#as always i think this all falls back on like. the artist tendency to have ur entire self-worth center around Being An Artist

[biracy]

Okay I promise I'll shut up soon but I find it difficult to believe that like. ur only focus is "caring about artists' jobs" or whatever when people go on and on and on and on about how "ugly" AI art is, how the people who are into it "fundamentally don't understand art", how it "pollutes" and "degrades" and is antithetical to "REAL art", whatever that is, how it's "destroying what it means To Be An Artist", etc., which I can never see as anything but the exact same reaction that has been applied to like. every single new art movement in history ever. Also idk having your main problem with something be that "it's ugly" or using that "it's ugly" to signify that it's bad is likeeeeee Great way to "protect artists" babe ur really protecting those artists

[hoverboards-and-dragons]

I know this is really random but I was just curious, do the Archangel's need sleep? And if so what are their sleep schedules?

I don't think this was directed to the archangels themselves so I'm gonna answer it normally.

No, they don't need it in the same way we do.

But they are capable of it (while God isn't) and it considered healthy for them.

It gives them an internal sense of routine, helps them keep track of time and recover from hurt or exhaustion quicker. Occasional mental rearranging and room to breath is nice.

This is their relationship to most physical 'needs' like food and water, their only real reliance is Grace and worship (which the deprivation is actually quite similar is symptoms to lack of sleep)

Individual sleep schedules!

Raphael has strong feelings about keeping a consistent schedule, have a whole bed time and wake up and nap routine. They have gotten in the habit of oversleeping the last few centuries because they are, insanely burnt out. They've been doing personal care work for such a long time with no real noticeably progress in The Plan, the compassion fatigue is real. A lot of the naps is born of them dragging their siblings into the nest, the small circle that their care still extends too.

Gabriel sleeps intermittently whenever, where ever, 1-3 hours at a time. They try to get back to their own nest at least once a day. Otherwise they spend a probably embarrassing amount falling off of ledges after being startled awake.

Uriel sleeps through dawn and dust, managing the archives throughout the night, for the least amount of interaction with others, dating records, sorting accounts, making timelines and retreating into the distant cosmos during the day to track and organize the constellations etc. I imagine them a lucid dream. And getting very annoyed at their sleep being interrupted or happening outside the hours they're used to.

Jophiel gets 4-5 hours at most consistently, she sleeps at night to be awake at the same time as her winners but is driven by artist's brain so ends up going to bed late pursuing ideas and inspiration, waking up at random times after being haunted by unfinished pieces. Queen of resting her eyes a few minutes during random tasks. She can wake up and go to bed so quickly you have no idea.

Michael; I know what you're all here for; doesn't generally. But on top of his tendency to run himself ragged and his siblings', specifically Raph's insistence he has to take it every now and then. He can't sleep alone, any attempt is a fitful painful waste of time and effort - he hasn't touched his own nest in who knows how long. Luckily his brothers' alternating schedules means there is always at least one place for him to collapse when he needs it; they are very used to him stumbling in, falling on top of them and latching on like hes afraid they're dying. Nightmares are still an issue but... manageable. He will sleep for days if he lets himself, he will not let himself.

Zadkiel is just, so in inconsistent. 10 hours here, 3 all nighters in a row there, during the day, at night. Wakes at 8am and sleeps at 12am every day for 4 weeks before suddenly staying up till 4am and never going back. Always goes back to their nest, either on earth or in heaven, to sleep and has a before bed and wake up routine. They just follow whenever the urge hits and then sleeps until it goes away.

[distortedblurs]

mike faist, twenty six, he/him ⟡ — is that JUDE LANDRY i just saw walking around kilmer’s cove? i heard they’re a RESIDENT who’s been here for HIS ENTIRE LIFE. it slipped my mind, since they just tend to hang out at THE CLIFFS. at face value, they’re said to be INGENIOUS and UNYIELDING, but i don’t know… some people have said they can be quite FANATICAL and FARAWAY. just don’t get on their bad side, i guess! don’t tell them i told you this, but i’ve heard they DO believe in all the ghost stories around town. who knows what the future holds for them! / james, they/them, est, n/a.

...content warnings for... nothing at the moment!

profile.

full name — jude dawson landry.

nickname(s) — almost always jd. sometimes jude. never dawson.

place of birth — kilmer, rhode island.

date of birth & age — feburary 15th, 1998. twenty6.

gender / pronouns — cis man, he / him.

sexuality — ...bi....bisexual? married to the mystery. demi - everything.

occupation — store clerk at the oddities museum. boat tour guide. master of disguises. aspiring paranormal detective. amateur inventor. king conspiracy. certified freak. podcast host alongside ziggy. perpetual student with a few degrees under his belt.

astrology — aquarius sun, pisces moon, gemini rising.

residence — the landry's old victorian family home. a room in the upper levels; covered in maps and books and ink and dust. one large window, often drawn shut.

interests — ghost stories, urban legends, myths and fables and the unexplainable. explaining them all. solving mysteries, both around town and within others. reading and journaling. his inventions coming to fruition. hikes, and the deep dark woods. sky - gazing, whether star or cloud. puzzles. yapping, especially when pertaining to his interests. earthy colors and warm layers. wool socks, flannels. a good baseball cap. dancing - but only when alone. singing - especially only when alone. chocolate chip pancakes. black coffee. milkshakes. being right. taking the lead, despite introversion.

aversions — his own perceived insecurities - such as others who do the same things as he does, but somehow better. being proved wrong. disbelievers who are loud about it. his anxieties. parties where he doesn't know anyone and therefore can't cling onto them. going into social situations mentally unprepared. facing his own emotions, or the flaws that come with them. doing deep levels of introspection. losing during both competitions and games. falling from great heights ( has happened numerous times before ). being chased by animals ( has also happened numerous times before ).

quirks — has a tendency to add fillers between words as his mind's always thinking, always churning. talks faster when excited. always has his inhaler on his persons. is hopelessly oblivious to others' emotions, whether they're crushes or upset with him for one reason or another. sometimes thinks only about himself, and can be thoughtless. never gives up; always gets back up on his feet. always has a journal or notebook in hand; always seen reading or writing or building something. has an entire closet of disguises. for what? i don't know. situations.

most played — nine black poppies by the mountain goats.

notable features — a mess of long blonde almost - curls that are undoubtedly treated with 3 - in - 1. a distinctly weasel - like face. baggy layers and clashing patterns lovingly picked out by ziggy.

general disposition — always curious, always seeking; eyes filled with the need to pursue. pursue what? anything. everything.

character study — dipper pines ( gravity falls ) & seth cohen ( the oc ).

upbringing.

jude born into the landry household alongside his twin sister, ziggy, and was instantly drawn into a life of color and wonder. the landry household's always been a restless one; designers and inventors and creative minds of both scientific and artistic pursuits constantly dancing through the hallways. never a moment of silence, of boredom, of inactivity. to others, their chaos is overwhelming - to jd, it's home.

he grew up being able to pursue whatever his heart desired, no matter how practical or impractical, even if his whims were fantastical or improbable. like his father and like many landrys before him - jude was drawn to science, to creation and invention. most evenings growing up were spent sitting beneath a tree, mapping out his next big project, anything to improve the life of himself and others. small things, like a multi - tool for dinner utensils, a pulley system from one balcony to the next; broke his arm in the eighth grade after attempting a grappling hook prototype that's still in works to this day.

it wasn't his only love, or his only passion; where there was the unknown, there was jd. beyond puzzles he needed to know the answer of, needed to solve - the mysteries and myths of kilmer have always intrigued jude. entranced him, almost, to the point of obsession. it's gotten him in trouble over the years - trespassing on private property just to catch the mysterious figure in the woods, casting himself off to sea in the middle of a storm just to capture a blurred photo of what could, theoretically, be a sea monster.

it's paradoxical, maybe - jude's a man of science. of reason and explanation; he shouldn't give old ghost stories more than a moment's thought. but he can't let go; insists on a reason behind every rumor, in truth behind every tale. he has to solve kilmer's cove, no matter what.

personal details.

jude is... the more awkward twin; introverted but yet, still enthusiastic. is passionate about so many different things that it's hard to captivate his attention before his thoughts are drifting off to bigger, better things.

is always managing to rope others into his situations, whether it's being out on his boat at the crack of dawn for "sightings", or in the middle of the woods as he examines blair witch - esque stick figures, or in a pair of matching disguises. it's not always purposeful; jd has the tendency to take things too far.

"he loved her to the point of invention" is very real and true for jd. he's a yearner, and a lover, but not an actor. he rarely acts on his feelings, finding them too embarrassing to express - if he knew how to, anyways. love languages include acts of service, gift giving in the form of new things that'll make their lives easier. usually holds onto a few... somewhat pathetic crushes at a time, yet is completely oblivious when the feelings are returned, or otherwise felt for him.

is simply... so preoccupied with his own things. has a podcast with his twin, ziggy, and yeah maybe their only listeners are their parents and their aunts and uncles. so what? it's there where jude talks about his conspiracies, thoughts on kilmer's local hauntings, and the mythical creatures he's determined to prove real.

jd has the worst fashion sense known to man. he usually lets ziggy create clothes for him and pick out things that she thinks would work for him, otherwise... hopeless. sticks to a lot of earthy tones and mild patterns, with a hint of ziggy all over it. a fan of baggy clothes; it hides his - frankly surprising - sleeper build. is somehow still out out of shape.

a big fan of the outdoors, jd only really spends time inside to sleep and to work on his inventions - and even then, there's still a 50% chance that he's doing either of those things outside. loves hiking, loves sitting atop the cliffs. can usually be found with a pair of binoculars - for monster spotting, of course.

he's in possession of at least one degree in wildlife science, and is steadily working towards a second in engineering. jd doesn't really plan on stopping there, either. plans on earning as many degrees as he can, at least, in everything that interests him. until death.

despite his introversion, jd isn't an unfriendly person. he can be a little offputting at times, and awkward, and definitely has a complex towards people he perceives as either "better" or "cooler" than him - but outside of that? he's generally friendly. is open to conversations, and friendships, though large social situations are a bit nerve - wracking without ziggy by his side.

potential connections.

this is going to be a kind of brief list, as jude's very new, and i'm pretty open to anything ( within reason ). i'd generally like any romance - oriented connections to be more chemistry based than anything else.

friendships! i'm like pretty sure jude was homeschooled, however, the landrys are fairly known around town and jude's always been out and about. childhood friends, college class friends, a best friend besides ziggy even. ( infinite ).

