#anyways i have so many feelings about this as you can possibly tell

[iiotic]

TWO WRONGS, DONT MAKE IT RIGHT, AFTERALL

summary: your relationship with wanderer is complicated, friends? friends with benefits? partners? enemies? definitely not the last one, yet you don't know the answer to that question.

tw: modern au, female reader, swearing, suggestive, ooc wanderer?? sexual topics, wanderer is taller than you, not proff read, lowercase intended, poorly written, cringe, if you'll find more please tell me!! MDNI | wc: 1.4k

"what are we?" the question hovers your mind hundreds and thousands times already, yet none of you two are brave enough to ask about it. pheraps in wanderers case its his pride?

instead, you just keep everything.. flowing. one time, he'll be as sweet as sugar and the next day he's as cold as ice. it's not the first time you bumped into him him with another woman and its not the first time he caught you flirting with another man.

one day, you're sitting in a cafe across the street from the university. you took a deep breath, scrolling through the social media mindlessly with your head in the clouds as you were lost in your thoughts. until a tall male took a seat infront of you.

a very known tall male with his signature dark blue hair and violet eyes, wearing a black shirt with some sweatpants for today.

"hello there" he greeted you, teasingly.

you looked up at him from your phone, an unpleasant expression formed on your face as you remembered the events that accured last night. as you were coming back from the local library you found him and some random chick making out in an alley way.

you obviously didn't care, why would you? its not any of your business who he fucks. you grumbled a greeting before looking back at your phone again, hoping that he can leave as soon as possible.

he gave you a subtle smile, while scanning your face. you were so lost in your thoughts, staring at your phone, that he was able to take a good look at you without disturbance.

"what's up with that face?" he asked, leaning his back on the chair.

"what's up with you."

his stupid signature smirk formed on his lips. you know him as well as he did with you. he knows your mood. he knows the possibility of whats bugging you inside, and him seeing you frown and pout like this, clearly means something is irritating you. however he decided not to push it.

"nothing much. just thought i'd stop by here." he responded casually. "and see you."

"why don't you stop by somewhere else where your woman is."

"i dont have a woman." he almost chuckled at your sassy remarks. "though, i do have a date in 30 minutes." he answered bluntly, giving you a glance before focusing his attention on the waitress.

he didn't look like he was going on a date, more like going to dig trash to find something to eat, but then not finding anything and starving to death.

"even better, how many woman have you seen this month.." you said, it was clearly a rhetorical question. you opened your mouth to say something but a waitress cut you off.

"may i take your order?" you looked at wanderer who seemed deep in thoughts before starting ordering a bunch of things. he stopped and then the waitress turned to you, you quickly dismissed her saying that you don't want anything. she looked confused at first as she thought you guys were on a date but walked away not questioning anything anyway.

"i thought you were going on a date in 30 minutes, why are you ordering so much, hell, why are you ordering anything at all?" you questioned him, clearly irritated by his doing and his presence here.

"i am." he answered bluntly, once again. not adding anything not even looking at you anymore.

the awkward silence accured, nor you nor wanderer saying anything to break it. 15 minutes passed and the food was put on your table, that you booked for yourself tonight, that you were supposed to enjoy alone.

"say, are you jealous that im going on a date?" he said finally breaking the silence, yet at the same time offending you.

"excuse me? i feel bad for all of the hearts that you've broken, these poor woman.." you said defending yourself and feeling pity for all of the females he hooked up with then just leave them feeling worthless, you glared at him as he started laughing, clearly not taking you seriously.

"please, they all know better that im not exactly into commitment. they know im not worth breaking their hearts. they just want to enjoy the ride, one night and nothing more."

"well, have fun with your new date." you said standing up and heading to the door. you heard enough from him, you had enough of him. you didn't care about him nor his sex life, then why did your eyes watered as you waddled to the exit?

