#as a genderqueer trans person myself I really love your idea

[acornered]

@tr1ppykay if you haven't decided on an artist yet, I'd highly recommend Katy Wiedemann if you are in/can get to the east coast usa (her insta is the first result on google). She used to be a scientific illustrator and her insect tattoos are GORGEOUS. She's done 2 bug tattoos for me (a spotted lanternfly on my shoulder and a cicada chest piece), and the whole experience from seeing her initial design to the healed work on my body years later is amazing.

hi! i have a slightly weird question. im planning on getting another bug tattoo, but this one is going to have a lot of meaning. my idea is a gynandromorphic dragonfly as a full back tattoo, since dragonflies represent freedom, transformation and harmony- it is meant to represent my transition and self realization as an androgynous genderfluid person, the harmony between my different genders, and the freedom i feel from expressing my identity. the problem is i am having a hard time finding good, clear photo sources of any examples of gynandromorphism in dragonflies. if you have any i would greatly appreciate it. (ideally i would like to include a full life cycle up the length of my spine, but if there aren't any photos of it in nymphs as well i understand)

alternatively, i could always cheat and create my own image, in that case do you know which species of dragonflies have the most visible sexual dimorphism so the design can read clearly? thanks in advance :)

That's a great tattoo idea! Unfortunately I have never come across photos of a bilateral gynandromorph dragonfly. There are tons of dragonflies with obvious sexual dimorphism, but since I don't know what colors/patterns might appeal to you personally, it's hard to narrow it down. I would say visit iNat (link below) and look at the photos of dragonfly species all over the world - any that you like, you can click on and sort the photos by male or female so you can see the differences. Bonus that once you settle on a species you like, there'll be many MANY reference photos for you and your artist to choose from. Hopefully that's helpful! https://www.inaturalist.org/observations?place_id=any&taxon_id=47927&view=species

[fuck-you-upmusicbracket]

I/Me/Myself (Will Wood)

I wish I could be a girl, and that way/You'd wish I could be your girlfriend, boyfriend/Am I pretty enough to love back?/No not yet/I wish I could be a girl, and really/I'd prefer it if you would use I/Me/Myself/Am I pretty enough, am I pretty enough to fucking die?

"Do you KNOW what the line “I am quantum physics, my witness brings me into existence” has DONE to me. to my psyche. because it’s like. okay so I’m so sorry if you know all of this already but in quantum physics theres something called the observer effect, where if you you measure something, it affects it. Like by checking tyre pressure, you have to let some air out, so you can’t physically measure it without changing what you’re measuring. in normal day to day life (like the tyre) this doesn’t really matter, because the effect is so small that you can basically ignore it. but quantum physics deals with really REALLY small shit so every single effect matters. Basically. observation of an object changes it’s state. this line is about acceptance. the euphoria of someone calling you by your preferred pronouns or chosen name. observation changing your state. It might seem small to others- someone who’s never been misgendered in their life it’s not even something that would occur to them, but to a trans/nb person who’s being observed, being SEEN? it’s everything. AND THE SHEER PUNCH OF “say my name like a slur, but I’ve been called worse” like. FUCK. oaky I think I’ve rambled enough about One Entire Line so lemme just wrap this up by saying that Will Wood is a cis man who ID’ as genderqueer for a while before realising that he wasn’t, he just had some internalised shit about being gnc and not traditionally masculine to work through, so he wrote this song about his frustrations with gender in general and about how clinging to an identity that didn’t fit him can hurt you"

Landslide (Fleetwood Mac)

Well, I've been afraid of changin'/'Cause I've built my life around you/But time makes you bolder/Even children get older/And I'm getting older too/Oh, I'm getting older too

"It's LANDSLIDE. LISTEN TO IT. Quoting Genius.com: Nicks wrote “Landslide” while in Aspen, Colorado, inspired, while looking at the mountains, by the thought that everything in her life she’d been building could come crashing down at any time. It became a tale of love and life artfully woven behind the metaphor of a snowy mountain avalanche."

Poll Runner: I love this song a lot. So peaceful and contemplative, yet raw and angsty. I had no idea Fleetwood Mac was behind it.

[kewpiekills]

Other anon was right, you've awakened some ideas in me genderwise...

Fuck yeah!

i’m very happy to hear that! i wish you well on your self discovery journey!!

but like, idk, i’ve had a few drinks and i’m gonna ramble about being fag4dyke and my relationship below the cut

as a trans person that identifies as male but still both identifies as both transmasc and transfem at different times, i never really thought i’d find a relationship that fit me as such a weird trans person. if i was born a girl i would’ve transitioned into a guy who liked to dress up as a girl, if i was born a boy i would’ve transitioned to a girl who would dress up like a guy. i still have a connection to certain gendered ideas from my past being raised as one gender. my most recent ex (also nonbinary) got the pronouns and everything right, but didn’t understand when i talked about being genderqueer in specific, being a girl but also a boy who’s a girl. my dyke had no problem with all of that, they’re a nonbinary lesbian but have certain connections to their birth gender that won’t change no matter how much transgendering takes place, and i love that. i love a complex relationship to gender.

the first time we went on an unofficial date, i remember it was the first time i’d ever been around someone who wasn’t family where i felt like i could let my guard down. i’ve always had to be the one hyper aware of my friends and i’s surroundings just in case. it was never something i realized i did before i went on our date and i felt like i wasn’t doing that, i was just relaxing and enjoying myself around them, i knew they could take care of me if anything came up. it was the most reassuring feeling that i remember being awestruck by it for weeks afterwards.

being a fag and dating a dyke is the best, you have no idea how good it feels to rest soundly and safely in my dyke’s big strong arms and breathe a sigh of relief, someone knows me so well, inner working and all, and still loves me so deeply despite it all.

[non-un-topo]

I think we need to talk more about the nuance of transition.

Specifically, the diversity of transition and the ways in which a person's gender and presentation can fluctuate and never reach an "end."

The first time I tried to get on T, I second-guessed and disappeared. Didn't answer calls from doctors, didn't reach out. I had seen an openly trans psychotherapist a few times as he was guiding me through the steps to accessing hormones. When he asked me when I started to feel "this way" about my gender, I answered that it had been fairly recent, maybe a few years. His response was that that was strange, because "most people figure it out when they hit puberty." Well, that shut me up and I haven't spoken to a therapist about transition since. It's clear to me now that he was approaching transness from a medical background. The medical model of course has not been a favourite of the trans community, myself included. It conceptualizes transness in terms of deficit, self-hatred, misery, and it envisions transition as an end.

This idea of end, of the reached destination, terrified me at twenty-three and it terrifies me now. How are twenty-three year olds, middle-schoolers, or kids approaching puberty, supposed to be able to envision their end, and to argue their case with such certainty if they want access to methods of transition? Where is the elbow room for change, evolution, and discovery, and even "mistakes"?