an ex partner? jude doesn't date often, in fact, this may as well have been his only partner, and all of his firsts. they could've dated for any length of time, short or long, for any period of his life. they're just not together now... and it's very possible that it's jude's fault as his priorities are misaligned ( dedicated to his work ). but, there could've been other reasons as well! ( 0 / 1 ).

co - workers. whether from the oddities museum, or the boat tours - they've definitely worked alongside jude and have been subject to many of his rambles. whether they enjoyed it, or are perpetually annoyed and he's too oblivious to realize - well. ( infinite ).

a singular friend with benefits. this is a rare thing for jd. it's not super frequent, but it's someone that jd is comfortable with and trusts, and at the beginning - it was just something that happened! maybe feelings are there, or will develop and ruin their current friendship, or maybe they're content in their situation. ( 0 / 1 ).

enemy - ships. the anti friendship. maybe it's not as strong as jd's nemesis, but there's still tension there whether it's hurt egos, a misunderstanding, purposeful sabotage, etc. it may actually be mutual this time! ( infinite ).

more pathetic crushes. while not as prominent as the main object of jude's affections, they still exist. mostly people jude is awkward around, and cannot figure out how to talk to without word vomiting. it could even be the other way around, someone's crush on jude that he's completely unaware of. ( 0 / 3 ).

the rest of the scooby gang. these are people that jude considers his "main" group of friends, even if they don't think the same. it's really because they hunt down mysteries and ghosts and cryptids together, and have been for varying lengths of time. this is a wc on the main as well! ( 2? / 5 ).

literally anything else we can think of. i'm open to anything!

[skylinesnsunshines]

treasure reading: haruto ideal type + as a boyfriend

hi everyone <3 long time no chat, im actually back and happy new year! :'). i apologise for not being consistent and absent this last year, my life has made a 360 and i had a lot going on which caused me to stop focusing on tarot. however, i've been slowly getting into it and i feel like i now have a better grasp on my life so i am now doing readings again. i'll be pickier on who i do readings for but still feel free to send your requests. hope you enjoy! <3

DISCLAIMER: this is all speculative and for entertainment purposes only, so take it with a grain of salt :)

decks used: ethereal visions tarot, archetype cards by caroline myss, heavenly bodies astrology, the wild unknown animal by kim krans

(italicised is the card on the bottom of the tarot deck which is meant to represent the subconscious/blind spot of the situation + rx means reversed)

IDEAL TYPE

6 of swords, queen of wands, 6 of cups rx, ace of swords rx | phoenix | house nine: spiritual growth | servant

honestly, interpreting these cards made me laugh so hard because I feel like I don't even need to go fully in-depth for you all to know what his ideal type is like. 6 of swords tells me that haruto looks for someone who doesn't necessarily show interest in him initially. as an aries, i can envision him really loving the chase and that even in a relationship, he still feels like he continuously chase his partner. the archetype that i feel he falls for is the attractive, independent, go-getter that doesn't settle for less. queen of wands describes someone who is physically attractive and is fiery, someone who isn't afraid to stand out or express their opinions. i think haruto wants someone who is as if not more outspoken than he is. 6 of cups rx tells me that he wants someone more mature than him, wether that would be in age or in mindset. subconsciously, i feel haruto likes someone a bit random, or scattered mentally. i think he finds it endearing that his person has many ideas and wants to explore it with him.

the phoenix tells me that haruto wants someone who can always reinvent themselves after hardships and can turn the negatives into positives. house nine is known as Sagittarius, a fire sign that trines haruto's Aries sun. haruto could look for someone who he has a spiritual connection with, or someone who is well-travelled and is constantly on the pursuit of knowledge. i think haruto could possibly want someone religious, as the servant details someone who lives to serve others which could also include a higher being. with the Sagittarius + servant card, haruto could want someone who shares the same faith or belief systems as him. i feel like this card also indicates a person who serves others, but is happy with not taking the spotlight as they are doing it out of the goodness of their own heart not for recognition.

AS A BOYFRIEND

king of cups, king of swords, the world, temperance rx | cobra | capricorn: ambition, realism and methodical steps | artist

i can definitely see that haruto will take on the provider role with the two king cards coming out. i feel that haruto is very much into traditional relationship roles. king of cups + swords tells me that haruto acts as an emotional rock and focuses on communication with his s/o. in a relationship, haruto seems to be mature and understands the importance of emotional fulfilment as well as being able to communicate and discuss many different topics. he could also be someone who starts random conversations or debates cause he loves hearing and exchanging ideas with his significant other. the world card is interesting to see, because i feel like this represents haruto as a well-balanced boyfriend, could even indicate some sort of husband material as this card is the end of the major arcana. the temperance card in reverse does tell me that haruto has a tendency to have an all or nothing mindset. so once he loves his person, it's gonna be very hard for him to move on, and that applies for so many other things as well such as jealousy, giving gifts, spending time, etc.

the cobra represents a teacher or a spiritual guardian, so again as i reiterated i feel haruto wants someone who he has a spiritual connection with. haruto could be said as someone who is ever-present and ever-loving, just like the cobra. the Capricorn reminds me again of the traditional gender roles, but it also tells me that haruto values tradition and that when he is with a partner, he loves focusing on building tangible things that helps him and his partner grow in the relationship. haruto could be a grounding figure for his partner, as he also loves to continuously work towards something when in the relationship. the artist tells me that haruto aims to express a dimension of life that is just beyond the five senses, and that he loves to inspire his partner to see life symbolically. haruto could also be the type to use music to express his feelings, so I feel like this boy would use music and lyrics to detail how he really feels towards his person.

[jungkookslipring]

I Will Never Make You Lonely: Ch 5

Summary: When your life is falling apart, your 8 best friends are there to lift you up

TW: mentions of de&th, su!c!de, su!c!de tendencies, su!c!dal ideologies, depress!on, anxiety, crying. If this is in any way triggering I’d steer towards more of my happier works. 

If you or someone you love has thought of or acted on suicide, there is help and there is hope 

Call or text 988

Genre: angst, hurt/comfort, non-idol AU

PSA: this is no way represents the artists. While their birth names are used in this story, this is in no way a reflection of the artist or artists in real life.

AU: mentions of de&th are implied in this chapter, read at your own risk. Swearing. mentions of eating and lack thereof. Reader doesn’t have the biggest appetite but I still wanted to put it as a warning. 

Ch 5 When you woke up the next morning, you found yourself surrounded by sunlight and the sound of birds chirping. You also found Jeongin's head on your shoulder, his messy bedhead evident as he quietly snored. You smiled as he snuggled deeper into your hold, and you let out a small sigh. Glancing at your phone, you noticed that it was already 9:00 am. Suddenly, there was a small knock on the door, followed by Hyunjin's announcement that breakfast was ready. The noise woke Jeongin up, and he lifted his head with his eyes squinted and confused, much like a baby waking up from a nap. Hyunjin smiled and ruffled his hair.

“There’s coffee too, Innie”, you both laughed as he quickly untangled himself from the blankets and sped off into the kitchen. You lay there for a second before Hyunjin spoke up. 

“What’s on your mind?” Hyunjin asks quietly. You shook your head, looking out the window.

“I just feel so guilty,” you whispered. “I know I can’t control it…I just…I don’t know…*sigh* I just don’t know why she had to go, you know?” you stated as you did your best to keep your voice level, throat still sore from last night. Hyunjin nods understandingly. 

“Carter *shaky exhale* Carter had a difficult childhood. After Peyton turned 18, neither of their parents were around. Carter only had her sister and me, so I felt responsible to make sure she had the best life possible and was always happy.,” you say trying to control your trembling lips. Hyunjin nodded and listened intently. 

“Has she always felt this way?” Hyunjin asked hesitantly, not wanting to ask the wrong question. You nodded. 

“Yeah, but she’s never tried you know, at least I don’t think…” you say rubbing your head. “But this time...I guess it was just too much…” you choked out. Hyunjin was at a loss for words. 

“I was too late…I couldn’t save her Hyunjin…and the signs were there! What if…what if I can’t save anyone else?” You ask as Hyunjin shushes you gently, pulling you into his chest. He was not going to let you take the blame for this. He let you have a few minutes before he started speaking.

“Our y/n…you have such a big heart. You’re kind and welcoming to everyone you meet. You’re sensitive when one of us needs a hug, or a shoulder to cry on. We love that you take care of all of us here, but that’s not your job sweetheart. You’re not in charge of everyone else’s happiness. Bearing the weight of someone else’s well-being isn’t your job as a human on earth. It’s not your fault, it’s never your fault, baby,” he said scratching your back. 

“I know she was grateful to have you,” Hyunjin said, kissing your head. You let out a sigh while your arms tighten around Hyunjin’s torso.

“Please…please if you or the boys ever feel anything please please please come talk to me, I can’t go through this again,” you plead desperation coating your words. Hyunjin squeezed you tighter; he knew, they all knew they could come talk to you, but you needed to be reassured.

“Of course, we’d come and talk to you…you’re stuck with us for lifers,” he said cheekily as he pinched your side, effectively getting you to giggle until he gently cupped your face, wiping away the last bit of your tears.

“But remember that your health and well-being come before any of ours,” he whispered looking down at you as you shrugged.

“It’s easier said than done…”. He nods while tucking strands behind your ear.

“I know Y/n, but it’s the truth. I know some of the other guys struggle with that. We want to take care of the ones we love, it comes naturally, so I understand,” he said. 

“Thanks, Hyunjin.” He smiles and gets off the bed, reaching for your hand to pull you up not too long after. As you walked into the kitchen, the sweet aroma of blueberry pancakes and coffee filled the room, making you feel warm and fuzzy inside. But as you looked at some of the boys, you noticed that they had puffy eyes from last night's events. Although they reassured you that everything was okay, it still hurt. Fortunately, it was the weekend, and it seemed like none of them were planning to leave the house. They were all gathered around the TV, some sitting on the floor, others on the couch. When they saw you, they didn't question your puffy eyes, but gave you sympathetic looks. You smiled back at them, trying to lighten the mood. Hyunjin was by your side, with his arm still around you. You both found a spot on the couch and sank into the cushions. Han, who was sitting on the floor next to Minho, turned around and took your hand.

“How are you doing y/n?” he asked quietly. You smiled and rubbed his hand with your thumb. 

“I’ve been better but I’ll be okay,” you said sincerely.

