#anywho this is all by memory so there may be more

[tabl3]

the official almost kicked rocks™ tracker

Kaz: 8

Chase: 13 💀

Skylar: 7

Oliver: 6

Bree: 7

damn it wasn't even a competition 😭😭

[queenjunothegreat]

Okay!!!! After a couple days off, I'm back!! This time with more angst, and I'm not even gonna give you any fluff to counteract it! Writing this made me miserable! Yay! Also, the only relationship in this fic is Piper and Tristan, so I'm gonna need you all to help me because that tag does NOT get a lot of traffic, rip.

Anywho, may I present Ao3 Collection Day Ten: He Can't Remember Why

Tristan doesn’t really like the fact that he can’t remember things, but life goes on. His daughter is at school (or was it a camp? He can’t remember) and Hedge leaves, but Mellie stays. He’s starting to forget more now, things from before that shouldn’t have anything to do with that retreat he took. He knows there was a woman, and he loved her, but he doesn’t remember her name. He tells Mellie, and she won’t meet his eye, but she says that sometimes the human brain forgets hurtful things when it’s ready to heal. She says that him forgetting this woman is a good thing because it means he’s finally letting go. He agrees with her and pretends to not notice when she cancels his appointment to see a neurologist. What he doesn’t tell Mellie is that he’s not healing. He hasn’t let go. He’s always clung to those memories of that woman, and to lose them is like losing a limb. He may not remember her face, but he knows the shape of the hole her memories had filled in his heart. *** Tristan McLean is having memory problems. It's not a problem until it is. He tries to ignore it but he can't Ao3 Anniversary Collection Day Ten: Amnesia

Tristan McLean is having trouble remembering things. He doesn’t think he’s always had memory problems, and he’s not sure when these started. Well, that’s actually not entirely true. There’s a week that he can’t remember, and not the same kind of ‘can’t remember’ where he struggles to grasp at fuzzy details, this one is just an entire week of his life that has been completely blacked out. He’s reminded of those times where he was given confidential scripts to read over that had pages and pages of censored lines. He knows that something is supposed to be there, and he knows that it’s important, but he can’t see what it is. His life coach tells him that he just went on a retreat that didn’t agree with him, and that the memory loss is unfortunate, but not unexpected. He doesn’t remember hiring a life coach or why he needs one, but Hedge is nice and he gets along really well with his assistant Mellie. He doesn’t remember hiring Mellie, either, but he supposes that is ‘unfortunate, but not unexpected,’ too.

What he doesn’t tell Hedge is that he does remember one thing. He remembers his daughter cradling him to her chest while his body was wracked with sobs. He doesn’t remember why he needed her comfort but he knows that he did need it. Desperately.

Tristan doesn’t really like the fact that he can’t remember things, but life goes on. His daughter is at school (or was it a camp? He can’t remember) and Hedge leaves, but Mellie stays. He’s starting to forget more now, things from before that shouldn’t have anything to do with that retreat he took. He knows there was a woman, and he loved her, but he doesn’t remember her name. He tells Mellie, and she won’t meet his eye, but she says that sometimes the human brain forgets hurtful things when it’s ready to heal. She says that him forgetting this woman is a good thing because it means he’s finally letting go. He agrees with her and pretends to not notice when she cancels his appointment to see a neurologist. 

What he doesn’t tell Mellie is that he’s not healing. He hasn’t let go. He’s always clung to those memories of that woman, and to lose them is like losing a limb. He may not remember her face, but he knows the shape of the hole her memories had filled in his heart. 

Then, things go very, very wrong. His daughter comes home, and she brings her boyfriend. They claim to love each other, but there is a tension between them. A sadness. Tristan tries to ask them about it, but he’s only ever met with tight smiles and placating words. To make matters worse, his memory is getting spottier. He used to have an assistant, he knows he did because he walks past her desk, but he can’t remember her name or what she looked like. He books an appointment with a neurologist again and ignores the feeling of déjà vu. The doctor can’t find anything wrong with him; his MRI and CT scans come back clear and he passes the cognitive tests with flying colors. The doctor tells him that sometimes people start to lose their memory as they age. He’s far too young for that, but every case is unique. The doctor suggests he see a therapist. The therapist looks at him with kind, sad eyes and suggests he start journaling. 

He doesn’t tell the therapist about his relationship with his daughter. He doesn’t tell her about their strained conversations or the fact that he brought home chicken fajitas for dinner the night before. He doesn’t tell her about the fact that he hardly knows anything about his own daughter. He doesn’t tell her because he forgets that he can’t remember.

Things only ever get worse. He loses roles left, right, and center, he’s millions of dollars in debt over taxes he didn’t know he owed, and he finds his daughter sobbing hysterically on the beach clutching the dead body of a boy he thinks he’s supposed to know. He leaves LA after that. It’s too expensive and there’s too much noise and pressure. He just can’t take it anymore. He’s glad that he never sold his father’s house. It’s small and run-down and houses its own fair share of ghosts, but it’s just what he needs. 

He doesn’t listen when he tries to tell himself there’s something he’s forgetting. He doesn’t listen to the half-memory of a little girl’s voice asking him if he’s really going to sell her grandpa’s house. He’s tired of not remembering things. He just wants to cling to what’s left of his life that he can still call his own.

It’s in Oklahoma where he meets Shel. She’s bright and cheerful, even if her fashion says otherwise, and she’s quick as a whip and twice as sharp. He’s not sure why, but he loves her. Her big brown eyes and easy smile fill a hole in his heart that he never realized was there before, and he’s glad to have her in his life, even if he’s not really sure why she’s there. She visits his little two-room house frequently, but never for long and she always seems like she’s waiting one something, so he doesn’t think she’s there for him, but he can’t imagine what else she’d be there for. Still, she’s always kind to him and he’s always happy to welcome her in and he’s sad to see her go. 

She’s there again one Saturday afternoon, teeth bared in a playful grin when he opens the door. “Hi, Mr. McLean.”

“Hi, Shel. Call me Tristan,” he reminds her, just like he always does. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

“Naw, I don’t plan on being here too long. Thanks, though!”

“Stay as long as you like,” he says. It’s a shame that she won’t be here long, but he’s glad to have her for as long as he can. “Have you been up to anything interesting?”

“I went hiking yesterday,” she said eagerly. “Do you wanna see some of the pictures I took?”

He says yes, of course, and they sit together on the old couch while Shel flips through the photo album on her phone. She’s a remarkably good photographer, and she has a knack for finding the most picturesque locations Tristan has ever seen when she goes on her hikes, so it’s always a pleasure to look through her albums. There’s one photo at the end that catches his attention, and he feels his heart freeze for some reason. “Wait, can– can you go back one? Please?”

Shel hesitates. She’d deliberately flipped past it as quickly as she could the first time, and she seems unwilling to go back to it, but eventually she pulls it up again. 

The photo is of a girl. At first glance, Tristan had thought it was Shel, but it was obviously someone different now that he was properly looking at her. She’s laughing in the picture, her head tipped back and her hand clutching at her chest as if to keep her heart in its cage. He doesn’t know her, but she’s familiar somehow, until he realizes that he’s seen some of her features in his own bathroom mirror. He feels sad, but he can’t remember why.

“Did you take someone hiking with you?” he asks, trying to keep his voice light and free of sorrow. “She seems nice.”

Shel squeezes her eyes shut and takes a deep breath before she smiles at him. “Yeah, that’s my girlfriend. I-I think you’d really like her.”

Tristan smiles at her. He remembers being young and in love. “You should bring her around sometime. What’s her name?”

Shel presses her lips tight together and she takes another deep breath and blinks hard a few times. “Piper. Her name’s Piper.”

Piper.

Piper.

Piper.

Tristan smiles at her. “A lovely name for a lovely girl.”

He feels sad, but he can’t remember why.

[snekwritesstuff]

Take A Break (pt. 2 of ?)

Part 1 Here! Pairing: Doomed Polycule? I think? Word Count: 948 Warnings: Bill is once again a little shit, don't assume this is healthy yet. Otherwise, none!

hi hello we're back with this again. i have some ideas for this still but im not sure how to implement them all. anywho...enjoy!

Fiddleford was ready to wake up. As he clung to the wall behind him, he swallowed thickly at the sight of Bill in the flesh. Or at least in the…whatever he was made of. The demon's eye pierced his own, sending a bolt of anxiety through the engineer.

“Specs! Good to finally meet you, eh?” Bill said, holding out his hand and closing his eye in a smile.

Fidds could only nod, sliding down the cabin wall. 

“I hear you wanna talk! Name's Bill, though you seem to already know that.” When Fidds didn't shake his hand, he brought it back with a shrug. “And you're Fiddlesticks! Gotta say, for a hick, you seem to have a pretty nice mindscape in here. But maybe that's because you've used the old memory gun a few too many times.”

“You know about the gun?” Fidds asked, voice cracking.

“Of course I know about the gun!” Bill laughed, suddenly approaching Fidds’ face. “And I know about your wife, and about your desperation for my Fordsy.”

“My–”

“Oh, don't play dumb with me, Specs, you gave him googly eyes before you left the basement. And it's almost like, and I'm spitballing here, I'm in your head.”

Fidds’ face flushed red as he turned away. “This isn’t fair, Bill. I’m tryin’ to have a civil conversation.”

Bill blinked, taken aback for a moment. “Civil? Where Fordsy is concerned? Never.”

“So you two are…Not important. Not…yeah.” Fidds sighed, bringing a hand to his face. “Look, you’re a little intimidatin’, but if you’re makin’ him happy, then I can’t complain. Just try to be mindful of ‘im. And, well, I think you and I should at least try to play nice since we both clearly care for ‘im.”

“Hm, asking something of me without giving me something in return…Not my style, Specs.” The demon tapped a finger to where his mouth would have been if he had one. Did…he have one? “Though, I do love a good deal. How ‘bout we make one?”

Fidds shook his head vigorously. “Mama raised a godly boy, and while that may be different now, I know better than to meddle in devilish voodoo.” He shuddered with a grimace. “This dream's plenty proof for me that you exist.”

Bill twirled his cane, a hand behind his head. “Fordsy likes you too, y'know.”

“Not my business. He's got his love life, I've got mine. No need to–What?” 

With a laugh the demon swam in front of the engineer, his chin resting on folded hands and legs kicking behind him. “I couldn't give less of a damn if you like him, Fiddlesticks. I care because he always gets so prickly when his little hillbilly's involved. You're a smart one, but nothing like my Sixer.” His large eye inched ever closer towards Fidds. “Which makes me curious. Why does the greatest mind across every dimension care about someone as mediocre as you, when he has a god that cares about him and can boost his potential?” 

“I couldn’t tell you.” The sting of those words hurt more than Fidds wanted to admit. “But I know a gamble when I see one, and I'm starin’ one head on. What is he gettin’ out of this?” 

“Power beyond any mortal mind's comprehension, an expanding kingdom to rule and study as he sees fit, a life with his Muse…” The demon tapped his fingers in a counting motion. “What else could my Fordsy want? Certainly nothing you could provide.”

“Ford's not interested in power,” Fidds spat. 

“Oh-ho, boy are you wrong!” Bill laughed. “All humans want power!”

“I don't–”

“Hold on, hold on, get your suspenders out of that knot! Power manifests in different ways, Fiddlesticks.” The demon jabbed a finger towards the man's glasses. “But we're getting off topic…Here's the deal. I can't physically enter your realm unless that portal's finished.”

“Good,” the engineer growled. “I don't want you anywhere near this place.”

“I mean no harm, of course, and even if I did, Ford's willing to help me. My offer to you is if you let me drive this bad boy around every once in a while, I can make sure we both get a piece of our favorite scientist.”

Fidds’ face twisted in disgust, shaking his head again. “Ford would never. And you’ve got another thing comin’ if you think I’d let you use me to keep twistin’ his brain every which way.”

Bill shrugged. “Your loss, Fiddlesticks, but the offer’s always on the table! Anywho, time for me to go! Nothing matters, buy gold, bye–”

“Now hold your horses!” At Bill’s slow blink, Fidds continued. “That’s all? You come into my head, ruin my night, and-and you’re just gonna leave? I haven’t gotten a single word in! What do you really want with Ford?”

“I just told you, Specs, keep up!”

Fidds finally stood, shoving a finger in the demon’s face. “I ain’t stupid, Billy, you know exactly what I’m askin’ you!”

“And I ain’t tellin’ you!” Bill’s accent was a mockery, fueling Fidds’ bubbling rage. 

“Fine then! But if you hurt him, there ain’t nothin’ in any dimension that can stop me from tearing those stupid little limbs off your stupid yellow body and feeding them to you one by one.”

“Oh, don’t threaten me with a good time, Fiddlesticks!” Bill patted Fidds’ head condescendingly. “You’re fun! I’ll be here more often, I think. Bye!”

As the demon disappeared, Fidds woke up with a start. He slammed a fist against his mattress and stood. Pacing the floor, he muttered to himself before sitting at his desk and drawing up blueprints for an inter-dimensional death ray that aimed only at yellow triangles.

[restinslices]

Hi I I aorry if this is a bad request but do you think you could write something with Annabeth where you're her Athena sister?

I wrote general headcanons since there wasn’t a specific prompt. If you want smth in particular or smth expounded on, feel free to ask!

I’m gonna mix in book lore and tv show lore

Remember I don’t have perfect memory though so be easy on me

Anywho-

Being Annabeth’s older and accomplished sister means she admires you but is also jealous 

I don’t think the jealousy leads to her trying to sabotage you or anything but I think it’s obvious to spot 

You have a special eye that she wishes she had 

Annabeth is great at architecture and noticing small details, but nothing slips past you 

If she notice small details, you notice micro details 

If she’s great at architecture, you’re perfect at it

If she’s a great captain, you’re a perfect captain 

You let her run the team to be nice. Apart of her hates it but the other is appreciative 

I think she’d appreciate it more if you gave suggestions and helped in places where she lacked 

I think that hubris thing would slip in and she wouldn’t wanna accept the help but then she’d realize you have points and she’d give in 

I think having Annabeth as a younger sister means watching how her and Percy’s relationship grow 

You’re the first to be like “so, Percy? When are you two getting together?”

She denies it, very loudly may I add 

“What?! Me and Seaweed Brain?! HA! US? TOGETHER? NEVER!” “…” “…” “Seaweed Brain and I. Guess you can’t think while you’re crushing”

It aggravates her that you seem to know everything before it happens 

You two have the most realistic sibling relationship in your cabin 

Sometimes other campers try to watch Annabeth’s temper 

Not you 

You two poke at each other, you stress each other out, you make each other laugh, you give her advice, you comfort each other, you challenge each other, you do it all

After Luke’s betrayal Annabeth is pretty sensitive so you try to be there for her and fill in the empty roll Luke left 

You’re working double time

Considering you’re her older sister, you also help when it comes to training 

I don’t mean in groups, I also mean one on one 

But naturally, that also means you’re very hard on her 

It’s for her benefit. She’ll understand that one day if she hasn’t already. It’s to make her the best warrior possible 

Being Annabeth’s sister means giving her womanly advice also 

Athena ain’t there and Chiron is not teaching any of that shit. Let’s be fr 

That’s what also adds to your bond 

It’s not like you’re only family when you’re at camp 

You’re family and still help each other even when you’re out of camp

And you don’t just talk about camp and monsters 

You talk about other shit in the world 

Yeah, don’t die by monsters but you know what else will fuck you over? Not doing your taxes.

I feel like I also have to address when Annabeth was taken 

You obviously wanna be apart of the team that goes to get her, and tbh if Percy wasn’t the main character and had to be the 5th person, you’d go 

Whenever she returns, you’d check in to make sure she’s alright and try to keep her spirits high after seeing Luke

Off topic but dare I say y’all build Lego shit together?

I just feel like if you can’t build actual buildings, use Legos

Since the two of you train a lot, especially one on one, y’all balance each other really well 

Take the two major battles for example. The one at camp in BOTL and the final showdown with Kronos in TLO

Anyone going against the both of you would get hit repeatedly 

And I don’t mean only one of y’all are swinging, I mean both of you are playing off of each other 

The modern youth would call this “jumping”-

That doesn’t sound as beautiful though 

If she’s throwing a left, you’re on the right 

If she jumps to hit the enemy high, you’re sliding to hit the enemy low

If she’s grabbing someone, you’re delivering the final blow via stabbing 

You spend so much time together, your minds are practically linked  

When one of you is injured in battle, the other will make sure to aid them, even if neither of you are nurses 

After TLO, Annabeth is told she can rebuild Olympus in her image 

Guess who she’s asking for help?

You of course 

When you eventually leave camp to do your own thing as an adult, it’s very bittersweet

Bitter because you’ll miss each other and won’t be able to talk to each other late at night 

Sweet because you’re both in good standing with each other, Iris messages, and you both know you’ll do great things on your own journey 

When she needs help though, she’ll call you

And you’ll always answer 

Because you’ll always be family 

You promised 

That ending was corny asf. I’m sorry.

I’ve only read the PJO series so far. I’ve been procrastinating on the others, so I only mentioned those books. And if her personality ain’t 100% accurate, my bad.

[an-unfinished-symphony]

• o7 •

Hello! The name's Wilbur. I'm a c!Wilbur fictionkin, straight from the Dream SMP. Sooo, I've gotten plenty of time to think about this, and today I've elected to finally make a profile for it.

Call me Wilbur! I go by He/They.

Anyhow, I'm going to set down a few rules, guidelines, and notes;

☆ Please remember I'm really a c!Wilbur fictionkin, and this isn't roleplay. You may ask questions regarding my Canon, although it may not be entirely compliant to the canon you know. I'm probably most like Canon when I'm in kinshift. 👍🏽

☆ You may message me as you wish! I prefer asks or replies before dms, though. I'd rather not get too up close to start with. It's strange, I know, though it's a preference of mine.

☆ Please do not associate me with cc/irl content creator William Gold. I am not him nor will I ever will be. I do not condone his actions and he's really repulsive. Similarly, I don't condone the actions of any other "problematic" content creators associated with the Dream SMP.

☆ Feel free to ask me questions regarding my canon! I adore talking about my memories, especially with other Dream SMP kins and fictives alike. Interact! Be merry! Cmon, I want to hear from other Dream SMP kins!!!

Anywho, now let's dive back into the deeper parts of the introduction.

Who are you?

I'm c!Wilbur! I recall most everything from the Dream SMP and then some, even though my blog is mainly Revivebur themed.

I go by He/They. I love writing, sketching, music, plays, geography, and folklore/mythology, among other things. I was still an English Major in my canon and hope to someday be the same in real life.

To be clear, I'm a minor, so keep that in mind!

Why did you make this blog?

To interact with other Dream SMP kins, of course. This goes for everyone; fictionkins, fictionhearted folk, soulbonds, copinglinks, IRLS fictives, whatever. If you're a Dream SMP character, hit me up, baby!

Anyone in particular you're looking for/you want to stay away from you?

