#anyways was supposed to work out tonight but now that it's almost 10 i think that ship has sailed ����

[ellcrys]

got a referral for a real estate agent, booked an appt with my bank to talk mortgages and i finally fucking booked a consultation for laser hair removal bc i'm tired of shaving i am tearing through my 2023 to do list and i feel good 😎

[coquitokisses]

Back Together | Bucky Barnes

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader, (husband!Bucky Barnes x wife!reader, dad!Bucky Barnes x mom!reader)

Word count: 2.4k

Warnings/Tags: Bucky being dad and hubby material, fluff, angst maybe?

Summary: Bucky and reader are married and have two girls, but because of Bucky’s work, reader decides to “break up” and have been separated for a few months. (Let’s say that this “job” was when the whole thing with John Walker happened in TFATWS, idfk lol)

A/N: so I’m currently writing a fanfic (on wattpad) and I had this idea, but I’m not there on the fanfic just yet lol so I decided to just post it here (also, my first language isn’t english so if there are any errors or mistakes, I’m sorry lmao)

The girls are like 4 and 5 years old and those aren’t the names I have planned on using for the fanfic, but it’ll do for now.. and Steve is alive and well lol (he doesn’t make an appearance, but I do mention him, like I said, this idea came as I was writing a fanfic so what I did was try and edit it a little bit so yall don’t need context and shit lol just enjoy okay?)

A/N #2: this is my first time doing this so just bare with me please lmao

It’s almost 10 pm which means Bucky must be on his way to bring the girls back after having them for the weekend. You were away in Seattle the whole weekend for work, but anyways it was Bucky’s turn to stay with the kids. They were supposed to stay with Wanda tonight, but since you arrived earlier than anticipated, you told her that Bucky was gonna bring them over.

You’re not on the best terms. Actually, you’re broken up at the moment and have been like that for like three months now. It all started because of Bucky’s “job”. You always said that he wasn’t being careful with the things he did and you didn’t like the constant worrying about him every time he went out to do his things. He didn’t really see it that way which made you get into a really bad fight and you decided to break up because he wasn’t putting his safety, or his family, as a priority and you didn’t like that.

Which was kinda true. So you’re currently not living together. Bucky has been staying with Steve, or with Sam whenever he comes to New York. The girls usually stay with you and then Bucky takes them on the weekends, but whenever you can’t take them to school (or get them on time) or something on week days, then Bucky takes them without a problem.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to pick them up for you?” Wanda asked while on FaceTime with you

“It’s alright, red, don’t worry.” You replied “Besides, Bucky’s probably on his way anyway.”

“Still haven’t talked?”

“Well we talk, just not about us.” You said walking out of the kitchen

“And are you guys still, like, mad or..?”

“I don’t know.” You let out a sigh

“Steve told you he got out.”

“I know.”

“So?”

“I just.. I don’t know, I haven’t talked to him about it.”

“Well I think you need to.” She said “Just have a little chat and see where things are at.. you guys still love each other.”

And you did. Of course you did. And the girls want you to get back together too. But you just haven’t talked about it again.

“I don’t know, I’ll think about it.” You replied and just as you said that, you saw the car lights through the window “He’s here, I gotta go.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

“I will, love you.”

“Love you more.”

You hung up the call and left the phone on the couch before heading to the door. You opened it and saw Bucky walking over to the house holding Olivia, your youngest, in his arms and Eloise was walking right next to him. And the three of them just looked tired as hell.

“Hi mommy.” Eloise ran over to you

“Hi, pretty girl.” You immediately hugged her

“Say hi to mama, Liv.” Bucky said as he got closer

“Hi mama.” Olivia opened her arms wanting you to pick her up so you did

“Hi, my angel.” You kissed her cheek

“Sorry to bring them so late, we just got out of the cinema.” Bucky said

“Buck, it’s fine, they don’t even go to school yet.” You told him “Did you guys have fun?” You asked the girls

“So much fun!” Eloise replied excitedly “We also went to the trampoline park earlier.”

“Oh well that explains why someone’s a little more tired than others.” You looked at Olivia and she rested her head on your shoulder

“Mommy, can daddy tuck us in tonight, please?” Eloise asked

“Baby, I’m sure mommy had a really long and tired flight and she just wants to sleep.” Bucky told her

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” You said “Daddy will tuck you in, sweetheart.” You tucked a few strands of Eloise’s hair behind her ear

“Daddy, come on.” She grabbed Bucky’s hand

You all went inside and you gave the girls a quick shower before Bucky helped them get in their pjs.

“Mommy, are we staying with auntie Wanda tomorrow?” Eloise asked as she got on her bed

“Yes, baby, I need to go to work.” You replied

“Can’t we stay with daddy?”

“Daddy works too, honey.” You moved her hair out of her face “I thought you liked staying with auntie Wanda.”

“We do, but we wanted to stay with daddy again.” Olivia spoke

“Well I can pick you up at auntie Wanda’s house when I get out of work, how does that sound?” Bucky told them

“And we can get dippin dots too?” Olivia looked at him with puppy eyes

“We can get whatever you girls want.” He said squishing her cheeks making her giggle

You couldn’t help but smile a little. You loved watching Bucky with the girls, he really is an amazing father and they love him like crazy.

“Alright it’s getting super late, time to sleep.” You said to them

“But mom!” Eloise pouted

“No buts, listen to your mom.” Bucky said “Come on, get in bed both of you.”

Each of the girls got in their beds and Bucky went and tucked them both. They have their own separate rooms, but they’re pretty close and they’ve always wanted to sleep in the same room so when the time came and you bought Olivia her big girl bed, Bucky just placed it in Eloise’s room. Anyways, when the time comes when they get to the point where they don’t even want to look at each other, you’ll probably make Bucky move Olivia’s bed back to her room and problem solved. But for now, they absolutely love being in the same room.

“I love you.” Bucky kissed Olivia’s forehead “And I love you.” He then kissed Eloise’s “So so much.”

“We love you too, daddy.” They said

“Now get some sleep because auntie Wanda is coming early tomorrow to pick you up before I leave.” You leaned down to kiss each of them on their heads “I love you both so insanely much.”

“Love you too, mommy.”

“Now go to sleep or I’ll call the slender man.” Bucky said as he turned off the light

He quickly closed the door once you got out of the room and the girls let out a scream that made you both laugh.

“You’re evil.” You chuckled “Creating them traumas so young.”

“It gives them strength.”

You rolled your eyes laughing. “Of course.”

You both went downstairs and then Bucky went back to the car to bring back Olivia’s shoes and a few toys that the girls left in the car. While you put them on the dining table, Bucky was just telling you what they did and how the girls were on the weekend.

“Liv didn’t even asked for my help to wipe her after using the bathroom.”

“No?!” You looked at him kinda shocked

Potty training Eloise was way easier than training Olivia. First she was afraid of the toilet being flushed, then she was afraid that something would come out and bite her, then she didn’t want to stay alone while using the toilet. It’s been a rollercoaster for all of you.

“No, she did it all by herself.”

“Oh my god, really? I’m gonna cry.” You said with a hand on your chest

“She said she’s a big girl and big girls don’t need any help to go potty.”

“She is a big girl.” You said “Fuck, they’re both getting so big.”

“They are.” He nodded “How was Seattle?”

“Fucking amazing.” You said excited “It’s so pretty.”

“And how did it went? Are they planning on transferring you?”

“Hell no, I told Nick I’m not leaving New York.” You replied “If we were still living in the compound, then this would’ve been a whole different conversation, but we’re not and we have kids now so no, I’m not leaving even if they pay me more.”

“Well if they are paying you more then..” he raised his eyebrows

You laughed. “You know what I mean, idiot.” You rolled your eyes “But no, I’m not being transferred.”

“Then why did you go?”

“Nick said that they needed someone like me for some training.” You answered “It was great, I got to teach a few people about self defense, how exciting.”

“I’m glad.” He said with a small smile

He was genuinely happy for you. He knew how much you’ve missed working like that. Being an agent, a spy, you missed it. But at the same time, it wasn’t really in your plans anymore ever since you got pregnant with Eloise. It happened during the blip as well so you weren’t exactly working as an agent or spy anymore so you just decided to leave it behind for good. Until recently.

“You know, if it’s really what you want, then go for it.” He told you “The girls aren’t stopping you and neither am I.”

“I know, but it’s just that I feel like I’m on a different stage in life now.” You said “It felt fucking amazing, don’t get me wrong.”

“Then do it, talk with Nick and tell him to put you out there, that’s what you want.”

“I don’t know.” You let out a sigh

“We’re not going anywhere, you know that, right?” He said and you looked at him “And how cool would it be for the girls to say that their mommy is a spy?”

You laughed. “They will brag about it for sure.”

“And the best part is that you’re great at it and always have been.”

“I don’t know, I’ll think about it.” You shrugged looking at the time on the stove “It’s getting very late.” You looked at him

“Ouch okay, I’m leaving.”

“Oh my god.” You rolled your eyes

“Are we gonna keep this up?” He looked at you

“What?”

“This nonsense.” He motioned his hand between the two of you

“This nonsense?” You arched an eyebrow “Do I need to remind you whose fault is it that we’re on this position right now?”

“It could’ve gone so much better, but little miss I’m extremely petty over here, doesn’t like to listen to people and doesn’t care about anything other than her opinion.” He said

“Oh don’t make me mad, James.” You crossed your arms

“It’s the truth and you know it.”

“I think you can go now.” You said turning around and starting to walk away

“See what I mean?” You heard him say from behind “Can’t we just talk about it like normal people?” He asked following you

“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about.” You said turning around to look at him

“Well I think it is.”

“Bucky..”

“Y/N, come on.” He sighed “It’s been three months, are you gonna keep pushing me away?”

And he’s right, you’ve been kinda pushing him away. To be honest, the whole thing could’ve been avoided if Bucky and you came to an agreement, but you never did. You were upset that he was going away with Sam to do all these things that you weren’t okay with and you were thinking about the kids, which, at the moment, he wasn’t doing and that pissed you off. That was the whole thing. He didn’t want to empathize with the way you were viewing the whole situation and he was kinda making you look crazy. Saying things like “it’s not a big deal” or “everything will be alright, you don’t need to freak out”.

How does he expect you to not freak out when he doesn’t care about doing all this dangerous things? Was he insane?

In other circumstances, if you didn’t have kids for example, maybe you would’ve been a little bit more okay with it, maybe. But it’s a whole different scenario now.

And you were kinda pushing him away, sort of. But it wasn’t intentional, it’s just that you were kinda petty and there were times where he wanted to kinda fix things, but you wouldn’t let him because you would find a way to push him away unconsciously.

“You made me feel like I was exaggerating when I clearly wasn’t.” You said

“Because at the moment I did feel that way and I didn’t want to view the situation the way you were.” He explained “And I know I was wrong for that and I’m sorry.”

You let out a sigh. “You still went.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I should’ve stayed here with you, I regretted it the moment I left with Sam.” He said “And I came back as soon as I could.”

“And you stayed with Steve.” You rolled your eyes

“Baby, you wanted to kill me, do you really think I was just gonna come and ask you to take me back after that shit? Like you were just gonna accept me.”

“… Well, you’re kinda right.”

“I know, Steve told me you were pissed and that you wanted to punch me.”

“I did tell him that.” You nodded

“I’m sorry, I really am.”

“It’s fine, just forget it, I’m sick of the topic anyway.” You replied leaning on the back of the couch

“But are we fine?” He asked

“I don’t know, are we?”

“Well I’d say we are, kinda.” He got closer to you “You want me to do anything?”

“You could start by fixing the damn back door.”

“Again? But I just fixed it a few months ago.”

“Well I think you did it wrong because the doorknob is broken again.”

“I need to change that fucking door already.” He rolled his eyes “Anything else? Are you still mad at me?”

“A little.” You replied

“Just a little?” He moved his hands to your hips “I can help you change your mind.”

“Easy there, soldier.”

“Easy my ass, come here.”

Before you could even protest, his real hand grabbed your neck and he pulled you in for a kiss that screamed need. You really missed his kisses and just the way he would always give you a peck, whenever and wherever, whatever you were doing, he didn’t give a single care in the world. This man could see you sitting on the toilet and he still would go and give you a quick kiss.

“God, I’ve missed you.” He whispered on your lips “I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

“I did too.”

“Can we please never fight again?” He gently put his forehead against yours

“As long as you don’t piss me the fuck off doing some stupid shit like that again, we’re good.”

“Good.” He nodded before kissing you again

“And I swear to god..” you started saying between kisses “If I see you again that close to John Walker, I’m gonna kill you.”

“I know.” He said lowering his hands to the back of your thighs and picking you up

masterlist

a/n: should I post the fanfic here? What do we think? Lol (I’ve been thinking about it A LOT lately)

**UPDATE! I ended up uploading the fanfic and here is the masterlist for it lol

Anywaysss, hope you liked this! <3

(Likes and reblogs will be appreciated)

[missmonsters2]

Mirror, Mirror | One

Please do not copy, repost, or translate my work anywhere else.

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: The thought of something more had never really crossed Wanda's mind when it came to you. Best friends for 10 years and there hasn't even been one instance of accidental sexual tension. You're her best friend, that's all—until someone points out that you obviously have a very specific type when it comes to dating.

Warnings: best friends to lovers. shenanigans. jealousy, jealousy. sexual tension. pining. yearning. sexual thoughts. spicy (tumblr's version). stupid steve. neurotic nat. brat & stinky. bug as in shutterbug.

*explicit version will only be available on Ao3 & will be posted there after series is completed*

Note: i'm back!!! Nothing like coming back and posting a mini series. Enjoy this superior trope. Updates will be on Tuesdays! As you can see, we're trying something new with explicit content lol 😬

Reminder there's no taglist but you can follow my library blog for notifications 💘

Series Masterlist || Library Blog || AO3

Count: ~4.1k

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

It's strange how sometimes a single sentence can change someone's entire life. 

Wanda's thought about what sentences could change her life—usually, they're morbid and depressing.

'You have cancer.'

'Someone you love has died horrifically in an accident.'

'Your cat actually finds living with you miserable and would prefer the dangers of living in the streets.'

Never in a million years would Wanda ever think it'd be, 'Hey, have you ever noticed how your best friend exclusively only dates girls who look like you?'

And don't get Wanda wrong. It wasn't a morbid or depressing change; it was just...a change. An irrevocable change because now, Wanda couldn't stop thinking about it or noticing it. 

This was all Steve's fault. 

Because if someone like Stupid Steve could notice something like that, it had to mean something, right? But as Wanda remembers about the past girls you've hooked up with and brought around, she doesn't know what to make of it.

A part of Wanda wishes she had never talked to Steve that night at the bar. 

"Where's Vis?" Steve asked, looking around.

"With Tony playing pool, I think," Wanda shrugged. She doesn't particularly keep track of where her on-and-off boyfriend goes. She thinks they might be on an off-period right now, anyway. 

"And where's—oh, nevermind, there she is," Steve started to say but cut off when they both saw you across the bar talking with the bartender, flirting over drinks—which were probably free if Wanda could guess. 

Wanda's slightly annoyed because it's been a long week without seeing you, and Wanda's been used to seeing you almost every day for the past several years of her life. But you've been gone on a work trip this week for a wedding shoot and only came home just a little after lunch and needed an immediate long nap before tonight's get-together. 

That meant Wanda was sorely missing out on best-friend time, and now you were off flirting shamelessly with the hot bartender. Wanda's rooting for you, make no mistake. The bartender is definitely easy on the eyes, luscious hair, and lips—something Wanda knows you're weak for. 

Plus, Wanda's worried you're not anywhere near getting close to settling down. She wants you to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship. But she supposes she's in no position to talk herself. 

Wanda loves Vision without a doubt, but their relationship is definitely chaotic, and Vision keeps pushing for something more serious now that they've been dating (sporadically) for a long time. She's been considering it in her downtime and thinks it might make sense as the next step.

Best friends do everything together, right? So, maybe if Wanda decided to take the next step in a serious relationship, you'd find someone to commit to seriously as well. 

Then, both of you could get married at the same time. Then, they could buy a house in the same neighborhood right next to each other. There'd be endless double dates and vacations together. Wanda wouldn't have to miss you.

But first, Wanda needed to regain lost best-friend time, one-on-one style.  

"Hey, you know what I just noticed?" Steve said, breaking Wanda's drifting thoughts. 

"What?"

"Bug—" 

Wanda makes a face at your nickname. Granted, it was Wanda's fault you ended up with it back in your first year of university. You never let her forget it, especially now that you're a professional photographer.

"—over there has a very specific type she goes after for girls," Steve mused, sipping his whiskey before continuing. "I mean, they always have green eyes and brunette—wait, that's not true. She had two red-headed girlfriends in our last year of university. They still had green eyes, though." 

"Oh," Wanda said, unsure what to say since she's never paid attention to the girls you were dating. On average, they were a brief fling, and only a few lasted longer than half a year. "I guess so?"

Wanda distantly thinks about how she dyed her hair auburn in her last year of university because she was looking for a change that year and Natasha was insistent that she'd look amazing. Wanda recalls you were a fan of the look.

"Yeah," Steve nodded along. "Ironically, they always look like you in some way. Check out that bartender now—long, wavy-haired brunette with green eyes. She's got thick, long lips and even does that dark eye-shadow makeup thingy like you."

Steve just laughed it off, finishing his drink, thinking nothing more of it before he started talking about Bucky.

But it was like something clicked into place in Wanda's brain. A daunting realization that she was wholly unprepared for and not equipped to do anything about. 

Wanda watched as the bartender clocked off for the night and dragged you into a corner booth, drinks in hand. It gave Wanda the perfect view that the bartender wore many rings just like she did. 

In the poor privacy of the dimly lit corner booth, there was a staunch and needy kiss from the two of you, and Wanda swallowed roughly. 

From here, if you were none the wiser, Wanda could be easily mistaken for the girl in the booth with you. 

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷ 

Sometimes, Wanda believes she's just being absolutely ridiculous. So what if you go after girls who share the same features as her? That didn't have to mean anything. You've always told Wanda she was beautiful, and it was perfect how you said it. 

It didn't feel insincere or creepy. It felt good to know her best friend thought she was absolutely gorgeous. But just because you thought she was beautiful doesn't mean you harbored secret feelings for her. 

You'd be insulted if you knew Wanda had ever thought that. She'd just be another one of those girls Wanda's seen you humble on multiple occasions when they found out you dated women, and they were worried you might have a crush on them. 

But then, Wanda couldn't stop thinking she actually might be one of those girls because then she'd think about if you didn't consider her like that, it wasn't about her looks but something about her personality that wasn't your type. 

And what could that be?

Wanda thought long and hard, trying to remember the girls you've introduced her to. 

Sometimes they were funny, and Wanda was funny. She made you laugh all the time. She specifically remembered one time in high school when she made you laugh so hard you peed your pants just a little. 

Sometimes they were intellectual, and while Wanda didn't have an IQ of 160, she did fairly well academically and was on the right track in her career. 

Sometimes they were charming, and Wanda was the type where she got more charming the more you got to know her. 

So, Wanda just doesn't understand. She's nowhere further with her thinking ever since this weird information has been bestowed upon her.

Maybe it all just means nothing. You just didn't feel that way about Wanda despite the type of girls you dated suggesting otherwise. You didn't need a reason for it, and maybe the fact you only felt friendship for her was the reason. 

"Wanna order pizza in tonight?"

Wanda turns her head from the tv and notices you've put your book down. "Hm, not really. We had pizza last week," Wanda shakes her head. 

"How about that Greek place that just opened up on Willington Ave?" You suggest. "Pretty sure I heard you grumbling about wanting Greek food earlier this week."

"I was not grumbling!" Wanda scoffs but smiles when you raise your eyebrow at her. "Okay, I was grumbling a little."

You snicker as you pull out your phone to order delivery. "Oh, sweet golden best friend of mine, whatever shall you do when you get married to Vis, who hates Greek food. Do I foresee a life of Greekless cuisine? Oh, the suffering you'll go through!"

"I don't need him to like it," Wanda slaps your arm, sticking her tongue out before she cuddles you. "I have you to eat it with."

You laugh unabashedly, a sound that Wanda's accustomed to hearing the joyful sound. "Better hope the person I marry also hates Greek cuisine. I don't know if I can live a life of eating double the Greek food. I love tzatziki sauce, but if I grow to hate it from eating it too much, I will make you suffer the consequences of that."

Your voice trails off as you focus on ordering food, unable to see the cogs in Wanda's head turning. 

It's all so easy. There's no tension, no electric vibes happening. Just best friends enjoying the banter and making plans to eat. 

It was all in Wanda's head, right? You're her best friend, so of course you'd know everything about her. 

The right type of friendship is fulfilling and soul-connecting, and that's what Wanda has with you. When you have a one-in-a-million connection like that, the line between friendship and romance is thin, isn't it?

Wanda hates Steve. She'd never think about this if it wasn't for Stupid Steve. She can hear his dumb laugh, blissfully ignorant about the observation bomb he dropped upon her. 

"Do you wanna get ice cream after?" You ask, throwing your phone to the side. "I'll even treat you to the gelato despite knowing I'm going to suffer through your crazy farts later."

"Oh my god, I'm going to trap you under the blanket with it just for that!" 

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷ 

Within two months, Wanda forgets about it. Forgets, as in that she decides to drop it (let it linger in the deep depths of her brain that she refuses to acknowledge), and resolves that Steve has no brain cells and has no idea what he's saying. 

"Have you seen my strapless black top?" Wanda shouts from her room with the door open. "The one with the v-shaped front!"

"In your closet!" You yelled back from the living room, not taking your eyes off your phone. 

"I can't find it," Wanda whines, and she hears you sigh as you get up. The footsteps approach her room, and she finds you standing at the door with an unimpressed look.

"I don't want to hear it," Wanda sniffs. 

"Hear what, brat?" You say with a brow raised before you start rummaging through her closet. The nickname was a joke you started that Wanda was entirely a spoiled person, exhibiting bratty behavior at times. "That I'm not gonna be your roommate forever, so you need to learn to fold it yourself before putting it away?"

Wanda makes grumbling noises that are mostly nonsensical but smiles when you pull out the top she was looking for. 

"You are the apple of my eye, stinky," Wanda grabs the top from you before she runs into her washroom to briefly change into it. 

