#anyways yeah i ended up turning this post into a self promo

[uncleskyrule]

i'm trying to double check my translation of my fanfic and Papago translator has decided to write its own plot 😂😂

This is a Pre-Calamity BotW enemies-to-lovers ballroom dancing oneshot!! The LoZ postman is nowhere in this fic!!! Where did he come from!!! Where would he even go!!! What possessed you to write this, Papago!!

[shining-magically]

so I’ve wondered this since the trailer came out years and years ago and Chloe defended the movie - was the red shoes teaser written by the same team that made the movie? were they forced to market it like that, was that based on an earlier draft, etc?? not sure if you know but you seem like the leading expert!

Sorry, this is gonna be an absolute novel because you know I’m an animation fan and the history and production of Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs is SO interesting and insane. Like, Tangled levels of insane. Thanks for calling me an expert, no one else was gonna do it so I just kind of took up the helm lol.

Here’s the low-down... The timeline of the movie’s production is an absolute mess and kind of an extremely wild ride. It was in production for ten years, went through a lot of different crew members, and went through at least two other major versions of the story before landing on the final version.

Since there’s not a ton of info on the movie’s production, a lot of this is pieced together from different interviews and context clues, and also a lot of what I’ve read and what I am quoting has been translated from Korean, sometimes pretty roughly. But yeah.

Here’s the story of why the Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs teasers and poster were so, so bad and fatshame-y and the actual movie was so, so good and body-positive. (With pictures and production artwork!)

(This is a beast of a post so I’m putting it under a cut.)

All right, so. After its conception originally as a short story by the South Korean studio Locus Creative in 2009-2010-ish, Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs was being worked on and was set to come out in Summer 2017, as evidenced by this poster at the 2015 Cannes Film Festival, featuring a different logo and very different character designs for most of the dwarfs.

In early-mid 2016, the first teaser (in which we see Snow White undress and then two dwarfs recoil in horror at her fatness when she takes her magic shoes off) was released, after the film had kind of been slowly chugging along for 6 or so years. (I am having such trouble pinpointing when the second teaser was released (in which one of the dwarfs basically attacks Snow while she is sleeping to steal her shoes), but I believe it was around the same time.) The teasers didn’t get that much traction because this was a small film from a small indie studio in South Korea.

None of the final actors had been cast yet. At this point in the production, the story was different, one of the many versions that the movie went through. As in the final movie, the dwarfs were actually cursed knights/princes and Snow White switched back and forth between two body types due to her magic shoes, but in this version, the dwarfs needed to steal the shoes from her in order to break their curse (rather than needing “a kiss from the most beautiful woman in the world” like in the final movie).

The weird thing is, I believe they had JUST changed the movie’s story when the teaser came out. I’m almost positive it was released more as a proof of concept than as an actual trailer for the movie. They had just recently combined two separate characters (seen above), a typical pretty, skinny princess character (Snow White) and a cute chubby girl character (’Bonnie’), into one single character that switches back and forth between the two appearances when she wears the magic shoes (also they had just dropped literally half of the movie taking place in the real world, with a magic mirror portal, it was a whole thing). 

They didn’t have the details of this aspect of the new story hammered out yet, and the first pass at presenting Snow’s magically changing body type, was, yeah, not good and super offensive. This was a really inexperienced indie studio making their first film on a low budget, so even the animation and voice acting wasn’t great. I think they just wanted to get SOMETHING out there because it had been 6 years and they wanted to have something to show for it.

But here’s the thing. Despite how the teasers make it seem, this was always supposed to be a movie about body positivity, letting go of appearance-based prejudices, and loving yourself and others for who you are and for who they are, which we see in the final film.

I like to think of our film as a kindhearted one. Our intentions are nice.

- Director Sung-ho Hong

It’s important to keep in mind that this movie was made in South Korea by a 99% Korean crew, and, as I understand it anyway, in Korean culture, ‘fatshaming’ is not really a thing that is seen as overtly offensive. Also, children’s media there seems to have more adult things in it than in the US, which probably accounts for the more risque parts of the teasers. That said, I really believe that at this point in the timeline, the movie was on-track to be bad (or at least not very good) when it was released, and it would have ended up bad IF a few key players hadn’t signed on (which I’ll get to in a moment).

Interestingly, the movie’s producer, Sujin Hwang, said in a 2017 interview:

“[Both teasers] were solely produced to induce curiosity. They’re completely irrelevant to the actual story.”

- Producer Sujin Hwang

I think what she was trying to convey was that neither one is a scene in the actual movie, because while the teasers didn’t reflect the revamped story as it existed in summer 2017 (the time of the interview), they DID reflect the earlier version of the story where the dwarfs wanted her shoes, which is what the story was at the time they were made.

Now that we’re in post-teaser 2016, HERE’S where things start to turn around. After the teasers were released, my guy Disney veteran and native Korean Jin Kim joined the project. He and Red Shoes director Sung-ho Hong had been buddies for about eight years and Sung-ho had been trying to get Jin to come to Seoul and work with him at Locus for a long time, and he finally succeeded.

Jin and his twenty years of Disney experience as an animator and senior designer on films like Tangled, Frozen, Big Hero 6, Zootopia, and Moana, had a HUGE HUGE HUGE influence on the movie. He redesigned almost all the characters, oversaw all the visual development from the moment he signed on, and heavily (HEAVILY) supervised the animation, literally going frame-by-frame through preliminary animations and drawing over them, teaching the inexperienced animators at Locus everything he knew. (Literally almost everyone except him either only had TV experience or had no professional experience because they just gotten out of school.)

From an outsider’s perspective, it really seems as though Jin joining the project (and his gargantuan effort) made the quality SKYROCKET. Not just in character design and animation, but also in things like effects animation, story, etc. After he joined, Locus really started pushing HARD to make a good, high-quality movie, and his influence and experience from being a prominent figure at Disney was absolutely key. The studio also began to really study Disney films and other well-made animated films from other studios to really try and pinpoint what the DNA of a good animated movie really is.

I don’t have any solid evidence, but I’m pretty sure that Tony Bancroft (an animator and the co-director of Mulan) then joined the project because he’s good friends with Jin Kim. He is only credited as the voice director (the movie was recorded in English and the characters were animated to the English dialogue), but I am SURE that he probably also had a pretty big influence on the movie, because like... How could he not? I really really think there was more to his role than his title would have you believe, even though there’s almost no info out there about it.

So now the movie goes through a gigantic metamorphosis. Character designs, visual development, and animation quality are all rapidly improving, the story is tightening, and the themes of the movie (which, again, were always the same and intended to be positive) are being presented in a more sincere way. The movie is becoming the sweet, self-love-encouraging and body-positive movie that was eventually released.

I’m putting a gif from the credits of the final movie here. As we move into 2017, when the giant eruption of backlash occurred, please keep in mind that the story was finalized at this point and that THIS was the movie people were so mad about:

Chloe Grace Moretz accepted the role of Snow White immediately after she read the script and she recorded her lines (I think) in early-ish 2017. Her co-star Sam Claflin also immediately accepted the role of the romantic interest, Merlin, after reading the script and recorded his lines in (I believe) July 2017.

In the summer of 2017, the story and script were more or less the same as in the final movie. Promotional images from that time show that most of dwarfs had been completely redesigned by this point and didn’t have their teaser designs anymore.

They also released a few screenshots that look exactly like the final film. The movie was advertised as coming out in ‘2018′ at this point. Here’s a promo image from 2017 that is MUCH more tactfully worded than the infamous Cannes poster:

So now we’re in summer 2017. The Cannes Film Festival. The movie’s script and story have been basically nailed down, animation is underway, and the Korean film company Finecut is beginning to market and sell the movie to worldwide audiences. They are planning on showing some footage to potential buyers at the festival, and they make a poster to advertise the film there.

Unfortunately, it’s THIS POSTER:

Now here’s where there are some unknowns. By this point, the movie is basically in its final form, which is an adorable, body-positive story about loving people for who they are, loving yourself for who YOU are, and that provides commentary on society’s standards of beauty and how they affect how people are treated/viewed. So why this poster??? All I can really tell is that someone (I think Finecut) really, REALLY messed up and either horribly mistranslated the tagline, or didn’t do enough research to know that this kind of thing is REALLY NOT OKAY in western culture.

The above picture is shared and the internet backlash begins, fueled by tweets from prominent body-positivity activists like Tess Holliday. Even Chloe Grace Moretz speaks out against it, because she of all people KNOWS that that’s not what the movie is about. The internet then finds the old teasers from before the movie was revamped and it makes things worse. Producer Sujin Hwang profusely apologizes and says that that is NOT the message of the movie. Locus pulls the advertising campaign, and takes down the two old teasers.

“Our film, a family comedy, carries a message designed to challenge social prejudices related to standards of physical beauty in society by emphasizing the importance of inner beauty.”

- Producer Sujin Hwang

Voice director Tony Bancroft also tried to explain the situation:

“The truth is the film has a body-positive message as its core theme–it’s the opposite of what reports are saying. The problem is one poorly translated movie poster that has been taken dramatically out of context.” 

- Voice Director Tony Bancroft

And then... There was nothing for a while. The movie didn’t come out in 2018 and was delayed. From what I can tell, I DON’T believe this delay was related to the Cannes backlash. I think it was mostly due to Locus’s limited budget and resources, because as we know, animation is difficult, time-consuming, expensive, and easy to do badly but hard to do well. Also, probably with Jin Kim and Tony Bancroft’s influence, they REALLY wanted to make sure to do a good job with the animation because they now had a great story and they really wanted the movie to be a quality, worldwide hit that would kind of put South Korean feature animation on the map. Just take a look at how nice the final animation was:

The movie was released in South Korea on July 25th, 2019. Unfortunately, the damage was done in the English-speaking markets and it was not released to an English-speaking audience until June 22, 2020, when it was released digitally in the UK. At the time of this post, there is no set US release date, but the distribution rights were recently bought by Lionsgate and the MPAA gave the film an official PG rating.

So who’s to blame? There’s no good answer. You could blame Locus for making those old teasers. You could blame Finecut for the competely tonedeaf Cannes poster. You could even blame cancel culture for raging against the movie based on one poster and two old teaser trailers without researching what the movie was actually about.

All I know is, it’s a damn shame.

[somebodycall911onabc]

Some post-4x13 Buddie because ummmm no to everything that just went down and whatever the hell they're doing with that promo. Pre-relationship Eddie introspection, guest-starring sleepy Buck and Chris (how often can I have these two idiots—Buck and Eddie, not Chris—wake each other up too goddamn early in the morning; the answer is infinite).

Eddie wakes up.

The world is a quiet, washed-out hum of static and dim light. He listens to his breath, in and out, in and out, as the room comes into focus. The rhythmic beeping monitor. The rough sheets over his chest. The hollowed-out numb of his shoulder where—

fuck. Where he’d been shot.

Eddie blinks open his eyes and grimaces. He’s probably doped to hell but his shoulder aches like forest fire, like a pain that will consume him and the whole world too, if he lets it. His head feels like someone pumped it full of air right up until the point before it bursts. He grits his teeth and gathers saliva on his tongue, carefully distributes it so that when he swallows, it will feel less like he’s ingesting a quart of sand. He knows this song and dance. He wiggles his fingers and toes and notes that remarkably, everything’s in working order. He wonders how often you can cheat death before that karma comes to get you.

Although he thinks Buck would probably go to bat for him, even against death himself. The heart monitor spikes as Eddie remembers with a vicious and cruel clarity Buck’s eyes on his as Eddie shuddered and collapsed. Buck’s wide, deer-in-headlights eyes, all that Eddie could see, just two pinprick pupils until there was nothing else, just the black, blank darkness.

Eddie tips his head to the side and opens his eyes, unclenching his fists, and nearly reels back when he sees Ana. She’s crumpled in the seat beside him, her chin resting on her collarbone, her long, dark eyelashes twitching against her cheek as she sleeps.

He closes his eyes and turns his head away.

But Ana’s a light sleeper. She was already waking up when he looked at her, roused from the shallow depths of unconsciousness by the change in Eddie’s breathing pattern, or something. His eyes are still closed when she croaks out, “Eddie?”

He looks at her.

“Eddie!” She says, raising her hands to flutter them over his chest, his face, his un-wounded shoulder. “You’re awake! You’re alive! Thank God,” she says, fervent. Like a prayer.

“Guess I’m just… lucky,” Eddie wheezes out. She smiles at him, eyes watering, and he gave the PG-version of his Silver Star story in her classroom but there’s no hint of recognition in her eyes.

“Either the luckiest man alive, or the unluckiest,” she says. “I’m pretty sure a lucky man wouldn’t be shot at quite so much.” She presses a kiss to his temple and Eddie has the horrible impulse to bat her away from him like she’s an overbearing aunt.

God, he’s an idiot. And it would take getting shot for him to realize it.

“What… happened?” Eddie asks, relieved when she leans back and settles into her chair.

“I’m not sure… I heard there was a sniper on the scene. The police think he might be targeting first responders, because how could this year get any worse?” When she shakes her head, her curls bounce in a way Eddie found appealing, once. It feels like a million years ago.

“Chris?” He asks, heart racing once more. She glances at the monitor and then back to him, offering a reassuring smile that does little to soothe his nerves.

“He’s OK. Buck’s with him.” Those three words calm Eddie instantly, like someone turning off an electric kettle, the worry bubbling up inside him simmering to a still. Because it means Chris is OK, and so is Buck. “I’m really grateful to Buck,” Ana is saying, taking his hand in hers, drawing his attention back to her. “It means I get to be here, with you.” She smiles at him like he’s fragile.

Wrong.

Eddie looks at her and doesn’t know how to tell her. How to tell her that the right thing would be for her to be at Chris’s side. That Chris always came first. Chris was the first and only priority. Chris was Eddie’s heart, raw and exposed, just like Bobby had said.

He looks at her and thinks about Chris’s smile, how he lights up the minute Ana walks in the room. He thinks about Chris confessing to him, quiet and anxious, that he’d asked Santa to find Mommy. He thinks about his parents telling him that the proper thing to do was to marry the girl carrying his child, even if he wasn’t sure he loved her.

Chris has been and will always be the most important thing in Eddie’s life. But Eddie’s starting to realize that even with a Northstar as good and perfect as Chris, Eddie didn’t always make the best choices. For himself, for Chris, or for their family.

“Can you call Buck, for me?” Eddie asks, brushing his thumb over Ana’s delicate knuckles. “If it’s not too late. I want to see my boys.”

She hastily bends down to pick up her purse and fumble her phone out, tell him it was fine, Buck had wanted her to call him as soon as Eddie woke up, anyway. He catches a glimpse of a “5” as she unlocks the phone and opens her contact list.

In the early morning, hospital quiet, Eddie can hear the phone ring on the other end of the line. Once, twice. Click.

“Hello?’ Buck asks, voice scratchy with sleep.

“Let me talk to him,” Eddie says, before Ana can get a word in. She hesitates, opens her mouth, but he holds her gaze until she extends the phone to him. Eddie’s hand is steady when he takes it from her.

“Hey,” Eddie says. Buck’s bleary-eyed, curls smashed to one side of his head, half his face obscured by a dark shape.

“Eddie,” Buck says, a ragged, relieved sound. He shifts, and Eddie hears him say, “Chris, Chris wake up, it’s your dad, Chris, he’s OK!”

And then there’s another face, pressing too close to the camera, so that Eddie mostly sees a nostril and some chin.

“Daddy!” Chris whoops, and Eddie smiles, and Buck pulls Chris back from the phone screen so Eddie can see him.

“Hey there, buddy,” Eddie says, “sorry I scared you.”

“W-wasn’t scared,” Chris insists, blinking rapidly because without his glasses, the world was mostly a multi-colored smudge. “I had Buck.”

Buck—who settles Chris’s glasses over his face with heartbreaking tenderness. Buck—who wraps an arm around Chris and scoots them back against the headboard so they can both see Eddie. Buck—who had clearly been sleeping in Chris’s bed, keeping him safe while Eddie was getting several pints of blood pumped into his body and shrapnel extricated from his shoulder.

“That’s good,” Eddie says. “Really good.”

“We knew you’d be OK,” Buck says. “Right, Superman?”

“Yeah. ‘Cause of your lucky charm.”

Eddie has to close his eyes against that. Chris is still so young, still Disney-innocent and honey-sweet, and Buck knew exactly what to say to calm Chris down. He knew Chris’s favorite bedtime story and the playlist Eddie made for him to help Chris fall asleep.

“That’s right,” Eddie chokes out. “My St. Christopher medal.”

“No.” Eddie blinks at that, at the stubborn line of Chris’s mouth. “Me. And Buck.”

Buck looks just about as surprised as Eddie feels.

“What?” Eddie asks.

“What?” Buck asks.

“What?” Chris asks, confused at their confusion. He addresses Buck. “Daddy said that I was his good l-l-luck charm. Because he loves me. A-and he loves you, so you’re his good luck charm too.”

Eddie isn’t sure if his kid is perceptive or just putting together ideas in the way only kids can. But it doesn’t really matter, because he isn’t wrong.

“Got me there,” Eddie agrees. “I must be pretty lucky, since I’ve got the both of you watching my back.”

Buck’s smiling a pleased, sunshine grin. The room is too dark and the connection is too poor, but Eddie would bet money that Buck’s blushing.

Eddie very deliberately doesn’t look at Ana.

“We’ll come visit as soon as the hospital opens,” Buck promises. “It’s good you called, because we should probably get going.”

To his right, Chris gives a huge yawn.

“You sure? I’m not going anywhere.”

“You think we’re gonna be able to sleep now that you’re awake? No way.”

“No way!’ Chris agrees.

“We’ll be there in fifteen. Twenty. Ten?” Buck looks down at Chris.

“Five!” Chris shouts. “The f-firetruck could make it in five minutes!”

“But we only have Buck’s jeep,” Buck says, pouting at Chris. “Definitely not a firetruck.”

“Fifteen,” Chris amends.

“OK,” Eddie says with a laugh that barely hurts. “I’ll see you soon. Thanks, Buck.”

