#are people really attracted to confident girls or simply to the idea that someone else would message first🤔

[napping-sapphic]

Telling people i’m too shy to start talking to people and dating only for them to tell me to just meet people online like bestie i’m shy online too😭😭

[punkpandapatrixk]

🌓Sweet Girl Venus ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

This world contains in it a great number of elements that push most everyone to toughen up and abandon all senses of calm, grace and loveliness on the path towards growing up. In this world, so many people believe that the only way towards great achievements is by becoming tough. Whilst it is true that strength of character is crucial for survival, I don’t think toughness has to translate into being actually hard on oneself or everyone else.

Psychology says, ‘When someone is exceedingly critical of the smallest, most trivial things, that means they crave Love most of all.’

Here is a love letter from the Venusian Goddess harmonic of your Higher Self to yourself💌More than you may realise at this moment, you really are still a sweet and kind baby of gentle melodies and fragrant bouquet💐If you’d eventually realise this of yourself wholeheartedly, oh, that would be…

♥︎

SONG: teddy bear by Hamasaki Ayumi

MOVIE: Uptown Girls (2003)

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Pile 1 – Bubblegum Blue Baby

VIBE: Hatsukoi Shoujo (Singer’s First Love) by Sheena Ringo & Noir by SUNMI

what’s really sweet about you – King of Wands Rx

You’re the type of person who, in spite of your passion and determination, aren’t cruel. You possess a strong character and try to uphold justice everywhere you go. You’re really a courageous fellow with a heart of gold. Baby-blue gold. I see that you’re often the type of friend who cheers other people up; you always have an idea in your mind to make someone else feels better about their darker days. When somebody is lacking courage or confidence in themselves, you’re the one who says, ‘I believe in you, tho! It’s clear to ME you can do it!’

And because you always seem so energetic, confident and capable, people easily believe your words. I think people haven’t told you enough how grateful they are that you’re always cheering them on like that. It’s not that they’re not grateful; it’s that they don’t know how to convey their gratitude properly. You know, sometimes words fail us. Especially when you’re the type of magickal butterfly that attracts naturally a lot of people who are not so confident in themselves. Such people, sometimes they simply don’t know how to utter words of gratitude because not many people in their lives have shown them enough appreciation. You could be, probably, like the ONLY person in their world who shows them appreciation like that!

You’re really so kind and charitable, more than you’ll ever hear from the mouths of other people♥︎

honouring your softness – King of Cups

And I guess, for the most part, such people really see that you’re an authoritative figure in your own respect. Because you appear to them so large and magnanimous, people don’t even suspect that you also have your down days. Certain days, you’re also in the mood for getting praises just like everybody else! But because you don’t get that as much as you’d like, sometimes you get sad. I think you struggle with a little self-loathing (or a sense of being a phoney) every now and then, feeling like you’re not good enough whilst everybody else seems to move ever forward, supported by your encouraging words.

Sometimes you feel envious of others for what they have. They seem to have everything going on a lot easier than you. But baby, stop! This is all your wild assumption. The truth is, people really be trying their best to put up a strong face, to put their best foot forward and come and tell you good news about them, because they want to get praises from you😅Yeah, some things in Life really be tricky like that. As convoluted it gets, this is actually their way of thanking you. You encouraged them before, you gave them so much courage, inspiration and motivation; now they’re doing better and they want to let you know it’s thanks to you! They want you to feel proud of both themselves and the magnanimous ways you’ve cared for them🥲

Well, now that you know… Pretty baby, stop being so sad!🐬

a happily ever after – 7 of Cups

You’re the type of person who, most of the time, has your head in the clouds. This makes you feel ungrounded often. I think you sometimes feel overwhelmed by reality itself. There’s a lot of things you don’t understand and you often feel lost about the meaning of existence and your place in the world. Fret not—you’re hardly a failure. You’re magick, baby💙Magickal beings often find living in the Human world incredibly taxing, so you can be patient with yourself—it’s a group thing LMAO

If anything, it is exactly because you’re a magical being like this that you can be sure you’re going to get everything you want out of Life. As long as you don’t allow yourself to stop dreaming in exchange for being practical! You see, the world really isn’t as linear as you think. So, be confident in who you are and your own personal favourite methods of manifesting. There’s quite nothing in this world you can’t have. You just need to learn to focus on one or two things at a time so you get each thing you want faster⚡️Isn’t so wonderful to be so magickal?

Know that you could be so much happier. You could be so much more spiritually content because your heart really is good. In spite of some things you may believe about your flaws, your Higher Self really doesn’t view you that way. In this world that is a world of chaos where 98% of people are hurting and hurting each other, it’s expected, so it’s not such a big deal. You really are such a kind Soul and your sweetness, your charitable bubbliness, just needs your acknowledgement so you can give yourself more tender care🌸

SWEET GIRL ENTERPRISE🔻💙

quantum glow-up! – Silver Physician (John Dee)

practical self-care tips♥︎ – Priestess of Magick

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Pile 2 – Soft Enterprising Boss

VIBE: Cookie by NewJeans & YEPPI YEPPI by aespa

what’s really sweet about you – Ace of Pentacles

You are a powerhouse of creativity. You’re incredibly smart and resourceful. You’re like an idea bank but you couple that with real, tangible efforts that always produce real results. You have an amazing capability for laser focus and your work ethic is almost inimitable. With that, you’re truly a dependable friend who has a lot to offer those around you. People turn to you for advice, and you always have something valuable to offer. But yeah… that doesn’t mean your input is always appreciated. But that’s not your fault, right?

You need to admit that a lot of people are hopelessly confused. Sometimes, people simply want a friend to confide in and hear their whining. I know you’re almost always there to lend an ear even though it kinda irritates you that people seem so lost, so incapable of helping themselves. You genuinely want to help, but like already mentioned, sometimes all someone needs is a company that listens compassionately. I think you’re good as long as you’re there to be a pillar for someone in need.

So really, you needn’t concern yourself with how that someone will resolve their issues if they, indeed, do not seem that interested in resolving their own issues🤪It’s not like you’re getting paid for caring so much about other people’s personal drama!

honouring your softness – 2 of Pentacles

More than you give yourself credit for, you’re actually a really reasonable person. You’re grounded in reality and able to weigh options more realistically than most people you know. You’re always thinking of pros and cons in your head. That’s wonderfully responsible, of course, but sometimes you could get stuck in a rut when you simply can’t decide. Still, I think you’re such a wonderfully capable person who’s willing to go the distance when your mind’s finally set for a prize.

You’re ambitious and tenacious; no matter the challenge, you’re up for whatever. If it requires lessons, training, complex practices, extensive readings, you can do it all. But hey, stop to breathe a little, will you? The world doesn’t end tomorrow so you needn’t hurry so much, alright? It benefits no one to be so hard on yourself whatever the rewards may be at the end. What’s really exciting about this whole thing is how much you’re enjoying yourself as you gain knowledge and skills. So, I hope you remember this at all times.

As long as you’re having fun, Life’s good, you know. You can’t possibly think that Life’s only gonna get good when you’re at the end of your journey, right?

a happily ever after – 8 of Wands

You are a visionary—admit it. You have amazing ideas and your visions could possibly even change the world. You could become someone profoundly inspirational because there’s a teacher-like quality in you. If you feel that you’re not that good at communicating your ideas, it’s definitely a skill you can polish. You really have got it in you to become an effective speaker, even on a public platform, because your mind is usually quite methodical. Practice is all you need.

Even if you identify as someone shy, or timid, actually you will be so much happier in Life if you could be in the public eye for when you do so, you get to be charitable with your skills and knowledge. When you’re older in Life, you will have gained so much expertise in various disciplines, and if you’re not gonna share with others, how else are you gonna ever feel blessed?

You are a shooting star sent from Mars—or Venus—to teach Humanity a transcendent way of living. I hope you never forget how precious you are just for the fact you’ve reincarnated on Earth in this passage of time😜

SWEET GIRL ENTERPRISE🔻🧡

quantum glow-up! – Green Magus (John Dee)

practical self-care tips♥︎ – Priestess of Fertility

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Pile 3 – New-World Inventor

VIBE: Super Shy by NewJeans & Spicy by aespa

what’s really sweet about you – 4 of Cups

Gosh, you are such a loyal one that sometimes it comes to your detriment. You’re the type of person who could go the extra mile to accompany someone who doesn’t even deserve your compassion. You’re willing to sacrifice a lot to make another person feels less alone even when you’re not getting the same in return. I think you have a noble heart and that’s something clearly valuable. But… I hope you know when to stop giving your support to those who are clearly losers, hopeless cases. There’s only so much you could give to another when your own Cups aren’t getting filled in return.

‘People treat you the way they view you. Be blind if you want.’

I know you don’t want to disappoint because you know how depressing it is to get disappointed. You know first hand all the painful sensations that come with having your trust broken. But the way I see it, you shouldn’t turn your past disappointments into a goody two shoes tendency to please everybody. Are you certain this isn’t just a weird overcompensation that could destroy you in the end? You may wanna check out this concept of a Good Girl Syndrome. Understanding the symptoms could just help you unravel the patterns🧵🪡✂️

honouring your softness – Queen of Pentacles

You are an Old Soul, and it doesn’t matter how young or old you are right now, you have this innate desire to be of service to others. On a profound Soul level, you have this magnanimous energy that makes you want to care and nourish those you come into contact with. You are really a kind person, incredibly generous, to a fault LMAO After all, this Human world is littered with shameless takers who do not set a limit for themselves. You don’t wanna be stupid enough to get drained all the time by ingrates, right?

So, it’s time to stop giving too much of yourself and start affirming that you, too, deserve the company of people who will nourish you as much as you them. If you don’t start reaffirming this daily, it may never manifest, which would be such a shame because you’re so deserving to be blessed with warmth and sweet emotions🥧

a happily ever after – Page of Swords Rx

At the present moment, you may be thinking you’re simply afraid of conflicts and arguments. Heck, you don’t even like feeling other people’s negative emotions. If you were to stand up for yourself, you’re sure everybody would give you a nasty look, or even spew very unkind words to make you feel bad. So you know this and you try to avoid that as much as possible. But that’s got to stop now because when you really think about it, all the chaos and conflicts are WITHIN you. Is that even worth it? Do you think you deserve to live like this?

‘You’re keeping the peace around you, but what about the peace in you?’

I’d like to remind you, you’re really such a smart person. You’re so knowledgeable and actually, if you’re honest, have great desires to be of service to the world. You’re a high-value somebody, so you’re allowed to muster the courage to affirm that you CAN take up space and still maintain your boundaries. Alright? One day you’re going to really change the world. But right now, you need to change your world first.

Don’t be afraid of being seen as a bitch, especially when you know you’re not a bad person🍒Sweet girls can still be SPICY🌶

SWEET GIRL ENTERPRISE🔻💗

quantum glow-up! – Gold Astronomer (John Dee)

practical self-care tips♥︎ – Priestess of Innocence

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[askanonbinary]

Hi, so I think I might be non binary, but im really confused. When I was younger, I sort of had this image for myself, I wanted to be a woman, with a man, and have kids, but now that I think about it, it never really felt right, I think I just wanted to fit in with society, I didn't really like anyone and barely even knew what gender was back then, and didn't know being queer was a thing. I mean i still dont properly tbh. Also what the heck even is gender, because, I mean, I don't feel right being a girl or a guy, and I know i feel more comfortable being a girl (I am afab) but at the same time being a girl doesn't feel right either. Like almost I prefer presenting as more stereotypically masculine but I prefer more feminine terms, like pretty etc, but my gender feels neutral. Is that valid? I mean i still prefer to be more girlish, so am i just faking it? Or maybe i dont prefer to be considered as a girl but ive just always been seen as one and i live in a cis and heteronormative society, and im only trying to be female so i fit in? I mean, i don't even know why I feel more gender neutral, considering I don't really even understand what classifies you as a certain gender. Also i don't like guys I don't think, I think I just used to think I liked them because I identify with them more, but then my first 'girl crush' turns out to be genderfluid/non binary, but I still like them, so how does that actually work. Like I don't really get how some genders don't feel attractive to me but others do? How do I not like men but like basically anyone else? And how do I even go about being queer, or figuring stuff out, or just maybe even acting more comfortably with my gender, im so confused? Im sorry if that sounds weird, I'm only recently discovering I'm queer, and don't really know how to go about it, plus my family aren't very understanding and I dont have many queer people around me that I can ask for advice, all the other queer people I know are only starting to figure it out too, I have no idea what or who I am yet, is that valid?

; well firstly I'd like to say you're going to feel confused for a while, because this is a new and confusing process. Often when someone grows up in a world with desires and expecations set by others ( get married, have kids, etc like you mentioned ) plus the additional how you should be / act ( be cis, be straight, etc, ), it's really confusing to then realize you don't fit into these very restricting boxes. And so genuinely, don't feel bad for being confused and for being complicated. Those are probably the most " normal " ( as in, common ) things you could be really. Difference is the most common thing there is, so don't stress that you don't fit into one or two neat little boxes ! No one really does do they

; secondly, how you feel about your gender vs how you like being referred to & expressing yourself are all three separate things, sometimes they're similar sometimes not. But if you feel neutral, but prefer feminine terms while also wish to present masculinely, then that's okay ! You're okay to be that and to feel that, totally okay. ( also side note: what " classifies " you as a certain gender is whether or not you want to be classified as that gender, simply speaking. You want to be nonbianry ? You're nonbinary. Want to be a girl ? You're a girl. Want to be a mix of both or three or four ? Then you're that ! And everyone is going to be nonbinary, etc, a little differently. There's similarities and common experiences but it's your identity, so it's going to be specific to you !! )

; thirdly, when realizing you're nonbinary ( and / or when beginning to question your gender at all ) often orientation comes after, and vice versa. ( I know that the moment I found out liking people other than men was an option, I wondered if being a man was an option too and then it simply took off from there and now I'm where I am today: just as confused as I was before much more confident that even if I don't always have the right label, I'm comfortable being me in whatever phase " me " is that day or even that minute, and if that changes then it changes ! ) So if you right now don't feel attraction to men, you don't feel attraction to men ! And I get it, knowing " why " or " how " you like one gender but not the other is confusing, especially with how diverse gender is in the first place. But just, trust that you know what you want, and stick to that while navigating all these terms and experiences !! You'll get through the initial panic, don't worry.

