#as do i... a fourth person not in the equation

[glitchy-haha]

Listen know the year just started like a day ago and I said that I would try to not rant as much this year but I hope everyone who even remotely uses the terms "Fandom police/Fanpol/Fancop" and "Acab includes fandom police" unironically in 2025 and beyond that please fuck off and block this account one time because I have a lot to say to you bitches and I would personally rather not embrace rage this year

[akkivee]

read a post that classified?? explained??? the various ways kuukou’s been written across hipumai’s media and it made laugh lol so it went

stage:

DEMON

anime

functions on actual common sense

actually uses fundamental buddhist monk arguments

his father will tell him to do something and he will actually do it diligently

the kuukou with the least corrupt personality

arb

a completely pure individual. purity at its finest

he’s living his best life out here, the kinda guy that excitedly runs to his dad to show off his decorations, and had a blast celebrating halloween, christmas, hinamatsuri etc

adults tend to treat him to food

will also throw away the mattress his teammate sleeps on

the kuukou with the most corrupt personality

drama tracks/manga:

a healthy 19 year old that may have experience with women

the kinda guy who will sing a song like get busy and can also make a lady ghost experience nirvana

because of an intense and overwhelming love for his family, he will occasionally adopt a buddha-like tone of voice

he has a corrupt personality

[autisticcassandracain]

Free story idea I'll probably never write but am kind of obsessed with: Scott and Lightray role reversal where Scott grew up on New Genesis and Lightray was traded to Apokolips.

Basic set up: Scott, as a little baby child, was supposed to die when Steppenwolf killed his mother. He survived, narrowly, but Izaya hid that from Apokolips in fear of retaliation. So when the pact happened, Izaya's son, presumed dead, wasn't on the table; instead, (quite literally) the brightest child on New Genesis was traded.

So Scott grows up hidden on New Genesis as the son of Highfather, with his big brother Orion. And the thing is, he loves his home, his father, his brother, but by the time he hits young adulthood he's positively gnawing at the bars. He's going stir crazy from his limited movement; even in New Genesis he has to be careful, because after all these years, he's still hiding from Darkseid, who might change the pact if he hears Izaya's son is still alive, or even flat out kill him, breaking the truce in the process. It's not something anyone is willing to risk, least of all Highfather and Orion.

But Scott is not the type to accept limitations on his freedom, and on top of that, the longer he hides away, the more guilty he feels. He's not stupid, he knows that he should have, by all rights, been the one traded in the pact. But Highfather prioritized his safety and took the out that him being presumed dead offered, and another kid took the fall instead. How is that fair? It's not like Lightray is any less important than him. Scott may have been too young to make informed decisions or understand what was happening when the pact occured, but now, as an adult, he's becoming increasingly dissatisfied with being protected at the cost of other peoples lives.

If only he could help in some way – he's no fighter, but he's crafty and creative. Surely, even if he wouldn't he terribly useful on a battlefield (and has no real desire to enter it to begin with), he could at least do something for the kid that got traded in his place? Help him escape, perhaps? He's already capable of giving even New Genesis the slip, Apokolips can't be that much harder...

Meanwhile, Darkseid was fully planning on pulling the same basic gambit with Lightray as he would have with Scott: torment him until he decides to escape at all costs, breaking the pact. So Lightray was put in Granny's Orphanage, ostensibly a normal student, with Granny reporting back on him to Darkseid. And things would've gone roughly like they went for Scott, if it weren't for one thing: Lightray's intelligence.

Where Scott was, as far as we can tell, a perfectly average student, Lightray quickly proves to be exceptional. His fighting is largely mediocre (relatively peaking, of course), but he still wins a vast majority of sparring matches, even when his opponents far outmatch him in skill, resources, numbers, or all three. He does this by simply outsmarting them, figuring out positively brilliant strategies even under the effects of Granny's mind-altering drugs. Granny reports this back to Darkseid, baffled and annoyed, lamenting about cowardice and rebellion; children in Granny's Orphanage are not supposed to think, after all.

But Darkseid quickly realizes that the pact handed them far more than just a symbolical light, an easy way to end the truce; it handed them a weapon. Child of New Genesis Lightray may be, Darkseid reads Granny's reports of cunning, manipulation, underhanded and even ruthless strategy and sees himself. On New Genesis, Lightray may have been a formidable enemy, but now, Darkseid has the opportunity to mold him into a surprise weapon. A cunning strategist, perhaps even on a similar level as himself, completely loyal to Apokolips, but easily able to win New Genesis' trust if necessary. A perfect potential spy. Lightray still has some of that pesky New Genesis kindness, but nothing a little careful manipulation won't fix. But the brute force of Granny's Orphanage won't bend him into the right shape; a little more subtlety is required here.

So Darkseid takes Lightray from Granny's Orphanage and only lies to him a little bit. He tells Lightray about the pact, about how he was traded for convenience's sake; Darkseid even graceciously admits that he'd originally planned to use Lightray much the same way, but had realized his mistake and decided to give him a chance instead. Darkseid sees how special Lightray is, how much more he could be than just a bargaining chip; Darkseid could make him great, give him power and, more importantly, a place to belong. Lightray could be important, and important things aren't easily traded away, are integral to their home and respected as peers. He could have a place here if he just listens to Darkseid, and why shouldn't he? What has New Genesis, what has Highfather given him? At least Apokolips, Darkseid is giving him a chance, believes he can be more than a bargaining chip. Highfather sees him as nothing but a tool, but Darkseid gets him, believes in him, believes he is more. Between the two of then, who has earned Lightray's loyalty?

So Lightray grows up as Darkseid's adopted son, favored even over Kalibak for his merit, risen above his origins as a bargaining chip, and only feels a little weird about it all. Just a little bit. Somewhere in the back of his mind, there is an instinctive part of him that cringes when a hunger dog rebel begs for mercy while being tortured to death, but that's just his New Genesis weakness, and he's long since overcome it. It's nothing Darkseid holds against him, as long as Lightray fights it. His origins don't define him, and he's grabbed the knife and chosen Darkseid's strength over New Genesis' weakness.

They were planning on having him 'escape' Apokolips and slotting him into New Genesis as a spy, but a golden opportunity drops straight into their lap. A New Genesian manages to sneak straight into Lightray's room, in the heart of Darkseid's home. The only one they know with the skill to pull that of is Himon, but this is clearly someone else.

This is Highfather's son, remarkably alive despite all information to the contrary, and doesn't that just reinforce everything Lightray's ever been taught? Highfather had been unwilling to sacrifice his own son, as Darkseid had done, and had instead cowardly offered up Lightray as a sacrificial lamb. Well, joke's on them, this lamb has grown into a wolf, and is ready to earn his spot in the pack. Highfather's son is called Scott Free (which is really just salt in the wound, isn't it) and is here to break him out, take him back to New Genesis, and it's a little before schedule, but they can't possibly pass up this opportunity.

Scott returns home to New Genesis, having successfully rescued Lightray and feeling pretty good about himself, not understanding why Orion is so spitting mad at the whole thing. He knows this means war, and that's awful, but this truce was never going to last, and they all know it. And now that he's seen the horrors of Apokolips for himself, he can't help but want to do something about it. He may be no fighter, but he thinks he can work with Himon; Himon's methods seem to fit very well with Scott's strengths. He can help, but his father still forbids him to leave New Genesis, and Orion insists that Darkseid is planning something, that it's too dangerous. Scott is inexperienced, naive, and must be protected at all costs, and if they think they can actually successfully keep him in one place they're idiots. It's only a matter of time before he gives them the slip.

Orion knows this damn well, but that's not going to stop him from trying to keep Scott from walking straight into an enemy trap. He doesn't trust Lightray, not even a little bit; he still remembers what Darkseid is like, and he knows, knows that Lightray would never have been allowed to live as his son if he wasn't useful to him in some way. Orion would bet his astro harness Lightray is a spy, but what can they do? Highfather refuses to lock Lightray up without concrete proof that he's a traitor, and they obviously can't send him back to Apokolips. If Scott goes through with joining Himon, he'll be in the middle of enemy territory, with a spy to report back to Darkseid on it. Orion can't allow that to happen, no matter what. But he can't just babysit Scott, even if Scott would've allowed him to do that; with the war starting, Orion is needed on the front lines. He doesn't know how to balance the need to protect his brother with his duties towards New Genesis and the universe at large.

Lightray, meanwhile, is having a bit of a culture shock. New Genesis is, for the most part, exactly what he'd been told to expect: bright, soft, holier-than-thou, all-around fake and weak. But it's still a shock to go from dark Apokolips to bright New Genesis, and to his alarm he can feel the effects already. In the sunlight, he is physically stronger and much more comfortable. He settles in easy, feels content in a way he rarely (never) felt on Apokolips. No matter how much he tries to remind himself that these people betrayed them and he's here to destroy them, he fits on New Genesis in a way he never did on Apokolips, and that scares him, a little bit. Because he knows he'll never have a place here; he'd be a tool at best, and an interloper at worst. Orion's hostility, though a significant hurdle in the plan, is almost welcome; it's familiar, and makes it easier to remind himself that he does not, in fact, belong here.

And then, there is one more complication: Scott Free. Scott Free, Highfather's hidden son, for whose sake he was traded, who is naive and reckless and easy to manipulate, and genuine in a way that completely throws Lightray for a loop. Highfather lies, pretending to trust Lightray despite obviously agreeing with Orion's suspiscions, apologizing for trading Lightray even though he'd surely do it again without hesitation, claiming to respect New Genesis' youth above all despite how obviously untrue that is. It's easy to look at him and see confirmation of everything Darkseid told him about New Genesis.

But Scott tells Lightray he never should've been traded in his place and honestly seems to believe it. He defied orders to come 'rescue' Lightray because he believed it was more important than the continuation of the pact. He's weak, in many ways, but he sees the world how it could be, not the way it is, and has a bright resiliance to him, which Lightray stubbornly refuses to compare to anyone he's met, especially not one Aurelie, the Fury who'd been revealed to be part of Himon's rebels. Scott Free will either die painfully or waste the rest of his life away imprisoned, and Lightray finds himself making just a few too many excuses for why that bothers him.

