#as an autistic man into bugs I want to hear him talk!

[rosenbergi]

The fact Gonta doesn’t get to info dump in his FTEs is a crime, that man is a category 4 autism moment waiting to happen and they didn’t let him info dump.

[river13245]

Hi! Hope your doing okay

I wanted to ask if you could do I fic with Dean Winchester x Male reader who is autistic and has a sensory meltdown? And Sam us freaking out not knowing what to do or what happened and Dean’s handling it like a pro. Season one episode 8 possibly? If not any episode is fine.

Thank you! Have a nice day!

The Bugs

Dean x autistic male reader

Another day means another case and as much as you loved traveling and taking down the supernatural. Today just already wasn't your day.

Your morning started out really good. Waking up next to dean who was holding you tightly against him was how you always wanted to wake up. You stayed in his arms for just a few minutes wanting to be close to him as long as possible. However what made you slip from his arms and out of the room was the fridge closing and a bag rustling.

Getting up and putting on one of your shirts and sweatpants you made your way into the kitchen. What you saw was Sam opening up a fast food bag that he must have went and gotten earlier. "good morning Sam" "good morning" he says before handing you a breakfast sandwich. You tell him a quick thank you before eating the food.

You knew that you didn't have much time before the three of you needed to leave for the next case that had popped up. So when you finish your sandwich you make sure to grab Deans before walking to your bed. Leaning down to place a kiss to the top of deans head you wake him up by shaking him gently. "hey get up and eat while I take a quick shower" He slowly wakes up and you put his sandwich on the bedside table.

Dean sits up in bed his hair barely a mess since he kept it short. However it is sticking up in different directions and his face looks softer than usual. "Want me to join you?" there was a slight tone in his voice and you knew he was joking. "shut up and eat. Any other time I wouldn't mind sharing the water but we have to leave and You took a shower last night"

He nods and eats leaving you to get ready. Once you get undressed and make sure the water is warm you step under the water. The water falls against you and it feels nice. However the repetitive noises got to you after a while. The small splattering sound it made as it fell against the bottom of the tub and the sound you heard as it came out of the facet.

Instead of getting frustrated and letting it ruin your day you made sure to hurry up your routine. The three of you were in a old hotel room so you wouldn't complain but man did the sound agitate you just a little. When you step out and turn the water off is when you let out deep breaths and manage to calm yourself down and get ready.

When you walk out the boys are already getting their shoes on and so you get your shoes and jacket on. Dean grabs his keys and the three of you get into the car. "so we have to go to a barbeque?" sam asks and dean smiles "absolutely. Just think about it, we get free food"

The three of you continue to talk for a while but you eventually to fall asleep. Which is something that happens alot on long car rides. and a few hours later Dean is waking you up while Sam is grabbing a few things from the trunk. "hey were here come on. Lets eat" This causes you to roll your eyes with a smile and get out of the car.

Walking up to the door you could hear a large crowd. This is not how you wanted your day to go. A lot of noise can cause you to have sensory overload. However you have been working on things to distract yourself so you are trying to be confident.

The door opens a moment after Sam knocks and a man walks up and he looks at the three of you and after a bit of talking he lets the three of you inside.

In the place and outside in the back there's a lot of people talking and just living their life. The whispers of so many people that are going straight to your eardrums are causing you to close your eyes. You were observant of many noises whether you wanted to be or not. But every little noise was overwhelming sometimes. However you distract yourself by talking to as many people as you need to. You even got some information out of it.

When the three of you all met back up to exchange data. You all left and began searching for more information and leads to figure out what exactly was happening in this town.

-----

The day is spent searching and sneaking into places to try to get to the bottom of this. and sure enough you guys have it figured out. The kid that was super interested in bugs was part of the problem. So Dean calls the kids father who was the man who was the owner of the place you went to just earlier that day.

When the man picks up and Dean says this lie to make up a story it doesn't go exactly how he plans and he hands up. You could tell that Dean was frustrated and frankly you were beginning to be. Your head hurt a little bit and you just couldn't understand why people couldn't just listen. If someone tells you that your family is in danger you would listen.

Sam sighs "gimme the phone" before taking it away from his brother and he calls the kid. Sam is telling the kid to make his father listen and trying to keep him calm about the whole thing. However Dean wasn't having any of that so he grabs the phone and starts telling the kid to lie. To lie to his father to get him and his family out of the house.

Tension is in the air but you don't speak. Instead you just put your hand on deans as he drives. There is not much talking until you arrive and when you do the door opens and the dad comes out yelling at the three of you. "get off my property before I call the cops"

Sam is the next to speak "mr Pike listen"

Then there's a whole lot of yelling and talking to try to reason with the man. It didn't look like it was going anywhere but then there's a noise that causes everyone to shut up. The sound is flying insects/bugs, whatever you want to call them. One wouldn't cause any alarm but when the sound is loud it causes you to cover your ears and look around.

The sight makes the man start running indoor to get his wife. There high in the air are hundreds or even thousands of bugs flying towards the house. There isn't much time so instead of leaving everyone goes into the house. Dean is the first to snap into action and he gets everyone prepared while Sam is helping everyone.

You are helping Dean find things to secure the house. Anything that he needs you've managed to find and hand it to him. everything seemed to be going the best it could until the bugs started coming in from the fire place. They swarmed you all and the sound went right to your ears and you covered your ears trying to block out as much as the sound as possible.

Dean was quick with a lighter and bug killing spray so that it created fire to kill them as quickly as possible. "everyone get upstairs now" he ordered and you stand there for a moment before Sam grabs ahold of your arm and pulls you upstairs with him.

When all of you are upstairs you pull up the ladder and for just a moment its quiet. There's no bugs and so you open you close your eyes for a moment just resting your head against the wall. Of course it doesn't last long. When does it ever. The bugs begin to eat through the ceiling and now they are swarming all of you again. You are quick to take off your jacket and draping it over the kid. "shield yourself as much as possible with it. Okay?" he nods and does his best and it seems to be helping him a bit more.

You huddle with the family leaving Sam and Dean to try to figure it out. The family took off their own jackets and started covering themselves up with it. Blocking the bugs as much as possible which was difficult to do. They were covered for the most part but you weren't so the bugs were gravitating towards you more.

The sound from all of them. The buzzing was starting to make you become extremely sensitive to all sound. You shut your eyes and took deep breaths but your body still started to shake. "fuck not right now" you said to yourself. Your legs soon started to give out and so now you were sitting on your knees swatting at the bugs that were flying around you.

You were like this for a long while until the sun started to come out. Which made the bugs disappear. You were sitting down with your hands on your ears trying to calm yourself down but you couldnt. The family start to get up and put down the jackets that were shielding them while Dean and Sam are helping them back downstairs. Sam is the first to notice you handnt gotten up so he comes over to you while telling Dean to continue helping them. "hey come on its over" he grabs ahold of your arm causing you to flinch back.

Sam is confused because hes never seen you like this. Usually you would already be with the family making sure they were okay. But here you were curled up in yourself shaking. "Man come on get up. We gotta get back to the room" he wasnt frustrated or anything just concerned as you went mute.

He calls for Dean and he instantly comes back upstairs and sees you. "I don't know what to do. He's just mute and shaking" Dean holds up his hand silently telling him to shut up before sitting next to you. When he speaks he does it quietly. "i'm going to hold you now okay" he doesn't wait for you to respond because he knows you aren't able to and so he just holds you in his arms for a moment. Your head rests against his chest as he runs his hands up and down your back lightly.

Sam goes downstairs talkling to the family for a bit making sure they knew what they were doing. Eventually you look up at Dean and he looks down at you. "you okay?" he asks and you nod. "yeah im okay just really want to go to the hotel and pass out." He laughs quitely before standing up and helping you up.

When the both of you go down Sam gives you a thumbs up and you give him one back. Sam knew about your autism but he had never seen you react that way before. You knew it wasn't his fault for how he reacted. The kid that you had given your jacket walks up to you handing you it. "its a bit ripped sorry"

You shake your head. "its okay just means it worked well. I'm glad you all are okay" He and his parents both tell the three of you thank you and then you all leave.

A while into the car ride is when you finally spoke. "i'm sorry for how i reacted back there. I should have helped more" Dean quickly grabs onto your hand and Sam puts his hand on your shoulder. "don't apologize for something you cant control. we will never think of you any different" Dean says and then Sam speaks "Also you helped so much. You were helping the family in any way that you could even when you were feeling badly. Thank you"

Sam squeezes your shoulder before sitting back and for once Dean doesn't turn on rock music. Instead he puts on soft quiet songs that make you fully relax.