I'm looking for anyone who might've knew me, of course, although I'm mainly looking for those I held dear to me. This includes my beloathed c!Quackity, the lovely c!Niki, my little brother c!Tommy, my dad c!Philza, and the awesome c!Technoblade. And, of course, my wife Sally and my son c!Fundy, if you're out there.

Doubles are just fine, I love comparing canons. It's interesting to me! As for Ghostbur, I don't remember being Ghostbur, but I do remember being in limbo. I'm led to believe he was a seperate entity from me. Ghostbur, feel free to interact as you wish! I want to see the other me from when I was cooped up in limbo...

Those who support cc!Wilbur can leave. Sorry, not sorry.

Tags?

So far, there's only one-- #WilbursWords🖋

- wherein I speak! I'll make more later, likely for all the memories and such. :]

Farewell!

Anywho, that'll be it for now! Have splendid days.

Sincerely,

Wilbur Soot

[rubydubydoo122]

What's a song that reminds you of Jason, Bruce, Dick and Damian?

For Damian, definitely "Love Like You" From Steven Universe, especially the line "I always thought I might be bad now I'm sure that it's true, cus, I think you're so good, and I'm nothing like you"

for Dick, I would say "Look After You" By the Fray, specifically to his siblings and specifically the line "What's mine is yours to leave or take, what's mine is yours to make your own" also, "Seven" by Taylor Swift, Idk, I just feel like that song would remind him of his time in the circus.

For Bruce "Fine Line" by Harry Styles. I have a whole Band AU planned out Just so that for the final song, Bruce sings this to all the kids.

and for Jason.... Wooo doggie, I hAve A LOt. I'll just give you the main ones

"Would've Could've Should've" by Taylor Swift. I could copy paste the entire song in here and It would be like pulling a page out of Jason's Diary. Same with "Right Where You Left Me" "My Tear Ricochet" "THE GREAT WAR" and I could go on and on and on "Haunted" "Back to December" "Nothing New" "Mr. Perfectly Fine" Is Taylor Swift Jason Todd?

Then there's "The Grudge" by Olivia Rodrigo "I have nightmares each week about that friday in may" "Trust that you betrayed confusion that still lingers, took everything I loved and crushed it in betweeen your fingers" and "and I know in my heart, hurt people, hurt people, and We both drew blood but man those cuts were never equal"

SO MANY CONAN GRAY SONGS. "Winner" ("my heart that once was beating, bleeding the palm of your hand. yet you have the nerve to miss me how do I somehow feel guilty, WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LET IT GET THIS BAD; you don't really wanna hear the truth, do you? it's obvious to anyone who ever knew you. That all you ever wanted was to fight. I was only trying to survive your chaos") "Astronomy" "FAMILY LINE" "Memories" "jigsaw" "THE EXIT" ("Feels like, we had matching wounds but mine's still black and bruised and yours is perfectly fine. Feel like WE BURRIED ALIVE something that NEVER DIED so god it HURT when I FOUND OUT. You love her, it's over, do you even doubt it on your lips. You love her. It's over. You already found someone to miss while I'm still standing at the exit." Maturing is realizing it's the second half of the chorus that's more important to Jason Todd's character than the first)

Afraid by the Neighborhood, but this could really go for any of the Batboys

I KNOW THE END by Phoebe Bridgers. I just feel like if there was ever a show depicting Jason's run as Robin, and that song played as he was getting beat up by the joker and the Bridge hit as the timer was counting down, I would ABSOLUTELY LOSE IT. IF THAT HAPPENS I WOULD HAVE TO BE SENT TO ARKHAM HOLY SHIT EVERY TIME I HEAR THAT SONG I THINK OF JASON"S DEATH

anywho, thanks for coming to my ted talk

[codthefishgod]

Haven't thrown an essay to the other Faroff fanatics recently and the new episode had a LOT of writing material SO I'M BACK TO BE THE FANDOM RANTER ✊

I apologise for my recent absence, I'll try to get back to doing my long ass Faroff posts more frequently again LMAO

(Split below for spoilers on episode 75 of Faroff)

I see you have opted in.

AHEM.

First off, MORE SONAN GOVERNMENT LORE!? Apparently things haven't always been this way... I sort of got that implication already from how Tobias talked about the Supreme Lord, particularly the way he said that he'd been making stupid rules "since he got chosen", but this confirms that the same thing applies to Sona as well. It was recent enough that Oskar remembers it, but still long enough ago that Fenn doesn't... Which is especially not good considering that many of the soldiers are likely around Fenn's age, so most of them also probably grew up in this time of being brainwashed to the absolute max, not knowing there was any other option. Awfully convenient for the king to have all those brainwashed soldiers though-

The fact that there used to be better, more just leaders on both sides also leads me to believe that maybe this war started after the current Sonan king and current Supreme Lord took power. They're both pieces of shit, must be made for each other, yes?

Anywho, touching on another detail during this flashback... THE PASSPORTS. THE MILLIONS OF PASSPORTS BEHIND OSKAR... I believe I smell rebel action, don't you? Not that surprising for Oskar, honestly. My friend ( @sunlikesdrawing ) suggested to me this theory, and I back it up in its entirety: Oskar may be using those passports to help people escape from Sona. Frankly, if I lived in Sona, I'd want the hell out of there too.

But this leads into another theory (again, credits to @sunlikesdrawing , I would not of thought of this on my own-), what if this is somehow connected to Fenn's eventual falling out with Oskar? What if, maybe, Oskar got caught? What if he's in prison right now? Of course Fenn would think him a traitor for defying the king...I also wonder if this happening made him even more extreme in his beliefs than he was. Time will tell, I suppose.

Alright, I believe that is all I have to point out about the flashback! Moving on to the rest of the episode.

There is one thing in particular that stood out to me. If you've been following my blog awhile and possess a strong memory, you might remember that I've done the math with all the dates + visual clues we've been provided thus far and came to the conclusion that it must be currently March of 1914. However, when the song ends, the radio states, "...their music first rising to fame after performing at a ball hosted by the Olvindar pillar family in 1914." Typically, when saying something like this, if it was still the same year, you'd say "earlier this year" or something else to that effect. Saying it happened "in 1914" implies that the year 1914 has already passed. Perhaps I need to recheck my math.

Alright, done with the serious stuff now. I love that Oskar is a constant reminder to Fenn that what he's doing with/for Tobias IS the right thing to do, no matter what the king says. It's very lovely. And the fact that Fenn remembered him saying "sometimes you need to do things that are good for your happiness" and immediately thought of Tobias... I wonder if this sentiment will at all help sway Fenn in pursuing Tobias in.... Forbidden relationships... He is good for Fenn's happiness, after all. We'll see. 👀

P.S. Fenn has the most appalling dance moves, I had to turn my phone off for a moment to process my second hand embarrassment when he started trying to dance- Tobias being super hyped to keep dancing with Fenn was ADORABLE, these fuckers are literally holding hands and dancing and it's WONDERFUL- also the sneak peeks for the next episodes!?!? I'M SO EXCITED FOR NEXT FAROFF MONDAY HOLY SHIT

[wrotelovelytears]

WE OUTSSIIDDDEE

*in my joker voice* we live in a society..

🌹I strongly believe the 12th house is linked to older age. Like I've seen so many older adults act like their 12th house sign (and/or Planets) by the time they hit 60. It's like they become more "religious AND spiritual", suffer from more memory based problems while being able to easily recall experiences had when younger, talk more about ancestry and life after, some even show some cognitive decline or increase.

🥴I'm surrounded by older adults and yeah, it's a pattern for sure and their twelfth house sign really starts showing.

🌹I'm pretty sure you live out most of your life in the 8th house regardless if it holds anything or not. Those themes never go away and after puberty starts you kinda live in it until your 60s. You see a lot of rapid changes just in teenhood and it doesn't really stop until you've reached an older age (aka just stop caring).

🌹Yes that means I believe you live in your fourth house until puberty. I know it's traditionally seen as a before birth/death house but listen, children most definitely do what makes them feel comfortable, express themselves more than adults and cling to caregivers like they are life itself. The sign (and planets) are at the forefront until.. well society happens

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

🫧Before the other signs start screaming at me bout the house that traditionally rule them let me keep going..

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

🌹The third house is related to how you communicate up until puberty (or until you pas that 4th house stage) of your life. You'll find yourself using the methods of the sign (and planets) that hold that house during that time. Generally puberty starts (for all sexes) around 10-14. That's why you will see 13 year olds stick more to the habits they've had until one day their seventh house comes in to play and you'll see a change.

🌹The seventh house communication skills are linked to that eighth house stage of life. You become more social/ aligned with societal socializing during puberty and see it continue up until the 60s. There's an increase need to connect with others and find those like you. We see more people working, marrying, dating then.

🌹Lastly the 11th is linked to the 12th house stage of life. The sign (and planets) that is in your 11th can become the way you communicate with the world. You move on from just close connections to more general ones. You'll have friends but you may not be as close anymore due to life. You'll see many changes that were once dreams of your occur in real time and not know how to verbalize how it makes you feel. There could be a haziness around your overall existence by this point, you'll be here but also super aware of everything making it hard for the present to make sense.

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

🫧For the fire houses that's obviously how you act out during the stages.

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

🌹The First house is linked to the thirds communication and fourths being. That's why I think it's easier to guess a young childs rising because whatever is in their first is how they'll generally act. Until society pressures them enough to be more "socially conscious" and that's when the fifth house hits.

🌹The fifth house is connected to the sevenths communication and eighths being. You start to be really aware of how your actions and behaviors look to others. Whatever sign is in your fifth is what determines how you go about trying to portray yourself. Are you the homebody who while loving relationships hates how they always end. Or are you the angsty teen who never really grew up but changed just enough that people can't guess it at first.

🌹The ninth house... Yeah...do I have to repeat it? Anywho it's no wonder many older adults start to broaden their lives out, I mean travelling and going with the flow is the whole motto of making it past your younger days. This is the time when you become aware of limitations, and I don't mean just actions I mean life itself. You've done so much and now it's time to make sure what you've done isn't in vain.

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

🫧The Earth house are not what you do now, but what you end up leaving behind after each stage. It's what others will most likely remember that era of your life as.

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

🌹The second house is the child you trying to just vibe. You could have memories of this stage but they are most likely linked to connections made to things in it/sign. The sign itself represents that new human learning to properly human while continuously having to push against placed norms. Caregivers will remember this stage the most while the individual will treat it as the past.

🌹The sixth house is highly related to most of your life. In fact it's more likely that friends and family (even long term co-workers) will remember you by your sixth house (and planets). That's because you spend more time here than anything and when you leave this stage it's due to wanting to broaden your life out of your known self.

🌹The tenth house is of course the legacy left by you. It's what people remember after death, yes we all know that but why it's after and not during life isn't expanded on. You became more connected to the collective because you've lived through so much. Yes your communication comes off more distant and it's because you've realized time is linear, and the things you do matter to more than just you. At the 12th house stage you've realized your words matter, your thoughts matter, and that essentially the world is much bigger than you and those you know. Loose connections, acquaintances and society will remember you by this sign (planets).

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Any who that's just been me blabbering.

(If you learned something new or would just like to support me you can leave a wittle tip via the tip button or one of the links in my masterlist. Kofi: nymphdreams🧸)

[starryredpandawrites]

Idk if it ever will be relevant or not, well technically we’ve been over this in the fic if I remember right already (it’s been a while since I reread it rip and it’s to hot rn for me to double check) bur like… there WERE other “Audrey’s” before Audrey. “Little miss perfect” was just the lucky survivor

I don’t remember if I was ever confirmed in the books or games if Joey ever directly killed someone before dark revival, but that game sure clarifies that.

Being disabled or not did not stop Joey from being cannonicly and explicitly a child murderer :)

Joey hates not having his impossible standards met and we never met them in the cycle. He was alone while he made her then he had the ink machine in his apartment all by himself and no one to keep him in check. Memory Joey not specifying what happened to them REALLY dose not help that notion

Cus we see non of them in the cycle, and its pretty much confirmed that Audrey’s “other siblings” isn’t Hidie she’s just a deeply traumatized woman in the archives- belive the same happens to Porter to. They may transfer powers to one another, don’t mean they are related besides all being victims of the ink machine

I was originally gonna ask something but I forgot what to ask while writing I may be a moron

- little demon spawn

Hellooo frie-HEY, HEY do NOT even THINK of calling yourself a moron, we foster positivity, self-confidence, and self-love on this blog ❤️❤️❤️

Anywho, I haven't decided if I'm going to go any further with Audrey's predecessors or not, I'll leave that up to future me.

Personally, I tend to believe the worst in Joey so I think he did murder a bunch of little ink girls on his path to making Audrey, I just don't know if I want to deal with all that angst in my fic. I probably won't unless I get a really cool idea that would somehow incorporate all that, and by that I mean a really cool scene, like idk all of Audrey's "sisters" coming out of the woodworks to haunt and/or possibly help her.

I did briefly consider implying all the feminine lost ones were Joey's previous attempts at making her (since there weren't any in the first game) but there's no evidence of that in the game and Heidi disproves that anyway.

Side note, I headcannon that Heidi is the secretary in Big Steve's note but that's just a personal theory

I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING

I'll see if I still have that draft somewhere but in Audrey's "firefider" flashback I was going to have Joey pick up a knife like he was considering using it on Audrey because she dared suggest she pursue another career other than animation. I ended up cutting it because I thought it was too edgy and wanted to leave his relationship with her more ambiguous.

If you ever remember what you wanted to ask, I'll be here. It might take me a while but I promise I'll get to it eventually 😘

[peachtalia]

I wrote a whole infodump on Herakles headcanons on a priv acc (yk for human version since I prefer to view the guys that way) so I’ll paste it all here cuz fun. It’s gonna be super disorganized and may not carry All of my ideas cuz it’s just me writing whatever came to mind in the moment but I’ll try to organize it the best I can from what I wrote. Also plz take into consideration that I’m not entirely following canon here and a load of it is headcanons with some of canon sprinkled in. Also this is a wip ig

I doubt anybody would read my word vomit cuz I didn’t bother to clean any of this up and my sentence structure is def abysmal as fuck but ig u could say I’m putting this here for my own sake but anyone else is free to read if u would like!!

cw talk of parental loss tho

Okay so I’m gonna ramble about names here cuz it interests me a lot. Obv I’m not Greek or in Greece I just have a deep interest in other cultures and like to research a lot and stalk forums and videos on experiences etc. My ideas may change over time as I learn more about the culture. He feels a bit more old-fashioned to me but anyways yeah nah if I happen to say anything innacurate plz lmk @ anyone who actually reads my word vomit haha

So anyways I def don’t see it as my place to bash on him being given the name "Herakles" cuz I Do know that in Greece they would seem to occasionally give Greek mythological names to ppl (ex: singer who's birth name is Artemios); but I noticed they most often use Christian names tho (also fun fact my irl name is the fem version of an old Greek saint and seems common there along with Hispanic countries that would often do the same lololol)

But at the same time I’d wanna assume that being named Herakles would kinda fuck u over since it would be a huge name to live up to. But that’s just me. Plus to me that adds to his overall life theme

Also I’ve mentioned this before but ppl for years would dunk on his surname claiming that it's "not a real Greek surname" when ... it actually IS, it's just super rare based on what I’ve collected. Admittedly ngly I’ve even been a part of this when I was a kid smh (See: Greek actress with the birth name Evgenia Karpouzi, the fandom would always use the spelling "Karpusi" but that's not language accurate to the more commonly taught Greek language romanization based on what I’ve learned.....

Anywho now onto headcanons and stories I like to apply to him lol

He seems the type whose mom is very huge in the historical arts and preservation field and might've been a Greek history professor and took a huge role in curating and preserving Ancient Greek ruins and artifacts...arranged heritage festivals and exhibitions etc.. Taught culture... Maybe pushed him to be very talented and knowledgeable as a kid and would actively pass down her own knowledge onto him and set pretty high standards for him while also spoiling tf out of him and also being caring yet not as present as a mother due to her career. He grew up very involved in the arts both creative-based and performance-wise but probably mostly the latter. He seems like the type who would be quiet and a bit of a loner at times but was also a lot more enthusiastic and expressive at times.

So anyways yeah not only does he suffer under the curse of living in the shadow of his mothers legacy and not meeting the public expectations in following in her footsteps but a lot of his life is basically formed around her and he wasn’t left with much room to actually form his own personal style due to how heavily influenced he was by her own interest and life path and her passing when he was idk 14 made it even harder for him to even try to let go of any of this cuz besides all of her leftover belongings and the collective community memory of her, it was all he had left of her from within himself so letting go of any of it to make more room for developing his own personal sense of style outside of her existence felt like betraying her or going against her wishes.

He feels deeply guilty for not taking on her legacy after her passing and following in her footsteps but he still does what he can to contribute here and there and still holds a load of pride in what he learns from her + what comes from his roots and besides hanging out with and feeding street cats he still has a lingering fascination and interest in philosophy and observing and maintaining historical sites not only cuz it’s great but also cuz it reminds him of her. It Would also make sense given how canonically he’s portrayed having a home that’s cluttered with his mom’s old things and artifacts that he never wants to get rid of since she passed while he was young.

As for his beef with Sadiq I see it as a ‘obnoxious goofy uncle and petty nephew’ sort of conflict lol. But I like to see it as like. Sadiq was a younger college student of his mom’s who would also do volunteer assistant work for her, so naturally he’d meet Herakles thru that. And with him being that type of guy would screw around with Herakles and poke fun at him yk like how those older guys would treat young kids sometimes and purposely provoke them in a joking yet annoying manner (I have lots of experience of this) and Sadiq himself never saw it as a big deal but yk Herakles Hated that shit and he’s the type to take that kind of stuff to heart. Also Herakles would envy the time he spends with his mom cuz here he is able to get involved with her work life and meanwhile Hera is being some kid at home who sometimes gets to go to his moms work sometimes.

And ooomfg when his mom passes u know damn well that envy turned into pure vitriol cuz Sadiq was able to spend more time around his mom before her sudden death. But Sadiq (still unaware of how deep this shit goes for Herakles) takes Herakles under his wing cuz he feels super bad to say the least.

Now Herakles has one of those large Greek families but he’s autistic* as shit so while he can be loud with them he’s also quiet and a bit of a loner at times so he’d be super reliant on his mother for initiating his interactions with others and she’d take a big part in involving him in family gatherings so u know damn well the second she was gone he didn’t know wtf to do anymore or how to connect with others on his own without her being an extra support lol yk like that one social person that helps interactions go smoother.

* yes I am aware that autism may present differently depending on culture but I’m autistic myself and am basing this on observations I’ve made thru autistic ppl I’ve known in different countries and who also have a similar familial dynamic culturally. Even tho I’m in the US I also have this experience myself with my Viet family members. No duh it’s not ‘just an autism thing’ but yk headcanons

Not to mention him being depressed as fuck over her passing and beginning to self isolate. And being so pitied by family members 24/7 SUCKED Ass so idk ig eventually (after many years and moments of Herakles mostly blowing people off) ppl began to avoid him and stopped inviting him to things like yk that sad thing that often happens whenever someone’s going thru a loss and ppl don’t know what to do about it. He’d ignore their invitations often for years. Of course they’d still try to call or send something or visit every now and then but only very occasionally. It’s like an ‘idk what to do’ sort of thing.

