#anyways was supposed to work out tonight but now that it's almost 10 i think that ship has sailed ����

[ellcrys]

got a referral for a real estate agent, booked an appt with my bank to talk mortgages and i finally fucking booked a consultation for laser hair removal bc i'm tired of shaving i am tearing through my 2023 to do list and i feel good 😎

[coquitokisses]

Back Together | Bucky Barnes

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader, (husband!Bucky Barnes x wife!reader, dad!Bucky Barnes x mom!reader)

Word count: 2.4k

Warnings/Tags: Bucky being dad and hubby material, fluff, angst maybe?

Summary: Bucky and reader are married and have two girls, but because of Bucky’s work, reader decides to “break up��� and have been separated for a few months. (Let’s say that this “job” was when the whole thing with John Walker happened in TFATWS, idfk lol)

A/N: so I’m currently writing a fanfic (on wattpad) and I had this idea, but I’m not there on the fanfic just yet lol so I decided to just post it here (also, my first language isn’t english so if there are any errors or mistakes, I’m sorry lmao)

The girls are like 4 and 5 years old and those aren’t the names I have planned on using for the fanfic, but it’ll do for now.. and Steve is alive and well lol (he doesn’t make an appearance, but I do mention him, like I said, this idea came as I was writing a fanfic so what I did was try and edit it a little bit so yall don’t need context and shit lol just enjoy okay?)

A/N #2: this is my first time doing this so just bare with me please lmao

It’s almost 10 pm which means Bucky must be on his way to bring the girls back after having them for the weekend. You were away in Seattle the whole weekend for work, but anyways it was Bucky’s turn to stay with the kids. They were supposed to stay with Wanda tonight, but since you arrived earlier than anticipated, you told her that Bucky was gonna bring them over.

You’re not on the best terms. Actually, you’re broken up at the moment and have been like that for like three months now. It all started because of Bucky’s “job”. You always said that he wasn’t being careful with the things he did and you didn’t like the constant worrying about him every time he went out to do his things. He didn’t really see it that way which made you get into a really bad fight and you decided to break up because he wasn’t putting his safety, or his family, as a priority and you didn’t like that.

Which was kinda true. So you’re currently not living together. Bucky has been staying with Steve, or with Sam whenever he comes to New York. The girls usually stay with you and then Bucky takes them on the weekends, but whenever you can’t take them to school (or get them on time) or something on week days, then Bucky takes them without a problem.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to pick them up for you?” Wanda asked while on FaceTime with you

“It’s alright, red, don’t worry.” You replied “Besides, Bucky’s probably on his way anyway.”

“Still haven’t talked?”

“Well we talk, just not about us.” You said walking out of the kitchen

“And are you guys still, like, mad or..?”

“I don’t know.” You let out a sigh

“Steve told you he got out.”

“I know.”

“So?”

“I just.. I don’t know, I haven’t talked to him about it.”

“Well I think you need to.” She said “Just have a little chat and see where things are at.. you guys still love each other.”

And you did. Of course you did. And the girls want you to get back together too. But you just haven’t talked about it again.

“I don’t know, I’ll think about it.” You replied and just as you said that, you saw the car lights through the window “He’s here, I gotta go.”

“Call me if you need anything.”

“I will, love you.”

“Love you more.”

You hung up the call and left the phone on the couch before heading to the door. You opened it and saw Bucky walking over to the house holding Olivia, your youngest, in his arms and Eloise was walking right next to him. And the three of them just looked tired as hell.

“Hi mommy.” Eloise ran over to you

“Hi, pretty girl.” You immediately hugged her

“Say hi to mama, Liv.” Bucky said as he got closer

“Hi mama.” Olivia opened her arms wanting you to pick her up so you did

“Hi, my angel.” You kissed her cheek

“Sorry to bring them so late, we just got out of the cinema.” Bucky said

“Buck, it’s fine, they don’t even go to school yet.” You told him “Did you guys have fun?” You asked the girls

“So much fun!” Eloise replied excitedly “We also went to the trampoline park earlier.”

“Oh well that explains why someone’s a little more tired than others.” You looked at Olivia and she rested her head on your shoulder

“Mommy, can daddy tuck us in tonight, please?” Eloise asked

“Baby, I’m sure mommy had a really long and tired flight and she just wants to sleep.” Bucky told her

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” You said “Daddy will tuck you in, sweetheart.” You tucked a few strands of Eloise’s hair behind her ear

“Daddy, come on.” She grabbed Bucky’s hand

You all went inside and you gave the girls a quick shower before Bucky helped them get in their pjs.

“Mommy, are we staying with auntie Wanda tomorrow?” Eloise asked as she got on her bed

“Yes, baby, I need to go to work.” You replied

“Can’t we stay with daddy?”

“Daddy works too, honey.” You moved her hair out of her face “I thought you liked staying with auntie Wanda.”

“We do, but we wanted to stay with daddy again.” Olivia spoke

“Well I can pick you up at auntie Wanda’s house when I get out of work, how does that sound?” Bucky told them

“And we can get dippin dots too?” Olivia looked at him with puppy eyes

“We can get whatever you girls want.” He said squishing her cheeks making her giggle

You couldn’t help but smile a little. You loved watching Bucky with the girls, he really is an amazing father and they love him like crazy.

“Alright it’s getting super late, time to sleep.” You said to them

“But mom!” Eloise pouted

“No buts, listen to your mom.” Bucky said “Come on, get in bed both of you.”

Each of the girls got in their beds and Bucky went and tucked them both. They have their own separate rooms, but they’re pretty close and they’ve always wanted to sleep in the same room so when the time came and you bought Olivia her big girl bed, Bucky just placed it in Eloise’s room. Anyways, when the time comes when they get to the point where they don’t even want to look at each other, you’ll probably make Bucky move Olivia’s bed back to her room and problem solved. But for now, they absolutely love being in the same room.

“I love you.” Bucky kissed Olivia’s forehead “And I love you.” He then kissed Eloise’s “So so much.”

“We love you too, daddy.” They said

“Now get some sleep because auntie Wanda is coming early tomorrow to pick you up before I leave.” You leaned down to kiss each of them on their heads “I love you both so insanely much.”

“Love you too, mommy.”

“Now go to sleep or I’ll call the slender man.” Bucky said as he turned off the light

He quickly closed the door once you got out of the room and the girls let out a scream that made you both laugh.

“You’re evil.” You chuckled “Creating them traumas so young.”

“It gives them strength.”

You rolled your eyes laughing. “Of course.”

You both went downstairs and then Bucky went back to the car to bring back Olivia’s shoes and a few toys that the girls left in the car. While you put them on the dining table, Bucky was just telling you what they did and how the girls were on the weekend.

“Liv didn’t even asked for my help to wipe her after using the bathroom.”

“No?!” You looked at him kinda shocked

Potty training Eloise was way easier than training Olivia. First she was afraid of the toilet being flushed, then she was afraid that something would come out and bite her, then she didn’t want to stay alone while using the toilet. It’s been a rollercoaster for all of you.

“No, she did it all by herself.”

“Oh my god, really? I’m gonna cry.” You said with a hand on your chest

“She said she’s a big girl and big girls don’t need any help to go potty.”

“She is a big girl.” You said “Fuck, they’re both getting so big.”

“They are.” He nodded “How was Seattle?”

“Fucking amazing.” You said excited “It’s so pretty.”

“And how did it went? Are they planning on transferring you?”

“Hell no, I told Nick I’m not leaving New York.” You replied “If we were still living in the compound, then this would’ve been a whole different conversation, but we’re not and we have kids now so no, I’m not leaving even if they pay me more.”

“Well if they are paying you more then..” he raised his eyebrows

You laughed. “You know what I mean, idiot.” You rolled your eyes “But no, I’m not being transferred.”

“Then why did you go?”

“Nick said that they needed someone like me for some training.” You answered “It was great, I got to teach a few people about self defense, how exciting.”

“I’m glad.” He said with a small smile

He was genuinely happy for you. He knew how much you’ve missed working like that. Being an agent, a spy, you missed it. But at the same time, it wasn’t really in your plans anymore ever since you got pregnant with Eloise. It happened during the blip as well so you weren’t exactly working as an agent or spy anymore so you just decided to leave it behind for good. Until recently.

“You know, if it’s really what you want, then go for it.” He told you “The girls aren’t stopping you and neither am I.”

“I know, but it’s just that I feel like I’m on a different stage in life now.” You said “It felt fucking amazing, don’t get me wrong.”

“Then do it, talk with Nick and tell him to put you out there, that’s what you want.”

“I don’t know.” You let out a sigh

“We’re not going anywhere, you know that, right?” He said and you looked at him “And how cool would it be for the girls to say that their mommy is a spy?”

You laughed. “They will brag about it for sure.”

“And the best part is that you’re great at it and always have been.”

“I don’t know, I’ll think about it.” You shrugged looking at the time on the stove “It’s getting very late.” You looked at him

“Ouch okay, I’m leaving.”

“Oh my god.” You rolled your eyes

“Are we gonna keep this up?” He looked at you

“What?”

“This nonsense.” He motioned his hand between the two of you

“This nonsense?” You arched an eyebrow “Do I need to remind you whose fault is it that we’re on this position right now?”

“It could’ve gone so much better, but little miss I’m extremely petty over here, doesn’t like to listen to people and doesn’t care about anything other than her opinion.” He said

“Oh don’t make me mad, James.” You crossed your arms

“It’s the truth and you know it.”

“I think you can go now.” You said turning around and starting to walk away

“See what I mean?” You heard him say from behind “Can’t we just talk about it like normal people?” He asked following you

“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about.” You said turning around to look at him

“Well I think it is.”

“Bucky..”

“Y/N, come on.” He sighed “It’s been three months, are you gonna keep pushing me away?”

And he’s right, you’ve been kinda pushing him away. To be honest, the whole thing could’ve been avoided if Bucky and you came to an agreement, but you never did. You were upset that he was going away with Sam to do all these things that you weren’t okay with and you were thinking about the kids, which, at the moment, he wasn’t doing and that pissed you off. That was the whole thing. He didn’t want to empathize with the way you were viewing the whole situation and he was kinda making you look crazy. Saying things like “it’s not a big deal” or “everything will be alright, you don’t need to freak out”.

How does he expect you to not freak out when he doesn’t care about doing all this dangerous things? Was he insane?

In other circumstances, if you didn’t have kids for example, maybe you would’ve been a little bit more okay with it, maybe. But it’s a whole different scenario now.

And you were kinda pushing him away, sort of. But it wasn’t intentional, it’s just that you were kinda petty and there were times where he wanted to kinda fix things, but you wouldn’t let him because you would find a way to push him away unconsciously.

“You made me feel like I was exaggerating when I clearly wasn’t.” You said

“Because at the moment I did feel that way and I didn’t want to view the situation the way you were.” He explained “And I know I was wrong for that and I’m sorry.”

You let out a sigh. “You still went.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I should’ve stayed here with you, I regretted it the moment I left with Sam.” He said “And I came back as soon as I could.”

“And you stayed with Steve.” You rolled your eyes

“Baby, you wanted to kill me, do you really think I was just gonna come and ask you to take me back after that shit? Like you were just gonna accept me.”

“… Well, you’re kinda right.”

“I know, Steve told me you were pissed and that you wanted to punch me.”

“I did tell him that.” You nodded

“I’m sorry, I really am.”

“It’s fine, just forget it, I’m sick of the topic anyway.” You replied leaning on the back of the couch

“But are we fine?” He asked

“I don’t know, are we?”

“Well I’d say we are, kinda.” He got closer to you “You want me to do anything?”

“You could start by fixing the damn back door.”

“Again? But I just fixed it a few months ago.”

“Well I think you did it wrong because the doorknob is broken again.”

“I need to change that fucking door already.” He rolled his eyes “Anything else? Are you still mad at me?”

“A little.” You replied

“Just a little?” He moved his hands to your hips “I can help you change your mind.”

“Easy there, soldier.”

“Easy my ass, come here.”

Before you could even protest, his real hand grabbed your neck and he pulled you in for a kiss that screamed need. You really missed his kisses and just the way he would always give you a peck, whenever and wherever, whatever you were doing, he didn’t give a single care in the world. This man could see you sitting on the toilet and he still would go and give you a quick kiss.

“God, I’ve missed you.” He whispered on your lips “I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

“I did too.”

“Can we please never fight again?” He gently put his forehead against yours

“As long as you don’t piss me the fuck off doing some stupid shit like that again, we’re good.”

“Good.” He nodded before kissing you again

“And I swear to god..” you started saying between kisses “If I see you again that close to John Walker, I’m gonna kill you.”

“I know.” He said lowering his hands to the back of your thighs and picking you up

masterlist

a/n: should I post the fanfic here? What do we think? Lol (I’ve been thinking about it A LOT lately)

**UPDATE! I ended up uploading the fanfic and here is the masterlist for it lol

Anywaysss, hope you liked this! <3

(Likes and reblogs will be appreciated)

[missmonsters2]

Mirror, Mirror | One

Please do not copy, repost, or translate my work anywhere else.

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: The thought of something more had never really crossed Wanda's mind when it came to you. Best friends for 10 years and there hasn't even been one instance of accidental sexual tension. You're her best friend, that's all—until someone points out that you obviously have a very specific type when it comes to dating.

Warnings: best friends to lovers. shenanigans. jealousy, jealousy. sexual tension. pining. yearning. sexual thoughts. spicy (tumblr's version). stupid steve. neurotic nat. brat & stinky. bug as in shutterbug.

*explicit version will only be available on Ao3 & will be posted there after series is completed*

Note: i'm back!!! Nothing like coming back and posting a mini series. Enjoy this superior trope. Updates will be on Tuesdays! As you can see, we're trying something new with explicit content lol 😬

Reminder there's no taglist but you can follow my library blog for notifications 💘

Series Masterlist || Library Blog || AO3

Count: ~4.1k

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

It's strange how sometimes a single sentence can change someone's entire life. 

Wanda's thought about what sentences could change her life—usually, they're morbid and depressing.

'You have cancer.'

'Someone you love has died horrifically in an accident.'

'Your cat actually finds living with you miserable and would prefer the dangers of living in the streets.'

Never in a million years would Wanda ever think it'd be, 'Hey, have you ever noticed how your best friend exclusively only dates girls who look like you?'

And don't get Wanda wrong. It wasn't a morbid or depressing change; it was just...a change. An irrevocable change because now, Wanda couldn't stop thinking about it or noticing it. 

This was all Steve's fault. 

Because if someone like Stupid Steve could notice something like that, it had to mean something, right? But as Wanda remembers about the past girls you've hooked up with and brought around, she doesn't know what to make of it.

A part of Wanda wishes she had never talked to Steve that night at the bar. 

"Where's Vis?" Steve asked, looking around.

"With Tony playing pool, I think," Wanda shrugged. She doesn't particularly keep track of where her on-and-off boyfriend goes. She thinks they might be on an off-period right now, anyway. 

"And where's—oh, nevermind, there she is," Steve started to say but cut off when they both saw you across the bar talking with the bartender, flirting over drinks—which were probably free if Wanda could guess. 

Wanda's slightly annoyed because it's been a long week without seeing you, and Wanda's been used to seeing you almost every day for the past several years of her life. But you've been gone on a work trip this week for a wedding shoot and only came home just a little after lunch and needed an immediate long nap before tonight's get-together. 

That meant Wanda was sorely missing out on best-friend time, and now you were off flirting shamelessly with the hot bartender. Wanda's rooting for you, make no mistake. The bartender is definitely easy on the eyes, luscious hair, and lips—something Wanda knows you're weak for. 

Plus, Wanda's worried you're not anywhere near getting close to settling down. She wants you to be in a happy, fulfilling relationship. But she supposes she's in no position to talk herself. 

Wanda loves Vision without a doubt, but their relationship is definitely chaotic, and Vision keeps pushing for something more serious now that they've been dating (sporadically) for a long time. She's been considering it in her downtime and thinks it might make sense as the next step.

Best friends do everything together, right? So, maybe if Wanda decided to take the next step in a serious relationship, you'd find someone to commit to seriously as well. 

Then, both of you could get married at the same time. Then, they could buy a house in the same neighborhood right next to each other. There'd be endless double dates and vacations together. Wanda wouldn't have to miss you.

But first, Wanda needed to regain lost best-friend time, one-on-one style.  

"Hey, you know what I just noticed?" Steve said, breaking Wanda's drifting thoughts. 

"What?"

"Bug—" 

Wanda makes a face at your nickname. Granted, it was Wanda's fault you ended up with it back in your first year of university. You never let her forget it, especially now that you're a professional photographer.

"—over there has a very specific type she goes after for girls," Steve mused, sipping his whiskey before continuing. "I mean, they always have green eyes and brunette—wait, that's not true. She had two red-headed girlfriends in our last year of university. They still had green eyes, though." 

"Oh," Wanda said, unsure what to say since she's never paid attention to the girls you were dating. On average, they were a brief fling, and only a few lasted longer than half a year. "I guess so?"

Wanda distantly thinks about how she dyed her hair auburn in her last year of university because she was looking for a change that year and Natasha was insistent that she'd look amazing. Wanda recalls you were a fan of the look.

"Yeah," Steve nodded along. "Ironically, they always look like you in some way. Check out that bartender now—long, wavy-haired brunette with green eyes. She's got thick, long lips and even does that dark eye-shadow makeup thingy like you."

Steve just laughed it off, finishing his drink, thinking nothing more of it before he started talking about Bucky.

But it was like something clicked into place in Wanda's brain. A daunting realization that she was wholly unprepared for and not equipped to do anything about. 

Wanda watched as the bartender clocked off for the night and dragged you into a corner booth, drinks in hand. It gave Wanda the perfect view that the bartender wore many rings just like she did. 

In the poor privacy of the dimly lit corner booth, there was a staunch and needy kiss from the two of you, and Wanda swallowed roughly. 

From here, if you were none the wiser, Wanda could be easily mistaken for the girl in the booth with you. 

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷ 

Sometimes, Wanda believes she's just being absolutely ridiculous. So what if you go after girls who share the same features as her? That didn't have to mean anything. You've always told Wanda she was beautiful, and it was perfect how you said it. 

It didn't feel insincere or creepy. It felt good to know her best friend thought she was absolutely gorgeous. But just because you thought she was beautiful doesn't mean you harbored secret feelings for her. 

You'd be insulted if you knew Wanda had ever thought that. She'd just be another one of those girls Wanda's seen you humble on multiple occasions when they found out you dated women, and they were worried you might have a crush on them. 

But then, Wanda couldn't stop thinking she actually might be one of those girls because then she'd think about if you didn't consider her like that, it wasn't about her looks but something about her personality that wasn't your type. 

And what could that be?

Wanda thought long and hard, trying to remember the girls you've introduced her to. 

Sometimes they were funny, and Wanda was funny. She made you laugh all the time. She specifically remembered one time in high school when she made you laugh so hard you peed your pants just a little. 

Sometimes they were intellectual, and while Wanda didn't have an IQ of 160, she did fairly well academically and was on the right track in her career. 

Sometimes they were charming, and Wanda was the type where she got more charming the more you got to know her. 

So, Wanda just doesn't understand. She's nowhere further with her thinking ever since this weird information has been bestowed upon her.

Maybe it all just means nothing. You just didn't feel that way about Wanda despite the type of girls you dated suggesting otherwise. You didn't need a reason for it, and maybe the fact you only felt friendship for her was the reason. 

"Wanna order pizza in tonight?"

Wanda turns her head from the tv and notices you've put your book down. "Hm, not really. We had pizza last week," Wanda shakes her head. 

"How about that Greek place that just opened up on Willington Ave?" You suggest. "Pretty sure I heard you grumbling about wanting Greek food earlier this week."

"I was not grumbling!" Wanda scoffs but smiles when you raise your eyebrow at her. "Okay, I was grumbling a little."

You snicker as you pull out your phone to order delivery. "Oh, sweet golden best friend of mine, whatever shall you do when you get married to Vis, who hates Greek food. Do I foresee a life of Greekless cuisine? Oh, the suffering you'll go through!"

"I don't need him to like it," Wanda slaps your arm, sticking her tongue out before she cuddles you. "I have you to eat it with."

You laugh unabashedly, a sound that Wanda's accustomed to hearing the joyful sound. "Better hope the person I marry also hates Greek cuisine. I don't know if I can live a life of eating double the Greek food. I love tzatziki sauce, but if I grow to hate it from eating it too much, I will make you suffer the consequences of that."

Your voice trails off as you focus on ordering food, unable to see the cogs in Wanda's head turning. 

It's all so easy. There's no tension, no electric vibes happening. Just best friends enjoying the banter and making plans to eat. 

It was all in Wanda's head, right? You're her best friend, so of course you'd know everything about her. 

The right type of friendship is fulfilling and soul-connecting, and that's what Wanda has with you. When you have a one-in-a-million connection like that, the line between friendship and romance is thin, isn't it?

Wanda hates Steve. She'd never think about this if it wasn't for Stupid Steve. She can hear his dumb laugh, blissfully ignorant about the observation bomb he dropped upon her. 

"Do you wanna get ice cream after?" You ask, throwing your phone to the side. "I'll even treat you to the gelato despite knowing I'm going to suffer through your crazy farts later."

"Oh my god, I'm going to trap you under the blanket with it just for that!" 

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷ 

Within two months, Wanda forgets about it. Forgets, as in that she decides to drop it (let it linger in the deep depths of her brain that she refuses to acknowledge), and resolves that Steve has no brain cells and has no idea what he's saying. 

"Have you seen my strapless black top?" Wanda shouts from her room with the door open. "The one with the v-shaped front!"

"In your closet!" You yelled back from the living room, not taking your eyes off your phone. 

"I can't find it," Wanda whines, and she hears you sigh as you get up. The footsteps approach her room, and she finds you standing at the door with an unimpressed look.

"I don't want to hear it," Wanda sniffs. 

"Hear what, brat?" You say with a brow raised before you start rummaging through her closet. The nickname was a joke you started that Wanda was entirely a spoiled person, exhibiting bratty behavior at times. "That I'm not gonna be your roommate forever, so you need to learn to fold it yourself before putting it away?"

Wanda makes grumbling noises that are mostly nonsensical but smiles when you pull out the top she was looking for. 

"You are the apple of my eye, stinky," Wanda grabs the top from you before she runs into her washroom to briefly change into it. 

"A match made in heaven, yeah, yeah," you roll your eyes with good humor. "Hurry up, Natasha will kill us if we're late for Yelena's birthday. They're on an upwards mend in their relationship, so she's been so unbearably uptight lately to make sure nothing goes wrong."

"I know, I know," Wanda mutters, carefully pulling the top over her head to not ruin her makeup. 

"Alright, I'll hail us a cab, meet me outside."

"Wait, wait!" Wanda calls out. "I need help putting on my necklace."

You chuckle, walking back just as Wanda steps out of the bathroom with the delicate necklace she wants to wear. 

"Alright, alright, relax," you tell her. "Your accent gets really strong when you're stressed."

"You're stressing me out by rushing me," Wanda scrunches her nose even though you can't see it. "I'm also stressed knowing that you have to rush me, or I'll spend the party getting lectured by Natasha."

Wanda's voice comes out husked with the accent, something she's struggled between hating or loving, but mostly loving since you've expressed how lovely it is.

You grab the necklace from her hand, and Wanda moves her hair out of the way. The routine of it all starts to bleed the tension out of her shoulders. 

Then, that horrible Stupid Steve Sentence kicks into her brain. 