The rest of the night is spent with fast food and cuddling in bed with your boyfriend. You have your head on his chest while his arms wrap around you. Neither of you speak because its not needed and eventually you fall asleep with him holding onto you.

[h0t-p1nk-ch33tah-pr1nt]

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

This is super self indulgent ;; but this is mostly from my experience as a autistic lady, so it might be different from yours 💕

Hobie x Fem!Autistic Reader ☆

☆ I feel like this man has grown up around autistic/neurodivergent people but didn't realize.

☆ He honestly adapts pretty easily! If one of his friends needs space, he gives them it, needs a hug you bet your ass Hobie will wrap them stick bug arms around them.

☆ Has picked up on some stims, he likes vocal stims, likes to repeat noises or phrases he heard or repeats from her. He also really likes touching.

☆ This can depend from person to person and how they feel but if say like something bad happend at work, she needs a hug to ground her and he's always there, he gives great hugs.

☆ Could literally wrap around you like a koala to a stick if he wants to.

☆ THIS MAN IS SUCH A GREAT LISTENER.

☆ Hes a dork, loves to hear about your interests, what's bothering you, or what you did this morning.

☆ He wants to know everything because of his own interests, but he'll try to do his own research on your interests to bring it up in conversations.

☆ I love to think he has a interest in music and building stuff. He'll always try to intertwine your two's interests.

☆ But he also picks up on a lot of stuff.

☆ From how she shuts down, or how it's overwhelming. He will always try his best to comfort her.

☆ if she goes non-verbal, he is so patient. He did have his moments of trying to get you to talk because he didn't know what to do, but he's trying his best.

☆ Is always trying to make her laugh, meltdowns get super violent and extreme sometimes, but he's always trying to crack a soft joke to make her at least weakly smile.

☆ He does have his own sensory shit to deal with, he's almost gone deaf if he doesn't use earplugs and prefers to wear headphones in public cuz it makes him more comfortable.

☆ If you also have issues with sound, he has gladly made or got you another pair of headphones.

☆ He has fought ablelists.

☆ In general he is so sweet and accepting, he is still learning about everything, but he is always down to support you, help you and lend a ear.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

[miniimapp]

Aaron X shy autistic reader who likes to give him rocks and random things they find like dead bugs as affectionate(and there physically affectionate too)

-🐞Anon

Genre ;; Headcanons - Fluff

Warnings ;; None

Proofread + Edited ;; Barely

Auth. Note ;; sorry for the late reply !! was v sick writing this so pls forgive mistakes and the shortness

wasn't sure which aaron you were requesting,, so i just did both lmaoo

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Aaron T - Bug Kid 4 Life

babe,, you have met your mirror in T fr

ultimate bug kid

though, he's not the fondest of spiders but who is ??

(except Tae,, but we all know he doesn't count)

he'll find you squatted down buzzing over some of the surface creepy crawlies and will immediately join you

in fact, most times you could probably find him out there before you, staring down at them

T's the type of guy to roleplay with the bugs too, adopting some haughty voice and telling the bugs how uncivilised they are compared to him

he knows it makes you laugh too

everytime he does this, his regal character becomes more and more over the top

like,, crazily so

my man is not, however, a geography fan

geology even less so

T has never met an ignatious rock before and he never cared to before, but hearing you talk so passionately about them has struck up some kind of interest

wait its not ignatious ??

BABE!! what was the fire type rock called??

yeah,, fire type rocks are his favourite, the uh igneous ?? yeah,, igneous ones

yeah, he's only interested in "fire type" rocks, because they're obviously the coolest and most powerful

he could listen to you talk about igneous rocks for forever

other rocks too, but man,, does he love an igneous rock

if you don't already have a rock collection, you're gonna want to start one because as soon as T learns your favourite type of rock ??

oh,, it's OVER, he's picking up every cool looking rock he sees, asking if it's your favourite type and handing it over immediately if is and going to his hunting if not

it's crazy, T is set on building you a rock collection

you guys also for sure have a pet rock, and his name IS Rocky

bffr what else could it possibly be ??

come on now

Rocky is also the first rock you ever gifted T

the one you gave him a few weeks into dating

he takes Rocky out on all your adventures and on tour, so he has a piece of home whenever he misses you

in T you have a kin spirit, a fellow bug kid and rock enthusiast (but especially fire type)

Aaron Z - Confused but He's Got the Spirit

i'll be honest babe,, Z didn't get it at first

honestly he still doesn't really get it

but 'getting it' doesn't matter to him all that much

because whether or not he understands why your love language consists of "look at this cool bug!!" and "here's a rock, it's really smooth",, he loves how much joy these things bring you

if picking out the best rocks as gifts for him is how you convey your love

if infodumping about your favourite bugs integral role in the local ecosystem is how you show your trust

then he's content with whatever rocks you throw his way,, and whatever creepy crawlies you let crawl over your hands

and honestly i feel that's a huge show of respect and trust on his part too

bc Z isn't fond of bugs

just straight up is icked out by them

but because they interest you,, he's more than happy to sit with you as you pick them up to show him

without word of complaint, he'll let bring you them closer to his face than he'd normally prefer

he's someone who enjoys when his partner gets passionate

when they get caught up in an interest and fall into a ramble

Z is a listener,, and he'll pay close attention to the things that excite you the most about your interests

the bits that make your eyes widen and shine, the bits that have you speed talking in your excitement, or slowing down down to really focus on them

he'll pick out those parts and make sure to have questions about them, just so he can hear you tell him more about your interests and passions

so,, while he may not fully understand these parts of you, he more than wholeheartedly accepts and loves them because he loves you

all of you

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hope you enjoyed <3

[rocksibblingsau]

I agree with the cloud guy part! His just so annoying and hearing that they actually think his helping him is making me mad now.

I don't watch the show but there was that one episode in TBGO that I actually watched on TV and it made me genuinely angry, and just frustrated, I really relate to Branch because Cloud Guy just went on to make himself at home in that episode without consent nor permission from Branch and continue to harass him in his own home! Also in Trollstopia I saw a clip of Cloud Guy continually hurting him with the lightning bolt and other things and it made me upset and just mad, like what did he even do? Why is he still a punch bag for CG when his not even a grouch anymore, his just being a jerk to him and I just want to see him face some consequences because his just so annoying.

I also agree with the Gary part as well, he hasn't had any interaction with anyone so it make sense why he'd talk with an inanimate object, it's also kind of his comfort item which I find adorable. I also talk with inanimate object when I was young as well and I find it relatable. I'm not autistic (nor understand much abt it) but Branch does give off that autistic vibe.

Man I really wish I could send some fan art but unfortunately I can't do it anonymously. Which sucks :(

I do wonder If you can draw though, cause if you can I really wanna see how you in vision Branch's look in your fic. Sorry if this is long, I really wanna get all my thoughts in one ask.

---- DumbTruck

Ruining someone's home is especially frustrating to me as a neurodivergent person because my home is the only place where I can feel 100% relaxed. Even if I'm staying with a friend, I still feel like I'm stuck in socializing mode even alone in my room. Heck, sometimes someone being in my living room while I'm in my room stresses me out.

Yep! I'm also a lil bugged by how they handle Gary (that episode where the group steals Gary) but I'm glad Branch had his comfort object!

I'd love to see whatever you draw! I'm not sure how many anonymous options there are but I think you can submit to something like imgur and send the link? Sorry, not very well-versed with submitting!

I don't draw, but the current design for Branch is similar to his child grey design with 3 main changes: -He has leather boots on nearly constantly -He wears a pair of leather gloves -He now has swapped his shorts for patch pants

[clunelover]

I’m working today, FIL supposedly leaves today, and then I have one more full day at the cabin without him. Of course this is coinciding with the point in the vacation where everyone else misses their stuff and just wants to go home.

I know I complain every time I see FIL so I’ll try not to rehash things I’ve already complained about, and really the fact that he doesn’t believe in medicine and does believe in past lives is just whatever since he doesn’t try to talk us out of our beliefs, but overall what makes me the most mad and less interested in just putting him into the "kooky old man, mildly annoying but we love him" bucket, is how he claims interest in grandkids and then comes to visit and seems to pretty much ignore them. And not just ignore them - will keep going with a long rambling FUCKING POINTLESS story, while one of the kids actively needs help.

Like, after C’s first venture down to the river he walked back to the cabin and was covered with sand, and cold from wet swim stuff - so, experiencing kind of a sensory nightmare as an autistic kid. I’m spraying his feet with a hose, while he tries to simultaneously yank off his wet swim shirt and trunks, he’s crying and half nude and about to fall over, I’m crouching and spraying and trying to help him focus on one thing at a time, and here comes FIL and says "hey do you have the bug spray handy?" I said "I DONT KNOW WHERE ANYTHING IS" …what I meant was "can you not fucking SEE I’m occupied with something more important?" But I can’t quite say that even at my angriest. There were many more such instances - like, coming to ask Jeremy pointless questions loudly while he was in the middle of putting C to bed…etc. Oh and he has never ever gotten E’s pronouns right despite many explanations both calm and shouted, and assurances from him that he DOES understand.