So yeah he’s an only child and was raised by a single mother with a busy and active life where he was always expected to become her shadow whether intended or not. Wow. But despite his family inching away from him, bro still has that younger Cypriot cousin who vibes with him and relates with his quietness and occasional loner behavior so he’d often hang around him cuz the rest of the family would overwhelm him sometimes, therefore even during this time he was the last to stick around for the most part and they’d often hang out in silence. He is a bit more chatty than Herakles tho at times. Idk his name yet. That one Cypriot cousin has a younger brother I think, who’d hang around Sadiq but Herakles’s a #hater and doesn’t really like him for that. He’s the type to threaten to cut ppl off from association and he gets petty and stubborn as hell and holds grudges like u cannot believe. Obviously despite his spite he does still care for Sadiq deep down. He says what he wants but he doesn’t actually wish the guy any real harm and would get super bothered and upset if anybody were to attempt to do so.

Oh yeah and I also mentioned before that I see him being narcoleptic lol *maybe* he occasionally dealt with cataplectic symptoms and it would make sense given how rarely he seems to express strong emotions but I still don’t know. I’m not as knowledgeable in cataplexy I admit. But he’s def on the narcolepsy spectrum and lacks a load of motivation and drive in his life overall. Some of it comes from his mildly nihilistic view on life and some of it is depressiveness and the inability to help himself more on his own accord. It probably took a lot for him to get on a stricter medication routine for it. He tries to take care of himself at the bare minimum but he still doesn’t quite cultivate the best or healthiest of habits. He’s often got others around him trying to help him out and check up on him. Think also of the comic strips of Ludwig trying to help him organize and clean his house and get his finances into check.

Idk how his mom died. Maybe it’s one of those things never spoken about but it was sudden and he was at home when it happened and just remembers it getting super late and dark and him wondering where tf she is each time he’d wake up and him attempting to call her work and go to voicemail each time.

Also back on the topic of his tendencies but Herakles can for sure be the sore loser and jealous type but only depending on whether or not the matter involves Sadiq. Otherwise he’s like eh whatever it’s fine I’ll get it next time) and as I said above he’s also got a somewhat nihilist mindset and wishes to just spend his time doing as he pleases lolll his philosophical info dumps would get mind breaking at times and he just drones onnnn and onnnn and on about it it’s like the kind of stuff that’d make u lie on ur back with ur hands behind ur head staring up at the sky like “yeah……..wow…😕” and would prob put u to sleep cuz he speaks in a slower and softer tone. And you’d prob experience a strange yet vivid dream in the moment. He’s got an ambient and nostalgic feel to his presence that’s hard to explain and melancholy yet oddly calming.

Oh also he still practices Orthodox Christianity besides being an atheist on the most part and not even following any religion or religious rules or moral code bc it’s what he was raised doing with his mom and he feels like it’s what she would’ve wanted lmfaooo I guess it’s for nostalgia’s sake and paying respects to her. Maybe he’s an atheist. Idk. Perhaps his philosophical ideals and stuff he’s learned influences his view on general spirituality and religion so in a way he feels like in the end all gods are all to reach a similar point and intention and are an outer extension/projection of our own subconscious beings and are vessels of hope and focal points for moral code and explanations for the world around us. Or maybe he just views them as beings created to give people’s lives purpose. Or he believes all things at once. Who knows what goes on in his mind.

As for his narcolepsy, his mom may have assumed at first that he was the type of child to nap a lot or that he was lazy, but over time she’d realize something is probably up and would recognize that he wouldn’t be able to help it most of the time and that he actually isn’t the lazy type and works hard when he can. She’d get called by teachers often yelling about his tendency of zoning out and sleeping in class and she’d just respond with “Oh yeah? Well maybe your class isn’t interesting enough if he’s always falling asleep in it!”

So yeah. A load of his life was built around her from the start, and he relied on her for a lot, I mean she’s his mom and all too and the only closer(?) family member in his life given that he’s an only child and has no father. The sudden change of her leaving completely threw his life off course so for years he’s been in some sort of endless state of limbo where he’s both apathetic both saddened yet he might not make it so obvious when around others. He just appears quiet, apathetic and carefree for the most part.

[respectthepetty]

chen yi/ai di scenes aside, i am struggling to keep moving through Kiseki DTM. i’m about 11 mins in to episode 8. can you spoil if it’s worth powering through? i know there is a memory loss plot ahead but also that it may be fake? i know you can’t really decide if continuing is worth it for me or not, but a “what lies ahead” / spoilers will do that for me lol

Anon, I'm a teeny tiny bit salty that you asked me this ONLY because if you had watched it live, Viki messed up and released episode 7 and 8 on the same day, so we had to wait TWO WEEKS to see what happened after THIS!

But I get it. You need a push. However, know that watching it live was an *experience* that your ask made me emotional about all over again.

But, anywho . . .

You wanna know what lies ahead, huh?

We get more cameos!

We get some backstory if you watch the special episode on YouTube before you watch episode 9.

And we get happiness.

So there is a lot to look forward to even with Chen Yi/Ai Di scenes asid-

Wait, what was the question?

[phlurrii]

in asking of more.. lore. may i offer my dog, Peppermint as an offering for knowledge?

this is peppermint, shes a 8yr old Maltese and King cavalier spaniel mix, and shes got shrimp for brains. now, feel free to ramble away. i can read a full essay of lore if youd like >:D

Been saving this absolute goober of a puppy till I had a thought to ramble about that wasn’t pure and utter spoiler territory X3

Anywho shout out to the 10 people who will read this ;D

Oki so, I’ve had this thonk in my head for a while about memory capacity and erosion. Given how bloody old Meau is and how much life she gets to experience living amongst other creatures unlike her brothers? I somehow doubt, even something like her, could possibly store THAT much. Even as humans our super computer brains forget stuff, so for Meau? It’s no different!

The gist is because she’s been alive for 4.5 billion years, she only had the capability to remember a couple hundred million years worth of memories, which- is still a lot- I know- but Arcues and her Brothers can remember basically all of it via having very little stimulation. So for Meau who has A LOT of stimulation, her capacity has shrank, but her value of memories is far greater!

It also doesn’t work in the sense of she can only remember the past few hundred million years, it’s in bits and pieces over her entire life span. Remembering the overall bulk of it the closer it is to her in present times. So she can remmeber things like her first time being released into the universe to make life, her first adopted children, meeting Missingno., creating legendaries, encounters and shenanigans over the course of time! But only the most important ones or ones that stuck with her.

Over time, all the mundane or less important things fade or erode form her memory. This includes friends she’s had that inevitably died, pokemon she adopted that she subsequently out lived, and even lessons/personal growth she’s… unable to recall. Likely relearning the same lesson/character growth again and again down the line as she ends up forgetting key pieces of herself and her behavior due to the growing lack of connections, companions, and relationships.

As everyone she befriends or loves dies before her, or if they match her immortality… she likely created them and there’s immediate that awkward power imbalance. Further, she can’t just make a herself a friend that’s “perfect” because then the connection isn’t genuine… it’s artificially crafted for her and her needs. Which ruins the point. So by proxy, she pulls away from making these connections and descends further and further into a spiraling pit of madness and loneliness.

Her memories continuously eroding as she forgets names, faces, voices, and silhouettes. Left with haunting shadows of no discernible shape, acting out memories that actively decay in front of her. Which bring us to modern day when she has a companion, where’s she a bit more stable and overall happier than she was at those dark moments… but the shadows still haunt her, the reality of forgetting still resides in her. At least having Noe besides her helps balance out end reminds her of things she used to be fully reliant on herself for ;3

[queenjunothegreat]

*(rings cowbell)* WHO WANTS SOME PIPEYENA TONIGHT?? I stayed up WAY later than I'm supposed to on work nights but I got it done!! Worth it. I'm pretty pleased with what I managed to produce, at least. Also, in case you don't read the Ao3 A/N I need you all to know that this fic document is titled "Gal Pals Being Zoo Pals." Anywho, moving on!

Without delay, here is day seven: Marvels in Mundanity

Piper’s head whipped up, hand at her waist in search of her knife and scanning the surrounding area for whatever monster had dared interrupt her quasi-date. When she saw nothing, her brow furrowed. “Reyna? What–” “Look,” Reyna said, pointing at something behind Piper with something like awe on her face. Piper looked behind her, eyes narrowed until they found a little furry masked face. She turned back to Reyna, eyes sparkling with amusement and biting back a smile. “Are you talking about the raccoon?” Reyna ducked her head almost sheepishly. “I’ve… never actually seen one in person. It’s… cute.” If Piper were braver (or just stupid like Leo) she would have said something cheesy like Not half as cute as you but she wasn’t brave or Leo, so she did something possibly even dumber. She tore off a piece of her bread bowl and crouched down, holding it out for the raccoon. “Hey, little guy. You hungry?” *** Piper and Reyna go on a not-date to the zoo, meet a new friend, and come to some realizations together. Ao3 Anniversary Collection Day Seven: Realizing They're In Love

Piper wasn’t exactly sure what to expect when Reyna had off-handedly mentioned that she’d never been to a zoo before. It was just said on a random Tuesday when they were having coffee together after classand Piper had told a funny story about when she’d deliberately gotten herself separated from her second grade class and fully integrated herself into the flock of swans at her local zoo. Reyna gave her one of those quiet, stately laughs she was so good at and commented that Piper had likely fit right in with the birds, and Piper asked if she had any fun childhood zoo stories to offer up. Then the truth had come out and Piper was left gobsmacked.

“Wait, really?” she asked. “You’ve never been to the zoo?”

Reyna arched an eyebrow at her. “My father didn’t really think it necessary to take me, and Circe didn’t exactly have room for one, either.”

Piper considered that for a moment, then spoke before her brain could catch up with her mouth. “We should go to the zoo.”

Reyna paused and put her drink down. “You want to go to the zoo?”

“Uh, yeah,” Piper said, feeling her cheeks flush. “You and me. This weekend. San Francisco has a pretty amazing zoo, from what I remember.” Reyna stayed silent, so Piper started backtracking. “If you want to, that is. We definitely don’t have to. I mean, if you’d rather–”

Reyna held up her hand to cut Piper off, and she shut her mouth with a click of her teeth. Reyna smiled at her. “I can think of nothing I’d like to do more.”

Piper was pretty sure her face was nearly maroon, and she was probably grinning like a loser, but she didn’t really care all that much. “Cool.”

Fortunately, the weather was perfect. It was a bright, warm May day, the sky was crystal clear with picturesque puffs of white clouds rolling across their field of blue, and even the humidity had decided to be a team player for once in Piper’s memory. She and Reyna had wandered the park all morning going from exhibit to exhibit, and Reyna had read all the little placards to Piper so she didn’t have to fist fight her dyslexia to learn about the red-rumped agouti. Plus, Piper had gotten to hold Reyna’s hand three times already, and she was already plotting to feign terror when they visited the reptile house later to maybe squeeze in a fourth. She doubted Reyna would believe her, but she’d been coaxed into feeding a giraffe from her bare hand with the power of Piper’s puppy dog eyes, so maybe she’d play along.

They had stopped for lunch at the little soup and sandwich bistro, and Piper was getting ready to ask Reyna if she’d be down for a ride on the carousel or a stroll through the nature walk when Reyna let out a sharp gasp. 

Immediately, Piper’s head whipped up, hand at her waist in search of her knife and scanning the surrounding area for whatever monster had dared interrupt her quasi-date. When she saw nothing, her brow furrowed. “Reyna? What–”

“Look,” Reyna said, pointing at something behind Piper with something like awe on her face. 

Piper looked behind her, eyes narrowed until they found a little furry masked face. She turned back to Reyna, eyes sparkling with amusement and biting back a smile. “Are you talking about the raccoon?”

Reyna ducked her head almost sheepishly. “I’ve… never actually seen one in person. It’s… cute.”

If Piper were braver (or just stupid like Leo) she would have said something cheesy like Not half as cute as you but she wasn’t brave or Leo, so she did something possibly even dumber. She tore off a piece of her bread bowl and crouched down, holding it out for the raccoon. “Hey, little guy. You hungry?”

“I don’t think the people who work here are going to be very happy about you doing that,” Reyna warned, but Piper noticed she made absolutely no effort to stop her.

Bold as only a raccoon in San Francisco could be, the raccoon scurried forward and took the bread straight out of Piper’s hand and started chowing down right there. Piper stood to give it some space to eat. She was dumb enough to feed the wild animals, but she wasn’t dumb enough to risk rabies. 

Reyna watched the display with an absolutely gleeful smile spread across her cheeks. “Look at his little hands,” she cooed. “He’s so– so charming.”

Piper watched her watching the raccoon, and she didn’t even try to help the besotted smile on her face. Reyna had been all smiles all morning long, experiencing everything the zoo had to offer with an almost childlike wonder, but nothing had enchanted her quite like this one dumb little raccoon had. All the wonders of the natural world were laid out for her, and she’d chosen the little trash panda, and looked at it like it was the most wonderful creature to ever draw breath.

Suddenly, a thought struck Piper, and she felt a bit like she’d been hit with an invisible truck. In that exact moment, she realized that she wanted to do exactly this for the rest of her life. She wanted to be there for each and every moment of joy in Reyna’s life. She wanted to watch her experience the wonder of the mundane and find her own wonder in it as well. She wanted to hold Reyna’s hand and lie in bed with her and burn pancakes with her in their shared kitchen. She wanted to buy cheesy little raccoon themed gifts for her years down the line just so they could laugh together and remember this one perfect moment they’d shared and look forward to all the perfect moments to come. She’d had crushes before, felt all those grand, overwhelming feelings, but nothing could have prepared her for the way the words burst forward from her mouth as Reyna leaned over to give a raccoon part of her sandwich. 

“I’m in love with you.”

Reyna went completely still, even as the raccoon took her offering. She blinked at Piper. “Oh.”

Piper just smiled giddily at her, drunk on her own love, until the world came to a screeching stop. Her eyes widened and her face paled. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

Reyna looked even more baffled. “Why on Earth would you be sorry?”

“I can’t believe I did that,” Piper whined, burying her face in her hands. “I just– I didn’t mean for it to go like that! I meant to eventually ask you on a date or something first, at least! And I mean a real proper date, where we both know for sure that what we’re doing is a date, not just a friend outing or whatever. I didn’t mean to just dump all my feelings on you out of nowhere.”

“Do you… think your feelings are unwelcome?” Reyna asked, and Piper could just hear the cute little brow furrow in her voice.

“Um… yes?”

“Why?” Reyna huffed softly in a laugh. “Piper, I can assure you that your feelings are more than reciprocated.”

Piper finally emerged from her hiding place to stare at Reyna. She figured her eyes were probably the size of dinner plates, but she didn’t care. “I– Really?”

“I’m surprised you haven’t felt it before with your powers,” Reyna admitted casually. “I’ve long quit trying to mask it.”

“I don’t use my powers on you,” Piper swore. “Not Charmspeak or my weird mood ring powers or anything. You said you didn’t like it, so I don’t do it.”

Reyna hummed thoughtfully. She tilted her head to the side, a little smile playing at the corner of her mouth. “If I give you my permission, would you like to try it now?”

Piper was breathless. “Can I?”

“Please do.”

For the first time in the two and a half years Piper had known Reyna, she let her walls down and tapped into her empathy. She was immediately hit with a wall of affection, warmer and brighter than anything she’d ever felt. It was like every moment she’d ever spent wrapped up in someone’s arms combined with each memory of cozy winter nights curled up by a fire and the feeling of sunshine warming her face on lazy summer afternoons. Tears sprang up in the corners of her eyes and she gaped at Reyna. “You- you really feel all that? For me?”

Reyna smiled at her so wide it made her dark eyes squint up over her dark red cheeks. “Quite ardently, and for no one but you.” She reached forward and grabbed both of Piper’s hands up in her own. “Piper McLean, I will freely admit that I have fallen in love with you, and I’d really like for us to go on that ‘real, proper date,’ if you don’t mind.”

Instead of answering, Piper just leaned forward to press her lips to Reyna’s. It wasn’t exactly the fairy tail first kiss she’d always imagined for them, considering the edge of the table was digging into her stomach, she was almost certain she had broccoli cheddar soup on her shirt, and there was a raccoon witnessing the event, but she didn’t really care. Real life – even the messy and the uncomfortable and the mundane – was so much better than her imagination could ever be. 

[bichitosdecolores]

cassette beasts is a queer little game

hello so i played CB recently and i really loved the way it handles queer characters so i’m going to write about it you can read if you like :3

english is not my first language (great way to start an analysis in a monster catching video game, i know). My first language is, unfortunately, spanish. Spanish is a fun, annoying little language. It, unlike English, is a gendered language. That means that we not only have he and she pronouns, but also they (feminine), they (masculine), it (feminine) and it (masculine) and same applies for we, but i don’t feel like writing the same format again, plus the only we i care about is the one that allows you to play mario galaxy 2 and eats too many batteries. (the wii. because we, wii… do you get it)

Anywho. What does spanish and gender and mario galaxy 2 has to do with this? i’m getting to it (except for the mario part, that’s just a cool game i felt like mentioning for no reason)

One more paragraph on context, bear with me.

So i happened to be nonbinary. Which is cool. But if your memory allows you to recall what you read two paragraphs ago, you may notice a problem.

I speak spanish -> spanish is a (bi) gendered language -> i’m nb

yeah

well. There’s actually something about spanish pronouns i didn’t mention before. There actually is a secret third option: the singular gender-neutral equivalent of they: elle.

cool!

or it would be, if anyone knew about it/ was willing to use it.

the thing is for some reason people in here are really obsessed about grammar and language. And, well there are other reason, but the point is, it’s very hard for 'elle' to be used in any space outside the internet (and even there…)

ok ok. i’m done now, sorry about that. let’s talk about silly catching monsters video game.

i don’t remember why i bought cassette beasts but i clearly remember the first time i opened it. First thing that caught my attention was the amount of available languages to play, considering CB was an indie game less than a year old. So i picked spanish (from spain, obviously, because there is no other place in earth that speaks spanish right?), thought ‘nice thanks’ and continued. After setting the language, you’re redirected to a character creation screen. Among the settings offered to customize your character, the very first one is ‘pronouns’. And for a second i stood there, remembering this part of the process in all my pokemon playthrough, and trying to figure out whether i’ll feel less uncomfortable playing as a boy or as a girl this time around. And then i moved the setting and noticed… a third option!!??

yeah! a third, gender-neutral spanish option. like. i have played like a gender-neutral character before, mostly nonhuman characters with tragic destinies and a white color palette, you know the ones. and i loved the knight and ori and survivor. i’ve always adored nonhuman characters, and i love to be represented by them!

but…

did you know that none of these characters are nb in their spanish versions? as i said, spanish is hard and stupid, and what even is ‘elle’?. so as much as i love the knight, i only came to identify with them after beating the game because all the time i played hollow knight they were referred to as ‘the knight (masculine)’. same with all the others

so i love nonhuman they/it characters! but, as much as i would like it to be, i’m not a nonhuman they/it. i’m a person (tragic, i know) and i speak spanish and i go by elle.

