#anyways! that's me done being sad about something relatively silly!

[astriiformes]

.

[elleloquently]

invisible string [8] : ellie williams

part seven

| college!ellie x female!reader - welcome to the final part of invisible string! i am so sad to be ending this short series, but extremely excited for you all to read it!! i really hope you'll like it... a lot of time was spent getting it right (: thank you guys for being so patient with me! also- thank you to all of my readers <3 special shout out to those of you who have been following this story since the first part was posted. your kindness and encouragement has meant everything to me <3 ilysm

| c/w - anxiety, swearing

it was jarring, the transition from speaking to not.

your friendship with ellie started all at once and fizzled out even quicker, no lasting proof besides the sticky notes that remained on your wall.

it felt silly, looking at them everyday. you wondered if it was inappropriate, keeping them around and on display. truthfully, you still had a little bit of hope left. if you took them down, that would certainly be the end.

she was only a part of your life for a short time, but the week had felt empty without ellie.

ellie hadn't made a move, so you didn't either.

the time apart made it easier to think though, easier to differentiate your thoughts without ellie clouding your senses.

normal friendships shouldn't feel so dramatic. they shouldn't have so many lingering stares, ghosting touches, and unsaid words. at least, you didn't think so. you hadn't experienced a friendship like that before. desperate to say it all yet too scared to say anything at all, you simultaneously wanted to tell ellie everything yet keep yourself a secret, a closed off book forever.

normal friendships shouldn't require that much thought.

the idea nagged at you continuously and you had no choice but to allow it. it was december, finals were wrapping up and the promise of winter break was no longer just around the corner, it was here.

things were always a little awkward, even when they were good. tension.

things hadn't felt weird in a bad way until the mention of jesse and dina. any color had promptly drained from ellie's face, and she was too quick to get away. you were confident that you hadn't misspoke. surely it was something on ellie's end, but it bothered you nonetheless. you had to have been apart of it.

thinking about ellie made you feel selfish, because it almost felt vain to weigh the ways in which she could potentially care about you. reading into stolen glances was a pastime that possibly could've been increasing your vanity. you didn't typically have such thoughts such as oh, i look pretty today, that must be why she keeps looking at me.

you missed looking at ellie. how pathetic but true, it had only been a few days but surely your journal was tired of hearing about it.

you quickly learned that ellie seemed a little impulsive, driven by her stubbornness. well, two can play at that game. you wouldn't even text her.

you half hoped that your absence would make her grow more fond at the idea of you, though maybe you had only pushed her away further. no texts, no anything.

sure, it was finals week. but still.

half of your clothes were packed away, piles around your room that you would swear was an organized method. studying didn't really do you any good, your last final was here and you were drained. you felt like an idiot for being more concerned about ellie, but you had done fine in the class all semester anyway.

snow was finally starting to pile on the ground. you would appreciate the beauty more after your final was finished, when it didn't matter if your hair grew wet from the melting flakes.

campus was quiet and relatively empty as you hurried to the building in which your final would take place. you liked being early, and refused to push the time limit for an exam. maybe the thought of seeing ellie again made your feet move a little quicker, but you focused on rehearsing the study guide in your head during your walk.

your heart pounded with every step. despite actually enjoying the class, you never felt relaxed at the idea of an exam. you had been so focused on ellie, it didn't really sink in that you would be sitting still in a silent room, clock ticking quietly as you would try your best to answer each question. what if you couldn't even focus?

it was too late to worry, and too early to resign yourself yet.

you made it in time, twenty minutes early, your specialty, but quite a few people already occupied the classroom. it wasn't anything out of the ordinary, though. people usually arrived early for finals. the satisfied smile slipped off of your lips however when you noticed that ellie wasn't around.

your heart dropped.

did she opt to take the exam early? what if you had already saw her for the last time, and you had no idea?

you sunk into your seat, wanting to text ellie but you were starting to forget the wording of a definition that you were trying to memorize last minute. sparing a quick glance at your phone, you decided to pull out your study guide instead for a last review.

how the fuck were you supposed to focus?

it was technically still early, but you pulse quickened everytime someone that wasn't ellie walked into the room.

what if ellie wasn't coming? even if things were weird, you guys had become friends. it would be fucked up just to never say bye, right? unless she wasn't as emotionally invested in the situation as you were... which, let's be honest...

the door was heaved open once again and you tried not to look disappointed when in walked a guy from your class. you refocused your gaze on your study notes when suddenly a muttered "thank you" pulled you out of your thoughts.

the guy was holding the door open for someone, but you didn't need to look to know who it was.

in walked ellie, shoulders straight and eyes set. you opened your mouth, ready to say something, but she walked right past you and towards the desk that she previously sat in, before you became friends.

your eyebrows furrowed and it felt like the final nail.

but she hesitated.

ellie hesitated before backpedaling and sat down in the empty spot next to you. the act alone practically gave you an ego.

she didn't glance at you even once, and somehow that felt even more obvious than if she would've looked at you. despite the circumstance you felt giddy, determined to redeem yourself for a mistake that you didn't even make.

you eyed ellie. she was trying so hard not to glance in your direction, it was cute. you had to try. you'd regret it if you didn't. you mentally debated which was worse, regret or embarrassment.

"so," you began, wanting to sound confident instead of squeaky with nerves. "on a scale of one to ten, how fucked do you think you are for the final?"

ellie's eyes widened and you tried, you really did, not to break out into a grin.

you continued. "i think i'm standing at a solid..." you pretended to think, drawing your eyebrows together as you looked to the ceiling, but you already knew what you were going to say. "...six?"

ellie snorted. "do you just memorize everything that i say?" she quipped, finally turning toward you.

your smile was sly once you looked away from her. "i don't know what you're talking about?"

ellie rolled her eyes, but you were finally speaking again and it was so good. a little late maybe, but good.

"don't copy me," ellie said, her words clipped. you knew she was joking. "anyway, you're gonna do better than a six. you organize your notes like a crazy person."

you frowned at the teasing statement but your heart skipped a beat anyway. ellie couldn't seem to meet your eyes and it made you feel greedy, desperate to get to the bottom of things.

"how have you been?" you asked, casually enough.

ellie looked at you as though you had posed a trick question.

"it's finals week," she replied flatly, but there was something else there.

you nodded. "right, but..." you quietly trailed off. there was no point in starting a big conversation with the exam merely minutes away.

ellie seemed visibly uncomfortable.

"the last time we talked, i..." ellie began to speak without knowing where she was going to end her sentence. you really needed to memorize that definition from earlier.

you flung open your notes. "it's fine," you dismissed. it wasn't really, but maybe you didn't want to do this now.

ellie winced. "it's not," she disagreed.

last week she had practically left you in the dust. now she wants to get confrontational?

"ellie," you frowned. "do you want to look through my notes? i have the ones from the section that i helped you with, that day in the library?" you looked up curiously, hand hovering over the pages incase she accepted.

ellie laughed, short and breathy. "i'm okay."

her tone was polite and light, a drastic change from how awkward she was just being. you carried on, quickly scanning paragraphs. cramming was never helpful, but you couldn't help yourself.

"i didn't really need your notes," ellie mumbled, looking away from you and at her hands instead.

you barely caught on to the uttered confession. "hm?"

her words took a second to register in your brain, to which you finally pulled your gaze away from your notes.

"are you declining my help in a passive aggressive way, or do you have something to say?" you asked quickly, the words tumbling out of your mouth before you could think it over. the classrooms were always too hot this time of year. your hands felt too dry and the feeling of them against paper was driving you crazy.

"what? no," ellie quickly corrected, shifting nervously in her seat.

you leaned over to unzip your bag that was on the floor, leaning against your chair. "i was just asking," you mumbled, pulling a small bottle of lotion from it's secure place in your bag.

ellie watched carefully as you applied a small amount to your hands. the sweet, floral notes reached her nose and she craned her neck in an attempt to read the scent name on the decorated tube.

"ellie?" you pressed, zipping your bag shut once again when you were finished with the lotion. ellie's sentence was unfinished, and you were running on little to no patience.

"i'm sorry," she breathed out. it wasn't what you were expecting and you blinked in surprise.

you would've clung to her every word, but you'd rather it be saved until your finals were over. you couldn't tell if it was a good i'm sorry or a bad one, and the result might genuinely impact your grade. it had to be discussed, you couldn't live with it being left alone. you debated biting the bullet and just asking if she wanted to hang out, but the idea of rejection made you hot in the face.

there it was again, regret or embarrassment.

if she said no, the embarrassment would most likely creep over you every night when you tried to sleep, but at least you wouldn't have to face her again. last chance.

you came out of your thought by noticing the dejected look on ellie's face. right, she said sorry.

"ellie," you tried again. "are you busy after this... or, or tonight?" you tried not to make it sound weighted, but you didn't think that you succeeded.

something of a surprised smile registered on ellie's face that she tried to suppress.

"after this?" ellie questioned, her words rushed. there wasn't much time to converse anymore. the final exam was looming.

you nodded. ellie blinked. "yes. sure," she responded, a little dazed.

satisfaction bloomed within you. it wasn't over yet.

thank god, you didn't have to work your way through this exam battling tears of rejection and heartache.

you wanted to say more, but the time that you had been prepping for weeks was finally upon you. you were stupidly emotional about the class ending. this class brought you ellie. this final was the reason for your budding friendship with ellie. you didn't want whatever this was with ellie to end with the class. you would finish the exam, and then you would talk.

"hey," ellie muttered, getting your attention quickly before the exams were handed out. "good luck," she said warmly.

you didn't bother hiding your smile. "good luck," you replied sincerely. you spared ellie one more quick glance before tuning in to focus.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

ellie left the exam before you did. she had finished first, only by a few minutes, but your heart raced. you were nearly done, just checking over answers when ellie had stood up, turned in her final, and left. she looked back at you before she had walked out of the doors. you had made eye contact. and then she was gone.

you skimmed all of the pages, making sure you had answered every question. your stomach hurt. did she leave? did she just leave?!

granted, of course, you could text her later. hopefully she would respond. but it was hard to make sense of any rational thoughts after the image of her leaving.

you did your best. you even felt fairly confident. you blindly gathered your things and turned in your exam, wishing your professor a final farewell and a happy winter break.

you pulled your phone out of your pocket upon exiting the classroom, hoping to see a text from ellie. instead, you simply saw ellie.

"oh," you said audibly.

ellie's head snapped up as soon as you appeared in the hallway. she was sitting on a bench outside of the classroom. she was waiting.

"how'd it go?" she asked hopefully.

you breathed a sigh of relief that turned into a laugh. she waited for you. the weight of the exam had been lifted off of your shoulders. now the only thing left that was bringing you down was where you stood with ellie.

"it's over," you mused, relieved that for a little while, there would be no assignments or tests to leave you in a tizzy. "what about you?"

ellie smiled in response, but her expression was lacking happiness. "we're free."

you nodded slowly, wanting to get on with it but at the same time feeling perfectly content with the small talk.

"so," you started, but the classroom door flung open causing you to flinch. another student completed the exam, exiting into the hallway. you stepped aside, drawing closer to ellie. "wanna get out of here?"

"do you have the time?" ellie questioned, looking at you almost accusingly.

your eyes narrowed. "yes," you emphasized. "that was my last exam. I am officially on winter break. also... you were the one that disappeared the last time we talked."

ellie paled, focusing her gaze on her converse. "yeah. about that..."

a small group of people came down the hallway. ellie stood up and gave you a look. "let's get out of here," she affirmed.

you trailed behind her, wringing your hands. what exactly were you even supposed to say? was this supposed to be some sort of all or nothing situation, because you really weren't very good at those...

once ellie noticed that you weren't at her side, she halted. "are... you okay?" she asked, looking unsure.

you nodded, eyes wide. you could see out of the doors, snow was falling once again. it was really starting to stick to the ground, too. the sight made your heart swell. "'it's snowing," you mumbled, awkwardly gesturing with your hand.

ellie let out a dry chuckle. "yeah, it is," she remarked, a soft smile painting itself on her lips. "wanna go to my dorm?"

you nodded once more, absentmindedly. ellie held the door open and you stepped outside, mentally welcoming the snow.

the walk was quiet. awkward. neither of you bothered with anymore small talk. it felt weird, saving the conversation until you arrived in ellie's dorm. you were anxious to see if she still had your doodles on her wall.

you made it in record time, motivated by the cold and slippery sidewalk. ellie laughed at you once you entered the building, stomping your shoes to rid them of any snow.

"you have snowflakes. in your eyelashes," ellie murmured, placing a careful hand under your chin to direct your gaze so she could examine them.

you stilled and held your breath, the feeling of her touch warming your body so much that you felt desperate to shed your coat.

"they'll melt," you whispered with an uneasy laugh.

ellie caught herself and removed her touch. your stomach flipped.

"i thought one time you said something about not liking when they melted on your eyelashes. something about your mascara running?" ellie teased, leading the way to her room.

"yeah, so i buy waterproof," you explained as if it were obvious.

ellie clicked her tongue and unlocked her door. "right. silly me," she breathed, stepping aside to let you into her room first. every action like that brought you butterflies.

you tried not to make it obvious, but you immediately looked for the notes on her wall. once your eyes landed on them, you breathed a sigh of relief. they were still there. suddenly you didn't feel so weird about keeping them on your wall either.

the room smelled like ellie. you wanted to soak it in.

ellie took off her coat, placed her bag on the floor and then dropped her coat on top of it. you followed suit, tucking your bag into a corner and shrugging off your coat. you were going to put it on the floor too, but ellie grabbed it from your hand and hung it on the back of a chair.

your cheeks warmed and you looked away.

"i feel like we should be studying or something," you tried with a small laugh.

"or something," ellie mused.

she sat on her bed, legs hanging over the side. you stood in front of ellie, avoiding eye contact.

"can i get you anything?" ellie awkwardly offered after a moment. "i don't have much left but i can offer you the water that's left in my bottle."

you rolled your eyes despite the corners of your lips, which quirked upwards. "charming. i'll pass, thank you."

"suit yourself," ellie sighed.

you were both trying way too hard to sound nonchalant. you hated it.

you stood awkwardly, not sure what to do with your hands. after a moment of hesitation, you finally made the plunge.

"ellie, did i like... say something? or do... something?"

you were scared of her answer, scared that maybe you really had been embarrassing yourself all along and now you wouldn't hear the end of it.

she looked resigned. you could tell that she was debating something, the way her eyes flicked away from your face and her eyebrows drew together.

"you didn't do anything," ellie confirmed. you could tell that she was physically working up to something. "i thought maybe... dina and jesse? i thought they might've said something stupid," she uttered.

you tilted your head in confusion, but your heart beat sped up. your mind flashed back to that moment, someone that ellie likes.

"they didn't," you reassured.

"yeaah, that's what they said too. i guess i just kinda... freaked." ellie replied, scratching the back of her neck.

"they were really nice," you offered awkwardly. "i didn't mean to make you feel weird or anything."

you even tried to avoid it, but you didn't have to explain that now. it's not like you would have actually hung out with dina and jesse... no offense to them of course, but you didn't know them so the idea made you feel extremely uncomfortable.

"you didn't," ellie pressed, adamant about not making you feel bad. "i thought that maybe i did."

you scrunched up your nose. "is that why you said the thing about freaking me out? because you really didn't."

ellie nodded. "i just thought they said something dumb. or something they shouldn't have said," she reiterated. ellie kicked off her converse.

your eyes widened, immediately thinking the worst. surely ellie was not the type of person to be nice to your face and then talk poorly about you to her friends? you honestly felt that if she didn't like you, you obviously wouldn't be standing in her room. still, the nagging thought persisted.

"something like what?" you asked, your voice coming out sharper than you intended.

"nothing bad, i just- dude, i feel like i'm on trial when you're just standing there like that."

your cheeks heated in embarrassment. "sorry," you mumbled, taking off your shoes and carefully tucking them next to your bag. you sat on the edge of her bed, and ellie turned to face you.

ellie's eyes scanned your features once you sighed.

"this is so dumb," you muttered. to your surprise, ellie laughed in relief.

"i was being weird. and i shouldn't have been," ellie clarified. "i'm sorry i made you feel bad."

the sincerity made you feel awkward. "it's okay. we're good?"

"we're good," ellie confirmed.

you blinked, forcing a smile onto your face. you were ready for this part to be over but there was still so much to be said.

you tore your eyes away from ellie, studying the solar system poster above her bed. "i still haven't seen the planetarium," you uttered wistfully.

ellie tilted her head, staring at you while you were unaware. "i'll take you," she said automatically, the words leaving her before she was able to doubt herself.

a ghost of a smile flickered on your lips.

"i think i've only been to a planetarium a couple times, as a kid," you said, eyes glancing over the starry map.

ellie smiled, quickly glancing from your lips to your eyes.

"for my sixteenth birthday, joel took me to this awesome museum," ellie began. her tone was wistful yet determined, voice laced with her best storytelling inflections.

you turned to face her again. ellie's eyes lit up while she spoke.

"it was a science and history museum," ellie explained. you smiled at her easy enthusiasm. "-and it had this planetarium that was the coolest fucking thing i've ever seen."

the smile quickly left your lips once your mouth dropped open in realization. "oh! the pictures!" you scrambled off of ellie's bed, leaving her to look confused and mildly concerned.

"pictures?" she questioned, getting up to follow after you. you lead her to the wall that was covered in all of her drawings and photos. you could've sworn that you remembered them. you scanned her wall, looking for two pictures in particular as your face scrunched up in concentration.

"there!" you pointed excitedly. the two photos that you remembered, ellie in an astronaut helmet grinning wildly at the camera, and ellie and joel wearing hats, posed in front of a massive dinosaur display.

"are those from your birthday?" you asked, stomach twisting with your words. you hoped that you were right, or else it might be embarrassing. maybe it was embarrassing anyway, the fact that you had so vividly remembered those photos.

ellie chuckled. "yeah actually, they are."

ellie bumped your shoulder, causing you to grin at her decorated wall.

"i love how many pictures you have," you sighed. "i have such a cute camera, but i always forget to take pictures in the moment." you explained with a frown.

"bring it when we go to the planetarium," ellie suggested plainly, as if her entire sentence didn't completely cause your pulse to quicken.

when.

we.

"okay," you replied flatly, wondering if ellie could tell how uneven your breathing had gotten. fueled by blind courage, you stared at astronaut ellie when you spoke. "i'm leaving tomorrow, though. going home for break."

"we'll go after break," she clarified, looking at you.

you turned your head to meet her eyes, willing yourself not to flinch at how close your faces were. the green of her eyes were always enchanting, but this close?

you swallowed hard. "okay," you agreed.

and it was official. ellie wanted to keep seeing you after break. you had done the impossible college task, turn a class friend into a real friend.

friend. honestly, it was laughable.

"okay," ellie repeated in a whisper. her eyes bore into yours and you were frozen, wanting to pull away but your body stayed still, feet planted. she was so intense.

you forced your body to move, turning your head away from her and taking a step back. you heard ellie sigh as you moved.

"i was never trying to blow you off," you confessed suddenly, once your back was to ellie.

you obviously had caught her off guard by the way in which she hummed in surprise. admittedly, you had caught yourself off guard too, but it had been weighing on your conscience too much. you couldn't ignore the signs anymore, and as much as you would have loved to wait around for ellie to make the first move, she was too concerned about potentially freaking you out.

"remember when you asked me if i wanted to go to the dining hall with you? the first time," you clarified. "and i said that i was free the rest of the day." you busied yourself by straightening the green throw blanket on ellie's bed.

ellie nodded, even though your back was turned. "yeah?"

"and then i stopped hanging out with you after class."

"yeah."

"i... um, i lied," you confessed suddenly, whirling around to face her.

ellie's features were etched in confusion. "lied about what?" she pressed, her voice low.

all of your insecurities felt heightened by how intensely she was staring at you. you felt cowardly, explaining the next part.

"i lied about being free?" you mumbled, face hot.

ellie's eyebrows knitted together, as if to say go on...

"i have another class on those days, like, about an hour later. but... i lied and said i was done for the day because... i wanted to... hang out?"

you mentally lost your footing but got there eventually, holding your breath once you finished your sentence. the silence was daunting until ellie suddenly laughed.

"are you fucking kidding me?" she asked, eyes wide.

"n-no?"

ellie shook her head. "why didn't you just tell me that?" ellie laughed, clearly amused.

"because it's embarrassing?" you said, believing it to be obvious.

"well, yeah," ellie mused. you visibly deflated.

ellie managed to hold back her laughter as she took a small step towards you. "you could've told me," she reiterated more seriously.

"sure i could've," you mumbled, rolling your eyes. "i was too nervous. it felt so stupid."

"you skipped class to hang out with me?" ellie's eyes glinted with bemusement. you wished she would stop looking at you, you needed a break. you quite literally felt like you were burning up.

"so what?" you snapped in defense, and ellie's laughter escaped her. you frowned, crossing your arms.

"i just wish that i knew that before," ellie shrugged, taking another step towards you. you countered it by taking a small step backwards.

"yeah well..." you shrugged. "i'm sorry. it's weird."

ellie immediately shook her head. "it's not," she pressed. she went from joking to being serious so quickly. god she made your head spin.

"i just didn't wanna-" you were quickly cut off by ellie.

"freak me out?" she finished. your blank expression was enough of a confirmation.

"imagine how i felt," ellie pointed out. "i thought that maybe i... i don't know," she shrugged it off. it wasn't fair, you were totally embarrassed and she kept brushing things off. it was infuriating. she looked so cute in her hoodie.

"maybe you what?" you pressed once again. finish your sentences, ellie.

ellie took a deep breath. "maybe i scared you off."

you shook your head slowly. yeah, these conversations were not typical in normal friendships.

"you didn't," you said. your words were quiet but weighted. you prayed for ellie to catch onto the implication. please please please-

ellie took a step closer. you took a step back. your body knocked against ellie's bed and you straightened your knees.

"good," she said simply, not breaking eye contact.

"okay, enough about that," you laughed weakly. "why did you want to hang out with me in the first place?" you questioned, attempting to change your tone.

ellie's eyebrows raised. "seriously?" she asked flatly, unimpressed with your question.

whatever. this so wasn't fun.

"how would you recommend going about making friends?" ellie asked tauntingly.

"oh, you're putting me on the spot again. let's not do that anymore," you suggested. ellie laughed suddenly and rolled her eyes.

"my bad," she joked, throwing her hands in the air to resign. you smiled but the butterflies in your stomach made you feel sick.

you threw her an accusing look but she grinned, enjoying whatever this situation was. you almost felt jealous, wondering what it was that you could have possibly done that managed to boost her confidence.

"besides, you never answer any of my questions," you argued.

"well you just have so many," ellie mumbled and then frowned. "and yes i do," she defended. "i just answered your question about those pictures being from my birthday."

"ellie," you complained.

ellie mocked your tone, saying your name as a complaint.

you appeared unamused, willing the corners of your lips not to turn up.

ellie dropped the joke-y smile and genuinely appeared to be conflicted. you worried that you pressed too far, maybe things didn't need to come out right now, but you stayed silent anyway.

"fine," ellie finally said. "ask me."

"ask you what?" you quickly questioned.

"just ask me."

heart pounding, you remained still as ellie took another hesitant step towards you. you felt as though there were so many things that could go wrong. it was all dangling, right in front of you. one wrong move or one right move, you couldn't decide which it was, and everything would be out in the open. you were terrified, wanting to immediately backpedal but at the same time, you were starting to feel addicted to the adrenaline of being around ellie. you wanted to ask her so many questions but also, nothing at all.

at once it came to you, and the final exam that you had just taken felt like it had been days ago.

you wrinkled your nose. "what did you mean when you said you didn't really need my notes?"

the expression that registered on ellie's face made you feel as though you had asked the incorrect question.

"i just mean, you didn't say that you don't need my notes, you said that you didn't need my notes which doesn't make sense because-"

"i lied," ellie cut you off.

you gaped at her and ellie took another step, this one even more hesitant. you couldn't move away any further. you resigned and sat down on her bed.

"about what?" you asked, and your voice came out more quiet than you had intended. you felt like your heart was pounding in your ears.

"i didn't need your notes."

"i know, you said you didn't but-"

"no, i didn't need your notes," ellie tried again. "i never needed your notes."

she was treading lightly and you could tell. ellie tried meeting your eyes, but you stared down at your hands in your lap.

"you never needed my notes," you repeated softly.

ellie nodded once, encouraging your train of thought. she let it linger, only for a moment before clarifying. "in the library. the study group."

what?

"you never needed my notes?" your head snapped up, eyes wide as you finally met ellie's gaze. she slowly shook her head, trying to gage your reaction.

you felt humiliated, as if you had forced ellie to study with you even though that certainly wasn't the case at all. she had even encouraged it, initiated it even, but dread still filled a pit in your stomach.

"but you said that you were there for the study group!" you said, grasping for straws. ellie chuckled.

"yeah, i was. just not for the reason you thought."

you tilted your head to the side. "go on," you said, raising an eyebrow.

"i didn't need help. i wasn't there to get help. i was actually there to give help, but the person didn't show up," ellie explained.

you blinked once, slowly. you repeated her words in your mind. you let it sink in.

"oh my god," you muttered, partly in disbelief. "why did you let me help you?"

"becauuse," ellie carefully sat next to you. "i figured... if you thought that i needed help, you would stay."

her expression remained stoic despite the red blush that was creeping up onto her face. your stomach flipped.

"and i stayed," you uttered.

"you stayed," ellie confirmed. "mission accomplished," she offered weakly.

she wanted you to stay. she acted like she needed your notes so you would stay.

ellie was watching you carefully, but you didn't feel pressured to react. you wiped your palms on your pants.

"okay," you began calmly. "i hate study groups. i hate the awkward conversation, being around people that never actually speak to me. i never go to those things. the only reason that i went was because you asked me about it in class. and so i thought that i might see you there. and i wanted to see you," you added the last part, letting the words fall into the open.

"you're fucking with me," ellie immediately said.

"i'm not," you argued, defensive and buzzing.

ellie clicked her tongue in disbelief, eyeing you. shorter strands of hair always fell into her face. you wanted to swipe them away.

"jesus," ellie mused.

"is that why you wanted me to stay? you wanted to be friends?"

ellie winced at friends, and you inwardly cringed.

dear god.

"not friends," you quickly clarified. "well, friends, but..." your voice failed you, but maybe it was for the better. you wished you weren't wearing a sweater, too warm.

ellie said your name, quietly to get your attention. you met her eyes. her mouth slipped into a sly smile when she spoke.

"i sat next you because i thought that you were pretty," she uttered pointedly.

oh! like like like!

your mind and face went blank. "oh," you laughed after a second.

"oh?" ellie questioned, watching you carefully.

ellie leaned into you, elbows propped on her legs. you swallowed hard. you felt like you were watching yourself instead of actively experiencing what was happening. it was dreamlike.

"you're the only reason i haven't skipped class all semester," you blurted out. you grimaced, twisting it into a nervous smile. okay, sure, no time like the present.

ellie looked at you curiously, cocking her head to the side. "really?"

"really," you confirmed, running your fingers along the blanket on her bed.

"you definitely weren't obvious," ellie murmured, looking at you in amusement.

"i wasn't supposed to be, are you kidding? this is humiliating."

"is it?" ellie questioned, eyebrows raised in concern despite the smirk on her face.

"sort of? oh my god, i feel so dumb. i had the biggest-" you paused in hesitation, the word crush hadn't been used yet and you were reluctant to be the first.

like like like!

"i wanted to talk to you all semester," you corrected, still burning with embarrassment. "and when you sat next to me, well, i know that technically i sat next to you but that was my seat first so really all i was doing was sitting in my normal seat where i had sat every other day but then you decided to move seats so really-"

you rambles were cut off, surprisingly, pleasantly, by ellie leaning inwards and placing her hands on your shoulders. you were suddenly pulled towards her as ellie closed the gap between the two of you.

her lips, warm and a little chapped, met your own without a moment's notice. your eyes widened in surprise before you forced them shut, melting into ellie as she brought a careful hand to the side of your face. your heart pounded, butterflies exploded in your stomach and yet you tried not to think, only to enjoy it.

like!

the kiss lasted merely seconds before ellie pulled away, lifting her hands away from you. they hovered above you, the ghost of her touch lingering. you already missed it. ellie quickly scanned your face for any indication of feeling.

you were lost for words, every hopeless hope that you had held and carried with you for weeks turned out not to be hopeless after all. now probably wasn’t the best time to feel shy, but nerves consumed you.

despite them though, you laughed. “so when jesse said someone that ellie likes…”

“yes,” ellie confirmed.

you grinned. “me too.”