“For what?” Buck asks, ruffling Chris’s hair with the hand that had been draped over Chris’s shoulders. “Be there soon.”

The call disconnects with the finality of a book snapping shut. He squares his shoulders (as much as he can while lying in an inclined hospital bed with a bullet injury) and turns his head to face Ana.

Her eyes are narrowed and hard, like ice over a troubled stream.

“So,” she says, slow and calm, “Buck?”

“Yeah” Eddie says. It’s all he can say. He can’t tell her how to be what he needs, what Chris needs. He can’t tell her to put Chris first like a reflex, like an instinct.

He doesn’t blame her. He isn’t mad at her. He isn’t even disappointed. He’s as shocked as anyone that he met someone who understood, immediately and profoundly, that Chris was Eddie’s world. Eddie had never counted on someone like Buck. And it was time he stopped running from that and accepted it for the undeserved, unparallelled gift that it was.

“I’m sorry,” he adds.

“Me too.” Ana takes her phone back with a snap of her wrist and drops it in her purse. “I’m going to go home.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, feeling a little guilty. He knows what it’s like to feel left behind, waking up with nothing but a note and the realization that you could never be good enough.

Ana gets to her feet and smooths the wrinkles of her blouse, and for a moment she reminds him so much of Shannon that he’s dizzy. The straight back, the self-posession, the tumble of curls swept over her shoulder.

He hopes Ana finds a love worthy of her, someone who will treasure her and believe her when she says, “sometimes our limitations let us know who we are.”

Because Eddie looked at the world like a challenge. He threw himself into it like the world might burn up tomorrow, but he would fight to the last breath anyway. He peeled away honorable discharge and may experience lifelong mobility dilemmas and we know what’s best for him and don’t you know how hard it is to be a single father like strips of old paint.

And Buck was the same way. Buck was I had to do it and didn’t you know Jim Abbot played baseball with only one hand and I’m in. You wanted us to bond, Cap. We might end up real close.

Eddie watches Ana leave, her heels clicking sharp against the tiled floor. At the door, she turns her head.

“I am glad you’re OK, Edmundo.”

“Thank you.”

And then she’s gone.

And then Eddie waits, anticipation mounting, for his boys to bring him home.

[darlington-v]

I know different interpretations of a work are generally enriching and cool... but c!dream villan interpretations is like how to tell me you only watch Tommy without saying you only watch tommy.... which would be fine but its not a great place to be making statements about the whole nature of the dsmp lol

Wild speculation, but sometimes I wonder if like, because the dsmp didn't really start as a narrative, and a lot of fans don't nessecarily enter it expecting a narrative, but then there is one and the fandom is really discourse heavy and everyone is sort of excpeted to have an opinion while maybe not expecting to form one from the begining or not having a ton of experience with narrative in a way that would "expect" them to have an opinion or not take things at face value??, I don't know if I explained that well at all... and I don't really even think thats right nessecarily... but like wow sometimes some of the takes about power and government and villany...

Honestly, it makes sense!!!

I think something interesting is like.... looking at how animatics have shaped the like tone and culture of the fandom essentially. Like, an interesting fact that I didn't really fully grasp until SUPER recently is like...

c!Wilbur out the gate admits he is manipulating c!Tommy. Like his first youtube video on the Dream SMP he admits his goal is to manipulate c!Tommy and people like c!Tommy into helping him achieve a potion ("drug") empire to monopolize on potions because there were a lot of people on the server who like to min-max, which is to put all of your effort into this one specific skill essentially. so like... i know minecraft doesnt have a skill tree but if it did, it would be putting all your points into that one specific branch of a skill tree. So he wanted to exploit the labor of all the TommyInnits to.... maintain a Potion Empire.

THIS IS A LONG POST BC I GOT CARRIED AWAY SO BUCKLE UP

And I don't think a lot of the fandom who joined later on knows this. I certainly didn't until like a week or so ago? Like... I knew c!Wilbur had been manipulative from the start because I'm a mod of (shameless self promo incoming) @dsmpanalysis and we have a lot of different POVs in that mod team and discord and we talk about it really frequently. I joined the fandom as someone who was really big on L'manburg ESPECIALLY crimeboys, and have turned into.... *gestures vaguely to my blog*

And ngl I owe a lot of it to @1-michibiki-1 in terms of c!Dream "Apologism" but all of the mods there have expanded my thoughts and views on the storylines of this narrative.

My application consisted of like largely essays about like... how I think Dream was the villain but he was meant to be the villain because you don't get any insight into his character WHICH.... IS A FAIR ASSUMPTION AT FIRST GLANCE. People are easily villainized when you cannot get a glimpse into their thought process. It's easy to dwindle someone down into this flat character and starting out I knew Dream didn't stream the SMP on purpose.

And I personally came to the conclusion of "Oh! So Dream is supposed to be the villain." However as the story continued and I learned more about what Dream went through I began to realize that... it's more than likely a form of a red herring. My opinions on this were immediately solidified when I watched Ranboo's 2 MIL stream because both Ranboo AND Dream agree on enjoying red herrings.

There have been MANY times were Dream has said that c!Dream is a complex character and he's not a wholly evil guy and there have been times where the narrative has honestly just proved that.

Anyways, what's important though was that... I learned most of this from other people who were more focused on c!Dream rather than myself. Eventually I shifted from c!Tommy to c!Ranboo and c!Techno after c!Tommy betrayed c!Techno and I began to realize.... everything I learned before hopping in wasn't exactly what it seemed.

Part of this is because I'm older, I heavily identify with c!Techno's sense of loyalty and philosophies on government, but I especially identify with the anguish c!Techno voiced in... a lot of lore but especially the lore around Doomsday.

I'm not 16 anymore. I don't always feel wronged by adults, or older people in my case, whenever they absolutely have done something wrong by me, but I do feel wronged by my close friends. I also felt like c!Tommy's sense of loyalty didn't line up with mine after what felt like him constantly flip-flopping and refusing to understand c!Techno's morals on government didn't line up with his.

In short, it was easier to identify with Tommy in these animatics versus in the actual stream content because c!Tommy is played by a 16 year old. I'm not a teenager and my line of thinking doesn't entirely line up with people that age anymore. It's harder to place myself in the same shoes of someone's OC who is played closer to their actual age, because I'm not that age.

Regardless, I was still on the c!Dream is a villain train. I wasn't ever like... c!Dream is repulsive I hate him, but I was like omg hot villain lad go brrr.

Even when the first like... mellohi, panic room, Ranboo lore stream popped up I thought "Oh! c!Ranboo corruption arc?"

And I was excited because I really wanted this shy, nervous character to turn into villain buddies with his good pal c!Dream. I'm a total sucker for villains and corruption arcs and all that good shit.

SO I STARTED GETTING REALLY INTERESTED IN ENDERSMILE. I'VE BEEN ON ENDERSMILE SQUAD OUT THE GATE. NOT THE SAME WAY I AM NOW, BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED THEM TO TEAM UP.

So... upon not really keeping up with c!Dream and being relatively??? indifferent? I don't think I started arguments on c!Dream back then, but I might have. But I remember like... starting to participate more whenever c!Dream came up and looking more into Dream's character BUT ESPECIALLY TALKING WITH OUR SERVER'S C!DREAM SPECIALIST MICHI ABOUT DREAM A LOT MORE.

And because Michi has been a watcher since day one and was a DTeam fan rather than a SBI fan, she was able to provide me with more information on how the server worked pre-Tommy but especially pre-Wilbur.

Now, you could definitely argue well Michi probably has clear bias but it made sense to me when I looked back on how the storyline had been constructed and was going along, and everyone in the server talks a lot about our own biases and how we want people to maybe not lean so hard on them. Michi would also provide like anecdotes on what had happened and I'm sure links were probably provided at one point but the point was I felt like Michi had no reason to lie or manipulate how the story was told and if she did, eventually someone would have pointed it out because... Group of like... right now it's around 20 or more analysts but I don't remember how many at the time there were. POINT BEING, WE'VE ALL GOT POINTS TO PROVE AND IN MY EXPERIENCE NOT MANY OF US HAVE BEEN SHY TO PROVE THEM.

So if anyone ever had any differing opinions they would be talked about and we literally had and still have discussions.

REGARDLESS.... I DIDN'T FACT CHECK IN DEPTH BECAUSE I THOUGHT PEER REVIEW WAS ENOUGH WHEN YOU HAVE LIKE HOURS UPON HOURS OF STREAMS TO WATCH.

Anyways. Eventually I started paying closer attention and looking more into c!Dream lore but only recently have I started to triple check before speaking about c!Wilbur lore because I know everyone has biases and while I did trust everyone's thoughts and analysis in the discord, whenever I make essays I typically like it to be largely air tight and if theres a mistake, I want it to be because I forgot not because I just trusted what was said. Plus, I wanted to get down to the specifics of how Wilbur had always started with manipulation on the mind.

SO I WATCHED HIS FIRST VIDEO ON THE DREAM SMP.

AND WHAT I WAS NOT BY ANY MEANS EXPECTING WAS WILBUR TO SAY WORD FOR WORD, VERBATIM,

"SO WHY DON'T I START AN INDUSTRY WHERE I USE THE TOMMYINNITS OF THE WORLD TO WORK FOR ME, TO CREATE THINGS THAT THE MIN-MAXERS OF THE WORLD WILL WANT."

Like... this is in no way an attempt to like hardcore villainize c!Wilbur like everyone does Dream, it's just more so to like REALLY outline how far off a lot of fandom interpretation of c!Wilbur is....

Because of SBI focused animatics.

Now, when I joined I watched A LOT of animatics that really highlighted like... Wilbur being this self-loathing JD-esque, "I destroyed it because I had to because the world was against me because no one loved us, Tommy" type of character. At least... that's what it came across as.

And it definitely highlighted the fact that Tommy was a victim, which he is. He is undoubtedly a victim and no not even any dream apologist can change my mind otherwise. Tommy, despite being an instigator sometimes, didn't deserve the abuse he received.

But these animatics never shown the fact that c!Wilbur started L'manburg as a shady ploy to exploit people like c!Tommy and vilify c!Dream so he could have power.

And that was easy because Dream and Tommy had wars before. They had spars and pranks and here's the plan to take back my disks and here's the plan to out smart the thieving little child etc etc.

And all of the animatics I watched never mentioned this. Neither did the recaps though. The recaps gave the events flat out, there didn't sound like there was bias, and honestly I don't really know if there was rather than like... a lack of nuance. And it's hard to provide a recap with that much nuance in a short period of time for a youtube video, to be perfectly fair.

However, this creates a perfect formula for entirely rewriting the history of a server. c!Wilbur quite literally fucking succeeded TO A META LEVEL. He slandered and ran smear campaigns against Dream and like he even does that with Sapnap in the beginning. But what's crazy is that it transferred over into the meta! Most of this fandom understands Wilbur as a victim of mental illness, and yeah maybe? He definitely wasn't mentally well by the end of pogtopia, but he never started out with honorable intentions. L'manburg was never a victim, only its citizens. The TommyInnits of the world.

I just think it's like... such an interesting case study. Because this is like... an opinion like shared by at least half of the fandom, but the vilifying of c!Dream is shared by MOST of the fandom I would argue. Which is like even more crazy for me because that was c!Wilbur's goal!!!

LIKE I GO INSANE WHEN I THINK OF THIS BECAUSE HIS REACH IS JUST TOO POWERFUL. HE'S NOT EVEN ENTIRELY REAL, JUST A MANIPULATIVE PERSONA OF SOME BRITISH GUY.

And I mean... maybe people who have watched Wilbur's video on the SMP still maintain this idea that Wilbur wasn't always the bad guy, but honestly... I wouldn't be surprised if their introduction was still an animatic. Like bias is hard to check and I'm not going to lie I could have sworn I watched both Wilbur's AND Tommy's video on the SMP in the beginning and yet I STILL was a ride or die for tragic yet on some level still honorable Wilbur and a resilient Tommy.

Like... upon watching Wilbur's first video... possibly again I was surprised because I thought I did watch it like right before I even started watching the streams and yet I was still so invested in c!Wilbur as this tortured anti-hero.

It took 6 months of... not being in an echo chamber, full of multiple different people of different ages, different stream POVS, and people who joined the fandom at different points in time.

IDK IF THIS WAS EVEN ENTIRELY RELEVANT IT JUST FELT TANGENTIALLY RELEVANT AND THIS WAS SOMETHING I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT FOR A HOT MINUTE AFTER LIKE WATCHING WILBUR'S FIRST VIDEO AGAIN.

TLDR;

SBI CENTRIC ANIMATICS HAD A LASTING AFFECT ON THIS FANDOM AS IT'S HARD TO GO BACK AND ACTUALLY CHECK THE NARRATIVE FOR SOLID FACTS FOR YOUR OWN INTERPRETATION BASED ON THE FACT THAT THIS NARRATIVE SPANS OVER HUNDREDS OF HOURS WORTH OF TWITCH STREAMS.

[pricklerick]

Okay, let’s talk about Beth.

I think the fandom tends to forget how fucking young she is.

Beth got pregnant with Summer when she was seventeen. Canonically, Summer is seventeen. That means Beth can’t be more than 35 in the pilot. At the risk of sounding like an old fart: dude, she’s just a baby. 

Let’s see what we can infer from this information. 

Did you guys know that the prerequisites for veterinary school and medical school are pretty much identical? Basically, it’s four years of undergraduate biology and chemistry, with maybe some math and physics thrown in for fun.

With this in mind, ti’s likely that Beth still planned to go to medical school after she had Summer. We know that Summer is Beth’s favorite child (Morty’s Mindblowers). On top of that, there’s evidence to support that Beth had a pretty big hand in raising baby Summer, while Jerry may have had more of an influence on Morty. Remember this little exchange in Raising Gazorpazorp?

Morty: What do I do if it cries?

Beth: Then you put it down and let it cry itself out.

Jerry: Yeah, right, we tried that technique on Summer, and she's gonna end up stripping, isn't she? Yes, she is. She's gonna strip for attention because she was denied it.

Beth: Stop filling it with your own insecurity! You're gonna turn it into Morty -- uh, mm -- more  -- more of you!

This suggests that Beth kept baby Summer at hime during the day while Jerry worked. It’s easy to imagine Beth taking night classes as the local university, studying like mad to keep a competitive GPA, and justifying her indifference to Summer as “good parenting.”

Beth has Morty when she’s about twenty. This falls a little into headcnon territory, but I think that Beth was a year ahead if her peers academically and probably started college at seventeen. Based on this headcanon, I’m going to say she’s a junior in when Morty is born. 

I think the show makes it pretty obvious that Morty is a mistake. If you really want to get dark, I kind of like the idea of Jerry sabotaging Beth’s birth control in order to get her pregnant because he’s resentful fo her desire for a career in medicine. He sees it as abandonment or some shit, and he also can’t handle the ego-blow of his wife being a doctor. But that’s just a personal theory. Regardless, I think it’s clear that Beth Smith didn’t want to be saddled with another kid.

She probably didn’t want to be saddled with the first. 

Making it through medical school with a toddler is a fucking challenge. Making it through medical school with a toddler and a baby, with a husband who is nebulously supportive at best; well, Beth is a smart woman. She knows an impossibility when she sees one.

Beth is twenty years old, and her dreams have been shattered by her husband and children. I’m sure Jerry makes her feel pretty guilty about how much their family would sacrifice if she continued to pursue her goal of being a surgeon.

Four years, Beth, and the five more years of residency! And you’re talking about fellowship after that! The kids would be teenagers! And how are we going to pay the bills??

Beth settles on vet school for several reasons. First of all - and you better believe she tells Jerry this - what the hell is she going to do with a bachelor’s degree in biology? Teach high school? Even Jerry knows that’s off the table.

But Beth’s already got the prerequisites for acceptance into vet school. Unlike medicine, there’s no residency required to practice as a vet, just four years of graduate study. Some of that is clinical rotations, a much better schedule for balancing family life and academics. Beth tells herself that being a vet is the same as being a doctor; after all, humans are just primates. Besides, there are less than one tenth as many vet schools as there are med schools in the United Staes - it’s just as competitive, more competitive, vein, to become a vet than it is to become a doctor. Sure, she’ll take a pay cut, but she’ll rack up considerably less debt in the process. 

Beth convinces herself that it will all balance out in the end.

She’s a competitive student with a stellar GPA. At barely 22 years old, Beth is accepted into one of the top veterinary promos in the nations, no problem. Jerry pretends to be proud. They don’t even have to move far from Muskegon, but Jerry takes a lower paying position that allows him to take care of the kids while Beth attends class. 

Summer is five years old and startlingly independent. Already, she despises her father. Jerry tells himself that he’s always wanted a son anyway. Morty is young and impressionable, and Beth is never around. 

“It’s just you and me, buddy!”

Beth finishes school in four years. She’s 26, Summer is nine, and Morty is five. She takes a job in a clinic, and for a while, things are okay.

But when she turns 29, something inside Beth snaps. Her twenties are gone. Here she is, mindlessly writing antibiotic orders and spaying cats. Summer is a preteen, Morty is whatever he is. Jerry got a promotion at work, despite his useless civics degree? And Beth?

Beth is bored. 

She briefly entertains the idea of returning to medical school, but dismisses it instantly. Her classmates would be so much younger. They’d find out about her background as a vet and they’d laugh at her. Jerry would whine incessantly. It feels too much like starting over.

So, again, Beth settles for the next best thing.

“I’ve applied for a residency program,” she tells Jerry one evening over a glass of wine.

Three years, she promises. Three years, and then I’m done for good. Equine Surgery, she gushes to Jerry. It’s prestigious, the highest paying specialty in veterinary medicine!

“We’ll have to move!” Jerry protests. Beth justifies it by saying that the salary for horse surgeons is highest in the northeast.

It’s surgery, she tells herself. It’s what you’ve always wanted to do. Horses are big mammals, just like humans are big mammals.

They move to Washington. Jerry takes yet another pay cut. Beth is 30. Summer is 13. Morty is nine.

Washington State’s equine surgery residency is tough. Beth is challenged. She wakes int he wee hours of the morning and falls into bed, exhausted, in the wee hours of the night. 

