#anyways when i say idk if i vibe with it fully anymore i mean like

[gemharvest]

This one actually goes so fucking hard idc. I don't know if I fully vibe with it still but it rules and based on that alone it's one I may still revisit one day.

[withleeknow]

for the requests — i'll send two songs that i've liked for quite a while and you can choose the member that you see who fits the vibe?

sand by dove cameron

and

make you mine by madison beer

conversations with strangers.

pairing: seungmin x gn!reader genre/warnings: exes to ??, non-idol au (i wrote this with seungmin in mind as a celebrity/singer or musician of some sort so it's pretty vague and it's not explicitly mentioned what he actually does, so if you wanna imagine him as an idol it still fits the narrative. i can't tell you what to do lol), Angst™️! (i think. i liked this at first but then i was looking at it so much that i became desensitized to it and idk if it's that sad anymore lol); the ending is a little ambiguous maybe?, mentions of drinking, mentions of sex, could've been more edited word count: 2.9k note: this might be one of my favorite things that i've written lately but i am also in my fish freshly dropped on land era so i am fully prepared for this to flop like ass lol bye

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

navigation / request masterlist / ko-fi

I saw the end when we began You couldn't love the way I can I tried to bargain with the stars For more than half of your heart But you have more pieces of me than the desert has sand And I have less pieces of you than I can hold in my hand

Sand - Dove Cameron

"Why did you call me?"

"Why did you come?"

There isn't a good answer to his question, so you choose to ignore it in favor of keeping your eyes on the road, your fingers holding tightly onto the steering wheel. You don't know what to tell him. You yourself aren't even sure why you came to that bar, why Seungmin is sitting in your passenger seat right now just because he was drunk and he wouldn't let anyone take him home but you.

"I asked you first," you say. It takes an effort to keep your voice even, an effort not to look over at him.

"Don't know," he sounds like he couldn't care less, but that's always been Seungmin for you. "Old habits die hard, I guess. You were the only one I used to call."

You round a corner without even having to look at the GPS. The route to his place is still ingrained in your brain even after all this time. On some nights when you feel too stuffy indoors, you would go on a walk by yourself. Directionless for an hour or two, you just want to feel the wind wrap around your body and solid ground beneath your feet.

On these same nights, you would find yourself at Seungmin's door.

It's always unintentional, the way your feet would carry you to his home without your permission.

"Used to," you reiterate. "Past tense. You don't get to call me anymore. I'm not your chauffeur."

You feel his eyes on the side of your face. Then his voice, ever so calm and collected, "You came anyway, didn't you?"

His words irritate you for some reason, even though he means nothing bad. No malice in his voice; he's just simply stating a fact. You did come when he called, and perhaps the person that you're really annoyed with is only yourself, because why did you come?

He should be a stranger to you by now, and yet, you're here.

Maybe you know the answer. Maybe it's not a hard question at all.

You let the both of you wallow in silence for the rest of the drive. When you pull up to Seungmin's building about ten minutes later, you finally turn to cast your gaze upon him with your eyebrow slightly raised, a polite Get out if there ever was one.

Instead of taking the hint like a normal person and going on his merry way, he just stares at you with his big eyes and his hair still styled to perfection even after a night of celebrating and drinking. Seungmin loves to be difficult, this you can't ever forget.

"Well?" you press. "You're home."

He blinks, then swallows thickly. He looks around your car for a few seconds, unsure of himself. If he wasn't intoxicated, you would think he's trying to stall.

"I... I can't go up by myself," he says.

"Are you serious?"

He just nods, something expectant in his gaze.

"You're a grown man."

"Help me up." He doesn't sound all too drunk, but maybe he's just got a way of masking it because Seungmin would never outright ask for help. He's stubborn, and he thinks it makes him look weak. Incapable.

In the end, you give in to his request. You let him lean on you in the elevator on the way up to his floor, the scent of his cologne still overpowering the bourbon he had all night and it makes you just a little nostalgic.

At his door, you hold onto his waist and look away when he punches in the passcode. The door unlocks and this should be it for the two of you, your unexpected reunion should be ending the moment Seungmin crosses over to the other side of the threshold, but he just turns around and looks at you, his body against the frame of the door this time.

"There, you're home safely," you say. "I've done my part. Goodnight."

"Come in."

"Why?"

"I'm tired. Come in." And with that, Seungmin retreats into the apartment, leaving the door open for you to follow without any further explanation at all. For a moment, you stand there by yourself, not really sure of what to do. You hear him shuffling inside, before the sound of his body plopping onto the couch carries over to your ears.

What business do you have here? What business did you have with Seungmin in the first place today?

And yet, you find yourself trailing inside, closing the door behind you until the lock clicks into place. Maybe you're curious to see what the place looks like since the last time that you were here. The two of you never lived together - you weren't foolish enough to agree even though he did ask - but you were over often enough to consider this your second home.

Not much has changed. It's still the same minimalist four walls that you were used to. Same light gray paint, same black couch. Same framed signature of his favorite baseball player and same tiny crack in the decorative bowl on the coffee table. There's a photo on the credenza lying face down seemingly on purpose, but you don't say anything about it.

"What am I doing here?" you ask.

"Why did you come?" he shoots you the question for the second time tonight.

You blink at him. He only stares back.

"Why did you call me?" you repeat. "Why did you really call me?"

Questions thrown out but no answers received, like you're both running in circles, with neither of you knowing why you're even running in the first place.

Seungmin purses his lips before he stands up, the suddenness of the movement leaves him unsteady on his feet, makes him hold onto the couch's armrest for support. "Do you want some water?"

You bite the inside of your cheek. "Okay."

"Give me a second. Have a seat."

You watch as he pads into the kitchen a little wobbly, then returns a few minutes later with two glasses of water. He sits back down on the couch next to you, some distance dividing the two of you. He takes a sip, you do the same.

"Called you because I missed you," he says, casually admitting it like he was merely discussing the weather. The place hasn't changed, but maybe he has.

The last time you spoke to Seungmin was about six months ago, when he dropped off your things two weeks after you broke up. You haven't had any contact since, and that's exactly the way it should be for you and him now. You went your separate ways and that was it. A mutual agreement that hurts, but it was mutual nonetheless. For the past half a year, all he's been to you is a stranger. You know why it had to happen. You agreed to it.

But, just because you haven't talked, doesn't mean that you haven't thought of him. You wish he only crossed your mind in passing, wish your brain only conjured up the image of him whenever you saw something that he would like, or whenever you caught a glimpse of him on the TV or radio. In reality, it's been much more pathetic. You think of him almost every day, despite your best efforts to cleanse yourself of everything that's remotely related to the name Kim Seungmin. His absence carries itself with you all the time, a hollowness that seeps into every crevice of your life.

You know he means it. Seungmin doesn't lie, least of all to you. His honesty twists inside of you like a knife. Salt, meet wound.

You have no words to offer him, no response you can think of that would make sense to say out loud so you don't say anything. The only sound that falls from your lips is his name, like a warning, a plea, a consolation all at once.

But he doesn't seem to mind. Not his sudden vulnerability, not your reluctance to entertain that split second of honesty.

"I answered your question. Now you have to answer mine," he says. "Why did you come?"

"What do you want me to tell you?"

He doesn't respond right away. Instead, he takes a moment like he's mulling it over in his head. "Thought maybe you missed me too," he says eventually, ending the sentence with a bitter chuckle. "Just a little bit."

You tongue your cheek, stall with another sip of water before you place the glass on the table. On a coaster of course, Seungmin hates cup rings on his fancy table.

You lean back to rest on the couch, staring up at his boring ceiling. There are memories of you on this very couch, ones of you lying with your head on his lap as he plays with your hair, the two of you winding down after a long day. Or ones that are far too inappropriate to bring up ever again, of nights where you were both too desperate and impatient to take it to the bedroom. Those gentle reminders are still here somewhere, tucked between the cushions perhaps.

"Sure." You hum, nodding along. "Let's go with that."

Another chuckle, humorless. Though, you think he's pleased enough with that non-answer but you're not sure. He mirrors your position, falling into the couch with a sigh. From your peripheral vision, you think he's scooched closer to you, just by a few centimeters, in the process of settling into the sofa.

"My turn," you say. "Why do you want me here?"

"What is this, 21 questions?"

You shrug simply. "You asked me to come in. I'm just curious."

When Seungmin stays silent for a beat too long, you turn your head to watch him, thinking maybe he's knocked out because of the alcohol in his system. But you find him wide awake, his eyes staring ahead, looking like he's already sober.

His face is unreadable when he says, "Wanted to see something."

"See what?"

"See if something is still there."

It's your turn to remain quiet as you process his words, and it's Seungmin who has to turn to gauge your reaction.

"And? Is anything still there?" you ask.

"I don't know, you tell me. You're the one that stayed."

"Does it matter? If I say there is?"

"Of course it does."

"What would you do about it?"

He goes still once more. You know he doesn't have an answer to your question. What would he do? What could he even do? Patch things up only for them to fall apart again in a couple months? Once upon a time, you were naive enough to think that you could find a way to make it work. You had enough blind faith to think that it would all work out in the end; that if you wanted it enough, maybe the universe would let you have this one thing.

You return your gaze to the ceiling. He's shown you his cards, maybe it's only fair that you show him some of yours too.

An uncertain inhale, then the realization that this is the only time you would be able to have an honest conversation with him about this.

"Wanna hear something funny?" you ask.

"I have a feeling you're gonna tell me anyway."

It's anything but funny, and Seungmin is certain that you're not building up to a punchline. Sure, it's a little tragic that nothing matters, but there's some freedom, some comfort in that too. You can tell him everything that's plagued your mind for the past couple hundred days or so without having to worry about the repercussions. Even though not all is said, everything is already done.

"You know, you were mine before you were anyone else's," you say. You feel his eyes on the side of your face. The silence persists, and you aren't sure if you can take it as a sign to continue, but you do so anyway because at least he's not pumping the brakes on it, right? "I used to be jealous of your life. Toward the end, I mean."

"Jealous of what?"

"I don't know. Just your life, your dream. All of it."

Seungmin blinks. "You were jealous that I got to live my dream?"

"I said I was jealous of your life, not you," you correct him. "Because you always seemed to want everything else more than you wanted me."

"You make it sound like I was the bad guy." He turns a little defensive all of a sudden, an edge in his voice when he says, "That's not true."

You still remember him well enough to know that it is.

And it's not such a terrible thing; it's simply the truth. You can't fault him for having a dream and for having enough courage to see it through, even if it means unintentionally leaving you behind in the process. You could foresee the end even from the beginning. If you wanted to blame someone, you would have to blame yourself too.

