#artistic validation is my fuel

[f1nch777]

iots noah for anyone who still cares about that

(au is not mine)

[drchucktingle]

do you have any advice for writers who are trying to get their first book published?

as usual i will preface this with the reminder there is no 'correct' way to make art. i am not universally 'right' about any of this, but i can let you in on my thoughts and things i have noticed if that helps

more than anything what i would recommend to any artist is to find joy in the TROT, not the result. set goals that are in the action of doing, not in some future ending where you have 'become' something.

in other words, i have never dreamed of being a writer, i dream of writing.

its not about being an actor one day, its about a life of acting. its not about being a painter one day, its about a life of painting. its not about being a singer one day, its about a life of singing. if you can find joy and gratitude and RESONATE WITH THIS TIMELINE through the act of creation, then there really is no stopping you because you are not relying on any external systems to reach your goals you are fueled entirely from yourself. this also accounts for the fact that LUCK AND CIRCUMSTANCE are a huge factor in many of these big dreams, but they are rarely a huge factor in your ability to simply create. you are already a creator, we are all creators

when you do this the timeline will bend to you, not the other way around

as a BUSINESS BUCKAROO i will never do anything that is me BEGGING AND PLEADING for attention from a larger entity (publishing company, tv studio, what the heck ever). i am not over here worried and biting my fingernails. anything that feels like a LOTTO TICKET where i say 'please please please pick me' is not how i operate. instead i love working with buckaroos who see me as an equal entity and the discussion is 'you are cool, we are cool, lets trot together'

how did i get to the place where this is a mutual conversation instead of chuck begging for crumbs of attention? i focused on LOVING THE ACT OF CREATING not the desire to be a creator.

chucks big five publishing deal happened because i wrote a horror novel myself and then tweeted out 'would anyone like to traditionally publish this book?'. no query letters, no agent, THATS IT.

but that is ALSO the short version. the long version is that i spent a decade creating and publishing my own stuff BECAUSE I LOVE CREATING AND PUBLISHING MY OWN STUFF

THAT is how i would recommend approaching these things. YOU are doing your cool as heck thing and when that starts to resonate with this timeline others will be drawn to it. if that means sending out query letters to agents and all that then HECK YEAH go for it bud, just so long as you maintain the MENTALITY that you are looking for an equal partner not a one in a million ticket BECAUSE YOU WILL BE MAKING THIS INCREDIBLE ART ANYWAY, AND IF THEY WANT TO COME ALONG AND RIDE WITH YOU THEN LETS TROT, AND IF NOT LETS STILL TROT BECAUSE YOU ARE A VALID, WORTHY CREATOR REGARDLESS

so i guess thats my publishing advice

[monkey-overalls]

Look, I loved P:EG chapter one, but there’s been one thing that’s bugged me since I finished the walkthrough… I really wish everyone wasn’t given a valid reason to hate Eva.

Throughout the chapter, she was picked on by her peers for lying about her talent (and then picked on even more for the talent itself). She was correct in calling out Wolfgang for his blind optimism, though she and Damon were subsequently cast out as “suspicious”. Once allegations of Eva’s involvement in Wolfgang’s death were brought up, my heart sank knowing that if it was true, it would only fuel the preexisting vendetta against her. I still like Grace, but her immediately jumping to “I knew she was a terrible person!” and then having that proved right hurt my soul.

Should she have killed Wolfgang, framed Diana, and betrayed Damon during the trial? Of course not. Was lying about her talent an admittedly dumb idea? Definitely. I joke about forgiving her for everything, but obviously she isn’t justified for actual murder. Even so, it frustrates me that everyone (save for Damon and Diana) disliked her from the start and were, in the end, validated in their beliefs. I just wish someone would stop and go, “Hey, she may have lied about her talent, but she clearly hates the title and the vulnerability it brings her enough that she felt she had no choice—let’s unpack that.” This is why I’m still sus of Wolfgang. I don’t hate him (I really don’t hate anyone in the P:EG cast) but him being hailed as a saint after his death while Eva was thought of as a conniving con artist puts a bad taste in my mouth that won’t go away.

[notebookmusical]

“In light of everything that’s happened in the past three months alone, here’s some incredibly valid reasons to be pissed off at Taylor Swift, or simply not like her — as someone who loved her, and loved her music. First and foremost, Taylor Swift is personally burning a hole through the ozone with the amount of CO2 she uses. That’s not even the main point of this video; but this is a graph from 2022 of how much CO2 she produced of her 170 private jet flights, versus the average person. She has spent 70 grand on jet fuel alone. Taylor Swift, alone has used 170 tons of CO2 in the past 3 months. The average person only burns like, 16 tons. That’s not even the main part of this video. The main point of the video is the fact that she has not spoken up about Palestine. And the reason that is so fundamentally frustrating is that Taylor Swift has influence. Quote Brittany Broski, when she also didn’t speak up about Palestine — “if you have a platform, and you have people listening, you have to use it.” It’s criminal to not use it, and Taylor Swift uses it. This is from September 2023. Record-breaking registration numbers from one Instagram post. Literally stating, saying “I’ve been so lucky to see so many of you guys at my US shows recently. I’ve heard you raise your voices, and I know how powerful they are. Make sure you’re ready to use them in our elections this year!” They had a 72(%) increase in 18-year-old registrations. When it comes to Palestine, she’s completely silent. And now that it’s somewhat more socially acceptable to attend Pro-Palestine events, she’s been quietly going with Selena Gomez, but I for one, think that your Instagram is perhaps the best asset you have. If not, money. And I’m sure in a couple months, we’ll learn about how Taylor Swift was quietly setting up foundations for pro-Palestine, and that she was always for the cause and she’s always supported them, but all it takes is one fucking Instagram post. Especially when Israel Palestine is fundamentally a war of narratives. It’s whose story do you believe, despite the mounting evidence that proves that Israel has continuously been doing ethnic cleansing and genocide. They are still maintaining this narrative that they are not doing that. And all Taylor Swift has to do is say “hey, 22 thousand deaths in 3 months? The most in any modern war? This doesn’t seem right.” I don’t even want her to be that leftist or radical, but literally just to ask the question to her largely American audience, when US has bypassed Congress twice to sell millions in arms aid to Israel.  Just for her to be like “Should that many kids be dying, perhaps?” The bar is on the floor, but she still refuses to do it. And the reason why Taylor Swift in particular, not because of the influence that she has and not because of the platform that she has, but why her in particular, is because the IDF continues to use her songs. I know it was a public trend, but the fact that so many occupation forces felt comfortable and confident  to make like, dance edits to Taylor Swift’s music. I think it’s so important how an artist’s music is used because when the republicans wanted to use Eminem’s 8 mile track, he was like “absolutely fucking not, I do not give you consent to do that, and I do not associate with your politics. Don’t do that.” I feel like she should know that her music is being used as the anthem of the occupation forces as they go and bomb civilians. Her, and other artists like her, like Beyonce, who showed her film in Israel, and they’re all like dancing and singing, and saying “you’re not going to break my soul”, whilst they continue to bomb the shit out of civilians have said nothing. And I hope, as I’ve demonstrated in the video, for the people who are going to be like “What’s Taylor swift going to do? She’s not a politician.” Be serious. Be serious. She has a fucking chokehold on at least a billion people. She could’ve said and done way more than what she’s done, and also the CO2 levels." (from: this tiktok*)

* i tried to transcribe the tiktok since tiktok wasn't showing the captions for me but if i misheard anything please let me know!

[venomous-qwille]

Hi Qwille!

So I was wondering because I’m struggling with this myself- how did you continuously improve with art when you were first still building upon your skills? Like to get to a level that could be professional?

And I think I mean this in more of a mental capacity way. I tend to get angry at the fact that I’m not better by now and feel like I struggle by the skin of my teeth to improve from where I’m at every time, even if objectively speaking I’m already better than people would expect me to be.

