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from-the-clouds · 3 years ago

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Thinking of a Place (Part VII) - Kendall Roy x Reader

gif by @televisionchronicles

Summary: The penultimate chapter.

Words: 6.4k

Warnings: Angst, alcohol consumption, discussions of drug abuse/addiction.

A/N: Massive apologies to everyone for the semi-cliffhanger and then delayed update. Life was very stressful and crazy, and I wrote briefly for another fandom. I had such bad writers block with this part, but I do think it is one of my favorites. Please let me know what you think.

The spires of the cathedral were jagged, jutting straight up and somehow still managing to make the church appear more threatening than the skyscrapers that towered around it. You had to tilt your head back all the way to take it in, dragging your feet up the steps.

“This is gonna be so awful,” a voice sounded behind you, and you paused your slow procession for it to catch up. “Oh, it’s gonna suck so bad.”

Stewy fell into step beside you, glued to his phone and texting frantically, trying to do some business last-minute before it would be taboo. You wanted to laugh, but knew now was not the time. Plus, your stomach was twisting itself in knots, and it might’ve felt nice to relieve some of the tension squirming about.

It only gets worse from here.

“You don’t know the half of it,” you sympathized absentmindedly. It wasn’t too late to back out, was it? You could. All it would take was to turn around, get back in the car and go home, pretend it never happened. It would be better to erase this part of your life and never look back.

Hell, you weren’t even planning to be there, until Stewy guilted you into it. It wasn’t fair.

“We should go to the funeral, right?” he had mused over the phone, catching you after work. “Like, that’s the right thing to do, no?”

You pushed back your cuticles and paused the episode of Shark Tank you had on, stifling a laugh. There was no chance you’d be able to pay attention. “Since when do you care about doing the right thing?”

“I don’t,” he scoffed, offended. “But it might make me look bad…is what I’m saying. I was on the board, I owned all those shares….it’d be bad for business, at least.”

“Yeah,” you paused. “I don’t care if I look bad.”

“Well, yeah, but you still have to go with me,” he said, matter-of-factly.

“Do I?”

“Yeah, I’m not fucking going to this thing alone.”

“Stewy, no…I’m not going.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Come on, uhhh, let’s see, what dirt could I scrounge up to use as blackmail to make sure you come?” he mused. “Maybe I should hire a PI.”

“Good luck with that,” you laughed, but felt your face fall, something nagging at the back of your mind.

Even though you knew Stewy was joking, you did wonder if it was possible someone could ever find evidence of what had happened between you and Kendall. On your end, there was no paper trail. Perhaps a few spicy texts you’d shared, but even those were vague enough to give you plausible deniability, and you’d never uttered a word about it to anyone. As for him, you had no idea. But it’s not like you were going to try to find out.

“No,” Stewy said, after a pause. “You’re a good person, that’s why you’ll go. I don’t even need to guilt you. You’ll do it to yourself.” “No I won’t!,” you exclaimed in mock indignity. “You don’t know me….”

But you knew Stewy was right. Even before he’d called you, you’d already been considering it. Through all the bullshit, you had spent so many years of your life at Waystar. And it wasn’t just Kendall you’d grown close to. Gerri, Greg, even Shiv at times had all been some sort of friend. You had to show support. This wasn’t just about him.

“But… “ For all you knew, it might be crowded enough that you didn’t even have to speak to Kendall. Maybe, if you were really lucky, he wouldn’t be there. You weren’t sure what terms he was on with Logan, anyways. You knew it was the right thing to do.

“....yeah, I guess I should go,” you added.

So you went to the funeral, filing into the church alongside Stewy Hosseini of all people. You were ultimately glad you weren’t alone, just because you would’ve felt incredibly uncomfortable. You still did, of course. But you already couldn’t imagine anything worse than this.

The sound of chanting – coming from the small group of protestors outside – reached your ears from the back of the church where you sat, with your eyes cast down. There weren’t as many people in attendance as you were expecting, though there were still probably hundreds, a fair amount of them journalists, some of them there for the story, others to pay their respects – which was rather laughable if you thought about it. But besides all the suits and ties, and old white men with haggard faces, it still felt like there weren’t that many. A man like Logan Roy didn’t seem to keep friends, unless they were good for business. And even then, you’d seen how disposable members of his inner circle could be.

The service was long, and felt like it lasted forever. Maybe it was just your nerves, you couldn’t stop fidgeting next to Stewy, who gave you a couple of side-eyed glares while you nibbled on your cuticles and twisted one of the rings on your fingers, crossing and uncrossing your legs.

Marcia, Shiv, Roman, and Connor all spoke, but not Kendall. In fact, you were beginning to think he wasn’t even there, felt the persistent pinch between your shoulder blades begin to release, especially once the service wrapped up, and the priest announced that the burial was closed to immediate family only.

It made you feel a little more relaxed. Just an hour – give or take – and you could go home, know you weren’t a heartless monster who wouldn’t show up, and not have to live with anymore guilt. You were almost in the clear.

“Shall we pay our respects?” asked Stewy, standing up from his spot.

“Probably,” you said, lining up behind the long processional that fed towards the altar where the family sat.

Stewy didn’t say anything for awhile, hands in the pockets of his impeccably tailored suit. You were grateful for the silence, especially when he opened his mouth and spoke again.

“I bet Ken will be so happy to see you after all this time,” he eyed you carefully with a devilish twinkle in his eyes, gauging your reaction.

You pressed your lips together. Narrowed your eyes. I know what you’re doing.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you kept it playful.

“Well, you know…he always had a thing for you. He never would admit it to me but….I just knew it.”

You feigned surprise, before shrugging and shaking your head. “I don’t know about that. And if how he treated me is how he treats people he likes? Then I’d want no part in it.”

Stewy had been given a very vague explanation of your reasons for leaving Waystar, the headline being that Kendall had offended you one-to-many times – which wasn’t exactly a lie.

“That’s his modus operandi,” Stewy said. “Fuck people over until they leave. It’s almost like he wants it to happen.”

Stewy had known Kendall since childhood, he knew him better than you did, in a lot of ways. Still, you wished what he was saying wasn’t true.

“Yeah,” you shook your head. “I don’t know.”

After that, Stewy let it go, thank god. For the rest of the time spent waiting, he chatted with you idly, sneakily hiding behind you to use his phone and send emails. You started to zone out as he droned to you about various topics – why NFTs were the future of currency and how you needed to buy one, some club he was investing in that sold magic mushroom infused cocktails, and his upcoming trip to Dubai. Despite the subject matter, you were thankful to have him as a distraction as the number of people in the church dwindled.

And then you saw him.

The man standing next to Shiv with his hands buried in the pockets of his suit, crisp and unwrinkled. You had actually noticed him already, but didn’t even recognize him at first. Kendall.

He looked exhausted, utterly spent, eyes flickering down as he shrugged his arm forward to shake someone’s hand. And although you weren’t surprised to see him in such a state considering the circumstances, that wasn’t why you didn’t recognize him right away.

He looked….good. Healthy, even. His skin was practically glowing, his hair had grown out, speckled with far more gray than you remembered. Perhaps he’d been dyeing it all this time. It didn’t matter, because it suited him. Fuck. You were still attracted to him, which didn’t bode well. You supposed you always would be, though, whether he was a coked-out mess or a put-together, confident and powerful man. The appeal would never leave you. But it wasn’t like you still had feelings for him, or anything.

Kendall glanced around the room, as the person he had been talking to moved on, scanning diligently. And even though you tried to angle yourself behind Stewy, to remain out of sight, you weren’t fast enough. It was too late. When he saw you, he did a double-take. Then, he was locked in.

Oh, great. You weren’t sure if you thought it, or you muttered it under your breath.

Against your better judgment, you met his gaze. Something fluttered in your stomach. Kendall tilted his head, and you were a little surprised by the tenderness written on his features, warmth in his eyes, like he was only seeing you. Like you both knew something no one else in the room did. You found yourself lingering there, just for a moment longer than you should have.

The only thing that pulled you away was someone shaking you, tapping you relentlessly, saying your name. Finally, you turned away from Kendall, somewhat thankful. You still snuck one final glance over your shoulder, to find that he had also been pulled away.

“Greg!” you exclaimed when you saw who it was that had stolen your attention.

“Hey,” Towering over you, he grinned widely. “S-so good to see you.”

“You too!”

Considering he was on Logan’s side of the deal with Gojo, you hadn’t technically been allowed to talk to him. But that didn’t matter anymore. Now, he was one of the bigwigs at Waystar, carrying himself with more confidence than you thought possible. Even then, he was still just as gangly, offering you the most awkward side-hug you’d encountered. “How are you?”

“Good,” you embraced him in return. “I’m so sorry about your uncle.”

“It’s like, you know….it’s one of those things that happen, I guess,” he said, tucking a stray piece of hair behind his ear. He didn’t seem that upset. “It’s good to see you.”

Before being pulled in different directions, you and Greg had been quite close. He was your go-to person to share a joint with during an excruciating networking event; and you, him, and Jess pretty much had therapy sessions commiserating about your nearly-insufferable bosses. Yet, you all stuck around.

“Good to see you too.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Stewy raise his hand to wave at someone across the room, phone to his ear, and he stepped away and out of your periphery. You assumed it would be the last time you’d see him that day. So much for having company.

“So like, what are you doing now, like, work-wise?” Greg asked.

“Well, you know I’m-”

“Greg, come on, we’re going now-” the click of heels on the hardwood, accompanied by a familiar voice was a dead giveaway. Shiv. Her face lit up when she saw you, her three brothers trailing behind. The line had scattered before you could even get to them.

“Oh my god,” Shiv surprised you with a rare hug. “It’s so good to see you.”

“You too, I’m so sorry about your dad,” you said as she released you.

“Yeah well, you know,” Shiv shrugged, dropping her hand. “I’m surprised you’re here. How have you been?”

“I’m good. Are you still working at-”

“I thought we had like, 20 minutes?” Greg interrupted, leaning to whisper in her ear.

“Uh, yeah. I said that 30 minutes ago,” Shiv answered, pulling her phone out to look at it. “Can you go find Tom? I’ve tried calling him and he’s not picking up.” She turned her attention back to you.

“I’m so sorry, we have to get going, this day has been so-”

“Don’t apologize, I get it,” you shook your head. You’d been to your own fathers funeral, and even though Logan was a different type of parent, you couldn’t imagine how stressful this was for any of his children.

“Thank you for understanding. Hey!” she said, like she’d forgotten something. “You’re coming to Ken’s after this, right? You should be there.”

You meant to object to Shiv’s request politely, but before you could, you were interrupted.

“Oh there she is, the girl who fucking ghosted us all,” Roman jutted in, words rather harsh, even though there was a dark smile on his face and he was shaking your shoulders. Shiv had turned away and was whispering to Greg. “Nice of you to show up.”

“Rome, I don’t think that’s helpful-” a familiar deep timbre was in your ear and your eyes flickered over just as Kendall stepped between you and his younger brother. He peered at you cautiously as Roman lost interest in offering any more verbal harassment, turning to throw a snarky remark at Connor and Willa instead.

“Hey,” Kendall said, much of the chatter and chaos around you fading. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course,” you said, not sure what to do. Hug him? Shake his hand? It concerned you that immediately, your first instinct was to comfort him. But the more conscious part of your brain recoiled at the thought. Do something. Say something. You were frozen, until finally, you remembered your funeral etiquette. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Yeah,” he answered, nodding. “Yeah, thank you, it’s uh…it’s pretty tough.”

You nodded, inhaling through your nose as you shifted your weight, and Kendall’s gaze flickered downward, both of you holding for a clumsy silence.

“It’s uh,” Kendall cleared his throat. “It’s good to see you, though.”

You swallowed hard, feigning indifference. “Yeah, it’s been awhile.”

“Ken, come on, or we’ll leave without you,” Shiv was backing away. Roman, Greg, and a slew of others hovering around.

“Okay, okay,” he stepped away. “Listen I gotta get to the burial but uh, I uh….you know we’re uh, having some people over at my place after - mostly Waystar people…. just, you know, for food and….” he trailed off. “Closer family and friends…..you should come. You were a big part of it all.”

“Yeah, don’t know about that.” A big part of it all? He was playing you. You wanted to make an excuse. Some reason you couldn’t make it. You were drawing a blank. No was a complete sentence, but that simple syllable lay dead on your tongue.

“It’s the truth,” Kendall insisted earnestly. “You should be there, really.”

“Uhh, okay, I guess…” you forced your lips to form a tight-lipped, reluctant smile.

“Okay,” Relief washed over his features and he stepped away. “Okay, I’ll uh, I’ll see you there.”

You turned your back to him, tilted your head back to groan, and stared at a long-haired man in the stained glass window.

Why?

— — — — —

Being back in Kendall’s apartment felt…strange. On one hand, you no longer belonged. It had been ages. It was unfamiliar, cold. Like a museum. On the other hand, it was as though no time had passed. Warmth still lingered in the space, and your eyes were inexplicably drawn to places they shouldn’t have been – the couch where he had first kissed you, the wall he’d pinned you against in the hallway. You were just lucky you didn’t have to go into his bedroom, for whatever reason.

So you spent much of your time hovering around Gerri, who you’d lost touch with – mostly after Kendall tried to sabotage his father – but that grudge had come and gone. During your years at Waystar, she’d become something of a mentor to you, and the closest thing you had to a mother besides…well, your own mother, who you only considered your mother because it was the objective truth.

But more importantly, you could always rely on her if you needed to talk shit. Over the years, that was the kind of trust you didn’t earn with just anyone, but you had a mutual understanding. What you said to each other never left the room you were in, and you always had to keep any insider information to yourself.

And at the party, Gerri did a good job of keeping you included in conversations so you weren’t forced to talk to anyone you didn’t want to – which was pretty much only one person. She spent most of the time filling you in on what had happened in and outside of the business since you’d left it, much to your dismay. Your morbid curiosity, however, was very encouraged by the information.

“Did you hear that Rava is remarrying?” Gerri asked you, under her breath as you sat next to her, nursing a bourbon and nibbling on amuse bouche.

“No, I didn’t,” you said, raising an eyebrow, though it wasn’t exactly a surprise. You wondered how Kendall handled the news, then pushed the thought aside.

“Really?” Gerri sipped on her martini. “Wow, you really did cut ties,” she said, giving you a side-eye, while still scanning the room, settling back to make sure she had noted everyone in the space and where exactly they were. She was and had always been, by far, the most capable person you’d ever known. “I thought you and Ken kept in touch.”

You snorted, scowling, and glanced over at Gerri, who was studying you carefully. “I haven’t seen or talked to him since I left.” Of course, you’d never tell Gerri the extent of your history with Ken.

Your acting must have paid off, because she moved on without issue. “That one,” Gerri gestured to Roman, who was downing a glass of champagne. “Lord only knows what will happen with that one now that Logan’s gone.”

You smirked, as your gaze flickered between her and Roman, recalling a rumor you’d heard. It was too preposterous to ever be true, and far too sordid to even jokingly bring up to her. “Yeah, who knows…”

She gave a dry laugh in response. Then sighed. “I should probably stop being so antisocial,” Gerri said, uncrossing her legs.

You nodded in agreement, standing up along with her, making your way to get another bourbon – which was the only thing keeping you remotely relaxed.

“Hey,” you felt a hand on your arm just as you took the first sip, and turned around to find Shiv with a champagne flute in her hand. “I hate to do this, but can you help me find Ken? We’re supposed to do a toast, and he basically like, vanished.”

“Shiv, I-” you began to object.

“Please?” she pressed, pouting slightly. You supposed that this wasn’t about you, at all. That she was mourning her father and you could stop being so selfish.

“Yeah, I can-”

“Whaddup sluts?” Roman injected.

Shiv’s eyes widened in a mortified expression. “Rome, can’t you at least pretend to be upset?”

“Eh, well, that’s always been Ken’s job,” he put his hand on his hip, pressing them forward and peering around the room. “Speaking of which, where is he? Sulking because he didn’t go before dad?”

“Roman,” Shiv warned, then glanced all around her nervously for anyone within earshot.

“What? Stop that, you know it was almost him just a few months ago,” he rolled his eyes.

His words took a second to land.

“Wait, what happened?” you blurted before Shiv could even scold him.

“Oh, you didn’t hear?” Roman grinned, absolutely diabolical.

Shiv flipped her hair and leaned forward, hissing at him. “Now is not the time to-”

“No, no it’s fine,” Roman said, coughing after he took an overzealous sip of champagne. “I’ll just repress the traumatic memory of finding my big brother unconscious on his bathroom floor, it’s fine-”

“Roman-”

“Hey, what did he do to you anyways?” Roman turned to you, standing wide eyed and shocked at his callousness, bits and pieces of a horrific story coming together in your mind with each careless toss of words in your direction. “Because he didn’t tell us shit. It had to be pretty fucking bad, though.”

You shrugged, trying to remain nonchalant. “I can’t even remember.”

“Bullshit, come on, what really happened? It fucked him up, like, so good.”

You couldn’t answer. God, you’d really lost your ability to deal with these kinds of people, to stay stoned-faced and unfeeling while horrible things were being said straight to your face. And Roman, of all of them, was probably the most harmless. It wasn’t that you didn’t like him. He was just an….acquired taste. A lot more bitter than you remembered.

“Come on, tell us, I’m dying to know.” Shiv had quieted, looking on.

Finally, finally, that old fire in you lit up – just enough for you to press your lips together in a coy smile as you raised your hands. “I’ve signed too many NDA’s Rome, I can’t answer that.”

Roman rolled his eyes. “Ugh, whatever, you….so fucking cryptic, too good for us, now?”

“Fuck off,” you rolled your eyes, shoving him playfully. “I’ll find Kendall,” you nodded at Shiv.

It was a little concerning to know that he hadn’t changed in the slightest since you’d last spoken, you thought somewhere along the way he might try to be….or get better. But they were Roys. None of them would ever really thrive.

After doing a turn about the apartment and being unable to find him anywhere, you finally decided to try his office, figuring he might be in one of the more closed off areas of the space. Shiv putting you up to this seemed like a sick joke, but thanks to Roman’s big mouth you got the impression that neither of them actually knew anything, which made this whole situation less humiliating.

The office door was ajar, which meant that he probably wasn’t inside if all he wanted were a few moments of privacy. You poked your head inside and saw nothing at first glance, until your eyes caught a small form hunched in the corner of the room.

Sat with his knees to his chest, folded in a ball, head parallel with the ground, he was a sight.

“Hey,” you said softly.

One of his palms swiped his nose as he glanced over at you. “Oh, hey,” he answered, staring back at the floor, snorting and shaking his head. He’d been crying. He didn’t want you, or anybody to see it. Curled up and isolated, ashamed and vulnerable, a boy hiding his tears from a world and from a father that might see it and call him what he knew he was: weak.

And you might’ve told him to go find Shiv and then leave him there alone like that.

But you didn’t.

Instead, you stepped into the room, closing the door behind you. “Shiv sent me to come find you. Something about a toast….?”

“Oh yeah,” he grunted. “Yeah….I should probably get back out there.”

“You should take a second, if you need one.”

He didn't turn, didn't acknowledge you, just studied the polished marble floors. And you were bracing yourself against the wall so you could slide to sit next to him, crossing your legs when you were on the ground, back against the wall. Kendall’s shoulders sagged.

It felt like ages that you sat next to him, huddled like that, steeping in the tension, in the sorrow melting off of him.

“Is it bad that I feel kind of relieved?” he asked after a while, unmoving.

You snorted, remembering the first time Logan had ever yelled at you to fuck off, and then also a game he’d made up at a corporate retreat called Boar on the Floor. Both incidents had been mildly traumatizing, but were isolated. What it felt like to live through a lifetime of that type of humiliation and cruelty, you couldn’t imagine. “Not at all.”

"I-I’m relieved….” He reiterated. “....and I feel so fucking guilty.”

You inhaled, stared at whatever he was staring at, the wheels of his desk chair.

“He didn’t want me to speak at his memorial. His own son. All I did was let him down. I could’ve been….I could’ve been better.”

The words he spoke had a visceral reaction, you were suddenly queasy. And keeping your mouth shut only made it worse, holding back would’ve been more agonizing. “That’s not true, Kendall,” you shook your head. “He was impossible to please. People like him…they don’t change. You’d be setting yourself up to get hurt”

“Uh-huh.” Kendall’s eyes were on you, burning a hole in the side of your face, so uncomfortable and distracting that you gave in to it and stole him a glance. His expression was written with concern. Is that why you left? He had more of his father in him than he’d ever be willing to admit, a poison that was ever-spreading despite his desperation to purge himself of all that evil. And he couldn’t be sure he was capable of that.

“Thanks again for coming.”

“Oh, you know,” you shrugged. “Figured I should.”

“It means a lot.”

“Yeah.”

A bandaid had to be ripped off, one that covered a wound so deep it might start bleeding and never stop. It was better to be left covered up.

He saved you the trouble. “So uh…what have you been getting into?”

“I work at an ad firm,” you said. “In house legal services.”

He nodded, a smile quivering at the corner of his mouth. “That sounds perfect for you.”

“Yeah, it definitely fits.”

“They probably love you there, I bet.”

You scoffed. “I don’t know about that….but, yeah…it’s….you know, it’s good. I’m….happy.”

He was gazing at you wistfully. Gentle, but still so sad. He was missing out. So many things that had happened over the past year, and he hadn’t been there to see any of it. He was mourning all the time lost. But he didn’t deserve your time. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

You turned away from the intensity of his expression. It would all come crumbling down around you. All you were supposed to do was retrieve him, and instead you were sitting next to him on the floor, letting him chat you up, and getting dust all over funeral dress. Things were clearly already crumbling.

“You know, everyone’s probably wondering…” you began.

“Yeah, you’re right. We should go.” Kendall pushed himself to his feet in record speed, turning to offer you his hand, so close to your face that refusing it would’ve been rude, like that was his plan all along. And you took it, as lightly as you could.

The skirt of your dress that had ridden up, and you tugged it back into place while Kendall smoothed down the lapels of his suit. “Did it get wrinkled?” he asked you, and you sized him up, frowning when you noticed some dust on the collar.

“Here,” you stepped towards him, into his space, using your hand to wipe away the lint, looking down at his chest. “And uh….your tie is…” You reached out to tuck it back in his jacket, fingers lingering a little too long when you caught a whiff of his cologne. It had taken nearly all day to get used to being back with these people, but five minutes with Kendall and you were already reverting back to old habits. “There.”

When you stepped away and looked at Kendall, that dejected look on his face had returned, and his eyes were searching yours desperately. It hurt. You could see all the regret in his features, all the things he wanted to say but wasn’t. His eyes were trying to find something to hold onto in your own, to cling to something so he wasn’t swallowed entirely by grief.

You looked at the floor. There wasn’t anyone strong enough to confront that look. At some point, you thought you could. Not anymore. He wasn’t any of your business.

When you glanced back over at him, he’d sunk his gaze to the ground, was shrinking before you.

You would tell yourself you didn’t know what compelled you to embrace him. That your hand rose to his shoulder, on its own accord, and the words you spoke couldn’t have been from your mouth.

“Hey. It’ll be alright.”

Kendall stiffened at first, the surprise at your actions jolting through his body, as you closed the space between you and laid your arms around his torso. He was warm, he smelled like you always remembered �� expensive cologne, cigarettes, laundry detergent. But the way he melted into you when he realized – oh. It was almost euphoric. His arms wound around your waist, his fingers kneaded into the fabric of your black dress. The shuddery inhale he took when his face pressed against your neck made you shiver.

It shouldn’t have excited you that much, to be so close to him again. But it did. It satiated something deep-seated within that you couldn’t seem to control today.

Kendall choked in a whimper, sounding half relieved, half in pain. “Fuck,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry. So so sorry,” he sobbed, as you both clutched at each other desperately.

Tears pricked at the back of your eyes, and you struggled to keep from crying for the first time that day. One of his hands rubbed your back an attempt to comfort you, even as he fell apart. The purchase of his hands was so sturdy….but brittle. Under any more pressure he might break.

“I know,” you answered, barely above a squeak. You couldn’t trust yourself to be any louder without crying, and Romans words from earlier were filtering back into your mind. Shifting your hand to the back of his neck, you drew him even closer. “I was worried about you. ”

“I’m okay,” he said softly.

He held you, unwavering, for an undetermined amount of time. It had to end, and it did, when you both slowly unwound from each other, swiping underneath your eyes. But his hand lingered on your waist as you walked out of the office.

Kendall stayed close to you for the rest of evening, joining in on conversations near yours, standing next to you during whatever toasts were being made. You even stood chatting to Sophie and Iverson about school while he looked on. But as things began to wind down, he disappeared again, and you started to do your rounds saying goodbye. You’d spent enough time back in this world, and didn’t need to stay.

It was your chance to slip away. And you thought it would go unnoticed, that maybe you could vanish and no one would see it happen. You had your hand on the doorknob when you heard the clip of dress shoes on the marble floor. The footsteps halted behind you, and there was a hand on your shoulder.

“Please don’t go.”

“Kendall, you should be with your family,” you turned around to face him.

“They’re going to leave,” he said, hand moving down to wrap around your bicep. “I want…can you be with me? Just a little longer.”

