#anyways goodnight im going to sleep (it is 6 pm)

[demonir]

I like them a whole lot 💜

[britneyshakespeare]

screw whatever else i've said; the most important thing you can do in this lifetime is watch tv

[wizzywizzyballs]

3/11/2024 my first post

helloooo i needed a side hobby thing that my friends didn't know about, so i made this side blog... I don't actually know if they can see this or not. I wanted to make a little online diary for me to talk about my thoughts on where i'm pretty much anonymous. Hiding things from my friends is a bit of a guilty pleasure since I normally end up accidentally info dumping about every hour of my life to them and leaving no room for secrets. For anyone wondering, this is going to be mostly a system blog as well as that's what I (we?) am (are?). I'll eventually make an introduction post maybe if im feeling exxtra daring. but for now, here is what I've done today.

I went to bed at around midnight (I was really tired from not sleeping properly and want to fix my sleep schedule so no naps!!!) and woke up at noon! I normally sleep for only 8 hours like most human beings on earth so i guess i was preettty tired.. I had some funny dreams about friends and hopefully didn't come to any weird conclusions in one of them. I won't disclose that, though, just in case (albeit overbearing and lowkey stalker-ish) find this page and i have to explain my fucking tumblr post to them. Anyways, I made myself brunch... It was a fried egg sandwich with avocado, spinach, and the rest of my tomato.. Because someone else has been using my tomato and I don't know who.. I don't really care that much, there's another tomato. I had some extra avocado on the side, drenched in parmesan. Matt played some rimworld and we ate our brunch as usual and I watched a video about eerie japanese internet history. It's been a recent thing I've been fixated on. It's now 5 pm and we've done nothing but listen to music and play rimworld. I'm now going to take a nap. OH ACTUALLY,, before all of this brunch eating and rimworld playing, Matt helped apply us for a local credit union. Originally it was going to be Kyle's job, but he stopped fronting, and our current gatekeeper got the idea. I'll see tomorrow if we got accepted into it. I hope we did, but I doubt we will with our shitty record of constant unemployment ( we just got our ID) and just overall shitty looking anythings in terms of adulting. If not, we're applying for chase. asides from that, that is genuinely all I've done today. nothing crazy, I'm more excited for the sleepover with friends I should be having on Wednesday. My friends are constantly busy nowadays since they all have jobs, so hanging out like this is always fun. We're supposed to be keeping it a secret from (for anonymity I'll use fake names) Lemon, because he's very whiny and tbh a man-child. He never lets us hang out without him and we accidentally invited him to our ihop date, so we're going without him on wednesday and hoping he forgets about ihop.... You can ssay wwe're evil or mean or bad friends, but if you were his best friend of 6+ years, you'd do this too. what he doesn't know can't hurt him :p so don't tell on me, ok? anyways, goodnight, oyasumi, bon nuit, I'm taking my nap xx

[seungminsmile]

omg @ the stays sitting between seungjin... what does it feel like to win 😔😔

[soupiiiie]

Boring-tine Quarantine

request: @dangergays WHAT ABOUT AN AWSTEN KNIGHT ONE WHERE HIM AND THE OTHER PERSON ARE STUCK IN QUARANTINE TOGETHER AND THEY DO CUTE CHILDISH SHIT LIKE BUILDING PILLOW FORTS AND HAVING NERF GUN FIGHTS

a.n funny story.. I accidentally read the request but not the fort or nerf gun part. I wrote about it and randomly added those things cause I kept thinking about them. I just read the whole request and I think im psychic now. Anywho... enjoyc :))

Warnings: mild cursing

Word count: 1,355

It had been three weeks. Three weeks of being stuck in your shared apartment with your best friend Awsten. He had been in his little studio a lot more and you had been watching Disney movies to pass the time. It was official, you were bored. So, doing the only thing you could think of, you pushed yourself off of the couch and went to Awsten’s studio. “Hey, bubba are you busy right now?” You asked slowly opening the door.

“No bub, why what’s up?” He asked, calling you the nickname he gave you when you all met. 

“Um… I’m just kinda bored right now and wanted to know if you wanted to do something..?” You replied regretting not thinking of an idea.

Awsten got up and walked into the kitchen with you trailing behind, “Like what, jellybean? We can’t really go anywhere right now.” You rolled your eyes. 

“I know Aws, I was thinking we could do something here like… play a game or build a fort!” you said enthusiastically. He chuckled and grabbed two glasses and filled them with orange juice.

“Here,” he said handing you the glass, “I like the fort idea, and maybe afterward, we can get out the nerf guns and have a battle.” He said with a glint in his eyes, telling you he wanted to kick your ass.

You thought for a moment before sticking out your hand and replying, “Deal, now let’s grab every single blanket we own and make the best fucking fort the world has ever seen.”  Awsten chuckled and went to his room while you went to yours and grabbed every blanket his mom and your mom gave you guys when you moved. 

After making a pile of pillows and blankets, you got to work hanging blankets from the couch to the tv and even adding Christmas lights to make it cute. “I think we did a pretty damn good job bub,” Awsten exclaimed, excited to get in a cozy up with a movie or video games. 

“Of course it is, you do have the best fort builder ever living with you,” you said as you playfully nudged his shoulder.

You and Awsten had known each other for about five years and hit it off pretty quickly. Though Awsten was attractive, and you make sure to tell him whenever his self-esteem is low, you never tried the dating, it would just be weird. Awsten sat down with you one day and told you that he only ever thought of you as a sister and you agreed honestly. You only ever saw him as a big brother to you, and that’s how he acted. 

After plugging in and turning on the Christmas light, you guys settled into your little cave. “Shit I forgot the snack. Be right back,” Awsten said before crawling out and getting a bag of snacks from the kitchen, “here, I got chips, crackers, cookies, soda, and orange juice.” You laughed as he handed you the bag before settling down beside you and covering up with the blanket you had over your lap.

“What do you wanna watch?” you asked, looking at Awsten for a decision. He cocked his head to the side and thought for a moment.

“Um… how about Big Hero 6…?” He asked looking to you for approval. You nodded and opened up Disney+, found the movie, and put it on snuggling closer to Awsten since you were cold.

Sometime during the second movie, you had fallen asleep cuddled up to Awsten. He didn’t want to move because you hadn’t slept well the past couple of days, so he decided to fall asleep as well. Around 7 pm, Otto and Geoff decided to come over and surprise Awsten since they haven’t seen him in a couple of weeks. Geoff luckily had a key because you and Awsten weren’t opening the door anytime soon. So after knocking for five minutes and no answer, he unlocked the door and opened it to find a giant blanket fort and Christmas lights everywhere. Wondering where you and Awsten were, he stepped inside and looked under the fort. There you were, cuddled into Awsten’s side as he had his arms wrapped protectively around you. Both of you sleeping soundly as a random movie was now playing on the tv.

Geoff poked Awsten’s shoulder and he stirred slightly. Looking around, he quickly noticed Geoff and Otto standing at the entrance of the fort. With a finger to his lips, he slowly moved to pick you up and take you to your bed. After setting you down and closing your door, he walked into the living room and turned to Geoff and Otto, “What are y’all doing here and how did you get in?” Awsten asked with a look of confusion while grabbing the OJ glasses and putting them in the sink. 

