#anyways i am very happy w what ive written so far!

[captainxandis]

Me, trying to explain the complex systems dragons have instead of genders in my book im writing to my cishet mom: so you see they have a warrior twin and a mage twin but their forms are malleable and dragons often dont choose a gender (as humans understand it) until theyre five or six centuries old, warrior and mage are just how the magic is divided between hatchlings because dragons are born in pairs and-

My mom, teasing me: wow these dragons have a heteronomative nuclear family! Didnt think youd ever write something like that

Me, about to cry: FIRST OF ALL THE MOM DRAGON IS A LESBIAN--

[butchviking]

could u describe your feelings about Cheerard

ogh man. i am like always going off about this 2 people but u put me on the spot like that i get scared. um.

well. first of all she represents freedom 2 me. gerard has clearly always been kind of a feminine dude, "i was a girl to a lot of people growing up" "i have always identified a fair amount with the female gender" "masculinity has always made me feel like it wasnt right for me".. he expressed this 2 some degree w stage looks, w all the makeup & everything, and sure mcr have always had adoring fans but he also very much has always always been called a fag mcr have always all been called fags on the regular people have not always been kind. and hesitant alien era he was clearly going thru a lot and thinking about a lot. and from that angle it just meant the world to see him like. openly crossdress in the public eye for the first time (we know he's crossdressed before but never in the public eye u know?) and look so HAPPY. with his friends who support him. and u could feel the love u could see it u could almost hold it in ur hands. that was true of the whole tour ofc but it made me wail and cry seeing his buddies giving him a hug and everyone cheering and loving and supporting him. as a gnc person who has also gone thru Gender Issues. and the fact that he was doing it all at 45 with grey hairs and wrinkles and sinewy middle-aged-man legs. there is a future u know. there is a future. and theres happiness there. and he just looked like he was having so much fun and not giving a fuck.. again, vibe of the whole tour, but it was so special 2 see him dancing and jumping and twirling..

also. hm. hard to know how to phrase this one without just copying out a previously written essay. as a woman, who also was once a girl, feminity is something that has often been forced on me. the world has tried to make it a prison for me and i have chewed through the bars kicking and screaming. and over the years ive stubbornly gone very much the other way and eschewed anything that could b considered feminine and viewed all things feminine as evil and as a cage. bc thats what that was to me. but the thing is that not everything deemed feminine is necessarily bad. ive avoided gentleness and vulnerability as much as ive avoided superficial aesthetic markers of femininity like skirts and pink and whatever. (and i have lost some kindness but i was a girl too and you were just like me and i was just like you..) and. hm. you know that thing transmascs sometimes say about looking at transwomen and being like "i forgot that womanhood could be enjoyed i forgot that it isnt the burden to everyone that it was to me"? well obviously i dont agree with that. but as far as feminity rather than womanhood i think thats a fair parallel for how i feel about gerard way. there are things i have run from that i see him enjoy and it makes me see them a different way. and it makes me see that it doesn't have to be a prison and by god i do not have to move myself from one cage to another. i'll never be an aesthetically feminine person it's just not who i am or what i enjoy.. and dresses and skirts are superficial things.. but him doing his silly little twirls in his silly little cheerleader dress is a very visual representation of something more. its very symbolic 2 me. and i'll also never be exceptionally feminine in my behaviours or personality either and that's not a bad thing its who i am and im proud of who i am. sometimes anyway. but. there are traits i could do with letting in. that have been hard for me to let in. he/she (that is gerard/cheerard fjdksk gerard is a he hes a real human man but cheerard is a symbol a concept a character and she's a she to me. sorry i dont make the rules my brain does) is a representation of all of this 2 me.

all of this 2 say gender is fake and u can do what u want and u just have to be yourself and be what u want 2 be and be what makes u happy and what brings love and joy. and u dont have to sit in a hole about it u dont have 2 write emily or drugstore perfume u dont have to wish u could bring her back from the dead or whatever. sometimes u just gotta wear a silly little cheerleader dress and go have fun. metaphor but also very real 2 me i WILL be buying a custom made cheerard dress and it will probably b the only dress i'll ever wear in my adult life fjfkkdj

[lostacelonnie]

Surviving is one thing but befriending the alt girls? Now thats thriving congrats on the friend acquisition. Oh yeah absolutely thats super cool of your mom. To be so chill. More parents should aspire to be so chill. Birds are just chill dudes who exist & you can see them & its great. Fuck gulls though. They're nice to look at but will be bastards if you have food in some places. Ive been trying to learn german here & there and it is. Something. Mood but for english. Who needs grammer rules fuck em. I dont know polish so i definitely cant say. You probably mentioned it that sounds familiar but dang. Well it at least wont be as bad? My joke answer is gay sex would be less gay than whatever bronya/seele & march/stelle have goin on. My serious answer is that but also that was really well paced & written. Svarog my bro. Love him. Cocolia confrontation had killer music & the interaction with preservation was cool too. Love fire stelle abilities. Mobile is tough but just gotta fuck it we ball through it. Ill definitely have to add rain world to my list. Dredge is like. Lovecraftian horror fishing sim. Its really neat. River city girls is a simple beat em up adventure game where you fight through town doin little quests on your way through the main one. Real fun easy controls & the soundtrack is real good. Please do id love to hear your exploits. Yeah i have work a lot & so does she plus her kids so i dont talk to mine much either. Im getting to the point in star rail where i am catching up like genshin so ill probably log in less on that too unless more story happens or an event catches my eye. After next planet story anyways. Im not far enough in simulated universe to do swarm disaster sadly. Just gotta. Level them characters as usual. Ps5 star rail gave me gepard which he's good but like. I want bronya

YEAH ITS GREAT and thank you!! we have different groups this year and im very happy ab this bc most of the popular girls im scared of that i shared a group with last year are in the other one now. so im chillen. yeah shes VERY epic hehehehe!!!!! love her. YEAH frfr i agree.... ab the gulls as well i almost got Physically Attacked by one when i was on a trip on an island near alicante cos i was hanging out in the sea and went towards a small island not far away from the shore. not knowing there was a gull nest on it. but i took the hint when one started Screaming at me like halfway through. god i am scared of these things. theyre cool but from a safe distance. and ahhh good luck with learning german!! i took 4 years of it in primary school and still dont know a thing. but its a very charming language so maybe when i get a solid hang of spanish, ill revisit it. tho it Is funny to joke with my friends ab how i didnt allow ppl to germanize me. german was mandatory under the nazi occupation and theres this one patriotic song with the lines "nie będzie niemiec pluł nam w twarz / ni dzieci nam germanił" [the german will not spit in our face / nor germanize our children] but these days its often used for jokes ab having to learn the language. and yeah i suppose thats true!! it is what it is. anyway. YEAH i actually agree with both the joking and serious part andkfnjjb ESPECIALLY the cocolia boss fight. GOD that was cool. i honestly dont use fire trailblazer abilities that much but yes she does come in handy. good luck with surviving on mobile o7 also keep me updated if you do end up playing it!!!!!! its unbelievably hard but like. in a good way. OOH BOTH OF THESE SOUND VERY FUN!! speaking of which i have so many games i wanna play..... but i literally just spent around 200zł [a bit under 46 dollars] two days ago [wait im gonna tell you how in a second]. which actually connects to dye update: i redid my hair since it washed off pretty quickly [but ah i look so nice in red] for the very event i ended up spending way too much money on. and yeah fair rn im actually going onto genshin more often than star rail bc the fontaine exploration + catching up on sumeru exploration is just. So fun. havent played swarm disaster yet either...... no time...... i have a Lot of stuff to do for school recently. its been like what. 2 weeks. and we already finished the first chapter from history and were gonna have an exam soon. which im Dreading btw bc for some reason i went for extended history in school despite being physically unable to remember dates. but hey at least extended geography is easy [so far]. so fuck it we ball. anyway ah congrats on getting gepard!!! hes pretty overpowered yeah but i want bronya as well [i say barely ever logging into the game]. which is pretty funny bc i already got 3 5* things on standard in star rail while being like 150 pulls in and they were two claras and GEPARDS LIGHTCONE. which i cant even use on march since i run her in clara teams in which i need the taunt on clara. Lol. but whatever. ANYWAY ABOUT THE EVENT uhhh you Might recall that i went to like a. con-adjacent thing last year. its actually just mainly for buying merch but a Lot of people go in cosplays. anyway i went this year as well and got a bunch of prints [of focalors, fischl, signora, silver wolf, kafka, and miku], and some other stuff [charms of himeko starrail, silver wolf, and kafka, as well as bronya honkaiimpact3rd and kafka pins]. and a very cute choker. so YEAH for the sheer amount of stuff i got id say its a very good price but i still feel bad ab spending so much money in one go sjdkgkgjh

[hariosborn]

 sirius black fic rec list!!

okay but imagine having sirius black fall in love with you...a concept 😌

the feeling that we’re meeting again by @writesowhatnext

cross house relationships!!!!! literally yall are missing out if you project yourself into the same house as your lover!! you’re missing out on the tension, the passion, the romance!!! and once you get out of hogwarts and that tension is still there!!! post hogwarts sirius!!! hes so hot!!! and grumpy >:) you can never go wrong with slowburn fics!! 

the risk of love by @with1love1anu

ive been following anu for foreeeeeever and she never fails!! her writing is always so good and shes one of my favorite marauders era writers <33 you’ll see as you go down this list - but i love pining fics like im obsesssssed!! ooo and this one has a hint of best friend james and it just makes the story 10x better! 

breakfast in bed by @wondernimbus

when authors are 14 years old but can write flawlessly even though i struggle doing simple short stories in english class 😘not but fr ysa is such a good writer xx. breakfast in bed! what would yall eat 🤔if we’re talking abt english food (like food from england) idk what they eat over there tbh but i would pick roasted potatoes and waffles for breakfast :) wait actually no i wouldn’t, id probably do french toast with powdered sugar, strawberries, and french fries. ik it sounds weird but i had that the other day and i teared up, it tasted so good. but in this fic they have something even better!! have you ever wondered what it would be like to have toast, strawberry flavored muffins, and fruit for breakfast, all from the comfort of your bed, with the one and only sirius black? well look no further bc this fic has that and everything more!! 

godmother by @blisfvll

jen does it again!! coming through with the godmother!reader x godfather!sirius fics <33 (shes on this list three times bc she just writes so much good sirius content 😫) not to be morbid but when im gone i want someone to talk abt me the way sirius talks about the reader 😔i just love the way the sirius talked about her so lovingly and treated her like this ethereal being and painted her like this angel bc that must be so comforting for harry knowing that not only are his parents looking after him but his angel of a godmother is too ♥︎

oh shit + pt2 by @im-a-writer-right 

big brother remus am i right! as the oldest child, i love reading fics where im the younger sibling bc i just want someone to be able to look after me and care for me and be protective abt who i date bc they’re like “ i just don’t want you to get hurt” 😔 but anyways - this was a rlly cute and funny fic! i love snarky sirius and butthead james and overprotective remus and scared of falling for her brothers best friend reader :) if you like those all too you should read this one 😌

warnings by @blisfvll  

i felt like i was watching a short film! i loved this one! its so well written that you can like watch the play by play of everything happening in your head, like its sooo good! im sorry i keep putting so many angsty fics on this list 🥺👉🏼👈🏼 they’re just all so beautifully written and jen is such an amazing writer <33 

just a natural fact by @iliveiloveiwrite 

MILLIE!! YOU DID IT AGAIN!! guys if you are not following millie pls do i freaking love her sh*t and shes so far been on every fic rec list ive made :)) back to the review tho! im a very big fan of those timeskip fics like where theres a scenario for every year at hogwarts - and this one is one of those and i just - AGHHHGH!!! idk if this counts as a slowburn but like as someone who injects themself into the hogwarts timeline and pretends to be studying for her NEWTS when shes really doing AP work - i love reading about study sessions w remus where sirius tries to interject himself so he can be close to you 😊i dont want to spoil anything but like the tagline “Break my heart. Break it a thousand times if you like. It was only ever yours to break.” RUINED ME!! and you know what! i’ll do it again! i will read this fic and let it ruin me three more times and ten more times and however many i feel like! so yes, if you couldn’t tell, i love this one, and you guys should totally read it

