#as far as I know I don't fall under 'high support' needs

[varian-ross-horror-author]

"Disabled people should be allowed to be as independent as we can be" and "disabled people should not be pressured to be hyper-independent in order to not wind up in nursing homes against our will" are two thoughts that can, and should, exist at the same time.

[gyeomsweetgyeom]

[5:24 pm]

"Nice try, we don't believe you guys," your friend laughed sarcastically as they walked through your front door to catch sight of you and childhood best friend!Jeno pressed together looking like a loved up couple.

For some reason, over the nearly 20 years of friendship with Jeno, it had become some kind of ongoing bit for the two of you to act like a couple. Usually you had good reason, like someone being annoying and not leaving either of you alone, or someone hitting on either one of you but not getting the hint.

Other times, it was just to mess with your friends, your friends who were far too used to it and tired of it. At least 80% of the hang outs you all had would start with you and Jeno claiming you were a couple. The first few times they fell for it, but now it was just the normal. They weren't tired because it wasn't funny, it was kind of funny. Funny because the two of you were so clearly in love with each other yet refuse to act on it.

Jeno never protected anyone the way he protected you. You didn't care for anyone the way you cared for Jeno. You both had so many inside jokes that the others would never understand. You both could have conversations with just your eyes, you both knew things about the other that no normal friends would know about each other. You were both each other's first call when something went wrong, the first text in the morning, and your last text at night (if you didn't fall asleep while on a call). You both refused to get into relationships with other people, because somethings always felt "wrong."

Yeah, your friends had all decided that you were both idiots and the "wrong-ness" was always just that the potential partner wasn't you or Jeno. However, tonight you and Jeno had decided to commit. Your friends were going to believe it if it was the last thing they did.

"We're actually like really together this time, today is officially one week and 3 days," you tell your friends as you all settle down on the couch to start your movie marathon.

"We've fallen for that too many times now. Just give it up," your friend waves off.

"Yeah, start the movie," another friend sighs.

Jeno gulps, standing suddenly, "I think we would really just appreciate the support of our friends as we navigate our new relationship."

"Look guys, it's the same routine every time. You guys claim to be together and the only difference is that you take your usual affection to another level of annoying. If you were ever actually together, you wouldn't feel the need to announce it every few weeks or still be on dating apps. I mean, Jeno, didn't you ask me just a few days ago why you were still getting Hinge emails?" Your first friend asks, crossing their arms.

"Plus, I think you guys would be that annoying couple that would be shameless and kiss in front of us all the time," another friend pipes up.

Jeno's face falls into a serious look, he grabs your hand and tugs you up. Your chest crashes into his own as your eyes widen in surprise. The plan had simply been to cuddle, giggle, and maybe sit in his lap.

Your friends all paused, eyes full of caution as they watched the two of you. Jeno's breathing was uneven and nervous as his eyes searched your own.

You blinked and his forehead was pressed against your own and as you gasped in surprise his lips met your own. He was still for just a moment, giving you the opportunity to pull away, to smack him, to tell him he was crazy, but you didn't.

Instead, your breath hitched as you kissed him back. His lips were soft and his hands even softer as he delicately cupped your face. Your lips moved in sync, slow, tentative, but meaningful. You could feel your heart pounding in your ears, his heart was beating just as fast under your hand.

Your friends all eyed each other awkwardly. This had never happened before. It was only when your hand moved from Jeno's chest to gripping the cotton at his waist to pull him closer that they all got the message and left while high fiving each other on the way out.

You and Jeno were far too entangled in one another to even care. One of hands went from your face to your waist and the other went to the back of your neck. His gently tilted your head up to kiss you more deeply.

Everything was slow and passionate, but it felt right. There were explosions happening all around you, remnant sparks from Jeno's lips that shot right down your spine. Why had you waited so long to do this? Why had you deprived yourself of this feelings for all these years? You couldn't even fight how your body melted against his as your grip on his shirt became desperate and your lungs burned for air. You couldn't find it in yourself to pull away, too greedy for more, more, more.

Jeno pulled away first, lips swollen and chest heaving as he caught his breath. His forehead was pressed against your own, "I don't think we can be friends anymore."

A choked squeak escaped your throat involuntarily, "I'm sorry?"

"No, don't be sorry. I could have said that better," Jeno chuckles, his hands softly cupping your face to keep you from looking away. "I can't be just friends with you when I don't have friendly feelings for you. I can't believe it took this long, it's always been something in the back of my mind, but I think I love you-- no. I know I love you."

"After that kiss, I don't have friendly feelings for you either. I guess when I think about it, there's no one else that will get me like you. No one will ever know me better than you or understand me like you do. I love you too, Jeno. And I really, really want to keep kissing you," You confess breathlessly.

"I don't think they'd like it if we keep kissing, unfortunately," Jeno sighs, despite his words leaning in toward you again.

It's then that you notice how quiet your living room is. You pull away to look around the room, finally noticing that it's just you and Jeno in your apartment. "What the... when did everyone leave?" You wonder aloud.

"Who cares? Let's keep kissing," Jeno replies, tugging you closer. And who are you to argue?

[dancinglikebutterflywings]

Because... I love you | Kang Yeosang

-> Pairing: Kang Yeosang x Reader

-> Request: From Anon.

-> Synopsis: Yeosang makes it known that he doesn't approve of Y/N's date.

-> Warnings: None

-> Word Count: 676

-> Requests: Closed for now

Yeosang Masterlist | Tag List Sign-Up | Requesting Guidelines

©️ 2024 dancinglikebutterflywings - do not copy, modify and/or repost anywhere.

Yeosang's disapproving glances and scoffs don't go unnoticed by Y/N as she prepares for her date. 

A week ago, she’d been to a wedding where the groom, a friend of hers from high school, introduced her to a friend he works with. They hit it off instantly, and two days ago he mustered up the courage to ask her out on a date. 

Initially, Y/N had her doubts. She didn't see him as anything more than a friend. However, after discussing it with her best friend, Yeosang, she decided to take his advice and give the date a chance. But she couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed when Yeosang told her to go for it. 

Deep down, Y/N hoped that another man showing interest in her would finally push her shy and introverted friend to make a move. It's no secret that there are romantic feelings between them. It's evident to both of them and everyone around them. 

But despite the undeniable chemistry and the countless moments of stolen glances and lingering touches, Yeosang never gave into it. He seemed content with just being her best friend, and her constant source of support. 

Y/N couldn't help but wonder why. Was it fear of rejection? Or perhaps he was waiting for the ‘right’ moment to ‘confess’ his feelings? Whatever the reason, it frustrated her to no end. She would have made the move herself a long time ago but it’s Yeosang, the last thing she wanted to do was make him feel overwhelmed. 

And now, as she prepares for her date with this new guy, she feels defeated but slightly hopeful. This time he’s acting different. He’s still not stopping her but he’s making his disdain noticeable. The scoffs, the glares, the mumbling under his breath, and the occasional look of confliction. He’s usually good at hiding it all. Y/N can't ignore the pang of guilt that tugs at her heart as she watches Yeosang struggle with his emotions. 