Now granted, my dad has almost never either. That’s a whole other post and I’ve actually been chewing over the kind of conversation I want to have with him. Like, it’s been over a year. "I’m confused by this" just isn’t going to fly anymore. Why do I only hear about why it’s hard for YOU and not anything like "what’s it like for E to be nonbinary?" Or "what’s it like for you, my own daughter, to navigate things with a child who is nonbinary?" (The answer to which would be "basically fine except for dumbasses like you?")

[spencermyangel]

Prompt: Spencer is worried about talking too long when Hotch leaves. Maybe with him talking to Luke about it.

CW - Ableism

“Hey are you okay?”

Spencer glanced up from putting his files and books in his bag and gave Luke a questioning look, “Yeah… Why wouldn’t I be?”

Luke paused, “you seem nervous, on edge, at times.” Luke had noticed Spencer being hyper-aware of when he was talking, and he would look around the room as if he were searching for something.

Spencer gave Luke a questioning glance, causing Luke too elaborate, “when you talk, you seem anxious.” 

Spencer stilled and after a moment slowly lowered himself into his seat. Luke pulled up his own chair and waited for Spencer to speak. 

“It’s just,” Spencer paused and shook out his hands, “Hotch.” 

“Hotch?” Luke questioned, brows furrowed. Hotch had left the team a few cases ago, so how could he be bugging Spencer? Or maybe it was the fact he had left. Though no one told him, Luke was almost certain Spencer was autistic. Maybe the change was hard for him. 

“He would help me.”

“Help you how?” 

“He would always help me to know when I start to rambe to much. Uh, people, even the team,” Spencer muttered the last part, “can sometimes get annoyed if I talk too much. Hotch always helped me with that, even if just by giving me a little tap or signal.” 

Spencer began to rock and his fidgeting with his hands increased, “I’m not good at knowing when I’ve shared enough, I have to pay extra attention. That’s why I’m nervous, I don’t want to annoy anyone. I feel lost without him.” 

Though Spencer tried to hide it by ducking his head, Luke saw the tear that had escaped his eye. “I just wish I could be normal,” Spencer finally confessed, a defeated tone to his voice. “It’s so easy for everyone else, why is it so hard for me?” 

Luke watched the insecure man with sad eyes. “Spencer, you’re not like everyone else. No one is. You’re amazing and it doesn’t matter if you struggle with certain things.”

“It annoys people. And It embarrasses the team,” Spencer simply stated. 

Luke bit his lip. He wished he could assure Spencer that wasn’t the case, but he couldn’t. They would both know it to be a lie. Luke had witnessed the frustrated huffs from the team when Spencer rambled, or stimmed to obviously, even when he didn’t understand something.

“It doesn’t annoy me,” Luke offered as comfort instead, “I like hearing you talk. You’re so smart, it’s interesting to hear what you have to say.” 

Spencer looked up with watery eyes, “really?” 

“Really” Luke told him, “I want you to know you don’t have to worry about those things around me. But if it would make you feel more comfortable, when we are around other people I could give you a signal. Like a little tap or something?” 

Spencer smiled, “I’d like that a lot. Thank you, Luke.” 

Luke returned Spencer’s smile. He was happy to be able to help, but he hoped one day the team would be understanding enough that he wouldn’t have too.

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[sillysadduck]

honestly i'd love to hear ur headcanons about the dhmis teachers ::::D

HELLO FRIEND! Ughh I'm so mad I couldn't answer this ask before but tumblr genuinely wouldn't even let me open it at first:( I think I posted about that issue- I was also offline for a few days but im back <:D

IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED♡♡

These are my hcs for the og teachers, if you want to see the ones I have for my human AU too let me know :)

general hc for all of them: all of them dislike kids, except for Steak, and some of them suck at interacting with them.

Paige/Sketchbook:

-Their voice sounds a bit uninterested and annoyed in the first episode and I think they genuinely were.

-Got scared when things got weird. They weren't expecting all of that to happen.

-They're friends with almost all of the other teachers. They get along the best with Tony. They're a bit scared of Steak tho.

-They actually don't know shit about art, they just pretend to know💫

-They love to annoy Tony, they find it funny when he gets mad at them.

-They draw on themselves.

-They don't like using their legs most of the time, but they can. As seen in episode 6 they're just little black sticks like their arms.

Shrignold:

-More of a general hc but he worships the Malcom statue as a representation of the actual Malcom. Malcom is actually something among the lines of a God so he can't be seen or touched in reality.

-He has internalized homophobia, but he's gay himself. He just wouldn't act on it, it's against his beliefs.

-He's actually really good with kids. Thats how he got Yellow's "Special One" to join his cult.

-Doesn't mean he likes them, but he's an amazing manipulator.

-He will preach to anyone and I mean ANYONE, I do think he genuinely convinced Paige and Tony to join him by just talking with them.

-He's not aware of some of the creepy members of his cult (furry boy I'm looking at you) but he doesn't care either.

Tony:

-I actually posted a doodle of this but he hangs himself on the wall and behaves like an actual inanimate clock when he's mad at someone 💫

-That someone is Paige 80% of the time bc theyre annoying

-ANGER ISSUES

-Autistic!!

-He has no patience, asking him a question is like asking your dad to teach you math. He will yell, slam his hands against the table, get frustrated a hundred times and then he will apologize only if he feels like it.

-Not a good teacher at all, but he's good at keeping normal conversations. Just don't ask him any deep questions.

-The others don't understand him. Everyone considers him hard to deal with because of his short temper. He gets along the best with Paige and Colin.

Colin:

-Also autistic bc how could he not be

-Actually knows the darkest parts of the "digital world"/internet but just like in a common computer you won't get easy access to those.

-He was Roy's computer! He's a fairly old computer, Roy stopped using him when he became glitchy and only brought him back for the show.

-Is super slow most of the time, using him as an actual computer is frustrating.

-Yellow can use him to play old computer games tho, and he will if given a chance.

-Gets mad at Red preferring Laptop because Laptop is not glitchy, it makes him feel replaced and frustrated.

-Scared of bugs, no joke intended

Steak/Lamp chop:

-Literal BBQ dad

-The other teachers find him intimidating bc bro is huge.

-Spinach Can and Bread Boy are like his kids! And Fridge is always by his side, nobody knows if they're in love or just buddies.

-He doesn't speak to any of the other teachers or the main trio most of the time, he's happy with the healthy gang and feels like he doesn't need more than them.

-Spinach really looks up to him, they never leave his side. Steak will carry them everywhere and tell them bad jokes.

-Yellow wants to be picked up by him all the time, he doesn't find him scary, he just saw he's tall and now he wants up.

Larry/Lamp:

-Man was DRUNK while he was singing about dreams.

-Can't form coherent thoughts, ever.

-Shrignold loves to be around him bc he always listens. Truth is he's always kind of lost inside his own brain so that makes him a good listener.

-He's really strong physically but he's not aware of it, Yellow was really hurt when he grabbed him by the arm.

-He will fall asleep anywhere and anytime. He doesn't even care.

-He uses Colin as Google by asking him lots and lots of questions.

-No one can stand to be around him when he gets philosophical. And I mean no one. Not even Yellow. His philosophical questions don't even make any sense.

Bonus main trio hcs:

-Yellow is autistic and has ADHD :)

-He loves to be picked up!

-ofc he's a puppet but I hc him to be somewhere between 4 and 8 instead of being 48😃 bc... [SPOILER AHEAD] no way he went from being 38 to being 48 the same day on wakey wakey.

-Red is also autistic.

-He learned Yellow will stop crying if he carries him. So he does.

-Sometimes he'll sleep on his bed with him too if that means he can help him sleep better.

-Duck reads bedtime stories for Yellow.

-If he's talking too much Red will pick him up by the scruff of his neck as a kitten as a sweet and silent way of telling him to please please please shut up.

-He has a short temper, just like Tony.

