#anyways i think the reason that things like this still annoy me is that i chose not to say anything and just let him be a bitch about it
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I've had just one eye practically since birth (technically, since I was a few weeks old), and I'm just now noticing that I tend to lean on my sighted side a lot. Thanks OP.
Also, and idk if this is just me, but I freaking LOVE being IN the corner of a room- generally gives me a little bit less to worry about, I think.
Also also, since I've never had depth perception to begin with, it makes things like catching and throwing nearly impossoible- like, DOABLE, sure, but I can't aim for beans, and often my throws fall short.
And cupboards and glass doors are the bane of my existence. Very very often, I go to close one only for my hand to grasp air. It's such a little thing, and it's always been this way for me- and it's still annoying.
What's really funny is that even my own parents sometimes forget I can only see out of one side and don't have depth perception, dad especially, and will toss things to me or playfully pretend they're gonna cut my face (they never actually hurt me, but still, every time, it looks like they will). For much the same reason, I also dislike people who use wild, broad hand gestures as they talk.
ALSO also, and this is more a fun fact about me, but since I lost the sight of an eye so soon after being born, my OTHER eye adjusted so the focal point (so, where your pupil naturally rests) is in the inner corner, TOWARDS the blind eye. It makes it look like I'm constantly staring down my nose at people.
Anyway, thanks, OP, for making me feel seen (all puns intended).
writing advice for characters with a missing eye: dear God does losing an eyes function fuck up your neck. Ever since mine crapped out I've been slowly and unconsciously shifting towards holding my head at an angle to put the good eye closer to the center. and human necks. are not meant to accommodate that sorta thing.
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A partner in the dark.
Pairing: Logan x male reader
Request: Logan with a m!reader who has insomnia/just canāt sleep?? I canāt sleep, but Iām never sure if itās insomnia because other times I sleep just fine. maybe itās anxiety, idk - but sometimes I think all those problems would go away if I just had a big fluffy man to cuddle on, yāknow??
Warnings: none.
A/n: this might be the shortest fic I have ever written. This request is so unbelievably real. As always, be aware that my characterisation of Logan may be a little off as I'm still getting used to writing for him, and that there may be spelling mistakes and such as I can tend to miss them.
To the person that sent this in I hope this is what you were asking for, and that you enjoy it!
The same goes for everyone else!!
Logan masterlist.
The awareness of time had been lost. It had been hours at this point. The only certain thing was that the night had taken over the sky.
Your room was cascaded in the usual darkness, except for a few streams of the outside light that escaped through a parting of the curtains. Apparently they hadn't been closed right.
To put it simply, you were wide awake in a bed that practically served no purpose.Ā
Your eyes were stuck on the ceiling. There was no particular reason. I mean, there wasn't anything to look at anyway, it was just plain white. A shade that was really starting to get boring.
But alas, every attempt at peeling your gaze from it or even just shutting your eyes had failed. Similar to the effort to sleep.
Multiple times the rustling of the bed sheets would crackle through the air as your limbs shifted across the mattress, though the only thing really achieved was discovering a new position.
Eventually, your back was the last option left. So, there you were, stuck facing upward while your hands sat on top of each other on your chest. You could feel it rise and fall. Even the faintest beats of your heart.
And it still didn't work.
An exhale parted your lips after sucking in through your nose. There was one more try for comfort, your shoulders sort of rubbing into the bed as if they were the source of the problem.
āCan't sleep?ā
You blinked initially, the sound almost delayed in your ears as your senses werenāt as active as they were before.
Soon, your head loosely lolled to the side, at most an attempt to send a simple glance at the man. Though, it remained when you had met with his dark eye.Ā
Only one was on display; the other engulfed by the pillow. He lay opposite you, in more ways than one. He was on his stomach as he peered at you, eyelids visibly heavy; each blink lasted longer than the next.
āDid I wake you?ā you whispered.Ā
Logan sort of huffed at that, air piercing from his nose. āCould,ā he corrected through a grumble, āuntil some guy kicked me in the leg.ā
The side of your face fully pressed into your pillow, chin lowering, so that you could face him enough. āI did?ā You were cringing, concerned gaze fixating on Logan while he slowly but surely started to twist his body round with an equal amount of groans.Ā
There was almost a sigh of relief when he had landed on his back, his body bouncing just a tad from the sudden movement. āDonāt worry about it.ā he offered with some gruffness, his lack of energy seeming to affect his use of tone.Ā
It had you just looking at him for a moment. Watching the last few times he blinked before his eyes decided to stay closed. You hummed for a response, a sound so light it had barely even made its way through your throat.
