#anyways god blocked me so im texting from another number to say ME WHEN ?

[maybebi47]

"we're filming this the day before we go on holiday, we realized we haven't been on holiday together in years"

we should all kill ourselves

[fumingspice]

kiss me hard before you go

Pairing: Billie Dean Howard x Reader

Angst because someone (not naming any names) *cough* @lilypadscoven is too happy to write angst. Such a strange excuse, i know. Like whose even happy anymore? That’s so 2014, Freya.

Warning: Angsty as shit! I think. Idk im usually a happy person. Mentions of cheating, mentions of smut etc. 

Requests are open!

taglist: @sarahp-stan @jumpoffabridge-t @sarahpaulsonsoftie @definitelynot-a-writer @bottom4delia @delias-bitch-craft @creepingwolfberry @thesapphictimelady @goodeday2u @that-fucking-error @saucy-sapphic @sarahp-stan @winters-witch-bitch @rainbow-hedgehog @pearplate​

You frowned to yourself, flicking through the endless posts on Instagram. It was some godforsaken hour in the morning and no matter how hard you tried or how deeply you tried to ease your restless mind you could not fall asleep. You scrolled on social media endlessly. 

God, what time could it even be? 04.27.

You gave a defeated chuckle. Even time was in on the universe’s cruel joke. She exited Instagram and went to messages. You couldn’t count the number of unsent messages and thrown out speeches you had started and couldn’t bring yourself to finish.

Billie Dean Howard.

The contact had found itself hidden deep in the archives of old messages. You hadn’t contacted her since December when you had walked away. 

Walking away was better that being the one left behind, or so you had tried so hard to tell yourself. In hindsight, the truth was that Billie Dean was going to end up leaving you anyway. Was it courage of conviction or just the simple knowledge that you couldn’t live knowing that the only person you had ever opened your heart to was going to leave you?

What was the last thing she said anyway?

Goodnight :(.

Always with those stupid text faces. Those stupid, adorable text faces. How did she have such a powerful effect on you that you could see Billie’s face in a colon and a bracket? Why hadn’t you blocked her yet? What was left to hold onto other than movie-like memories that had slipped away like the changing of seasons.

You slipped from beneath the covers, Your hair tickled Your shoulders. There was no one beside you for you to reach for in your infinite loneliness anyway. It wasn’t infinite. Why did it feel infinite? Why did you allow one person to waltz into your heart and make you home there? You reached for an unopened bottle of wine and paused. Billie had left this bottle there. You never drank unless it was around Billie. 

“Dom Perignon,” Billie told you. You were never interested in the details of fine wine. All you knew was that the older it was the more people liked it.

“Isn’t that expensive?” The brunette asked, reading the label.

 Billie nodded with a throaty chuckle. “Only the best for my girl. I thought I would save it for a special occasion.”

A special occasion. You chuckled in spite. The occasion in question was supposed Billie’s birthday. A party with many guests. One too many. The house was brimming with sets of both of your friends. You could recall reaching for the same wine all too well before being stopped by your friend’s girlfriend. Erin took you by the wrist and guided you out to the garden. 

“No one’s out here,” you protested. Erin’s face was almost forlorn. 

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

Sorry for what? You snapped out of your confusion. You could see the side of Billie’s body. Pressed against the wall beneath someone else. The anxiety had somehow eased when you watched Billie kiss another, fading into nothing because you knew that there was quite literally nothing that could get even worse than what you were watching.

You pursed her lips. When you imagined these moments, you had always imagined screaming bloody murder. You imagined punching and yelling. You couldn’t move. No tears. Hell, you couldn’t even feel. Erin grabbed your arm and trailed you back, but not before the sight of you, heartbroken in a red dress. had registered in Billie. She barely had time to pull away from her kiss and have the shock of what she was actually doing register. 

It was always a red dress. Red dresses end up in heartbreak. A goddamn blaze in the dark.

Now, you found yourself standing at the window that looked out into the garden. Looking at the spot where you had seen her lover betray every bit of trust that you had. What would have happened if you didn’t see? What if you had seen but Billie didn’t? Would you have said anything? Would Billie have said anything?

It doesn’t matter anyway.

Billie was wine. Aromatic, warm in her stomach. She was a magnificent swirl. She was the impossible to hide stain on your favourite white dress.

Every inch of this house had Billie in its essence. She was inescapable. 

It got even worse when a buzzing noise brought your attention to your phone. “Who the fuck could that be?” you asked yourself. Your heart dropped at the contact.

Billie Dean Howard is calling...

Your world collapsed for a moment as you stared at the phone buzz. Your head told you not to answer, your heart launched for it like a desert oasis. You let it ring a moment too long. You barely managed to blurt out a cracked, “Hello?” when Billie hung up. Presumably giving up.

You bit your lip. Your thumb hovered over the redial button as you fought with yourself. Maybe she’ll call again. That’s a huge maybe. Your finger jolted down unintentionally. Billie picked up on the third ring.

“Y/N?” Her breath hitched. “Y/N, can you hear me?”

You swallowed hard. “I’m here,” you stated flatly, “I can hear you.”

“I didn’t think you’d answer.”

“Honestly,” you replied. You felt no need for warmth. “I don’t think I meant to.”

“Oh. Uhm, how- how are you?”

“What do you want, Billie? It’s five in the morning,” You cut off. You could hear Billie’s breath falter a little.

“To be honest, I just wanted to see if you would pick up.”

You shook your head, cursing how well you knew the medium. “Don’t lie to me, Howard.”

Billie chuckled. “How can you tell?”

“You were the medium, but I was the human lie detector.”

“You’re a lawyer with an Irish mother and Scilian father. It would be more shocking if you weren’t one.”

You smiled, before catching yourself in an eyeroll. “Don’t change the subject.”

“I’m in town. I wanted to see you.”

“It’s five in the fucking morning.”

“You’re telling me that I actually woke you up? You were sleeping when I called?”

You bit your lip. “Yes.”

Billie chuckled again. Like it was a fucking game to her. “Well, now who’s lying?”

“What do you want, Billie?” You scoffed.

“I already told you. I want to see you.”

The audacity of the last sentence. The fact that you knew Billie Dean would come whether or not she was invited boiled your blood.

“Why.” It was more of a flat remark than a genuine question. Why. Why now.

Billie was silent for a moment. “I just want to see your face.”

Your groaned internally, another eyeroll coming into play. You scoffed. “You know the address. Find your own way over.”

And she did. The door knocked almost immediately.

You opened the door so quickly that it creaked aggressively.

“You have some fucking nerve. You know that right?” You snapped. The medium’s eyes widened in shock.

“Nice to see you too.”

You stepped aside and ushered her in, cold from the whipping air. Refreshing if you weren’t standing in shorts and a cardigan.

Billie turned around to face her. Tension grew, like insulation keeping everything in. You could choke on all the words you never said. 

“You look beautiful.”

“Je vais te tuer avec mes mains nues et dormir comme un bébé après.”

“I’m flattered.”

You groaned and walked away from her and into the kitchen. You didn’t know if you would slap her, kill her, or kiss her. You were just as prepared to strangle her as you were to fuck her hard on the kitchen floor then and there, kissing every single freckle and mole on her skin. “You have three minutes,” You muttered, pouring yourself a cup of coffee to stop yourself from looking in Billie’s direction. Your heart raced at a thousand miles a second.

“I just dropped in to say hi.”

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

You were unamused. “Is that it? Are you going get out of my life again?”

Billie frowned. “Am I? Y/N, you left me.”

“Because you fucking cheated on me, Billie Dean! What? Did you want me to pretend I didn’t see it? Pretend nothing happened? Do you want me to pretend that you didn’t rebuild my ability to trust people just so you could knock it down yourself?” You shouted. The words were coming out thick and fast now apparently.

“I was so drunk, Y/N,” Billie whimpered, her eyebrows furrowed. She was in genuine pain, you could see the guilt right in her brown eyes.

And you couldn’t give a shit.

“I’ve heard this a hundred times.”

“How many times do I have to say sorry for this?”

You raised your mug to your lips. “You can say it until I’m dead.”

You met the medium’s gaze. Brown eyes waterlogged with tears. Billie dipped her face in her hands. “I don’t know if I can go through with this again.”

You snapped again. “Good,” you said. “Because I’m done.”

“You can’t be serious.”

The pair met, closer than you had in months.

“No matter what stupid, thoughtless, selfish, idiotic, drunken things you said or did. No matter how many times. I have never stopped loving you. I’ve never fallen out of love no matter how many times I told myself I had. I haven’t gone to sleep without imaging your goddamn mouth on my lips and hands on my body and I fucking crave to hate you for it,” you spat, venom on you tongue and tears spilled down your face. “I don’t sleep, Billie. I don’t sleep because I know your arms aren’t there to hold me when I’m still awake at four in the morning. Because I can’t reach across the bed no matter how angry I am at you and feel your hair. I fucking love you goddammit. You threw that away. Not me.”

 Tears streamed down Billie’s face. “I regret what I did every. Single. Fucking. Day. I miss coming home and seeing you writing those stupid fucking reports that I know you hate writing because I know you hate your job. I miss seeing your face when you’ve won a case that has been scratching you for weeks,” she inched forward once more, her hands close to Mallorie’s face. “I miss seeing you reorganising the goddamn silverware every few weeks to keep the Fair Folk happy in the same way I miss seeing the way your mouth curls when you come.”

 You scanned Billie Dean, searching despreately for a bluff, something that would give way to the fact that this was all a lie; a gimmick for a one night stand so that you could just shut her out and go back to hating her. Hating the person you love is so much easier than having your heartbroken again. You couldn’t find that bluff. Even your gut-instinct that panged you when someone lied to you wasn’t alerting anything. Billie’s words were as genuine as her tears and it was killing you to see that Billie loved you. The lawyer had hoped- prayed even- that the medium’s words had been bullshit, sweet nothings that could be whispered into the ear of any lover that had fallen into her bed. But you weren’t just a one time fling that had walked into a casual meet. You had walked into her long-term girlfriend with her tongue down another’s throat. You had stashed that little red box with a diamond engagement ring inside even further into the closet that night, and that’s what had hurt you.

A raw truth in her words soaked into you. Refreshed you. They were the words that the ocean screamed back at you when you stood on the cliffside begging for a reason to go on.

And so you gave in. Almost, at least. You stepped forward into Billie and allowed her storm to engulf you. There was no calm here. There was a raging appetite for destruction and creation. What was that lyric? A tornado has met a volcano. Her lips ravaged yours to the point of being rubbed raw, the type of sting that bothered virtually every moment of your waking day, one that went on for days. You bit down on her lips, her tongue, her chin and cheek. Whether in was in spite or the desperation to seek and find every single piece of her that you could was unclear. 

Those fateful memories crept back, and you pushed hard against her chest. Billie’s lips, now red, white and swollen, pressed against yours again, retracting when there was no return.

“I’m sorry,” you lied. “I think there’s a possibility that I don’t love you.”

Billie’s eyes resembled a broken mirror, or maybe the view of a dying star. The thing about dying stars is that they died a very long time ago and you only notice years later. She nodded with a weak smile. “I understand,” she whispered, pressing her head against yours. She picked up her bag and turned to leave.

You stopped her. What on Earth were you doing? Let her leave so you can hate her in peace.

“Kiss me. Before you go,” you pleaded. “Hard.”

Billie shook her head, her face scrunched before throwing her face at you. The force drove you into the counter sending a glorious shock of pain up your back. Billie was doing what you had asked.

“Fuck you,” you pulled away and muttered, as if she had gonr too far in teasing you.

“What did I do?”

You raised your hand and slapped her face, lightly. “Fuck you for proving that I still love you.”

A rush of relief knocked Billie, visibly. She returned to your lips, much more gently this time, as if she were savouring every part of you.

“I told you to kiss me hard,” you whispered, although not necessarily opposed to Billie’s touch.

“I’ll do anything you really want,” she replied.

You paused for a moment. “Anything?”

Billie smiled. “Anything.”

You kissed her once. Soft. Tentatively. “Fuck me. On the table.” 

[qitwrites]

a numbers game 

Fandom: BNHA 

Pairing: Kiribaku 

(AO3) 

Bakugou knows his personality and general rage-filled disposition towards everything, in general, isn’t winning him any favours, but the texts have made him contemplate just how shitty he must’ve been in a past life to deserve a fate like this.

Because no one - and Bakugou knows such assholes as Monoma - but no one deserves to be on the receiving end of unsolicited dick pics. From random numbers. At all times of the day. For the last 3ish months.

“I am going to throw my phone out the fucking window, I swear on all that is good and pure, fucking bull-“

“More dick pics?” Camie interrupts with a wide grin, plucking the phone out of Bakugou’s hand.

“What the fuck else?” Bakugou snaps, trying to pull his phone back in vain. Camie holds it just out of reach, eyeing the disgusting penis with a critical stare.

"Hmm,” she says, passing the phone back to him before taking a sip of her terrible grass juice that smells like a badly mowed golf course, “the lighting is bad and he hasn’t done like, any grooming at all. 3/10.”

“You’re being generous,” Bakugou huffs, deleting the picture immediately and swallowing the still raging urge to fling his phone at the nearest wall. “It’s unsolicited. And his fingernails are fucking filthy. -100/10.”

Camie rolls her eyes. “You’re being dramatic again Kitkat.”

Bakugou counts to 10 in his head, tries to find that last shred of patience he knows is somewhere deep in his dark pit of a soul and breathes out in a rush.

“I need to fucking figure this out before I actually lose it and track down one of these fuckers and choke the life out of them.”

Because here’s the thing- Bakugou has been receiving dick pics and dirty text messages like hi bby want sex? and imma dick you down gud boo – he’s positively swooning, what a lovely way to be wooed – and he has no idea how to stop it. Yes, he could cancel his number and get a new one, but all of his bank details are linked to this one. He’s had it since he first got a phone in middle school, and now all of his documents are attached to the damn thing. The very idea of going to the banks and the DMV and every other stupid establishment to get it changed makes him grimace hard enough that he decides to bear with it.

Except, every time he receives one of these horrible pictures, his urge to blow up the phone, nay, the entire world, simmers at dangerous levels.

“Cool it kitkat,” Camie croons, giving his forearm a squeeze, “you’re making your homicidal face. That cannot be good for wrinkles.”

“Like I give a fuck,” Bakugou grunts, flinging his phone away carelessly and watching it skitter around on the kitchen counter before halting dangerously close to the edge. “I just want it to stop.”

Camie puts her atrocity for a drink down and pulls the fridge open, rummaging around as she says, “I have a theory about all this.” She pulls out a jar of jalapenos and places it in front of Bakugou. The blonde yanks a fork out of the admittedly cute utensil bucket in the middle of their counter before snapping the lid off and spearing a good 3 pieces in one go. He chews on them slowly and directs a raised brow at Camie.

“Well,” she muses, picking her drink back up, “as a woman that receives a LOT of numbers from guys and gals and non-binary folks alike-“ Bakugou makes it a point to roll his eyes hard enough to knock his head back; Camie’s laughter is loud and boisterous “- I have a tactic for when I don’t know how to say no and don’t want to give my digits.”

Bakugou has another forkful of jalapenos in his mouth when he narrows his eyes at her.

Camie shrugs, “I usually change the very last digit of my number. Works like a charm. I never meet the person again, and they can’t contact me. Win-win.”

“Win-win my ass,” Bakugou seethes. “Do I look like I’m winning right now? I am this fucking close to killing someone, because of stupid tactics like yours.”

Camie finishes the last of her drink, and speaks around her straw, “You say that, but do you know how many people, and especially dudes, don’t take no for an answer? The only reason I give out any digits at all is when I can’t guarantee my safety. I know it’s not like, the perfect solution or anything, but I’m giving you facts right now.”

And Bakugou does, in fact, know that. He’s met those pushy assholes- people that don’t back down, people that don’t take no at face value, people that push and prod and get up in his space. It pisses him off to absolutely no end.

“Whatever,” he concedes. He spears another forkful of jalapenos before grumbling, “So, what the fuck do I do?”

Camie grins, minx like. “Why don’t you text the number one ahead and one behind your own and ask? I mean, in the best-case scenario you figure it out and get it all to stop, in the worst case, you get to yell at like random people. Isn’t that your second favourite pastime, right after yelling at that pigeon outside our balcony, the one with an agenda?”

“Don’t talk about that fucking pigeon,” Bakugou fumes, “fucking piece of shit bird and those dark, robotic eyes. Something is up with that; you can’t convince me otherwise.” He mulls over the rest of her suggestion before relenting, “Well, I guess I could spare a moment to yell at the fucking extras giving out my number to perverts with no manners and gross penises.”

“I find it so funny when you say the word manners,” Camie says as she walks to her room, “It’s almost like you know what it means!”

She isn’t even looking at him, but she manages to dodge the jalapeno that sails at her head. It hits the wall with a sick squelch, and when Bakugou hears Camie’s door shut, he drops his head on the counter with a loud, resounding thunk and muffles a scream into the marble.

  He forgets to send out those texts, and when he receives yet another picture, not three days later, of someone holding their disgusting penis in their hand, like it’s an accomplishment or some shit, he sends out a text message to two different numbers typed with shaky, sweaty fingers.

>> xxx-xxx-xxx6 , xxx-xxx-xxx4

I don’t know who the fuck you are, and you don’t know me, but it’s possible that one of you assholes gives out my number to random people who, in turn, send me fucking dick pics. It’s been over 3 fucking months, so knock it the actual fuck off. And in case it isn’t you, fuck you anyway.

  Bakugou wakes up from a restless sleep to sunlight sloping in through the blinds of his room, a dry mouth, and three new text messages from an unknown number.

Because his brain takes time to boot up in the mornings, he foregoes the phone entirely and makes his way to the kitchen in search of caffeine. Camie is always up before him, and he gratefully pours himself a mug of her insanely strong black coffee, the kind to palpitate your heart and make you vibrate in your seat. She calls it jet fuel, Inasa calls it death, Todoroki just blinks.

When he’s half a mug down, he finally retrieves his phone from his room and takes a seat in the balcony, surrounded by plants of all kinds. The sun is bright but not harsh, and he takes a second to enjoy it before opening his messages.

He doesn’t even recall sending the messages last night, and for a moment he’s enraged at the idea that someone sent him even more dick pics, but there’s no photos waiting for him, just three messages.

xxx-xxx-xxx4 omg omg OMG I didn’t think anyone actually used this number im sorry D:

xxx-xxx-xxx4 no really im so so sorry holy shit I was just following this idea that my friend gave me cause im terrible at turning people down but I didn’t realize they were messaging an actual other person OMG

xxx-xxx-xxx4 ofc I wont be giving your number out anymore im just so sorry bro, god, this is so damn UNMANLY of me

At least the person has the decency to sound apologetic. Not that it tempers Bakugou in any way, shape or form, but he takes note of it somewhere in the distant recesses of his mind.

Bakugou you better not give it out anymore fuckmunch. I should sue your ass for putting me under so much psychological distress.

The guy replies startlingly quickly. Bakugou opens the message with a quirked brow.

xxx-xxx-xxx4 shit can you actually do that?

Bakugou has no idea, but the key to selling anything is confidence, and he’s got enough to spare.

Bakugou try me

xxx-xxx-xxx4 IM REALLY REALLY SORRY OK TRULY D:

xxx-xxx-xxx4 and not just cuz you might sue me or anything, it was a terrible move on my part :’(

xxx-xxx-xxx4 can I make it up to you somehow??

Bakugou huffs, deflating a little. He’s angry yes, positively incensed for the most part, but the guy sounds genuinely sorry, and he’s finding it increasingly difficult to stay mad at someone that’s just being so damn decent and taking full responsibility.

Bakugou I don’t fucking know.

Bakugou just stop giving out my no.

Bakugou I swear to god if I get ONE MORE NUDE

Bakugou I will find you

xxx-xxx-xxx4 you don’t have to find me ill come to you

xxx-xxx-xxx4 cuz ill def deserve it at that point

xxx-xxx-xxx4 anyway, im sorry again. really ☹

xxx-xxx-xxx4 I gotta get some sleep, so tell me later about how I can make it up to you!!!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 goodnight

Bakugou checks the clock at the top left corner of his phone screen. It reads 8:31am.

What the fuck does this guy do for work anyway? And does Bakugou care?

He decides no, he doesn’t, because he’s really too busy to care about anything, especially assholes that hand out his number to horny strangers because they’re too chickenshit to say no.

He nods at his own conclusion, downs the rest of his death-in-a-cup, and walks back inside, ready to start another long day of work. Bakugou gives himself an hour before he puts this all behind him, fully forgotten and finally taken care of.

  Why the fuck haven’t I blocked this fucker yet, is the first thing Bakugou thinks when he gets more texts from them.

xxx-xxx-xxx4 heyyo!!!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 did you think of anything????? How can I make it up to you??

Bakugou stop texting me, that’ll be a great start

xxx-xxx-xxx4 I will as soon as u tell me how to make it up to you!!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 I was being so unmanly and cowardly, I need to fix it!!

Bakugou good for fucking you, leave me alone

xxx-xxx-xxx4 y don’t you keep thinking abt it and lemme know !!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 if it helps, I can hook u up with some free drinks!! I co-own and bartend at a place downtown!!!!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 just think abt it

xxx-xxx-xxx4 I gotta get back to work, talk soon!

Bakugou stop texting me dammit

Bakugou isn’t a naïve person, but he somehow convinces himself that this will be the end of things.

  It is, predictably, not the end of things.

xxx-xxx-xxx4 I just realized I didn’t give u my name

xxx-xxx-xxx4 Kirishima eijirou!!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 and you are?

Bakugou blocking you

xxx-xxx-xxx4 aww come on man, don’t be like tht ☹

xxx-xxx-xxx4 wait, r u a man?????

xxx-xxx-xxx4 PLEASE AT LEAST TELL ME THAT I DON’T WANT TO MISGENDER U OMG

Bakugou can you calm the fuck down holy shit

Bakugou yes I’m a dude, you’re fucking fine dumbass

xxx-xxx-xxx4 oh phew!!!!!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 ok my dude

xxx-xxx-xxx4 please come down to the bar??????

xxx-xxx-xxx4 do you actually drink though?? If you don’t we still have great mocktails

xxx-xxx-xxx4 and I can whip up some awesome protein shakes

xxx-xxx-xxx4 ohhh and our food is bomb,,, I promise

Bakugou do you ever just stop talking

xxx-xxx-xxx4 NOPE :D

Bakugou Not a compliment

xxx-xxx-xxx4 what can I say

xxx-xxx-xxx4 im an opportunist

Bakugou you’re telling me

Bakugou fucker

xxx-xxx-xxx4 IM STILL SO SORRY

xxx-xxx-xxx4 PLEASE COME TO THE BAR LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU

xxx-xxx-xxx4 actions speak hella louder than words

xxx-xxx-xxx4 I must action you

Bakugou what the fuck 

xxx-xxx-xxx4 you get what I mean!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 <location> this is the place

xxx-xxx-xxx4 its name is RIOT, u cant miss it

xxx-xxx-xxx4 just lemme know when u can make it

Bakugou I haven’t agreed to shit asshole

Bakugou stop assuming things

xxx-xxx-xxx4 free food, free drinks, free live performance of whatever band’s performing

Bakugou …………………

Bakugou I’ll think about it

xxx-xxx-xxx4 HELL YEAH

xxx-xxx-xxx4 whats your name btw?