And for the first time in years, Beth feels alive.

Rick shows up on the doorstep on Morty’s thirteenth birthday. It’s a day of dual-celebration. Morty is finally a teenager, and Beth is finally finished with school.

Beth already feels like she’s in mourning. She’s 33, and she’s at the peak of her career  (you’ll never be smarter than you are in this moment, her favorite mentor had reminded her the day before boards). She starts a job and the horse hospital next week. She’s signed a contract, already received her hefty sign-on bonus.

Then Dad shows up, and all of Beth’s accomplishments fall hollow from her lips. 

She thought he was dead, for christssake.

She introduces Rick to her family: Jerry, her loser husband (cringe, cringe, cringe); Summer, basic teenage bitch (does poorly in school because the would rather be popular than smart); Morty, the fuckup with some learning disability that Beth had never bothered to pay attention to (the real reason that I never lived up to the potential you saw in me, Dad).

It’s enough to drive any woman to drink.

I don’t think I’m too far off the mark here. Beth is so tetchy and self-conscious about her job because she’s relatively new at it - remember the “we’re losing him!” scene in the pilot? She’s incredibly resentful fo Jerry, for all of the reasons. Summer is her favorite child because Beth spent more time with Summer when she was a baby, and she is independent and self motivated - traits that Beth values. She regards Morty with vague disdain, to the point that she hardly remembers his existence, because she was absent for the majority of his childhood. Beth view Morty as “Jerry’s child,” and Summer as hers.

(Quick headcanon that Beth thinks of Morty as looking like Jerry, which just adds to her aversion, when actually, he looks a lot like young Rick. Beth has no way of knowing this, though, because there are no photos of kid Rick Sanchez).

I don’t mean for this post to sound sympathetic toward Jerry, because I’m really not. He’s a hot mess, too. I just wanted to flesh out Beth a little bit, and maybe justify Rick’s choice to clone her. Beth is young; she still has a whole life to live, and she never got the chance to be the woman she wanted to be, or the mom that her kids deserved. 

Rick chose to give her the opportunity to succeed at both.

[princessmadafu]

37 bleedin’ pages!

I have condensed them for you and left out most of the bits that the nasty evil British Press have already covered. Feel free to skip any boring bits.

Dax Shepard: Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert's Experts on Expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Mouse.

Monica Padman: Hi.

[...]

There follows some heavy marketing of towels and stuff...

DS: Now please enjoy Prince Harry. We are supported by Brookelinen. My favourite hotel quality sheets to get into and writhe around in the nude. [...] They're impeccable. They're decadent, they're soft, they're absorbent. Brookelinen was started to create beautiful high quality home essentials that don't cost an arm and a leg. They're so confident in their product, they come with a 365 day warranty. So give yourself that comfort refresh you deserve and get it for less. Go to Brookelinen.com and use promo code 'expert' to get $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100. That's Brookelinen.com and enter promo code 'expert' for $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100. That's Brookelinen.com, promo code 'expert'.

Pretty ironic really, as Harry wades into fake news and how advertising algorithms are ruining us...

DS:...It's like the algorithms on the internet. You can't compete with that, a human.

PH: You can't if you have the awareness of what it's doing to you. And the fact that it's learning, which is scary. And advertising has been going on for hundreds of years, but done really responsibly. The difference here is targeted ads. If ads have always worked for companies, you can put on the TV, you can walk away, you can come back, your involvement is switching on switching off or changing the channel. Whereas now with algorithms is there, it's just feeding your habits. And it's also reading through your emails and everything else. So it's getting to know you, like, it gets to know the decisions you're gonna make before you make them, then it creates this echo chamber of no pushback, of no context of nothing. It's just perpetuating and feeding the bias and the habits that you already have inside of you, which is terrible.[...]

Harry needs to learn about AdBlock and Ghostery and VPNs and Tor and DuckDuckGo and Smartpage and all the other clever little ways the computer-literate have of ridding their lives of unwanted advertising. I haven't seen an ad in years. The only person feeding my habits is me. It’s called personal responsibility. Maybe Harry still needs a Nanny but most grown-ups don’t. Oh wait, I forgot, the “Meghan&Harry Show” fans are all kids.

PH: [...] It's a computer. It's like, who wrote the algorithms? You guys did? Probably all male and all white.

Oooh, let's be sexist and racist, Harry! Did you ever hear of these women or are they too scary?

https://biztechmagazine.com/article/2012/05/mothers-technology-10-women-who-invented-and-innovated-tech

Then they discuss Naked Vegas (this guy Dax has a thing about nudity) and Harry in Afghanistan. And discuss a calendar of naked men that DS and MP put together - their favourite male bodies. What a good job it's only gloating over naked male bodies and not naked female bodies. It's apparently acceptable, for some reason. Harry doesn't know who the guys are.

DS: Monica makes this for me every year and it's a calendar of all my favourite bodies of friends.

MP: And they're all men.

DS: They're all men.

MP: And they're all gorgeous bodies.

[...]

And is Harry nervous talking about mental health? He shouldn't be, he's been banging on about it for years.

PH: Yeah. Was I nervous? No. Not so much nervous. But I guess on this particular subject around mental health. Yeah. For me, it's always a, unfortunately, today's world is quite a sensitive subject, not just for the people who are sharing. But ultimately, the subject matter itself has to be handled with care. [...] It ends up getting weaponized by certain people.

Weaponised by certain people? Like him and Markle, for instance. Neither of 'em has any talent so they weaponise their mental health. Big big mental health bombs loaded with word salad to lob at their own families and cause huge distress. Not nice, Harry.

PH: That's how I've always felt when it comes to projection. I mean, hatred is a form of projection, right? [...] We're not born to hate people. So it manifests itself over a period of time. And of course, it can come from unresolved pain, or being hurt continually, as a young kid or through adult life. But ultimately, there's a source to it. There's a reason why you want to hate somebody else.

Like his dad, his brother...

PH: And actually have some compassion for them. Which is really hard when you're on the receiving end of this, like, just vile, toxic abuse. But the reality is, is you say, flip it. [...] Every single one of us wherever we are, wherever we come from, there will always try and find some way to be able to mask the actual feeling and be able to try and make us feel different to how we are actually feeling, perhaps having a feeling. Right, because so many people are just numb to it. That was a huge part of the beginning of my life, which was like, I rejected. I said, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine.

And now he's moved on to promoting his new mental health stuff with Oprah, The Me You Can't See...

PH: So if you are making that conscious decision to say: You know what, it's not self serving, but I want to share my story. I'm being asked to share my story to hopefully help someone or loads of other people. I'm probably going to get trolled. I'm probably going to get attacked by the same people that were doing anyway. If I'm willing to make that decision, surely that comes from a place of courage rather than weakness?

Or possibly naivety. Harry is only wanted for his money-making title and royal status; he has no mental health qualifications, he's not a mental health professional, he's not an expert, all he brings to the table is the glamour of being a prince of the BRF. Which he quite clearly hates. Markle is lining her pockets from their self-indulgent mental health whinge fest and he's too dim to see it. There follows the bit about the spectrum of upbringing that the press is covering nicely so I can skip the next few pages - the bits where Harry says he doesn't see that talking about his own issues is complaining, and “it's the job, right”, how he never wanted the job of being royal, and his therapy and how “massively self-critical” he is (yet still can't see that he's not being honest with himself), ooh and sharing his hatred of the British press - that's a good bit, let's skip to page 18:

PH I think the biggest issue for me was that being born into it, you inherit the risk, you inherit the risk that comes with it, you inherit every element of it without choice. And because of the way that the UK media are, they feel an ownership over you. Literally like a full on ownership. And then they give the impression to some of their, well, most of the readers, that that is the case. But I think it's a really dangerous place to be if you don't have a choice, but then, of course, then people quite rightly will turn around and go. So what if you didn't have a choice? It was privilege? [...] Page Six of the New York Post, they took pictures of my son being picked up from school on his first day [...] But I guess my point is the way that I look at it, especially now living here one hour outside LA. Like it's a feeding frenzy here. We spent the first three and a half months living at Tyler Perry's house. You let us stay. And the helicopter helicopters, the drones the paparazzi cutting the fence like it was madness. And people out there -Their response was, Well, what do you expect if you live in LA? It's like, Okay, well, first of all, we didn't mean to live in LA. This is like a staging area before we try and find a house. And secondly, how sad that if you live in LA and you're well known figure, you just have to accept it. The first security we had, I said, Well, where's the safest place? Inside. Just because I'm a well known person, you can't go outside anymore. [...] it's really, really sad. And of course, their argument is - the paparazzi and everybody else - is like all if you're in the public space, then it's absolutely fine for us to do it. So what is our human right as an individual and as a family, you're saying that if the moment we step foot out of our house, that it's open season and free game? What? Because of public interest?. There's no public interest in you taking your kids for a walk down the beach. Nothing...

And on and on it goes... He should've stayed in the UK then. The Cambridges are managing very nicely, thank you. They take their kids for walks on the beach, and we'd never seen them until they released their anniversary video the other week. Harry's clearly envious of William; Harry's mad wife is vitriolically envious of Catherine. Oh and I’m pretty sure it’s the mad wife who keeps phoning her go-to paps when she needs to be in the news again.

PH: [...] I believe we live in an age now where you've got certain elements of the media redefining to us what privacy means. There's a massive conflict of interest. And then you've got social media platforms, trying to redefine what free speech means. Why - I wonder why you're doing that. And again - so this has been happening for 15 years now. And we're living in this world where we've almost like all the laws have been completely flipped by the very people that need them flipped so they can make more money and they can capitalise off our pain, grief, and this sort of general self destructive mode that's happening at the moment [...]

He doesn't get how hypocritical this is, does he? The Markles are the ones capitalising on their grief, pain and the rest of it. And no-one would be interested in them without the royal bits because they have nothing else to offer. Failed actress and used-to-be-a-soldier wrapped up in festering bitterness.

Blah, blah... went shopping in a supermarket... saw lots of chewing gum... blah, blah... Archie on the back of his bicycle... girls want to be princesses... You don't need to be a princess, you can create the life that will be better than any princess or it's something along those lines... she said she expected [the press] to be fair... Pages and pages of how he hates the British press...

PH: [...] And especially when you can't defend yourself so yes, I think when you marry into it, especially when it's one Princess Diana's sons there is a certain amount of 'okay what I'm actually letting myself in for?' But very few people actually know - apart from the Brits - how toxic that element of the of the UK press is.[...]

We're up to page 24 now, if you're still with me. Oh here it is, Harry's unconscious bias... What’s the betting the mad wife has scripted this bit for him?

PH: [...] So going back to the whole sort of travelling around the Commonwealth, I thought I knew, right, having been able to travel that much and meet so many and such a diverse group of people. I thought I understood life. Especially bearing in mind most of the countries I was going to were, most of the communities are going to were people of colour. But then I was really shocked once I started doing therapy. And that bubble was burst. And I started doing my own work, really - a lot of work - and started to uncover and understand more about unconscious bias. And I was like, wow, I thought since I screwed up when I was younger, and then did the work. I thought I then knew. But I didn't. And I still don't fully know. It's like a constant working progress. And every single one of us has it. [...] Everyone has biases, of all sorts. But I think it's a really important point, especially now, after everything's happened in the last year and a half, like the world is changing, the younger generation are driving it. And you've got to like a multi-racial, cultural sort of movement happening, which has never happened before. But unconscious bias is the way that I understand it, is, again, it's not something that's wrong with you. Right? And you don't have to be defensive about it. That's the thing. No one's blaming you. But the moment that you acknowledge that you do have unconscious bias, what are you going to do about it? Because if you choose to do nothing you're continuing to fuel the problem, which means that you're then heading towards racism. Whereas unconscious bias is actually something that is inherent, unfortunately, in every single one of us. But that it is possible to educate yourself to be more aware of the problems and therefore be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

Markle's got him well-trained on this one, hasn't she. I wonder if he's read anything critical of the unconscious bias movement, or just repeating what he's been told to. Oh and then he goes off about being in the army...

PH: I loved it. I love wearing the same uniform as everybody else. I love being treated the same. I love the expectation of if you want to get that job, or you want that promotion, or you want to finish this race, it's all on you. There's no special treatment, you're not going to get any help. If anything, you're probably going to get treated the opposite because everyone thinks that you've had an easy life. And everyone's always helped you get to where you are.

But...but...but, Harry wasn't treated the same, there was special treatment, he was helped to get to where he was. He scraped a couple of poor quality A Levels and got admitted to Sandhurst because he's a prince. Good old Wikipedia says:

In June 2003, Harry completed his education at Eton with two A-Levels,[22] achieving a grade B in art and D in geography, having decided to drop history of art after AS level.[23] He has been described as "a top tier athlete", having played competitive polo and rugby union.[24] One of Harry's former teachers, Sarah Forsyth, has asserted that Harry was a "weak student" and that staff at Eton conspired to help him cheat on examinations.[25][26] Both Eton and Harry denied the claims.[25][27] While a tribunal made no ruling on the cheating claim, it "accepted the prince had received help in preparing his A-level 'expressive' project, which he needed to pass to secure his place at Sandhurst."[25][28]

PH: And then suddenly, like - while I was at school, I hated exams. And I promised myself I'd never do exams again. Then I joined the army of which is full of exams. I still promised myself I'm never gonna do it and then I end up flying Apache [...]

Gods, it's getting boring. Even the interviewers are zoning out. Still ten pages to go. Wish I hadn't started this, I could be out weeding. Weather's nice, not too windy... Do I deserve a quick G&T yet?

PH: Or worse, was they turn around and say, right, because last week, you're out the front. This week, you got to carry his bergan, I'm like - what, 30 extra pounds? Nooo. But it was, it was the most normalising experience or job that I could have ever hoped for. And then going to Afghanistan twice [...] And someone said to me very recently, from the moment that you're born into today's world, life is trauma, so the sooner that we actually acknowledge that but but [...]

A-a-a-a-and he's back on the mental health thing, PTSD or PTSI,

PH: Post Traumatic Stress Injury is like: Well, that makes sense, because I just saw my mate get blown out. But the other piece of this is, what we need to remember is, the lot of the recruiting that we do in the UK, comes from certain cities and certain homes, where there's childhood trauma. So what we collectively have already got inside of us, the trigger of seeing something happen in Iraq, Afghanistan can be the trigger. So everyone goes: Oh, it's because they were on operations, and because they saw their makeup blown up. It's like, no. [...] So that's what I've been working on for years, for the last five years, which is like, and it started in therapy of like, I don't want to lose this thing, because I think it's, I feel so connected to my mum. [...]

They move on to parenting, which the press is rubbing its hands over... Harry blaming everyone but himself and his saintly mother - Charles, HMTQ, PP... "They f*ck you up, your mum and dad". But not the mum bit. He can't push his mum off her pedestal.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse if you don't know Larkin's poetry. How much more? Nearly there. Monica loves The Crown and doesn't realise it's fictitious.

DS: [...]Well, Harry, I've really really liked talking to you. You're very charming. You're very intelligent. You're handsome, and I can't wait to see your torso.

MP: Thank you so much for coming.

DS: So I just want to remind everyone that May 21 on Apple Plus, you should check out Oprah and Prince Harry's 'The Me You Can't See'. I have to imagine it's similar to her book, which I just read, which is absolutely incredible 'What happened to you?' So everyone should check out 'The me you can't see' on Apple plus May 21.

And still Harry won't shut up... Shut up, shut up. Cut his mic. You don't have to read this last bit, they've already wound up the interview...He still won’t shut up.

PH: Yeah, we're moving from the physical to the emotional, right, physically. At the beginning of this pandemic, people were panicking. And there was that fight or flight like, ahh what do we do like lockdown, survival? Yeah. And now that the vaccines have been sort of, we're getting to the point where more and more people are being vaccinated, we're now in the emotional phase of what I read in the New York Times article was called languishing, which is really interesting. It's like the is the middle child between flourishing and depression. You just feel flat, and it's not depressed. It's definitely not flourishing. You lack the energy and the will, the motivation, all that kind of stuff. Because you're kind of sitting there going - Well, what happens next? And I think it's really important that we talk about languishing. And it was coined by someone I can't remember who but I think it was the journalist who wrote the story was Adam Grant. No, he didn't come up with it. Someone else came up with him, he wrote this, the most amazing article about languishing and the fact that how important it is to be able to talk about it because - look when it comes to mental health, we need to realise and accept that every single one of us have mental health. There's varying degrees, as we said, you've got the mental illness, and then you've got the sort of the awareness and the work that you can put in, like, Where do you want to be that we shouldn't just sit there and go: Oh, mental illness is once we are literally on the floor crawling around in the foetal position needing help. But for me, I don't think I need therapy anymore. But I wanted. And when I say therapy, I mean, actual therapy, sitting down having a discussion with someone. But I also mean like, nature, like going for walks, like throwing the ball for my dog down the beach and stuff like that. There are certain things around the world that are free, some you have to pay for, but ultimately go searching for the things that make you feel good about yourself. Like that's the key to life, get rid of the bad stuff, get rid of the hate, and just focus on the good. And your whole life turns around from that. I hate this idea. And I was one of them. I fell for it. Right? I didn't acknowledge that clearly what happened to me when I was 12 years old, losing my mom and all the other pieces that happened, the traumatic experiences that happened to me since then, I didn't acknowledge them, when perhaps - maybe I need to deal with this because if I don't, how the hell am I going to be a decent father to my son and my daughter? Like that awareness, I didn't have then. But again, we've got what - 40 experts as part of this series, and the Surgeon General, Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, she's absolutely fantastic. And she was talking about this concept of mental health being sort of public health, right. Because the services are so limited. There's not enough money. The problem is actually immense. How can we all help each other rather than this: 'Oh, once I'm broken, or once I'm suffering, I have to go here.' And there's not enough rooms or spaces for the amount of people or the for the need, when actually you can get ahead of it, and work on the prevention by sharing and being more vulnerable with each other, and being able to process this grief or this loss, or this trauma that every single one of us have experienced and will experience. So anyone who's sitting there going: 'I don't have a problem, and I never will have a problem.' Well, you probably are already contributing to the problem, because you probably got your blinkers on, you probably created your own echo chambers. So I think it's a that, that's certainly what I've experienced for my own process, my own journey, my family and my friends and everybody else is. Anyone who thinks, oh, we're fine. You're the one who's like, willing to talk about it. It's like, yeah, I'm willing to talk about it and talking about it. And the financial element as well. We're pouring money into on the downsteam, when it's like, Can we just focus upstream? Yeah, we focus on one thing, like to me listen to Oprah was what was one of the reasons that this whole thing started was two of the biggest issues that we're facing in today's world, I think, is the climate crisis, and mental health. And they're both intrinsically linked. Basically if we neglect our collective wellbeing, then we're screwed. Basically, because we can't look after ourselves. We can't look after each other. We can't look after each other, we can't look after this home that we all inhabit. So it's all part of the same thing.