“Tell me not to go on this date and I’ll cancel right now,” you say, causing him look at you with wide eyes. 

"Don't go," he tells her, his voice quiet. When he looks at her, his eyes are pleading, "Don't go on that date." 

“Why?” she asks, her heart aching at the vulnerability in his voice. But she needs to hear him say it. She needs to hear him say that she should be going on a date with him instead. 

“You know why,” he lightly scoffs, knowing what she’s trying to do. 

“Just tell me why,” she encourages him, but the frustration is still there. 

"Because... I love you!" he exclaims, his words almost bursting out of him. "I will love you more than he ever could, more than any other man ever could."  

Her eyes widen in astonishment, caught off guard by his words. She wasn’t expecting him too outright confess his love for her.  

"Stay with me tonight, please," he continues, his words flowing out uncontrollably, unlike his usual composed self. "We can order dinner or go somewhere special. We could watch movies or take a stroll in the park. Just don't go out with him. I don't think I can bear the thought of you falling for him." "How can I fall for someone else when I'm already in love with my best friend?" she beams, her heart soaring. This moment, she’s been waiting for it for far too long. 

"Can I kiss you?" he asks, his hand gently reaching for her face. 

She nods, her eyes fill with anticipation as he leans in closer.  

Their lips meet and the world around them slowly fades away. The kiss is filled with a mixture of longing, passion, and a promise that it is now the two of them together against the world.  

Pull away, Yeosang rests his forehead on hers. “So, what do you want to do? Go out? Stay in? Tonight, we’ll do whatever you want.” 

Wanting it to just be the two of them, she replies, “I want to stay in.” 

YEOSANG TAG LIST:

@staytiny2000 - @kpopmenace143 - @treehouse-mouse - @alexxavicry - @rainydayteacups

@green-agent - @tinyelfperson – @hollxe1 – @laylasbunbunny - @deltamoon666

@skz1-4-3 - @pinkies-things - @everythingboutkpop - @oddracha @http-gyu -

@skittyneos -

[bookished]

( a collection of starters. adjust phrasing as necessary.) feel free to make edits to better suit your muse, but please don’t edit or add on to the original post 💛 if you like, please consider supporting me through tips

The old, leather-bound journal was found hidden under the floorboards of the abandoned mansion. Its pages contained cryptic messages and a map that seemed to lead to something of great value—or danger.

In a world where the stars can be plucked from the sky and turned into powerful talismans, a young orphan discovers a constellation that has never been seen before. It points to a destiny that could change the fate of the entire realm.

During the height of the Renaissance, a young artist discovers a hidden chamber in the heart of Florence. Inside, she finds sketches of inventions far beyond her time and a letter addressed to her, written centuries ago.

Two strangers meet on a delayed train during a snowstorm on Christmas Eve. As they share stories to pass the time, they realize they have more in common than they ever imagined—and that fate might have brought them together for a reason.

In a small, isolated village, people start to vanish without a trace. The only clue left behind is a symbol carved into the doors of their homes, a mark that matches ancient legends of a vengeful spirit.

In a future where emotions are controlled by the government, a young woman discovers an underground movement that aims to restore true feelings to humanity. She must decide whether to join them or stay in the safety of her regulated life.

Every night, a small café in the city transforms into a magical place where time stands still and dreams come to life. Only a select few know about its existence, and one day, an ordinary person stumbles upon it by accident.

A high school student finds an old camera at a garage sale. When they develop the photos, they see glimpses of the future. Now, they must navigate high school life while trying to change events they know are coming.

"I don't believe in coincidences, especially not ones involving missing people."

"You mean to tell me you've never seen a dragon before? Where have you been living, under a rock?"

"The prophecy spoke of a hero, but I never imagined it would be someone like you."

"This isn't just a piece of space debris; it's a message."

"Our planet was destroyed. We're the last survivors, and we need your help."

"Do you really believe the king will pardon us if we find the lost treasure?"

"She's a woman in a man's world, but she'll change history, mark my words."

"I didn't come here to fall in love; I came to find myself."

"Every letter I wrote to you, I wrote with my heart in my hand."

"That house has been abandoned for years. Why would anyone go inside willingly?"

"The shadows in this place…they move when you're not looking."

"There's a map, but it's missing the most crucial part—the key to decoding it."

"I've been to the highest mountain and the deepest sea, but I've never seen anything like this."

"Freedom is an illusion they sold us to keep us compliant."

"We've been living in a lie. It's time we uncover the truth."

"Every night at midnight, the old clock shop comes alive. Haven't you ever noticed?"

"They say the forest spirits grant wishes, but only to those who ask with pure intentions."

"I found this old diary in the attic, and it’s like it’s talking directly to me."

[nataliescatorccioapologist]

Who would each Yellowjackets character be in The L Word Universe?

Nat - Shane

We all saw this one coming. Nat would definitely be the ambiguously gendered noncommittal heartbreaker of The L Word sphere. Like Shane, she is kind and looks out for those she cares about but her troubled childhood has made her put her guard up. Shane and Nat both push people away because they don’t believe they are worthy of love and have never had a healthy example of a relationship so they hop from girl to girl before things can get serious. Not to mention the bounty of self-destructive tendencies these girlies both have. And with Nat’s cool mullet she would definitely kill it as a hair stylist.

Taissa - Bette

Bette and Taissa are both the powersuit-rocking politicians of our dreams (with matching crumbling marriages.) Tai is known for taking her ambitions a bit too far, and, like Bette, her work consumes her personal life until it falls apart. Neither of these girlies know when to stop, even if it alienates them from the ones they love.

Lottie - Marina

I think Lottie would definitely be the mysterious sexy bar owner that speaks mainly in poetry snd gives supposed straight girls sexuality crises (all while having a secret wife). Like Marina, Lottie has an aura of ethereal mystery around her and can be a little off-putting in how calm and collected she is even in situations that call for a little more freaking the fuck out. Lottie would definitely find some straight girl deeply in denial and send her into a sexuality crisis spiral while acting completely innocent about it.

Shauna - Jenny

Okay don’t be mad at me, it’s at least a little true. Shauna and Jenny are both a little too obsessive, impulsive, and emotional (and they’re both deeply struggling with compulsory heterosexuality). At any given moment you will find them in a corner furiously journaling their dark feelings instead of communicating them. Shauna would definitely be the one to go a little crazy after falling in love with a woman for the first time. And both Jenny and Shauna have their emotional support himbos that they use to deny their homosexuality: Tim and Jeff.