; and fourthly, it's not weird or anything: this is literally the place to ask questions about these sorts of things, and if anyone is going to understand your experiences even just a little it's going to be the people who went through / are going through them too. So no worries about that !! And if the people you're asking questions from answer back with a question themselves, you can find the answers together.

; and lastly: you're valid, your identity is so valid and it has been forever. No matter how confusing or complicated or different it is, it's valid. Even if you never 100% find a label / labels that describe you fully, you're still valid ! And your identity sure as heck is real, I mean it's your identity and it's right there. Seems real and valid enough to me no ?

; good luck figuring out your identity and everything else, and I wish you luck on being confused !! :]

- Mod Xela

[enchantress-emily]

Buggeruptober day 7: Spark

Ben had never really understood what people meant when they talked about feeling a “spark” with someone.

At university he often found himself unwillingly overhearing conversations where his classmates gushed to their friends about the stunning boy they had met at the pub or the gorgeous girl who sat next to them in class, usually involving some variant of “–and our eyes met and I just knew!”  To begin with Ben had suspected them of exaggerating for effect – surely people didn’t really feel attraction the moment they set eyes on someone? – but after hearing similar expressions again and again, he began to wonder if he was the strange one for not feeling that way.

It wasn’t a topic one could look up in the library, and he didn’t have anyone to ask about it; the twins were far too wrapped up in themselves to listen, and fond as he was of Vee, this simply wasn’t the sort of thing they talked about.  The idea of bringing it up to his parents or grandparents was too embarrassing to even be considered.

Later on he found some comfort in O’Malley’s total lack of interest in anything related to romantic or sexual contact, although Wolfe’s occasional rhapsodizing about a pretty face he had encountered stirred up his doubts again.  Was it something to do with his own social awkwardness?  If he was better with people, would he react more normally to meeting someone attractive?

And then came the long, odd day of impersonating Harry Barber and being threatened by Americans, alongside a maddening apothecary-turned-detective who was obsessed with ridiculous theories… who gleefully pushed back when he snapped at her the way O’Malley did, but unlike O’Malley knew how to construct an intelligent argument… who understood the importance of a detailed filing system… who was willing to go to any lengths to answer a question… who was quick-witted and confident and brave… who, by the end of that long day, made something unfamiliar happen in Ben’s stomach when he looked at her.

By the time they had been on several dates together, he was sure of it: while he still didn’t fully understand the hows and whys of the phenomenon, Eliza Swift struck that mysterious spark in him in a way that no one else ever had.

Also on AO3

[esther-dot]

I feel really bad for the originator of the Ashford theory, reading those posts you screencapped. It's not a 'crack theory' (unless they're putting it down because Jonsas took a serious hold of it), since structural foreshadowing is a basic storytelling tool. Hiding poetry in history, which seems a past-time GRRM particularly enjoys--- it's not just there to be there, but to lesson us in reading the past and make us understand the current story more deeply.

We should be confident in our analyses, regardless of whether we share a ship in common (I am do believe in Jonsa, but this goes for everyone), because storytelling can generally be trusted to be intentional. Anybody who wants to act like being incurious is more intellectually justifiable because it's less emotionally fraught is not worth spending time on. It is actually disappointing when stories are not considered and thoughtful (which is not a testament to so-called 'complexity'; The Little Prince is considered and thoughtful)--- fault in reading too much into things usually lay in perspective, less in doubt of substance.

Then again, Originator of Ashord Theory being possessive as claimant probably points more to dismissing it as crack because other people have taken ahold of it in a way they didn't like. If I am perfectly honest, were it not them having noticed it, someone else would have later (and someone else on Reddit did).

It's exactly the sort of thing I look for when I am engaging in a story because it is a tool I see used often. It was what attracted me to Jonsa, not that I was looking for evidence.

(about this ask)

The issue definitely wasn’t a lack of confidence in their own reading, they’re a tumblr BNF! I think Jonsas have written so much about it and so convincingly, it’s become widely viewed as a Jonsa theory and eclipsed the original intent which is their problem with it. Sometime ago someone shared an AltShift video here (a YouTube BNF), and he had included the Ashford Tourney as evidence for Jonsa, so I do think the goal of the blogger now labeling it “crack” is to detract from the Jonsa of it/for shipping reasons, not because they don’t believe in their own work.

As for the broader idea, I certainly agree that pre canon characters and events are written to add depth to the canon events. We can all expect that and look for parallels and contrasts with assurance that they are conversing with each other. It seems to me that every part of the fandom attempts that in some way, we simply come to different conclusions about what those things mean. I can look at something and accept a Jonsa interpretation but also understand, there’s another factor here too. And while I agree that many things are intentional in ASOIAF, I’m also aware that things can subconsciously influence and slip into a work. I recently watched this clip of Spielberg being told, he didn’t recognize this on his own, that he had included his parents love story in a film. Anyone might think, it had to be deliberate, but it wasn’t!

So, not saying anyone should be less confident, I just think it’s good to be aware that after a parallel is recognized, our interpretation of it is where we can all take off in different directions. For example, Jonnel and Sansa is perhaps the most beloved Jonsa foreshadowing (if it isn’t the Ashford Tourney 😅), and I absolutely think it’s groundwork for canon events. The question isn’t if it is, but how. Will it be a parallel, only, the point of the marriage this go around is to right a wrong? Give the girl her home back? (If say, Robb’s Will is recognized). I’ve questioned that simply because it seems like a big task to get everyone on board with Jon being legitimate and becoming their Lord and/or their King only to have them then immediately turn around and all accept he’s actually a Targ and will marry his “sister.” I wouldn’t be mad if that’s what Martin did, but when I think about how much agency he likes to give non POV characters, I’m a little skeptical he’d pull that turnaround off.

So then I think, well, maybe the idea is that unlike Jonnel, Jon will refuse Winterfell again and insist it is Sansa’s again only to ultimately be rewarded in the end by marrying her when she has the power to choose, and she chooses him? People have been very outspoken about how dumb they think the idea of Sansa being QitN is, and maybe that’s too much of a leap for the North because Martin does like his realism, but considering all the female heirs talk going on, Martin is certainly going to say something there, and Jon will have some complicating factors that might make Sansa more favorable to people.

Basically, Jon is a good person, he’ll do right by the Starks, is that the entire point? Look at the way the older generation of men treated women, this generation will be better? Or will Martin use the extraordinary circumstances to benefit Sansa / female heirs? Create an entirely new normal for the North? The story will talk to itself, but what exactly is it saying? That we can endlessly debate!

[ananicoleta]

I am supposed to be doing my homework rn but I can't concentrate. I have pent up feelings inside me and I feel like they are eating me up on the insite. I need to vent. Having nowhere else to turn to I decided tumblr.

WARNING: This is very LONG. I don't know what I'm even saying, I'm just ranting nonesensically at this point. If you don't want to read about the identity crisis of an overwhelemed teenage girl then feel free to ignore.

It all began a few days ago, Monday I think, when I went out with my two best friends (girls). One of them had just broken up with her bf (she wasn't too sad about it) and we were chatting about boys. Both of them had dated before, had flirted and kissed guys and even more. I have never done those things (although I sometimes wish I had someone) so I whistfully said 'When's gonna be my turn to have a bf?' This statement started a whole conversation.

They told me that I can't just wish for a bf, that things don't just happen and that I need to stop daydreaming all day and take action. At first, I didn't know what they meant. Then they started telling me that I am basically too childlike, seem too innocent and don't even try to attract guys. They told me that when I have conversations with them I don't even try to flirt or look at them with doe eyes (I suck at this), I just talk to them nicely, as if they are just my coworkers or classmates. This shocked me because I have never even thought about it that way.

I simply thought that if I am nice and if I have great ideas people will be attracted to me and like me. I bond with people over deep conversations, shared interests, ideas, concepts and things like these. But apparently this whole approach is wrong. Apparently, people during a conversation don't focus on the information, but on the person and on the body langauge. Small talk (which I don't really like tbh and I kinda suck at it) is appaerntly like that: NOT the information matters, BUT the person, the way they talk, how they move. This blew my mind.

They went on to say that I focus more on the information than the person (therefore I focus on the wrong things) and that gives boys the impression that I am not available or intersested. "You need to find the woman in you" they said. "We don't want you to change yourself, you are great the way you are, but you need to better yourself and evolve. You are not a child anymore".

Moreover, not only that I do this with boys but with everyone (well, duh, because I thought that this is how you are supposed to interact). They said I talk to everyone like they're a coworker or a classmate (I don't view people like that, I didn't know it looked that way) and that I always seem more interested in the information I recieve, not in bonding with the person (even though that is the way I bond).

The thing is, I also tend to zone out during conversations when they don't particulary interest me. I love to daydream (I do it for hours, while pacing back and forth, flapping my hands repeatedly and listening to music) and when the conversation gets boring, I start paying less attention to what is being said and mkre attention to my thoughts. Even with conversations that interest me, sometimes, I have to resist daydreaming (although it tends to happen less if I am very involved). They told me that that is wrong and "no wonder no one's interested in you since you don't look interested in them". Apparently, people do and should pay attention even when it gets boring?? I didn't know that! Why did no one tell me! (of course if I am one-on-one I do keep the conversation going to prevent it from becoming awkward, but if I'm in a group setting then I don't make a lot of effort. apparently that's wrong.)

The overall message was that I need to stop daydreaming so much, be more confident, improve my social skills, try to pay better attention to my surroundings and to the people around me and practice my flirting skills on boys (even if I have no idea how to do that or where to start). And the thing is, they, along with the majority of the girls around me, seem to be doing these things so effortlessly, they have a natural feminine charm, a way with people and I just don't know how to act, what to say, how to say it. It's incredibly weird. I tried to follow their advice ever since then, but it's not really working. I can't really pay attention to my surroundings, to people, all the time. It's overwhelming and exhausting. I still wind up daydreaming. Now I'm afraid that I'll never succeed and I'll remain single forever, that no one will be attracted to me or like me that way. I just don't know how to put myself out there.

This conversation also made me realize how differently I percieve the world and human interractions compared to my friends. I've always seen people as people. Boys, girls, it didn't matter to me. Apparently, that's not how it works. "I treat boys as if they are just normal people." I said. "Well, that's the thing," they said, "you mustn't treat them like people. You must treat them like boys." While I understand the logic behind it and what they are trying to say, it simply never occured to me to do that or think like that. Or that, if I don't act that way, then boys won't like me and percieve me as just a friend, a nice person, no attraction there, sir.

Tbh I've always felt a bit different. Different than them, than my classmates, than the world. Ever since I was young I was the weird one, the one kids picked on, the odd one out. Everything I did was just not right, the way I was and acted was wrong and I needed to change. Thankfully, I've adapted and now I don't do certain things in public (e.g flapping my hands) like I used to. I've understood that certain things are not socially acceptable, I've gotten better at human interractions (when I was in primary school and a bit of middle school, I was a disaster) and my social skills have improved. But I still feel like I'm almost always two steps behind everyone else, like there is something I just don't get. I don't know what it is and it frustrates me.

I thought that I might be neurodivergent, maybe autistic, but after a lot of research, I feel like I'm in between. I don't meet all of the criteria in order to be diagnosed with autism. I can interrpret facial expressions, figures of speech, hand gestures, most social cues, read between the lines, comfort people, get sarcasm and jokes (most of the time) and I can feel and show empathy (I'd say that I'm actually too empathetic). I DO have certain problems with certain stimuli but never to the point where it's actually hinderring. The only symptoms that I seem to have are stimming (hand flaping, pacing back and forth, ricking etc.), a niche interest (I've been interested in cartoons my whole life to the point that I read and know a lot about them and I only want to talk about them and I feel very connected to them and invest almost all my time and energy in them), perhaps executive dysfunction and a few problems here and there with some social norms and cues. I do have a fiery temper and I am very emotionally sensitive and I do have a lot of breakdowns, but I don't know if they can be classified as autistic meltdowns....

Idk where I'm going with this man... I guess I just feel very lost, like I'm neither neurodivergent nor neurotypical, like I'm stuck in between, like no matter what I do I'll never belong in any place, nor in the autistic community, nor with the NTs. Like no one will ever get me (I know I might seem self-centered but this is how I feel). I don't want to self-diagnoze (hello, imposter syndrome), but at the same time the thought of opening up to my friends and family, even to my therapist, leaves me petrified. I'm not scared of being judged. If I were neurodivergent I'm sure everyone I love would accept me. I'm actually afraid of being dismissed ("stop it, Ana. you're fine."). It would hurt just as much as exclusion.

Like I said, Idk where I'm going with this. It's just me veinting so I can get this off my chest and concentrate on my homework afterwards. Probably tomorrow I'll be back to rebliogging cartoons, completely ignoring this rant.🙃

[richmond-rex]

Hi, I’ve recently gotten into the WotR and Tudor eras and I’ve seen so much fatphobia surrounding Henry VIII, Elizabeth of York and Edward IV which has been so, so upsetting to read a out. Since you’ve spoken about this before and it’s been very refreshing and reassuring to read, I thought I’d send you this ask, I hope it’s okay.

For Henry VIII, his weight is directly linked to his morality and it’s so, so disgusting. The contrast between his golden handsome youth and tyrannical older years; the amount of articles I’ve seen solely dedicated to elaborating on just how fat he’d become when he died; and the inconsideration for his health – the amount of pus jokes I’ve seen are deeply uncomfortable. The words used to describe him as well – gross, morbid, hideous among so many others. People also often frame his weight as a sort of penalty for his actions – I’ve literally seen comments along the lines of “he executed his wives and became bloated and ugly as result, #justice” and it’s just????