And then you were back to facing that dreaded ceiling. It almost annoyed you by how smooth it looked. Didnāt even look like it had been painted, even if it had; there were no streaks or imperfections. Just purely white.
āWhatās wrong?ā
This time, you didnāt budge. āNothing.ā you practically whispered. āYou sure?ā Logan was quick to ask, seeming to shuffle around a little bit as the bed creaked, āI personally donāt find a ceiling all that interesting.ā
The tensity in your muscles eased, especially in your face, when you allowed your head to turn. Yet again.
He was looking at you through almost half lidded eyes. Though, his eyebrows were raised, inviting your answers. You sighed, trying to think of the right words to use before your lips inevitably parted.Ā
āMy brainās too loud.ā
It was the only way you could describe it. I mean, the room engulfing the two of you was silent. Completely silent. There were no sounds of birds from outside, or wind. Not even a car driving passed on the road.Ā
If a pin had been dropped in any corner of the room, maybe even right down the hallway, you would have heard it. Thus, it was all from your head.Ā
Logan seemed to sit up a little at that. The movement wasnāt so much in his body than it was his head as it raised slightly from the pillow beneath. āDāyou wanna talk about it?ā
You couldāve pictured the expression on his face if you hadnāt already been looking at it; the furrowing of his eyebrows, the squint of his eyes, the light frown that dragged the corners of his lips. Now, he was awake.Ā
You shook your head, as much as you could in your position. āItās just annoying.ā you confessed, grabbing onto Loganās hand when he reached over.
Initially it was aimed towards your face, but you held it instead. You needed something in your hand; to feel it. āIām so tired, but when I try to sleep nothing happens, you know?ā
āItās the one thing I should be able to doā like everyone else, and I justā¦ I canāt. I canāt get myself to stop thinking.ā
Loganās other hand came up from somewhere under the sheet, dragging along the bedding until it could finally make contact with your face. An exhale instinctively huffed through your nose at the touch, and the feeling of his warm fingers. He caressed along your cheekbone. āCome here.ā
You stared back at him for a moment, his features barely visible in the few streams of light until it got to his shining eyes.
Logan let go of you for a moment, grabbing at the dog tags around his neck before pulling it to the side. And then he held his arms out, proving that he meant it.
You complied.
Your head ended up landing on his chest, mostly because he guided it there himself, and it was almost instantly that your body melted onto his.
You could feel his arms encasing you, finding their wanted positions just like yours were, though eventually his hands had settled around your shoulders.
His heartbeat was right in your ear; the slow rhythm of it, the thuds themselves. Truthfully, even if none of this helped you to sleep, you still wouldnāt mind listening to it until the sun came up.Ā
āThereās nothing to worry about now,ā Logan insisted with a breath that raised you with his chest. He pressed a kiss to your head before leaning his chin against it, āIt can wait until morning.ā
āI canāt just shut my mind off, Loganāā
āIt can wait.ā he maintained, tightening his hold on you as he shifted slightly on the bed.Ā
It had you wanting to roll your eyes. To shake your head, maybe even roll off of him completely, but there was something about it that made it impossible to do so.Ā
You were surrounded by his warmth. His arms. Him. He had given his body to lean on, and offered the sound of his heart right to you; a sound you donāt get to hear very often. There was no chance that you were moving.Ā
By the next exhale, your head had sunk further into the bare skin of his chest. The two of you practically melded together.Ā
Your fingers lightly traced along the back of his arm, following the edge of his muscles as the sound of his breaths filled your ears. āThank you.ā you whispered after a moment, finally letting your eyes fall closed.
āNo need.ā
#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett x male reader#wolverine#wolverine x reader#wolverine x male reader#x men
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Canāt even lie man Iāve been offline all day and i immediately went to your blog to read your takes on the session and Pearl n gem n co. after watching some wild life. Thanks for having the best takes lol
genuinely, itās an honour. crazy to me that anyone would come to this blog for good takes, they never make any sense and iām always suspiciously resentful towards c!scott. iāll take this opportunity to lay out my gempearl thoughts as well
first of all, it drives me insane the way pearl usually goes along with whatever scott and cleo says, but the only thing she consistently, and has repeatedly, contradicted them on is that sheās been antagonising gem. in fact at the start of the session scott poked her about it again and she laid out a short monologue to assert that his claims were invalid. funnily enough she goes back on this a few seconds later saying that āiāll make her have a reason to hold that grudgeā which honestly is not helping her case. however if gem can make vague threats about impulse i donāt see why pearl canāt do the same. womenās wrongs and all that.