When Scott Free finally escapes Orion and Highfather's watch to go join Himon, Lightray does not immediately report to Darkseid. He contacts Big Barda instead. It's not treachery, he tells himself. Big Barda is wholly loyal to Darkseid, the leader of the Furies, and will get the job done; besides, he'll report to Darkseid soon enough. He still refuses to think about Aurelie, and how closely Barda stuck to Lightray's side afterwards, drawn to him for reasons they both knew but refused to acknowledge. When he hears back about Barda's defection and her and Scott's escape to Earth, he is obviously very shocked and not even a little bit relieved the plan he didn't have worked.

Then the anti-life equation is discovered on Earth, and suddenly Lightray is told by Darkseid that discovering its location should be his top priority. Orion is sent to look for it as well, to protect it, and Lightray, seeing an opportunity, insists to go along. To his surprise, Orion actually agrees. Orion, for this part, just wants to get Lightray as far away from New Genesis as possible, and is working on a 'keep your friends close, but your enemies closer' logic. So off they both go, on the universe's most high-stakes and hostile buddy road trip.

[sitkowski]

sweet surrender (nick folio x oc)

pairing: nick folio x harper (oc)

cw: 18+ MDNI ⚠️ fake dating, kinda crappy parents, vaginal fingering. doing things on a motorcycle that probably aren't realistically possible.

word count: 3.8k

author's note: this one wasn't originally started with the intention of being posted around the birthday boy's day, but here we are. i've seen enough rom-coms and hallmark movies to know anything is possible. title comes from the song by sarah mclachlan 🫶🏻 dividers by @saradika-graphics

⇉ masterpost || taglist signups

Harper’s flip flops smack noisily against the asphalt as she hurries across the parking lot. She’s already seventeen minutes late, and her mother doesn’t like to be kept waiting. The second her hand is on the handle to the restaurant door, her phone pings loudly in her purse for the fourth time since she left work. She didn’t even think of trying to go home and change, knowing that it would only delay the inevitable more.

Inside the quaint little bar and grill, Harper’s mother sits in the back at a small table, disappointment evident on her face as she approaches the table. There were many things that she considered hell, and lunch with her mother was one of them. But she knew if she didn’t go, she’d just keep bugging her until her sister’s wedding. And somewhere between work and arriving at the restaurant, Harper came up with a possibly insane plan.

“Hi mom,” she sinks down in the chair across from her and grabs a menu. “Sorry I’m late. I had to wait for someone to relieve me at the bar—”

“I already ordered you a sweet tea. I know it’s your favorite.”

Harper tries her very best not to seem shocked at that, because she knows there’s probably an ulterior motive behind it. “Um, thanks.”

“Look, I know I’m a broken record here,” her mother begins, and there it is. “But I wish you weren’t coming to this wedding alone. You’re the last of my children without a partner, don’t you feel like the odd person out?”

It takes everything Harper has not to get up and leave right then and there. She tells herself that her mom is only looking out for her, that she just wants her to be happy. But somehow, she’s always equated happiness with finding someone, having a boyfriend. Being the youngest of four, and right now the only single child, she’s heard it all so much over the years, and it’s one of the reasons why she’s kept any relationships she’s had to herself until they got serious. Which, of course, hadn’t happened in a long time.

“I have a date for the wedding.” she blurts out instead. Harper is a liar. She has nothing remotely close to a date, but she sees the way her mother’s eyes light up, and she raises her hand before she can immediately start drilling her with questions about this nonexistent date. “It’s still very new, but he’s nice. And I’ll let you meet him before the wedding, at the final rehearsal. But for now, can we just keep this between us?”

“Oh absolutely, of course!” her mom says. But Harper knows, her mom is a liar too, and the entire family will know before the end of the day. “I’m just happy you found someone, I know you’ve got to be lonely in that house all by yourself.”

Harper opens her mouth to say something else, but the waitress arrives with their drinks and to take their orders. She’s never been so grateful for the distraction. Her mother even changes the subject before their food arrives. But now all Harper can think about is the fact that she has to convince her neighbor to be her plus one to a wedding.

It’s either a coincidence or a twisted act of fate that Harper’s neighbor is outside working on his bike when she pulls into her driveway. She and Nick aren’t exactly close friends; they’re friendly with one another, she grabs any mail that comes while he’s on tour for him and makes sure his three plants don’t die. He asks her about her day if they catch each other outside at the same time, and once they shared a few beers on his porch after she accidentally locked herself out. She baked him cookies.

And now she’s got to ask him this huge favor.

She knows she could get out of this with her mom, admit she lied or say this mystery guy broke up with her. But as she gets out of her car and looks over at Nick in his driveway, wearing a fitted black tank top and his hands stained with grease, she realizes she wants to prove a point. Her shutting the car door seems to grab his attention, and he turns to wave at her. She lifts her hand in return before taking a deep breath and walking across the section of grass that separates their houses.

“Is something wrong with your bike?” she asks by way of greeting.

Nick shakes his head, wiping his hands off on a rag from his back pocket. “Nah, I just like doing everything on it myself. I’ve got the free time right now.”

“No big tours coming up?”

“Not for a few weeks,” he shoves the rag back into his pocket and pushes his hair back out of his face. “It’s hot out, you want a drink?”

“As long as it’s alcoholic, please.”

She follows him up to his porch and he disappears inside. Harper sits in on the porch swing, picking nervously at her chipped nail polish. The worst that can happen is he can say no, that’s what she tells herself. She waits for Nick to come back, holding out a glass to her. Her eyebrows raise because instead of beer, he brings her whiskey.

“You look like you could use it,” he admits, before sitting beside her. The last time they did this, it was just two beers sitting on the porch steps so she could keep an eye out for the locksmith. It’s not lost on her that this is the closest she’s been to him before. “Everything okay?”

“Just…lunch with my mom. My sister’s wedding is coming up and she’s being extra…extra.”

“She’s stressing you out?”

“More like she won’t stop asking me who I’m bringing to the wedding as a plus one,” Harper takes a sip of the whiskey and rubs her forehead. “I kind of…told her I had a date, when I didn't.”

Nick winces sympathetically, “Ouch.”

She nods in agreement before taking a deep breath and looking over at him. “So I have this stupidly huge favor to ask, and I know you’re probably busy with your band even though you said you have a break, or maybe you just wanna be left alone in which case I will finish this drink and go, but do you maybe wanna pretend to be my date to this wedding?”

She knows that she’s babbling, and she sees the way his eyes widen a little at her question. He’s quiet though, for a lot longer than she thought he’d be, and she fully expects him to let her down gently when he speaks.

“Yeah, sure.”

“I totally get it, we don’t even know each other all that well so if you don’t want to I’ll find someone who—”

“Harper, stop!” he laughs a little, reaching over to put a hand on her knee to cut off her second round of anxious speaking. She blinks and looks down at his hand and then back at his face. “I said I would. I’ll be your fake boyfriend.”

She doesn’t mean to let out a little squeak and throw her arms around his neck, but she can’t help it. She lets go quickly, her face on fire. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, but thank you—”

“Hey it’s no problem, she’s obviously driving you a little insane and I don’t mind helping. I wasn’t kidding when I said I’ve got a few weeks off.”

“It’s seriously just two days, the final rehearsal dinner and then the wedding and reception,” she explains and he nods along. “Do you…do you own a suit?”

She doesn’t mean it in an insulting way, but she’s only ever seen him in t-shirts and jeans, and his riding leathers. That was a distracting enough image, and she quickly banishes it from her mind.

Nick doesn’t seem offended. “I can clean up when I need to. Unless you want to traumatize your mother in which case I am fully prepared to take you to this thing on my bike and make myself her worst nightmare. I’m flexible.”

Harper downs the rest of her whiskey, letting it burn all the way down her throat so that the flush that comes across her cheeks can be blamed on something else.

“Just a nice dress shirt will work,” she pauses and thinks about it. “And yeah, maybe your bike.”

She imagines her mother’s face when she shows up to the rehearsal on the back of Nick’s bike. It wouldn’t be so much the motorcycle itself, but Harper on the back of it in a dress. If this is going to be the way that she’s going to get her off of her back about dating, so be it.

“So, if we’re pretending to date, should I have a cover story?” Nick asks.

Harper hadn’t thought about that. Her mom was nosy, she was going to want every little detail of how she and Nick met, how long they’d been together, what their plans for the future would be. Even if it was just two days, she has to have some kind of details besides him having a motorcycle and being in a band. 

I mean,” he seems to be able to tell that she’s struggling with what to say. “We kind of already have our story, don’t we?”

“We do?” she doesn’t let herself get stuck on how that sounds. Our story.

“We’re neighbors who became friends, you came over and had a few beers when you got locked out of your place and it just…took off from there?”

It sounds so easy, and it’s not even a lie. She nods. “Yeah, that works.”

“So when is this thing? That way I’ve got time to get my bike nice and shiny.”

The day of the final rehearsal approaches quickly. Harper spends most of the morning out with her sisters, getting pampered for the day. They ask her questions about her mystery guy, and she gives them vague but believable answers. When Nick agreed to do this for her, he also gave her a little bit of a rundown on himself in case of situations just like this. She almost wondered if he’d had to be a fake boyfriend before.

When she goes home, she puts on the green floral dress she bought for the day, and even though she knows it’s not exactly practical for the back of a motorcycle, she likes how it looks. She’s doing the finishing touches on her makeup when there’s a knock on the front door. Feeling oddly nervous, Harper goes to answer it. 

Nick wasn’t lying when he said he could clean up when he needed to and he took her words to heart; the black dress shirt he’s wearing beneath his leather jacket looks really good on him. They’re kind of just standing there, staring at each other for a few minutes.

“You look gorgeous,” Nick says, and Harper blushes. His eyes drift down, and the corner of his mouth tilts up. “And while those shoes are very pretty, they’re not safe for the bike. Do you have any flats you can wear?”