It’s even more ridiculous for Elizabeth of York because you keep seeing comments on her weight gain which is bizarre because the girl had seven pregnancies? I’m really not sure what people expect? The idea of weight=beauty is often pedalled out in her case which is so infuriating because it’s simply not true? They’re not mutually exclusive and are not indicators of her worth? Like you’ve mentioned, an ambassador called her “very handsome” after five pregnancies, and she literally looked like depictions of saints at the end of her life. I’ve also seen comments which almost praise her husband for continuing to love her – I remember reading Arlene Okerlund write something like “Henry VII didn’t seem to mind” her weight gain – and those are so deeply twisted, both because they reduce Elizabeth’s worth solely to her beauty/sexuality and because they imply that her husband was doing something commendable by continuing to love her? Her weight is often linked to both her father and her son - I saw a comment on youtube that talked about her weight gain and said "like father like daughter" which is just???

Comments on Edward IV are just as disgusting. Like Henry VIII, his weight is linked to his morality and used to degrade him, especially in contrast to his youth – I recently read Thomas Penn’s book on the York brothers saying that Edward became a “bloated, avaricious tyrant” or something along those lines, never mind the fact that most rulers became more ruthless across their lives, and Edward appears to have been fairly well-liked regardless. Penn also mocked him for his “self-distorted parody” because he liked to show off despite his weight which is so fucked up – he was confident and charismatic, GOOD FOR HIM. It’s clear that he put on weight towards the end of his life, but like his daughter, the idea of weight=beauty is simply not true – Commynes and Thomas More both call him “very handsome and tall” and “not uncomely” respectively, Mancini mentions his “fine stature”, and I believe the Croyland Chronicle mentions the “attractions of his person” or something just 3-4 months before he died.

The idea of beauty = morality is so, so twisted. Especially because while these three seem to have been genuinely attractive and admired, beauty is often immensely exaggerated and embellished when it comes to historical figures, particularly when it comes to royalty. Most people looked like people, and it’s so upsetting and ridiculous to see these figures mocked and derided for their weight. Sorry, this got very long and feels more like a rant than a proper ask, but I really loved how you responded to some horrible comments on Elizabeth of York in particular. I should avoid Tudor TikTok and twitter lol, those people have no braincells.

Hi! I'm glad someone else is also disturbed by those comments. The way pop history authors like to push the idea that a person's physical appearance has anything to do with their morality is deeply offending, and it's discouraging to see their readers reproducing that kind of idea. Of course, the act of writing about history is reflective of our society's biases, and western society as a whole is so intrinsically fatphobic, it seems those authors don't think twice when they see an opportunity to jump on the schadenfreude bandwagon — at times you can tell the incredible personal delight they have in describing some historical figure's fine handsome built only to eagerly disparage them in every possible way later in life when they inevitable, in any way, start to lose the appearance they had in their youth. A common example too is how they talk about Elizabeth I's aging process (god forbid a woman look older than twenty-five amrite).

I remember Tracy Borman was especially revolting in this aspect in her book about the private lives of the Tudors, practically sallivating over Henry VIII's sensual cupid's bow during his youth only to describe his weight gain in the worst possible way later in her book. I have not read Thomas Penn's recent book on the brothers York but the terms you presented here were equally revolting. So a person putting on weight is the same as becoming 'a distorted parody' of oneself? I confess I dislike Penn, I think he lacks grace when talking about his subjects and always chooses the most sensationalistic sentences, and this new info only goes to confirm my opinion. I've talked about how I dislike the way Weir, Okerlund, and others, talk about Elizabeth's weight gain here and here. In my opinion it shouldn't even be a topic worth commenting? Yes, women put on weight after multiple pregnancies—why is this simple fact worth commenting on?

To be honest, I think we're past the point of giving so much importance to a historical figure's appearance as a whole, full stop. I'm tired of seeing people commenting on Margaret Beaufort's looks, for example, to imply that she was so ugly she could only have murdered the princes, but I'm also tired of seeing people giving so much importance to the so-called mythical Tudor red-gold hair. Unless it's a feature someone actually commented on during their life (so that it's got some importance historically speaking) I don't care about what shade of hair Henry VIII's great-grandniece had. I don't want to read an author sallivating over a white person's most special shade of hair ever again, quite frankly. Enough.

[valleyfthdolls]

Tell me about Rian :0

There is a LOT to say about Rian.

Rian o’Broin is the protagonist of a fangan I've been working on with a Discord friend, and the Ultimate Horror Novelist. From his personality segment of my comprehensive lore doc:

Rian is best described as eccentric. He has a very passionate love of horror and prefers stories over people, and tends to lock himself away in his writing. In fact, he’s highly socially awkward and very bad at talking to people. He is very emotionally driven, but seems to lack much confidence and prefers to protect himself from harm. He believes he is below the others at the academy and doesn’t deserve his success. It’s clear he suffers from an inferiority complex and sees things in a very black and white way. Not only does he view himself and his talent as completely separate entities, his talent good and himself bad, he similarly tends to idealize those he cares about and completely turn himself off to others he feels hurt or threatened by. This, along with his strong sense of a need for self defense, causes him to overreact in anger to situations where he feels attacked."

"Despite that, though, Rian is undeniably passionate, loving toward those he cares about, and over time, he shows himself to be very gentle with people who need help and extremely dedicated. Despite the personality he sees as unbearably awful, he has a very sweet side, a desire to look out for others, and he will do anything for those he loves. He simply fails to see it due to his black and white worldview and the way he emphasizes the negative aspects of his personality- poor social skills, emotional behavior, etc.- in his own mind."

In his eyes, he isn't really a person. He doesn’t feel like he’s on the same level as the people around him, and so he doesn’t really feel like he himself is a person. He feels like he doesn’t belong, and he views himself and his talents as two separate entities. Or maybe more accurately, like his talent was something bestowed upon him that he shouldn’t have, or something he stole from someone more deserving. The ultimates are special, they're better than everyone else, but he's not like them, he's not even as good as most normal people. Therefore, he is less than a person, and his talent doesn't belong to him.

He has hypoesthesia thanks to an injury he suffered as a kid, and almost his entire body is partially numb. As such, he's really vigilant about being touched, because the idea of something as simple as being touched happening to him and him not knowing freaks him out. He's very protective of himself and always wants to know what's going on if it involves him and keep himself safe and strong if anything happens.

This is in stark contrast to his love interest, Alice Aldaine, the Ultimate Psychologist, the girl next to Rian in the drawing I submitted for @gayestdangantourney. Alice is avoidant, and feels pressured to overperform and be easy on others. She doesn't know how to protect or fight for herself, so she withdraws, retreats, and stays away from any dangerous situation. In this way, they balance each other out, looking out for each other's safety and wellbeing. She tends to hide herself away for safety. Rian is very protective of Alice, but it takes him a long time to understand that she likes for who he actually is because of his struggle to actually understand himself as a person.

I submitted him for the gayest dangan character tournament despite having a female love interest because Rian is canonically a trans man, which is part of his idea of how he perceives himself and the world, and is also bisexual- having a long term romantic development with Alice as well as being both implicitly and explicitly attracted to other characters, male and female. Alice is revealed in chapter 1 to be trans as well, though she's more secretive about it because she passes easily as a cis girl. While it's not stated explicitly at any point for either of them, Alice is also bisexual.

Fun fact about Rian: his favorite breed of dog is samoyed, but his design is modeled loosely after a doberman. Dogs are a continued motif through Rian's character. Part of his backstory actually includes him having had a dog in his childhood.

[febfemality]

Sorry if this isn’t allowed here.

But I’ve been struggling with my sexuality recently.

I’ve always been VERY secretive about my sexuality. I haven’t even spoken about it so much on the internet.

But, I find that I’m struggling between wanting romance and being too scared of people/ unable to see myself being romantic with others. Growing up, I’ve always been anxious around others and so my romantic life is pretty much non-existent.

I have trouble with finding out whether I ever truly liked/loved another girl/women or if it’s something else.

I can recall having crushes on males who I admire for popularity reasons. As a mousy child they had what I used to always want so it had attracted me. But there were times where I had an attraction towards another girl or woman, too. Even to this day, there is a girl who I think about and who I wish I had pursued instead of e-dating some popular internet dude.

I don’t know. I think I’m wanting to gain some clarity on my sexuality but have no idea how to do this without interacting with others. Something that still terrifies me.

Hey, so I'm not sure how much I can help you. The thing about sexuality is that it's all very personal. From what you've told me, you haven't really explored what you are attracted to. I would take some time to sit with yourself, get yourself to a place where you aren't feeling anxious and you're by yourself and just imagine different scenarios with men and women. What attracts you? What makes you feel uncomfortable? Is it a 'I haven't done this and I'm nervous about it' uncomfortable or a 'I don't want that' uncomfortable. It's hard for people who don't know you well to help. Is it the men you are attracted to, or is it confidence? If it was a woman, would you be attracted to her?

Sometimes these things just take time to figure out, especially when you have a lot of anxiety. And it can be difficult for someone who doesn't know you well to help, particularly online.

Most of my confusion was simply denial and religious brainwashing, but I still knew I was attracted to women since childhood and didn't experience attraction to a male until I was in my mid-twenties.

Give yourself Grace and time and room for introspection.

I hope this is at least a bit helpful.

[winter-dayz]

F*ck. I’m so in Love with You | 62 - The Group Date

Y/N, Seungmin, and Minho relax in the sun while Y/N finally decides on what she needs to do.

Pairing: Felix Lee x Idol!Reader; BamBam x Idol!Reader; Kim Namjoon x Idol!Reader Idol AU; Slice of Life; Textfic Genre: Angst; Fluff Warnings: strong language, suggestive content

“So.. yeah.. That’s basically the gist of it,” Y/N confided, running a hand down her face and sighing heavily. Minho and Seungmin blinked at the older girl before looking at each other. “I know you both are friends with Felix, so I don’t expect unbiased opinions. I totally understand if you feel like you need to take his side, I just wanted to vent. I feel so lost and I don’t really know what to do.”

The two shared a look before Minho spoke up, “You do know what to do though…” He paused when her brows furrowed in protest. “Hear me out… You’ve talked to your members and Youngjae-hyung about it. If you want something serious, then you need to end it with one or both of them. And to do that, you need to decide who has the qualities for a relationship that you’re looking for.”

Seungmin joined in, “And for the whole Beomgyu thing, you just have to give him time. You can’t just make that better; he needs to process his emotions himself. The TXT guys might also be a little bitter because they’re protective, but it doesn’t seem like they hate you or anything. You’re both family to them. Just wait it out.”

Y/N nodded in understanding, if a little disheartened. “I guess you’re both right, it just feels like an impossible decision.” She leaned her forehead onto her arms and let out a large sigh. Seungmin leaned over to give her a sympathetic pat on the back.

“Personally, if I couldn’t immediately envision myself in a serious relationship with someone I’d been casually seeing for a while, then I would know where my heart belonged.” Minho mentioned. When Seungmin and Y/N both turned to look at him in confusion, Minho simply blinked at them and sipped his drink.

“Why are you being so cryptic? You’re so weird, hyung.”

Y/N shook her head, tilting it to think. “No, no. I get what he means… Basically, I shouldn’t choose either of them. I mean, I like them both. They’re great guys—funny, sweet, attractive—but I can’t really see anything past what we’ve had. I don’t see myself being serious with BamBam or Felix. At least not right now. And it’s not fair to continue to lead them on just in case I change my mind, I’ve known that for a while now. So I should end it with both of them.”

“You got all of that from him blinking?” Seungmin cocked an eyebrow.

Y/N shrugged, “Minho is very wise.” Minho and Y/N glanced at each other and then nodded in sync.

“I take it back,” Seungmin shook his head. “You’re both weird.”

Y/N broke into giggles, while Minho passed her a new drink. “What are you going to do about Youngjae-hyung though?” He asked.

She stopped laughing, “What do you mean?”

Seungmin and Minho shared a look. Minho finally looked away, and Seungmin chose his words carefully, “We just mean… that he’s your best friend, and you said he’s been kind of distant since you started dating.”

“I mean, yeah, but I don’t blame him… It’s weird for him that I’ve been seeing his bandmate.”

“And what was his excuse when you were seeing Namjoon?” Minho mumbled, but you still caught it.

“Hey! He wasn’t weird about that. He was just… He was hurt that I didn’t tell him myself.”

“And why would that bother him?” Seungmin pushed. They knew they should let her figure it out for herself. But it was so hard for all of her friends to watch two people who loved each other so much dance around the subject.

Minho jumped in before you could respond. “How do you think you’d feel if he started dating, say… Minnie from (G)I-DLE? They were pretty cute in that drama…”

“Minnie?!” Y/N nearly choked, eyes wide. The thought was so… odd to her. The idea that Youngjae would be someone else’s. That another girl would be his go-to. “No, I mean just… No? They wouldn’t be that cute together. He’d be cuter with someone like… With… Um…”

Seungmin grabbed her hand where she was nervously picking at her nail beds. “It’s okay, Noona. Just… think about it, okay?”

Masterlist | FILY Masterpost | Previous * Next

Taglist:  @soobin-chois, @remiee

[galene-gothic]

How do people at study/work perceive you?

PAID SERVICES

🍼 ˚ ｡ ୨୧˚ . Pile 1

Someone here might have a love rival or just someone who didn't get what they wanted. You might not even be aware of it, they might have given their best to something or someone but you got it instead. To be honest, they're really worthy and hardworking, I feel bad for them. They might see you as lucky and have a weird friendship or companionship with you, like they consider you to be nice and cute but you simply leave a bitter taste in their mouth? They might feel guilty about feeling such a way about you but they don't even have control over it :(. Some might see you to be low-key a home-wrecker. I feel like people used to gossip about you a lot when you were younger and now they cannot even do that? You might have grown out of your unconfident, naive, ugly girl phase and entered your confident, emotionally and strategically intelligent, pretty girl phase. People seem to be jealous of your romantic relationships or even just situationships. Someone here might be a gamer (only one or two people, doesn't have to be professional.) People might think that you play with feelings and are very arrogant, I feel like you're just very confident though. "I wanna be your setting lotion, hold your hair in deep devotion, atleast as deep as the Pacific Ocean, I wanna be yours." You might have a lot of admirers that you aren't even aware of (mostly failed talking stages.) I'm getting future predictions for you instead, I feel like someone here is going to some social event in within now-beginning of December, you're going to be really popular after that ☠️😭. Something about eyes might be significant for you guys, mole near the eyes (for a few of you.) You guys might have a domestic beauty like people imagine you doing really girlfriend-y stuff especially people of the opposite sex. People of the same sex might think you victimize yourself but don't have emotions at all? You seem to be really controlled on the outside, someone here might have capricorn placements. Very trendy looking though, Song Jia and Wonyoung are coming through. Some people of your sex think you change your voice while talking to the opposite sex-? You might just have a duality in the way you talk to people you consider attractive or close to you and the people you don't really care about too much. Someone here is known to be a fan girl or something, people might even think that you're always updated on whatever is going on in the celebrity or whatever you're interested in's updates, etc.