and then after that scott tells impulse and pearl to apologise to gem and joel. again, itās a bit odd to me how they keep harping on this bit, but every time they do, all they do is scold impulse for rightfully constantly accusing gem over the cows, and then impulse apologises, yet pearl is still implicated (for NOTHING). pearl did protest this point earlier that she was ājust existingā, scott counters that āi donāt know what youāve done but youāve annoyed herā, so ākeep your distanceā.
and to think that the argument only happened because scott made a throwaway comment about a ārequestā he had for pearl if she wanted a life from him. i feel like he meant it as a funny aside and expected pearl to just shut up and take it, but pearl never shuts up and takes it so thatās the problem there.
also, on secret life: pearl argues that she was right to ally with scar, which like, okay, fair enough, but scott says that āit takes timeā and that ālook weāre togetherā iām not sure why heās under the perception that GGG is in anyway functional or healthy considering he himself is trashtalking impulse and pearl with gem geminitay (ok sorry iām just salty over him being buddy buddy with gem). at one point cleo goes āwe have to be enablersā (lowkey incorrect because pearl hasnāt done anything, you canāt enable someone to just do nothing, but i appreciate the sentiment) and pearl just starts. throwing eggs at the ground. really funny out of context.
now for the actual gempearl interaction (we get like one and a half per episode iām actually starving). theyāre so obsessed with each other. trust me i said so. pearl beelining to gem to say āhi gem! :Dā and gem beelining to pearl to punch her and say āgo home pearlā oh they make me ill i feel like theyāre just constantly on each otherās minds. the problem is that we havenāt gotten a good gempearl interaction because when theyāre near each other their allies are also hanging around, so it always ends up with gem getting glazed by scott or pearl getting distracted by bigb or something like that. itās such a pity because gem specifically went to find the 4Gsā base but she went to the old one instead of the new one where pearl was hanging around so we could have potentially gotten a 1 on 1 shiny duo interaction this session (iām not sure about the timeline there) but we DIDNāT because gemās not talked to the 4Gs enough to know that they moved bases. grrr.
and then gem drops the anger for a bit to encourage pearl to kill grian. i have NO idea what thatās about, i feel like sheās just into bloodthirst in general but what it does remind me of is her trying to convince pearl to kill the ender dragon in SL, coincidentally, when pearl was impulseās butler. and now sheās encouraging pearl to carry out what impulse wants. i donāt know. maybe her type is murderers and sheās trying to give pearl a chance. or something
anyway as for the other half an interaction where gem finds etho pearl and cleo at her base, gem reverts back to loudly disparaging pearl within earshot. i feel like sheās nailed āex who really wants you to know that youāre exesā, and pearl getting so indignant about it she canāt even form a sentence for a few seconds is great actually. might be a reach but whether on hermitcraft or life series, pearl tends to stumble over her words a lot when directly challenged by gem, which is probably just because sheās thinking hard on what to say and is sleep deprived half the time. but i find it pretty telling that pearl doesnāt say anything back to gem and just. leaves. itās very obvious sheās still down bad for gem in a way but gem is intentionally making it very hard for pearl to remain so.
last paragraph. when joel visits pearl at their new base, joel is happy that pearl called his build a car and said she liked it (pearl likes cars fork found in kitchen). so joel and pearl are on good terms, which i expect would lead to interesting dynamics but at the same time joel would definitely follow gemās lead over maintain that friendship but still his perception of pearl now is positive. so thatās intriguing
song of the day is down bad by taylor swift. trust me guys they want each other so bad
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staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?