You felt your posture slump. He was your biggest weakness, the sorest nerve inside you. Did he know it? He had to. If that was true, you could write him off as the monster you’d tried to convince yourself he was. But maybe it wasn’t so sinister. Was Kendall capable of that? For some reason, even after all he’d put you through, you didn’t think so. You were going to give in to him, like you always did. You’d held out for so long this time.

“Okay,” you said, letting his hand trail down your arm before it dropped at his side.

“Thank you,” he said, eyes searching yours in earnest as you followed him back down the hallway.

The party, if that was what you could even call it, ended within the hour. Everyone trickled out, even Shiv and Roman, the mess cleaned up by the event staff. And you and Kendall were left alone.

This could be a recipe for disaster, you thought. Or it could be exactly what you knew it was.

“Will you uh, sit outside with me while I…have a cigarette?” he asked, after you’d spent a fair amount of time sitting rigidly on the couch in front of him.

Nodding your head, you followed him outside, crossing your arms and keeping your distance from the edge of the balcony. The lights from the city shrouded any stars in the sky, and instead created their own constellations – the glow of windows stretching out endlessly across the skyline. And the distant sounds of sirens and car horns were far enough away to be an ambiance. It was….peaceful, even with Kendall there.

But, determined to not make it so, Kendall held a cigarette between his lips, leaning over the glass railing, head hanging out over the open air. Air, so much air and absolutely nothing between him and the ground below. Standing in his living room looking out the window was different than being in the open like this. You didn’t feel nearly as safe.

“Be careful,” you blurted, reaching out to clasp a hand around his bicep.

Kendall chuckled just a little, pulling the cigarette from between his lips. “Don’t worry,” he said, but he did step away, and then closer to you. Fuck. That’s not what you had meant to happen. He really did look good, all emotional turmoil aside. Especially the grey hair, it was doing something for you, and you really hadn't expected to feel so drawn to him.

You swallowed hard and nodded, satisfied that he wasn’t – on accident or on purpose – going to topple over the edge. Backing away, you sat on the couch, trying not to shiver from the chill of the evening.

“Want one?” Kendall asked as he sat down next to you, offering you his pack of American Spirits. You accepted. You weren’t much of a cigarette smoker, but maybe it’d do something about the incessant panic nipping the back of your head. Placing it between your lips, Kendall leaned in to light it for you.

“Are you working anywhere right now?” you asked, exhaling a cloud of smoke. It seemed harmless enough a question, but something to break the uncomfortable silence. Sterile, as if you two were at a networking event.

“Uh–huh,” Kendall lit his own cigarette. “Well, I uh….I’ve got a few things going on but uh…mostly I’m just…figuring it out.”

“I’ve been there.”

He winced when you said it, and looked at his feet. “Yeah, uh….I-I know.”

You didn’t answer. You chewed on your bottom lip and took another drag.

“I uh…” Kendall spoke again. “A few months back I wrote you a letter. Did you….did you get it?”

“Yeah I did…” You took a deep breath. “I read it.”

Kendall nodded, stared at his dress shoes, hunched over in his white shirt – the suit jacket and tie long since abandoned. “I uh….I hurt a lot of people…” he said, lifting his head, turning to face you. “I’m really trying to be better now.”

“Uh-huh,” You couldn’t help but keep the sarcasm from leaking into your tone. If it was months ago you would’ve given him a piece of your mind. But you had healed….for the most part.

“I’ve been sober for six months,” he said.

That softened you. “That’s great, Ken.”

He gave you a small and bashful smile, looking out at the horizon. The quiet no longer felt as heavy. Kendall straightened up.

“You look great, by the way,” he said, looking up at you from over his shoulder.

You bit your lower lip to keep from smiling, but you couldn’t really stop it. “Uh-huh,” you answered. “Well….you do too.” It was the truth. And you weren’t one to lie.

“Uh-huh. Thanks,” he smirked and looked back at the horizon, taking another drag.

You stayed with him a little longer, but when the dress you wore had you shivering on his porch, you decided it was time to go. Kendall protested, of course, offering to let you borrow a sweatshirt, saying you could sleep in one of his guest rooms, or at the very least call a car to take you home. But you refused all of it.

You were on your way out when he stopped you, your name on his lips, the warmth of his hand around your wrist, penetrative stare all-encompassing and halting you entirely.

“I think about you all the time, you know that?” he asked. “Every day. You were so good to me.”

His words made you shiver, or maybe it was left over from being outside in the cold. Either way, you were feeling a little overwhelmed, a bitter taste on your tongue despite the sweetness of his words. You wanted to believe him, to trust him so badly. Wanted to tell him so many things.

You just nodded in response.

“Can we….I-I want to see you again…” he said softly. “It doesn’t have to be anything, I just…I really missed you.”

It looked like he was going to cry again, standing so close you could see the shine lying dormant in his eyes. “I want to be able to talk to you again, at least. Is that…is that okay?”

You looked at the floor. You knew the best thing to do for yourself was to close this chapter of your life. It seemed like loving him would only ever end in heartbreak. But he was impossible, he was inevitable.

“Yeah, let’s just…” Take it slow. “Yeah, that’s okay.”

Relief washed over him, his face relaxing and a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Of course.”

He pulled you into another hug. “Thank you,” he murmured. He felt so warm and safe, and every bone in your body betrayed you as you surrendered to his touch.

“I missed you too,” you whispered, and kind of hoped he didn’t hear it. But he must have, holding you closer, pressing his lips into your hair, then your temple. After a little more time spent wrapped in his arms, you pulled away and then slipped out the door.

You would regret this, you thought. But you were going to do it anyways.

Part VIII

#if you're reading this please come into my inbox and ask me to share the photo i envisioned while writing about grey-haired ken because....#its something i think all kendall enjoyers need to see #kendall roy #kendall roy x reader #succession #succession writing #kengirls come get yall juice #stewy hosseini #shiv roy #logan roy #roman x reader #gerri kellman #greg hirsch #kendall roy x you #kendall roy angst

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tsuk0mii · 3 years ago

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Diluc x gn!reader

cw. fluff, school/modern!au, mean diluc at first, and one curse word (fuck)

note: hi everyone! sorry if i died for a while. as an apology, have a little fic about our favorite tsundere <3 hope you like it!!

You always wondered why Diluc ignored you so much. You tried to talk to him many times but he’ll just brush you off and walk away. You sighed, this was your hundredth attempt to talk to the male. “Diluc? Are you busy right now?” you tried to ask him to help you with your algebra homework but you didn’t even have time to ask because in a flash he left you talking to yourself.

You kicked a rock in frustration “Damn it… he left again!” you whined like a little kid “What are you doing?” you flinched and looked at the person behind you, “Hey Kaeya.. Nothing much, just another episode of Y/N getting ignored by Diluc.” He chuckled seeing the childish pout in your face, “Well, at least he doesn’t call you a nuisance.” He shrugs. Does he call Kaeya that? How mean. You thought to yourself. ''I guess… but do you know how frustrating it is?! Sometimes I just feel like he hates me…” You frown at the thought.

“Mm…” He pauses, “You know what I think? I think he just needs time to open up. He’s never talked to a girl before… or at least I’ve never seen him.” You look up at him “Maybe…” Kaeya then continued “You should try talking to him every day! That way he is sure to talk to you!” you glared at the blue haired male, “Are you serious? No way! He’ll just hate me even more!” You punch him on the arm lightly. “No, he won’t! I promise!” Raising his arms in surrender.

You personally thought that was a very stupid idea. Surely he would get annoyed but… at the same time, what if it worked? “Fine I’ll try… but! If anything goes wrong please make sure to come to my funeral.. You sniffled jokingly, “Nah, I have plans that day.” He shrugs at the questioning look you gave him, “You don’t even know when-” He interrupts you, “I have plans whenever your funeral is soooo….” You frown, kicking him on the shin, smiling when he yelped. “Oh fuck you!” Giving him a middle finger, “Yeah, yeah.” He rolls his eyes slowly getting up, “Come on, let’s get going. I’ll help you with your homework” Kaeya pats you on the head, “Yeah, thanks.” You mutter softly, he may be a pain in the ass sometimes but he sure does help you a lot.

So, let’s just say you weren’t as successful the first few days of your ‘Talk To Diluc’ mission but you found yourself getting more and more attached to the beautiful man. With every rejection, you felt this rush of anticipation filled with excitement. You would usually feel gloomy in every attempt but at some point, it all became an adventure, the adventures you couldn’t help but await every single day. Every day you would lay in bed, thinking about the one-sided conversation you had with DIluc. The way his eyebrows furrowed every time you directed your voice at him, his face that was always covered by annoyance, the little strand of his hair that you just want to brush back, Diluc himself, was the joy of your whole day.

You didn’t know it, but you were slowly falling in love.

“Diluc! How are you today?” he turned to you, a small blush in his face, but you wouldn’t know, of course. He looked away, your smile being as bright as ever. And for the first time ever, he… answered, “Good…” Your eyes widened, following him with your gaze as he left you standing there. This may not seem much to anyone else, in fact, some might find it offending but not you. You knew how much he ignored you and you knew this was a small step to something big.

From that day everything started to change, his one-word responses turned into sentences, and those sentences slowly turned into small conversations, and in less than a few months you two were spending time together. Your whole relationship had so much meaning behind it but… something changed… you started feeling the desire for more than just a small friendship, soon you realized you had fallen in love.

Reblogs are very much appreciated deary <33

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #diluc #diluc x reader #diluc fluff #diluc ragnvindr #*INHALE*#DILUUCCC #DIILUUUUUUUCCC #god i love him sm #yui.fics

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night-fallz · 3 years ago

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Jason Todd x Avengers Crossover

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Ao3 // Wattpad

previous II next

Unexpected (part 3)

If he knew that he would be blamed for murdering someone the moment he got back to Gotham, then Jason would’ve waited another week or two before returning.

No matter what a lot of people said, Jason wasn’t stupid. He knows not to expect things that were unlikely to happen.

Jason couldn’t risk raising his hopes when it came to the bats.

He knew that he wasn’t gonna receive a warm welcome filled with hugs and cupcakes. Honestly, the most he expected was a nod of acknowledgment. And if he was lucky, then maybe- maybe he would’ve gotten a smile with the quiet whisper of a welcome back.

It made his heart twist in all the wrong ways to know that his family didn’t trust him as much as he thought. Jason genuinely believed that he and the bats were on good enough terms to earn him the benefit of the doubt.

He forced himself not to flinch as he met Batman’s harsh, distrustful gaze.

“I wasn’t even here when he was killed,” Jason tried to say as calmly as he could, knowing that if he loses his temper, everyone would use it against him. “I was following a case up in New York.”

He couldn’t go back to Arkham! Not again. Not with the Joker only a few cells away from him, taunting him with his laughter— his voice filled with cruel exhilaration as he continuously promised Jason that they would play together once again. How he would soon be reunited with his favorite playmate.

His favorite Robin.

He heard someone suck in a breath behind him.

Jason didn’t expect anyone to defend him. Not against Batman. But still-

He didn’t expect them to just stand and watch as Batman tore him into shreds once again. Batman threw accusation over accusation, yet he never once provided a single piece of evidence that proved it was Jason that did it.

He took a step towards Jason and he had to force himself not to flinch. Batman wouldn’t… not with his kids in the same room.

He ignored the rising panic in his stomach. Jason was safe.

He was safe.

Bruce wouldn’t beat him in the cave. Not in front of everyone. Not in front of Damian.

Jason would be able to walk out of the cave with his ability to walk. He was gonna be okay.

“Look, B. You can even ask them,” he pointed at the spot where Dick and the others were standing. “I told them that I was leaving Gotham for a while.”

Batman turned to where Jason was pointing. “Well?” he asked expectantly.

The cave was engulfed in eerie silence before Tim opened his mouth, faltering a little when he met Jason’s pleading gaze. “He’s not lying Bruce. He told me that he had a mission out of Gotham while we were hanging out a few weeks ago.”

Jason could feel his chest loosen up for a few seconds, thankful that Tim confirmed his statement.

He remembered the day that Tim was talking about. The bats were getting even clingier than usual. They weren’t even trying to hide the fact that they were following Jason anymore.

Tim asked Jason if he wanted to watch a movie and Jason agreed.

The bats were gonna be watching him anyways— they didn’t even try to hide the fact that they bugged him and all the known safehouses he has.

At this point, Jason didn’t know whether he should feel offended with how much they underestimated or relieved.

They already viewed him as dangerous and unpredictable. If they ever find out that Jason’s been holding back, even if it was just a little-

He won’t let them throw him back to Arkham. Jason would rather go back to the League of Assassins.

If Jason wasn’t watching Batman so closely, he would’ve missed the sliver of a nod the man-made.

Jason tried not to think of the fact that Bruce immediately accepted Tim’s answer without hesitation.

For the millionth time in this conversation, he wished that he was wearing his helmet. Instead, he forced his expression to remain calm. To remain bored as turned back to Bruce an eyebrow raised.

“Is that good enough proof for you, old man?” he couldn’t help but spit out, bitterness clear in his voice.

Batman remained unaffected, not even bothering to verbally answer Jason’s question. Instead, he just nodded.

Jason’s heart clenched, of course, he wouldn’t get an apology. Batman was too prideful for that.

“Truth.” Cassandra’s voice rang across the cave, breaking the heavy silence. “No… not lie.”

Batman nodded once again and Cassandra’s eyes met his. It took everything in him to stop a retort from coming out of his mouth.

Couldn’t she have said that a few minutes ago? Before Batman ripped him apart like he was nothing but flimsy paper.

Still, he guessed he should be thankful that she defended him. Even though it was too late.

After a few seconds of no one saying anything, Dick broke the awkwardness with an annoying smile on his face. “Now that that’s settled, why don’t we get that movie started?”

It was only because of all his training that Jason didn’t break down right there.

Of course this was just another thing that they’d sweep under the rug. Something that they would never want to speak off again.

Discussions of what movie they were supposed to watch erupted the room. It didn’t take long for an argument to break out between Damian and Tim.

Jason watched the scene for a few seconds before looking away.

They looked like a real family.

He turned away, these things happened frequently enough for Jason to know that he wasn’t welcomed.

He blocked out all the noise as he walked towards his helmet, eager to put it back on.

It was only a matter of luck that the universe hated him so much that he knocked something down, the thumping noise alerting everyone that he was about to leave.

Jason couldn’t help but feel relieved that he put on his helmet as soon as he got his hands on it.

At least he didn’t have to go to all the trouble to force his expression to remain impassive anymore.

Batman could use it against him.

Dick’s eyebrows furrowed, “Where are you going, Jay? I thought you were joining us tonight.”

“Yeah, well maybe I’m not in the mood to watch a stupid movie tonight.” Jason spits out.

Was Dick being serious right now? There were so many things wrong with that question.

One: Why would Jason want to spend more time with the people who thought he murdered someone and didn’t even bother to defend him.

And two-

No one invited Jason.

Before anyone could say anything else, Jason hopped on his motorcycle. He needed to get out of the cave.

He could feel their eyes on his back but no one bothered to stop him.

The last thing he heard was Cassandra’s voice assuring the bats. “Be back,” she said with enough confidence that one would think that she could command Jason to turn around with only her words. “He will be back.”

Jason held in the harsh remark that threatened to leave his lips.

Plus, it wasn’t like Cassandra was lying. He knew it— and hell, the rest of Bats probably knew it too.

Jason would come back. He always did.

It wasn’t like he had anywhere else to go.

But for now, he needed to get away. He thought that one week would be enough to calm the pit.

It wasn’t.

In fact, he feels like the interaction with the bats today just made it worst.

He’ll stay away from them for two weeks. That should be enough time for the pit to stop screaming at him.

But who would he stay with?

Jason had enough experience to know that the best way to calm the pit was to surround yourself with people you trust.

Kori and Roy were still in space.

And Talia was busy with the civil war against Ra’s.

Jason had no one else.

Except-

His phone grew heavier in his pocket and he remembered that an Avenger owed him a favor.

Clint said that Jason could text him whenever.

And the more he thought about it, the more Jason decided that he did trust the archer in some way.

Jason soon found himself staring at the side mirror of the vehicle and poisonous green eyes stared back.

He quickly averted his eyes.

Clint was his last choice. And Jason couldn’t risk being in the peak of a pit episode without anyone to keep him in his place.

He could do this.

It wasn’t like he had another choice.

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notes:

Balancing out school and volleyball was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Only one month has passed and I am swamped with work.

I don’t know how I feel about this chapter. It’s not my best work but I wanted to put something out for you guys!!

I hope that you liked it.

I’m gonna spend this weekend to try and get my life together so hopefully, that means that next week will be easier for me.

Especially since I still need to finish my permit course. (If you couldn’t tell, I’m kinda hating sophomore year of high school right now)

Like always, please leave a comment. i love reading them and they just motivate me so much! And they would help an extra ton these days.

And once again, if you have any fanfic requests, questions, or just suggestions for a specific fanfic i’m writing, just leave it in a comment down below or you can just message me here on tumblr.

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irish-urn · 2 years ago

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I had thoughts on your thoughts and now I'm leaving an embarrassingly long ask

I know I shouldn't like this episode as much as I do (bc Casey is being treated as if she's in the wrong here) but it's soooooo good for understanding the house dynamics and relationships and characterization that UGH I just love it.

This episode is a prime example of how George and Nora aren't great parents. (Good people, I'm not hating on them for that) but they can do better. You're right, WHY DOESN'T Nora scold Derek with the laundry or for the pool? WHY does Nora tell Casey she's out of line for expecting Nora to, oh I don't know, PARENT? (That one in particular got to me. (I'm the anon from the blended family) and I've had this exact conversation with my mom. Myself and my older brothers definitely raised our younger siblings. And I've been in that situation where I was in the middle of disciplining my little sister when my mom got all offended because I wasn't my little sisters mom and I shouldn't have been disciplining her (make that make sense) then proceeded to get mad at me when I told her she needed to step it up as a mom (again, not trying to trauma dump, just trying to say how realistic LWD is 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂) all the while my step dad was just??? Not around??? Or if he was around, he didn't discipline either)

And I get it. They're human, and they're busy, and shit happens. But Jesus. Forgetting your children at school? Really? There is being human then there's negligence.

Don't even get me started on the muddling along comment 🙄

And yes, isn't Casey SUCH a control freak for suggesting a very basic laundry separating system 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Maybe its just my shipper brain, but I honestly don't think Derek was trying to antagonize her when he was essentially telling her to calm down. (Besides that "you are your delicates go take a cold water rinse" 😂) but he patted her on the shoulder and told her everything was fine. Because to him, compared to what we find out later in the episode about how they lived pre McDonald invasion, everything IS fine. The house is clean, sure the clothes are pink but it's not that deep compared to the trash piles that used to cover the dining room table and the kitchen island.

I just think with the "everything's fine" he just doesn't know how to talk to Casey yet and he doesn't really understand the full extent of her anxiety. And he said "boo hoo" only after she shoved him off of her. Maybe I'm reading into it too much 😂

When you said "she" doesn't have any other friends, do you mean Emily or Casey? Either way, it kind of answers your question. I think they're friends with each other out of convince more than anything. I don't think there is a lot tying them together and I think through the first season at the very least, Emily is using Casey 😬

Yes, I also think Casey is a big girly girl and I love that and I think Derek hates that 😂 there's this episode in season 3 (Ugh season 3, my beloved) when he goes off about how there is girly stuff all around... which would be a valid thing to complain about... if he was 10, not a 16 year old boy. I think Derek hates being around and reminded of Casey's femininity because he actually really likes what a princess she can be (see, NWF and the nail polish 😏) because think about it! He doesn't have an issue with Marti being a girly girl (anyone who says she isnt at least a little bit, please go watch the next episode Marti the Monster. Derek literally lets Marti put make up on him) maybe I'm reading into it too much again 😅 I just think she's cute and girly but not in a little sister way, and Derek hates that

Paul is one of the few voices of reason in this show and I LOVE him. And that "Oh my watch must be late" just for Casey to burst in literally one second later and start profusely apologizing foe being late– its one of my favorite scenes lmao.

George's parenting style is so... no.. yep. That's it. It's just like last episode. He thinks of his children more as friends than anything. Like when he's on the phone with the Davises, and he looks at Derek and scowls and goes, "don't worry, I will TALK. To. Him." And Derek literally just goes 👌🏼 Derek doesn't take his threat seriously. And why should he? George is more of a friend than a father.

Also, isn't it interesting that Derek makes dinner and gets praised for helping out whereas Casey does something for the family at least once and episode and it barely gets recognized 😒

Also, Derek earlier in the episode to Casey’s "I'm a team player!" "No, you're a big freak." God, he's such an asshole but I love him so much 😂

Derek DOES think of Casey when he's thinking about how to fix things. I mean, at the end of the day, I think it was out of laziness more than anything. A "I don't want to deal with this dumpster fire so someone else can" BUT it's interesting that he's starting to *KNOW* her. He knows she can do it.

*claps hands at your thoughts responding to my thoughts*

So, like, what I see with George and Nora (and you're right, this episode was SUCH an insight into them and their relationship and their parenting 'skills', and I really enjoyed it), is that Nora is adapting to George — she moved her family into his place, she's "muddling along" because he's asked her to, she's not disciplining the Venturi children because they're not hers — and I think to myself, this is where Casey learned this behaviour. She adapts to her boyfriends like her mom does.

And while I get that it's important to compromise in a relationship and consider the other person, there comes a point where it's gone too far? And, like... They've gone too far here.

And while the McDonald and the Venturi houses were very different with the single parents, they've gone super far towards the Venturi way — like, I would argue they've done 80% Venturi, 20% McDonald, and that's only because Casey has screamed for equality. So...

I also don't think Derek was trying to antagonize Casey very much in this episode, mostly because of your points about his improved living environment, but also because... Casey was already upset and frazzled without him doing anything extra. No need to actively antagonize someone who's already antagonized! And he only starts fighting Casey over the vacuum when she takes over (I bet'cha that was a pride thing; Jeeze, Casey, I can figure out how to work a damn vacuum!)

Annnnd we're on the same page with Casey the princess/girly-girl; and this pleases me. It also tortures Derek, and that pleases me too (mwahaha).

I AM SO TORN ABOUT GEORGE because he's NICE and SWEET and HOPELESS and FORGETFUL and OVERWHELMED and kinda a bit of a dumbass? Like, this would work IF Nora had approached him and said, "Hey, we need to get our act together because we have five kids now. I've noticed you're a little overwhelmed and kind of let your children run wild, and because I love you, I want to help you. Can we talk about ways to make this new family work?" But instead, she just goes along with George's way, and I... I dunno. Seeing George's parenting style this episode explained so much to be about Derek and Marti in particular. Edwin too, but not as much because he's adjusting to Derek's larger than life presence.

AND ISN'T IT ALWAYS THE WAY that when someone does something nice OOC, they get rewarded and praised, as opposed to the person who regularly does good things? *sighs* Ah, humans.

#asks #life with derek #honestly this re-watch is mostly just making me feel better about my portrayal of the characters #which sounds really vain/proud; but this is my tumblr and my blog so there

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spaceorphan18 · 4 years ago

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I starting to feel vindicated that more people are beginning to notice the overt racism in ian brennan’s episodes. I honestly don’t know how amber and jenna and even alex were able to survive in that toxic ass environment.

And also when amber said that only ryan and brad apologized for how they treated her character throughout the run of glee and ian’s name was noticeably left out, I knew it was a wrap for him.

I’ll have to keep an eye for that specifically! I knew out of the three original writers, he was my least favorite. I really know nothing about him personally, but as my friend @black-john-lennon has often pointed out to me, as well as others, and I see it more now that I’m aware of it, Glee does have a problem with writing POC characters, which crosses with their issues writing female characters, and it often leads to a big mess.

It was kind of amazing to me this time around how the episode essentially equated wanting to perform as a transgender person to being the “unique factor” or essentially an elaborate prop. That’s really offensive when you think about it.

Meanwhile, Tina is not only shit on -- but when she’s given a voice, she’s shut down being told, well, you’re not Rachel Berry, you don’t deserve it. I’m not a huge Tina fan at all, but no one deserved that. Add to that the fact that Tina’s own boyfriend, Mike, was on Rachel’s side is kind of unbelievable.

I don’t really follow anyone outside of Chris and Darren, so I can’t speak to what people are like in real life, but I am glad at least Ryan and Brad apologized to Amber for the way her character was treated, too. And I think what makes things more infuriating is the fact that the writers knowingly wrote their issues into the scripts and then lampshaded the problems -- which means acknowledging issues within the text, but not doing anything about it because they’d rather make their jokes, or make Rachel Berry the queen.

And as I’ve noticed in this unique (sorry no pun intended) rewatch, season three is the worst offender of a lot of their worst qualities.

#Anonymous

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snusbandxknifewife · 5 years ago

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Jurdanweek2020 Day 2 pregnancy/labor

Hey y’all so this is based on the story of my birth, because I’ll be damned if my mother didn’t play the part of Jude Duarte while my father acted as Cardan. In this fic, Jude is so sure that their daughter won’t be born on her due date, that she drags Cardan to the mortal world. Things go downhill quickly.