“yeah?” ellie asked softly.

you hummed in response, allowing your eyes to flutter shut as ellie leaned in once again. you allowed yourself to be kissed, drowning out your nervous feelings with complete and total bliss.

you pulled away first this time, drawing your knees up to your chest.

"how long?" you inquired, peering to the spot on the wall where the sticky notes were on display.

"since the first day, when a pretty girl was in my class and i had to take the seat in front of her."

"me?" you whispered, as if you were being let in on a secret. in a way, you supposed, you were.

ellie nodded enthusiastically.

"me too," you said with a frown. "good thing you finally spoke to me, 'cause class would've ended before i had the chance."

"good thing," ellie agreed with a hum. you wanted to kiss her again.

"so, is there a reason i got invited to lunch? they said something about you canceling all the time," you mused.

ellie waved it off. "just dina being dina. i was canceling but... there was only so much time left in the semester to try and impress you," ellie joked wistfully.

you shook your head in disbelief. "i can't believe this."

"you? what about me?" ellie countered. "when i saw you that night at the bar, with that guy? god, i was fucking praying that you didn't have a boyfriend or something."

"cute," you responded simply, to which ellie wrinkled her nose.

"oh, and when i gave you my number?" ellie continued on, talking animatedly now. "and you didn't text me at all during the entire weekend?" ellie shook her head, letting out a breathy laugh. "i thought it was over for me."

"i was so scared," you admitted.

"it's okay," ellie reassured you. "we got to the bottom of it."

you smiled, looking at your hands. the silence that ensued was comfortable.

"were you ever going to tell me?" you asked finally.

ellie sighed heavily, scanning your face. "i don't know. i wasn't sure if you wanted me to. i had to be sure." she looked down at your hands, fidgeting and wringing.

you nodded in understanding. "you were sort of driving me crazy these past few weeks. i couldn't tell if you actually liked me or if i was overreacting to everything."

"oh, join the club," ellie mused.

okay, note to self, trust your gut feeling. unless anxiety is controlling your gut feeling. then… disregard completely. other note to self, try to figure out the difference between a real gut feeling and an anxious, fake gut feeling.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

you talked and talked with ellie until the sun went down. you had hardly noticed it had gotten dark. the shades and curtains were open, once letting in the natural light from the day. the room grew dark as night fell, but neither of you moved from the bed. you sat, talking and laughing and whispering and you wondered how cheesy you would seem if you pinched yourself.

time ticked by no matter how much you opposed it, and the threat of morning weighed heavy on you.

"i'll walk you," ellie insisted once you were putting on your shoes.

you glanced out of the window. snow was piling up quickly. it was beautiful to look at, but you dreaded the walk back to your dorm.

"are you kidding? no way," you refused. you felt bad enough the last time that ellie had walked you home, and that night's weather was nice compared to tonight.

"are you kidding?" ellie began putting on her shoes, lacing up her converse.

"i'm just going to go," you threatened flatly.

"okay, i'll just trail behind you and try not to look like a total creep," ellie retorted.

you pushed out a breath of air, trying not to smile. ellie had her jacket on quicker than you did anyway.

when ellie asked if you had gloves this time, you were proud to pull them out of your coat pocket to show her.

"a hat?" ellie questioned next.

"i can't find my earmuffs," you grumbled.

in response, ellie placed her own hat on your head, tugging it down so that it covered your ears with a look of determination on her face.

the walk was peaceful, though trudging through the quickly fallen snow had proven to be difficult. it was beautiful though, and ellie guided you with a careful hand on your arm so you could focus your gaze upward, at the falling snowflakes.

when you arrived at your dorm, you both hesitated in the cold despite your noses turning red.

"ellie, do you want to come in fo-"

"yes," ellie quickly answered. you grinned.

yourself and ellie spent two more hours talking together. you stood back and observed while ellie paced around your room, looking at pictures and trinkets. everything about her was endearing. the shy smile that graced her lips upon seeing the sticky notes on your wall was the reason behind your third kiss that night.

when ellie finally had to leave, she parted with promises to text when she had made it safely. and she did.

you traced her name from the sticky note over and over, emotions swelling inside of you. despite the calm you felt fairly overwhelmed, left with so much to process. positively overwhelmed, at least. no longer would you lose sleep, analyzing and overthinking trying to figure out if ellie could truly like you.

like like like!

you would see her again after break, it was certain. you would text her, not worrying if ellie didn't really want you to have her number.

after all, she gave it to you for a reason... just as she reminded you before leaving for her dorm.

so of course, you promised to text her.

and you did.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

tags :

@pinkfillerose @whore-era @lilisvlibrary @elliefilms @whteflwcrs @jasontoddsdreamgirl @icedcold @sarahsmileslikesarahd0esntcare @evanpetersluver @muthafuckingstargirl @pctcr @illicitghosts @mell0w-mushr00m @queen-arya22 @deafelliewilliams @urmyheartshaka @yourfrenchteacher @me-and-your-husband @blairfox04 @saturnsrem @poopedmypants47 @shehitdenaenae @jrjlc

[littlemisslipbalm]

Demonology

Part 2: Unholy Affliction

Series Summary: A new demon has come to Nashville. Josh and Jake's ways of life have been thrown off by her arrival. The angel and demon have lived with an understanding of one another, but with Y/N stirring up trouble and asking questions, they're forced to work out a new normal. And why is she so powerful for a human turned demon anyway, that's unusual, right?

A/N: hiiii heres part 2!!! Pls like comment and reblog bc it helps and makes me happy to hear what you think! Also I’ve added a taglist form so add yourself to that and I’ll make sure you get tagged from now on! Happy reading <3

Summary: Y/N finally runs into the demon named Jake. What a night!

Word Count: 4.8k | Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, 18+ descriptions of sex (no explicit smut yet), demon!jake ayo, i think that’s it

Taglist | Series Masterpost

Part Two: Unholy Affliction

She didn’t run into the odd angel and demon duo for two months. After the brief encounter outside of the speakeasy with both of them, nothing. She was enduring her second life back on Earth as best as could be expected as someone with little to no knowledge about the modern world with no one but her dog to talk to about things that really mattered. She insisted to Rori as they lounged around the apartment that she was having fun as he stared at her dubiously. 

She’d be more than damned to be upset that the other demon hadn’t come to find her. He probably thought he was too good for her or just didn’t care about her. Well, she definitely didn’t care. She didn’t need him to help her. Making trouble came easily to her. It was just everything else about being in this world that was hard. 

It was an accident when she finally bumped into him. At least, it was by accident for her. She had chosen to take the long way home from the bar she had made hers for the night. Swirling around to music she blared from the phone she’d picked up after a few weeks, Rori ran circles around her howling into the night. She sang along to the music and danced, staring at the waxing moon. Mostly alone, but she felt mostly alive. Wasn’t a total loss. 

She paid no attention to her surroundings. It was so late on a back road, it was unlikely anyone would be around and if they were around, she would make them sorry they bothered her. 

“Is this all you do then?” A voice from the shadows inquired. 

She recognized it immediately. She’d hung onto his voice as one of the few pieces of information she had about this ancient demon. Jake. Seemed silly to her that he didn’t have a more hellish name. It was practically still an altar boy’s name–she should use that on him if he said something really rude. 

She stops the music and her movements, coming to a complete standstill. “Jake.” 

He saunters out of the shadows, messing with his hair. He stares at her, waiting for an answer. 

“How do you mean?”

He rolls his eyes and gestures his hand to her body. “Party. Cause a little trouble. Get drunk. Wander home alone.” Sad.

She laughs, certain he was kidding, and choosing to ignore the stab in her chest she felt at the word ‘alone’. “I have my—Isn’t that the job?” 

“Just the trouble part. But altering bars to your liking doesn’t really fulfill that. There’s a lot of ways to get the job done even if your specialties are seduction and desire…” 

He narrowed his eyes at the end of his sentence. Jake thought she was silly. He didn’t take his job very seriously but he also couldn’t stand to see someone doing it differently than him. 

She didn’t feel shame but a certain strangeness about the fact that Josh had clearly talked about their night at the speakeasy to Jake. 

“You seem too young to be sent up to the big leagues. Nepo baby?”

“What baby? I don’t even know what that means.”

Jake sighs in exasperation. 

“Nepotism was around in the 70s before they dragged you down to Hell, yeah? A practice among those in power to give special preference to relatives. Erh,” Jake tried to think of a reference she might know. “Whatever. Forget it.” 

This was the third thing he added to the growing list of ways she seemed to be struggling in the modern world. This, the bars and how she wasn’t taking advantage of online ordering—he definitely hadn’t been spying on her these last two months, he just may have stopped by her place a few times. Just to see if she’d had her earthly access revoked or not. 

Jake tilts his head and his cheekbones catch in the light. He was a handsome demon. She liked his longer hair, reminding her of the boys back in the day. His brown eyes were sweet like his angel counterpart’s, but the yellow ones she had seen the other day had sent a shiver down her spine. 

“If I’m doing the job so wrong, why has it taken you this long to tell me? Maybe if you guided me or gave me information I could do the devil’s will a little better?” She tried to keep the unfamiliar nerves growing in her stomach away.

“It’s not in my interests to help you, per say.” He gestures a hand out towards the road she had been traveling, wanting them to keep walking. “But, unofficially, you're doing the afterlife life so wrong it's hurting my no good soul.” 

She falls into step with him, still watching him as he disregards her, pulling his sunglasses back over his eyes. “True demons have souls?” 

“My consciousness, whatever that I am, it doesn’t really matter what you call it. Just is the easiest term.” He grumbles. 

She smiles at his frustration with her. “So you’re gonna mentor me?” Her voice was relaxed, but she couldn’t hide the truth from herself. She wanted more than anything to have some guidance from Jake. He seemed to know what he was doing and while she denied it, she did feel unfulfilled so far. 

“I guess… It’ll get Josh off my back about your fiddling with the swing of the bars.” 

“You listen to your angel brother? And it’s really nothing, I don’t know why both of you keep bringing it up!” 

“Because people!” Jake stops, raising his voice shakily. He takes hold of her shoulders. “People have been talking about it. The first lesson of demonology is to make sure your work goes unnoticed. Evil is insidious. It doesn’t knock at the door or even bust it off its hinges, it seeps through the cracks, uninvited and unannounced until it's too late.” 

She’s alight at his touch. His hands are fire against her exposed skin that had cooled in the night air. He is literally steaming with passion and she can feel it falling off of him. She feeds off of it. Her eyes stare up into his unreadable face. His lips are parted in a perfect cupid’s bow–reminiscent of his angel origins. 

“And I don’t listen to Josh. It’s just impossible to get him to shut up.” 

She sighs, waving her hand at Rori who had returned from running ahead when he realized the two demons weren’t behind him anymore. 

“But why does Josh care?” 

“Because,” Jake shakes his head, letting go of her arms and starting to walk again. “If enough people get talking about it, then the Upstairs will eventually get a hold of it and ask Josh why he hasn’t put a stop to it.”

She’s still confused. “And?”

“For fuck’s sake…And Josh and I have a deal where we don’t step on each other’s toes. We do enough good and enough bad–at least, it had been enough–to keep the ones in charge satisfied. You’re fucking it up for both of us. Making us work.”

“It kind of sounds like what I’m doing is actually fine and you two are just mad because you don’t want to deal with it.” 

They reach a black door with a lamp to the right of it, illuminating the address number ‘666’. She stares between him and the number, tapping her nose. Jake shakes his head, twisting the door handle and grumbling something about how it was establishment-issued. The sound of the lock undoing itself is heard from inside the wall. 

He opens the door and responds indignantly. “Nuh-uh.” 

She laughs. “Uh-huh…No wonder Hell sent me up here. You’re slacking!” 

She follows him down the long dark entryway through an arch that opened into a 70s style conversation pit, completely carpeted in navy blue. The color of a deep night sky with only a few stars to keep it lit. 

“What do you expect? I’m a demon. Thousands of years old, I’ve paid my fucking dues.”

There’s a bottle of whiskey open on the coffee table in the center, half drank. In a blink of an eye, they both have full glasses in their hands. Jake doesn’t offer a salutation and drinks slowly from the glass and proceeds to remove his sunglasses. His eyes flicker between brown and yellow several times when they return to Y/N. He swore he’d seen her before.

“Plus, the humans are so much better at thinking up evil shit to do. Things I’d never even dream up.” He relaxes into his seating, looking altogether like he belonged here. Far more than he did in Heaven or Hell. 

She pulls her knees up to her chest and rests her chin on top while she takes a sip of the expensive looking liquor. She was trying to keep her eyes on Jake and her immediate surroundings rather than staring around the place with wandering eyes. It was expansive, filled with trinkets that looked older than most of the modern world, mixed in with incredible paintings and lavish decor. No house she’d been in had been this beautiful and some had been rockstar’s homes. Then again, she never had much time or lucidity to look around those places. 

Pointedly, she stared at Jake instead of the room. He had seen through her as a newbie with no real clue what she was supposed to do. She didn’t want to seem fazed by a little interior design. 

“So what do you do instead of Hell’s wishes?” 

“Play my guitar mostly,” Jake shrugs. “Then I write up a report on whatever shitty things humans have done in the last month and send it down to Hell as my deeds.” 

“You’re a musician too,” Her eyes lit up, her humanity slipping to the surface. “Tell me you play real music. Not the garbage that comes out of all the stereos around here.” 

Jake’s laugh is loud and obnoxious but she likes it. 

“It’s not all bad but I know what you mean. Nothing like the 70s around these days. Bet you would’ve liked the 90s though…There was some fantastic rock.” 

She moves closer to him, eager for Jake to talk about something she liked and cared about. He could be someone who could guide her and converse with. He shifts a little bit away from her and she tilts her head in confusion.

Jake nods at her as he swallows more of his whiskey. 

“I heard you succeeded in tempting Josh.”

“Not really,” She shrugs, immediately knowing why Jake was keeping his distance.

“Josh letting a demon kiss him to show him mystical porn…” Jake chuckles darkly. “That’s plenty of success.” 

“He’s challenging.” She tried to keep hurt out of her voice, but considering she hadn’t seen Josh either she wondered if she’d really scared him off. “Everyone else is too easy around here—and gross.”

Jake smirks. “It’s very impressive for such a minor demon to have gotten that far with an angel like Josh.” 

“It seems like you’ve had a corrupting influence on him,” she pushed back. 

“Well, yeah. But I’ve never macked on him in a speakeasy dressed like that.” Jake’s eyes wander over her figure. She wasn’t wearing the same thing as she had with Josh, but it communicated the same thing. All black, low cut and high cut all at once, and the carnelian necklace, glowing like a beacon. 

“I could make that happen for you two, if you wanted.” 

“I do not want that. At all.”

“Just checking. You sound kind of jealous.”

Jake shakes his head at her. “You’re rotten.” 

He couldn’t quite puzzle her out. She wasn’t like other demons he’d come into contact with over the years. They were solitary creatures and wretched. She wanted companionship, which was particularly human. And while she was good at the evil stuff, her desire for interaction and connection seemed to outweigh what should be her main prerogative: devilish destruction. 

She wanted to hear about his music rather than talk about how she’d almost successfully tempted an angel, for Satan's sake. Half the demons he knew barely registered music as an instrument of demonic work, much less took pleasure in it. 

“What were you doing in the 60s and 70s,” She asks. 

Jake smiled, memories flashing before his eyes immediately. His eyes go yellow at the question and she realizes it’s kind of like him closing his eyes. Like an internal eyelid or something. Something inhuman. 

Disraeli Gears began to spin on a record player somewhere in the room and her smile matched Jake’s.

“Cream was my favorite band back then. Clapton, he was the man.”

“I’m more of a George Harrison gal when it comes to British guitarists,” she says dreamily. “I saw Cream at the Troubadour when they were just starting out. But the Doors were more my style. Zeppelin, Stones and Hendrix too. God, those guys were something.”

“You were in the music scene?” Josh had said she was from Los Angeles. He hadn’t been specific about what she did.

She finished her drink and held out the glass for more. Jake just stared at it and suddenly the glass was full again. She grinned, taking a sip with a nod of appreciation. 

“Yeah. It’s what got me on the devil’s list. Sleeping with singers and doing way too many drugs. Started sneaking backstage when I was 15 and getting into trouble started about the second I walked through the door.”

Jake nodded with reverence. Her expertise made sense. Why she was so powerful, still unanswered. He finished his second glass and switched to the bottle, deciding to settle in for the night that was quickly becoming morning. 

The demons went back and forth, retelling ridiculous stories from the time where their lives first overlapped. Jake’s bad fashion choices. Her terrible taste in men. Jake’s inventions of evil. Their shared expensive taste for party drugs and liquor. 

The first whiskey and a second bottle were gone after a few hours and they were sprawled on the navy floor. She ran her hands along the soft carpet. 

“Thanks for finally coming to see me. Thought you hated me,” she murmurs.

“I hate two things in this world: Justin Bieber and global warming. I jus’ was worried you’d get me in trouble when you first got here. Needed to know if you were a snitch or not.”

She nods. Jake nods back, shutting his eyes fully. 

“Wait. Who’s Justin Bieber?” 

Jake cackles. “I keep forgetting you know practically nothing about what’s happened in the last 50 years. You’re like a child.”

Her eyes flash black at Jake’s teasing. Her defenses went up at any sign of embarrassment, but her head was swimming in brown liquor. She barely managed to sit up and stare meanly at him. With his eyes still closed, he didn’t even take notice. Though he heard her huff unhappily and it made him grin. 

“That why you need a friend? To show you the ropes of modern life?” He pushes himself up to lean on his hands. It was like he had seen inside her mind. “You kind of got sent back at a shit time. Sorry.” 

If she could still feel true shame, she might have blushed, but her body didn’t work like that anymore. Instead her eyes stayed black and her hair reddened. 

“Am I hitting a nerve?” Jake chuckles again, his cruel nature peeking out at her obvious discomfort, and his eyes flick yellow. “You’re lonely?” 

She huffs, feeling the liquor fueling a growing anger. Where was her blood-sucking dog when she needed him? Actually, she wasn’t sure if demon’s like Jake would bleed so maybe it was good Rori stuck to the shadows—i.e. gone to bed. 

“No.”

“You can’t lie to me, Sal.”

The name she gave to Josh sticks in Jake’s voice. It’s an accusation. He knew. How. 

“I’ve been lying longer than you’ve existed. I can see a liar coming from off in the harbor.” Jake continues, his jeering laugh makes her skin crawl. It’s like he’d slipped into a different part of himself. Different, but still clearly Jake. “You never asked about my speciality.” 

She had a feeling he’d tell her. Wherever he had gone to with his eyes stuck in their horrifying yellow form, he was in charge for the time being. 

“Tricksters, thieves and gluttons. Used to have lechery, but it got boring.” 

“I didn’t get to choose,” she mumbles. She had drawn her knees up to her chest again, feeling some semblance of anxiety.

Jake’s eyes flicked back to brown and his smirk turned to a frown. “You didn’t get to choose?”

“Do human-demons normally get to choose?”

“Humans don’t normally become demons,” Jake corrects. “But no matter, you’re supposed to choose.”

“I don’t know what else I would’ve chosen besides what I got, I guess. It’s just not something I’m actually passionate about.” She laughs at the irony. “I don’t want to sleep with just anybody anymore. I already did that. I just want to have a good time on my terms this time.”

He smirked with a little surprised laugh. “You’re sweet on my angel brother aren’t you? His pristine feathers got under your skin.” 

She was about to deny it when she remembered what had just happened when she’d lied to him. 

“I like a challenge. That doesn’t mean I’m only interested in him…But I need a bit of a game.”

Jake knew what she was saying. She knew it. Their almost drunken fight was forgotten. The subject matter moving along to something they had clearly been avoiding all night. Their desire. She liked the power Jake exuded, even if it scared her a little too. She wanted to see if she could get him, too.

Jake rolls his eyes and motions for her to come closer. “I bet you can’t get into my mind. Nothing you could show me could sway me into sleeping with you. How’s that for a challenge?” 

She smiled. “But don’t you want to sleep with me?” 

“Says who?” He spread his legs, his knees bowed out wide. He motioned for her to take a seat on top of him. “I could make myself look like Josh if you’d like. All I’ve got to change is the hair, our faces are the same. I know he’s been avoiding you.” 

He switches from ambivalent to cruel between sentences and she can’t find her footing. She swings her left leg over his body, settling into his lap. Her hands instinctively went to his chest as he stared up at her. He was a challenge in a different way to his angel brother. 

“Okay, lay the thoughts on me,” Jake puts a hand on her shoulder when she leans in, a knowing smirk on his lips. “And I know you don’t actually need to kiss me to transfer them. There just has to be some form of skin to skin contact.” 

She huffs in annoyance. “Spoil sport.” 

Jake laughs. “Go on, giddy up, girl.” 

She narrows her eyes at him, allowing them to slip to black as she raises her fingers to Jake’s temples. Her hands slink into his hair and take a rough grasp of his roots. He grunts in mild discomfort, but maintains his challenging stare, lowering his hands to her hips to keep her still. 

Her eyelids flicker like her eyes are rolling back in her head, but the spheres of inky black don’t change. Jake watches with tempered interest, seeing her process. 

Then his vision shifts, leaving his comfortable living room, it's cloudy, murky like a foggy night out on the ocean. It’s still familiar to him. Her figure appears through the mist, shifting with the fog. She steps closer to Jake and he now hears the lapping of the ocean and tastes the salt of the oceanair on his lips. She’d found a memory of one of his ships and made it the setting for this temptation. 

‘Your fantasies are all nautical themed,’ She speaks in his mind, her tone is curious. ‘Why’s that?’

‘Aren’t you supposed to be seducing me?’

‘Yeah, but I still have questions.’

Jake laughs inside his head and he hates the way he doesn’t hate her presence there and then he wonders if she can feel that feeling. This was new for him. 

The scene rocks melodically back and forth upon waves and a beautiful blue light descends on the room he begins to see. She’s a figure at the corner of it, leaning against a door, the entire room is cozy and she is surprised by the care that seems to exude from this recess of Jake’s mind. 

There’s a cool breeze, but overall the room is warm and Jake is sat leaning back upon the bed while he watches her approach. 

‘I don’t see anything.’ She murmurs. Jake feels a ripple in the vision, a strange dichotomy of the faux images she’s showing him and the plane of reality their physical bodies are existing on. She’s pressing harder into his real skin, in his living room, talking aloud. 

Jake says nothing. 

‘I know you have carnal desires, I can sense them,’ she continues. ‘Why are they so vague?’ 

In the vision, she has sat beside Jake now, staring at him. She looks a little different in the vision than how he has seen her physical body. Her hair is duller, her body weaker, she looks far more human to Jake. Still beautiful and sensual, but he wonders if maybe she cannot change the image of her soul in the ether as easily as she can on Earth. 

She is wearing a deep blue slip, the first time he’s seen her in a color other than black. He moves in the vision and her eyes widen, confused that he has autonomy in something she is meant to control. He brushes at her hair, allowing his hand to gently trail her face and neck.

‘I usually like to pleasure my partner. I like to give them what they want.’

She stares at him intently, feeling a shiver in her spine once more. Out of control.

‘Your big wide eyes, you’re like a helpless bug, even here. All confused why you’re not in control, showing me my deepest, darkest desires.’ 

She focuses harder on her task, searching through the wisps of memory in Jake’s mind. Like Josh, he had only allowed her into a small portion of his mind, but a small portion of an ancient creature was still cavernous. She flipped through the images in search of concrete memories rather than memories of desire. Memories of times when he had felt fulfilled, she saw him curled around beautiful women, sometimes strong and sometimes meek and she was surprised. He didn’t seem like the one to be soft in the bedroom, but she remembered his remark of giving what his partners wanted. 

‘You’re barely a demon. Still practically an angel.’ She mutters, feeling discomfort when watching the scenes of him with other people for some reason. 

‘I am not.’ His voice is warning. She doesn’t press. 

She kept digging, still unsure what to do to show him something that would tempt him. Images of him in bed alone surface after a while and she pushes harder, looking for the thoughts that had been in his head at that time. She looked for what he imagined when his hand was slipping around himself in the dark. The thoughts that made his breath quicken and his stomach shudder. Finally. 

She shifted the image, her figure below Jake and she feels a strange sort of deja vu. The Jake in the scene was over her and she was moaning the usual obscenities as his hair rocked around her. Jake’s actual consciousness was unimpressed. 

‘So sometimes I like it a little vanilla, so what? You’re still not convincing me to crave you, demoness.’

‘Your mind is strange. Hard to navigate, I guess.’

Vision Jake leans down to kiss her with a hum. ‘I like that.’ 

She shifts the scene, unhappy with him messing with her again. She shows them together in a few different positions and she feels herself pulling from the things she had shown Josh, hoping Jake couldn’t tell. She also shows Jake a scene of him between her thighs and she hears him groan, making her feel a little accomplished. 

The final scene, she had been holding onto in hopes that she would’ve flustered him enough before having to show it to him. It was risky, even for her. He was a strong demon and this could make him more upset than aroused. But if he hadn’t wanted her to access the idea, he should’ve been more careful. 

They’re in a beautiful room, draped in red and flooded with moonlight. She straddles Jake’s hips and she rocks back and forth on him. He hums as she runs her hands over every curve of his face, down his neck and across his shoulders. Then she speaks to him, her lips pressed against the curve of his ear, soft and insistent. 

‘You do not have to be good to be loved.’ She felt Jake push at her presence, but she continued, kissing at his sweaty skin. ‘You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.’ 

She kisses him deeply on the lips and vision Jake relents, giving in to her touch. Letting it consume him, he gets lost in the imagined moment, pulling her figure closer, wanting them to meld into one. In the vision, it’s almost as if they do, their souls twisting and touching in a way so foreign to the material world she was alight in a way she never had been before.

In his living room, she releases his head and her eyes flicker back to their regular color. Jake’s hands are strong, keeping her close as he blinks back to the physical plane. 

“How did you know to say that?” Jake breathes, feeling slightly off, but knowing he wanted Y/N here. “How did you see that?”

She feels the intensity of Jake’s question. “It was in a memory. You read the poem and then went to bed.” 

Jake nodded, still staring at her face but not quite her eyes, wanting her to continue. 

“I felt how happy you were that night when you came. The only thing different from other nights was that poem. Thought I’d give it a shot.” 

“Don’t ever speak of that to anyone. Do you understand me?” His fingers were burning at her sides. 

“I would never.” Her voice is sincere. She worries her lip, unsure if she should say what’s really on her mind. “I meant it.”

Jake looks up at her eyes for the first time since they had come out of the vision. “What?” 

She traces under his eyes gingerly with her thumbs, scared of him pushing her away. “I understand why you like the poem so much. I like it too. So, I meant it...You can tell me about your despair, and I will tell you mine.”

She pauses, watching Jake’s blank expression. 

“If you want. Challenge, everything, aside. I am a demon but I am also still a girl inside somewhere. Both exist within me and I don’t even like the demon stuff all that much. I’ve had 50 years to realize just how much I wish I’d done it all differently. Maybe I wouldn’t be seducing strangers as some sort of living dead eternal 27 year old. Maybe I could’ve been alive somewhere else right now, withering with a long line of family to love me as I died slowly.” 

“Oh fucking hell,” Jake sighs, releasing a hand to twirl a finger through her hair. .

“What?” 

“You’re fucking brilliant,” He shakes his hair out and then presses his lips against her just like he had in the vision. “You win,” He mumbles against her lips. 

She kisses him back, her arms snaking around his neck. “It wasn’t a gimmick. I’m serious.” 

“I know, and you win. Sincerity,” Jake moves his lips to kiss along her jaw. “Is extremely sexy, in a world where almost nothing is true. Fuck. You’re so soft.” 

She grinned up at the ceiling, befuddled but excited. 

“Do those people even know the gift they were getting when you went home with them?” His voice shakes with passion and desire. She’s certain this is not from her usual influence. Her powers hadn’t worked on Jake at all.

Jake was practically worshiping her because she was herself. Because she had found a real piece of him and shown it to him and connected with it. It felt better than any meaningless hookup she’d had before. Jake, the demon who had criticized her, was the gentlest lover she’d ever had. The sweetest soul she’d ever connected with. It felt so good to be seen.

-

To be continued….

let me know what you think

Taglist: @joshysgirl @ofthecaravel

[whumpshaped]

Another overly specific prompt: winged whumpee’s wings get preened for the first time when they fall into caretaker’s hands <3. Bonus points for concerned caretaker and for whumpee being nervous because preening is vulnerable. Yes this is self indulgent, no I’m not sorry. ~🐸

tw winged whumpee, past trauma, mention of broken bones

Whumpee stared at the floor in front of them in flustered silence. They were fidgeting with the little toy Caretaker had given them, specifically so they wouldn't have to focus on the feeling of a relative stranger touching the most vulnerable parts of their body.

