#anyways i dont know if this makes sense ive tried to make this post like 3 times today before getting interrupted. either way! post!

[cator99]

I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care

[famewolf]

i will genuinely never understand my dad!!! and i feel guilty for being confused and angered by him!!!! i don't know what he wants and i doubt i ever will

i guess he's known that he's had cancer for over a month now but never told me. and i dont know if it's because he wanted me to reach out/pay attention to him, as he's done in the past or if he just didn't think to, or if it's some other third mysterious reason that i can't think up

we aren't close since he was rarely in my life but i feel like that's something you tell your kid.

and the only reason i found out is because i went to go check and see why he hadn't replied to my message about asking if he wanted to hang out for the thousandth time without getting a response

[wall-eye]

i said this yesterday and its been a while since i mentioned it and even longer since i explained what it means and why? basically a primary/intended audience is the people that will care about what youre putting out the most, first and foremost. ive centered my art's intended audience around myself, as a way to make sure i dont cloutchase or pin self worth on other's approval or get burnt out on things i dont want to draw. i know myself and how my brain works and none of those would be a good situation for either of us, so i make sure that i like the art i draw myself before i post it, and while i do consider what others think, i dont prioritize other's approval or attention over my own approval or attention on my art. its always appreciated but its never like. the main sole initiative to post whatever ive drawn next

[angelmachines]

teru & socialization

i've posted about this before but something ive been thinking about a LOT is mp100's themes of loneliness (and eventual connections). i think this is an aspect of teru's character (in particular) that gets left out because it's not as explicit but i've been wanting to do a deep dive on it for a while and i finally sat down to do it. just a warning, this post is gonna be LONG.

these two panels are from chapter 16 of the manga (which i'm using for my evidence because i. dont want to scrub through the anime LOL). initial sentiment: teru uses his powers to cheat having friends/a good social life and wouldn't have that if he tried earnestly. this is a fair interpretation of the scene. with what we know, at this point of time (as in within the teru-mob fight) teru would not be able to connect with other people earnestly, due to his mindset. which i think is a fair interpretation, HOWEVER:

(from chapter 17 ^^) the first panel shows teru's expression to be strained and the second is visibly unhappy. this puts the first set of panels into a different context, that maybe underneath all of this, teru doesn't WANT any of this life that he's built. keep in mind that i'm analyzing this with teru's possible autistic tendencies in mind & you dont have to believe he's autistic, im not your dad, but i do find this a pretty meaningful indication of masking if he were

(note: yes, the strain can definitely be read as comp-het, and i would agree but that's not relevant so go read this post on that instead)

even if the rest of these panels show teru content with his life, i think these expressions are pretty vital to how we read his life especially because we know so little of it. think about it, if you were a kid desperate for affection because you couldn't get it anywhere else, especially not in a way that would come off as "mature" or "unaffected", wouldn't you also look for validation in your popularity? even if it aligned you with people who you consider fundamentally different to you? my point here is that teru can't not stand out-- it's in his nature-- and we are shown how he tries to blend in & receive attention in the only way possible to him; which is to say that he molds himself into something that is palatable, likeable, and superior to other people. if he's nothing, like mob, he has spent his entire life covering up for it. if he fails socially, like mob, he has to be good at everything (even if he cheats to do so) so that everyone else can look past it.

(side note for my teru angst enjoyers: this is a panel of his mom. the mom who he hasn't seen in years. doesn't it make sense that, if he hasn't heard his mom say he's proud of him for literal years, that he would overachieve in response? not related to the autism thing i just have the teru bug. also don't be misogynistic in my notes both his parents suck we just get a singular mention of his mom)

so if teru couldn't meaningfully have friends before mob, that could very easily be because of his past mindset, right?

...except, we don't.. really... see him make other friends afterwards.

but, the awakening lab, right?

(ok i lied to you sorry there is one anime screenshot and thats because it stood out to me while i rewatched it earlier this month. sorry.) id like to bring attention to this screenshot during the cultural festival because the awakening lab can definitely be seen as a direct contradiction of this and i'd like to point out a couple things:

1) in this scene the shiratori brothers are in another room 2) them and the other three are friends with ritsu (or at least close enough acquaintances to want to see him).

considering this is one of the only times they appear together for Fun i am more inclined to believe this is an encounter where they went together because they all would've gone separately anyway. this isn't to discount the possible bond that these characters might have, but thats the thing. we... aren't really shown that they're friends and enjoy spending time together outside of this screenshot, where two out of six of the members are not even present. not to mention that teru is still placing himself in a role separate from his peers. despite stripping the superiority away, teru is still the awakening lab's mentor, not friend. teru still views himself as fundamentally different in a context where his psychic powers don't make him that way.

...except with mob. i bring this placement of power up because where he is the awakening lab's mentor, teru declares mob to be his rival, or, in other words, teru is just like him. he is accepting that mob and him are the same. (and if we view mob from an autistic lens... so on and so forth)

as if to hammer in that point even further-- in the summer vacation omake, teru explicitly states that "summer break is just a super long, super boring stretch of alone time." i'm not sure of the timeline here, but guessing from the hair, we're at least post season 1. which gives us explicit confirmation here that teru is spending the break alone despite his relationship to the awakening lab. his connection to mob is a lifeline here because mob is one of the only people who can intuitively understand teru's isolation without judgment

(also, on that point of teru's autistic tendencies: teru does and says a LOT of things that would raise other peoples eyebrows and doesn't seem to notice.

here we get teru actively admitting to his home life, right in front of reigen, WHO COULD CALL CHILD SERVICES ON HIM? this genuinely made me rethink this character entirely. teru's filter is... minimal. he isn't constantly volunteering information and generally minds his own business, but if you ask? Well.

teru is a social person, but to say he is proficient in understanding social situations seems... wrong. teru views his loneliness as boring because, despite being fairly open, does not actually allow himself to think about his own feelings and how they affect him. this loneliness is boring because he doesn't have enough of a reference to realize its not

if we are taking pre-mob teru to be a version of himself who is masking, or at the very least someone who is faking a lot of stuff in a less autistic sense, the fight with mob changes teru to the point where he no longer hides himself. in the same way that mob was able to shake teru's fragile superiority complex i think the change in appearance marks the end of the self teru had built up. from this point on we see him become a lot more... Him. his appearance and his fashion choices are, presumably, completely normal to him and we get no indication that he believes otherwise despite the reactions it gets-- which is... well, i wouldn't be writing this post if i thought it was one of his most neurotypical traits.

in fact, he seems... pretty oblivious to what other people think of him. which is an interesting distinction to make considering the intelligence we Know he possesses (which is not to say that you are unintelligent if you don't pick up on social cues, just that its common for media to depict it that way.) these traits are made pointedly, even if unintentionally, separate, ESPECIALLY when you note the amount of characters who Do ruminate on or stare at teru's appearance.

some examples. i don't even think this is all of it-- case in point.)