“We came over to see you cause it been three weeks and we got in with the spare key you gave me when you guys moved in. How’s y/n doing?” Geoff asked while sitting at the breakfast bar.

“Oh yeah forgot about those keys, and she’s doing good. She got bored so we built a fort and were gonna have a nerf battle after, but she fell asleep.” Awsten said before grabbing two more glasses and pouring water for the guys.

You stirred a bit in your bed, confused as to how you got there. After stretching, you got up and walked to the kitchen to find Otto, Geoff, and Awsten talking about whatever. “Hey, guys.” You said while giving Otto and Geoff side hugs.

“Hey, there kiddo good to see you,” Geoff said while kissing your head. 

“Yeah, we missed you,” Otto said while kissing your forehead. You walked around the bar and got a soda from the fridge.

“So what did y’all want?” you asked, taking a sip from your soda.

“They haven’t seen us in three weeks and wanted to make sure we were still alive,” Awsten said while taking a sip from your soda. You gave him a glare and rolled your eyes playfully. 

“Yeah, cool fort you built there,” Otto said looking back at the tent of blankets in the living room. You smiled and gave thanks to him while looking back at Geoff and Awsten to see what they were talking about.

After about 20 minutes of conversation and jokes, Geoff spoke up to you guys, “Well I’ve got to get back to say goodnight to Rory. I’ll see you guys sometime.” he gets up and gives Awsten a hug and gives you a hug and kiss on the forehead. “Love you guys,” Geoff said before leaving.

“Well, he’s my ride so I guess I'll see you guys later.” Otto chimed before giving you a hug and kiss on the cheek and Awsten a hug as well. You and Awsten chorused goodbye as Otto left as well.

You turned to look at the fort still how you left it. “Well, do you wanna go in the fort or go to bed?” you asked the green-haired guy beside you. 

“We can always fall asleep in the fort.”

“True, c’mon” you exclaimed before grabbing his hand and pulling him into the fort with you. “Let’s watch Emperors New Groove.” You said as Awsten rolled his eyes.

“We watched that last week bub.” He said with a groan. 

“Whatever Aws.” you rolled your eyes as you put on the movie anyways. Covering yourself and Awsten with the blanket, you cuddled into his side as he, once again, wraps a protective arm around you. You couldn’t be happier at this terrible time. At least you were with your best friend in the whole world. You looked up at Awsten and smiled, “You’re the best big brother Aws. I love you.” You leaned up and gave him a kiss on the cheek as he looked down at you.

“I love you too,” He said before kissing your forehead, “and don’t tell Gracie but, you’re the best little sister.” You smiled as you looked back to the movie, soon falling asleep once more.

[sugxrbunni]

the imp of the perverse | bts oneshot

tw ; references to depression, self-harm, suicidal thoughts + attempt of suicide

inspo ; 'listen before i go' by billie eilish

.:.

more stuff i've written

.:.

his headache heavy head laid against the bend of his arm. strands of coarse, dark purple hair fell in front of bloodshot brown eyes; the rest blowing in the cool breeze of six in the evening. his irises being blessed with the pastel pinks and creamsicle oranges of the dusk sky.

he doesn't remember when he made it to the rooftop of his apartment building, but he's been laying against the ledge for a while now. 

he decided he wants to sleep with the sun.

lifting his head from his arm, he felt the newly released pressure cause his forarm to sting in agony. using his 'good' arm, he reached into his left-hand pocket and pulled out his dying cell phone.

6:28 pm

Mon. September 23

he placed his phone screen-side up on the concrete. exhausted limbs stretched out and weak hands grasped the cold stone ledge, supporting his body as he stood up.

his eyes scanned the vast skyline of seoul slowing ascending into an autumn night, but he felt like he was experiencing the world's final sunset before it's cloaked in a chilly darkeness for entirety.

swinging his legs over, he starred down past his baggy jeans and converse. the air felt thick and heavy as his legs dangled off the edge, or was that just his imagination ? he couldn't tell.

the sudden, gentle hum of a familiar ringtone began swimming through his eardrums; he's never felt his heart become this heavy before. if he wasn't careful, his heart could weigh him down and drop him before he was ready to let go.

cautiously leaning over, he retrieved his phone from it's previous spot on the pavement. the caller id reading 'big seok' made his heart ache -- he answered anyway.

'oh you're awake ? wow, i'm surprised, it's early even for you joon-ah, haha.' namjoon's breathing started to become ragged, so he didn't respond, letting the elder ramble on like he usually does.

'is yoongi there with you ? probably not, who am i kidding. don't forget to go down to his apartment and tell him to get some rest, alright ? you know how he is.'

it's been about four minutes and he hasn't answered yet. his eyes have been lost in the concrete sea below him.

'namjoon ?'

'hyung, i know i already told you i love you, but im gonna tell you again, okay ? i love you.'

'um .. i love you too, joon-ah .. i don't remember getting a text or anything like that from you earlier ?' namjoon made sure to say his final goodbyes eariler, but none of those interactions were real since he was too afraid to confront to his friends about his mental state.

'namjoon, are you alright ?'

'it's time for me to go, hyung.'

he didn't need to be next to seokjin to know his eyes just went wide from sudden panic.

'namjoon ... where are you right now ?'

'..  the roof.' he heard immediate rustling and the jingling sound of car keys through the receiver. 'i'm gonna be right over, alright ?'

'hyung ..'

'you're gonna be alright, namjoon.' the younger felt his breathing get caught in his throat -- the sun was beginning to disappear.

'jin-hyung .. it's time for me to go.'

'joon, don't do anything. im gonna be there as soon as i can. i'm gonna help you okay ? we'll get out of this together.

'the only way out is down, hyung.'

'don't say that, joon-ah. i'm going to come over. i'll get you down and we'll go sit and talk with yoongi, alright ? you're gonna be alright.'

'tell the others i told them i love them too. please ? goodnight, hyung.'

'namjo-'

hanging up, namjoon put his phone on silent. he couldn't handle hearing the desperation in seokjin's voice. he's always been too helpful and kind for his own good.

the golden light of the sun has almost entirely dissipated now. the only light he could see was the street lamps below him and the dimly lit screen that kept illuminating seokjin's contact name numerous times.

namjoon's grip on the ledge loosened, however, the abrupt creak of the rooftop terrace door caused him to cling back on, nails digging into the concrete.

he whipped his. head back, eyes adjusting on the approaching body. the baggy silhouette was easily recognisable, even in the dim dusk light.

'yoongi-hyung ?'

the elder's bewildered expression was complimented with puffy eyes and a red nose, his right hand clutching his left forearm -- he looked ill.

'namjoon ?'

'seok .. seokjin-hyung didn't send you up here, right ? be-because it's time for me to leave, hyung.'

namjoon was sent into panic. he appreciated seokjin's perseverance, he really did, but he's been ready to go for a while now.

yoongi watched the younger's facial expression in both confusion and concern, his eyes traveling down to namjoon's waist, noticing he was sitting over the edge.

'namjoon .. are you here to sleep, too ?'

