#as a concept its just really hard for me to understand ; irl feelings scare the hell out of me and i just dont know how to connect with

[ellebabywrites]

.

Feelings rant in tags

[lovee-infected]

This is a weird thought, but what do you think the state of mental health treatment is in the TWST universe. We joke about Yuu being the school counselor, but the fact there isn't one at the school always struck me as odd. Not only that, some of the characters show some signs of mental health issues. Leona shows signs of depression. Idia might have an anxiety disorder. Jamil shows signs of PTSD-C. Silver has Narcolepsy. That's not the half of it. p1

Now this is a very interesting idea to discuss anon! I've seen this discussion regarding twst guys' mental health being brought up before so I'd like to get into the details. I guess I'd better use some real life references as well to clear my point!

First off, about the school counselor, do they even exist? Well although there was nothing mentioned about NRC having a counselor, I'd say that they most likely do because there's one in almost any school, and NRC as well is a famous and well-known school so lack of crucial school facilities such as having a counselor is far from mind. But the problem is, having a counselor isn't going to change everything.

Let me give you an example, during school and middle school I got to see plenty of other students having mental illnesses, serious issues, anxiety and enormous traumas. But not all of them had their way to the counselor's office, dare to say most of them didn't even try to talk to anyone including the counselor. And that's why having a counselor isn't enough; there's no point in there being a counselor if the students themselve don't go to them.

Now let's talk about the boys' mental state itself. We all agree that not all of them are in a pleasant mental status, from the severe results of their past lifes and hard childhoods to their unhealthy personality and manners. Some of them are dangerously manipulative (ex: Jade, Rook), some can be quite heartless and sadistic at the time (ex: Azul, Riddle, Leona), some are known for openly sadistic, causing troubles and injuring the rest if the students (ex: Ruggie) and some are found to be in pain because of their unwanted past and childhood traumas last. (ex: Leona, Idia, Azul) and lots of more cases you can name.

The biggest problem with such severe cases is how they seem to be totally unaware of their unhealthy acts. They've got a villainous nature too in general, so even if they feel like there's something wrong with what they're doing they won't necessary go to a counselor or ask for help in general. This is something quite common in real life as well because most of those who're struggling with mental issues are either unaware of it or unwilling to let anyone help them with it.

But since it's twst and NOT the real world which we're talking about...we should keep this in mind thaf they weren't supposed to be good in the first place!

I mean- just think of the game's official quote: "Welcome to Villains world", they were presented as students who have souls of the villains from the very beginning what else shouldd we expect to get-? LOL. Incomplete characters, not totally pure souls and dirty deeds are a totally expected concept to be found in the game, so we can't really question their unhealthiness because...this is how they were supposed to be all this time! Unhealthy just like villains but with more plot this time.

Well let's not forget that technically, all of the students in NRC are partly evil, otherwise they would've been sorted in other schools like RSA (Kalim and Lilia are the exceptions here, Kalim's father's money enabled him to enter NRC and Lilia technically came to NRC for Malleus, not that he needed to learn anything in NRC though).

The main thing that is making these twisted villains interesting is how they are being presented as students going to a school just like a normal teenager, the ability to make the audience relate and feel like they've been in character's shoes before makes it way more enjoyable than a gave which just throws some handsome villains with far from imagination background and unbelievable stories.

Idia would be a perfect example for this point, his design is legitimately showing what most of the teenagers look like these days. From wearing hoodies all the time and spending most of their time online to lack of real life communicating and having a low self-esteem.

We aren't going to talk about Idia now but that's basically what is happening with him, you can hear many fans saying: "I like Idia! He's such a mood" or "Man I couldn't relate to Idia anymore... He's just me" and many other compliments that show how this ability to relate to Idia and understand what it feels like to be him has made him considerably popular!

Same goes for other characters, most of them are designed to have belivable backgrounds and stories therefore which makes it very easy to relate to them. Most of them had to go through a hard time back in childhood, and so did many of us humans. From being bullied to having family issues, twst is trying to attach fans by showing how the characters have gone through the same pain as them. They aren't trying to hide that dark and unhealthy side, they want us fans to see it and feel what the characters feel.

They are indeed twisted villains because they aren't just designed to be evil; the most important part of their design is their personality and character development, they used something more than hot appearances and charming designs to make people all over the world fall for twst, they wanted the fans to feel genuinely and mentally attached to the characters as well.

Imagine going through the same trauma as Azul: being bullied as a child. It's a very common thing to happen during one's childhood yet the damage would remain for years, so when characters like Azul are being focused on, the audience can feel much better to see how that unfairness and cruelty isn't being shallowed anymore. None of our twst characters boys are perfect, and that imperfection is the main purpose of this game!

They aren't going to tell lies and give us some picture-perfect villains and all, they're going to tell us the story of the evil souls who were once pure; just as people say: “No one is born evil.” Humans can relate to the pain way more than they can relate to thr happiness, and this is what makes Twst brilliant. They aren't scared to show us that imperfection and incompleteness and once again, remind us all that no body is perfect.

Twst has used irl triggers and traumas in its character design, they crested twisted villains whom you can relate to, understand, feel attached to and love!

[moonlightchn]

𝖂𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖜𝖔𝖑𝖛𝖊𝖘, 𝖜𝖔𝖑𝖛𝖊𝖘

and basic shit you should know before interacting I guess~

*Disclaimer: all the information this post contains will be based on things I’ve learned over the years and my personal modifications are NOT to be taken as the general rule. This is MY abo concept for this bot in particular. Yall are free to agree, disagree, take ideas, adapt to your own bot, etcetcetc. Bye. Also sorry this doesn't have a read more;;;; I tried :(

Hello, this is (not) JYPe,

and welcome to the first episode of “Admin’s abo concept isn’t probably what you think so we gonna go in dept on this shit hehe ”. This was originally going to be a one part documentary but I realized I would probably keep coming up with or remembering stuff and these would be so LOOONG so I decided to just do it as I go and I’ll use the hashtag “admins abo tmi ” for this yeah. But also remember you can ask questions if you have any or if you don’t understand something because I usually ramble a lot.

Today we’ll be talking about 3 things that seem to be the most important since they’re the most brought up on my RP’s and they are:

Turning/Transforming.

Heat vs Rut.

Mates.

So let’s begin!