You swerve around his metaphorical walls, his make-believe suit of armor. If you'd been nervous around Seungmin tonight, then that anxiety is now chipping away brick by brick the more you internalize the fact that nothing matters anymore.

"Remember your last show before we broke up? You were so happy, I was so proud of you. You belong on stage and I never wanted to take that away from you. But then I noticed the crowd, the thousands of people out there cheering your name and I realized that I would never compare to them. Their praise meant more to you than mine, and it was only a matter of time before you outgrew me to look for bigger and better spotlights.

"I'm not saying you were wrong for any of it. I don't blame you. You were always going to outgrow me. It's sad, but it's okay. I always knew that you'd have to leave me behind at some point. It's on me too; I just fell too hard too fast for someone who could never stay. It's your dream, you can't help it. But that night... that was the nail in the coffin for me, knowing that one day, to you, I would be just one of the faces in a crowd that you can't even tell apart."

It doesn't hurt as much as you thought it would. In fact, it's even a little cathartic to pour out the words that have been sitting heavy on your chest. Although it's not until a single tear spills over that you realize your eyes have welled up somewhere along the way. You quickly wipe it away with your thumb, then you feel his hand reach for yours after a few beats.

Seungmin calls your name, and you can hear the regret in his voice. When you look at him, his eyes have softened, no longer on the defense now that you've beat him to the offense. "I'm not drunk enough to forget about this in the morning, you know," he says.

"Does it matter? What are you going to do about it in the morning?" you ask. "We're already broken up. It's not like we can go anywhere from here. But at least now you know what it was like for me."

It seems to be a common theme tonight - stretches of silence in between admissions of truth so that one of you can gauge the other's reaction, trying to assess what path would be worth it to take at this crossroad you find yourselves unable to move on from.

Then he's tugging on your hand, pulling you to him until you're in each other's orbit again. Close enough for him to wrap his arm around you. Close enough that you're weak, not that you were ever that strong to begin with. It doesn't really come as a surprise that you let him.

"I..." Seungmin starts, full of uncertainty as he tries to string together a sentence. "We could go back."

This isn't a surprise either, that you're considering his words.

"What happens when it ends again?"

You can practically taste the residual bourbon on his breath when he leans into you, his lips brushing your cheek just slightly. "Then it ends again," he says, a little pained, all too selfish. "But it'll be worth it. It's worth it to me."

"What if it's not what I want? What if it's not worth it to me?"

He pulls back, putting some distance between your faces so he could see you better, the deep brown of his eyes searching for something that you're both aware of.

"You came tonight," he murmurs, as if that in and of itself is a sufficient enough explanation. "You stayed."

Not all is said, but everything is already done.

You had chance after chance after chance to leave, to shut this down - whatever this is - but you didn't, not even once. You're still a willing participant even though you've lived through this ending before. You know he loved you, know he loves you even if the way he goes about it is selfish.

Because you do know the answer to his questions. It's clear as day; anyone can see it from a mile away.

When your world eventually comes crashing down again some time from now, you won't blame Seungmin. You won't blame yourself either, despite having option to walk away from all of this right now.

Because maybe some pains are worth enduring twice, aren't they?

Why did you come? Why did you stay?

Is anything still there?

all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 08.06.2024]

[fromtheheavens]

IS THAT SOLOMON!?!? (REDESIGN)!!

SO! This redesign actually took me less than 15 hours! ლ(⌒▽⌒ლ) (Could that purely be because I design him so simply? Probably…)

BUT BESIDES THAT

If you couldn’t tell from my use of emoticons- It’s Panda again!!!! (cause it’s a joint account obvi~~) And I literally think that this redesign turned out pretty good. However the hair was pretty tricky (T-T*) (And I don’t even know if Solomon simps are down with long hair Solomon like I AM DOWN with long hair Solomon, but anyway…) Solomon is our most head-cannoned character (Believe it or not..) so be prepared for that yap. Yeah and I don’t know what else to say… so, ONTO THE GOODS!!!!! ヾ(^ ^ゞ

ꉂ (´∀｀)ʱªʱªʱª ENJOY‼︎

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ·͙*̩̩͙✧˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙- REDESIGN EXPLANATION -*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙☆ ˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙ ✧‧͙ ˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

SO- Hello! with this design came a few changes that I’ll explain now! YES YES, anyhow the first change that I made was Solomon’s beautiful long majestic locks (>▽<)!! The reason he has long hair? Cause why not- but also because it makes him look more sly in my opinion! Moving to the outfit, since it seems he keeps it simple I just gave him wide arm sleeves with like constellations and stars on it like how it is on his jacket

So now basically bro just put his jacket on…..welp- NOW ONTO THE HEADCANONS

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ·͙*̩̩͙✧˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙- HEADCANONS -*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙☆ ˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙ ✧‧͙ ˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

So the headcanon section will be in a different format since it’s borderlining an au… (oops! σ(*´∀｀*)). And there’s a lot! So let us know if you want to hear some of our head canons ✨in-depth✨~ and more of them.

GIANT FYI OUR SOLOMON IS DEFO INSPIRED BY THE BIBLE SOLOMON SO BEAR THAT IN MIND!!!!!(Because I’m putting my catholic knowledge to use ✧ദ്ദി( ˶^ᗜ^˶ ))

-Solomon is pasty because of how long he’s lived so his body has stop producing melanin(Is that how it works? Idk but no way bro can be from Jerusalem and that pale so…¯\(ツ)/¯)

-Tattoos| bro is Tatted up from the neck down just absolutely covered. Why? Because he has something something pacts and is a wh*re for a new tool to use.

- Bro is messed up in the head | okay bro has lived wayyyyy to old to not be a little ill. I think to a certain extent bro lacks compassion and empathy and things, and doesn’t really realize fully how much of his humanity he lost…….(Me personally I wouldn’t take that L but y’know) Also just because he doesn’t age doesn’t mean his brain is doing good and I’m sure bro doesn’t remember plenty of things.

-Bro doesn’t know what to do with himself | I think bro has a really big brain cage but sometimes it’s just the DVD symbol bouncing around. Like bro will try to rizz Mc with the weirdest pickup line known to man then be confused when he gets a side-eye. There is no way bro doesn’t act like an npc sometimes. Like there’s so many things he can’t really experience anymore because of his immortality, which makes him scary .. ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

-Bro is shady… | Idk don’t know bout ya’ll but I did not trust this man the first time he pulled up in the game. Like “Yeah I just transported to hell and now I’m surrounded by demons, but my real fear is the other “human” student here”. Like bro just gives off mass-manipulatior vibes. Like Hannibal making Mason eat his own nose type manipulation( If you get that reference I’ll kiss you （￣ε￣ʃƪ）) Like if I’m being honest I don’t trust bro as far as I can throw him. (No shade to my bro ski though😫✌️)

Okayyyy! that’s all I have to say for you today pookies~ Thank you for reading!!!!!

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ·͙*̩̩͙✧˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙- OTHER REDESIGNS -*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙☆ ˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙·̩̩̥͙*̩̩̥͙ ✧‧͙ ˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

Lucifer

Diavolo

Satan

[toomuchracket]

obsessed with the thought of going to like a big industry party with matty soon after you get engaged, he's taking you around introducing you to people and you're like "hi I'm mattys ex-gf" and of course people are like "you broke up???" And matty turns to you and is like,"Babe. you have to stop introducing yourself like that." and then goes back to the person and says,"Yes, she's not my girlfriend anymore because she's my fiancee. sorry she finds it hilarious to introduce herself like that, " and you're just giggling to yourself, and matty has a small smile on his face because he loves you and your silly little jokes

(I get birthday party matty vibes from this but tbh it could be any of them)

no you're right this is extremely birthday party!! also it reminds me of that one meme from brother bear, the "quit telling everyone i'm dead" "sometimes i can still hear his voice" one lmao. anyway! literally the night you and matty got engaged in france, the two of you were lying exhausted ;)) in bed and matty was almost asleep, when you rolled over to him and were like "weird to think i'm technically your ex-girlfriend now huh"; he sighed and said "i'm really marrying a fucking weirdo jesus christ", and you both giggled before falling asleep. and a few days after you get home, you get a chance to use the bit at this random little music award show afterparty full of famous people you've never met - fully creased at the idea of matty chatting to like, idk, bono or some shit (i was listening to inhaler earlier lol) and you being like "hi i'm his ex-girlfriend" and matty sighing and being like "ignore her please she thinks she's hilarious. i mean technically she's right, we got engaged last week so she's my fiancee and not my girlfriend anymore, but it's a misleading joke". but he still looks so lovingly at you while he's chastising you for making bono think you broke up lmao, and he pulls you into a little hug and forehead kiss when you both walk off to get a drink - matty loves you, even if you have shit banter lol. even when you insist on doing the bit when he implores you not to (you're like "oh how the tables have turned for us" lmao), he can't bring himself to be totally exasperated because you're just so bloody cute <3

[sunnysideoflondon]

can i just say i love the demoni album (by joker out)?? every song literally goes so hard even the one i'd rank last if i had to is really goddamn good. i also like how the album contrasts with umazane misli (the album not the song) as its sort of about falling in love whilst demoni is like falling out of love? i haven't listened to the majority of umazane misli so im sorry if im wrong lmfao anyway. i had a thought that was like "the track order is usually on purpose right?" so that prompted me to make a summary of the contents of each song and i was like wait. this is a storyline. sorry again if these summaries are not fully correct i made them with one braincell and i dont have the energy to look up the lyrics again haha ok so katrina is like just post-breakup. "why do you keep on playing me. do you love me or not? i need you and hate you at the same time". ne bi smel is like "im sorry this was all my fault but i didnt have any other choice. i want you back but i know i betrayed you. it's my fault. im sorry". plastika is sort of like a side thing possibly its about hating how you look and having surgery to look perfect and beautiful. "it doesn't matter about anything else, im perfect now". i think this song has a deeper meaning that would fit more cleanly into the storyline of the other songs but im not big brained enough to figure out how exactly if i figure out ill update this. now, massive whiplash as we jump into demoni which is like "i need you here. when im not here my demons play with me" (idk how to better explain it besides just drawing from the og lyrics hah) important to note that this song is the title track. padam is like "i should've believed them instead of going through with us. someone help me. please. where is everyone?" vse kar vem is like "everything ends eventually, you just didn't need me anymore". ona is like "you never cared. but i care so much. so so much". tokio is like "we're not gonna see each other again. only photos will know we were together". note the more peaceful music as opposed to the deeply upset vibe of the others. kind of ironic how ngvot is like "ah, so we meet again. we've both changed albeit differently. we don't talk about it anymore though!" note the incredibly happy music of the song it's so incredibly jarring hearing them repeat "we dont talk about it anymore" with this happy ass music lmfao lastly novi val is like really abstract and could really mean a lot of things. i take it as a general message but it could really be anything. also note that it makes me want to cry so bad. one day im gonna bawl my eyes out because of that goddamn song agh OKAY UM OKAY. so basically the whole album is about a slow acceptance of the breakup but still feeling bitter about it at the end. i think. however this mystery person (probably called katrina) that the singer broke up with could've been anything tbh. you can interpret this really broadly and i think that's why i like the album so much too. it doesnt have to just be about events and feelings post-breakup but also just things in a general sense. so you can find solace in the album regardless of what your situation is. i think thats pretty neat.

or maybe im just overthinking it haha :D

[starberrywander]

If you're pro gender abolition, how can anyone be trans*gender* without *gender*? Fucking transphobe kys

Responding probably isn't the best choice because I'm getting the vibe you won't care what I say but I wanna express this idea anyway.

