#anyways have a great day/night paradoxers

[shroommush]

PARADOXCICLE DOODLES!!! EVERYONE SAY HELL YEAH!!!!

Paradoxcicle by @blipple-is-confused on ao3!!! GO READ IT!!!!

Guess what i like about paradoxcicle? Well, i like the ANGST

I like the COMFORT

I like the PLAIN FUN

And then theres whatever this is

I dont like wjatever this is

[keepingitformyself]

older (and wiser): ii

A/N: second chapter! i don’t know when the next time will be that i update. i start uni in a few days and i also am working through a personal issue i have to deal with. anyway— every place that’s mentioned like coffee shops, restaurants, etc..are real so if you’re ever interested in looking into those you can! cus they’re real! ALSO in case anyone hasn’t noticed the face claim for paul is paul mescal. please also keep in mind that this is based off of “past lives” meaning it will follow SOME key moments in the film. not all, just SOME. so if you haven’t seen it i’d recommend it, it’s a great film!

synopsis: you and wanda meet for coffee.

pairings: wanda maximoff x reader

genre: angst, some fluff

warnings: oh gee

part i

please do not repost my work anywhere for any reason at all. if you do see this happen to any of my stories, please let me know. thank you x.

you don’t know what to make of it when you hang up the call.

walking back into the living room, phone in hand, you gulp down your feelings, trying to process the aftermath of what had just happened.

paul looks up from the book in his lap, already closing it and setting it aside as you come into view. his eyes immediately catch the scrunch of your brows.

“talk to me,” he says softly, reaching for your hand and gently pulling you to sit next to him.

you want to escape the moment, but there’s nowhere to go.

“it was wanda.” you admit, your voice laced with an uneasiness that made you feel unsure of what he might say.

paul’s lips part slightly as quiet consideration washes over him. his gaze shifts to the side, and he seems lost in thought.

after a few seconds, he finally says, “oh.”

of course, paul had previously known of who wanda maximoff was to you. it was brought up fairly early in your relationship, both of you drunk on cheap whine, over a lazy night in when it felt like it was easier to be honest than anything else.

he knew there was an ex. he knew that much. an ex that had left you with the unbearable weight of what once was and how good it could be. something in you told you he deserved to know. so you did, you told him and you ended in tears laying against his chest.

fortunately, that night did very little in scaring him off.

wanda was your first—and last—real relationship in college, and coincidentally the one that also impacted you the most.

having her at your side built you up in so many ways. she inspired you so much during your time together. creatively, emotionally, or spiritually. you felt so much around her, so much for her, and she was just as equally showing of that.

there were so many sides of her that you enjoyed experiencing, so many sides of you that had come out because of her. it was something so equal in tenderness and intensity.

to you, wanda maximoff was like a paradox of ideas you felt you could actually understand.

but it wasn’t perfect. the end of your relationship with wanda had been devastating. you were both just months away from graduating when everything began to come apart at the seams. wanda had been cast for the lead in a series that would require her to go overseas for six months, while you had been offered an internship to shadow journalists abroad. you were both doing things you loved, and maybe not together, but you knew this was needed.

and despite your insistence that you could make it work long distance, wanda wasn’t sure she could handle being so far from you. for nearly three years, the two of you had been inseparable. the idea of such a drastic change felt impossible to her.

you agreed it would just be a break—nothing permanent. you promised you’d be back together in no time. but the distance only made things harder. wanda became incredibly hard to reach, always busy, always consumed by work.

it took a toll on her, and she became emotionally unavailable in a way that left you feeling more alone than ever.

determined to salvage what was left, you decided to fly out and see her. wanda had promised to meet you, had said she’d gotten the day off just for you.

you planned a whole dinner in your hotel room, excited to finally see her again. but wanda never showed up. you waited and waited, your heart sinking with every passing hour. when you finally heard from her, she chalked it up to being busy, apologizing profusely.

but it wasn’t enough. her inability to show up had made something clear: the relationship you both claimed to have cherished wasn’t there anymore. so, you ended things for good.

“why did she call?” paul finally asks. his voice careful where you feel like your answer to his question is one he isn’t fully sure he wants to know.

you put your hand over the one that holds yours, biting your lower lip as you find the words to say what you need to. how does one say that their ex misses them? and wants to see them?

“she wanted to see how i was doing,” you start. “i told her about everything, us being engaged, she said she saw and congratulated us.” you smile faintly, recalling the words, but it falters as you contemplate your sentence. “she wants to see me. she was…pretty insistent on it.���

“and what did you say?” paul’s curiosity is evident, though his tone remains measured.

“i said yes to meeting up with her.” you admit. you grip his hand tighter, bringing his palm to your lips and kissing it, as if letting him know that he has a say in this too. “but if you don’t want me to, i wont meet with her.”

paul remains deep in thought as he stares at your entwined hands. he could say no, could ask you not to go, but he knows that’s not who he wants to be. he wouldn’t want to keep you from something that might heal a part of you you’ve never fully recovered from—especially when it’s a part so closely tied to who you are now.

looking at you through his lashes, he smiles softly. your thumb hasn’t stopped rubbing the back of his hand. he’s certain none of this could ever truly hurt what you’ve built together. not when he has you now, so wholly.

“i want you to go see her.” he says finally, his words tinged with a gentle lilt. his eyes soften, and he adds, “if there’s even a chance that it’ll give you closure, or just help you carry less weight, then i think you should. i trust you.”

your eyebrows rise in surprise at his words. “you want me to?” you repeat.

“uh…well, no. it’s not that i want you to. it’s that i wouldn’t want you not to, d’you see? does that make sense?” he pauses, running a hand through his hair.

“look we’re gettin’ married soon, and i love you. from what i’ve heard about wanda, she meant a lot to you.in a way, she led me to you. i wouldn’t want to hold you back from somethin’ that might be good for you. if seein’ wanda is that, then you have my full support.”

your eyes lock with his, a grateful smile on your face at his understanding. you lean over to kiss his cheek,

“than you,” you murmur softly.

——

wanda was the first to arrive at the café you’d picked out. you’d agreed to meet by 2:15, but wanda had been restless, unable to stay in place once she reached her hotel just hours earlier.

caffè reggio felt enigmatic in its own way. the compact space, with small tables scattered across the room, gave it an almost congested feel, but the patrons kept to themselves, creating an atmosphere of quiet solitude.

the low lighting added an intimate touch, the kind wanda found herself grateful for; a setting that made sense for seeing you after all these years. still, she hadn’t expected you to choose a place that felt so…secretive. not that she was complaining.

as soon as she sat down, a server approached her with a gentle greeting and offered to read her the menu. she listened half-heartedly, her mind preoccupied, and eventually settled on an espresso martini and a dessert she barely registered.

“will that be all?” the server asked politely.

wanda hesitated, glancing at the watch on her wrist. it read 1:57 pm.

“actually,” she said, chewing the inside of her cheek, “i’m meeting someone in about fifteen minutes. could you come back in ten and fix me a vanilla latte for them? double shot, please.”

the server nodded, jotting it down before retreating.

the minutes felt like a drag as wanda waited. each minute passing made her heart feel heavier. she’d waited in the quiet corner she’d picked for the both of you. alternating between anxiously biting her lip as she stared out the window, or checking her phone for the time.

for a second, she feels grateful no one has seemed to notice her, making it easier to revel in her own anxious energy in peace.

when you finally entered, wanda exhaled quietly, her chest tightening as everything seemed to slow. she took in the sight of you, cataloging every detail. your hair was longer, your features more defined, carrying a depth of experience that hadn’t been there before her. for a moment, wanda froze, torn between wanting to disappear completely or letting you see her as she was.

but then your eyes met hers, and you smiled. a smile that was so familiar, it sent a deep ache through her chest. she rose quickly, her arms stiff at her sides, unsure whether to offer a handshake or reach for a hug.

you decided for her, stepping closer and wrapping your arms around her shoulders. your left hand brushed slightly against her back as you said, “it’s good to see you, wands.”

wanda tries not to break into to tears immediately at having you in her arms, of seeing you, of breathing you in. it’s all overwhelming in it’s familiarity.

you pull away first, looking up at her with a soft smile until you decide to sit on the chair across from her. wanda remained standing a beat longer, awkwardly smoothing her pants before sitting down.

“how…how are you?” she asked, her fingers twisting nervously in her lap.

“i’m really good.” you replied, taking a sip of the latte she ordered for you.

“that’s good.”

the words hung in the air for a moment, and you both began speaking at the same time.

“what have—”

“it’s really good—”

you both broke into quiet laughter, the sound cutting through the nervous energy. it felt shared, familiar, like all those years ago.

“you go first,” you offered, tone light.

wanda smiled nervously, glancing down before meeting your eyes again. “i just wanted to say…it’s really nice to see you again.” her voice was soft, almost hesitant. “and…you look good.”

“thank you,” you replied sincerely. “you do too.”

there was another pause, and you leaned forward slightly, gaze steady. “how have you been?”

wanda shrugged, a faint smile playing at her lips. “working. that’s really all i know how to do.”

you frowned at the self deprecating comment, shaking your head slightly. “you know, i’ve actually kept up with your work over the years.”

her brows furrowed in surprise. “really?”

“oh yeah,” you said, grinning triumphantly. “paul and i caught an early screening of his three daughters. it was incredible. it even brought him to tears—more than me, actually.”

wanda couldn’t help but smile, though she faltered slightly at the mention of his name. “he knows about us?”

you nodded, your expression gentle. “yeah. he’s a fan too, by the way.”

“that’s…kind of strange,” she admitted with a soft chuckle. “but also really flattering.”

the moment of levity passed, and wanda hesitated before asking, her voice quieter now, “when’s the wedding?”

your smile shifted, still warm but with a hint of wistfulness. you looked away briefly, as though picturing the scene in your mind. “next september, ideally. paul’s parents have this farm in ireland. it’s got these sprawling green fields and so many goats.” you chuckled lightly, glancing back at her. “it’s beautiful that time of year.”

wanda nodded, a faint smile on her lips as she absorbed your words, though her chest felt heavier with each one. “that sounds…lovely,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“i’ll send you a postcard,” you joke, a light laugh escaping your lips. wanda forces a smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. she wishes the context were different, that the distance between you wasn’t so vast, so final.

the silence lingers for a beat too long. it’s palpable, heavy with everything that’s been said—and everything that hasn’t.

you don’t why the next words come out of your mouth.

“you should come over for dinner.” you offer, your smile easy and disarming. you don’t want this to be hard for wanda. anyone could see there’s something still there. and you know wanda—you know her tells. there’s something she wants to say but can’t. this is your way of making her feel better about feeling it, regardless of if you can even help it.

“pardon?” her brows furrow. “to your place?”

you nod as casually as you can. “when do you leave?” you ask.

wanda looks away for a second, clears her throat. “i haven’t booked a returning flight yet,” she admits sheepishly. “was kinda hoping i’d find a reason to stay.”

you nod, smiling knowingly, but you don’t comment.

“come over for dinner,” you say again. “paul is an excellent cook.”

wanda almost smiles, recalling all the times you tried to cook for her but failed miserably. she was usually the one that did the cooking. it’s strange—comforting, even—to think that someone else is now treating you that way.

still, she hesitates. the idea of being in the same space as him, in the home you’ve built together, feels almost unbearable.

“only if you’re sure,” she says.

you sit up straighter in your seat. “it doesn’t have to be weird. i think you’ll like him. he’s a really good man, and i’d really love for you to meet him. and he already thinks you’re talented.”

wanda looks down at her hands, still processing your offer. “you’d really want me there?” she asks, voice above a whisper.

“of course,” you reply sincerely.

wanda shakes her head, her expression caught between hesitation and yearning. “i don’t know.” she says. “that kind of sounds like a lot… and i don’t want to make things awkward. for you or for him.”

you shake your head as if she had just said something silly. “it won’t be. paul knows about us, and he’s one of the most understanding people i’ve ever met. he’s never been anything but supportive.”

wanda let’s out a short laugh, the kind that almost cracks. you think you see tears forming, glinting faintly in the windows light.

“he sounds perfect.” she murmurs, a hint of sadness evident.

“he’s not perfect.” a soft chuckle. “no one is. but he’s perfect for me.”

wanda smiles sadly. “okay.” she nods. “only if you’re okay with it.”

“i’m more than okay with it.” you assure her.

a faint smile tugs at her lips and wanda nods. “thank you,” she says softly.

“thank you,” you reply, warm and firm. “for coming all the way to new york. for wanting to talk.”

you start to gather your things, ready to head out. “i do have to leave now,” you say with an apologetic smile. “i’ve got a meeting with an editor in half an hour.”

once you’re standing, you look directly into wanda’s eyes. “thank you for the latte. it was great seeing you.” you say, and mean it. “i’ll be in touch.”

and with that, you’re already on your way out the door.

[azulcrescent]

Hey I just want we just want to ask... How do you get the motivation to shade your art? like for us we have a VERY hard time shading big/normal drawings (That isn't pixel art...) because we always get burnt out OR get distracted with other projects and abandon our art we were supposed to finish... Any insight in how you keep making your art consistent in quality (Shading wise)..? Also we fell in love with your little doodles and those "inner child" comics, it reminds us of our system and how some of our small people in our head interacts with others! Anyways, we'll stop rambling on, Hope you have a great day/evening/night/time paradox! :3

henlo sorry for late answer, i dont go through asks very often. as for motivation... hm, that's a hard one. I just think the drawing would look nicer? to explain myself more, i like drawing things cuz i can show other people what i made, like "look at this thing i made!" so shading/color just makes it better i think. If you don't think coloring /shading adds that much, or if its too much energy to do so, i think its okay to not do it. Simple coloring is fine too (without any shading) And glad you like my comics! The small one is happy to hear that too haha

[sparkles-rule-4eva]

🎵 Whoooo wants a nice little short 'n sweet post-Prime one shot with Sonic and Tails and some angst and also fluff and cuddles and nightmares and sadness and cuteness and the implementing of that one headcanon from the post I made about Sonic getting more cuddly and clingy when he's hurt or upset??? 🎵

Sonic Prime - Healing Hugs

Something had happened in the cave with Sonic. Tails was absolutely certain of it.

At first, it had just been pleasant changes, pleasant surprises. Sonic had suddenly switched to being a 100% team player, had started paying attention to each and every thing Tails instructed, and seemingly communicated with Shadow just as the Ultimate Lifeform arrived out of nowhere to Chaos Control the Paradox Prism to who-knows-where.

Then there had been the more weird changes.

Every time Tails opened his mouth, Sonic would drop everything to listen to every word with laser focus, even if it was about something as simple as what he was going to get for dinner or some cool comics he'd read. He was giving a lot more hugs, too, far more than usual. Sonic used to be a lot more selective about physical affection, but now, Tails couldn't seem to get through 30 minutes of a day without his older brother scooping him up in an embrace, however brief. Not that he was complaining, it was nice.

He kept catching the hedgehog lying around in the grass, fingering the green leaves with utter delight in his eyes. Once he found him on the beach, sitting in a palm tree and singing some kind of pirate-y sounding song. Another time he found him wandering slowly around the woods nearby, talking to the flickies about how pretty the trees were.

Something was off, but Tails couldn't put his finger on it. From his perspective, he hadn't seen anything out of the ordinary happen during the battle in the cave, but Sonic's change in behavior made it painfully obvious something had.

Especially when the more negative changes started manifesting.

Not negative in a sense that Sonic was doing anything wrong. But he seemed . . . a little rattled. Some of his hugs were far more than just quick side squeezes. Sometimes he'd stare at Tails with an oddly pensive, faraway look in his eyes.

In bed, one night about a week after the cave incident, Tails found himself tossing and turning. These thoughts were driving him up the wall with how often they'd been occupying his mind lately.

He wanted so badly to sit down with Sonic and ask him what happened. He knew something had happened. But whether Sonic was willing to talk about it was another question entirely. He knew something was different, but he also knew his brother. Sonic didn't like uncomfortable conversations. If he felt unsafe, he would run.

Tails knew better than to confront him with questions that Sonic would likely not want to answer. If he'd wanted to tell Tails what was going on, what was different, he probably would've told him already.

With an exhausted sigh, Tails gave up trying to sleep and sat up in bed, casting a quick glance at the digital clock on his nightstand.

3:47 a.m.

Great. Even when I'm not working on a project, I STILL end up sleep-deprived. He smirked. At least Sonic can't get ticked at me this time, it's not my fault.

Speaking of the Blue Devil, he was right down the hall. Conked out on the couch, where he often slept. In fact, he'd been sleeping there every night for the past week.

Since he couldn't sleep, anyway, Tails slipped out of bed and crept down the hall, having memorized which boards creaked and which ones didn't. He half-hoped Sonic was awake so he'd have someone to talk to, but as he emerged into the living room, he saw his brother sound asleep, half-curled on his side.

Tails blinked and looked closer.

Sonic was asleep, but . . . he was also clinging extra tightly to his pillow. And he looked . . . incredibly stressed.

Was he having a bad dream?

Tails took a couple steps towards the couch until he stood right beside it. In past experiences where he'd found his brother having a nightmare, talking it out rarely helped. Sometimes even waking him up didn't help, either. He usually just wound up disoriented and panicking, and sometimes even ran off to deal with his feelings alone out in the wilderness.

Tails really didn't want him to leave. He also didn't want him to be alone.

He reached out and ever so gently placed his hand over Sonic's clenched fist, both ungloved.

One thing he had discovered about his brother during hard times like this was that he became more clingy. On the rare occasion he was visibly upset, he'd sometimes come up and just hug Tails without a word. When he was sick or injured somehow (and actually allowing himself to be taken care of), he tended to snuggle more. If he was in enough pain, he'd hold onto Tails as tightly as he could. Sometimes he'd do the same with their other friends, but Tails was always his go-to.

Not that it happened very often. Tails only knew these things because he'd known Sonic for most of his life. Sonic had raised him. He'd seen more of Sonic than anyone else had.

Now, he rubbed a finger over his brother's fist for a moment, then very carefully tugged the pillow out of Sonic's unconscious grasp. He set it softly on the floor, then carefully clambered onto the couch next to him, lay down, and hugged him tightly.

Without waking up, Sonic wrapped his arms around him in return and held him close, burying his face between Tails's ears with a barely audible whimper.

Tails could feel his brother's heartbeat racing, so he snuggled in closer and softly began to purr.

And, with time, he felt Sonic start to calm down.

A couple minutes went by, and his heart rate slowed down just a bit. The tension coiled throughout his entire body started to unwind, and his spiked-up quills lowered slightly in a more relaxed position. His ears were still kinda droopy, but he seemed a lot more restful than he had a few minutes ago.

Tails smiled, still bundled up tightly against Sonic. And his smile only grew wider when he felt his brother start purring, too.

There was something infinitely comforting about being held, about snuggling with his brother, the person who loved him to the moon and back. The person he loved in exactly the same way. For those moments, the very problems that had been keeping Tails awake half an hour earlier seemed to fade. He was here, Sonic was here, no words were spoken or needed, and they would be okay.

Tails slept soundly for the rest of the night.

-

The sound of flickies singing from the treetops woke Sonic the next day. He blinked blearily as his eyes came into focus, and he realized that Tails had joined him sometime during the night.

Once upon a time, waking up to find him right there had made him jump. It didn't anymore.

He smiled, carefully adjusting one hand so he could stroke his little brother's bangs and give him a tiny scratch behind one ear. Tails mumbled something unintelligible in his sleep, and snuggled closer in Sonic's chest.

He grinned wider. Tails hadn't been snuggly to this level in a while. Granted, he'd always been the more snuggly one of the two of them, but still. It kind of reminded Sonic of the first couple years he'd been taking care of Tails, when the kit was between 3 and 4 years old.

His smile faded a little as he thought of Nine at that age, still alone, still being bullied and hurt, with no one to save him and show him the love and care he deserved.

He could only hope that the other Shatterverse variants were showing him such kindness now. The thought that he would never get to see him again made his heart ache in a way he couldn't quell.

Sonic studied Tails's sleeping face, noting the intense similarities and differences between him and Nine. He wondered whether Nine had always existed even before the Shatter event, as a part of his little brother that Tails would never bring to light. Was it the same with Mangey and Sails?

A tiny snort escaped him against his will as he thought about whether Mangey's existence was an implication that a part of Tails just wanted to go a little feral. Sometimes he couldn't blame him.

His suppressed laugh had Tails stirring, blinking open his big blue eyes. He looked back at Sonic, grinning sleepily. "G'morning."

Sonic ruffled his bangs again, smiling as Tails giggled. "G'morning, little buddy."

Stop calling me that!

He froze at the memory of Nine's angry shout, and Tails clearly saw it.

"Are you okay?" he asked with a gentle, inquiring frown, slowly sitting up.

Sonic sighed as he sat up as well, leaning back to stretch, then pulled his little brother close again. "I've got a story for you, bud," he admitted, deciding it was about time to open up about what had really happened in the cave.

