#anyways go my forbidden yaoi

[marshiedmallow]

What the hell .. sure clingy alien

reference below vvv

[endsofthearth]

so I found out ab Duo Nina gushing over legally distinct Persona 5 yaoi in her voicelines and I immediately had to pull her............

[tiredsmashbros]

SATURDAY - NEW REF- wait wtf its yaoi

bitch made it about himself in the end i fukin hate this

im going back to my mini soda homeland bye bye

+ may be on mini hiatus to recover my physical health, i'll be back soon prioritizing asks and lipbite pt 3. no more tsb lore until i get that shitass gayass comic done istfg

anyways, thank you everyone for tooning in and watching how smg4 fucked up my party posts with being late and not being organized as he promised shaking my head...

i'm also slowly getting through all the bday gifts, i am NOT ignoring anybody, just been taken hostage and forced to survive with my chaotic overdramatized self like wtf why do people like this twink ya'll need help /silly

till then, THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH!!! this by far has been the best birthday a 22 year old could ever ask for and i know many have already heard my ugly sappyness on the server, but i mean it with great gratitude, thank you all so much. you guys don't know how much of a positive impact you've made for me mentally and physically, i dont know where i would be without all of ya'lls support. burgers for everyone 💛🍔🌈

anyways excuse me as i get ready for my flight its 3:38 am as i speak rn holy shit

this is just a waste of time, get your head out of the sky. you think this is your prime? to be this high? you’re a superstar man, living a fantasy where confusion is a crime. as we dance around and play pretend. kind as i’m handsome, i cant take this forbidden feeling as you descend into the whole world down below. run and run until the light of day, you will meet your dark demise for he’s not the nicest in the night. 

[themsource]

…we’re honestly rehashing this? After I already gave my opinion here?

Fine, I’ll be direct.

To clarify, I don't like stancest because it's 'incest'.

I do think incest can be an interesting and complicated topic to explore when it comes to the dark, taboo, and forbidden, and I do admittedly enjoy said exploration as I do any subject that requires critical thinking, and sometimes self-examination be it on the reader's or character's parts as it can be very thrilling.

But I won't like a ship just because it's 'incest' or whatever.

The ship needs to have good dynamics and personality to get my investment. I have said this before but I'm more than willing to say it again as a reminder. So that in mind - I don't care if it's 'incest'. I don't care if you find a fictional character engaging with a fictional relative 'gross'.

I care about the narrative and if it's going to break or make my heart.

Plus, I love Stan and Ford.

I am also attracted to Stan and Ford.

I am going to definitely be okay seeing these two attractive old men/young adults/angsty teens (however someone chooses to portray them) do something emotionally intimate such as kissing or sharing a bed.

'Incest' has nothing to do with that.

I don’t even think about the fact they’re ‘related’ unless that’s the point to doing so in the depiction the creator has chosen to make (ie - coming to terms with being attracted to their brother, trying to understand how their bodies work and why they react that way with their twin, etc).

I will always care more about a story and how it’s told, rather than some sort of… ‘moral’ conundrum, that in my personal opinion has no place in the world of make-belief anyways and should stay in reality where it belongs.

Furthermore, I don't go shoving this in people's faces, I tag artwork and writing appropriately and to the best of my ability so that people that do find this sorta thing 'gross' can avoid it.

Out of respect.

Of which I have none for people that choose to try and give me shit about what I make or enjoy.

So, just for you, dear anon who decided to waste both our times and destroy a little bit more of the precious lives we have left on this earth over your own personal nonsense, and for those that might try to come to me negatively over the same thing in the future rather than seeing what I’ve already said and leaving well enough alone - take this doodle, to understand exactly how I feel about what you have to say.

Actually, take two as I was indecisive on if I wanted to make the eyes more 'canon' or more shojo cute.

Hot old man yaoi <3

Eat it.

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

So I have not yet watched Severence, but I have seen quite a few screen captures of it over the past couple weeks.

Well last night because I slept more than 6 hrs by going to bed right after work, my brain pieced together what id seen in screenshots and made the weirdest fucking storyline, please tell me if it’s anything close to how the show is in reality.

-

I walk into my office to find my parents (who are too old to party) and a bunch of people I dont know dancing in brightly lit rooms in suits.

It is casual friday, im the only one in cargo pants, a hawaiian shirt and a tie. Everyone glowers at me but goes back to dancing 70s style.

I get irritated so I go into the break room to get some coffee, and someone has filled the entire place with plants. There are two old gay guys whispering to each other amidst the plants that they are in love but their love is forbidden.

I get my coffee which tastes like cherry soda and marshmellows, wtf, and walk back into the main office room which has now turned into a long white hallway. Everyone is lined up, and there are scientists with clip boards and gloves telling everyone their new assignments.

I go to get mine and they tell me I cant participate because I am dressed casual for casual friday. One of the people from the office looks at me and whispers “help”.

I punch a scientist in the face. He doesnt move.

The lights go out. I am suddenly late for class in college that I havent been in 20 years. I enter my classroom that looks suspiciously like the office and there is an orgy happening.

I dont know whether to be confused or angry no one invited me.

My Literature and The occult professor puts a record on the record player and tells everyone theyve passed the orgy test. She tells me im expelled for not participating.

She wont let me into my locker which is suspiciously in the room in the back with a bunch of plants.

I tell her if she doesnt move ill take off my clothes. She shrieks and lets me through. (Boy what a lovely internal self image abby lol)

I go into the backroom with all the plants, open up my locker and pull out my apparently infinite yaoi comic collection.

Amongst the plants are the two old gay guys from before but younger. Their love isnt forbidden here.

I leave the room and im back in the long white hallway and people in suits /scientist outfits are clapping and telling me we need to run the simulation again to confirm results.

I then start dreaming about cats fighting off a giant robot using kitchen utensils.

—

Anyway, is that anything like Severance 😂 (and should I watch Severance)?

[karamell-sweetz]

um. i um. i did a thingy and now i’m going to yap under the cut

ok now. so i did this with mainly just dynamics in mind because i am a firm believer that all of these ruikasaverse things can and SHOULD be explored platonically. yk for what they are. and not just in the context of romantic relationships. because. that’s just how relationships work right.

BUT i did split my ult favs into the ones i like more romantically (🚢) and platonically (which i should have labelled as 🍽️). just because i’ve been shipping them romantically for a good while anyway. that said everything in my 🚢 tier can/should be explored platonically too.

NOW ENSUES THE YAP.

TIER ONE: ult favs, romantic

DANTORU OTP OF THE CENTURY. i don’t even have a good reason as to why they’re my favourite of all time, i think it’s mainly just the aesthetics of them together and the romantic implications of piano. and the stars too. think about it guys. imagine playing music with your lover beneath the stars… or playing a duet with them… or laying your hands over your lover’s as you teach them how to play!!! grrrh.