die for you by @blisfvll 

i like to torture myself with sad fics so now im passing them along to you so we can all cry together ;( domestic life with sirius is something so very personal to me 😌so ofc i jumped at the idea of being harry’s godparent along w hubby sirius! but do not be fooled by my review - this one is sad - but its totally worth it!!! the things we do for baby harry am i right?? i am right 😌

wrapped around my finger by @remusishotterthansirius

jealous sirius jealous sirius jealous sirius!! oooo and when he growls >:)) i love the idea of being like this unattainable magical being in sirius’s eyes and you’re just like completely unaware of his feelings and it just adds to the mystery about you like imagine him sitting with the marauders by the black lake and him picking at a flower being like “she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not” and then him being all sad and pouty once the petals are all gone and he was left with ‘she loves me not’ :(( but  n e  ways - this was so cute and so masterfully written and i just love everything this author puts out so do not be surprised if you see at least one of their works on every single one of my hp fic rec lists >:))

misunderstandings by @imagineitup

oof this one really played with my heart! you know those fics where someones feelings are painfully obvious and you just want the other person to finally realize so they can both be put out of their misery and then go on to have this cute relationship BUT NONE OF THAT CAN HAPPEN UNTIL THEY COME TO THE REALIZATION THAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF BEING LOVED!!! i love those fics and this is one of them :)))

thats all for my recs! sorry this ones so short - ive been drifting in and out of life, and school has been hard for me. there was a lot more to this list but a lot of my favorite writers have left tumblr so i dont have as much to share w yall 😔and theres obviously so many more amazing writers out there, im just sharing what i know! i’m thinking of just finishing up the other fic rec lists i have and then im going to move over to anime recs! ive been obsessed w haikyuu lately and theres a lot of fics i want to share with others - so if you guys don’t stick around for that i totally understand - but don’t worry im not making that switch till much later ✌🏼love you all so much! hope you’re all taking care of yourself, but dont worry if you’re not, its always a process so don’t put too much pressure on yourself to get stuff done and make sure to celebrate what you do get done! congratulate yourself when no one else will, and remember i’ll always be in your corner cheering you on! 

happy reading!

- love, hari !!

[thoughts-of-the-unheard]

ruin and rising and caraval spoilers and other book stuff

while i finally have time to write a post, lemme update yall on books

i read the sun is also a star during those travel days over (long story) and id previously seen the movie, unaware it was based on a book, and i Loved that book oh my gosh im so excited to give it to my partner to read i even considered mailing it to him and i finished both the shadow and bone series and the acotar series and frankly i had similar feelings about them in which i feel they were slow and long and overrated however,,, i love the acotar characters they were beautifully written and just fantastic it just took a while for me to get through the books also i think elain should be with azriel no offense but i dont care about lucien that much to want him with elain i mean theres nothing their but his claim on her and i dont like that and ik theres other books with nesta as the main character that touches on azriel and partner or w/e this gwen girl is but i really dont care, in my mind azriel and elain end up together all quiet and knowing and swords and gardens and happiness ill fight on this and with shadow and bone i loved nikolai i very much loved nikolai mal bothered me frequently but hes alright i was a little disappointed that alina ended up with him but their ending was adorable so i liked it, grudgingly but i liked it and before someone tells me i have to read soc now, i read them two years ago it look me this long to want to read shadow and bone and its only bc i wanted to have them read before i watched the show which i only wanted to do for my crows so theres that also what the hell is up the darkling x alina ??? first of all theres like nothing there i mean theres one kiss and the darklings words of ownership thats not a relationship thats not good in any way actually and did we skip the part about him being a terrible person?? i feel like thats very important he wiped out an entire village just as a threat like what get rid of him like i get it he had a rough childhood being so powerful whatever riko you lost anyway and died in the process next, i started caraval,,, which i got at bookcon 2017 yikes on me because this is fantastic im less than fifty pages from finishing and i really liked julian there was a second that i thought he was legend but when we found dante dead i knew he didnt do it and that somehow absolved him of the possiblity of being legend idk anyway thats a physical book and i usually cant bring it with me so thats why i finished two online books and am like halfway through a third but depending on the ending depends on how quickly im gonna find the second one bc rn im reading gideon the ninth and depending on how that ends i might have to get the second one of that faster idk well see anyway thats all ive got on what ive read so far 

[inyoursheets]

i got tagged by the lovely @missmaxime to do this fic writer tag game thingy!

Talk about the fics you wrote and tag 10 other authors you’d like to hear a little about their own insight of their writing!

* Favourite fic? And why?

warm water. i got......overwhelmingly emotionally invested in it. and i cant believe it’s over?!?!?!?! now what am i supposed to do w all my feelings?

anyway idk, i think it’s my favorite bc it has most if not all my favorite things, in terms of tropes, themes, setting, feelings. i really have a sense of the space they share so writing it felt like wandering around their apartment. and then stabbing them, repeatedly, with angst. plus i love the intimate friendship between them and just, messing with that?

and it’s the first longer fic ive ever written! ive been working on it for months, it’s been my pandemic buddy. makes it hard to compare to other fics bc they’re all a lot shorter and tend to be heavy on the smut, not so much on the plot. and it’s gonna be a while before i’ll so much as start another multichapter fic! so! it’s special!

(ok wait let me save your dash)

* Most intimate fic you’ve written?

id definitely say warm water, bc intimacy was pretty central to the fic as a whole? the intimacy of their friendship, how entangled their lives are, the whole dance of feelings? it also feels intimate bc of how much i accidentally injected my own feelings into the fic, so the vibe reads more intimate to me than any other fic ive written so far, but i think the quick exes!fic i wrote is a close second. or, maybe not that close. the intimacy in warm water gets a lot more space to grow thanks to the size of the fic and the slowburn aspect. but there’s something intimate there, too.

or....actually wait, i just opened my author page on ao3 and saw a fic i completely forgot i ever wrote that’s pretty intimate, too. how do i even... say that? is about learning how to communicate during sex, which, id classify that as intimate, despite it being 2k of smut? and in a sense the threesome fic is intimate as well. ok maybe i enjoy writing intimate fics? but warm water definitely wins

* A fic you’re ‘meh’ about?

uhhh well, in terms of quality, definitely my first fic, the bounce house guy!AU. and tbh, if the short pwps that followed would disappear, i wouldn’t lose any sleep. that said, for some reason, i have a lot of mixed feelings about the exes!AU i wrote? even tho i dont hate it in terms of the writing per se. ive mentioned it before, idk, i think it’s bc i wrote it so quickly and purely bc i was stuck with warm water and the instigator and i wanted a distraction. i need closure!? there was just a lot of crying ??? so im debating writing an epilogue a few years into the future (cough, wedding, cough). it’s at the bottom of my WIP list tho

* Which fic is best received by readers? And why do you think that is? And does it surprise you?

warm water for sure. i dont comprehend the stats for that fic, i dont comprehend the response to that fic as a whole, im absolutely blown away. safe to say i didnt expect it! mmm idk why exactly... i guess people like slowburn fics? and there weren’t that many friends-to-lovers fics (or roommate AUs for that matter) in the fandom as far as i can tell? but im not sure

i was also very surprised by the response to the beth/rhea/rio fic i wrote for ggpat2020 tbh. i didnt expect that many people to be into it.

* A fic you wrote for fun that now you’re oddly very proud of?

i definitely wrote both installments of the grocery store manager!AU just for fun and im pretty fond of them. i didnt tell anyone except @medievalraven i was working on the first part, which helped really write it for no one but myself. and part 2, oh my goodness, i just keep adding pieces of dialogue and sex positions and stuff just bc i like em. they serve no purpose. truly just for funzies.

although, slowly a plot started taking shape so now unfortunately i need to actually think about what im writing for the second chapter of part 2, but.....yes, very much a self-indulgent fic that im happy with no matter the response bc im writing it just to please myself

tagging @bathroombreaks, @mrslackles, @fairhairedkings, @storiestoldbyjazz​, @sdktrs12, @lilliloves, and anyone else who hasnt done this yet soz

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

[kinktae]

kinktae? i think you meant the sweetest & loveliest person ever 🥺💞💓

Anonymous said: rose deserves all the love and more rt if you agree 🤠

(warning: oodles of precious and dear anons under the cut)

yooniversus said: i faqing luv u (hehe get it) 💕💕💕🥺💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕🥺💕❤️💫💕💫💜💕💜💕💜💕💕💜💕💜💜💜💜 ok soddy i was just bored 

Anonymous said: i dont usually interact with fic writers but ur work is out of this world!!!!! the way you write dialogue makes it seem casual and natural flowing like how you would talk to a friend :)) connecting to the main character has never been a challenge for me, but with your writing its like i am the character instead of just some reader. i hope that you never stop writing as long as it brings you joy, and that this message makes you smile (even just a lil' bit) luv u!!

worldclasscassy said: i am so geeked over ur writing 🥰🥺

Anonymous said: uwu punch me daddy

Anonymous said: ur deada$$ one of the best writers on here, i don’t make the rules sis 🙈

into1995 said: heelo! sending all my love! 🥰 you have such a beautiful soul, please take care! we are here for you always. 💕

dejayoon said: take your time lovey! you deserve a break💜

Anonymous said: imagine waking up every day knowing ur rose...PHEW!! wish i could be that lucky 😪😪

lovesic-eunoia said: hey, sweetie. i know your anxiety has been making you feel like crAP and i'm here to tell you that it really does get better❤️, there's always gonna things that make you wanna quit trying to get better, but don't give up. anxiety doesn't rule your life, you do. i wish you the best through all of the ups and downs. you're a precious piece of life. much love ❤️❤️

Anonymous said: I love you

Anonymous said: saw u on my dash and my heart went lub dub

Anonymous said: I hope you take some time to yourself and enjoy hiatus! We love you!

evilkookie said: Your health is way more important than anything!! I wish only good and positive things for you and you feel better, take as long as you need for your Hiatus 💝💝

Anonymous said: I dont know if I'm late but take care of yourself bby! Health always comes first and I hope you'll be enjoying your time outside of tumblr! Will miss you but love you so much bby! -Bunny

miss-peys said: Hope all is well! I myself had to take a step back from school because my mental health was terrible! Hope everything is going okay in your personal life! Can’t wait for you to come back to tumblr, but please come back when YOU feel ready not because others want you to come back! Sending positive vibes your way! Can’t wait for you come back💜💜💜💜

Anonymous said: Rose my darling dearest I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you and I hope you’re doing well 💜💫☁️

Anonymous said: hi jared ilu xoxoxo

Anonymous said: I love u and I hope ur taking care of yourself and staying hydrated!!

googie-kook said: How are you doing lovely? Miss you loads and hope you’re feeling better! Love from London! 🇬🇧 💓💓💓💓💓

Anonymous said: hi bby! im just coming in to tell you i love you! and you are loved!! and i hope youre taking good care of yourself and doing all those good things to keep yourself happy and healthy!! and im super excited for your spooky fic soon! sending you nothing but the best !!!❤❤❤

Anonymous said: i’m really happy that you’re taking a mental break from social media(tumblr). i had to do that a couple days ago and it really helps. anyways hope you get better and you take time to heal yourself. i love youuuuu🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Anonymous said: Ur meat is huge, keep going.

Anonymous said: how are you being doing rose? hope you're well

hyzzzan said: I'm glad you're still here 🥰💜

Anonymous said: You are so good and such a cute human bean oof (are we still saying ‘oof’?) it’s really frustrating cause I can’t make u feel the intensity with which I mean it. You are so so so so good, your stories just hit different. Like next level shit. Your characters, stories, yo skills I swear if only I was half as good as you are at writing maybe I would be able to make u feel the intensity of my feelings.. I hope writing these masterpieces brings you as much joy as reading them does to me💕💕

Anonymous said: Your stories are soooo good! I am in love with them.