Many trans individuals, some colleagues of my own included, say they have always known who they are and what their gender is. This is the dominant trans narrative for a reason. I don't mean to discredit their words and their stories. It is not anyone's business to tell another person who they are or are not, and above all we should all continue to advocate for the voices of trans kids to be heard and honoured.

The philosophy of discovering who you "truly" are, of "finding" yourself, even of "cracking your egg" is starting to sound heavily Western and neoliberal. There is rarely a conversation about how our identities are changed by others, our environments, or by ourselves. Instead the dominant conversation around transition is centred in finding the true self. I criticize this philosophy because of its limitation. It is an end.

I recently joined a support group, and in the first meeting I attended my colleagues talked about finding their names, and about bridges. They shared stories of their own name decision-making processes, and how they used "temporary" new names as placeholders for their true names. A "bridge," they called it. I loved this sentiment. It spoke to the idea that gender and identity are more fluid than we are taught to believe, and I of course did this temporary name thing, too. But still with all of my colleagues there was this idea of truth, of finality.

I criticize it because it is another barrier of access to transition. People seeking means for medical transition are expected to be one-hundred percent, without-a-doubt-sure of their gender identity and of their future decisions regarding transition. It's starting to sound like a way to gatekeep transition, to bar access from those who are not "trans enough" because they do not fit the medical model's description. We know this. We've had these conversations before.

If we keep thinking about transness only in terms of the true self, the cracked egg, then we leave little room for those who are curious, for those who simply want to be creative with their identities, cisgender people included.

In writing this, I had to really fight the urge to go back and outline all the "clues" in my childhood that point towards my transness. I fought this because that is exactly what we as trans (genderqueer, genderfluid, trans* etc) people are supposed to do if we want to be believed. As if the only way to legitimize transness is to have "all the signs" in early childhood, as if transness is some chronic disease. Don't get me wrong --- this remembering and legitimizing works for some people, myself included. It is the way we know how to learn about ourselves. And at the same time, it is a key part of the transmedicalist approach.

We should not have to explain our histories and be certain of our futures to be believed and to have access to care.

It's an abusive relationship dynamic between the trans individual and institutions --- the desperation to explain ourselves in detail, explain our histories and our possible futures, so the institutions might allow us access to methods of transition.

The sooner we explore more possibilities beyond the idea that transness and transition are the final self, that transness is some chronic and fatal condition diagnosable from self-hatred cues in childhood, the sooner we can remove barriers of access to trans kids, and invite more people into the excitement, creativity, and nuance of trans experiences.

[danggirlronpa]

Oh, are we talking about trans headcanons??? I see someone already mentioned transfem Kazuichi, which I'm a pretty big fan of! But have you guys considered transfem Fuyuhiko? I think there's a lot of potential in that - in the fact that even in canon there's a lot of him not feeling like he really fits as the Ultimate Yakuza, and that he has to play a role to be so... I think it lends well to a transfem headcanon. Another I could see would be transfem Mondo, with how much in canon he plays up the masculinity, it could be something preformative in a transfem headcanon. I'm also a fan of transfem Kokichi & Shuichi, too - I've seen people headcanon the both of them as nonbinary, transfem, AND transmasc, and honestly? Love that for them, tbh.

I also am a big fan of transfem Makoto!!! I usually headcanon him as genderfluid, but I could also see him be a trans demigirl, tbh. I respect transmasc headcanons too even if I don't usually ascribe to them for Makoto specifically! I kind of like to think that the fact that Makoto's door gets stuck is a very funny quirk of fate in the event of him being genderfluid/nonbinary - even his door, which is supposed to be a men's one, doesn't ascribe to a binary! & Makoto using she/they/he pronouns is so real to me.

I also love to see Kiibo exploring pronouns in fics. Like, in canon they use he/him (at least in the localization) but I like to believe they experiment with different ones for a while, just to see if they like them.

I also tend to see Hajime as nonbinary, using he/they pronouns too! That's not exactly a transfem headcanon, but yeah.

I also love the idea of nonbinary kaede as well - using she/they pronouns. Maybe in the event of transfem Shuichi or Kokichi, she helps them explore their gender at first.

I could also see Tsumugi as being genderfluid or otherwise genderqueer in some way - she defaults to she/her but she doesn't mind other pronouns, and oftentimes go with he/him when complying a male character.

This one's more controversial, but I also love the idea of nonbinary Junko with possible internalized transphobia. Like, I think the fact that she keeps making alter egos that are male (Monokuma, Shirokuma, and Kurokuma) lends well to this, but I also keep going back to that line monokuma said about being neither male nor female because there's no gender in the animal kingdom. Incredibly nonbinary thing to say. Of course, I think how Junko handles being nonbinary is somewhat dependent on what you headcanon Chihiro as - but if you headcanon Chihiro as a transwoman and Junko as transphobic towards her, it could somewhat be from internalized transphobia- like, her having the idea that "if I'm fine with being a woman even though I feel like this about it, you should be fine with your assigned sex too!" Or even the idea that she cannot fathom why someone would WANT to be a woman in the first place - like, what reason would you have to subject yourself to it if not malicious ones or weakness? Since she is so disconnected or even discontent from "womanhood". If you see Chihiro as nonbinary, Junko not understanding or even being bitter that they get to reject the binary but she doesn't could also make sense, and her putting them in the "male" box would almost be from jealousy and spite. If you headcanon Chihiro as a transmale, it becomes a) somewhat hilarious that Junko, the big bad of the series, accepts their gender and b) Chihiro could be the person who teaches her about this stuff in a pre-despair setting, and maybe even make her realize she's nonbinary. I know it's.... slightly problematic to headcanon the main villain of the series who has shown she is possibly transphobic (depending on how you see Chihiro again) as trans, but I think it's... fine if you also headcanon other characters as so and not just the villains. Plus, I'm nonbinary myself, so I think it's allowed.

Those are the ones I can remember off the top of my head! I love trans headcanons <3

There's so much good stuff here!! I can't address all of it, but a couple of my favorites:

I LOOOVE transfem Mondo, it's one of my absolute favorite transfem headcanons. The way it changes that trial from "horrifying trans panic" to "the tragedy of someone with extensive internalized transphobia meeting someone who is further along on their journey and lashing out in unrealized jealousy, ultimately destroying the version of themself they wish to be"...MWAH. The type of tragedy that can only belong to someone transitioning. The consequences of self loathing, both in harming others and harming ourselves, made manifest! But with GENDER.