KUROSHIRO OTP OF THE CENTURY #2. dear ruikasers that make them painfully reincarnate into every other universe: you successfully break my heart every single time. that and giving them forbidden romance. and killing tsukasa for plot. it gets me every time. also an aesthetics thing, flowers are awesome and there is something so beautiful about being practically opposites yet coming together all the same. ugh. ughhh.

curtain call has the horrifyingly romantic implications of YEARNING for your lover and the passage of time threatening to break you apart. it’s pining and angst and all the joys and pains of life rolled into one.

if we count filament as nakashira then i LOOOVE them. salaryman yaoi or whatever. it would be AWESOME if we explored them platonically but i like the idea of them getting to know each other and slowly fall in love with each other… and make each other better… grrhh… domestic life… was never quite my style… /lyr

tacthina!! honestly don’t have a reason for why they’re up so high here but i think they’re very sweet. bonus for arranged marriage, and when paired withhhhh tactqilin!!! againnn finding your lover reincarnated over centuries… there’s something cool about going through time and searching for that one person again and again. i think that’s the reason why most of these ships are in the top category lmao it may be my favourite trope.

TIER TWO: ult favs, platonic

GHH as much as i love colorfes ritk romantically i honestly think they should be explored platonically too. like a long distance friendship with an ethereal deity. and also AGAIN with finding that person again and again throughout time and space (teehee)!! because rui’s usually an immortal deity in this au.

both zozos actually could have gone in ‘normal ritk with a mask on’ but idk there’s something about these two designs specifically that scratches my brain. no i don’t really know why i put them so high. they just look really good together.

i can go on forever about pandemonium the event and how it was such a turning point for rui’s relationships and character development and honestly that should be reflected in the cards too. EEESPECIALLY when you put their canon meeting in. stuff like tsukasa slowly warming up to rui’s antics and letting himself be a little less uptight with him. and rui getting to share all of himself with someone close to him!

KIRAPIKA. mmm. i dunno i just like rpg style things. and going out on missions and quests together. i dunno! i think they’re best enjoyed alongside emu and nene so they can all be a party together though.

SURPRISE I LIKE GALAJEST MORE THAN RINGJEST? man i don’t know either? most of the things i see with them are along the lines of rui crafting up tsukasa as a little galactic friend and i think that’s really sweet. hmm other than that i forgot why i put them so high. it’s mainly the idea of rui being tsukasa’s ultimate helper i guess, and tsukasa being rui’s companion in return. :)

TIER THREE: scrumptious!

BOODEVIL IS SO CUTE! something about rui, filled with all sorts of bitterness, being brought into the light by tsukasa’s simple ways of enjoying life.

wl is cute too, not much to say with them. i feel like i see so much royalty-based ritk that it’s hard to have any large feelings about it, at least in my case lol.

ROSEOU… mmm… it’s neat to make friends with your butler or other sort of royal advisor. and also that idea of getting closer from a place of formality, and getting to show the hidden sides of you to another person especially when you’re both in a formal position.

lilyrose goes well together aesthetically. or as aesthetically as you can get with rose’s abysmal colours 😋 other than that it’s usually giving the same as roseou so not much to say that hasn’t been said already.

space opera… not much to say about them. intergalactic partnership ✨

now prommy i DO like ringjest. it’s good that they have each other’s backs. its just that certain bits of fandom have sort of ruined them for me :/ still cute tho

ahhh white day… there’s so much white day out there that i have no idea what’s going on with it /pos. that said, love the doomed yaoi.

i don’t have too many feelings on the seibaitAAAAAsu cards honestly, mainly because i haven’t had the time to read the story or really look into it in detail. these cards are stunning though. love the doomed yaoi again.

ok i’m actually a sucker for phantom thieves even though i have no idea what they actually do… it’s the cat and mouse aspect + mysterious identity for me!

lilyfes… mmm… againnn the reincarnation thing!! or rui looking over his partner throughout immortality and protecting him. oughh.

merking and merprince areee basically the same thing right? i love a bit of little mermaid style pining to be a land dweller, or even the opposite with king/prince wanting to partake in the ocean’s beauty or whatever…

cyberpunk on its own feels a bit too loose conceptually for me to be fully on board with it but once you slide idolkasa in there it has more weight to it. love me some hidden identity once again.

kemo… they are very cute… again not a strong enough concept/difference to get me fully on board with it

pop in my heart! bakerkasa feels very similar to boodevil now but it’s still cute

TIER FOUR: it exists.

hakapega… bwaaaah… i love the idea of pegasus being a robot replacement for tsukasa and the angst that that brings with it, but other than that i have no strong feelings on it. i’m a lover not a fighter 😔

sorry fesdog lovers but i am not sure about the dog… that’s all i will say.

potato boys are fun, just not hitting with me tbh

mmm you all know i have my own fairy au so technically i should be on board with the fairies… i just haven’t seen much of it. the idea is adorbs tho. just two bros living the miniature life in little fairy domestication…

the idea of colorfes and tinykasa is also very sweet, just not my cup of tea personally ><

i don’t have strong feelings for the starry sky melody set in general so unfortunately this ritk is getting the mid.

zozo2… same as zozo1 but they don’t hit as hard for whatever reason. they are still pretty though

knightfes is cool? but once you put sorcerui in the picture it’s not really unfortunately.

octoking is the same as merking and merprince. it’s in this tier because the tentacles do not entail the best things maybe. also i don’t know if i like them on rui.

knightprince could be cute actually. switches up what we’ve seen so far in roseou etc.

rmd… idk it’s interesting in regards to designs and the power dynamics but i’m really not feeling it :/

detectives are cute too but it feels like more office yaoi!! and i just prefer nakashira and phantom thief rui in that case.

never seen skaterzozo in my life but that’s because skaterkasa is relatively new. i think it’s cool tho.

i should have put middle school in tier three because it has a lot of potential platonically, but i honestly just like preserving the canon timeline regarding that era

sanrio is like if boodevil/pimh met merking/merprince. rui coming out of the water to visit tsukasa’s cafe… very sweet. no strong feelings for it though.

TIER FIVE: erm.

with starry sky orchestra it really depends on what angle you look at them from. most of the things i see with these two are trying to push the whole sibling thing in a weird way unfortunately, so that’s tainted my view of it a little. but if you DON’T make them related it’s just mid i think.

again, never seen skaterdog because skaterkasa is a new card. same issue as fesdog though. can’t get over the dog allegations.

‘TIER SIX’: normal ritk with a mask on

these are for the aus that are close to canon. i prefer to look at them platonically in that case.

anyway that’s enough of me!! sorry once i left this overnight i forgot what i wanted to say + after the first few tiers i ran out of things to say :P

[cathchicken]

Ok yay another round of first impressions!!! Again, spoilers for Fionna and cake below the cut! (Episodes 5 and 6)

Episode one:

- I became more invested in this episode the further it went, I ended up liking it a lot!

- farmworld society is real neat. I like how ice Finn became some demonic figure to everyone

- FINN GKT KIDS

- I liked the character if the main Finn kid (forget his name already damnnn)

- the forbidden romance was funny, but they left that universe so quickly, I want to know what happens!!

- Simon curses

- what thr hell is up with the pink goop

- Farm Finn mentions his wife is dead (CMONNN). Not sure exactly who she could be, but I’m guessing farm huntress wizard, based off of a few of the kids designs. Specifically the one with ginger hair and green eyes. The soup thing is interesting too

- OH MY GOD THE OLD JAKE IS SO ADORABLE GRAHHHHHH

- and I love that Cake actually likes him like aughhhhh

- (this is hurting my soul)

- most important note: THERE WAS A CHICKEN FOR A SPLIT SECOND I WIN AUTOMATICALLY

Overall solid episode!

