#anyway. meat is cool and I like cutting into it and I like forming my body in the way I like

[neverendingford]

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[fernsnailz]

Not sure how much meat this question has to it but if back in 2006 you were the one that spearheaded the shadow the hedgehog game, how would you have done it?

i'd want ShTH 2005 to keep the same core energy its final form ended up with, but tbh there's a lot i would have done differently lol. here's my 3 step plan for how i would have directed it previously/would direct any sort of reboot or remaster

1. TIMELOOP!!!!!!

i'm not the first person to come up with this idea and i won't be the last to talk about it, but the gist of this point is that ShTH's story makes WAY more sense when you treat it like a timeloop. you finished a story path and end up back in westopolis? great job, you're at the beginning of the timeloop again. it's a smart way to make this wack story a little more cohesive.

i would LOVE to further utilize the timeloop concept for this game because it could be a very simple addition to add flavor OR it be the core of the game's story and gameplay. small things like shadow going "hey wait, have i seen this before?" when he's going through westopolis for the third time can hint at the narrative, and once shadow realizes he's in a loop he's motivated to find EVERY path in search of the full truth. every new story path could be treated as a new game+ as shadow starts to consistently remember more from previous timeloops, carrying over certain weapons, abilities, and memories from his previous experiences.

one really cool idea i saw a while ago on here (edit: FOUND IT! i'm talking about this post) is someone's ShTH timeloop pitch where after a few resets, silver starts to show up and tells shadow to stop messing with the timeline. this continues, and eventually silver becomes a final boss of some of the paths. this idea has never left my mind since i saw it and i need to find the person that came up with it they mean so much to me

i have more timeloop thoughts but i will move on for now

2. simplify or rework the morality system and levels

this is my big gameplay critique - there is A Lot to do in ShTH and very little of it is consistently fun. i have grievances with the morality system i talked about a while ago, the gist of my opinion boiling down to "the system removes agency from shadow and the story doesn't fit within the morals you choose anyway." i'd either MASSIVELY rework the morality system to make it feel worthwhile or just throw the whole thing away. unfortunately i don't have many pitches for what to replace it with since i haven't played that many games with branching stories - maybe the story paths you go down are based on BIG story decisions shadow makes during boss battles or in cutscenes (?) like choosing which boss to fight, which characters to save, what moves or weapons to use, stuff like that. i just want the stuff that leads to branching stories to be more impactful and a little simpler.

this also applies to the levels, of which there are... a lot. and maybe there should be less? i think it would be smart to cut down or combine some of the levels, then really flesh out the ones that matter. and given the non-linear nature of ShTH, i think a version with levels more focused on exploration and combat would fit the game better than the linear mission-based gameplay of the original.

3. MORE GUN

listen man. they advertised this as the sonic game with guns and in my opinion i think they could've done better. i mostly just want a more fleshed out weapons system with upgrades, a little customization, better controls, etc. just put the merchant from resident evil 4 in there and have him accept rings and i would be happy

-------------------------

those are the big points i would personally stick to, but i do have smaller points i would consider as well, including:

make black doom seem competent

explain who the chaotix are working for and fit it into the story

no more "kill this many enemies to progress" missions. please

super shadow can have a gun now

[misterxsamsa]

Analyzing the whole Jhonen thing, denying that part of it is set on Johnny, got me thinking.

Jhonen is not fooling anyone. Of course he put a lot of himself into his work, both in Johnny and the other characters (Like Devi in IFS). I don't think he had a traumatic past or anything similar, but, perhaps, had opinions to put down on a piece of paper. And over time, he just didn't see himself reflected in Johnny like he did in the beginning. At least, that's the conclusion I came to. On the one hand, I would also feel ashamed that my 19 year old version is still being read by thousands of people, who feel identified with a “part of me”. The work is no longer mine, it's not personal, it is open to everyone to identify with. Jhonen never talked about how important it is for him to draw, but come on, JtHM and IFS the main focus of the protagonists is that they lost their creativity. That's a bit of a big deal for someone who draws full time. Not only that, he cosplayed Johnny, he has the original doughboys (And I think a reverend meat? if it's not just an edited image). I can see the mixed feelings, between feeling embarrassed at your work, but it's yours, you're not going to let just anyone call it a “joke.” Making a comic just for “the laughs”, but you put a lot of yourself anyway, and not just in book and movie choices, that's not just “jokes.” I don't think this way, Jv probably doesn't either, but it's an answer I can come to. I wouldn't consider it a *extremely* personal work, but a look at 19-year-old Jhonen.