“Y/n?” Jeongin asked in a quiet voice. You made eye contact and hummed in response.

“How did you find out? About Carter?” he asked quietly, also not wanting to ask the wrong thing. You realized everyone knew what determined her passing when he was in his room. 

“Yeah she uh, Peyton found her letter Jeongin-ie,” you said as his eyes softened even more if that was humanly possible. You let out another exhale, and Minho’s hand found its way above your knee, rubbing your skin in comforting motions, silently letting you know that it was okay, to take your time and that they were here for you. Hyunjin squeezed you tighter, kissing the side of your temple while you tried to get rid of the lump in your throat, but the boys didn’t mind, they wanted you to do this on your terms. 

“I’ve always been on edge about her doing something like that…and I wanted to believe it was just an accident, but deep down I guess…I figured it was…I don’t know intentional, but when Peyton confirmed it, it was impossible to deny it, even though I tried,” you explain as your eyes stung with unshed moisture that gathered at the waterline. Now that you were no longer blocking out the reality of it all, you were hurting so much more now. Chris got up from his spot on the floor and moved to the back of the couch, to hug you from behind, seeing that Jeongin got up from his seat and wrapped his arms around your middle. Your hands clutched onto his forearms as they all scooted closer, making one big group hug. They held you for a while until Chris rubbed your arm and asked if you were hungry. Truthfully, you weren’t, but you hadn’t been eating as much as you’d hoped the last month and a half, so you were at least going to try. You sat at the table when one of the guys fixed you up a plate. You were so determined to eat something, but with depression comes nausea, and your vision blurred as you stared at your eggs.

“Dammit,” you grit between your teeth, your hand furiously rubbing at your eyes. Your chair slowly spun around, and you were now facing Changbin.

“Hey y/n it’s okay, it’s okay if you’re not up for eating right now, please don’t beat yourself up over that…” he said pulling you into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, feeling so frustrated with yourself. That phone call did it for you and you felt like you couldn’t close the floodgates. You weren’t bawling but crocodile tears were plopping on his shoulder.

“There’s nothing to apologize for, I promise, you did nothing wrong,” he whispered, holding you tighter. “How can we help you bug, what can we do for you?” Changbin asked.

“I don’t know,” you sigh, not knowing what you wanted.

“Would you like to get back in bed?” He asked. He was so patient with you. You nodded weakly.

“Yes please…” you say barely above a whisper. Changbin nodded and helped you down from your chair, supporting your back as you two walked out of the kitchen. After you both reached the room, Changbin closed the door quietly and shut the blinds to make the room pitch dark. He lifted the covers so you could crawl under them and immediately curl up into a ball. Changbin was heartbroken seeing you go through this. He tucked you in bed, ensuring that no part of your body was exposed except for your face. He gently moved some of your hair that was stuck to your face out of the way to make you more comfortable. 

“Changbin?” You ask, struggling to make eye contact. He doesn’t stop his movements as he looks at you, watching your eyes slowly make their way up to his.

“I-I don’t think I’m okay…” Changbin nodded sadly.

“We know y/n… but we want you to know that you don't have to be strong all the time,” he reassured you by wiping at your cheeks. 

“I hate feeling like this though…” you say as you try to keep your new onset of tears at bay. 

“But numbing yourself will only make you feel worse, love,” he argued as gently as possible, and you knew he was right. 

“What is it you’re feeling? I won't push you if you don't want to talk about it, but I can assure you it helps sometimes,” Changbin said kindly. He truly didn't want to push you if you didn't want to say anything, he knew you were hurting enough as it was.

“It’s just once I start I can’t stop;  last night and this morning were concrete evidence of that,” you stated, sounding drained. Changbin nodded, they’ve all had their fair share of masking their emotions, and they’re sure everyone got the same talk from each other at least once. They knew you felt and loved very deeply, so they understood why you wanted to protect yourself from hurting.

“I’m just so sad. I can't even fathom the pain she felt all these years and how it built up until it became too much *sniff* and my heart just really hurts right now. I’m so lost Bin, I’m so lost without her,” you stuttered thickly before hiding your face in your hands, Changbin scooting closer to you, still kneeled on the floor, pulling your head into his chest as he laid his head on top of yours. He cradled your head as if he were protecting you from the world.

“I understand, we all do, y/n, and I’m so so sorry this happened,” he whispered, trying to find the right words in this situation. He said what he felt in his heart. “I know it hurts, but thats why you have us. We are here for you to share your pain, so that it feels more bearable. Please know that we are willing to do anything to help you, even if it means taking your pain away completely. I think I speak on behalf of all of us when I say we wish we could be in your shoes,” he said, eyes softening when fear spread through your body. You pulled away and shook your head rapidly while grabbing a hold of Changbin’s wrist. No, not them. You wouldn’t want any of them going through the nightmare you were in. The idea of them feeling what you were feeling tore you apart. Jeongin bawled into your arms last night stating how scared he was to go through that, you wouldn’t wish this sort of heartbreak on your worst enemy, let alone your best friends. 

“Binnie no…I’m beyond grateful it’s me and not you guys going through this,” you say as crocodile tears start slipping down your face once more. Changbin swallowed the lump in his throat as he caressed your hair. 

“Shh shh shh, but if we were, you would do anything in your power to make sure we weren’t bearing the weight of the world alone, let us do that for you y/n, let us help you,” he practically begged. He was starting to sound a lot like Chris. You couldn't argue with him, not Changbin. All you could do was cry.

“Would you like to be alone?” Changbin asked. You shook your head, cause while you weren’t one to ask for help, there was no point in masking your feelings anymore.

“Can…can you stay, just a little longer, please?” you ask. He gave you one of the kindest smiles you have ever seen, getting under the blankets and pulling you into his arms, your head lying against his chest. He allowed you to cry out your remaining tears on his chest while petting your hair and murmuring words of comfort. He encouraged you to let all your emotions out and let yourself be comforted. You’re not fully positive when you fell asleep, but by the time you opened your eyes, it was already 10 p.m., and Changbin was nowhere to be seen. You assumed he went to the bathroom, and the realization hit you that you had been sleeping most likely for 13 hours straight. You dragged yourself out of bed and stumbled into the hallway in search of an unoccupied bathroom. After finishing your business, you walked into the kitchen to get some water when you noticed the TV was on in the living room. Curiosity got the better of you, and you peeked around the corner to see Seungmin lying on the couch, engrossed in a drama.

“Hi Minnie,” you whisper, doing your best not to startle him. He turned around and his eyes sparked as he sat up.

“Hi y/n, did you sleep okay?” he asked as he patted the space next to him. You plopped yourself next to him and smiled when he lifted the blanket to throw over your legs. 

“I slept so long but I still feel tired. How does that even work?” you chuckled lightly. He gave you a knowing grin, understanding that everything going on has you completely and utterly exhausted. 

“I’m sorry y/n…” Seungmin said sympathetically. As you felt your eyes getting heavy again, Seugmin laid back down on the couch, pulling you along with him. He wrapped his arms around you, and your head rested on his shoulder. You two fell asleep almost instantly. After Changbin finished his shower, he entered the living room to see who was still up. He smiled when he saw two sleeping figures cuddled up on the couch. He pulled the blanket to cover you both up and turned off the TV. You and Seungmin remained in each other's arms, and for that evening, the rest of the week, and maybe the week after, nobody slept alone.

taglist: @felixmainacc @felixburneracc @myforevermelody143 @dunno-wut-to-do @itzsana-kiddingmenow

[cicerenella]

Ooh please expand on the Italy bros relationship! Even in canon they have a bit of an odd relationship. Sometimes they actually act like brothers and other times they seem uncomfortable around the other.

ah, this is going to be a long one everyone.

the relationship of the two brothers is...much more complicated than what hima portrayed, so I hope I can explain myself the best I can. Let's start in order with a bit of history! (I'm not at home, so if the writing/formatting is a bit weird sorry in advance! I will get to the other asks as soon as I can use my pc)

So we all know that both Felice and Romano are Rome's grandkids and cherish him very much even after his passing. Although Rome wasn't an ideal grandfather, preferring Feli over Romano since he "inherited" his artistic tendencies. This point to understand their relationship is quite important, since it seems that Romano's inferiority complex starts from here at a very young age. He resents his little brother already, but that is only because he's still a kid and doesn't understand why he's treated differently.

Now, after the fall of Rome, Italy was divided and conquered by many nations. The two brothers, that already didn't have the best of relationships, get separated. And they don't meet or have a proper interaction up until the Unity of Italy, in the 19th century. This to make it clear, that for the most part of their lives, these two were separated and assimilated completely different customs and cultures. That is why when the Unity happened, it didn't make a "Greater Italy" rather a "Unified Italy".

And so the year 1861 comes, and the Reign of Italy comes into fruition. Nothing short of a mess. The South, still deeply rooted in agriculture and farming, is much much poorer and behind the rising North, whom, closer to other European nations by geographical position, is being affected by the industrial revolution. How do you (the government) intervene with this situation in hand? Harshly repressing any uprising coming from the people, of course.

There have been some instances where the government tried to help the South, but all the attempts can be described with a perfect adjective "Half assed". The Giolitti government (we are in the first years of the 20th century), whom tried to industrialize the South with modern infrastructure, called the southern part of Italy "nothing more than a place where to gather political consensus"

you understand where I'm coming from?

The resentment between the brothers is HIGH at this point of history. People are literally fleeing the crumbling south (and still today!) and Romano and Felice cannot for the life of them stand eachother. Felice thinks his brother is just a big burden, while Romano thinks Felice is an ungrateful bastard that walks all over him.

There's also the whole argument about the Unity of Italy and how it was more of an "occupation" from the North, but uhhh...I'm not really going to go in that place for now.

This to say, that back then they had a terrible relationship. After WW2 however, they are trying to rekindle their broken relationship, although still today there are a lot of prejudices between the north and the south.

Romano is very sour about this, and so is Felice. They are trying to move on past this, but it's hard. It's hard to not dislike eachother. They argue a lot nowadays, since they always seem on opposites sides for everything. But, deep down, I think they care for eachother, even if they don't show it.

This to say, Hima was wrong to make romano the only one that is "mean" to feli, because in actuality it is a dislike that goes both ways. Have you ever seen a Juventus-Naples football match? don't tell me these two don't get into physical fights after it.

Oh and Romano still has a massive inferiority complex in regards of his brother. Feli is the richer, modern, and successful one, while in the parliament he is the "black sheep" of his country. Its rare, but Feli sometimes comforts him for this, explaining to him that he is an important part of their country too.