I'm sure this is just part of the rest of that line, but the phrase "they canonically use he/him pronouns" is so funny. Power to K1-B0 for being incomprehensible wrt gender just in general. Love that agender kid

I am actually a big fan of transmasc Junko! (And I'll use he/him for Junko real fast to emphasize this point) I think the idea of Junko as someone who experiences a huge amount of dysphoria when he's perceived as feminine, who then goes out of his way to present himself as a champion of gyaru culture and hyper-femininity, making it so that, even if he one day receives the mental health treatment he obviously needs, he will always be associated with this incredibly female-oriented culture...that's despair. That's the type of shit you do at rock bottom. I have BEEN there my man. EDIT:

we are on the EXACT SAME PAGE anon 🤝

I actually did, genuinely, think Shuichi was a butch girl until I played the game, and was SO excited to finally see rep of my actual high school self. Wearing hats to cover dysphoria-inducing hairstyle? Emo makeup to escape the Social Makeup Norms? hangs out with kaede??? that's one of us right there

[poussacha]

Fic Writers: What's your top 5 favourite fanfictions you've ever written?

I should be writing, but I'm gonna do this. I was tagged by absolutely no one I'm just chaotic and thought this would be fun.

Starting with:

5 - ten rings

Rated E | Doctor Who & Iron Man | Tony Stark/Rose Tyler | 29k

Archive Warnings: Violence & Major Character Death

Summary: Tony Stark goes missing on a routine trip to Afghanistan. Rose and Pepper are together when Pepper gets the call.

Why do you like it? This story was from a very different time in my life. I started writing this in 2018, so pre-COVID and it was a story I'd been trying to write in my head for years. But I had this idea that I couldn't write fanfiction because I'm a published author and it would've been wrong so I came up with an entire original story for this and it was this massive multi-media undertaking that really took a lot of time and space when I could've just told this fic from the get-go. This is when my writing started to sort of turn around. It's the 5th part in the collide series (an AU where Tony Stark and Rose Tyler meet and fall in love in Pete's World).

4 - every minute it makes me weaker

Rated E | Loki (TV 2021) | Loki/Mobius M. Mobius | 8k

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Summary: Loki reflects on his past and his relationships while he and Mobius comes to terms with who they are to one another. May or may not contain more metaphors for love.

Why do you like it? I kind of wrote this story as a joke, but then I got caught up in playing with pretty imagery and purple prose. Things I'd never really let myself explore in the past. But Loki is so flowery and dramatic I couldn't help it. This sort of solidified my style moving forward. I like to take a more poetic approach to writing narrative now because of this fic specifically.

3 - what are you after? (some kind of disaster)

Rated G | Boy Meets World | Gen (Morgan & Eric Matthews) | 2k

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Summary: Eric has known for a long time that he's different from other people. He hides it well, pushes himself to fit in, be popular, be the preppy good boy skirt-chaser everyone expects him to be. Except, when he has a rare moment alone, he allows himself the space to become the person Eric wants to be and Morgan just so happens to be around to witness it this time.

Why do you like it? I was rewatching Boy Meets World and wanted to add more context to Eric as a character. I think both Eric and Shawn would be genderfluid/genderqueer and I wish they would've played with that more. So I wrote a story about Eric coming out to Morgan. It's self-indulgent and I have like a million of these in various stages of being written. Even one where Jack has to reconcile his feelings for Eric because he loves him as a girl, but doesn't feel as close to him when he's using he/him pronouns and it's an entire discussion on comphet and internalised homophobia and honestly it's really healing for me to write things like this as a trans person.

2 - coming out of my cage and i've been doing just fine

Rated M | The Santa Clause & The Santa Clauses | Bernard the Arch Elf/Charlie Calvin, Charlie Calvin/Maria Calvin | 25k

Archive Warnings: Underage (Read the tags)

Summary: The first time Charlie Calvin becomes painfully aware of his own queerness, he's sat in Bernard's workshop watching him shake his hair out of his face like he has a million times before. It's so unremarkable, so incredibly mundane, but, to Charlie, it's something momentous.

Why do you like it? When The Santa Clauses came out I was really surprised what they did with Charlie's character. How they gave him this shrill, unrelenting wife and 2.5 kids with a house in Florida. When Charlie was probably one of my biggest queer influences growing up. Like as a kid I really held on to the idea of him being kind of in love with Bernard. I don't know. It also really annoyed me how they just made Maria (her name is Marie I know but fuck that) a shitty one-dimensional sitcom wife character without giving her a better voice and how Charlie spent their entire marriage lying to her about his dad. That didn't sit well with me. So I wrote this to give him a reason to lie. And I gave him the queer awakening he fucking deserved.

1 - After Midnight

Rated T | An Extremely Goofy Movie | Max Goof/Bradley Uppercrust III, Max Goof/Roxanne Rover | 98k

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply (Mind the tags and TW at the top of every chapter)

Summary: It’s Max’s first year at university. She arrives on campus with her two best friends PJ and Bobby in Bobby’s beat up sleeper van from the 1970s that reeks of musk, weed, and boy sweat. She doesn’t know yet what this year has in store, but she hopes it’s something to remember.

Bradley is in his final year in law school. Just trying to graduate, pass the bar, and move on with his life. That is, until someone comes along to change his perspective.

Why do you like it? God. This fic. I started writing it based on an idea foisted upon me by my friend (or well, friends plural sort of) that I should write a fanfic series for AEGM based on Chappell Roan's Midwest Princess album. And Chappell found me at a really hard time in my life. I lost my job, my cat got sick, I was ill, my best friend got ill. It was a lot. So writing this series became a sort of catharsis for me. A way to make myself feel productive while being out of work, but I REALLY wanted to do Chappell justice with my works. She's such an incredible human being I didn't want to just tell easy stories. I wanted to create whole worlds to her lyrics. I wanted to give to her music what she gave to me. The freedom and love I felt every single time I listened to this album. And honestly? This is the best thing I've ever fucking written in my life. So. Thank you Chappell and thank you to my friend(s) who pushed me to write this series.

I tag @madammuffins @writingdreamer @writingbetweenshadows @bellejolras

[strangejellyfishluminary]

Kraken

I am so very tired of performing endlessly for the world

I am tired of not being masculine enough to be queer

I don’t feel like a woman but the world keeps calling me

Miss. Girl. Little Lady. Have a nice day, Ma’am.