This got super long I'm sooo sorry I just love talking about them </3

[xxghost-zombie-jesus]

BJTM Headcanons

copy and pasted from my ramblings on discord between my friend and i so they may not make sense, i don't care. enjoy!!

first, a joke that's not really a joke. iykyk

Charles: What are your pronouns Beej: What's a pronoun? Delia: Indicative but not exclusive to your gender identity Beej: Stop swearing at me Delia: Can we refer to you as they/them? Beej: But my name is… well I can't say it but you all know it. Charles: Lydia, what are Mr. Juice's pronouns? Lydia: Oh, I use He/Him for him, he doesn't really care though

He/they beej all the way, nonbinary king. he's a demon for one, and also just doesn't actually care what people call him as long as they see him, also also he will wear whatever he wants, it's all just clothing to him. in my brain beej is like "idfk what a pronoun is and i am NOT about to learn" and then, post!musical rambling ahead: so like, if beej comes back after the events of the musical, and like, yknow, they all talk and apologies go around bc no one is really w/o fault even if beej went on a little hissy-fit and almost killed them all (and was killed in return), i like to imagine they struggle w/ what to call him bc hearing his name said by breathers is like a physical tugging in his chest, and it's not painful, persay, but it's uncomfortable and attention-grabbing. And I'm sure he doesn't really want people calling him Lawrence for a few reasons (only Juno calls him that, for one, and also he doesn't look like a Lawrence), and while Lydia would have no problem calling him BJ, im sure others have their reservations bc.... the other thing that stands for LMAO so yeah, he goes by like, Beej, BJ, Beetle, Bug, Mr. Juice (when Charles is really annoyed and/or is one of his rare times of teasing the demon), B-Man (by himself), etc and only when they're out in public where other people can see him is he ever called Lawrence because he's kind of under the cover of being Lydia's older brother who came home from college, and no one really wants to explain what Beej/BJ stands for

also, he's not great at spelling in english, the rules change too much for him to keep up and also he never really cared, and he's not the best reader out there, but he's pretty fucking good with history (hey, he lived through it!), and also math, surprisingly to everyone, including himself. He wants to be good with science but the last time he thought about it they hadn't even come up with the Big Bang theory so he's… a little out of the loop. ((he's fluent in Death and in whatever language demons use, though, but it doesn't exactly translate to english, hence why he spells his name Beetlejuice when it's supposed to be Betelgeuse like the star. i imagine he's pretty good w/ like, Olde English because that's what it was when he was learning it, but it's been modernized and he's just like "fuck it spelling correctly is for chumps and grandmas anyway")) also isnt that sad? he's named after the second brightest star in Orion's belt, meaning the self-proclaimed "Ghost with the Most" will never be the best

oh another thing, beej sometimes repeats things in 3s, as kind of a callback to his curse (his name being said three times), autistic/adhd swag makin me repeat shit i say multiple times sometimes and i am totally not projecting, and also because echolalia is a bitch that i too deal with. Lydia does it too, but only once or twice, and the two sometimes get stuck in an increasingly amusing feedback loop of repeating the same dumb word back and forth until one of them snaps out of it basically once delia walked in on Beej and Lydia playing mario-kart, repeating, "bababooie" back and forth and had been doing so for 10 minutes, and continued to do so for another 5 before Delia stepped in and got their attention beej and lydia BOTH got that autistic swag, sue me. also beej probably also has ADHD but i may or may not be projecting on that front <3 idk i just like to think that beej and lydia are both just unapologetically autistic together and when people try to be rude about it to one of them the other is like "i'll literally fucking kill you and no one will ever find the body <3"

oh and i personally will be using 'beetlejuice' as the spelling for his name except in very certain circumstances (ie someone uses his true name for any reason and/or when things are being spoken about in demon tongue. i like to think beej personally butchered the spelling bc he KNEW it would piss his mom off and he was right because it DID piss her off to high heaven)

[ghostietea]

Furuba autistic headcanons

With it being April, or autism acceptance month, I wanted to finally drop my list of characters from Fruits Basket that I read as autistic! This is based a lot on my own experience, as well as that of other autistics I know or have seen talk online. I hope some people can get something out of it, feel free to tell me what you think 😊, though please refrain from getting upset that I would dare suggest your fave is autistic.

Hanajima

Before becoming able to better control her powers, she would be constantly overwhelmed by the things she heard to the point that she couldn't even really go out in public. This reads a lot like sensory overload.

Constantly picked on in school because other kids thought she was weird. Eventually reclaimed this weirdness and turned it into a whole persona.

Seems to talk usually in a relatively flat tone.

Had trouble socializing with no friends outside her family until middleschool.

Has a very funny, dry sense of humor that I find very similar to a bunch of autistics I know, including myself.

Hatsuharu

Listen. You have seen the funky little man, you have seen the way he talks, the way he acts around others. He is, and I mean this in the best way, a weirdo. I do not know how you could look at him and see a neurotypical.

Once again, like Hana, Haru is funny in a way that feels very autistic.

Very flat, dry, tone delivery. Sometimes just Says Things that make everyone else go huh??? Suuuuper blunt. Doesn't emote facially a lot of the time.

When this man sees a social norm he doesn't get he WILL NOT follow it. Pierces his ears just because his hair got flak, defends Momiji wearing whatever he wants because sometimes y'know the social rules are just dumb and don't make sense. Especially dress codes.

Sometimes says things not befitting the current tone of the situation.

Represses (masks) a lot of his emotions, leading to outbursts that seem uncharacteristic.

His main childhood trauma revolves around adults branding him as "dumb" and ridiculing him. Haru, however, is super smart and wise!! Just in an offbeat way that not everyone may get.

Machi

Reads as very "flat" emotionally to the point that others would call her boring. Also has a flat vocal delivery.

Relies on specific habits or ways of doing things or else she gets super upset (her hatred of imperfection.

Has trauma surrounding adults completely misconstruing her intentions and thinking she's doing something malicious when she's not.

Generally behaves in a way that's hard for others to understand, one of her formative moments with Yuki was him saying he wanted to "see how the world looks" through her eyes.

Once again, trouble socializing.

Tries super hard to please her parents but in the end they still see her as somehow inherently "defective."

Listen. A lot of this one and the last two are mostly vibes, hard to verbally define. You just have to look at them and trust me.

Tohru

Displays behavior very reminiscent of masking throughout the story, a huge part of her arc is about how she hides a lot of herself and has a very controlled persona. I think it would fit very well if she had other autistic behaviors that she suppresed also it helps explain why she is relatively socially adept, it's learned behavior to make people like her more.

Yes she is very good at saying what others need to hear, but especially early on she is pretty blatantly imitating her mother's words. She only gets better at getting through on a more personal level later on (see her with Rin and Akito v. early series Tohru). She does this by relating her own experiences, a very autistic way of showing empathy that often gets us written off as self centered. The way she relays things her mom said could also be seen as this, and she even worries at a few points that she's being insensitive for going on about things like that.

While emotionally repressed she is hyper empathetic and feels other's emotions so strongly she cries.

Her speech patterns are all imitated from her father and she often copies verbal things from others (see Ritchan-san). Noted in canon that people think her way of speaking is slightly off/not befitting of someone her age. Additionally, her father was polite more sarcastically, while she plays it straight and sometimes takes things very literally or fails to get the message, indicating trouble with reading tone. Has numerous strange verbal tics, including saying parts of her internal monologue out loud without context.

Very expressive with her hands including waving them around and flapping them up and down.

Does have a bit of trouble with accidental insensitivity in social interactions, like how she constantly fixates on her mom and realizes that might bug the Sohma.

Has trouble paying attention in school since it doesn't have much to do with her interests

Her only friend until she was a middle schooler was her mom

Has a pretty unique outlook on things compared to others, people seem to think she's pretty eccentric. There's always a "this girl is nice but in an odd way, she's our weirdo and we love her" vibe.

Sometimes has an "inappropriate" emotional response to situations

Has a lot of trouble with change, similar to Akito. Which oh, look at the time, next hc coming up.

But first, a disclaimer. It is cathartic for me to read Akito this way, but with that reading comes the baggage that she would, mayhaps, be showing a more negative side of things... It doesn't bother me since it's a joint hc with other characters and she does develop at the end but yeah, general villain hc baggage. This is in no way me trying to excuse her being The Worst being autistic doesn't absolve you of being able to do wrong . Also, a lot of these points can and do have other explanations related to her upbringing, but things can be for more than 1 reason. With that said, she really strongly comes off as autistic to me, in a way that's sorta hard to explain. I wrote a lot more for her than the other, both because I felt I needed more to convince people and that this headcanon was more sensitive and I needed to be careful in my explanation. Also hey! She's my special interest within a special interest.

Akito

Shown to have a dislike of summer weather due to heat and brightness, could be due to sensory issues in tandem with sickness things. Also covers her ears when people raise their voice sometimes which is partially her trying to shut down opposition but also 🤔 can read a different way. She'd also avoids louder Juuni like Ritsu and Ayame because she can't handle them.

Wears pretty much the same outfit every single day. Said outfit is also pretty loose fitting.