Because, despite their differences, they're part of a bigger thing, Italy. They might argue A LOT but its undeniable the love they share for one another. Never forget that ♡♡

[soulofapatrick]

Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy - Tommy Miller x Reader

Summary: All it took was you being clumsy for you and Tommy to give into your mutual want for each other 

Words: 2.2k

Warnings: Blood; injury; smut (p in v); oral (male receiving) 

Y/N’s POV

The stables are needing to be redone so we don’t have any more escape acts from some of the more feisty horses and that means going to the small barn full of scrap wood and metals. Today is the day our damn escape artist and my horse - Indiana - gets his door replaces which means finding a piece of wood big enough or a few planks of wood. I’d ask Tommy or Joel to help me but they seem preoccupied at the moment with coming back from todays patrol and reporting to Maria about their findings. 

There’s a piece that is just the perfect size and it’s thick enough to stand firm against Indiana’s tendency to kick at his door. It seems easy enough to pull out, getting a grip on the top I’m pulling but it won’t budge so I change my grip to the two sides and yank as hard as I can. There’s a creak and a groan and then wood and metal are flying straight for me. 

“Motherfucking bastard, bitch, cunt, ow shit fuck crap!” I think I use every profanity in the book, sitting up and tasting metallic blood as well as feeling the warm liquid sliding down my face. It’s slipping down my left arm too where I must have caught it on some metal as half the piles came crashing down around me. Man, these gashes are gonna leave a nasty scar but at least I’ll get to look so badass! I have to heave myself to my feet, feeling a little unsteady but the wooden board I need is free and next to me so wiping the blood from my mouth I’m heaving the board over my back and heading out the barn, trying not to stumble. 

“Hey Y/N, let me help you with that… WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?” Tommy’s practically shrieking when he takes the heavy board from me, letting it fall to the ground when he catches sight of my face. He’s gripping my chin between his thumb and forefinger, turning my face to the side slightly so he can assess the damage, fingers trailing over the cut and coming back red and shiny, “What the fuck happened?” He growls out, eyes narrowing and searching the area for the perpetrator which would be me. 

“I needed the board for Indiana’s stable door but it was lodged in the pile,” I nod my head back to the barn full of scraps and his face darkens even more when he understands as he’s always told me to come to him or Joel for help no matter what with things like this as they’re the carpenters not me but he also knows that I am extremely stubborn. Steeling him with a glare and a pout I go to move around him to pick the wood back up but he grips my arm tight, “I need to sort Indiana-“ 

“Joel, replace Y/N’s horse’s stable door please and tell Maria she needs to have the barn of scraps organised so no more injuries happen.” Tommy snaps at his older brother who just nods and picks up the wood with ease, walking off and letting Tommy drag me in the opposite direction to the stables. He’s got a strong grip on my wrist and I could escape his grip if I want to but I’m not gonna go our of my way to make him angrier than he already is. Tommy is a patient person but if get hurt, even the smallest thing like a sprained ankle, it’s like I’m suddenly on deaths door and no-one can come near me, even Ellie. He’s possessive and I’m not gonna deny it’s fucking hot but it can be very frustrating as he has never made a move on me and he’s never like this when anyone else close to him gets injured so what the fuck is he wanting from me? 

Tommy’s house is warm compared to the snowy weather outside, causing me to shiver and he sends a worried glance back at me as he leads me upstairs and sits me on his oh so familiar bed. He gives me a pointed look of ‘stay right there’ before disappearing and coming back moments later with a damp cloth and some plasters. They’re not the small ones but the giant ones that he’s gonna have to just stick to my forehead. It’s gonna look like I’m wearing a pad on my forehead I swear to god but I’m not gonna tell him no when his cognac eyes are filled with worry and concern as well as guilt. As if he could have done something to prevent me from hurting myself… Me? The person who can trip over the flattest of surfaces and who has only survived out of pure luck and having people with me who are coordinated and can save my dumbass self. 

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” He coos when he begins dabbing the warm cloth against the open wounds, stinging and I can’t stop myself jerking away but his other hand comes to hold the back of my head, “I know it hurts baby girl, I know. I’m sorry.” There’s a strain to voice as if it's hurting him more than me so I just grip his arm that’s holding my head still, trying not to dig my nails into the sun kissed skin and squeezing my eyes shut so I don’t have to see the pained expression on is face as he cleans the blood off, trying to be as gentle as he can as if I’m something delicate when pain is kind of a normal with my clumsiness. 

Soon enough the warm cloth is gone and so is Tommy’s hand holding my head, the giant plaster being pressed to my forehead and lips covering it before I can protest about how big the plaster is. Tommy’s eyes are soft and warm when I drag my open, his hands holding mine and the calloused pad of his thumbs are brushing over my knuckles. It drives me crazy how bipolar this all is, one moment he’s possessive and the next soft like this and I just want to slap some sense into him as he can’t have both without having me. He doesn’t have me. Not yet. 

He pulls a hand from mine, drawing a sharp gasp from me when it moves to settle on my cheek, thumb rubbing over my cheekbone and an expression on his face I haven’t seen before. It seems like nervousness and longing wrapped into one as his hand slides down until he’s firmly gripping my jaw and his thumb is brushing over my already bruised lips. I don’t know what comes over me but I’m parting my lips and darting my tongue out to taste the saltiness of the pad of his thumb, a broken sound escaping his throat. We’re stuck, just staring at each other neither wanting to move first but both of us wanting the same thing it seems. His gaze dips down to my parted lips where his thumb is still sat between them and he swallows thickly, my eyes being stuck to the way his adams apple bobs and his freckles are illuminated by the sunlight pouring in through the window. 

Finally, my hands move from my lap and he follows them intently, letting me push him back so he’s laying on his bed and his hands fly to my hips when I straddle him. My name falls from his lips when I slowly unbutton his shirt to run my hands all over his muscular and defined chest, drinking in the sight of the sun kissed skin and the freckles I have dreamt about for months. My nails leave light trails of red in their wake and his eyes are slipping shut, the softest sound passing his lips as I lean over him and press a kiss to the column of his neck. His hands stay on my hips, letting me do exactly what I want, only tightening enough to bruise when I bite at his neck before licking over it soothingly. I do it again, this time sucking a hickey into the soft skin just under his jaw, eliciting the most beautiful sound from him I have ever heard. He mewls when I ghost my lips over his without actually kissing him and my hips roll down to feel how hard he is underneath me and it takes everything in me to keep the pace slow. I want to savour this all, not sure if it’ll be a one time thing or not. If it is I want to remember every quiver of breath, every moan and the feel of him writhing beneath me for more. 

Tommy’s hands leave my skin when I move off his hips to his knees so I can slowly unbuckle his belt, leaving hot and open mouthed kisses along the waistband of his jeans as I pop the button open and pull the zipper down. He’s watching me between half lidded eyes, mouth parted when I yank his jeans and boxers down to his knees in one smooth motion and his hard dick smacks me. My mouth waters at the sheer size and thickness of him, the angry head weeping precum that I lick up, smirking a little when he jolts. His hands grip the sheets as I suck the head past my lips, tongue dipping into the slit teasingly before pulling away completely, drawing a sound of pure anguish from his pretty lips. A protest dying in his throat when I climb off of him and the bed when he sees what I’m doing. 

I’m hastily unbuttoning my own jeans, yanking them down my legs and off along with my underwear before I’m climbing back onto his lap. One of his hands find its place on my hips while the other trails lightly up the inside of my thighs, collecting my arousal on two fingers. His eyes are on my face when he moves those fingers through my soaking folds, a smirk sliding onto his kissable lips when he finds my clit and I practically double over at the sudden pleasure. I want to let him have his cocky way with me but… but not right now. Right now I want to ride him until I’m seeing stars and he’s a writhing mess below me. I’m smacking his hand away, unable to stop the moan when he brings his fingers to his lips and sucks them clean. He’s getting to cocky and confident so in one smooth motion I grab the base of his dick and slip the head past my folds. He lets out a choked sound, nails digging into my hips as he aids my decent, both of us letting out sounds when he bottoms out. My thighs are shaking already and I’m gripping his wrists tightly as I adjust to the intrusion, feeling like he’s tearing me apart but it’s a delicious pain that has my eyes almost rolling into the back of my head. 

“Baby girl.” He sounds so wrecked already, a light sheen of sweat over his skin, those addictive curls pressed against his forehead and the sight of him alone has me rocking my hips slowly, grinding into him. My hands fly to his shoulders to stabilise myself, finding a slow and steady rhythm that has him brushing against that spongy spot inside me and I try to hold back any sounds but he moves a hand to my jaw. He’s drawing me down so my chest is pressed to his, lips a hairs breadth apart as he chokes out, “Please, let me hear you.” Before he crashes out lips together in a messy and heated kiss. The hand on my hip moves around my waist to hold me still as he begins to pound into me like there’s no tomorrow and I can’t stop the sounds he swallows into the kiss. 

“T-Tommy.” His name is chanted until it’s all I know and can think of, feeling that familiar crest of pleasure about to snap as my thighs tremble and my nails dig in even harder. 

“That’s it baby girl, cum for me darlin’” He coaxes and that crest crashes like a wave and my mind is blanking, Tommy name the only coherent thing falling from my lips as my walls grip around him tightly and my legs clamp. He continues his brutal pace until his hips begin to stutter and he’s suddenly pulling out and spilling his seed between us, mostly on my chest with a guttural moan and my name, “Fuck me baby girl…” He pants, helping me lay next to him and leaning over the side of the bed to grab the discarded damp cloth. He cleans us both up before leaning over me, caressing my cheek softly, “Tell me that wasn’t just a one time thing?” 

“I don’t want it to be a one time thing.” I shake my head, face heating up and suddenly feeling shy until his lips capture mine in a soft and loving kiss, knowing he feels the same way for me. We finally stopped dancing around each other and all it took was my clumsy ass to get hurt. 

Typical. 