DS: Prince Harry, I don't say this lightly. I love you. Thanks for coming. This was great.

M: Thank you so much.

PH: Thank you very much.

Wish I'd done my weeding.

[minijenn]

8 Favorite Works of the Year

So I wasn’t tagged to do this but I kinda wanted to anyway. Because I did a lot of creating this year and dangit I wanna look back on it fondly, so...

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 8 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome work!

To be fair I’m gonna pick four pieces of art and four chapters from my fics, two of each from either Keys or UF to be fair about things. With that said here  we go, in kind of no particular order! Starting with fics: 

Keys to the Kingdom, Chapter 22: Rise and Fall and Rise Again: So I wrote this chapter kind of at the start of all the Covid/lockdown madness, when I had just started working from home and felt kinda trapped inside my own apartment, with a lingering sense of doom hanging over my head just about every day (something that hasn’t really gone away). As a result, I poured my emotions into this one, a chapter I’d been planning for such a long time, only for it to come out even better than I could have expected! I think this is where Keys really starts to get good (well, this one and the chapter right before it that leads into it). Its the longest chapter of Keys (so far) and it really is just a ton of angst and hurt and comfort and kind of a pretty good character study for both Sora and Kairi if you ask me, and it does pave the way for Keys 2nd arc (which we’re knee deep in the middle of now!). Overall it has a lot of very poignant lines in it, a lot of emotional scenes, and some pretty cute moments of fluff mixed in to leave you feeling good, its a real treat every time I go back to revisit it. 

Universe Falls, Ch. 80, Part 1: Rifts: So this year was kinda sparse on really BIG UF chapters, but Rifts is for sure probably the biggest chapter in UF yet. And I’m so, so proud of it, I think it has some incredible high points of action in it, its very intense and emotional and the situation just keeps building from bad to worse and you really just feel for Steven, and Dipper, and Stepper alike and Bill is such an asshole in it and gah! Its so good I love it so much and I had such a fun time writing it, especially after waiting YEARS to finally get the chance to. I think its fantastic. 

Keys to the Kingdom, Ch. 27: What Once Was Mine: This is absolutely my favorite Disney world chapter in the entire fic so far (tho that second Beauty and the Beast chapter comes REALLY close to it!); it has such a broad range of emotions, starting out really fun and lighthearted and sweet and then it starts spiraling into fear and pain and intensity and finally it bottoms out at sheer despair, culminating in probably one of my favorite Trinity Trio scenes in this entire fic. Its not always easy mixing Keys’ original plot elements with the Disney stuff, but in this chapter it felt so natural to do so, like the Tangled stuff just fit so well. I love how it turned out and it really is another big turning point in the fic’s trajectory if you ask me. 

Universe Falls, Ch. 80, Part 3: Dimensions: So I ALMOST picked Memories for this list (and don’t get me wrong, I LOVE it!) but I think Dimensions has it beat by just a hair. Its just so intense and dramatic from start to end, with a huge epic battle against Bill, a real show of just how much Steven and Dipper care for each other, emotional reactions from just about the entire squad, and lasting impacts for the rest of the fic. I think it was a perfect way to conclude a trilogy of chapters I’d been so excited about writing since UF’s earliest days, and I’ll never stop being proud of how it all came together in the end. 

And now we move onto some art!

The RMD Promo art was a fun little pet project I wanted to take on, more for me than for the chapters itself. They’re all pretty symbolic to the tone/events of each chapter, from coloring, to posing, to the flower symbolism (which was so fun to research and implement), plus I can never pass up the opportunity to draw my best boy Stepper! 

My Castle of Dreams Sokai piece really just blew up in popularity here on Tumblr. Again it was just something fun and cute I wanted to do, because I have the moment envisioned so vividly in my mind I figured might as well draw it out and I still think it looks so nice, the way these two are looking at each other with such love in their eyes is.... 100% if ya ask me

The Dimensions cover fucking popped off. The coloring, the dynamic posing, the expressions, I really did kinda flex on this one. Yet for as many moving parts as there are in it, its a very simple piece as well, though I do kinda love the idea of Bill just... looming over everyone coming to kick his ass; it really is accurate to how the chapter itself goes down if ya ask me. 

Ok so I know I literally just fucking posted this thing yesterday but I’m proud of it (also I made a self-imposed rule that  commissions aren’t allowed to be in this, only art I drew of my own volition) and I drew this yesterday mostly for funsies and it... kinda got intense. Anyway, I’m trying to learn how to pose KH characters more dynamically and this was part of that. And I loooooove how creepy it is, its hella cool on that front if ya ask me. 

So yeah, I’m supposed to tag people who wanna do this but ehhhghghghghghg just go ahead and do the damn thing if you feel like it, I mean i wasn’t tagged and here I am so go nuts :3

[tsrookie]

Alright, so today’s the three-year anniversary of Reputation a.k.a the greatest album of all time, my baby, the light of my life, the album that deserved a Grammy (trying desperately not to think about the scene from Miss Americana😭), the album that introduced us to the most beautiful couple ever, the album that shut Kimye up, and I better stop now, or else I’m not gonna shut up.

So in honour of this momentous occasion (and the fact that I reached 200+ followers! Thank you so much you guys!🥺 Love you all 3000💙), here’s a loooooong post on why Reputation is the Ethan and MC album.

1. ...Ready For It?

No one has to know

Throwback to MC saying the exact same words back in Miami.

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

You should see the things we do, baby, mmm

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

I know I'm gonna be with you

So I take my time

Remember back when MC asked for Ethan to get into bed right away during their first time? Ethan told them that he had dreamt about the moment for months, so he wasn’t going to rush it.

2. End Game

Big reputation, big reputation

Ooh you and me would be a big conversation

These two dating would be the talk of the hospital, and they know it.

Even when we'd argue, we don't do it for long

And you understand the good and bad, end up in the song

For all your beautiful traits, and the way you do it with ease

For all my flaws, paranoia, and insecurities

Think these lines are pretty self-explanatory😌

I hit you like bang

We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't

*gets war flashbacks of the ‘reset’ phase*😭 They tried to make it work, but we all know how Ch 8 of book 2 went😌

I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me

Perfect for our chaotic MC😌

3. Don’t Blame Me

Do I... really have to explain this one?

For you, I would cross the line

I would waste my time

I would lose my mind

They say she's gone too far this time

Do we need a recap of our rule-breaking MC?

And baby, for you, I would fall from grace

Just to touch your face

If you walk away

I'd beg you on my knees to stay

He was willing to risk his (mostly) rule-abiding reputation for being with MC. And there’s no way he wouldn’t beg for MC not to leave him if he ever screwed up🤷‍♀️

4. Delicate

This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

Ethan stood by MC’s side throughout the Ethics hearing, when her reputation was completely smeared, and people only saw her as a patient murderer. He didn’t know about the sabotages, but he would’ve definitely supported her if he had known.

We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?

Commitment-phobia🙃

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep

Are you ever dreaming of me?

Sometimes when I look into your eyes

I pretend you're mine, all the damn time

They spent so much of time apart, not able to be with each other, so the least they could do was dream of being with each other all the time.

5. So It Goes (an underrated af bop)

What can I say... it’s a sex song, okay? Don’t make me go into the details😂 Just listen to the lyrics, and all will be clear.

6. Gorgeous (Tumblr won’t let me put any more links)

MC’s eternal anthem to Ethan.

Whisky on ice, Sunset and Vine

You've ruined my life, by not being mine

We all know Ethan loves Whiskey, and the second line? C’mon!

You're so gorgeous

I can't say anything to your face

'Cause look at your face

And I'm so furious

At you for making me feel this way

But, what can I say?

You're gorgeous

Ethan Ramsey is famous for two reasons. One: his smart brain, I guess😒 Two: HIS LOOKS!!! HE’S GORGEOUS, AND DON’T DENY IT.

And you should think about the consequence

Of you touching my hand in the darkened room (dark room, dark room)

Ah, the olden days of hand holding in the diagnostics office🥺

Ocean blue eyes looking in mine

I feel like I might sink and drown and die

No explanation required.

You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah

There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have

You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad

The wonderful will-they-won’t-they saga. The frustrating hot-and-cold behaviour. The ‘We can’t’, ‘It’s unethical’ and ‘It’s complicated’. MC deserves an award for her patience😓

7. King Of My Heart

I'm perfectly fine, I live on my own

I made up on my mind, I'm better off bein' alone

Ethan ‘I don’t believe in soulmates and nobody’s waiting at home’ Ramsey.

And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

And all at once, you are all I want, I'll never let you go

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

This could be from both Ethan and MC’s perspectives. The love they share isn’t something that you get easily. It’s something that MC has waited for her whole life, and something Ethan never knew he needed, but now can’t live without🥺

Late in the night, the city's asleep

Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

Change my priorities

The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

This was definitely Ethan throughout book 2, after he finally gave in. He let go of his previous rules and regulations, especially during the time of the attack. He was clearly affected, and once MC was alright, his main priority was her, and her alone.

Is the end of all the endings?

My broken bones are mending

With all these nights we're spending

Ethan’s been burnt a lot in the past. But all those wounds are now healing thanks to MC.

Up on the roof with a school girl crush

Drinking beer out of plastic cups

They act like lovesick teenagers around each other, like, that’s literally their description if you choose to kiss Ethan for the first time in Chapter 14 of book 2!😅

Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff

Baby, all at once, this is enough

We all know about his initial fear of his mother reaching out to him for the sake of his money. To him, MC not talking advantage of him is a pretty big deal, even though it’s never mentioned. You just know, you know?🥺

8. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

My, my love had been frozen

Deep blue, but you painted me golden

Again, Ethan doesn’t have the best experience with love. But MC changed that.

I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

This could go both ways, cause they’re both piping hot messes😬 (but love each other anyway🥺)

The rest of this song could have made so much more sense for them if we had gotten some sort of a secret relationship storyline. But oh well, I’m definitely not complaining about the gala😌 (and definitely not believing any of the supposed cancelled storylines)

9. Dress

Our secret moments

In a crowded room

They got no idea

About me and you

I mean... pretty obvious😌

Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me

And I woke up just in time

Now I wake up by your side

My one and only, my lifeline

This is practically Ethan’s train of thought, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

As for the rest of the steamier lyrics... I’ll um... let you guys listen to it yourselves😁

10. Call It What You Want

I wrote an entire fic inspired by this song, so excuse me for the shameless self-promo, but go give it a read?🥺👉👈(totally fine if you don’t! I’ve probably made so many posts about this song that y’all know the meaning anyway😅)

11. New Years Day

Don't read the last page

But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away

I want your midnights

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

MC has always stayed by Ethan’s side, even when he’s pushed her away. These lines perfectly explain how she wants his worst times, and his best, the midnights they spend staying up together, and the moments where it’s just the two of them, when everyone else has left, like the aftermath of a New Years party (still mad at the fact that we didn’t get to see the gang celebrate New Year together😭)

I'll be there if you're the toast of the town babe

Or if you strike out and you're crawling home

The above explanation for these lines as well.

Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

Becoming strangers to each other would be their worst nightmares. Knowing that the other was out there in the world somewhere, but not being in their lives would kill them.

You and me forevermore

These two are each other’s soulmate, they know it, even if they haven’t said it yet. Forever wouldn’t be enough for them to shower each other with they love they hold for each other. But it’s a good start.

——————————

If you guys made it this far, then I honestly love you more than words can ever express🥺💙 Thanks for putting up with my Swiftie-Directioner-Ethan stan ass, cause I dunno if I’d ever be able to handle someone like myself. And if you read all the above stuff, then I hope you wanna know why this album means so much to me.

Reputation is perceived as a dark album, when in reality it’s truly about finding love amongst all the noise. This album, and Taylor and Joe’s story, taught me what true love actually is, and Ethan and MC cemented that. This album and these two couples (quite literally) saved my life.

The most beautiful part about both these relationships is that even though they never showed it openly, for the sake of their relationships, both Ethan(in the story) and Joe stood by the side of the one’s they loved, despite half of the people who they knew hating on them, or betraying them. And I think that’s what’s truly important. Forming a true relationship like that, be it platonic or romantic, is long lasting, and I hope everyone finds those kind of people to fill their hearts with. Sending much love, and sorry for being a huge sap😅💙

Tagging a couple of my Swiftie homies: @swiftlydarcy @nikki-2406 @dxnicaramsey @kaavyaethanramsey @caseyvalentineramsey @drariellevalentine @justanotherrookie

[thoschei-rights]

Season 12 but The Master kept pretending to be O??

Basically self-indulgent Thoschei with a twist.

lots of typos bc?? i aint got time to go correct stuff yet? I will later?? 

So Spyfall is resolved, The Kasaavin are banished back to their realm and the Fam and Doctor are clueless as to the true mastermind, Barton taking the fall while the Master continues to pose ad O, having decided he’s enjoying the game of tricking her too much.

Perhaps among their texts they’ve grown close, or perhaps the brief time together in the outback led to events?? ;) But either way, he changes his mind mid plan and continues to act human.

Since he never leaves the message or has the confrontation in Paris, the doctor remains unaware of Gallifrey’s destruction. The fam wait off on asking their questions since she isn’t off with them.

Orphan 55 happens, and while the fam go do their shit, O stays with the Doctor bc admit it, she was like oh ;-; when everyone went to explore. My poor baby. So they hang out together before everything goes to shit, how cute?? Things get resolved, but with the revelation of one of earth’s potential fates, and the potential that the doctor lied about knowing, the fam decide to ask to know more about her. She shares what she believes its true at the time, being born on gallifrey and being a timelord, O looms in the background looking awkward bc he knows none of that is true and he feels horrible keeping the truth from her, it makes him as bad as the rest of the time lords- but he is selfish and he doesn’t want to stop what he’s doing, he’s started to really enjoy her company, its everything he’s ever wanted, every star.

And then it’s ruined when Yaz asks to see her own planet. Blissfully unaware of its destruction, she takes them, and so they’re right there with her when she sees, opens the doors to the rubble, the dying flames- and oh god. The fam are horrified, she’s horrified, O has to fake it, while being utterly glad those nasties are dead- maybe he gets to sneakily comfort hug her??? like she’s trying not to tear up even after that whole shit show of the confession dial, it was her home??so yeah he’s like hugging her but he’s so angry bc they dont deserve her tears?? 

The doctor is off after that, and the fam know why, and none of their words of comfort do much, because sure they’ve just witnessed the death of earth too but that is just one timeline, can be completely avoided, while gallifrey is gone forever, and she believes she’s once more the last of her kind. it hurts.

they visit tesla all the same, and when that big ass scorpion looking alien (bc im sorry i didnt like the episode and i’ve forgotten her name so....) mentions dead planets, she can feel the fam stiffen, as though the doctor is gonna blow at any minute, but she keeps calm, tries to bury the rage, but O can tell, can tell by the way her arms shake, hands clenched into fists in her pockets- and it hurts him to see her like this- the longer he spends around her, pretending to be someone he’s not, he’s just realizing more and more what a dumbass he is and that he’s still as in love with her now than he was all those years ago in the academy- none of the truth will change that-

and then boom the shit show with the judoon occurs and suddenly O is confused af because that Lee guy could ONLY have been him. Who else on gallifrey was stupid enough to hide out with the doctor, marry them and die for them?? him because he’s a dumbass? but he’s a dumbass who definitely doesnt remember this memories?? which theoretically in the doctors timeline should have been sometime after the division? or during? he’s not sure? but to his knowledge he shouldn’t have been alive at this stage? and now he’s not sure what the fuck HIS own life is too? did they take his memories from him too? has he lost part of his life? suddenly the truth doesnt seem as known as he thought- so while the doctor is reeling from the information of Ruth being her somehow? O is having his own mental crisis because what the fuck did they do to him too? what is he missing?? 

praxeus continues as similar as it did originally, O is only the tiniest impressed at Yaz, ever since Spyfall he’d sensed she was the human with the most potential to not be utterly worthless so he’s glad at least one of the doctors latest pets seems to have some initiative?? but yeah i dont wanna change much about praxeus? its not important- except the doctor saying she’s a romantic and the master wants that? wait what- he’s conflicted about his own thoughts? he wanted to break her, destroy her with the truth? but he also just wants to wrap her in his arms? make everything as okay as he can? what the fuck is even happening with him? jsut your usual ‘im a mess’ vibes lmao

when can you hear me? rolls around, it happens in a similar way, i dont wanna get to into it because i dont wanna think too much...the episode was weird, it was just weird-- i cant?? although maybe bc that zellin and the lady whose name i forgot...but they were immortal right?? maybe their species is the doctors species?? huh? huh? think about that- but don’t think too hard bc i hate that theory and i’m gonna pretend i never had that thought- lets just ignore can you hear me even though the end made me cry for yaz bc lol relatable sis, relatable. do whatever you want for this bit fam, idc.