First of all, I have no idea what post you're referencing so I assume its a bit old and I can't guarantee I still believe all the things in it. Just a heads up before you call me a hypocrite over something I don't remember saying. My opinions change a lot because I spend a lot of time seeking new perspectives. Because of the community around it I probably wouldn't refer to my own views as "gender abolition" anymore. Maybe "gender liberation" but I don't really label it anymore, its just an aspect of my perspective.

Second, if you insult me again this conversation is over. Chill the fuck out, people are allowed to have opinions. Get a grip. You're acting immature.

Lastly, at the current moment here is how I view gender: Gender is a social category created by cultures based around the social roles given to each sex. When people have different roles in society, they tend to form communities and sometimes derive identity from the experience of that group.

However, human beings cannot be easily sorted into these categories and because biology is not the same as self perception, trying to use the unconnected categories to sort people is going to result in some error. That's trans people.

It seems you are approaching gender as something that is.... solid? objective? measurable? I don't know the exact right word. But gender is not a tangible thing that either does or does not exist as a fact of the universe. It is a social concept created by humans, which means we can choose to un-create it. Or edit it. Whichever works out best. So I would like to live in a world where gender doesn't exist (at least as we know it today), but I do not and never have claimed that gender doesn't currently exist. It currently exists and people are free to trans it as much as they want. In fact, I would encourage people to go wild and trans their gender all over the place to fuck with gender roles, because that proves how bullshit it is to divide people into rigid categories like that.

I don't see gender as a bad thing. It is a neutral thing that arises from the bad practice of assigning social meaning to reproductive biology. The thing I have an issue with is when people's sex is used to determine what is and is not socially acceptable, or to assume things about who they are as a person. I think that sex should have no social meaning, basically. Gender, I don't care. It can continue to exist but I think that in a world where sex no longer has social meaning gender would start to become obsolete. It probably wouldn't mean as much to identify as a certain gender because you would now be free to just be yourself and define yourself fully, so I predict that people would stop using gender as an identifier and it would kinda fade away.

And who knows, maybe my predictions are wrong. I'll never know unless we change the perception of sex, and I'm not confident that will happen in my lifetime. For now, gender is a neutral concept and I see not being cis as a rebellion against enforced, sex-based social roles. A rebellion that I am very much a part of and have been since before I was active on this site, so idk how you came to the transmisic conclusion except maybe by assuming things based on the fact that I used the words "gender abolition" once. Which if so, is a massively impulsive assumption and a sign you should maybe check yourself for reactionary impulses and emotional reasoning? Just a suggestion, I don't have enough detail to know for sure. Maybe I'll make a post later on about language vs communication but I just woke up and wanna get back to my day.

Anyway, I hope that helped. Imma go play phasmophobia.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Regarding your last post, I thought the same while watching the behind the scenes of the MV. This is not a shade because I myself am not fluent in English and still need to improve a lot but to me it seems quite obvious Jungkook’s English isn’t as good as some Army like to pretend (I’m going to get call names…). I would say he’s around a low intermediate level, which is perfectly fine, he has a busy life so it doesn’t let him a lot of time to study. I guess his understanding is better than his speaking skills, which is usually the case for most of language learners, but orally I don’t think he fully grasps all the meanings and nuances and the slang etc. I just want to say again this is not me trying to belittle his abilities, it’s only my opinion, but to me it doesn’t look like he fully understands what he sings… his face expressions in that video, it looks like sometimes he was a bit clueless. I’m not saying he has no idea of what he is singing, obviously he got a full translation before accepting the project but he doesn’t look like he truly "feels" the lyrics and immerge himself in it. Idk, for me it lacks something and that video made me a bit uncomfortable. I know I’m being a bit dramatic but I can’t shake the feeling that the industry is using him for cash and immediate success without paying much attention to who he his, his personality, his artistry. And another collab is on the way with Kid Laroi apparently… I’m losing interest. I want to hear Jungkook on his own, with a song made only for him and that reflects who he is as a person and an artist. I miss that feeling, seeing him perform so honestly, when you can see on his face and hear in his voice how much he feels the song, how deep he goes to find the emotions and bring them to the surface. I truly hope there will be songs on his album that makes me feel connected to him again because at the moment it feels like I am totally unable to enjoy what he’s doing.

I don't even know if he bothered translating Jack Harlow's parts tbh. I remember one Run BTS episode where they had to sing their songs without using English, so they had to translate some lyrics to Korean, and, apart from RM, the members didn't even know what the English lyrics meant. I remember J-Hope being shocked, like, "So this is what this part means?", which was a bit wild for me since it was his song. Tbh, I don't bother reading the translation to most kpop songs. I only know what the tts mean because most MVs have subtitles now. If not, then too bad... Most songs have boring lyrics so it's often best if I don't know them. It's different for the artist, but I still can't be certain that Jungkook bothered finding out the translation to Jack's parts although he's the type to. Maybe he was so busy he didn't bother? Maybe he recorded his parts and only gave his blessing to the final version which included Jack's verses, without approving the lyrics beforehand. He doesn't seem the type to control what other people write in their own verses. Maybe he was too busy to translate the lyrics and only did it later? All seem to be possible options. The fact that Jungkook had to be coached to do the right facial expressions and gestures for his TikTok with Jack made it seem like he wasn't sure at all what the lyrics meant - at least then. It also makes me confident that he doesn't know what "rain, rain, rain" or "champagne, confetti" really mean. I think Jungkook cares more about melody and the vibe than lyrics.

Anyway, I don't think the industry is using him. He's not a victim anymore than anyone else. He's making his own choices, as much as someone in the industry can. Of course Big Hit loves the choices he's making because he's doing so well commercially, but I think he's made it clear that he loves what he's been doing. And if he's letting other people make choices for him, the blame is on him too, because he's in a position where he can say no.

I also want to hear Jungkook on his own, but, unless he's truly being pressured into only doing collabs for whatever reason, these are the choices he's making.

Thanks for the ask!

[mangodestroyer]

I think I'm getting to the point where my nostalgia for old media is wearing off.

I get that it was all made during a different time, but a lot of things from the 80's, 90's, and 2000's that I used to indulge in just didn't age well. There's just too much casual misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia, for one. Not all shows, books, games, etc. were like this, ofc. Some media, you could tell was kind of making fun of discrimination and wanted to secretly support the LGBTQ+ (but couldn't openly do so for obvious reasons). And there are also tons of good female characters in old media who were not shown in a misogynistic light.

But then you see all the jokes about how awful, catty, impulsive, and emotional women are. How it's always implied that men are just the superior sex/gender, and the only thing women have over them is that they are... more nurturing ig??? Some sitcoms are just unwatchable because they especially tend stoop to this level. All the women are the same. Barely able to tolerate each other, very emotional and bitchy for "no reason," and overly obsessed with the idea of having babies and being with a man.

I'm not saying we should cancel this old media or whatever. I am fully aware that people are able to separate fiction from reality. I know people who can watch this content and still not be an a-hole. Although I also know people who still carry views like this about women, or get mad over "men in dresses." And yeah... I don't talk to those people if I can help it.

But for me personally? After hanging around in the real world for a while and realizing how rampant discrimination is, I can't stomach that content anymore.

It's more than just discrimination too. The old conservative views are also just unappealing to me. Being overly judgmental of anything that's outside of the norm, worshipping work culture (glorifying toxic practices and mocking those who can't work full-time/want to live a simple life), thinking it's stupid for people to care about the environment and world peace, etc. Ig this was all supposed to be funny, but this "boomer humor", as some people call it, really isn't funny. Speaking of bad humor...

"I can't stand my wife!" Gross! It's especially gross since men during that time had even more power over women than they do now. A wife was also a free servant and free childcare 24/7 back in the day. Sometimes, women worked and did all the child rearing and housework. And anyone who's been around the block also knows that the bedroom stuff was 100% on the man's terms. Actually, there are still relationships like this nowadays. But it brings me joy knowing that less and less women are getting into relationships because they don't want to be treated like that anymore (yes, studies are showing that more women are single and refusing to have kids or get married).

Idk, there just tends to be a general vibe in some of this media that rubs me the wrong way. It's very clear to me that it was written during a time when less people were aware of the problems with the world. I mean, the characters just act like they're very sheltered and ignorant.

I like how newer media works to correct some of this. Especially indie projects. They tend to embrace diversity more and accept reality for what it is. Plus, story telling as an art form continues to evolve over the years. People nowadays seem to focus more on character arcs on top of writing a compelling story. Many stories from the past seemed to use characters as tools for the plot rather than showing them as people. They didn't want characters too seem "too weak" or whatever. That's how it feels to me, anyway. I think people realized that slice of life elements can actually be fun and build on the characters, rather than slog the story down.

I know people are afraid of change. Sometimes, I am too. But sometimes, it really is for the better. I know people like to look at the past and say that things, especially stories, were better back then. And that maybe be true with how companies keep messing around with writer's these days. But when given the freedom to do what they want, I think writer's have actually gotten better at their craft.

[dragontamer22]

Some not-so-quick hypotheses on the S3 specials:

-definitely in agreement with others that there will be a small ish but meaningful timeskip.

-it will be the Adults who reopen the portal door because they literally have access to what they'd need for that, it just might take a while since the blueprints they DID have didn't quite work and making it stable is... Something! Maybe they make a new door? Maybe.

-i actually think the kids will return to the demon realm in the *second* special, maybe around the halfway ish marker? Sometime in the second episode for sure though.

-this is because I think the first special will deal with the immediate fallout from King's Tide, on both sides. Rising action and all that.