Tails gazed up at him with surprise, but then smiled and nodded.

"I'm listening," he replied quietly.

AO3 version

Did I come up with this while hugging a giant pillow during my nap earlier today? Maybe :3

I also maybe just really wanted to implement that headcanon somewhere teehee

[deadsetromance]

IN THE WEE SMALL HOURS OF THE MORNING

(not my gif!)

gerard way x gn!reader

summary: he's your roommate...but maybe he's more than that.

warnings: unedited writing, fluff, no use of [y/n]

note: so sorry i haven't posted in forever! i have a few requests and a few more half-complete drafts, so hopefully those should be up soon <3

you supposed there were worse roommates out there. actually, thinking about it, you realized how lucky you were.

you got along really well with your roommate, gerard. he’d been sharing an apartment for nearly two years now, and you were sure you knew him better than you knew yourself.

you know he forgets to take the coffee pods out of the keurig, and sometimes he leaves the heater running for too long.

you don’t think you’ve ever seen him sleep. sometimes you wonder if he’s a vampire or something, what with the scribbling coming from his room at all hours of the night.

to be fair… you’re hardly any better. you sleep little more than he does, when you do fall asleep it’s usually on the couch, and you leave the television on all the time.

you’re incredibly lucky, you realize. lucky that he’s as sweet as he is, bringing you coffee in the mornings, and stopping by your job on his commute. he’s even slipped a few drawings your way. some are drawings of you, others are silly little doodles he gives you when you’re having a bad day. sometimes, he’ll show you characters for the comics he’s working on, asking for your input.

you realize that you’re lucky that he’s so helpful, that he’s not a creep, that you both get along so well. you’re lucky that you’ve found a friend who will sit and watch television reruns with you when neither of you can fall asleep.

that’s why you slip a record under his door one night. you don’t know if he even likes sinatra, but you give it to him anyway. there’s no special occasion really, you just thought of him when you found in the wee small hours in the record store you visited. you don’t sign your name on the post it you stuck to it. all you write is “from one insomniac to another”. you feel embarrassed for some reason you can’t place, and something slithers in your stomach. maybe you shouldn’t have given it to him…maybe he doesn’t like sinatra. it’s too late now though, it’s already done.

☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎ ☠︎

it’s late one night…or early, depending on how you look at it. you’re tired, whatever movie you were watching forgotten and on mute. you can hear gerard milling around in the kitchen, you can smell the coffee he’s brewing. you’re tired, but you can’t fall asleep.

“thanks for the record” gerard called from the kitchen. “i really liked it”

you smile, one of those hazy tired smiles, the kind you do when you’re between being awake and asleep. “i didn’t know if you liked sinatra, i hope it’s ok”

you miss the way he grins at you, too busy yawning.

“it’s great i actually…” he walked off in the middle of his sentence, a habit you’d noticed he had, only to come back with the disk in his hands. “do you mind?”

it didn’t matter if you said no, he already turned to put it on, smiling back at you as he dropped the needle to the record.

“what are we watching?” he asked, sitting next to you on the couch. close enough to be touching you, but still far enough to give you space. it’s like a paradox, you think, but then you tell yourself to shut up. you’re too tired to know what you’re talking about.

“i dunno, i stopped paying attention.” your eyes flit to the movie playing on the television, watching the car chase for a moment before turning your attention back to him. “you’re going to keep yourself up all night drinking coffee this late.” you might have frowned at him if you weren’t too busy beaming.

he knew you were teasing, you could tell by the glint in his eye. “i just need a few finishing touches on my project and then i’m done.”

you didn’t say anything more for a while, taking a moment to take everything in. the record playing softly in the background as you curled closer to gerard. his head resting on yours as you listened to his breathing, memorizing the pace of his heart.

it’s quiet…intimate, and you’re tired. tired and happy.

“you tired?” he questions softly.

“a little,” you don’t know why you’re whispering.

“do you work tomorrow?”

“yeah, i open,” you groan, rubbing your eyes. you think you feel him press a kiss to the top of your head, but you don’t want to get your hopes up.

it’s quiet again, though this time it’s too quiet. you’re left with thoughts of gerard running through your head, and you wish that one of you would say something. you should be ashamed, you scold yourself, thinking of him the way you do when he’s sitting right next to you.

“what are you thinking about?” he prods gently. he’s soft with you, the way he always is, careful not to overstep with his questions.

“nothing really,” you lie, because you’d rather not risk what comfort you have now. “what are you thinking about?”

it seems like he didn’t expect the question to be turned back on him. he hesitates, and the silence is thick…too thick. his face is illuminated by the light from the tv, and he looks nervous. you don’t think you’ve ever seen him look quite as terrified as he does now. the lighting shifts, and he’s blanketed in darkness again, but you notice something change in his eyes.

“i think i love you” he whispers against your ear.

you feel like you can’t breathe. you think you heard him wrong. you’re worried this is all a dream, a good dream, the kind that would leave you reeling when you wake up.

you want to hear him say it again.

you lean your head back against his shoulder, and he breathes out with a shudder. you watch the explosions on tv as your hand finds his. “i love you too.”

that’s it then, everything is out in the open. maybe you’re tired, but you sigh gently as he cups your face in his hands. thinking back, you can’t exactly pinpoint when your feelings for him changed, but you suppose it doesn’t matter now. he loves you and you love him. it’s surprisingly simple.

“can i…?” he doesn’t need to finish his question as you lean in closer to him. his breath is warm, and he smells like coffee and sleepless nights, and you’re waiting for him. your eyes are closed as you breathe him in, and they stay that way as he kisses you softly.

he’s…soft, softer than you imagine, and you can’t help but smile.

in the wee small hours of the morning, he is yours, and you are his.

[monster-ultra-yellow]

anyway what about a research expedition of some sort where they'll be outside of civilization for a while so of course they pack food for everyone. and quite a bit, too! after all, it'll be what? a month, maybe more, where they're in the wilderness away from wider society?

but one person there's a vegetarian, and pretty strict about it.

and nobody remembered while they were packing supplies. and nobody realized until their first night out in the middle of nowhere.

now this person can still eat, of course! there's still fruits and vegetables and carby things, but nothing really substantial. while everyone else in this research team is eating a great, big, hearty meal after working hard in the field for 8-10-12 hours straight, the poor vegetarians got nothing but a side of canned corn. it's not nothing, but it's not enough to replace all the energy they're burning outside every day of the week.

and it gnaws at them more and more every passing hour. they can't keep up with everyone else in the field without feeling faint. they can't focus on data analysis and paper writing because their minds consumed by the hollow inside them that's paradoxically growing ever greater as their stomach shrinks. they can't even sleep at night because their stomach is so crampy, and the rest of their team is being kept up too from how loud their gut is growling. but at least they have goddamn canned corn while everyone else gets to eat, right in front of them, every single day.

would they break whatever moral code keeps them vegetarian? or would they shamble back into the world after the research is done, weeks later, their clothes hanging off of their frame?

[kittykatninja321]

(Ok, I’m gonna basically repeat something I’ve already said in my mutual’s replies because the urge to yap about this has been keeping me up at night). Anyways, to me the drama of Dick and Jason’s pre-DITF relationship comes not from not from conflict between them (I don’t think Dick was mean to Jason for more than a day), but rather from the fact that the relationship never reached its full potential. I kinda see their relationship as somewhat paradoxical, while they do have a special connection on account of being in each other’s 1st brother, they’re not as close as they could’ve been, certainly not as close as Dick and Tim.

I just don’t think there’s any way they could’ve been super close. Dick is a young adult in a far away city dealing with his own life, realistically it’s not really his fault if he doesn’t have the time to hang with kid adopted brother every weekend. It’s not that I think that they never hung out, (there’s been retroactive additions to interactions between Dick and Robin Jason, which have been pretty cute for the most part), I just can’t see them being super best brothers. Maybe they could’ve gotten there if they had more time, maybe they were in the process of getting there, but Jason dies before they get the chance, the tragedy of their relationship comes from what could’ve been.

Another thing that leads me to this interpretation is the way Dick talks to Bruce about Jason’s death in Titans #55

Despite his intense reaction to the news earlier, when he talks to Bruce it sorta feels like he’s talking to Bruce about a relative that Bruce lost, but there’s a degree of separation between himself and Jason. Now this could totally just be me and no else see’s it that way, but that’s the vibe I got

But the main reason that I don’t think that Dick and Jason could have been particularly close follows the reasoning of “if Jason felt like he had someone like Dick Grayson looking out for him, he would’ve acted differently”. If there’s anything I think is a worthwhile take away from the infamous “Jason attacking Tim in Titans tower” issue is the part where Jason says something along the lines of “maybe if I had had the sort of friends Tim has, things would’ve gone differently for me”. Like YEAH Jason’s behavior pre-death does not align with the behavior of someone who has a robust social network/feels supported. He rushes to look for his mother after feeling rejected by Bruce because he’s desperate for family, and that sort of desperation doesn’t come out of nowhere. If Jason had felt like he had other lifelines I think he would’ve acted differently. So no I don’t think he could’ve had a super close knit relationship with Dick

To me the ultimate theme of Dick and Jason’s relationship pre death is “ mourning what could’ve been” which makes a great backdrop for all of the post resurrection drama. Like I genuinely lowkey think of brothers in blood as Jason’s honest attempt at brotherly bonding, he was leaving dead prey on Dick’s doorstep like a cat with a high prey drive. Murder just isn’t a love language for Dick the way it is for Jason 😔

[olivieblake]

I was saving Januaries for election night—the plan was to disconnect and wait for morning—but I couldn’t concentrate. Then I couldn’t concentrate for a few days. I finally picked it up, though, because you always make me feel like the world is a beautiful place, and I needed that.

Anyway, I sat down with Januaries and I teared up a bit when the first story was The Wish Bridge. What a great one. I’m not sure if I made a note of it when I read it before, but this time I fully cried when Lila learned about the phases of the moon.

It was so wonderful to see some of the old favorites. I hadn’t read A Year in January since it was first published and my goodness I forgot how much I liked it. Also a large spider crawled across my page when I started The Animation Games, so that was fun and fitting.

So okay. I happened to read Monsterlove when I was sitting around waiting to hear from my friend who was in the hospital giving birth. This is actually the first time someone I love has had a kid. I know it’s a lot, intellectually, but it’s not something I can really understand. And I know she’s been afraid in that way that people with bad parents are afraid, even though her baby is so wanted and so so loved. Monsterlove was moving and powerful and intimate, and I haven’t read anything like that before. Reading that story in that moment meant so very much to me.

Preexisting Conditions is my other new favorite! That is so exactly my thing. I won’t say anything else because spoilers but I found that ending hideously satisfying.

I’ll stop rambling but I spent a week reading Januaries and it was amazing. Also, you described the audiobook somewhere and I realized I need to listen to that eventually too. For The Atlas Paradox, the whole cast was great but I was completely blown away by the Belen chapter; if that voice actor has done more work for you, then I definitely need to check it out.

Happy new year! I hope you’re doing well 💙

omg thank you so much for this, I don't even know what to say, I'm so honored my work makes you feel the world is a beautiful place. I feel like that is the goal? the point? but many people don't walk away with that feeling or don't really receive that message and then I feel like I failed in some way. so. thank you

I am ALSO thrilled that monsterlove spoke to you because I knew it might mean something to other people who had also experienced that, but wasn't sure how it would read to someone who hadn't. what a wonderful thing to hear. and YAY okay so a lot of people have expressed how much they dislike preexisting conditions (which I don't get, since it's basically exactly the same story as the animation games but told more spitefully lol) and I personally had to fight for that story to even be in the collection. I like it!! I think it's funny! SORRY!!! but anyway thank you so much. "hideously satisfying" is exactly what I was going for, you understand me

yes, the actor who voiced belen is alex palting and she read "chaos theory" and "monsterlove," which were probably the two most demanding performances in the collection. she KILLED it, I truly think she should win awards for that performance. her rendition of violeta is my favorite thing. I also find the audio version of "the audit" to be soooo funny. I've listened to it multiple times

[blackswaneuroparedux]

‘Pimpernel of the Hellenes’, ‘Major Paddy’, ‘Enchanted maniac’: Will the real Paddy Leigh Fermor please stand up?

Paradox reconciles all contradictions. - Patrick Leigh Fermor

So one evening I was baby sitting my nephews and nieces here in our family chalet in Verbier, high up in the Swiss Alps. It was my turn to baby sit as the rest of my family enjoyed the fantastic classical music concerts and events showcased at the two week long Verbier 30th Festival. The little scamps had gone to bed and my father and I watched an old British war movie on DVD, ‘Ill Met By Moonlight’ (1957). It was filmed by the legendary team of Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger based on the 1950 book ‘Ill Met by Moonlight: The Abduction of General Kreipe’ by W. Stanley Moss. 

I’ve seen the film a couple of times before, but until now never really paid attention to where the title came from. My father said it was from Shakespeare’s ‘A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream’ And so it was. In the play, Oberon, the king of the fairies and the Queen are having a fairly bitter drawn-out fight over custody of a changeling Indian child, and this is how the pissed off king greets the queen when they run into each other, “Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania”. Oberon is basically saying "Oh Lord, it's you..." and Titania's response is basically a flippant middle finger. One of the best modern reasons to read Shakespeare: to throw playful erudite shade at others.

Anyway, the historical background of the film is the German invasion of Crete in May 1941.  After an intense ten-day battle, Allied troops were driven back across the island, and many were evacuated from beaches along the southern coast. Some Cretans and British officers took to the mountains to organise resistance against the occupying forces.  The German occupation that followed was especially brutal. Dreadful reprisals followed every act of resistance. The German commander, General Müller, insisted on taking 50 Cretan lives for every German soldier killed; he became known as ‘The Butcher of Crete’.

As a Classicist side note, there had been a close association between Britain and Crete since the early 20th century, when archaeologist Sir Arthur Evans had uncovered the sensational remains of a Minoan palace at Knossos. The headquarters of the British archaeological school in Crete was a large villa alongside the site, known as Villa Ariadne. Several archaeologists, who knew the island and its people well, went underground after the German occupation to aid the Cretan resistance. Continuing in this tradition, scholar and travel-writer Patrick Leigh Fermor, who had got to know Greece in the 1930s, joined the Special Operations Executive (SOE).

During the German occupation, Major Paddy Leigh Fermor travelled to Crete three times to help organise local resistance against the hated German occupation. On the third occasion, in February 1944, he was parachuted in with a specific mission to kidnap German commander General Müller, to boost morale on Crete along with his erstwhile SOE comrade Capt. W. Stanley Moss MC (aka Billy Moss) of the Coldstream Guards. However, just after they parachute in, General Müller was replaced by General Heinrich Kreipe, who transferred from the Russian Front. Thinking that capturing one general was as good as another, Fermor merrily go ahead with the daring kidnap operation.

It’s at this point that the narrative of Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger’s ‘Ill Met by Moonlight’ (1957) picks up. Dirk Bogarde plays Paddy Leigh Fermor, David Oxley plays Moss, and Marius Goring plays the taciturn German paratroop general. Blink and you’ll miss the late great Christopher Lee making a cameo appearance as a German officer in the dentist’s room scene.

The film naturally takes some liberty with the facts but it’s a cracking yarn of high adventure and drama. Xan Fielding, a close friend of Leigh Fermor from the SOE in Cairo, was taken on as technical adviser. The fact the film was shot in in the Alpes-Maritimes in France and Italy, and on the Côte d'Azur in France, far away from the craggy valleys and mountains of Crete itself. The director Michael Powell spent some time walking in Crete to get to know the island, but decided that, with the confused and volatile state of Greek politics, it was not suitable to film there.

Looking back years after he had directed it Powell didn’t think much of his own film. By contrast, Paddy Leigh Fermor, who was on set throughout the film shoot, was very happy with Bogarde’s portrayal of him with Byronic glamour. Watching the movie again ‘Ill Met by Moonlight’ remains a classic and stands out from many British war films of the 1950s because of its realism. The British SOE men and the Cretan guerrillas look absolutely right for their parts. It is dramatic and full of suspense while filled with much boyish humour.

I was disappointed with one notable omission in the film that did happen in real life. According to Patrick Leigh Fermor, at dawn one day during the journey across the mountains, General Kreipe was looking at the mist rising from Mount Ida and began to recite, in Latin, the opening lines of Horace’s ninth ode:

Vides ut alta stet nive candidum Soracte nec iam sustineant onus silvae laborantes geluque flumina constiterint acuto?

Behold yon Mountains hoary height, Made higher with new Mounts of Snow; Again behold the Winters weight Oppress the lab’ring Woods below: And Streams, with Icy fetters bound, Benum’d and crampt to solid Ground

(John Dryden 1685)

Leigh Fermor picked up on the General, and recited the remaining stanzas of the Ode. ‘Ach so, Herr Major,’ said Kreipe when Leigh Fermor had finished. Both men were amazed to realise they shared a classical education and a love of ancient Latin poetry.

Leigh Fermor later wrote that it was as though the war had ceased to exist for a moment, as ‘We had both drunk from the same fountains before.’ It brought captor and captive together with a strange bond. The scene was not reproduced in the film, as Powell and Pressburger probably thought it would make the men sound too academic for a popular cinema audience.

Leigh Fermor and Kreipe met again in the early 1970s, on a Greek television show, and got on famously together. The General said Leigh Fermor had treated him chivalrously as a captive. They remained friends until Kreipe’s death.

After sharing a late night drink with my father after the film, I began to muse on the figure of Paddy Leigh Fermor, a family friend and someone I met along with his wife, Joan, as a little girl. My grandparents, and especially my grandmother, knew Paddy briefly from their days during and after the Second World War. 

My father shared a few stories about him when he and my mother visited his beautiful home in Greece, where even at his advanced age he remained the most generous of hosts and the most outrageous flirt. 

One of my memories was getting into his battered old Peugeot in the drive way and trying to drive it when my feet could barely touch the pedals. It wouldn’t have mattered in any case as the brakes didn’t work as he cheerfully said later as we careened around a dirt road to go around the mountains for a drive.

Many years later in April 2022, I tried to visit the home of the late Patrick and Joan Leigh Fermor - a sort of pristine shrine to their memory that one can also stay in any of the rooms as a vacation rental  - in the coastal fishing village of Kadarmyli in the Peloponnese, as part of a hiking and mountaineering sojourn around Greece with ex-Army friends. We couldn’t stay there as it was already rented out to other guests, and so we stayed higher up the mountain in a villa, but we swam in front of the Fermor’s home which was on the water’s edge.

You could never put your finger on Paddy Leigh Fermor. He hid behind his gift for telling yarns, and pulling Ancient Greek verses out of the thin air, as well as boisterously singing local Greek songs with a drink in his hand. 

Even after his death in 2011, the question keeps nagging as to who was Paddy Leigh Fermor?

The Dirk Bogarde film too seems to ask, who exactly is the ‘real’ Patrick Leigh Fermor - or the real anyone? Taking its title from a Shakespearian play concerned with dreams and disguises, magic and power, ‘Ill Met By Moonlight’ is all about questions of identity.

Under the film credits, we see Dirk Bogarde in uniform; then, unexpectedly, we see him in the flamboyant outfit of a Cretan hill-bandit. A title informs us that Major Leigh Fermor was also known by the Greek code-name “Philidem.” In other words, there are two of him (at least), and on one level the adventure the film is about to unfold reflects a conflict in his personality. It’s a conflict shared, unknowingly, by his Nazi opposite number, the fierce, arrogant General Kreipe (an unlikely “proud Titania,” but it’s true that he “with a monster is in love” – the monster of Nazism). Kreipe’s human side is so rigorously repressed by the demands of war and “glory” that he is genuinely unaware of it; ironically, this humanness, which constitutes the true manhood of this Teuton warrior, is revealed by a boy (equivalent to Shakespeare’s Indian Prince?) - who, in turn, is the most grown up person in the movie.

If “Philidem” appears under the credits, caped and open-shirted, a romantic dream-figure out of an operetta or a storybook, he is first seen in the film proper as a coarser, more down-to-earth version of the same thing – an ordinary Cretan peasant in a shabby suit, waiting for a bus. When he makes contact with the Resistance, his personality fragments further.

To some, he is the mystical Philidem, Pimpernel of the Hellenes and righter of wrongs. To others he is “Major Paddy,” the happy-go-lucky Englishman of popular movie myth conducting war as if it were a branch of amateur theatricals, a gentleman adventurer relying on breeding to get him through and making fun of the whole business. To Bill Moss (David Oxley), the newly arrived junior officer sent to assist him, he is the cool, fast-thinking professional soldier. And to himself? In his quietly passionate defence of Cretan life and culture, he seems someone else again: a scholar and aesthete outraged by the barbarism and folly of war, and by the moronic arrogance shown by his captive toward the Cretan people.