Harper slips back into the house and grabs a pair from her hall closet, switching them out and putting her heels into a bag to bring with her. When she comes back out, she follows Nick down to his bike. He hands her a helmet, one that isn’t a full face like his.

“Figured you didn’t wanna sweat off your makeup on the ride.” he says, and she thinks he’s teasing her. “Have you ever been on a motorcycle before?”

She’d been on the back of a friend’s bike in high school, but it had been another style and she knew there was a difference between the two. “Nope.”

“Don’t worry, it’s the safest thing you’ll ever have between your legs.”

Harper’s mouth opens and closes again in surprise, before her eyes narrow. “Did you…did you just quote Girls Just Wanna Have Fun to me?”

Smiling proudly, Nick takes the helmet out of her hands, putting it on her. She holds her breath as he buckles it for her, before pulling on a pair of black leather gloves. He grabs his own helmet and puts it on. With his help, she gets on the bike behind him. She’s able to tuck the skirt of her dress enough so it won’t blow when they’re on the open road. This part she knows enough about, and she puts her hands on his sides. Nick reaches down, wrapping his hand around her wrist and pulling until she gets the message, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso. Harper presses her cheek between his shoulder, clenching her fingers in his jacket.

There was nothing more exhilarating than being on the back of Nick’s bike. It’s not that far from their houses to the venue where the final rehearsal and wedding is being held, but she enjoys every minute of the ride. The parking lot is littered with familiar cars, and Nick parks his bike, cutting the engine. It takes Harper a minute to be able to loosen her grip on his jacket, and she can still feel the rumble from beneath her in her thighs. She lets out a shaky breath, undoing the strap of the helmet and taking it off. In front of her, Nick holds out his hand so she can lift herself off of the seat. When her feet touch the ground, her legs are still shaking.

She can see her mom and her sister Reece watching her from the alcove by the entrance, and it’s hard to miss the smirk on Reece’s face and the look of concern on her mother’s. Harper takes off her flats and slips her heels back on before fluffing out her hair. She watches Nick get off the bike, and he takes off his helmet, gloves and jacket. He’s got the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled to his elbows, and it shouldn’t be nearly as distracting as it is.

“Ready to do this?” he asks, holding out his hand to her. 

Harper nods, lacing her fingers through his. He pulls her closer and she swallows hard, unable to avoid the smile that comes to her face. “Yeah.”

Making the introductions almost seems like the easy part. Within minutes of meeting, all of her sisters are enamored with Nick, including the bride to be. Her mother is a different story, but Harper already knew that it would happen like this. She hears the words drummer and motorcycle club and puts on the most believable fake smile she can. But Harper genuinely wants them to like Nick, even if it is pretend. And for the most part, they do.

“And your band…it does well?” her mother asks sometime between the final rehearsal and dinner, and Harper feels the evening going downhill. 

“They’re viral on Tik Tok,” her grandmother says. Nick smiles that wide smile again and her grandmother winks at him. “Leave them alone, dear. They seem very happy together.”

It eases the tension for Harper, just a little. Beside her, Nick puts his hand on her thigh in a comforting gesture, and she relaxes back in the seat.

The rest of the dinner goes okay, until her mother asks to speak to her privately. She leads her off to the hallway of the floor they’re on away from everyone else. Most of the day has been a blur but Nick’s been there with her the whole time, and she’s thought that they were pretty convincing.

“I know what you’re doing,” her mom says, and Harper frowns. “How could you hide something like this from us?”

“Mom, what—”

“The way that boy looks at you, there is no way that this is new. How long have the two of you been together that you couldn’t tell me, or any of us?”

She almost lets out a sigh of relief, but her mom’s words register with her. She thinks that they’ve been together for longer than she’s said, because of the way that Nick looks at her? From what she’s been able to tell, he’s looking at her the same way he has since they met. Sure, he’s touching her a little bit more, but that was all part of the plan. Wasn’t it?

“You just met him today, and you think he looks at me like, what?”

Her mom’s look turns wistful. “Like your dad used to look at me.”

The words are a punch to the gut, and not in an entirely bad way. Her parents were deeply in love once upon a time. But she doesn’t think that she and Nick know each other well enough for that to be true. Still, her mom wouldn’t have dragged her out here and said something like this unless she saw something that Harper apparently didn’t.

“Mom, there’s something—”

“Babe,” Nick appears in the hallway, and it’s obvious that he might have overheard something that was said, because he comes over, wrapping an arm around her waist. “Jolly wants me to stop by before we head home, would it be okay if we headed out now? I know things are wrapping up for the night.”

“You two go on, we’ll see you in the morning.” Harper’s mom says, answering for her.

She hugs Harper and gives Nick a polite smile before walking back into the banquet hall. It’s not until they’re in the elevator that Harper finally asks. “Who’s Jolly?”

Nick doesn’t take her home right away, turning the bike the opposite direction that they came. Harper doesn’t question it, she just burrows against him comfortably and lets him take her wherever he wants. She’d been grateful for the rescue while dealing with her mom, but she wonders what’s going to happen after the wedding tomorrow. She assumes that things will just go back to how they were before, the two of them being neighbors. It’s something, at least.

It’s dusk by the time Nick stops the bike, in a secluded little spot overlooking mountains and trees. Harper’s pretty sure she came to this spot with a boy when she was in high school. Nick drops the kickstand and takes off his helmet, and Harper takes hers off too. But he doesn’t get off the bike, and she stays leaning into him, enjoying the quiet and the view.

“I know you heard what my mom said,” she whispers into his jacket, and she feels him tense a little before he relaxes. “I thought it was all pretend.”

“And if I said that I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to ask you out for months and thought this was going to be the best way to do it?”

Harper sits up and pulls herself off the bike, and it’s just like he knows what she’s planning to do because he slides back on the seat, making room for her. He hauls her into his lap, her thighs spread over his as she sits facing him.

“I like you, Nick Folio,” she murmurs, draping her arms over his shoulders.  “I mean, you’re viral on Tik Tok after all.”

He throws his head back and laughs. “I like your grandma.”

“And what about me?”

“Oh, I really like you,” he says, before wrapping one gloved hand around the side of her neck and kissing her. 

Harper kisses him back, fisting her hands in the sides of his jacket, trying to get him closer. But she’s worried that too much motion is going to overturn the bike. It’s probably a miracle that it’s staying upright anyway. She slides her hands beneath his jacket, pulling at the buttons on his shirt. Her eyes widen at the sight of the tattoo on his chest, and she files that away for another time when she can drag this out and trace it with her tongue.

Nick pulls back, long enough to tug off his gloves and shove them in his jacket pocket before shrugging out of the leather and letting it fall behind him. Keeping his eyes on Harper’s face, his hands slide up beneath the skirt of her dress. Her breath hitches in her chest at the feeling of his hot hands on her inner thighs, skimming upwards until they touch the edge of her panties.

It’s not lost on her that they’re out here in the open where anyone could come by and see them. That doesn’t really matter to her though, not when Nick’s scraping his teeth over the column of her throat and pulling her underwear to the side.

“Is this okay?” he asks, voice low.

Harper nods quickly, reaching down to wrap her hand around his wrist and guide his hand where she wants it. His fingers slide between her folds, thumb teasing over her clit. She moans, head falling back and his free hand tugs at the top of her dress, pulling it and the cup of her bra down so he can get one of her nipples between his teeth.

A sharp cry escapes her when he eases first one, then a second finger inside of her, and when his fingers curl upward, she finds herself trying to lean back into the handlebars behind her. Nick’s fingers tangle in her hair and he pulls her mouth back to his. Harper nibbles on his bottom lip, tongue sliding over his as she grinds down against his hand.

Whimpering, she buries her hands in his hair, yanking at the longer strands. She’s already on edge, and she’d be surprised that Nick’s able to work her up so quickly, but she can’t think about anything else but this. His forehead presses into hers, eyes locked on the space between them, watching his fingers rock in and out of her. He moves them faster, adding in a third, and Harper’s lost beneath the orgasm crashing into her. The cry she lets out echoes in the air around them, bouncing off of the trees.

Nick pulls his fingers out slowly, bringing them up to his mouth to lick them clean. The sight and the aftershocks of her orgasm leave her dizzy. She starts to reach for his belt, but Nick catches her wrist, pulling her hand up and kissing her palm.

“Later, I promise. I kinda wanna get you home and into my bed.”

Harper can’t argue with that. They fix their clothes and she moves back behind him. As she’s putting her helmet back on, a thought occurs to her. “What happened to this being the safest thing I’ll ever have between my legs?”

“Honey, you haven’t seen anything yet.” he murmurs before putting on his helmet and starting the bike.

She grabs onto him, unable to keep the smile off of her face as he points the bike in the direction of home.

⇉ taglist:

@circle-with-me @deathblacksmoke @malice-ov-mercy @baddestomens

@ladyveronikawrites @dominuslunae @collapsedglasshouses @collidewiththesavannah

@thatchickwiththecamera

[yallthemwitches]

The Golden Rules

When he slipped up on the house rules they tried to be understanding. Who cares if every once in a while they heard a little breathy, feminine sigh come from the other side of James’ bed curtains? Or sometimes the shower was running for hours with sounds of slippery, awkward movements and muffled laughs floating out from under the door? Lily wasn’t some bird that James wanted to get off with, he was in love— and they knew that because he told them so many many times a day.

Sirius is having a big two days in my Jily universe! Written for @jilytoberfest day 18 Prompt :Neighbors (because bunkmates are like neighbors right?)

This one is rated T/M for one short depiction of sexual activity-nothing too crazy though.

Living side by side with a marauder was somewhat of a balancing act. Each boy had their own idiosyncrasies that needed to be attended to. Each one had a different sleep schedule, grooming habit, general idea of cleanliness…and that wasn’t even getting to the teenage boy of it all. In short, the boys had a deal: when in doubt, use a silencing charm or do it somewhere else.

This had become important to denote early on in third year when Sirius started to think that Adelaide Willow’s body looked too fit to handle. By fourth and fifth, things got even more complicated. With love notes piling up for all parties and snogging the new favorite activity, amendments needed to be added to ensure peace.