And for the first time in my life, the characters i was moving around in my little blue switch’s screen, actually felt like me. it was me!

(that was dramatic, sorry)

ok so that’s it! CB it’s a great game with spanish settings and gender neutral pronouns! queer of the year! or whatever.

...

but that’s not all, there is moreee

part *where-i-actually-talk-about-the-video-game-instead-of-spending-way-too-many-words-explaining-spanish-rules* <- imagine that’s a number and the number is 2 (because it’s part two, does any of what i write makes any sense to anybody?)

so uhmm

part 2

after you create your very cool new character (whose aspect and pronouns you can change at any time btw) you are put into the CB world. Short summary: you land on an island in the middle of space and time, where a lot of people from other places, dimensions and times have also landed before. oh! and nobody can leave. Also. there are monsters, and you scan them with an old walkman and turn into them to fight other monsters and get moth wings to fly for a little time. (so pronouns, spanish an moth wings?! I'm sold <- you rn when i just convinced you of playing CB)

so that’s the game.

The first person to talk to you after you arrive here is a young girl called Kayleigh (you have no idea how many times i’ve rewritten this name in the hopes of getting it right-> i had to use the wiki). she will also be your first partner. in this game, all combats are double, which means you’ll always be traveling with another character. the first one you unlock is her. There are several others including autism girl from the 80s, a dog and a.. Shakespeare character?

(that’s autism girl btw) (and no i did not redraw it sowrry)

and as with many rpg games, the more you spend time with these characters, the more your relationships level increases, which allows you to fuse your souls as monsters and create a limitless amount of beast with various lever of weird and cool designs! (because of course it does, have i mentioned this game is cool?). but besides that, after you have spent enough time with a character they’ll give you a little cutscene, taking about themselves, their story, and when you reach the maximum level of hearts (representing your relationship), you get the opportunity to romance them.

and so i did, mostly out of curiosity. i won’t tell you what happened every time because a) i don’t want to romance eugene i refuse to; b) i don’t want to spoil it; and c) if this was a video, doing so would be filler time that you could spend watching an actual unnecessary long video

ok since Kayleigh is your first partner (and has the coolest monster out of them all), she was the first i had the opportunity to romance. and it was very cute. her dialogue is very in character and she almost immediately accepted your insinuation ¿? (idk love terminology sorry)

And then i kept playing and i decided to try and romance Meredith aka the best character in the video game. and i was kind of expecting the game to get mad at me for romancing more than one character. but here is what happened

first, her reaction was again, very in character. while Kayleigh almost immediately agrees, she first takes a moment to think, then saying she has never dated someone other than man but she still likes you and would like to give this a try! but slowly as she is figuring things out. (like is it me or is that just very cool) (a little note: i may have confused Meredith and Kayleigh reactions, and the wiki is almost empty so it didnt help. but these stuff happened at some point i promise)

also the game did not get mad at me

one time while talking to Meredith she mentioned something about exclusivity, just kind of saying she doesn’t mind (the game acknowledged it?)

other time Kayleigh was just casually kind of flirting with another character (the shakespeare one btw, she’s also very cool)

like isn’t that very cool and interesting. it’s also all very lighthearted and made me feel very nice despite the fact i’m very aro and usually wouldn’t care in the slightest.

conclusion: you can use any pronouns you choose to, you can romance characters in a genuine queer way they’ll actually acknowledge and you can romance more than one and it doesn’t start yelling at you. that’s very cool!

but……

i’m sorry i’m not done yet, one more part.

part last one i promise (aka 4 (part tree moved to live a better life in a forest (really, does this makes any sense??))

part 🌳 4

i once watched a (probably unnecessarily long) video about videogames and queerness and how in a lot of games the queer part is only there if you choose to look for it. yeah you can romance both boys and girls despite your gender, but you can also not. a non-queer person choosing to romance only the opposite gender would never realize there was something queer going on. and that is great for your game because now people will buy it despite their """opinions”””

but if you do that is your game really queer? is CB really queer?

i could argue, and i will, that the mere inclusion of the pronouns setting, the gender-neutral option, the fact you can wear a dress and beard at the same time, and your ability to change both appearance and pronouns as many times as you wish, already make CB a very queer inclusive game. but

let’s say you somehow didn’t notice all that, or choose to ignore it, after all it’s only the character creation screen, who cares.

is cassette beasts still a queer (inclusive) game?

yes!

they translated the game 3 (oh, there you were) times only for spanish (surprise, spanish gender affects a lot of things other than pronouns so yeah you’ll have to go over the entire game 3 times to translate it), so of course there’s other unavoidable queer stuff in the silly monster game. let’s talk about them

the two women in charge of the camp, who act as kind of the final gym leader equivalent, are together and married. and you have to fight them! and they will tell you they’re gay and married and they will fuse to fight you (they are of the very few characters to be able to do this) because you know, that’s just something gay people can do.

and then there’s Bas (apparently their name in English is Skip). you’ll never guess the color of their hair or their pronouns. they literally are blue hair and pronouns guy (gender neutral). and i love their design btw. i’m not sure how obvious they identify is, i notice it because the fact i was playing in spanish made apparent the pronouns indirectly in every sentence. but i figure if it’s not clearly stated in english, you still have the very much blue hair and androgynous look to work with.

also also i almost forget

literally a tumblr girl. trans flag included and all

so yeah. i don’t play much rpg games or many games that are not hk and rw… so maybe CB representation is just average but it really felt special to me and i just wanted to write about the feeling i got while playing as my queer self in silly world fighting cosmic horrors with nice music and stuff.

also that last paragraph i wrote two weeks after the rest of this and i no longer have inspiration or whatever so i’m not rereading this, forgive whatever my two weeks ago me wrote over there.

ok bye

(also i did reread it. just not me that wrote that last paragraph, its me of like 2 months later, im so sorry it took me like forever to write this post, it will happen again)

now go play cassette beasts

(or not idk)

also its me, me from 2 months after that last-last paragraph. thanks for reading if you did. i didnt know i enjoyed writing this much. seems like i do, and more surprising than that, i dont hate how this post turn out, so yeah. hmm. hope you enjoyed? like and subscribe? ok bye 4 real

[bonkers-behavior]

Oh boy. If you’re keeping regular organ locations, then that looks like she’s either been stabbed in the large intestine and the small intestine or the stomach and the small intestine (two in either scenario since there are two blades), neither combo good. This is a thinker, on how to live.

What stage Gwen is this, in terms of what she can do? Could she think herself and Laura away to a hospital? Drag in a past version of herself as part of the basically bi-generated (‘Doctor Who’ style of independent existence) GwenHive to serve as a transplant donor before said GwenHive runs away since they could still actually die, being immune to paradox? Can she think herself doing something she doesn’t know how to do? Drag herself into the Gutter to try and ‘draw herself better’ from her drawing desk, like how she unkilled MODOK in ‘Head Games’? Or do all of these somehow, in order, barely being successful, if she is, Laura along for the ride? You have a lot of options open to you.

An interesting thought experiment. One partial solution along the road may be for Gwen to think it so that what we saw was in a mirror, and that she was actually stabbed in the liver and kidney, which would help a little with the replacement organ possibility but still be pretty bad.

Looking forward to seeing what your follow-up is, or whether you go the route of her dying and another member of the GwenHive showing up for the funeral (because of the whole paradox-immune thing).

I…. Was not thinking about organ placement tbh, so THANK YOU smart anon for reminding me about that lol. To answer a couple questions, the Gwen in my au entered this universe after her appearance in Marvel Voices and before her appearance in Venom Wars: it’s Jeff but somehow during Christmas, so she’s a pretty fully realized Gwen. I might have to steal that mirror idea from you bc that’s really cool, feels like an actual Gwenpool plot. I could do something cool with the gutter space Head Games thing, but I wanna keep this one pretty simple, also the fact that Gwen’s control of the gutter is much worse when she’s injured (GSB) makes that tricky.

Another thing, pretty sure hospitals are off the table because Gwen is a mutant, she at least wouldn’t want to risk being turned away while bleeding out. Not to worry tho bc they’re literally in the X mansion and if my memory serves me correctly they still have a med bay and a very fuzzy doctor (thank you Marvels end credit scene, idk if that’s in universe 10005 but I’ll pretend). But the main thing I wanted to use to save Gwen is actually something featured in The Unbelievable Gwenpool issue 8:

Megatony’s plot convenient healing gun! I don’t think it could heal her immediately - too easy - because it takes roughly a minute to heal Gwen’s subway induced bruising. I do think it could at least stop the blood loss while medical attention is being acquired. I was also thinking about Laura being able to play a more active role in saving Gwen, and the fact that she would have Logan’s E type blood :]

Anywho, thank you so much anon for making me think about my plot and being invested! And reminding me that specific organs exist lol. This comic might end up being a three parter what have I gotten myself into

[ficthots]

To Whom It May Concern

A/N: Jesus I so overdid this, but I couldn’t help myself. Love triangle. Need I explain more? Also, I know this picture is way overused, but it's basically the only one of these two together! What's up with that by the way? Anywho, as always let me know what you guys think and enjoy!

Warnings: Smut. DNI if you are under 18. 18+ only

Word Count: 18.8k+

Falling in love is a right of passage. It happens at different ages and times for everyone. As you grow, so do your infatuations. These feelings you can’t begin to describe take over your being and infiltrate your mind daily. They can happen more than once, they can happen just once, it all varies and depends on the person. Loving love is what we're taught from such a young age. Why would anyone be anything but enthralled to finally feel the deep rooted sensations that accompany love?

Because they can be unrequited. A majority of the time they are. Whomever has captured your attention and the blossoming feelings that you begin to feel deep in your soul are simply unreturned. Never showing a large interest in even thinking about expressing or returning those emotions. 

That seemed to be your only experience with love. 

On more than one occasion you admit to staring off into space as you imagined him finally admitting his feelings for you. What your life and world could be like if he was by your side for it all. Something you had been imagining and daydreaming about since you first met him when you were just a child. Not fully comprehending what those butterflies in your stomach actually were. As you grew older, you harbored those feelings for him, settling for being just friends. 

You could be the friend. Sure, those feelings wouldn’t go away, in fact it was quite the opposite. They only expanded. Spending incredulous amounts of time together over the years meant it was the only way it was going to happen. The sweetest boy turned man you had ever met in your life. Watching from the sidelines as he hopped from relationship to relationship, never looking at you the way you had so desperately wanted for years. But it didn’t matter because it was him.

Danny. 

Having grown up with the Kiszka boys, Danny joined the group in middle school. The rest was history for you. The second the tall, lanky boy entered their living room, being introduced by Sam, you felt your mouth go dry. Eyes nearly bugging out of your head at the sight of him, you didn’t know what to say when he took the spot next to you on the floor, legs going under the coffee table.

The gang was playing a round of monopoly and when his knee lightly brushed yours, you melted into the floor. “Hey,” he said with a kind, but nervous smile. Clearing your throat, you anxiously straightened the fake money piles in front of you, terrified to make eye contact with him. “Hey,” you offered back eyes darting up to him and seeing his attention already focused on the board.

Staring at your best friend across the table, Sam’s eyebrows were furrowed, shaking his head no at you. Feeling heat creep up your cheeks and neck, you had a silent conversation using only various looks with the youngest brother. A throat cleared next to you, seeing older brother Jake’s head move between you both.

With a nudge, Jake spoke up, “It’s your turn, belly,” your eyes went wide at the horrendous nickname, embarrassment pummeling you at the term being used right then. “Belly? Why belly?” His voice spoke up from next to you, but everyone burst out in laughter as Sam tried to get the explanation out.

“Be-because, we went to a lake one summer a long time ago, an-and she belly flopped off the back of the boat into the wa-water.” Tears streamed down all of their faces at the ridiculous memory, but all he did was offer a light chuckle, elbow popping out towards your arm as he leaned towards you. “It’s better than all of your nicknames coming from being the tallest kid in the class or having a huge nose,” he gave a kind smile, trying to offer a sense of relief from the others still rolling around on the floor from laughter.

You nearly choked on your words as you tried to respond to him. “I-I like your nose. I don’t think it’s big at all. And Michael Davidson is taller than you,” his smile grew at your words. You couldn’t keep eye contact a second longer after that, eyes going back to the board and rolling your dice as Sam continued cackling. 

“Shut up, Sam! Or should I say skidmark,” as Jake and twin Josh had just caught their breath, they were back to rolling around on the floor dying in laughter. Sam quieted down right away after that, face burning bright red at the jab back at him. “Whatever, I don’t want to play anymore. Come on, Danny. I’ll show you my guitar. It’s pretty cool.” 

Jake slammed his money on the table as the boys pounded up the stairs, you staring after them in awe as they moved, Jake shouting after them, “Sam, I swear to god, if you touch my guitar, I’ll kill you!” You didn’t notice you had been staring until Josh spoke up next to you. 

“Well, I guess that mean’s games over. Can you help me put it away?” You snapped back into the moment, quickly nodding in agreement as you aided Josh in putting the game away. He chatted the entire time, but you had no idea what he had said at all. Only thinking about the new boy upstairs. 

That was just the beginning. He was around nearly every single day after that. Taking over as drummer for their little band and constantly being over for practice. You were over everyday because it was just what you did. Your parents worked late, and you weren’t comfortable being home alone so late, so you went to the Kiszka house until one of your parents would come and get you.

Unrequited love. That was the definition of your entire relationship with Danny. You had been in love with the boy since the day he had walked into the room, but nothing you did or said made a difference. In Danny’s eyes, you were just another part of the group. Nothing more.

Years rolled by with no advances. As he became an adopted brother to the boys, it seemed like you became his adopted sister. It didn’t matter what you tried, it simply just didn’t matter. Realization of this dawned on you during your senior year of high school. Prom season had quickly approached. Sam had asked one of the girls in your class, and you had been asked by two different guys that you had turned down.

Sitting in your room Sam had his legs straight up against your bed, back flush with the floor, tossing a ball up into the air while your other best friend, Marcia, sat at your desk while you looked at the dress you had bought for prom. 

“Okay, what do you think?” You turned to face them both, their heads turning to you and Marcy gasped, eyes wide as she nodded fervently. “Oh my god, yes, yes, yes! That dress is everything.” Sam nodded, going back to tossing his ball. “Looks good. Who are you going with? I heard that Mason Bloomson asked you. Did you say yes?” Eyes falling downcast, you shook your head. “Oh, yeah, he did. I turned him down,” Marcy’s jaw nearly hit the floor at your words. “You said no to Mason?” You only offered a shrug, turning back towards the floor length mirror, playing with the dress, wanting to avoid the topic all together.

Sam sighed, deciding to be as blunt as possible with you. “Danny’s not asking you, belly.” You shot him a dirty look through the mirror. “I’m not waiting for Dan-” he cut you off before you could finish, “He already asked Jessica Frock. She said yes,” you tried to mask the hurt expression that plastered to your face. 

Marcy’s face fell, locking eyes with you through the mirror, an apologetic look on her own face. Trying to shake it off, Sam carefully watched your reaction from the corner of his eyes. “I’m sorry, belly flop,” your nose and lips twitched to the side as you felt the hurt pummel you. 

“I wanted to go alone. It’s more fun that way.” Was all you could offer in return, now hating the color of dress you had picked. After having seen his suit just a couple weeks prior, the silver and gold dress you had selected because you thought it would match Danny well now seemed ridiculous. 

The day of prom, you spent nearly all day getting ready with Marcy, knowing it was time to go down the street for pictures. When you appeared at the Kiszka house for photos, your eyes were immediately drawn to him. He looked amazing. The suit fit him perfectly, not making him look as skinny as he typically did, hair slicked back, boutonniere pinned to his lapel. He looked happy as he and Jessica matched perfectly.

You felt heat creep up your neck at the whistle that came from the other side of the room. “You look amazing, belly.” Josh leaned against the doorframe, eyes bright with amusement as you walked over to him. “Thanks, chompers.” The nickname you came up for him based on the sheer size of his smile and teeth. His face lightly pinked at your words. 

Looking around the room, his brows furrowed as he saw Sam with his date, Danny with Jessica, and Marcy with hers, his eyes fell back to you. “Where’s your date? Is he running late?” You shook your head, taking in a short breath as you tried to laugh it off. “Oh, no. I’m going by myself.”

A look of shock took over Josh’s face at your words, standing up straight. “What? Why?” You couldn’t help but look at him. Laughing with Sam about the picture they had just taken together. “I-I just wasn’t asked by the right person.” Josh followed your gaze, nodding with understanding but not saying anything more. 

When the parents called you over for the group photo, you begrudgingly trekked over. The picture of you, Sam, and Danny had you placed in between them. “Ah, how cute! Danny and belly girl match!” Danny’s brows furrowed at his moms words, looking down to see what you were wearing. 

Laughter escaped him as he looked back towards the camera. “Oh, look we do.” His hand came up and lightly ruffled your hair. You tried to laugh through the awkwardness that sat deep in your stomach, smoothing down the top of your hair. “Ye-yeah.” That was the last Danny said to you all night. 

You ended up sitting on the balcony for most of the evening, watching over the party goers, tears streaming down your cheeks at how incredibly stupid you felt about the entire thing. You should’ve known better. Danny didn’t see you that way. The way you looked at him like he had hung the stars and the moon just for you. Like he was the only person in the world worth a damn. 

No, to Danny you were just another part of the group. When Sam invited you to a band practice one afternoon you knew you had nothing better to do so you went. Sitting in the garage listening to the sound pounding around you, you couldn’t fight the smile that grew on your face with each passing minute.

Eyes glued to him. He moved so easily despite the burn you knew he had in his arms. Never missing a beat, it was like second nature to him. He was captivating. As the boys went in to grab a drink of water, you remained in the garage with Danny. 

“So, what do you think?” You stood from your stool, walking over to the drum set. “Eh.” His shocked laugh fell from his lips. “Eh? We just poured out hearts and souls into this and you say eh?” You both fought through laughter as he feigned hurt. 

Giving a shrug, you went to his own seat, plopping down and grabbing the sticks from his hands. “Watch the professional. You might want to take notes here,” he leaned against a tool chest, arms crossed over his chest as he watched you. 

You took in a deep breath, rolling your head in an over dramatic way, wanting to make a show of this. When you opened your eyes, you immediately just started hitting everything you could, letting your foot go wild on the pedal, nothing but horrific noise going into the room. Danny started laughing so hard, he hunched over, hands flat on the tops of his thighs as he watched from the sidelines. 