Jackie - Dana

Jackie would definitely be the closeted sports lesbian that is terrified of the public (and mostly her rich, uptight parents) finding out about her queerness. Like Dana, Jackie is under a lot of pressure to be "perfect" and comes from a wealthy, preppy background with rich parents who have high expectations. I also definitely think Jackie would be a tennis girlie. Jackie and Dana are the baby gays who are constantly checking out women but don't know how to express their queerness yet. And they both have a complicated homoerotic relationships with their best friend (Dana/Alice and Jackie/Shauna). Jackie and Dana are both very supportive and fun-loving, they just need to get out of the closet.

Van - Finley

Butch kings! Van and Finley are both little goofsters that fill my heart with joy. In The L Word universe, Van would definitely be the that friend that is there to make all of the gays smile but is hiding a lot of pain and trauma behind a comedic mask. Van and Finley have a serious problem with joking instead of confronting serious feelings but we still love them.

Misty - That girl that's obsessed with Shane in the Pilot episode

Okay so I don't think Misty really fits anyone in The L Word so I'm giving her Lacey, that girl that is concerningly obsessed with Shane (Nat) in the first episode. This girl hooks up with Shane once and then she's tracking her down at parties and finding all of her hangout spots to harass her and get her attention. And I think in an L Word AU, Misty would definitely hook up with Nat, Nat would ghost her, and Misty would go insane like that.

*Anyways should I write a Yellowjackets The L Word AU fic? Because honestly I've been thinking about it a little bit too much.*

[whatwooshkai]

LONG ASS EXCERPT UNDER THE CUT

okay so I wrote this because I couldn't stop thinking about the "what-if's" of the first chapter of look after you, so I wrote it out. I don't think it's enough for ao3, and I don't want it to turn into more than it already is, so uh here. enjoy

“Megatron,” Optimus says again, pleading. 

Megatron finds he’s reaching for Optimus before he even rationalizes his decision. 

Electricity passes between the tips of their digits, and a flood of emotions pulses through the Prime’s field so strong it forces Megatron to take another step back as he gently slips their servos together. And then the world falls out from under him. 

“NO!” Optimus shouts, so raw and visceral that traces of static burst from his voice box. He scrambles forward and drops his chassis against the edge of the cliff, scrabbling for Megatron’s servo. His digits drag up Megatron’s forearm as they grasp at each other, leaving deep grooves and traces of his paint. 

Megatron knows deep in his spark it won’t be enough- that he’ll slip from Optimus’ servos and go flying down to the ground. He’s weakened already, and they’re high enough up… the fall may kill him. 

Megatron doesn’t know if he’s at peace with that reality yet. 

It occurs to him, suddenly, that there isn’t wind whistling through his audials or the chinks in his armor. He isn’t moving at all. 

Megatron chances a glance upwards, and meets Optimus’ wide blue optics. Coolant pools at the edges of them, and a drop splashes onto Megatron’s nose, but he doesn’t dare move. “I’ve got you,” Optimus promises, the grip on his forearm tightening. “I’ve got you, Megatron. I’ve got you.”

There has never been a sweeter, more perfect melody than Optimus’ voice in that moment. 

Slowly, carefully, Megatron manages to reach up and grasp Optimus’ forearm, giving the Prime the leeway he needs to adjust his grip on Megatron so it’s secure enough to pull up. Mindful not to be dead weight, no matter the way exhaustion threatens to drag his frame back down, Megatron braces his pedes against the rock, climbing to let Optimus better support his weight as he pulls him over the edge of the cliff and onto solid ground. 

No guns are pointed at him anymore. The Autobots are watching the two of them curiously, but the sight lasts barely a second before a scuffed red shoulder completely obscures his vision. 

Optimus Prime is hugging him, tight enough he can feel his plating squeal in the embrace. Optimus is warm, no, hot, he’s burning Megatron’s protoform from their million points of contact, his vents brush scalding air against his faceplate, his digits threaten to melt the backplates they’re clutching like a lifeline. 

Megatron doesn’t move, especially not to hug back. But he melts, just a little bit, letting Optimus support his exhausted frame. 

There’s a soft shrrk, and Megatron feels Optimus’ battlemask open against his helmet. 

He doesn’t think he’s ever actually seen Optimus Prime’s face. 

“You’re not getting out of this that easy,” Optimus whispers against his audial teasingly, but there’s a rumble in his throat, a deep threat buried under the mirth. Megatron can’t help but shiver. 

After far too long and somehow still too soon, Optimus pulls away, dragging his servos down Megatron’s arms to clasp theirs together. Cold suddenly rushes Megatron’s frame, the warmth sucked from every inch of him Optimus’ frame touched. He isn’t able to suppress the involuntary shiver. 

“We’ll end this war for good,” Optimus promises. His battle mask is back in place. “I can’t trust you, Megatron. But I will not leave your side. We will end this war for good.”

Something foreign yet familiar swirls in Megatron’s tanks, and he finds himself nodding. 

One of Optimus’ servos trails up Megatron’s arm to where his digits left paint transfers raking down it. His touches are feather light. Megatron suppresses another shiver. 

Optimus trails higher, up and over his shoulder, until he’s cupping Megatron’s jaw in his servo. “Promise me,” Optimus says. 

“I promise,” Megatron says without thinking, his spark spinning far faster than should be normal. “We will end this war.”

And then Optimus smiles, the corners of his optics crinkling in a beautiful expression of pure joy. 

Megatron has to suppress the urge to drop his helm onto Optimus’ shoulder. But Primus, he’s just so fucking tired. 

Finally, reprieve, he thinks as Optimus clasps his servos again, the last thing he feels before his frame collapses with exhaustion. 

[punkeccentricenigma]

headcanons with the rise boys and a reader who is in med school! Graduated high school early and is training to be a doctor! Romantic or platonic, your pick

Rise!Boys with Reader who is in Med School

Relationship status: platonic

Reader prounouns: They/Them

TW: Mention of slicing the frog, Some grammatical errors because english is not my first language.

Author's note: Just so you know, I am not familiar with medicine at the college level, only what I had in high school biology, so I tried to write these headcanons as neutrally as possible. And all in all, even if I learn anything now, it is only in the field of physiotherapy because my friend is going to such studies this year, so sorry if it's not what you wanted, but still, enjoy!

Leonardo

◇I won't lie, I'm sure this guy admires you.

◇Not everyone gets a chance to get into such a school!

◇But knowing his personality, he'll probably tease you a lot, calling you a 'nerd.'

◇It usually doesn't cross the line, BUT if Leonardo goes too far with his teasing, especially when you're tired after classes, you often threaten to perform a dissection on him like a frog.

◇And when he arrogantly waved it off at first, you and Donnie pulled a prank on him with that theme.

◇Everything was recorded as he lay pinned to the table, and you stood over him with a scalpel.

◇Leo thinks you're very diligent, hardworking, and disciplined, which also means mentally exhausted.

◇Such a school demands a lot, so expect that during study sessions in your cozy home, that idiotic turtle will come and drag you to the hidden city to relax.

◇I'm sure he'll try to make you laugh often using elaborate medical jokes he found on the internet.