Anyyyyyway. the bit I’m waiting for... Villa Diodati ;) O is ready to smack Byron round the face, fingers itching towards the tce everytime he tries to flirt with the doctor. the lone cyberman appears and wopdie doo earth is going to be destroyed and the doctor is about to do something stupid, thinking there is no other way? the master is like um lol change of plans i dont want the cybermen to win, look how in pain my baby theta is?? i gotta help?? oof? and idk, his patience is like nope all gone? and he whips out his TCE on the lone cyberman and boom. crisis averted? except now the doctor is looking at him in horror and shock and- she realizes who he is then and there, and normally he’d made a big drama out of his, throw in some words, a speech about how easy it was to deceive her, how he destroyed gallifrey- about how he was under her nose this whole time- but he doesn’t, instead he meets her gaze and can barely manage to whisper an “im sorry” and wow shit i wasn’t gonna write that version, i was gonna have feral confrontation but now im stanning a sad master who just needs a hug and some therapy because nothing makes sense, he thought he had everything figured out but he doesnt and he just wANTS HIS FRIEND BACK uiferkghlujkfaghjfkgladhfajkg; i m fine 

i dont know what i wanna do after this point? it could go a lot of different ways?? but thoschei rights bitches. could go angst confrontation and then she abandons him in whatever century that was set bc wow i studied frankenstein in school but i couldnt tell you what century the author is from bc im dumb? 18th? maybe idk that seems likely? or 19th? but anyway yeah or maybe she’s just relieved someone else is alive? or is she shouting for answers or?? i dunno.... but woop ??? 

wow this turned into a big mess but hopefully you can kinda see where i wanna head with things? after this he’d probably show her the truth? i dunno how that’d go down, but he’d be there with her?? But anyway, this idea is free for anyone to write, but holla us a link and I'll give yall a free promo at the end of this post!!

Versions of this that yall Lovelies have blessed us with:

[flyfireflyfly]

Tagged: Self-Promo

Was tagged by @promisesox for a self-promotion thingy, with posting 5 of your favorite creations. Technically only 3 of mine are complete, but I wanted to include the other 2. Anyone who wants self-promote, consider this as me tagging you ♥

1. All I Want For Christmas

My first story, posted 7 years ago. It doesn’t seem like that much time has gone by. I used to go back and read it every so often. It amazes me how much my writing has changed, and how much is still the same.

2. Hope and Chances

I do have some regrets with certain stories. There’s about 5 of them I’ve actually come to hate. Hope and Chances is one though that I think I really got it right. There isn’t anything about it that I would change.

3. A Good Girl

1,982 subscribers on AFF. My most subscribed story, more than double my second most subscribed story. I take it to mean that it’s my most popular fic. I don’t know why that is, but I can honestly say it gave me a huge confidence boost seeing so many people enjoy it. It really made me feel like an actual writer, that I can expand in to other genres or themes, that my stuff really was worth reading. That I didn’t mess up again. 1,982 may not seem like much, especially compared to a lot of other writers on AFF, but it means everything to me.

4. This-title-keeps-changing

Blurred cause I’m too embarrassed for it to be seen >.<  They’re notes, filling up a notebook that @supastareden​ had gifted me. It’s for a book I’m writing. Well, I’m not really sure yet if it’ll be 1 or 2 books... And “writing” is a bit of a stretch since I haven’t been doing anything let alone writing... But, yeah. I’m writing a book. One day (probably in about 30 years) it’ll be published, even if I have to self-publish it.

5. Doll

Again, I’m really not writing. I work 6 days a week. My brain simply shuts off when I get home. When I do write, I get a paragraph or so down. And it’s agonizing that that is all I can manage. It feels like I lost the ability to write anything more than those book notes in a notebook while daydreaming. Yet I still keep going back every couple of weeks or so to jot down a few more sentences. I’ve been working on Doll, a smut fic with Yongguk, for a little over a year now. It’s still not finished and I’ll cry in the shower about that later, but here’s the first 2 chapters:

1)

As you woke up, you kept your eyes closed. You could feel your mat under you and the warmth that it gave off. It was odd but it was something you loved. Something about that heat that calmed you and strengthened you. Letting the moment go, you finally opened your eyes and sat up. The room was completely dark like always, save for a thin strip of light shining in from under the door that helped you make out all the other bodies around you. They each had their own mats that were crammed together, fitting as many people as possible in to the one room. Or rather, as many 'dolls' as possible. You looked at the male doll to your right. He was sitting up and picking at a loose thread on his boxers. You turned your gaze to your own clothing. A black lingerie set with lots of lace that barely hid anything. Adjusting it, you checked to make sure it wasn't falling apart anywhere. You liked it much better than the previous set you wore and you didn't want to have it replaced just yet. Suddenly the room got much brighter and you lifted your head. The door was open and a woman beckoned everyone out. "Let's go!" You stood with the rest of the group and shuffled forward. Once through the doorway, you found yourself in a brightly lit hallway. Its white walls were empty of any decoration. You kept walking, following the lady and the rest of the dolls. Another door and you entered a room that was a tiny bit more inviting. The lush carpet felt better on your bare feet than the hard linoleum of the hallway. On the light blue walls hung pictures, all of dolls in various sexual poses. The group separated with the boys lining up against one wall and the girls moving to the opposite side. Time for work. You glanced over to your left and saw the doorway that had a curtain hanging in it. Through it was a much larger room where the sales took place. Other dolls would be lined up in there, the ones that were 'new'. Dolls that haven't been with anyone and could fetch a higher price. You and the rest of the dolls in the back were technically for sale, but it was unheard of for a working doll to be bought. There were rumors of it happening in other stores though. The curtain moved and the lady from before walked in with another woman. "Here is our selection of males." The new woman slowly walked down the line, eyeing every one of the guys, before stopping in front of a large, muscular man. "I'll take this one." "Great. He is your keycard for your room. You're in room number one." The customer took the card and headed towards the stairs. The male doll followed after her, putting his arm around her waist and settling his hand on her hip. He said something quietly to her that you couldn't hear, and she responded with a flirtatious giggle. When they disappeared from view, you glanced back over at the curtained doorway. The lady was gone now, back up front where she could assist any other customers. There would be plenty more throughout the day that would pay for the backroom experience. Select a doll of their preference to be taken upstairs and have their way with. Suppressing a sigh, you leaned back against the wall and waited. It was only a few minutes later though that the curtain was pulled back again so you hurriedly straightened. The man examined the line of females before his gaze lingered on you. You subtly shifted, sticking a hip out and pulling your shoulders back to show off your curves. "This one." A coy smile formed on your face and you stepped forward. "Good choice. She's one of our newest dolls. I'm sure you'll be happy with her."

The man wrapped his arm around your waist and lead you to the stairs. The wood steps didn't feel as good on your bare feet as the carpet, and the customer's hand that moved down to grab your ass wasn't pleasant either. But you ignored all that and went up to the second floor. On this floor were several doors, each with a room number on them. The male went over to the third room and opened the door with the keycard. You swept past him through the doorway while glancing around the room. It was identical to the others, just big enough to fit a large bed with a small television in the corner. Suddenly you were shoved and you stumbled forward. Then you were pushed again, making you practically fall on to the bed. You crawled on to it and rolled your eyes at the guy's impatience. When you looked back at him though, you made sure you kept your face neutral so he wouldn't see any displeasure. The man stripped off his clothes in a hurry, his sharp gaze never leaving your body. It was a look you had seen before and mentally cursed. You started to take off your clothes, only managing to unclasp your bra, when he closed the distance to you. He yanked the bra off before grabbing your underwear with both of his hands. There was a distinct sound of cloth ripping as he wrenched them down your legs. You watched helplessly as he threw the panties aside. He dropped down on to you and without warning, he pushed in to you, filling you with his whole length. You threw your head back as you cried out, and then gritted your teeth as he started thrusting in to you. There was always the ones that only cared about their pleasure. So you simply laid there and let him have his way with you while listening to his grunting. He planted his hands onto the bed on either side of you and pushed up so he was hovering over you. Even now he stared at your bare breast, his gaze never wavering. You examined everything about him. His demeanor, his expression, and mostly the way he was ruthlessly pounding in to you. He didn't want pleasure. He wanted dominance. Shrinking in to yourself, you screwed up your face to reflect more of the pain he was giving you. Instead of moaning, you whined and whimpered. Finally he met your gaze and you hoped there was enough weakness in your eyes. You didn't have to wait long to find out as his pace faltered. He grimaced and let out a string of profanities before collapsing down on to you. His slick, sweaty skin made you wrinkle your nose in disgust, but you forced yourself to endure it until he finally rolled off of you. Panting still, he sat up and surveyed your body. He reached over and grabbed one of your boobs, squeezing it roughly and making you hiss as you arched your back. Then he let go and his hand moved between your legs, groping you. "Not bad." he nonchalantly said. He moved off of the bed and started getting dressed. You took that as a signal that he was done with and climbed off the bed as well. Instead of putting your bra and underwear back on though, you held them in your hands. It was standard protocol, though you would have stayed naked anyways. The last thing you wanted was to get his sweat and stink on them. Only after he left the room did you leave, following him to the stairwell. As he went downstairs, you hurried through a door tucked away in corner. It led to a small bathroom with an open shower area. You stepped under one of the showerheads and a stream of warm water hit you. You cleaned yourself thoroughly before moving to the shelves that held clean towels. As you were drying yourself, the male doll that had went upstairs before you entered. He didn't spare you a glance though as he went in to the showers. Dropping the towel in to a bin, you retrieved your lingerie. Holding up the underwear, you found a slight tear along the seem and pouted. Just as you feared, that asshole ruined them. You carefully dressed, being extra mindful to not tear it anymore. Hopefully they'll last till the end of the day so you could try to mend them. Once you were ready, you left the bathroom and descended the stairs. There were a few dolls still lined up but you noticed some were missing. More than likely upstairs with their own clients. You took your spot along the wall while suppressing a sigh and waited for your next customer.

2)

The day slowly passed by with a steady stream of clients coming and going. Of course it got busier in the evenings. People getting off work and coming in for one little tryst before heading home. Sometimes there would even be clients waiting for their turn in a separate lounge, insisting on a particular doll. Stifling a yawn, you watched as the curtain was pulled back yet again. The newest customer examined both lines of dolls and you silently prayed you wouldn't be chosen, even as they neared you. Then they picked the girl standing beside you and you forced yourself not to let out a breath in relief. They barely made it halfway up the stairs though when you heard the rustle of the curtain. You glanced over at the doorway and inhaled sharply. The man shyly smiled as the storekeeper directed him over to the female dolls, causing an odd sensation to form in your stomach. "This is her." They stopped in front of you, which meant that this was a special request. You took a hesitant step forward and eyed the man curiously. There was no denying how handsome he was, even in just a simple t-shirt and jeans. And with the way the lady who ran the store was standing so close, you had a feeling you weren't the only one admiring his looks. "Here is your keycard." she said and held it up from him. When he went to take it from her, she quickly put her hand over his to stop him. "I do hope you enjoy your time. Let me know if there is anything you need." A small smile formed on your face over her behavior, and it grew larger as you noticed him blush. "Thank you." he replied as he took the keycard from her. Then he turned his attention to you. "Uh... well..." He indicated for you to walk ahead of him, much like a gentleman would with a lady. That odd feeling in your stomach intensified and you attempted to ignore it. Nodding politely at him, you started to head towards the stairs. He walked beside you, not touching you and making him stand out even more. He didn't act like every other man that entered the back room. Once you were on the second floor, he checked the number on the keycard. "Room ten." Then he examined the doors near the stairwell. "It's further down." you informed him. Taking his hand, you led him down the hallway to the right door. After unlocking it, the man opened the door and stepped aside. You moved past him to enter the room first and made your way to the end of the bed. You turned around and stood there, waiting. He  never approached you though. He simply stood there, hesitating, as if he was unsure what to do. "What's wrong?" you asked. Then a thought came to you as you recalled the shy smile he had earlier. "Oh wait, here." You went to the television and pushed the power button. Instantly a porno was shown on the screen, accompanied with the loud wailing of a woman. His eyes widened in surprise as he stared at the television. "Oh, uh... Actually..." He closed the distance and turned it off. Then he turned to you. He hesitated once more before he gently placed his hands on your hips and kissed you. This time you were surprised, but you hurriedly kissed him back. You set your own hands on his arms just as gently. You knew now what he was expecting. He wanted a more personal experience and you made a mental note of that in case he came back. He pulled back and licked his lips as he gaze lowered. His hands slid up your sides before going back down, moving just past your hips. Then he brought them upwards again, much higher than before. He briefly met your gaze, as if giving you a chance to protest. When you didn't, he moved his hands over your breast, fondling them. Reaching up behind you, you unclasped your bra. He licked his lips once more, this time in anticipation, and moved his hands back. You let the bra slip off of you to fall on to the floor. More hesitation, even as you noticed the growing lust in his eyes, and then he grabbed your breast. More gentleness, so when he suddenly squeezed them roughly, you gasped as your back arched. Then his fingers toyed with your nipples, pinching them and rubbing them as they hardened. The fact that he wanted it to be personal filled your mind again. "What's your name?" He looked away from your breast and raised his eyebrows. "Yongguk." You closed the distance, forcing his hands to move away. Tilting your head slightly, you began to pepper his neck with kisses. Your hands found the hem of his shirt before disappearing under it. Running you hands over his skin, you started to lightly suck as his neck as well. A sigh escaped his lips, encouraging you to continue. So when you sucked on one particular spot that made him stiffen, you gave his neck a harsh suck. You were rewarded with a tiny cry, sending tingles through your body. Then you pulled back and licked his neck upwards to his ear. You sucked on his earlobe just as your fingers ran over his nipples. "Yongguk." you quietly whimpered in to his ear. "Fuck." He swiftly stripped off his shirt before grabbing you and yanking you closer. His lips smashed in to yours, eagerly kissing you as his hands squeezed your ass.

You squirmed against him, causing you to feel the forming hardness in his pants. You attempted to wrap your leg around his but he suddenly started pushing against you. Kissing him still, you awkwardly walked backwards as he guided you. Then your legs hit the bed and you unwillingly broke off the kiss. You moved on to the bed and scooted backwards until you reached the pillows. Yongguk followed you, crawling over you. Before he could lay down, you reached downwards and rubbed your hand over his dick. He let out a moan, his mouth dropping open as his eyes unfocused. Fluttering in your chest left you breathless, and you quickly set about undoing his jeans. As soon as you felt the cloth of his boxers, you pushed your hand inside them and wrapped your fingers around his hard member. You only managed a few strokes through when he forced your hand a away. Pinning your wrists to the bed, he leaned down kissed you once more. You closed your eyes and managed to hold back a moan until you felt Yongguk's tongue moving over your lips. As soon as you gave him an opening, his tongue entered your mouth for a brief moment. Then he pulled back and gently kissed your jaw. Your neck, your shoulder, your collarbone. He shifted to the side and brought his mouth down on your left breast, sucking on it and causing your back to arch. You opened your eyes to watch him just as he nibbled on your nipple. Biting your lip, you attempted to lift your arms but he forced them to stay against the bed. Pulling back slighting, he flicked your hardened nipple with his tongue a few time. Then he met your gaze as he relinquished your arms. You no longer had any desire to move them though as he slid further down your body, leaving a trail of kisses along your stomach and to your lace panties. He hooked his fingers in to them and sat up. You lifted some of your weight so he could smoothly pull the last of your clothes off of you, leaving you completely naked for him. He looked over you body, his gaze lingering a bit more in certain places. Reaching forward, he slipped his fingers through your wet folds and a quiet moan escaped him. He circled your entrance with one finger and then moved upwards to your clit. He pushed on it a few times before rubbing it. You gasped as pleasure flowed through your body, causing your legs to stretch out and your back to arch off the bed. You closed your eyes and let yourself drown in it. Which was easy to do as you felt him quicken his pace. It wasn't long until you were squirming, your heavy panting filling the room. "Yongguk." you whined as you shuddered. The pleasure disappeared as he moved his hand away. You opened your eyes to watch him remove the rest of his clothing. Once naked, he draped his body over you, settling between your legs and rubbing his dick on you. His lips found yours again for a brief moment before he shifted and you felt him pushing in to you. A long moan escaped him and he pressed his face in to your neck. Then he began to rock his hips, swiftly pumping in to you. You gasped and quickly reached up with your hands to grab him. The pleasure from before returned with ferocity, a storm threatening to break you in to pieces. His name played on your lips over and over, turning in to a desperate chant. Which seemed to only urge him on and his pace increased. His moans growing louder and coming more frequently to drown you out. Tremors racked his body and his arms wrapped around you tightly. As if clinging on to you could help temper his own storm consuming him. Finally something inside you snapped and you cried out as your body jerked. Seconds later Yongguk cried out as well and his hips slammed in to you, pushing his dick deep in to you as he cummed. Then he collapsed on to you.

You laid there, listening to his heavy breathing, and holding on to him. His sweaty body didn't repulse you like your first client much to your surprise. And when he went to roll off of you, you were reluctant to release him. He laid on his back next to you and you rolled on to your side in order to look at him. "That was better than I expected." he stated with a small chuckle. Then his eyes met yours and a blush graced his face. You smiled and sat up before leaning towards him. You trailed a hand down the side of his face, caressing him and earning a startled look from him. You ignored it though and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. Which only made him blush harder and you giggled. With a shy smile, he sat up and slipped off the bed. You watched as he rounded the bed to retrieve his clothes before climbing off the bed yourself. You gathered up your lingerie and waited for him. When he was done dressing, he glanced at you and hesitated as he eyed your still naked body. "I have to go clean up." you informed him. More blushing and another shy smile. "Oh... yeah." He indicated towards the door and you nodded your head to signal that you were ready. Then he opened it and moved aside for you to leave the room first. The two of you walked down the hallway in silence. At the staircase, he started to go but stopped when he noticed you weren't following. "I have to go in there." You pointed to the cleaning room's door and then as an afterthought, you asked, "I'll see you around?" There was a bit of surprise in his eyes but then he smiled at you. "Sure."

[allet-space]

I try to contextualize the weird flashback scenes in the promo: The Novel

Let’s asses the ending and potential continuation in the finale logically to calm the impeding sense of doom that  I feel we all feel:

-The promo indicates that Steven will be heading to Homeworld

-Steven’s behavior after being pressured into speeding up time was to run away from the CGs. He doesn’t have his powers much under control, rather he likely feels he’s lost even more control. He only came back to heal Jasper. It is likely he will be wasting next to no time at home and instead try to immedietly leave. He doesn’t want to endanger anyone.