Always seen sitting in a pretty unconventional way. Evidence:

Of course this is also the isolated in a cult thing and there is a level of her purposefully doing things to intimidate but: doesn't follow a lot of social rules (overly touchy with strangers, legit doesn't get that what she's doing is wrong, ect.). Repeatedly confused when people indicate she should act otherwise without explanation. Has a breakdown when this comes to a head and approximately says that "they" shouldn't expect her to know "common sense" if "they" never explained it to her, that the way that she was was her "common sense."

Often talks in a way uncharacteristic of her age when shown as a child in a more faux mature/pretentious way. Might just be the translation and idk how to explain it but her speech as an adult also seems off from what one would normally use in conversation. Additionally, when she tries to fake being friendly in her intro chapter, it comes of as extremely stiff and unconvincing.

Generally displays behavior that could be thought of as childish as an adult, but a lot of this behavior could also read as autistic (covering ears, emotional deregulation and meltdowns, ignorance of basic social norms, ect.). It's also important to note that she knows that this behavior makes her seem younger and more helpless to the older zodiac and uses it as a manipulation tactic. Has issues regarding people treating her like a child or only hanging out with her because of pity. While she does weaponize it, we can tell that this grates on her, as seen with her finally blowing up on Kureno, which is partially triggered by the maids saying some sorta infantalizing stuff about her. Irl, a lot of autistic adults and teens struggle with being infantalized for our behavior generally or treated as little babies that can do no wrong. Even in fandom, you see people doing stuff like jumping to call autistic adult characters, such as Entrapta from Shera, "minor coded." It is also common for us to have at least one bad experience with someone hanging around us out of pity. This is something that really gave me a similar feeling in Akito's arc. She's not a baby and she can understand and do better if she is given the chance to learn and break from all the freaky cult indoctrination she's been subjected to instead of just being constantly enabled. In the end, a lot of her growth is represented by her showing that she is capable of changing and being independent.

Shows particular difficulty with socialization, often sits by herself spacing out at social events. A lot of her fear is rooted in the fact that she doesn't know how normal relationships work, becoming overly reliant on the curse because she doesn't know how to make friends.

Clings desperately onto the notion of being "special" and in some way superior to others to be worthy and to make up for perceived inherent "flaws." It's the nd gifted kid burnout vibes for me.

Easily bothered by things that don't bother others. Feels emotions very strongly to the point of getting physically ill and has bad emotional regulation.

Relatively good at reading others in an analytical sense (though has more trouble when it comes to seeing how they feel about her since she's wildly delusional) but brings up her observations in a very cold, detached way and hurts people even on the rare occasion she didn't mean to. Has extreme trouble connecting to others and understanding their point of view. This makes her come off as pretty unempathetic even though that might not fully be the case. Also thinks that people like Momiji are trying to look down on her when they try to empathize with her. A lot of why Tohru can get through to her is that she manages to convince Akito that she's not condescending by relating shared traits and experiences. As I said earlier, autistics often empathize by sharing their own experiences with someone, and I know I often have an easier time confiding in other autistics because of a fear of being seen as lesser by those that don't understand me. I think the connection between these charachters and the way that Tohru manages to reach Akito like that while others couldn't makes a lot of sense through an autistic lense!

Additionally, when Akito herself gets around to trying to help others instead of just projecting trauma, she tries to reach out to the old maid by relating back to her own experiences. This however, doesn't work.

Has "cold" emotional reactions sometimes even to things that do make her upset. For example, how sort of calm and detached she acted after her father's death can make her seem uncaring. However, we know that this event did mess her up a lot and she is still (poorly) dealing with a lot of grief from the death of her father years later.

Copies mannerisms from others, the most blatant example is with Ren, who she directly parrots lines from as a child to Yuki.

Partly just her posturing, but gestures a lot with her hands when she talks. Also seen several times clutching her hands in her hair.

Deals extremely poorly with the idea of things changing to the point that it is a driving force of the story.

Does not understand when people tease her.

Ect. Ect. Ect. Listen, I could go on for ages but just trust me, the mean gremlin lady is autistic.

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

So this is a personal one for me to ask and if you're not comfortable with it don't mind it; how would the tmnt boys (seperate) react when the reader confesses that they're autistic after the boys got curious when she had some peculiar, behavior or stims. The reader would be stressed, because she has a crush on the tmnt boy in question and she didn't want them to find her weird or just stop interacting with her. When she's met with confusion instead, because the boys never heard of it, cue this weird conversation where reader tells them to the best of her ability what it is and the boys just keep asking questions. Also some general headcannons with it maybe?

Okay so I'm actually really happy that you asked me this because I feel like ASD isn't portrayed a lot in any type of media. My ADD and ASD have a lot of overlap so I hope I can capture what you're asking of me!

Now let's get into it!

TMNT Headcanons

The boys reacting to an autistic reader

Leonardo

he wasn't really sure what was happening the first time you reacted

one minute you were standing next to him doing dishes and the next you were attempting to claw your skin off like an angry cat

Leo tried not to look annoyed as he watched you rub your hands against your shirt until your flesh started to turn red

you looked like you were crying but he knew you weren't

but your face was starting to turn purple and your cheeks were puffy from the effort of holding your breath

"Y/N? You need to breathe."

You shot a glare at him, scathing eyes meeting his now very concerned expression

your own softened and you clutched your arms to your chest, heaving oxygen into your lungs until your face became a normal shade again

"Are you okay?"

The words were stuck in your throat and you weren't sure if you should nod or shake your head

so you gave him a half-hearted shrug

he frowned back at you but turned to finish the dishes on his own

when he questioned you about it later he couldn't help but be curious

"Well actually it's uh- it's kinda a sensory type of thing? There are certain textures that I can't stand touching do I avoid them but if I come into contact by accident my brain just kinda explodes and I shut down."

"How exactly does that work though?"

"I don't really understand it much but like- you know that feeling you get when you think there's a bug on you and there's not but it really really feels like it?"

He nodded

"Yeah, it feels like that. And anytime I touch something that triggers that reaction it takes FOREVER to get the feeling off my skin. That's why I usually wear gloves when I do dishes. Guess I just forgot to grab 'em today."

He was sympathetic

and god, you were so embarrassed

lucky for you, Leo's not an asshole

"Well thank you for explaining it to me, you really freaked me out earlier. I'll talk to April and see if we can keep a pair or two at the lair just in case you forget again."

Consider your heart melted

you couldn't even find the words to thank him and holy shit was your face red

"Hey y/n?"

"Yeah Leo?"

"Why didn't you ever tell me- us that you were autistic?"

Did you rip the band aid off now or make something up? Which would ,technically speaking, be less catastrophic in the long run?

"I uh- I really like you and I really didn't want you or the other's to look at me differently..."

wow, you liked him? miss ma'am you have saved this boy a world of anxiety and damn does he thank you for it

"Thanks for telling me... and y/n? I really like you to."

Awh fuck yeah, best possible execution of band aid-ripping-off ever

Donatello

Donnie wished he could act surprised when you finally told him

he really wanted to, it would've made you feel better for sure

but he sucked at lying and he didn't want to make you feel like he thought you were an idiot

because that was so far from the truth

after going through extensive research on Mikey's behalf when he suspected he had ADHD Donnie had stumbled across many different websites that discussed the symptoms and overlaps between both disorders

to make a long story short, Donnie knew that you had ASD and he was waiting for you to tell him

it would probably come off as rude if he brought it up in conversation right?

he didn't want to risk it

but that didn't stop him from keeping an eye on you and your behaviors

he was a man of science, of course he was going to analyze you

not in a weird way or anything, just as a curious sort of precaution

but the longer you were involved in the turtle's lives the more noticeable your stims and meltdowns got, Donnie did his best to cover for you without making you suspicious of him

eventually he'd come up with something that he hoped would come across as a friendly gesture and wouldn't set you off or scare you away

it was game night at the lair and you, as always, were perched on the arm of the sofa, a large grin plastered on your face

inside your head was exploding but you were masking it pretty well if you do say so yourself

but Donnie was, well... donnie was donnie

so when he noticed you starting to rock a little more visibly he removed his attention from commentating the game and grabbed a pair of headphones from the side table

you were beyond confused when he passed them to you but your face revealed everything

"They're noise cancelling, try them on."