Episode two:

- yeah I know what’s gonna happen. Tumblr prepare yourself

- wait I forgot about the yaoi subplot haha

- anyways time to see photos of half naked Marshall everywhere for a week now too

- ok real meat: winter king. He’s a lot more cunty than I thought. The song and animation was gorgeous!!

- why did they draw his crotch like that. WHAT cmon I can’t be the only one. It’s so… well defined. Anyways

- the whimsical gunters were perfect. Especially the fairy

- the ice Marcy??? What??

- FUCKING. CAKE. SAYING WINTER KING AND SIMON SHOULD MAKE OUT AT THR END KF THE SONG. like damnnnn she is freaky. That would have been quite something though

- oh god. Wait, is this gonna be the oncest thingy now..? Fandom wise… cake you’ve doomed us all!!

- ahem

- oh yeah bubbaline! (Garylee..?) it was a very cute montage!! And I like Gary’s candy kingdom esque idea for his bakery.

- MORE LEMONFEMS (Lemoncarb?? I don’t know how to spell it)

- idk about you guys but I like them. Well, I don’t like how they did Gary. But still. Very good

- ok back to fionna

- yes!! Candy… queen! (The name to no one’s surprise haha) she pretty much was exactly what I expected. I love her

- her song was also great!!

- unfortunately I guess her existence is short lived lol

- won’t stop me… with the power of fanart!

- I like the scene where she rolls off the bed

- yeah at this point I was sort of suspicious of winter guy

- lobotomy… thr best remedy…

- the way winter king just lets Fionna embrace him right in front of actual Simon is fucking crazy haha. I’m sure cake was loving it

- THE HE

- WHAT THR HELL

- well, the team handles trauma together….

- interesting, this universes pb is like, exactly the same haha.

- oh yeah, Fionna ain’t straight at all. You saw how she reacted when pb caressed her

- oh yeah final winter king impressions: I hate him

- also the fact he acknowledged Betty died and couldn’t give a shit. Fuck him forever

- csnt lie I’m a little sad it’s not a direct swap universe like my little theory. But ofc that’s not a problem at all, just me predicting stuff wrong

- not letting that go tho. Passionpeachy I won’t fail you. Doomed yuri is always the answer

Ok that’s pretty much it!!! Overall I really enjoyed these episodes, and I’m gonna have a good time seeing everyone else react to them :3 but now I get some sleep. I got school tomorrow

[viridianmind]

《 HERES HOW KING DESHRET CAN STILL WIN 》

or, the deshret-alhaitham-anaxa-su connections theory blob and what I've been brainrotting on. let's go over what we know so far-

deshret:

- eye symbolism

- knowledge the sky gods don't fucking like

- located in sumeru (obvious one)

- proximity to not one but two big trees (sumeru great tree and also the big green pari one to the northwest of the desert i forgot its name is it like the khavrena or something)

- automation and industrialization based on weird tech and forbidden knowledge

- that lets him make things "outside of what's expected" of his time period

-bird motifs

- Diamond motifs

- refused power when offered it

alhaitham:

- the amount of alhaitham is deshrets reincarnation theories should explain like half of his presence on this list

- literal su expy

- Diamond theming

- bird theming

- focus on light, mirrors, and possibilities leading to a choice (watch the chair scene in his trailer)

- favorite hobby? reading books. which seems normal on the surface but nahida TOLD us that books are used to hold the REAL truth of this world so I'm looking at him sideways

- eye theming. cmon guys his trailer you saw the turn he did

- makes weird solo trips to the desert

- refused power when offered it

su:

- the seed of sumeru was a mission to try and find a bubble universe where the honkai energy did not exist (iirc) on the IMAGINARY TREE which is adjacent to irminsul but that's a theory for another day

- bubble universes/alternate timelines are usually based on the CHOICES people make and how they shape the FUTURE of history

- which is just a stretch to include that chair scene from alhaithams trailer to mean he's thinking about the other universes that could be happening due to choices and decision trees

- anyways. su is a little freak with eye theming and he knows too much and I always find it funny

- called the enlightened one by the entity that governs the honkai in a weird ass game of go (this page doesn't leave my mind ever)

- also in charge of project valuka. do you wanna know what the aranaras name for deshret was. KING VALUKA. this fact drives me up a wall

anaxa:

- we've got less than a paragraph about him and I'm already insane. anyways here we go

- noted as the demised scholar (su is a doctor alhaitham is a scholar and deshret is dead [allegedly])

- already has weird eye theming

- LITERAL SU EXPY 2

- has yaoi bait with the Kevin expy (hopium this isnt currently true as of pre 3.1 HSR)

- forbidden knowledge. weird tree. absolute cunt of a guy. need i say more. we've seen this film before and personally I haven't had this kind of hyperfixation resurgence since sumeru ended so now I'm going to turn anaxa inside out to figure out what's wrong with him

- this is just a hunch but I wouldn't be surprised if nous recognized him in a similar way to that fucking go game panel (hi I'm enlightened god figure and you're the weird green freak that was smart and or crazy enough to figure this out. welcome to an ascended plane)

- theres more but I had so much else going on today pls let me know your thoughts

the more and more i think abt it the more and more i feel as though it'd be interesting if anaxa was kind of offered the coreflame and rejected it

[megjgrey]

The idea that couples can only be together if they're perfect and going to live happily ever after is ridiculous. This isn't someone's fluff fanfic or a straight woman's 'uwu yaoi babies', it's a story with drama and tragedy in a world where bad things happen sometimes! There's some post out there that I only half remember about how people are so obsessed with the 'will they won't they' romance plots of (usually straight) romance media that they can't really recognize or accept it in another form. I, for one, find it hard to care about romance when it's in that classic format. But I find Tiraa and Cyras really interesting. It's well crafted, we understand why Tiraa is interested in Cyras because he represents everything that is forbidden to her, and an escape route from the life she hates. We can't be sure why Cyras would be interested back, and that makes it interesting. We know so little about him, if he's truly a good person trying to do the best with what he has and putting up a mysterious, dangerous facade- or if the rumors are true and he's just a cutthroat murderer. Or, more likely, something in between! I'm not rooting for them to live happily ever after, I'm sitting back with a bowl of popcorn. If anon doesn't like that, well, to each their own, but they have no right coming to the author's inbox and yelling at them about it.

Anyway, The Croaking is by far one of my favorite pieces of media of all time. I really enjoy the drama and can feel invested in the relationship plotlines *because* of all the things anon is complaining about. It's so distinctly queer. Here's to you continuing to break our hearts.

ugh thank you so much for this, this says what I was trying to say in a post I ended up deleting because I thought I'd taken it too far lol.

It's always the getting there that interests me, which is why I don't usually read romance unless it's used as a subplot to something actually exciting going on, and why romance is never actually the main thing my comics are centered around - because without any kind of plot it's just so boring. And if I get bored reading that shit, I'm gonna get bored writing that shit.

I want my characters to be meaty and succulent, with their own wills and flaws, and if they end up smashed together in some way then all the better, but that happily ever after is not what I'm solely working towards. And if you think any of my characters are gonna find that happiness easily, then you haven't been paying attention lmao.

[famej]

Mr Smooth

(Sakamoto x Reader)

Another perfectly smooth day in Sakamoto’s perfectly smooth life.

He arrived just in the nick of time before the school gates closed, the rain didn’t even wet his neatly fixed hair and he understood everything said in class, even answering all the teacher’s questions right.