Bakugou like id tell you

xxx-xxx-xxx4 I need it for the reservation!!!!

xxx-xxx-xxx4 so that I don’t accidentally serve the wrong gentleman all your free perks

Bakugou didn’t say im coming yet

xxx-xxx-xxx4 im super optimistic

Bakugou I can tell, you’re giving me a headache

xxx-xxx-xxx4 so………… name?

Bakugou no

xxx-xxx-xxx4 I’ll get it out of you eventually

Bakugou try me

Bakugou fucker

If Bakugou finds himself smiling at the end of the exchange, well, that’s his business.

  “So, you finally figured out who was responsible for the penis pictures?” Todoroki deadpans around his cosmo.

“That’s wonderful Bakugou!” Inasa booms, slamming his beer down on the counter with gusto. Bakugou throws a spoon at him.

“Shut it Baldy,” he grunts, going back to chopping veggies. “And yes, I did, but now this fucker won’t stop texting me, insisting on making it up to me or some shit.”

“And this is a bad thing?” Todoroki summarizes slowly. Bakugou turns around in time to see him mouth why to Inasa before taking another generous sip of his drink. Inasa shrugs his stupidly large shoulders before asking, “Why is that a bad thing?”

Bakugou throws another spoon at him. “Because, I texted them so I could stop people from texting me. Now this person’s volunteering information to me about being a bartender and shit and constantly apologizing and it’s fucking annoying.”

“You know what’s interesting?” Camie muses, stirring her bloody mary with a long ass celery stick. “You’re getting all these text messages from this bartender, and you can like, so easily block this one number and be done with it, but you like, keeping responding. And keep, you know, not blocking.”

He can’t see it, but he knows Todoroki is nodding, the fucker.

“That is a good observation!” Inasa booms again, and Bakugou has to resist the urge to fling his entire cutlery set at the man’s thick skull. “Do you like this person Bakugou?”

“What’s there to like, I don’t even fucking know him!”

“Well,” Camie starts, takes a bite out of the celery stick, continues, “he’s well-mannered. Clearly good looking, because you got a LOT of penis pictures these past three months, and that also leads us to believe the business is doing really well, if so many patrons come in begging for a number. All good things, don’t you think?”

“I hate you,” Bakugou says, stirring the curry with barely repressed rage. “I hate all of you. I hate humanity. Fuck people.”

“Or fuck this person in specific,” Camie says gleefully. “You haven’t gotten laid in like 8 months boo, you need to get some.”

“You’re the actual fucking worst.”

“In all seriousness,” Todoroki interrupts, putting his empty glass down delicately, “why haven’t you blocked the number? It seems like an easy enough solution.” The asshole has the audacity to sound genuinely curious, if not slightly amused.

Bakugou hates everything.

“I don’t, I don’t fucking know, ok?” He finally admits through clenched teeth. The blonde kills the heat and places the curry on the counter while Camie brings out the rice and some pickled vegetables from the fridge. She pulls out a beer and twists the cap off before handing it to Bakugou, who snatches it away and takes a quick swig before continuing, “He’s actually kinda nice to me, I guess. And I like watching him be so sorry about all those penises. I may have also mentioned suing him for psychological distress.” Bakugou catches Todoroki’s gaze. “Can I do that?”

Todoroki hums, “You can try, but I don’t think you’ve got that solid a case. Plus, haven’t you deleted virtually all the evidence?”

Bakugou grips the neck of his beer bottle harder. “I fucking hate everything.”

  bartender asshole <image attached>

Bakugou what the fuck

Bakugou why are you sending me cat pics?

Bakugou also that cat is stupidly cute

bartender asshole I know right?????

bartender asshole her name is ruby

bartender asshole and id die for her

bartender asshole i just figured ud be a cat person

Bakugou ………….

Bakugou I hate u

bartender asshole :D :D :D

Bakugou ugh

Bakugou Bakugou Katsuki

bartender asshole :D :D :D :D :D

bartender asshole HI BAKUGOU SO NICE TO KNOW UR NAME

Bakugou I hate everything

bartender asshole except ruby. Its not allowed

Bakugou …………………………………

Bakugou except ruby

bartender asshole :D :D :D :D :D

  Kirishima, it turns out, is a ray of fucking sunshine. Bakugou has a distinct feeling that looking at him directly would be a blinding experience.

Not that he knows who to look for though; he has no idea what this guy looks like. He guesses that he’s buff, with all the times he tells Bakugou about the gym showers running out of hot water and beating his best weights doing bench presses, but he knows nothing else.

He does know that he’s sweet as fuck, making it impossible for Bakugou to stay mad at him. He doesn’t blink at Bakugou’s cussing, and he sends him cute pictures of Ruby.

There is a part of him, small but steadily growing, that wants to meet this stupidly nice bartender.

Bakugou hates everything.

  dumbass bartender so what do you do???

Bakugou front-end development and web design

dumbass bartender oh damn!!!

dumbass bartender so youre like smart smart

Bakugou obviously

dumbass bartender have I seen your work anywhere??

Bakugou I recently redid the website of that protein powder company you don’t shut up about

dumbass bartender ????????????????????

dumbass bartender that’s amazing!!!!!!!!!

dumbass bartender I just revisited the website, it looks so cool

Bakugou duh

Bakugou im the best

dumbass bartender I don’t doubt that!!! :D :D

Bakugou don’t you have work?

dumbass bartender aww bakubro are you looking out for me <3 <3

Bakugou call me that again and I will fucking end you

dumbass bartender before the free drinks??? That you are yet to redeem? ?? at my wonderful establishment?????????? :D :D :D

Bakugou I hate everything.

dumbass bartender D:

Bakugou except RUBY DAMMIT

dumbass bartender :D

  “Just to recap,” Kaminari says with an incredulous look in his eyes, “this guy cusses like a sailor, is constantly insulting you, never initiates conversation, and you still like him?”

Kirishima’s answering grin is bashful. “I mean, when you put it like that it sounds not so great, but he’s really not that bad! He’s super funny and confident, and he LOVES Ruby. Plus, I don’t like him like that, I just think he’s cool.” Kirishima picks up another glass from the washer and starts carefully drying it with his dishcloth before saying, “And, you know, I did put him through a lot by giving out his number. His behaviour is kinda warranted if you ask me.”

“I mean, in the beginning maybe, but haven’t you guys been texting for over a week now?”

“Denki, are you forgetting that giving out another number was your idea?” Kirishima mutters, narrowing his eyes at his best friend. “I’m in this mess because of you.”

Kaminari suddenly seems to find the glass in his hand a lot more interesting. Kirishima’s laugh echoes around the empty bar.

‘What’s so funny?” Ashido muses, bringing a crate of bottled beer behind the counter.

“Kirishima is going gaga over angry dick pic man.”

“I’m not going gaga, what the heck-“

“I think it’s cute,” Ashido says with a big smile. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you actually be interested in somebody; it’s really cute!”

“I don’t like him like that,” Kirishima stresses, though his cheeks are a little warm. He can blame that on the lack of air conditioning, he thinks. 

“We talking about angry dick pic man?” Sero asks with a shit-eating grin. “10 bucks say he’s actually a middle-aged guy with a cheese fetish.”

“That’s so random-“

“You’re on!” Ashido yells, slapping her hand into Sero’s. “I think he’ll be a hottie.”

“He hasn’t even said he’ll come,” Kirishima says, eyes downcast.

“He’ll come,” the three chorus, going about doing their tasks. Kirishima shakes his head fondly and finishes up with the glasses. Just as he’s put all the shot glasses away, he feels his phone vibrate.

Bakubro just finished a massive project

Bakubro could use a drink this weekend

Bakubro know any good spots?

Kirishima’s face breaks into the biggest smile as he rushes to answer.

Kirishima I know a bar that serves free drinks with your name on it!!!!

Kirishima amazing food, dope music, the bestest drinks

Kirishima ive heard the bartender is a great guy too

Bakubro way to toot your own fucking horn damn

Kirishima :DDDDD

Kirishima bt seriously

Kirishima please? ???? ??

Kirishima PLEASEEEEEEEEE??????????????????

Bakubro ugh

Bakubro fine.

Bakubro Friday night at 8

Kirishima looks up from the screen and calls out, “Denki!”

“Yeah?”

“Switch shifts with me, I’ll do Friday.”

“Um, ok, why though?”

Kirishima doesn’t respond, just goes back to texting, his heart thudding in his ribcage.

Kirishima YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Kirishima cant wait :D

Bakubro I’m bringing my stupid friends btw

Kirishima wait

Kirishima you have friends???????

Bakubro I am going to end you

Bakubro you know what? Fuck you im not coming

Kirishima BAKUGOU NO

Kirishima IM SORRY OFC U HAVE FRNDS

Kirishima please come

Kirishima how big a table should I reserve????

Bakubro don’t bother

Kirishima IM SORRRYYYYYYYYYY

Kirishima <image attached> <image attached> <image attached>

Bakubro bastard

Bakubro you playing dirty by sending me pics of Ruby

Kirishima need to weaken your guard somehow

Kirishima pls tell me it worked

Bakubro ugh

Bakubro ill be there

Bakubro reserve a table for 4

Bakubro your stupid bar better be worth it

Kirishima I promise it will be!!!!

Kirishima whoops in joy, slipping his phone back into his pocket. He looks up to see three sets of eyes looking at him with varying degrees of amusement.

“You get a really mushy look on your face when you’re texting him, it’s almost gross,” Sero points out with a laugh.

“Hush you,” Ashido admonishes, whipping her dishcloth at him. She walks over to Kirishima and gives him a big hug. “I think it’s very, very precious.”

“What did he say?”

“He’s coming this Friday!” Kirishima beams, holding Ashido closer against his side.

The three giggle.

“10 bucks say Kirishima messes up the drinks at least once.”

“HEY!”

Ashido squeezes around his middle. “Hon, I love you, but I’m not dumb enough to go against that.”

“HEY!”

They end up laughing and fibbing at each other for the rest of the prep time, and Kirishima feels his heart absolutely soar.

  Friday brings with it crunch time, running lines and lines of code, having a mini-breakdown because the stupid text block keeps floating around on the webpage like it’s in outer fucking space, being forced into one of Camie’s ridiculous vlogs and having an existential crisis about what to wear on a non-date get-together with the guy that ruined Bakugou’s life for close to three months.

Camie spends most of the day laughing at him. Bakugou throws more condiments at her.

“Fucking help me at least, you useless wench,” Bakugou growls, shifting to clothes as he throws a pair of jeans at her. Camie dances out of the way and doubles over, laughing till she tears up from the force of it all.

“I can’t, I just can’t,” she wheezes. “Did you just say wench? What era are you from babe?”

“FUCK OFF,” he roars, leaping towards her. Camie shrieks and ducks away, making a beeline towards his closet.

“Ok, ok, let’s get you dressed! What kinda look are you trying for?”

“Fuck if I know,” he grouses, feeling oddly out of his depth. He wants to look good, but he has no idea for what.

That’s a lie, he knows why. He just won’t admit it.

“Well, why don’t we pick something simple but flattering? Plus, if it's in your style, you’re bound to be more comfy.��� Camie pulls out a pair of black jeans that are ripped at the knees, a black fitted round-neck tee shirt, and some black boots. While he’s changing, Camie pulls out a silver chain, some bands for his wrists and a collection of rings.

“Do you want me to do your eyes?” she offers, holding up some mascara and an eye pencil. Bakugou shrugs and sits on the edge of his bed. Camie’s smile is soft as she stands between his thighs, gently but efficiently applying his make-up. When she’s done, he walks over to the mirror to look at himself, and he has to admit- he looks good. Always one to take care of his body and his figure, Bakugou is lean muscle packed into a 5’10” body. His blonde hair is as messy as ever, but the combination of his make-up, the accessories and his clothes give him an edgy look like no other. Camie throws a dark fitted jacket at him before sauntering over to her own room.

He continues to reply to some work emails when his phone buzzes.

dumbass cant wait to see you!!!

dumbass just ask for me at the bar

dumbass or I might be the one to greet you!! :D :D

Bakugou I know dumbass

Bakugou what, are you nervous or some shit?

dumbass I mean, kinda????

dumbass it’s our first time meeting afterall

dumbass I don’t even know wat you look like!!!!

Bakugou blonde wearing all black

dumbass redhead wearing a shirt with the riot logo!

Bakugou whatever

Bakugou ill be there at 8

Dumbass cant wait <33333

Bakugou dumbass

Bakugou scoffs, his own nerves calming at the thought that he’s not the only one that’s a bit out of sorts. It’s nice to know that sunshine Kirishima is jittery about all this.

Also, interesting to know that he’s a redhead. Bakugou can’t quite imagine it, but in a few minutes, he won't need to.

His stomach roils with anticipation, and Bakugou hates every single thing.

Camie pops out of her room at half-past 7 in a maroon romper that cuts above her mid-thigh, hair done in a loose bun, makeup absolutely perfect. Her heels put her at a height taller than Bakugou, but he’s gotten used to being the shortest in their stupid posse. Doesn’t piss him off any less though.

She gets a phone call just as she pushes a tube of lip gloss into her purse.

“We are downstairs!” Inasa’s voice rings through her speaker, stupidly loud.

“Can it, baldy,” Bakugou grunts with a roll of his eyes, “we’ll be there in a sec.”

“See ya!”

Before Bakugou can usher Camie out the door, she pushes her clutch into his hands and walks over to the kitchen cabinet, pulling out two shot glasses and a bottle of tequila.

“Wha-“

“Liquid courage, my dude,” she says, pouring two generous shots and pushing one at Bakugou. She picks her own glass up and gives him a devilish smirk, “Bottoms up bitch!”

Bakugou picks the glass up with a resigned sigh but smirks back equally devilish. They cheers, smack the glasses against the counter and drain them smoothly. Camie puts the glasses in the sink, places a smacking kiss on Bakugou’s cheek and laughs brightly as she dances out of the way of his rage.

They finally load up in Inasa’s range rover, Todoroki plays classical Japanese music over the speakers and Bakugou regrets everything.

  Riot is apparently something of a beloved establishment in its neighbourhood, and Bakugou growls when he sees how long the line leading to the bar is.

“Holy moly, that’s a lot of people!” Camie points out helpfully as she disembarks from the car.

Todoroki straightens his two-tone denim jacket and runs a hand through his hair as he says, “We have a reservation, so I think it’ll be fine?”

“Yes, I agree with you Todoroki,” Inasa beams, locking the car behind him as they walk towards the building. The outside is made of exposed brick and neon lights, and the RIOT sign is a deep red colour, eye-catching and beautiful.

They bypass the people in the line and walk up to the bouncer, who eyes them warily. He’s built like an absolute tank, broad and block-like, and his silver hair shines in the artificial light.

“Can I help you?”

“Bakugou, table for 4,” Camie says cheerily. The bouncer looks immediately enamoured with her before his eyes go wide.

“Wait, Eijirou’s Bakugou?”

Bakugou’s ears burn at that.

“I’m not fucking anybody’s!” he snaps. The bouncer immediately looks at him, and his face breaks into an even wider grin.

“Well, I’ll be damned! Can I see some ID real quick?”

Bakugou cusses colourfully under his breath but pulls out his license, and after a quick check, the bouncer, whose name is Tetsutetsu, steps aside to let them in.

“Have a good time!” he says happily, almost too happily. Bakugou feels his hackles rise.

“What the fuck?”

“It appears that Kirishima talks about you at least as much as you talk about him,” Todoroki observes, walking next to Bakugou.

“I don’t talk about him, fuck you!”

Todoroki’s delicately raised brow makes him want to punch something. Or someone. Preferably both.

“Fuck you all,” he reiterates before stomping inside.

Now, Bakugou is a relatively creative soul – his job kinda demands it – so it’s not his fault that he’s actually quite captivated by the interiors of this stupidly popular bar co-owned by a stupidly nice person.

The inside has exposed brick as well, and most of the furniture seems to be retro. There are large pipes and barrels behind the bar, made of what seems to be pure copper. Black marble covers the bar tops, and the lights are a mix of neon and muted whites, bright enough to see but still bathing the room in an alluring aura. There’s music thumping through the speakers, loud enough to dispel any silence but still at a bearable volume.

“Swanky,” Camie whistles, taking it all in.

Bakugou nods begrudgingly before setting his eyes on the bar.

“I’ll go get us a fucking table,” he mutters before walking over, hands digging deep into his pant pockets. He sees a lanky black-haired guy and a girl with tan skin and pink hair behind the bar, talking animatedly with the patrons as they serve them drinks at a dizzying pace.

When he finally gets a spot at the counter, the pink-haired girl finishes up with a customer and bounds over to him.

“Hi,” she greets, smile wide and happy, “haven’t seen you around before! What can I get you?”

“Kirishima,” Bakugou says because apparently, his brain to mouth filter has decided to abandon him in his time of need. The girl tilts her head in confusion and Bakugou feels the life drain out of him.

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m fuckin here because of dumbass Kirishima,” Bakugou barely grits out, fingers digging into his palms painfully. “The name is Bakugou, table for 4?”

He sees it all in slow-mo- the way her mouth goes slack, the way her eyes light up like firecrackers on New Year’s, and then the way her smile becomes positively blinding. He hates her already.

“Holy shit,” she breathes, “of course! So glad you’re here! Oye, Sero?”

“What?” the black-haired guy says without looking, topping up a perfectly poured glass of beer.

“You owe me 10 bucks.”

This gets his attention- he hands the drink off and looks at her, “Why would I-“

The girl just gestures at Bakugou and winks, “It’s him.”

Sero – or plain face, Bakugou’s brain helpfully supplies – immediately looks at him, his eyes widening. “Shit, seriously? Aw, man.” His smile becomes mischievous. “I’ll get Kirishima.” He opens the door behind the bar and disappears.

“What the fuck was that?” Bakugou snaps, beyond irritated to be so out of the loop.

“Nothing, nothing,” Pinky sings, raising her hands in a placating gesture. “Kirishima will show your party to your table. Do you want anything in the meantime?”

“… a beer,” Bakugou concedes because he’s not dumb enough to not get a drink before he sees Kirishima if he can help it.

“Coming right up!”

He waits at the bar, watching as his group of dumbasses ooh and ahh at the place, looking delighted. A bottle of cold beer hits the counter with a satisfying thunk, bringing his attention back to the bartop.

“Enjoy!” Pinky still has a stupid smile on her face but before Bakugou can say anything, the door behind her is thrown open and plain face steps out.

“The restocking can wait, literally the only thing you’ve talked about for the last 3 days is finally happening.”

The guy following him is all tanned skin and thick muscles under a fitted deep red tee shirt. His hair is a bright unnatural red, pulled into a high pony with a few strands still framing his face. His eyes are a softer red than Bakugou’s own, his cheeks sharp and high, and when his eyes meet Bakugou’s, a zip of electricity races down his spine and along his limbs till he can feel it in his toes.

When the man makes his way over, Bakugou also notes how damn tall he is- easily around 6’4”. His smile is shy, and he smells like sandalwood.

“Bakugou, hi,” he breathes, hesitantly holding his hand out. Bakugou takes it in a daze, still amazed by just how stupidly beautiful this stupidly kind bar owner is.

“Heyyo, you disappeared fam, how’s it going?” 

Bakugou hates everything.

He reluctantly slips his hand out of Kirishima’s warm, firm grip and turns to Camie with venomous eyes. “I literally just met him Cam, shut the fuck up.” He turns back to Kirishima, “Can you show us to our table?”

Kirishima shakes his head once before his smile turns blinding, and Bakugou finds himself fighting the urge to shield his eyes. “Of course,” he says in a voice that’s deep and warm and honey-like, “right this way!”

Bakugou snags his beer off the counter and takes a quick swig before Camie steals it and takes a few sips of her own. He growls at her but otherwise behaves, watching Kirishima’s back as he leads them through throngs of people engaged in cheerful conversation.

“Ok, well, he’s hot,” Cam says around the lip of the bottle. “Total beefcake. Whaddya think, boo?”

“I think you should fuck off,” Bakugou hisses, his face burning.

“If you wanted to go on a date, you probably shouldn’t have invited us,” Todoroki says, taking the offered bottle from Camie. 

Before Bakugou can explode in their faces, Kirishima stops and turns around. “Here ya go!” He gestures to a table behind him, tucked into a more private corner of the bar. It’s large and cushy, and when Bakugou gets in after Camie, he’s surprised at how soft the material is.

“So?” Kirishima says, eyes trained on Bakugou.

“Fuckin what?” Bakugou snaps, voice lacking any heat.

Kirishima laughs, head thrown back to reveal a long, thick neck and Bakugou is so damn weak.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friends?”

Bakugou clicks his tongue before gesturing at each of them, “Camie, marketing expert by day, YouTube beauty vlogger by night, pain in my ass always. Todoroki, environmental lawyer and a soba obsessed weirdo. Inasa, physiotherapist and resident dumbass.”

Kirishima gives them all a wave before saying, “Kirishima, co-owner of Riot and the reason why Bakugou saw more unwarranted penises than strictly necessary in a lifetime.”

“Asshole,” Bakugou grumbles, earning him another laugh and a bashful hand ruffling the back of Kirishima’s head.

“Still so sorry about that man,” Kirishima offers, “everything’s definitely on the house for you all! Speaking of ordering-“ Kirishima moves on to explain their ordering system-

“You can scan the code with your camera app,” the redhead says, pointing at the barcode on the centrepiece of their table, “and it pulls up our bar and food menu. Just enter your order and your table number,” he points at the large digits on the side that glows a bright 15 back at them.

Inasa pulls his phone out to order. Before he leaves, Kirishima says, “Can I get your drink order before I go?”

Camie asks for a LIIT, Inasa gets a Soju bomb and Todoroki starts off with his usual- a cosmo.

“You good on that beer?” Kirishima asks Bakugou warmly, his eyes dancing with mirth.

“I’m fine,” he grumbles, sliding lower into his seat. “Maybe get me another, your choice?”