It wasn't right. This was supposed to be done by their best friend. By their mate. Everything in their mind and body screamed at them to get away, but they forced themself to stay still and let the stranger help. They needed their wings taken care of after years of neglect.

"I know this isn't ideal. I'm sorry." Caretaker leaned forward, trying to sneak a peek at Whumpee's face. Whumpee instinctively tried to turn away and hide it. "But it's not super horrible, is it? I'm trying to be as gentle as I can."

"It's– It's fine."

Whumpee glanced at Caretaker, tensing up when they saw them frown. Was that not the right thing to say?

"Alright," they said anyway before getting back to work. "But really, tell me if it hurts. They're... not in good condition."

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's not your fault. I'm not mad at you. I'm just... worried. And sad. I wish someone helped you earlier."

"Oh."

Minutes passed in silence again, Caretaker focusing on the task at hand, and Whumpee counting the floorboards. They chastised themself for not being able to relax. If they could've put that horrible, nervous feeling aside, they might've been able to enjoy it even. It was so silly to be so scared of something so harmless. Something that was supposed to help them.

"They broke them," Whumpee blurted out.

"Sorry?"

Whumpee held their breath. They shouldn't talk about it. Not to yet another human. But the urge to explain their reactions was too great. "They t-told me they would help. I thought– I thought they were genuine. And then they broke my wings. Laughed at me. Called me naive."

Whumpee felt Caretaker's hands come to a stop, and then disappear from their wings entirely. "Whumpee... I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I... Do I remind you of them?"

They hesitated. "A little," they admitted eventually. "You said the same thing. It was scary. I wanted to run." They held up the fidget toy, then dropped their hand back in their lap again. "They didn't give me anything. They hurt me as soon as I got within arm's reach. So... I thought you might be different."

"I would never hurt you, Whumpee. Not intentionally. I really am trying to help you."

"I know," they said hastily. "I know. I, I understand. It's very kind of you. I'm... I'm just scared."

Caretaker didn't reply for a moment. "Oh, sorry. I was nodding back here. I forgot you couldn't– never mind. I forgot you couldn't see me." Whumpee smiled a little. "I, um, I get that. The anxiety." Another pause. "I hope it gets better."

It was Whumpee's turn to nod. They appreciated the sentiment, but they had a horrible feeling that it wasn't entirely dependent on them, or even Caretaker. It would get better, if they managed to avoid humans in the future.

Well, at least mean ones.

"Can I continue?" Caretaker asked gently.

"Um, y-yeah. Yeah."

"Okay." The hands returned, but this time, Whumpee felt like they could be more at ease. "Just tell me to stop at any time, and we'll take a break." Whumpee hummed in agreement.

Maybe it would be okay.

[good-beans]

HAI!! haii so so . Listen i was having milgram thoughts as one does and decided to bother you talk to you . Also because i want to lowkey hear your thoughts about this

So i was thinking maybe milgram has a cleaning system thing done by the prisoners?? Like cleaning duties and stuff and obviously i had some silly thoughts like fuuta getting paired with someone taller and not being able to reach a spot that's just bugging him, and they just tower over him and clean it. Also mahiru being extremely good at cleaning because she's always wanted to be the perfect shoujo heroine. And Kazui being good at it to try to make up to his wife for not being able to love her. Muu being a rich girl™ probably wouldn't be all that good at it and I'm not entirely sure about Haruka or Yuno. Shidou probably did help around the house when his family was still around, and being a doctor, probably wants the place to be sanitary, so he'd be good at it too. Anyways, then I thought about Amane.

Like obviously she values cleanliness or purity, but her house isn't exactly the best maintained right? Would that result in her being relatively lax about the cleaning? Or maybe since her guardian was someone who "strayed from the path" (i didn't really know how to put it) she wouldn't want to follow in their example? Making her want to keep the prisoner more clean? I didn't have enough time in school to think about it (sad) but even rn i cant really come to a proper conclusion. Keeping things sanitary was definitely not what she was raised with and if the cult was fine with her running around with her bruises unbandaged and living in her definitely not properly maintained house. But also not wanting to follow something that her guardian did would also definitely be something I'd expect from her…

AHH thank you sm for telling me!! >:3 It’s literally never a bother, I always want to talk Milgram adfsdfsdf I love this 👀 I expand a bit with my thoughts below but all of that is so perfect YES

Omg I love all those -- Mahiru, Shidou, and Kazui definitely seem like the very best cleaners! Mahiru genuinely enjoys it but also holds herself to high societal standards. Kazui probably doesn’t actively enjoy it, but he’d like the clean household and being a good spouse. Shidou seems like he’s just a very meticulously clean person in general -- he also wants to be a good husband but he’d be exactly the same even if he never married lol. 

I think Haruka and Muu would be pretty bad at it, just because they’re not used to the responsibilities. (Muu gives me very genuinely spoken “you missed a spot” vibes lmao. She’s trying to be helpful, but depending on who she says it to, it goes pretty poorly…) 

Fuuta, Yuno, Mikoto, and Kotoko strike me as the type to be varying levels of messy on their own but when they’re forced to clean they do a good job. Fuuta’s bad with leaving gross food/trash/laundry around. Yuno is sanitary, but her possessions get painfully cluttered. Mikoto and Kotoko fall in the middle of this spectrum. Kotoko seems like she’d honestly just forget about taking care of her living space, while the others make the conscious choice to let it go for a while. 

I’m dying over Fuuta not being tall enough to reach a certain spot ASFSDF that’s exactly what would happen 😂 Also I know none of his clothes are his prisoner color, but I’m picturing that classic laundry mishap where he ends up dying his uniform pink by washing it alongside something red… 

And Amane. Hm. I’m intrigued by her case, because I would have said without a doubt that she would be super clean and organized due to her teachings -- but then that mv shot (combined with the injury treatment you mentioned) clearly shows her mother doesn’t live that way. It’s definitely an option that she’s a hypocrite in many areas: punishing Amane for things when she herself has done worse, demanding Amane be perfectly clean when her house is a mess, etc. It could also be that she never asked for that, but the rest of the cult drilled the importance of purity into Amane -- and this contributes to the ways in which Amane notices her mother’s straying). 

Whether cleanliness was expected of her at that time or not, though, I think you’re right: she’d be disgusted with her mother’s lack of it, and this would fuel her to keep everything in Milgram in perfect order. Es may have been the one to originally set up the cleaning/chore rotation in t1, but once she starts speaking for the cult in t2, Amane is the one really enforcing everything. At first, this probably annoys the others (they don’t want to be bossed around by a scary 12yo). But the way she talks about perfection and punishments would likely cue them in on her past, making them act a bit gentler about the whole situation. Some of them try to get her to relax and not fear undue punishments if things aren’t clean, but she’d likely take it as an insult to her code rather than an offer of reassurance :( Still, I think given her physical/mental strain, some of the others would successfully convince her to let them help, and take a few of the tougher/grosser cleaning jobs off her hands.

[ghostbird-7]

Thoughts while I’m rewatching dead reckoning-roughly the first 2 hours

This movie is just so visually pleasing and engaging. I want to eat it. The shot from beneath the submarine looking up at the ice?? Fucking gorgeous.

I know logistically why they made the call but the Russian submersible crew speaking Russian accented English will always be funny to me. Also reminds me of the doctor who episode in 11’s run with the Russian submarine. It was Clara’s era. Anyway, they also do a great job of making us immediately empathize with the crew just based on their fear and confusion in the face of the enemy. It helps that that enemy is the same one the protagonist is facing, but it’s also just great acting on the crew’s part in a relatively short period. The existential horror of being trapped in a submarine of all things with a murderous ai is genuinely chilling.

I really love how old they let Ethan be in this movie. With most action franchises with an aging protagonist they refuse to alter the character, instead sticking to what’s been proven to work and MI has always done the opposite of that and it’s just so good. All his interactions with the new IMF agent just speak to his experience, and how many people he’s seen just like this guy, inexperienced and thrown in over their heads, not make it out. His fucking sadness after he welcomes the delivery guy to the IMF and he leaves is so good. TC your micro expressions will never not destroy me. Mildly controversial opinion but I didn’t think Grace and Ethan’s chemistry was in any way romantic or paternal, I think they’re going to be really great friends. Also “we live and die in the shadows for those we hold close and those we never meet” is both super corny and such a perfect representation of Ethan’s character it makes me screech.

I have complicated feelings about Ethan’s backstory retcon which I won’t go into but I do think they definitely made the right choice not doing the deaging thing for the flashback.

One of these days I’m going to write something exclusively about everything I love about Ilsa, but that day is not today. For now, even looking at pictures of her makes me a bit emotional. Rebecca Ferguson you have changed me, body and soul. Also that eyepatch being because she can’t wink is so funny. No ones doing it like her.

Ethan briefly gives his horse pats and I liked it. I feel like he’s a horse girl. In his heart. I like that none of the horses die in this sequence. I know it’s unrealistic but this is fucking mission impossible we’re talking about it’s not a docuseries and it would make me sad.

Ilsa’s costuming in this movie is so fucking good. The looseness and lightness of everything she wears really complements the economy of motion that Ferguson does so well.

Indira Varma win!!

In retrospect watching Ethan move so unimpeded into a meeting of some of the highest ranking us intelligence officers is such a great look at him as a character for newcomers to the franchise. He’s such a spy in this, it’s so good. It’s just a great standalone movie.

Kitttridge!!!! I hate this bitch, and I’m so glad he’s here.

In every interaction with kittridge ethan is such a bitch, I love him so much.

“It’s my job to use you. Just like it’s your job to be of use” is fucking heavy. The decades of being of use, and having the shit beaten out of him and his loved ones leaving or dying so he can serve, the absolute mindfuck of his loyalty to the IMF and to a greater extent to keeping the world safe and lack of regard for himself. I don’t have coherent words about this, but it’s great characterization and I’m so sad about it.

I love how much of an ensemble movie this is, by the way.

“The man himself is expendable” Briggs I am going to break your legs. He is my special guy.

I love how much this is a manifestation of Benji’s monologue in MI 3 about the Antigod. It was silly but he was not wrong.

Also Benji’s outfits and Luther’s hat… really good.

I cannot wait for them to tell us what the connection between Ethan and Briggs is because it’s SO weird

Benji and Luther’s relationship being given a chance to evolve is really good, it was a side of their team that had felt underdeveloped and it works really well here. Them not letting Ethan know gives us insight into some of the troubleshooting on missions that he just can’t cover because of his skillset and it’s really good. Also banter 👌👌

The return of his sleight of hand is gorgeous. “Putpocket” is horrible and super silly.

The entire scene where Benji is interrogated by the bomb is so good, Simon pegg is as always excellent, being forced to admit that he fears death, that he loves his friends more than anything else, all without any stakes, it’s just so clearly meant to humiliate and tear him into bits and it works and then he goes back on the job because all the things he said are true and now the machine Knows.

Pom is flawless in this movie. As a character, she’s delightfully unhinged. As someone who’s attracted to women, it’s. It’s nice for me. But also genuinely from a narrative standpoint it would be so easy for her to be extraneous but her presence is so strong it just carries. Her monster truck and combat boots and small ponytail compel me deeply.

Running scene running scene running scene running scene

I fucking love his little lawyer outfit.

That car chase scene is maybe my favorite in the series. You can see McQ and TC’s commitment to stunts as a carrier for narrative and character, it’s visually stunningly, it has Paris who I’m obsessed with, everything Ethan does is just impeccable and Grace plays the perfect foil. His deep discomfort with not being the one who’s driving, repeatedly reassuring her after the crash, his getaway driving skills, his little looks to Briggs (again what the fuck is up there), wanting to be the protector and being deeply embarrassed with the fiat. Not actually knowing how to drive it is such a great comedy moment and also blue screening when he can’t do it immediately. That 5 minutes of him just being so embarrassed and frustrated with himself. I want to eat it. It’s so good. And then of course he’s doing stunt driving in it and that’s also glorious. Grace going in circles in the fiat is so fucking funny. Also Ethan’s the worst fucking backseat driver it’s amazing. He is losing his mind. He is actually scrunching up in the seat, which he can do even in a fiat because he is tiny. It’s just quality television.

I knew they would do the train thing the second I saw the tracks and I just hate it. It’s really good objectively but I hate it every time.

Him having to just carry this wheel around for a solid 5 minutes-it’s his new rock. It’s his sadness object and he’s holding onto it forever.

Ethan’s fucking despair every time he sees his friends during a mission for the first time because he knows they might be hurt, the fact that that is consistently his first thought beyond relief or gratitude makes me insane.

Also the tacit acknowledgement that Ethan has just been working his way through the mitsopolis family is so fucking funny. It’s also fairly uncomfortable for Alanna because he seems substantially less into it than he was with max, but I digress.

I cannot wait for his hair to be longer, I think somewhere between MI 1 and 2 is the ideal length, but I hold a deep fear of the potential bowl cut.

The repeating pattern of all of Ethan’s friends withholding information from him is really interesting.

We all know Ethan’s whole shtick with you’ve gotta get out of here it’s dangerous I can’t protect you is a testament to how much he loves them but it’s also just..so much a trauma response. Every time he does it you can see him panicking and trying to change an eventuality he can feel creeping behind his shoulder.

The quiet moments between Ilsa and Ethan in Venice are really good. Their initial reveling in being able to wordlessly communicate and talking to each other in the context of work and danger has given way to this very comfortable worn in curiosity about each other, and a willingness to give of themselves to satisfy each others curiosity. It feels like they’ve sort of grown up a bit in their relationships with other people by having their relationship with each other and it’s just really cool.

Pom’s outfit with the mask at the party in Venice is so fucking good. I tend to try not to linger on attraction to female characters because it feels more creepy than it does with male characters, likely due to some of my internalized nonsense, but she really does feel so much for the queer gaze. She also has a sword. I’m just really into all of it.

Some of the things Vanessa Kirby said about learning about projecting power make so much sense watching her move, there’s this artificiality and stasis to her that feels innately threatening.

The loop back from Gabriel’s religious overtones and the themes of sin in the first mission impossible movie is fascinating.

I love it when he vaults over railings and down floors. The easiness of it, it’s just good to look at.

Getting closer to Ilsa’s death scene is complicated. I understand why it had to be someone, and why that someone should be her. I understand that Rebeca Ferguson was done with the character. I’m just sad because I like her, and I’ve managed to separate that feeling from a reflexive anger at the narrative choices that were made, which I admit I sometimes have an issue with. Him finding her body and just sitting and breathing and looking at her is fucking brutal. Also the entity using Benji’s voice to misdirect him is A Lot.

The brutality of that back alley fight scene is such a good establishing look at Paris’s fighting style and a great character moment for both of them. We get her first moment of fallibility and we see what he’s made of when his back is literally against the wall.

I know either rogue nation or ghost protocol is supposed to be Ethan’s fever dream nightmare scenario, but dead reckoning feels so much more like that to me. An enemy he can’t hit, who has a better chance of predicting his insanity, who uses an almost literal ghost from his past to kill the people he’s built himself around in the present. He also is forced to jump off a cliff and be a passenger in a car. It’s all not coming up Ethan in this movie is what I’m saying.

For the rest of the movie we don’t see a lot of his grief, mostly his anger. Don’t get me wrong, the bit we get is very good and did make me cry a bit, and I know how much they’re packing into one movie, but I hope we get more of it in the next film. Anything else seems like a bit of a disservice to Ilsa’s character.

It bothers me every time that Grace doesn’t have contacts when she’s playing the white widow. She sits almost directly opposite her brother, they make full eye contact a lot.

Ethan’s “your life will always matter more to me than my own.” And Grace’s “you don’t even know me” and Ethan’s “what difference does that make.” Hm. I am having complex feelings, consisting mostly of distress. Her looking at Benji and Luther, and them both acknowledging the weight of Ethan saying that and confirming it’s the same for them, AUGH.

What the fuck is going on with the cryogenic tube/coffin Gabriel was in on the train?? I know he was probably using the mask to communicate with the entity and he had to do that convertly but the whole thing is just weird.

I’m gonna pick this up when it’s not about to be a Monday. Tune in shortly for a continuation of me losing my mind over some action movies, I guess.

[demonsfate]

I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT JIN'S EMAIL TO HER IN TEK 4 LMAO orz I'm sorry. But yeah I agree with you. I also think he didn't tell her all the details likely for those reasons. But he told her enough to warn her and give her an idea of what kind of person Heihachi was. Which makes her attitude in Tekken 5 all the more confusing. I'm guessing Jin was so confused because he swore he had told her Heihachi was a pos, still does and yet here she is trying to go back in time lol. I think that's the game where things start to get worse with the writing. Granted Tekken has never had top writing but still. It actually makes me a bit sad because I was introduced to the games with 5 and I'm very fond of it (bc nostalgia but anyway)

A lot of shit happens in the Tekken series, and it makes it easier to forget it when the game's plagued with inconsistent writing. Hell, there are many things forgotten or straight up misconceptions within the fandom. (Many people still believe Kazuya made a deal with the devil to not die as a kid, but that only happened in the OVA) HELL, even I sometimes forget certain things, and I end up making headcanon posts that don't comply to canon just because I forgot about something. 😅

I looked it up for more info regarding the "email" Jin sent, according to some sources (such as the PAL version of the manual) Jin told her he suspected Heihachi was gonna have her assassinated...? Whiiich unsure if that's just a mistranslation from the PAL edition or not because I don't see why Heihachi would do that. He did it to Jin because Jin was no longer of use, he never cared about Jin, and Jin has the devil gene. But Xiao hasn't really done anything to warrant an assassination, unless Heihachi feared she'll uncover the truth regarding Jin's disappearance, and turn on him. But again, I'm unsure if this is true, or if the PAL version just added more because they thought "dangers" was too vague, or assumed that's what it meant when talking about the dangers. But who knows, we all also know how wonky the official translations of the series can be.

There's also a lot of issues with time travel. Such as, even if Xiao had succeeded, it'd be a possibility that Jin would've never been born. (After all, Jun only met Kaz due to his shady treatment of wildlife animals). But I won't delve too much into this just because it's just a silly story that means little. I don't even know how canon it is, considering that Xiao's ending in general isn't canon I don't think. Time travel, I'm pretty sure, is still not something that can canonically be done in the lore LOL.

Oh, Tekken 5 may be my favorite Tek game. (It's in the top three along with Tek3 and Tag 2) But I also very much enjoy Tekken 6 and we all know how I feel regarding its story. Basically, Tekken games can be very fun but not have the story that matches their quality of gameplay LOL. And I belieeeeve I wrote here very recently that 5 was the start of the atrocious writing. Although Jin was still relatively in character in 5, it did set up his villain arc with the ending. Xiao was flanderized to hell as we've discussed. Characters that didn't have joke endings before now have them (see Heihachi and Lei, probs more that I'm not thinking about rn) which set up the premise of not taking most of the cast seriously. (Tek7 DEFINITELY had an issue with most endings being pointless and comedic) So yeah, whilst Tek5 wasn't as bad as Tek6 in terms of story, it was suffering symptoms of it. Like a pre-illness or something LOL.

Tek3 was actually the first I was introduced to. My brothers CLAIMED we played Tek5 as kids because we rented it before when it was new...? But oddly I have like ZERO memories of it. I only remember playing Tek3, Tag 1, and Tek4. Which I played Tek4 very little because as a kid, I saw the limited amount of characters and thought "why would I play this when I can play Tag 1 with LOTS of characters...?" xD

[ecto42]

TL;DR- Try TTRPGs, roleplay forums, and more! Before you go to an addictive AI with no outside input.

Hi Tumblr, I have this video specifically referring to the AI chatbot story and it made me want to share some experiences of mine that feel similar, but were with real human people.

I spent years doing online text only roleplay as a teen, and now as an adult I regularly play D&D with friends as well as with other RPGs like Cyberpunk, etc.

So, when I was a teen I spent hours of every day in middle school doing Harry Potter role plays on Omegle. It was hella awkward, hella cringe, and ultimately I stopped because I saw how the space was devolving. Initially I made a ton of other friends from other countries and other states in the US that had similar interests to mine. I loved playing characters that were “dark and edgy” as I, much like the characters from My Immortal, wanted to be dark and edgy in a cool way and not in a “I am a goth from South Park being made fun of,” way.

This eventually led to me doing what I would call roleplay therapy, where to test the waters with people you take an aspect of yourself and play with as many iterations of it as you can. I found myself in NSFW roleplay, general like “Oh hoho we’re wizards in a castle!” Roleplay, and “This is the darkest timeline, Harry Potter is dead and gone and now we’re doing a guerilla warfare.” I loved it and remember it fondly and this was way before D&D.

I, as you can imagine, had no idea what consent really meant, I had no boundaries kept when playing these characters, and I really formed a dependency on literally exploring other characters to figure myself out. By the end of it I was staying up until 3 am every night essentially sexting strangers over the internet with nothing but an ASL to go off of, and the anonymity of the internet to keep either of us from knowing who each other were. Relative to what a lot of my AFAB friends received this was incredibly tame. It was, however, an addiction in the anonymity of Omegle, the chat histories rarely being backed up, and the ability to just bail at any time. There was no real accountability, only the consent of “Hey, do you want to do a dirty roleplay?” And taking people at their word and usually that mean hanging up and trying again, and if things went too far or got too uncomfortable hanging up anyways. Kind of like an unspoken BDSM safe word.

I saw this video and the section about this woman talking to an AI chatbot and it honestly made me both miss that addictive roleplay arena, as well as made me really crave that kind of anonymous intimacy in a (what at the time developed into a) respectful consensual manner where anyone can nope out at any time. I think usually when people can’t get exactly what they want they go to writing for themselves. I really hope that somewhere out there other people who just want that basic form of connection with some anonymous protection will do something more akin to what I’ve done as an adult, and seek out similarly minded friends who love and support them and build up and build out communities, and allow there to be a silly fantasy element to them. The person in the story very easily, back in the day, could have went onto Omegle and asked as their opener “I’m looking for someone to roleplay Arthur Morgan from RDR2 with me, are you down?” And found someone, and it’s kind of sad to me that it’s easier to find an AI chatbot nowadays than it is to find a friend with that interest.

Having feedback from another person and having it be earnest and unbiased is very helpful, but people shouldn’t be your therapist if they’re your friends. Seek help if you need it, and don’t be afraid to reach out to community at large. I understand though how easy it is to fall in love with Luna Lovegood, Corvo Attano, or my old OC, at least as best as I can remember:

Eli Black (20, Ravenclaw, M, Thick Dark Wavy Black Hair with a blue streak in the front, Bright Blue Eyes, Thin muscular build, 6’0”. One of Eli’s eyes {if I remember correctly this was very inconsistent on my part lol} had been slashed through as a child and healed with dragon blood and caused it to sprout scales where the scar is, also leaving their eye with a sharp and draconic look. Typically wears: Hooded black trench coat, black tee shirt, black skinny jeans with a studded belt, and wears a big pair of large black combat boots with blue laces, dark eyeliner, blue and black nail polish.) ~and then there would usually be some spheal here about how Eli was an auror and a really great Ravenclaw student, and basically a detective. I used to watch a lot of Psych.~

Thanks if you bothered reading all the way through!

[keefwho]

November 01 - 2022

8:17 AM

No one likes to work, me included. And I don’t even have much to do relatively speaking. But it still sucks ass and I’m still trying to find a way of doing/thinking about it so I’m a little less miserable. Most of the time it comes down to knowing how awesome I’ll feel if I buckle down and get it done early so I have the rest of the day to goof off, but I still know I’ll have to do it all again tomorrow. And the next day. But part of bearing it is accepting it is ceaseless, its just how it is. 

11:37 AM

My tummy has been unhappy for most of the morning but I’m not letting it bother me. It’s just annoying that it can happen so suddenly so often. I can’t wait for it to get better though. It happens enough that using it as an excuse for a break will mean I never get anything done. And I can’t hope for a natural break like a weekend all the time. I just have to deal with it. 

2:14 PM

I did my time for today but I’m VERY stressed because I want to do good on this current commission and I’ve put a lot of time into trying to get it right. But I just cant get it to a good place. HOW MUCH TIME Is it gonna take me? Will I be able to get it done in a reasonable time at all? It’s difficult sometimes to meet my personal quotas and put out things I can be proud of. The only way to fix that would be to get better at being fast or charge more and I feel like I charge enough already. I’m gonna do my best to stop thinking about it right now and save it for tomorrow. It’ll be better to look at it with fresh eyes later anyways.

I WANT TO CRYYYY I can’t figure this shit out, it’s killing me  Im so fucked

4:34 PM

Once again I am in despair about my anxiety/phobia. 

I SHOULD be happy about getting groceries but I’m always just scared of them. Even the freezer food these days. Mainly the stuff in the fridge. Its hard to figure out what to do about all this. I’m afraid of basically all food to some degree. Eating is almost never enjoyable because I do it with caution. Thats why I struggle to eat enough. Its silly because I’ve never once gotten food poisoning in my life and I used to have the same food standards as my parents. 

All I know to do is practice a little exposure and eat things I’m afraid of anyways, even if its just in small amounts. Pretending can help too, like pretending that everything is fine because it literally is. Its just fact that food isn’t as unsafe as I feel it is and I also have very high safety standards with everything I get. The reality is NOTHING I currently have should make me sick. Somewhere inside me I believe that something in my fridge/freezer/panty MUST be tainted. But none of it should be. 

Maybe it’ll be good to write down every time I challenge myself and track that. I could have a 1-10 rating score on how challenging it was. I can probably do that with my calender but I don’t like cluttering it. 

I know I must come off as fucking crazy but I’m trying my hardest to stop being this way. I would talk to a therapist again if I had the money but I need to get my work life sorted out more. I feel like it’s been in shambles for awhile. I used to be proud of how much I did and I always pulled in more money than I meant to but now I’m finding it hard to keep up. 

4:58 PM

I think what I need is some coordination when it comes to how I’m trying to tackle my mental issues. I’m still kinda just winging it but some direction would be useful. Like implementation of a challenge system so I can record them and set goals. And maybe things I do daily like a recap of the days events followed my reading over the previous day’s entries. I’ve been meaning to re-read everything but I’ve been slacking. 

5:21 PM

I was down for a little bit there but I’m picking myself back up. It feels wrong though, like I’m supposed to be miserable. But I should accept I deserve happiness. I also have the strong need to be consistent so I feel like being happy is a waste if I’m just going to be sad again so I should expect to stay sad. But I know that’s dumb. Everything is up and down. I should enjoy the ups. I’m currently feeling confident that I can make changes in my life and become who I want to be. Sometimes I slip up but I can always get myself back on track and do good things. I’m giving myself a little bit of deserved relaxation. REAL relaxation. I worked hard today so I deserve it. 

Recap

This morning I woke up feeling like it was another weekend day because I do that every Sunday. I was very confident, I made myself a short list on sticky notes of things I’d get done in order as quickly as I could. I really didn’t want to waste time today like I usually do. I was moderately successful. My tummy kinda hurt and that was my biggest problem but I pulled through enough to be proud of myself. My ultimate goal was to get everything done before my dad brought my groceries at around 2:30 and I achieved that. I also decided to actually draw for 2 hours instead of just setting a 2 hour timer for it. If I go by timer alone, I end up not drawing for 15-30 minutes of that time because of bathroom breaks or sidetracking and I still tote myself as having drawn that whole time. Instead I went purely by my time tracker so I made sure to get that time in. I also put a stopwatch on the side and it took me 2.5 hours to do 2 hours of work. LOTS of distractions. 

The afternoon was spent worrying a little bit before calming down and taking some much needed me time. I relaxed with BOTW and then Hyrule Warriors and Medievil while in call with my besties. Then I had some VRchat time with them and got off for dinner. 

[ashasmonsters]

The Thru-Hiker

Female reader x Male mothperson (Desmond)

Citrus rating: Lemon

Content: Full-on smut, references to unhappy breakups

Words: 5.1k

Note: Here's the story that earns me the "18+" in my description. This is my first time making anything this smutty public, so any feedback or criticism would be appreciated. Enjoy!

You raised the viewfinder to your eye. The rolling hills fit within the frame-lines neatly, the trail before you leading straight down the middle and towards the horizon. With a satisfying click the shutter fired. You lowered the camera and cranked the film advance lever, confident that shot would turn out well. You let the camera dangle from your shoulder once again as you looked around: this spot was close enough to the main trail that you wouldn't need any "breadcrumbs" to lead you back to it in the morning. The sun would finish setting in an hour or so, and bird chirps had given way to trilling crickets and cicadas. It was warm enough that you didn't need to build a fire. Your stove would do just fine.