🍼 ˚ ｡ ୨୧˚ . Pile 2

Ahhh, it's funny you might have been attracted to the previous pile. While that gave us a rough idea of how people at a surface level view you, this is how people who manage to get really close to you (especially romantically view you.) I'm getting people never being able to get over you? Especially if you tend to not go past the talking stages☠️😭 those people you're involved with tend to be obsessed with you for years and even decades. I feel like this is a more romantic view of you, people might want to low-key own you and you might want to do the same. I'm getting someone here knowing exactly how to touch someone, what words to use, what gifts to give, etc. You've got a very aloof yet intense charm? It's like you could spend a whole day acting like someone's girlfriend or boyfriend and make them feel like the luckiest and the most loved person on the planet but you don't text them for like a month after that and it's not because you're consciously ghosting them, it kind of just happens? But you still manage to carry a youthful naivety and innocence with pure intentions, it's shocking actually because you seem to be very good at manipulating people. You might also be the type to be like "manipulation isn't necessarily bad..." I'm also getting the object/s of your interest getting scared by how you push and pull, they might choose to date someone else at times and regretting it. People of the same gender might think you're faking maturity/innocence/humility but are actually bitchy and full of yourself. Someone's name/someone's love interest's name here starts with a D, Z or R. Since, this is about how people at work or study view you, I think you might attract or date people from professional settings. You look cold yet warm, generous yet stingy, greedy yet giving, affectionate yet detached, people just cannot get enough of you. People might be really interested in who you're dating and some of you might get slut shamed sometimes just because you seem to have a more active love life. You seem to be a sweetheart though on the inside :(. Take care of yourself! Also you might have been attracted to Pile 3 but this pile is present energy while the next pile is the past.

🍼 ˚ ｡ ୨୧˚ . Pile 3

You might have been attracted to pile 2. I'm getting a similar situation to pile 2, like this seems to be a romantic perspective of you too but the energy is kinda different. You might come off low-key nerdy to your love interests but you're so attractive while doing so and you have something extremely youthful and innocent about yourself. Unlike pile 2, I'm getting people who like you just wanting to defend you and be there for you, feeling like they want to protect you. People see you to be extremely curious and low-key dumb. This pile seems to be the past energy of the previous pile. I'm also getting people who know you thinking that you're really sexual like I'm not sure what is going on here. You have a complex personality, some of you might be chamelions and might feel like you don't have a personality of your own. "Your beauty never ever scared me." You might feel ugly :( most of you might not be very confident and happy about the way you come off. I'm getting a lot of young venusian risings and also virgo risings picking this pile. You guys might have a hard time because even though you might be pretty, you might not be the kind of pretty that you desire to be or atleast you feel like that. I'm getting people finding you really attractive though, I'm getting people not being able to resist you because you just seem to be so naive and such pure intentions, it sometimes annoys people, people you like might often if not always like you back because of the way that you are, they feel really guilty if they don't talk about you highly or aren't there for you. Y'all are going to have a glow up soon !! Stay ready and open to changes !! But your admirers might tease you a lot and be mean to your face like that's just their love language ☠️. If you're insecure, people can pick up on that, please try to be confident.

[cheesiedomino]

When Worlds Collide Pt 2.

genre: non-idol au, college au, established relationship, hyunjin x fem!reader, badboy!hyunjin x innocent!reader, pg-15

wc: 6.2k 

tags/warnings: fluff, angst, kissing, cursing, themes of anxiety and insecurities (regarding the reader), alcohol usage, mentions of drugs (weed), has some suggestive moments but nothing that detailed, some violence (fighting), faint mentions of blood, that’s all i think but if i missed anything let me know please !

synopsis: now that you’re dating Hyunjin, things are going seemingly well and he does his best to try and be a good boyfriend for you. you feel as though you have finally found your person, but one night was all it took to cause a shift in your relationship, for better or for worse.

{a/n: hello everyone! i just want to take a moment to thank everyone that’s read the first part of When Worlds Collide. i’m glad so many people liked it and since i planned on making a part 2 anyway i’m more than excited to post this :) i hope you all enjoy it and as always feedback and your opinions are much appreciated, thank you <3}

You look at yourself through the mirror, you just couldn’t stop staring. It wasn’t because you thought you looked spectacular or anything, it was because you looked different. As in a completely different person that you couldn’t even recognize yourself. You were wearing the most skin-tight black dress with high heels, you did your makeup in a way that you’ve never done before, and you even put on lipstick, which is something you never wear. You wanted to surprise Hyunjin, your boyfriend, with your new look. 

‘He won't see this coming from a mile away’ you thought as you giggled to yourself, getting ready to go to a party with him. However, the confidence that you had a few hours ago came crashing down once the full look was complete. You just didn’t feel like yourself at all. You keep repeating in your head that this wasn’t about you and this was for Hyunjin, if he likes it that’s all that matters to you. You were also going to meet his other fraternity brothers tonight so you prepared conversations in your head to make sure you won’t royally fuck everything up. You wish your roommate Sana was here right now so she could give you words of encouragement but unfortunately she had to do something for her sorority. You felt so alone without her at times but Hyunjin has thankfully filled that void for you. 

As you finally semi-come to terms with the way you looked you sit on your bed and text your boyfriend to ask where he is, texting you back almost immediately.

‘Had 2 pick up stuff b there in 10’ 

You’re so used to his grade school grammar over text that you simply don’t pay much attention to it anymore.

‘Okay see you soon! I have a surprise for you ;)’ You cringed as you typed that winky face out.

‘What is it?’

‘It’s a surprise for a reason!’

‘Haha ok’

You’re so nervous at this point, you don’t know what he’s going to think. What will his friends think? You’re now back to overthinking every little thing. You want to run to your closet and change really quick to something that you’re actually comfortable in. But you don’t, you want to fully commit to this plan, this idea that you’ll look like Hyunjin’s dream girl. Hyunjin is the first boyfriend you’ve ever had, growing up in the small town you did, you didn’t have many good options. All the boys that lived in your town were not your type at all, they all had conservative views and were extremely judgmental. You swore you’d never date a man like that. The boys you have “dated” before were terrible and they would just go for someone else that they deemed was more attractive. 

You felt like a second choice all the time but Hyunjin has never made you feel that way. He’s always telling you how lucky he is to have you, holds hands with you on campus, and even skips going out to be with you if you ask. It’s nice that he does all those things for you but in the back of your mind, you still feel as though you’re not good enough, as if he’s made a mistake. That’s why you’re in the predicament you’re in now, fighting a battle with yourself over the way you look just to get Hyunjin’s attention, which is something you quite literally already have. Your thoughts were halted by your phone vibrating. You look at the notification and it’s from Hyunjin saying that he’s here. 

You let out a deep sigh as you tried your best to prepare yourself to even look Hyunjin in the eye right now. You should be feeling confident in this new look but all you feel is dread and doubt. 

There’s no turning back now so you just grab your bag and start heading out the door. You see the red-headed boy outside leaning on his car like he always does, looking down at his phone. You don’t think Hyunjin heard you walk out since his stance hasn’t changed once from you heading towards him. As you get closer you clear your throat loud enough to get him to hear you, his head automatically shot up. As you accidentally make eye contact with him you begin to panic. His whole facial expression changed, he went from looking relaxed to now being dumbfounded. His eyes grew wide and his mouth was slightly open. It was as if he’d seen a ghost or something. You walked up to him, still no words coming out of Hyunjin’s mouth. 

“Well, what do you think?” You say giving him a weary smile, trying not to hide the obvious fact that you’re anxious out of your mind over his opinion. 

He still doesn’t say a word, all he’s doing is looking at you up and down, if looks could kill, his gaze would have you in a coffin right now. 

“Earth to Hyunjin?” You say waving a hand in front of his face, making sure he’s okay.

He blinks a couple of times in a row and finally speaks “So this is my surprise?” 

“Yeah… what do you think of it?” You say as you look at the ground.

“You wanna know my honest opinion?” 

‘Yes, that was literally the whole point of doing all of this!’ you think to yourself.

“Y-yes..” Is all you muttered though.

“I think you look smoking hot” He admits. 

That was all you needed to hear from him. It was like you could finally breathe again. 

“You’re so sexy, baby. I could just eat you whole right now.” He says while licking his lips. 

Well, you weren’t expecting him to say all that. You never had someone call you sexy before and it made you feel something. Something that you’ve never felt before. All you could do was blush and say thank you though.

“I swear if I have to fight someone tonight over you looking this hot you better not be angry with me,” Hyunjin says as he opens his car door for you. 

“There will be no fighting!” You say, getting into the car, as you do Hyunjin lightly slaps your butt which startled you. You were about to tell him to stop but you remind yourself that he is your boyfriend and he’s allowed to joke around with you like this. You’re so inexperienced with relationships that you’re not even sure how one acts when they’re in one. 

As Hyunjin is driving he tries stealing quick glances over at you, he couldn’t help but stare at you every chance he got. You noticed him doing this and you giggled, 

“What are you looking at?” You ask him, you know what he’s looking at, you just wanted to act oblivious. 

“I’m looking at you baby, you’re kinda driving me insane right now not gonna lie.” He says. 

This made you feel that same rush you were feeling when he called you sexy, he’s never said any of these kinds of things to you. Maybe this new getup wasn’t so bad for you after all, you’re getting your boyfriend all worked up to this party and now he won’t be able to control himself in front of his friends. You were still nervous about meeting everyone though and parties aren’t really your thing so you won’t even be mad if Hyunjin wants to leave early to go back and make out with you. 

“Okay we’re here,” He says, coming to a stop in front of a large house. It was a tad bit smaller than Sana’s sorority house but it was still gorgeous nonetheless. You get out of the car and Hyunjin immediately grabs your waist. He’s being so possessive right now and you couldn’t help but find it endearing. As you both walk in you see the colorful disco ball on the ceiling, you see tons and tons of people, your anxiety shoots right back up, it’s now sinking in that you’re here. You haven’t gone to a party since that night you met Hyunjin and it’s bringing flashbacks from that night. You remembered everything so vividly as if it was just yesterday. Had you not said yes to Sana’s offer you would still be single. You find that insane and you couldn’t be more than grateful for what happened. You sometimes want to thank Sana for being your roommate since if this all wasn’t for her, you would be cooped up in your room all day. 

“Come over here,” Hyunjin says to you as he sits on an empty couch, you sit next to him. 

“Seriously?” He says, frowning at you, at that point you knew what he actually wanted. 

You stand up and sit back down, this time you’re on his lap. 

“Better.” He smiles and puts his head on your shoulder, his arms are hugging you from behind and you felt so appreciated in this moment. You caught a couple of girls staring at you and you wanted to crawl up into a ball from all the attention. You knew that Hyunjin was popular but the fact that almost every girl seemed to hiss with envy really took you aback. You felt so out of place like you didn’t belong there with him. You just wanted to run and hide. 

“Babe,” Hyunjin whispers in your ear.

“Yes?” 

“Kiss me.” He says bluntly.

You looked around and felt so awkward. Girls were still staring and it made you feel so uncomfortable. 

“But there are people staring.” You tell him, scared of what those people might say about what you’re doing. 

“You think I really give a shit? Let them watch.” He says grabbing your face with his right hand, he brought your lips towards his. Your lips finally came in contact and it felt fiery. You could feel all of his pent-up emotions through the kiss and you couldn’t stop even if you wanted to. His kisses are always so intoxicating, leaving you feeling drunk after them. Every time you stop, you want to go back for more. His tongue intertwines with yours, you fully shifted your entire body to be facing him now and you don’t even care who sees at this point. All you need is Hyunjin’s lips on yours and the rest of the world doesn’t exist anymore. 

“Damn bro, get a room!” You hear a man’s voice shouting at the two of you. 

You immediately pull away from him, getting off his lap, you felt so embarrassed now. You look up and see some guy you’ve never seen a day in your life. He was kinda short but he had a nice build and the smirk on his face was evident from what he had just seen.

“Fuck off Changbin.” Hyunjin retorts, crossing his arms at the man across from him.

“You must be y/n?” The man you’re assuming is named Changbin, asks you.

“Yes, that’s me.” You say shyly, too afraid to make eye contact with the guy. 

“This is my girlfriend.” Hyunjin says, putting his arm around you and kissing your cheek. 

“She’s cute, wonder how long this is gonna last!” The man says to Hyunjin, chuckling.

“Shut the fuck up,” Hyunjin says to him in a serious tone. “You’re really annoying, I hope you know that.”

“Whatever man.” The man rolls his eyes at him.

“Anyways… this is one of my fraternity brothers, Changbin.” Hyunjin finally properly introduces you to him. 

“Hi, Changbin, nice to meet you.” You say reaching out your head to give a handshake, however, he refuses the gesture. 

“Nice to meet you too y/n, we don’t shake hands around here, by the way, to properly introduce yourself in this house you need to take a shot!” 

You gulped as you heard him say that, you don’t enjoy drinking and it’s something you rarely engage in. ‘Just suck it up’ you think to yourself, if this is the way you need to get Hyunjin’s friend’s approval then so be it. 

“Oh okay,” You say as you start to get up from the couch, Hyunjin grabs your arm though.

“You really don’t have to if you don’t want to, Changbin’s just being an ass right now.” He says to you.