Whatever his persona, Leigh Fermor is a chameleon who never seems to change very radically in himself. Perhaps because he has this quality of seeming all things to all men – and being those things - he remains unfazed by the monolithic might of the German military machine. Fluent in Greek, he can also speak German like a German and is easily able to assume another disguise, that of a faceless Nazi officer. Although he and Moss make fun of themselves - “If only I had a monocle!” muses Moss when Leigh Fermor tells him he “looks like an Englishman dressed like a German, leaning against the Ritz bar” - they are able to effect the kidnapping with an ease that seems appropriately Puckish. General Kreipe is ignominiously thrust onto the floor of his own limousine, gagged, and sat upon by a couple of the peasants he so despises. Kreipe’s rage is compounded by his firm conviction that he has been snatched by “amateurs” - a belief Leigh Fermor and Moss slyly make no objection to, knowing how it will gnaw at his already shaky Master Race self-confidence.

Patrick Leigh Fermor, aka Major Paddy, aka Philidem, in the film’s closing moments, is far from being self-assured intellectual or dashing amateur adventurer or legendary outlaw of the hills. He’s just a tired man who wants to go home and rest up. “How do you feel?” asks Moss. “Flat” is the reply. “You look flat!” says Moss. “I know how I’d like to look …” murmurs Leigh-Fermor wistfully. Moss knows what he’s going to say, and joins in the litany: “Like an Englishman dressed like an Englishman – and leaning against the Ritz bar!” It’s easy to imagine them ordering drinks at that renowned watering-hole with all the suavity required by this little fantasy. 

Still, the film’s last images of Crete receding in the distance, until all we can see is the sea, suggests that maybe Major Paddy’s heart is really back in those hills in the “fair and fertile” land that has become as much a Powellian landscape of the mind for us as the studio-built Himalayan convent of ‘Black Narcissus’ or the monochrome Heaven of ‘A Matter of Life and Death’. And, as the film POV closing shots departs both Crete and this film, I began to think that being “dressed like an Englishman and leaning against the Ritz bar” would, for Patrick Leigh Fermor constitute yet another disguise. After all, he said he was of Irish aristocratic stock.

Traveller and writer Paddy Leigh Fermor is best known for two events. He’s known for leading the commando group in occupied Crete to kidnap General Kreipe. But he is also known for the boy who, at a mere 18 years old, set off with little money and a lot of nerve in 1933 to walk from the Hook of Holland to Constantinople.

Patrick Leigh Fermor was, in the words of one of his obituaries, a cross between Indiana Jones, James Bond and Graham Greene. Self-reliance and derring-do were lessons learnt from the cradle. When Fermor’s geologist father was posted to India, he and his wife left the infant with family in Northamptonshire and did not return until his fourth birthday. In retrospect, he took great delight in being sent to a school for difficult children and getting himself expelled from the King’s School, Canterbury, when he was caught holding hands with a greengrocer’s daughter eight years his senior. His school report infamously judged him ‘a dangerous mix of sophistication and recklessness’.

Sharing a flat in Shepherd’s Market, one of Mayfair’s seedier corners, Leigh Fermor schooled himself in literature, history, Latin and Greek.

He honed his character with the company of extraordinary people and the words of great writers - he had a prodigious memory for prose as well as poetry. He befriended literary lions such as Sacheverell Sitwell, Evelyn Waugh and Nancy Mitford. His travels began aged ‘eighteen-and-three-quarters’ when he rejected Sandhurst Royal Military College in order to walk the length of Europe from Hook of Holland to Constantinople. He took with him Horace’s Odes and the Oxford Book of Verse though Leigh Fermor could recite Shakespeare soliloquies, Marlowe speeches, Keats’s Odes and as he modestly put it ‘the usual pieces of Tennyson, Browning and Coleridge’ from memory.

Leigh Fermor was then a self-made man in the most literal sense.

Setting off from England in 1933, Fermor resolved to traverse Europe living like a hermit; sleeping in bars and begging for food. But his manly charms and boyish good looks found him being passed like a favourite godson from Schloss to palace by European nobility and he developed a lifelong penchant for aristocratic company. I his own words, ‘In Hungary, I borrowed a horse, then plunged into Transylvania; from Romania on into Bulgaria’. Having reached Constantinople in January 1935, Fermor continued to explore Greece where he fought on the royalist side in Macedonia quelling a republican revolution. In Athens Leigh Fermor met Balasha Cantacuzene, a Romanian countess with whom he fell in love. They were living together in a Moldovan castle when World War Two was declared.

Fluent in Greek, Leigh Fermor was posted as a liaison officer in Albania. Recruited as a Special Operations Executive (SOE), he was shipped from Cairo to German-occupied Crete where he lived disguised as a shepherd in the mountains for two years. On his third expedition to Crete in 1944, Leigh Fermor was parachuted alone onto the island and made connections in the Cretan resistance movement. While waiting for his compatriot Captain Bill Stanley Moss to land by water from Cairo, Leigh Fermor hatched a plot to kidnap German Commander General Heinrich Krieple. He liaised comfortably with Cretan partisans and bandits to pull off one of the war’s greatest coups de théâtre.

Disguised as German soldiers, Leigh Fermor and Moss stopped Krieple’s car at an improvised check point en route back to Nazi HQ in Knossos. Abandoning the General’s car after a two-hour drive, Leigh Fermor left a note indicating that the kidnappers were British so that there wouldn’t be reprisals against Cretan nationals. When the abduction of the unpopular commander was discovered, a German officer in Heraklion allegedly said ‘well, gentlemen, I think this calls for champagne’. It turns out that General Kreipe was despised by his own soldiers because, amongst other things, he objected to the stopping of his own vehicle for checking in compliance with his commands concerning approved travel orders. It’s why for instance the German troops, both in the film and in real life, dare not stop the General’s car as it drove through the check points at Heraklion.

Krieple was evacuated and taken to Cairo and Leigh Fermor entered the annals of World War Two’s most devil-may-care heroes. With characteristic panache, when he was demobbed Leigh Fermor moved into an attic room at the Ritz paying half a guinea a night. But his first travel book, ‘The Traveller’s Tree’, was not about the European odyssey or the Cretan escapades and centred on Leigh Fermor’s adventures in the Carribbean. Published in 1950, ‘The Traveller’s Tree’ was an inspiration for Ian Fleming’s second James Bond novel ‘Live and Let Die’ (1954).

As a host and house guest, Paddy Leigh Fermor was much sought-after. At one of his parties in Cairo, he counted nine crowned heads. He was a confirmed two-gin-and-tonics before lunch man and smoked eighty to 100 cigarettes a day. His party pieces included singing ‘It’s a Long Way to Tipperary’ in Hindustani and reciting ‘The Walrus and the Carpenter’ backwards. In Cyprus while staying with Laurence Durrell, Leigh Fermor apparently stunned crowds in Bella Pais into silence by singing folk songs in perfect Cretan dialect. As Durrell wrote in ‘Bitter Lemons’ (1957), ‘it is as if they want to embrace Paddy wherever he goes’.

He struck up a partiuclar friendship with the famous Mitford sisters, especially Deborah Mitford, later ‘Debo’, the Duchess of Devonshire. It was at the Devonshires’ Irish estate Lismore Castle that ‘Darling Debo’ and ‘Darling Pad’ met and began to correspond. A characteristic letter from the Duchess in 1962 reads ‘The dear old President (JFK) phoned the other day. First question was ‘Who’ve you got with you, Paddy?” He’s got you on the brain’ to which Fermor replies of a broken wrist ‘Balinese dancing’s out, for a start; so, should I ever succeed to a throne, is holding an orb. The other drawbacks will surface with time’.

After the war he travelled widely but was always drawn back to Greece. He built a house on the Mani peninsula - which had been, significantly, the only part of Magna Graecia to resist Ottoman colonisation since the fall of Constantinople in 1453. Before his death in 2011 at the age of 96, he wrote some of the most acclaimed travel books of the 20th century.

His books contain some of the finest prose writing of the past century and disprove Wilde's maxim that "it is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating".

Charm, self-taught knowledge and enthusiasm made up for the lack of a university degree or a private income. His teenage walk across Europe and subsequent romantic sojourn in Baleni, Romania, with Princess Balasha Cantacuzene are proof enough of that. But the difficulty of capturing such an unconventional and glamorous life is made harder by the certainty that Fermor was an unreliable narrator.

He was also an infuriatingly slow writer. Driven by a life-long passion for words yet hampered by anxiety about his abilities, Leigh Fermor published eight books over 41 years. 

‘The Traveller's Tree’ describes his postwar journey through the Caribbean; ‘Mani‘ and ‘Roumeli’ (1958 and 1966) draw on his experiences in Greece, where he would live for much of the latter part of his life. But it is the books that came out of his trans-Europe walk that reveal both the brilliance and the flaws. ‘A Time of Gifts’ was published in 1977, 44 years after he set out on the journey. ‘Between the Woods and the Water’ appeared nine years later. Both describe a world of privilege and poverty, communism and the rising tide of Nazism, and end with the unequivocal words, "To be continued". Yet the third volume hung like an albatross around the author's neck. As the years passed, Fermor found it impossible to shape the last part of his story in the way he wanted.

Leigh Fermor was that rarest of men: a man determined to live on his own terms, if not his own means, and who mostly - and mostly magnificently - succeeded. Always popping off on a journey when he should have been writing about the last one, always ready to party, he was forever chasing beautiful, fascinating or powerful women, even when with his wife, Joan Raynor. She was the great facilitator who funded his passion for travel and writing, as well as women, from her trust fund. His love affairs were discreet but legendary.

Leigh Fermor was happiest among the rogues. Over a lifetime on the road, he sought them, and in turn they responded to his charm, nose for adventure, and his famous wit. He was a keenly-anticipated dinner guest - once outshining Richard Burton at a London society soirée, who he cut-off midway through a recital of ‘Hamlet’. As Richard Burton stormed out, the pleading society hostess said, “But Paddy’s a war hero!” to which Burton grouchily replied, “I don’t give a damn who he is!” 

His partnership with and then marriage to Joan Raynor was an open relationship, at least on Leigh Fermor’s side. Paddy saw in Joan his kindred spirit. Like him, she spent much of her youth travelling to where she pleased; largely in France, where the photographer and literary critic Cyril Connolly became besotted by her. Joan was the daughter of Sir Bolton and Lady Eyres Monsell of Dumbleton Hall, Worcestershire. She was not only stunningly pretty but also 'a beautiful ideal, with the perfect bathing dress, the most lovely face, the most elaborate evening dress', as the Eton educated Connolly described her. Joan also stood out from the upper-class beauties of her day in that she supplemented her mean rich father's allowance by earning her living as a decent photographer.

In 1946, she met Leigh Fermor in Athens, while he was deputy director of the British Institute. Joan met him at a time when he was then in a relationship with a French woman called Denise, who was pregnant with his child, which she aborted. The pair would travel to the Caribbean together under the invitation of Greek photographer Costas, falling madly in love.

She was the only woman that - after decades of sexual scandals - matched his own erratic behaviour. Stories of how they dined fully-clothed in the Mediterranean, dragging a table into the sea, as well as their myriad cats and olive groves, paint a restless couple, who, when not out articulating the peoples of their adopted homeland, kept themselves very busy.

The attraction between Paddy and Joan was instant. So many love affairs that Paddy indulged in seemed about as brief as the flame from a burning envelope and you expected this one with Joan to be too. But somehow, miraculously, it lasts. 

The two were apart a great deal, but in their case, absence did make the heart grow fonder. While Paddy was staying in a monastery in Normandy, supposed to be thinking monk-like thoughts that he would eventually put into his masterpiece A Time To Keep Silence, he was also writing sexy letters to Joan: 'At this distance you seem about as nearly perfect a human being as can be, my darling little wretch, so it's about time I was brought to my senses.' And: 'Don't run away with anyone or I'll come and cut your bloody throat.'

She tantalised him with descriptions of Cyril Connolly making passes at her; but she, like Denise, sounded a rather desperate note when she wrote: 'I got the curse so late this month I began to hope I was having a baby and that you would have to make it a legitimate little Fermor. All hopes ruined this morning.'

Fiercely independent - a trait that must have enamoured Paddy - they were best imagined as two pillars of a Greek temple, beside one-another but capable of holding up the roof of the world that they had built for themselves through the lens of ancient history and Hellenic culture. Indeed, it was said that they had a special ‘pact of liberty’. It is this unconquerable aura that led poet laureate John Betjeman to declare his love for her (he called her ‘Dotty’ and remarked that her eyes were as large as tennis balls). For Cyril Connolly, the photographer she shadowed, and with whom she had a scandalised affair during her first marriage, she was a “lovely boy-girl” and Laurence Durrell named her the ‘Corn Goddess’ because of her slender figure and short hair. But of all of these worthy candidates, it was the warrior-poet Patrick Leigh Fermor who finally won her heart.

To Joan, who described herself as a ‘lifelong loner’ in her diaries, her companionship with the uncomplicated Paddy was a relief. They had no children, nor did they want any - or so Paddy claimed. But those who knew Joan suspected she did want children but it never came to pass; and so she became a devoted aunt or dotted on other friends’ children. For both of them their dozens of cats gave them the next best thing to paternal satisfaction. Still, her morbid fascination with photographing cemeteries painted a much darker side.

Joan Raynor’s inheritance subsidised his peripatetic life at least until the enormous success of ‘A Time of Gifts’ in the late 1970s, which in turn created a new market for his previous volumes about Greece, ‘Mani’ and ‘Roumeli’.

With Joan’s tacit consent, Paddy enjoyed amorous flings, discrete sexual affairs with high society women and sampled the low delights of the brothel. This activity rarely made it into his private letters, but the exceptions could be piquant. Writing in 1958 from Cameroon, where he was on the set of a John Huston movie, he told a (male) friend: “ Errol Flynn and I . . . sally forth into dark lanes of the town together on guilty excursions that remind me rather of old Greek days with you.” In a 1961 letter to the film director John Huston’s wife, Ricki, with whom Leigh Fermor had been having sex with (and would die in a car crash in 1969). “I say,” the passage begins, “what gloomy tidings about the CRABS! Could it be me?” Riffing on pubic lice and their crafty ways, he conjectures that, during a recent romp with an “old pal” in Paris, a force “must have landed” on him “and then lain up, seeing me merely as a stepping stone or a springboard to better things” - to Mrs. Huston, that is. As comic apologies for venereal infection go, the passage is surely a classic.

Like most high flying lives, it was far from blameless. Wounded women were littered in his wake. Some British visitors to Athens were less than impressed by this Englishman who posed as “more Greek than the Greeks”.

Some Greeks shared their disdain. Revisionist historians criticised his role in wartime Crete, and warned their fellow Hellenes that for all his fluency and charm, Leigh Fermor was no latter day Byron. His unoccupied car was blown up outside his Mani house, probably by members of the Greek Communist Party which he had vocally opposed. The accidental fatal shooting of a partisan in Crete led to a long blood feud which made it difficult for Leigh Fermor to re-enter the island until the 1970s, and possibly explains why he chose to settle in the Peloponnese rather than among the hills and harbours of his dreams.

His own books had already eclipsed those incidents, not only among readers of English but also in Greece, where in 2007 the government of his adopted land made him a Commander of the Order of the Phoenix for services to literature.

Travel writers such as the great Jan Morris have described Leigh Fermor as the master of their trade and its greatest exponent in the 20th century.

When ‘A Time of Gifts’ was published in 1977, Frederick Raphael wrote: “One feels he could not cross Oxford Street in less than two volumes; but then what volumes they would be!”

They are not for everyone. Leigh Fermor wrote that written English is a language whose Latinates need pegging down with simple Anglo-Saxonisms, and some feel that he personally could have made more and better use of the mallet. His exuberance is either captivating or florid. It is certainly unique among English prose styles.

Artemis Cooper, his patient and careful biographer wrote that “Paddy had found a way of writing that could deploy a lifetime’s reading and experience, while never losing sight of his ebullient, well-meaning and occasionally clumsy 18-year-old self … this was a wonderful way of disarming his readers, who would then be willing to follow him into the wildest fantasies and digressions”.

Those fantasies and digressions took decades to express. ‘A Time of Gifts’ had arguably been 40 years in the making when it was published in 1977. Its sequel, ‘Between the Woods and the Water’, did not appear until 1986. The third and final volume has been awaited ever since. Following Leigh Fermor’s death, a foot-high manuscript was apparently found on his desk.

Once he knuckled down to it, Leigh Fermor loved playing around with words. He was one of our greatest stylists and he was devoted to producing un-improvable books. But writing did not come easily to him, at least partly because it was something of a distraction from the main event, which was living an un-improvable life of unrepentant gaiety and fun.

For forty odd years, a legion of friends and admirers would beat a path to Paddy and Joan’s door. Artists, poets, royalty and writers came, all taking inspiration from their erudite hosts. A visit was an act of communion, a sharing of ideas and stories.

Leigh Fermor influenced a generation of British travel writers, including Bruce Chatwin, Colin Thubron, Philip Marsden, Nicholas Crane, Rory Stewart, and William Dalrymple. Indeed when Bruce Chatwin died, it was Paddy who scattered Chatwin’s ashes near a church in the mountains in Kardamyli. 

When I was there in April 2022, I went to that same church to pay my respects.

But some of Paddy’s life energy was sucked out of him when Joan died in Kardamyli in June 2003, aged 91. It was related that Joan said to her friend Olivia Stewart, who was visiting: 'I really would like to die but who'd look after Paddy?' Olivia said that she would. A few minutes later, Joan fell, hit her head - and died instantly of a brain haemorrhage. Joan had often quoted Rilke: 'The good marriage is one in which each appoints the other as guardian of his solitude.' Now Paddy Leigh Fermor was all alone.

Leigh Fermor was knighted in 2004, the day of his birthday which he delighted in like a giggling schoolboy. But he missed Joan terribly.

For the last few months of his life Leigh Fermor suffered from a cancerous tumour, and in early June 2011 he underwent a tracheotomy in Greece. As death was close, according to local Greek friends, he expressed a wish to visit England to bid goodbye to his friends, and then return to die in Kardamyli, though it is also stated that he actually wished to die in England and be buried next to his wife, Joan, in Dumbleton, Gloucestershire. He stayed on at Kardamyli until the 9th June 2011, when he left Greece for the last time. He died in England the following day, 10th June 2011, aged 96. It was reported that he had dined in full black tie on the evening of his death. Paddy had style even unto the end.

A Guard of Honour was formed by the Intelligence Corps and a bugler from his former regiment, the Irish Guards, delivered the ‘Last Post’ at Paddy’s funeral. As had been his wish, he was buried beside Joan. On his gravestone in Dumbleton cemetery is an inscription in Greek, a quote from Constantine Cavafy: “In addition, he was that best of all things, Hellenic.”

Although Joan had passed away at the age of ninety-one, after suffering a fall in the Mani. Her body was repatriated to Dumbleton, the place of her birth - ironic that her dream was to be as far as she could possibly go from the rolling humdrum Worcestershire hills. But perhaps she intended to return all along. When Paddy was buried beside her it seemed that the ‘pact of liberty’ that these two lonely souls had forged themselves could be tested in the great elsewhere. Joan was more than his muse (as many of her obituaries were at pains to declare) but his greatest adventure.

To come around full circle from the movie ‘Ill Met By Moonlight’ (1957) that I saw that night in Verbier, my father told me that rather poignantly, General Kreipe, the German commander Leigh Fermor had captured - once an enemy, and later a friend - left behind notes and photographs from across his life. On one of those notes, it was discovered, the following was scribbled from a brief visit to Greece: “Somewhere, amidst all the disarray, was the story of Joan and Paddy, and” it concluded, “…of their lives together.”

His life with Joan and all that she meant to him was one part of the mosaic of who Paddy Leigh Fermor was. But it’s incomplete. 

Paddy didn’t like the idea of a biography, and neither did Joan when she was alive. But friends had persuaded them that unless Paddy appointed someone to write his life, he might find himself the subject of a book whether he liked it or not. In Artemis Cooper they couldn’t have chosen a better writer to chronicle Paddy’s life as a man of action and letters. Cooper, was the daughter of another accomplished diplomat and historian, John Julius Norwich, and grand-daughter of  Duff and Diana Cooper. As the wife of the historian Antony Beevor, she became a trusted friend of the Leigh Fermors. Cooper was too good of a historian to let her friendship lead her astray from being a faithful but serious biographer. Knowing this, she was told she could go ahead, but she had to promise not to publish anything until after they were both dead.

Paddy did not like being interviewed, and would keep her questions at bay with a torrent of dazzling conversation.  He was the master at deflecting discussions away from himself.