šŖšŖšŖšŖšŖšŖšŖšŖšŖšŖ their moms 69%
šŖšŖšŖšŖšŖšŖšŖ their dads 31%
grace image os i get to look at her
#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the#first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post#for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !!#bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke š but still i tihnk its kinda funny#EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically#also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am#anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things#also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode#i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep#and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves#also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc#id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever#it wld b fun !!!#oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically#a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday#ya !! :3#flappy rambles#inaccessible#ask to tag#(<- idk. just in case)
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Something I like about Leo is that heās honestly really chill? Itās easy to remember the moments where heās being obnoxious or excitable but I feel like most of the time heās incredibly āgo with the flowā and has an overall ļæ¼affable demeanor.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#Genuinely speaking I feel like said demeanor is incredibly useful for when he has to charm and/or persuade people into listening to himļæ¼#I have a whole post talking about Leoās charm and how he consistently gets people to hear him out even if heās annoyed or upset them#like theyāll still listen to what he has to say in full#his charisma stat is real and utilized quite often in this series I swear heās not just a loser cringeboy all the time š#if he wants to persuade and/or charm then he honestly sooo often does#me listing the 400th reason why Leo grows up to be the worlds best ninja and a good 365 of those reasons are Leoās various subterfuge skill#Like most episodes where heās not the main focus (and even many where he is)#heās a voice of reason who notices things quickly and is often the one taking point to talk down situations#something interesting I found between Leo and Mikey is that#Mikey tells people what they need to hear#Leo tells people what they want to hear#not only out of his own agenda either#when bullhop was wrecking their home leo was the one that negotiated to make the situation go smoother#even if he would have rather bullhop left#meanwhile Mikey is the one who bluntly tells things as it is#small character moment that means a lot to me#Mikey is an honest boy who is upfront about his feelings#Leo prefers to let people make their own decisions he wants them to through steering the convo in that direction#but he is easily cowed by guilt#regardless leo is a people person - he knows how to talk to them and how to manipulate/persuade#and I like that his bros know this and often push him forward to do the talking if they wanna charm someone into doing what they want#I think Leoās hope speeches are also an example of this - heās saying what people really want to hear (and often itās ALSO what they NEED)#the further the series goes on the higher Leoās inner stress rises and he just keeps that chill aura anyway#thereās a reason!!! he wanted to go to a SPA so badly!!#literally the first thing he does when he gets in is rest#no joke meditation would do him good? like- itās a Leo thing and I genuinely think rise leo would be no different here
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there is something so so so Appealing about angry/irritated Barnaby. it scratches an itch in my brain. somethin somethin comic relief characters getting to break their mold and be outwardly unhappy
#plus it just looks... Nice on him yk yk#i sat down to do a lil character study and Next Thing I Knew barns was ready to Throw Down#still tweaking how i draw him... still not fully satisfied#except for the center scribble#theres a reason its on its own. its my fav of the bunch#and also the happiest ive been with a scribble in a While!#everybody hold on im shifting into barnaby mode#kidding kidding. maybe. we'll see how i feel tomorrow#scribble salad#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#welcome home fanart#barnaby b beagle#i like how i keep cycling through which neighbor im Focusing on#lately its been howdy but all this laughingstock is making me š @ barnaby#still patiently waiting for my brain to seize poppy in its white-knuckle grip#please. please. i do not control the Motivation but god i wish i did#still. anyway. angy barnaby. fuck yeah. hes great.#i think i saw that one uhhhh drawing of clown's of barns looking mildly annoyed#and thats probably what made me go Oh I Love This. This Is Incredible. I Think About This Every Day.#he deserves to be upset. as a Treat#all comic relief characters should have a free 'choose violence' ticket
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Not to be rude, but I just read your bio, and did you not draw Chasriel nsfw? I checked and it seems as though you've gotten it taken off of e621 in the last few months, which is good, but I'm a little curious if you're hypocritical now and just trying to hide it, or you've stopped drawing such things entirely.
WTFFF BRUHHH I HAVE NEVER MADE NSFW IN MY LIFE!!! BUT ALSO CHASRIEL IS FUCKING GROSS!!!!! EWWW THOSE ARE SIBLINGS AND ALSO KIDS,,,,, WITH WHO TF ARE YOU CONFUSING ME WITH TOO???HUHH??? AND WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS e621????
ALSO WHY ARE YOU CALLED LIKE THAT, IM NOT TURNING EVER ANON BACK ON IF IM GOING TO GET THINGS LIKE THIS LMAO
#like huhhhh#i think my art style is also like unique enough so im so confused on who are you even confusing me with#are you blind?#no way someone has a close enough art style to mine to get confused like thatttt#but also ewwwwwww ugh#this annoys me to hell bro#I HATE THE PEOPLE THAT DRAW THINGS LIKE THAT#ask#FUCK YOU ANON ALSO DO YOUR RESEARCH BEFORE CALLING ME THESE THINGS EW EW EW#edit:#okay anon said that they saw that drawing very quickly and instead focused on the name it was credited for#aparently it was credited to me for whatever reason and aparently is no longer up#which is good never credit me wrongly me in weird shit like that ew i hope the worst to whoever did that shit#i still think anon should have asked me personally instead of straight up assuming i would make something like that#anyways#i hope this does not happen again and also just as a reminder i would NEVER make weirdo shit i truly hate that stuff so much#oh and also i only post in the socials in my carrd i still have no fucking idea where anon saw that art that supposedly was credited to me
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MADE EDITS i couldn't stop thinking about their outfits and like,, the aspects i liked and thought felt very winx and in line with the individual characters and the aspects i Hated and thought sucked dookie SO i made some edits :)
biggest changes are to musa, aisha, and stella! actually changed the clothes there. flora and tecna i just adjusted the colors (in flora's case to further unwhitewash her and saturate her clothing more and in tecna's case to bring back her pink hair and green and cyan).
explanations on changes below!