“It’s okay Hyune, I want to” You reassure him. 

You get up to go into the kitchen with Changbin, Hyunjin is walking right behind you to make sure no funny business goes on. Changbin grabs a bottle of whiskey and pours it into three shot glasses, giving one to you, him, and Hyunjin. 

“You know I can’t say no to whiskey,” Hyunjin says to Changbin taking a swig of the whole thing already.

“Dude, you were supposed to wait until I counted to three!” Changbin says annoyed at Hyunjin’s low tolerance for being patient. 

“Pour another one then,” Hyunjin says giving his glass to Changbin.

He pours him another shot and Changbin finally starts counting, “Alright, 1, 2, 3, go!” 

You let the liquid consume you and your throat begins to burn. You regret drinking that immediately. You made a twisted face and put the shot glass down, coughing to clear your throat. The coughing only made the burning sensation in your throat worse. 

“How do you guys drink this stuff?” You ask the both of them, still trying to recover from it. 

“You just get used to it,” Changbin says shrugging his shoulders.

“Come upstairs the rest of us are up there,” Changbin says to Hyunjin. 

“The smoke room?” Hyunjin asks. ‘Smoke room?’ you think, this couldn’t be a room just designated to smoke in, that has to be some code name for something. 

“Yeah.” Changbin replies. 

“Come on let’s go y/n.” Hyunjin takes your hand in his as he follows Changbin up the staircase. 

You used your free hand to try and pull down your dress since it kept riding up, you never wore clothing this tight so it was quite annoying having to fix it every 5 seconds. As all three of you continue walking, Changbin stops at a door with a large sign on it, the sign read 'KNOCK BEFORE COMING IN OR ELSE'. You really weren’t sure why it said that but Changbin did as the sign was told and knocked on the door three times. You waited a bit then you heard some shuffling going on in the room,

“Who is it?” You heard a man’s voice from inside the room say.

“It’s just me bro.” Changbin answers. 

“Who else?” 

“Hyunjin too, he brought his girl with him.” 

There was silence for a bit after that, you could hear a girl giggling in the room as well. 

“Let them in.” You heard another voice say, probably to the person that was asking all the questions. The door suddenly cracks open and a head peeps through making sure it was the people that Changbin said were coming in. The door fully opens and a large cloud of smoke hits you in the face immediately. It was so foggy in the entire room you think to yourself that you’ll probably get a second-hand high from just being in here. You looked around to see 6 other men in the room, they were all watching something on the TV and that’s when you saw the person you were least expecting. Your roommate, Sana was in there too. She was talking and laughing with some guy, she had a joint in her hand and she looked so pretty as always. Sana looks up and sees you in the room with Hyunjin and Changbin, the look on her face was just priceless.

“Y/n?!” She says confused yet excited.

“Oh my god, Sana you’re here too?!” You were kind of relieved that she was, you have two of your most favorite people with you right now and you couldn’t be any happier. 

“I always come here to chill with my boys!” Sana exclaims, Changbin comes up to her to give her a hug. 

You should’ve known that she would be here, she’s practically best friends with everyone in this frat and her sorority sisters all love her to death. You can’t think of one person that dislikes her, she’s just so cool. 

The boys you haven’t met yet were all now staring at you, you hate when the spotlight is on you. You wish Hyunjin would hurry up and say something and your thoughts came true within seconds,

“Guys, this is my girlfriend y/n,” Hyunjin says introducing you to all of his friends, you felt so awkward with all of them just looking at you. The outfit you had on wasn’t making you feel any better. 

“Hi y/n, I’m Chan.” A man comes up to you to shake your hand, you took it and he smiled at you. 

“Nice to meet you.” You tell him.

“How long have you and Hyunjin been dating?” He asks.

Before you could answer though, Hyunjin responds for you, “A good amount of time.” is all he says.

Chan just chuckles, Hyunjin always says things in a condescending tone, as if he’s talking down to others. You don’t even know why people put up with it but they do, they adore Hyunjin for his blunt attitude and honesty. You hated the way he acted with you at first, however, your entire perception changed because of his actions towards you. He doesn’t act this way around you and you feel as though he’s his true self when he’s with you. He doesn’t put on a persona for you, he’s just Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin starts pointing to the other guys in the room, “That’s Seungmin, that’s Jeongin, that’s Felix, Minho, and… where’s Han?”

Everyone looks around to realize that Han was missing, you don’t even know who he is yet you want to know his whereabouts too. 

“He probably went to go take a shit,” Minho says laughing to himself as he drinks something out of a red cup. 

“Or went to fuck someone.” Felix chimes in on the conversation.

“I’ll go try and find him,” Hyunjin says, “Come with me.” He motions for you to take his hand and walk out of the room with him.

“You don’t want to smoke?” Jeongin asks Hyunjin as he’s walking out the door.

“Maybe in a bit,” He says.

You’re back to the party and there’s a swarm of people, Hyunjin pushes people out of the way trying to clear space for you. No one dares to say anything to him though since he is part of this frat and a lot of people are pretty scared of him. You feel like you’ve been walking for hours since the house was so big and you felt so tired. You were stopped in your tracks when a girl came up to Hyunjin, she was also wearing a very revealing outfit just like you were but she actually looked confident in it. She smiled at Hyunjin and said something to him, but you couldn’t hear it over the blaring music. Hyunjin said something back to her and he continued walking after that, however, she wouldn’t give up. Hyunjin sighed and told you to stay right here and he’s going to the kitchen for a minute, he’ll be right back. You just stood there completely alone, you grew worried about what he could be talking about with her. ‘Is this one of the girls he used to talk to before you met?’ You wonder to yourself, feeling a bit insecure at that moment. 

“Hey, you look lost.” A man says coming up to you, he had longish brown hair that hid part of his face and he also had a couple tattoos on his arms. 

“No, I’m not, I’m just waiting for my boyfriend.” You say to him, usually, you would say that kind of thing as an excuse but this time you were really telling the truth. It felt so good to say that you actually had a boyfriend. 

“Girl you don’t need to lie to me, and even if you did he doesn’t have to know,” The guy kept trying to flirt with you but you wanted nothing to do with him. You were trapped in this situation though since Hyunjin told you to stay right there until he comes back. 

“I’m not lying,” was simply all you said.

“Okay, well screw your boyfriend come hang out with me tonight, I’ll give you a good time.” 

You wanted to throw up, this is the exact reason why you hated going to parties. The way men try to throw themselves at any woman that gives them the slightest bit of attention always bothered you. You wanted nothing to do with this guy and he wouldn’t leave you alone no matter how hard you tried. 

“My name’s Han, what’s yours?” He asked. 

Then all of sudden it clicked for you. You realized this was one of Hyunjin’s frat brothers trying to hit on you. You knew if Hyunjin caught him doing this he’ll be furious. You’ve got to find a way to get out of this situation quickly. That’s when you heard your boyfriend’s voice behind you,

“Where the hell have you been?” Hyunjin asks Han who’s right across from you. 

“Dude can’t you that I’m fucking busy?” Han says to Hyunjin, he looks back at you as if he’s about to say something but that’s when Hyunjin swiftly interrupts and walks in between the both of you. 

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” Hyunjin starts speaking louder, “I always knew you were a dick but to disrespect me in my face like this is so low even for you!” 

“Disrespect? She’s just some random bitch I met at a party, and I have the right to tell you to fuck off!” 

“She’s what now?” 

You can tell that Hyunjin is only getting angrier the more he talks to Han, he’s already made a fist with his hand and is even getting up in Han’s face. 

“She’s my girlfriend you dumbass!” Hyunjin’s ears became as red as his hair as he was filled with rage. You knew what was about to happen yet you didn’t say or do anything to stop it, it was as if you were frozen in time or something. You just stood there watching everything go down, little by little. 

“Well, how the hell was I supposed to know that? I just met her, maybe if she didn’t dress like such a thot I wouldn’t have gone up to her!” Han starts to get up in Hyunjin’s face too.

That’s when you blanked out for the rest of the time. You don’t really remember much of what happened during those 10 minutes but you do remember Han’s nose was bleeding and so was Hyunjin’s right hand. You think Minho and Chan broke up the fight and made Hyunjin leave or else they were afraid of the cops coming from people running out of the house. You heard Hyunjin say how he didn’t give a shit if the cops came since his father could just easily bail him out anyway. He really hated to brag about things like that but he couldn’t help but gloat about the fact he won’t be paying the consequences for any of this. You don’t remember much else so when you woke up inside Hyunjin’s car you were very confused. 

“Finally awake I see.” You heard Hyunjin’s voice as you flutter your eyes open.

“W-what just happened?” You ask him.

“Nothing, I’m just driving you home and I’m going back to my place to sleep.” He says trying to keep a cool and collected image for you. He’s actually still furious on the inside. Han exchanged more words with Hyunjin and got even more disrespectful towards him, and you. You just didn’t know since you fainted from having a really bad panic attack. Everything went black after Hyunjin threw his fist at Han and the rest was just fading in and out. You notice how fast Hyunjin was driving the car and it induces your anxiety levels. 

“I can’t believe he would say some shit like that to my face,” Hyunjin mutters to himself under his breath, “fucking piece of shit.”

You just sat there trying not to focus on how dangerously fast he’s going down this highway right now. You hug your body for protection, not really sure how fast he’s going but it’s fast enough that you don’t even feel safe being in this car anymore. 

“He’s out of his fucking mind for talking to me like that, I should’ve sent him to the hospital with more broken limbs than just his nose!” His voice grew louder at the last sentence. He’s always been short-tempered and it doesn’t take much for people to piss him off but this was next level. He wanted to hurt Han in a way that he’s never done before, he wanted to hurt him so bad that he never wanted to see him ever again. He couldn’t stand to see anyone talk to you like the way Han did, he had to teach him a lesson. He was just so angry in that moment and driving was what he took it out on. He was going so fast you felt yourself getting dizzy.

“Hyunjin,” You say quietly trying to get his attention.

He doesn’t answer you and simply continues muttering under his breath, you can see the dried blood all over his knuckles and his eyes were solely focused on the road.  

“Hyunjin, can you please slow down?” You try asking politely as you wish he would just snap out of this trance and drive normally. 

He still doesn’t listen and only steps on the gas even harder, making you start fearing for your life. You’re going so fast that you can’t even think straight, other cars on the road were honking at Hyunjin’s car, he didn’t pay attention to any of this at all. He continued to keep driving recklessly and you were shouting asking for him to stop repeatedly. 

That’s when you almost crashed into another car as Hyunjin accidentally ran a red light, he swerved out of the way just in the right amount of time, or else you both would’ve been severely messed up. As the car came to a halt you were heavily breathing in and out, you were about to have another major panic attack twice in one day. This was taking a toll on your already poor mental state so you just sat there in the passenger seat sobbing. You saw your life flash before your eyes in mere seconds and you were visibly shaken up from all of this. 

“I’m so sorry y/n…” Hyunjin finally spoke. 

You were still sobbing and shaking from the almost car accident that happened. You were trying to get yourself to stop but the tears just kept coming. 

“Please don’t cry, I’m so sorry y/n I should’ve listened to you,” He says as he turns towards you. “I don’t know what happened it was like something in my mind just took over me.” 

He goes in to hug you but you flinch, you’re just so vulnerable right now any and everything scares you. You wished none of this had ever happened and you regret even going to this party with Hyunjin. That’s when you start to overthink again, you think about how this whole night was basically your fault. Your thoughts trace back to the party, you think about what Han thought of you and him calling you all those horrible names. ‘Had I not worn this ridiculously short dress, none of this would’ve ever happened’ you thought to yourself. You start to cry again, you wanted nothing more than to wish this night never existed.

“I’m really sorry Hyunjin, this is all my fault” You choke out through your tears, you felt as though you were the sole responsibility for what happened tonight. 

“What are you sorry for y/n and how the hell is any of this your fault?” He says with the most confused look on his face.

“Han was right, I shouldn’t have dressed like this, I only wanted to do it to impress you but still…” You look out the window as you said that.

“Look at me,” He said it like a demand more than a question but you couldn’t face him.

“Y/n, please look at me.” He asks you one more time in a stern voice.

You finally do as you’re told and slowly turn your head to look at him. 

“Your actions have nothing to do with what happened y/n. Absolutely nothing.” He says in a calm tone. “What he said about you was not based on your character, he doesn’t even know you.”

Hyunjin takes a deep breath and takes your hand in his, the one that wasn’t stained with blood on them. 

“You also don’t need to change the way you look for me baby, I like you just the way you are already, the girl that I fell in love with.” You were stunned by his sudden words. ‘Fell in love?’ you felt your heart skip a beat. Did he really just mean that?

“You fell in love with me?” You asked in such an awkward way you immediately regret saying that, you hide your face in your hands. 

“If I said I didn’t believe in love at first sight until I met you, would you think I’m lying?” He says, taking your hands off your face and bringing it closer to his. 

“I- I don’t know…” You say to him.

“I really think I’m in love with you y/n, I’m not afraid to admit it anymore. It’s okay if you can’t say it back right now but I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you do one day.” 

You couldn’t help but melt at his words right now, you’ve never felt so appreciated, so loved by anyone before. 

You smiled at him and he came closer to your lips. He pressed his lips against yours and you relax into the kiss right away. You end up aggressively making out with him, he unbuckled your seatbelt and you were now in the driver's seat with him on his lap. Your fingers were entangled in his bright red locks and every time you pulled on it he would wince a bit. Each time you pulled away from the kiss you’d both just grin at each other and go right back to kissing. Each time was more passionate than the last and you would do this all day and night if you could. As you’re both panting and trying to catch your breath from that hot and heavy makeout sesh, you look at how beautiful Hyunjin’s side profile was. His jawline was so sharp, and the way his hair dangled in front of his face was so hot for some reason too. You thought Hyunjin was a walking piece of art, you sometimes couldn’t believe you were dating him. You never thought that he’d felt the same exact way as you did since your self-esteem has always been awfully low, yet Hyunjin reminds you daily how beautiful he thinks you are. He’s told you on numerous occasions how you’re the most gorgeous woman he’s ever seen and how much you mean to him. You thank him each and every time yet you never fully believe everything he tells you. You’re not sure if you can 100% say that you love Hyunjin yet, but you do know for sure that you like him a lot. You showed your feelings for him through kissing and he couldn’t get enough of your charisma. 