[the-s1lly-corner]

I’ve read through some of your old posts and I gotta say…I love me some angst. May I kindly, pretty please with a plastic cherry on top, ask for TADC gang with an S/O who abstracted a while back, but then they ‘respawn’ one day with a glitch affect about them, and their memory was totally wiped? Like it was their first day in the digital world? The glitch affect doesn’t hurt them or anyone like what happened to Ragetha and Pomni btw.

TADC cast x mended!reader

so funny story i was about to sit down and work on this about 4 hours ago but then my parents said they were going to watch the fnaf movie in the garage and i literally dropped everything and watched it so uh uh. the reason the grind stopped was because of fnaf movie and now im kinda tempted to pick up my fnaf fic again anyways! i did a similar post, here! jax and caines parts here will be short, really only focusing on the glitch aspect for them in this post, since the other half has already been written!

CAINE:

just got flashed with an image but you know that scene where the iron giant is trying to pick the boy up but hes like limp or something and the giant pulls back (ive never watched iron giant i just know this clip from a meme) i think it would be like that if he tried to poof your glitching away; but like. in an emotional way, if that makes sense. like its the same kind of carefulness and worry, i think... bonus if he does more damage than not

JAX:

honestly a little too scared to even touch you out of the deep seeded fear of getting all glitchy as well. like he knows it wont spread to him, but you know...

POMNI:

similar to jax i think she would instinctively avoid touching you even though she knows its fine... the whole hand thing making her overly cautious for future scenarios, you know? i think she would slip up and accidentally bring up something you and her did before you abstracted, or call you an endearing name before abruptly stopping herself and trailing off, sad stuff. grief makes her tear between wanting to find an exit faster and trying to make you remember/stay for you

RAGATHA:

poor girl :( i think she would genuinely try to make an effort to re/befriend you and try not to have her hopes too high for the two of you to get back together. if you hear about your past relationship and want to learn more about it, shell tell you what you want to know, but i doubt she would instantly start dating you again if you suggest the two of you trying to give the relationship a second shot... i think that would need some time

KINGER:

bro is gonna be going through it, first he loses his possible wife to abstraction and now he lost you.. got you back, but you dont remember anything. on top of that you look.. off.. sure it doesnt hurt you but it still looks like it would be uncomfortable, even if it isnt

stuck between longing to rekindle your old relationship and letting you go in order to allow himself to process this grief; the third option is potential abstraction for himself

ZOOBLE:

tries not to care. they want to forget everything like you did, they were finally starting to be normal after your abstraction. but now your back in a clean slate, mind wiped and memories gone. how does someone cope with that? as much as it hurts them they think it would be best for them to pretend you were a stranger again

GANGLE:

saying it again, poor girl. mix of pomni and ragatha here i think, like she keeps messing up and verbally reminiscing before realizing you cant relate to what shes saying anymore. will tell you anything you want to know about the past, but i think it would take a lot longer for her to consider getting with you again than ragatha. for both its kind of a "i dont want them to feel obligated to try because we were together once" type deal

[redrandomposts]

Hello! Sorry I have not sent an ask in some time but I had an idea to share-

So I am thinking that maybe in the same area as the till going back in time au’s. What if in this au Till and Ivan were in love (like the beach timeline maybe) and in that timeline Ivan died somehow. (Probably to save Till from something dangerous- or maybe drowning if they successfully ran away) Then till comes back and tries to push Ivan away because their love is what kill Ivan. And then Till behaves exactly like canon- but because he doesn’t want to hurt Ivan in the end. (Like refusing to run away because Ivan died from them running away and till is afraid of that happen again)

and till hopes that if he pushes Ivan away and never meets Ivan’s eyes Ivan won’t love him anymore! But then Ivan dies anyway and till feels foolish because he wasted a second chance to love Ivan pushing him away and hurting him.

I am not sure that makes sense but I think you will understand the main point!

Okay thank you friend,

-🍎

i was going to forgive u for not sending asks... and then u shattered my heart so lets call it uneven. (/hj. my heart is shattered.) my heart doesnt deserve this.

reason #1 not to join fandoms: they are all doomed to give you bad endings. orv? slaughterhouse of optimism. alnst? massacre of yaois and yuris and eveything inbetween.

reason #2: the fans reflect the fandoms. if the fandom is eternally sad, the fans will always post sad stuff.

...anyways, i think its obvious ivan dies to protect till in both lives. what i think is the real kicker is that till decided to show ivan love one life, and then deprave him of it the next.

aagghhh

till u r not the good guy in this. u can be a guy who loves ivan so much you'd give up happiness, but not even discussing it... and to think that u had a whole timeline to yourselves... and you still dont know what ivan truly wants.

yeah i think i understand this prompt very well. ive been in the angst longer than ive been sane.

ok, so, its successful escape au... im assuming before the actual performances, a bit after their main memories of anakt. thats my age interpretation of the beach art. i think this is an au where till didnt let go of ivan's hand...

guys. you can do this and then u can do canon, where till does let go, but he doesn't expect ivan to follow. he tries to push him away, but in the end, in r6, ivan dies.

or you can be unique and creative!

they both are forced to be near each other, as they are fugitives and escapees, but till keeps reminding himself to push ivan away. his heart hurts when he does, and breaks at ivan's dejected look. he perseveres, though, because above all all he wants is for ivan to live.