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[misc-obeyme]

i need more sibling angst w all the seven bros. i keep getting those siblings/brothers slideshows on tiktok and it’s killing! me! ☹️☹️☹️

especially between mammon and lucifer,,,,,,their relationship is actually sad. the game kinda plays it off as a joke and makes mannon the comic relief by spiting him as a fool 24/7, which i get. like ok. it’s an otome game first and foremost. they’re not gonna go super hard with lore and interpersonal relationships. but if you take a step back and see it beyond that, there’s much to dissect AND digest. lucifer plays this stereotypical authoritative role and mammon is the opposite. i know lucifer means well and he truly loves his family, but he has a heavy hand. the trauma of losing lilith? he can’t fathom losing another, so he’s sworn that he’d protect the rest even if it meant despising his own father. mammon feels the same way, but he copes differently.

i feel like both the two eldest are just trying to keep things together. where lucifer is so scared he doesn’t realize he sometimes hurts his brothers, mammon picks up all the pieces and holds it together. they mean a lot….😢

here’s some songs i think would fit:

“shame” by mitski (also “real men”)

“neptune” by sleeping at last

“kyoto” by phoebe bridgers (her song “i know the end” is also very good)

“not strong enough” by boygenius

also i would recommend fiona apple in general! one of my fav artists 😋

Okay, anon, I had to go on TikTok to look up those slideshow videos 'cause I haven't seen them (I rarely use TikTok and when I do it's all cake decorating videos because I have a problem). So I was seeing a bunch where it's a picture of the siblings as kids and then switches to one of them all grown up?? Can you imagine something like that with our bros??

But you happened to touch upon a subject here that I have opinions about. You're right. It's an otome game and the point is for the MC to be able to have all these hot guys fall for them. I get that. But it means that I'm never sure what they're going to sacrifice in the name of silly otome vibes.

The Mammon/Lucifer dynamic is a perfect example.

In fact, I would argue that just by himself, the "Lucifer as authority figure" concept is a disservice to his character. It sets him apart from all of his brothers in a way that makes it so they don't get to fully flesh out his relationships with any of them. He's too strict, too overbearing, and too often puts himself apart from the rest. It's annoying because all of the brothers indicate that they love Lucifer. They love him and that's why they followed him to the Devildom to begin with. Satan loves him, too, albeit with far more complexity attached. But Lucifer can only express his love for them through strictness. He's trying to ensure he never loses them and I get that, but he also never allows himself to be soft with them. We only get very rare glimpses of that. Lately in NB I feel like they tried to help with that, as evidenced by the way the first season ended. But generally speaking, they too often play to his role as authority figure, in my opinion. And yet he's the star of the show. The way he's always last like they think MC is going to choose him over the rest every time. The way we get more insight into his history, the way he has a far more involved and complicated character, where other brothers are just regulated to very simple personalities. I don't get why they do that, personally.

As for Mammon specifically, that whole thing confuses me still. I went through a hardcore Mammon phase where he was actually next to Barbatos in my ranking (this was before I figured out how much I love Solomon lol). And I really had an issue with Lucifer constantly punishing Mammon all the time for things that seemed relatively minor. If we consider that it's actually Lucifer's fear that is the motivation behind his tendency to be strict, though, it changes the meaning. Mammon gets punished the most because he's the one Lucifer cares about the most. But that doesn't make it okay in my mind. If anything, that's just even more fucked up. But the annoying thing about all of this is it's only our fan interpretation. It is far more likely that the only reason Mammon is the one who gets strung up all the time and so on is because it's funny. Or it's supposed to be. I'm pretty sure they just wrote it that way to be a joke, not because they're making some grand statement about Lucifer's relationship with Mammon and how he deals with the trauma he's endured.

Mammon is often depicted as kinda silly and moronic, but that's also a disservice to his character the way Lucifer being the strict one is to his. Because you're completely right. Lucifer doesn't realize he hurts his brothers and Mammon is the one keeping things together. It always struck me as far more likely that Mammon is playing a role for his younger brothers' benefit. We get enough flashes of insight from Mammon that indicate he understands things far more than he lets on. He deliberately acts out to draw Lucifer's attention because Lucifer's fear of losing his brothers makes him too harsh on them. And if Mammon is always Lucifer's top priority, then he's more likely to leave the younger ones alone. This is also fucked up. And again, this is all just outside interpretation because I don't think any of that is something they meant to imply with their Lucifer-always-punishing-Mammon joke. That's just how it comes across.

The problem with these jokes is that if you take them in any kind of serious context, you get analysis similar to the unfortunate three paragraphs I just made you suffer through. Because these jokes, if looked into more deeply, imply all of the complicated stuff I talked about. But I don't think they meant to imply any of that, which is why it's kind of fucked up when you look too closely at it.

That's how a lot of it goes with this particular game and that's why I always have such a hard time trying to figure out what's going on. Because they definitely have all this lighthearted nonsense sitting right beside some actual deep character development. So what are we supposed to take seriously and what's meant to be just silly stuff? (Another example is my issue with the reason behind Barbatos being angry with Solomon all this time - I took the joke as something serious lol.)

I apologize for the length of this response, but it's just something that I have a lot of thoughts about! I have a tendency to come at everything from a storytelling perspective where I want everything to have a reason and to make sense. But I think some of the stuff in this game really isn't meant to have a deeper meaning, so I'm just creating extra analysis where there is none. I've had to kind of balance my expectations and even then I end up with moments like the Barbatos reveal where I get annoyed lol. But that's on me, I really should know better by now.

Anyway! Thank you for the song recs, I'll have to listen to them all! I loooove "Not Strong Enough" by boygenius, I've been listening to that song a lot lately! So I'm sure I'll enjoy the others you've recommended as well!

And again I'm sorry about how long this response ended up being! I never realize I have so much to say until I've written four or five paragraphs and then I'm like ohh oops.

[the-greatest-fool]

what's your opinion about Bojack's self destructive tendencies?

I think that broadly speaking, BJH (which I hereby use to denote BoJack Horseman, the show, vs “BoJack”, the person) does two things with his self destructive tendencies. Spoilers.

The first thing it does for much of its run is peel back the layers of his self-destruction. From the first episode we see fairly relatable examples of BoJack’s self destruction. So for instance, he fails to meet deadlines, doesn’t like commitment, etc. But, over the course of the next seasons, we see him destroy his public image, sabotage the closest he’s ever had to a healthy relationship, commit ethical violations you wouldn’t even want say out loud—in short, he fucks up real bad.

So what do I think about that? It’s easy to say he’s just a simple moral metaphor, a cautionary tale. Don’t be consumed by alcohol, sex, self-loathing, and pettiness like him. Don’t cope like he does, do the terrible things he does. But maybe that’s too easy an answer. We see his back story of childhood abuse, constant self-doubt, and alcoholism. There are many times when I feel the BoJack in myself coming out.

It’s “easy”, and even in vogue, to believe in Good People and Bad People. We normal people watch in horror as The Bad Men, or indeed The Bad Hollywood Men (you know who), have their way and wreck wanton violence on the world for their gain and pleasure. But we have the kernel of possibility within us, and in many ways act out similar behaviors in our lives. Here I am somewhat ready to blame this conclusion on my masculine perspective so that I can be One Of The Good Men who knows It’s My Fault and I Should Do Better. Which—yes! I should. But the fact that there are even Bad Hollywood Women (fine, just think about Princess Carolyn if real world examples are too controversial) goes to show that it’s not so simple so as to reduce the problem to people’s “fundamental natures”, whether it’s just that “some people are bad” or “men are bad.”

And this brings us to the second thing the show does about BoJack’s self destruction: it tries to undo it. The last season comes in the midst of MeToo. Should BoJack see justice, or at least be freed from his Sisypheseun cage? Well—it’s complicated. He works on himself, as I should, and as we all should. He tries to better himself, make amends, and do good unto the world.

But even after all that, he seems to fail. He starts drinking again. His attitude towards women—as disposable or instrumental—seems to remain. He loses it all. And in a moment so rare in fiction or real life, he gets punished, *but* has a chance for redemption in the final. What I read from this is the genuine difficulty of changing.

I have terrible habits. I wish I didn’t have them. I wish I treated my loved ones better. I wish I processed pain and difficulty better. It’s not easy, but everyday you wake up and you just have to try. You have to. It’s what we’re called to do. We do right.

And the thing is, destruction is NOT just self-inflicted. Self-care can’t undo structural harm. BoJack runs into producers who commodify and pervert his genuine artistic dreams, media environments that are swift to condemn and unlikely to admit fault or nuance, and generations of trauma, violence, and misogyny. What’s truly needed is a family of care and love, a little luck, and his bravery to try to live in the face of a world that seems not to care.

For most of BJH, BoJack feels like a tragic character in the truest sense, always seeming so close to redemption or fulfillment before crashing down. I don’t think there’s a guarantee we always get a happy ending in life. We can only try to live not as bitter cynics and nihilists who don’t care because it’ll all fall apart one day, but as genuine artistic romantics who do right for right’s sake.

[lost-jams]

Brushes And Beats chapter:01

pairing: JiminxReader

genre: fluff with a pinch of angst

trope: enemies to lovers

:That awkward moment when your nemesis tell you something that is right for you but you are too proud to take their advice:

In the glamorous world of music and entertainment, unexpected romances often take center stage. Behind the scenes, amidst the dazzling lights and flamboyant costumes, all kinds of story unfolds and I get to witness it all as a makeup artist. Every day, I had the privilege of working closely with some of the biggest stars in the industry. With my brushes in hand and an eye for detail, I would transform their faces into works of art, enhancing their natural beauty and showcasing their unique personalities on the stage and screen.

One particular pop star caught my attention from the start - a charismatic and talented individual who commanded the stage with his powerful voice and captivating performances. Little did I know that this pop star would become more than just a client, but also my nemesis. His name, Park Jimin - a renowned artist known for his remarkable talent and uncompromising attitude.

As a makeup artist, my job was to make him look flawless and ready to face the world. I pushed aside any personal feelings I had about Park and focused solely on my work, determined to provide him with the best makeup artistry possible. BUT BOY WAS HE ANNOYING with his diva-like demands and perfectionist tendencies! "It needs to be closely matched with the stage lighting and my costume," he would insist, nitpicking every small detail. Though I was fuming on the inside, I maintained my professional demeanor and ensured that his makeup was always on point.

"Oh the great Park Jimin" Fumi my work bestie passes the coffee to me as we take a break from the chaos backstage. I chuckled, knowing she shared my frustrations with the demanding pop star. "Tell me about it! It's like he expects me to read his mind and anticipate every little thing he wants". "But you know what they say, there's a thin line between love and hate," she said with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

I couldn't help but scoff at her suggestion. "He's my nemesis, Fumi! How could I possibly fall in love with someone who constantly challenges and tests my patience?" I dismissed her words, choosing to believe that our relationship would remain strictly professional.