I'll start with the simpler edits!
For Tecna, I just wanted to play around with her og colors lol I actually LOVE her new look and I would love to see this be the final design!! It's SO tecna and fits in with the rest of the winx i love it soo much :') I do think they should bring back her pinker hair though! And again, would love to see the green and cyan make an appearance. I feel like neon green is just very classy techy character. And while it is cliche, I do love it akjgd plus I think it looks good on her and makes the other colors stand out more imo! (but maybe this new, pinker look will make people like her more idk :') justice for tecna my beloved :'))
For Flora, I darkened her skin more for obvious reasons. And then I added more saturation to the colors and added back the warmer tones they took out. Imo, the darker, desaturated, and cooler toned look for Flora only works in very specific circumstances. Color theory rainbow!! Bring back the brightness! The color!! The warmth!!
Which brings me to Stella ohmygod,,, please,,,, please stop desaturating her she looks so pale and sick and lifeless STOP please :') Anyway lol, obviously brought back the brighter orange! I also took away the random sleeve. It's cute but it just didn't feel very Stella at the time? The tube top look is Very Classic Stella (very much giving s3 casual but in orange). Tbh, I don't love the dress itself, but I do think it looks better once you add more of Stella's colors. I also tanned her skin more and made her hair more yellow + brighter! Just like with Flora, color theory is important for media!! This Stella design just does Not give sunny, optimistic character. It's giving the gap (aka BORING aljdhg)
Aisha's design stumped me for a bit, I won't lie. I couldn't figure out exactly what I didn't like. But I got it!! One, way too symmetrical imo. Yes, Aisha does have some very symmetrical looks, but like 80% of her looks are very asymmetrical. I also didn't love that it didn't incorporate more of Aisha's powers. It really just went for *vaguely sporty* and didn't try to bring anything else to the table. And some people might say that Aisha's og looks were like that too, but I disagree! They told a story! She's a brave adventurer, a dancer, a princess, etcetc!! This tells me "oh yeah this girl might like to do yoga. cool."
Anyway! So I made Aisha's pants baggier because let's be fucking real for a sec. Changed the design on the pants slightly to make it asymmetrical and incorporated a wave design. Took away that bottom shiny fabric of her shirt. I tried to keep it but it just wasn't looking great with the pants changes tbh. Added small waves to the bottom and made it one shoulder! Also added her classic little circle wave design 1. because it's cute and 2. so Musa wouldn't feel so out of place with a design. Tbh, I still don't love the pants... I think maybe that hem could be higher?
For Musa! I've spoken about this before but I do not like the bodysuit. I liked the concept and the vibe it brings, but it looks So uncomfortable and s1 Musa was alllll about being comfortable. It's why so many people think she hates wearing dresses (even though she doesn't). So I kept the vibe, but changed it to the same mesh that's on her right arm! Which like!! I didn't even see that until I started the edit!! It's so,,, unnoticeable which like,, isn't a bad thing? But also? I think the mesh being on her stomach too makes the design as a whole a little more balanced (and it's a nice callback to her og magic winx!). As for the color changes, really just wanted to go back to her reds and dark blues. I don't Hate the color scheme, but I also don't love it. And I think this feels a lot more like Musa yknow? Also darkened her hair cause fuck that dude
Anyway lol it's not the best edit so don't look too hard :') I just wanted to explore what I liked about the designs and what I didn't. We did get to see a little bit of Bloom's casual, but I want to wait until we get a closer look to speak on it/make edits. Also tbh, I don't really love Flora's outfit but I didn't want to completely redesign her and I concede that this is something she would wear (although it feels more like s4 cowgirl time/s5 casual and not s1 new student time but Fine). For now, I'm gonna pretend the trailer showed us my edit of Stella and not what it really showed. I can't get pale pinterest stella out of my head,,, aggghhhh
#tbh i don't love stella being monochrome that much but trust me the pink wasn't working#as a whole though the goal was to make it feel more like Them and make them feel more individual!!#as others have mentioned.. the constant baby pink is Sooo annoying and it makes them blend together way too much#its not a cohesive vibe its just 'here lets all wear pink for no fucking reason'#but anyway while i don't Love stella being all orange i feel like it doesnt stand out tooo badly thanks to tecna#also again i still really hate aisha's pants :') idk they look SO off to me#the wave was a big brain moment but i fear not even that could save her#i think im gonna do another edit for her later!#anyway. thoughts? comments? concerns?#tbh i am loving seeing all the positivity toward the new outfits#like yes ive seen my fair share of hate but i feel like fans are genuinely looking forward to this#and keeping an open mind even with the things they don't love!#i love that :') we haven't had that in the winx fandom since like.. world of winx maybe... and even that had a lot of hate#because of the whitewashing especially which valid but even smaller things that were just Different#so its really nice to see people so genuinely excited and looking forward to it!! its probably helping the morale at rainbow lol#winx club#mine.edits#mine.art#winx club spoilers#kind of i still dont know if these are Final designs but im going to treat them as such since we're getting closer to the release
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People compare Fenris to Astarion and. Okay white hair and freedom arcs aside I strongly disagree. Fenris is only annoying with me when I help mages, on account of his pain and suffering being caused by a mage. Astarion is pissed at me if I help kids on account that I should not help the weak :) they are not the same.