and then they're caught. till yells at ivan to go away, telling him to do something else. the attention of a guard robot patrolling is locked on them, about to fire a gun. ivan notices, but till doesn't, trying to forget the fact he broke ivan's heart yet again.

with a loud bang that deafens all of them, ivan attacks the robot. the bullet fires, tears at his torso, but he still attacks and attacks until the robot is sparking at the ends of wires, metal plates dented and broken into sharp edges that retaliate and cut ivan's hands.

ivan bleeds out in till's arms, years younger than his first death. till feels even more devastated—especially when ivan mouths "i love you," and shuts his eyes, clearly not expecting it to be returned.

ok thats enough tumblr for today

[kumezyzo]

ooo could you write something where y/n and sap have been dating for a while and maybe it’s a bit angsty bc y/n wants everyone to know they’re dating but sap is scared ( or the other way around) of telling people so maybe they have an argument but then he does the cutest n sweetest reveal post ever

if i’m making sense

i feel like this trope is sometimes overused and done incredibly wrong, but i think I've done it justice. thank you so much for requesting 🥰🥰

anyway, enjoy! or dont :) m.list

bf!sapnap wanted it to be known that you were dating. that you were his, and he was yours. it was a no-brainer for him. he wanted to he able to kiss you in public, let alone go out with you. he wanted to stream with you and show off how amazing you are. but you just weren't ready yet.

you were so sure people would be angry to know he was dating someone rather than be happy you were a good person. you'd heard way too many stories, seen too many situations to think you'd be welcomed with open arms.

and bf!sapnap tried to respect that. but after a few months, it was too much. he wanted to go on dates with you.

"baby?" he asked you softly. you hummed in acknowledgment, looking up from your laptop momentarily. "i wanna tell people about you."

you stopped your movements and looked over to your boyfriend. he looked nervous. and rightfully so. you had been shutting down the idea for the past couple of months.

"nick... we've talked about this..." you told him softly, feeling your heart break at the way his shoulders seemed to droop. he nodded and ran a hand over his face, frustrated.

"i dont give a shit what people think! i just want to be able to leave the house with my girlfriend!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms up in defeat.

"well, i do," you told him incredulously. "i mean, i would get shit on so quickly. a-and not to mention if we went out, it wouldn’t really be peaceful."

"so you don't want to tell people because youre scared?" he crossed his arms.

"yes," you sat up, pushing your laptop off to the side. "im scared. ive never been in the eye of the public and this fandom you have? its fucking crazy."

"but i want to tell them about you. you're my life. and i want to share that with them," he told you simply. as if it could be that simple for you too. "and if they don't like you, i won't care. I'll just tell them all to fuck off."

you let out an amused scoff, "you'll tell them to fuck off?"

"mhm."

"and what else?" you asked, completely amused by the simplicity of his solutions.

"I'll ban all of them," he huffed.

"all of them?"

"yup, all of them. even if theres no one left watching me, i know you'll still be there," he said softly. he stepped closer to you. "and they'll all be gone, knowing that im happy with my girl. and when they see us out on dates, they can fuck right off.

you but your lip, trying to hide your smile. he felt his heart warm at the sight. he already knew your answer.

bf!sapnap who, as soon as you give him the green light, posted a picture of you two to his instagram.

the picture was a selfie of you two. your face was squished up against his and big grins on both of your faces.

you two were just hanging out that day, laying in bed together, and feel particularly cuddly. you remember wanting to be as close to him as possible when you took the picture. and that was the result.

he captioned it with "whos that really hot guy next to my gf???"

bf!sapnap who went through the comments and all the tweets with you, feeling content with all the nice comments flooding through and with the smile on your face.

in the words of an amazing poet: yeet, yeet, skert, yeet yeet, skirt, skirt, skirt. roll up. drop that. skirt that. pop that-

im sorry, i dont know what came over me.... -nony

[irradiatedsnakes]

more reigen is dead and a ghost now sillies ft. mob all grown up. a couple other things under the cut

bonus older (~40s) mob bc im happy w her design. luckily her and reigen's designs just came out of the pen pretty naturally not many iterations necessary. mob's felt like a natural progression from my ~24 y/o design, and i kinda feel like reigen never really changes up his look, he just. ages. he's gonna be wearing a pink tie when he's like 80 (well, i mean not in this au, but, yknow). im kind of dreading designing the others.. i think tome should be pretty easy i have a fairly clear vision of her in my mind but i;m not so sure about serizawa. i know im gonna give him a beard though. others may come into this eventually if i get the ideas for it . i feel like designing older shou would be fun in particular

anyways. this sort of started cus i wanted to make an 'intro' comic to the au besides the post i already have, but i couldnt figure out a good way to get what i had in mind to a comic.. basic 'story so far' is that while off on a job at like.. ive had it as a parking garage in my mind for some reason. anyways, reigen serizawa and tome* out on a job, you know the story from the other post, reigen falls down some concrete stairs REAL badly, bonks his head right on the edge of one, beefs it.

(*tome at this point has her own job stuff going on- Professional Ufologist Babeeey you KNOW she's gotten interviewed for ancient aliens. BUT she still does stuff with s&s when she can.)

he comes to kind of gradually, like, feels like he's been walking for half an hour but onl having just become aware of it. he doesn't realize he's dead for a bit, just kind of feels 'floaty' and not-quite-there, with a vague awareness that Something Has Gone Wrong. he keeps walking, unable to remember what he was just doing, and finds himself drawn to mob's place, and fully realizes Something Is Super Wrong when he tries to knock on the door and his hand goes right through. meanwhile on the other side of town serizawa and tome are having a supremely bad time. things'll settle down when everyone learns reigen's not Entirely Gone but it's Not good at the moment

(also, something im not sure yet how to resolve is that tome wouldnt be able to see reigen?? hes a very weak spirit so hes not visible to your average non-esper and i dont know if he'd even be able to possess anyone either (in the sense that tome could see dimple after being possessed by him).)

also so imprtant to me that mob has a cat that's very important

[stelladess]