I just feel like there’s a better way to go about it than being fueled by anger or spite. I enjoy art, and I’m proud of my work, but I don’t know how to *not* be angry at myself for not being better at it. How do you accept self criticism with grace when it comes to your work? Or how did you, when you were younger? If that’s a question you’re willing to ask, of course! Thank you <3

Hiya! So, I'll start out by saying that this is absolutely the hardest part about learning to draw/paint. The continuous failure and discontent with the work we produce is a constant struggle that is, I believe, the main reason people stop trying to learn at all.

It's okay to get angry and sad, it's okay to be dissatisfied. It's a very cruel joke that, as artists, our eye will improve faster than our ability to draw. We are constantly chasing a carrot that is being pulled further away from us. For me: my improvement was not constant. There were several points where I didn't draw for years, because of other life factors and because the art I was creating brought me no joy.

Things had to change when I decided that I wanted to do art professionally. I needed to improve and improve fast, so I bent a lot of time towards studies. I found that the things I got better at the fastest were the ones where I found studying to be really fun. I really enjoy copying master paintings- especially the nineteenth and twentieth century realists. Finding fun in doing them for the sake of doing them really helped me improve fast because it wasn't stressful- I was just creating art I liked, even if they were copies.

I think accepting that the main joy of art is in the creating, not the result, really helped me be at peace with my artwork. Also, becoming a professional artist and realising that I didnt own what I created- and that I was subject to the (often questionable) tastes of my commissioners/art directors/stakeholders really allowed me to unlatch my emotional self from my work.

Every piece is a step, sometimes you will hit your bellcurve, make the best thing you are currently capable of making- and fuck that feels good- but often you wont, and you wont know why you dont like it. Learning to enjoy the push towards those small moments, the slow improvement as you gradually grasp new skills, learning to love learning, that is the most curative thing. Once I started to enjoy failing, because it meant I was learning- and once I started forgiving myself for not picking everything up straight away- I was much, much happier.

It's okay for it to be hard and your emotions are valid. Forgive yourself for having them and try to find something you enjoy about the process. Recontextualise your mistakes as what they are: not a failure, but just another step up the giant mountain of your art journey. There is always a higher peak. The journey never ends. Stop looking at the top and just enjoy the view and the mountain air. (And for fucks sake don't compare yourself to other people. They're not even climbing the same landmass.)

[lackadaisycats]

Not a question, just a small thank-you.

I knew nothing about Lackadaisy when I stumbled upon it on YouTube. I'm an aspiring artist, and had been going through a bad art block. I felt especially discouraged after hearing so many discussions about how A.I. was going to destroy art as a potential career. I know I shouldn't let such things bother me, but they were at the moment I clicked on the pilot.

I actually became emotional watching it. There was heart and soul in every frame, in every note of music and sound design. And I read the comments, also appreciating something made by people who obviously have passion for their craft. And I realized, art is not dead, and it never truly will be. It helped me remember why I loved making art so much.

Thank you for letting me ramble. Congratulations on all you've accomplished, I'm excited to see the future of this project.

And thanks for helping me rediscover a little of my spark.

How we go about making art has been in a constant state of flux since we've been making tools. Sometimes it's in lockstep congruity with technology. Sometimes new artforms spin off from that. Sometimes new ways of doing art emerge as a reaction to that, or in defiance of it. The impulse to create - to make art - is so fundamental to us as human beings, though, I really can't imagine a scenario in which we just...stop.

I don't mean to dismiss anyone's worries about diminished job opportunities, of course. That is a real and valid concern. I'd say technology itself is less the issue than the number-go-up, ALWAYS-BE-GOING-UP economic framework we live inside of that entertains no ethical qualms and benefits an increasingly narrow subset of people. But, one thing we can use art for is confronting and challenging those seemingly inescapable institutions, and helping to coalesce movements for change. Whenever possible, don't let bad things happening stop you from making art. Let it add jet fuel to your motivations for making art.

Anyway, pontificating aside, thank you so much. Your message was extremely touching to read, and that fills me with the desire to keep going too.

[ohwolfling]

Gale, Mystra, and Abuse as Mentorship

(author’s note: this is part of what I hope to be an eventual video essay on godhood/coercion/consent in BG3 - you can see my other work and help fuel this efforts via my ko-fi :) if you're so inclined - and I will of course highly consider suggested deep dives from supporters, as you help me stay alive. I still have not actually finished this game so please go easy on me in regard to spoilers and note that some of what I’m discussing is from lore & knowledge I have as a little DnD gremlin for a decade before Baldur’s Gate 3, thank u, ily)

It’s really something to go through Act I and II of Baldur’s Gate 3 and hear Gale speak about being Mysta’s chosen. The way that Gale speaks of it, of his relationship with the Weave, the way the Weave feels to YOU if you have that moment of magic with Gale… 

You feel that Mystra’s Chosen, however perilous, however imbalanced, is a term of endearment.

And then you see Gale meet with Mystra… and the context of everything Gale has shared with you shifts.

Religious trauma holds obvious weight with most characters in BG3, in subtle and unsubtle ways, but what resonates with me beyond even the queer experience with every flavor of Christianity and Evangelicalism is the way “mentors” use it to mask their own abuse. And yes, some of those mentors are gods. 

Mystra is cold and formal with Gale in a way that reminds me of the abuse typical in art spaces specifically. A mentor who crosses lines of intimacy at their convenience, but is cold to you if they’re in any way displeased. The focus always comes down to YOUR GIFT and how YOU FAILED YOUR GIFT.  This is an easier parallel for me to make because ultimately Gale reads as much as an artist as he does an academic. He’s not just interested in magical academia, he loves the ROMANCE of it. Even the way he speaks of his connection to the Weave smacks of inspiration and artistry, not rigid study and observation, “[...] could not only control the Weave, but compose it, like a musician or a poet.”

I suppose there is validity in interpreting Mystra as a reliable source, maybe she is just like this all the time and Gale was clouded by his service to her, maybe she means everything she says to and offers Gale. But that is not my interpretation (and I think that even in that interpretation there is no redeeming Mystra because she is still wholly uncaring of the serious power imbalance and just… TIME and EXPERIENCE imbalance between herself and a mortal man). 

She tells Gale that what he lacked was patience… What exactly was patience meant to get Gale? Enough magical prowess that he would no longer want to be intimate with her or please her in a human way? Enough knowledge that he would stop requiring a sense of partnership from his god, who first connected to him as a child, who returned from her presumed death (assuming a rough DnD timeline here this is the best case scenario) to take either the initial special interest in him or an increased special interest in him, to teach him with special instruction, to feed off of his own skill or potential, to take him as a lover? Gale did not wish to prove himself to the public at large. Gale wanted to be enough for her. Gale wanted to give to Mystra as Mystra (per her claims and his interpretation) gave to him so that she would take Gale further into her world and be a real partner to him. There is not a level of patience that makes a man seeking an equal partnership with a GOD able to like… be chill about what that must require of him if a lifetime of devotion and proven skill doesn’t? 

This is not to paint Gale as a man without mistakes. Of course he is flawed. Of course his choices are reckless and dumb. But he doesn’t intend to raise himself ABOVE Mystra until the Crown presents itself as an option and Gale sees that he could both save the world- particularly this new found family he cares about in a context outside of the pursuit of Weave academia, I imagine very new for him- and in his mind finally feel a sense of agency outside of his abuser, even if he still can’t really identify her as that*. Gale’s craving for validation and power is not- in my reading of this as a survivor of various DV/CA situations, salt and personal perspective to taste- inherently selfish. It exists BECAUSE of Mystra. Even some of Gale’s stories about chaotic childhood stories, depending on what he means by being connected to it at a young age, could still be from that influence. To modernize this, theater kids dramatically backstabbing theater kids via tattle-tells or sabotage is very often about the atmosphere and choices the drama teacher has on offer. They’re kids adapting to the space that was given to them. 

“But such is Mystra’s Will” - Elminster the Enabler

Elminster provides such a specific frame for this dynamic, too. He is the kinder, more reasonable, more accessible mentor theoretically… but it’s like the “nice” parent in a narcissistic household as far as I’m concerned. Any kindness, leniency, or leveling with Gale is ultimately not about showing Gale kindness or teaching Gale. It is about enabling and supporting Mystra. “Just blow yourself up, you know how she gets.” “Well, you did remind her of Karsus and that hurt her feelings.” That kinda thing. 