holy shit it was like putting your head underwater, everything was muffled

not in the way normal headphones did, you quite literally couldn't hear anything at all, just a calm amount of nothing

you nearly started crying when you realized that Donnie had figured you out on his own

but you'd never been more relieved about anything in your life

Raphael

he wouldn't admit that he was mesmerized by your presence

you practically radiated calm

his complete opposite

it was his favorite thing about you, because despite your quiet disposition and calming aura you weren't afraid to call him out or rebut any of his insults

this was not something you expected him to appreciate nor was it something you thought would make you catch feelings

but damn if you didn't

he'd been sitting in on yours and Donnie's little experiment for an hour or so now, watching you both exchange quiet whispers and inside jokes that you always seemed to lag on

then you slipped up

not bad, nothing detrimental to the project, just the same mistake that you'd already made ten times over

you might as well have exploded

"Y'N, you just have to move thi-"

"I KNOW DONATELLO. I FUCKING KNOW AND I JUST CAN'T DO THIS BULLSHIT!"

you set everything down gently enough to avoid breaking it before turning and storming out of the lab, waving your hands like they were on fire

Raph and Donnie exchanged a look that sent the larger red turtle following after you

when you calmed yourself down enough to talk you kept your gaze locked on the wall, explaining that you couldn't make eye contact when you were upset

he might not be the smartest brother, but Raph's no dummy, he put those pieces together pretty quickly after you told him that one small detail

he wasn't upset that you didn't tell him and you'd personally never been more relieved

your heart nearly splattered into the stratosphere when you finally gace him your own explanation

"yeah, I like ya too."

you grinned so wide you were sure your face would split open and your entire body rocked side to side with excitement

he thought that was pretty adorable too

And he did stick around to offer a bit of support when you apologized to Donnie for screaming at him

Michaelangelo

to be frank it probably shouldn't have taken so long for Mikey to realize that you were autistic

the similarities between your own personality and his ADHD were so in sight it was near painful

it was his turn to make dinner that night and you'd made sure that you came over early to help him set up, you knew how side-tracked he'd get and you were the poster child for solid routine

what more perfect matchup existed?

trick question, there isn't one

you were on one side of the counter cutting vegetables and he was on the other throwing said vegetables into the mixing pot

the music was at an ungodly level of loud so your only means of communication were screaming over it

"MIKEY."

"WHA?"

"YOU GOT THE-"

"YEAH."

"AND THE-"

"UH HUH."

"COOL, HAVE YOU SEEN THE-"

"TONGS? NO, THE SKEWERS. YEAH, THEY'RE IN THE OTHER DRAWER."

"THANKS."

the two of you went about your previous tasks, thinking nothing of the conversation that had just taken place

at least until you'd begun washing your knife and cutting board

that's when Casey walked in, looking both perturbed and annoyed at the same time

"Alright, which one of you knows telepathy?"

Mikey exchanged a glance with you and you returned it with a raised eyebrow

"The hell you mean brah?"

he looked at the both of you like you were the ones that had grown four extra heads before speaking again

"You literally just had a conversation with like five words and somehow just knew what the other meant? What's up with that?"

you glanced at Mikey again

"Holy shit, did we?"

"I mean, not really. You used your hands."

now all three of you were confused but it quickly became two when Casey shook his head in defeat and left the room

"You know I think he's right."

he blinked first and your staring contest ended

"But you used your hands-"

"I got autism Mikey, one does not simply not use their hands as forms of speech."

"You're-"

"Yep."

was the silence laughing at you? could it do that? it was kinda rude

"Huh, that actually makes sense, that's not mean is it?"

you shook your head no

"You're just me but fast."

Mikey agreed with that, pestered you with a few more questions, and went back about working, as did you, you saw no reason to address it further

but your cheeks burned red

"Yo- Y/N that actually explains why everyone else thinks we're a thing."

you didn't know if you could choke on air or not but you did it anyways

"Are we?"

he gave you his signature grin

"If we are then Raph owes April a hundred bucks."

you returned his smile

"Oh this oughta be good."

I'd like to preface this by apologizing for my near three week absence. Life got crazy and my writer's block hopped on a train, went through a school zone, killed seven pedestrians, and committed tax fraud before tumbling off a cliff never to be seen again.

But on the bright side- I got my SAT scores back and started some scholarship applications. Super happy with that. School's out in a few weeks so I'll be able to write more (hopefully).

Anyways, I hope I got this one down okay. I may have hyper analyzed the request so I might be a little off. But I really enjoyed doing this one and I hope you like it!

-Mars 🌠

[hogwartsfirebolt]

The most heart-warming fic I have read in a thousand years: A FIC REC

Falling for a Golden Boy - @rockmarina​ - 44k - Explicit

Merlin. Why couldn’t Draco have moved to a forgotten village in the Alps? He could have turned into a shepherd, learned to make his own damn cheese and given up his damn magic. But no, he’d had to come back to his Eighth year, hadn’t he? And this was his life now. Draping himself over Potter to hear words from him that he knew Potter wouldn’t ever mean.

Great. The school year ahead of him looked simply great.

“All I know is—when I’m with you, I…” Potter, the heathen, grunted when he read the rest of his line. “Do I really need to say this?”

“What, scared of believing your own words, Scarhead?” Draco spat.

“Boys,” O’Neill warned them.

“All I—all I know is you’re the most amazing person with weak ankles that I've ever met, Meg.” Potter scowled. He was blushing again. “And when I’m with you, I feel less alone.”

Or where a drama play, a grumpy pompom and a bunch of well-intentioned friends help Draco and Harry find peace—and each other—after the war.

Thoughts under read more

When I read the summary, I was inevitably drawn to this story like a damn bug to a lightbulb, because it sounded cheeky and clever and sweet, and I DAMN LOVE Hercules so, so so much. By the time I found it, I was on the deepest of fic reading slumps of my life, and nothing I did seemed to get me out of it. I took a chance on this, on a story that took two worlds I hold so close to my heart, and I am SO incredibly glad that I did. Marina took both my hands and pulled me out of the slump, got me so excited and charmed me so deeply that I couldn’t help but squeal, at times. Just a little. Just a tiny bit. 

This is a story about kids who recently came out of a war and whose mental dust has yet to settle. They are brought back to school to finish up their studies and, hopefully, make some sense of everything that happened to them, and in that process they are introduced to a new Muggle Studies professor and required to participate in a play. Hercules. That’s right. And just like in the movie, we need a lost boy who became a hero with the help of two great friends (in the form of a pegasus and a satyr but OH WELL), and a love interest who is on the wrong side of the war and forced to work against the hero. It DOES sound quite familiar when put like that, don’t you think? 

The characterizations are beautiful from the get-go. We enter this story holding Draco’s hand, see him struggling to be better, consciously stopping when he catches himself being an asshole in his head, and just genuinely trying so hard to shed the skin of the person he was before and resurface as a better, kinder version of himself, that it’s impossible not to fall in love with him. On the other side, we have Harry, who has put the past firmly behind closed doors, and to quote the way he’s described in the story, is fresh out of a war, barely of age. A young man who just wants to be done with this and left alone, if you don’t mind?

In this, we find both Harry and Draco slowly, but surely taking control of their own narratives, shaking off the hands that have pushed them around like puppets for their entire lives in a way that lets them be free to try new things and gives them a shot at happiness, lets them just be young and even silly, at times, and it’s so incredibly touching to see them take a chance on that. 

At first, they are a mess. Though Draco is pretty good at reining himself in, he just freaking loses it around Harry, and it’s HILARIOUS and done in a way that is SO true to their relationship in canon, I got such a kick out of seeing Draco have this almost oblivious schoolboy fixation on Harry, still, the one that just makes him want to needle him into petty fights that are sprinkled with those little moments that almost tip on the edge of a kind of flirtation that is more like a challenge, and I love, love, love the way the author did this, gave us a starting point to their relationship that already felt so volatile and set up to change as they are forced into the leading roles of the play. 

For that reason, their scenes together felt overwhelming not only to them, but also to me as a reader, both from their proximity and the way the characters they’re playing and the dialogue fit their own dynamic, but spun in a way that takes what is being said and makes it their own, and this is so incredibly well done, the scenes of the play seamlessly fitted into the eternal sideshow that is Harry and Draco, that I enjoyed it beyond measure. Seeing them slowly, very, very slowly explore and adapt to new dynamics was absolutely delicious.

The first time they kissed, when it came, took my breath away, and after, the way anticipation built every time their eyes met, the not knowing what was coming next tinged with such a deep shade of want – not even a want of anything specific, just nearness, just the other’s company – reminded me so much of the way crushes felt when I was in high school, the build up to each kiss had me clutching my chest and, when they happened, the intensity had me blushing, and every single time this happened I just marveled at the fact that this was written in a way that all these FEELINGS they had jumped right out of the page with authenticity. We see them change the way they act around each other, after that, Harry becoming charming and confident and shy, all of these simultaneously, and this gives an extra layer to Harry’s character that we learn along with Draco, all the colorful laughs and silly jokes, all the stealing Draco’s hat, how he literally pushes him to adopt a little pet and then attempts to annoy him into naming it something ridiculous.