This makes me think what actual comics would be like, or in some case a movie, or series (Pls Jv i swear). He's changed a lot, surely his hurmor will prevail as always, but I'm intrigued as to what his vision of his characters would be, now 40 yo, beyond a poster of Johnny full of blood (and his rp twitter account. ).

Sorry, I may be VERY wrong. I'm not cool enough to get into Jhonen's creative brain, but try to analyze it as someone familiar with this “creating something” thing.

I used to get worried about the possibilities involving a sequel to the original comics, largely because I feel capturing the spirit of the source material perfectly is impossible. He's not 19 anymore, and thus wouldn't write Johnny with the same priorities and intentions. However, enough years have passed where I think I'd be open to something different. There's so much left unresolved by Issue #7 that a new perspective on the characters, and concepts therin might be an advantage to any sequel media. Jhonen probably understands the nuanced flaws to Johnny's character better than when he was originally writing them, so I'd imagine that hindsight would give him a much more interesting way of approaching them. That's not even mentioning characters like Tess, Dillon, or Tenna who are fountains of untapped potential. Now, I fear that if Jhonen tried to scientifically recreate the percise energy and mindset behind the original comic run, it'd just fall into some bizzare narrative uncanny valley where it's not quite right.

I'm not Jhonen, so I couldn't say definitively what direction he'd go in with Johnny, but I think a lot of his wax-poeticizing would be eradicated from his character. I know Jhonen's expressed that should he rewrite the comics, in some form, he'd want to focus on Johnny being a slave to a Lovecraftian beast more than his angst. That worries me a bit, because I actually think Johnny as a portrayal of mental illness, and his interpersonal problems, are extremely compelling. However, I fear that comprises a lot of what makes Jhonen somewhat sheepish about him as a character nowadays. That, and Jhonen's said himself that he tends not to prioritize the same things about Johnny, and his source material, that a lot of its fans do. In that specific example, he was talking about the "Where the fuck is the Bactine?!" line that got cut in a re-write he did at some point or another. Still, at least we can all agree that the Lovecraftian consumption part of Johnny's character's progression deserved way more attention than what it got for how intruiging it was.

[goodluckclove]

clove, i have an intense personal problem to solve: what's for lunch? or dinner? my cooking repertoire lately has been limited to japanese food because i can have the sides all week and mains take like 10 minutes to prepare. but i feel like i need to branch out. so i pose to you a riddle (not really): what do you make when you're hungry, you have 15 minutes to cook, and roughly 1/4 teaspoon of energy with which to cook it?

See I was going to answer with some funny nonsense but this is actually a really important question. We all have to eat and we all have to eat something delicious otherwise life is significantly worse.

So like here are a few easy meals that I enjoy! I don't know the exact times because I'm usually vibing out to a podcast but I do know these all to be low effort in my eyes.

Eggy Potatoes

This is my go-to whenever I just want protein and carbs and good good flavors. It's also a major depression meal of mine and I don't usually make it for other people because it doesn't seem like a Real Meal but I made it for Riley and now it's their favorite thing for me to cook.

I take potatoes O'Brien and skillet fry them in like canola oil. Season those babies - I use garlic salt, pepper, red pepper, maybe some onion powder. Cajun seasoning or Old Bay is great if you have it. Anyways get it as crispy as you want.

From this point you can either whisk up a few eggs and add it to the cooked potatoes, or you can cook the eggs separately to your liking and add them to the top. Maybe add shredded cheese. Ketchup. Hot sauce. I'm not a cop.

Pasta Salad

This is a great way to meal prep. You can either make a bunch of pasta or buy the ready-made microwave pasta that comes in bag. Do what you have to do to get some cooked pasta. Drain and chill it in the fridge with a little bit of oil and some kind of brine (caper/olive/pepper).

Once it's chill add whatever toppings you want. Feta? Fuck yeah. Any other cheese? Sure. All sorts of veggies? Let's party. Shredded chicken/smoked salmon/cured meats? Boo-yah. Then you can dress it with either a vinegrette or like virtually any other dressing and you did it.