 It's only as you put your arms over, placing the necklace against Wanda's chest, and focusing on trying to get the clasp in. Wanda can feel your warm breath against her neck, summoning goosebumps along her arms. You're so close, and she can feel the heat of your body radiating onto her, your fingers just barely brushing against her.

The tension comes suddenly, squeezing inside her chest as her breathing slows and shakes. Her body warms in an unexpected way. 

"Ah, got it," you say, but Wanda can only focus on your voice and breath on the shell of her ear. "Cute necklace but the clasp is so annoying."

You pull away and start walking off. "C'mon, I bet if we tip our taxi driver an extra $20 bucks, they'll speed and we can pray we're on time."

Wanda's left standing there, knowing she probably sounds like she's fresh out of Sokovia with how stressed she is. Her right eye twitches.

Was that...Wanda gulps. Was that sexual tension?

And was she the only one who felt it?

Fuck.

She's going to kill Steve.

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷ 

Natasha's absolutely neurotic when they arrive. It's just a simple backyard party, but it almost looks like a wedding venue with all the catering and flowers. 

Wanda's pretty sure Natasha's only being like this because she's overthinking about whether to cling to Yelena or give her sister some space to mingle with others. She seems to be sizing up Kate, who Yelena might be seeing, but it hasn't been confirmed. 

Yelena looks between exasperated with Natasha and secretly happy about the entire thing. Wanda can sympathize with her. After all, she's also a little sister, and Pietro can also be way too overprotective. Sometimes she's glad he's abroad in Europe for work while she remains in New York, but she misses him more often than she admits. 

"Alright, alright, Natasha," you groan, and Wanda's mind slips back into the conversation. "We're 3 minutes late, relax, will you? Damn, are you always gonna be like this until you and Yelena get back into whatever sibling bond you had before? Hope you're just like this with us because otherwise, you're gonna scare away all her friends, and she's going to hate you."

"Oh my god, do you think she'll really hate me?" Natasha bites her bottom lip in worry while looking around at all the people that they can only assume she's nagged about being late or whatever mishap. 

"Oh, man," you sigh, putting your hand on her shoulders before pushing her towards the bar. "You need some drinks and maybe some desserts in you."

Wanda's about to follow you when you turn around and nod your head in a different direction. She looks over and sees you're nodding toward Vision.

"You should go say hi to him," you tell her. "You've been complaining about not seeing him all last week, even though I don't know why you guys won't just FaceTime, but I digress. Come find me later, or I'll find you after."

You look over at Natasha, who's peering on her tippy toes to see if she can find Yelena.

"And, hopefully, I'll have ditched this nutjob," you whisper conspiratorially and laugh when Natasha turns around to smack your arm. 

"I heard that!"

Wanda chuckles as you walk off with Natasha while she turns and heads toward Vision. Despite how she was complaining about not seeing Vision last week because she did miss him, her expression was sour as she made her way toward him. 

Vision spots her immediately and waves at her with a warm smile. Wanda feels herself somewhat loosened at his expression. They'd also been friends a long time before they started on-and-off dating, so at the very least, she does miss his easy friendship. 

"Hey," Vision hugs her, slightly rubbing her back before he pulls away but keeps his arm around her. "It's been a while; you look lovely."

"Thanks," Wanda smiles with a shrug. She looks around and sees he's standing with Tony and Pepper. "How are you guys?"

"Could be better," Tony sighs dramatically. "Natasha won't let me do any of my cool party tricks as if I'm going to ruin her little sister's party. If anything, I could make it the party of the century!"

Pepper rolls her eyes good-naturedly. "We were just talking about how we're thinking of going to the Bahamas for vacation in December and escaping the cold. We've invited you and Vision along since it's been awhile since we've all gone together. Of course, we can also invite Bug and Natasha."

"Oh," Wanda says for a lack of anything else to say. She doesn't know how to feel about it, but she peers over at Vision, who's just smiling at her and looking eager about it. 

"I need another drink if I'm going to suffer through this party," Tony sighs. "Maybe I can convince Yelena instead!" He grins, dragging Pepper along, and they walk off together. 

"So, what do you think?" Vision asks when they're alone. "I didn't want to reply on your behalf since I wasn't sure, but I think it'd be good for us. I've missed you," Vision pauses as if he's about his next words but then says, "a lot."

"Yeah, me too," Wanda starts to say, but then her brain gets all haywire because it feels like a lie. She did miss him, but did she miss him a lot? "I think."

"You think?"

Wanda wants to smack her forehead because she didn't mean to say that out loud. "I mean, I was complaining a lot that I haven't seen you in a while all last week."

"Yeah, work has just been overwhelming. I get so tired after work, I just can't keep up with the texting or calls."

But you can, Wanda thinks. Granted, you're her roommate, so it's easier. But even when you have to go on work trips, you regularly text her no matter what time and squeeze in a quick call, even if it's just to say goodnight. 

The entire thing makes Wanda bite her tongue because why was she even thinking about that? That was completely irrelevant to Vision. 

Then—because as if just thinking about you wasn't enough—her eyes trail across the room, and the scene before her makes Wanda even more confused about her feelings.

You're standing there with Natasha at the bar, but it looks like Natasha's calling someone over to introduce you to them.

Another brunette with long, wavy hair, like she just had a blowout done. Wanda's not 100% sure from this distance, but she has an inkling that the brunette also has green eyes. She's wearing a white halter top and wide-legged sage green pants. She wears a lot of rings, but her makeup is lighter and more summery compared to Wanda's darker, smokey eye makeup.

In short, this woman was the clean girl aesthetic version of Wanda. 

And you look interested. 

This was ridiculous, Wanda fumes, feeling her stomach sink and cheeks flare hot in anger. As quick as the anger came, it dissipated.

Why was she so angry?

She feels betrayed, and her thoughts are turning very ugly. Wanda is definitely not being a girl's girl right now with how much she's thinking she's better than the girl in front of you. 

But that just makes everything so much more confusing. 

"Wanda?"

Wanda turns her head back to Vision. He looks concerned, and even when his eyes trail toward what Wanda's staring at, there's no additional reaction. He's not upset that she's staring at you, and that has to mean something, right?

It must mean there was never a concern about how Wanda might've felt about you. Sure, there were a few things Wanda couldn't be without, and you were one of them, but nobody can't be without their best friend. 

No one had ever blinked twice about you and Wanda.

Except now.

And that person was Wanda herself. 

The more Wanda thought about the entire thing, the more she became curious. The idea of you dating people who looked like Wanda was intriguing. She wanted to ask questions but didn't know what to ask.

It might mean nothing, but it also might mean something. 

And if it does mean something, Wanda wants to know what exactly it is. 

Therefore, Wanda needs nothing in her way to find out the truth and exactly what she wants, regardless of the answer. 

This was insane, wasn't it? Wanda's always been ambivalent about dating women. She's never gone out of her way to try it since she had Vision. Never mind entertaining thoughts about dating her best (girl)friend. And now, she was giving everything up in the pursuit of finding out what it could mean that her best friend was dating her lookalikes—and why she cared.

Wanda doesn't even know what she'll want to do with that information. 

Wanda looks at Vision, peering at his features she's always found handsome. When she thinks back, she's not even sure why she complained to you about how she hasn't seen or heard from him lately. She hadn't even gone out of her own way to do something about it.

"I'm not going on the trip. I don't think I actually missed you like that."

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷ 

The girl introduced to you was named Raye, Natasha's coworker that recently moved from Nashville. It was also confirmed she has green eyes, though they had specks of brown in them. She was a southern belle with a bold attitude, witty, and a wicked sense of humor. All in all, undeniably charismatic. 

At least, that's what you told her in private because all Wanda could feel was unrestricted aggravation with the other girl. The southern twang made Wanda's eye twitch, mostly because she knew you were head over heels for accents.  

"And then before I knew it, I was panicked and more lost than a blindfolded turkey on thanksgiving!"

You burst out laughing while Wanda's expression is stony, but when you look at Wanda, she forces a smile on her lips.

"Hahaha," Wanda dryly let out. "So funny."

But it wasn't. What the fuck did that even mean?

Raye continues to talk while you listen with rapt interest, and Wanda takes the time to observe your features in a way she's done many times before but with a different mindset. 

Your lips are curved in a smile, glistening from your chapstick. They're shapely, and they look soft. It rivals her favorite feature of yours, which is your eyes. They've always been so expressive with her, and Wanda's been around long enough that she knows what every expression means. She can tell when they glint with mischievousness or are soft with immense compassion and empathy. 

"So, what did you think of Raye?" You ask Wanda as you leave the party.

"She's cool, I guess," Wanda answers nonchalantly. 

The rest of the party was excruciating between Raye constantly hanging around you and Wanda also being too nervous to be alone with you. 

"Really cool," you sigh with a grin. "Glad I got her number. It's been a while since I've met someone so funny."

Was she funny, though? Wanda wonders.

"Funnier than me?" Wanda finds herself asking.

"No one could be funnier than you, brat," you smirk. "I almost peed myself laughing again when you almost knocked off Yelena's cake. I thought Natasha was about to enter into a coma." You snicker while Wanda rolls her eyes with a smile. 

"Glad I can always give you the biggest laughs, stinky."

Wanda glances over at your face, recognizing the excitement by the brightness in them. It's just another reminder that, as your best friend, she knows you like the back of her hand. 

But lately, when Wanda watches you pick up girls, she can tell when they're heady with desire. That look hasn't been directed at her, and Wanda wants to know what it'd be like if it were.

Wanda recalls the night you kissed the bartender and imagines if it had been her instead. She pictures your hand sliding across her jaw and cheek while your other pulls her closer at the waist. 

It's horrifying when a slow pit of arousal builds in Wanda's gut and...other regions. It feels utterly frightening and wrong like she's betraying the friendship for having and then reacting to such thoughts about you. 

But there's another part—the part that tells Wanda there's nobody in this world that she loves more than you. The mere idea of ever being apart from you was unfathomable. Wanda could and has endured so many things, and it would always be okay as long as she had you. 

So, knowing that Southern Belle Raye has the potential to be more than a one-night stand to you, Wanda realizes that she has a very small window to not only come to terms with her newfound feelings but also act on them as well. 

If this didn't go well, Wanda would definitely murder Steve.

PART TWO

[cyten0]

A Symphony in Crimson

A combination of the carrion!sif au originally by @traumaboyexo, and an Au I was working on before, to add elements of AdventureQuest World's Astravia. Enjoy!

Act 1: A Movement in Black

Chapter 1

In the Darkness, the monster hides To escape it’s prey’s dread fearful cries Yet it yearns the strength to meet the light Will it find friendship, or simply strife?

◉ “Siffrin?”

You open your eyes slowly. You were having such a nice nap. Mirabelle is standing above you.

◉ “Good Morning! Well, more like, good afternoon, I guess… Were you taking a nap? That’s just like you… Only you could sleep peacefully at a time like this, hehe!”

You nod.

◉ “I guess that’s smart… We better get some rest while we can! We have to be ready tomorrow, so we can finally face the king!

Your too sleepy to talk. It’s too bright, even with mira looming over you. You close your eye again.

◉ “...You're still half asleep aren’t you?”

✦ “mrrg”

◉ “Hm… Ok, then… You can sleep a little longer, but not too long! Come to the village when you're ready, Okay?”

You relax for just a bit more, listening to Mira’s steps away. She is right, you can’t sleep all day. Wake up Siffrin, you have a country to save.

You get up and pretend to stretch, double check and make sure Mira’s out of line of sight, then take a real stretch, hearing the snap of your bones and feel your skin stretch, before putting your body back into shape. Feels good to shuffle things around a little. After all, she’s right, you're going to fight the king tomorrow. Better keep yourself in shape, figuratively and literally.

Once you’re sure you look human, you head on over into town. You pass by a bird, and hear it chirp. It’s a really nice note! F, you think? You mimic it, and start humming a tune to it’s key as you go. Mirabelle is waiting for you, and starts humming along for a few seconds as you approach her.

◉ “Sounds like you had a good nap Siffrin!”

✦ “Yeah, it was pretty good. Solid 9/10”

��� “...Is it not a 10 because I woke you up?”

✦ “We’ll do better next time.”

◉ “I promise I’ll let you sleep in next time! So we can get the Elusive 10/10 score!!!”

You start getting ready to head into town when…

◉ “Oh wait! I had something I wanted to ask you!!!”

You stop and listen.

◉ “Um, I have an idea for tonight… This will be the night before we go fight the king, so I felt like we could make it special somehow… So, I was thinking, how about a sleepover? Let’s all eat good food together! Sleep in the same room! Maybe tell stories! I think there’s even a guitar in the clock-tower if you want to play something! It would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

That’s not really that different from what you usually do? The guitar bit is nice to know though! But she can see you're not particularly excited…

◉ “Ah… you think it’s silly, don’t you? I’m sorry… I was trying to find something fun to do tonight, but that’s all I could think of… It was… It was a stupid idea, wasn’t it...? Maybe we should forget about it…”

Oh no, you can smell the anxiety coming off of her! YOU MADE MIRABELLE UPSET!!!! You quickly try and recover!

✦ “N-no I think it’s fun!!! Let’s do it!!!”

◉ “Are you sure...? Alright then… Um… So if we’re doing it, can you let everyone know...? I… I don’t think I could convince everyone…”

Well you guess you have to now, but you suppose you WERE going to go out and check up on everyone anyways. Mirabelle tells you where everyone is, and then hands you a reminder note ‘just in case’.

>>>

You go to the change god statue and pretend to pray. You don’t bother actually praying, you doubt a god would care for a monster like you. But you do reminisce a bit. It’s been quite a journey so far, even if it’s just been a few months.

It was almost a year ago that the king appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. Possessing immense craft power, he spread his curse across Vaugarde, freezing in time everything in it’s path. With Dormont’s house of change under his control, he patiently waits, knowing the curse can only be reversed if he is defeated. Luckily for Vaugarde, There’s Mirabelle(◉). Your friend Mira is the only survivor of the house, and was given the ability to fight back the kings curse by presumably the change god. She was already questing for the orbs to unseal the house when you met her, some time after Isabeau(▲) and Odile(◆) had joined up. You saved them all from a particularly strong sadness while hunting, and they asked if you wanted to join. You didn’t have anything better to do, and decided to join them. A few weeks later, you met Bonnie(✿), rounding out your little group.

You saw a lot of Vaugarde during your travels. Quietly killed and ate a lot of sadnesses when the party wasn’t looking. Even as the kings curse got worse, you all kept going. They all had their own reasons, all really good. But you just joined because there was nothing better to do. You might be a monster, but you still felt you could help. What else could you do?

Once Mirabelle asked if you were okay, following them on a journey to save the country. She felt guilty, like she was forcing everyone to follow her on a hopeless quest. You wanted to put her at ease, so you said easily, and truthfully that traveling with everyone is the happiest you could remember being. She seemed upset. You cringe just thinking about it. Wasn’t exactly considerate of her situation. Talking is so hard. Well regardless, one way or another, your journey will be over tomorrow.

>>>

You finish talking to Isabeau and decide to go to the favor tree. As it looms above you, you walk closer, to find an appropriate leaf. You know how this works like the back of your hand, and a leaf is the first step. As you pick up the leaf, you think. This wishing ritual is probably very taxed right now. It’s really popular, with so many people wanting Vaugarde to be saved. The tree is already probably struggling to grant that one as is, drawing as much as it can from the stars. You should make a small wish, one that won’t be too hard. You don’t want to take anything away from a wish as big as salvation. A solution to the hunger is too big, and you’ve been handling it well enough so far. So what to wish for instead…

You have some ideas. But which one to go for? You also need to be specific, to help things out.… You remember Isa’s comment about being a clothing designer, when you were talking to him earlier. You’ve liked traveling with Isabeau. You joke a lot, but never talk about important things. You're glad to have heard that dream. You’d like to have the chance to play human at least long enough to see that dream come to fruition, and trying out some of his clothes would be really nice. Being able to have a keepsake of this party would mean a lot, and being able to see him smile from you wearing something he made would make you so happy. You honestly want to see where all of them end up. You want to stay with them!

You breath the wish into the leaf three times, fold it closed, and gently let the leaf go. There! That should be simple enough for the tree to handle, and can be done later too. Though, you swear you felt something when you made that wish. Probably just them marking you for later.

>>>

▲ “Phew, Bonbon… That was DE-LI-CIOUS!”

◆ “You keep getting better at cooking, Boniface. Those Samosas were fantastic.”

✿ “Really, it wasn’t bad? You liked it? I-I MEAN, OF COURSE IT WAS DELICIOUS. I’m a master cooker, you know!!!”

◆ “Chef”

✿ “I’m a chef cooker!!!”

◉ “That was the perfect meal Bonnie! We’ll all sleep well and have plenty of energy tomorrow!”

▲ “It was almost too much, to be honest… I don’t think I can move”

(You could have eaten WAY more. You ate a few sadnesses on the way here, but Bonnies cooking is so much better! They even made sure to get plenty of meat for you. Every bit counts.)

▲ “Aw Sif, you're still hungry?”

✿ “You eat so much Sif! You REALLY like my cooking! Here have some more”

Bonnie throws a carrot slice at you, and you catch it with your mouth. Non-meats aren’t great for you, but you can digest them eventually, and they taste great!

◆ “I’m just going to hope you don’t get stomach problems. Your diet is so strange. I don’t even know how you fit that much food inside you.”

✦ “I’m a growing kid.”

▲ “Your older then most people here?!?”

You wink cutely.

>>>

It’s the day to fight the king. You all easily went through the first sadnesses, reviewing tactics to assuage Mirabelle. You did make sure everyone was patched up after, so the smell of blood won’t distract you. But so far things are looking pretty good, until Mirabelle suddenly stops you all.

◉ “WAIT!!!”

✿ “Gwah!!! What? What is it?”

◉ “Sorry for screaming, sorry, sorry! Um, I, um… I… don’t know if this is relevant, but… I, um… I recognize this corridor.”

◆ “Oh?”

◉ “I recognize it… The head housemaiden of this house used to warn us about it… I think… I think she called it the ‘Death Corridor’!!!”

▲ “Oh that sounds bad!”

◉ “The house may be a safe building, but with the king here, some traps may have been activated…”

✦ “Sounds like a job for me.”

▲ “Protect us oh trap master!”

You start taking a look, and pull out your tinkering tools, in case you find something. Maybe there will even be spare parts you can use! That said, there’s not much in this hallway the trap could be hiding in though, save a couple pillars. You doubt a peaceful place like the house has anything too complicated, so if there’s a switch, it’d be somewhere easy to reach and locate. So Pillars it is! You go around checking each pillar, and end up finding nothing. Oh well. Better reassure Mira.

◉ “So? So??? Are we safe? We’re not safe, are we, this is the Death Corridor…”

✦ “Don’t worry, It’s fine. There’s nothing weird here.”

◉ “But there must be!!!”

▲ “Aw, Mira…”

✿ “Belle, Belle, don’t worry about it. Frin might not be good at much, but they know stuff about traps.”

Hey.

◆ “Right, If we can’t trust in Siffrin’s capabilities NOW, it doesn’t bode well for later…”

HEY

◉ “But, but—”

✦ “We’re not dead yet right? We’ve been in here a bit, and I’ve walked the whole room, if there was anything, it would’ve triggered by now.”

▲ “Exactly! It’s all fine!”

◉ “Oh…… yeah! Yeah, Okay! I’ll believe you! Sorry… for worrying… I’m a little on edge…”

✦ “We’re good Mira. See?”

✦ “Everything’s fine.”

With a sudden click, you realize too late something rushing down towards you, until you feel your entire body being crushed. Your bones cracking, your muscles flattened, you can’t muster the strength to stop it, you can’t even escape! As you feel the weight slowly crush your core, You feel a tug on your heart

《《《《《《《《《《《《

Huh?

◉ “Siffrin?”

You open your eyes. Mirabelle is standing above you.

◉ “Good Morning! Well, more like, good afternoon, I guess… Were you taking a nap? That’s just like you… Only you could sleep peacefully at a time like this, hehe!”

◉ “I guess that’s smart… We better get some rest while we can! We have to be ready tomorrow, so we can finally face the king!

You just stare at her.

◉ “...You're still half asleep aren’t you?”

◉ “Hm… Ok, then… You can sleep a little longer, but not too long! Come to the village when your ready, Okay?”

… huh? HUH?? Hold on…

DID YOU JUST DIE??

You did! You think!? You went into the house, got crushed by a rock, and now you're back in the meadow, back in dormont, and what Mirabelle just said to you, waking you up, was very familiar???

But ARGH! The trap, the trap!!! You idiot! You stupid fool! You didn’t take it seriously, you KNEW you were still adjusting to only using one eye, you should have used the real eyes! They wouldn’t have noticed, and instead you got taken out IMMEDIATELY! You didn’t even get a chance to see the king!!!

Your job is to be lookout, to be the perceptive, fast one, and you couldn’t even get that right and you DIED. Can’t even be a monster right and survive stuff like that because you didn’t hunt enough food beforehand!!! You hold back an unholy screech of frustration as you squirm and writhe within your own skin, your stomach hurts and you feel like your going to break and STARS you’re USELESS!!!

Ok… You're over it now. You take a deep breath iiiiiiiin. and ouuuuuuut. You take your shaking body, and press yourself against the grass, settling yourself into place.

Ok. You died. That’s one thing. But now your alive. And it’s apparently the day before. You went... back in time? Ok, that makes sense. Well not really, but maybe it’ a monster thing? At least you were in the lead. Judging by where you were, you doubt the trap got anyone else. You're glad it wasn’t any of the real people. Just the monster.

But… You're back… How? Why? And… Can you change things?

...Back to work Siffrin. You have a country to save.

When you get the chance, come to the favor tree. We have much to discuss!

...Was that a voice in your head? Ok, that’s unexpected. You suppose you’ll head there, but first things first, you have to chat with Mirabelle...

>>>

So far so good. You confirmed with the talk with Mira that you can change things, and that others don’t seem to remember. But, scientific method, you should do something with Isabeau too, but to make sure. And maybe you can speed things up? You can talk to him a little later, but you need to find out who the hell that voice was. It could be dangerous, you don't know if you attracted the attention of something bad. Regardless, you need to deal with it quickly, and don't want Isa at risk. Hm. Something like…

✦ “Hey, Isa, I need to do the favor tree thing!”

▲ “Oh! No problem, I’ll get out of your way. Feel free to chat later!”

Success! Though, you don’t like socially shoving him to the side like that. You’ll apologize later, and ask if there’s anything weird. But for now, you need to check out the favor tree. Cautiously, with a hand on your dagger, you get close and start searching around, not seeing anything. When suddenly...

In a flash of Red, a being appears before you. They sit on the tree, dressed on a suit like the conductor of an orchestra, the chest open revealing a glowing star, their hands windows into a night sky. And their face stares at you, with long glowing white hair floating around a lightless mask, revealing only their eyes.

✦ “Uh, hello, stranger.”

✸ “… Hello, stranger.”

[everygame]

Not Tonight

Developed/Published by: PanicBarn / No More Robots Released: 31/01/2020 Completed: 10/01/2025 Completion: Got the “good” ending!

It’s 2025 and we’re coming up on five years of Brexit, so what better time to play Not Tonight, PanicBarn’s Brexit satire? It’s not just because I scrolled backwards on my Switch to find the earliest game that I’d bought and not played or anything. It’s definitely because of the anniversary.