It almost hurt to see them learning to trust each other, in how lovely and heart-warming it is, how they find in each other someone to talk about things they desperately need to let out but never felt they had the space or the words to, it just felt very organic and magical, how evident it is that they both feel like they’re allowed to be themselves and to be vulnerable when they’re in each other’s company, unveiling new parts of themselves every time they felt ready, and that was so beautifully executed that I could have swooned. 

The story unfolds along the school year, but a lot of things happen in the Christmas holidays, and it’s all just so lovely and festive that I felt completely wrapped up in it, I could see the Hogsmeade Christmas Market in my head, I could imagine snow clinging to their coats and cheekbones, I heard the fire crackling and remembered every detail about Home Alone and it was incredible. 

Every moment of this fic is dotted with details that make it feel real and alive in a way you don’t often find, all the side characters are complex and deep, so diverse, and the little time we spend with them is enough to care for them and love them deeply. Greg is autistic in this, and Draco’s relationship with him is such a beautiful, beautiful touch, as are his moments with Parvati and even Luna. I loved that there’s an openly transgender character, I loved Draco making sense of his own sexuality and finding that he doesn’t have to fit anyone else’s definition of anything, just his own. I loved O’Neill, because it feels so incredibly important to have an authority figure giving guidance to students who are lost, a teacher who, for a change, treats them with respect, wants to love them and genuinely wants to help. She was one of my favorite characters, because she helped them all, loved them, taught them to be genuine about their feelings, helped them find themselves when they needed her, encouraged them to try out new, hidden talents. I’m tearing up just remembering her. I want someone like her in my life. 

I don’t know what else to say. This story is incredibly beautiful, and much deeper than I could ever have imagined, emotional and authentic and human and true, and I wanted to start reading it again as soon as I finished it. If you like post-war stories that feature spot-on, gorgeous characterizations, mistletoes, bowtruckles, hats with pom poms on them, lilies, outings that everyone knows are dates but the people on them, and rather a lot of singing and blushing, this is the fic for you. Which, WHO DOESN’T LIKE THOSE THINGS? So this is the fic for everyone. That’s my hot take. 

If you want to feel warm and fuzzy RIGHT THIS SECOND, I’m dropping another link for you right HERE. Let Marina know how beautiful her story is in a comment, and after you’ve done that, come cry about O’Neill with me. Much love ❤️

[lesbitchka]

(submission)

alright so i’m gonna dump my long long club story in here (cw for q slur stuff, some mentions of prior abuse, kink, drag) this is gonna be really long, i’m sorry! my way of narration is kind of obnoxious

i’m a copresident of my campus’ lgbt group after i was asked by someone in my class to run for office during my first semester at my current college. i’d never been to a meeting before, but i accepted, honored to have been invited. in retrospect, that kind of should have been my first red flag- being asked to step in in an administrative role to a club i had absolutely no familiarity with. i’m a white, autistic trans man who is on the aro/ace spec because of my history of trauma. this will be important later on 

i showed up to the election and was elected handily, because apparently the person i was running against has a history of being abusive? i don’t know anything about that. anyway, at the same meeting, the person who had held my position before me, a nonbinary trans woman, was ousted publically and stormed out of the room, furious. at the time, i wasn’t too bothered by it. this person had a history of posting weird, intimidating right-leaning stuff about “defending someone’s right to free speech all the way up until they act on it”- that includes threats to murder and rape people, in her own words- and mocking club members for mental health problems. all around, a legitimately abusive person that i totally understood why she’d be removed. and over the summer, that was that- no further discussion. 

i moved across the country to the la area to live with my longterm partner over the summer. during that time, we lived in a disadvantaged area that was primarily latinx, close to anaheim, where over the course of the summer we heard a lot of police violence come out of, both on the news and in word-of-mouth from our (primarily trans) friend group. despite being white, this left me worried about police violence towards me for other reasons; ie, i was an unmedicated trans man in a relationship with another unmedicated trans man, subject to different types of police violence should anything happen to our home, which we were sharing with a latinx family. while nothing became of these fears, this, also, will be important 

when i got back on campus, i took up my new position and started getting involved in club affairs. i noticed from a very early point there were some small issues, but nothing that was really a dealbreaker- the club had a strong focus on kink and many board members had a tendency to be very public about their sex lives in advertisements and tabling opportunities for our group, which, while i assumed i was being oversensitive about because of my trauma, i noticed offput several prospective members who investigated our table. when campus police swept through the club fair, equipped and in full uniform, i expressed my discomfort- a holdover from my time in a troubled area, hearing about my white trans male friend face obstruction and hostility when turning to the police in a domestic violence case, having been home for less than a week- and was met by the only nonwhite member of our board explaining that he didn’t feel uncomfortable with the police there, so it was kind of ridiculous that i did and i shouldn’t. which may have been true, but jesus, felt pretty shitty to hear my feelings on the thing were bad. i also requested that we not refer to ourselves as the q*eer club when hosting events and referring to my membership and was told by the same administrator that because he is latinx and likes the word, no one else should have any reason to take issue with it, b/c he was most strongly effected by pulse…? that was his reasoning for why we should keep using the q slur. again, a bunch of small things i could easily brush off, but things that stuck out 

things didn’t get really bad until this semester. over winter break, two things happened. the aforementioned nonwhite board member we had was hired by the school and is no longer legally allowed to be involved in any club’s board. also, i started dating a member of our club, a nonbinary transfeminine person (gonna call them bug for this post) who’s two years younger than me and getting their feet in school. i was feeling really awful after a week-long hospitalization early in the semester and having my longterm partner across the country; they were facing academic difficulties and poverty that will probably keep them from returning next semester, so it arose from mutual need and desire to support one another, with mutualistic understanding of the fact that our relationship is probably on a timeline. bug came into our school hoping to get involved in lgbt activism, so when we had elections after winter break, i encouraged them to try out. 

it’s also worth mentioning that bug was and is one of only three transfeminine club members who would regularly show up to meetings. the other two, who i’ll call mercury and simone, are both older than me; mercury was part of the board before i joined, and simone joined at the same time as bug, due to our awareness of our club’s appearance due to having something like 30 regular attendees and only three transfeminine ones; even now, simone is the only one who identifies as a trans woman, not nonbinary.my roommate, who i’ll call marcie, also joined at this time, becoming our only nonwhite board member. 

so, convergence of events: bug and i start dating, and bug, simone, and marcie all join this club. things are great at first! everyone loves each other, we’re all excited to be working with our friends. i’m overjoyed to have my roommate, one of my best friends, and my brand new datemate working with me on something i’m really passionate about. 

when we try to put together our first event of the semester, though, things go HELLA south. the new director of the board, the boyfriend of the guy i had a couple issues with at the beginning of the year, asks the board what kind of shirts we want for our event: tanks or tees. bug speaks up first, saying that they don’t want a tank because tanks show their shoulders too much and make them feel dysphoric. simone and mercury echo bug’s sentiments; i, knowing that our membership has had some issues with our lack of inclusion for transfemmes, decide to go with the transfemme voices on our board. this becomes the biggest controversy we’ve yet faced as a board. the director becomes enraged, talking about how tanks make him LESS dysphoric, how for our last event he got baseball shirts that make him dysphoric and that he hates (and that he also wears almost every time i see him, hm) so we should make a concession for him to get a shirt he likes. he tells us to vote; me, bug, simone, and mercury all vote for tanks, which means that we have the majority on our seven person board. the situation is now wholly out of control, the director gets angrier and says we’re getting tees anyway, marcie says something off hand about how it’s not a dysphoria contest, which makes bug feel like shit because they brought up the topic of their dysphoria first as a reason they personally wouldn’t wear the shirt if we bought it and then was countered by our director’s claims of how dysphoric tees would make him. simone says that this invalidation of her and bug’s lived experiences and the hostility they were met with for asking for a shirt with transfemmes in mind is transmisogynistic behaviour. remember that guy who got hired by the school? he steps in now to defend his boyfriend and shuts down the conversation (yeah, he’s still in our group chat, despite that being, y'know, illegal.) everyone is furious. more than a few people are brought to tears. 

pretty fucking dumb, right? over shirts. don’t worry, though, we’re heading into some even more ridiculous shit. 