What wasn’t going so smoothly was Y/N’s day. By the time she reached school, she was soaked to the bone , all her textbooks were in a similar state. Her irritation stopped her from paying attention and she got scolded by the teacher for slacking off. And the worst was that she had to sit next to fucking perfect Sakamoto !

When the bell rang, she fished a snack from her bag, luckily  itw as wrapped in plastic and so, was intact from the water. That sweet treat came at the right time, bringing her some comfort on this shitty day.

Mr Perfect was reading whatever a perfect guy would read, re-adjusting his glasses fro mtiem to time. The sight reminded Y/N that she had a dounjinshi sleeping in her bag and she felt the urge to take it out…

Any sort of mangas were forbidden at school, but could Victuuri wait ?

The bell rang again, signalling the end of the break and answering in inner question. She sighed and got up to throw the plastic wrapper in the bin before coming back to her seat.

She was so caught up in her negative thought that she didn’t notice the backpack laying in her path and her feet hit the bag making her stumble forward.

Before she could meet with the floor or any surface that could’ve hurted her, someone caught her, preventing the fall.

Her front was against her saviour’s chest  and their hands were delicately holding her waist to maintain her on her feet.

When she looked up, she found herself in Mr perfect in person. His glasses had slipped only a milimeter from its original place and his hair had a barely perceiptible movement from how fast he seemed to have fly to your rescue.

So fucking annoyingly perfect !

Y/N pushed herself off him and straightened her uniform. Only meeting his gaze for an instant, not able to do more due to the embarrassment. Then bowed forward in a respecting manner.

«  Thank you »

She caught him nod briefly while pushing his glasses back with the tip of his finger. A really faint pink tint was coloring his cheeks.

«  It was nothing »

Sakamoto bowed and sat back at his desk and Y/N did the same. The classroom quickly filled with the students who went to get snacks or simply take a walk.

The teacher for the mathematics lesson arrived and ordered everyone to get their textbooks out.

Everything went rather smoothly at first, thanks to the idiots in her class who always got the attention of the teacher so she rarely got asked anything.

At one point, it got to geometry, and she had to look through the mess in your bag for her geometry tools.

She had to put her bag on her lap and searched the depths. In the process of moving things around, her doujinshi flew out and landed on the floor. The light smacking noise attracted some of her classmates’ attention as well as the teacher’s who whipped his eyes toward the object of your secret adoration.

Y/N felt doom fall upon her as the teacher approached dangerously, picking it up would be even worse and you’ll probably end up in the principal’s office for hiding one of the prohibited items to bring at school.

«  Who’s is it ? » the teacher asked looking at all the close by students for the culprit.

«  That kind of reading is forbidden in school, you should be aware of it by now »

The young woman opened her mouth to admit her crime 

«  It’s… »

«  That manga is mine »

She turned her head so fast that he almost got whiplash. Mr Perfecr had stood up and was accusing himself of owning a BL doujinshi, a +18 one at that. Y/N was torned between being curious of how he would manage this one and the satisfaction the blame being on someone else.

The teacher looked confused. He eyed the others, clearly not believing the young man.

«  Sakamoto ? Are you kidding me ? You can’t read boys love »

Everyone’s eyes switched from the teacher to Sakamoto

«  Yaoi is an interesting source to learn about men acts and feeling when they experience love. And when most of the time we have the point of view of their love interests, so the way their «  advances » are seen by the other party. Men shouldn’t be ashamed to read that kind of literature be cause it expresses our most sensible side . You should try it sensei »

Y/N refrained a laugh. Did he just told a very manly and narrow minded teacher to read a yaoi ?!

«  OI ! Is he stupid or what ? » she thought

The teacher’s jaw clicked at the comment and itw as obvious that he was going to chew the hell out of this guy

«  Sorry sensei, it’s mine. It fell out of my bag when I was looking for something. Sakamoto was surely helping me by accusing himself. I know I shouldn’t have bought his I’m sorry »

He was definitely lost. What to do of those two students and what about the furiusly pumping vein on his tample ?

«  I don’t care ! Detention for both of you ! Sakamoto because youd dared mock me and lied. Y/N because you brought this horror at school »

He turned around the manga still in his hand and that moment, Y/N unplugged her brain, choosing stupidity.

«  Sensei, can I get it back, I haven’t read it yet ? »

He turned around, eyes ready to kill her on the spot.

«  Do you want me to double your hour, Y/L/N ? »

She surrendered , lifting her hands forward

«  No, I’m sorry, sensei »

On that, the day didn’t get any brighter, for any of our protagonist since Sakamoto got his fisrt detention.

***

After class ended, Mr Susuki asked hsi two victims to saty behind.

«  You two are going to clean every little corner of this classroom. I want it to be shining when I’ll arrive tommorrow morning »

Then he left, slamming the door shut, leaving the two of with their painful assignments.

Sakamoto grabbed a duster and worked right away, while you watched him, not knowing how t ostart up a conversation. She took all the necessary tools and went t oclean the windows, she was turning and re-turnign ideas in her head on how to apologize to him. Not that she really wanted to , after all the guy got on her nerves most of the time. But she felt guilty for dragging him down with her.

When it became too much for her mind to be tortured that way, she turned around, fiddling with her washcloth, took a deep breath and throw herself in.

«  Sakamoto, I’m sorry that you got detention because of me. And it’s probably not even receivable since i twill be noted on your record but again, I’m sorry »

She finished her apologies with a bow and stayed like this for a few seconds, not knowing what his reaction would be.

«  No need to apologize. It was on my own accord that I chose to accuse myself in your place. Sadly, it didn’t workout the way I expected. Nonetheless, I should be the one to say thank you »

He bowed, while you stared at him in disbelief.

Y/N replayed his words in her head ; she snapped.

«  Are you dumb or what ?! Why would you thank me when I’m the reason why you got detention ? Ugh, if you haven’t pretended to be at fault this morning I would’ve been the only one punished. Why do you have to act so perfectly well all the time ! You should get that checked out, it’s porbably maladive ! »

With that little outburst of hers, she just threw everything she thought of her classmate right in his face. Way to go…

Sakamoto, restraightened from his bow and offered her a small smile.

«  I only behaved like I did because I felt like itw as the right thing to do. I simply wanted to help a classmate out. I’m sorry if my behaviour is bothering you. I’ll try to be less «  perfectly well » in your presence »

Y/N rolled her eyes, even though she felt a ping of guilt.

«  Shut the hell up ! I’m not asking you to do anything and you don’t have to listen to me anyway… Don’t you want to yell at me ? »

He re-adjusted his glasses .

«  I have no reason to be mad. I simply wanted to act friendly toward you. And I have to admit I find the way you treat me interesting. While all our classmates praise me for everything I do, you don’t, why ? »

«  Are you serious ? Because you’re fucking annoying that’s why ! »

Y/N turned around and got back to work, knowing this conversation wouldn’t go anywhere.

«  In this kind of situations , frienships are bound to be created. If you’ll bear with me, let’s get to know each other more »

The young woman froze, and try to process the words she just heard. Then turned around to meet Sakamoto’s gaze. As serious as usual, his expression neutral….

«  You want us » she gestured between the two of them with her index «  to be friends ? We have nothing in common. You’re a grade A student and I’m not caring much about it. I read yaoi and you’re probably into Akutagawa or something  like that »

He wandered off to dust the shelves.