"dont be so cold like that, im hurt!" he yelled, chuckling. that were the last words you heard from him before leaving the building.

why did the truth hurt? why did you care? why were you crying right now? your making messed up as you waited for your taxi to your apartment. yet deep down you knew that you're just as bad as he is, just as terrible as his actions; you thought as you rode the taxi driver, desperately needing a stress reliever.

the morning after yesterdays incident of bumping into eachother, you found yourself in bed with another man. was it the taxi driver? you thought, before leading him to the front door in only his boxers. the answer was positive. you kicked him iut of the house, before seeing that there's a package in front of your front door that he almost stepped on.

quickly picking it up and closing the door behind you, ignoring the taxis driver screams. you walked into your kitchen, looking for the scissors to open it. the package was medium size, not too small yet big enough to fit a cat.

you slowly, precisely opened the package not knowing whats inside. it didn't have a label on it, it could've been a bomb but you were met with a small box with a muffin from the cafe you were at yesterday, it was your favourite in fact and an small piece of paper that had something written on it.

"read your messages"

thats it? nothing more? just read your messages? you pulled out your phone to find 8 unread messages from kuni, 7 of the first ones were deleted, the latest one saying "sorry ig"

it was so stupid. then why did you caught yourself smiling at the sight? maybe you'll forgive him or maybe you've already forgave him.

if you were so mad at him then why did you talk with him the entire evening?

© 2024 iiotic. — do not steal, translate or repost any of my content onto any other platform

this is so cringe, might delete it later

[lemotmo]

I'm not sure how you feel about getting these anymore but I thought this was hilarious so wanted to share for you at least to read even if you don't want to post. 😊

Q. I really was trying to hold onto the belief that the show wasn't going to make Eddie gay but it's really hard to see what other storyline is possible given those latest Ryan interviews. I would love to say gay or not the show would just keep Buck and Eddie as platonic best friends but there is zero chance of the show not pairing them together. They really did just use my man as filler until they were ready to tell the Eddie story. That's so gross.

A. Well, anon that's the point of a plot device. Their only reason for being is to move a larger story forward. By definition their filler characters. They have no individual significance or purpose. Their purpose is the story they're being used in. I've been telling you this for months now. Many of us have. He was never going to be anything more than a plot device. The show wasn't subtle about it either. It's been pretty much a connect the dots picture of plot device usage. Go back and watch his scenes in season 7 with this new found realization and I promise it will not be hard to see. And I agree, especially with the context the latest Ryan interviews gave, there's really not any other story it could be. He also confirmed they're not turning him into the new Bobby, and he's not siding with Gerard. So it was nice of him to debunk the latest round of ridiculous takes during the interview. If I could offer you a suggestion though I would encourage you to give the story a chance. If you pay attention to Eddie, and not your fandom people telling you to hate him, you will like him. After all there's a reason you all tried to hijack his entire backstory and history for Tommy. Let yourself enjoy the character those things actually belong too. Let yourself enjoy the actual story.

Oh Nonny! I feel joyous and happy whenever I get another of these posts in my ask box. While I'm asking people to not ask Ali any questions through my blog, I'm still perfectly happy posting her asks here. 😋

Especially since, for most of us, this is the only way to read Ali's posts and we do love her posts very much. So don't hesitate to drop something in my ask box. The only things I don't post about are the direct posts about the BT fandom, but Ali has told me she isn't replying to those posts anymore anyway, so that eliminates that problem.

As for the ask itself...

Yeah, so many of us have been saying this since day one. Tommy was only ever there to help Buck out of that closet. He was never really meant to be anything more than that. Sure, the change of the storyline because of the early renewal, gave Tommy some more time on the show, but that's where it ends.

So yeah, going back to rewatch the previous seasons, knowing what you know now? It will change the way you see Eddie and Eddie and Buck's friendship and maybe you'll find some joy in them. Just let it happen.