“Okay, okay! Don’t break ‘em!” He approached you as you came to stop, out of breath from the exertion. Giggles falling from you. “I mean that was pretty good, right? I feel like we sounded exactly the same. I can be your understudy anytime. Just give me a call and I’m there.” 

He came up behind you, hands enclosing over yours, looming over you as he got your hands into actual position. His leg hooked under yours, moving it to the correct spot. His head came down, cheek nearly brushing yours as he spoke. “Yeah, let’s get some more practice first. Okay, it’s one-two-two-one,” he moved your hands with his, hitting the drums as he spoke. 

“Now, when you feel my foot hit yours, hit the pedal,” your tongue darted out as you tried adjusting your body to actually try and play. Continuing with the basic motions, him guiding you still, his foot occasionally tapping yours to remind you to hit the pedal, you actually had a smooth rhythm going.

The garage door opened, the guys walking in and seeing the beaming smile on your face as you played with Danny, slowly speeding up. “Huh? Look at this! I am so your back up drummer now.” All three of their eyebrows shot up, nodding, but Jake pointed to Danny. 

“Take your hands off,” he did so and you immediately lost the smooth pace you had been playing at. Pouting at Jake, you pointed a stick at him, “You’re such an ass!” Laughter erupted from everyone as Danny tapped your shoulder, letting you know it was time to get up.

Reluctantly standing, you once again took your regular spot, but Josh approached you. “Hey, I think you’ve got amazing potential. More so than me.” He shot you a wink as you laughed, pushing him away from you. 

You were buzzing for the remainder of the week. 

Nothing ever changed. Even as you grew older, having gone off to college, their music taking off. Becoming a massive success seemingly overnight. They weren’t home near enough anymore. When you were able to get home from school, they were almost always gone and vice versa. 

Of course, you dated around, but nothing ever stuck. No massive feelings ever erupting for anyone else. Still only viewing Danny in that light. It wasn’t until Christmas break when you had gotten home that you noticed an aura shift in the house. The bouncing boy, full of energy and life, came crashing into the party. 

Something was…different. You couldn’t help but look at Josh…different. When his eyes connected with yours, you didn’t think it was possible for his smile to grow larger, eyes get brighter, but he took off in your direction, enveloping you in a massive hug. Hands cupping your cheeks as he pulled back, a different look on his face than ever before. 

“My belly girl!” He pulled you back to him. Butterflies. 

It would be another year before anything would ever come of that. But it didn’t matter because he still caught your eye. Hair longer than ever before, eyes beaming as he took you in. Still Danny. Still not the look you dreamed of. 

“I’m fucking done. Do you have any idea how bad that date was last night?” Angrily slamming a plate into the soapy water into the sink below, your two best friends laughed on the other end of the FaceTime call. “No, belly, please do tell.” 

You gave Sam the dirtiest look you could manage as his sarcastic tone rang through the speaker. “No. Just for that, I won’t. There is nobody. Literally no good guys anymore. They’re all sleazy assholes and the ones that are good either don’t like you back or are taken. It’s a goddamn lose-lose situation, here!”

Frustration had your voice going up to a pitch it typically didn’t. “Bells, you just have bad taste in men.” Setting the plate down after scrubbing it roughly, you deadpanned to the split screen, Marcy’s words not making you feel any better. 

“Thanks for the help. I appreciate you both so much.” Sam groaned, moving around the hotel he was currently in before flipping a light switch on and showcasing his entire face for the first time. “If you would just act on your feelings maybe this wouldn’t be happening. You’re too afraid of everything and that’s the problem here and you know it.” 

Eyebrows drawing in at his words, your soap covered hands rested on the counter top. “Am not.” You muttered back, but Marcy caught it. “Are too! Both Danny and Josh are prime examples of this. You’ve had a crush on Danny since forever and Josh since you were nineteen years old. You. Are. A. Chicken.” 

Rolling your eyes, you continued with your dishes. “I don’t even like them anymore. They were phases. I had no interaction with any other boys until college. Of course I would like whoever was in front of me.” 

They both protested, but before they could continue Sam had to end the call, needing to head to the venue for their last show of their tour. An amazing, globe trotting tour that had you bursting with pride at the once garage band now literal rockstars. Seeing their dreams happen right before your eyes. 

You hardly spoke to anyone for the following few days, having had an insane time at work and knowing the boys were getting back to Nashville sometime that week, you were far too busy to dwell on it. They had basically followed you to Nashville, you having gotten into school there and finding a job right after school, the gang ended up following.

Collapsing on your couch with a loud sigh and groan, having changed for the night, you were looking forward to reading and consuming an adult cocktail, but that came to an abrupt halt when a knock sounded on the other side of your front door. Debating on ignoring it, a text came through to your phone just seconds later. 

Perm-It’s me. Open the door. Please :) 

Excitement coursed through you as you jumped from your seat and opened your door with haste. Throwing yourself into his embrace, his curls tickled your cheek as he wrapped his arms around you. “Belly!” You could hear the big smile through his words.

His arms tightened around you as you rocked with him, not wanting to let go just yet, one of his hands cradling the back of your head, the other wrapped tightly around your waist. “Fro boy! When did you guys get back?” He laughed, reluctantly letting you go, hands not leaving you just yet. 

“This afternoon.” You grabbed his hand, dragging him into your apartment and going to your kitchen to make him a drink. “I want to hear everything,” he cleared his throat, your back facing him, “Belly,” continuing on and ignoring him, you animatedly kept talking. “Tell me everything, every story,” he tried again to intervene, “Bells.” Still, you carried on. “I’ve only heard some from Sam, but you always tell them so much better than him.” 

When you turned on your heel, drink made for him in hand, the glass slipped from your fingers as you saw what he held in his hands, his cheeks bright red. He immediately went to clean the broken glass that scattered around the floor. “Ho-how di-did you get that?” Your finger pointed at the envelope in his hands, unable to process what was happening. 

With Josh still crouched on the floor, paper towels in hand, mopping up the liquid and picking up the glass shards, he answered. “It was in my mail when I got home.” Your trembling hands grabbed the envelope, praying that it wasn’t opened. 

It was.

“This isn’t even your current address.” You mumbled out, seeing the decorated envelope in your hands. When Josh stood back up, his gaze fell to it. “It was in another envelope.” Nodding, you went to your couch and sat down, the item still in your hands, unable to get up to speed. 

His awkward laugh broke through the room as he appeared in your line of vision. “I think we need to talk about it.” You swallowed thickly, not having blinked once. “Mhm.” You answered back. He sat on the coffee table, merely inches from you. 

He waited for you. Didn’t pressure you. Wanted you to be ready to share with him whatever you were feeling. Whatever explanation you wanted to give. Taking a deep breath, you calmed down enough to look into the large doe eyes peering at you, giving you a comforting smile. 

“I just want to start by saying that letter is old. Very old. That's why that address isn’t right. I don’t know how or who sent it, but it wasn’t me.” Josh laughed with a shrug, hands rubbing his knees. “I figured that out when you dropped that glass.” Your eyes shut, a small laugh bubbling from your lips. 

“Sorry about that by the way. It was gonna be a really good mule.” You both laughed together, feeling the tension slowly ease. “I wrote that letter when I knew I had feelings for you.” He nodded slowly, following along with your tale. 

A shuttered breath fell from your throat. “I’m not going to lie to you. I wrote that when I was hopelessly in love with you, Josh. I was nineteen. It was on that trip back home during the Christmas break of my sophomore year.” It dawned on him right then exactly what trip it was. 

“The kickback.” He breathed out. You flipped the envelope over, pulling the pieces of paper from it, unfolding and rereading the emotions you had felt tenfold when you wrote it. Everything rushing back to you then.

Joshua Michael Kiszka,

Oh, the brightest ball of sunshine that I have ever encountered and probably ever will. Do you know how much you light up a room when you enter it? You’ve done it since we were kids. Drawn all eyes to you. Pulling all the attention in a room straight to you. I am guilty of this. Of seeing you and only you. A spotlight if you will. 

I don’t know how else to explain this. How I’m feeling. The unexplainable, unmeasurable emotions that are erupting from deep within. Taking notice of my best friend’s older brother. The twin that I’ve always felt the strongest pull towards. That can have butterflies wrestling in my stomach with such a simple look. How you take care of me. Ensuring that I am always okay. No matter how far apart we are. How blind I’ve been, Josh. My sincerest apologies for not recognizing this sooner. Being preoccupied elsewhere. But not tonight. 

You kissed me tonight. 

The entire world faded away and in that moment it was just us. I wish it could remain that way for the rest of time together. We sat together at that kickback, bonfire roaring, but that wasn’t what kept me warm tonight. It was you. Your presence, your everloving persona. After having watched the show of a lifetime by you and your brothers, I thought it was just going to be like any other night. 

How wrong was I? Maybe it was the energy you had from the evening or maybe it was how you had been feeling for a long while. I never saw the looks you gave me until tonight, but you’ve always been there, haven’t you? I was just too dumb to see it. 

I love you, Josh. Forever yours. 

Belly

You couldn’t help but smile at the lovesick girl that wrote this. So overpowered by the emotions she had felt when the older brother kissed her. He had sat next to you on a log, asking you how you thought the show went. You two sat and talked for ages. About anything and everything. It happened in the blink of an eye. It was the way he looked at you and you looked at him. Like you were truly seeing him for the first time. 

Joshua.

“Do you still feel this way, belly?” His voice was nothing but a whisper. Not wanting to frighten you off. Buying you time to respond. Not needing an answer right away. Because Josh was never rushed. Never bothered by the wait. He continued on, still speaking low. “I’ve liked you for a long time. So long I can’t even think back to when it started. I-I didn’t know you felt the same otherwise I would’ve acted on it.”

When his eyes came back up and locked on yours, you went to answer, mouth opening to let sound out, but you heard your phone ding, drawing your attention to the cushion next to you that lit up. 

Little drummer boy- Attachment: 1 Image

Little drummer boy- Think we need to talk

Your mouth was gaping like a fish, trying to catch any air you possibly could. Feeling the beginnings of an anxiety attack barreling through you, nausea surfacing, you moved back from Josh. Leaning forward, you placed your forehead against the tops of your thighs, nearly brushing against your knees, trying to will your breathing back to normal.

“Belly, what’s going on? Breathe, take a breath,” Josh’s hand caressed your back, rubbing soothing circles, trying to muster up the courage to tell him what happened. “Someone else got a letter,” you mumbled it out so quietly, he almost wasn’t sure you had spoken at all. 

He lightly chuckled, withdrawing his hand from your warm back to let you properly sit up. “What?” With your eyes still squeezed shut, you sat upright and let a shaky breath out. “Someone else got a letter,” it was choked out, opening your eyes as you finished to see his expression.

It was his turn to be surprised. Bushy brows near kissing on his face, a puzzled look adorning his handsome features. “Wait, what? There’s-there’s another letter?” Your eyes shot up to the ceiling as your head fell back. “Technically three, but only two are accounted for,” gnawing on your lip, you saw a smile starting to grace his face. 

“Wow, alright. Three, huh?” You nodded, playing with the skin on your fingernails as you dove into a word vomit of an explanation. “I’ve written a letter for every person I’ve ever been in love with. All at very different times in my life. It was the only way for me to express my feelings without actually saying something.” 

Taking in a large breath after you had finished, that signature lopsided smile, the shit eating grin that turned you into mush, adorned his lips. “Who's the others?” Rolling your eyes, you propelled up from the couch, trying to figure out how to respond to Danny’s message. Maybe don’t respond at all and you just won’t have to deal with it.

“Uh uh.” You murmured out, nearly downing your own cocktail in one swig. He followed you, hand gripping your wrist and turning you to face him. “All I’m saying is I deserve to know. Might be some competition here,” he laughed at the end, but when your head snapped up from your screen, color draining from your face, it hit you.

This was going to be bad. Not just for you, but for literally every single one of the boys. Josh was obviously showing interest in you, Danny was probably going to want to stay as far away from you as possible from now on, it was just going to be…weird. His face deadpanned, smile diminishing as he knew who got the other letter.

His eyes stared at his shoes, kicking an imaginary rock around your kitchen as he bit out the name, not sure what to do. “Danny, right?” His arms were behind his back, each hand holding the other wrist. Standing back up straight, his eyes locked with yours. 

Immediate devastation. Loss. Not even a fighting chance. 

“Josh-I. Yeah. He got one of them.” He shrugged, a knowing look taking over. “So, that’s it then, right?” You immediately shook your head, reaching a hand out for his. “No, no. I-just, this is a lot happening at once. Can-can I just have some time?” He perked back up instantly, leaning forward and placing the gentlest kiss you had ever received on your lower cheek, capturing the highest corner of your mouth.

Squeezing your hand, eyes bright. Excited. Hopeful.

“I’m here. Whenever you’re ready. I’ll always be here.” Josh left just a second after that. Your hands trembled, picking your phone back up and just staring at the message. The text bubble popped back up, disappearing, and then another message appeared. 

Little drummer boy- C’mon over belly doors unlocked

It took every ounce of courage you had to get in your car and drive over to his home. It was a short drive, only seven minutes from your apartment complex, but it felt like the longest drive you had ever experienced in your life. 

You weren’t ready to do this. To deal with the feelings you had been harboring for years. Since the day you met him. You could’ve vomited as you trudged up his front steps, hand grabbing the cool knob, opening the door as you got the sweeping comfort of his home.

A warm embrace. The smell of him lingered everywhere, the cologne you adored more than anything was on every surface. The lights were dim in the house, only some low lights on, music playing through the surround sound speakers. His back was to you as he stood in the kitchen. 

Clearing your throat, you were terrified your wavering voice would crack and break as you spoke to him. “Dan-danny?” He instantly turned and faced you, a large smile on his face as he nearly ran from the kitchen, sweeping you up in his embrace, crushing you to him.

Your laughter mixed with his, arms enclosing around his neck, the long curls covering your arms. “Belly! God I missed you,” he placed a large kiss to the side of your head, placing you back on the floor, arms not removing from you as he did. “Hey yourself,” you still were giggling at his over excitement. 

His large hands came up, cradling both sides of your jaw, eyes squinted as his smile took over his face. Smushing your cheeks together, he was reluctant to let you go, but you batted his hands away with a laugh. Your eyes immediately fell to the counter where it sat. Waiting.

Gaze following yours, his lips sucked back into his mouth, hands tucking into the tight pockets of his dark jeans.  “I’m so sorry, Danny. I-I don’t know how it got to you, who sent it, I-I just have no clue.” You were speaking quietly, eyes not being able to pull away from the torn top of the letter. 

He motioned to his living room, grabbing the letter as you both made your way to the couch. You sat far from him. Not wanting to make this any more uncomfortable then it had to be. Playing with the envelope in his hands, his eyes remained stuck on it. You weren’t even sure where to start. Not with Danny.

“I wrote that letter when I was seventeen. It was-was never supposed to be seen by anybody, especially you. That letter was the only way I could channel all of those feelings into some sort of outlet. I had-had been feeling that way for so long,” he cut you off as you spoke, “Since we first met.” His eyes cut up to yours, swallowing thickly at his intense stare.

You couldn’t speak. Wanting to deny it, but you literally couldn’t. He had the proof right there in his hands. Instead you just nodded. Danny tossed the letter onto the coffee table in front of him, hands coming up to rub harshly at his face. A frustrated sigh turned groan leaving him as he tried to gather his thoughts. 

“Belly, I didn’t-had I-I’m sorry.” You couldn’t look at him, see the pure anger. Disappointment. All of it painting his face. “No, I know you didn’t. Please don’t apologize. It-it was years ago. All in the past.” Finding the fuzz on your leggings of more interest, you picked it off, a pained laugh bubbling from your throat, trying to ease the seriousness of this. 

In the blink of an eye, Danny was sitting right next to you, shaking his head fervently at your words. “No, oh my god, belly no. I didn’t mean-I just meant I didn’t know you felt that way. I didn’t want to create some crazy idea in my head that couldn’t be lived up to, you know what I mean? You were-are so out of my league, I never thought.” He trailed off at the end, leaving you absolutely speechless. 

Not offering any more words, Danny continued on. “You’re an amazing person, belly. That’s why I never tried more with you. I don’t take rejection very well and had things not worked or you said no, it would’ve made things bad. I’m sorry.” As Danny poured his entire heart out and all the qualms he’d been facing, all your mind could think of was Josh.

How despite not noticing him in that way, seeing the pure joy that crossed his face every time he saw you, he did exactly that. Saw you. Looked at you the way you wanted. How a small portion of your stomach still flipped when you thought of his toothy grin. The same way the other half of your tummy would erupt in nerves when Danny would laugh. 

“There’s other letters.” You finally blurted out. He halted, trying to understand what you meant. “I wrote one for each person I ever fell in love with. You were one, there’s another one I’m not entirely sure if it was sent, and-” you paused, trying to muster the courage to just be honest with him, “and the other went to Josh.” Your voice was whisper quiet at the end, on the edge of your seat to see his reaction. 

Standing from his spot on the couch, your neck craned back to watch him. His hands went to his hips, beginning to think out loud. “Josh Josh?” You nodded, not wanting to speak anymore and have this spiral out of control. “You have feelings for him?”

You responded quickly, wanting to set this straight. “Had! I mean,” you took in a deep breath, somehow on your feet, but not recalling when you too had stood up, “I don’t know. There's a lot happening right now and these were written so long ago and a long time apart. Different times of my life.” 

Trying to get your point across was only further confusing the boy. “Well, now you’re here. At this point in your life. Belly, how do you feel now? You-your letter says you have always had feelings for me. What happened to where it shifted to Josh? What did I do?” His eyes were wild, not focusing on anything as his mind raced a mile a minute, hands moving around like crazy.

You scoffed at his question, seeming as though the answer was blaringly obvious. “You never showed interest in me, Danny. I moved on. I had to move on from the childhood crush that had taken over my life. I couldn’t waste any more time sitting there love sick over you.” His eyes grew glassy as he stared at you from across the room. 

Head falling downcast, he nodded his head. “It’s Josh then, right?” Babbling incoherently, you crossed your arms over your chest, observing his movements. Body rigid with nerves, waiting for your response. “No. I don’t know right now.”

He crossed the room, hands taking your elbows and pulling you towards him, removing your hands from your biceps and enclosing in his. “Give me a chance, bells. A chance to just-just make this right. Fix what I fucked up.” Your eyes were wide, feeling him peer into you. 

Seeing you.

Slowly nodding your head, his hands moved from yours, one slipping under your hair, cupping around the back of your neck, the other landing on your hip, he tilted your head down. Your hands stayed limp at your sides, not sure what to do at this moment as his lips landed softly on your forehead, then your hairline, bringing you closer to him and simply holding you. Just for a moment. 

You left Danny’s house that night and as soon as you got back to your apartment, you began wracking your brain for how those letters could have possibly been sent out. The FaceTime call dial echoed in the quiet house, both of them picking up at the same time.

