#they’re like ‘just send someone a message or something’ like no i would die wtf

[napping-sapphic]

Telling people i’m too shy to start talking to people and dating only for them to tell me to just meet people online like bestie i’m shy online too😭😭

[kokawrites]

Stars in the Sky (That Already Died)

Stars in the Sky (That Already Died) pt. 1

⤏ Pairing: Jungkook x Female!Reader

⤏ Genres: action, fantasy!au, angst, fluff.

⤏ Summary: the day the stars fell, one of them crash landed in front of your apartment. his name was Jungkook, and he was tasked with something much larger than your feeble human mind could ever comprehend. but he saved your life, and you were determined to spend the rest of it by his side.

⤏ Word count: 3,763

⤏ Notes and content warnings: lots of world building and original themes, monsters but not in the traditional sense, apocalyptic events, fighter jungkook, you have anxiety, minor wounds and depictions of violence

pls pls pls make sure to read the notes in this chapter and all future ones, as new arcs will come with new warnings (the main ones having to do with violence, panic attacks/anxiety, referenced character death, and smut) i will of course warn you guys in the actual chapters so you can decide if you'd be more comfortable just skipping the sections, or just not reading at all.

happy reading!! dm or reply if you'd like to be added to the taglist. <3

Previous Chapter | Chapter list | Next Chapter

AO3

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CHAPTER 1: Cygnus

Something heavy weighed in your heart when you woke up that day.

When you opened your blinds, the sky was painted a deep amber, nothing too unusual. LA, and SoCal in general, was infamous for its wildfires and air pollution, so you just sighed and turned on your air filter, trying to ignore the small voice in the back of your mind as you continued with your morning routine.

Hours passed and you even finished a few errands without anything happening, but that stupid feeling only grew stronger, gnawing at your insides. You thought about calling a friend to talk you through it, but decided that you would try everything in your power first before bothering anyone else.

You were placing a mug of water in the microwave to make tea when your phone wailed an ungodly siren, making you jolt and curse as you spilled a bit on the counter. But it still wasn’t until you saw the emergency notification that panic spiked in your chest.

Emergency Alert

AERONAUTICAL THREAT INBOUND. FIND SHELTER IMMEDIATELY AND REMAIN INSIDE. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. STAY ALERT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

You struggled to keep your hands steady as you opened your messages, a few texts from your friends already filtering in. Thoughts racing, your eyes scanned over their messages.

Ryujin

is everyone ok??

Lisa

everyone saw that alert right?

send updates on location. im at home

[Name]

in my apt

wtf does aeronautical threat mean

Jin

at work but at least i’m inside. they’re putting the building on lockdown

Ryujin

at my apt too. ik they said stay inside but i’m a 10 min walk from [Name] should i head over?

[Name]

a lot can happen in 10 min, just stay where you are. everyone keep ur devices charged and stay away from windows. love u guys.

Just as you pressed send, a loud boom shook your entire apartment, making you lose your footing. Your hand darted out to grab hold of the kitchen counter to steady yourself. The orange glow from the sky outside seemed to flicker for a few moments before completely disappearing, darkness flooding your apartment and blinding you. More booms echoed outside, but they sounded much further away than the first; you counted at least ten over the span of a few minutes. By now your legs had completely given out, your eyes squeezed shut and your back pressed against your stove, hand still gripping onto the counter for dear life.

For a few moments after the last explosion, all you could hear was the roar of your heartbeat and your erratic breathing. The possibility that this could be your end suddenly started to sink in, and your thoughts were surprisingly bland to be your last. All you could think was please, I don’t want to die. Please, please. You begged to someone you didn’t even know was listening, your thoughts projected out into the universe only to get lumped in with everyone else’s. There was no slideshow of your life like there was in the movies, no strange feeling of calm as you acknowledged your impending doom, because you refused to believe that this was it. You still had so much to do, so many people to meet, so many places to go–no matter how you looked at it, you weren’t ready. And obviously you knew that you couldn’t control that, so you hoped your pleading would reach the person who could.

The shriek that pierced the dark silence at that moment could be described as nothing other than bone-chilling, terror prickling at your skin and gnawing at the pit of your stomach. It sounded close by, but you had no real idea of knowing where it came from. A horrifying feeling crawled up the base of your spine and raised the hairs on the back of your neck, and your mouth went dry. You couldn’t explain it, but you just knew. Whatever was out there was coming for you next.

Ringing filled your ears as you tilted your head to peer out the window above you, terrified of what you would see. You couldn’t see much other than a faint white glow, one that you probably would’ve called ethereal under any other circumstance. You couldn’t find the willpower to avert your gaze, your eyes stuck on the window as the glow spread, spilling into your kitchen, illuminating you and your surroundings like a soft spotlight.

As the light beamed over you, a creature climbed in, strangely angelic with its long, platinum blonde hair, and skin so pale it was almost translucent. But then you saw its eyes, obsidian voids full of nothing except pure, concentrated evil, and you knew this was not an angel. You felt like you were trapped in your own body, unable to move or scream, like you were dreaming. Oh, if only this were just a nightmare.

The figure smiled, its mouth stained crimson with what you could only assume was blood, its teeth reminiscent of stalactites in a musty cave. You didn’t dare movc, breathe, or even blink. You barely even thought, but one word persisted: please.

It let out a terrible screech as it lunged for you, and you closed your eyes, bringing your arms up to shield your face. Pain erupted where its sharp claws grazed your skin, heat rushing to your wounds as blood oozed out of them. You managed to kick it off for a brief moment, and scrambled backwards to put distance between the two of you. It looked unfazed–possibly even amused–and brushed itself off, tilting its head at you. The light around it was almost blinding now, your entire apartment fully lit, and you could barely look at it straight on. But you knew that the second you looked away, it was the end.

“Wh-What are y-y-you?” you whimpered, your mouth quivering. “Why are you d-doing th-this?”

The smile on its face grew and it dropped down to all fours. Its voice was unbearably hoarse as it spoke, like nails on a chalkboard, “We are the solution.”

Your head whipped towards your patio door as it shattered, a body crashing through it and landing in your living room. The man whipped his head up from his crouched position, your chest swelling with relief as your eyes met his. You blinked and he had crossed over to where the monster was, his armored fist connecting with its head and sending it flying backwards and colliding with the wall. The creature didn’t have any time to recover before the man was on him, throwing powerful strikes into its body. You could hear the wall thudding and bones cracking with each hit, and you couldn’t help but cover your ears and look away. You noticed the light in the building flickering and getting dimmer everytime the monster took a blow, and you shut your eyes for a moment, focusing on your breathing to combat the dizziness you felt.

When you opened them again, the room was dark. You blinked a few times to adjust to the lack of light, and slowly uncovered your ears. The sound of labored, rhythmic breathing came from your kitchen, but you didn’t want to look just yet.

“... is it gone?” you whispered.

“Yes,” the man said, his voice softer than you anticipated. “You can look now.”

And as soon as the words left his mouth, your eyes were welling with tears, a sob punching you in the gut and throwing you to the ground. All the fear that built up in your body over the past who knows how long, probably only a few minutes, was finally being released. You struggled to breathe through your wails, your forehead pressed to the ground and your knees huddled to your chest as you grasped at the carpet. You hadn’t heard him walk over to you, but the sudden warmth on your shoulder alerted you of his presence, and your fingers reached out to weakly hold his.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered. “You’re safe.”

~*~

You could only bring yourself to turn on the table lamp, warm light dimly illuminating the living room and nothing past it. You knew there were still remnants of the fight in the kitchen that you didn’t want to see, so that was as much of your apartment that you were willing to make visible.

The stranger quietly walked over to you, holding your first aid kit and a blanket. You started blankly at the wall in front of you as he draped the blanket over your lap and sat beside you.

“May I?” he asked, and you only furrowed your brow slightly, gaze unmoving. “Your arm.”

You nodded, and he gently took hold of your wrist, placing your hand in his lap. You barely felt the sting of the alcohol on your wounds, the shock numbing your senses. Before you knew it you were all cleaned and bandaged, silence hanging in the air between you and the heroic stranger.

Your tongue darted out to wet your lips and you felt how chapped they were. Without you even saying anything, the man got up and went to your kitchen, opening your fridge. You winced at the sudden beam of light, turning away to tuck your face in your shoulder.

He returned and you took the water wordlessly, almost wanting to smile when you realized he had opened the bottle for you. Whoever this guy was, he was a gentleman. If you had met under any other circumstances, you’d probably be planning to take him out to dinner. Among other places.

“Thank you,” you croaked out after taking a few sips. You finally looked over at him and took in his features, and he looked right back at you, unwavering. He was handsome, with round eyes and a piercing on his pretty lips, another one through his right eyebrow. You could see a few on each ear as well. Your heart clenched when you saw a fresh wound on his cheek, and you instinctively brought your hand up to cradle his jaw.

He turned ever so slightly just so your skin wouldn’t touch his, but it wasn’t a harsh movement. Your hand dropped back into your lap. “Of course,” he said. “That’s why I’m here.”

“What is?” you asked. “What the hell is the reason for any of what’s happened today?”

He blinked, glancing in the direction of your kitchen. “I don’t know if I can tell you that.”

“Well then… who are you?”

“... I don’t know if I can tell you that, either.” His eyes returned back to you, his expression apologetic.

Uneasiness grew in your chest, your heartbeat getting too strong to ignore. “What can you tell me?”

His brow furrowed and his lips parted slightly as he thought about his response. “That you are safe, because I’m here. And I’ll stay for as long as you need me.”

You felt a pang in your chest at his words, suspicion and guilt bubbling in your gut. “Why did you save me? Do you have to go save other people?”

He shook his head. “I was assigned a mission, and I carried it out. Until I receive my next one, I can do whatever I want.”

“And what you want is… to be here, taking care of me.” You searched his eyes for any sort of answers, knowing you would find none but wanting to find any information at this point.

The corners of his mouth tilted upwards into a soft smile. “Yes.”

Your phone buzzed on the coffee table in front of you, the sudden noise making you jump. You reached forward to grab it, seeing Ryujin’s name on the screen.

“Hello?”

“[Name], are you okay?” her voice was shaking, and you gripped the blanket on your lap.

“I’m fine, are you? Do you need me to come get you?”

“N-No, I… I just wanted to hear your voice. You weren’t responding in the group chat, so…”

You gnawed at your bottom lip, debating whether or not you should tell her what happened. If all of you managed to make it out of this, fingers crossed, you would find some way to tell them after the fact. “I honestly didn’t even notice, I’m sorry. I was so scared I couldn’t really do or think about anything.”

“Okay,” she said, her voice small. You could hear faint barking in the background, so you at least knew she was still at home. “Did you hear the explosions, too?”

“I did. There haven’t been any for a good amount of time, though, so I think the worst is over.”

You felt movement next to you and looked over at the man to see him staring uneasily at the floor in front of him. Something about his expression made you anxious, and he snapped out of it as if he could tell what you were thinking. “Hey, uh, I’ll text you, okay?”

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Love you,” you said, your jaw clenching. You hated leaving her hanging when she needed you, but you were going to get the answers you all deserved. “I promise I’ll text.”

His expression was calm when you looked at him again, a stark contrast to the emotion you saw on his face just a few seconds ago. You thought about the best way to approach this, the most logical and successful method to accomplish what you needed to do.

“My name is [Name],” you said. The look on his face didn’t change, but you only hoped he was going to listen to what you had to say. “Do you have a name?”

He blinked at you, his mouth parting slightly before closing again. His eyes darted around the room for a brief second before resting on your face again. “Yes.”

“Can you tell me what it is?”

His eyelashes fluttered as he inhaled, something unreadable in his eyes. “... Jungkook.” His voice was steadier than you thought it would be, given his body language. His jaw tensed and he exhaled through his nose. You let the weight of his confession sink in for a bit of time as you two sat in your dim, oddly serene living room, the only things audible being your breathing and the soft whistle of the wind as it flowed in through your shattered patio door. Something in the air shifted when he made the decision to introduce himself, and the anxiety felt like a dagger was stuck in your throat. But you swallowed it down, and focused on what–who was right in front of you. That would have to be enough for now.

“Jungkook,” you repeated, testing it out on your tongue.

“You have questions.” There was no judgment in his voice as he said this, just a simple acknowledgement of your curiosity. “There’s a lot I won’t be able to answer, not yet.”

“When will you be able to? Are you waiting for something?”

He offered a small nod. “I answer to someone very powerful. I want to give you your answers, believe me. I understand what this situation must feel like from your perspective. But I need you to know that you are safe now.”

How many times has he said those same words now? Your mind suddenly transported you back to the dangerous moment you were just in, the grating voice of the monster scraping in your ears. “That thing from earlier… it said something to me.”

Jungkook’s expression darkened, and you swallowed thickly. “It told me… it said it was the solution. Well, it said ‘we.’ Which means there are more of them, right?” Tears burned at the back of your eyes as you thought about your friends, your neighbors, everyone you’ve ever been in contact with. The scream you heard before the light appeared. “You saved me, but what about everyone else? Are there more of you?”

“Yes.” That was all he was willing to say, and you were too defeated to press.

“Well.” You sniffled, wiping away the lonely tear that dripped down your jaw. You were tired of crying, tired of this day, tired of the danger. You would get your answers later. “Are they all as hot as you are?”

He laughed, and you were grateful for the sound. “They’re pretty hot, yeah.”

“Damn.” You nodded in approval. “I guess I can’t be complaining too much about having almost died, since you came to save me.”

His hand reached out to hold yours, his touch warm and firm over your fingers that you didn’t realize were shaking. “You should probably text your friends, right? C’mon, I’ll clean up out here, and you go get some rest.”

You bit your lip as you nodded, not wanting to think about what “clean up” meant.

~*~

The girl staring back at you in the foggy mirror was tired. Her eyes were rimmed red, wet hair sticking to her cheeks. You hadn’t seen her in a while, and she was not a happy sight.

The scratches on your arm weren’t very deep, but they were an angry color, and inflamed slightly. After you re-dressed them, you had to close your eyes for a moment, having stared at them a bit too long. You clenched your fist, nails digging into the palm of your hand in an attempt to ground yourself. The pink half-moons left in their place stung slightly, not enough to disrupt your raging thoughts, and your eyes snapped open. You slammed the door behind you as you rushed out of there, the humid air from your hot shower too thick for your lungs to breathe in properly.

There were over 100 texts waiting for you when you checked your phone.

Jin

I literally cant see anything in here. the generators arent working. one of my coworkers jumped and we could hear the thud guys im fucking sick

Your hand flew to your face as you read the message, sweat pricking at the nape of your neck as you struggled to breathe through the nausea. You were scared to read more, but you also felt obligated to in order to determine whether or not your friends were safe.

Ryujin

holy shit Jin thats awful im so sorry

also my dog wont stop barking but theres nothing outside, i cant see or hear anything its freaking me out

Lisa

does anyone else see like a blob of white light?

Your heart plummeted to your feet as you read her message. It was sent 4 minutes ago. No one responded to her since. Your body started moving before you knew what you were doing, swinging your bedroom door open and rushing into the living room. Jungkook’s eyebrows knitted together at the sight of you, distressed and panting.

“My friend–I think my friend is being attacked, she said she saw a white light just like the one I saw, please save her, I need you to save her, please–” Your breath stuttered when you realized he wasn’t doing anything, wasn’t reacting in any sort of way. “Jungkook?”

“I can’t… do that.” He shook his head, guilt etched into his features.

“What the fuck does that mean?” you choked out. “You’re here to fight those things, right? Isn’t that your ‘mission’?”

He shook his head, and you gritted your teeth. “It’s not that simple, [Name].”

“Then I’ll do it myself, and you can leave.” You tried to storm past him to grab your keys on the counter, but he grabbed your wrist. You twisted your arm out of his grip, and he quickly latched back on, this time holding your bandaged area and reopening the wound. “Ah!” you winced, pain running up your entire arm.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said. “But I can’t let you leave.”

You looked at him through glossy eyes, but your tears weren’t from sadness. Your face burned from the anger coursing through your veins. His guilty, dejected expression was really starting to piss you off. Your voice was icy when you spoke again, “You either help my friend, or let me go so I can do it myself.”

“If I help your friend, mine will die. And so will I.” You knew he wasn’t lying. And it didn’t make it better, didn’t make you less angry at him, but you understood. “If you leave, you will die. There’s no outcome if we take action where no one dies.”

But who will guarantee that Lisa doesn’t die? You punched the counter with your free arm, the frustration too much to contain. Over and over again, you slammed your fist against the marble, before eventually collapsing against Jungkook, who held the back of your head as you soaked his shirt with your tears. You weakly hit his chest, even though you knew you couldn’t make it hurt half as much as yours did. Eventually his grip on your arm loosened, and you jerked it away from him, cradling it with your other hand.

As soon as you were able to stop crying, you broke out of his arms and turned away from him, roughly wiping away your tears. The two of you stood there in silence for a beat until he spoke softly, “Can I look at your arm?”

“No,” you said, still not looking at him. “I think you should go.”

You went to your room first, not daring to look back at him. When you closed the door behind you, you sank down to the floor, hugging your knees to your chest. The brightness from your phone screen in your otherwise pitch black room made you squint a bit at first, but your eyes adjusted quickly.

[Name]

don’t go towards the light.

Lisa

i didn’t. it just went away after a bit. glad to hear from u

If you had any tears left, they would be pouring out right now. But you didn’t, so the most you could do was heave a sigh of relief.

Emergency Alert

THREAT ERADICATED. REMAIN INSIDE UNTIL THE ALL CLEAR. DO NOT TALK TO STRANGERS. CALL 9-1-1 IF YOU NEED MEDICAL ASSISTANCE.

Just as you finished reading the alert, you heard the soft click of a door closing come from outside your bedroom. You hadn’t expected him to stay, but you’d be lying if you said a part of you didn’t wish he had.

The same feeling you had in the back of your head this morning told you this wouldn’t be the last you’d see of him, though. And today taught you not to ignore it.

[solardragun]

Oz salt? Please spare Oz salt. 🥺

rubs hands. let's do this again because tumblr crashed.

first things first: I want everyone who has ever called him a liar to pay me $20 and then turn in a 40 page essay on how he's a liar, MLA format, sources cited.

now, onto that. everyone harps on ozpin for lying. keyword: lying. they call him a liar, they say they can't trust him, etc. let's talk about this. keeping secrets is not lying. lying is intentionally FALSE statements / information.

so, with that, let's count the number of times ozpin has GENUINELY LIED. that'll be a total of one (1) time. what lie was this? the relic having questions.

this ENTIRE time, everyone has been dragging this poor man by the ankles and punching at him while he's down when he's lied... once.

he's kept secrets, he's kept information to himself. that, by definition, is not lying. keeping secrets is not giving false statements. to keep calling him a liar is inaccurate.

now, let's move onto the way the narrative paints him.

"he forced pyrrha to be the maiden. he didn't give her a choice. he told her to pick or everyone would die. he guilt tripped her." — to that I say, no he didn't. he explained the gravity of the situation. if he didn't tell her the heavy parts, everyone would've ripped him to shreds because he "didn't warn her". he explained what he felt she needed to know: they needed someone to take the other half of amber's power. it's a big decision to make and it will change your life. there are people out there who want their hands on this power and we don't want the wrong person to have it, like cinder. you can take your time to choose. if you don't, we will consider another option.

he gave her the information she needed and he gave her time to think about it. when she accepted, he continuously asks her for consent and if she truly wants this. she said yes multiple times.

on that note, he is not responsible for her death. he told her to LEAVE when cinder attacked. he told her to go get qrow, james and glynda, and then get to safety with the rest of the students. SHE chose to come back and fight cinder all on her own. jaune even begged her not to do it before she shoved him in a locker and launched him away. ozpin is not responsible for her death.

"he's evil because he tried to leave salem and take their kids" — okay so clearly male abuse victims don't exist to you or the narrative. ozma was MANIPULATED by salem. jinn says as much: "the hearts of men are easily swayed." this is said over salem goading ozma into being a false god with her. he continuously questioned their choices, he was consumed with guilt, his host even asked him wtf was going on.

when their daughter came into her power, ozma decided to lay the truth out, and with it came the horror of salem wanting to USE their daughters to start a new generation of magic-users. she SAID it, right to his face. he BACKS AWAY IN DISGUST AND HORROR. his logical thought then was to LEAVE. wouldn't you if your spouse decided they wanted to use your children??

it astounds me because if the roles were reversed, ozma would be the villain and salem would be justified in leaving. interesting, isn't it?

next, we have the girls ripping his past away from him and then blasting him for hiding information. this... look, I don't care how "urgent" it was, there is NO excuse for doing this. if this had happened to blake when she was keeping secrets about being in the white fang or being with adam, the characters and audience would be livid, especially when the white fang were written as dangerous terrorists and adam was written as an abuser. they're dangerous, they posed threats. if this had happened to blake, if someone forced her trauma out into the open, they would be in the wrong. but because it's ozpin, it's fine.

moving on. "lying about lionheart." — this is just ridiculous. telling the world "hey, the headmaster of haven, who was a faunus by the way, was actually the one behind huntsmen dying and the attack on the school as well as contributing to the fall of beacon." it sends a BAD message and sets the human-faunus relationship back even further. ozpin chose not to tell the people about lionheart betraying them because not only would it cause issues, he also says that he would rather people believe in all the good leo had previously done. your mistakes don't define you, that kind of logic.