A long time ago, I was critical of Papers, Please for casting the player as a border agent in a fictional non-western country, arguing that it would bite far more if you were actually playing a TSA agent or something. To be honest, I do think I was being a bit inflexible (I mean, allegory is fine! I love Andor!!!) but it’s really nice to play Not Tonight and see a game that is not just like “I know writers who use subtext, and they’re cowards” but positively gleeful about it. The contrast between Papers, Please and Not Tonight had me going: you know what? Garth Marenghi was right.

In Not Tonight, you play as a Brit who has been stripped of their citizenship due to the vagaries of Brexit, and you are forced by an odious immigration agent to work as a bouncer in order to survive and pay him off. To not be completely bleak however the game also features a thread of resistance, as you can in small ways work to undermine the government’s ever-increasing xenophobia.

In some respects, Not Tonight feels more vital than ever. The game presents a UK that gets more and more shite as the game goes on, and I think there’s a chance that if you played it even a few months earlier you might have gone “well, the UK is getting more and more shite, but it’s not as bad as this game is making it out to be.” However, in the cold light of a Trump re-election and the lame-duck Labour government grasping at straws that all seem to say “fuck immigrants” or "uh... AI?" on them, it’s hard not to see a future coming quickly in which things get worse much quicker. I mean while I was playing this there was a huge right-wing civil war over skilled visas in the USA, that bell-end Elon Musk argued Nigel Farage wasn’t right-wing enough for him (because he wouldn’t support literal white supremacist Stephen Yaxley-Lennon!?) and a poll showed that if another election happened Reform would smash it.

It really does feel like we’re living on the precipice of another event like when Liz Truss crashed the UK economy, except instead of it all being taken back and months later Liz Truss claiming that it’s libelous for anyone to say she crashed the UK economy, whoever in charge will skip right to delusion without the “take it all back” part.

It’s grim.

Anyway, Not Tonight is very much “Brexit Papers, Please” in terms of most of the play is going to be looking at documents under time pressure, and choosing to let people in or not, with penalties and failure tied to, well, how well you can look at documents under pressure. Initially I was like “this isn’t fun” and then I was like “oh yeah, this is fun” but the problem is that you hit “this is repetitive” way, way before the game is over.

As much as Not Tonight adds wrinkles to the proceedings–now you have to scan people, now the criteria are different, etc.–the game can’t really escape that you’re doing the same few inputs over and over basically forever. There does come a point where the game is almost second nature, and you’re just speeding through it, but I can’t say that bends the experience around to “fun” again. It’s more sort of… blessedly untroubling. 

I suppose it could have been much worse–the game takes place across 3 months in a year, and when you start playing it’s January, and about halfway through the month you definitely think “fuck I can’t do twelve months of this shit.” It’s probably about a month too long, but there’s a rule of three so I know why they stretched it out a bit.

(To be honest, the problem might be that the months break the rule of three by being four weeks long, and each month that last week feels like filler. I guess PanicBarn will have to take this up with the Babylonians.)

So, it’s too long, and–most disappointingly–the game fizzles out completely at the end, with a climax that feels rushed and unrewarding. In fact, it’s a touch undermining; the game is thematically strong in its sense of place, but narratively doesn’t seem to work towards any meaningful critique. I didn’t need some sort of “Love Conquers All” Brazil ending, but a “and then everything was fine” title card is the worst of both worlds.

Despite saying all that, I liked Not Tonight, and I think it is because of the context I played it in–it may be a broad satire, but it’s not like it’s not right! Things are fucked!

Will I ever play it again? There’s a DLC that came with it that continues the story on with a side-character that I find the idea of charming enough, but as I said above, the game outstays its welcome just enough that I’m not too bothered about playing it. Maybe one day though, after a long enough break.

Final Thought: Something the game misses interrogating too deeply, sadly, is the player’s own role in post-Brexit society. It doesn’t take any moral stance on if it’s acceptable to work turning away potentially desperate people when you work jobs on the border as you are forced to and have no way to subvert your role, which I think is a bit too “only following orders” for my liking. In the same sphere in the game design there’s a exploit of sorts in that if you buy a particular set of clothes you can sell drugs with no cost to your “social score” and be massively rich by about halfway through the game, and I was struck that I didn’t just sell drugs to make the money–I did it because I was embodying the role of someone who didn’t give a fuck about anything except my own selfish survival because of how the country was treating me. 

I think both of those things would have been really interesting to force the player to consider, and the subtleties of culpability would have helped the satire hit home harder. I mean, I already know things are fucked, and I know it’s the fault of the cunts in charge. But I also think it’s fair to be asked: well, what am I doing about it? What are you doing about it?

Are we just surviving?

Is that enough?

Every Game I’ve Finished 14>24 is OUT NOW! You can pick it up in paperback, kindle, or epub/pdf. You can also support Every Game I’ve Finished on ko-fi! You can pick up digital copies of exp., a zine featuring all-exclusive writing at my shop, or join as a supporter at just $1 a month and get articles like this a week early.

[cipher26]

this is truly a tmi but i have no friends to talk to about this stuff so here i am, yet again.

hooked up with a guy from tinder tonight. first time having sex. i'm quite proud of myself for going through with it instead of chickening out. i'm also quite surprised at how not nervous i was, which is either testament to my maturity and Growth™️, or a result of the anxiety meds which must be working wonders, absolutely top quality product right there. 10/10

it was also interesting that like...not only was i not nervous and less awkward than normal, but it didn't feel like...shocking? idk i lost the word i wanted, but like touching someone and having them touch me just felt normal. it wasn't weird or embarrassing or whatever, which again...testament to the cocktail of drugs im on lmao. but anyway, idk. i'm a pretty lowkey person to begin with, but it is hard to tell how you'll react to certain situations until you're there.

anyway it was great actually. i mean the guy was fine, attractive but also kinda basic like... the "do we really need a condom?" kind of basic which was almost funny. textbook "high school peer pressuring boy from the examples in sex ed class" kind of basic. it def wasn't romantic in any way, which is probably better for me at this moment. also it didn't last very long lol, and i didn't cum. not surprising but i did have some hope. thank goodness for the toys i have at home. and then i just left.

i'm sure most people would be shocked or appalled that my first time wasn't "special" or whatever (i didn't tell him i was a virgin, i told him "it's been a long time" cause i'm not gonna date the guy and didn't want to deal with that drama, and also i've used toys so it wasn't my first rodeo in a lot of ways).

but the thing is, most of the moments in my life that were supposed to be special, these milestones people romantacize, they were never that special for me. in fact i missed out on most of those life events entirely, for reasons. so this was really on brand for my life i guess. i'm just glad it was on my terms.

oh also it was truly just a quick fuck, there was no kissing involved, which is even funnier when you think about it cause i've never been kissed cause no one cares about me. lmao. my life is so ass backwards i can only laugh about it at this point.

i will say, it was an amazing confidence boost though. physically i'm in the worst shape i've ever been in, and have been convinced my whole life that no one could possibly find me attractive. but he did. i actually felt sexy. and suddenly i don't feel so... different i guess. idk i'm not saying the words right, but you know what i mean she says to the ether. i genuinely think the adhd meds have also helped, because i've been taking care of myself more lately, in some ways anyway. definitely not with eating food... so i think that helped me have enough confidence to even go for it in the first place. i almost didn't out of habit, but then i was like "bitch you are on this app for literally one reason..."

and also i walked into a bodega and bought condoms and didn't feel weird or embarrassed about that either...

honestly i have been wondering if these meds have maybe numbed my personality a bit, cause there are a lot of things going wrong in my life right now and yet i don't feel the familiar ache and coldness of the depression. but maybe this is how normal people function all the time, and i'm not being numbed i'm just feeling what normal people feelings are supposed to feel like for the first time ever, lmfao. i need a focus group of neurotypicals to compare notes with. "so these barely there feelings is how you experience life all the time? it's not an extreme rollercoaster of emotion? weird." lol.

anyway that's enough of that. i did jokingly say to myself earlier "you should lose your virginty before you have to move back in with family in a month, and for the forseeable future" and i didn't think it would actually happen but then it did lol. high five to myself.

anyway if you're still reading this for whatever reason, and you relate to my anxiety/depression/adhd fun factory combo, and you haven't talked to a doctor about trying meds to help manage, i highly recommend you do. i was so against it for so long, and it took me many years to admit that i needed help. and not just that, but that i WANTED help because i was so tired of struggling every day. but it has been such a relief. it's taken over a year of trying and adjusting meds (and convincing the doc that i definitely have adhd) to get to this point, but it's been so worth it. i feel like i'm finally getting to a place where im actually able to live my life, aside from the I'm Broke factor, and i know for a fact i would be a mess without the antidepressants because i'm literally in the middle of losing everything i've worked for for the past 15+ years, including my home, literally, and yet im able to get out of bed and exist and even laugh! that absolutely would not have been the case 2 years ago. so if you need help, please don't be afraid to ask for it. it's so worth it.

strange moral lesson to end this post with but.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[keefiswhoiam]

August 08 - 2024 Thursday

10:52pm

5/10

I recovered today, I think I got everything out of my system yesterday. The problems still persist but at least I'm in a state to address them now.

Today was mostly the usual. We watched the Rugrats Paris movie on stream and it was very good. I started very late so I finished at lunch time. I wasn't very hungry for some reason so I just made a little soup. In the afternoon I had a bit of fun talking to people in VRchat while I worked, there were some interesting people. I got an icon and banner made for my book club group and worked on an idea of me and DS. Then I worked some more on my pony avatar but it's going slower than I'd like.

TK and I were supposed to hang out today, I told her I'd be chillin while I worked and she offered we go to this art gallery event when I was done working. But she did some shrooms and couldn't hang out anymore which kinda bummed me out because I need the socialization. I went to the art thing anyways and met this very nice lady who showed me her stuff and told me about the art group and actually asked about me a lot too. She was high apparently. I left to make dinner.

DS and I didn't have much time tonight and she will be out this weekend with her friends. I am happy for her but I will also miss her, as usual I was hoping to drink or something in VR or do other fun stuff. And for some reason I felt really mushy and poetic this evening, I even spent the night writing a poem.

I was lonely today and being ditched didn't help. Talking with strangers doesn't help much either. But I am dysfunctional, I struggle to feel seen in the presence of others almost all the time. Even people who are close with me. So the good news is that it is on my end and I can change it with enough effort.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary214

4/16-17/2024

tuesday - wednesday

feeling better today.

and still feeling better little bit by bit. i did something kinda dumb and jumped on buying a new laptop this morning and then decided, not that one, another one that's from acer instead of lenovo cuz i don't want something made too badly, i suppose. so now i am waiting on that cancellation to go thru, get my money back, and then by this other one that should be better than the lenovo thing. the only thing that had going for it was that it had like 24 gb of ram + 2 tb ssd, and that's maybe whatever, basically i know i need at least 16 + 1 tb, this thing i have doesn't even have an ssd and the it's 12gb of ram, the cpu is is like, from 2016, this new one would be like a 2023 cpu, it'd just be an upgrade in such a serious way, almost entirely i think. it'd be very nice and honestly? i am just thinking about all the stickers i have collected that i have been waiting to put on a laptop. i am so freaking excited about that... there's this sticker i have of a stuffed animal bear with its guts out, there's this sticker of cute cherubim flying around and it's shiny... there's a bunch of others... there's a yume nikki sticker. like omg... it will be soooo cute. cuter than this one, which is still cute. but not way cute. if i have a cute machine... i'll at least feel 10% cuter daily and that'll make me a little less crazy maybe.

anyway, today i made a new guitar tone for some of the problem songs and i think it's maybe basically perfect, so i'll see about that later i gueszzszss, i wanna listen tomorrow instead of immediately after exporting, in album context, just to see how it all comes off and maybe tomorrow will be good for vocals too. we'll see. i go in at 6 so i have time...

i hope, at least. i could waste it all. maybe this order cancellation will go badly but it's not like the order really had the chance to process fully. so it should be okay, i imagine.

listening to this now. conqueror is a good record i need to go back to it.

god now i am listening to this:

when i was in highschool, this was like, one of the most important songs ever, to me, between all the fucked up screamo stuff, weird electronic music, industrial stuff, there was this thing, it weighed on me more than any gy!be song, this felt like, i dunno, it puts me in a state of incoherence but i'll try to speak it, it was that kind of feeling you get, i knew i was headed into a future of some kind, it was really violently hitting me at various points, but especially senior year i think, the skull-cap of life had been opened up, and there was just this new firmament visible from the interior, i was caught in there staring out, the bone-white rim and black sky, a whole nothing arriving, a monstrous tide, and i understood it, and was part of it, i was bound for it, it's not like, death, it really was the dimness of the possible, where no light is because it is undifferentiated, that sort of yawning void crawled into me, and i felt the weight of the world and felt much of it as a kind of waste, cheapness surrounding me, you feel this lovely and swelling thing in those moments which are cheap, minor, standing in parking lots under cloudy skies, waiting for the bus to come take you home, stuff like that.

wow, you can see my old comment from 7 years ago on that. i feel so dumb seeing myself online but there's something sweet about that i guess, so like, whatevs.

how strange it is to see myself. it makes me kind of sad i guess. i am the thing i always was which is what i want to be. but i wonder if that means there's something wrong or whatever.

because i had to run to work, i could not read. tomorrow i need to and also i need to read some of that hito steyerl book tomorrow. it's like, good to read those kinds of essays. i read an essay tonight also,

this was interesting . i guess one thought not against but questioning it, is wonder if maybe the borderline experience is, while an expression of need for ways out, desire for revolt, and efforts toward that, if it still emerges from/in response to and so somewhat crafted by an apparatus of individualizing disciplines? i don't know. i know that in many ways, this analysis here is right, it is a response and expression of this need for a way out, and i don't want to say it's like, a 'condition' of useless thrashing, i don't think it is, but i do think that maybe it's helpful to imagine it as the need and desire for revolt expressed, rather than the revolt itself. instantiations of the need and drives, maybe even tiny mobilizations of those things, but i guess here what i am responding to is the sense that it is 'one,' not in a one of many way, but the response, an almost ideal one, when in truth i don't really want to foreclose on any potentiality, but i don't think the author here is doing that, i just tend to see that in things i guess because i am a freak or something.

it's hard to have too many thoughts on it, but i do like it, i also need to get to another essay i saw on that ill will website, about ecofascism i think.

anyway i need to sleep now, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!

[nathank77]

3/23/24

4:08 p.m Updated and Edited

Today I woke up at 3:40 p.m. I took only a chunky half at the start of my night. I took it at 5:25 a.m and my eyes got so heavy by 6:25 I skipped using mouth wash. I time when i use it. You should brush and let the fluoride set in for 30 minutes and then use mouth wash. That's something I learned from chrest whitening strips.

Anyways, I woke up at 10:40 a.m with a full bladder. I tried like hell to ignore it. However it got to the point that I knew I was sabotaging myself. So I got up and peed. I laid back down. My stomach hurt... and I couldn't fall back to sleep for 15 minutes. I didn't have any mental pictures. Mental pictures that randomly pop are how I know I'm falling asleep I know that sounds weird, but they randomly pop and it's all kinds of things. And once they are in motion I know I'm about to get put down.

I try not to make the mental images as I can make an elephant right now squirt water out of his trunk. I try to have them happen naturally and randomly cause when I make them it doesn't seem to work in terms of passing back out. I also try to think of my last dream or other dreams I had and I remember vividly as that helps a little.When I lay there with my eyes closed I just listen to American dad or whatever.

So after 15 minutes I decided to pop a Benadryl. Just 1 Benadryl... they are at every store in America almost and you may have a cap of how many bottles you can buy a day at say Walmart. You can't buy like thousands at one place... I think anyways. But if you needed thousands, you could go to Walmart, cvs, walgreens, target, stop and shop and buy like 200-300 pills. So I figured to make sure I got more than 4 hours of sleep, it was worth it.

I didn't touch the hydroxyzine. It's not a controlled substance but it's a prescription and I'd like to stock up and only touch it when I really need it.

I'm disappointed that I couldn't ignore needing to pee. I'm even more disappointed that I have/had to resort to more drugs to fall back asleep...

If i had woken up at like 12-2 I would have not take the Benadryl... even if I hadn't gotten my 7 hours as it will knock me out longer and I'm trying to make sure my half doses stay effective...

Today marks 3 days on the half doses knocking me out without any other drugs... I HATE that I had to take the Benadryl 4 hours later.. but it's whatever I got to sleep. I especially had to today cause I was supposed to be going to my dad's house for Lori's Birthday..

When I woke up at 1040 skye was like trying to chase me down and I was like I can't talk, I kept my eyes closed as I walked down the hallway and as I peeded. I try very hard to not lose the ability to fall back to sleep... either way she said dad needs us to be there by 430 and no later...I said okay..

And by the time I woke up it was 340 and Skye was already on her way... I assumed skye was being a bitch cause maybe she wanted to leave earlier, later tonight or something but come to find out some of our family would be there and they didn't want to wait around... it def makes me feel better about skye.. not so much dad. Just schedule it at 5 or 5:30...

I told him my circadian rhythm is fucked up and getting my 7 hours is critical to my recovery and just my ability to function... and beyond that I told them I was on benzos not sedative hypnotics and that's why I can't fix my circadian rhythm or take the drug at a normal person sleeping time. Either way I'm not going now. I'm upset but I guess I get to stay in the house for 2 days and not do much of anything. My body needs it...

Anyways I had a series of dreams but one of them was very distinct... I was in prison working in the prison and we had to go to this underground part with lots of hallways and it went on for miles, we had to dig out the hallways or something but we were exposed to toxic gas and had to wear these face mask breathing things... I barely wore mine, I often was standing near the two guys I was with and I realized I didn't have my mask on and I would put it back on but nonetheless not too long after it wasn't on anymore...

I remember going deeper and deeper with these 2 other guys... as we dug it out and revealed many long hallways... I believe we were using night vision...

The weird part about it is, we traveled from our prison to the underground one on a roller coaster... there have been a lot of roller coasters in my dreams recently.. a lot a lot.... I assume it is symbolic of being stuck on this ride of psychosis and having no choice but to finish it until it ends. I dreamt about meeting a girl at this mall/college who liked me and we hit it off two nights ago... and we had to take a roller coaster in our college/mall to get to a certain floor and I got off at an earlier stop cause I was scared and didn't want to go the whole way..

Either way back to the important dream, we road in on a roller coaster and I remember the deeper we got in that prison as we found our way back I was like where I am when I looked at the roller coaster and the guys were like this is how we got down here....

Also I noticed that despite the fact that we came down with an entire crew, me and the 2 other guys were the only people working....

Another key factor was the prison lied and told us we were clearing it out for paranormal investigators.. when I was alone with the two other boys I said I don't think this is haunted and one of them, "no duh" and the other said, "the prison system is over crowded, people are actually going to have to live here and we could be forced to be enprisoned underground once they fix the toxic air quality issue."

When we went back to the roller coaster once again I was confused as to where we were and they said the entrance. Everyone was sitting at table benches in what was like a lunch room. other than us 3. There were prob 20 people sitting there. There was a woman above us in what looked like a baseball field but it was the only part of the prison that showed grass and had natural light.. the only window per say. Like an above sky light.

And I guess we all started talking about how we might end up living in the underground prison... and the woman above screamed this out in terror, "when I'm down there, I forget my name!" The dream ended there.

I know why I dreamed it, I know why she was the end of it... it was about the psych ward again... being trapped. Losing your personhood there. You know I walked around shirtless exposing my trans identity the entire time I was at the psych ward cause they couldn't take my scars away from me. I felt like I was a number and no longer a person.

If somehow they got me to stay at an institution long term, I would have turned into a zombie and forgotten my name.

I mentioned I dream often of roller coasters.. I always get off the ride and I'm okay, whether I get off them early or when I'm supposed to... I really think it's symbolic of being stuck on this ride of psychosis... in the other dream I had there were like multiple floors to get to mine in this mall/college and I got off at the first stop cause I was scared...in this prison dream there were only two stops one at the bottom and one at the top and we were being forced to be down there..

Also I guess I'll go back over ptsd:

1) I have flashbacks constantly. Everyday.

2) I have insomnia but obv psychosis triggered it without my weed... but nonetheless I have found ways to make living/sleeping with this auditory hallucination more copable... its it is easier and actually possible to sleep with drugs but I can't sleep without them, and TV at a certain volume. Etc.. I do have sleep disturbances. I wake myself up talking now..... legit saying full sentences... I wake up frequently. I can't stay asleep for more than 3 or 4 hours... when i used to stay asleep for like 5-8 hours straight sometimes 10... I've been falling asleep quickly recently that's why I want to kick myself for taking Benadryl... but it's whatever. I got 8 hours and feel great. And I didn't take it at the same time... hopefully it doesn't fuck anything up. Also I could pee back in the day and pass right back out...

Either way i have sleep disturbances.

3) lastly repeated dreams of the event. I may not qualify for really having ptsd... but the symptom list grows. The reoccurring dreams of me sliding down that hill with water with the Marijuana plant at top which is clearly symbolic of weed being why I'm at rock bottom. As well as psych ward dreams. Roller coasters to locations where I lose control. I'm never scared. However I always know I'm stuck. And can't get out.. the prison was a psych ward. Even though it wasn't.

[officiallyjm]

Zaria

It was a Friday morning and normally I don't wake up this early but I have work tonight and I feel like it's better to start my day off right. My alarm sounded, and I immediately became annoyed so I just decided to get up anyway because I have a breakfast date with Jimin. I honestly forgot about him, because this week has been so hectic but nevertheless, I have to get ready to see the bestie. I really need to check the weather outside so I can be prepared for today, actually, scratch that I need to call Jimin so I can figure out what to wear.

"Hey Siri FaceTime jay bae" rinnggggg .......ringggg ........ Ringgggg........

"Hello," said Jimin.

"Hey, babes!!! I called you to figure out what to wear for our breakfast date this morning," I exclaimed.

"I am wearing a pair of black skinny jeans, with a white shirt, my black jean jacket, and my click clacks," Jimin explained while driving to my house.

"Okay, sounds great, I think I'll match with you. Are you on the way over here now? Cause I haven't showered yet and you know it takes me a long time to get ready," I said in a frustrated manner.

"Yeah I'm on the way, you should have woken up sooner because we have had this planned for two weeks so there's no excuse for you to not be ready," Jimin exclaimed.

"Well I guess you're right, Can't you wait for me? You are the king of running late, but when I do it there's a problem," I semi-yelled with a bit of annoyance hidden in my voice.

" Zaria watch how you talk to daddy you know I don't like it when you talk back. You wouldn't want to walk into work wobbling like you did last Friday, do you?" He questioned while having the biggest smirk on his face.

" Wanna bet? I'll see you later Daddy or should I say shortie?" I say while laughing and hanging up in Jimin's face so I can go and get ready.

I turned the shower on so that by the time I picked out my clothes the water would be hot. I walked into my closet and turned the light on hoping that I could find something in a timely manner. What I saw shocked me because I don't remember the last time I actually cleaned my closet. There were clothes and shoes everywhere and I didn't have much time to look for anything because Jimin would be arriving in 15 minutes.

I looked to the right of me and saw an orange crop top and I looked to the left of me and saw some tan cargo pants and my orange Converse. I need to hop in the shower so that I can do my skincare really quickly because I haven't washed my face in days.