-idk when the time skip will happen but I think it will most likely be between the first and second special. Idk makes sense to me, but I can invision being partway through the first or second episode, I just really think it's a cleaner split to have it between episodes.

-feel this goes without saying but I'll say it anyways, the series finale is perfectly set up to be a three act 2hr15min story because of the three episodes, and I fully 100% expect the episodes to each be their own Act, rather than something clunky like others have suggested, with each episode focusing on different arcs.

-agree that Camila will be going to the demon realm with the kids. She's a GOOD Mom and is going with them!!!

-Vee/the basilisks will be important to the plot somehow, as others have mentioned

-i see no reason why new permanent portal door(s) couldn't be made by the end

-IF and ONLY IF anyone dies who is a good guy, and I really mean IF AND ONLY IF, then I predict Lilith will sacrifice herself for something idk what but like if someone has to die so Dana and crew get their bittersweet ending then I feel the narrative threads are actually pointing to a Lilith death. Eda? No she's done it too many times, each more successful than the last I suppose but idk I think Eda has learned her lesson about sacrificing herself and after multiple tries in different ways, this last one was the last one that would be emotionally impactful and anymore I think would be exceeding the threshold of acceptable near deaths, which I think is 3. Yeah rule of 3 I think applies here. Let's leave it at that.

They're not gonna kill any of the kids, and I just don't think Raine, Darius, or Eberwolf are dying either. Both for meta reasons and also because none of them have any real narrative death flags? Like Darius and Eberwolf have just been vibing trying to stop Belos. Raine is Raine, and is much more clearly written to be the "the love of my life was let go and has returned to me just as in love with me but now we're both Older and Wiser and can actually have a healthy relationship at long last" and idk it would feel like a huge waste for Eda and Raine to come full circle about their love just for one of them to die? I mean I guess the drama would be intense, but I just don't get the vibe at all. And I don't think they'd kill off Eda's love interest like that.

But LILITH!? This woman STILL obviously feels horrible about what she did to Eda, and in the penultimate episode of season two she even very obviously tried offering to take Eda's place in the draining spell. And throughout season two she's been trying so hard to make things right, and I feel from Clouds on the Horizon that she still hasn't forgiven *herself* for what she did (and who can blame her?) As much as Lilith is redeemed to the audience, she isn't redeemed to *herself.* And IFF anything happens at all to cause major good character death, Lilith is going to take the brunt of it. She has the motivation, the redemption arc, and willingness to do something drastic to save her sister. Those are some pretty big death flags to me.

-and obviously the collector will be redeemed

-luz will be allowed to stay in the boiling isles and we can finally have an Isekai where the main character gets to stay!!! Maybe even regularly travel between worlds... *Sighs* I wish.

-not so much a prediction as a manifestation of wants: mall trip with the hexsquad (and Vee?)

-SOMEONE in the group will get really into watching soap opera type stuff idk who but my first guess is Gus, for no reason other than vibes. It feels right.

-camila LOVES Amity and is super happy for Luz having such a lovely girlfriend, insert cute cringe mom stuff

-slumber party in the living room while beds are acquired

-at least one big family meal together, please

-hunter experiences joy and gets sleep

[hyunjilicious]

I just read what is and what should never be and it was PHENOMENAL! I love everything you write anyway so I was wondering if you could do a small one where Bucky is alone and depressed and he calls yn because he feels lost and she is just there for him? No worries if you can't! I love you anyway 💕

Omg!! You’re too sweet! I really wanted to do this one justice, but I suck at angst... I love you too!! and I’m sorry if this sucks!

Summary: after the events of Endgame, you and Bucky part ways. Even though you haven’t spoken in months, when he needs you, you’re there ANGST 2.2k

Warnings: overall angsty vibes. Sad Bucky. Idk depictions of depression I guess? shitty writing!

“You came” Bucky's surprised tone pulled you out of your thoughts.

Before saying anything else, you shook your head in disbelief. From certain points of view, he looked exactly the same as when you last saw him months ago, but if you looked past his rugged exterior, it was very easy to tell something was truly eating away at his heart.

“Of course I came” you frowned, “You called me”

“Thought you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore” Bucky mumbled.

You looked him up and down, thoroughly confused by his statement, but decided to keep the tone of the conversation from going too dark too fast. “Shut up, Barnes” you scoffed, “Don’t even joke about that.” A hint of a smile appeared at the corner of his lips, but it was forced, you could easily tell he wasn’t truly being himself. “What’s up?”

Bucky took a deep breath as if gathering the courage to word his thoughts. When his eyes met yours he flinched, the pain clouding his otherwise bright blue eyes. He started with a long sigh and a shake of his head but then, cringed as he finally spoke up. “I need help”

His confession went directly to the pit of your stomach. “What happened? Whatever it is, you got it, but what-”

“Nothing happened” Bucky stopped you, “I need help”

“I don’t understand”

“I need someone to-” he sighed, closing his eyes as his head fell forward in what could only be described as shame, “I need someone to talk to” and it was funny, considering he just walked out of his psychiatrist’s office. “Someone that’s not paid to listen to me” he added, “Someone who understands”

It was moments like these that you truly wished Steve was still here. Or Nat. Your best friends, yes, but they were the glue that held you all together, and now in their absence, you were all threatening to fall apart. 

But of course you’d be there for Bucky. Whatever he needed you were more than eager to provide, but at the same time, you were fully aware that your capabilities were limited. You didn’t lack the understanding or the experience, but you lacked the words. You had the sympathy, but not the advice he needed. But you were there. Like you have always been and always will be, so, that afternoon you ended up on his living room floor.

Surrounded by empty bottles of alcohol that had no effect on either of you whatsoever, you sat and listened to him rant his heart out until his throat couldn’t take it anymore. And then he broke down - completely. A full on mess, tears staining his cheeks as the temperature dropped in the room with every other pained groan he’d release. But he let it all out and the weight he had been carrying on his shoulder was unimaginable. There were too many things eating away at his heart, but the guilt was what kept him under its spell, what kept him up for the last months, what was physically destroying him.

“Y/n... “ he called for you, face hidden in his hands as he spoke, “I know you’re gonna say no, but-”

“No,” you stopped him, “Then don’t ask me”

“Please”

“No, Bucky” you sighed, grabbing his wrist so you could look him in the eyes, “If you already know it’s a bad idea, please don’t tell me because I’m afraid I’ll actually go through with it right now”

“But i can’t fucking sleep!” he cried out loud, falling back against the couch, arms propped up on his knees, “I keep having the same nightmares over and over again, and I can’t take it anymore”

“You don’t-” you took a deep breath, “You don’t want me to erase your mind, do you?”

The look in his eyes proved that that was exactly what he wanted. And the unshed tears that coated the otherwise pure and radiant blue of his eyes was almost enough to convince you.

“Please-” he begged, “I-”

“No, Buck” you shook your head and shuffled to face him properly, “As time passes, it’s only gonna get worse. The past will eventually catch up to you. You’ll want to know what you did”

He didn’t have it in him to fight you, so silence settled for a while. “You know sedatives don’t work on me?”

“I… never thought about it, but that makes sense”

Bucky gathered his lips into a tight line and nodded his head.

“Lady shrink isn’t of any help?” you asked.

“I have no clue what she’s doing” he shrugged, “Maybe it’s good in the long run, but fuck if I know how she expects me to make any kind of progress right now”

“You are, tho” you reassured him, “Making progress I mean”

“Am I?” Bucky laughed incredulously.

“Yes! You’re almost completely on your own feet. You really pushed through”

“Or maybe I’m just ignoring all of my problems”

“You just told me about them” you chuckled, and threw an arm over his shoulders.

Hesitatingly at first, he eventually leaned in into your hold, allowing himself to completely fall against your chest. “I hate this”

“I think that’s a given” you laughed, curling your fingers around the roots of his way too short hair. “A wise man once said that whenever someone acts like they have their shit together, they’re either lying or delusional”

“Who said that?”

“I don’t know” you confessed, “I saw that on the internet”

For the first time that night, you actually heard him laugh, and it sounded so good - it was short and weak, but it was sweet and honest. “That’s a pathetic attempt at cheering me up, but I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it” Bucky said as he pushed himself up.

“I wish I could do more” you mumbled, “But I don’t know what, or how, but-”

“Thank you”

“You don’t have to thank me, you know that” you smiled.

He didn’t know that. He’d never stop thanking you for even the smallest gestures. The day where Bucky would understand that kindness, in some cases, is a given, was far away, but you had the patience and determination to work for it.

As you talked and talked, and the topic of conversation kept shifting from one area to the other, the sun set, night settling outside his small windows. It was time for you to leave, and you would’ve done it, had he asked you not to at the last second.

You had your shoes on and one hand on the door handle, when he stumbled over his words, obviously too shy to properly hold his ground. “Actually can you- can you-” he mumbled, pointing to his couch, “Can you stay here tonight?”

And of course you did. The night didn’t last much longer after that, with Bucky settling on the floor, only a blanket to keep him company, and you sprawled out on the couch as silence settled.

But your mind was too busy to drift off. You knew his’ was too, but decided to refrain from speaking up, hoping to let him fall asleep, even for a short while.

It was loud inside your head. You always promised yourself you’d never intrude on someone’s thoughts and read through them without their approval, but you physically felt Bucky radiate energy, and your mind just slipped. But then, your heart almost stopped.

You saw yourself. You saw yourself slapping him back in Wakanda when he decided to go under ice again, you saw yourself moving a car out of his way back in Bucharest, when you risked your life for his because you trusted Steve that much, and because you were that good of a friend. You saw yourself at Tony’s funeral, eyes shiny with tears and then felt an almost uncontrollable urge to hug yourself - and then realised it wasn’t your urge, it was Bucky’s. At this point, your heart beat so fast you were actually afraid he’d hear it. But when goosebumps appeared all over your skin, you realised he couldn’t hear you, that he was asleep and that the nightmares started materializing. 

What convinced you to act on it was the sudden jerk of his body and the way to fully tensed instantly after. So, unable to just sit and watch, you rolled over to the side and allowed your hand to fall by his temple, little specks of light rolling off the tips of your fingers as you forced the thoughts away. Seconds later, you saw him relax and shift around, gathering the blanket he laid on to his chest as he drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

His relaxed form and the steady pace of his breathing put a smile on your face. But you made the mistake of thinking this was a one time thing, however, before you realised, you found yourself leaning over him again, ushering yet another wave of nightmares away. And it kept being an ongoing process until the sun rose, and you cursed yourself as you did not get one second of shut eye. But it was worth it. The sight of him finally resting, knowing he spent his night in his happy place that you this time did not intrude on, made up for your tiredness. 