"A match made in heaven, yeah, yeah," you roll your eyes with good humor. "Hurry up, Natasha will kill us if we're late for Yelena's birthday. They're on an upwards mend in their relationship, so she's been so unbearably uptight lately to make sure nothing goes wrong."

"I know, I know," Wanda mutters, carefully pulling the top over her head to not ruin her makeup. 

"Alright, I'll hail us a cab, meet me outside."

"Wait, wait!" Wanda calls out. "I need help putting on my necklace."

You chuckle, walking back just as Wanda steps out of the bathroom with the delicate necklace she wants to wear. 

"Alright, alright, relax," you tell her. "Your accent gets really strong when you're stressed."

"You're stressing me out by rushing me," Wanda scrunches her nose even though you can't see it. "I'm also stressed knowing that you have to rush me, or I'll spend the party getting lectured by Natasha."

Wanda's voice comes out husked with the accent, something she's struggled between hating or loving, but mostly loving since you've expressed how lovely it is.

You grab the necklace from her hand, and Wanda moves her hair out of the way. The routine of it all starts to bleed the tension out of her shoulders. 

Then, that horrible Stupid Steve Sentence kicks into her brain. 

 It's only as you put your arms over, placing the necklace against Wanda's chest, and focusing on trying to get the clasp in. Wanda can feel your warm breath against her neck, summoning goosebumps along her arms. You're so close, and she can feel the heat of your body radiating onto her, your fingers just barely brushing against her.

The tension comes suddenly, squeezing inside her chest as her breathing slows and shakes. Her body warms in an unexpected way. 

"Ah, got it," you say, but Wanda can only focus on your voice and breath on the shell of her ear. "Cute necklace but the clasp is so annoying."

You pull away and start walking off. "C'mon, I bet if we tip our taxi driver an extra $20 bucks, they'll speed and we can pray we're on time."

Wanda's left standing there, knowing she probably sounds like she's fresh out of Sokovia with how stressed she is. Her right eye twitches.

Was that...Wanda gulps. Was that sexual tension?

And was she the only one who felt it?

Fuck.

She's going to kill Steve.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷ 

Natasha's absolutely neurotic when they arrive. It's just a simple backyard party, but it almost looks like a wedding venue with all the catering and flowers. 

Wanda's pretty sure Natasha's only being like this because she's overthinking about whether to cling to Yelena or give her sister some space to mingle with others. She seems to be sizing up Kate, who Yelena might be seeing, but it hasn't been confirmed. 

Yelena looks between exasperated with Natasha and secretly happy about the entire thing. Wanda can sympathize with her. After all, she's also a little sister, and Pietro can also be way too overprotective. Sometimes she's glad he's abroad in Europe for work while she remains in New York, but she misses him more often than she admits. 

"Alright, alright, Natasha," you groan, and Wanda's mind slips back into the conversation. "We're 3 minutes late, relax, will you? Damn, are you always gonna be like this until you and Yelena get back into whatever sibling bond you had before? Hope you're just like this with us because otherwise, you're gonna scare away all her friends, and she's going to hate you."

"Oh my god, do you think she'll really hate me?" Natasha bites her bottom lip in worry while looking around at all the people that they can only assume she's nagged about being late or whatever mishap. 

"Oh, man," you sigh, putting your hand on her shoulders before pushing her towards the bar. "You need some drinks and maybe some desserts in you."

Wanda's about to follow you when you turn around and nod your head in a different direction. She looks over and sees you're nodding toward Vision.

"You should go say hi to him," you tell her. "You've been complaining about not seeing him all last week, even though I don't know why you guys won't just FaceTime, but I digress. Come find me later, or I'll find you after."

You look over at Natasha, who's peering on her tippy toes to see if she can find Yelena.

"And, hopefully, I'll have ditched this nutjob," you whisper conspiratorially and laugh when Natasha turns around to smack your arm. 

"I heard that!"

Wanda chuckles as you walk off with Natasha while she turns and heads toward Vision. Despite how she was complaining about not seeing Vision last week because she did miss him, her expression was sour as she made her way toward him. 

Vision spots her immediately and waves at her with a warm smile. Wanda feels herself somewhat loosened at his expression. They'd also been friends a long time before they started on-and-off dating, so at the very least, she does miss his easy friendship. 

"Hey," Vision hugs her, slightly rubbing her back before he pulls away but keeps his arm around her. "It's been a while; you look lovely."

"Thanks," Wanda smiles with a shrug. She looks around and sees he's standing with Tony and Pepper. "How are you guys?"

"Could be better," Tony sighs dramatically. "Natasha won't let me do any of my cool party tricks as if I'm going to ruin her little sister's party. If anything, I could make it the party of the century!"

Pepper rolls her eyes good-naturedly. "We were just talking about how we're thinking of going to the Bahamas for vacation in December and escaping the cold. We've invited you and Vision along since it's been awhile since we've all gone together. Of course, we can also invite Bug and Natasha."

"Oh," Wanda says for a lack of anything else to say. She doesn't know how to feel about it, but she peers over at Vision, who's just smiling at her and looking eager about it. 

"I need another drink if I'm going to suffer through this party," Tony sighs. "Maybe I can convince Yelena instead!" He grins, dragging Pepper along, and they walk off together. 

"So, what do you think?" Vision asks when they're alone. "I didn't want to reply on your behalf since I wasn't sure, but I think it'd be good for us. I've missed you," Vision pauses as if he's about his next words but then says, "a lot."

"Yeah, me too," Wanda starts to say, but then her brain gets all haywire because it feels like a lie. She did miss him, but did she miss him a lot? "I think."

"You think?"

Wanda wants to smack her forehead because she didn't mean to say that out loud. "I mean, I was complaining a lot that I haven't seen you in a while all last week."

"Yeah, work has just been overwhelming. I get so tired after work, I just can't keep up with the texting or calls."

But you can, Wanda thinks. Granted, you're her roommate, so it's easier. But even when you have to go on work trips, you regularly text her no matter what time and squeeze in a quick call, even if it's just to say goodnight. 

The entire thing makes Wanda bite her tongue because why was she even thinking about that? That was completely irrelevant to Vision. 

Then—because as if just thinking about you wasn't enough—her eyes trail across the room, and the scene before her makes Wanda even more confused about her feelings.

You're standing there with Natasha at the bar, but it looks like Natasha's calling someone over to introduce you to them.

Another brunette with long, wavy hair, like she just had a blowout done. Wanda's not 100% sure from this distance, but she has an inkling that the brunette also has green eyes. She's wearing a white halter top and wide-legged sage green pants. She wears a lot of rings, but her makeup is lighter and more summery compared to Wanda's darker, smokey eye makeup.

In short, this woman was the clean girl aesthetic version of Wanda. 

And you look interested. 

This was ridiculous, Wanda fumes, feeling her stomach sink and cheeks flare hot in anger. As quick as the anger came, it dissipated.

Why was she so angry?

She feels betrayed, and her thoughts are turning very ugly. Wanda is definitely not being a girl's girl right now with how much she's thinking she's better than the girl in front of you. 

But that just makes everything so much more confusing. 

"Wanda?"

Wanda turns her head back to Vision. He looks concerned, and even when his eyes trail toward what Wanda's staring at, there's no additional reaction. He's not upset that she's staring at you, and that has to mean something, right?

It must mean there was never a concern about how Wanda might've felt about you. Sure, there were a few things Wanda couldn't be without, and you were one of them, but nobody can't be without their best friend. 

No one had ever blinked twice about you and Wanda.

Except now.

And that person was Wanda herself. 

The more Wanda thought about the entire thing, the more she became curious. The idea of you dating people who looked like Wanda was intriguing. She wanted to ask questions but didn't know what to ask.

It might mean nothing, but it also might mean something. 

And if it does mean something, Wanda wants to know what exactly it is. 

Therefore, Wanda needs nothing in her way to find out the truth and exactly what she wants, regardless of the answer. 

This was insane, wasn't it? Wanda's always been ambivalent about dating women. She's never gone out of her way to try it since she had Vision. Never mind entertaining thoughts about dating her best (girl)friend. And now, she was giving everything up in the pursuit of finding out what it could mean that her best friend was dating her lookalikes—and why she cared.

Wanda doesn't even know what she'll want to do with that information. 

Wanda looks at Vision, peering at his features she's always found handsome. When she thinks back, she's not even sure why she complained to you about how she hasn't seen or heard from him lately. She hadn't even gone out of her own way to do something about it.

"I'm not going on the trip. I don't think I actually missed you like that."

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷ 

The girl introduced to you was named Raye, Natasha's coworker that recently moved from Nashville. It was also confirmed she has green eyes, though they had specks of brown in them. She was a southern belle with a bold attitude, witty, and a wicked sense of humor. All in all, undeniably charismatic. 

At least, that's what you told her in private because all Wanda could feel was unrestricted aggravation with the other girl. The southern twang made Wanda's eye twitch, mostly because she knew you were head over heels for accents.  

"And then before I knew it, I was panicked and more lost than a blindfolded turkey on thanksgiving!"

You burst out laughing while Wanda's expression is stony, but when you look at Wanda, she forces a smile on her lips.

"Hahaha," Wanda dryly let out. "So funny."

But it wasn't. What the fuck did that even mean?

Raye continues to talk while you listen with rapt interest, and Wanda takes the time to observe your features in a way she's done many times before but with a different mindset. 

Your lips are curved in a smile, glistening from your chapstick. They're shapely, and they look soft. It rivals her favorite feature of yours, which is your eyes. They've always been so expressive with her, and Wanda's been around long enough that she knows what every expression means. She can tell when they glint with mischievousness or are soft with immense compassion and empathy. 

"So, what did you think of Raye?" You ask Wanda as you leave the party.

"She's cool, I guess," Wanda answers nonchalantly. 

The rest of the party was excruciating between Raye constantly hanging around you and Wanda also being too nervous to be alone with you. 

"Really cool," you sigh with a grin. "Glad I got her number. It's been a while since I've met someone so funny."

Was she funny, though? Wanda wonders.

"Funnier than me?" Wanda finds herself asking.

"No one could be funnier than you, brat," you smirk. "I almost peed myself laughing again when you almost knocked off Yelena's cake. I thought Natasha was about to enter into a coma." You snicker while Wanda rolls her eyes with a smile. 

"Glad I can always give you the biggest laughs, stinky."

Wanda glances over at your face, recognizing the excitement by the brightness in them. It's just another reminder that, as your best friend, she knows you like the back of her hand. 

But lately, when Wanda watches you pick up girls, she can tell when they're heady with desire. That look hasn't been directed at her, and Wanda wants to know what it'd be like if it were.

Wanda recalls the night you kissed the bartender and imagines if it had been her instead. She pictures your hand sliding across her jaw and cheek while your other pulls her closer at the waist. 

It's horrifying when a slow pit of arousal builds in Wanda's gut and...other regions. It feels utterly frightening and wrong like she's betraying the friendship for having and then reacting to such thoughts about you. 

But there's another part—the part that tells Wanda there's nobody in this world that she loves more than you. The mere idea of ever being apart from you was unfathomable. Wanda could and has endured so many things, and it would always be okay as long as she had you. 

So, knowing that Southern Belle Raye has the potential to be more than a one-night stand to you, Wanda realizes that she has a very small window to not only come to terms with her newfound feelings but also act on them as well. 

If this didn't go well, Wanda would definitely murder Steve.

PART TWO

[itstheoneshot]

Kinktober Day 8

Dubcon: San

!dom San

- warnings; domestic abuse, physical and verbal

You aren’t sure how to get out of this. You really fucked up. You know that you shouldn’t have texted him, your crazy ex. You had too many drinks and got all up in your feelings, and instead of just putting yourself to bed, you unblocked his number and reached out. Flagging your location, he was over within the hour, and without thinking - again - you let him in.

He has you backed into a corner, anxious and shaking, reality hitting you, thoughts of the Intervention Order in the back of your mind, words lost as he stares down at you. So much for protection, when you are the reason that he is here, who is supposed to help?

“You hurt me,” San growls, “My love, why would you push me away?”

You whimper as he gets closer, accepting your fate, somewhat grateful to be so far from sober, even though that is what got you here in the first place, at least it won’t hurt so bad until tomorrow. You close your eyes when you feel his breath on your lips, before you feel his lips for real when he kisses you deeply. 

It is all too familiar, you were together for years before you had managed to escape him almost 10 months ago. Under protection, you lived in a new house, in a new town, so far from where you had lived together. You were safe, bruises healed, therapy working you through the emotional side, but every time you got drunk you would think of him, only tonight you acted on that.

You know that it is safer to give in, and in some sick, twisted way, it feels good. Of course you wanted this, at some subconscious level, primal, you had always said you were soulmates, it was so easy to kiss him back, despite the flight reflex and alarm bells screaming in your head to run away, don’t forget he almost killed you, but he could do it again if you tried to resist.

“I’m sorry,” You lie, letting him lift you off the ground, wrapping your legs around his waist, “It was a mistake, I shouldn’t have.” San kisses along your jawline and down your neck, marking the skin just like he used to. You are too drunk to know whether it feels good or not, but you gasp for air, obediently rocking back into him as he grinds into you against the wall. You don’t instigate anything, pretty much becoming a ragdoll in his arms, giving him the freedom to do whatever he wants, whether you really like it or not. 

He carries you down the hallway, kicking doors open as he passes them, having not been to this apartment before, he does not know the layout, and you are too afraid to tell him where to go, knowing that he will say something along the lines of I’m perfectly capable of getting there myself, are you calling me stupid, bitch?

Finding the bedroom, you are roughly thrown down onto the bed, and San makes quick work to undress you, though you weren’t wearing much anyway, only in loose comfortable clothes while you got intoxicated alone. He, on the other hand is in a suit, having come straight from his office when he got your call, while he was working overtime, unsurprisingly, you used to fight over that all the time, though of course as CEO he had to work almost 24 hours a day. It takes him minutes to get out of his clothes, and your mouth salivates at the sight. He really is perfect, at least in appearance, his proportions are crazy, flawless in every way, it’s no wonder you fell for him in the first place, and why it was so easy for him to make you feel so inadequate that you took his abuse as if you truly deserved it.

He is fully hard before he gets his underwear off, and he enters you without warning or preparation. It stings, he is so large, and your last time was with him, over a year ago now. You cry out as he thrusts in all the way, only distracted by the way he moans just as loud, eyes rolled back in his head as you clench to him, desperately willing your body to adjust. It is so hard, mixed feelings have your head spinning, you asked for this, you asked for this, you asked for this, repeating the sentiment like a mantra in time with his thrusts, metering your breaths, centering yourself to maintain composure until for you too it starts to feel really, really good.

“Fuck, Sannie,” You whine, words cut off as he kisses you harder, his tongue practically halfway down your throat, “I missed this so much, missed your cock, missed you.” His hand settles around your throat, almost throwing you straight into a flashback, but he is just gentle enough to keep you grounded, “I missed you too, but we’re together now.” Pleasure washes over you, mixed with fear and the unknown, your orgasm is life-altering, body shaking violently as San does not grant you any reprieve, only fucking you harder, faster, again reminding you of your stance in comparison to him, of the danger that you are in. It is hot, and you feel fucking crazy for thinking so, but you allow it. He cums not long after you, releasing inside you with a warning that he would love to knock you up so that you can never escape him no matter how hard you try.

You fall asleep shortly after he pulls out, curled up in his arms, comforted by his warmth, with mixed feelings that will continue to bring you through endless nightmares overnight, but that is tomorrow’s problem. Right now, he is being kind, at least in his own way, and you hope that it stays that way until you find another way to leave.

-

kinktober masterlist

[cyten0]

A Symphony in Crimson

A combination of the carrion!sif au originally by @traumaboyexo, and an Au I was working on before, to add elements of AdventureQuest World's Astravia. Enjoy!

Act 1: A Movement in Black

Chapter 1

In the Darkness, the monster hides To escape it’s prey’s dread fearful cries Yet it yearns the strength to meet the light Will it find friendship, or simply strife?

◉ “Siffrin?”

You open your eyes slowly. You were having such a nice nap. Mirabelle is standing above you.

◉ “Good Morning! Well, more like, good afternoon, I guess… Were you taking a nap? That’s just like you… Only you could sleep peacefully at a time like this, hehe!”

You nod.

◉ “I guess that’s smart… We better get some rest while we can! We have to be ready tomorrow, so we can finally face the king!

Your too sleepy to talk. It’s too bright, even with mira looming over you. You close your eye again.

◉ “...You're still half asleep aren’t you?”

✦ “mrrg”

◉ “Hm… Ok, then… You can sleep a little longer, but not too long! Come to the village when you're ready, Okay?”

You relax for just a bit more, listening to Mira’s steps away. She is right, you can’t sleep all day. Wake up Siffrin, you have a country to save.

You get up and pretend to stretch, double check and make sure Mira’s out of line of sight, then take a real stretch, hearing the snap of your bones and feel your skin stretch, before putting your body back into shape. Feels good to shuffle things around a little. After all, she’s right, you're going to fight the king tomorrow. Better keep yourself in shape, figuratively and literally.

Once you’re sure you look human, you head on over into town. You pass by a bird, and hear it chirp. It’s a really nice note! F, you think? You mimic it, and start humming a tune to it’s key as you go. Mirabelle is waiting for you, and starts humming along for a few seconds as you approach her.

◉ “Sounds like you had a good nap Siffrin!”

✦ “Yeah, it was pretty good. Solid 9/10”

◉ “...Is it not a 10 because I woke you up?”

✦ “We’ll do better next time.”

◉ “I promise I’ll let you sleep in next time! So we can get the Elusive 10/10 score!!!”

You start getting ready to head into town when…

◉ “Oh wait! I had something I wanted to ask you!!!”

You stop and listen.

◉ “Um, I have an idea for tonight… This will be the night before we go fight the king, so I felt like we could make it special somehow… So, I was thinking, how about a sleepover? Let’s all eat good food together! Sleep in the same room! Maybe tell stories! I think there’s even a guitar in the clock-tower if you want to play something! It would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

That’s not really that different from what you usually do? The guitar bit is nice to know though! But she can see you're not particularly excited…

◉ “Ah… you think it’s silly, don’t you? I’m sorry… I was trying to find something fun to do tonight, but that’s all I could think of… It was… It was a stupid idea, wasn’t it...? Maybe we should forget about it…”

Oh no, you can smell the anxiety coming off of her! YOU MADE MIRABELLE UPSET!!!! You quickly try and recover!

✦ “N-no I think it’s fun!!! Let’s do it!!!”

◉ “Are you sure...? Alright then… Um… So if we’re doing it, can you let everyone know...? I… I don’t think I could convince everyone…”

Well you guess you have to now, but you suppose you WERE going to go out and check up on everyone anyways. Mirabelle tells you where everyone is, and then hands you a reminder note ‘just in case’.

>>>

You go to the change god statue and pretend to pray. You don’t bother actually praying, you doubt a god would care for a monster like you. But you do reminisce a bit. It’s been quite a journey so far, even if it’s just been a few months.

It was almost a year ago that the king appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. Possessing immense craft power, he spread his curse across Vaugarde, freezing in time everything in it’s path. With Dormont’s house of change under his control, he patiently waits, knowing the curse can only be reversed if he is defeated. Luckily for Vaugarde, There’s Mirabelle(◉). Your friend Mira is the only survivor of the house, and was given the ability to fight back the kings curse by presumably the change god. She was already questing for the orbs to unseal the house when you met her, some time after Isabeau(▲) and Odile(◆) had joined up. You saved them all from a particularly strong sadness while hunting, and they asked if you wanted to join. You didn’t have anything better to do, and decided to join them. A few weeks later, you met Bonnie(✿), rounding out your little group.

You saw a lot of Vaugarde during your travels. Quietly killed and ate a lot of sadnesses when the party wasn’t looking. Even as the kings curse got worse, you all kept going. They all had their own reasons, all really good. But you just joined because there was nothing better to do. You might be a monster, but you still felt you could help. What else could you do?

Once Mirabelle asked if you were okay, following them on a journey to save the country. She felt guilty, like she was forcing everyone to follow her on a hopeless quest. You wanted to put her at ease, so you said easily, and truthfully that traveling with everyone is the happiest you could remember being. She seemed upset. You cringe just thinking about it. Wasn’t exactly considerate of her situation. Talking is so hard. Well regardless, one way or another, your journey will be over tomorrow.

>>>

You finish talking to Isabeau and decide to go to the favor tree. As it looms above you, you walk closer, to find an appropriate leaf. You know how this works like the back of your hand, and a leaf is the first step. As you pick up the leaf, you think. This wishing ritual is probably very taxed right now. It’s really popular, with so many people wanting Vaugarde to be saved. The tree is already probably struggling to grant that one as is, drawing as much as it can from the stars. You should make a small wish, one that won’t be too hard. You don’t want to take anything away from a wish as big as salvation. A solution to the hunger is too big, and you’ve been handling it well enough so far. So what to wish for instead…

You have some ideas. But which one to go for? You also need to be specific, to help things out.… You remember Isa’s comment about being a clothing designer, when you were talking to him earlier. You’ve liked traveling with Isabeau. You joke a lot, but never talk about important things. You're glad to have heard that dream. You’d like to have the chance to play human at least long enough to see that dream come to fruition, and trying out some of his clothes would be really nice. Being able to have a keepsake of this party would mean a lot, and being able to see him smile from you wearing something he made would make you so happy. You honestly want to see where all of them end up. You want to stay with them!

You breath the wish into the leaf three times, fold it closed, and gently let the leaf go. There! That should be simple enough for the tree to handle, and can be done later too. Though, you swear you felt something when you made that wish. Probably just them marking you for later.

>>>

▲ “Phew, Bonbon… That was DE-LI-CIOUS!”

◆ “You keep getting better at cooking, Boniface. Those Samosas were fantastic.”

✿ “Really, it wasn’t bad? You liked it? I-I MEAN, OF COURSE IT WAS DELICIOUS. I’m a master cooker, you know!!!”

◆ “Chef”

✿ “I’m a chef cooker!!!”

◉ “That was the perfect meal Bonnie! We’ll all sleep well and have plenty of energy tomorrow!”