"That's a nice camera."

You turned towards the voice. Standing behind you, closer to the main trail and obscured slightly by foliage, loomed a lanky mothman. He wore clothes appropriate for hiking the Appalachian trail, though you hadn't seen him around. This meant he was quick or hiking the opposite direction as you.

"Thanks." You answered. He pushed a few low-hanging twigs out of the way and took a step towards you.

"Is that a..." he paused, his brow furrowing above his red compound eyes as he searched for a word, "Yashica, right?"

"Mamiya, actually." You answered, hefting the brick-shaped camera from your hip where it dangled. "It's been a pain to hike with, but I love it all the same."

"I'm sure you've got some excellent shots in that thing. I'm Desmond." He closed the remaining distance and tenderly extended a chitinous claw. You shook it in turn and returned his greeting.

"I don't believe I've seen you on the trail, Desmond," you said, "are you using those wings or hiking southbound?"

"Oh, I'm hiking southbound. Flying would defeat the purpose, wouldn't it?"

"I guess that is a silly question." You lowered your eyes and made eye contact with his hiking boots. "I'm heading northbound."

"Hm. You must have started the trail pretty recently."

"That's right. I started maybe three weeks ago. You must be pretty close to finishing if you're going southbound."

"Been on the trail for five months." He answered.

"Wow." You breathed. Maybe mothmen wore it better, but he certainly looked neat for having lived in the wilderness for almost half a year. You caught yourself staring. "Um, got any tips for a relatively fresh hiker like me?"

"Take your time and enjoy yourself." He said, looking down at you. "The trail is going to take the better part of a year from you no matter what, so there's no point in rushing it."

"Thanks for the advice." A pause. You saw your reflection in his ruby eyes. "Anyway... I don't want to keep you from the trail, being nocturnal and all." You failed to suppress a tinge of longing in your voice. The sun started to kiss the horizon, making the canopy above you look like it was on fire.

"Well, actually..." Desmond rested a claw on the back of his neck fluff, "I was going to ask if you would share this spot with me. It's going to be a full moon and I planned to take a rest to enjoy it."

"Oh," you said, glad the sunset was masking your blush, "that should be fine, then."

"I don't want to impose, I could always find my own—"

"No, really, it's fine." You said, gesturing around the sizeable clearing. "We're sharing a view, not a cot. I don't mind."

"Ah, right." He played with his neck fluff again. "Well then, let's not waste the daylight." You nodded and slid your pack off.

Your sleeping arrangements for the trail had been spartan, but still comfortable. You carried a thin foam pad which rolled up nicely and fit under your sleeping bag, a tarp with hooks for hanging from above, a camp stove, and a sack to keep your food strung up a branch and away from animals.

All of this was set up fairly quickly since Desmond was helping you. He was quite tall, which made stringing up the extra food much easier than when you had done it alone. In no time, your foam pad was safely encircled by your hanging tarp and your stove was boiling a pot of water. Tonight's dinner was an Appalachian Trail classic: dehydrated cheesy rice. You took the initiative to invoke full-on luxury by adding a handful of equally dehydrated broccoli florets. You had a guest to entertain, after all.

"Thanks for making me breakfast. Dinner, in your case." Desmond said. The dim blue light from the camp stove caught only the very edges of his chitinous frame. His red eyes shone bright like a cat's through the steam from the culinary masterpiece cooking between you two.

"Consider it my treat." You smiled back. There was a pause, so you pulled a topic from the air. "Are you a photographer too? Not many people can tell apart the brands of these old things." You patted your Mamiya camera as if it were a tiny metal lapdog.

"Ah, no," He said, almost defensively, "if you have compound eyes like me, you can't really look through viewfinders. It just doesn't work."

"Right, sorry." You rubbed the back of your neck. "Where does your camera knowledge come from, then?"

"Well... you know the old mothpeople stereotype about how we like light?"

"Um." You spoke carefully. "I have heard of it."

"I kinda live up to that stereotype. Like, very much. It's why I wanted to stop here to watch the full moon."

"Okay, but how does that tie into cameras?"

"It's kind of embarrassing." He fidgeted with his long white neck fuzz. "It's the flash. When it goes off, it's like... like..."

"Like a drug?" You finished for him.

"No! Not like that. It's not addictive... I don't think. It's more like... what's that thing humans do with their nails and their skin?"

"Like scratching an itch?"

"Yes! Exactly." He said excitedly. "I don't itch, but if I did, I imagined it would feel like when a camera flash goes off."

You chuckled even though you knew he was a little embarrassed. This whole situation was just too absurd, too odd.

"So you're like a connoisseur of camera flashes." A pause. He lowered his gaze.

"Mamiyas have the best one." You chuckled again.

"Well, then." You pulled your camera from your bag and held it before you. "May I take your portrait?"

"If it's no trouble," his antennae perked up, "yes please."

Wrestling the camera into shooting position, you flipped the viewfinder open and aimed it squarely at him. The scene fit perfectly within the frame-lines; the glowing blue stove flames in the foreground and Desmond's red eyes neatly in the middle.

"Looks good to me." You said, pressing the flash release. The flash, a piece of metal the size of your thumb, sprung out of the camera and whined as the battery charged it.

"Oh, wow." He noted. You pressed the shutter—

"Goddamn!" Desmond cried, shuddering. Briefly, a low chirr seemed to emanate from him. "Pardon my French. That was good."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. Most people hate when I ask to take their portrait." You cranked the film advance lever and smiled. You returned your camera to its place in your bag, then... remembered there was a meal on the stove. "Crap, I hope the bottom isn't burning." You said, quickly grabbing the stirring spoon and scraping the bottom of the pot. You continued until you were sure the food was in good shape.

"You know, when I thought about making this trek, I was worried about getting lonely. Like I wouldn't be able to put up with just myself for so long... but I've already met so many people and they've all been kind." You continued stirring the meal.

"Then what made you consider it in the first place?" Desmond asked, cocking an antenna.

"Oh... you know... adventure." You lied. The resulting pause made you painfully aware of how bad of a liar you are. The cheesy rice bubbled and spat steam at you as if heckling your poor performance.

"I'd believe that if you had a fedora and a whip. And knew where the holy grail was." He chuckled, his mandibles clicking.

"What?"

"Ah, just a stupid joke. There's these old movies..." He cut himself off and extended an empty claw, taking the spoon from you and making it his turn to stir. "I don't want to tell you your business, but everybody I've met in the past five months comes to the trail to run from something."

"Well... you're right that it's definitely my business." You tried not to scowl. The turn in conversation had resurrected an unpleasant feeling in your heart; something in the same neighborhood as shame or sadness.

"Not if what you're running from is the law and you're a serial killer or something. Then that's definitely my business." He clicked once more. His attempt to lighten the conversation didn't help that feeling much. The cheesy rice heckled him this time.

"I'm not a serial killer, I promise." You started, drawing in a sharp breath. Perhaps you just needed to vent. Maybe that would ease this malaise. "Why don't you start? Tell me what you're running from first, then I'll tell you about me." You took the stirring spoon back from him. He ran a claw down his face.

"I'm running from a breakup. We dated for three years." He sighed.

"I'm... sorry." You said, unsure of what else to say.

"Don't apologize; not unless you're the girl she ran off with." His mandibles clicked weakly. "I'm kidding. She didn't run off or anything. She didn't even cheat. She just realized that men weren't for her."

You raised an eyebrow. "Three whole years?"

"It didn't take her that long to realize it, just that long to work up the courage to tell me. Maybe I wasn't her true love, but she cared about me a lot. She was so scared of hurting me that she bottled it up for most of that time."

"You didn't want to remain friends?"

"I did— and I still do. I... I just said three things: 'I need some time to process this,' 'I'm in a lot of pain but it's not your fault,' and 'I'm going hiking for six months, call me back when I'm done.' That's all I could think of in the moment, and now I'm here."

"That's rough."

"You're telling me." His shoulders dropped. "I'm used to breakups with jerks. That I can make peace with, because then it's like a problem that solves itself. Jerk breaks up with you, therefore no more jerk to deal with. But... when it's someone that you love, that you want the best for, and that means they have to move on... that's something I'm still trying to work out." He sighed hard and lowered his crimson eyes. "I think the rice is done."

You were so caught up in his pained explanation that you lost track of time. You quickly turned off the camp stove and set the pot on the ground.

"Thanks for reminding me." You grabbed your enamel bowl as he readied his and started dishing out the rice and broccoli. You both sat there in silence, enjoying the feeling of hot food in hand. "Anyway, I guess it's my turn to share."

"Please. I wouldn't want to dump my problems on you without hearing out yours."

"I had a breakup too, though honestly I think mine wasn't as rough as yours." You said.

"We all go through different things. It's not a contest." Desmond said, idly poking his steaming meal. "Tell me about it, if you want."

So you did. Over the course of the meal, you told Desmond all about your past relationship: the fights you had with your ex, the nights spent in separate sleeping arrangements, the endless worry over how much of it was your fault. He nodded sympathetically with each painful memory you unraveled to him. Remembering it all made you feel worse, but having him listen made it feel much better. When you had no more to say, he stared at you. You saw yourself reflected in his eyes. Your spoon was trembling.

"It's okay to cry. I won't mind." Was all Desmond said before you had to set down your food and hold your face in your hands. It's like you had been saving up a surplus of tears throughout all these events and just barely they were escaping you. You could hear Desmond awkwardly scoot over in the dirt to your side before he offered a rigid shoulder to you.

"Chitin isn't exactly memory foam, but..." You rested your head on him without a second thought. One of his claws found its way to your shoulder and you felt better for it. This was the first time you had mentioned your breakup out loud and unquestionably the first time anyone had offered you a shoulder to cry on, literally or figuratively.  You quickly came to find even Desmond's exoskeleton quite comfortable.

"Thanks for listening." You said as your sobs started to slow. He plainly chirred in response, making his grip on your shoulder a little tighter. His embrace was the first one you had felt since the breakup. You felt warm and safe in a way you had previously only had with your ex long ago. His neck fluff tickled you as he leaned his head onto yours.

"It's okay." You could feel his mandibles nudge your cheek as he spoke. "I know how hard it is." Your composure returned, and you stilled yourself against him. You finally removed your hands from your face, your eyes bloodshot.

"I'm glad I'm not wearing makeup." You chuckled weakly. "Otherwise my cheeks would look like a barcode right now."

"That's the spirit. Enjoy the little things." He rubbed your shoulder. "That's what the trail is all about."

You found yourself naturally holding Desmond closer, burying yourself in his neck fluff and wrapping an arm around his side as he held you. He smelled like pine and smoke. You grabbed your bowl of food once more and resumed eating, not leaving Desmond's side.

"I'm sorry for smearing my tears all over you." You said, coming back to reality. The taste of rehydrated cheesy rice wasn't great, but it was warm and familiar. Combined with Desmond's arm wrapped around you, the pain and baggage from the breakup left you like grime after a shower.

"It's alright." He said. "If moths could cry, I'd be crying all over you too. We're in the same shitty breakup boat."

He and you sat there together, finishing the meal. The camp stove had been turned off for a while now, and the only warmth you felt was your own, reflected off his chitin. The pause was permeated by lesser insects chirping and wind gently rustling the branches above. As you finished your food, you became painfully aware that Desmond couldn't hold you forever. He'd have to get in his sleeping bag eventually, and in the morning, continue his hike to nowhere other than your distant memories. Or, maybe...

"Want to share my sleeping bag with me?" The words left your mouth before you could even react. A second later, you realized what you had said and your heart raced. Your face found itself hidden in your hands again.

Why the fuck would you say that? Are you crazy? How would you feel if he randomly propositioned you for sex, huh? To which your responded to yourself with, Screw it, I'd be down for that.

Oh well. The fact he'd leave forever in the morning was both a blessing and a curse... but for now, mostly a blessing. It didn't matter if you were "rebounding" or doing something impulsive. Whatever happened tonight would stay in tonight. You and him would go your separate ways and there wouldn't be any regrets to be had. You practically held your breath as he processed what you said; the pause felt infinitely long.

"I'd love to." He broke the silence, his mandibles clicking more than usual. "Unless you're having second thoughts."

You looked up at him and shook your head. Wordlessly, he took your hand stood up with you. You led him to your dangling tarp wherein your sleeping bag and foam pad rested. Luxurious it was not, but as you slapped aside the flap and pulled Desmond in behind you, little else other than him was on your mind. You sat down on your "bed" and turned round, looking at him. His saucer-sized red eyes glowed as they met your gaze. He stepped closer.

"You're sure?" He said, kneeling before you. "I don't want to—"

You leaned forward and grabbed his head, clumsily planting a kiss where his mouth would be if he was human. It seemed to do the trick; he gasped and relaxed, his mandibles caressing your cheeks. You pulled back to breathe.

"I'm not asking you to marry me." You planted another kiss on him, tugging on his neck fluff. "I'm asking you to keep me company tonight."

"If you insist." He clicked. Something in his tone changed. For the first time his voice had timbre and need. He had left his tone suited for polite conversation and jokes outside your tarp. Here on your twin-sized foam pad, all pretenses were gone. You both knew you were going to give yourselves to each other; yet he surprised you by tugging the neck of your shirt down and scattering little kisses from your chin to your collarbone with his proboscis. It was rough and leathery and frankly didn't feel like anything you had touched before. You shuddered when he took it with him, descending past your breasts and peeling your shirt off your belly.

"Desmond..." You sighed, the only thing keeping this encounter casual being the button on your jeans.

"Everything alright so far?" He looked up at you with his large eyes, his mandibles brushing against your thigh as he spoke.

"Excellent." You breathed, resting a hand on the back of his neck fluff. "Please..." You used the same hand to ever-so-gently nudge him closer to your midst, which was already roiling with burning need. With a single claw, he carefully undid the button and zipper. You shimmied out of your jeans until his neck fluff  tickled the inside of your exposed thighs; your underwear soon followed. He clicked some more as you fully exposed your entrance to him, his eyes studying you and his claws gently finding their way to each of your legs.

"Forgive me, it's been a while." He said as he lowered his face into you. You reclined further, only gazing upwards to the tarp and a tiny patch of starry sky.

"Don't talk, just— Ah!" He pulled a gasp from you as he began his ministrations. With your head resting on the foam pad, you just closed your eyes and let the sensations fill you. Something of his, you weren't quite sure what, playfully danced around the edges of your entrance until it found its mark. It gently flicked across that tender nub and your hips bucked in response. You held his neck plumage tighter, desperately tugging him closer to you.

"Keep going, that's— oh, that's perfect..." He didn't resist your pull. If anything, as his fuzz tickled you and his mandibles started to prod at your folds he increased his fervor. Relentlessly he played across all parts of you at once. Hard chitinous mandibles spread you open while his proboscis felt like it was everywhere. It rubbed your bead with every advance it made into you, filling you with a tingling warmth that spread throughout your whole body. He didn't let up at all, your breath hitching and leaving you as moans. You rocked your hips and whined. Harder and harder, rhythmically to a rapidly increasing tempo. You gripped him tighter, burying his face into you. Ecstasy built within your core with each surge of his "tongue" until you could hold on no longer.

"Oh, oh!" You cried, your body seizing and legs locking around his shoulders. Pleasure crackled around your whole body and there, in the dark with Desmond wordlessly working you, you weren't sure how much time you spent at the peak. Slowly, the sparks behind your eyes stopped flying. Your breath resumed its normal rhythm. Lifting your head off your sleeping bag, you made eye contact with his glowing red orbs, the only source of light under your tarp.

"How did I do?" He chittered, his grin smug enough for you to sense even in the darkness.

"You were fantastic." You indulged him, running your hand through his fuzz as he crawled over top of you. He pressed his forehead to yours.

"I didn't tire you out, did I?" He asked before descending upon you and kissing you lightly. With the gap between you two closed, you felt something tumescent and twitching under his shorts brush against you.

"I suppose I can stay up some more." You giggled as his fuzz tickled your collarbone. "I'll just sleep in."

"Glad to hear it." Desmond rasped. His voice grew ragged as he nipped at your neck, cradling your chin in one claw and using the other to undo his shorts. In the darkness, you could only feel something slick, smooth, and long come to rest on your belly. You squeezed your thighs around it. Desmond immediately chirred louder than before, sounding like a baritone version of the insects outside. His deep timbre resonated inside you.

"Excited?" You teased, his length completely at your mercy as you held it between your legs.

"I've forgotten how warm humans feel." He rumbled.

"Can I jog your memory?"

"Please."

You released him from your thighs and reached down with a hand. You felt the entirety of his length in your grasp; it was delightfully slick and uniform with pleasant little ridges to encounter as your hand traveled towards his base. You grasped it gently, eliciting more bassy chitters from him as you angled it towards your entrance. You fumbled a bit in the darkness, but after a few tries his tip rested at your threshold. His eyes met yours.

"Ready?" He clicked.

"Go ahead." You gripped his shoulders and pulled him close, nestling your face in his fluff as he started entering you. His hips slowly began to close the distance, each ridge on his length pushing a squeak out of you. His pace was deliciously slow. You had just enough time to adjust but not to catch your breath. All you could do was hold him tight in the darkness, nothing but the sensation and his chirring to occupy your mind. It felt like an eternity of slowly being filled by him. Eventually, cool chitin met your wet bundle of nerves, sending electric pleasure up your spine and forcing a gasp out of you.

"That's all of it." He grunted, his body completely flush with yours. "Do you feel alright?"

"Give me a moment." you said, exhaling sharply. The sensation of fullness with him hilted completely within you took your breath away. Little moans escaped you as his shaft quivered inside your depths. Embracing him, you found a steady breathing rhythm once more. "Okay, you can move."

With only chitters in response, he buried his head in the nape of your neck, his mandibles poking and prodding as he peppered you with kisses. His hardness withdrew just as slowly as when he entered you, then returned with a steady tempo. Each time his hips rocked you moaned into his fuzz. You imagined if you and Desmond had met at a different time or a different place, you'd be voicing your pleasures into a pillow. Since he had started his rhythmic thrusts, Desmond held a low, purring chirr that surged each time his pelvis met yours.

He chittered something specific, completely forgoing English as he picked up speed. He released your shoulders from his grasp. Changing position, he now kneeled upright with his knees on either side of your rear and his claws firmly gripping your thighs. The new leverage and angle made you squeal. He pumped in earnest now, both the speed and impact making you moan with nothing to stifle your voice.

"Desmond!" You cried, one hand splayed above your head and the other reaching down to hold your sensitive bead, "Keep going!" His pace remained constant. The low chirr grew into a growl. He pounded over and over, his hips slamming into your ass. As if it took considerable effort, he wrestled his chitters back into grunting speech you could understand.

"Close," he said sharply, "getting close!" You decided against speaking, instead locking your ankles behind him and rubbing your nub feverishly to meet him at the brink. His pace quickened even more. His claws squeezed your thighs as he desperately held onto you— into you, his thrusts remaining deeper inside you as they mounted in strength. His chirring returned, ascending in volume and pitch into a strangled, desperate call. His gaze snapped skyward and his back arched and he desperately pulled at your entire body in an effort to seat himself as deep within you as he could. You cried out in time with him. Your voice reached its limits. You rubbed yourself with abandon as you felt his cock fire within you with great trembling pulses. The pleasure within you mounted, growing until it erupted with a crackling warmth that left you quivering and crying out. He held himself as deep as he could go, grinding his hips into yours. Hissing, he lowered himself upon you once more and kissed you hard. You wailed into his mandibles as you rode out your peak. His hard chitin ground into your nub and held you at your limit before his rolling hips finally relented. Still, but remaining deep within you, he broke away from the kiss. You caught your breath as your eyes locked.

"Goodness..." You panted. Your face burned. Streaks of cool wetness rolled from your eyes down your cheeks. Desmond's chirring slowed into nothingness. The only sounds left were your breathing and nature outside.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his usual tone returning slowly.

"I'm great, Desmond," You smiled, "but you managed to tire me out this time." He clicked, then slowly withdrew his softening length from your sensitive core. You felt something ooze out of you, but were too exhausted to do anything about it.

"Sleep, please." He said, stroking your hair with a claw. "I'll be right here. Don't worry about anything else."

When morning arrived, the hole in the roof of your tarp acted as a skylight. You had awoken fortuitously just before the golden beam would have shone burning rays straight into your eyes. You definitely slept in, but found yourself fully clothed. You expected to feel something regretfully sticky and wet in your underwear, but you were completely clean. For a moment, you considered that last night might have been a dream. That line of thought was cut short by the sound of boiling water and the smell of coffee creeping into your tarp.

You emerged to find Desmond sitting in front of a small fire, emptying granules of instant coffee into a pot.

"Coffee?" He offered. "It'll be done in a bit."

"Thank you, Desmond." You sat in the same spot as you did last night over dinner. The silence that followed was comfortable and warm, unlike last night's awkward pauses. You watched him shake the pot with a claw as the sun warmed you. "I guess I should also thank you for, um, cleaning me up. I kinda passed out on you there. Sorry."

"No, no. It's fine. I'm nocturnal, remember?" He looked up at you and grinned. "It felt good to take care of a sleeping human again. It reminded me of old times." His grin softened into a gentle smile. The instant coffee had fully dissolved and he pulled the pot from the fire. He filled, then offered you an enamel mug which you accepted. The aroma was cheap and comforting.

"I'm going to miss you." You held the mug tightly. You didn't meet his eyes as you spoke, instead staring into the coffee as if it would tell you what to do.

"Me too." Desmond responded.

"Could we... could you..." You searched for the best way to ask. "Would you want to be with me?" Desmond released a slow chitter. He shook his head, and his soft smile shifted further into a shallow frown.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. "I wouldn't feel comfortable whisking you away three weeks after your breakup. Hell, I'm five months out from my own and I'm still not sure about where I am emotionally." You nodded in response. The coffee in your hands cooled in the resulting silence.

"I guess this is where we part ways, then." You sighed.

"Maybe..." He finally met your gaze. "You're hiking northbound. That means you'll finish in what, five more months?"

"Four if I hurry."

"The trail ends in Maine. There's this tiny, tiny town up there." He mused. "When you finish the trail, look for me around town. I'll be there. If you still want to be with me... then we could pursue a relationship like normal people. Coffee dates and stuff. If not... well, I'll buy you lunch."

"Is that another one of your movie references?" You chuckled. His plan sounded like something straight out of a cheesy rom-com.

"I'm serious." He explained. "My mom lives up there, and I've got nowhere else to be in four to five months."

"How am I supposed to find you?"

"I'm pretty sure the town population is in the double digits, and I'm definitely sure that me and my mom are the only mothpeople there." You considered his offer. It was all you had to look forward to, really.

"Let's shake on it." You extended a hand to him over the dying embers. He reached out to meet you, but then suddenly paused. "What's wrong?" You asked, a pang of fear striking you.

"I have one condition: when you inevitably run into my mom, our story has to be something other than, 'we met up on the trail and had sex after an embarrassingly short conversation and a camera flash,' okay?" You burst into laughter, as did he. He took your hand in his claw and shook enthusiastically.

"We have a deal." You answered. "Don't worry, I'll come up with something good."

"You better. You've got four-to-five months to craft it." He clicked. You smiled.

When you both finished your coffee, you gave him a hug and enjoyed the feeling of his neck fuzz on your cheek one last time. The fire had gone out, you packed up your tarp and sleeping bag, and you took a few steps north on the trail. You stopped soon after and turned, watching him go. He disappeared into the foliage. Sighing, you resumed your hike. To pass the time you talked to yourself.

"Ah, so nice to meet you, Mrs. Moth-mom. Yes, of course, we met at a pottery class."

No! Stupid.

"We were flying kites in the park, and ours got tangled up together—"

Now you sound like you're referencing sappy rom-coms.

You sighed. At least you'd have a while to come up with something convincing.

[guqin-and-flute]

In Your Hands--Ch. 5 [Peony to Lotus!Verse]

[Chapter 1][Chapter 2][Chapter 3][Chapter 4]

[This whole fic is the second chronological installment of the Peony to Lotus!Verse]

[First Installment] [Ao3 Series]

[CW: Vague mention of abortion, discussions of not-actually-happening spousal abuse, canon typical classism and anti-sex worker rhetoric, very mild emetophobia warning (nothing actually happens)]

She has a single moment for her sleep-slow brain to think; Madam Jin? Why on earth is she here without sending word? Is there an emergency? Has something happened to Jin Zixuan? before He Si’s voice comes again, more frantic, saying, “Oh--Ah, furen, I don’t think--!”

The door flies open with a bang and Yanli jumps, clutching the makeup removing cloth to her chest. All at once, Madam Jin is here, in her room, ashen and wind scattered, sweeping over in a flood of gold and a thick perfume, “Oh Gods, look at you,” she moans despairingly, gathering up Yanli’s free hand in an iron grip. “How far along are you? No, it doesn’t matter--these things can be dealt with when we return to Koi Tower. You,” she snaps, turning to He Si who is hovering anxiously in the doorway, hands at her mouth. “Begin packing her things.”

What? ...What?

He Si shoots her a furtive look before scurrying to her wardrobe. But her voice is held hostage by her fog-slow mind and she can only blink, stunned. It’s being bowled over by an unstoppable wave; Yanli is towed, bewildered and spinning in its undertow, still scrambling to understand. Madam Jin, however, is rolling right along, petting the back of her hand with her soft, sky-frozen fingers. “Oh, you look awful. I’ll have him gutted, I’ll have them all gutted, how could they do this to you? Men,” she spits the word like a curse, her features twisted into a snarl that reminds Yanli so much of her own mother in a temper. “I came as soon as I heard what my brute of a husband had done, but I nearly qi deviated first. You don’t have to worry, A-Li, I’m going to fix this; he is never going to touch you again. Look at me, child, let me see you.” Every line in her face is etched like agony, like fury as she presses her hand to Yanli’s cheek. “Has he hurt you?”

He? Sect Leader Jin? She hasn’t seen him since the wedding.

In fact, she hasn’t seen or heard from Madam Jin herself since before that, during Yanli’s stay at Koi Tower during the beginning of the Sunshot Campaign. She hadn’t attended her wedding.

That had hurt her, for she had always been a dear friend of her mother’s and an auntie to Yanli, always taking an interest in her--though she had always assumed some of that had been as a future mother-in-law. She had wondered if Madam Jin was upset with her for how the engagement had gone and if her absence was her showing disapproval. (Yanli had had to shake herself free of that gnawing guilt whenever she thought about this, reminding herself that it was Jin Zixuan who had rejected the engagement and that even if she could somehow be in trouble for marrying A-Yao, she would never regret it.) When she had diffidently asked after Madam Jin’s absence, Sect Leader Jin had merely smiled widely and waved a dismissive hand. “Ah, she’s out traveling, visiting distant relatives and old friends. Socializing. You know how women are.”

Yanli had thought that she had a much better idea of how women were than Sect Leader Jin might, but had smiled politely, bowed, and accepted this.

Now, she watches helplessly as He Si drags a trunk out from a corner and begins layering her robes into it, sneaking frightened looks back at her mistress. “I don’t....” Yanli manages, voice cracked and thin. “Jin-furen, I’m not--I don’t--”

Madam Jin nods, her smile wobbly and proud, as if Yanli is being very brave. “It’s alright, dear. I’m here now. I’m here to take you with me, A-Li, you don’t have to stay here another minute.”

What? As she opens her mouth to protest, to ask what on earth is going on, all that Madam Jin had said finally manages to squeeze itself into her sluggish brain. Cold rushes over her like ice water.

Madam Jin hadn’t known about the marriage. Sect Leader Jin hadn’t told her, he had done it behind her back. She thinks Yanli was forced into this. She thinks A-Yao is hurting her. She thinks she’s rescuing her. The frantic speeding of her heart spins her head, as if the room is revolving around her, her thoughts a jumble. “No, Jin-furen, you don’t--you don’t understand--”

“Shhh, A-Li, I understand more than you know. The way the world uses women is not new to me. You’re not alone in this.”

“No, I--I know that I’m not--”

Madam Jin nods gently, encouragingly, sending the beautiful golden pendant from her hair stick swinging as she strokes Yanli’s cheek with the backs of her fingers. “Yes, exactly, you’re not. I’m here for you. I will make this right.”

It’s making her head throb, this feeling closing in around her; being surrounded by her familiar floral perfume, being talked to as if she were young and foolish, as if she has no idea what is good for her. She feels herself getting smaller and smaller until she's barely there at all, her voice barely heard. Pitiful. They never say as much, but that's what they must think of her. Pitiful and silly. A child again.