Anonymous said: I MISSED YOU. seeing the "hiatus" taken off your blog just made me so happy. I hope you're good 🖤 happy Halloween 🦇

Anonymous said: I'm rereading all your fics and I keep falling in love with your writing. Thank you for quality content. Also, I hope you're doing good!

Anonymous said: Hi love! I'm so so sooooooo happy you're back! Hope you had a great break and noe you're feeling better. But take your time with writing, exams come first. I still can't wait to read your new stuff tho! (On a side note, we already talked in private but I'm still shy, sorry) ♥️♥️

Anonymous said: Hi omg are you back?? I missed you 🥺

Anonymous said: rose ur writing is insanely good and whenever im having a ton of anxiety i read ur writing to calm me down so tysm for being the best ever

lorengarcia-yut

said: You're BACK! I'm so happy you're back! I really hope you are feeling good and happy. Just wanted to send you a lil welcome back message with a little love

monohoed said: Hey, hope you been feeling better? I love everything you’ve written so far and just wanted to let you know! I’ve struggled w mental health myself and I empathise ♥️♥️

sydney--chan said: I fr think I might die when you post a fic again like no cap ive missed you and your writing so mUCH🥺🥺🥺

Anonymous said: so heyyy idk how to say it buttt ily~~ ★☆~

Anonymous said: hihi rose ilu sm and i hope ur doing well, pls take care of urself bb 🥺🥺💜

Anonymous said: .........you are like so beautiful

Anonymous said: HEY IM WUV U AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!! 💕💕 I love all your work and I hope the best for you!!!

Anonymous said: ummm ma’am??? you are so beautiful and I am so gay??????

Anonymous said: I followed you on twitter and you are pretty, funny, kind, and creative. Biggest friend crush uwu

Anonymous said: Omg you should be a model. You're so gorgeous, I'm jealous. If I ever met you in real life, my self-esteem will go down. But I love you too much girl 💕

mazeyoongi said: i haven't had much time or interest in reading fics lately because i am so busy between work & college, but every time you post a new story i HAVE to read it. no natter how busy i am or what is going on, i always read your new fics. they are ALWAYS so so so amazing and you manage to keep my interest from beginning to end no matter who or what it may be based on. thank you for giving us such wonderful work. you're amazing! 💓

Anonymous said: You're so pretty I- TAKE MY HEART PLIS I MIGHT JUST MAKE A TWITTER ACCOUNT FOR YOU 🥺🥺😩😩 -Bunny

Anonymous said: wtf the twitter video, jeezus you are freaking stunning

Anonymous said: you‘re so pretty lemme suck your dick, it‘s only fair

Anonymous said: low key your facial structure is like perfect?? i'm kinda jealous?? luv u b

charlie-hatsune said: JUST FOLLOWED YOUR TWITTER AND YOU'RE SUPER PRETTY!!!

dazedaurora said: okay but like how tf is everyone around here so pretty?! you're an absolute doll 💖

i-want-to-bite-your-head-off said: I haven't been on here in a WHILE but hi hope you're doing well and ily uwu

sapphireprinces5 said: Hello!! I just wanted you to know I really love all (and I mean ALL) of your stories. I really want to be a better reader for all of you amazing writers who share their art with us. With so many authors leaving, I really want to do my part better! So, you will definitely see more from me when you update!! Excited to see what you have in store for us ❤️

Anonymous said: Omg hi lovely!!! I just wanted to tell u that you are a precious human being and I hope u know that

ktgguk said: uwu I hope you had a lovely day, don’t forget to drink plenty of water 🧸💗 keep being amazing at what you do!!!

Anonymous said: You’re so consistent through your work and everything you write is a phenomenal masterpiece! I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how do you manage to always get such a high word count per chapter. That probably sounds so dumb and I’m sorry if this wastes your time.

Anonymous said: I LOVE U SO MUCH THANK U FOR ALL UR HARD WORK IN UR WRITING AAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

justaregularcrazyfangirl said: So, hm... It's not an ask but i just read what you said about my little review and i just wanted to say that you managed to make me blush 😆 (urgh i'm not used to do this and it shows !) Anyways, i'm happy you found my review interesting 💜 I hope you have a nice day ~ "You nice, keep going" ! (And that's my cue to go and hide somewhere !)

Anonymous said: you're an amazing writer!!!

Anonymous said: pls rose u deserve ALL the love in this universe

Anonymous said: Ma’am!! We are your friends!!! That post was SO CUTE!!! Love U!! My heart is full of love and appreciation for your cute self

Anonymous said: I love you

Anonymous said: i love your stories for one, always have ever since I found you 🥺 you give me most of my inspiration to write and let my creativity flow but it’s so dang hard actually putting the words I want on the pAGE BENDK

Anonymous said: Do you ever read your own fics and be like "Damnnn I'm good"

Anonymous said: Oh are you sick 😥 Get well soon 💜

Anonymous said: Omg you speak French too?!! Is there anything you can’t do?!?! You’re such a smart girl 😭🤧💕

Anonymous said: I think you’re really cool and I wish I could be your friend. ❤️

Anonymous said: 💜💜💜 Hey love, idk if you've already deleted the app or it'll get barried in the inevitable avalanche of asks you're about to receive but I hope you can feel the love I'm sending your way nonetheless. You're my favorite writer and there's so question, i'll be here when you get back. Take as much time as you need and I'm very proud of you for taking the necessary steps to get better. That alone takes strength. I wish you the best of luck. -🌻

Anonymous said: Life is a pendulum between your fics and your ficsrec

Anonymous said: just wanted to slide in here to say i dont really like smutty stories, but damn yours be hittin different and im obsessed, so thank u for sharing ur work with us 🥰🥰

Anonymous said: hi! i’m a reader of your work and well, I completely understand where you’re coming from. exactly. 100%. so you take your time and love yourself like you know you deserve to. I support you!

bugznot said: whenever you decide to come back we’ll be ready with open arms. remember you are powerful but you can only take so much. breaks are necessary and important and i hope you are kind to yourself in this time

Anonymous said: Leaving this message for when you’ll come back: I hope you finally start to love yourself back, you take chances cause you believe in yourself and your abilities, you leap blindly because you have faith in yourself and you know where you stand. I hope you have learnt to love yourself, to demand more of others and you for yourself, because you are worth it. I hope you come back, rejuvenated and free of all those schemes that bring you down. Love you 💕

Anonymous said: Saw your most recent post and wanted to say that I hope you feel better soon. I understand how tough it is when it feels like you’re living a lie, but not to minimize your experience, I’m sure it’ll pass and you’ll feel more comfortable with yourself. We all love you here and are patiently awaiting your return. If you celebrate it, happy holidays! Hopefully it won’t be stressful for you and you get some time to relax! 💕

Anonymous said: take as much time as you need & don’t feel like you HAVE to write just because there are people waiting for updates. your real life & health always comes first but pls know that we’ll be here for you & only want the best for you. We’ll be patiently waiting for you & understand your struggles (or at least I do 🙃). pls keep your friends around you, stay in good surroundings with positive vibes & take care of yourself (& your dog aw). sending all the love to you!!!

peachishiz said: Hey Rose my love Dw u don’t gotta answer just popping in to say I love u so much and I hope ur doing good and stuff 🌸💕

Anonymous said: hi bby, i just wanted to say that i can’t truly say ik what you’re going through, bc every circumstance is different, but i really relate to you & what you’re going through. i teared up a bit bc i’ve had the similar thoughts & feelings (and i still do) but i think being open & vulnerable about it is the first step (& hardest) so i just wanna day i’m proud of you 🥺 i wish i let you know more how much i love and appreciate your fics, but i hope the time you take for yourself is healing 💜 Luv -⭐️

Anonymous said: Hope no matter where you go or what you'll do, you'll be happy with it. Lots of love and best of luck ❤️❤️❤️

Anonymous said: dude honestly , taking that step to take care of yourself makes me extremely proud and i dont even know like that. When i first moved to Miami i think i felt similar to how you do , i held a lot of resentment for myself and the life i led and its a sentiment i dont wish on the worst of my enemies. Im sorry you feel that way , but you know you have the strength to pull yourself out of your slump , and that's quite the feat on its own. Good luck and i hope happiness finds you soon. - A.L.Á

Anonymous said: heeeeey, I hope you take lots of care during ur hiatus. Stay hydrated, eat some tasty food, make yourself a priority, reach out for help when you need to, and life is like a minecraft house, sometimes it gets burned down, sometimes it gets attacked but in the end you always have the opportunity to rebuild something new, that makes you happy and satisfied. u rock, u r wonderful and amazing, ily

Anonymous said: Hi! Just wanted to say that your writing is brilliant. It’s okay to be going through a tough time. I’m proud of you for recognizing that you need a break and taking one. The year is almost over: it’s the perfect time for a lifestyle change or a new beginning. Do what you need to do. We’ll still be here. Love you!

Anonymous said: You’re doing great sweetie! Keep going ♥️♥️

Anonymous said: im not sure if you still have the app or not or if you'll ever see this but i love you 💓 & i know idk you but to see you taking steps toward loving yourself is so beautiful ! im still on that journey myself 🤷🏽‍♀️ & it gets hard but you gave me some newfound energy just now. good luck !

Anonymous said: I am so proud of you. You’re so brave for accepting the fact that you are not okay, and doing something to turn that around. Now you’re walking the path towards betterment. I won’t wish for you to not fall back into that hole, but that when you do, I hope you come out faster and stronger every time. You made my life a thousand times better through your works, I hope through this hiatus, you’ll be able to do that for yourself. I am rooting for you ❤️

sydney--chan said: Hi babie🥺 please take all the time you need for yourself. I am proud of you for taking a step back and realizing you needed change. You are very strong and I cant wait for you to come back better than ever:)

Anonymous said: Ah, baby! Just the fact that you opened up and came with this decision shows that deep inside you care for yourself and you are also really brave. YOU ARE inspirational, your friends aren't lying. So many of us can't stop being stagnant and that's ok too. But you, you are doing so much and you are handling this better than you see it yourself. You are mature enough to see that things are wrong and that you deserve to heal. Everything that's wrong is going to pass. (1/?)

Anonymous said: And the cloudy days are going to be gone. I believe in you and I hope you believe in yourself as well. Treat yourself like you would treat one of the boys, for ex (I know it sounds silly but... lol). Imagine if they were feeling down and if they made mistakes. Wouldn't you forgive them? Make them see that it is ok? Wouldn't you want to cuddle and take care of them? Treat yourself like that, please. Treat yourself like you deserve to be taken care of, because you do. (2/?)

Anonymous said: Try to date yourself, you know. Take yourself on a date, buy you something nice when you can, try not to tell yourself things you wouldn't tell other person (cuz I know you are the kindest to people). And it is ok if somedays you can't handle things the best way, but you're just human and it is okay. Allow yourself to be imperfect. We are all trying hard in this life and we are all making mistakes. I am proud of you for trying. Keep trying to be better for yourself. You are precious and (3/4)

Anonymous said: I hope everything gets better for you as soon as possible. We are cheering you up, also while you're on hiatus. Come back whenever you feel like it and don't feel pressured to please others. YOU are the one who matters here and you're amazing af. We are going miss this bright star that you are but be patient with yourself and take your time. Please, seek a professional and take care of your health. You are lovely and loved. Everything goes, my love ♥♥♥♥ (4/4)

Anonymous said: I love you so damn much❤️

Anonymous said: I'm proud if you, I get that this was a hard decision to take, and you still did it. So, I'm proud of you. You finally understood that you are the n. priority, so please treat yourself like it. Even if you'll be gone for the whole year, I'm still super happy ti hear this. You deserve this, as you said yourself, you deserve the world. I'm sorry to hear that you're not doing good, but I know that you can make it better. Please, remember that you're not on your own: ask for help if you need it. Ily

lorengarcia-yut said: I just read your post and I just want let you know that we support you! Your health comes first, please take all the time you need. I feel for you, cause in a way I understand. Please take of your self! May God bless your life cause it’s gonna get better. Keep going, don’t ever give up, and please keep pushing. You deserve better than what you’re going through. Bless your heart ❤️

Anonymous said: 🌹 I don’t know if you will see this but I completely understand what you are going through. I have depression and social anxiety, and it’s so hard for me to get out of bed in the morning to go to school in a city where I don’t know anyone. I just want you to know that I will always support you and I hope that this time away will help to clear your mind of some negativity and bring you into a new year with hopefully brighter days 💜✨☀️

minigalixies said: i hope you come back feeling better, love ♡ so proud of you making the decision to put YOU first !! it’s a hard, but VERY important, decision that i hope benefits you sO MUCH !! i look forward to seeing your new posts when you feel better mentally + physically !! ♥️

Anonymous said: I hope this break provides you with everything you need. I hope life in general gets easier for you, you deserve it my love. Your mental health is way more important than providing us with content. Please take care of yourself, we'll be here for you if/when you decide to come back. I love you.