[taylorfiction]

Wallflower

Part one of an AU that i hope you’ll enjoy? let me know? i loved writing this. Be patient with me, i have plans to make the next part slightly more interesting? i understand that it’s a little dull but think of it as a prologue. Also it may take time as im in a weird place with writing atm x

-

‘She was nineteen, with a baby on the way, on the East side of the city she was working every day, cleaning dishes in the evening, she could barely stay awake, she was clinging to the feeling that her luck was going to change. And, across town she would take the bus at night to, a one-bedroom apartment and when she turned on the light, she would sit down at the table, tell herself that it’s alright. She was waiting on the day she hoped her baby would arrive. She’d never be alone, have someone to hold, and, when nights were cold, she’d say, “the world’s not perfect but it’s not that bad, if we got each other and that’s all we have, I will be your mother and I’ll hold your hand – you should know I’ll be there for you. And the world’s not perfect and the world’s not kind, if we have each other then we’ll both be fine, I will be your mother and I’ll hold your hand – you should know I’ll be there for you.” ‘ If We Have Each Other – Alec Benjamin

-

‘Hey sweetie, how was your day?’ I kneel down as I greet the little girl in front of me, her toothy grin already telling me her day was as good as ever.

‘It was good, we did colouring and I made this for you,’ Lilly smiles as she hands me what she had been holding so tightly onto. It was a butterfly. It was a pink and purple butterfly that I already knew would be attached to the fridge later this evening with all the other lovely pieces of art my daughter had made for me at school.

I stand up again and hold my hand out for her to take, walking towards Lilly’s teacher for a brief chat, ‘Just checking she wasn’t any trouble today? I know she can get excited sometimes, can’t you chicken?’ Lilly giggles as I ask her, swinging and hanging off my arm, my eyes flick back to her teacher, Miss Miller, and we both smile.

‘Taylor you know Lilly is always a dream, she’s always making the other kids smile, I don’t know how you managed to make such a perfect child on your own at your age’ my heart warms as I hear Miss Miller gush about my pride and joy. I squeeze Lilly’s hand and smile down at her as she wriggles around my legs, not listening to this adult conversation.

‘My Mum has helped a lot aha, Grandma has dinner with us two times a week, doesn’t she?’ I look down at my daughter and I squeeze her hand slightly to get her attention, she nods eagerly at her teacher, that cheeky smile still plastered on her face.

‘Anyway, thank you for looking after her, I’m gonna take her home now before she pulls my arm off’ we both laugh at my joke before Lilly drags me away, excited to to get home to her dolls, we wander through the corridors of her small school and begin the walk back to our apartment.

We walk the five minutes before we reach our building, racing up the stairs to see who could get to the front door first; ending in my wheezing and Lilly’s fits of giggles. I unlock the door and smile as she slips her shoes and coat off and instantly runs into her room to find her dolls before she sits on the sofa with them, fully immersed in her own little story.

I place the coloured-in-butterfly on the fridge under the magnet of the Statue of Liberty, we were in New York after all, and admire all the other colourings and paintings that were there, it was like a collage of everything Lilly.

My phone buzzes and I smile as I see the icon telling me who is calling ‘Hey Gi, what’s up?’ I ask one of my best friend’s, remembering that she was meant to come over later.

‘We still good for tonight? I’ll come at 6?’ she asks, apparently reading my mind with her question.

‘Yes, Lilly is very excited to see you, as normal’ I laugh, remembering how bouncy Lilly was when I told her Gigi was coming for dinner. She loved Gigi. Lilly would never admit it to anyone but I knew she was her favourite out of my three best friends; Gigi, Karlie and Martha.

‘It’s 5 now so that gives me an hour to make dinner, I think we’re good,’ I say as I start to move around the kitchen getting out the tomato sauce from the freezer from when I made too much last time we had it.

She laughs down the line before we say our goodbyes and she hangs up. As the sauce defrosts slightly I realise I’m still in my work clothes and I should probably get out of them before Gi gets here, I guess I was in such a rush to start dinner and get ready for Gi coming round that I completely forgot about changing.

I nip into my bedroom freeing myself of my office attire and slipping into my sweats and a tee, knowing that Gi will probably be in the same kind of outfit and won’t care, the only difference is that she will still look stunningly beautiful.

I walk back over to the kitchen and smile as I see that Lilly is still fully concentrated on the dolls in front of her, ‘Hey Lils, remember Aunty Gi is coming round are you gonna get changed?’ I ask her, snapping her attention from the toys in front of her.

She giggles, clearly happy Gigi was coming round, we ended up calling all of my friends Aunty because they were so close to Lilly and I, it was as though we were all related. ‘Okay, what’s for dinner?’ she asks chirpily, getting up from the sofa but pausing before she ran into her room again.

‘Bolognaise, is that okay sugar?’ I respond, knowing full well that she loves Bolognaise and would eat it any or every day of the week. She nods and bounds into her pink room to get dressed. I mix the mince into the tomato sauce, smiling as I think about how lucky I am to get an angelic daughter like Lilly who was only a hassle at bed time because she didn’t want to leave me.

I used to feel bad that Lilly didn’t have a father figure to look up to. I used to feel bad that I didn’t go out and find who he was and make him help bring her up but then I remembered I probably didn’t want someone who wasn’t even there when I woke up after that one-night stand and probably would never be there for either of us. Pregnant after a one-night stand. And that’s when I get judged. I remember as a child wanting a fairy-tale romance. Look where that got me.

I put the Bolognaise sauce in a pan and let it simmer, knowing Gigi would be here in ten minutes and the pasta would only take about five meaning it would be ready the instant she got here. At that point my wild four-and-a-half-year-old came bounding out of her room, some striped leggings and a Disney t-shirt on.

‘Can I help? Can I help? Can I help?’ she skips towards me with a huge smile on her face and I know that I have to give her a job to do otherwise she’ll sulk. ‘Hmm can you get three bowls out and three sets of knives and forks for all of us sweetie?’ I smile back at her, hoping one day I would actually be able to ask her to stir the sauce without worrying if she’d burn herself.

I place the Pasta in the pan and turn back to watch my daughter counting out three of each object, placing the cutlery on the table while leaving the bowls up there so I could serve it easier later.

There is a knock on the door and an instant squeal comes out of Lilly’s mouth as she realises who it is, she bounds over and opens it for her Aunty Gi before flinging herself into my best friend’s arms.

Gi bends down to Lilly’s height in order to give her a proper hug, ‘Hi Lils, how’s my favourite four-year-old?’ she says into my daughter’s shoulder, making me smile and Lilly giggle.

‘Im the only four-year-old you know Aunty Gi’ Lilly pulls away and gives her that sassy-four-year-old-look that I always tell her off for. We all laugh before Gi pulls Lilly closer to her and begins tickling her, making her squeal.

‘Well then you must be my favourite, mustn’t you?’ Gigi continues to tickle her before Lilly begins squealing at her to stop in between her wild fits of laughter. Lilly nods eagerly at her ‘Aunt’s’ question after the attack was over and hugs my best friend again before running over to where she had left her dolls on the sofa.

‘Hey weirdo’ Gigi walks over to me now and we hug briefly, pulling away after a good squeeze, ‘Oh it smells so good, gimme food,’ she acts her grabby hands at the food still simmering which was probably done now.