They had all been very diplomatic about it. Warn a bloke, don’t take ages, and always remember the golden rule: silencing charm or expect no mercy.

This would be all fine and good if it didn’t involve fuzzy brained, randy teens. Peter would constantly forget his silencing charm when he “felt sleepy” at 19:00 some nights, only to get berated before he did anything too crass to himself. Sirius intentionally or unintentionally forgot a few times with various shagging partners, some of which ended the date rather abruptly when books and quidditch goggles got thrown past the bed curtains. The only two that were pretty consistent were James and Remus—mostly due to the fact that Remus refused to date and James preferred other locations that didn’t involve the intimacy of his bedroom.

That wasn’t to say that either of them were angels: after Hogwarts, Sirius would still laugh about the time James was overheard saying a certain name into his pillow, presumably half asleep and unaware that his hand had wandered below the proverbial belt. But it was all good fun—they were sixteen, who could blame them? The system was working, a bit busted, but continuing the status quo nonetheless.

That is, until Lily entered the equation.

The boys knew they had a big storm coming with the onset of Lily and James’ relationship. The bloke had pined after her for years and they all just assumed he had a backlog of emotion he was going to need to dispel. 

As promised, the two were inseparable. Conjoined at the hip, the hands, the chest, the lips—and that was just when they were in public. James was never a fan of bringing girls back to the dorms because he found it too intimate, but for Lily it was a completely different demon. He wanted her in his personal world, so much so that he would do anything to get her closer to every aspect of his life—his four poster bed being just one example.

 The first night she ever stayed over was a telling moment for the Marauder’s residence. Already tucked in for the night, the equilibrium of the room was knocked off course by a frantic and mussed looking James bursting in the door, tie hanging from one shoulder and a crazed look in his eyes. 

“I love you all, but get the fuck out. Evans agreed to come up here. This is not a drill.”

Sometimes mates had to make sacrifices—like sleeping in the common room. 

The boys were happy for him—really, they were. It was a long time coming and it felt good to see their mate feel really good. So, when he slipped up on the house rules sometimes, they tried to be understanding. Who cares if every once in a while they heard a little breathy, feminine sigh come from the other side of James’ bed curtains? Or sometimes the shower was running for hours with sounds of slippery, awkward movements and muffled laughs floating out from under the door? Lily wasn’t some bird that James wanted to get off with, he was in love— and they knew that because he told them so many many times a day.

But even with love involved, everything had its limits. 

When reflecting on it later, Sirius knew that it was purely karma that led him to the dorms that day. A sacrificial moment, brought on by one too many missteps with the status quo. In many ways he considered himself a martyr.

He should have seen the clues. For one, the room was locked and silenced— but that had never stopped him from entering a room before. It might have been the golden rule, but it was his room after all and he figured anything happening at lunch hour couldn’t possibly be too scarring. 

Clue number two: James was on his knees between Lily’s legs. 

They hadn’t closed the bed curtains. Lily’s head tilted back so she had barely a view of the door, making small languorous noises that reminded him of similar muffled sounds he and the lads had once heard before behind the safety of their own beds and the darkness of night. 

With every slight movement of James’ head, her voice reacted. His hands grasped her thighs apart, head tilted upwards, watching his girlfriend’s expressions like a marker of approval. 

Clearly, neither had heard the door open. 

Sirius was there barely a second before Lily’s head rolled back to the top of her spine, eyes dilating in slow motion. Registering her audience, she let out a shrill cry. 

He relocked the door behind him.

*******

James knew he had fucked up. Did he regret it? No— but he did know it wasn’t his best hour. 

To be fair, he hadn’t intentionally set out to break the golden rules of the dorm. It was just like that with Lily. At one moment they could be listening to records and then the next she could have her hands down his trousers. It was as predictable as a game of chance…if 100% of the time the chances led to some form of snogging. 

He trudged out onto the lawn beside the lake where Sirius was lying with Peter and Remus, face tilted towards the sky. As James’ shadow curled over him, a smile pulled at Sirius’ lips.

“Alright, Let’s get this over with– how long were you standing there?”

Sirius’ grin widened, still basking in the sun.

“Don’t know what you are referring to.”

“C’mon pads, I’m not in the mood–I know you just want to hear me say it.”

His eyes blinked open and James tried to remember a time where he looked more smug.

���Oh, are we talking about you licking out your girlfriend? I’d say I was there about a second longer than either of us would have liked.”

Peter made a choking noise into his parchment, Remus sighed and closed his book. 

“Alright James. Too far—“

James’ hand jumped to his hair.

“I-I locked the door Moony, I swear it! He just came barging in!”

“Didn’t lock it well enough,” Sirius snorted and  Remus lightly kicked his leg into his rib.

“Still James—it’s kind of been escalating…I feel like I know Lily a little bit too well nowadays.”

“Yeah mate, the other day I didn’t even know she was in the room. Scared the living shit out of me when she walked to the loo with only your jersey on.” Peter said, ears turning a bright pink.

James sat down and put his head in his hands.They weren’t that bad… 

“Then there was the time where you two practically fell through the door tearing each other’s clothes off—“

“Oh–and remember the other time after NEWTS –”

Ok, so maybe they were. 

“Fine fine,” James waved his hands in the air, “—so what do you want? Do I need to swear we won’t use the dorms again, because I don’t think I can make that promise.”

Sirius turned himself on his side, sporting a grin so dangerous looking James had the urge to run. They both knew that with Peter and Remus on his side he was the essence of pure power, a rarity to have such an upperhand.  

“I just want to know if our sweet Lily got to finish—“

James' face flushed. Tosser.

“—But I don’t want to take your word for it,” he raised his voice,“Evans darling, would you say you were satisfied with Prongs’ performance today?”

James whipped his head around. Sirius must have seen her coming towards them earlier because she was more than halfway to the boys, stopped in her tracks. From around them, groups of students glanced over, knowing a good show when they saw one.

But if Lily was embarrassed, she didn’t show it. Her eyes sunk into slits.

“Why do you ask, Black? Do you need some lessons? I’ve heard your head is shite.”

[ryin-silverfish]

Hello, let's say I'm writing a fanfic, I wanted to know information about the Jade Emperor 👉👈 something like his personality? his role as emperor of heaven? sorry for the inconvenience.

Whoosh. It's one of those questions I hesitate to answer, because so much stuff are involved that it's hard to do it in a satisfactory manner.

First: the "Jade Emperor" name, or sth similar, is first mentioned in Tao Hongjing's Zhenling Weiye Tu, gained popular usage as a nice-sounding name in Tang poetry, and was officially merged together with the Heavenly Emperor sacrificed to by the imperial court during Song Zhenzong's reign.

Though the officially sanctioned sacrifice doesn't seem to continue past Northern Song, it has affected folk beliefs and vernacular fiction enough that the mass pretty much equated JE with the Heavenly Emperor, who rules over the celestial court in the same way a human emperor rules over the mortal one.

As such, it's very hard to pin down a "personality", because it's like asking "what's the typical personality of a ___ dynasty emperor": do you pick the best, the worst, the most significant, or the most mediocre as your exemplar?

Of course, you can still answer questions such as "What do the emperor's officials expect from him, what power do he hold over his subjects and what is the limitation of that power, and how's a good or bad emperor defined in creative works?"

So that's what I'll try to do for JE.

In religious worship, JE is certainly one of the more "serious" deities when it comes to attitude and rituals of worship, because of his status as the ruler of the celestial bureaucracy grants immense power over the life of regular mortals, and also, in a way, greater distance from the worshippers.

(Doesn't mean the folk celebration of his birthday isn't a grand, bustling affair, but there tend to be some restriction on the type of sacrificial offerings, the things you pray to him for, and the representation of his images in worship.)

The more organized Daoists put him up there with the Three Pure Ones, not necessarily in a hierarchical way. Some made JE the Three Pure Ones' subordinates, others one of the Three Pure Ones/their successor, and came up with an origin story for JE that was basically just a reskinned version of Sakyamuni's.

However, as we get closer to the folk side of things, JE tends to be the Big Honcho in the Sky, period. The top gods of the Daoist and Buddhist pantheons may be seen as equally or more powerful and competent, but their relation to JE is like that of venerable Daoist/Buddhist masters to the emperor.

Essentially, they'll be asked by the emperor to use their miraculous powers and solve problems, and given a lot of respect, but it doesn't mean they have any supreme political authority over the imperial court.

Which is kinda what you see in JTTW too. And bc vernacular literature both inspire and take inspiration from folk religion without being literal religious scriptures, JE can be just as benevolent, foolish, or petty as any traditional emperor.

As for his role: all the departments of the Celestial Court ultimately answer to him. This includes the Thunder Bureau (in charge of weather as well as divine justice) and other departments that control natural phenomena, the various stellar gods in charge of fate and fortune, the martial warrior deities with exorcist functions, and many, many more.

The bureaucratic division means he probably doesn't have to micromanage every tiny thing, but in vernacular novels, we do see him drafting orders for weather events, and gods involved in weather creation mentioning that they can only make a thing happen with JE's permission/can't go against official guidelines without consequences.

Oh, and also, in popular folklore, all the Kitchen Gods will go to JE and make report on their respective mortal households on the 23/24th of the twelfth lunar month, and return on the fourth day of next month.

Thus the customs of giving honey/sticky candy to the Kitchen God to make sure he can't say anything bad about your family to his boss.

However, just for fun: if you subscribe to the "1 day in Celestial Realm = 1 year in mortal realm" theory, the Kitchen Gods will be making one presentation every day by Celestial Standard Time.

And I can just imagine their presentations being the last hour a celestial official has to endure before they get off work, during which they nod, clap on cue, and desperately wish they are somewhere else.

(Happy Lunar New Year, btw.)

[fruitymachine]

Hey guys instead of thinking about Curly’s disability as a punishment what if we instead realized that even if you side with an abusive psychopath in any way you will still get hurt in the end and used? As in like being used as a scapegoat and the being an unreliable caretaker by starving you of communication and the humanity you still deserve to be treated with and being used as a simple pawn to further said psycho’s motives even when you tried your best to see the best in said abuser and a lot of the time put them above yourself.