“Cardan shut the fuck up, we are fine!”

Cardan Greenbriar had tried for hours to convince his very stubborn—very pregnant—wife that maybe a trip to the mortal world this close to her due date wasn’t the wisest idea. Naturally, she stomped her foot and crossed her arms over her swollen belly and that was that, off to the mortal world they went.

“Jude, my love, will you at least let me carry your purse?” He would keep trying to help her until she finally snapped and killed him.

Jude wasn’t happy about having to carry a purse now, but she was unable to lean down to strap a knife to her thigh and her breasts had grown too large for her to force a dagger between them without risking injury, so a handbag was her only option to carry her weaponry. Cardan, wisely, had long since decided that questioning his wife’s ability to even wield a knife in her current state wasn’t the smartest move.

She huffed and shoved the bag square into the center of his chest before turning on her heel and waddling her way down the baby aisle of the local Target.

She had no mortal maternity clothing, so she’d settled for wearing a simple dress of flowing silk, held closed by a belt just under her breast and giving way to the large belly that she always kept one protective hand on. Cardan walked closely behind her, his mortal sneakers squeaking against the linoleum floor as he tried not to remind himself that this was very stupid.

Jude Duarte Greenbriar, his wife and the High Queen of Elfhame, had given new meaning to the term stubborn today. As the entire palace tittered with excitement over it being the baby’s due date—she would forever curse herself for sharing that information from her human OBGYN—she’d lost her cool. A strongly worded letter had been sent to every one in her family and any courtier or guard close enough to the royal chambers could hear her screaming at her husband about how “THE BABY WILL NOT BE COMING TODAY SO EVERYBODY CAN JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!”

Then she’d decided that they needed something called a “pacifier,” whatever that was, and next thing he knew they were walking into Target.

Jude had wanted to go alone, but Cardan had been wise enough to insist that Fand and the Bomb accompany them. She’d finally given in, but only once they’d promised to stay out of sight the entire time.

He was, naturally, fucking panicking. Today was their daughter’s due date, and now that Jude had gone and told everyone off, all their family and friends would be preparing for the upcoming Christmas festivities, set for two weeks in the future. They had no way to get in contact with anyone if the worst were to happen.

Jude picked out a set of pink pacifiers with different zoo animals drawn on them. Evidently unsatisfied, she then set about grabbing every baby blanket and stuffed toy she could possibly reach. Cardan was bemused, but chose to hold everything she handed him, rather than fight her.

“Do we need diapers?” She asked, both hands under her belly as she looked over her shoulder.

“Our baby will be fae,” he reminded her. “No need to worry about all that.”

He couldn’t help his snort of laughter as she looked heavenward and thanked the gods.

Then she was back on her quest, looking for something or another that they suddenly, desperately needed for the baby, despite her not even knowing it had existed a few minutes ago. When her eyes catch on a baby pink stuffed lion on the top shelf, she got up on her tippy toes and reached for it, her fingers just barely brushing against its little feet.

Cardan, seeing his wife struggling and being comically taller than her, reached over and plucked the little toy with ease, not noticing how Jude froze when he did.

Her face twisted in anger and disgust and she stomped her foot once more. He, thinking he had somehow offended her by helping her out, was halfway through apologizing before she loudly announced that she thought she’d just peed herself and he needed to go get her new panties while she went to the bathroom.

She left in a flurry of silk skirts and wild hair, headed for the woman’s restroom and leaving her poor husband behind with an armful of baby products and a rogue thought about how uncomfortable it must be for mortals to have to do things like go to the bathroom.

After so long with his Jude, he had come to love all her mortal quirks. Her rounded ears were his favorite part of her body and her dulled senses made it all the easier to surprise her. But he still found himself occasionally wishing that she wasn’t a mortal, now solely because he saw all the discomfort it brought her. Pregnancy had kept her sick and cranky for nine full months. He’d never known a fae mother to have such terrible morning sickness, and he had no idea how mortal women did anything while pregnant, given how often they had to pee.

“I’ll get her the panties.” He about jumped out of his skin when the Bomb popped up behind him, like she’d been lurking just one aisle over and had heard everything.

By this point in the pregnancy, he’d long since learned when he just needed to shut up and go with the flow, so he went about purchasing all the new baby products with a few leaves glamoured to look like mortal money. When he looked up, Target bags hanging from his fingers and handbag firmly situated on his shoulder, his wife was waiting by the exit with her arms crossed.

“The Bomb promised to stay away,” she explained with a scowl. “Why’d she bring me panties?”

“She promised to stay out of sight,” he countered as lovingly as he could in an effort to calm her. “I’d say, as long as she didn’t come in the stall with you, she kept her promise.”

He transferred all the bags to one hand so he could grab hers. Jude, scowl still plastered across her face, took his hand and led him out of the Target.

“I want donuts.” She switched her direction mid-step and started stalking down the sidewalk towards the little donut shop in the same plaza as the Target.

Cardan sat across from her at a two-person table in the donut shop for close to an hour, just watching as she angrily ate three glazed donuts. He’d left their shopping bags outside for Fand to grab and have sent back to Elfhame.

It was as he watched Jude eat her third donut that he began to sense something was amiss. Every so often, his darling little demon of a wife would get inexplicably angrier, her brow furrowing and her nostrils flaring and her teeth grinding down. Then, after a minute or so, she’d go back to her calmer level of pissed off.

As Jude announced that she wanted to go buy something called “pads” for after the baby’s birth, Cardan started paying more attention. He grabbed her handbag and kept his other hand firmly on the small of her back, feeling how she’d tense up for a few minutes and then go back to normal.

Holding Jude’s brand new supply of extra absorbent pads, and the few extra things she’d spent an hour dragging him around the store for, Cardan fully began to panic. Jude’s episodes were getting longer and closer together.

He’d done enough reading to know she was having contractions, and he’d done enough reading to know that when you have contractions two minutes apart, you aren’t getting on a ragwort steed and making it back to Elfhame.

When Jude went to the bathroom again, Cardan was ready for the Bomb.

“She’s in labor,” they announced simultaneously.

“Send word to her sisters and have the healers ready for when we return.” Cardan let out a sigh. “I think we’re having this baby in the mortal world.”

“I’ll call Vivienne.” Just like that, the Bomb was gone.

Cardan could fall to his knees and weep with relief at the reminder that Vivienne lived close. She was only a few minute’s drive away, she would know the way to the hospital, she’d be able to help him get Jude in the damn car.

By the time Jude was out of the bathroom, Vivi had broken a minimum of seven laws to get to them and she was waiting outside the front door, heavy parka pulled up over her pointed ears and dark sunglasses blocking her cat eyes.

“What’s all this?” Jude looked ready to murder Cardan, and he didn’t doubt she could do it even with him having all her knives. “Cardan, I wanted to be alone!”

“Jude, you’re in labor,” he announced, doing his best to keep his voice calm. Internally he was losing it, but he didn’t think that letting her see that would help the situation.

“No I’m no—“ she breaks off with a growl, her face contorting in anger right on time with the counting in Cardan’s head. From his reading and the stories he’d heard, he expected tears or screaming when her contractions got this bad, not to have her hide her pain behind a wall of pure fury.

He opened the car door and threw their shopping bags in, offering a hand to his wife and desperately trying to coerce her into the car. “Darling please, we need to get to the hospital. I don’t know how to deliver a child, and I don’t plan on finding out today.”

“They’re just Braxton-Hicks,” she tries again, almost whining. “I’m not having the baby today!”

“Baby says otherwise,” Vivi calls out from the front seat as Jude once again tenses. “Now get in the damn car, it’s a fifteen minute ride to the hospital.”

“We can’t go to the hospital!” Jude digs in her heels and looks to Cardan with wide eyes, suddenly coming to terms with the fact that they were in the mortal world. “Cardan, our baby has pointed ears and a tail!”

They’d been going to regular OBGYN appointments and seeing ultrasounds of the baby so they’d have an idea of what animal characteristic their child would present, glamouring the doctor after every visit. They knew that their little girl had a tail like her daddy. That would be a fucking problem if the hospital noticed.

“You focus on the hard part and leave the glamouring to me, darling,” he said with a kiss to her forehead.

Vivi had to threaten to knock her out and drag her into the backseat before she finally gave up and climbed in, grumbling the whole time.

“Cardan, start timing.” Vivi threw an old wristwatch over her shoulder and he caught it mid-air, marking the time and then staring at his wife as his sister-in-law did her very best to break the sound barrier with a beat-up SUV.

By the time they made it to the hospital, Jude was silent, save for her episodes of heavy breathing. A minute and a half apart now.

They pulled up to the women’s center and Cardan picked his wife up like she weighed no more than a feather. Vivi sped off, promising to go pick up Heather and return with food and a baby bag, since they were going to be in for the long haul.

Cardan made it to the maternity ward check in and was suddenly faced with the fact that he had literally no idea what to do here. Back in Elfhame, Jude would’ve had the baby in the comfort of their private rooms, with healers waiting on her hand and foot. The sterile smell and white walls of this mortal hospital made him infinitely more nervous than the comfort of their home would’ve.

“Hello sir,” the receptionist lady started, eyeing how he held his wife and how she didn’t seem at all panicked, and deciding that she has another father who had no clue what’s going on. Her tone was somewhere between soothing and mocking, like she’d dealt with this sort of thing all day. “If you’d like to fill out these forms—“

“My wife’s contractions are a minute and a half apart,” he cut her off, his fear somehow taking a backseat and his voice coming out with all the authority of a High King.

The receptionist’s eyes went wide. “I’m sorry, what?”

He maneuvered Jude so he could throw the watch down on the desk. Then he counted down from five and, right on time, Jude tensed with a contraction.

Then it was a flurry of movement, the receptionist throwing the papers to the side and calling for a wheelchair as Cardan stood dumbfounded. A nurse took Jude from his arms and settled her in a wheelchair before running through a set of double doors, leaving him to chase after her.

They ended up in what looked like a little sitting room with a table in the center. Then, as he watched, the nurse hit a few buttons in the wall and the whole room transformed. The two chairs pulled away from the table and the table unfolded into a bed, lowering down enough for Jude to climb up.

His wife was far past claiming that the baby wouldn’t be coming today. She’d gone somewhere within herself, both hands on her belly and focus written in every line on her face.

He helped the nurse undress her and tied her into a hospital gown while they strapped her into a bazillion different monitors. Soon, her heartbeat filled the room and he was watching all the screens, utterly terrified by his confusion.

“Can you give a urine sample?” A small nurse with a sickeningly fake grin asked, holding up a little plastic cup.

“Not with my baby’s head in the way,” Jude grunted in response, her teeth grinding down and one of her hands reaching for her husband’s. “Can you get the doctor?”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad, sweetie, let’s see how far along you are.” Cardan’s brow twitched at the offhanded way she spoke to his wife and he found himself gripping her hand harder to keep her from swinging for the nurse as the woman bent under the blanket, pulling Jude’s knees apart.

She was down there for a few seconds before popping back up, that smile even bigger as she said, “you’re at about nine centimeters. Don’t you worry at all, I’ll go get the doctor!”

Cardan, unaccustomed to speaking to many mortals, would’ve never thought twice about her words, if it weren’t for the way Jude snorted at the nurse all but sprinted out of the room.

“She’s lying,” Jude observed, sounding callous.

“My love?” He turned to her, new fear sprouting in his stomach.

“The nurse is lying about how dilated I am.” She nodded after where the woman had run out. “They have you start pushing at ten. She checked me and then said I was a nine and ran. That’s what they tell you when you’re at a ten and the doctor isn’t here.”

That comment leaves his mouth tasting like ash and she must see something amusing in the way his face changes, because she gives a little laugh.

For the next ten minutes or so, nobody came in except for one nurse who tried to force Jude again to give a urine sample, only getting blood and one pissed off couple for her efforts.

Jude turned onto her left side and Cardan sat on the bed by her hip, fingers carding through her hair and opposite hand rubbing her back to help her through a contraction.

They were like this when the door slammed open and a man, wearing a suit that most definitely wasn’t even close to sterile scrubs, ran in.

“I’ll be right back!” His hair was wild and his jacket half off as he held out both hands, almost like he was telling them both to wait. Just that quickly, he was gone again.

“What in the hell—“ Jude broke off with a groan and her heart rate spiked. Cardan may not know a lot, but he wasn’t that stupid, he knew this baby was coming soon.

A minute or so later, the door crashed open again and the doctor skidded into the room sideways, his scrubs pulled up to his elbows and a nurse tying on his cap as he finished adjusting one of his gloves.

“Let’s have a baby!”

Cardan watched in fascination as the man picked up what looked like a magic wand with a bulb on the end. He held it high above his head and pressed a button, causing the bulb to flash and all the lights to come out of the ceiling and angle towards the wand. The doctor then ordered the nurses to get Jude on her back and aimed the lights between her legs.

“Jude, did you see that?” Cardan asked, his jaw on the floor as he battled between awe at mortal technology and amusement at how his wife was now lit up like a stage. “The lights followed him!”

“I’m a little busy!” Jude hissed back and Cardan suddenly remembered that, oh yeah, his wife was literally in labor, and he should probably be paying attention to that instead of the lights.

“Shit, sorry!” He gripped her hand once more and kissed her forehead.

The whole room was alive with movement as the doctor got Jude in the right position and she began to push. One nurse was watching the monitors, keeping an eye on both mom and baby. Another was trying to force Jude to take some oral medication called Tylenol, because she had nothing to ease her pain, and Jude was batting her away. A third nurse held an oxygen mask to Jude’s face and kept one of her legs back.

Cardan held his wife’s hand and kept his other hand on her knee. He tuned into her, watching how a preternatural calm took over. The only thing giving away her pain was how she was nearly breaking his hand with every contraction.

He knew that a lot of woman were in labor for a long time, and that some pushed for hours, so this all seemed to be moving quite quickly. He kept his eyes on her face, on how focused she was on their baby. She still wasn’t crying, wasn’t screaming in pain. She just looked angry with every push, like she was using her fury to keep her cool in the situation.

Then something changed, just a little. She’d been pushing too hard, hadn’t stopped long enough to recover. For just one moment, Cardan saw fear flit across her face.

“I can’t breathe!” Cardan’s heart leapt as his wife cried out and he frantically ran through his options, trying to find something, anything to do to help her.

Then the nurse with the oxygen mask made a mistake.

“I just don’t think you’re trying very hard,” she snapped at Jude. It was the same woman who’d lied about how dilated Jude was.

Pure, unadulterated rage grew from the very pit of his stomach, but he didn’t get the chance to unleash it. Instead, he watched his wife’s eyes go murderous, her face go as blank as it did every time she held a knife to someone’s throat.

She stopped pushing and sat up, raising one finger to point at the nurse’s forehead like a witch laying a curse.

“GET THE FUCK OUT!”

It was the loudest he’d ever heard her scream, and her shout was a low bark instead of a shrill order. She was a general ordering a court marshall, the High Queen ordering an execution, not a woman going through the pain of childbirth.

The nurse fell back in shock, turning to him like she expected him to counteract his wife’s wishes.

“Get the fuck out!” He waved a hand to the door and made a face at the very idea that he’d even think of going against his wife’s word when she was busy birthing his daughter. How fucking dare this woman?

The nurse, now completely flabbergasted, turned to the doctor, who had only looked up when he heard the screaming. He took one look at Jude’s face and told the nurse to get the fuck out.

Jude grabbed the oxygen mask from the nurse as she left and held it to her own face, turning back to the ordeal of childbirth with twice the ferocity of before. It wasn’t a minute afterwards that the crying of their child filled the room.

Cardan threw himself full-force into glamouring away their daughter’s ears and her tail, a short little tail of fluffy black fur, sticking out like a sore thumb the way a kitten’s tail always does. The nurse and doctor didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary as they laid the little girl on Jude’s chest and asked Cardan to cut the cord.

She had a shock of midnight black hair just like her father and she certainly shared her mother’s temper as she angrily cried her little heart out, her face turning red.

Jude didn’t relax as they took her away to clean and measure her. She stayed focused on the rest of the birth, nodding her head to Cardan to tell him to keep an eye on their daughter.

It wasn’t until the little girl was weighed and cleaned and wrapped in a blanket that Jude keyed into the fact that it was over, their baby was here. She took the child in her arms again and wept, holding her as close as she could.

Cardan reaches a finger out, running it over the tiny pointed ear that only he and Jude could see. In response, the baby flexed her little hand and showed that she had the claws of a housecat.

His heart swelled with an emotion he couldn’t really describe as he took in the sight of his wife and daughter, his two girls.

The next two hours consisted of Vivi and Heather showing up, the Bomb in tow with a carriage to take them home since there was absolutely no way Jude was getting on a ragwort horse in her state. Vivi couldn’t believe that the baby was already there, just a half hour after she’d dropped Jude off. Cardan had to glamour their way out of the hospital after stealing the baby from the nursery, removing a little pink bow from her forehead that they’d affixed with toothpaste.

“Who the fuck puts toothpaste on a baby?” He raised an eyebrow at Jude from across the carriage, holding their daughter during the ride back so Jude could lay down.

It was a mess getting her out, especially so soon after birth. He’d had the Bomb ensure that healers were waiting in their chambers to help her in ways that the mortal doctors couldn’t, so he knew that it was best to move them both as soon as possible, but it still hurt him to see how drained she was.

“I can’t believe they put toothpaste on our baby,” he continued, looking down to where his daughter was watching him intently with big black eyes. He knew then and there, as he looked to her, that he was in trouble. He’d never recover from how much he loved this little girl.

“What in the world are we going to name her?” His whisper filled the carriage and Jude blinked back tears once again. Just seeing him with their little girl did things to her heart that she didn’t even know could be possible.

“Well,” she started, doing her best not to move too much, “why did your parents name you Cardan?”

“I don’t pretend to know why my parents did anything,” he snorted. “Why were you named Jude?”

She smiled up at the carriage ceiling. “I was named after a song that my mother enjoyed. Hey Jude. It was by a band called The Beatles.”

“You’ll have to show me the song sometime.”

She laid her hands on her belly, which still looked pregnant, and studied how her husband’s long fingers curved over their bundled up daughter.

“How about Lucille?”

He made a questioning noise, obviously having gotten lost in their baby’s eyes.

“Lucille,” she tried again. “The band who wrote the song I’m named for had another song, Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds. We could name her Lucille and only ever call her Lucy. It would make it all the harder to guess her truename.”

“Do you ever stop scheming, my darling nemesis?” He smiled as he turned the name over in his head. He liked the idea of naming their little girl after a song, especially a mortal one. He wanted her to be proud of her roots.

“Not when it comes to protecting my family,” she promised, her voice suddenly grave.

Cardan just smiled again and looked up at his wife, at his whole world.

“Lucille Greenbriar,” he tried the name out. “Little Lucy.”

Jude’s face softened once more and she reached out to take the baby, tucking the child close to her chest as they sailed over Elfhame.

“I like it,” he announced.

~~~~~~~~~~~

For those of you keeping track at home, here’s a list of things that:

My mother actually did during labor/my birth that Jude Duarte 100% would’ve done:

•Refused to believe I would be born on my due date. Was so adamant that she called every family member and told them to leave her the fuck alone/stop fucking asking about the baby/there was no way the baby would be born on her due date so shut up

•Confused her water breaking for peeing on herself

•Had to be threatened with physical violence before she’d go to the hospital

•Had to remind a nurse that she couldn’t actually pee with a bABY’S HEAD IN THE WAY DIPSHIT

•Called a nurse out for lying

•Pointed at the nurse who told her she “wasn’t trying that hard” and screamed to GET THE FUCK OUT

•Took no medication because she was a fucking boss, held her on oxygen mask after she fired the nurse. Didn’t cry or yell, just got angry

•Had her baby 30 minutes after showing up to the hospital. On the baby’s due date

My father literally did during my mom’s labor/my birth that Cardan Greenbriar 100% would have done:

•Stood by and let his wife call all the family yelling, even though it was two weeks from Christmas and he knew they’d have no way to get in contact if the baby came (everyone was 15 hours away and it was pre cellphone)

•Started timing his wife’s contractions and then dragged her into the car when they were 2 minutes apart after a huge fight

•Slam dunked on the receptionist when they checked in

•Was in awe of the hospital technology

•Literlly, I’m not kidding, when the doc did the whole “lights pointing at the wand” thing and aimed all the room lights at his wife’s crotch he actually yelled “Honey look! You’re a star!”

•Backed his wife tHE FUCK UP when she fired a nurse (the doctor also literally told the nurse to get tf out that really happened. He also really 100% did slide into the room with scrubs half on)

•Asked a nurse why the fuck she put toothpaste on his baby

•Named his baby after a song

My parents’ best friends did that Vivienne would’ve done:

•Brought the baby bag because the dipshits forgot it

•Went “what the fuck do you mean the baby is already here it’s been half an hour”

•(not in the story but) Offer the pregnant lady fried chicken and then never make it iT’S BEEN 21 YEARS SIR WHERE IS HER CHICKEN

•Help no-longer-pregnant lady sneak out cuz she didn’t wanna be there anymore

~~~~~~~~~

Tag list: @cardan-greenbriar-tcp @hizqueen4life @slightlyrebelliouswriter23 @thewickedkings @aelin-queen-of-terrasen @cheekycheekycheeks lol just tell me if you wanna be added

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anotherkindofmindpod · 5 years ago

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I’d love for you guys to have Mark Lewisohn on your show just to grill him. As someone who’s experienced workplace bullying and sexual assault, that he would go so far as to paint Klein as “heroic” when he said things like “reluctant virgin” is just so devastating to me. It makes me feel ill. I do NOT want this man to have a say in Beatles history. I love the Beatles. I don’t want that tainted by people who will paint over abuse just to feed their own self importance.

We vehemently agree, Listener! Thank you for writing in.

Our list of grievances with Mark Lewisohn is long, but in a nutshell we believe his intent is to publicly “redeem” John Lennon and we have seen copious evidence that he will go to whatever lengths he has to in order to do this.

That includes, but is not limited to:

Claiming that readers of his Tune In Series may consider Klein the “hero” of the Beatles break-up

Deliberately spreading the demonstrably false lie that John (and Yoko) did not have a significant heroin problem in the late 60s and early 70s (Lewisohn suggests Cold Turkey is just John playing make believe)

Displaying unapologetic favoritism by using glowing terms to portray John and Yoko as the world’s most perfect romance, as opposed to Paul and Linda, whose 29-year marriage he dismisses as “conventional” and motivated by appearances (namely Linda’s pregnancy, even though it was planned) and Green Card needs

Stating that he could tell from watching the infamous “it’s a drag” clip that Paul was kind of sad, but primarily annoyed at how much positive attention John was getting on the day of his murder

Apparently suggesting to an audience of his Power Point Show that Paul maybe stole a leg off Yoko’s bed (the bed she had delivered and built in the Beatles’ recording studio, mind you), a personal “theory” which is based on the fact that Paul later wrote a song called “Three Legs” (you know that song: “My dog, he got three legs, like the bed you inappropriately brought into Abbey Road 2 years ago which I secretly vandalized behind your back because I have nothing better to do, am certainly not busy writing the Beatles Swan Song and don’t have a fucking 7 year old at home or anything”)

This isn’t even to mention Tune In, which could be a whole separate post and episode. Suffice it to say, this book often reads less like a Beatles biography and more like John Lennon Fanfiction to us.

Lewisohn managed to distinguish himself by doing (some) research and unearthing some original documents. That he had some skill in research is not surprising given that he started his career in Beatledom as a researcher for Norman, on his book Shout — which Lewisohn still contends is a good book. Norman, on the other hand has evolved his opinion of his own work and thinks Shout was flawed, so has written a whole biography on Paul to make up for what he sees as the failure of Shout, which is his underestimation of Paul. Unfortunately, Lewisohn does not seem to have made this same journey. He pays lip service to John and Paul being equal, and then spends all of his time and energy trying to prove otherwise. Norman says that he has created a monster in Lewisohn. We take his point.

One of our biggest issues with Lewisohn is that he vigorously promotes himself as an unbiased truth teller, and his calm manner seems to telegraph this. But it is not true. The research that Lewisohn does and the spin that he applies to his findings are all heavily biased. As we mentioned in one of our episodes, he travelled to Gibraltar simply to experience where John and Yoko got married. Yet when Paul calls the May 9th meeting over management the metaphorical cracking of the Liberty Bell, Lewisohn doesn’t even bother to Google it so he can understand the metaphor.

What he chooses to research is also a form of bias. For example, we at AKOM are very interested in Paul’s relationship with Robert Fraser during the Beatle years — since Paul has commented that Fraser was one of the most important, influential people in his life. Paul McCartney was the concept artist behind Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, the Magical Mystery Tour film, the iconic Apple logo, and he co-designed the covers of the White Album and Abbey Road. All of these are pretty defining moments in the Beatles’ career. As Beatles fans, we’d like to know more about Paul’s art education and influences. But we would be shocked if Lewisohn dug into Fraser at all beyond his relationship as John and Yoko’s gallerist/curator (and heroin dealer, but since that isn’t a thing in Lewisohn’s world then maybe he will be ignored).