I pick up one of the pieces of pasta before encouraging Gigi to open her mouth so she could taste it, ‘Done?’ I ask as she chews and she nods eagerly making me laugh a little. I pick up the pan and wander over to where the bowls are; two larger bowls and a smaller pink one for Lilly.

‘Sweetie, dinner’s ready,’ I raise my voice slightly so Lilly can hear me and she instantly hops off the sofa and bounds across the small distance between the kitchen table and the counter. It was only a small apartment after all. I can’t afford anything bigger on the salary of a sales assistant.

After dishing out the three meals me and Gi took them to the table along with three glasses of water, the wine would be for after Lils was asleep. We chatted about what Lilly did at school that day and the butterfly she had coloured in for me and we talked about when we were seeing Aunty Gi next. It was comforting to be around some of my favourite people. It was peaceful.

By the time we had finished eating and had been chatting for a little while it was 7 pm and Lilly was yawning - I could tell she was tired even if she didn’t want to go to sleep, ‘C’mon missy I saw that yawn, lets get you to bed,’ I stood up, collecting the plates and placing them on the side before offering my hand to the little girl still sat at the table.

‘But Aunty Gi is here, can I stay up? Please?’ I could see her puppy dog eyes and it took so much of me to shake my head at her, I knew she didn’t want to but I also knew how tired she would be tomorrow if she didn’t.

‘Say goodnight to Aunty Gi, because if you don’t sleep now you won’t be able to get up in the morning,’ I raise my eyebrows at her and I hear her dramatically huff before slipping off her chair and giving my best friend a hug and a kiss on the cheek goodnight.

She took my hand and we wander towards her bedroom where I help her get ready for bed and give her a kiss goodnight, promising to read her a story tomorrow. ‘Goodnight, sweet dreams angel,’ I whisper into her room as I shut the door part way and let her sleep.

‘If I ever have kids I want one like her,’ Gigi says with a smile on her face following me across the room towards where the wine is. I pour us both a glass of red wine and we chink our glasses before wandering towards the sofa to chat, ‘You’re twenty-three how in hell did you raise that girl to be so lovely? She asked.

‘She can be chaos at times so be careful what you wish for and you guys and my Mum helped a lot,’ we both laugh at this in agreement before a comfortable silence overtook us and we sipped at our wine, occasionally swirling it around the glass.

I knew It was coming the second she stepped over my threshold it was just a matter of when, ‘So, met anyone interesting recently?’ she asks not-so-subtly, I scoff and roll my eyes at her. I don’t know why she asks when she knows I haven’t.

‘Do I look like I’ve met some interesting recently?’ I use her words in my response, raising my eyebrows to encourage her to answer so I can hear her excuse for asking me when she was really telling me to get out more and to get a life.

Gi smiled and took a sip of her drink, ‘I was just wondering because me and the others are going out Sunday and we want you to come,’ her offer warms my heart but the four-year-old kid asleep in her bedroom reminds me I can’t.

‘What about Lil-‘ I start before she cuts me off.

‘Ask your mum to mind Lily because you will come out with us and you will have fun,’ I try to protest that I’m so out of practice I’d be a let down but she interrupts me before I can start, ‘When was the last time you went out and got drunk? Eh?’

I sigh, trying to remember, ‘last year? When Lilly spent a week at Mum’s? I think?’ I answer skeptically and I see Gi’s unimpressed expression on her face.

In summary: I have no choice.

[taeyamayang]

so, i was going ‘round inviting people on friday and the next person on the list was T

anyway, so i went to his house to ask him at around 5-6 pm, and his mother opened when i knocked on the door. bc we’ve lived in the same area for so long and his mom and my mom are friends, his mom is really friendly to me, she loves me :D

she welcomed me inside and i saw that his sister (practically like an older sister to me) was home for the june holidays

so she compliments me, telling me i looked all cute (i did, i went to the mall that day) and we talk a little before i say i’m here to ask T something

his mom says “he’s sleeping, feel free to slap him awake if you want to” and we both laugh and i go “if i did he’d hit me back”

nevertheless, i go to his room and shake him lightly awake, and when his eyes finally open theyre rlly red, so he was DEEP in sleep

and he just looks up at me and he’s focusing so hard 😭 then, he grabs his phone and checks the home screen before going “oh, we’re still safe”

i dont think much of it and just start chatting with him, conversation flowing really easily and stuff (always does with him) and i start to tell him about the event

and i go “the event is monday but my birthday’s on sunday, in case you happen to forget again” as a lil joke yk, he’s horrible at remembering birthdays

T goes “why do you think i checked my phone? i saw you and i thought i missed it so i panicked a little”

and i just. idk i liked that.

and its just me telling him the details of everything and us just chatting away with ease and im laughing and smiling a lot bc its something i do and i was just really happy

and he said he’d be there definitely and it was kinda cute, the fact that this was the first event i was having for my bday

(but this time the aww thing felt real nice)

and his mom walked in to get some clothes as i was about to say goodnight and goodbye to him, which led to us just clowning on him for being asleep at that time

she walked out soon after, then i said a few more things along the lines of “don’t embarrass me”

he laughed and said he wouldn’t

i said “i know you, don’t embarrass me”

and so on, just laughing a little

he opened his arms for a hug goodbye and he was real warm when i hugged him bc yk he just woke up

left his room, talked to his sister some more who was shocked that it was even july

but yeah, i left that place BEAMING

bestie, angel, giiiiirrrrllll THIS WHOLE THING HAD ME CURSING IN MY LANGUAGE LATE AT NIGHT WHAT THE FUCK I'M SMILING LIKE A FOOL READING THIS

FUCKKKKK THAT GAVE ME FREAKING BUTTERFLIES IN THE STOMACH literally the childhood bestfriends trope is sooooo ohmysbsbsbsbshsbs

the way he panicked and checked his phone to see if he missed your birthday, they way you both hugged you felt his warmth from sleep, and the way you're pratically part of his family had me vsbsnsmsbsks AGH I WANT MORE OF THIS HECKKKK

[anonydiary]

7/12/2021

12:39 pm

day 1 of keeping my life here… on a tumblr page. its the only way i can keep it away from my mother so it works, i guess. i am currently sitting in the car, trying to think of how to write while my brother blabbers loudly and my mom watches loud videos and i am losing my mind because it is so loud and everyones moving and being noisy aaaand i cant even hear my own thoughts… autism. sensory overload. im about to cry. great.

anyways. today… fucking sucks so far. they played a suicide prevention video in class and wouldnt let me leave, and then i saw my abusive ex in the hallway and immediately had a panic attack. the kids in my class were joking about suicide and depression and it was just… awful. i got checked out so i wouldnt have to deal with it but god this isnt even better is it? everythings so loud… i feel like i cant even breathe. or think. or feel.

to top it all off, my mother has been awful. she has a pattern of getting worse in the winter, and it’s obviously started. its been nothing but screaming and belittling.

if nothing else, at least ive barely eaten. if nothing else, at least i should lose weight. yeah. control. ive got that dont i? control control control….