Hey guys can we acknowledge how Curly was kinda a jerk but that doesn’t warrant constant pain from fourth degree burns and being degraded as a person?

Hey guys the nuance and the idea that you can still be a decent person while fucking up massively

Hey guys Anya told Swansea during that meeting in the cockpit and he didn’t kill Jimmy immediately either

Hey guys when you’re in a position in which you have to keep a group together, running over and killing your best friend will not keep people together and it will cause chaos, and not only that but being told your best friend is a “that word” can be shocking and most people need more than a day to process that information, which Curly only got a day

Hey guys this still doesn’t excuse his enabling over years and years but for the love of fucking god please stop equating him to a literal consent-ignoring, narcissistic pos who will kill others to look good, or still be seen in a good light?

I understand having emotions about such heavy topics but one of the main themes of this game is that people are human, and humans do shit sometimes man, nobody is perfect and unfortunately that sometimes leads to Jimmy’s living past the age of three, and I say this as a person who has dealt with some of these “topics” in multiple senses that people are allowed to be imperfect, mistakes do not make you a pos

Being Jimmy is❤️

[defectivehero]

Hi recently found your blog it’s so good! But was wondering if you could one where the hero lost there glasses in a fight maybe or just at home and the villain sees them idk take your pick possibly m x m? Ty even if not have a good day!

your wish is my command! (not really, but this is a great idea and you asked very nicely!) here you go, hope you have a great day <3

The hero has grown accustomed to working late night hours at the agency. He's grown used to being the last person in the office, to shutting the lights off and locking the door behind him once he leaves. The hero always feels guilty leaving right at his scheduled time, especially when his job can determine if a person lives as a bystander to a horrible event or dies as a victim. He begins to stay later and later into the night, and it becomes increasingly hard for him to tear himself away from the agency and his hero mask.

This overtime habit is how the hero finds himself hunched over his desk with rather painful crooked posture as he compulsively checks his computer for messages. His agency is one of the first to adopt a sophisticated messaging system that converts audio from emergency calls to text, which are sent as alerts straight to their inbox. The idea sounded morbid at first—the hero didn't want to equate life-saving to checking his email. But the system grew on him. It's convenient and easy to use, drastically improving the agency’s response time.

He squints at the screen in front of him, rubbing his eyes roughly when his vision begins to blur. He's tired.

Perhaps the hero’s exhaustion is the reason why he fails to notice a figure standing in the corner of the room, watching him. “Your eyesight is terrible.” The hero hears, stiffening in his seat and turning around to find his enemy, the villain, lurking in the shadows. It takes him a few moments to process the statement.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” the hero then huffs, blinking a few times as he realizes his eyes feel incredibly dry. His close-up vision is passable, so he's still able to do his job. His distance vision, on the other hand...

The hero has worn glasses since fourth grade. He experimented with contacts but eventually went back to wearing glasses. He's spent an ungodly amount of time in his life wiping his glasses clean with a cloth or pushing his frames further up his nose.

“I’m serious,” the villain sighs. “How can you even see out of these?” At that, the villain steps forward and holds out his hand, revealing a pair of glasses. The hero immediately recognizes the telltale blue gleam that distinguishes his glasses, and reaches out to his enemy. He almost expects the villain not to hand them over, so when the glasses hit the hero's palm, he raises his eyebrows.

"Thank you," the hero feels the need to say, when the silence stretches on to a painful tension. When he puts on his glasses, the blurriness around his vision clears and he can see the words displayed on his screen in sharp, clean strokes. The hero then stares at the villain, several questions on the tip of his tongue. How did the villain remember the hero had lost his glasses? Did he go back to retrieve them? And if so... why?

"It took me a few days to realize why you hadn't shown your face since our fight," the villain answers, as if reading his mind. The hero has to wonder how he grew so predictable. "After that, it didn't take long for me to remember that blow I dealt you—rather powerful, if I do say so myself—and the ensuing clatter of your glasses falling to the ground. So... I went back to the rooftop and grabbed them."

That answers the hero's first two questions. He is still left with the most important query of all: why?

The villain seems to telepathically understand this question too. He takes a slow breath in and ambles around the office in a carefree manner that makes it seem as if he owns the space.

"A win is more enjoyable if it's a complete victory," the villain drawls, tapping his fingers along a nearby desk. The hero has to wonder if his enemy has his power activated—if charred fingerprints will be left as remnants (as tangible evidence) of their encounter. "That means no cheap advantages or hinderances."

Ah. The villain wanted a fair fight—one unimpeded by the hero's poor vision. He supposes he can understand that. The villain is honorable above all else. The hero knows this about his enemy, has grown to accept it. Perhaps he should've intuited that motivation before bothering to ask.

The villain is still lingering, as if waiting for something. The hero's patience only lasts a few minutes. “Well, was there another reason for your visit, or…?” The hero asks, looking at him with sharpened vision. His glasses now provide him with a glimpse of the nuance written in the villain's form—the minuscule pull to his lips, the faded scars tangled around his hands. The hero is suddenly thankful to have his glasses again—but for entirely different reasons than before.

“That was it,” the villain says, his gaze turning scrutinizing. "Why are you in such a rush? Got a hot date?" The latter statement is spoken with a surprising amount of venom.

The hero raises his eyebrows. "A date?" He hums casually, his heart racing in his chest. He didn't expect the conversation to take such a sharp turn into such a convoluted and confusing subject. "At this hour? Of course not."

Something settles in the villain's expression. "Right," he says, something close to relief coloring his tone. "Then, I'll be seeing you." He remarks, turning on his heel and walking out the door. The hero watches him leave, a multitude of different emotions battling in his chest.

©2024, @defectivehero | @defectivevillain, All Rights Reserved. Reblogs are greatly appreciated—just don't steal or share outside of Tumblr, please.

tag list: @lateuplight @wit-is-wisdom @greengableswriting @whump-me-all-night-long @noawhite @rekhyt-of-arcadia @the-blind-one-speaks @sufferfictionalcharacters @basically-psyduck @alexkolax @subval01 @emerald-blade @felicia609 @surplus-of-sarcasm @ilickedanenvelopeandilikedit @a-chaotic-gremlin @unknownogre @prompt-fills-and-writing-spills @whatwhumpcomments @excusemeasibangmyheadonawall @agayprince @starsick1979 @a-lonely-little-ghost @agayprince @plum-tello

click here if you’d like to be on/off the tag list!

[dapperinsanity]

An aroace-spec’s personal thoughts on Alastor & Representation

This is purely my opinion and I wanted to share it as it’s been highly bugging me.

Personally, Alastor was always bad representation for me. If you feel like he’s good representation that’s fine! This is purely my opinion and I want to discuss some red flags I’ve noticed. It all has to do with the reasons behind why Al is asexual. I’ll make a small list of my main points and I will expand more on the points below later.

According to Viv Alastor is aroace because…

He was made to be a tumblrsexyman and then Viv thought it’d be funny to make him asexual.

While, personally, idgaf about fans shipping Alastor or making smut…Viv’s comment (“I don’t wanna ruin anyone’s fun”) before confirming his identity was just not it.

According to her own words, Alastor is too focused caring about himself (don’t remember if she used the word narcissistic but I remember mentions of narcissism) which is why he wouldn’t be in a relationship.

In the earlier years, we only knew he was asexual. Yet, everyone acted like it meant he was aroace. Which was fine but I need to point out that just being asexual is different from being aroace. This, in itself, isn’t a red flag. It’s how viv talks about his asexuality.

Ok, so I think it was recently confirmed he is aroace after his show va “slipped up” saying he was aroace and not asexual. I’m not sure but if he is, I only see his asexuality discussed amongst viv and other people involved in the show.

Why is the only asexual/aroace character a “villain”? I’m all for aroace villains and queer villains. It’s when you take other things that she has said, I can’t help but be suspicious.

So, why do I think Alastor being made asexual as a tumblrsexyman is a red flag? Well, him being ace and a tumblrsexyman isn’t bad at all. My concern is that Viv thought it’d be funny. Knowing the type of person viv is (bigoted, racist, transphobic, misogynistic, fatphobic, etc.) his asexuality is a joke. Also, let not forget about the fact that she doesn’t actually care about representation in general. If she did care, she wouldn’t be acting the way she is and wouldn’t portray her characters the way she does.

Secondly, her comment before confirming his identity on stream was…dismissive? I can’t find the correct word but her caring more about pleasing the fans, further proves my point in how she doesn’t care about actual representation. You know what she could’ve done? Confirmed it. The fans still could have fun doing whatever they want with Alastor in their fanworks. Its fandom. It’s not canon and fandoms are meant for works that don’t stick to canon. Like, you’re the creator and you decide on what’s canon because it’s your character…Bruh.

Third, she mentions that Alastor is too focused on himself to be in a relationship. First of all, asexuality doesn’t equate to not desiring a romantic relationship. There’s a difference between just being asexual and just aromantic versus aroace. Secondly, why is his asexuality related to his vanity/selfishness? If you don’t desire a relationship because you’re too focused on yourself, that’s not asexuality. Asexuals and aromantics are highly stigmatized and conflating his selfishness with his asexuality perpetuates aroace stereotypes.

Fourth, is the lack of discussion about his aromanticism. If he’s confirmed to be aroace, why do we only talk about his asexuality? Because being asexual doesn’t equal to being aromantic. One can be asexual but be in a romantic relationship and vice versa.

Fifth is the fact that the only aroace character we have is a “villain”. While I’m fine with aroace villains and queer villains, when you observe why Al is aroace, I can’t help but to side eye it. Aroace people are often stigmatized as heartless and cold or treated like a monster due to their lack of attraction. I feel like this only adds to the stigma.

So, yeah that’s why I feel like he’s bad rep.

[pluckyredhead]

It's time for more Fourth World thoughts! Previously I've covered the comics of the 70s, 80s, and 90s. Now let's talk about the 2000s.