“Coming right up,” Kirishima beams before stepping away, and Bakugou’s heart splutters around his chest at the sight of sharp white teeth and cheek-aching grins.

“He’s so cute!” Camie squeals, stealing the last of his beer. “And he’s totes into you too.”

“I have to agree, he’s very attractive,” Todoroki says impassively.

“Certified hottie,” Inasa rounds up, flashing his own biceps for some reason.

Bakugou is so done, and they’ve been here all 5 minutes.

  “Kirishim- Kirishima, the beer is overflowing,” Ashido says, pushing him away and taking over. “God, you’re so gone for him, it’s almost embarrassing.”

Kirishima snaps out of his stupor and moves to take the glass back. Ashido hip checks him away.

“You’re being a little stupid, go help Satou with plating and take the food to lover boy’s table.”

“He has a name, you know,” Kirishima mumbles, but Ashido simply laughs, and Kirishima feels his neck and ears go warm.

Because who let Bakugou walk into his bar looking like that? Looking so damn gorgeous in his all-black get up and his perfect eye make-up and that fierce scowl?

Kirishima’s heart had pretty much stopped at the sight of him, and it was yet to regain its usual rhythm.

The redhead rests his forehead against the wall and mumbles, “I’m so screwed.”

“We know buddy,” Sero says, patting his back sympathetically, “we know.”

  For all that Bakugou hates outings and people and outings in places filled with people, he finds himself having a moderately good time.

Because the food is delicious if lacking a little heat, the alcohol is mixed perfectly and the music is fantastic, filtering through old rock classics with some alt stuff mixed in.

And then there’s Kirishima- tending the bar with ease, laughing along with his co-workers, and sending Bakugou wide, happy smiles that sets his entire face on fire.

“This place is awesome,” Camie whoops, banging another shot glass on the table before knocking it back with ease. Todoroki joins her, his impassive face not so much as twitching at the taste of strong tequila before he bites into a lime. Inasa is already beer drunk, cheeks dusky as he hums along to the music.

“Insufferable,” Bakugou mumbles around his 4th-ish beer. He likes to keep up his grumpy act till his last shred of dignity melts away cause of the alcohol, and he’s probably pretty hit already because he lets Camie pull him into her side with her arm around his shoulder, his nose suddenly privy to the scent of her mellow perfume.

“I love you guys,” Camie beams, picking up her beer and waving it in front of her. Todoroki and Inasa clink their drinks against it, and Bakugou silently waves his own bottle around before downing it.

“You guys good on- oh my god, are you Camie? THE Camie?”

It’s Pinky at their table and her eyes are so comically wide that Bakugou can’t help his snort of laughter. He feels Camie straighten up, but her arm around him stays, holding him close.

“Define THE Camie,” she says with a smile in her voice.

“The beauty blogger that I’ve only been following for the last 3 years, holy shit I love your videos.” And then suddenly, her eyes narrow on Bakugou before she snaps her fingers. “NO WONDER YOU LOOK FAMILIAR! You’re the angry blonde in all her videos!”

“Haan? You wanna go pinky?” Bakugou growls, moving to stand up. Camie keeps him firmly by her side, her laughter shaking them both.

“That’s us!” Camie says. Bakugou finally fights his way out of her grip and throws her a withering look, or his drunken attempt at one anyway. She winks, and he fake gags. “I don’t get recognized in public all that often LOL, this is fun.”

“Did you just say LOL in a verbal fucking conversation?”

“What do you mean you don’t get recognized; you literally have like 3.2million subscribers.”

Camie ignores Bakugou and shrugs at Pinky. “I guess my primary demographic aint here fam. Speaking of which,” she thrusts her hand out, “what’s your name?”

“Ashido Mina,” she says, taking her hand firmly. Camie introduces her to the others, and Bakugou looks back at the bar, disappointed to see that he can’t find Kirishima.

“Can I top you guys off?” Kirishima says, suddenly right next to their table, effectively startling the shit outta Bakugou.

Camie chirps an affirmative, Todoroki asks for a water and checks to see if Inasa’s breathing as the big olf continues to sleep, curled up in the corner of the booth.

“And you Bakubro?”

“Don’t call me that,” Bakugou frowns before adding, “I should probably stop, I’m already kinda tipsy.”

“Lightweight,” Camie teases.

Bakugou gives her the stink eye. “Woman, the one time I tried keeping up with you, I ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning and you didn’t have so much as a hangover, so fuck off.”

“Seriously?” Kirishima says, eyes wide.

“That’s amazing,” Ashido murmurs, her smile crooked and dangerous.

Bakugou. Hates. Everything.

“He had no lasting liver damage, we’re all fine,” Camie reassures before diving into a conversation with Mina about beauty hacks and good mascara brands and global warming.

Kirishima leans close to Bakugou, bathing him in that warm sandalwood scent. “How about I get you some water and one last beer? A Hefeweizen?”

Bakugou turns to look at him, and his breath hitches in his throat when he notices how close they are, when he sees just how red Kirishima’s eyes are, how the heat seems to radiate off his skin. He exhales in a rush and looks away, answering with a jerky nod.

Kirishima gives his shoulder a friendly squeeze – he’s so warm, his hand is fucking huge – before walking to the bar and picking their stuff up.

When pinky finally meanders away from their table to serve other customers, Camie leans her head on Bakugou’s shoulder and says, “We’ll leave soon, ok?”

Bakugou nods again, leaning some of his weight back into her. Todoroki catches his eye and flashes him a warm, tipsy smile, and if he returns it with one of his own, well, he’s drunk out of his skull and has approximately no fucks to give.

  Long after putting Bakugou and his posse in a cab, before which they insisted on paying pretty much the entire tab since they ate and drank a LOT, Kirishima and the rest are cleaning up when Ashido whips him with her cleaning rag.

Kirishima looks at her with betrayed eyes, “Wha-“

“Ei, you better text him again.”

“About what?” Kirishima says glumly. “I did what I said I would do, and I promised to leave him alone after that.”

“Boy please,” Ashido scoffs, roughly wiping down one of the tables, “ya’ll made such gooey eyes at each other all night, plus I’m pretty sure he paid the entire tab just so you could keep up whatever façade you guys have going on to cover up the fact that you have INSANE chemistry with one another.”

“Yeah, the tension was palpable bro,” Sero chimes in, throwing an arm around his waist. “I think you should text him too. He seemed really amusing, and his whole group was a riot.”

Kirishima rolls his eyes at the pun but smiles at them, feeling a new burst of energy in his limbs.

“You guys are absolutely right! Worst case, he blocks me. At least I won’t have any regrets.”

“Yeah boy, get it with that optimism.”  

  Bakugou wakes up to a slight headache, a mouth that tastes like ash, and a profound sadness that settles atop his sternum, weighing him down and pressing him into his mattress.

He sees the glass of water on his bedside table with ibuprofen placed neatly next to it and downs them both without so much as a second thought. As his brain slowly comes back online, he takes a moment to finally navigate his messy feelings and comes to a crushing realization-

Kirishima doesn’t have to text him anymore.

The redhead had said that he’d leave him alone after making it up to him, and yes, it was Bakugou’s standoffish nature that got them into that situation in the first place. And yes, Bakugou had paid the tab mostly because it was too high a bill to be footed by the bar and Bakugou made bank, but also because a small, minuscule part of him hoped that the gesture would make Kirishima insist on another outing or something to ‘make it up to him'.

The blonde doesn’t even bother to acknowledge the fact that he forgave Kirishima almost two days into texting him.

He almost avoids his phone out of fear alone and makes it through a whole cup of coffee and 3 chapters into a novel recommended by Deku before finally picking up his phone to check for emails and notifications.

He expects none from Kirishima.

So, of course, there are 3 from the redhead.

Bakugou’s heart leaps to his throat and he can’t seem to unlock his phone quite fast enough.

fuck he’s cute hi Bakugou, thank you for coming last night!!!

fuck he’s cute it was actually really cool 2 finally meet you. U didn’t have to pay the tab tho :’D

fuck he’s cute bt since u did, I still owe u. can we figure it out later??? Also, what did you think of the place???

Bakugou dumbass

Bakugou you’ve got a swanky place, I’ll give you that. Food was fucking good too. could be spicier.  

Bakugou you got cam completely hooked

Bakugou and yeah, you better make it up to me later. Asshole.

Kirishima replies a few hours later, just as Bakugou finishes up a yoga routine that stretches out his back in the best way possible.

fuck he’s cute :D :D :D :D :D

fuck he’s cute can’t wait

fuck he’s cute <image attached>

fuck he’s cute ruby says hi

It’s a selfie this time, not a picture of just the kitty. Bakugou can appreciate how cute the mutt is, but for once, he has no attention to spare her. Not when Kirishima’s eyes are crinkling around the edges from how hard he smiles up at the camera, not when he’s wearing a tank top with relaxed arm holes, showing off bulging muscles and hints of ink, and not when just the mere thought of him makes Bakugou’s stomach flop around uncontrollably.

He barely manages to reply coherently.

Bakugou the only bright spot in this shitty world

He presses his phone to his forehead and quietly contemplates just how gay he is. Camie pets his head on the way to the kitchen.

  It takes Bakugou some time to get used to waking up to Good Morning texts and a stream of random thoughts from Kirishima all day. The flutter in his stomach disappears a few weeks into talking to the redhead, instead replaced by a bone-deep warmth that always manages to make him feel a little better.

dumbass kirishima GOOOOOOOD MORNING :D

dumbass Kirishima someone threw up on my fave shoes last night

Bakugou HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Bakugou suffer

dumbass Kirishima y u so mean to me ☹ ☹

Bakugou cause its fuckin hilarious

dumbass Kirishima ☹

Bakugou ugh

Bakugou <image attached> [it’s a picture of Bakugou’s balcony, and all his plants look vibrant green as the sun hits them just right]

dumbass Kirishima :D :D :D

dumbass Kirishima legit felt my serotonin just spike

dumbass Kirishima thxxxxxx

Bakugou whatever

Bakuguo dumbass

 ---

 Bakugou if I plan a murder can I count on your stupid muscles to help me move the body

dumbass Kirishima D:

dumbass Kirishima at least take me out to dinner b4 involving me in your crimes

dumbass Kirishima what a lack of manners

Bakugou stfu

dumbass Kirishima :”D :”D

dumbass Kirishima youre joking right?

dumbass Kirishima right??

dumbass Kirishima RIGHT?????

dumbass Kirishima BAKUGOU THIS IS A BAD TIME TO LEAVE ME HANGING BRO DO NOT DO THIS

Bakugou don’t call me bro

dumbass Kirishima THAT IS NOT THE POINT RIGHT NOW

Bakugou lol I didn’t do shit dumbass don’t worry

Bakugou or did I?

dumbass Kirishima BAKUGOU NO

 ---

 dumbass Kirishima <image attached> [it’s a gym selfie; Kirishima is crouching in front of the mirror shirtless, hair pulled into a bun atop his head. He’s glistening with sweat, and he’s got a more serious look on his face. He’s not actively flexing any muscle, but the pose makes his thighs, calves and biceps bulge. One hand holds the phone, the other is resting on his bent knee]

dumbass Kirishima working on deez gainz

Bakugou what time do you usually workout

dumbass Kirishima depends on my schedule actually

dumbass Kirishima I prefer the morning, but when I take the late night shift I usually go be4 work the next day

Bakugou hmmm

Bakugou let me know

Bakugou maybe we can go together

dumbass Kirishima :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Bakugou ugh I changed my mind

dumbass Kirishima :D :D :D :D

dumbass Kirishima no takebacksies

Bakugou fucking fantastic

dumbass Kirishima :D :D :D

 ---

 “So, let me get this straight- you guys gym together at least once a week, you talk every day, your stomach flutters at the mere thought of him and Cam swears he’s making googly eyes at you all the time, and you still haven’t asked each other out yet?”

Bakugou flips his phone off, “Fuck off Deku, don’t be a little shit.”

Midoriya’s face morphs into an amused smile on the other end of their facetime call, “Are you being bashful Kacchan? That’s adorable.”

“I’m hanging up.”

“NOOOOO,” Midoriya bemoans dramatically. “I can’t believe I’m missing all this.”

“Yeah, well, who the fuck told you to teach kids English halfway across the world dumbass?”

“I miss you too Kacchan,” Midoriya beams, making a heart with his hands.

“I truly loathe you.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Midoriya puts a few papers away before sighing. “So?”

“So what?”

“So, are you going to make a move? How do you plan on doing it?”

“I don’t,” Bakugou ruffles his hair and ducks his head to hide his rapidly warming cheeks, “I’m not asking him out Deku, fuck that.”

“Why not?” the asshole whines, eyes wide and innocent. “You deserve happiness Kacchan. Plus, he seems like a really nice guy.” Midoriya leans forward and adds in a whisper, “I’ve heard he has a fantastic butt.”

Bakugou rolls his eyes and flips him off again, “Fuck off, you can’t say that without actually meeting him.”

“I’ll be back before then. You guys better be dating already when I get there.”

“Stop telling me what to do, shitty Deku!”

“Never Kacchan, that’s what you do for the people you love.”

“Ugh, how are you so gross when you’re so far away, I hate you.”

Midoriya’s laugh sounds tinny over the phone speaker, lacking its usual body and warmth. Bakugou huffs again before picking his novel back up to read.

“Hi Zuku,” Camie calls out from over Bakugou’s shoulder. “You need to come back soon and help me with Kitkat, he refuses to make the first move!”

“Butt out of my fucking love life, you freaks!”

“Can’t butt out of something that doesn’t exist Kats,” Camie deadpans.

Bakugou feels extremely justified in flinging a stress ball right at her. The kitchen fills up with raucous laughter, from his phone and from the person standing in front of him, and Bakugou thinks that adding a deeper, warmer laugh to the mix, coming from a specific redhead might not be the worst thing in the world.

  Kiri bakugouuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Bakugou what?

Kiri just wanted to say hi <3

Bakugou wth

Kiri we still on fr the gym tomorrow?

Bakugou obviously you dumbass

Bakugou I need you to spot me

Bakugou im beating my personal best tomorrow or im going to die trying

Kiri so manly :O :O :O

Kiri I’ve got you bruh

Bakugou don’t call me that

Bakugou and I know you do

Kiri <3 <3

 ---

 Bakugou <link>

Bakugou that playlist you were asking about

Kiri u da bomb katsuki

Bakugou katsuki huh?

Bakugou getting cocky I see

Kiri I mean, weve known each other for like 4 months now???

Kiri ur one of my closest pals

Kiri I don’t have to, I just thought ud like it more than bro

Bakugou I do like it more than bro

Bakugou eijirou

Bakugou I guess ur not terrible

Eijirou ????

Eijirou did you just?? pay me????? A compliment??

Eijirou who r u and wat have you done to katsuki?

Bakugou fuck you

Bakugou just fuck you

Eijirou <3 <3 <3

  Bakugou wakes up one morning, approximately 5 months after meeting Kirishima for the first time, with a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

His work goes smoothly. The coffee tastes potent and fresh, his body feels fine, his plants are thriving, Camie is busy with her own deadlines and therefore not bugging him, even the sun is mellow and warm; the perfect weather.

The pit in his stomach worsens with every hour.

It doesn’t help that all of his messages to Kirishima have gone unanswered; he hasn’t even been online all day. In the months that they’ve communicated, he’s never gone a day without texting the man, and now it’s like he fell off the face of the Earth.

When it gets closer to 6 in the evening, Bakugou decides to call if Kirishima doesn’t get in touch himself. Because the pit in his stomach is making him nauseous, and he needs to know if the redhead is ok if only for the sake of his own damn health.

He gets a call from an unknown number at 5:20 in the evening. The pit in his stomach becomes a yawning chasm as he picks up the call.

“Hello?”

“Bakugou, it’s Ashido, from the bar.”

Bakugou pulls in a deep breath. “Where is Kirishima?”

“Um, there was an incident last night, at Riot.” She sighs deeply before continuing, “Kiri got jumped in the alley outside by a bunch of really drunk homophobic assholes that saw him turn down some guy’s number. He actually fought them off for the most part, but he’s sustained a broken nose and some fractured ribs. We’re at the hospital right now.”

Bakugou sinks to the ground, his stomach plummeting with him. “Are you fucking serious right now? Fuck-“

“I’ll text you the hospital details, ok? I’m sorry we didn’t call sooner, between talking to his moms and the hospital folks, it slipped my mind.”

“I’ll be there,” Bakugou says, standing up on shaky feet and stumbling back to his room. “Just don’t leave him alone.”

“Never in a million years.”

They hang up and Bakugou changes, hails a cab, and gets to the hospital in a complete daze.

His affection for the redhead, brimming and spilling from every crevice, makes itself evident when he lays eyes on him in the hospital bed and feels a surge of protectiveness. He wants to kill the people that did this, he wants to gather Kirishima in his arms and hold him tight, he wants to crawl into bed with him and talk about stupid shit and see him smile again.

“He’s pretty high on pain meds right now,” Ashido says from somewhere behind him, pointing to his IV lines, “so he’s been saying really funny stuff. The doctors did a full evaluation and said he should recover completely in 5ish weeks.”

Bakugou nods and swallows thickly. Ashido squeezes his arm before leaving the hospital room, shutting the door behind her softly.

Kirishima hasn’t seen him yet, so Bakugou approaches his bed carefully before placing a hand on the guardrail. The noise pulls Kirishima’s attention towards him, and Bakugou’s gut tightens when those large, warm eyes go completely soft at the sight of him.

“Kassaki~” Kirishima slurs, his smile large and dopey.

“You absolute dumbass,” Bakugou chokes out, his hand moving from the rail to grip Kirishima’s tightly. Kirishima’s fingers twine with his own with practised ease and his smile turns gooey.

“Hi Kats, you look beautiful today.”

Bakugou half-laughs, half-sobs and rubs his eyes fiercely. Kirishima’s face is a bit bruised, and there’s a huge bandage on his nose, but he doesn’t look nearly as bad as Bakugou had first feared. The pit in his stomach finally calms, slowly loosening until he can breathe normally again.

“Shut up Eiji,” Bakugou grumbles, sitting down on the chair beside the bed. He leaves his hand in Kirishima’s.

“Ok,” Kirishima agrees easily. It takes 10 seconds for him to break the silence again.

“Hey Kats?”

“What?”

“Are we dating?”

Bakugou startles at that, eyes snapping over to Kirishima’s. He doesn’t look accusatory or hurt or weirded out or anything- merely curious.

“No, we’re not.”

“Oh.” Kirishima frowns, “Why not?”

Bakugou huffs out a small laugh, “Because we’re both idiots.”

“Oh,” the redhead says, then nods. “That kinda tracks.”

“HEY!”

Kirishima’s smile becomes dopey again, eyes crinkling in the most endearing way.

“I really like you Kats. You’re so smart and funny and you always smell like fabric softener, and you’re just like. Really pretty.”

Bakugou feels his face heat up completely, his grip on Kirishima’s hand tightening.

“Just rest, you dumbass,” Bakugou says weakly, his entire body too hot for comfort. He watches Kirishima’s smile become something warm and loving in a way that hits his heart, and he doesn’t let go of the redhead’s hand, right up until the end of visiting hours.

When he exits the hospital alongside Ashido, he feels the last of his energy drain.

“I cant believe we didn’t get to him sooner,” Ashido mumbles, rubbing at her eyes fiercely. “The bar was noisy, and he just wanted to dump out some trash. Hanta noticed he was gone a while before we went out back and found him punching the last dude.”

Bakugou purses his lips. Truth be told, he cant believe Kirishima had gotten so badly hurt so close to his own bar, and he’s pissed as fuck that the idiot brigade had even let it happen, but the sincerity in Ashido’s voice tugs at his chest painfully.

“I’m sure he’ll forgive you.” Bakugou laughs humorlessly. “He’ll probably say there’s nothing to forgive in the first place.”

Ashido’s laugh is hollow, “That’s our Eijirou.” She looks at Bakugou again. “You coming tomorrow?”

He flashes her his best sneer. “You best believe I’m going to come by every single fucking day till he’s discharged.”

Ashido’s smile becomes a little more genuine, a little more well-rounded.

“I’m really glad he has you.” Her voice goes all soft and gross as she continues, “You mean a LOT to him, in case you didn’t already know.”

“Fuck off,” Bakugou mumbles, before waving her off and walking away.

Because he does know.

He also knows he’s falling madly in love with him, and that he’s completely and utterly screwed.

And he finds that he really doesn’t mind all that much. Some people, he rationalizes, are worth the horrible butterflies and the too hot too cold feelings down the back of his spine.

Some people, he realizes, are worth loving with everything you’ve got.

  It takes Kirishima five weeks of house arrest to recover completely. Bakugou spends every weekday and a few of the weekends with him, staying over more often than not. He fusses over the redhead, forces him to take his medication on time, and cooks him everything under the sun.

“You’re spoiling me,” the redhead whines when Bakugou serves him what smells like the best mapo tofu he’s ever going to have.

The blonde grins triumphantly, “You’re damn right I am.”

They bicker and banter constantly, but they also curl up and marathon old bond movies at night. Kirishima goes over the bar’s paperwork while Bakugou works off his couch, and they take turns making the coffee. Ruby falls in love with Bakugou and curls up on his chest every chance she gets, and Bakugou laughs at Kirishima’s look of betrayal. The redhead’s couch is ridiculously comfortable, and he leaves his memory foam pillow with the blonde.

“You refuse to take my bed,” he grumbles, “so you damn well better accept my stupid pillow.”

Bakugou’s neck thanks the redhead profusely.

It’s new and weird, living with someone for the first time. Kirishima’s posse are in and out through the day, and Camie comes by just as often, bringing a change of clothes and gossip with her. Todoroki drops in with some high-quality tequila sometimes and Inasa brings his infectious energy, and through all of this, Kirishima remains in high spirits, even if he goes a little stir crazy sometimes.

It’s new and it’s weird, going from casual touches to more loving ones, more comforting ones. It becomes commonplace for Bakugou to rest his head between Kirishima’s shoulder blades on the days that he has a bad time at work. It’s normal for Kirishima to place his head on Bakugou’s lap while they watch shark documentaries. It’s easy for them to bump knees and press their calves together while enjoying their morning coffee.

It’s new and it’s weird and it’s amazing.

Because Bakugou finds himself falling in love with the little things. The way Kirishima sticks his tongue out when he’s smashing the PS5 controller during an especially intense game of Mario party, the way he makes the coffee with a sleepy smile on his face, the way he hums off-key to a song that’s stuck in his head, the way he can understand Bakugou- can differentiate between his frustrated fuck, his bashful fuck, his angry fuck, his sleepy fuck.