🌙 𝕿𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌/𝕿𝖗��𝖓𝖘𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖌…

There’s two meanings to this concept, one is the concept of turning from human form to wolf form, and the other one is being transformed into a wolf by different means (these usually depends on which story you’ve heard, it can be being the 7th boy child in a family, it can be a bite or a scratch, it can be eating raw meat, etcetcetc).

*This change has now also been added to the Chan’s pack introduction.

What are the definitions of this words? Cambridge Dictionary defines them as:

Turn: to (cause to) become, change into, or come to be something.

Example: “Chan turned into his wolf form”

Explanation: Chan, already a werewolf, turned and changed into his wolf form.

Transform: to change completely the appearance or character of something or someone, especially so that that thing or person is improved.

Example: “Changbin was transformed into a werewolf.”

Explanation: Changbin, a regular human, was transformed /by a wolf/ into a werewolf.

𝕿𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌…

In the classic folklore, turning consists of 2 phases, human with NO wolf characteristics whatsoever, (which is what makes it so hard finding out who the werewolf in town is) and fluffy wolf with some human like characteristics (being biped, having arms instead of four legs, body structure humanlike. The best examples I can think of are the underworld lycans mmm tasteful). Another general rule for classic werewolves was that the person and wolf were two different minds, the person never remembered turning and had no idea they were the werewolf terrorizing town. While being human, the person didn’t even have the wolf skills like hearing or strength. They were just regular boring humans. Another thing was that they had no control whatsoever and ONLY turned during full moon, but I’m not getting into that yet.

Here are some examples (it’s basically furries oop).

Moving on to my concept, I decided to have 3 phases of turning, consisting on:

Human: Basic, simple, boring human. No presence of wolf features whatsoever. YET they can still make use of their skills such as sensitive hearing, smell, extra strength among others.

Half-turn: Heavily inspired by Teen Wolf tbh, SOME features are present and can generally be controlled, such as eyes, ears, tail, fangs, claws. Can even be confused for hybrids. (sumn like this please appreciate my art)

Full-turn: they become big scary fluffy puppies. Let’s remember how they look like.

Channie Chan Chris

𝕿𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖘𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖌…

As mentioned before, transforming depends on which story you know and what you’re settling for. Generally we always talk about bites and deep scratches. Some of the most known stories about how to become a werewolf are being the 7th boy child born in a family on a full moon, or in Greek mythology, Zeus transformed some dudes into wolves after they tried to feed him human meat. There’s many different stories you can pick from, they’re just one Google away~

On my concept, though, the only way to transform is through a bite, even though I always keep options open.

I will probably be talking about the 3 types of wolves and deepening this a bit more later on.

🌙 𝕳𝖊𝖆𝖙 𝖛𝖘 𝕽𝖚𝖙.

Imma give you a wolf biology class because I know too much useless info and I WANT TO.

Rut: The rut is the mating season of certain mammals. The rut is characterized in males by an increase in testosterone, exaggerated sexual dimorphisms and increased aggression and interest in females.

Heat: The estrous cycle or oestrous cycle is the set of recurring physiological changes that are induced by reproductive hormones in most mammalian therian females. Estrous cycles start after sexual maturity in females and are interrupted by anestrous phases or by pregnancies. This cycle presents four phases, the one known as “heat” being the second one, estrus or oestrus, that refers to the phase when the female is sexually receptive.

What are seasonal breeders and what is mating season?

The breeding season is when seasonal breeders reproduce. Seasonal breeders are animal species that successfully mate only during certain times of the year. These times of year allow for the optimization of survival of young due to factors such as ambient temperature, food and water availability etcetc. Male seasonal breeders may exhibit changes in testosterone levels, weight, and fertility depending on the time of year. Female seasonal breeders will have one or more estrus cycles only when she is “in season” or fertile and receptive to mating.

Wolves fall in all of these descriptions.

What does all of this shit mean and why do I care lmao?

This means that if this was a logical bot I should only be doing NSFW like one week during 4 months a year LMAO no frfr

This basically means that RUT and HEAT are the seasons when the MALE and FEMALE respectively are ready to mate with each other to reproduce.

I’ve seen many male idol hybrids having heats instead of ruts, which I have no problem at all with and am sure no one else does really, but I think you should KNOW that a heat would not make them want to fuck, but get fucked. Heat would be the need to be filled and not fill others. A heat and a rut does NOT have to equal dominance or submissiveness in bots, anyway, that would be like saying being top or bottom determines who is dom/sub and that’s wrong, so just a PSA I guess.

Now, how does this affect my CB and ABO concept?

I’ve never, anyway, read anywhere of classic werewolves reproduction, which leads me to believe that they’re probably sterile. So I will stick to real life wolves rules but on my own way. Wolves are even monogamous and I dont go by that one lmao.

Reproduction rules on my ABO are really simple, ruts are once a month, around 5 days, and each of the guys have different characteristics for them. They’re only capable of getting someone pregnant during ruts, too. I just generally believe all girls are on the pill tbh and I never really use condoms but guys irl please practice safe sex wrap your or your partners willy before going freaky and stay safe.

Not sure if there’s something else to mention here? Let me know.

🌙 𝕸𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖘…

Mates are the wolf equivalent of soulmates, but that’s bullshit. I mean, I’m not gonna say they’re not real, I just mean that the general idea of only one person for the rest of your life and if it’s not them you’re miserable is dumb when we’re talking about beings with feelings. Did you know wolves irl are monogamous and mate but if their mate dies they just look for another one and move on? Now you know.

The thing with mates and marks, in my humble opinion, is that they don’t mean anything. Peoples hearts change, feelings come and go, and my wolves are NOT about to drop everything they have for some person they don’t know who happened to be their true mate. In fact, Channie is the only one who believes in them. The mates issue is a bit complex if we think about it over each of the Chan’s, but on a general idea, the mates are not exclusive for the guys, and I’ll probably make a tmi on the boys at some point, but Chan met his mate and it didn’t work out, for example. Mates go further than the marking, btw, mates are a special, cosmic bond. Marks are just that, marks.

And talking about that, we do not vibe with marks. The original folklore states marks as the way a wolf has to claim their partner as theirs and keep away others, especially from an alpha, and they’re supposed to go both ways, so marks between human/wolf, for example wouldn’t be possible. There’s also two marks.

The first bonding mark is generally given during sex between mates and heals, and the second one in front of the pack (there’s a whole social status thing involved here but were not touching that yet) and its permanent. Also marks are literal WOLF BITES so no, they’re neither small nor cute. Just look at these teethies and picture the scar in a neck-shoulder. That’s your bonding mark.