                                                        #

"I hope he gets stuck in traffic or something because I know when he sees that I'm not ready he's gonna kill me," I laughed to myself. I was doing my skincare and I heard banging at the door and it startled me, causing me to drop my niacinamide in the sink. After I picked that up and screwed the top on it, I slowly walked down the stairs to get to the front door and looked out the peephole to see Jimin standing there with flowers in his hand.

"Awe are these for me?"I asked while grabbing the flowers and allowing him to come inside so I could close and lock the front door.

"Of course, they are what other brat am I supposed to give these flowers to? And what was all that stuff that you were talking about on the phone?"Jimin teased as he gripped my waist.

"Well I guess you have a point there but I need to finish getting ready for our date, you can come in the bathroom with me. That was my Gemini sister Monica talking on the phone, please forgive her for her behavior," I beg as I drag him towards the bathroom.

"Okay fine just make it quick, we have a reservation for 11:00 and it's 10:38 right now. And don't let that little incident happen again because you almost brought the Libra out of me," he winked at me as he positioned himself on the sink.

Okay", I said smiling, while brushing my edges and fixing the bun on top of my head.

                                                       #

"Jimin, I truly enjoyed myself today. With the rough week I've been having, I needed this break. I love that I always have a friend like you that always has my back," I say while trying to wipe the stray tears away from my now watery eyes.

"Hey, hey, hey look at me, don't ever let me see you cry again. You're too beautiful to be crying, you know that I will always be here for you sunshine. No one and I mean no one can break us apart, our friendship will forever be solid," Jimin explained to me while pulling me into a warm comforting hug. He knew how I grew up and just seeing me achieve so much in my life made him even more proud of me.

"Okay sorry about that I don't know why I got so emotional right then, anyway I unfortunately have to get ready for work tonight. I'm kind of dreading it but knowing you'll be there eases me somewhat. Thank you so much for today, I haven't had this much fun in ages," I said pulling away from the hug, and then they started walking up to my doorstep with Jimin slowly following behind me like a lost puppy.

"Like I said it's no problem but I know you have to get ready for work so I'll see you later baby girl. And you know you can always text or call me if you need me at any time," he said. He kissed my forehead and walked back to his car while waiting for me to walk into the apartment building.

I waved goodbye and dropped everything by the door so I could start rushing to get ready for an eventful night at work. "Okay so all I need to do is run a bath and pick my clothes out and I need to call and check up on the girls to see how they're feeling." I thought to myself as I scrambled to get ready for work.

                                                     #

I think I'm going to call the girls and let them know that I'm on my way to hell.

" Incoming call from Gia," said Siri. I pressed the answer button as I was adding the lip liner to my lips using the car mirror so I could see.

"Well, I guess they beat me to it," I thought to myself as I answered the call.

"Hey girls," I said to Gia and Xiley while letting the car warm up because I haven't driven it in a while and I definitely do not want engine problems because I didn't let my car warm up.

" What are you doing? Are you on your way to work?" They asked as I was getting ready to pull out of the driveway. I was trying to check my work bag to make sure that I had everything in there because with this job I need to be prepared for any type of situation.

"Yeah I'm pulling out of the driveway now, I'll just be a little early today because I'm leaving early instead of late like you Gia,"I explained as I was shifting my gear to drive.

"Are any of y'all at work yet 'cause I don't want to be there by myself, especially on a Friday night?" I said as I was cruising down the road with the windows down enjoying the city air that I was breathing in.

"Yeah I'm here Zaria and it is a little busy but it's nothing that the great trio can't handle," Xiley exclaimed.

"Okay well I'm about 5 minutes away from the club so I'll see y'all in a bit," I said while taking deep breaths. I'm still confused as to why I chose to work in a club knowing I hate this type of scenery.

Maybe it's because of the good pay or maybe I actually enjoy serving some of the nice customers that come through those doors. All of those maybe's are uncertain, what I do know is that if my friends weren't working alongside me then I'd probably find a job that I actually enjoy and that I am more comfortable at.

"Hello and thank you," I said to the bouncer as he opened the club door for me. I'm not really ready but it's a Friday night and the club is always packed during the weekend.

I am kinda introverted so the club isn't really my type of scene, but when we have the right staff working and we have our regular customers I feel really comfortable. I'm kinda here early but that gives me time to prep the bar before the club gets really packed.

"Hey girl, what time did you get here?" I said to Xiley as I was putting my belongings in one of the lockers.

"Hey girl I got here maybe 15 minutes before you got here and girl let me tell you it's some fine men here tonight," she said as she was getting ready to go back out onto the floor.

"Yeah, girl I'll believe it when I see it you know we mainly get regulars and we get newcomers on rare occasions," I say as I was twisting the dial on the lock to ensure that one would be able to get into my locker while I was gone.

"You'll be surprised," she said as she walked back into the club to start serving bottles to people in the VIP room and to people that were on the dance floor. I highly doubt that anyone in this club tonight is actually good-looking tonight but why do I care?

I'm just here to make money so I can go home. As I approach the door I look at the schedule for the night on the right side of the door and I look to see that I am working in the regular part of the club tonight. This isn't great for me because that means less money that can go to my paint supplies, but it's okay because I do work in the VIP lounge sometimes.

Welp, I guess it's time for me to go and prep my station so that I won't have to run back and forth between the storage room and the bar to refill the alcohol bottles when rush hour comes.

"Ugh, these bottles are so heavy idk why I carried all of them at once," I say while walking to the bar area. I placed a tray of alcohol on the bar and then BOOM. "Owww," I said as I rubbed my head while sitting on the ground trying to figure out what happened. I tried standing up but I saw a hand reach out so of course I took it.

"Sorry about that Zaria, I truly didn't see you standing right there," said Joe with a smirk on his face as he was helping me up.

"It's fine," I said while dusting myself off and adjusting my top.

"I'm kinda glad I ran into you because I really need you to work the red room tonight," he said while looking at my cleavage and licking his lips.

"Ummm where's your favorite bartender Jennie? Did she not show up today as usual or did you tell her that she could be 2 or 3 hours late for her shift?" I said, crossing my arms because this is not out of the ordinary for them, sometimes I swear they have something going on.

He really pisses me off because favoritism is crazy, if me, Gia, and Xiley pulled the stunts she did we would be fired.

"You're lucky I'm in a good mood tonight because if not you would be fired, but to answer your question I don't know where she is but that doesn't matter. I need you to be the bartender for the night whether you like it or not. So go and prep the bar downstairs and stop fucking complaining and do the job that you're barely good at," he said while walking away from me in a hurry.

Xiley walked up to me and I told her about the conversation between me and Joe. I asked her to work with me in the red room because Jennie hadn't come in for her shift yet and we needed a bottle girl downstairs. Plus I didn't want to be alone with all of those men.

I know this nigga did not insult my work ethic and then proceed to sit here and talk to me like I'm a child. I swear I can't stand this job, at this point either I'm gonna cuss his ass out or I'm gonna go outside and take a breather.

Let's weigh my options if I cuss him out I'm going to be fired and I probably won't be hired at any other club in this vicinity. Or I can choose option B and still have a job, ...... sigh....... I think I need to take a breather before I lose my shit.

I grabbed my jacket and walked outside of the club I don't know if it was the cold air or if reality just struck but I couldn't help but cry. Damn, I need to stop being so emotional all the time I think as I slouch to sit on the stairs that's on the side of the club.

"What's wrong beautiful?" The deep voice asked as he closed the door to come and sit down beside me.

"Hi sorry to disturb you, I was just getting ready to leave," I said standing up quickly and adjusting my jacket getting ready to leave.

"Waitt, I didn't mean to scare you, I just wanted to explore the club and I stumbled upon this door and I heard a woman crying so I wanted to check it out," the mysterious man said, grabbing my wrist to prevent me from leaving.

" You didn't scare me, I was just startled that's all, and thank you for checking up on me but I should be leaving," I said as I pulled away from him. As I opened the door I turned around to get a glance at the mysterious man and he was one of the most beautiful men that I had ever seen. I mean besides Jimin of course, but something about this man is so addictive.

"Okay good and no problem sweetheart. I'll let you go but I do have a request, come join me and my friends in the paradise lounge," he said to her wanting to see her face again after their little meetup.

"What a coincidence, I'm bartending for that part of the club tonight so you will definitely see me again Mr," I said, teasing him while biting my lip.

"That's great I'm looking forward to seeing you," the man said while holding the door open for her.

"Okay, I'll see you then, and by the way what's your name again I don't remember catching it," I ask out of curiosity while thinking about all of the nasty things that he could do to me.

" The name is Namjoon and what's yours, beautiful lady?" Namjoon asks while glancing me up and down to look at my attire.

"My name is Zaria and I have to go Namjoon but we'll talk soon," I say while winking at him and strutting away, making sure to add a little extra oomph to my walk.

                                                         #

"Hi, what can I get you tonight?" I asked the gentleman as I was speaking over the loud music in the lower part of the club.

"Umm I'll just take 3 shots of tequila and 1 bloody mary," the man said while trying his hardest not to laugh. By the looks of it I could tell that he was already tipsy on the verge of being drunk but I mean hey what other reason would you come to a club?

"That'll be $76 even sir," I say smiling as I pour the shots of tequila into the shot glasses. Once I finished those I started working on the bloody mary which was pretty simple to make. All I need is vodka, tomato juice, salt and pepper, hot sauce, Worcestershire sauce, and two olives to place on top.

I like how I'm the worst bartender but I managed to finish everything in under 1 minute. I would love to see Jennie do something like this but she's never at work or if she is at work she's never actually working. She only flirts with all of the customers and seduces them just so she can fill her pockets, if anything she's the club's personal hoe.

"Okay here you are sir, I gave you one extra shot of tequila because you spent so much money," I say, placing the drinks down in front of them on the table. I slowly raised back up and I happened to look up at the men sitting right in front of me.

I don't think I have ever seen this many fine men ever in my life, all of them are giving me cold gazes. Which makes me want to crawl into a hole and bury myself, but then I see Namjoon. He was the man that I talked to outside, he looks 10 times better in the light, he wasn't ugly at first but he's damn sure not ugly now.

And then I look to the right of him and I see the man who ordered the drinks at the bar and he looks good as well. In my opinion he doesn't look as good as Namjoon but he looks very good. And then I look to the right of him and I see this fine man, he has tattoos and piercings and he looks kinda grungy. Collectively these men are fine as fuck but I need to get my thoughts together if I'm going to get through the rest of the night.

" Thanks, sweetheart, that was very generous of you, and here's $200 keep the change," the man in the middle said as he was handing me the money. I took the money and thanked all of them for the generous tip. The night was going pretty well, I enjoyed hanging out in paradise with the guys, we didn't interact much but when we did it was pretty chill.

At that point in time, it's like 11:00 at night and I haven't seen Gia or that bitch Jennie in a while, knowing Gia she probably left. And as far as the bitch Jennie, I haven't seen her yet but I'm not complaining.

If she was down here she would have been in all of their faces when her ugly ass is supposed to be behind the bar serving them. I was deep in thought when I heard some footsteps make their way down the stairs. I was cleaning the bar and I looked behind me to see who it was.

"Hi babes," a familiar voice says coming from behind me meaning they are waiting at the bar to order a drink I guess. I slowly turn around and to my surprise I see Jimin standing there wearing a bright red leather jacket, a black shirt, black ripped jeans, and his specialty, the click clacks.

"Jimin," I screamed, throwing the cleaning rag down onto the counter. I ran around the bar to run and jump on him, I knew I had seen him earlier but I missed him so much.

"It seems like someone really missed me," he said while holding me in his arms. I always enjoy seeing him but I heard something in the background that made me try to squirm away from him.

He placed me back on the ground and I turned around to see that gremlin Jennie, she was walking towards my direction. Truth be told, if she says anything to me I'm going to walk out and leave because if I fight her I am going to get fired.

"Why are you on him like that? Why are you working down here with these beautiful men? When you should be up there with those peasants like yourself,"she says to me while looking at Jimin up and down, making me and him uncomfortable.

"Jimin if you don't grab me in the next second I'm going to pounce on this bitch," I say as I'm rolling my sleeves up and moving my septum piercing to the side. I ran at full speed straight for her, I said I wasn't going to fight today but the universe had different plans. Luckily Jimin caught me and was holding me back.

"Zaria go home you don't want to lose your job and don't worry about her she's nothing special," Jimin whispers in my ear as he's trying to calm me down. I don't say a word to him, I go behind the bar grab my jacket, keys, and purse, I look towards the guys and make my way over there because I owe them an apology.

"Hey, I'm sorry about tonight, I'm going home before I beat a bitch ass. It was fun hanging with y'all, I hope to see y'all soon," I say as I walk in the direction of the Jimin.

"Goodnight Zaria and don't worry about it, you're still the coolest bartender we've ever had," they say in unison. I smile to myself thinking maybe they aren't so bad after all.

"Hey Chim I'm leaving I'll text you when I get home, see you tomorrow," I whisper and kiss his cheek as I make my way up the stairs so I can leave this hell.

"Oh and Jennie, next time you should show up for your shift on time so someone won't have to fill in for you. I guess that doesn't make a difference though because it's not like you actually work while you're here anyway," I say with a hint of malice hidden in my voice.

"See you later babes," I hear him saying knowing that he's worried about me.

[risingsoleil]

Doing a follow-up based on @rhaenyraza's comment

When Kang and Areum bent their elements for the first time, Linzin was absolutely ecstatic. Lin was on the brink of accepting that her youngest may be nonbenders and that she wouldn't love them any less, and boom! She has another earth and airbender.

Tenzin almost created a hurricane bc he was so happy that his baby baby girl. He felt like he had a complete duo, a son and daughter airbender.

Jin was hella relieved because then he's not the only one being annoyingly doted on by acolytes, plus someone else to share the weight of the Air Nation.

Kang was a little disappointed and devastated. But he didn't show it initially to his parents. His older siblings tried to help him cheer up.

"You get to eat meat!"

"You don't have to wake up super early for meditation. And you don't have to sit through all the lectures."

"You might be a metalbender too!"

Kang - "I'd rather be a lavabender!"

"Maybe you'll be a lavabender instead. Who knows?"

It seems to work for a little while. Lin and Tenzin notice that he's still accepting or processing that he's an earthbender. They are right when he comes to their room one night with a frown and crossed arms.

Lin pats the bed and he jumps on there.

"What's up?"

"How come I can't be an airbender?"

His parents share a look and they sit closer together with him in the middle.

"It's just who you are and how you were born," Tenzin explains gently. "We are so excited that you're an earthbender like Mommy."

"But it's not the cool one!"

Lin chuckles softly. "So Mommy isn't cool?"

"You're coooooool," Kang reiterates. "But being an airbender is special."

Something shifts between Lin and Tenzin.

"What do you mean by that?" Tenzin asks.

"You get treated like a king! The acrobites give Jin extra snacks when no one is looking. But then I make them give me some because I saw. They're really nice to you and him. I'm not special like Areum now."

Lin holds her son closer and turns him, cupping his face. "Kang..." she says softly, "you are special because you are you. Not because of what you can bend. Just because people might treat your brother and sister different from you does not mean that you aren't the same as them. Do you understand?"

Kang peered down, dwindling his fingers and nodding slowly.

Tenzin reached over to pull his son into his embrace. "And anyway, none of the acolytes are supposed to be treating one of you as special. If they do, I want you to tell me or Mommy. Okay?"

"Do I get a prize?"

Tenzin and Lin looked at each other.

"We'll think about it. Maybe something like extra 20 minutes of playtime before bed."

"Ooh, ok!"

"Besides," Tenzin added as his son sprawled out on his lap and began to play with Lin's leg, "I was never cool, even though I'm an airbender."

"Daddy always got teased at school," Lin revealed.

"She had to save me all the time and help beat up the meanies."

"But you're an airbender!"

"Yeah, no one else was. So it made me an easy target for kids to bully me."

"Your daddy is so soft that I had to save him otherwise he would get smooshed by all the other kids and earthbenders. Then who else would I play with at school?"

Kang giggled. "Yeah, earthbenders would crush you, Daddy."

"I know. But the only earthbenders who can do that is Mommy, MeiMei, and you."

His son raised his foot in his face. "And me."

Tenzin chuckled, pushing it down playfully. "That's right."

When their children were all put to bed, Tenzin pulled Lin into their bedroom, lips searching to kiss every inch of skin he could.

The sex was hot, fierce, passionate, loving, intense, and emotional. Their intimate affairs wasn't bad, but it had been missing an emotional connection for some time. But tonight, they were full of life and the fire for each other reignited.

Tenzin can barely keep his eyes open after cumming more than 10 times tonight. He'll be sore tomorrow, but it's worth it.

Lin strokes his arm that's wrapped around her. "Tenzin...I need to ask you something..."

"Uh huh."

It may be better to ask when he's not exhausted, but that means he has more energy to try and hide his true feelings.

"If Areum wasn't an airbender, what would you have done?"

She can only hear their breathing, and she wonders if he fell asleep in the middle of her question. Or if he's avoiding her.

Tenzin shifts and turns so that they're facing each other. Their eyesight already adjusted to the darkness and they can see the outline of their soulmate.

"I don't know, Lin..."

She can feel her heart aching already and the tears stinging her eyes. "You would have left me, wouldn't you?"

He can feel her and he pulls her closer so her head rests over his chest. The chilly wetness of her tears touches his warm skin. "I don't know...but I made you a promise to stay no matter what."

Lin isn't so sure of what to think of that answer, but she's exhausted and so is Tenzin.

"I might be open to another kid...since the kids are a little bigger now."

He kisses her cheek and strokes her back. "Sleep, love."

Love the light angst HAHAHA idk why but I like seeing a linzin fight and have them throw some hurtful words and figure out how to say sorry ❤️❤️

It's very healthy for them to fight, too! Linzin as a couple are very passionate people when they're in the zone.

For the drabble I just wrote, it's fair to say that they were fighting a lot after Aang died. The world was in a bit of chaos bc no more Avatar, so crime is up A LOT. Also, their toddler twins have not shown any signs of bending yet.

Tenzin has asked if Lin is open to another child, and that was another full blown argument. One that a specific acolyte may have overheard...

"So now a family is not enough because the world needs more airbenders?"

"Don't put words in my mouth, Lin!"

"We have 4 kids. Even if they are not airbenders, they require our attention and presence. We need to raise them properly."

"I'm not arguing against that! I'm only asking if you're open to having another child."

"In case the twins aren't airbenders."

A sigh. "...in case."

We know that the twins are benders, but Linzin and the world has no idea in the 5 years after Aang died. Lots of arguments and stress happening for Linzin at this time.

After the WL discovers Korra is the next avatar, the twins finally bend for the first time.

[myfictionaldreams]

Day 28: Car Sex - Jake Lockley

Kinktober Day 28: Car Sex - Jake Lockley

Tags: 18+ readers only, smut, taxi driver jake, secret feelings, fluff, protective!jake, drinking, sexual tension, flirting, car sex, riding, nicknames, no use of y/n

my main masterlist 📚 // kinktober masterlist😈 // AO3 Link 

It was always the same taxi driver to pick you up from work, every single day without fail he was always the one to be there, outside the building at 6 pm. This meant that you both had to sit in rush-hour traffic together every day, you probably spent more time speaking to him than you did your co-workers.

He was one of the most mysterious people you’d ever had the opportunity to talk to. You weren’t able to get much information from him about his personal life but that only made it more thrilling as you basically stared at the rearview mirror the entire journey every day. You’d made the excuse that it was because you wanted to see his face as you sat in the back of the black cab whilst talking to him.

In reality, however, it was because you were so incredibly attracted to him, with his roguish look, the dark flat cap that always seemed to be on his head, and the tan leather jacket, all to compliment his deep brown eyes, strong facial features and every so often a handsome smile.

At some point on your journeys he had also nicknamed you Princesa, a subtle accent floating with his words but he always avoided questions when you asked but you were fine with that, maybe you shouldn’t be so nosey. You had however discovered that his name was Jake after asking for weeks.

Every day you began looking forward to your journeys home, almost skipping out of work to get to his taxi. Jake had also now begun waiting outside of his cab, leaning against the backseat door, ready to hold open the door when you were close enough.

“So Princesa, what do you plan on doing tonight? Another night in?” he asked casually as you both sat in traffic, rain hammering down around you.

“No actually, for once I’m going out, nothing crazy just a few drinks at my friend's local pub” you explained, actually happy to be out socialising for once.

“Oh really? Whereabouts is this place?” your eyes met him in the mirror, thinking that it was a bizarre question for him to ask but going with it anyway as the cars began moving.

“It’s about 20 minutes from my place I think? My friends picking me up and taking me there, I’ve never been before but it sounds quite nice, supposed to have an open fire that we can sit around” your fingers nervously twisted in your lap, a habit you always seemed to do with the car with Jake, matching the excited butterflies that filled your stomach.

Jake nodded, acknowledging your comment before asking about work, he always was interested to hear about your day and whenever you felt embarrassed that you had been speaking for so long, he was quick to ease any concerns explaining that he liked to listen to your voice.

Eventually, Jake pulled up to your apartment, asking for a much lower rate for the ride than what was displayed on the screen. You had tried to pay the full amount many times but the money always somehow ended up back in your bag.

“One-minute Princesa” Jake interrupted as you reached for the door handle, “take this” he passed a small card through to you in the back. You took it, reading the numbers on the card, your heart beginning to beat faster as you realised he had given you his phone number.

Jake’s jacket squeaked against his seat as he turned to look over his shoulder at you, “now, I want you to call me when you’re ready to go home and I can come to pick you up”.

Your body warmed, of course, he was just giving you his number for his taxi service, what else would it be for?

A frown passed over your expression as you asked, “but I thought you finished at 10?  I don’t want you waiting all night for me Jake”.

He waved his hand. “I’d sleep better knowing you were home safe so please, call me at any time during the night”.

“Ok, thanks, I appreciate it” you smiled warmly at him before opening the car door, “see you later,” you remarked before quickly rushing through the rain to the front door of your apartment.

Turning back you saw he was still there like he always was, making sure you got to your front door safely even though it was only a few meters from the path, lifting up his hand he waved bye and began to drive off, giving you the chance to collapse back into the door, clutching your chest to try and stop the pounding, you hated feeling like this, like a girl in school with your first crush.

Jake was on your mind all night, your friends noticed, asking a million questions until you finally told them. “Wait, as in Jake who picks you up every day from work, Jake? He’s picking you up tonight… after hours?” your friend said with the biggest shit-eating grin across her face.

You groaned, hiding your embarrassed expression, “yes…maybe… stop looking at me like that please I’m already freaking out as it is!”

Your friends laughed, having not seen you reacting this way before. “Well how about this then? You need some liquid courage so shots everyone?”

You agreed immediately, needing something to quickly take the edge off before your nerves completely ruined your night.

The liquid burned your throat as you swallowed it quickly, flinching at the disgusting taste, not even sure what alcohol it was but as it warmed you from the inside out, you tried to put Jake to the back of your mind for now.

There was something about being with your friends that made the time pass quickly, before you knew it, it was almost 2 am, and you were just about ready to go home. You weren’t the most drunk you had ever been but your body felt loose, a nice buzz humming through your veins as you called the number that you’d already memorised from staring at it all night.

He answered within 2 rings, “Princesa?” you smiled hearing his voice, loving that he automatically knew it was you ringing.

“Hey Jake, sorry if I woke you”, you began nervously biting your nails, waving to your friends as they began walking home.

“I was still awake, are you ready?” you nodded before quickly verbally responding realising he couldn’t see you, then quickly giving the address to where you were.