"COSTUME CHANGE!!" I rushed back to my station, readying myself for another round of makeup touch-ups. As Jimin sat in my chair, I couldn't help but notice a subtle change in his demeanor. His usually confident expression seemed slightly softer, and there was a glimmer of vulnerability in his eyes.

Did something happen? I thought as I delicately applied his foundation. Jimin stayed unusually quiet, his gaze focused on his reflection. His quietness was uncharacteristic. Usually, he would use this time to critique the makeup or give his input - it wasn't often that he was so subdued. But today, he was different, quieter, watching my every move with seemingly genuine curiosity. I found my hands shaking slightly as I brushed blush across his high cheekbones, my nerves suddenly getting the best of me and then I saw his smirk with his right eyebrow cocked up. Bastard

"I don't know, don't you think the competition's makeup artists do it better? No offense, of course. You still do a passable job." oooh his tone was a mix of nonchalance and veiled provocation, I wont let him get under my skin. "Interesting, given how perfect your performances always are, I would think you'd notice that my makeup artistry is always uniquely suited to enhancing that. But if you'd prefer a 'passable' job, I'm sure the competition would be glad to have you as their canvas." keep calm...keep calm..."Oh, don't get me wrong. I know a great talent when I see one. After all, I work with the best around, don't I?" IS HE MOCKING ME?!

After a tense moment of silence, I finally snap back at him, fueling the argument with a retort, "Best around, hm? Yet you're always complaining, aren't you? I wonder if being the best includes never being satisfied." Hints of frustration tinge my usually calm voice.

Jimin retorts, "And I wonder if being a makeup artist means disregarding the client's demands. I expect perfection because that's what I give onstage." I was about to snap back when the director of the shoot came back with an excited look "are we done?" I smiled and took a step back "yes, we are". Jimin stands up smoothening his clothes and intentionaly bumping my shoulder as he sneekily winks at me "see you around birdy" . Asshole.

________________________________________________________________________________

Clubbing with Fumi was the best decision i made today, as its a friday night the club is already jam packed. We decided to sit at the bar and order drinks my mind couldn't help but go to the look on Jimin's face today he seemed kinda off. "Earth to Y/n" I realized I was in a daze "I've been calling you for 15mins, what were you thinking?" I shook my head and smiled at her "Nothing really" I laughed while she gave me a side eye "Anyways...Ugh I already feel tired, they said they might be a new face in the company and you know what that means MORE TOURS WHICH LEADS TO MORE FATIGUE AAAAA GOD WHY DID I CHOOSE THIS LINE OF WORK" hearing that reminded me of all kinds tiredness I felt when the artists go on tours and god forbid you are required to go with them but it isn't that bad if you think about it, you get to see new places and make fun memories.

"HEY WANNA DANCE?" Fumi chirped excitedly as she dragged me to the dance floor. "I want to get wasted tonight" Oooohh nooOoooh bad idea "You know we don't have a ride home" I chuckled reminding her we need to stay concious.

________________________________________________________________________________

"Ugh i missed you bed" A sigh escapes my lips well it was a long day of work plus with all the clubbing my brain wasn't braining, my head shifted to the right as i heard a Quack sound, Ugh i know that sound all too well, it was a specific ring set for a specific person, "What does he want now?" i muttered under my breath as I picked up my phone to see the message "Hey birdy", I squint my eyes at the text "What?" I replied back. "a bit rude, do I perhaps need to remind you what happened 6 years ago" I crunch my face in annoyance "I apologized to you at least a 1000 times already" 

 Jimin replied "AND THE PICTURE STILL CIRCULATES ONLINE" i couldnt help but crack a smile at his reference serves him right  I thought to myself "Look I was still new and was still learning" I put down my phone but it buzzes again "Anyways do you have the reference of my outfit yet?" I sighed "not yet, Zara told me take it from the dry cleaners, I'll do it tomorrow" as i continued to type "So you are an errand girl now?" WHAT THE- "Isn't it her resposibility to send it to you" i sighed in fraustration "I don’t want to continue this conversation."

"I’m giving you some good advice here, you should take it. Stop picking up Zara’s dry cleaning—it’s not your job." I roll my eyes at the text, I DO NOT WANT TO ADMIT THAT HE IS RIGHT "Heard you went to a club, not sure if u managed to entice someone with your flirting skills birdy" wtf what does he think he is doing "That’s what people say about you."  The unfortunate retort falls out of my mouth. 

I try to rewind time. It doesn’t work. "Is that what you think you and I do? Flirt?" I couldn't help but say "Aren't you supposed to be the God of Flirting, thats what your fans call you" I cringe at my text maybe I shouldnt have said that "Birdy, if we were flirting, you’d know about it." I felt a weird drop inside, I smile at Jimin's response and feel a mix of relief and curiosity.

 "Oh, really? So you're saying there's nothing going on between us?" I respond playfully, unable to resist teasing him back. Despite our history and the tension that sometimes arises between us, there's always been an undeniable chemistry. But lately, I've been questioning whether it's just playful banter or something more. Not lettiing him say anything I quickly bid him goodnight with my heart thumping in my chest.

________________________________________________________________________________

Monday came, I have a feeling it will be a nice dayy, my gut never lies.

"hey birdy"

"Birdyyyy"

" Birdy birdyyyy"

"No it doesn't match, I see your skills are going down"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HE IS BEING SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS TODAY It seemed like he was determined to annoy me today. And then he added salt to the wound by criticizing my skills. I took a deep breath and reminded myself to keep calm and maintain proffesinalism, I look at the mirror and see him flashing me a mischievious grin, knowing it will rile me up and it did "Jimin, can we please focus on the task at hand? We both have work to do here." I respond calmly, trying my best to maintain my composure. Deep down, though, his teasing still gets under my skin. As the day goes on, I try to avoid engaging with him further. I focus on my tasks and give them my full attention. But every now and then, he finds a way to playfully disrupt my concentration. It's frustrating but also strangely exhilarating.

Finally its time to pack up and head home as I gather my things and prepare to leave the devil shows up with a smirk? "Ready to call it a day?" I dont have a good feeling about this as i can sense that he has something up his sleeves

I raise an eyebrow at himand playfully reply "Oh, are you trying to charm me into staying longer" he chuckels and replies "Maybe I am" my breath hitched for a moment "Well...not working, guess your charms are fading not a good look for a pop-start"

I smirk back, not willing to let him have the upper hand. "Goodbye Mr. Park" I swiftly turn around and make my way out, I stick out my hand in my back pocket for my phone but it's nowhere, "shit " I LEFT IT IN THE MAKE UP ROOM a sense of annoyance washed over me. It seemed like just another opportunity for Jimin to capitalize on my forgetfulness and tease me further. 

Taking a deep breath, I reminded myself to stay calm and not let his actions get to me. I walked back towards the makeup room, he was still there, leaning against the wall by the mirror, I tried not to pay attention to him and scaned the room "Looking for this birdy?" I looked at him wiggling my phone in his hand, I took a deep breath and stuck out my hand "phone"

"Give me my phone back, Jimin," I said firmly, trying to maintain my composure despite the frustration building up inside me. He continued to dangle it in front of me with a smug smirk on his face.

"Why so serious, Y/N? Can't you take a little joke?" he teased, enjoying every moment of this power play. I took another deep breath and looked him directly in the eye "You know, i was thinking about last night" I took a step forward while he takes one back. Thats it y/n corner him

"well you know wondering what will it be like, you know...flirting with you" His back against the wall while my right hand was on his side by his arm "Well I think i'll be traumatized" I said twirling my hair "Let me tell you what will happen" I could feel his hand on my waist "You'll be thinking about it later on, lying in bed." 

"Been thinking of my bed, have you?" I manage to reply. He blinks, a new rare expression spreading across his face. I want to slap it off. It looks like he knows something I don’t. It’s smug  and I hate it. "Jimin, your expression"

He is distracted. "What about it?" Seizing the opportunity I snatch my phone from his clutches "Its filthy"  and run away. HAH...dreaming about him NEVER though he looked kinda...hot.

to be continued...

chapter 02

THE FIRST CHAPTER OF BRUSHES AND BEATS IS NOW OUTTT, I HOPE YOU'LL LIKE IT

[simandthedimbulbv2-0]

Mmperhaps blips lore if you haven't done that? Been thinking of them nonstop .. your design for them is so fun!!<3

You got it, pal 👉👉

Lore: Was originally an overweight arcade employee and maintenance man named Bil Soupy. Often teased and dismissed for his physique and fascination with electronics, Bil spent his life as an outcast and became more than a little misanthropic. His few sources of joy were the upkeep and programming of the machines at the arcade where he worked. Over time, the cabinets consumed his life; not only did he adore them, but he also took note of the attention they received from the customers at the arcade which he saw as a kind of affection. Eventually ‘unraveling’, Bil somehow transplanted himself into a cabinet he’d been working on and left it behind for his boss to put into the arcade. The media eventually reported him missing and presumed dead, but as we know, he was doing perfectly well inside the box.  Assorted info under the cut

The ‘Blips You!’ game is almost never the same twice, but always extremely engaging, to the point of being addictive. Both infuriating and hypnotic, it has a tendency to drive people with certain dispositions to madness.

It is somehow possible to cheat, but nobody has ever been able to ‘win’ the game.

Speaking of, although he’s unwinnable, Blips likes to reward worthy opponents for their hard work with little ‘prizes’ like bonus stages, cutscenes and unique music. 

While his mechanics are pretty much those of a classic 80’s cabinet, Blips’ processor being a human brain allows him a lot more leeway when it comes to the game’s actual content. For example, he can display a tonne of colours and sprites at the same time without flickering, as well as produce more fluid animation, complicated gameplay and long running storylines. He can even ‘save’ the games of particular players if he wants, and pick back up with them when they visit the arcade again. 

Blips aspirates coins to improve his conductivity. 

Despite rarely moving, the near constant flow of electricity prevents his muscles from atrophying. He’s unnervingly strong, though not at all speedy.

His metabolism is extremely slow so he only really gets ‘hungry’ when he’s been injured in some way and requires more biomass to heal himself. Anything he can’t ‘digest’ (clothes and plastic, usually) he coughs up in a sort of owl-pellet-like clump. 

Smells fucking awful but nobody really seems to notice.

Bil’s body initially retained a human shape inside the cabinet, but over time it deformed and mutated into the disturbing flesh blob he is today. He doesn’t particularly care though; as far as he’s concerned, his looks haven’t changed much, and it’s not like they matter anymore anyway. 