(they're cute tho I uwuuu)

What I’ve been reading around in fanfics and seeing around is that bots have been mated and claimed with marks, which is ok if you’re into that. My chan’s, though, find physical marks archaic, possessive and toxic. And honestly I personally do too.

You may have noticed by now that even though the boys are quite possessive, they’re never trying to scare away others and their sole way of marking is love marks that heal eventually and scenting. Permanent marks are a nono.

They will NOT mark anyone as their mate. Especially Channie plz he’s baby.

This is a personal decision and it does not mean that marking is RIGHT or WRONG. I just personally see marking bites as marking your partner with fire or something and I dislike the idea a lot.

ALRIGHT I THINK THAT’S ABOUT IT FOR TODAY I FEEL LIKE I WROTE TOO MUCH ALREADY??? Feel free to ask questions or request certain topics! I think next topics will be Social Structure, Skills and maybe Self control or Moon Cycles.

If you read all of this WOW CONGRATS??? I LOVE YOU EXTRA MUAH

One question I got on the asks was “since their fur color seems to correspond with their hair color, what happens if they dye their hair?”

Nothing happens babe! When they’re half turned they will have really funny colorful hair, but when they fully turn their fur stays the same! hehe Don’t worry, Chan won’t be a clown red wolf heh

OK BYE MUAH MUAH

Tags (hmu for removal:] if you don’t care about this hehe)

@yandereminholee @bunjihyo @shinhaneul-oc @sub-chungha @song-mingi-cb @grungeyuta @yourhwaa @bunny-woong @princess-yeji @xash-axx @7deadlysins-chan @camgirl-jihyeon @hybrid-wooyoung @vampirehhj @ghoulxbaekhyun @mafiaxnct127 @deadly-skz-gods-cb @mafia-chaeyoung @vampiresanha @sub-minho @starsirah-oc @femboy-minho @subbyhyunjinchatbot @weeb-wonwoo @yandere-wendy @musiclovermino @galaxy-ateez @chanlix-koalas @vampirechangbinnie @mafiafelixlee @madmanwoodam @sweetandsleepyjamie @yanderedahyun @hunter-chaeyoung @hwangyeji-cb @artsydahyun @gamer-yeji @yourminju @seulgi-foxy @kittensua-cb @softbabieinnie @softboyfriend-cb @iceskater-sana @irregularchatbot @yandere-miya @doll-seungmin @skz-cb @subbylino @babie-sanie

[ayankun]

WandaVision episode 6

FIRST OFF

Whenever I go back to pause things for clues, and find exactly what I’m looking for, I don’t feel justified, I feel that much more insane:

It’s really hard to make out, but I had an alright look at it on my folks’ QLED, and it’s definitely a flying saucer doing an alien abduction on what looks to be a person inside an old CRT TV (with some kind of robot head/boombox on top???)  There are secret aliens in this show, you guys, the facts don’t lie.

HmmmMMMM I wonder if Agnes is as innocent as she looks:

Also, I didn’t see that she was wearing the brooch in this ep, and I was majorly disappointed in that.

Two things here:

No, that’s not a twins joke.

Another Moonmen Confirmed

I know green is his color or whatever, but that hat is literally 10 years ahead of its time

Also, I took the playing-DDR-at-home scenario at face value, and only on the first rewatch did I realize it was a very pointed turn-of-the-century reference.  I am an Old.

There’s a good, subtle Rule of Threes in this ep.  The Setup:

The Sokovian Halloween flashback works on so many levels.  It’s so funny:

The fact that they went trick-or-treating at all

The “speaking Sokovian”

The treat being a fish

They have to share the fish

The concept that this event gave them an infectious disease

“You probably suppressed a lot of the trauma” -- it’s a good sitcom joke but.  the trauma is the joke.  The joke IS THE TRAUMA!!!

Elizabeth Olson is a dream with all her wonderful faces she has this ep.

Vision’s unsettling passive-aggression-sitcom-cooperation whiplash is WOW, consider me unsettled!!!!!!  “Be. Good.”  UGH.

(Just noticed one here, but there are a number of continuity errors in this episode, enough to be distracting later on, and is this a deliberate choice?  Please let it be deliberate.  I didn’t watch a whole lot of Malcolm in the Middle, is it known for its continuity errors?

)

“It’s their first Halloween.” LOLOLOL they are TEN YEARS OLD and this is their FIRST halloween I LOVE IT

DOUBLE RED HERRING CONFIRRRRRRRRMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Agent Jimmy Woo accidentally identifying himself as the sassy best friend added 20 years to my life.

Found.  FOUND.  Not “created,” “manifested,” “willed into being using my insane witch powers.”  Third Party Confirmed.

I like that it’s the 90s and we can swear on TV now.  “Hell” “kick-ass” “damn it” “fu---dge”

I think the most biting part of Vision finding the whacked out folks is that the soundtrack just kind of ... ignores that anything’s wrong.  Yeah, it’s kinda-spooky Halloween music, but it’s still 100% in-world kinda-spooky-sitcom-Halloween-episode music. 

OKAY LET’S TALK ABOUT THE AD:

As a 90s child, let me tell you, this is a blisteringly accurate representation of children’s marketing from the period.  The shark is wearing sunglasses AND he has a surfboard!!!  And he’s selling you yogurt of all things!!!!!  This is the supreme distillation of what being a child in the 90s was like.

How disappointed I am that they went with crab instead of lobster.

Heard it through the grapevine that this is a representative of Wanda’s imprisonment on the Raft.  That happened in Civil War, right?  So the next ad is The Snap?  We’re running out of iconic decades, too. so, hold on, new thought.

90s: Civil War

00s: Infinity War

10s?????: Endgame???? or?????????

??: Whatever happened between Endgame and WandaVision, given that the ads are stepping forward through Wanda’s IRL life events!!

I don’t want to know how many episodes are planned/announced, but I don’t know what to expect from the format after they run out of decades from which to draw.  Maybe there are only one or possibly two “sitcom” episodes left.  Maybe after that it just breaks down and they can pick and choose from the worlds/styles we’ve already established.  That’d be p neat.  A very unique kind of chaos.

god she’s so cute

Okay, somebody explain to me Pietro.  I honestly walked away from last week thinking he was just some townsperson chump, but then I was reminded that this is the Quicksilver actor from all those X-Mans movies I never watched, soooo people are saying Multiverse Confirmed?  But, if this is X-Mans’ Pietro, then why did he die the same as MCU Pietro?  Or is he literally MCU!Pietro’s corpse, given that he looked all dead same as when she saw Vision’s corpse?  If MCU!Pietro, then why different face???