▲ “It was almost too much, to be honest… I don’t think I can move”

(You could have eaten WAY more. You ate a few sadnesses on the way here, but Bonnies cooking is so much better! They even made sure to get plenty of meat for you. Every bit counts.)

▲ “Aw Sif, you're still hungry?”

✿ “You eat so much Sif! You REALLY like my cooking! Here have some more”

Bonnie throws a carrot slice at you, and you catch it with your mouth. Non-meats aren’t great for you, but you can digest them eventually, and they taste great!

◆ “I’m just going to hope you don’t get stomach problems. Your diet is so strange. I don’t even know how you fit that much food inside you.”

✦ “I’m a growing kid.”

▲ “Your older then most people here?!?”

You wink cutely.

>>>

It’s the day to fight the king. You all easily went through the first sadnesses, reviewing tactics to assuage Mirabelle. You did make sure everyone was patched up after, so the smell of blood won’t distract you. But so far things are looking pretty good, until Mirabelle suddenly stops you all.

◉ “WAIT!!!”

✿ “Gwah!!! What? What is it?”

◉ “Sorry for screaming, sorry, sorry! Um, I, um… I… don’t know if this is relevant, but… I, um… I recognize this corridor.”

◆ “Oh?”

◉ “I recognize it… The head housemaiden of this house used to warn us about it… I think… I think she called it the ‘Death Corridor’!!!”

▲ “Oh that sounds bad!”

◉ “The house may be a safe building, but with the king here, some traps may have been activated…”

✦ “Sounds like a job for me.”

▲ “Protect us oh trap master!”

You start taking a look, and pull out your tinkering tools, in case you find something. Maybe there will even be spare parts you can use! That said, there’s not much in this hallway the trap could be hiding in though, save a couple pillars. You doubt a peaceful place like the house has anything too complicated, so if there’s a switch, it’d be somewhere easy to reach and locate. So Pillars it is! You go around checking each pillar, and end up finding nothing. Oh well. Better reassure Mira.

◉ “So? So??? Are we safe? We’re not safe, are we, this is the Death Corridor…”

✦ “Don’t worry, It’s fine. There’s nothing weird here.”

◉ “But there must be!!!”

▲ “Aw, Mira…”

✿ “Belle, Belle, don’t worry about it. Frin might not be good at much, but they know stuff about traps.”

Hey.

◆ “Right, If we can’t trust in Siffrin’s capabilities NOW, it doesn’t bode well for later…”

HEY

◉ “But, but—”

✦ “We’re not dead yet right? We’ve been in here a bit, and I’ve walked the whole room, if there was anything, it would’ve triggered by now.”

▲ “Exactly! It’s all fine!”

◉ “Oh…… yeah! Yeah, Okay! I’ll believe you! Sorry… for worrying… I’m a little on edge…”

✦ “We’re good Mira. See?”

✦ “Everything’s fine.”

With a sudden click, you realize too late something rushing down towards you, until you feel your entire body being crushed. Your bones cracking, your muscles flattened, you can’t muster the strength to stop it, you can’t even escape! As you feel the weight slowly crush your core, You feel a tug on your heart

《《《《《《《《《《《《

Huh?

◉ “Siffrin?”

You open your eyes. Mirabelle is standing above you.

◉ “Good Morning! Well, more like, good afternoon, I guess… Were you taking a nap? That’s just like you… Only you could sleep peacefully at a time like this, hehe!”

◉ “I guess that’s smart… We better get some rest while we can! We have to be ready tomorrow, so we can finally face the king!

You just stare at her.

◉ “...You're still half asleep aren’t you?”

◉ “Hm… Ok, then… You can sleep a little longer, but not too long! Come to the village when your ready, Okay?”

… huh? HUH?? Hold on…

DID YOU JUST DIE??

You did! You think!? You went into the house, got crushed by a rock, and now you're back in the meadow, back in dormont, and what Mirabelle just said to you, waking you up, was very familiar???

But ARGH! The trap, the trap!!! You idiot! You stupid fool! You didn’t take it seriously, you KNEW you were still adjusting to only using one eye, you should have used the real eyes! They wouldn’t have noticed, and instead you got taken out IMMEDIATELY! You didn’t even get a chance to see the king!!!

Your job is to be lookout, to be the perceptive, fast one, and you couldn’t even get that right and you DIED. Can’t even be a monster right and survive stuff like that because you didn’t hunt enough food beforehand!!! You hold back an unholy screech of frustration as you squirm and writhe within your own skin, your stomach hurts and you feel like your going to break and STARS you’re USELESS!!!

Ok… You're over it now. You take a deep breath iiiiiiiin. and ouuuuuuut. You take your shaking body, and press yourself against the grass, settling yourself into place.

Ok. You died. That’s one thing. But now your alive. And it’s apparently the day before. You went... back in time? Ok, that makes sense. Well not really, but maybe it’ a monster thing? At least you were in the lead. Judging by where you were, you doubt the trap got anyone else. You're glad it wasn’t any of the real people. Just the monster.

But… You're back… How? Why? And… Can you change things?

...Back to work Siffrin. You have a country to save.

When you get the chance, come to the favor tree. We have much to discuss!

...Was that a voice in your head? Ok, that’s unexpected. You suppose you’ll head there, but first things first, you have to chat with Mirabelle...

>>>

So far so good. You confirmed with the talk with Mira that you can change things, and that others don’t seem to remember. But, scientific method, you should do something with Isabeau too, but to make sure. And maybe you can speed things up? You can talk to him a little later, but you need to find out who the hell that voice was. It could be dangerous, you don't know if you attracted the attention of something bad. Regardless, you need to deal with it quickly, and don't want Isa at risk. Hm. Something like…

✦ “Hey, Isa, I need to do the favor tree thing!”

▲ “Oh! No problem, I’ll get out of your way. Feel free to chat later!”

Success! Though, you don’t like socially shoving him to the side like that. You’ll apologize later, and ask if there’s anything weird. But for now, you need to check out the favor tree. Cautiously, with a hand on your dagger, you get close and start searching around, not seeing anything. When suddenly...

In a flash of Red, a being appears before you. They sit on the tree, dressed on a suit like the conductor of an orchestra, the chest open revealing a glowing star, their hands windows into a night sky. And their face stares at you, with long glowing white hair floating around a lightless mask, revealing only their eyes.

✦ “Uh, hello, stranger.”

✸ “… Hello, stranger.”

[payservewomen]

I’m tempted to say “I’ve hit a new low”😔 but in reality, I’ve been at rock bottom for…a very long time. Years I suppose.

But at least a few years ago, I interacted with women outside of work. But now? I don’t even leave my bedroom on my days off from work.

I sit on my bed, watching humiliation clips; calling ignore phone lines; taking embarrassing photos of myself; edging myself, oftentimes for many hours(almost never less than 4hrs. up to 12hrs)

The one newer development is- I’ll edge for a while, but then the sadness/anxiety makes me go limp….or i’ll be semi hard but my loser penis only grows slightly larger.

It’s like i’m trying to keep in as small as possible, because I know it should be teeny tiny. It CAN grow to 7in but considering how pathetic I am, part of me wishes I had a microdick. Then I could forget these thoughts i have of becoming a normal person again.

Then I could search 24/7 for a superior woman who wants to use and abuse me.

I fantasize about meeting a woman and dating….Getting comfortable with her to the point that I’m able to do the best I’m capable of in making her orgasm…. But then we open up and share kinks etc….and i know as time goes on, there will be many times my dick doesn’t work.

Slowly over time, she realizes just how much of a beta i am, and begins flirting with real, confident men.

By this time, we’re living together; Maybe one month she asks me to cover all the rent, then bills and spends her money on going out….Then a “friend” of hers(maybe with a unisex name that’s usually a woman’s name)is coming into town; she offers our place to stay….Tells me to make dinner etc saying “ali loves lobster tails and filet mignon! I know ur low on money, but it’s ok! I’ll still have enough left until ur next paycheck! Thanks sweetie! Maybe we’ll meet at the airport, then I’ll let you know when we’re on our way, flight gets in i think about 5pm but who knows if it’ll be on time”

I get off work, begin prepping everything….texting her asking if ali’s plane arrived at 5:30….”it did but we’re tryna find the luggage etc. With traffic it’ll take quite a while, plan for a late dinner!”

By 6:30, still nothing, so i text then call to find her phones off.

I figure she’ll probably be walking in any minute….So i check the “find my iphone” tryna be extra sweet and have everything timed perfectly. I see it moved from the airport towards home and begin making dinner….Until i realize another hour has passed. I check it again to see it’s been somewhere between home and the airport for 2 hours now!

Next thing i know, it’s 10, then 11, then 12 midnight!

I’m dozing off and finally see a text “Omg babe i’m sorry! I lost track of time! Ali said getting a hotel room would be easier, and we’ve just been catching up but ugh it got so late and you know how i don’t like to drive at night anyway, so I’m just gonna stay here tonight, see ya tomorrow!”

I just fall asleep, and wake in the AM to see several weird video texts from a number i don’t know….I hear giggling and a man’s voice….almost seeming like someone’s trying to record something and my gf saying “no stop don’t! that’s mean ali!” There’s at least 4-5 clips like that, the last one ending with my girlfriends sexy belly on the screen. I figure ohhh they’re just having fun i guess? But it did give me a bad feeling in my stomach….

Those vids were sent at about 1am. Then at 2am, just a close up of what i’m sure is my gf’s skin, but i can’t tell what part of her body…..but the audio on it was simply my gfs voice sounding like she’s whining or moaning or something? and saying “mmmmm ohhhhk fuck it”

Then 30mins later the clip begins blacked out, but with clear audio…just sounds like licking and slurping….Then a man’s voice “yeah worship it bitch. Now, say it” then the phone moves, showing an arrogant looking man smiling, then it slowly pans down over his entire perfectly fit muscular body….very slowly, stopping on each part of his stunningly perfect body….i mean this guy had an 8pack! Absolutely chiseled in every way. Then it stops to show his abs and v-lines, and then slowly shows his balls…I didn’t know balls could actually be that big!

Then slowly as possible, the camera moves to show the thickest cock i’ve ever seen!

Then the vids stop…but there’s a text at 4am with only an address….my gf knows i wake up for work at 4am…

i call and text her but her phones off ofc. I go to work, and finally around noon, my gf calls saying she’s going shopping with Ali, saying she didn’t bring any of her credit cards asking if i’ve got any money left…i tell her i’m not sure how much, but i’ve got $500 in a sportsbook app from winning the night before…”omg babe that’s perfect! Don’t worry i can move it from there, is it your normal password?” I answer yes, and ask her just to leave at least $100 or so….

And ask if theyre gonna be having dinner tonight…”yeah sweetie we are! I’ll let you know when we’re on the way”

I ask her wtf all those vids were. and who that guy was and she replies “huh? Wait what? You’re telling me you got videos from a random number?! And it had a perfect man’s body with a horse cock?! Lol babe i dunno what websites you’ve been visiting but i’d imagine it’s something to do with that!🤣 What?! u think i’m cheating on you with an old friend or something?! jk! Love u babe”

I hang up the phone and immediately get the same text with the same address, i look up the address to find a really really nice hotel is there. Then another text comes through simply saying “penthouse suite, beta cuck”

Then another text….just a screenshot of a receipt from stub hub for tickets to the nuggets game that night, 5:10pm. 2 tickets, $250 each, wow, better than i’ve ever had for sure.

Then one more text again with the hotels address, saying “ur welcome to stop by whenever, but i suggest you either wait for us to get there or something. not getting up to open the door if we busy fuckin. Can’t wait to see your bitch ass cry🤣”

This one hits me like a ton of bricks and it’s feeling more n more that it’s gotta be exactly what it seems….but no way she’d do this to me!

The great part of our relationship is complete and total honesty and openness! My gf, allison is kinky and loves to be a dirty slut, and we have talked about her fucking others, maybe even a gangbang!

But we’d only done a handful of super kinky things….we’re both submissive so it’s kinda hard to push it and try really crazy n kinky things….we both need that more aggressive attitude!

But i know she loves me deeply. We’ve such an intensely strong emotional connection, more than either of us ever have!

Still no word from my gf and it’s 8pm. At 9pm she finally texts me but it’s the exact same as from the other phone number and it’s just the hotel address and room number…..I call her back, and it rings and rings until going to voicemail. Maybe she didn’t hear it, i call again…it rings 3-4times, less than the last time, then goes to voicemail. I try again and it rings twice then voicemail….Again, same thing. I call yet AGAIN, prob the 6th time and it goes straight to voicemail!

I check the phone locator app and see her phone was at ball arena(nuggets play there)the length of the game….and moved to exactly where the hotel is.

I get dressed, now fearing the worst, but thinking “ok this makes no sense! Either she’s playing some joke on me; something weird like that or some surprise for me?”But i do realize that the most likely thing is…maybe she’s been partying with her friend, she cheated and isn’t sure how to deal with me…..But what’s up with the pics etc? ofc she’s aware of my pervy kinks etc, and she’s prob making it seem like she’s cheating on me, i’m hoping!

I walk to the light rail station, and get on the train….Ugh yeh don’t have the money to get an uber…i checked my bet365 account to see its at zero!

Wtf?! I had some futures bets….ones i could cash out for about $250 total, but they were all just cashed out! i’ve not one bet at all and no money here!

I see that $800 was withdrawn and my bank account was credited $800! But $500 used for the tickets, and $300 spent at some weird fancy store downtown.

Ok that’s it i’ve gotta see what’s up as i’m sitting on the train, mind running wild. Fuck, i gotta get off and walk 20mins, then get a bus!

I get off the train, walking to the bus stop…..Bus finally comes and oh fuck, as i’m tryna buy a bus ticket on the app(for $2.75) It dawns on me “fuck i don’t have enough money in my account” i look at the driver and say “i’m not sure why it’s not working” he looks at it and says “yeah cuz you’re card is being declined, sorry” and closes the doors.

I’m defeated and want to cry. Looking at google, i see it’ll take 2.5 hours to walk there….

It’s now almost 10pm and i consider going back home, but then wtf?! I can’t just sit at home wondering wtf is going on!

So i walk and walk…i watch the clip again and again of the perfect man’s body, fantasizing that the woman i’m in love with is cheating on me in the meanest way possible….Finally, it’s after midnight and I arrive at the hotel….I ask the front desk how to get to the penthouse, and she tells me “the elevator is right over there, but Sir, there isn’t anyone staying there right now”

I thank her and walk away tryna figure out what to do.

I text my gf asking why she texted me that address. she texts back right away with another address! I lose it and call a few times, each time it’s sent to voicemail. I text her back yelling “OK WTF is going on?! What’s your problem? Tell me what’s happening right fucking now!”

She texts back “i’m sorry sweetie, i didn’t mean to upset you! Just having fun with my friend, sorry guess i didn’t realize….I’ll be home tonight, but we’re out, omg babe i’m so drunk! I’ll see you at home, probably late!”

So i begin to walk back home…and remember the light rail isn’t running anymore….Now, I’ve got a 3.5 hour walk!

Finally i arrive home, it rained a little and i’m soaked, socks wet, and miserable and exhausted….

I open the door and hear slurping sounds and my gf giggling. My heart sinks and i already know what’s happening….I yell “wtf are you laughing about?! The fuck is wrong with you, ur being a fucking bitch!”

And i see the same man from the clips emerge from my bedroom, butt naked….he’s holding my favorite shirt, sweat dripping off his immaculate body and he wipes it off, then wipes his asshole with it, now it has skidmarks and throws it at me, saying “wtf did you say bitch?”

I ask who he is and what he’s doing at my place he replies “whatever tf i feel like doing faggot!” I say no it’s my place, and no i’m not gay” i emphasize gay, since i’m not a fan of bigotry and homophobia…”yeh didn’t say your gay, but you ARE a bitch ass faggot! Wtf you gonna do about it, huh? that’s wtf i thought, now, on your knees…obey or i’m gonna beat you up so badly….maybe you’ll get outta the hospital by the time i get out of jail, but it’s your choice” while making his pecs bounce in a very intimidating way. he walks up to me cracking his knuckles saying “ya know, i really DO hope you put up a fight; nobody ever wants to fight me” I look him up and down, knowing he’d kill me quickly….He’s gotta be a foot taller than me….im 5’9 and he’s gotta be at least 6’6!

I ask if i can take my shoes and wet socks off first and he laughs then slaps me in the face, open handed but hard, immediately followed by a left handed slap, i lose my balance and stumble to my knees, then i say “ok ok” on my knees looking up at him.

“Thank me for bullying you. Do it bitch” i thank him, he laughs, spits on me and gives me a wedgie….i make noise indicating it’s hurting, and he proceeds to give me an atomic wedgie…laughs then demands i take my clothes off but keep my wet socks on….

He laughs hysterically at my dick and shouts “baby, how tf were you actually fucking THIS?! omfg, ok come on slut”

And i see my love…she’s crawling on all fours..crawls up to this greek god and begins kissing his feet. She works her way up his legs, as she kisses and licks literally every inch of his perfect body.

Ali then says “ok now, don’t make me tell you again”

She looks me directly in my eyes “Bobby, keep looking in my eyes, ali says we must keep eye contact and he’s in charge here, ok? Please listen to what he says, i don’t want you to get hurt, i really don’t…not physically anyway. I say that because i i i DO want you to get emotionally hurt. I am sorry but when Ali told me he wanted to fuck me, i told him about you. Over months he kept teasing me for fucking such a loser; i love you but you are a loser. He’s been sending me pics of him, and the girls he fucks and omg babe, they cum so hard, and I fondly remembered being fucked by ali. I broke up with him cuz he cheated constantly and i thought that wasn’t ok, Now i realize how superior he is. It’s a small price to pay to be allowed to touch a superior man, im sure you understand. After i admitted how badly i wanted him he began insulting you and making fun of you. He made me take pics and record our sex, and that’s why i haven’t cum in so long, he said i wasn’t allowed with a loser like you. Ali is a sadist, he loves to make women worship him and loves nothing more than breaking beta men like you. That’s not an insult; you’re a beta, he’s an alpha, ya know?

He’s been planning for months to do this….it’s his masterpiece of destroying a loser!”

By this time i’m crying, tears streaming down my face…

“now bobby, we’re recording all of this and you’re now going to thank ali for making your fantasies come true. I know it hurts; the goal is to break you. Ali and i will marry, and you will work for us and live in a tiny room in the basement. U will be used and abused. I know it hurts but this is your new life now. Sure you can run away or something, but then ali will send all the vids and clips to your entire contact list.

But right now you’re going to beg ali to let you eat his sweaty asshole, do it you fucking piece of shit!” By this time ali is rubbing her pussy with his foot and it’s making her horny af….mmm fuck, i fucking hate you loser!” And she spits on me, confusing and hurting me.

I begin to beg to eat his asshole….

And wow, I began this planning on just whining about being so sad and pathetic but then wrote all this…wow i’ve got issues

[cipher26]

this is truly a tmi but i have no friends to talk to about this stuff so here i am, yet again.

hooked up with a guy from tinder tonight. first time having sex. i'm quite proud of myself for going through with it instead of chickening out. i'm also quite surprised at how not nervous i was, which is either testament to my maturity and Growth™️, or a result of the anxiety meds which must be working wonders, absolutely top quality product right there. 10/10

it was also interesting that like...not only was i not nervous and less awkward than normal, but it didn't feel like...shocking? idk i lost the word i wanted, but like touching someone and having them touch me just felt normal. it wasn't weird or embarrassing or whatever, which again...testament to the cocktail of drugs im on lmao. but anyway, idk. i'm a pretty lowkey person to begin with, but it is hard to tell how you'll react to certain situations until you're there.

anyway it was great actually. i mean the guy was fine, attractive but also kinda basic like... the "do we really need a condom?" kind of basic which was almost funny. textbook "high school peer pressuring boy from the examples in sex ed class" kind of basic. it def wasn't romantic in any way, which is probably better for me at this moment. also it didn't last very long lol, and i didn't cum. not surprising but i did have some hope. thank goodness for the toys i have at home. and then i just left.

i'm sure most people would be shocked or appalled that my first time wasn't "special" or whatever (i didn't tell him i was a virgin, i told him "it's been a long time" cause i'm not gonna date the guy and didn't want to deal with that drama, and also i've used toys so it wasn't my first rodeo in a lot of ways).

but the thing is, most of the moments in my life that were supposed to be special, these milestones people romantacize, they were never that special for me. in fact i missed out on most of those life events entirely, for reasons. so this was really on brand for my life i guess. i'm just glad it was on my terms.

oh also it was truly just a quick fuck, there was no kissing involved, which is even funnier when you think about it cause i've never been kissed cause no one cares about me. lmao. my life is so ass backwards i can only laugh about it at this point.

i will say, it was an amazing confidence boost though. physically i'm in the worst shape i've ever been in, and have been convinced my whole life that no one could possibly find me attractive. but he did. i actually felt sexy. and suddenly i don't feel so... different i guess. idk i'm not saying the words right, but you know what i mean she says to the ether. i genuinely think the adhd meds have also helped, because i've been taking care of myself more lately, in some ways anyway. definitely not with eating food... so i think that helped me have enough confidence to even go for it in the first place. i almost didn't out of habit, but then i was like "bitch you are on this app for literally one reason..."

and also i walked into a bodega and bought condoms and didn't feel weird or embarrassed about that either...

honestly i have been wondering if these meds have maybe numbed my personality a bit, cause there are a lot of things going wrong in my life right now and yet i don't feel the familiar ache and coldness of the depression. but maybe this is how normal people function all the time, and i'm not being numbed i'm just feeling what normal people feelings are supposed to feel like for the first time ever, lmfao. i need a focus group of neurotypicals to compare notes with. "so these barely there feelings is how you experience life all the time? it's not an extreme rollercoaster of emotion? weird." lol.

anyway that's enough of that. i did jokingly say to myself earlier "you should lose your virginty before you have to move back in with family in a month, and for the forseeable future" and i didn't think it would actually happen but then it did lol. high five to myself.

anyway if you're still reading this for whatever reason, and you relate to my anxiety/depression/adhd fun factory combo, and you haven't talked to a doctor about trying meds to help manage, i highly recommend you do. i was so against it for so long, and it took me many years to admit that i needed help. and not just that, but that i WANTED help because i was so tired of struggling every day. but it has been such a relief. it's taken over a year of trying and adjusting meds (and convincing the doc that i definitely have adhd) to get to this point, but it's been so worth it. i feel like i'm finally getting to a place where im actually able to live my life, aside from the I'm Broke factor, and i know for a fact i would be a mess without the antidepressants because i'm literally in the middle of losing everything i've worked for for the past 15+ years, including my home, literally, and yet im able to get out of bed and exist and even laugh! that absolutely would not have been the case 2 years ago. so if you need help, please don't be afraid to ask for it. it's so worth it.

strange moral lesson to end this post with but.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Wonderful World - Part 4**^

It's finally here! Ugh I'm bummed I didn't meet my deadline of Monday, but I have the worst hay fever and my eyes itch and watered so much that I couldn't see and I took a benadryl and it knocked me out for a while 🫠 any way, here it is!