She hadn't even realized how real she has been feeling these days until she finds herself back in this sad little grey box where all she can do is sit and be rescued and planned for. Planned around. She feels the scattered beginnings of her own indignation wilting like unwatered flowers, greying, quieting. The words cowering in her throat. She can feel herself folding as she always has, as she's been taught, to stern women who know better.

She mustn't. Curling her fingers, she grasps Madam Jin’s hand back, willing her to hear and believe her because the story she seems to have written inside her own head sounds too awful to bear. “No...no, Jin-furen, you must understand--I chose him, I agreed, I’m--I’m--”

“Oh, child, I’m not blaming you, there is no way you could have known.”

How many times can she say no and have it fall like insignificant little drops onto a blazing inferno? How many times can it not matter before it’s no use to even speak at all? Trapped between her traitorous, cowardly tongue and the force of nature that is Madam Jin. She tries again anyway. “No, he’s wonderful, he takes care of me--”

But Madam Jin’s eyes have fallen to her wrist and a swell of rage-filled-power rises from her like simmering heat. “Is that what this is?” she hisses, and for all that she looks about to spit sparks, her hands are careful when she cradles Yanli’s hand and pushing her sleeve back to bare the faint bloom of muddy purple that rings the thin skin of her wrist.

The wrist that A-Yao had caught when she had lost her balance during their dance.

She hadn’t even noticed it bruising--it hadn’t hurt, it hadn’t. Her skin has just always been easily bruised, ever since she was a child. The panic is climbing her throat at the way this all seems to be hurtling down a cliffside with the trajectory of a bag of rocks, squeezing it almost as tight as her chest and she has to fight the urge to snatch her wrist back. “Furen, no, he didn’t hurt me--I tripped.”

He Si is frozen, one of Yanli’s gauzy over robes squeezed in shaking hands. Her eyes are darting between them, the ends of her pink ribbons quivering.

Madam Jin is bristling, the ozone tang of her rage on Yanli’s tongue, vibrating her skull like the tongue of a bell. “This is a handprint! A-Li, look at yourself! Look at what he’s done to you! You look like you’re on the verge of death!”

“I’m not, I’m--it’s my own fault, I drank too much yesterday, I pushed myself too hard!” she cries because she knows how she looks when she’s sick and hungover, but it is not her husband’s fault. “He would never--”

But no. Madam Jin’s eyes have darkened to thunderous “Absolutely none of this is your fault, A-Li, do you hear me? None of it.”

“It was an accident! He didn’t mean to--”

“You think no woman has ever thought that of a husband? That she has never blamed herself? There is no such thing as a decent man, A-Li--no less one that’s a bastard whoreson.”

It rings in her ears. Stealing the breath from her parted lips, winding her more utterly than her rage had. A knife in the ribs, clenched in her insides. If these words hurt A-Yao half as badly as this hurts now, Yanli has no idea how he is still living after all these years. They are horrid. As if he is not human. She should have felt angry; instead, she’s just betrayed.

I didn’t know you were like this.

She stares at the contempt for her husband coloring her auntie’s familiar and beloved face, unable to find the words she needs. Madam Jin softens, the press of her power abating as she strokes her hair. It raises ugly goosebumps down the back of her neck, this touch. She hates the way she is crowded close, stroking and coaxing and soothing--hates it in a way she never has before.

“You've always been so filial but there is no way your mother would have allowed this to happen if she were still alive. She would have never wanted this for you, A-Li, you know that.”

More pain. Swimming, nauseating pain because, yes, she knows--her mother would have said such terrible things about her A-Yao. Out of concern and propriety and love but they would have been vicious, just like when she had talked about A-Xian. Worse, even. She’s hearing their echoes now, through time, from Madam Jin, of one mind and memory.

If her mother was still alive, A-Yao would not be her husband. She knows this for a fact.

Madam Jin seems to take her struggling silence as encouragement and continues with new insistence, like she thinks she’s getting through to her.

“And this is not what I would ever want for you either, child, whether you decide to marry my idiot of a son or not. I love you like my own daughter, and you deserve so much more than gutter trash. You don’t have to force yourself to suffer through--”

Sudden, molten rage spurts up from Yanli’s stomach up her spine and to her head until she feels incandescent with it. “He is not trash,” escapes her, low and trembling. Her hands are balled into fists in her lap, despite Madam Jin’s gentle hand around her wrist.

Pity floods Madam Jin’s face. Yanli could scream. “Shh, shhh, shhh, A-Li, it’s alright. Oh, you never could say a cross word about anyone. He can’t hear you. Neither can your brother or that awful Wei Ying. It’s just us. You don’t have to be brave anymore.”

Her pulse is throbbing in her head, her chest, the tips of her fingers, the soles of her feet. “I’m not. A-Yao is kind, he is good, he is--”

“Oh, A-Li, please, don’t you see what Guangshan was doing? It was an insult, him being sent here. He sent you this--this beast instead of taking you in and giving you the protection you deserve and that idiot of a brother of yours accepted and I will never forgive them for it. You were supposed to be--”

A-Yao, Xianxian, and now A-Cheng. No. No more. She will take no more. “Jin-furen,” she says, slowly, staring at the white hills of her clenched knuckles. “Please don’t talk about my husband that way.”

Madam Jin insists, “You don’t want someone like this in your line--he’s probably diseased! Think of your Clan! Think of the children! Your mother tolerated Wei Ying because of his parentage, but she would draw the line at--”

“Jin-furen,” she says, her voice ringing now, raising up her gaze to stare into the woman’s startled eyes. “Please do not ever talk about my husband that way. Or my family.”

Finally, Madam Jin falls into intent silence, watching her from dark circled eyes. As if she’s trying to find a way around her words. Find out how she’s lying or hiding or being bullied into this.

And it makes Yanli burn.

“I love him,” she says with a conviction that sings down through her chest like the Jiang clarity bell that is laid out carefully on the edge of her makeup table, waiting to be worn. Shining.

Because she had been wondering before and is certain now. Because there is no fear or doubt when she says it, because it is as easy as breathing and feels just as true--she loves him, not just because he needs it and deserves it but because he is hers and she is his. And she’s so angry that it’s Madam Jin and not A-Yao who is the first to hear it.

Madam Jin lets out a disbelieving sound through her nose, eyes pitying again. “Oh, A-Li, this isn’t love. Not with someone like him.”

He has never made me feel as small as you are now. And I don’t need to convince you.

Yanli stands, though her head swims and her knees buckle, vision sparkling at the edges with fury and vertigo. Madam Jin also stands, grasping Yanli’s elbows with worry crowding her face when she sways. “Child--”

“Jin-furen, I think you have misunderstood what is going on here. I’m not leaving.” She looks to He Si, who is still by the trunk, watching with huge eyes. “Please put those back.” The maid slowly opens the wardrobe back up without looking away.

“A-Li, be reasonable.” Madam Jin sounds alarmed. “Is it because you are with child? Is that why you’re being so--?”

“I am not.” It is none of her business whether or not they have indulged in their marriage bed or if they ever will. It is absolutely no one’s business at all. This current is coursing through her like a clear river--higher than rage, higher than panic, brighter than the sun. It is fast and her ears ring and she feels flushed and close to collapse but she is finished with this entire conversation. She is the Lady of the Jiang. She is one of Lotus Pier’s hosts. This is her room. She turns her gaze back to Madam Jin, sees her distress and can’t find it in herself to feel guilt. “I thank you for your concern, Jin-furen. But this is a Clan matter.” She keeps her voice chill and polite.

“A-Li, you’re being too kind for your own good.”

“Thank you, furen. I’m not.”

“I’m not going to let you do this to yourself!”

Yanli straightens her spine, lifts her chin, and says with the most arctic voice she can manage without being blatantly rude, “On the contrary, Jin-furen, it is already done. And I have never been so happy.” Before Madam Jin can respond, she continues. “You must be tired from your trip. We will find you a room so that you can recover for your departure tomorrow.”

Madam Jin is standing stiff, staring at her with ill concealed frustration and concern. Then, she announces to the room, “It has been years since I’ve visited Lotus Pier. I will stay a while and make certain that Ziyuan-jie’s home and family are being cared for properly.” Her gaze never leaves Yanli’s face. She looks as though she is planning a kidnapping behind her eyes.

Yanli cannot make her leave; this fury would only go so far when her body is already about to fail and when being obedient and filial were the quenchants of her forging. Madam Jin is her elder and the wife of an allied Sect Leader. And so she merely gives a jerky curtsy and glances aside at He Si. The girl nods and bows, gesturing past herself to the door with a nervous smile. “This way, furen?”

Madam Jin sweeps out and down the hall with stung dignity, head held high. Yanli manages to totter over to the doors on shaky legs to close them, but ends up leaning on one to catch her speeding breath. Her entire face is buzzing, sweat beading at her hairline. There are 2 lotus petals still stirring in the eddies from Madam Jin’s wake in the corridor, their delicate little curves swirling like boats in a breeze. The little things her own auntie had said kept washing over her; the way she had assumed Yanli’s hypothetical pregnancy would have been a problem she had the right to ‘take care of’; the immediate and easy dismissal of Yanli’s truth; insulting her brothers. She feels like throwing up.

The only person she had spoken highly of was who she thinks Yanli is. And within those confines, Yanli finds herself twisting. She has always wanted to be good, to be loved. But not like this, some poor doll in need of a rescue. Not as some prize that had been gifted to the 'wrong man' when all that made her good and whole were her people.

Her people. Madam Jin has just shown herself to no longer be trustworthy enough to be one of them. The severing leaves her watery kneed, but fierce in her conviction. She has lost nearly everything, before. She will never allow herself to even come close again. It is a small price.

“Shijie?”

At Xianxian’s voice, she looks up, finds him striding down the hall, face creased in worry. She manages a weak smile and reaches out when he comes near enough, letting herself lean heavily into his arms with a gust of breath. “Xianxian. I’m alright, I’m just...need to sit down.” Things are wavering, as if they’re underwater, her head pulsing with pain.

“What is it? What’s wrong? Are you sure?” he asks, alarmed as he dabs at her face with his sleeve, bearing her weight as she shuffles back toward her chair. “You look like you’re going to pass out. Here, over here, sit. Was it dinner last night? You don’t usually drink.”

She does sit, more heavily than she would have liked, and closes her eyes as he takes one of her fans from her drawer and crouches before her, wafting cooler air over her face. After a moment to catch her breath, she looks at him and gives a small smile. “Aren’t you supposed to be out with A-Yao?”

He reaches up with his other sleeve to gently blot her forehead again. “We got back a while ago. Yao-ge told me to find you because you were upset. Did I just pass the reason in the hall? Shall I go chase her out for you?” He gave her his impish smirk, the one that makes her laugh. But she hears the weight of the offer behind the joking.

As gratifying as that might be to her right at this moment, with this indignant anger still gushing through her, she knows better than to let herself get swept up in petty revenge. And she knows A-Xian’s temper. Better not tell him at all how much Madam Jin had upset her. She shakes her head and takes his free hand, holding it in her lap like an anchor as her heart slowly calms. “No...no, I’ll take care of it.” She simply breathes for a moment as she settles back, then pets his cheek when she sees him eyeing her doubtfully.

“Shijieeee,” he whines. “How can I help if you don’t tell me what’s wrong? How can you leave Xianxian in the dark?”

There is no need for anyone else to know the vile things Madam Jin had said. She will get better at this, hammering herself into a shield for them--for all of them. “It’s nothing worth repeating, nosy Xianxian.” As she speaks, she pokes his nose gently and he scrunches it up.

“Was it about Yao-gege?”

He knows her too well. She sighs. “It was.”

It’s beginning to dawn on her how blind she has been to A-Yao’s plight. The way no one from the Jin had so much as written to him in the month or so that they have been married, as far as she knew. The way Jin Guangshan had talked around him during the arrangement of their engagement, as if barely worth mentioning. And now Madam Jin had surely never shown him any kindness, if they had ever met. No mother, and his father’s family disdainful, shoving him out as soon as they gained him.

And so who in the world has A-Yao had to stand with him? No one? No one at all? Where are his sworn brothers, Chifeng-zun and Zewu-jun? Where is Nie Huaisang, if they had been so close, as A-Cheng had claimed? The very thought has her stomach rolling. This is unacceptable. She is going to fix this.

“A-Xian, we’re a family,” she says, fiercely, leaning forward to take his face in her hands. “You, A-Cheng, A-Yao, and I. We are never going to be parted from each other. We’re all we have left in the world. We have to be there for each other.”

He blinks, fan freezing. Then he nods, slowly. “Sure, Shijie. Of course. Always.”

“I’m not ever going to let anyone hurt you.”

His smile flicks on. “Wow, whatever Jin-furen said really got you upset--you sure you don’t want me to kick her out for you? I’ll do it, you know, no problem. You know how I feel about upstart Jin’s annoying you.”

His familiar teasing eases her stinging soul until she smiles again, brushing back one of the wisps of hair that frames his face. “I know. But no. Just...just be kind to A-Yao around her. Be respectful.”

“I’m always respectful!”

Tugging his hair, she says, “Of course, of course, that’s why he was afraid you were going to try to push him in the lake.” When he ducks his head with a sneaking grin, she plucks the fan from his fingers and bops his head with it. “I need you to get my letter writing set for me, can you do that?”

He rises, rubbing the spot as if it had hurt--but he eyes her dubiously. “Shouldn’t you sleep, Shijie? Get some food? I can make you soup!”

Her head was indeed still swirling and pounding, and at the mention of food, it twinges--though she’s not certain if it is with hunger or further nausea. So she shakes her head mournfully, sweeping the fan slowly beneath her chin. “I don’t think my stomach could take the spice of your cooking right now, Xianxian. But I would love it if you brought me some tea when you come back.”

And because he is wonderful he does, a pot of chrysanthemum tea that has clearly been chilled by one of his talismans, because it still tastes fresh, fully steeped, and delightfully cool. He also has added a bowl of lotuses floating in water on the tray he sets before her, presumably from his adventure.

“Did you have fun ‘playing’ with A-Yao?” she asks as she unloads the tray onto her desk.

“Oh that,” he rolls his eyes performatively, collapsing on his back onto her bed. “Yeah, we talked a bit, picked those. But he wouldn’t get in the water, even though it was ridiculously hot. Really, Shijie, your husband has no idea how to play!”

“Well,” she smooths the paper out before her with the slim bars of boxwood, carved in relief with cranes and bamboo--another present from A-Yao. “Then you will just have to be patient and teach him how.”

And she begins to write. Xianxian doesn’t last longer than halfway through her first letter before becoming bored and wandering back out with a cursory, “Call me if you need me, Shijie!” Condensation slowly beads on the teapot and cup beside her, and the water of the lotus bowl sparks amber in the sinking sun through her windows. Even though she has only been conscious a scant few hours of the day, she feels exhaustion through every ounce of her body and brain, sleep calling her back to her bed. But she fights it, lights the lantern on her desk, and keeps writing.

Just as she’s finishing the last letter, the door opens. She brightens and turns, mouth open to greet A-Yao--but it’s He Si, slinking in the door, looking shamefaced. “Furen.”

“Oh, A-Si. How did it go?”

Strangely, the girl's eyes well with tears and she falls to her knees. “Furen, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know what to do, I panicked, I just--!”

The edge to her voice is sending spikes of pain through the backs of Yanli’s eyes and she winces, putting a hand to her temple. He Si sees and claps a hand over her mouth, eyes huge. “A-Si, it’s fine, truly. I felt badly having left you with her when she was bound to be upset. Are you alright?”

Giving a watery nod, she clambers back up to her feet, wiping at her eyes. “Yes, furen. She just wanted me gone, so I went and organized the reception of her luggage and maids that came later. I meant to be back sooner,” she adds miserably as she begins to unload the abandoned trunk. “Everything the Jin do is so complicated. Is there anything you need? Something I can get you? Medicine?”

“I’m going back to sleep soon, so maybe something for pain, please. When you’re done, you can take these letters to be delivered and...well….” She adds, shyly. “Maybe my husband? I thought you were him, coming in. I thought...he would have returned by now.”

The maid pauses in her hanging of a lavender robe and thinks. “I believe I saw him in his office working as I was coming back. Should I go get him?”

“Oh, no, if he’s busy, I can wait. I was just...I miss him.”

Timidly, He Si offers her a smile. “If I may...you were so brave today, furen. I never would have been able to talk back to Jin-furen like that. Defending your husband’s name….” She sighs, eyes dreamy. “It was so romantic.”

Yanli hides a smile behind her sleeve. “Ah, well....thank you, A-Si. I don’t think you need to be told that what was said in here is not to be spread to anyone else.”

In response, He Si pretends to close a padlock at the corner of her lips and mimes throwing the key over her shoulder. “Not a word, furen.”

The girl had proved herself to be discrete in her service so far. And so a corner of her heart feels placated. But something is starting to tug from the back of her mind, like she has forgotten something or overlooked it. It niggles there, like a fretful worm, even as He Si finishes returning all her displaced clothing and spirits the letters off. It starts to seep in when she strokes down the smooth lotus petals idly with her finger. A-Xian had said that A-Yao had sent him because she was upset. How had he known? And shouldn’t he have visited her before now, since he had been so worried?

Lotus petals...there had been lotus petals just like these on the floor outside of her room. It was not unheard of, on some windy days, but these had been fresh, as fresh as these very flowers on her desk....Oh. Oh no. Worry clutches her stomach in its sick claws and she hides her face in her hands with a low groan. Her stupid, slow mind. She had just said she would fix A-Yao’s loneliness but then had left him to it without knowing. How much had he heard? Or how little? He Si hadn’t mentioned seeing him in the hall when she left with Madam Jin--had he gone before her declaration? Had he only heard her half hearted attempts of defending before she got her proverbial feet underneath her? Just her horrible, stunned silence?

No wonder he isn’t here with his poor, tender heart. It might just be crushed in his chest with how poorly she had managed to defend him. She hastily tucks her feet into slippers and totters out.

The walk to his office is thankfully fairly short, if dizzying. Two passing servants hurry to support her elbows when they see her hesitating at the courtyard entrance, where there are no more walls to support her. She releases them just outside his door, where she can peer around the crack. At this, she scolds herself for being so childish and cowardly--but she needs to know how to approach. A-Yao is slippery when he’s hurting and she wants him to actually hear what she has to say.

In the warm lantern light of his office, he is stoic and straight backed, reading something on the desk while he himself is unreadable. His eyes are dark, his mouth a straight line. Hidden tension. He doesn’t look shattered and betrayed. But then, he never does. If he has truly heard all that she thinks he has, she would have almost (almost) preferred to find him bereft, to fully see the depth of what sort of devastation had been brought to her love so she can soothe it all. She knocks uncertainly, sees him raise his head, face unchanging. “Come in.”

When she opens the door, he smiles--and for a moment, hope pokes its little head up. Maybe he hadn’t been there at all, maybe she’s mistaken and he had been protected from Madam Jin’s vitriol.

But no. That smile is empty, just like his eyes. There is no warmth, no blooming before her as there has been. He is hiding. He opens his mouth to say something, but she blurts out first, “I’m so sorry, A-Yao.”

He blinks, closes his mouth and settles back, as if curious. “Whatever for?”

“For what you heard.”

That smile twitches at the corner, briefly and she can almost see him weighing the option of pretending, of asking what she means. Instead, the smile widens into dimples and he shakes his head, as if rueful. “I’m the one who should apologize. I never meant to eavesdrop, I was returning after my outing with Wei Wuxian and I happened to have abysmal timing. I promise that I don’t make a habit of listening outside of doors, I would hate for you to think that of me--”

Her heart aches. “A-Yao--”

Doggedly, he continues, smile unwavering. “How are you feeling? I’m surprised to see you up, you said you would sleep most of the day.”

“I did, I just...I had to come and see you.”

“Do you need anything? I can send someone to stand watch by your door all night in case you do. You would only have to call them in.”

That made it sound like he wasn’t planning to come to bed at all. This morning he had to be pushed to leave her side. Is he mistrusting her? Does he think he is unwanted? Is he isolating himself? “No, A-Si is bringing me something that will help me sleep. A-Yao, I need to know, are you alright?”

“Perfectly. Do we know how long we will be accommodating Jin-furen?”

“I...no, hopefully it’s not very long.”

“I shall have to tell the kitchens to make some Lanling delicacies, then.”

“A-Yao…” Her declaration is laying on her tongue, heavy, wanting to be given to him like a treasure. But she sees his shiny eyes and his shiny smile and the way he is doing his deft little flicks of conversation away from himself. Knows that he would probably take it as pity or placation and not truth. He will not believe that she loves him if she tells him now. “How much did you hear?”

“I feel terrible even mentioning it, Jiang-furen, it was a lapse in judgement.”

A pang in her chest, right where the knowledge of love had tolled earlier and even though it is still almost stiflingly warm, even after sun down, she suddenly feels very cold and alone. “Don’t,” she says, softly. She manages to kneel before his desk (he had tensed to rise, to help her, she had seen it) and takes one of his hands where they are placed just so on the desk before him. “Don’t leave.”

He blinks, some of that shell shifting in surprise. “I would never.”

“Don’t pull back like that. Please. I’m A-Li.” She lifts his hand, puts his palm to her cheek. “I’m not Jiang-furen. You know that.”

He is quiet, face...held. Held on, held together. Considering. “A-Li,” he repeats her, not quite a question, not quite a confirmation. His fingertips shift, flexing slightly against her cheek, his thumb gentle at the corner of her eye.

“Yes. A-Li. I want...I want to know how much you heard so I can know how much to explain, I….”

Something flickers in his eyes. “You don’t have to explain,” he says, voice low. “I shouldn’t have listened. It was a private conversation.”

“That’s not at all what I’m worried about.”

“...Then what are you worried about?”

“I...that you have been hurt. That you feel like you somehow need to stay away from me. Because you don’t and--and I don’t want you to.”

He is silent, dark eyes completely opaque in the glow of the lantern light. But his mouth has thinned. Has she struck something? Yanli grasps at this like someone drowning. “A-Yao, what she said was horrible and she is wrong. I don’t agree with a single word. You’re not...I can’t even repeat what she said, but you’re not any of those things. And I never--I never meant to be silent, I just….I’m not good with words and when I’m tired like this...I get...foggy.” Her tongue feels slippery and out of control, like she’s trying to shove the words out as quickly as she can, to get them into this sliver that has opened in him before it closes again. “I don’t know when you left. Did you hear me say that I’ve never been so happy? Did you hear that--” It’s sliding around her mouth, bumping her teeth because she wants him to have it, to be able to hold it. “I said I love you. I love you, A-Yao.” It spills.

And he freezes.

And she knows it’s a mistake.

He smiles with dimples. Closes. Whatever part of him had been listening and believing her was gone, retreating entirely. He turns his hand from her cheek, drawing hers down to the table to squeeze and release. “It’s alright, A-Li. I’m not upset. You don’t have to do that.”

Lie, lie, and lie. “A-Yao, I mean it,” she whispers desperately around the lump in her throat, her fingers in an artless tangle across whatever missives he was reading. “I do.”

His smile widens and his eyes do not join it, over bright and frozen. He swallows and says nothing. Tears crowd her eyes, hot, blurring. She swipes uselessly at them with her sleeve. It’s not that she’s hurt by his reaction. She doesn’t blame him at all. It’s not that she thinks he doesn’t care for her. It’s not rejection, they have both come too far and shared too much for her to believe that, even if she might feel its blade.

It’s just that it’s so much at once; having a horrible pain day and Madam Jin and A-Yao hurt and she can’t take it back and give it to him at the right time and she’s so tired. She had first said it in anger, and now desperation. This isn’t at all what she had wanted.

She’s doing it again. Never enough at the right time to protect those she loves. Never able to voice what was needed. She should have been able to prevent this. His hands are fists in his lap and his lips have whitened, smile now a sick thing that isn’t even trying to be convincing as he stares at the table. “A-Li--” he says in a croak and she has to save him, he has been hurt too much for today.

So she talks over him, trying to school her breath not to catch. “D-do you think you’ll be coming to bed tonight?”

“I have...work.”

Nodding, she begins to push herself up to her feet with great difficulty, now that her legs are pins and water. He’s up in an instant beside her, looking concerned, but the way that he hesitates before touching her breaks her heart--so she reaches out and takes his hand. It’s a moment before she steadies, leaning against his chest and it strikes her again just how nice and warm he smells. She wishes he would come and let her snuggle up to him to sleep. She wishes he had never heard such horrible things.

Does she beg him to stay? Or does she let him come in his own time?

“Will you walk me back?” Yanli asks in a small voice. “I don’t think I can make it on my own...my knees….”

“...Of course.”

The walk back to her room is just as slow as the walk from it. Yanli wishes that it was anything like the lovely drunken stroll they had had the night before--when she had laughed at the stars and basked in his affection. He’s closed up tight, now, and she doesn’t know if she will ever be able to pry him out of his shell again. She has to believe that she can. That his fragile trust wasn’t irreparably broken. All she can do is stand with open arms and hope he knows it’s safe to return to them.

He supports her to their bed and helps her sit. And he pauses, gaze flicking from her eyes to her lips, and for a breathless, hopeful moment, she waits. And then he bows--not a full salute, but an inclining of his head, his hands fisted in his robes. “Goodnight, A-Li.”

Her heart drops down into mush. “Goodnight, A-Yao.”

She will not push him before he’s ready. She can wait until he trusts her words again and she will tell him as many times as he needs. They have time.

They have time.

“A-Yao?”

He pauses at the door, head turning until she can see a sliver of his profile, still and closed.

“Don’t push yourself too hard. I’ll miss you.”

His fingers scrunch up in his dark blue sleeve, the corners of his lip pulling down. But he ducks his head wordlessly and disappears around the doorframe.

Luckily, He Si returns with her pain medicine only minutes after A-Yao has left, because her legs and head are throbbing. Luckier still that the girl seems to have the good sense to not ask why she’s desperately and unsuccessfully stifling tears.

[wonderlandhatter]

Will you read to me?

Pairing: Spencer x femReader

Summary: You're feeling unsettled after a case, so Spencer helps you get some sleep and get a smile back on your face.

Word count: 1863

Warnings: fluff (is that a warning idk), mentions of an unsub, feeling overwhelmed after an unsub touches you (just your hand and waist nothing in detail). Tiny bit of angst I think mostly fluff though

A/N: Ok so this is my first attempt at writing a fic, it ended up being longer than I thought it would be, anyways if you would like to give me some feedback that would be greatly appreciated, hope someone out there enjoys this, I really liked writing it.  Ooh also if I missed any warnings pls tell me. 

A/N2: Hey so my old account got deleted so I'm reposting my fics if you have a sec I would appreciate it if you could boost it so i can try and get to where i was, thank you.

It had been a tough case, especially for you, the victimology fit you in every way and so you had been used to draw the unsub out, nothing had gone wrong but you could still feel his hand where he had touched yours, his alluring presence was lingering around you , all you wanted to do was go home and shower this feeling off but first you had to get there.

Unfortunately, there was still 2 hours left in the flight. So, until you did get home you would settle for sleep hoping time would pass faster, though you just couldn’t stop your mind from thinking, well overthinking. Spencer noticed this and it hurt him to see you like this he himself knew nothing had happened but he didn’t like the thought that you had even gone near that creep, to think about what he would have done to you, if the circumstances were different.

He couldn’t imagine what he would do if something had happened, you and him were close, very close, you had first bonded when he noticed your Dr who coin purse on your first day at the BAU, he hadn’t gotten a chance to say anything because at that moment Garcia bubbled into the bullpen announcing that they have a case. but when he saw it again on the jet, he couldn’t resist but to ask if you like the show, you love the show and your face visibly lit up at the mention of it as did his, you both exchanged a few words before Derek piped in to ask if that was the show with the flying phone booth but before Spencer had the chance to correct him, you did. ‘well firstly it’s a Tardis which stands for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space, secondly it isn’t a phone booth it’s a police box.’ Once you finish you simply smiled at him but before he could answer you piped up again early. ‘ ooh ooh and do you want to know why it’s a police box’, Derek honestly couldn’t care less but he couldn’t bare to take away the joy in your face that was brought by this nerdy little show you clearly loved, Spencer might also have been giving him a look that said ‘don’t you dare say no’, so he decided to indulge you, ‘sure kid tell me why it’s a police box’. Spencer saw your face light up even more if it was even possible, and so you began’ So the Tardis is supposed to change in appearance depending on where it  is because of a component that is called ‘the chameleon circuit’ but something happened to it so it no longer works and is stuck as a police box, its explained in the first Dr who series in an episode called An Unearthly child. Oh and…..’ by this time Derek has lost interest and was only half listening but Spencer’s full attention was on you as you talked about something that clearly brought you joy, at this point he decided  to chime in and so you two spent the rest of the jet ride to wherever it was you were going discussing your favourite episodes, plots and Drs. And so, a beautiful friendship began to bloom.

