#anyways this is bad coz we only have water to drink right now

[peri]

just found out i experience gustatory hallucinations D: i always had this thing i called "pumpkin water" (water that tastes very bad and also like pumpkin. which is bad. not that pumpkin spice shit) i experience ever since i was like 6-7 and ONLY around halloween season and at first (and for years) i was literally convinced this dudes mom cursed me coz she said she would put a curse on me and thats when it started. so naturally i was like wow im cursed this sucks.

i told everyone about it and no one else was ever able to taste it. but it never once occurred to me that it could be a hallucination (and also coz i didnt know i was psychotic til i was like 18) til my fiancee just mentioned it might be. coz it suddenly just came back - which i thought was weird coz it usually only came around halloween season like i said; which was when i was "cursed" - so my fiancee was like hey do you think. its coz youre half-off your meds right now (not by choice) and i looked it up and surely thats what im going thru. wow.

[ikeromantic]

Adrift

A Mitsuhide Akechi fanfic - this scene occurs after the romantic epilogue. (HC post-epilogue fun). Approx. 1300 words.

Thanks to @yukina-otome for inspiring part of this scene with her adorable story Tricking a Kitsune

First: Mitsuhide and the Maiden

Previous: Old Friends, New Adventures

The still void stretched out for what felt like an eternity. Yet, when it ended, Mitsuhide was fairly sure it had only lasted a few breaths at most. The gloom around him coalesced into a night sky - similar, and yet strange. The stars looked washed out and distant, and the night itself felt too bright.

There was a fire burning across a path of black stone. It was shaped like a double-arch, yellow as gold, and under it a cherry-red. It didn’t flicker or dance like a flame, but held steady against the night.

His little mouse stood beside him, her mouth open. “Oh,” she said. “Oh no.”

Miyake started to laugh. He bent double, short of breath and gasping, but unable to stop his laughter.

Sasuke was wiping his glasses dry. He slid them onto his face and looked around. “I am afraid there was a slight miscalculation on my part.” He looked to the three of them and bowed low. “You have my apologies.”

“What do you mean, Sasuke? How did we - how did this happen?” The chatelaine sounded more exhausted than angry, though there was heat to her words.

The ninja’s expression didn’t change but his tone was remorseful. “I have been working on a way to trigger the wormholes. To allow passage at will, if we want it. I planned to bring . . . “ He took a breath. “We can talk about what I planned later. Right now, I just need you to know this was not the intended effect.”

Mitsuhide took a breath. “I assume this is your hometown?”

Sasuke nodded. “Our home time, anyway. We are quite a long distance away from my flat. And yours?” He glanced at the chatelaine.

“Yes, if it is still mine.”

Miyake finally got control of his hysterical laughter and straightened. He raised a trembling hand and pointed it toward the black-rock path. Two bright pinpoints of light were moving toward them. “What is that?”

“A car. Those are like very fast carts. It is traveling on a modern highway - a road. And beside it is a western fast food shop.” Sasuke gave the warlord and his vassal a firm look. “Stay off the road, and don’t speak to anyone just yet. Let the chatelaine and I do the talking if anyone asks you questions.”

Mitsuhide nodded. The words and what he was seeing were incomprehensible. He was confused and tired. This night, he wasn't ready to put forward the effort to understand life 500 years after his own death.

And he needed to understand the how and why of this place before he could do anything. Mitsuhide knew he was seeing only a small fraction of this world, and already he felt almost overwhelmed. Focus, he told himself. He needed to get back to Azuchi, and anxiety would not help him to that goal.

Miyake waited for his lord’s reaction and then followed suit. “You’ll be our guide then. Now, care to tell me where in the hells this is and how we got here?”

“First, tell me when we will be able to return. This is not a good time to be away,” Mitsuhide interrupted.

Sasuke sighed. “I . . . I’m not sure. I’d like to say with a slight adjustment to the variables we could return at the flip of a switch. But I believe the wormhole’s location and frequency are impacted by a wider variety of potential vectors than initially accounted for.”

“What he means is, he needs time to work on the math before he can try to get us back,” the chatelaine added when she saw the look on Mitsuhide’s face. “In the meantime, we need to get someplace safe to dry off, change clothes, and rest.”

“And get some food,” Miyake grumbled.

The ninja nodded. “Wait here.”

Mitsuhide watched as Sasuke carefully crossed the black-rock road and went into the brick building behind the strangely arched flames. It was a lantern, he thought, a smokeless lantern.

It took several minutes for the ninja to return. During this time, the kitsune warlord took stock of this place. He wanted to see the world that created his little one. The peace and wealth that could build a woman of such ideals and kindness.

This was not how he’d imagined coming to this place though. Here, in a clearing near a . . . highway . . . with Miyake in tow. Leaving chaos behind him.

In the distance, he could see the glow of many fires. And above him, he spotted a falling star. Only it wasn’t falling. It was moving fast through the night sky, blinking red and white.

The chatelaine spotted the object of his attention. “That’s an airplane. It has lights on it when it is landing or taking off.”

Mitsuhide nodded as if he understood, though most of what she said sounded like nonsense.

Miyake’s eyebrows rose. “An air . . . plane?”

“Right. It’s a flying, uhm, like a boat? They put people and cargo on it, and take them all over the world.”

“Could we take it home?” Miyake watched the lights progress across the sky.

She shook her head. “It doesn’t travel through time.”

“Too bad,” Miyake sighed.

Sasuke finally returned and guided them across the road. He stopped near the giant fiery arches. “If anyone asks, you are cosplayers. We are here waiting for our ride. Please say nothing about the wormhole or - or where we came from. The results would not be advantageous.”

Mitsuhide smiled. As if he needed to be told that the truth was not always the best response. “What is coz. . . cozplay?” The word felt strange in his mouth as if it didn’t belong there.

“Ah, roleplayers who dress up and pretend to be things or people they are not.” The ninja shrugged. “A bit like a theater troupe.”

“Not again,” Miyake sighed, earning a reproving look from Mitsuhide.

The four of them trudged through double doors. Perfect, flaw free glass. Mitsuhide did not react, but he was surprised. What kind of place had so much perfect, clear glass that they used it for doorways? He might have asked, but the interior assaulted his senses, distracting him from any question.

The inside was lit as brightly as noon, and smelled of grease and salt. People in strange matching clothes stood behind a long, tile table on one side. The other held tables and chairs, smooth and shining - not wood or stone, but something else entirely. It was to these that the ninja led them and told them to sit.

The few people inside were staring at the group uncomfortably.

“Cosplay,” Miyake said to them, waving. It was like a magic word, causing a sudden and complete lack of interest.

The chatelaine laughed nervously. “I didn’t think about how different we’d look here.”

Mitsuhide laid his palm on her lower back, rubbing gently in small, calming circles. “It’s alright, little one. We are cosplaying. We should stand out.”

She smiled up at him. “Right. Yes.”

Sasuke came back to the table with four cups filled with a dark liquid and a tray of some hot, chopped . . . something. It was not recognizable.

Miyake eyed it suspiciously. “Is this food?”

“Furaidopoteto and kōkusu. I’m lovin’ it,” Sasuke replied with a grin.

The chatelaine reached for a cup and took a long drink from it. “Oh! It’s so sweet! I don’t remember it being so sweet!”

Mitsuhide picked one up. The inside bubbled, almost like it was boiling, but it was cold. It tickled his nose when he smelled it. He took a tentative sip. The bubbles in it popped and foamed on his tongue in a wash of sweetness that was beyond even fresh honey.

He swallowed, coughing, and wiped at his lips.

The chatelaine giggled at the expression he wore.

“Why does it bubble?” Mitsuhide peered into the cup, curious.

“It’s carbonation. It has gas in it that makes the water bubble for awhile.” She smiled. “Did you like it?”

“It is . . . interesting.”

Miyake picked up one of the furaidopoteto and popped it into his mouth without hesitation. “‘S like ship rations. Salty. Crunchy.” He swallowed. “Pretty good.”

They polished off the food and most of the drinks by the time their ‘ride’ arrived. It was a sleek metal and glass cart. Ship. Box with wheels. Mitsuhide didn’t have anything to compare it to. He felt a sense of being adrift and estranged. It was only his little one’s hand in his that kept him focused.

These things were familiar to her and she trusted them. And he trusted her. Even when the ‘car’ sped up so fast that the night around them blurred into an unrecognizable smear of countryside, light, and the strange night sky.

Next: Fake It Til You Make It

[fictorium]

Lemme take a chance that this very obvious combination may inspire more Supercat ficlets coz I’ve been dying with the feels you’ve been giving me lately. 22, 25, 40. Thanks so much!

22. “I don’t owe you an explanation.”

At first Kara assumes it’s another retreat in the mountains ‘diving’ situation. Cat Grant walking out on the White House is a big deal, but in a career like hers it barely breaks the top ten. Everyone speculates about what big move is next, including serious political commentary about whether Cat will run in the next election to unseat Baker. 

Instead she just disappears. Off the face of the Earth, it seems. 

Since she hasn’t been told otherwise, Kara ignores the chatter as best she can. It’s only natural that she reaches out by text and email to see if she can help spin whatever story Cat would rather have out there, and it definitely hurts when those go unanswered. Just a little. A totally normal amount. For two friends. Mentor and mentee. Former colleagues. 

Which is all they are. Were. Can be. Kara’s sure about that. Mostly. 

It would just be polite, in a civilized society, to reply to a person’s texts. Even if just to say that what Cat had planned next was less than zero of Kara’s business. Period. 

It’s not like she’s mad about it. Anyway.

It’s only when the unthinkable happens almost three weeks in, when the media actually moves on from the Where Is Cat Grant story that they’ve been having so much fun with, that Kara starts to look at the situation differently. Cat can be guarded about her privacy for someone so public, but she usually leaves at least a trail of breadcrumbs to wrongfoot the paparazzi. 

The reporter in Kara almost can’t help herself. She has access to almost everything she did as Cat’s assistant--surprisingly, most things on that front haven’t changed--and it only takes a few calls to former colleagues of Cat’s in DC to start picking up the first scent of the mystery. 

It’s a mystery that results only in dead ends though, and Kara is so frustrated after days of working on it flat out that she gives in and uses her supersenses for the kind of lead that good journalism just isn’t providing. She’s out of practice and it wouldn’t work if Cat really had gone to the other side of the planet, but she must at least be somewhere on the West Coast judging by how quickly Kara picks up that familiar half-stutter in Cat’s every second heartbeat, the result of a faint murmur she’s had since childhood. 

At first it worried Kara, because it sounded a little broken and almost like a warning, but she quickly got used to it working beside Cat all day every day. Now it’s a useful beacon in street after street of heartbeats, none of them quite right. When she does finally, almost frantically, track down that one elusive beat, Kara’s a little startled to discover Cat’s somewhere way out in the desert, with only a handful of other people anywhere nearby. 

Kara checks property records and Cat’s accounts to see if there’s some new house in the portfolio, but it’s only tracing a sizeable payment in the thousands to something vaguely labelled on a statement as ‘wellness’ that Kara puts the pieces together. 

She should leave it there, when she does. It’s not something she should intrude on. But there’s a website. Full of glossy words and promises and legally-watertight non-guarantees. Kara wants to throw up as she reads more and more of it, of seeing page after page that screams at her for being so far out of the loop, for not being around to see where this was all going. 

And mostly, horribly, for being too damn late. 

There’s only one thing Kara wants to do now, but the tiny chance of it is entirely dependent on whether Cat will even see her. It’s coming up on 8pm when Kara picks up the phone, and she just hopes that will be reason enough for her call to get answered. 

* * *

At least when she gets there, to the mysterious sprawling ranch in the desert, Kara can see that it’s the height of luxury. That much hasn’t changed since Kara’s world flipped upside down over a week ago. The worst part has been not being able to tell a single soul, not even Alex, and the stress of that was only offset by Cat agreeing to see Kara. Today. In exactly 13 minutes to be exact. 

Security is tight, but Kara has patience to spare as she goes through step after step to be allowed inside, to once again be accepted into Cat’s inner sanctum. The room that Kara is politely told to wait in is certainly a beautiful space, a courtyard of sorts with sunbleached white walls and the kind of sleek but stuffed garden furniture that costs four times what Kara’s actual furniture was worth, brand new. 

There’s a small table with a pitcher of iced tea, so Kara pours a glass and downs it, pouring another right after. It’s distraction enough with the rattling ice that she doesn’t notice Cat’s approach. 

“I don’t owe you an explanation,” is Cat’s opening shot, and Kara spins around at the sound of her voice.

“I’m not asking for one.”

“Good. And I don’t want a drink, before you offer.” Cat waves a sleek water bottle that she’s holding in one hand, a band from it around her wrist. “I haven’t been drying out in here for weeks only to come out addicted to sugar.”

Well that answers any number of questions Kara doesn’t dare ask. As rehab facilities go, it’s certainly five-star. This is the first day on Cat’s program that she’s been allowed visitors, and Kara is surprised she’s even there. It would be terrible to blow it, to have Cat throw her out before they even sit down. 

“You look good,” Kara says instead, taking a seat on the large bench that dominates one wall. Cat considers for a moment, then joins her. She has large sunglasses in place, but there’s no evidence of makeup on her skin. Her hair has none of its usually immaculate style, and the blonde highlights have faded out to mostly brown at the roots. All the same, it’s true that Cat looks every bit as beautiful as Kara has always found her. 

The compliment earns only a derisive snort, but Cat preens just a little, in her linen shirt and pants, loose-fitting and crinkled in a way that feels almost unbearably intimate; like Kara shouldn’t be present when Cat is so stripped back and vulnerable. 

“So, you found me,” Cat says eventually. “We’ll make a reporter of you yet.”

“I’ve been nominated for a Pulitzer, Ms Grant.”

“Oh please, those don’t even count until your third.” 

Kara winces at her own excitement, at how readily she’d believed she’d made it. Cat, to her credit, seems to notice that the words were a little too flippant.

“You can still enjoy the first two, of course. Now you’ve seen me for yourself, is that enough?”

“Enough? Cat, I came to see if you need anything. If I can help in any way. Here, now, or when you get out and come home. I’ve been researching addiction, and how best to support someone you care about and--”

“Kara, I’m not your problem anymore. You don’t have to manage me, or keep my life running smoothly. You’re... off the hook for all that now.”

“Did you not hear the part where I care about you?” Kara won’t let that be swept aside, not now. “You can be oblivious, Cat, but not that unaware.”

“And if you’ve done your research, you’ll know that relationships in the first year of recovery are a bad idea. Along with all the other reasons it’s a bad idea.”

Kara stands. She’s being shot down before she even gets going, and it can’t be that way. Not now. 

“Do you honestly think I wouldn’t wait for you? That I haven’t basically been waiting for you since I walked into your office at 10:15 years ago? Do you think there is anything you could go through that would make me stop caring about you?”

“I have a lot to fix, Kara. Not least with my boys. Carter isn’t even...”

“I spoke to him,” Kara replies. “I know you’re not talking but I know he’s open to making that better, when you’re ready. And nothing I ever wanted for me and you would get in the way of that. We might only ever be friends, Cat, but I plan on being a good one.”

Cat reaches for her then, catching Kara’s hand and clutching it with her own. 

“I knew you’d find me. Somehow, I knew. And I don’t deserve you, Kara, but if you’re really offering to be in my life again, I don’t think I can turn that down.”

“Then don’t.”

“We could go for a walk? In the grounds? They let me do that now.” Cat stands without ever letting go of Kara’s hands. “I can’t promise anything else, but we could start with that?” 

“I’d like that,” Kara replies. “I’d like that a lot.”

[preface2adreamplay]

Under Your Spell (Chapter 27) - I Keep On Biting Til I Feel It

Summary: A Jared Padalecki/ OFC/ Oscar Isaac fiction.

Stef makes a phone call she didn’t think she’d make.

Married Jared! Single Oscar!

Chapter warnings: Angst, swearing, masturbaton.