2:18 pm

well. mom yelled again. lost her shit on us. at least im home, though.

i just had my last meal of the day. today consisted of:

- coffee

- fruit cup and pomegranate seeds

- vegetarian sandwich

730ish is my total

i feel gross.

i am so stressed. i am a person with hidden thinness, dressed in the lard of a pig. i am disgusting.

6:47 pm

i ate a rice cake and a bunch of pickle slices and its still under 800 which is good. i cleaned too. started my dance project. rehearsed my musical audition stuff.

i did not do my math work… itll be fine… maybe-

ugh… im such a mess.. i havent showered in days.. or washed my face… or brushed my teeth… im barely keeping my head above water, im only striving to keep my grades up and lose weight and the rest is aloof.

and my dear beloveds, i havent been spending much time with them. i miss them. dearly. my heart aches for them so desperately, and when i fall asleep its them that is my last thought, and when i wake its them that enters my head first. i adore them. i miss them.

however i can be more positive. today, i started dating a new partner, we’ll call them cel. i do not love anyone as much as my beloveds, but cel does make me very happy (keep in mind, reader, i am poly and this is consented. do not fret.) i also believe i will attempt going vegan. we will see, haha.

anyways, i am very tired now. i will wait up for my beloveds to come online -we are long distance- though i may sleep soon. it isnt often i stay up past 8pm anymore, im always just so.. tired.

goodnight, reader.

[sadrien]

wanna chat? pt.19

on ao3 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19

so this is like...twice as long as a normal chapter. anyway i was in les mis the other week and i sent something and someone thought it was a les mis chapter of wanna chat. and @reyxa​ encouraged it so Here We Are

this chapter continues right off of the last one because i found a note with sick quotes on it. i kept the les mis as light and understandable as possible but just like..let me know if it makes 0 sense. i had to get this out of my system because ive been in a writing funk

(mari = cough cough, nino = space bro, alya = alys, adrien = glen coco)

enjoy? 

3:12 in boo you whore

cough cough: gmoring i cant brethe out of mynose rn Im not goin g ot be in school today :( Bu ti cant sleep anymore because I cnat breath e iim gonna go watch youtube videos

 6:37

space bro: my dude i hope youre feeling better when you wake up

6:43

glen coco: If you’re not turn on the shower really hot and sit in the bathroom with the steam

alys: or drown urself in cold medicine

glen coco: Don’t do that

space bro: never listen to alya

alys: dont listen to these traitors

PM between glen coco and cough cough

glen coco: I bet the akuma attack last night really didn’t help Don’t worry about anything today I can handle it unless it’s another akuma Just get some rest <3

10:03 in boo you whore

cough cough: Self care is chugging five cups of tea and astral projecting behind a mcdonalds to punch hawkmoth in the face

11:46

glen coco: Mari no

alys: mari yes

space bro: mari wtf

cough cough: Im dyin g

alys: tag urself im punching hm in the face

space bro: im astral projection

glen coco: Five c ups of tea

cough cough: Does that make me the mcdonalds

space bro: congrats mari

glen coco: I can’t believe Mari is the golden arches

alys has changed their name to punching hawkmoth in the face

punching hawkmoth in the face: im finally my True Self gang follwo suit

cough cough: Why shoul d I LISten to you

punching hawkmoth in the face: bc u love me and want me 2 b happy and also bc i still have ur jacket in my bedroom

cough cough: Fuck

cough cough has changed their name to mcdonalds

space bros: al youre ridic

punching hawkmoth in the face: just do it babe

space bros has changed their name to astral projection

astral projection: there ya go

glen coco: Rip Glen Coco

punching hawkmoth in the face: truly a her o of his generation :’(

mcdonalds: RIp

glen coco has changed their name to five cups of tea

five cups of tea: Rebirth

mcdonalds: I hate you all img oing ot bed

punching hawkmoth in the face: goodnight my darlign <3

astral projection: nap well bro hopefully you feel better when you wake up

 15:37

punching hawkmoth in the face: remind me to throw my bag in the seine i dont wanna do hw :(

astral projection: i feel you

punching hawkmoth in the face: wanna get togheter and do hw

astral projection: do homework or “do homework”

punching hawkmoth in the face: have u ever met me “””””””do homework”””””””

astral projection: i need to figure out physics my dude

punching hawkmoth in the face: D’:

five cups of tea: I can help you when I get home tonight

punching hawkmoth in the face: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

astral projection: the real mvp i love you

five cups of tea: I love you too Have fun Use protection

astral projection: alya please kick him out of the chat

punching hawkmoth in the face: no i like him

astral projection: fuck

 18:57 mcdonalds: Screens hurt my head irhgt now Im gonna watch reruns and keep sleepng

punching hawkmoth in the face: feel better babe <3

 22:15

five cups of tea: Ok so the other day instead of doing homework I started reading les mis ANd now instead of doing homework I’m reading les mis again I can’t believe this is how I’m procrastinating

astral projection: what

punching hawkmoth in the face: the musical????

five cups of tea: No the book Which the musical is based off of

astral projection: what a nerd

punching hawkmoth in the face: lmao how is it

five cups of tea: Old Long

punching hawkmoth in the face: how long?

five cups of tea: Uhhh 655,000 words

mcdonalds: jesus

astral projection: what the actual fuck

punching hawkmoth in the face: holllllly fuck

astral projection: you my dude are unreal

punching hawkmoth in the face: for fun???? r u sure this is for fun???????

five cups of tea: I think so? It’s kind of boring sometimes and hard to get through but other parts are really good Also if I’m reading I don’t have to practice chinese

punching hawkmoth in the face: touche

astral projection: have fun reading bro you are unbelievable

PM between five cups of tea and mcdonalds

five cups of tea: Hey why are you up? I thought you were heading off to bed a while ago?

mcdonalds: I didnt take nyquil tonight because I felt a little better and didnt want to pass the fuck out again but now Im awake and cant sleep because my head feels like its gonna explode And I regret So much

five cups of tea: Aw no poor bug

mcdonalds: Ugh

five cups of tea: Do you want anything?

mcdonalds: You dont have to

five cups of tea: Do you want anything? If you want soup I can get you some

mcdonalds: Its like???? Really late?????

five cups of tea: Mar its only 20:30

mcdonalds: Oh It feels like 1 But its still late

five cups of tea: Ok well Late night food is not a new thing Trust me

mcdonalds: … If you brought me soup Id love you forever

five cups of tea: I thought you already did

mcdonalds: Id love you even more

five cups of tea: I’ll be on my way soon

mcdonalds: I love you so much <3

23:35 in boo you whore

punching hawkmoth in the face: what if you took tea in shots like shot glasses

five cups of tea: Like with hot tea?