◇Sometimes he also feels a bit jealous. He has some basic knowledge when he has to patch himself or his brothers up, but deep down, he would also like to go to such a medical school to enhance his skills. But you see the whole situation.

◇But don't worry! In your free time, you'll give him a bit of education with the knowledge you've acquired so far.

◇Even if he tries to hide it, he's a bit overwhelmed by the vast amount of knowledge and skills you possess.

◇But despite that, he's proud of you for taking on the challenge and fulfilling your dreams! Or at least you're on the right path to doing so.

Raphael

◇The proudest big bro! You got into that school?? Amazing!

◇Your number one supporter!

◇Raphael truly appreciates your intelligence, hard work, and determination. He never imagined himself getting into a medical school, not only because of the whole situation but also because his knowledge absolutely doesn't go in the same direction as yours. But that his friend managed it? Nice!

◇He admires your selfless need to help other people. He's keeping his green fingers crossed for you to achieve that dream medical title!

◇I'm sure he suggested some ‘experiments’ on himself for you to practice a topic from lectures. In the end, you hit him on the head for such an absurd idea. You didn't intend to do that! That's Donatello's role! Besides, mixed human DNA with turtle DNA would probably mess with your mind more than help.

◇Although their biology sometimes interested you.

◇When he notices you're tired and stressed from all the medical material, he'll gladly take you to their living room, and under a warm blanket, you'll have a Lou Jitsu movie marathon (where you'll eventually fall asleep, lmao) or play a bandana takeover with his brothers, all tricks allowed for your amusement!

◇Hey, don't complain about his support. Many times, you've helped him when he was stressed about being the leader before Leo or after the Kraang invasion. That's all he can do!

◇Sometimes he was confused and a bit unhappy when you started explaining various medical terms or tools to him. Raph is simple; give him a lighter version of all that.

◇Sometimes he wasn't happy that you declined meetings because of studying or lectures. Hey! He also needs attention sometimes D:

Donatello

◇Donnie is really proud of you, even if he doesn't express it in words every day.

◇But as a reward for your hard work, he'll fine-tune the devices you use for practice or build something helpful.

◇He appreciates your genuine interest in understanding difficult concepts and your ability for critical thinking. You don't even know how much he needed someone like you in his life, looking at his family.

◇Despite your enthusiasm and intelligence, he thinks you might overly stress about grades and perfectionism, which in the long run can lead to stress and burnout. So, he often forces you to take a break in his lab, sipping mint-flavored coffee.

◇It's also his small revenge for taking him away from his work on new inventions when he hasn't slept for two days in a row, lmao.

◇But if it's not spending time with him, the guy will go through all your material at the moment to make cheat sheets with the most important information.

◇You pose an intellectual challenge for him and keep him on his toes, but he always enjoys discussing and exploring different perspectives on a topic with you, even though he leans more towards technological knowledge than biological.

◇However, despite his intelligence, Donnie in those moments can be a bit 'know-it-all' and doesn't always consider the opinions or feelings of other people, or even the actual facts.

Michelangelo

◇You won't convince me he wouldn't be initially confused; I mean, he's the least interested in medical topics.

◇But as soon as you start explaining, he'll immediately admit that he's impressed and that he's really proud of you!

◇He'll always mention how much he appreciates your determination to achieve your dreams!

◇Personally, I have a headcanon that Mikey wants to become one of the most recognizable artists, so he roughly knows how frustrating it is when something doesn't work out.

◇In a way, I think Mikey sees you as his role model, so feel proud to be compared to Lou Jitsu :D

◇Mikey sometimes worries a lot about your mental health after lectures. So, expect many long conversations about self-care.

◇Being the youngest of the brothers, he got a lot of attention, so he'll often be jealous of how much time you spend at school and with human friends rather than with him. He knows it's immature behavior, but he can't help it!

[ladylooch]

I'm still so behind on my reading - fall is far from over so I'm still very optimistic that I will soon be curling my toes while reading Mackdavid, Connor/Lucie, Lio & Sav and the list goes on. But while I was doing a bit of grocery shopping this morning, I kept thinking of David following Mack along the grocery aisles as she just sort of meanders along, and he's got his eyes fixed on her ass - maybe knowing the sexy set she's sporting under her clothes. Are they taking a detour on the way home?

Trust that all the AUs will be here when you are able to read 😘 Also I adore you and your support so much, MWAH!

As for your thought, enjoy a lil grocery store fun below!

Warning: Mature-ish Content below

Mack pushes the metal cart down the premade section of Hy-Vee's deli, scoping out their pre-packaged food. Her and David are supposed to be going to a cook out with his high school friends this afternoon. Mack was going to make something, but ran out of time trying to meet her writing deadline. David would usually step in to help, but the farm has required a lot of his attention so far this summer.

The wheels of the cart slowly press forward as she takes a step. The cool air of the refrigerator has goosebumps rising on her exposed legs. But then a big body comes behind her, two big hands rest next to hers on the cart handle, then comes the familiar press of lips on the back of her neck.

"What are you finding, honey?"

"A lot of Jell-O salad, which I cannot wrap my head around." David snickers then gently grazes his teeth on her shoulder next to her tank top strap.

"Have you tried it?"

"No! And how is that a salad? It's sugar."

"Can't knock it til you've tried it." He insists. He takes one hand off the cart, then leans into the cooler to grab a pink, mush looking thing. "Oh this one has mandarin oranges. Healthy!"

Mack makes a face, then pretends to vomit into the cart.

"I'm not eating that."

"You need to assimilate, My Swiss Princess." Mack scoffs.

"You cannot make me eat that."

"I bet I can." His direct and slightly husky response has Mack's hair standing on end. She shivers, for a completely different reason than the cool refrigerated air. Then she shakes her head defiantly. He continues, "You try this and I'll do that thing you liked from last night."

"You're gonna do that again anyway." She smirks back at him, grabbing the salad from his hands and tossing it into the cart. David chuckles, then slaps her ass so hard she jolts forward in surprise. "Still in public." She mutters.

"Yeah, but I'd still do that thing I did to you right here... where everyone can see." Mack tucks her chin to her chest, hiding her flaming cheeks as he rubs himself up against her butt. "What are we bringing to this thing?" He asks her.

"This Hell salad." She points down to it. David sighs.

"I feel like you aren't taking this cookout seriously. We can't show up with that. We were told to bring an appetizer."

"It's salad." Mack argues back at him. He doesn't say anything. Mack turns around and sees him looking down at her ass as she walks in front of him. "I feel like we aren't even gonna make it to this cook out." Mack mumbles through a smile then stops in her tracks, rolling her ass back into his zipper when they collide. He grunts, then brings a hand to force her still against him.

"Wanna go home?" He asks into her ear then kisses down her neck to the sweet spot that makes her sing to him. Mack inhales sharply, then sighs.

"Mhm."

After they tumble through the front door, and satiate their needs, they lay on the entry way rug, stroking each other's bare skin.