????????????????

Also I found him highly suspicious, what with all the questions he was asking.  But the only sort of person who would truly want to know the answers to those questions would be someone who already had them ... so I think he was just asking on behalf of the audience, and the delivery was all wonked out.

Rule of Threes - The Reference:

Ok, real talk, whenever computers/networks/data/encryption/servers/mainframes et al come up in mainstream media, I just look away.  I don’t need the kind of psychic damage that comes with such egregious mishandling of the topic.

That being said, does Hayward having eyes through the barrier mean that he could possibly be involved in getting it set up?  Because look.  If Hayward-after-Hayward’s-Villianous-Ends is one antagonizing force, then is there really room for the Third Party (Confirmed) antagonizing force that’s lurking in the negative space silhouette of the Inciting Incident?  With Wanda as the Red Herring antagonizing force, that’s just.  There’s just too many villains, alright?  We gotta start merging these plotlines.

(then again, when I just said “eyes” I realize probably understanding the true nature of his new secret ���CATARACT” project will clear a lot of things up.  I’ll wait for enlightenment)

Agnes’ license plate in this episode is 0A1-B2C, which I think is a reference to the way reality is getting pared down to bare bones at the edge of town.  Note that this is not the same license plate number as seen last ep.

ALSO, I drove home behind a NJ plate just an hour ago, and was staring at it for a long time, trying to fit it into the puzzle before A) realizing that this was Real Life and not part of the show and B) WTF is a NJ plate doing in front of me in California.  In any case, I can confirm that NJ plates do not appear to have this number-letter repeating format.

So let’s talk Agnes.

Demonstrated knowledge of the situation in ways others haven’t (”There’s the star of the show” “kids, you can’t control ‘em”)

Shows up when needed most (explained as being Wanda’s doing, but is it)

When Wanda was having her babies, though, who was trustworthy enough to be summoned?  Was it Agnes?

Wanted to babysit REAL BAD

Was in the opening credits framed possessively with the twins

Doesn’t appear to have an IRL identity according to Jimmy’s crime board

Keeps talking about her husband but we’ve never seen him.  Highly unlikely that he’s real

Was the one to find Sparky “dead” - internet thinks she was lying to Wanda about how or possibly if he was dead (I’m trying not to read the theories, so idk exactly what the angle is there)

In an episode where everyone is wearing their original comic outfits, Agnes is dressed as (and laughs like!) a witch

She name-drops Wanda as the one controlling everyone; Norm (or the guy playing Norm) only said “she” and “her” -- meaning Agnes?

Naughty

So we’re 99% sure Agnes is Agatha Harkness, right?  I never read no comics, so I’m taking the internet’s word for it, but from what I can tell, I think we must be right.  If that’s the case, then I’m thinking it’s not impossible for her to be pulling some strings around here (giving Wanda a justification for her “that wasn’t me” doorbell ring, for example, and pulling a double red herring on the fact that she shows up whenever the narrative Wanda her nefarious scheme calls for it).

To devil’s advocate myself, though, we also have Monica’s word that it was Wanda in her mind, lessening the impact of Agnes falsely confirming what Norm only implied.  Also she’d have to be acting for Vision’s sake (and ours) and, if so, then what did Vision’s brain-touch really do, and how did she know he’d find her there, and what did she intend as the result of that interaction etc etc.

If Wanda’s (or Wanda + Third Party Confirmed (Agnes??)’s) powers aren’t enough to sustain the simulation of life on the edges of town, how much worse is it going to be now that there is even more area to try to control???

I don’t know if this is strictly an intended read, but the idea of Halloween as a fun, scares-for-entertainment’s sake type holiday, the rounding off the edges of concepts like “skeletons and ghosts are what people are after they die, let’s decorate the town with them and have a good time” kind of is a haunting parallel to the nature of Wanda (et al) covering up the horrible truth of the situation with this happy-go-lucky sitcom glamour.

How much does one hate seeing Vision giving his life for the greater good (the greater good) for the second time?  In other news, I think I’m seeing some specifically Mind Stone type energy-colors coming off of him, and very little Wanda type energy-colors.  Third Party Confirmed.

Also, I was thinking from last week that perhaps Hayward’s Villainous Ends included capturing the reanimated Vision to be one of those Sentient Weapons his organization is all about, but I Do Not Think his reaction to seeing that sought-after prize disintegrate in front of his eyes really matches up with that theory.  Again, will be patiently waiting for Jimmy to check his email to see what CATARACT is all about!

Rule of Threes - The Payoff:

Also, anyone ID the movie playing in the background?

Ok, final thought.  I watched this about four times today, and on the big-ass TV at my parents’ house finally paused and got up close to see what that white shape is in the reflection.  Thought it might be a skull, but, it’s worse.

These caps do not contain enough data to verify my claim, but I PROMISE YOU it’s a TV

A square old thing with a round screen and antenna on top. 

I SWEAR to you, when I looked into the TV, into Wanda’s eyes, only to see the reflection of a TV, of her looking at me looking at her I had a visceral fear reaction.  Like.  LEGIT nauseous skin crawl.

(All the other episodes have ended with our POV as the fourth wall, from the general (or exact!!!) position their household TV is known to be.)

This is my favorite show Of All Time.

[literaphobe]

that's so AWESOME, being a polyglot sure as hell is hot! and such an advantage with korean fanart! If you don't mind, which one is your favourite (for writing, speaking, listening)? When talking, do you alternate between the three of them?? Which one do you think is the easiest? Any anecdote involving language?? How do you got interested in learning korean?? i don't know, id like to read more about it asdkdj

hehe sometimes i see the korean spop art n comics on twitter and they will have some like english translation and i will feel like an insider because i will look at the original korean one and know what it Really says 

also! english is the language i’m technically the most proficient in? but when i speak to family n friends who speak english and chinese i tend to code-switch! it is fun and also my parents used to make me terrified of chinese because they would scold and belittle me constantly for not speaking it well when i was like in my preteens to teens (even tho it was their fault! for almost exclusively speaking english to me because english proficiency is an advantage and is prioritized in my country). but my mom now admits i speak chinese well <3 i don’t necessarily know all the words but whatever i say tends to come out nice <3 also with korean.... mmm its hard to get opportunities to speak it because i don’t know anyone who can speak korean with me <3 i feel very shy about using it <3 there was a period of time tho when i spoke korean to my dogs for fun it was funny 