Anonymous said: hello im here to state a fact: your writing is perfect

moonchild-love-letter said: Hi, how are you? I hope you're okay. Actually, I hope you're better than okay, I hope you've been eating well, sleeping well, and spending your days chasing your bliss. Your writing is a piece of art, whenever I finish a chapter I always feel so happy and blessed to have found your blog. I hope that happiness returns to you ten folds. I hope your days are filled with love. Thank you for sharing your work. Thank you.

Anonymous said: BABY ROSE YOURE BACK!!!!! I’m ready to spend my 2020 supporting your 10/10 writing and you on your life journey. GONNA SMOTHER YOU WITH KINDNESS AND LOVE 🥰🥰

Anonymous said: i admire u so much for being confident enough to put ur mental health first. school causes me so much stress and anxiety and makes me slip back into my depression so fast. i look up to u so much. im glad ur doing what makes u happy. 🥺

Anonymous said: HAPPY NEW YEAR BBY 💙💙 YOU WERE LITERALLY THE FIRST FEW BLOGS I FOLLOWED AND YOU GOT ME INT HE FEELS SO MANY TIMES AND YOUR THEMES ARE AMAZING AND YOURE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU YOU SMOL BBY -Bunny

tinievmin said: Okay so you’re my internet older sister now!!! Wow this is so cute 🥺🥺 Take care of your health, eat well, drink water, sleep, and be kind to yourself this year!!! Sending u love!!

Anonymous said: U ARE A BABY 😩😩😩😩😩😩

Anonymous said: WT FFFFFFF ROSE HAPPY NEW YEAR 🌟 u are backkkkk i miss u little bby 🤧💕

Anonymous said: While they say that army’s are toxic, i think I’ve never found so many people sharing one common interest with such an awareness and consciousness about complex concepts like loving yourself. I like to think that BTS deconstructed the cliché of “love yourself” into something more complex and difficult that u would pursue in life bravely, even through struggles, and not just a quote u find on aesthetic pillows. And I think you’re doing just that too with your stories and your journey. thank you💕

Anonymous said: hello! i'm a returning bts writer and so glad to see find you on here still!! i remember reading one of your earliest fics i love you

Anonymous said: You’re so talented!!

Anonymous said: hello miss rose how are you today? I thought id just come over to say hi and i love you so much you beautiful human being. I hope you and your little fur babies are doing well!💜💜💜💜

Anonymous said: hey, idk if you'll even see this, but i just wanted to say i'm in love with all of your fics. i don't even have a tumblr account, i just come to your page from google to read your stuff and see if you're doing well😳 i could say more but that robot verification keeps running out, so hope 2020 treats you well and you're an amazing writer!

pocketfullofsuga said: hey I checked who im following and it said you are one of my favorite tumblrs I mean they aint wrong though bby

Anonymous said: JUST WANTED TO SAY ILYILYILY AND I HOPE THAT THE NEW DECADE IS TREATING YOU WELL EVEN THO WE ONLY FOUR DAYS IN. ILY, STAY HEALTHY, LOVE YOURSELF. k bye 🥺🤍🕊🥰

[tayegi]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (That's how that last chapter of NR made me feel.) I just thought you would like to know how brutally my heart has been ripped to shreds and I thank you for it. I am so excited to find out what Jungkook's deal is.

Anonymous said:LUUU NEW RULES CH 11 HURT ME SO BAD OMMNNBGGGGGGGG FUCKIDKCUDKC WTF IS WRONG WIT JUNGKOOK

Anonymous said:Chapter 11 is out...WHAT THE ACTUAL FCK. I LOVE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW😭💜

bangtantannie said:Oh my god the New Rules update got me FUCKED UP AHAHSJ i screamed when i saw the notif and my heart goes out to the reader, especially when her and Mijoo were comforting Yerin. I gotta say I've had a few of those moments in my life and i had the same exact thought process

Anonymous said:i feel like IDGAF by Dua Lipa could be the theme song for the next chapter cos by then the oc wouldn't care anymore and cut off jk's coward coconut bitch ass uwu. anyway I love the new update! I was crying during the first part bec it was so heartbreaking and im on my red days lmao 😣😝 and when i learned bout yoongi's reason for doing wut he did i was shookt but it was valid tho and acceptable. the soft part after that was so cute tho. im gon continue this in a 2nd ask bec tumblr sucks

Anonymous said:I actually LOVE angst so much and you did it PERFECTLY - the mystery, the underlying story, the hidden pain, sacrifice, false front, and RAW RAW FEELINGS HNG i’m hurting so bad in all the right ways and i am so obsessed I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE THOUGHT AND LAYERS YOU PUT INTO IT; you have SUCH a beautiful brain

Anonymous said:JESUS NEW RULES IS AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER. Lu, I love how realistic all of your storylines are, how you make the characters feel real, and how you channel their emotions. This whole chapter was just wOW, SHIT WENT DOWN. I’m excited (and hella nervous) to see what becomes of the OC and Jungkook now that the confrontation has occurred. Love you Lu!~💖

Anonymous said:nr oc @ jk: boy bye im not available for the emotionally unavailable so sayonara coconut btch

Anonymous said:Lu... you did it, I'm about to cry, I'm glad my mascara and eyeliner are waterproof. Just the masked emotion of jk "not wanting a relationship" is fuckin palpable, like he acts as if lashing out on the OC will make her hate him, but she knows damn well they like /like/ each other, and w the society we r in, it's easy to shift blame on oc for "catching feelings" bc that's typically "what women do" but JK is so vulnerable w her so SHFJHSHD this ch was muy bueno, ily lu-🍑 anon

bangtandumbyeondan said:Every chapter of New Rules leaves me on edge and I love it but it also makes me screeeeeam because I never want it to end haha I really enjoy the whole series a lot thanks for writing it 🌼

Anonymous said:I'm sure your asks are flooded rn but iahcjsjfak MAN. I had to put my phone down like 6 times while reading this due to shock, secondhand embarrassment, and anger lmao I was feeling as crushed as if I was the one shot down oaudisjf I really admire the oc for standing her ground in that situation. I'm really rooting for her! awesome chapter, thanks as always lu xx

Anonymous said:NR 11 was so fucking lit wow, you consistently blow my mind every damn time. Tell them OC tell them!!! Toxic masculinity needs to go!!! Devaluing emotions need to go!!! Take! That! Trash! Out!

Anonymous said:just finished reading chapter 11 and now im in shambles 😭 i just want to hug the oc and tell her everything will be okay 💖

Anonymous said:The rollercoaster of emotions that this chapter produced was so raw. Having an amazing plotline like this is not super complex (like fantasy) but so intune to human emotions as the central point is amazing. You capture real human feelings of jealousy, pain, heartbreak and angst so fucking well, and I feel that I am part of this story. Thank you for gifting us with your writing Lu!

Anonymous said:that last line of dialogue... i am deceased

Anonymous said:Every since that "not like she left me" from JK i wonder if it is about his mother, and this chapter when OC talks about their mothers not raising them quite well i got that feeling again ughhhh I want to know so baaaad !!! this chapter really clenched my heart lu you are so goooooodddd thank you thank you thank youu i love you so much!

Anonymous said:you've broken my heart and crushed my windpipe with that new rules chapter. thank you so much for taking the precious time out of your life to write such an emotionally charged and thoughtfully written series, i am actually screaming. love you, lu. ♥

Anonymous said:your writing is so amazing:’) ugh my heart hurts from new rules but i love the paiN

Anonymous said:I FREAKIIINNNNNGGGGGG LOVE THE NEW CHAPTER OF NEW RULES MY HEART HURTS BUT ALSO I LOVE THE ANGST THAT LAST BIT WHERE SHE SAID "BECAUSE IT WILL BE SO EASY TO GET OVER YOU!" I CAN'T EVEN CONTAIN MYSELF IT JUST DESTROYED MY HEART SO DELICIOUSLY

Anonymous said:im having an aneurysm??? go OFF oc!! i know she may not necessarily be entirely right, but the ending scene really spoke to me as a woman who was gaslighted by an ex for a year after the relationship ended in much the same manner. i also really appreciated how you wrote the oc’s response to yoongi coming out both in character and sensitively. i want more yoongi and oc interactions now!! it seriously made me cry. your writing always makes me emotional in the best way

Anonymous said:jungkook has me very confused and i kinda wanna punch him in the nose for it, but those feelings are quite appreciated as it speaks to how highly intricate you've woven the story so far. i'm looking forward to when everything about his behaviour finally makes sense. until then, keep up the amazing work, lu. you're doing great! ^-^

acucarebiscoito said:"He doesn't love you. He'll never love you. No man has ever loved you before, and how could you have possibly thought that someone like Jeon Jungkook could've ever returned your feelings?" You got me here, I REALLY started to cry my eyes out. It hits to close home I cant even order my thoughts right now. It was perfect, every second. Thank you so much Lu, like always you are amazing and you gave me so much to reflect about myself. Thank you 💖💖

Omg you guys all have such intense reactions to ch 11. this makes me so happy! ive seriously had the scene of the OC running into the frat house and telling Jungkook off planned in my mind since ch 2, and ive been stewing over it for literally a fucking YEAR, so to see that it worked out and ppl feel so strongly is amazing. thank you bbs

[bungoustraypups]

inhales. my apologies for the um. accidental essay this became. i havent slept n i have feelings n ur feelings are simply so correct so i add:

bruh u literally hit on like. everything i been saying for sooooo long to my friends mostly (who agree tbh, bc i dont bother wasting time arguing w self-proclaimed “mori antis” here or on twitter or w ppl who are like “mori likers” is on their dni right next to terfs n fascists as if the two are even remotely close to being similar like bro get ur fuckin head on straight)

i have had to be very careful abt what bsd fics i choose to read, esp if they include skk as a romantic ship specifically and also include mori enough to have him as an ao3 tag and hes not there as a part of a ship (current, ongoing, romantic, and not past/broken up) w fukuzawa. and this is not solely bc i love fukumori as a ship/they r my biggest bsd otp and a comfort ship of mine lmfao. no. its generally bc ppl who ship soukoku and also ship/are ok w fukumori typically dont portray him as, at the absolute worst, any worse than he is or can reasonably be expected to act in canon. typically a lot of these fics are AUs anyway (i tend to personally read more AUs anyway bc i ADORE alternate takes on settings, on dynamics, on characters, on plot points, on events canon or otherwise, etc). like. good god my main contribution to the BSD fandom thus far n the thing im most invested in is a fucking next generation / fankid au ive spent an inordinate amt of time creating and developing n building lore for.

this is all to say: interpretations and depictions of characters which may not always be 100% true to canon, so long as there is a reasonable, understandable, either explicitly or implicitly present narratively explained reason within the story for them to be acting in that way, do not generally bother me. fics where everyone is happy n alive n living their best lives, bein silly, crackfics, chatfics, etc? bring me joy. i am fully aware that the portrayal i have for mori specifically, as hes the topic of this, as he is written within my (pride and joy which i love muchly) bungou stray pups canon-divergent next gen AU is not 100% faithful to canon. bc 1. i find writing that kind of thing in general boring, ive never liked doing this for as long as ive been writing fic online n posting it since age like. six. yeah, i was writing fic and posting it online on ff.net when i was about six lmfao shit was wild back then, and 2. the main like, Central Focal Point that this au focuses on? are next gens / fankids, aka children of existing canon characters and/or canons and OCs of mine within the BSD universe. and mori himself very much has children, with fukuzawa, so by virtue of that alone? i cant realistically portray him like. completely faithful to canon. bc that has not and will not happen in canon i can say that with 100% certainty lmfao. which is fine! its just. yknow. not a possibility. so while i take liberties, i have understandable reasons for doing so. BSPverse mori also has a detailed, extensive backstory which he does not currently have explained in canon (and if he ever does it is almost certainly not going to be anything like mine lmfao again thats fine i take pride in my works and interpretations i dont need them to be validated by canon at all. however ive had a lot of my friends/ppl who like my stuff be like “this portrayal of mori is so cool/my favorite/etc” and that never fails to make me softcore weepwave etc <3), and it involves events having occurred around and to him that affect how he reacts to certain things within the BSPverse. i am fully able to recognize this has no bearing on canon, which yknow, is not a big deal to me? but i also realize its means he, within this AU, is not 100% faithful to canon mori. whom i also love as a character, just differently. but like. its reasonably justified, and has a narrative reason within the story i have set up!

