on the wall, dehydrated, and lumped. Principal Weems saw the raid go down and couldn't believe how your own family could do this to a such wonderful child.

Now you're in her care and safe back in Nevermore. "I hear from a little bridie Ms. Addams called off an engagement." She whispered as she comforts you. "Is that little bridie as big as a person, has blonde hair with blue/pink highlights?" You snickered. "Hm. Maybe?" She moved out of your hug and looked at you. "Wednesday's mother called. She confirmed it." You looked at her confused, but then you smirked up at her. "Y/N. Don't get cocky. I am still your Principal and I was invited to the engagement party." She shrugged. "I wasn't going to say something, but okay. I don't think it's smart to get back with Wednesday." You say avoiding Principal Weems as she sits back on her swivel chair. "And why is that?" She asked eyeing you as you drift your eyes everywhere but hers. "because who would want a broken me?" You whispered but loud enough for someone to hear who just entered the room.

"Me. I want you. back." Wednesday answered standing behind you and glaring up at you. Principal Weems smiled at the sight. "Ms. Addams, would you show Mx. Y/N their new room? Mx. Y/N, I'll talk to you again after supper." Principal Weems shoo both of you out of her office. "Come with me." Wednesday leads you to your new room. She opened the door and let you in. You looked around to find all of your belongings there.

"Isn't this your Typewriter?" You stopped in front of an extra desk and chair with a black Typewriter. "Yes. I have used this room for writing my novel and it reminds me of you." Wednesday said as she stepped forward towards you. "I apologize. For everything. I wasn't considering your emotions and feelings in the past. When you stormed out of the room, I have come to realize how important you're to me. I searched for you the next day, but you were already gone." Wednesday came very close to you. "I have never considered torture as painful but when you left me that torture was unbearable." She continued. "Come back to me, amore mio." her eyes pleading. "I can't. Wednesday. I have been through hell these past months. I can't throw myself into a relationship right now. I'm broken." You say looking into her eyes.

"I'm willing to wait until you're ready, amore mio."