between english chinese and korean..... it’s interesting because english and chinese both for the most part follow the SVO (subject verb object) sentence structure, whereas korean follows a SOV (subject object verb) sentence structure. BUT english and korean both have an alphabet (its why i learnt how to read korean in like! idk an hour i’m guessing) whereas chinese does not </3 its a... [big sigh] pictorial language. so each character is some new fucking picture you gotta learn. SUCH a bitch in oral examinations because sometimes u will just come across a word that u don’t know! never seen that shit before! so u don’t know how to read it <3 so it’s like a guessing game where there is every chance you will be completely wrong <3 so sometimes u gotta fucking <3 pretend the word doesn’t exist <3 or make up your own pronunciation <3 i remember sitting in a hall once with two of my malay friends and they were moaning about how scared they were because what if they pronounce stuff wrong :( and i’m like aw :( well :( but at least u have an alphabet :( which is like the same letters as the one in english :( that’s like safer right because how wrong can u go? and they’re like ok but u see :( the word could be said slightly different as compared to how its spelt :( and i’m like oh <3 that must be so hard <3 

and the thing is u see. they learnt exactly how much easier they had it. because our school had this program where they made the chinese students learn malay and the students who spoke malay, hindi, tamil, basically everyone who was not chinese. they had to learn chinese </3 and that was honestly like a racist hate crime, because after class my friends would come up to me on the verge of tears like. michelle :’( HOW are you doing this. chinese class is so scary we hate it why must we memorise every new character. and me, who got second in class for malay (the ONLY reason why i didn’t get first was because i forgot what ‘yellow’ was in malay. and now i will always remember it is ‘kuning’. anyway my malay teacher was BEAUTIFUL and she told me i got full marks for reading because i said everything perfectly. i did not understand a single word of the malay passage i was reading <3) was like i am so sorry :( you do not deserve this :( 

anyway its a hate crime to make a person learn english and chinese because imo those are two of the most different languages in the world :) its why white people fucking suck at chinese. and honestly so do most chinese american like. actors. ever seen a movie where they speak chinese? most times they are speaking it horribly <3 anyway, learning korean was really interesting because of how it strengthened my chinese! like, because a lot of korean words came from chinese (there are korean words taken from japanese too. because. well. lmao) and the korean alphabet was literally invented because traditional han characters (written chinese) was too fucking hard. even the chinese people realized traditional chinese was too fucking hard and decided to make simplified chinese. like make those pictures less complicated! 

the reason why i learnt korean was because. of this korean variety show called running man. it is the most internationally recognized korean variety show. so what this show is is like. there is a main cast made up of actors, singers, and comedians. and they are forced to compete against each other/team up to achieve a common goal, through playing various games and stuff with a final objective that involves someone winning/getting punished. it’s a little hard to explain, but they’re like an irl found family trope (while also being fictional? because they essentially play characters on that show that are like exaggerated versions of themselves) with EVERY AU ever. like seriously think of a concept they’ve probably done it. high school, super powers, super heroes, aliens, college students, olympic athletes, sherlock holmes, james bond, chess, etc etc etc. so an example of this would be like the staff will tell the members “this week you are the drama department in the high school and you are competing against the athletics department to determine who is the best club in the school” and they’ll have to do it. and sometimes the cast gets really into the theme of the ep and its really funny when they gotta Act to sell something. anyway they also have this game which the show invented called ‘nametag ripping’ so essentially on their backs everyone has a name tag stuck to their clothes with velcro and you have to rip off the nametags of other people. the cast in this show has incredible chemistry so the banter is amazing and very funny. i also have to admit i additionally liked the show because two of the members had this ‘best enemies, best collaborators’ chemistry that i found very compelling and fun to watch. so i started learning korean so i could get what they were saying without subs ie watch the show live. and i guess my parents found that impressive which is why my mom constantly nags me to learn more languages. which. is not gonna happen because i have adhd <3 and the thing about me is. i won’t say i’m a genius. but i can do anything so long as i want to do it. its the worst superpower to have <3 so anyway. that’s why i know korean i guess! sorry this is so long 

[mavspeed]

I don't like the idea of compulsory heterosexuality because I feel like it rules out bisexuality or pansexuality or anything in between. Like yes I get how some guys or girls realise later in life they're only attracted to one gender and such, but I also feel like this kind of feeds into the whole 'bisexual is a stepping stone' and I've not been very social or am socially aware enough to know what I like such. Like I have had crushes on guys before (even though it's been a while) 1/?

as I've sort of been trying to be less scared of guys (there was this really shitty guy at uni, made me really uncomfortable and stuff, but once I started to study overseas I think it began to get okay, it was only until some guy when I studied abroad said that at first I was kind of shy and he didn't think I liked him - He was quite nice though). And on top of that I don't really have much of a social life, so it's kind of hard to think what I like. But I just felt like saying there's 2/?

such thing as this kind of rules or is erasure. You can correct me if I'm wrong. 3/3

i appreciate what you’re trying to get at but this ask to me sounds a lot like you trying to erase the experiences of lesbians in an effort to validate bisexuality or pansexuality. I’m no expert in this stuff and i’m bi myself, but a lot of my lesbian friends (both online and irl) suffer a lot w comp het and get ridiculed for it. if you feel like it invalidates your experience as a bisexual person then its probably because its not for you. basically if you feel like comp het doesn’t apply to you then good for you! but that doesn’t automatically mean that its biphobic in any way and erases bisexual/pansexual experiences. there IS a danger with saying comp het is bi/pan erasure because on the flip side, like you said, people then start to accuse gay men and lesbian women of only being bi if they had sexual experiences w the opposite gender- like just look at the bi freddie mercury discourse. and i mean in general- and this is something the lgbt community struggles with, a lot- just because you don’t relate to or understand the validity of a concept doesn’t make it any less real for others. erm hope this makes sense and i got my point across <3

[system-of-a-feather]

how did you begin to accept your alters? how did they identify and name themselves?

I would like to preface this with the notation that I am not the “original” but I did go through the process of finding out I had alters, accepting them, and coming to terms with them as someone who is the Host. With that notation in place, I will refer to this in two perspectives from my experience: how I came to identify myself as an alter and how I came to find the others.