You sat on one of the benches outside, waiting patiently for Jake, your alcohol blanket keeping you warm against the damp chill in the air.

The sound of a car pulling up close by had you glancing up, body relaxing in a sigh as Jake quickly exited his car, pulling off his now infamous leather jacket. “Mi Amor, you’ll catch a cold” he quickly placed the jacket around your shoulders, you could smell his smokey aftershave on the collars and feel his warmth as your arms moved into the sleeves.

He quickly ushered you into the car, specifically into the passenger side of the car, right next to him, somewhere you had never been before and felt oddly intimate but you didn’t pay any attention. No, that was more on Jake as he helped you with your seat belt and then placed the heater on for you before driving off.

“You look beautiful, how was your night?” his eyes raked over your body before shifting back to the road, his stance was a lot more relaxed than usual as he rested one hand on the top of the steering wheel, the other on the gear stick. Now he didn’t have his jacket on, you could see that he was wearing a plain white shirt, with a slim black tie and dark jeans, accompanied by nice looking leather boots and his signature dark cap.

“Uh, I uh-” you couldn’t help the stammer at the casual compliment. Taking a quick breath, you let the alcohol do the talking, turning in your seat to look at him whilst talking. “It was very good thank you, I haven’t laughed that hard in a while. And thank you, you don’t look too bad yourself”.

Jake smirked, looking at you from the corner of his eye, “gracias” he politely said but you couldn’t stop yourself.

“You smell nice too”. He smiled at your compliment.

“Smell nice?”

“I mean- yeah you smell nice,” you said nuzzling into his jacket.

“Well from the brief glimpse I got from you, you smell nice as well,” he said with laughter in his tone. You weren’t sure why your next sentence came out, only blaming the alcohol.

“I bet I taste nice too” Jake's head swivelled towards you, smirking as you bit your lip in embarrassment, “I just mean that I’ve had a lot of sweet cocktails today so I probably taste of bubblegum and I’m going to stop talking”.

Jake chuckled at your ranting, hand sliding off the gearstick to lay lightly on your exposed knee. His palm was warm and surprisingly rough for a cabbie, you enjoyed the touch, not thinking anything of it, just enjoying his presence that always seemed to calm you as absentmindedly you grabbed his hand, fingers stroking along his.

You both sat in comfortable silence, the atmosphere had noticeably shifted but you enjoyed the time.

“What did you do tonight?” you asked, trying to ignore the way your heart was thumping in your chest.

“Me? Not much, watched some tv, waited for a pretty girl to call me” you hide your smile behind your hair as your cheeks warm.

“I’ve been looking forward to calling you all night” you confessed, not quite sure why you were telling him this. Jake's hand lifted under your chin, tilting it up so you were now looking at him with half-lidded eyes, noting from the red light shining on his face that he’d stopped at the traffic lights.

“And why’s that Princesa?” you were sure he was asking you this to tease you with the glint in his eyes as his fingers moved to stroke your cheek tenderly. You felt like you could hardly breathe as you stared at him, opening your mouth but not knowing what to say until the red gleam over him turned to green.

“The lights turned green” he smirked at your reaction before dropping his hand back to the gear stick and continuing to drive.

You absentmindedly played with your fingers in your lap, biting your lip as you stared out of the window.

“You do that a lot when you think I’m not looking mi Amor” Jake mumbled, glancing over at you as you looked towards him with a confused expression, watching as he lifted his hand once more to ease your lip from between your teeth. “Bite your lip, you do it when you're in deep concentration about something and think I’m not looking, but I’m always looking”.

You felt like your chest was going to burst as he pulled the car to a stop, you now only just realising that he’d pulled up to the back entrance to your building, in the near empty car park. You didn’t want to get out, wanting only to stay with him as you both stared at each other, the tension so incredibly thick you thought you were going to drown.

“Jake…” he raised an eyebrow at his name, his fingers moving a strand of hair from out of your face.

“Yes, mi amor?”. You weren’t entirely sure what to even say but you wanted to be close to him, shifting closer in your seat to him, nuzzling into the hand next to your face.

Tentatively you lifted your hands, gently cupping his and proceeded to do something sober you would absolutely never do: kiss his rough fingertips, one by one.

Jake was the next to move, cupping your cheek as he leant across the car, capturing your lips with his. His touch was fiery, setting your body alight as he began with soft kisses, testing to see your reaction but you clung to him, hands moving to grip his face to yours, deepening the kiss.

He released a heavy breath as you tasted smoke as his tongue teased along your bottom lip between slipping in. You accepted him happily, moving your own tongue against his, tilting your head to the side to kiss him deeper.

Jake's hand was on your knee again, thumb brushing against the skin leaving goosebumps behind, not moving any higher just staying still against your knee as he devoured you with his mouth. But you were greedy, needing more of him, desperate to feel more of the man you had been admiring for months now.

With courage you didn’t think you had even with the alcohol, your needs overpowering your thoughts as you pushed back on his shoulders, climbing across the car, with little difficulty with the small space but Jake moved his seat back so that you were able to straddle his lap, dress noticeably riding up your thighs.

Jake's hands cupped your arse cheeks, pulling you close as your hands cupped the back of his neck, leaning in desperately to kiss him again. Your mouths moved in sync, caressing, tasting, tempting one another.

His hat fell off at some point, giving you better access to his hair, feeling the soft curls beneath your fingers.

No words were spoken, none needed to be as you both grasped each other, need overtaking any normal senses.

You could feel him now, as you ground your hips against his, the outline of his hardened cock against your pantie-covered pussy, the sensation making you moan and break the kiss. But only so Jake could kiss along your jawline, his hands clawing at his jacket, easing it from your shoulders and discarding it into the passenger seat.

Closing your eyes, you relished in the feeling of his soft lips travelling across your throat, whining slightly, overwhelmed with need.

“What do you need Princesa?” he asked against the shell of your ear, causing you to shiver, gripping onto his crisp shirt as you ground into him again.

“Want you Jake” you whispered, feeling breathless, not caring that anyone could be watching right now. As if reading your thoughts, Jake turned the engine off to the cab, along with the lights plunging you both into darkness but meaning there was the slightest bit of privacy, even if it was obvious as to what you were both doing in the car with the way it was moving.

“You can have me mi amor”, to emphasise this, he thrust up causing his jeaned cock to brush over your pussy again.

“Please Jake” you begged, moving your hands lower, feeling his surprisingly hard abs beneath his shirt.

“It’s ok I've got you”, his hands moved to his belt, undoing it swiftly and easing out his cock before reaching beneath your dress to easily rip the flimsy material of your underwear. “Fuck” he curses as his fingers grazed through your slit, feeling how wet you were for him.

Leaning in to kiss him again, you shifted your hips forward until you could feel his tip, nudging it against your clit, moaning into his mouth at the sparks of pleasure shooting through your cunt.

Jake seemed to be losing his patience, needing to feel you now, not wanting to wait anymore as he gripped the base of his cock and edged it towards your dripping hole.

You both gasped, mouths dropping open as you slide down his cock, feeling how much he made you stretch but how well your body adjusted to him like you were made to take his cock.

As he became fully inserted, you looked at him, for only a second, like fireworks going off in your mind as you had the realisation that this was really happening, you were actually fucking your cabbie.

Said cabbie seemed to notice your slight wide-eyed expression and decided to take over, hand roughly grabbing the back of your head to pull you into another heated kiss, the other hand gripping your hip, aiding in your movements.

You didn’t want to hold back, the urgency of the touches and kisses, you weren’t going to go slow. Lifting up onto your knees, which was difficult to do in the car but Jake helped, you were able to slide up his cock most of the way before slamming back down.

The windows began to steam up, making the air feel thick and hot, sweat shining across both of your bodies but you didn’t care that you looked a mess now, hair sticking to your forehead and mascara was sure to be sticking to your under eyes.

All you could concentrate on was the tongue in your mouth, the hands gripping you so tightly to his body that you knew there would be bruises beneath the skin and the cock, that you rode hard and fast, desperation clouding both of your judgements.

The car was rocking with your motions almost helping you both to meet in the middle of each thrust as Jake began lifting his hips to meet yours.

Your cunt was squelching with increasing wetness, your moans like music to Jake’s ears as you moaned his name repeatedly, feeling that increasing tightness building in your core. 

“That’s it Princesa, cum for me” he grunted into your ear, arms now around your waist, supporting your back so you didn’t fall against the steering wheel.

“Jake!” you nuzzled into his shirt, trying to not scream out in pleasure as the waves of pleasure pulsed through you, your thighs trembling from the sensation. Jake didn’t stop fucking you though, making sure to ride out your entire orgasm before he too was cuming with a gasp.

You didn’t stop clinging to him as you both tried to catch your breath, feeling his hot cum seeping out and into his lap. Jake was the first to move, however, but only to comb his fingers through your slightly damp hair, “mi amor?”

You sat back in his lap, his cock still half-limp in your pussy, biting your lip in embarrassment before Jake pulled it out with his fingers, giving you a knowing look.

“Do you uh, want to come in for a coffee?” you asked, not wanting this to be over. Jake chuckled, kissing your cheek.

“Princesa, people usually do the coffee first and then the fucking but yes, I’d love to come in for a coffee”. You flushed at his words, excitement bubbling in your stomach for where the rest of the night might lead you.

[italeean]

Hello! ~

First things first, congrats for the followers milestone! You have such a lovely work and I'm sure your blog will only get bigger and bigger from now on! 🥰💖

Now, for the event (if it's still open), may I request ler!Levi and lee! Eren with the 10th prompt on your list? 👀 I'm quite sure I could hear Levi's voice when I read that, heheh

Anyway, wish you all the success in the world! And, again, congratulations! ❤

A/N: Hi!! How're you doing? 🥰 Thanks for the prompt, it was the first time I got the chance to write for aot and with a great pair!! (Fun fact: I like Levi, my sister likes Eren, I call my sister Brat and I have her saved in my contacts as Brat... the cycle is complete lol) I really hope you enjoy it!! Also... thanks for your compliments, your words were really flust- *AHEM* I mean, flattering >/////////< Anche il tuo blog è meraviglioso e molto interessante 💚🤍❤️ (You blog is marvelous and really interesting as well)

Drabble Event Day 10

"Jäger, did you make your bed this time?" Levi exasperated voice resonated through the house where the captain and the new recruits were hiding. "No sir, I didn't." The boy replied almost with no shame "And I don't see the importance of it, why should I make it if I'm gonna use it tonight? It's gonna get messy again..." He complained.

"For the umpteenth time, the order in someone's mind manifests itself through the order in their home. If there's no order here, there's no order in our brains. How are we supposed to think of a plan in these condit-" The older man laid his eyes on something he wished he hadn't seen. "What. Is. This?!" He was getting more and more furious by every second, facing the enormous pile of pans abandoned and completely dirty.

"Oh, you mean the pans?" Eren asked, a bit stupidly to be honest. "No, I meant the beams of the ceiling... yes of course I mean the pans you fool!" The shorter man yelled while flicking his subordinate's forehead. "I told you to wash these right after lunch, now it's gonna be a pain to make the dirt come off..!" He scolded the younger guy.

"But sir, there's no problem at all. We don't need these to make dinner and we'll have all the time in the world tomorrow morning to wash them." The brunette explained, whining a bit because he thought he was being reprimanded for a trivial matter. But for Levi it was the final straw.

"That's it you little brat! How do you like this?" With one swift move, he brought the recruit to the ground, pinned his wrists above your head and dug in his sides without mercy. "Wha- cahahaptaihin whahahat ahare yohohohou dohohohoing??" The teal-eyed guy squealed while letting out a string of childish giggles.

"What does it look like to you?" Levi scoffed, both annoyed and lowkey amused at the same time "I'm tickling you. Since we don't know when the enemy will make a move, I can't beat you to a pulp because you would waste your regeneration capabilities. However I won't let your laziness slide without a proper punishment, and this method seems quite fitting." He moved to his ribs with his free hand, watching the boy struggle and flail his legs pointlessly.

"Thihihihihis ihihihis ehembahahaharrasshihing!!" Eren whined, blushing at the thought of being tickled by the one and only Humanity's Strongest. It wasn't really the best way to work on his image and reputation as a soldier. "Good." The captain replied without saying anything else, focusing only on darting his hand all over Eren's torso, keeping him constantly guessing on where he would strike next.

"Ihihisn't thihihihis chihildihihish??" The brunette tried to convince the other to stop, but to no avail. "You call it childish now, but what if I go on until you cry? Will it still be childish then? Will it be better than washing some dishes?" Did Levi mean to tease him? The younger boy will never know, but it surely did the trick because he felt himself become ten times more flustered, and a bit panicked at the idea of being tickled for that long.

Unfortunately for him, the shorter man wasn't kidding. He kept his word and went on until he saw a tear run down Eren's cheek. Seeing that, he stopped immediately and helped the guy up. "Now do the dishes if you don't want the second round." He threatened the poor soldier.

The brunette immediately scrambled towards the sink, ready to wash all the dishes and even clean the kitchen and make his bed. Levi turned on his heels and headed to the door to make sure everyone was coming back with the wood they were supposed to pick. "Those brats..." He mumbled to himself, thinking about his time in the Underground, when he had to tickle the laziness out of his friends.

Hearing his superior mumble something, Eren turned around immediately, and in that moment he saw something he would've never thought to witness.

Was Captain Levi really smiling?

[knockyasocksoff2022]

Ideal No. 12

(1,308 words)

(A/N: I've done some editing on chapters 9, 10, and 11, so if you want to read the updated versions of thoes go to Wattpad. I have the same username on there. If you don't this chapter will still pretty much amke sense though, so don't worry too much.)

Cooking is a science. And I am brilliant at science.

Yet there is no way I can take any of this into the office, the rice balls are deformed and the vegetables are chopped in different sizes, not to mention the meat is burnt. It is, in any way you try to describe it, ugly. I'd eat it. I've eaten far worse, but it is in no way up to Kunikida's standards.

I sigh, sticking into the refrigerator.

-

On my way into the office, I give the miserable bento to a man sleeping on the street. 

-

Today is the quietest day yet. I don't talk to Kunikida. I don't even want to, don't think I could if I did want to. In fact, I don't talk to anybody. My mouth feels dry and glued shut. So, I don't talk. I just work.

-

I realise that in the chaos of the bento, I forgot to grab lunch. So, I don't eat, I just work. I don't even feel hungry anyway, just numb. If anyone even bothers to pay attention they don't point it out. I mean, why would they? I hardly ever ate before. Actually, the sudden intake of food was making me a bit queasy so it's probably better that I don't eat today, lest I become ill and make myself appear even more disgusting in Kunikida's eyes.

The day passes without me having so much as glanced at Kunikida. Good.

-

Every night I practise cooking. Prepare. Cook. Cut. Arrange, Repeat. Why not when I can't sleep? It's better than lazily staring at the ceiling. I've long built up resistance to sleeping pills.

I can't tell if I'm getting better. It doesn't feel like it. At night I pack the deformed bentos in paper bags and give them to the local soup kitchen. For Oda.

I visit Oda. I ask him what to do, beg him to tell me like I'm some dog. He says nothing. I leave some curry for him. The birds will enjoy it, I'm sure.

-

After a week, I give up like the weak man I am and decide to start talking to Kunikida again. I can't not.

I'm perfectly polite, a gentleman. He takes no notice. Looking at me almost warily whenever we talk. Like he's afraid of me. I suppose it makes sense. This is my fate, I'm bound to scare people away.

And working like this, on no sleep, reminds me of my mafia days when the only thing I could do for the soul-crushing boredom was paperwork. Maybe he can sense that too.

Still, I keep going. I can't afford to stop being productive now. I can't afford to lose his respect again, not if it's all I'll ever get from him.

And to his credit, he's polite, perfectly so. I just wish we could be less distant with each other.

-

I'm starting to hate my affection for Kunikida Doppo.

How is love so easy for others? Even the socially clueless Ranpo has found a partner. They can't pick up a social cue between them, and yet here they are. Happy.

Why is it that, for me, love is exhausting, a tiring fruitless drag that leaves my heart and body aching? Why is it that the finish line appears to be getting even farther away? Why is it that I feel as if I haven't even reached the starting line? Like a mirage and every time I get close, it dances away, an illusion of what I can never have no matter how hard I try.

I never deserved happiness anyway. It's not worth it. But hey at least it's something to do that makes this miserable existence worthwhile.

-

As usual, Kunikida and I are the last to leave the office. It's like a game. We keep staying, later and later, just to see if the other will leave and we'll get to work in peace. We never say anything, but I can feel his annoyance. Why doesn't he just go home? It's against his ideals to stay so late.

I always leave first, though. I need time to walk to the night market. Tonight the sky is cloudless and bright with stars. The warm glow of the lanterns is visible from a street away. I speed up. 

Tonight, I have a mission. During lunch, I overheard Kunikida telling Atsushi how much he likes lightly roasted bonito. I will cook it. 

I go stand by stand, buying my usual and a few new ingredients. At the fish stand I imagine Kunikida sitting with me and asking if I'll share. I'd say yes of course. Maybe I'd even feed it to him.

"What's got you smiling like that, looking ll dreamy, hmm?" The woman running the stand asks mischievously.

I'm surprised she noticed. Am I that obvious?

"Oh, um, I was just thinking of, erm, someone." To my embarrassment, I giggle as I say it, still high from the day (evening?) dream of sharing food with Kunikida.

The lady laughs as she hands me my change. "I see you here, every Monday, shopping, and so late too. Such a wonderful husband, whoever it is is lucky to have you taking care of them."

"W-wh-"

"Ah, go on now. Take care of yourself too. Try to get some sleep, eh." She wiggles her eyebrows and waves me off. I feel a deep blush creeping across my face.

What on earth was that supposed to mean? Husband? Oh. She must have been talking about the family ring I wear. She must've thought it was a wedding ring. (It's the only thing of my mother's that I've ever wanted. I took it with me when I left on that night so many years ago, and only because I like the way the light reflects off it. Her little Magpie, she would call me.)

-

I get so lost in my thoughts that I'm back at the dorms before I know it. Time to get to work.

-

"Fuck! Ah! Ooouch!!!" I hiss, drawing my hand back so fast that the pan clatters to the ground.

I was so busy dwelling over the woman's comment that I didn't notice I was reaching for the boiling hot sheet pan without a mitt. How could I be so careless? Someone like me could never deserve Kunikida.

The burn hurts. It stings. It aches. It itches. It grounds me. The discomfort is the only anchor preventing a spiral. I'm in pain. I'm taking my punishment. I'm getting what I deserve for deceiving and trying to touch something I could never reach. I don't need to selfishly wallow. This pain is enough. It's what I need.

I allow myself to ink down into the floor, revelling in the unease. Sure in my punishment, I can calm down.

-

I wake up on the kitchen floor, the tatami hard against my back. My hand is oozing some clear-ish puss. Plasma, or something, I think.

The fish is flopped pathetically on the floor next to me, ruined, just like my hand. The stench of failure.

I force myself to get up. I can't let my appearance slip now.

Showering hurts, the hot water feeling like hand sanitiser on a paper cut, only this is so much worse than a simple paper cut. I stuff a washcloth in my mouth, gagging as silent screams tear out of me.

Coughing and sputtering, and already exhausted from having to wash my hair one-handed, I get out, almost falling as I try to dry myself one-handed. It hurts. Getting dressed hurts. I can't wrap bandages with one hand, it's nearly impossible. Luckily, most of me will be covered.

The clothes feel like hell against my skin, unused to any fabric except bandages after wearing them for so long. I squirm and shift but that makes it worse. But, eventually, I get myself together. 

And, hey, I'm still going to be early. However, I can't let anyone see this wound. 

Wincing, I wrap the bandages so thick I can hardly move my hand.

Off I go. Woohoo!

(A/N: We're finally getting into the DEEP angst. Yass. Big Kunikidazai interaction in the next chapter let's gooo!!! These fools are actually going to ahve an actual conversationf or once.)

IDEALS [kunikidazai]

(A/N: I've been palying around with ship names for these two and came up with Ideal Human because together these two make one perfectly functioning person. Kind of like how Tachizaki is Midwinter Snow because if their abilities)

SUMMARY:

Dazai Osamu is the farthest possible thing from the ideal woman Kunikida Doppo has written so much about in his notebook.

And yet . . . Kunikida is hoplessly in love with him anyway. Kunikida doesn't belive he has a chance with his coworker, I mean, have you seen the way he flirts with women? Straight as the rulers Kunikida used to use in his maths class.

Dazai meanwhile is also inlove with uptight but still charming coworker. But how can Dazai ever come close to the woman Kunikida has in mind?

Will these two damn idiots figure their shit out or not? God, I hope they do, for all our sanity!

(Summary sponsered by Edogawa Ranpo)

Categories: angst, fluff, getting together

Warnings: N/A

Thank you to @wildroseroguefor inspiring me to write Kunikidazai for the first time. Rose has lots of Kunikida content on her blog, check it out.

[scarisd3ad]

Found you | rewrite Steve harrington x f!hopper!reader

Decided to post this weeks posts on Saturday and Sunday so expect hp fanfic tomorrow!

Masterlist

Next

"Pulse is gone!"

"Start compression! We're losing her!"

Freshman year 1982

"Hey you alright?" I blinked back awake from my daze. Why was I thinking about it again, why now? Well I knew why now. it was almost the 5 year anniversary of her death. She had been gone for 5 years.

It's weird losing a younger sibling she was most definitely supposed to live longer than me, a long healthy life. She was supposed to grow old with me.

"Y/n?" My best friend Michele asked waving her hand in front of my face. "What?" My brows furrowed together as I cocked my head to the side a bit. "Are you alright?" She asked again. I nodded "yeah of course I'm alright shell" I replied.

I had known Michelle since elementary school her and her family were like my second family. We went to most of elementary school together until my family and I moved to New York for my dads job. But I obviously eventually moved back to hawkins after…well my sister died.

"Mkay, you're going to need to get into groups of two for this assignment so go ahead and figure that out for yourselves." Mrs. Bixton said as she wrote down the details of the assignment up on the bored.

Both Michelle and I looked up at each other almost as if we were reading each others minds.

"Nope, nope, nope, nope!" Most of us looked up at mrs. Bixton brows furrowed as she made her way towards of the back of the room. I looked back to see her walking over to steve harringtons desk. Steve was a sophomore but failed English the year prior causing him to have to retake the entire class. He sat at the back with some of his popular freshman friends talking his little life away, having no care in the world. Even though he would most likely not even graduate if he failed the class again.

"You're not working with Amanda again, Steven" He rolled his eyes as he leaned back in his seat, with his perfectly styled hair. God he looked so gorgeous but somehow totally stuck up at the same time. I had harboured a good long probably life long crush on Steve harrington since the end of middle school I would say. He just looked at me with his perfect chocolate brown eyes, and I was instantly hooked.

"Last time you guys had a group assignment you and Amanda talked through the entire class time. I AM NOT DOING THAT AGAIN!" She said raising her voice which just made him and his friends laugh. "You're gonna go work with y/n, who ever y/n's partner is will work with Amanda."

Michelle groaned as she looked over at me. I sent her an apologetic smile as she lazily got up grabbing her stuff and walking towards the back of the class. I guess this is what you get for being a good 'model' student. I wasn't necessarily a good kid I had my moments of course but I did definitely know how to sit, shut up, and listen while in class.