When Bucky drifted out of his deep sleep, you figured it was safe to relax too. But knowing that if you went to sleep right now you wouldn’t wake up until noon, you stood up, determined to give him the full best friend experience.

But all you found in his kitchen was a box of stale cereal, a soft cucumber and candy wrappers. Had he not looked so adorable sleeping shirtless and curled into a ball on the floor, you would have woken him up yelling. But instead, you decided to order some food, and the simple fact that the sound of the delivery guy ringing the doorbell didn’t wake him up, actually terrified you. With a life like yours, no one sleeps that deeply, but then there he was, snoring away the late hours of the morning. 

By the time he finally stirred awake, the food was already cold, and you were bored out of your mind. “What- what time is it?” he mumbled, voice rich with sleep.

“A little bit past 2” you yawned from your spot on the couch.

“2 pm?” Bucky huffed, sitting up in a hurry and rushing to grab his phone. “What the-” he turned to you confused, “It’s 2pm…”

“Yeah” you sighed, “And the food is cold”

“Food?” Bucky gawked, looking over at the small table by the window, “You got food?”

“You didn’t have any” you defended yourself. You wanted to scold him for not taking better care of himself, but he looked so homey and cozy and vulnerable, that you couldn’t bring yourself to.

Eventually, you stood up and walked over to him. “I’ll let you eat, Buck, but I gotta go” you sighed, giving him a hug, “Got some stuff to do” you lied, by stuff meaning sleep, since you were exhausted.

“Yeah, of course” he mumbled in agreement, wrapping his arms around your frame, and bringing you closer. He sank his head into the crook of your neck, holding you to his chest for a moment longer than you would have considered friendly. But you didn’t complain, his hold was stern and loving, and you really needed that right now. “Thank you” Bucky added when he finally let you go. His right palm cupped your cheek as he looked down at you, awe and admiration in his eyes.

“Nothing to thank me for, Buck” you smiled, and then pulled away.

He silently watched you get ready to leave, following you around until you reached the door and turned around to say goodbye. And it was weird. Your heart boomed against your ribcage, and you didn’t have to read his thoughts to know he was feeling the same kind of nervous. And it may have been the one too many stories you read but you actually feared something was going to happen. Thankfully, it didn’t. Instead you shared another hug, and parted ways.

However, all you managed to do was reach the staircase before you heard his door open, followed by the sound of his bare feet sprinting down the hallway. “What are you-”

“Can you stay?” he asked, shaking from head to toe, “In New York I mean, can you please stay? Just a few more days”

“Well, I- yeah, I guess I can” you mumbled.

“I just, I need a few more days. You’re screwing my head back on, I just need you now. Steve is gone, and Sam is all the way in Louisiana and I hate phones and I-”

“Wow-” you laughed, “I’m not even the second choice, I’m the third?”

“Shut up, Y/n” Bucky frowned, “Stop being a smartass for a second”

“I’m sorry” you rolled your eyes, but he didn’t care.

In the blink of an eye, Bucky threw his arms around your shoulders and hugged you close, and you weren’t sure if the ‘I love you’ that echoed inside your mind had actually been spoken or just thought, but it was everything you never knew you needed.

[bthump]

You mentioned that Guts compartmentalizes Griffith, making a difference between him pre and post eclipse, can you cite some specific examples of that? Some people I've talked to are skeptical and think that he really doesn't do that, and that if he did, he'd be calling him Femto instead of Griffith to make a sharper distinction.

Yeah, no problem! Though just for the record, if you’re getting into a heated argument with someone online then I’d prefer for you to just use my opinions instead of linking back here, yk?

It's not something I'll ever make a big deal out of of course, my blog is public and I fully accept that anyone can find me, and I'm cool with people linking to me in general and in chill discussions etc. But I want to avoid the possibility of getting dragged into an argument lol so yk, just use your judgement wrt whether someone might be a dick to me if you’re linking my blog plz and ty <3

So anyway! This is under a cut because I've illustrated all my points with cited panels from the manga lol, so it's long.

First of all, as far as I can remember, basically no one calls him Femto except Void. Idk why, but even other magic beings and the narrative itself tend to refer to him euphemistically (the fifth one, the incarnate, the desired, etc) than by name, so it would be kind of weird if Guts called him Femto. It just seems more natural to have Guts refer to him as Griffith imo.

Secondly, tbf I’d say it's a little more nuanced than Guts compartmentalizing different versions of Griffith completely, but like, in the opposite way most people might assume lol. He conflates human Griffith and Femto/NGriff by projecting his feelings about human Griffith onto Femto/NGriff, rather than by projecting Femto/NGriff onto human Griffith, ykwim?

He's not angry at human Griffith, his memories for human Griffith and residual feelings for him are still part of what keeps him going:

The campfire from those days saving him from the black flame of hatred or whatever:

(chapter 130)

The lights in Guts’ mind Schierke sees:

(chapter 228)

When he, eg, gets mopey when NeoGriffith abandons him on the Hill of Swords, comparing it to him abandoning human Griffith in the snow.

(chapter 182)

Or when he thinks of NeoGriffith as his "true light," in a context where the rpg group (including Casca) are described as "warm lights," which should tell you what that means lol.

(chapter 190)

And, in case the Beast of Darkness being Guts' subconscious needs explanation, here's a post on that.

Or when he sees NeoGriffith's ass and forgets his urge to kill.

(chapter 177)

You get the idea. There are zero instances of Guts remembering human Griffith with anger. He thinks about him kneeling in the snow with a sense of regret a whole lot

(chapter 130)

Or he thinks of him as the final part of his sad dead Hawk memories montage:

(chapter 90)

But when he feels anger pre-reincarnation, he generally thinks about Femto’s empty helmet, without a human face under it.

(chapter 142)

Or NeoGriffith (though interestingly his face is also obscured here, which I’d forgotten til I found the image lol, nice)

(chapter 328)

ANYWAY, aside from the general vibe of how Guts relates to his anger and to Femto/NGriff vs his quite tender memories of human Griff, he also outright says they’re different here:

“As if he’d been stolen from the past, the way he used to be.” ie he looks like he used to when he was human, but that’s only an illusion because he’s not the same person anymore.

(chapter 177)

“That’s not the Griffith you know anymore!”

(chapter 178)

“Don’t talk to me in that same voice!” (slightly less straightforward, but Guts wouldn’t be so angry and fucked up about NGriff looking and speaking like human Griffith if he viewed him as fundamentally unchanged)

(chapter 178)

Also demons taunt Guts by pointing out that his friend became a monster and he can too, which isn’t Guts’ own thoughts but meshes with them nicely:

(chapter 119)

Thinking about Griffith’s literal physical transformation while trying to hunt Femto down during the mock Eclipse fits as well imo:

(chapter 164)

There aren’t like a ton of explicit statements here (though really, how many do you need? Guts still explicitly states it) but it’s the consistent vibe of how Guts views Femto/NGriff.

Though as far as I can recall, there is one line that arguably contradicts this:

“He hasn’t changed.”

(chapter 345)

This is a direct reference to NeoGriffith proclaiming "Nothing has changed” while “deserting” Guts on the Hill of Swords.

There are two ways to take this (assuming it’s purposful and not accidental bad contradictory writing). Either this is just a reference to the dream specifically, ie Guts thinks his ambition hasn’t changed. Or Guts’ attitude is shifting with time and distance and especially with bitterness over NGriff’s refusal to engage with him. I personally prefer the latter take lol, I think it’s potentially interesting.

ETA: OH AND ALSO I ALMOST FORGOT BUT you also have Rickert asserting that NeoGriffith isn’t “his” Griffith, and NeoGriffith tacitly agreeing:

(chapter 337)

Which isn’t Guts’ point of view but it is a narrative statement that NeoGriffith is distinct from human Griffith and it supports Guts making a distinction between them as well.

Anyway yeah that’s what I got off the top of my head. It’s been a while since I’ve read the whole manga so I could be forgetting something, but hopefully this helps. Thanks for the ask!

[7-11slushies]

Ranking versions of Meant To Be Yours

I’m bored so I’m ranking the JDs based on how they sing Meant To Be Yours. This is only the JDs featured in this video ( https://youtu.be/Ryrt5NWHpFo ) so y’know that’s not all the professional ones and some of the ones featured in it are like university ones. Anyways I did write half of this at 2am so like. A lot of this may just be a mess and me being like “good vibes.” Also, if you ask me some other time maybe this order would have changed. It’s hard to rank 14 different people. Anyways yeah here we go!

1st. Jamie Muscato - Listen. If you didn’t expect this then frankly that’s on you. I will give you the short version for the sake of anyone who reads this (will gladly provide a long version if anyone asks for it). I’m just gonna list the stuff to make this quicker and easier:

“You were MEANT TO BE MINE” with the punch forward

“I am all that you need, you carved open my heart” the way his voice goes slightly softer and he’s walking backward and shaking his head and has his eyes closed and is pulling down his shirt slightly

THE COAT FLIP!!

“Open the, open the door please” He goes a lot quieter then and has that lil smile forming and I LOVE IT

Gonna sound like a tiktok commenter but yeah the pleading and slight whining vibes

The numerous punch downs. There’s like 3 during one section

“I’ve BEEN there” man sounds upset here and I’m :((

THE GUN SPIN!!

The way he walks when saying “Veronica don’t make me come in there” There is a strong chance tho that I don’t love that part cause of how he’s portraying JD, it’s simply because I find Jamie attractive

Man is just so angry and I am here for it (well like. Not really cause y’know what JD is doing is bad, I just mean the angryness is very fitting for the character)

The tone shits tho <33 they are what gets me the most

Anyways I definitely missed stuff but you get the vibe

2nd. Ryan McCartan - If you asked me for my opinion before I put this video on I would say that he's not that great. However, this video seems like it has audio from him actually singing on stage and oh boy do I love it. Man has a really nice voice and I've always liked it so there's that. But dude man has a lot more emotion in this recording?? He sounds like he's about to cry during the "you carved open my heart" line which I absolutely love. And he full on screams "Veronica" and then kinda sounded like he was gonna cry again on the "open the door please" line. I don't like the album version cause he has little emotion in it but nah man is fully going for it here and I love that for him.

3rd. Dan Domenech - Idk what to say about him cause I don't have strong emotions based off just this clip. He has a very nice voice. But idk man it just feels kinda mediocre. I don't love it, I don't hate it. I know I had a lot more thoughts when I watched the full version but I can't be bothered watching it all rn. He doesn't sound angry or upset enough imo. I do like his scream on "Veronica" and "I'm gonna count to three" and how he sounded like he was pleading on the "can we not fight anymore please" line. Also like his lil spin during the "Veronica!" part. Also he doesn’t move too much which like he doesn’t need to but I’d prefer a few more actions.