Chapter WC: 2,450

Spending the weekend with Darius had been fun. They spent a little time at her mom’s graveside, then drank a few vodka’s in her memory at a bar downtown. 

It was the first time in a few years that they had one on one time. Stef could feel herself relaxing out of ‘mother mode’. They were sitting outside of the airport when Darius brought up Jared, not for the first time that weekend.

‘You don’t like him?’ Stef asked, sadly.

‘I do like him. He’s cool and he seems really into you. But, I dunno mom, I’d hate to see you hurt again.’

Stef put her hands into her lap, looking at people rushing in and out of their cars, trying to avoid the snow fall.

‘I hate that you remember the first time.’

‘I barely remember it, but you were pissed at dad for years.’

Stef snorted, half in amusement, remembering. 

‘I really didn’t let him forget it, did I?’

‘No,’ Darius’s voice, deeper than his fathers, sounded unusually snippy. 

‘I agree with that to a certain point, but.’ he hesitated, watching his mothers face. ‘Did you ever ask dad what actually happened?’

Stef whipped her head around to look him in the eyes, ‘I was there, Darius, I saw. That was enough.’

Darius huffed and looked out the window.

‘If Tanya did that to you, would you forgive her? Stef rolled her eyes and continued ‘actually, I don’t wanna have this conversation. I don’t want to argue with you before you go back to school.’

‘I’d at least hear her out.’ Darius regarded his mother for a moment and shrugged, he had said his piece. 

‘Don’t give me that mom look,’ He drew the corners of his mouth up into that cheeky smile she loved so much.

‘Give your mom a hug and don’t give her a headache, please?’ 

Darius got out of the car and walked to her side, grabbing her into a bear hug. 

‘Thanks for coming to see me baby boy.’ 

‘Take care of yourself, mom.’ 

Darius looked back over his shoulder as he walked into Departures. ‘I’ll kick his ass if he hurts you!’

***

Stef sat in her car, deciding she would text Claire and see how she was doing. 

Stef: Hey how did the weekend go? Darius surprised me and came to visit, I just dropped him at the airport.

It took only a few minutes to get a reply.

Claire: that’s so sweet! did Oscar come too?

Stef: Nah, he hurt himself on set, it was just my boy.

Claire: Poor Oscar. I’ll be back on Friday, so we can hang or go for food or drinks. Whatevs.

Stef smiled at the phone, tears threatening. Claire always remembered the upcoming weekend was a bad one. Each passing year, Stef would get less sad about her mothers passing and somehow that did make her sad, but in a different way. Claire was a great friend, albeit an unpredictable whirlwind of craziness and love. 

Stef was grounded and quiet where Claire was a leaf tossed in the changing directions of a gale on an island in the Atlantic. 

They complimented each other perfectly.

Stef: Perfect. tell Rich hey from me. xx

Claire had gone down to meet Richards family. Stef didn’t recall that ever happening before. The thoughts of it ignited excitement for her friend. Finally.

‘Ok, time for some music to calm me down.’ Stef poked around at her playlist until the familiar sound of Devin Townsend’s ‘Kingdom’ came onto her speakers. Hitting the road back home she could only think about what Darius had said about hearing his girlfriend out if she tried to explain why she kissed someone else. Stef knew she never let Oscar explain, she was too angry, upset, humiliated. 

Shaking the thoughts from her mind as she pulled up outside the house, she swallowed her pride and called Oscar.

His voice was muffled when he answered.

‘Hello?’

‘Shit, can you hear me?’

‘My name is not shit.’

Stef rolled her eyes.

‘I know you’re rolling your eyes,’ his familiar chuckle warmed her insides a little.

‘Am not.’

‘I gotta tell you, I was so surprised when I saw you were calling me.’

‘Why?’

‘Coz you never call me.’

Stef scoffed, ‘I do!’

‘Nah, you don’t, tell me, when was the last time you called me.’

Stef closed the door behind her. Brendan was slinking down the stairs, watching her with his green eyes narrowed. 

‘It’s Oscar!’ Stef declared. The cat stopped at the end of the stairs and looked at her expectantly.

‘Who are you talking to?’

‘Brendan.’ Stef was rubbing the soft fur under his chin, cooing at him as if he were baby. 

Oscar was laughing again. ‘I miss that crazy cat.’

‘He has calmed down a lot now. Usually if he misbehaves, I tell him he will have to go see Aunt Claire for a weekend.’

‘I imagine a weekend at Claire’s would be a lot more fun than you think.’

Stef hmmed a response, not really listening to him while she took off her coat one-handed.

‘You ok, Stef?’

‘Yeah, all good. Why?’

‘Not to keep at it, but you called me and you never call me. Is something up?’

‘Nooooo,’ Stef felt a little caught out, ‘I just wanted to see how you were, your foot, I mean.’

‘Just my foot?’ Oscar was biting back a giggle. 

‘Well, you hurt it!’

‘The rest of me can go fuck itself.’

Stef stopped dead in the middle of the living room and threw her head back, closing her eyes. ‘I could use a massage.’

‘You are so strange, you know that?’

‘Am not!’

Oscar was in a good mood, despite being in pain.

‘So what’s up with the foot? Darius said you hurt it in a stunt or something?’

‘Yep, I was doing a really cool and impressive stunt, and whatever way I landed, I twisted my ankle little.’

‘Oh, that sounds awful. I can’t wait to see the stunt that took you out.’ Stef laughed.

‘Ha ha, Stef. You’re all heart.’

‘Do you think you’ll live?’

‘I might, if only to see your face one more time.’

‘Oh fuck, you’re not allowed to do any more period dramas.’ 

‘I have help here anyway, I’m good,’ he said, exerting himself loudly as he shifted off the bed.

‘Who’s there?’

‘No one....I got a crutch.’

‘Oh.’

‘You sound like a crazy ex-girlfriend.’

‘I am.’

There was silence between them for a moment before Stef remembered why she called.

‘Thank you for getting Darius to visit me. That was a nice surprise.’

‘You’re welcome. He wanted to do it since last January, but he didn’t tell me in time and there were no flights.’

‘He’s so sweet.’

‘Yeah, he gets that from me.’ Oscar said, without missing a beat.

Stef sighed loudly into the phone. ‘Ouch,’ Stef’s hip brushed against dining table, pulling her jeans down with her free hand she inspected the large finger sized bruises there.

‘Earth to Stef, what’s up?’

‘I have a bruise on my hip, hurts like a motherfucker.’

‘Where did you get that?’ Stef caught herself before she tumbled out the words ‘Jared’s hands were holding me still while he fucked me hard, the way I like it.’

‘Walking into this dining table too often.’

‘You should move it.’

‘Good idea, come up here and help me rearrange my house so I don’t keep running into things.’ 

‘I’ll sit on the sofa and point to things with my crutch. You can care for me while I recover.’

Stef bit her lip, trying to imagine the scene. ‘I don’t know if I’d be a caring enough nurse to get you back on your feet.’

‘I disagree, I’ve seen you care for your mom and you raised a child. But I agree, you may not take care of me the same way.’

‘You make me sound mean, I was trying to be funny.’ Stef wiggled her fingers under the tap, there was plenty of hot water there for a bath. That may be just what she needed. Bubbles and wine. Why not, she was alone and needed to think. 

‘Definitely not mean. You are anything but mean.’

‘I dunno, maybe I am a horrible person,’ she said softly, more-so to herself than Oscar.

‘What the hell? There’s definitely something up with you Stef. You’re calling me, walking into furniture and telling me you’re a bad person. Do I have to come up there and tell you all the reasons why you’re great, coz you’re not listening to me now.’

‘Gonna hobble up?’

Oscar laughed. ‘I hear water. You’re either running a bath or having an almighty piss.’

‘Oscar!’ she scolded, ‘a lady passes water, we don’t piss.’

‘No matter how many times i ask you not to pee while you’re on the phone to me, you still do it.’

‘I know you too long to be shy around you.’

‘As long as it stays at number 1 and doesn’t drift into the number 2 zone. I would rather stay where I am if that’s what is the future offer.’

‘What are you rambling about?’ Stef poured a generous amount of bubble bath into the running water, enjoying the sight of it frothing furiously. It was gold and glittery. The glitter didn’t stick but it gave her a golden sheen that looked a little like a tan, depending on the light. 

‘Ok thanks for telling me about your bubble bath.’

Stef gulped, did she actually say that out loud?

‘I would actually love a bubble bath right now, but if I got in, I couldn’t get back out. I need a nurse. Will you wash me, Stef?’

‘I would wash you and leave you sitting in the cold bath water until you wrinkle up like a raisin.’

‘Woah, I’m glad we stayed friends.’

Stef cleared her throat, ‘so I was talking to Darius when I dropped him at the airport.’

‘He get going ok?’

‘I haven’t heard, I assume he got the flight. Anyway, he was a bit annoyed, well, maybe annoyed is not a good word, maybe more disapproving of how you and I dealt with things.’ Oh this was going to be happening now, why did the words keep coming out of her mouth?

‘What things?’

‘You know what I’m talking about,’ Stef lowered her voice, hoping she wouldn’t have to hear this conversation.

‘He brings it up sometimes with me.’

‘I understand why he brought it up when he was a kid, hoping his parent’s would fall in love again and get back together, but why is he brining it all up now?’

‘Would it be something to do with him meeting your...boyfriend.’

‘So you heard. I didn’t know he was coming up, if I did I wouldn’t have invited Jared over.’

‘He high tailed it out of there, Darius said.’

‘Kinda.’

She couldn’t see Oscar shaking his head. 

‘You ok?’ 

‘I’m fine, just feel like my head is spinning around after this weekend. I don’t want to have any more arguments, maybe I shouldn’t have brought this up.’

‘What do you want to know?’

The question was on the tip of her tongue, but she didn’t want to ask, did she?

There was silence between them again, she hated this. 

‘Stef?’

‘Nothing, I don’t want to know anything.’

Oscar sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. ‘I don’t think he’s entirely comfortable with you having an affair with a married man, no, don’t interrupt,’ he started, hearing Stef grumble on her end of the line. ‘The only reason is he doesn’t want to see your name dragged through the mud, that’s all. He wants you to be happy. People are dicks, you know that. Neither of us want to see you hurt by the fall out.’

Fall out, yes, that’s what was coming. She could feel it.

 ‘People should mind their own business.’

‘You’d think! But they don’t. They want to tear us to shreds over shit they don’t understand. You love him?’

‘Yeah,’ there, she admitted it.

‘Then fuck everyone else and what they have to say. Just don’t get caught with him or tell anyone whats going on.’

‘That’s conflicting information, Oscar.’

‘Well, that’s how it’s gotta be when you love someone you know you shouldn’t love.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Does that help?’ Oscar was fidgeting, she could hear him.

‘Yep. Thanks.’

‘You don’t sound convinced.’

‘I’m stripping so I can get into the bath.’

‘Effie!!’ His voice, high pitched and exasperated tone made her laugh. 

‘I’m kidding. Not as if you haven’t seen it all anyway.’

‘Yes, but we are not on video call and that’s not fair.’

‘Stop! Anyway, what’s your plan for the day?’

‘Well, I got some nice photos I’m gonna look at while I’m incapacitated.’

‘Which photos?’ Stef dipped her hand into the hot water, perfect temperature, she would be red as a lobster in there.

‘Just some more old photos I found in the loft. Plenty of you and the band. Baby photos. Some of you on the beach.’

Stef gasped, ‘shiiiiiit, I forgot about those. Can you skip past them?’

‘You know, maybe I should, you were only about 17 in them.’

‘No, I was 18. It was my eighteenth birthday.’

‘Huh,’ Oscar decided, ‘well you’re legal in them, bonus.’

‘I’m ending this phone call,’ Stef laughed. ‘Please don’t sell those photos to the press.’

‘Your nudes would make me a rich man, Effie!’

‘Goodbye, Oscar!’

‘Goodbye, love.’ 

Dipping into the water, Stef felt the stress lifting a little. Silence drifted into the space around her, the whorls of scented steam shielding her from the world. 

Her fingers, as they always seemed to do these days, ran down her stomach, stopping when they reached between her legs.

That day at the beach had been sexy as fuck, although she had forgotten about it almost completely. 

Oscar had taken pictures of her, with her permission. They had been joking about in the dunes having left their son with his grandparents. After posing for a few shots, Stef decided to be daring and took off her bikini. There was no one around, why not?

It was only afterwards she realised how many photos Oscar had taken. They had looked back on the once after. It was hot. At least Oscar thought so. That was the only time she had ever allowed anyone to take her photo while she was naked. 

The thoughts of him looking at them now had her fingers dipping inside herself. Her orgasm coming faster than ever before. ‘Goddamn it, Oscar.’ Stef sank lower into the water. 

[irregulardiaryposts]

00:53 21/06/2021

Hello again <3

so i think im gonna write about my mental health today because i dont feel like i have anyone who understands fully apart from myself maybe so i need to Organise my Thoughts. as a kid i had a pretty normal childhood, a mum a dad and a brother - pretty nuclear right. but as a child i felt like my family maybe wasnt quite right, that this wasnt supposed to be what family is? perhaps. - i was scared of my mum a lot because she wasnt very understanding of me - and i was a great kid, never getting into trouble, very good at school, no issues whatsover. the thing that really shows how i thought of my relationship with my mum was when i was like maybe 8 or so having a parents night and at it my teacher had nothing bad to say apart from i was kinda bossy in group settings (im sure i dont need to explain how misogynistic that actually is- i was not bossy i was a natural leader) and when i got home my mum told me off for that and i felt like she was kinda cold to me and not taking all the good things about me into consideration when telling me off for that.

i feel like thats a really defining moment in my life when i realised i cant expect adults to Understand me, realised how people treat young girls, also started my defiant behaviour maybe or was kinda one of the key moments that made me dislike certain authorities in my life, that if people wont understand me regardless of how i explain myself then i wont bother trying to be understood by people who wont matter to me. anyway yes i was scared of my mum-like petrified sometimes- but my dad wasnt great either, he also had his shortcomings. i feel like he never really cared about me like he was kinda apathetic towards raising me like a parent - i feel he would be better suited as an uncle to someone rather than a dad - the funny childish guy that makes kids laugh -not the uncaring dad that cant be bothered to really learn about his kids. and i feel im sitting here complaining about my parents when the fact is that a lot of adults should never be parents, society has conditioned people into thinking the only way to be fulfilled in life is to live vicariously through your kids when life gets to such a boring and monotonous place where you feel the need to create a new life to spice things up lmao. i feel a lot of parents regret having kids but they cannot express that regret because it was their choice and they should deal with that, also saying you regret it would be pretty horrible to the kid.

so while yes i am complaing about my parents i dont think they were Bad in any way just not that great yaknow. also i just notice all these things growing up and i feel its been pretty impactful to understanding myself and my parents. also just some anecdotes from my childhood - i used to watch my dad play video games like the uncharted games i think theyre called, and whenever i got scared i used to hide behind the couch until the scary part was over (usually a lot of guns and high energy fight scenes thats too much adrenaline for a 7 yo) and sometimes when i would take out my dad/brothers game i would get them to fo the hard parts and do other stuff myself - i dont remember many games i played apart from one of the spidermen games where u could just web around the city and not progress apart from sometimes you would come across some strippers and i accidently got into a fight with them (also hot women with umbrellas they use to fight- maybe i went near them on purpose) i would yell to my dad and get him to do it for me. also on new years eve whenever my mum was working and we werent going to any family parties we would make a bunch of food and put it out in the kitchen - wed make like homemade onion rings, chips, have crisps and dips, and a bunch of junk basically and watch like austin powers or some shit and genuinely miss those times they were so simple. but a lot of thats tainted now from what happened. also my brothers always been annoying as shit but when we were kids we couldnt be in the same room without arguing which like whatever thats how kids are esp brothers and sisters for some reason.