«  I know that. But isn’t friendship based on the difference between two people and what they can learn about each other ? »

«  You don’t have many friends, do you ? »

«  Not really. But it would do me good to meet people who have a different vision from mine »

Y/N sighed and placed her hand on her hip.

«  Okay, let’s try , and now that we’re friends, can you help me study the current math chapter, no matter what I do, I can’t get it »

He looked at you over his shoulder and showed off a satisfied smile.

«  It would be a pleasure, friend »

[i-did]

hi hello i couldn't sleep last night so i was scrolling thru all ur asks and stuff and ur opinions and analyses are so interesting!!! and then afterwards i was thinking about what u were saying about mlm smut and i'd also been thinking about such things a little bit recently bc like.....at a certain point it becomes quite clear that the vast majority of smut-writing is just imitation. like there's the sex noise verb list and all and the whole general mechanics of the sex and those things just .... replicate over and over. and the whole thing w people writing mlm vs wlw smut regardless of their own sexual orientation..... like i feel like a big part of that is just a self-perpetuating thing. like if u have not had sex and u r getting all ur (pleasure-related) sex ed from fandom (even if u do watch porn, that doesn't rlly tell u how to describe stuff? idk) regardless of What fandom , the majority is going to be mlm smut. which is itself majority imitation of other mlm smut, imitating and imitating back to whoever knows what the first smut fanfic was etc. there's just way More to mimic than there is on the women side of things. which then becomes a self-perpetuating thing, bc the mimicry continues and generates more and more. and---if there are fundamental misunderstandings of anatomy involved---those self-perpetuate as well. and maybe even exaggerate. and yeah. does this all make sense? idk i was just thinking about it. like all the stereotypes and stuff continue bc writers are getting their inspo from other writers rather than their own brains. or something. idk!!!!! it's just all... divorced from reality? bc words. or something!! i hope u get what i'm trying to say. just thoughts i've been thinking. anyway i think ur thoughts are cool. and ur writing. ok bye have a good day!!

Okay yeah this is kinda messy but hope u see this, uhh yeah I think you're right about the echo chamber effect fr about stuff. I think it's a mix of projecting too sometimes. talk more under the cut and also link to a video essay since I love video essays.

Here’s a video that sort of touches on this topic: 

“Gay fanfiction” by Sarah Z. (has CC)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8E_C00dKwI

This video begins to talk about fetishization at the end, but also… not really. The words “gay fanfiction” is used as a catchall, when really gay fanfiction is largely mlm written by non-mlm.

Fandom is a largely women's space dominated by the female gaze in a media industry world that is dominated by men and the male gaze. I'm really glad women have this space to explore creativity and queerness, and I don't expect the female gaze to go away, but I am still ultimately bummed out I can’t read most fanfic or interact with most fandom spaces without having fetishization in my face. 

So about 80% of fandom is women, and most of those women aren't straight, but 90% of those women prefer mlm ships. Why don’t they prefer wlw ships? Well definitely part of it is the fact that queerbaiting is centered around white straight men, and then there is also the fact that women tend not to be written as well charcter wise. But the fact still remains that you get jerjean getting priority over Layla and Alvarez who are in canon just as much and are a canon wlw couple who actually interact as well as Alvarez could likely be a woc because of her Hispanic last name. Korasami doesn’t get nearly as much hype as zuko and saka, despite the fact that they are 2 fully dimensional characters who canonly kiss and hold hands, something the creators fought for and ended up having to sacrifice another reboot for. 

I do believe the fandom echo-chamber is largely responsible for… a lot of things, like you're saying. But what's interesting is that the complaints I've heard about visual porn from non mlm in the fandom space is that they can’t get off to it because its for the male gaze and misogynistic usually. But they also don't seem to notice how the mlm smut circles has the female gaze and is also… almost always mlm. If it was a pure anatomical not knowing thing, I get that, but I also think that leads to the question of “then why the male body for porn, and not your own? The one you know and are familiar with?” 

I know some people want to get outside of their own body for porn and don’t want to think of their own anatomy at all, but overall I'm still uncomfortable. If an anglo said “well I watch porn of only Mexicans so I don't self insert” I'm gonna be like … hhhh in a similar way. I understand people “like what they like” but I wish they also noticed said patterns in the first place. I understand the t4t tumblr porn circle, and how it's different from cis people who only watch trans porn. 

I actually wished that instead of fandom focusing on mlm ships where some asshole guy hits on bottom troupe charcter for top troupe character to save, was instead… a wlw character experiencing said shitty getting hit on and other wlw swooping in. what's interesting is fandom writes a lot about misogynistic experiences without often realizing it. Ive read fanfic where guys get called sluts for sleeping with people or called bitch for speaking their mind, these arent things men usually experience, but rather women. Fandom has a lot of internalized misogyny and also queerphobia imo. Women characters often get pushed to the sidelines and men become the canvas for female fans to project onto. 

There is this natural inclination to mlm. When people are talking about “gay shipping” or “gay books” or “gay feels” or even just “gay” mlm is what’s largely in mind. I honestly am kinda saddened by this because if gay fanfiction was really solely about writing more to feel represented, then you would see a lot of bi and ace and lesbian rep, but this isn't the case. Queer women are seriously underrepresented, and I want to hear their stories and read them in fanfiction as well as published. 50% of lgbt literature is mlm, and of that its largely written by women. Becky Albertalli, Rainbow Rowell, Maggie Stiefvater, are the YA big names and are all women writing mlm. Red white and royal blue is written by Casey McQuiston and Captive prince (which is not YA) is written by C. S. Pacat, who is non-binary, but is also TME and not mlm. These are all the big names in mlm lit, behind them is some gay men, but honestly their stories aren't preferred, they're not the right “flavor” for the consumers usually, who are largely women. In general YA consumers and authors are women, but I wish that they… just wrote about women too. I think there is a certain… snowball effect to the overrepresentation of mlm representing the whole LGBT community that leads to fetishization, as well as misogyny playing a factor in: less women characters being written well to write fanfic on, when they are written well they're taken less seriously or the audience struggles to relate to them, they're less marketable then men. 

Idk I never feel “seen” or “represented” by any of the books above, which don't address boyhood and manhood and queerness intersecting really, and AFTG doesn’t either. I relate to AFTG as a trauma victim who has experienced a lot of what many of the characters go through and have gone through in the EC as well as them just overall being very well written characters, but I don't relate to it as a mlm really. I've never seen like.. gay voice or being straight passing or femphobia or how boyhood can be affected from a young age by those around you sensing you're ‘other’ or if you didn't experience this you feel outside the mlm community. Let alone sub cultures like bear and leather and pup, at most you see the word “he's such a twink” in fandom which... i fr hate non mlm using that word because it's usually used to replace the f-slur essentially, used derogatorily or to call him “such a bottom” and stuff like that. It’s like a joke or an insult.