And how he accepts it all without so much as a hitch in his step.

Bakugou watches himself fall in love, slowly, and then all at once.

  “How is it that he lived with you for almost 5 weeks and you STILL didn’t ask him out? Or kiss him stupid? Or something?”

Sero has a finger pinching the bridge of his nose, the other flexing loosely in front of his chest as he tries to fathom the stupidity of two people that could not be more into each other if they tried.

“I, I uh-“ Kirishima hangs his head, “I have no excuse.” He sighs deeply. “I was scared he’d give me a pity answer cause I was injured and everything.”

Ashido looks over her shoulder with incredulous eyes. “Are you kidding me?”

“What?”

“Eiji, I know you love us so like, if any of us were hurt like this you’d take care of us till we were better too. But do you think someone like BAKUGOU would practically move into someone’s house to make sure they were ok if he wasn’t nuts about them? Really?”

Kirishima’s face flushes, and he waves her away. “I don’t want to read into it. He’s just a really, really, really good guy. And what we have is good, it’s great! We’re bros. Pals. Friends. It’s all good.”

Ashido continues to stare at him for another moment before throwing her hands up and yelling, “BOYS!” She stomps into the kitchen to help Satou with prep for the day.

They continue to stock up the bar, Kirishima assigned to prepping limes and the ice machine, when the door opens and someone steps in.

“Sorry, we’re not op- Bakugou?”

And there stands the blonde with the biggest bouquet of flowers – chrysanthemums and sunflowers – that Kirishima has ever seen. The redhead distantly hears the sound of a door close behind him, and suddenly they’re alone, the tension positively stifling.

“Bakugo-“

“Go on a date with me.”

Kirishima sucks in a startled breath, his heart hammering in his chest.

“Go on a date. With me,” Bakugou repeats, his neck and ears tinging the loveliest shade of red. “The romantic kind. Where we dress up and get food and drinks and fight over the bill and walk each other to the door and get super awkward before we kiss. All that shit.”

Kirishima isn’t sure how it happens- one moment he’s on this side of the bar, the next, he’s jumping across and gathering Bakugou into a tight embrace, mindful of his newly healed ribs but still unwilling to release the blonde until Bakugou returns his hug, burying his face into Kirishima’s chest.

“Is that a yes?” Bakugou mumbles when they finally pull away, his hands fisted in Kirishima’s shirt.

“In every possible language out there,” Kirishima answers, ducking down to softly kiss Bakugou on the cheek. He laughs as the blonde cusses and shoves him away and laughs even harder when Bakugou’s own smile covers his entire face, bright and open and oh so breathtaking.

That smile is Kirishima’s and Kirishima’s alone.

  Eiji hiiiiiiiiiiii

Bakugou I swear to god Ei

Bakugou if you’re late for our first date I will find you

Eiji and give me a kiss? :*

Bakugou I don’t kiss people that don’t have good time management

Bakugou so fuck off

Eiji still so mean to me ☹

Eiji I want that kiss tho

Eiji so ill be ready

Eiji promise

Bakugou good

Eiji  <3

Bakugou <3

Eiji :D :D :D :D :D :D

Eiji YOU LIKE ME ENOUGH TO SEND EMOJIS HU H <3333

Bakugou it will never happen again

Bakugou so fuck right off

Eiji :”D

Bakugou im outside

Eiji be right there

Eiji <3  

[glassartpeasants]

I’m Sorry

Shigaraki x Reader

Warnings: Angst, like REALLY ANGST

A/N: I came up with this at work, i literally wrote down an entire plot to a story in about 30 minutes. I don’t know if i should feel proud or ashamed

~~~

You sat in your car sighing heavily as you put the seat down to look up at the stars, since you had opened your sunroof. Your arms going behind your head to create a make shift pillow as you waited for your boyfriends response.

Tomura Shigaraki, Leader of the League of villains was your boyfriend, and god did you love him. You loved him more then anything else in the world. But for some reason it felt like he was ignoring you. You look at the text your sent and just stared at it wondering if you said something wrong. You scanned over it again realizing he just hadn’t opened it yet.

You grab the necklace that was hanging around your neck and fiddle with it between your fingers. The metal reminding you of when he officially asked for you to be his.

The necklace was a symbol of devotion to one another. You always wore the necklace cause it made you feel butterflies every time you looked at it. Shigaraki always wore his too. It was so romantic,

Well it was romantic.

You had noticed recently that he stopped wearing it, or forgetting. You didn’t mind at first cause everyone’s forgetful sometimes but it did bother you when it became a regular thing. He’d always say he left it on his nightstand or took it off when he was going to bed. These were all rational explanations but he didn’t even bother to put it back on. It felt like you guys were drifting apart, which ripped a hole right through your heart.

Not to mention every time you went into the hideout, everyone gave you looks of pity. You don’t know why they did but you weren’t gonna question it. You refused to believe that Shigaraki would do anything to hurt you.

~~~

After your little session in the car you had gone grocery shopping for the League, something you would do often. They gave you a list of food they wanted and you got it for them.

You packed up all the groceries in your car and drove towards the building. You smiled all the way there. They didn’t know you were coming it was going to be a suprise! Oh won’t Shigaraki be happy!

You park outside the building and as you got out you see a lady coming out of the building you’ve never seen before. Normally you wouldn’t mind someone like that but...

She had Shigaraki’s hoodie on.

“Hey wait miss! Can i speak to you?” You said running up to her.

“Oh of course, what do you need?”

“Um i was wondering where you got the jacket from? I really like it.” You lie, you wanna know why this woman has your man’s jacket on, but you wanna hear what she has to say first before you go ape shit.

“Oh its my boyfriends! Isn’t it cool! That’s not the only thing he got me either, he gave me this necklace as well. He told me that as long as i have this on, it would show how much i love him. Isn’t that romantic!” Your heart shattered in your chest. You couldn’t believe it. No you wouldn’t, he said he only loved you. How long as this affair been going on? You needed more answers.

“That’s super awesome! How long have you guys been dating?” You smile holding back your tears and the burning urge to scream out of your chest.

“Almost 1 year!” She was so happy, could you tell her? Would she even believe you? She seemed even more happy then you been for the part 2 months, she seemed to be everything you weren’t.

Long hair, curvy, not an inch of skin imperfections, and lets not forget how much bigger her chest was compared to yours. She was everything a man could ever want. Hell she was there for most of your relationship, you guys have been dating for a year and 4 months.

“IM so happy for you! I have to go but i hope to see you later!” You lie through your teeth, you never wanted to see her again.

She drove off while you open the doors to the building looking down as tears streamed your face, your lungs burning with the need to scream and sob.

You open the door to the main room where Shigaraki sat with, Dabi, Spinner. Toga, and Twice. Your arms shaking as you could feel everyone staring at you.

“(Y/N) what brings you here?” Spinner asked before you pushed past him, you grabbed the necklace from off your neck, pulling it off letting bits and pieces of the chain to fall onto the floor. You throw the necklace at Shigaraki before slapping him across the face.

“How fucking dare you! Your such an inconsiderate piece of shit! You thought i wouldn’t find out?! Was she good huh?! Was she worth it?!” Your screams could e heard through the entire building, everyone’s eyes on you as you screamed at their leader. Shigaraki’s eyes were wide, you could see it behind father.

“I-”

“Don’t say a thing! I should have never agreed to be your girlfriend! Was it because she had a better body then me?! Did she satisfy your fucking needs?!” Your rage was outstanding as more tears streamed down your face, the pain of knowing your supposed love of your life was going around with other women. Shigaraki said nothing as he took the screams, his eyes soon looked uninterested and bored, which only fueled your fire.

“You know what fuck you, i wish i never met you. Enjoy that bitch cause im done!” You only cry more as you ran out of the room and out of the building, getting into your car and driving off.

Shigaraki didn’t move an inch as trying to keep his composure. But on the inside he was shaking. He was going to break it off he promised! He was going to the next time he saw her, why couldn’t you have come a little later? Why did you just show up damn you!

Your words cut like knives into Shigaraki’s skin, as the image of you crying kept replaying in his head.

“Nice job Handman.” Shigaraki turned his head towards the burnt male.

“IT’s not your place to talk so shut the hell up.”

“It’s not your place to talk either, must suck knowing the girl that would have taken a bullet for you left you. But can’t say i didn’t see this coming.” Shigaraki stayed silent. He didn’t want to say anything he just wanted to figure out a way to make you come back.

~~~

1 month later

Ice cream.

As stereotypical as that sounds, ice cream had become your best friend for the past few weeks. You just ate your heart away, not mentioning that you threw up everything you ate.

After your fight with Shigaraki you blocked him on everything. His number? Blocked. His gamer profile? Blocked. Everything was blocked.

You had even moved to another part of town, he knew where you lived so you just deiced to up and leave, your lease was over soon anyways. You thankfully found another apartment. It was small but it was perfect for you.

You’ve watched the news a few times looking for any sign of Shigaraki and his plans. But nothing occurred.

“Aw shit-” You ran to the bathroom as fast as you could about to throw up everything you ate that day.

~~~

“Well fuck.” You look down at the home pregnancy test. A positive home pregnancy test.

“What do i do now?” You sat down on the bathroom floor looking up at the ceiling. You liked kids so having on shouldn’t be a problem right? 

But the fact that it was your cheating ex’s is the problem...

“No! I will not think about that crusty rat anymore! I don’t need him to be happy i have everything i need right here!” You say to yourself as you get up off the bathroom floor.

“I will take care of this baby and I’ll be the best mother that their could possibly be!” You hype yourself up as smile to yourself. He may be Shigaraki’s child ut that doesn’t mean you can’t love your kid. You would love the kid to the ends of the earth, and no cheating ex will stop that.

~~~

Shigaraki laid down on his bed staring at the ceiling, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He couldn’t help it, he’d actually lost you.

He tried contacting in in every form possible, once he realize you blocked his number. Once he called from a payphone only to find out you changed your number as well.

He broke off ties with the other girl, hoping it would bring you back. Which it didn’t. 

Now he was alone again, the feeling of emptiness crept back up from the depths of his mind as his bed was cold. Your body no longer there to warm it. It ate him alive, the realization that he would never feel your fingertips brush through his hair again or the comforting words you said that put him to sleep.

His thoughts were his own worse enemy, he hated how much that fateful day replayed in his head. Over and over again until it corrupted his everyday life.

His bitterness was soon taking over. The madness that was Tomura Shigaraki slowly crept into his thoughts. Corrupting them, warping his mind making it seem like you were in the wrong not him.

He couldn’t bare to handle the insufferable guilt that he felt so he occupied himself with work. Running the LOV to escape the fractured pieces of his mind.

Within 3 months you were no longer plaguing his mind.

~~~

We skipping to when reader give birth

As you laid down in the hospital bed with your newborn child in your hand you couldn’t help but tear up. 

You were 100% sure that your little girl was going to look like her dad, hell she even had the same eyes and mole. 

But you couldn’t dwell on the fact she didn’t have a single feature of yours yet all you could think about was the amazing smile she gave you as soon as she saw you.

“Aren’t you just the sweetest little thing.” You cooed at the baby as she giggled at you. She reached her little chubby baby hands at you and grabbed your nose. You chuckled before giving her a kiss on the cheek as you sung her a little lullaby in your arms.

~~~

2 Years later

You watch the TV as the war keeps going on. Fighting and war is all people seem to do nowadays. You were afraid, your not even scared to admit it. After hearing about Shigaraki and learning that He’s now the leader of a huge army made you very scared for your daughter. HE may not know she exists but it still scares you.

You sigh at the Tv before getting up and putting on your jacket getting ready to pick up your daughter from your parents house.

You step out of your door and lock it before going down to your car. Putting your purse in the passenger seat as you buckled up and started the car before pulling out on the road.

Little did you know someone was watching...

~~~

“Pwease! pwetty pwease!” Your daughter whined trying to convince you to let her play on the swings near your parents house. You looked at your daughter as she gave you the puppy eyes.

“Fine, your lucky i love you so much.” You daughter squealed as she ran to the swing and waited for your help.

You laugh as you put your daughter in the baby swing and push her a little bit. Her baby blue hair moving along with the motions. You were right when she got her appearance from Shigaraki but she had your facial features.

‘At least she got something from me’ You chuckled to yourself before you hear your daughters giggles grow quiet.

“Sweetie what’s wrong?” Concern wired in your voice. She kept on looking on the other side of the street, so you look too.

Once your eyes were scanning for a bit they blew wide open as a patch of similar blue hair caught your vision.

No it couldn’t be....you moved how did Shigaraki... how did he find you?

You pick up your daughter before quickly walking towards your car. You car was in eye sight before a gruff voice stopped you in your tracks.

“Is she mine....”You back stiffened as you felt his eyes burning into you. There was no escaping him at this moment.

“Mommy who’s that?” Your daughter asked, her little body trembling as she looked at the hooded man in fear.

“Shigaraki, take your hood off your scaring her.” Your voice stern, laced with poison as all the emotions waved over you once more.

“You know i can’t do that. Answer my question, is she mine.” His voice laced in the same poison you once spoke in.

“No shit sherlock.” You look at him as you hear him let out a huff of air.

“Can...can i see her...” His voice was weak as you saw his hand twitch. HE refused to look at you the entire time.

“You think I’d let you see her?! Shigaraki look at yourself! Your an S-Class villain! If people saw you with her they’d go after her! Im not letting you see her.”

“I know im a villain but she’s my kid too damnit!”

“You didn’t even know she existed! Why now huh?! Why after almost 3 years do you decide to show up now huh?!” Your voice shooting daggers into Shigaraki’s heart once more.

He happened to stumble by you guys on accident, he was walking home from getting a new game when he heard your voice. It may have been years but he could always remember your lullaby you use to sing him to sleep. He walked over to your location and dropped the game on to the cold concrete as he saw you holding a little girl in your arms.

His crimson eyes widen as he stared at the exact copy of himself. There was no way, how could you not have told him?

“Let me guess you accidentally saw us and now you want to be with me again?!” You screamed at him but immediately stopped when you heard sniffling coming from the little girl in your arms.

“Hey, Hey its okay Sayori, mommy’s just a little angry that’s all, im sorry for screaming.” You say as your run your fingers through her hair.

“Please...just...can i not even look at her.....” You could hear it, the pain in his voice. The tiniest part inside you begging you to give him another chance but the realization of having to protect your daughter over through your love for him.

“No. Shouldn’t have cheated. Not going to let my baby be in harms way because her father can’t seem to keep his dick in his pants.” You turn around and walk away leaving Shigaraki at the playground as you drove off.

Shigaraki felt his soul leave his body as his knees gave out. He started to sob uncontrollably. The once dormant flashbacks of your heartbroken face now replayed in his mind once again. 

Hiccuping as his sobs became much more inaudible. He felt like shit, the thought of his turning up like his father blew his mind as it only added to the pain. Images of what could have been a happy family replay in his head as he could just imagine a world where he has you by his side and his daughter in his arms.

[shortprince-cos]

The Woes Of An Emo

Summary: Virgil is an idiot, and a pining one at that.

Warnings: Swearing, school shooter mention. Tell me if I need to ask for anything else!

{Masterlist}

Chapter 1: How Did He Get Himself Into This Situation?

~~~~~

Virgil always had a hard time making friends. That was a fact. He knew that already.

Why? The amount of things that can make or break a friendship. Eye contact, saying the right thing, beliefs, time, how you look, talking in general, all that good stuff. It was frustrating and nerve racking.

That's why highschool is such a nightmare. You can only survive if you're "popular". And to be popular, you have to have friends. And to have friends, you have to be popular. It's an endless loop of torture!

Speaking of torture, Virgil was just about to walk into this prison cell his first class, when he got a message from his only real friend. An online friend.

Online friends were significantly easier to make. No eye contact, you can actually think of what to say before speaking, and they won't judge you on how you look. It's so much easier!

princeofyourdreams: Good luck on your english essay!

Virgil smiled at his phone and quickly responded back.

onthevirgeofananxietyattack: thanks! Good luck wooing your boyfriend ;)

princeofyourdreams: haha very funny! Hopefully he will be my boyfriend tho. I mean, who wouldn't want to be my boyfriend?

onthevirgeofananxietyattack: i could think of a few people

Virgil didn't want to admit that he wasn't one of those few. But Princey already had his eyes on someone who he could actually see, and from what Virgil's heard, the lucky guy was very attractive.

princeofyourdreams: wow. If you could see just how attractive I am, you would change your mind!

onthevirgeofananxietyattack: oh im sure. maybe if i could actually see u i would change my mind, tho i doubt that

princeofyourdreams: well, you know very well that my parents wont let me! Im just so beautiful, that everyone would be looking for me! and gee thanks

onthevirgeofananxietyattack: right. anyway i gotta go. tell me how the confession goes! i cant wait to hear about how broken your heart will be

princeofyourdreams: And I can't wait to hear about the F you get on your essay!

onthevirgeofananxietyattack: yea F to u too

They weren't being mean to each other, that was just how their friendship always was. Of course, boundaries were set thanks to Virgil having a mental breakdown and actually having to get Princey to call him and actually needing to hear Princey's voice in order to calm down. But it was fine in the end.

---

Unfortunately, Princey would be delighted to know that Virgil got a C on his essay. Of course, Princey would comfort him, but not until he was done laughing.

The school day went by pretty normally, though. Well, except for fourth period. Roman King, the most popular musical theater kid in school, kept staring at him for some reason. It was kind of creepy, but Virgil knew he was probably just judging Virgil silently, so he didn't think anything of it.

Pretty soon, the long day of school was over and Virgil could finally go home!

Or, he was trying to, before he got stopped in the main hallway.

He turned around to see who tapped him on the shoulder and- WHAT?!

It was Roman King. Why would he want to talk to Virgil?! Unless he got Virgil confused with another purple clad emo. Was this about fourth period?

"Hey, uh..." Roman looked extremely nervous, which was really weird considering that Roman wasn't even nervous during the school shooter drill, and everyone was nervous during that. The principal was an a** and didn't tell anyone that it was a drill, and instead let everyone believe that they might die. Yeah, that was fun. But even during that, Roman was the one who blocked the door instead of hiding. Virgil kind of admired him for that. But talking to Virgil made him nervous?! No way.

"Yes?" Virgil was starting to get a little impatient. It wasn't because he didn't like Roman, Roman was an ok guy, it's just that Virgil really wanted to get home so he could talk to Princey.

"Sorry, um, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to do something...sometime? Like, with me- uh- like, just us, doing something? Together?"

What?

"Are you...asking me on a date?" Virgil wasn't sure if this was a trap or not. Roman was a great actor, but this felt way too real.

"I- yeah. If-if you want to, obviously. I mean, why would you go if you didn't want to, that's just- sorry I'm rambling." Oh my god. Roman King just asked Virgil Picani on a date.

ROMAN KING JUST ASKED VIRGIL PICANI ON A DATE!

Was that why he was staring at him in fourth period? Holy s**t.

Did Virgil want to? I mean, he has a crush on his best friend, who probably lives hundreds of miles away, and already has a crush on someone else, but...Roman is really nice, Virgil couldn't deny that.

"Sure." SURE?! Virgil, what are you thinking?! What about Princey?!

"O-Oh! Really?" Roman's face immediately lit up. Oh no. It was really cute. How could Virgil fall for another guy this quickly? Was he that desperate?

"Uh, yeah, could be fun or whatever..." Virgil was mostly just mumbling to himself, but Roman seemed ecstatic.

"Ok! Uh, here!" Roman handed Virgil a small note card that had a phone number on it. "Here's my number! Uh, text me later?"

"Yeah." Oh my god, Virgil, no.

"Awesome! Talk to you soon!" Roman ran out of the hallway towards the buses.

Oh god. What had Virgil just gotten himself into?

~~~~~

{Next}

So heres the first chapter! I'm gonna try (key word, try) to have an update schedule of every Saturday! It will probably fall apart eventually, but I'll try not to!

Thank you all for wanting to read this series! I hope I don't disappoint! And I will rewrite that last chapter of Imperfect FamILY I swear-

Taglist in reblog

Reblogs are appreciated!💖

[shhh-no-ones-home]

artistry (1/2) bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

part 1 part 2

therapy, and hatred for the same things; the beginning of a beautiful love story 😌

also sorry this is not any of the stories on the list i published a couple weeks ago. ive been submerged in the falcon and the winter soldier and really wanted to write more for Bucky so here's the beginning of that. i will be working on the other stories they just may take more time. but for now i hope you all enjoy the bucky content!

Song: never know by set it off

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

I stood, knees to the couch, arms folded over my chest, Studying the wall as best I could. God I fucking hated it. It was so polite and warm and inviting. Barf.

"Disturbing."

I grumbled, hearing soft footsteps against the carpet.

"Oh sorry, they told me to wait in here I didn't realize there was someone-"

I glanced over at him for a moment. He seemed like he wanted to leave but I'm sure he was curious what I was doing. I was staring at the wall behind the couch after all.

"It's kind of infuriating isn't it?"

I asked, looking over the pale greens and blues.

"Um, what is?"

He now seemed very confused. I nodded towards the mural.

"Sometimes when I look at this wall too long I can just imagine myself punching a hole in it."

I half laughed.

"I couldn't tell you how many times I've wanted to offer to paint over it."

I uncrossed my arms, side stepping the couch and touching the wall gently.

"I never really thought about it but it is kind of ugly isn't it?"

He sent me a smile and I couldn't help laughing more.

"Y/n."

I said offering my hand to shake.

"James."

"Firm grip ya got there James."

He rubbed his gloved hands together, looking to the floor as his smile faded.

"Thought I knew my own strength."

I kept the smile on, touching his shoulder gently.

"Hey, a firm grip isn't necessarily a bad thing. Besides, no harm no foul. I'm sure you put it to good use."

I winked at him and he seemed like he didn't know what to do again. Until he let out a nervous laugh.

"Right."

I nodded once, looking back over the wall and dropping my hand from him.

"I should probably get going, doc should be in soon and I wouldn't want to take away from your session."

I walked past him.

"It was nice to meet you James."

As I reached the door he cleared his throat.

"Hey y/n-"

He said quickly and I turned back around to face him. He was fiddling with his fingertips, pinching the leather of the black gloves.

"I uh, don't get out much but I was wondering if you'd like to get a drink. Maybe, talk about how you'd repaint this wall?"

He pointed to it haphazardly, a smile making its way back to his face. In that moment I couldn't help the one creeping it's way across my own lips. I nodded quickly.

"I'd like that a lot James, uh here, you can call or text me at this number and we can work something out."

As I spoke I reached into my bag and pulled out a business card that I probably hadn't used in too long. The edges were fraying and my occupation had changed but I handed it to him anyway. He held it between both hands and looked over it.