“Alright, let me finally take you home,” Hyunjin says as he begins driving again. 

This time he’s driving at the speed limit, not giving you the heart attack you once had moments ago. He’s much calmer now and you can tell that making out with him was the perfect remedy for all his rage. Once he made it back to your dorm you gave him a hug and another long kiss that would leave him feeling completely whipped for you. You giggled as he pouted to you while you walked through the door, not wanting you to ever leave his side. He felt so possessive over you, not in the way that would be toxic, but in the way he wants you to himself. He loves smothering you, kissing you, holding you, he just wants to give you all his love and although you’re not used to it, you’ve grown to really enjoy this side of him. He’s not this way with anyone else so it makes you feel different in a good way, like you’re the chosen one. 

You head inside your room and as you turn on your light you see Sana and another guy on her side of the room fumbling with the blankets. They were both underneath the covers and from what you could presume, naked. You now recognize the guy in the bed with her, it was Changbin. Your mouth was wide open, you’ve never caught Sana doing this before and although you know she has an active sex life you’ve never seen it in action before.

You close your eyes and turn back around “Sorry if I interrupted anything, I’ll be on the couch,” quickly leaving the room as you head towards the living room. You couldn’t believe you just accidentally walked in on your roommate with Changbin, there have been way too many traumatizing moments for you in one night to handle. You suddenly heard the door open once again and it was Changbin coming out. He walked past you and faintly waved you goodbye before leaving out the main door. Once he was gone, Sana came out and sat next to you on the couch just wearing a big t-shirt. 

“Hi y/n, real sorry you had to see all that. I just didn’t know if you were coming back tonight.” She says as she plays with her necklace. 

“It’s fine Sana, it’s literally 4 am I get why you would think that.” 

The room went silent for a bit then Sana finally spoke up again, deciding to ask about your mental state.

 “Are you doing okay? You can be honest with me” She put her hand on your shoulder to comfort you. 

“I’m fine right now… to be honest, I was a mess earlier but I’m actually doing okay right now.” You tell her. 

She sighs in relief, “That’s good.”

“Are you and Changbin a thing now?” You ask her. 

She’s now suddenly taken aback by your words and scoffs at your question, “Changbin is a cool guy but I’m basically sleeping with him just to make Chan jealous.” 

You knew Sana and Chan used to date a while back but they had broken up for some reason, Sana really wants to get back with him one day though. 

“Well, I hope that works out for you?” You say, not really sure if her plan will work. 

“Hyunjin told me that he loved me today” You blurted out to Sana, you didn’t even realize you said it, it just came out. 

“Oh my god that’s amazing y/n, you might’ve found the one!” Sana says taking both of your hands and smiling at you. “Did you say you loved him back?”

“No…” But before she could say anything you made sure to clarify, “That doesn’t mean I don’t like him any less! It’s just I want to take things slow for now.” 

“I get it, especially for you, you need to take things slow. I hope he respects that and doesn’t pressure you to do things” She says.

“He doesn’t, don’t worry he’s very patient with me.” You reassure her. 

She smiles once again and gives you a big hug, she can see how much you’ve grown from this relationship. You’re slowly starting to come out of your shell and soon you’ll become a beautiful butterfly. You’re so happy in your relationship with Hyunjin and Sana can see that through you. She couldn’t be more than happy and supportive of you and although he may have been a player in the past, that was before you knew him, you shouldn’t judge him for his past. We all have rocky moments in our life but that’s what makes us human at the end of the day and you appreciate the good and the bad in him.

You and Sana both head to bed and as you’re about to go to sleep you get a text from Hyunjin, it read the following,

‘B ready by 5 tmrw, it’s a surprise ;)’ 

End<3

[parkerslatte]

𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐅𝐅𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄 || 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐰𝐨

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐮𝐦 𝐎𝐩𝐮𝐬 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Summary: Y/N quickly makes a name for herself around Hawkins High and catches up with a particular middle schooler.

Warnings: none

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𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐎: 𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒, 𝐍��𝐖 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒

Sitting down at the back of the classroom for her final period of the day, Y/N simply rested her head on the desk, suppressing a groan. All day she had been catching up with people she had once known, granted there weren’t a lot of them but due to her new found confidence and good looks - she was gaining a lot more attention than she ever had before. Y/N wasn’t sure why she was so nervous that morning to come into the school, she had fit right back in and it was like she had never left. 

“Now what’s a pretty girl like you doing with your head down?” A voice spoke to Y/N, who still rested her head upon the desk.

Lifting her head up, Y/N was shocked to see probably one of the most attractive guys she had ever seen standing in front of her. His dirty blonde mullet perfectly framed his face, his blue eyes were ones that you could stare at and not get bored of and the jeans he was wearing fit him in all the right places. Y/N couldn’t help but check him out. 

“Is this seat taken?” He questioned, gesturing to the empty seat next to her. 

Despite his looks and how friendly he might have seemed approaching Y/N, she knew deep down that she most likely didn’t want to be affiliated with him. He was definitely not the type of person she would hang around with willingly. Even though it would have probably been a good idea to ignore him, saying that someone else was sitting there, Y/N answered his question before she could even think.

“No,” Y/N said, “Not at all.”

The boy sent her a smile and slid into the seat, making sure to shuffle it a little closer to Y/N so their arms brushed as he moved. Y/N wanted to try and shuffle away, feeling a little awkward as she had just met the boy, but she couldn’t move her chair any further away so she was stuck there.

“So,” The boy said casually, resting his arm on the back of the chair, “You’ve really made quite the impression in the school.”

Y/N became flustered by the way the boy looked at her, “I wouldn’t exactly call it an impression, people just remember me from middle school that’s all. I only moved back to Hawkins yesterday.”

“There’s one thing we have in common already,” The boy said, “I’m new to this school as well. Only arrived a week ago. The name’s Billy. Billy Hargrove.”

“Nice to meet you Billy.” Y/N greeted with a smile. 

“Lovely to meet you too, Y/N.”

“You know my name?” The girl questioned.

“Like I said,” Billy said, leaning closer to her, “You’ve made a name for yourself around school.”

Y/N only gave Billy a shy smile before turning her attention to the teacher who had just walked into the class - deciding to try and ignore Billy for the rest of the period.

What Y/N didn’t notice however was Steve Harrington sat at the opposite end of the class, seemingly glaring daggers into Billy Hargrove’s head. Rolling his eyes, he turned his attention to the front of the class as the teacher began talking.

***

Y/N couldn’t be quicker to her feet and out of the class before Billy could say another word to her. As she walked past multiple people, she thought that she had lost him in the crowd but she was sorely mistaken.

“Where are you going so fast?” Billy questioned. 

“Oh,” Y/N said, “Home, my mom said that she wanted me home straight after school to help unpack things.”

“See that’s too bad as I was going to see if you wanted to hang out after school,” Billy said, stepping closer to Y/N, towering over her, “We would have a really fun time.”

Y/N looked down flustered, no guy had ever made her flustered before. No guy had ever been as smooth as Billy so she had to give it to him for his confidence. 

“That sounds nice Billy but I promised my mom,” Y/N said, “Maybe some other time?”

Billy leant down so his mouth brushed the top of Y/N’s ear, “I’ll hold you to that.”

As Billy stalked off down the hall, Y/N watched after him, only looking away once she was completely out of sight. 

“You should stay away from him.” A voice spoke from behind Y/N, startling her. 

Whipping around she came face to face with the one person she wanted to avoid at all costs. 

“Steve,” Y/N greeted in a monotone voice, “What do I owe the pleasure?”

“You’re standing in front of my locker.” Steve answered in the same tone as Y/N.

Stepping to the side, Y/N allowed him to his locker, “What do you mean ‘stay away from him’? You don’t control my life, Harington.”

“Never said I did,” Steve said, opening his locker, “I was just giving you a word of advice. He’s bad news, Y/N.”

“Oh, so you’re using my name now?” Y/N questioned, folding her arms across her chest, “I remember when you used to call me-”

“Yeah but that’s all a thing of the past now alright,” Steve said, cutting her off, “I’ve changed.”

“I can tell,” Y/N said, leaning against the locker, “And I can also tell that Nancy had a lot to do with that.”

“Ditching Tommy and Carol helped as well.” Steve added.

“Oh you finally ditched them?” Y/N questions, “After they made my life a living hell? Wow, that totally makes you a whole new man.”

“Y/N, I don’t want to fight-”

“I don’t either but when you decide to try and control my life out of the blue by telling who I can hang out with and who I can’t, I can’t help myself but get a little defensive.” Y/N spoke clearly. 

“Oh, so you want to hang out with a guy that now hangs around with Tommy and Carol?” Steve said, slamming his locker closed, “The two people, and let me know if I got this right ‘made your life a living hell’.”

Y/N gritted her teeth, “That’s because they did, Steve. And you did nothing about it.”

Steve’s face fell as the two stared at each other in silence for a brief moment. Y/N was seething with anger while Steve looked down at her, a hint of a regretful look on his face. 

Shaking her head, Y/N clutched her books tighter to her chest as she turned away from Steve without another word, walking silently down the hall. 

***

As Y/N was walking up her drive, she missed her footing and tripped, causing her books to scatter across the drive. Groaning, she bent down to pick them up, wanting nothing more than to change into pyjamas and lay in her bed until the next morning.

After all of her books were back in her arms, Y/N heard the sound of a bicycle coming up the drive to her right. She hadn’t introduced herself to her neighbours yet but she thought that doing it while she was still angry after her conversation with Steve, she decided it wasn’t a good idea. Y/N was nearly at her front door when she heard a gasp then the sound of the bicycle clatter to the ground. 

Turning around she was greeted by the face of a familiar boy, he had grown up a lot since she had seen him last but she would recognise him anywhere. 

“Dustin Henderson?” Y/N asked, walking closer to the boy.

“Y/N, it's me!” The boy yelled excitedly, rushing over to the girl, wrapping his arms around her, “You’re back!”

“I’m back!” Y/N said, embracing the younger boy. 

“When did you get back?” Dustin asked, “And you live next to me! That’s so cool.”

“I got back yesterday.” Y/N answered.

“I need to tell the others,” Dustin says, grinning from ear to ear, “They’ll all be excited to see you.”

“I’m sure not as excited as you are.” Y/N teased the boy causing him to blush.

“Shut up.” Dustin says, swatting the girl's hand away as it reaches to ruffle his hair.

“I should probably head inside now and unpack everything,” Y/N says to the younger boy, “But I will see you tomorrow and we can catch up, okay? You can bring the others as well.”

“Okay!” Dustin said, excited for the following day, “I’ll see you tomorrow Y/N.”

Watching the boy walk back to his drive then disappear into his house, Y/N had a constant smile on her face. Before she moved away, Y/N always had a soft spot for the Henderson boy. Due to her being close friends with Nancy, Y/N was constantly at the Wheelers so she would see the party nearly everyday. She even went as far to dress up for some of the campaigns along with Nancy. It was safe to say that Dustin Henderson was the little brother she never had. 

Turning back to her house, Y/N walked the short distance back up the drive before entering, feeling a bit happier than she did when she first arrived. 

Taglist:

@bigboycelery @bubsonnobx @okayeokayeokaye @officerrfriendlyy @kbakery @whitemanshoe19 @harringt8ns @slvtherinseeker @chaotic-fae-queen @golddustwitches @yourbabestargirl @yaskna @star-flecked-soul @ofherscarlettwitchways @poppyfaulknerxx @bella-abasicblog​

Series Taglist:

@coreysam76 @agustdeeyaa @mulitmia  @nnzhuo​

- strike through could not be tagged -

[parchmentedpetrichor]

➳who cursed the bludger? ♡

in which the reader's dominant hand is injured badly after a rogue bludger slams into it and none other than fred weasley is behind it. who cursed the bludger?

fred weasley x fem!reader

word count: ± 2k

tw: serious injury, a little bit of swearing

drop a follow if you wanna see more of this content!!

my masterlist:D

ft. penny clearwater

who cursed the bludger?

y/n was currently draped lazily over her broomstick, haven given up trying to teach penelope clearwater how to fly. said prefect was on the grass, smirking as y/n embarrassedly looked around.

"penny that's not ok to ask!"

"fine, fine," she pondered for a moment, "hey, what's up with you and fred weasley, huh?"

"nothing at all," y/n answered a little too quick for penny's liking.

"c'mon, y/n, you're younger than me, i should know all that happens. you two are very...flirty."

"yeah well, my dear pennysylvania, we have flirty personalities. duh."

"no, you don't."

"okay, i don't. he does."

"but he seems like he means it."

"of course he means it? he says it in a joking way? y'know, he means it as a joke."

"hmm, nope, i don't think so, y/n. he's looking your way right now."

"i'm probably blocking the space, let's move outta the way."

"you're not gonna play with them?"

"already play in matches, why now? let's chat."

fred was silently eavesdropping on their conversation as he heard his name.

"sooo you and perceeee??" y/n dragged out, grinning as she did loop-do-loops with her broomstick.

penny blushed, but looked disappointed, "he likes oliver."

"oh. well, f percy, what about marcus??"

"he's just marcus. we're best friends, y/n."

"my fav trope of romance is best friends to lovers," y/n wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and penny shook her head in amusement.

"my one is the opposites attract."

"hmm yeah, that's a good one too, it's really cute! say, aren't you and mar-"

"i was meaning you!"

"huh?"

"you and fred."

fred smirked as he listened, flicking back the bludger harshly at angelina.

"oh yes because we are totally meant for each other," y/n sarcastically replied.

"what's that supposed to mean?"

"yes."

"you're doing this on purpose!"

"hmm? what?"

"oh my goodness, merlin you're stupid bro!" penny said exasperatedly.

"and you just realised. congrats, penny."