"oz lied about the lamp attracting grimm" — no he didn't. he didn't SAY that it did. that's not a lie. he kept it a secret so the students wouldn't worry and actually attract grimm. which, by the way, interesting how that "attraction" seemed to have disappeared by the time v7 and 8 dropped. never once saw grimm following them around because of the lamp. the only grimm that actively attacked were the ones coming through the hole in the wall. weird, huh? almost like the story NEEDED something for the characters to be mad at oz about.

anyway, I'm gonna move on. the fact that ozpin received ZERO apologies and / or sympathy, especially from those we'd expect it from (ruby, weiss, blake) is infuriating. EMERALD was forgiven in a heartbeat, and she actively helped cause the fall of beacon, she helped kill penny, she killed a faunus in vale to prove a point to cinder (who got mad at her for, btw), she helped frame yang into "attacking" mercury so she'd look violent, she worked for salem by proxy of cinder. emerald did way much worse than ozpin, and she was forgiven !! in that same episode, ozpin is given dirty looks and "hm, idk if we can still trust you." hell, HE apologized. he had NOTHING to apologize for. these kids were in the wrong, especially when they lied throughout all of volume seven and then were justified for it. "you're not like oz, you're trusting people to prove themselves first." uh. you mean like ozpin was doing???? these students actively lied to ironwood for most of v7 until it finally caught up to them, and then they were STILL in the right. yet they got on ozpin and still reprimand him.

idunno man, I'm so tired. this isn't even the half of it but I'm angry all over again.

in any case, ozpin isn't perfect, he has made some really stupid mistakes (CCT towers that cause global disconnection when one tower falls, etc.), but like, he's not the devil either.

[shiishki]

okay wait, i changed my mind. you should answer all of these questions as well, if that's what you want from me >:)

oof there's a lot of it, that's what i get for wanting to be ✨aesthetic✨

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

vowels (and the importance of being me) - hunny

honeypie - jawny

pretty young thing - michael jackson

mirrors - justin timberlake

sunflower - red orange county

paradise - rude-a

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

a therapist.

ok someone else.. uhh,, my grand grandma because i only have scratches of memories but i dunno if that counts since she passed away...

*rummages through ancient scripts* uhh ok someone who isn't dead.. uhm,, tommie? yeah I'd like to meet them if i could meet anyone on earth

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

ok, the closest german, english or polish book? nvm i have english

"suddenly was. So I just said thank you a few times too, and Mum" ironically this is one of the normal lines in this book

4: What do you think about most?

the fact that I'll have to do something after school. and I don't know if i want to go to college or get a job bc i have no legitimate idea on what to do with my life. it gets overwhelming, just the lack of knowledge about the actual experience.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Ok

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with, tho i sleep with just shorts in summer

7: What’s your strangest talent?

not sure if it's a talent, but i can fall asleep anywhere

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are pretty. boys are pretty

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

by me, yes. no one else has written a poem about me specifically. nvm, tommie wrote one and it shall rest on my wall, or desk, i need to find a place for it

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

uhh i think last month?

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

i don't think so, but i am hella afraid of the possibly gigantic, terrifying things in the ocean depths that humans haven't discovered yet

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

yep, beloved legos as a lil child

13: What’s your religion?

i can't ever remember the name, but i believe gods (from all religions) exist in some way or form. so i believe in different pantheons and etc.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking my doggo, skateboarding, thinking about how to make the lives of my characters worse

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

uhmm the arctic monkeys? or the strokes

17: What was the last lie you told?

i know what i want

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, the rule of three specifically

19: What does your URL mean?

i don't know. it's something me and my sis came up with and that's just my whole identity now.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

uhh greatest weakness.. i can't finish things. strength is that I'm very stubborn so maybe I'll finish that thing out of spite

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

i grew up thinking crushes were like unicorns. my ex was odd enough to argue with that i didn't love her if i didn't have a crush on her. but I think if i had to guess.. selena gomez, especially in the role of alex russo in wizard of weverly street

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write angry letters. sometimes they're sad letters. i write a lot of letters. except i never send them out and no one made a movie about them :}

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

jars and witchy bottles, books? scented candles

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone calls are stressful enough as is, i don't need you to see my reading off what i frantically wrote to not stumble over my words

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

i think so, yes, but that won't stop me from becoming better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate flies buzzing right by my ear, love cat purring

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if I'd been born in a place where it was illegal for me (nonbinary) to live, in a time when others thought of me as a curse?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

they be chilling.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm, doggo, left arm, pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

fresh air and doggo, because doggo is with me and I can't live without open windows

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

i dunno tbh

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

which one is less homophobic?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

every gender is my opposite gender. selena gomez and justin timberlake

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to make it easier for people down the line

36: Define Art.

make thing, thing goes woo

37: Do you believe in luck?

yis

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it's nice actually, very sunny, slight breeze

39: What time is it?

12.59 am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

i don't, but i once crashed into a fire department vehicle with my bike. bike ded.

41: What was the last book you read?

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

i legit ass don't know what gasoline smells like.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

many variations of my name, aka. Luce

44: What was the last film you saw?

i think it was Robin Hood: King of Thieves, but it might have been that half of spider-man homecoming i managed to watch with my poor internet

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

oh man i dunno... it's not an injury, but i was very sickly as a lil kid and almost died :)

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

once, years ago

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

hmmm horizon zero dawn i think

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

proud pansexual ^^

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

not really, i don't think they're big enough to be actual rumors,, meh

50: Do you believe in magic?

yis

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

meh. they suck, i know they suck, that's it.

52: What is your astrological sign?

cancer ♋

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i attempt saving. attempt

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

for my own money, sweets. i bought lizards for my cats so they can brush their teeth from my dad's amazon acc

55: Love or lust?

luv

56: In a relationship?

nope, i buy my own cookies

57: How many relationships have you had?

1, kinda toxic toward the end, very stressful, don't recommend

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nu ><

59: Where were you yesterday?

on the fields walking my doggo

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yep, a pastel pink hoodie in my closet uwu

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

yis, thicc warm socks

62: What’s your favourite animal?

cats

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

cuddles and food.

64: Where is your best friend?

bold of you to assume i have a best friend.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

tommie-hildebrandt, kageyuji, nekomas-kuroo, joyful-soul-collector

66: What is your heritage?

I'm a demon boi from Poland tho that's not a thing to be proud of, i mean, look at the economy. awful.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, trying to sleep.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Pinkton. or Satan.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

this is such an odd combination of words i had to look it up. yea.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

a friend who won't laugh at me when i ask them to order smth for me because I'm too anxious to.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

excuse me? i am saving the doggo wtf. f u boss, I'm gonna sell my tragic story to the news.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i tell my parents. b) live the hell out of them uwu c) nope uwu.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

history maker - dean fujioka :]

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

3332

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

communication, trust, some more communication.

77: How can I win your heart?

let's not pretend to be something else to please each other, and bring some bitter chocolate.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

maybe. it could. i don't have a say in it since my sanity is held by tape.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

eat the pizza. stop caring about others not liking me/parts of me. just living for myself uwu.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

uh i dunno how the american sizes work and i don't wanna look it up so, 39, 40 fits too.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

demon boi

82: What is your favourite word?

socks.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the bloody organ that sits in your chest and pumps blood into your body so you don't die.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

uhm im not sure if that counts as a saying, but fake it till you make it

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

blinding lights - the weeknd

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

oh a normal question people use for ice breaking, sea blue and pastel variations of it.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

like my wallpaper? or the actual picture that sits on my desk? or how my desk looks like atm? it's ugly, a lot of papers and pens and schoolbooks.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

donald trump. or the next asshole who'll try to take the rights of the lgbt and poc away

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

this. this is the question.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

yo there's a pizza somewhere in the refrigerator, want me to heat it up? we can have a sleep over and talk about our feelings :3

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

telekinesis! or shapeshifting! i could do such fun things with telekinesis ^^ yeah I'd totally eat some radioactive veggies

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

that time my "friends" got me into shoplifting, half-hour is more than enough to punch some sense into my brain and develop good music taste

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i save this one? i don't think i have an experience horrible enough to be erased haha

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

sleep as in.. uh no thank u. but I'm down for a sleep over with sam smith ^^

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

just me? what about my pets? my fam? it's lowkey illegal for me to go just anywhere without them owO

uhhmm, greece. imma become part of the greek pantheon out of pure spite. and maybe toronto canada.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not any that i know of o.o

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

i think i may have but i honestly don't remember

98: Ever been on a plane?

nope, i dunno if i like planes, but I'd probably sleep if i were on one.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

yeet.

[valdrift]

hi its 3am and i wrote down dnd au shit that im putting under cut bc its. long

pre-canon is mostly the same with minor differences bc d&d magic at play

 jyl and jzx die but they're ok bc true resurrection baby. maybe it takes them a while to be resurrected bc, at the time, resurrection is a fairly new spell/VERY expensive (requires diamonds worth 25k gp in game)/no one was high enough level to cast the spell and also the spell is taxing on the caster/resurrection is taboo (not sure abt that one). anyways they live and raise jl :) jc is still angry but for different reasons and he's also Not As Angry and misses his brother. wwx doesn't know that jyl/jzx lived

wwx doesn't die. during the bloodbath of nightless city, he manages to destroy one half of the stygian tiger seal but before he can destroy the other, the siege on the burial mounds happens. he planeshifts to the 9 hells to escape taking the remaining half with him. such spells were completely unknown at the time and were of wwx's invention so ppl just assumed he died/killed himself. he stays in hell for 13 years (part cultivating his powers/part thinking he deserves it) before finally returning to the material plane thx to mxy

during those 13 years, ppl definitely try to reach him. BUT considering he's on another plane of existence, they often fail. communication spells like sending usually fail but Some do reach him, though he thinks he's just going crazy or it's just wishful thinking. (jyl successfully sends him a message like "a-xian? are you there? …well, wherever you are, i hope you're ok. i miss you. i love you. we all do. please come back." and wwx thinks it isn't real. he DEFINITELY cries when he finds out it actually was real and he wasn't losing his mind in hell)

REGARDING WWX'S POWERS: no one has done it like him!! forming a pact with a fiend was practically unheard of/extremely taboo and the fact that he managed to outgrow his patron in terms of power (lvl 20 baby) is something in of itself. wwx is like The First Warlock Ever and after his "death" many others tried to follow in his footsteps, however no one came even close in terms of power. xy maybe but fuck that guy lol

MXY LIVES!!! bc of reasons he manages to get his hands on a deck of many things from the jin vault (perhaps nhs had a hand in it :eyes:) and draws a wish card on the first try (Very Lucky). he uses that card to essentially wish a pact with the yiling patriarch into existence and over in hell wwx is like "hey wtf is going on" and pops into mxy's shed to see what's up

wq also lives!! jgs covered up her death and wn and her bust out of jinlintai when wwx calls

CURRENT-CANON:

mxy and wwx have a patron/ward relationship. wwx Knows he's not like his own patron and has no desire for mxy's soul or w/e so he's just "yea fine i guess i'll be your evil teacher :/"

wtf is wwx's patron anyway lol…..maybe it's a demon/fiendish entity that resided in the burial mounds that wwx formed a pact with to survive. it probably hangs out on another plane of existence and was partly responsible for his deteriorating mental state.

at mo manor, the mo family dies without mxy or wwx rlly having to do anything. mxy uses his fledgling warlock skills to help out the lan juniors with the arm. lwj shows up after and wwx's like AH FUCK and dips with mxy following after him

wwx uses mask of many faces to disguise himself in his humansona (bc like. he's a tiefling and also very recognizable, being the yiling patriarch and all no biggie) and has bonding moments with mxy. mxy realizes that wwx is not actually evil incarnate; he's actually a fucking dumbass ESPECIALLY when the man starts talking about lwj. (idk how this plays in but I want wwx to complain abt lwj like "i used to be taller than him, now we're the same height?? bullshit >:(" bc i am spreading my short lwj propaganda)

mxy and wwx run into jl at some point. wwx is like :'( when he finds out who it is, jl is a baby homophobe and mxy is like I Will Tell Your Mother to which wwx goes WHAT. BACK UP bc surprise, jyl's actually alive! while he's reeling with this information, mxy drags him away

at dafan mountain, mxy and wwx help out the juniors with the goddess statue. wwx summons wn and jc is like HEY WAIT A SECOND. he goes to hit wwx with zidian (still has the ability to knock possessive spirits but it also has dispel magic, not good for wwx's disguise!) however mxy deflects it with *fjord critical role voice* Eldritch Blast earning lwj's respect. anyways lwj takes both mxy and wwx back to the cloud recesses; mxy doesn't see what's the big deal, wwx is freaking out and Desperately wants to planeshift out of there but he has a ward now and disappearing like that would mean the jigs up considering no one else can planeshift

at the cloud recesses, mxy ditches wwx with lwj so the two can have a Talk to go chill. lwj is like "wei ying drop the humansona i know it's you" and wwx goes :O well. after, mxy comes back and is like "ok so here's the deal with the arm" and spills what he knows abt jgy and what he did and the 3 of them head off to get evidence

I Do Not Remember much of their whole like journey to piece nmj's body back together but it'd probably go much faster with mxy alive and knowledgeable to jgy's shit

wangxian are still gay and stupid

idk abt yi city but songxiao and a-qing get a better ending and xy eats shit

there will def be a yunmeng sib reunion.

POST-CANON:

pulling a page from cql, lwj is chief cultivator but only so he can like. actually do some good then once he's done dismantles the position or smth so he can live out his house husband dreams with wwx

wwx still goes on that journey so he can relearn what it's like to be a person in society and not someone hated and demonized. also he lived in literal hell for 13 years, dude needs time to process that. but u KNOW when he comes back, he's eloping with lwj

with all the pieces of nmj's body back together, nhs true resurrects him :)

NOTES:

wen clan are a mix of tiefling and human, with direct members being tiefling

lsz and ljy are human, jl is half-elf (half-triton), and ozz is a tabaxi (catboy rights!!)

wwx definitely used mask of many faces to entertain a-yuan in the burial mounds by disguising himself as whoever a-yuan asked. (disguises himself as lwj at their dinner date bc a-yuan said so and lwj is like Fuck…….He Would Make Such A Good Father…………)

[thecrenellations]

Return of the Thief Notes, Part One: The Book of Pheris, Volume I

Notes from my first read, October 2020. (Part Two | Part Three | TaT)

Contents:  "So, so, so” watch, Costis watch, swearing, trashing the king’s attendants, being objectively wrong, boundless enthusiasm and love 

I promise I’ve had more developed thoughts since these often incoherent ones, but I’ve enjoyed having these notes to refer to - for sentimental reasons and for  entertainment, so here they are, for others who enjoy liveblogs and/or being whisked back in time to their first read of this wonderful book.

Format: Page number. My thoughts (Context?)

Dedication, Table of Contents, Exordium:

There it is – to Sounis

Exordium – vocab #1

Interregnum?!? Alyta?

Pheris!!!

Yeah I love him from the first page

MOIRA

MOCKING COMMENTS HELP! Gen lives!

A new level of unreliable narrator

Moira, messages of Gods, Pheris, messages of __

Wtf is going on in this study? A zoo?

high king vs great king vs annux?

okie dokie dude

Chapter 1

1. Susa – Costis

2. Infirmity – who gets to be hero/tell story (I started reading right after the book launch, in which mwt spent some time talking about her writing influences and decisions connect to this question - Pheris isn’t her first disabled protagonist and storyteller, of course, but it was lovely to meet him properly directly after hearing her talk about it. Book launch foreshadowing part 1...)

Melisande?

Is this why he wasn’t taught to read?

3. Always the summer

Bees!

4. Hunting cat… hm…

Ok … shrine … 😬

5. Once again we start with a disaster or having to flee

Which Eugenides precipitated

Bite!

Little monster :(

6. Falling…

:(

7. :( :( :(

His purpose? D:

8. YIKES

Chapter 2

9. Hello there! (Gen!)

Massive chair?

10. CRACKED WATER JUG (amphora motif???)

11. Triangle from seal!

Gen that’s rude to Pheris :( (“He will fit in very well with my attendants”)

Wait. This must have happened before ACoK! (nope)

12. :(

Xikander … never made an impression before

How old is Pheris? (lol)

13. Philologos come thru!

Royal closet reappears!

14. Hello weird secondhand scene!

He is Eugenides

Marina…

15. Petrus? GALEN? OH SHIT! 

Is this why Galen was called? (nope)

16. Hell yea Petrus

Miras’ golden balls oh no

All these previously unnamed sucky attendants!

17. Ula – goddess of hearth and healing

Ok … Galen … or a god? Eugenides????? (why did these options occur to me before Mr. Shows Up At Your Bedside At Night himself)

18. Finally the attendant floor plans I crave + hunting scenes!

19. EXCUSE ME he slept through Sounis + Eddis wedding!!!

Again – high king!

20. So Ion is beautiful … hmm.

Yeah … Sejanus has facets. I like it.

21. Clearly no one would know what king would do … lol

Don’t mind me just sorting the attendants on a spectrum of awfulness!!!

22. SO SO SO – ION!!!!!

How many fucking attendants are there and how many are on my hit list!

Is “the necessaries” bathrooms or like … him stealing? (just the bathrooms ... the Gen-Pheris parallels were really getting to me at this point)

:(

23. OH MY GOD THE UNIFIED CREST

Also … frogs. Frogs.

24. Big day for Gen huh

Definitely an aura of Something as he writes about Gen

25. HELLO EVERYONE

26. Sorry Kamet, Pheris does the physical descriptions better. They’re beautiful

I’m blacking out at Eddis and Sounis

27. Jesus Christ. The bear.

Cousin time!

Under the table is the new up on the roof!

Uh… twin imagery ….

Gen’s feet!

Jesus. The matching

28. Cleon … wtf? A cousin?

A trial for Sophos?

Show! Us! Sophos’s! Shoes!

29. If u throw things out the air shaft you might hit the king

Was it a chicken?

Lol nvm the guy at night is Gen. That is … very sweet

- Showing up at night

- Accent

- Complaining about Petrus

- Swearing

- One hand

I am judging Costis and Sophos for not describing the paneling in Gen’s room!

Chapter 3

30. Was it a chicken?

An earring huh, good hand huh

31. Literally screaming “NO!” at Gen. Don’t joke about dying! I am killed by Gen on annux day. This is. My boy. Yes he is perfect. Yes he will refuse to get up. I love him. I died on page 31

Philologos is still the best of them

32. Dancing bear indeed

Always the powdered gold

Ruby!!!!! <3

Aww a smile!!! <3

Pheris he likes you!

33. They both love invisibility and lost it … I cry

Erupt like the sacred mountain excuse me!

OR WORSE return to bed! Lol

34. He’s Eugenides when he’s talking to Attolia

Ouch hero talk

! from Irene!

My queen!

Hey Phresine!

They way we do <3 he’s hating it but he’s so comfortable with her

Sister and bro mention! C’mon!

I love them

EYEBROW

35. Honestly that’s a yes (“I have no idea what you mean, my queen”)

It’s so cute they hang out in the morning … like how long was it even since they’ve seen each other lol

:( tough walk for Pheris

Is it prophecy time?

Lol how long does this construction take?!

Also … she’s pregnant, huh? but no one knows (nope)

Is befriending someone weaponized as a prank count for Gen’s enemies to friends list?

Also SHOW ME the magus. I know he’s here!

36. Pheris excuse me, why not recreate this!

Lol cast off language of history indeed

Feel the thrum of the goddess!

EXCUSE ME… a minor goddess? Mystery goddess? Or Philia?

Oh Gen

37. Well, Gen, someone is having a worse day than you.

Damn, how far we come.

Aww Sounis, babe, I love you and so does Gen

[drawing of the four of them sitting in a row]

38. Artadorus???? Pomegranate?

39. HEIRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A friend! Also lol. Two smiles, for Pheris and Heiro..

40. Yesss Melheret joke in action.

Costis has left tho right?

Jesus, Melheret

SHE GAVE HIM A HORSE (I COULD NOT DEAL with this entire conversation, but then again I could not deal with this whole book.)

41. I love them all so much

“on that horse, you will look like a king” I can’t with her sense of humor

He sure did say that

I feel like I’m missing something with the fight on foot thing … remembering battles?

Helen called him Gen!

Sophos stop talking about yourself and bringing apricots into everything lol

Lol these bystanders don’t know how lucky they are. Nor does Pheris, yet

42. She’s protecting him

Also … Gen … you didn’t want to be a soldier.

43. Guards have capes

2 startled men … hm …

Oh Gen. The fucking brutal echoes…

44. :( :( :(

Gen tell your wife you’re sick!