"Soo.." Steve said as he sat down in Michelle's seat. "Y/n, I'm y/n" Steve definitely had known me Michelle's girlfriend Liv was definitely a well known girl at hawkins high and even middle. They had been friends since they were in 7th grade and I even hung out with them from time to time. "Yeah y/n that's right, um do you think maybe I could come to yours? Tonight maybe?" I nodded as I leaned back in my seat. My dad wouldn't be home till late anyway so the 'No boys rule" would barely even be broken.

"Yeah so I guess we could do some planning I guess" he said with his signature 'pretty boy' smirk on his face as he pushed Michelle's desk towards mine. I nodded as I ripped a paper out of my notebook and began to write our names on it.

Y/n hopper, Steve harrington              9/10/82

"So do the project about how the main conflict between the two main characters impacted the story? That seems easy enough for you huh?" I asked not really trying to sound rude but it definitely did. "What'd you mean by that?" He asked with a chuckled. My cheeks flushed as I laugh "nothing, anyways is that fine with you"

"Yeah sweetheart it's fine" I rolled my eyes, "don't call me sweetheart" I said as I wrote down what we were going to be doing this assignment on. "Awe what's wrong with sweetheart? Huh? What about babe?" He was just teasing me something every teenage boy did if they definitely wanted to get laid or any type of female attention. I rolled my eyes and continued to write. "Oh you're ignoring me now huh?" He laughed, making me in turn giggle a bit.  

-

Once the bell rang I quickly gathered my things "okay so I'll be at your house at, 5:30? Is that alright?" Steve asked as I began to walk towards the door were Michelle stood waiting for me. I nodded not answering verbally as I continued to walk towards Michelle.

"He's coming to your house?" Michelle whispered as we began to walk down the loud hallway. "Yeah how else would we finish our project?" I asked shrugging as we stopped at my locker. I took the lock in my hand and began to put in my code.

2065

"How's you're dad gonna handle it?" Michelle asked as I opened my locker and grabbed my jacket I had stuffed in there earlier. "He's not gonna know" I replied as I shut the locker and put the lock back on. "You're bold as hell y/n. You're dad is literally chief of police." I rolled my eyes, she was saying this as if I haven't spent my whole life with my fathers, I've definitely learned a few tricks to make getting away with things a bit easier.

"Hey shell" Liv said as she walking up to us and grabbing Michelle's hand. "Hey y/n" she said with a smile. Liv had light blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She was also a cheerleader which made her the literal definition of popularity in high school, and she definitely was popular. Michelle pressed a kiss to liv's cheek as she muttered "hey babe" against liv's skin. Living in a small town in the 80s wasn't the best place to be gay. Most people were Christian or just plain old homophobes so they weren't very liked in hawkins community of older folks and parents. Liv was bi so she liked girls and boys while Michelle was a lesbian. I didn't really know what I was, I had only really had crushes on guys well one guy, but I didn't know if that was really all I was attracted to.

"Y/N's gonna hang out with Steve tonight" Michelle said as we walked towards the front of the school. Guys hooted and hollered as Liv walked by she was the 'Steve harrington' to the guys. Popular, well liked, and well everyone wanted her.  "Harrington?" Liv asked her face scrunching up in a confused look. "Yeah harrington isn't that crazy?" Michelle asked. I rolled my eyes "were not hanging out were finishing a project" i said as I pushed open the large metal school door.

I instantly spotted my dad who sat in his police car. My dad always picked me up even when he worked late, he'd leave work for 20 minutes to pick me up so I wouldn't have to walk.

"Bye guys love you!" I said as I began to run towards my dads car. Michelle and Liv both waved goodbye as I began to turn around so I wouldn't get hit by a car. "Hi dad" I said as I opened up the passenger side door and threw my bag onto the floorboard. "Hey kid how was your day?" He asked I shrugged as I got in the car and closed the door. He sighed as he shifted the gears and began to pull out of the parking spot he was parked in. "I'm not getting off till 10:30 tonight, so there's tv dinners in the fridge" dad sighed as he leaned his head back on the head rest. Dad hated working late.

"Don't wait up either" I nodded slightly even though I was definitely going to wait up. I always did even when he said not to. "Nobody over either" I nodded again.

We started down the street toward the cabin trees and houses flying by at how fast he was driving.

When we first moved back to hawkins we moved back into our old house, but quickly after mom, dad, and I moved back they divorced causing my mom to go back up to New York and dad and I to move into a trailer. I guess mom didn't care enough to at least try to take me with her. The trailer just didn't work out so we ended up moving into our cabin which we've been living in for about 3 to 4 years.

Just within a few minutes after he turned down the dirt road that led to our house, we arrived in front of the house. "There's dinner in the fridge,..and lock the doors right when you get inside" I nodded as I grabbed up my bag "I love you y/n I'll call as soon as I get to the station."

I pushed the car door open and slung my backpack over my shoulder as I stepped out. "I love you too dad" i said with a smile as I slammed the door shut. I ran up towards the house my shoes making a clomping noise as I ran up the first few steps up to the porch. I dug the house key out of my pocket and stuck it into the key hole. I twisted the key and pushed the door open before walking into the dark house, I pulled the key out of the door before closing it back and locking the door. I sighed as I heard dads blazer start up again and drive off. I pushed my shoes off of my feet before walking toward my room. I pushed the door open and turned on the light to reveal my twin bed the pink bedding draped over the bed. I dropped my bag onto the floor before falling back onto my bed.

I sighed again as I reluctantly got up from my rather comfortable bed and over towards my desk. I grabbed my backpack by the top loop of the bag and dragging it with me. I sat down and hiked the bag up into my waist, before unzipping the largest compartment, pulling out my math binder, and placing both down on the desk. I zipped my bag up, and placed it back on the ground before opening up my binder and pulling out my math homework.

Right as I closed my binder and pushed it to the side I heard the phone ringing from the kitchen so I quickly got up sprinting to the kitchen. I picked up the phone and held it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hey honey just callin' to make sure you're alright" dad said on the other line. I smiled and hummed an "mhm."

"Did you lock the door?" He asked "yep I did" he hummed "good, I've gotta go, I love you."

"I love you too dad" I replied as I hung up the phone.

Somehow ten minutes of me sitting at my desk trying to figure out math problems turned into 30, then into and hour, and then somehow it was 5:30 and Steve harrington was knocking at the front door.

I quickly looked back at the alarm clock that sat at my desk to verify the time. It was 5:25 he was five minutes early. I sighed as I stood up fixing my hair in the mirror that hung about my dresser before sprinting towards the door shouting, "IM COMING!"

I unlocked the 4 locks installed on the door (by my door overprotective father) before opening the door. There stood Steve harrington his hair styled to perfection as he held his backpack in his left hand. I spotted his car parked out next to the large sum of trees. "Hey" he said his lips tipping up into a smile as he leaned against the door frame. "Hi" I said a smile also appeared on my face as my cheeks flushed.

I pushed the door open a bit more with my body as I made room for Steve to walk in. He walked in moving his eyes from side to side examining the house. "Nice place, where are we gonna work?" He asked.

"I..um just my bedroom it's the one opened" I replied as I closed the door and locked it back. Once I turned around he wasn't there anyone. Already in my room. I quickly walked back into my room to see his sat on my bed, his shoes sitting next to my door. "So where should we start?" He asked biting on his lip subconsciously. I shrugged as I sat down in my bed. "Maybe the poster first?" I asked, Steve's lips tipped up into a smirk as his eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips. My cheeks flushed. Then he leaned in pressing his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck playing with the hair at the back of his neck. He pulled away both of us panting a bit. "Do you wa-" I cut him off nodding before pressing my lips back against his.

-

Steve rolled off of me panting, "that was-" he cut himself off with another pant. I turned looking at the alarm clock that sat on my bed side table. It was 8:30 now. I turned back towards Steve who was now laying on his side, his bare body under the comforter. Then the realization hit, wasn't he dating Tammy hughes? Just last week I saw them making out at his locker, they had been dating since the end of last school year. "Wait" I whispered he hummed in response as he wrapped his arm around my waist pulling my bare body closer to him.

"Aren't you dating Tammy?" He chuckled before shaking his head. "M'not dating anyone" I furrowed my eyebrows "but I saw yo-"

"We broke up" he said with a laugh before leaning in for a kiss. He pulled away rather quickly before hiding away in the crook of my neck pressing kisses and sucking at my neck.

I let out small wimpers and moans as he sucked and bit at my neck. My fingers weaved themselves into his hair pulling slightly as he moved down slowly towards my breasts before moving right back up to my lips. He pressed a passion filled kiss to my lips.

Right when I pulled away to catch my breath I heard the phone ringing from the kitchen.

I sighed as I got up quickly grabbing my underwear off of the floor and pulling them on before walking out and picking up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, y/n I'm leaving a bit early so do you want me to bring you anything to eat?" Dad asked.

"Shit" I muttered under my breath. "What was that?"

I felt Steve come up behind me wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing kisses to my shoulder blade. "Nothing, nothing. Um I'll just eat what we've got here" i replied. My dad hummed in response "well alright I'll see you in a bit love you."

"Love you too!"

I quickly hung up the phone. "Who was that?" Steve asked as he let go letting me turn towards him. "My dad he's coming home soon you've gotta leave" Steve rolled his eyes a bit before replying with an 'ok."

We both returned to my room getting fully dressed before I walked him to the door. Steve wrapped his arms around my waist pressing a kiss to my lips. "You're so beautiful" he whispered as he peppered kisses on my lips. I giggled as I tried to push him off "you've gotta go my dads gonna be here any minute" I giggled. He sighed "mkay I'll see you tomorrow sweetheart" my cheeks flushed as I pressed one last kiss to Steve's lips. "Yeah tomorrow, now go!" I said pushing him out of the door before locking all the locks so my dad didn't have any reason to be suspicious.

About ten minutes later I heard my dads blazer pull in. I sighed as I stood up over looking my room one last time making sure Steve left nothing. Once I was sure nothing was left I walked out into the living room and fell back onto the old couch sat in front of the tv. I heard each lock unlock before the door opened. Dad sighed as he kicked up his boots and unbuckled his belt. He threw his keys onto the coffee table and draped his work jacket over the couch before sitting down next to me.

"Movie?" He asked and I nodded as a reply.

-

The next day at school I walked in with a jacket on to hide the light purple hickeys lining my shoulders and lower neck. I walked confidently up to where Steve stood with his friends Carol Perkins and Tommy hagan.

"Hey steve!" Steve furrowed his brows as he turned his head from Tommy to me. "Who are you?" I looked at him in confusion there was no way he'd forgotten so quickly. "Wha- y/n we..you came to my house ye-"

"Oh my god!" Carol laughed loudly. Her laugh alone tore out any of the self confidence I had mustered up just to walk up to him. "You hooked up with a freshman?!" Carol laughed. Steve rolled his eyes before scoffing "I don't even fucking know who she is."

That hurt. He tore my heart out and stomped on it right in front of me. Tears welled up in my eyes "who the hell are you I don't know you" Steve said. I quickly walked away blinking back the tears as I heard the roars of laughter emitting from them. "You made her cry oh my god!"

I quickly pushed opened the nearest bathroom door and ran to the first stall. Luckily no one was in there so it let me freely sniffle and cry as loud as I wanted. I wiped at my cheeks as I sat my bag down on the ground and sat down on the toilet seat. How could he do this to me? After all he said to me yesterday.

How did I even trust him?! He won, he had won. He got another naive girl to fall for his underhanded tricks. He got another girl to hand over their heart to him so he could destroy it. He humiliated me.

Once I heard the late bell ring I unlocked the stall door and walked out. I wiped my tears as I walked out of the bathroom and down towards the first entrance I saw. I pushed open the large metal doors and walked over to the payphones that sat outside of the school. The door slammed shut as I took one of my backpack straps off pushing the front of the bag towards the front of me. I unzipped the smaller pouch as took out a quarter. I took the phone off of its hook and pushed the quarter into the coin slot.

I punched in the number I’ve learned to memorize by heart from the ripe age of 12 years old. After a few rings the secretary at hawkins police, Flo answered. “Hawkins police this is flo how may I help you?”

“Hey flo” I sniffled as I wiped at my nose “can I speak to my dad?” She hummed “of course sweetheart I’ll send you over.” I could tell she had her signature comforting flo smile gracing her lips even though I couldn’t see it.

After a few seconds my dad picked up the phone. “Hello? Y/n why aren’t you in class?” Dad asked as soon as he picked up. “C-can you pick me up?” I stuttered out as I wiped my eyes. “Wha- y/n what’s..what’s wrong?”

“Nothing! Nothing alright just please come get me” I said tears threatening to spill over and down my cheeks. He sighed “oh..alright fine I’ll be there in 3 minutes” then he hung up. I sighed as I placed the phone back on the hook and sat down on the curb wiping my eyes. Why did I let Steve harrington of all men upset me. He was just a 16 year old boy who would probably have an std in the future if he kept to his reputation.

I wiped at the tears falling down my cheeks as I saw my dad pull up.

“What’s wrong?” He asked as he rolled down the window closest to me. I wiped the last remaining tear before saying “I’m fine, nothing happened” as I stood up getting into the car. “There’s obviously something wrong. Did someone say something?” He asked as he laid his hands ontop of my knee. I shrugged my usual response for questions like this which meant ‘yeah, someone did.’

“Who? I swear I’ll beat the ever loving shit out of them”

“Steve harrington” I whispered. It almost looks as steam was coming out of his ears he was so pissed. “Mother fuck me” he whispered under his breath as he pushed open his car door and stepped out. “Wait! No don’t say anything dad”

He shook his head as he said “I’ll take care of it don’t worry stay in the car.”

The next day steve harrington walked in sporting a brand new shiner on his left eye, and my dad was banned from the school for two months.

Taglist

@kleeixe @teddyylicious @band--psycho @fixtionlover @sbeve-chairington @hellojameshowyadoin @write-from-the-heart @sagejin @burn1ngw00d

[fatecantstopme]

Life Finds A Way

Pairing: Mafia!Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: You start dating a handsome stranger who’s new to town. Bucky is concerned about anyone you date, so he has his right hand man, Steve, do some digging on the new guy. Turns out he’s not who he says he is.

Warnings: violence, torture, swearing, mafia themes. Sweet beautiful angst and fluff.

“James, have you ever considered just settling down with a nice girl?” you asked from across the room.

He looked up from the other side of his massive mahogany desk with a smirk. “Sure, doll. I think about it all the time. Problem is, there aren’t any nice girls left in all of New York.”

You turned back to him with a grin. “Because you’ve ruined every last one of them.”

Not you. He leaned back in his chair, strong arms settling into place behind his head. “Besides, what kind of fun would I be having with a nice girl?”

You laughed and plopped into the leather chair in front of his desk, Jean clad legs resting on the arm of the chair. “Absolutely none at all. That’s the point. You’d maybe stay out of trouble for once in your life.”

“Nah. I happen to like living life on the wild side.”

You raised your eyebrow but didn’t say anything. You knew he was so much more than the mafia boss the rest of NYC knew. He was kind, funny, gentle, a little goofy, and oh so protective. Not to mention, there wasn’t a single soul on god's green earth that was as attractive as the suited man in front of you. You loved him. Always had. And he loved you too…just not in the same way.

“Alright, doll. You better get moving or you’re gonna be late,” he said, interrupting your thoughts.

You groaned. “Do I have to? I hate meeting new clients.”

He laughed. “How are you supposed to get new clients if you never meet anyone?”

“You can bankroll my very cheap lifestyle so I never have to work again," you teased.

“Doll, if I bankrolled your lifestyle, it would be anything but cheap. And for the record, I’ve offered more than once, but you always say the same thing.”

“We don’t take handouts," you both said at the same time.

You sighed. “We may have grown up poor, but we never begged.”

He nodded. “I get it, doll. But if there ever comes a time when you want to give up practicing law…”

“Only every minute of every day, Buck," you joke as you grab your purse and head to the door.

As you step out into the hall, your path is blocked by a very handsome blond haired man. The man shoots you a grin, which you return in kind. “Hey Stevie. Boss is feeling kinda moody this morning. Apparently Sofia dumped him.”

“Her name is Sasha and I dumped her.” Bucky yelled from inside the office.

You winked at Steve and he laughed. “I’ve gotta get going. Keep him company for me, will you?”

“You’ve got it, (Y/N/N). I’ll see you tonight,” Steve replied.

You flounced off to your meeting and Steve entered the office, shutting the door behind him.

“You’ve got that look on your face. What’s up?” Bucky asked.

“When you gonna tell her?”

Bucky groaned. “Never. We’ve talked about this.”

Steve wanted to say more…hell, he always wanted to say more, but he knew it was a useless battle that he’d never win. The two most stubborn people on this planet also happened to be his childhood best friends. One had just walked out the door and the other was his boss, sitting on the other side of the desk. “Fine,” he said as he sat down in one of the leather chairs.

“Don’t we have some sort of business to discuss anyway?”

“Not really.”

“Make something up.”

Steve laughed. “Seriously, boss, nothing is happening. It’s been pretty quiet lately. Everyone has been cooperating and getting along. It’s almost peaceful.”

Bucky winced. “Damnit, Steve. You know better than to say that word. Now something bad is gonna happen.”

“You’re superstitious, Bucky. Everything is good.”

Bucky gave him a cold look, but didn’t say anything. Something in his gut told him that everything was not, in fact, good.

************

You walked into your office 10 minutes later than you’d intended to, but thankfully your new client wasn’t there yet. You looked down at the jeans and t-shirt you were wearing and sighed in annoyance as you locked the door to your office before changing into a dress with heels. You hated wearing dress clothes. It always made you feel like you were trying to be someone you weren’t. Like you thought you were better than everyone else.

You sat down at your desk and started to log into your computer when there was a knock at your door. "Come in," you called.

When the door opened, a young brunette man peeked into the office. "I'm looking for Miss (Y/L/N)," he said hesitantly.

"You've found her," you said as you stood up to greet him. You stepped around your desk and shook his hand before gesturing for him to have a seat on the other side of the desk. When you sat back down, you subtly slid your heels off to let your feet breathe. "What can I do for you, Mr. Reynolds?"

"I'm new to the area and I heard you were the best in the business, so I figured I'd want to become acquainted with you. My sources didn't mention how beautiful you were, though."

You were slightly taken aback by his forwardness. Sure, you knew you weren't ugly, but you weren't used to men looking at you the way this man was. You stared him up and down, trying to make your own assessment. Objectively, he was incredibly handsome. Strong jaw, green eyes, tall, a bit of a beard, and he clearly worked out. But there was something about him that made you wary. Or perhaps it was the 'best in the business' line that gave you pause. "What business are you in, exactly?" you asked, ignoring his compliment.

He smiled and you would be a liar if you said it didn't make your heart beat just a little faster. "Well, Miss (Y/L/N), I'm in a very private business." He shot you a wink, which once again made you wary.

"You can call me (Y/N). I appreciate the desire to maintain privacy, but everything you say here is completely confidential."

He nodded and smiled again. "A gentleman by the name of Carter recommended you."

The spark of recognition lit up your face. You knew Carter very well...he was actually one of Bucky's employees. "Ahh, I see. Well I understand your desire for privacy, then. What do you need from me, though?"

"I simply wanted to meet the attorney who came so highly recommended...should I need one in the future."

You offered him a small smile. You had no desire to be involved with any other mobs or mafia or whatever criminal group this man was a part of, but it's still sometimes hard for you to say no. Especially when someone comes on the recommendation of a friend. "Well, I'm happy to assist you should you need it. Don't hesitate to give me a call, Mr. Reynolds." You stood up and extended your hand.

He mirrored your actions and smiled as he shook your hand. "I appreciate that, (Y/N), and please, call me Charlie."

You inclined your head slightly and replied, "Have a good rest of your day, Charlie."

"Thank you. You too, (Y/N)." He turned and left your office without another word.

Once he was gone, you sat back down at your desk and went over the meeting again in your head. He seemed nice enough and he wasn't creepy or off-putting, which was a nice change of pace from some of the clients you'd had in recent months. You debated calling Bucky and asking him to look into Charlie for you, but you decided that would be a bit extreme. Besides, if Carter recommended this guy, he had to be a good one, right?

You pushed any lingering doubts from your mind and decided to move along with your day. Charlie hadn't asked anything of you and he really was very polite. You felt comfortable with him, even if your initial instinct was wariness. That was something years of being friends with New York's top mafia boss would do to you.

You finally signed into your computer and started going through your emails. Once you finished that, you moved on to some paperwork that had been piling up. A couple hours had passed when your cell phone started ringing. You didn't recognize the number, but sometimes clients called you from unknown numbers, so you answered. "This is (Y/N) (Y/L/N)."

"Hi, (Y/N)," the deep voice on the other end of the line said.

Your eyes widened in surprise. "I didn't expect to hear from you so soon, Charlie."

You could practically hear his smile as he replied, "Well you did say to call if I needed anything."

You laughed lightly. "I didn't expect you to need me so soon."

He laughed warmly. "I was hoping you would have dinner with me tonight."

You inhaled sharply, surprised by his request. "Dinner?"

"Yes. It's something people do when they're attracted to each other."

You paused.

"I apologize if I was too forward, (Y/N). I'd been debating on asking you since the moment I walked into your office this morning."

"Oh." Your surprise was evident in your tone.

He quickly backed off, sensing your disinterest. "We can absolutely forget that this conversation ever happened, if you'd prefer."

"That won't be necessary," you said quickly. "I would love to have dinner with you. It's just that I already have plans with some friends tonight...but I suppose I could cancel those."

"Oh no, please don't cancel your plans on my account. We can have dinner a different night."

"It's not really a big deal. We just get together every Tuesday night for drinks and gossip. I'm quite certain I can miss one." I don't think they'll be upset with me.

"Well, I wouldn't want your friends to hate me before I've even met them."

"Pretty presumptuous of you to think you'll ever meet them."

He laughed. "A man can dream, can't he?"

You smiled. "I suppose I'll allow it," your tone was light and teasing and he chuckled in response. "So tonight, then?" you asked.

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure."

"Alright then. Would you like me to pick you up or meet at the restaurant?"

"Quite the gentleman. Since we've already met, I'm okay with you picking me up at my office."

He chuckled. "Alright, sounds good. I'll pick you up at 7."

"Looking forward to it."

"Oh, and (Y/N)?"

"Hmm?"

"Wear something nice." He hung up without saying goodbye.

If you hadn't heard the warmth in his tone, you may have been offended by that last statement. While you weren't exactly one to dress up and go out, you owned plenty of options ranging from leisure to black tie. You bit your lip as you thought about what you were going to wear that evening, images of the different dresses you had stashed in the back of your closet traipsing across your mind. One of the options you thought of was a beautiful black dress that made you feel like a million dollars. Honestly, it should because Bucky had it made for you. God only knows how much it had cost him. You'd needed a dress for a black tie event he was dragging you to and he'd had it delivered to you the day of.

Thinking about the dress of course made you think about Bucky, which instantly made you feel guilty. Your plans tonight had been with Bucky, Steve, and a few of your other close friends. You debated on whether to call Steve or Bucky...a debate which lasted less than a second. You picked up your phone, clicked on your favorites, and selected the second name on the list.

"Hey (Y/N/N)," a warm voice said.

"Hey Steve," you replied.

"Uh-oh. What's up?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've got that 'I did something I shouldn't have' tone."

You sighed. "Sometimes it's a pain in the ass having known you since birth."

He laughed in response. "Come on, spill."

"So I can't make it tonight."

"Aww come on, (Y/N/N). It's Tuesday."

"I know, I know. I um...I have a date."