Orion (2000): AHHHHHHH. If you read no other Fourth World book (besides Kirby ofc), please read this one. It is so good and it is so epic and Orion makes so many well intentioned bad decisions and suffers so much. I devoured all 25 issues in 2 days and immediately wanted to reread it. Writing and art are both Walt Simonson and he gives this book such tragic grandeur. He also does my favorite thing which is multiple slow-burning subplots, some of which lasted so long that I was afraid they wouldn't be resolved, but no, every loose end is wrapped up in a satisfying (ish) way by the last issue and I love everyone in this bar. And the art! THE ART!!!

So basically, Orion kills Darkseid (again lol) and becomes the new ruler of Apokolips, and decides he is going to drag this planet over to the side of good kicking and screaming, which...doesn't work out so well for him. Ultimately he winds up semi-accidentally in possession of the Anti-Life Equation, which allows him to completely control people, so he uses it to force people to be good, which...baby, no. This series is like 40% Orion whump, 35% Orion being a badass, 5% Lightray and Orion being blatantly in love, 5% Scott and Orion making dramatic gestures of brotherly devotion, and 5% Orion wearing a stupid hat that I unironically wish I could buy and wear.

It looks like his helmet! I NEED IT.

Also, during his Stupid Hat Era, Orion briefly acquires an orphan girl sidekick, and like...look at my icon. This is my GREATEST WEAKNESS. Simonson, why did you come for me like that???

I have only two quibbles with this series:

1. It's the early 2000s so the only female characters of any significance (besides the aforementioned orphan girl sidekick) are femme fatales who are drawn in ludicrously skimpy outfits and sex inch heels. Now to be fair, Darkseid wears a miniskirt, but the degree of cheesecake of these two characters was ridiculous.

2. The last issue reveals that Scott possesses the Anti-Life Equation naturally, and he once accidentally killed dozens of people with it, and he's tormented by both of these things. Which...the actual issue this story is told in is really good, and I think it's a really interesting idea to have Scott possess the Equation, but I don't love the idea of weighing down this optimistic character who values freedom above all with such a traumatic history of, uh, accidental mass murder. He already grew up in a torture orphanage! Hasn't he suffered enough?!

But honestly, the overall series is so good that I'll let it slide. PLEASE READ ORION (2000). THANK YOU.

Seven Soldiers: Mister Miracle (2005): This is part of a set of miniseries Grant Morrison did: there was Seven Soldiers #0, and then 7 4-issue minis, one for each of the Soldiers, and then the whole story concluded in Seven Soldiers #1. I only read Seven Soldiers and the Mister Miracle miniseries because I'm a ridiculous person when it comes to reading comics, but I'm not going to read 24 issues that have nothing to do with the Fourth World.

Anyway, the Mister Miracle mini is actually about Shilo Norman, not Scott, and it's pretty good, even if Shilo should know perfectly well who Darkseid and his entourage are. The surrounding issues were incomprehensible, but maybe they would have made more sense if I had read all the other minis. On the other hand, maybe not...this is Morrison we're talking about, after all. Anyway talk about making comics as inaccessible as possible. Great job, everyone.

Death of the New Gods (2007): I knew right away this comic was going to be dogshit because of a) the title and b) the fact that it's a tie-in to the worst event DC has ever published, Countdown to Final Crisis, but hoo boy, it is DOGSHIT.

Basically, some mysterious being starts murdering New Gods, starting with Lightray and Barda, the latter of whom is murdered in the kitchen - you know, where women belong. Scott then dons a truly idiotic goth version of his costume and the rest of the book is mainly Scott, Orion, and Superman flailing around aimlessly and failing to figure out who the killer is while everyone from New Genesis and Apokolips is slaughtered. It's a truly godawful murder mystery in which implausible suspects are accused at absolute random (the Forever People, the pacifist hippies! Orion, the least sneaky being in existence!) even though Superman deduces the killer (sort of) in #5 and tells the other characters, so there's no reason for them to still be trying to solve it.

Anyway at the risk of ruining this comic for you (impossible, it comes pre-ruined), the killer turns out to be the Infinity Man, but he's actually being piloted by the Source, which is eradicating the New Gods and harvesting their energy in order to create a Fifth World. In #7, a horrified Scott is like "But I've worshiped you all my life! Don't you care about any of us?" and the Source is like, "Eh." The most spiritual and reverent aspect of the Fourth World, and Jim Starlin came along and just dropped a little turd right on top of it (after, of course, blatantly copying Darkseid when he created Thanos).

The art (also by Starlin) is hideous, and the plotting is atrocious, as he desperately tries to stretch six issues of story at best into eight, plus dragging each issue out over 30 pages instead of the normal 22. Everyone is wildly out of character. The only vaguely good thing about the book is that Scott and Orion finally get to spend a significant amount of time together, but given the context, I really don't think it's worth it.

In conclusion: "rocks fall, everyone dies" turns out to not be a good idea for a story! Who knew!

Final Crisis (2008): Well, after 16 years of successfully avoiding this story, I finally read it. You win this one, Morrison.

I have avoided Final Crisis since it came out because it felt so emblematic to me of the worst of late 2000s DC: literally constant crossovers with histrionic stakes, characters being slaughtered left and right, whatever the fuck they did to Mary Marvel in this story. I know it has a good reputation, and if I'm being honest, I do think the first 5 1/2 issues of it are pretty good. On the other hand, if I wasn't very familiar with 2000s DC, I think this would be a very confusing book to read, the final 1 1/2 issues dissolve into incomprehensible, self-indulgent nonsense full of obscure characters and OCs randomly dropped in just to make it all harder for the reader. I'm sorry, I know many people consider Morrison's habit of writing comics that you need a companion volume, twenty Wikipedia tabs, and a Reddit forum to understand to be a feature, not a bug, but it infuriates me. It's like the structure of the Seven Soldiers series(es) up above. Aren't comics impenetrable enough? Must we gatekeep with every page?

Anyway the New Gods stuff: they're all dead, but all the evil ones managed to land on Earth as disembodied souls, and are possessing various humans. The only good one is Orion, who dies at the very beginning when he is shot by Darkseid in the future shooting him with a bullet that travels back in time. I love goofy comics shit but for some reason this one strikes me as real dumb. Also Orion literally died twice in the comic that was about all the New Gods dying, so...hm.

Anyway the evil New Gods take over the planet with the Anti-Life Equation, and again, the pacing and storytelling are actually really good for most of this. But there's also all the worst the late 2000s had to offer, like Mary Marvel in the WORST costume of all time and Supergirl flashing panty shots at the reader while they beat each other up and call each other sluts, or Tawky Tawny being beaten to a pulp before ripping out Kalibak's entrails. Tawky fucking Tawny. SIGH. Also they keep miscoloring Shilo as white. NOT GREAT.

Honestly at this point I'm like begging for the New 52 to happen and put me out of my misery, so...good job, DC? I want to go back to Orion (2000), that was great.

Next up: the 2010s! Which is all the New Gods books, they haven't had a series yet this decade. We're almost done, gang.

[sea-owl]

Have you seen the news about Michaela sterling? What are your thoughts?

I have, and I decided to sit on the information for a couple of hours before answering. Reminder I haven't seen the season yet but it's all over my dash so hard to avoid.

Initially, I was a little disappointed. Franchael is one of my favorites as is their story. I was also kinda hoping we get to explore the soilders more in this world since Michael is the only one of the lord husbands to be part of the army. By the shows own rules we would have to do a major rewrite to Michael's story for Michaela. By the shows own rules Michaela can't inherirt, and the merry rake persona wouldn't be that viable of an option either because of how easy a woman can be ruined. Now do they plan to have Michaela become a spinster as well so we have our third or fourth one or is she going to be a widow like Francesca by the time their season rolls around?

And this also brings up Francesca's infertility storyline. Is that going to continue or are they going to keep that baby with John so Francesca can keep running Kilmartin? Or are they going to go down the Featherington route where John leaves in his will that Michaela's son inheirts. Again that will bring back the question of Michaela getting married.

Now, like I said initially, I was a little disappointed because I was excited to see Michael on screen. Needed some time to process. And for those like me who are disappointed it is OK to feel those feelings and process them. Michael was a pretty beloved lead from the books. I kinda equate this to gender reveal disappointments. Mom and dad are expecting and then the gender of baby isn't what they originally wanted. Are they going to love their kid any less? Or are they less wanted? No. They still love their kid just need a moment to readjust.

Now let me be clear on this as well. Being disappointed is no excuse to attack the actress playing Michaela. Nor is it an excuse to send hate to anyone. Being disappointed and needing time to process is OK. Attacking others is not.

Onto Michaela Stirling, I'm sure Michaela's actress will do a wonderful job. I can see a few potential plot lines for Michaela. And I'm sure this question is gonna pop up eventually, too. For my writing, at least am I going to continue using Michael, or am I going to switch to Michaela?

I'll start by saying this isn't my first rodeo with something like this. I'm a little bit of a gamer and often with RPGs the avatars usually have a male or female option with a gender neutral name or male and female names. Like Tav on Baulder's Gate 3, Byleth on Fire Emblem Three Houses, Robin in Fire Emblem Awakening, the Pokemon franchise. For the fandoms they often just switch to their preferred or whatever the vibe is that day, what story elements they might be using. Another option I see but not used often is they kinda combine the two by making the character either Trans or genderfluid. Or my personal favorite, make them twins.

I'll probably switch depending on story vibes or more than likely make them twins. Francesca can have three Stirlings. Give her a why choose. I mean majority of the fandom agrees that modern day John, Francesca, and Michael would have worked out poly, we can throw Michaela in there too.

[houseofbrat]

I swear KP’s crack team is comms interns are reading this blog.

Trying to make Meghan Antoinette happen was a worse chance at succeeding than Cathy Antoinette being granted the right to issue Royal warrants. Unlike Cathy, Meggie is not a public servant and does not have access to tax free millions or funding from the Sovereign Grant.

Invictus Games kicks off today so besides the two irrelevant attendees, what stunts do you think KP have planned?