(My initial concept for him was an actual man who was half living in and half fused to his arcade cabinet; he had the appearance of a partially flayed corpse with wires mimicking muscles under tattered skin. This was, however, a little too gruesome (and beyond my artistic abilities) so I turned to the secondary concept of the arcade machine being completely full of flesh and organs like a living creature. With a little extra inspiration from Migi (of Parasyte fame) I ended up with the flabby goofball you see here)

While usually surprisingly level-headed, Blips can go a little crazy when his game is involved. He also tends to be rather petty and jealous when it comes to attention from the arcade-goers. Hand-held devices drive him nuts. 

It sort of goes without saying, but his moral compass has become a little warped since becoming a flesh eating video game hybrid. Even so, his main interests are simply having fun and being adored.

Though initially not particularly interested in romance, he eventually meets and falls head over heels (er, screen over coin drawer?) for a certain Sexy DVD who ends up at his arcade by chance. 

and here are some of the concept sketches and later silly doodles of him outside his box

(tungl may have murdered the quality)

[windsweptinred]

Still thinking about your last corithiel hc with Ruin as special guest! Can I ask for more details about it? <3

Ahhhhh Ruin and Corinthiel. 😅 You know, this started off as such a crack headcanon... But actually going back and viewing Ruin with a Corinthiel magnifying glass makes him SO much more interesting.

Like most I think the first time I read The Dreaming: The Waking Hours, I viewed Ruin as a hopeless disaster. And not in a sexy Constantine type way... In a, oh Ruin.. Deep deep sigh... type way. But that kind of does make sense. As far as we're aware Ruin is Daniel's first independent creation as Dream. He's hopeless, insecure and desperately wants to escape his role in the Dreaming. Which makes sense, because he's a perfect reflection of his creator, who is suffering from a cosmic case of imposter syndrome. Is also full of doubt about filling Morpheus's shoes and possibly in the darkest reccess of his mind wishes he was elsewhere.

(Also Daniel, Babygirl... Sweetcheeks. We love you, we feel your suffering. But Ruin's right there. Greet your creation first, wallow in self pity later. )

And there my assessment of Ruin would end. A young nightmare created by a young creator who inherited all this masters insecurities. Yet forged a path for himself despite it all....But (snaps on the shipping goggles) revisiting the comic, I did start to notice some similarities...

Ruin is no Corinthian, no masterpiece of an artistic maestro. He's raw art created by unpractised hands. But when you line them up side by side, there's an interesting correlation. Ruin is rebellious to fault if he feels his rebellion is justifiable. Will not bend to his Creators will, no matter what that may cost him. And has a deep, intsense, almost blinding passion to the point of fixation. He'll do anything to find Ben, anything to be with Ben. Anything so he's the centre of Ben's world. And has a tendency to turn self destructive if something impedes that. Sound familiar?

Was Daniel's aim to create the Corinthian 3.0...absolutely not. I doubt he'd have the want or the confidence to try. But did he indirectly pour into Ruin a part of him, but also what his experience of what a preeminent nightmare is, what the nightmare closet to him is?

I think Morpheus's last creation, the second iteration of the Corinthian, and Daniel's first, Ruin, have a strange poetic symmetry to them. Similar in temperament and how they both stand apart from the rest of the Dreamings nightmares. (One could argue a case for Gault ofcourse. But the Corinthian and Ruin share a self centeredness in their desires Gault doesn't. Gault wanted to inspire to change, Ruin and the Corinthian want what they class as theirs and WILL get it) Daniel crafted Ruin, no matter how subconsciously to be different, to be a nightmare who can love. And well, if he's a reflection of the second Corinthian, who was molded a little different to the first, with something that makes him the same, but different... Well. 😏

So Ruin, still a hopeless little nightmare. But an interesting part of the Corinthian 2.0 and Daniel's cycle of rebirth of the new, yet a reflection of the old. A restart to Daniel's reign reflecting the conclusion of Morpheus's.

...................................................................

Now leaving attempts at reason behind and falling arse over tit into full on Corinthiel goodness, when a dark mirror of humanity and an anthropomorphic personification of Dreams love each other very much... Said Dream Lord can accidently make a sentient manifestation of that love. Cori, you may as well call Ruin, 'Junior' cause you ARE the Co parent. 🤣

Ruin is such a little Corinthiel scrapbook made flesh... Dreamstuff. A Nightmare born with one goal, one he feels destined to fullfill, to find his beloved and be by their side always. That's it. When we talk about Morpheus crafting Cori for Daniel, well..Did Daniel stand on the beach of creation thinking, Oh how I love you, let me create a tiny terror tot to show you the ways. 😆 Seriously, part of me needs a fic where Cori and Dani are oblivious idiots who slowly realise they're in love through Ruin. Who is literally a walking, talking flashcard there for all to see, saying, Yes, you're in love, just kiss each other!!! The Corinthian being lumped with abysmal baby nightmare as a student and lamenting every second. Daniel slumping dramatically about the Dreaming in woe over his failure as a creator. Meanwhile Matthew is desperately trying to point out.. "Guys, I think blue's existence is trying to tell you something important." 😆

[spaceorphan18]

Glee Musical Retrospective: Jump (Mattress)

Sung by: New Directions Original Artist(s): Van Halen

This has got to be one of my favorite early series numbers. It's just a lot of fun, and it never fails to make me smile. Artie holding onto that sign that says jump cracks me up.

Story Analysis

So. I feel like for a song that's relatively meant to be at face value, there are a couple of layers that can be pulled out of it. The first being the obvious. Classic rock screams local tv ad, and they're literally jumping around on mattresses. The music and corny direction fits what they're literally supposed to be doing -- shooting a low budget commercial.

And honestly, as somewhat of an aside, I kind of love everything about it. From the set up, to the ridiculous choreography, the kids look like they're having a blast, and it kind of puts you in a good, happy head space (which is why what comes next feels so jarring -- but more on that in a second.)

Pulling back a layer - this song is about taking a chance on life and living it. Apparently, Van Halen - in coming up with the song - was thinking about (of all things) suicide jumpers, and how there's always one person who is telling the jumper to jump. So, Van Halen wanted to write a song that is about jumping into life instead.

And as odd as that is for inspiration for a song -- can we take a second and layer that onto these kids? Most of whom up to this point have had kind of a sucky life and/or childhood and now they're working as a team, doing something for fun, and really getting into it.

You've got to roll with the punches To get to what's real

There aren't really a whole lot of lyrics to work with -- and most of them are the repetitive 'jump' mantra -- meant to invoke jumping into life in a positive way. But the undercurrent is that the person singing is having a hard time with life -- and is choosing to keep on going. Which I think works well for what these kids are going through. It makes for a nice group number -- because it's a theme that all of the kids are going through, and how they're bonding because they're going through it together.

Jumping through life together -- get it? Yes, Glee is so subtle.

Interestingly, though, I'd like to add that the next scene after this number is the scene where Will finds out about Terri's fake baby. It's so jarring in tone (was there a commercial break here originally? I don't know). But I think it's fascinating for two reasons -- the first being that it's so unexpected after such a joyous, celebratory number. The kids are finally coming together as a team as and having fun together as Will's story is now finally falling apart.

But also - more than likely unintentionally, I think it's a moment for Will and Terri to finally make that proverbial jump -- to acknowledge, finally, that they need to start the rest of their lives and to do so means not doing it together.

Technical Analysis

Vocally -- the biggest thing I want to say is that this song is known as synth-rock -- intentionally put through synth filters making it have that mechanical sound. Just needed to point out the continued irony of Glee trying to go for a real set up and yet, aurally, having the music not match up to what it would sound like live. Like I've said, maybe, a hundred times now - I prefer when Glee leans into a little magical realism and stops trying so hard to sell the audience on logic.

That said - I think it sounds nice (even if the back up vocals are probably doubled or tripled again). It's a fun and catchy song, and Glee makes it sound good.

I would also like to point out that this continues an ongoing trend in the early series of Finn and Rachel starting a song off, and then Artie and Mercedes taking the second half of the song -- so Mercedes can wail on that high note. Glee is aware of what is working, and (for better or worse) they have a tendency to stick to the same thing once they know what does.

For the rest of the tech stuff, though, I have a list of some fun facts for you...

Apparently, Zach Woodlee (Glee's choreographer) let the kids do what they liked and kept the interesting parts.

Did you noticed the trained dancers (Harry and Heather) are the ones doing the most jumping on the mattresses?

Speaking of which - the beds were actually trampolines.

(Also - recently, Heather said this was one of her least favorite numbers -- I don't blame her, as she's moving the entire time, it was probably very physically demanding)

Cory, apparently, loved doing the scream at the beginning

Jenna, Mark, Dianna, and Chris all did the back up vocals for the song.

And... in what's going to end up being a theme - Chris got hurt, Dianna managed to kick him in the groin, as well as hurting his neck during rehearsal.

Glee Live

Okay, so I had to include this here -- before the song on tour Kurt and Brittany had a little bit. It's kind of hilarious.

This is super cute. I don't really have anything to add to it other than - omg, I can't believe the number of stunts Glee Live did on stage.

vs. The Studio Version: Hey, it's the full version! Including full intro, second verse, and guitar solo. It also sounds clean and solid. I also think they mix voices a little -- I feel like I hear a mixing of Lea and Amber as well as Cory and Artie. I wonder if they layered on the different tracks instead of just one person at time for the tv version. Huh.

vs. The Original Version: Ah, Glam Rock at its finest. Is it weird that the original feels even more authentically synth? Is that a thing that's possible? Lol. Also - notice how Glee reproduces the high guitar parts with Mercedes? Fantastic. Also - while the arrangement is more or less the same -- they sing it at a faster tempo (another running theme with Glee). Glee always manages to give these songs a more maniac feel -- which is partly because its a tv show needing to keep things short, but also because Glee is just a manic show most of the time. It makes the original seem much more laid back, lol.

[soartfullydone]

Would you ever write a historical fiction story? Would you ever write one of those Non-fiction But Artistic Liberty stories? Would YOU ever write a Fated Mates story?

Would you ever write a historical fiction story?