EDIT: I only now found there are more complete translations of the new lorebook, that may alter things here quite a bit depending on if it touches on relevant stuff. Ill probably write a more easy to follow and updated version of this post when I got less schoolwork anyway so yeah. Arknights Theory: The nature of the Lord of Fiends powers and the purpose of the black crown. IDK how to spoiler and non of what I find onlines helps with that so just know... spoilers ahead. I also wanna say that I havnt double checked a lot of this stuff, I did for some of it but id like to re-read a bunch of this when some of the CN only stuff has come to global anyway. So take with a grain of salt is all im saying that I remember right since I dont remember exactly where to find all of this info, altough I will mentioned where I thought I got it from for various evidence. So tl;dr here is that I think Amiya´s powers is actually about manipulating originium, the memory, emotion and energy blasts (also making a sword) is all extensions of that and NOT fully distinct powers like some believe, also the Lord of Fiends has to have oripathy. Also the black crown was made by Priestess to eventually facilitate her resurrection and the reason doctor convinced Theresa to transfer her powers to Amiya was part of that plan. Now, why do I think all this? Starting on Amiya´s powers. While dialogue indicates some skilled casters *can* learn multiple types of arts, Amiya is not a skilled caster. She is very powerful but not particularily skilled at it. Her powers are ALL derived from the originium arts her oripathy and Lord of Fiends nature grants her. She also had all these powers pretty much from moment 1 it seems so it seems unlikely she learned it trough practice to do many different things. So its likely one ability that is just very broad in its usage, similarily to how Rosmontis´s powers work (if I remember right Kal´tsit even says their powers are very similar in nature). Amiya can do energy blasts, view memories and sense emotions... according to Kal´tsit in chapter 7 the way sarkaz prophecies work is basically that thoughts are stored in originium allowing other sarkaz to tap into the memories in that originium to calculate a likely outcome with multiple people´s brains. So originium can store thoughts/minds. And by extension memory would be a part of that. There is also clearly stuff relating to the dead but ive heard several CN server events have gone into that more so I dont wanna speak about anything regarding dead souls until that comes to global because I do not wanna go reading very complicated lore stuff in a language I dont understand really, so ill adjust or drop this theory as nescesary based on future information of course. So, then the emotions and memory stuff is covered, making the sword is also simple, its just made of originium. So the energy blasts? Well the main way originium is used is as a power source and its required to cast arts for those without oripathy (who have originium inside them to channel arts anyway). Another piece of evidence here is that Manfred could disrupt Amiya´s arts with his own, which seem to revolve around detonating or manipulating the energy in originium, allowing him to harm Amiya when she tried to gather up energy from nearby originium. When she pushes herself extra hard she probably draws extra power from the originium in her own body, which is why it has such a negative effect on her physically even compared to other casters. This, and a bit from the new lorebook revealing the first Lord of Fiends was the first person with Oripathy, is why I think the Lord of Fiends HAS to have Oripathy.

So, with that established, why do I think the Black Crown is meant to resurrect Priestess? First of all, the Black Crown or Civilight Etherna, is tech from the advanced precursor civilization (it was not found by them but invented by them, its directly referenced as a different project to the AMa projects, which is part of what Kal´tsit is refered to by certain beings in the know about the previous civilization, the crown also resembles Mon3tr in appearance). Its stated in Amiya´s module that its purpose is to store information, memories and emotion. And we know for a fact that they were capable of brain uploading, as seen with Friston in Lonetrail. Its original purpose was as a historical record, but that doesnt mean it cant have been altered later. Priestess is stated by Friston to have created Originium, something we will likely learn more about in the Victoria arc on account of certain reveals in chapter 13. Since Originium is so closely linked to the crown, by virtue of the first infected being the first Lord of Fiends, originium was clearly created in relation to something to do with the Crown. And well.. when Priestess put the doctor into the sarcophagus she said they would be reunited and their love would outlast the stars. Despite her seeming convinced she would die.... Kal´tsit seems to have been either created or turned into what she is now by Priestess too, or well by their people at least. But for dramatic convenience I think Priestess makes the most sense. I think the crown getting linked to the sarkaz collective unconcious/dead souls (this is the part im most uncertain about because there is so little info on this on global especially) was NEVER part of the plan. Since it seems likely the previous civilization created the ancients (animal people) to drive the sarkaz away (and also be slave labour, this isnt like 100% confirmed but there is some hints for this) I suspect they saw the sarkaz as lower beings and had never considered the crown would link up with them. So I think the original purpose was that some sort of great calamity fell upon their people, Priestess tried to store her mind in the Black Crown in some process that led to the creation of Originium and because the first person to down the crown was a sarkaz made her unable to do what she originally intended, possessing a later wearer of the crown and reunite with the doctor. This part is of course pure speculation as well with very little evidence, but it does line up somewhat. And I think some of the concept trailers supports the idea the crown can let someone store their mind to take over a later host (altough not with Priestess specifically).

So, fast forward to Amiya... she was born in Rim Billiton a normal cautus girl, her family were miners and lived on a normal landship in Rim Billiton... but one day disaster struck and the ship got destroyed in a horrible disaster. This is all gone into more in To the Grinning Valley but was already implied beforehand. To the Grinning Valley is also interesting for several reasons to this theory, they explicitly call attention to how strange it is that the doctor would bring Amiya with them after finding her in the wreckage. Saving her is in line with their behavior, but why bring her along? Its common in Rim Billiton for miners to adopt other children. Why not leave here somewhere? Why bring her with them to Babel? And this isnt just Amiya wondering or an outside observer, we find out from Savage that Kal´tsit doesnt know why the doctor did what they did. And whats more, Kal´tsit believes the doctor convinced Theresa to transfer her powers to Amiya, and since no previous Lord of Fiends had done so directly, the crown picked a successor, I think the doctor also taught Theresa how she could directly move it, circumventing the dead souls of the sarkaz will being imposed on the crown´s choices. So, why Amiya? Kal´tsit either doesnt have any idea why or just didnt want to tell Savage, but it is clear that she NEVER agreed with the decision. We have some ideas why Theresa did it, Amiya not being a sarkaz would mean she would be less strongly influenced by the dead souls and the lords of kazdel would refuse to follow her. Or at least chapter 12 and 13 heavily implies this was her motive. But why did the doctor want that? In To the Grinning Valley the question of if the doctor always intended to use Amiya for that from the start and grew to care about her over time, or if they took her in with no ill intentions and then got the idea later out of desperation, is raised but left unanswered because the doctor cant remember, and no one else knows why.