I'm not really interested in defending Harry's wife, and I'm not even going to defend her, but this article is really reaching!

No, I don’t want to be that person who comments every time the Duchess of Sussex posts on Instagram. Not me, no siree. Yet here I am again, unable to resist the siren call of her irresistible absurdity, drawn to this cyber porthole into Meghan’s psyche like a ghoul slowing down to feast on the gory specifics of a motorway pile-up. On Wednesday, the Marie Antoinette of Montecito took to Instagram for the fourth time since she relaunched herself on the social media site at the start of the year.

Remind me, Jan Moir, where you live in California and are able to judge the extreme wealth existing in the Santa Barbara area compared to Harry & his wife? Harry & his wife are paupers compared to the actual billionaires that live in Montecito.

"No, I don’t want to be that person who comments every time the Duchess of Sussex posts on Instagram."

I can't believe she began with that because it's so obvious she IS writing about Harry's wife every time she posts on instagram. Does she have nothing else to write about in her column? Slow news week in the UK? Really nothing else to write about except that nothingburger reel? Really?!

I saw that reel and my first thought was the Ozempic face. Scary. Everyone who saw that reel knows that she didn't need publicize her "good deed" for this teenager. It's nice she did what she did, but it's plainly obvious that she was looking for something to post about. She clearly has nothing to post about, and none of the celebrities she name checked in her reel responded to it. Just straight-up famewhoring.

But how does basic social-media famewhoring equate to Marie Antoinette? How? NOTHING in this article is Marie Antoinette worthy? Nothing in that instagram reel is going to cue pitchforks and a request for a guillotine. It's a lame reel where her desperation to be acknowledged & celebrated is full-on display. If you want an American celebrity who can be compared to Marie Antoinette, try a Kardashian. That would be actually on point.

Am I supposed to believe that the people who read Moir's column are completely ignorant of all the other super rich people in Montecito? Why would Harry's wife qualify as a "Marie Antoinette of Montecito" when Ted Sarandos's wife lives in Montecito. Yes, Ted Sarandos who made $50 million in 2022 alone and bought an expensive mansion from Ellen Degeneres that wasn't on markdown, unlike The Olive Garden monstrosity. Ted Sarandos's wife, Nicole Avant, would qualify as the "Marie Antoinette of Montecito" just due to the extreme wealth her husband has been given by his company.

But Harry's wife? She's an unimportant celebrity in the US. No one cares about her! NO ONE! Except her minuscule fan club. Columns like this make it look like the UK press is trying to make Meghan happen. Just like fetch!

No, you have to be an actual ROYAL with a lightweight career to make a "Marie Antoinette" accusation stick. Being just another celebrity in the SoCal environment doesn't qualify, regardless of how many haters she has. No one in the U. S. of A. is going to show up at The Montecito Olive Garden with pitchforks demanding her head. Hardly anyone knows she still exists, except those like Jan Moir who write columns to remind us of her existence and activities.

No, to really qualify as a modern-day "Marie Antoinette" you have to

be known for your exhaustive closet

be known as lazy

spend more time on your personal life than a normal person who works a regular job/occupation

solely focus on frivolous causes, i.e. feelings over food.

be an actual royal

have a vast majority of your country of residence hate you

Moir's vapid article struggles to connect Harry's wife to those basic points. Also, apparently Jan Moir has no idea what is actually going on in California and/or the USA because she seems to not realize that no one actually cares about Harry & his wife. They are nobodies in the US. They should be glad that they got a Vanity Fair cover recently because everyone forgot they existed and will go back to forgetting they exist!

Now, for KP & Kate, well...tell me, will Kate be wearing another pantsuit when she appears in public again? Sporting the kick-ass colors of black, gray, brown, or white? Or will she decide she can wear bold colors or pastels with her next pantsuit?

When you're getting columnists in the DM to use the "Marie Antoinette" accusation against someone most people forgot about, then you're telling me you're prepping for pr crisis without saying you're prepping for a pr crisis.

And to those KP folks who are reading this, start working on getting another job while you still can!

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Ok, something has been bugging me about Dain and his signet, and I want to talk about it for a second.

I was thinking back over Fourth Wing and Iron Flame to see if there were any moments where Vi consented to having her memories read, and not only was the answer no, somethig HELLA chilling popped up when I went back to check the text.

When Xaden explains to Vi that Dain has to touch someone's face to read their memories, her response is "...that's how he always touches me" (Fourth Wing, 450). I get that Dain's signet is secret and he can't just TELL Vi what he can do when he catches her immediately after she crosses the parapet, but one of the first things he does in that scene is take her chin (Fourth Wing, 32) in his fingers. He establishes a pattern of behavior, normalizes his touching her face as a habit. And yes, it could be argued that not touching her face would also give away his signet somehow, but as the person with knowledge, Dain is responsible for the ethics of using and setting patterns around his signet. He either had to just...NOT touch her face, which child be justified by not wanting to make her look weak or come clean. But Dain "my heart is a rulebook" Aetos does neither. And what does THAT do? It puts Vi in a vulnerable as hell position with someone she thinks she is safe with.

Even take the rebellion and Athebyne out if the equation for a sec. Vi almost certainly has memories that are just simply private. Not a massive secret, not a liability, just HERS. And for a huge part of the book, she is just letting Dain touch her face, potentially opening up memories she doesn't want him to know about to his signet. That is a power dynamic so absolutely fucky that I don't have words for it. And then we circle back to the reality that Dain did cross the line and try to take memories by force in Fourth Wing--and succeeding the one time we know about got Liam and Deigh killed. And this is just the main example that we know about. I'm not ruling out that there were other examples still to come to light; we have three books to go in this series.

I honestly also wouldn't have put it past Dain to do a quick memory check when he holds Vi's face at threshing before he kisses her (Fourth Wing, 191). He was NOT happy with Xaden for interfering, and I suspect he wanted a look at what happened without Xaden's input. This is purely my theory, there's no real textual evidence, but I am sus. He also cups her face again the day after threshing (Fourth Wing, 203), which is actively a worse choice I'd he slept on it and THEN checked her memories. I also find it wildly suspicious that the next time Vi sees Dain, she is with Tairn, who actively threatens Dains life if he comes within arm's reach of Vi (Fourth Wing, 215). We know Tairn knew things Vi didn't, so was he already preventing rebellion info from sliding to leadership?

Vi herself doesn't put a hard boundary on the face touching until Dain gets offended by Xaden accusing Amber of violating the codex and goes "gimme" (Fourth Wing, 244-245), but she sets it...for a while. The math on the Athebyne thing works out to Xaden telling Vi that's where he goes on page 391, and then Violet Goddamn Sorrengail gets nostalgic for Dain at the celebration with the king and everyone's parents and let's Dain cup her cheek again on page 405. Which is really goddamn tight timing when you think about it, because he touched her face at the beginning of this party, she and Xaden have their little tete a tete on the parapet, sneak off to have great sex for the rest of the night, and the next morning they are assigned to Athebyne. So Dain literally had to corner his Dad at the party and then Colonel Aetos probably spent the rest of the night changing the war game assignments and setting up Xaden's group to be killed.

Dain Aetos likes hard rules, but not ethics. This just gets even more screwy in Iron Flame, once Varrish gets his hooks in Vi.

If one wanted to be more generous than I'm feeling, one could say that Varrish was being polite about trying to get Dain to read Vi's memories in interrogation class (Iron Flame, 228-230), but honestly the motherfucker just saw an opportunity and rolled with it. And here is where Dain having the codex shoved far enough up his ass that it comes out his mouth is actually a win, because he rules-lawyered the spirit of the codex to refuse an order, but goddamn it was a close thing. This man was REACHING FOR VI'S FACE before he stopped himself.

I'm not like...surprised that Varrish isn't teaching our boy ethics, but I'm a little surprised Vi never called Dain's ass out for his lack of ethics regarding his signet. It's possible I read the Arrows of the Queen trilogy a few too many times though.

What Dain noticeably doesn't do the SECOND time Varrish drags him into an interrogation session with Violet is hesitate. Like he so fails to hesitate that VARRISH of all people has to remind Dain that he actually was taught ethics (Iron Flame, 316).

I think he deserves to experience everything Vi shows him, but the fact that it took THAT MUCH to get his head out of his ass? Yeah, no, we are not doing a Dain Aetos redemption arc.

Because when it comes right down to it, Dain was a) a shitty friend, b) absolutely godawful at ethics and morality, c) to married to rules for his own good, and d) knowingly put Violet in a vulnerable situation vis a vis his signet. Like...its a WAR COLLEGE. You're not running around touching people's faces on the regular anyway, just DONT. TOUCH. HER. FACE. Not before she knows about your signet at the very least, and probably not without her explicit consent after that, because here's the thing: at no point in Fourth Wing or Iron Flame did Dain EVER explicitly ask permission to touch Vi. He just DID it. Right from the beginning, after parapet, at threshing, and at the party, he just put hands on her without asking. And then in Iron Flame he's ordered to explicitly against her will, and as much as I love a good rescue, it does not excuse the massive ethical and consent breaches that have become a PATTERN with Dain.

So those are my thoughts about Dain, his signet, and ethics. All I can say is, I am still extremely not here for a Dain Aetos redemption arc.

[enby-dragoon]

So, I was scrolling through the Transmisogyny tag and found this picture. I tried to let it go, but it's stuck in my head, so I'm gonna talk about why it's stupid.

First:

"Trans + woman = 2 oppression. Trans - men = 0 oppression. Trans women and trans men are opposites."

First, I'm going to assume that the -men part is a typo, because it doesn't really make sense (it's supposed to represent trans men after all). I don't really like to reduce oppression to numbers (since it's more complicated than that), but I'll stick with it for this post.

Trans + woman = 2 oppression makes sense, trans people are oppressed and women are oppressed, that's two oppression.

Now, where it goes wrong is with trans + men = 0 oppression. This assumes (or rather, the creator of this image assumes trans women assume) that being a man cancels out their oppression, that they aren't oppressed.