The attendants are so dumb

45. So, so, so :(

Tell who? Petrus?

Wink!

Yes?

46. Bleeding! Salt! Lemon! Heck no! What is he, a piece of meat?

Oranges?

47. “savoring each bite as if it were my last” ... Same … but with this book

Hmm… Alyta! Goddess of the gentle rain! (despite this “hmm,” I did not put the pieces together)

48. Oh no Teleus! And someone?

Aw he realized <3 lemon water

49. Gen eat your broth lol

50. I love them.

Ion’s really trying to make up for what he did that one time

51. Without the approval of the great goddess HAHAHA

I love them. Cousin time! Growl?

Idk whether or not to be reassured, Gen.

Wow Cleon I do not like that. Also didn’t he die? (...)

Comma (“I am not, Eddis”)

Go smack him!

52. Gen I love you.

Helen I love you.

He’s so bad at self care but I love him

Chapter 4

55. love that our narrator just disappears and reappears

56. Attolia’s brother’s bedroom? Yikes. Ominous. A detail in a story we’ve already gotten, different every time <3

57. fucking attendants. 3 good ones. Medander you were beneath Costis’s notice before but I hate you. Costis didn’t have time for you or Xikos or Xikander and nor do I

58. interesting pawn talk!!!

59. <3 Pheris :(

The Gen comparisons though

:( :( :( :(

60. flamboyance <3

Cemphora bush

Bees

61. I love him

62. I love them

Also lol “Your majesty?”

63. Name … hm … (“I have deliberately omitted [my tutor’s] name here”)

64. more twin imagery I swear

WAIT … it was his birthday! Not just Annux day?!! Gen was born in late summer???

Attendant list thank you

65. laying it all out there, huh … (that one Gen quote)

Lol they’re the same but Pheris likes horses

66. Insellia! Hello nice to meet you

67. Gen that’s mean. (“He is hardly even half of one.”)

68. Coleus leves???

“I am Eugenides.” <3

Gen why

69. Gold cups???? Hmmmmm. Also lioness. Def invoking Costis. (they’re probably not the cups, but STILL)

Earth….

70. Moira! Hi!!! Rainbow shawl!

Like a rabbit!

Pester!

I’m … very sad he uses his Attolian accent with Helen

71. Aaah so good

Mortals

Moira knows another messenger?

Does he think he can’t die in battle?

72. hmm are they WRANGLING?! (Galen and Petrus and my Fire and Hemlock word association)

Kill that pastry Irene I love you

morning training with his … guard? (Is that the whole guard or a guard? Costis senses tingling once again.)

73. Oh gen.

Ouch! (“to send people to their deaths and not risk my own is contemptible”)

Is she implying he’s paying Therespides?

74. Interesting Cleon plan. So many doubles

OUCH. (“Only if he comes back from the dead.” I assumed Lader had died in the war; it’s a different ouch now. I love that they both accidentally say things to each other that poke old wounds, and it’s not a big deal but it’s also not dismissed! Their relationship has come so far, and I love them so much.)

75. Verimius – Lavia – Celia??? Somebody is queer in there!

A GUARD

This scene confuses me. Xortix? Layteres? Aris! but dice thing is less political … so maybe? (just wait....)

76. So many reasons to hate Medander

Hey Costis! You exist! KoA happened!

Gen is just … still so uncomfortable and miserable. He chose, he has people, but still.

RIP Clopius also WHAT

77. Lol Hilarion’s grand statements

78. Yorn Fordad Hello!

Luxurious mustache

The mighty Pents?

Besin Quedue – she’s coming 4 you watch out

79. RIP Baron Hippias

Chapter 5

80. Spring! Plays! Cenna!

81. Oh dear

Oh dear

At least they said he was pretty

83. ?!? :( wine

Uh oh. Stockpiling

85. What even.

AAAAAAAAAH COSTIS

86. Omg Irene. Hissing. I love her.

Also … Gen’s the viper

Also this scene was written by Pheris.

Damn.

87. oh no.

What better man

She fucking quoted Howl. I love them.

Also, bees (this scene killed me)

90. Falling?

Oh shit

Also … Juridius and Pheris, Susa and Costis (comparing demands for information)

93. oh my god (IT’S THE WINDOW SCENE)

Oh my god

Uh

94. She! Called! Him! Gen!

I love this and it scares me

Lol Chloe

Irene you learned from her though

95. D:

96. :(

97. water stuff

98. what the heck

OH NO (Quedue scene)

Hm

100. yikes

Omg

Wow.

102. yikes yikes YIKES

103. a blade has protruded from his chest (tbt to The Thief)

jesus

106. shit

Did Gen hit him?

108. lol Phresine

109. lol

I want genuinely every character’s reaction to this shit

Chapter 6

111. what the heck Gen.

112. like a god [crown doodle]

114. Perma?

116. Gen. Gen. Gen. Do not.

117. AAAA (god intervention)

122. Juridius to Dite

124. bye Iolanthe and Ileia! Tell us about Caeta and Silla.

125. did not expect so much Ion

Chapter 7

127. Fryst god of winter

She laughed!

They’re so married

128. OH SHIT (Costis ship is sighted and I remember what’s about to happen next)

Interesting timing

He rode the horse home?

131. Beauty and good, beauty and kind

134. The gods’ goodwill

Keep them safe <3

135. Is that his MOM?!! Wtf (it was!)

Pheris steal those earrings!!!

RING! SMASH BOX!

137. AMPHORA EARRINGS (and flowers)

138. I love Phresine

139. Why do I feel like all the game birds are pigeons

140. meanwhile Gen’s been hanging out with Kamet. Shit. I cannot.

WELCOME HOME BOYS!

HELL YEAH KAMET ATTEND THOSE MEETINGS!

RELIUS COME THRU

141. lethium soup! The reversal

Safe for you

142. of course he knew <3

143. Kamet time! I love him. We get to see Kamet!!!

Also … echo of Gen’s notes on Mede

145. very handsome. … gaycostis vindication (referring to @costis’s url at the time and this post. Little did I know what else was to come in the next chapter and then a few months later with the adaptation news...)

Do you know who I am?

Chapter 8

147. Of course he’s a cartographer

A favorite huh

148. of course she didn’t tell us his age!

149. the angsty window staring I crave

Music!

151. adventure, huh

I do have a soft spot for Melheret

152. concerned about amphora gift

153. Glad they can be well and united in spite!! (Gen and Melheret)

154. Pheris loves math and I love him

155. Hello Teleus. Hello olives

Lol Relius is not into math

156. pigeons. Inkpot!

157. yeah honestly. He tortures people. He was NOT tortured by the king

159. lol (“I have noted the elective nature of certain behaviors” ... I love Relius and Pheris.)

160. The Invitation! I <3 it

161. EXCUSE ME WHO

Legarus!

FOLKS HERE WE ARE (I cannot overstate how wonderful it was to read this page. I did not know who the poem was from, and “Someone loves me very much, even with all my faults” is even sweeter to reread, but it’s just ... his confidence is so different from the tentative consideration of a new philosophy of trust and love we see in KoA. And there is subtextual queerness in the books before this one, some more apparent and some more subtle (and what is obvious to one reader may be subtle or invisible to another, in these books especially), and there is the attendant love triangle a few chapters back, but HERE - here, Pheris acknowledges the real feeling and love in Legarus’s disastrous relationship and tells us directly that his lover was a man, here he seamlessly makes it clear how bi and poly Relius is, and he quietly ties these relationships and realities to his growing understanding of the world. It’s not subtext. And there’s a lot more to come, but this page really hit me, and sort of promised the “more to come” while assuring me that what had come before, more subtly, was there. I used to have heteronormative readings of both these books and myself, and when Thick as Thieves brought them crashing back into my heart after years away, I knew better about myself, and I saw that - or the possibility of that reading -  reflected in the new book, and it was such a good surprise. It meant a lot, and this page meant a lot, and that is why I’m writing a small essay to accompany this note.) 

Lol wow

162. Where are you traveling, man (this question remains)

163. Fuck you, Orutus

164. Stole an inkpot!

165. the map!!! (Kamet’s)

166. I love them!

167. The Math Master hmm

Am I an oracle (Nope! :) )

[lovemesomesurveys]

[-lastcall]

have you ever been invited to a tacky-christmas-sweater party? No, but I’m cheesy and would enjoy something like that.

does your school have spirit week..you dress up as super heros and stuff? Yeah, my schools did that.

doesnt it bother you when someone texts you, you reply, & they never reply? Depends on how urgent/pressing the conversation is. <<< Yeah, it may not need an urgent response or one at all.

when is the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt? It’s been a very long time.

what is the biggest turn off, to you? Arrogance and cockiness.

is there one saying that is just getting OLD to you? ex: “fail”? I’m sure there is, but I can’t think of one at the moment.

what do you do when you can’t sleep? My nighttime routine consists of scrolling through Tumblr, watching YouTube videos, doing surveys, and listening to ASMR.

when was the last time you had a nightmare? I woke up crying and shaking the other morning.

where do you see yourself in ten years? I don’t knowww.

if you had the chance to re-do the past six months..would you do it? Nooo.

does your family have traditions? Yeah.

have you ever had a horribleee school picture? I never liked my school picture. Well, except for the ones from like preschool to 2nd grade. 

what is the most annoying commercial to you? I’ve been basically bedridden and watch a lot of TV, so I see a lot of the same commercials numerous times a day and certain ones stand out and annoy me like this one where there’s this guy driving and singing with his hood ornament thingy. The song goes something like, “you got the brawn, I got the brain. Let’s make lots of money” or something like that.

whose voice will never fail to get on your nerves? Back when that show The Nanny came on I just couldn’t stand to hear Fran Drescher’s voice omg. Sofia Vergara’s voice annoys me, too.

have you ever met anyone half-way famous? I’ve met Jaime Lee Curtis, who is quite famous I’d say.

is there a celebrity that you are related to? (im related to elvis) :) Not that I know of.

do you like your laugh? No.

who was the last person to call you beautiful? I don’t know. I look like trash.

would you call your last relationship a mistake? No.

do you believe in regrets? Yeah, and I have plenty.

where are you going after you die? I pray I go to heaven.

have you ever been asked out over text message? Yes.

have you ever run up your phone bill? No.

pick: apple, or dell. Apple.

what is your outfit of choice? Leggings and a graphic tee.

who was the last person that you talked to on the phone for over 2 hours? I haven’t talked on the phone that long in many, many, many years.

do you sleep on your stomach, side or back? I sleep on my left side.

is it easier to fall up or down the stairs, to you? I don’t/can’t use the stairs.

has it been a while since the last time you got grounded? I’m 31 years old...

would you ever take up a job in photography? No.

what is your pizza topping of choice? Extra sauce and cheese, spinach, cilantro, and garlic.

what food is your weakness? Lately, it’s been ice cream and chips and dip.

do you type with correct punctuation? Yes.

how do you like your eggs? Over-easy, scrambled, hard boiled, deviled.

do you even remember your life before you could drive? I don’t drive.

do you remember your first crush? Yes.

were you born in the place you grew up in? Yes.

someone texts you calling you a skank. what do you reply? Wtf.

would you ever take place in a long-distance relationship? I don’t think so.

what was your childhood nickname? Noodles. lol.

is there a smell that makes you gag? Old food. do you actually use your locker at school, if you are still in school? I never used one.

have you ever broken a bone? Yes. do your parents trust you? Yes.

what is your favorite lyric of all time? I have countless favorite lyrics. do you restart the song when you miss your favorite part? Sometimes.

in your opinion, can you sing well? Nope. I know I can’t sing.

when was the last time you were disappointed? I’ve been continuously disappointed in myself for the past few years and counting. 

have you ever visited dictionary.com? Yeah.

who is your best friend? My mom.

do you totally hate your hometown and plan on leaving as soon as possible? My family and I would love to.

what is your hometown known for? Nothing good.

does your bedroom have a theme? Nah, not really.

you open your closet doors, what color do you see the most? Black.

your fingernails are currently painted what color? They’re not painted.

say a random word in another language: Triste.

have you ever read a series of books that had more than 10 books in it? Yeah, I’ve read several. I’m reading the 13th book in one right now.

what is something that alwaysss gets on your nerves? Eating sounds.

you wake up in the middle of the night hungry, do you eat or shrug it off? I always have my nightly bowl of ramen.

are you the black sheep of the family? I feel that way sometimes cause of the stuff I’ve gone and go through. It’s been a lot and I feel un-relatable. 

have you ever burnt anything on accident? Yes.

what song always makes you sad? The acoustic version of Everlong by Foo Fighters because of the memory attached to it.

have you ever been to a techno party? No.

does your school have those slutty dance parties every weekend? What...

what time on average do you wake up during the summer? When I wake up varies regardless of the day or time of year.

what time zone do you live in? PST.

what movie can you not waaaaait to see? New Marvel movies, Halloween Kills, and Scream 5 to name a few. is there a tv series you have watched ever since the first season came out? Yeah, a few. who is the most awkward person you know? Myself.

would you date kyle? Who?

do you have a blogger account? This.

when you get married, what do you want your last name to be? I don’t plan on getting married.

have you ever legally changed your name? No.

does your family send out a christmas card every year? No.

do you stare at people’s butts when they walk? No.

do you think it is cute or waaaay annoying when guys sag? I’ve never understood that style.

do you own uggs or do you think they are uggly? bahaha. I’m not a fan.

what smiley do you use most often? :/ or :X

your mom hears you cuss. what does she say? She’d just be surprised cause I never have. I’m 31 years old, though, so it’s not like I can’t. I’m just weird about that.

have you ever been in a wedding? No.

have you ever heard of tim tebow? Yeah.

who have you fantasized about marrying? No one.

i can’t spell correctly worth a flip, can you? I think so.

what word do you say wayyy too much? Probably “um” or “like.”

do you think ‘thats what she said’ is gross or funny? It’s just old now.

do you think running a mile is fun or a punishment? I wouldn’t find anything about that fun.

do you say “FAIL” after everything, like my brother does? No.

have you ever been to a concert? Yeah, a few.

have you been to each coast of America? I’ve been to the west and east coast.

[tsukidotcom]

Haikyuu HC to COVID-19 (Karasuno edition)

This is horrible 💀 im just so bored so I made whatever this mess is KFJSJDMSK enjoy

Hinata Shouyou

huh? isn’t it just the flu?

“No, hinata. People have died from it-“

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH-

goes bananas

whenever someone sneezes or coughs, his soul leaves his body as he runs away to sanitize/wash his hands for a miserably long time.

eats an expired can of peaches thinking it’s his last resort

lowkey happy school is closed because homework sucks

but also highkey hates it because now all volleyball tournaments are closed

then gets all angry when he realizes he’d have to do online school???!!?? like wtf he got jipped.

thinks they could still do volleyball if they did online calls cus if the school can do it,, then vOLLEYBALL CAN

will probably miss half of the class calls from oversleeping/forgetting anyway.

sheepishly ask yamaguchi, yachi or tsukishima for help on assignments/notes. (he will NEVA ask kageyama. he’s always in competition with him here!)

still practices volleyball 24/7 in his backyard or room (maybe even with his baby sister??)

He’s really good at practicing all by himself from practicing all alone in middle school—

but will probably go crazy being alone all the time with his family. he just wants to play volleyball with the team again.

looks up “what to do when you’re bored” or “what to do at home while in quarantine” on youtube

Kageyama Tobio

probably says he’s immune to the corona because he’s just better than everyone else

doesn’t really think it’s real until school shut down because of it

When he sees that corona is airborne he wont know what that means so he’d probably think it’s produced by air itself?? which makes him think air is trying to kill the human race?? and will be so confused as to why it decided to pop up now???

DESPISES online school. He had enough trouble understanding it from the gecko, so now he has to learn it basically all by hiMSELF?!?

And no way is he just gona email the teacher for help. If he does it’s gonna be only once in his lifetime. Anymore than that he thinks he’s doin too much. He doesn’t want his teachers thinking he’s dumb 😭

he says literally nothing during the calls he just tries to pay attention? and fails because he’s on a computer. in his room. alone. he’s bound to daze off or stare at a pen for 5 minutes.

Obvi still practices volleyball. Very much misses it. At least Hinata had his sibling to practice with him. tobio is a lone wolf in his household.

When his mom goes out to get groceries he gives her one of those doctor masks so she doesn’t catch corona.

Few moments later through the internet he realizes that corona is smaller than air molecules so if you can breathe through something you could still get it so he struggles for an hour thinking he just killed his mother

When his mom is back he keeps his distance in case she’s carrying the plague

omg did she just cough or am i imagining things no she definitely coughed she has corona oh oh god

In reality she was just clearing her throat.

is lowkey worrying about everyone and how they are 🥺 (yes, maybe even hinata).

thinks he’s science smart by calling it covid-19 than corona.

Asahi Azumane

He just worries about everyones health

like he just imagines the worst case scenario’s and starts to get really worried if people got it. Always checks on everyone and asks if they’re feeling any symptoms of corona ❤️

He’s either not gonna get it or he gets it and dies there’s no inbetween

but he’s jesus himself so theres no way he nor anyone in his bloodline can get it

is very happy to know that dogs can’t get it.

Takes online school seriously and tries his best

And is honestly so sad school just ended??? even if it’s temporary, he could be learning, playing volleyball, and going about his day instead of staying in a cage. he’s a third year so—how would graduation even go..?

always is up to date on the news !! and notifies everyone if anything important is added/changed.

Always tells everyone to stay safe! Whether through text or before ending a call.

only buys a lot of toilet paper from the fear of there being no toilet paper in stock since evERYONE IS BUYING IT-

Starts to try new hobbies that he put off for the longest time cus quarentine is rlly getting to him.

Is all out a family guy so he doesn’t mind the extra time with his family.

Nishinoya Yu

OAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

420 blazin’

thinks going outside means you’re instantly gonna die from corona attacking your white blood cells (????)

but also probably doesnt care as he goes outside like everyday to run around and get rid of energy (and to practice volleyball, of course).

also why is it called white blood cells when blood is red ☠️ smh

Buys 101611018320129 bags of chips because that’s his comfort food

yay more gaming time!!!

Noya🐒: Tanaka do u wana play minecraft 2getr latr?

Tanaka🍌: HELL YEAH!!

doesn’t shower for three days straight because screw personal hygiene!! No more school!!! Can do whatever he wanted!! It’s basically summer!!!

until he’s forced to do online school.

Is def the class clown. Probably somehow kicks the teacher out of the call through a little bit of hacking.

“alright guys so i’ll be you’re substitute teacher for the day-“

tbh acts the same as he would in school. maybe a little more rebellious because, i mean, what is the teacher gonna do? send him to DETENTION? call his mOMMY?

Calls/spams literally everyone in his contacts because he’s so bored and lonely. Answer him!! Y’all will be on facetime for hours!!

He’s fun to facetime.

Will call you a loser if you don’t have an apple iPhone because then he can’t facetime you and facetiming is one of his favorite things to do to pass time (besides gaming)

HE A TRUE GAMER

Okay but he lowkey still tries at school for the sake of his grades and his future ;-; maybe calls asahi or sugawara for help??

always looks up his homework on the internet to see if he can get an answer key or something (he did that anyway even before corona but)

will do one subject for 3 hours thinking he’s finally done with everythinf till he realizes he has like 4 other subjects and needs to do those too.

Sending memes all the time

Tsukishima Kei

oh, what about corona again?

honestly could give NO fucks??. like ABSOLUTELY ZERO. nonxistent.

doesn’t even remember it’s still happening half the time.

is surprisingly very knowledgeable about corona.

he’s just smart and sciency¿ so he understands the ins and outs of corona like how it works and how its spread.

so if you tRULY want any update or background info on the corona virius, ask Tsukishima.

bitch don’t touch me you have rabies.

doesn’t care that he’s obligated to stay at home because he would have stayed either way. he very much likes being alone.

might go a little crazy cooped up in his room so he’ll hang with his brother/family or go outside before he says ‘okay that’s enough’ and goes back to his room.

isolation? oh okay *puts on headphones*

he rlly gonna be rocking it out in his room cus he can listen to music all day any day

developes a really bad sleep schedule since he had no way to get rid of the energy he got rid of at school.

still a huge tease so he says everyone has the corona virius.

is never online on social media which means he’s never up to date with his frIENDS. Doesn’t have a clue what those dipshits are doing and could care less (besides yamaguchi,, they probably facetime or call thru skype or something).

I bet the whole volleyball squad has a groupchat and honestly he puts all notifs on mute cus his phone keep goin DING DING DING DI DING ID DID IDKNG DING DIG

Brother: Omg why are you getting so many text messages?

Tsukki: Shut up

if he is online on the gc and he texts it would be simple replies like “Hi” “Okay.” “No.” “Goodbye.” and then he’s gone for another week

every first year is begging on their knees for tsukishima to give the answers or help them out and he obviously says: go do the hw yourselves idiots

besides yamaguchi!!!! again!! cus theyre gay for each other

maybe practices once in awhile with his brother or alone in his backyard but he doesn’t care

Tanaka Ryuunosuke

buys 101817 pounds of toilet paper because everyone else is? but not because of the same reason as asahi. he thinks toilet paper is the cure to corona.