astral projection: i feel like thats a good way to burn your entire mouth

five cups of tea: *entire life

astral projection: ^^^

punching hawkmoth in the face: hmmm

five cups of tea: Alya no

astral projection: yeah bad idea

punching hawkmoth in the face: f i n e

 1:02

mcdonalds: sos Im dying I constantly feel like Im about to sneeze If I dont feel that way its cause Im sneezing

astral projection: rip my dude guessing you cnat sleep while sneezing

mcdonalds: Nope :’( End my suffering please

astral projection: no can do i can offer virtual hugs

mcdonalds: I guess thatll work for now

astral projection: <3

2:03

PM between five cups of tea and mcdonalds

five cups of tea: Hey Hey Marinette Hey I have something to show you

mcdonalds: Adrien its 2 in the morning

five cups of tea: So? You’re up too

mcdonalds: I slept all day

mcdonalds: Yeah but you’re awake right now

mcdonalds: … Fine Hit me

five cups of tea: “When they had finished, when they had told each other everything, she laid her head on his shoulder and asked him: ‘What is your name?’” Us

mcdonalds: Oh my go d This is les mis right??? What youw ere talking about before??

five cups of tea: Yup

mcdonalds: Omg Why are you like this

five cups of tea: Ok but am I wrong????

mcdonalds: I cant say you are tbh

five cups of tea: Man I feel like Marius am I like Marius??

mcdonalds: Whats he like?

five cups of tea: Kind of oblivious, pretty romantic but sort of in a weird way, awkward, usually confused but can be scary if he needs to, handsome as hell and love of my life that I would honestly leave all three of you for

mcdonalds: Wow Are you sure you havent already

five cups of tea: :P Actually….

mcdonalds: Are you suddenly realizing youve left us for a fictional character

five cups of tea: No I was oging to say I might be more like Bossuet

mcdonalds: Youre just saying words I dont know who that is

five cups of tea: He always has bad luck Like always Ummmm hold on

mcdonalds: K Who would I be???

five cups of tea: “He was the constant victim of mischance, hence his merriment. He said, ‘I spend my life walking under ladders.’”

mcdonalds: Ok you mgiht be this Bossuet you bad luck magnet

five cups of tea: For you Hmmmm Enjolras?

mcdonalds: Not cosette??  Shes the love interest right

five cups of tea: As much as I love you Enjolras is the leader in red And I just can’t help myself

mcdonalds: Nerd Are you goind to do alya and nino too?

five cups of tea: D u h

 2:34

mcdonalds: Adrien?? You ok? Youve been quiet for a while Or did you fall asleep on your computer again

five cups of tea: No I’m here I’m just Stuck This is haarrrrrdddddddddd Alya and Nino are just so deep and complex and awesome and I dont’ know how to place them???

mcdonalds: True But wow Slightly offended

five cups of tea: Hey yours is based on a pun I can pun easy

mcdonalds: G o to sleep kitten You can sort them in the mornign Later this morning

five cups of tea: Fine I hope you’re feeling better

mcdonalds: A little bit!! The soup definitely helped Night <3

five cups of tea: Night <3

10:25 in boo you whore

astral projection: saturdays are chill but my mom wants us to clean the entire apartment today and im not about that life

 12:12

mcdonalds has changed their name to enjolras

enjolras: I have no idea who thi s is but I hope it makes Adrien happy

punching hawkmoth in the face: ???? wahts ahppenign

enjolras: Adrien said I was this charactera t like 2

astral projection: why the fuck do none of you people value sleep

punching hawkmoth in the face: how theh ell did that even come up in conversation

enjolras: He was saying he thinks hes like Marius

astral projection: huh

five cups of tea: I’m not sure yet

astral projection: bro!!!

five cups of tea: I'm thinking either Marius or bossuet for myself

punching hawkmoth in the face: r we supposed 2 know the second one

enjolras: Hes got bad luck Thats what I got from our convo when no one else was awake

punching hawkmoth in the face: change ur name i want u2b the hopeless romantic

astral projection: isnt he already??

punching hawkmoth in the face: lmao

five cups of tea has changed their name to marius

punching hawkmoth in the face: awesome were u gonna do nino and i??

marius: Yeah I’m just having some trouble

astral projection: yeah were just too unique to be put into little boxes

marius: Exactly

astral projection: that was sarcasm but i love you so much

marius: <3

punching hawkmoth in the face: hey question not that im doubting maris badassary but why enjolras

marius: Enjolras is incredibly passionate and would do anything for his friends and the people of Paris Reminds me of how Marinette is as class president

PM between marius and enjolras

enjolras: Nice save

marius: Thanks

in boo you whore

astral projection: I see it

marius: Alya could be eponine?

punching hawkmoth in the face: shes the one who cries about marius right

marius: Well I was actually thinking her cause Ponine she knows her way around And all that stuff But yes she cries about Marius she does have a song about that

PM between punching hawkmoth in the face and astral projection

punching hawkmoth in the face: lmao did he just give me the character hopelessly in love with marius

astral projection: rip

punching hawkmoth in the face: end my life

in boo you whore

punching hawkmoth in the face: i cna work with that

punching hawkmoth in the face has changed their nickname to eponine

astral projection: and then tehre was one

marius: I’m struggling

enjolras: Arent we all

eponine: Id help but I know literally nothing other than some of the lyrics RED THE BLOOD OF BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD

astral projection: theres no way that isnt right im 100% sure those are the actual words

eponine: BLACK THE BLOOD OF BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD

enjolras: Period mood

eponine: general mood

enjolras: Ok same

eponine: mood: red and black but the only words are blood

enjolras renamed this conversation to “red the blood of blood blood blood”

eponine: yes exactly

astral projection: sometimes i wonder why im friends with you

eponine: because u love us and would be sad without us

astral projection: ok yes but also why

marius: I mean maybe Grantaire? He’s a jack of all trades? Nino you are…really hard to place But R might be the best bet

enjolras: Wait a minute R?

marius: Yes

enjolras: Get out of this chat

marius: </3

astral projection: that is amazing

astral projection has changed their nickname to grantaire

grantaire: in it for the puns

marius: So is Hugo

enjolras: Who

marius: The writer of les mis

eponine: tag yourself im les miserables all of them

grantaire: you cant be all the miserables

eponine: watch me try

marius: Sorry you must have no idea what’s going on

grantaire: not really we have nothing to contribute but keep going dude!!! i love to hear you ramble

eponine: oh oh i have something to contribute

enjolras: You do?

eponine: 24601? more like 246 so done with your shit

enjolras: Im leaving the country

grantaire: whos shit?

eponine: uh oh fuck whos the antagonist again

marius: Society

grantaire: deep

enjolras: Stop being fake deep

eponine: feep anyway no u butt the police dude

marius: The only evil in les mis IS society And the Thenardiers OH JAVERT

eponine: YES THANK YOU

marius: Javert: do not forget my name Alya: forgets his name

eponine: fuck you also 246 so done with your shit javert

grantaire: thank you for clarifying

eponine: no prob

enjolras: Ok so Im googling stuff to try and figure out whats happening And wow This is depressing ¾ of us die

marius has changed their nickname to bossuet

bossuet: Now all of us die

eponine: nope change back 2 lover boy ur not dying too

grantaire: um no one is dying my dudes

bossuet: We’re always dying But fine

bossuet has changed their nickname to marius

enjolras: Im pretty sure Im dying righ tnow I almost coughed up a lung

eponine: GO TAKE MEDICIN E

enjolras: You arent my mom!!!!!!!!!

eponine: THAT DOESNT MEAN I DONT CCARE ABOUT YOU AND YOUR HEALTH!!!!!!!!!