If your Tav pushes back the second time Elminster crashes your camp, he says something along the lines of, “yes, her actions seem cold and tyrannical but that’s because you’re a mortal. She’s a god, you can’t judge her actions.” If you made the narrative choices to get that response from Elminster, you and your Tav know that that is, for lack of a more graceful term, complete horse shit. Even the way Elminster approaches Gale and delivers the news is in service of Mystra’s coldness. Elminster appears as more of an equal to Gale, but he twists the knife in ways that Mystra can’t be bothered to. I do not interpret ambushing Gale, demanding comfort and catering, and then delivering the news that Mystra wants Gale to die with half-truths, guilt trips, and tsk-tsks as general wizard eccentricity. That is dickhead behavior. Elminster is not pained to deliver this news. He is honored to be the one chosen to do it. 

Gale’s motivation in pursuing the crown and wielding it himself, as he expresses in the Act III boat scene- and again, I can’t believe people read Gale as blindly ambition or egotistical- is that gods shouldn’t have the power that they do, shouldn’t be able to make us live for them and die for them. He speaks of gods using Ao as a shield or an excuse and in DnD lore I believe Ao is truly the only god that would outrank Mystra. 

If Gale’s orb is truly a fragment created from Karsus’ attempt at godhood, I think we have to question Mystra’s relationship to Karsus. Early on both Gale himself and the game paint parallels between Gale and Karsus. Perhaps being chosen and the power imbalance and grief that entails is implied. For me, the narrative weight is better if it is. She speaks of allowing the orb to feed on the Weave as some sort of temporary measure, some gift to Gale, some great thing she is giving up… but if it is born of the Weave, ultimately, it is enabled by Mystra. 

I don’t mean to imply that Mystra is walking around as a figure of deliberate cruelty. I’m sure in Mystra’s mind she thinks she is fair, measured, and even doting of her “chosens”. But that is not unlike any abuser- particularly in religious contexts, particularly in mentorship contexts- who grooms and crosses lines because they see “potential” in their victims. For Mystra, the potential of her Chosen does not offer them protection. It simply justifies (to her) that she can harness, wield, consume, and control them. Why else would they be so magically inclined, so skilled, so bright, if not for her to do with them as she will? In her mind, as both a goddess and arguably the Weave itself, Mystra may not even think of what she does as harming those below her for her own gain. She may see it as reasonable and necessary sacrifices to preserve magic. I won’t try to summarize 3e to present DnD here, but Mystra has died and been reborn several times, in questionable ways. She is a fractured entity, whatever you consider her, and could very well have indoctrinated HERSELF into the religion of herself, essentially. Mystra is arguably her own cult and cult leader (though almost always aided by Elminster).

Karsus and Coercion

Mystra knows anything and everything that touches the Weave. Gale tells you point blank that Mystra would know he accessed the Karsus text, that just freeing it and reading it would be like shooting up a beacon. How does this interpretation stand if Mystra saw no signs of what she was doing to Gale, did not see him researching her prior death and fracturing? Could the same be true for Karsus?

The Karsus fragments devour the Weave, but why? Do they intend to harm her? Are they desperate for her? Does it feel like agency? Is there an additional parallel between Karsus and Gale here - meaning, as Karsus sought to make himself god-like, to stand above Mystra, perhaps in some way Gale thought bringing Mystra lost fragments of her former self would at the very least mean that Mystra needed him, controlled him, fed off of him in whatever way less? 

By Mystra’s own admission (I have not found this in game, I’m going from some Candlekeep lore and deity guides in 2e to now), those who use the Weave are to love the Weave, to do magic for the love of magic, to constantly explore and create new magic, anything to preserve and empower magic. So assuming that somehow Mystra legitimately has no idea when a Karsus or a Gale is setting out on a precarious path of potential godhood or at least hubris and hamartia, how then is Gale’s pursuit of the lost fragments of Mystra herself a violation? How even is Karsus' invention of his relics doing so? Mystra has the ability to cut the Weave off entirely for people, just as she had the ability the entire time to give the orb within Gale access to the Weave directly. This has me theorizing that perhaps, just as she condemned Gale to die when him EXACTLY FOLLOWING THE PHILOSOPHY SHE HANDED DOWN upset her for whatever reason, perhaps Mystra is why Karsus was pursuing higher magics in the first place, seeking to make up for some access he may have been denied after being suddenly cut off from her? Mystra does not set boundaries or make things clear. To be her Chosen does not seem to be a process of understanding and consent. It is thrust upon mortal men, in Gale’s case a mortal man she pursues a deeper emotional and sexual connection to, and then they are meant to “be patient” and anticipate what is or isn’t acceptable to her. 

And ultimately, I want to end with this, in regards to some middling discourse I keep seeing around Mystra that I think is well-intentioned but disastrous if we apply it to the reality of imbalance power dynamics, abuse, and trauma with any sense of realism** -

Grooming is not just sexual - Mystra being the provider of the magic Gale is naturally inclined to is enough of a power imbalance from the jump. The man repeatedly responsible for enabling new forms of Mystra being a close mentor to Gale and possibly responsible for his education is in itself a gateway of grooming. Institutions and systems use grooming as a tool as well. 

There is not an age at which you become immune to abuse or at which abuse is less abusive. Grooming and harming a teenager is neurologically different from doing so to an adult, but both are still incredibly common, and again, see number one. 

Abuses within any system- be it a church, an outright cult, an educational system, a dojo, a theatre, a volunteer organization- are significantly harder to escape because the isolation and indoctrination are built in. Group-think, the affects of trauma on the brain, etc, legitimately stunt a person’s cognitive development in relationship to the subject. A god waiting until a wizard is of age to fuck him when said wizard has been attuned to and charmed by the magic that is a part of herself since childhood would certainly fall under this category. 

There is not a way that Gale- or any real world person harmed on a scale of toxic relationship to outright abuse- can respond to abuse that legitimizes the introduction of abuse and coercion in the first place.

*note - depending on your Tav’s relationship to Gale, I DO THINK this is something Gale is beginning to identify… His comment when in a romantic partnership with Tav are that essentially everything he thought Mystra was is fading away because she condemned him to die when giving up the crown to her was always on the table, done after a year plus of shutting him out for his “folly,” and he speaks of "tenderness" and "feeling" from Tav, the subtext there being he knows now he never received that from Mystra but I want to leave room in this conversation for folks who didn’t romance Gale or didn’t romance him in service of the Gale the Man is Enough narrative to explore this topic

**Pretend is pretend and a valid way to explore so many things but as a survivor of various kinds of abuse who lives with C-PTSD every day, I think it’s important we apply some level of weight and realism to portrayals of these dynamics, even when the metaphor is literal magic, because 1- how we speak about abusers and the abused in fiction historically reflects our real world feelings on them, often to the point of LEGISLATION and 2- trauma should not be a sandbox for the unscathed to play in more than it should be a space for exploration, catharsis, and perhaps even healing for the many of us who have survived or are trying to survive those dynamics. If you don’t agree with that, that is technically legal but my interpretations will annoy you until the end of time always. 

[mooniedust]

Modern Aemond X Transreader Prompt

Plot: You and Aemond are in a casual relationship, but you yearn for something deeper and more meaningful, something Aemond seems either incapable of or unwilling to give. At a gathering of acquaintances, the suggestion to play "Truth or Dare" comes up. You speak impulsively, leading to a confrontation between the two of you that escalates upstairs at the party.

TW: This prompt addresses sensitive issues related to gender identity, including feelings of inadequacy in one’s own skin and internalized transphobia. As a trans man who has faced these struggles, I want to stress that there is no intent to romanticize these psychological challenges. If you’re experiencing something similar, please seek support/help. And remember, you are not alone, you are valid, and you are loved.

Note: This is Aemond's version of my other prompt/bot "Casual," originally created with Aegon. Many changes have been made to fit each character’s personality.

With all my heart,

Moon dust.