Series Masterlist

Warnings: talks/arguments regarding break ups and infidelity, female masturbation, bullying scene w/threat, and arguments about parental neglect.

WC: 10.2K

P.S. I realized I never put a reference picture for Wesley (Celeste's dad), it's gonna be at the end of this part before the tag list:)

The drive was quiet between Harry and Rebecca. He was feeling tense and irritated more than sad. It was strange really. Rebecca didn’t even seem to notice as she was texting away on her phone with a small smile on her face and he just knew that she was talking to Eddie. She had lied about him being single for some reason…almost as if hearing he was taken would somehow appease Harry, he didn’t act like a taken man. And well, Harry had really not acted that way either tonight, he had taken liberties with Diana that he truly shouldn’t have. He never intended to end his relationship over this crush on her though, but it seemed that his relationship was already heading down that road anyway. He cleared his throat and this made Rebecca glance up at him briefly before continuing on her phone.

“Are you gonna be spending the night like we planned?” He asked and she sighed and put her phone down.

“I don’t think so…” she said as she turned to face him, “Have a lot of prep to do for Monday.”

“Well tomorrow’s Saturday… you’ll have Sunday.” He reminded.

“I’d rather go to bed early on Sunday so that I can be well rested on Monday, I’ve got to be in court then.” She said and he hummed.

“OK. But before you go are you going to tell me where you actually were for twenty minutes tonight?” 

“I told you that my mom cal-”

“Oh please…” he mumbled and she sighed.

“Look, you’ve been weird all night and-”

“I’ve been weird?” He asked glancing to her when they stopped at a red light, “You straight up lied about your co-worker’s relationship status to me and for what?”

“Well you’ve been all weird since you saw that text when there wasn’t even anything wrong with what he said!” She scoffed and Harry rolled his eyes with a frown and turned to her again.

“I get it if he texted you that at a decent hour, but it was nearly 10:30 at night when we finished dinner. What the hell am I supposed to think? And don’t give me some shit about how he knows it was late because I teach on Tuesdays when you fucking forget I teach on Tuesdays.” He said and she sighed, “Just…tell me what’s on your mind. You’ve been really distant for a while now and-”

“I‘ve been distant?” She asked with a frown as he turned on his street and she sighed, “Ever since you opened your practice you’ve been holed up in there all the fucking time!” She vented, “And then you just had to go and apply for that teaching position on top of what you’re already doing-”

“Don’t flip this on me, Becs.” Harry said as he pulled up into his driveway, “I’ve been bored! What else am I supposed to do? You’ve been obsessing over work over the last year and constantly bailing on our plans from putting work first, so of course I went and took another opportunity that would keep me occupied-”

“Harry, that’s part of our arrangement. Work first, we both agreed on that.” She said as he put the car in park and turned to her as she looked at him firmly as he scoffed.

“Our arrangement?” He questioned her phrasing wryly and she sighed.

“You know what I meant.” She said and he shook his head and before he could respond his phone started ringing and his car’s screen lit up indicating it was Henry and Harry picked up his phone and locked the screen, silencing the ringer before he looked to her again.

“You know what I think?” He asked, “I think that at one point our relationship really started becoming just an arrangement to you, I don’t know when that was, but I wish you had told me about it when you decided that.” He said and she was about to speak when he spoke again, “I’m not done.” He said and she sighed, “If you haven’t already cheated on me with that twat, Eddie, you’re definitely thinking about it and that really pisses me off.” He said to her as she frowned, “If you don’t want this any more just come out and say it.” He said seriously and she shook her head, not really sure what to say as she licked over her lips.

“What do you want me to tell you, Harry?” She asked before letting out a defeated sigh.

“The fucking truth! That’s it!” He almost shouted it at the top of his lungs because how hard could it be?

“Fine.” She said and he swallowed thickly before he nodded, “I…slept with Eddie. On Wednesday.” She admitted and he looked away from her and scoffed, “And that’s why! You act like you don’t care! Actually scratch that, you don’t care about anything that I do! You don’t care about my career, about my aspirations, you don’t seem to be understanding of how I need your support on my journey!” Harry’s phone started ringing again and it was Henry again and he switched it onto silence mode with a groan before continuing the conversation.

“What?! I go to the dinners and the schmooze-fests, and meet so many fucking city officials that I practically know who chose the fucking color of the garbage bins! What more do you want from me?! I don’t get it!” He shouted as he lost his patience.

“I don’t invite you just as my date, Harry. If you don’t see the opportunities there then that’s on you! You don’t want to do something bigger with your life? You could sit on the board at the hospital or attend more panels to give insight to the elected officials about mental health and be known for the good you’re doing out there!” She shouted back.

“Do you even hear what you’re saying, Rebecca? Where’s the sincerity in doing something good if you just want to be recognized for it? I don’t delve into the political aspect of my career because I don’t care about it! I do what I can by my patients, OK? I help them and I know that. Yes, our institutions are not at their best, but why would I waste time pushing and shouting at a bureaucratic brick wall when I can be making a difference in some people the entire time?” He asked and she sighed, “Why do you think I decided to open my own practice instead of joining an established one? I want to make an impact on people my way. I’ve been there for you in the ways that you’ve asked and-”

“Well it’s just not enough! OK?” She shouted in exasperation, “You’re not even upset that I slept with someone else, Harry. You don’t care enough at least he cares.” She said flatly and he shook his head as he shrugged.

“Well, I’m sorry, I guess our arrangement truly isn’t working out.” He said flatly before getting out of the car and shutting the door harshly as he headed up to his door. He pulled out his phone and saw another missed called from Henry and a text asking him to call him back when he got the chance. Harry couldn’t help but notice that neither of them were crying, they were just seemingly venting about how annoyed they’ve been at each other this whole time. He heard her door close and her steps rushing up behind him.

“So that’s it then?” She asked and he turned around and sighed.

“You cheated on me. You can’t stand there and act like there’s a way forward after everything you’ve just told me in there.” He said pointing to the car and she frowned.

“You’re not even going to try and fight for me? Just gonna hear that and give up?” She asked and he shrugged, “Are you even in love with me?” She asked and he looked off to the side before looking to her.

“I…I’m really trying to be.” He said honestly.

“Wow…” she exclaimed flatly before turning around and starting to walk to her car.

“Why are you trying to make me feel like shit for that? After everything you’ve said you expect me to believe that you’re in love with me?” He called after her and she turned around.

“You’re right. I never was either.” She admitted.

“Rebecca, listen to me.” He said coming up to her and grabbing her hands, “I do love you and I care about you and I want you to be happy-”

“Why couldn’t you be honest with me about those feelings before I went and…fuck!” She cursed with a frown.

“Because I truly was trying to make it work with you! I wasn’t going to give up yet. If I were getting to that point I would’ve told you.” He said and she nodded.

“I’m sorry I cheated.” She said looking into his eyes.

“Did you feel bad about it?” He asked and she looked down to the ground and sighed, “Well, that’s a no.” he chuckled and she glanced up at him to see that it wasn’t even sarcastic, he was genuinely laughing at it.

“I really tried to if that helps at all…” She said, quoting him from earlier and this led them both to laugh softly, “I’m serious though. It wasn’t even planned and afterwards I didn’t feel like I thought it would and I was just working up the courage to…to say it to you. That’s what made me feel bad, knowing that you didn’t deserve that.” She pouted slightly as she spoke and squeezed his hands, “Today I was talking with Eddie about how I was going to talk to you about it and we ended up making out. That’s where I was.” She finished and he nodded, “You don’t seem upset.”

“Neither do you.” He stated and she shrugged.

“I guess we were both just trying…” she said softly.

“Guess so.” He hummed, “So maybe it’s a good time to tell you that Henry and I both didn’t like him and hoped that our paths would never cross in an escape room again.” He said and Rebecca sputtered on a laugh, “We were gossiping about it with Diana.” He confessed.

“Yeah, he was kind of in shambles…” Rebecca said, “While we ummm, confess things…I will probably never do an escape room again.” She said and Harry laughed, “It’s the fucking worst.” 

“You’re alright at it though.”

“Yeah, because I solve problems all fucking day, the last thing I want to do on my nights off is solve more problems. Stupid ones too.” She giggled and he shrugged.

“Yeah, fair enough.” He said.

“And you know, that Diana girl, she said something tonight that led me to having that chat with Eddie. I was complaining about the bar, you know I hate that bar.”

“Oh boy, do I…” he chuckled.

“I was basically telling Grace get used to it because you’re gonna end up here anyway. I don’t know why you guys talk though options if you’re always going to end up there, but anyway… I was telling them that you liked it because it gave pub vibes and she was basically saying that it was nice of us to still come here because it was probably really nice for you to find something like that here that reminds you of home and she just put things into perspective for me. Like she’s a fucking stranger and had a lot more consideration and care for what matters to you than I ever did! And that’s what made me realize that I needed to tell Eddie to just give me a bit of time to break things off between us.” She explained and Harry bit over his bottom lip to suppress the smile that threatened to break over his lips at the thought of Diana sticking up for him like that. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that…maybe I have been a bit selfish in this relationship. I know you’ve been so understanding and patient with me and entertaining all of my feats to get my foot in the door somewhere and well, you deserve someone who will do the same for you and who makes it about you too. Someone who can look past their own shit and just do things that make you happy simply because they make you happy and not complain about it.” She said and he chuckled.

“I think we all deserve that, love.” He said and she smiled, “Well thank you for everything, I’ve learned a lot about local government.” Harry said and she giggled.

“Yeah, I’ve learned a lot about…I don’t even know…that’s bad isn’t it?” She asked and he shrugged.

“You’ll do better next time.” He assured as he let her hands go and she nodded.

“I really am sorry about all of this.You really do deserve the world, Harry. I hope you don’t forget that.” Rebecca stated and he smiled.

“Thank you.” He responded before she walked off and got into her car and he headed inside once she took off. 

As she drove away Harry felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders somehow, she probably felt the same. He remembered that Henry had called him a bunch of times, so he pulled his phone from his pocket and called Henry back and he answered almost immediately.

“Hey man.”

“Hey, what’s up?” Harry asked and Henry sighed.

“I’ve ummm…I have to tell you something and it’s not good news.” He said and Harry frowned in concern.

“Oh, OK. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. But I just need you to know because I respect you and I love you and you deserve better-”

“Is this about Rebecca and Eddie?” Harry asked as he scratched at his head.

“Ummm, yes.”

“She beat you to the punch, man. She told me and she literally just left we ummm, we ended things.” He said.

“Oh, thank god. I had no idea how I was going to break that to you.” He said and Harry chuckled, “You don’t seem too torn up about it.”

“I’m not, neither was she… I kind of told her that I’ve been trying to be in love with her and just…can’t? She felt the same and so we just ended it.” He explained.

“Well I hate to say I told you so but she did say that you being together was very convenient and well…you know how I felt about that.” Henry said and Harry chuckled.

“Yeah, she called it an arrangement while we were arguing a bit so…” Harry mumbled. He then swore he heard someone in the background asking if he was alright, “Is that Grace?” 

“Yeah. She’s the one who saw Eddie and Rebecca outside.”

“Oh, that’s why she suddenly wasn’t feeling so well…poor thing. You can tell her that I’m alright and that I really like her, I think you guys will be great together.” Harry said and Henry smiled.

“Thanks, man. I appreciate that.” Henry responded, “And well, I know that maybe it wasn’t everything you thought it was, but you still just ended a relationship, so if you need absolutely anything you know I’m here for you. Day or night.” Henry assured.

“Thank you, I appreciate that. Love you, man. Talk soon.”

“Love you, good night.” Henry said before they hung up. 

As Harry got ready for bed he couldn’t help but think about Diana again. Yeah, he was single now, but that didn’t make her any less attainable and it sucked. Part of him wanted to tell Henry about how they knew each other and maybe he would if it got too hard or tempting for him to be around her. The nice thing now was that he didn’t have to feel guilty for being into her.

*********

Diana woke up her body so tense that it ached a bit, she was hot and worse than that, she was so turned on. She could feel her arousal slicking her up to the very tops of her thighs. She rolled over and saw it was only 6am and she groaned as she threw an arm over her face as her body continued to buzz. This wasn’t good… she had just had a sex dream about Harry and as much as she knew she had to dispel the thoughts, she was squeezing her eyes shut clinging on to whatever memory she had of it. 

“Fuck it.” She whispered and sat up to dig around her bedside drawer and found her little clit sucking toy, it was only appropriate for the dream she had, had. She pressed it on before slipping it under the covers and moved her sleep shorts aside. She whimpered quietly as soon as her clit got sucked into the little opening of the toy and she opened her legs a little wider as the sensations started to take over.

In her dream he had been holding around her waist the way he had at the bar, except that in her dream they were in her office at the campus. His body was pressed against hers, she could feel that he was hard as his hand started wandering lower. She squeezed her eyes shut to try and remember the feeling as she pressed the button on her toy to increase the pressure of the sucks. She exhaled shakily as the pleasure very quickly started to expand to the rest of her body from her core. She moaned quietly as she envisioned how he kissed her neck while fiddling with the button on her trousers, “Can I feel how wet you are for me?”, he had asked in her dream, right up against the shell of her ear. She increased the pressure of the sucks again as her free hand bunched the sheets beneath her in a fist, the way she had done to his hair as he opened up her button and fly in her dream.

“Mmm, yes…” she whimpered as she envisioned the way two of his fingers slowly dipped down over her. She envisioned how his fingers had tickled down her labia before dipping into her slicked up crease and feeling her arousal pooling out of her entrance. He had moaned in her dream, right into her ear as he started to pet over her hole, slicking his fingers up before sliding them up to swirl over her clit. Her stomach started to tense up and her ears to roar as the blood rushed to her head with her breathing now becoming shallow as she continued imagining his fingers pleasuring her. It was the next part of the dream that had her going insane.

Suddenly she was leaning against her desk, gripping to the edge of it with one hand and the other woven into his hair as he licked and sucked at her clit fervently while his fingers drove in and out of her steadily. She was alone at home right now and could make all the noise she wanted, but in her dream she was at her office at work and she was fighting to keep quiet, occasionally being shushed by him before he’d smirk at her the way he had the night before. She moaned a little louder as she pushed the button to increase the pressure once again and she started panting and arching her back up just in the slightest as the toy and her imagination worked in perfect tandem to push her over the edge. Her whimpers increased just slightly in volume as that bubble of pressure in her core finally burst and she started melting as her feet pressed her up, her hips raised off the mattress just a bit as she tossed her head back and quietly came undone. Her body was covered in goosebumps as she kept the toy to her clit, powering her through her orgasm. And just before she pulled it away she squeezed her eyes shut and pictured him again, this time in her bed and his lovely, deep voice washing over her beautifully, “Fuck, that’s it. Don’t stop now, you’ve got one more in you, baby. C’mon, just be good for me and give me one more.” 

With that image in her brain she focused on the pleasure underneath all of the sensitivity and quickly started to build to another orgasm. This one was more intense and she couldn’t help the yelp that slipped out of her mouth as the pleasure started to overwhelm her. Her legs trembled and her fingers hurt from the death grip she had on the sheets, but it felt too good to stop as those tingly and beautiful feelings came over her in waves until she had effectively worked through her pleasure and in a panic pressed her finger down over the little button, gasping when the two seconds it took for the toy to power down felt far longer than that. She inhaled deeply and exhaled shakily a few times as her eyes slowly blinked open, all blurry and heavy as she picked a spot on the ceiling to stare at as she slowly came down from the beauty of it all.

What am I doing? She thought to herself as the lovely feelings started to morph into guilt and sadness. Guilt because he had a girlfriend and sadness because even if he didn’t, there was no chance for them, he had confirmed that again tonight before they left, especially now that she knew that he too had an unprovoked curiosity and attraction towards her. It was best that this was the last time she entertained anything that had to do with Harry in her mind. She wasn’t going to indulge again, she needed to set her sights on possible things.

After her orgasmic bliss had turned to post-orgasmic shame Diana couldn’t sleep so she decided to just clean up and go for a walk or jog around the neighborhood to just expel any remaining tension from her saucy dream. It was about 7:45 when she made it back home and she hopped into the shower. 

She made breakfast and then checked her classes for any submissions on their homework assignment system and she did see a few in there that she then worked on grading. She had been so entranced in reading someone’s paper that the chime of a notification made her jump up in fear and she exhale and rolled her eyes as she reached for it and saw an instagram message from Gabe, the history professor who was kind of her friend and asked her out on Wednesday. She opened it up and smiled when she saw a picture of a cup of coffee from Café Flores, apparently she told everyone about this little place.

g.klein88: You were absolutely right about this place. 15/10. EASILY.

Diana smiled as she typed out a response.

DianaBel__: I love being right haha

She proceeded to click on his story to see what he had been up to, it was about 9am now. Her eyes went a bit wide when she saw a tagged video of him presumably after surfing. His wet suit was half-off, rolled down enough to show off his chiseled abs and strong chest, he was waving the “hang-loose” sign to the person who had been recording and then the video’s owner was in the frame showing their own “hang-loose” with a bright smile before it cut out. 

“Well damn…” she whispered and then saw that he was typing.

g.klein88: I had a feeling you would appreciate hearing it lol. Have you given any more thought to my invitation to go out?

Her eyebrows raised, boy he was direct. And she did like that because she tended to be rather oblivious to people’s intentions most of the time. And well, she hadn’t really, but after her incident this morning she needed to just focus her attention elsewhere.

DianaBel__: Why yes, I have and I’m definitely open to it…

g.klein88: Well are you free now? 

She grinned as she read his message and well, she was… she just needed to pick Celeste up whenever she texted her.

DianaBel__: I am…what did you have in mind?

This is how Diana ended up downtown. She was walking up to Gabe now as he waved at her from a few feet away. He had suggested the farmer’s market, it was casual and they could walk around for a little bit and chat while running a bit of errands. After greeting each other with a hug and some very bright smiles the two were walking side by side as they headed into the market.

*********

Harry may have been subconsciously thinking about Diana because he swore he heard her laughter in his surroundings. He ignored it and smiled as he finished paying the local honey lady and just as he turned around he heard it again and as he started to look around he saw her, head knocked back as the laughed at some guy freaking out about something and after a few seconds he was chuckling along with her and then she tip-toed and wiped something off of the man’s chin with a friendly smile and he seemed to thank her before they walked off side by side. Harry couldn’t deny the reason for why he felt his heart shriveling in his chest and his stomach tightening up in a knot that made him feel nauseous. The disappointment he felt suddenly laid heavily on his chest and the smile that had been adorning his face had vanished.

He continued following them, not intentionally, but his car was in the lot, it seemed they were heading there as well so he reached into his tote and put in his AirPods before blasting some music and speeding past them with a small group of people. It’s not that he was upset at her, there was just no way he could get introduced to this man she was with. He was still processing his breakup with Rebecca while simultaneously juggling what he had felt when he saw Diana with this mystery man. He was just having a hard time balancing these seemingly juxtaposed situations all on his own, he didn’t need a closer look at whatever this was to her.

*********

As Gabe walked Diana to her car she could’ve sworn that she saw Harry down near the end of the parking row, but across the street. She couldn’t see well from far, so she squinted her eyes a bit to try and make sure it was him. He was in a white t-shirt and some jeans and he was wearing some kind of yellow hat on his head. Diana smiled as she watched him loading up his totes in his car.

“What’re you smiling at?” Gabe asked and she turned to him.

“I think I know that guy, he’s an adjunct at the university.” She said and he turned to look at him as well.

“Hmmm, never seen him before.”

“Oh, he’s with the graduate students.” She explained as she looked again as he rounded to the driver’s side of the car. She wanted to call out to him but she had no reason to. They had just agreed that after their little conversation the night before everything was over so she just sighed and turned back around, “So ummm, I need to go pick up my daughter, but thank you for inviting me out here, this was nice.” She smiled with gratitude.

“Nice enough to want to do it again?” He asked and she grinned, “Blink once for yes and twice for no.” he said and she laughed.

“Yeah, I think we can give it another go.” She said and he grinned. Gabe was very fun and easy going, he was also a level of hot that she couldn’t deny, he was very easy on the eyes. Yet she didn’t feel a pull to him strong enough to stop her eyes from wandering and she needed him to know because it wouldn’t be fair to say yes to him and still be crushing on Harry, “But I do want to tell you that I’m not exactly sure that I’m looking for anything too serious.” She shared and he smiled, “What?” She asked and he chuckled.

“Nothing, I just like how straightforward you are.” He shrugged, “Also, let me tell you something. I’m…divorced.” He admitted, “It’s been…nearly two years now?” He said and she nodded in understanding, “It just wasn’t working out.” He explained, “It was largely issues with her family, they were very intrusive and not too happy that she married well, someone like me. I was just an adjunct at the time. She’s the VP of communication for a very famous production company, she was the breadwinner, her generationally wealthy family didn’t love my minimal contributions.” He explained, “I maybe got a bit mouthy with her dad for belittling me…turns out she was thinking the same thing he was, just…waiting for the right time to say it I suppose.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright, I’m over it now. We were only married a year, I’m still learning to un-love her, thankfully I loved myself more than her though, at least enough to leave.” He explained, “So I get it, not being ready for something serious. I just feel you’re nice and getting to know you seems like a good idea.” He explained, “We’re just getting to know each other better, we don’t even need to call it dating.” He chuckled and she giggled.

“I mean, I’m not that ruthless.” She said and he smiled, “Let’s just…ease into it. See what’s there.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” He smiled. 