GO STUPID AAAAAAAAA GO CRAZY AAAAAAAAAAA-

probably has a part time job at a grocery store so he still has to go to work 😭 i dont even know how he could have a job in the first place he’s probably always late-

still gamin with noya of course

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM IM PLAYING MINECRAFTT

also buys like all the junk food thats in stock. and since he works at the grocery store he gets a ton of coupons and deals.

texts Kiyoko everyday goodmorning ❤️❤️❤️ and goodnight 😘😘 texts just to be left on read.

“i love it when she ignores me !!!”

scrolls through tiktoks for 1000 hours to pass time

School Is For Losers!!

similar to noya, he thought it was basicaly summer until he realized they were gonna be doing online school. literally had a fit and said he didnt wanna do jack squAt

Laughs so hard when nishinoya somehow kicks the teacher out of the call he’s like laughing so loud and hard he starts crying

all of the sudden has a better view on school

gets excited when he sees nishinoya on the call

makes funny and ugly ass faces when the teacher isn’t looking. everyone laughs and the teacher’s like 🤨

probably uses the green screen effect so he can change hus background (somehow) and accidentally misclicks a file so a girl wit a bikini becomes his background for .5 seconds before changing it to a cursed meme:

doesn’t get half the shit the teacher is talking about

but it’s okay because the half he doesn’t get is the other half noya gets

and the half noya doesnt get is the orher half tanaka gets

they’re two peas in a pod 🥰

until they try explaining it to each other and suddenly get confused?? mental malfunction ¿?

yeah im SMART!!!

s -

m -

a -

r - penis

t -

Daichi Sawamura

quite calm about the whole coronavirus

like he knows it is serious and understands how it is spread but he’s still calm about it??

tells everyone to sanitize and wash hands on a regular. and social distancing!!

honestly still wakes up like he does on normal school days and does all his academics just fine.

he even does gym activities (besides volleyball) for 30 minutes to an hour!!!! he be running on that treadmil! getting stronk!

does each subject on his own for 20-40 min each day. he’s really good at self discipline

makes sure sugawara and asahi are up to date on school work and will gladly help.

sadly can’t help the first years (and probably second years) because that info is deep in his brain and basically forgot how to do it after a year or two of not using it.

VERY VERY VERY sad that volleyball nationals are cut off. this is his last year and for it to be??? gone??? just because of some flu?!?! hates it.

he wishes school to go back and still has hope that school will go back to normal in a couple of weeks (even though it’s a slim chance).

asks the teacher questions whenever he has questions. He’s also vv considerate so he’ll ask questions he knows the answer to but asks them for anyone who’s confused ab it/wants to ask but is too shy. (literally i lov daichi sm)

Eats a healthy amount of everything

asks asahi for any updates on corona even though he’s quite up to date himself. he just wanna make sure he didn’t miss anything.

also doesn’t mind being around his family. he’ll do more chores around the house to help his parents out :> he’s literally perfect wtf

def does worry about everyone in the volleyball gc and anyone else he has contact with. Will also email classmates and ask if they’re doing all right. Even away from volleyball he’s a team player ☺️✌️

Is happy for the rest of the day when asahi tells him dogs can’t get corona.

Yamaguchi Tadashi

oaoaiquqhdkoaiaagadjsiwi?

doesn’t know what to believe anymore

keeps in touch with everyone!! always online 24/7 on social media, vball gc, you name it.

Literally everyone is acting so normal why are people so calm am i the only one worrying about this and the worlds future like this year has been really bad so far for not just me but the whole nation actually the entire world honestly like war almost broke out in january and now this corona stuff is really buttering my crissont the wrong way-

Even though tsukishima literally gives No Fucks, yamaguchi is the complete opposite.

like tsukki and yamaguchi call on skype and eVERY TIME yamaguchi starts with ‘how have you been? do you feel sick at all? have you drank enough water today?’ and so on

“What are you even worrying about?”

“Well...what if you get the corona virius?... it can be deadly, you know!! Thousands of people have died from it!!! The fact school is shutting down and people are panicking is making me feel like i should be panicking-“

Tsukki will then snarkily reassure him it’s fine and people their age are the least likely to get it bad.

Yamaguchi will feel a little better afterwords

“Thank you, Tsukki!”

Tsukki will ‘tch’ it off

Even though he gets really good grades he has triuble finding motivation to do any school work?? doing school work in his own home? 😐

His home was kinda a place he can chill whereas school is a place he can be fully focused

but now his home is ALSO school??!!?

Luckily he understands the work, at least.

When he sees tsukishima on the call, too, he instantly says hello.

“Tsukki!! Hey!! 😁”

“Shut up.”

“Gomen, Tsukki.”

Yeah. Even when they aren’t at school, he’s still the same as always.

He takes extra care of his family and always stays in touch with other relatives. Especially grandpa and grandma. THE SECOND he learned elderly people are at more risk you bet your ass he’s calling them making sure they’re okay. He checks up on them everyday now.

He peobably practices volleyball a little, too. He’s more focused on schoolwork though.

Sugawara Koushi

Have you guys ate dinner yet? 🥺

obviously checking up on everyone

he would fail as a mother if he didn’t.

Actually reads in his free time?? He finally has time on his hands to read these books so.... here we are!

Wakes up at a scheduled time everyday (minus weekends. Maybe sleeps for an extra hour or so).

He dresses in pjs rather than actual clothes because he’s not going anywhere with this social distancing thing.

Always tries to lighten the mood when all the students are on the online call. Maybe crack some joke or innocently play around with the effects.

He still pays close attention in class and does quite well on his own. No help from his parents! He can do everything on his own! He a big boi!

Does homework really well, too. Probably does extra work or more work than needed just because it makes him feel good afterwords.

Honestly i can see him cooking in his free time. If he doesnt feel like reading or scrolling mindlessly through his phone, he gonna cook.

Will make the best cookies in the universe.

HAS A HECK OF A SWEET TOOTH. NOT A DAY GOES BY WITHOUT HIM GETTING HIS PRETTY HANDS ON SUM TREAT

Honestly isn’t too good with exercise so he might gain a few pounds or grow the smallest chub 🥺🥺🥺 he would be so cute omfg.

is realy involved with his family!! they play a board/card game every friday night and have the best time.

if he has a dog, cat, or literally any animal you know he’s gona be hanging with them since he has more time.

Still! Playing! Volleyball! I mean by now every boy is practicing at least a little bit. He would probably be in his backyard playing volleyball with his family. Theyy’d set up a net and everythin! They’re all rookies at it but he still cherishes the moments with them.

It’s honestly still practice. Better than nothing

He talks about how his family plays volleyball and everyone is so jealous like 😭😭 makes him more grateful hearing half the volleyball team saying they have to practice alone.

Watching youtube videos of random videos/vines making him giggling.

“Hey, Dachi, look at this video.”

IS A SWEETHEART STFU !!!

[mtvswatches]

Wynonna Earp 3x03 Colder Weather

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) They’re doing a Dolls retrospective in the previously-on and oh God, it’s going to be one of those episodes, am I going to cry my heart out?

2) Wynonna is sad, drunk, and angry – a dangerous combination. Yep.

3) God, they even changed the music for this episode… They’re really going for emotional devastation, aren’t they?

4) So, the vampire lady that had Doc all tied up in the season opener is back. He called her Countessa, but then she begged him to say her name, and I wonder if this has some other meaning? Like, maybe she needs him to say her name for some spell or something? I don’t know. Anyway, apart from being a vampire, she moonlights as a seer. And she tells Doc that she’d seen a warrior would die – Dolls – and that he should give up trying to get with Wynonna because she loved Dolls, too, and he’d be forever competing with Dolls’ ghost. Ouch.

5) Really, dude?

6) Waverly and Nicole are having a very important conversation that everyone should have with their loved ones – what happens with my remains when I die? I’ve had this conversation several times with different people and they’re all very much aware of what I want to be done with my body, but I guess I’ll be dead and they can do whatever they want and  I’ll never find out. Anyway, Nicole’s wish is to have a sky funeral, which sounds whimsical and cute but it’s actually pretty gross.

7) Uh-oh. Waverly has just found out that her father – well, not her father-father, you know what I mean – had only made arrangements for her mother’s and Wynonna’s burials, not hers… and that’s so unnecessarily cruel? Did they adopt her or were they charged with her? I really need to find out what’s the whole story about Waverly and the Earps!

8) Wynonna is in denial. She continues binge-drinking and shooting Peacemaker, but she’s not finding any peace. It’s Doc who can finally comfort her and convince her to pay their respects to Dolls. They actually comfort each other…

9) Who dis?

10) Waverly is kind of freaking out, saying she’s hungry and how that reminds her that Dolls will never eat again and then she starts laughing (her little breakdown reminded me a bit of Anya’s in The Body…) and Doc then smashes a glass against the wall (kind of like what Xander did in The Body…) They’re preparing a wake for Dolls at Shorty’s, which I guess we’ll end up being more like a sad party with everyone getting drunk and shots being fired because nothing can go right in Purgatory, not even a wake.

11) So, I took an instant liking to Star Hand guy for some reason, and thankfully, he seems to be Dolls’ friend. Doc is demanding evidence, as he should. Question is, how did he find out Dolls was dead? Is he a Black Badge agent, too? Did he come here to say his goodbyes or is he going to be a mainstay? And with this I’m reminded of…

12) Hmm. I have some questions…

NICOLE: My parents were travelling again and they told me I could go to this music festival with my aunt and uncle. Here. WAVERLY: In the Ghost River Triangle? NICOLE: There was an attack. A man in leather. So much screaming and blood. WAVERLY: The demon Dolls killed at the cliff? Bondage Bob? NICOLE: For years, my parents just told me that everybody died in a forest fire and that I had... I had somehow escaped, but... you know, it just didn't explain the nightmares. WAVERLY: Yeah, I've... I've heard them. NICOLE: Last spring, when... Widow Mercedes said his name... Bulshar... it was like this shotgun went off in my head. And Dolls helped me. He got me files, he... he told me that... Black Badge had been covering up these massacres for years. The Cult of Bulshar.

I’m not sure I’m on board with this backstory they gave Nicole literally out of nowhere? And the same demon that committed this massacre is the guy Dolls killed on the hill? The one Waverly names “Bondage Bob”? I just… I don’t totally buy it. I know it could be completely possible for her to have suppressed these memories because of trauma, but… it all feels a bit thrown together at the last minute? Why couldn’t she just be a human, a kickass human but a human nonetheless? Why does she also need a supernatural and traumatizing backstory? I don’t know, I’m still a bit iffy about the whole thing.

13) Will this turn into a supernatural version of “P.S. I Love You”?

14) Obviously, Dolls knew he was going to die, hence the ominous letter. Wynonna takes it out on Jeremy because he knew and he was trying to help Dolls but he didn’t say anything to anyone else, trying to respect Dolls’ wishes. Wynonna feels betrayed, but I don’t really get why? First of all, all of them know they can die at any time, that’s part of the gig, right? So yeah, Dolls being aware of his own mortality shouldn’t be that surprising considering his line of work. Second of all, they all witnessed that this dragon-power was taking a toll on him, didn’t they? Am I crazy? So yeah, Wynonna might have pretended it wasn’t an issue, but she knew, they all knew… I guess it’s easy when you’re mourning someone’s death to have someone to blame, but Jeremy hardly deserves it.

15) So, Quinn, Xavier’s friend, is all chummy with Doc and I’m here for it. Wynonna asks Doc if he knew Dolls was dying, and Quinn is like “duh! Of course, he was!”, which was exactly my reaction. Wynonna is not an idiot, so she had to be in complete denial not to see that he was dying. Anyway, apparently, he was also Black Badge.

16) Oh, great. The fucking revenants stole all the serum Doc had concocted for Dolls and are streamlining it. This should end well.

17) So, Jeremy placed a coded message for Dolls’ friends to come to his funeral. See? How can you be angry at Jeremy?

18) Wynonna wonders why Dolls didn’t attempt to do anything to get better, and the answer is blatantly obvious for both Quinn and Doc – because of her. I’m guessing she’ll take this information to further flagellate herself over Dolls’ death.

19) The vampire lady, Katalin, stole Waverly’s purse, for some reason, maybe she’s a klepto or something, but she didn’t use any of her vampire powers to do it? Like, she just grabbed and took off, awkwardly running in her heels? Kind of disappointing, but also super hilarious.

20) Ay…

21) Waverly enlists Doc to help her get Dolls’ letter back, and they sneak out all secretive, but… it’s a wake with literally 5 freaking guests… I think the three people left will eventually notice they’re gone?

22) “Why torture yourself? I don’t.” HA! Yeah, right!

23) Quinn suggests that Black Badge is not really gone – well, duh – and that they might come to retrieve what’s left of Dolls…

24) Yep. A bunch of jacked-up revenants have just crashed the party. Coolio.

That’s alright, Wynonna’s got it.

25) I do appreciate a good early 00s callback…

26) WTF

27) OMG, Waverly trying to lose it and turn the table but realizing it’s too heavy and then just throwing the cards on the floor and giving a little shout? *chef’s kiss*

28) Oh, shit, Katalin now knows what Waverly is?! What is she???

29) Aw, Nicole just set Wynonna straight, told her that everyone is grieving Dolls just as much as she is and that she should go apologize to Jeremy. I do really love their quiet yet strong bond.

30) Quinn is fucking torturing Jeremy with a goddamn stapler and why does everyone keep treating Jeremy like crap? Quinn wants to get Jeremy’s drugs to become a dragon and storm BB headquarters. Wynonna gets through to him by admitting that she is also haunted by the ghosts of the people she lost, but their best revenge is to go on living. Be brave. Live. For me.

31) Ouch, I didn’t know that something as small as Wynonna giving Quinn Dolls’ badge would hurt like a bitch, but it did.

32) Damn, damn, damn.

That whole scene simply destroyed me. Wynonna finally decided to cremate Dolls’ body to prevent BB from coming after it to continue experimenting on him. And then they bury him, each of them placing a personal item that symbolizes their relationship to Dolls. It fucking devastated me.

33) Waverly asks Wynonna what her plans are for when she passes, casually mentioning that she doesn’t have a spot on the Earp’s burial site. Wynonna doesn’t make a big deal of it, and instead, tells Waverly that they will live for about another 80 years and then, they’ll be buried together at the homestead. That’s all the reassurance Waverly needs. She might not be an Earp, but she’s Wynonna’s sister, and that’s all that matters.

34) Damn, Dolls.

35) Does Katalin spend the whole day playing with her Tarot cards? #quarantinemood

So… she admits that she only stole Waverly’s purse to get Doc’s attention. They have a short conversation about the days of yore and then…

Damn Doc, he can’t just keep it in his pants, can he?

36) That was an emotional rollercoaster of an episode. Dolls wasn’t one of the characters I loved the most, but I understand how important he was to the narrative and to each of the characters, so I’m glad to see he got a proper send-off. I really hate it when shows gloss over the aftermath of a main character’s death and skip forward all the grieving and uncomfortableness of mourning. That being said, this being a supernatural show and all, I’m skeptical that this was the last we’ll see of Dolls. Anything can happen, right?

37) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[fuckingfinwions]

Part 2 of my Feanorian OT8 bullet point fic

One day, a giant eagle lands on Fingolfin’s side of the lake.

Maedhros is rescued!

The message as to what is happening is delivered to his brothers several hours later. The messenger doesn’t linger, and doesn’t invite them.

The six brothers immediately start planning who should go.

They all want to. They want to be closer to whole than they’ve been in years, none of them really want to go and leave the others behind.

But they know that Fingolfin’s people will take their arrival, especially as a group, as a threat.

And there’s the matter of their forbidden relationship. Maedhros is vulnerable, it’s the worst possible time for accusations to spring up.

But they’re all so relieved, keeping their expressions of joy to carefully memorized rules (how long is too long for a hug between brothers? how close is too close? is laying your head on your brother’s chest to hear his heartbeat and reassure yourself he’s alive normal? Kisses on the lips are too intimate, forehead is safely familial, ears and hands are what?) will be painfully difficult.

In addition to  their own feelings, the Feanorians expect Maedhros to be touch-starved.  He will likely seek out their embrace, and they don’t want to reject him  after whatever he’s gone through just to please nosy onlookers.

Maglor says that two should go, one to comfort Maedhros and one to keep watch so they don’t get attacked by someone mad about the Ice. Or walked in on cuddling.

He reluctantly admits he shouldn’t go first, as the politics are unstable enough he needs to stay here and manage their people.

That leaves Celegorm, Curufin, Amrod, Amras, and Caranthir who could go.

Eventually they settle on Amrod and Amras. They’re twins, and no one will be surprised if they refuse to be parted. It's far less of an insult to Nolofinwe than an obvious guard.

Amrod and Amras all also the youngest, and people sometimes see them as overgrown children. They can get away with a lot more touch than the others.

So Amrod and Amras ride out that afternoon, aware but ignoring that Nolofinwe never actually invited them.

No one is heartless to turn away family who haven’t seen their brother in years at the gate. The twins are forced to surrender all their weapons, even their eating knives, but it’s worth it.

Fingon insists on accompanying them to see Maedhros.

Maedhros is unconscious. He is dressed in a tunic that’s both too baggy and too short in the sleeves. His arms are covered with bandages. There’s another across his forehead, and what they can see of his face is bruises ranging from dark red to ugly green.

And there’s the missing hand, which had not been mentioned in the letter. And which has a tourniquet around the arm, so it’s fresh.

Amras asks WTF. This leads to a whisper-shouted argument with Fingon. (No one wants to disturb Maedhros)

Amrod takes advantage of the distraction to approach Maedhros. He sits down on his brother’s left side and holds his remaining hand.

He can’t think of what else to do to reassure Maedhros that he’s not alone, they’re here. Well he could climb in bed and lie down next to him, but Fingon’s there and Maedhros is really obviously injured everywhere - where to painlessly touch isn’t clear.

Amrod starts humming a lullaby, the same one Nerdanel sang them all as children.

Eventually Fingon notices the sound and breaks off his argument with Amras.

“What are you doing to him? The healers already Sang all they dared, if we rush his healing we might still lose him!”

Amrod says “I’m not an idiot,” rolls his eyes, and keeps humming. He starts rubbing Maedhros’s hand in time with it.

Amras explains for him, “It’s not a song of power. It’s just a lullaby, so Maedhros knows he’s safe.”

“I’ve never heard it,” Fingon says suspiciously.

“I’m not surprised, but it’s common with the Aulendir.” Amras is selfishly pleased that there’s something that Maedhros’s best friend doesn’t know about him (besides the obvious).

Fingon glares at them for a while. Amrod is humming. Amras is standing next to him, joining in and occasionally brushing hair that is far too short out of Maedhros’s eyes.

Fingon says, “Are you two just going to sit there until he wakes up?”

“At least.”

“You didn’t care enough to go get him.”

“We cared for our other brothers just as much, and didn’t want them to grieve two of us and Father all at once.”

“The healers say it may be days, or even weeks, until he wakes.”

“Amrod and I can take it in shifts.”

“There’s no spare rooms in the camp, and no space for you to set up a tent.”

“We can sleep on the floor.”

“You’ll get in the healers’ way.”

“On the roof then, we built it sturdily enough.” Sturdy enough for stargazing turning to caressing and more, as it had on their trips across Aman. They hadn’t gotten the chance to use it for that, but they had hoped and planned, and it was shielded from view from the other buildings.

“People aren’t going to be happy about a kinslayer watching them from the rooftops.”

“Then I guess you shouldn’t go up there either. If people are scared of two unarmed elves, they’re cowards in truth.”

“You burned the ships!”

“I did. Amrod didn’t. Maedhros didn’t, and actually tried to argue Father our of it.”

Fingon stopped short at that. “Why would you say that?”

“Because it’s true.”

“You’re just trying to manipulate me so I’ll treat him better.”

“That seems pointless. You already gave him the largest bedroom in the place, with the best view.”

“The healers need access.”

Amrod spoke up. “We’re all on the same side here. We want Maedhros happy and Morgoth defeated.”

“I’m really not convinced you do, given you left him there that long.”

“And you cut of his hand,” Amras said

“He asked me to kill him, when I said I couldn’t free him. A hand seemed worth it.”

Amrod’s hand squeezes Maedhros’s too tightly. His other reaches for Amras, who holds on tight.

“Thank you or bringing him back to us.”

“I didn’t do it for you.”

“But you did it, even if only for yourself.”

“I did it for Maedhros. He is his own person, and doesn’t belong to those who left him to die.” Fingon had made the argument many times to Maedhros, that as much as he cared for his family he didn’t owe them his life. Maedhros always stopped short of explaining how he cared for his family, and why he was wiling to build his life around them as one does a spouse.

“If he wants to stay here, we won’t stop him. But we’ll wait until he’s healthy enough to decide.”