#astarion would not nearly annoy me as much if he didnt also expect me to help him#like my dude! youre an ass the only reason I help you is that im trying to help everyone who isnt outright trying to kill me!#like logically if I acted the way he wanted#aka not helping the weak#i would not fucking help him either#anyway he is growing on me and Im enjoying his backstory i just#wish I could bully him and still be nice to him at the same time#like get in loser we're gonna kill cazador but also i should get to make fun of him for being a vain douche#like those things can coexist#anyway#i dont like the comparison i think its a disservice to both their characters#byeeeee#dragon age#baldur's gate 3
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do you ever get pissed off thinking about something that pissed you off years ago. today i canāt stop thinking about the time that my friend got annoyed at me n some of my other friends for bringing up the times (plural) that he had sex while we were in the room. like not to victim blame but if you donāt want us talking about you having sex while we were right next to you maybe you shouldnāt have had sex while we were right next to you
#we were making jokes about it and he had the Audacity to get pissy about it. girl#personally i think he got off light since we chose to make jokes instead of actually getting mad#not to bring all my personal drama to tumblr but this guy is kind of an asshole and āfriendā is a strong word#i stopped liking him as a person like 5 years ago#but weāre in a friend group together so i simply choose to let it go and play nice š#anyways i think the reason that things like this still annoy me is that i chose not to say anything and just let him be a bitch about it#i didnāt start pointless drama and now iām suffering for it š#basically every time i choose not to start a fight the fight i didnāt start haunts me forever#remember kids. āpick your battlesā means you have to pick every battle you see and never stop fighting and be a generally unpleasant person
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dsm really is like well about every other PD is determined by abuse, neglect, poor relationships and bad experiences as a child, and trauma. narcissistic personality disorder is largely defined by a desperate terrified need to never seem weak or like a failure and hunger for praise and approval. who tf knows what causes it tho
#vic talks#was reading the dsm-v-tr for character reasons and of course had to check out my own entry#which is. not very good#'pwNPD are soooo entitled and arrogant and they think they're so SPECIAL and you'll probably notice them#because they're huge jerks. anyway their actions stem from a feeling of utter emptiness#an inability to sustain their own self-worth and vicious self-criticism. did we mention#they're more likely than other disorders to commit suicide successfully? like with a plan?#anyway those who relate to them usually find them emotionally cold or disinterested and they're so invested in status amirite'#'they often usurp special privileges and resources they think they deserve' <- me stealing granola bars from work as a teen#i mean at least there's acknowledgement of the internal side of things#and there's a small note of 'often they have low empathy but they can have cognitive empathy'#but it feels like it meshes awkwardly with the 'symptom: HUGE ASSHOLES ALL THE TIME ugh they're probably really annoying. we don't know y'#side of things#anyway much love to the HPDs (also no speculation on Y Are They Like This)#and my ASPDs (must suck to have the Is A Criminal diagnosis)#very happy that my BPDs are getting a bit more fleshed out sympathetic stuff in their entry even tho you still deal with lots of shit
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tbf i do think the story could have given the wol more of a connection to it/the antagonist outside of solely through wuk lamat and that probably would have alleviated a lot of pplās problems with it
#they did this in hw and sb which is how you still feel like the main character while aiding someone else#at least thatās how it felt to me lol#i donāt think itās bad to want to be the mc in a game where you have been it since the beginning ahdhdjsk#i need a text post tag#like the only reason you fight sphene is bc sheās like we calculated youāre the best fighter#dawntrail spoilers#also i did think we were gonna get more erenville and krile so many times in the first half i was like can i take a little trip with them š„ŗ#only to get sent to wuk lamat again ahdjdk but i do like her. i can see why she would be annoying tho#like if youāre not into characters whose political campaigns are āhappinessā agshdjskdk#idk thereās a lot of ppl who arenāt into super happy upbeat characters and i think thatās fine. iām not one of those ppl but i get it#also i donāt think the only way to do this would be like oh a foreigner exploring an exotic world OMG TACOS#contrary to some popular posts iāve seen lmao. surely we can be more creative than that#also there was a ton of OMG TACO in it already#anyway. ahdjfkks#one day iāll make a post about things i really did enjoy#maybe i should think about that today
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Something really funny that's occurred to me is the way Joe talks about Maccie is like she's some catastrophic event that happened to their family "I can't believe she's been here that long." / "Everything's been different since she was born" / "Everything changed." / "She changed everything."