"Admit it. You don't like Jell-O salad." Mack pokes at a spot just above his belly button. David chuckles. "And you think it's weird." She looks up at him, jokingly glaring.

"It's not my first choice at the cookout." He confirms, fingers trialing down her spine to rest on her butt. "Snickers salad is great though."

Mack's mouth drops open and her eyebrows cave in on one another.

"You're teasing me?"

"I am not."

"Babe." Mack groans, dropping her forehand to his sternum. "That is NOT SALAD!"

"I can't wait until you're my little housewife, homemaker when we have been married for 50 years and you're whipping up Snickers salad for me after a long day plowing fields. Maybe I'll still be able to plow you then too." Mack laughs.

"I will never make Snickers Salad or Jell-O salad or..."

"Watergate salad?" David fills in.

"None of it!" She confirms. "But I will still plow you in 50 years."

Then she reaches down his stomach to begin doing just that again.

[iplaywithstring]

Last Monday my cat died. I posted briefly about it, but I didn't get into details. I need to get things out of my head to process them, so this is going to be more detailed. I'm putting it under a cut so people can skip

We got Ember and Binky in August. They were born mid April, so they still had baby faces and were tiny. They were sisters born to a feral cat who had been caught by a local TNR group just before they were born. That means they were fostered right from birth and never had to live outside.

Ember was the brave one - curious and affectionate. She had no concept of "no" and as far as she was concerned she was the center of the universe. If Binky was playing with something or getting attention, Ember would show up and put herself right in the middle. She was known to try and lick the tube treat right out of Binky's mouth.

She was so affectionate she was baby. She liked to be held on her back in my arms to have her face pet and to fall asleep. She also liked to lay down on my chest if I was on the couch, sometimes right across my neck - but she weighed like 3 lbs so what was I to do about it. She would often sit on my arms/hands to stop me from typing or knitting so that she could get the attention she obviously deserved.

She was an indoor cat. We had "kitten proofed" the house - made sure they didn't have access to house plants or cleaners or other potential dangers. We thought she was safe.

I don't know exactly what happened. I was the only one home. I had been playing with the cats and then they wandered off to explore elsewhere. I was in the kitchen, washing my hands when I heard a noise - something had fallen. I finished washing my hands and went to check - I figured she had knocked over the small cat tree we have by the window (they did that when they got a little too exciting jumping in and out of it).

I found my big bobbin lace pillow on the floor. I can only guess what happened - she climbed up the cloth bins to the top of the storage unit and pulled it down on top of herself. The unit is about 4ft high, the pillow is upholstered, but made with plywood, it's solid and heavy. It was on top of the unit, but stable, pushed back and fully supported. I wonder if she got her claws stuck in the fabric and that's why she couldn't get out of the way.

She was bleeding and thrashing like a fish out of water. I picked her up but she wouldn't stop thrashing. I couldn't see any wounds. There was so much blood. I couldn't tell where it was coming from, but it was dripping from her. I held her closer to try to get her to settle, and ran to the neighbours. I had to stop to shut the door to make sure Binky didn't get out. There was blood on the door.

I rang my neighbours bell and called her name. Ember stopped moving. I pet her and checked her and she was so still. The neighbour opened the door. She asked whose cat it was, was there an accident, am I ok. "It's Ember. She's gone. I don't know what to do"

The neighbour brought me back to the house. We put her in the sink to check her. She was gone. No obvious wounds. Covered in blood. The neighbour suggested a towel, I went to get one. We laid her on it and checked again. No breathing, no heartbeat.

I called my husband - he was on the way home with my kid. I had to tell them what happened. "There was an accident, Ember got hurt. She died. The neighbour is here helping me." My son started crying. I tried to clean as much blood as I could before they got home. Off the door, off the floor where it had dripped when I carried her. Not where it happened, that was too much, that was for later. Realized I was covered - my shirt and pants, my arms, my face. I washed off as much from my skin as I could, no time to change.

They got home. My son, taller than me but still a kid, crying, breaking down, asking why. I told him not to go in the living room, to go find Binky. My husband asking what happened, showed him the room, the mess, tried to make sense of it.

The neighbour asked if we had a box. Helped me settle her into it. Told us the less expensive place to go in the morning. She gave me a hug and told me she'd check on my later. It was about half an hour after I heard the noise.

My husband told me he'd start cleaning while I showered. I needed to shower before I called my daughter to tell her. When I got out of the shower most of the mess was cleaned. I help clean blood off the walls. The rug. Hugged my son while he laid with Binky and cried.

It was so quick. Intense and traumatic. Binky wouldn't come downstairs, she stayed in bed with us all night. My son didn't want to be down stairs the next day either. We watched a movie piled in my bed. Shared memories, talked about sadness and grief and the fine line between helpful distractions and trying too hard not to feel.

Now it's been almost a week. Binky still looks for her, but she doesn't avoid the room anymore. My son asked me to get a new rug because he could still see the stains - I got rid of the old one and the new one will be here tomorrow. The lace cushion is stored on the floor beside my loom.

We have plans to get a new cat because Binky needs a companion. We can't replace Ember - she was so special. It still feels unreal. We only had her 3 months and then just gone. Putting away her favourite toys made me cry.

[ailendolin]

Idk if you're still doing the ask game but if you are --> ❤️‍🩹 Pat & Thomas (platonic or romantic idm) :)) love your fics btw <3

I'm always up for doing ask games, no matter how long ago it was that I reblogged them. So thank you for sending this in! 💙 I don't ship Thomas and Pat so I'm going for a platonic headcanon based around the hug they shared in series 5. I hope you enjoy it!

Headcanon ask game can be found here. Answered asks for this ask game are gathered under this tag.

❤️‍🩹 - Hurt/Comfort

Pat realised early on that Thomas can talk for hours without really saying anything. It's the things he doesn't say that are the most enlightening, so Pat starts reading between the lines. It's how he learns that Thomas's father wasn't around for most of Thomas's life, or perhaps not around at all, and that Thomas would have traded all the money and support his mother gave him throughout his life for something as simple as a hug from her.

There is an emptiness in-between Thomas's sentences when one knows what to listen for; an aching silence that tells of a longing Thomas doesn't know how to express. Pat can't quite put his finger on what that means until Thomas pulls him so desperately close the night they think one of them will move on. When Pat makes him pull back almost at once, shame and embarrassment are written all over Thomas's face for all the world to see, and the puzzle pieces are finally falling into place.

There is no time to act on his revelation that evening. Too much is going on and emotions are running far too high to draw any attention to it. But the next morning he goes to find Thomas in the library, and when he sits down beside him, he doesn't hesitate before he pulls him into a hug - a gentler, less desperate version of the one the night before.

"You've been waiting for this for two-hundred years, haven't you?" he asks quietly. When Thomas's breathing hitches, Pat smiles sadly and holds him tighter. "I'm always up for a hug, mate. All you have to do is ask."