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[pikuniku53353358]

My au for "Rain world" - "Sinful world"

ATTENTION, FURTHER INFORMATION WILL TOUCH A LITTLE ON MY PERSONALITY AND INFORMATION ON MY AU on rain world "sinful world"! PLEASE READ ALL THE WAY TO THE END, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME! AND I'M ALSO OPENING AN ASK BLOG ON MY AU, SO IF YOU WANT TO ASK MY CHARACTERS ANY QUESTIONS, THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO HAVE AT LEAST SOME INFORMATION ON Sinful world ANYWAY! (and this post was written with the help of a translator, so I apologize in advance for any possible mistakes^^") So, if someone doesn't know, then I'm Piku_nik, but you can just call me Piku. I am 13 years old, I draw on my phone with my finger in ibis paint. I'm looking for different fandoms, such as: rain world, hollow knight, ori and the blind forest, just shapes and beats, gravity falls, fundamental paper education, etc.I will mainly draw art for the rain world game.My favorite ships for this game:

Saint/Monk

Artificer/Rivulet

Gourmand/Survivor

Watcher/Enot

Spear master/Hunter

I also have my own au related to rain world, and now I will tell you a lot of it. However, I will not mention one part of the information, since my Persians themselves will be able to answer it in the form of an aska (so do not hesitate to write me messages with your questions about my au :)), and I will not be able to mention other information since I am currently writing fan fiction on a Russian platform called "Ficbook.net " by This week, and it's not finished yet. Some of my readers are following me on tumblr, which means I won't be able to drop plot spoilers here. Don't worry, you'll find out in time, but it will take some time :)

AU setting: all SW actions take place in a kind of simulation. The world is quite realistic and is located in three-dimensional space, however, by its very nature it obeys game laws and logic, which means that the creatures there have an indicator of karma, hunger, cycle duration report, etc., in general, everything that is in the base game.

Characters: Inv (Enot)

Fear (THE REAL NAME IS STILL UNKNOWN!)

Developers

Monk

Survivor

Hunter

Gourmand

Cold-blooded Wind (Golden Eye)

Fragile Compassion

Big Heart

Feeling of Fault

Hate

(the list of characters will be updated over time, but at the moment there are as many characters in the fanfiction as written above)

The plot in brief:The developers have already created many different mini-worlds called "campaigns" and placed slugs with different histories, chaoacters and goals for life there. But that wasn't enough for the gods. They became bored with ordinary worlds that follow some kind of rules. Therefore, they hastily created the "Enota campaign" and created almost simultaneously one of their most important and dominant persons in SW — Enota and Fear (he was not called that before, so I will call Whity in this period of time, BUT this is not the canonical name of this character, but only a temporary code name)). They were both immediately told that they existed in a fictional world and that they were created only so that both poor slugs would suffer. And Enota was also given out how pathetic and insignificant he was, and then they threw both slugs into their world. An important clarification: Whity and Enot had not seen each other before, the developers created them separately from all the others so that they would not see each other inadvertently.

Enot did not know how to survive in his world, which is why he spent a lot of effort to survive his first cycle. All this was observed by Whity, which in fact is essentially the soul of Enot, which is imprisoned in his consciousness, into which Enot himself can penetrate only when he is asleep. And so, in a dream, the slugs met and became friends. The developers also informed him about their nature when creating Whity, and also said that if Enot commits at least one sin, it will affect his soul, that is, on Whity itself. He will be in terrible pain and constantly writhing in pain. And knowing all this information from the developers, Whity asked his friend not to commit any sins. The soul was terribly paranoid and did not allow Enot to enter normally and step in. He even forbade slug to pick up a spear in principle, and as a result, to fight in order to banal self-defense.

Enot did not know how to survive in his world, which is why he spent a lot of effort to survive his first cycle. All this was observed by Whity, which in fact is essentially the soul of Enot, which is imprisoned in his consciousness, into which Enot himself can penetrate only when he is asleep. And so, in a dream, the slugs met and became friends. The developers also informed him about their nature when creating Whity, and also said that if Enot commits at least one sin, it will affect his soul, that is, on Whity itself. He will be in terrible pain and constantly writhing in pain. And knowing all this information from the developers, Whity asked his friend not to commit any sins. The soul was terribly paranoid and did not allow Enot to enter normally and step in.