Joint 4th. Wendell Scherer - Never heard of the man until now but I like his voice. He seems quite frustrated which is a vibe. He's got a good level of nonchalant during some parts. The way he acts when screaming "Veronica, open the, open the door please"? A huge vibe. He's just seems so Done and I love that. I'm pretty sure what I said didn't make much sense there and I just repeated myself. What I'm trying to say is, yknow the part in tl5y in if I didn't believe in you, Jamie says "can we just do that, please? PLEASE?", specifically the Jonathan Bailey version of that song? Yeah those vibes. Anyways I need a full bootleg of this version. Will say that he doesn't have the full chaotic vibes tho. Oh also they “don’t make me come in there” just like. The tad hint of more anger and stuff was good.

Joint 4th. Forest Filiano - First time I watched the video of him singing this song, I loved it, but now I just don’t think it’s anything amazing?? He doesn’t have that good of a voice imo, and most of it is just kinda screaming and not in a good way. That man is going full on chaotic tho so like props to him on that. I like the part where he just aggressively slaps his chest and also like. Throws himself at the door. And the hand through the hair!! Always a big fan of that!! But bestie why put the gun away when you’re gonna kick down the door like there was no need to bring it out then, y’know? But man seems like he’s having a great time so good for him. Also again he’s probably quite young so like I assume he would have a better voice now. Also his singing voice sounds nicer in other songs so like, it’s probably just cause of him going for a more screaming kinda vibe since it fits the song more.

5th. Jordan Luke Gage - He has a good voice and his acting is alright but idk I’m not a big fan tbh?? Man’s hands be going everywhere at the after there. I can’t tell if I love or hate the lil smile he has going on near the start. He seems like he was gonna start giggling. Did kinda sound sad during the “meant to be mine” line but again it did seem like he was on the verge of giggling so. Good yell on the “Veronica!” He be kinda tumbling around the place which is like. Like y’know his movements aren’t all co-ordinated (that’s so not the right word I’m sure but oh well). His voice and lean on the “can we not fight anymore please” part is nice. He sounds kinda stressed and also his voice on “Veronica don’t make me come in there” has the vibes of “I genuinely do not want to have to force myself in but you give me no choice” which is funky in a good way!! The more I watch it, the more it grows on me tbh. Unrelated too but he has good hair.

6th. Mariah Rose Faith - Love her voice, she has such a beautiful voice, definitely is one of the reasons for how I realised I’m bi, but anyways moving on. She’s purely not that high up just cause she can’t really act since it’s just a cover and she’s also doing it on her guitar so she can’t play it or sing it the way she would be able to do if she was actually performing it. But yeah she has just. Such a soft and pretty voice and love it. Also dude he “bleed”? Bestie dragged that out for so long and kept getting higher and it’s just so pretty sounding I’m :(( Also idk how to describe it but the way she sounds during the “Veronica, open the, open the door please” is superior. She just got that lil smile and she sounds so evil and her voice just kinda gains a bit more anger and frustration as it goes. Also, at the begining she kinda sounds upset and heartbroken a bit which is like but it does have the vibes that Veronica is already “dead”

7th. Diego Montez - Always wanted to watch the Brazilian one!! Man is really going for it!! He got the angry vibes down hard. Man got the stomping feet and slapping his chest. I really don’t have much to say. Man is just going for it and I do love it. However, he doesn’t move much, so I’m not a fan of that. He just kinda chills in the same spot. Also what was he doing on the “fuck it!” part?? (I think it was that part) like bestie’s whole body just went down. Anyways yeah it was a vibe. However, it doesn’t really seem like JD to me. Also costume people need to give that man a trenchcoat.

8th. Jacob Fowler - Alright voice, kinda on the softer side, don’t like how he yells “Veronica!” Bestie how are you saying “Can we not fight anymore please?” Like. Sir?? I mean, I don’t think I hate it but just?? Idk it sounded odd. I don’t think he sounds American enough either?? I truly don’t have much to say on him. Don’t hate it, don’t love it. Trying to rank him is so hard too. Like. He is just there. Again, no hate to the man, I do like Jacob, just based on this audio clip I’m not a huge fan.

9th. Jeremy Jordan - Lemme get this clear, mans is my favourite singer and actor ever and if you know me then you know how much I love Jeremy. Also, it pains me so much putting people above him. Anyways, I don't like his JD that much. That's not on him tho, that's on the fact it's a concert and also in a way he is the first musical JD (yeah there's the readings but like I'm not exactly counting them so). But yeah, I like his voice but there's not enough emotion and anger in it. He could 100% do much better now and I could still listen to him sing it all day everyday.

10th. Thomas Sanders - Again I like the man's voice and this is just based on audio but it just sounds mediocre. I genuinely don't have anything to say. Also have a hard time seeing Thomas as JD. Also went and found the tiktok of him singing it (didn’t realise they’d show it later) and it's clear he wasn't very comfortable with singing it in that key(??) (man said so himself even) but he sounds good still!!! Not a huge fan of the acting but I do like some of the angry faces he makes, specifically on the "can't just leave me to bleed" line. He seems like he's going more for the.. I don't wanna say loving side cause clearly the man isn't loving in the song but like.. idk how else to describe it other than loving (it's 2am, I have no braincells okay)

11th. Augusto Castellano - I can’t explain why I don’t like it or why he’s so down below, my gut instinct was just “I don’t like it”. He kinda has the vibes of a spider and a bug with some of those movements. His hands go to his face too often in some weird movements. He seems to be utilising his space tho so that’s good. Once again, he’s got the angry part down fine. Once again, must find the full boot somewhere.

12th. Zachariah Sterner - Pretty sure he's like a teenager so I don't want to judge too harshly. Not a fan of his voice or acting tho, but again pretty sure he's like a teenager (or I'm completely wrong idk) Man is just like the lil standing man emoji tho. He kinda keeps his movements closer to himself which I like. Also the way his voice just kinda went up high during one of the "please"s was fun.

13th. Juanse Diez - I’ve never heard of this man before but anyways! Not a huge fan of his voice. He does look kinda young tho so (do wanna note that I’m aware you can sound good when you’re young, but like, you’re gonna sound better when you’re older cause you’re gonna have more experience and learn more so). He seems to be going more for the softer side in terms of vocals and he doesn’t really sound angry ever. The acting isn’t that good either, mans is mostly just staring at the door. Tbf, this ain’t even done on a stage, it looks like it was from a tiktok so. Anyways no hate to the dude, just don’t like it.

Anyways! No hate to all the JDs! They all do different things well and all have their own interpretation of him, I just enjoy some more than others. If you read this all, I just have to say; why? This was probably a waste of your time tbh. Anyways, have a good day!! I can probably never listen to the ending of this song again after listening to it at least 28 times in a row!!

[bunnykawa]

don’t ignore me (kageyama x f. reader)

summary: Kageyama and you were together for a long time, but he became too much for you. You thought breaking up with him was enough to get away. Turns out you were wrong.

A/N: hi. idk what this is i got bored and wanted to try writing something. anyway this is my first time posting so sorry if it’s shit ahaha. i’m illiterate oops

warnings: 18+, yandere-ish vibes, abuse, noncon/dubcon/rape, choking, brief mentions of stalking, restraints, slight manipulation, kageyama is just mean and abusive sorry

You really missed the comfort of the bed sheets in your new home.

Kageyama paced silently across the floor of your formerly shared bedroom. It was late at night. He was getting restless as he constantly glanced at you sitting in silence on the bed. Your eyes were visibly zoned out, your gaze fixed on an empty corner in the room.

The desire to knock his teeth out and run back home was growing stronger, but you knew your strength was nothing compared to his and it was basically impossible with your situation right now.

"(Y/N)," he finally spoke. His voice strained itself trying to catch your attention. You stayed still, stuck in the same position you've been in for the past few hours with your legs hanging off the bed. You remembered when you used to love the way he said your name, but that was before he changed. You felt him approach you, causing you to flinch so terribly. He's always been bigger and stronger than you. It was a constant reminder back then, and it's a painful reminder by the zip tie cutting into your wrists that were forcibly restraining your arms behind your back, courtesy of Kageyama.

"(Y/N), please talk to me," he begged.

You don't bother to respond. 

When you had first met Kageyama, he was completely different. Although a little awkward and somewhat antisocial when it came to you, you found it quite endearing. Most days were spent spectating his volleyball practices and matches after school and arguing on what drink is the best to buy from the vending machine.He would even walk you home. Although you never ever told him your address, he somehow led the way to your house the first time he walked you home. 

You found yourself being more and more attracted to the dark-haired volleyball boy as time went on. All throughout high school, you would have said you were in love with him.

Then you two started officially dating.

You thought he was a little overprotective. He seemed to have a terrible temper. He just seemed...entirely different. The once aloof boy suddenly became super clingy. You were together everyday and when you weren't, he was constantly texting you or calling you. When he was angry, it felt like the whole world would end because somehow it was never his fault. Sometimes he became violent with you just to hold you when you cried. Your friends stopped talking to you all of a sudden. You lost contact with your family because Kageyama believed that they would take you away from him. He would get jealous of anyone and everyone that tried to get close to you. You only needed him.

"Look at me."

So, you broke up with him. You finally felt free after his presence overwhelmed your senses for years. You could finally breathe. Kageyama would no longer be there to pester you or scare you. You could finally make friends and go out as you pleased!

Except he kept pestering you. The calls and texts never stopped. The new friends you would make would suddenly start avoiding you, too. Sometimes you would even dream about his hands around your neck. You weren't sure if you were becoming paranoid or not, but you always felt like he was watching you from afar. One thing about Kageyama that really stuck out to you was that he absolutely hated being ignored.

"I brought you here so you would stop fucking ignoring me!"

You yelped in fear as he forced your body down on the bed with his clammy hands wrapped around your neck. You were forced to stare into his dark blue eyes that sent a chill down your spine, knocking you out of your thoughts. You shift uncomfortably because now you were squishing your hands behind your back. He was holding in his anger for too long. The frustration of not knowing what you were doing at all times of the day hurt him in a way he never thought was possible.

Your legs were spread open with his torso between them. If your hands were free, you know for sure you'd be grabbing at his iron grip for release.

"Don't ignore me! I just want you to speak to me again, (Y/N)," he hissed, "I want to hear you say you love me again."