Firstly, as a non-original alter myself, I was originally split off about ten years ago to help cope with how often we were moving and to make it so that we could quickly make social circles and befriend people despite having to change schools a good few times. For the first three or so years I wasn’t too solid of an identity in the sense I was entirely separate and I carried a lot of the traits of the character I am a fictive of, but I didn’t actively identify myself much until I became more active as myself outside of just school (which was about three years later). About three years later we actually got active online where I pretty much took dominion over and it was my place and the place I developed fully from the base fictionally-shaped personality and identity I was based with and shaped more into myself. 

My name started simply on a gut instinct and - in hindsight - probably either TA or Aya suggesting it as my username with Riku as its base. Because of that Riku became my online name people called me. For the next following like... six or so years I was just TA’s “online personality” or “better online self” or “actually functioning self” as she didn’t know of DID or alters, and I thought I was just “normal online vs offline personality changes”. Anyways, as I got more contact with my alters a few years ago (before I knew what alters were) I realized not only did I associate myself with the name Riku rather than any other name, but everyone internally called me Riku so when it came around to coming to terms that I have DID, I realized that everyone internally knew me as Riku because well... thats what I was ripped from XD And with the fact that I heavily identified with that name since as long as I can remember myself and everyone called me it, I decided my name was Riku and would stay Riku. As host, IRL I go by the body name and my fiance refers to me/us by that unless he is specifically trying to get my attention per my own request as I need to make sure I don’t forget to respond to the body name as host.

As someone who is host, it is honestly a huge long story to be honest. Despite knowing - in a way - that I was an alter (as I was ‘TA’s online personality’) I really struggled to accept that I had DID as it just is a hard and weird concept when you first come to think about it. Since going around the whole story would be covering years of content, I will go alter by alter to explain how they came about, first interactions, change over time in accepting them, and how they got their name.

Aderis was the first one I actively knew of. She appeared at first in a manner that really scared me of her as the first few times I was conscious and noticed her was when she was being sadistic and a bit of a punisher to problematic people in our lives. For a decent chunk I kinda thought of her as a monster I found within myself that I had no control over. Overtime though we actually communicated a bit more and a bit better and she shifted more from a monster to a monster-esque protector and through more time shes now just like our system’s mother bear XD It took a lot of communication and acts of not-sadism and more internal care to change that as well as a lot of like.. “no she exists you aren’t faking” from friends and therapists. Her name was just kind of already there and she personally introduced herself to me. From the sounds of it she always identified with that name. ((She originally let me call her by ‘Riku’ **as in Riku but not** until she told me that it was a pain and too similar to my name and told me to call her by Aderis instead))

TA is the one I TECHNICALLY knew of first as I split off from her. I really don’t know much about her currently other than she was a depressed alter that I knew I was meant to give a break to. This ended up with me permanently taking over host and since then she’s gone into dormancy. Her name is Traumatized (Body Name) as she is one of the originals.

Lucille is the next one I knew and technically also the first not-TA alter I knew about but, unlike Aderis, I just thought of him as that “smart guy part of my brain that I talked to occasionally.” I don’t really remember how we came to terms with eachother though so sorry about that. As for his name, he either came with it or picked it himself from the root stem of “Luce” meaning Light and partially since he resembled one of the OCs we made ages ago named “Elucid Fernum”. He existed prior than that character as he split off around the same time as me, but I think he did adopt the appearance of him.

Iris I became aware of at some point due to loud internal arguments between her and Aderis over how I should behave. Like Aderis, she was really clear about her existence and until RECENTLY, I’ve known her as “White ‘Riku’” as in the opposite of Aderis (who was ‘Riku’) for some time and only recently did the name Iris actually get told to me by an alter I can’t remember. I don’t communicate much with her so I can’t tell, but I feel like the name stems from her general aesthetic and that she named herself?

Aya is a little I didn’t really know of until two years ago but she has been around as our first host and one of the originals that stopped being host the same year Lucille and I split off. I only knew of her existence when we got comfortable with our fiance and at first I was really annoyed and a bit embarrassed about it but with his extreme acceptance of her and all of this, I just kind of came to really accept her presence? Aya I do remember how she came to be as we used to call her “Happy (Body Name)” or “HA” as she seemed to be direct opposite of TA (and they are likely the original dissociative split). However, due to the fact we realized that HA was an inaccurate misleading name for her that boxed her emotions in, I decided I would find her a new name. There were a few I was suggesting but nothing any of us could settle on and I was telling my fiance about the ideas and he made a joke and tried out Aya and she just like... clung to the name so she choose that name XD

Protector Riku is one I only a few months ago found out to be separate so thats a TBA story to tell. With that being said, it seems he (assuming gender off of what my gut says - probably a he or a they) split off only slightly from me as we share all memory with one another but opinions and views of experiences and life are different as well as how our emotions run. He coined himself as Protector Riku and he coins myself as Host Riku as we see each other more as “separate modes of Riku as a whole” rather than as full individuals from each other even though we are independent alters. I have been offering and TRYING to get in contact with him to see if he wants an actual separate name that is similar to Riku (Raiko, Ruki, Raiku, Roku, etc) to give him a shorter easier name that is his, or if he would like to shorten it to PR, or if he would just like to be known as P. Riku or Protector Riku long term. All of that is TBA though XD

In the end, a lot of coming to accept them was getting to know them better and trying to talk to them as it really came to make me realize these are actual individuals that are sharing my body with me to be honest. Coming to terms with that later half is a lot easier said than done, but just trying to get to know everyone and understanding they are trying to do the same really helped with it all.

-Riku (Host)

[acebytaemin]

i totally get what you mean by saying that you feel like ppl only love the concept of you... i feel the same and its just. all the time. with everyone. i feel like my online friends only like this vague cool and funny image of me while my irls only like the fact that i always put them above me. cause everytime i try to actually be myself and talk about what i like or how i feel i just. get ignored. its like theyre scared of seeing if they can really love me or not and not just whatever idea they made up for themselves to love. its starting to get hard to feel like an actual person at this point

i didn’t really mean it in that way (i meant it in a way lamer way lmao i meant that i would rather they like the idea of me than actually me because THAT is terrifying bc then i have something to lose by not caring for myself basically) but i can really understand what you mean. i struggle with my sense of self from putting everyone else above me all the time and it was honestly shocking for me to realize i’ve molded myself to fit everyone else’s interests and agendas so severely for so long that i genuinely lost track of who i am and what i like. honestly i wish i could help you or say something that has helped me but all i can do is tell you i feel at least part of what you’re feeling so like. you aren’t totally unseen and i really hope you find a sense of self and belonging because i’m sure it exists and i wish you luck on the way