It changes everything. At first, Pat has to open his arms in silent invitation whenever it looks like Thomas is in need of a hug but once it sinks in that he really meant what he said, Thomas starts coming to him of his own accord. He's all shy and self-conscious when he does but Pat doesn't mind, not when Thomas smiles at him so heartbreakingly genuinely every time they part. It suits him, that smile, and Pat is glad to see it emerge more and more these days - and all because of a simple hug.

[bugsinshoes]

i want to know more about your ocs!! what else can you share about their lore? TELL ME MORE ABOUT SAM AND RUDY!!!

OKAYY !!! i'm gonna go on a little rant about sam and rudy because i absolutely adore them WAUGHH !!

SO !!

sam and rudy were friends LONG before they met laurie. they've been besties since elementary, so they're practically inseparable. they know each other inside and out, they tell each other their secrets, knowing they'll keep it under wraps, STUFF LIKE THAT !!!

rudy was the first person sam turned to when she figured out she was trans. rudy was super supportive and awesome and promised to keep it a secret. sam wasn't really able to express herself fully until she left her parents' house in idaho to go to college, but rudy made sure she was happy with herself every time he could.

then they meet laurie at the beginning of their freshman year of high-school, when laurie is in the cafeteria DESPERATELY looking around for somewhere to sit and rudy spots her and waves and beckons her to sit with them so that's where their friendship starts !! THEN THEY BECOME MEGA BEST FRIENDS: TRIO VERSION !!!

sam REALLY loves professor what (my gravity falls version of doctor who) and every saturday sam would watch the new episodes with rudy and laurie !! and then every time there'd be a new really important plot point, she'd sit rudy and laurie down and talk about what they know so far, trying to piece everything together

artistic rendition:

then sam basically DRAGGED laurie and rudy to her house to watch the apollo moon landing because she LOVES space and astrophysics and whatever so she was like: "PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE WE NEED TO WATCH THIS !!" and rudy and laurie were all supper happy for sam bcs it made HER happy and BWUAGGHHH I LOVE THEM YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND !!

and for rudy, he'd buy comics every week or like, whenever a new issue came out, and he would get SO worked up if it ended on a cliffhanger. DUDE COULD NOT WAIT !!! also sometimes he'd read the pages out to sam and laurie and he'd do all different voices and onomatopoeia and whatever. he's just a silly guy !!!

bwaughhh anyways that's all i can think of atm !!! they're such goobers i actually can't handle them

[innitmarvellous]

@flashfictionfridayofficial

I feel like the way I'm interpreting these prompts isn't the intended way, but...what can I do, I'm a politics nerd, lol.

Fandom: The Thick of It

Words: 818

CW: swearing, but if you know the show it's rather harmless haha

Fic under the cut (& on AO3, link above)

'Here we go, mate. But only for a few minutes. It's late at night and I'm not supposed to do this at all, but since I know you I'm making an exception.'

Malcolm put a hand on the caretaker's shoulder, an unusual gesture for a man like him. 'Thanks, it's much appreciated. I'll be out of here soon, I promise.'

'Alright. I'll leave you alone now.' The doors closed and Malcolm was alone inside the big chamber of the House of Commons in Westminster Palace.

He looked around and even if he knew this room so well - the wooden benches covered with green leather, the visitor's gallery high up above his head and the special atmosphere that was simply unique to this place in the heart of British democracy - it felt as if he only really saw it for the first time.

His feet took him over to the right-hand benches and he sat down where the leader of the opposition usually had his or her place. He took a seat and thought about how he had never actually sat on these benches - of course not, after all he wasn't one of these fucking politicians! - but he had seen many people who had been sitting here and on the opposite side of the chamber. They had come and after a while they had gone again. Because of stupid scandals or simply because they had been unfortunate enough to have lost their seat in an election.

And now it was his turn. He wasn't a member of parliament, but he sure had lost something. It wasn't just a job, really. It had been his life, for better or for worse.

He felt empty inside. And this big chamber - so utterly devoid of people, of any sign of life - echoed his feelings perfectly. It was like a metaphor. However, he hated thinking in such terms like metaphors. That was the kind of fucking stupid things sentimental people did. He didn't need that kind of rubbish.

Yes, it was all empty now. He had often seen the House of Commons full of people. He had been up there on the gallery, first in his function as the Prime Minister's close advisor. And then, in their opposition days it was Nicola whom he had accompanied here. In fact, none of them would have come very far without his support and the work he had done for them. What would happen now that they had to make do without him? Would Westminster Palace simply fall down, now that Ollie - that incompetent little fool - had taken his place? No, of course it wouldn't. It was a thought that almost made him laugh (and he had not had many occasions for laughter recently), but it was nothing but a nice thought.

The world would simply go on. Soon this empty house would be full of people again. People that weren't him.

He ran a hand across his face. 'Fucking hell. I must be too old for this. I'm getting sentimental.'

As he was still facing this horrible thought, the big door opened with a creak and the caretaker peeked in. 'I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave now, mate. Can't risk losing my job over this.'

Malcolm got to his feet. 'Alright, alright. It's about fucking time anyway.'

He allowed himself one more look around. That was it. Time to go, truly.

After he went outside, the caretaker locked the door and said: 'That other bloke has already left, you know.'

Malcolm frowned. 'What other bloke?'

'Well, the other bloke. Tall, dark hair, wore it weirdly slicked back...didn't like him, honestly. A rather smarmy fella. Said he wanted in too because he's a friend of yours. Wasn't that true?'

'No, I don't know anyone like that,' said Malcolm, despite knowing the truth very well. So that spineless little rat had followed him here, but then he had been too much of a coward to actually talk to him. Well, that was typical for Ollie.

The caretaker shrugged. 'Oh, well. Can't have nicked anything and now he's gone anyway.'

He said his goodbyes to the caretaker and thanked him again, then he left the building. He took his time walking through the hallways, taking everything in as he passed by.

As he went through the door and stepped out into the outside world he felt that something had changed inside him.

There was relief. It was as if he had left behind a lion's den. A gruesome place that wasn't worth another look back.

And yet...

That place had been a big part of his life for the last years. He wasn't able to leave it behind for good. Some part of it probably remained here. Some part of his life, of his self, and he would never get back.

He had no idea whether that was a good or a bad thing.

[ominoose]

Abandoned Fic

Steven/Marc/Jake - Onlyfans Xmas Editions

I'm so sorry gang, I've tried my best at this but it aint working, so I am giving this fic up so anyone can enjoy the bare bones or someone can steal and adapt it. I apologise for my transgression of not finishing the Moon Knight Gang Bang, but it is what it is amigos.

There was a comfortable rhythm to how each man came and went from their shared flat. Jake was out most of the time, doing things even God likely didn't want to know about. Marc was out half the time, doing odd jobs, going out for a run. Steven was the homebody of the bunch, comfortably sat at home, cocooned under blankets as he leafed through yet another Egyptology book.