But you don't love him. The words flashed in your mind over and over again. I don't love you anymore. You pressed your quivering lips together to silence yourself, staring up at him with wide and tearful eyes only to avert your gaze to somewhere else. The longer you drew out the silence, the more he felt his blood boiling. You need to love me, he screamed on the inside. We were meant to be together!

"Fucking pay attention to me, dammit!" he yelled, squeezing your throat a little tighter. You begin to panic. You try to kick him but your legs are restrained by his stronger ones. You just wanted to be somewhere far away. You left him for a reason, but he just dragged you back to your old apartment against your will.

And Kageyama couldn't help the fact that his dick hardened against your luscious thighs at the sight of your struggle.

Then he kisses you. Hard and heavy. The grip on your throat was weakened enough to let you gasp silently for air. Both of your lips forcefully molded together because of how he held onto you. No matter how much you don't want to kiss him, you have no choice. He finally lets go of your throat, only to grip harshly onto your thighs. You pull away from the kiss to inhale a deep breath that you desperately needed. You sniffled away your snot as you began to cry.

"Why the hell did you even bring me here?" you blubbered through your tears.

“Because we’re not finished! You weren’t supposed to fucking leave me,” he growled through clenched teeth. Kageyama looked down at your crying face in disdain, but also with a new fire igniting behind his eyes as well as in his groin. He hated seeing you cry, but he also loved seeing you like this. The battle in his head of whether or not he should comfort you is fully overtaken by the fact that he was so upset because of you leaving him.

He ignores your cries as he lifts up the ends of the oversized shirt you wore with one of his hands. He smiled a little at your usual pajamas; a big shirt and cotton panties. Just like how you used to sleep with him.

You shift uncomfortably at the small smile on his face. “There’s nothing to finish. We’re over with. You need to understand that!”

"You've been ignoring me," he mutters, “How can I understand if you won’t even reply to any of my messages or calls?” You felt so exposed and vulnerable. Whatever he wanted to do, he could do it to you.

“You already know why I left." Your voice was so hoarse. "I have a reason for everything." He grabbed onto your throat again with one hand while the other hand sneaked below your vision to remove your panties, exposing your cunt to the cold air of the room. The shiver that moves throughout you makes your face hot with embarrassment.

"Don't you know how much I love you?" His question almost distracts you from the way his two fingers suddenly started dancing on your clit dangerously.

"Do you even care at all? I haven't stopped thinking about you ever since you left me here alone," he says with a quiver in his tone. It hurt entering the apartment to find your things missing and having to sleep alone that first night.

He rubbed over your slit, hoping to elicit a physical reaction out of you. He missed how soft your skin felt beneath him. Especially how you shook beneath him just from his small touches. He dips his fingers into your entrance. Although you weren't as wet as he wanted, he didn't hesitate to push them further into you.

"Kageyama," you gasped in horror. You cringed when he started to move his fingers in and out of you. You were angry, scared, upset, and unbelievably uncomfortable, but you didn't have the strength to stop him from assaulting your insides when your hands were stuck behind your back. You cried again, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

He kisses you again. "It's okay, baby," he whispers against your lips, "It'll feel good. I promise."

"I don't want to."

"You don't know that." His fingers move in a way that makes your whole body crumble beneath him. He always knew how to please you. Your hips begin to wiggle and you hate how much it starts to feel good. You let out a moan that makes him smile. It makes you feel guilty for even seeming like you enjoy his palm crashing down on your clit carelessly and his fingers filling you up roughly when he's just forcing your body to react. "You don't know what you want. If you're not with me, then who will take care of you like I do?"

"I-I..." you stutter. Was he right? Who was going to take care of you? It has even been a struggle since you left him, but no. It was always suffocating being with him. Even feeling his long fingers inside you wasn't enough to distract you.

He removes his hand from your throat just to pull his own pants down. His hard length springs out and hits your thigh. "You're so wet already, too," he hums in satisfaction, "I'm here, baby. It's okay. Me and you are forever." You writhe from beneath him, feeling as if you were about to explode. You desperately try to escape his fingers by jerking away, but he catches you every single time.

As if to piss you off even further, he says, "I'm not mad at you. It's okay now." As if you were the problem in the first place.

"No," you spit at him, "You're being fucking crazy. It's not my fault." It was impossible to see him clearly through your tears. He positions his cock behind his fingers that were inside you. His gaze was so sharp as he stared down at you. He loves you yet you couldn't understand how he only expressed his love this way. 

He removes his fingers and places himself at your entrance. The view of your tear-stained cheeks and trembling thighs were so beautiful to him. He moves your legs up against your chest so he can see more of you.

"Let me go!" you scream. Something connects with your cheek. Then your head whips to the side and your head starts pounding. One side of your face swiftly becomes hot with pain. The sharp smacking noise echoes around the room from how hard Kageyama slapped you.

"Shhh, if you struggle then it'll hurt more. I'm trying to show you how much I love you."

And before you know it, he's filling up your cunt with his thick cock in one swift thrust. Another scream erupts from your bruised throat as he begins to thrust into you harshly. He grabs the sides of your face so you're forced to lock eyes with him. You feel him slide in and out of you, leaving a burning feeling in your walls. Gasps are forced out of your mouth from the force of his thrusts.

You wish you were somewhere else. Or someone else. Just not in this situation where Kageyama would be in full control of what could happen to you.

But you were so warm and your insides were so pink that he couldn't stop himself anymore. So pretty, he thought. How could he allow anyone else to handle you like this? Of course, you looked the best when you were only underneath him.

Kageyama's face is contorted in absolute pleasure. He's always wanted full control of you ever since he first met you. Seeing you with your pussy unwillingly spread open from his hard cock and your legs pressed against your chest so deliciously makes him feel so powerful. This is how it should always be. There's no way you'll leave him now. Not when he's splitting you open raw.

"Baby, you're okay," he cooed in a gentle voice, although it's useless to even attempt to comfort you. "You like it, don't you?"

Nothing left your lips except for gasps and throaty moans. The way he spoke to you made your chest hurt, but it was also leaving a burning feeling in your lower abdomen that messed with your head. You couldn't believe yourself. Why does it feel so good? Why is the one man that you hate the most fucking you in the most appetizing way? He lets go of your face to hold onto the bottoms of your thighs.

"Answer me," he demands. You began to cry out from the pain and pleasure of his forceful fucking. He's doing this because he loves you? Because he's the only one you'll ever need? He presses his forehead against yours.

"You love it when I fuck you like this, right?" he whispers gently against your lips. For a second, your focus entirely shifts to the feeling of him filling you up so roughly.

You were confused, but you couldn't stop your hips from trying so desperately to meet his with every thrust he made into your wet core.

"Kageyama," you tried to plead. You couldn't stop yourself from moaning out his name in bliss as he continued to move against you. It was impossible to stop the pleasure from building up inside of your core. You weren't even sure if you wanted him to stop anymore. That's what hurt you even more. Do you even know yourself?

"Tell me." He begins to rub your clit in desperate circles, making you arch your back in response. You feel your eyes roll to the back of your head as the pleasure engulfs you. In the back of your mind, you're screaming no. The man you were trying to escape is making you feel good. He was making you feel dirty. So fucking dirty. 

But you didn't even realize that you weren't crying from the pain anymore. You even ignored the soreness in your wrists from the zip ties. You were a moaning mess beneath Kageyama's athletic build. He grinned as your body responded wildly to him. It felt like he was claiming you as his again.

It was rewarding seeing you beneath him again.

"Mine," he hissed in pleasure, "You're all mine." He was in a euphoric state from the thought of you even being in the same room as him and responding to him. But the fact that he was actually forcing his hard length into your aching wetness right now was the best feeling in the fucking world.

"I missed you so much, (Y/N)." The tightening of your slick cunt around him made him groan.

You were disgusted with yourself. "Please don't stop," you gasp. Kageyama continued to drill into you in happiness. He knows you love how he's abusing your cunt and disrespecting you, but he was also thinking about how he could love you so much more after he made you his again. It makes him even more excited.

He suddenly started thrusting into you harder, the impact of his hips jerking you away from him briefly only to bring you back to him just as quick. A scream erupted from your throat as you went cross-eyed from how Kageyama was beating your pussy raw. He leans down towards you once more.

"Don’t ignore me ever again. Tell me you'll stay with me. Tell me you still love me," he whispers with an evil smile.

I don't love you anymore is what you wish you could say, but with your head clouded with guilty pleasure and your legs shaking from how good it feels when he's tearing you apart from your cunt, the only words you could manage to breathe from between swollen lips were "I still love you."

Kageyama couldn't have been happier.

[longeyelashedtragedy]

šejan & uhhhh serard & old gay 1/2 lolol

OH BOY WELL

šejan is one of the most ships ever and also somehow reminds me of xhakarteta in some weird visceral way that i can't totally articulate yet. šejan is just so good and it breaks my heart that they don't do lajvs anymore? š and deki are so different yet when they're together they are in sync, vibing, finishing each other's šentences and laughing unstoppably in a way that must feel so unreal for them. seeing such pure HAPPINESS and comfort is truly wild. i feel like a lot of adults stop feeling that way. i love how their looks are so different, and š is mysterious while dej is such an open, messy book, and yet š seems to be the one with the confidence i would say, while dej reminds me of myself with such a weird mix of self-assuredness and being lost and always seeking someone, something. oops getting into mare liberum territory Anyway šejan is and will always be one of the best! people wish their ships were this ship!

omg serard! ok well FIRST of all this is unrelated to serard itself but i'm pist at sergio bc i was just finally seeing why he was hot bc he'd grown his hair long, and he just cut it. JAIL. ANYWAY, uh, i mean serard is just SO much fun, god, it never has to get to dramatic and weepy (at least not if you're me anyway), and it's just two macho sports bro assholes bantering yet somehow also having feelings they'd never fully be able to admit or act on. that 'enemies and lovers at once' trope is just so fucking good. Also, PK is my favorite football POV so there's that. now, the concept of trashy sergio being really offended by PK and taking shakira's side is fun to explore as well. (i also feel like there are aspects of their relationship that would be very interesting to write more about--them representing two very different parts of the country, and all that this means--but we don't want to get into "J squared visits the cambodian killing fields" vibes on ao3 lol). idk serard is a blast to write. i do hope i can continue to write it, especially since big fuckup cheater PK is somehow even more fun to write about than regular PK.

old gay 1/2: uh my heart breaks for them that now they live on totally different CONTINENTS!!!!!! (i forget if i told you, suarez signed for a team back home in uruguay) always will be my fav messi ship in my heart sorry guys. they were just so fucking old and gay and bitchy and cliquey at barça and it was so satisfying.