“Who did it?” You immediately spoke out, anger coursing through your veins, nearly quivering. Neither responded, so you pressed again. Still not a response. “Belly, can you please clarify?” Sam finally spoke. 

Jaw setting, a small tick being heard which meant your jaw had in fact locked just momentarily, you talked through gritted teeth. “The. Letters. Who sent them?” When Sam and Marcy both snorted through the speaker, you wanted to throw your phone at the wall as though it would actually harm them in the moment. 

“We both did. You’re welcome by the way.” Marcy said through giggles. You feigned a laugh, a simple ha ha falling from you, directing your attention solely to Sam. “Oh yeah, real good idea guys. Hey, Sammy?” He hummed in response, eyes finally looking at the screen for the first time. 

You gave a sarcastic grin, obviously not entertained with this. “Do you know who those letters were for?” He shook his head, closing his eyes, and speaking. “No, of course not. I didn’t want to invade your privacy like that.” 

Nodding with a laugh to match theirs, still not sincere, you decided it was time to pop his bubble. Pull him from the high and mighty spot he held himself in. “Well, only two of the three have been noted. Both sent to your brothers. Remember Danny and Josh?” 

Watching as his smile fell from his face, a mixture of shock and anger morphed his features. “What?” You continued with the faux smile plastered on your mouth. “Yup. It gets better! Josh showed up at my apartment, told me he had strong feelings for me and at the exact moment he’s telling me that I get a notification from Danny that he got his! Head over to his place and guess what? He too has feelings for me. Now, I turn to you two. What the fuck do I do?” 

Your smile had entirely fallen at the end, shouting into the speaker at the pair who both sat in utter silence. Sam tossed his phone onto a nearby surface, a loud groan echoing through his home before he picked it up, deadpanned once more as he eyed you. 

“Decide now. Who is it?” You shake your head, not even wanting to deal with that yet. A small giggle bubbles from the back of your throat, soon collapsing into a heap of laughter. The entire absurdity of the situation smacking you across the face. 

It wasn’t long before the two others joined you, wiping tears that spilled from the corners of their eyes. “Well, belly, I don’t think you can say that there aren’t any good guys interested in you anymore. Now you have two to choose from.”

You left the phone call at that. This entire thing was absolutely ridiculous. Both of these boys whom you had admittedly fallen in love with over the course of many years who had never shown true interest in you now both vying for you. What the fuck were you supposed to do?

Ignoring texts and phone calls for the next few days only proved futile enough until Sam begged you to come to the studio and listen to their newest album. He claimed the finishing touches had been done except for one final song, but that he was finally ready for you to hear it. The ramifications of the problem didn’t hit you until you stepped foot into the studio and both of their eyes set upon you. 

Honestly, you had mainly forgotten about it to the best of your ability. Shoving it to the furthest, darkest corner of your brain only worked momentarily until you locked eyes with Josh. A large smile broke across his face, dimples sinking into his chiseled cheeks, the tiniest, miniscule of a gap showcased only when he smiled like this was out. Your heart race increased tenfold. 

Not able to maintain eye contact, your head swiveled to see the other twin pull you into a side embrace, leading you out to sit in a chair and truly take in the magic he was about to play for you. Once you sat in your designated chair, your eyes scanned the room for Sam, but almost instinctively found Danny.

Cleaning up his area of the studio, grabbing his belongings, and turning around, his laser focused gaze fell to you. Neither of you made a move to smile, breath catching in your throat, not daring to blink first, only feeling the intensity of the stare. To break it, you offered a small wave. A total dork move, but it was all you had. It did the trick. He broke out into a large grin, waving back as his cheeks tinted ever so slightly. 

Snapping your attention back to the sound board, Sam began playing it in the proposed order that he and Jake fought over for months, according to the elder brother. Sitting and listening as intently as possible, you could see how proud they truly were of this album. Their newest baby to the bunch.

A beaming smile broke across your face as the music came to an end. “It’s amazing, guys. Really, like holy shit. I’m literally buzzing. Look, my hand is shaking!” They fell into laughter and conversation about your deeper thoughts, the messages they were trying to send, if you had even gotten them to begin with. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you watched as Josh approached you, hands stuffed into his pockets, a tint creeping upon the apples of his cheeks, head downcast as his brothers all filed out of the room. “Hey, belly,” you bit back a laugh at how incredibly nervous he seemed to be by just trying to talk to you. 

“Hey, Josh.” He took the seat that his twin had just been in, leaning onto his knees and staring at you. His wide eyes glistened in the lower light of the studio. You found yourself getting lost in them, the endless swirls of deep chocolate and honey hues colliding together, solely focused on what was in front of him. You. 

He cleared his throat, nearly tripping over his words as he played with his hands, clearly nervous to even be bringing this up to you. “So-so, I was won-wondering if maybe I can take you out this week? Like dinner, activity, whatever you want,” his hopefulness seeped into every word. You chuckled at him, leaning back in your chair and made a show of thinking it over. 

“Activity, huh? What kind of activity we talking about?” He could easily tell you were poking fun at him, rolling his eyes, the tension he held in his shoulders dissipating as you spoke. His own laughter fell into his response. “Laying it all out there I was hoping to get you home and do some adult activities, but only after mini golf.” 

Your head tipped back a cackle shaking your throat, eyes closed as you tried to catch your breath. “I appreciate the honesty. How about we start with the mini golf and see where the night goes?” He feigned a scoff, acting insulted that you would shut him down so blatantly. “Well, if that’s all I’m gonna get, then I guess.” 

His hands reached forward, taking yours into his, and rubbed his thumb soothingly along the backs of your hands. Your giggles slowly subsided as his touch grounded you back down. “Friday at eight?” You said through the biggest smile you had mustered up all week. A true, genuine, heartfelt grin that only Josh could bring out. One that was only ever accompanied by the stomach aching laughter he induced. 

Eagerly nodding, he leaned ever so slightly forward, lips dusting across your cheek. You didn’t miss the quiver of his lips that he silently prayed you didn’t notice. The way his soft mustache tickled the smooth skin as it made contact. How incredibly warm his lips were as they met you, leaving a searing memory in its wake. 

Giving your hands a slight squeeze, you finally felt like you could catch your breath as he separated from you. Instantly missing the comfort his touch offered you. Friday at eight. Two days to prep. 

It wasn’t enough.

As you finished getting dressed, you stared at your reflection in the mirror, entirely flabbergasted that you were about to go out on a date. With Josh. Actually going out on an adult date with Josh. The more you dwelled on it, the more the tremor in your hands became a full fledged shake. Nearly jumping out of your skin as a knock on your door echoed through your apartment. 

Trembling hands attempting to fix the slightly smeared lipstick as you called out to him that you’d be there in a second. Rushing over to the door when deciding that your look was about as good as it was going to get, you pulled the door open. 

His cheeks had to ache, you thought to yourself. Constantly being pulled so tightly with how large of a smile was almost always on his face. It never seemed to phase or bug him at all. It was like that was where it was meant to be. How he was permanently supposed to look. 

When your actual name fell from his lips, you felt your stomach flip on itself, feeling the shake leave your hands but find home in your knees instead. “You-just yeah, wow, okay.” He couldn’t seem to settle on the correct verbage to truly describe how amazing you looked. His brain was running on hyperspeed, but his mouth could never seem to catch up. Instead, he fumbled over his words, feeling his temperature continuously rise the more he fucked up.

“I’m going to take that as a good sign,” you breathed out with a laugh. Only able to nod, curled due bobbing with him, you took his outstretched hand and let him lead you to whatever he had in store for the night. 

You had thought about this more often than you would have liked to admit. What it would be like going on a date with Josh. Sitting on your bedroom floor, mindlessly thinking about what it would even look like. It was nearly unbelievable that you were sat out at an incredibly nice restaurant with him, trying to stifle your uncontrollable howls as he told you story after story about their tour. 

Being slightly tipsy from the cocktails that never seemed to be fully empty before a new one was placed on the table, you were sure you had nearly drunk their entire drink menu. The food was some of the best you had ever had, candlelight filled the table space, the rest of the venue almost entirely dark, really playing into the romantic feel. 

Stomach aching from too many drinks to count and never ending giggles, you were on cloud nine. This was what you had been missing. What you had been craving since you were a lovesick teenager. 

Josh. 

“Well, Joshua, you have wined and dined me quite well. Is the evening coming to a close or is there something else on our agenda?” He slipped his credit card in the billfold that had been placed on the table by the waiter, not even bothering to peek at the check, eyebrows wiggling suggestively at you. “How’s that competitive streak in you feeling?”

Eyebrows raising at his question, tongue poking into your cheek, you were trying to bite back your growing smirk. “Ready to kick your ass at whatever you throw my way.” Perhaps the liquid luck you had been chugging all evening was making you bolder than normal. Maybe it was just the comfort of being with someone you had known your entire life. Either way, all you wanted to do was continue the night, not nearly ready for it to come to a close just yet.

He read your mind. In the way only Josh could. Knowing what you wanted before you even knew. It’s why he was leaned against the pinball machine as your score continuously climbed, trying to play off that he was irritated with the way you demolished his previous score. He couldn’t be annoyed with you. 

It was physically impossible in Josh’s mind. Honestly, since you had entered his life as a young child, he had never been annoyed with your presence. There was something about you that had him clinging to you. Never wanting to separate, but always terrified to try and take the next step towards something more. Josh liked to pretend he was a confident person. In truth, he wasn’t at all. You all knew this about him, it was one of the traits you adored.

That even as he grew up, morphing into this stage presence that was a force to be reckoned with, he still remained the humble and shy Josh you had known your whole life. Still scared to look in your eyes for longer than absolutely necessary. Shaky hands battling about grabbing your palm into his. Playing every scenario before it happened. 

Safety. 

Yet on nights like this, it was like it always was. Drunk at a local arcade, faces flushed, out of breath as you played every game you could to try and beat the other. Flashbacks to your time in your home town at the rundown arcade that you all frequented because there really wasn’t much else to do around there.

As you all grew older, underage drinking to make the night more fun was a right of passage. Sneaking liquor from anyone's parents' cabinets to make the evening more interesting. Now that you were well past the legal drinking age, things still hadn’t changed. 

You were still standing at the skeeball game, dexterity way off as Josh hustled to throw as many balls as he possibly could to beat you. Even as off as you were, you were still beating him by hundreds. When his eyes skirted over to glimpse at your astronomical score, he scoffed.

Snatching every ball from your hands despite your minimal effort to keep hold of them, he grabbed all of his as well, climbing up the small runway to get better access to the holes, dropping all of the balls into the highest score. 

“Cheater! Fre-freaking cheater!” Josh climbed down as one of the employees yelled across the floor for him to get down from the game, shrugging with an all knowing smirk as the tickets cascaded out from the machine, hands on his hips. “Don’t be je-jealous that you didn’t think of it first.” 

Overtly rolling your eyes, you watched as the tickets continued coming, pouting slightly. “I don’t need to cheat to beat you. I’m pure raw talent, babes.” As you spoke, his gaze never left you, entirely enamored with your aura that naturally radiated when you were full of pure joy. It was like it encompassed you and all around you, touching and grazing those surrounding you. 

His hands mindlessly touched his mala beads, trying to ground him back to reality. Blinking rapidly as your eyes fell to him, contentedness flowed from your head to your toes, instantly relaxing and feeling the rigidity of your nervous system release. 

“Would you-do you want to get out of here?” His eyes had narrowed ever so slightly, noticing the miniscule shift of his pupils widening, hands leaving his pockets and offering you one. Swallowing thickly, you nodded, never having felt so sure of a decision in your life. 

The second you were back at Josh’s house, he wasn’t in a rush. He took his time walking around his home, flicking lights on as he went. You trailed him like a lost dog, not sure where he wanted you or what was really happening. 

When he finally turned around, facing you, a lazy smirk graced his lips. “Alright, gorgeous. Come here,” you instantly traveled to him. Your hands rested on his waist, right above his pants, the warmth from his stomach sweltering against your hands. 

His hands caressed your cheeks, meeting you halfway as his plush lips pushed on yours. It was slow, sensual, deep. His hands moved further up, having your strands of hair flow between his knuckles. Yet, he didn’t tug or pull, barely offering a light massage to your scalp.

Eyes fluttering at the movement, it felt heavenly as his nails scratched along your scalp. Never breaking the kiss, your tongue explored every crevice of his parted mouth. Wanting to commit every inch of him to memory. 

Your hands bunched his shirt, hands making small fists as you did. As your breathing grew shallower, he pulled back much to your dismay. Josh removed his hands from your hair, taking your hand in his and silently leading you towards his room down the hallway.

The candles he had lit when you arrived home were burning, flickering against the darkness that drenched the room. Josh sat on his bed, hooded eyes peering up at your figure that towered over him in the moment. 

It was a silent question, asking if you wanted to continue on with this. Your hands enclosed around his, leading them to the hem of your dress. He took the invitation, removing it from you and gawking at what stood before him entirely nude.

No undergarments were worn tonight, much to the shock of Josh. His mouth was gaping like a fish, eyes blown wide. Wider than his normal astronomical size. His erection straining against the tightness of his pants.

His cold hands found the dip in your waist, tugging you towards him. Pressing gentle, featherlight kisses to your rib cage, dancing dangerously close to the underside of your breast. 

Your head fell back, hands tangling into the lush hair at the nape of his neck, his lips finally reaching where you were on the verge of begging him to get to.

Moistened lips brushed over your hardened nipples, eliciting a strong gasp from you. Desperate for anything he would give you, just wanting to be touched. With your eyes still squeezed shut, his mouth enclosed around your nipple, sucking it in between his teeth.

A choked moan echoed out into the room, fingers tightening around the hair you had in your grasp. Josh’s hand roamed your body, starting at your waist, but quickly trailing further. 

Fingertips brushed against your mound, your hips bucking at the motion. Eyes opening and giving him a pleading look, he quickly dipped his fingers between your soaked lips.

His own eyes fell shut when he felt the arousal that coated your pussy, making a sticky mess of his hand. He didn’t give a single damn, it was the sexiest thing he had ever felt in his life. 

Still suckling at your breast, every so often switching between tits, his fingers made steady work of your clit. Rubbing tight circles on the nub, your hips jerking to meet his movements. 

Your breathy moans were continuously falling from your lips, fingernails digging into the taut muscle of his shoulders. No words were uttered between you two as you reached your first finish of the evening.

Knees nearly giving out beneath you, he rode you threw it before gently leading you to the mattress. You laid flat, instantly letting your legs fall open, displaying yourself for him to admire. 

Admire he did. Awestruck at the gorgeous women, patiently waiting for his next move, whatever he wanted or needed to do. Watching every move he made, he undressed for you. Not making a show of the action, but knowing that you were intently observing him.

As his boxer briefs came down, your lips were slightly parted. You didn’t even care that you were so blatantly staring at him because all you could think about was how desperately you wanted him in you.

Josh nodded at you, his own hand wrapping around his length. “Touch yourself.” You stuck two fingers into your mouth, wetting them before trailing them down your body, setting onto your sensitive clit.

Your free hand kneaded at your breast, pinching your nipple between your fingers. Josh stroked himself, eyes wild with lust as he groaned, watching your fingers sink into your slit. 

“Josh, I ne-need,” you were stumbling over your words, not able to form an actual sentence. He encouraged you to continue, the sounds of his movements amplified. “What do you need, pretty girl? Hmm, what do you need?” 

It was genuine, him asking. Your eyes opened, taking in the godly sight of his naked frame, stroking himself, watching you in this erotic position.

“Fuck me. Please,” you didn’t have a millisecond to prepare because he was on you. Eyes on his cock, tip swollen and glistening with precum, he breached your entrance. Your stiffened body went lax, fully resting back on the mattress as he sank inch by inch. 

When he reached the base, his body spasmed. Feeling like you were choking on air, Josh started his pace, trying to get his bearings. You had no idea how long he had been fucking you, but at some point it came to an end.

No recollection of the finish for either of you, you could feel the remnants of your orgasm in your muscles. As Josh pulled you into his embrace, you fell asleep far too fast, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care that the sheets were near soaking wet. 

You were left shell shocked. The entire experience had rattled you to your core. It was meeting an entirely different person and version of Josh. An intimate sector that was only reserved for an incredibly select few that he deemed worthy enough of meeting. It was a being you would never tire of encountering. You wanted to remain in his embrace for as long as possible. 

Instead, your meet and greet was cut short when his phone rang. Duty calls and as you clambered out of his bed, redressed, and let him tug you into a gentle reminder of what had happened the night before, you trekked home. 

Literally walking on air. That was how you could describe the following days. A changed woman after the memorable first date with Josh. One that you would cherish for the rest of your life. Having him treat you like an absolute goddess, worshiping you like you could alter the course of the universe if you truly wanted to. 

It was empowering.

Daily texts and calls from him riddled your phone, igniting a fire in your belly whenever he would pop up on your screen. Letting you know that he was thinking of you. That you were truly all he could think about. Having hexed him in some way to not let his thoughts alter to anything other than you. It was driving him wild. He needed more. 

You wanted more. Craved more. But he would have to wait just a bit longer. Because Danny was standing in your doorway, capturing any and all breath from your lungs as you peered up at him, taking in the sheer size of the man. He entirely dwarfed the door. 

Intimidating. 

The bowl of grapes in your hand became loose, nearly letting the porcelain fall to the floor. You had no idea how long you two stood there, taking one another in before you snapped to your senses and began scuttering about. 

“Hi-hi! I’m sorry, come in come in. Let me just-” you went to set the bowl down, but turned on your heel and faced the boy, “Do you want some grapes? They’re the cotton candy ones from Trader Joes.” He was fighting a smirk, observing how flustered and nervous you were in his presence. 

Shaking his head, perfect curls moving with him, his eyes never left your figure as it waltzed around the room. Obviously avoiding close contact with him. “No, I’m good. Thank you though.” You had already put the grapes back in the fridge before he could even respond, simply trying to busy yourself. 

After organizing the stack of mail on the counter in front of you, your eyes finally met his again and beamed a nervous smile. “What can I do you for?” It was adorable how jittery you were. Watching as the slight shake in your hands was nearly masked by the continuous movement, but he caught it. 

Leaning on the counter, both of his incredibly large hands holding onto the other forearm, you could smell the coconut of his curling cream, the dizzying musk of his cologne. It had you unbelievably flustered. “I’m taking you out.” 

Only able to blink back at him, a blank expression decorating your face, you didn’t know how to respond. “Is this your way of asking me?” You finally choked out, a small laugh following. 

Nodding and standing back up to his full height, your eyes followed him. “Yes. Friday or Saturday? You get that choice.” He winked at you, clearly teasing, but it had you biting your cheek. Wanting to give a smart ass response, you swallowed it down. 

Speaking through mainly gritted teeth, your eyes met his. “Saturday night works,” he instantly turned and walked back to your front door, leaving it at that. You called out after him, jaw nearly hitting the floor as he opened your front door, halfway out.