(unrelated note: i do not encourage ppl to like, be alright w this behavior nowadays btw i was actually s-xually abused online by adults as a child bc my parents abuse of me meant i got very good very quickly n at a very early age at hiding things including my online activities from them, which, if anything, should be like a huuuuge warning to parents to um. maybe dont abuse ur children lmao. dont scare them into “obeying” u bc then u get kids who end up like me aka mentally ill n traumatized from many different events all stemming from you <3 but i digress)

the reason i have problems and issues w ppl who portray mori in fics, typically like you (OP) said with romantic soukoku-centric fics, in the way described in the original post? is bc there is either like. literally no reason given for him to be like that outside of “the author doesnt like him or hates him or thinks (incorrectly, mind you, as this is a for some reason widespread fandom assumption that is so pervasive its gotten to the point where ppl will straight up harass, attack, and send death threats to/tell ppl who like mori to “kys” as if that is ever acceptable for any reason which it is not, but really? over a FAKE DUDE?) that he just loves s-xually abusing children or is openly/actively or otherwise interested in them in that way or seeks to gr--m children IN CANON, which has like never been supported w like any concrete canonical evidence btw but which they claim is 100% canon every time they bring mori up as if them saying it makes it true somehow. and bc they believe this, they turn him into this like. force of pure evil whose Main Goal in life is to harm little innocent children for no reason aside from his own self gratification.

like ok first of all if you are gonna like... write a fic, where u claim ur goal is to like. portray them as either close to canon as possible, or only using canon facts. but also you do this. im like. do the u who do this actually. like. hear/read what is being stated in the text on the paper in front of them. or are they simply like. letting their biases fandom-based or otherwise fill in the story as if its some kinda madlib game but with the canon material? and then just taking it as fact???? to the actual story???? i believe the skk-shipping tinted glasses ur wearing seem to have affected what u think canon actually is, and i suggest u remove them for a moment if ur gonna claim to try to be like. yknow. even a little bit faithful to canon portrayals/characterizations/personalities. like bro, if ur gonna write a portrayal that you KNOW is entirely ooc and in NO WAY rooted in the actual canon? go ahead! but for fuck’s sake stop lying about it to yourself and others holy fuck lmfao. thats all im asking.

and like. ok. i cannot stop ppl from writing what they want. nor will i ever try to do that. but like. most of these ppl dont just portray him in their works like this n Go. nah, they incessantly push the idea n belief n message that liking mori in any way is Never Okay and it is a sign of Depravity in anyone who does IRL and means that they are always ok with [insert whatever fucking evil act of heinous violence they feel like using today chosen via pickerwheel.com here] IRL in Every Case Without Question, and ppl who simply enjoy this character no matter how they do it, are inviting hatred and harassment bc why would a Good Moral Upstanding Person possibly enjoy this character? because i cannot see how someone may have a differing opinion, and i believe i am a good person who is always morally correct and good, that means anyone who Does enjoy this guy is Evil and Morally Wrong and Impure and thus deserves whatever i decide they deserve today!

and all of this. all of it. is based off of what is, more or less, a fan-held belief. which is not corroborated in a reliable manner in any way in the actual canon material. thats why i cannot engage in this shit at all. im tired of ppl trying to tell me that i am a bad person WHEN THEY DONT EVEN KNOW WHO I AM. like i struggle enough w my mental health. i dont need these fucking dickwads who think theyre the Ultimate Judge of Fictional Morality And Whether Someone I Don’t Know Online Is Worthy Of Being Online Or Even Alive Based On The Fictional Things They Like/Create. like. for fuck’s sake learn how to say u dont like smth/a character/a ship/whatever without. all this bullshit. you are hurting people whether you realize it or not. good people. nice kind people

there are certain subjects in fiction which make me so sick to my stomach i cannot engage w people who enjoy and engage/create stuff for it. i used to judge ppl about it, back in the day, but ive grown and like. i realize i cant do that all the time. but, to protect my own self? i have certain boundaries. i will block ppl for these things. however i wont say anything abt them as people! i just dont want them interacting, and i dont wanna see their stuff, so i block. and live my life.

i dont have a problem w ppl who are neutral on mori, dont feel strongly abt him, or hell, even ppl who dislike him like, i dont have a problem w them on principle. the only time a problem begins? is when ppl come after me or attack my worth as a person/whether im “good” or “bad” or w/e as if it fucking can be determined from my online presence anyway, or when ppl start fights w me over me liking him. in my online space. if u hate my mori loveposting fuckin block me mate! i wont come after you just block me lmfao i dont care ur an online stranger, im not gonna cry about it or try to doxx u or ur family, im not gonna hire an online hitman to take u out i fucking promise do not care abt how u feel abt me.

but i do not react kindly to aggression from online strangers, regardless of the reason. if ur lucky ill block u n get ur shit off my blog/tweets/threads/etc. but if im feelin zesty, then dont get mad when i call u out on ur frankly unacceptable behavior? if i bother u so much bc i like a fake man who is not real and does not exist in real life... dont speak to me. block me. move along.

but dont try bringing the heat to me n then crying abt it when i call u out man.

tl;dr: i love mori an autistic amount which is to say in a not normal fashion or manner or way or amount at all, and im not ashamed of that. i dont care if ppl are neutral on him, or if they even dislike or hate him. thats fine. theyre allowed. just dont bother me abt liking him and/or shipping him w fukuzawa. nor do i care if hes like understandably/narratively justified in being ooc in fanworks, or if ppl simply outright say “hey i know this is ooc but thats how it is here in this fic” im fine w that i dont care. what i care about is ppl acting high n mighty over what fiction they like, and acting like they then get to decide who “belongs” in “their” fandom like theyre the king or w/e based on their fandom likes or dislikes. like those ppl are what is making fandom more n more toxic n unsafe these days and i genuinely hope ppl who think like that step on legos which are on fire every day for the rest of their lives or until they start caring enough abt others to change their behavior lmfao.

since i caught up on the canon content ive been catching up on skk fics as well and i kept getting distracted by how mori is ALWAYS so ooc in them its so?????

i do understand despite dark era & fifteen & stormbringer we still have a sizeable knowledge gap about what happened between mori, chuuya (15-22), and dazai (14-18) but theres no way you can convince me he beat dazai up or experimented(???????) on him. or that chuuya is somehow unaware of mori's "dark" mafia business (news flash: all mafia business is "dark") or mori actively harming him for no reason like theres just no way.

first of all theres literally no reason why he would touch dazai physically. mori's logic isnt always perfect because utilitarianism itself isnt perfect but he does things for a reason and what purpose would hurting dazai even serve?? mori wants dazai as his right-hand man (and arguably, eventual successor) so the thing about his manipulation was always to make dazai think theyre partners-in-crime. and dazai did, because up until mimic thats exactly what they were: they scheme and plot and reign over other people's lives, together. tbh i dont think current dazai even thinks mori "led him down a dark path" or its child abuse or whatever moral reasons, he's still mad and bitter as hell about mori simply because he feels betrayed by the man. they were supposed to be in this together, y'know?

and then theres chuuya. morally upright, kind and just and caring, chuuya. lol. dont get me wrong mori definitely doesn't tell him every single morbid details about his scheme of the day (chuuya's morals are not quite dazai's), but theres just no way chuuya gets to executive position without having his hands/knowledge in every pie of the mafia business. plus, chuuya's a very important asset to the mafia, too important for mori to discard/hamper/harm unless theres an extremely good tradeoff. i think a lot of fanon underestimated chuuya's contribution to the mafia tbh, hes not merely valued for his combat power (though he has a significant amount of it) thats akutagawa's position as head of the combat forces. chuuya was recruited at 15 and immediately trained not to fight but to manage mafia's assets and business partners (under kouyou's tutelege), and his first significant position, after only a year of joining, was handling the mafia's entire jewellery trade. even people he hung around (the flags) were among mafia's leadership ranks and candidates for executives, and then theres the fact he was dazai's partner and expected to keep up to him. hardly any of which had to do with fighting on the front lines, in contrast to akutagawa whose only value-add to the mafia, even after six years, was rashoumon. in my opinion these positions showed mori actually regards chuuya very highly (and ironically values his capabilities way more than fandom on average) so then again if there ever was a situation mori wanted to harm chuuya the payoff better be huge for it to be worth it in his eyes.

tangentially related: not excusing organised crimes or the mafia elsewhere, but in-universe the port mafia under mori has been implied to be "cleaner" than under the old boss's reign multiple times, so tbh i dont think their illicit businesses would ever be enough to cross chuuya's - extremely sketchy - moral lines. at 15 he was fighting turf wars with the pm and didnt hesitate to go the extra mile 3000m above ground just to personally hunt down an enemy, and at 16 he ran the illegal jewellery business for money laundering and his only worry was not catching up to dazai's achievements (read: crime list). we do know for sure the pm doesnt dabble in the drug trade at all (dazai outright said any member touching drugs are to be disposed of and implied he had killed subordinates before for being unclean in dark era). human trafficking & prostitution is 50/50? they do make a nasty habit of employing underaged kids and especially those with abilities but then so does the ada and the government/military (yosano? tachihara? anyone) so maybe minor labour laws in bsd-verse are just that bad. other than that just i just dont see chuuya having a problem with other mafia stuff like weapons trafficking (pretty sure the sheep did this too), arson, extortion, bribery, fraud, counterfeiting (his bestie was pianoman lol), gambling, theft, murder (again lol). i had to pull that list of mafia-related crimes off wiki lol

anyway i guess people want a villain for skk and mori's sure no good guy but theres no need to make him so ooc guys. to be frank once you make mori ooc skk themselves become ooc as well because now dazai and chuuya are ""absolved"" of their mafia crimes but look like total weak-willed idiots who do whatever the big bad mori tells them to. and wheres the appeal in those characters?

[dangermousie]

Reading list for the month - hooray for the Middle Ages!!

I’ve not really been watching much lately (except that I just discovered the Legend of Fuyao and it’s AHMAZING) but I have been reading a bunch, hence the reading list. I also have a v short attention span so while I am not reading all the books listed below that I recently got and/or put on my kindle, I am reading about five of them at once.

As you can tell, I am on the Middle Ages kick right now. Also, as you can tell, current historical crushes are apparently William the Conqueror and Edward the Black Prince and Richard III (always.) Hmmmm.

Valerie Anand, King of the Wood - how many novels are there about the time of William Rufus aka Fabulously Gay aka Killed By Arrow Mysteriously Probably By Orders of Baby Bro? This one revolves around William and Ralph de somebody, a minor nobleman who comes over to get lands and power. Ralph is young and hot and William fancies him and even though Ralph is not inclined that way, he is not going to turn down a roll or dozen in the hay with the king if it gets him closer to his goal. Apparently this all leads to mixed results, eventual death of William, ancient pagan rites, Ralph getting some land and a hot wife, and overall a very sympathetic portrayal of William Rufus. I have not started yet though.