i think thats majority of the background needed for the rest. wait this is a little addition but i meant to mention this here so ill put it in- basically sometimes on holidays i would geniunely think my parents hate each other/ were getting a divorce like once when we were in florida in 2012 my dad convinced my mum (as well as me and my brother convinced her since we liked them) we convinced her to go on a water slide thing that u had to walk up the stairs for, it was outdoors, and it was kinda tall and then we got in one of the big donut things and it swooshed from side to side a lot and was generally pretty scary i suppose for someone who doesnt like rides esp since you had to hold on to the handles there were no buckles or anything, and so when we got off the ride my mum was big mad at my dad and like wouldnt talk to him and stuff like that which was pretty uncomfortable to have to be the 8 year old mediator of that but there was also another occasion i think (maybe also at florida) where they were made at each other and i asked my mum if they were getting divorced and all she said was 'ask ur dad' like???? no sort of consolation to this child who thinks their parents hate each other nooo just petty 'ask him' and theres also been other times when they fight/ are mad and they dont feel the need to hide it from us so i felt quite anxious around my parents sometimes.

so ahnyway . yes. when i had just turned 13 my parents split up and it fucked me up in a multitude of ways. also i cant beleive i stopped being a proper kid at 13, like as soon as i turned a teenager life hit me like a fucking truck. so the context as to why they split is still kinda lost to me ngl but they didnt tell me much anyway since i was young but my mum basically said my dad didnt love her anymore and he wanted to separate. its kinda funny because leading up to this my dad had been sleeping in the living room for like a few weeks and there was on and off fighting i could hear and i basically thought they were fighting over me and that i was in trouble and it kinda used to keep me up coz i could hear loud voices when they thought i was asleep- which is probably the cause of why i get veryyyy mad and angry when i hear my mum at like 1 am downstairs when shes drinking and im trying to sleep, probably something ive internalised (is that the word?) and made me respond so strongly to those type of noises.

anywayyyyy yes i thought i was in trouble when they were actually just getting a divorce so ... yeah you can really tell i was young and didnt understand adult issues or really couldnt figure this out myself from all the arguing and him sleeping downstairs lmao. anyway my dad moved out and it was just me my mum and my brother now and at this point my brother wouldve been about to turn 18, so although still kinda shit, not really as affected my it as a 13 yo, just to keep in mind. so i was devastated obviously and my whole world was kinda shattered but i had to hold it together a bit, also i was sometimes my mothers own therapist having to say things like 'everything happens for a reason' 'itll get better' in response to her deteriorating mental health and her questions that would be really hard for me to answer like 'why did he leave' etc (bish im a child be there for me not wallow in ur own pity, u have ur whole life to sort this out youre an adult, im a 13 you and only months away from wanting to kms hun think of ur CHILD please) anyway this left me feeling like a burden if i were to share my mental state because when my mum shared her stuff she was burdening me (AGAIN i was 13 she is an adult) so that made me bottle a lot of things up also the fact that i had no one to share it with because she works as a nurse and now shes a single mother and so she works almost all hours of most days and i dont see her much, my brother was either working at this time or just didnt give enough of a shit about me to make sure i ate.

i went from being catered to for every meal because i didnt know how to cook to suddenly no one being there for me so i had to learn how to do it myself. needless to say that lead to a bunch of unhealthy eating habbits like eating the same things every day - frozen pizza, cheese toasties, i cant think of anything else probs because i didnt make anything else just ate chocolates or didnt eat breakfast coz i woke up at 2pm. just general unhealthyness both in substance and like how healthy that was for my head yk. also this is during the summer btw so it gave me the option to be incredibly depressed - im not saying that as an edgy teen thing to say im being 100% genuine i was very depressed like textbook style - not eating or overeating, not showering/ taking care of myself, extreme lack of energy and hated doing social things coz i had to put on a farce that i was okay meanwhile i couldnt wait to get into my bed and sleep the next day and a half away.

i very vividly remember at the start of the summer holiday my friend asked me if i wanted to go out and do something and i rememeber just crying at that because i had no reason to say no but i just didnt want to and felt like i couldnt do anything and so i lied and said i wasnt feeling well and then put my phone down and curled up in my bed and cried coz i was frustrated and upset and i couldnt really understand what was wrong with me and why i was Like This.

god i didnt take into account how tired i was and how late it is when i started this huh, this isnt even half of it, but i have obligations in the mornign, the last until uni or whatever so ill put this in my drafts and finsih it somethime. alrigtht it is 02:08 btw z_z. also ive just now decided im gonna re organise my tumblr so if this ends up being an actual blog thing i can navigate it easier by adding tags and such. anywau goodnight.

20:21 30/06/2021

MOTHERFOIUHIFIUDVMKCVKM V

MY LAPTOP SHUT DOWE IN THE MIDDLE OF THSAT SO ITS ALL GONE BASICALLY I WAS DEPRESSED BURTNOUT GIFTERD KID AND IT SUCKED YADDa YADDSZ ANYTWAY

so

23:01- well. yes earlier i wrote a little about the ages 13-16 and how they sucked but whatever it got deleted the more pertinent stuff happened in the last year or so anyway.

um yeah so i started the last year of highschool as a 16 year old with a fucked up brain and never having learned any study techniques or work ethic in the slightest. i took 3 uni-level courses only one i actually wanted to do, most people take 2 at most or even 1/0 but do other classes. honestly it fucking sucked this year for school but i scraped all passes so thank god for that. so i started the year quite optimistic, or as much as i could be and in all fairness the content of this year wasnt actually that bad considering i was doing 3 hard classes but corona really truly fucked everything up and by November i had mentally dropped out of my classes but of course i still had to go to them. i feel like im an oddly independent teen because ive never had a solid parental presence in a while, like i had to do a lot for myself and maybe i should thank myself for getting me through it all because i really did pull through.

my thoughts keep drifting from what im writing coz i wanna talk about different things and im just thinking maybe i shouldve just posted the last one then added a reblog when i could be bothered to write and not force myself because if theres ever a reoccurring theme in my life is that if i force myself to do anything i will hate it with my entire being, so maybe i should just do a short synopsis and write about something else afterwards.

so i took 3 hard classes, slowly lost all motivation because in jan it switches to online classes and i could Not deal with those it was horrible, and i became more of a "troublesome student" in one of my classes *cough* maths *cough* and almost got "kicked out" of taking the class just because the teacher was a control freak but like wanted to control all of our actions and behaviour, also i think i may have adhd and another kid in my class i think he does too and surprise surprise the teacher "dislikes" him too but its only a farce because he doesnt actually dislike him its only so that i cant call him out for singling me out when other students behave "badly" too. but anyways maybe ill come back to this in a while when i can be arsed explaining my complicated relationship with my parents.

the only reason i wanted to write this today was so that i could tag the post with like june 2021 or something and not june/july, but i might make another post later, Anyway happy end of pride month i supose, hope u figure it out me!

[namikala]

State of the Toto

Took Toto for vaccinations. She'd never been vaccinated or been to the vet before. She's home now and hiding coz she's mad at me... ^^;;

Anyway, being a very timid cat who has some trust issues, she hissed at the vet in the beginning and wheezed a bit (which she seems to do whenever she feels stressed), so the vet wrapped her in a fluffy blanket while she gave her a check up and her injection. Toto was so comfortable under that blanket that she started falling asleep! XD

Anyway, asked about why Toto always sticks her tongue out and vet says she has a bit of gingivitis and her bottom teeth are quite bad... so that might be why her tongue always pokes out. She said we'll have to brush her teeth, but seeing how Toto doesn't fully trust us yet, that might not be feasible, so instead she gave us this all-natural additive for the cats' drinking water that's supposed to be able to clean their teeth to try for now.

Toto is also a bit skinnier than the vet would like, so going to give her some of that high nutrient food we gave Rosie before and see if it helps. Also gave us some deworming meds coz Toto has never been dewormed. We've only given her flea drips before.

Anyway, Toto also seems to have a skin condition as there are these tiny bald patches on her front legs and I've noticed that she's been licking her paws a lot lately till they're all wet... However, vet says the patches seem to be healing on their own, so going to wait till next month when we take Toto in for her second shot (there are three in total) to see if need meds for that.

Thank goodness Zach is big, strong and healthy boy. He's so healthy that the vet said he didn't need his third vaccination shot right now and could wait till next year! *knocks on wood*

[imaginemedreamingstuff]

You’re My Wonderwall || D. H.

A/N: I got inspired to write this during my trip to France! it’s a little bit weird..I don’t know if i’m entirely happy with it... 

Word Count: 1.6K

POV: Reader

MASTERLIST // PART TWO

The smell of salt hung in the air and it was still lingering on my skin. The window right next to me was opened as wide as possible and wind played with the light fabric of the curtain.

It wasn’t pitch black in the room, the moon adorned the night sky and some street lamps were still on. I could hear the distant sound of waves and water that wildly hit the shore.

Me and my friends had just agreed that it was time to turn off the lights and sleep after we had talked for at least an hour.

“We need to get up early tomorrow, if we want to take the first train to Cannes.” Frankie reminded us, set an alarm clock and closed her eyes.

She was right. I wasn’t a morning person at all, but some things are just worth getting up early for. I could have talked for at least another hour but I needed as much sleep as I could get if I didn’t want to look and feel like a zombie tomorrow morning.  

“Goodnight girls” I whispered as I slipped under my “blanket” that consisted of the bedsheet only. It was just way too hot for a normal duvet but I couldn’t sleep without some sort of blanket either.

“Goodnight, Y/N” my two friends answered.

We stayed completely silent after that and everyone had found a comfortable position to sleep in.

I was sharing a room with Frankie and Liane two of my best friends while the other three girls of our clique shared the room next to us. Summer had just started and we had decided to go on a little adventure. Our destination was France to be exact. We had booked six plane tickets and a little apartment in a French town right beside the sea.

One week full of swimming in the ocean, going out for dinner in cute little bistros and exploring new cities, that was the plan. Falling in love wasn’t. I guess one can’t plan everything.

My head was resting on the soft pillow, my body felt tired. It wasn’t a bad tired it was a good kind of tired. It was a ‘I did a lot of interesting things today’ kind of tired. I immediately knew it wouldn’t take me long to fall asleep.

Tomorrow my friends and I were going to explore the famous city Cannes, the one where the glamorous film festivals are held each year. I was excited already.

I glanced at my friends one last time before I finally closed my eyes, hoping I would fall asleep in an instant. What did I say about things not going according to plan again?

The apartment we rented for the week was great and right in the middle of the old town. We were surrounded by restaurants and there was a lovely market right in front of our door and the beach was less than 5 minutes away. The only problem was, we were right in the city centre and there was a bar directly underneath us.

So, while we were trying to sleep we were constantly surrounded by a lot of different noises: Cars, motor cycles, people chatting or laughing, the annoying sound that seagulls make and of course drunk bar visitors.

Believe me when I say that it was way too hot to sleep with the window closed. It was impossible. We were kind of susceptible to the noises. Normally I wouldn’t mind, but it was just unbearably loud today, even louder than the nights before.

I tried my best to ignore it, knowing that I had to get up early tomorrow. But the harder I tried to sleep the more difficult it got.

I heard Liane sigh as another car passed by and somebody seemed to crash a bottle made out of glass soon after.

Then I heard a lot of loud voices, some people were having a conversation right underneath our window. It wasn’t French, it was English. I could clearly hear a guy, he spoke with a posh but mellifluous British accent. Since he slurred his words I could tell that he was drunk.

They were talking so enormously loud that I could follow their entire conversation, I could hear every single word. Although I tried to ignore it and just sleep, I couldn’t.

I felt myself get annoyed and mad. Couldn’t they just stop?! I mean, some people need their sleep for god’s sake.

My hands turned into fists underneath my blanket, with every shout or word I got angrier. I was absolutely pissed. I rolled my eyes as they suddenly erupted into loud laughter.

“La Ferme!”

My French wasn’t perfect but I was sure that this translated to ‘Shut Up’. An old French lady that lived in the apartment above us had opened her window to scold the Brits who had a few too many drinks in the bar.

‘You go Granny!’ I cheered in my head.

But to my dismay, they didn’t stop and didn’t care that they kept the entire building awake.

The clock read 2am, I had to be on my feet in exactly 5 hours.

Just as I had given up and decided that it couldn’t get any worse, posh guy, the one that sounded like Winnie Pooh, started full on singing.

“And all the lights that lead us there are blinding There are many things that I would like to say to you But I don't know how”

I had the sudden urge to smash my head against the pillow repeatedly, was he being serious?!

“COZ MAYBE You're gonna be the one that saves me And after all You're my wonderwall”

Okay that was enough! I jumped out of the bed and stormed out of the room. My friends jolted up in their beds and stared at me in confusion, but I didn’t care.

God, I hated posh guy so much at this moment. I was a ticking time bomb and about to explode.

I put on the first pair of shoes that I could find and opened the front door. I was wearing nothing but my pjs as I trotted towards those rude Brits who literally stood underneath our window.

“I SAID MAYBE

YOU’RE GONNA BE THE ONE THAT SAVES ME”

Posh guy wasn’t singing anymore, he was screaming on top of his lungs. Oh I was so gonna shut him up...

He had his back turned towards me and no one had noticed my arrival. I could tell that he was freakishly tall and probably a little bit older than me. I was too pissed to be shy or intimidated.

I tapped his shoulder to get his attention. He jumped in the air at my sudden touch, I had obviously scared him. The tall guy immediately turned around in surprise and shock.

As he saw me the scared look on his face instantly faded. He put his huge hands over his broad chest. His heart was racing because I had jumpscared him, but why was my heart suddenly beating rapidly fast?

I glanced up at him and took in his features.

The stranger had warm brown eyes and pale soft skin. His mouth turned into a smile as he eyed me up and down. He didn’t only have a few freckles, he also had two cute dimples. How perfect can one be?

I was supposed to shout profanities at this guy but I couldn’t help but be intrigued by him.

For a few seconds, we just stared at each other, unable to say something. We were both taken aback by one another. I never believed in love at first sight but this is what I imagine it to feel like. 

“You are not a very good singer.” Was all I could blurt out. No hello, nothing.

He may be cute but I was still mad at him.

“Did I really sound that bad?” the guy laughed and blushed a little bit.

He was wearing shorts and a short button up shirt. Some of his friends accompanied him but I didn’t really pay attention to them. He didn’t either, his eyes were glued onto me.

“The song was good, the singing not so much.” I explained and although I wanted to look pissed a little smile crept onto my face.

“Maybe you just didn’t like my personal interpretation. I’m Dan by the way.” The tall guy winked and introduced himself.

“I definitely prefer the original. And I’m Y/N.”

“So.. Y/N why do I deserve your presence?” Dan asked he was obviously still a little bit drunk.

As a warm wind played with the hem of my nightgown, Dan bit his pink bottom lip.  

“My bed is right there. Behind this window.” I pointed to the window behind us. “And your so-called singing kept me and my friends awake for more than an hour.” I explained sharply.

“Shit. I’m really sorry.”

Dan’s apology seemed genuine and he even seemed a little bit embarrassed as he awkwardly scratched the back of his head.

“Why is a pretty and young girl like you in bed already, anyway?” Dan slurred cheekily and I could tell that he wouldn’t have been brave enough to say this if he were sober.

It was my time to blush now. He was definitely flirting with me.

“My friends and I are gonna go to Cannes tomorrow morning.” I told Dan. He nodded to signal that he understood and looked even more sorry now.

There was a little twinkle in Dan’s brown eyes.

“And what are you doing after you have explored Cannes?” he wanted to know and I could already tell where this was going and damn did I like it.

“I will probably sleep for the next three days since you kept me awake. Unless you have other plans?”

“Why don’t you meet me at this spot tomorrow at around 6pm? I do have a plan and I promise it won’t involve me singing.”

[surveysonfleek]

328.

A! Do you drink Alcohol frequently? nah. maybe a couple times a month. What Age are you? 26. Do you like Apples? yeah even though i hardly eat them. Do you believe in Aliens? i believe there’s more life out there i guess. Who is your favourite Actor/Actress? i don’t really have one.