"Are you free tonight?"

He asked, hope behind his eyes. I pretended to think for a moment.

"Ya know what I think I am."

I said and his smile got wider.

"Meet me at the bar at the corner of tenth and Jefferson?"

I nodded slowly at his inquisition, backing up into the doorway and squeaking when my back hit the wood.

"Eight o'clock, don't be late."

I said, turning and almost running into Dr Raynor.

"Oh, sorry, uh have a good session."

I mumbled quickly, ducking past her.

"I'll see you tonight James."

°°°°°°°°°

As I sat at the bar alone I began to doubt he was even coming. It was almost nine already and I was starting to think I was stupid for even waiting this long. Maybe I should go. Or maybe I should try to find someone else to talk to. The band was pretty good after all. I sighed and raised my finger to get the bartenders attention. when she turned around i opened my mouth-

"I'll have what she's having."

I heard, looking over to James with wide eyes as he sat beside me. He was wearing a navy blue leather jacket of some kind that exposed his left, metal, arm.

"You actually came."

I said surprised. He seemed almost ashamed.

"Sorry I'm late. My friend needed me and we got a little caught up. I was going to call but-"

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and the top was barely hanging onto the base by a wire. the flip phone kind of took me aback though. but it didnt matter, he showed up.

"It's okay, im just glad you actually came."

He let out a nervous laugh and took a sip of the drink the bartender had sat down.

"I was hoping you'd still wanna talk, even though I'm an hour late."

I nodded, looking over his face as he fully turned to me and my face fell.

"An hour late and bleeding."

I reached towards him and touched his temple gently. He winced at first.

"You wanna get out of here? I can get that fixed up; I only live about a block away."

I suggested and he nodded slowly.

"Uh yeah, I'd like that."

I paid the bartender and stood up, James following me outside. I inhaled deeply at the scent of rain as the sky darkened with clouds.

"So, something life-threatening happen on your way here?"

I asked, laughing a little as he looked to me.

"I'm kidding. Unless it did, in which case I'm glad you're okay."

He scratched the back of his neck, pacing slowly beside me.

"Good talk."

I said and he cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry I just, I don't do this often and I feel like I've already lost my chance with you."

I looked to him and drew my brows.

"would i have invited you to my house if you had?"

he shrugged, side nodding before tucking his hands into his pockets. i frowned when he didnt respond.

"look, james, i think I'll be the judge of whether or not youve lost your chance and right now I say you haven't. but you said you wanted to talk and there's not a whole lot of that going on."

He let out a nervous laugh.

"Why don't you tell me a little about yourself?"

I asked, slipping my right hand into his left elbow and he stopped. He looked down at our arms connected for a second and then I felt bad.

"Sorry, I just uh, figured it'd lighten the mood a bit. Sorry."

I pulled away and kept walking.

"Wait. No, it's just-"

I looked back at him and watched as he opened and closed his hand a few times.

"I don't really associate good things with it so it took me off guard a little bit. You can, uh, you can hold my hand if you want. That's fine."

He stepped closer to me and took my hand in his. I smiled at him and nodded.

"Thanks, I guess I just wasn't really thinking."

We kept walking.

"It doesn't bother you?"

He asked and I shrugged.

"Why would it bother me?"

There was a long silence as we rounded the street corner.

"I don't know."

He said softly.

"Uh, we're here."

I said, letting go of his hand and walking up the stairs to unlock my front door, looking to him as he looked over it. when i offered for him to come inside he hesitated for a moment but followed me in anyway.

"here you can sit here, let me get a look at where this blood is coming from."

he watched as i pulled the stool out form under my breakfast bar and i felt more nervous than before. it had suddenly occurred to me that we would be getting much closer and that led to some pretty self-conscious thoughts. but who was i kidding? he bared himself to me already, why should i be scared?

i inhaled deeply as he sat, moving to turn another light on so i could see better. i moved back over to stand between his legs, touching his jaw lightly and tilting his head down. he kept his eyes on me as i touched the wound gently, hearing his breathing hitch in the back of his throat before i let go to get a cold wash rag.

"so, you wanna tell me what happened?"

i asked, trying to lighten the mood as i came back and began wiping the dried blood away from the cut at his hairline. my finger tips were at his chin and he seemed more relaxed now.

"i was helping a friend."

he repeated like before. i nodded once.

"you live a dangerous life don't you James?"

he looked up at me with innocent eyes.

"bucky."

he said and i raised a brow.

"bucky?"

"thats what my friends call me."

i nodded once.

"are you calling me a friend?"

i asked and he finally cracked a smile.

"if you want to be."

he said and i let out a short laugh.

"and if i dont?"

his smile began to fade and he cleared his throat. i looked to the ceiling for a moment before leaning down and kissing his cheek gently.

"thats not what i meant bucky."

when he looked back up at me he seemed so lost, like this was a new type of kindness. part of my heart broke thinking about what could have happened to lead him here.

"what do you say we call this a trial run? we can take a weekend sometime and maybe go to the art museum down the street, get pizza for lunch, and just have a good time."

he seemed like he was still trying to study me as i put the wash rag on the counter and wiped my wet hands on my jeans.

"no blood, no confusion, just two people having a good time."

i held my hand out for him to shake. he nodded slowly, the smile barely there as he reached for it.

"i think id like that y/n. i think id like that a lot."

[theravencawsatmidnight]

Them Video Games . Pt 1

A very special Non Fandom fic that i care deeply about. I wrote this a few years ago around E3 Time and ive since rewrote it and turned it into a fic with Suna. But this is the rewrite and the one i adore. Its not the full thing because its too long . So ill call this Part One for the time being. I hope you enjoy the read.

W! Nsfw ish. Mentions of body insecurities. One slur. Slight incesty vibes.

I hope you enjoy this as much as me and @squeaky-ducky do. And i hope you fall in love with Toshi like we have 💞

It was early morning and the sun was creeping up to start the day . The sunlight made its way into a medium sized room . It was full of gaming posters. God of War, Overwatch, Tomb Raider and Final Fantasy. The room also had a large desk riddled with games and systems . Ontop sat a big screen tv with little figures in front of it. A dresser was also in the room that was full of figures and had a stack of gaming guides. An alarm was going off … for a long time.

The door to the room opened and a tall boy came in. He was tall with a small build . He was wearing a tank and some jeans . Quietly he went over to the bed to see a small girl asleep with the blanket kicked off . She was wearing Spyro panties and a video game tourney shirt .

The boy leaned down slightly shaking the girl.

“ kiki… kiki…”

Sleeping

“ MISHIKO” he shook her fast waking her up in a panic . He laughed standing up. “ time for school.”

Kiki sat up with a grumpy look on her face and the boy chuckled.

“ but Maaaax” she whined

“ cmon . Or i take the ps4 outta here”

“ nooo!!!!” She jumped outta bed hurrying to the restroom.

Kiki was in the shower trying to hurry to get ready for school, Max went downstairs checking his phone , he sighed up at the stairs when he heard the shower turn off and a door close.

Kiki hurried to get dressed . She pulled on a Playstation shirt and some shorts along with sneakers and rushed downstairs with her backpack on to see Max waiting by the door. He smiled at her and the two got in his car. Kiki was quiet during the ride, she was squeezing her pack looking out the window.

“ do I have to go..” she asked looking over.

“ yes, you do, why don't you see about joining the video game club ?” He pulled into a parking space.

“ I don't know…”

“ adam is in it you know. All you gotta do is ask Toshi to join”

She squirmed before getting out and Max got out too looking over at her.

“ i .. I don't know who that is..”

“ ah well. Uhhhh.” He came over to her side of the car and crouched down pointing to a black Mazda. A tall japanese guy got out holding a backpack that he slung over his shoulder. Max pointed at him and Kiki fell into him shaking her head fast.

“ hes .. hes..” she wiggled.

“ I promise he's nicer then he looks”

Kiki wiggled and they both heard the bell.

“ have a good day kiki” he hugged her and kiki whined when he let her go. They both went into the school but went opposite ways .

Kiki went into her math class to her seat and sat down holding her shorts , she watched more kids come in . Most didn't look at her , or talk to her. Most kids in her grade thought she was a hermit . Class started and Kiki took her book out to take notes and solve problems . She was mostly thinking about video games though. New strategies , new skins, new loot boxes.

“ Mishiko..” said the teacher

She jumped looking up to see everyone looking at her.

“ please pay attention and solve the problem…” asked the teacher. Kiki wiggled in her seat and answered the problem nervously . The teacher nodded in response.

She was right . The kids turned away and Kiki tried to relax.

Max was in class with his friend Adam . He also liked video games and enjoyed football. They sat next to each other to. The teacher instructed the class to work among themselves and Max turned to Adam.

“ i told Kiki about the club , I even showed her Toshi.”

Adam chuckled down at his books .

He was a big kid. Mostly muscle for football and athletics. “ ill ask her again but I don't know man. She seems shy, I wish she would though. No one will join cuz Toshi is so good” said Adam

Max tapped his pencil on his desk and sneaked a peak at his phone. He had a text from Gina. He grinned and elbowed his friend.

“ cover for me?” He asked and Adam agreed rolling his eyes. Max left class and went down the hall to see Gina waiting for him along with another girl . Kera.

They pulled him into the bathroom and into a stall and started to kiss him all over . Toshi was in the computer lab studying up on some game for the first bell . He did not have a first class but came in anyway to study. He leaned in to his hand watching the monitor , blowing air at it. “ almost time for E3.. “ he clicked on an article reading it about the event . He always went , he loved it . But he always went alone. He read the article and some girls came over to try to talk to him . He glanced over.

“ ohayo.” He said

The girls giggled at each other.

“ we were wondering .. if you wanted to join us for some fun?” They smirked.

“ nani?!” He was not amused

“ you know what we mean..”

“ nani?!?” Louder

The girls rolled their eyes leaving and Toshi smiled going back to his article.

The bell rang and Kiki hurried out of the classroom into the hallway. Toshi logged off and got up going to the hallway . He walked a strut almost, but a lazy strut. He was tall. And he took small steps when he walked. Never in any rush. Kiki was hurrying past all the kids down the hall when she passed him. He noticed her shirt and looked back when she passed him and raised an eyebrow then faced forward again. He shrugged his shoulders smiling and strolled into class.

Kiki made it to her class and tried her best to not be noticed. The class was english and the teacher was talking about an upcoming field trip to a museum . She handed out the paper and Kiki read it over. It was in a couple days . The class went on and one of the boys in her class looked over at her a few times. He nudged his friend and he looked up.

“ how come she never talks?” He asked

“ kiki is a video game hermet thats why”

“ yeah all she does is come to school and go straight home” said another kid.

“ I heard she's into freaky stuff too like video game characters” said a girl.

Kiki squeezed her book trying to block them out.

Max emerged from the restroom panting and zipping his pants. The girls came out and waved goodbye walking away. Max leaned on the wall panting and looking around.

“ to be fair. They asked me first” said Toshi. Who was leaning on the corner wall. Max jumped in his skin looking over the corner to see Toshi leaning on it.

“Well.. uh..” Max leaned on the wall next to Toshi.

“ ill take it i guess. Don't gotta work for it.” He said

“ you Americans are interesting. “

“ nab one Toshi you won't regret it”

“ looking for the right one.”

“ good luck” Max said rolling his eyes.

A bell rang and the two made their way to lunch. Kiki rushed out of the room and to the lunch room . Quickly she got her food and went outside to eat alone . She sat down with her back against the brick school and started to eat. Max went outside and sat down with his sister and the two ate their food. She leaned on him sighing and Max smiled down at her .

“ I have a field trip tomorrow..”

“ oh yeah?”

“ yeah just a museum.. “

“Just a museum .” He mocked chuckling and Kiki giggled pushing on her brother.

“ maybe uh.. ill ask .. friday...”

“ I think you should , it will be good for you”

Kiki wiggled around and Max pulled her up hugging her. He squeezed her tight for a minute. Kiki squeezed back whining. He stroked her hail till he realized and let go quickly.

“ c'mon ill take you to class”

Kiki nodded following her brother.

The day went on and eventually school was over. Kiki was waiting by Max’s car for him and Toshi was walking to his car with Adam. Adam waved and Kiki jumped fumbling her backpack trying to wave back. When the two got in the car Toshi looked over Adam and out his window.

“ .. whos that by Max’s car?” He asked

“ oh that's his sister Kiki. Her real names Mishiko though”

Toshi looked closer and noticed her playstation shirt.

“ she's like a huge video game nerd too” he added.

“Hmm..” he drove off.

Max hurried out of the school with some books and greeted his sister. “ sorry , I needed to get some books from my english teacher.”

Kiki smiled and got in the car and so did Max. He drove home and the two watched tv on the couch till Kiki nodded off. Max looked over and slowly moved his hand to her thigh squeezing it. He rubbed gently.

Toshi was up late playing video games and browsing leaderboards. He only had boxers on and bandages around his chest and back . His room was full of trophies and video games. His bed though took up most of the room . He sighed at the boards till he noticed a “KiKi” in the overwatch top 3. He was number one of course . But this girl was number 2., his phone buzzed and Toshi put his controller down to read it.

“ im skipping tomorrow want to come over around 9?”

Max.

Toshi replied and picked his controller back up.

Max looked at his phone and stopped rubbing his sisters thigh to roll his eyes at the text.

“ はい”

“Christ just say yes..” he rolled his eyes putting his phone down and looking at his sister.

It was the next day and Max was dropping Kiki off at school, she looked up at him and he hugged her tightly.

“ your fine. I promise” he assured her.

“ you'll be here at 6?” She asked nervous

“ 6 sharp “ he rubbed her head.

Kiki nodded getting out of the car and boarding the bus. Max drove home and saw Toshi's car already parked. He was leaning on it looking at his phone when Max pulled in.

“ no Adam?” Asked Max getting out of his car .

“ as if Adam would skip school”

The two went into the house and just laze around all day .

“ so i didint know you had a sister Max” Toshi said looking around the house.

“ oh yeah. Kiki. I thought id told you before. She's a sophomore”

“Nope.. didn't know”

Toshi got up going to the kitchen for a drink and Max scratched his lower chest feeling aroused. He sighed at himself trying to think of something. He slipped up to his room trying to fight back the urge. Toshi heard him go upstairs and put his drink down following quietly. He leaned on the wall listening to the door.

“ ughn.. kiki i miss you..” he heard and Toshi peered in but it was too dark to see. He assumed what he was doing and leaned in the doorway .

“ so do you do that all the time or just when she's not here” he smirked .

Max jumped and Toshi flipped the light on to see Max with a hand in his pants.

“ Toshi!!!! God damn it….” Max looked down and away. “Dont tell anyone…”

“ i wont. You should see our porn”

“ WHAT?”

Toshi shrugged his shoulders smiling and strolled out of the room down the hallway. “so where's her room”

Max ran after him grabbing his arm. “ you can't just walk into her room!”

“ but Adam said she's a gaming nerd i wanna see her set up”

“ whats a set up?”

Toshi rolled his eyes opening the door flicking the light on. He peered in and had a grin on his face. It was nice. Playstation and Nintendo, big tv. Stack of games .

Max closed the door and Toshi smiled going back downstairs. Max followed and felt embarrassed still.

“ how are you.. not grossed out?” He asked.

Toshi was feeling his bandages on his back trying not to scratch.

“ because You aren't hurting anything.” He looked over. “ you do you. But I do wanna meet her”

“ she's supposed to ask to join your club at school”

“ mmmm yeah?” He smirked

“ just let her join Toshi…”

“ oh it's not that easy..”

Kiki was on the bus looking out the window. The museum was okay… mostly they listened to lectures about art and sculptures. She was not very interested. The other kids did not bother with her either . She just wanted a friend…

The bus pulled up to the school and Kiki got off running to her brothers car getting in. He smiled and petted her head driving home. Kiki hurried inside and Max grabbed her pack pulling her to him.

“ i'm gonna miss the new loot boxes!!” She whined struggling and Max smiled squeezing her.

“ yeah yeah. Dinner first” he let go going to the kitchen with Kiki following.

Kiki sat down and Max brought their dinner over . They ate their food and Max looked at her a couple times when she was not looking. When they finished Kiki raced upstairs and Max slowly made his way to doing the dishes.

Kiki stayed upstairs for a couple hours playing her video games . She liked to play with all the lights off and the curtains closed. She had just finished opening her last loot box . She rubbed her eyes yawning and looking around. She was lonely . Kiki picked up her phone and looked at her contacts. Just Max and Adam.. she sighed putting it on her night stand. The clock on her tv said 10 pm . Slowly she got up and left her room to not hear the tv on and the lights were off. She knocked gently on Max’s door .

Max was in bed with some music on when Kiki knocked. He yelled for her to come in and she peaked.

“ Max.. can i hang out here… maybe..”. She quietly asked.

Max sat up looking over. He was in pj bottoms and a white shirt

“ yeah.. of course you can” he said quietly

Kiki came in holding the bottom of her shirt blushing and Max’s heart rate increased as he watched her come over. He held his arms out and Kiki hurried into them . Max laid down hugging her and he turned his lights down. The two snuggled while they talked.

“ so.. when do i ask.. to join the club” she asked holding her brothers shirt.

“ well they are there during the off periods , lunch and after school for a bit” he rubbed her back gently.

“ if i eat fast i might ask then…”

“ don't rush yourself Kiki . I can wait for you after school”

“ okay..”

Max held her tightly and let out a big sigh.

“ kiki..”

“ yes?” She looked up but it was dark so she could not see. He stroked her hair for a minute.

“ im just happy you can come talk to me…”

Kiki rolled to her stomach to lay on and hugged her brother tight.

“ me too.. I love you'' Max ``

“ i love you kiki..” he squeezed her and the two listened to music all night.

It was morning and Max was shaking Kiki to wake her up . She whined rolling off of Max and hugging his arm. He sighed watching her and reached over to rub her butt gently.

“ cmon wake up. You can sleep in tomorrow” he said

Kiki whined opening her eyes and sitting up.

“ what are you gonna do today?” He asked trying not to look at her thighs.

“ ask.. about the club..”

“ yes you are” he pet her head smiling and Kiki slid over him and went to the shower. Max waited till he heard the shower and slipped his hand in his pjs groaning.

Once everyone was ready the two went to school. Kiki was a nervous wreck the whole day. Would Toshi let her join? She was so paranoid that she did not hear the other kids in her classes talking about her.

The final bell rang and Kiki hurried out of her class and to the upper classes hallway. Her legs hurt since she was on the bottom floor. She peeked into the hallway to see Juniors and Seniors making their way to the stairs. She jumped when some of them said hello and complimented her gamer shirt. She spotted Max and ran over and he hugged her smiling.

“ just go down the hall, last door on the left Kiki”

She nodded fast still hugging and some of the seniors chuckled as they passed.

“ cmon you can do it” he slowly peeled her off of him.

“ ill be at the car” he petted her head and followed some of his friends.

Kiki held her shirt looking around the now empty hall and closed doors . Slowly she walked down the hall to the only open door. It said Computer Lab on the wall . She could hear talking and button mashing along with some music.

Kiki peaked in to see Toshi and Adam playing a game on a computer . She tried to sneak in but she bumped a nearby chair making it squeak. She jumped hugging the wall and the boys looked over. Adam jumped up and hugged her.

“HEY KIKI!!!” He squeezed making her whine and try to get loose. “ are you gonna join finally?!?”

“ augh let go!!! Adaaaam!!!” She whined till he let go .

Kiki held her chest looking at Toshi . He was… she slumped into the wall and Toshi smirked going over and leaning down till he was eye level .

“ you must be Mishiko…”

Her heart jumped. No one ever called her real name..

“ yes i.. I wanted to.. join” she said quietly

He smiled looking over over. Now he knew why Max liked her so much. She was cute and tiny.

Toshi held a controller in front of her face.

“ beat me in Overwatch and you can join. Three outta three”

Kiki grabbed the controller grinning . Toshi smiled at her standing back up and the two went to sit down in front of the computer. Toshi leaned back in his sit looking over at her. She didn't look nervous in the slightest . She had on a Ubisoft shirt and blue shorts with sneakers and thigh highs. He smiled at the thigh highs and Adam let them know it was starting soon.

A half hour later Toshi’s controller was in half and on the floor. The screen said “WINNER. KIKI & JUNKRAT” the chalkboard had three tallys on it for Kiki. Toshi was very … very silent. Kiki was shaking and looking at Adam but he looked just as surprised as her. The sound the controller made made her jump and look over at Toshi. He was huffing heavily, the bandages on his arm looked like they were being strained from his fist . Kiki slowly set the controller down and slowly got up. She should leave… he's angry… this was a bad idea…

Toshi whipped out of his seat in front of Kiki putting his hands on her shoulders sitting her back down.

“ …...how……” he ordered.

“Wah!!!” She jumped hiding being her hands. “ I WATCH A LOT OF STRATEGY STUFF IM SORRY. “ she whined through her hands. “ I can replace the controller…!!!!”

Adam was about to intervene but Toshi stood up and looked at him in disbelief. Adam nodded very fast. They both looked down at Kiki . She was hiding behind her hands with her knees touching.

Toshi stretched smiling.

“ ahhh…. baka… you can join” he chuckled

Kiki peaked through her hands up at the boy.

“ but to repay me your gonna come over tomorrow.” He smiled down at her and Kiki nodded fast and left in a flash

It was just Toshi and Adam in the computer lab. Toshi slowly picked up his broken controller and Adam quietly packed up the system. Toshi squeezed the controller again making Adam look over.

“ uh ..Toshi..” Adam said quietly.

“Well well well….” he threw his pack over his shoulder walking out of the room . His steps were heavy down the hall and down the stairs. He was on his way to the last floor when he stopped to look out the window. Kiki was running to Max’s car . He grinned and kept walking .

The car ride was quiet , she must of beat Toshi .

“ sooo.. what game was it?”

“ Overwatch…”

Max nearly missed the light .

“ you beat Toshi in Overwatch?!?”

“ yes!! He broke his controller and … told me to come over tomorrow”

Max pulled up to the house not saying anything. Kiki got out running inside and Max dialed Toshi

Toshi was already home and looking at the broken controller in his hand when his phone rang.

“ ohayo” he said

“ so what exactly do you plan to do with my sister tomorrow?”

Toshi made his way to his room to lie down. He ginned looking up at his ceiling.

“Friendly gaming Max. I'd never hurt your little sister”

“I swear Toshi if you try anything”

“Nani?!?”

“I mean it !”

“Uh huh.” He hung up smirking.

It was the morning of the next day and Kiki was still asleep. Max was awake in bed, he did not sleep much, he was caught up on his sister going to Toshi’s house. He trusted Toshi, he wouldn't try anything. Right?..