I believe the doctor also wished to undermine the crown´s link to the sarkaz, and that the plan was to use Amiya as a vessel for resurrecting Priestess. And it is an interesting topic, its often brought up how much even pre amnesia doctor cared about Amiya... but in To the Grinning Valley we focus a bit on the insecurity and uncertainty Amiya and Savage have about *why*. Savage telling an anecdote about a friend who went bad after fame got to their head and admitting she doesnt know which is worse, if the doctor did love Amiya and their circumstances made them so willing to trample over what they loved that they would force the black crown on her, or if the doctor had always been intending to just use Amiya for that purpose. And Amiya admitting she never knew why doc would care for her so much. And here is an interesting thing... in anything post victoria arc, we have NEVER seen Amiya and the doctor interact so far. Amiya is in Arturia´s oprec but otherwise she hasnt been on screen post victoria arc. To the Grinning Valley is set before it. The doctor has been doing all manner of things all over Terra in that time period, but Amiya isnt there with them, she is still with Rhodes Island is clear though. So... does Amiya and the doctor still have a good relationship post Victoria arc? Doc clearly cares for Amiya still, when Rosmontis talks about missing Amiya in Lonetrail (she had been away for some weeks or months, unclear) doc agrees that they miss her too, but they dont really go into any detail and are talking about both Amiya and Logos. Depending on what we learn in the later chapters of the Victoria arc, I could see Amiya feeling rather betrayed by the doctor. Not to the point of completely cutting them out but that it might still make her a bit more distant to them. I think it would be interesting to see how Amiya would take it if she learned that the doctor had originally intended to use her for very selfish end goals. Surely the thought has crossed her mind and she just isnt willing to entertain it, but if she learns something in the climax of the Victoria arc that shakes her absolute confidence in the doctor? That could be a pretty big deal. We already know Amiya has a habit of rather then accepting people wronged her first try to look for excuses. What Theresa did to her Amiya refuses to admit is wrong even when directly pointed out to her how messed up it was (chapter 8 Rosmontis compares what Theresa did to Amiya with what Loken did to her). She isntead focuses on how she must be failing to live up to Theresa´s expectations, an idea NO ONE tried to put into her head as far as we can tell. Altough it is a little unclear because she gets VERY defensive about it when the Damazti Cluster suggests she was forced into her role at Rhodes and given too heavy responsibilities to carry. Will she do this this time as well? Look for excuses why what doctor did was "justified"? But in chapter 13 she also finds meaning in rejecting the legacy of the black crown and that she will use its powers purely for her own ideals and not worry about what its purpose is. With that in mind how would that color her perception of finding out an even older purpose for it that implicates the pre amnesia doctor?

[weirdmageddon]

ive finaly managed to lay it out my major interests. i dont know what took me so long to be able to do that. i posted it to bluesky but i’ll do it here too. i need a new pinned post anyway.

22 neurodivergent ass autistic goth nerd and other-proclaimed “wizard”

things i’m interested in:

science: ALL natural science, esp. neuroscience, neuropsychology, psychology (the mind), biology, anatomy & physiology, ecosystems

other realms: philosophy, sociology, anthropology, human ethology, personality differences

natural noumena: patterns in nature, emergence, self-organization / spontaneous order, chaos theory and fractals

tropes / archetypes

analytical psychology / jungian analysis (not in association to jordan peterson, whom i think is a chode. this is significant to me, because i feel like i share the phenomenological reality with jung that formed the basis of his ideas. many of these forces i’ve noticed on my own, separate from him, before i knew him. so seeing his ideas i was like “oh he put it into words. glad to know someone else has a keen sense for these phenomena”)

socionics model A

other typological systems: enneagram, mbti (not 16personalities), etc. (quizzes are lazy minded, reading the theoretical foundations helps it feel much more significant)

eclectic alternative music subcultures + history: esp. 70s-80s, experimental, psychedelic rock, punk, new wave, post-punk, goth rock, industrial

the venture bros. (bonus points if you understand most of the references because this show is like my personal catnip)

jhonen vasquez: jthm, squee, i feel sick, invader zim (decade+ old fan)

david lynch: twin peaks, eraserhead, blue velvet, mulholland drive, etc

jon bois: pretty good, 17776/20020, chart party, team history documentaries, etc

blaseball

vinesauce

pokemon: in general, but esp. game mechanics

gravity falls (decade old fan)

homestuck (decade old fan)

mother series

star trek* (*slowly immersing myself)

lots of more stuff i probably missed

typology type profile: LII-Ne IN(T) INFJ 5w4 so/sp 514 |R|COAI

random things i want to say:

given enough time i think i could probably explain anything

i live in a very isolated pocket of my own taste in art/music where im not really aware of what everyone else is listening to because it just…doesnt really cross my mind ever? i found out brian eno said something similar, “If I tried to make a commercial album, it would be a complete flop. I have no idea what the world at large likes.” i told my friend the other day i feel like i understand my self through music and art, because of the accumulation of my taste i can actually experience my unconscious preference and know what i feel my own experiences reflected in

im best at self-reflection and observations of own my own mental processes

if i were forced to kin a homestuck character it would be aradia megido. we’re very close in spirit

i have similar mannerisms to dipper pines. first time i saw a cartoon character and felt represented

another brian eno quote i strongly relate to: “Sometimes you recognize that there is a category of human experience that has not been identified but everyone knows about it. That is when I find a term to describe it.”