B! Do you like The Fresh Prince of Bel Air? yes.

Were you ever scared about getting Bats stuck in your hair? um no? can they get stuck? Are you always the Banker when you play Monopoly? nah. i like being banker though. Do you like going to the Beach? sometimes. Who do you think is the most Beautiful person in the world? rihanna. C! Do you like Cats? no. Are you Charismatic? not really lol. Do you like laying down to look at the Clouds? haven’t done it in years. Are you a pro at Checkers? no. Has someone ever called you Cheap? yeah probably. D! Are you more of a Dog person? definitely. Do you like Disney films? yes! Do you still Decorate the house for holidays? my mum does. Do you have a Dressing gown? no. Do you think Dinosaurs are awesome? they’re cool. E! Have you ever ran up the down Escalator? Or ran down the up one? yeah, as a kid. only on the ramp ones. What did you Eat last? pumpkin. What’s the most Expensive gift you’ve ever received? a car. How do you like your Eggs? scrambled. Have you ever been so angry you thought you might Explode? nah. F! Would you ever want to be Famous? no. i wanted to be a celebrity when i was a kid. luckily didn’t happen. Do you think you’re Funny? hell yeah. Are Flashing lights fun? they’re okay... When was the last time you Flew in a plane? in april. Has a Folding chair ever un-folded and squished you while you were on it? nope. G! Did you ever wear Glasses, even though you didn`t need them? as a kid i wished and wished for glasses, so much so that i even lied during my eye tests. optometrist caught onto my bs. now i wear glasses and it sucks. Have you ever eaten Glue? not eaten but i’ve licked it. Do you Give to charity? yeah but i had to cancel coz it was too expensive and i couldn’t lower it.

Do you think Goats are cute? kinda. H! When was the last time you High-fived someone? i forgot. Do you dye your Hair? not in forever.

Are you Happy with your life? yeah but it could be better. When was the last time someone physically Hurt you? idk. Do you always wear a Helmet when you go cycling? i never go cycling anymore. the last time i did i didn’t wear a helmet though. I! What’s your favourite flavour of Ice-cream? cookie dough. Could you ever live in an Igloo? hmm probably not. Do you know what an Icoceles triangle is? yes. What’s the most incredible thing you’ve ever seen? i love observation decks and seeing the view of different cities day or night. Do Insects freak you out? yes. J! When was the last time you completed a Jigsaw? ages ago. like a simple one. my sister and i bought a 500 piece and got over it. Do you like Jam? not really. Tell me a Joke! meh.

Are you Jealous of anyone? no.

K! Who was the last person you Kissed? my boyfriend. Do you have a nice Kitchen? it’s small but decent. Do you like Kiwi fruit? no. Do you find Knock-Knock jokes hilarious? no omg, who does other than children? Do you tend to Keep a bunch of stuff you really don’t need? yeah. L! Do you think walking under a Ladder is bad luck? nah. Have you ever been inside a Limo? nope. Do you really hate Losing? i don’t hate it, but i’d rather win. Do you like playing with Legos? as a kid. Do you think you have a cool Laugh? omg no lol. M! Did you collect Marbles as a kid? yes. Do you look in the Mirror a lot? when there’s one around, why not. Do you have a Moustache? no. Could you live without Music? probably not. Do you like going to Museums? yes, i love them. N! What’s your Name? d. Do you like your Neighbours? they’re all cool, we all keep to ourselves thankfully. Do you watch the News? not really. What`s your favourite Number? 7. O! Do Opposites really attract? yes and no. it’s all about chemistry. Would you hate working in an Office? i probably would. Are you Open-minded? yes. Do you think Olives are gross? yes, i hate them. it’s the one food i’ll never learn to love. P! When was the last time you made Pancakes? months ago. Are you wearing Pajamas? yes. Have you ever been to Paris? yes. Can you play the Piano? nah. Do you Pull the door that says Push or Push the door that says Pull often? hardly. Q! Are you a Quiet person? not really. Do you ask too many Questions when you first meet someone? nah. Are you a Quick learner? i’d like to think so. Did you know that Mythbusters proved that a Quack can echo? yeah i’ve heard that. Do you know anyone called Quentin? no. R! Do you smile everytime you see a Rainbow? i guess, or i’ll always point it out. Do you listen to the Radio all the time? in the car, yeah. Can you Roller-blade? i haven’t done it in year, but i probably can. Do you take a Rubber-duck in the bath with you? no. Can you Run fast? no. S! What makes you Scared? weird noises. Don’t you think Sellotape is cool? no. Do you get Sick a lot? no, i probably only get the flu once a year. Do you still own a Slinky? no. T! Did you like Thomas the Tank Engine when you were a kid? hmm not my fave but if it was on i’d watch it anyway. When was the last time you were in a Taxi? maybe a month ago. Are you Thirsty? no. Do you always remember to say Thank-you? yes. Do you take care of your Teeth? not enough tbh. U! Do you own an Umbrella? yes. Do you live Underneath anyone? no. Do you think hanging Upside-down is fun? haha yeah it used to be fun on monkey bars. Have you ever put water in a rubber-glove and pretended they were Udders? yes. Do you think you are Ugly? sometimes. V! Do you live in a Village? no. Do you have a cool Voice? no lol. What’s your Vice? smoking. Do you still own any old Video’s? yes. Do you think you could survive in the Victorian era? yeah of course, if that’s all i knew. i wouldn’t be able to since experiencing how i live now. W! Are you too Warm right now? no. Do you like Weetabix? no i hate them. Do you wear a Watch everyday? no, ever since my apple watch broke i don’t wear any. Are you cautious about your Weight? yes. Do you get Worried a lot? yes. X! Do you like to play the Xylophone? yes. Did you ever watch Xena: Warrior Princess? yes. Have you ever been X-Rayed? yes. Are you Xenophobic? idk what the fear is. Did you know that X is 10 in Roman Numerals? yes. Y! Do you like Yogurt? yeah but i never eat it. Was Yesterday better than today? yes. Do you like the colour Yellow? it’s okay. How are You? good. Do you Yell a lot? in a loud environment, yeah. Z! Do you think a horse painted to look like a Zebra is cool? i guess. Do you know your Zodiac sign? sagittarius. Do you take Zinc? no. Did you know that Steve Irwin said to run in Zigzags to escape a Croc? yes. 

[imyourliquor-youremypoison]

Great Minds Think Alike (Riverdale - Jughead x OC) Part 7

Pairing : Jughead x OC

Synopsis : A new girl arrives in town around the time of Jason Blossom’s accident. That alone makes her suspicious and unlikeable to most people. Jughead has every reason to investigate on her, the timing is too perfect, right? And it has nothing to do with the young girl’s odd yet charming way of always seeming to find her way back to him, no matter the situation.  

Word Count : 2.7k

MASTERLIST

Part 6 <<< >>> Part 8

“Okay-“ Iris trailed off, stretching the last syllable while squinting her eyes at Jughead. This wasn’t exactly what she expected when she came here. It was the opposite of what she expected honestly. “Now would be a good time to tell me how you know that information about me that I told absolutely no one,” she ended up saying.

“I hacked into your computer and stole all confidential data it contained,” Jughead said. His tone was sarcastic enough to leave no doubt about the fact that he didn’t, in fact, hack into her laptop. “No dummy, I saw it one your ID when you forgot it at Pop’s, remember?” He chuckled, enjoying Iris’ frown of confusion.

This incident had completely slipped her mind and she was stunned that he remember the date of her birthday even though at the time he found her ID they were barely acquaintances and nowhere near being friends yet.

“You don’t call people dummies on their birthday,” she simply said, crossing her arms on her chest. A stern yet playful spark illuminated her eyes as she gave Jughead a pointed look. “But thank you. For remembering, and for the ice cream. Care to share?”

“I wasn’t going to let you eat that all alone anyway,” he scoffed, faking to be offended that she even considered this possibility. “Make your damn wish so we can dig in.”

Iris’ gaze softened and a coy smile stretched her lips. Jughead identified the look on her face as a mix of sadness and fondness, and he couldn’t quite comprehend why these two emotions surfaced now. What did he say?

“I don’t believe in candle wishes, Jug,” she told him in a hushed tone. She sounded like someone who had been hugely disappointed in the past regarding wishes. “If I really want something, I go get it, I don’t wish on a star or a candle or because it’s 11:11,” she explained before blowing out the candle.

“On this joyful note, I suggest we eat,” Jughead said to change the subject.

“Yeah, sorry about my mood it’s been a long night,” Iris said with emphasis on the ‘long’. They both grabbed their spoons and started eating the mountain of ice cream in front of them. “I’ll fill you in later.”

“Later?” Jughead asked. “What do you wanna do later, I thought this was ‘later’?”

“No way I’m finishing the night sober,” Iris declared. “We take my car, go somewhere else and I’m not letting you leave before we finish my entire emergency pack of beer,” she said without leaving him a choice.

“Should I be worried that you have an emergency pack of beer in your car?”

“It does come in handy,” she nodded her head thoughtfully.

“Hey,” Jughead said to get her attention, his spoon still in his mouth. He played with it before sticking it out and taking a bit more of the chocolate chip ice cream. “I have to say- your outfit is on point tonight.” He chuckled when he saw the outrage on Iris’ face.

“Oh my god, shut up!”

*

As promised, Iris and Jughead went on their night drive the second they finished Iris’ monstrous birthday ice cream. She drove them but Jughead decided of the destination. Since she intended to get hammered and won’t be able to drive them back, they shouldn’t get out of town. In the end they settled for the Twilight since it was closed and Jughead had the keys – they could have their very own private projection and sit in the back of the pick-up.

They decided to watch Pulp Fiction but in the end they didn’t pay much attention to the movie and simply sat in the car, happily buzzed after a couple beers each. At some point Iris must have decided she was drunk and high enough to tell him tonight’s events.

“Betty spent the whole dance trying to subtly drop hints to Archie - who was too busy drooling over Veronica to realize his best friend is in love with him. Meanwhile Veronica clearly has a crush on sweet Betty and is trying really hard not to stomp on Archie's foot for being the lucky oblivious guy he is and I somehow ended up stuck in the middle of this infernal love triangle,” Iris explained as best she could without taking a breath and with grand hand gestures.

Jughead merely sat there, jaw hanging slightly open, eyes wide, listening intently to every word.

“I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but this thing switches off my brain to mouth filter-” she once again brought the joint to her lips. “-and I haven't known your friends long enough to feel guilty about spilling out some juicy info.”

“Everything you just said is wrong,” Jughead scoffed. “I don't know Veronica, I don't speak to Archie anymore and Betty I just know because she's lived here her whole life. And my classmates' romantic interests hardly classify as juicy info.”

“You're too hard on everyone, you know? That includes yourself. I'm sure if I asked Betty she'd say you're her friend, no second thought.”

“Yeah coz she's nice to everyone!” Jug's voice showed signs of annoyance now. “If I'm too cynical for you why don't you go back to the party and hang out with Mrs & Mrs Perfect?”

“I'm not interested in befriending people who are friends with just anyone. And in case I'm still being too subtle about it: I mean that I'd rather spend my time bickering back and forth with you than to hear one more conversation about Archie and his abs.”

“Is that really what girls talk about during their no boys allowed conversations? It's quite disappointing, I was hoping for something more thrilling, less predictable.”

“If it was up to me we wouldn't talk about any of Archie's body parts,” Iris said in a laugh which made her snort faintly, consequently stopping the laughter.

“Good to now,” Jughead simply commented. Clearly he was done talking about this. “Am I high or is there no sound to this movie?” He asked Iris, pointing at the giant screen.

“Yes to both, the sound's been off for ten minutes now,” she told him and started giggling for no apparent reason. “And I'm high too!”

“High enough to spill out all the shit you think of the people you've met so far,” Jughead pointed out. It made her feel bad all of a sudden, like he just flipped a switch inside her and her mood drastically changed. “Never thought you were one of those people.”

“I'm not! I'm trying not to be... anymore,” Iris protested, handing the joint over to Jughead. He distractedly took it but didn't bring it to his lips. “I didn't sign up for this shit,” Iris breathed out almost inaudibly but Jughead caught it.

She was referring to the beginning of drama that sparked tonight. Jughead let out a humorous chuckle before taking the joint from her hand.

“That's not how it works. If you want friends you've got to take it all, the good, the bad, the worse. You don't get to pick.”

“Please don't tell me you get all philosophical and deep when you're high,” she groaned.

“I wouldn't know, I've never smoked before tonight, not even a cigarette,” he chuckled.

Iris sat up straight and quickly retrieved the joint from between Jughead's lips right before he could take another drag, only to throw it away.

“What?” She squeaked out. “You should have told me! How many drags did you take?”

“I don't know? Two?”

“Ah,” she let out a relieved sigh. “How long in between?”

“How am I supposed to know that?” He grumbled – he played grumpy now that he took away his source of amusement. “Five, maybe ten minutes?”

“Good, when it's your first time you should wait a good ten minutes between each drag or you'll end up throwing up your guts.”

“Lovely.”

“Hey!” She said in excitement, already clutching his arm.

“I have no idea what you're about to say but I know I won't like it,” Jughead mumbled, letting himself drop against the car again.

“You Jughead Jones are the biggest buzz-kill I have ever met in my life!” She laughed. He scoffed but his lips were twisted in an amused half smile. “Okay, no drinking anymore for me tonight or I'll never be able to walk through the woods.”

“The woods? You want to go take a midnight walk in the forest while there's an abductor – and potential killer – on the loose?” Jughead asked her, dumbfounded. “No weed for you anymore either.”

“I already threw it away anyway,” Iris said. “And yes, I want to go to the river. It's my birthday you can't refuse me anything!”

“It's half past midnight, your birthday's been over for thirty minutes now,” he deadpanned but Iris didn't laugh. “Yeah, yeah whatever you want. We'll go to the river, but don't tell me I'm a buzz-kill anymore!”

She smiled and gently bumped hr shoulder against his.

“It's a terrible idea by the way. We're probably going to die painfully and slowly,” he declared dramatically.

“At least we'll end with a bang, not a whimper,” Iris giggled as she slid off the car and onto the floor. She tested her balance and seemed to be doing fine.

“T.S.Eliot probably does a back flip in his grave every time someone uses this quote incorrectly.”

“I know it's not the right quote, but in this situation I needed it to be this way around.”

She gestured him to follow her and once Jughead stood next to her, she looped her hand around his elbow and together they began to walk towards the edge of the forest. Neither of them knew how to get to Sweetwater river from the drive-in. They walked in a comfortable silence and followed the sound of the water hitting the rocks.

Iris' impractical dress sometimes got caught in bushes and stray branches – she tried to handle it with care since it was Veronica's, but it might already be too late. Same goes for her shoes which were slightly more brown than white at this point. She was a bit cold too but that wasn't a problem, Iris' excitement kept her warm.

“What's with your obsession with this river?” Jughead asked.

“I had never been to a river before. I'm a city girl remember? When I opened the window I heard car honks, not birds chirping.”

“You know most people living in small towns would sell their souls to leave this place and go to a big city, right?” Jughead said.

Iris stopped walking to answer him while looking him in the eyes.

“I'd gladly trade places with them. Moving here was difficult of course, I had friends, I had habits, a favorite coffee shop and a spot in the park  where I liked to sit and do homework during sunny days – but everything was artificial. I was artificial. I like myself better since I've moved here. And I love watching the river and listening to the water running.”

“In the middle of the night?”

“Yes. I've never been at this time of day. Come now.” She grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the path. “I think we're almost there.”

“There where?”

“Shh,” she hushed him. “For once in your life, stop talking. Even when you were all broody at our booth when we first met you couldn't keep your mouth shut.”

“Touché,” he said and clasped his free hand over his heart.

He realized they were now walking along the bank of the river and although he wasn't going to admit it, it was a very nice spot at night. There was something slightly off though, Jughead couldn't quite place his finger on it. The feeling didn't go away during the follow ten minutes of silence it took them to reach a place he finally recognized.