"anyway, what i'm saying is you and fred are rather like opposites. although he's extroverted and you're extroverted, you're a cute little nerd," y/n huffed at this 'i am n o t a nerd for the last time!' "and he's a class clown in the most charming way. you like reading and he likes pranking people and quidditch. you're a goody two shoes, an adorable one, but he's this foolish jock," penny looked proud with her argument so y/n laughed, "you're modest and he's very confident. and you're both hot."

y/n smiled, "i am not hot!" she giggled, "that's stupid."

"oi, ange!" penny called to angelina who looked over at her in amusement.

"yeah?"

"is y/n hot?"

"oh, totally!" angelina casually threw the quaffle into the hoop, "10/10."

"guyyys you flatTer me," y/n stretched out as the three of them laughed, "i'm bLushIng."

"you actually are," angie quipped.

"it's a command thing. if she wants to blush, she'll blush," replied penny.

they burst into giggles again.

fred watched y/n. a rosy pink, sure enough, had spread across her cheeks. that was enough to get her blushing?

"oi, l/n!"

y/n's head snapped his way, her eyes narrowed as if expecting an insult being thrown her way.

"your lips are pretty!"

her form relaxed, "thanks! yours are too!!"

penny giggled as angie rolled around laughing.

"what?" y/n looked around.

"the way you return flirting is hilarious."

"a compliment for a compliment, isn't that what they say?"

angelina snorted, "no one says that."

"oh well i say it, so deal with it."

"hey, i have an idea!" penny brightened up.

"let's hear it!"

"let's teach y/n pick up lines, ange!"

"oh you're a genius, penny!"

"okay, so-"

a bludger came whizzing at y/n as she screamed, trying frantically to dodge it. it hit her hand and a crack was heard.

luckily she immediately hopped off calmly, taking out her wand shakily and stunning the bludger, before penny and angie helped her over to the hospital ward, fred lagging guiltily behind.

she was ordered to stay in bed rest and with drowsy eyes she drifted off.

fred watched her feeling so terrible as he saw her heavily bandaged hand, imagining how he was going to tell her that he was in fact the one that had charmed it.

the next day, she was out and about, gently cradling her hand which was broken.

"um, hey, y/n," he nervously approached her.

"oh, hello!"

"i might have jinxed the bludger to go wild," he confessed abruptly, "i'm really sorry i didn't mean to-"

"no, it's fine, really." she gave him a reassuring smile and walked off.

he noticed that she couldn't write in class. usually she was scribbling away, but she just sat awkwardly at her desk, trying frantically to get anything legible down with her non-dominant hand. the fact she was so courteous and forgiving about everything just made it worse.

by now, y/n was dying inside. she couldn't write notes, and even though she wanted to ask any willing person for a duplicate of their notes, she'd have to explain the whole broken hand thing.

"ange?"

"yep?"

"do you have history of magic notes?" y/n did puppy eyes.

"nope, you forgot i dropped out."

"oh."

"do you want mine?" fred asked, smirking as he looked y/n up and down.

"you take notes?!!!" y/n was shook.

"only for you, 'cause i felt bad."

"you didn't need to!"

"i did. you want them?"

"yes please, thank you so much, you're a lifesaver!!"

"you're acting like you're not the one the bludger hit," angie quipped and y/n frowned, completely forgetting fred was still there, browsing the notes.

"c'mon, it was just an accident. and i've always wanted to be ambidextrous."

"lovely, you were struggling. i'll take all your notes. my handwriting isn't neat but i owe you."

y/n ducked to hide the light blush she could not control at all.

immediately she got a confused look from fred.

and instantly she thought of something that might make the blush go away. he didn't mean it, it slipped out, she thought and she felt her face cooling down, a slight frown appearing on her face.

"o-okay, thanks fred."

"no problems, darling," he flirted.

"that's good, darling," she flirted graciously back, bravely tilting her head up and looking him in the eye.

he took it well.

"where did you learn how to flirt so well, my little love??"

"why, freddie," she joked flirtatiously, "from you of course!"

he coughed and excused himself.

"he should really be careful with who he's flirting mindlessly with," y/n rolled her eyes.

angelina laughed, "flirting mindlessly? do you see the way he looks at you?"

"personality," y/n stated simply.

"or not."

true to his word, notes in fred's flurry of handwriting appeared neatly stacked every day. they were far too thorough and consisted of stupid flirty notes by the side. sometimes a little note, written in class, was jammed in there probably by accident:

hello freddie!

i have a crush on you 0-o, hogsmeade at 7pm on sunday?

-jamie <3, boy who sits in front of you in arithmancy

jamie,

i already have my eye on someone :) not you, sorry, y/n cringed at the bluntness of his words

you are very nice, perhaps try trera rivera if you swing that way? or illinois ann if you swing all ways?

oh i'm so sorry, i didn't know that! i'll talk to both. was the gracious answer

-jamie

and again! the lucky boy! this time from a girl.

weasley-

i know we hate each other but give me a chance to explain myself? broom closet at 9 tomorrow ? it trailed off to something that y/n didn't even want to think about.

k.o

fuck off. i don't fucking like you, i like someone else, ffs.

was the reply as y/n laughed and made sure to give the note back to fred.

it wasn't everyday someone confessed to you, right?

she underlined all the words that simply weren't legible to ask fred about.

and aNOTHER ONE?? how did this boy have so many admirers? y/n had received 0 love letters from any boy, let alone people of the same gender. you knew you were good with the ladies (and the gentlemen) when everyone sent you these letters.

dearest frederick-

it droned quite sweetly on about him and loving him and the writing was really magnificent.

margaret perrer

hi marg

i'm really really sorry. you seem like such a nice person, and it's not you, it's me. i, however, have a friend who really adores you: kenneth. he'll be an amazing friend and maybe more.

i also already am interested in another girl, so it really isn't you. thank you for your beautiful letter, hopefully we can be friends!

fred

oh he was very nice. feeling like she had overstepped the boundaries, she put them aside, discovering more and more but putting them all in a stack. she felt slightly insecure, especially when they all looked relatively neW?? the perfume on the flowers still smelled fresh?? who was this guy?

she sighed, finishing her read through and being thoroughly impressed with the sheer quality of the notes.

but there were around 100 words she had underlined. she skipped down into the great hall where she spotted two gingers. as soon as one (she couldn't see which one) saw her, he got up, whispered to the other something, and left.

when she approached the one that was left behind, she saw it was george.

"hi georgie!" she greeted him and thrust the papers into his hand, "where's fred?"

george shrugs, "left, for a date or something."

"oh, okay, could you translate these for me, the underlined words?" if y/n was disappointed, she didn't show it.

"oh yeah, sure, his handwriting's rubbish, isn't it."

"yes it is, i can barely read half of it."

george finished scribbling words next to the underlined ones.

"oh! and give these back to him? i'm pretty sure he dropped them in, probably got mixed up." she gave him the pile of letters, now neatly bundled in rope she had found.

"oh, yeah sure," george smirked, "of course."

"nice, well that's it, thanks for the help!"

"anything else?"

"tell fred good luck."

"right, right, mhm."

"yea."

once she'd left, george took out his walkie talkie.

"got that, freddie?"

"crystal clear."

"you're pining, pffft, hahahahah," george smirked as fred sighed.

"it didn't even work?"

"which plan?"

"the one to drop the letters in."

"i'm pretty sure she read like two, she didn't seem that disappointed?"

"exactly."

"you're an idiot. just tell her."

"but that's boringggg."

"well drop the hints then, merlin fred you're terrible at this."

"i haven't dated a billion girls like you!"

"then learn how to date my goodness."

"true."

"come fucking back."

"hickies or no?"

"eh go for it. i wanna see her reaction and then we can decide whether she likes you or not."

fred strided handsomely in, neck littered with little hickies and his top had two buttons open, freckles and pale broad shoulders showing.

george rolled his eyes, muttering, "drama queen," as he subtlely watched y/n. she managed not to look so surprised, her eyes widening then looking down quickly at her hands.

he would have thought she felt nothing for his twin if a light pink had not dusted over her face and if angie had not nudged her with a concerned look on her face.

y/n was wondering what the hell happened, disappointment rising slowly in her.

"okay, she's into you," george whispered as fred began removing the spell, leaving the unbuttoned shirt unbuttoned.

"cool beans."

"oh and she gives these back," george smirked.

"oh look at how she bundled it! so adorable georgie!"

"you're disgusting."

y/n hurried to the library at 6pm. she had heard the book she had waited for was finally available.

as she settled down with it, a paper aeroplane hit her.

"ahh!" she screamed as she caught it.

it read:

forbidden forest, 8pm.

huh? was this meant for her? it was in neat handwriting and on the smoothest parchment, with a single flower that smelt like fresh rain.

[enamouredfae]

♡ Pick a Card ♡

Advice from your Spirit Guides!

This reading is for entertainment purposes only.

This is a timeless reading for the collective, therefore it is likely that some messages will not resonate with you. Please only take the messages that do! The messages that do not, are meant for somebody else. Remember that the future is never set in stone and that you possess free will! Love you! ♡

Pile 1

Charm: Shell

You may see shells as signs from the universe. You may have Venusian placements. You have a tough exterior, but once you finally open up to people you are a hidden gem! You are a person that values privacy.

Flower: Carnation

The meaning of carnation changes depending on its colour, since this one is a stripped purple carnation, it symbolizes rejection/refusal and capriciousness. It being a dry bud, for me at least, symbolizes that this is a small issue that isn't likely to grow! You might've been refused a caprice recently, or you may have too high expectations that are likely not going to be fulfilled.

Significator: Page of Cups

Self-sufficient is the word I thought of when I saw this card. I think that at the moment you are really starting to work through your emotions, you might be finally doing some introspection, journaling, talking to people, seeing a therapist, etc. You are beginning a journey of emotional growth. You might also be receiving a message soon, be aware of any symbols that matter to you or ask the universe for certain symbols for guidance.

Astro: Virgo and Capricorn

There is a high chance that you have Virgo or Capricorn placements. You may be earth dominant. You may be Mercury/Saturn dominant/ruled. This could also apply to the person you need advice on if that is the case.

I thought of soil when I saw these cards, not a plant, but very well-nourished soil. It seems like you are making a foundation for yourself that is not rooted in anyone else, it simply comes from you. You are the soil, the water, the nutrients, and your future self is the plant. Flower crowns may be significant to you as well, or you may find great healing by connecting with nature and connecting to nature's cycles.

What you need advice on:

VI of Wands and X of Pentacles (reversed)

There are a few possibilities I see here. You may be having a hard time getting your accomplishments noticed by others, you might not receive the praise you desire or feel you deserve. Another possibility is that you may have a hard time feeling successful due to your financial situation. You may have received a large sum of money that should make you happy, but it doesn't. You may be very well off financially, but it is causing some hardships, and others might not understand these hardships because they think that they'd be very happy in your position.

Advice:

King of Pentacles and XVIII. The Moon

I feel like at least one of you should monetize your intuition. Some of you have or will meet a person (very likely an earth placement), that is either a business partner or a lover/friend, that will somehow help you with your financial issue. They might recommend you to someone for example. Perhaps if you confide in the King of Pentacles, they'll help you immensely, they're someone you can rely on, if not financially, emotionally. Others should embody the King of Pentacles, be determined, stick to a routine. For others, someone could be hiding smth from you that would help you immensely with this issue. Listen to your intuition! Do not forget that your anxieties and fears are valid, and it is normal to be feeling like this! Your worth is not defined by your financial success!

38. Willow and 5. Cerato and Honeysuckle

Willow talks about self-responsibility: make a plan, stick to it and, most importantly, try to stop complaining. You have the strength to get through this, complaining just engrains it in your head that you have a problem making it harder to get out of that mindset, instead try working on the solution. Cerato talks about the fact that no matter how many people you ask, no matter how many books you read, your gut knows best! Trust yourself and your intuition. Whatever feels right, is! Just know that domestic happiness is very important right now, cherish whoever that may be (King of Pentacles perhaps), be it your cat or even yourself if you live alone, give and accept affection! This could be a message for a specific person but I feel called to note that as I was shuffling the oracles I started singing "Runaway" by Aurora. Perhaps the lyrics are meaningful to one of you, or it can reassure you that this pile is meant for you if this is your favorite song.

Pile 2

Charm: Cactus

You may see cacti as signs from the universe or have a very strong emotional attachment to them due to a certain memory. I feel like a lot of people are attracted to you, but they feel that you will reject or hurt them if they get too close. Or you consciously or subconsciously hurt people when they get too close. You might think you don't deserve love, which is NOT TRUE. Love isn't something that has to be deserved! But if it were, you most certainly deserve it!

Flower: Freesia

Yellow freesias symbolize joy, renewal, and friendship. It is the go-to flower to convey to someone that you trust them. You are incredibly trustworthy, someone to whom your loved ones come for advice. You are a great listener, are very delicate and tactful in your interactions with others.

Significator: IX. The Hermit

You are doing a lot of self-reflection right now, sometimes the pondering even turns into daydreams. You may also be connecting with and thinking about your spiritual/religious beliefs. You are looking to understand the light that illuminates your path. You may have started meditating, or you should start! Spiritual awakening is happening or coming soon! You could be isolating yourself at the moment as well.

Astro: Jupiter and Libra

There is a high chance that you have Libra or Sagittarius placements. You may be air dominant. You may be Jupiter/Venus dominant/ruled. This could also apply to the person you need advice on if that is the case.

The words that I kept thinking about at this point in the reading were "letting karma do its job" and "visions of the future". You may be clairvoyant! But most of you act a lot like the Justice tarot card, you like balance and fairness, and have a life philosophy based on these ideas. Your higher education might've played a big role in this.

What you need advice on:

II of Cups (reversed) and Queen of Swords

Someone may be rationalizing or overthinking a perceived imbalance in a relationship. Of course, the Queen of Swords, likely an air placement, is intelligent, they may be right in their thinking but because of the advice received, I believe their judgment is clouded by insecurity. They may feel unworthy of what they receive, seeing that you chose the cactus charm and have libra as an astro card, it is very likely that this is you but this may be your person as well, both options are possible.