Fingon sighs. “Fine. You will obey the healers, and not harm anyone in this camp. I will see if I can find some spare blankets.”

“We won’t harm anyone who doesn’t try to attack us.”

“There will be a trial if so much as a sprained wrist comes of your stay here. You won’t be treated specially because you’re princes.”

“We never expected it.”

Fingon leaves.

Amrod and Amras stay where they are, and accept the slightly tron blankets he returns with.

That night, Amras carefully climbs into the bed. Amrod holds Maedhros up as he moved some of the mound of pillows keeping the injured brother upright aside and scooted into their place. They settle back down with only one pillow between Maedhros and Amras’s chest, his legs spread out to either side.

“I’ll take first watch,” Amrod said.

Amras sleeps. He’ll have sore muscles, but he’s happier than he's been in years.

Amrod wakes him at first light, and they carefully rearrange the pillows before the healers arrived. The twin lay on the roof for just long enough to dirty their own bedding, not wanting to leave Maedhros alone.

The healers send them both from the room as bandages are changed and wounds are drained. The healers do give a summary of what they did, when Amras and Amrod ask.

Maedhros will survive, and will wake if he feels either in urgent danger or finally safe enough.

Amrod seeps on the floor during the day, cuddling Maedhros’s hanging arm like a teddy bear.

It’s a series of catnaps, as Amras wakes him every time someone approaches the door.

They don’t leave Maedhros alone with any visitors while he’s unconscious.

[itsmyusualphannie]

something wrong in the village

Chapter 2/5: exodus Beta: @candanandphilnot Rating: T Warnings: None Read on ao3

Summary: Fiona Lester has a secret. Dan Howell thinks they hate each other. Dan meets an online friend and comes to realize something important about himself while juggling a changing relationship with his parents, friends, and Fiona.

~~~ previous chapter ~~~ next chapter ~~~

"But Mum!"

"Don't 'But Mum' me!" Dan's mum stood in front of the dining table, fists clenched on her hips like a warrior preparing to charge into battle. "You know what I said yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that!"

Dan slumped in his seat, eyebrows furrowed furiously. His arms were crossed, shoulders hunched as he scowled up at his mum. "I've been planning to go for months! You can't just stop me from going, I have plans!"

"I am not stopping you from going," she barked, "but if you keep on like this, then I will. I said you could go on Sunday and not the entire weekend!" She whirled to her husband, who was sitting demurely as he munched on toast. "Back me up!"

Dan's dad glanced up, gaze flicking between both of their set stances. He sighed. "Dan, just because it's been three weeks since your suspension doesn't mean you're not grounded. I'm sorry, but you should have thought about this before you decided to tussle with a girl. In class, no less."

Dan's mum nodded in approval, but then her eyes narrowed, so he hastily added, "Anyone, I mean. Tussled with anyone."

"Fiona isn't grounded!" Dan burst out, but he shrank back into his seat when his mum's dangerously-slitted gaze swivelled to him.

"You're not going with your friends," she said with an air of finality. "I'll take you up there Sunday morning and you can spend all day there, but you're not staying the entire weekend. That's the day when your favourite band is playing anyway. You'll be home by midnight. And that's my decision. You can either accept it or not go at all."

Dan shoved his half-eaten plate away from him with a clatter, and then he stormed to his room. His lip stung with his effort to stay silent, teeth digging into it. He threw himself down upon his bed once he got there, the surge of fury he'd been maintaining throughout that entire conversation now beginning to fade once he had a few rooms and a slammed door between him and his parents.

This annual weekend festival was the biggest music event of the year, at least for Dan. He had been looking forward to it the instant he'd left last year's festival, head whirling and heart pumping dangerously from the thrill of the drumbeats. He'd planned for months with his friends, their car ride and clothes and snacks sorted down to the last detail. Sure, they weren't all the closest of friends, but they were mates who liked the same sort of music that Dan liked, and that really all that mattered. One of them had an older sister who was going to the festival and she'd offered her car as a ride for the small group of friends, so it had all finally fallen into place.

It was all for nothing, now. Dan couldn't go with them. The comradery of the trip would be meaningless if Dan showed up on the last day of the festival. The others would have already bonded and had fun without him, and Dan doubted that he'd be seamlessly accepted into the group once he'd missed most of the action. Sure, Muse was Dan's favourite band, but they certainly weren't the only band he liked. He'd miss two full days worth of bands and singers.

It was Wednesday, and Dan had been alternating between arguing and pleading for the past week to convince his parents to let him go on Friday. He doubted it would happen now, with only one day between him and the first festival day.

Dan got up and opened his door just to slam it again. His mum's voice rose somewhere in the house, but he flipped the lock and ignored her. He crossed the room and threw himself into his seat at the desk, yanking open his laptop.

It took less than ten seconds to send a quick can't go friday, parents are fucking arses. b there sunday to his mates' group chat, and then he closed it out and resolved to ignore them until the day actually came. A small part of him whispered that maybe, just maybe, they would be glad he wasn't coming. They'd have more fun without him anyway.

Dan opened his browser. With slow fingers, he tapped in a website URL. Before he'd even gotten five characters typed, the browser auto-filled the rest. He had, perhaps, been visiting this website multiple times a day for the past few weeks. It wasn't even a porn website.

It loaded, bright colours immediately assaulting Dan's vision. He blinked away the spots that invaded his sight, mousing over the page to click on the uppermost right corner, a speech bubble that had been revealed after a few mutual messages back and forth with a certain correspondent.

The FRIEND chat function opened. A message was waiting for him, the sender 'amazingphil.' Dan let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and clicked on his chat with Phil.

Agree to disagree, read the message in a bubbly font. or! just agree. think about it: a shiba inu and corgi mix. I'd lose my mind

Dan huffed a laugh without meaning to do so. He hadn't meant to keep talking to this 'Phil,' but he'd been intrigued by the enthusiastic and carefree way the other boy talked. They'd shared many common interests and disagreed on just as many, but both provided topics with which they could converse. Some topics lasted a few days of conversation, while some only a few lines in the chat. Dan had long ago lost his resolve that this was a bot, or that he was simply doing this just to be ironic. He'd never before found it so easy to just...talk to someone.

sure, Dan typed as a response to Phil's message. ngl if i saw a shiba inu/corgi puppy i would die for it

He sent the message, then hastily added, what would the mashup name be tho, shorgi? corgi inu? coriba?

He scrolled back up their chat after sending that one, glancing over their past messages as he went. Dan thought, maybe, if he and Phil ever met, he could probably use some of these as blackmail for eternity.

What's wrong with it? read one of Phil's messages from Monday. it's just easier that way, you don't get crumbs or chocolate all over your fingers

it's HELL. biting into a kitkat without breaking it is just wrong. i don't think i can speak to you anymore

Dan snorted a laugh and shook his head, continuing to go further up through their chat history.

i killed a plant this morning :(

wtf, Dan had replied. This had been last Friday, the first day Dan had begun begging his parents to let him attend the full festival. He hadn't been in the best of moods then, either, but it had at least been better than today.

i didn't mean to! i saw a cute boy and accidentally stepped on a sunflower :((

Dan remembered his hesitation then, his long pause at the open way Phil had typed that. Maybe Phil hadn't found it that easy, maybe he had agonized over the message before sending it. Dan had no way of knowing. Not for the first time since he'd started talking to Phil, Dan had hurt with the desire to see him in person and just talk. He'd replied with a simple wow, disaster

:'( Phil had replied, and that would have been the last message on the topic, but Dan's fingers had suddenly worked faster than his brain and he'd typed disbelievingly, wait, how tf did you step on a sunflower. aren't they fucking massive or summat?

D': it was a baby sunflower!! it's even worse

you're a monster, Dan had typed. His heart had stepped up a few beats as he'd added no more looking at cute boys for you. they're all mine now

nooo that's the only good part of my terrible days, Phil had bewailed, and Dan remembered that he had laughed out of the sheer thrill of it, the casual acceptance of a stranger on the internet.

A ping! sounded from the browser and a tiny alert appeared. New messages! it declared. Scroll down to view them.

Dan scrolled down to view them.

shorgi! Phil had answered Dan's query about the hypothetical mix-breed puppy. no, shinorgi, he'd added a moment later. Even as Dan was reading them, another message popped up. Actually these probably already exist. I'm going to look them up, wiat

wiat, Dan mocked the typo, but he waited. Phil sent a picture a moment later, a beautiful golden-haired puppy with a curling tail. It had a wide smile directed at the camera, eyes bright and intelligent.

I WOULD DIE FOR HIM. WHAT A GOOD BOI, replied Dan instantly, abandoning his aesthetic use of all lowercase spelling.

SAME, Phil enthused.

Dan considered punching his computer or himself, just to get the image of the puppy away from him. Nothing that adorable should exist in this world. Humanity didn't deserve it.

i want to eat him, Phil added.

weirdo, typed Dan, but he knew what Phil meant, and wasn't that the strange thing about all of this? It had been three weeks since they'd started talking, and Dan knew what he meant.

I have to do homework now, popped up another message from Phil. send me some doggo pics to help me through these hard times.

Dan rolled his eyes, but he opened another browser and searched for cute dog pics, and he downloaded them, and he sent them to Phil.

He didn't realize he'd been smiling ever since he'd opened this chat.

~~~

Heat seared the back of Dan's neck as he weaved his way between milling, chattering groups. Music was a dull roar in the background, temporarily drowned out by the loud discussions all around him. The ground thrummed in the beat, beat, beat rhythm of the drums and the crowd's stomps in the Pit Stage.

Dan had just left the Pit Stage. Two of his friends were still there, jostled between screaming fans of The Prettyboys and doing their fair share of jostling as well, but Dan hadn't been feeling the usual buzz that came with listening to furious tunes. It had been just a little too frenzied, so Dan had simple squirmed his way from the heaving, bellowing throng, and made his way outside.

He didn't know where he was headed next. The rest of his friends were in the Dance tent, but Dan had had enough of flailing teenagers doing their best to embody their favourite dancer, so he wasn't going back after the disaster earlier.

"Sorry, sweetie," slurred a pink-haired woman as she bumped into him. Her makeup was sweating under the glare from the sun directly overhead, a more grotesque facsimile of the liquid pooling in Dan's armpits and making its way down his back. The woman disentangled herself with someone's picnic basket on the ground and left Dan, offering him a friendly parting wave and then chugging directly from the flask in her other hand.

Dan swiped ineffectually at the smear of sweat she'd left on his shirt sleeve, but then he gave up and continued on. He would go to the Main Stage, he decided. Muse would start in a little less than an hour and that's where they would be playing, so he might as well.

He'd arrived at the festival only four hours before, his mum dropping him off with a cheerful wave and a "call if your friends can't bring you back tonight!" and then a sterner "and you'd better be home by midnight," but Dan's stamina had worn down quickly. He wasn't sure if it was the lack of time spent throwing himself into every band's time on the different stages, unlike his friends, who had been here since Friday morning, or if it was the suffocating heat, or that he hadn't heard from Phil since yesterday morning. Sure, it had only been one day, but ever since they had started talking, they hadn't missed a day of communication. In any case, Dan's energy had dwindled, his feet ached, his stomach growled, and he wanted to curl up in the shadow of the nearest unused boombox and take a nap.

The grass bristled beneath his feet as he trudged toward the Main Stage. Despite the thousands of people packing it into the dirt beneath their feet, it was stubborn still. A few people had even spread blankets on the grass and were sprawled across them, sunbathing or just resting surrounded by the sparse crowd. Dan was almost jealous, as he could be doing the same if his mum had let him come Friday with the supplies he'd planned, but then, he didn't fully understand the appeal of willingly sacrificing oneself to be roasted beneath the scorching rays when a breeze, albeit a small one, could be obtained by simply walking and flapping his shirt back and forth every-so-often.

The crowds thinned as Dan walked further from the Pit Stage, but began to grow in size again as he neared the Main Stage. He was bumped into with every few steps he took, and while most people weren't as drunkenly apologetic as the previous woman, they let him sidle past.

His phone buzzed as he passed the entrance to the Main Stage. He finagled it from his pocket, wiping sweat on his jeans to swipe at the screen. It was a text from one of his friends to the group chat, asking where everyone was.

Muse in 40 mins! said the message. let's meet at the front b4 we miss good spots.

Dan didn't bother answering, slipping his phone back into his pocket instead. They would find him soon enough, probably.

It wasn't that Dan didn't want to be around his friends, it was that...well, yeah, he didn't want to be around his friends. He had an awful ache gnawing at him, the feeling that his friends were having the time of their lives and Dan was most definitely not having any time of his life. It might have just been that Dan had been looking forward to this for an entire year and the experience wasn't living up to his expectations. Perhaps it was because he hadn't watched Muse perform yet and the experience wouldn't truly begin until then.

 An elbow thudded into Dan's side, interrupting his ruminations. He winced and leaned away, willing to let the person go past him and further into the stage area, but he was only jabbed again, and then once more.

"Ow," Dan finally complained, and he turned toward his assailant, and then. He stopped. He blinked. He breathed. "What are you doing here?"

Fiona scoffed at him. "Everyone in fucking England is at the festival right now, either here or in Leeds. As if I wouldn't be."

Dan recoiled, but he couldn't recoil very far. He hit the mass of bodies and came right back to his original position. "But you - " There was absolutely nothing that could have made this day any worse than it already was. 

"What are you doing here?" Fiona retorted. Her hair was in a high ponytail, but it was bedraggled, falling in damp strands around her face. Moisture beaded on her forehead and upper lip.

She looked disgusting, Dan decided. "I'm in fucking England too, aren't I?" he snapped. Another biting remark was on the tip of his tongue, but a guitar sang noisily in the distance, interrupting him, and the electric twang brought him back to his surroundings and out of his focus fully directed at Fiona.

"I'm not talking to you," Dan decided. He made to turn his back on her, but the hairy chest of a burly man was right in his eye line, so he turned back toward her and crossed his arms instead. "I'm here to have fun," he announced, even though he had not had any of that all day. "You're just going to ruin it, so kindly piss off."

She looked unimpressed. "As if I want to be talking to you, Hobbit boy. I'm just waiting for my friends to get here."

Dan glared. The insult hit home, making its way right to the curls on Dan's head. "I'm waiting for my friends to get here," he said but regretted it as soon as he said it. Repeating what she said was a useless insult. He fished frantically in his mind for something with a little more bite, but Fiona beat him to it.

"You? Friends?" She laughed heartily, clutching her stomach and throwing her head back.

Dan did not look at the long, pale column of her neck. He did not look at the reddening patches of bare arm where her loose, eye-searingly bright shirt left little protection from the smouldering sun. He definitely did not look at the tiny freckles sprouting on her cheeks, prompted by the heat.

When she finished chortling, Dan pointed out, "Your laugh looks so stupid. You poke your tongue out, like this." He demonstrated grotesquely, biting down on his tongue and crossing his eyes.

Fiona just laughed again. "I do not."

She did.

Dan's phone buzzed again. He scowled at Fiona and pulled it out, accepting the escape. It was just another excited message about Muse from one of his friends, but Dan tapped languorously on his phone for a good few minutes, attempting to appear absorbed. He hoped Fiona would leave.

She didn't.

"Why are you still here?" he finally snapped up at her, shoving his phone back into his pocket with more force than it necessarily warranted.

"I literally just told you, I'm waiting for my friends. Besides, it's clearly annoying you. As if I'd go anywhere else when I could annoy you."

Dan sneered at her. She sneered right back.

They couldn't find much else to say, insults exhausted, for now, so they stood in silence, or whatever could be interpreted as silence with the distant scream of instruments and the loud babble of conversations around them. Dan's phone didn't really interest him, but he pulled it out again anyway, checking for updates about his friends' locations or how close they were from him. The closest of his mates was still a few minutes away, caught up in the straggling edges of the massive crowd centred around the Main Stage.

"You like Muse?" Fiona asked abruptly, and Dan almost jumped. He hadn't forgotten she was there, but he had expected her to respect the mutual silence.

"Yes," he said though, shortly, and opened the Tumblr app. He'd only scrolled through a few posts before he was interrupted again.

"What's your favourite album?"

Dan squinted at her. "Why the fuck do you care? What, are you going to find some way to mock me for it?"

She rolled her eyes, clearly unimpressed. "I'm just trying to make conversation, jackass. I'm bored."

"So? We haven't had a conversation in like…" Dan actually had to stop and think about that, "...I dunno, four years. When we talked about how my clothes sucked and then you pantsed me."

Fiona cackled. It was a truly malicious, rolling laugh that made something squirm in Dan's gut. He took it for disgust. It couldn't be anything more. "Ah," she said. "That was funny. You were wearing Winnie the Pooh boxers, I remember. I bet you still have them."

"I don't still have them," lied Dan.

"You do," she assured him. "So what's your favourite album?"

Dan considered answering it, but his suspicions were too great to allow him to freely give away such information. "What's yours?"

"Absolution," she said easily.

Dan did some more consideration and finally, he reluctantly allowed, "Origin of Symmetry."

Fiona nodded slowly, and something hopeful began to sprout in Dan's chest, but it was stifled upon her next words. "Absolution is better."

Dan scoffed and lifted his phone again, ready to continue scrolling, but Fiona added, "But Origin of Symmetry is probably my next favourite. Good taste."

He couldn't help his suspicious glare directed at her. "You're being weird," he finally decided. She was. Their insults were at usual par, but Fiona was acting differently, somehow. Dan couldn't quite put his finger on it. The crinkles around her eyes were less prominent, maybe, or her shoulders might be less tense as she talked to him. Something small seemed to have shifted in her, and Dan wasn't quite sure whether he liked it or not.

Fiona shrugged easily. "'M not being weird," she said. "I'm just relaxed. You can't punch me in a crowd full of people, you'll get tossed out of the festival."

"Neither can you," said Dan.

She waved a flippant hand. "I wouldn’t punch your filthy face anyway, I just did my nails."

Dan couldn't help a disbelieving stare at said nails, but he saw nothing other than the usual chewed cuticles and ragged nails. He would have been truly shocked if she had. Dan had never known her to paint her nails, not once since he'd known her. Makeup didn't seem to interest her either, as Dan had seen her wearing it maybe two or three times. It would be bizarre, he thought, to see her eyelashes as any colour other than their pale golden hue.

Dan wrenched his thoughts from Fiona's eyelashes. What the fuck.

Someone else jostled Dan, squirming past him to sprawl an arm over Fiona's shoulders. He was a little shorter than Fiona, with short red-gold hair and an easy grin that matched Fiona's. "Hey my little dude!" he enthused, rubbing his knuckles over her head and knocking loose another handful of strands to dangle around her face. "Finally found you!"

Fiona shoved him off of her, but a grin had spread across her face at the assault. "Get off, Martyn. Where's Cornelia?"

"She's hauling the cooler. We got beer - " It was at this moment that the man caught sight of Dan watching them, so he hastily corrected himself to " - water, that is," and winked, as if there was literally any liquid other than alcohol or sweat at the festival.

"That's Dan," Fiona said coolly, and made no move to introduce Martyn, but that was fine because Dan already knew her older brother. One couldn't have a mortal enemy without knowing their family members, after all.

"Ah, Dan," said Martyn, and winked again.

"Stop," Fiona complained. She shoved him again. "Go help Cornelia, you nutter."

He left, shouldering his way through the crowd, and Dan barely waited until he was gone before repeating, "Friends," in the same tone that Fiona had used earlier when mocking Dan's friends.

Fiona didn't look intimidated. "Just because they're family doesn't mean they can't be friends, too."

"At least I have actual friends," said Dan, feeling like he was lying once more. This one felt bitter in his mouth, a reminder that he felt utterly alone at this concert. This brief repartee with Fiona was the most alive he had felt in hours.

A shrug. "Whatever floats your tiny little boat," she said. She stood on tiptoe to peer over the people beside her. The gesture only served to remind Dan that, while he stood securely over six feet tall, Fiona was only an inch below him. She towered over most other girls her age, tall and lanky and too clumsy for her own height. It might be considered endearing - if Dan didn’t despise her.

"Ah, there they are," she chirped, evidently catching sight of Martyn and Cornelia. She dropped back down and smirked at Dan. "See you at school tomorrow, Hobbit Howell."

Dan's voice failed him at the worst possible moment, at the time she was finally leaving. He had no witty parting remark, no snappy comeback as she ducked her way between two jostling shirtless guys. He could only watch her leave, mouth gaping uselessly as he floundered for something biting to hurl after her. Nothing came to him, so he had to just stare purposelessly as she vanished from sight.

As if they had been waiting for Dan to be free from the hold of his mortal enemy, two of Dan's friends arrived via a pack of rowdy teenagers, making their way toward Dan. One of his mates reached out and snagged his arm to haul him further inside the Main Stage. "Come on, man, we've got to get a good place before it starts!" he yelled over the growing crescendo of the crowd. 

Dan cast one look back over his shoulder where Fiona had disappeared, and then he followed his mates further into the people crushing ever closer to the stage. A crash of cymbals preceded his entrance and the crowd roared a unanimous approval.