“Are you crazy?” Jughead asked in a whisper. He didn't know why he whispered but it felt wrong to talk out loud. He had pulled on Iris' hand to make her stop walking and she practically fell backwards but he caught her. “We shouldn't be here!”

She had brought them to the bullet tree. They had already been questioned once for hanging out there and Sheriff Keller grilled them and gave them his scolding paternal stare for being on a crime scene late at night. And that was the first time.

“It's a good spot and I've been here again since I found the bullet. They took it, now there's only a hole in the tree,” she told him along with a sad wince. “I promise there's no risk of being caught here.”

“You're a little bit intense you know? And that's coming from me,” Jughead told her, still not letting her go.

Iris placed her other hand over Jughead's and smiled softly, in a way that made it hard to believe she wasn't sober. For a brief second, Jughead thought she might have acted drunk before and actually wasn't.

“Never change anything,” he added with a grin. Iris smiled bigger and when his grip on her loosened she led them to their bullet tree. “I don't know who you were before coming to Riverdale but I like this version of you, so- I'm sure you changed for the better.”

“You like it?” She asked.

Iris said 'it' but they both heard 'me'. He didn't answer but his expression seemed to be eloquent enough. They didn't know why but they suddenly became hyper aware of the fact that they were still holding hands. Iris was the first to let go when the tension became unbearable. She turned around and made her way through the bushes and to the flat rocks next to the tree where she wanted to sit. The torrent was stronger here and louder.

Jughead was taken aback – he usually wasn't the one who craved contact, which made it all the more surprising that Iris pulled away. He sat down close enough to her that they arms and legs were touching. Iris didn't seem to mind and even leaned a bit against him, but this coziness was of limited duration. The warmth they found in each other was swept away by the scream that pierced the silence and made them jerk away from each other and jump to their feet.

“What the hell?” Iris cursed.

“We have to get away from here!” Jughead said, grabbing Iris' arm and pulling it.

“What?! No! What if someone's being attacked!”

“We'll call the cops, but we can't stay here! We don't know what's going on,” he insisted. If he were alone he would have gone but Iris and her tendency to dive head first in dangerous situations made him feel like it was his responsibility to keep her safe. Which was insane.

“No, Jughead!” Iris ripped her arm out of his grasp. “I'm going.”

“Okay, okay, I'll come with you. But we don't do anything stupid,” he warned her. “I'm going to regret this.”

Iris and Jughead silently ran through the woods, trying to find the source of the scream that made their hairs stand on end. Suddenly, she felt herself being pulled back again and Iris' back knocked against Jughead's chest. Just when she was about to ask what was going on he put his hand over her mouth.

“Don't say anything,” he whispered. “Look, down there.”

He carefully withdrew his hand from her mouth when he was sure she would stay quiet and she leaned over to see what he was talking about. She had to bite on her hand to muffle a scream and Jughead pulled her once again to his chest to keep her out of sight.

Down by the river, a few meters away from them, there was Kevin and Moose, shirtless on the ground and right in front of them, the visibly dead body of a young ginger man – whom Iris identified as Jason Blossom.

A/N: Do you realize that it's already chapter 7 and we only just reached the end of episode 1 in GMTA's timeline??? Rest assured that I won't follow everything of the Riverdale plot, there will be no Polly, this will strictly revolve around Jughead and Iris. But I needed to place them in context, and as you can see “placing in context” in my language means “writing a little less then 20k worth of 'introduction'.”

Taglist: @bathshebaa  @deanackles67 @myteenwolf-world @mumblr-of-tumbir @devilishcloe @bettysreid @angelicawastaken @rebellioncass @adorableninja @scattered-glances @ri-verdale @ice-wolfie @bubblegumcat229 @murderyoursoul @morixeddu @emptyporsche @lucifer-the-cuddler @challenge-accep-ted @scattered-glances @fantiomaticsupertolkienlover

[scottyunfamous]

The Importance of Self-Care

Hellur, fancy face!

Welcome to another highly inappropriate weight loss journey post. It may interest you to know that I’ve recently (as in like 5 hours ago) embarked on a lil experiment with a 14 day teatox created by BooTea. It was recommended to me by one of my girls who has lost maddddddd weight (like MAAAADDDDD weight), so I thought ‘Shit den, lemme see what it’s really saying.’ I’ll be doing live updates on my Snapchat and will deliver a full honest review in 2 weeks’ time on your fave new blog (…yes, I mean this blog lol).

Onto what we’re actually talking about today…

When I began my weight loss journey again I had an idea of what to expect; the resisting of temptation to consume things I shouldn't to improve my diet, the physical challenges I would have to overcome to improve my fitness, the discipline to keep at it, and creating the mind-set to help me grow mentally and emotionally on this sometimes very fucking emotional experience.

When we take on these trying ass journeys, it's never a flippin straight road or uphill climb. Nope -the shit goes up, down, left, right…generally any direction you don’t want it to. When it comes to our body’s reactions, there's only so much about it that we can control. Ideally, everytime we eat a piece of salad, drink a glass of water, or do anything that resembles some semblance of exercise (walking to the fridge counts as cardio. Don’t @ me.) we want to see that we are 15 pounds lighter when we step on them scales, but that's not how the shit works.

When you first jump on this weight loss ting and you change yo shit up, your body is on a mad one. Weight loss is you and you are weight loss...then your body gets used to your new diet and routine, which means you've got to push a little more. It's a constant challenge, especially when you aren't blessed with a fast metabolism.

If you’re like me, the constant (self-imposed) pressure to go harder may be a lot for you to deal with mentally, especially when shit isn't going to plan.

Last week I had my cheat day. The following day, Mr took me to a hotel. I got high as fuck, and for those of you who enjoy God's magic flower, you already know how them munchies will have you fucking up a plate of food like it’s your last meal. I ordered too much then ate too much... I should probably stop smoking… Anyway, the following afternoon I stood on the scales to see that I'd gained 3 kilos.

I.

Was.

Up.

Set.

I stripped off and stood on the scales again: 2.5 kg.

I went to the bathroom: 2 kg.

Embarking on these journeys then putting on a significant amount of weight in the process is the worst. You feel like a failure, like you didn't try as hard as you should have, that maybe cheat days aren't for you. As you shrink it’s like you get even harder on yourself because you can’t come this far then go backwards. That’s not progress. Honestly, it doesn't get easier, you just have to get tougher, but tough doesn’t always equal…well, tough.

The thing that has carried a heaux throughout this last year has been making sure that I fucks with myself, heavily, like on a whole other level of extravaganza. Self-care is one of the most valuable remedies I’ve learned through this process, simply because it pushes me to continue without berating myself and gives me a stress-free way to pick myself back up when I’m down.

Do shit that makes you feel good about your fuckin self, betch. It’s okay to take a lil break and switch off for a hot sec to get your head right. It’s vital.

Here’s a few self-care activities that I love that you can try out/incorporate into your own self-care routines for those dayswhen things don’t go to plan.

When I feel like shit I listen to music with high vibrations, the kinda music that makes me feel like a cheeri-heaux (get it? Cheerio...cheri-he...anyway). I sing along at ig’nant volumes and dance in the mirror to it like it’s just me, by myself, and bitch when I say dance in the mirror I’m talking that carefree black girl 'wow wow wow thots' shit that you may not do in public because it’s that peak (in my case, extremely whorish or neeky). Listen, I do not fuck about when it's music time. Lemme get sad and fling on some Cheetah Girls (DON’T PLAY LIKE YOU DON’T FUCK WITH THE CHEETAH GIRLS PLEASE); a heaux will be strutting like she means it and freeing my uckin mind all up and down my room, doing dramatic hair flips with my wig and not caring if it flies off coz ain’t nobody but me there to see it. I’ll be doing big big international diva in my bedroom, singing all the harmonies and adlibs by my damn self all at the same time, because I am a one-bitch-band. Issa wave.

D’you know what else is a vibe, low key -herbal tea. You will drink a cup of peppermint tea and feel like your soul has been cleansed and refreshed, bitch!

Next: baths, and not just any regular bitch bath, nope. Heaux I‘m talking that ‘I done used half the fucking bottle of bubble bath, this water is so hot it will probably burn my skin so I’mma have to ease into it, there are candles all over the place like say I‘m being romanced but really I am romancing my damn self, I got that Sade on in the background and a fire ass book to read, so I will sit in this shit till my skin is wrinkled and the water turns cold, then I’mma top it up with more hot water because bitch, I aint done yet!’ kind of baths. Hooker, it is imperative that you go all out for these self-care baths. Stay in there for 5 hours. Enjoy yo’self!

Personal grooming is also my shit.

Ain’t no better feeling in the world that when you have removed all of the hair from your body. You feel like a vivacious velvet vixen, just be rubbing your thighs together for fun because the shit is smooth.

We doing the whole fuckin’ face regimen tonight, heaux! I’mma exfoliate, lather it in some weird shit that promises to tighten my pores, put some cumbers on my eyes and lay back because I’m bougie and tonight, life is a spa, rinse it off, use my face wash, get that micellar water, clear these pores, get that toner, then bitch I will slap on the thickest layer of Astral you have seen in your life (this tip came from Muva Amber Rose), and just sit there and let the shit marinate.

Wash your hair. Use all the products, deep condition yo shit, massage yo fuckin scalp! Yes betch, you smell like a coconut summer breeze and it’s wonderful!

Do your nails, do your makeup, because sometimes the shit that will bring you back from the edge is remembering how truly tun up you are, and realising that you’re on this journey and this ain’t even your final form. THESE SKREETZ AIN’T READY FOR YOU WHEN YOU REACH YOUR GOAL BITCH, HOW ARE YOU SO FIRE NOW AND THERE’S MORE FLYNESS TO COME. FUCK OFF. YOU ARE TOO MUCH!

Clear your space. Fling on some good music and tidy your room, change the sheets, dust, polish, sweep and reorganise some shit, then light you some incense and relax. This is heaven.

This is another good one; get your thoughts out. When I’m too wound up I write out exactly how the fuck I feel, completely unfiltered ‘cause ain’t nobody reading the shit but me. By the end of it I’ve talked myself down of whatever ledge I’m on, I’ve found a resolution to my problem and my peace is back where it should be.

Go outside. I’m not telling you to go hug no trees or nothing, but it’s summer, there is a park somewhere, just go there by yourself and just be amongst nature. Sometimes being surrounded by plants and animals and shit reminds you how small and magical you really are in the grand scheme of things, that whatever you’re worrying about may not be as deep as you think, and that you will get through it, because bitch, you've gotten over all the other shit in your life and you’re still here, getting these haters mad and thriving.

Take a nap. You remember when you were younger and it was nap time and you just were not on it, these days, as busy as we all are, naps are luxury. Literally, when I get too overwhelmed, it’s nap time. Shut off the world and dream a little dream of no stress. By the time I wake up, I’m good.

However, if you don’t have time to nap, I strongly recommend meditation. For those of you who follow me on Snapchat, you’ll know that I’ve hopped back on my spiritual journey and that my life is on the up because it helps to keep me focused and centred. Being that I fell off for a while, it’s not always easy to meditate without getting distracted, so for those of you who this is new to or if like me you have a little trouble clearing your mind, here is some great meditation music. Literally, all you have to do is set a timer for 10 minutes and concentrate on your breathing and nothing else (saying ‘so’ when you breathe in and ‘hum’ when you breathe out in your head or out loud also helps –recommended by Deepak Chopra). When your time is up you feel a little calmer and clearer.

Go to the gym. Yes, I know, it’s horrible and it makes you get hot, tired and sweaty and there is no dick involved, but girl, working out is scientifically proven to improve your mood because of the endorphins that it releases (endorphins are the chemicals that make you happy).

Understand that you are the captain of your yacht (I know the saying is ship, but I think yacht sounds more bougie and extra, so well go with that), and part of being the captain of your yacht mean that you are in control of yourself at every given moment, even when you don’t think you are. If shit goes left you can either choose to be upset about it and let circumstance control you or you can control your circumstance by choosing to find a lesson in every bad situation. Every negative experience you have can teach you something, if you let it.

It’s all about perspective, heaux. Look at where you went wrong and decide how you’re gonna handle it should it pop up on you again.

This is my best tip so I saved it till last -yell nice things at yourself in the mirror. When you’re feeling down about fucking up, or the way your body looks or whatever, all you’re focusing on is lack. You look for all the results you haven’t acquired yet and you beat yourself down about not having them, overlooking everything that you do have. I stand in the mirror (sometimes naked if I need a lotta love) and I compliment myself. When I first tried this method of affirmation, I begun with all the things I physically liked about myself. As my confidence grew I started finding the good in stuff I wasn’t too hot on: “YOU CAN REST SNACKS AND BOOKS ON YOUR BOOBS AND TUMMY. IT’S LIKE HAVING A DELUXE BUILT IN TRAY, LIKE ON A PLANE. YOU’RE LIKE A PRIVATE JET, BETCH!” I then moved onto my personality: “YOU DON’T SWEAR TOO MUCH, YOU’RE JUST FUCKING PASSIONATE ABOUT SHIT, PLUS SWEARING MAKES SHIT FUNNIER. YOU’RE BASICALLY A COMEDIAN!”

The reason that I harp on about building yourself up mentally throughout this process is because of the times when it’s not as easy as you’d like it to be. It’s important that you can be your own support system because you may not always have someone to lean on. Once you’ve shown yourself some proper love and respect, your mind will be right as rain (never understood that saying. Rain is dead.) and you can get back on track without having anything fucking with you.

If you enjoyed this post you may also enjoy my free downloadable guide, #LavishLife, a motivational 9 step programme that I createdespecially for you, to help you live your best life beyond just weight loss, e.g. if you want a new job, more money, a better social life, etc, the #LavishLife guide will have something for you. You deserve to have everything you want and you can. All you gotta do is take care of you, bitch.

If you would like more posts like this, click the heart below, and please be a star and share it with your friends.

If there are any topics you would like me to talk about, just hit me up here and if you haven’t done so already, please make sure you join my mailing list by clicking that lovely blue envelope in the corner for exclusive news, updates and giveaways.

Click the image below to read my previous #SvelteHeaux2017 post:

Fancy something a little more daring? Read chapters 1-6 of my sexy, award-winning urban romance, Running Wilde (new chapter posted every Friday)

 Until next time, fancy face

Love Scotty x

[fzhrrr]

Wedding stories

Ive been wanting to write about my wedding since, like 3 months ago. Somehow it got postponed every single day coz there’s always things to do. Life after marriage sometimes mean splitting yourself in 3 different directions. Your off days arent just yours anymore. That one off day per week that i got also belongs to myself, my husband, my family, his family, my dirty laundry, my books, my skin and i guess you can pretty much guess where along that list does my blog goes down.

Anyway, wedding stories. Disclaimer, rather than a dreamy- fantasize version of romantic fairy tale, my wedding is far far away from that.

Just last week, we had our sanding ceremony on A’s side. I was surprised that it was probably my favourite (most bearable) out of all three receptions. 

I think the reason being is that we learned a lot of no-no’s from the previous majlis. This time around we decided to wear a traditional ensemble, something loose, not too heavy and just comfortable to be in on a hot day. And i especially love how the pictures turned out. Honestly a teeny tiny piece of super malayness in me kinda dreamed of having this picture. Two pengantin on a simple pelamin, in a songket outfit, headpiece and all. Its the kind of picture you’d hang on your wall and hope to one day proudly show your grandkids. (and they’d probably laugh on how out of fashion we were)

But yeah, it was nice. In Muar I did my own make up, and was so happy with how it turned out. We blew 800 ringgit on make up alone during the akad and majlis in cheras and i was so cranky because it was so horrible. The one during akad wasnt so bad (it was how people deemed make up pengantin should be, but my eyes were heavy and i look jahat in all the pics), but the night time do was just, unbelievable. I was in such a bad mood the only reason i got out of the house was because it was too late, and we cant keep the guests waiting. 