(those microwave pastas are fantastic for easy meals by the way. Add like olive oil and Parmesan and pepper and red pepper. Cut up some bacon or spam. Just pour like a vodka sauce over it. Yum yum.)

Charcuterie

When I can't think of what to eat I end up eating some form of charcuterie. I fucking love charcuterie.

I get three cheeses - a soft, a hard, and a medium. I like to mix my milks if I can. A spread of some kind is cool, like a mustard or a spicy jam. Maybe a seasoned butter.

Bread or crackers? I usually prefer cut bread. Like a nice Dutch Crunch. Crackers are good too though.

Also get some fruit. Cut up an apple. Carrot sticks or celery. Bam all the food groups.

I loved answering this I hope you eat something delicious.

[aballadforbarbatos]

scawy mc D: (MAMMON)

mammon encounters a (tokyo) ghoul. the ghoul is YOU! the post is in bullet points below the cut :) more details in the main post.

warning: mentions mammon being sad, you end up having blood on you

main post

masterlist (coming soon!)

you started by buying your own human meat and being broke practically ALL the time

just like your first, awww you were made for each other

you two get SO attached to each other though, you’re forever helping him out of scrapes

lucifer ties him up and you help him down.

“mc, don’t let mammon down. he’s tied up for a reason.”

“who, me? i would never.”

“you are literally the only person who would”

you even go to illegal, secret casinos with him, and he makes your dice lucky, secretly though

you win a ton of cash! you give half of it to mammon because you love him. and then you spend the rest of it on meat to stock up with and you’re fine for a couple of months

normally mammon finds comfort in you more than anyone else, but one day he’s definitely torn up more than usual

it doesn’t matter if it’s something superficial or an actual issue, you’ll be there no matter what 😡

so you guys go on a walk to try and clear things up. lucifer tells you two not to get lost.

you stick your tongue out at him and mimic him in an annoying high pitch voice. mammon cracks a smile

satan straight up cackles like a witch and it’s so loud that it echoes through the house. belphie calls lucifer a loser.

you’re walking with mammon through some kind of forest when you come to a clearing

“mc i think we're lost”

“home is where the heart is and my heart is with you, so no we are not lost, acTuaLLy”

mammon is about to open up to you when a group of demons show up and start heckling him

they don’t care about you, and why would they? you’re just a human

except…

except, you’re not, are you?

they keep going and mammon keeps shrinking inside himself, and you can feel your anger growing, and growing, and it’s not until the shadow of your wings hits their faces that they realise

“oh.”

it doesn’t stop there, though

you are just. you are SO mad. how dare they bully mammon? your first?! what do they think they’re DOING?

a mask forms over your face, tough as steel, distorting your voice

“i’m about to commit mass murder, by the way.”

it's when they try to run off in different directions that you wish you were a rinkaku ghoul, but you end up cutting their path off anyway. and them also.

the perks of being bouncy and light

mammon is just watching this go down

hangin out

he would LIKE to stop you but where would he even start?

you've turned into a really scary (but cool!) monster

he can see a couple of new demons heading this way but they catch sight of you and immediately turn around

you switch back

blood is ALL over your clothes

staring at each other

"guess you don't need me to protect you anymore..."

"ohhhh yes i do, i would go insane without you"

objectively you mean in that form, but not having mammon beside you all the time would mean a very warped life D:

mammon's mood perks up after that

you were lost btw so you take forever to get back to the house

and then you both remember the blood

"uh."

"we'll just pretend it's pig's blood or something"

"yeah, i'm pretty sure pig's blood isn't black, mc-"

[dandylovesturtles]

Chello~! So I was reading your amazing fic “I May Be Invisible but I Still Look Good” and I was wondering, just outta curiosity. What inspired the concept for the fic in the first place? It’s a really cool concept- a spell that basically tears the soul out of the body and makes a person a “ghost” (sorry, Leo, I’m using the word ghost), but there are restrictions to what they can go through and stuff.

And another note- is there a specific reason you chose which one of Leo’s brothers broke which part of the spell? Like, Mikey broke sight, Raph broke sound, and Donnie broke touch. I see the parallel with Donnie, since he’s typically pretty adverse with touch, but I was wondering about Raph and Mikey.

I also wanted to say that your writing is beautiful and the fact that I can’t leave more than one kudos-es on Ao3 is cruel 😤.