I smile. Act like it doesn’t bother me, but

Every time I’m misgendered the pressure builds inside

I want to scream but that’s not polite

That’s not ‘ladylike’ and it’s not constructive 

But when people ignore my identity

I don’t feel like constructing relationships

I don’t feel like building bridges with people

That continuously treat me like I’m subhuman

Like, i don’t deserve to pee in peace in public

Like, my existence is a phase or trend

As if I’d choose this life of 

‘Not vaguely masculine enough’ to be truly androgynous

‘Not gay enough’ to really actually be pansexual

‘Making too many sex jokes’ to be asexual

‘Not trans enough’ to be genderqueer

‘Not dating enough women, trans, nonbinary people’

To be a part of the LGBTQ+ community

‘Not out to my family’ to be valid

‘Not visible publicly enough’ to be proud of my identity

‘Not struggling enough just to exist’

Who are you to tell me to keep my head up

When I’m barely treading water at times

Gasping for breath, panic at the discovery

That people i thought were ally’s

Have left me out to dry, alone and parched,

Lips chapped from begging to be seen

To be heard, to be acknowledged as a real human being

I am not your unicorn, mystical creature of pure love

I am the kraken, being crushed in the depths of the dark

Vilified for defending myself and being misunderstood

Miss gendered. Miss taken for someone that won’t fight back

But I’m so tired of fighting, of being alone, feeling isolated

From my community. Beaten down, I’m so tired,

You have no idea how tired, I just want to curl up

Stop the fighting, stop trying, stop hurting

Stop the pain. I just want some peace

Some rest. Why can’t I just rest

I need some rest from this madness in my head

I feel so lost, lonely, separate from friends and loved ones

Even amongst this crowd of love and support

I can’t feel it, it doesn’t seep in, this warmth can’t penetrate

The ice barriers of fear, words of comfort get lost

In the swamps of sadness, I cling to Artax, my childhood,

As it sinks and disappears, like my last fuck about life

I clung to my last fuck, hoping that maybe someone would see

Someone would notice, I’m trying, I keep trying

But I just don’t know if I can try anymore!

That’s it, I think I’m done, it’s too late.

You’re too late, no! I won’t accept, I can’t accept,

No! You pity me, that’s the only reason you came back

You don’t actually love me, I don’t believe you!

I can’t believe that you would actually love me!

I’m broken, oh so very broken, and it’s too late to fix this

To fix me, I’m at the end of the rope and dangling

I’m so tired and so sick of being a burden

I just wanted to be loved, accepted, is that so much to ask for?

I used to love myself, but now I don’t even recognize this person in the mirror

Who is that, ugly, pimply, sweaty, nervous wreck!

That red faced, snot nosed, unwashed nasty bitch

She, no, I mean, they haven’t showered in weeks

Disgusting cunt, when’s the last time you brushed your teeth

I can’t look at you, but that doesn’t matter

I can’t even get out of bed or take my meds

Sleeping is about all i have energy for anymore

Waking up from uncertain dreams and nightmares

Where life is one continuous gauntlet of taunting homophobes

And never having a body that fits my identity

And never having friends or family use my name or pronouns correctly

And never feeling safe to exist as my true authentic self

How can I get out of this hell? 

By creating a chosen family, and choosing who gets to be included

Blood related or no, loved ones that respect my identity

Regardless of if they can or want to accept my identity,

Those people that choose to treat me as human,

Those people that don’t call me by my dead name

Those that correct themselves politely

Those that make the effort to use my proper pronouns

That is the bare minimum

And the bare minimum that I can do?

Because the only person I can control is myself

Is to take each week, each day, 

Each hour, minute, second and moment

One step at a time. Deep breath.

Focus. Stop. count the colors in a painting.

Stop. the pain won't stop. Deep breath.

Count to ten. One. two. Three. Four.

I can do this. I can do this.

Five. six. Seven. You’ve got this, Miss Universe.

Eight. Nine. ten. Deep breath. 

Focus. What kind of future do you want to build?

Deep breath. Eat. drink water. Take your meds.

Focus. Spend time with healthy supportive friends.

And I stress that they must be healthy and supportive!

Deep breath. It’s okay to walk away from 

Unhealthy, maladaptive, coping skills as well as

Those codependent or toxic relationships.

Deep breath. It’s okay if you lose some friends.

You will lose some friends BUT 

You will keep the ones that are healthy

The ones that create communities

Be they queer, straight, able bodied, disabled

Whatever form, culture, gender, sexuality, nationality

These communities we create and are a part of

Are full of human beings ready to provide acceptance and love

Community is such a strong supportive resource

Reaching out, spending time with my queer community,

My veteran community, my college community,

Communities that sometimes overlap, 

Communities that I can rely on for support

[genderqueerdykes]

I'm AFAB but I love dressing up as a boy. I cut my hair masculine and I wear boy clothes and a binder sometimes and I love it I love looking at myself like that. But also I don't hate dressing feminine? My boyfriend has obviously taken note of all this and is seemingly waiting for me to bring it up in conversation but I'm so scared. I don't know where this journey will end up and I'm afraid of admitting that. If it turns out I'm a trans man will he not want to be with me anymore? I think it's far more likely I'm nonbinary because the idea of people using neopronouns or not knowing my gender excites me. I'm just really worried about making any changes or having any conversations because things are really good right now and I know my boyfriend is attracted to me being feminine. Ugh! I just don't know what to do

Hey, I think that's a good thing to want to bring up and talk about!

Just because you like dressing up as a boy, doesn't mean you can't also enjoy being feminine. You don't have to hate being feminine or even hate being a girl just because you like being a guy, they don't cancel each other out =) As you said, you could be a nonbinary person, you don't automatically have to be a trans man because you are a boy sometimes, or like to be masculine. You could be a nonbinary person who has fluid presentation, and likes being feminine sometimes, and masculine other times. You could also be genderqueer, or gender non conforming. if you are a trans man, it's totally okay if you still also identify as feminine, or even a girl! you don't have to hate femininity to be a trans man

I will say I do hope that your boyfriend is accepting of you being masculine. I can understand if that's just not his thing, but what I'm trying to say is if you enjoy dressing up and presenting that way, you shouldn't force yourself to be in a situation where you can't be yourself. It doesn't seem like much, but if it's really important to you, it will get to you after a while for not being able to do that thing. I hope you're able to sort things out between the two of you, and figure out what that part of your identity means to you =) take care

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

I have tried before the advice of internalised biphobia but sadly it doesn’t work on me, it only makes me feel worse and guilty. I feel that way whenever i try to “force myself” to accept myself i feel worse because I can’t, or if I do I can make it last long. The only queer friend i have never had any major issues on accepting his identity and that makes me feel more alone, esp because his identity is significantly “more queer” than mine (he’s trans, nonbinary and ace-spec and im a bisexual genderqueer woman).

I think one of my biggest worries about being bi is how that will affect my life. I don’t want my life to change significantly just because I happen to be bi. I have 2 queer classmates and they both post a lot about being queer, post pictures with flags, etc. I don’t want to do that, even though a part of me would love having a bi flag in my room for example, but I don’t want other people to think im weird or that being queer is my only personality trait. It doesn’t help that I have always been a quiet person, so i’m not exactly used to drawings attention to myself.