We think Lewisohn benefits massively from the fact that Beatles authorship was like the Wild West since its inception, when everyone with a connection to the Beatles (plus or minus a personal axe to grind) wrote a book about their experience. It was absolute chaos, with no rules, no checks and balances, uncredited sources, etc. Just an absolute shit show. What Lewisohn did was bring some order to the chaos with some proper documentation. But again, what he chooses to dig into often reflects bias. And this certainly does not mean that he is intellectually or emotionally equipped to interpret his findings. Doing this takes social intelligence and insight, which is a very different skill. As a creator of myths, he is no better (and no more insightful or original) than many of the others who came before him; he worships John Lennon and freely admits it. He is not even close to being unbiased. But in this dumpster fire of a fandom he has at least checked some boxes and done some digging. The fact is, the bar has been so low for so long that Beatles fans don’t even know how to expect or want better. But WE certainly expect better. We expect some breakthrough, fresh thinking. Not just Shout with Receipts.

We think it’s significant that Lewisohn was deeply disliked by George Harrison, who lobbied to get him kicked him off the Anthology project. He was fired from Paul’s fan club magazine, and yet no one seems to think he might hold a grudge about that, too? Lewisohn so distorted John and Paul’s relationship in Tune In that he believes he is the target of the lyrics in Paul’s song “Early Days.“ And he either thinks that’s flattering or funny, because Lewisohn seems to truly believe he knows John Lennon better than Paul McCartney does. We find it almost tragic that Paul is so bothered by the way his experience and relationship is being portrayed by authors (perhaps Lewisohn) that he wrote a song about it. In it, he conveys his frustration and heartache about how everything is misconstrued and we find it absolutely outrageous that Lewisohn would not take this to heart. Perhaps Lewisohn thinks Paul should listen to him for a change? And if he doesn’t like it, then tough, because Lewisohn knows better? We think Lewisohn should do some serious soul-searching about “Early Days” because if one of his main subjects is saying, “you are getting it wrong and it is breaking my heart”….maybe, just maybe, he should listen and rethink things. Maybe apply a little creativity, out-of-the-box thinking and empathy. This is what his heroes did.

Meanwhile, Jean Jackets are SO BUSY complaining that Paul McCartney doesn’t like Lewisohn because he “tells the truth!” that they fail to notice that Lewisohn has become a mouthpiece for Yoko Ono. He has already started white-washing John Lennon’s history, promoting John and Yoko as the true and only geniuses versus Paul as the craven, small-minded Lennon disciple who (through no virtue of his own) was born with the ability to write some nice tunes. Lewisohn’s version of John, on the other hand, is ALWAYS a sexy, visionary genius on the right side of every issue. He even went out of his way to recently trash Paul’s early 70’s albums, which -in addition to being obnoxious and we believe wrong (since we love them)- is totally outside his purview.

Lastly, to address your original point, Lewisohn’s claim that Klein may be viewed as the “hero” of his Beatles History reveals that he hasn’t shown sufficient empathy or interest in Paul’s experience. This claim at best ignores and at worst condones the fact that Klein was an abusive monster to one of the two founding members of the Beatles. As we discussed in Episode 4, Klein was a criminal who bullied Paul in his creative workspace, disrespected Paul in his own office in front of his own employees and actively pitted Lennon against McCartney for years. It’s hard to imagine ANYONE who inflicted more damage on the Beatles and Lennon/McCartney than Allen Klein. In addition to the wildly inappropriate “reluctant virgin” nickname, he verbally threatened to “own Paul’s ass” (to which Paul responded “he never got anywhere near my ass”). Klein was so disrespectful to Paul and Linda’s marriage he pitched the idea of procuring “a blonde with big tits” to parade in front of Paul to lure him away from Linda and destroy their relationship. Let’s also never forget that Klein contributed lyrics to the song “How Do You Sleep.” Allen Klein literally gave Paul nightmares. Anyone who so much as pretends to care about Paul’s break-up era depression (including his alcohol abuse, his inability to get out of bed and his terrifying sleep paralysis) would not champion Allen Klein.

Yes, Klein is a human being and therefore has his own POV, same as anyone else. But a Beatles biographer is beholden to four points of view only: John, Paul, George and Ringo. And when an outsider is openly hostile to one of the Beatles and damaging long-term to all of the Beatles, it is beyond inappropriate to portray him as a hero. This type of comment, made publicly to an audience of Beatles fans, invalidates and seeks to erase the real trauma inflicted on Paul McCartney by Allen Klein, and we think Lewisohn should apologize for his comments.

Instead, Lewisohn’s current buddy is Peter Brown, whose book, The Love You Make so offended and angered Paul and Linda that they literally burned their copy (and photographed it burning for good measure). This information doesn’t appear to bother Lewisohn in the least. Why not?

George referred to Norman’s Shout as “Shit.” But Lewisohn thinks it’s a great book. Why?

How any Beatles or Paul or even George fans tolerate Lewisohn is baffling to us; we don’t recognize a real human being in his version of Paul, and his version of John is a superhero rather than a man. We suspect that fans have come to accept the traditional story and at least appreciate some properly-documented facts.

But as we are constantly trying to demonstrate on our show, just because the story has always been told one way, doesn’t mean it’s right. Because in the end, Mark Lewisohn has no special insight. He wasn’t there. He is a guy who bought into a narrative during the Shout era, and is cherry picking his findings to support it.You can find a discussion of Lewisohn here

#MarkLewisohn #anotherkindofmind podcast #Beatles #Lewisohn is a joke

289 notes · View notes

heartofether · 3 years ago

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Episode 16 - Lorelei TRANSCRIPT

[You can listen to the show wherever you get your podcasts, or go to our “Listen” page if you’re on desktop.]

VAL

Warning: This episode contains discussions and descriptions of child abuse, and may not be suitable for all audiences. For exact time stamps and a full list of content warnings, please check the show notes. We suggest you check the content warnings regardless, since this is a bit of an intense episode, and contains instances of panic attacks, screaming, and violence. Listener discretion is advised.

AUTOMATED VOICE

[VERY SLOWED DOWN] Please state your message.

[THEME SONG PLAYS.]

VAL

Three-eyed Frog Presents: The Heart of Ether.

[THEME SONG FADES TO A STOP.]

[PHONE BEEP.]

[INT./EXT. OUTSIDE OF LORELEI FOSTER’S HOUSE, DAYTIME.]

[THE SOUND OF A RAVEN CAWING IS HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND.]

AGENT JUNE

Jeez, this place smells like a zoo.

AGENT MAY

I need to introduce the recording. Interview with Lorelei Foster, at her home. Part of Operation Saturn, phase 1.2. Conducted by Agents May and June. All— [CUTTING HIMSELF OFF] June, hey, stay in the car!

[AS HE TALKS, AGENT JUNE IS HEARD OPENING THE CAR DOOR AND STARTING TO STEP OUT.]

AGENT JUNE

What? Come on, dude, I’m getting impatient.

AGENT MAY

We’ll go up to her door in a minute. There’s just—I need to ask you something first.

AGENT JUNE

Oh. Why didn’t you just say so?

[HE CLIMBS BACK INTO THE CAR, CLOSING THE DOOR. AGENT MAY SIGHS.]

AGENT MAY

[SLIGHTLY NERVOUS] You are aware of the case of Lorelei Foster, correct?

AGENT JUNE

Uh, obviously. She was a part of some coven and they all went missing except for her. She moved to this house way outside of town and refused to show her face.

AGENT MAY

Well, under the naming conventions of Valencia and Wood, the Foundation believes that Lorelei Foster is what is known as a “Beastly.” What she could be capable of—it’s not something to play around with. Okay? She could be dangerous. Not deadly, per say, but still potentially devastating in her power.

AGENT JUNE

[PANICKED SARCASM] Wow, that’s super comforting, Agent May.

AGENT MAY

Just don’t say or do anything stupid, alright? Also, if when we see her, she looks, you know, different, don’t comment on it. Act like you don’t even notice.

AGENT JUNE

That’s all? Well, don’t worry about it, then. I’ve never judged a book by its cover. I’ll just stand there and act as well-behaved as I always do.

AGENT MAY

[UNDER HIS BREATH] That’s what I feared.

[THEY BOTH GET OUT OF THE CAR AND WALK UP TO HER FRONT DOOR. IT'S A LOVELY DAY OUTSIDE, WITH BIRDS CHIRPING AS IF NOTHING IS WRONG. AGENT MAY KNOCKS.]

AGENT MAY

Ms. Foster? This is Agents May and June. We’re with the Harper Foundation. We’re here to ask you a few questions.

[A RAVEN CAWS AS THERE IS NO RESPONSE.]

AGENT JUNE

Maybe she’s not home?

AGENT MAY

I don’t believe she ever leaves her house. Look at her car. It’s untouched. I’m sure she even gets her groceries delivered, somehow.

[HE KNOCKS AGAIN.]

AGENT MAY

We do not wish to harm you or bring you into custody, Ms. Foster. We won’t tell anyone what you are or what you’re doing here. We simply believe you may have some helpful insight on Ether. Just let us ask a few things, and then we’ll be out of your way.

[THERE’S A LONG PAUSE.]

AGENT JUNE

Maybe it’s a lost cause. Well, at least we can say we tried. Guess we should just—

[AS HE’S TALKING, THE DOOR CREAKS OPEN JUST A CRACK.]

LORELEI

You do not plan on taking photographs, do you?

AGENT MAY

We’re recording this over audio. Nobody will see your face except for the two of us, we promise.

AGENT JUNE

Yeah, don’t sweat it. We’re not gonna—[STARTLED] Oh my god!

[AS HE SPEAKS, LORELEI OPENS THE DOOR THE REST OF THE WAY TO REVEAL HER TRUE FORM.]

LORELEI

Is there a problem?

AGENT MAY

Not at all, Ms. Foster. Apologizes for my colleague, he is—

AGENT JUNE

[NERVOUSLY BLUFFING] I have a fear of new people. Yup. Terrified of ‘em.

AGENT MAY

[PLAYING ALONG] It’s tragic, really. Makes our job incredibly difficult.

LORELEI

[SUSPICIOUS] Quite.

[A BEAT.] Well, you said you had questions?

AGENT MAY

That we do. May we come in?

LORELEI

I would advise against it. Terrance is a pacifist when around me, but I am unsure of how he would react to new people.

AGENT JUNE

And who is Terrance, exactly?

LORELEI

A bear. [SADLY] Used to be a friend.

[A BEAR GROWLS IN THE BACKGROUND. AGENT JUNE MAKES A WEAK NOISE OF FEAR.]

LORELEI

I am still unsure whether his calm nature is because he maintained his human consciousness, or if I have some level of control over him that makes him do as I wish. Perhaps a mix of both.

AGENT MAY

Did you make him this way?

LORELEI

That much should be obvious, don’t you think? Assuming you really know what you’re talking about, and you’re not just bluffing.

AGENT MAY

We are somewhat familiar with your kind, but we’re always looking to learn more.

LORELEI

[SHE SCOFFS.] Is that what this is? You view me as a learning opportunity? Like a sample dragged in by the biology teacher for lab day?

AGENT MAY

Of course not. We’re just trying to learn more about Ether.

AGENT JUNE

I am very curious about how you managed to do it, though, if you care to indulge us?

[THERE’S A PAUSE.]

LORELEI

[SOLEMN] I never asked for any of this. When we attempted the ritual, our hope was that by the end of it, all of us would obtain the same level of power. Valencia told me it would never work. I had quite the rebellious streak back then, though. I didn’t believe him. Perhaps I should have.

If I had known that all of that power would have been channeled into me, I never would have attempted it. Now that time has passed, I realize how useless of a power it even is. What made Ether decide to curse me with it, I’ll never know. Perhaps we didn’t speak clearly enough when we did the ritual.

I had no idea what my limits were, or how to use my abilities. The consequences, of course, were far greater than I could have ever imagined. Terrance and Abigail were both accidents. Clementine, I turned her into a spider in a fit of rage. Scott happened when I was sobbing my eyes out, and he made the mistake of trying to comfort me. I am unsure if I intended to turn him into a snake or not. By the time River was the only one left, they came to me and asked to be turned into a cat. They said they knew I was bound to do it eventually, and they wanted to choose what animal they became. I did as they wished.

[JUST AS SHE SAYS THAT, A RAVEN FLIES OVER AND SQUAWKS. AGENT JUNE STARTLES, YELPING AT THIS.]

LORELEI

[SHE GIVES A DRY CHUCKLE.] I don’t think Abigail likes you.

AGENT MAY

You mentioned the consequences were far greater than you could have imagined. Was that in reference to the loss of your friends?

LORELEI

Oh, don’t make me say it. It would have been one thing if I simply turned my entire coven into my own little petting zoo. Now, however, I can never escape my own errors, even if I were to leave them all behind. I am forever haunted by the marks my ability has left. The bear paw that has become of my left hand. The raven feathers in my hair. The spider eyes sprawled across my face. The venom that drips from my fangs and burns my lips. And oh, how disappointing having the tail of a cat is, despite how elegant I thought it would be when I was a little girl. Cats used to be my favorite animal. They aren’t anymore.

AGENT MAY

Don’t you think River would take offense to that?

LORELEI

Hm. Perhaps you’re right.

[A CAT MEOWS FROM INSIDE.]

AGENT MAY

How did you access Ether’s power?

LORELEI

The same way I’m sure most people have. We did a ritual. Just as most of them do, it went wrong.

AGENT MAY

Do you know where exactly it went wrong?

[A PAUSE.]

LORELEI

Can I be honest with you? I have had years to think long and hard about the events that transpired that night. I read through our plans over, and over again, hoping to find a way to undo it all. After all of that, I came to the conclusion that whatever fault it was—whatever slip of the tongue or missing ingredient it could have been—none of it would have mattered.

Ether chooses who to favor and who to damn by the luck of a draw. Flip of a coin. It knows no order. It will do what it pleases. It is not a person, or a sentient being—it is a random number generator that can grant unlimited power if you get lucky. It’s a lottery of stones, however. Nobody is ever really winning, even those as fortunate as the Forget-Me-Nots, or those well-off enough to never hear about Ether at all.

[A PAUSE, THEN] Do you have any other questions? I’m rather sure my pets are looking forward to their dinner.

AGENT MAY

Just one: where is the heart of Ether?

[A PAUSE.]

LORELEI

I would be careful, if I were you. I’ve heard things, rumors, about your little project. Though I doubt you fully understand the dangers, seeing as you’re just the worker bees, hm?

AGENT MAY

It’s not my place to question, I’m afraid.

LORELEI

Perhaps you should. Never does anyone any good, blindly following orders.

[AS THEY TALK, RIVER MEOWS, PURRING AS SHE RUBS AGAINST AGENT JUNE'S LEGS.]

AGENT JUNE

[WHISPERING TO THE CAT] Ah—hey! Go away! Shoo!

AGENT MAY

If you could answer the question, I promise we’ll be out of your hair.

LORELEI

Hm. I’m afraid I can’t be of much help. For years, people believed Ether resided in the sky, but that is untrue. Though, during the brief window Valencia was willing to speak to me, he did tell me he had a theory—

[AGENT JUNE CUTS HER OFF BY SNEEZING.]

AGENT JUNE

[MUTTERS] Stupid cat!

[RIVER HISSES.]

LORELEI

[OFFENDED] I would appreciate it if you did not insult my animals.

AGENT JUNE

[CONGESTED] Then tell River to leave me the hell alone. Can’t you control them, or whatever? At least use your freaky powers to—

AGENT MAY

[OVERLAPPING] Agent June—!

AGENT JUNE

I just want this damn—

[THERE’S A TENSE PAUSE AS HE REALIZES LORELEI IS GLARING INTENTLY AT HIM.]

AGENT JUNE

I mean, uh, this lovely cat, to uh…I’m so sorry, ma’am, this has been incredibly rude of me.

LORELEI

[A BEAT.] What was your name, again?

AGENT JUNE

Juh—uh, Agent June?

LORELEI

Agent June. [SHE SAYS THE NAME WITH DISDAIN.] Agent June, do you have a favorite animal, by chance?

AGENT MAY

[WHISPERING, PANICKED] Don’t say anything. Just thank her and let’s go before—

AGENT JUNE

[OVERLAPPING] I don’t know. Uh, have you ever heard of Sonic the Hedgehog?

LORELEI

[MIXED WITH CONFUSION AND DISGUST] Sonic. The Hedgehog.

AGENT JUNE

[NERVOUS RAMBLING] Yeah! I was obsessed with those games growing up, and so I went through this whole phase where I wanted a pet hedgehog really bad, but my parents never let me have one. Said I was too irresponsible, or whatever. That dream kinda, like, carried over into my adult life though?

LORELEI

[NODDING] So, hedgehogs.

AGENT JUNE

Um, sure.

LORELEI

I see.

[A PAUSE.]

LORELEI

I do hope you’re happy with that choice, Agent June.

[A HIGH-PITCHED RINGING IS HEARD AS SHE REACHES HER HAND OUT. AGENT JUNE STARTS SPUTTERING IN FEAR.]

[EERIE AND TENSE MUSIC BEGINS TO PLAY.]

AGENT JUNE

[TERRIFIED] What the—?

AGENT MAY

Shit.

[AGENT MAY IS HEARD PULLING OUT A DART GUN AND SHOOTING A TRANQUILIZER DART AT LORELEI. SHE CRIES OUT A BIT, BEFORE STUMBLING, AND THEN COLLAPSING.]

AGENT JUNE

Did you just tranquilize her?

AGENT MAY

I didn’t have a choice. Come on, get in the car. The full effect only lasts forty-five seconds.

[THEY BOTH FRANTICALLY CLIMB INTO THE CAR, SLAMMING THE DOORS AS THEY GET IN.]

AGENT MAY

Are you okay? Did she change you at all?

AGENT JUNE

[HYPERVENTILATING] No, no! But it—this really weird feeling washed over me, like, like my body was trying to fit into a smaller one, I—that was the worst thing I’ve ever felt, oh my god.

AGENT MAY

[ATTEMPTING TO SOOTHE] Agent June, calm down. You’re safe now, okay?

AGENT JUNE

Yeah, only because of you. You just saved my life. I mean, technically, I would have survived, but I would have had to live out the rest of my days as a hedgehog!

AGENT MAY

[FRUSTRATED] Maybe if you had been able to hold your damn tongue for thirty seconds, this wouldn’t have happened.

[AS HE TALKS, AGENT MAY STARTS THE CAR AND SPEEDS AWAY, THE TIRES SQUEALING.]

AGENT JUNE

I’m sorry I was having an allergic reaction!

AGENT MAY

That’s no excuse for you to have said the things you did. I told you to keep it together.

AGENT JUNE

Stop trying to blame all of this on me. I don’t care if it’s my fault, I almost just lost my humanity. Do you know how horrifying that was?

AGENT MAY

[HE INHALES SHARPLY.] No, you’re right. You’re not entirely to blame for what just happened.

If only she had at least finished her sentence about Valencia’s theory.

AGENT JUNE

[GUILTILY] Yeah, that was pretty poor timing, huh?

AGENT MAY

We’ll find out one way or another. Might have to go back to Irene Gray.

AGENT JUNE

Ah yes, the other enemy we’ve made in this town.

AGENT MAY

I guess we’re going to have to find a way to change that, then. [A BEAT.] Turn off the recording, please.

[SOME SHUFFLING AS AGENT JUNE MOVES TO TURN THE RECORDER OFF.]

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

[ANOTHER BEEP.]

[EXT. LEMONGRASS PARK, NIGHT.]

[IRENE IS SITTING IN HER CAR. THERE ARE CRICKETS HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND.]

IRENE

I’m parked in front of Lemongrass Park. To be honest, I’ve never actually been here, even though it’s so close to my house. It’s small, but it’s a nice park. There’s a swing set, a seesaw, one of those metal slides that would always burn my skin during the summer. Some nice trees, too.

[REMINISCING] Do you remember when we would go to the park late at night? It was really stupid of us to go there after dark, honestly, it’s a miracle nothing ever happened. Well, I mean, you did hurt your leg that one time you fell off the swing, which I still feel bad about. It felt so serene, though. Like we were the only people in the world. We were still clinging onto our childhood innocence, and you, you were so fond of that park near your house, and I was so fond of the way you laughed. You’ll love this park, too, I think, if you ever get to see it. You always loved places where—

Wait, hold on, I think—I think Sadie’s waving at me. She’s sitting over on one of the swings. At least, I think it’s her? Not quite what I expected her to look like, but then again, I don’t know what I was expecting. She’s wearing all black, and has a striped shirt underneath her t-shirt, even though it’s hot as hell. Is this how emo kids dress these days? I think Aden said something about “e-girls” or something. [SHE SCOFFS.] Jeez, I need to start keeping track of these things. I feel so old.

She’s also wearing a black fabric surgical mask, with a white design? I’ve hardly seen people wear those outside of the medical profession—I mean, there was one time, but that was an outlier. [SHE SAYS THIS PART UNCOMFORTABLY BECAUSE THIS IS REFERRING BACK TO THE FIRST TRAILER.]

It must be her, though. Otherwise, why would she be waving at me? I have the box of film in the passenger’s seat. Avery and I talked today, and they were incredibly vocal about how bad of an idea this was, but they said I’m an adult and can make my own choices.

Avery is…well. I think they have good intentions at heart. They act indifferent all the time, and they’re incredibly mature, but they seem…I don’t know. Sometimes, there’s this, fear, maybe? That bleeds through when they speak. I think they try to hide it. Reminds me they’re still, technically, a kid.

Right, I feel kinda awkward sitting here while Sadie is staring at me. Guess I should get this over with.

[IRENE GRABS THE BOX OF FILM AND STEPS OUT OF HER CAR. SHE WALKS TOWARDS SADIE. WHENEVER SADIE TALKS, HER VOICE IS JUST SLIGHTLY MUFFLED.]

SADIE

[FROM AFAR] Irene, right?

IRENE

Yup!

SADIE

Wonderful!

[SADIE WALKS OVER TO IRENE.]

SADIE

I’ll take that.

[SHE'S HEARD TAKING THE CARDBOARD BOX FROM IRENE.]

SADIE

Looks heavy! How many photos did you take?

IRENE

[HANDING THE BOX OFF] Thank you, uh, I didn’t take these, though.

SADIE

I see. That’s a bummer. I thought I’d met a person of similar passions.

IRENE

Sorry to disappoint.

SADIE

Don’t stress it! Where did you get the film, then?

IRENE

[LYING] It’s from one of my dead relatives.

SADIE

Mm. Sorry to hear that.

IRENE

It was a while ago, so it's okay.

SADIE

They sure took lots of photos. Do you have any idea what they photographed?

IRENE

No clue.

SADIE

Well, I’ll do my best to get this developed. I’m staying with my uncle for part of the summer, and he never uses his dark room, so I have it all to myself. You know, he has this massive house, spends lots of money on rooms he never uses every time he gets a new hobby.

IRENE

Odd he chose Daughtler of all places to stick it.

SADIE

You know, that’s what I said! My professor went green with envy when I told her about it, though. She said this is a perfect town to take pictures.

IRENE

You’re a student, then?

SADIE

Yup! Majoring in photography, in case that wasn’t already clear. [SHE GIGGLES.]

Anyways, I’ll try to get this developed for you as quickly as possible. It may take a while, ‘cause there’s so much of it, so would you like me to give it to you in batches?

IRENE

That would be great, yeah. Um, thank you. Are you sure I can’t pay you?

SADIE

Oh, please, don’t worry about it. Like I said, I’m just thankful for the opportunity.

So, any other questions for me? I’m happy to answer them.

IRENE

Um, I have a bit of a weird one.

SADIE

Hm?

IRENE

Why are you wearing a surgical mask? Is it, like, a germ thing, or are you sick?

[THERE’S A PAUSE.]

SADIE

I should go get started on this.

IRENE

Um, you didn’t—

SADIE

[AGGRESSIVELY CUTTING HER OFF] Pleasure working with you, Irene! I’ll get back to you about your first batch ASAP!

IRENE

[TAKEN ABACK] Oh. Okay, then. Um, bye.

SADIE

Later!

[IRENE WALKS TO HER CAR AND CLIMBS BACK INSIDE. THERE'S A PAUSE.]

IRENE

Well, that was interesting, for lack of a better term. Sadie seems fine? I guess I just got a bit too personal with the mask thing. I mean, if it makes her feel comfortable, I don’t see why she can’t wear it. I’ll try not to worry about it. As long as she can develop the photos, that’s what matters.

Though I am kind of worried. I mean, Valencia could have taken, well, suspicious photos, assuming they’re connected to his research. I have no idea. I guess we just have to hope? Sadie seems pretty okay with minding her own business, it seems, so if I’m lucky, she won’t question it.

[HER PHONE STARTS VIBRATING.]

IRENE

Oh, hang on. Avery is calling me.

[A BEEP AS SHE ANSWERS.]

IRENE

Hello?

AVERY

Just making sure you didn’t get murdered.

[AS AVERY TALKS, THERE IS THE SOUND OF MASHING VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER BUTTONS AND JOYSTICKS.]

IRENE

[SHE SCOFFS.] Well, I didn’t. Sadie was fine. You really had nothing to be worried about.