No matter how hard Enot tried to rid his friend of these sins, there were more and more of them, and at the same time the pain from these sins only became stronger and more unbearable. At this point, a Feeling of Fault appears in the plot. This character is metaphorical, we can say that he does not exist in reality, he is needed so that one can understand the thoughts and feelings of one of the characters, in our case, Enot. That is, it means that only Enot can see Feeling of Fault and talk to him. Because of the fractures in the relationship with Whity, Feeling of Fault began to tell Enot that he was still a loser and a weakling, which only added more oil to the fire and made the whole situation only worse. At some point, a real scandal broke out between Enot and Whity during which they stopped being friends. After that, after a while, Whity was completely consumed by sins, and Enot's Feeling of Fault became especially strong during this period of time. Enot's consciousness, in order to protect him, sharpened Feeling of Fault and began to gradually erase all painful memories associated with Whity. At some point, he completely forgot about his former friend and can be said to have started life with a clean slate. And it would seem that this is a good thing, now Enot has become completely free from the prohibitions of his former friend, and even now no Feeling of Fault will bother him, but... The thirst for blood still remained in him. At first, Enot tried to suppress her and he killed especially only scavengers, because they had caused him too much pain in the past, but over time, Enot's moral compass completely erased and he began killing everyone indiscriminately in rather cruel ways, eager to hear the screams of his victims and taste their torn flesh and meat. Enot-maniac was very strong because he faced enemies every cycle and learned to defeat them. He became so strong that the scavengers, realizing that they could not resist this psychopath in any way, began to hide in secret bunkers underground without proper food, heat and much more. Enot-maniac destroyed the lives of many creatures, and those who miraculously survived were left with many mental injuries. The most revealing of them will be my scavenger character named Cold-blooded Wind. As a child, an Enot-maniac tore off his eye, but he was able to escape, however, this incident affected not only physically, but also mentally (you can learn the details of the Wind's background from ask. Believe me, everything is much worse there than you think. This is the third most tragic character in SW)

He even forbade slug to pick up a spear in principle, and as a result, to fight in order to banal self-defense. It seemed to Enot-maniac that he had reached the top and found his happiness and the meaning of life, but... That's not so. He actually needed companionship and good friends all this time. He began to wish for it as soon as the developers abandoned him to his fate. Throughout his life, Enot has never been able to feel real affection and support from others, and as a result, the murders of Enot-maniac began to get boring. What's the point of killing everyone and everything like that? He had tried all possible methods of murder on his victims anyway, everyone had long ago realized that Enota was a maniac worth being afraid of... A small piece of forgotten memories was able to remind Enot-maniac of the void sea, which Whity once told him about and he headed to it in order to finally find his long-awaited peace. But plunging into it, Enot found himself in a dating simulator. He spent a lot of time in it, and during this time, Enot, communicating with other slugs and not killing anyone, realized that he was wrong. That killing is not an option and that he wants to find friends! That's just how to do it if you can't get out of dating sim? But who said that it is ABSOLUTELY impossible to get out of dms? Remembering what kind of drug addiction an Enot egg could create in a dating simulator, he threw it at one of the buttons in this space and it was swallowed up by a singularity. Then the walls cracked and behind them was the code of all slug campaigns, as well as the code of the dms itself, which was also swallowed up by this black hole. After that, this hole in space and time turned into a portal and sucked Enot into it.He found himself back in his campaign, but now some of the chips from dms are now working in his world (that is, the egg can now create fierce nonsense and drug addiction here if desired), as well as slugs from its campaigns appeared in different parts of his world. The Raccoon has a new chance to start this life from scratch, make friends and find his happiness by ascending into the void sea. First of all, he changed his name to Eve, since the name Raccoon was now associated with his dark past. After meeting the Monk, he realized that there were probably a lot of such popadans in his world, so Inv decides to create his own gang called the "VC Gang" (VC - Void Cats). At the moment, this gang consists of Monk, Survivor, Hunter, Gourmet, their tamed red lizard and Inv himself, who is the leader here.On the way of our friends, there will be many obstacles that will mainly occur due to Fear (as Inv called Whity when they met again), which, due to sins, received quite a lot of power and authority. In order to put obstacles to slugs, he sends a black parasite blob into the real world, which infects a creature nearby that is afraid of Inv, which means that he cannot infect the same Inv friends, because slugcat is obviously not afraid of them. However, other obstacles will be encountered due to Inv's dark past, which he tries to hide from everyone. Scavengers still remember the time when the Enot Maniac raged in their world, and this will have its consequences...