Anna Belfrage, The Cold Light of Dawn - the fourth and possibly last in one of my favorite medieval series that follows the lives of a minor knight, Adam, and his arranged but then more, wife, Kit during the reigns of Edward II and III.  This is such a lovely lovely series and this book so far is as good as the rest. Adam is a protege of Roger Mortimer (of the “de facto ruler of England, lover of Queen Isabella’ fame) and when the book 1 starts is slated to arrange marry a spoiled aristocrat who is missing so her family hastily substitutes a bastard daughter and lieeeees. The books follow them as they fall in love, reveal their secrets, try to survive in a pretty horrible time period etc etc. Adam eventually becomes close to Edward III which causes all sorts of internal conflicts. Book 1 is probably my fave (though second half of it is a giant trigger warning as Despenser takes Adam and, to lesser degree, Kit, under his notice) but all of them are good and the latest is wonderful as always. Frankly, by now, I love the lead couple so much, I could just read about them going about their business in their residence for 500 pages.  

Anna Chant, Three Times the Lady - I can’t believe I found a novel about Judith, first Countess of Flanders! If you do not know who she is, Judith was a daughter of a Frank king who married her to a much older king of Wessex. When the old man died, she married his grown son (this was a few centuries before the Church would have fits about this) and when that man died, she returned back home. Daddy King did not want to lose such a valuable bargaining chip (who was still quite young) either to make her own marriage or to be taken by some lord via kidnap so he stuck her in a remote fortress while he decided which potential husband would make the best bargain. Ummm. Hunky Baldwin was guarding the place, he and Judith fell for each other and with the help of her brother ran off and got married. Daddy King lost his mind, took Baldwin’s lands, the lovers had to go to the Pope to beg for help blah blah eventually Daddy King cooled down, Baldwin became the first Court of Flanders and got nicknamed Iron Arm for how hard he fought to protect his father in law. So basically, this is a RL medieval romance, of the “hot dude in chainmail holding pretty lady on cover” variety. Seriously - I am very surprised this is the only novel of her I know. I realize records were not as good as they were later but this just gives more room for license. I am quite excited to read this since I’ve read a couple of other books by Chant set around that time and loved them.

Joanna Courtney, The Conqueror’s Queen - Matilda, Mrs the Conqueror. Hmmmmmm. I am about 1/3 in. The book’s odd insistence on Matilda liking but not loving William despite his being amazing in beddddd and generally a stud muffin of stud muffiness is a little odd (it’s just an odd combo) but it’s a fun light read. What I would really love is for someone like Sharon Kay Penman to write a giant doorstopper of a series about that reign.

Joanna Courtney, The Constant Queen - about Elizabeth, the Russian wife of Harald Hardrada. I am about 60% in. It’s not as good as it could be (it doesn’t make Harald interesting which, even reading a short summary of his life on wikipedia - the man had an insane life) but it’s about a subject that’s not novelized often or even that well-know (in fact, prior to this book, the one thing I knew about Harald was that he was defeated by Harold Godwinson who then had to take his exhausted troops and march to fight William the Conqueror. If not for that, England now might be ruled by Harold’s and not William’s descendants.) Also, Elizabeth herself is likeable and the author does a good job on selling me that the two loved each other even while not falling into the trap of making the relationships modern (Harald has a hand-fast wife because he needs sons; it’s not much of an issue etc.) It’s a pleasant beach/travel read.

Dorothy Dunnett, King Hereafter - my favorite stand-alone period novel of all time and I am gonna reread it and bawl. It’s about Earl Thorfinn of Orkney, who Dunnett supposes to be the basis for historical Macbeth. It is simply the best historical novel ever written and if Thorfinn/Groa don’t move you, you have no heart. It’s also a rare book where people feel like people of the period, not modern people playing dress up.

Parke Godwin, Sherwood/Robin and the King - I used to love this bleak, emotional, amazing duology which moves the story of Robin Hood around the time of the Norman Conquest. I just got my hands on it again.

Karen Harper, The First Princess of Wales - ok, this is pretty much a romance novel. About Edward the Black Prince and Joan of Kent. So bring it on!

Justin Hill, Viking Fire - a novel about Harald Hardrada whose life I am fascinated by now

Thomas W. Jensen, As a Black Prince on Bloody Fields - I am currently about a third into this and loving it. It deals with basically the first half of the life of Edward the Black Prince, who is one of my favorite historical what-ifs. Oldest son and heir of Edward III, the Black Prince was a hell of a medieval warrior, very involved in Crecy and in charge in Poitiers, two of the three biggest English victories in the 100 years war. In the latter, heavily outnumbered English captured the French king himself. Also, interestingly, he married for love in quite a scandal. Instead of marrying a foreign royal, he married an English noblewoman, older than him (she was 32 when they married!!!), a widow with five children AND a scandalous history (her first two husbands had a fight that went all the way to the Pope about which one of them was her actual husband. There were secret marriages and all that.) He married in secret, his father eventually came around etc. He would have probably made a King in the scary but effective mold of Edward I, but on one of his campaigns, he contracted one of many nasty medieval diseases -  dystentery - which crippled and eventually killed him shortly before his father died, leaving his small son to become Richard II.  If the Black Prince was better about drinking clean water, Edward III would have been succeeded not by a small child who, as an adult, wasn’t particularly cut out for the rough business of medieval Kingship, but by a competent and scary adult warrior. Thus no Henry IV revolt (do you really want to face the man who almost conquered France), no war of the Roses, no Tudors, no Church of England. Anyway, he was a fascinating man, in some ways an epitome of medieval warrior class ideals but probably because of that, there aren’t too many novels about him in the last whatever years. Like Henry V, his virtues are a bit too alien for the modern world. He is VERY medieval. But I find him fascinating beyond measure and deserving of more books about him, so this excellent excellent novel is such a pleasure.

Susan Fraser King, Queen Hereafter - about Margaret, wife of Malcolm (of the son of Duncan, killer of Macbeth fame.) I know little about it except the topic interests me.

G. Lawrence, The Heart of the Conqueror - Matilda, again. Matilda here is portrayed as rather an anti-heroine, vain, ambitious and picking William because he’s the scariest and most capable man she met. They are monsters in love (though, frankly, their attitudes are not such much monstrous as early medieval) and I do love them so. I find it quite odd that the author chose to start her novel with the apocryphal story of Matilda insulting William’s courtship and calling him a bastard and William riding in to beat her up in her own father’s town and her deciding this is what she digs in a dude. Lawrence makes the beatdown, already possibly fictional, quite brutal, so it makes me wonder if Matilda is insane to decide William is it because of it. Also, he never lays a finger on her again so wtf. Oh well, historically they did seem to have a rare successful marriage so there is that - I don’t mind him being a good husband since it’s historically accurate, it’s just the weird start to the relationship that makes me boggle.

Rosanne E. Lortz, I Serve: A Novel of the Black Prince - you can tell I am on the Black Prince kick, right? This is about a squire to him and looks quite interesting but I haven’t read it yet.

Isolde Martyn, The Knight and the Rose - sometimes you are just in the mood for an angsty but happy medieval romance.

Anne O’Brien, The Virgin Widow - Romancey take on Anne and Richard III? Yes PLS. If I like this, I might end up getting more of the author’s books as she appears to specialize in known but not super famous medieval women with strong romantic relationships, so YES. I did find it tragically amusing that in order to make the end happy (I peeked), she ends before all the bad stuff happens - their son dying, Anne dying, Richard being killed etc. But then I bawled with the Sunne in Spendour so....

Edith Pargeter, The Brothers of Gwynnedd - reread. It’s a great, epic, tragic, poetic tale of the end of the Welsh independence and surprisingly, in light of all the tragedy, somewhat of a comfort read.

Judith Merkle Riley, A Vision of Light - about a widow of a medieval merchant, this has been recommended to me by multiple people. We shall see.

Anya Seton, Katherine - I read that book so long ago, I barely remember anything. But it’s a classic and Katherine Swynford has always been interesting and I am a sucker for RL romance so reread!!!

Freda Warrington, The Court of the Midnight King - a fantasy AU of Richard III where he gets to live and be happy with his mistress Kate (modeled on mother of his illegitimate child in RL) Oh YES.

[jooheongif]

it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so  yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️

[positivelyamazonian]

Microreview Round Seven: BOOKSHELVES

This round is open to interpretation, so don’t let the word bookshelves stop you. Whether your collection is big or small, physical or digital, your parents’ or from the library, it counts as a bookshelf here. To play: answer the prompts and tag your friends to do the same. Optional: use #microreview and check out @microreviews  for “rules,” reviews, and more!

I was tagged by my dearest @luluvonv and... how could I not do this? I’m a bookworm through and through. I’ve always dreamed of having a big, wide library for all my books, plenty of bookshelves, and with appropiate conditions - that means, in glass cases because I’m allergic to dust - and I finally achieved it! Right now many shelves are still empty because I expect to fill them throughout my life... but the space is prepared! Let’s do this!

What genres or types of books dominate your shelf?

Mostly related with two - rather three - themes: History, Art, and religion. The two first because I’m a bitch for History and Art being myself a History teacher, so I love having a History-Art related books - that means, no historic novels, but actual History and Art books. 

The religion ones - not just my own religion, the Catholic Roman Christianism, but also many others - are related with a main field of self-research I’ve been conducting for years. I’m a Christian believer but also a feminist - I can’t start explaining how hard is to live like this among this community - so my personal research dwells among the strongest and most inspirational women of my religion: the female martyrs. That’s why I buy, collect and search with passion everything related with this heroines, from holycards to postcards, to books, to photos and travelling to the places where their remains rest, if they still exist. 

Hell, I even rule a blog where together with other friends I used to write and share articles by myself about these women. In fact I still own some copies of a compendium which was kindly edited by a friend of mine, an Orthodox Romanian priest who had the gentleness to include my articles in his personal publication - I’m noted inside the book, btw. I can say it’s kind of, my second publication after Irene, my first novel.

One of my latest purchases in this matter is a double-volume in Greek and Spanish from the Life and Miracles of Saint Thecla, an early female preacher known as the Protomartyr of Women because she was the first known Christian woman to be killed for her faith, but also the first one known for being a public preacher, disciple and equal to the apostles. I was happy I got this ancient text (II century) also in the original Greek, since it’s been a while since I practiced my Ancient Greek skills.

I also got a big, complete book about St Lucy of Syracuse in my last trip to Venice. It’s my hope that people who reads this know that these are not just pious and devotional but also historical, artistic and archaeological books: I try to find the woman behind the myth. These women existed, they were real, and it’s my hope to write, some day, a book about them, so that believers and non-believers can realize they are far more than just beautiful statues in churches.

Anyway, apart of these related issues, I own a lot of historical novels from my young times before going to the university, when I thought History was something else. Now I mostly dislike them, they are just entertainment and if I read them it’s just for fun, like the amazing Pope Joan I’m reading from Donna W. Cross, a fantastic, well-researched novel... but a novel, after all. Just like any other historical novel. They are not real History. One must seek harder if they want to learn actual History... and study, of course.

Ah, yes. I not only own oddities and weird books. I also own a lot of epic fantasy novels, which are my personal fun and enjoyment, and also a lot of Spanish and Catalan literature.

What do you wish you had more of?

I wish I had more ancient texts and good editions of the basic enciclopaedias and compendia I need for my researches. But they are either too expensive or written in languages I don’t know, like German or Arab. I learned Italian to have access to good stuff and I’m satisfied with my progress as I’m a self-learner, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to read in German or Arab. And this is my great frustration.

I wish I could afford also many facsimiles of Middle-Ages books with all their illuminations, but they are terribly expensive too, despite being copies - the originals are kept in monasteries/museums, as it must be -. Fortunately my deceased father-in-law enjoyed to collect some of them and could afford them, so I’ve inherited many from him.