The one time they were guaranteed to be at home together was for a Sunday dinner. It was Stevens idea, one he stubbornly insisted on with wet puppy eyes and a trembling bottom lip. Now it was their routine, a way to catch up on each others daily goings on. What it wasn't supposed to be was the catalyst to Jake and Marc confronting Steven about his Onlyfans.

"So... Marc found this curious little video online Steven. Si, there's this guy with his dick in his hand, all sad and crying, British and what not. Looked just like you."

The matching smirk was lethal.

What followed was an awkward conversation that had the Brit mentally booking flights to Antarctica and trying to remember how Marc had gotten forged documents. Despite his absolute horror, both had been receptive, saying they appreciated the extra income. Steven even found himself rambling about how it all worked, the events, even the Halloween special (minus the homemade pumpkin pie.)

When the pair offered their help to make a Christmas special, he'd been stunned into silence. Being supportive of his more... intimate method of making rent was one thing, but helping him organise things? It should've set off big, flashing red alarms in his silly mind how much they were taking to it, but Steven was too high on having them both engage with his interest.

After all, he did end up leaving the Halloween special to the last minute and that only ended up being a success thanks to a fans odd (yet incredibly lucrative) request. Steven didn't want to leave it to chance this year, he needed something big, something inciting to compete with the market and do something worth stealing attention on Christmas eve.

The usual set was decorated to the nines, tinsel hung from the top, blow up candy canes at the back and softly blinking fairy lights framing the entire set up. Jake had been the one to help set it up, even dusting off his toolkit to put together the new camera stand Steven had bought and fell over whilst attempting to put it up. The Latino's mood was far too chirpy as he whistled atop the ladders, screwing some poles to the wall for Stevens green screen. Another sign.

Marc's idea of help had been more personal, nodding encouragement at Steven's ideas, adding in his own advice here and there.

"Why not add baubles to the tinsel? Maybe you should wear something festive? Just an idea, obviously. I don't know, you said you'd used all your... 'props' before, isn't Christmas partly about getting new things?". How did Steven not see it coming?

Despite the actual nature of the topics, the support was nice, lovely even. It felt like something had finally clicked between them all, oddly enough. Like a gap being bridged. None of the trio had felt closer in Stevens eyes, especially on nights when a pen was nestled behind curls on his ear as he furrowed over notes for future streams, bouncing ideas off the two before slowly falling asleep on a leather jacket or denim shirt.

When the night finally arrived Steven looked at the set with wide eyes, the soft fairy lights twinkling, mistletoe hung at the top of the screen and a little green tree stood merrily at the side. It was perfect.

Both Marc and Jake had agreed to leave the flat for the duration of the stream, but as Steven pulled his candy cane stockings on, the door creaked open.

"Dios mío, I knew they were gonna look good but this is something else..." The gravelly voice had Steven jerking upright, face a warm red.

"W-What are you both doin' still here?! I thought you left-"

[nonuggetshere]

15 and 16 for my baby girl PK?

Full disclaimer, I pulled an allnigter so this might not be comprehensible

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

HMMM. Okay, so I really love PK x WL/WyrmRoot, I adore big height differences and guys just obsessed with their wives. And they're both morally grey, nuanced characters, doomed to fail from the start, so they're both already pretty high up on my character likability tier list and when you put them together it's even better. They support each other's wrongs. They haunt the narrative together. What's not to love?

I also like PK x Grimm/PaleNightmare and PK x TL for other reasons.

Visually, I like the aesthetic of Grimm and Pale King together, and the dynamic some people give them - of Grimm being one of the few people who can irritate and stand up to Pale King and get away with it - I adore a lot. This dance of power and how far one can push the other is something I enjoy in ships. Also, two old fucks finding comfort in each other's company.

Pale King x Traitor Lord is just very amusing to me. It would make the Traitor Lord a gigantic, stinking hypocrite and that's funny to me. Also, I enjoy mortals winning over gods and being the "dominant" one in the relationship, so to speak. That's it, that's the only two reasons. Mostly, it's funny. I love old man yaoi.

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

I'm gonna say Lurien x PK/PaleWatcher. I flip flop between disliking them and liking them, and I think it has to do a lot with how they're written. I KNOW it's played up for a joke so I don't really mind it as much, but boiling down Lurien's character to "the guy obsessed with the Pale King" rubs me the wrong way (I keep saying how I don't like characterisations that serve no other purpose than to prop up or demonise another character, and this falls under that category methinks). But it's 99% a joke so it's fine. I'm personally not a fan of how some people write either of them (most of the time Lurien) to be hopelessly pinning after the other, just not my cup of tea specifically for these two. I want them to be two weirdos who just Get each other, are one of the very few people who truly understand each other, but there's still this dance around the...let's say proper mannerisms, statuses and societal expectations. I feel like you get me like no other but you are my king/my subject and I cannot get closer to you than at arms reach, even if I crave it, I need it. I also want them to get completely weird about it in a worshipping your deity kind of way (yes I know it sounds kind of similar to Lurien being obsessed with PK I mentioned before. It is not, not in my soul or heart. Just trust me on this one okay, don't question it).

So overall I don't necessarily dislike it so to speak, it's just my least favourite ship because it can be very hit or miss (I guess they never miss) kind of relationship for me

(For the briefest of moments, when I realised that I'm talking about a ship that I don't even dislike, I thought about switching this answer to Radiance x PK because that's the worst ship I could think of without it being downright gross/triggering. And then I promptly realised it'd be fucking hilarious and now I want to see them make each other worse. I want to observe this toxic inevitable disaster like a fly on a wall)

[lohstandfound]

⭐️

oh oh oh okay. there's so many i want to talk about

okay. first off, i want to talk about rolling. lucas has always been such an interesting character to me in bare. like. 'hey, i got the goods. i don't wanna take care of you all night so we're going to go over drug safety 101 again, okay?', claims he's not going to babysit his friends but goes to take care of ivy, he's the school drug dealer but the sin he confesses to is extra nyquil.

he goes up to jason, holding the very thing jason will use to overdose. he says 'you know we're still cool, right?'. he's not sure the best way to say it but he tries to tell his best/close friend that it's okay, you've still got me

how do you think he felt to find out he supplied jason with the thing he used to kill himself. and it's not like jason didn't know how much would be lethal.

anyway, i think about lucas a lot

i decided michael would be the better person to take that sort of role in the bapo au. it makes sense, honestly. but it just makes the story a little more tragic.

michael is gay, jenna is the only one who knows. michael is probably just as terrified as rich and jake are about coming out in the environment they have spent most of their life in.

unsure whether saint cecelia's was supposed to be just a high school or not. my catholic school went from year 7 - 13. which is probably middle school to high school. there's another school in my town that is year 1 - 13 (so i guess elementary to high school). either way it's highly likely that they went to a catholic primary school. a catholic education system is all they're familiar with

ample time for them to have it drilled into them gay = bad.