That's all for now. I remind you that you can safely ask me additional questions about my au. My characters will answer them in the ask blog. I hope at least someone has read up to this point and is interested in my QwQ fanfiction, and I'll also give you a link to my fanfiction just in case, maybe someone won't be too lazy to read it with the help of a translator: https://ficbook.net/readfic/13570641

Additional content by my au:

Designs by Cold-Blooded Wind and his friends - Fragile Compassion and Big Heart.

[theheightofdishonor]

How do I explain that this lives in my heart? That looking at it makes me yearn and hope and grieve? That the phrase "this same spring will never come again" has burned itself into my brain and relights every now and then just for the hell of it?

It's hands down one of my favourite art from the series. Everything about it from the grim colours now that the sun has fallen, to the trash heap they're determinedly climbing, Kageyama leading in his partner's stead with the third years doggedly behind him, all with a hand on the Karasuno banner. The second and first years marching behind them in that order. The fallen bike in the front corner. The crow, for both Karasuno and for Hinata who can't be with them. Because truly, this spring will never come again and this team will never be the team that they are right here in this moment and isn't that so tragic? so wonderful?

[viperwhispered]

Rest

Guess what? I've got more Jamil x reader for y'all. You can also find this on ao3. No warnings, just 866 words of kinda fluffy(?) caretaking stuff with gender-neutral reader.

At this point, you know Jamil’s schedule almost as well as he does. So, when you have the chance, you head to Scarabia’s kitchen, hoping to spend some time with Jamil while he and the other students prepare dinner. 

However, when you enter, it takes you but a moment to notice Jamil’s uncharacteristic fumbling and the tired look in his eyes. The way Jamil’s chopping the vegetables has you worried about him cutting himself with that knife he’s usually so adept with, and it seems it’s only force of habit that’s keeping him on track.

You frown, and when your eyes meet Jamil’s, you can already see him put his guard up.

So he knows what state he is in, huh? And still, here he is.

It seems Jamil is reading your thoughts, all of him telling you drop it before any words are even said.

At least he still lets you lean in and give a quick kiss to his cheek in greeting.

“Hello love. Do you still have a lot on your agenda for today?” you ask, keeping your tone low for at least some semblance of privacy in the busy kitchen.

“Nothing I can’t handle,” is the response you get.

Of course.

It takes a little more pestering before Jamil actually answers your question. Your lips purse. That list is far too long to your liking.

You take a moment to think, juggling your own plans and to-do list against the urgency of the things Jamil mentioned.

“Will Kalim be eating from that?” you ask, pointing at the food Jamil is preparing.

“Yes.”

“Alright, I won’t be touching that one, then. I’ve gotta do a few things but I’ll be back when you’re done here.”

“Don’t,” Jamil says with a glare, clearly aware of what you’re thinking.

Yet even his disapproving look doesn’t have the usual weight behind it.

“Yes. I will,” you say firmly, even as your heart curls inwards with another bout of concern.

Really, when did he get so tired?

And how did you not notice it earlier?

You leave the kitchen before Jamil can protest further, hurrying through the dorm corridors to find Kalim.

Soon you have an enthusiastic – and concerned – supporter for your plans. You have Kalim point out a few reliable Scarabia students to help with a few of the most urgent matters Jamil mentioned – cleaning up the common areas, delivering some paperwork to Crowley, preparing some dorm-wide notices – while you see to Kalim getting his school supplies in order for the following day. You even recruit a couple of third years to help Kalim with his homework.