Long story short, idk mang this was a ramble and I think I'm coning down with something. I wanna see more queer women rep and women authors writing about being a queer woman too. I think it's a complex web of fetishization and a bit of forbidden love yaoi culture (or it used to be in the BOYXBOY days) as well as misogyny on an industry level, creator level, as well as reader/consumer and fandom level. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to explore other peoples stories and what we read has to be segregated, “only mlm are allowed to read and write mlm, only wlw are allowed to read and write wlw,” but I also think author’s intent and audience and background is telling, as well as overall statistics. Like about an hour ago I was looking for cookbooks in spanish or in english, and I was looking for some mexican food cook books, but I had to look for them using words in spanish because otherwise what came up was a bunch of “fiesta party, easy as uno dos tres authentic cooking!” and I was like… hm. Since I could tell they were marketing to anglos. (also the author’s last names were like michelle smith, james cooper, and this could be for a variety of reasons, but I trust Hispanic names more tbh and deadass would look at the authors pictures and if they had other books in Spanish or what their specialties were.)

anyways. not sure how to end this. uhm if anyone has any book recs (my to read list is like 500 books tho no joke) preferably not YA white mlm written by a white lady, hopefully queer women written by queer woman, LMK, I need more wlw and queer women stories on my list. I have a decent amount but always looking for more. I kinda wanna link my goodreads or my storygraph but I also don't want to get doxxed and it has my legal name on it so.

Also, I'm dyslexic and using spell check but if there's like some wild typos my b.

[peonycats]

🥺🥺 reading your answer made me want to be iran's friend too so i can go over to their house.... their stuff smells like roses!! AND they grow flowers in their house i want to cry?? that sounds like such a nice house mx. iran please pass gardening tips and let me smell your stuff please 🥺🙏 also having a forbidden twitter account is valid behaviour!! mx iran please befriend me you're so cool

also your headcanons about yao are so good he is Bastard Man. him having a goth phase when he was young is E V E R Y T H I N G!! and yes he could possibly be such a good if bitchy friend (and !!! at that acts of service love langauge) like "oh you stupid dumbass i can't believe you're so forgetful i had to help you get your lunch you should THANK me for taking to time out of my day to bring it to you" also "among his many many other flaws" exactly. get his ass. also of course Macau is the family favourite and he needs to stay away from like approximately 1/2 of east asia he is such a bastard evil man

FDSHFHDSH THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE PRAISE.... youre absolutely right they have a very nice house!!! and they are pretty cool except for all the petty online and offline beef they have with everybody else (cough cough saudi arabia)

ASGHDGHAS ALL OF MY FAVES ARE VARYING DEGREES OF BASTARD..... YOU LOVE TO SEE IT- cinnamon roll charas have a place in my heart too but the real fun is making fun of your faves lolllllll- also like that acts of service shit???? exactly how asian parents act theyd die before before ever saying ‘love ya” but then will just randomly do nice things for you or feed you (prbly the latter) and thats a huge part of how i imagine mister yaoi gang but anyways macau out here channeling the energy of the kid ur parents keep on talking abt who has A+++ grades, invested in wall street, went to harvard, was a top river boating player, and bought his mom a porsche

[thefloatingstone]

Random Sailor Moon fact;

If my information is correct, I have been told that when the first season of Sailor Moon was airing on TV, Showing an actual kiss on normal television was still considered really taboo. (Which is also part of why in 80s OVA you’ll see anime sometimes REALLY over exaggerate a kiss. Because it was literally something too saucy for regular Japanese TV)

Because of this, the first season of Sailor Moon used a lot of “work arounds” when showing characters kissing where you see them kiss on screen... without the actual kiss being shown. Which basically means a lot of this;

Season 2 of Sailor Moon starts with an extended anime-only arc where Mamoru has lost his memories, but Usagi regains hers. So Usagi remembers being in love with Mamoru but he doesn’t remember being in love with her and it’s very sad and dramatic. When Mamoru DOES get his memories back and the arc is over, our first scenes of the two of them FINALLY being together after over more than a season comes to this

From what I’ve been told, kissing by this point wasn’t completely forbidden on normal television but was still kind of not done as it was still seen as rather sexual. But by this point Sailor Moon had become an absolute juggernaut of a show raking in views and money. So it was pushing against the whole “no kissing allowed” rules pretty hard. (Mamoru’s hand is still semi in the way of actually showing the kiss itself)

Later on in the season, near the end, the show could actually show Black lady and Tuxedo Mask kiss on screen so I assume by this stage the rules were relaxed even further.

By the time the third season came around... it seems these rules were pretty much nonexistent.

(this is from the movie I know. But you get my point)

It’s just a detail I don’t hear people talk about that much.

I HOPE my sources are correct but if not let me know and I’ll just delete this post to save myself embarrassment X’D But from what I can see, the show matches the information I’ve been given really closely (seriously ALL the kisses in Season 1 are shot in a way that we never actually see the kiss itself)

Anyway, just some interesting trivia.

Japan’s broadcasting laws of what could and could not be shown are fascinating because a lot of “weird shit” actually came about from people trying to use loopholes in the law to show what they want in their stories.

This is why tentacle hentai exists in the first place. Because Japan had it forbidden to show male genitals of ANY form, even direct to video. So you got tentacles which aren’t TECHNICALLY male nudity.

At the same time, you had a lot of Lesbian manga come into the industry in the 70s and 80s. But Japan still had strict laws on what was allowed, so most if not all lesbian manga that came out during this time either had a last episode of “Oh she decided to marry her male friend instead in literally the last 5 minutes” or “oh it turns out the reason the girls felt so strongly for each other is because they’re sisters and weren’t aware of it” or some or other quick tacked on ending to “make it straight”. Because that was literally the only way you could get ANY lesbian content published at all.

Similarly, Sailor Moon had Michiru and Haruka, a clear and delibirate lesbian couple. But unlike Mamoru and Usagi, Haruka and Michiru are never shown kissing in the show at all.

So, much like everything else, work-arounds were put in place to clearly communicate that they are a couple, without showing kissing.

I have no idea where Japan’s broadcasting laws stand on showing what kind of kisses where at the moment because I don’t actually look into this stuff (I just find it interesting to see how rules shape art) but I’m pretty sure hetero kissing is pretty much accepted in general broadcasted shows

Lesbian kisses on broadcasted shows is actually allowed these days, even outside of uncomfortable fetish anime. Heck Sailor Moon Crystal which is aimed at preteens are now allowed to show girls kissing

And although I know it’s incredibly hard to find real gay rep in anime outside of hentai, yaoi and other fetish material... it DOES look like boys kissing are showing up outside of the “This was made to be kinky” type of OVAs

anyway this post kind of ran away with me but yeah.... my point is Sailor Moon wasn’t allowed to show kisses when it first aired so it basically just.... had characters kissing and framed it so you don’t actually see the kiss. Until it got so popular and made so much money it could almost do whatever it wanted.

(also again, when I say Broadcast I mean shows meant to air on TV and stuff. Because Kissing has been in anime the second the VHS and Laserdisc market happened and OVAs could almost do anything they wanted and that’s why 80s OVAs are so hyper sexualised and violent. Because that’s the only place you could get those kinds of things)

Or I could have gotten my information wrong and this isn’t accurate and I’ve just made a fool of myself.

It turns out you can’t really just google “Japanese Broadcast Laws” and get any kind of helpful information.