Max’s phone buzzed , he rubbed his face lifting his phone up to look at the text.

“She can come over whenever. I'm awake.” -Toshi

“Don't try anything.” -Max

“🤷🏻” -Toshi

Max groaned putting his phone down hugging his pillow. He heard Kiki after a while going down the stairs and the door opening.

[bluedraggy]

Beatrice Santello Part 2 - #17

Life slowing down my writing a little, but no fears. Far from dead.

Image by Kilinah.

Bea and Mae spent the afternoon strolling down the beachfront, looking at the hot bodies and stopping into some stores to try to find a bathing suit for Mae. Bea had decided her own underwear was close enough and that really no one would know the difference.

In the end they decided on just getting some orange bottoms that fit with Mae’s T-shirt that were on clearance.  But Bea convinced her that they were cute when she belted the T-shirt with a complimentary blue-colored frilly sash. Then they stopped into a little shop and bought a couple of virgin piña coladas that they drank while people-watching.

“Oh my god, would you look at this guy in the white trunks?” Mae whispered and Bea glanced in the direction she was pointing.

As if the rippling abdomen wasn’t enough, the guy was packing.

“Fake. Stuffed some socks down there I bet,” Bea whispered back. “Besides, I thought you...”

Mae shrugged. “If you recall, I never actually said, did I? Besides, I can appreciate a good looking body as well as you, Ankh Goddess!”

“How about those two?” Bea said, indicating a pair of girls following the guy.

“Nice! I think that one on the left might be bigger than me! Say Bea, you wanna rent some skates or something? Suddenly I feel like doing something… active.”

“Feeling a little out of shape? Yeah. Me too. Let’s go see what we can find.”

They tried renting some roller skates, but neither Bea nor Mae could manage to keep from falling over on them, so they turned them back in.

“Hey! Let’s go in the water!” Mae suggested next.

Bea looked at her askance. “Mae, do you even know how to swim?”

“No. But we can’t go to the beach without getting our feet wet!”

Bea sighed, but followed anyway.  The water was cold, but against the heat of the day it felt good and they got used to it quickly.  But they soon got bored and just walked down the water’s edge looking for pretty shells.

“Hey!” called someone and Bea looked up.

Three guys were standing at a volleyball net. Not bad looking guys either, if a little young.

“Hey!” came the voice again, from the fox-guy holding the volleyball. “You girls wanna play?”

Bea looked around to see who he might be talking to. Mae looked up too.

“You mean us?” she called back.

“Sure! Come on, we won’t bite!” 

Mae looked at Bea who shrugged. 

“Can you play volleyball?” Bea asked Mae.

“Not really. We used to play in school some though.”

The guy was coming over to them.

“Come on, we’ve only got three. It’ll be fun. You can both be on my team!”

“We suck,” Bea said before regretting the choice of words.

“No problem. It’s just for fun,” he said, ignoring the opportunity for a risque pun, and immediately Bea started to like him better.

She looked back at Mae, but Mae was already heading towards the court.

“I guess so! I’m Bea. That’s Mae. We’re not from around here. Just visiting.”

“Glad to meet you Bea. I’m Kurt. Jeff’s the gator and the little shit is my brother Jon.”

Bea followed him back. “We really do suck, Kurt. Like… I’m not kidding.”

“Good. Maybe we’ll look better!  Here. You serve. Just stand behind that rope and hit it over the net.”

“Okaaaaay…” she said, taking the ball.

She threw it in the air… and promptly blinded herself. The ball hit her head.

“Crap.”

Jeff and Jon laughed, and Bea threw the ball over to their side in disgust.

“Don’t worry about it Bea,” Kurt reassured her.

Jon served next. Fortunately it was rather soft. Mae got under it and bounced it back up. Kurt then bounced it up again right in front of Bea. She recognized his intent and jumped as high as she could. She didn’t get a solid hit on the ball, but it was enough to send it over the net - barely -  where Jeff tried to block it, but it just hit his chest and fell to the ground.

“Nice Bea!” Mae said, and she couldn’t help but grin a little. Kurt served the next time but it went out of bounds.

“See,” Kurt said. “We suck too.”

“You do anyway!” his brother taunted.

“Shut up pipsqueak.” Kurt said while Jon served the next ball.  

The rest of the game was a comedy of errors, but amazingly the boys screwed up almost as much as Mae and Bea did. They played on for about an hour before calling it quits.

“That was fun,” Jeff said as they all headed back to the water to get cooled off. “You girls here long?”

“Na,” Mae said. “We gotta head back later after the party.”

“Party? What party?” 

“We don’t really know. We were invited to a party at the pier tonight. But we gotta head back home by ten.”

“Sounds like Lame Ken’s party,” Kurt said.

“Are you guys going?” Mae asked as they splashed into the water.

“Me and Jon can’t. Got a family thing tonight. But Jeff could go.”

“Yeah, if you two are coming, I’ll go. What time will you be there?”

“Probably around eight I guess,” Bea figured. “Is that too early?”

“Still light out. Party won’t really start till after dark at nine, but if you’ll be there, I’ll come early.”

“Great!” Mae laughed.  “Now, how about somebody teach me how to surf!”

Kurt and his brother snorted. “On these dinky waves? Good luck with that.”

The afternoon passed and they had a pretty good, low-key time with the three locals until Bea felt it was time to be heading back.

“Well, good to meet you guys!” Mae said as they started heading back down the beach.”

“Yeah!” Bea echoed. “And see you later Jeff!”

“Hey, you want to give us your phone number? We’ll text you!”

Bea looked at Mae, who shook her head.

“You won’t believe it, but we don’t have cell phones.”

“What!?” Kurt exclaimed.

“Where on earth are you girls from? No cell phones? Are you like, from overseas or something?” Jon joined in.

Bea laughed. “Practically.. Possum Springs.”

“Never heard of it.”

“Not surprised. But we’re on IM,” Bea explained and gave them their ID numbers.

“Cool. Thanks! Maybe we’ll meet again sometime?”

“Maybe. Later!”

“Bye!”

Mae looked at Bea as they went back to their car.  “Well that was pretty fun!”

“I suppose.”

“Do you like Jeff?”

Bea shrugged. “I probably should, being another gator. Pretty good looking but kinda young.”

Mae nodded. “Yeah. They all were cute. Jon’s a kid though.”

They got back into the car after brushing off all the sand they could. 

“I think they’re all in high school, Mae. At least that’s the impression I got.”

“Yeah. Jailbait.”

They drove back to Jen’s house with Mae hanging her feet out of the window, but Bea was in a good mood so she didn’t complain.

[feel199x]

♥*♡∞:｡.｡ dance the night away*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

college!au, dance major!felix, female!reader, ballet dancer!reader

masterlist

words: 1292

a/n: uhh,, heyo im new so this may not Be The Best,, so I apologize if there are mistakes or you know...it’s just bad. thanks for reading! this,, will be a series mayhaps,,  ʕ ˵• ₒ •˵ ʔ

warnings: perfectionism? im not sure?

You thought that college was going to be a lot better than high school, even if the improvement was small, some improvement is better than none at all. This feeling was never stronger than the first day of the semester. On the first day of the semester, you had been the first to arrive in your lecture hall for an eight am psych class. At first, you were worried that you were in the wrong room, but eased into your seat as the professor confirmed that you were, in fact, in the right hall. Your plan was simple, if you arrived early, it would set a better impression- and you’d strike some conversation with the people around you. You wanted to make friends, because it had to be better than high school. You wanted an authentic, true college experience. The second person to walk in was a boy, and man you wanted to give him the entire world when he smiled at you. You tapped your foot anxiously as he quickly made his way towards you.

“I hope you don’t mind that I sit here,” he said and stuck out his hand towards you, “I’m Lee Felix.”

“It’s alright,” you said, “My name is ___.”

“What do you major in, ___?”

“Dance. I do ballet.”

“No way! Me too. Well, not ballet, I do hiphop!”

You were surprised at how deep voice is, wondering where he got all that bass in his voice from. You probably should’ve been paying attention to what he was saying, but you ended up staring at his freckles, trying to silently count them. They were little flecks of gold against his skin, paint splatter, a constellation of young stars.

“___? ___!”

You snapped out of it, cheeks tinting a peachy color. “Sorry,” you mumbled, “What is it?”

“Do you have a pencil?”

You widened your eyes and nodded, relieved that he hadn’t caught you weirdly staring at his face. You dug through your bag to find your pencil case, and pulled one out for him.

“Your pencil case is really cute.”

“Oh! Thanks.”

It was a strawberry milk pencil case you had gotten recently, you were about to ask him if he’d like one but the conversation was interrupted. And with that, the lecture started, and you hadn’t even noticed that the hall had filled up.

You planned on talking to Felix after the lecture ended, but he said he had to hurry out to his dance class because it started soon and was all the way across campus.

The next day, you had brought in another strawberry milk pencil case as a token of friendship, but Felix didn’t show up to the lecture the next morning. You saw him briefly in the building dedicated to the performing arts on your way to an advanced ballet class, but he was in a large group of boys. He waved politely at you, but didn’t leave the group of friends to come and talk.  

That day, the second day of the first semester, your first year in university, was when your instructor let the class know that there would be a mandatory showcase- and you had to be in a duo or a group up to four. No solos. It was no problem, you befriended someone during the lesson, and would practice every week.

Felix had come the next day, and you presented him with the pencil case.

“This is so sweet,” he wiped a fake tear, “Thank you, ___. But I need to borrow a pencil.”

“Again?”

“The past is in the past, listen to Elsa, ___. Let it go.”

You snorted, but gave him another pencil anyway. Felix opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again, opting to give you a smile. At night, when you were looking through your pencil case for a pen to write down something your mom was telling you, you found a little scrap of paper with a number in it. As soon as your mom ended the call, you texted the number on the scrap piece of paper.

you: is this felix?

xxxxxx : uh yeah i sure hope it is

You couldn’t help but smile, it was already an improvement from high school. And clearly, the both of you shared as a similair sense of humor, even intrests.

lix: has sent you an image

You laughed out loud of the picture he sent you, and even the ones he had sent after that. Everything was turning out okay, with Felix anyway. But things started going downhill soon after that. University got stressful, and the advanced ballet lessons were getting hard to keep up with. You struggled to maintain your position as the top ballet dancer, and you were overworking yourself in all your other classes too. And then, as the first semester ended, so did the partnership with the person from your ballet class. No explanation was offered, you were just blocked on everything, and was ignored when you tried to bring up during class. You tried bringing it up to the instructor, but she said there was nothing neither you or she could do.  

Later that day, you met up with Lix for lunch, mostly to rant about your situation. He sat your strawberry smoothie down as you continued.

“And I was just blocked!” you said exasperatedly, “Like, on everything! My choreography was stolen!”

He nodded, having heard this the night before, and the day before that, and during your final review in psych.

“What if I was your partner?” he blurted, “I could be your partner.”

“Yes!” you hadn’t thought about the implications or how Felix hadn’t mentioned the lack of a partner, “Oh my god, lix I could kiss you right now.”

Shock rippled through his face until his freckles were under a mess of red. “Yeah,” he muttered, “Felix to the rescue.”

The both of you agreed to meet in the practice room at three, but once you were in advanced ballet, it started to slip from your mind. You hadn’t expected the mood to be that difficult, because you had done it before. As the class continued, you grew frustrated as everyone watched you be unable to nail the butterfly move. Eventually, even your instructor grew frustrated and let you rest as the rest of the class nailed the moves without as much as breaking a sweat.

“I’m disappointed to say the very least,” your instructor said after she asked you to stay back, “Don’t come to class until you’ve nailed that move. I know you can do it.” Your fist turned white as you listened to her scold you. You knew the instructor just wanted you to be the best dancer you could, but that phrase too many times before. ‘I’m dissapointed,’ and ‘You could do so much better,’ or ‘You’re not trying hard enough.’ And the problem is, you always were. Pushing yourself, doing your best.

But you stayed in the practice room.

You hadn’t even noticed Felix walk in and sit, watching you until finally, finally you had nailed the butterfly move. You were sweating, hair clinging to your face, and hands perfectly poised in the air. And when you looked at yourself, through the mirror, you saw a smiling Felix.

“Oh god,” you said, “I completely forgot. The instru-”

 “Just take a rest. We don’t have to practice today.”

You collapsed onto Felix, head in his lap. “I know I look gross right now,” you muttured, “But if you tell me to get off, I’m yelling at you.”

You scanned the mirror for Felix’s reaction as he stroked your hair. He was looking down at you, softly.

“I think you’re really pretty,” he murmured, “I’ve never seen you dance before.”

[thenamesseven]

You glanced up at the clock hanging on your kitchen's wall and smiled when you realized Hyunjin would come in 30 minutes. He had insisted on hanging out at your place because he claimed that the guys unintentionally -and sometimes intentionally- interrupted your "alone" time. You totally understood though, you found normal that it was difficult to have some private time in a house where nine guys are living.

Anyways, the thing was that Hyunjin wouldn't even take a shower at the dorms like he usually did, he would get in the car as soon as Chan ended practice and come straight to your place with clean clothes and all the creams and facial stuff he needed to keep himself handsome. Honestly, you thought Hyunjin didn't need that stuff, he's a natural when it comes to beauty.

Knowing he will be incredibly hungry when he comes, you took your laptop and ordered a pizza with extra bacon and cheese apart from some fries and fried chicken. Nights like this, in which he could stay at your place with you were pretty rare and you only felt like spoiling him with all the food he wanted, cuddles and cheesy words.

Even when he complained about you wanting to make him fat so his fans wouldn't love him anymore. Just Hyunjin and his whiny mood.

You were sitting on your couch, cuddled up under a blanket and focused on the latest episode of the new serie you were watching when you heard your door being unlocked. Instantly, you assumed that would be Hyunjin since he was the only one who had a spare key for your place. You gave it too him after he woke you up a couple of times really late at night when he felt like visiting you after shooting an M/V or some show his group was attending.

Usually Hyunjin would make a bee line to your shower before even greeting you, that's why you didn't even turn around to look at him. Today he had something else in mind, Hyunjin suddenly jumped from the back of your couch making his body land on yours in all his sweaty glory.

"Babe!" You groaned looking up at him, ready to start complainning about his sweaty body being pressed against yours until you saw the innocent yet boyish smile on his face staring up at you.

"Practice was so long, I wanted to come here so bad" He groaned back complaining, wrapping his arms and legs around you so you couldn't move before he started leaving lots of kisses around your face "I. Missed. You. So. Much" He whispered making you laugh.

"Hyunjin!" You shouted making him chuckle, his arms holding you even stronger

"Get in the shower with me, come on" He asked mischiviously, grinning as he pecked your cheek.

"Get off me you perv!" Gathering all your strength you pushed him away, Hyunjin stood up quickly before you threw him off onto the ground.

"Fine! Fine! I'll go shower all lonely!" He shouted, raising his hands. He was holding back his laughter.

It only took him around six minutes to take a shower, you really wanted to know what was his secret to clean himself so fast but the only answer you would get from him was probably a smirk acompained by 'get in the shower with me and find out' and that wasn't happening any time soon.

When Hyunjin walked back into the living room he was wearing gray pants and a white hoodie, a towel on his neck to prevent his dripping wet hair to leave water stains on your floor.

"You're going to get sick if you don't dry your hair, it's so cold tonight Hyunjin" You said looking up at him, Hyunjin just smiled lovingly and plopped down onto the couch next to your body, pulling your blanket to make you share it with him.

"I won't get sick like this" He answered embracing you with his arms, pressing a gentle kiss on your temple

"What's with you today?" You smiled looking down at him, poking his cheek gently, a gesture that only made him smile even more.

"I just missed you" He said softly, cupping your cheeks before he leaned down to peck your lips "And now that we have some time to ourselves I just want to spoil you with hugs, cuddles and kisses without the kids teasing us" He muttered against your lips, chuckling.

“You sound like an old dad” You couldn’t help but let out a loud laugh seeing his confused face, frowning as he tried to comprehend if you were insulting him or just messing around.

Right when he was about to say something which probably a sassy reply, your doorbell rang and you knew your dinner had finally arrived. Hyunjin looked at you confused as you moved away from him, he was probably trying to guess if that was food you ordered or the guys that had decided to visit you two.

Relief washed the concern from his face when he saw you coming back into the living room with the pizza box and fried chicken. He brought the small coffe table you had closer to the couch and right there, sitting beside him both of you ate like if you had been starving yourself for days.

"Im going to get scolded for eating so much" He muttered resting his head on your shoulder cutely as he munched on a piece of fried chicken "But God knows I love it so much when you buy all kinds of unhealthy food for me" You couldn't help but laugh.

"You'll lose most of the calories tomorrow so you won't get scolded" You answered nudging him.

The rest of your talking was just casual. Both of you shared stuff that had happened these last few days you hadn’t been able to meet. Hyunjin told you about how the stress was making all the guys a little tense, how it got more stressful the closer they were to their comeback and you simply talked about a couple of projects you were doing for University and some tests you’ll have in the following days. Even though his life was more interesting for you than yours, Hyunjin always showed interest in what you told him even if you were just talking about stuff you learned in class.

When both of you were done eating you didn’t even bother to stand up and start cleaning since Hyunjin forced you to lay down next to him to watch a movie he had found in Nextflix and had been waiting lots of days to watch it with you. You had both of his arms wrapped around you to keep you close to his warm body, his head on yours so he could lean down and leave gentle pecks on your skin whenever he wanted. You’ve never felt better, it felt like you were in the right place. Like you could live in his arms forever.

However in the middle of the movie, your phone started buzzing. Scoffing a little bothered you reached down to turn it off so nobody could annoy your time with Hyunjin but when you spotted Jisung’s name on the screen you couldn’t help but read his texts. The party was being celebrated tomorrow, the guys had taken advantage of Hyunjin’s absence in the dorms to stay at the practice room and decorate everything. At first, you weren’t too sure about leaving them to do everything by themselves but Chan promised things wouldn’t get out of hand and that they would do their best for Hyunjin. You trusted Chan but you didn’t trust the rest of the guys since all of them were a little bit mischevious, even Jisung himself. Anyways Jisung had texted you because he wasn’t sure were you had hidden the bags of balloons.

Rolling your eyes a little and checking Hyunjin wasn’t looking down at your phone you sent a text telling him the balloons where hidden in the small cupboard behind all their water bottles. After texting you they had finally found it, Jisung stopped texting for five minutes right before blowing up your phone once again. You guessed he wasn’t the only one texting you, that it was probably the guys using his phone to send you most of their doubts like ‘do we leave the balloons on the floor? Where do we place the presents? Change of plans, no present hunting or At what time will Hyunjin get here tomorrow?’ Your patience was starting to reach its limit, you were promising yourself you wouldn’t organize another surprise party for your boyfriend no matter what when his voice suddenly interrupted all of your thoughts.

“Who's is texting you so much?” Hyunjin asked frowning, you jumped a kittle surprised with your phone almost slipping out of your hands, making your behaviour seem kind of skittish.

“My mom” The lie got out of your lips before you could even stop it. It was okay though, tomorrow would be all over and Hyunjin would understand why you and the guys had been acting so weird recently. One more lie wouldn’t hurt him too much.

“Your mom?” He frowned looking down at you, his eyes drifting to your phone which you quickly blocked so he couldn’t read the messages on your screen “What does your mom want at almost 1 am? Is somebody in your family sick or something?” You couldn’t help but feel a little bad at his worried tone.

“Uh no, she just knows I’m studying and wanted to make sure I wouldn’t go to bed too late” He still looked not convinced at all but decided to drop the subject, the last thing he wanted to do right now was argue with you.

Unfortunately somebody else decided to send another text and this time, Hyunjin had been staring at your phone to read the name of the person who dared to disturb your time with him. His blood started boiling as soon as he realized it was Jisung.

“Your mom?” It must have been the stress he had accumulated from work or the frustration towards Jisung he had since the other night at the dorms what was making Hyunjin explode. “Why is your mom using Jisung’s number to text you?”

“Uhm...He-”

“Give me your phone (Y/N)” He sat up quickly, almost making you fall down from the couch. His order was a test, you had never minded when Hyunjin was using your phone because you didn’t have anything to hide but now, since you couldn’t give it to him because of the party, he would know you were hiding something from him.

“I can’t”

“What do you mean you can’t?” His frown became deeper, his expression being a mix of anger and confusión

“I just can’t Hyunjin, let’s keep watching the movie” You sighed, attempting to lay back down on the couch with him but he pushed you up, keeping you up.

“Screw the movie I want to know what’s going on here” He stood up from the couch, pacing away from you before he turned around to look into your eyes.

“What do you mean Hyunjin?” You asked confused looking at him, your conversation was going a way you didn’t like at all. You could feel how screwed up this situation was going to be.

“What is going on between you and Jisung?” He asked shaking his head, running his fingers through his hair nervously “And don’t you dare say nothing because I’ll just snap at you, be honest”

“There’s nothing going on between Jisung and I” You replied standing up, facing him.

“Bullshit” He said mad “Admit it (Y/N). First all those little secrets you're keeping from me. Then you go out to the shopping mall so many times with him instead of ME your boyfriend and now texting him in our time alone? Are playing with me? Is this a weird kink of yours or something?"

You knew it was his anger speaking but you couldn’t stop the pain in your chest “You think I would cheat on you, Hyunjin?”

“You tell me, you’re the one hanging out with another guy doing God knows what when you have a boy-”

“Get out”

You cut his sentence before he could even finish it. You understood he might have got mad at you for hanging out with Jisung a bit more often than usual, that maybe he could have got mad at the way you and the guys were keeping things from him. But accusing you of cheating?

That was a whole new level.

“What?” You watched the anger slowly drainning from his face when he realized what he had said in the heat of the moment. Hyunjin instantly regretted it. He took a step forward to grab your hand but you stepped backwards to avoid him.

“Get out Hyunjin” Your voice broke and your vision started becoming blurry with the thousands of tears that were about to fall from your eyes. You wrapped your arms around youself feeling cold now that he wasn't there to embrace you.

“Baby I’m-”

“Get out, I’m tired and I want to go to sleep” You opened your door for him and with his eyes on the floor, he exited your apartment. Once outside he turned around to say something but you cut him off again “Enjoy your birthday party tomorrow, thank the guys for preparing everything, I won’t be able to attend”

You closed the door after that letting the information you gave him sink in his brain, realizing what had been going on between you and Jisung all this time.

That night, when you got to your bed you were drenched in tears, same as Hyunjin, who turned into a sobbing mess as soon as he stepped into the dorm.