They exchanged a few more words before hugging goodbye. As she drove over to Geri’s house she called Celeste to let her know she was on her way. She was excited to share her news with Celeste, that she’d gone through with the date she had been asked on. She’d definitely be happy that she went through it. When she arrived Celeste came out and settled into the car easily. She did seem very excited that Diana had gone on a date that morning, she still said she could do better and go for a nice dinner or something more romantic, to which she assured her that maybe in the future it could happen, but not yet. The rest of their weekend went back to the fairly normal routine to get ready for the week.

Celeste had therapy Monday and Diana recalled her steamy dream and well, her actions thereafter and she decided that she would wait in the car for Celeste’s sessions until her embarrassment passed. There was absolutely no way she could look in Harry’s eyes after what she had done.

**********

“Hey man, what’s up? How are you feeling?” Henry asked Harry over the phone as Harry made it into his house. He had been feeling down all day and while he knew he should attribute it to the end of his relationship, it had nothing to do with that.

“I’m alright at the moment. Was feeling a bit bummed earlier, but I just got back from a run, that helped.”

“That’s good, bud. Look if you need anything at all, I’m here. We should. Meet up for lunch or something this week? Maybe a drink if the week gets rough?”

“Yeah, definitely.” Harry assured, “How’s ummm, how’s Grace after having to see that?”

“She’s alright, she just felt so guilty knowing and not telling you.” He explained, “You know that I was always a bit skeptical of Rebecca, but ummm, I never thought she’d do something like that.”

“Yeah, you know in a way I’m kind of glad it happened this way because it just reaffirmed everything we don’t feel for each other. Infidelity sort of gave us a reason to not need to work through yet something else, to not settle.”

“Right.” Henry said, “You know H, waiting for the right person is definitely worth it.”

“Yeah, easy for you to say with a fresh new love.” Harry grinned and Henry chuckled.

“OK, there might be a small bias there but ummm…she’s the one H. I knew it from the first date.” He said and Harry smiled.

“That fast, huh?”

“Yeah, man.” Henry assured with a smile.

“So, how did you know?” Harry asked as he reached into his fridge to warm up some leftovers for his dinner.

“Well first off, everything was so easy. Like the attraction to each other was undeniable from the start. When we talk it just flows, like there’s not enough that I can learn with every conversation. I feel so happy when I see her or hear her voice.” He explained, “I don’t know, but it was one of those things that just felt right from the moment she came and told me about hitting my car.” He chuckled and Harry did as well, “After that first time that I looked into her eyes I just couldn’t stop thinking about her. It’s like something just clicked inside of my brain, there was a spark that woke me up.” He said and Harry hummed. He was covered in goosebumps because that’s literally how he was feeling about Diana. From the day he met her, there was just something about her that called out to him and it got harder and harder to ignore it.

“It sounds like you can’t miss the signs.” Harry responded.

“Yeah, you’d have to be an idiot to ignore them.” Henry chuckled and Harry smiled.

“Yeah, I guess so…” he accepted.

Monday went by rather slow for Harry, the one thing that was pushing him forward was getting to see Diana for whatever brief moment he got to greet her. After he bid farewell to his client he started to buzz with excitement, getting ready to greet Celeste and Diana. He straightened out his vest a bit before heading to his office door and opening it up. Celeste immediately stood from her seat and smiled at him.

“Hi Dr. Styles.” She greeted him and he smiled at her.

“Hi Celeste, where’s your mum?” He asked immediately and the second he realized what he had done he felt his stomach sink.

“Oh, she’s reading midterm papers in the car. Do you need to talk to her?” She asked and Harry shook his head.

“Ummm, you know I can just email her. It’s fine.” He assured as he plastered on a smile, “C’mon, lets head back.” He said and guided them back into his office. He sat down and she headed to the window.

“Dr. Styles?”

“Yeah?”

“Ummm, there’s a little cat out there on the fire escape, under your bench of plants.” She said and he immediately stood and headed over there, “It’s soaked.” She said and he frowned and peeked out the window as she moved out of the way to let him see. It had been raining on and off all day long and it seemed that this little guy was looking for shelter. Harry immediately unlatched the large window’s lock and opened it up and he crouched down to fit through it. Celeste watched on as he approached the cat who meowed as Harry approached it.

“C’mon, little guy.” Harry encouraged.

“Or girl!” Celeste said and Harry smiled.

“Yeah, just…c’mere cat.” He extended his hand gently and the cat sniffed it before getting closer. “Celeste, under the sink in the bathroom there should be a pack of microfiber towels, they’re blue. Bring one please?”

“Yeah.” She said and hurried off as the cat slowly started to come closer to Harry. It was shivering and it’s big green eyes were peering into his own with wariness.

“C’mon, I’m not gonna hurt you.” He said gently to the cat. 

“Here, Dr. Styles.” Celeste said from behind and he reached back to grab the towel she had brought him. He let the cat sniff him again and it started inching forward. After coaxing it a bit more it had come close enough that Harry could scoop it up. It protested at first with a few mews but Harry had it in his hold, wrapped in the towel.

“Can you take the cat?” Harry asked Celeste and she reached her arms out and grabbed the cat as Harry climbed back in from the fire escape. Celeste was drying the cat’s head and Harry smiled, “Does it have a collar?” He asked as he closed the window and she felt around the cat’s neck.

“Nope.” She said and he hummed.

“OK.” He said as she carried the cat over to the couch where she sat with it in her lap. It pressed closer to her body, seeking more warmth, “Let me get a dry towel.” He said and came back moments later and helped her swap out the towel.

“Well, she’s a girl.” Celeste said and he smiled, “What’re you gonna do with her?”

“I’ll probably take her to the shelter and see if she’s chipped.” He said and she hummed.

“And if she doesn’t have a home?” She questioned.

“I don’t know.” He said and she sighed.

“Well I think you should keep her around. She could be a nice emotional support cat for all of us coming in. You can name her something cute, like Misty.” She said smiling up at Harry and he chuckled.

“Yeah, that’s a cute name. Well, I will think about it.” Harry said and she smiled as the cat snuggled closer to her as she gently patted at her damp fur, “So today you were supposed to get a final decision on what was going to happen with Megan.” He said and she nodded.

“They changed her consequence to suspension instead of detention. So she got suspended for the week and the girls who were with her, her friends, they got detention for the rest of the month. Megan also has to see the school counselor once a week.” She said and Harry nodded.

“Well sounds like she needs it. How do you feel about it all?” He asked and she sighed.

“I mean good, but I don’t know what comes next. Like, I don’t think this has fixed anything, you know?”

“Well, that’s a valid concern, but we don’t actually know that yet, do we?” He asked and she nodded.

“Right. I just…I don’t feel better.” She explained and he nodded in understanding, “I feel like I still need to watch my back.”

“Well, now that the administrators know they’ll probably keep an eye out on Megan, to make sure he doesn’t retaliate, right?”

“I guess so.” She shrugged as she pet at the cat, “I don’t feel happy about it or anything yet.”

“Well, that might take a bit longer. You still need to settle into how things might change. For the better.” He added in and she nodded.

“What if things get better and I’m still not happy?” She asked and frowned.

“Well, that’s not abnormal.” Harry said, “It could be that you’re depressed for other reasons, but the bullying has been the most obvious stressor so we all just assumed that’s what it was.” He explained, “Is there anything else going on that we should talk about?” He asked and she sighed.

“I…I don’t know.” She said honestly, her eyes were on his and he nodded.

“Sometimes we can just get depressed, it doesn’t always have to do with something deep inside, you know?” He explained, “Whatever it is, we can work through it. From the conversation we’ve been having is it wrong of me to say that you sound… hopeless?” He asked and she shook her head.

“No, that sounds about right.” She confirmed, “What if this keeps happening, over and over again? Maybe we fix the issue this year but someone else comes and makes things hard again next year.”

“Well, I am going to tell you something you might hate to hear, but in life, sometimes shitty things just happen.” He said and she frowned, “But the good news is that with time and experience and family, friends, and other help, like therapy, you’ll be more equipped to deal with the hardships. That doesn’t mean that they’re easier to manage or won’t bug you as badly, but you will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel even brighter than before.” He smiled.

“Well that’s good to know.” She said as she continued petting at the cat.

“Yeah. Do you have pets?” Harry asked and she shook her head.

“No. Mom says we’re not at home enough.” She said and Harry nodded in understanding.

“I see. You know, I don’t have a pet either for the same reason. When you think about it, having a pet is a lot like a kid or even just a friend.” He said and she chuckled.

“How do you mean?”

“Well, we dedicate time to them and look after them. We care for them like they’re a part of our family. We learn what it likes, what it doesn’t like. We learn how it communicates with us…does that make sense? It’s like another member of our family almost.”

“Yeah.” She said and he nodded.

“So sometimes when we get busy or things change we start to look after the members of our family less. We lose touch with others and sometimes ourselves.” He explained, “And I think that this year has brought a lot of changes to you, Celeste.” She sighed, “High school is a big change. Your mom got promoted, so she’s been busier, you’re having trouble at school…a lot of things have changed and it’s normal to not feel like yourself.” He said and she pouted a bit.

“You know, it was her idea, my mom’s, to put me in guitar lessons. The band teacher shows me stuff too. I don’t need private lessons. I like them now, but at first I really hated it.” She admitted, “She was busier during the summer and I think she just signed me up to get me out of the way for a bit.” She sighed and Harry frowned, that didn’t sound like Diana.

“Do you really feel that way?” He asked and she nodded.

“She got her job and she just…disappeared. She used to pick me up every single day and we would have fun and make dinner.”

“Have you talked to her about this?”

“No. And honestly, I don’t know if she’ll listen. Even now, with this thing with Megan. It doesn’t seem like she cares. Or like the second I started getting comfortable with you she feels like she doesn’t even need to come up here and support me.” Celeste said. And almost for the rest of their time in the session Celeste just spent it venting about how alone she felt now. She had friends to spend time with, but the closeness she used to have with Diana was slowly fading and to her it seemed that Diana now cared about her job more than Celeste, which Harry knew was far from the truth, but Celeste felt the way she felt. Once again there were tears and lots of hugging the fucking cat in her lap, which with each passing second looked like it belonged here more than not. 

Harry wasn’t sure if this was just a bad day, maybe they had a disagreement, or maybe she truly had been feeling this way for a long time but he couldn’t stop hearing her say that Diana wasn’t invested in therapy with her. That wasn’t the case at all, this was their fault. Diana wasn’t up here waiting for Celeste because of what they had shared on Friday night. He shouldn’t have touched her, shouldn’t have held her. He shouldn’t have been feeling jealous over her. The one thing he was afraid of had happened and his choices drove a wedge between Celeste and Diana. When Harry went home that night with the cat he felt quite defeated.

******* Tuesday Afternoon*******

Grace was running late on picking her up, so Celeste had spent some time practicing her guitar parts for the jazz band concert. She had just received a text from Grace that she was outside so she hurried to pack her music and guitar before running to the bathroom really quick. 

She was just washing her hands when the bathroom door opened and she glanced up through the mirror she saw two of Megan’s friends coming in looking angry. She backed up as they approached her and her breathing was heavy.

“You shouldn’t have snitched on Megan.” One of the girls said and Celeste swallowed thickly, she couldn’t even speak.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, the breath was leaving her lungs and her hands started to go numb.

“We’re gonna get you back. So watch your back.” The girl hissed and she couldn’t help it as her tears started to fall. Her guitar case was leaning against the wall and one of the girls looked at it with a grin.

“No, please don’t!” Celeste begged as the girl approached it and then kicked at the center of the neck of the guitar and she gasped as she heard the wood crack loudly.

“Oh my god!”, “Let’s go!” The two girls laughed and rushed out of the bathroom as Celeste opened up her guitar case to see that the whole neck was cracked through. She felt more tears fall as she groaned in frustration. She knew this would happen!

She got it together for Grace, but Grace knew her well and she knew that Celeste had, had a bad day or she was just moody, so Grace warned Diana anyway. And when Diana got home Celeste just felt all her anger from her vent with Dr. Styles just come back fresh.

“Hi mamita! I’m home!” Diana called as she made it into the kitchen and flicked on the lights so that she could start on dinner. “I stopped by a Cinnabon on the way home!” She shouted, after Grace told her that it seemed that it hand’t been a great day for Celeste, she wanted to do a little something extra.

“Hi.” She heard the mumble behind her and she turned around to see Celeste looking through the Cinnabon bag, “Thanks.” She said and started leaving again.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Diana called after her and Celeste groaned.

“What?”

“What’s the matter?” Diana questioned.

“Nothing.”

“Doesn’t look like nothing.” Diana smiled and Celeste rolled her eyes. “Grace told me you had a bad day.”

“It wasn’t bad.”

“She said you were crying. Did those girls do something to you at school again?” She asked and Celeste shook her head but looked away, “Celeste.” Diana pressed, “How can I help if I don’t know what happened?” She asked and Celeste groaned.

“That’s the thing! You didn’t help you made everything worse!” Celeste shouted with so much rage she was panting and Diana frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“I never should have listened to you!” She shouted with exasperation and Diana frowned.

“Something else happened, didn’t it?”

“Mom-”

“I need to know, Celeste.”

“Yes! Th-they broke my guitar. But none of this would ever have happened if you wouldn’t have talked to the principal! They’re so pissed that I told on them!” She accused angrily, “And now they’re gonna pick on me even more-”

“We did the right thing, Celeste!” Diana shouted back angrily, “What more was I supposed to do? Watch them hurt you more?”

“Ughh it doesn’t even matter because I’m gonna be miserable now and it’s all your fault!” She roared, “This is all your fault! I hate you!” Celeste bellowed at Diana before storming out. 

Diana was frozen, as she felt her eyes welling up as Celeste’s stomps faded. Her hurt crawled up her throat and broke past her mouth in the sound of a sob. Her hands flew up to her face where she groaned loudly into them. She hated this. She had no idea how to fix this or what she had done wrong and she knew that the answer was not to get in a shouting match with Celeste She searched through her bag and pulled out her phone and dialed Harry’s office, she just need to talk to him. 

**********

Harry reached for his phone as it rang, alerting him of a forwarded call from his office. It rang out after a few rings and then he saw a voicemail notification and decided to just check it out. He brought the phone up to his ear as he waited for the audio to play.

“H-harry, it’s me.” He heard Dian’s voice clear as day sounding so, so defeated, “I really need to talk to you.” She sniffed, “It’s not an emergency, ummm, I’d just like to talk.” She finished and hung up. Harry sighed and threw his head back on his pillow. He started at the ceiling for a moment and shook his head before bringing his phone down and deleting the voice mail. They’d barely had any contact and it had already affected Celeste in some way.

******

Diana decided to give Celeste some time to cool off. It was nearing 10 at night when she knocked on the door and peeked her head in when a soft “what” sounded through the door.

“Cariño-”

“Mom, not now.” 

“Sweetie, we need to talk about what’s going on-”

“Why? Why now, mom?”

“Because I am worried about you!” Diana raised her voice, “I don’t know what’s going to happen to you next! And if there’s something I can do to prevent something worse-”

“Well you didn’t prevent anything! You made it worse! You meddled and now they broke my guitar and-”

“Sweetie, we can fix that quickly-”

“Yeah, so that I’m out of your hair again!”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“You just force me to do things so that you don’t have to waste your time with me anymore!”

“What? No, that’s not-”

“I don’t want to talk to you!”

“Fine!” Diana finally blew up and Celeste froze at her mom’s outburst, she had never heard her this upset. “You think I don’t care? That I just make everything worse? How’s this for worse? You’re grounded - phone and laptop handed over at 10:30pm until I decide. No friends over, even to study. And you are earning back the money it costs to fix that guitar.”

“What? Mom-”

“I have sacrificed my entire life for you because I love you. Even now, when you’re acting like a spoiled brat I don’t regret what I’ve done for you. But if you think I make everything worse, fine. Solve your own problems from here on out, because if you’re going to be ungrateful when I just want to help then I won’t help! I am done.” Diana seethed before storming out of Celeste’s room and slamming her door behind her hard. She was completely at a loss and she had no idea what she was going to do next. She laid in her bed, staring at the ceiling, willing sleep to come, but it wasn’t. Suddenly her phone started to ring and she glanced to it on her bedside table, she didn’t have the number saved in her phone but she picked it up anyway.

“Hello?” She whispered and then heard a sharp exhale over the line.

“Hi.” Harry’s voice came through the receiver and it made her skin come to life, “You called earlier?” His deep voice practically vibrated through the receiver.

“Yeah, it’s just…Celeste and I fought and I had a moment of weakness. Wanted to know what you had talked about last session.” She sighed, “It was a reach. I shouldn’t have done that.” She apologized.

“It’s alright. Are you alright?” He asked and she sniffled.

“Yeah, just…bummed. I lost my temper in the end and just went off on the poor thing.” She said and he frowned, “They broke her guitar today from telling on that other girl, Megan. She said it’s my fault.”

“Oh my god.” He said and Diana sighed.

“Yeah. I’ll let her talk to you about it next week, but just know it’s been rough.” She explained.

“Yeah, of course.” He assured. There was some silence before Diana spoke again.

“I ummm…I think I saw you the other day. Well it was Saturday at the farmer’s market?” She changed the subject and he bit his lip.

“Yeah? I was there in the morning.” He confirmed.

“Yeah. I thought I saw you loading your groceries.” She smiled as she recalled, “In a little yellow hat?” She asked and Harry grinned.

“Probably did. Sounds like me.” He said and she hummed. There was a short pause of silence before he asked his next question. “Why didn’t you come up yesterday with Celeste?” He inquired.

“I didn’t think you’d want that after everything we talked about Friday. Where we left things off.” Diana reminded.

“Right…I know.” He sighed and she smiled lightly. She felt it was hard to stay away from him too. “Want to know something?”

“Sure.” She responded quietly.

“My girlfriend? She was cheating on me, with Eddie.” He said and Diana sat up from her bed in shock.

“Oh my god…that’s insane! I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” She asked with concern.

“Yeah, I’m alright. We just…we’d both been searching for reasons to stay and ummm…our goals didn’t align from the start. We’ve been on two different pages, two different books even, for most of our time together apparently, so she found someone who was more in tune with what she wants.” He explained and Diana hummed.

“So you’re at peace with it?”

“More than I thought I’d be.” He stated with a chuckle.

“Can I tell you something?” She asked.

“Yeah, of course.” He replied, inviting her to keep talking.

“I…went on a date.” She said and he chuckled, ignoring the hurt in his chest.

“You wanted to tell me that?”

“Not necessarily you, just someone. I told Celeste afterwards on Saturday.” Suddenly everything started clicking about Celeste not being happy about Diana barely having any time for her. It worried her that Diana dating again would change everything between them, “I haven’t had the chance to chat about it with anyone.”

“And why me?”

“Because we’re not anything and you can be objective with me.”

“Not anything, huh?” He asked with a twinge of hurt in his chest, though his tone was playful.

“You know what I mean, Harry.” She sighed, feeling bad.

“Alright, what needs objectivity?”

“Just whether this is a good idea or not. On one hand I see how it can be. I hardly have a social life, I haven’t dated anyone in like two years…that was the last time I accepted an invitation from someone if I’m recalling correctly? And I mean, it could be good for me to…put myself out there. To have friends that aren’t Grace and my teenage daughter, or her buddies. It would be nice to have some company or to feel cared for in a non-platonic way. I mean, there’s tons of pros. But on the other hand I mean, there’s my job. It’s time-consuming, and Celeste…she’s dealing with so much and I want to be there for her first and foremost. Her wellbeing and happiness are my priority. So I’m nervous about introducing her to a partner and about changing our dynamic, it’s just been us two for so long…what if she thinks that I’m not happy with just us? Or what if she feels excluded?” she sighed in concern.

“Yeah, I hear you. But I reckon the right person would also consider and care for your child. It could be one of those situation where you introduce your partner as a friend first and work your way up?” He suggested.

“She’d see that coming a mile off… friend who stays the night?” She asked with a giggle and Harry giggled as well.

“Oh! So that’s the kind of thing you’re looking for.” Harry teased and she went all hot in the face, “You’re a cheeky little thing.” He teased.

“Oh my god…” she sighed.

“Hey, it’s OK, I’m not judging, but yeah maybe that would make things tricky with Celeste.” He chuckled.

“Yeah, it’s just at whatever point that happens at, it’s gonna be odd and a little uncomfortable.” She explained and Harry agreed.

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you, Diana… Objectively speaking? I mean, I think you’ll just need to be a nun from now on.” He joked.

“Oh god…” she giggled and he smiled, “So you’re really OK?” She asked after some moments of silence.

“Yeah, more than.” He was gonna take a risk, “So much so that as I laid in bed after Rebecca and I broke up, all I could think about was cherries.” He said and she felt her mouth go dry.

“Cherries?” She asked and he hummed.

“Mmmm, from your perfume. I could smell it on the jacket I was wearing and the scent just stuck itself in my mind until I went to bed. Was thinking about you, hoping that I didn’t hurt your feelings again.”

“You didn’t. I get it.” She said and Harry sighed, “Why are we acting like this is such a big deal? We hardly even know each other, Harry. Think about it. This is not a problem on its own, we’re making it a problem.” She said and he sighed. In a way that was true, they were freaking out because they found each other physically attractive. “Our best friends are in a relationship, we’re gonna see each other every now and again so how about we just reserve our non-shop talk to when we all hang out? I’m sure it won’t be often, at most once a month right? For the escape room?”

“Oh, so you are gonna join us?” He asked excitedly.

“Well yeah, I feel a bit obligated now that I know you’re a player short.” She reasoned and Harry winced playfully.

“Ouch!” He said through the line with a chuckle.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize I was…don’t laugh at me.” She scolded in some embarrassment as she heard him laughing, “I truly was thinking about it in terms of the group. I’m sorry, Harry.” She assured as his laughter died down.

“I know. Just messing with you.” He confirmed and she felt a slight weight lifted off of her shoulders.

“OK, good.” She smiled as she stared at the ceiling, “You smell good too, by the way.” She spoke up softly and Harry smiled.

“Yeah?”

“Mmm-hm.” She confirmed with a bashful smile on her face. She was envisioning the feeling of his warmth wrapped around her like on Friday night. She wanted to be near him, to feel him hold her again, to feel safe in someone’s arms, a feeling she hadn’t had in ages.