He was also very unwilling to let Cooper see many of his papers, though the refusal always couched in excuses. ‘Oh dear, the Diary…’ It was the only surviving one from his great walk across Europe, and I was aching to read it. ‘Well it’s in constant use, you see, as I plug away at Vol III,’ he would say. Or, ‘My mother’s letters? Ah yes, why not. But it’s too awful, I simply cannot remember where they’ve got to…’ It was quite obvious that he and Joan, while being unfailingly generous, welcoming and hospitable, were determined to reveal as little as possible of their private lives. 

While they were more than happy to talk about books, travels, friends, Crete, Greece, the war, anything - they would not tell her any more than they would have told the average journalist. But she persisted and got closer than most. He showed particularly gallantry in not talking about his romantic entanglements. But she soon twigged that anytime he described a woman as ‘an old pal’ it was a sure bet that he had an affair with her.

Intriguingly, Paddy liked to claim he was descended from Counts of the Holy Roman Empire, who came to Austria from Sligo. Paddy could recite ‘The Dead at Clomacnoise’ (in translation) and perhaps did so during a handful of flying visits to Ireland in the 1950s and 1960s, partying hard at Luggala House or Lismore Castle, or making friends with Patrick Kavanagh and Sean O’Faolain in Dublin pubs. He once provoked a massive brawl at the Kildare Hunt Ball, and was rescued from a true pounding by Ricki Huston, a beautiful Italian-American dancer, John Huston’s fourth wife and Paddy’s lover not long afterwards.

And yet, a note of caution about Paddy’s Irish roots is sounded by his biographer, Artemis Cooper, who also co-edited ‘The Broken Road’, the final, posthumously published instalment of the trilogy. “I’m not a great believer in his Irish roots,” she said of Leigh Fermor in an interview, “His mother, who was a compulsive fantasist, liked to think that her family was related to the Viscount Taaffes, of Ballymote. Her father was apparently born in County Cork. But she was never what you might call a reliable witness. She was an extraordinary person, though. Imaginative, impulsive, impossible - just the way the Irish are supposed to be, come to think of it. She was also one of those sad women, who grew up at the turn of the last century, who never found an outlet for their talents and energies, nor the right man, come to that. All she had was Paddy, and she didn’t get much of him.”  

And I think that’s the point, no one really got much of Paddy Leigh Fermor even as he only gave a crumb of himself to others but still most felt grateful that it was enough to fill one’s belly and still feel overfed by him.

Paddy never tried to get to the bottom of his Irish ancestry, afraid, no doubt, of disturbing the bloom that had grown on history and his past, a recurring trait. “His memory was extraordinary,” Artemis Cooper noted, “but it lay dangerously close to his imagination and it was a very porous border.”

Within the Greek imagination many Greeks saw in Paddy Leigh Fermor as the second coming of Lord Byron. It’s not a bad comparison.  

Lord Byron claimed that swimming the Hellespont was his greatest achievement. 174 years or so later, another English writer, Patrick Leigh Fermor - also, like Byron, revered by many Greeks for his part in a war of liberation - repeated the feat. Leigh Fermor, however, was 69 when he did it and continued to do it into his 80s. Byron was a mere 22 years old lad. The Hellespont swim, with its mix of literature, adventure, travel, bravery, eccentricity and romance, is an apt metaphor for Leigh Fermor’s life. Paddy Leigh Fermor was the Byron of his time. Both men had an idealised vision of Greece, were scholars and men of action, could endure harsh conditions, fought for Greek freedom, were recklessly courageous, liked to dress up and displayed a panache that impressed their Greek comrades. Like a good magician it was also a way to misdirect and conceal one’s true self.

What or who was the true Paddy Leigh Fermor?  

Like Byron, Leigh Fermor appeared as a charismatic and assured figure. He was a sightseer, consuming travel, culture, and history for pleasure. He was an aristocrat moving in the social circles of his time. He was a gifted amateur scholar, speculating on literary and historical sources. Leigh Fermor, Byron’s own identity, is subject to textual distortion; it emerges from a piece of occasional prose in his books and is shaped by the claims of correspondence on a peculiarly fluid consciousness. 

There is no hard and fast distinction to be drawn here between real and imagined, only a continuity of relative fictions that lie between memory and imagination as his biographer asserted. If there is a will to assert identity here, to disentangle fact and fiction, to give things as they really are and nail down the real Leigh Fermor then it is somewhere between the two. This is where we will find Paddy.

For many his death marked the passing of an extraordinary man: soldier, writer, adventurer, a charmer, a gallant romantic. As a writer he discovered a knack for drawing people out and for stringing history, language, and observation into narrative, and his timing was perfect. Paddy often indulged in florid displays of classical erudition. His learned digressions and serpentine style, his mannered mandarin gestures, even baroque prose, which Lawrence Durrell called truffled and dense with plumage, were influenced by the work of Charles Doughty and T.E. Lawrence. But one can’t compare him. I agree with the acclaimed writer Colin Thurbon who said, “There is, in the end, nobody like him. A famous raconteur and polymath. Generous, life-loving and good-hearted to a fault. Enormously good company, but touched by well-camouflaged insecurities. I would rank him very highly. ‘The finest travel writer of his generation’ is a fair assessment.”

As a child I didn’t really know who Paddy Leigh Fermor was other than this very cheerful and charismatic old man was kind, attentive, and took a boyish delight in everything you were doing. Only later on in adulthood was it clear to that Paddy was not only among the outstanding writers of his time but one of its most remarkable characters, a perfect hybrid of the man of action and the man of letters. Equally comfortable with princes and peasants, in caves or châteaux, he had amassed an enviable rich experience of places and people. “Quite the most enchanting maniac I’ve ever met,” pronounced Lawrence Durrell, and nearly everyone who’d crossed paths with him had, it seemed, come away similarly dazzled. 

I am equally dazzled - more smitten in retrospect - for alas they don’t make men like Paddy any more. But every time I dip back into his books I think I discover a little bit more of who Paddy Leigh Fermor was because I find him some where between my memory and my imagination.

[louisissucha-teez]

how have we not yet discussed how johnlock guilty as sin? is?

okay so i'm not even gonna get into how The Reichenbach Fall coded 'downtown lights' by the blue nile is (atleast not right now, i have a lot to say already). so, reichenbach fall happens and john's boredom's bone deep, this cage (life, his marriage, whatever you wanna take it as) which was once just fine (because he had sherlock and they had quite a happening life) is decidedly not fine anymore. he feels guilty for feeling this way, he doubts his own grief for how strongly it takes a hold of him, how trivial everything else (read: literally his whole LIFE) feels in comparison to this loss. he doesn't even know what to say, how to act, except to ask am i allowed to cry?

he's remembering the great adventures they had together. the days when "the game is afoot" signalled words ready to be written, fickle mysteries waiting to entrap them but being lacerated by the greatest mind he ever knew, the man he can never leave behind even when he himself was left behind (for somewhere deep down, quite contritely, he blames sherlock for being the first to leave).

but these are all things of past now. all he can do is dream of cracking locks, throwing (their) lives to the wolves or the ocean rocks (because really, what have they not done in pursuit of a criminal?)

then, The Empty Hearse. john is trying to outrun the voices in his head, the memories haunting him. he goes out on a date with mary, put the hauntings to a pause and all that, only to crash into him tonight and no, this cannot be happening and mary is looking at him and calling out to him and he should answer, she is getting worried, he should tell her it's fine but is it? is it really fine?

he should be dead.

he's a paradox

he fell to his death.

i'm seeing visions,

john wants to punch him. or hug him. he loves him. he hates him. he wishes this happened like, oh, two years ago. he wishes this never happened. he wishes the dead would've stayed dead, buried in the cemetery he visited heaven knows how many times. he wishes he were the dead instead.

john punches him.

am i bad? or mad? or wise?

i will leave the nsfw part of the chorus to your imagination (i have a lot of it. way too much of it. someone write a fanfic please.)

but sherlock is, after all, much like an add¡ction. the withdrawal was misery and one slip and falling back into the hedge maze and they're on the underground, and they are about to probably be blown up and the last thing he would see is those clear, calculating, alive, eyes staring right back at him and oh, what a way to die

they could've died. they didn't, because of course sherlock wouldn't let him die, but they could've because not every fall can be a feint and sherlock fell from grace in john's heart and he just can't bear to open it up to him again. but of course, he can't escape his own heart, can do nothing but keep his longings locked in lowercase inside a vault. he feels these feelings but doesn't act on them, never acts on them (for someone (sherlock, probably) told him there's no such thing as bad thoughts, only your actions talk). so he keeps these fatal fantasies buried inside (let out only in the dead of night). again, nothing i want to say here that taylor didn't already say.

and how can i not talk about the bridge. what if he gave up on sherlock, on them? and what if he didn't? they're gonna crucify (him) anyway but does it really matter, when he chose him, when he'll always choose him, when sherlock has haunted him for years but he'd still choose him, religiously, when what they have is all that is holy, and without it all he knows is agony?

he's here, sherlock is finally here, an answer to john's million, billion, whimpering prayers, but he's still left longing for their trysts. is he allowed to cry?

(bonus point for why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow basically being the definition of johnlock from literally day 1)

[theoriginaleppieblack-blog]

Happy 81st Birthday to Jimmy Page! Here is a humble winter offering to our fandom's Holly King. A portrait of times past with Alexander Logan and Tristam Lindsay of Paradox. This Winter's Tale is an extremely loose retelling of a lost story from Pamela Rose's Paradox material, Christmas in Wales. I'll lead you to the fandom history of Paradox at Fanlore here and Ao3 here but long story short this is an adaptation of a story written in the early-1980s that I saw on the Old Web in the 1990s and I only partly remember. In fact, it may be a memory of a memory. I may have heard a summary or a discussion of a story that was already lost. The central motif though, of Alex going off to have a Ringo-In-A-Hard-Day's-Night sulk in his old Welsh borderlands Homes And Haunts and Tris rescuing him is true to the original. The original had more explicit sex and less handmade sweaters, I think, but I needed a central element and I had just finished these. It makes a nice tribute to Jimmy's mom and his gorgeous argyle vest. Also thank you to Fluffernutter, Symon, McCoy, Molly, Gallagher, Murphy, Kieran, Shamrock, Bianca, Finnegan, Flopsy, Callahan and Squeaker for providing the Rabit Angora yarn that these sweaters are made of. Anyway, here's Tris and Alex in

CHRISTMAS IN WALES, 1970

Here we see the two at an intimate party for Tristam's winter birthday. Someone--one of their bandmate's wives--can't help but ask about the matching sweaters. "A gift from a fan, meant to reflect your stage colors?" Jane Cameron guesses. (Author Note: Jane Cameron--expy of Maureen Jones and Sheila Neil--expy of Pat Bonham--have identical personalities in the original Paradox Material. Which like, alright, at least they didn't get too personal in adapting the wives but the only difference between them here is that Janey is nice and Sheila is shrewish. That and not great adaptations of USAmerican ideas of British working class accents. I've mixed a little of the ladies of British Folk like Sandy Denny and Sue Waterson into my version of Janey and a little competence, empathy and tenacity into my version of Sheila while not prying too much into people's lives. I don't want to be a creep. I just want to retell these legends of the peak of civilization in my own voice. Around this metaphorical electronic campfire. On this long winter night. I always imagined I'd do this. After the collapse. With less internet and dolls and more actual campfire and perhaps and acoustic guitar. But well, We all know now that we will be required to work during the apocalypse sooooo FOMO.)

"My Mother made them, actually." Tris replied, proudly. "They were for Christmas." (Author's Note: Tris's mother is a fragile, fey little thing in the original Paradox Material which is quite unlike my vague understanding of Mrs. Patricia Page, first of her name. I see no reason to change this for one thing Mrs. Lindsay's psychic ramblings are the first indication that Paradox live in a Magickal Realism universe, in this case the type where Magick works about twice as often and twice as strongly as the the strongest currently reported effects and some of the metaphorical stuff and astral stuff involved in occultism or mysticism or Theurgy happen IRL but not so much or so often that it breaks the world as we know it. Oh, and another good effect of Mrs. Lindsay's psychic rambling is that Alex is EXACTLY who she expected Tris to bring home to Mummy. Mrs. Lindsay says Gay Rights!)

ANYWAY -- Back to the story, Epppie!

Whenever they wear the sweaters together Alex, can't help but think about what a hero Tris was the day he received his first handmade made gift from Tris's Ma! Tris should feel like a hero on his birthday, after all. So, Alex let's his friends in, just a little, on the secrets of his and Tris's Christmas, the previous year, in Wales.

At the end of their autumn tour, Tris and Alex parted ways for the first time since -- well, nearly since they'd met. Alex had gone back home to the Black Country with Duffy Neal, Paradox's drummer (and Alex's childhood best friend). (Author's Note: There's a little stress here, Tris is all in with Alex, but Alex still has an extended kin network that he needs to nurture. And this is after a tour in which Alex spent as much time managing Duffy's emotions as he has working on his art, magick and sex--his Great Work with Tris.)

But fitting in back home proves awkward for Alex Logan. The support network of the Alex/Duffy/Sheila triad, with Duffy's supportive Aunt and Sheila's old-fashioned but tolerant parents is overwhelmed by relatives who previously would not have given them the time of day. Now everybody wants to see the what the Paradox money has done and see the improvements on the farm. Duffy and Alex both get gender-shamed about wanting to spend time with Billy Neal, Duffy's son (and Alex's godson). Duffy hides in showing off his motors and, of course, drinking. But Alex, really get's into it with someone -- Duffy's grandmother maybe. And Alex storms off. Possibly in his new sportscar or maybe it was in Guinevere, his old VW Beetle (Author's note: In my doll universe Guinevere has been upgraded to a VW Bus as portrayed by a 1970 Barbie Camper)

Alex drives around, visits his maternal Grandfather's grave, his old school, and even parks outside his estranged parent's house for a while, imagines going in, imagines a different life. He ends up going to a vacation cottage that he used to go to with his parents when he was a kid. The landlord lives in the gatehouse of the estate that the cottages are on and he just knocks on the door and rents it in cash. (Author's Note: The estate is this place that's like an Elizabethan farmhouse that became a 19th century super fancy hunting lodge that the family turned into a place where they could stash a son who had a bad war and his loyal batsman/valet/romantic friend. They were the one's renting the vacation cottages and, before that, letting Alex's maternal grandfather's folk set up on his land. This place becomes everything to Paradox -- it's their Bron Yr Aur, it's their Headley Grange, it's their once hoped for permanent home base studio. It becomes Alex's permanent home officially and Tri's in actuality.)

Alex is resolved to spend Christmas alone in the tiny cabin. He's kind of wallowing in it, tbh. His poor dog, Elessar, along for the ride. Alex Logan, 20-year-old millionaire rethinking his life choices.

Oh and it get's very cold. Maybe it snows. Yeah. I think they play in the snow later. Like there's a parody of a scene of a scene in A Child's Christmas in Wales. Later, after Tris shows up.

Anyway, poor Alex, he does get cold, and a bit hungry. Stil a bit stubborn. He's even taken off the scrying mirror necklace that Tris gave him. (Author's Note: There are two different stories about how he got that necklace. One is that Tris spontaneously gifted it to him just days after they met, almost at random, from an auction lot he was receiving at the time. A ploy to impress the beautiful young singer but a portentous gift for a first date/job interview. The other is that it was gifted to Alex on a milestone birthday, after careful consideration and with the solemnity of a marriage proposal.)

After some tribulations of his own Tris does show up. He just couldn't sit still for his family Christmas party, it was not at all a surprise when Duffy called to tell him Alex was missing. Tris verifies with his housekeeper back in London that Alex isn't back there before rousing their manager, Mick Royce to help him retrace Alex's steps. Secretly he uses his highly trained intuition as a guide. He uses Duffy's clues and what he know of Alex's path and even talks to Alex's younger sister for the first time, before he ends up at a certain vacation cabin over the border in Wales. He arrives with a hamper the size of a coffee table, repacked by his Mum and a present too. Mick grumbles about his ruined Christmas before he leaves Tris there. They'll get back in Alex's ride.

The present is a matching sweater for Alex. After the disaster at the Neal family gathering and the reminders of his own parent's rejection of him, Alex is overwhelmed that Tris's mother made him a gift like this.

Good food was also a great help.

And they passed a very pleasant Christmas in Wales, vowing to return in the Spring when the weather was better. And that's when their love affair with their future home began.

[meowww-ffxiv]

Finished Dawntrail main story! :}

Blorbo thoughts below.

.

It was thematically appropriate that Mordred, who was a funeral priest and had by this point in his life performed many a send-off, to both his most beloved Hydaelyn AND to his enemies, who spent that life after so much death during the Seventh Calamity helping others find comfort and dignity in their and their loved ones' passing, to be here in Living Memory.

He asked Cahciua to verify first. Theodore's Echo, when empowered by Mordred, could detect the melody of souls and not just the aether they were cocooned in. So with her blessing, they performed such a search -- and I'm sure they found it was just as she said. That all of Living Memory was a hollow echo.

And then Mordred agreed to her request.

.

Theodore accompanied Erenville for much of the time there, because they were close friends and because Theodore had also lost his mother. They didn't speak much during, since Erenville seemed someone who would rather weather his own pains in private, but he took great comfort in the fact that someone refused to leave him to his own devices. Someone unjudgmental and patient, and quiet.

They didn't speak after, not just yet, but one day soon they would.

Liios in his own WoL-verse did, though.

In a quiet moment afterwards, Liios caught up with Erenville in the dimming lights of a seaside street, and asked, "How are you?"

Erenville wanted to walk away. But the warmth and calm with which that question was asked made some already-fragile thing inside his chest crack. So he blurted, "I don't have a name for it. This-- This--"

"Mm," Liios agreed, like he knew exactly what it was Erenville meant, and so spared him the need to explain it.

They walked together, aimlessly, through those darkened streets. Until Erenville eventually said, "Ptolemy told me that you lost your mother too, decades ago."

"Yes. It was a good death. She was calm. We knew it was coming," Liios replied. He, too, sounded calm. The smooth surface of a scar healed over. "Her parting tore me apart in a way that unmade and remade me."

He left space in the silence that followed, for Erenville to speak. When he didn't, Liios continued, "Once the first wave of died away, it revisited me in fragments. Mum's favorite coffee mug on the kitchen counter. Her name cited in research papers that I read. Letters addressed to her from old students and colleagues that took weeks to arrive, so by the time they got to us, it was already months after the funeral.

"Seeing the casket lowered into the ground wasn't as hard as knowing that she will never drink out of that mug again. Nor will she be there to answer questions I have about those papers and her opinions on their findings. Nor will she ever sit by the window of our house, smelling of jasmine and incense, answering those letters. It overwhelmed me, the void that Mum left behind."

Erenville's steps faltered. Liios slowed too, adjusting his pace effortlessly so they were still together, shoulder-to-shoulder. His eyes were on the sea and its gentle ripples, diligently averted from the tears pouring down Erenville's face.

"I told the housekeeper to stay out of our home for six months," Liios said. "I couldn't bear it -- to touch anything in that house felt like it would erase the last traces of her in the world. In this corner of the world that we once shared. Ptolemy was still unwell then, so he stayed at the hospital most nights, though I think he did so intentionally because it was me that he couldn't bear and not the house, nor her loss.

"Days went by. The dust gathered. Everything was untouched, just the way it was when she left for the last time, inert and lifeless. She departed anyway. I scrambled to hold onto her presence, to the point of destroying every opportunity I'd spent decades to earn for myself.

"But then we went to Eorzea, and I found her again. Paradoxically, she wasn't in that mausoleum I'd made of our home. She was a forceful and assertive woman, you see. She traveled to the least recommended places to render medical aid to those who might not have any hope of such help even existing. And Eorzea, Coerthas, being the dangerous frontier that it was... When I hiked into the mountains with my students and made our aetherological engineering 'projects' into helping install self-functioning lamps so the locals wouldn't slip in the dark, or some such... There she was. Rhaya Suvalli, the Miqo'te scholar who sprung my brother out of the grave my clan had already placed him into, just waiting for him to stop breathing. Rhaya Suvalli, up to her elbows in grease or blood, helping people. Because it was what she'd set her heart on. Because she had decided this was the right thing to do."

The sea-winds were cold at night. Erenville blamed them for the way he was shivering and not because of the feeling of seams rapidly coming apart under his skin.

But Liios turned and shrugged off the short cloak he'd been wearing, and tossed it around Erenville's shoulders. He continued, like he didn't see the tears still, "I turn ninety-two this year. Believe me when I say that what I just told you is a universal experience. So long as you continue to live, you'll find those you have outlived in the things they loved and cared about. And Cahciua was obviously a remarkable woman, so I'm more than certain you will find her with ease. Never mind the fact that you're one of the finest gleaners we've had in a generation."

...Being honest, Erenville had always had a mild aversion to Liios. Some of it was exactly because Liios reminded him of the most exhausting bits of his mother. Someone who seemed nice and cheerful, but was in fact very pushy and always deciding things on their own. The other part was just Liios himself, who was talkative and high-energy in a way that made Erenville want to exit the room. The audacity of the Warrior of Light to be shocked that Erenville wasn't yet thirty, when Liios himself felt overly young for his age. Which, cringe.