enjolras: AHHHHH

eponine: AHHHHHH

grantaire: Ahhhhh?

marius: Ahhhhh

[mrfutureboy]

cool i think ive officially fucked up my sleeping schedule

[canaryatlaw]

alright, let’s get going here. the last 24 hours or so have been fairly odd, at least the first 12, because after I logged off last night and tried to fall asleep I found myself unable to do so. Usually when something like this happens it’s because I forgot to take some of the meds I need to fall asleep, but I knew I had taken them because I had specifically checked to make sure I had them before taking them that night. so I really don’t know what that was about, but I ended up being up to at least 5 am, that was the last time I checked the clock anyway. I did go on my phone at some points at ended up in a pinterest spiral of looking at different candy recipes, so I now have like 6 different types of candies I want to make right now (like, twix, homemade jolly ranchers, and homemade pop rocks to name a few) so that was slightly good at least. eventually I did fall asleep, and woke up to my 1:30 pm alarm. My original plan for today was to get up at 11 and go vote in the Chicago Mayor’s election today before I had the webinar from the Time’s Up Legal Defense Fund at 2. Since it took me forever to go to sleep I decided to switch it up and vote afterwards, so I woke up in time to get set up for the webinar. It was pretty interesting, about the intersection of disabilities and sexual harassment law, definitely a lot to learn there, this was part 1 so part 2 will be next week. I was also looking at recipes while it was going on (because I like to multitask) and made a short grocery list for the candy recipes. So when the webinar was over at 3:30 I got changed into actual clothes and ran out to go vote. Luckily for me my voting location is literally just across the street from me, and at this time of day it was virtually abandoned, like two other voters in there, so it took me very little time to get set up and into voting. There was a total of 14 candidates running for Mayor (none of which are actually aligned with political parties, they’re all just running on their own platform) which is a tad insane, and there’s been smear ads running on tv for months now about it, along with incessant text messages from different campaigns that are annoying AF. but my decision was based on the fact that there was precisely one candidate who had mentioned juvenile justice reform in any of the ads I saw from anyone, so I voted for her (the fact that she was a WOC and not a white man was also a big plus). So I got out of there in less than 10 minutes total, and walked down the street to the grocery store to get eggs and some random ingredients I needed. They didn’t end up having everything I wanted (I mean, to be fair your typical grocery store probably isn't going to carry non-fat dry milk powder, but I tried) but I got gelatin and heavy cream (for the caramel) and some extra fine sugar (which is not the same thing as powdered sugar) and a few other random things. They only had the jumbo pack of gelatin left that came with 32 packets and was a whopping $15, but given that they didn’t have several other things I wanted I just said fuck it and got it anyway. I’m sure I’ll put it to good use. Checked out and headed home, when I walked in the door kitty was trying to examine the door crack (like where the hinges are) that comes open when the door opens, and when I went to close it I heard a very pained screech, at which point I saw that she’d managed to get one of her paws stuck in the crack, so I had to reopen the door to let her get it out, then of course she darted away and was freaking out and I was just like !!! baby!!! Just let me make sure you’re okay!!! so I chased her down after a few minutes and picked her up, thankfully there was no visible injury on her paws so that was comforting at least. Like ya really gotta scare me like that kitty??? smh. Anyway. I put the groceries away and then started to get set up for the podcast episode we were going to record tonight after having to postpone it from last night. so we did that, I won’t spoil anything but it’s about 30 minutes long and we talk about the casting news as well as some of Batwoman’s appearances in the comics, and overall I think it went pretty well, so I’m pleased that should be coming out soon. After we finished with that I turned on the tv and went to amazon prime where I decided to start their new show “Lorena” that all the true crime groups I’m in on fb have been raving about for weeks now. In case you’re not familiar, it follows the story of Lorena Bobbit, who made international headlines after cutting her husband’s penis off (and not gonna lie, I was a bit of a giggling mess throughout the first episode). But it gets a lot more into how much she was abused and raped by him and just how much of a disgusting shitty person he was, so it’s really interesting. Just before 8 I switched over to actual cable to watch The Gifted season finale. I wasn’t sure how they were going to wrap everything up in one episode, but they actually did a fairly good job with it I’d say. Major spoilers ahead, **YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED** Reed :( god that was so heartbreaking, I was dead. But it was such a self-sacrificial thing he did for the safety of his family and the world at large by taking down Reeva. On the other hand, I was very glad to see Clarice return and not be dead, because I very much like her as a character and was saddened at her apparent death. And yeah, it was a really solid episode that I liked a lot, I like cried at the end when they showed Lorna and Marcos with their baby, like all the tears honestly lol. So I liked that a lot. After that was over I kept the news on because they were talking about the election results coming in. So the deal was in order to win, a candidate had to get more than 50% of the vote, and if nobody got that high, the top two would be in a run-off election at the beginning of April. Now, with 14 candidates, the chances anyone was gonna reach 50% were pretty damn slim. I was happy to see though that the candidate I voted for was in second place and ultimately remained there and got a spot in the run-off election with like 15% of the vote, and the candidate in the lead with 17% of the vote was also a WOC who also happens to be an out lesbian, so that’s pretty awesome. I’ll have to do more thorough research on both of them before the run-off election. So basically I kept that on for the rest of the night and followed it until I decided to get ready for bed, then procrastinated, and now I am here. Amazingly (probably only because I took my meds) I am getting sleepy now, so I’m going to at least attempt to fall asleep, hopefully I’ll have (much) more success than last night, wish me luck. Goodnight dears. Hope you’re having a great week.

[these-flowers-are-toxic]