“So this guy you’ve been dating…”

“It was one date, the farmer’s market. We’re gonna go out again this week I think. It’s new and I don’t know… I’m nervous.”

“About?”

“All of it.” She giggled.

“Well do you…like him?”

“He’s nice.”

“So no.” he chuckled and she laughed.

“I didn’t say that. I’m just getting used to the idea of liking him.”

“That didn’t sound any better.” He assured with a grin and she groaned.

“You’ve got my head all mixed up.” She chuckled breathily.

“What? How? I’m just interpreting what you’re saying.” He chuckled.

“By saying things about…cherries and my feelings and just stuff like that…” she said and he smiled.

“Mmmm, I see. Sorry.” He apologized, “S’kinda hard to forget though.”

“Yeah.” She admitted, mentally willing herself to recall the feeling of his body encasing hers. 

“You said earlier that Celeste was your priority.” He said seemingly changing the subject.

“Yeah, she is.”

“So if you have 3 main priorities where are you on that list, Diana?” Harry asked and she grinned.

“Are you trying to therapize me?” She asked with a grin.

“No, it’s a serious question. The fact that you’re thinking about it is not a great sign, by the way.” He said with a smile and she sighed.

“Well, I can say with certainty that I’m in the top 5 priorities.” She laughed quietly and he hummed.

“I mean, it’s not uncommon for people to do that, don’t worry. I do it sometimes too. And I mean, I can’t pretend to fully understand what having a child is like, but I do know that for many adults with children it’s like they put themselves on the back burner until their kid turns 18, which is horrifying. And I mean, how is your kid supposed to learn balance if you’re not modeling that for them? Like when is the last time Celeste got to see you choose yourself and do something for you?” He asked and she couldn’t even come up with something.

“I don’t know, honestly.” She confessed.

“See that’s not good. I know you have many things to consider as you make choices, but every now and again throw something in there for you, you know? Something that’ll make you feel happy. Whether it’s dating or committing to the escape room thing-”

“Or talking on the phone with non-friends about friend things…” she added and he smiled.

“Exactly.” He agreed.

“Yeah, I will try…” she sighed. “Can I tell you something else?” She asked softly after a long moment of silence.

“Yeah. Tell me.” He responded as he stared at his ceiling.

“W-when you grabbed me, around my waist? On Friday?” She brought up nervously, “I haven’t been held like that in years. It was really nice and I’ve missed it. It’s what…prompted me to say yes to Gabe. I want that again.” She explained. Of course, leaving out that she kind of wanted more of that with him, but that wasn’t possible, so she needed to try with someone else.

“Even though you don’t like him like that?” Harry asked and she closed her eyes with a slight pout on her face.

“Well what else was I supposed to do?” She asked softly.

“I don’t know, but you did the right thing.” He said and she sighed. “Don’t get me wrong, I-I liked holding you. I liked how your body fit against mine. I liked smelling your perfume on my jacket for the rest of the time after and I-”

“Harry-” she interrupted.

“You can’t tell me that wasn’t seared into your brain for days after.” He interrupted her and she sighed.

“Of course it was, but-”

“So why are you calling and telling me about your dates? Why are you doing this?” He questioned with some hurt lacing into his tone and she sighed.

“Because I need you to know that I’m fucking trying!” She whisper-shouted, “I’m trying to do the right thing and not dwell on whatever weird tension or attraction exists between us. Even if…talking to you makes me happy.”

“Diana-”

“I can’t come first. Not this time, Harry. So don’t flirt with me or…touch me or talk to me about my perfume lingering on your clothes. Please.” She swallowed thickly and he nodded.

“OK.” He responded quietly, “Notice I didn’t apologize for it though.” He said and she smiled.

“I noticed.” She assured.

“Good. Just as long as it prompted you to do something for yourself, I don’t care. You deserve it.” He said softly.

“Thank you, Harry.” She hummed, “And thanks for even calling me back.”

“Yeah, of course.” He assured and she exhaled.

“Good night, Harry.” 

“G’night.” He responded before the line went dead. Diana suddenly felt so empty and defeated as she stared at her ceiling. She had hoped that speaking with Harry had brought some clarity but all it did was confuse her even more.

-

This is Wesley Beniot - Celeste's dad, Diana's Ex:

----- Tag List ----

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[keefwho]

August 08 - 2024 Thursday

10:52pm

5/10

I recovered today, I think I got everything out of my system yesterday. The problems still persist but at least I'm in a state to address them now.

Today was mostly the usual. We watched the Rugrats Paris movie on stream and it was very good. I started very late so I finished at lunch time. I wasn't very hungry for some reason so I just made a little soup. In the afternoon I had a bit of fun talking to people in VRchat while I worked, there were some interesting people. I got an icon and banner made for my book club group and worked on an idea of me and DS. Then I worked some more on my pony avatar but it's going slower than I'd like.

TK and I were supposed to hang out today, I told her I'd be chillin while I worked and she offered we go to this art gallery event when I was done working. But she did some shrooms and couldn't hang out anymore which kinda bummed me out because I need the socialization. I went to the art thing anyways and met this very nice lady who showed me her stuff and told me about the art group and actually asked about me a lot too. She was high apparently. I left to make dinner.

DS and I didn't have much time tonight and she will be out this weekend with her friends. I am happy for her but I will also miss her, as usual I was hoping to drink or something in VR or do other fun stuff. And for some reason I felt really mushy and poetic this evening, I even spent the night writing a poem.

I was lonely today and being ditched didn't help. Talking with strangers doesn't help much either. But I am dysfunctional, I struggle to feel seen in the presence of others almost all the time. Even people who are close with me. So the good news is that it is on my end and I can change it with enough effort.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary214

4/16-17/2024

tuesday - wednesday

feeling better today.

and still feeling better little bit by bit. i did something kinda dumb and jumped on buying a new laptop this morning and then decided, not that one, another one that's from acer instead of lenovo cuz i don't want something made too badly, i suppose. so now i am waiting on that cancellation to go thru, get my money back, and then by this other one that should be better than the lenovo thing. the only thing that had going for it was that it had like 24 gb of ram + 2 tb ssd, and that's maybe whatever, basically i know i need at least 16 + 1 tb, this thing i have doesn't even have an ssd and the it's 12gb of ram, the cpu is is like, from 2016, this new one would be like a 2023 cpu, it'd just be an upgrade in such a serious way, almost entirely i think. it'd be very nice and honestly? i am just thinking about all the stickers i have collected that i have been waiting to put on a laptop. i am so freaking excited about that... there's this sticker i have of a stuffed animal bear with its guts out, there's this sticker of cute cherubim flying around and it's shiny... there's a bunch of others... there's a yume nikki sticker. like omg... it will be soooo cute. cuter than this one, which is still cute. but not way cute. if i have a cute machine... i'll at least feel 10% cuter daily and that'll make me a little less crazy maybe.

anyway, today i made a new guitar tone for some of the problem songs and i think it's maybe basically perfect, so i'll see about that later i gueszzszss, i wanna listen tomorrow instead of immediately after exporting, in album context, just to see how it all comes off and maybe tomorrow will be good for vocals too. we'll see. i go in at 6 so i have time...

i hope, at least. i could waste it all. maybe this order cancellation will go badly but it's not like the order really had the chance to process fully. so it should be okay, i imagine.

listening to this now. conqueror is a good record i need to go back to it.

god now i am listening to this:

when i was in highschool, this was like, one of the most important songs ever, to me, between all the fucked up screamo stuff, weird electronic music, industrial stuff, there was this thing, it weighed on me more than any gy!be song, this felt like, i dunno, it puts me in a state of incoherence but i'll try to speak it, it was that kind of feeling you get, i knew i was headed into a future of some kind, it was really violently hitting me at various points, but especially senior year i think, the skull-cap of life had been opened up, and there was just this new firmament visible from the interior, i was caught in there staring out, the bone-white rim and black sky, a whole nothing arriving, a monstrous tide, and i understood it, and was part of it, i was bound for it, it's not like, death, it really was the dimness of the possible, where no light is because it is undifferentiated, that sort of yawning void crawled into me, and i felt the weight of the world and felt much of it as a kind of waste, cheapness surrounding me, you feel this lovely and swelling thing in those moments which are cheap, minor, standing in parking lots under cloudy skies, waiting for the bus to come take you home, stuff like that.

wow, you can see my old comment from 7 years ago on that. i feel so dumb seeing myself online but there's something sweet about that i guess, so like, whatevs.

how strange it is to see myself. it makes me kind of sad i guess. i am the thing i always was which is what i want to be. but i wonder if that means there's something wrong or whatever.

because i had to run to work, i could not read. tomorrow i need to and also i need to read some of that hito steyerl book tomorrow. it's like, good to read those kinds of essays. i read an essay tonight also,

this was interesting . i guess one thought not against but questioning it, is wonder if maybe the borderline experience is, while an expression of need for ways out, desire for revolt, and efforts toward that, if it still emerges from/in response to and so somewhat crafted by an apparatus of individualizing disciplines? i don't know. i know that in many ways, this analysis here is right, it is a response and expression of this need for a way out, and i don't want to say it's like, a 'condition' of useless thrashing, i don't think it is, but i do think that maybe it's helpful to imagine it as the need and desire for revolt expressed, rather than the revolt itself. instantiations of the need and drives, maybe even tiny mobilizations of those things, but i guess here what i am responding to is the sense that it is 'one,' not in a one of many way, but the response, an almost ideal one, when in truth i don't really want to foreclose on any potentiality, but i don't think the author here is doing that, i just tend to see that in things i guess because i am a freak or something.

it's hard to have too many thoughts on it, but i do like it, i also need to get to another essay i saw on that ill will website, about ecofascism i think.

anyway i need to sleep now, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!

[nathank77]

3/23/24

4:08 p.m Updated and Edited

Today I woke up at 3:40 p.m. I took only a chunky half at the start of my night. I took it at 5:25 a.m and my eyes got so heavy by 6:25 I skipped using mouth wash. I time when i use it. You should brush and let the fluoride set in for 30 minutes and then use mouth wash. That's something I learned from chrest whitening strips.

Anyways, I woke up at 10:40 a.m with a full bladder. I tried like hell to ignore it. However it got to the point that I knew I was sabotaging myself. So I got up and peed. I laid back down. My stomach hurt... and I couldn't fall back to sleep for 15 minutes. I didn't have any mental pictures. Mental pictures that randomly pop are how I know I'm falling asleep I know that sounds weird, but they randomly pop and it's all kinds of things. And once they are in motion I know I'm about to get put down.

I try not to make the mental images as I can make an elephant right now squirt water out of his trunk. I try to have them happen naturally and randomly cause when I make them it doesn't seem to work in terms of passing back out. I also try to think of my last dream or other dreams I had and I remember vividly as that helps a little.When I lay there with my eyes closed I just listen to American dad or whatever.

So after 15 minutes I decided to pop a Benadryl. Just 1 Benadryl... they are at every store in America almost and you may have a cap of how many bottles you can buy a day at say Walmart. You can't buy like thousands at one place... I think anyways. But if you needed thousands, you could go to Walmart, cvs, walgreens, target, stop and shop and buy like 200-300 pills. So I figured to make sure I got more than 4 hours of sleep, it was worth it.

I didn't touch the hydroxyzine. It's not a controlled substance but it's a prescription and I'd like to stock up and only touch it when I really need it.

I'm disappointed that I couldn't ignore needing to pee. I'm even more disappointed that I have/had to resort to more drugs to fall back asleep...

If i had woken up at like 12-2 I would have not take the Benadryl... even if I hadn't gotten my 7 hours as it will knock me out longer and I'm trying to make sure my half doses stay effective...

Today marks 3 days on the half doses knocking me out without any other drugs... I HATE that I had to take the Benadryl 4 hours later.. but it's whatever I got to sleep. I especially had to today cause I was supposed to be going to my dad's house for Lori's Birthday..

When I woke up at 1040 skye was like trying to chase me down and I was like I can't talk, I kept my eyes closed as I walked down the hallway and as I peeded. I try very hard to not lose the ability to fall back to sleep... either way she said dad needs us to be there by 430 and no later...I said okay..

And by the time I woke up it was 340 and Skye was already on her way... I assumed skye was being a bitch cause maybe she wanted to leave earlier, later tonight or something but come to find out some of our family would be there and they didn't want to wait around... it def makes me feel better about skye.. not so much dad. Just schedule it at 5 or 5:30...

I told him my circadian rhythm is fucked up and getting my 7 hours is critical to my recovery and just my ability to function... and beyond that I told them I was on benzos not sedative hypnotics and that's why I can't fix my circadian rhythm or take the drug at a normal person sleeping time. Either way I'm not going now. I'm upset but I guess I get to stay in the house for 2 days and not do much of anything. My body needs it...

Anyways I had a series of dreams but one of them was very distinct... I was in prison working in the prison and we had to go to this underground part with lots of hallways and it went on for miles, we had to dig out the hallways or something but we were exposed to toxic gas and had to wear these face mask breathing things... I barely wore mine, I often was standing near the two guys I was with and I realized I didn't have my mask on and I would put it back on but nonetheless not too long after it wasn't on anymore...

I remember going deeper and deeper with these 2 other guys... as we dug it out and revealed many long hallways... I believe we were using night vision...

The weird part about it is, we traveled from our prison to the underground one on a roller coaster... there have been a lot of roller coasters in my dreams recently.. a lot a lot.... I assume it is symbolic of being stuck on this ride of psychosis and having no choice but to finish it until it ends. I dreamt about meeting a girl at this mall/college who liked me and we hit it off two nights ago... and we had to take a roller coaster in our college/mall to get to a certain floor and I got off at an earlier stop cause I was scared and didn't want to go the whole way..

Either way back to the important dream, we road in on a roller coaster and I remember the deeper we got in that prison as we found our way back I was like where I am when I looked at the roller coaster and the guys were like this is how we got down here....

Also I noticed that despite the fact that we came down with an entire crew, me and the 2 other guys were the only people working....

Another key factor was the prison lied and told us we were clearing it out for paranormal investigators.. when I was alone with the two other boys I said I don't think this is haunted and one of them, "no duh" and the other said, "the prison system is over crowded, people are actually going to have to live here and we could be forced to be enprisoned underground once they fix the toxic air quality issue."

When we went back to the roller coaster once again I was confused as to where we were and they said the entrance. Everyone was sitting at table benches in what was like a lunch room. other than us 3. There were prob 20 people sitting there. There was a woman above us in what looked like a baseball field but it was the only part of the prison that showed grass and had natural light.. the only window per say. Like an above sky light.

And I guess we all started talking about how we might end up living in the underground prison... and the woman above screamed this out in terror, "when I'm down there, I forget my name!" The dream ended there.

I know why I dreamed it, I know why she was the end of it... it was about the psych ward again... being trapped. Losing your personhood there. You know I walked around shirtless exposing my trans identity the entire time I was at the psych ward cause they couldn't take my scars away from me. I felt like I was a number and no longer a person.

If somehow they got me to stay at an institution long term, I would have turned into a zombie and forgotten my name.

I mentioned I dream often of roller coasters.. I always get off the ride and I'm okay, whether I get off them early or when I'm supposed to... I really think it's symbolic of being stuck on this ride of psychosis... in the other dream I had there were like multiple floors to get to mine in this mall/college and I got off at the first stop cause I was scared...in this prison dream there were only two stops one at the bottom and one at the top and we were being forced to be down there..

Also I guess I'll go back over ptsd:

1) I have flashbacks constantly. Everyday.

2) I have insomnia but obv psychosis triggered it without my weed... but nonetheless I have found ways to make living/sleeping with this auditory hallucination more copable... its it is easier and actually possible to sleep with drugs but I can't sleep without them, and TV at a certain volume. Etc.. I do have sleep disturbances. I wake myself up talking now..... legit saying full sentences... I wake up frequently. I can't stay asleep for more than 3 or 4 hours... when i used to stay asleep for like 5-8 hours straight sometimes 10... I've been falling asleep quickly recently that's why I want to kick myself for taking Benadryl... but it's whatever. I got 8 hours and feel great. And I didn't take it at the same time... hopefully it doesn't fuck anything up. Also I could pee back in the day and pass right back out...

Either way i have sleep disturbances.

3) lastly repeated dreams of the event. I may not qualify for really having ptsd... but the symptom list grows. The reoccurring dreams of me sliding down that hill with water with the Marijuana plant at top which is clearly symbolic of weed being why I'm at rock bottom. As well as psych ward dreams. Roller coasters to locations where I lose control. I'm never scared. However I always know I'm stuck. And can't get out.. the prison was a psych ward. Even though it wasn't.

[officiallyjm]

Zaria

It was a Friday morning and normally I don't wake up this early but I have work tonight and I feel like it's better to start my day off right. My alarm sounded, and I immediately became annoyed so I just decided to get up anyway because I have a breakfast date with Jimin. I honestly forgot about him, because this week has been so hectic but nevertheless, I have to get ready to see the bestie. I really need to check the weather outside so I can be prepared for today, actually, scratch that I need to call Jimin so I can figure out what to wear.

"Hey Siri FaceTime jay bae" rinnggggg .......ringggg ........ Ringgggg........

"Hello," said Jimin.

"Hey, babes!!! I called you to figure out what to wear for our breakfast date this morning," I exclaimed.

"I am wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, with a white shirt, my black jean jacket, and my click clacks," Jimin explained while driving to my house.

"Okay, sounds great, I think I'll match with you. Are you on the way over here now? Cause I haven't showered yet and you know it takes me a long time to get ready," I said in a frustrated manner.

"Yeah I'm on the way, you should have woken up sooner because we have had this planned for two weeks so there's no excuse for you to not be ready," Jimin exclaimed.

"Well I guess you're right, Can't you wait for me? You are the king of running late, but when I do it there's a problem," I semi-yelled with a bit of annoyance hidden in my voice.

" Zaria watch how you talk to daddy you know I don't like it when you talk back. You wouldn't want to walk into work wobbling like you did last Friday, do you?" He questioned while having the biggest smirk on his face.

" Wanna bet? I'll see you later Daddy or should I say shortie?" I say while laughing and hanging up in Jimin's face so I can go and get ready.

I turned the shower on so that by the time I picked out my clothes the water would be hot. I walked into my closet and turned the light on hoping that I could find something in a timely manner. What I saw shocked me because I don't remember the last time I actually cleaned my closet. There were clothes and shoes everywhere and I didn't have much time to look for anything because Jimin would be arriving in 15 minutes.

I looked to the right of me and saw an orange crop top and I looked to the left of me and saw some tan cargo pants and my orange Converse. I need to hop in the shower so that I can do my skincare really quickly because I haven't washed my face in days.

                                                        #

"I hope he gets stuck in traffic or something because I know when he sees that I'm not ready he's gonna kill me," I laughed to myself. I was doing my skincare and I heard banging at the door and it startled me, causing me to drop my niacinamide in the sink. After I picked that up and screwed the top on it, I slowly walked down the stairs to get to the front door and looked out the peephole to see Jimin standing there with flowers in his hand.

"Awe are these for me?"I asked while grabbing the flowers and allowing him to come inside so I could close and lock the front door.

"Of course, they are what other brat am I supposed to give these flowers to? And what was all that stuff that you were talking about on the phone?"Jimin teased as he gripped my waist.

"Well I guess you have a point there but I need to finish getting ready for our date, you can come in the bathroom with me. That was my Gemini sister Monica talking on the phone, please forgive her for her behavior," I beg as I drag him towards the bathroom.

"Okay fine just make it quick, we have a reservation for 11:00 and it's 10:38 right now. And don't let that little incident happen again because you almost brought the Libra out of me," he winked at me as he positioned himself on the sink.

Okay", I said smiling, while brushing my edges and fixing the bun on top of my head.

                                                       #

"Jimin, I truly enjoyed myself today. With the rough week I've been having, I needed this break. I love that I always have a friend like you that always has my back," I say while trying to wipe the stray tears away from my now watery eyes.

"Hey, hey, hey look at me, don't ever let me see you cry again. You're too beautiful to be crying, you know that I will always be here for you sunshine. No one and I mean no one can break us apart, our friendship will forever be solid," Jimin explained to me while pulling me into a warm comforting hug. He knew how I grew up and just seeing me achieve so much in my life made him even more proud of me.

"Okay sorry about that I don't know why I got so emotional right then, anyway I unfortunately have to get ready for work tonight. I'm kind of dreading it but knowing you'll be there eases me somewhat. Thank you so much for today, I haven't had this much fun in ages," I said pulling away from the hug, and then they started walking up to my doorstep with Jimin slowly following behind me like a lost puppy.

"Like I said it's no problem but I know you have to get ready for work so I'll see you later baby girl. And you know you can always text or call me if you need me at any time," he said. He kissed my forehead and walked back to his car while waiting for me to walk into the apartment building.

I waved goodbye and dropped everything by the door so I could start rushing to get ready for an eventful night at work. "Okay so all I need to do is run a bath and pick my clothes out and I need to call and check up on the girls to see how they're feeling." I thought to myself as I scrambled to get ready for work.

                                                     #

I think I'm going to call the girls and let them know that I'm on my way to hell.

" Incoming call from Gia," said Siri. I pressed the answer button as I was adding the lip liner to my lips using the car mirror so I could see.

"Well, I guess they beat me to it," I thought to myself as I answered the call.

"Hey girls," I said to Gia and Xiley while letting the car warm up because I haven't driven it in a while and I definitely do not want engine problems because I didn't let my car warm up.

" What are you doing? Are you on your way to work?" They asked as I was getting ready to pull out of the driveway. I was trying to check my work bag to make sure that I had everything in there because with this job I need to be prepared for any type of situation.

"Yeah I'm pulling out of the driveway now, I'll just be a little early today because I'm leaving early instead of late like you Gia,"I explained as I was shifting my gear to drive.

"Are any of y'all at work yet 'cause I don't want to be there by myself, especially on a Friday night?" I said as I was cruising down the road with the windows down enjoying the city air that I was breathing in.

"Yeah I'm here Zaria and it is a little busy but it's nothing that the great trio can't handle," Xiley exclaimed.

"Okay well I'm about 5 minutes away from the club so I'll see y'all in a bit," I said while taking deep breaths. I'm still confused as to why I chose to work in a club knowing I hate this type of scenery.