Steve paused for a few moments before responding. "With whom?"

"A potential client."

"(Y/N)!"

"Oh what? He's not an actual client, so it's fine. Besides, he apparently knows Carter."

"Hmm." Charlie's supposed knowledge of Carter seemed to appease Steve...at least for the moment. "Can I assume you want me to tell Bucky?"

"Please," you mumbled. "Maybe don't tell him everything, though?"

"You want me to lie to him?"

"No...just don't tell him the whole truth."

"So leave out the part about you having a date."

"You know how he gets! He's made it virtually impossible to date any eligible man in the entire city! He always scares them away from me."

Steve sighed. "You know he doesn't do that on purpose. He worries about you."

You sighed. "I can take care of myself, you know. I'm almost a legit full-functioning adult."

Steve laughed. "Almost." He paused. "Alright, fine. I'll tell him you're not coming tonight, but if he asks me why, you know I can't lie to him."

"At least fight him off a little...maybe he'll back off."

"We both know that will never happen, but I'll do my best. I'll see you tomorrow, (Y/N/N). Have fun and stay safe. Call me if he gets annoying or creepy."

"I will. Thanks, Stevie."

The two of you hang up and you sigh in relief. You knew Steve wouldn't freak out on you like Bucky would have, so you played it safe by telling him instead. You knew Bucky would likely be calling you later tonight to grill you about this new guy, but for now you opted to focus on simple things, like what you were going to wear and how you were going to style your hair. You might not have loved getting dressed up and doing your hair and makeup, but that didn't mean you didn't know how to look amazing.

You decided to finish up your work before heading home to get ready for the first date you'd had in what felt like years.

**********

"What do you mean she's not coming?" Bucky asked.

"She's busy."

"Busy? It's Tuesday. We always get together on Tuesdays."

"I know, but she's got other things going on tonight, Buck."

"What kinds of things, Steve?"

"I don't know. It's not my business."

Bucky glared at his best friend and right-hand man, nearly burning a hole right through him. "I find it hard to believe you didn't ask."

Steve sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "She asked me not to say."

Bucky took a step towards him, and even though he was slightly shorter than Steve, Steve still felt intimidated. Out of everyone on the planet, no one knew what Bucky was capable of better than Steve did. Steve took a deep breath. "She's uh...she's got a date."

Bucky looked surprised. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"(Y/N) has a date," Steve repeated.

"With?"

"The client she met with this morning."

Bucky blinked slowly. "Did you get his name?"

Steve shook his head.

"One job, Steve. Literally one job."

"Technically, my job is to protect you and your interests."

"Which extends to (Y/N). It always has and it always will."

Steve sighed. "I'll find out."

"Good. I want you to find out everything about this guy. I don't want some random guy hanging out with her if I don't know him."

"Have you considered that she's old enough and smart enough to take care of herself?"

"Have you considered that I don't care? She means the world to me and I will do anything I can to keep her safe. Anything."

Steve sighed again, but nodded. "I know, Buck. So will I."

"Good. Now get to work."

Steve nodded and backed out of the room. "You've got it, boss."

Once Steve had left, Bucky leaned back in his chair, reflecting on the information he'd just learned, as well as all the years he'd spent keeping you safe. That was all he ever wanted to do...protect you. You were the reason he got out of bed in the morning, his guiding light, his hope, his reason for being. He lived for you. It had been that way since you were kids. Bucky was only a year older, but he'd always been extremely protective of you. He didn't realize until he was in his early 20s that it wasn't just because you were practically family. You held his heart in the palm of your hand and you didn't even know it. If it came down to it, Bucky would gladly give his life for yours. There would never be a price too high for your protection and happiness. There were times he had done things and made choices that were for your own good that upset you or even hurt you. He didn't care if you hated him, as long as you were safe.

He hadn't grown up hoping to become a mafia boss, let alone the most well-known and respected mafia boss in all of New York state. He'd had bigger (and more legal) aspirations, but sometimes life takes its own turns. When he found himself in a position of power, he realized how much danger it put the people he loved in, especially you. If anyone knew how much he cared about you, you'd be a pawn in this dangerous game he played. He couldn't let that happen, so he always kept you at arms length. Everyone knew Bucky Barnes looked out for you, but everyone saw it as a friendly, or even brotherly, relationship. He made it clear that if anyone so much as looked at you wrong, he would drop them into the bottom of the Hudson without a second thought. People kept their distance from you out of self-preservation. He knew it had hurt you over the years, especially in the dating realm, but he couldn't stop. He couldn't stop protecting you, he couldn't stop caring, and he certainly couldn't stop loving you. The fact that he regularly scared off potential suitors was simply a bonus for him. He wanted you to be happy so desperately, but he also couldn't bear to see you with someone else.

Bucky sighed and pulled himself together. These kinds of thoughts could ruin a weaker man. He shook off the heavy emotions and started reviewing the paperwork you had dropped off for him earlier that day.

**********

7:00pm came around all too quickly. You'd been ready for almost an hour, your nerves forcing you to make sure you had plenty of time to prepare. It had been quite sometime since you'd been on a real date.

While you were waiting for Charlie's arrival, your phone pinged, letting you know you'd received a text message. When you looked down at it, you saw Steve's name flash across the screen.

S: Hey, (Y/N/N), I'm on my way to Bucky's but I just wanted to check in and see how your date is going.

Y: I'm actually waiting for him to pick me up now.

S: Wait, you've met this guy right? He's not coming to your house?

Y: Stevie, chill. I'm not stupid. I met him this morning and he's picking me up from my office.

S: Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. I worry sometimes.

Y: I know and I love you for it. I promise I'll call you if I get into trouble or anything.

S: Alright. Just be safe.

S: BTW, what's this guy's name? I wanna know who's name to put on the headstone should he so much as lay a finger on you.

You laughed out loud before responding.

Y: God, you sound like Bucky. His name is Charlie Reynolds. Happy?

S: Thanks, (Y/N/N). If you go missing, I'll track his ass down.

You laughed again. You appreciated Steve's protective nature, but you also thought he was overdoing it. He was a lot like Bucky in that way. You started to type your response when a beautiful black Cadillac pulled up to the curb and a beeped at you. A man got out of the driver's seat, came around to the passenger side, and opened the rear door.

Charlie leaned out of the vehicle slightly so you could see him. "Hey (Y/N)."

You blushed slightly, having never been picked up in style like this before. You sent a quick text to Steve to let him know your date had begun before sliding into the spacious backseat. "Well this is luxurious," you commented.

Charlie smiled. "I intend to make the best impression possible this evening."

"I would have been okay if you'd picked me up in an old Toyota Corolla."

He laughed. "You deserve much better than that."

You smiled. "But you don't even know me. How could you possibly know what I deserve?"

"I have excellent instincts for this sort of thing."

"And apparently a wit to match."

He grinned. "Oh I'm glad you noticed."

You playfully rolled your eyes. "It's impossible not to. So...where are we going?"

"Madame, please. Be patient."

"You'll learn quite quickly that patience is not one of my strong suits."

"Patience has great rewards, my dear. You'll see."

You weren't quite sure how you felt about Charlie using terms of endearment this soon, but at least he hadn't called you 'baby' or something more personal. Not that you had an issue with pet names...just not 10 minutes after you meet someone.

A few minutes later and you arrived at your destination. When the drive opened the door to help you out, you were surprised to find yourself in front of one of the fanciest restaurants in the entire city. Only problem? It was owned by Bucky's rival...or former rival, would be more accurate. Keenan Mulligan had been found dead in the Hudson river a little over a month ago.

"Are you alright?" Charlie asked as he stepped out behind you.

"Of course. I'm just a little surprised that you choose this particular place. I didn't even know it was still open."

Charlie looked at you in confusion. "Why would it be closed?"

"Well...umm...the owner was murdered not that long ago. Most of his businesses have shut down." Including his very illegal ones.

"Hmm. I didn't know. My apologies, we can absolutely go somewhere else--"

"Oh that won't be necessary. I didn't know him or anything. I was simply surprised."

Charlie nodded. "Alright."

You started to walk towards the door, but Charlie stopped you and turned you towards him.

"May I just say, you look absolutely stunning this evening. Like a vision."

You blushed. "Thank you. You don't look so bad either."

He laughed. In truth, the man was quite attractive in his fitted suit. Everything about him radiated wealth...and in this moment, so did you.

Charlie guided you into the restaurant and you were greeted at the hostess stand by a beautiful young woman.

"Mr. Reynolds, it's a pleasure to see you again sir. Would you like your usual table?" the hostess asked.

"That would be lovely."

You followed Charlie to his 'usual table' in a quiet corner near the rear of the establishment. He helped you into your chair before taking a seat across from you. The hostess placed the menus on the table and bid you both a good evening.

"So...you come here often?" you joked lightly.

Charlie laughed. "You could say that. My brother loved this place. He used to drag me here any time I was in town."

"Used to? Did he move away?"

"He died," Charlie said, sadness, and perhaps a bit of anger, filled his voice.

"Oh," you paused. "I'm so sorry."

Charlie waved you off. "It's quite alright. You couldn't have known. Besides I've had plenty of time to cope. But his death is actually the reason I moved to New York. The city reminds me of him...his memory is infused within every inch of it."

"That's actually quite beautiful," you said softly.

Charlie smiled softly. "Well enough of that. Onto happier matters."

And with that, the conversation flowed as easily as water. Charlie struck you as a kind and gentle man. He was very sweet, an excellent conversationalist, and very intelligent. He also seemed to know most of the staff at the restaurant, as well as several of the patrons. All around, he seemed like an incredible man. By the end of the night, you were smitten.

**********

"Yo, Steve. What's with Buck?"

Steve sighed. "You know how he gets, Sam. Always up in his head about something."

"He seems worse tonight..." Carter commented.

"Well don't let him hear you say that. It'll probably only piss him off more."

"Is it about that chick...what the heck was her name? Savannah?" Sam asked.

Steve chuckled. "Sasha. Bucky said he broke up with her yesterday."

"It's not like he was that into her anyway," Carter interjected.

"Well...we all know why that is, don't we?" Sam asked lightly.

"Oh really? Well why don't you enlighten us then, Samuel?" Bucky said as he entered the living room.

All three men were quiet as they waited for Bucky to just let it go and continue with the evening. Bucky, as always, had other plans. "Well? Go on, then."

Sam sighed. "You never really like the women you date. At least not the way most people do."

Steve winced and Bucky raised his eyebrows. "Oh please continue," Bucky said.

"I'm just saying...we get it, ya know? No one else is ever going to compare."

Steve closed his eyes and Carter let out a whispered, "Ooo."

"Compare to...?" Bucky asked, clearly daring Sam to continue.

"(Y/N)," Sam stated, refusing to back down.

Steve and Carter made eye contact and started to rise from their seats, eager to leave the room while Bucky tore Sam a new one. But they weren't fast enough.

"Sit down," Bucky ordered.

The men immediately complied and waited to hear what would come next. To their surprise, it wasn't a verbal beating, but a pained acknowledgment.

"I wish I could say you were wrong. But my very small world revolves around one single human being and there are days when my soul aches with loneliness. I wish I could change the way things are. I wish I could forget her just as much as I wish I could be hers. But every decision I have made, every choice...they were mine alone. I created a barrier I can't remove, and for that, I will suffer eternally." Bucky sat down with a sigh and took a long swig of his bourbon.

The other three men looked at each other in utter shock. This was the first time Bucky had ever "publicly" acknowledged how he felt about (Y/N). Even in private, he was very careful about what he said to anyone other than Steve. Apparently, Bucky'd had more to drink that evening than any of them thought.

Bucky seemed, at least for a moment, to regain his composure. "If any of you breathe a single word of this to (Y/N), you will not live to see the next sunrise."

In any other situation between friends, they'd likely laugh it off...but with James Buchanan Barnes, murder was not something to be regarded as a joke. Not only was he perfectly capable of killing, he was more than willing if it was required.

**********

The next morning, Steve began his research into Charlie Reynolds. He had contacts all over the city and most of them owed him at least one favor. The first couple people he asked had no idea who "Charlie Reynolds" was, but were able to refer him to other people that may have information.

By lunchtime, Steve was starting to get discouraged. Not a single person he'd spoken to all morning had ever even heard the name, let alone have any dirt.

It wasn't until later in the evening that Steve received a call from a friend of a friend's brother, claiming he had Information on Reynolds.

"Mr. Rogers, I understand you're looking for information on Charlie Reynolds."

"That would be correct. Do you know him?"

"Not personally, but I know of him. He's a businessman from California."

"California? Do you know why he's come to New York?"

"I've heard some rumors that he's expanding his business here."

"Interesting. And what business would that be exactly?"

The man sighed. "I honestly don't know. However, my cousin's best friend lives out in California and apparently knows Reynolds personally."

"Does this cousin's best friend have a phone number?"

Two minutes later, Steve was dialing the number the caller had given him.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mr. Collins. My name is Steve Rogers. I got your information from a friend. I'm looking for information on a Charlie Reynolds. He's apparently a businessman in California."

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the phone. Then Collins responded hesitantly, "What sort of information?"

"Anything you know would be very helpful."

"May I ask what this is regarding?"

"I'm a private investigator and I've been hired on a very sensitive matter involving Mr. Reynolds," Steve lied smoothly.

"I see. Well, I can at least confirm that he is, in fact, a businessman here in LA."

"Excellent. And what is his business?"

Collins paused. "Well he's very private about it."

"I understand. I can be very discreet. It's what I'm paid to do." At least that part was true.

"Okay, well...just don't mention where you got any of this information, okay? If it comes back to me, it's my head."

Steve thought the man might be a bit dramatic, but he indulged him for the time being. "You have my word."

"Reynolds is in the underground world. Drugs, guns, money, sex trafficking, the works. If it's illegal, Reynolds knows how to procure it. He's the go-to guy for pretty much anything in Southern California."

"Interesting," Steve said. "Is it just him running this or is he part of some sort of organization?"

Collins laughed harshly. "Part of? Hell no, man. Reynolds runs the damn thing. He's the kingpin. There's not a person in this city who isn't afraid of him."

"I see." Steve took a breath to ensure his tone remained level. "My understanding is that you may know Reynolds on a more personal level."

Collins was silent for several seconds. "I actually met him in college. Back before he decided to return to the family business."

"Family business?"

"Apparently his dad and older brother were mafiosos back in New York."

Steve's breath caught in his chest. He'd never heard of a Reynolds family being a part of the underground network in New York.

"After his dad died, Charlie changed. It was like his entire personality had turned dark. He quickly amassed followers to do his bidding. He pretty much took over the underground market in LA before he was even 25," Collins continued.

"I don't know of any Reynolds families in the mafia scene in New York," Steve commented.

"Oh, well that's because he changed his name when he moved to California. His real name is Charlie Mulligan."

Steve's heart stopped in his chest. The pieces of the puzzle began to click into place. "He's Kevin Mulligan's kid?"

"Yeah, I think that was his dad's name. Brother's name is Keenan."

Steve closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I appreciate all the information you've given me. No one will know we've spoken."

"Good. I appreciate that."

"Of course. Goodbye."

"Bye."

When Steve hung up the phone he stood in the middle of his living room in stunned silence. Charlie's unexpected return to New York only a month after his brother's murder could only mean one thing...he was looking for answers.

Steve immediately dialed his phone. The second it connected, he spoke, "Buck? We need to talk. It's urgent."

"What's wrong?"

"It's about Charlie Reynolds."

"Who?"

"The guy (Y/N)'s been seeing."

"I'm home. Come now."

Steve was out the door before he'd even hung up the phone.

**********

Bucky's front door flew open before Steve could even knock. Bucky gestured for him to come in and quickly shut the door behind him.

"What did you find out?"

"You may want to sit down," Steve advised.

Bucky raised his eyebrows, but took a seat in the front room, gesturing for Steve to sit in the chair across from him.

"Everyone I spoke to had never heard of Charlie Reynolds," Steve began.

"Then what's the urgency for?"

"Because after talking to people all day, I finally spoke to someone who knew his name."

"Go on."

"Reynolds is a business man from California."

"What kind of business?"

"Our kind," Steve said simply. "Except worse."

Bucky paled. "Why is he here?"

"According to someone I spoke to in California, Reynolds essentially owns the underground market in LA. Anything illegal goes through him. He can get you anything you want. Drugs, money, guns, women. Anything."

"Why is he here?" Bucky asked again, clearly impatient.

"He's from here."

"I don't remember any mafia Reynolds families."

Steve took a deep breath. "That's because he changed his name. His real name is Mulligan."

Bucky's eyes darkened and his skin paled even farther. "Mulligan."

Steve nodded. "Keenan was his older brother."

Bucky's breathing quickened. "He knows who I am?"

"I think we should assume so."

"So he knows who (Y/N) is."

Steve nodded again. "It seems likely."

Bucky immediately stood up and walked into another room, emerging moments later with his phone. He tapped the first favorite in his contacts and the phone began to ring. After several rings, it went to voicemail. Bucky called it three more times and each time it went to voicemail. "She's not answering."

Steve's eyes widened. "You don't think--?"

"We need to find her. Now."

Steve immediately sent out the call to the most trusted guys. He sent each of them out to scour the town for (Y/N) with strict instructions to call him the moment they found her.

Bucky was pacing, clearly emotional.

"We'll find her, Buck."

Bucky stopped and looked at his friend. "What if we don't?"

"We will."

Bucky took a deep breath. "We can't just stand around. We need to go out and look for her."

"I've got 10 guys out looking now. Sam and Carter are on the way to her house. Someone will find her."

Bucky didn't look convinced. "How much do you think he knows?"

"Reynolds?"

Bucky nodded.

"I think we should assume he knows everything and work from there."

Bucky began to pace again, deep in thought. It was several minutes before he stoped. "I think I know where we need to go."

Steve waited for him to elaborate, but he simply walked to the front door and stepped outside. Steve quickly followed him, not wanting Bucky to go anywhere alone. "Where are we going?"

"Just get in the car. I'll drive."

Steve looked surprised, but he didn't argue. He knew better than that.

Twenty five minutes later, it became evident where they were headed. The warehouse district. Steve looked over at Bucky, but his focus was on the road ahead.

"Do you want me to call for backup?"

"No. Not until we're sure."

Five minutes later, they pulled up next to an old abandoned warehouse. A warehouse which happened to be situated right next door to one Bucky owned. From where they were parked, they could clearly see three dark Suburbans parked by a side door into the warehouse.

"Sometimes, I hate being right," Bucky muttered. "Call the guys. Meet them here."

Steve nodded and Bucky got out of the car. "Wait, where are you going?"

"Inside," Bucky responded as he shrugged his suit jacket back on.

"Are you insane? You're not going in without backup."

Bucky leveled a glare at Steve that could easily make a grown man whimper in fear. "Do not follow me until the others arrive."

"Bucky, that could be 30 minutes from now!"

"You think I don't know that? I'm not waiting 30 minutes. I can't just stand out here while that asshole is in there doing god knows what to her! I can't watch her die!" Bucky exclaimed emotionally. He took a deep breath and said in a more even tone, "And I'm sure as hell not leading you to the slaughter either."

Steve sighed, but he nodded. "Just make sure you come back alive, okay?"

Bucky smiled and walked across the dark alley to one of the more hidden entrances. Bucky may have the home court advantage, but Reynolds still had the upper hand.

**********

*Earlier*

"Charlie, where in the world are we going?" You asked.

"Patience, my dear. You'll see."

You sighed. You knew better than to ask him again. He seemed to love surprises. He'd showed up at your office with lunch from your favorite Thai place. Then he'd begged you to let him take you out to dinner again, and you just couldn't say no. He was so sweet and caring. It was quite endearing.

It wasn't until you started seeing areas of town you didn't recognize that you got concerned. "Umm, Charlie? What are we doing in the warehouse district?"

Charlie shot you a grin. "It's a surprise."

There was something about the grin that made you shudder. You tried to brush it off, but there was a nagging feeling in your mind that you couldn't erase. You started to think maybe you shouldn't ignore it...how well did you really know this man anyway? You'd only known him for a little over 24 hours. The only reason you'd let your guard down was because Carter had recommended him...only you'd never asked Carter about it. Which now you realized may have been a fatal mistake. "Stop the car," you demanded.

Charlie simply ignored you and picked up speed.

"Stop. The. Car. Now."

Charlie laughed, and it sent chills down your spine.

"I'm not kidding, Charlie. Let me out."

"That's not going to happen. You see, I have plans for tonight...and I need you for those plans. It's easier if you're a willing participant, but you certainly don't have to be. In fact, it might be more fun that way."

Your heart began to race and your blood went cold. You knew how to defend yourself, but you'd had several glasses of wine with dinner, all at Charlie's insistence of course, and you were feeling quite tipsy. Your brain felt foggy and you were struggling to figure out a way out of the mess you'd managed to get yourself into.

Charlie pulled into the parking lot of a warehouse you vaguely recognized as one of the several Bucky owned throughout the city. "Why are we here?" You couldn't quite keep the fear out of your voice and it only served to anger you.

Charlie smiled coldly. "You'll see."

The moment he turned to get himself out of the car, you flung the passenger side door open and leapt out, running towards civilization. You didn't get more than a few feet before large arms picked you up and began to carry you back towards the ominous building. You screamed, kicked, and punched as best you could, but it seemed to make no difference.

You looked up at the man who had restrained you and gulped. He was a very large man. Maybe 6'5", 280lbs of pure muscle. You weren't getting away, no matter how hard you tried. The realization brought tears to your eyes. I'm going to die tonight.

"Where do you want her, boss?" the big man asked.

"Follow me."

Charlie led the way into the building, the man carrying you and three others followed after him.

Eventually, you reached an inner room that you'd never seen before. There was plastic tarp on the walls and floors and a single chair in the middle of the room. "Please," you whimpered.

Charlie laughed again. "Oh I do like it when you beg." He gestured to the man holding you. "Sit her there and zip tie her to the chair. Make sure it's tight."

You struggled the entire way, but the big man easily maneuvered you. With some help from one of the other men, they made quick work of securing your arms and legs to the chair. The zip ties dug into your skin and the more you moved, the more painful it became...which was probably the point.

Charlie grabbed a chair from the far corner of the room and sat it directly in front of yours. He sat down on it and leaned forward to look at you closely. "Do you know why you're here, (Y/N)?"

"No."

"Hmm," he leaned back. "Well, do you know where we are?"

"Yes."

"And where would that be?"

"In a warehouse."

"Do you really wish to make this difficult?" he asked menacingly.

"Not particularly, but it certainly isn't simple."

Charlie chuckled. "You know, under different circumstances, I really do think we'd make quite a power couple."

"I think I'll stick with being alone, thanks."

He laughed. "You're no weak woman. I like that. Stubborn too."

You didn't say anything, but your eyes never left his.

Charlie sighed. "Perhaps I should reword the question. Do you know who owns this warehouse?"

"Yes."

"And that would be?"

"James Barnes," you said reluctantly.

The mention of his name seemed to anger Charlie and it made you worry that you'd said the wrong thing.

"That's correct." Charlie stood and began to pace around the room. "James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky to his friends, yes? I've learned quite a lot about this 'Bucky' in the last month or so. Quite a lot."

"Don't call him that," you snapped.

"Ohh, did I touch a nerve, sweetheart?" he asked as he caressed your cheek from behind you.

You jerked your head away from him. "Only people he cares about can call him that."

"Ahh, so only the people he loves then?" he whispered in your ear.

You didn't respond. There was no point.