[shiguangbrainrot]

Shu Rongbo and Wu Yihan on 2nd and 3d

link to the second

link to the third. and some short posts from weibo, srb focused

this is where uppies is from! i wonder did wyh know he was gonna do that or was it in moment decision. srb did seem suprised when it wasnt a regular hug.

also their faces got so close i am- i-...

after the hug, lg seems to finally be hit with what he did and hide his face in shame.

sofa song. ql is massaging cxs. later, judging by srb's reaction and the sound, it seems wyh really slapped his leg hard. im pretty sure this is the performance where srb acidentally punched him for real, so maybe this is revenge.

cxs goes on to fight for the mic during the next bit of the song, ql wins and pushes him of the table. but help him up after bcs they gotta pose for the end, all the while lg is left alone on the other side of the table, i felt a bit bad they ignore him for so long. for a sec i though he wasnt gonna do the heart but he was just slow with it.

fairly normal rps game, after stomping the table they lean in really close.

last notable event, after dive back in time ql drags cxs off to do high fives, very agressively. cxs also takes a phone from the audiance to record, if i found that video- i lost it.

onto the next performance!

lg does like a wiggly hand thing before the clap.

before the hug, it seems lg wants to fight. so cxs grabs his wrists moves them so his holding them both in one hand. and pulls him into a hug. this is where i got "kiss" photo quite a while ago now. did not think it would take me so long to find full videos. anyway then they sit on the table as they roll out. for the end of the song, ql messing with lg hand.

sofa song starts with everyone sitting on sofa, lg and ql massaging cxs. good for him. later that song cxs gives lg a hand to climb onto the table, unlike yesterday where

they dont play rps, instead they just kinda jump in place? idk what they say then but lg sticks his tongue as they get off the table and makes blblblbbl noise. later he does a high kick when stomping the table wow. unremarkable handshake, but after the jump it seems cxs doesnt want to let go. sadly only video i have cuts here.

lin zhen(black haired one from noodle lesbian episode, actress also plays chen xiao's mom from earthquake arc, ill call her lz bcs its shorter)

lz, instead of holding hands wraps an arm around lg shoulder, he still tries to go for a handhold, resulting in a mild struggle, which cxs notices. during the bow they are still kinda struggling and cxs nudges lg. light turn off.

light are back on and cxs is standing there like this

now i dont know what his problem is but you can guess what ive chosen to believe. lg taps him and when cxs looks at him, lg gives him a thumbs up. then without breaking eye contact he does it again. cxs whispers something, my best guess is shǎguā(idiot but like lighthearted). it makes sense within the context and is two syllables, fitting the mouth movement, and im pretty confident it started with sha.

the song starts, when lg goes to tap him again he moves away. and again right before the hand dancing part. after that cxs goes to high five audiance members and lg walk off somewhere and is never seen again. cxs and ql take phones from audiance to take photos which i am very bad at finding.

[sirenc0re]

hello, sirenc0re! i come here to ask if you have any RTC character headcanons that you wouldn't mind divulging?

ohhh i have a few! these are somewhat disorganized, i dont think ive really shared these outside of a single reddit comment. anyways:

penny loves boybands ofc (backstreet boys, nsync, obviously 'seven up' before it split) but further than that i think she likes 60s-70s pop too- fleetwood mac, kate bush, the beatles, etc

ezra is the one that's genuinely really into gangsta rap. NWA, tupac, snoop, dr dre... and of course eminem (though he isnt really a gangsta rapper. it's adjacent) i think rap in general is something he likes. though he's like, a smartass. so i think that at least early on he would "like" it the same way he likes penny's boybands (something to mock as the pinnacle of empty and vapid commercialism) before he actually starts appreciating it as art (JK-47 notwithstanding) and not something he has to prove against. so im saying he would genuinely like tribe called quest. it's in my mind. i am manifesting it. as a side note, i jokingly wanted to be like AND HE LISTENS TO MACKLEMOREEEE but im a hard ass and in the timeline that exists in my head it's 2009. and in 2009 mackle had the penis song as the first track of his debut album. make of that what you will

ocean's whole straight-lace schtick is her twisted version of a teenage rebellion against her hippy parents. she also makes herself seem better off than she actually is. im of the firm belief that pretty much everyone in uranium (except perhaps constance's parents and misha's adoptives) is broke. and i think that with her parents lifestyle, ocean would be on the lower end of that spectrum and it's a big insecurity of hers that she tries very hard to project against to varying degrees of success

noel says he was saving up to go to france, but if you looked at his bank account there would be maybe 200~ saved there. most of his wages went to supporting himself and his single mother

post-cyclone au, i think ocean would shift away from politics and become a personal injury attorney

post-cyclone au, ricky becomes a sci-fi erotica author… i like to think he's extremely successful in that particular niche

post-cyclone au, ocean and noel's relationship becomes wayyy less hostile. they still 'fight' but all the venom has been sucked out of their words. one time he tripped her in the hallway inbetween class periods, which prompted her to halfheartedly kick his ankles, which leads to a 'fight' that gets her in trouble in school for the first time in an actual decade (she's pissed)

post-cyclone au, constance's epiphany about life being beautiful makes her a lot more bold. which is to say she now has the confidence to go on a million little sidequests for no other reason than to experience the bounties of existence. penny wants to go to a concert 3 hours away but she's still banned from the bus? constance knows how to drive and the unlimited trust of her parents, hop in

very much inspired by ray winter's take on misha when he was answering asks about it so i've absorbed it because it makes sense: misha was a class clown back home and pretty well-liked. he's such a solid and passionate dude, and way more kind than he's allowed to be because everything in canada seems to hate him. i believe that his 'attitude' problem mostly stems from loneliness, (which is kinda exerted on him but also enforced by him after a certain point since i think he retracts himself into his phone with talia rather than be in the real world where he is miserable) and that he would have done so much better if he had one genuine friend he could talk to. in a post-cyclone au, he gets a bunch of those, and no longer feels like all of those emotions are being stiffled or bottled up

those are all the HCs that are relevant i think ^_^

[desire-mona]

heard we were making house ocs and ive had a dingus floating around in my head since january so i FINALLY got around to actually making a proper ref sheet. i present my silliest

Dr. Nanette "Ninny" Amesbury :3

more under cut !