Maybe it's because of the good pay or maybe I actually enjoy serving some of the nice customers that come through those doors. All of those maybe's are uncertain, what I do know is that if my friends weren't working alongside me then I'd probably find a job that I actually enjoy and that I am more comfortable at.

"Hello and thank you," I said to the bouncer as he opened the club door for me. I'm not really ready but it's a Friday night and the club is always packed during the weekend.

I am kinda introverted so the club isn't really my type of scene, but when we have the right staff working and we have our regular customers I feel really comfortable. I'm kinda here early but that gives me time to prep the bar before the club gets really packed.

"Hey girl, what time did you get here?" I said to Xiley as I was putting my belongings in one of the lockers.

"Hey girl I got here maybe 15 minutes before you got here and girl let me tell you it's some fine men here tonight," she said as she was getting ready to go back out onto the floor.

"Yeah, girl I'll believe it when I see it you know we mainly get regulars and we get newcomers on rare occasions," I say as I was twisting the dial on the lock to ensure that one would be able to get into my locker while I was gone.

"You'll be surprised," she said as she walked back into the club to start serving bottles to people in the VIP room and to people that were on the dance floor. I highly doubt that anyone in this club tonight is actually good-looking tonight but why do I care?

I'm just here to make money so I can go home. As I approach the door I look at the schedule for the night on the right side of the door and I look to see that I am working in the regular part of the club tonight. This isn't great for me because that means less money that can go to my paint supplies, but it's okay because I do work in the VIP lounge sometimes.

Welp, I guess it's time for me to go and prep my station so that I won't have to run back and forth between the storage room and the bar to refill the alcohol bottles when rush hour comes.

"Ugh, these bottles are so heavy idk why I carried all of them at once," I say while walking to the bar area. I placed a tray of alcohol on the bar and then BOOM. "Owww," I said as I rubbed my head while sitting on the ground trying to figure out what happened. I tried standing up but I saw a hand reach out so of course I took it.

"Sorry about that Zaria, I truly didn't see you standing right there," said Joe with a smirk on his face as he was helping me up.

"It's fine," I said while dusting myself off and adjusting my top.

"I'm kinda glad I ran into you because I really need you to work the red room tonight," he said while looking at my cleavage and licking his lips.

"Ummm where's your favorite bartender Jennie? Did she not show up today as usual or did you tell her that she could be 2 or 3 hours late for her shift?" I said, crossing my arms because this is not out of the ordinary for them, sometimes I swear they have something going on.

He really pisses me off because favoritism is crazy, if me, Gia, and Xiley pulled the stunts she did we would be fired.

"You're lucky I'm in a good mood tonight because if not you would be fired, but to answer your question I don't know where she is but that doesn't matter. I need you to be the bartender for the night whether you like it or not. So go and prep the bar downstairs and stop fucking complaining and do the job that you're barely good at," he said while walking away from me in a hurry.

Xiley walked up to me and I told her about the conversation between me and Joe. I asked her to work with me in the red room because Jennie hadn't come in for her shift yet and we needed a bottle girl downstairs. Plus I didn't want to be alone with all of those men.

I know this nigga did not insult my work ethic and then proceed to sit here and talk to me like I'm a child. I swear I can't stand this job, at this point either I'm gonna cuss his ass out or I'm gonna go outside and take a breather.

Let's weigh my options if I cuss him out I'm going to be fired and I probably won't be hired at any other club in this vicinity. Or I can choose option B and still have a job, ...... sigh....... I think I need to take a breather before I lose my shit.

I grabbed my jacket and walked outside of the club I don't know if it was the cold air or if reality just struck but I couldn't help but cry. Damn, I need to stop being so emotional all the time I think as I slouch to sit on the stairs that's on the side of the club.

"What's wrong beautiful?" The deep voice asked as he closed the door to come and sit down beside me.

"Hi sorry to disturb you, I was just getting ready to leave," I said standing up quickly and adjusting my jacket getting ready to leave.

"Waitt, I didn't mean to scare you, I just wanted to explore the club and I stumbled upon this door and I heard a woman crying so I wanted to check it out," the mysterious man said, grabbing my wrist to prevent me from leaving.

" You didn't scare me, I was just startled that's all, and thank you for checking up on me but I should be leaving," I said as I pulled away from him. As I opened the door I turned around to get a glance at the mysterious man and he was one of the most beautiful men that I had ever seen. I mean besides Jimin of course, but something about this man is so addictive.

"Okay good and no problem sweetheart. I'll let you go but I do have a request, come join me and my friends in the paradise lounge," he said to her wanting to see her face again after their little meetup.

"What a coincidence, I'm bartending for that part of the club tonight so you will definitely see me again Mr," I said, teasing him while biting my lip.

"That's great I'm looking forward to seeing you," the man said while holding the door open for her.

"Okay, I'll see you then, and by the way what's your name again I don't remember catching it," I ask out of curiosity while thinking about all of the nasty things that he could do to me.

" The name is Namjoon and what's yours, beautiful lady?" Namjoon asks while glancing me up and down to look at my attire.

"My name is Zaria and I have to go Namjoon but we'll talk soon," I say while winking at him and strutting away, making sure to add a little extra oomph to my walk.

                                                         #

"Hi, what can I get you tonight?" I asked the gentleman as I was speaking over the loud music in the lower part of the club.

"Umm I'll just take 3 shots of tequila and 1 bloody mary," the man said while trying his hardest not to laugh. By the looks of it I could tell that he was already tipsy on the verge of being drunk but I mean hey what other reason would you come to a club?

"That'll be $76 even sir," I say smiling as I pour the shots of tequila into the shot glasses. Once I finished those I started working on the bloody mary which was pretty simple to make. All I need is vodka, tomato juice, salt and pepper, hot sauce, Worcestershire sauce, and two olives to place on top.

I like how I'm the worst bartender but I managed to finish everything in under 1 minute. I would love to see Jennie do something like this but she's never at work or if she is at work she's never actually working. She only flirts with all of the customers and seduces them just so she can fill her pockets, if anything she's the club's personal hoe.

"Okay here you are sir, I gave you one extra shot of tequila because you spent so much money," I say, placing the drinks down in front of them on the table. I slowly raised back up and I happened to look up at the men sitting right in front of me.

I don't think I have ever seen this many fine men ever in my life, all of them are giving me cold gazes. Which makes me want to crawl into a hole and bury myself, but then I see Namjoon. He was the man that I talked to outside, he looks 10 times better in the light, he wasn't ugly at first but he's damn sure not ugly now.

And then I look to the right of him and I see the man who ordered the drinks at the bar and he looks good as well. In my opinion he doesn't look as good as Namjoon but he looks very good. And then I look to the right of him and I see this fine man, he has tattoos and piercings and he looks kinda grungy. Collectively these men are fine as fuck but I need to get my thoughts together if I'm going to get through the rest of the night.

" Thanks, sweetheart, that was very generous of you, and here's $200 keep the change," the man in the middle said as he was handing me the money. I took the money and thanked all of them for the generous tip. The night was going pretty well, I enjoyed hanging out in paradise with the guys, we didn't interact much but when we did it was pretty chill.

At that point in time, it's like 11:00 at night and I haven't seen Gia or that bitch Jennie in a while, knowing Gia she probably left. And as far as the bitch Jennie, I haven't seen her yet but I'm not complaining.

If she was down here she would have been in all of their faces when her ugly ass is supposed to be behind the bar serving them. I was deep in thought when I heard some footsteps make their way down the stairs. I was cleaning the bar and I looked behind me to see who it was.

"Hi babes," a familiar voice says coming from behind me meaning they are waiting at the bar to order a drink I guess. I slowly turn around and to my surprise I see Jimin standing there wearing a bright red leather jacket, a black shirt, black ripped jeans, and his specialty, the click clacks.

"Jimin," I screamed, throwing the cleaning rag down onto the counter. I ran around the bar to run and jump on him, I knew I had seen him earlier but I missed him so much.

"It seems like someone really missed me," he said while holding me in his arms. I always enjoy seeing him but I heard something in the background that made me try to squirm away from him.

He placed me back on the ground and I turned around to see that gremlin Jennie, she was walking towards my direction. Truth be told, if she says anything to me I'm going to walk out and leave because if I fight her I am going to get fired.

"Why are you on him like that? Why are you working down here with these beautiful men? When you should be up there with those peasants like yourself,"she says to me while looking at Jimin up and down, making me and him uncomfortable.

"Jimin if you don't grab me in the next second I'm going to pounce on this bitch," I say as I'm rolling my sleeves up and moving my septum piercing to the side. I ran at full speed straight for her, I said I wasn't going to fight today but the universe had different plans. Luckily Jimin caught me and was holding me back.

"Zaria go home you don't want to lose your job and don't worry about her she's nothing special," Jimin whispers in my ear as he's trying to calm me down. I don't say a word to him, I go behind the bar grab my jacket, keys, and purse, I look towards the guys and make my way over there because I owe them an apology.

"Hey, I'm sorry about tonight, I'm going home before I beat a bitch ass. It was fun hanging with y'all, I hope to see y'all soon," I say as I walk in the direction of the Jimin.

"Goodnight Zaria and don't worry about it, you're still the coolest bartender we've ever had," they say in unison. I smile to myself thinking maybe they aren't so bad after all.

"Hey Chim I'm leaving I'll text you when I get home, see you tomorrow," I whisper and kiss his cheek as I make my way up the stairs so I can leave this hell.

"Oh and Jennie, next time you should show up for your shift on time so someone won't have to fill in for you. I guess that doesn't make a difference though because it's not like you actually work while you're here anyway," I say with a hint of malice hidden in my voice.

"See you later babes," I hear him saying knowing that he's worried about me.

[risingsoleil]

Doing a follow-up based on @rhaenyraza's comment

When Kang and Areum bent their elements for the first time, Linzin was absolutely ecstatic. Lin was on the brink of accepting that her youngest may be nonbenders and that she wouldn't love them any less, and boom! She has another earth and airbender.

Tenzin almost created a hurricane bc he was so happy that his baby baby girl. He felt like he had a complete duo, a son and daughter airbender.

Jin was hella relieved because then he's not the only one being annoyingly doted on by acolytes, plus someone else to share the weight of the Air Nation.

Kang was a little disappointed and devastated. But he didn't show it initially to his parents. His older siblings tried to help him cheer up.

"You get to eat meat!"

"You don't have to wake up super early for meditation. And you don't have to sit through all the lectures."

"You might be a metalbender too!"

Kang - "I'd rather be a lavabender!"

"Maybe you'll be a lavabender instead. Who knows?"

It seems to work for a little while. Lin and Tenzin notice that he's still accepting or processing that he's an earthbender. They are right when he comes to their room one night with a frown and crossed arms.

Lin pats the bed and he jumps on there.

"What's up?"

"How come I can't be an airbender?"

His parents share a look and they sit closer together with him in the middle.

"It's just who you are and how you were born," Tenzin explains gently. "We are so excited that you're an earthbender like Mommy."

"But it's not the cool one!"

Lin chuckles softly. "So Mommy isn't cool?"

"You're coooooool," Kang reiterates. "But being an airbender is special."

Something shifts between Lin and Tenzin.

"What do you mean by that?" Tenzin asks.

"You get treated like a king! The acrobites give Jin extra snacks when no one is looking. But then I make them give me some because I saw. They're really nice to you and him. I'm not special like Areum now."

Lin holds her son closer and turns him, cupping his face. "Kang..." she says softly, "you are special because you are you. Not because of what you can bend. Just because people might treat your brother and sister different from you does not mean that you aren't the same as them. Do you understand?"

Kang peered down, dwindling his fingers and nodding slowly.

Tenzin reached over to pull his son into his embrace. "And anyway, none of the acolytes are supposed to be treating one of you as special. If they do, I want you to tell me or Mommy. Okay?"

"Do I get a prize?"

Tenzin and Lin looked at each other.

"We'll think about it. Maybe something like extra 20 minutes of playtime before bed."

"Ooh, ok!"

"Besides," Tenzin added as his son sprawled out on his lap and began to play with Lin's leg, "I was never cool, even though I'm an airbender."

"Daddy always got teased at school," Lin revealed.

"She had to save me all the time and help beat up the meanies."

"But you're an airbender!"

"Yeah, no one else was. So it made me an easy target for kids to bully me."

"Your daddy is so soft that I had to save him otherwise he would get smooshed by all the other kids and earthbenders. Then who else would I play with at school?"

Kang giggled. "Yeah, earthbenders would crush you, Daddy."

"I know. But the only earthbenders who can do that is Mommy, MeiMei, and you."

His son raised his foot in his face. "And me."

Tenzin chuckled, pushing it down playfully. "That's right."

When their children were all put to bed, Tenzin pulled Lin into their bedroom, lips searching to kiss every inch of skin he could.

The sex was hot, fierce, passionate, loving, intense, and emotional. Their intimate affairs wasn't bad, but it had been missing an emotional connection for some time. But tonight, they were full of life and the fire for each other reignited.

Tenzin can barely keep his eyes open after cumming more than 10 times tonight. He'll be sore tomorrow, but it's worth it.

Lin strokes his arm that's wrapped around her. "Tenzin...I need to ask you something..."

"Uh huh."

It may be better to ask when he's not exhausted, but that means he has more energy to try and hide his true feelings.

"If Areum wasn't an airbender, what would you have done?"

She can only hear their breathing, and she wonders if he fell asleep in the middle of her question. Or if he's avoiding her.

Tenzin shifts and turns so that they're facing each other. Their eyesight already adjusted to the darkness and they can see the outline of their soulmate.

"I don't know, Lin..."

She can feel her heart aching already and the tears stinging her eyes. "You would have left me, wouldn't you?"

He can feel her and he pulls her closer so her head rests over his chest. The chilly wetness of her tears touches his warm skin. "I don't know...but I made you a promise to stay no matter what."

Lin isn't so sure of what to think of that answer, but she's exhausted and so is Tenzin.

"I might be open to another kid...since the kids are a little bigger now."

He kisses her cheek and strokes her back. "Sleep, love."

Love the light angst HAHAHA idk why but I like seeing a linzin fight and have them throw some hurtful words and figure out how to say sorry ❤️❤️

It's very healthy for them to fight, too! Linzin as a couple are very passionate people when they're in the zone.

For the drabble I just wrote, it's fair to say that they were fighting a lot after Aang died. The world was in a bit of chaos bc no more Avatar, so crime is up A LOT. Also, their toddler twins have not shown any signs of bending yet.

Tenzin has asked if Lin is open to another child, and that was another full blown argument. One that a specific acolyte may have overheard...

"So now a family is not enough because the world needs more airbenders?"

"Don't put words in my mouth, Lin!"

"We have 4 kids. Even if they are not airbenders, they require our attention and presence. We need to raise them properly."

"I'm not arguing against that! I'm only asking if you're open to having another child."

"In case the twins aren't airbenders."

A sigh. "...in case."

We know that the twins are benders, but Linzin and the world has no idea in the 5 years after Aang died. Lots of arguments and stress happening for Linzin at this time.

After the WL discovers Korra is the next avatar, the twins finally bend for the first time.

[crazedlunatic]

Hero

“Hey, I thought you were going to pick me up after work!” Adrian walked into Matt’s kitchen.

Matt, who was sitting at the kitchen table and still in his uniform, looked up. The fact that he was still in his uniform was unusual. He generally took it off as soon as possible because usually it was disgusting. It could have anything on it from blood to urine to serious drug residue on it.

“Hey.”  Matt said, taking a bite of a cereal bar.

“Are you… okay?”

“Sorry. I, uhm, was going to call but I just got home.”

“You were supposed to get off at 4:00. It’s 10:00.” Adrian looked at him, confused.

“I had to stay late.”

“Did someone call in?”

“No. I had to talk to a chaplain.”

“Like… a preacher?”

“I guess but it’s kind of more of a counselor thing for us. He only brings religion into discussion if you bring it up first.” Matt sighed as his personal cell phone started to ring. He held it up to his ear. “I’m fine, Mama. I’ll call you in the morning. I’m going to bed… yeah, I promise… Yes, I’ve eaten.”

Adrian sat at the table next to him, confused. Any other time Matt talked to anyone from his family on the phone, it was usually laughing and joking. Something was definitely going on.

“Yeah, Mama. I know. Yes, I know Logan is down the street. You do know I’m almost 23, right?” Matt gave Adrian an annoyed look. “Good night. I love you too.”

“What happened?”

“I haven’t eaten since this morning and if I don’t eat this before I talk about it, I won’t eat and then I’ll be sick on duty tomorrow. Can you wait?” Matt said.

“Yeah.” Adrian, who had leaned forward, sat up straight against the chair. He moved his foot back and forth anxiously because it was literally taking forever for Matt to finish his Cheerios breakfast bar. Forever. He’d seen Matt down two in the span of three minutes however it seemed to take Matt a whole minute to take one bite and swallow it.

It was just weird.

Matt let out a frustrated sigh when his phone rang, picking it up. “I’m literally going to turn my phone off if you people don’t quit harassing me. I am in bed trying to sleep.”

Adrian gave him a look seeing as he… obviously was not in bed.

“Fine. I am at my table. But I’m also fine and I would like to eat so I could go to bed and be back in hell bright and early in the morning… God, Mark. No, I don’t want a three day weekend… you guys are driving me crazy. I will stop by Mom and Dad’s in the morning and I’ll report to your office like a good boy as soon as I make it in… Sorry, I’m not trying to be a dick… okay, bye.” Matt shut his phone off.

“Matt…” Adrian bit his lip as Matt’s work cell phone started to ring.

“I can’t. I’m done.” Matt stood up, walking out of the room and leaving his cell phone to ring.

Did he ignore his personal cell phone? Only all the time.

The work one? Absolutely not since he was over forty people who often needed approval for stuff or who even knows what they needed.

Adrian followed Matt into the living room and sat next to him.

“Why don’t they just hang up?” Matt groaned.

“Matt…”

Matt glanced at Adrian, his eyes teary.

“What happened today? Why do people keep calling you?”

Matt covered his face when his cell phone started to ring again.

Adrian hopped up and quickly went back into the kitchen. He saw it was Matt’s dad and answered it. “Hey, I think he needs some downtime right now.”

“Can you stay there tonight?” His dad asked urgently.

“Yes.” Adrian’s response was instant—like he would have left Matt like this alone anyway. Because this just wasn’t even his Matt.

“Call me on either phone if you need anything and try to make sure he eats more than just a stupid breakfast bar, okay?”

“I’ll try to get him to.” Adrian said.

“Go ahead and turn his work phone off. Is it okay if I call you if something comes up?” Matt’s dad asked.

“Of course. You can always call me.”

“Thank you.” Matt’s dad sounded relieved. “Let me know if you two need anything, alright? I’ll let everyone in the family know that you’ve got your phone on you but hopefully they’ll leave you alone.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” Adrian glanced at Matt in the other room, who was staring at his shoe and clearly lost in thought.

“Just… Make sure he falls asleep before you do, okay? Otherwise he won’t get any. I’m going to see about getting his shift tomorrow covered.”

“Okay.” Adrian said, eyes still on Matt.

After a few more sentences which were mostly Matt’s dad saying without saying to keep an eye on Matt, they ended the call and Adrian turned Matt’s work cell phone off. He then came back into the room slowly and sat next to Matt on the couch.

Matt leaned against him, slouching down so his head was on Adrian’s shoulder.

“Do you want to talk yet?”

“No.” Matt whispered as Adrian stroked his hair.

“Do you want to watch something?”

“No.”

“Can I do anything?” Adrian pulled back a bit to look at him.

“Just… be here.” Matt let out a shuddery breath.

Adrian continued to run his fingers through Matt’s hair for nearly an hour, his stomach in knots. The only time he’d gone this long without hearing Matt’s voice when they were together was if Matt was asleep.

Finally, Matt pushed himself into a sitting position and he looked at Adrian.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Matt said, his voice sounding more like his own. Not quite there, but… not like it had been an hour prior.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t want you to have to think about it.” Matt frowned.

“I want to know.” Adrian insisted.

“It’s… pretty bad.”

“I know.” Adrian nodded. “But I still want to know. You need to talk about it.”

“I was riding alone today and… uhm… I got a call about an unresponsive kid but nothing other than that.” Matt sniffled a bit. “And I got there and this, uhm… this mom r-ran over her son b-but not all the way so, like this three year old little boy’s face and skull is crushed in and he’s barely breathing and there’s nothing I could do but hold this dying baby as this mom is freaking out and I didn’t know what to do. Like… what? How do you hold this dying baby and just… sit there like a fucking kid because you can’t do anything? And why didn’t the parents hold him? Why? And why did the ambulance take so long? Not that they could do anything either.”

“I don’t know.” Adrian whispered, his heart breaking. Maybe it was horrible but he was still more worried about Matt. He had never seen Matt like this and he didn’t want to ever again. And if Matt’s dad was that worried, how bad had it been for him to stay six hours after his shift ended talking to a chaplain?

“And it’s so messed up. I’m sitting here thinking why didn’t she just finish running him over so this poor kid isn’t in this pain? And why couldn’t I do anything but just sit there? Why couldn’t the EMT’s tell me something to do over the phone? Why didn’t she know where her kid was? I know it’s not her fault but why? Why do all these horrible things just perfectly align and end up in this horrible, horrible thing? I felt so useless. I couldn’t do anything and he was still alive. I’ve never felt so useless in my life. I always make it better but I couldn’t d-do anything. And I just love the kids.” Matt covered his face, beginning to cry loudly.

Not even normal cries. It was louder and much harder than that.

“I can’t… Like, I’ve cut people down from ceiling fans and I’ve seen these mangled bodies and I’ve walked into welfare checks with dead old grandmas and grandpas but nothing hurts like this. And she knew. The dad knew. We all knew this baby boy was going to die. You don’t live without a skull, Adrian. You can’t.” Matt sobbed. “So, what’s the fucking point? God. Why didn’t she just run all the way over his head so he didn’t have to—oh my God.” Matt leaned over, throwing up.

Adrian pulled Matt into his arms when he stopped puking, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

He didn’t even know his heart could feel this broken. The last time he’d seen Matt, earlier that morning, he’d been so excited. They were going to go to a festival in Boston when he got off work at 4:00. Sure, they’d only catch the end but it was something to do. And he’d been so happy and laughing like he always did.