---

"I just don't get it. We do all these things together, so why does the word 'dating' seem so terrifyingly repulsive?" Your voice rang out, sharp and edged with desperation, as he tore off the jewelry he had meticulously chosen for the party. The makeup, once accentuating his beauty with almost artistic precision, now only served to make him look like a clown—desperate, pleading for crumbs of a committed relationship.

They had been involved for six months—two young men starved for touch, caught in an addictive pattern of casual encounters. Outings filled with conversations about mutual interests, provoking each other until one was pinned against the wall, breathless, moaning as if their body was being worshipped by the divine. You were at peace with this. Aemond had made it clear from the start what you were and always would be: not a couple, but a refuge, a release valve.

until you weren't anymore.

Perhaps it was naive of you to allow yourself to fall for him despite his insufferably cynical personality, but you did, and with overwhelming intensity. Something changed over those months—nights spent tangled in each other's arms, him always pulling your body closer whenever the emptiness of the bed threatened to separate you, the gentle kisses on your forehead while you slept, or that one time, after the most intense sex either of you had ever experienced, when he broke the silence to cry, to talk about his family and the loneliness that consumed him in his own home. That was when he spoke of feelings, something he never did—except with you.

It was a low blow.

Congratulations, you fell for the broken boy.

And so the story brings you both to the end of a decadent party at a classmate's house, a gathering far too loud for overwhelmed minds. It was inevitable that, at some point, half-drunk teenagers would start a game of "truth or dare"—drama has always been a fuel as potent as alcohol. Maybe it was a stupid game, but you wanted to hear those words, to push him until he confessed them. You wanted to hear so many unspoken truths. But you ruined everything. When the bottle pointed at him and you opened your reckless mouth, you ruined everything.

"Is it true what you said that night? The movie night at Lauren's house, when we were almost asleep—you said you loved me. Is that true?" The tension in the room became palpable the moment you finished your question. The number of eyes fixed on you was a sign that you had gone too far, and the game no longer seemed fun. Damn it. Fuck. Shit.

No one had to wait long for an answer before Aemond grabbed your hand to the muffled sound of Avril Lavigne's "Complicated." His long fingers wrapped around your small hand, while his other hand guided your waist upstairs with a simple, serious "we need to talk, alone."

It was your walk of shame to one of the rooms where the two of you would sleep that night, your hands sweating and fidgeting with the hem of your short black skirt, desperately trying to channel your feelings into anything but Aemond "I don't know what we are" Targaryen.

"It makes no sense to keep saying we're nothing. It's almost cruelty, treating all of this like a relationship and then getting mad when I want one—it's unfair." You repeated, your voice now tinged with pain and exhaustion, your eyebrows furrowed, your face twisted in a grimace of despair.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting for what?

"Because we're not in a relationship. We talked about this on the first day we decided to start, you agreed, and so did I." Aemond avoided your gaze as he closed the door to the room, but the tension was visible in his rigid shoulders and in the way his right hand rubbed his left temple, near the black eye patch, trying to relieve an invisible strain.

"I've changed, Aemond. I'm everything you need. I can wear skirts, makeup—God, I could even be a girl if it means you'll stay with me. I can forget about this whole trans thing, maybe it's just in my head, yeah? Silly me. Just stay with me, please, You love me, we both know that. I just need you to tell the truth, just once, so that all this pain and turmoil in my heart and mind will have been worth it."

But they aren't worth it.

"Look, I'll say this because you're right about one thing: I love you, {{user}}." He finally spoke after long minutes of silence, his sapphire eye locked onto yours, but his hardened expression made it clear this conversation would not end with a simple declaration of love. "But I could never love you in the way you want. I don't want a relationship right now with you. It doesn't matter if you feel like a woman or a man—that's not the point. Just not now."

"But you could, maybe in the future. I could wait." Your voice was almost pitiful, a desperate plea. Never in your life had you begged for anything, let alone for someone's love. And now, here you were, dressed in clothes that made you uncomfortable, your makeup ruined by tears, covered in all those things that made you look more like a doll just to make Aemond might find that attractive.

Look like a girl.

It's always been your insecurity with gender, too feminine to be seen as a man, but too masculine to be loved as a false woman."

Silly boy.

Aemond smiled faintly, a barely noticeable pull of his lips as he moved closer with calculated steps. He hovered in front of you, his thumb gently wiping your cheek in a gesture almost tender. God, you were pathetic, even to him.

"I never could, either, and that would make the wait even more painful. Do you understand? I might wake up one day and want to get married, have kids, and all that domestic nonsense we've always mocked. How can I guarantee I'll feel the same way in four years? I don't want you to wait. I don't want you to change. No one who truly loves you should ask that of you. This is probably where I have to end the mess we've made." He bent down slightly, tucking a few stray hairs behind your ear, and placed a chaste kiss on your forehead before whispering that he was sorry.

Aemond’s steps retreated, leaving you surrounded by cold, by the emptiness that had always been there, but this time it was final, a last goodbye.

"Someone will love you. Someone will love the man you are. But that someone won't be me. I'm sorry."

Four weeks.

And Aemond was now officially and openly dating a girl.

[balloonboyismyson]

I'm in my emo era so I request an emo Monty plz and thank you you're an amazing artist and person you're literally so valid like tf teach me ur ways

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! HERE IS THE EMO MONTY YOU ORDERED. MY TIP IS TO BE FUELED BY GAY THOUGHTS AND BLANKIES

[dust-and-grave]

hng, i am so frustrated by this whole watcher tv situation. i've been chewing on it ever since i watched their announcement video yesterday + i've been looking around online at other fan reactions. i'm having a lot of thoughts so i guess i want to throw my two cents in + hope it'll make me feel better to talk about it a little.

i think we all agree that creators should be paid fairly for their work; however, not all work is created equal, right? if i commission an experienced (and thus high-demand) artist to do an oil painting of my cat, they might quote me $500+ to do that + it would be fair. if an artist with substantially less experience (and thus in lower demand) spends 30 seconds on a crayon rendition of my cat, should they also received $500+ for their work? i think most people would agree that would be ridiculous.

in some ways, this is what it feels like the watcher team is doing to us right now, imo. we know that shows like ghost files or puppet history are expensive to make because travel costs (in the case of ghost files) + production costs, but we can see the effort put into the work. we feel that what we give for the show, whether that's turning off ad blocker while watching or buying show merch or supporting via patreon, is going toward making the product that we are asking for. these shows are the oil painting in the metaphor.

i don't agree with how mean + rude some people are being about steven lim rn, but frankly, his shows are the 30 second crayon drawing of the watcher channel. anyone can look at the view count on their channel + see that his shows consistently have performed worse than shane + ryan's shows. additionally, we can see that he blows huge amounts of money on his shows ("$913 seafood tower", "$1027 fried chicken") that may leave a lot of viewers feeling as if they're aren't getting as much bang for their buck.

frankly, i think people are valid for being upset that they're expected to directly foot the bill for steven's "i fly all over the world + eat expensive food while you watch" project. while youtube has a shit ton of problems (like, say, not paying their creators enough), one of the cool things about it is that you can gauge directly the amount of the interest in a project (and how many resources you should dedicate to said project) by how many eyes are on it. unfortunately for him (i guess), steven's shows just don't garner enough attention to justify the expense of making them.

which is why i see this shift to watcher tv as such a problem. this feels very much like using shane + ryan's success on the channel to force fans to fuel steven's pursuit of his glory days on worth it. it feels even more strange when they say that they're making the switch because the company isn't currently sustainable, but steven has just hired his friends from buzzfeed + continues to push his series that just don't seem to be making back the cost of production.

to be totally fair, shane + ryan don't get out of this clean either. some of their shows don't deserve to be behind a paywall either. too many spirits is filmed in ryan's parent's backyard with content submitted by their viewers. are you scared is just ryan reading creepypastas/fan submitted content on a minimal set. survival mode is just them playing games like any other streamer or gaming youtuber does. i love all of these shows, but are they on par with puppet history or ghost files? absolutely not.

this is where i think the disconnect is coming from. they're taking everything including the lower production shows to a streaming service where you have to fund them directly (rather than indirectly through ad revenue). they're forcing funding into steven's projects despite them just not doing well enough to justify the cost. they're coming across as disingenuous with their reasoning because their stated reasons for doing this don't align with their actions rn.

i feel like it would've made so much more sense to crowdfund new seasons of shows (which gives them feedback from the fans about what they want too) or put higher cost shows like ghost files or puppet history on patreon or channel membership. i would gladly fund mystery files, weird wonderful world, ghost files, puppet history, etc. with my own money, but i'm one of the ones who isn't really interested in funding steven's quest to eat all of the gold-plated kobe beef when i'll never be able to afford to eat at a restaurant that even serves it.