It’s like 2AM I’m going to bed

[eldritch-elrics]

MEMES 2018

happy 2019 everyone! let’s take a look back at the memes of 2018.

i decided at the start of the year to keep a running list of memes i saw. here it is!

disclaimers:

they’re in roughly chronological order but not always

some of these might not count as memes

some are probably from years other than 2018, but i noticed them in 2018

mostly tumblr memes but also some from youtube, etc

bolded are the ones that i found most important or prominent, at least in my sphere of the internet

anyway, on to the list

tide pods / forbidden snacks

mcdonalds alignment chart

connect four

un-tumblrized

ADAM!

do you know the way? / ugandan knuckles

fbi agent

knuckles dying

left exit off ramp

somebody toucha ma spaghet

shirtless kylo ren

it’s 2028

pop team epic characters

the return of cat no banana

boo boo the fool

google arts and culture

absolute unit

thinking face emoji, thonking

person at stall with coffee: change my mind

mii channel theme

steamed hams

that’s just how it is on this bitch of an earth

green m&m message

upside down mcdonalds sign

gru’s plan

a song but every other beat

roblox death oof

but go off i guess

gay/bi/lesbian distinguished/functional/disaster alignment charts

russians blocked from tumblr

krusty krab vs chum bucket

globglogabgalab

you guys are just mean

we need a disney princess who x

american chopper argument

braver than a us marine

spongebob nopants

gay keyboard smashing

“mine” by bazzi

hand sanitizer vs 0.01% of germs

the ok sign (gottem)

“click to see a ghost” (it’s not a ghost)

god tier vriska

if you don’t love me at my x

zuckerberg trial

regular couple / yaoi couple / yuri couple

wallmart yodeler

press f to pay respects

todd howard’s wikipedia page

infinity war is the most ambitious crossover event in history

x dies in infinity war

gorls

john mulaney

you know what that is? growth

guy shooting other guy on couch (who killed hannibal)

floating boy chasing running boy

Дpyr

the baking a cake song from lazytown

t pose to assert dominance

is this a pigeon?

lesbians who like thor

bart hits homer with a chair

childish gambino - this is america

yanny/laurel

trumpet boy

person alarmed by powerpoint

i don’t feel so good…

miiverse (who thought it was even remotely okay to put this here)

scene from the good place where janet has a cactus

it’s free real estate

we live in a society

t hanos

chinken nunget

the dancing trickster god guy with the wacky glasses

lightning shapes

standing in lettuce

todd howard in general

ihob - the b stands for burgers

crow talks over smaller bird

despacito

we’ve updated our privacy policy

this is so sad alexa play despacito

big dick energy

human and robot from i robot talking

list of best x characters

fingers in his ass

*snap* yep. this one’s going in my cringe compilation

polite cat

slaps roof of car

let’s go lesbians!!

young thug on the computer

fucking superb you funky little x

characters react to you having a tapeworm

teleportation arg

howard the alien

small your dick

alternate responses to “i love you”

more alignment charts, most notably bitch/thot/bastard edgy/depressed/dumbass

elon musk

different communities shaking hands or fist bumping over a shared thing

favorite character bingo

energy sword sunday

thank the bus driver

gamecube

the comeback of minecraft

fortnite

rabies

asbestos becoming legal

pensive emoji

drake, where’s the door hole?

my two brain cells communicating

twink boutta pounce

kung pow penis

johnny johnny

can you cast obsidian

do yall hear sumn?..

x happened at claire’s

bowsette

responses to “i’d die for you”

manga/anime/netflix adaptation

moths and lamps

bongo cat

x do y challenge

wig

zendaya is meechee

adding lucky luciano to photos

presidential alert

the scp foundation

skyrim dialogue: hey, you’re finally awake

setting other songs to the party rock anthem video

weird flex but ok

youtube outage

can i copy your homework?

attention all fortnite gamers, john wick needs your help

tik tok (i wanna be tracer, hit or miss, why do good girls like bad guys)

let’s get this bread

super smash bros world of light trailer

what sort of pics usually get sent at 3 am? ;)

one taught me love, one taught me patience, one taught me pain

"x, can i have y to do z?” “to do z?” “yeeeees"

a human, a monster, a prince from the dark

pikachu :0 face

detective pikachu

have a seat please. i would like to discuss steven universe with you

chonk chart

i’m making fucking mac and cheese

they did surgery on a grape

fantasy art of a creature holding a sword out to another creature

imagine doing x (this post made by y)

no nut november

frankenstein is the creator not the monster

fallout 76

that’s my emotional support x

tumblr nsfw ban, female-presenting nipples

the death of fingers in his ass sunday

domino effect

big chungus

[jinguuji-san]

Yeah but like 1) Utapri is not even marketed as "yaoi" anyway, and it's not R18+ either and 2) general BL/LGBT+ rep in your Utapri would literally hurt no one so maybe don't call every instance of LGBT+ rep in anime "yaoi" when it's just general tame BL shit thanks 3) if anything otome needs it as a genre because of how straight-centric otome (and its fanbase) is (not to mention otome fanbases tend to be very homophobic overall)

Where did I mention that every instance of lgbtq is instantly bl??? Also who says that I don't already watch anime that has lgbtq people in it? You're assuming and it's honestly starting to piss me off.Not even going to acknowledge your second bullet point because it's you once again assuming.Don't preach to me. Especially on anon. You aren't going to make me change my mind about a genre that makes it seem like it's forbidden and taboo for these guys to even be together. Maybe if that wasn't a huge chunk of it I could try it.You don't like that I dislike BL then unfollow the blog. Don't come to me telling me that by me disliking a genre it means I'm instantly anti lgbtq.

[owlespresso]

Infertile Ground | #2

Tip Jar

Also on ao3

Dedicated to @yaoi-jeezuz, who loves Sugawara. And @sapphyrelily, whose work inspired me to write this story.

It’s been two days since your first guest arrived. Over that period of time, you’ve decided that Sugawara Koushi is easy to get along with. Perhaps the council decided to start you off with their best-behaved child. You suppose it’s wrong of you to talk about him like he’s much younger than you are, because you really have no idea about his age range. 

Appearances mean little. Even the oldest of gods can change their appearance at will. You have no idea how old Sugawara is, and somehow, that just makes you warier.

He wakes up before you do. On the first day, you insisted that he use the kitchen as though it’s his own. You expected him to make food only for himself, but today you woke up to two plates of scrambled eggs and bacon. After so many years of living alone, eating breakfast with someone else felt outlandish. Even during your childhood, you hardly ate breakfast with your family. Your father was always at work and… your mother was hardly ever around during your early years. Eating breakfast with Sugawara isn’t bad, though. He’s a good conversationalist and is patient with any verbal blunders you make.

He accepts your every mistake, to the point where it feels like he’s seeing through you. That unsettles you. Being unpredictable has always been a reliable defense mechanism. You don’t want to let the walls you’ve built around yourself crumble. You won’t let him make you feel.

Or maybe you’re just overthinking it.

On the third day, you get up at six-thirty AM and find him awake, again. How can someone stand waking up so damn early?

“Good morning,” He greets, smiling softly. You can see that he’s wearing one of your old aprons, the pink one with a cat face on it. It looks cute on him. “Did you sleep well?”

“I slept fine, Sugawara-san. How about you?” He looks so utterly natural in your home, like he’s always been here. For someone who was so hesitant and cautious on his first day, he’s certainly adapted to his surroundings. He still treats you politely, kindly, but you can tell that he’s comfortable. “You should really wake me up before you make breakfast, Sugawara-san. I feel guilty leaving all of it to you.” You hate feeling useless. Merely sitting and looking pretty has never suited you. You’ve always felt the need to contribute, but you struggle with actually starting.