Thanks for your answers, they did make me feel better. I guess i still have a lot of work to do. I would have gone off anon but i’m too coward to do that atm ;-;

No queer person is "more queer" than another. Thinking that is in itself an aspect of internalised biphobia, the fact that you think you are somehow less queer than someone else because you give a hierarchy to different gender identities and sexuality - that's not healthy, neither for you nor the queer community as a whole.

And I know I said this before but I'm gonna say this again: just because you see some queer people that you know behave a certain way does NOT mean you have to do the same. You are your own person and whichever way you want to express your queerness is up to you. It's not necessary to "do it right" in order to be a "real queer". However, you also say you wish you could have a bi flag but you are too afraid of what people might think. You say you are afraid that people will think you are weird if they know you are queer. Though I understand where this fear is coming from, maybe try not to prove to the world how "normal" you are but start learning that there's nothing wrong about being "weird". That's literally what "queer" meant and we have reclaimed that word and taken pride in it to say "so what if we're weird? we like being weird!" to the world.

This idea of "making queerness your only personality trait" is ALSO internalised queerphobia. It's a trend I've seen pop up mostly on online queer spheres over the last few years that people say this especially about young queer people. It's queerphobic because a) it views queerness as something negative or something that should be kept quiet about and b) it assumes that these queer people are one-dimensional people. Just because someone posts about their queerness online and/or is very out & proud offline does not mean that is "their only personality trait". People who have a problem with this don't really have a problem with the "only" part - they have a problem with the queerness part of it.

I really don't know what else to say or to advise you except to reitterate that you are definitely not alone. Just because your one friend had it relatively easy in their coming out doesn't mean you are less valid or that you are the only person who struggles. This blog would not exist if it was just you who needed help. So please reach out to more resources, ideally offline if that's possible where you live. Or at the very least try talking to your queer friends and classmates. Like those two who post about it online - the fact they are posting a lot about it might very well be their way of overcoming their own struggles with being queer. Don't just assume that everything is easy peasy for them by what it looks like online.

Maddie

[soulvomit]

stuff with gender anguish about not fitting in with today’s current gender constructions

From another post I made: I need to talk about 20th century gender norms at some point as a living breathing 20th century fossil and how different it was. To most straight people, being gender non conforming meant gay, trans was on the far end of the gay spectrum, and gay was associated with being socially Not Normal at a time when you had to be Normal to get a white collar job. (The whole Normalhood thing im gonna talk about is VERY connected to mid-late 20th century construction of the white middle class.) Apropos of gender specifically... I’m not sure how 90s/00s genderfluid/genderqueer map to NB, or whether they do. It’s a big reason I am weird about IDing as NB - because it seems to mean something else than my particular understanding of my identity as it was formed in the 1990s. (Another thing is my social world being more people over 45 at this point and also I’m in a hetero relationship.) Part of 90s GQ stuff was that you could identify as a man part time, a woman part time, you could contain multitudes. “Woman-identified person with a male side” was a legit identity within that, so was “man-identified person with a female side.” You could be one person in the streets and another in the sheets. You could be several people in the sheets, especially if you were aligned with kinky culture. (And for a long time... I was.) There was a greater sense in the 90s and early 00s in genderqueerness culture that you could be GQ for no other reason than wanting to be and it wasn’t assumed to be bundled with physical dysphoria or even desire to change your public social identity. Some spaces - like West Coast geek culture and goth culture - had enough flexibility baked in that we didn’t really need to go to LGBTQ culture to explore our identities, and there was a whole geek queer sensibility that was evolving alongside of the broader LGBTQ culture that was definitely its own... thing.  And while people *say* that NB doesn’t mean any one particular thing or any of these things, that’s not always the message I get when visible NBs on TV/in film are almost always at present one very specific image or “type” of person, and that doesn’t resemble me. NB representation on TV amounts to presenting NB as a third gender with very specific codified behaviors (androgynous AFAB person who binds and has body dysphoria).   The message I get is that whatever my experience is, is better described some other way. Also the discourse around relationships with NBs is that a relationship with an NB is necessarily a queer relationship yet having been in relationships in and out of LGBTQ culture, I’m not really sure how to distinguish “a queer relationship.” My relationship is non-traditional in lots of ways and we’re both gender non-conforming in lots of ways though it doesn’t parse to most people because it’s along the lines of stuff that shouldn’t have ever been gendered in the first place. What my partner does not ever question however is his actual gender identity.  The thing is, actually publicly identifying as anything but a woman would create weird problems in my life in terms of social dynamics, and other stuff, and probably an unpredictable series of ripple effects downstream. But - that... just means I’m closeted, right? And closeted doesn’t mean your identity doesn’t exist or isn’t as unreal as someone who isn’t? And what if - as a “shapeshifter” - my relationship to myself within my relationship *is* part of that shapeshifting?  One of the things is that I’m in a heterosexual relationship. My relationship *is* one of my few spots where I’m happy in my skin, let alone happy in the world and I have no complaints with how I’m perceived in this relationship, and part of it is that practically every assumption about my gender is true, or has been true at some point, including the fact that I’m fine with being seen as a woman in the context of my relationship.  It’s in other spaces besides the intimate, that gender stuff makes my skin crawl. My deep interior gender identity is “pixels floating in the ether, which can assume any shape or form.” My gender identity among other people in non sexual friend spaces is “friend.” My partner identifies as a cis het man. I don’t feel like my relationship has any special quality that’s different from queer relationships I’ve been in, other than identities people have. If my partner doesn’t feel our relationship is queer then I don’t feel it is, either... though it’s not exactly *traditional.*  I don’t feel like our relationship is different from our hetero neighbors’ relationships regardless of whatever history I have. I have no way of knowing what my ostensibly-female ostensibly-heterosexual neighbors’ interior identities really are, or what their history is. And because we’re monogamous, it just never ever comes up. Our social world is about half queer and half not so nothing has changed. After decades of only dating people who had LGBTQ identities, and having a particular social world, now I’m with a cis het man from that same social world and nothing really has changed about the shape of my life.   I’ve moved between different spaces my entire life, sometimes I perceived myself as a boy in a girl’s body, but sometimes I didn’t, and don’t. And gender is one of the spaces in which I feel like a chameleon. There seem to be a ton of gender expression based communities that disappeared since the 90s that either disappeared or were erased from discourse and that makes this weirder/harder to talk about.  Another thing is that a lot of the discourse around pronouns (if pushed I’ll say I’m she/they but I am literally comfortable in anything, depending upon context) makes me really uncomfortable. Even in LGBTQ spaces it makes me uncomfortable. There’s the me that my friends know, and some of my family knows, and it’s a big enough world to contain that part of me at this point. I would rather not put my identity under a microscope in any space that matters. It’s weird but I wish I could just be “they” in the work, creative, etc, spaces, without the loading of what “they” means. I wish it meant nothing about the people who love me, or who I love, or how I love, or how I live my life, besides what pronoun I use. But it doesn’t mean nothing. That is why I hope more cis identified people will actually identify as they in the public sphere. There are plenty of spaces in the public sphere that I don’t think should be gendered at ALL. My wanting to be a “they” is in some ways more about wanting public anonymity and having formed my sense of self - at a tender time - online, than about my gender identity. Which means I’d be potentially appropriating “they” from people for whom it IS a deep identity, and yet... haven’t I spent half of my blog talking about how I’m not exactly the gender identity I advertise?? Haven’t I spent a long time up to now advocating for “they?” Isn’t feeling like a they, evidence that I’m a they?  And the thing is, this is such a YMMV issue and the problem is that EVERYONE has competing access needs with EVERYONE ELSE. Anything one queer person wants or needs seems to oppress some other queer person, and it sucks. But sometimes I wonder if I even need to just recognize how cis het passing my life is and acknowledge my privilege. The thing is though at that point... is it how much oppression we’ve experienced or are currently experiencing, that alone makes our identity? That’s as silly an idea as saying I’m less of a Jew because I haven’t personally experienced a hate crime. And yes there’s a lot to shared oppression experiences forming group identities, but I’m not talking about group identity. I’m talking about personal feelings of identity.