This obviously isn't true, trans men factually experience oppression by virtue of them being trans, that's one oppression, but they don't experience oppression by virtue of being men (and if you claim that misandry is real, fuck off, i don't have the patience to listen to your bad faith arguments). thus, it should be trans + men = 1 oppression.

We can take this a step further actually, and add another axis of oppression to this little equation. Let's say we're talking about a black trans woman.

That would be black + trans + woman = 3 oppressions.

This person is more oppressed than me as a white trans woman, and thus I hold privilege over her, just as a white trans man holds privilege over me.

(side note, this is why I don't like using numbers for this stuff, because it implies I am the same level of oppressed as a black trans man, and it's much more complicated than that.)

Second:

"Gender/Sex essentialism."

This is... Kinda stupid too. society treats women one way, trans women are women, thus society treats us the same way. Reversed for trans men, society treats them as men. (this is together with transphobia of course, which rather changes how trans people are viewed in larger society, but that's the gist of it.)

Now you might have already noticed two important modifiers here. "Society treats."

These are not traits inherent to gender or sex, but rather ones that emerge from a society which, by and large, does subscribe to gender/sex essentialism.

Tma (Transmisogyny affected) people are not as such because of some innate biological fact, but rather because of how society treats us.

Tme (Transmisogyny exempt) people are not privileged because of some innate biological fact either, but still from how society treats them.

It gets more complicated of course, but this is a rant post on tumblr, so I'm not gonna go into that.

Third:

"Applying ur lived experiences to everyone else."

Not really happening (that I've seen at least, might be a few but they're not common), we're discussing our own oppression and creating words to ease communication of those topics. We're comparing our lived experiences together and talking about the patterns we find, not applying them to anyone else.

Fourth:

"believing people when they talk about THEIR experiences."

I've never really seen this. Not unless we count debunking misogynist ideas like misandry, but that would be stupid. Debunking homophobic idea's isn't ignoring homophobes lived experiences, it's debunking lies and scaremongering.

I'm gonna turn this around and ask: Why do you never believe us when WE speak about our lived experiences? Why do you not believe us when we talk about the oppression we face? Food for thought.

Fifth:

"Actually trans women and trans men are more similar than different, plus nonbinary + intersex experiences experiences make binarist thinking really stupid."

I actually agree with this one to an extent, a trans man will have experiences I'll never have, and I'll have experiences someone who isn't a trans woman will never have, but we are still trans in the end, and that does give us a lot of similarity, despite our other differences.

'Binarist thinking' here exists more to support the straw man that trans women think in binaries, and probably that Tma/Tme is a new binary instead of just explaining a phenomenon that already exists.

Fifth:

"All trans people experience the worst of both binary genders bc we are seen simultaneously as both failed men and failed women."

No.

There are a fair few who see me as a failed man, that's true, but they don't see me as a failed woman. they see me as a freak, a disgusting tranny who should die.

They don't see trans men as failed men either, just failed women.

Society at large does not accept us for who we are, not even as failed, broken versions.

Sixth:

"Transandrophobia is real."

After having this entire discussion, can we really say this honestly?

I'll reiterate for those who missed it at point one.

Transandrophobia isn't real, because androphobia or misandry, or whatever you call it, isn't real.

Transmisogyny isn't just a word for transphobia that trans women experience, it's the intersection between transphobia and misogyny. There is no such intersection for transandrophobia, so it isn't real.

(Sorry if I got some words wrong, english isn't my first language and technical discussion like this trips me up sometimes.)

[seeingteacupsindragons]

Thinking about William again (what else) and his flair for the dramatic, and I just really love how it’s done. So often in fiction, things will be dramatic for drama sake, because fiction is drama, and things with drama have more emotional weight to them. It’s…it’s what “Drama” is.

But in Yuukoku no Moriarty, William is not just dramatic because the confines of being a fictional character demand him to be dramatic at times. William is dramatic because he is dramatic.

He knows he is reenacting Shakespeare’s play as a child. He knows he is orchestrating a ridiculous farce and that it will make the best story if he does things the way he does. He knows plays and has them memorized.

He outright compares his Plan to a play and the people in it to characters and roles. He discusses things in terms of plot and story structure: and he does so openly. It’s not even as an authorial mouthpiece. It’s not tongue in cheek. It doesn’t break the fourth wall. It’s what he himself in the story itself is attempting, directly. It’s the way he thinks of his own actions and his own plans.

He is over the top and exciting to watch because he knows it will attract the attention he wants to what he is doing. He is playing with it and aware the entire time of this aspect of what he is doing (and possibly his personality, although I’m not sure he realized it was his personality and not a requirement for his goals).

It’s such an integral part of him to so many aspects. It comes out in the way he talks about things and thinks about things. It comes out in the things he’s read and quotes. It comes out in how he arranges things, and not only how he plans, but what he plans. It’s obviously intentional rather than a silly byproduct of existing in his story. It’s who he is, and who the author wrote him to be.

And it’s so interesting that a trait that could be one note or nothing at all really ends up permeating all the layers of his character and is shown in so many ways: William loves theatre. William loves drama. William loves fiction.

He also loves math, and math also changes the way he thinks about things and plans things and what he plans, what he's read and what he quotes. The way he thinks is ordered around the way fiction works, but also the way math works.

It's easy, you know, to keep a character trait confined to one part of them or one or two specific things they do. But Liam's aren't containable that way: they define him. And instead of trying to deepen his character by throwing in a different hobby or something, the authors simply took his personality traits necessary for the story and bled them through every part of him until they can't be cut out from his fundamental self.

It's a very different kind of character generation than a lot of people attempt, but I think it's one I tend to like more.

Liam is a freaking menace Shakespeare fanboy with theatre brain rot. Liam is a freaking menace mathematician with an obsession for balancing equations and counting numbers and sins.

And we love him.

[t00thpasteface]

I forgot if I've already asked you this question, but who is your number one favorite Fictional Antagonist from Media? Rules are as follows; feel free to ignore:

If you want to choose a recurring villain like Bowser or The Joker, you have to choose a particular incarnation of this character. Like Alan Moore's Joker or Paper Mario 64's Bowser.

Specific Characters/Entities Only. You can't say, "Haunted Houses that aren't haunted by, like, a single ghost or anything in particular" like my mom wanted to. She settled firmly on "The Overlook Hotel" and she's a stronger person for it.

Villainous Duos like Boris & Natasha are accepted.

People have a hard time picking a #1, so you're allowed to list as many runner-ups as you like. Listen to your heart.

Protagonists who are their own worst enemies don't count!

Villainous characters who are protagonists in their story are very begrudgingly accepted. Whether or not George Costanza (A Villainous Protagonist) or Detective Columbo (A Heroic Antagonist) count is beyond the scope of this paper.

Thank you for your time!

hmmmm!! that's a really interesting question to chew on actually.

i'm not usually drawn to villains or villain-driven stories, outside of games that necessitate it as a gameplay mechanic or genre staple a la mario games or your standard JRPGs. and i wouldn't call a glorified game mechanic a character if they really don't do much besides throw barrels at the player to jump over. porky and giygas are exceptions but honestly not much; they aren't very complicated characters, even though they're snappily written, and most of where they shine is just the fact that they're one well-placed load-bearing piece in a larger cohesive narrative. they don't really capture my attention outside of their gameplay role.

i'm overall much more compelled by Romantic with a capital R stories about internal, oftentimes more abstracted struggles. i mean, i don't have to tell you that my favorite books EVER are "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" and "The Great Gatsby," both of which play with deuteragonists as foils to the narrator that inevitably spiral and leave the reader with something of a thought exercise regarding the intersection of nature versus nurture, intent versus action, past versus future, et cetera. the characters themselves are symbolic of sociological concepts so much larger than themselves, and because of that, they can't truly be classified into "hero" or "villian", because the topics those books grapple with are so incredibly messy and morally-fuzzy that the characters who exemplify them must reflect that same complexity and nuance.

as soon as a story starts to veer towards "all our problems are caused by One Guy who we can remove from the equation forever," it usually loses me, or if nothing else it just makes me zone out when the villain and his evil army of doom is on screen until we're back to introspective character-building moments between the protags, deuterags, etc. i'm the boring guy who likes slow, dialogue-driven things more than flashy show tunes.

ALL THAT BEING SAID......

villains really only shine (for me) if they're funny as fuck. that's the one way they can really get my attention as a character that has, by definition, been written into a unilaterally negative role that must be booed. they get to be FUNNY! and they get to be my favorite kind of funny: insane slapstick funny. i like seeing cartoony villains get absolutely pulverized, thrown around like wet dishrags, set on fire, flung off cliffs, you name it. the zanier the better. so here's my own elite 4 in ascending order:

fourth is 2012 avengers movie Loki. very hammy, very showy, extremely puncheable face, and he takes SO much physical punishment and writhes like a worm the whole time. super fun.

third is pokemon's Archie. emerald is my favorite game but archie SHINES in alpha sapphire. he's such a huge personality and he takes hits with a smile. and then he gets a big fuzzy redemption at the end because this is a game for kids, but even that is so over-the-top cornball that i just laugh and smile the whole time instead of rolling my eyes. a good wholesome time was had by all.

second is Mr. Burns in the simpsons. let me preface this by saying i really don't watch anything after, ehhhh, i'd say season 8 or 9, because that's about where my box sets ended growing up. any episode where Mr. Burns gets some slapstick gags about his incredibly frail body that runs on pure evil is a good episode. i especially love "the springfield files," "homer the smithers," "homer at the bat," and "who shot mr burns" parts 1 and 2.

and my favorite is undoubtedly Sheldon J. Plankton. similar situation as simpsons; i don't watch anything after seasons 1-3 and the first movie. he commands every single scene he's in, which is especially impressive given that he's literally just a single tiny copepod. he's got the best villain laugh EVER. he's even a delight in the game "battle for bikini bottom"... you GOTTA check out BFBB Rehydrated if you like the spirit and snark of the early seasons. i love him in "walking small," "F.U.N.," "the algae's always greener," and of course, the movie. he's evil! he's diabolical!! he's LEMON SCENTED!!!!