You’ll see to the rest tomorrow – after all, you do also have a boyfriend to look after.

Your conversation over dinner can hardly be called anything else than an argument – despite Kalim’s best attempts at acting as a moderating force between you two. It is very tempting to ask Kalim to tell Jamil to take the rest of the day off – it’s not like Jamil would be willing to openly disobey a direct order. Still, you really don’t need to remind Jamil of his position on top of everything else that you’re already doing more or less against his wishes.

Eventually, however, Jamil’s had a square meal, the most urgent things on his to-do list are being taken care of, and you’ve managed to drag him to his bed.

“I really wish you wouldn’t push yourself so hard,” you murmur, your arms wrapped tightly around Jamil. You’re telling yourself you really do just want to cuddle, to offer some respite to Jamil. Still, there might also be a part of you worried that if you were to let go, he’d just jump up and get back to working himself to the bone.

Yet, for all his protestations, just the fact that you’ve gotten Jamil to lay down with you speaks volumes of his current exhaustion.

“I can’t just leave my duties, albi. You know this.”

“Making yourself too indispensable, is what you’re doing,” you protest.

Oh, you know it’s not so simple. Not with his background, not with all the expectations and assumptions.

But sometimes you really wish it would be.

Jamil merely scoffs in response to your words.

Still, it is undeniable that he is slowly beginning to relax in your arms, slowly bringing his head closer to yours. His eyes are starting to flutter, too.

“I will still need to help Kalim with his homework, at the very least.”

You wonder who he is trying to convince more, you or himself.

“Amin and Khalil are helping him. They’re basically top of their classes, aren’t they? I’m sure they’ve got it.”

Still, Jamil frowns.

You sigh. He really is not letting go, is he?

“Do you want me to go supervise?” you ask.

And leave you, unsaid yet hanging there right after your words.

“Don’t,” Jamil eventually says, the word barely more than a breath.

It seems he has accepted his fate.

You softly caress Jamil’s hair, listening to his softening breathing.

And when you wake up, wholly unaware of having been lulled to sleep in the first place, it’s to the lightest of touches from Jamil’s fingers.

Tagging @diodellet @twstgo @crystallizsch @jamilvapologist @jamilsimpno69 as per request If you'd like to be tagged for any future works, let me know!

[dayurno]

this is somewhat of a vent post & something i said i would not do again but has been plaguing me enough that i think getting it out might feel better. so. has anydoggy else been. Baffled and upset by nora sakavic’s refusal to speak on how terribly aftg has treated its characters of color? with the author of the series coming back with a new book and starting up on her online activity again, and questions of what she’d change about aftg bubbling up, it’s particularly glaring to me that we are all playing this very long game of pretend where we ignore how badly the non-white cast has been treated & her lack of thoughts on it

and i understand not wanting to bring up nicky and thea because people pick on her for it. i’m not trying to discredit nora sakavic’s terrible history of getting harrassed online by aftg fans. but i think it is very cynical, and it is very juvenile, and most of all very cruel, that she gets to ignore the very real ways the books have set up these characters to be hated. i think it’s obvious why the characters who get the most hate are the only canonical characters of color, and i think we do not get to treat this like a deliberate decision on the fandom’s part when the books have put these same characters in degrading and embarrassing and terrible positions in the first place. aftg is not a story about nice characters with clean pasts, but there is a very specific nastiness to the only characters of color being a brown man who sexually harasses and later assaults the main character, a black woman whose only scene is her lashing out at her love interest after being ignored for the first two books, and the japanese villain who gets maybe two lines of complexity before he goes back to being a terrible person. the white cast, in comparison, while not at all free from flaws, are never shown to commit mindless evil; all of their actions are ultimately justified. the book goes out of its way to give them concession after concession. we know exactly who to side with, because aftg tells us who these people are. does nicky’s assault ever get addressed in the books? does riko’s reasoning to be the way that he is ever gets more than briefly aluded to? is thea reserved even a shred of humanity or grace in her one scene?