Advice:

King of Cups and IV of Swords (reversed)

See, the King of Cups is upright, this person, very likely a water placement, is very emotionally mature, compassionate, and understanding. Whereas the swords person is exhausted and stagnant due to the deep contemplation happening. I feel they may also be insecure, causing the overthinking. If this is you, trust me, you deserve the King of Cups! If this is your person, make them realize that they deserve you! They need a lot of reassurance.

1. Agrimony and 7. Chestnut Bud and Morning Glory

Love, whether romantic or platonic, requires hard work, determination, and affection. Agrimony talks about a person that needs balance, both inside and outside. You may find it by showing more of yourself, especially by starting with your loved ones. Because you might not be used to it, start little by little, and observe how accepting those you love can be. Chestnut Bud talks about focus and learning from experience. For me, it's another confirmation that someone is overthinking, see the girl looking very melancholic, whereas their counterpart is goofing around. Don't take life too seriously! Have fun with your loved one!

Pile 3

Charm: Leaf

You might see certain trees or leaves as signs from the universe. When I picked up this charm I immediately thought "Leave!" So if you were thinking about a voyage, there's your sign, just be mindful of covid regulations, please. The idea of falling also popped up, so you might be falling for someone rn or feeling like you're in a perpetual fall emotionally.

Flower: Orchid

I would just like to point out that, although this orchid dried white, it was actually a baby purple orchid when alive. I will therefore explain both colors: purple orchids represent royalty, admiration, and respect, whereas white ones symbolize purity and innocence. But they are, no matter what color, always a symbol of luxury, delicate beauty, and virility.

Significator: 0. The Fool

You may be starting smth new with confidence, smth you haven't done before, making you a bit inexperienced, but still willing to take the leap of faith. OR you may be acting foolishly by looking back or the opposite way of the thing you'd do with confidence. Let me explain, as you can see the Astro cards are both looking in one direction, with determination, and confidence. Whereas The Fool is looking the opposite way. Your significator may be saying that you're being foolish to look the other way, wondering what-ifs.

Astro: Sagittarius and Mars

There is a high chance that you have Sagittarius, Aries, or Scorpio placements. You may be fire dominant. You may be Jupiter/Mars dominant/ruled. This could also apply to the person you need advice on if that is the case.

You have a clear goal that you can easily reach through your actions. Look at Mars' demeanor, he knows Sagittarius is hitting the target. Do not doubt yourself, there's nothing to worry about. Stay focused!

What you need advice on:

XI. Justice (reversed) and Queen of Cups

Clearly, there is a decision to be made here, and you really want to listen to your heart. And you're questioning whether you should? I just want to reassure you, the Queen of Cups is highly in tune with their intuition and their emotions, you should trust yourself.

Advice:

X of Swords (reversed) and II of Pentacles

You are clearly in pain, whether or not it is talking about this decision that is eating you up. Healing and recovery are important right now! It's time to stop resisting an inevitable end, and start recovering. Look, the reversal allows for the swords to just fall out of your back, just look inwards! Don't forget to balance work with fun, you deserve to relax! Another way to see this is that you are restricting yourself by seeing this as a choice, why not do both? Although, if we are talking about people here, there better be a mutual agreement on polygamy! I will not invite you to cheat! If we are talking about activities, you are capable of doing both if it's too hard to choose, you just need to figure out how to balance them. A specific message is that some of you want to go back to doing smth you've dreamt of doing as a child, if that is the case, pls do it, at least as a hobby!

13. Gorse and 32. Vine and Trumpet Gentian

There is a need to heal some inner wounds. I immediately thought of inner child work when I saw the Trumpet Gentian in combination with the Vine. Vine talks about acts of service and leadership skills, try parenting yourself/your inner child, give yourself the love that you may have lacked as a kid. You are worthy of it! Gorse is all about perspective and imagination. Do a brainstorming of possible outcomes depending on the decision you take, you can do this alone, but the input of loved ones that can be honest with you would do wonders. Don't forget your future can go in many different ways, and whichever decision you take is the right one!

Pile 4

Charm: Angel

You may see angels or angel numbers as signs from the universe. You are a person that is divinely guided and divinely protected. It seems to me like you have a very strong intuition or are very aware of your divine gifts.

Flower: Rose

Of course, roses are always symbolic of love. Therefore I believe it is more note-worthy here to talk about the size. This is a tiny rose. Just like the carnation bud, it did not have time to grow and is now immortalized in its youth stage. You may be inexperienced in love, or hold naive beliefs about it. You might be experiencing youthful romance right now.

Significator: XV. The Devil

What I find interesting here is that you got the angel charm with the devil significator. This is very conflicting energy. The sentence that I kept thinking throughout the reading is "wolf in sheep clothing" or "sheep in wolf's clothing", I kept mixing up the words, just very contradictory energy. The way you present yourself to the world is very different from how you truly are. You might also be a person prone to obsessing over people, things, interests, etc. I also would like to note here that this pile was the hardest to get the cards, the amount of shuffling I did here until the cards flew made me sweat hahaha. It's also a very confusing reading. Therefore, I believe you carry a lot of confusion yourself, although your intuition is incredibly powerful, you might suffer from being very paranoid, and sometimes being unable to differentiate your intuition from your delusions. I also think you're very secretive, you do not want people to know or understand you.

Astro: Neptune and Moon

There is a high chance that you have Pisces or Cancer placements. You may be water dominant. You may be Neptune/Moon dominant/ruled. You could have a Neptune/Moon aspect. This could also apply to the person you need advice on if that is the case.

"This is a time of great psychic sensitivity for you. Trust your intuition and follow its guidance." You should try to differentiate emotions from intuition, I know it's hard, but they are different things, and it's very important to tell them apart! Your dreams may hold messages, try having a dream journal and interpreting them if you don't do that already.

What you need advice on:

IX of Wands (reversed) and V of Swords (reversed)

As you can see ALL of the tarot cards I've received in this reading are reversed, implying inner conflicts that require inner change/work. You might've said/done smth you now regret, and you hate yourself for it, you may also be incredibly paranoid that others will find out. You want the paranoia to end. You want to make amends, to reconciliate/atone, but are unsure on whether you should do it. Perhaps you don't feel emotionally prepared to reopen that wound.

Advice:

V. The Hierophant (reversed) and VII of Wands (reversed)

What I noticed here is that The Hierophant mirrors The Devil, not as perfectly as The Lovers, but it is incredibly similar. Once again that energy of opposition, contradiction, and confusion appears, "the wolf in sheep's clothing". For some, my fixation on this phrase could be a warning. For others an invitation to look in the mirror... Try looking at the situation from the other person's point of view! I'm not saying you are a "wolf in sheep's clothing", but that might be how you're being perceived. You are exhausted, remorse is eating up all of your energy. The Hierophant is saying that you should stay true to your personal beliefs, so if you believe apologizing is necessary to move on, do it!

This could be unrelated and for a specific person, but don't be afraid of challenging the status quo! If it hurts none, do as you will, embody your true self! I just want to remind you that going against your loved one's idea of "normalcy" is not hurting them, it's loving yourself. But remember that you also don't owe anyone a "coming out", you are valid whether or not you tell people! Do whatever your heart tells you and please be safe!

!!! : Of course, this doesn't count if what's challenging the status quo doesn't respect others' identity/ sexuality/ ethnicity/ religion/ etc. If challenging the status quo comes from a place of hate please block me. Nobody is using this reading as a sign to do some fucked up shit.

3. Beech and 2. Aspen and Lily

When I saw Beech I immediately thought "talk to someone, or you could spiral." Beech talks about self-acceptance and self-compassion. You must first accept yourself as you are, an imperfect human being, like all humans, before starting to work on embodying your highest self. Stay open-minded! Aspen, on the other hand, invites you to connect with others, not only for advice or consoling but for quality time! I have a feeling that you have very high morals, but having them isn't enough, you must act accordingly!

Thank you for reading! Love you all.♡

You can buy me a coffee if you feel called to do so! This is never necessary, but always appreciated! ♡

[kellinrk800]

toko fukawa comphet no i don’t take criticism

nobody will even see this because my account just. doesnt get traction but here have a ramble abt toko’s backstory and how much i firmly believe her attraction was comphet.

spoilers for thh, sdr2 and udg

tw// ab/se, n/glect, severe bullying

toko was severely neglected and unwanted when she was a child. she grew up with two mothers and one father due to both sleeping with the same man and neither wanting their child which caused her to be mistreated. once she was locked in a closet and forced to stay there for three days without food. clearly, she grew up in a household completely devoid of healthy love. genocide jack’s development was likely a response to cope with the traumatic experiences.

her time in elementary was no different. in third grade, she was used as a scapegoat for stolen money and her classmates tied her to the jungle gym with a garden hose as punishment.

her first real “love” was with a boy who she had been friends with since elementary but when she finally confessed through a letter, she found it pinned to the bulletin board to mock her. this was genocide jack’s first kill, leading me to believe that her murders were actually a form of protection.

on one occasion (and most likely more considering her difficult relationship with understanding rejection) she was ghosted halfway through on a date after spending three days and nights planning it so that she would not mess it up. she later found out that the boy only asked her out because he lost a bet.

the most likely only healthy representation of love she ever has was through media, which is arguably extremely heteronormativity and the actual healthiness of how relationships are presented in media is debatable.

she internalised all of these things happening to her and believed she deserved them somehow, building her inferiority complex. she began to assume that people only expected bad of her and self victimises herself almost on instinct despite her nature to express opinions without care for others most of the time. her self esteem is extremely low and she often worries about being considered an “old hag” in ultra despair girls.

toko fell in love with the idea of love, not an actual person. at some point she turned to novels and writing as a way to express her emotions and she used that passion to create works of art through her novels and created a toxic idolisation of the perfect relationship with nothing but media, her family’s relationships and her past experiences to go off.

she began to let herself get hurt and internalise it which ended up building her inferiority complex even further to the point of becoming unhealthily infatuated with anyone she saw fit as a stand in for the dreamy perfect people that made her books succeed.

time and time again genocide jack and toko were mistreated in their relationships, causing their system to suffer greatly. jack began to kill anyone toko saw fit as a perfect romantic interest to protect them both, but this most likely caused her own mental health to decline as well, leading to the aggressive, startling and manic personality we saw in the games.

toko began to both idolise and fear falling in love. while she knew they would most likely be killed and she would have to cope with knowing that the police could come knocking any day if they put the pieces together, she also still purposed her life around being in a perfect relationship because it was now causing her to gain traction through her novels.

this only furthered her unhealthy infatuation with relationships. she became determined to find a man who fit her description of the perfect man and would not mislead, use, mock or hurt toko in hopes that he would not be killed and she would finally achieve her dream.

enter byakuya togami. blonde, blue eyed, rich, cold and most importantly, entirely unattainable. he was an ideal stand in, especially considering the circumstances of the killing game (jack’s unique killing style would immediately be found out). she was able to fantasise from afar without ever really getting as severely hurt as she had in the past because he simply did not care to provide her his attention.

jack had two options. kill byakuya and get executed, or suck it up. clearly you can tell which option she chose. in addition, she had all of her memories from prior to the game which most likely slightly numbed her thirst for blood. by the end of ultra despair girls, she has grown a respect for toko, a softness for komaru and even calmed jack down to the point where it’s suggested that she no longer uses her skills to murder but instead fight despair.

in fact, near the end, toko is acutely aware of what is happening despite the fact jack was fronting (they don’t usually share memories, only emotions), suggesting they may have slightly integrated but i don’t really want to make assumptions considering i do not have did and am not educated enough to speak confidently about did.

ironically, the killing game was actually good for both of their mental health’s. i’ll only be talking about toko but in ultra despair girls she was emotionally stronger and more mature. she believed she finally had a purpose other than romance and that she could fight against all odds. she even credits makoto for her newfound courage. she criticises cowards and those that remind her of her past self. she is willing to challenge her fears.

komaru had an amazingly powerful and positive effect on them both. her softness, optimism and empathy help toko’s character develop even further. when komaru tries to give in to despair, toko encourages her to face her fears. toko, who was before extremely afraid and uncomfortable with being touched, is now willing to comfort and even hug komaru. she claims she’s finally found a true friend (that’s actually human, can’t forget kameko the stinkbug) and that she found hope in her.

komaru admires toko and doesnt really mind her split personality, instead just considering it “a bit strange”, which is a noticeable difference from how she was treated by everyone else for it. toko is protective of komaru during chapter two due to her suspicion of shirokuma. later, they even sleep in the same bed.

however, when toko risks komaru’s life for byakuya, they get into an argument in which toko accuses komaru of manipulating her with terms such as “friends”, which leads to komaru showing that she really does trust her.

later, this arguably resolved after servant forces jack and toko to fight against komaru for byakuya. they fight back against servant and komaru forgives her because they are friends, which makes toko extremely happy, so much that she blushed and admits she has never had a real friend before. she thanks komaru genuinely for the first time and they try to become real friends.

toko swears she will help komaru with anything she can’t do by herself, just like komaru would do for her.

toko even stays by her side to the point of rejecting the opportunity of going to future foundation to stay with komaru :)

in the end of danganronpa goodbye despair, which is set after ultra despair girls, kyoko reminds byakuya that someone is waiting for him and he jokes that she shouldn’t remind him of “something so horrifying”. and honestly i think the fact he was able to joke about it shows that perhaps toko and byakuya found a somewhat healthy relationship as friends, acquaintances, or even just bearing eachother’s presence.

a notable addition that didn’t really fit anywhere else is toko’s scrapped execution. “first kiss prank” is the title and it consists of byakuya running towards her before toko gets hit by a roller. that says enough about her biggest fears and how badly her past memories affected her.

in conclusion, toko fukawa’s obsession with byakuya was comphet due to pressure from the media and her toxic ideals. the fact she was able to form a healthy relationship with komaru is hhh and i could talk about them for hours. tokomaru is the second closest thing we have to inmedia stated canon (fuck kodaka’s statement me and the homies hate kodaka’s statement about naegiri /j)

sources: toko fukawa’s fandom wiki, genocide jack’s fandom wiki, free time events, transcripts