"Do you know what it is Mr. Barnes does for a living, (Y/N)?"

"I'm his attorney, which I assume you already know."

"Quite right. And as his attorney, you handle his affairs?"

"Some of them, yes."

"Well are you aware what happens in this very room?"

You shook your head. "He's not obligated to tell me all of his activities."

"Perhaps not, but I'm sure he does. At least most of them, yes?"

"I think that's quite unlikely."

He laughed. "Odd, seeing as how the two of you were childhood friends."

You inhaled sharply.

"Oh yes, I know about that. I know about your little friend, Steve Rogers as well. I know quite a lot about all of you, in fact."

"Then what do you need me for? Since you already know everything."

He smiled and leaned forward, placing one hand on each of the chair arms. "I like hearing you admit to everything. Besides, I want to see how much you really know. So if you could just be honest for me, dearest, that would be so helpful." He paused. "I don't want to have to hurt you." He ran a finger across your cheek and down your neck.

You tried to pull away from him, but there was no where to go. "I don't want to help you."

"It doesn't matter what you want. You're going to help me willingly, or I'll force you to help me. The choice is entirely yours."

You glared at him, but remained silent.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw one of the other men step forward with a small pouch in his hand. He handed it to Charlie, who took it gratefully. He laid it on the chair beside him and began to unroll it. He took out each item and examined them carefully under the light, making sure you had a good view of each one.

The first item he took out appeared to be a rasp, like the ones ferriers use to trim a horse's hoof. The second was a very sharp, very long blade. You couldn't quite make out the third, but it was small and shiny. The fourth was a pair of pliers. Each item he pulled out was clearly used for torture. You were no fool. You knew they were meant for you.

“So that’s your plan then? Torture me?”

Charlie smiled. “Don’t worry. I’ll only hurt you if I have to.”

“What exactly do you want, Charlie?”

He seemed to be annoyed at your use of his first name, but he didn’t correct you. “I want Barnes.”

You gave him an odd look and waited for him to continue.

“I want to watch him squirm. I want to see him in pain. I want him to sob and beg for mercy as I take everything from him.” Charlie sighed. “And then I want to slit his throat.”

“Why exactly do you hate him so much?”

“Because he’s a murderer!” He yelled.

You were taken aback by the hostility in his voice. “And you’re not?” You asked softly.

“I am when I have to be.”

“But he’s just a monster? How is that not hypocritical?”

Charlie walked over to you, knife in hand. He leaned forward menacingly and touched the edge of the blade to your cheek. “He killed my brother, (Y/N). He deserves to die.”

This was news to you. You weren’t stupid. You knew who Bucky was…what he was. People around him had the habit of disappearing or dying under mysterious circumstances. But in your experience, none of those people had been innocents. None had been good people. “Who was your brother?”

Charlie slid the blade down, nicking your skin just enough to draw blood. “When I was 18, I decided to change my last name. Distance myself from my family and the blood on their hands. But life has a way of pulling you back in…I suppose you could say I was born for it.” He paused. “My last name was Mulligan.”

Your eyes widened and you let out a slight gasp. “Keenan,” you whispered.

“That’s right, (Y/N). I’m Keenan’s younger brother.”

“I’m sorry.”

Charlie looked surprised. “You’re what?”

“I’m sorry your brother is dead. I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for you.”

For some reason, your sympathy only made him angrier. “I don’t need your sympathy. What I need is answers!”

“I can’t give you any. I don’t know anything about his death.” It’s true. You didn’t know anything.

“Liar.” Charlie picked up the rasp and moved towards you again. “Tell me what you know.”

“I don’t know anything.”

He laid the rasp on your arm. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying.”

He slowly ran the rasp across your arm, placing pressure on it as he went. You cried out in pain as the skin on your arm was sliced by dozens of tiny metal pieces.

“Tell me what you know.”

“I don’t know anything!” You yelled.

“Give me Barnes!” He yelled back.

You paled, realizing what he was really asking for. “It doesn’t matter what you do to me. I will never betray him. Never.”

“So be it.”

The sounds of your screams echoed through the empty building…

*Now*

When Bucky entered the warehouse, it was completely silent. Normally that might not bother him, but in this moment it was more terrifying than he could have imagined. He made his way deeper into the warehouse, knowing there were only one or two places Reynolds was likely to take you.

He was about 50 feet away from the first room when he heard your scream.

Without thinking, he drew his gun and raced into the room. It took him mere moments to assess the situation. He saw you tied to a chair in the center of the room, beaten and bloody. Reynolds was standing behind you. The moment Bucky entered the room, Reynolds put a knife to your throat.

His henchmen each pointed a gun at Bucky, making him severely out numbered and out gunned.

“Let her go,” Bucky stated.

Reynolds laughed and tightened his grip on the knife, bringing tears to your eyes as the blade bit into your skin. “Barnes! Welcome. Welcome. Make yourself at home.”

Bucky stared at Reynolds like he’d grown a second head. “I said, let her go.”

“We both know that’s not going to happen. So go ahead and put your gun down before I slit her throat.”

Bucky looked at you then. Really, truly looked at you…and felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. Your face was bloody and he could already see black and blue marks developing on your skin. Your arms and legs were even bloodier and it was clear you were in a lot of pain. “(Y/N/N),” he whispered.

“I’m okay,” you murmured.

Bucky looked back up at Reynolds. “Why are you doing this? She’s an innocent.”

“Oh please, Barnes. She’s your attorney. She’s far from innocent.”

“She doesn’t deserve this.”

Reynolds shrugged. “I’ll be the judge of that. Now, please, be a good boy and drop the gun.” He emphasized his statement by digging the knife into your throat a little more, blood trickling down your neck.

“Don’t hurt her,” Bucky begged. “I’ll put it down.” He started to bend down to drop the gun, but paused when he heard you speak.

“No, Bucky. Don’t.” Your voice was barely audible. The knife against your throat making it difficult to speak. “He’ll kill you.”

Bucky sat the gun on the ground. “Better me than you.”

“No…” you whispered.

Reynolds laughed and nodded to his men, one of which picked up Bucky’s gun and forced him to his knees. “Now…where were we?”

Your eyes searched for Bucky’s and when his gaze met yours, you could see the anger in his blue eyes. But what scared you, downright terrified you, was the fear you saw. Bucky was never afraid of anything. It was a defining feature of his personality. But right now, in this moment, Bucky Barnes was afraid.

Reynolds removed the knife from your throat and you breathed a sigh of relief. “Alright Barnes. Here’s what we’re gonna do. I’m gonna ask a question, you’re gonna answer it honestly. Lie to me, I hurt her. Refuse to answer, I hurt her. Piss me off, I hurt her. Got it?”

Bucky nodded.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.”

“I understand,” Bucky said, annoyance evident in his tone.

“Wonderful. First question. Do you know who I am?”

“Charles Mulligan. Goes by Charlie Reynolds these days.”

“Very good. Someone did their homework.” He leaned forward to stage whisper in your ear conspiratorially, “I’m guessing it was Steve.”

You didn’t respond, but that didn’t deter Reynolds. “Second question. Do you know why I’m here?”

“I’m assuming it has something to do with your brother’s death.”

“Right again. Question three. Did you murder my brother?”

Bucky responded instantly and firmly, “No, I did not.”

Reynolds sighed. “Wrong answer,” he said as he stabbed a smaller blade directly into your exposed thigh, eliciting a cry of pain from you.

“Please! Don’t hurt her,” Bucky yelled, struggling against the man who held him in place. “I didn’t kill your brother.”

Reynolds looked angry. “Don’t lie to me, James. I’ll kill her without a second thought.”

“I’m not lying.”

“Then let me rephrase the question. Did you have my brother murdered?”

Bucky was silent for a moment, seemingly weighing his options. He decided the truth was the safer bet, especially with your life on the line. “Yes, I did.”

You inhaled sharply and Bucky kept his eyes from meeting yours. He didn’t want to see the disgust on your face.

“See? I told you he killed him,” Reynolds said to you.

“Technically he didn’t,” you mumbled.

“Why do you still defend him?” He yelled.

You remained silent. There was no need to voice your reasoning. Reynolds didn’t really care anyway.

“You’re pathetic,” he murmured before turning his attention back to Bucky. “You had my brother killed right here in this very room, didn’t you?”

Bucky closed his eyes. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because he was making too many mistakes. Bringing too much heat to the city. People were starting to take notice and it was bad for business.”

“You could have talked to him.”

“I did. Several times, actually. He refused to get his shit together. So I did what I had to do to protect my own.”

Reynolds didn’t look pleased with this response. “You didn’t even have the decency to do it yourself. Too good to get your hands dirty?”

“I can’t run a business like this if I don’t delegate.”

“Delegate.” Reynolds huffed loudly. “You see that’s where we differ. I like to do things myself. I’m very hands on.” He slid the longer blade across your upper arm, slicing the skin.

“I didn’t lie!” Bucky insisted.

Reynolds shrugged. “I was proving a point.”

“Look. Your issue is clearly with me. Just let her go and you can do whatever you want to me.”

“While that sounds like an enticing offer, I’m going to have to decline. You see, I hold all the cards. I don’t need to make a deal with you.” He walked forward and leaned down so his face was mere inches from Bucky’s. “You took someone I love from me and now you have to pay for it. I’m going to kill the person you love most while you watch, completely helpless.”

You barked out a loud laugh from across the room. All eyes were on you as you continued to laugh. “Oh, I’m sorry,” you choked out between giggles. “It’s just…you picked the wrong girl.” You laughed some more. “He doesn’t love me. Not like that.”

Reynolds stared at you for a moment, contemplating your statement. He turned his attention back to Bucky. “She’s your lover, yes?”

Bucky shook his head. “Best friend, actually.”

Now it was Reynolds’ turn to laugh. “Oh is that all? I think not, Mr. Barnes. You would not lay down your life for a mere friend. Not if you are even half as ruthless as people say you are.”

You were slightly surprised by the exchange. You knew very well you were nothing more than a friend to Bucky. It had always been that way and you’d learned to be okay with it. To accept it. “Tell him, Bucky. Tell him you don’t love me like that.”

Bucky looked up at you and you were surprised to see pain in his eyes.

Reynolds leaned forward, “Now remember…don’t lie.”

Bucky looked from you to Reynolds and then back to you again. “I can’t tell him that, (Y/N).”

Reynolds grinned. “Oh excellent. This is better than a movie.” He stepped back to watch the exchange with a giddy expression on his face. He was clearly enjoying the agony both you and Bucky were in.

“Why not, Bucky?” You asked softly.

“I cannot lie.”

Those three words rocked your world. You sat there in stunned silence, letting the meaning of his statement sink in.

"Aren't you going to respond, (Y/N)?" Reynolds prodded.

You turned to glare at him. "No. Our lives, our feelings, and our pain are not for your amusement. We aren't playthings. We're real people."

Reynolds rolled his eyes. "Boring." He walked back towards you, knife pointed in your direction. "As much as I would enjoy digging into this all night, I do have a schedule to keep." He spoke as if you hadn't just completely shut him down. "I think now the question is, how should I kill you? Long, slow, and torturous, so as to prolong his pain? Or perhaps nice and quick, so I can enjoy his agony for longer?"

You leaned forward as far as you could. "It doesn't matter which one you choose. Either way, your life is over the moment I die."

Reynolds looked surprised. "How do you figure?"

"They will never stop hunting you. There is no where on this earth you can go where they won't find you. You will spend every second of your life scared and on the run, until you suddenly find yourself in a situation not so different from this one, except you'll be the one in the chair."

Reynolds laughed loudly. "Who's going to hunt me down little girl? Once you're dead, I'm going to kill him," he said gesturing to Bucky. "No one will be the wiser. The only witnesses are in this room."

You smiled coldly. "I know. The one person who would without a doubt avenge my death is Bucky. But his death?" you chuckled and shook your head. "There are hundreds of people who will avenge him. Every single person in his organization, every family member, the best hitmen money can buy...they'll all be looking for you."

For the first time that night, Reynolds looked worried. The color had drained from his face and he seemed to be troubled by your words. He cleared his throat and attempted to collect himself. "That's nonsense."

"She's right," Bucky stated. "Everyone will want you dead, but not just if you kill me. You've already done enough to her to earn you a life as a fugitive. There has always been one rule in my organization that comes before all others. Just one. 'Any act of violence towards (Y/N), whether it be verbal or physical, is an act of war against us all.' You just signed your own death sentence."

Your eyes widened and your lips parted in surprise. You'd never heard such a rule before. In fact, you had no idea that Bucky made his entire organization protect you. You thought it was just him and Steve...like it had always been. Perhaps that was naive of you.

"That's an actual rule?" Reynolds asked in shock.

"It was the first rule I ever made. And every single one of my men knows it. They will abide by it, as they always have."

"What about your life?" you asked quietly.

Bucky looked at you in surprise. "My life?"

"Yes. You're their leader. What about your life?"

Bucky shook his head. "I'm nothing without you."

Reynolds watched the exchange in silence. He was quite surprised by the depth of emotion Barnes clearly had for (Y/N). He had assumed that the infamous mafia boss was much like himself, cruel and incapable of real love. Even he had to admit it was endearing...just not enough to make him change his mind. "Enough of this sappy nonsense. I'm not afraid of anyone or anything." He looked at Bucky. "I decided you had to pay for my brother's death, so pay you will." He turned to look at you. "And I'm sorry, but you're the price he has to pay." With that, he made his way towards you and knelt down in front of you.

Bucky desperately tried to get up, to get to you, to do something, but he was quickly pinned to the ground by two of the henchmen.

You saw him struggling and tears streamed down your cheeks. You knew this was it. You were going to die. For the first time in your life, Bucky Barnes was not going to save you.

You felt the tip of the blade against your stomach and you looked down towards the man kneeling in front of you. He looked up at you and smirked slightly before sliding the knife directly into your stomach. You gasped in pain and you watched as blood began to seep from the wound. You vaguely heard the sound of Bucky yelling, but your mind was in a daze.

Reynolds stood up, leaving the knife buried in your gut. He walked over towards Bucky and knelt beside him on the ground...and just watched.

Bucky's struggling only increased and you could hear him calling your name. You slowly looked across the room, making eye contact with the man you had loved your entire life. Agony was etched into his handsome features and it broke your heart. You were the one dying, and yet somehow he was the one you felt sorry for.

"I should have told you before," you said softly.

Bucky stopped struggling so he could hear what you were saying.

"My whole life, you protected me. Maybe I sometimes resented it." you paused to take a few breaths. "You were my best friend, my confidant, my home." Another shaky inhale. "I have loved you my whole life, James. And I will love you long after I'm gone." Your breathing was much more labored now and your head began to droop. You could feel your body becoming weaker as you lost more blood.

"(Y/N/N), (Y/N/N), please. Stay with me," Bucky pleaded.

There was a sudden loud noise and you heard yelling. Your eyes were struggling to stay open and you couldn't focus on anything. You heard what sounded like gunfire, followed by more yelling. Everything was a blur and your ears were ringing.

There were hands on yours and you felt the zip ties that had been cutting into your skin break. You didn't understand what was happening, but you could hear muffled voices...were they speaking to you? "Bucky..." you muttered.

You felt your body being lifted up and then laid on something flat. You were starting to drift towards unconsciousness and your mind was unable to focus. You felt hands on your stomach and an intense pressure that you didn't understand. What is happening?

"(Y/N)? (Y/N), can you hear me?" a voice asked, breaking through the haze. I know that voice, you thought.

"Bu...ck...y," you breathed out slowly.

"It's me. I'm here. I'm right here. You're gonna be okay. Just stay with me baby. Stay with me."

Those were the last words you heard before the darkness overtook you, and then there was nothing.

**********

You woke up to the sound of rhythmic beeping. At first you thought it was your alarm clock, but then you realized it didn't sound quite right. You tried to open your eyes, but you found your eyelids to be almost too heavy to open.

You tried to shift your body, but a sharp pain in your abdomen kept you in place. Where am I?

The beeping continued, but as you started to wake up more, your brain realized what the beeping was...a heart monitor. Am I in a hospital?

Your eyelids finally cooperated and your retinas were assaulted by the suddenly bright lights. You groaned audibly as your eyes fluttered shut again.

You heard rustling beside you. "(Y/N)?" The voice was soft and familiar. So very familiar. Why is it so familiar?

You sighed and turned your head towards the voice, forcing your eyelids open again. The lights were still too bright, but this time you could see a man sitting beside your bed. He was blurry and out of focus, but you were absolutely certain you knew him.

The man leaned forward and said your name a second time. "(Y/N)?" He grabbed your hand and gave it a squeeze.

And then you knew. "Bucky," you croaked, your voice coming out hoarse and low.

Bucky jumped up. "Let me get you some water."

He returned moments later with a small cup of water and a straw, which he helped you drink. The liquid soothed your achy throat and you smiled gratefully. "Thanks," you whispered.

"Of course, doll." He sat back down beside you. "How are you feeling?"

You shrugged slightly. "I don't know...I--how did I get here? What happened?"

Bucky's face paled. "You don't remember?"

You shook your head and tried to sit up, but that same pain in your stomach made it impossible. It was such a sharp pain that you winced and inhaled sharply.

"Hey, easy there. Don't try to move."

"It hurts," you said softly. "So sharp. Almost like--like a stabbing pain." The moment the words left your mouth, you remembered. The memories slammed into your brain, drowning you in pain. You touched your forehead and felt bandages there. You blinked rapidly to get your eyes to adjust. When everything came into focus, you saw that your arms and hands were bandaged in various places. Your hands began to shake and Bucky immediately stood up and took your hands in his.

"Hey, it's okay, doll. You're safe."

You looked up at him and tears filled your eyes. "I thought I was going to die."

Bucky's eyes were sad and you could see just how exhausted he was. "So did I."

"I'm sorry, Bucky," you whispered.

He looked surprised. "For what? You didn't do anything wrong."

You shook your head. "I let my guard down too soon. He just...he seemed so nice and I thought--" tears streamed down your cheeks.

Bucky immediately brushed them away. "None of it was your fault, doll. It's my job to protect you and I failed. So if anyone is to blame, it's me."

"You didn't do anything wrong."

Bucky laughed. "God you're stubborn."

You smiled slightly.

Bucky sat back down beside you and sighed softly.

"Buck?"

"Yeah, sweets?"

"What happened after--after I got stabbed?"

Bucky closed his eyes for a moment, pain ghosting across his features as he remembered that very moment. "Steve came to the rescue."

"Steve? By himself?"

Bucky shook his head. "Steve and pretty much every NYPD officer in all of Brooklyn."

"What?"

"Yeah, I was surprised too. Turns out, Reynolds was a bigger fish...or maybe just a good way for the NYPD to one-up the LAPD. They got him on 2 counts of attempted murder, kidnapping, and torture. Plus a couple drug and gun charges. Oh and aggravated assault of a police officer."

"Apparently I missed a lot."

"Oh yeah. Thankfully, EMS was there too, so they were able to help you right away."

"They didn't try to arrest you?"

Bucky shrugged. "For what? Getting kidnapped? Trying to save the love of my life? Almost getting killed? They didn't exactly have anything to hold me on."

While you were glad Bucky was alive, seemingly okay, and not on his way to prison, your focus shifted almost entirely to one part of his statement. "The love of your life?" you asked softly.

He blushed. "I know some of last night might be a blur to you...but you did confess your undying love for me, so..." he grinned.

You laughed. Truly laughed. For the first time since you woke up. It made your stomach ache, but you didn't care. "Don't make me laugh. It hurts," you said lightly. "I do remember saying something to that effect."

Bucky smiled and gently touched your face. "And if you recall, I confessed mine. Just perhaps, not in as many words."

"Hmm, I can't quite remember what you said. Maybe you could remind me?" you teased.

He chuckled. "I think it was something like, '(Y/N) (Y/L/N), you are the greatest thing that's ever happened to me and I can't imagine life without you. I have loved you my entire life...long before I even knew what love was. I'm going to love you every single day of my life and for the rest of eternity after that. I know I will never be worthy of your love, but I'm going to spend every single day trying to earn it."

You let out a breath you didn't know you'd been holding. "Bucky..." you whispered. "I don't think you said it quite like that."

He laughed heartily. "You're a dork."

You grinned. "You love it."

"I do indeed. Our banter has suddenly taken on new meaning."

You smiled and touched his hand. "I think the meaning was always there. We just pretended it wasn't."

"Touche." He leaned down and kissed your hand.

"Really? I almost died and that's all I get?"

Bucky rolled his eyes playfully. He stood up and leaned over you, placing a warm, gentle kiss to your lips. You kissed him back and you felt a warmth spread throughout your entire body.

When he broke the kiss, he whispered, "Better?"

You giggled. "Much better." You paused. "So...what's the plan?"

"Plan?" he asked in confusion.

"Ya know...us."

Understanding lit up his face. "Ahh. Well. I was thinking I would take you out to dinner."

"Dinner? Hmm."

"Yes." Bucky said warmly. "Every day for the rest of our lives."

Your face lit up. "I'd be okay if you cooked occasionally."

He laughed. "You're not allowed in my kitchen."

You smacked him affectionately. "It was one time!"

"You almost burned half the house down!"

You were both laughing like idiots when Steve walked into the room. "Glad to see you're awake and in such good spirits."

"Stevie!" you said with a smile.

He walked over to you and leaned down to give you a hug. "How you feeling, (Y/N/N)?"

"Like I got hit by a train and stabbed in the stomach, but otherwise just peachy. You?"

Steve winced.

"Hey," you said softly. "I'm okay. Really."

He offered you a small smile. "I knew you would be. You're tougher than all of us put together."

"That's true," Bucky agreed.

"You're both full of it," you said with a smile. "But I'm glad to see you're okay too, Steve."

"I'm resilient."

"They say that about cockroaches too," you teased.

"Damn, girl. I'm gonna blame that on the plethora of drugs you're on."

You grinned. "Nah, that was 100% me."

Steve smiled and Bucky chuckled.

You looked between the two men and sighed, grabbing each of their hands. "Thank you," you said sincerely.

"You never have to thank us. It's just what we do," Steve said.

"Speaking of," you began. "Steve, what's Bucky's number one rule?"

"You mean for life or for the organization?"

"The organization."

"Oh, this is really not important," Bucky began, but a look from you silenced him instantly.

Steve looked back and forth between you two and finally answered when Bucky shrugged and put his hands in the air. "It's a simple rule and it's been that way pretty much our whole lives. When we were kids it was 'you mess with (Y/N), you deal with us.' When we grew up and things changed, the rule grew up too. 'Any act of violence towards (Y/N), whether it be verbal or physical, is an act of war against us all.'"

You looked at Bucky. "You weren't making that up."

Bucky shook his head. "You've always been my number one priority."

You smiled, a soft blush creeping into your cheeks. "Is this written down in some kind of handbook?"

The two men laughed. "Yes, we have a 'rules for the mafia' handbook," Bucky joked.

"I knew it." You grinned.

Bucky just shook his head and smiled at you. "I love you, you weirdo."

"I love you too," you said softly.

Steve looked at you, then at Bucky, then back at you again. "I guess I missed a lot."

Bucky shrugged. "I've spent far too long hiding my feelings. Life's too short."

You squeezed Bucky's hand. "There's no one I'd rather spend it with."

"Fucking, finally!" Steve said proudly.

The three of you laughed. You couldn't have imagined being this happy, especially given the events of the last 24 hours, but here you were...alive and with the man you loved. Perhaps life really does find a way after all.