the next time the board talks, it’s to say that we’re obviously all very upset with each other and we shouldn’t meet in an unmediated environment. (spoiler alert: what has come to be known as shirtgate was at the beginning of february and we JUST had a group meeting for the first time ever since that this sunday…) we hold our event successfully despite the fact that half the board isn’t talking to each other. i’m feeling hurt and isolated from my friends and withdraw a bit, spending more time with bug. the board is divided into two tiers: the wider board, and the presidents’ board, which i’m on, and which, coincidentally, is basically just our regular board without transfemmes. ha. the presidents’ board meets and discusses how unacceptable the situation is, attempting to appeal to me to change “sides” because those rowdy transfemmes, right? i’m grossed out and feeling like i’ve been isolated from the group of people i have a vested interest in supporting and stand my ground, officially marking myself as no longer one of the InGroupTM. for the most part, i do nothing as a club administrator from here on out. things are magically out of my hands. hm 

our next big controversy happens when we hold a screening for moonlight, about a week after it won best picture. this is a public event, and many people who are not in our club show up; i assume that all we are providing is advertisement and prepare to enjoy the movie. here’s where me being autistic comes in. the lounge is crowded with people and i’m surrounded by some of my favourite people, including bug, who’s off their adhd meds for now and doesn’t have a lot of impulse control. my friends respond audibly to some of the scenes, cos we’re a bunch of gay kids who’ve rarely-if-ever seen representation for ourselves before. due to being in a social setting where the people around me that i trust, esp bug, are being very emotional and responsive to the film, i can’t really not join in and make noises of excitement too- it’s just the way my aspie brain works, tbh. i feel awesome! this is great! 

it’s not great. the event ends and people are furious, complaining about how the movie was ruined by the talking during a handful of scenes. the board cracks down on me and bug (and, to a lesser extent, simone) for being vocally excited. in retrospect, fair, and definitely something that means i should stay away from crowds more often. however, this was an environment of friends, i thought, not people who’d get really upset with me for unintentionally making sounds of excitement when, for the second time ever, i see gay men represented in the context of a film. marcie is furious most of all, as our only non-white board member, and goes on a facebook rant, vagueing about not just bug, simone, and i, but about our friends and members who were not quiet either. me and bug’s close friend, who i’ll call mirage, is incredibly hurt by this, as marcie uses their non-whiteness to describe why they’re frustrated by this behaviour; mirage is a nonwhite nb kid who was most vocal during a scene in the movie where the protagonist hits a bully with a chair, making an audible joke about it, which they did because they found the scene triggering after they were hit with a chair by a teacher growing up. this was also the moment of conversation marcie had the biggest issue with. bug and i are feeling pretty shitty about our neurodivergences and how the club has previously made promises to be understanding of symptoms, but this seems to only extend to depression and anxiety. the club fractures further. 

we’re basically not talking to each other unless we have to at this point, with bug, simone, and i staying close, marcie, the director, his boyfriend, and their housemate making their own group, and mercury disengaging from all of us entirely. we hold an event. it’s called kink 102 and is the sequel to an event we had in first semester that i missed during my hospitalization, where apparently the director and his boyfriend demonstrated floggers and crops on each other in front of an audience who came to learn about kink, not expecting to be part of a scene. people are very apprehensive about this, especially because we have had several meetings focusing on kink and drag- our director’s passions- and none focusing on, for example, nonbinary people and aroace-spec people in the lgbt community. this becomes a huge point of contention, as several ace-spec people approach various board members and express their discomfort with how overwhelmingly sexual many of our meetings are and how our director seems so keen to involve strangers in his sex life- he has admitted rather freely to being both an exhibitionist and a voyeur. a student makes a public post about how we’ve had two meetings about kink and none about aroace lgbt people. bug steps in and comments a bit snarkily about how much they agree, having heard me, their ace-spec boyfriend, talk a lot about how i’ve been honestly triggered by some of our events; bug is very much not an ace person and is in fact an exhibitionist and voyeur themself, but thinks the issue is this important. i step in as well as a board member, feeling the need to address a public complaint, and reassure them that i would very much like to spearhead a meeting about aroace people, including the different ways it can manifest and how it isn’t equivalent to non-heterosexuality, as the only ace-spec board member. i admit to my discomfort at the environment we often create and say that it’s something we certainly need to work on. 

shit pops off in the chat, but only at bug! not at me! hmmmm!!!! 

bug stops talking in the group chat unless prompted at this point. 

the post goes mostly unresolved; all that happens is bug (and, later, simone, who posted a rather snide comment on the same forum expressing her frustrations with the group as a whole, both backing up me and bug, and as a trans woman who’s been repeatedly involved in drag events now) get CHEWED THE FUCK OUT. simone says something about how we have way too much focus on kink and it makes it seem like we’re saying it’s equivalent to being lgbt. the director loses his shit over this, and says, quote, “Thanks for invalidating my identity. I can’t discuss this further. Erasure of my culture.” which is… a lot, as someone who was abused in the guise of kink by older, paedophilic partners. 

i go to the kink meeting with bug because i want to learn how to tie them up safely and am hoping to learn about knots, but mostly because i feel like if i don’t go, i’ll get yelled at. there is no guide for tying knots. there is a brief discussion of consent, then the director ends up topless, getting whipped against the wall of the student lounge. a friend of mine sits next to me and sucks a fucking pacifier the whole time

we still haven’t met in person in months. this sunday, we finally meet. the director reveals he is resigning and also dropping out of college and tells us it’s mostly because of simone, which, wow, okay, is a lot to hear from someone who i spent hours counceling about whether or not he should go to the inpatient i went to and take a semester off first semester, before simone was ever even involved. the meeting is mostly just that. simone doesn’t come. we have a president’s meeting after, which basically equates to us staring awkwardly at bug until they leave and mercury retreating to their room, cos we hold this at the director and his boyfriend’s house. not weird and awkward, definitely doesn’t feel like we’re having a boys’ club meeting. nope. 

by this point i am distraught. i’m feeling like complete shit because all these people, despite their previous rounds of drama and weird comments, were my friends. i was so excited to work on something i cared about with people i cared about, and now no one even talks to each other. i confess my concerns about everything to the group, and shit gets wild. the director is quick to tell me that things aren’t my fault, but that his issue is with simone and bug. and then he starts getting really shitty. i had previously mentioned how eager i was to protect the incoming freshmen, because my first year of college, i was raped by a trans woman who proceeded to manipulate her way through the lgbt club on that campus to turn people against me and keep me from speaking out, which resulted in my utter academic failure and dropping out. the director begins to tell me that, in my personal goal of keeping freshmen safe, i have made bug entirely dependent on me, that the fact that they don’t talk to half the board anymore is on me, using words and phrases i used to describe my previous abuse to say that, hey, turns out you’re abusive. which… is fuckt, coming from the person who capslocks curse words in the group chat and then has his SCHOOL STAFF boyfriend come in to tell us how justified he is. the boyfriend tells me i never should have expected us to be friends. which i guess is true, but hey, i was introduced to the group by their roommate way back last year, and really didn’t know what to expect at all. i am also told that kink is easily as important as lgbt activism in our history, that it should be considered a part of the acronym, that all these young kids uncomfortable with two three-and-five-year-older people acting out scenes under our banner at our events need to learn their history. any second now i’m expecting our name, LGBTQU+, to grow a k. hilarious that they’re concerned about history now, but me asking us not to use the q slur to describe our members is ridiculous because no one’s bothered by it anymore! 

i meekly offer to step down, but the director says that because he’s leaving and his roommate is graduating, we won’t have a board anymore if i step down, considering bug and simone are ready to leave. the boyfriend and the director lecture me for like five solid minutes about how this is the oldest club on campus and if i don’t stay, it will collapse and that will be on me, basically. so yeah. accusing me of perpetrating the same abuse my ex perpetrated against me, then guilting me into staying to keep our club active- a club that is now reputed for being more focused on kink than lgbt events, for not being welcoming to nonwhite people or trans women (forgot to mention at one point students formed a qpoc group separate from us and the boyfriend was FURIOUS and tried to overtake it, using us, the board that was entirely white except for him :) ), and for being the biggest cesspit of drama on campus. in other words, a club i would very much like to l e a v e. 

i know this wasn’t entirely mogai hell or ace discourse, but there’s shades of every kind of shit in this group, tbh. and i really just needed a place to vent about it. i know we all made mistakes, but jesus, i’m hemorrhaging friends and feeling like dirt, my pals. i just need space to whine. 

oh one more thing, forgot to mention: the director tried to use bug to tell me to get a fetlife, because bug has one, because they’re not ace. also had bug ask me to pose with them naked for one of our event posters to circumvent me talking about how i felt unconfident naked, which thankfully never happened. also seem to think that because bug and i have sex i’m not ace anymore, therefore we shouldn’t talk about ace stuff because we don’t have an ace board member? didn’t know where to put these ones, but yeah! ;) 

ok! sorry for the length of this. thank you for listening! <3