-The pink White Diamond indicates Homeworld won’t be what he hoped. The promo shows him in the house while looking all innocent but powered up. If this is before leaving for Homeworld, it might be the last push, having everyone see that less than optimal side of him. If it’s after, then he heads to Homeworld and comes back as someone else.

-Likely the diamonds show him how to deal with his powers how they always did: which is, uhh, badly. Spinel is there, but her history with Steven isn’t all that great and with Steven’s fragile state, he can’t guide them. He needs guidance himself. I doubt Spinel will be on board with the diamond’s bullshit, but that’s a 50/50. Either way I find it unlikely that she will be able to sway things for the better. We can safely assume Homeworld teaches Steven the wrong things and the diamonds only manage to twist him further, with an intense event such as pink White Diamond proving to him and really hammering home that they’re no help.

-I’ve seen people theorize WD tries to take back the pink powers and fails to control them, which would be a good example for such an event. Perhaps she is just reminded of that feeling and goes into pink mode herself, and that makes Steven realize not even the diamonds can help him without him hurting them. Both are plausible, and end with Steven leaving in despair, his last option exhausted.

-Steven returns, most likely in his, and I hate to call it that, chad state. In the promo we hear him say “I help people, I don’t hurt them.”  Which is very, very ironic considering HE LITERALLY SHTTERED JASPER. I’m still not 100% convinced that it wasn’t just all a collective feverdream that we all had because that can’t be real.

-Anyway so he returns looking not like our son, and talking down what happened and what he can do in that state. This indicates to me that White Diamond got to him, badly. Messing with Steven’s head isn’t easy: Usually it’s Steven messing with other people (usually with good intentions, but he changes people’s beliefs with ease none the less). The only time we see Steven being messed with is Jasper, and before, White Diamond.

-Out of all gems, she managed to stab him in his weak spot with just a few words in the way we usually see Steven do. So much so that he does actually start questioning himself. He starts questioning everything he ever knew, everything he ever believed. He starts questioning whether he really is Rose, Pink, his reasoning against her comes slow, quiet, and with a weak and unsure voice... until Connie yells at Steven not to listen to her. Out of EVERYONE, if ANYONE can change Steven’s beliefs - and they’re already on the edge after all the stuff Jasper hammered into his poor brain - it’s White Diamond.

-And yeah the diamonds have good intentions, and they follow after Steven and all that. But that’s just it. HE is asking THEM for help. HIS methods, by that logic, or perhaps the diamonds think it’s logical, AREN’T WORKING. So of course they help him their way, because that’s the only way they CAN help him.

-White Diamond is going to talk to him, perhaps in a similar way that Jasper did before they started training. He asks for guidance, he gets guidance. White Diamond is going to fill his confused and guidance-deprived mind with HER philosophy during his weakest moments, and by the looks of it? It’s going to work. It’s very in character for her, and similar to what we’ve already seen. We know she can do this. We know she WILL do this if neccessary. And we know Steven will soak it all up like a sponge no matter WHAT she says.

-This indicates Steven is NOT at his lowest point. His lowest point will be brought fourth by whatever brainwash White Diamond does to him. And I’m afraid. Very, very afraid. Someone said that he might try to justify the Diamond’s actions towards pink, but honestly, it could be anything. He might try to play down what he did to Jasper, or really just show that his beliefs were changed or maybe he’s trying to convince himself that they have. He could justify his powers, or his pink state.

-I predict that while something happens at Homeworld to White Diamond, something to turn her pink, she manages to get to Steven and mess with him and implant some semblence of Homeworld’s old philosophy into him. Perhaps she even uses what happened to her as ANOTHER reason as to why she’s right. I do FULLY believe her capable to twist facts and events like that.

-We have the promo show us that everyone, INCLUDING Jasper, are very shocked to see something. Now the promos have a bad history of overplaying normal moments and not actually showing the ACTUAL intense moments. Last time we saw shock like that it was the famythist which we found out were just looking at holly blue, which makes it hard to believe that we got an actual serious moment.

-However, it would make sense everyone is in Mild Shock when their baby boy son returns looking like... that. Connie is there, so yes, I do think its safe to assume that this is AFTER Steven returns from Homeworld... though it’s also possible that this is right after Fragments, and this is everyone’s face when they find out Steven shattered Jasper. I’m just calling it now while I have the chance... but, moving on.

-He returns, everyone is in shock. He shows clear signs of acting NOT like his normal self at all and probably says a lot of bullshit.

-Now, judging by the promo... we also see him look at his reflection in surprise. I’m not sure if this is after his return, or shortly before. Shortly before it would be him simply seeing his powers are acting up, that he looks different, that he needs to leave, and perhaps that other scene happens before him leaving too. However, I would still place his misguided statements for after Homeworld.

-But then why is he surprised to see himself looking so much like Rose’s old form? Like Pink? My theory is that this may be one of his moments of realization. SOMEONE by dear god I DESPERATELY HOPE someone calls him out on what on earth he’s talking about and maybe even mentions his mother, making him see how much he is becoming like her, maybe making him pull back.

-HOWEVER, considering we are nearing a great climax and that would be nice... that might not actually be the case. Another possibility is that he only THEN notices HOW FAR HE’S GONE. Only THEN does he realize that he looks like a diamond, and maybe he doesn’t realize that White filled him with lies, but that what he is starting to believe in is Homeworld’s old philosophy. Which can go two ways. Either he questions whether White’s ideas really are right or, alternatively... he may even question whether the rebellion’s ideas are right. That would be a ride. Also Jasper would not help on that matter.

-We see flashbacks to the series, which is... concerning? Id rather they assume we know and have flashbacks be short clips like in Growing Pains, and this will likely be similar, but the clips will be a bit longer. And Id rather have new animation rather than flashbacks for the finale, but who knows! Maybe it’ll be a single scene like in Growing Pains.

-I SUSPECT that these clips, considering they have to do with the diamonds and Steven showing the Diamonds who he is, and TELLING them that they’re family, will be the flashbacks we see when White Diamond messes with Steven. This will be the evidence she will be using to sway him, with his own words, his own statements and actions. Which can be very, very effective.

-She may put emphasis on the fact that he has THREE main gems that always stood by his side, his close family, and insist he was missing the other three diamonds in his life. Especially since they’ve realized now, with Spinel, that that is possible at all. Or perhaps they BELIEVE that after spending time with Spinel, they think they know why Steven surrounded himself with those three gems.

-Then we have “Do you remember this place?” which may also be used by White Diamond to mess with him? Maybe show him that his gem family is flawed, or that even THEY think/thought that he was rose. Its intersting that Pearl says this bit. She knew all along, after all.

WOW THIS WAS A LONG POST

TLDR

-Steven comes out of bathroom, powers flourish, he goes to HW

-White Diamond uses the past and flashbacks and his own actions to fill his unsure brain with HW philosophy bullshit, maybe even using her pink mode as a reason, trying to make SURE Steven thinks its the only way if that pink mode is to never happen ever again (if he doesnt follow the philosophy, white would turn pink again and get hurt/hurt other gems)

-Steven comes back acting not like our beloved son but very different. He changes form and shocks everyone with his new appearance. Perhaps he himself only then realizes what he’s become?

-Corruption?? Monster???

-The key scenes are NOT in the promo. The entire promo is specifically from minor buildup scenes so we cant TRULY know what happens

[jlf23tumble]

Agree so much with your post about the teams and fan engagement ! And love the way you articulated all of that. Although now I definitely am interested in knowing what your notes about the specificity of each team/artist cause I feel like they'd be fascinating to read. Hope you'll post them some day, and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us ! 😊

Awwww, that’s very kind! It’s definitely head canon city, I litcherally have ZERO clue what goes on behind the scenes (and I can’t stress this enough, none of us do), so this’ll look hilariously dated when we find out that blah woof was true all along, lmao (me @ myself, thinking of some random Grimshaw interviews from last fall, oh, bless). Let’s dig in!!

For those of you who just stumbled upon this post, it’s related to the one I made last night about how I think the management teams of all these men (mid-20s means = you’re a man, not a boy) are not, in fact, sabotaging them. They negotiate a lot of tricky interconnected arrangements that none of us are privy, to, plus they’re at least trying to achieve the goals their clients are going for. And they’re doing it—the trick is these goals are highly individual and not 100% sensical (at least given our own view from the afternoon, Arctic Monkeys ref, holllllllah!!!).

In addition, these goals constantly shift, as does the music industry itself—I drive my own self loony when I lurk on blogs that are seemingly broadcasting from 2012, confused by why xx’s team is so “terrible” because they aren’t throwing good money after bad to get on a radio playlist, or why they haven’t announced yy “properly,” as if they’re being paid to worry about this level of shit (which fires me up on about five levels, deep breaths in, deep breaths out). I’m much nosier about the signals we’re getting when we hear them talk in their beautifully media-trained way about their musical interests, when we get some of that sweet, sweet fan service with a Gallagher or a Capaldi, when we get that heads up about who’s attending what concert, stuff like that. These signals don’t necessarily indicate future collaborations, but they DO indicate what kind of image these guys want to have, the kind of music they want the public to associate them with.

Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself…their personalities and goals at the moment are all so vastly different, and I truly do love seeing how their teams are workin’ it accordingly. Again, please @ god, don’t @ me…opinions, massively unpopular opinions, dead ahead!

* Zayn. My read on Zayn is that he enjoys the creative process, loves writing and singing, digs collabing with people, but he doesn’t seem to give two shits about the biz side (and why should he? that’s called living the dream at this particular point in his career). His website recently added “tour,” which EYEBALL EYEBALL, but he doesn’t seem to be all that interested in putting himself back out on stage or into radio/print/etc. anytime soon, and again, why should he? His numbers are HUGE without pushing himself through the anxiety-provoking churn he endured for four years, so there’s no real drive for him to do any promo if he doesn’t want to (see: the netflix-like binge dump of Icarus Falls, which could be “sabotage,” or it could just be, “fineeeeeeee, here’s some stuff for you, enjoy”). What other artist gifts his fans with gorgeous covers of such a wide variety of songs that indicate he’s more interested in sharing them than selling them. Accordingly, his fan interactions seem fairly pure and not all that promo-y: he has a keen interest in fanart, he’s done some fan pop-ups/listening parties that are pretty low-key and *seemingly* fan-focused, and recently (with zero anything to really promote), he’s been posing for cute pics and chatting with randos on the streets of NYC. I recently read that his mgmt team is no longer with him, but that sort of folds into my feeling that he’s not pursuing anything biz-wise, hence no need to jump through those particular hoops (I think he’s also struggled with a lot of demons, so yeah, why add one more). Could he be adrift? Maybe, but the next guy is the posterman for lack of focus….

* Liam. Honestly, I worry about Liam most of all. His post-1D career seems very much adrift, and I like to joke that he’s giving me that tell-all about the D one sentence at a time, but goddamn, are people listening? The struggles with alcohol, the lack of focus on every level, the reliance on his dad’s career advice (which more clearly reflects his dad’s financial class, background, and history than it does Liam’s), and the overall confusion about look, sound, and direction also flow back directly into his team. I get the feeling that they aren’t sure what to do because LIAM isn’t sure what to do or what he wants, so they follow in his wake. He’s agreeable to a fault, so seeing him at a meet-and-greet at an HMV in Birmingham last week felt like a step back into 2010 for no real reason, just like hearing that he was more or less coerced into full nude photoshoots for an underwear ad (the decisions to say yes to both of those—who’s steering this ship? If it’s Liam, he needs to tell the team his overall goal, so they can plot a course he and his fans can follow; if it’s the team, ditto). Like Niall, Liam’s actually pretty good at the SM game: lots of selfies, snapchat filters, outfits, gym service, twitter interactions. But generally speaking, his promo is confusing, and that’s probably because there isn’t much *to* promote at this point, other than a mix of collabs, clothing endorsements, spon con, horse farms, and an album that’s always on the horizon. This might be tied to the general post-1D jolt they all went through, like a plane coming off autopilot and into the hands of someone who’s just learning how to fly it. Zayn debuted at number one, so his bump wasn’t as harsh, but the others are slowly, steadily finding their footing after taking some time to find themselves and their sound, releasing songs/albums, performing (or in Louis’s case, going through unspeakable tragedy). Liam’s still adrift…and somewhat admittedly, which is kind of telling in its own way. Just know that my nervousness on his behalf ratchets up every time he feels the urge to assure us all that he’s happy.

* Niall. Truly the one following the original 1D template, right down to working with most of the same people but with more of the overall control in his hands instead of a faceless management squad. Of any of them, he seems the most ambitious, the most scientific about the sound he’s after and how he’s gonna get there. His promo is a mix of new and traditional—radio shows, talk shows, podcasts, special events, twitter interactions with fans, twitter interactions with entertaining celebrities—and it’s all hustle hustle hustle, build build build, as if he were a new ingenue instead of coming up hard on solo album number two. He’s explicit in his goals, which is refreshing, but it means he walks a weird line with fans: on one hand, he’s done with their bullshit, get ready to get rekt if you start commenting on his boring food seasoning or home décor. But on the other hand, he fully recognizes how much he needs them, which is why we get so many peeks into his “normal” life (yet zero percent of his actual personal life). It’s also probably why the blatant tweets of the last two days seem so jarring to me (I might be alone on this one, but I’m not a fan of directives in general, and asking me to call radio stations on behalf of a rich white man to become even richer just rubs me the wrong way, same with asking me to stream stuff to get you to number one…you’ve been there, buddy, how about you calm down and build some character at number 51). And speaking of calming down, it does fascinate me that both Niall and Louis namecheck Taylor Swift as someone who gets the whole fandom push/pull thing right, so watching them try to reverse-engineer her secrets is fun. Louis nails it (that hotspot treasure hunt: chef’s kiss), but Niall’s heavy-handed easter egg dump in NTMY, she would never!! I think Niall’s team needs to watch “Calm Down” about five more times before they try that again.

* Louis. I think Louis honestly has an AMAZING team in place, and they’re all clearly on his side, which makes for a refreshing change. Like Niall, he has publicly praised Taylor Swift for how she engages with her fans, but I think he’s missing a key point: she doesn’t let her fans dictate strategy, and I HOPE that’s the case for Louis, too. His old team *was* shit, so yeah, encouraging people to do fan projects to get the word out was a good idea, but turning that spigot off to let a good (paid) team step in and take over has been, uh, challenging. He’s dealt with more than his fair share of personal tragedy, but every time he gets some momentum going, it feels like something bts pushes him back off track, and he tends to keep it private, which only makes his hardest-core fans scream “sabotage.” Rightly so, he’s focusing on his personal life, and rightly so, his team is giving him the space to do that, even when it costs cash money and throws a lot of shit seriously for a loop. It makes my heart soar to see the potential of what his team can do/is doing, how much space he’s being allowed to process what he needs to process. Weirdly, that’s an unpopular opinion, and a lot of people want to indulge in an angst wank fest where Louis’s the victim of a terrible team that won’t DO anything (nevermind the fact that he’s probably ASKED them not to do anything), so they undertake a tremendous amount of performative unpaid labor that ends up being counterproductive on just about every front. Even worse, most of them can’t seem to process the fact that losing your mum is a blow, losing your SISTER is a blow, juggling other siblings or close friends handling some serious demons of their own in the aftermath of all of *that* is a blow, let alone handling your own personal coping mechanisms, nope, they want Louis to release release release, perform perform perform, c’mon, what’s holding him back, he *said* he wanted to release an album this year, there’s “no reason” for a delay, gotta be his shitty team, free him. It drives me ‘round the bend because it’s the same talk from late last year, you know, when we later found out that at least one family member was losing a fight with drug addiction. Louis’s fan engagement/promo is therefore hella fraught: he has to balance LouisTM on twitter (Mr. Donny, he’s hard, mate), his werk IG posts, and his constant edging because nobody can remember or trust that he’s got this, that multiple things are in play. But he also knows his fanbase, knows that it’s resistant to any kind of change, so I hope he pushes through and stays true to what he wants to do. I was really encouraged with his last promo round because he seems to have narrowed in on a something solid, he’s got a plan, and it’s not, “hey mr dj, put my record on,” it’s getting his fans to trust that he and his team know what the fuck they’re doing, and spoiler alert, it ain’t radio, but go ahead and keep pissing off djs by sending angry tweets their way. (Related: why is it so bad to avoid the radio when all of us admit that radio music is garbage? Is it because it’s more about you than him? Much to think about.)

* Harry. My very favorite head canon is that Harry is Jeff’s nightmare client: what was perfection at first because the Azoffs are old-school promo all the way (no SM, baby, gimme that sweet, sweet paper), and that dovetailed nicely with post-1D Harry, but it quickly veered into mulish teeth pulling. Low profile can quickly spin into no profile, and that really doesn’t work too well when you’re trying to sell sell sell, even if your brand is Harry StylesTM. HS1 and Dunkirk in their own separate ways worked VERY hard to push past the still-persistent way the general public views Harry as boybander Harry Styles, or more accurately, former boybander Harry Styles who dated Taylor Swift (if you venture out and ask someone who’s not a fan), but what I love about Harry is that much like Zayn, he doesn’t seem to be too bothered by all that. Sure, he’s ambitious, he wants to challenge himself and do things, but he’s no Niall Horan. He’s put in his time! If he gets a number one, then cool, but he’s not gonna chase it. And this is where Harry’s team really reflects his goals and energy: sure, they want him to do some promo (that “Do” tweet, the entire bit about the fan in Australia and Harry Lambert’s follow, goddddd, I loved it, petty Harry, resigned Jeff), but they clearly aren’t forcing him. He drops a song that makes a HUGE splash, and the follow-up is…liking some tweets and going to a John Mayer concert (not a John Mayer fan, so that wouldn’t be my first choice, but I respond to the zero fucks given about the whole thing). The music industry has changed a LOT in just two years, so it’s kind of cool to see team Harry pivoting a bit, seeing more SM interaction, the kindness generator, etc., but that said, the team takes their cues from him, and he clearly doesn’t want to do a whole promo circuit beyond persons a, b, and c, and magazine R, F, and A. Does it make sense to have Rob Sheffield write a profile about Stevie Nicks-blessed shroom-eater Harry Styles when his new song sounds like the Zarry combo of my dreams? NOPE, but that’s okay, Harry wanted to talk to Rob, so that’s what happened. The new song is more streaming friendly, and thank CHRIST, a lot less crusty white dude stuck in the ‘70s, so I can only hope that the rest of the album is thus, but we shall see! We’ll also see if Harry’s fan engagement shifts any further into the active zone…so far, it’s been “I’m gonna follow some larries, like these fun generator posts, check out a few dads” and staged photo ops with the same familiar faces, but I think he’s dealing with his own major bts issues as well (album delayed at least twice; that entire stalking situation). I still contend the album’s coming in the next few weeks, so it’ll be interesting to see if/how any additional promo rolls out in this new world order post-gryles landscape, how many interviews he’ll do, but I like that there’s a strategy that seems less stodgy…kudos to the new SM team, at least!!