Brief flashes of inspiration aren’t enough to live a healthy, productive lifestyle. Discipline is what you truly need. Motivation is fickle and fleeting. You never know how long it’ll last.

“It’s really no trouble,” Sugawara assures, giving you a concerned glance, “It’s the least I can do. You’ve been a really great host,” He feels the need to repay you? For what? It wasn’t your idea to have him stay here. You didn’t extend the invitation. He had been thrust into your life with hardly any warning. If the council hadn’t of sent him, you never would have met. “Besides, you always look so happy when you eat my food~ It lets me know I’m doing something right.” How could he do something wrong? That’s the question you want to ask. He’s been the model guest, this entire time.

“You’ve been great,” You don’t hesitate to tell him, “I mean, really. I was worried that the council was gonna send someone horrible. I’ve dealt with some pretty spoiled demigods in my lifetime, but you’re definitely not one of them.”

“You really think they would do that?” Sugawara questions, bacon sizzling in the skillet. You watch him slide the freshly-cooked meal onto a porcelain plate, positioned neatly next to the stove. The skillet gives crackling noise when he sets it on one of the inactive burners. The stove shuts off with the flip of a switch, and he slides a plate of delicious, freshly-cooked food in front of you. It’s still kind of weird, to have someone take care of you, like this.

“I know they would,” You reply, your tone frozen over with bitterness. Fortunately, he seems to understand that your anger is not directed at him. “They can’t just leave me alone, y’know?” It feels weird to confide in someone you’ve only known for two days, but Ai isn’t here and none of your other familiars haven’t shown up. Besides, they already know your problems. You’d just be complaining to them for the thousandth time. “I was lucky enough to be born with some pretty neat powers, and they were lucky that I wanted to help. Never said I wanted to be a goddess.”

“I’m… sorry.” Sugawara begins as though he’s unsure of what to say, but there’s sympathy in his voice. You lift your hand up to wave dismissively.

“No, it’s fine. Not your fault. You probably weren’t even around, back then.” He probably wasn’t even asked to come here, either. They just sent him, forced him into it. “I shouldn’t be unloading my problems on you, anyways. You’ve been a great guest.” Why are you only talkative when you’re bitching about your problems? You really can’t answer that question.

Sugawara looks much different than he ever has, before. There’s a haunted expression on his face, like he’s just unearthed some horrible, forbidden secret. Did he… not know? Damn, the council was playing dirtier than you thought they would! Apart of you is almost amused at his aghast face, because you’ve been dealing with this problem for years, now. If you didn’t laugh at it, you would go insane.

“I’m kind of surprised that they didn’t tell you, but also not. I mean—I haven’t been there in about ten years. So a lot of the messengers and celestials probably don’t know who I am, or they just don’t mention me. It’s old news.” You inform him with a shrug, hoping to make light of the situation. “So, let’s talk about you, instead. Whose kid are you?”

“Ryūjin is my father. My mother is a tengu.” Interesting. You can see that he’s inherited next to nothing from the ocean deity. Or, he’s just hiding it. You’re just glad that the tension in the room has dissolved.

“I’m impressed,” You drawl, “Didn’t think anyone would ever be interested in that scaly old motherfucker.” Sugawara gapes at your audacious comment, and you almost regret making it. “Uh—”

“Don’t worry about it!” His face blooms in a wide smile, “He wasn’t a very… good father. But he was a god so no one ever really stood up against him. It’s kind of refreshing to hear someone not be afraid of him!” You raised your eyebrows at that information. Were all gods shitty parents?

“Sorry to hear that.” You rub the back of your head. It seems that you have more in common with your guest than expected. You watch Sugawara take small bites of his breakfast, taking time to run your gaze over his soft features. He has a gentle face, with rounded cheeks and eyes. His complexion is pale as porcelain, no blemishes visible. The mole underneath his left eye is kind of cute… That’s the second time you’ve called him cute this morning.

Frustration boils underneath your skin at how familiar and natural all of this feels. You’ve only known him for two days! Maybe a little more! You can’t already be attached to him! You can’t already care so much! This is why you hate interacting with new people! You get too easily attached. It only makes it easier for people to hurt you. You have all you need, here. You don’t need anyone besides your familiars (even though they all have lives of their own and only visit once in awhile). You don’t need to meet new people or experience new things.

“Are you alright?” Sugawara’s soft voice snaps you out of your daze. A soft, pink hue spreads across your cheeks once you realize you were still staring at him. You sheepishly turn your gaze away, nodding.

You don’t need to make new friends. You don’t need company.

But when you see Sugawara smile at you, you feel the walls you’ve painstakingly built begin to crumble.

---

It’s lonely, here. Sugawara doesn’t know how you can stand it. It’s always quiet. It’s always cloudy. Sure, there are plenty of electronics, books, and other items to amuse himself with. But there’s a distinct difference between human interaction and playing video games alone. His father had warned him that you were unpredictable, that you had been isolated for ten years. He had knocked on your front door without knowing what to expect. Upon first entering, it was obvious that you were rusty with social interaction. He could clearly see the nervousness on your face and in your body language.

He immediately understood why he was the first guest to arrive. The council was definitely aware of his maturity, of his gentility. He was intuitive and responsible, a natural caretaker. As soon as he walked in, he knew that getting you to open up to him would be a challenge. He couldn’t help but be interested in you—a long forgotten, wayward goddess. He had seen brief mentions of you in scriptures and records, but there were no pictures of you. Not even any drawings or paintings.

Your presence was smaller and calmer than he expected. Of course, you were nervous. But you weren’t as volatile as his father made you out to be. You began to warm up to him on the second day.

It was his third day, here. Eating breakfast with you had been a surprisingly enlightening experience. He finally learned why you isolated yourself, and why you abandoned your godly duties. He was pleased to see that you felt comfortable enough to joke with him (even though you tried to take it back). Rome wasn’t built in a day. But you were progressing fast!

Right after breakfast, news that the second guest would be arriving came.

“I can’t believe it! They’re coming in two hours, Sugawara-san! Those assholes need to give me more time to prepare.” You huffed, scrubbing down the counter. The grey-haired man watched you, both fascinated and worried.

“You know that you can use magic to clean that, right?” He inquired, tipping his head. He swallowed nervously when you whipped around to look at him, gaze sharp as a knife. “It’ll be fine, okay? I’m sure that the council won’t send anyone too rowdy.” He tried to soothe you, watching as your shoulders slumped. You turned to look at him, expression weary. You clutched the dish towel tightly in your hand.

“I’m gonna be counting on you, here,” You murmured, before cringing. “No, I shouldn’t be. You’re the guest. I’m the host—”

“If this were a normal situation, then that would be the case,” Sugawara gently corrected, plucking the abused towel from your hand. You let him, “This was all forced on you. So let me help, alright? That’s what friends are for~!” He pretended to be confident about calling you his “friend”. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure about your feelings towards him. He certainly hoped that you would call yourself his friend.

Fake it ‘till you make it, right?

“Yeah.” He almost didn’t hear your soft murmur. His heart skipped a beat, a pleasant warmth fluttering in his chest. He tossed the soggy towel into a nearby laundry bin (positioned near the back of the kitchen), and made sure to give you a wide smile when he turned around.

It’s much. It’s one word, a single admission. But it’s a step forward, and that’s all that matters.