Muse was here.

~~~ previous chapter ~~~ next chapter ~~~

[ansu-gurleht]

okay so i went through the datamined books from eso, taking notes as i went. @boethiah sent me a message this morning about it, asking what i thought. so i figured i might as well get real comprehensive about taking down notes to answer decently, or at least do it to organize my thoughts. 

before she sent me that i hadn’t heard about this, so i went into it bright-faced and intrigued. i didn’t think my notes would end up too long, so i just figured i’d send them to her when i was done, even “talking” to her in the notes (you’ll see what i mean by that). 

but uh. as all things lore-related, i got a bit carried away. stopped almost halfway thru to go to class, and by then i’d started to notice some really weird, kinda silly shit in it. and then i noticed everybody in tesblr talking about it, and finally realized, “oh. so it’s like that.” so i figure i’ll post it here publicly instead.

despite the uh. obvious nonsense in a lot of this, i think there’s a lot of interesting things hidden away. so what i’m going to do is just post my notes under the read-more. i’m too lazy to organize them into something more coherent lol. they’re basically just me commenting on certain lines and stuff. 

i won’t like, really go into why most of this is stupid, bc other people have already done so, and better than i probably could’ve. but you’ll know. somethings i quote things and just. have no idea how to even address them other than, at best, “??????” either bc it doesn’t make much sense, eludes useful analysis, or is just stupid.

anyways, here goes:

book 1:

azura: - "the Path"? am i wrong or has a "Path" never been referenced in khajiiti lore?

khenarthi: - alkosh comforts khenarthi after lorkhaj died? yeah right. - khenarthi's role as psychopomp for azurah mirrors kyne's role for shor. but azura doesn't factor into nord/atmoran mythology at all.

jone and jode: - azurah cares for jone and jode? interesting. (also, "Bright Moons"? full moons?)

lorkhaj: - lorkhaj as "White Lion?" - namiira (the Great Darkness) followed lorkhaj as his burden? - mention of a "path" again, made by lorkhaj with purpose. sounds yokudan. - "in conflict with himself" & "represents the duality of the Khajiiti soul" ... desert and jungle ... strife, hardship, and life, love ... both tainted deadly by nirni, according to ahnissi - "We honor his sacrifice by walking the Path with purpose and resisting the call of the Dark." ... the Path again ... the Dark? namiira? - (the khajiit seem to conflate namira and nocturnal. this isn't a new concept, as they both genuinely do overlap in many ways, but an interesting one.) - "the true spirit of Lorkhaj will sometimes appear" ... "by Azurah" - nerevar/ine, "or Khenarthi" - hjalti, "or by his oldest name" - ...ysmir?

magrus: - all of this magrus stuff is new, to my knowledge. - the importance of him fleeing from "Boethra and Lorkhaj" probably excites you :P - "fell into the Moonshadow" ... "too full of fear to rule a sphere" ... "tore out his other eye" (odin parallel? a "failed" odin, maybe? unless seeing "out of one eye" is metaphorical) - "Varliance Gate"???? "Aether Prism"???? they're the sun, but those names are brand new afaik. overall a strange alternative to the story of magnus and the sun - "Some sorcerers hold that Magrus left the eye willingly" - more odin stuff

book 2:

- azurah knows all the names of all the spirits, their protonyms? that's interesting. a lot of that "protonymic" lore is derived from the whole "true names have power" stuff, popular in magical circles from sources like kabbalah thru the lens of crowley. - "And Fadomai told stories of her children and her favorite aspects of each of them. When she reached Azurah, she smiled and told her favored daughter she could not decide. And Fadomai died." ;----; - "sat in the Great Darkness for timeless ages" ... sat with namiira? - seems to have carved moonshadow from the great darkness. (the great darkness seems to have dual meaning as both oblivion and namiira. then again, i think only clan mother ahnissi said the great darkness was namiira, so that (morrowind) lore might be outdated.) - this scene with lorkhaj and his empty dark heart is......interesting. - "UR DRA NA MII RA UR DRA NA MII RA UR DRA AZU RA" - you can pick out "namiira" and "azura" in this, but the meaning of "UR" and "DRA" elude me. - lorkhaj gets his heart torn out YET AGAIN. very rude azurah - the "Moon Beast" and its hunger remind me of the yokudan sep. - i think once upon the time "dro-m'Athra" referred to daedra in general, but i think eso has made them a specific type of daedra resembling khajiit. even more specifically, some kind of "dark khajiit" born from dead evil khajiit. - "lighting the fire with lanterns of love and mercy" - your vivec is showing, azurah. or i guess, the other way around. - this "ashes of Lorkhaj" bit gets me thinking about ysmir, again. but i'm not sure what to do with that.

book 3

sheggorath: - now THIS is a not shitty interpretation of sheggorath! he's not a "god of madness," but a god of mental fortitude, a god who tests convinction. - more stuff about "the Path" - "must be ... overcome before a Khajiit can visit Hermorah's library"? - "Sheggorath is dead and has been replaced by something Other" - the hero of kvatch? but if this is from eso, that hasn't happened yet? unless the mantling of sheogorath is a pretty common occurrence; i remember someone on tumblr suggested that this might happen every era.

orkha: - "Orkha ... followed Boethra back through the Many Paths" ... what does that mean? - "Lorkhaj, Khenarthi, and Boethra battled the demon in the ancient songs" - ... as trinimac? - "but Orkha could only be banished and would not die" ;) - "serve as tests along the Path" - so far these princes are being painted similarly to their house of troubles counterparts

dagon (also called merrunz.) - no reference to merrunz being the kitty cat. :( next - ...okay not really. "explore the Great Darkness rather than the Many Paths"? - molagh "tortured him until the creation of the World?" but "the wife of Molagh freed Merrunz"? who is "the wife of Molagh"?

molagh (balls) - "twelve Demon Kings"? should probably look into how they got that number - "Boethra and Molagh fought to a standstill before the lattice, but it was Azurah who shackled the Demon King with secrets only she knows." - i dont have anything to say about this really, just an interesting line i think. - "you will overcome him with the might of Boethra, the Will Against Rule." - interesting...afaik, aside from HAVING a khajiit name, boethiah never really factored into their faith that much, and wasn't ever mentioned in clan mother ahnissi. i wonder if azurah at some point attempted to unify her plans for the dunmer and the khajiit.

merid-nunda - interestingly, the khajiit seem to call her by her magna-ge name. - "False Spirit of Greed"? - magrus "loved only himself and his own creations"? idk if this seems all that congruent with the magrus from his own description - "cold spirit, born of light without love" - interesting - "blame her for orchestrating the death of might Lorkhaj"??!?!?!? what?????????? - "When Merid-Nunda dared assault the Lattice, Azurah struck her down before the Varliance Gate and dragged her away from it. She then cast Merid-Nunda into the Void and bound her there with mirrors. The nomads say she has since escaped." this whole thing is interesting

book 4

nirni: - nothing interesting on nirni.

y'ffer: - y'ffer "corrupted by the Great Darkness," (namira), who apparently killed nirni???!??! what??????? - worth noting that ahnissi doesn’t paint y’ffer as “corrupted” or evil or anything. in her words he’s kinda just a moron who doesn’t *get it* and does his own thing instead.  - don’t get the obsession with making namiira some like. crazy super evil being. feels like eso took a look at the list of princes and was like “who hasn’t tried to destroy/take over the world yet. that’s what daedric princes do right”

hircine - hircine doesn't get a funny ta'agra name, i guess. - graht-elk?

hermorah - hermorah helps azurah maintain the ja-kha'jay?

sangiin - according to what this says about sangiin, khajiit are actually NOT one of the most hedonistic races on tamriel. suuuuuuuuure, buddy.

book 5

- a look at the khajiit afterlife w/ azurah in moonshadow. - first you walk the sands, then you walk the glass, then you walk the thorns, then you have a good time, then azurah sends you back to nirn do something else (reincarnated)? but it might just be this one guy who goes off to do something ("Bring my children back"), he seems kinda special. no idea who he's supposed to be.

book 6

- all this shit about akha and alkosh and alkhan is bullshit. the fuck is akha even supposed to be? according to his name you'd assume an association with akatosh, but alkosh is akatosh, right?

akha: - this book says akha is the first cat. ahnissi says alkosh is the first cat. - "Pathfinder and the One Unmourned" - are we talking about akatosh or dagoth ur here. - "Many Paths"??? again?? what are they. knockoff walking ways? - "mated with the Winged Serpent of the East [akavir], the Dune Queen of the West [yokuda], and the Mother Mammoth of the North [atmora]. He then went to the South [pyandonea] and never returned." then alkosh shows up and says "yikes that akha guy was a little fucked huh?"

alkosh: - alkosh is "The Dragon King" and "Highmane." association with the Mane of the khajiit - "In time, the children of Akha overthrew [Alkosh] and scattered his body on the West Wind." ...??? is this a reference to the middle dawn? seems unlikely - apparently khenarthi put him back together. also seems unlikely

alkhan: - oh so the khajiit recognize alduin now too. cool.

boethra: - and boethiah i guess, why not????

mafala: - mafala has always been part of khajiit religion, tho, afaik. she is the og clan mother. - "She watches over Eight of the Many Paths, each of which a Khajiit must walk in time." ?????????? wtf are the many paths!!!!! why are there eight of them!!!!!! is this a reference to the spiral skein, or satellite realms (the spokes) of it? - forreal i think they gave up on pretense here when they started listing allies and shit. - "Her numbers are Eight and Sixteen, and these are two of her keys." this just sounds like something from the 36 lessons tbh. this doesn't sound like khajiit lore at all

book 7

lorkhaj (moon beast): - confusingly, lorkhaj as fadomai's favored son and lorkhaj as the moon beast are called by the same name, and despite this have separate entries in these books. - wonder if there's some equivalent in other myths to the moon beast. he seems pretty interesting, being "born of the dark heart of Lorkhaj" - there's UR DRA again, attached to namiira, again, who is apparently an enemy of the khajiit.

namiira: - apparently eso has rebranded namiira as like, an absolute enemy of the khajiit, with the dro-m'athra as her corrupted-khajiit minions or something? except i thought dro-m'athra originated from the moon beast? anyways, ahnissi only said that the great darkness became namiira. didn't say that was a bad thing necessarily. - also, her khajiiti ta'agra name, namiira, just so happens to be her protonym, NA MII RA.

noctra: - oh, so they do have nocturnal, as "noctra". - wait, so she's the "daughter of twilight"??? isn't twilight, idk, azura's thing???? (i feel like i've heard nocturnal be associated with twilight before, but it still makes little sense. it was probably from eso, too.) - boethra separated noctra from namiira. one could say she *stole* noctra from namiira ;) - noctra is ok by the khajiit, whereas her progenitor namiira is not. ok?

varmiina: - ok we have vaermina now too i guess. why the fuck not. - "The Lost Daughter. This spirit was not of any litter, but was born from Fadomai's fear of losing her children." - "Azurah killed this dark spirit in the Underworld" what the fuck is "the Underworld". they just be making shit up now

[?????] (no, really. that's what it says. dunno if that's a placeholder or intentional): - "[?????] A spirit of vengeance. It has no will of its own, as it was born from Azurah's grief after the death of Fadomai and Lorkhaj." ????? - "It sometimes appears in songs as a black panther, a warrior in ebony armor, or as a hidden sword." idk about "a black panther," but the "warrior in ebony armor" evokes ebonarm, who's technically still canon, and "a hidden sword" could be umbra. not sure what the connection here is.

[pandemicthestory]

2: named

Someone needs something from Emma. One day, she’ll need something from him too.

“Well Emma, there’s something to be said for a small liberal arts college instead of a big university.” 

Boring. Why the hell are her parents talking about college at the dinner table, when the world is literally ending anyway? Emma stares at her little sister Isabel across the table, who’s full on editing a tiktok. Must be nice to have nothing expected of you except 15-second dance routines.

“Why’s Isabel allowed to be on her phone? While I listen to this totally irrelevant information? Whatever, we’re all gonna die anyway.”

Emma’s mom sighs, exhausted by this child of hers. “Can we just TRY to have a normal meal with a normal conversation?” As Emma’s dad starts talking about student loans, *eye roll*, her mind wanders back to that mysterious map she was sent. Or was it even a map? Should she message the sender back, or was this some kind of prank? Part of Emma really doesn’t want to get involved with the idiots from her school who would do something like this to waste her time. 

...Unless. 

Unless it was something else. Or, someone else.

She needs to stop thinking about it. 

Except, she can’t. Who is this person and what do they want from her?

“Mom, can I go upstairs? I know we’re having a Brady Bunch moment and all but, I have to turn in one last assignment.” 

There goes her mom’s eyebrow raising the roof again. “You’ll come down as SOON as you’re done, right?”

Right. 

She bolts upstairs. 

The laptop flies open. 

Those 7 words from the message…

Before you run away, come find me 

The only person who knows about her plan to run away is Him. 

Him being Julian DeRose. The one who always remembers to hold the door for her but rarely to text back. The one who bites her ear but not too hard. The one? Who knows. Dammit, Julian. He better not be wasting her time, as he loves to do, just about every single day. Isn’t it enough that she’s giving up everything for him?  

Then again, he wouldn’t think of something like this. Julian is a lot of things--cocky, passionate, sexy, smart--but he’s simply not an evil mastermind. And anyway, he’s running away too. They are in it together. No, it can’t be him. 

Then who?

Well whoever they are, they are apparently online now. 

The little green “online now��� circle next to the message is getting inside Emma’s head. She could just message them. Well why not?

Emma examines the map again. She realizes that the only way to get an answer is to ask for one. And so, she composes a direct message in response. Just one short sentence.

ADMIN_E: How am I supposed to find you if I don’t know who you are?

Send. 

She exhales.

But then, the message is read. 

Oh god. 

“Emma, what’s taking so long?” Her dad calls from downstairs. Like he even cares, he’s just trying to score points with her mom after being totally absent for the past year. Anyway. 

“Just a second!” 

But Emma needs more than a second to deal with this. They’re typing.

A new message.  

GUEST55: you’ll figure it out 

ADMIN_E: What does that mean? Do you go to Harrison??

GUEST55: You have to find me first if you want any more answers  

ADMIN_E: But I can’t leave my house because of quarantine!! Wtf is going on

GUEST55: you’ll figure it out. Just hurry. And don’t leave with that guy

Emma’s head spins. Who the hell can this be? And how much does he know about her? Should she be scared?

Her mom calls from downstairs: “Emma, NOW.” 

*buzz*

A text from Julian, of all people, at all times. 

JULIAN: thinkin about u 

Emma picks up her phone to respond...but she receives another message on the computer before she can do so. 

GUEST55: don’t answer that. He can wait

ADMIN_E: ok now you’re starting to scare me. What the hell is going on? Are you watching me?

GUEST55: no, no...Emma, I promise i’ll explain everything. Just not yet 

ADMIN_E: Ughhhh. Just tell me, this is a map right?

GUEST55: Good. You’re on your way

Emma exhales. What is happening right now?

GUEST55: I’ll see you soon Emma.

ADMIN_E: See you, um, well see you 

GUEST55: Mason.

?!?

Emma slams her laptop shut again. She should probably take out a warranty for how often she slams this thing. Her phone buzzes about five more times, but she’ll get back to Julian later. Hopefully it’s not important...is he ok? Ugh, not right now. She needs to focus. 

Ok so, a map. Mason. So this mystery person is a guy? Is he her age? Huh. The only person smart enough to figure this one out has to be Zoe. Aside from being first in the sophomore class, she has a knack for nailing down mysterious guys and making them explain. At least, hopefully. Because if Zoe can’t help her, Emma has no idea who will. And Mason said to hurry. 

Yes. Emma will facetime Zoe, who will be able to figure out who this Mason is, and where in the world he’s hiding. 

“RIGHT NOW.” 

But that conversation will have to wait.

[shireness-says]

If I Could See Your Face Once More (1/6)

Summary: This time, there's no celebration at Granny's when the latest crisis has been resolved. Instead, they're left to deal with the body of Killian Jones. A 5B canon divergence where Killian dies in Camelot, never becoming a Dark One. Rated T for language. Also on AO3. ~4.3K. 

Here it is - my contribution to @csmarchmadness! Thanks to @xemmaloveskillianx for organizing such a great event! I started writing this 2 years ago, before it got way out of hand and I ran out of steam. The next chapter will be posted on the 13th. 

If you guys have talked to me for any length of time, you know I hate 5B. Hate it. Why all this Zelena/Hades stuff? Isn’t this supposed to be about saving Killian? Wtf? So here’s my take on 5B, featuring Liam not being a murderer, no Gold at all, Robin not dying, and so many other corrections. I have a lot of feelings about this, guys. Title taken from the Kodaline song that gave me these feelings in the first place (”All I Want”).

Special thanks to my beta, @snidgetsafan, who’s been surprisingly happy to deal with all this angst and dragging me through the writing process. You’re the best, babe. 

Tagging: @thejollyroger-writer, @captainsjedi, @profdanglaisstuff, and @ultraluckycatnd. Shoot me a message if you want to be added to the list!

Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think!

This time, there’s no celebration at Granny’s when the latest crisis is has been resolved.

There’s just Emma, re-forging Excalibur with shaking hands to trap what’s left of the Dark One inside the blade, removing it from a human vessel once and for all.

Then, of course, they’re left to deal with the body of Killian Jones.

------

When Killian steps off the boat into the Underworld, it’s a small consolation to see Liam waiting at the docks for him.

It’s somehow fitting that the first words he hears from his brother in nearly three hundred years are “Little brother!” as he smiles sadly and pulls Killian into a fierce hug. And even if Killian tosses back a half-hearted “younger…”, he can’t help but squeeze even tighter, just to savor this reunion.

When the two finally break apart, it’s Liam who speaks first.

“I’ve been waiting so long for you, Killian. I can’t tell you how good it is to see your face again.”

“I know, believe me, I know,” he replies, before realizing something. “How did you know I was coming?”

Liam looks a bit sheepish and moves to scratch behind his ear in the same way Killian does (the same way Emma calls “adorable”). “Ah, well… you see, the captain’s log aboard the Jewel has kept me apprised of your life up above - the most painful moments, to be precise. A form of penance, I suppose. When the entries cut off abruptly after you got hurt in that swordfight, though, I got worried. So when a new house appeared down here... I couldn’t resist going to check it out, just in case it was yours.”

Killian knows immediately which one he’s talking about. “Grey Victorian? Tower room?”

“That’s the one. I walked in, saw pictures of you and your lovely wife, and figured one of you would be showing up in the next couple of days. Even if it was your lady instead of yourself, I thought I should still check in on her and find out how you were doing.”

Killian’s heart sinks as soon as he hears the word “wife”. He hates to disillusion Liam of this idea that he’s been living some idyllic life, but it will hurt too much in the long run to pretend, even for a little bit. So he forces himself to whisper back, regret coloring his voice, “I’m not married, brother.”

Liam frowns. “I’m sorry, I just thought… there was a picture of you two dancing. She was in a white dress, you looked dressed to the nines… I just assumed…”

Killian cuts him off before he can go any further. “It’s quite alright, we just… it was a maybe, someday.” He pauses. “I guess not anymore.”

“And the house?”

“We were planning on living there together. Building a future. But again…”

“Not anymore.” Liam nods. “Well, whatever would or wouldn’t have happened, the house appears to be for your use down here. Come along, I’ll take you there.”

------

The house Liam brings him to appears to be a perfect replica of the one Henry and he picked out back in Camelot, just more run down. What little furniture is present is covered in drop cloths and feels stiff and painful. Of course, those observations are secondary to how his attention is immediately drawn to the two photos in the entryway – the one from Camelot that Liam described, and the tiny instant photograph the Lady Snow took the night of their first date. Emma’s beautiful pink dress had made her look like an angel of some kind, and he can just see his temporarily-restored left hand resting on the small of her back. It’s a little bittersweet, seeing those images in this place that might have been home, but he’d rather they were here than not.

Liam, as it turns out, lives on the Jewel of the Realm (and it’s definitely the Jewel here, not the Jolly – beautiful and pristine and not marred by centuries of unintentional gouges from his hook) and runs the local bar, where he promptly offers his little brother (“Younger!”) a job. Turns out this was the only place at which he could find employment when he first arrived, and when the previous owner moved on, ownership transferred to Liam.

“And why have you never been able to move on? Go, be happy and at peace?”

Liam smiles sadly. “I was always worrying about you, wondering how you fared. Felt too guilty about not listening to you, I suppose, making you watch me die like that.”

Whether intentional or not, Killian can’t help but feel a pang of guilt at the fact that his brother has been trapped here because of him. Gods, will his list of sins never end?

But Liam breezes on. “Now that you’re here, though, I think I’ll be able to move on, just as soon as we sort your unfinished business. Any idea what that might be?”

That only twists the knife deeper. Of course he knows what his unfinished business is, and it’s nothing that can be sorted out in a few weeks. It’s promising Emma a happy ending and a future – hell, just promising her that he’d survive. “Ah, well, we’ll both be here for a while then.” Liam quirks a quizzical brow. “I made a vow I ended up not being able to keep. So until Emma either moves on or…” He can’t even speak the words, refuses to even contemplate Emma dying and joining him down here for many, many years yet. “… then I’m stuck here. Which apparently means so are you.”