Oh man, that got really long! Hope you enjoyed, and YES, opinions opinions opinions, and they’ll be stupid in about three weeks’ time, thanks for coming to my already dated buzzfeed article

[snowbellewells]

Self-Promo Sunday: Do-Si-Dos and Tagalongs

(This is a little one-shot originally written for Halloween a few years back, prior to season 7 airing. I know that Halloween has passed, but only by a couple of days, and so I thought I would bring this little bit of mischief and fluff back. I suppose we might call this a sort of alternate s7 headcanon fic, looking at a bit of domesticity that might have happened had everyone stayed in Storybrooke post s6. Enjoy!!). I have attempted to use a “Read more” break - I hope it worked on mobile. If you prefer this fic can also be found on AO3 and ff.net in my “Of Swans and Swords and Hopeful Hearts” collection.

Summary : Emma stumbles into a bit of a household mystery, leading right back to her pirate husband and a very sweet reward for everyone.

“Do-Si-Dos & Tagalongs” By: @snowbellewells

It all began with little Robyn, as it often did, and her wisps of untamed auburn hair framing her face, with that mischievous, gap-toothed six-year-old child’s grin and twinkle in her bright, beguiling eyes – both features that never failed to remind those who had known him of her late father and the bit of roguish bandit his smile never quite lost, even after settling in modern day Storybrooke. She had come to the two-story house Emma, Killian, and Henry had called home for some five years, with a platter full of cookies and tarts, nearly three months past, beaming and incredibly proud of herself as she presented the whole thing to the Savior, her pirate husband, and their Author son, whom she merely called “Auntie Emma”, “Uncle Killy”, and “Cousin Henry”, as a ‘thank you’ to the three of them for helping her to corral and coax her erstwhile little black cat Mac back home when he’d gotten out of the house and made a beeline for trouble, just as his young mistress often did. Regina and Zelena both trailed after her, doing their best to look bored and unconcerned with the proceedings, hands in pockets of tailored coats and matching sisterly arched brows challenging anyone to assume otherwise.

It was Regina who had shrugged sardonically when Killian exclaimed over the deliciousness of the crisp, chocolate Thin Mints, “No need to get so excited, Pirate. We just over-ordered from the Girl Scouts.”

There had been a whole, long explanation required of Emma from her inquisitive Captain once the Mills sisters and their pint size charge had gone. ‘What were Girl Scouts? Why did they sell cookies? How does one procure such delicacies? Which flavors were the best?’ and so on. For the moment, however, Emma had not been able to do more than giggle to herself at her dumbstruck husband smiling affectionately at the little girl and her gift, crow’s feet crinkling adorably beside his eyes – not to mention Robyn beaming back at him. She had sneakily managed to snap a couple pictures of the whole thing with her iPhone before Killian realized, and though Henry had seen what she was up to and smirked knowingly, he had refrained from giving her away.

Emma hadn’t thought much more about the little episode since. As was always true of Girl Scout cookies (and homemade Enchanted Forest-style apple and cherry tarts too, she was quickly learning) the plate of goodies hadn’t lasted long. Henry, fully a teenager and having recently taken up track at Violet, Grace, and Nicholas and Ava’s urging, (‘His own little crew!’, the perpetual loner Emma had been all through her own school years kept crowing happily inside) ate enough for the three of them combined, Killian had the most ridiculous sweet tooth she had ever seen, and she was rapidly discovering her own weakness for warmed up baked goods of all kinds on a chilly Fall evening. Never in her life had Emma been so settled and comfortable in one place for so long, and she couldn’t deny that she was savoring it. So when her favorites, the Do-Si-Dos, Henry’s preferred Samoas, and Killian’s Thin Mints all vanished by the end of that week, she was disappointed to find their surprise treats gone, but not at all shocked. Nothing seemed strange in fact, until she went to dig through her purse where she always kept five or ten bucks worth of dollar bills tucked away for impulsive buys, and instead found nothing but empty space.

The first time, she merely shook her head at herself; confused, but figuring that she must have snagged something at the gas station counter the last time she filled the Bug and then forgotten to replenish her stash. But it kept happening – a second, third, fourth, and even fifth, time. The radar which used to serve her well as a bail bondsperson tracking down skips in Boston had been set off and her suspicious nature engaged. A strange little mystery had presented itself in her house by the sea – and Emma Swan was determined to get to the bottom of it.

[[MORE]]

Henry was her first suspect, as she thought he might have just figured he was getting a quick advance on his allowance to take his friends for Cokes and cheese fries at Granny’s after practice or something like that. Yet, after watching her son for just a couple of days – and his allowance payout coming and going without him offering to pay her back – Emma ruled him out as the culprit. That only left her sneakily playful pirate husband, and honestly she should have known it was him without even having to test her findings.

Emma wasn’t sure how Killian was managing to swipe his loot right out from under her nose without her being able to catch him at it, and she was even more puzzled by what he could possibly be buying so often that she never saw a trace of, but then, she had never doubted how slick he was, and he’d had centuries to perfect his skills.

The whole little intrigue carried on for nearly another month before Emma finally got the lucky break that spoiled Killian’s secret. She came home early from the station one afternoon; her dad having arrived a couple hours ahead of his own shift to give her a break, and as she turned the corner onto their street – though theirs was really the only house on it as the land began to roll down toward the harbor – she saw Killian closing the door behind him as he disappeared back inside, while Robyn with one of her little Girl Scout buddies in tow hopped down the front steps and out through the white picket fence onto the sidewalk, the two of them giggling together conspiratorially as they did.

Pulling up beside them, Emma parked her car at the curb quickly and hopped out to catch them before they could get far. She met the girls at the sidewalk, and for a moment wasn’t sure whether to crouch down at their level playfully, or to cross her arms and give them her ‘Mom’ look to get the answers she suddenly sensed she had found at last. She went with arms crossed authoritatively over her chest, eyebrow cocked expectantly, not wanting to consider the fact that she must look like some sort of blonde cross between her own schoolteacher-princess mother and Robyn’s Aunt Regina when she meant business. All she said was, “What brings you two here?” with a hint of a jest in her words, even though her stance clearly expected an answer.

Robyn had the decency to flush and look a bit nervous, her eyes falling to study the squeaky-clean saddle shoes she always wore with her Girl Scout uniform, before snapping her eyes back up to the Savior’s with a smile that would have done both her snarky mother and her charming outlaw father proud. ‘Oh yeah,’ Emma thought, she was definitely seeing a bit of Zelena’s formerly conniving streak now. “Nothing really,” the girl tried brightly. “Laney had just never met Captain Hook before, and so I told her it was no big deal, we were tight, and brought her over.”

The other little girl said nothing to confirm or deny Robyn’s claim, though her awkward shifting from side-to-side easily spoke for itself. Not that Emma would have mistaken her for the ringleader of whatever shenanigan was playing out here anyway; that had her unofficial niece’s fingerprints all over it. “That’s all, huh?” Emma questioned, making her tone clearly convey her doubt.

Zelena’s little troublemaker she might be, but Robyn had a penchant for stepping into mischief that was all her own and everyone knew it. When Emma didn’t budge, it only took a few more awkward seconds of stare down on the sidewalk before the little schemer cracked. When she spoke again, it was with the sincere tone of Robin Hood, legend of Sherwood Forest, which she confessed. “Oh alright, fine! You caught us! But it was just too easy not to try!”

“Wait…what was too easy?” Emma questioned, momentarily more confused than she had been, tapping her foot on the concrete and giving the youngster an even more searching look. “What are you talking about?!?” she pressed in near exasperation.

It was at this juncture that Robyn’s little pal lost her nerve and deserted the cause, clearly not having signed on to face questioning by the Sheriff-Savior. She blurted out an excuse about her mom waiting for her, blushing and stammering as she did, and then turned tail and ran.

“Fraidy cat,” Robyn muttered in disgust, the curled lip and glower she adopted as she crossed her own little arms in annoyance reminding Emma so strongly of the now reformed Wicked Witch in her heyday that for a moment she almost burst out laughing at the expression on such a tiny face, completely ruining the serious stance she was trying to hold.

“Okay, Robyn,” Emma sighed, once it was just the two of them. With a guiding hand on the little girl’s shoulder, she walked them back toward the front porch, taking a seat on the steps with her. “Let’s have it – the truth this time. Whatever you’ve been up to, it can’t be that terrible. I’m not really mad, just ready to get to the bottom of this little mystery.”

Robyn heaved a large sigh, dramatically aggrieved as only a little girl could be, and then finally started talking. “I just wanted our troop to sell the most cookies – and your husband’s such an easy target. You know that, right? I mean, I figured it out weeks ago when we brought you guys those ‘Thank You’ treats – Mom, Aunt Regina, and I… remember?”

Emma nodded, thinking back over evening meals since then, when Killian hadn’t eaten much and she had questioned if he felt alright, only to have him say he wasn’t very hungry; occasions where she had offered to make cookies and he had evasively insisted she needn’t trouble herself on his account, and again to the odd disappearance of her random bits of spending money. She was putting the pieces together even before Robyn finished coming clean.

“Your pirate just can’t resist us,” the kid shrugged, looking only a little bit sheepish now that she was caught, but not really sorry. “I don’t know if it’s the outfits, or little girls with big pleading eyes needing help, or if he just really likes our cookies, but every time I bring a new member of the troop by with boxes to sell, no matter how often we show up, he buys some more. It’s like he can’t help himself. And hey, who am I to complain?”

Emma snorted indelicately, struck by Robyn’s cunning and ingenuity, along with the sheer ridiculousness of the entire situation. Shaking her head in both disbelief and begrudging affection that wouldn’t have him any other way, Emma wondered mildly for a few seconds how she hadn’t known this was the case from the start. ‘Fearsome pirate of the seas,’ she mocked in her head, ‘bested by a bunch of cute six-year-olds with baked goods.’

Knowing that she shouldn’t simply let Robyn off with being so opportunistic and sneaky, yet not really sure what to do about it either, Emma merely gave the little girl a wry smile and light one-armed squeeze to her side with a gentle remonstrance. “Well, it’s not like you’ve really done much harm – except to my pocketbook.” She did frown just a bit there, and Robyn looked genuinely contrite. “But no more, okay? I don’t know where my pirate has been stashing his loot, but he has to be almost out of room. We’ve made our contribution to the Girl Scouts for the year. Got it?”

Robyn nodded dutifully, and though there was no judging the mischief that her hurricane “niece” could get into, Emma sensed that she understood the game was up.

Ruffling Robyn’s hair, Emma felt a momentary pang in her chest, picturing Henry at that age and wondering what he had been like and if he had been as playfully ornery as well. Having her son with her now, the relationship they had forged, and the family they’d become was incredible – so much more than she had ever thought she would have – but things happened occasionally, striking her at the oddest times and there would be a melancholy moment or two of wishing she could take a portal back in time to re-live what she had lost with her son, who would be grown up and ready to leave them all too soon.

As if sensing her change in mood, Robyn reached out her little hand to lay it on Emma’s arm. “Aunt Emma?” she asked softly, her voice as hesitant and concerned as it ever got. “Are you alright? Your eyes got kinda funny and far away.”

Shaking the bittersweet reflections from her mind, Emma gave Robyn another gentle smile. “Yep, Trouble, I’m fine. Just got sidetracked for a minute.” She stood and pulled Robyn up playfully beside her. “Now, you’d better go home before it starts getting dark. We’re good, okay? Don’t worry. I am gonna have to call your Mom and talk to her about this, but I imagine if you don’t pull any more get-rich-quick schemes, we’ll all just put this behind us.”

“Okay, Aunt Emma,” Robyn agreed, bouncing back to her usual chipper self and past the anxious moment with a child’s usual resilience. She gave her honorary auntie a hug around the waist, which Emma gladly returned, and then set off toward Zelena’s little house a block over.

“Go straight home and get there safe!” Emma called after her in parting, to which she saw Robyn nod smartly and wave back over her shoulder. Emma watched her until the little girl rounded the corner at the end of the street and out of sight.

Turning, Emma opened their heavy oak front door and slipped into their home soundlessly, hoping if her luck held, that she just might catch Killian unawares with his prize. What she got as she stood in the entryway, flabbergasted and mouth hanging open, was not quite what she had expected at all. Standing almost directly across from her, frozen before the door into the cellar that until now they had both skirted around and almost never opened – demons purged, but still not eager to loose painful memories – looking both startled at patently guilty, was her husband. Caught red handed, Emma’s inner voice supplied smugly.

“Why, hello there, Love,” Killian finally greeted, trying for suave and “turning on the smolder” as Emma had often teased him in calling it since showing her pirate Tangled and delighting in his resounding approval of Flynn Rider. He would have succeeded too, if she hadn’t known him as well as she did. “You’re home early.”

“Yep,” she stated simply, popping the ‘p’ sound as he often did in his own speech and immediately causing a change in his demeanor, alerted that she was onto his subterfuge. Emma pushed away from the door and stalked toward him slowly, the heels of her boots on hardwood the only sound in the quiet foyer as her gaze pinned him in place – turning all of his usual methods back on him and loving it.

“Would you like to tell me what you’ve been up to?” she queried, her voice practically a purr as she reached out a finger to run lightly through the chest hair peeking out of his overly undone shirt collar and batting her lashes seductively at him, as if she really were some blushing damsel in his original realm.

“Why – uh – whatever do you mean, Swan?” he tried, an equally over-the-top stab at guileless innocence on his face and in those stunning blue eyes, even as she also saw him swallow hard and scratch nervously behind his ear, the one tic he couldn’t seem to rid himself of, no matter how much a dead giveaway it was.

“I mean,” Emma murmured silkily, eyes narrowing as she leaned in even closer to him, nose almost brushing against his and her breath hot along his collarbone as she practically licked her lips while studying her quarry. Granted, her own pulse had skyrocketed at his close proximity, but she was more pleased to revel in the way her husband squirmed nervously under her hungry gaze. “You’ve been discovered, Pirate. Your supplier ratted you out.”

At that, Killian huffed out a low breath, eyes falling as he gave a slight chuckle and shook his head, having known his wife would eventually get to the bottom of what he had been doing, and almost relieved to have the secret out in the open. He truly had not meant to gather such and collection of the things anyway, but he simply could not bring himself to say no to the adorable miniature females in their sharp skirt and vest ensembles, and by this point, he was pretty sure they knew it and kept arriving at his doorstep on purpose. At any rate, Emma might have his head at the amount of money he had pilfered from her and spent needlessly, but surely they would enjoy the spoils, if nothing else. At length, with a short dip of his head in a resigned nod, Killian answered, “Aye, I figured she might at some point.”

Emma couldn’t help cracking the tiniest smile, the whole thing so silly, so domestic, so normal, and nothing like the trials they had faced ever since meeting one another and the secrets they once held back for fear of losing the other they had fought so hard to find. She shook her head, leaning in to rest her forehead against his, simply enjoying the warm comfort of his skin on hers and the soft texture of his hair where her fingers had delved in at his nape. “You’re hopeless, Babe… You know that, don’t you?”

“As you say, Wife,” he agreed good naturedly, his voice low and mumbled against the shell of her ear, making her tremble helplessly to the point of being weak-kneed, the stern composure she’d been trying to hold long gone.

“Well, let’s see this stash of booty you’ve stored up,” she prodded, curious now just how many boxes of Girl Scout cookies he had managed to amass, and anxious to tease him just a little bit more about how he had been so taken in.

Sighing with mostly pretended reluctance, Killian took her hand and led her back down the cellar steps behind him, into the once dark room she had not ventured to for some time. Once there, to her amused shock and surprise, right up against the bars where she had once, while possessed by the Darkness, bound Gold as a prisoner, were stacked boxes and boxes of every type cookie the Scouts sold, nearly reaching up to the ceiling. There was nothing else to do but burst into a fit of helpless giggles, and when she did, leaning into her husband’s side to stay upright, Emma felt his shoulders shaking as he joined in.

Never again would she look at this space and see nothing but lonely dark and a depth of despair and hate. Unintentional though it might have been, Killian had placed a whole new memory front and center.

They ended up bagging the cookies in half dozens and giving them out to very happy trick-or-treaters the next week on Halloween night.

And if they enjoyed feeding the remnants of the last couple boxes to each other in bed… well, that was their own delicious secret no one else need know.