But in that moment, Liios's lopsided smile and the paltry attempt at a compliment left a warmth in Erenville's chest that, just like the grief he hadn't yet untangled, could not be extinguished.

He still snorted and shook his head, sullenly wrapping the cloak up to his nose to hide his face. But when Liios laughed, the tears slowed.

Erenville had no clear recollection of how he got from the streets back to the palace and into his bedroom, only that he didn't feel crushingly alone during any of it which meant Liios escorted him. And he would claim no recollection of why there was a green-and-brown cloak among his possessions now, either.

Erenville considered passing it back through Ptolemy, but his friend giving him an amused look and asking, "Are you returning a gift?" had him rescind the thought.

But faces had to be saved. So Erenville told Ptolemy, "You should be proud. He managed almost an entire conversation about himself without mentioning you more than once."

To which Ptolemy only laughed, a little sadly. "I made him promise to try and live for himself, after he returned from Ultima Thule," he said. "I see Svalin is as serious about his promises as he'd always been."

It gave Erenville the nebulous feeling that maybe the invincible Warrior of Light might be among the least okay people in Eitherys. But they could unpack that later. Cahciua would most definitely have pestered Liios, anyway. Erenville might try his hand at it.

.

Coming back to Meowdred for a moment. Every time he saw the aftermath of an Umbral Calamity, Meowdred wanted to descend to the Underworld and beat Emet-Selch to death a second time.

It was pointless. He knew that. Ascians didn't give a fuck. Emet-Selch most of all. Everything for the glory of their past, etc. He couldn't make them hurt the way they hurt these worlds they destroyed, because they were only inflicting that very same pain they suffered on those around them. But Mordred wanted satisfaction so badly. He wanted Emet-Selch to be affected by the raw fury and hatred and agony Mordred himself feel, reprised over and over, in hearing these stories.

But Emet-Selch, once again, would never be sorry. Nor was Azem sorry all those millennia ago, for having walked out on Emet-Selch and his own people.

They all must shoulder their harvests, of joy or of blood.

Somewhere in this was the uncomfortable realization on Mordred's end that he wanted Emet-Selch to care about him; about how he felt. While knowing the fucker didn't. And he knew too where this desire came from; they were very alike, and Mordred sought in Emet-Selch a kinship. An acknowledgement all their own, between them, and not an echo of Hades and Medeus of the Azem seat.

Nasty. Awful. Hate it. But it existed.

.

Liios had licked the new macguffin bestowed upon him by Sphene and the plot at least once by now. He had also stared at the helix shape for a long, long time, and wondered if it had anything to do with the spiral silhouettes so favored by the Ancients of Amaurot.

While in Elpis the first time, Liios had managed to gather some information about Azem. Apparently he was also a technological whiz just like him, with a love for inventing ridiculous devices to solve people's problems. Liios had no idea if that Azem -- whose name was apparently Helios, the comedy that fate was -- knew about the Sundering beforehand, but if he did, wasn't it just like him to leave behind a means by which to bridge worlds?

Ah, well. That was food for thought. For right now, Liios was spending his time trying to puzzle out how to use electrope like the Living Memory's civilization did.

[southeastasiadiary]

Day Twenty-One, Part One: A Day of Wats and Wandering

The description for today on my itinerary reads, “Free time to wander around and free visits. Overnight in Luang Prabang.” Now, as a lifelong overthinker, my natural response to a statement like this is, “Wander around? Where? And how will I know when I’ve wandered enough? How many free visits does one make?” It’s the typical Paradox of Choice. Having too many options, I tend to freeze. For example, the first time I ever went to the DeKalb Farmers Market outside Atlanta, I emerged empty-handed because, seriously, how do you know which of the 396 varieties of green beans to buy? And, after last night’s story, I’m loath to buy beans at the market now anyway.

So, today’s dilemma was: Should I stay in Luang Prabang or go to the Pak Ou Caves? Should I take the bullet train to Vientiane or, as Pindar suggests, “Seek nearer home.”

In the end, inertia made the choice for me, as inertia is wont to do. I slept in late, having gotten up early for the alms ceremony the day before and then having gone back into town for the Garavek Story Telling Show. That meant that it was too late to go to the Pak Ou Caves or Vientiane, each of which would’ve required an early start. So, after a late-ish breakfast, I read the guidebook, chose a few destinations, and took the hotel shuttle to the center of Luang Prabang, and began my own personal Great Wat Tour.

The town of Luang Prabang is about the size of Statesboro, Georgia, where I spent eleven happy years in the 1990s. Actually, the comparison to Statesboro is not at all a bad one. If you simply replace every church of any denomination in Statesboro with a wat (i.e., a temple, a monastery, or a combination of the two) here, you’d end up with much the same thing. I’ll spare you photos of every single wat I took pictures of today (suffice it to say, there were lots), and just give you the Reader's Digest version. Even having just been there, they do start to look a bit “samey” in snapshots. And, if you haven’t been there in person, I doubt it’s easy all to tell one from another. But here are a select few.

I’ll start with the Wat Mahathat (“The Temple of the Large Stupa”) mostly because, while I was there, one of the novices dashed out and rang this large bell to signal that it was time for chanting to begin.

The bell also serves as something of a town clock. You can always tell what time of day it is in Luang Prabang by whichever bell is being sounded in whichever monastery. Even more impressive than the bell is a massive drum that’s hung nearby and played on certain festive occasions.

The large stupa that gives the wat its name can be seen in upper left of this picture. I photographed it almost accidentally since my attention was really drawn to the beautiful, but far less significant golden stupa to the right.

The temple building is quite ornate and, y my eye, very Laotian in style.

A long row of spirit houses lines the rear of the property.

Some of the senior monks are given residences that almost look like tourist cabins.

The steps leaving the wat were littered with frangipani blossoms, a flower that has become a national symbol for Laos.

Since the Laotian word for frangipani is champa, and I’d just come from two countries where the Champa Kingdom was very important, this term can be confusing. In fact, however, the Laotian word champa has absolutely nothing to do with the Champa Kingdom. It’s just a linguistic coincidence.

Recalling that an early name for this territory was Lan Xang, “The Million Elephants Kingdom,” another common symbol is that of the elephant, which also appears nearly everywhere.

By the way, elephant trunks are a little like horseshoes in Southeast Asia. In depictions, they should always be raised, otherwise the luck “runs out.”

Even though I’d been to Wat Mai (“The New Monastery”) the other day, I knew I hadn’t seen everything that was there. So, in my free wandering today, I returned to Wat Mai and saw a building that served as a classroom for instruction in the tenets of Buddhism.

[riverdamien]

The Paradox of Solitude!

"Sloughing Toward's Galilee"!

"Christians/ Catholic Workers Gone Bad!

"Peniel: Where Jacob Wrestled With God!"

"The Paradox of Solitude!"

1 Corinthians 12:4-11

New King James Version

"4 There are [a]diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. 5 There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. 6 And there are diversities of activities, but it is the same God who works [b]all in all. 7 But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all: 8 for to one is given the word of wisdom through the Spirit, to another the word of knowledge through the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healings by [c]the same Spirit, 10 the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another discerning of spirits, to another different kind of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. 11 But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually as He wills".

======================

    Personally, fifty percent of my time or more is spent in solitude. Without solitude, I would not have survived these years. There is a paradox of solitude:

"Solitude is the place of great struggle and the great encounter- the struggle against the compulsions of the false self, and the encounter with the loving God who offers himself as the substance of the new self"(Richard Rhor).

        In silence, one learns to listen to the silent voice within us, inviting us to voicelessness, to listen from the marrow of our being, listening from the most profound source of our lives. We must learn to go into the most profound waves of our being, learning to abide in Christ as Christ remains in us. We must

learn to be silent as the leaves fall around us, trusting in the blossom of the new flowers to come.

    It is in the solitude that the words of Oscar Romero speak to us:

    "Let us not tire of preaching love, for this is the force that will overcome the world. Let us never tire of preaching love. Even if we see waves of violence coming to drown out the fire of Christian love, love must win out. It is the only thing that can."

    It is, in practice, of love that one knows who is to be trusted, for in love, there is the Divine.

    For over thirty years, and more now, I have had twenty or more trains coming at me on one railroad track. I have learned that only through the practice of love for everyone, regardless of who they are, what they have done or will do, who they believe in, what they believe in, or their political party, is the Divine presence enveloping me upward into Christ's love!

    That I learned on the night I forgave the man who had killed my son and stabbed me with the needle that is now sending its death-dealing piece toward my brain.

    So, in the days ahead, I invite you to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, and strength, and your neighbor as yourself." Deo Gratias! Thanks be to God!

=========================

Put me in jail, then. Throw me behind your religious bars since you have dubbed me a breaker of your law. I live my days in the courtroom of your criticism. I move unbothered under the gaze of your gavel. I have no interest in defending myself before your bench. Go on, clench your fists, raise your voice to make your point. Type the rebuke that you must make on my page. Who asked you to come through anyway? Is this rage your duty? We operate under a different set of obligations and get worked up to frustration for different reasons, even though we both claim fidelity to God. If you were interested, which I doubt, here is where my passion lies: feed the hungry, clothe the naked, heal the sick, defend the rights of the orphan, plead the widow’s cause, and woe to you who unjustly enforce God’s Law. Why spend your energy policing me when that same energy could be used to love, fiercely? Justice, mercy, and humility. Go learn what this means. Drew Jackson

Deo Gratias! Thanks be to God!

=============

.

Temenos Catholic Worker

P.O. Box 642656

San Francisco, CA 94164

Dr. River Damien Carlos Sims, D.Min, D.S.T.

==========================

“People ask me why do you write about food,

and eating and drinking. Why don’t you write

about the struggle for power and security and

about love, the way others do? The easiest answer

is to say that, like most other humans I am hungry (M.F. Fisher!”

====================

(Temenos and Dr. River seek to remain accessible to everyone. We do not endorse particular causes, political parties, or candidates, or take part in public controversies, whether religious, political, or social--Our pastoral ministry is to everyone!

[iri-desky]

🕰️!!!!!!

HEY SODA!!

Ooh! You picked one of my favorites! This was the first one I created, actually!

((HUGGEEEE yapping session ahead. Beware))

It's called...

🕰 Time's Toll 🕰

The Story 💎

So there's this girl named Monica Bell. Monica is a pretty stand-up student, lives in Massachusetts with a relatively upper class family in somewhat of a creaky old house in a suburban neighborhand wherein her days feel particularly long, buuut everything's pretty much fine.

Monica doesn't really have many plans for the future. She's decided she's probably going to be a lawyer of some sort, given how it's the family business on her mom's side. But for the most part she has no aim.

This continues on until she decides to aimlessly wander out of bed one night for a glass of water at 2 AM, messes with one of her grandmother's old necklaces she inherited in a tired daze, and suddenly questions why the gem feels like it's pulsating...and why the sun is rising. She let's go of it and everything goes back to normal.

The next day (thank God it's a weekend) she decides to wear it around as she wonders if it was just some weird fever dream or hallucination. This wanders around with it, events keep repeating in some places but not others, and generally incredibly weird time fuckery ensues UNTIL she decides to rip off the necklace and smash it against a wall.

Nothing breaks, but the spirit of her estranged great uncle emerges.

His name's Rufus. He's kind of a nervous wreck.

Now obviously he's pretty damn happy he can see his old house again on the physical plane-- but he's kind of pissed. He's worried that Monica broke the necklace (she did not), but also about being freed in general. The whole time fuckery thing had to do with him trying to make Monica take off the necklace and put it back where she found it, never touching it again unless she needs to. The thing is is that Rufus' spirit was sealed away in there a long time ago, and also it was a very valuable necklace and you should've never even wore it unless it was a special occasion, Monica, and--his ramblings go on.

Monica is just generally baffled by how she's talking to a dead person.

Rufus suddenly realizes that Monica is in the dark about what even makes his existence possible, and he gets ready to explain it to her--

Until he notices the clock is starting to slow down by about half a second.

Now, unbeknownst to Monica, the presence of Rufus alerted something called The Stall to the family's presence in the house. The Stall is basically the thing screwing up the timestream. It causes anomalies, coincidences that seem too strong to be real, strong deja vu, all that-- everything that's ruining timelines up, down, and sideways (a timeline being an inappropriate way of measuring time in the way it functions in this story, anyway).

To help Monica do her part to stop this, Rufus introduced to her to her Dad's side of the family business.

Well, it isn't quite a family business. Moreso a job occasionally held by certain people around the world that has the potential to be passed down fraternally. But I digress. Monica comes from a family of Timekeepers. Or, as Rufus prefers to call it, Time Wardens. And boy oh boy is she gonna learn a lot about how time really works before this is all over.

The Characters ☁️

Monica (She/Her) - (14 - 16) A girl who somewhat glides through life, with little to no real long term goals. She's got that New Englander sarcasm and snark, and can be rather blunt. She's curious and wants to succeed, alhough she finds it hard to apply herself to things unnecessary according to her own Judgement, creating a paradox between her own wants.

Rufus (He/Him) [referred to as "it" occasionally] - (35 - 41 [biologically]) [chronologically, he's almost a century old] A really nervous guy who doesn't get emotions but still tries his best to communicate. Just generally inept. Brainy, skilled and precise in what he does and generally quite friendly but in a pathetic sopping wet cat way. Has mood swings and talks about the good old days a lot.

Also, every hour of the average 24 hour day has a time lord that lords over it, representing that hour. While I won't mention all of the lords, I will mention that all of them are named after the Roman Numerals that correspond to that hour. So, for example, 3 PM, or 15 on an average 24 hour clock, has a time lord named XV, or Exvee (written as such). They also have personalities that fit that time of day--Exvee (They/It/He) is a very energetic but somewhat lazy lord who's quite playful! His design resembles clouds and he can transform into different shapes.

🔔 The World 🔔

The Time Wardens have access to a seperate dimension called Clankerspace. Clankerspace is a pocket between space and time wherein them outside of it functions differently depending on where you ARE inside Clankerspace at the time (some spaces make it so time goes faster or slower on purpose, areas wherein time lords reside might make time go faster or slower depending on time of day and if their hour has passed yet [it's especially trippy for Midnight]). Clankerspace looks fairly steampunk in architecture and nature, which is mainly because it sort of functions as a clock itself. It's a seperate pocket of space that shows how time flows itself and it's structure, with the lords being gods contrived by men themselves.

There's plenty more lore but that's the gist of it !

I plan on making it a game or graphic novel. :)

Ask any questions if you want. Here's some songs I associate with it as a bonus 👍🏽

[darkangelwrath]

So I wrote down every game I played in 2023

Ya it started as a stupid idea to make a joke tier list of every game but instead I just decided to write down what I did alongside some feelings on the game. Ya formatting for this is screwed but what can you do with something started on a whim that turned into a 15,325 word long document.

Anyway may everyone play some good games next year.

Played A Previous Year.

★Warframe [Off stream]

Still a Good game Archon hunts are nice keep feeling like I’ve missed some shards tho.

⋆Citrine's Last Wish

                Finally, a good defense mission. Also, nice to see the mercy timer mechanic is back and hope they keep it for the never lucky crowd.

⋆Duviri Paradox

                Ya the quest is interesting as a starting point to the game. As for its gameplay loop like it has neat rewards and leveling the intrinsics aren’t that bad. Worst that I can say is that it’s an ‘open world’ so that means a grind. Admittedly that might be me at 3829.9 hours on steam talking and not being in a mood to just grind. Also, the Incarnon weapons tend to be fun and strong. Even if farming them is a bit of a pain.

⋆ Abyss of Dagath

A neat little mission and a neat little dojo room. Alongside with companions being reworked and becoming a useful thing in most situations. Also got rid of some of the voodoo math. Always a good clarity change. Really the Big W content pass.

⋆ Update 35 Whispers in the Walls

                Once again, the Tenno save the day with the power of murder, theft, intimidation, blackmail, and love and friendship. Also, that secret its neat to have another John Prodman style content. As for the event nice and simple worst that I can say is the boss feels kind of bulky. But its an end game boss and is not as bad as Archons were at launch. New tile-set is neat, and the new syndicate carries a gut punching story. Bird 3 is best boy.

★Genshin Impact [Off stream]

So, the year they added the TCG roughly and we arrived too Fontain. I enjoy it still, but it is a gacha game so wouldn’t recommend the game despite it being pretty solid game..

⋆3.4 Released

New zone, and it was nice seeing Jet again. Also, poor jet. Neat that the prediction of the Sky nail being addressed was wrong. Also, funny to see a random NPC able to be challenged to a TCG duel in a quest even if it was optional. Otherwise, area was different then rest of the desert and the future expansion area has been noticed to the north. The question was if it was one area or two.

⋆The Exquisite Night Chimes event completed.

                Well, that story for this year’s lantern rite. was nice will look forward to the lore videos for it. As for the gameplay.

+Radiant Sparks:

 an interesting parkour version. Not sure if I like it or not.

+Paper Theater:

what a nice little side scroller.

+Vigilance at Sea:

All right I get its nice little mini game. Basically, Mario cart battle mode with the boats. At least there is a non-co-op version.

+Behind the Scenes:

 Just a combat challenge nice and easy. Addedly I had Nahida out while it was raining so :V

⋆Second Blooming completed.

                Nice to see Lisa again. Don’t really feel anything about the event meat itself but like I don’t care for spiral abyss and having to do it 3 waves feels whatever to me. I want to like the shared characters between teams but like I hate it messes up my team order.

⋆Warrior's Spirit

                Okay nice little event. Glad it is just complete the encounter and not do it in a certain time limit. Shame they made you unlock the hardest difficulty. As for the story nice little fluff to show off the new skin.

⋆Almighty Arataki Extraordinary and Exhilarating Extreme Beetle Brawl

                Another Himbo Oni event. Always a treat in how stupid things will get. After all, seeing the Himbo argue with some chunni kid is great. Has the annoying feature of having to beat the easier stage before the hardest stage. Also waited like normal till the whole event was unlocked. Then did the stages in opposite order. Over all felt like the controls/gameplay was just fine not sure what was the tell for the perfect timing.

⋆3.5 Released

                New character, new story quest, new hangout. Just fine. Archon quest was interesting as normal just has the good problem of wanting to know what comes next. admittedly I didn’t pull Dehya cause of her gameplay and she is on the standard banner. Shame since I liked her character.

⋆Windblume's Breath

                Story was sweet and good. Certainly, was a one that didn’t have me checking out. Thank God all the mini games started in one place. Still did the wait till it’s all unlocked before starting it all.

+Floral Pursuits:

                Okay this was a fun mini game. Sure, just call it just packman and such but like it was fun and simple. It really didn’t need more like the worst stage was the rotate the stair case one cause every other one was just better.

+Ballads of Breeze:

                At least this time the let you pick your poison of instrument. not like there is much of a difference. Like it’s a rhythm game it has been done before in game. OH GOD WHY IS IT SO FAST ON PRO. Also thank God you don’t need to unlock the higher levels.

+Breezy Snapshots:

This one is always nice and simple. Can’t hate it even if it feels like I’ve been here before. Probably going to be that way till we can pose NPCs for the photos.

⋆Vibro-Crystal Verification           

                Ya combat event. Like I can never find enthusiasm for these events I just throw them onto the middle difficulty and do them. Also, I did not pay attention to the dialog beyond seeing that its follow up to the previous events.

⋆ Fungus Mechanicus

                I like this event was feeling meh towards a normal Mechanicus event but this was a good mix up. I am not sure I did the final quest but oh well only would have missed out on some mora and adventure exp.

⋆ 3.6 Released

                Well new area, Nahida gets traumatized again, a new hangout and a shorter Aranara world quest with the Pari. It was good content. New weekly boss seems fine to me, at least for only doing it once so far outside the quest. Will probably hate it latter with the 3 phases but oh well. For the new area gimmicks flying with Sorush is annoying only cause of that load screen when going back to your character. New Hilichurls are fine if a bit bulky but as an alt to Mitachurls it is nice, Consecrated crocodile is fun it has the death roll like any good crocodile enemy has, and Consecrated cat can go screw itself with its aggro range and grass beams. Will look forward to the lore videos for the stuff I unga bunga past like the fact Jeht has a merc company of her own and hunting down Masseira. Ya fun update and thanks for genshin-impact-map letting me clear everything in three days after the update.

⋆ Brewing Developments

                Ya this was a nice and easy combat event. Nice to see that NPC again. The Combat gimmick this time was just there. Of course, I just use the middle difficulty cause with how strong my teams are I can get double the score needed. With out stressing and getting frustrated by inflated NPC health.

⋆Fulminating Sandstorm

                Well nice little story event. Felt kind of short to be honest but not exactly bad. Story was fine. Otherwise, was kind of just a is their event.