As spencer’s memory of that day came to an end he couldn’t help but be visibly sad at how much of a contrast your feeling were to that day, there was no smile so big you had dimples no hands moving around animatically  as you talked and no interrupting your own sentences as you thought of something else you thought needed to be said. And certainly, no you trying to convince him that David tenant was the best Dr. now there was only an uneasiness about you, you looked sad and in slight distress.

Spencer couldn’t keep sitting there doing nothing, he wanted to take those feelings away no, he needed to take them away, he wanted to go over to you and hold you, place you on his lap and let you bury your face into his cardigan like you had done so many times before on your movie nights, but that wouldn’t be appropriate while the entire team was around, and he didn’t want to make you feel worse by being so forward so instead he stood up from his seat opposite Derek and J.J and made his way to you on  the sofa holding his book, you were sat  in the corner looking so small, holding a now cold cup of tea.

Your mind was anywhere but there so it took Spencer calling your name quietly before you realised anyone was sitting there, and as you saw him all those bad feelings were drowned out by those of joy and love, they weren’t gone but their overwhelming words were dulled, Spencer just had that effect on you, you weren’t completely sure when your feeling changed from hey that’s my friend, to hey that’s my friend who I would like to kiss, marry, and have babies with. Maybe it was the day he showed you how to do physics magic, or the day he brought you coffee every morning for 2 weeks because he spilled one the previous day on your white shirt, or maybe the first time he hugged you, you knew he wasn’t big on hugs but after a tough case for everyone he could see you needed it and honestly once he was there holding you he never wanted to stop, after that he wouldn’t hesitate to hug you, you both waved it off as friendly but you both just wanted to be as close as possible, maybe when you came to terms with the fact you would both try your best to have physical contact with each other, be it holding hands or falling asleep on each other’s shoulder is when you knew you wanted a lot more.

You were brought back by Spencer’s voice, ‘are you ok’,’  ‘oh,  ah yeah sorry , my minds just wandering I guess’ you said looking down at your hands feeling bad for lying, he clearly knew you weren’t he was a profiler after all, and as you stared at your hand you   once again remembered his lingering touch on your left hand, before your mind could wander further Spencer held your hand ,he spoke up  ‘ don’t think about him, I know that’s what your doing , but he’s gone now were he cant hurt anyone else, were he can’t hurt you’. You looked away from him feeling silly ‘I know that, I don’t even know why I’m acting like this it’s ridiculous honestly he didn’t do anything he just touched my hand and waist but the thought of his hands on me just makes me feel sick, it’s like I can still feel him and I just want to wash it off and that’s all I can think about every time I try to sleep, I just want to sleep and forget about it spence’ as you said this you subconsciously scratched the back of  your hand where his had been, spencer took both your hands once again before you could hurt yourself,  ‘hey y/n, it isn’t silly, after seeing the crime scenes and knowing what he did to those women it is perfectly reasonable to be feeling like this’ you nod at his words and lean your head on his shoulder as you take in his familiar comforting smell, ‘thanks Spence’ you hear him hum in response as his head leans on top of yours.

You sit in comfortable silence just being with each other not even realising he hadn’t let go of your hand, it isn’t like you had made a move to either, and neither of you were planning on it. The jet was silent as everyone was either asleep, or going through some files, it was peaceful, it was wonderful.

You were the first to break the silence ‘what are you reading’ , ‘Alice’s adventures in wonderland’, you looked up at him from your place on his shoulder with a soft smile and simply stated ‘that’s my favourite book, I have a copy in my desk right now’ , ‘I know, that’s why I’m reading it, ‘ his reason made your heart swell as he continued, ‘even though it Is considered a classic I’ve never actually read it, I must say I am enjoying it’, ‘how far along are you’, ‘about half way’. Truthfully Spencer could have been done with the book already even though he had started it at the beginning of the flight, however this book was different, this was your favourite, this one meant so much to you and so he wanted to take it all in, he wanted that feeling you get when you first read a line that impacts you, a feeling you only get once with that line, a feeling he was getting often in this book because he knew you loved it and so he loved it.

The silence was disrupted by a very large yawn coming from you, he must admit you looked very cute when you were tired (he may also love the fact you were wearing one of his cardigans that you had claimed as your, and you also had very cute sweater paws). ‘Here lie down’ Spencer said, you knew you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep so you asked, ‘will you read to me’ there was barely a beat before you felt the need to justify your request, even though you didn’t need to he would do anything you asked. ‘it’s just I don’t think ill be able to sleep, and your voice is very calming’, the last part you said quietly and felt a light blush on your cheeks, spencer simply smiled and simply answered ‘of course ill read to you’, and so you laid you head down on his lap and he began reading once you were fully comfortable, ‘would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’’ ‘’that depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’’ said the cat………’’ and so Spencer kept reading to you, an you kept listening, his hand made its way to your hair and began to play with it while your hand drew lazy  nonsensical things  on his leg , and as you heard the words you had read a million times before, and as the man you held so much love for played with your hair all your worries and thoughts melted away and you slowly let sleep take over , you felt conflicted as you didn’t want to miss this, miss Spencer’s voice recite something that meant so much to you, it was like hearing a completely new story, but at some point you let it take over and so you were finally able to sleep, Spencer never stopped reading to you or playing with your hair in fear of disturbing your peace, he was so happy there was a smile back on your face, he would read to you every hour of every day if it meant seeing you smile.

[pan-fangirl-345]

You Have A Visitor!

Summary: Denki needs a boost. Luckily, there’s a visitors day coming up and you, being the loving girlfriend that you are, decide this is a good time to catch up with your boyfriend.

Trigger Warnings: Swearing, because Bakugou, some suggestive thought, and the reader had divorced parents and an alcoholic father, not to mention some low self-esteem. If there’s anything I missed, please tell me!

A/N: I have no idea what the hell made me write this but whatever, I have nothing else better to be doing like the chorus assignment that was due a week ago, and the outline for a paper, and then the actual paper. Oops.

Also, I realized quite belatedly, that I never told you guys that (Y/N) means your full name, both first and last. Sorry about that!

“Hey baby girl,” Denki said, sounding tired.

“Hey, are you okay?” you inquired, flopping onto your bed.

“Yeah, I just got my grades back and I can’t say they’re great. I even studied this time!”

“I’m sure they’re fine, Denki,” you assured him, wishing you could wrap your arms around him.

“I’ve missed you,” he admitted. “It’s been so hard being away from you for this long. And I don’t mean to be clingy, but I could really use a hug from you.”

You could hear it in his voice, he was having a bad day. He was normally very peppy and chipper, but there were days when he just couldn’t muster the energy for it.

“I know Sparky,” you said. “I miss you too. Where’s Kirishima? Can’t he give you a hug?”

“Nah, he’s in the gym with the steel guy from Class B.”

“I was almost 100% sure you were going to say he was with the explosion guy, Bakugou,” you said smiling.

“Can . . . can I FaceTime you?” he inquired softly.

“Of course Denks, I’m honestly a little surprised it took you this long to ask me,” you teased, trying to bring a smile to his face.

“Well, I know how you feel about being on camera.”

“Yeah, but it’s different when I’m talking to you,” you told him.

When he called you again, you answered, smiling at him.

“Hey Denki,” you said.

He looked tired, there were bags under his eyes, and he was flopped against his bed, body riddled with tension.

“Hey love,” he said, giving you a tired smile. “It’s so good to see your adorable face.”

“Right back at you Sparky,” you retorted, smiling at him. “I really wish I was there with you. Maybe I could help.”

“This is helping,” he told you. “Just being able to talk to you.”

“Bad day?”

He nodded, sighing. “I’m sore, I’m tired, I feel like an idiot, and I miss you on top of everything else.”

“I’m sorry, I wish I could see you. When’s the next visitors’ day?” you inquired, moving to look at your calendar.

“Like, two weeks from now, on Saturday. Why?”

“I’m gonna come visit you silly,” you teased, smiling at him. “I have to work that Saturday, but it’s only until noon. I’ll come see you after that, yeah?”

“Seriously? You’re gonna come see me?” he asked, sitting up. Little lines of electricity started to run up his body and you laughed.

“Yeah, course I am Sparky,” you said.

“I can’t wait to see you! And introduce you to my friends! And-”

The lights flickered in his room for a few moments before they turned back on.

“Kaminari!” someone shouted in the distance and he flushed.

“Sorry!” he shouted, making you laugh.

“Did you just short circuit the lights in your dorms?” you questioned.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he said, cheeks bright red.

“It’s okay, it let’s me know that you really are excited to see me,” you told him. “I know that there are a lot of other girls there that are probably prettier than I am.”

“Angel, listen to me,” Denki demanded, making you pause. It was very rare that he ever sounded that serious. “You are beautiful, inside and out, and I would rather spend an hour with you than a hundred years with them, understand?”

“You’re such a sap,” you muttered, suddenly remembering why you loved him so much. “I love you Denks.”

“I love you too, (Y/F/N), don’t ever forget that,” he said, face as serious as you had ever seen it.

“I won’t. Don’t forget that I love you either, alright?”

“I think I can handle that,” he said, flashing you that one million watt smile that you loved to see.

“Good,” you retorted, smiling back at him.

Someone shouted in the background again and Denki sighed.

“I have to go, it’s time for dinner, but I’ll call you again tomorrow night, okay?”

“Okay, I love you Denki Kaminari,” you told him.

“I love you too (Y/N).”

You smiled at him again before you hung up, sighing.

You missed Denki, you really did. It was hard sometimes, dating Denki long distance, even if he was still in the country. He was only about fifteen minutes away, but the security was so tight that it was hard for you to go see him, especially since you worked part time at the local library.

You were proud of him, and you wouldn’t trade him for all the money in the world, but you missed him.

Him and his dumb pickup lines, him and those dumb cat memes he used to send you, him and those awesome hugs whenever you had a bad day.

You had hated Denki when you had first met in middle school. You thought he was immature, way too loud, and you hated how little he paid attention in class.

But then you got paired up for a project and you learned that sometimes Denki didn’t realize he was being loud, or that his quirk was making things go haywire.

Denki had a lot of friends, he made them wherever he went, he was like that, but a lot of the time they were fake. 

You had learned how to help him remember things from class, you were there when he started to get a little too loud, and you were there when he was rejected for the first time.

You remembered tapping his arm whenever his noise level was becoming too much, or kicking him when he was unintentionally making someone uncomfortable, stepping in when someone tried to get him to do something that would get him in trouble.

He had asked you out through your third year of middle school. At first you had thought it was a prank, a dare maybe, but he had been adamant that he really wanted to be with you.

It had been weird at first, neither of you really knowing how this changed things, until you realized that nothing had to change. You could still do what you normally did together, but there was more hand holding and cheesy compliments involved.

He had gotten accepted into U.A., and you had been happy for him, but you would be going to different high schools, and when everything had started to get more dangerous there, you had panicked about Denki. You didn’t get to see him as often, and he had even tried to break up with you, worried about your safety.

But you had worked it out, you had talked about it, you called each other regularly and you sent each other small gifts every now and then when missing each other became almost unbearable.

There were small amounts of time when you worried more than usual, when they had training camps and weren’t allowed to have their phones, or when they had exams and you weren’t there to make sure that he was eating and getting enough sleep, but other than that, your relationship with him was relatively easy, everything considered.

The next two weeks were slow, but talking with Denki ever night made it better than you would’ve thought.

He assured you that his new friends would love you, though you were suspicious about Bakugou, that he wanted you to meet Eri, that everything was going to be fine, and that he couldn’t wait to hug you again.

“C’mon sweetheart, it’ll be fine! The only one you might have to worry about it Mineta, and I can promise that he won’t get anywhere near you,” Denki said, laughing.

“Why hasn’t the school kicked him out yet?” you inquired, nose wrinkled.

“That’s a good question,” Denki admitted. “I guess he just hasn’t done it in front of the teachers enough.”

“I would’ve killed him by now, I feel so bad for the girls that have to deal with him,” you said, shuddering.

“I know you would’ve,” he said, smiling. “But seriously, how was your day?”

“The same as usual, except there was this really cute little girl in the library today who tried climbing the shelves to get to a book she wanted. She was so cute! She got really high up though and I was terrified that she was going to hurt herself.”

He listened to you talk about your day, smiling as you talked.

“I’m really excited to see you tomorrow,” he said when you were done.

“I know, I’m excited too. I can’t wait to see you.”

‘I’ve missed you,” he said, getting a sad look on his face.

“Hey, no sadness remember?” you told him. You wanted so badly to reach out to him, to hold him, to run your hands through his hair while he held you. “I’ve missed you too, but we’re gonna see each other tomorrow. And I promise that I’ll give you as many cuddles as you want.”

“If that’s the case you wouldn’t be leaving the couch,” he said, smiling at you. “If you thought I was clingy before it’s only going to be worse tomorrow.”

“Trust me, if you weren’t clingy, I would be,” you assured him, making him laugh.

“You do realize that no one is going to understand how we’re in a relationship right?”

“Fuck ‘em,” you said. “It’s not really any of their business anyway. It’s a healthy relationship.”

“That’s my girl,” Denki said, smirking.

“You’re gonna be a smug bastard tomorrow aren’t you?” you inquired, making him cackle.

“You had no idea. Most of the squad doesn’t think you exist,” he said. “And when I say that, I mean that only Mina believes me because she walked in on my talking to you one night.”

“We’ll change their opinions tomorrow,” you promised, biting your lip. “I’m really excited to see you tomorrow Denki. It’s been too long.”

“I know! Don’t remind me,” he whined, making you chuckle.

“Do you want me to bring anything with me tomorrow?”

“Just your sparkling personality and enough hugs to hold me over until the time you can visit. And maybe some cupcakes or something, I’m craving sugar,” he muttered, the last part more to himself than to you.

Someone shouted in the background, and Denki sighed. “I have to go, but I love you, and I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

“I love you Denki, sleep well,” you told him.

“You too,” he said, ending the call.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Denki couldn’t stop pacing as people streamed into the dorms, trying to find the people they were there to visit. It was only nine, and he was already anxious to see her again.

He kept checking for her (Y/H/C) hair among the sea of people, even though he knew she wouldn’t be there yet.

He had already told his classmates that she was coming to see him today, most of them playing it off as a ploy for attention and sympathy. Both of his parents were working today, so they weren’t coming to see him, and his little sister had had a sleepover the night before and was probably sleeping it off at home with their cat.

(Y/F/N) had texted him that morning and he had been glued to his phone ever since smiling whenever she sent him a funny picture or a reminder of how much she loved him.

Mina had been waiting for months to meet his girlfriend, and while the others didn’t believe she existed, he was going to be proud to show her off.

He wasn’t anxious about seeing her again, he was looking forward to that, but what if she didn’t like his friends? What if they didn’t like her? What if-?

“Denki!”

His head whipped up at the sound of her voice, and he zeroed in on her.

Was he hallucinating? He was hallucinating, right? There was no way she was there-

She ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck, nearly knocking him over.

He definitely wasn’t hallucinating.

“Denki,” she breathed, burying her face in his neck as she twisted her fingers into the back of his t-shirt.

“(Y/F/N), I thought you weren’t coming until noon,” he said, clinging to her.

“I haven’t seen you in like, three months, and that’s all you have to say to me?” she inquired, flashing him that smile that he loved so much as she pulled back a little, just enough to see his face.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, kissing her.

Yeah, he definitely wasn’t hallucinating.

It had been so long since he had touched her, it felt like he had stuck his hand in a fire. She was warm against him and they couldn’t stop smiling at each other between kisses.

“I missed you,” she whispered, burying her hands in his hair.

He slid one hand up her back, touching her face lovingly with the other as they stared at each other, (Y/E/C) eyes meeting amber.

“I missed you too, sweet pea,” he assured her, kissing her again.

“WHAT THE FUCK? FUCKING PIKACHU ACTUALLY HAS A GIRLFRIEND?”

“Shut up Blasty!” Mina hissed, swatting him with her hands.

(Y/F/N) pulled away, cheeks tinged pink as the Bakusquad stared at them.

“You must be Bakugou,” she said, smiling at him. “And, for the record, I’m not a girlfriend, I’m the girlfriend.”

“I told you guys she was real!” Mina shouted, making you laugh.

“It’s nice to meet you all, I’m (Y/N), I’m also Denki’s girlfriend.”

“Clearly,” Sero said, making her chuckle.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you!” Mina said, throwing her arms around (Y/F/N), catching her by surprise, though she hugged back after a moment.

“You must be Mina. It’s so nice to meet you too. I’ve hear so much about all of you.”

“Pikachu, you have some fucking explaining to do,” Bakugou snapped.

“Gladly,” he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You know, I never would’ve thought you would have the patience to deal with someone like Kami, (Y/L/N),” Kirishima said.

“What can I say? Apparently I have a soft spot for dumbasses,” you said, making Denki protest.

“I can’t be that bad,” he muttered into your neck.

He hadn’t let go of you since you had arrived, there was an arm around your shoulders or your waist, a hand in yours or on your back, and now he had you seated in his lap, his arms around your waist as he fiddled with your fingers.

“How did you even get here this early? I thought you said you weren’t coming until noon.”

“I told my boss that I was going to see you today and he let me out early so that I could spend more time with you. I don’t know how you got him to like you so much, he hates everyone.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Denki pointed out.

“Yes, but that’s because I actually do my job correctly and because I have more invested in that library than the founder does!” you told him.

“(Y/F/N) really likes to read,” Denki admitted. “It’s one of the reasons she’s so smart.”

“I’m an only child with parents who both had to work a lot before they divorced, I had to find ways to entertain myself when they weren’t home and when they were too busy screaming at each other to pay attention to me,” you muttered.

Denki’s arms tightened around you subconsciously.

He had met both of your parents, and hadn’t taken well to your father, who had a tendency to love alcohol more than he loved you. It had made you a lot harder on yourself than you had to be, and your father had hated Denki from the moment they had met.

He thought your mother was a saint though, and she was for putting up with your father for so long.

“Yikes, that sounds rough,” Sero said.

You shrugged. “When you grow up like I did, it makes you used to certain things. I got used to someone always putting me down. I got used to having to do a lot of things myself. I mean, it sucked, and there was a time when I had a bag packed in my closet, but it made me who I am.”

“You never told me about the bag thing darling,” Denki said, frowning.

“I mean, I was . . . eight or nine I think, long before we were ever even friends,” you told him. You kissed his cheek lightly. “Besides, I never had to use it.”

“I don’t think that’s the point,” Mina chimed in.

You shrugged, then said, “Oh yeah, my mother says hi baby. She would’ve come with me, but she had to work. Speaking of parents, where are yours?”

“Mom and Dad had to work today,” he explained, nuzzling your neck softly.

“Right, they told me that earlier,” you muttered.

“You talk to his parents?” Kirishima asked.

“Well, yeah. I mean, we’ve known each other since middle school. I used to go over to his house all the time. I used to babysit his sister with him. They’ve known me for a while, us dating just helped my relationship with them. Besides, whenever your school gets attacked, I always go over there. Makes me feel like I’m doing something useful.”

“I still can’t believe fucking Pikachu has a girlfriend,” Bakugou grumbled.

“Jealous?” you asked, wrinkling your nose. “Maybe if you acted less like you had rabies girls wouldn’t be so afraid to talk to you.”

“What did you just say to me?” he asked, palms crackling.

“You heard me,” you said, interlacing one of your hands with Denki’s.

“Do you wanna fucking go?” he snarled, standing up.

“Not particularly, I was just giving a suggestion. Do with it what you will,” you told him, melting back into Denki, who sighed contently.

“This is the calmest I’ve ever seen him,” Sero said, staring at Denki in wonder.

“I have that affect on him apparently,” you confessed, running your free hand through his hair. “You haven’t been sleeping well, have you?”

Denki shook his head. “Too many loud thoughts. Feel bad waking you up to deal with it.”

“Baby, that’s what I’m here for, besides, I’m up a lot of the time anyway,” you chided. “Call me, alright? It puts me to sleep too you know.”

“Mmhmm,” Denki mumbled, kissing your shoulder lightly.

“Cute,” you murmured, kissing his forehead. “You can go take a nap you know.”

“Wanna stay with you,” Denki said.

“C’mon baby, up we go,” you whispered, pulling away from him, hauling him up off the couch. “When was the last time you slept through the whole night?”

“Two weeks ago,” he admitted.

“Denki!”

“‘M sorry,” he whispered.

“Come on, you’re taking a nap, even if I have to-” You stopped what you had been about to say.

Tying him to the bed sounded sexual, and so did sleeping with him. Sitting on him just sounded bad.

“Come on Denki,” you told him. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“Wanna stay with you,” he repeated.

“I’ll stay with you, alright? Just please, get some sleep,” you said. “Where’s your room?”

He stumbled his way through the halls, leading you to his room where he flopped onto his bed.

“It’s so you,” you told him, looking around.

He made grabby hands for you and you chuckled, climbing under his covers with him.

“Missed you a lot,” he muttered.

“I missed you too,” you told him, burying your hands in his hair as he wrapped his arms around you.

He relaxed again, and you kissed his forehead as he fell asleep, rubbing your hands against his back.

“Love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too Denks,” you murmured, letting your own eyes shut as you listened to his breathing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are they still in there?” Sero asked as they made their way to Denki’s room.

“She didn’t leave,” Mina said.

“What the fuck are they doing in there?” Bakugou asked.

“I don’t hear anything,” Kirishima said. “This is really unmanly guys.”

“Open the door,” Mina pushed.

“Guys, no!” Kirishima hissed, but Bakugou had already opened the door.

“Aww,” Sero, Kirishima, and Mina muttered, seeing the two of them tangled together under the covers.

Denki’s arms were tight around her waist as they laid there together, her head tucked under his chin, like he was protecting her.

They all remembered the fierce way she carried herself, the way she would’ve defended him against anyone, even himself.

“They’re gonna get married one day,” Sero said, voicing what everyone was thinking.

“He deserves it,” Bakugou murmured, surprising everyone.

“Come on, let’s leave them be,” Kirishima muttered, closing the door soflty.

[docholligay]

Divided by Four: Thirty-Six

 I AM DONE WITH THIS YOU ARE FREE OF HAVING TO SEE IT

Lena Oxton would never have another birthday, and this was an odd thing to think about. 

It was one thing, for Tracer, to know that she was dying--she had known that for what seemed like an age now--but quite another for her to know that there were some things she would never do again. The early ones, she hadn’t known, really. The last time she would get on her motorcycle. When she would last trust herself to fly. That final walk down the hall without help from anyone or anything. These lasts had come without announcing themselves, and so Tracer had not gotten the chance to savor them appropriately. It was a mistake she was trying not to repeat, as she felt the sand slip through the hourglass now. 

So it was comforting, in a way, to know that this would be her last birthday, even if it felt strange to admit. Tracer had resolved to drink in every instant of it. 

She’d told everyone that it was silly and a little wasteful to bring her gifts, given the reality of the situation, and really all she wanted was to be around her people and drink a beer or two, have a few laughs, and for no one to get too misty-eyed. There were a number of things about dying that Tracer didn’t particularly care for, but one topping the list was the way people mourned her before she was gone, when all she wanted to do was enjoy whatever she had left without sadness. There was no point, so she thought, in being so sad over the last bits of something lovely that you ruined it for yourself. It was rather like a child whimpering while eating the last squares of a chocolate bar. So the only gift she had asked for, was for no one to cry in her view, and on that they had delivered. 

But also, people had brought gifts. Nothing fancy, really, mostly soft pajamas and blankets, a nice lotion, a particularly plush backrest pillow she was already making use of, things that spoke to both the reality of the situation and the inability of the people who loved her to let it pass by without making the most of it. Her uncle had made her a coconut strawberry cream cake, and she’d even managed to eat some of it. Pharah had made sure to tell her she had better live long enough to use the thick flannel pajamas she’d bought, as she’d had her father send them from Canada. 

“Or you’ll do what, exactly?” Tracer had grinned as she said it, “Piss on me grave? Well, I’m being cremated, so even that’ll feel a bit ‘ollow, now won’t it?” 

Everyone had laughed, even Winston, who seemed to taking the whole thing rather hard, however much Tracer joked that he’d been taking care of her for the last ten years and really should enjoy his retirement. But mostly, it had been a good day for her, and if she was feeling a little misty herself, it was nothing but the idea that she was so deeply loved, and that not everyone got to experience that in their lives.

She was born under a lucky star, and the last year or so was only a bump in that road near the end of it, a bit like the jar before you leave the pavement. And even that was only her health, wasn’t it? 

Moira could take her life--and as happy as she was knowing Moira died never knowing how badly she had hurt Tracer, it did sting a bit to know that was how it would go down in the books--but Moira had never managed to take anything more dear to her. Her family. Her friends. The general sense that she was loved and cared for. Even her mind was sharp and busy as ever, which admittedly made her body’s disobedience a bit more annoying, but she was grateful to have her wits. People would remember her as herself. That was important. 

If anything, the relative frustration and pain of the last few months had made her feel all the more loved. Had showed that it must be true.

So nothing was all bad, really. 

Night had fallen over London, and as tired as she was, Tracer still could not bring herself to go to bed. Winston had asked gently if she was ready, and she had just shook her head and told him she wanted to stay up awhile. It was nice, this deck she and Winston had put together on the roof of the place. He’d doubted her, when she’d suggested the project, and wondered how he would ever possibly use it, and told her there was no need to put the work in. Sometimes Winston had to be talked into having nice things for himself. He probably would have approved the project so much earlier if he’d known how much time Tracer would spend up here. 

The smell of London filled her lungs. She should be more afraid of death, she supposed, but she could never quite let go of the idea that even when she was gone, she wouldn’t be. Not that she believed in an afterlife, really, but she also didn’t not believe in an afterlife, and she’d seen London built on its own ashes so many times, that she had to imagine that even when she was gone, the bombed out wall of what was left of her would be built around, become part of a Pret or a pub or even just a ruin where the pigeons nested. 

What was tough was knowing when the building needed to come down, which she hadn’t yet quite figured out for herself. It was one thing to be gone in an instant, a bomb dropped, a moment and then just the rubble. It was another to sway into disrepair, to try and pinpoint the day you had to tell those who had lived in your heart that there were homes elsewhere, and it was time to seek them. When the little joys of being were outweighed by the reality of decay. 

“Lena?” 

The lightness she felt at hearing her name in that soft brogue was enough to tell her that day had not yet come, and she would keep on for awhile yet. Tracer thought she might live one hundred years, and never tire of hearing Emily’s voice. It was impossible. 

“It’s grown late. You’ll tire yourself.” A kiss on the top of her head, and then Emily sat down on the edge of the daybed where Tracer found herself spending much of her time lately. 

Tracer chuckled. “Too late. Doesn’t take much anymore, it’s just,” she shook her head, “a bit aggravating, right? There’s so much I’d like to do in a day, not that I can do much of it anyway, but I’d like to at least imagine it. I get frustrated so--” 

Emily nodded kindly as she rubbed Tracer’s shoulder, tight with the constancy of spasms that ran through it, but as Tracer’s eyes flicked upwards, she saw the tears on the edge of Emily’s eyes. Not the time to talk about it. Never seemed to be.

Emily would miss her, and there was no real getting around that, no matter how she tried. Tracer had already spent plenty of time writing and rewriting a letter to be published when she was gone, Pharah sitting alongside her on her small laptop, to try and let Emily know in the most public way that she’d like her to move on, and wasn’t only saying it, that she meant it, nagging over the words until Pharah had offered to remove the burden of waiting for death from her. 

Pharah joked like that, more than most, because Pharah was kind, in her way, and knew Tracer needed someone to be able to joke with. It was a favor to her. When Tracer had told her, she had asked to be treated the same as ever, and to Pharah’s eternal credit, she came very close. 

“Never mind me.” she grinned “Tired and rambling, right? It was a wonderful birthday, Em. Marvelous, really. Been thinking back on me birthdays---I’ve been so lucky. I am so lucky. Thank you, for everything you’ve done, for it.” 

She was tired, and her body jerked and shook, but she was still, in this moment, the master of a failing plane, and managed to but her hand on Emily’s leg. Emily curled up next to her and rested her head on Tracer’s shoulder, letting out a little sniffle as she drew her arm around her.

“It’s not fair for you.” 

“Me?” Tracer kissed her forehead “Oh, none of that now. Not for me. What’s fair, any’ow? Should ‘ave been killed a thousand times over, love, but I wasn’t, Was I? Plenty were,” she muttered, half to herself, “And I noone in whole of me life ‘as ever wanted to ‘ear it but I’ve ‘ad the sense for years that I wasn’t precisely meant to get me pension. Call it a self-fulfilling prophecy if you like but I--really, who it isn’t fair to is you. Life’s been more than fair to me.” 