Tagging: @whimsicallyenchantedrose @searchingwardrobes @kmomof4 @jennjenn615 @let-it-raines @resident-of-storybrooke @winterbaby89 @laschatzi @linda8084 @thislassishooked @therooksshiningknight @thisonesatellite

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

hello, this is a quick and overdue update post on ash! you don’t necessarily need to read it, especially if our muses don’t/won’t interact often, but there’s some plot bunnies littered here and there too, so idk hit me up if something speaks to you (but i’m pretty behind on messages again sorry), even if we already have a thread going/are in the middle of plotting/haven’t plotted yet.

i think i’ll post a plot call including some shared home and schedule stuff soon, but don’t let that stop you if you have an idea now! this also includes some too in-depth explanation of Why ash is The Way He Is lately if that’s of interest to you

professionally

ash’s main solo work focuses currently continue to be solo/collab music, endorsements and cfs, and writing/composing/producing for others. those are pretty much the general career areas he’s getting pushed in at any given time and has been for a while now, though he’s been able to expand more with writing/composing/producing for others lately.

ash is extremely overworked lately. it’s going to catch up to him, but for now he’s pushing through.

he finished his solo fanmeeting tour a little bit ago and is relieved that it’s over since it was pretty emotionally exhausting as any fan interaction is for him, and all the travel wasn’t too good for him either

he’s working on parts of songs for some people, which is one of the things he’s doing he actually doesn’t mind (and he’s open to do more for more people as always <3)

i wound up needing to rework some of my plans for ash’s music going forward, but in general, he’ll have a continued power struggle between what management wants and what he wants. management wants something sexier, ash wants to be an angsty emo boi. ultimately, i think ash’s angsty emo boi will show itself to be more profitable musically, with management trying to add a sexy side to that because the whole ~sexy~ thing is better to build a marketable cf/brand niche off of than sad and angsty is. it leans a bit into the Bad Boy w/ a Heart of Gold image they had to give him after his dating scandals too

the calvin klein brand deal in particular really solidified the push for a sexier and more mature image, so that’ll be pushed through some future claims (mainly crs/endorsements) that are still in the works.

as of right now, the plan is for his next albums and some portal singles to come from an angrier/more self-loathing place (especially in regards to his romantic relationships) than his previous albums (with untitled, 2014 he got rewarded for those feelings and well... it has long term effects lmao) which is going to put him through a lot personally for the next several months.

he’s not ~officially~ working on them yet since fatalism promos just ended, but the current plan (which has changed way too much recently i am sorry to anyone affected by my indecisiveness but hopefully this one sticks) is for him to release two mini-albums in 2020, one in early june and one in late december, that serve as sort of a part 1 and part 2 in a ~duology~. as i’ve explained to some people, one is basically h*rny-emo and the other is just straight emo

it’s been nearly two years since he had a major scandal (his laziness/attitude scandal) so he gets more positive comments on his articles nowadays, but that’s a lot of pressure for someone who got used to constant hate and he feels like he’s due for a new scandal any day now, which he’s found is almost worse than when he was in the midst of scandal after scandal.

personally

in his personal life, he’s Super (s?)Tired, Single, and Sad

the exhaustion is a big factor in both is professional and personal life. he’s Tired. that’s his dominant emotion right now and seeing as it’s beginning to affect his physical health on top of his mental health, it’s hard for him to ignore.

it’s possible your muse hasn’t heard from him lately if they’re not super close. he spends all of his “free” time in his home studio and sleeps in there when he’s able to fall asleep as well. it’s genuinely concerning and if anyone wants their muse to yell at him and tell him to take better care of himself, feel free. i can’t promise he’ll listen.

likewise, if your muse wants to get mad at him because he's ignoring them, destroy him, thanks.

he’s single after ending a really serious relationship so he told himself he was going to focus only on work now... for like five seconds. it didn’t last. big surprise there. did he initiate the break up? yes. has he taken it as proof he’s unlovable anyway? also yes.

i’ll shove most of ash’s Love Angst explanation into this bullet point... around his scandal in 2016 and with the subsequent worst mental health of his life, he found his coping mechanism was throwing himself into constant relationships and/or jumping from one love to the next to essentially try to justify his existence and for three and a half years, he relied on that instead of addressing all of the toxic mindsets he has toward himself. now that he‘s single and planning to stay that way (a choice made as a result of a lot of those toxic mindsets, actually, though he tries to paint it as putting his mental health first), he’s realized it’s a lot harder to lose himself in someone else to repress everything if he’s also fending off love. as a result, he’s seeking out intimacy from people he’s already been close to in order to try to fill that hole (the one the problems he actually needs to address are at the bottom of, so he doesn’t come face to face with them), all without having to risk heartbreak

for similar reasons, he’s also been way more impulsive lately. if he wasn’t so utterly exhausted, he would have done some really stupid shit by now.

so if your muse wants to do impulsive shit, he might be a good bad influence

honestly, he’s really been trying to find himself lately and it’s hard because he’s realizing just how much himself is impossible to be for as long as he’s an idol

he’s kind of already wanting to sell his apartment and downsize because he feels so lonely at home, but he won’t do it yet since he hasn’t even had it a year and trying to sell a home is just more work for him. he could very well end up doing it in the new year, but tbh he’d really prefer to live in a studio apartment but he needs an extra room to use as a music studio so he’s not willing to sacrifice his studio just to possibly feel less lonely :/

his birthday is next month on the 24th if anyone wants to spend it with him!! he’s turning 24 so... we love a golden birthday! he’s spent the last two birthdays completely alone and depressed (last year he was overseas with just his manager for a solo photo shoot and the year before that knight had a concert in japan) so it would be nice if he didn’t have to do that again this year

yeah that’s it for now ig... plot call post and minju update post coming... some time

[lululawrence]

Self Promo/First Lines

I was tagged by @allwaswell16 and @helloamhere - thank you, friends!

Rules: Post the First Line of your last 10 published fics, tag 10 people. See if you notice any patterns in your opening lines.

1. Louis laughed at something Roisin said before turning back to finish his moussaka. This one is A Taste of Honey, my second fic in my honey series i’m writing for @wordplayfics this year. It’s Grouis and ridiculous and silly. haha

2. When Nick had told Harry it would be okay for him to bring Louis along with him to the party, he hadn’t expected the night to end with an incredibly drunken Louis spilling his guts to Nick in his bedroom while the party wound down. hehehe This one is You Don't Care About Me (One More Night), my Tomlinshaw baby I posted as part of @1drarepairfest. I’m so proud of it, especially as it’s my longest fic to date.

3. Louis hated going to the shops. This one is Oh Honey, Honey, the first of my honey series I wrote for wordplay hehe It’s Larry and almost as ridiculous as the Grouis counterpart hahaha

4. Growing up in a town like Coeur D’Alene, Harry thought he would live there for the rest of his life. This fic makes me sigh with pleasure for finally having completed it. It’s Like a Lighthouse On The Coast (I Need You), and I had such a distinct vision for it from the beginning. I’m quite happy with how it came together in the end.

5. Louis checked his watch and was happy to find he’d actually arrived to work a few minutes early. Another Grouis fic and another fic for the rare pair fest, this one is Yellow, Is It Me You're Looking For? and might be even more ridiculous than the honey fic. Nah, the honey grouis fic is defo more ridiculous, but this one is SEXY and ridiculous. Or at least I think so. hehe

6. When January ended, so did Louis’ lease on his horrid Upper West Side apartment, and he’d moved to Brooklyn with his coworkers Jesy and Niall.  Ya know, looking at this list, i’m finding that most of the last ten fics I’ve posted are all absolutely ridiculous and completely self indulgent. IMO that means I’m doing something right. hahaha Anyway, this one is Stealing Flowers, which was ALSO a silly fic I wrote for @larryabroad :D

7. Louis looked at himself in the mirror and straightened his tie. My 100th fic!!! Gosh I love this one too. Anyway, this one is You Turned Up (Like a Friend of Mine) and is, you guessed it, completely self indulgent. It isn’t quite so ridiculous, though, so there is that. haha

8. Wars, and rumours of wars, were nothing new for the world in the twenty-fourth century. My magical fantastical dystopian future fic baby! This one was You Try To Be Everything (I Need), which I wrote for the @onedirectionbigbang with art by @hrrytomlinson and I love it very much a lot. I know it’s a niche not many people will read, but GOSH I just really truly adore it.

9. Louis looked at the sky and watched the lightning create a web as it flashed through the clouds. My Sweet Home Alabama AU :D This one is titled (Something's Been) Hiding In My Heart and was also written for the @onedirectionbigbang with art by @hi-larrie-ous. This one was much more personal for me as it had an incredibly emotional core that revolved around an experience I found a lot of healing from by writing about. So while I love it, it’s also a bit harder for me to talk about as well, if that makes sense haha

10. Greg couldn’t sleep. This was a super short fic child written for the Shake Off the Dust 500 word fic challenge. It’s called If You Want To Be Loved and is another Grouis fic, but it’s short and domestic and incredibly soft. It was really fun to try to capture a very specific moment and feeling with it, all in less than 500 words.

So patterns! I seem to be very to the point in my fics overall. haha I make it super clear who is “speaking” and where it’s all taking place. A few of them seem to jump in faster than others, but yeah. Generally I tend to just tell you who you’re looking at, where we are, and now let’s get down to the story. haha

So so cool! Thank you for tagging me! I have no idea who has already done this and who hasn’t, so I’m going to tag... @londonfoginacup, @sadaveniren, @becomeawendybird, @got-stars, @disgruntledkittenface, @velvetnoodle, @hi-larrie-ous, @phd-mama, @jaerie, and @dinosaursmate!

[ghostsoapgirl]

Little Red

Baron Corbin/Plus Size Reader

A/N: There is no smut in this, it’s just implied. I’m not sure what to rate this so maybe my followers can help? Anyways, I’m on a Baron kick and he seems like he’d be protective of people he cared about so this happened. It’s almost 3 in the morning so I hope it’s as good as I think it is lmao. This is also the first fanfiction I’ve posted to this tumblr . So feedback will be greatly appreciated.

I saw a few Baron Lovers in my notes so I’m gonna tag ya’ll. If you don’t want me to tag you, I won’t.

@kittysilver86 @thegloriousdisaster @wrestling-edits-af @darktammy cuz I love you. @vonschweetz because I think you’ve read some of my dean stuff from my old blog. @queenofthearchitect

Little Red

She’s been working in the makeup department of WWE for almost six months now. She loved her job, truly she did, but being a heavy set woman surrounded by model like figures all day every day was detrimental to her self esteem. Of course, she had no one she could talk to about her insecurities except Nia, but even Nia was built in a way she could only dream of.

She was on her break, sitting in catering staring at reflection on her cell phone screen. Her eyes were blue and she always loved them but they didn’t seem to fit with her red hair. She had considered dying it many times but was always discouraged because everyone said it was such a lovely shade of red. Staring at herself only made things worse. He cheeks were just a bit pudgy, her lips just a little too thin, and don’t even get her started on her chin.

Before she could start picking apart the rest of her appearance, someone sat across the table from her. She sat her phone down on the table and looked up, only to meet the eyes of her crush, Baron Corbin. 

“Hey,” she spoke softly, adjusting the baggy hoodie she was wearing. She had shoved her phone in the pocket, keeping her hands there as well to hide her fidgeting fingers.

“Hey Little Red.” Coming from anyone else, she would have hated the nickname. Several stars had tried to get away with calling her that but she just glared at them until they decided it was a bad idea. Baron, though, the way he said it always sounded endearing while from others it sounded like mockery. “How much longer on your break?” She pulled her phone from her pocket, checking the time. It was halfway through the show and she was due back to her station in ten minutes.

“I have about ten minutes. What’s up?” She always tried to keep her voice neutral around Baron, afraid she may give her secret away.

“I was warming up and I, uh, kinda got a tear on the inside of my thigh. Think you could sew it up for me before my match?” Although she was a makeup artist, once wardrobe had found out about her sewing abilities, the less severe problems were sent her way when she wasn’t busy.

“Yeah, I’ve gotta do Becky’s hair when I get back so I’ll sew you up now.” She stood from her seat and headed towards her little area in the back, not even stopping to make sure Baron was following.

When she reached her station she pulled out her sewing kit. It was nothing compared to wardrobes massive kit but it got the job done, at least on the jobs that were sent her way. She listened as Baron walked up behind her, stopping just shy of the chair the stars usually set in. Except this was a thigh tear, and unless she was going to have Baron undress in front of her, she’d have to sew it quickly while they were on him.

“Alright,” she spoke as she had gotten what she needed. Baron’s suit pants were black so she went with a simple black thread. “I’m just gonna do this well enough to get you through your match. Once your changed, bring em on back to me and I’ll do something a bit more permanent.” Baron nodded as she moved him into place to look at the tear. The angle was awkward and her face was practically in his crotch so she focused intently on the seam she needed to work on.

She bent his knee, having him place his boot on the foot rest of her chair and knelt down and began sewing. Baron was saying something above her, but she tuned him out, focusing so she didn’t accidentally stick him with the needle in her hand. She went over the stitch a few times before deciding it would hold and she stood, brushing the dirt from her jeans. Baron just stood there, smiling down at her.

“Something funny?” She tried not to sound defensive but she just knew he was going to make a dirty joke about her being between his legs.

“I was trying to thank you but you didn’t seem to hear me. So I started rambling off asinine shit but I don’t think you heard that either.” She laughed, tucking the needle and thread back in her kit before turning back around to face him.

“I’m sorry, you’re right. I did tune you out, but only because I didn’t want to be responsible for stabbing you with a sewing needle.” Baron smiled at her before ruffling her hair and walking out. She didn’t have time to think what that meant before Becky was bounding into her area, plopping down in the seat and chatting animatedly about her newest promo. She began with brushing her hair but as she was putting the braid in, all she could think about was how thick Baron’s thighs had felt for the few moments she got to touch him.

*

Raw was officially over, meaning she had no more hair or makeup to do so she removed her hoodie before placing it on the empty chair. She didn’t normally remove her sweatshirt at work, too ashamed of the way she looked, but it was the end of the night and it was just so hot backstage. She put her headphones in as she cleaned and and packed away her things. She was listening to her music pretty loud, so when she felt a tap on her shoulder, she spun around, a gasp falling from her lips.

“I’m sorry, I called your name but you didn’t hear me.” She removed her head phones as she gaped at Baron, trying to gain her composure. She watched as he looked her up and down and she had to fight the urge to cover herself with the baggy red sweatshirt still sitting on the chair. She debated for a second. If she grabbed the hoodie and put it on, Baron would know how insecure she was. If she didn’t, he would get to see just how big she was and would probably never look at her again.

As she was trying to make up her mind, Baron caught her attention again. He was smiling, something that was so rare it caught her off guard and made her forget her little dilemma.

“Did you forget you told me to come back?” Right she thought.

“I did,” she decided to be honest. “I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately.”

“Wanna talk about it?” He sat down as he talked, covering her hoodie with his body. There went the idea of covering up. He handed his pants over and that’s when she realized he had changed. He was now in loose basketball shorts, one of his cutoff shirts and he was wearing that beanie she loved so much.

“Not particularly,” she spoke as she took the pants from his hand before fishing out the needle and thread she had used earlier. As she removed the old stitch and began the new one, she found herself talking anyways. “I just, it’s hard being around all these skinny, beautiful women when I’m just me, ya know?” She continued the stitch, almost forgetting Baron was sitting right next to her.

“What do you mean, just you?” His voice startled her into dropping the needle. She picked it up quickly, trying to cover her falter and decided on what she was going to say next.

“I’m just plain. I don’t wear makeup, even though I’m a professional makeup artist. I do almost nothing with my hair except curl it or straighten it if I’m not wearing it up. I’ll never look good in any of the attire these women wear and honestly, being the biggest person behind the scenes and being bigger than the girls on the roster, that shit eventually eats away at you.” She stopped when she realized she just word vomited all over Baron. She was facing him now, having finished the stitch, and handed his pants back to him. “I’m sorry. It’s just been so long since anyone’s actually asked me how I felt.”

“You have friends here, Little Red, and I’m one of them. I don’t know if you’re hearing this from other people, but I swear,” she placed a hand on his forearm to stop him. He looked genuinely angry and she couldn’t remember the last time someone got angry on her behalf.

“It’s not that. Yeah some of the women talk but it’s nothing I haven’t heard before.” She pulled her hand away when she realized she was still touching him and shoved both hands in her jeans pockets. “I have a few friends here Baron, but none that I’m close to. I just, can’t bring myself to make an effort with people. I’m too worried about what people think of me, ya know?”

“Yeah, I do know. Everyone here thinks I’m an asshole but that’s just a character I play.” He stopped then, searching her face for something, before he continued, “but you don’t. You never have.” She fought really hard to keep her mouth shut, because if she spoke she was going to say something stupid and ruin whatever was happening at this moment. “Look, I can’t change how other people see you, but I can change the way you see yourself.”

“What are you talking about?” He was staring at her so intently now, she was actually just a bit nervous. He stood from the chair, setting his pants behind him and stepped closer to her. She backed up until her back hit the wall. Baron stepped closer until she could feel the heat radiating from him and she could smell him and that made her a bit dizzy. “God you smell so good.” She wanted to smack herself for letting that slip but the smile on Baron’s face showed that he didn’t mind.

“Do you trust me?” His arms were resting on either side of her head now, their face so close she could feel his breath on her lips. She knew if she tried to speak it would only come out as a squeak so she just nodded her head. Baron’s smile grew even larger, before he dipped his head down to place a small kiss to her neck.

She couldn't fight the moan that left her throat and she felt Baron laugh into the skin of her throat, before trailing his lips up to her ear. He nibbled on the lobe before placing a kiss to her cheek and stepping back, just enough to take in the way she looked.

Her cheeks were red, her eyes blown with lust and her chest was rising and falling fast, her breathing just a little out of sync.

“Come with me to my room?” Again, she just nodded before Baron took her hand, before grabbing her suitcase, hoodie and his pants with the other. “I promise, when I’m done with you, the only thing on your mind will be just how beautiful I think you are.” The fire in his eyes told her he was telling the truth and the shiver that ran through her was almost violent, heat pooling in her belly.

The ride to the hotel was spent in silence, the tension in the air almost palpable. She wanted to speak but couldn’t find the words. Baron didn’t seem to mind, sending her sideways glances as they drove to the hotel. When he parked, he reached over and pulled her over the console to him, before placing a searing kiss to her lips.

When he pulled away they were both smiling. “What was that for?” She licked her lips, his stubble leaving them tingling.

“I just remembered I hadn’t kissed you yet. Now come on. I think I made you a promise.” They left everything in the rental in their hurry to get to his room. She knew she’d regret that decision later but the look he kept giving her, she knew there was no time to think about that right now. All she could think about was Baron’s promise, and the look in his eyes, she knew he was determined to keep it.