[trans-advice]

Sorry in advance for how long this got!!

I kind of put myself in an uncomfortable position and I’m not sure what to do. For context, I was assigned female at birth. I’ve always felt pushed into a box by my own gender. I’ve always felt connected to the LGBTQ+ community but had a hard time figuring myself out. Over a year and a half ago, I realized I may be trans. And for a while, I identified as a trans man. This label felt really comfortable at the time. My whole family is really transphobic, but I wanted to open up to someone about it so I ended up coming out to my friend. Said friend is the closest person to me in my life, we literally talk every day. He accepted me and hasn’t told anyone. However, a few months ago I grew really uncomfortable with the label “man”. I don’t feel connected to it at all anymore. I don’t think I really like the label “woman” either, though. I guess I realized that when I was trying to get out of one box that I was forced into, I ended up putting myself into another one. And I don’t like either of them. I’m just me. Considering myself nonbinary or genderqueer is a lot more comfortable, but I’m not really rushing to give myself an exact label. The issue is, I feel kind of awkward about how I came out to my friend. My whole family views me as a cis girl, which isn’t correct but I’m used to it. But now my closest friend thinks of me as a trans man which I now know definitely isn’t right. I feel weird about it. There’s now these two perceptions of my gender and neither are right, and both make me dysphoric. Not only that, I feel kind of bad. I feel like I unintentionally lied to my friend and now he has a false idea of me in his head. I don’t really know what to do. I want to tell him how I feel now so I can lift some of this weight off of my shoulders, but I’m really embarrassed. I’m afraid that I’ll come of as indecisive/confused. Or like I just want attention. A part of me though thinks he won’t really care (probably the more reasonable outcome). But it could also be a mix of both. Regardless of what he’d think of it, I know he’d be nice about it. My insecurities are probably clouding my judgement on the situation. He’s not a very judgmental person when it comes to things like this. Like I said, he’s the closest person I have in my life so it matters to me that I can be honest with him. I just don’t really know how to go about it, or how to get over the embarrassment of telling him in the first place. I’d appreciate some form of advice on the situation because I’m not sure what to say

Regarding your feelings of honesty or not, you came out with the vocabulary & such you had at the time.

Secondly, while we can't control it, our gender identities can change over time. Genderfluidity is a spectrum, some experience quick changes & some have that happen once in their lives.

It sounds like you trust him. The world is messy. I think your plan sounds good.

Good Luck, Peace & Love,

Eve

[commonwealthoccurences]

Companions React (+Maxson): Sole Comes Out As FtM

Note: I used he/him pronouns in this since the request was for a trans male Sole. However, if this was a misstep on my behalf (I am fully aware pronouns don’t equal gender so I may be wrong to assume all or most trans men use he/him pronouns), or if any part of this was handled poorly, please let me know so I can educate myself and come back and edit this. Thank you!

Cait:

Aggressively casual in response

“Ah, alright. What’s your real name so I don’t fuck up and call ya by your dead one?”

Honestly… doesn’t really react otherwise. She rolls with it quite easily and doesn’t feel the need for conversation unless it’s to make Sole more comfortable and for him to understand that she supports him fully.

Not good with emotions, though, so her support is gruff and short

She does her best

Very willing to beat the shit out of anyone who tries anything

Curie:

Enthusiastically supportive

“Oh, that’s wonderful monsieur! Congratulations!”

Beaming and gives Sole a big hug

Just wants him to know he’s always loved and accepted with her and isn’t afraid to ramble to make sure that gets through

Very conscious about what might make Sole dysphoric and is very adept about casually navigating around that stuff (ie subtly taking care of things that might be upsetting if she can)

Danse:

Easily summarized as “A little confused, but he’s got the spirit”

“Ah, congratulations Soldier.” A long pause. “I’m not quite sure what that entails.”

Fully on board once he gets the memo, just needs some guidance on what makes Sole most comfortable

Sole may find him practicing his name and pronouns over and over to himself- “This is Sole, he’s our best soldier.” or “Sole is the ideal recruit for this mission; he’ll know exactly how to handle it.”- when he thinks Sole can’t hear him.

Listens very attentively whenever Sole explains an aspect of his identity/transition to him

Just wants to make sure Sole’s happy

Deacon:

Also extremely casual

“Oh, nice Boss!” and goes for a high five

(I hc Deacon as nonbinary and genderqueer/agender) Quite knowledgeable already, so he doesn’t need much explanation other than personal preferences for things

Cuts in to quietly and politely remind people when other Railroad members slip up on pronouns/name.

Gage:

Confused and short about it but willing to learn

Also not one for many words so he just nods in response and does his best

May not vocally be enthusiastic like Curie but Sole’s overboss nameplate switches from their deadname to his real name overnight after he finds out

Doesn’t make a big show of it but he’s very quietly and behind-the-scenes supportive

Once again, unless someone tries some shit. Then he’s willing to break some bones.

Hancock:

“Damn, Sunshine. Now I’m not the handsome half anymore. I’m alright with bein’ the pretty one, though.”