Emily said nothing, but wiped her eyes and took Tracer’s hand in hers. 

“I mean really, think about it. Not a bad life at all, on balance. Pilot. Top Flight Instructor. Commander. Bloody ‘ero of London. I lived more in thirty-six years than most people would if they ‘ad twice the time. So it’s all right. I made it all count. Course I want more, but, I do tend to rush through things, don’t I? Just me way, don’t stop to admire the view much. Some people are like that, like fireworks, or, oh I don’t know, a stick of gum. And,and at the fag end of it all, I get to be in London, taken care of instead of sent away, when by rights I should have been shot down, or shot through, or lost forever. To be sitting on a London roof in a pile of pillows? Not precisely the gulag, love, and I won’t be greedy. Em, look at me, please.” 

Emily sat up and looked at her, and Tracer squeezed her hand. 

“I lived long enough to find you, and to love you.That’s all that matters. I ‘ave led a bloody charmed life. I ‘ave. Truly. I could not possibly ask for more.” she grinned, “That’s a lie actually,  would ‘ave loved to get all the way through to the King so as I could watch his bloody face when I refused the knighthood publicly, but,” she chuckled, “We can’t ‘ave everything.” 

Emily gave a little chuckle and shook her head. “You’re awful, Lena. Happy Birthday. My prince charming.” 

“And it really was, Em. It is! What do you say,” she winced as she tried to sit up a little, her body jerking her back against the back of the daybed, until Emily balanced her, “What do you say, we ‘ave Win come up with that last bottle of champagne? Toast to ourselves till midnight? Just the three of us?” 

Emily nodded, the teeth poking thought on her smile. 

“That’s what I’d like to see, tonight. Thank you love. Just us three, and your smile.” 

The clouds and fog and too much light of London parted for a moment, just a few stars peeking through the grey and haze. They sparkled down on Tracer, who sparkled back a bit, the diamonds of the natural world. Bright against the night. 

Bit of light in everything.

[diyeoracha]

fanfic recommendations

for @kittensocute bc i heard “atsukita” and “iwaoi” in reference to fanfiction and i am There

i took your “i love slow burn or slow build fics... so i like relatively shorter burn fics (20-30k). If its a 10k oneshot slow burn hELL SIGN ME UP” and absolutely ran with it.

i listed my fav iwaoi fics (17) with a longer word count (longest is 80k) that are all mostly either canon compliant or divergent with only two straight up AUs. none of them feature heavy nsfw content and most if not all are tagged as friends to lovers lmao. feel free to read the my thoughts or just go into them blind!! and they’re all in order of how much I absolutely adore them :^)

now atsukita is not a big ship *sobs* but here are some of my favorite fics (7) of them! a lot of them are shorter bc i guess that’s just. what happens when it’s a small ship LOL. 

the formatting in this is fucked if you open it from ur dash but if it’s on my actual blog it should be fine!

Iwaoi

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle

Word count: 66k

thoughts: my absolute absolute absolute favorite iwaoi fic. the characterization, the fact that oikawa’s a bastard but because he and iwaizumi are older (late 20s i believe), it feels more realistic and sad rather than oikawa being a bitch for the sake of it. spoiler alert it’s slow burn and pining and mostly oikawa not realizing his feelings. this world building is pretty cool bc iwaizumi is the professional player while oikawa is an entomology professor! also i love non-linear narratives bc of This fic. there’s mutual pining in this fic but it’s really really really subtle to the point where you dont even know if oikawa likes iwa. this made me cry like twice.

sunset towns

Word count: 33k

Summary: In the summer of 2020, Oikawa Tooru returns home from his first successful stint as captain of Japan’s national volleyball team. In one hand, he holds the undisputed weight of an Olympic medal, and in the other, his unresolved feelings for a childhood best friend.

thoughts: the tone in this is So similar to the courtship ritual that I liken this as an alternate story even though it’s still oikawa’s pov. professional player oikawa and regular guy iwaizumi and oikawa is just. bumming around at iwaizumi’s place and naturally he messes up but things happen.

told before and told again

word count: 4k

thoughts: i looked through literally all the tags i could’ve thought of for this and nearly cried when i found it agian. outsider POV!!

In damp earth my body

Word count: 15k

Summary: Onscreen, the nation’s favorite setter has arranged himself so that he’s bowing, forehead pressed to the court, like he’s thanking everyone for their kindness thus far, like he’s asking for forgiveness. Hajime thinks: shit, it’s really happening

thoughts: oikawa retires and moves in with iwaizumi and they blur the line between roommates/best friends and being fwb. this is an iwaizumi pov and the pining is obvious on his end. as a iwa stan the tone made me feel weird bc it makes it seem like iwa cares more abt oikawa than he cares abt himself but. its a good fic

i grew up, you grew down

word count: 19k

thoughts: this is also SO funny bc basically oikawa retires and moves in with iwaizumi and becomes his stay at home wife and a bunch of shit happens like people think that oikawa is dating ushijima and oikawa basically loses it every time. here’s one of my favorite quotes:

“Oikawa also bought a new ultra-strength vacuum cleaner he’d decided to name Ushiwaka out of sheer spite, because it sucked all the air right out of the room. Iwa-chan didn’t think the joke was that funny when Tooru told him, which was frankly very hurtful and insensitive.”

Mint

Word count: 19k

thoughts: iwaizumi is moving and oikawa planned a perfect last hangout and it goes to shit featuring matsuhana. oikawa pov where he pines more than iwa which is something i can get behind!! and this was written in 2015 and iwa’s moving bc of a sports medicine program so iwaizumi stans know and love him sm ;;

Almost a Stranger

Word count: 16k

thoughts: same premise as mint LOL except they’re on a trip together and there’s more non-linear narrative!! this one is a little more mature in tone than mint i would say (funny how people just like splitting them up and throwing them in different countries huh)

with every second that you could give

Word count: 9k

Summary: The journey of Iwaizumi and Oikawa going for gold.

Quote: He knows they’re too close. Iwaizumi knows it too, and they both decided to move in together anyway.

thoughts: iwaoi roommates and they’re both obviously and really pine-y for each other and everyone sees it but them. srsly. they’re sleeping in the same bed. like my god

Lost in Translation

Word count: 9k

Summary: Because misfortune come in threes, Iwaizumi Hajime starts his Thursday having a screaming fight with Shittykawa, spends his lunch break listening to the UCI women’s volleyball team gossiping about how Ushijima Wakatoshi had gone public about his longtime love affair with Oikawa Tooru, and closes out the day by drunkenly dropping his phone into a sewer grate.

thoughts: so funny. so sososoosso genuinely funny. the tone is so snappy and iwaizumi honestly just sounds like a confused teenager (which he is in this) and it gets extra points for including a lot of american culture that a lot of the other iwaoi college au ones don’t include for like. obvious reasons lol.

Something Borrowed

Word count: 16k

Summary: In which Oikawa and Iwaizumi have always been a foregone conclusion to everyone else, but a massive, unanswered question to one another.

thoughts: iwaoi roommates thats abo but it’s like. mentioned twice. whiny and possessive oikawa makes an appearance in this but it’s done really well

things that change, things that stay the same

Word count: 8k

Summary: Oikawa realizes he’s in love with his best friend; it sucks for a while. (But only for a little while.)

thoughts: high school getting together!! my second iwaoi fic ever and this one is just. so sweet. just an unsure oikawa realizing iwaizumi might be more than someone he wants as a best friend. this fic is honestly really really lovely.

galaxies, within you

Word count: 21k

Summary: Hajime and Tooru move in together at the start of university. Too bad they’re stuck with the two gremlins that haunt their apartment.

thoughts: ok this fic was so funny. theyre uni roommates and matsuhana just come fuck shit up and they all act like idiots together even though they go to different schools. and this really throws me back to university days.

Thirty Years and Change (the Games of the XXXIII Olympiad)

Word count: 19k

thoughts: pro! oikawa and iwaizumi haven’t been close for a while until oikawa invites iwaizumi to go to the games with him. there’s a lot of frustration and pining and actually talking about feelings (aka iwaizumi losing his mind and getting advice from people like akaashi)

when it starts to rain, they go inside

Word count: 33k

Summary: “Where?” starts Iwaizumi.“ My parent’s old lakehouse, silly, didn’t you hear me the first time?” OR: Oikawa takes Iwaizumi to his lakehouse for two weeks, post-graduation.

thoughts: this was actually my first iwaoi fic which is funny bc the author doesn’t even like oikawa much and i didnt even ship anything in haikyuu before i read this fic and now im in iwaoi hell. oikawa is really frustrating in this in that it’s basically a really good character analysis on how oikawa comes off as a Mean person all the time bc he’s manipulative and there’s some explicit content

shiver

Word count: 16k

Summary: Oikawa was always the brave one. Hajime just followed two paces behind.

thoughts: iwaoi roommates with oikawa admitting his feelings first back when they were in middle school and iwaizumi putting that thought on the backburner until. obviously. things happen.

Desperado

word count: 80k

thoughts: one of my favorite aus. it’s all from kyoutani’s perspective and it’s almost so au that they’re original characters (if that makes sense). basically iwaoi matsuhana are ex-grifters except iwaoi are estranged and daishou somehow brings everyone back together. excellent world building and reading the pov from someone not involved with the iwaoi drama was refreshing

sing with me a song of conquest and fate

word count: 26k

thoughts: a mythical kings au that’s just. so pretty. iwaizumi ends up becoming oikawa’s servant for some reason and the world building is a+ because you can feel the trust and frustration from both of them build

Atsukita

dreams of me and you

word count: 10k (incomplete)

my second atsukita fic that rly sent me down atskt hell ;; what is essentially post-break up when atsumu gets signed to msby and he’s just Pining and sad for the most part. but the established relationship pre-break up was written really nicely because it just fits my hc of them just being domestic and atsumu being blatantly head over heels

take me home

word count: 4k

i read this this morning and it wrecked me. domestic relationship atsukita?? sign me up

No time like the rest of my life

word count: 19k

mythology au with kita as a regular person and rest of inarizaki as fox spirits! it’s cute and the world building is absolutely lovely but it is an au so they might seem ooc but their core character values are still there

wild blue yonder

word count: 6k

literally full of similes and metaphors and it’s more of an abstract read i guess? but it’s so beautiful and soft and this is exactly how i imagine their relationship

reap and sow

word count: 8k

atsumu confesses and kita ignores him and it’s a couple years after the fact and it’s mostly just weirdly domestic almost roommate like except for the fact that atsumu makes it clear he likes kita LOL. they’re really in character for this!

weightless souls

word count: 2k

pillow talk before atsumu’s first game! the atsumu pov and voice is amazing

if we were both alone

word count: 7k

now this was actually my first atskt fic that sent me down this rare pair hell. it’s an explicit chat fic (both tropes i usually try to avoid) but atsumu types like me (except for the nsfw parts alksfjd) so i guess i like. feel appreciation LMAO.

if you do read like any of these fics pls let me know so we can discuss

♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡

[oh-for-fic-sake]

The Home Coming

Masterlist

When Henry returns to a depressed pregnant wife its his mission to get his girls back to normal, even if it means a showdown with a new mother at the Paige’s preschool.

Warnings: Swearing, Fluff, Angst, Anxiety and Self esteem issues

A/N: so here is another House to home chapter! wanted this to be a sweet romantic chapter to a point not entierly sure about it but its finished so I hope you all enjoy

Taglist: @two-unbeatable-beaters​ @thatgirly81​ @angelofthorr @iloveyouyen​ @sofiebstar​ @thefangirlsblog​

Henry sighed as the phone rang, he was trying to videocall you but you hadn't answered. He was going to surprise you, filming had over run and he'd been held back an extra two weeks but was currently by the side of your house hiding around the drive he was going to call you and do the whole 'look outside' thing but was loosing hope fast that you would answer. Then suddenly he was greeted with Paiges face holding the phone awkwardly as all children seemed to do.

"Hey poppet! What are you doing with Mummys phone?" She smiled and squealed at him.

"DADDYYY! HI DADDY!" He chuckled watching the way she moved clumsily through the house catching glimpses of kal as he followed her as she went up the stairs, his heart jumped as she moved fast and unsteady tipping this way and that.

"Hey! hey no running! You'll fall! That's it baby, good girl now what have you been doing today then little lady?" She grinned angling the phone to her face where he got a clear view up her nose.

"I went- I went to school! And then we did painting and did our letters and numbers and I got another star on my chart! Then I've been cheering up Mummy...When are you gonna come home Daddy? Shes sad and I think you can make her better..." Henry frowned you were all smiles when he phoned and face timed whats changed?.

"Paige what? Shes sad? Why baby? whats-how do you know Mummy is sad?" She hummed stopping finally holding the phone correctly he could tell she had just sat on the top step of the staircase as kal moved sitting beside her nudging her for a hug. She slung her little arm around his back making him pant happily.

"Well she just is....She stays in her pajamas most of the time and she is sad she cries sometimes..She doesn't think I hear her but I do...And she misses you, she cries in the bathroom and gets angry cos she can't have a bath" Henry frowned that the way Paige had said it, almost like its been happening for a while. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Its since the mean lady" Henry blinked confused.

"What lady? What happened to mummy baby?" Paige looked left and right then leaned into the phone

"The-theres a new girl at play school...Shes mean and she kicks and scratches people she keeps getting sent home cos shes bad! and her Mummy is the same...She-she called me and Mummy liars! And she said your not my real Daddy! And Mummy was bad for telling me you was!...Y-you are my real Daddy aren't you?" Henry was shocked to say the least! Just what the fuck has been going on he has never ever heard his little nugget ask something so fucking ridiculous!

"Of course I'm your real Daddy poppet! And don't you let anyone ever tell you otherwise little lady! What else has this nasty lady said?" Henry had to hold back as there was many swear words trying to creep into his outburst and he didn't need Paige to start repeating them.

"Well....Then she was really mean to Mummy calling her names! For a few while ,she said Mummy was fat and lazy and that if you were my Daddy you wont love her anymore when you come home... She was really mean and made Mummy sad....I told Mummy not to listen but she smiles and says she is okay...But she isn't...Patty is still nasty she said her Mummy said that you wasn't my Daddy cos Mummy doesn't have her ring on... " Henry took a moment your not wearing your ring? "Mummy doesn't wear her ring?" Paige hummed and tilted her head

"It's on a necklace..She was sad her fingers don't fit!" Ah, that makes sense your hands and feet swelt whilst you was pregnant with Paige...

Still Henry was shocked you would keep this from him,  he could hardly  believe what he was hearing. Why hadn't you said anything? Why was you letting this get to you? You were fucking amazing sexy and just drop dead gorgeous! And you wasn't fat you were pregnant ... which Henry found incredibly attractive anyway, he loved when you was pregnant, glowing carrying a piece of him inside you. It did things to him, he just loved how when people saw you they saw him to, they saw what he had done. Sure people knew what you'd done when they saw Paige but when you were pregnant it was...a piece of him was still there inside you growing.

He felt honoured that you'd allow him to do that, allowed him to get you pregnant, to undergo such a drastic bodily change. Sure women gain a little weight but he didn't care fuck if it bothered you once he gets the go ahead after the birth he will help you loose weight with giving you regular cardio bedroom style....Even if you didn't want to loose it you'd be undergoing some pretty strenuous cardio with him any way.

"Paige, thank you for telling me your a very good girl and I'm proud of you for helping her feel better but could you put your Mother on the phone please?" She looked up and sighed shaking her head.

"No Daddy, shes sleeping she tries not to but she can't help it! We was watching Paddington and she fell asleep....I was gon' get her fuzzy blankie" he watched as Paige got up moving but he called out to her sighing."No no your not carrying that down the stairs...Poppet come open the front door but be quiet don't wake your mother" she frowned but smiled moving down the steps slower than she had scaled them. Henry circled back to the front of the house waiting by the front door.

"Fuuckdge!-Hold the banisTER...Jesus...Your going to be the death of me child...God I hate watching you on the stairs nugget" she grinned as she made it to the last step then skipped to the door she heard a small sound from Henry ending the call and opened the door.

She jumped up at him happily giving him kisses as the tears started. He managed to slip into the house relatively quietly muffling Paige's sobs in his shoulder as he tucked one arm under her bottom a she moved reaching up to cuddle into his neck. He moved slowly sliding his suit case by the front door as he closed it, he rocked Paige shushing her trying to sooth her. His other hand was petting and excited Kal who was jumping up at him for his own cuddle.

"I know princess I know....Shh I've missed you to poppet, but I'm home now...That’s it.... Oh baby don't cry see? look daddy's back nugget and I've got a long time home now...Shh shhh good girl...You've been so good looking after Mummy and the baby for me huh?" She nodded whining into him still crying her heart out. He sighed kissing her head. 

Henry moved through the house seeing you crashed out on the sofa, he could see from here you wasn't yourself it was...Uou were his other half, his soulmate and even asleep he could just tell. He sighed looking down and kissed Paige's hair. He would leave you to sleep. Knowing just how tired you got around this time of the pregnancy, the months finally catching up with you and it was almost like your body tried to hibernate readying itself for the big day.

He moved around the sofa sitting in his armchair with Paige curled up on his chest. She sniffled a little fingers twisting into his blazer. He rocked slowly calming his little girl just watching you on the sofa wincing every now and then as you shifted. Our back must be playing up....And your breasts to by the way you held them protectively cupping the now huge mounds in your hands trying to ease their tenderness even in slumber. He sighed and slowly began to plan the night, he had to get you alone to talk, if what Paige said was true then you would be down and most likely have a panic attack or break down.

He knew the final term of pregnancy takes its toll on you physically and emotionally  and with this woman's cruel jabs you were probably down with low self esteem so he had to do something. Talk you through whatever silly notions  had been put in your head and then look after you...He would dote on you and Paige. A smile graced his face when he put together a plan.

"Hey poppet...Do you want to help Daddy with something?" She looked up head still on his chest, he moved wiping away stubborn tears.

"Wiv what Daddy?" He smiled at her then cast you a look, you really looked tired, not that he was surprised you were over eight months pregnant and still had to run around after Paige and kal alone. He cursed himself he would have given anything to be here for you but he had to work, provide for his growing family. He knew you didn't have anything against him working and you would never be angry over the long months apart. In that respect he was blessed not once had you ever used his absence against him even in the most bitter of disagreements, they were rare but they happened...Usually you were right and it ended up with him making it up to you in some overly cliché romantic way where you'd forgive him just to end the cheese fest.

"Well poppet I think I should use tonight to pamper my ladies...Do you know where Mummy’s nail varnish is?" Paige perked up giving one final sniffle and sat up

."Mummy’s nail varnish?... Can I have painted nails to?" Henry nodded at her tucking some loose curls behind her ears.

"Yes baby you can have painted toes to if you like!....I think Daddy has to make it up to his two special girls for being late. So I'm going to pamper the two of you....I will run Mummy a bubble bath and help her wash then I will paint your and Mummy’s toes and make some hot chocolate and we can make doggy pile in the den and watch a film...Does that sound good?" She smiled brightly

"And foot rubs Daddy?" He sighed and nodded

"Absolutely poppet! Now come on first things first lets look for some treats!" She smiled as he walked with her to the kitchen...he had an idea of what to do, a favorite of yours that he doesn't think you've had in years...Apple pie toasty and it was something Paige could help with...If you have the apples which you probably did for Paige's snacks.

"Aha! Here we go!" He sat Paige on the counter top and pulled a bag of apples from the fridge drawer where they kept longer he pulled out a medium pan and set it bedside Paige.

"Could you put a little bit a water in that baby girl?" She looked a little confused as Henry moved around the kitchen pulling out a chopping board apple corer and knife.

"Daddy? Mummy says you shouldn't cook....’member the soup...Shouldn't we go wake her and...Ask?" Henry rolled his eyes still moving about tipping out the small bag of apples

"Well baby the soup was...A one off”

"Daddy tomato soup's meant to be red...not brown"

"Yes...I know tha-”

"Did you though?" Henry eyed his child...Wow she really got sassy he raised a brow at her and a staring contest ensued... Henry lost his daughter was a force to be reckoned with at nearly four!! Fuck it was beginning to frighten him.

"As I was saying Missy-we are allowed to make these...Mummy’s favorite hot snack I used to make these for her all the time when we just started dating...And now I'm going to teach you pumpkin we are making special apple pie pockets! Now quickly I need some water in there just a little bit." Paige hummed and shrugged crawling the few inches swinging her legs into the deep butler sink and placed the pot under the tap filling about and inch or so.

"That enough daddy?" Henry moved peeking over and smiled.

"That’s perfect poppet here no-No daddy will move it you will spill baby!" He quickly moved the pot by the chopping board and came back guiding Paige as she crawled over and plopped herself down between the pot and chopping board.

"Now baby girl can you put the sliced apple in the pot once daddy has done it?" She nodded enthusiastically watching as Henry made quick work of the apples

"Daddy whats that thing?" She asked she said pointing to the apple corer as she collected the apple slices and popped them in the water.

"This? Well here you want a go?...Hold it with daddy that’s it... see we put it over the stem of the apple and push really hard!...That’s it push push push there we go! Well done!" She smiled as she pulled back and the center of the apple came with it.

"And that’s how we get the core out now wait right there and daddy will quickly chop these up and we can start cooking!" She smiled kicking her feet as Henry made quick work of the apples Paige dutifully collected them she dropped a few slices here and there but Kal was quick to catch them mid fall making Paige giggle loudly and 'drop' a few more to Kal who was tap dancing for more.

"Hey poppet no more for Kal or you wont have any filling in yours, now we add sugar and Cinnamon" she smiled as Henry held out a table spook letting her add the dry ingredients before getting her down.

"Right now poppet go get Mummy’s nail varnishes...and the bottle of baby lotion...The pink bottle by the sink okay? can you do that for daddy?" she nodded and ran off making him call out for her to slow down. he moved the pot to the hob turning it on a low heat before moving to prepare the living room.

It took little sneaking but Henry smiled, he had gone all across the house with Paige's help collecting your favorite blankets and pillows piling them in the den where you had a larger tv with surround sound and got a film ready Tangled was decided for tonight....It was one of Paige's but he knew you liked it to and besides it was more about having one huge family cuddle then watching the film.

Finally Henry left the den walking to the back of the sofa to look at you still asleep good you looked like you needed it, he heard Paige’s foot steps quickly running out of the kitchen slapping the tiled floor

"Daddy? Daddy the apples!" oh fuck he quickly turned running to the kitchen collecting Paige by one arm hoisting her to his hip as he did they were just about to overflow he quickly slid it off the heat they must be ready by now.

"whoa! thank you poppet that could have been our snacks gone!" she peeked over the pot from on Henry's hip

"What do we do now Daddy?" he smiled and kissed her head

"To the apples or for the night?...Well the apples now have to cool so i am going to go draw a bubble bath and give you a bath and get your hair done then give mummy a bath to! then after we are going to sit and watch a flim while Daddy paints your nails and makes the toasties!" Paige smiled giggling looking forward to the night.

It didn't take long to draw the bath and wash Paige, she loved when Henry washed her hair nearly falling asleep as he spent al long as he could massaging her scalp, he actually had a hell of a job supporting her by the back of the neck as she lolled back and forth slipping around in the large tub. But he love this it was something he enjoyed since first bringing her home before long Paige was dry and wrapped up in her new fluffy onesie half asleep and playing in her room. Henry had cut up some fruit snacks and a babybell leaving Kal and Paige in her room to play with the promise of collecting her for movie night! Finally it came to you he took a moment to admire you then crouched next to you, he had covered you with a throw earlier. And thats how you woke.

You blinked bleary eyed feeling something was off and frowned. Then gasped quickly sitting up readying to hit and kick out at the man in front of you. Just as you did you blinked and realized it was your husband before you.

"Henry?! You-when did you? Oh god how long have I been asleep!?" You quickly moved to get up looking around frantically for Paige.  You winced holding your back. Fuck it hurt, not even just and ache it was a throbbing pull screaming with every movement.

Henry stood and moved his arms around you holding you still rubbing his heavy palms across your back soothing the ache. He moved closer pressing his face into your neck kissing you lightly then moved to whisper in your ear then tugged you close rocking slowly with you still massaging your tense back. He frowned he could feel the knots and hard muscles tensing and straining below his palms. A wave of guilt passed over him ,he should have been here! to help ease your pain! It was him who insisted on a second child and he felt as though he just abandoned you during the long months of uncomfortable pregnancy just to show up at the end and 'claim his prize' like a dead beat dad. Henry took a deep breath trying to push aside his guilt tonight was for you and Paige.

"Paige is fine, she's had her bath and is upstairs playing in her room with kal ready for bed, and you my absolute stunner of a wife have your own bath waiting~" you blinked as he pulled away and scooped you up with ease, he noticed to tense and struggle.

"No Henry put me down! I’m too big!" The words were out before you could stop them he stood still, hands gripping you tighter not willing to let you go.

"Babe even if you was pregnant with triplets, quintuplets! You my love will never ever be to big for a carry! Now come on, we are going to have a nice long chat about these new found thoughts whilst your in the bath!" You whined at the tone he sounded serious his deep voice almost scary. You cringed still trying to ease your weight off of him but he made quick work of scaling the stairs.

Once in the bathroom you were quickly deposited on the counter and Henry moved shutting the door then turned on you quickly drawing you into a deep needy kiss his tongue forcing his taste on your tongue as his hands roamed your swollen stomach caressing your unborn child then moved higher dragging your tshirt up over your stomach sighing when his hot palm met the skin of your stomach and he moved trailing kisses down the side of your neck leaving licks and nips along the way.

"H-Henry!...Hen-No stop we-you don't have to!". You pulled away gasping and whining trying to fight back the tears in your eyes so he wouldn't see just how far your self esteem had plummeted. He pulled back but you wouldn't meet his eyes and tried to shimmy off the counter, trying to use your huge stomach to push him back to slide own to your feet. He was having none of it you pressed forward and so did he meeting you in the middle, his strength jolted your knees apart and he stood between them and then closed them around his hips. You took a breath cringing knowing he must feel the extra padding on your soft thighs.

You twitched trying to pull back, to widen your legs so he wouldn't feel how fat you'd got but his huge hands held the outside of your legs keeping them clamped around him.

"I know I don't have to...But I want to! My fucking perfect woman! You are gorgeous how could I not want you?!" You squinted shaking your head at him..How? How could he? This was just that he felt obligated to kiss you and caress you in your state! He sighed and moved a hand to cup your chin.

"Love...Whatever she said is wrong...Yes I know...I face timed you and Paige answered you were asleep...I was hiding down the side of the house had a whole cheesy romeo and Juliet ensemble planned ...To beg for my queens forgiveness for being so late home...She told me everything." You sighed shaking your head that little girl really was to smart for her own good!

"H-henry you can't-I'm fat look at me?! I-I'm fat and hairy and just UGH! And I've got a shit load of new stretch marks and I...I've gained a lot of extra weight and my boobs are all veiny and ugly please stop lying to me- I know what your looking at! I see this fucking thing in the mirror each day!" Henry tugged your tshirt completely off grabbing our hips and dragged you forward forcing his erection to grind against you and dragged his teeth across your neck,  you jumped as he growled low into the flesh trapped in his jaws latching his hot mouth onto the throbbing vein below before sucking harshly, locking his teeth into the sensitive flesh. You whined trying to pull away he moved closer determined to devoure you, wanting to leave his mark across your skin he parted with soothing licks before groaning pleased with the dark mark forming on the sweet skin.

"GOOD! then you know how gorgeous and sexy and soft and glowing and scrumptious you look! My god woman your fucking perfection! A goddess who somehow I managed to trick into marrying me....Fuck your pregnant and healthy and sexy and mine! Mine!. My lover, best friend, soulmate ,better half .Mother to my children and most of all my incredibly beautiful wife! God if only you knew how fucking stunning you was! I'm trying so hard not to fuck you right now! if I didn't think it would hurt our son I'd already be in your fucking tight little cunt!" You flushed at his words each chipping away at the cold lead ball in your chest.

"Just what happened anyway? what has this fucking bitch said?" you gasped it was rare for Henry to swear well since Paige anyway.

"Henry it doesn't-" you shook your head trying to turn away from him but he was faster cupping. Both sides of your face drawing your gaze back to him he leaned in kissing you tenderly before pulling back resting his forehead to yours. His eyes ablaze, a swirling mix of anger ,love, desire but mostly worry.  He was worried for you anxious and rearing to go ready to fight away all your fears and doubts.