anyway. it’s been years of talking about this and the fandom has been constantly hostile to criticism in this regard, and more recently any criticism at all, and it’s Grating to be on the other side of this discussion. it’s exhausting to know that in ten years we do not get even an acknowledgment besides the author saying she will not answer questions about nicky and thea anymore. it’s upsetting and it’s ugly and i wish no one had to talk about this again, but we do because what i thought was common sense has been washed away by a sudden influx of no-nuance adoration for the trilogy. basically i hope we all explode

[puppyeared]

When you backread through a fun conversation you had with someone for hours an angel gets its wings

[iiboronii]

Me upon realizing that I can just have an AU instead of writing an entire fanfiction about an idea I had in my head once:

[aeide-thea]

what if this year i gave up on even gesturing at ""passing"" and instead embraced the world of weird unisex natural-fiber garments available on etsy 🤔

[yoohyeon]

I’m suppose to paint but my moral is so low right now…

[trans-leek-cookie]

someone talking about the ways media and common tropes/depictions of things that are either explicitly or implicitly linked to marginalized people are demonized and presented badly is not a fucking opportunity for you to flex how you're doing it Differently And Better

[icewindandboringhorror]

Daily Log

Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.

Activities: Badly carved an eye into an avocado pit with a nail cuticle tool thing. trying to think of better designs to carve into avocado pits. I don't really have the right tools, maybe should order some carving tools. I hate buying things online eeeeee..

Worked on translating a poem into Avirrekava (my constructed language for one of my fantasy species) so I can paint it onto a tapestry sort of thing I'm making, kind of in the style of medieval illuminated manuscripts? I do not have paintbrushes small enough.

Spent a lot of time thinking more about the story with an investigator tracking a doctor who's doing strange experiments and they eventually become friends(ish) after trying to kill each other a few times, lol (set in my fantasy world though, so magic is involved, etc. It's just interesting to think about testing the limitations of magic and what type of experimentation people would do, especially if you own a hospital or morgue or other scenario where you have access to bodies, or good cover for hiding them, etc. Plus worldbuilding religions in the world, what their ideas of morality would be, what an "investigator" or police force would even look like in that setting, etc. Two jhevona main characters in a city full of elves and the in-world politics of that, class war and royals, pretentious scholar communities and how they'd operate, actual magic combat between two advanced magic users and what that would look like (mixing illusions or higher level spells with minor brute force tactics, evasion, enchantments, shapeshifting, etc.) etc. etc. ).

Organized some of my plants, but still need to replant some fully. Succulents grow SO fast, I think I'll run out of room. Also one has burnt to a crisp during the heat wave last week.. my son.. ToT.

Edited a few costume photos then gave up because my camera is evil and I always have that thing where it looks really cool in the mirror but then the final photos suck, which demotivates me to even do anything with them/feels like a waste.

Still chronic health issue sick stinky as usual, plus it's still warm inside from the heat a few days ago so being hot makes joint pain worse... evil.. no energy. fell asleep on the floor for like 30 minutes.

Tried a new oreo flavor and ranked it on my comprehensive oreo ranking list. Mediocre as usual, but I'm too far in to give up now gghj.. I have to just try them all. A fool's labor.

Notable sights: found one 6 leaf clover, two 5 leaf clovers, and eleven 4 leaf clovers. Saw a rabbit, 3 cats in windows, and 4 ducks. Also at some point I was squishing gum in my hand and pulling it apart and when stretched out it would make these really cool spindly spider web patterns. The sky later in the day was hazy pink, purple, and blue pastel sunset.

Goals moving forward: Wake up on time even if I feel sick when I wake up!!! Focus on more immediate projects, don't get distracted. Actually make room for investing in social time and replying to people even with minimal energy reserves. Stay consistent with physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, email doctors, edit pictures, post the poll adventure thing that has been sitting in a draft for weeks.