I paid titi athirah, an old schoolmate to do my makeup and she so claimed it was at a discounted price. Didnt want to be so fussy coz apparently 800 is “cheap” for two ceremonies. I said i wanted just a basic look with deep red lips, she then insist on putting lighter foundation to make me look lighter coz its night time, then she had the audacity to put cheap glittters on my eyes and these tacky red gloss on my lips.

Pictured- annoyed me knowing she messed up, and knowing we ran out of time to fix things. Thick brows, tacky lips, orange skin,I look like a russian pornstar- and not the expensive kind.

I spend the whole evening feeling so ugly and embarassed. Yes, thats the exact words. In every picture my face was either grey from the wrong foundation shade or just sour, because i knew i look bad. I dont feel like myself, i was a horrible bride and A had to calm me down through out. I confronted this to titi, and she said to make it up, why dont she do one more service for free. That offer is just pure garbage coz dude, the damage is done and there’s no undo button to reset your wedding day. It is what it is.

I was so uncomfortable that i wasnt fully able to appreciate those who came to my wedding. I was reluctant to say hi, i dont wanna meet people, i just wanted it to end quickly. The crankiness outweighed my happiness of actually seeing friends and family who came to celebrate with us. 

So this was one of the biggest lessons and tips to all brides: on your wedding day you only have one job- to be pretty and pleasant. And the only way for that to happen you need to be comfortable. 

In Muar, there was some miscommunications which in the end lead me to doing my own make up. Oh people were just hogging around me- your eyes are so plain, your lipstick is too pale, your foundation is too dark, your base arent thick enough we can see your pores and human skin imperfections! The comments were so crude up to a point where i stood up for myself and said, can everyone just let me do my make up they way i want it. Because i feel like people can be so disrespectful when they want you to conform to their standard of beauty, without them realising it (cause hey, its only right for them to criticize and diminish the bride self worth on her wedding day)

I aint gonna be homeless-looking-russian pornstar 2.0.

And im glad i stood up for myself.

True, my make up wasnt perfect. Brows were crooked, there were shiny patch of oily skin all over my face. But A said i look nice and comfortable (like my usual make up do), and that was all that mattered. I was happy and glowing and excited to be bride of the day. And it obviously made me happier coz my man knows what i like best for me.

The kampung majlis was lively. Kompang and berarak and that whole shenanigan. Food was good and i ate like theres no tomorrow. The only problem was we didnt know how to pengantin, so after the formal meal we sort of just sat inside and mind our own business. We didnt invite our friends, and we knew <1% of the guests. A has always been the quiet guy and i was definitely not gonna muster up all my strength and bravado to go table to table and greet people. Took a few pictures with my family, pretended to drink water a few times and we went for an outdoor photoshoot with my brother. We really didnt know what to do.

The sun was scorching hot and we just wanted an out from the awkwardness of facing humans. You are the main star of a show people half heartedly come to see on your post postcall day. If there’s one principal i live by, its that you are an adult who can make your own good and bad decisions. You dont have to stay in awkward moments, you are allowed to make selfish choices. 

And we chose an outdoor photoshoot at 3pm. Here’s us, barely able to open our eyes, in a picture where there’s more semak than sweetness. (but at least we got out of the awkward pengantin situation)

Kudos to idi, because this time we didnt have to pay the photgrapher thousands of ringgit for a few good shots.

I feel like this post is getting too long, and i ran out of energy to continue typing. Point is, pae’s married now. Wedding both sides are done so if the stress can go away and let my period cycle, skin condition and blood pressure return to normal that would be nice.

Do take note that being married is magical. And a life filled with love is unimaginably more beautiful than anything you can imagine. My rant is about the wedding, the wifing part i do enjoy bery bery much.

Here’s some random wedding shots for keepsake. enjoy:)

[streamercookies]

New Years Resolution & XQ Family Day

It’s four days into 2019 and I finally came up with a list of things that I want to try to achieve or try doing this time around. I never bought into the whole 'New Years Resolution’ or the ‘New Year New me’ bogus because I always believed you’re setting yourself up for failure. Then I realised it was because of my lack of faith in myself and lack of effort on my part that made me think this way. 

I never even gave myself a chance to try because I was always expecting the worst (ie: failure) of myself. I always had trouble with believing in myself because I constantly think the worst of myself (people always say “you are your worst enemy” and “you are your greatest obstacle” and this speaks to me on so many levels you would not believe). I didn’t used to be like this but life has a way of changing people. This time I want to be my greatest comfort, my own source of strength. I want to start having faith in myself.

I know this seems like too much and too deep of a thought to put into making New Years Resolution but it’s a start. I mean it’s just New Years Resolution, right? It should just be about what you want to achieve or what you want to try in this new year. But I have always avoided making one because I never believed I could do it, whatever it is. So here’s me putting some faith in myself by making a New Years Resolution. We all have to start somewhere, right?

Here it is:-

1. Eat at least twice a day (Breakfast and either Lunch or Dinner)

2. Eat supplements daily (twice a day after meals)

3. Exercising 30 minutes per day (any kind)

4. Read and finish one book every 2 weeks (at least)

5. Take care of your prayers

6. Drink more water

7. Try to record daily life as much as possible

8. Write everyday

9. Try

Okay this seems like a lot but it mostly consist of minor things I want myself to practice. I realised from the year before that I wasn’t taking care of myself very well (in all aspect of the sense). So I want to change that this year. In order to be strong, I have to take care of myself. And I’m giving myself a chance to try. That’s the most important here; TO TRY. 

As part of my resolution, I’ll write down what happened today (here comes the boring part where I ramble about my life).

Today was XQ’s (my current batch-mates) Family Day. It also happened to be MValiantz’s (my old batch-mates) Family Day as well. Seeing as I needed to bond with my new batch-mates, naturally I went to XQ’s Family Day. It was suppose to start at 8.30 am but didn’t start until and hour later. Even then, I came nearly an hour late (bad timing on my part but also I kind of planned on coming late anyway so it worked out well haha). 

I woke up to pray and considering it’s winter in Egypt, went straight back to lie down in bed afterwards (my house doesn’t have central heating and using the heater would spike my electric bills through the roof). My housemates were making fried rice in the kitchen and I was kinda waiting for them to finish so I could use the kitchen next (honestly, I was just super lazy to get out of bed) to make “roti telur” (something a kin to french toast but not really?) for potluck. Ain slept over and coz she couldn’t pray, slept through every single alarm we set until I had to wake her up by force (the lazyass). 

We were late coz I underestimated the amount of time we needed to cook (oops) but luckily another XQ mate (an og member, Aisya) was late so we weren’t the only ones and didn’t feel too awkward about it. The theme for Family Day was Harry Potter (?) and my team was Slytherin so we had to wear green (but I wore black with green accessories that they made). 

We played some games (and I took part in some though I lost coz I suck) and some delicious food that they cooked (Nasi Kerabu) with the rest of the potluck that other people brought. It was fun until I had a headache from staying in the sun for too long and a stomachache (as usual). By that point I was ready to go home, but we had to take pictures (which took almost an hour and I hate taking pictures so you can imagine my misery, add to that I was in pain so it was a struggle not to just bolt).

After all the festivities were over, Ain and I went to Starbucks. Honestly I wanted to go home but a couple of our friends were waiting for us there already so we had to. Hung out and walked for a bit in the mall till it was about time to go home coz I had to pee (I hate using public restrooms). 

So that pretty much concludes the festivities and I am now in my bed. I have yet to shower coz there was no hot water so I had to wait. I have also not done my laundry that is towering up real quick so I might have to get to that after I shower. 

The low point of today was I suddenly burst into tears and I don’t even know why. I suddenly felt scared (of what I don’t know) and just started crying. I thought about telling someone or talking to someone but I don’t want people thinking I’m being dramatic or worrying about me so I just cried it out. Luckily it was just a short one, momentary fear of the unknown(?). I guess I’m just stressed and tired. I should stop thinking now. Also I have to pee very badly so I’ll just stop here. Till the next entry, whenever that may be.

Self-reminder: Courage does not exist without fear. 

[suga-ssi]

Why would anyone hate you for asking us to send u requests oh my god ur the best????? Okay so taegi! Jealousy? A lol angsty but ofc happy ending! And with HAPPY ending I mean there has to be a make out session yes. And like forrealz jealousy like something like flirting with someone else? (ofc not really flirting but misunderstanding maybe) :) if I didn't misunderstand that post tho omf also me! I wanna be a friend 😂😂

OMYGOD! Believe it or not, (Well, you’d have to believe coz I’m actually fucking posting it) I finished writing your request! WTF?! I need to sleep! LOL Anyway, I hope you like this (unbeta-ed, partially edited mess. I’ll clean it up, I promise)

Note: Posted on AO3! HERE I don’t think it’s awesome enough to repost… but anyway… just please… don’t. THANKS! :)

Title: Stay

Word count: 3,852

Relationship: TaeGi, TaeJae

Characters: Yoongi, Taehyung, Minjae, Jimin (mentioned), Namjoon (mentioned), Hoseok (mentioned)

Rating: M - Mature content based on loads of swearing, violence (barely), make out scene that even nuns can read LOL, drinking

Summary: People handle jealousy differently but there is only one way to get past it and make each other stay.

“I think… I think Yoongi’s cheating on me.” Taehyung slurred,as he took one more shot. He seriously lost count after a few minutes, hours?Shit, he realized, he couldn’t even remember how long it has been since theyentered this fucking bar.

“Yoongi? Cheating on you? With what? I mean who? How? Dude’stoo fucking in love with you to even consider that shit. I mean look at you,fuck! Who wouldn’t be?” Minjae answered, barely even having the energy to lifthis head from the table to respond.

“This things… things… Just you… you just know…” Taehyung raisedhis voice in an attempt to prove his point, cause he knew he had a point. He blinked a few times as his vision got blurry. He tried to rub his eyes and he felt the back ofhis hand get damp. Fuck? Was he actually crying?

Minjae lifted his head from the table when he realized thatTaehyung was sobbing. His whole body was shaking as he hugged his legs closerto himself. Minjae immediately moved to sit beside his friend, bringing him intoa tight embrace, rubbing Taehyung’s back as his breath started hitching.

“I can’t…. He just… He won’t…” Tae started, failing to formany complete sentences as he tried to catch his breath. Why won’t the tearsstop? Tae wondered, as his body continued to shake harder under Minjae’s touch.

“SHhh…shhh…shhh” Minjae whispered into Tae’s ear as he triedto calm him down.

Taehyung felt his friend’s breath near his ear, sendingtingly feelings up his spine. How long has it been since Yoongi held him likethis? How long has it been since he felt secured and taken cared of?

Minjae used his thumb to wipe Tae’s tear and gently held hischin to lift Tae’s head up.

“Look at me. Look at me, Kim Taehyung.” Minjae said as heheld Tae’s face in both his hands. “Anyone would be lucky to have you. And ifYoongi doesn’t realize this then he is being a stupid asshole, okay?”

Their faces were now inches away from each other andTaehyung can feel Minjae staring at his lips.

“No, he’s just…” Taehyung answered as he shook his head, backing off a few more inches for safety. He was breathing more evenly now, the close encounter sobbering him up a bit. “Ibarely see him. He has been staying in his studio for hours on end and I knowfor a fact that he isn’t alone.”

“He isn’t? Who is he with? You’re not jealous of Namjoon areyou?”

“No! Fuck! Not Namjoon. That dude’s as straight as a plank.”Taehyung protested, pouring himself another shot of their neglected vodka,spilling some of the alcohol in the process.

“Nope, not Namjoon. Jimin.” Taehyung mumbled as he knockedback his head to take another shot.

“Ji who?”

“Ji… MIIIIINNNNN~~~” Taehyung dragged out, his eyesbarely open. “Tiny ball of sunshine from the fucking Shire. Fluffy as fuck!Always beaming and happy with a fucking smile plastered on his fucking face!Fucking hobbit.”

Taehyung ended dramatically as he paused to pour himselfanother shot.

“Tae, Yoongi isn’t exactly tall either.” Minjae offered.

“Fucking… pay attention, Minjae! We aren’t talking aboutYoongi! We… are talking… about Jimin.” Tae retorted, his hand waving his emptyshot glass in the air.

“Yes. Jimin. okay.” Minjae conceded.

“Jimin” Tae repeated.

Minjae raised both his hands to show surrender, “Okay,Jimin.”

“Why the fuck do you keep saying his name!? You fucking himtoo? Shit! You all gang banging the dude?” Taehyung said loudly, makingMinjae’s eyes open in surprise.

“Fuck. NO! Just… you were. Nevermind. Continue. So Ji…”

Taehyung glared at Minjae, daring him to finish what he wassaying.

“Shit. Just calm the fuck down, Tae. Not saying his name.Noted. So this…  DUDE… has been hangingwith Yoongi in his studio… to record? I suppose?” Minjae asked, his handslowly moving towards the now nearly empty vodka bottle. He really neededanother drink to process the whole thing, but seeing as Taehyung looked sodetermined to be plastered he knew one of them had to get sober.

“And I quote, ‘he has the voice of an angel’, end quote”Taehyung said sarcastically, as he made too many finger quotes.

“Who said? Yoongi?”

“No, fucking Hoseok. Who probably wants to fuck the hobbittoo. Good news for you, you might just get your first orgy, dude.” Tipping thebottle he was now holding towards Minjae.

“How the fuck am I part of this? Anyway, have you evenconsidered the possibility that he might just really be using his lips to singand not to blow your boyfriend?”

“Just sing? Just? Have you seen my boyfriend?” Taehyungasked with pure shock in his voice.

“Pale skin, brooding eyes, I don’t give a shit aura? Yeah,I’ve heard of his work.” Minjae drawled as he took a sip of water. “Of course Iknow Yoongi, Tae.”

“Well… then you know he is fucking sex on legs.” Taehyunganswered in a matter of factly tone,knocking back another shot as he felt like he made his point.

“Not my type.” Minjae murmured but Taehyung wasn’t payingattention.

“It’s just… it’s been weeks since we last had… well… sex.And I know Yoongi.” Tae said calmly. “We used to do it on a daily. But now?Now, he gets home, he falls asleep immediately, too tired to even respond to myquestions about his day. He gets up, bathes, takes his coat, and leaves.”

Minjae just sat in silence, feeling that Taehyung wasn’tdone with his story.

“One morning,” Tae started again, as he poured more alcohol inhis shot glass. “I asked him to check the jean designs I made for this class.He told me he’d look at them after his bath. But then his phone rings and Iheard him taking the call. He entered the other room and startedwhispering. I mean, why be sneaky and shit, right? So I tried to listen fromthe outside. And just… fuck… He sounded so sweet on the phone, praising andcalming down whoever was on the other end of the call.” Taehyung paused as helooked at the shot he was about to take.

“He didn’t even bother to say goodbye. He just took hisjacket and left while he was on the phone.” Taehyung felt his tears welling upagain as he downed the shot he has been holding. “It was like I wasn’t eventhere. He just walked right past me.” He bit his lips in an attempt to stop thetears from falling but they fell anyway

“He has been so secretive and distant.” Silent tears werenow rolling down his cheeks. “And I just miss him so much.” Taehyung almostwhispers as he rests his head on Minjae’s shoulders.

“Shhh…. Tae… It’s going to be alright… shhhh.” Minjae saidas he stroked Tae’s hair.

Tae looked up at him, the distance being too close forMinjae’s comfort. “I don’t want to lose him.” His drunk friend whispers as helooked at him straight in the eyes.

“I can’t lose him.” Taehyung mumbles as his head drops backon Minjae’s shoulders. “I can’t”

“You won’t lose him, Tae.” Minjae answered half-heartedly,knowing full well that he can’t make any promises for Yoongi. But he wasn’taround and Tae needed this right now.

Minutes passed as Minjae waited in silence as he feltTaehyung’s breathing even out.