⋆A Parade of Providence

Hat Guy was MVP, Dori is the continued winner of Sumeru character who deserves to be suplex, but ya the story was nice and contained Kaveh is a good boy. Nothing seemed to be huge lore implications but who knows that nihilistic nonsense will come to roost in Natlan when we know more than “The rules of war are woven in the womb: the victors shall burn bright, while the losers must turn to ash. When the God of War shares this secret with the Traveler, it is because she has her reasons.” And it has hot springs. Also, I hope we get a new nickname for hat guy every event now like that is much better than if they made you pick his name from a list instead of a text box.

+Gathering of Stars:

Nice little puzzle. Is simple and doesn’t overstay its welcome. Took me till halfway done to wrap my head around it. Kind of hate the light up but it’s a mini-game if this was the main content for a game wouldn’t want it there but here its fine.

+Project Connectivity:

Nice little mini-game with a neat use of teapot mechanics. Not exactly deep, but it is fun. Also is a test of your jumping which isn’t that frequent of a thing in this game.

+Antiquity Hunt:

I don’t hate this one it’s just very barebones and I have done it before in earlier events. Nice context for it tho.

+In Truth Steps:

Ya this is neat and everything I just don’t really care for these types of puzzles. Like its fine and all but like I aint getting out of bed for it. As for the puzzles first was made sense to me, second took me a few tries, third was between the two.

+Concordat Reactions:

                I am still at the point of all combat events I sleep. Except when they have a cryo slime then I must pay a bit more attention because I can’t Ganyu everything. Shame I must put it on Hard difficulty then just chill in medium. Also so glad there is only three rounds.

+Mimetic Replications:

                I don’t know what I expected but this is so inoffensive that I don’t really care that it is a disguise rhythm game. Also, neat how all three are different, but like what the hell was the fish one. I missed 1 out of 25 after doing the “get up walk around then continue and all of a sudden get better” trick, but still what the hell was the fish one.

⋆The Recollector's Path

            Well nice to see Sorush again. As for gameplay nice to see what they can do with Sorush for the ‘combat’ portions, the races are to be expected, and the match the location is what it is. As for the story it feels like an extension of the world quest. That is fine. Good on worm boy escaping after 10,000 years a statue.

⋆ 3.7 Released

The Genius Invokation TCG update. Also, Yoimiya story quest 2, Kaveh hangout, and new Dendro character Kiara. It really is kind of funny how some people I saw got so salty about it. Like to me the TCG is so in offensive I don’t mind doing the 4 weekly challengers. Like the worst that I can say is just look up a deck and use that. A negative I could say about it is “wow they really just doubled the cards available didn’t they.”. As for the second Yoimiya story quest ya that’s a bit sad like I am a sap but the whole time I was “writers please don’t kill the child.” I will cry.

⋆Duel! The Summoners' Summit!

                The Genius Invokation TCG Event. Not sure why everyone was salty about it if we got an event with Sorush we would get an event for the TCG. Like you don’t even need to play it for the story. Which in itself might be a bit of an anti-climax but that might be just a developer overcorrection to the much earlier Unreconciled Stars being very important lore wise, so they want to avoid another situation like that. Instead, we get tragic backstory lore for the TCG. However, can we just go with the idea that if the patch launch dates are the cannon timeline for the in-game events. So, that Version 3.2(November 2, 2022) is when Nahida was let out of baby jail and cured Eleazar and Version 3.3(December 7, 2022) was when TCG was added to the game (And became popular worldwide), and 3.7(May 24, 2023) is when this event happened. So did Gulab really die from Eleazar right before it was cured. Like God damn no wonder Garvipidam is such a mood. Like damn. Also, on point for giving out the “Friendship Eternal” card at the end of the story. Not sure how that will work in the future but till then the wiki text “event-exclusive Event Card” is a fun trivia. Also is it wired how many events that are in Mondstadt have a free weapon?

+A Tour Of Wonders:

                Okay parkour section. Then a combat section. This was very short all things considered. Like it wasn’t bad it just felt like it should have stuck with parkour or combat.

+Zero Hour Invokation:

                Huh people were complaining about the TCG event when this is the only time it appears and be mandatory? Also, nice how it made you a deck for those who don’t play it or are new and don’t have a large card collection

+Evermotion Mechanical Painting: Invoker:

                Always a fun little mini game. Glad its back and with a twist. Didn’t really have difficulty because I got its rules down with its last appearance. The duck duck goose it did however was fun.

+Heart of the Dice:

                Once again going for the middle difficulty is nice and cozy with a max out team. Neat theming for one of these combat with a twist events. Otherwise, it just seems like nice and straight forward rules.

⋆Divine Ingenuity: Collector's Chapter

Okay definitely an amazing event. To think I only scratched the surface for it too. Like I did use the custom domains to finish off the elemental mastery achievements I haven’t done yet but otherwise I appreciate the depth of it, and it is a shame that it isn’t here to stay. Hope they make its’ return an anniversary thing.

⋆ Feast of the Departed Warriors

                Okay this is a simple combat event. One of the add challenge modifiers to reach the score. Worst I can say about it is the last one is 8,000 score not 6,000 like each one before. Which is why I didn’t go for that score on the final one.

⋆ Fayz Trials: Hypothesis

                Ya, I like this event a bit more than the previous one even if it felt kind of long but needs 7 so each element can have one assigned to it for rewards. Always neat to see a returning event NPC and it to come back with a nice little gimmick. It’s not hard but seeing all the team comps without concern of needing to build it without any pain in the ass gimmick is just nice to go through.

⋆ 3.8 Released

THE MEME IS DEAD EULA BANNER IS HERE. Also, the foreshadowing for Fontaine patch with that world quest. Not sure if it really was anything important that wasn’t said elsewhere. Like the fact the research institute blew up. Admittedly I watch Ashikai so I got the recap that I smooth brain forgot. Anyway, looking forward to brat archon.

⋆ Veluriyam Mirage

                Okay the NPCs weren’t all dead. I was thinking that with how good the devs are with keeping up with elemental vision mechanic. Like the whole time I was “okay why are they all hydro resonating” Like I thought Eula’s cousin was dead till I got a chance to check with elemental vision then I thought he dodged a bullet. Otherwise, nice little cozy story that probably has some deep lore foreshadowing that I missed connecting the dots for. As for gameplay always love new areas to explore. Glad the made a treasure compass for this area and glad it’s not just golden apple archipelago again. Like it might be because of the terrain of the archipelago or the fact I’ve been there twice but I like this area a bit more.

+Spino Buster:

You know it’s weird to think how long it’s been since there has been a shoot the target mini-game, or at least feel like it. Oh well as the joke I saw about it “finally they balanced Ganyu for these target minigames.” Otherwise, ya I like it. Funny enough it’s still easy but I guess that’s the perks of being a PC player.

+Sojourns of the Barking Fox:

What a nice little minigame. I am honestly surprised they used the Sorush gameplay again so soon, but it was last seen in an event in 3.6 so :V.

+Dance of the Flashing Thought:

Nice little combat event. Can’t really say much about it with how easy it was. I mean it didn’t even have difficulty levels. Like that’s fine just the open world and domain combat is harder even excluding outliers.

+Bing-Bang Finchball:

Nice little minigame. Always a nice relaxing thing to deal with a game based off the famous Olympic sport curling.

⋆ Adventurer's Trials: Advanced

Nice little even no story no fuss. All that I can complain about is it really shows how the game evolved over time like Amber’s skill vs Yaoyao’s Skill and how the control are. Like at least Alhaitham vs Keqing has functional differences in how they are used. Like its some rough edges stuff but not enough to bother me for its stay.

⋆ Perilous Expedition

… I feel like I already wrote this section, but I am writing this now on the 8/30 when this ended on 8/7. Like it was just a combat event and not that big of a deal admittedly I just skipped the hardest difficulty because it was something silly like clear 15 level 90s in under a minute. However, the event wanting you to use different characters is a fun concept. Kind of wish they used that idea in some other event where you set all the sections first and then pick which team goes first as a relay race kind of deal, or maybe an endurance battle.

⋆ 4.0 Released

Fontaine is here.

Day one impressions

So, dragons are a social construct. Got all but 5 of the telepoters. Diving seems fine other than the boss fights I've ran into. New world bosses seem fine. Also wow 2 world quest lines. the hydro rings are the good version of the old elcetro gates in wata. new reaction seems ignoble from initial impression will come down to the units that can use them. Also, mechs unsurprisingly can’t swim.

The following days

So, I did everything I could find using the Interactive map before doing the archon quest. LOL. Also thank God for the map update to have layers.

+ Area

Beautiful as always. New underwater mechanics are good. I wouldn’t say they were great since I kind of wish the attacks were tied to the type of weapon a character had. Since getting it from a random fish feels kind of hit or miss sometimes. Nice that every foe drops the same items that was a miss for something that could have been extremely annoying. Admittedly didn’t feel like it really got to show off the new puzzles but that might be down to it being the first of the Fontaine areas since we get updates in that style since 2.0. Above the sea the aquabus is a lovely little thing and I will use it to get to a new area if I can for future updates. The skyships are fine but kind of make me wonder why they didn’t use them instead of the aquabus for travel around the region other then it’s the water region, so aqueducts are needed. Not sure I care about the new Arkhe system. Like as it exists now it is kind of just there. However, I don’t care about spiral abyss where it will probably matter so I probably won’t about it either. Otherwise, the new enemies are fine they are neat but nothing outside the expectation, or I killed them to fast to notice something. Kind of doubt that since I was using a hydro traveler, Nilou, Nahida and Kokomi for half of it with the other half being toss Ganyu at it.

+ Archon quest

Act 1 – wow we really did see someone melt. Like that seems like a save it for the 3rd act or something as a “remember this? Ya its real.” Sort of surprise. Childe is as he normally is, and Fatui continued to be actual decent people to puppy kicking bad guys in their range. The court drama was fine more interesting than the normal investigating gameplay. Was certainly a Mix up compared to normal Archon quest Acts with how much of it was taken up by the trial. As for the twist end neat call back to something that happened like an hour ago. Also, funny how Judge was like “Ya he sus but he aint it” at the end. Brat Archon is great, and I hope she gets bullied in the future. Also, ya went straight into we turn people into drugs with the traveler going not my problem mixed with you aint special.

Act 2 – Navia is best girl. She went straight to suggesting do a crime. Little does she know I’ve already pilfered everything in the region not nailed down. Well, that went from 0 to 10 real fast. Also, good way to cover why we keep fighting meks. Was really liking the Navia story quest then got hit right in the face with another trial section. There is going to be one for every act isn’t it like I get it that’s what Fontaine is but like I hope for mercy and the dev’s are restrained with it in the future. Also, wow does Childe continue with the L’s can’t just be the tough guy of questionable morels who might take our side at the end of everything without taking L’s all the time. Ya dude got what he deserved. Was expecting his lover to call him trash and that be the end of it but victims got their comeuppance. Also, ya, that judgment thing works off mob rules. Like I fully expect some needs of the many demands one dude to die for everyone else kind of situation to happen. Also, hilarious to think about how Furina about the same age as Nahida. Neuvillette is totally dragon dad to her too. We really lay into Paimon this patch I am kind of getting worried she is going to die soon in the story because of it.

+ World quest Line: Narzissenkreuz Adventure

Well, that is a quest. Sure, it can be summed up as it was just a dream but by God was there some feelings of something sketch as hell happened and you just walked into the aftermath. Also, ya I pulled out Endora since I am that old of a player. Really kind of checks out with the Veluriyam Mirage story too.

+ World quest Line: Ancient Colors

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. TRIED TO TRICK ME. INSTEASD OF JUST ONE LONG WORLD QUEST YOU MADE TWO THAT BECOME ONE. Anyway, all the Melusine are good girls in need of head pats. All together this really is a lot subtler about you just walking into the aftermath of a messed-up situation. Like up until the end its “okay some idiot is trying to pilfer the dragon’s corpse for some reason” only to swerve right into the Narzissenkreuz storyline with the dead dragon being a good father by staying dead.

+Other World Quests

A sad/meta with the young girl kind of hate it with the chest thing. They really are going hard on what is art them this region along with puzzle designed?

Henri Poor guy just wanted to do honest work, but he was the salt of the earth and was only taken advantage of by the fatui. Fortunately, the men in black took him in this will in no way come up latter.

Wow we really just met a mob families don there with the White Glove and just let him murder a guy Like he was a jerk but damn. Also probably going to tie into the above two questlines purely because we find the secret meeting room in a book in the zone it unlocks so put me down for White Glove covering it up or being in a secret society looking for it.

… ya I’m going to call it now every Fontaine character is descended form Oceanid’s aren’t they as the explanation for all the weird shit going on.

⋆ Mega Meka Melee

Well, that was a short and sweet story. Also, funny that Childe story quest call back at the end. Really see the Childe ‘redemption’ arc theories being true. Let it happen I want to say “If Evil? Why Himbo?”.

+Dance Dance Resolution:

Okay a nice little combo game that really feels like a phone game. Not hard since I only missed one on the first one for the entire set but eh its’ was nice and simple.

+Torrent Turbulent Charge:

I was thinking this type of underwater gameplay was going to show up for an event and here it is. The fact that this is like triple the underwater courses that are in open world challenges is funny. Like they aren’t hard, and I am glad for it since perspective feels like a shadow over this type of gameplay.

+Efficiency Testing Simulation Arena:

The designated go to area and kill [x] number of enemies. At least it kept to being mostly the new enemies. Still not sold on the Arkhe. Mostly cause its only on three units and I didn’t go for Lyney and use traveler outside Archon quests that often. That and the hit reg for Lynette’s Arkhe reaction feels bad.

⋆ Verdict Blades

                Combat event is ago. Never care for the unlockable hardest difficulty but this event was kind of easy for the normal stages but ya hardest mode is hardest. Still not sure about Arkhe system still even if I got Freminet but I have noticed that the foes with have multiple levels that need to be hit to enter the stun state. I thought up to this point it was just inconsistent but no its just as bad cause I will kill the foe by the time the ability comes off cooldown.

⋆ Study of light and Shadow: A Fontaine of Enchantment.

                A nice little photography event.

⋆ 4.1 Released

⋆ New Archon Quest

New area, new archon quest, new character quests. Ya, I pulled for him. Checked out his ability description in the character archive tested in the trial and then pulled for Neuvillette. Single dad raising his theater daughter is better than the Knave not even a contest don’t “why evil if hot tho?” me. Hope she dies like Signoria I remember Lyudochka even if I need to look up her name which is better than 90% of unvoiced NPCs in this game. Since her stealing a ninja identity and the ninja having to put up with it is too funny. Like I’m willing to give a pass on the triplets and Childe for the ‘if you don’t follow orders you would wind up with you dead at best, you and your family at worst’ situation but the Knave is a 100% cause of that situation. Also, glad they fixed the quest conflict with a giant UI thank God.

As for the area didn’t pillage it before the archon quest this time, just grabbed every statue of the seven and waypoint I could find, but it seems like a nice area so far. I would what looks like 1 giant world quest in it but then while wondering about I triggered the spot light and got put into prison before getting sent there in the Archon quest which is how I found out about them fixing the quest conflicts. Which I am pretty sure is going to be another massive world quest if the prison food shop is any indication. As for the prison it’s a neat area that is not fire safe with all those elevator only access areas, but it seems like an area mostly for the Archon quest and that is.

Small notes about combat specifically the Arkhe system they have really like giving us the Pneuma version since every character that has been introduced so far has been it. Like the wiki has all the teased characters having Ousia but they decided to front load Pneuma. Otherwise Neuvillette feels like it works with hit registration on it and area it covers vs the abilities cooldown instead of previous characters. As for a (new?) mechanic Life bond. It exists. Like I’ve not noticed it so far and it all together feels like off brand Corrosion. Like it will kill low investment characters like my Neuvillette but it won’t matter till abyss floor 12.

Now then the archon quest. Neuvillette. You sly dog giving a cake to frame us for a crime. Like I thought it was just poisoned by the Knave or something, but no. The end of the quest revealed the knave was much worse than that. Getting the triplets here as side actors were nice with how Freminet got more than one line and something to do. Worcester sauce was a dick for reasonable reasons but that whole confrontation segment between him and Lyney had me want to bring up Lyney sad backstory. This became even more relative with his character quest. Since I immediately got the feeling, he was actively fucking with him and it getting turned around on him would of ended that real quick. Just to hurry up if Worcester and Sigewinne were going to be the masterminds behind the evil conspiracy or just being followers of Egeria still left over from her death as to why they were so independent since we still got that “Assassins from our homeland” hanging thread and we got like one or two more acts left in this arc, or that might just be relegated to the Narzissenkreuz story line. Honestly the weirdest thing about it is how cavalier most of the prisoners are compared to normal NPCs. Like the worst was Worcester, admittedly we got thrown into jail for eating a cake and everyone was “ya that checks out” and for Paimon flying when we got to Fontain so most of the prisoners being in for tax fraud, jay walking, and tomfoolery would not surprise me. As for the investigation mechanic glad the mixed it up again for this quest not sure the currency mattered, or it was just an illusion, but it was a nice little thing for context. Sigewinne I am digging being a lowkey sociopath big sister nurse. I am a bit annoyed that it’s going to probably another hydro healer because that alongside over worked office lady is the Devs two types. To be serious nice to bring all that world quest context about the Melusine into the main story. Was admittedly worried for a bit that she had a lolicon stalker but that didn’t happen still wish she was more like the regular Melusines in design. As for the ending poor Furina we probably gave her a PTSD attack with our actions when we met her with this context like I was wondering if it was just a player only flashback but nope the knave straight up admitted to it after bulling a child right in front of us because she was salty about her inability to find the Gnoses. Oh, and Neuvillette is the dragon Sovereign like everyone in the lore community expect no go play the character quest. Also, God damn it Childe you just had to F----- the wale didn’t you.

⋆ Radiant Harvest

Poor guy just tried to make a bit of cash on the side but got stuck with people being idiots releasing wild animals that don’t belong in the environment. Otherwise, it was a nice chill event to get all the objectives.

⋆ Dodoco's Bomb-Tastic Adventure

Wow two events about environmental disasters in one patch. Also, kind of funny that we got the important task of distract play with Klee, so she doesn’t blow something up. Lisa also once again dodges work.

⋆ Waterborne Poetry

Well, that was a nice event. Any new player would be confused from the references to the last lantern rite but what else is new. Was a nice gathering of older characters that haven’t been seen in a while so who cares. Other than its obvious foreshadowing to the future archon quests with oceanids tying in probably. Picture part was neat if only because it wasn’t a one and done thing. The shooting minigame was neat and continues the tradition of the devs realizing Ganyu was a mistake for this type of games. The combat section was kind of neat, but I don’t think I 100% under stood it beyond kill everything else to bomb the tough guy.

⋆ The Peaks and Troughs of Life

Nice and simple combat event for the end of the patch. Anyway, it dragged on a bit in my opinion with the three waves per round but that’s partly on me for waiting till they are all unlocked to be done. As for this gimmick nice little charge gadget to get the buffs. I admittedly didn’t use them the first 3 rounds but that was on me thinking the point limit for the buffs was going to be tied to the score. Not that I was going for the final tier of rewards because I don’t hate myself to min max to that level.

⋆ 4.2 Released

⋆ New Archon Quest

                Wait was that actually 45 days real time? So Evil mommy daddy is slightly less evil like she ain’t going to back stab us latter. Navia almost died and was saved by the dead bros. Lamo mona lore out of God damn nowhere like straight up did I walk into mona character quest chapter 2. Like I was familiar enough with the deep lore/been around long enough to know where it was going but still out of nowhere, would have thought it would be foreshadowed by steambird comments but nope heard and saw nothing of the sort. Also feel bad about trapping Furina like that to only fulfill the prophecy in a way that it was too late. With Childe being a god damn lunatic buying everyone some time. Then we got inner Furina poor girl needs a therapy vacation. Ya so that line was the secret fountain line. So Focalor is a bit of a dick for everything but lamo Chad Focalor Fucks over the heavenly principles by herself while the Virgin Tasarista faffs about for 500 years having to steal all other archons shit to try the same. Also, that boss fight straight up felt like it glitched defeated the shadow man and insta ended it. Completely funny at how Neuvillette was like “Alright I need to kill something, and the whale has voluntold” Skirt is hilarious with how she showed up chucked Childe like a bag and then explained stuff without explaining anything. That ending cutscene really understates the death toll but like divine or dragon intervention, I guess? Like it checks out with gameplay of can’t drown in Fontaines water being extended to story for non-vision people temporarily. Also, Charlotte was a nice way to checking up on everything, and God damn I thought the gnoses was destroyed Neuvillette better have tricked them with it being useless now, and he did because its cursed, all of them are cursed. Well shit good thing we seen the brother already or else the gnoses being the missing twin theories would of ran rampant at least for the most part. Well at least we got Natlan lore finally that is more than “lol hot springs”.