I wish, also, I could have my favest books in their original languages and not just Spanish, like The Lord of The Rings by Tolkien. This is more affordable and possible, so I don’t discard I’ll be doing myself and original-written-language-books shelf one of these days :D

And of course, more books about Art. You’ve never enough books of Art, believe me. You can claim you know a lot about Art and own lots of books and visit lots of museums but I can tell, you still don’t know shit about Art.

Smallest book?

I have a little selection of the main books of several religions, namely the Bible for Christianism, Torah for Judaism, Al-Quhran for Islam, Tao Teh Ching for Taoism, Bhagavad Gita for Hinduism, and others. The sacred books are not whole, complete editions but most of the text is included. I purchased them because I’m a sentimental and also, they are cute as a button. They even have their own mini-shelf :D

And yes, they are just inches and can rest in the top of my fingertip - no way I could do this while taking a photo with my cell -. That’s why I’ve never actually read them - I’d destroy them!!! The only ones I haven’t read, I must confess, and I will never read... but I have larger versions of these too, so no problem :)

Largest book?

A perfect facsimil of the Martyrologium Romanum of Don Pedro de Aragón, a Middle-Ages big illuminated manuscript which depicts the feasts of each Saint of the day and scenes of their lives/martyrdoms. This one is so big and heavy I need another person to help me to carry it.

Of course, it’s not literally mine because I could never afford such jewel, I inherited it from my father-in-law after he died. Now I keep it this way, open as to enjoy the illuminations as if it was in its original context, a monastery’s scriptorium.

There are other facsimiles I virtually own but I am still to decide how to display them on my bookshelves, including a big, original Bible engraved by the always amazing engraver Gustave Doré, unfortunately very damaged by moisture. Some of them are too big, some of them are smaller, I just need to study them and figure how to place them correctly in the glass cases so they can shine open. There’s no point in owning an illuminated facsimil if you can’t enjoy the illuminations on a daily basis :)

And of course, I can read them too. Though I must confess my Latin is quite rusty right now...

Oldest book? Newest book?

Oldest:

A Rome travel guide from 1870, written by D. Severo Catalina. And I’m serious!! It smells of moisture and dust. It was given to me as a gift by an old aunt and you can read a lot of things about how Rome was in XIX century. In fact it describes many places and artworks and monuments that, after two World Wars, don’t exist anymore...

Also I used to own a Flos Sanctorum by P. Rybadeneira from 1619, but I had to return it to the person that give it to me because she regretted her decision (no comment). Fortunately, there’s plenty of access to this old text in Google Books. Anyway it’s not a really valuable text from a historiographic point of view, it’s just pious literature like the Legenda Aurea by Jacopo della Voragine.

Newest:

Santa Lucia a Venezia, by Giovanni Musolino.

As I said before, I just came back from Venice with a fantastic book about Saint Lucy of Syracuse, a IV century Sicilian martyr whose body is kept at her church of this city. I’m very pleased with this book because it contains the kind of information I need for my research: archaeology, history, paleography, historical proof, because God knows I had enough myths and legends and cute stories. No offense intended.

And yes, thank God I learnt to read in Italian. I won’t have a single chance of understand all this without it.

Does anything live there besides books?

In the bookshelves I’ve destined to epic fantasy and “nerd-related” novels and enciclopaedias I have my very recent TR collections of figurines... also in other I’ve some curious book-supporters related with Tolkien universe (Gollum, a replica of the Argonath, a replica of Minas Tirith) and other nice stuff, like the half-angel-half-demon from Angels & Demons movie.

Anyway, I’ve lots of books right now but I’ve only reviewed the most I have. I love the classics of Spanish and Catalan literature and I own copies of them, from Rimas y Leyendas by Bécquer to Cien Años de Soledad by García Márquez; from Tirant Lo Blanc by Joanot Martorell to La Plaça del Diamant by Mercè Rodoreda. And God, some Arab classics by Naguib Mahfuz, Amin Maalouf; and novelists I absolutely love like Isabel Allende or Amy Tan. 

I must stop here. If anyone wants to know more about my book heaven they’re free to ask. Also I decide freely not to tag anyone, whoever sees this is encouraged to share its book heaven too. As for me, it’s not just the place of my pleasure but also the place where I work and where I’m just now sit typing. In fact, you don’t see my library in my TRAOD live streams because a big chroma is displayed behind my back when I stream, but if I lifted the canvas you could see perfectly it :D

Anyway, enough! Thanks for this little personal moment and let’s continue the fun!

#microreview

#bookshelves

#bookshelf

#personal

#book he

[justintimbershit]

1-99

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?XO - John Mayer Cabaret - Justin Timberlake Lights On - Shawn Mendes Bad Habit - The KooksHow Would You Feel - Ed Sheeran You’re Gonna Llive Forever in Me - John Mayer

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?literally John Mayer so I can ask him why the FUCK he played XO in Chicago and why that was only the 10th time ever and first and only time of TSFE tour he played it

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.“Mom’s stumped us. We had absolutely no idea who she’d dredge” (I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson)

4: What do you think about most?how terrible life is and then how much i wanna die tbh

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?“Jena should i get dropped off at your house then we can go get joe & julie?” IOWA TOMORROW FOR ED :DDDD

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?always w shirt but no pants lol

7: What’s your strangest talent?hating life as much as i do idk i have no talent

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)girls r hot n nice boys r hot n mean

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?yeah bc we were in love lol :(

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? idk i usually dont

11: Do you have any strange phobias?feet, being alone but also being in large crowds, idk theyre not very weird

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?no?

13: What’s your religion?idk man none atm prob

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?looking forward to going inside. but working and therefore reading.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind bc i am ugly lol

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?um probably panic at the disco but then also the killers

17: What was the last lie you told?“its fine” bc no it is not fine i wanna fight

18: Do you believe in karma?ya i think so. maybe

19: What does your URL mean?i like Justin Timberlake and also swearing

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?weakness is probably just who i am as a person and strength is idk i dont have any

21: Who is your celebrity crush?lmao. you say this like i have one. i have many. like thousands.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?nope

23: How do you vent your anger?talk to someone usually

24: Do you have a collection of anything?movie/concert/sporting event tickets and also empty gatorade bottles on my floor

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?phone bc im ugly

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?eh. better than what i was but could be better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?hate is my sisters voice lol love is john mayers voice bc he sounds like a fuckin angel

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?what if i was someone else but not really someone else just like what if i was me with a better life or a differnt life in which things didnt always go so terribly for me ya know

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?ghosts maybe but aliens def

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.right arm some paper hanging off my nightstand and left nothing

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?the faint scent of clean laundry and lotion

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?hm.. great question. i feel like ive been to some pretty bad places but i cant recall any???

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?ive never been to either but east coast i think

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?justin timberlake bc hes one of the most attractive men in the entire world

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?bein happy, doin what you want, livin

36: Define Art.something someone creates

37: Do you believe in luck?yes i do

38: What’s the weather like right now?humid i think

39: What time is it?9:41 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?nope to both

41: What was the last book you read?i recently finished “The Upside of Unrequited” and now im workin on “More Than This”

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?no i hate it it makes me nauseous

43: Do you have any nicknames?jules

44: What was the last film you saw?o fuck um fist fight maybe?

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?the sunburn i got in florida was terrible bc i couldnt walk for a day so im gonnna say that

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?no :(

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?brandon saad being a chicago blackhawk again, tommy la stella, john mayer, reading gay books

48: What’s your sexual orientation?bi

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?uuuuum possibly ??? idk

50: Do you believe in magic?nah but also maybe

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?in my mind yes but most of the times my actions dont reflect that especially if its been a while

52: What is your astrological sign?sagittarius

53: Do you save money or spend it?both. i allow myself to spend it as long as i still have a decent amount saved

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?lunch at panera lol

55: Love or lust?neither bc they both suck when ur alone

56: In a relationship?no lol

57: How many relationships have you had?zero

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?nope i am not talented like that

59: Where were you yesterday?yesterday. i think i stayed home all day then me mary and joe hung out and went to get milkshakes at steak n shake

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?the inside of the bra bra sitting waiting to be put away lol

61: Are you wearing socks right now?indeed

62: What’s your favourite animal?sloths my fav

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?i dont have one bc if i did ppl would like me, tf

64: Where is your best friend?at home id assume

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.whats tumblr

66: What is your heritage?im italian but i was born here and so were my parents

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?watching an episode of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia before i showered

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?satan satan

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?yeah lmao who hasnt tho

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?i think so sometimes but other times im the worst person ever idk how i have friends

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?fuck u boss i love dogs and if u hate dogs that much as to not understand the situation i dont wanna work for a dog hater. asshole.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a. maybe probably b. everything ive never done but wanted to c. probably

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.fuck. um. shit. id say love but then u cant trust the person you love so like… but at the same time i love love so much i feel like id die w/o it n ya know i dont trust anyone anyways so im gonna say love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?srsly…..Bye Bye Bye by *NSYNC bc i cant be sad listening to that song lolol

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?9077

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?communication n openness

77: How can I win your heart?just be nice to me lol i have low standards

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?yes i do believe so

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?buying tickets to see john mayer lol that changed my life so drastically. my life is now pre john mayer and post john mayer. he literally fucking sang xo i will never get over it that will always be the happiest moment of my life im crying while typing this

80: What size shoes do you wear?8 - 9 ½ depending on the shoe

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?‘probably died because she said she wanted to die so often that death got sick of hearing it and killed her.“

82: What is your favourite word?fuck

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.justin timberlake. god im so fucked lol

84: What is a saying you say a lot?'i hate my life’ 'i want to die’ 'u should fight’

85: What’s the last song you listened to?Fools Gold by One Direction lmao

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?turquoise

87: What is your current desktop picture?justin timberlake leaning on a car lookin all hot n shit

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?myself tbh

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?uuuum idk it depends whos askin ya know. id answer certain questions if asked by one peson but not another

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?probably cry and attempt but ultimately fail to go back to sleep

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?flying or teleportation

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?when john mayer played XO at my concert obviously

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?losing all the pictures on my computer bc i keep saying im over it but im really not that was the entire past 4 years of my life in pictures and videos and theyre just gone its bullshit

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?oh man. so many. but if i had to choose one justin timberlake. wow bet no one saw that comin

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?literally fuckin no where im seeing ed sheeran in a matter of hours im not leaving. but if it were a different day lol id say amsterdam or boston

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?not that im aware of

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?when i was a smol child yea h but not recently

98: Ever been on a plane?when i was a child yes

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?um lol idk probably nothing tbh i dont wanna be held responsible for whatever happens afterwards

[kaedekayano]

001; Kanzaki and Kayano. 002: Gakushuu Asano

oh boy i’m abt to get so excited and emotional fuck adkaldjahdhdjsd

kanzaki/kayano

when I started shipping it if I did: i don’t remember tbh. i always lowkey shipped it haha, but i don’t think i really realised it until @wassailtofivehundred was like !! yukikae !! and also i saw cute fanart and i rewatched a couple episodes (kyoto trip ehh) and i was like, fuck i really ship this. also a lot of it was b/c around december (the time i published be your own hero) i started liking kayano a lot more and then that made me salty bc nagisa/kayano was so poorly written and an injustice to her character. she deserved a person who she had actual chemistry with, and i think kanzaki is definitely that person (or one of them).

my thoughts: pure!! good!! beautiful and amazing!! i love it!! so much!! i’m working on a v v long yukikae kayano-POV fic right now and i’m excited to show it to y’all b/c i have trouble expressing how much/why i love characters/ships until i have a fic to support it, haha. but anyway i think kanzaki is really good for kayano b/c she’s so understanding and caring, and kayano is good for kanzaki because — look they just care so much abt each other okay they’re so Good.