And it's just rlly funny to me. I want to up the dramaticness of his words at some point. And anyway, he's talking to the Samurai/Ronin for the first time and I'm wondering the impression he's getting lmao
Joe is certainly expressive to me, but only when he's given the chance. And I think w Ronin, he just started letting a lot of stuff out bc thus guy is gonna go on his way anyways.. but then he's like wait!!! Actually let me go?? For a little? (Platonic yearning so bad)
Ronin like ć^. "I suppose.. Alright, curious karate man, I'll accompany you a little longer."
Or something I'm messing around UGH
#the reason everything changed is bc joes mother passed away either shortly after Maccies birth or during#that started the strain w joe and sr but they also had.. her yk? its just sillay#dysfunctional karate family ily <3#sr isnt a terrible father he is just narrow sighted and firmly believes he knows best. he doesnt give his kids the room to grow- but he#really loves them. he just wants to protect them in a way i think.. he just lost his wife and i think that made his parenting way more#overbearing. buT ALSO. JOE JUST BEEFS W MACCIE BC YK SJXNXNX theyre siblings#espexially when they were younger. teen joe is sooo funny to me. teen angst ft this baby i dont want in my room KGLZLGKXMVKKC#in current theyre much much closer and Joe has remained Maccie's favorite person. but Joe still gets really annoyed / tired of her sometime#SRRY ugh ily karate family#also also ronin and maccie dynamic so real. i like ronin being patient with children. except maccie is wayyyy more antagonizing to him than#like my oc the lost girl. so fun!!!! sorry#karate maccie#rh head canon#< new tag#karate joe#sr isnt a bad dad on purpose agenda. sr could have the possibility to apologize and fix things one day.#maccies only ever known this version of her father and she doesnt have the capaxity to try and forgive him for certain things joe will#maccie is the golden child but she is also the problem child. she uses her favor to her advantage and to rile up her dad sometimes#just bevause she can and she has a little bit of a problem with him sometimes bc.. you know? shes a very ambitious teen and she doesnt wsnt#to be shackled..... and she doesnt like thinking of Joe as that way and UGH#i love them im normal#to elaborate a tiny bit more i hc joe as having chronic fatigue like myself. hes low spoons and he pushes himself despite it.#but his disability holds him back sometimes snd its like.. you know? he doesnt want to be the weak memver of the family so he keeps pushing#but he also cares about karate too. its not something negative to him. and stuff. even if its hard. its avtually good for his body / health#when he doesnt overexert himself anyway
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while the only redeeming quality of love god really is the stan joke, it does emphasize how bad mabel is at matchmaking and also how much romance sucks actually
#the end to it still feels weird!!! and going 'oh but actually its all ok!!!' in supplementary materials doesn't make it feel any better!!!!#altho hilariously that means the snadger are soulmates all along#....ok 2 there are 2 redeemable things about that ep cos it gave ford that other hilarious mabel drawing in tots#anyway robbie's actual issue is that he was a terrible boyfriend!!! and didn't respect wendy at all!!!!#he let his insecurities get in that way and he constantly felt threatened by a kid!!!! rebounding off someone else fixes none of this!!!!!#also i have soooo much beef with the northwest ep especially cos of the mabel b plot#she and her friends deserve better than this???? romance in this show sucks!!!!!!#like the a plot isnt inherently bad but what it ended up sprouting into annoys me!!!!#(also the mood of 'dipper shouldve just gotten mabel and the girls out and ran lol')#(the ep needing the 4 of them to get attacked otherwise a lot of folks wouldnt give a shit about the ghost)#anyway another reason why bill sucks is cos he ended up undoing preston's face that coward#too bad those eps are necessary just so robbie and paz are on friendlier terms with the pines#(but meanwhile a wendy ep is too much to ask for :////)#also thinking about how mabel's love crazy phase is relatively new....#one day she'll get better taste in ships#i wonder how much the disney censors were shaking at the wompers joke#cos part of them being like 'NOOOOO THATS TWO GUYS' but also like. thats a pig duct taped to a goat.#they were probably pissed at mabel having a pride sweater on tho#roadside attraction was poorly timed and having it be all about being pickup artistry kinda sucks#but its still way better than love god lol at least we have dipper and stan bonding moments and candy got a hero moment#also stan no longer being sensitive about his brand