AVERY

[DISTRACTED] I mean, it’s still a really bad idea to be meeting someone in the park this late. Daughtler is a small town, but even if we don’t have much of a problem with normal creeps, weird stuff is still kind of the norm, you know?

IRENE

Yeah, I’ve gathered that much, I—wait, hang on, are you playing video games right now?

AVERY

Dude, it’s just Stardew Valley. It’s not like I’m fighting anything.

[A RAVEN CAWS FROM THE GAME.]

IRENE

[AWKWARDLY] I don’t know what that is.

AVERY

That’s because you’re old.

IRENE

Hey.

AVERY

[OVEREXAGGERATED, FAKE] Ah no, I just got attacked! I gotta hang up, sorry Irene!

IRENE

You just said there’s no—

[AVERY HANGS UP.]

IRENE

[DEFEATED] …combat.

[SHE HUFFS.] Talk to you later, I guess.

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

[ANOTHER BEEP.]

[INT. THE APARTMENT ABOVE THE OPEN EYES BOOKSTORE, NIGHT. A BUDGIE IS OCCASIONALLY HEARD CHIRPING OR FLAPPING ITS WINGS IN THE BACKGROUND THROUGHOUT THE SCENE.]

[HOLLY IS HEARD SORTING THROUGH A GROCERY BAG AND SETTING THINGS ON THE COUNTER.]

HOLLY

Is it recording?

PHOEBE

Yes, it is.

HOLLY

Cool, cool. I got eggs, by the way. I know you talked about wanting to try to make pie at some point, and you were running low, so.

PHOEBE

[SLIGHTLY OVERLAPPING] Oh, um, thank you! Um, why were you out so late, anyways?

HOLLY

Hm? Oh, just a nighttime stroll.

PHOEBE

[WARY] I see.

[HOLLY WALKS OVER, AND SITS ON THE COUCH NEXT TO PHOEBE.]

HOLLY

Alright, then. You have the next letter? I guess all that’s left to do is open it.

[THERE'S A PAUSE AS HOLLY HESITATES.]

HOLLY

You sure you’re okay with me being in the room for this? I know her letters to you were, well, personal.

PHOEBE

It’s okay, don’t worry. I—I trust you. I’m sure Grandma Doe would, too.

HOLLY

[TENDERLY] That…that means a lot.

[A BEAT.] Go ahead, then.

[PHOEBE OPENS THE LETTER.]

PHOEBE

Phoebe, If you are reading this, I assume you have successfully completed the ritual. If it was not a success, well, I have a separate envelope marked for you to read. I suggest you find it.

HOLLY

Almost want to read the other one just to see what it says.

PHOEBE

[UNSETTLED] I don’t think that’s a good idea. If the alternative was that bad, well. I don’t want to think about what could have happened to me.

HOLLY

Fair, yeah. Continue.

PHOEBE

[SHE CLEARS HER THROAT.] If everything worked as well as I hope, then you have now stepped into your role as a Forget-Me-Not. I could not be more proud of you, little wildflower. What a lovely Forget-Me-Not you will be.

I have already warned you of some of the dangers, but now that this is your reality, I am going to begin to describe it all in more detail in order to prepare you. It is nothing I have not already mentioned in previous letters, however.

Now, let us start from the beginning: why did I name them the Forget-Me-Nots? Valencia thought it to be a rotten name. Too flowery, he said it was, too delicate. I believe it to be a sophisticated name. Better than the Hungry, or whatever other titles he’s come up with.

HOLLY

The hell is the Hungry?

PHOEBE

Um, I’m not sure. I’m sure we’ll find out?

HOLLY

Let’s hope.

PHOEBE

It goes on: Anyways, I called them the Forget-Me-Nots because it is not just about their quest for new knowledge. It is about the knowledge they already have. Sure, they know where to find any and all information, but what about that which is already within them? A Forget-Me-Not cannot forget anything. Even the tiniest detail, they will cling onto for the rest of their life. I still remember what I ordered at an Italian restaurant twenty-seven years ago. It was some mediocre chicken parmesan. The sauce was a bit too bitter for my taste, but I went back there because they had delightful breadsticks.

However, this is a double-edged sword. It is not just new information you will begin to retain. If only it was that simple. A Forget-Me-Not also remembers all which has happened before. This includes all of your life up to this point, from your early childhood, to more recent events.

When I chose you to be my predecessor, this is what I dreaded most. Your mother and I always considered it to be a blessing in disguise that you did not remember much of your childhood. I know you are aware of what happened, but the specifics are far worse than I think you’ve ever processed. I would not wish memories of that horrid time upon anyone, especially you. Your poor mother, my dear Agnes, she lives through them every day.

You may be forced to confront some of the memories of your father. The sick, rotten, vile man he was. I am eternally grateful I was able to save you from some suffering when you were a child, though I am deeply remorseful for all your mother put herself through. I wish I could be there to walk you through it all, to comfort you as you remember, but the circumstances are not in my favor.

You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, however, and you do not have to do it alone. Please do not hesitate to reach out to your mother if you find yourself needing the support. You could also talk to a friend—I’m assuming you have an abundance of those, you’re far too charming and sweet to not have any. Like I’ve said, isolation will only drain you of all you are. Nothing about this process will be easy, but I would not put you through it if I did not believe you could handle it.

Take your work slowly. Do not rush into it. Allow your mind to process the—

[PHOEBE SUDDENLY STOPS TALKING. THERE’S A LONG PAUSE.]

HOLLY

[A MIX OF CONFUSED AND CONCERNED] Phoebe?

PHOEBE

I— [A PAUSE, THEN] Sorry, sorry. Sorry. It’s just. [SHE TRAILS OFF.]

HOLLY

Is something wrong?

PHOEBE

Th—the letter, it’s just, um, got me thinking, I guess. About my father.

HOLLY

[CAUTIOUS] How much do you remember of him?

PHOEBE

[SHE GIVES A SHAKY CHUCKLE.] Oh, I’m trying to avoid that train of thought. I’m scared it will all come flowing in at once.

HOLLY

Oh, right, yeah. Try not to focus too much on it, okay?

PHOEBE

No, I’m okay, I just—I remember bits of it. More vividly, now, than I did before.

[WHAT FOLLOWS IS THE AFOREMENTIONED DESCRIPTION OF CHILD ABUSE. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.]

PHOEBE

Have you seen the stuffed cow sitting on my bed? It’s so old and worn, but it’s one of the most precious things I own. Its name is Baby. It’s, um, a silly name, I know. I used to play pretend with it, though, and act like I was its mother. I cradled it, pretended to feed it. So I named it Baby. [A BEAT, THEN] I didn’t remember why I named it that until now.

My dad hated Baby, though. He hated that I was so attached to a stuffed cow, of all things. He would constantly use Baby to threaten me, holding his ability to take it away over my head, because he knew that was a quick way to make me upset. If it was his choice, I’m sure he would have destroyed it. Not sure why he never did.

One day, when he was in a bad mood, and my mom was at work, I hid Baby inside my closet. He stormed into my room, and demanded for me to give it to him. I lied and said I had no idea where Baby was, but of course he didn’t believe me. He tore through my room, ignoring my pleas for him to stop, until he found Baby and took it away. I was forced to clean up the mess he made before my mom got home.

When she did get home, I instantly went and hugged her legs tightly and sobbed. I told her that Daddy had taken Baby away, and ruined my room. She asked me to take her to my room, so I did, only to find Baby sitting on the bed, staring right back at me.

My dad came in. “Of course I didn’t take the stupid toy,” he said. “She probably just misplaced it.” My mom didn’t argue. I was outraged. How could she believe him? Looking back, however, she knew something was wrong. I know she did. Even as a kid, I could read it on her face. He didn’t give her a choice, though.

[A BEAT.] He let me keep Baby, at least. Though he warned me not to try to tell mom what he did ever again. Otherwise, he would be very upset with me.

[A WET CHUCKLE.] And I didn’t even face the worst of it. I would spend days, weeks even, here with Grandma Doe when my dad was especially bad. That’s why her and I were so close, and why I didn’t remember so much of what my dad did. My mom had to endure most of it, though. That is, until she was finally able to get a divorce. He was arrested for a few years, I never learned what for, but I hope it was for the right reasons. When he got out, my mom got a restraining order against him.

The last time I saw him was my eighth birthday. He didn’t get me anything.

[THERE'S A LONG PAUSE.]

HOLLY

I’m going to kill him.

PHOEBE

[NERVOUS CHUCKLE] I—I appreciate you caring, but—

HOLLY

[A BIT TOO ANGRY] No. I mean it. If he’s still alive, I’ll kill him.

PHOEBE

[SLIGHTLY STARTLED] I don’t know if he’s still alive. I mean, it’s not like I’ve made an effort to reach out to him, heh.

HOLLY

[A PAUSE, THEN, SINCERE AND EMOTIONAL] I’m so sorry.

PHOEBE

It—It’s okay! Really. I promise. It was a long time ago. It’s just…I’m not sure how much I’m going to remember. As time goes on. I mean, I’m sure I would have been forced to confront my childhood eventually, this is just kind of speeding up the process.

HOLLY

You can always come to me, you know. If it gets to be too much.

PHOEBE

I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you, Holly. Really.

HOLLY

Of course. Anything I can do. [A PAUSE.] Would a hug be okay?

PHOEBE

[SHE TAKES A SHAKY BREATH.] A hug would be nice.

[THERE ARE FABRIC RUSTLES AS THEY ARE HEARD EMBRACING.]

[PHONE BEEP.]

[RECORDING ENDS.]

AUTOMATED VOICE

Today's quote is: "In every couple there is one who is the historian of the relationship."

Susan Sontag in Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963.

[OUTRO MUSIC AND CREDITS PLAY.]

[AT THE END OF THE CREDITS, THERE IS A BRIEF, HIGH-PITCHED RINGING NOISE, THAT BEGINS TO BREAK UP BEFORE STOPPING ABRUPTLY.]

#heart of ether transcripts

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1180

The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? Yeah, I’m pretty paranoid and always feel the need to use conditioner because of a bad rebonding job from like a decade ago that stiffened up my hair as soon as it would get wet. It lasted for around a year, so I formed the habit of always using conditioner every time I shower. I don’t think I’ve ever used just shampoo since then.

Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark, but I suppose it would be nice to start experimenting with lighter shades as well.

When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? It depends if I know the lyrics or I’m feeling the song at the moment. Obviously with my new obsession with BTS I can’t really sing along to entire songs, but I do sing the few English lyrics they have per song, hahaha.

Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah but she’s been muted for like half a year already, as is the rest of her family. I do have plans to unfriend her entirely; I’m just not sure when I would push through with it, and I already gave Angela permission to log onto my account one of these days to be the one to do the unfriending.

Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Gabie. I miss the friendship sometimes; I don’t think I’ll have a friendship as deep and connected as the one we had, so I will always feel sorry about how that went to waste. But I don’t really think about our relationship anymore as I’m pretty good at blocking off certain memories, so I don’t miss her in that sense.

How many cars are parked at your house right now? Two.

Do you have any Italian ancestry? I highly doubt so. If anything there’s probably a tiny drop Spanish blood in there but that’s the most European I’ll ever get.

Do you prefer water to be ice cold or at room temperature? Like, drinking water? Ice cold, always. I hate warm water.

Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? Not to my face, but I know I’m one so I’m sure other people have said that about me at least behind my back.

Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? Yes, my friend Mik and one of my aunts. They were both found eventually.

What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Eating ghost pepper instant noodles was a pain I would never want to go through again...I threw that shit out after my first forkful, lmao.

Do you need to talk to someone? No, not in particular. In a more general sense I do wanna start gaining more friends though, so I’ve been meaning to expand my circle by creating a new Twitter account just for my BTS dump. In other words, I am a 23 year old with a stan Twitter HAHAHAHA

Is something confusing you at the moment? No, I’m good.

When was the last time you had a real deep chat? Maybe my conversation with Andi a couple of nights back. We were talking about a tricky situation with their ex-friend who turned out to be a real dick when they came out to him a year ago, and they just wanted to get my perspective on how I would handle it.

Who did you last see on webcam? The PR manager for one of our clients, who we all despise because he doesn’t know how to do his job. Thankfully he’s resigning soon so we’re all just waiting for him to leave and finally meet a much more competent replacement.

What’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)? Angela has two dogs, Hailey and Kennedy. Andi had Apollo, who I wanted to meet so badly but sadly he passed away a week ago at 15.

Have you ever taken a picture while laying in the grass? There are photos of me sitting on grass, but not lying in it. I would imagine that would feel very prickly and uncomfortable.

Who’s your favorite Disney character? Baymax or Flynn Rider.

Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? I’ve made my friends chug drinks or down shots and it’s happened vice versa, but it was always in good fun and we never made each other harassed from it. It’s just your typical college rambunctiousness, and if anyone felt uncomfortable or iffy then we didn’t hesitate to move on.

When was the last time you used a pay phone and who were you calling? I’ve only ever seen those in my first school, when I was in kindergarten. I never got to use it and they also took them out not long after.

Do you like being kissed on the neck? Yessssssssss

Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t dating (but had feelings for) in the hopes that they would ask you out later? Nope. I don’t think I would have sex with anyone I wasn’t dating.

What’s the most you would be willing to spend on a good bra? Probably a couple thousand bucks if I thought I looked good in it.

Do you have any of your teachers’ personal cell phone numbers saved in your contacts list? I don’t think so. I never tried getting close with any of them, and I always tried to stay hidden as much as possible. I was just in class to get good grades and pass.

Do you ever stalk peoples’ personal blogs, even if you don’t know them very well? I never really scroll through people’s Tumblrs anymore. That was more of a thing I did in like 2013, but these days going through my dashboard is enough.

What’s one thing about today’s generation that you just can’t stand? Some social media trends done for clout make me revolted, especially when it has anything to do with wasting food. I also hate when they do extreme pranks that I know I wouldn’t find funny if I were ever the victim, like tossing someone’s phone into the ocean.

Be honest: how do you feel about abortion? Pro-choice.

Is there anyone you currently want to reach out to? I would love to catch up with Katreen at some point, but I know we’re at different points in our lives now and it would probably never happen.

What is your favorite piece of art you own? I commissioned my sister to make an artwork of the 2D1N cast, and she did a great job making it! I haven’t gotten to use it or promote it yet, but I will soon. It’s really well-done.

What’s the one thing you apologized for this month? Replying late.

My favorite color is ______? Pastel pink.

I wish I had _____? Longer weekends.

What did you buy today? Nothing – I’d call that a success lmao, I’ve been spending money as if I had a million fucking bucks over the last week. I did have some packages arrive today though: my own copy of 2 Cool 4 Skool (my first physical BTS album!!!!!!); the official poster from their album BE; the Ivy Park sneakers I ordered earlier this month, and an Ivy Park bucket hat Bea had apparently gotten for me as a birthday present.

What has challenged your morals? Vices.

What made you pick up the last book you started reading? I had to read it in preparation for a one-on-one session with my employer’s CEO.

What about your life concerns you the most? Whether a stable future is in the cards for me.

What do you find particularly offensive? Would you say you’re easy or difficult to offend? Probably Filipino-American comedians or influencers who use stereotyping of Filipino accents and habits as a punchline; they do more harm to the culture than good. I can tell you not one Filipino who lives in the Philippines actually finds those funny, and Bretman Rock is probably the only personality who’s able to flaunt the culture in an entertaining and hilarious yet classy way.

When it comes to being offended, I guess it depends on the context. My humor can get pretty dark and low-blowy, but I would have a problem with someone who I know has genuinely problematic views.

What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? I think it may had still been Start-Up from last December. I’m not too big on Korean dramas since I find one episode waaaaaaayyyyyyy too long. I don’t think I’ll be starting on anything soon, Korean or otherwise.

What is one way in which you are different from a year ago? What is one way in which you are still the same? I’m single now, for the first time in technically six years. I also think I’m doing better and happier, breakup notwithstanding. OH and I love wasabi now, hahah. As for what’s unchanged, I still like taking surveys and I’m still stuck at home, though the latter’s not really in my control anymore.

If you could learn about anything without the stress of grades or cost, what kind of classes would you take? I’d just go back to UP for the free tuition. We also have the widest range of programs out of any university in the country, so it’s a damn good deal.

Name a song you’ve listened to today? Fly To My Room - BTS

When you were younger, did you have a swing set or a playhouse in your backyard? We didn’t; but one of our relatives that we’d regularly visit did have a playground that I’d use all the time. It’s still there, just very unmaintained since no one uses it anymore.

Is your mall nice? Which one? We have five different malls nearby lol. Mall culture here is on another level.

Do you have a Sonic near you? If so, what’s your favorite drink from there? No. I’m not so sure what they serve there, either. I’m guessing milkshakes?

Will you be voting in the presidential elections next time around? I’ll always exercise my right to vote.

How do you feel about chocolate-covered strawberries? I hate strawberries and I hate fruits, so even if you coat that shit in Nutella and cookie butter and chocolate syrup I still wouldn’t touch it.

Did you ever stop having feelings for someone and then started having those feelings again for them? No.

Do you hate the last guy you had a thing with? I’ve never had a thing with guys.

To whom did you last give the finger? I haven’t had to do that in a while.

What was the last musical instrument played in your presence? My sister’s keyboard.

Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? Not particularly. They make things look cute, but they never taste like anything tbh so I never saw the point in paying extra just to have them on my desserts.

Honestly, have you ever crashed a party before? Nah. I cringe thinking about that.

Do you know how to do the moon walk? I don’t.

Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Never gotten that specific compliment before because I know I don’t have one.

Onion rings or french fries? Onion rings.

Has anybody ever described you as a heart breaker? No.

Has anybody ever told you that you talk too fast? I don’t think so, but I know I have the tendency to do so occasionally, especially while I’m presenting a deck. Once I notice it I make an effort to pace myself.

Who is the best cook that you know? My dad and both my grandmas all deserve that title.

Which meal throughout the day do you skip the most? I literally never have lunch ever.

What’s the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle.

What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? Sandboxes, since I liked the texture; the sandboxes in school were also often empty, which worked well for my introvert self. I find that it’s carried over to today, since I still enjoy touching things like slime and kinetic sand.

Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? I think 5 or 6 lbs, I’m not exactly sure but it’s definitely somewhere in that small range.

Which aspect of your daily routine takes the most time? What do you do? Work, for sure. I work a normal 9–6 so that’s already 8 hours out of my day, but I also OT a lot after hours, and I work throughout my lunch break as well so that technically makes it 9 hours. I also like getting up earlier and starting some work before my shift so that I would have less tasks on my plate for the day.

Do you enjoy buying gifts for others, or could you do without this? I LOVE getting people gifts. Food is especially my love language, and I always get food delivery for my friends, family, and my team at work.

What is one thing you are expected to do, if anything? I mean, I have work deadlines tomorrow so there’s that.

How do you tend to view driving? Monotonous or entertaining? I love driving. I don’t think I ever complained about having to do it. It’s calming and relaxing when I’m doing it alone or with a partner; and it can be entertaining with the right set of people.

Do you enjoy talking about music with others? Not always. If I don’t listen to the artist then I can find the conversation quite boring, like if my friends would get into a full-blown discussion about Taylor Swift.

Is acting something you enjoy? No. It wouldn’t even be something I’d be interested in doing.

When do you feel most accomplished? Finishing a work day with no tasks left behind.

Do you think Manwich is amazing or completely gross? Idk what that is.

How many best friends do you have? Two.

Are you a smoker, drinker, pothead or none of the above? I drink sometimes. I also kinda smoke, I guess.

If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? My mom had them pierced when I was a month old.

Do you own any exercise machines? My mom has this rowing equipment thingy. I don’t have any of my own, though.

On Facebook, do you have people listed as your siblings who aren’t really your siblings? No.

Have you ever drawn or painted a self-portrait? I remember having to draw one as a school assignment, but I’m pretty sure I half-assed that because I couldn’t care less for art class back then.

Who was your last voicemail from? We don’t have voicemails.

Have you ever been falsely accused of something serious? I don’t think so. That’s the sort of situation that would stick out in my memory if ever.

Did you ever set up a lemonade stand when you were a kid? No, not a thing here.

When was the last time you spoke to someone in a different language? Around an hour ago when I went downstairs and chatted with my sister briefly.

Have you ever received an anonymous gift? Nope.

Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? Nope but I definitely still wouldn’t be opposed to doing that haha.

When were you the saddest in your life? 2016 was fucking miserable. < I’d have to agree. 2017 was also awful.

Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? I used to know one but she got out of it. In a sense, I suppose I also was in one.

If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? Well they’re younger, so they definitely still live here, with our parents. I’m the first one expected to move out, but I’m taking my time.

Have you ever gotten searched by the cops? No.

Do you like fried rice? Of course. I like any kind of rice.

What was the last thing you drank? Water.

#survey #surveys

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chaos-of-my-mind · 5 years ago

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Mini rant below, you’ve been warned

I’m going to try and keep spoilers out of this so I don’t ruin anything for you if you have not finished the show yet as I am wont to forget to put the spoilers tag (or any tags) on a post. I might make very specific references but keep them as vague as I can but spoiler warning just in case. But also, apologies if my ranting sounds nonsensical or vague.

I don’t wish to offend anyone, I just want to voice my thoughts. Overall, I enjoy the show and likely will watch a second season if they make one but there’s just some things I want to get off my chest.

Okay, so I just watched The Letter for the King and I have a lot of thoughts.

I’m just gonna talk about the first four episodes because I have a lot of thoughts on these episodes and it gonna be reeeeeaaaaaaalllllllyyyyyy long as is.

First of all, right off the bat, this is a seriously loose adaption of a Dutch novel that I looked at the wiki page for and sounds a fair sight better than this show.

The show as a concept is fascinating and the diversity is a welcome change from the usual primarily white cast we tend to see. Certain plot lines were wonderful.

Tiuri is an amazing and refreshing main character. I was kind of expecting him to be angsty or something but he wasn’t. He has a good heart and caring spirit. He believes strongly in doing what is right and is unwavering in his belief. He is also... just about the only character I like.

I liked the Abbott and Ristridin and Ardanwen but Tiuri was really the only character I cared what happened to them.

Costume design is absolutely incredible, I’ve always had a soft spot for this style, especially the dresses. The intricate details of the clothing is fascinating to me, especially now after having taken a class in costume design.

Sets and locations? Wonderful. Some of the locations they shot at for these first four episodes are beautiful. The monastery in the third episode is almost delightfully unsettling with its flickering shadows and the raging storm outside.

Out of the first four episodes, third is my favorite. Mostly because of the scenes in the monastery, particularly the one with Tiuri and the Abbott.

I don’t have much to say regarding the Queen, I appreciate that she rules on her own without question but she didn’t really have much of a presence (at least IMO) in the first few episodes.

The score is absolutely beautiful. I love the score for this show. I really wish it was on Spotify. Anyone else listen to movie and TV scores while studying or is that just a me thing?

No offense to anyone else, this is simply my opinion and since none of my friends watch the show and ranting to my wall offers little catharsis, I’m venting here. We’re getting into my issues now.

Anyway, I CANNOT stand Lavinia. She’s absolutely, one hundred percent my least favorite character. Yes I understand and acknowledge that this is a loose adaptation from the book but though she shows up in the book, she is nowhere near as prominent a character.

I don’t want to be mean and I am all for powerful female roles but Lavinia, in my mind at least, really didn’t add much to the story.

She kind of felt like when shows add a character just for comic relief and they offer nothing else to the show, you know?

I think it’s her greed that bothers me the most. Yes, I understand her not wanting to be forced to marry but her plans and actions feel a little too selfish for me.

Tiuri is trying to fulfill the Black Knight’s last request even when it means great personal loss for him and all Lavinia talks about money. Maybe this changes in later episodes, but right now she’s wearing on my last nerve.

I get being cautious and skeptical but then there’s being obnoxious. She’s introduced as someone who will do whatever to get what they want with little regard for what happens to others. There are six episodes in the season, I’m 3/4s of the way done and I still can’t stand this character.

The other would be knights have their faults but they’ve still grown on me to some degree. Except Arman, he’s a snot. But I still like him better than Lavinia.

I feel like I need to say this has nothing to do with her gender and everything to do with the way she is written.

I get that by taking the basic plot of the book and the character names from the book means you have to say it’s an adaptation but seriously? I don’t really understand why they chose to take a (from what I gathered from the wiki page as this is based off a Dutch novel I have no access to) very minor character and have them be a main character.

Honestly, I feel like all she does so far is complain, talk about money and snark. She has some interesting storylines that are brought up briefly but none of them have been fleshed out or furthered yet. Maybe if they went into these plot points, I’d be more okay with her but as it stands, she just doesn’t seem essential to the plot.

Now onto the would be soldiers. I don’t really understand why Piak is with them or how he managed to get away to follow them (not really a spoiler, happens within like the first or second episode). I know it’s medieval or middle ages but you’re telling me no one is at all watching this ten year old boy even slightly? Also, why isn’t anyone concerned about whether his parents know where he is?

This may seem nitpicky but other shows, movies or books have been based on the plot of a kid going missing.