⋆ New Area, new character quest, and world quests

+ Mechanics and Region :

Alright Erinnyes Forest is a nice little area if feeling like a bit small expansion since we had an entire side already for it since 4.0, while the Morte Region is a nice big ocean area with a tone of ruins. As for the new mechanics. Bacterial mats are an odd thing that get cheesed by Furina water walking. The Xenochromatic Ball Octopus is more interesting that it is on land but otherwise is just an interaction tool that doesn’t use the gadget slot which is more good than bad I think. The Harmonious Reed Pipe and Dew Bubbles can go to hell if only because the Dew Bubbles are push and not pull. Floating Crystal Flowers and Floating Crystal Platforms are a new coat of paint on an old mechanic. Potential Energy Orbs are fun golf/bowling time. Dangerous Autocannons are neat as always but mechanically weird to use like didn’t the Veluriyam Mirage have a better controlling cannon or am I just misremembering that? Operable Mechanisms are a bit odd in needing the Xenochromatic Ball Octopus but fine otherwise, and the Energy Flow is a twist on flow puzzles which is just fine with me. Oh, the paintings popped up again and are still kind of suspect. Especially with the gold fish being the key to unlocking a world quest.

+ The Wild Fair of Erinnyes:

Okay I was expecting this to tie into the Narzissenkreuz story line but instead we got a Melusine who is probably a Bathysmal Vishap. Like the fact like 4 Bathysmal Vishap are just chilling in the Erinnyes Forest right under the statue of seven for the forest region. That is especially funny with the game scaling like you could see the from the walk way to Opera Epiclese. None the less Pahsiv is still a good girl. Also, finally a use for Tidalga that I’ve been picking up like a kleptomaniac. Still expect this to come up again latter maybe with Neuvillette or Kokomi in the future.

+ Narzissenkreuz part Search in the Algae Sea:

You know its funny I met the guy on the island before sinking it. Otherwise, ya the final chapter for this story quest most likely. Having done most of the little dungeons beforehand is always going to be a bit funny to do with the discussion of “oh ya the sealed evil in a can have it right hear got it yester under a random rock” happening in cutscenes. All in all, the deep lore enjoyers were definitely on the money with the who’s who in their theories so nice to see that tied up together while we cause destruction to an old landmark site. Again. They gave out a neat sword too that caused an Arkhe explosion too even can be refined too rank 5 using see shells from places. Unlike the Kagotsurube Isshin. It’s just why is this effect only on a god damn sword and not a one-piece artifact set like come on. That is my main complaint with the Arkhe system.

+ Questioning Melusine and Answering Machine:

Well, that was a hoot. Certainly, foreshadowing with that harbinger reference at the end. Also, just some guy casually makes a sentient robot and it’s just another thing on the pile of random shit the Traveler has experienced. Also Neuvillette must never know or else we will be in danger for making a Melusine sad.

+ An Expected Plan:

Well, that was a nice little follow up to the Institute quest. Can’t wait till the next part cause let’s face it that ending was setting up a part 3. Also, traveler continues to meet and work with constantly escalating sketchy people. Got to warm us up for Snezhnaya right?

+ Impromptu Poem of the Crimson Dawn:

 Ya that guy was just shady. Like call it protagonist centered morality and such but like feels dumping the Treasure hoarders into the local cops is a viable solution to the whole event. Then just rando robin hood wannabe is just here. Like Fontaine didn’t even go the way of corrupt cop/police yet why is this a thing. Its only a because we are in Fontaine issue too.

 + Free Verse:

Well, that was a thing. Kind of weird with the traveler talking but okay. Did not get suckered punched by growing up story but was wonder what I ate when everything started talking.

 + Wish-Fulfilling Treasure Hunt:

Well, that was a nice little quest. Hope there is some follow up on it latter. Otherwise wonder how many players saw him on the island before we sunk it and realized it was our fault.

+ Happy Birthday:

Well, if that isn’t a gut punch and a tone of “Hey recall this ya we are going to explain everything in context you should know even if you don’t good luck recalling everything” Like straight up wish I had a detection book mechanic to tell the who’s who. At least the lore videos are going to be fun about it.

 + Furina Character Quest:

Well, aint that a nice little quest. Wish the traveler wasn’t kind of a dick dragging Furina into the plot like come on let the girl relax after dealing with everything for 500 years. Also, that last minute take the stage was so contrived/trope. Couldn’t have let Furina be content as a director/consultant? nope straight back to the acting spot light. Like splitting the difference and making it so Dulphy illness took her voice, so Furina had to sing the part for her while Dulphy acted the role would have been better in my eyes. Would have been neat too with the vision showing up paralleling the fake one.

⋆ Misty Dungeon: Realm of Water

Combat Event lets go. Okay this is at least kind of neat with it using a limited character pool. Otherwise, simple event at least when doing the three weakening rounds so I don’t know or care how tough they are without. That and I am pretty sure that you can’t complete the secondary objective without the side fights.

⋆ Thelxie's Fantastic Adventures

                What the hell is wrong with this region and sad stories like the previous regions did similar things, but God damn does this one keeps on with these gut punch stories. Like I did feel like the kids dead at the start, but yep straight up kid was actually dead. Not sure I like how the House of hearth doctors got mentioned considering pass lore like was kind of worried for a moment that Freminet was going to gaslight the women considering the what the House of hearth gets up to. As for the ending. Ya elemental energies are memoires aint got to explain shit.

+ Motherboard Trouble shooting.

                I wonder about the name “Motherboard” being in universes, but like I just got to recall robots were a launch enemy. Alongside all the ones roaming the country side of Fontaine. As for the gameplay the nice take on the good old pipe minigame. I like it didn’t have any big problems with it only trouble was the last couple if only cause having to think in spaces and not time when it came to having two penguins on one track with the switches.

+ Record of the search for glory

                NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, THEY MADE ME KILL THE ROUND FRIEND FOR THE CROWN! Otherwise, ya simple underwater find the thing. That is glowing and sees though walls. Like at least swimming combat aint bad. Might just be me understanding all the mechanics they used in it from open world traversal.

+ Purgation Counterstrike

                Okay that was a neat little combat gimmick basically a second burst that is shared between all characters if I understood it right. The trial characters are always neat other than the one time I grabbed the trial instead of my own. Admittedly I mostly used it as a “use this comp” indicator for the encounter.

⋆ Lil' Fungi's Fun-Tastic Fiesta

FUNGI FRIENDS ARE BACK. Also, always neat when a returning NPCs comes back in a different costume. As for gameplay it was simple and not sure if they could do more with it. My main problem is that it’s such a shake up from normal gameplay that it tosses my muscle memory for the game out the window and it’s not like it sticks around long enough to be built up. Otherwise, a good event.

⋆ 4.3 Released

⋆Navia Story quest

                Alexa play “angel with a shotgun”. Navia continues to be unable to catch a break. Like easily probably the worst year she has had in her life. Other wise a straight forward story quest with no deep lore reveals just some terrorism. However, Navia’s gameplay is much more interesting if this is where they are going with the Geo element.

⋆Roses and Muskets

                That was nice for old players to see Xavier back. Also, really did the 3 layers of meta in this quest the movie based on the book based off real life. Like really? Adamantly, I feel like the older Inazuma character were just there with how little they got to do. Like I get it was showing of Furina enjoying her retirement and preview for Chevreuse and Chiori but oh well limited time limited scope is the way it goes. As for the story fairly enjoyable with the highlight being THAT GOD DAMN BULLET BLOCK CHEVREUSE MLG NO SCOPE PRO.

+Thousand-Pace Interdiction Arcminute Sharpshooting Zone

                Well, that’s a way to do a shooting minigame. Feels a bit off in mouse sensitivity for what is normally done but what can you do.

+Trick Shots, Tricky Lights

                Well, that is an easy combat section. Kind of forget the special gimmick but it does have the same pseudo burst as the previous event and it’s still a good system.

+Xtreme Drive

                A co-op event been a long time since that happened. Also, nice that they knew to disable the alternative movement actions after they learned that lesion in the hide and seek event. Wish the points were paid out per game played and not a score system because I had to play another round despite only needing 25 points for the final reward.

+Into the Frame

                Okay neat little minigame. Not hard and you will puzzle out the solution from just messing it up. Definitely dependent on reading the prompt and figuring out which picture is the correct one.

★Fate/Grand Order [Off stream]

I am at the point this is a solved game so am sticking around for the story. Which going to be honest I hop over to atlas academy to read the story there just cause of the format feels better then how it is in game. It is a gacha game so wouldn’t recommend.

⋆Lostbelt 5-5: Heian-kyo completed.

                Solid story chapter read it on atlasacademy.io. cause format. Otherwise definitely a way to wrap up limbos story arc if he wasn’t going to be tied into the main story. Kintoki is still a good boy. Not sure why the mech was needed to show up but Babbage is probably there to foreshadow it. Also surprised Nursery Rhyme didn’t get a costume since we got 2 from it anyway. Main Story is still good.

⋆Revival: Saber Wars 2 Event completed.

Skipped the story because I played it the first time. Was neat that the quest selection would show what counted for the event missions that is a very nice quality of life.

⋆Farewell to Kamakura - Little Big Tengu Event completed.

                Ya, this was a nice relaxing story was nice. Hate the extra spawns Craft Essence wish they could make more than 3 enemies on the field oh wait that’s added next Lost Belt. OH well.

⋆Holy Grail Front Caesar: Et tu Brute?

                I like these grail front events. The main problem I feel that they have is balance. Like they really need to change the limit for deployment. It really feels like the only CE that is worth using is Herc’s Bond CE. Like hell even if they only permitted Bond CEs at 0 cost that would be kind of interesting.

⋆Valentine's 2023

                Well, that was an event. Neat how back up units came in mid attack change. Caren was the living sus that she is. Also, kind of nice how exhausted the pro-tag is with everything. Admittedly that is coming from a day one player.

⋆Chaldea Boys Collection 2023 Event - Holy Grail Phantom Thief Amakusa Shirou and the Slapstick Museum

                Ya, I skipped all the text and read it on atlasacademy.io after the event ended... No shame just no interest in reading the visual novel format to much text to little displayed. Otherwise, same old same event set up. Story was fun when I got around to reading it defiantly an odd ensemble but one that worked out. Not sure the better sweet ending with the museum curator was needed but eh its fine especially with Moriarty being salty. To be honest the real W was the costume we got along the way.

⋆Akihabara Explosion

                Ya a nice little tower event. Also skipped all the text and read it on atlasacademy.io. Did my normal strategy of use my lowest rarity first and only use 3 servants per node it really is the only time I use most of the roster that can’t be used to 3 turn with caster atoria or skati. That or the big single target damage. Also, good luck getting rid of your AP with it lol. Only difficulty was me remembering to swap to the damage CEs. Story was fun but like every oversimplification of the story idiot genius makes a problem for everyone quote for that “Or do you also doubt it's possible for humans to give birth when someone tells you about their mother?”. Also, summonable Aphrodite when?

⋆Bedazzled! Grail Concert! Crane Returns an Idol's Favor

                Once again, I skipped the quest text to read it latter on atlasacademy.io. As for the farm kind of neat to have the point ladder make the event CE scale off of, still not sure that it needed three-point ladders. 90+ quests continue to be interesting in how I solve them by just NP with three different servants. Otherwise, costume tickets are neat was in a position to use all but two of them, and the fact that most of the Idols got a skill upgrade alongside the event. Would have been nice to realize that during the event to help with farming but oh well. LAMO NEVER WENT BACK AND READ THE STORY.

⋆Holy Grail Front: My Super Camelot 2023

                More Grail Front. Its fine like I don’t hate it like others seem to I just feel like the balance is off, and it really would be fine if it only had 3 or so missions instead of the 7 we got. Just feels a bit annoying. That and they should just make it all units get two actions per turn and be done with this variable move point nonsense. Still the only time I’ve failed a front I think and all I can say is wonder why it took so long with how the dev’s have to stack the deck so hard. That and the end was just piling on that agitation.

⋆Revival: FGO Summer 2022 Summer Camp

Event rerun okay. Was fun reading it the first time but otherwise, ya. It’s just your run of the mill mission-based event with three currencies. Story was fine I hate the villains is the worst I can recall of it. Probably the least interesting of the summer events in terms of story if it wasn’t for pasine.

⋆Lostbelt 6: Avalon le Fae

⋆Part 1

                Oh, ya some main story always good. Yes, I did read it on atlasacademy.io it was faster and more comfortable for me. Still had it running on auto text using Samsung Flow to get better scenes, music, and animations. So as the story goes, ya Fae are dicks, and this is the only lostbelt that I don’t feel bad about offing. Like its unfortunate but this is just a functional trash heap of a location-timeline. As for spoilers I am mostly blind other than one off no context comments that I half recall. Glad Mash got some independent character development and Chad Nasu was willing to skirt NTR with how hard wifu ‘culture’ get. F for the gob bros dying like absolute lads. Nasu really wanted to make fun of all those Doujin stories when he wrote this arc didn’t, he. Also, kind of rude to separate us from Mash right at the end there. As for Fujimaru half or Castoria half to be more accurate. Oberon is in the Mephistopheles camp of sus even if helping with no ulterior motives. All around that half showed the shit heap that is the lost belt by being true and faithful to traditional Fae myth. Also did they really doge the implications of it being rape camps with that artificial insemination line in the Dracae section like I thought that it was going to be just implied and not addressed with Humans being like cattle, but they decided to not leave that hanging. Also, Beryl is a hate sink that deserve all the bad things that will happen to him. Nice to have a simple villain for once. All together things are progressing in ways we still don’t know exactly what the deal beyond the first answer, but it is part 1 so leave that for the complete section.

 As for gameplay didn’t notice anything but like I got the quick and arts loops on speed dial I am leveling up all my servants’ skills to 6 for the hell of it since I got them to max level outside grails. As for my pulls got Morgana without using up my bangk alongside a np2 Baobhan Sith. Morgana is fine (read that she is best in immortal comps) while Baobhan Sith came in clutch in the only time I was going to fail a quest during the story and her kit is simply “their will be a use for you at some point.” Shame I ran out of nails to max her skills. Final boss for part 1 was just fine, it was a stall fest for me using the support rider DaVinci and mash with a castorio for back up. The most annoying thing was having to use a support mash when my own is bulked up to hell and back with being the only servant I have given the golden Fous, paw prints, and card appends. Like if she had appended skills, I would have made them 10/10/10 as soon as the animations finished cause I am eggplant club for life give her head pats and max her stats.

⋆Part 2

So that was an eventful end. Count Pepe continues to be best bad guy, Beryl is trash person, babbitt sit is oddly a good girl despite being evil, and Morgan really should have let this lostbelt/lostworld burn cause Fey are trash. Barghest is a good girl who will have bad things happen to her, and Mélusine is getting conned by everyone she knows. As for the story the pilgrimage seemed to be oddly fast and slow for how many bells we have rung in this part and how quickly it happened with their still being a third part but that’s where everything will come to roost. Cnoc na Riabh and Cu was interesting if a bit heavy on the reference to other same faces. Oberon continues to be suspect, while Muramasa continues to be helpful if annoying in how he is an alter-ego in gameplay and not a saber where every time it would be more useful especially since I am sitting on a maxed-out copy of him. The history of the lostbelt tab is interesting but that feels like more thoughts than I will dedicate to it, but it is nice for those who like it. The twist with Morgan being Altria predecessor feels like it could have been foreshadowed a bit more but the as the answer to the puzzle that was been shown does make sense it’s just feels like you figure it out the sentence before they tell you. Morgan also does put out the power at the end and only lost cause fairies are terrible. Gareth being a mirror clan lined up with the visions of the future power she showed with no explanation before that. All in all, despite everything I am waiting for this lostbelt burn in part 3. Sorry Fujimaru you are too much of a good person, so trauma conga-line(a traumga-line) is your fate. Still, it’s really nice how they give the protagonist some more dialogue instead of letting it fall to the wayside. Also, nice they didn’t try and separate mash and Fujimaru again. It’s also kind of funny how by now the default idea should be “beat the shit out of [x]” first resort to a lot of problem in this game because that’s what everything turns into. I really wonder if most of my passive enjoyment of this is because everything was known due to the prophecy it was only a question of how it will pan out.

As for gameplay the actual intended to be beaten final fight. ya, that was hard actually used some Layline stones for it. Woodwose was also that hard too. At least because I couldn’t just double castor Altria it, which is what I did to every other combat encounter. Like that unwinnable fight at the end was winnable with that team comp and I would have if I could. The only interesting thing I could say was the one where you only needed to kill 3 enemies and they piled on the curse and poison on their killer and I just one turned the entire wave. Overall, I am not sure how much I like these support servant frequency on one hand its certainly the consequences of putting all the cannon story servants into the support menu and only being able to take one but I really wish they went the extra mile to put them in your own summons so you can pick them if you want to take them or use your own. Like right now it feels like an annoying half way point between a forced comp and using your own servants. That mostly is just coming from having to fill in the team for so many encounters that just gets solved by making the same 3-turn loop setup with Altria + tammo + AOE arts NP servant, but like Day one NA problems, I guess.

⋆Part 3

What an end. Like didn’t even have much time to think about before everything went to hell. Like that wasn’t a surprise with ominous glowing eyes Cernunnos at the end of part 2 but like take the L so hard we must pull a time Houdini to not lose and have Koyanskaya bail us out too. Like damn. The only time we’ve lost as hard must be for both the incarnation of mankind in arc 1 and bleached earth in arc 2. Otherwise, Fey are terrible and deserved everything that happened to them. Like Barghest being the best of them despite being an unwilling cannibal really shows how low the bar is. Mélusine would count but lol dragon and mercy kill her abusive mom, Mike can be argued to be MVP for the duty of not fucking up, and random fairy girl(Hope?) came in clutch by being the selfish bitch she died as. Habetrot is a good girl and friend of brides and does not count. Despite not getting any ascension art not even to take off her hat. This was the end of Castoria story and what an end. From seeing from her point of view of past story events, Muramasa sacrifice, Percival’s end and Cernunnos defeat. All great. The fact Oberon betrayal is so simple is kind of underwhelming but at the same time fitting. Like even if this is like the fifth time a villain’s entire plot can be summarized as “Bothered by this massive complex issue? Use this one quick trick to fix it! Genocide.” Like if it wasn’t for this entire Lostbelt story being about vapid idiots messing everything up that being tacked onto the end it probably wouldn’t fit. Plus, it kind of feels like Oberon is also kind of aware of how dumb it is with all the talk of stories and actors. Adamantly this might be purely the always lies make all his dialog retroactively and proactively be pure subtext with no just plain text reading consequently. Like the only honest thing he said was calling Fujimaru a lunatic for trying to deck him. Also, Sion at the end just listing future events is funny. Oh ya, they brought Beryl back for a scene so we could see his back story. At least Pepe was a bro from the grave. Still Oberon’s defeat flashback/dream sequence was better if only cause of how salty he was about the whole thing. Also it is kind of funny how Oberon just disappears at a point and no one comments on it.

As for gameplay the boss fights went from reasonable (Mélusine), hard but reasonable ( Cernunnos), and what the fresh hell ( Barghest). Like everyone was saying Cernunnos is the hardest fight but like I only need 1 Laystone for it unlike the 3 for Barghest fight. Like they both do it in different ways but they both do the screw with the player in an unfair way. Like God damn were the devs liberal with buff removals for these bosses. This is very much an “oh shit we power crept to hard” response but like this feels so much an issue of not being able to buff and nerf servants cause gacha game. Oh well at least I got Koyanskaya L and Oberon so buster loops are now my future. Not that I used them much in part 3 because I’ve become poor in mats again. At least I can deal with the dickish 1-3-1 waves that exists to stop NP arts looping just like every new quick servant gets NP hit taxed for the same reason. In my opinion this state is purely because they decided every skill goes off a turn set up for buff durations with the rare skill going off uses and not a single skill going of waves as its duration. Like if they did that it would really mix it up the servant roster where some are good for 1 wave 99 reserves and others the current set up. That however is probably another consequence of the gacha system.

⋆Revival: The Return of Nero Fest - Summer 2023

I farmed so many boxes. As always fuck challenge quests. Only did the ones that paid out a lore. Like I’ve said it before but while one challenge quest in an event is fine this is just nonsense of who in the office can come up with some ridiculous restrictions on the gameplay.

⋆Chaldea Summer Adventure! A Boy Pursuing Dreams and a Girl Who Dreams

Columbus is a little shit that is all. All in all, what a nice little event. Didn’t really matter in the end but definitely some meta foreshadow in how the narrative will go in the future. At least more so for new players since that’s how these events go in only needing to beat the prologue to take part in them. I am a sap, so I teared up at the end. Also, this treasure chest mechanic for events is a neat shake up but not sure if it’s better than lotto events.