[shipwrecknights]

SANDIPURWARA 2K19

Ok this is gonna be the longest post ever but i HAVE to write this so bear with me

My annual school theatre production just ended yesterday and the post production blues are at an all-time high. I am terrible at farewells; I’m not a very sentimental guy, not very expressive and I can’t articulate affection well without preparation first. This isn’t my first production, in fact it’s my fourth. I have literally been through this every year for four years in a row and every time it hits hard but this year the feeling is nearly overwhelming. My family and friends always ask my why i keep going back, seeing that the trainings take so much out of me every year. But the fact is, they will never understand. The love that i receive in return from this production....my god. These people are really my family. Never have i met a group of people so easy to talk to, to confide in, who complains so much about having to train and yet come back every day and give it their 80% (lol). I am SO thankful that they are in my life. I’ve watched this project grow over the years and these people have also watched me grow; from an actor in Ziarah and Cinta Mawar, to a scriptwriter in Kalbu and finally a stage manager in Sandipurwara. In 2015 i was a boy with literally no friends in uni, no interest at all in Malay theatre and now I have a 50+ pax strong family gained over the years. In no particular order, these are just some of the people that made Sandipurwara so special for me: To the PDs: Thank you for pulling me into this show. I was adamant about joining intro this year because i felt that i had to move on in life, and that 3 years was a nice number to leave at. When Halijah texted me (nearly begging) to take up the role as ASM, I just thought what the heck. She is my friend and I should help. Halijah and i met in 2016 during Ziarah. We were both cast members and we weren’t close close, but close enough to joke around every day. I always thought she was hilarious. And a very talented actor. She’s the kind of person that makes everyone in the room laugh with her crazy antics, even when the mood is tense, which was almost always the case. I always say to her “Tu lah siapa suruh jadi PD,” not to mock her capability, but just as a running joke because we were always one of the lazy ones who just wanted to go for smoke breaks during training. And yet there she was this year leading the whole ass project. She has balls. The shit that she went through this year. I feel so sorry for always being honest with you, about your leadership style, about the first script that we all turned down, for always replying to you in a stern, I’m-pissed-off manner. You don’t deserve all that. But I’m honest because I always knew you could be better. Four years is a long time!!! You are essentially like my baby sister now. I hope we can hang out more often, go to gigs together maybe. Anyways you fucking did it jah. I couldn’t be more proud of you, couldn’t be more proud to have worked under you. Some people were skeptical when you wanted to be PD but you definitely proved them wrong. I will never forget you and Zu during Ziarah, acting in the training room at block A level 5, getting scolded by Abang Mok, and crying, and STILL continuing the comedy scene. All with tears rolling down your face. Fuck. You were trying so hard and that made me wanna cry too. Congrats Jah. I love you so much and thank you for everything. (anyways emo night pe) As for Naj, we also met in 2016. She acted as the mother of my best friend in the show, and she really suited the role LOL kidding. But Naj is a good actor and dancer, AND a brilliant admin person, something that I can never do ever. What i like about her the most is that she is quiet, takes all the shit she receives and just get the work done without much noise. Basically the opposite of us all. This year she took up the role of APD, and did it while still being herself. I’ve always respected her, seeing her take up so many important roles the past few years. Someone once said to me, Naj is like one of the most senior person here, starting all the way from Iman, but never once did she mention that or use it as a way to assert her seniority. Thank you Naj. The world needs more humble + hardworking people like you <3 And then there’s Shakir. Fucking hell, where do i start. I wasn’t too fond of you when I first met you. Your face and mouth sometimes really mintak kene rembat. But one day it really hit me (and it upset me quite a bit): YOU ARE JUST LIKE ME. Hahahaha fuck we were both cursed with the dying need to speak our minds and filter absolutely nothing. I guess from that day on I just learnt to tolerate your shit because I understand you. You’re probably the most articulate guy in all the intros (but not in malay obviously). Even though your rhyming poems are corny as hell, I respect that you always speak to us in such a concise and inclusive manner, always try to get your opinion across as tactfully as possible, always thinking of how others would feel, even when you’re an insensitive fuck deep down. You always try to mingle with all the departments, which makes it look like you’re friendly, but we all know you just don’t want to feel FOMO. You are the APD that no one wanted but we all NEED. I’m glad we got a bit closer this year because I feel that being so alike, we can learn a lot from each other. Its a shame we didn’t get to see the Jacket Pelacur ™ this year, but we all know you’re busy making moves silently and to that I wish you all the best. I will never forget out stressful trip finding paint and kain, the girls searching for our felt pads while we stand around doing nothing at Spotlight, and you asking me about haram keropok at Daiso wihle I’m almost crying about the damn skirting. Also, good luck with your stint as the MCMS president. You are the first malay-muslim club president that constantly sleeps in girl’s laps, says the f-word, says Bismillah at the end of a speech instead of the beginning, and changes pants at the storage area without the conscience of even closing the door. You do you bro. I will pray that you see the light and be a better person, but thank you for constantly checking up on me and always being a brother. Love you bro #idkmanidk

To my SM Irfan: Bro. Brooooooo. You are one helluva guy. Sometimes I felt that you were overemotional about many things, something that an insensitive guy like me could never understand. But the more you opened up to me, the more I learnt to understand that you just have a very big heart. You get stressed very easily by very small things people say. But that always pushed you to work harder. I always look at you working so hard to plan our PT/crew sessions, and yet some nights you text me shit like im sorry, i feel like im not doing enough as an SM. BRUH. Kau stop it. But that really sums up what kinda person you are. Truly a humble guy that just wants to go around spreading joy to people with his lame-ass puns. I couldn’t have had a better partner. It was tough doing SM things with no third ASM, and come to think of it we been through so many obstacles that only you and I know about. Constantly texting each other about the shit we have yet to do and don’t know how to do, skyping till 3am at night when there’s training at 10am the next morning. It was a great learning process working alongside you. When we hugged just before the last show, you immediately started to cry and that made me tear up, so I pulled away and got the fuck away from you because I didn’t wanna cry as hard. We are two very ugly criers. I am truly sorry if i have ever wronged you, went away to smoke while you’re busy doing stage work, raised my voice at you, and especially sorry that I made you plan all the PT sessions by yourself. I’m sorry if i ever made your life more stressful. Thank you for showering the crew babies with so much love and attention on my behalf. I think your leadership was more than sufficient and that without you, this show couldn’t have been what it was. Love you Erphie baby To Fitri: FITTTTT. I think you were the one who pulled me into auditioning for the first production in 2016. I rmb just randomly coming to the audition and you were being over-appreciative, thanking me for coming haha. You’ve been there for me right from the start. Always supporting me in everything I do, no matter how shitty my acting was, and no matter how bad I was at script writing. You really are the mother of Introspeksi. But you are also like my sister, my teacher, my maid, my best friend, and my girlfriend (rarely). Truly the MVP of Introspeksi, you always selflessly help the PDs and casts every single year, shower us with love and push us to grow. I love that you always tell us to renew our niat whenever we come for training in order to help us get through the exhaustion, the scoldings, and everything negative. I feel sad whenever you get scolded by Abang Mok because I know you’re just trying your hardest to prolong the legacy of this special project. Even though you’re not the pioneer PD of Intro, I feel that you’re the one that started this big family because thanks to you we’re all involved in this crazy business. There’s really nothing I can do to repay you so I’ll just say thank you, for making my life in uni much much better. Continue being the strong, independent and ambitious woman that you are and I’m very sure you’ll be very successful one day. Love you Fit you’re my idol <3

To Zahir: My man. Another person that I’ve been through so much with. I miss our days with izzah and the bebs, sitting at the skatepark and under void decks till 3am, literally laughing till we cry. Those days I will never forget. Acting alongside you in Cinta Mawar, playing two really redundant roles, was also a fun experience although you were upset that your scenes were cancelled on show day hahaha. I knew you always wanted to act some more ever since that show. And then there’s Kalbu, writing the script with you was one hell of an experience, kita kene kecam every training by everyone, script lambat script lambat, script lambat macam cb. (f u shakir) No one knew how hard it was to write such a serious script under close scrutiny of two PDs, numerous advisors, and ofc Abang Mok. And yet I think we managed to have some, if not most, of our ideas remain in the final cut of the script and I’m still very proud of that. I’m sorry for all the times I scolded you, saying you weren’t putting in enough effort, etc. This year you finally got casted as a main and bro I’m so fucking proud of you. Wasn’t confident with your acting at first but during the show, as i watch you and Hidhir from the side curtain, i thought to myself, damn these guys r really trying so hard and it’s really paying off. Your role was really made for you and I’m so happy that your goofing off on stage actually made the show 10x more entertaining. Dalam diam, you’ve contributed so much to the club, and introspeksi, and you did it all while always making everyone laugh. You’re really a one-of-a-kind friend and we all love you. Didn’t really get to show my appreciation to you after Kalbu (idk why we all never post anything) but bro thank you for everything, thanks for the hard work, thanks for all the laughs, for the lepak/jam sessions, the (two) fitspo sessions, for the subtle looks/touches whenever a cute girl is nearby. No matter how rarely we meet I’ll always treasure this friendship man I love you (I ain’t never gonna stop loving you....biiitch) To Jannah: I know I didn’t spend as much time with you this year as I did in the last, but you know I love you janz. Everyone keeps pulling out the “mana nak lepak dgn kita lagi” shit on me, but you were always impartial and the most cool about it. I hope you know that I cherish our time together from Cinta Mawar and Kalbu, no matter how much we drift apart. Anyways congratulations for another brilliant year in acting. From the start, I knew you were our only hope for the cast. You have always been disciplined, practicing at home, staying in character, doing research, coming on time every training, etc. Your dedication to Intro always impresses me. You, Durr, Win, Zahir and me went through so much crazy shit man in Kalbu. I will never forget. All the passive aggressive texts, trying to get me and Zahir to buck tf up, us not meeting all the script deadlines, sharing personal stories with each other, writing the script at Woodlands AND the masjid till 5am, and all the laughter. So much laughter was shared. It feels like there was no proper closure for Kalbu, cos the four of us never really showed our appreciation to each other/say our farewell properly. No idea why. But well here it is now. Thank you Jannah for everything. You were the first person to make me cry backstage before the final Sandi show. Kau just masalah, aku tengok muka kau je nak nangis. AND even when the final show started, when I saw you singing so enthusiastically (and badlly) at the handheld mic on stage left, swaying left to right even when no one was watching, man that made me tear up too. Never stop being you, the kind-hearted, sisterly figure that everyone feels comfortable being with. Lepak soon, love you baby girl <3 To Durr-baby/daddy: What a guy you are. Even though you’re younger, I’ve always looked up to you from the start. Wise beyond your years, you’ve always been that calming voice for when I’m stressed out with Intro. You always help us out so selflessly, sometimes it makes me feel uncomfortable/guilty thinking about it. But its ok because you always show how sincere you are when lending a hand. This year, you’re just an advisor, who doesn’t need to come that often. But yet you attend every training, stood alongside Irfan and I, almost playing the role as the third SM. I appreciate every time you take charge and give out instructions to the crew when you notice that I’m stressed out/can’t lead very well. And you do all this without overstepping any boundaries, always respectful to the two of us. And to think you were and APD and VP of the club last year. If all future exco members follow in your footsteps, i’m sure MCMS will breed an amazing group of individuals. Tapi kau pun satu masalah. I clearly said don’t go behind and see Jannah, you will cry. Kau pergi jugak. Kau just nak semua orang nangis dengan kau hahahahahahahaha its ok bro i understand crying hURTS SO GOOD. Thank you Durr for the countless nights of sending everyone home even when you’re exhausted. Thank you for always keeping me and Irfan grounded in chaotic times. Thank you for the kekek times at stage left, staring at the transitions with me and shakir like its visual ganja, muttering those two comforting words into my ear, “double pivot”, and for always reminding me and everyone that letting out our feelings is fucking important to survive. Love you durrbaby stay sweg A special shoutout to the new friends I made this year, Hidhir and Junie. Ya’ll are just gerek. Thank you for joining our intro family even when you really didn’t need to, and for giving your all for every scene. Firstly I have to say y’all (+ Zahir and Hazeeq) made our saturday mornings a living hell. Wake up late, sick, heavy traffic, phone died, and all the cock reasons ya’ll gave. It got to the point that Junie gave me her house number to call her mum to wake her??? Just hal. Sampai show day dia lambat, faham eh. But anyways. I’m so glad you two decided to join this year. Thank you for being so easy to talk to, as a sister and brother, thanks to Hidhir for welcoming us into his home that one fateful night, for always spreading love and hugs and being emotional as fuck during debriefs. Thank you Junie for being so open with us, always sharing your stories, even tho we never ask. Thanks for pushing yourself even with all the heavy criticism from the directors. If you need your mic box to be checked again, just hmu. To Hazeeq, you alr helped us last year in Kalbu, but this year returned again as another main cast. The best part about Hazeeq is that he is friends with e v e r y o n e and always goes around the room to have conversations with every single person. Proper friendly guy, I’m gonna miss your hugs and kisses every night and your “Sorry I’m sorry....she correct.....I wrong.” Stay gold my brotha, a guy like you is not easy to find so pls make sure you never change.

Last but definitely not the least, my CREW BABIES. Y’all are surely an odd bunch, all randomly coming to help our production. But ya’ll are the best crew I’ve ever seen in my 4 years here!!! Never complaining, even when you come to training and do absolutely nothing. Always understanding towards me and Irfan, listening to what we say, and helping out when we don’t know what to say. Working so hard on the sets and props, ya’ll are always on autopilot and didn’t need us to guide you all the time. Thank you Alfiera (you basic bimbo bish), Aliah, D.Hadi, Hadi Shy, Haziq (ma man), Sheeda, Syazwani (non-tudung), Syaza Aliah (my twine girl u saved my life every show ily) and Zana (my only stage left buddy). I love you all I swear. Special shoutout to DIBO DEE, Dibo baby thank you so much for all your help. You’re so crafty and creative and calm and cool when you do work. I love how your voice changes when its time for serious work and how you go around spreading love and giving sweets to everyone. Can never forget the moaning sounds that erupted from your phone during our dry run hahaha U STAY COOL DIBO ILY. And!!! Special special shoutout to my 3 fav crew girls: Rania, Wani and Sofiyah!!! Idk if ya’ll are my adiks or girlfriends but rest assured I love being around you guys and i’m glad we got close thru this show. You’re all too damn young but trust me if i could I’d marry all of you HAHA. To Rania, thanks for being a walking meme factory, I still can’t believe i’m friends with a 19 year old ffs. But hey you have great taste in music just like me. We can have a date lying down on the beach while listening to the XX and Arcade Fire one day ok. Thanks for shaving your legs for me, calling me every day to pray subuh (I don’t deserve you) and for being so candid about yourself to me. I’ll text you if i’m 30 and single ok pls be my backup plan. God bless you baby girl i love you. To Wani, sorry for saying that you’re too emotional when ya’ll were upset after getting shit for wardrobe things. But you’re so cute when you’re mad?? Hahaha and sorry for saying that you’re conservative (tho there’s nothing wrong with that) just because you’re a madrasah girl. Actually you’re pretty open about everything. Thanks for being a kind hearted person, always looking out for me, and putting up with the nonsense that me and Shakir talk about. Love you Wani if you miss me just hmu and I’ll be there. To Sofiyah, uuuu fuckin’ weirdo. I love how casual you are about everything and how I don’t have to think of what I say around you. Also, I admire how you always kept your shit together even when people were shitting on you about wardrobe things. Thank you for picking up the role despite having no experience in past Introspeksis. You did great man. Continue to participate in the coming years and I hope you get a guy as meaty as Hidhir or has a nice body like mine (#2 best body). Please curb your thirst for skinship and kembali ke jalan yang benar. Hahahahahaha love u Soffy baby see u soon xx And to everyone else, those unmentioned, please know that I love you guys too. Nana, Shaik, Yus and Aishah y’all are my seniors who i look up to whenever we’re doing a show and your knowledge and advice are always valuable to us. I always see you guys as who we’re supposed to grow into in the field of arts, even tho korang berbual merepek 75% of the time. Nana your play-flirting makes me turn off my comms headset but you’re an amazing amazing actor, SM, PD, and now lights technician. My respect for you has always been 10/10. This year you never shout at me, very good. Aishah, your acting has always been crazy good and this year you reminded us again. Thanks for being the big sister figure to all of us babies, while at the same time spewing inappropriate sexual nonsense 24/7. You da besttt. Shaik and Yus, thanks for being the big bros that i never had, always so cool and quiet but so talented with the music. And of course the musicians, who practice so hard every day, hitting the rebana till your hands bruise, coming early everyday to go through every riff/melody/tune and taking all the new ideas from Abang Mok and giving it life. Y’all are so amazing and you continue to be the best part of our shows every time. The dancers, I watched you guys train from the start!!!! Honestly it was very scrappy at first, and you guys went through so much drama and changes and getting shouted at, and of course injuries. All the bandages and patches and ankle guards were worth it cos you guys were amazing on show night, I know because I watched from the side curtain every time. Love the fight song number so much <3 For the rest of the cast, those with supporting roles, ya’ll were equally amazing and some of you even with one scene got an ovation from the crowd. Thank you for the hard work day in day out despite not landing a major role; your patience and understanding made the show what it was; a gathering of unique characters from different walks of life all for a single purpose.

Finally, I’m really sorry if i have wronged anyone in any way, which i prolly have. I love all my friends and never have any intention to hurt them. This shit that we did together was SO special and people will never understand the bond that’s been forged here so I hope these friendships lasts for as long as they possibly can. What Yus said was spot on: there is no “final year” or “last show” because Introspeksi is a family and you can never run away from that :’) Ok PEACE OUT ILY’ALL

[abyss-mal-blog1]

current mind-space//word vomit

it’s amazing how much can change in a few days, but it hasn’t been a week since my finals ended and i already felt so different. i have been doing f45 everyday this week (if not then some kind of workout, but i’ve really been into that recently). i am feeling so much better now without deadlines, sometimes i don’t know if i function better under pressure or not. i guess not, but then it’s amazing how much i can do and achieve under pressure. i need the right amount of pressure, and this semester it has been a little difficult for me to get around that. 

last friday was kinda my last day of finals, i just had an essay to submit, and i am disappointed in myself and my work ethic because i submitted it at 9pm, went to my cousin’s (disappointing) party, and then professor emailed me to say that she cannot read Pages format (seriously smh @ my tardiness!!!), only got back at 1am that night and sent my mediocre essay. i am a little sad about it because i know that is not my 100%. idk why but college so far has just been a series of 80% effort. this paper was an interesting one, on airbnb, on the sharing economy, it’s a performance studies paper where i analyze the hospitality platform in terms of host-user relationship, parasitism and (attempted) to talk about free online labor. it is a little too late now but i kinda want to work on it again and like, submit for feedback. maybe ill ask taylor. 

last saturday was kinda meh, i agreed to go to a *social* kinda event at a bar/club at chelsea, held for Asian-ivy-alumni-people that yanlin invited me too. it was at up&up and honestly a little...i didn’t enjoy it at all. the music sucked, the people were either too dorky or gross or old or weird, and the whole time i just kept saying to myself, “never again”. they said it was open bar but they only served absolut, which was shit. and then my friend’s two friends were...i feel sorry that this was their first clubbing experience. at the beginning my reaction was look at all these ivy alumni! get hitched with one of them for ~da connectsx~ (and nothing else) but no kidding i was actually interested in talking to them just to get to know what people who graduated from ivies are up to, and what are they doing at such events...and are they actually enjoying themselves because it was really kinda gross. met my friend’s friend who seemed like a really smart engineer (he asked for my number the next day lol), and a german dude at the bar who didn’t want to get me a drink. all i needed that night was a drink.....(i’m glad i didn’t drink tho because recently drinking has made me feel all kinds of bad)  we had ramen after at ramen-ya (most probably the worst ramen and charsiew i’ve had but what can we do at 3am and my friend wanted noodle and soup...)

on sunday i KNow i should have left my house earlier to workout but i didn’t. i was angry at myself that i didn’t. instead, i stayed at home and emotion-ate. i must have eaten more green bean soup than my stomach would have liked. what else...avocado? i remember..two bananas? god. this was the day i felt like i was n’s boyfriend because i had to do what she wanted to do. i know i had agreed on going, but at that point i really wanted to go thrifting or something. i mean when i got to central park it was fine and things were good but the whole day just felt like i was kinda pulled into doing something that wasn’t my first choice of plans, not that i didn’t enjoy myself lying under the sun at the park. it just felt like i was accompanying someone. i was half an hour late to meet her as well, and half heartedly got a burrito-wrap at newsbar. if you think about it it is really kinda funny, we’re just buying food and taking the subway to this grass patch 50 blocks away. we didn’t walk much, we literally only stayed at a little grassy slope overlooking the baseball pitch. anyway we went to a dance class after (the class was an hour long but i felt like n had asked me about when and what time we should book the classes for more than an hour by text so i just got really sick of it) i rushed home and got dinner with my uncle who’s in town for my cousin’s graduation. i was surprised that he chose the same japanese restaurant again, after dissing it half a year ago we ate here. the omakase was crazy and it cost 230 per person. (for the most expensive set) it was also kinda dumb because you aren’t allowed to order a different omakase set from anyone else - everyone on the table has to order the same - because of “timing”. i wonder if this is how it is in japanese omakase etiquette, but in any case it really earned them a hefty amount because my uncle decided to get 230 for all of us. qiyang didn’t like and said qiqi had bad taste, hahaha. the food wasn’t bad, i mean it’s japanese fusion, but the prices were way too steep for the taste. anyway enough about the food, during the dinner i think we talked about many things though. i kinda wanted to talk to my uncle individually because i think he is the only one who knows about ah gong, but he was sick, and i could tell he was exhausted. my aunt got a little impatient because i didn’t arrange plans to take their furniture and they were going to throw all of them away and it was actually the first time i’ve seen her get so worked up - but at the same time trying to control her emotions - because she was talking to me. i could tell she was annoyed though but i tried not to take it personally, and arranged it tomorrow. 

arranging the moving stuff was kinda last minute, i was walking to the library for work one day and i saw a truck that said MakeSpace. i assumed it was a kind of moving company and so i looked them up. they seemed to be pretty okay in terms of their services and so i decided to try them out. confirmation and setting up an appointment went pretty smoothly, except for the part where the guy i think his name was joseph, asked me to give my credit card details over the phone. idk why i did that! i stopped though, and asked him why, to which he replied he wanted to key in with the coupon code. this service has so much gimmicks within the first 2-3 minutes on the phone he was already telling me about how the first pick up is free, and that he will deduct 100$ off the first month...when people give you discounts too easily it just feels like a ploy and a thing they give to everyone, it’s not anything special and it’s probably calculated inside whatever we have to pay. anyway, i was just thinking it would be cheaper (assuming the maximum that i would have to pay is ~$500, as i confirmed with them on the phone yesterday), it’d still be cheaper than starting an apartment lease now and going through the trouble of finding two subletters. 