I don’t find their plot wholely necessary, feels kinda like filler fodder to me but I also have ADHD and get distracted/bored rather fast. Foldo, I like. Jussipo, I like. Piak, I like. Arman, meh. Iona, definitely the most competent of the group, don’t know if I trust her.

She feels like she’d be an interesting villain. She has that vibe, especially when they were with the Red Riders, kind of reminded me of that seagull meme/picture:

this one? She seems very cutthroat, tough. She’s a really interesting character but I don’t feel like she’s being given the time or character development she deserves (again only four episodes in but six episodes total so I’m not optimistic).

She’s clever and I like her fine, I just think they’re wasting time that could be spent on giving her more depth on filler scenes or Lavinia talking about money (again). I really don’t like Lavinia. Sorry.

Also, is Viridian the villain? I don’t think saying that’s a spoiler (it’s mentioned in the trailer or the first episode I think) but sorry if it is. He literally does nothing.

He does something horrible in maybe the first ten minutes of the show and then nothing. He stands in a tent and talks about prophecy and whatever, his soldiers are better villains than he is, at least they’re actively doing something!

Also, he looks just enough like some other actor that it’s all I can think about when he’s onscreen, it’s very distracting. I think it’s Max Lloyd-Jones he looks like but I’m not completely sure.

Hopefully he actually does something in the next two episodes because so far, I don’t see the point in showing him onscreen at all.

The thing that bugs me most is that while I know the plot is progressing and things are happening, it feels like nothing’s happening. The plot feels kinda aimless and vague and it’s just slower than I would prefer it to be progressing. The trailer I watched made it seem action packed and all that but it really... isn’t.

It gets so close to something happening and then the show’s like ‘Just kidding, they’re an ally’ or ‘Nevermind, it’s someone else’ or ‘Ooo, coincidental thing happened and we got away!’

It’s super annoying. That’s about everything I can think of. *sigh* I feel better now.

Thanks for reading.

#the letter for the king #letter for the king #tlftk #netflix

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theotomemaiden · 4 years ago

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♥️ 10 Characters Tag ♥️

🖤 10 Characters Tag 🖤

Rules: Make a new post, name 10 characters from 10 different fandoms that you like, and then tag 10 people.

I was tagged by @dlgenderbend , I love doing these things so thank you! 💕

Ah it was so hard to choose 10 different fandoms considering my most favorites are usually in the same fandom 🥺

1. Carla Tsukinami (Diabolik Lovers)

(My favorite character ever, the one true love of my life, my husband, my everything. He is my soulmate, I swear. I can’t wait to get more tattoos dedicated to him ♥️) I bury myself in merch of Carla everyday. He is perfection and I don’t give a damn if people think I’m crazy because of this obsession I have...this should be the least of their worries when it comes to me.

2. Camus (Uta no Prince-sama)

(My second favorite character ever. On Shining Live I have a bond of over 800 with him, and I am very proud. I have spent more money on this man than anything else and he still refuses to come home sometimes. He has robbed me of everything but I still love him. This icy cold count will always have a special place in my heart...not like I can abandon him after spending over $1,500 on Shining Live within the past 2 years...yes, I know, it’s insane. But my luck on gacha is horrible. This might sound really fucking petty of me but please don’t come crying to me when Camus doesn’t come home to you after you saved up all of your prisms for so long and haven’t spent a single penny on this game, when I’ve spent $600 on the Setsugetsuka photoshoot, and $300 on the Police Officer one, and he still never came home. I’m sorry but I can’t comfort you. And I don’t feel bad.) He is the second character that I have the most merch of...and I cherish it even though I feel betrayed by him sometimes lol. I will never stop loving him.)

3. Ukyo (Amnesia)

(Oh my heart, this poor man who I love so much...he deserves the world. I’ve played and watched Amnesia well over 10 times and still cry every damn time. There is no one who loves anyone more than Ukyo loves the heroine...I still love him after he developed severe PTSD turning into a Split Personality who is crazy...he still deserves everything. He has the biggest heart and I will always admire him. He is precious.)

4. Toshizo Hijikata (Hakuoki)

(One of my first anime boy loves and obsessions. He was my first dakimakura pillow and Hakuoki is one of the first otome games I had played. I traveled across the country to go to the Hakuoki fest and it was amazing. Hakuoki and Toshi will always mean a lot to me.)

5. Jakurai Jinguji (Hypnosis Mic)

(My first Hypnosis Mic crush even though I truly love all of them except Ramuda even though he comes home to me in the game constantly just to taunt me. I created a second account just to get the Jakurai SSR. I have loved Hypnosis Mic since it first came out and love to see the franchise keep growing, I was super excited for the game that me and a lot of others had waited over a year to finally come out. And now I’m excited for the anime! I love Jakurai’s character and personality and voice. I love the things he says and is really inspirational. There are so many times I’ve listen to him rap in the first Matenro drama CD where he tries to convince the girl not to commit suicide...his words have saved me countless times. He is a character I have such a deep appreciation for.)

6. Rin Matsuoka (Free!)

(Another one of my first real hardcore obsessions with an anime boy. I have all the figures of him and they are some of my prized possessions, especially the one of him with the water guns. Another character I deeply admire and look up to. I strive to be as an amazing friend as he is...I empathize with his past and really care for him. I love him, I really do.)

7. Vil Schoenheit (Twisted Wonderland)

(A fairly newer character compared to the rest of them but I’ve been obsessed since they first showed a picture of him in one of the teasers from last year. I love almost all of the characters in TW very, very much but Vil has my heart. As someone who is insecure but obsessed with beauty for most of my life due to being bullied, and as the makeup artist I am now, I admire his dedication and care. His dorm Pomefiore is the next episode and I am SO EXCITED. I really think he is the one who will overblot and he is going to look so fucking beautiful. I can’t wait until they make an SSR card of him...another game I also have 2 accounts on.)

8. Hikaru Osari (B-Project)

(One character I absolutely adore who has a personality that I usually don’t take interest in. He has such a big heart and will literally do anything to protect his friends. Although, when the other members of MooNs tease him sometimes, I feel so so bad for him and just want to protect him and his precious self. He deserves the best and I love him a lot.)

9. Uta (Tokyo Ghoul)

(My favorite Tokyo Ghoul character, his style is so similar to mine so I instantly took a liking to him. We have many of the same piercings and both have tattoos and little eyebrows lol. Since he is also a type of artist, I also have that in common with him. He is a man I would totally fall in love with who matches my aesthetic. Some of his quotes are really meaningful as well which I also love about him.)

10. Undertaker (Black Butler)

(A character I fell in love with even before I knew he had such a sexy face. My favorite Kuroshitsuji character from the beginning...especially when I saw him in that bucket of salt just sticking his tongue out and licking it. I was like “LOL IT’S ME.” He is hilarious and in Book Of Atlantic they finally showed his face and his darker side and I knew from that point on that I fell hard for him. His and the other reaper’s backstories I really connected with and understood. He is still very mysterious and much is unknown, but I know whatever more I find out, I will only love him more.)

I apologize for my rant, especially about Camus...I don’t mean to offend anyone on SL. I’m just bitter lol.

Well, this was fun. I’m not sure who to tag so, if you’d like to do this, I Tag you! 🥰🖤

#thanks for the tag!#tag game #i was tagged #favorite characters #character tag #my loves #fandoms #favorites tag #10 characters

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tw-anchor · 5 years ago

Text

03. Hospital Visits

Anchor

Stiles Stilinski x Original Character (Reader)

Episode: 1x03; Pack Mentality

Word Count: 4,992

Warning(s): Mature language, blood

Author’s Note: Olivia told her dad about what was going on in her life--and about Stiles! Tell me what you think! Reblog and like!

Masterlist in Profile Description!

Olivia was not expecting Scott and Stiles to rush up to her as soon as she got out of Lydia’s car, but there they were. They both waved at her with awkward smiles on their faces, obviously trying to apologize to her.

Knowing that they probably needed help with something, she said goodbye to her cousin, ignoring the questioning look Lydia gave her, and walked over to Stiles and Scott.

“What’s going on?” she asked bluntly.

“First of all, we’re sorry about Derek and your cousin,” Scott said quickly.

“Apology accepted. What’s going on?” she repeated herself.

Scott and Stiles exchanged a loaded look before Scott confessed, “Okay, I had a dream about Allison. And it was a really weird dream,” he said as the three of them walked up to the school together. “At first, we were making out in a school bus but then I lost control and started mauling her.”

Olivia hummed, wondering what she was supposed to do about this dream of his. “Okay…”

“So, you killed her?” Stiles asked, opening the door so Scott and Olivia could walk through.

“I don’t know,” Scott shrugged. “I just woke up and I was sweating like crazy and I couldn’t breathe. I’ve never had a dream where I woke up like that before.”

“Really? I have,” Stiles announced. “They usually end a bit differently.”

Olivia wrinkled her nose, not exactly wanting to know that much information about Stiles.

Scott didn’t look pleased to know about Stiles’ dreams, either. “Okay, I meant that I’ve never had a dream that felt that real.”

“And can you please not talk about your freaky sex dreams?” Olivia added, looking up at Stiles. “Too much detail.”

“All right, noted,” Stiles shrugged, unbothered.

“Great,” Olivia rolled her eyes and turned to Scott. “Let me guess, you—”

“No,” Scott interrupted her. “I don’t know you that well but I do know that you think my dream has something to do with me going out with Allison tomorrow. Like I’m gonna lose control and rip her throat out.”

“Frankly, yes,” Olivia nodded, catching the annoyed looks both of the boys were throwing her. “What? You came to me for help.”

“Okay, Livvy’s negativity aside,” Stiles spoke up, ignoring the unhappy look Olivia sent his way. “I think you’re handling this pretty fuckin’ well, Scott. It’s not like there’s a lycanthropy-for-beginners class you can take.”

“There’s not a class but there is a teacher,” Olivia pointed out the obvious.

“Who, Derek?” Stiles scoffed, looking at Scott for back-up. The idea of going to Derek for help was pretty ridiculous.

Scott shrugged. “Maybe she’s right.”

Stiles reached over Olivia’s head and slapped Scott on the back of his head. “Are you forgetting the part where we got him tossed in jail?”

“Derek’s not petty enough to not help Scott over that,” Olivia said, defending her cousin. Though they both hadn’t forgiven the new werewolf and his smart-ass best friend, they knew that helping Scott control his change was for the greater good.

“And besides,” Scott said, growing more into the idea of asking Derek for help. “chasing her, dragging her to the back of the bus? It felt so real.”

“How real?” Stiles asked, dodging another student as he opened the door leading out of the school.

“Like it actually happened.”

Olivia’s eyes fell on the scene before her, her eyes widening in horror.

The bus parked right outside the doors was busted open, its back door almost ripped off its hinges completely. There was blood everywhere, numerous handprints slapped on the windows, seats, and yellow siding. Police officers, including Stiles’ dad, hovered around the scene, taking photographic evidence and conducting interviews with the principal and some teachers.

Stiles gasped. “I think it did.”

“Shit. Oh, my God. Oh, my God,” Scott cursed, whipping his phone from his pocket as he turned to walk back into the school. He frantically texted Allison, hoping that this was just a huge coincidence and that she was safe and already at school.

“She’s probably fine,” Stiles tried to soothe his best friend as he and Olivia followed him through the hallway.

“She’s not answering my texts, Stiles!”

“Scott,” Olivia tried, intending to tell him about the text Allison sent her earlier, explaining that she got a late start. “She’s fine. She—”

“Do you see her?” Scott interrupted her, looking around the hallway for the tall brunette.

“It could just be a coincidence, all right?” Stiles said. “A seriously amazing coincidence.”

“Just help me find her, okay?” Scott begged before turning down a different hallway.

“Great!” Stiles sighed, as Scott walked away, rubbing a hand over his head. “Now Scott more than likely killed his girlfriend.”

“Relax, she’s fine,” Olivia put a hand on his arm, pulling his hand away from his hair. “Allison texted me earlier. She’s just late today.”

“What?” Stiles’ eyes widened. “Why didn’t you tell Scott that?”

“I tried!” she said defensively. “I was interrupted.”

Stiles nodded and sighed. “Sorry, sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she waved him off. “You’re protective of Scott. I get it. I’m that way with Lydia and Jackson.”

Stiles chuckled, shaking his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe you’re friends with that douchebag.”

“Well, I’ve known him for a long time,” Olivia wasn’t even offended by Stiles’ name-calling. Everyone knew that Jackson was an ass—even Jackson knew.

“Attention, students, this is your principal,” the overhead speaker squeaked to life. “I know you’re all wondering about the incident that occurred last night to one of our buses. While the police work to determine what happened, classes will proceed as scheduled.”

Olivia frowned as the rest of her peers groaned. “That doesn’t sound like a good environment to conduct an investigation.”

“Yeah,” Stiles agreed. “But the principal probably insisted on school continuing. You know how they are about their professional development days.”

Olivia laughed, smiling up at him. “Yeah.”

“Maybe it was my blood on the door,” Scott whispered to Stiles, turned around in his seat to talk to his best friend as Mr. Harris droned on and on about covalent bonds.

Stiles shrugged, playing with his pencil. “Could have been animal blood, you know? Maybe you caught a rabbit or something.”

“And did what?” Scott raised an eyebrow at him.

“Ate it.”

“Raw?”

“No, you stopped to bake it in a little werewolf oven,” Stiles muttered sarcastically. “I don’t know, you’re the one who can’t remember anything.”

“Mr. Stilinski!” Mr. Harris called from the front of the room, his hands on his hips as he glared at his least favorite student. “if that’s your idea of a hushed whisper, you might want to pull the headphones out every once in a while.”

Stiles scoffed.

“I think you and Mr. McCall would benefit from a little distance, yes?”

“No,” Stiles objected, horrified.

Mr. Harris pointed at two empty seats, one in the back and one in the front. Stiles grabbed his bag, textbook, and notes and headed to the empty seat in the back, relieved to find that the seat was next to Olivia.

He couldn’t believe his luck.

“Let me know if the separation anxiety gets to be too much,” Mr. Harris quipped as Stiles sat at the table next to Olivia.

“I’m good,” Stiles smirked, his eyes trailing over to the brunette beauty next to him.

Olivia rolled her eyes at him and focused on her diligent notes.

“Hey,” the girl next to Scott shouted, rushing over to the window. “I think they found something!”

Squeals from chairs scraping across the linoleum flooring echoed through the classroom as everyone got out of their seats and ran to the windows. Stiles and Olivia made their way over to Scott, the three of them watching as two paramedics pushed a gurney holding an injured man over to the waiting ambulance.

“That’s not a rabbit,” Scott murmured to Stiles.

All of a sudden, the injured man shot up, screaming in pain. Everyone shrieked and jumped away from the windows, all shocked by the man’s abrupt screams. They all thought that he was dead.

“Okay,” Stiles breathed in relief, patting Scott’s shoulders. “This is good. This is good. He got up, he’s not dead.”

“Yeah, just severely injured,” Olivia commented, looking back to the man being loaded into the ambulance.

“Not helping,” Stiles shot her a stern look before turning back to Scott. “Look, dead guys can’t do that.”

“Stiles,” Scott looked at him with wide eyes. “I did that.”

“But dreams aren’t memories,” Stiles protested as he and Scott walked over to their usual lunch table, their trays full of food.

“Then it wasn’t a dream,” Scott proclaimed, sitting down. “Something happened last night and I can’t remember what.”

“Okay, but what makes you so sure that Derek even has all the answers?”

“Because,” Scott looked around to see if anyone was listening. “during the full moon, he wasn’t changed. He was in total control while I was running around in the middle of the night, attacking some totally innocent guy.”

“You don’t know that,” Stiles argued.

“I don’t not know it,” Scott pointed out. “I can’t go out with Allison. I have to cancel.”

“No, you’re not canceling, okay?” Stiles shook his head as he picked up the orange from his tray. “You can’t just cancel your entire life.”

Across the cafeteria, Olivia stood, patiently waiting for Lydia and the rest of their group to get out of the food line. Having brought her own lunch, she didn’t have to go through and pick up the nasty food that the lunch ladies were giving out.

Finally, Lydia walked up to her with her tray. “We’re sitting with Scott and his friend today.”

“We are?” Olivia raised her eyebrows at her cousin, bewildered. “Why?”

“Well, since Allison is dating Scott and you are spending more time with them, I figured we could all get to know each other,” Lydia smiled, almost too cheerfully. Olivia was instantly suspicious. “Why were you talking to them, anyway?”

“Oh, uh, Stiles and I have Advanced Spanish together. We have a project coming up and we’re partners,” Olivia lied. While she and Stiles did have that class together, they didn’t have a project. But Lydia didn’t need to know the reason why she was actually speaking to Stiles and Scott.

“Hmm,” Lydia pursed her lips, still disapproving of Olivia’s choice of foreign language. “Let’s go, then.”

As the two of them approached the table where Stiles and Scott were sitting, they heard Stiles say, “We’ll figure it out.”

“Figure what out?” Lydia asked, setting her tray down on the table next to Scott.

Olivia took the seat across from her and next to Stiles, sheepishly returning the smile he sent her.

“Uh, homework,” Scott said in a way that Olivia knew he was lying.

“Yeah,” Stiles agreed before moving his head closer to Olivia to ask her, “Why are you guys sitting with us?”

“Allison,” she whispered back.

Just as she said the taller brunette’s name, she sat down on the other side of Scott. She grinned at her boyfriend and then greeted him and Stiles. Stiles nodded at her and then turned to Danny, who was sitting on his other side, and grinned. Danny turned away, obviously not happy with his seating arrangement.

Olivia snickered at the frown on Stiles’ face at Danny’s rejection and opened her lunch pack.

“Get up,” Jackson ordered Luke, the guy who sat at the head of the table between Olivia and Lydia.

“How come you never ask Danny to get up?” Luke complained, noticing that there weren’t any more open seats at the table.

“Because I don’t stare at his girlfriend’s coin slot,” Danny snarked from down the table. Olivia and Lydia grinned at Danny as he changed the subject. “So, I hear they’re saying it’s some type of animal attack. Probably a cougar.”

“I heard mountain lion,” Jackson disagreed with his best friend, shaking his head.

Olivia rolled her eyes, muttering, “A cougar is a mountain lion,” at the same time as Lydia.

Olivia smiled at Lydia while Jackson furrowed his eyebrows at her. Lydia instantly corrected herself.

“Isn’t it?”

“Who cares?” Jackson asked harshly, not having any empathy for the injured man. “The guy’s probably some homeless tweaker who’s gonna die anyway.”

“Wow, Jackson, that’s so compassionate of you,” Olivia quipped, rolling her eyes at the blonde.

“Uh, I just found out who it is,” Stiles spoke up, his phone in his hand. His dad had just sent him a text with a video detailing the attack and who the victim was. “Check it out.”

He held out the phone so everyone could watch the video.

“The Sheriff’s department won’t speculate on details of the incident but confirmed the victim, Garrison Meyers, did survive the attack,” the male reporter announced on the video as Noah walked around the bus, looking for clues. “Meyers was taken to a local hospital where he remains in critical condition.”

“Hey, I know this guy,” Scott spoke up, his face full of recognition.

“You do?” Allison asked, curious.

“Yeah, when I used to take the bus back when I lived with my dad,” Scott confirmed. “He was the driver.”

Olivia winced and shared a worried look with Stiles. It wasn’t good that Scott not only had a dream where he mauled Allison on a bus and someone was actually injured but that he knew the victim, too. Did Scott actually do this?

Why was this becoming so complicated?

“Can we talk about something slightly more fun, please?” Lydia asked, fed up with hearing about the bus incident. “Like…oh,” she turned to Allison with a smile. “where are we going tomorrow night?”

Allison gave her a confused look.

“You said you and Scott were hanging out tomorrow night, right?” Lydia reminded the brunette.

Olivia really hoped that Lydia wasn’t inviting herself and Jackson to Scott and Allison’s date.

“Um, we were thinking of what we were gonna do,” Allison glanced at Scott for help.

“Well, I am not sitting at home again watching lacrosse videos,” Lydia glanced scornfully at Jackson and continued, “So, if the four of us are hanging out, we are doing something fun.”

“Hanging out?” Scott looked at Allison as he spoke. “Like, the four of us? Do you wanna hang out like us and them?”

Olivia grimaced—this was going downhill so quickly. Guys and girls didn’t just hang out. Well, some did but not when they had chemistry like Allison and Scott.

Allison shrugged apologetically. “Yeah, I guess,” she looked around Scott at Lydia. “Sounds fun.”

“You know what else sounds fun?” Jackson sneered lightly, picking up his fork. “Stabbing myself in the face with this fork.”

Olivia rolled her eyes and forced the fork out of his hand. “You’re so dramatic.”

“How about bowling?” Lydia asked Jackson brightly. “You love to bowl.”

“Yeah, with actual competition,” Jackson said, giving Lydia a pointed look.

“How do you know we’re not actual competition?” Allison leaned forward to ask Jackson, twisting her lips. She looked at Scott. “You can bowl, right?”

Scott grimaced. “Sort of.”

Olivia heard Stiles let out a quiet groan and glanced at him as Jackson leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table.

“Is it sort of or yes?” he confronted Scott.

“Yes,” Scott’s tone harshened, leaning toward Jackson. “In fact, I’m a great bowler.”

Olivia had the feeling that Scott was a terrible bowler.

“Great!” Lydia exclaimed. “We’ll meet up tomorrow.”

“You’re a terrible bowler!” Stiles exclaimed as he and Scott walked through the school at the end of the day.

“I know!” Scott lamented, disappointed with himself. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Yes, you are,” Stiles agreed. “God, it was like watching a car wreck. I mean, first, it turned into the whole group date thing and then, out of nowhere, comes that phrase.”

“Hang out,” Scott said, knowing exactly where Stiles was coming from. They both knew what hanging out with a hot girl meant in their experience.

“You don’t hang out with hot girls, okay?” Stiles failed his arms in contempt. “It’s like death. Once it’s hanging out, you might as well be her gay best friend. You and Danny can start hanging out.”

Scott groaned. “How is this happening? I either killed a guy or I didn’t—”

“I don’t think Danny likes me very much,” Stiles commented randomly, thinking about the boy he sat next to at lunch.

“—I ask Allison on a date and now we’re hanging out—”

“Am I not attractive to gay guys?” Stiles wondered.

“—I make first line and the team captain wants to destroy me and now—now I’m gonna be late for work,” Scott sighed, finishing his rant as he walked out of school to get his bike.

“Wait, Scott,” Stiles called after him. “You didn’t—am I attractive to gay guys? You didn’t answer my question!”

The next evening, Lydia had roped Olivia into helping Allison pick out her outfit for the group date that they were going on. Olivia hadn’t wanted to go to the house of known hunters, but she didn’t exactly have a choice when her cousin asked her to do something.

So, even though she was kind of hurt she wasn’t included in the group date, Olivia found herself perched on Allison’s bed in her cardboard box-filled room, watching as the taller brunette tried to find something to wear.

Allison stood in front of her closet, pushing some hangers aside and pulling out an ugly brown shirt. She showed it to Olivia and Lydia, smiling expectantly.

“Mmm,” Lydia hummed, her lips wrinkled in disgust. “Pass.”

Allison shrugged and put the shirt back in her closet, pulling out another one for the girls to see. Olivia pursed her lips at the hideous multi-colored shirt Allison held up to her torso.

“Pass,” she muttered, looking at the time on her phone.

Lydia sighed loudly and hopped up from the bed, walking over to the closet. “Let me see…” she went through the clothes hung up in front of her, eyes narrowing in disapproval. “Pass. Pass. Ugh, pass on all of it. Allison,” she turned to the taller brunette and smiled slightly. “my respect for your taste is dwindling by the second.”

Olivia snickered under her breath and stood up, making her way over to Lydia and Allison. She searched the closet quickly and pulled out a black shirt covered with soft sequins.

“This one is fine,” she handed the shirt to Allison.

Allison smiled slightly and took the shirt, holding it up to her torso to look in her full-length mirror.

The door opened and Mr. Argent walked into the room, his jacket in his hands. He didn’t seem to realize that he had just walked in on a room of girls trying to find clothes for a date.

“Dad, hello,” Allison greeted her father softly, a pointed look in her eyes.

Mr. Argent paused in realization as he put on his coat and smiled awkwardly. “Right,” he nodded. “I’m sorry. I completely forgot to knock.”

Olivia sheepishly waved at him while Lydia grinned and plopped herself on Allison’s bed, curling up seductively. “Hi, Mr. Argent.”

Allison rolled her eyes. “Dad, do you need something?”

Mr. Argent continued to put on his jacket, straightening out the collar. “I wanted to tell you that you’ll be staying in tonight.”

“What?” Allison gaped at him while Lydia frowned in disappointment. “I’m going out with my friends tonight.”

“Not when some animal is out there attacking people.”

Olivia bit the inside of her cheek and looked down at the floor, hoping that Mr. Argent wasn’t looking at her when he spoke about the animal attacking people. Luckily, when she looked up, he was still staring at Allison.

Allison frowned and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Dad, Dad,” she attempted to protest. “I’m—”

“It’s out of my hands,” Mr. Argent interrupted her with a calm smile. “There’s a curfew. No one’s allowed out past nine-thirty. Hey, no more arguing.”