What makes me happy about them: so good. so pure. so beautiful. they’re just healthy for each other and i love the idea of kayano’s best friend supporting her through all the shit she’s gone through because fuck, man, kayano’s mom and sister are dead, the only “friends” she had, she built her friendship on a lie, the teacher she tried to kill and then turned out not to be guilty is dead anyway (bye bye, purpose that kept her going for a year despite all her issues), the person she was for a year was a lie but — not all of it, okay, deep down kaede kayano/akari yukimura is still a good caring person and kanzaki knows it even if she did lie and the two of them supporting each other and I just — yeah

What makes me sad about them: i’m always full of salt about kayano so :/ i don’t like it when people don’t acknowledge the kayano arc happened/kayano’s real personality is very different from the one she pretended to be/she lied to the class for a year? yeah matsui just decided to forget about it and sideline her because he’s a shit writer and what the fuck is continuity, but that doesn’t mean you should follow his example. so it’d be great to see those issues acknowledged!! give me kanzaki understanding kayano did fucked-up things and is a messy person who was not the kind, cheerful, sweet girl she pretended to be and loving her anyway!! (acknowledge and justify the kayano arc for why it happened without throwing logic out the window, and i’ll personally send you a thank-you card)

things done in fanfic that annoys me: there are two fics on ao3 for yukikae, lol (i’m planning to remedy this because inexcusable!!). one is kayano third wheeling karmagisa w/ like 5 lines of actual yukikae (no offense to the author, the fic is fine, it’s just Not Yukikae). the other is green’s fic and admittedly there isn’t a lot of overtly romantic yukikae but it’s a really good fic and there’s good worldbuilding and concepts and y’all should read it

things I look for in fanfic: having it exist. that’s what i’m looking for. that being said, see above rant, because while there aren’t many fics about kanzaki (beautiful daughter pls love her more), there is plenty of fic about kayano and it is almost never accurate. it makes me sad. accurate, well-done characterization is what i Live for

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: both of them, okuda. as previously mentioned, kanzaki, maybe yada? for kaede, rio, also yada, maybe kataoka (it’s mentioned kayano admires her and i don’t think that was a lie, akari seems like the type of girl who recognises and respects strength and competence in people). um. the 3-E girls are all good in general haha, the only person i can think of off the top of my head i’d say no to is okano with kanzaki because okano dislikes her and kanzaki is uncomfortable with that, so. :/ although seeing them work past it (and okano getting past her own insecurities regarding her femininity) would be cool, so even then, i can’t say Absolutely Never. just not nagisa/kayano pls

My happily ever after for them: sometime in their mid/late-20s, they move into an apartment together and own lots of books and cute stationery and various trinkets. also a cat. maybe other pets, like a hamster or a dog. kayano is a successful actress all over again but keeps her relationship with kanzaki not secret but lowkey. kanzaki is away from her parents and likes her job and reads a lot of books. their friends come visit them pretty frequently and the neighbors think they’re adorable. they’re happy.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: omg fuck i suck at this kind of thing. i think kayano would be the big spoon and kanzaki the little spoon but i don’t think they’d mind switching

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: um theyre fond of reading and decorating things (apartment they move into together) and baking and taking walks together. probably taking walks with the dog tbh. that was like 4 i dont know sorry im still in the developing stages of headcanons for these two ive only been highkey invested in this ship for like a month and a half okay

gakushuu asano

How I feel about this character: today i started thinking about him completely out of the blue, with no prompting, and then i sat down and wrote 4 pages in my notebook about an AU where ikeda doesn’t die and gakuhou remains a good dad. last sentence is “in another world, gakushuu asano is healthy and happy and okay.” this is pretty much how i am all day every day i love this child so much he’s just. i see a lot of myself in him (hes relatable okay) and he’s so amazing and brilliant and full of curiosity and potential and i!!! love!!! him!!!! i want him to be happy so much!!! i love him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

All the people I ship romantically with this character: karma (obviously haha), um. fuck. im really fond of renshuu (like really fond) but i usually ship it as ren having a one-sided crush on gakushuu that eventually concludes in ren realising shuu’s crushing unattainability (also i hc gakushuu as ace arospec and he’s kinda ehhh abt romance in general. projecting? me? yeah) and dealing with it and they become really really good best friends even tho it makes ren’s heart hurt a lil bit but mostly its okay. fuck i had a fic abt this i started months ago that i never finished i gotta do that but yeah i envision the virtuosos’ dynamic as being very very complicated in general. oh yeah i cant believe i said i ship karma/gakushuu only once in this post so far so anyway i ship karushuu i love karushuu karushuu is love karushuu is life

My non-romantic OTP for this character: the virtuosos of course its not like i wrote like 1k+ of meta on this hahahaha also gakushuu/isogai, gakushuu/kataoka (why cant we see his respect for her acknowledged as well i know isogai gets his own ep and all but kataoka is still important and is also a class rep :/), gakushuu/nagisa a little bit (i used to be super into it and i still kinda like it), i actually really like the idea of platonic!karushuu because those two are cute boyfriends but working their way from enemies to rivals with grudging respect for each other to best friends?? it’s good

My unpopular opinion about this character: he and karma are not the same person or quite frankly anywhere close to it. there’s lots of parallels they’re good narrative foils but seeing people act like gakushuu is just a recoloured karma makes me sad. pls no my son is so complex and wonderful and different pls pls understand this he’s not just karma akabane with orange hair he’s his own character and such a good one

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: he goes to MIT and is separated from his father’s awful awful toxic influence and lives a happy brilliant successful life and is emotionally okay. i mean it’s not non-canon hahaha but seeing it onscreen would’ve been cool. we can assume that happens anyway tho b/c it’s gakushuu. uhh seeing him interact with his mom onscreen (or like, seeing his mom at all) would’ve been really cool!!! for who i imagine his mom as, i pretty much just think of @cosmicyue‘s hideko asano headcanon :)

my OTP: karushuu obviously. ohh man i love these two nerds so fucking much okay. they hate each other so so much but they also have this respect for each other alright if i start talking about why i ship karushuu (something ive actually never done on this blog bc i dont want people to think im trying to push karushuu on everyone ajdkakdkajsh; theres hardly a shortage of karushuu shippers around) then im gonna b here all day and this is already really long. ill shut up

my cross over ship: none i dont rlly think about AC in relation to other fandoms tbh

a headcanon fact: i have so many. fuck. um one of my favorites (ive mentioned it before but) is that the asanos are both fluent in 3+ languages and they talk shit about people they look down on in those languages when they’re around those people, just to make people uncomfortable.

send me a ship, a character, or five characters

[2slowgoers]

back, 2 years later

dear W,

wow, what a spontaneous decision and day that we decided to come back to this tumblr. i had basically given up before because i didn’t remember the log in information, but realized it was surprisingly easy to figure it all out once i did some digging. it just required me to do some digging, and i managed to do it at my desk this morning at work, lol! anyways, as mentioned earlier, i’ll spend this post writing about some reflections of the past two years, but first i’d like to start with my thoughts from today and what i want to share with you.

i originally wanted to go to ymca after work, i usually cycle on wednesday nights (like this would have only been the 3rd wednesday since i joined the ymca in september). i remember a few weeks ago we had this very very very old black man as a sub teacher, he must have been in his 80s. i could barely understand him because his voice was very hoarse and not clear, cuz he was old, but boy were his legs FIT and boy, could he CYCLE. but i had to poop way too bad today by 6pm because jetlag, and i had 1 cup of coffee (to combat jetlag), so I decided to walk home. the walk home was very meditative. i listened to some korean ballads. i love walking lake merritt as my commute, i actually recognize the dogs and humans now! and notice the many birds in the dirty water and the sky is so pretty. there are a lot of runners. and a lot of dogs, the dogs make my day. i love observing the similarities of the dogs with their owners.

work has been relaxing so far because i have learned not to take it too seriously. i appreciate my coworkers because many of them are like me, and are chill and good human beings. though there are the few narcissistic people, ugh. but i like taking the slow pace i do at work and still perform pretty well, and be a team member people appreciate having around. i shadowed an in person interview today of this white guy who went to uchicago and he had a patagonia vest and was bad at verbal communication. it was a bad interview, i feel bad for him, because he seems so smart. i realized i wanted to like him so bad, but just couldn’t? then i remembered how hard it is to interview and how stressful it was. i can’t believe we are now at a point in our careers where we are interviewing others haha.

okay, that’s enough tangents.

reading our posts from 2 years ago was very “awwwww, my heart”. it sounded like we both had our anxieties. you were getting impatient at home and frustrated with family, i sounded like i had a HORRIBLE time at my internship ha and was so anxious about jobs. i’m so happy to see the progress we have made since then. a lot has changed, but a lot also hasn’t. my dreams/bucket list goals from back then have not changed :) and i still haven’t gotten my permit yet, but I have my DMV written test scheduled for THIS SATURDAY!! Yay! we have hit some of our goals, like the fact that you’re currently enrolled in painting class! anyways, i think it is quite funny that my goals have not changed much. blogging is still a #1 goal of mine. and though i’ve been quiet about it in general, i have been thinking and planning and strategizing a LOT. and i have some things in the plans, that i am not quite ready to reveal to the world yet. in the past i revealed things too quick and that made me struggle, so this time i am going to prepare behind the scenes a bit before sharing. i will let you know once i feel a bit more confident/comfortable.

speaking of, i have been studying a lot of the people i follow on social media and their ages and see that people get comfortable and confident in their creations the older they get, like late twenties. ive been finding that pretty reassuring and inspiring, knowing that we will settle into ourselves the older we get. tbh i feel like the 3 years after college is like freshman year for adulthood all over again, and afterwards, we go through the same kind of development as we did in college, and slowly mature and know ourselves better. having turned 25, i just hope that this year will be that for me. i mean the fact that i started this year off already with a broken friendship with T has already helped me better realize what i want in my life anyway.

i know it’s easy for me to look back and feel like i’m still a failure. but i try to remember that each of the past years, full of struggles and challenges as they were, there was also a lot of growth. i appreciate you being there for me all this time. it’s also interesting how time seems to both slow down and speed up, speed up as in time passes faster but less change occurs. i notice that in my older roommates that 1 year is not a lot of time and waiting for things to happen in 1-2 years is not a lot compared to 1-2 years at this point in our lives, so much change can happen. i am hoping for my 25th year to be one where i can finally speak up about myself, my thoughts, openly to the public and not feel like i have to repress any part of myself. which i have been doing for so long. slowly, but surely. 23 was a year of intense transitions, 24 was a year of more minor but lots of transitions, but i ultimately got to where i wanted to be. so that is reassuring.

(jetlag is hitting me, so apologies if my writing is incoherent)

as for future plans, and as i mentioned over text, the trip has helped me realize how much i missed learning and being in a school environment and just having readings and getting to discuss with classmates. and you know, be in this space where people care about the same things and talk about it? that’s what i really enjoyed about the decolonization panel in berlin, it was a space for people to talk, think, and just discuss for the sake of discussing. not a common opportunity for people of color in general. we could let our imaginations and questions wander and share a space. which is why i was bothered when my thoughts on the panel were dismissed and none of the actual discussion was appreciated or properly evaluated. i miss those spaces. i also envy S’s life sometimes, because he gets to work for a mission and cause that all his coworkers share and there is this camaraderie in researching global infectious diseases. it’s just a beautiful thing to observe and something i want to have for at least a couple of years. besides grad school, i want to spend my gap year traveling asia in more depth. and ideally over land, without much flying. there is so much i want to see and learn and document. i want to finally be able to spend some time on my interests like more environmental/naturey things (volunteering) or trekking & camping in mountains...etc and studying resources and how resources are used in the world. i have so many questions and so many curiosities.

sometimes i get overwhelmed by all my nichey interests and struggle to articulate them, then i start getting worried how i will be able to fit all my nichey interests into my life and balance it all. i guess the only way to know is to start doing these things and see where it goes. and i am working on it! i swear! it’s all just happening silently or i am not promoting what i’m doing very much, because a lot of it is so personal. S and I had a brief tough talk about this topic - he wanted to see me take more action and when i said i was, he didn’t really believe me because i never talk about it, and i told him i intentionally don’t talk about some of the things i think about or are working on because they are just so personal. i hope i can relax more in time with sharing the work i am putting into myself and trying to create.

anyhoo, i’m very happy we are getting back into writing and sharing with each other (not like we don’t already do it). i know this post was a lot of “I” and focused on myself. please do know that i don’t expect you to write in response to the things i write. i would love to see a post written by you, also centered on you :)