well. idk, it’s also easy to have things all moved in, i have to find a place to store my perishables!

moving is so much work, and storing things. this reminds me of my paper on airbnb and about the digital nomad lifestyle. it is interesting though, that this is what it has become. but the homogenized aesthetic is something i really cannot stand, in airbnb, in coffeeshops around the world..i am sure you know what i’m talking about. a new york times writer did something about this - he termed it “Airspace” - and apparently it originated from Brooklyn. I guess that’s where the art/avant-garde stuff started. well. keep a look out im gonna write a blogpost about that 

moving on 

nat came to sleepover on sunday night and a few days after because the school kicks you out of the dorms you pay so much for right after your final ends. i forgot if we did something fun but i probably just fell asleep. 

on monday i think i went to f45 and did cardio at Dumbo with Gi. he seems like a pretty nice trainer, the first time i went it was him and another girl Bertha (i think my first f45 was last tuesday) and i felt like i had two personal trainers with me - Gi was cheering me on and Bertha was doing it with me. it felt like such a good workout, one of the best ive had in a while. then work, where i arranged the movers stuff. i also realized i bought the wrong date for my flight ticket as my friends and had to buy one more...............

tuesday was the same f45 in the morning, and the bobst after. didn’t really get much work done at bobst. oh i also viewed a 3BR flex at 160. hella expensive and small, and dates didn’t work out anyway. also the broker who brought us to view the apartment was a very nice tall french man and his name was jean-francois which i couldn’t pronounce and asked nat but still called him jean as in jeen instead of john. this is why i have to learn french. you’re embarrassing. i also went to the itp/ima spring show with shubham which was super cool. there were many cool ideas, and i just wonder if i could create something like that. i didn’t get to see all of the exhibits which i regret, but i remember a few notable projects. one was an installation made with keyboards that randomly clicks, but when you hold your phone up it’ll stop. it’s made using 3d gestures. there’s also one at a gallery for surveillance, this team had a thing they call facebox, and it’s literally a box, that when you open it has a webcam that would capture your face, find you on facebook, and print out an invoice/receipt on how much you have earned for this giant tech company.  what else...an AR project that when you scan a food,  it shows you where the food comes from. nat said that she would love it if menus have something they could scan and then have pictures appear in ~holographic~ format, or maybe in the nearer future something on your phone that shows you a picture of the picture of the food. but isn’t it a surprise tho? sometimes the fun’s in the surprise, you read the description, you know what are the foods you’ll eat, leaving room to imagine or be surprised by how the chef puts it together! anyway, went for dinner with nat and jenny - got vegan shwarma (definitely wasn’t worth $14) and went to get crepes with will after. 

wednesday we were gonna go to the dmv but we weren’t prepared. nat also needed to get her passport and she was lazy. wow the number of times i mentioned her, it feels like she’s my boyfriend at this point. talked to famz, sister, and beatrix. am currently considering if i should even go to beijing or just go straight home. fuck. went to bobst for work but no one was there i was just really sleepy. viewed an apartment at 55 morton (it’s a nice quiet residential street that seems to be tucked away from the loud cars and bars and people) then i went to f45 again-varsity!!! cardio!!!, walked across brooklyn bridge (a little regret although i wanted to walk, but my bag was heavy and there were too many tourists to brisk walk) 

also the reason for this is that after my soba/miso/salad/shrimp dinner last night i was just watching a bunch of netflix shows and it was probably the caffeine from puerto rican roasting company - the barista made me a chai cappuccino with almond milk (3 SHOTS!!!)

me and nat couldn’t sleep, i really think i slept for an hour. i watched so many different shows, yoko and john’s documentary, while we were young, anthony bourdain, i was seriously flipping through all the shows and alternating between amazonprme and youtube and netflix and i even tried watching peaceful cuisine and making the brightness lower and had the sleep mode on and wow i just couldn’t sleep

so yeah the birth of this word vomit 

i am going to create more things

[fabelyn]

I think it’s been five years. If so, holy shit how time flies.

Anyway, now that so much time has passed, let me tell you all the story of a random tumblr user that somehow roped me into the start of a toxic friendship.

What do i mean by toxic? I mean threatening suicide whenever their actions get called out.

It’s been five years and recalling how they used a legimate serious issue like suicide to hear what they wanted still pisses me off

Back in the day when I was very active and combatant in a fandom I started making a lot of new friends. This user seemed like a new one too. This was before the tumblr chat function existed so we kept sending each other PMs. 

Buuuut shit went down in the fandom. Fans of ships starting fighting. Yours truly was right in the middle and ‘friend’...claimed to ship both sips and thus not pick sides. Except the fight wasnt about who you shipped but lets not go down that route

Things started getting annoying but small at first. ‘Friend’ started giving me advice...except I was realizing advice was always about twisting what I was doing, putting me down and claiming they were just trying to help. No biggie. I explained what i was doing and why. Friend claimed to understand and claimed to be telling others that...but then would come back and complain about me under the “im just saying what others are seeing” while ignoring all that I said

Oh, dont worry, this wasnt the issue. Oh no, this was just mildly annoying at best

Annoyance number #2 began: friend started sending me weird (as in nonsensical) messages. Then claiming they were drunk.

In between everything I realized our convos had began to not bring me any joy: anything I said was put down (”you’re harsh”. “this idea you just told me? meh”) and I dont recall my interests or ideas being discussed, but I recall always giving them encouragement on their art and stuff.

Anyway, between conversation that was either one sided drunk texting or putting me down, I began calling them out when they were saying untrue things, or simply barely responding when they kept drunk texting me.

At which point this person pulls out card one: “oh im like this because I have mental illness X”. I checked with an actual friend and mental illness X exists. Okay, sure. But now that I had a third perspective to help me, I confirmed that no, having X mental illness did not magically make the way they were treating me okay. I continued to not take their shit.

So the suicide threats began. or pehaps -its been too long- they may have started before but it took a while for me to realize wtf was actually happening.

Basically, if I was too cold in my reply, or called them out, they would immediatly go “omg omg you’re right im so bad I should die. i deserve to be dead. i cant believe i hurt you i should kill myself”

Aaaand of course every time I had to stop my legimate conversation to obviously tell them that no, i wasnt hurt, no they didnt deserve death please don’t die.

I recall one convo where, i s2g i vividly recall them writing out this, in this way “*sniffles* y-you won’t abandon me? I-I can trust you? ;_; ”

By the time it seemed like I had pulled them down from doing something like that, of course my line of conversation calling them out had been completly sidelined. They would cheerily start on another topic and my point was forgotten. Again and again

I think it was only after the third friend got involved and I told her what was going on that it dawned on me they always reacted with suicide threats any time my reply to them wasn’t love and rainbows. a curt reply got “oh god I’m so sorry im such a bother is hould leave you and go dieee” pointing out i disagree with how they were acting was the same. And also only when things werent going as they wanted. 

So fucking tiring

After a point i gave up and just...stopped engaging so much. I always went “no dont die!” when they threatened it but went right back to curt replies and longer silence periods.

Then they claimed they were leaving the fandom because the fandom was sooo toxic. I think I gave the perfunctory “oh no” while cheering on the inside.

Except they didnt leave fandom. They changed username and stopped interacting with me so much. They at one point sent a private message saying “your art was good” and I was like ??? thanks but you could have just clicked the like button or said that on the post. At which point they replied “oh I didnt want to bother you”. Right, sure, dont want to bother me with a like but a PM is better? 

Things fizzled out and then and all their messages I’ve ever received from them disappeared form my backlog.

My hunch is that I blocked an anon message (cant recall why) and less than a week later I noticed everything gone. So my guess is they were the anon

Anyway. I always always wanted to write about this, but despite everything the fear of them killing themselves was too much and I didn’t want to risk writing about them and them seeing it

But it’s been five years, so here it is

[moody-mod]

Ay i got a short story like this

So i work in a little local coffee shop and we get fairly steady business but there are days when there is no one around for an hour or two, usually around the end of the day. So one day, im cleaning and getting ready, and this dude come in, real tall, bummy looking and he could pass as cute but wasnt my type.

So he gets a latte to go and sticks around for a long while. When no one was around and it was just me and him (i usually work alone, not a personal thing, just short staffed), he came up and began to play chess with me. So i was like "what ever, i got two hours". Oh god.

We played chess and i wasnt verry good, so he kept insisting that i come out from around the counter to look at his side. I declined and he just flipped the bored around so i could see. Not the point, anyway, so it an hour to close and he just fucking starts flirting with me hard. I dont even know this dude, we played chess and mildly talked and this dude (late 20s early 30s) was asking me out. I was kinda creeped out and i was starting to shake. I was so uncomfortable and he couldnt take a hint. So just to get him off my back, i give him my snapchat and he leave. I blocked him latter. A little bit after he leaves, a guy that lives aboved the cafe came down and got some doughnuts (love this dude hes great), and i asked if that sort of thing was normal, dude flirting like that, because at that time i had never been flirted with or hit on at all. He said no and explained that it was creepy and abnormal. He leaves and comes down a little whole latter with his and his wifes number and told me to text him if he returns.

My dudes. That was like taking a breath of fresh air. That dude is amazing lemme tell ya. So a couple week go by and my ma says i was way over reacting (i wasnt), and same dude comes back in, drunk. I got scared because he was in the bathroom, light off, door open and completely silent. So i text dude and his wife comes down to help. Creepo in the bathroom comes out, sees im not alone and immediatly leaves. I was about to cry. If i hadn't texted upstairs dude, i propably would have been harassed to an extreme.

If i hadn't had that awsome dudes number, i probably would have started to have a panic attack.

Oh also, he harassed another barista at my cafe and now he's banned and we gotta call the cops if he comes in. Yay!

Three cheers for these guys [x]

[mrs-hongs-blog]

Like A Caffeine Rush (Pt. 1)

m e m b e r : LEE JIHOON ;; (this gif of him being squishy owo)

g e n r e : fLUFF AGAIN WHATS NEW FITE ME

w o r d c o u n t : 1.6k

i n t r o : A good looking barista who made the best Iced Americano and a pretty law student who spent her time drowning in books in his cafe, a love that blossomed over a cup of coffee. Will they eventually grow to love each other, especially when they have feelings for each other that felt like a caffeine rush?

a / n : ahhh! it’s my first ever series story and it’s for the person trashing my bias list, lee jihoon ;; this squishy has been giving me sooo many feels recently i’m so suibvedwjnic but anyways!! i hope you enjoy this, i’m excited to see how this story flows out! new parts coming soon~ stay tuned!

“What can I get you?” The girl behind the counter asked. “A large Iced Americano and a bagel, please.” The girl nodded and passed your order to the barista, before handing you your bagel. You thanked her briefly and grabbed your mountain of books to find a seat.

You settled for your favourite seat, the single sofa seat facing a wall, where your right side was by the window. It was always empty and nobody could asked if your opposite seat was taken because there was none. You put your bag and books on the table before you heard your order. “Large Iced Americano.” A husky voice said.

You walked over and the barista handed you your drink. You guys shared a brief eye contact before you walked back to your seat. That was the handsome barista that the college girls came flocking for, and you noted his name was Jihoon. He was in Music school, while you were in Law school.

You too, was also quite the head-turner. A lot of guys come to the café you studied at to watch you for hours, and numerous times, tried to buy you drinks. Most of the times, you rejected the drinks and went straight back into studying but that didn’t stop them.

You usually go to the café after class and leave before they close. Today was just like any other day, you were busy studying for another exam. You were writing an essay and eating your bagel when you saw someone dragged a chair to your right from your peripheral vision.

It was one of the guys from Medicine school. You remembered because your best friend from their course dragged on about how they were only there because their parents donated a new lab to the school. You looked at him and he smirked but you rolled your eyes and returned to your work.

“Hey there. Here’s an Iced Americano, you always ordered the same drink and since it was finishing, I figured I buy you another cup.” He slid the Iced Americano over to you and walked away to sit with his friend in the next table. You looked at the drink and sighed. “What harm could it do anyways?” You were too lazy to go get another one yourself, and it was free, so why not?

You were about to take a sip out of the drink when someone grabbed the drink out of your hand. “Hey!” You said, in shock. You looked at the culprit and it was that barista, Jihoon. “He drugged this.” He said, staring dead in your eyes. “Man, what are you talking about?” The guy said from behind.

The guy and his friend stood up and walked infront of Jihoon, as if asking for a fight. I grabbed the drink and stood in the middle of them. “What makes you confident that he drugged this drink?” Jihoon rolled his eyes, “I made the damn drink and he poured it at the counter. You can ask Cheryl over there.” He pointed to the girl behind the counter and you shared eye contact with her.

She nodded promptly, and you sighed. “Fine. If you are so confident you didn’t drug this, have a sip.” You said, passing the drink to the guy. “If this is proven true, I can sue you of Battery. A criminal offence where any unlawful touching of the person of another by the aggressor himself, or by a substance put in motion by him. It is also considered assault.”

“RCW 9A.36.021 provides that someone who "administers to or causes to be taken by another, poison or any other destructive or noxious substance" is guilty of Assault in the Second Degree. This includes sedatives or other sedating type drugs within this definition. This is a class B felony and is punishable by imprisonment up to 10 years.” Everyone in the room was stunned by your speech.

“So, are you going to make me sue you for assault and battery or apologize to me and the barista?” You asked the two guys, with heads hanging low. “They don’t have to apologize to me-“ You stopped Jihoon. “They do, they ruined a good barista’s coffee.” You raised your eyebrows before the two meds students apologized and walked out of the café in embarrassment.

After that shenanigans, you returned to doing your work and a few hours later, the waitress lady, Cheryl, put an Iced Americano on your table. You stopped her in her tracks, “But I didn’t order this?” She smiled, “It’s on the barista, he said you looked stressed out.” She said promptly and walked away, and you saw the barista looking over, sharing eye contact before turning away.

Soon after, it was time for closing. You packed your bags and left the café, but decided to wait for the barista to thank him for helping you and the free drink. After maybe 20 mins, the café door swinged open and you saw Cheryl walk out. She noticed you and walked to you.

“You’re still here?” She asked, confused. She was a senior in Theatre, living in the same block as you, and it seems she knows that you leave to the dorms straight after leaving the café. “Yeah, I’m waiting for the b-barista.“ She smiled, “Ah Jihoon? Be nice to him. He’s a bit of shy but he does like you.” You blushed at her words and she giggled.

“Ah puppy love. The name’s Cheryl by the way. See you tomorrow.” You thanked her and she left promptly. The cute barista has a crush on you? Well I’d be damned.. You waited for another 20 mins before the door swung open again. You saw that it was Jihoon, wearing headphones and humming.

He walked towards the carpark and you followed behind before tapping his shoulder. He turned around and saw that it was you, removing his headphones. “It’s you.” He said, turning to face you. “Hey, I just wanted to say.. Thanks for earlier. For telling me it was drugged.”

He gave a small laugh, and he smiled. “It’s a pleasure. I can’t let my regular customer fall into a trap infront of my eyes.” You blushed a little at his words and you thanked him again. “Oh! And thank you for that free Iced Americano..” You looked down, blushing heavily.

He smiled, “You’re welcome. It was.. for calling me a good barista.” You looked up to him smirking before both of you broke out in laughter. “Did you mean it though, that I’m a good barista?” He asked, and even in the dark you could see that tint of red on his cheeks.

“Of course I did. You make the best Iced Americanos.” He smiled and the both of you just enjoyed a moment of silence in each other’s presence. “It’s getting late.. I should get going.” You said and Jihoon nodded before he spoke again. “Your dorm is a 20 minute walk away, and it seems there isn’t any car here.. How are you going back?” He asked. Crap, you forgot. “Ah, I walk home everyday. It’s not that far.” You smiled and Jihoon’s face dropped. “There’s no way I’m letting you walk back alone to the dorm alone.”

And somehow, you guys ended up in his car, him driving you back. “Wait, how did you know I stay at this dorm?” You looked at him, a bit weirded out. He pulled the brakes and turned off the engine before he looked at you, “I sent Cheryl-nuna home once. I saw you in your PJ’s eating our bagel infront of the vending machine.”

He what?! You blushed and he laughed it off. “Let’s go.” He grabbed your books and started walking towards the dorm. You followed after him and tried to take your books, but he snatched it right back. “I got it. You waited 40 mins for me, this is nothing.” You walked behind him, blushing.

He walked you to your dorm room, and you invited him in. He plopped the heavy stack of books on your table, and looked around, noting how neat it was with a world map pinned right by your bed and pots of plants round your table. It was minimalistic, yet aesthetic.

“Thank you for today Jihoon, you didn’t have to.” You smiled and he smiled back, “Of course I did. It was nothing.” The both of you looked in each others eyes before breaking into laughter. “I guess I should go, it’s getting late.” You nodded and walked him to the door.

“Would you like to, you know, exchange numbers?” Jihoon asked, and you are 138721% sure you saw him blush. “Of course, why not?” You gave him your phone and he gave you his, and you both saved each other’s contacts. “I saved myself under The Good Barista.” You laughed, rolling your eyes.

“You’re never going to let me live it down huh? I’m Law Dictionary with a cup of coffee emoji.” The both of you laughed at the ridiculous contact names before smiling at the silence. “Have a good night Jihoon, see you tomorrow.” You smiled and he nodded. “You too.”

You took a deep breath and kissed his cheek. “Drive safe, text me when you’re home.” He smiled, blushing. He leaned in to kiss your forehead, “I will princess. Good night, see you tomorrow.” He closed the door and you just started silently screaming. “That did not just happen.” You pinched yourself, trying to come back to reality. “Ow.. That hurts…”

“THAT REALLY DID JUST HAPPEN OH MY GOD!”

Part 1 — Part 2

[spirit-shroud]

v long vent post under the cut, some advice would be really nice right now

my mom is a narcissistic, soul-sucking, god awful person with no sense of humanity, only money. she has a very rich(!!) boyfriend right now who lives in north carolina and has a very big house and is very nice, allegedly, and upon visiting his gigantic house and learning just how much money he makes, she decided her best next step was to straight up fake a house foreclosure, and casually tell me we're going to sell everything we own and pack up and move to north carolina with him in another three months. she also cancelled our health insurance so I can't continue my hormone replacement therapy or even get regular therapy, which i've desperately needed now for the past three years more than ever.

i told my sister and brother in law about this and they agreed to let me stay there, they said they'd try to get me on their insurance and i wouldnt have to worry about things like rent/getting a job or anything until i felt ready. that was the plan. i'd be able to move in with them in early june, and i'd be able to start getting back on my feet. i planned on getting my GED, getting a big headstart on my game, and going to school in NY to get a business/marketing degree (though i've also been very interested in becoming a robotics engineer as well for a few reasons). but of course, some issues came up

first off, my mother magically doesn't have the money to let me be able to visit them later in april, which is when we would've finalized moving plans anyways. which, seeing how everything else has been going, i'm going to chalk up to being a lie, and another means of keeping me trapped with her.

second off, my biological father is dying, apparently -- nobody will tell me any specifics on how or why. i don't know how much time he has left or what he even has. my sister wanted me to go visit him with her except here's the thing. i dont know my dad at all. i see him two days or less per YEAR. he has never once called me, nor texted me though he has my number. he doesn't contact me ever through skype/discord/social media even though he has access to all of those things. he doesn't send christmas cards or come visit or anything. he's a stranger to me. even when i send the first message its rare i get anything back.  he has all the tools to try and come into my life and be a father -- and i’d love him to! he’s been invited at several points! -  except he has never once tried. however, he'll talk to my sister all the time. i've been told they're on the phone lots and while i'm very glad that SHE gets to see him, i don't have that. i don't want to start that if he won’t. i told her i didn't want to pay him a visit now that he doesn't have much time left because he's a stranger, and i really don't think she understood what that meant because she's on the opposite end of the spectrum. he's her father, but not mine. and after our last talk about it, i'm so afraid to try and talk to her again. she's probably in a lot of pain over the whole thing and i just feel nothing towards him. hes a stranger!! he's not my dad and honestly what's been making me feel much worse about it all has been everyone like 'well he's your dad you SHOULD be caring' but i just dont! i can’t even FAKE any feelings for the guy. if he WANTED TO TRY HE WOULD'VE BUT HE DIDN'T. its like i just don't exist to anyone.

which leads me to another point of problems too that i've been really heavily realizing lately. everyone knows about my sister. she graduated college with like a 3.9 average or something and a fancy degree in biology and she has a stable job at a really cool lab doing what she loves. she's getting married soon. she's the only one my mom ever talks about to people. my sister. she's successful and my mom is so proud of her. most people don't even know she has a second child because im a dropout and im disabled and im trans and i'm too distant and unloveable and don't care enough about myself or others. people confuse me with my sister and when i introduce myself, they look confused. they've never heard of me. my mom only has one child. i'll never stand up to her. i'll never have that same light that she has because i'll never be able to follow my dreams. my mom tells me so often i'll never be her because im lazy and bad and stupid and all im ever good at doing is putting things off. and she words it like that, too. you'll never be like her. you'll never be successful. you're just going to live at home forever with me and you'll never get better. its a mantra. a haunting, crippling mantra. i'll never be her because she was just better, and able to run away to college at 18 and dropped all contact with us for years. she's better because she escaped. she's better because she's not me. i've surpassed living in her shadow. we're not even family. i'm a different species compared to her and that's all i'll ever be. what can i say except i'm jealous and i'm angry and so so worried about getting invested into anything?

and i'm just so afraid of finally moving, and saying one wrong thing, or slipping back into my old dumb habits, my old disorders, lazy streaks, my dumb breakdowns and finding myself out on the streets when my health is already so sketchy, or having to live in some strange house with some strange guy and that woman, the bitch who drove me to hate myself. both aren't good options. both aren't reasonable. there isn't a good choice and i know its my fault that it has to be like this because i let her get to me along the way, its my fault i believe my mother every time she screams at me i'm not good enough and that i'm the reason she's hurting too much to work or clean or do anything. its my fault i've been having panic attacks daily. its my fault im jealous and don't have any family. im worthless and useless and lazy and horrible and nothing i ever do will matter because nobody wants me. ive been getting hesitant on following my own dreams of writing or making a game or letting other people in on the things i want because i know i'll just fail. she was right. she's been right all along.

and even at the time in my life where i could get away from her, she's managed to block the path. i dont even want to live right now. honest to god the thought's been crossing my mind constantly. i don't know what to do anymore. im stuck here. there's nothing i can do. she won. that's all there is to it. she won.