“This could’ve been a text!” He leaned back in, not turning to face you, but looked upon you like you were certified crazy. “And miss seeing my girl? Absolutely not. Saturday at nine, I’ll pick you up.” 

My girl. 

The words sat heavy on you for the remainder of the week until the day had arrived. Keeping the facts to yourself about seemingly dating both of them at the same time, you stared at the pile of clothes on your bed. 

You had texted Danny and asked him what the attire of the night was. Honestly, you had been slightly underdressed for Josh’s evening out and you didn’t want a repeat of that. All he had responded with was casual. 

What the hell? It was so vague. Offering no sense of direction whatsoever. You knew Danny’s usual garb shifted from muscle tanks and skinny jeans to looking like he had just stepped out of a 1980’s romcom, sweater and light wash jeans adorned. 

It was a tossup. So, you went with what you knew. Casual, comfortable, what you tend to wear on a daily basis. You hit the nail on the head because when you opened the door for Danny, he stood there with a combination of his attire. 

Dark wash skin tight jeans, a sweater, vintage sneakers, and sunglasses perched atop his head despite the late hour. His hair styled absolutely perfect. A light smudge of eyeliner. A rockstar stood before you ready to take you out on a date. 

Anxious.

“C’mon pretty girl, we have a reservation to make.” He offered his arm to you which you gladly took to steady yourself on jello legs, but you grabbed on to solid muscle. Muscle that had never been there before and you weren’t expecting to be there hidden beneath the bulky contents of his sweater. 

Your widened eyes peered up at him, unable to stop the words before they left your mouth. “Since when are you so-so ripped?” His piercing gaze smoldered through your own. “All I do is work out my arms every single day for hours on end.” 

Forcing yourself to remain cool and like those simple words hadn’t nearly turned you to absolute mush, you knew your next move would set the course for the night. Shrugging, you looked away towards the elevator doors that were bound to open any second. “I liked it better when you were scrawny.” The doors opened as you finished, letting his arm go and stepping into the elevator, looking at him with a disinterested, unimpressed look. 

He shook his head as he followed you in, a shocked laugh falling from his lips as he stood directly next to you, arm brushing your own. “Oh, belly. Same snarky attitude as always, huh?”

Danny was a dirty dirty liar. This place absolutely did not need a reservation. There wasn’t even a host. It was a seat yourself establishment, if you could call it that, which left peanut shells sticking to the bottoms of your shoes as you walked towards a high top table with your date. 

Being the true gentleman he is, he pulled the metal chair out, the screech hardly being heard over the loud music bouncing off the walls. The place was jammed, you were honestly surprised there was even a table open. He handed you the menu which had already been waiting on the table, and pointed at his suggestion. 

“We’re going to get two of those. They’re the best burger you’ll ever have in your life. They make their own potato chips in house or you can get their curly fries-” he spoke so easily, eyeing the singular menu as he spoke, leaning in unbearably close to you, “Oh, Sheryl!” The older waitress rolled her eyes at the source of the yell.

She walked over to the table, slapping down her notepad and squeezing Danny’s hand. “Was wondering when I’d see this troublemaker again. Hi, honey. A pitcher and two phat jack burgers?” Danny confirmed, looking over to you and seeing the smirk forming on your lips as you side eyed him.

When she asked about the side, his eyes didn’t leave yours, eyebrows raising in question, silently asking you what you wanted. The smile continued to grow on your face as you gave a small shrug, hands coming up in silent surrender. Danny turned back to the waitress who you now knew was Sheryl and said one curly fries one chips.

As she left, he leaned back in his chair and gave a bright smile. “That way you can try both.” Your smile couldn’t leave your face as you moved closer to the table and chuckled. “Very considerate of you.”

A comfortable silence fell over you both as you took in the pub he had taken you to. It was very dim, the only lighting really came from the hundreds of Christmas lights that adorned the scaffolding and were stapled to the walls. Peanut shells littered the floor, not allowing any of the actual flooring to be visible. The walls held many posters of every genre of music you could think of, movies from each decade, photos of random strangers who would take the time to paste up their own memory. There were many tables, some high tops, others actual low tables that could seat as few as one to as many as an entourage. An actual bar sat against the middle wall that was packed with people. Music carried through the building. 

Sheryl snapped you back to the moment when she slapped down a large pitcher of beer, two chilled mugs, and a bucket of peanuts. She didn’t utter another word as she turned and went towards another table that called out for her attention. 

“Okay, what do you think?” Danny asked as he poured the honey colored liquid into the glasses, sliding one in your direction before grabbing a handful of peanuts and unshelling them. You followed his motions, trying to eye him as discreetly as you could. “It’s nice.” He rolled his eyes as he took a swig, slamming the mug onto the table.

“You gotta give me more than that! Really, what’s your first impression?” You giggled as you popped a couple peanuts in your mouth, drinking from your ice cold glass and took just a moment to truly look. 

The multicolored lights highlighted his black locks. Beaming since you had entered and taking a table so easily, you knew he frequented here often. His entire vibe was as relaxed as possible. Not feeling the need to do too much. They even knew him by name and his exact order. He almost faded into the background of the restaurant. Like this place was built for him. 

“It’s…you.” Your hands were wrapped around your mug, feeling the chill of the glass burn into your hands. His eyes didn’t part from yours for just a beat too long, cheeks tinting just lightly at your words. Knowing they were a compliment. Watching as his eyes fell down towards the table, his face contorted. 

Matching where his eyes now rested, you watched as his hand reached out and swiped the peanut shells off the table and onto the floor. “I brought you here to my place, now act like you belong for god's sake.” Your mouth fell open at his joking tone, laughter shaking your body at him. “Hey!”

He chugged from his glass, eyes glittering with something you couldn’t quite place. It remained that way the rest of the night. You haven't the faintest idea how much beer you had drunk with Danny, but it was the best beer you had ever had. When Sheryl had come back and placed down the biggest burger you had ever seen in your life, Danny nodded enthusiastically at your reaction.

Between the chortling that left your sides aching from stories shared, feeling like you were literally going to explode from the amount you had eaten, and the light buzz from the beer, it was a fantastic night. All nerves had dissipated the moment things had shifted. To where you felt like you were sitting in the garage with Danny again. Going back to the roots of your friendship. 

Danny.

“You better finish it! C’mon that’s like two more bites max. Finish it, they don’t have to-go boxes.” He was cackling between his words, mouth stuffed with food as he pointed to your plate. Groaning but following his orders, you stuffed the last of the burger into your mouth despite every urge telling you to spit it out. 

When you swallowed, with the help of another mouthful of beer, Danny cheered. His arms shot up, napkin in hand being thrown before they came back down and beat on the table in celebration, whooping and cheering. Collapsing back in your chair, your hands cradled your too full stomach. 

Sheryl came over as you giggled, Danny about to talk again, but halted his sentence as she spoke. “Well, I was going to offer a to-go box, but looks like you were able to get it all down.” She grabbed the now empty plate from in front of you as you shot daggers at your date. 

“You fucking liar!” Not able to keep your serious face, a massive grin broke out as he laughed his ass off. Music to your ears. Having been deprived of it for too long, chershing the sound as it washed over you in waves. Danny left cash on the table, hopping down from his seat, not missing a beat as he took your hand in his and quickly led you out. 

The cool evening air squashed the rising temperature your body had endured from the hot stifled air of the bar. Your eyes drifted shut, taking in a deep breath, still being dragged by the tall boy. Your fingers laced together with his, beginning to walk around the vibrant downtown night scene you had never seen before.

“Where are we?” You finally asked, looking around and trying to get your bearings. He took in a deep breath, a small smile breaking across his face. Prideful of the little piece of a haven he had scouted. “We are in a town a bit over from where we call home. I refuse to share the name because it is my spot and I don’t need you going home and blasting it around to everyone.” 

Tilting your chin down and halting in your spot, your eyes narrowed. “You know that all I have to do is check the weather on my phone and it’ll give me the exact location.” Danny scooted closer to you, bending over, coming nose to nose with you. “Ah, but I know you wouldn’t do that. Not my belly girl.” 

It took every ounce of strength you had to turn away from him, his lips having been millimeters from your own. It would’ve been so easy to just hardly lean forward and capture your own with his. Danny wanted to more than anything, but couldn’t fight off the smile that broke across his face as you quickly turned and continued walking, leaving him as still as a statue.

Turning when you realized he hadn’t moved, your face looked at him expectantly. “Well, come on! Show me around,” you rolled your eyes, a smile hidden on your lips as Danny slowly walked over to you. His arm circled around your waist, tugging you into his side as he continued walking you around the vibrant downtown. 

As the night dwindled down, Danny’s car sat in the twenty minute guest parking spot in front of your building as he walked you back to your home. Both of you tried to keep your clearly tipsy giggles on a lower volume given the incredibly late hour for the decency of your neighbors. When you stood in front of your door, your lazy smile greeted Danny as your neck lightly tipped back to truly keep eye contact. 

The hand that held yours ever so slightly squeezed your warm hand, your free one made the journey from your side to the back of Danny’s neck. Landing on the smooth skin, under the thick locks, you brought him down to meet you for the first time. The second his lips brushed against your own, you felt the air get zapped from your lungs.

A gasp emitted from you as his arms circled around your waist, pulling you towards him as the kiss grew deeper, needy. Back arching into his firm torso, both arms now wrapped around his neck, wanting him as close as possible. When you parted, both breathing heavy, pupils blown out, your hands cradled his face. Pushing the locks from his porcelain skin, features sharper than ever, the tremble in your hands was nonexistent. 

“Do you-do you wanna come in?” It was spoken so softly that it passed from your lips directly into his. Instead of a vocal response, he closed the gap between you both again. The sloppy kiss had you gasping for air as your front door flew open, Danny shoving you against the wall, lips attacking your neck.

Hardly able to catch your breath, you spoke through pants. “Dan-Danny. Ca-car. Your car,” he only hummed, bringing his mouth back to yours and effectively shut you up. “Twenty minute parking,” you mumbled against him. 

Shaking his head, his larger hands threaded through your locks, tugging your head back with a low moan emitting from you. “Let them fucking tow it,” his hands moved to land under your thighs, squeezing the supple flesh, giving you your next move. 

As you hopped, he caught you with ease. Your hands clawed at his sweater, removing it as quickly as you could. He didn’t even try to make it to your room, instead landing you on the couch. Not parting, he leaned down with you, only momentarily breaking to get you both fully undressed.

It was a mess of limbs and skin, teeth biting any flesh they could sink into, not wanting to wait another minute. He practically impaled you on his cock, knocking the wind from you. Holding onto his shoulders, he set a punishing pace.

You were on the verge of screaming into the room, not giving a damn about your neighbors. His thrusts so deep and hard that your couch was shifting with every move he made. In no time at all, your couch hit the wall, thumping into it as he continued on.

His thumb pushed down on your clit, a bead of spit falling from his lips to the nub, causing you to gutturally moan at the sight. The coil in your stomach snapped with no warning, no massive build up, it just happened.

Blinding you, you felt a rush of liquid leave your cunt, Danny almost, almost, stopping at the sight. “Holy fuck you just-,” you couldn’t even begin to form an understanding of what he was trying to say. 

He pulled out of you seconds later, releasing over your bare chest, stroking himself through his finish. Your eyes connected with his, your finger dipping into the seed and lifting it to your mouth. Danny moaned, grabbing you by the back of the neck and smashing his lips to yours in a greedy, possessive meeting. 

Catching your breath, your legs wobbled, entirely unsteady as he led you to your room. Sparing a glance back to the couch, you saw the monstrous wet spot that you left in your wake. 

He had made you squirt. You didn’t even know you could do that. His eyes followed where yours laid and tugged your arm to get your attention back to him. “Think you can do it again?” Determination set on his beautiful face. 

What is the next step in life when your dreams come true? No, really. What the hell are you actually supposed to do? Both of these men who you had fawned over, dreamed over, ached over had displayed themselves to you in ways you couldn’t even imagine. Your heart was bleeding from the amount of emotion it had taken in just a few weeks' span. At insanely different points in your life you had really dreamt of what your world and life would be like if you were involved with them. Now that you actually were, you had no idea what to do. 

Possibilities of extremely varying degrees laid before you with whatever choice you were destined to make. Right now, though, you weren’t having to make that choice. No, right now you were able to enjoy them both and see what they were going to be for you. The split road and its calling decision would come later. Just not now. 

Because right now you were tangled in Josh’s sheets that smelled like patchouli and lavender, his warm hands trailing along the bare skin that writhed beneath him after another night spent together. The calm, content smile that permanently seemed to be stitched to your face around Josh, greeted him as he finally approached you after traveling the expanse of your body. 

“Hello gorgeous,” he mumbled as he connected to your lips, facial hair tickling you as he did. Your hands left the tangled sheets, getting lost in his extremely messy hair, pulling him closer to you as you did. “Mmm, hi,” it was breathless and tired, having just woken up minutes ago. 

His rosy cheeks were full from the large grin on his face. Laying himself on top of you, it was like a weighted blanket encompassing you. Lips landed on your chest, arms, shoulder, neck, jaw, anywhere he could reach. “You’re so beautiful, you know that, belly?” Heat rose at his words, your hands cradling his jaw as his eyes bore into yours. 

“Take me to breakfast,” you murmured as you kissed his cheek. His body shook with laughter, propelling himself up from the bed, nude body on full display as he walked to the restroom. When he emerged fully dressed, hair not even slightly tamed, he watched as you dressed yourself. 

Two arms closed around you from behind, lips chillingly close to your ear as he all but moaned into it. “Or how about I go make a piece of toast, you get back into that bed, and we carry over last night's activities into today. Hmm, how does that sound, pretty mama?” You almost gave in, weighing the option given to you, but you rolled your eyes at the pet name, shrugging his arms off of you.

“Nearly had me there up until the Elvis impersonation.” His hands landed on his hips, staring at you with a puzzled look. One thumb brushed his full bottom lip, entirely too confused at your reaction. “Really? That doesn’t work for you? Typically girls are falling over themselves when I say that.”

Narrowing your eyes to slits, pointing a shoe in his direction, you spoke with a cautionary tone for him. “Watch yourself, pretty boy. Skating on thin ice,” his eyes lit up at your words, a realization dawning on him at your reaction.

Tsking, you watched his demeanor shift, waking something up deep in your lower belly. “Ah, that’s what it is,” his voice had gone down an octave, approaching you, one hand gently cupping your cheek as he peered at you, a slight pout perched on his lips. 

“Pretty girl gets jealous,” when you went to object to such a ridiculous claim, his hand firmed up, tilting your head to the side, effectively shutting you up. His lips attached to your neck, biting an already tender spot from the night before. When you gasped, his tongue pressed against the spot, doing his best to offer a remedy to the wonderful pain. 

His lips crested the shell of your ear as he spoke again, your eyes fluttering shut. “Okay baby, I’m so sorry. Let me show you that you’re my only girl, yeah?” Nodding at his words, you felt his smirk grow. One side tilted up, the cockiest motherfucker you had ever laid eyes upon stood before you. 

Josh’s hands left you, taking a step back and removing his string of mala beads. He raised his eyebrows expectantly at your hands, “Prayer formation.” Confusion etched across your face, but did as he said.

He wrapped the long thread of beads around your hands, trapping them in place. He moved swiftly, taking the easy garments off your body. As you stood bare before him, he nudged you towards the unmade bed.

Gingerly laying down, his hands trailed from your ankles to your thighs, parting your legs for him. He sighed, a near breath of relief at the vision before him. “You’re going to say my gratitude meditation script while I make you cum. The second you mess it up, you start over.” 

Eyes widening at him, he tossed his notebook over to you, page opened to the lines you needed to recite. The twelve lines appeared easy enough, able to be seen if you turned your head fully over to peer at them.

“Begin.” Josh commanded. You started, but stuttered as his tongue flattened on your mound. Pulling back, he slapped your thigh, making you look back at him. “Start over.” 

That was how you spent the remainder of your morning with him. Heaven.  

Guilt is a horrible thing to grapple with. It can consume you, take over every waking and sleep ridden thought you have. Ruining lives, really. It was what guilt did. That was its entire thing. So, why didn’t you feel even an ounce of guilt as another orgasm took over your body, contracting every muscle in your body from head to toe, brought on by another man? 

Danny’s incredibly disrupted curls brushed against the softness of your inner thigh. Another earth shattering finish had you gasping for air. When you finally had the miniscule amount of energy to let your eyes look down and meet his, they were fogged over, hooded as he observed you like his fucking prey. They were dark, so dark. Darker than you had ever seen before. 

Looking at you through his long lashes had a chill running down your spine as he pulled himself up despite wanting to live between your legs for the rest of his life. His calloused hands were rough as they went from massaging the supple flesh along your frame to enclosing around a lock of hair and pulling harshly, forcing you to sit up and meet him. 

“Open,” you immediately did as he said. Jaw falling slack, his fingers pinched the end of your tongue, pulling it out to fully extend from your mouth. His own lips parted, a string of spit departed from his mouth landing soundly on your tongue. A choked moan echoed from your throat as you tasted the mixture of your own release and him cascading down your throat. 

Roughly landing his mouth on yours, he released a groan that rumbled in his chest. “Good girl,” you preened at the words. Your limp body collapsed back onto the mattress, feeling how quickly your eyes drooped. His warmth didn’t join you right away. 

Honestly, you weren’t sure how long he had been gone, teetering on the brink of unconsciousness, but you felt your body get pulled up. A strong, firm body slid behind you, letting you rest fully against his torso. When you felt something warm at your lips, you groaned, trying to get away from it, but he wasn’t having it.

“Uh uh. Drink it,” his words vibrated his chest, pressed against your back. Giving in, you let the mystery liquid trickle into your mouth. A heavy sigh followed as the hot chocolate danced across your taste buds. “I know you’re too tired to eat, so this’ll have to do for now until I can get some food in you, baby.” 

Nodding in agreement, you downed the scalding drink far too quickly. Turning in his arms and forcing him to lay down, you rested your head on his chest. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat grew more distant the more you fell into the grasp of sleep.

As Danny’s arms tightened around you, hands trailing across the naked skin, your thoughts were riddled with how incredibly perfect this was. Everything you had ever thought of couldn’t even begin to compare to the truth of how this was. Exceeding any and all expectations that had ever been set by you.

You just hoped this wouldn’t come crashing down too quickly. 

One thing you loved about Josh’s home was that it truly looked like it belonged in Architectural Digest. The exposed wood that covered the cabinesque style home from inside out, the nature scape that adorned the property line, the perfectly styled interior. It was almost scary to touch anything, but it yelled Josh.

Sitting on his couch that was probably worth what you made in a year, leaning into his side as you giggled about watching another Wes Anderson flick after seeing two already, Josh’s hand covered your eyes. He snickered beside you as he secretly picked the next film to watch. 

“Okay. Put in your guess now. Which one did I pick?” Thinking about the two you had already seen tonight, you thought long and hard, eyelashes fluttering against his palm, positively tickling him. “Final guess going in…Isle of Dogs.” You said it as sure as you could despite knowing the chance was slim. 