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why is pete wentz important to me?? like him, i was a non white kid who grew up in a very white neighborhood in the chicagoland area and it was exhausting and isolating and so so so lonely it could make your teeth hurt. like him, iām bipolar and no one has ever quite gotten close to describing what my highs and lows are like, but heās the only one who has gotten close. (do you know what it's like being so so so manic and you know you're not okay and everything rushes around you and you feel like you're on top of the world but you know it's all a lie? an illusion? do you know what it feels like to plummet down so so so so deep and dark and there's nothing but you and that gaping ache inside of you, reminding you just how hollow and fake you are?) like him, i grew up enthralled and obsessed with rock, punk, the hardcore scene of chicago, and there was nothing and no one there for people like me and people who looked like me in a place and sound that i loved more than anything on earth. i saw him reflected in me and in the most non creepy parasocial way possible, he has been one of the most incredible influences of my life. maybe even one of the possible sunshines of my lifetime for all he is still a stranger to me, and i to him.
#for legal reasons as a joke ā weāre also both bi.#but he means the WORLD to me. forever and always.#do NOT try to come at me with pete wentz slander i will kill you. sorry for not shutting up about this. im just incredibly annoyed.#he's not infallible. he's made so many mistakes in his life. and im not excusing any of them but you know#i wonder why pete gets SO much virulent hate and always has. might be the racism and ableism. but who knows. not me!#anyways stream mania by american rock band fall out boy (2018). legit life changing fucking album. also stream#their newest album so much (for) stardust. actually stream all their albums they're all so so so so good. i don't know who i'd be or where#i'd be without em. fall out boy forever and ever<3 fall out boy is for lovers<3#also one last thing: you don't need to like him! you don't need to like fob either! it's just so so so wild the way misinfo about pete#specifically still exists. in fucking 2023. like get a fucking grip babes i was deep in those fucking forums in 2008 i know what's up.#okay. i hope you guys are ready im going to spam patrick images i think. what can i say. i miss them without a concert to look forward to.
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I mean this from a social perspective not a health one : why does everything feel weird right now. Like yes Iām heartbroken about the reality of my position in the lives of my so called friends but now I just feel confused. I donāt understand why Iām not important and why I canāt change to be important to others, nor what makes a person important either.
#like okay yeah Iāve been lowkey crying in the middle of the night because of how unimportant I feel but thatās down pat now we get it#I just want to know why am I not ? like am I doing something wrong ? I couldāve sworn Iām trying my best to not be annoying frustrating and#to be there but the reality of things is that I canāt always be there given my condition#sometimes I wonder how hard it is to ask me a simple āare you okayā or āhow are youā or god forbid that I am missed lmao pls fniesksn ignore#the last one I think thatās too much but at least the other two#I donāt want to tell people to ask me these because then it feels fake and that theyāre doing it just for the sake of getting me to shut up#about it but I donāt know#dora daily#a reason why I hate insta with my whole life because it just never fails to prove how worthless I really am#like I couldāve died yk ā¦ and itād still be the sahara desert there#anyways I like being alone a lot something Iāve found out about myself#(I hate it actually but I only like it because I cannot make myself do anything like even talking seems so very exhausting so I can manage#with the loneliness when Iām ill but I canāt cope with it when Iām even a smidge better)#sigh.#just sigh. where did I get my friends from and why does everyone seem to love their friends so much but I cannot#donāt get me wrong I talk about how much I love them to everyone and if I donāt I obsess abt them in my head but it is not reciprocated to#be honest. not at all#and thatās what makes me sad. I still love them because I love unconditionally it seems#but from a conditional viewpoint they do not cut it#and that makes me disappointed#thatās why Iād kill to be loved or heck even remotely liked the way I like others even half of that yk#I am not a good person in my eyes but I would do so much just to be liked like that I wish I knew why Iām not worth being liked only worthy#of being tolerated.
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