Minjae somehow managed to pay their bill, hail themselves acab, drag both their drunk asses to the elevator, and eventually throw Tae onthe bed he shared with Yoongi. Funnily enough, the most difficult part wasgetting Tae to find his key to get them inside.

Once inside, Minjae thought it would be good for Tae if hewashed him up and gave him a fresh pair of clothes.

“Good for you, dude. But bad, bad, idea for tipsy me.”Minjae said to himself. He knew the temptation would be too much and he wasn’tthe type to take advantage of a vulnerable guy, no matter how in love he was withsaid vulnerable guy.

In the end, Minjae decided to just cover his friend with ablanket, making sure he was tucked in comfortably.

“Stay.” The voice came out so soft that Minjae thought hehad just imagined it. He looked back at his friend, whose arms were outstretched, trying to reach out to him.

“Stay.” Taehyung repeated needily and it was too much forMinjae to ignore.

He slowly walked back to the bed where Taehyung was and heldthe hand reaching out to him. Minjae knew this was a bad idea but this was justtoo much for him to fight. Yoongi was being a stupid prick and Taehyung neededsomeone. Minjae thought that maybe tonight, just for tonight he could be thatsomeone.

He moved to lie down on the bed, facing Taehyung whose armwas now draped across his waist.

“Yoongi.” Taehyung mumbled in his sleep and Minjae closedhis eyes, trying to imagine his friend saying his name instead. He moved to tryand lie comfortably but he felt Taehyung’s hold tighten when he did.

“Stay.” Tae whispered again as Minjae watched a tear rolldown his sleeping friend’s face.

He wanted to wipe away the tears with his hand but they weretrapped under Taehyung’s embrace at the moment, so Minjae did the only thing hefelt he could do. He moved in closer and kissed the wet mark that the tearleft.

“Yoongi.” He heard his friend whisper again as he felt awarm hand slowly cup his cheek, pulling him closer and Minjae could do nothingelse but brace himself for the impact.

Taehyung’s hand was now on his nape, pushing him to deepenthe kiss. The push was gentle but something more forceful was making Minjaemove forward. Taehyung parted his lips, allowing Minjae to kiss his lower lip.He has always tried to imagine how wonderful this would feel but nothing hasprepared him for this beautiful reality. Taehyung tasted like alcohol with aslight hint of his strawberry lip balm, and in spite of himself, Minjae wantedto taste it more. He slowly slid his tongue between Taehyung’s parted lips,licking every warm surface it touched upon its entry.

His freed hand was now placed on the other’s hip, pullinghim closer. He had to stifle a moan as Taehyung started grinding slowly but the friction elicited a deep moan from Taehyunginstead.  

“Fuck.” Minjae whispered breathily as he gasped for air,before diving back in. Taehyung’s hands maneuvered his head, enabling Minjae toexplore more of Taehyung’s mouth, tongues touching and playing with each other.

This all felt too much and at the same time not enough forMinjae. He slowly moved his hands to feel Taehyung’s warm skin above hiswaistband, fingers slowly dipping lower as he felt himself getting harderagainst Tae’s thighs.

“Tae!” Minjae heard the familiar low, gravelly voice beforehe heard the door slamming against the wall.

Minjae scrambled to get away from Taehyung’s grasp and getas far away from him as possible.Heavy footsteps approached thebed.

“Mother Fucker!” Minjae felt the impact he did not seecoming. His cheek throbbed and his neck creaked as the first blow hit him. Hestumbled backward, losing his footing, barely sobered up brain not fullyregistering what just happened. Before he could even stand he felt another blowas a foot hit his hip. Pain shot up from his hip to his whole body.

“Get out!” the voice boomed. “Get the fuck out!”

Minjae crawled-jumped-ran faster than he ever had his entirelife. Not having the time to look back at the mess he made and at the friend heprobably will never see again.

Taehyung woke up to a door slamming on the wall and all hecould see was a raged Yoongi. Eyes blown up in anger as he made a fist andstormed towards him.

“Mother Fucker!” He heard Yoongi’s deep voice and he wasfrozen on the spot.

He barely registered Minjae scrambling to get out of his bedwhen in a split second, Minjae was on the floor. He saw Yoongi reeling back tokick Minjae but he was too stunned to stop it from happening. He heard Yoongi’sboots come in contact with Minjae’s hip and looked to see Minjae wincing inpain. He was about to get up and stop Yoongi from further hurting his friendbut Yoongi just suddenly stopped moving. He was just looking at the floor, fiststill closed tight but he didn’t move to attack.

“Get out!” Yoongi yelled. “Get the fuck out!”

And Taehyung can only watch as his friend picked himself upand ran for the door.

He was just staring dumbly at Yoongi as he heard the frontdoor close.

“Explain, Tae.” Yoongi’s tone was flat, waiting for Taehyungto say something. Impatience got the better of him and he yelled out before hecould stop himself, “Explain! TAE!”

“I… I… was drunk.” Tae stuttered as he sat up clinging ontohis blanket.

Yoongi started pacing a few steps after hearing Tae’s response but he stopped again right by the footof the bed. “Holy shit! FU… You were drunk?! Is that the best you can do Tae?!”Yoongi’s hand gripping the roots of his own hair.

“I walk into OUR ROOM!! See you fucking YOUR FRIEND!! Andall you can say is that you were… DRUNK?!” Yoongi’s eyes were now fully blownout in anger. His jaw line jutting out as he gritted his teeth.

“I wasn’t fucking Minjae!! I’m not the one who has beenfucking around here!!” Taehyung weakly yelled in response as he knelt on thebed.

“Excuuuuse me? What are you trying to say, Tae?! Spit it thefuck out! Coz I swear to fucking God, I have no patience left right now!”Yoongi answered back, hands still in a fist on his side.

“You!” Tae managed to yell back, standing up to get out ofbed. “You, Mr. Bigshot Producer! Where have you been getting some? Huh?”feeling a bit braver as he towered over his angry boyfriend. His anger nowbuilding as he watched Yoongi stare at him in a confused rage.

“Where? Huh?” Taenudged Yoongi’s chest with his palm, pushing the latter a step backward. “CozGod knows you haven’t been around here long enough to talk, let alone fuck!Your little singing hoe got you tired every fucking night. We don’t even talk for you to know what I have been up to lately! Tell me, Yoongi! Is that bitch’s throatbetter than mine? Or is his fat ass tighter?”

“Fucking who? Jimin?” Yoongi rolled his eyes as he tested ifTae had more to say.

“Yes. Jimin, the ass you keep for yourself inside yourstudio.”

“You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about, Tae.”Yoongi said as he walked out of the room to enter their kitchen.

Taehyung followed Yoongi to the kitchen and saw the otherman opening a can of beer from their fridge.

“Enlighten me then, asshole! Don’t walk out on me during afucking fight!” Taehyung yelled.

“I needed a drink.” Yoongi answered, gulping down the beerbefore he continued. “I wasn’t exactly expecting to see my boyfriend making outwith his jerk friend the moment I entered MY bedroom.”

“Shhi… I thought he was you, okay?!”

“You thought?!” Yoongi chuckled sarcastically. “You… thoughthe was me. BRILLIANT! Did you at any point try to at least open your fuckingeyes while you were making out?” Yoongi spat out angrily.

Taehyung just stared back at Yoongi, not able to give ananswer to the question.

“Didn’t think so.” Yoongi concluded as he took another gulpof his beer.

“I was drunk, okay?” Tae yelled out again. “Only one head ofmine was functioning and unfortunately it wasn’t the one that could think.” Heended his statement almost in a mumble.

“From the looks of it, your mouth was working pretty wellthough.” Yoongi bit back.

“Fuck! Fine! I was wrong! I’m sorry! But it was an accident!Not like your premeditated sneaky escapades with that tiny squeaky singer!”Taehyung shouted, walking out of the kitchen to sit at their sofa.

Yoongi was quick to follow him, beer still in hand as hestood in front of Tae.

“Look, who’s walking out now.” Yoongi teased. “Was that it?Were you jealous of Jimin?”

Taehyung wanted to snap back, to push his anger further but hesaw that Yoongi was dead ass smirking at him now. Sitting down was a wrongmove, Taehyung thought, he knew that the moment he stopped standing over Yoongihe’d feel smaller again.

“Yes,” he replied meekly. “But it’s not unfounded!” He addedweakly.

“It’s not?” Yoongi titled his head and raised his eyebrows,smirk still on his face. “Tell me then.” He said as he sat down beside hisboyfriend.

“It’s just… you’re never around anymore. I have no idea whatyou’re doing most of the time. You pick up his calls so quickly when you’rehome but lately you haven’t even been answering mine.” Taehyung hated that hesounded like a whining a child. He could hear himself and it made him feel morepathetic. To make matters worse, he felt the tell tale stinging that precludedhis tears again. Fuck.

Yoongi was now looking at him with gentle eyes and he couldfeel the other’s hand resting on his thigh. Taehyung needed to stay focused totell Yoongi everything, so he decided to look at his hands as he fiddled withthem on his lap.

He could feel his tears start rolling and his breath washitching once more as he continued, “You never stay around even on the weekends.It was like you were at his every beck and call. You come home not smellinglike yourself. I cook you dinner and you just tell me you ate out with him. Igot an A+ for my last deign line, did you know? Of course you didn’t cause younever even bother to ask anymore.”

Taehyung decided to stop cause his voice was now breakingand it wasn’t helping his case at all.

“Are you done?” Yoongi asked, taking Taehyung’s hand in his and watched Taehyung just sniffle without a response.

“Please look at me, babe.” Yoongi begged and Taehyung lookedat him, rubbing his eyes a bit to prevent more tears from falling.

“Okay, first of all, I’m sorry for not explaining the wholesituation to you before it blew up like this. We’ve been together for more thantwo years now, babe. I don’t know, I was too secure that I thought you alreadyknew how much I love you and that you’d understand without me having to explain. I’msorry. I need to communicate things better.”

Taehyung nodded slowly, breathing still uneven as he waitedfor Yoongi to continue.

“And Jimin? Jimin is a trainee at the company. He isscheduled to debut soon but the whole situation is dependent on the song I’m making for him.The kid has been through a lot and I feel for him. The company has been naggingme about our progress but I want to make sure that all his hard work will payoff. Company keeps calling him, he keeps calling me. Kid’s stressed out of hismind worrying about this. I should have told you all about this sooner. I’msorry if you felt neglected, babe.” Yoongi held Taehyung’s cheek in his hand ashis thumb wiped away the last tears that dropped.

“And lastly.” Yoongi took Taehyung’s hand and held it to hischeek. Taehyung felt his boyfriend’s warmth and it helped in slowly ebbing awayall the anxieties he felt over the past few days. Yoongi then started kissingTae’s hand and Tae closed his eyes to relish the feeling. He missed this.He missed all of this.

“Lastly?” Tae asked.

“Lastly. I love you. I love you, Tae. I love all of you.”Yoongi placed his hand on Tae’s neck as he made their foreheads touch.

Tae giggled softly as he felt a tingly warmth at the pit of hisstomach, his body reacting to the touch he has been longing for.

Yoongi guided Tae towards his lips to a chaste kiss, bringingtheir foreheads together once more as they smiled at each other.

“I love you, Kim Taehyung.” Yoongi whispered as he broughthis lips towards Tae’s eyes.

“I love your dopey looking eyes that disappear when yousmile.” Taehyung closed his eyes and felt Yoongi’s lips on them.

“I love your nose and how you scrunch them when you’refocused on anything.” Yoongi then moved to kiss Tae’s nose.

“I love your neck and how sensitive you get when I kiss it.”His nose trailing Taehyung’s jawline as he slowly moved his lips to leave anopen mouthed kiss on Tae’s neck. Yoongi could feel his boyfriend’s adam’s applebob to swallow as he licked him from his jaw to his collar bone.

“I love your boxy grin and your sinful lips that somehowalways taste like strawberries.” Yoongi cupped Taehyung’s face in his hands andlicked the latter’s lips to force them to open. He bit on Taehyung’s lower lipplayfully as he moved his hand to firmly hold his boyfriend’s neck, moving himin sync with him so he could explore parts of his mouth he wanted to taste.

Yoongi’s lips again worked their way back to Taehyung’sneck. Biting gently on his jaw line before marking them the way he knew hisboyfriend wanted.

Taehyung moaned from the familiar feeling of pleasure anddecided he needed more. He swung his legs over his boyfriend to straddle him, settinghimself against the other man’s hardness. He puts his arms around Yoongi’s neckforcing the latter to look up at him.

For a brief moment he just stared at his boyfriend. Hisporcelain pale skin contrasting against his black hair, his eyes that were blownwith anger earlier were now hooded and lusting, his lips beautifully swollen from theirkissing. He is beautiful, Taehyung thought, and he is mine.

As if reading his thought Yoongi suddenly spoke, “You areamazing, Kim Taehyung. And I’d be the dumbest asshole in the planet if I let someone as talented, sweet, and caring as you get away from me.” He said as he smiled his gummy smile. “Repeat afterme, Tae. I am yours.”

“I am yours.” Taehyung repeated.

“And you are mine.”

“And you are mine.”

Taehyung lowered his head to kiss Yoongi and held on to himin a tight embrace, Yoongi’s arms around his waist holding him in place.

“Yoongi?”

“Yes, love?”

“Stay.”

“As long as you want me.” Yoongi answered back, as he kissedTaehyung a little more needily.

Taehyung felt warmth all around him as their night wore on.His senses were flooded with everything Yoongi and he wanted to bask in it for aslong as he can. He didn’t know how long what they had would last, but for now he was sure.Here is where he wanted to stay.

[forthelove-aokaga]

Prompt: Air Dry

Prompt: Air Dry

“Yes! I win!” Kagami shouts in joy.

Aomine wiped his brow and gave Kagami a smug look. “Yeah that’s coz’ I let you win,” Aomine smirk finishing his sentence.

“Fuck you. I won fair and square loser,” Kagami walked up to the bench and chugged down the water. “You’re just sour because you lost to me~”

“Like hell I would,” Aomine sat on the bench beside Kagami and grabbed the redhead bottle from him.

“What the- I was drinking that Aho!” Kagami looks at Aomine full with annoyance.

“Relax princess it’s just water,” Aomine continued chugging down the drink. Aomine then glanced to side and saw Kagami started pouting and stuffing his bags with an attitude. He loves it when the redhead pouts at him its actually cute that Aomine can’t help but teases him more.

Aomine then pulled Kagami’s face towards him in one hand squeezing his cheeks. Kagami eyes gaze to the side in anger not wanting to deal with Aomine. Aomine then chuckles and lean in until their lips met each other for a slow kiss. Aomine pulled apart from the kiss and notice that Kagami cheeks were flushed from it.

“You’re so cute Taiga. We’ve kissed so many times and you still blushed like it’s still our first kiss,” Aomine chuckles pulling Kagami lips again for another kiss.

“S-shut up…” Kagami pulled himself from Aomine grabbed his bag and started walking back home.

“Hey wait up!” Aomine grabbed his bag and chase after Kagami.

He and Kagami have been dating for almost two months now. They met each other again when they saw each other on campus and realised that they were enrolling in the same college. They caught up with each other and one thing led to another, they’re dating now. It was awkward at first when they started going out together, both somewhat enemies in high school are now holding hands to the movies.

They went for movies and dinner dates plenty of time just enjoying each other’s company and getting to know each other. The furthest intimate thing they’ve done after almost two months of dating was making out until they’re breathless, Aomine wanted more but he didn’t want to push Kagami away by moving so fast just because he was horny. Just time will tell.

They both arrived at Kagami’s apartment to hangout for a drink before Aomine heads back home.

“Hey, can you wait a bit today? Let’s have dinner together today since tomorrow’s a weekend you can stay a bit longer. I bought beef so I can some beef stew for us.” Kagami said as he offered Aomine a glass of iced tea.

“Hmm… hold up let me check if Satsuki has the key,” Aomine hold up his phone and called up his bestfriend.

“I still can’t believe you and Momoi are still together until now.” Kagami chuckles sipping on his drink.