I would love to find the inspiration for one because I truly love research. That's probably one part of higher education that I deeply miss. The Hades/Persephone novel sorta had some of those historical fiction elements, but it's too firmly in the category of mythology to be considered anything else. In truth, I most love historical fiction that has a tinge of fantasy, magic, or magical realism to it. Yangsze Choo's Malaysia novels, The Book Thief narrated by Death, Like Water for Chocolate, those have all really stuck with me due to how wonderfully married the historical is with the fantastical. Knowing me, I'd gravitate to a 1920s mafia story, something pertaining to the Golden Age of Piracy, or that sinful, gothic, immortal romance with Count Saint-Germain set in Victorian London (thanks, Code: Realize). I think the only other historical figure I've ever been intrigued to write about is Vlad Tepes, hardly original.

Would you ever write one of those Non-fiction But Artistic Liberty stories?

No. I don't even have to think about it, really. It's a miracle that I ever read anything nonfiction, and always with the intention to learn. Writing it sounds dreadful. I'd want to be Profound and Intellectual, but without being able to lean on emotional impact and my silly goose tendencies (I can't not slip into something comedic if I see the timing for it), it'd just come out Very Researched but Very Dry. It's kinda funny because I just waxed poetic about historical fiction; surely this is but a hop, skip, and a jump away? Yeah, straight into a ravine, feels like. Now that I think about it, all the best ~Based on a True Story~ things I like are all screenplays, and I never got close to learning that craft.

Would YOU ever write a Fated Mates story?

Sure, if I could break everything about it that's mainstream. "Mates" would never be referred to, even in a soulmate context. No A/B/O-lite shit. I'd rather just show it instead of ever say it. I would want people to read it, declaring that these people belonged together no matter where or what or who they were. So, honestly, I see a work with two characters whose existences are always linked, for better or worse. I see a lot of time skips, of existing in different periods, states, genders, worlds. A lot of tragedy with their time cut short, with death, with fleeting opportunity. Of one being alive while the other is waiting for them in Limbo, in Elysium, in Yomi. A lot of hope, too, with rebirth, with seeing each other again and falling in love anew, however brief. And then, there are the times where they don't fall in love. Where they're only friends for a season before going their separate ways or bitter enemies until death, each falling to the other. But always, always that spark of recognition. I know this person. I've seen those eyes before. No matter what, they cannot escape each other, but even when that realization is its most bitter, still, there is a strange kind of peace to be found in it. After all, isn't it a relief to have your existence be for a purpose, even if it's for someone else? To know you can shout into the universe and always hear that one person shout back, even if it's late? Even if it's just the once?

[darsynia]

Hello.

If you prefer to keep this ask private, please do. I've been catching up on your fics and it has been a treat! One question keeps popping in my mind, and I mean this is the most complimentary way.

You draw me into a world and I want to stay there. The quality of your writing is so very good, a delight to read. And I admire the quantity and frequency of your posts, each one as good as the previous. Any tips/secrets for maintaining excellence time after time?

Hope you are well and finding peace during this month.

This is truly just the nicest thing to say and ask, and I greatly appreciate it! A flippant quick answer is 'obsession and mental illness' but honestly encouragement like this as well as people who read and enjoy is one of the biggest motivators EVER. I am lucky enough to like my own writing, so when no one else is interested, I'm still happy, which I feel very blessed for.

Having a crisis of confidence lately that's solely related to medicine futziness (had a stomach flu that prevented absorption), so I waffled about making this private or not. I hope I didn't misread you about whether YOU wanted it to be private-- if you do, just PM me or respond and I'll flip it to private ASAP.

Of my favorite things is just steeping my writing and planning in themes. Some of it is unconscious; my gender neutral Reader/Tony Stark story was titled with the word 'cocoon' before I reached a part of the story where I compared Tony to a butterfly, and I hadn't realized I was going to do that! Other times it's purposeful, especially with OCs. For Trust Fall, I wanted to create a character that causes Tony to examine his own narcissism and tendency to use people, and I did that by making the love interest a clearly smart, capable character who lets people walk all over her because it makes her job easier. Tony can't fall in love with her without understanding his own failings, so I basically used his personality against him, to write a growth arc.

For Ephemera, the phrase 'nothing gold can stay' really was in the back of my mind, along with the whole intangibility thing. The event they reference is a moment where a character erased half of the population (they literally turned to dust), and most of the people who witnessed this had no preparation, they couldn't reach out to hold onto any of the remaining pieces. So the artist burns people's valuable stuff into dust that she traps in see-through plastic, so they can hold onto that, instead. Similarly, she couldn't hold onto Steve, but now that he's back, she is deliberately letting him slip through her fingers.

Having a baseline theme or two for a story really helps make everything more REAL to me, that and my adoration for the source material and need to make it as real as possible. One last thing is I tend to hew very closely to what canon writers would choose, if that makes sense? Like I tend to try for as realistic as possible, and it feels more real, like it could be on screen without the people funding the project objecting to 'fan service' or whatever. I'm not sure if that's always the case but I've noticed that in my writing.

As for unhelpful to others, but big things that help me is that I used to procrastinate so much in high school that I'd wait till one or two days before a huge deadline and literally HAD to have my first draft be almost perfect. That's… poor planning and not really translatable, heh. It cuts a TON of time off, though. I COULD spend more time editing each chapter, and I do, for original work, but tend to just… not. Especially during focused times.

Another thing I was thinking about as I pondered an answer was… literally just being unnaturally obsessed/in love with the subjects, giving me a level of confidence that translates into the writing? Hah. Which is also not really helpful.

[readtherunes]

Things I'm Trying To Let Go Off In No Particular Order To Meet My Own Creative Potential

I spend most of my life as the awkward girl. I loved to study and read and spend hours in libraries and at parks. I always felt like some invisible glass wall stood between myself and my peers. Maybe it was because I was homeschooled and grew up in a religious cult. Maybe my brain just works differently. It wasn't that I was a prude by any means. I relish good sex and good food and have a lot of hedonistic tendencies if I let myself veer too far in that direction, but I just never understood why the people around me found joy in the things they did.

I remember being at a college party, fixing my face into a smile, forcing my head back when I laughed loudly at something I found unfunny, my head swirling from cheap booze, the small of Victoria's Secret Body Spray and vomit and liquor filling the air.

Here's the thing though. I didn't like these things, but when I grew up a bit and became a bit more beautiful and learned to play the part a bit better, and people saw me as just one of the group, it was a relief. I no longer stood out, and there is something very soothing about being able to move through life as a part of a bigger organism -- a group of people with generally the same thoughts, and likes, and dislikes.

But like any sort of lying, it has grown tiresome. I have been getting back to who I was from the beginning. And it isn't a high-powered career woman, although I am great at my job. It isn't a popular blonde girl, although I've played that role with varying degrees of success over the past five years.

I've decided that with my move to a new city I am going to start letting go of some of these crutches that I've used to prop myself up over the past few years. Here are a few in no particular order.

Stop forcing relationships.

A loathsome part of trying to be popular and appear "normal" is that you have to at some point force relationships that just don't feel natural. You find yourself sitting with people who -- on a deep level -- you have nothing in common with. But you sit there and nod along and pretend to be interested in every gory detail of their lives, because that's just what you do. You find yourself going to their parties and inviting them to coffee, until one day, you're sitting there, watching that person talking, and you think to yourself that you could be doing literally anything else with the precious minutes that are ticking away. You could be writing or painting or spending time in nature or pursuing that interesting person that you actually love to be around and are inspired by. I want to stop pursuing any relationship that will fall apart if I am simply myself.

Stop forcing interests/activities.

On a similar note to the above, I want to stop forcing myself to participate in activities or interests that bring nothing to me. I have often been accused of "trying to be different," or "not be like other girls," when I simply enjoy different things. I don't enjoy the feeling of makeup on my skin, I love loose comfortable clothes I feel like I can create in, and my idea of a perfect night is reading a novel on my patio and listening to the rain, or having an intimate dinner with a few people I can examine real ideas with. There is nothing inherently wrong with any interest or activity, but certain things do bring more social capital and reward, and I am simply tired of pretending I care about things like sports scores or reality TV. I can enjoy my interests while still supporting everyone else's right to enjoy theirs, even if I don't personally enjoy them.

Stop relying on social media for the CREATIVE RUSH that I should be getting from creating.

Social media can be a great marketing tool and can be very entertaining. But it can also be the swirling pool where all of my creative impulses go to die. It is so easy to spend hours scrolling, looking at aesthetic mood boards and watching other artists talk about their work and diagnosing myself with yet another "trauma response" that is just part of the fucking human condition.

I don't hate social media by any means. But I know that when I spend my creative time on these apps instead of sitting down into the terrible and messy work of actually creating something new out of nothing, my creative impulse dwindles, until even the simplest creative act becomes an enormous effort.

So I am limiting the time per week I'm allowed to spend watching videos of others doing the thing I should be doing myself, and I will spend that time dedicating myself to my work.

Stop relying on food for a dopamine rush.

Yes, I am a disappointing part of the cliché of creative women struggling with every kind of eating disorder there is. I consider myself recovered, at a normal, if not aesthetic weight, and I try to focus more on creating art than on turning my body into some type of object for the world's viewing pleasure.

But my love affair with food has remained. How many nights have I smoked a blunt and rummaged the fridge just looking to feel something. Or, to avoid feeling something. When I should have been having a deep conversation or working on my book or even just getting some sleep, so I can face the world without being exhausted in the morning.

I will always love a fresh croissant or a beautifully cooked meal. The colors, the textures, the layers of salt and heat and sweetness singing together. But what I don't need to do anymore is depend on food to pick me up after one of those days-that-simply-won't end. Instead, I need to get into bed and sleep, and end the day.

Stop waiting for inspiration and do the damn work.

Inspiration sounds lovely. It really does. It's in so many movies and books and Instagram posts and TikTok reals. The artist madly working away in a dark environment, coming out pale and triumphant with the NEW WORK. And yes, we've all had a brief session driven by mania, where our lives may look like this for a day or two, but the reality is that growing in any craft requires day-in-and-day-out dedication to sitting your ass down and working away at the damn thing even when it feels like you're slogging through mud. I suppose this goes along with the social media point -- since I'd often find myself scrolling for hours, looking for just the right sliver of inspiration to trick my brain into action, rather than just sitting down and pushing my way through the hard beginning of a work session.

My creativity is like a well-pump. When I work every day, even just a little, it stays primed. When I ignore it because of self doubt, or because I've reached a difficult part of a project, it dries out, and it takes a long time to get the flow working again.

I will be trying to follow this list over the next month and will report back with the results. If you're a creative of any kind, what do you find gets most in the way of your own creative flow?