"Don't give me that shit woman! your sitting here shying away from me! the last time you did that was on our first night together! what ever happened has got to you, got to Paige and I'm not going to fucking stand here and let it eat away at you! Now tell me what happened...I can't fix it if I don't know love" you wavered he was right but ...Was retelling what happened really going to help? or would he just get angry? You hated to admit it but you found this pregnancy hard, things were different and you'd put on a few more pounds then you had with Paige and it was noticeable. you took a deep breath will he think your stupid? over reacting? you sighed recounting just this had all started.

You were self conscious and had managed to ignore it until...Yes until the woman at the nursery made a few comments a new woman-Abbey just enrolled her gremlin....and it was a gremlin! a nasty little girl Patty the same age as Paige who has already made her self the terror of the group being sent home three times in her first week for being mean and fighting the typical scratching biting toddler but more she was nearly four years old and already a bully but it wasn't really her fault she was just spoilt. Lets just say if Paige ever spoke to you the way this child spoke to her mother she'd be on the naughty step with a sore ass. But this woman was all smiles at first not really your cup of tea but you played nice being polite and friendly, you was an adult...Then she found out who you was. Paige had come around to the idea that her dad was superman after seeing him on some billboards and the tv adverts and suddenly just like that she switched sides and was team superman much to Henry's joy!

But it had caused a problem at the preschool. It was show and tell and Paige had went in wearing her supergirl tshirt and took a magazine with a double page spread on Henry's new film and told everyone that her daddy was superman, all of the children who had seen Henry at the nursery had gotten excited. The new girl had upset her calling her a liar and tore the book shouting the words 'He isn't really your daddy!'. That had really stuck with Paige and she had come out bawling her eyes out asking who her daddy was. You were fucking livid when her teacher came over and explained. Enter the little gremlins mother slinking up with a smirk.

"I'm sorry about Patty but she has a thing about liars she can't help herself" you blinked not believing what this bitch just said. You laughed and her face dropped.

"Excuse me?...My daughter isn't lying... That’s her father" she laughed condescending smoothing her brats pigtails.

"Yes I'm sure you've told her that! We single mothers have to tell them something about their daddies who skipped out on them, but superman is to far don't you think? Shes made a fool of herself in front of the class and will be teased for lying" you looked to Micah’s mother Fran who you were now close with and gaped. Fran shrugged

"I'm not a single mother" the woman snorted

"Well there’s no ring~"

"I’m pregnant it doesn't fit at the moment but I'm wearing it here" she had jeered at you as you pointed to the ring dangling from your necklace.

"Sorry if I don’t buy that...There’s nothing to be ashamed of I’m a single mother to but really lying to your own daughter very bad parenting don't you think?" You could have floored this cunt! You were seriously contemplating it. Fran stepped in to save the day...well save the woman from bitch slap galore!

"She's not a single mother and that is her husband...And I think as a new comer you should calm yourself down!a you and your daughter have been nothing but rude and out of line!" the woman scoffed at her then looked around.

"Excuse me! We have been nothing but fucking pleasant to you stuck up lot of ass wipes! My baby is a strong willed child and will grow up to be a strong minded self made women! and I apologize if I don't believe that a man like that would look twice at this fatty seriously pregnancy isn't a reason to let yourself go! Honestly why would anyone bother with her and take on someone else's kid...She really has you fooled?" Fran gasped

"Not fooled! We know because he is always here picking up Paige... and she isn't fat shes pregnant with his second! Maybe you should go and do some fucking homework before coming here and running your mouth! And teach your brat some manners whilst your at it!"

And that was all it took, the nasty woman had gone online and found photos and interviews, mainly one recent Ellen DeGeneres show that Paige gate crashed and from then on the woman had a grudge against you. Apparently her husband left her and signed away his parental rights away leaving her a bitter single mother and she had tried making friends with you because you never showed up with a man and had no ring leaving her to think you were a man hating single pringle yourself!. Not fucking likely! She became nasty and over the last two months her snide comments had chipped away at you. You knew it was some stupid playground bullshit, just a woman who never grew out of secondary school drama! But it had got to you.

Henry brought you out of your thoughts, you'd played the scenario over and over sometimes thinking of ways you could have changed the outcome, other times you were thinking of snippy comebacks and insults. Everything was to late though.

"Please love?...I know it has something to do with the new little girl at preschool, Paige has already asked me if I’m her real Father or not...So know what ever has happened was big" you looked at him shocked would he think you said something? put that in her head you panicked grabbing his hands praying he would listen before popping off at you.

"H-Henry I swear I didn't say anything! she- Abbey and her daughter have just had it in for us! Paige she took in a magazine- a superman vs batman ad....She was showing you off to her class she was so happy so so excited to let everyone know that you were superman!" Henry nodded now knowing that he was getting the full story.

"Yes I remember you saying she was doing that- but what happened? how did that turn into all this?" you swallowed recounting the first incident.

"Patty-The new girl is a bully-”

"Yes Paige said she kicks and scratches...Being sent home to?"

"Yeah shes a nasty little girl...Well Patty has never seen you before at nursery so..She called Paige a liar and got into two and eight with her...She said you wasn't her real Daddy...Then after school Miss Bou had to have a word with Abbey about Patty's behavior...Abbey took it wrong and accused me of lying to Paige about her Father and called me a bunch of names, Fran stepped in and snapped at her...Apparently cos I didn't have my ring on my finger Abbey though I was a single mother like her and got angry when-"

"When it turns out your not and are married to me?" you nodded cringing as you replayed the first incident in your head.

"Yeah...She continued telling Patty that Paige doesn't have a daddy and obviously kids talk..Paige got so upset I did sit her down and talk with her but it was...She needed to hear it from you I think" Henry nodded lips in a firm line

"Well she has, I will sit her down and have a more in depth talk......I'm fucking livid though...Not at you and don't you think that for a second, I'm angry that Paige is already dealing with this shit! and that you had to deal with it alone...I should have been here for you-"

"NO! no don't do that Henry it wouldn't have made a blind bit of difference...This? I would have brushed it off if it hadn't been the pregnancy hormones...But I'm fine your fine we are all okay-" Henry looked down and  pressed his hands to your stomach.

"Shh...I know...I know love I just wish you had told me! But you didn't want to worry me...I can understand that but I’m home now and tomorrow I will take care of it! But for now lets just relax and have a nice calm night hmm?" You took a deep breath feeling the tears well nodding.

You sighed looking down shit...your tits had fucking leaked again! That was the last straw, the flood gates opened you leaned to catch your face in your palms but Henry was quicker moving forward slipping his shoulder below your head letting you cry. "Oh honey whats wrong? Please we are fine, its okay whats? Oh-" you whined moving your hands to your boobs trying to hide the milk that was dripping adding to the wet patch on your shitty worn maternity bra.

"They- they wont stop oh god you must think this is gross!" Henry pulled back tutting shaking his head with a grin.

"Gross? The fact that your getting ready to feed our child? No love" he moved to unclip your bra taking it off he moved quickly to support your huge heavy breasts. You hissed as your breasts moved they were full and aching. Henry watched fascinated as your nipples leaked the tiny drops."Their sore huh?" You nodded whining as he lightly ran the pads of his thumbs over the nipples plucking them lightly encouraging them to release more making you weep in embarrassment.

"Well lets go time for a bath!"

Henry was still angry, at this woman for getting to you, at you for letting her words get to you but mostly he was angry at himself for not being here for his wife!. He made vows better or for worse! He had broke them plain and simple admittedly he had been working but you had needed him and he wasn't here he had been none the wiser. He hadn't been there to help you take care of yourself when you struggled to and that would eat away at him for a long time. But he had to push that aside you were still fragile your crying began to pick up again though whether it was from pain shame sadness or relief he couldn't tell. You cried into him not the pretty movie star pretty tears, the full on frustrated painful broken sobs that mad your face ache!

"I'm sor-rry I just..It's hard!...I-I know I'm b-bigger than last time...And then she said a-all those things and Paige was u-up-set and she started w-worrying...Then I c-could-dnt shave and the stretch ma-marks got worse and my back hurt so-o I stopped running and-and now I'm fat and ugly and I want this baby out! It hurts he is so heavy and I-I can't sleep or move or do anything! I just sit and eat! And you w-wont want me anymore! I c-can't do this any-anymore! And wh-when you finally come ho-home I’m fucking squirting milk all over you!" You broke down explaining through heartbreaking sobs and he just held you tight rubbing your back in slow circles.

"Don't be silly my love! Of course I want you! I love you! And I'm here now to fix everything I promise... come on my beautiful wife I hate seeing you like this! And don't worry about the milk it happens! I don't mind love shh shh....Come on come here... Here lets get you in here, have a nice long soak off with all this" he moved around you skillfully removing your leggings leaving butterfly kisses across your skin making you smile

"Please y/n I love you don't ever ever question that...you are everything to me! You complete me and have given me an incredible little girl a beautiful home and now this... A little boy of my own, you make each day worth waking up for, you have brightened up my whole life! And gave me my dream of having a family...I love you and nothing will ever change that, don't let some woman s jealousy hang over you" you smiled sheepishly his sweet words ,meant so much to you his sincerity and conviction was enough to snap you out of your funk.

"Oh? Is that a smile? Oh I think it is~ oh my! Don’t tell me that Henry struck again with his boyish charm?" You giggled at him but then without wasting time he hoisted you into the steaming water...you sighed and cringed as you leaned back expecting Henry to leave but he didn't.

Instead he moved to the side collecting your razor and shaving cream placing them on the counter by the sink then moved dipping a flannel into the hot water then wrung it out placing it on your aching breasts you sighed as the milk flowed free faster releasing the pressure.

"Thank you love that’s better already, I will call you to help me out-Henry? what are you-" you were confused when he turned around grabbing a few more things he peeked over his shoulder and wriggled his eyebrows at you

"Shh love~" he scolded then returned with a sugar honey bodyscrub and exfoliating mittens you chuckled as he snapped on the bright pink cheap mittens

"Now my love if you would just bend over and take a deep breath~" you laughed at him splashing some water at him.

"Henry?! you tit! don't make me laugh it hurts my back!" He rolled his eyes and freezes before quickly shrugging off his blazer and shirt staying there topless.

"Naked man servant enough for tonight?...Seeing as I probably shouldn't fuck you senseless~" You smiled shyly and peeked down at him licking your lips.

"Not sure your not naked yet" he smirked

"You naughty little minx!" he gasped before and made a show of slowly undoing his belt giving a seductive hip shimmy making you laugh out loud Henry trying to give a strip tease in bright pink exfoliating gloves was priceless. You flushed when finally he did a arms and legs spread tada! motion As he dropped his boxers and did a comical spin poseing his 'guns' for you like some fucking cheesy swimsuit model.

"Oh my god! Henry!?" He looked down and shrugged seeing his cock standing up right at the sight of you.

"What? Told you you were sexy I can't help it? I'm like a dog with a bone...Or should I say man with a boner?" You snorted at him falling into peels of laughter slipping lower into the water. He moved closer kneeling next to the tub and leaned over following your face peppering you with kisses you squirmed still giggling he just lowered his hands into the tub and held the back of your head holding you still sucking on your neck lathering you with soothing licks from his hot tongue.

"God I love you! your perfect and leave this woman to me~ I will set her straight myself, prove to everyone just how much I fucking crave you my perfect little wife!" you whined at him as he pressed froward capturing your lips in a heated kiss devouring you wholey making you finally melt into him, he smiled feeling you relax into his kiss feeling more relived now.

He pulled back and smirked as you blushed a dark red and gave him another chaste kiss feeling very silly abut your fears.

"Thank you love...I'm sorry I should have spoken to you earlier but ...I didn't want you to rush home and...Your work is important and I don't want to....You know" he nodded pressing his forehead to yours looking straight into your eyes.

"Zack would have understood that you needed me...but enough of that lets get you all clean and comfy! Paige and I have a nice night planned for the five of us" he said rubbing your bump that was peeking out of the water.

You smiled at him nodding and going to reach for the honey bodyscrub but Henry batted you away collecting it on his own glove covered palm and rubbed it through coating his hands then dipped a hand below the water and tugged your leg out of the tub to rest on the rim. You squeaked as the movement made you lean back against the slanted tub, you watched with weary eyes as he pressed small sweet kisses on your embarrassingly hair leg making you squirm but the man had a tight grip on your ankle.

He moved quickly rubbing the scrub in slow deep circles on your tense calf you moaned as he pressed the knots out of your skin moving in an unhurried manor up over your knee making you giggle as he ran his fingers on the underneath. He worked up your leg making you relax and close your eyes sighing. His motions were hard and soothing like a deep tissue massage then he lowered your leg rinsing it in the warm water and pulled your other leg out repeating the same process spoiling you, lavishing you with soft kisses and praising you whispering how sorry he was for not being here and how he was going to make this all up to you. finally both legs were washed and felt like jelly, he moved hissing as he seated his bare ass on the side of the tub reaching over he collected your razor and shaving cream and made quick work of collecting your leg carefully lathering it in the foam then began to drag the razor across you.

You didn't flinch or protest, you were thank full for it you needed a shave but hadn't really been able to reach, you'd been desperate enough even considering asking Paige but.....No. You loved when he did this...There was something strangely romantic in him taking care of you like this, just knowing that he didn't find your body gross sent little flutters in your chest. You watched silently enjoying the attention as he dragged the blade across your skin in long swipes concentrating on each drag of the blade then flicked it in the water until finally your leg was less werewolf more human.

"Woohoo look no cuts! lets go two for two shall we?" He lowered your leg back into the water with one parting open mouthed kiss on your bent knee making you giggle as he bit at it softly licking the now clean soft flesh. Sure enough he was quick to shave your other leg, avoiding cutting you which made him very proud of himself then he quickly pulled you down the length of the tub and began a soothing full body wash that just ended up being a massage. You both laughed as your son kicked out as his fathers hands each time he rubbed across the bump and soon it was a game, your baby trying to catch Henry with a kick. Finally though you were finished or you thought you was Henry was adamant about washing your hair you gave in dipping your hair into the water and lying back letting him scrub away the tension in your scalp using the lavender shampoo to help with the relaxing theme of the night. by the time you were squeaky clean you were half asleep his hands were heaven sent; like the rest of the man.

You felt the best you had in months not grotty, hairy and there was no pain anywhere just calm and relaxed so much so that you couldn't really move.

"You jumping in love?" you said over a yawn he shook his head slipping on his boxers you noticed that his erection was slowly going down. You were to far along and 'adult' time could start the labor...And as much as you couldn't wait for your baby boy to be here you wasn't going to risk anything, as far as you were concerned he could stay in your belly as long as he wanted just so long as he was a healthy baby on arrival.

Henry laughed as he carried you to your bed room patting you dry before wrangling you into your most comfortable fussy pajamas. you smiled at him lounging on the bed as he through on a t-shirt and bottoms of his own then helped you up knocking on Paige's room as you both walked past to go downstairs.

"Come on poppet! time for movie night!...Yes you to kal!" you smiled as Paige ran up to you hugging you tight and kissing your bump

"Are you better mummy?" you nodded to her

"Yes baby much better now...Daddy has taken care of me...But whats this about movie night? are we having snacks?"Paige smiled holding your hand and leaned back on her heels swinging happily.

"We-erm we got the apples!" Henry shushed her and quickly

"shh! that’s a surprise Paige-y" she quickly giggled as Henry hook an arm around her tummy picking her up and tickling her as he carried her down the stairs. You couldn't help the wide grin across your face. Who'd of thought just having a soothing bath and being taken care of by your man you'd snap out of your low mood. You followed as Henry directed you both into the den that was ready for a family movie night blankets and pillows galore almost like a huge slumber party. With in moments you and Paige were being treated to foot massages.

It was more comical then anything as Paige had never had a foot rub before and she was ticklish ,she caught Henry unawares and nearly took out his front teeth with a swift uncontrollable kick. He had retorted by quickly twisted around sitting on her legs and mercilessly tickled her feet until she was screaming and laughing you joined in blowing raspberries on her neck being careful of flailing limbs. She soon began whining and crying through her giggles and you both let up on her. she laid down picking through your nail varnish colours still wanting her her toes painted even thought she didn't want anyone to touch her feet...Which was going to be easy.

Henry flipped on the dvd to keep Paige occupied whilst  you on the other hand had the task of painting the giggling child's toenails a bright aqua blue with tiny metallic pieces. Thankfully though years of painting your own nails meant you had it done in under five minuets.

"Now Paige be careful they won't be dry until the end of the film okay poppet?" She nodded smiling wriggling her little toes. With Paige finally settled you could lay back and relax. Henry got to work digging his skilled fingers into the soles of your feet rubbing away months of tension you moaned and flopped back into the mountain of pillows this was heaven you could get used to this. Henry watched the tv with Paige still working on the soles of your feet adding more baby lotion every now and then just as you were falling back to sleep Paige piped up she was hungry yawning she scratched her head and crawled onto your legs moving to press the side of her face on your belly wiping her eyes after her bath and tickles she was a very tired little nugget.

"Daddy...Daddy I'm hungry when can we have apples?" Henry smiled at her leaning over to kiss her head

"I will got do it now....You wanna stay here with Mummy?" she looked drowsely from him to you and nodded letting her head fall again onto your tummy. You smiled and ran your fingers through her hair, once Henry left Kal was quick to steal his warm spot lying with his spine against your legs head resting on your crossed feet. you moved bundling up Paige putting a pillow under her hips so she wasn't so twisted up and watched the tv. after some cursing and crashes and one broken plate later Henry returned holding the three plates high so you couldn't see what he had made.

"Paige? Paige come on snack time nugget" at the word snack the toddler was up and at'em hands held out high for food. You giggled then gasped when you saw what he had been slaving away over.

"OH?! Henry I-you haven't done these for years!" he smiled smugly.

"I know...Paige helped me so they might be sweeter this time...she added to much cinnamon so we had to add more sugar to didn't we nugget?" she hummed not really listening picking up the sugar sprinkled toasty to take a big bite. you went to stop her not wanting her to burn her mouth but Henry stopped you.

"Love, its cool I did hers first and opened it to let out the steam...That nice poppet?" she grinned nodding swallowing her mouthful.

"I like it daddy...like 'donalds apple pie...Mummy can Daddy cook now...Daddy does sweets!" you chuckled "We will see he might have to when the baby is here" she smiled cutely then looked to the tv again munching on her toasty

"Henry...What did you mean? Earlier? about Abbey?" he just grinned and winked

"Like I said babe leave it with me...I won't be nasty I promise...I just gonna set her straight, tell her if it carries on I’m getting the police involved”

"The police-Henry no-” you began to protest but he held up his hand a stern look

"Its harassment! I’m not letting her get away with it....look I'm just gonna tell her to stay away if she doesn't then I'm taking things further...Just don't worry I'm here now trust me?" you gulped you knew there wasn't really anything you could do but it unnerved you he must have been so angry when Paige told him.

"I do...I just I don't want anything to get worse remember she will still be here when your away" he rolled his eyes and quickly moved in giving you a kiss on your cheek

"Babe with the way her kids going I doubt she will be here by the end of term" you sighed and nodded you couldn't argue that then dropped the topic and snuggled back in with kal between you feeding the bear some apple he had put at the side of his plate.

You quickly found yourself stretched out on the floor, Henry beside you with Paige laying across the both of you. She had eaten her toasty and crawled over you and flopped, facing the tv nibbling the tip of her thumb head on Henry's chest, tummy over kal and legs sprawled out over your lap. It was when you heard her soft snores you both decided it was time for bed,  Henry scooped up and tucked her in at you went to bed you where just drifting to sleep when Henry snuggled up behind you holding you tightly littering kisses to the back of your neck.

"I really do love you y/n I hope you know that" you hummed turning your head to him blinking tiredly.

"Yes I know...I love you to it...All this was just hormones I'm a weepy pregnant woman about to pop...So you gotta bare with me okay?" He smiled kissing your cheek  sweetly.

"A tired pregnant woman more like come on sleep we both need it love" and that’s what you did getting the best nights sleep in a long time.

The next morning you awoke to Henry placing a hot cup of coffee and then moving to your wardrobe pulling out your favorite knit jumper and maternity leggings.

"Come on love we have half an hour!" You sat up surprised to find no backache at all making you smile then you registered what he had said and scrambled throwing your legs over the side of the bed.

"What?! Oh fuck! Paige! is she up? Shit-" Henry moved handing you your coffee

"She is up and ready...Well she wants plaits and I can't I’m all thumbs so you have todo her hair but she is dressed fed and watered, her lunch is done and her bag ready!" You smiled at him

"Well look at you a domesticated kryptonian, you house trained to?~" he flushed and moved to tickle you stopping when you held up the steaming coffee

"Yeah yeah just you wait~.Well I'm going to go make sure Paige is playing nicely see you in fifteen? " you smiled nodding to him.

By the time you came downstairs you had about ten minuets to get going. Henry was busying himself around the house, just doing a general tidy up collecting Paige's toys that had been strewn across the kitchen and living room. You took a second to appreciate him, he had been so sweet only being home for..well not even a day and he had already brought the house back into order, he had taken care of you and Paige spoilt the both of you eased your silly fears and had your daughter ready for school before you were even out of bed...The man needs a medal...Or blowy or two now that you can do!

"Mummy! Mummy can I have braids? Daddy tried he can't he pulls and knots it!" You chuckled when she ran up to you holding her little box pf hair clips and ties. You nodded seeing Henry attempt being a loose....Is that a braid? Honestly your not sure what to call it but it was scruffy and bad and it would be a god send if you could get it out! you giggled and looked to a red faced Henry who had folded his arms watching embarrassed at the state he had left his little pumpkins hair in.

"What? I-I tried okay?"

"That you did and it was a valiant attempt...But seriously you need to get your ass on youtube love~" You moved quickly untangling the...what ever it was you had to use a lot of de tangling spritz but finally Paige had two neat braids and soon you were all out the door.

It wasn't until half way to the playschool Henry had remembered he had to pop to the shop something about getting bacon and more milk. You nodded to him, as he gave you kals lead saying he would meet up with you at the school. You and Paige continued to the school waiting t the gates with Fran and Micah.

"She ain't her yet then?" You asked Fran nodded

"Yeah, Patty is already on one, fucking little heathen just bit Rose look"

"Mummy whats a heathen?"you gave Tran a look giggling out of the side of her mouth you looked and sure enough Rose was screaming holding her cheek crying into her mothers legs as her mother was screaming at Abbey who was coddling Patty shouting at everyone who would listen that patty had a right to stick up for herself. You rolled your eyes at the scene this child was just feral! And the mother no better."Nothing baby...Why don't you go see? Rose look shes sad" she nodded and ran off into the playground pulling rose away from her mother with Micah and a few of the other kids You shushed Kal as he barked at all the excitement you knew he wanted to go see the crying little girl he was attached to these kids, as far as the bear was concerned they were all his!.

Once Paige was out of ear shot Fran spoke up.

"Shes only here because they were kicked out of magpies and dee dee's" you looked to Fran what? She nodded to them subtly.

"Who? Patty?"

"Yeah...Abbey came in to the surgery, wanting to be tested for adhd...Shes convinced thats the problem apparently Patty was kicked out of magpies for fighting and then dee dee's...The kid needed stitches she bit a chunk out of his thigh...She was supposed to go to one of those playschools for the challenging children, you know? with the anger management and quiet times...Got to come here though cos Abbey said its adhd but obviously we cant test for it until shes older she was told to get Patty to counselling but refused....Its not though, I've see adhd and that is just a badly behaved little girl who in my opinion needs a smacked ass and a time out." You agreed laughing just as Abbey came strutting past with Patty...looks like she's being sent home again.

"Don’t you fucking judge me whore! And what have I said about that fucking mutt! Keep it away from the school or I will have it put down!-"

"OH NO YOU FUCKING WONT!" oh fuck she didn't...Not infront of Henry You froze as Henry shouted loud and clear, the playground got silent. Noone had ever heard Henry raise his voice even the children stopped to stare whispering about Superman.Paige held onto Rose

"I-its okay daddy isn’t mad at us...I think?" As far as Henry was concerned it was bad enough to upset you and Paige but threatening Kal's life fuck no!

Abbey faltered taking a step back at the frightening scowl on his face, in one hand he had a bag of shopping the other was a small bouquet of flowers. Your heart melted a little already knowing the lillys; your favorite flowers were for you. But you shook your head moving to him as he squared up to Abbey, he just wedged himself between you and the other woman shushing Kal. who was yipping anxiously about you both.

"So your Abbey and Patty? Well I'd like a word with you if you don't mind..." his voice was a growl you'd never herd before he definetly channeling some inner dark fucking protective alpha shit. I mean fuck he could so play a villain?  where was your soft boy?.

"Mummy? Why is superman here...Is he really Paiges daddy-"

"Oh hush Patty of course he isnt-"

"Thats what I wanted to talk about" she looked to Henry again and stuttered

"W-what I-" You gulped as he gained on you both Kal was still pulling to go see the upset toddler...he was a nanny dog.

"I’m warning you this once.Stay away from my family, I mean it you've caused enough upset and I'm home now and noone...And I mean noone fucking upsets my wife and daughter! She might take it but I'm not. You've upset my heavily pregnant wife ,confused my daughter and now I hear you threatening my dog? You know what you've done is slander...Causing serious stress to a pregnant woman can been seen as intent to harm her and MY baby and is also harassment...I'm giving you this one chance you and your daughter stay away or I will come down on you like a tonne of bricks and have you in court before you know it" your heart fluttered as Henry came to a stop beside you.

"W-what I haven't done anything! Neither has Patty! We havent done anything! I don't know what your fucking wife has said but-"

"You've been running your mouth, I just heard it myself like I said I will go to the courts and get the police involved, its harassment, intent to harm and slander,  which being in the public eye we take very seriously, if I hear any more about it I will be on to my lawyers quicker then you would believe. I'v said my piece. Stay away from my family." He turned his back on her and smiled down at you you glanced between him and her.

“Henry- what are-?” he placed his hand on your arm soothing you

"No-Love I'm sorry I told you...I'm not putting up with it...I will look into injunctions today" that caught the womans attention and she flipped her lid.

"INJUNCTIONS! HOW WILL THAT WORK PATTY GOES TO THE SAME SCHOOL!? WHAT YOU THINK I WILL TAKE MY DAUGHTER OUT?" Henry looked over his shoulder at the woman.

"No honestly I think she will be excluded by that point...Biting and attacking the other kids? I will tell you one thing though Patty ever attacks Paige I will personally see to you both being thrown out on your ass! All these kids here have a right to be safe in school and by law the staff here have a right to Exclude any children who harm the other kids." Abbey huffed eyes blazing

"You think you can do that-"

"Not alone but we do have a pta...One vote and we can demand Patty's removal from the class for the safety and well being of the other children " she screamed angry and turned  screeched and walked of dragging Patty along behinde her.

"B-but Mummy you said he wasn't her daddy! You said-"

"Oh will you shut up! You've caused enough trouble for one day Patricia!" Henry smirked after the woman and turned to you handing you the small bouquet of flowers.

"And these are for you my love~" you blushed sniffing them softly thanking him you felt giddy. Suddenly before you could say anything the other kids all gathered round each taking turns giving Kal his morning cuddles then asking Henry questions about being superman squealing when he played along and admitted it but made them promise to keep it a secret. You chuckled as he answered them each the the best of his ability getting stumped a few times dodging a few bullets here and there. It wasn't long before Miss Bou had to round up the kids for class and you were on your way home after getting a few 'well done' comments from some of the other mothers.

"Soo babe....Me thinks you deserve a little reward for all your hard work..."

"Hard work? babe I just-"you rolled your eyes hooking an arm around his leaning against him breathing him in.

"yes hard work...Putting me straight last night looking after me and Paige, coffee in bed and you tidied the house and now this...Sorting out the vindictive woman and her kid- which by the way was a complete turn on watching you go all alpha scary daddy!UGH fuck my panties are wet" he took a deep breath willing himself to calm down.

"Ugh woman don't even go there you know we can't-" you kissed his shoulder and interrupted him.

"Ah ah~ no your right we can't have full on sex...But there are other ways for me to worship my husband~" he stopped and blinked confused then his face lit up

"what do you OH Fuck!...Am I getting a blowy?" You hummed pretending to think about it.

"Well No" his face dropped and he whined his hopes shattered

"Then what-" you smiled cheekily up at him

"Think Daddy earned more then one blowy Baby~" his face lit up like Christmas and slung his arm around your shoulder holding you tight.

"Oh fuck yes! Come on hurry up~ quickly Kal mush! pull mummy faster! come on woman get a waddle on I need to be in your mouth like fucking yesterday!" You giggled as he ushered you home faster eager to have his well earned reward you laughed knowing that today was going to be a good day.