[nearlyhuman]

Long Post: An explanation about what anarchism is, why i’m an anarchist, and why it’s such a big part of my life all of a sudden

[[Since I don’t have much time before I need to get back to my homework, I am not going to edit this post super carefully to make sure I don’t sound like a dork or a narcissist. This post isn’t really meant for random followers, but people who know me irl. And I hope the people who know me irl don’t think i’m a narcissist and forgive me for being a dork. ]]

Beginning two years ago but not really taking root until a year-ish ago, anarchism became an idea in my mind with increasing pull and importance. As it has become a bigger inspiration and influence in my life/brain, I’ve brought it up in countless conversations and for the most part get blank stares, confusion, misconception, or the impression that the person i’m talking to wants to leave immediately because i’m scaring them or weirding them out or coming on too strong or w/e. I accepted, several months ago, that I can’t keep bringing it up if people aren’t interested. But recent weeks have made me realize that I should at least explain myself somewhere, once, in an impersonal setting, just to avoid constantly feeling like i’m weirding people out or confusing them. 

A foundational value in my life, spanning all kinds of religious metamorphoses, is the concept/verse “to those who have been given much. much will be expected.” In left-speak, I’m a Person of Privilege. I have been given access to a lot of things and have not faced hurdles many others have faced. I do not believe it is fine for me to simply enjoy my life however is easiest or happiest for myself -- I believe I had a god-given responsibility, a sacred duty to the world -- to give back, not just tithe-percentages but wholeheartedly.

That core value has driven me, again, from a young age, to self-educate about how the world works, and to be keenly invested in caring about the welfare of others, especially those who are extra vulnerable, disadvantaged, exploited, and oppressed. As I’ve slowly learned bit by bit, my attention has changed -- instead of focusing, for example, on the problem of suicide itself, I now invest more energy in the systems which create and allow for suicides to occur in epidemic proportions. While searching for the roots of the problems and the places where impact can be greatest and change is needed most urgently, I’ve been compelled to learn more and more about government, legislation, and those in power. Politics. That word everyone hates and removes from their own lives, but is really encompassing everything we do/think/are, every day, all the time. 

For a long time, the world of politics seemed like this enormous, hopeless, endless tangle of corruption and arbitrary interpretations of morality and justice and who has a right to what. It felt like there were good guys and bad guys on every side, that things were always convoluted, that no movement ever made sense for that long. None of it ever felt right, reliable, honest, trustworthy, or transparent.

And then, I learned about anarchism. 

When most people that I know discuss politics, there are roughly two sides. Sometimes people are vaguely aware of a third of fourth, but still, it’s largely a dichotomy. But what makes a Republican a Republican? What is the Republican platform, philosophically and policy-wise? What is a democrat? if you were to sit down and try to write a paper on what democrat ideology is, or what republican ideology is, could you do it? Do you know where the economics come from? Where the sense of authority comes from? Where the morality comes from? I think most of us just have these really vague notions about them, like “Republicans like small government and democrats like big government,” or “Republicans are christians and democrats are atheist.” But even these vague notions are usually pretty wrong -- for example, Republicans LOVE a large government regarding social justice issues, and there are MANY Christian denominations that are more populated by Democrats than Republicans. So what are these parties and how did they get so much power in our nation that they’re the only two platforms that Really Matter? Why do we accept the power they hold? Why do so many of us register as one or the other, and then vote down the ticket pretty much all one or all the other? When we don’t even know what they are and can only pick or choose a couple issues here and there that we feel like we maybe have kind of gotten a grasp of, like gay rights or abortion or gun control. 

So to explain anarchism and avoid that enormous mess about parties and what we think we accept even when we don’t understand it, let’s start at the beginning, and leave all preconceived notions behind. 

Who do you trust to be an authority over the world? who do you trust to be an authority over your life? Why? The people in power are not a special breed of person -- they don’t obtain power because they are more intelligent, more discerning, stronger of character, or more stable. For the most part, they obtain power because a) they want it and b) they’ve decided to spend their lives figuring out how to get it. And so now we’ve found ourselves in a society with myriad arbitrary laws dictating whether or not we can buy raw milk, who is permitted to marry who, that we can’t smoke weed but we can drink all the alcohol we want, that it’s okay to prescribe opiates regardless of alternatives/risks, that mass incarceration happens, police brutality happens, occupying other people’s countries and homes happens, patriarchy happens, white supremacy happens, that healthcare and justice can be bought only by those with wealth, and that wealth dictates everything. Seriously, from the nutrients we eat to the ratio of time we spend caring for ourselves to the lawyers we can afford to the healthcare we can afford to the education we can obtain to the amount of safety we can purchase etc etc. The more you know, the more evidence you see that having people calling the shots about how your personal world/life should go either don’t have your best interest in mind at all or don’t have the information and position they need to be in in order to make good decisions for you. Any direction that you look in -- economically, socially, geographically, culturally, you name it -- the people in power have really screwed us all over, majorly. And those of us w/ a decent amount of privilege can get by okay, most of the time. But it’s a sharp ledge to fall off when your luck runs out, when you quit winning the life-lottery that put you in a position of relative safety. Everyone hits that patch at some point. They get sexually assaulted. they can’t pay a debt. they find themselves with a chronic illness or a disease. will the system have your back when it happens to you? Look around and see that it absolutely will not. 

Okay, so, I’ve made a broad, quick case for why having a small subset of people in power over the rest of the world sucks. In anarchist lingo, we refer to that problem as being a problem of hierarchy. The idea of anarchism is to create a world without hierarchy. Again, PLEASE, keep leaving your preconceived notions at the door. Don’t bring up but what about X republican idea or X democrat idea and don’t bring up black masks and molotov cocktails, just hang back so we can keep working this out from scratch. 