Notable foods: None today, but I have asparagus for later which is exciting... my new favorite vegetable whilst on the stinky Nutritionist Prescribed Special Limited Diet

[lunarharp]

a random draft where i was ramblingg about witch hat & art to myself for myself :)

rare time i feel like actually going off about the thing i’m having fun with right now in more detail ... but not on twt where strangers might try to discuss back at me lol sorry but that is scary. (not that you even have the room to soliloquy on there)

i love how there's characters for varying types of artists to relate to. people like agott who have been adept at drawing from a young age but feel overwhelmed by feelings of not meeting their expectations. and are driven mostly by feelings of wanting to prove their worth..

people like oru who have always been around the art but now are burnt out from commissions and wondering just what they're drawing for... and ones i relate to the most personally like coco and qifrey, who started drawing at an older age to the skilled people around them. like coco i'm so happy that i'm in the world of drawing(/magic) now and excited every day but also weighed down by fears that i'll never get to what i where i need to be after starting at this late stage and also whether i'm really cut out for this....

and like qifrey i only started drawing after a narrow escape from trauma... i started drawing to make sense of what my life is now, just as he was invited by beldaruit to become a witch because it was the only safe path he could take. (although i've not been through anything quite like what he's been through... ouagh)

and there’s tetia who just wants to draw to make other people feel happy about what she’s made, to have fun, and spread hope and happiness and gratitude. who feels so happy whenever someone thanks her for what she’s created - i understand now how it feels to want to thank them for thanking her and how making art, when you get a meaningful response, can be a truly warm communal type experience. but you do need that response - her overwhelming happiness when the dragon thing was happy and she said it was the first time she’d ever felt fully appreciated for her magic and it made her soooo happy. she had been drawing until then, but it was the last puzzle in place to make her realise the breadth of what magic can be for her.

and riche who is determined to not lose the “her”-ness from her art, doesn’t want to learn new techniques and become more regular and orthodox in style if it means she feels she’s losing something... i get that!!! precious autistic-coded child... the ways we feel about our art differ depending on our own mental landscapes. hahhhh... shirahama said she began this series because she was having a conversation with artist friends about how it feels like drawing just really is magic. i mean..... it is.

i think writing feels like magic too, and i’m glad i can do both now. any creation is total magic. i’ve drawn scenes that were in my head and that’s let other people see them and if i can trust their comments about it, has moved them in some way or at least let them imagine a scene or a situation that they wouldn’t have imagined otherwise. but it’s different from just telling someone about it. when you draw something, or write something it really exists now - outside of you. THAT’S SO WEIRD.

i liked drawing a lot of takarazuka things (before i realised i got kind of burnt out drawing all this transcore stuff that people were not exactly responding to because it’s so niche and weird lmao) but drawing fanart for something that also ONLY exists in art is so special. it’s not acted by real people. like.. they’re just little people that someone drew and now i draw them too. total magic. and she gets up and draws them every day the same as me...

i love that a manga isn’t just art, it’s storytelling too. doing both writing and drawing at the same time - it feels like such a perfect and fascinating combination of skills and facets of creation. i’m better at writing than drawing, so i don’t feel like i can express my original stories well enough in comic form just yet. but i might just get there.

the world is so confusing and overwhelming and terrible every day. only creation is something i can understand. sometimes i can’t understand it - when i feel REALLY bad, it’s definitely like, what’s the point. and i wish i had more things to experience at present than just creation - i want to be outside and just feel and be as well as create. and at some point i’ll definitely stop posting my creations online. but creating has become something that i don’t need to understand the reason for it - so at those times when i wonder what the real point to any of this is.... lately, i usually still create anyway. just as you’d still breathe and sleep even though you’re hurt and confused by the horrors of the world. it’s becoming how i express myself. i find myself drawing pretty much every day because it’s part of how i make sense of shit now and i naturally want to do it. not doing it is painful.

i hope this magic continues. i hope it becomes far more wonderful than i can even imagine from here.

and i won't lose.

[gibbearish]

vent

[trashbaget]

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[kimmkitsuragi]

hm