Semi-casual, though he does ask a few questions to make sure he’s got the information he needs to make sure Sole is happy and he handles everything correctly

Gets very excited about the idea of matching uniforms

Plops his hat on Sole’s head and pats him on the back

Asks if they wanna get high in celebration

Haylen:

Quiet as Sole explains and then nods and mulls it over to make sure she’s understood everything correctly

Asks a few questions but doesn’t need much information other than Sole explaining what he needs to feel comfortable (real name, pronouns, etc)

After their conversation is over she stands and glances around before inviting him to tea

Tries to use it as a signal that nothing’s changed between them other than her getting to watch him become more comfortable with himself

MacCready:

“Oh… okay. Do we need to get you new clothes or are you okay with borrowing mine for now?”

Catches on pretty damn quickly, though his father instincts kick in and he becomes a bit over-worried

“This won’t give you dysphoria, right? I wanted to buy you new shirts as a surprise but I didn’t want to get it wrong.”

Frets that he might do something upsetting, but isn’t overbearing about it

Checks in to make sure he’s been handling everything correctly and hasn’t done anything to upset Sole every now and then

Maxson:

“Of course, Soldier. I’ll let them know to correct your paperwork and holotags immediately.”

Requests they stay for lunch so Sole can explain what this means in regards to changes around the ship and how he refers to him

Asks him how he wants to tell the others in the Brotherhood and how he can help Sole with that

Doesn’t show much emotion and is mostly business-like other than:

“Know that you have my support, Soldier. If you have any issues let me know and they will be resolved immediately.”

Nick:

“Sounds good, kid. What do I call you from now on?”

Checks in emotionally after Sole’s explanation to make sure that 1. No one’s been an ass and 2. He’s doing okay mentally

Lowkey has extra conversations with Ellie so they both can practice Sole’s name and pronouns

Piper:

Doesn’t need much of an explanation and catches on quite easily

She and Nat also practice Sole’s name and pronouns together when Sole’s not around

Nat helps her make a new honorary-journalist’s hat for him with his real name

Preston:

Needs a more in depth discussion; it’s not like he’s never met a trans man, but it was never a discussed thing. It was “Yup. He’s a dude.” and moving on.

Asks some questions to better understand Sole’s experiences

More serious and calm.

“You’ve always got my support, General.”

X6-88:

Literally no reaction

Switches name and pronouns easily and doesn’t blink about it

Can come across cold in his response- “Yes, sir.” and moves on

It’s not a topic of conversation to him to be honest, he makes the changes to make sure Sole’s comfortable, but doesn’t have a Preston or Curie type response

Unless Sole expresses discomfort about his casual handling of it, he doesn’t react much

[applesandbannas747]

hi! i just recently got into fence and i read your answer about your thoughts on Eugene being trans or not. as a preface, i really don't care what you want him to be, that's your headcanon and you can do whatever you want with it.

however i do find it a little off to say that the reason you prefer him as cis is because you want him to be feminine. trans men can absolutely be feminine and it doesn't have anything to do with their gender. the things you mentioned you enjoy, like him being a caretaker, are great!! i love the idea of him being a very caring brother and son, i think that fits really well with his character! but it isn't exclusive to being feminine, and i don't think it's good to imply that trans men cannot be like that. if Bobby was a trans guy, would you think that his gender is less than because he wears skirts and bows?

again, headcanon Eugene as whatever you want and have fun, i just want you to be aware that your reasoning, at least what you put down, can be hurtful. both trans and cis guys can be caring and emotionally mature, gender doesn't dictate that.

Hey anon, thanks for dropping in!

I can for sure see where you're coming from, and let me just start out by saying I in no way think--or mean to imply--that gender presentation or personality has anything to do with actual gender. feminine guys are as much men as masculine guys, trans or cis. The thing is, the way you're raised and socialized as a child plays into how you are as an adult--as a genderqueer person myself and with several trans siblings, this is an aspect of trans/genderqueerness I think is interesting to think and talk about because I know and have seen the ways socialization as kids has played into who we are now. In general, when you are socialized as female growing up, you are explicitly taught how to empathetic and kind, how to cook and clean and be a good caretaker--society expects you to be softer and kinder, and whether you conform to that or not, there is something of it that gets internalized. And that sticks with you in some way whatever you end up identifying as later in life. If you're socialized as male, society doesn't expect you to assume all these roles. My thing isn't about whether Eugene would be less of a man/more of a man as a feminine trans guy, it's about the idea of him not being expected to fulfil any of those roles at any point in his life and still finding that they fit him. Of course, I completely understand people who are on the opposite side of that stance and love that he found roles and aspects of the part he was raised by society to play that he likes and still fits in them comfortably after realising he was trans/and or transitioning. Either way, he's the same amazing and caring boy we know and love.

I'm sorry that my response to that ask was hurtful, and I hope this was able to explain more what I meant by it

[genderfluxpositivity]

questioning being genderflux (specifically girlflux) be like, while afab: wait... am I a demigirl? no.. am I bigender? no.. maybe I'm just cis? wait no.. agender? no what if I'm a cis woman, but not as attached to what society views as "female"? but I feel connected to feeling female and don't mind being called Miss but also I don't mind a gender neutral title like Mx.?... maybe I am genderflux since that describes it all and the reason why I do feel a connection to being female is because its part of my gender identity in a way... but maybe what if I'm cis? (this is genuine :') I'm currently questioning and aaaa I'm not having a fun time since I just don't know anymore?? am I genderflux/girlflux?? enby?? cis?? genderqueer?? I really have no either anymore and even with pronouns... I like she/her? but I also don't mind they/them? so I think I like she/they pronouns? but I have no idea... the only thing I know right now is that I'm a chosen name I've picked out for myself and have a connection to that name since I feel no connection to my legal first name?)

Hey those feelings are completely valid! Gender and expression can be super complicated, especially when you’re realizing you don’t fit into the box you’re expected to. 

My recommendation is to think this over and take it slowly, labels are wonderful but it’s completely alright to be unsure or even not use them for awhile (or at all!). It seems like you’re open to new pronouns and gendered language! I would explore that, maybe talk to close and trusted loved ones, or you can use websites like pronoun dressing room ! 

Also: don’t feel like you’re just “special cis” because you still somewhat identify as your assigned gender! You’re still outside of the gender binary and don’t fully identify with it, so you’re completely valid as a trans and/or nonbinary person! It’s also perfectly okay if you question your gender and later find out you’re cis. Ultimately don’t feel pressured to identify one way or another, try to explore your expression and find what you enjoy, and then see if any label fits that! 

Hope this helps! Feel free to ask more questions! 

~Oleander 💖 

[kaimactrash]

The second pride image is my pan babies...and rilo...they are not a baby, they are a very bad person. XD

Also no, no I do not know how to even make my style cohesive for two images! I am a messy artist at heart.