And this was exactly the opposite.

Matt cried harder into Adrian’s chest, hand gripping Adrian’s side—not painfully. Just enough to know Adrian was there.

“Shh.” Adrian rocked him a bit. “Shh, shh, shh. It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” Matt protested, sitting up and looking down at his vomit. “It’s not okay. Nothing is okay, Adrian.”

“It will be.” Adrian touched his wet cheek.

“God. I’ve got to clean that.” Matt moved to stand.

“No. You stay there.” Adrian stood and went into the other room to get some old towels. He could feel Matt’s eyes on him as he cleaned it up. “I’m going to throw these in the washer and I’ll be back, okay?”

“Thank you.” Matt’s voice was soft.

Adrian forced a smile before going into the laundry room. He took a deep breath, pulling dry clothes out of the dryer and putting them in a basket. He then moved the stuff in the washer to the dryer, turned that on, and then started the towels in the washer.

He came back into the living room, placing the clean clothes basket on a chair next to the couch.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Matt said.

“I know.” Adrian sat next to him again. “I love you, Matt.”

“I love you too.” Matt gave a very forced smile.

“You are such a special person to do what you do… and you’re so brave. I know tonight was really hard and I’m so sorry, but you’re my hero… and you are also that boy’s parents hero because you did something they couldn’t and you comforted that boy in his last moments.”

“He wasn’t conscious.” Matt shook his head. “It didn’t even matter. He didn’t know.”

“I don’t care.” Adrian shook his own head.

“It just… hurt more than when it’s adults in speeding accidents… or kids in speeding accidents. Or anything.” Matt sniffled and wiped his eyes. He then whimpered, “I don’t know. Adrian, sometimes I love this job but sometimes I r-really hate it.”

“You can do anything you want to do.” Adrian whispered even though it wasn’t like anyone else could hear.

“No. I’m not smart like you.”  Matt shook his head.

“You want to know a secret?”

Matt gave him a weird look.

“I know you are. I talk to your mom, you know? She told me that you got into NYU, Boston University, Harvard University, and Amherst College. You couldn’t pick one so you decided to take a year off to figure out what you wanted to do, you got an associates in law enforcement, and began police courses the day you turned 19.” Adrian looked him in the eyes. “There’s a reason you’re over people twice your age and that reason isn’t just because of who your dad is. You can do anything you want to do… and for the record if  you do go to school, I will go wherever you go… because I know you can do it and you’ll deserve it a lot more than me.”

“I can’t quit my job… The force has put too much money in me. In three years, I start active SWAT training. They’ve spent thousands sending me to classes on management and training, tactics…”

“And you’ve used it well and you’ve saved hundreds of lives.” Adrian said. “I just hope you know that your happiness comes first. I’m here whether you’re a law enforcement officer or not… and I’d love you even if you worked at Taco Bell… Blaine would really love that because he’s a big Taco Bell fan.”

“I have thought about it.” Matt admitted. He then added, voice softer, “Mama really wants me to go back to school.”

“What do you want?” Adrian asked.

“You. To be with you.”

Adrian smiled and kissed the top of Matt’s head. “Besides me?”

“I don’t know.” Matt bit his lip.

“Well I’m here for you whatever you decide.” Adrian stood. “Come on. Let’s at least try to get some sleep, okay?”

“I have to get up so early.” Matt sighed.

“Your dad texted me. Your shift tomorrow is covered.” Adrian held out a hand to help him up.

A look of relief flooded Matt’s face and Adrian wrapped an arm around him.

“You are my hero. I hope you know I wasn’t just saying that.” Adrian looked at him.

“I better be because I didn’t give you a ticket that day.” Matt attempted to joke.

“Tomorrow will be better.” Adrian promised once they got into Matt’s bedroom. He immediately went to Matt’s dresser and pulled out two pairs of pajamas.

Matt took one pair and pulled them on. “I don’t know why you don’t bring your own. I told you that you could have the two drawers I never use.”

“You know I have to steal everything that you love. Food, blankets, clothes…” Adrian changed into the pair he usually stole—which also happened to be the pair that Matt wore the most.

Matt laid down as he rolled his eyes.

Adrian laid next to him, draping an arm over him and scooting right up to his back.

“Can you wait for me to fall asleep before you do?”  Matt asked, voice soft.

“I already planned to.” Adrian kissed the back of Matt’s shoulder.

“Thanks.” Matt said, relaxing against Adrian. “I love you, Adrian.”

“I love you too, Matt.” 

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 13

“Faith”

This’ll be interesting. Don’t think I’ve ever started this early in the day but I don’t wanna have to watch a lot that I need to pay attention to tonight sooooo. Watching supernatural on my lunch break (and maybe some when I go hide in the file room after)

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: oh god. We START with Sam and Dean?? Am I one of the kids in this scene? Because they do have a pretty good record so far of saving people…by hunting things. One might call it the family business. I’m gonna say yes 10/12

Dean grappling with mortality this early in the series fucking sucks. I need to stop getting attached to characters who are THAT prepared to die. But also the first time he almost dies is electrocution from a taser and the time he DIES DIES is a rusty nail??? Come on, writers room!

Poor Sam wanting to believe so badly in this faith healer, and matching it to how badly Dean doesn’t believe he deserves to be healed/saved/whatever. (But I also wonder how far in advance the writers knew they were going to put Castiel in the show. There have been a NUMBER of times when I’ve just been like “ah, yes. This was Cas’s work.”)

Not this mom taking her frustrations with the reverend out on Dean…Dean who doesn’t believe he deserves it at all

Oh and now the GUILT he feels over the reaper trading people’s lives and deaths. On one hand, it’s the only way he could possibly know this was going on, but on the other, he’s gonna carry this with him for a long time

Oh. This reverend is TERRIBLE terrible. A FRAUD fraud. And he’s CHOOSING the victims?? Nah. Sorry to Layla but this dude need to be taken out. (It’s like I KNEW this was going to be HER time to “be healed.” I can’t blame her for going up there, but damn)

Why do people in any kind of horror, even horror lite like this, ever stop running from the monster?

If the mom is controlling the reaper…omg. What a threat. So are they working together????? I don’t really get it.

Realizing now that Layla’s mom and the reverend’s wife are not actually the same person, and this episode makes a LOT more sense

She’s gonna send it after Dean, isn’t she? (Knew it. She IS gonna)

And I’m not saying she deserved it but I am saying that god’s timing is always riiiiiiiiiiight~

Poor Layla though…unless? Are…are they gonna?? No. There’s only a minute or so left…

“Been On My Mind…”: Dean had an *emotional* connection to Layla, but like, she patted his head and they both almost cried. I might be ace, but even I don’t think that counts as hooking up

“The Long Game”

I'm not gonna lie, guys...I'm really sleepy and I don't wanna be watching tv. I did a lot at work today (good things, important things, things that I mostly enjoy doing) and I did it all in new shoes, and then I came home with some Chipotle...all of this was a mistake if I wanted to watch Doctor Who. But the show must go on!!

Anyway, I remember something being off with the kid they brought along with them, but I can't remember what it is right now. Can't wait to figure out what it was.

I'm not saying humans are all bad, but why do we need to have a galactic empire? Why are we the center of it? Like..........we're not all bad but we definitely don't need to colonize the whole universe.

Did she just say The Face of Boe is pregnant? She did. Okay. Accepting that...a being who is literally just a face at this point can be pregnant.

Okay. This guy is from 2012. I suppose it's reasonable that he might remember the phone number to his parents' landline...

Alright, I bet Adam tries to sit in that chair to get all the info himself

YEAH. I knew he'd do some fuck shit. I shouldn't be more invested in this Adam plotline, but here I am.

There will probably be some good shit from whatever Rose and the Doctor are doing as well as whatever’s going on on floor 500, but it’s just not as interesting right now

Also, it feels silly to be like “I knew I recognized the actor playing The Editor” when it’s literally Simon Pegg but…he look so different from how I recognize him. It’s the bleached hair

There is some commentary to be made about Cathica being the one to (unbeknownst to The Editor) start doubting the system in place on Satellite Five while Adam runs toward it with open arms. And just like that, my interest in the plot lines has flipped

I do wish there was a better motivation for today’s big bad.

[myfictionaldreams]

Day 28: Car Sex - Jake Lockley

Kinktober Day 28: Car Sex - Jake Lockley

Tags: 18+ readers only, smut, taxi driver jake, secret feelings, fluff, protective!jake, drinking, sexual tension, flirting, car sex, riding, nicknames, no use of y/n

my main masterlist 📚 // kinktober masterlist😈 // AO3 Link 

It was always the same taxi driver to pick you up from work, every single day without fail he was always the one to be there, outside the building at 6 pm. This meant that you both had to sit in rush-hour traffic together every day, you probably spent more time speaking to him than you did your co-workers.

He was one of the most mysterious people you’d ever had the opportunity to talk to. You weren’t able to get much information from him about his personal life but that only made it more thrilling as you basically stared at the rearview mirror the entire journey every day. You’d made the excuse that it was because you wanted to see his face as you sat in the back of the black cab whilst talking to him.

In reality, however, it was because you were so incredibly attracted to him, with his roguish look, the dark flat cap that always seemed to be on his head, and the tan leather jacket, all to compliment his deep brown eyes, strong facial features and every so often a handsome smile.

At some point on your journeys he had also nicknamed you Princesa, a subtle accent floating with his words but he always avoided questions when you asked but you were fine with that, maybe you shouldn’t be so nosey. You had however discovered that his name was Jake after asking for weeks.

Every day you began looking forward to your journeys home, almost skipping out of work to get to his taxi. Jake had also now begun waiting outside of his cab, leaning against the backseat door, ready to hold open the door when you were close enough.

“So Princesa, what do you plan on doing tonight? Another night in?” he asked casually as you both sat in traffic, rain hammering down around you.

“No actually, for once I’m going out, nothing crazy just a few drinks at my friend's local pub” you explained, actually happy to be out socialising for once.

“Oh really? Whereabouts is this place?” your eyes met him in the mirror, thinking that it was a bizarre question for him to ask but going with it anyway as the cars began moving.

“It’s about 20 minutes from my place I think? My friends picking me up and taking me there, I’ve never been before but it sounds quite nice, supposed to have an open fire that we can sit around” your fingers nervously twisted in your lap, a habit you always seemed to do with the car with Jake, matching the excited butterflies that filled your stomach.

Jake nodded, acknowledging your comment before asking about work, he always was interested to hear about your day and whenever you felt embarrassed that you had been speaking for so long, he was quick to ease any concerns explaining that he liked to listen to your voice.

Eventually, Jake pulled up to your apartment, asking for a much lower rate for the ride than what was displayed on the screen. You had tried to pay the full amount many times but the money always somehow ended up back in your bag.

“One-minute Princesa” Jake interrupted as you reached for the door handle, “take this” he passed a small card through to you in the back. You took it, reading the numbers on the card, your heart beginning to beat faster as you realised he had given you his phone number.

Jake’s jacket squeaked against his seat as he turned to look over his shoulder at you, “now, I want you to call me when you’re ready to go home and I can come to pick you up”.

Your body warmed, of course, he was just giving you his number for his taxi service, what else would it be for?

A frown passed over your expression as you asked, “but I thought you finished at 10?  I don’t want you waiting all night for me Jake”.

He waved his hand. “I’d sleep better knowing you were home safe so please, call me at any time during the night”.

“Ok, thanks, I appreciate it” you smiled warmly at him before opening the car door, “see you later,” you remarked before quickly rushing through the rain to the front door of your apartment.

Turning back you saw he was still there like he always was, making sure you got to your front door safely even though it was only a few meters from the path, lifting up his hand he waved bye and began to drive off, giving you the chance to collapse back into the door, clutching your chest to try and stop the pounding, you hated feeling like this, like a girl in school with your first crush.

Jake was on your mind all night, your friends noticed, asking a million questions until you finally told them. “Wait, as in Jake who picks you up every day from work, Jake? He’s picking you up tonight… after hours?” your friend said with the biggest shit-eating grin across her face.

You groaned, hiding your embarrassed expression, “yes…maybe… stop looking at me like that please I’m already freaking out as it is!”

Your friends laughed, having not seen you reacting this way before. “Well how about this then? You need some liquid courage so shots everyone?”

You agreed immediately, needing something to quickly take the edge off before your nerves completely ruined your night.

The liquid burned your throat as you swallowed it quickly, flinching at the disgusting taste, not even sure what alcohol it was but as it warmed you from the inside out, you tried to put Jake to the back of your mind for now.

There was something about being with your friends that made the time pass quickly, before you knew it, it was almost 2 am, and you were just about ready to go home. You weren’t the most drunk you had ever been but your body felt loose, a nice buzz humming through your veins as you called the number that you’d already memorised from staring at it all night.

He answered within 2 rings, “Princesa?” you smiled hearing his voice, loving that he automatically knew it was you ringing.

“Hey Jake, sorry if I woke you”, you began nervously biting your nails, waving to your friends as they began walking home.

“I was still awake, are you ready?” you nodded before quickly verbally responding realising he couldn’t see you, then quickly giving the address to where you were.

You sat on one of the benches outside, waiting patiently for Jake, your alcohol blanket keeping you warm against the damp chill in the air.

The sound of a car pulling up close by had you glancing up, body relaxing in a sigh as Jake quickly exited his car, pulling off his now infamous leather jacket. “Mi Amor, you’ll catch a cold” he quickly placed the jacket around your shoulders, you could smell his smokey aftershave on the collars and feel his warmth as your arms moved into the sleeves.

He quickly ushered you into the car, specifically into the passenger side of the car, right next to him, somewhere you had never been before and felt oddly intimate but you didn’t pay any attention. No, that was more on Jake as he helped you with your seat belt and then placed the heater on for you before driving off.

“You look beautiful, how was your night?” his eyes raked over your body before shifting back to the road, his stance was a lot more relaxed than usual as he rested one hand on the top of the steering wheel, the other on the gear stick. Now he didn’t have his jacket on, you could see that he was wearing a plain white shirt, with a slim black tie and dark jeans, accompanied by nice looking leather boots and his signature dark cap.

“Uh, I uh-” you couldn’t help the stammer at the casual compliment. Taking a quick breath, you let the alcohol do the talking, turning in your seat to look at him whilst talking. “It was very good thank you, I haven’t laughed that hard in a while. And thank you, you don’t look too bad yourself”.

Jake smirked, looking at you from the corner of his eye, “gracias” he politely said but you couldn’t stop yourself.

“You smell nice too”. He smiled at your compliment.

“Smell nice?”

“I mean- yeah you smell nice,” you said nuzzling into his jacket.

“Well from the brief glimpse I got from you, you smell nice as well,” he said with laughter in his tone. You weren’t sure why your next sentence came out, only blaming the alcohol.

“I bet I taste nice too” Jake's head swivelled towards you, smirking as you bit your lip in embarrassment, “I just mean that I’ve had a lot of sweet cocktails today so I probably taste of bubblegum and I’m going to stop talking”.

Jake chuckled at your ranting, hand sliding off the gearstick to lay lightly on your exposed knee. His palm was warm and surprisingly rough for a cabbie, you enjoyed the touch, not thinking anything of it, just enjoying his presence that always seemed to calm you as absentmindedly you grabbed his hand, fingers stroking along his.

You both sat in comfortable silence, the atmosphere had noticeably shifted but you enjoyed the time.

“What did you do tonight?” you asked, trying to ignore the way your heart was thumping in your chest.

“Me? Not much, watched some tv, waited for a pretty girl to call me” you hide your smile behind your hair as your cheeks warm.

“I’ve been looking forward to calling you all night” you confessed, not quite sure why you were telling him this. Jake's hand lifted under your chin, tilting it up so you were now looking at him with half-lidded eyes, noting from the red light shining on his face that he’d stopped at the traffic lights.

“And why’s that Princesa?” you were sure he was asking you this to tease you with the glint in his eyes as his fingers moved to stroke your cheek tenderly. You felt like you could hardly breathe as you stared at him, opening your mouth but not knowing what to say until the red gleam over him turned to green.

“The lights turned green” he smirked at your reaction before dropping his hand back to the gear stick and continuing to drive.

You absentmindedly played with your fingers in your lap, biting your lip as you stared out of the window.

“You do that a lot when you think I’m not looking mi Amor” Jake mumbled, glancing over at you as you looked towards him with a confused expression, watching as he lifted his hand once more to ease your lip from between your teeth. “Bite your lip, you do it when you're in deep concentration about something and think I’m not looking, but I’m always looking”.

You felt like your chest was going to burst as he pulled the car to a stop, you now only just realising that he’d pulled up to the back entrance to your building, in the near empty car park. You didn’t want to get out, wanting only to stay with him as you both stared at each other, the tension so incredibly thick you thought you were going to drown.

“Jake…” he raised an eyebrow at his name, his fingers moving a strand of hair from out of your face.

“Yes, mi amor?”. You weren’t entirely sure what to even say but you wanted to be close to him, shifting closer in your seat to him, nuzzling into the hand next to your face.

Tentatively you lifted your hands, gently cupping his and proceeded to do something sober you would absolutely never do: kiss his rough fingertips, one by one.

Jake was the next to move, cupping your cheek as he leant across the car, capturing your lips with his. His touch was fiery, setting your body alight as he began with soft kisses, testing to see your reaction but you clung to him, hands moving to grip his face to yours, deepening the kiss.

He released a heavy breath as you tasted smoke as his tongue teased along your bottom lip between slipping in. You accepted him happily, moving your own tongue against his, tilting your head to the side to kiss him deeper.

Jake's hand was on your knee again, thumb brushing against the skin leaving goosebumps behind, not moving any higher just staying still against your knee as he devoured you with his mouth. But you were greedy, needing more of him, desperate to feel more of the man you had been admiring for months now.

With courage you didn’t think you had even with the alcohol, your needs overpowering your thoughts as you pushed back on his shoulders, climbing across the car, with little difficulty with the small space but Jake moved his seat back so that you were able to straddle his lap, dress noticeably riding up your thighs.

Jake's hands cupped your arse cheeks, pulling you close as your hands cupped the back of his neck, leaning in desperately to kiss him again. Your mouths moved in sync, caressing, tasting, tempting one another.

His hat fell off at some point, giving you better access to his hair, feeling the soft curls beneath your fingers.

No words were spoken, none needed to be as you both grasped each other, need overtaking any normal senses.

You could feel him now, as you ground your hips against his, the outline of his hardened cock against your pantie-covered pussy, the sensation making you moan and break the kiss. But only so Jake could kiss along your jawline, his hands clawing at his jacket, easing it from your shoulders and discarding it into the passenger seat.

Closing your eyes, you relished in the feeling of his soft lips travelling across your throat, whining slightly, overwhelmed with need.

“What do you need Princesa?” he asked against the shell of your ear, causing you to shiver, gripping onto his crisp shirt as you ground into him again.

“Want you Jake” you whispered, feeling breathless, not caring that anyone could be watching right now. As if reading your thoughts, Jake turned the engine off to the cab, along with the lights plunging you both into darkness but meaning there was the slightest bit of privacy, even if it was obvious as to what you were both doing in the car with the way it was moving.

“You can have me mi amor”, to emphasise this, he thrust up causing his jeaned cock to brush over your pussy again.

“Please Jake” you begged, moving your hands lower, feeling his surprisingly hard abs beneath his shirt.

“It’s ok I've got you”, his hands moved to his belt, undoing it swiftly and easing out his cock before reaching beneath your dress to easily rip the flimsy material of your underwear. “Fuck” he curses as his fingers grazed through your slit, feeling how wet you were for him.

Leaning in to kiss him again, you shifted your hips forward until you could feel his tip, nudging it against your clit, moaning into his mouth at the sparks of pleasure shooting through your cunt.

Jake seemed to be losing his patience, needing to feel you now, not wanting to wait anymore as he gripped the base of his cock and edged it towards your dripping hole.

You both gasped, mouths dropping open as you slide down his cock, feeling how much he made you stretch but how well your body adjusted to him like you were made to take his cock.

As he became fully inserted, you looked at him, for only a second, like fireworks going off in your mind as you had the realisation that this was really happening, you were actually fucking your cabbie.

Said cabbie seemed to notice your slight wide-eyed expression and decided to take over, hand roughly grabbing the back of your head to pull you into another heated kiss, the other hand gripping your hip, aiding in your movements.

You didn’t want to hold back, the urgency of the touches and kisses, you weren’t going to go slow. Lifting up onto your knees, which was difficult to do in the car but Jake helped, you were able to slide up his cock most of the way before slamming back down.

The windows began to steam up, making the air feel thick and hot, sweat shining across both of your bodies but you didn’t care that you looked a mess now, hair sticking to your forehead and mascara was sure to be sticking to your under eyes.

All you could concentrate on was the tongue in your mouth, the hands gripping you so tightly to his body that you knew there would be bruises beneath the skin and the cock, that you rode hard and fast, desperation clouding both of your judgements.

The car was rocking with your motions almost helping you both to meet in the middle of each thrust as Jake began lifting his hips to meet yours.

Your cunt was squelching with increasing wetness, your moans like music to Jake’s ears as you moaned his name repeatedly, feeling that increasing tightness building in your core. 

“That’s it Princesa, cum for me” he grunted into your ear, arms now around your waist, supporting your back so you didn’t fall against the steering wheel.

“Jake!” you nuzzled into his shirt, trying to not scream out in pleasure as the waves of pleasure pulsed through you, your thighs trembling from the sensation. Jake didn’t stop fucking you though, making sure to ride out your entire orgasm before he too was cuming with a gasp.

You didn’t stop clinging to him as you both tried to catch your breath, feeling his hot cum seeping out and into his lap. Jake was the first to move, however, but only to comb his fingers through your slightly damp hair, “mi amor?”

You sat back in his lap, his cock still half-limp in your pussy, biting your lip in embarrassment before Jake pulled it out with his fingers, giving you a knowing look.

“Do you uh, want to come in for a coffee?” you asked, not wanting this to be over. Jake chuckled, kissing your cheek.

“Princesa, people usually do the coffee first and then the fucking but yes, I’d love to come in for a coffee”. You flushed at his words, excitement bubbling in your stomach for where the rest of the night might lead you.