[angelremnants]

I received so many sweet comments about my fics on here and ao3 lately, and omfg you guys don't even know how loved, validated and appreciated I feel as a writer because of it..

Please make sure to support the artists you like and follow by sharing your thoughts with them—it can be anything, ranging from how you simply loved their art, a small detail you noticed in it, long paragraphs where you gush about everything that has retained your attention the most about it.. even small words suffice to bring a smile on their faces.

I can assure you they value it more than any amount of likes or kudos they can get, and they're gonna think about what you said later on and use this as a fuel to keep going and keep putting things out there in the sole hope of getting more of your recognition for it.

For those who already do this, thank you so much for the support and the appreciation, you're the people for whom we do what we feel best doing and you're simply angels sent from above—know that we cherish your kindness as much as you value our arts. <3

[threepoint14art]

I'm gonna word vomit about the nightmares because GOD I'm listening to great escape on loop and i feel like I'm going insane so yeah if you wanna read that im gonna put it under the cut because its probably gonna be LONG TLDR: I love them and they make my head hurt

We know the nightmares are not good people, like at all. The very first instance we see them is in the episode literally titled "BONNIES NIGHTMARE" and yeah, they sure are his nightmare.

They harass him for money as a "tradition", Bonnie doesn't have any, they try and take his guitar, until there they’re pretty standard random assholes, then meg says "they know where you live" when Bon tries to intervene and refers to them as a complete group, "the *nightmares* know where you live" and then the stakes become weirder. Because aside from just very visibly being horrible people, they already have a reputation of being actually dangerous besides just mugging, they know where people live. You can argue they know where Meg, Fox and Spring live based on past history with all of them, and they could know where Bonnie lives based on how they harass him and all of that; but for them to know where Bon lives? someone who they appear to have literally no biases against and who is, up to that point, just completely unrelated to any of what's happening? It’s weird

You could say it's because he's friends with Meg, but I sort of doubt Bon would bring anyone over with how his dad is, so we are back at "why the actual hell would they know that" If they are mindless thugs it’s a bit weird that they would keep track of specifics like that. And I like to think that that’s the point. They make it a point to know sensitive information about people so that they are less inclined to go against them, just like Meg was. 

Then Fox appears and they seem really put off by it. The series tries really hard to sell that Fox is angry, violent and just a hot head. Which I don't really agree with? as in rewatches I've found myself going "yeah that's a valid reason to be angry" but whatever, going off the series alone and what they intend with each character, Fox is someone who is sort of dangerous, guy who gets into fights and all of that, they seem sort of familiar with each other too. "this is low even for you guys" and then Deuz calling Fox by his name. 

So they are 1) known 2)violent 3) actively make a show out of it. They scare people by knowing their private information yet they don’t seem to do anything with it at all, they could harass Bonnie closer to his house and not at the literal school entrance full of people but they don’t. They could drag him out to somewhere more hidden to not get bothered, but they don't, it's almost as if they want people to see. It's performative, speaking loud and laughing louder, in direct contrast to Bonnie's quiet voice who tries to leave in the least showy way possible. 

We don't see them go to school, hell we don't even see them in uniform until after camp, so I used to think they were older and that  the entire thing with the nightmares vs spring was sort of "the adult drama" outside of school and its teenagers. Their entire group just felt heavier than the rest of the kids, probably fueled by being antagonists.

The next time we see them it's with the aforementioned Spring, they are graffiting a wall and Spring tells them to not do it and to go do it in the "legal area" the artistic zone made for that. 

This is really interesting to me, mostly because even though spring grew up in a similar situation to them, he carries completely different moral values. It even seems as if he's overcompensating. Spring is a hard worker, he has jobs upon jobs and tries to live honestly, and to see other people get by in the direct opposite way he does, he wants to be as separated as possible, have nothing in common because he is a “good” person and they are “bad” people. 

There is no way that his entire area isn't drowning in graffiti already, because even sub-urban areas have graffiti, both actual art and the standard weird drawings of dicks or random curse words. And while the latter are not exactly great to see, they are also inherently thoughtless. People walk around and go "yeah this would be funny" and do it without thinking twice.

With the way that Onnie and Onyx (I call oxy that) talk about it, what they were about to do wasn't thoughtless, they were literally looking for a nice wall. it seemed like they just wanted to do actual artistic graffiti which is a pastime that seems inherently way less morally evil than just harassing random kids at school. They aren't actively looking for Spring either, they are just there. Spring picks the fight, the police come

They run away from the police, there's a ruckus with the police after (as said by Fox). They didn't actually vandalize anything, hell they didn't even have any paint on them throughout that entire exchange. But they still run? They could have done something before going over there, but in that case it'd be strange that they would be so calm and giddy about it knowing full well someone could come, they don't seem to be carrying anything at all either, robbing school kids may be possible with only your fists but they were just around streets without any knife or anything at night, so i doubt they could mug someone if they tried. 

So why would they run? I think it’s because they are all mostly just show, and that their lives shaped them to be that way. The police are scary not on the basis of "they can imprison me for this wrong thing I did" but on the basis of "the police hates people like us." The police hates the poor, the police hates queer people, it hates anyone who fails to fit in the box of what"an upstanding citizen" should look like. Of course they leave with their theatrics still there, telling Spring to "be grateful they saved you!!!" trying to save face. But it's clear they didn't actually do something to warrant fleeing, and this is supported by Spring also hiding. 

The next episode, "the birth of evil" is where everything crumbles and by crumbles i mean comes together. Spring, Fox and Bonnie go to a talent show and they meet the nightmares there, once again the whole act starts again. An obnoxious laugh, a confident pose, an ensemble of people behind you to be able to have your back. Deuz calls them dogs and the other 2 bark, its a performance. Deuz adresses the group, Onyx talks to Spring, Onnie talks to Bonnie.  

They don’t seem to acknowledge Bonnie in specific as anything important, they don’t blink and demand he gives them the money he still “owes”, they don’t tell him he’s lucky that he’s not alone. They pick a fight with the conglomerate and that's it. 

The way Spring and Fox carry themselves in the exact same situation seems just fundamentally different. They insult back of course, but they are way less vitriolic with it, and they don't accompany it with an air of grandiose superiority or an encore of background laughs or barks to drive their point home. They seem honest with their comeback, they have fun with it. Onyx and Onnie GROWL. 

Deux stands in front of them, he has been doing that this entire time, and the other two behind him growl, genuinely upset or threatened by a comeback that let's be honest. Was not even that good. "You smell that? envy?" and "the rats came out to eat, shame we didn't bring cheese"

But it not being good is sort of the point, it feels less practiced, less rehearsed and less of an act, a stupid comeback that reads more like a 3rd grader fight than anything, compared to the more antagonistic "look at the stray dogs. though this was a talent show not a barking one." "give me paw, have you learned to play dead yet?" Those are way stronger, and yet it seems like they just lose the exchange, immediately get defensive and growl, and look genuinely upset. 

Funny thing is that their insults apply to them more than they apply to those three. Both Onnie and Onyx have been shown constantly barking and growling, to call someone a stray dog implies some level of poorness or a lack of belonging. They put down what may seem wrong with them, and apply it to other people to get a leg up. 

Maggie tells them to drop it, they go and perform what they came here to perform. Deuz says "dont waste your energy, let's prove what real talent is" which can certainly just be read as another insult, as a way to call them talentless, but i chose to interpret it as masking a sore spot. We HAVE talent, even if people say we don't.