⋆Csejte Halloween Trilogy: Ultra Deluxe Highlights!

Ya no. I was there Gandalf I ant reading this again don’t care if they reframed it skipped every god damn quest gladly.

⋆Halloween 2023 - Halloween Rising! The Queen of Dust and the Disciple of Darkness

So once again Liz returned. So anyway, the gameplay changes of having 6 enemies out at one time continues to be amazing. Otherwise, nice they took the chance to give out the servant coins for the old welfare servants in this event. I still haven’t gotten around to reading through all the text but Liz getting shade is apricated.

⋆Revival: GUDAGUDA 2022 - Super Ancient Shinsengumi History GUDAGUDA Yamataikoku 2022 - Lite

So those raids died fast. Anyway, was here for the first one. So, it was a simple event for me. Kind of love and hate the daily reward mission they had if. Probably because my tolerance for that kind of stuff has been getting lower as I get older.

⋆GUDAGUDA 2023 - Showa Kishin Project: Ryouma's Narrow Escape! The Mystery of the Disappearing Nobbu Head

I am just guda guda out. I just don’t care about the guda guda story lines. It’s just apathy for me. As for gameplay it’s your run of the mill mission even except they have ~special missions~ its fine. Really glad they added that do this node to complete this mission feature wasn’t added a while back but still good to not need to look up a walkthrough.

⋆Anti-Primate Biosphere, Tunguska Sanctuary

                NA #1! NA #1! NA #1! NA #1! Ya lamo that bug is the perfect capstone for a raid event and their arbitrary nonsense. Straight up hate raids in a low simmer kind of deal with how they are time gated by the dev’s and get blender-ed by players. Like the raids come out 12 at night for my time zone they are dead before I wake up even if I had a good sleep schedule. Then the final raid popped up and I deal too much damage and too little cause it’s that god damn backup dancers set up for drops. Like raids are the most interesting concept for content but turn out so bad to me. Also, that last story battle can go to hell even if it is appropriate level of in universe power. It just fights against the gameplay mechanics to be good.

As for story I would say fun as a concept even if it leans too much into nature good human’s bad misanthrope angle. As for the “please fuck” being the answer to the event it feels fine. As for wasted presence I get where people are coming from and sort of agree with Ibuki just being scenery dressing and Nikitich just feeling like there need to be more foreshadowing  for that ending bit, but the whole storyline seems to have the theme of anti-climaxes as its core tenet. I would say it was worse, but Koyanskaya has always been in the affable evil category in terms of antagonist. Like she is basically Pepe who decided to stay an antagonist the entire time instead of just vibing.

★Girls Frontline [Off stream]

I still skip all the text in the game. Might look up a story archive eventually but whatever. Still sticking with it cause it’s interesting to see what the Developers come up with. Still a gacha game so wouldn’t recommend even if tis a solid game.

⋆Fixed Point Event

                SKIPED THE STORY. But from audience apathy I am seeing is not a bad thing. HATE how they added another difficulty level would have liked it if I didn’t already farm every doll by the time I finished, but oh well. Maps continue to be a level of nonsense that I appreciate but still hate if only because it is on a phone game and even if the game is optimized well enough it still needs more. The minigame is neat certainly feels like they were experimenting with Neuralcloud and Girls Frontline 2 in development not sure how well that lines up with the development timeline thou. As for ranking god do I love the nonsense they come up for ranking maps. Still wish they functioned more like the Theater system so time is the only investment you need other than raising your dolls. Also, not sure the ranking system need the sum total of 3 maps with branching choices for what map is available.

⋆Love Bakery

Well, this is a nice and quick event. Neat to see coalition leaders in the shenanigans. Even if I still skip all the text. Also, weird that there wasn’t an achievement to give Persicaria her special coffee. Otherwise, nice and simple to get too the farm map no complaints here. Other than when do I get to capture chocolate doggos.

⋆The Glistening Bloom

Ya, I just want to foreword that I am still skipping the story even if this is a collab. I also haven’t gotten around to watching Zombie Land Saga it’s on the to watch list alongside the other 339 because I am a “Ya I watch anima. That’s putting it on your plan to watch list and never get around to it right?”. So, in terms of gameplay, I hate the event while I am glad it’s not the damn revolver selection this point thing and too many minigames for me to like it. The ending conditionals seem kind of verbose as a consequence of it. As for the dolls neat gimmick but probably a meme team. As for that little bit of the story I saw mentioned sad it’s just a dream and not Koutarou Tatsumi just clowning on William for his motivation being a massive siscon who wants to resurrect his dead sister. Like what I got from the story by osmosis is the community feels a bit of darkness induced apathy by not being able to get a win against William since we know he survives to be in Reverse Collapse: Code Name Bakery and this event could have been a way to have given us a W by having William out “But I Don't Want To Cure Cancer. I Want To Turn People Into Dinosaurs.” By Koutarou Tatsumi.

⋆Eclipses & Saros

                Well, this was an event. Nice and short and I skipped the story. It was neat in the Hard mode gave you custom echelons while the normal mode gave you a set one. Like it kind of feels inverse of what was the harder difficulty. Yes I am still skipping the story.

⋆ The Waves Wrangler

                Rerun time. Whatever it’s a nice event and we get closer to Girls Frontline 2 coming out with NA getting caught up with the main server. I am basically in raise for the sake of raising like I have all but 2 dolls and have like half the roster at level 100 and the other at level 90 and most Neural Upgrade at 2 or higher so like I am set. Which is why I did not even mention the theater that happened before this like I missed day 2 and still wound up at top 12% for that.

⋆ Longitudinal Strain

                This event has a better UI then the that damn rotary menu. As for story I still skipped it. Like sure this was a side story but by God was there a lot of story nodes. As for enemies seemed kind of neat as for strategy a certain point has come where “random bullshit go” can sum up what I need to do. Mostly because I really feel like the game is straining with its limitations for being on a phone. Like if this was built for the PC with the ability to save scum try and roll back events instead of having to restart the entire stage it would improve the game. That and just probably a better UI I would hope.

⋆ Lycan Sanctuary

                Okay neat little summer event. Like the gimmick stage of playing pachinko even if the others were forgettable. I skipped the story but them doing some social deduction game voting is neat. Didn’t pay attention to the translator controversy I saw about how they were weighting a win that they already translated.

⋆Gray Zone

                At first, I thought I wasn’t making a tone of progress with how many points it wanted. Then I saw how long it last for. Otherwise, it’s simply a neat mode. Even if it feels like it’s kind of long and tedious. Also, finally a good nonevent node for farming armored foes.

⋆Slow Shock

                Okay this level of puzzle maps can go to hell. As before I skip the story but just the number of puzzles is just annoying. Like please let me use my own dolls I have every doll that existed before this chapter event I want to use them. Otherwise seemed a reasonable balance in terms of challenge. Also, neat how the NA server is caught up with the Main CA server. As for the new gimmicks the BPM meter feels like it’s just there, the trees are reasonable in there annoyance, and most importantly we have crab enemies.

★Monster Hunter: Rise Sunbreak [On stream]

⋆Title Update 3

Chaotic Gore, Risen Kushala Dora, and Risen Teostra. What a neat little combination of monsters. Still not sure what is up with Teostra.

⋆Title Update 4

velkhana and Risen valstrax are nice. Like the worst part I could say is Anomaly farming is kind of annoying to me just from the shear bulk of it.

★League of Legends [Off stream]

The mistake after I decided to reinstall it after watching a bunch of Exil videos. Warmed up with a few vs AI matches before trying ARAM. Got called racist despite not saying a damn thing in a match I lost. Then called my revisit there.

 … still I miss Twisted Treeline ☹

★Destiny 2 [Off stream]

Ya played the free stuff for Light fall and the seasons. Gameplay is still good just I don’t care to get into it or toss money towards it.

Okay I picked back up during the crafting despite not being able to take advantage of it and did a Garden of Salvation and Crota’s End raid. Still haven’t done Vault of Glass or Kings Fall but like its 100% you need friends to do it since while LFG is there, I just hate it. Especially since at the moment my internet is on the fritz where its fine and wont hitch for videos but games it will, and I will get kicked form the activity sometimes I will reconnect but will be dead. Along side it wasn’t in the game at the time, and still haven’t gone back and tried it yet.

Overall, like to hate to be that guy, Destiny 2 is a good game but not enough worth my money or time investment with how much of both it wants you to spend on it.

And then they killed all the interest I had in it with that round of layoffs. Still grabbed the collection when Epic game store gave it out for free.

★Factorio [Off stream]

                So, ya got that itch to play it again. Still have never beaten a vanilla game and I still don’t have the drive too. This year tried the mods Space Exploration, Nullius, and SeaBlock. Also, been watching DoshDoshington and appreciating the madness of those videos. Even his non Factorio videos.

                Also, it’s hilarious how the expansion everyone was worried what horror the devs were going to let upon the land and it turns out they grabbed the Space Exploration dev to help them make their version of it. From the teases they have shown so far the only thing I’m not sure about is the ‘quality system’. Otherwise, Space Exploration for the common man and not its 300 hour madness induce enlightenment sounds pretty good.

★Girls Frontline Project Neuralcloud [Off stream]

Not sure if I like this more than the first Girls Frontline but it’s still interesting. Still, it is a gacha game so wouldn’t recommend even if it’s a solid game. Also, yes, I am skipping all the dialogue after chapter 1 part.2 when I found out it was optional for progress.

⋆Thundering Livestream Event

                Actually, I read this story was short and sweet. Nothing outstanding but the first event is what it is. Also pulled Kuro.

⋆Divine Heresy story Event

Boy was this the first annoying road block but that’s story events. At least it had an easy mode to do. Managed to reach the point during it to do the hard mode to completion. Not that it really did anything haven’t upgraded a doll to 70 yet.

⋆Magrasea’s Lang Syne Event

Ya skipped the story. Otherwise only the challenges for the final mission were the stumbling block. Otherwise, same as Thundering Livestream Event except without reading the story.

⋆Exception Protocol

I think I hate it. Like I kind of hate how its either min max the rarity for the only benefit or get every doll to 50 and skill level 5. Like I want to out level the content especially since its bi-weekly.

Got fixed up and it lets you use your own dolls now, and made the points a daily thing.

⋆Quenching Operation

TLDR LAMO. So, ya skipped all the text kind of hat the cant auto my way through the story, oh well the hard farming quest is interesting. It’s just the skill data one but still neat.

⋆Heartfelt House of Coca

Oh, I love this. This is an interesting event. Feel a bit egg on my face for getting all that minigame point faring done on the first day with how often the daily was get points in the minigame. Not sure how much I care about the use dolls only from one company. Like at least the event missions are free. Still kind of hate challenge modes.

⋆Inverted Mordent Resonance

Well, this is a neat event. Not sure if I care for it but it is neat, but the event has its own personal upgrade tree is a neat idea. Having come from Girls Frontline I was wondering how much they could do with their mission set up but things like this are neat. Admittedly I still expect at some point they move back into a grid style map even if it’s for a single event. Once again skipped the story.

⋆Fool’s Duality

                Okay neat event wish what was in the shop was actually the big head mode as a free skin but whatever. Also, hard difficulty can go to hell whenever it was a tank character otherwise what an oscillating difficulty.

⋆Chromatic Spiral

                Ya if I wasn’t skipping the story, I would care more about these types of events but oh well. It’s a simple low intensity farm time event.

⋆ Eager Fist, Dawning Fray

They Really like this type of event don’t they. Like it is Just works and is fine and it’s great to give every new character an event. It’s just Like I kind of wish there was some more variance. Might just be an appearance thing compared to F/GO having a new map every event even if they default to the same 3 currencies for most events compared to this one story page + farm mission for a single currency.

⋆ Aberrance’s Chain

Well, this was a nice chunky update. Always love a temp ‘tech tree’ for an event alongside its currency being farmed outside node specific missions. As for the missions was able to do all the challenge nodes too since I am finally at that point for how strong my teams are.

⋆ Divergent Shadows

Love it. Not only have I finally reached the strength pinnacle to not worry about difficulty too much, but that Matrix Challenge was fun. The point ladder is simple and straight forward. Yes, I am still skipping the story.

⋆ Snowy Encounters Opening Promotion, Free To Play!

Love it. Nice Simple Minigame compilation from all the previous events not too hard to do.

⋆ Gastronomic Journey

Another classic character story event where I skipped the story. Ain much to say. Especially since the story is hidden in the character’s profile/Bio.

⋆ Wishing Starbridge Workshop

Nice to see the coca event set up back. It is simple but it is a nice diversion from the normal event rigmarole.

⋆ Midnight Machinations

Another classic character story event. Except this time, I pulled the character and got to say I feel like I will actually use her. Will also take this point to note a bunch of inscriptions have come in and getting fragments really feels like the true progression bottleneck in this game.

⋆ Critical Cascade

Oh, an event all about these sorts of stages awesome. Is how I started off with it but it kind of dragged on with a completely new set of functions and the daily missions requiring additional completions and I did all the stages day 1. Otherwise, it was a good event with a nice new unit.

⋆Ruintop Song

Oh, another one of these character events. Tempted to start skip mentioning them cause it’s all the same cause I skip the story.

⋆ Inverted Mordent Resonance RERUN

Second verse same as the first. Also, they really decided to do a rerun. Weird.

⋆ Joyful Reunion

Story event has the neat little Matrix nodes and has a point ladder for its rewards.

⋆ Twilight Requiem

Story event has the neat little Matrix nodes and has a point ladder for its rewards. I like this formula more than the grind currency events, but like I am still skipping the text so like I am just vibing with the gameplay.

⋆ Strange Blue

A big Matrix node event. I kind of hate it even if it’s very simple stages being done one after the other. Maybe because I like this game for the auto in auto-battler and Matrix stages are the opposite of auto making me dislike it. Alongside all the large impact changes of function sets being entirely a different set when I don’t even understand the min max choice for the normal sets. Mostly because I haven’t bother to read them in the tier-list/min-max guides I’ve read.

⋆Divining The Heart

                Once again, it’s the new format for a character event. As for the doll introduced looking at the guides, I feel no need to pull her it’s probably simpler to use then I am thinking but by god that just looks overcomplicated.

⋆Perilous Advancement

                Well, if that isn’t interesting intro to the next story chapter. I would probably care more if I was reading it, but auto battler go burr. Over all this has an issue I’ve been feeling that there really is a thin line between can trivialize the content or get hit by a wall. Like I do love them experimenting with different deploy layouts but what the hell are the red enemy variants smoking. Like just activating the challenge mode instantly makes my teams be blown up and without I am the one that instantly blows up the enemies. As a side the defend the core is neat in both the objective and the arena being larger. Matrix stages are nice simple one room floors even if they keep doing the rule of three, but sticking to the chess mechanics is neat.

⋆Symphonic Reprise

                Again, character event. The character is neat in being unable to attack. I did not succeed in pulling her tho. Also just realized that Turning summonses dinergates I want to pull her now.

⋆Starchasers’ Concerto

                Eh it’s a nice little event. Like Matrix mode is kind of draining on me with the inability to just let auto battle go burr, and the functions feel kind of boring in most cases. Like a few of the new functions seem kind of neat its just the function economy is probably the iffiest part of the game and Matrix mode just kind of pushes it to the limit. Also, kind of wired how this is the summon and doge event.

Played For The First Time This Year.

★Duylst II [Off stream]

                I feel a bit of shame with how little I played especially since I went and played legacy mode for most of it. Haven’t kept up with it after the first week of release.

★Yoku’s Island Adventure [On stream]

Pinball Metroidvania is nice but makes me think my hatred of Pinball is equal to my love of it. Neat hearing from the speed runner “JKxWinG“ during my playthrough. Is the kind of game I would only play once to completion and any other time as an any% run.

★SteamWorld Build Demo [Off stream]

                Okay don’t play a lot of these types of game but old west robots are a fun contrast. Don’t think it’s too hard but just the demo vs then end of the game. Plus, it’s not trying to be something like frost punk. Still orb is suspect.

★WanderSong [On stream]

                Ya game is good. Honestly, I hate rhythm games and feel like I would have gotten a little bit more out of it if I was musically inclined but otherwise was a good game. It’s mostly a story-based game so like what could I say beyond I liked it. Like the only annoying thing about it was the fact I had to farm some achievements for it but that’s a me problem of being an achievement whore whenever they don’t go past my tolerance for them.

★Satisfactory [Off stream]

                I like Factorio more. Satisfactory is still in development, but I just hate the map traversal. like as much as it would get compared to “Minecraft”, “Infinifactory”, or “FortressCraft Evolved!” I really wish it was in a block world. Purely for terrain deformation. Like as it is now Factorio has more ability to modify the terrain with cliff explosives and land fill, or water fill with mods. That and while this might be just where I spawned and settled why is everything so god damn tall like everything could be halved in height and it would still would have felt tall to me, also am I supposed to make big giant sprawling factory or like just an make one offs of everything. Like the belts have no through put compared to Factorio just thinking about it the difference is per second vs per minute in the tool tip. Like it feels so needlessly large. I might just be dumb to be honest.

★Brothers - A Tale of Two Sons [On stream]

                Ya this is a nice short game. I was adamantly spoiled by the ending but not on the details. That or I forgot the details. Ya that control scheme is certainly a stroke of genius in story telling but like, I so kind of hate it. Like it such a reasonable idea for a control two characters each to a control stick but it’s so mind binding task because of how odd it is. Compared to only keeping track of one character like most games. However, that ending definitely was so effective because of the controls. That doesn’t mean I would want a longer game with this type of controls. It just was short enough to ‘earn’ its ending but not long enough to over stay its welcome. Even if maybe one more chapter would have been better so it wouldn’t feel so short. As for longer games Mario & Luigi has the better controls for a two character with dedicated button per character controls. Brothers - A Tale of Two Sons also now getting a remake so that’s neat.

★Pikuniku [On stream]

                A nice little game. Haven’t touched the co-op but ya I just went with the flow but is nice and short game. Going after all the achievements however seems to be a bit more difficult. I adamantly kind of hate not having functional hands but that is probably why the game was short as it was to not over stay it welcome.

★Aven Colony [Off stream]

                Ya this is a colony management game. They are neat and everything but not sure if I can bring too much enthusiasm for them, but they are still enjoyable. Mostly cause I unga bunga in games no thoughts only forward. Yes, I am aware how much that will backfire on me. Ya no, on second play this game is dumb have 12 greenhouses producing food and then all of a sudden, I have no food, and everyone starts drooping dead. like screw me, I guess. I don’t get it.

★Rise of Industry [Off stream]

                Okay Transport Tycoon style game. At least that’s my touch stone for it. Its fine I just don’t really care about these types of games I suppose. Not sure about the research but that’s probably cause it forefather before it are a multiplayer game so having a way to mix things up is probably why it’s there. Which for the type of game it is feels a bit weird for me, but I suppose the single player versions of this type of game would require more random events to be fun for me.

★Terraforming Mars [Off stream]

                It’s one of those Deck building games. They are fun. With friends. I still skipped the tutorial and got 11 victory points my first game. That was dead last despite being 4 more than the next amount I don’t know what type of logic that has victory points not be the win goal but okay.

★ DAEMON X MACHINA [On stream]

                Ya, I don’t care for this game between the grind for loot to just the damage output mix with the controls. The comparison to all the mech floating there like Dragon Ball Z characters was on point and with my main point of reference for mechs being Code Geass makes me feel off playing this since its bones are so close to being what I would want out of a Code Geass game, and yes, I am saying that in the context of season 1. The fact Code Geass also started to do that in season 2 is going to be ignored. Like all in all this game feels like it has good bones I just hate the Muscles and Tendons on it. So, ya this is just the game equivalent of a pet-peeve.

★ Subnautica [Off stream]

                Ya this really is we are not a horror game you just got thalassophobia bro. Anyway, finally got around to playing for myself instead of just watching lets plays of it mostly cause I’ve was watching RageGamingVideos series for it. Like I had it on the Epic game store when the released it for free. Ya it’s a good game I knew the story beats but even just playing it is the real fun of the game. Definitely the gold mark for the survival games for me.

★ Astrea: Six-Sided Oracles DEMO[Off stream]

                Okay this is a neat twist on the deck builder sub-genre. Like ya Slay the Spire popularized this type of rouge likes deck builders but it being with dice is neat. Like I do not have the mind to optimize this type of game or card games in general, but it is fun dice go click clack. As for the corruption purify thing instead of health kind of sounded pointless but they did something with it so kind of neat. As for the two in the demo the basic owl character seems more practical, but the shark bsoy seems like a high roller. Only did one run with each so can’t say too much on it. Will pick it up eventually.

★Tevi DEMO[Off stream]

                Well, this is a nice little Metroidvania. Also, neat how the artist put the bunny suit into the main characters design without it being blatant fanservice. The only odd thing about it is why does the DEMO have achievements for it. Definitely planning to play it eventually.