As Mr. Argent left the room, Allison sighed heavily.

“Someone’s daddy’s little girl,” Olivia commented as Allison seemed to agree to her father’s command. She expected more of a rebelliousness out of Allison, to be honest.

“Sometimes,” Allison said heavily, glancing at her closed door. “but not tonight.”

Allison grabbed a purple beanie from her desk and settled it over her curls before walking over to her window. Olivia and Lydia watched, shocked, as she climbed onto the roof and did a front flip off of it, landing safely on the ground.

“What the hell?” Lydia breathed, looking at Allison with wide eyes.

Allison grinned up at them. “Eight years gymnastics. Are you coming?”

Olivia and Lydia exchanged a look before Olivia called, “We’ll take the stairs.”

Fifteen minutes later after Lydia dropped her off on the way to the bowling alley, Olivia wandered through the long-term care unit at Beacon Hills Memorial. She approached the front desk and smiled at the receptionist, waiting for her to get off the phone.

It had been almost two weeks since Olivia last visited her father, which was longer than she liked to go without seeing him. She usually visited every Wednesday or so, but with all of this Scott-being-a-werewolf business, she hadn’t had the time.

Peter Hale had been in the long-term care unit at the hospital for almost six years now, having been transferred there half a year after the fire that killed her mother. He had severe burns covering most of his body—including half of his face—and had been in a coma-like state. He couldn’t talk or move or even take care of himself.

As much as it hurt to see her dad like that, Olivia wanted him to know she was there for him.

The receptionist—Sheila—finally hung up the phone and smiled at her. “Olivia, it’s been a while, hon.”

All the workers in the long-term unit knew who Olivia was after weekly visits for five years. They were all pretty nice, except for Jennifer, her father’s nurse.

“Yeah, uh, I’ve been busy,” Olivia gave her a weak smile. “I’m getting used to my new classes.”

“Of course,” Sheila smiled indulgently and handed Olivia a visitor’s sign-in sheet. “Well, you can go on in. Your dad just had dinner.”

Olivia signed the sheet. “Thanks, Sheila.”

“No problem, hon.”

Olivia gave her another sweet smile and left the desk, heading to her father’s room just down the hall. She knocked gently as she walked into the room, seeing her dad sitting in his wheelchair in front of the blank television.

“Hey, Dad,” she greeted him softly, walking around his chair to take a seat in front of him.

Jennifer, no matter how bitchy she was, made sure that Olivia knew it was important for Peter to be able to see who was talking to him. Even if he didn’t understand.

“Sorry I haven’t been to visit you,” Olivia apologized, looking into his blank eyes. “School started up again and I’ve been busy with that. I’m taking Advanced Spanish this semester. Lydia isn’t too happy that I keep spending time on it, but Derek and Laura said that the Hales could speak the language fluently.”

Peter blinked but he didn’t respond. Not that Oliva expected him to.

“Mr. Harris says I’m doing really well in Chemistry,” she continued. “He’s been giving me extra work. He claims it’ll bring me to my full potential but I don’t need extra worksheets to tell me I’m good at science.”

Olivia went on, telling her father about superficial things that were happening in her life. When it came to the heavy stuff, she hesitated, eyes starting to water.

“Dad,” she paused, her voice thick as she wiped her eyes before tears could form. “Dad, Laura’s dead. Derek found her cut in half. Someone killed her but we don’t think it was the Argents because then Derek would be the alpha and he’s not.”

She took a deep shuddering breath. “The alpha is still around, though. He attacked a bus driver at my school…he bit one of the kids in my class. His name’s Scott. Derek and I are trying to help him adjust, but he’s being a little stubborn.”

“And he’s got this friend,” Olivia shook her head and chuckled once. “He’s so annoying, he thinks he knows everything. But he’s actually pretty smart,” she admitted, thinking of Stiles’ intellect. “Almost as smart as me.”

Olivia’s eye caught sight of the analog clock on the wall, seeing that visiting hours were almost over.

“I’ve got to go, Dad,” she sighed, standing up. She leaned over and kissed the top of Peter’s head. “I’ll come back next week, on schedule. Love you.”

Olivia gave him one last smile before leaving the room, missing the way Peter’s eyes followed after her.

After signing out on the sheet up at the desk with Sheila, Olivia made her way back to the main part of the hospital. She had gotten a text message from Derek, telling her that he was there talking to the injured bus driver and that he’d take her home when he was finished.

She was planning on waiting around until his visit was done. However, she wasn’t planning on running into Stiles Stilinski in the hallway by a vending machine.

“Olivia,” Stiles looked at her in surprise, turning away from the machine with a candy-bar in one hand and a paper bag in the other. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, I was, uh, visiting my dad,” Olivia gestured behind her awkwardly. “What about you?”

“Picking up medicine,” Stiles held up the paper bag that had the logo of the hospital pharmacy printed on it.

Olivia nodded.

“Did you, uh, did you get the homework from Thomas?” Stiles already knew what their English homework was, but he wanted an excuse to keep talking to her. “I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“Yeah,” Olivia nodded, remembering the assignment easily. “I can message you it, if you want.”

“Oh, sure,” Stiles grinned. “Um, do you have my number?”

“Yeah, you called me before,” she reminded him before pausing. “Yeah, how’d you get my number?”

Stiles smiled sheepishly and rubbed his hand over his short hair. “I looked up your information in the system.”

“That’s illegal.”

“Yeah…”

Olivia snorted, she couldn’t help it. Sometimes Stiles could be a little funny when he wasn’t annoying the shit out of her. Even though she should have been weirded out that he got her cellphone number from the system at his dad’s work, she found it kind of funny that he went to such lengths just to find out what had happened with Jackson.

Suddenly, before Olivia could reply or Stiles could bask in the fact that he made her laugh, Derek came walking down the hallway. Olivia could see the slight confusion and panic in his eyes and she didn’t like it one bit.

“Let’s go,” he said briskly, grabbing her arm.

Olivia looked back at Stiles, seeing his narrowed eyes, and let Derek pull her away.

“What’s wrong?” she asked her cousin as they walked out of the hospital.

“The bus driver knew who I was,” Derek answered tensely.

Olivia stopped breathing, shocked. “What does that mean?”

“I don’t know,” Derek opened the driver door of his Camaro and slid into his seat. “But I’m gonna find out.”

Stiles walked gingerly across the roof next to Scott’s bedroom window, trying not to let his full weight settle on the creaking material. He sneakily opened up the window that Scott never locked—which was kind of dangerous on his best friend’s part—and tried to crawl onto the bed set right beneath it.

He cursed under his breath as his foot caught on the window sill.

Stiles freed himself and rolled onto the bed, screaming in fright when he came face-to-face with Scott’s mom, Melissa.

Melissa, who was holding up a bat, about to swing at him.

Melissa shouted, shocked, and put down the bat. “Stiles, what the hell are you doing here?”

“What am I doing?” Stiles exclaimed in shock, gesturing wildly to the baseball bat in her hand. “God, do either of you even play baseball?”

Melissa scoffed, still breathing heavily from the shock of seeing Stiles.

The light turned on as Scott shuffled into the room, giving his mom and best friend questioning looks.

“Can you please tell your friend to use the front door?” Melissa asked Scott, waving her hand at Stiles.

“But we lock the front door,” Scott said, shrugging. “he wouldn’t be able to get in.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

Stiles gave Melissa an offended look.

“And, by the way,” Melissa continued, looking between the boys. “do either of you care that there’s a police-enforced curfew?”

“Not really.”

“No.”

Stiles and Scott grinned at each other when they spoke at the same time.

Melissa sighed. “No? All right, then,” she threw the bat onto Scott’s bed behind Stiles. “that’s enough parenting for me in one night. Good night.”

As Melissa walked out of Scott’s room, Stiles sighed heavily, remembering why he came here.

After he saw Derek practically drag Olivia out of the hospital, nurses started to rush by him, a code being called. The bus driver was coding and the nurses tried to revive him, but he ended up dying.

It was very suspicious to Stiles that Derek just happened to be at the hospital just as the bus driver started to flat line.

Scott noticed the sad look Stiles gave him. As he pulled his desk chair over to the bed, he asked him, “What?”

“I left the hospital twenty minutes ago,” Stiles started solemnly. “It’s the bus driver. He succumbed to his wounds.”

“Succumbed?” Scott gave him a confused look.

“Scott,” Stiles sighed sadly. “he’s dead.”

(Gif is not mine.)

#teen wolf rewrite #stiles stilinski x oc #stiles stilinksi x reader #teen wolf #stiles stilinski #stiles stilinski fanfiction #teen wolf fanfiction #stiles stilinski x original character

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miguel-manbemel · 5 years ago

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Aspects & Fanfics Ep. 34: The Vacation Part 1: A Rough Start

I thought I wouldn’t have this finished on time, as I’ve been writing all the monologues with the Sides, making that Roman video and then also writing the Spanish subtitles for the new episode of Sanders Sides. But I got it just on time, and here it is. It’s the first part of a story which I don’t know yet how many parts it will have. We’ll find out together. Now, without further ado, I leave you with the story and I hope you enjoy it. Until next time.

SYNOPSIS: Thomas and the Sides travel to Sandersia to spend a week of vacation in the Royal Castle with Roland and Ira. The objective is for Remus and Roland to get to know each other and eventually become friends, so that Roland will let Remus and Janus marry in the Royal Castle with Logan and Patton. But Remus has all kinds of doubts about it and the day is not going to end in very good terms...

WARNINGS: Romantic prinxiety, logicality and dukeceit. There’s a scene featuring an apparent death, and a lot of angst, especially from Remus.

EPISODE INDEX

[Remus and Janus are inside the royal carriage going through Sandersia towards the royal castle. Roman and Virgil are sitting in front of them]

REMUS: [nervous] I don’t know if this is a good idea, guys…

JANUS: Why? It’s only a week of vacation. You have nothing to worry about.

REMUS: Honey, I appreciate that you lie to try and comfort me, but you and I both know this is more than a vacation, at least for me.

ROMAN: Remus, relax. If you behave just like you’ve been behaving with us the previous weeks, there’s nothing you should be afraid of… Well, maybe bringing crushed cockroaches to his door like you usually do to mine is not a good idea if you want to impress my brother Roland, but you know what I mean, right?

REMUS: What about it? It’s a proof of my undying brotherly love for you, Roman! I'm bringing you the delicious products of my hunting around my room!

ROMAN: [trying to hide disgust] Yes, of course, Remus, of course…

REMUS: [over dramatically offended] Okay, whatever, it’s your loss! The next one I catch, I’ll cook and eat it myself, and I won’t share!

JANUS: Hearing that makes me long to be a real snake again… at least as a snake I could eat that without feeling nausea…

[intro sequence]

REMUS: Ugh, this carriage is taking forever. Didn’t you say that this thing used to travel at lightspeed? It doesn’t look so.

ROMAN: Yeah, I know. Since the Dark Master manipulated the royal carriages, we haven’t been able to figure out how to put them back to normal. We’ll have to deal with that for the time being. At least, they’re still convenient to travel, even if not faster than a regular car of the outer world.

VIRGIL: Also, maybe it’s not a good idea to have two carriages at the same time running at that speed. We could crash against Thomas and the others’ carriage if they stopped abruptly for some reason, and Thomas could get hurt. I mean, all of us could get hurt, but Thomas is human and his wounds wouldn’t heal as easily, so…

ROMAN: Yeah, maybe so…

REMUS: And I don’t know what your brother expects from me! How can I please him if I don’t know him or what he wants?

ROMAN: Well, that’s what we’re going there for, Remus. Your task is to get to know him and let him get to know you, and eventually become friends.

REMUS: [beat] And then, we’ll live happily ever after, right? We’re the Sanders Sides, Roman, not the Brady Bunch.

ROMAN: But Remus…

REMUS: Let’s face facts, okay? Your brother hates me. He has a valid reason, of course, after what I did, but nothing I can do is gonna make him stop hating me.

ROMAN: But…

REMUS: If saving your son from the clutches of the Dark Master himself didn’t change his opinion about me, I doubt I can do anything else to convince him… This is a mistake, we should go back.

ROMAN: [loud and a bit angry] NO!

[there’s a short silence, then Roman continues]

ROMAN: You’re not gonna run away from this without at least trying! You owe it to him, like you said, after what you did to him! At least, make the effort to fix things for once in your life! I’m tired of having to mediate between my two brothers, not being able to share time with both of you at the same time!

REMUS: But he’s your brother, Roman, not mine! I don’t owe him anything!

ROMAN: That’s bold of you to say considering that you would have killed him if Ira hadn’t stopped you at the last second.

REMUS: [hurt] You’re never gonna let me live up with that, right, Roman? You will always hold that against me!

ROMAN: Remus, I already forgave you long ago, but it’s Roland to whom you did that. You have to earn his forgiveness too. I think it’s only fair that at least you try to apologize to him and show him that you have no ill will against him.

REMUS: But I have no ill will against him, you know it!

ROMAN: But he doesn’t know. I’m gonna tell you something he told me last time, but I beg you, please don’t mention him I told you. He’s still terribly scared of you. And even if he hadn’t told me verbally, he had already made that clear to me non-verbally. What you did to him… traumatized him to the point that your mere mention makes him go pale and slightly tremble. I noticed it the last time we spoke. He tries to hide it because he thinks that, as the regent prince, he has to show strength to govern this principality, or at least that he has to look like it. And I’m sure he wants to make me believe that he’s strong enough so that I think that nothing can affect him. But I’ve know him since he was a baby. I know when he’s scared, and you, Remus, you scare him to death.

REMUS: Why are you telling me all of this? To make me feel even guiltier? To remind me that the blame for his suffering is all mine and I should go to hell for my past actions? To tell me that my struggle for doing better is useless and I should stop trying?

ROMAN: No, Remus, you’re taking it the wrong way. I’m telling you this to make you understand that your actions had consequences, and in order to be able to truly move on, you must try, at least, to fix those consequences the best that you can. I want to be able to tell my brother about you without causing him a panic attack and my biggest wish, even if probably impossible, is that you two managed to get along, or at least tolerate each other. He’s doing a big effort to make this work. I want that at least you do the same effort. If it doesn’t work out in the end, I’ll understand, but don’t give up without at least trying. Like I told Roland, if not for him, at least do it for me.

REMUS: [sighs] Okay… I can’t promise that I’ll fulfill your brother’s expectations in the end… but I will try, for you.

ROMAN: Thank you, brother. [singing sweetly] “That’s all I ask of you.”

JANUS: Phantom of the Opera, my favorite musical.

VIRGIL: [ironic] I wonder why? [looking out the window] Okay, guys, I think we’re arriving to the castle.

REMUS: [nervous] Oh, gosh…

JANUS: [holding Remus’ hand] Calm down, Rem. Remember we’re rooting for you.

REMUS: I hope so…

ROMAN: Your nervousness shows that you’re taking this pretty seriously. Thank you.

[the carriage stops in front of the castle, next to the other carriage. All the gang comes out of the carriages. Roland and Ira are waiting at the door. When Roland sees Remus he makes a tense face for a second, but puts himself together]

ROLAND: Greetings, guests. Welcome back to the castle.

THOMAS: It’s nice to be back, Roland.

ROMAN: Hi, Roland, nice to see you again. I… suppose you remember my brother Remus.

ROLAND: [frowning at him slightly] Yes, I do. [low voice, but not low enough so that they can’t hear him] Unfortunately…

REMUS: [ignoring that] How… how do you do, sir?

ROLAND: [sardonic] Oh, “sir”? You call me now sir? That’s new.

ROMAN: Roland… you promised.

ROLAND: I know… I know, sorry, you’re right. Let’s do as if nothing had happened and start over. Welcome to the castle, Remus.

REMUS: Thank you.

[Remus rises his hand. Roland hesitates for a second, then timidly reaches his hand to Remus’ and shakes hands with him. Remus can feel Roland’s hand trembling inside his and when he looks at his face he notices how pale he’s suddenly gone]

REMUS: Before anything else… I wanted to say that I’m sorry for everything I did to you. It was really bad and I understand that it probably is unforgivable. But I’m sorry, anyway, and I hope you accept my apologies. I promise I will never ever do that sort of thing again, by my noble title I swear.

ROLAND: [with a face of surprise] That’s… that’s actually kind of you to say. Okay, enough time spent at the door. Please, come in. Ira, show them their rooms. I have to take care of some urgent matters in my room.

IRA: It will be my pleasure.

ROLAND: I hope you excuse me right now, we’ll have time to talk later.

ROMAN: Of course, Roland. See ya later.

IRA: Follow me, guys.

ROMAN: Thank you, Ira.

[The gang enters the castle, following Ira, while Roland goes somewhere else]

IRA: You must excuse Roland today, he hasn’t been himself at all. He’s so nervous that this morning he dropped the teapot when he was about to serve himself a cup of coffee. It took two hours to clean the shattered teapot and the huge stain of coffee from the carpet, and the stain is still not gone completely.

ROMAN: I’m sorry to hear that.

REMUS: I guess it’s my fault.

IRA: It is, indeed… Oh, I’m… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude, but I suppose you understand this is not easy for him.

REMUS: It’s not easy for me either. I may act without thinking most of the time and I may love to pester everyone with all kinds of shenanigans, but I mean no real harm for anyone, and back then I wasn’t myself either. By the way, I never got the chance to thank you.

IRA: Thank me? For what?

REMUS: For stopping me at the last second before I did something unfixable. To think that I could have killed someone for real if you hadn’t arrived on time… I would have had that on my conscience, at leas the little amount of conscience I have in my brain, for all of my life. So, again, thank you for stopping me.

IRA: Well… you’re welcome, and I’m happy I could have been of help in your path to… redemption. I apologize too for the times I had to take control of your body in emergencies.

REMUS: It’s okay… as long as it happens in a real emergency and you don’t take too long. It’s a horrible feeling, like Roman and Patton can attest.

IRA: Of course. I’ll try not to do that again, unless I’m forced by circumstances. Well, we’re here. This is Patton and Logan’s room. I hope you like it.

LOGAN: It looks adequate.

PATTON: I love this room, [excited squeeing] and look, Logan, there’s a portrait of kittens on the main wall! I love this! Thank you, Ira!

IRA: I knew you would love it, Patton. See ya later guys.

[while Logan and Patton enter their room, the others follow Ira to the next door]

IRA: This room will be for Thomas, Ian and Chris.

THOMAS: Yeah, a room for the single ones. It will be like being back on the student residence when I was in college.

CHRIS: It could be fun.

IAN: Thank you, Ira.

IRA: You’re welcome.

[the others follow Ira to the next door]

IRA: This room will be for Roman and Virgil. I would have given you the royal suite as the Royal Princes of Sandersia, but I thought you would prefer to be all next to each other. I can set up the royal chamber if you want me to.

ROMAN: No, Ira, you guessed right. I prefer being next to my friends for the week, and this room is lovely too.

VIRGIL: Yes, thank you, Ira.

[Remus and Janus follow Ira to the last door]

IRA: And this is your room, guys. I hope you like it.

JANUS: It’s totally not great at all, Ira. Thank you.

IRA: You’re welcome.

REMUS: Yes, I suppose it’s okay. I’m not an expert in super clean rooms, so…

IRA: I… I prefer not to know what you’re talking about… Okay, now, if you excuse me, I’ve got some chores to do. I still have to finish up cleaning the coffee spot. I’ll go check on you later. See ya, guys.

JANUS: See ya, Ira. It’s so good to see you living your best life now. When I think that for some time, we had lost you.

IRA: That time is in the past now, thankfully. See ya later, my friend.

[Ira leaves them while Remus and Janus enter the room]

REMUS: Yes, it’s not a bad castle. Not as good as my own castle, but not bad at all.

JANUS: Are you feeling any better now, Remus?

REMUS: I wish, but the truth is that I’m not. I feel… I don’t know, like an octopus out of water, like… this was not my place, and everyone living here knew it and looked at me like a freak. Normally I wouldn’t care about it, but now, I do, and I don’t know why.

JANUS: Maybe it’s because you’re feeling a sense of responsibility you have never felt before. You don’t care about the others’ opinion, but you’re scared to disappoint Roman. Am I wrong?

REMUS: Maybe. I didn’t want to do this at all. If I’m unwanted somewhere, I don’t need to set a foot there. We could have married anywhere, even if it couldn’t have been the double wedding we had planned with Logan and Patton. But when Roman begged me like that the other day. I knew it was really important for him, and I acquiesced.

JANUS: You really love your brother, right?

REMUS: Yes, I do. Despite all, and even in my worst times, when I was enduring the worst isolation, I could never stop loving him. If this is important for him, I’ll do it.

[Janus holds Remus’ hand]

JANUS: I knew under all that exterior of madness and randomness of yours, there was a heart of gold. It’s just a little rusty of not using for a long time, but it’s gold nonetheless.

[Remus smiles lovingly at Janus, then kisses him. Meanwhile, Roman and Virgil are in their room]

VIRGIL: Roman, you look so worried.

ROMAN: I am worried, Virge. Very much.

VIRGIL: About Remus?

ROMAN: Of course. I’m afraid I’ve placed on his shoulders too much weight to handle, all for my selfish wish to force my two brothers to get along. Maybe I’m hoping for the impossible and I’m about to do more harm than good.

VIRGIL: Well, from the moment we welcomed Remus into the team, we all knew we had to tackle Roland and Remus’ relationship one day or another.

ROMAN: Yes, you’re right, but still… I don’t know how this week is gonna end. I’m imagining all the worst-case scenarios and it’s driving me mad.

VIRGIL: [understanding smirk] Welcome to my world, Roman.

ROMAN: And you have to deal with this all the time? Gosh, Virgil, I don’t know how you can handle this.

VIRGIL: When worrying is all that you’ve known in your life, you become used to it. For me it’s my natural state of living at this point. Except when I get too heightened or Thomas goes into a panic attack. In those times, not even I could endure the pressure and I break down, just like anybody else in those scenarios. But my job is to try and maintaining the balance of tension between vigilance and anxiety, and I must try to be strong to maintain it as much as possible.

ROMAN: Well, kudos, my love. I admire your strength so much.

[Roman kisses Virgil on the cheek. Virgil gives him a heartwarming smile]

VIRGIL: You’re welcome. And I wouldn’t worry too much in advance in this case. I think Remus looks pretty capable of dealing with this, and if he loves you, which I think he does, he’ll do everything he can to make this work.

ROMAN: I know he will… But on the other hand, I’m also worrying about Roland. This is a huge struggling situation for him and I essentially pushed him into it against his will. Maybe he wasn’t ready for this ordeal.

VIRGIL: He loves you too, so he’ll do his best too. Let’s hope for the best.

ROMAN: Let’s hope so, indeed.

[someone knocks at the door]

ROMAN: Come in!

[a servant opens the door]

SERVANT: Your highness, the regent prince asks to meet you, alone.

ROMAN: My brother? Okay, I’m coming. Will you be all right, Virge?

VIRGIL: Yes, I’ll be fine. After I have retouched my eyeshadow, I’ll go hang out with Thomas and the others. Look for me in their room if you don’t find me here when you return.

ROMAN: Okay, see ya later, Virge.

[Roman gets out of the room and follows the servant to Roland’s desk room]

SERVANT: [announcing him at the door] Your Royal Highness, Prince Roman!

ROLAND: Hi, Roman, come in.

[Roman enters the room, then the servant leaves and closes the door behind him]

ROMAN: Is everything okay, Roland?

ROLAND: Yes… yes, it’s fine, it’s fine.

ROMAN: [sitting down next to Roland] Are you sure? Ira told me about the teapot.

ROLAND: Oh, he shouldn’t have. I didn’t want you to worry about me.

ROMAN: As if not knowing it would have spared me the concern. I’ve been worrying about you for days already.

ROLAND: I’m so sorry, Roman.

ROMAN: Don’t be, I’m your big brother, it’s my job to worry about my little brother. Who else would, otherwise?

ROLAND: That was when we were kids, Roman. Now we’re both adults, we’re supposed to be able to take care of ourselves without making others worry about us.

ROMAN: If only that was true. But it isn’t. It’s only natural that we worry about the people we love and their well-being. That’s part of being family. And we’re family, right?

ROLAND: A very atypical family, though. Sometimes I’m still confused about if I should call you brother or father because you created me in this world as your brother.

ROMAN: As you said when you learned the truth, I’m family either way, so does it really matter?

ROLAND: No, I guess not.

ROMAN: Okay, you asked me to come, and here I am, so what is it?

ROLAND: Yes, I was thinking that this afternoon, after lunch, we could all go to the beach in front of the castle, to spend the rest of the first day having some fun. I’ll be free then to join you. If you want, of course, we can do whatever you want if you had something else in mind.

ROMAN: Sounds like a great plan, Roland. I’m sure the others will agree too when I tell them.

ROLAND: Then it is settled. Now, since you’re here, perhaps we could spend… five boring minutes together as I bring you up to date about the principality. I need to know if you agree with the choices I made, you’re the real Royal Prince after all and it’s your duty too.

ROMAN: [sighs with a smirk] Okay, brother. Bore me.