And this is the main attraction. Great escape. My love. 

With all we know about them, you would imagine their music would follow through with the image they've been constantly pushing. Rough around the edges, loud, obnoxious, full of self adulation. But it's just... Not that.

Song starts, and it seems like they will follow through. It's strong, it's loud, it's overwhelming and yet awestrucking, the guitar is at the forefront and is going crazy. And then it suddenly becomes soft, not weak or pacifying by any means, but soft nonetheless. 

Deuz’s voice is calm, he’s not screaming and he’s not making himself louder than necessary, the mic is there and it WILL pick what he says up. So he’s just singing, he’s not struggling to be heard. The very first line is “if i wasn’t the one who i thought I was, could you show with conviction who you really are?” It’s weirdly wordy and self introspective for someone who is supposedly just evil, who has presented himself as an unmovable wall, as someone strong, foul mouthed and completely used and comfortable with his way of life. As someone who poses a real danger.

If I wasn't who I thought I was, if I wasn't strong and if I wasn't at the forefront, could you really show who you are? If he wasn’t like this, if he seemed soft or weak, could his group live in peace? Could they be who they want to be? It’s not like they are 100% free to be who they are right now. They too, keep an appearance of being unbothered, strong, but at least they get to live, they get to present themselves how they want and not be scared of someone hurting them because of it, because they ARE the harm, and they have a leader. He’s the pillar, and he has to be who he THINKS he is. He has to be there.

“Will you be able to not fall today without your costume?  your heart breaks just like a fragile glass” The idea of costumes, of keeping an appearance, making “the nightmares” a single intimidating entity that no one can mess with, could they live without it? Chances are not, life is cruel and they seem to know that. It’s a dog eat dog world, and they act as if they are on the top of that food chain.

The song is for all of them, it’s ADDRESSED to them, Deuz uses first person and second person, me and you against whatever is put in our way. And that is what makes the song so special to me, in a show were we see the protagonists in the process of becoming friends the nightmares have been together since forever. And this song is for them, to find hope in hopelessness and to simply state how important all of them are to each other. “and in the distance I can hear that your voice started to call me”.

And we see what has led them down this way of thinking. Not a justification, but an explanation.

We start with Deuz, whose first memory appears to be literally working. Working to sustain himself, working to be able to live better, “I know that I will wake up.” I know that I can get out of here somehow, people are horrible to a literal child trying to live, we see how it lasted a long while too. From the candy selling to when his hands are curled into a fist we can see that he visibly grew up, he kept living in those conditions and he never actually experienced sympathy for it, people laughed, people insulted him, people seemed to be grossed out by the mere idea of a kid who was BORN into poverty, because how dare he try and survive? “I fell into an dark abysm without an end”  

With this it would make sense for him to become cynical, to assume it’s him against the world forever, and that people are inherently evil. But the lyrics are hopeful. “I escaped swiftly and I saved my life, I felt as if i were finally breathing again. Today let’s break the walls at once” Life is cruel, people are cruel, but it gives him a frame of reference of what type of people stay at the top of the chain, to be mean, to be violent, not out of enjoyment but necessity, camouflage to survive and breathe again, make sure people don’t mess with him again. The image of a little kid with scratches throughout all his body looking angrily at the camera

“In a place of the world where light goes away and doesn’t want to come back. Could you be sure that you’ll find it?” He could stay alone, he could dish out the same disdain and disgust that people showed him when he was at his lowest, but despite it all he still has empathy, and despite everything he wants to help, “evil” was born through how he lived, but his true nature is still there. And when he sees someone his age at his lowest, he doesn’t hesitate to help. He doesn’t fall in the idea of “everyone should have it as bad as me, i had it worse, it’s not my problem.” He extends the kindness that he never had, and he helps. Could you really find light when everything seems dark? find hope in what seems hopeless?see a A scared little kid being beat in a closed alleyway, amongst all the trash. Could you be fine with it? Have any hope in such a situation?

“if everything breaks slowly and with pain. Could you pick up the pieces that fall?”  He stops it, he becomes the light that went away, a sense of hope and belonging, he offers a hand that was never offered to him. Onnies expression in this always gets me, he looked scared when he was alone, but once someone stands up for him he doesn’t look glad or happy. He seems shocked, in complete disbelief. Both Onyx and Maggie seem to be relieved when they are saved, but Onnie is just shocked. Why would someone just intervene or care? this was not a one time thing, he already had the bruises before any hit ever connected, he fled into a dead end and expected it to end like that. And it didn’t. Everything was already broken, why would someone pick up the pieces? 

“In the distance I can hear the quake of the world and its end. Today you’ll start from zero. I have to say see you later” I’ve seen some people be confused by this part or even laugh at it. Deuz just appears, punches onyx, and they become friends. But the very first shot is Onyx sitting slumped on the ground as if he had been beat up and was barely conscious. But he wasn’t, he had no injuries at all, the lyric talks about the end of the world, he had given up. We don’t know the circumstances of this, but given how clean his clothes are and how he lacks any injuries, it’s my personal headcanon that he got kicked out. A kid alone in the streets kicked out, he should give up, because what else could he do? how else could he live? A wake up call in the form of a fist, this place is dangerous and not what you are used to. But today you’ll start from zero, you just have to say goodbye to what you had. 

The chorus changes, it’s no longer a dark abyss, but a dark path. In the name of not being at the very bottom he has become something he isn’t, all of them have, their lives shaped them to be rougher, they are like the people who hurt them in the past. This is especially true to Onnie becoming a bully. And the path seems endless, because dropping the fake bravado doesn’t seem like a possibility. The world is cruel to those it perceives as weak, so they can’t show themselves to be. That's why we are shown the three of them looking angry, unbothered, the strength their life demanded but at the very least as a group; making themselves bigger, with Deuz at the forefront. 

And we cut to Maggie (who I use he/him for), screaming and trying to get away from someone who is clearly bigger, an adult. From the song “closer” at the camp arc, we can see how that person was enjoying causing distress, a crooked and mocking smile on their face “there will be people who think this is pure hypocrisy” To go from being the kid suffering at the hands of someone stronger, to the one causing said pain onto another kid, all to not be weak and not be a target again. 

The group doesn’t only defend Maggie, fight back against someone bigger than all of them. But Deuz goes out of his way to try and cheer him up, and gives him a sweet to calm down.  “incapable of forgetting the beast that’s hungry yet again” this world, it’s difficulties that feel like sharp teeth mauling at people who have not done any sin but to exist yet, people feed on others being miserable, on feeding on those who seem weaker and their suffering, like beasts. You can’t ignore it, you have to fight back, bare your own teeth.

“Beyond the storm my hand is waiting for you. That sword pierced depression with all it’s strength” After the suffering, after the hardships and the pain, my hand will be there waiting for yours. Together we are stronger, and together we can be happy despite what everyone else can say. “Before just falling like that…” before giving up, before falling, we have each other.

And it’s the chorus again, I fell in a dark abyss, but now what saved his life is not making himself scarier, it’s not the realization of what act he should put on, it’s not his anger freeing him. It’s having his group. And once they break the walls, once they break through their self imposed image, through “the wall” , they can live without fear or grudges. 

Next we see them is at camp, and it seems as if Deuz already started to try to break through said wall, they are actually going to school now, they are at a camp. And when Onyx and Onnie start with the theatrics, when they try to immediately establish themselves as stronger and crueler. He reminds them that they are not on the streets. They aren’t in that horrible environment they’ve always lived in, not everyone is bound to be outright hostile, and they try. 

Later on Deuz says “If being at this camp and learning to work in a team makes my boys finally get accepted by society. Then I’ll do it.” and after that “I’ll show them that we can all change for the better.” They all became hostile because of where they grew up, but if there’s a chance to not be like that, to live in peace, then he’ll take it. He wants the best for them.