He scoffed, pulling his hand away and seeing the opening scenescape for Isle of Dogs. “Cheater! You saw,” you pinched his side, hand shifting under the blanket as you did. He giggled, ruffling your hair, tugging you to lay back down in his embrace. 

Your hand wandered aimlessly under the blanket, cupping his semi-hard cock over his sweats. His body tensed as you lightly moved your hand, wanting to wake him up. “Belly.” It was spoken as a warning. 

Not responding to it, you continued your residual movements. It didn’t take long for him to become achingly hard underneath your palm. Taking it as your invitation, your hand slipped under the band of his pants, meeting the soft skin of him.

Starting slow strokes, you just wanted to feel him in your hand. His head began leaking his arousal, your eyes finally departing the screen to see him struggling to hold his attention to the movie. He met your look and you offered an innocent smile.

You kept that up for just a few minutes more before you decided to stop teasing. Shifting to lay on your stomach, directly between his legs, his dick met your gaze.

Josh could only watch as you welcomed him into the warm, wet embrace of your mouth. Taking him quickly, his tip scraped the back of your throat. He choked on a moan, head tipping back. 

Hands grabbed at your hair, keeping it out of the way of your work. As you bobbed, hands working what your mouth couldn’t fully reach, your other cradled his balls.

They tightened, his muttering moans and pleas coming to a halt as he released in your mouth. His cock twitched in your mouth, swallowing his entire release. Popping off of him when you knew he had been milked for all he was worth, you beamed at him. 

“Bell-belly,” his words were spoken in a singular breath. Trying to catch it after a powerful orgasm, cheeks crimson red, he pulled you back up to reach him. His hungry lips devoured yours, not caring that teeth were hitting teeth, trembling hands trying to keep you as close as possible. 

Shaky intakes of breath, clouded mind, he didn’t care. He had to tell you. Right then and there. “Belly, I love you. Fuck, I’m so in love with you.” When you pulled back to see him, observing the rapid rising and falling of his chest, eyes glossy with pupils blown wide. 

“Wha-what?” Hands rubbing your cheeks and neck, shaking his head slightly, he swallowed thickly before talking again. “I love you. I’ve been in love with you for-for so long. We’re so good together, honey. We work! I need you. I want you to be mine and only mine. You-you’re perfect, belly. I have to have you. I love you.” The entirety of his speech, he sounded like he was on the verge of tears. 

Adams apple bobbing as he tried to contain his emotions. Raw and near the edge of a breakdown, you didn’t know how to respond. It wasn’t time, not yet. Your hands gripped his wrists, hands still holding your head in place, resting his forehead against yours. “Jo-Josh, you-I can-I need more time. Give me just-just a couple days to get every-everything sorted, yeah?” 

Pleading, you were begging him. He could hear it by the wavering tone in your voice. The ball lounged deep in your throat that you were fighting further down. Hands leaving his wrists, your own cupped his cheeks. Thumbs rubbing against the smooth, warm skin. “Pl-please?” Leaning in, you captured his lips. 

At first, they didn’t respond, but as you felt the sheer panic bubbling up, his pressed into your own. “Okay.” It was all he said as he broke apart, lips landing on your forehead. Your eyes squeezed shut, trying to fight the inner turmoil surfacing for the first time since this had all started. 

You left Josh’s house that night. Unsure of what you were supposed to do. When you came to the stoplight that you only needed to turn right to in order to get to your house, you veered off, turning left and continuing straight down the road.

Danny opened his front door, loungewear on, a surprised, but excited reaction greeting you. “I know I didn’t call, but-” he immediately cut you off, arm wrapping securely around your waist and bringing you to him. Moaning into his mouth, both of your hands held his cheeks as he pulled back, resting his forehead against yours.

“Don’t ever apologize for coming to see me. I missed you,” he pecked your lips again, ushering you into his home. All you needed to do was forget the events from earlier this evening. Not ready to deal with the truth of the situation at hand. It wasn’t time. 

You were tipsy, head starting to buzz with a clouded happiness as you danced around Danny’s living room. One of your favorite songs blasted through his speakers. He was resting on his sofa, tender gaze following your every movement as he admired your carefree attitude. Nursing his beer, his eyes darted down to the corner of the coffee table that you were getting too close to. 

“Bab-” as he went to warn you, it proved too late. Your shin caught right on the sharp edge, cutting into the flesh, blood instantly trickling down your leg. “Ow!” You yelped, going to grab the wound, but Danny was faster. 

His hands grabbed your calve, turning your leg to fully face him, his muscle tank discarded and in a bunch, now pressed firmly against the gushing wound. “Alright, come on you clutz,” he sighed with a chuckle, lifting you bridal style into his arms. Another yelp escaped your throat at the sudden movement. Danny walked into the kitchen, sat you on the counter, turned and grabbed the first aid kit from under the sink.

“Keep that held tight to it,” he instructed as he dug through the box. “It looks worse than it feels. Promise,” you spoke out, lifting the shirt away from the cut to observe the damage. He hummed in response, coming back to where you sat atop his counters. Danny’s features somehow seemed to grow sharper as he fell into concentration.

His curls were held back by a loose ponytail tonight, some face framing pieces that you weren’t entirely sure he meant to have out or not drew your attention. Wrapping the coil around your finger you sighed. “So, you’re a rockstar and a nurse? What can’t you do Mr. Wagner?” He chuckled, eyes quickly looking you over before he shrugged. 

“Not much. I do have a favorite thing I like to do, though,” you smiled, feeling the neosporin being spread on the cut. “Oh yeah? What’s that?” He smirked, lightly tapping your chin, kissing the tip of your nose, turning his attention back to his work. “You, baby. All time favorite activity right there.” 

Your head fell back, cackling at the cliche. “God that was so lame!” His shoulders shook as he finished up, placing a large bandaid over the cut. After discarding the trash he turned his attention fully back to you.“That was on you. You walked right into it!” His hands rested on either side of your frame, flat palmed on the counter. 

“Don’t blame that on me! I’m not the one who said the stupid line,” his eyes darkened as he held eye contact with you. His hands moved from the counter to the tops of your thighs. “Mhm. Did it work though?” 

Leaning towards you, nose brushing against yours, stealing the air from your lungs, your eyelashes fluttered. “N-no,” Danny barely nodded, lips ghosting over yours. A whimper escaped you, falling onto his waiting lips. “C’mere.” 

Arms encircling around his neck, you crushed him to you. His hands traveled up your thighs, holding firmly to your waist. It was a blur. Somehow moving from the kitchen to his bedroom. Sitting on his lap, naked sticky bodies meshing as one. Rolling your hips over his pelvis, cock rocking deep inside of you at the movement. 

Danny’s lips met every inch of skin he could. Hands splayed across your back, holding you to him, his hot tongue went across your shoulder to your neck. A slew of whimpers, moans, and panting filled the room, not even positive who they were coming from. 

When your head fell back, he took the opportunity to attack your neck. Trails of sloppy kisses across your throat and collarbones. “Oh-oh fuck. Danny, I’m-” he nodded, forehead resting against your chest, hands going to your hips and helping you pick up speed. 

“I know, baby. Come on, cum for me. All over me, cum for me,” your jaw opened, no noise coming from you as blinding heat pummeled you. As your cunt clenched and soaked him, he released in you with a groan. Both of your bodies tensed before becoming boneless against one another. Using each other as support to remain up. 

Neither of you went to move, just staying this way for a moment longer. Trying to slow your increased pulse down, let your lungs refill with any air you could get, sweat dripping down the center of your spine. You were entirely unsure where you ended and he began. 

Danny refused to let you go. His hands still held you, tight grip slowly releasing as he began rubbing at your tender flesh where his hand prints would be left the next day. Placing kiss after kiss on your lips, your trembling frame came back down. 

Staring into his eyes was basically hearing him scream at you. It was him sharing it all with you. Leaving it out in the open for you to pick up and return. Too much. You closed your eyes, feeling the warmth emanate from him. 

“Hey,” he mumbled, placing a chaste kiss on your cheek, getting your attention back to him. “Let’s go shower, okay?” You nodded, hearing him chuckle as you didn’t move to climb off of him. His leg bounced under you, forcing your eyes open, a pout taking shape on your lips.

Groaning, your body felt weak, no strength remaining. Too tired to even try and move. “Baby, for us to go shower, you gotta get off,” you went even more limp in his arms. A silent protest. His hand swept the hair from your shoulders, placing a kiss on one of them, then the other. Continuing down both of your arms, each finger. It was an offer of motivation. 

It worked. Slinking off of him, you hissed at the sensation of his softened cock slipping from you. You didn’t sleep at Danny’s that night. No, you went home after cleaning up despite the continuous fight from him. As you stood in the steaming shower with him, reality was crashing down. 

Your thoughts riddled with Josh. Of the confession and feelings he had poured out to you just hours earlier. How you ran to Danny, who still couldn’t actually tell you how he felt. Josh, who felt things so deeply and profoundly he had no choice but to share them with you. They would eat him alive if he didn’t. 

Then there was Danny. Who at the beginning had told you there were some feelings there. Feelings he hadn’t ever leaned into, but that he knew were there. How he was finally starting to see you in the light you had wanted from your first meeting. The looks that Josh showered you in every single time he saw you. 

He wasn’t a talky person. You knew that when you stared into his eyes tonight, all of the emotions and feelings he had been tamping down were shouting at you. Letting you know that although he wasn’t saying them, they were there. He just didn’t know how to tell you. Josh did.

Were you imagining those looks? Filling in the gaps of some fantasy you had created to comfort yourself in the possibility of something with him. It was entirely possible. What you did know is that you weren’t imagining them with Josh. You knew that was how he looked at you, spoke to you, shared with you. It was all too much.

In far too deep with these boys in a situation you didn’t even get yourself into. It was something your best friends had done. Did you take it further than you should have? Reaping the rewards of having two incredibly amazing men who wanted you. In one way or another, they wanted you. You weren’t used to it.

That’s why it had been over a week since you had interacted with anyone. Refusing to speak to them, wanting to sort things out on your own. Yet the longer you spent dwelling on it, the more and more upset you became. With both of them for waiting so long to do something about their feelings for you and at yourself. For getting sucked in too deep and not being able to make a decision. A decision that should’ve been easy. 

Why couldn’t you fucking decide? 

It was the twentieth text from Danny that had your blood boiling so much, you stormed over to his house. Wanting to demand that he leave you alone, give you the space you needed to figure this out. Put an end to it. 

His door swung open, eyes fiery and upset as they laid on your figure. Jaw set, he motioned for you to come in. Standing on opposite sides of the room, his hands went up, silently asking you what had happened. 

“Haven’t heard from you all week. Josh hasn’t either,” he sniffed, clearly fighting off the anger that was coursing through him. “What’s going on, belly?” You sighed, nerves overtaking your body, sitting on the very edge of his couch. 

“I-I’m having to-I have to choose,” you bit out. It should’ve been clear to him what was happening, but he wanted you to explain it to him. He nodded, acting like it was incredibly obvious that it was time. “What-why can’t you choose? We’ve both dealt with you seeing both of us. We’ve given you the space to make up your mind. We cannot continue on this way. It’s killing us,” he was speaking for them both. 

You weren’t sure what he had said that set you off, but your eyes narrowed in his direction. Speaking through gritted teeth, your hands balled into fists. “Why can’t I choose?” He remained deadly silent, knowing you were going to explode. “I have been fucking in love with you since I was a child, Danny. Literally from the moment we met. You never even looked at me!”

Voice raising with each word, you were seeing red. “I dreamed of you seeing me like how I so badly wanted. Have you seen the way Josh looks at me?” Going quiet for a beat, you continued before he had the chance to respond, not wanting to hear him talk. “He treats me like I’m his entire fucking world! He’s done that for so long I don’t even know when it started.”

Tears were welling in your eyes, threatening to spill over at the guilt and exasperation coursing through you. “But I wasted so much time on you. Watching you, praying that you would just look at me. Now, I’m in this with both of you and I don’t know what to do. You’re seeing me, but you still can’t fucking tell me how you feel!” You didn’t care how pathetic you sounded, a sob falling from you as you looked at him. You wanted him to know the hurt he had caused you over the years. Whether he had known it was happening or not, you didn’t care. 

“So, do not tell me that I need to pick. Because you won’t like the choice I make.” It was spoken with pure honesty. Danny’s eyes shut, the answer seemingly laying right in front of him. It killed him. He held something in his hand, what you weren’t sure of, but he turned from you, throwing it at the wall. 

“Fuck!” He yelled, hands landing on top of his head. “I’m sorry, belly. I was a stupid kid that just didn’t know what to do. You’re right. I didn’t treat you like you deserved and I can’t change that. I know I fucked up, I know. I just-I care about you. So much. Just ten years too late, huh?”

Your tears still fell, Danny refusing to look you in the eye as he spoke. “I don’t know.” 

You sobbed the entire way home. When you arrived at your front door, there stood a vase filled with your favorite flowers. A large pink bow wrapped around the odd shaped, obviously thrifted vase. Sniffling, you knelt down, picking them up and seeing the hand written card sticking out from the midst of the bundle.

Tears continued their stream down your swollen cheeks, hiccuping on a cry as you read the note. 

Darling girl, 

I know we’ve put you in an incredibly complicated situation, but I hope you know that it’s been worth it. You’re worth it. I’d do it ten times over if it meant I got to know you in this way that I’ve only dreamed of. I’m here when you’re ready with whatever you decide. I love you.

Forever yours,

Joshua

The note was now stained as your tears poured onto the card. The shame overtaking your body as it slammed into you how much this boy truly loved you. Adored you. Admired you. He was able to show you in ways that you weren’t sure you could ever match. 

You didn’t deserve it. He lied in his note. If there was anyone who positively did not deserve the attention and intense feelings of these two immaculate men, it was you. Playing them both, dancing between sides, too many ties pulling you back. 

As you set the flowers on your kitchen counter, you saw the decorated envelope sitting on your entryway table. Your brows furrowed, wondering when the hell that had gotten there. It was sticking out of your bag. Shaky hands grabbed it, seeing a poorly scribbled sticky note on the front. 

YOU NEEDED A REMINDER OF WHY I’M IN THE FIGHT

Daniel Robert Wagner,

Where can I even begin? You have held my heart in your grasp in ways you will never understand. It all stems from that June summer day. Sam brought you into the group and it was like you had stolen all the air from lungs, becoming the air that I needed to breathe everyday. 

I’ve seen you shape and transform into an amazing person, still remaining true to your roots despite the ever growing stardom that is falling into your lap. I can’t wait to see what wondrous things you’re going to do. I hope I’m a part of the journey. I hope you’ll let me tag along.

Every time my eyes fall to you, it’s like I’m seeing you again for the very first time. I don’t expect that to change as we grow up. I live off the chance that one day, maybe you’ll see me like that, too. But in the meantime I will always be here, your personal cheerleader, on the sidelines as your number one fan.

I'll always be your fan. I’ve loved you since I’ve known you, holding onto faith that someday you’ll love me back. 

Forever and always yours,

Belly

You jumped up from your seat on the couch and ran into your room. Throwing open the closet door, you rooted through your belongings, tossing out items that were in your way until you saw it. 

There, tucked away in the back corner of the small closet, hidden behind a rack of shoes, sat another envelope. Another one you had entirely forgotten about. Your breath held tight in your throat, unsure of what to do with the baited air. Snatching it from its spot, the decorated paper stared back at you.

You never sealed the back, flipping it up and pulling out the pristine paper. It still smelled of the vanilla scent you had sprayed on it. Your signature scent in high school that had you cringing at the memory. Josh had complimented it on more than one occasion and you had worn it every day after that. 

Pounding on the front door, a summer storm raged outside. It poured like only a midwest storm could. Where the skies had been clear for minutes leading up to the dark clouds rolling in, torrential rain drenched anything in sight. You included. 

When his door opened, not expecting a visitor, your jaw was set, not wanting to play any games. Ready to end it. “You need to get inside!” He yelled over the thunder that cracked overhead. Without a second of hesitation, your sopping wet frame stepped inside. The familiar scent washing over you.

He disappeared, coming back moments later with towels. Nearly refusing to look in your eyes, he handed them off to you, turning on his heel and taking a stance just a few paces back. His intution told him he knew where this was going. 

“Tell me when.” You gritted out. He knew what you were asking, demanding. Having to lay it all out at that moment. Stumbling over his words, you spoke again. “Tell me why you want me.” His eyes snapped up to yours, glossy irises meeting you. 

His chin trembled as his lips parted to break the utter silence you waited in. Thunder still echoing outside, lightning igniting the space. “It’s you. You’ve been there. For everything, especially when others weren’t. I knew that all I had to do was pick up a phone and you-you’d be there in a heartbeat. You want to know when?”

An intake of breath as he grew more and more passionate, seeing as the tears freefall down your face, chin still up as he spoke. “It was when you were in my goddamn garage. You would come before the band just to see me.” The last word was uttered in disbelief. His own tears threaten to start falling. 

“You didn’t see it because I didn’t want you to. I was scared. But fuck, belly, it’s you. It’s always been you.” Your hand raised from your side, extending the envelope towards him. Letting him have the insight that you swore no one ever would.

Gingerly removing it from your grasp, he pulled the paper from the envelope and sat on his sofa. You stood rooted to your spot, watching his face to see the display of emotions he was bound to reveal. 

Danny,

This isn’t a formal letter. Not like the others I’ve written. Where I’ve put my soul's bearings onto parchment and sealed them away, for no other prying eyes to ever see again. I had to get this down. 

You looked at me today. 

Sitting in your garage, you gave me an impromptu drumming lesson. I only caught it briefly, in a passing moment. When my head had turned when you weren’t expecting it and caught your eyes watching me. In a way that was different from all the others. 

I didn’t realize it until I got home tonight, having been kicked out of the garage for super secret band practice (which is totally stupid by the way), but you did. I saw it. You looked at me. Thank you. For seeing me. 

People call me dumb, that I’m just a child who doesn’t understand what love is and what it can entail. But they're wrong. Because I know that it can be a spoken word or just a look shared in secret, but it doesn’t matter because it’s love. It’s in the way you look at me when you teach me how to play drums. 

It’s you, Danny. You’ll forever own a piece of my heart. No matter what. I love you. 

Belly

His arms sagged, nearly dropping the paper to the floor, staring at you in utter disbelief. “You don’t deserve me,” you whispered out, feeling everything crash to the surface at once. Danny stood, approaching you, but still keeping a hair of distance. 

Shaking his head, his red rimmed eyes bore into yours. “No, I don’t.” He was slowly inclining his head to yours, wanting to see if the message you were putting out was what he was reading. Not wanting to believe that this was actually happening. That the choice you had made was really him. The love you had harbored for him was true, not a dream he was chasing. That he would finally be ready to return it. After everything, you chose him.

“Take me to bed before you fuck it up.”