So what does anarchism suggest? It suggests that we should be able to directly make our own choices in our lives. It suggests that we, the people, know what’s best for ourselves and can solve our own problems and make our own decisions and call our own shots. In effect, that means, instead of having a CEO or board make decisions about what millions of employees do, employees make decisions for themselves. Instead of having a department of education deciding what curriculum is being taught to our kids/us, we get to choose what we want to learn. Instead of having a department of state deciding when to draft us and send us into combat, we decide how to protect ourselves and make ourselves safe. We get to decide where to live, who we want to live with, who we want to work with, what we want to belong to, and how we make our communities work. Anarchism hinges upon the idea that, despite the fact that hierarchies have hit our culture hard (intelligence/information/mental health/opportunity-wise,) people WANT GOOD THINGS and can make decisions for themselves. People are a social species. By nature, we love to work together. We have families, we have friends, we seek community and partnership. We succeed when we cooperate and not when someone else makes our decisions for us and we are forced to comply. By giving power back to people, to be self-determining, we will be able to make progress together. And that governments and economic hierarchies that pose as being for our benefit/motivation/safety are actually ultimately getting in the way, and need to be dismantled and replaced with more cooperative, collaborative, empowered systems in order for civilization to avoid its descent into a melted planet where a tiny group has everything and the rest of us/our ancestors either die or get effectively enslaved. 

Honestly, the anarchist platform is kind of easier to understand than the Republican one or the Democrat one or the Libertarian one. It’s pretty simple. And we teach it to ourselves in all kinds of other situations. You know, all of that language about believing in ourselves and being empowered and being independent and knowing our worth and knowing what’s best for us and making or own decisions and respecting each other’s decisions and goals and dreams? We all talk about that all of the time! It’s just expected that if you’re a decent friend, you talk to your friends like that and you treat them like that. So anarchism really just takes what people sort of already understand on an internal/personal level and then expands that to encompass everything else, too. It’s not a big leap. Once you make it, it seems incredibly obvious. 

And that’s why it’s become so important in my life. I mean, for one, it’s beautiful and optimistic. Two, it’s really not a change at ALL from how I already lived and thought, it’s just putting how I lived and thought into a larger context. Three, it has helped the world make so much more sense to me -- it’s like Occam’s razor. If you apply an anarchist perspective to almost any problem, it’s solved pretty easily and neatly. Respect autonomy. Mind your business. Help your neighbor. Work together. Don’t oppress anyone. Don’t push anyone around. Be independent. Build what you want and what you love. 

So anyway. I’ll probably keep editing this post and improving it as time goes by because this is a rough draft on an important topic that will probably influence all kinds of things forever, unless I one day change my mind. 

[welcometomytightholenowleave]

Addressing some stuff

If you arent reading this post in a complete monotone you are doing it wrong

1. Internet drama is a fucking waste of time

2. I regret a bunch of shit i said. Being in insular communities where you constantly are up in the throats of random strangers melts your brain. This post was supposed to be made like 3 weeks ago but haha wow lets be real i had a life going on.

3. I likely won’t maintain a huge social media presence anymore. I do not really like the internet and I’m probably just gonna try to avoid anglophone parts of the web. Gonna be focusing on irl activities, work and that kinda stuff. It’s what i deserve.

4. Death threats make me super uncomfortable no matter which direction. Same goes for death wishes and intentionally triggering people. I might get very pissed at people but i rarely actually want them hurt. Even if i say bad shit in the moment the thought of someone (even people who are dicks, yes) being... actually maimed or killed makes me deeply uncomfortable. I feel like i should have been more vocal about that.

5. A bunch of shit i regret is letting my bitterness, self hate and jealousy of people i perceive as privileged run amok. I still got a fucked up sense of identity and will probably turn into a future meth head, but I’m seriously trying to adress my own damage with trying not to cope with the bare minimum. Feelings are gay. I need to find a way of processing my own trauma that isnt just lashing out at other people and hoping whatever freak out they have satiates my need to be seen, even if for the wrong reasons. No forreal i legit regret a lot of shit i said. If you get anything out of this cringe-post, let it be that. I should have chilled the fuck out and just avoided toxic discourse instead of letting myself sink to that level.

6. People getting close to me/assuming allyship/closeness freaks me out. I am a recluse and i do not feel comfortable being affiliated/lumped in with anyone that i wouldnt let touch my butthole. For context i have a lot of schizoid behavioral patterns and i generally go through life scared of people. I mainly want to stay out of peoples business and i am extremely avoidant to the point of lashing out at people if I feel they cross my often very intricate and nebulous boundaries. I’m generally heated in the moment and apathic later. This also goes for people who hate me. I probably don’t hate you back but if you are planning on rubbing your shit on me i will probably think you are annoying, pathetic or funny. But most of all i just want nothing at all to do with you. Yes this goes twice if you are a “kinnie” or lack any kind of meaningful hobbies or talents. Cyber bullying isnt a talent.

7. I still find the concept of e-cheating on your military boyfriend with a cyber bully with no job or education who spends her day compiling a document about a discord server really funny and that can sadly not be helped but i don’t want any drama. You do you but also come on that is hysterical on paper.

8. I really do not hate gay people or trans people. I hate transphobes and homophobes. I can make it make sense. The intra community garbage, a lot of radfems and ..unique trans women legit treating trans men like garbage has just made my brain melt and at this point id rather have nothing to do with it. Again, a lot of awful shit ive said has been an active result of “doubling down” and projecting the hatred i saw back onto them. The problem has never been with the demographic, its been with people who spend their whole waking lives acting like complete cunts. I’m trying to be less of a cunt. I want a healthy self perception where I’m comfortable with my own homosexuality and trans ness and where I don’t spend all my waking hours on the defense. I still believe trans men and afab people have unique challenges because i do not reject.. well, the reality of sex based opression and i respect myself too much to deny that having a pussy has impacted my life, but i also have chilled tf down with regards to trans politics. Its a fucking nuanced subject and it’s almost hard to quantify at all due to all the complex intersections and variables. Ahah this shit gives me a headache I’d rather just play with sand or some shit than type an essay.

9. Radblr jokes were never funny. None of you understand sarcasm, comedic timing, verbal humor or irony. I hate it here.

10. I will probably still speak like a cunt-bitch because thats the kind of culture ive been raised with. I don’t really adjust my language and just because i word something in a fucked up or nonchalant manner does not mean any ill intent behind it. My favorite movie as a kid was a shitty no budget flick about an alcoholic manlet that hunts down zoophilic criminals . I will never not be edgy, a mess, and over the top. Again, gallows humor, reclaiming slurs and generally being extremely blunt isnt something i actually do with ill intent. I know how to read the room somewhat, and try to tone down my personality if i am not sure people are comfortable with it. at the same time, while i love edgy jokes i am not comfortable with them being made by people who have active malintent towards any demographic mentioned. Its all very context based. The people i joke around with know this because i won’t shut the fuck up about “omg tell me if i cross a line I’m socially inept and don’t like hurting people”

11. I really don’t wanna be involved in any of this anymore its cringe as shit haha