big warning lore n backstory n stuff is very bare bones and not all the way there cuz im #lazy

birthday is vague but lets go with ~35 circa s2

if i had a nickel for every oc i had who had absent parents and was raised catholic by their grandparents, id have two nickels. unintentional that it happened twice i sorta forgor the other one's lore for a bit and now its stuck so ummmmm sorry laney. wont be going into childhood bc i havent come up w that yet and honestly i dont care to!!! yada yada yada catholic guilt but not in the chase way bc she hasnt left the church n likely never will

ummmm relationship chart + template

lets just quick go over some relationship highlights cuz some are def more important than others

wilson: mr president a 4th ex wife has hit the james wilson. when were they married? ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 😁

but they were married for like. 3 years? YES it ended bc he cheated but nin also wasn't the best either her ass was literally never ever there she was ALWAYS at work (like more than normal doctor amounts of at work - only came home to sleep and even that was only 4x a week(also worked at a different hospital))

tw suicide for next part bee tee dub

a big part of the beginning of their relationship was (big surprise) wilson's attraction to what he THOUGHT was neediness but was literally just nin wanting (and trying) to kill herself lol. once the magic of all that went away (perceived independence thats rly just #bottling shit up) he was just kinda like oh :/ its not cool to have a mentally ill wife anymore :/ i was expecting ramona flowers :/ or whatever. so infidelity impact font, hijinks and moving away for [amount] years ensue before nin being hired at ppth as the head of pediatrics. brief fwb situation w wilson Again b4 she finds out shes a lesbian at the end of like. s2.

oh yeah she also tries to kill herself again once she figures it out (see catholic guilt mention) but its cool she lives

cuddy: GAAAAAYYYYY GAAAAYYYYYYY GAY!!!!! DR AMESBURY WANTS TO FUCK THIS WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its one sided tho boooooo cuddys briefly like Wait ? just b4 nin moves away at the end of s6 roughly but shes already. thats done its not happening.

kutner: dont even fucking talk to me. i dont wanna talk about it. im gonna talk about it.

so kutner (like the slut that he is lowkey but society isnt ready for that) asks nin out just after he gets hired and shes like ermmmmmmmmmm! but sensing his loser aura she (still deeply closeted) is like hey haha i dont swing that way sorry !!!!!!! but its ok they become super mega best friends and get nerdy together

i like to think they listen to weird al together OH YEAH NINS THE BIGGEST WEIRD AL YANKOVIC FAN IN NEW JERSEY

and then nothing bad happens!

if youve seen this post about the little writing things kutner got after he croaked then hooray here's nanettes

they make me so fucking upset.

anyway as i stated above nin moves away after s6 for a bunch of reasons. 1) thanks obama 2) a big part of what contributed to her suicidal ideations n such was the fact that deep down she didnt ACTUALLY know what she wanted to do w her life. u may be like she doesnt. want to be a doctor ? NO she doesnt thats just what she did to get money to eventually do what she wants. whatever that is. something something feeling lost in life and unable to reach a goal when u dont even know what the goal is something something. also persistent depressive disorder but like spoon in kitchen.

idk what shes gonna end up doing after she moves but id imagine she shows up for house's funeral so i cant just be like lol nobody gets to know! im thinking painter but idk IDK guys her lore is ROUGH

thats it if u have questions ill answer thanks

[aropride]

thinking about therapy again bc i knowww i need to be in it. but i think one of my inarguable needs in a therapist is that they see me as an equal? i guess is the best way to put it. and thats not really something you can Ask it's more of a vibes based thing. but like. i hate playing stupid with doctors psychiatrists therapists etc i want to be like This is what im experiencing These are the resources ive looked into This is what i think is going on. where do we go from here. and like i know a fair amount about psychology and i dont want to have to pretend i dont. or for them to assume i dont. and like id look into peer support and stuff but i feel like thats more short term and less intensive than id need to unpack my childhood stuff. Oh i completely forgot to post and also finish typing this. anyway idk like what are even the chances of finding a provider in my area, who takes my insurance and is willing to work with me abt the copay, whose main modality isnt cbt, whos experienced in cptsd/dissociative disorders, and also who i click with as a person. idk. it feels completely hopeless lol and i know its not but like. maybe im fine rn like maybe i dont even need therapy really (least fine guy youve ever met voice)

but the other problem is i also need like, a social worker who isnt school-related and extremely overworked (god bless her tho omg) bc i need a lot of help getting like, case management and applying for disability etc. and just normal therapy isnt gonna help me when i also need those things. but i feel like most long term therapists arent also social workers and vice versa

and i dont even know what modality would be helpful for me. i know dbt WAS when i was younger, but now i know like. the basics, ive learned the coping skills etc. so idk if it would still be helpful? and i know like, somatic focused therapy or whatever would probably be helpful, because actually understanding what my body was doing and why and how that effects my mental health has been really helpful in the past. but also i feel like a lot of somatic therapists are... whats a nice way to say this. like a lot of the ppl ive seen either on like psychologytoday etc or on instagram reels are. the type of guy to buy dreamcatchers on shein and use cherrypicked parts of other cultures without understanding their cultural context. and, like, try to cure my dissociative disorder with reiki or something. Sorry im thinking abt the therapist i had in early 2020 now

idk i just dont really know what to look into even. bc ive heard good stuff from a friend abt emdr but im skeptical of emdr like, casually. like i havent tried it and i dont know a huge amount about it, but on the surface it kinda sounds like bullshit- yeah just look between these lights and think about stuff and thatll fix you. but i also understand how repetitive movement can be calming (#autism) and it makes sense that being exposed to those memories and also in a safe place would be helpful? and i like that u dont have to talk abt the traumas in depth out loud. but i also feel like thats more for single-event traumas or at least trauma that u like, remember

and i feel like being able to talk out loud abt stuff would help me. like having another person to bounce my thoughts off of whos not like. a friend. and is able to deal w that kind of thing. and is also paid to do so. And can also help me like. recognize when im being insane. but also Wont assume im being insane and that all my thoughts are fucking cognitive distortions

idk its just exhausting trying to figure out What i even want from therapy other than to Feel Better and stop losing entire months of my life sometimes and to be able to like. make phone calls and talk to people and not feel evil and insane all the time. and to be able to live away from my parents and have a life, whether that involves Employment or not. one of my short-term goals in therapy w a long term therapist would explicitly be to decide my long term goals and how i'll know i met them. bc i think talking abt the therapeutic relationship w my therapist up front is something that would benefit me. due to the avoidance.

idk. wgat everrrr.