if michael just paid a little bit more attention to jake and rich, maybe he would have noticed they were a lot closer than just best bros. maybe he would have noticed that when jake and rich had their falling out, rich was a lot more upset for it being a best friend fight. if michael paid a little more attention, maybe he would have noticed. if michael paid a little more attention, he could have told them that they weren't the only ones.

the 'you know we're still cool, right?' is a lot more loaded when it comes from michael knowing that his close friend is just like him. and michael knows what it's like to feel so alone with such a heavy secret. there were so many things that michael to say to offer some sort of support, he could have told them. but 'you know we're still cool, right?' was the best he could come up with. and that wasn't enough.

anyway. onto the fic itself. the bapo fic doesnt really focus on anyone else during the rave. makes sense since it is mostly focused on rich and jake. but i wanted to explore a little more on michael and his relationship with his faith and his sexuality, which is something he struggles with. his parents didn't take it well, he cannot tell his friends, jenna is the only one who knows, and sneaking out of the school grounds is the only time he can shed that persona of who he has to be to make it through school.

he's another opposite to jake in that sense. because even though they're far away from the prying eyes of their classmates and teachers, and many of their friends are too high to even pay any attention, Jake still takes Rich outside to kiss him. Whereas Michael finds a guy to spend the night with until he notices brooke's panic when chloe suddenly isn't doing too well.

this is a statement that goes for the bare characters too, but all of them are under so much pressure to live up to the expectations set for them by the catholic church. even when they think they've got an escape away from the church figures always watching them, they're not alone. which is something michael thinks about

he's struggling a lot with the relationship of his faith and sexuality, which i imagine would lead to some doubts in his faith at some point.

it's complicated

(and i get it)

(also i need to note that the choice of 'sebastian' being michael's confirmation name was in reference to st sebastian being referred to as the patron saint of the gays putting it simply. and that is definitely why michael chose sebastian. i have no reasoning for jenna choosing veronica. veronica was the first saint i thought of)

just for fun i want to talk about im so obsessed with your ex. the entire concept came to me because every time i listen to that song, i can't help but read it a little bit sapphic. anyway, a lot of olivia rodrigo songs give off chloe vibes. and i had the concept of it working with madeline as well while i was walking to work. made a post, someone agreed to it, couldn't stop thinking about it, decided to write it. (and somehow the song made it to the top of my on repeat playlist on spotify)

i love writing sapphics and confusing feelings of attraction with feelings of jealousy. it works so well for madeline, chloe, and brooke. but this fic is solely from madeline's pov. and i haven't really written for madeline before, if ever.

it was a mixture of the idea that everything madeline does is for the bit and pissing chloe off, and madeline misplacing her feelings of jealousy because she's totally jealous that chloe gets to date jake, when really chloe is the one she wants. and chloe is the one she thinks about the entire time she's with jake. jake's just a trophy, or a stepping stone to what she really wants. because yeah, jake is fine. he's decent. madeline's not sure she gets the hype but whatever

madeline is one of the only people who can say they have dated or at least hooked up with the king and queen of the school

[viridiandruid]

So I wanted to wait until after Pride to send this post, because I didn't want to bring down the feeling of celebration and solidarity that comes with June. This post is gonna have a lot of personal baggage and bleh in it that I'm sure no one wants to hear or read, but it'll be under the cut if you really feel up to it.

We all make jokes about July being Gay Wrath month. But I'd like to propose a case for making it Gay Envy. There are things I want that I'll never have, and I've gotta be okay with that. Sometimes that's just how it is.

Obviously, envy is far from something with positive connotations. But I think there are those of us out there who are a bit envious of the others in the queer community who seem to have gotten a least a little luck in some department or another. And that's what envy is, "a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck" according to Oxford Languages.

And I think it's healthy for us to acknowledge some of the concrete things that we wish had gone better in our lives.

I'm jealous of the queer folks who had supportive parents, the kind that go to pride with them and are so overwhelmed with love for queer people that they offer free hugs and surrogate status as a mother or father to those who don't have them. I wish my parents had been that type, instead of the kind that I will never come out to because I know they already hate gay and trans people on principle and part of me still feels a longing to be accepted home.

I'm envious of the queer kids I know who have loving and accepting family members that are religious, even those in Christian families. I hop onto Facebook every odd week and see Christian adults who grew up in the church praising, being thankful, and unconditionally accepting their queer child. Going to far as helping them make Coming Out announcements, buying them pride flags and helping them navigate life just like any other teenager should.

I'm jealous of the ones who got to date in middle and high school and act like every other teenager, going to school dances and even prom with someone they actually liked. I'm jealous of the ones who felt they didn't need it.

I'm envious of the queer folks who were born in the conventionally attractive category. Those who get by with abs, or a beard, or a good figure, or fall neatly into a category that receives praise instead of stuck in between a bunch of categories and thus qualifies for none of them.

I'm jealous of the queer folks who fall solidly outside of them, who easily define themselves as not having those traits. Those who are fat and unashamed, who are smooth and effeminate. Those who find their own community by the layer of otherness that comes with not being "Exactly Like" their accepted gender identity.

I'm envious of the men who are simply masculine, both cis and trans. Those who have deep voices that instantly identify them, who grow beards, and muscles, and chest hair, and broad shoulders. I wish I had some of those things, that I didn't get called "ma'am" when taking orders over a McDonald's intercom or asked if I'm trans by every passerby who has decided I "don't pass enough"

I'm jealous of the men who are certainly not. Who embrace their feminine sides and have smoothness and joy in distancing themselves from masculinity. Those who can engage in drag and not be held back by their bodies.

I'm envious of those gay and bi men who can pass as straight by virtue of their masculinity, who have the option to keep the secret if they want to, instead of being me who gets outed just by the way I talk or stand or hold myself while thinking. I enjoy the "as if you didn't know" jokes when Pride rolls around, but I wish it was a joke I didn't need.

Perhaps a lot of these are internalized homophobia that I need to work through. Or perhaps a strain of learned transphobia that I haven't quite shaken off yet. Some of them are definitely tied to my own body issues and aren't the fault of any of the categories mentioned or otherwise. They are my issues and mine alone. They need work, I'm far from perfect. But at least I can say them out loud to myself and acknowledge that I don't need to be perfect to be me.

And I guess this is a letter to the others out there too. Those of you who are envious. Who talk about body positivity and self-love but still struggle to love and accept yourselves. I see you. You're not alone. Because I'm still going through the same fight.

I keep telling myself that "after I move out I'll change something" or "after I graduate college and become more financially independent" or even "maybe I'll get to it by the time my siblings graduate and move on". I keep moving my goals posts, which is definitely a problem. There are people I've never fully admitted to about being gay, there are others who just know by the way I act, and some who saw the signs but decided that didn't change how I should be seen as a person (and I treasure them the most).

I hope everyone had a happy Pride. And I hope that if you chose to accept my pitch for Gay Envy, we have a growing experience seeing each other struggle and knowing we're not in it alone.