Aomine sighs and still waiting for the phone call to pick up. “Don’t even remind me. It’s bad enough I’m sharing the apartment with her but I also have to eat what she co-” Aomine cut his sentence off when the other line answers.

Looking at Aomine’s face he knows this is going to be a long call so he gestured infront of Aomine that he’s going to take a shower. Aomine nodded continued his conversation with Momoi. Kagami made his way to his room.

*** 20 minutes passed and Kagami still hears Aomine voice faintly talking from the living room. He ruffled his hair with the small towel throwing it in the hamper and made his way to kitchen fridge for a glass of milk. He then bend down and grabbed all the other ingredients to prepped for dinner.

He puts on his apron and turns his music on his phone to ‘Sunday morning by Maroon 5" and starts chopping up the ingredients for the stew slowly humming to the song. He finished prepping his ingredients and bends down again grabbing a dutch oven pot to start cooking.

He then realised that he can’t hear Aomine’s voice from the living room anymore, so he turns around and saw from the kitchen counter Aomine stood still with his phone in hand and mouth gape open to him.

“Are you okay?” Kagami stepped closer to the counter. “Oi, aho?” Kagami tilt his head to the side in question and waved his hand infront of Aomine’s vision. The man didn’t even flinch. “Are playing? Well whatever…” Kagami turns back around to continue cooking.

“….are you naked Kagami?” Aomine voice appeared and he saw Kagami’s bare back infront of him.

Kagami turns his head slightly to reply and continues cooking “Hmm? Yeah…why?”

“What do you mean why?! Is this really okay we’ve only known each other for over a month plus and…” Aomine is lost for words when he sees Kagami’s ass swaying each time the redhead moves.

“What? I’m used to air drying myself after a shower. Like you haven’t seen other people nude in the gym showers.” Kagami said the last part sarcastically.

Is he hearing this right? Kagami always air dries himself in the nude at home? The Kagami Taiga who’s shy everytime they kiss have no problem being nude at home. The equation just doesn’t add up.

“It’s my house so I can do whatever I want. So shut it Aho.” Kagami stirs his concoction ignoring what Aomine thinks. Everyone always see each other’s naked in the gum showers anyway.

“Said the guy who still blushes everytime he’s kiss,” Aomine murmured slowly.

Kagami got angry and turns around to Aomine’s direction too abruptly that the he hit the spoon from the pot to flicked out and hit his Kagami’s thigh. Kagami hisses from the pain and drop to his knees. Aomine shocked from Kagami’s hissing immediately ran to the man side.

“Fuck that’s hot! Shit…” Kagami curse as he touched the wound.

“You can say that again…” Aomine turns off the burner and kneeled beside Kagami.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Now?! You want to joke around now? Fuck…” Kagami shouts at Aomine.

“Ok…ok… let me see…” Aomine slowly stretched out his hand to touch Kagami’s leg but his hand was pushed away. “Come on Taiga let me see the burn.”

Kagami kept pushing Aomine’s hand away that the bluenette got annoyed and looked at his boyfriend face. His whole face is red to his ears and eyes pooling with tears.

“Are you kidding me? Now you’re shy? The guy who just cook stark naked.” Aomine laughs at the remarks.

He then pulled Kagami’s leg with force to see the burn ignoring the redhead hands still pushing him away. The skin was really red but no blood had broken the skin. Aomine got up to the bedroom and came out with a tube of toothpaste and a wet towel in his hand.

“Toothpa- OW!” Kagami hissed in pain as Aomine gently placed the wet towel on his thighs and slowly dabbing the burn area. Kagami then flinch when Aomine fingers spread the toothpaste on his burns.

“There we go. Toothpaste helps cool the skins from the burns pain.” Aomine wiped his fingers in the towel and place it on the kitchen counter. “I think you should cover up to avoid more accidents. And your little buddy there is peeking out from your apron.”

Kagami quickly pulled on his apron to cover his dick embarrassed from Aomine’s pointing it out. He knows his face is blushing pathetically infront of Aomine. He groans from the whole fiasco.

“Just get out.” Kagami looks angrily at Aomine with his flushed face.

“Well that was some thank you,” Aomine said sarcastically at Kagami. “You can’t stand can you? The burn is rubbing against the other thighs.” Aomine sighed seeing his stubborn boyfriend looking away.

“It’s fine I can mana- Woah! Put me down stupid!” Kagami was suddenly carried ‘bridal style’ and he struggled to get off.

“You push me one more time and I’ll dropped your ass here Taiga” Aomine growls and Kagami flinch sitting still.

Aomine placed Kagami sitting down on the bed and head to the dresser. He rummage through the drawers and returns with a sweatshirt and boxers. Aomine then turns around giving Kagami his space to change. Kagami remove the apron and place it on his lap, he then pulled on the sweatshirt over his head.

“Umm…I need pants…” Kagami said slowly.

“Pants would just make the burn worst. You need to air it out for the night, so just wear the boxers.” Aomine said looking out the room window.

“Okay I’m done,” Kagami notify Aomine to turn around.

Aomine turns and was breathless when he sees his boyfriend in an oversized sweatshirt and a short boxer briefs was just too sexy than when he was naked. He was hot naked but dressed like this just leaves up more for imagination. Shit he’s getting turned on now.

Aomine clears his throat and sit besides Kagami. Kagami fiddle with the hem of his shirt and sat crossed legs to avoid his thighs from touching.

“…thanks for the help Daiki…” Kagami leaned on Aomine and said with a slow voice.

“You’re welcome Taiga,” Aomine said with a sigh.

Kagami then leaned in and kissed Aomine slowly as a thank you, until the other man pulled him closer to deepen the kiss. It was passionate, it was tender it was everything they had both been needing and wanting. Kagami broke away from the kiss breathless.

“Come closer.” Aomine patted his lap. Kagami licked his lips and came to straddle Aomine carefully avoiding the burn, as he seized Aomine’s mouth with a hard kiss and bit at his bottom lip. Aomine sighed contentedly at Kagami’s sweet, hot breath as he reached up to cup Kagami’s chin in one strong hand. They looked into each other’s eyes for a moment before gently putting their foreheads together. “You do know that I really really really like you right?” Aomine asked.

Kagami smile, giving Aomine another kiss. “Yeah…”

“This is sweet and all but, I’m still sticky from before,” Aomine flipped Kagami to lay on the bed. “You wait here and keep those legs open for me.” He teases Kagami before making his way to the bathroom.

“You dick!”

[hearmyvoiceoftreason]

standing by and waiting at your backdoor || highschool! shidge au

ok but snippet of this little fic i’ve been working on coz plot bunnies are annoying af and i’m too excited to post it even if i barely have a quarter of it done whoops 

...so of course when she noticed that Lance had caught her in one of her moments of (admittedly longingly) staring at Shiro, Katie’s first response was to scowl at his shocked face.

It proved to be ineffective.

“Hunk. Hunk. Hunk.” He chanted his name repeatedly all while slapping his arm. Hunk had the misfortune to have been drinking water when Lance started hitting, eyes watering as he promptly swallowed a little too quickly while Lance kept hitting him like some excited lunatic.

Which he kind of was at this moment, now that Katie thought about it.

“What?” the bulky man turned to him as he set down his drink.

“It’s Pidge!” he squealed, and Katie should’ve set him to the hospital by now based on the fury in her stare.

“What about her?” Hunk humored, giving her his own furtive glance.

Hunk should be loaded on a stretcher by now, too.

“She has a thing for Shiro!”

No, scratch sending them to the hospital.

Lance should be dead on the spot. Right now.

Nothing more than a lanky corpse sprawled over the lunch table.

Yeah, that seemed like a pretty picture.  

Somehow, he seemed unfazed and kept prodding, “You totally have a crush on Shiro!”

Katie opened her mouth, a string of excuses already warm and ready to use at the tip of her tongue yet falling dead before they left her mouth.

Lance was definitely an idiot but he wasn’t that stupid, and even if she did come up with the perfect excuse, he still wouldn’t buy it and would keep pestering her until he accidentally talks about it with Shiro around and spill her deepest darkest secret to the one person she didn’t want to know about.

Denial would get her nowhere, she realized.

Not with Lance.

Begrudgingly (and not to mention very, very, very reluctantly), she nodded.

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.”

Lance started jumping up and down on his seat, jostling the food on the table as he did, and she and Hunk had to scramble for their drinks before they spilled all over the place.

“Dude!” Hunk called.

“Calm down, Lance!”

“How can I? You like Shiro!”

Katie ran a palm over her face. “Well didn’t you? Didn’t Keith?” she jutted her chin in the direction of the red leather jacket-clad boy, still falling in line to pay for lunch. “Didn’t all of you have a crush on Shiro at some point?”

“Well, yeah.” Lance said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which it was. “But I got over it. So did Keith.”

“I dunno about you, Pidge,” Hunk started. “But the rest of us just had the closest male equivalent to a fangirl crush-“

“Man crush.” Lance quickly supplied.

“-man crush -thank you Lance- on him.” he picked off a pineapple chunk from his pizza and plopped it in his mouth before adding, “You on the other hand.” He swallowed. “You’re an entirely different story.”

Katie just narrowed his eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Oh she knew exactly what it meant.

She just needed to clarify so she could have a valid reason to murder the two of them in cold blood right there.

“Sure we had a crush on him coz he was you know, Shiro, but you,” Lance gestured to her entire upper body. “You got it really bad.”

Katie rolled her eyes, trying her best to fight down the flush that started creeping up her cheeks. “Shut up, Lance.” Finding it to be a losing battle, Katie decided to put her energy on something more productive and satisfying.

Like lifting her foot to jam it into Lance’s shin.

The resulting screech from her lanky friend was enough to replace the blush with a grin.

“Dios mio, Pidge-“

“I’m not gonna tell him.”

“But Pidgey-“

“Call me a Pokemon one more time, Lance, I swear to god-“

“I just don’t get why you won’t just tell him?” Katie just scowled in response and grabbed her juice, aggressively slurping the liquid through the straw.

“Won’t tell who what?” Keith (when did he even get here what the hell) asked as he slipped in the seat beside in between Hunk and Lance.  

“Pidge to Shiro that she likes him.” Hunk supplied after swallowing his mouthful of pizza.

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

Katie flinched on impulse, leading to her choking on her drink and slamming the pouch down as she coughed violently. She felt a hand gently rub her back and saw the water bottle thrusted in her direction, hands moving on their own to open the cap before she took a few greedy gulps until she emptied out the whole thing.

She hadn’t meant to, really, so she turned in the direction of the angel who saved her.

“Thank you.” She said with a weak smile before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

“You alright?” Shiro asked, and his infamous dazzling smile was on his face while his hand continued rubbing circles on her back and Katie felt like she was gonna choke again.

“Yeah.” She said, internally wincing when it came out half an octave higher than she anticipated. She let out a cough to clear her throat, trying her best to ignore the weird way Lance was watching her every move.

I’ll just overload his car battery. Or hot wire his phone. Or better yet corrupt his laptop so he has to start his term paper from scratch. Ahh, the powers of technology.

“Sorry about your water.” She lifted it back for emphasis before setting it down on the table. “I’ll pay you back for it.”

“No need.” He said, hand reaching up to squeeze her shoulder.

“Not joining us for lunch?” Lance suddenly piped in. Katie threw him her best smiling death glare.

I’m gonna kill you in you sleep.

Only for the look to drop when she felt Shiro absently rubbing circles into her shoulder and she had to fight back a contented sigh from escaping her lips.

“Not today, guys.” He said, and Katie looked up at him. “Iverson needed me for something.”

The four at the table winced in sympathy. Shiro just shrugged. He turned to Katie and she could’ve sworn the look on his face softened, turned warmer into a look she just realized he only ever gave to her.

“I’ll see you later?”  

And just like that her higher brain function gave out on her, leaving her to manage a small nod in response.

Shiro’s hand went off her shoulder to give her an affectionate ruffle to her hair before waving goodbye and turn to the exit, and all she could do was stare at his back like a dumbass, taking in his straight posture and the defined back muscles she knew to be hidden under his shirt and letterman jacket and-

“Man,” Lance’s voice suddenly drawled out. “You really do have a thing for him.”

Katie kicks up to shove her heel into his other shin as hard as she can, then turns to Hunk with one of her sweetest smiles as Lance let out a howl of pain. “Anyways,” She didn’t miss the way Hunk and Keith practically flinched in place and smiled wider. 

“How’s practice going?”

am i ok when will i ever start posting a legit shidge fic i wonder 

[emo-boy-oliver-blog]

Life Update #37

Sup humans 

It’s Thursday today and it’s been a pretty good day, I had my drama exam today which meant I only had to go to school for an hour, I felt I went pretty well and now I only have one exam left tomorrow, music, I’m nervous for it coz I’m horrible at music but I’m too unmotivated to study rn, tbh I have barely studied for music, oops, bad idea, I’ll cram tonight.

My packer arrived on Monday night!! My first packer!! It doesn’t work that great without packing underwear but I’m gonna order some but ayy I have a dick now rite.

Tuesday was Halloween and I went as dead Tyler Joseph, it was a SUPER FUN cosplay and I went trick or treating with my mum, she wore a ‘scream’ mask and it was fun. We only went for about 15 minutes as she was super busy so I only got 9 candies but it was still cool. 

Yesterday I had Geography and History exams, I was super stressed about both of them but I went better than I expected. Not amazingly, but better than I expected. 

After exams I went to the psychiatrist for gender,that was an experience. I went with my mum and dad, we arrived and sat in the waiting room for a little bit, it smelt like hospital. There were a couple of rows of plain green chairs we sat on. The receptionist said my deadname as soon as I arrived which sucks but oh well. An older man walked up to greet us, saying my deadname, he wasn’t super tall and had grey hair and was wearing a button up shirt which was slightly too big. He led us all into his office which was a smaller room, he dragged another chair in so we could all sit down. He had his own desk with a spinny chair and it had a heap of figurine animals, mainly lions and zebras. Behind him there were three containers of kids toys and my parents and I sat on a small wooden chair each. He poured us a half glass of water each, my throat was dry but I was too anxious to drink any, I started tapping my leg anxiously and tapping my teeth with my hands. First of all he asked each of us individually stuff about ourselves, names, ages, hobbies, schools/jobs. This whole time everyone including him was using she/her pronouns for me which sucked. Then he asked everyone why we thought we were there, everyone explained their point of view but even AFTER I explained to him he still used she/her for me. Eventually I cut my parents off and said they were using the wrong pronouns, they never changed that, the psychiatrist eventually asked my parents if it was ‘okay with them’ to use he/him pronouns for be coz he ‘didn’t want to disrespect them’! What about me?! Anyways it got pretty emotional and I teared up coz we all talked about worries, concerns and the path we want to take regarding gender. I didn’t like some of the terms he used but it’s alright I guess. He was also one of those people who says ‘yeah’ while you’re talking repeatedly as a way of listening which kinda bugs me but not too much and he kept saying ‘one sec I have to make my brain work’ when he was thinking which I thought was kinda funny and I liked that. He was very matter of fact about things, didn’t show much emotion. It was beneficial I think and hopefully he can put me on to hormone blockers soon. I think the next appointment will be better because it’s just me and him. Two new things that kinda hurt I learnt in the appointment were that 1. My mum is nowhere near ready using he/him pronouns for me naturally and 2. My dad doesn’t want to use the right pronouns coz he’s not sure I’m sure. I try to explain, I wish they could just use the right damn pronouns it’s not permanent, it’s not like calling me he is gonna make me grow a dick. Anyways I’m done talking about the appointment now.

After the appointment I went to musical theatre which was super fun, I got to speak to my crush which was nice and I hung out with a heap of cool friends. We finished our super hard dance which is awesome and we started our second one for the concert, get lit! The people from Honk are having a party but I haven’t heard all the details coz I’m only in one of the chats and I’m highkey anxious lately so I’m not gonna go, I just don’t feel welcome, maybe I’m too young, idk

That’s all for now

Oliver