That feels like the worst admission of all – that he’s somehow doomed everyone he cares about to a lifetime of misery. And when Liam pulls him into a hug that he’s sure is meant to be comforting, he can’t help but feel that he doesn’t deserve that kindness, not one bit.

------

Killian quickly settles into a routine, if only in an attempt to retain some semblance of sanity. Every evening, he joins Liam to work behind the bar at the Underworld’s version of the Rabbit Hole (though down here, the bar seems to cater to those drinking to forget, rather than serving as the social hub it was back in the real Storybrooke); every morning and early afternoon he tries to fix up their – his house a little more, straightening hinges and sanding floors as best as he can. A man learns a good bit of carpentry over years of maintaining a ship; the only thing holding Killian back oftentimes is his lack of proper tools. Liam’s assistance is often offered, but rarely accepted; somehow, Killian feels like this is a task he must accomplish on his own.

Besides being in a state of complete and utter disrepair, the house additionally seems to have a mind and a life of its own. Killian simultaneously loves and dreads the surprises the house conjures up for him. The metal table and chairs on the back porch are an exact match to the set outside of Granny’s where he and Emma shared their first real kiss; a constant smell of cinnamon lingers in the kitchen, despite there not being any of the spice in the house; Middlemist flowers wilt, half dead, in the front flowerbeds. The tower room upstairs must have been meant for Henry in another life, as all of the photographs that appear there are of the two of them or of him, the lad, and Emma. He even finds the Author’s pen in a drawer of the desk beneath the window. This is, oddly enough, the room that hurts the most – a vivid reminder of the life they all might have had. Yet he still finds himself checking the room nearly every day, sometimes twice a day, to see if any new memories have appeared of him and the young man he was looking forward to one day proudly calling his stepson.

------

Every few days, he allows himself to visit the red talking phone box to try and send a message to Emma. There’s no real knowing if any of it reaches her, but he repeats the same words over and over again anyways:

“I’m so sorry, Swan. I’m so very, very sorry to have left you, especially after I promised I wouldn’t. I’m so sorry and I love you so incredibly much, will love you as long as I have a soul to do so.”

(He can’t decide if it hurts more to talk to her or to stop.)

------

A few weeks after he arrives in the Underworld – he thinks three, but really, time runs together down here – there’s a persistently circulating murmur that the former Dark One, Rumpelstiltskin, had been brought here, brought to the Underworld to answer for his sins, before being taken back to the world above by Charon on the very same boat.

Killian knows it’s petty, and far too late anyhow, but he can’t help but feel like he deserves a second chance more than the Crocodile ever could.

Maybe that’s the reason – when given the option of a second chance, a shot to redeem himself, Killian grabbed it with both hands and made the most of every moment. He was satisfied. He was happy. Rumpelstiltskin hasn’t achieved any of that. Apparently, someone thinks he deserves all that just once.

Whatever the case, Killian knows he’d have given anything to be the one going home – back to his real home – on that boat.

------

Maybe a week after that, Killian is shocked one afternoon to feel a strange tingling all over his body, and when he looks back up, is stunned to see himself not in his kitchen, but in Storybrooke’s cemetery with Henry standing in front of him. In his joy, he rushes forward to embrace Henry… only to be devastated to see his arms pass right through his boy.

Henry looks just as crushed. “It’s only temporary,” he explains softly. “I got this ale stuff from Merida to talk to you.”

Killian nods. “That was very resourceful, lad.” A pause. “How are you doing?”

Henry shrugs noncommittally; Killian knows the feeling. “Ok, I guess. I miss you. We all do.”

“I miss you too, Henry, you and your mum. More than I can properly express.”

“She misses you like crazy, you know. Kinda just goes through the motions like she’s in a daze. I guess she imagines your voice sometimes, cus that’s what she always tells me when I walk in on her crying.”

(In that moment, Killian vows to stop visiting the talking phone box. It’s clearly hurting her more than it’s helping him.)

Henry looks worried for a second. “Are you doing alright? You’re not… it’s not like pits of fire down there, is it?”

Bless this wonderful boy for worrying about a man who can’t possibly deserve it. “I’m ok. I’m with my brother, get left alone most of the time. I wish I was up here with you lot but it’s not so bad, being dead.”

Henry nods, and Killian’s heart breaks a little more at the thought of having left this young man concerned about him for even a moment. Henry shouldn’t ever have to be in position where he has to think about what happens to the soul of one of his loved ones after they’re gone. He’s already had to do it with his father; the last thing he ever wanted was to put Henry through that pain again.

Henry seems to finally work up the courage to get to his point, the reason he summoned Killian. “Gold woke up the other day. We all thought he wouldn’t, and I think my moms kinda hoped he wouldn’t, but he did.”

Killian nods. “I know. I heard down in the Underworld.”

“It’s just so unfair, you know? That you don’t get another chance too. I know more people would want you back.”

“Ah, but we don’t get to decide these things, lad. You have to know that if it was up to me, I’d be back with you two in a heartbeat. I’d choose you every time.”

“I know.”

Another pause. It’s like there’s so much to say that neither even knows where to start.

Killian breaks it first. “I take it you’re back in Storybrooke then?”

“Yeah. Mom used…” His voice falters. “Mom used your heart to cast the Dark Curse. She and my other mom and the fairies and Merlin are trying to figure out how to send the Camelot folks back now.”

“Does she know you’re here?”

“No. I just thought…” Yet another pause. “I figured if this didn’t work, I didn’t want to get her hopes up. She’s already sad enough as it is.”

Selfishly, he wants to beg Henry to go bring her here as fast as possible, but he can feel whatever this spell is about to fade out, a tingling starting in his toes. Not to mention, the lad is right. No need to torture his love unnecessarily. He wants her to move on, be happy, and that’s just not possible if she’s coming to summon him every chance she gets.

“I think that’s smart, lad. Maybe we don’t tell her? Just keep this between us?”

He can tell Henry wants to object. “But –“

“It’ll be too hard otherwise. For both of us. I just want her to move on and be happy, yeah?” At least this time, Henry nods. “I think I have to go now, but I love and miss you both so much, ok? Try to be happy for me?”

He won’t lie – it hurts a lot that his last view of Henry before he reappears in his kitchen is of the lad sniffling and trying to hold back tears as he waves goodbye.

------

Not long after his talk with Henry, Killian is shocked to walk past a previously empty room of the house one day to discover a fully furnished nursery. Mostly, he hopes to any god that might be listening that this is just another trick of the house, another glimpse of what he could have and should have had, had he lived. He hopes Swan isn’t having to go through a pregnancy alone again.

(A selfish part of him likes to imagine she has a little someone to remember him by – a little lass or laddie with her hair and his eyes.)

(He can’t help but add that thought to the ever-expanding list of reasons to be disgusted with himself.)

------

About two months after his death, Killian is once again summoned by Henry, who is pacing and clearly furious when he rematerializes.

Internally, Killian can’t help but huff a sigh – Henry needs to move on, needs to let him go, needs to not try and contact him every time something goes wrong. “Henry…” he starts, intending to reprimand the boy, when the young man in question colorfully interrupts.

“That son of a bitch!”

“Henry, language! I know for a fact neither of your mothers tolerates that.”

“Well pardon me, but that asshat Gold separated Excalibur and took back the Darkness, so I think it might be warranted.”

“That son of a whore,” Killian can’t help but blurt out. So much for scolding Henry.

“See?”

This talk ends up being slightly longer than the last – Henry just needs to vent, but when it comes to the Crocodile, there’s always an awful lot to vent about. But right before he fades out, Henry fixes his full attention on Killian.

“I’m going to find a way to bring you back, okay? If he gets to live, so should you. You deserve it a million times over.”

(He knows he no longer has a heart, but somehow, it still feels warm anyways.)

------

The next few weeks, he can’t help but feel hopeful. It must be apparent, because Liam keeps commenting on how cheerful he seems, one day even (Gods help him) catching him whistling. Killian even finds himself making an effort to interact with the other souls living in the Underworld. In the end, that’s how he meets Milah again.

It’s bittersweet, really. Killian spent hundreds of years trying to avenge his first great love, only to see her again and realize how many of the finer details he had forgotten. He supposes that’s what happens when you finally move on.

At least he’s relieved to learn that Milah’s unfinished business has nothing to do with him (one less thing to carry on his conscience). In fact, it’s her guilt over leaving Bae that has kept her here all this time. It’s the very least he can do to tell her about all the times he and Bae – or Neal – interacted, how Bae had still fiercely loved his mother and forgiven her for leaving before he had died. That seems to be enough for her – to know that her son had ultimately been happy.

It’s a little awkward, telling Milah about how he had moved on with Emma (especially since he had been dating the former lover of his own former lover’s son), but she loves hearing his stories about Henry – how smart and down to Earth he is, how brave, how adventurous. It’s a pity, really, that the two will never meet – he sees so much of Milah in her grandson, and thinks the two would have gotten along famously.

“Thank you,” she tells him, as she kisses his cheek. “I’m happy you were able to find a family for yourself. You and your big heart deserve it, even if you want to pretend otherwise.”

Then she vanishes, off to hopefully meet her son in a better place.

------

Five weeks after Henry’s second visit (this time, Killian is counting carefully), he’s summoned for a third time to find Henry looking exhausted and disheveled.

“Gods above, lad, are you alright? What happened?”

“Don’t worry. Long story.”

“Well then summarize.”

“Uh… Belle found out about Gold taking back the darkness. Broke up with Gold. Found out she was pregnant. Then Gold found out she was pregnant, and tried to manipulate her to come back to him, but she didn’t. So he sped up Zelena’s pregnancy so we’d be distracted while he tried to kidnap Belle to another realm. And I’ve been researching all the while.”

“Is she alright? Is everyone alright?”

“Yeah, Belle’s fine. Mom and Mom figured out what was going on pretty quick and Mom – Regina and Gramps went after him while Mom held down the fort at the hospital. That’s what I’m here about actually – Merlin and I found a spell to get to the Underworld. It required the blood of someone who had already been but came back, but Gramps nicked Gold before he fell through the portal, so we’re all set now. Just have to wait a few days, six days, for the full moon and then we’re coming to get you.”

Killian knows he should be grateful, but his blood runs cold when he hears the words. “No, Henry, you can’t, I can’t let you put yourself in danger for me. I’m already dead, I can’t let you risk getting yourself killed to fix something that isn’t meant to be fixed.”

“I don’t care. I miss you, Mom’s miserable, so I’m going to get you back. End of discussion.”

And, well, who is he to argue with the young man who possesses the Heart of the Truest Believer?

------

Of course, it’s too much to hope that everything will run smoothly and he’ll be home in a week. Instead, Hades shows up in all his slimy glory. Apparently, Killian’s hope is a little too contagious - enough that the Lord of the Dead himself has noticed and deemed it a threat to his rule.

Instead of waiting in his house for his Swan and their boy to take him home, he gets taken to Hades’ underground cavern of a dungeon to have the hope beat out of him.

------

Briefly, through a haze of pain and a coating of blood, Killian thinks he feels himself being summoned again, thinks he catches a glimpse of Emma and all her – their – family, but he writes it off as a hallucination.

------

And then suddenly, he’s being lifted down from the chains he’s strung up in by a pair of small, gentle hands.

Emma.

He’s half delirious with pain, but he can’t help but try and grin when her face swims into focus (or at least as much focus as he can achieve with one eye swollen shut). She’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, even in filthy jeans and an oversized sweater with a pale face and tears in her eyes.

It’s the very least he can do, after all he’s put her through, to work through the pain to try and wipe away her tears.

------

Somehow, Emma helps him hobble out of the chamber where he had been suspended to an outer landing where Liam is waiting with a boat, ready to return them both to the upper levels of the Underworld.

(There's some tension between the two, but it’s difficult to comment on that tension when he has to consciously focus on breathing properly and not falling over.)

Killian is more than happy to mask any physical pain, however, when upon re-emerging into the Underworld’s facsimile of a library, Henry rushes up to wrap him in an enormous hug. He may not be fully healed for a while, but this? This is a start.

He’s just as touched to see the small crowd assembled behind the lad – Emma’s parents are there, of course, and he’s not that shocked to see Regina, considering that it was her precious son that engineered the plan to find and retrieve him, but it’s something more of a surprise to see Belle and Robin as well. He shakes the men’s hands in turn, offers a nod to Regina, and hugs Belle as firmly as his injuries will allow (taking the chance to whisper a soft but deeply meant “congratulations” in her ear). Killian then does his best to console the lady Snow – who looks close to tears – with a mumbled “it’s not as bad as it looks” as she holds his face to kiss his cheek before Emma interrupts to say she needs to bring him home and clean him up. At that, the others disperse, either to the Charmings’ loft or the Mayor’s mansion, as his Swan slides her slender arm around his waist and tosses his arm over her shoulder in order to help him hobble the few blocks back to his – their house.

It’s only once she gets him inside and settled in a kitchen chair – “I know it’s unsanitary, but hey, better than getting bloodstains on the couch, right?” – that Killian starts to think something is off. He hadn’t been too surprised when Emma wasn’t clinging to him in front of her family; on the best of days, she isn’t much for public displays of affection (or “PDA”, as she and Henry insist on saying), and a time when he needs help holding himself up certainly isn’t the best of days. But they’re alone now, and he’s sitting down, and damn if he doesn’t want to hold her. Killian knows it’s not the blood that’s the issue – he may be covered in the stuff, but so is she after supporting his weight for the past forty-five minutes, and it doesn’t seem to be fazing her in the least. Maybe before, his lack of self-confidence would have insisted Emma didn’t actually want to be here, didn’t want to be with him, but the way she tries to touch his face or his hand every time she passes him as she scurries around his kitchen trying to clean off the worst of the blood seems to suggest otherwise. So why doesn’t Emma seem to want him to hold her? It could just be that she doesn’t want to hurt him further, aggravate his wounds, but something makes him think otherwise.

“Love?”

She hums in his general direction.

“What’s wrong?”

Emma shoots a quick, though tight smile his way before turning back to the sink, trying to wring out a rag that was surely as clean as it was going to get. “Nothing’s the matter babe, don’t worry about it.”

He wants to believe her, so badly, but he knows how to spot her avoidances. And this? This is one of the most obvious he’s seen. “Emma, love…”

Killian holds out his hand towards her, and even if she was trying to avoid him a moment ago, she takes it like their palms are connected by magnets. “I’m just so relieved to have found you, to see you again. That’s all.”

“Even if that’s true, I know that’s not all,” he replies, to her half-hearted scoff. “You don’t have to tell me right now, but just let me hold you, love, let me try and make it better for both of us, yeah?”

As he tugs her closer, Emma tries to protest, tries to tell him “Killian, I don’t think that’s a good —” but he’s even quicker to interrupt.

“If this is you worrying about my injuries, sod the injuries,” he dismisses as his hand and stump move to her waist in order to pull her closer, only to unexpectedly encounter firmness.

Now Emma has always been strong and well-muscled, certainly, but she’s also a tiny, petite thing, thanks to her mother’s genes. So to encounter her now, more filled out, is odd. And suddenly, Killian remembers –

Upstairs, there is a room, meant to be a nursery.

“Swan…” he murmurs, slowly pulling up her sweater as she sighs in defeat to reveal…

…The small beginnings of a bump.

“…Surprise?”

[loverontheleft]

Angel

So apparently with the new update, I can’t fucking edit text posts?? (It would let me click edit but I couldn’t actually make any changes - wtf @staff??? That’s insane)

Anyway. I deleted the original and fixed a punctuation error and here’s the new, complete version.

By request kinda: Uhhhh I have a request based off of the most recent picture you reposted by @panicattheforeheadsblog.. I get such dom energy from that picture and I can't handle it. I'm just thinking so he's live on twitch talking to his fans about tour and stuff, and the reader wants his attention really bad so she creates a Twitch account with a username that makes him know that it's her, but not any of the fans. Then the reader starts teasing him, begging for him. When he sees it he tries to ignore it but she knows he knows and starts messing with him more. Until he finally says he needs to sign off for the night. He comes into the room and punishes her for acting out and gets all dom 👌. Lots of spanking 👀☕ Sorry if that's too specific I'm in a place and I got carried away 😂😂

Brendon x reader

Word count: 3.6k

Warnings: Thigh-riding, oral (both), sex, spanking, language.

For @panicsinning and @theuriearchives because I owe them and they’re both wonderful creatures whom I and Brendon adore.

-||-

“Y/n.” His eyes flash behind his glasses as he pauses the stream. “I know that’s you. Stop it.” His composure breaks and he grins. “You’re being so bad, baby.” His voice is a low purr and it takes all of your self-control to not whimper.

“You love when I’m bad,” you tease when you’re sure your voice won’t shake with want, not looking up from your phone where you’re messing with the Twitch app you’ve just installed, purely to fuck with him because he isn’t fucking you. “Besides, I’m not doing anything.”

Brendon scoffs playfully and you smirk. “Okay. So the username that is a combination of my anniversary with my still-not-public girlfriend and her dog’s name is...who then?” You shrug, still not making eye contact, murmuring something about strange coincidences. “I swear to god Y/n,” Brendon laughs, shaking his head. “If you send one more message into the stream that’s just our joke-safe word,” and now you look at him, grinning. Everyone else in the stream has been ignoring your single-word messages of “cloth,” but you knew he was seeing them and you just knew it was getting to him. “You’re gonna need it,” he finishes, the longing and underlying tension clear in his voice.

You hesitate, unsure. “Is...is that supposed to make me not send it again? Because honestly, that’s not very convincing. You should try harder, B.” You stretch a little in the armchair opposite him on the couch, moaning at the pleasant burn through your legs. “You know I love it when you get a little rough. You feel guilty, but you shouldn’t; you know I love when I’ve got bruises on my thighs shaped like your fingers. Hold me tight, fuck me hard, make me tear our pillows apart with my teeth because you’re driving me wild with your tongue and fingers and cock.” You’re bouncing one leg crossed over the other, tone sugary sweet despite your words, and eyes still on your phone.

“Y/n, please,” Brendon groans with a smile, closing his eyes. He takes off his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose. “You’re killing me. You’re so...god, baby, you know I want you.” You drop your phone and raise your eyebrows teasingly. “You’re killing me. Come over here.” He slips his glasses back on and pats his lap, rubbing his thigh. “Come sit, baby.”

“Someone is still supposed to be streaming…” you point out, giving him a suggestive smile, stretching again. “But that same someone,” you murmur, “is baiting me. Wearing his glasses, calling me baby, asking me to sit on his lap...someone knows I can’t resist any of those things.” He grins and closes his laptop, setting it to one side. You groan when he pulls his glasses down seductively. “Fuck, Brendon...you know I can’t resist that.”

“So stop resisting,” he tells you with a smile. “Come here, honey. You wanted my attention so badly; I’m going to give it to you.” You grin and roll off of the chair, landing on your hands and knees so you can crawl over to him, hips swaying. “You’re killing me. You’re fucking killing me,” Brendon groans as you move slowly across your living room and bite your lip, eyes on his. “No- fuck, Y/n, don’t fucking slow down- no!” He fists his hair in frustration when you teasingly move even slower, mimicking a sloth to perfection as you crawl in slow-motion. “Better,” he nods approvingly when you switch back to your original seductive speed. “Get over here.” When you come to a stop at his feet, he beckons you closer, so you rise up enough for him to bend forward and snake an arm around your waist and haul you into his lap. “There’s my girl,” he murmurs, nudging your ear with his nose. “There’s my girl who needs some attention, hm?” You nod sweetly and he grins, pulling back to kiss you softly. “You’ve got my attention. Why don’t you settle on my thigh here and let me give you my full attention?” You shift a little so you’re straddling his thigh. “Hi Angel,” he whispers, tugging a lock of your hair affectionately. “Ride my thigh, baby. Make yourself feel good, let me see you come like this.” You rise up to shove your leggings down and he stops you. ”Nope. Fully clothed. Want my angel to come for me fully clothed. Once she’s done that, she can strip for me and we’ll go from there.”