Episode 1

*adult male voice narrates the beginning* *Camera view is of a boy typing in his room* Adult Narrator: My names Carter, and today’s the day. Today is when I realized not all flowers are exotic and some are toxic..  *girl starts typing, in her room, eating an ice cream sandwich* Adult Narrator: When I was 18 I shared a blog with my best friend. It required a password for anyone to read it, only me and Margo had the password. Together we’d write in it like a diary, sharing our most intimate secrets and mistakes without judgement” *Carter starts reading a post in the diary* *Carter answers Margo’s skype call* Carter: Why are you so stupid, Margo? (jokingly) You don’t have to be anorexic to lose weight  Margo: Why aren’t you so stupid, Carter? (jokingly) Of course, I don’t have to be anorexic says the the stick with no weight problem” Carter: Listen, you’re a healthy weight, and youre eating an ice cream sandwich as we speak, you havent even committed to this yet, why don’t we just start working out.” Margo: Carter, I wrote that I wanted to be anorexic, we write about our secrets and mistakes, and let this just be one of our many secret mistakes. Don’t go limp dick on me now and try changing me, we have this blog so that we can vent and whenever we have any secrets we can accept each other and be with each other every step of the way. Carter: But.. Margo, I don’t want you to feel like that’s what you need to do. I want to make you see otherwise but if you just want me to stand her and support you through thick and thin, then alright.. I guess. Margo: See, there’s my best friend I know and love. *Carters phone rings* Carter: Hey, hold up, really quick, Jack’s calling me. Margo: Ohhhhhhhhhhh la la Carter: Shut up bitch (jokingly) *Margo laughs and hangs up* Jack is shown with a guy beside him, together lying naked. Carter: Hello? Sorry I know you’ve been busy but I missed you, and ever since you’ve been with your family on your golfing trip, I’ve just wanted to talk to you, thanks for calling me back finally. Jack: Listen, I just wanted to call and tell you this so it wasn’t misconstrued, and so that it was clear.. *sighs* Carter: What? Ha.. (nervous laughter) Jack: I don’t want to be with you anymore, I’ve been seeing someone new. And he makes me happier. I’m sorry C. You know you’re always going to be who I call when I’m in a rough spot, and when I have nobody else. Carter: Oh..... Who is he? Jack: It’s Ryan.. Carter: *appalled and shocked* He’s grotesque, how could you leave ME, for him? Jack: Harsh. I just called to let you know, *ryan laughs in the background and says jack doesn’t think so* Jack: Just.. leave me alone, okay? I need space. Carter: YOU need space when we havent spoken in a week, when you were supposed to be out golfing and you with RYAN RIGHT NOW?  Carter: You know what, whatever, hope you’re fucking happy. *Carter hangs up and starts to tear up* *Carter calls Margo* *Margo doesn’t answer, she’s in the shower getting ready* Carter: Damn it, bitch.  *Carter starts typing* Carter types: Well gee, today just fucking sucked. Lol. I don’t know what to do, Jack broke up with me. He’s seeing Ryan. I know we only dated for a couple months but I gave him my virginity.. I was just willing to do anything to make him love me, and I thought it was working. I thought, you know, I was enough? I’ve dated people before. All girls, but Jack was who I came out for. Jack is my first and I’ll never get over this. Never. *Margo calls back later on in the night*  *Carter answers the phone* Carter: Hello..? Margo: Sorry bitch, (jokingly) I was out with this guy, he was cute, but wasn’t cute enough. I had to cut the night short, so I blew him. Carter: Why are you so stupid, Margo? (jokingly) Margo: Why aren’t you so stupid? (jokingly) Carter: Did you read the blog? Margo: No, why? Carter: Jack dumped me. He said Ryan makes him happier..  Margo: Ugh, god, he’s so ugly though. Don’t worry. Carter: I know he is.. that’s why it makes me so upset, I think. It means im uglier than him.. on the inside? Margo: No, no, no. Carter.. Sometimes things just don’t work out. And people just aren’t meant for each other. Don’t let it effect you.. I’m so sorry C. Carter: I just feel so dumb. He said he went golfing and when he finally called him was with Ryan.. how long do you think they’ve been together. Margo: Who cares.. You need to stop overthinking, focus on other things Carter. Carter: Like what? Margo: Graduations coming up soon, right? Carter: But that means nothing to me, I’m graduating with nobody I know. Ever since I moved here, nobody really talks to me. I’m that “gay kid” Margo: That’s because they’re all pricks. Listen, focus on school, okay? Don’t let this hurt you, you deserve to be happy, and you can find plenty of other people that will treat you better than he did. Carter: I guess.. Margo: Listen C, people are like flowers to us. If I had to consider you a flower, you’re the most exotic flower. A lotus, maybe? Jack...? He’s nothing special, he’s the most common dandelion, that you can find anywhere, and doesn’t need your effort to be nourished and grow. Carter: I’m not exotic, but thanks, I guess. I’m going to go to sleep though, I love you, bitch. Margo: Don’t worry about him. He’ll grow one day. You are an exotic flower. We’re exotic bitch (laughs) Goodnight *Next Friday Night* *Carter has Margo in his face, all dressed up in her casual but fashionable outfits* Margo: Wake up, bitch. We’re hanging out with Mikey and I need you to be my cock block Carter: Haha, okay, don’t worry. I just need to get ready, let me take a shower and get dressed. *Margo follows Carter into the bathroom* Margo: So why were you asleep at 6 pm? That’s a little early C. Carter: I just really miss Jack.. I haven’t slept much, and the only time I feel okay is when I sleep and don’t think about him.. Margo: Ugh, shut up, you can get over this, you’re cute, funny, and too good for him. *Carter starts showering* *Margo starts fixing her make up  starts playing love is a battle field by pat benetar on her phone.* *Carter and Margo start singing it* *Scene slides over to Carter getting into Margos car* Margo: So Mikey is throwing a little something together tonight, it wont be big at all. Carter: Okay, who’s gonna be there? Margo: I have no clue, hopefully someone I don’t hate. Carter: Jesus, you don’t think.. Jack will be there, right? Margo: No, they don’t even know each other, stop thinking about him! *Scene slides to them getting out of the car and going into Mikeys house* *Carter and Margo walk in, there’s only 4 people, all mikeys friends, carter isn’t familiar with any of them, but margo greets them like she knows them* Mikey: Hey I thought maybe we could just chillax tonight, maybe find something to get ourselves into. Mikeys friend: How about we smoke already, we’ve waited for them for like an hour already Mikey: Haha, true, how about we pack the bowl. *Mikey packs the bowl, and says marco* Margo: Polo!!! *Carter looks confused* *Mikey laughs and hands the glass pipe to Margo* Carter: What are you doing? Margo: I’m smoking, whats it’s look like, this isn’t my first rodeo? Carter: But.. Margo? You never told me you’ve smoked.  Margo: Yeah, it’s been a few times, try it. Carter: .... why are you so stupid, margo? Margo: Why aren’t you so stupid, c? (with a grin) Carter: Okay.. I’ll try it. I won’t become an addict.. right? Mikeys friends all laugh Mikey: No way man, it’s just weed, you’re good. Margo his the bowl and passes it to carter Margo lights the bowl Margo: Now inhale! *Carter coughs* Carter: It burns, I need water. Margo: Haha how does it feel to be stupid?  Carter: I don’t feel anything yet? Margo: Well go outside and get fresh air and come back in. Carter walks outside Carter starts to feel his knees get a little weak, and his back feel lighter, less stress, and a bit more open to with his body posture  Carter comes back inside Margo: Do you feel anything yet?  Carter: I don’t know Margo flips a light switch, to where only the lava lamps are on everyones still visible When margo flips the light switch, mikeys friend mutes the tv When margo flips the light switch she only mouths words Margo Mouthing: Do you feel anything yet? Mikey mouths: I think he’s feeling it Mikeys friends: all silently laugh Margo flips the light back on, and his friends unmute the tv and she speaks Margo actually speaking: Are you sure you don’t--- *flips the switch and tv goes mute and everyone else* Margo mouthing:---- feel anything yet? *Carters eyes widen and becomes confused* Carter: guys when the light flips off i cant hear anything, it that normal, what’s wrong with me? Margo flips its back on and everyone laughs and reassures carter he’s fine they were just joking with him *Carter sighs in relief, whispering thank god* Carter: When does this feeling go away Margo: When you go to sleep or like in an hour or two, don’t worry bitch, you’re having fun. Mikey and his friends all start playing music and mikey asks to be alone with margo Margo: Sorry, I have to use to bathroom, C, can you come with me? *Narrator, as a gay best friend, theres nothing to hide between me and margo, we would occasionally go to the bathroom together despite the strange looks, it’s just us.* Carter: Yeah I have to pee really bad anyway.