Let's start with them, since they're in the top left, with the bright green skin and big black coat. Rilo is a gender fluid pansexual elder demon, theyre a primary antagonist in my story, but not due to either sexuality or gender. You may notice this mirrors my sexuality and gender, I kind of liked the idea of going out my way to have them be representative of a kind of intense feeling i get. So to explain, I hate hate hate when someone of any trans identity misbehaves, people tend to misgender them while angry at them, even though their misdeeds are nothing to do with their gender identity. I want rilo to be a character people have issues with not because of their identity, and that helps encourage people to not give shitty people the excuse to call your critisism about them invalid when you misidentify them intentionally and maliciously.Across the flag is another pan genderqueer character? YES, that cuz this is my neo sona, called Skeith Kai until I can make a better name, haha. they are joined by their pet meowclops, based on my pet cat toulouse...he has two eyes irl.   Bellow Skeith Kai, with the huge maw of a mouth splitting her torso is one of my FAVOURITE EVER OCS, I don't draw her enough but I am so enamored by her. She IDs primarily as Non-binary as her umberella term, but the base one would be gender apathetic, she doesnt care or really see anything as gendered, she is fine with all pronouns, but having been called she by her family her whole life she tends to use it as second nature. She's a pretty cool girl, having began the story as essentially a merc for the bad guys, she quickly quits them cuz they kept getting their asses kicked, plus she and beefy get on like a house on fire.Beside moira with also pink hair is dylan! ...okay so shes a littler more complex than Moira in terms of redmeption, BUT!!! There are reasons for that are important in her story arc, and I'm not ready to explain my plan for her multichapter involvement in the story, but...give her time, she plays off as the typical high school cool bully girl stereotype, but theres a lot of work for me to do before dylan even apears in my comic. TT_TT Someone please give me potion of improved production times!!Lil teal skinned demon to the left of dylan is Greip Tavros, another fave oc of mine! Shes my only cyclops oc so far and she has really challenged me in recreating her look, shes short but buff as fuck, also no not inspired by bea, who i also LOVE btw, but yeah just a coincidence of some very slight simialrities in colour pallets. Greip is very laid back and chilled out, she cares little for the demon realm or the elders who run it, she pretty much takes her leave to return to Frenrar, because before she died, she lived on frenrar, the demons take people from earth and frenrar. She joins in the rebelion and traveling party lith is part of. Shes aromatic and pansexual EMESH, hes the armless deer... is centaur the right word in this case?? but yeah them! So basically frenrar is the planet of failed gods, emesh is one of them and if youre curious about I reccomend you read this profile of him: www.deviantart.com/kaimactrash…Lastly we have Melisa, a extremely under utalised character of mine, but shes quite fun, I have her and her husband basically as like my comfort oc couple, theyre super in love, super suppportive, and they litterally just wanna settle down and have kids. Shes a fantastic potion brewer, due to her high sense of smell, this is heightened because she is both partially blind and partially deaf. She has Open-angle glaucoma, which has left her with only central vision with colour blindness there, the rest of her vision is essentially blacked out from her perspective. Heaing wise shes hard of hearing due to noise damage as a child, she may need people to speak up, and with her husband bruce, they have developed some signs akin to the real worlds deaf blind signing, but much more basic as they've just developed it together, Bruce has actually enjoyed finding non-verbal ways to communicate with his with and others in his life.and thats all folks! hope you enjoyed this art, and enjoy the second half of this pride! Happy pride my fellow pan fanatics, it's a tough year for every memeber of this community, and I will never pretend we suffer the majority of the strife this community recieves, but we have our issues, and recently theres a amplification of the same anti-m-spec retoric people like myself who have id'd as such for some years now have had to hear way too frequently. Tho, dont get too down, the growth in pride and understanding of the variety of M-spec identities has improved so much! Hell, I'm still learning much about the other identites and the indivuals that experience them, and i hope to include more of my characters in the less mentioned identities in this group! Okay I'm gonna get off my soap box before some one pushes me off it.

[librarycards]

Can you talk about your feelings on microlabels and how they relate to the expansive definition of gender?

i'd love to hear more specifically about what you're looking for -- this is a huge topic! but i'll try to answer as best i can. just know you can ask for clarification/more specific stuff if i miss something. 

i think you mean, how do we reconcile microlabels with a notion of gender that is inherently incomplete, indefinite, and even farcical? tbh, i also wondered about this for a while but i've come to the conclusion that the two approaches are quite compatible. 

when it comes to a post-/anti-/ante- gender attitude like the one ive taken up, the goal isn't only to proclaim myself genderless within a conceptual framework that includes both Yes gender and No gender, both positive gender-id and negative. rather, it's a statement of political orientation. that is, by identifying myself as genderless, i express an embodied refusal of the sexgendered framework into which i've been forced. i don't think i'm "nonbinary" in comparison to "binary" people. i label myself this way to prefigure the abolition of a system of sexgendered violence. first and foremost, then, my understanding of being trans (broadly speaking) is a way of expressing personal support of this shared refusal. 

when it comes to microlabels –– well, first, we have to remember that the term "microlabel" is relative. i remember when something like "nonbinary wo/man" or "genderqueer trans wo/man" or even the choice to id as agender, bigender, genderfluid, etc. rather than simply "genderqueer" or "nonbinary" was deemed microlabelling. some still believe this to be the case, but since 2014-ish, our norms around what is and is not a microlabel have changed DRASTICALLY.

that aside, let's say we're talking about someone who uses a neogender/neopronouns that reference multiple compound identities? like, an agenderflux demigirl (that is, someone with a fraught or distant relationship with girlhood who experiences periodic moments of gender- and non-gender identification). while i can't speak for the person using this language, from what i've seen, there's a lot of conversation around how these micro-labels refer not only to sense of "intrinsic self" but instead to a combination of community, aesthetic preference, lived/anticipated gender experience, presentation, and more. relatively few people are claiming that they are *inherently* a particular micro-identity -- the idea of being "genderfluid" / "genderflux" specifically reference a relationship to gender rather than a singular, isolable identity. 

you also have a lot of the people using these labels advocating a transness independent of diagnosable "dysphoria"– that is, a transness based on liberation from the confines of binary gender rather than a suffering-induced flight. in this case, the use of a microlabel, again, isn't a claim that "gender is real and this is my exact inherent gender" but rather "this is the lens through which i enjoy seeing and being seen" and even "this is the mode of identification and association that makes me euphoric". that runs completely counter to pathological views of trans/"dysphoric" subjectivity. 

so, this language promotes an expansive understanding of gender because the form these microlabels take necessarily refuse "inherent" sexgender id. they approach the idea of gender as a creative project and a way of identifying like-minded others, not as a static and incontrovertible truth. this lends itself really well to an expansive definition of gender, even an abolitionist one: it basically declaws gender, even mocks and parodies it (some who use these labels specifically use them as a gender "fuck-you"), and at the same time, makes "the cis"™ really fucking mad lmao

hope this helps!