[b1adie]

ur katpee raturine post is making me wonder if aventurine and ratio would even survive the hunger games ? u should become president bladie and host one

I WAS PUTTING A BUNCH OF CHARACTERS IN THAT HUNGER GAMES SIMULATOR SITE RECENTLY

here are some highlights. furthermore, i rambled (huge surprise i know)

anyways i love hunger games AUs (i love when characters suffer and die) so i will definitely spend a long time considering this. ive fully written out several with ocs. my first fandom was the hunger games ok i read all three books 11 times so now i have to ponder everything forever

i think aventurine would do really well with getting sponsorships and all that. well liked by the capitol. kind of a finnick type of guy. ratio i feel like wouldnt be as well liked, but still have a decent amount of sponsors since he’s strong and very smart so he’s got higher odds of winning.

okay wait they do kind of have peeta and katniss vibes like not THAT much but the crowd-pleasing good at acting guy and the NOT crowd-pleasing guy who is skilled in survival and not great at acting but unfortunately has to play along with blonde mans act to get ahead. i can see ratio doing that thing katniss did with shooting the arrow at the people supposed to be judging her and sarcastically bowing and going Thank You. For your Consideration. but i suppose he just throws a chalk.

i think a lot of people would want to ally with ratio but he would reject them. makes no sense if they’ll just have to kill each other later. aventurine.. hmm. well like i said he’s well-liked by the capitol which means he’s probably not as liked by the tributes, and considering he doesnt like to show his hand (haha card reference) he wouldnt have shown any skills he has, so no one would particularly have any incentive to ally with him. but. Ough. well. kakavasha. if we made them separate like in the quest and kakavasha was one of the kids that got reaped for the games. well lets not think about that too much or i’ll get sad

ultimately considering aventurine’s luck etc i think he’d make it pretty far and if he DID die it wouldn’t be an accident or a surprise, he’d have set himself up for it to either allow someone else a win, OR spare himself a more gruesome/painful death later. if ratio died i think it’d be an accident. i dont think anyone could actually kill him in a fight, but he could get caught or hit by a trap or he tried to be smart and go out to the edge of the arena but hit the barrier and got zapped. like i feel like it’d have to be somethign small, ONE thing he happened to overlook. but i think it’s obvious neither of them is winning alone. they win together or they both die OR aventurine deliberately sets himself up to die at the very end so ratio is declared the victor. i think that one is pretty likely and hurts in the best way so lets go with that one alright? aventurine eats some poisonous shit or smth in secret and ratio thinks they’re going to find a way to win together until aventurine is like. actively dying and admits what he did. Lol. 😆

[sickficideas]

omg maybelle im so sorry to hear that youre going through it … my liege we love you !!! i am also going through it, i feel you, we can be in these trenches together. may i offer you some assorted chronic pain hcs in the meantime:

atsushi is my chronic pain PRINCESS, especially his leg/knee because he is ALWAYS GETTING HIS LEG CUT OFF /STABBED / ETC WTF !! So i think he has one bad/weak knee (i dont remember which it is in the anime but i like to think its the left 1 bc thats My bad leg) and he sometimes has to wear a knee brace on bad pain days. i feel like everyone in the ada office slowly starts to clock in on when atsushi’s doing bad even just by how he walks in the door, cos even tho he tries to hide it he unconsciously shifts his weight around depending on his pain that day. so i think they do little things for him— bringing his papers to his desk rather than having him get up, trying to only send him on errands to single-story buildings/buildings with elevators and so on. i love the ada family that is always shifting just so how it functions to accommodate for the people within ❤️

chuuya is also my chronic pain princess but more full-body… ive always imagined that the genetic testing and experimentation fucked him UP along with being in a body that wasn’t meant to have an ability. so i think chuuya has all different joints that get achey all the time and hes just learnt to compartmentalize that shooting pain until he gets a chance to sit down in his office for a while. my poor overworked little meow meow. i think he also uses his ability to try to make it better! to take weight off of specific joints when hes walking/moving so that its less painful. and this is just One facet of my literal list of post corruption chuuya hcs do NOT get me started

i also feel similarly about sigma what with the not being a natural human, so i think sigma’s body just. Is Wrong sometimes, like it remembers that it wasn’t really supposed to exist. he’ll crack his neck or his back and then have to do it a couple more times until something clicks back into place. i also think sigma has bad eyesight… projecting glasses onto him too. in my mind ever member of kunichuusigzai needs glasses to some degree dazai just never wears his because he cant be assed and chuuya only wears his in the office.

other characters i have less developed chronic pain hcs about but like i Know they have it are poe, mushitaro and both of the akutagawas… ryuu especially though of course like ofc he always has chest pain that branches out to his back and neck and shoulders. of COURSE!!

ANYWAYS OMG IM SO SORRY FOR YAPPING SO MUCH ive just been brewing these thoughts for a while LOL i hope u feel better soon maybelle 🌼🌼🌼🌼 faithfully yours @s2reason-living

THESE ARE SO GOOD!!!! I'm so sorry it took me a while to get to these but they're so good and I love getting love headcanon messages from other people this is beautiful....

I am mentally adopting the Atsushi bad left knee headcanon....it makes so much sense and I love the idea of it being like quietly noticed by others and they help accommodate him 💖 and Chuuya😭😭😭 post corruption Chuuya has incredible potential I loved everything you mentioned and I love the idea of it getting worse over time....my poor sweet prince

Sigmas body being Different makes so much sense too and the bad eyesight HARD AGREE !! He has no idea for a long time until Dazai points out he needs glasses and he's like what??? When we finally gets a pair his life is changed...and don't get me started on chronlc pain Akutagawa AHHHGHH you're so genius from chest pain yes....my poor baby