“You’re bad, baby,” you scold him teasingly. “Making me come in my panties and leggings.” He smirks and tells you it’s payback for your being bad earlier. “Fair enough,” you acquiesce with a shrug and rest your hands on his shoulders lightly as you start to move on his thigh. Brendon grins and points out that you’ve admitted you were being bad. “Shhhh baby. That was then. This is now. Fuck,” you mumble, closing your eyes. “Fuck, this feels so good. Your thighs Bren...they’re always talking about your thighs and wanting to ride them and come on them and Jesus if they only knew how good - oh, fuck!” Your voice jumps an octave when he starts kissing your neck. “Brendon, fuck! Don’t stop!” His hands wrap around your hips and he pulls you higher up his thigh so the top of yours is pressed to his erection. “Yes baby, fuck yes yes yes!” You’re squealing when you come, the seam of your leggings pressing against your clit and driving you over the edge, babbling your incoherent gratitude for his making you come as he rubs back against your thigh while making small sounds of pleasure. “Oh fuck oh god Brend-what are you doing?” You’re disoriented and panting when he turns and pushes you onto your back so you’re stretched out on the couch. “Oh fuck, baby, what are you doing?” You’re breathless now as he tugs your leggings and panties down in one swift movement and wiggles so he’s kneeling between your thighs.

“Speaking of amazing thighs,” he mumbles, pressing warm kisses up toward your pelvis, starting at your knees and alternating between legs. “My baby has the best thighs. And the best pussy. And the best clit. And now that she’s been good for me and come on my thigh, I’m gonna lick this perfect pussy until she comes again.” You’re squirming like crazy by the time his mouth closes over you and his tongue rolls out to taste you; you both let out broken moans of pleasure as his tongue moves deeper. “Baby,” he gasps against you. “Angel, my perfect girl, oh fuck.” His arms curl under your thighs and he spreads you wider for his mouth so he can really torture you with his licking and gentle sucking and moaning and kissing.

“Oh shit Brendon, baby, yes!” Your head is pressed back against the couch armrest and your hands are in his hair as his mouth moves faster and sloppier, refined technique abandoned as both of you know exactly what you need to get off and how much he loves making you come like this. “Don’t stop,” you moan as his mouth moves over you, tongue licking in broad, wet, warm strokes, teasing your clit with the tip of his tongue using delicate little licks. “Oh fuck Brendon don’t stop.” His lips are sliding over you; it actually feels like he’s making out with your pussy and, given the way he’s moaning, clutching your thighs, and rubbing against the couch, he’s loving it as much as you are. “Gonna make me come,” you manage, voice high and tight. “Gonna come, oh Jesus fucking Christ fuck me, Brendon, yes!” Your squeal of pleasure is ripped from you and you’re breathing hard, pulling at his hair, gasping and grinding and praising him. “So fucking good, oh Jesus Christ oh fuck Brendon making me come oh fuck baby the best you’re the best oh god yes yes yes!”

“Holy fuck,” Brendon groans, licking at you eagerly. “Goddamn, you’re so sweet, Angel. Oh Jesus, come for me one more time, my love. Need more.” His fingers slide into you and curl insistently. “Once more, baby.” You moan as he rubs against your g-spot and your body convulses. “That’s my girl,” Brendon murmurs against you, tongue already moving and swiping over you tenderly. “My baby comes when she’s told. Oh Jesus, such a good girl for me.” He scoots up and rests his head on your stomach, trying to catch his breath. “Sweet girl. Love you so much.”

“Oh god,” you whimper, reaching down and bending to the side to grope for his erection. “Oh Brendon, baby, need you. Oh fuck, please, please!” He nods and props himself up on one arm to move over you. You tangle a hand in his hair and pull his mouth, still slick with you, down to yours. “Cloth, baby, oh fuck, cloth.” Brendon pulls back and looks at you, obviously confused at your serious-sounding use of what has always been a joke safe word between the two of you. “If you don’t fuck me soon, I’m going to die. Save me.” You grin at him and he groans, crushing his mouth to yours and sliding into you; you scratch and claw at his back as he goes deep.

“Fuck, Angel. I’ll always save you.” You both gasp as you clench around him; his eyes roll back at the feeling and you’ve tangled your legs around him, lips parted in silent ecstasy as you both move together. “God fucking damn,” Brendon manages, trying to focus on your face. You whimper and nod, rocking upward to meet his hips. The movement makes the crown of his cock brush over your clit and you’re dizzy with lust; you can already feel your impending orgasm and he’s close too if the breathless praise he’s murmuring is any indication.

“Ow!” Your yelp of pain is sudden and you both start laughing after the shock passes. “Your glasses, baby.” You both stop moving and you reach to one side to grab the frames that have fallen off his face from his frenetic movement. “Here you go.”

“Should I go put my contacts in?” Brendon is laughing too as he places his glasses back on his face. You scoff and wiggle backward so his erection slips from you and you roll onto your stomach before arching up onto your hands and knees. “Baby?”

“No. Keep them on. They make me so hot. You’ll just have to fuck me from behind so they don’t fall off.” You’re grinning at him over your shoulder and he laughs, shifting too and gripping both of your hips. Abruptly, he comments how you won’t be able to see them on him though. “So? I’ll know they’re there,” you murmur, winking at him. “Fuck me, Urie.”

“Oh god,” Brendon groans as he thrusts forward. “Fuck, baby, you feel so- love fucking you like this - miss your pretty face but love holding you and going hard like you love- oh shit, Angel, yes, so goo-fuck!” His voice breaks off in a strangled moan as you tighten around him again, face buried in your arms as you work hard to meet him thrust for thrust. “Gonna come,” he warns you.

“Come, baby,” you pant, lifting your head and turning to meet his eyes as best you can. “Come in me. Come in your Angel.” He groans again, lurching forward to kiss over your neck. The edge of his glasses presses against your skin and you can’t control the whimper that comes out of you. “Fuck, Brendon!” He nods, tongue teasing behind your ear as he presses himself flush against you, his chest to your back. “Baby, I’m gonna-“

“Come,” Brendon gasps, biting down lightly. Your shriek fills the room and he bites harder, making your hips spasm as your orgasm rips through you. “Oh fucking hell, Angel, coming in you,” he grunts, lips grazing your neck. “Oh fuck! Yes, come on me, yes!” His fingers dig into your hips and his once smooth rhythm is gone as he convulses, gasping your name and filling you. The heat makes you quiver and you tighten around him instinctively, wanting more. One hand leaves your hip and snakes down between your legs to tease your clit; it’s an instant reaction.

“Yes yes yes yes yes!” Your entire body is shaking with exertion as you chant and fall apart under his touch. “Oh fuck, Brendon, yes, there, now, fuck!” Your voice is tight and your eyes are clenched shut; you can feel his breath on your neck and his middle finger is still moving over your clit in gentle circles. “Brendon, fuck!”

“Yeah Angel, say my name,” Brendon groans, resting his head on your shoulder blade. “That’s a good girl.” You’re both breathing hard; you can feel his chest heaving against your back before he scoots back and out of you. You whine at the loss, turning to give him a pleading look as he collapses in a seated position on the couch. “Come here, my love,” he murmurs, patting his lap. You turn and curl into yourself, head resting in his lap. Lazily, you run a finger up and down his still half-hard cock; he shivers and you grin up at him. “Angelbaby,” he says softly, stroking your hair. “Someone still has to be punished for misbehaving while I was streaming.” He takes a lock of your hair and twists it around his index finger, tugging affectionately. You smile up at him, wriggling closer to his erection and, eyes locked on his, you lick at the base of his cock, grinning when you feel him twitch at your touch. “Don’t think you can blow your way out of this,” Brendon says with a laugh, tugging at your hair again.

“Oh I know I can’t. I’m just offering.” You grin and wrap a hand around him, pumping slowly. “Think you can spank me while I blow you? I promise not to bite your dick.” You smirk up at him, squeezing the head of his cock and licking eagerly at the rest of his shaft. “I promise,” you repeat, eyes closed as you taste yourself on his cock.

“Fuck, Y/n,” Brendon says helplessly, raking his hand through your hair, eyes wide. “You’re so…”

“Sexy? Dirty? Good? Amazing? I’ll take any of those,” you tell him with a smirk. He laughs and massages your scalp as he tells you E, all of the above. “Good answer,” you murmur, shifting onto your hands and knees and swallowing him down for a brief instant before pulling back with an audible pop as you let his cock slip out of your lips. “How many spankings did I earn, sir?” You’re rocking back and forth, wiggling your hips in anticipation. “Angel was such a bad girl,” you purr, licking at the tip of his cock where a bead of pre-cum has appeared.

“She was,” Brendon agrees in a low voice, still stroking your hair lovingly. “How many does my girl think she’s earned?”

You pause to mull this over, stroking his cock idly as you think. “Well,” you muse. “Let’s consider what exactly I did. I teased you, certainly.”

“You did.”

“And it was public since you were streaming.”

“It was.”

“And I made you cut your stream short so I could get off on your thigh,” you point out. “Three things.”

Brendon nods, considering. His hand leaves your hair and starts rubbing gentle circles over your ass and the backs of your thighs. “I think twenty for the teasing,” he decides and you nod, telling him that sounds fair. He grins down at you. “And another ten for the public factor.” He pauses for another moment. “And another ten for ending the stream.”

“Forty?” Your voice is small and he nods. Using his free hand, he cups your face and raises it gently so you meet his eyes. He searches your face, concern evident.

“Angel, we don’t have to- you don’t have to- we can-“

“No,” you cut him off. “Forty is good. I’m okay.” He nods slowly, fingers stroking your face now tenderly. He’s your first boyfriend you’ve trusted enough to confess your interest in spanking and forty is certainly the most you’ve ever earned, but he’s been so good and compassionate as you both explore this. He was quick to tell you he’s never spanked anyone before, but if it’s what you wanted...the first night you tried was one that solidified your faith in and love for him - both of you giggling and moaning and touching and teasing throughout, both of you surprised at how much you both enjoyed it. Because of that, you have full faith he’ll take care of you, and you both know he’ll stop if there’s even a hint of you being uncomfortable. “Just…” you falter, trying to find the words. “Pace yourself,” you finally say, arching your back into his touch. “Maybe only do the last...ten at full force.”

“Of course, Angel. Whatever you want,” Brendon soothes, kissing you softly. “Don’t bite my dick.” You giggle and kiss him back, shaking your head.

“I promise. Will you be counting since my mouth will be full?”

“Yeah honey,” Brendon murmurs. “I’ll count. You just focus on my cock.” He shifts slightly and pats you gently, almost as a gentle warning. “You ready?” You nod and suck the head of his cock in between your lips. “Fuck,” he grunts, letting his hand make contact. “Sucks my cock so good. That’s one.” His hand pulls back and lands again. “Two.” You suck him down deeper, relishing how his cock twitches in your mouth when he spanks you. “Oh Angel, yes!”

-||-

You’re squealing around his cock, mouth tight and body rocking back and forth gently as Brendon reaches the final five. As promised, he’s at full force now and you’re so wet that it’s spread down your thighs. “Thirty-six,” Brendon groans, and you lurch forward under his hand. Your mouth tightens even more as your head moves down to take him deeper. “Fuck, Angel, just the tip,” Brendon tells you in a tense voice. “Just the tip. That’s a good girl. Thirty-sev-oh fuck yes, such a good girl for me, sucking on my cock so nicely, shit baby, oh god, thirty-eight, yes Y/n, yes yes yes love, thirty-nine oh Jeeeeeesus fucking Chr- shit!” Brendon is gasping as you suck hard, your hand clenching around the base of his cock and stroking upward urgently. You’ve been moaning and whining at each bit of contact, each time pushing you closer to the edge. “Gonna come with me?” Brendon groans, shifting slightly so the hand he’s been using to spank you is now between your legs and his other hand is angled, a bit awkwardly, to deliver the last swat. You nod as best you can with his cock in between your lips and he groans again, breath hitching. “Fuck, Angel. Jesus, okay, forty- holy sweet god in heaven yes!” Your own orgasm sends you reeling and you’re shrieking around his cock for the split second that he isn’t filling your mouth. His fingers slide into you and he curls them, doubling the intensity of your orgasm. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” Brendon’s helpless chant fills your ears and you swallow eagerly before letting him slip from your mouth when he’s spent so you can let out your own squeals of pleasure.

“Brendon, baby, yes!” Your voice is hoarse and he immediately wraps an arm around you and flips you onto your back before settling between your legs, laying flat over you so your chests are together. “Holy shit,” you murmur after a moment, brushing your fingers over his face tenderly, lingering on the frame of his glasses almost in awe. “You’re...you’re incredible.” You bite your lip before you kiss him gently and he meets your embrace, lips moving over yours.

“No, you are, my love,” he counters when you part. “You're something else entirely. I love you so much.” You repeat it back to him, letting your head rest on the throw pillows. He slumps over you, face in the crook of your neck. “Is it nap time, my love?”

“Hell yes,” you say with a laugh, running both of your hands through his hair as he nuzzles your shoulder. “I don’t think I could move an inch.” He smiles against your skin and makes a soft sound, agreeing with you. “Rest, baby,” you whisper to him, closing your eyes.

“You too, Angel,” he murmurs affectionately, turning his head to kiss your neck gently. “My good girl worked hard, taking those spankings and sucking my cock; deserves a good nap.” You yawn, already half-asleep as he continues to praise you sleepily, so you’re not positive, but you think the last coherent thing he murmurs is, “god bless these glasses.”

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z 024

Master Roshi comforts Bulma by reminding her that Yamcha can be wished back to life, and then he cops a feel.   Master Roshi belongs in jail. 

Also, we’re a long way from wishing anybody back to life at the rate things are going.   The gang just used the Dragon Balls yesterday to wish back Goku, so it’ll be another year before Yamcha can come back.   And if Piccolo gets killed, well...

Krillin angrily demands to fight next, and he threatens to kill all the Saibamen at once, because that’s what Yamcha wanted to do before he died.    The difference is that Krillin has a technique to make that happen.    He fires a slow-moving ki blast at the enemy party...

Then he swings it up into the air and makes it separate into multiple blasts that target all four Saibamen and the Saiyans.

It’s a great attack, but it’s only half-effective.   Three Saibamen are killed instantly, while the four escapes by hiding in a hole.    After the smoke clears, it jumps out and tries to attack Gohan, but Piccolo catches it and destroys it with a blast of his own. 

So yeah, that does it for the Saibamen.   Chiaotzu’s the only one who never got to log any time with ‘em, but if Krillin could destroy three of them in one hit, I think he would have done okay.  The takeaway from this is that all of the Z-Fighters have greatly surpassed Raditz in strength.    The only way Raditz could beat Yamcha would be to self-destruct, and he doesn’t have the guts for that.

But Vegeta and Nappa are in a whole other league.  Krillin’s attach didn’t affect them at all.   With no more Saibamen to play with, they intend to attack on their own.

So yeah, I always thought Krillin’s attack here was kind of a bad call.   None of the Z-Fighters were happy with the idea of fighting the Saibamen one at a time.  Krillin himself suggested that it would be a good way to buy time for Goku’s arrival, but instead he lost his cool and creamed all of them.  

What they really should have done was to drag out those one-on-one battles for as long as possible.  The Saiyans had already underestimated them, so if they saw Tien hot-dogging it for twenty minutes, they probably wouldn’t question it.   Every second would bring Goku that much closer to the battlefield.  

Of course, the Saiyans might have lost patience with the one-on-one fights and put a stop to it, but then the Z-Fighters would be no worse off than they are now.   The difference would be that they’d still have Yamcha on deck when it came time to fight Nappa.

Nappa asks for permission to take them all out by himself, and Vegeta grants it, but he orders him to keep Piccolo alive, so they can question him about the Dragon Balls.    That’s pretty much the only ground rule to this fight. 

Nappa goes after Krillin first, then Piccolo tries to jump in between them, and he eats a kick for his trouble.

Then Nappa starts powering up.  

The ground shakes and little rocks fly up into the air, and everyone has trouble keeping their footing.    I’m not sure what Chiaotzu’s problem is exactly, but he’s having one.   

Yellow lightning starts crackling around Nappa.   “Is he turning Super Saiyan?” asks some dumbass fan-theorist on YouTube. 

Then more lightning comes down from the sky and strikes the other lightning on his body and makes more lightning.    “No, but what if he unwittingly figured out how to go Super Saiyan 2, and he got killed before anyone knew what he had tapped into?” asks some dork on GameFaqs.

I still don’t understand what Chiaotzu’s trying to do here.   Is he just trying to float in midair without getting shoved away?

Nappa zaps him with a mouth blast real quick, as if Chiaotzu’s efforts were a distraction for him.    He’s still got a lot of powering up to do.   “Heyyyyyy what’s up, YouTube?   This is xxGiotrishku9874xx, and today I want to talk about, well it’s more of a ‘what if’ kind of thing, but you know I was watching DBZ the other day and I was thinking... You know it took Nappa a really long time to power up here, almost like he was going Super Saiyan 3, and before you send me a bunch of messages.   Like ‘What’s wrong with you, xxGiotrishku9874xx?   Nappa can’t turn Super Saiyan 3.’    Listen, I know, but hear me out.     I was thinking, okay, so we know that there’s twelve universes, right?    And Zamasu had the time rings, okay?   Now they’re not meant to be used to go back in time, but it’s possible that he might have made a wish on the Super Dragon Balls, and hypnotized Nappa with knowledge of how to use the Super Saiyan 3 technique.   And so when Nappa powers up here, he may have been unconsciously tapping into that hidden knowledge, and that’s why it took so long for him to get powered up for this fight.   And that’s why Vegeta kills him later, because he could sense Nappa almost surpassing him.   Now I know Vegeta couldn’t sense ki yet, but hear me out.   I can see the comments now.   ‘xxGiotrishku9874xx, WTF?   Vegeta couldn’t sense ki back then lol.’   Well, that’s my other theory...”

Then Nappa gets a yellow aura, but his eyebrows and mustache are still black.   Could he be a Super Saiyan 4 in this scene?   Being bald, you really can’t tell.

At last he charges into action.   Tien tries to block his attack with his left arm.   This turns out to be a huge mistake.

Tien’s arm glows red hot and now it’s got lightning on it.   Oh, and it has a red aura.    “Did Tien’s arm become a Super Saiyan God?,” asks Tien’s arm.   “I know I’m not a Saiyan, and that arms aren’t supposed to be able to think or ask questions, but in this brief instant I am in so much pain that I have somehow become self-aware.    Why does the universe hate me so?   Please, someone make it stop.”

Then Nappa just punches Tien’s arm and it breaks clean off.    For my money, this is the most brutal attack in all of Dragon Ball.   It makes absolutely no sense.   This isn’t a broken bone, Tien’s forearm just snaps off like he’s made out of hard candy.   It’s practically indescribable.    No one has any idea what this would feel like, because it makes no friggin’ sense.  

Tien doesn’t even know what this feels like because he’s in so much pain that he has no idea what’s happening.   His hand just floats away like a dream.    There’s blood coming out of it, but only for a moment.

Why is it glowing yellow?   Tien’s in shock right now, so he has no idea what’s going on.

Vegeta just mocks him for being fragile.   Keep that in mind for a second.

Astonishingly, Tien still tries to put up a fight, because let’s face it, what else can he do?   He can’t pass out from the pain, because he’s in too much pain for that, and it’s not like Nappa’s going to stand there and wait for him.

Nappa does some sort of ballet-kick-thing to Tien’s head.    Now, somehow Tien’s head doesn’t snap off like his neck is made of glass, so I don’t know if Nappa was holding back, or if Tien spent the whole year training his neck.

And here’s the punchline: Tien’s still alive.   Nappa remarks on how tough Tien must be to survive all of that.   This is our first peek into just how much stronger Vegeta is than Nappa.   Nappa’s demolishing Tien before our very eyes, but he admits that Tien’s “one tough bastard” for taking this much punishment.   But Vegeta’s not impressed at all.    As far as he’s concerned, anyone who gets hurt fighting Nappa is “fragile.”

Krillin tries to run to Tien’s aide, but Nappa gouges out a piece of the ground with a ki blast just to make a point.  

But while he’s doing that, Chiaotzu gets close and grabs onto his back.   Nappa’s so big and Chiaotzu is so little that he can’t reach the guy, so he has to start smashing himself back-first into rocks to try to shake him loose.

This is some brtual stuff right here.    Chiaotzu’s taking a beating like this, and he’s not even fighting Nappa head on, he’s just trying to give Tien a breather, really.

Gohan can’t stand to watch, but Piccolo tells him to turn and look, because “This is what fighting is.”  That’s harsh, but it’s true.

As it turns out, Chiaotzu’s plan is to blow himself up.   He telepathically says his goodbyes to Tien, who begs him to stop, but he’s made his choices.  

Nappa seems to know something is up, although he doesn’t seem to fullly realize it.   He’s still trying to get the little guy off his back by slamming himself into rock formations.   Did Nappa briefly turn Super Saiyan Blue in this scene?  

And then Chiaotzu blows up.   Tien can do nothing but watch.   

I have to say, Hirotaka Suzuoki really captures Tien’s anguish at watching his best friend die.   He just sounds awful here.    This hurts Tien in a way his wounded arm never could.   Right now, he’s not even feeling it.

Also, this is one of the rare moments when Tien’s third eye is closed.   I never know if this is a continuity error or if there really is supposed to be some rule for when Tien’s third eye would be shut.  

Piccolo, for one, is impressed.   Chiaotzu has earned his respect today.

But impressing Piccolo is about all Chiaotzu accomplished, because Nappa isn’t hurt at all.  Whoops.

So, did Nappa briefly learn Ultra Instinct when he avoided that explosion?   In this essay I will