[ri-ahhh]

can u just give me mushy gushy shit with grayson like ethan has a girl over so the two of you decide to go out for a burger date and a walk at night? idk something like that pls 👉🏻👈🏻

A/N: I couldn’t even tell you how long this has been sitting in my drafts but I was looking through trying to find something to finish bc I was in the mood to write but not from scratch and found this lol. It was about halfway done and I have no idea where I was going with it but this is what it turned into as of today. Idek if there’s even anyone around here anymore to read this but whatever haha here it is.

You don’t usually mind being single. Even when your best friend/roommate Stella started seeing her boyfriend Charlie seriously, it didn’t give you any longing for a relationship of your own.

But there are some nights where you feel down and you just can’t handle it. The scenes of casual intimacy as soon as you get home and see them together — the vase of flowers on the kitchen island he must have brought over; the playful bickering across the room.

The incessant, unrelenting sound of a marathon session going on through the shared wall of your and Stella’s bedrooms.

You groan and turn the volume up on your AirPods, going straight to your messages next.

Wyd?

{G} 👀

Don’t be weird.

Pretty sure Stella and Charlie are trying to put a hole in the wall w her headboard and I can’t take it anymore.

Your roommate chooses that moment to let out a particularly enthusiastic “fuck!” If she weren’t your best friend, you might have given in to the urge to bang on the wall, but your phone lights up with Grayson’s reply anyway.

{G} E too.

{G} I mean like I can’t hear him but ik what’s going down in there

{G} I’d offer to pick u up but sounds like u need to get outta there lol. Meet me here?

You like the message and slip on some shoes, making sure to slam your bedroom door closed on your way out, as if it would make them pause even one thrust.

In the year that you’ve known him, Grayson Dolan has become one of your closest friends. The kind where you met as acquaintances, never talked much, but then you reconnected randomly and the conversation never stopped from there on. You talk about anything and everything, but recently you’ve bonded even more about being a perpetual third wheel. You knew he’d understand and not pass judgement on you in times like this, so it had been a no-brainer to text him as an escape from tonight.

He buzzes you into the gate when you get to his house, and he tells you over another text to go ahead and hop in the Porsche before he even gets outside. It makes you smile; night drives are your favorite, and while the Tesla is a vibe in its own right, there’s just something calming about someone (your attractive friend, no less) tangibly driving you around. It’s exactly what you need right now, no matter what destination he has in mind.

When he slides into the driver’s side not even a minute later, you’re almost overwhelmed by him. Looking far too good in your eyes for how casual he’s dressed in a well-fitting T-shirt and some grey sweats. Hair slightly damp from a recent shower.

He greets you with a grin and leans over the console to kiss your cheek, and you can smell the combination of his shampoo and a bit of cologne. You always appreciated that he doesn’t overdo the fragrance, and if possible it makes him even more intoxicating at times.

“Hey,” he says simply, sitting back in his seat and fastening the seatbelt.

“Hey.” You smile and watch him with a silent but fairly obvious appreciation as he reaches a hand to rest on the back of your seat, twisting the bit he needs to look out the back windshield. The Porsche has a backup camera, obviously, but he’s a cautious driver to a fault and insists he doesn’t fully trust them.

Grayson gets the car facing enough of the right direction to throw it in drive and exit down the long driveway. You shake your head and settle back, kicking off your shoes with a sigh and tucking your feet onto the seat beneath you.

“One day, we’ll be the ones making them leave the house,” he jokes, stopping for the gate to open.

You know it’s implied that he’s referring to the two of you with separate people, but you can’t help but consider the option that the two of you could make that happen together.

“I know for a fact you have a booty call list a mile long, Dolan,” you say with a raised brow. Despite the fleeting thought, keeping things lighthearted and platonic is much easier to deal with in reality. “You could have called one of them and done just that.”

He scoffs and pretends like you’ve just hurt him deeply, slapping a hand to his burly chest to clutch at his heart. “Excuse me, it is not a mile long.” He glances over at you with a held-back smirk. “A couple hundred yards, tops.”

You throw your head back with a loud cackle, looking out the window now as he turns onto the main road. “You’re incorrigible.”

“Damn, that’s a big word.” He likes to tease you about your extended vocabulary.

“Hopeless,” you elaborate, crossing your arms and rolling your eyes.

“Is that what that word means, or are you making fun of my high school dropout vocab?”

“Both.”

You let your head roll back against the headrest, turning to watch him, knees swayed to the side a bit. His form isn’t hidden in the dark at all, features lit up by the dash in front of him and the streetlights you’re passing by outside.

“Why didn’t you, then? Call one of them?”

Grayson shrugs. “Just didn’t really feel like spending time with people tonight.”

You’re silent for a moment and consider his answer. “Why did you agree to hang out, then? You didn’t have to.”

His eyes never leave the road, but you see the veins in his hand gripping the steering wheel bulge out for a moment as he squeezes it tightly.

“I guess I meant I didn’t want to spend time with people I don’t really care about.”

Your heart skips a beat, but you play it off with a sarcastic tone. “Aw, you care about me?”

“Of course I do,” he replies easily. “I’m not sure why, though. You’re so fuckin sassy sometimes.”

“You love it.”

The car rolls to a stop at a red light. Grayson’s hand slides from where it’s lightly gripping the gear shift, to yours, which is picking at a loose string on your leggings.

Your easy smile at the comfortable banter between you and Grayson falters some in surprise, but you let him turn your palm over and trace the lines of your hand softly. Both of your gazes are fixated on the way he tickles your skin when he says, “Yeah. I do.”

Your eyes shoot up, just in time to meet his. He looks at you with a weird mixture heat and vulnerability, and there’s a thick moment of silence, no longer than the single beat of your heart that you can hear thudding loud and clear in your ears, when suddenly the car behind you lays on the horn.

Both of you startle, and Grayson’s attention returns to the road ahead. He steps on the gas and takes his hand away, carding it through his hair roughly as you sink back into your seat with a disbelieving scoff.

“Oh my God, dude, you can’t just do that to me,” you blurt out, your heart in your stomach and your brain even lower. A helpless giggle escapes you, and you tug on your own locks. “Shit...”

“What?” he asks defensively, but you hear the tiny bit of the grin he’s wearing in his voice.

You turn your head to deadpan him, eyes wide. “You can’t just... imply something like that and give me sex eyes and not think you did something to me! Are you crazy?”

He gives a one-shouldered shrug with the arm resting on top of the steering wheel again. “Maybe. You’re proving my ‘sassy’ point all over again.”

“Oh my — don’t fuck with my head, Gray.”

“Hey.” His voice is deeper, more serious as the car comes to another stop. You’re only just now realizing you’ve reached the burger joint, and that the late hour made finding parking a nonexistent problem. He puts the car in park and unbuckles his seatbelt before doing the same to yours. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to fuck with your head, I promise. I just... didn’t want it to seem like I was coming on too strong too suddenly. I, uh, have a history of doing that.”

You stare at him, processing everything. “I know.”

He chuckles dryly. “Yeah, I know you do.”

There’s more silence. That heavy kind that happened right after his little impromptu confession.

“You know,” you finally speak up, finding your voice after mulling over your words, “I kinda love that you’re a douche.”

He looks a little taken aback, until understanding dawns on him, and his eyes light up in a way that has you smiling instantly with him. “Really?”

You nod. “Call me crazy.”

Grayson shifts closer in his seat, his pink tongue darting out to lick those plump lips. You mirror him, and this time you take the initiative to reach out for his hand. It’s warm and strong, just like the rest of him.

Like earlier, you watch your hands lightly caressing each other as you speak. “And I love that you come on strong. And that you put your heart out there.” You interlace your fingers, immediately in love with the contrast of his huge ones between your slim ones. “Makes things way easier for me.”

He grins wide. “There’s that sass again.”

You bite your lip through your smirk and tug him close to you with your clasped hands, your free one reaching behind his neck to drag his lips to yours. “Mm. Better shut me up, then.”

[smerzbeliever]

Okay lets get into this guys. Bc im struggling in a relationship. We both do love each other but have some major differences. At what point is it not acceptable anymore to be with the other person? Also what do yall mean when u say u cant chose who you love

ok if i'm being fully honest that other anon was a little bit on one and i didn't fully grasp what was going on but i liked the vibe. and idk ive only ever been in one relationship and am still in it 6 years later so i don't think i'm in a position to like make blanket statements abt relationships in general but first i think differences are good because variety is the spice of life. and i think it's normal to like. get mad and sometimes feel general resentment towards your partner because that's inevitable in any long term human relationship romantic or not like with parents friends whatever sometimes you feel hatred because emotions are unpredictable and not always logical.. but i would venture that one big difference is frequency of actual fighting and like how much it has an emotional toll on you. like my bf and i rarely if ever get into Fight Mode like we have tiffs and then resolve them or move on from them after we cool down and like neither of us are ever blatantly disrespectful of the other, whatever the argument is about it stays about that and doesn't broaden at least not out loud. like the other day without asking i opened a bottle of wine that he found at work and brought home bc to me it's just another bottle of wine and he doesn't even really like wine but he got miffed because the seal on that specific bottle felt special to him and he wanted to open it and in that moment in my head i was like omg what a baby but then i just stopped caring the next day because ultimately it's minor and ppl have a right to be different and assign value to different things. i think if overall the relationship has a net positive on your quality of life and the health of your soul then by all means stay in it because relationships are gonna be hard. but im curious what the "differences" are that you're describing. bc like in my case i respect and admire my bf on a foundational level like his values and his outlook etc and i don't think i would still be with him if there were huge ideological differences like if he were a libertarian or something or if he were a combative aggressive type we never would have even dated. our differences tend to be like, he's more of a homebody, he's more risk averse while im more sensation seeking, he doesn't like to have the ac on and i do, i'm more messy and he's more tidy, little things that ultimately don't cause huge clashes but sometimes can be frustrating and kind of inflate themselves in the moment to the point where i'm like omg i wanna smash you with hammers but then it passes. but we both value harmony and kindness and like don't go out of our way to pick fights and that restraint has done a lot for us i think. so i would say as an uneducated nobody that the point of no return is when you lose the fundamental mutual respect and admiration or find that your values or lifestyles have irreconcilable differences that cause you actual misery. like if you're getting into fights where actual mean personal attacks are getting thrown around i don't think that's acceptable anymore because if you truly respect someone and don't want to cause them harm you bite your tongue. i'm also not trying to brag about my relationship i hope that's not how this comes off i'm just speaking from the only experience i have lol. anyway i know that was kind of all over the place idk if it was helpful at all but whatever happens i hope things improve ❤️