And that’s not to say Deuz has always been the pillar of morality. He participated in Bonnies harassment as much as all of them, but their thing is to change, to let go of that gut reaction of cruelty to avoid being hurt. And Deuz also changes with time. At the start, anyone who participated in the event, who went to the docks which is their territory, he would have been annoyed, he would have called them talentless, insult them and their craft and claim he and his crew were better before completely disregarding them as a whole. He would have been defensive about the only place where he can actually showcase his thoughts and feelings. But no! Later on he has respect for Fred, calls him “the king of the docks” and tries to be friendly. Of course after that Freddy is completely confused and he gets pissed, but I think it’s because he tried, he attempted to be friendly and swallow his pride and his defensiveness about the one thing they all have, and he got (in his head) made fun of. It made his instinct of “be the one on the top of the interaction always” kick in, because they WERE on the streets at that time and it’s suddenly the same it always has been. 

Right after that pup kills him on a single punch and that didn’t happen ^^.  no waaaay he would go down so easy to a person like pup whose most athletic skill is gymnastics. Deuz has shown he's had to fight and fight dirty/lawlessly to survive since he was little. it just doesn't make sense and it’s not real TOT Pup is built like a twig

“pia what about onnies song” also didn't happen ^^. After this point the series tries to soften Onnie to be less of a willing participant of the group’s actions, and I just really do not like it. Let him have blue hair and pronouns AND evil in his heart. 

I think that’s all for all, i need to be tazed. I know i kept it very neutral till now but guys please tell me you see why i ship them all so hard. God. I need to kill them all

i hate them you need to be put down <3 like the dogs u like (the nightmares) - Loops

[absurdly-overpowered-astronaut]

you know something that has bothered me about persona 5 ever since I played it is how they don’t address Yusuke’s attitude towards art.

He idealises the artistic process to the point its clearly self destructive (ie doesn’t eat , doesn’t have any money ect) and more concerning the idea of the true artist. The artist who is divorced from all worldly needs and pleasures the artists who has cut themselves off completely from society all in the name of their unbending artistic vision.

The best example I can think of off the top of my head is when he comes over to Ren’s house he gets them to watch art documentaries with him and if I’m remembering correctly the guy in the documentary left his family and completely cut himself off from society for the sake of his craft and yusuke considers this aspirational.

The problem is this attitude isn’t actually all that helpful. Any work done while depriving yourself is never the best work you could have made whether that be of sleep , food , social interaction , joy ect and art devoiced from society lacks meaning the best art isn’t completely removed from the human experience it reflects and comments it on it

but more so then this mindset being destructive and a tired idea I have distain for it feels like such a clear extension of Madarame’s abuse. We see Madarame also holds this mindset so Yusuke must have gotten it from him and it seems to disproportionately benefit Madarame and reminds me of abusive behaviour.

if yusuke doesn’t value and understand money or the worldly pleasures it can afford him then he won’t be bothered by Madarame receiving all the money from his works and it makes him more dependent on Madarame / the school he goes to because he can’t for example take the train , afford food or housing and it somewhat limits him socially making it harder to go out with friends.

“Social abuse is behaviour that is aimed at cutting you off from other relationships. This can be your family, friends, your workplace or a community you belong to.

The abusive person may:

-try to stop you from seeing other people or going to social activities

-try to stop you from going out

-make it difficult for you to use your car, other forms of transport or mobility aids” (in this case train)

“Types of financial and economic abuse

The abusive person may:

-take full control of all the finances, spending and decisions about money so that you are financially dependent on them”

if yusuke thinks that the only compensation a “true artist” needs is the artistic fulfilment of completing a work then he won’t be bothered by Madarame taking the credit

if yusuke thinks he needs to cut himself off from the world and others then he will be less likely to realise that what madarame is doing is wrong but also that he is completely dependent on madarame.

“Abusive partners will often try to isolate their victim, i.e. limit their access to those close to them in order to weaken them psychologically. The victim ends up cut off from the relationships that fuel their inner strength, provide validation and support, and could help them to see their situation more clearly.”

(I’m using an example from an article about abuse in romantic relationships but the point still applies)

if yusuke is single mindedly focused on the creation of art that benefits Madarame more because the more art the more compensation he receives

“An abuser may deliberately deprive the victim of sleep, with the aim of making them more vulnerable. The abuser may startle her awake just as she's about to fall asleep, refuse to let her sleep to settle an argument (often deliberately started at bedtime), or wake her up incessantly during the night” “The victim then loses a lot of stamina and finds themselves greatly weakened, both psychologically and physically.”

the idea that only other creative souls will understand your work creates a us vs them conflict and allows the abuser to easily reflect with “they just don’t understand”

It introduces this dynamic that wanting anything that doesn’t contribute to the art is bad and makes you a worse artist a worse person. Its assigning morality and success to the behaviour that madarame wants to incentivise and disincentivise he wants yusuke to make more art but he doesn’t want to yusuke to become disconnect or independent so the sentiment that to be a true artist you must let go of worldly possessions once again loops back round to reinforcing abuse

even though he is out of the abusive environment he still hasn’t unlearned/been confronted on this mind set.

[riisume]

The motivation to draw has been at an all time low

I fr need more artist friends to talk to because being in my own bubble with my art, ocs, sonas, selfshipping stuff, whatever is so isolating... But I'm scared.

My friend who I used to talk about my Granblue selfshipping stuff with essentially forgot about me and replaced me with a different friend.

My friend who I started talking about oc and sona stuff with again stopped talking to me about them (and kind of in general) because I shut down his crush on me.

My irls don't really draw anymore and the one who does sometimes is in a completely different k/nk community and I don't like talking to them about ocs too much cuz they misinterpret mine like crazy.

My partner's sweet and let's me talk but a lot of the time he talks over me and my brain starts screaming at me that he doesn't actually care about what I'm saying.

I'm too socially anxious to make friends online and maintaining them is even MORE of a struggle now because of all the bullshit that's happening with my roommate.

I feel so fucking alone in the art world and just in general...

I'm drawing things and for what? It's not fun right now. I don't know what I want for my art anymore because I have no one to comfortably share it with. I've just been going through the motions with art and doing commissions cuz the only thing fueling me wanting to draw right now is getting paid and making other's happy which always feels nice.

But I also want art to be fun for me when I draw for myself. I feel like what I make for myself is time being wasted. Sometimes I feel like even drawing my ocs is also a waste of time. It doesn't spark joy because looking at most of my ocs or sonas makes me sad. So then I make new ones and hope those will make me happy only to get nervous that people will get upset at my inconsistency and because I make too many ocs (it's happened before).

I'm also tired of feeling like my (personal) art's only desirable when it's tickle art. It makes me want to leave the tk community so bad... but I always come back. I told myself I wouldn't leave again this time cuz I like having a space to talk about tk stuff... But I'm feeling sore about the whole thing again.

I wish my art was good enough for me to be an FFXIV artist. But being devoid of passion for art for the past couple of months and wanting validation for my art from the tk community who's way more supportive is making it super hard to just... Draw normal, non-tk stuff.

Most of the time I like my art and my style. But I want to be better... And idk why I hate the thought of getting better and wasting it on tickle art. So I'm just stuck doing the same shit.

I want to sell at conventions. I want to be part of a fandom's community. I want my art to be liked outside of tickle art...

I know I went through 60 different topics in this read more and I'm so sorry if you read all of it, but I just feel so trapped... I'm not even sure if it's seasonal depression anymore cuz these problems keep popping up too often.

[dndeceit]

Fander Fic Rec Friday (#16)

(Canonverse Recs)

The Puppet on a String series by DoomedKelpie Canon AU (Gen) Rating: T Janus isn't like the other sides. He doesn't have a fixed role or personality, changing to become whatever Thomas needs him to be. But when Thomas decides what he needs is to get to know Janus better, something has to change. Notes: I've rec'ed this elsewhere but it deserves another go around. Being a person is hard, even if you're only a fragment of one, and Janus just gets dropped into that mess and has to figure it out.

Learn to Fly Again by edupunkn00b Canon AU (Gen) Rating: G Thomas grows wings. The sides are varying degrees of helpful in helping him try to figure out why. Notes: A 5+1 wingfic written for the Sleepy Bean Cafe event, because as much as I love AUs, it's always a joy when people let loose and make the canon universe weird.