[Roman and Roland start talking about the principality’s administration while looking at some documents on the desk. Time goes by and it’s the afternoon. The gang is at the beach. Ira and Janus are lying on some deck chairs, under an umbrella, wearing a bath suit and sunglasses. The others are all in the water, Remus splashing at Roman who complains about it, Patton trying not to go too far from the shore as he can’t see anything without glasses. Logan is next to him trying to protect him, even though he’s as blind as him without his own glasses. The rest just enjoy the water on their own. Janus and Ira look at the others]

IRA: The water looks fine. Don’t you want to join them, Jan? Oh, it’s still weird to me to call you Jan instead of Dee. I can call you Jan, right?

JANUS: Of course you can, Ira. And nah, I’m not in the mood for swimming. Maybe because I still remember my days as a real snake, when I was a cold-blooded creature and I preferred sunbaths better than water baths. What about you? You don’t want to join them? Don’t feel obligated to stay with me just to give me company. I could take the time to take a little nap while you have fun.

IRA: I’m much better here, having a tranquil rest. A palace can be hard work sometimes, you know?

JANUS: You know what? I’m glad you bring this up now that we’re alone, because I’m often wondering something.

IRA: What is it?

JANUS: Is it okay for you to be a servant of Roland in exchange of living here? Working all day, doing the castle’s chores till you get exhausted… I thought you came here as his personal protector, not as his butler, and I purposely used that word instead of “slave” so as not to talk bad about Roland. I don’t know… you once were a full Side of your own and it hurts me to see you down to this, if you know what I mean.

IRA: I understand your concern and I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s not what you think. When I first came here, Roland treated me with so much reverence, as if I was almost… like a god of some kind. He didn’t let me do anything in the castle and treated me as if I was the true owner of this principality. I had my own servants to do everything for me and… it got a little stressing, not to mention that I got really bored after days went by without doing anything. So, it was me who suggested him to let me do the chores in the castle. At first he refused, but when I talked about how I was feeling, he acquiesced. I told him from the first minute that I wanted him to tell me what needed to be done as soon as it needed to be done, so I could stay busy, and so it has been up until today. So don’t worry, Janus. I’m totally fine and I’m doing this on my own free will.

JANUS: Okay, if you say so. You know I didn’t mean to be rude to Roland, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.

IRA: I know. You’ve always looked after me ever since the Dark Realm days, and I’ll always thank you for your friendship.

JANUS: My pleasure.

[Ira smiles at Janus, then looks at the sea. After a few seconds, his smile fades away and is replaced by a face of fear]

JANUS: Is there… something wrong, Ira?

IRA: Where is Roland? I can’t see him anywhere.

[Janus looks for Roland too]

JANUS: You’re right… He’s gone!

[Janus and Roland get up and run to the sea, next to Patton and Logan who are the ones closer to them]

IRA: Guys! Roland is missing! Where is Roland!?

PATTON: I… I don’t know, kiddos, I can’t see without my glasses.

JANUS: [carrying both glasses and giving them to Logan and Patton] Here guys, put them on.

[Logan and Patton put their glasses on]

LOGAN: You’re right, Roland is missing… And Remus too, I can’t see him anywhere either.

IRA: What is going on here? [yelling, calling the others] Guys! Guys, Roland and Remus are missing! Guys!

[the others hear them and start looking in all directions, trying to find them. Roman swims next to the beach]

ROMAN: I hope nothing happened to them.

[suddenly, Remus rises up from under the water]

IRA: Look, there is Remus, he was diving into the sea. But where is Roland!?

[Remus swims calmly without any concern at all]

IRA: Why is Remus so calm!? Did he have anything to do with this? This is suspicious as heck!

ROMAN: Remus! Remus, come here at once!

REMUS: What? I can’t hear you!

ROMAN: [yelling as loud as his lungs allow him] I SAID COME HERE, RIGHT NOW!

REMUS: Okay!

[Remus swims next to the others]

REMUS: What’s the matter?

IRA: You tell us! Where is Roland?

REMUS: What? Roland? What do I know?

ROMAN: Remus, if you know anything about where he is, tell us now, before it’s too late!

REMUS: I’m telling you I don’t know where the f… [bleep] Roland is!

IRA: Yeah, Roland and you disappear at the same time, then you emerge out of the water and swim as if it had nothing to do with you while we’re all worried about him. And you expect us to believe you don’t know anything!

REMUS: Listen, you damn ladybug, I’m telling you I know nothing about this! I was diving calmly, watching some octopuses underwater, and when I came out I didn’t know that your little prince was missing! Janus, say something!

[Janus hesitates. Remus shows a face of huge hurt]

REMUS: You don’t believe me either? I thought you could distinguish between lies and truths! I’m saying the truth right now, please believe me!

JANUS: [after looking at Remus’ face for a couple of seconds] He’s saying the truth. He’s had nothing to do with Roland’s disappearance.

IRA: Sorry, Janus, but you are too attached to Remus. Forgive me if I take your judgment with a pinch of salt. Not saying that you’re lying on purpose, but maybe your love for him could be fooling you.

IAN: Look! He’s there, behind that rock! He’s floating on the water!

IRA: [horrified] Oh, no!

ROMAN: [also horrified] Remus, what have you done?

REMUS: [in despair] I did nothing! I swear! You have to believe me!

[Roman swims to the place Ian pointed at, until he reaches Roland. He’s unconscious, floating on the water]

ROMAN: [horrified] Oh, my goodness gracious, Roland! No!

[when he touches Roland, he flinches and opens his eyes]

ROLAND: [scared] What!? What’s going on!?

[Roland sinks into the water, getting out as quickly as he can, then looks at Roman and takes some ear plugs out of his ears]

ROMAN: Roland, you’re alive! Thank goodness, you scared the sh** [bleep] out of me!

ROLAND: I’m… sorry, Roman, I was floating on the water, with my ear plugs so that water didn’t enter my ears. I guess I got so relaxed that I fell asleep for a moment. I’m sorry I scared you.

ROMAN: Then that means… [looking at Remus, who watches the scene from afar] Oh, Remus!

[Roman returns as fast as he can to where Remus and the others are. Roland follows him from behind]

ROMAN: Remus, I’m so sorry!

REMUS: [serious face] How could you honestly believe I could do that to you, even for a second?

IRA: Well, it wouldn’t have been, like, the first time you had tried to do that…

REMUS: [yelling in a sudden outburst of wrath] I’m talking to my brother, not to you! I don’t give a f… [bleep] sh… [bleep] about what you think about me, you fake doodle! But I do care about Roman’s opinion and…

[tears burst out of his eyes. Remus turns around, then gets out of the water and approaches the deck chairs, not facing the others, who follow him a few steps behind]

ROMAN: I have no excuse. I can only tell you that I’m sorry and that I should have trusted you from the start.

REMUS: Yes, you should have. But you didn’t. And it seems no matter what I do to be better, you’ll never fully trust me, right?

[Remus makes a gesture and he’s dressed with his usual outfit]

REMUS: I’m not in the mood for more… beaching around. I’m going to my room, I want to be alone.

JANUS: Remus, I…

REMUS: I said alone, Janus. I don’t want you to follow me either.

JANUS: Okay… As you wish, Remus.

[Remus walks two steps, then, with a broken voice, he looks at Janus, with his eyes wet and red, and speaks]

REMUS: What hurts me the most is that… even you, Janus, had doubts about me… Even you, my love, thought me capable of…

[before Janus can answer, Remus starts running towards the castle. They can’t see his face, but they all notice clearly that he’s crying]

[to be continued, guys, gals and non binary pals]

[end card]

ROLAND: I’m sorry I have been the cause of this terrible misunderstanding.

IRA: No, it’s my fault, I didn’t give Remus a chance.

ROMAN: It’s not your fault only, Ira. You were driven by concern over Roland’s life, as much as me, and we were all unfair to Remus.

IRA: But still, what I said is true, he did try to do harm to Roland once, so to claim that he’s not capable of doing such thing is false. I was wrong and I’m really sorry, but even so, I had a high chance of being right. You all know it.

LOGAN: But you’re judging an old version of Remus, a Remus that is long gone. The Remus of today may be a lunatic, but he’s not a murderer. Humans evolve all the time and we, Sides, as we’re part of a human, do too. Do I need to remind you of your first entrance in the living room, Ira, and how much you changed afterwards?

IRA: I… [sighs] I guess you’re right.

THOMAS: Well, getting to know who is right or wrong or who to blame is not important. The important thing right now is to make sure that Remus is okay and apologize to him.

JANUS: I’ll go see him.

ROMAN: But he said he wanted to be alone.

JANUS: I’m the one who has the most to apologize for. I’m his fiancee. How am I supposed to start a marriage if I fail in the most basic idea of marriage, which is trust. I need to talk to him, in the name of all of you but also and mostly in the name of me, because I failed him.

ROLAND: Again, I’m so sorry I’ve been the cause of so much pain for all of you. I didn’t mean…

JANUS: It’s not your fault at all, Roland. Okay, I’ll go see him. I hope at least he lets me in the room.

[Janus heads to the castle while the others look at him with faces of remorse]

PATTON: Who would have thought this day that seemed to be so happy would end so badly. I hope Remus and Janus can amend things.

ROMAN: And I hope he can forgive us too…

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bilgisticallykosher · 5 years ago

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Sanders Asides: Are There Healthy Distractions? reaction

Pre-anything: I'm not expecting to love this one as much as the last episode. Nothing terrible, but the disgusting trash man intro is just a hard thing to beat.

I’m expecting this to be SvS part 2. I'm expecting some sort of reaction and conclusion to Virgil's reveal at the end of DWIT. I'm therefore looking for any sign of confidence from Virgil immediately pointing to him being Deceit. I think it's likely not going to be addressed until late in the episode. Virgil angst until he comes back. Will Deceit be wearing Virgil's current hoodie? People have theorized that since he took notes on Roman's advice, it's possible for him to be better at pretending to be someone else. Especially someone who pops in, as opposed to rising up.

I'm also anticipating Thomas to come up with a different solution to the callback/wedding thing. Namely, Logan asking him if he'd just speak to Lee and Mary Lee, and ask to celebrate another time, more privately, and if he could go to the callback. Like, there's definitely a reason Deceit threw Logan in the back where he thought he'd have less influence.

I'm also waiting on Roman angst. We needed to meet another character (there's no way it wasn't Remus) before entering Roman's room.

OH GOSH they're doing animation, right? Or, another medium? That's gotta be for Roman's room! I was thinking maybe stop-motion or fluid animation. I'd also LIKE Deceit's name reveal, but I'm not sure we'll get that.

Post-title screen. I thought this was an old TS & Friends I'd missed. I, didn't love Frozen. This is an understatement. Okay. Still really like the name Sanders Asides, it's funny. That's. Hm. Well, it looks like Virgil. In a different outfit? Intriguing. So, distractions, like distracting yourself from wedding/callback? Also, "Are there healthy distractions?" Almost like "Can lying be good?" (At least, I have misremembered the title as "Can distractions be good?" at least five times already.)

Okay I'm also focusing too much on my theory and supporting it. I know Frozen has been used as a metaphor for Depression and/or other mental illnesses, so, maybe that's why Virgil's the focus in the title screen?

WATCHING! Y'know, despite the Jewish thing, I've only ever seen two episodes of The Goldbergs, didn't really get into- YES HELLO THOMAS. What. Is this an actual ad? Why does he sound like a pirate? HA! He acknowledged it. "What the hell is that accent?" Idk, a little Remus, a little midwest?

Okay, that was the opening? Wondering if the red jacket plays any special significance, or they just saw it and bought it.

I like the effects of the A. Virgil is. There already. Hnnnnnm. I dunno, man. This is supposed to be part of the chronological series, right? Oh it's a skeleton onesie! Canon onesie for Virgil!

WOAH EVERYONE! Ooh, Roman's Beast? I wonder if that'd change depending on what show either actual, or character, Thomas is in. They're all there! Different order, too!

OH MY GOSH is this taking place twenty minutes after DWIT? IS THIS DECEIT??? I failed at not pushing my theory, whoops. I'm still suspicious. (Roman's floppy horns.)

Literally nobody believes that you didn't put all Frozen answers in, Ro. "I don't wear those anymore, they're too childish." Still waiting on Logan angst, too… probably after Roman.

"Thomas is in a bad place" Virgil looks uncomfortable, but he also didn't seem so offended when Roman pulled his "twenty minutes ago" line. Well, it's definitely Logan, "Thomas is at home." Haha. Also, Roman's hood falling down was hilarious??

Okay, screw it, I'm pushing this. Virgil did learn last episode that repressing problems isn't the way to deal with them. But I feel like Deceit would also keep pressing for them to acknowledge why he feels bad? Also, Thomas's face, wow, discomfort.

I don't get the "Thomas in the movie" joke, it's a snowflake? "Or neutral." Burn! "This weird ice cutting song." Man, where's the Critic? "Externalization" he had a little smile, guys.

Some Logan vs. Patton tension AND some Logan vs. Roman tension. "Fear will be your enemy." Virgil looked at, Thomas, I think? Damn guys, this might actually be Virgil.

Okay I watched this four times, Virgil and Logan do not shout Joan. And Thomas does it sadly afterwards. "Passage of time," This might actually be Virgil!

I just choked! Oh my gosh, you guys, he is naked my throat hurts from not screaming. I'm having trouble getting over this. This cannot be a shock to anyone, but I want to hear him say "I sleep in the buff" several thousand more times.

"Did I screw everything up" oooh, I was wrong, it's Virgil, but who cares, buff. Thomas is looking at his phone, is it not too late for callback?

WOAH going right for Patton's throat! Ahaha, the tallies were hysterical.

"Why have a ballroom with no balls?" "*snrk*" Don't lie, Thomas, that's hysterical.

Patton's sadness and "without trust issues" hmmm. Shut out [her] whole life, is this supposed to be a comparison to anyone? Logan's "hey, yeah!" Is oddly hilarious.

Is the "he" that Virgil's talking about the director? "Well she really shouldn't be letting go of anymore of her clothing." Oh my gosh.

Oh, today is April 13th! The wedding is at night, so is he already missing the callback? ICE TOILET! Remus, my god. Also, just noting, minus hair and makeup, this is some easy Remus-ing for the crew. They didn't have to deal with the whole outfit.

Good point, Logan! This is not how Roman shows affection! Especially towards Disney! You guys, what if Roman is Deceit?... No, he hasn't been pushing the callback enough. But like. Beast/Prince symbolism? Hm. I'm watching him.

Wait, what the hell party? I, I'm confused, wait he's telling Thomas's friends? That doesn't sound like he's going to the wedding? Who is "he"? If he were missing the wedding, it'd be him talking about Lee and Mary Lee.

Unless he sent someone else to the wedding in his stead? So he could go to the callback? Did he send Deceit? That's. Unlikely. But misrepresenting his side? Idk idk.

"If he lied on purpose." MUSIC! Wait what's this about unsympathetic judgemental jerk? Who are they talking about??? This had better be revealed at the end. I went back, judgemental jerk used twice, and combative compatriot sounds like Deceit, what other "he" is there, but the Sides can't be seen by others, so????????

The music is still going. Rico? Oh, is that the answer? So is this unrelated to the wedding/callback? Okay, party isn't wedding. That was also an incredible act of breath control from Thomas. Standing ovation, dude.

Oooh, the grounding thing! Ice machine! Ice machine is one of my favorite Shorts characters, guys, I love him, he a loud boy. "Deodorant" *excited noise*... oh, no that's fine.

But I mean. Couldn't he do something now? Call or text an apology? Logan "have I mentioned that you called me cool yet" Sanders. Long ice powers list.

I just realized that the voting hat was Deceit's! I- oh, he's just literally off-screen. I'm. Fairly certain that I was wrong now, yes. Virgil hissy. Ha, they didn't want to do Deceit's makeup. Understandable. Oh, is this the animation thing?

"Love is an open wound" ooooh, nice. That was actually a cool re-write. In the buff. Is Thomas legit writing fanfiction now?

I do not like the holiday season, I'm Scrooge. I do love Joan, though! DARK SIDE SWEATERS I would legitimately never wear them. Ever. Because X-mas. But eyeballs and demons.

Logan angst is still incoming.

So, it was tied to the main narrative, but… Virgil wasn't addressed? So, is it just loosely tied, but not necessarily sequentially? It's real cute seeing them all hanging out together like on everyone's fanfics, and that had to be crazy to edit. And hey, the Frozen stuff was better with commentary. But I'm still waiting on SvS part two, I think. And post-DWIT "fallout," but I did really enjoy all of them together being (relatively) cute.

Sorry for being really focused on one theory. And, really, it's not like I'm disappointed with the episode. In and of itself, I liked it. It's just that I was expecting a direct continuation of the last two episodes, which this was not. And that's fine! I just, I hope we get that continuation. Like Thomas said, narrative has been building up for certain things, and they've been waiting on other aspects for a long time, so I'm sure they're even more excited to show them to us as we are to watch them. And have I mentioned editing? Must have been some job to do all that. Really great.

#new video reaction #character!thomas #sanders sides #ts spoilers #patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders

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horde-princess · 6 years ago

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Catradora in “Promise”

This ep has so much going on, I wanted to work through it chronologically and try to peel back the layers of their relationship. What are Catra’s motivations? What drives her to turn on Adora and leave her for dead? This gets kinda intense sorry but I add fun pictures to make up for it :’)

So the first flashback shows us how Catra came to rely on Adora for friendship and protection. After they relive this memory together, Catra instinctively saves Adora’s life, and they joke around a little--the heartwarming memory having briefly resurrected their broken friendship.

But as the episode continues, the cracks in their relationship start to show--cracks so deep they were hidden from both of them until they grew older. Catra casually jokes that Adora never had much faith in her, and when Adora agrees, Catra says she doesn’t blame her. This little exchange says a lot about their dynamic, since Catra always had so much faith in Adora (even when Adora may not have earned it). What I believe they’re talking about here is how Catra didn’t really work hard as a cadet, or do anything that would show her strength of character and thus allow Adora to respect/trust her. Catra was simply never given the opportunity to prove herself in that regard.

Then, Catra asks about Adora’s childhood memories. “It wasn’t all bad growing up in the Fright Zone, was it? I mean, you still have some good memories, right?” Considering the awkward way she asks this, you can kind of translate her question to mean “so, exactly how easy was it for you, leaving me behind? Did all the years we spent together really mean so little to you?”

In the next flashback, they’re older, and we see how Catra is struggling to hold back resentment towards Adora now. They are evenly matched fighters--actually, Catra might be better because she’s craftier than Adora--but somehow it’s always Adora who ends up getting all the praise... and Adora never noticed how unfair it was.

When we met Catra in the first episode, she came off as kind of lazy and rebellious, right? But in this episode it’s revealed that she only took on that persona when she realized she would always be seen as second best to Adora. She chose to protect her pride rather than put effort into something she would never get due credit for--from Adora, Shadow Weaver, or anyone else.

Basically, she had three options: 1.) fight against Adora and risk their relationship; 2.) work hard, accept her place as second best, and let everyone view her as weak (including the girl whose respect she desperately craved); and 3.) pretend she just didn’t care about her work. The implication of option 3 is that she chose to prioritize her relationship with Adora over her ambitions. But as Catra eventually learns, suppressing who you are is not a reliable coping mechanism.

After this, back in the beacon cave, Catra is attacked by a giant spider robot. She defeats it herself then gets extremely offended when Adora jumps in to try to save her from it. So we’re seeing how Catra’s past memories with Adora are affecting her motivations in the present day. She wants her respect but she’s not getting it. Now she’s back to being angry with Adora, and Adora (as usual) doesn’t understand why.

And then we get to a really pivotal moment. Adora apologizes for leaving, admitting she never wanted to leave Catra--just the Evil Horde. Then she says, “you could come with me, you could join the Rebellion! I know you’re not a bad person, Catra.”

Catra doesn’t respond but her conflicting emotions are written all over her face. Catra is not a bad person. She isn’t doing evil things just for the sake of hurting people or gaining power over people, like Hordak. She wants power to protect herself. Her morality is gray.

Catra was raised in an abusive, evil environment, trained to believe that people only respect you when they fear you. People only love you when they fear you... Except for Adora. Adora’s unconditional love was the foundation on which Catra had built her life. Through all the abuse and misery, it’s what gave her hope that things would be better one day. It’s what she clung to for survival.

When Adora abandoned her? That foundation of love and friendship crumbled to dust. Catra was forced to fall back on the only other method of self-preservation that she knew: power. Control. With Adora gone, she would do whatever she had to do in order to avoid ever becoming a victim again.

So at this point we can start piecing together Catra’s motivations... she is being driven on one hand by her childhood trauma (which Adora played a part in), and on the other hand by Adora’s betrayal. Adora is clueless about it all, which I sort of get since Catra never confronted her about anything. I think Adora is only just beginning to understand the extent of the emotional trauma she unintentionally inflicted on Catra, and there’s a lot of growth that needs to happen there before Catra will be willing to extend forgiveness. But I do think reconciliation is possible, and Catra’s reaction here when Adora says she’s not a bad person gives me hope that she can still be redeemed.

Moving on, there’s a flashback where we learn about Shadow Weaver’s abuse, and it sparks an argument where Catra yells at Adora for not protecting her “in any that would put [her] on Shadow Weaver’s bad side.” I won’t go into this since there are other posts analyzing it, but clearly Adora had broken her promise to Catra continually throughout their childhood without really realizing it. Anyway, then Adora asks why Catra won’t just leave with her and join the Rebellion, and Catra reveals it’s because she’s tired of living under Adora’s shadow.

Ok. Imma get deep for a second. So we’ve established that Catra hates feeling like she’s second best to Adora, and that’s what she thinks would happen if she joined her team. Strangely enough, in addition to Catra’s pride and ambition, my theory is that there may be a romantic element to this as well. Catra doesn’t want to be Adora’s sidekick, but... I don’t think her goal is to be better than Adora, either. I think what she wants more than anything is for Adora to see her as an equal. (Not once in the show does Catra say that she wants to be stronger than Adora. instead she says things like “I’m stronger than anyone ever thought” and that she wants Adora to feel weak. That’s a lot different than comparing their strength.)

Remember in the second episode, Catra tells her “it doesn’t matter what they do. The two of us look out for each other. And soon, we’ll be the ones calling the shots.” Catra was dreaming of the day when she and Adora would rule together, side by side. No more fighting for Hordak’s approval, no more relying on her protection. No more golden child vs. reject, but partners. Just the two of them at the top of the world. Maybe then, Catra would finally feel worthy of accepting Adora’s love. But how can they ever be equals, especially now that Adora is an 8 ft tall magical hero?... Well, they can’t be.

At least, not as long as they’re fighting on the same side.

It’s only on the battlefield where they can be seen as equally powerful, equally respected... by their kingdoms, and, most importantly, by each other. It makes sense in a twisted way. After all, there’s a thin line between love and hate.

So I believe this is part of the reason she refuses to join Adora’s side of the war. Catra thinks she needs to win Adora’s respect in order to balance out their relationship. Even if achieving this goal costs one of their lives. That sounds horrible but, as I wrote earlier, Catra’s faith in love was shattered by Adora’s betrayal, and now Catra is utilizing her abusers’ teachings that people only “love” you if they fear you.

[whew.........congrats if you’re still reading this lmao we’re nearing the end finally]

The last thing I’ll go over is the “promise” itself. Little Adora says the lines that Catra repeated wayyy back in the 2nd episode: “It doesn’t matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you. Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other.”

In what is possibly the most SOUL CRUSHING MOMENT IN TV HISTORY.... the girls walk off hand-in-hand, except little Catra turns back to look at her future self. and if I had to guess what was going through her mind it was probably something like, “I wish I could warn you, Catra... she’s going to break her promise. And your heart.”

Wow. This episode is an emotional journey. It shows that it wasn’t just one act of betrayal that turned her into a villain, but it was all the years of Adora unintentionally putting her down, despite promising to protect her. Catra sacrificed so much for their relationship, and in reliving this memory she realizes that she mistakenly placed all the faith she had in a girl who would one day throw it away like it meant nothing.

So, it’s with this swirling mix of emotions that Catra, for the second time this episode, finds herself with the choice of saving Adora’s life or letting her fall.

And now that she has had some time to reflect on it... well. What had valuing friendship ever done for Catra in the past?

edit: i’m in love with Adora, I just criticize her a lot in this post bc I was thinking from Catra’s perspective. I think Adora only had the best of intentions, but she was abused herself, and she certainly suffered under the burden of being Catra’s protector. Catra may have wanted her to rebel against Shadow Weaver w/ her when they were kids, but if she had done that then they both would’ve been screwed, and that’s something Catra doesn’t want to accept. Instead she wants to fixate jealously on the way Adora benefited from the special treatment. There is probably some truth to her accusation that Adora loved being the favorite (because, who wouldn’t?)--but that doesn’t change the fact that everything, everything Adora did was to keep Catra safe. Unfortunately, this arrangement still caused an inevitable status disparity, with Adora looking down on Catra and Catra stuck gazing up at her. god this ship is so tragic i love it ajsldjfl

#if anyone actually reads this whole thing you'll have to let me buy you a drink or something lmao #this story is so complex and amazing like.... Noelle's MIND. wow #catradora #she ra #meta

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