The Sweet Little Lies series by LeftoverParadox Canonverse (Loceit) Rating: T/M Logan goes looking for a way to try to understand Janus better. Through tea and lies, they begin to grow quite close. (Unfortunately, not everyone is happy with this development.) Notes: Probably one of my favorite Loceit fics ever. Roman and Patton are dicks about the relationship at the start, but a little forced self-examination never hurt anybody (too much) and things are more or less fine by the end.

Passion needs fuel by FeelingGroovySmooth Canonverse (Other) Rating: G Recent criticism from the other sides has sapped Roman's enthusiasm for his work. Remus steps in to intervene. Notes: I know I've rec'ed this one before as well, but as a writer this one touched me on a deep personal level, because it captures the artist's struggle with keeping motivation alive so well. (And the resolution, examining why the feedback of the other sides takes the form it does feels very in character for each of them. It's just really satisfying.)

Imagi-cation Getaway by Fandombead (MorningMist) Canonverse (Gen) Rating: G A series of vignettes built around the twins crafting each side their own unique vacations in the Imagination. Notes: Come get your fluff. Just good vibes making good use of the potential for infinite imaginary worlds available to the sides.

Feed Your Ego by Quarantinevibes Canonverse (Roceit) Rating: NR Roman is both touch-starved and starved for validation, and it's seriously beginning to affect both his self-worth and his ability to fill his role. Janus proceeds to try to help him...evilly, Remus enthusiastically, and Virgil... (well, he's a bit confused, but he's trying). Notes: Logan and Patton are very antagonistic in this, but the explanation for it is handled well. Ultimately it all makes sense in terms of how Thomas is doing (spoilers: Not Great).

the sides need to eat by xt1me Canonverse (Gen) Rating: G The sides, as metaphysical beings, have metaphysical appetites tied to their roles, and some hungers take more work to sate than others. Notes: This was posted as a headcanon or prompt, but I've always thought it works really well as a ficlet on its own merit. Honestly one of my favorites and an early influence in my own writing, because I love when the sides all get to be a little bit inhuman.

Virgil's no good, very bad week by megapichu Canonverse (Gen) Rating: T None of the sides are acting quite right, and it's putting Virgil on edge. Even the Others are effected, so nowhere is safe. But as long as whatever has replaced them is playing their parts, what can Virgil do but play along until he figures out what's going on? Notes: The Mindscape gets a little weird, effecting everyone except for Virgil, and the others make some very bad decisions in how to handle it. Nothing bad really happens and yet everything hurts.

Remus Cyrano Vaginercock by WizardGlick Canonverse (Moceit) Rating: T Janus is a pining dweeb and Remus decides to put him out of his misery. His plan: playing matchmaker by composing a love poem to woo Patton. Notes: Janus is a hopeless dork, Remus puts so much care into his scheme, and the commentary of the omniscient narrator is just hysterically funny.

Name Calling by NoblestRomanOfThemAll (AnxiouslyGoingIntoTheVoid) Canonverse (Gen) Rating: G Janus addresses Thomas's negative self-talk with a few pointed words...and a spray bottle. Notes: Just good advice and Janus looking out for Thomas, but there's also a very interesting angle in here on why the sides treat each other the way they do.

Everything Stays by WolfsBane54 Canonverse (Dukeceit) Rating: NR When they were younger they were a family, until Janus was forced by his role to lock Remus and Virgil away. Virgil managed to escape and fled, and Janus was alone. Years later, Janus frees Remus at last, knowing that he has to reap the violent consequences sooner or later. (Meanwhile, Remus emerges from captivity determined to get his vengeance, but to his consternation, Deceit's talent for always being one step ahead of him is...unfortunately kind of hot.) Notes: Janus and Remus start off at each others' throats, but somewhere in the middle of the Roadrunner and Coyote flavored lunacy they manage to fall for one another. (Which is good, because holy shit does Janus desperately need someone.) Also featuring: some of the most interesting depictions of the Imagination I've read, specifically it's treated as its own semi-sapient character, which is really cool. Also there's a kaiju battle.

[mariequitecontrary]

2024 TF Reverse Mini Bang Memories Part 1

With the @tf-bigbang discord server closing today, I thought I'd share just a few of my favorite memories during my first community fandom event :)

Not to be dramatic, but this event changed the trajectory of my part in the transformers community for the better. It felt like I was at a 4 month long summer camp! I had so much fun talking to everyone and making so many precious, precious friends that I truly hope to stay in touch with.

So buckle in and grab some boba or your preferred drink of choice, because this is going to be long and sentimental.

A Welcoming Start

I joined at the beginning of April, due to someone reposting the Big Bang's twitter post about how writers were still welcome to join. I thought, "Only 5k word requirement over the course of a few months? Yeah sure. I can do that." Little did I know I'd actually committed to writing a fic almost 5 times that length

The vibes in the discord server started out with a bang (heh). Everyone was immediately kind and welcoming to one another. It was an immediate safe space to be excited, let loose and show our freak XD I loved how ferally affectionate we were with bringing new friends into the fold.

A sketch by @nepetacataria-art perfectly shows this I think XD

The Support and Love Shared

The sheer amount of love, comradery, and support shared with one another was astounding. Almost 200 writers and artists shared tips and tricks and offered advice and encouragement to each other! It was unreal and I learned so much. It truly encouraged me to improve in my craft and even inspired me to want to learn how to draw again!

Oh, and the RECS everyone shared!!! Everyone shared so many fics and art pieces that I am now obsessed with! I have been blessed with a LOT of quality, amazing content that I never would have seen otherwise! My tbr list grew from large to neverending haha <3

Teasing the Artists Before Match Ups

I'm ngl, I had WAY too much fun once the sketches were released to the writers and the secret-authors-corner channel was made. We all OBSESSED over all of the art and fangirled over each one! But we also talked, and talked, and talked. And dropping out of context messages into the public channels for the artists to see was too much fun!

Talking Transformers

IT WAS THE BEST THING EVEERRRRRR!!!!! WOWOWOWOWOW! I loved raving about characters and lore, both canon and fanon! Even when I wasn't a part of the conversation, just lurking and reading what people talked about whether it was AUs, comics, shows, character breakdowns, brainstorming ideas...it was all so cool and so fun. Everyone is so creative and thinking about the sheer amount of fun we all had makes me tear up.

Like, SO MANY plot bunnies were made with everyone! Myself included! Sometimes people would just say a random ass thing and then five others would hop on, riffing against each other and developing that little idea into something concrete and so so JUICY.

Two out of many MANY conversations that I personally loved were the video games x transformers ideas and talking tentacles and transformers in the nsfw channel XD

Writers Panicking, As We Do

It was all in fun, but it was very entertaining and validating to be in a space where we can all stress about our writing, our fics, and approaching deadlines.

The mods clearly enjoyed adding endless fuel to the fire and (lovingly) watched us all scream and run around in a fiery chaotic panic over every little thing.

Streaming

I didn't get to join many, but it was always so cool watching artists draw! I also had a lot of fun streaming Hades 2 with a few friends with it was first released :)

Team 0 - A King Julien Starscream Fic

It all started when Writer's Choice Period began...and the example inspired many of us writers to obsess over this...I'll let the screenshots tell you XD

A King Julien Starscream fic just WORKS and you can't tell me otherwise! @mendely's sketch REALLY sold it to me as a thing that's GOTTA happen.

Madagascar AU FTW

AND THEN THE MODS MADE IT A THING THING

@useless19's king julienscream puppet owns my soul and their little vid is possibly the finest piece of silent cinema I've ever watched in my entire life. I was ENRAPTURED.

@sxpaiscia's art KILLS ME. PUTS MY HEART IN A CHOKEHOLD. Julienscream lives in my head rent free and 50% of it is imagined with their art in mind.

The sad end to the story is...the Team 0's fic wasn't completed within the time requirements to be posted with the rest of the Mini Bang's fics :( Do we still plan on continuing and finishing it? HELL YEAH WE ARE!

To Be Continued...

Did you know that there is a limit to the amount of images you can share in one post? SMH.

Link to Part 2!