Keep up the amazing work and have an absolutely wonderful amazing supercalifragilisticexpialidoshus day/night/afternoon/2am/endless white void :,]

Hi! Thank you so much for reading, I'm glad you're enjoying it! I've answered some of this but I'm too lazy to dig through my blog so I'll answer again! lol

I've written a fic similar to this before for another fandom (One Piece) over a decade ago - it's a trope I've always enjoyed haha. Though that fic was definitely more of a comedy (the character who got ghosted ended up possessing another character's body so they had to share), while this one leaned more heavily on angst. Although both OP and ROTTMNT are comedic canons so there's still a lot of jokes in both haha.

Anyway I thought of doing this with Leo because even though Donnie was (and still mostly is) my favorite character, Leo is the one I like putting through the spin cycle, because I think his character is a really interesting one to dig into. Leo has a lot of layers to him, and he has a hard time showing his real self to others and asking for help, and this sort of trope is great for forcing characters to do exactly that. Take away their ability to communicate and it makes them want to communicate more! lol

I ended up rambling so I'm putting a cut here.

I actually went around and around for a bit coming up with exactly what the restrictions are for how Leo can move. Like, I spent way too much time trying to decide if he can climb ladders and in the end I just avoided ever mentioning it (he probably can, like he can climb stairs, because otherwise getting out of certain parts of the sewer would be hard). But a lot of it came out of practicality, like I needed him to be able to ride in the tank properly so he could go home with them in the first chapter. But when I thought of the scene where he and Mikey get separated by Meat Sweats I just pushed that to the logical conclusion of "well he can ride in the car but he isn't actually constrained by the frame of the car besides the bottom" and that turned into car surfing.

Initially however I was going to have it so he was restricted to the immediate area around his body and so to leave the lair with Leo the brothers would have to Weekend at Bernie's him around. I eventually gave up on this idea because it caused too many logistical problems lol... Like I would have to establish that either his body can survive because it's just in a form of stasis (which I didn't like because it retroactively killed some of the first chapter's tension and also killed later tension) or they would have to cart around some kind of ventilator and that's a logistical nightmare. But I didn't want Leo to be confined to the lair because, boring. So that's where the idea of him being tied to them after they regained a sense came from, which has worked out great because I ended up using it for way more drama than I anticipated at the start haha.

Here's my writing tip no one asked for: when coming up with the rules for any kind of magic anything, narrative utility always trumps realism - as long as you have internal consistency it's fine.

AS FOR WHO GETS WHAT, well, I always planned for them to regain the senses in the order Mikey > Raph > Donnie (I feel like it just makes the most sense that Mikey is first and Donnie is last so Raph is naturally the middle), but originally they were going to get the senses in waves, like once Raph broke part of the spell both Mikey and Raph would get hearing, etc. And I already planned on it going sight > hearing > touch as well. But then I decided to split the senses up because I felt like it was more interesting that way. See the tip I posted above LOL

But as for why I picked sight > hearing > touch, well... I needed Mikey to see him first for narrative utility but also since Mikey is the one who is best at emotions, I liked having him get sight, because that way Leo can't really hide from him, and so Mikey can get a sense of how Leo is dealing with everything through this ordeal. Like Leo can hide his emotions from Raph by being quiet or from Donnie by not touching him but he can't escape Mikey. The other two obviously know Leo is not having a good time, but Mikey is the one who has the fullest picture of how badly this is affecting him, and Mikey is also the best at communicating that to the others and helping Leo through it just by being there. That's why you get a lot of Mikey literally guiding the others to him, too - he's good at helping that way!

As for Raph, I made a joke at the time that I wanted to force the dumb-dumbs to actually use their words lol. Which is a lot of the motivation! Of course, Raph and Leo are at a better place than they were pre-movie anyway, but I still wanted to put them in a place where they have to talk because they literally don't have any other options. Also, I really love the co-leaders vibe, or at least Raph being his right hand man, and I wanted the two of them to be able to talk strategy, which was of course easiest if they could actually, ya know, talk. Leo may be leader but he still looks up to Raph and turns to him for advice, or as a sounding board to work out what he's thinking through, so it's really beneficial for him to be able to talk to Raph.

And yes finally, Donnie is touch averse so he gets touch and we all laugh. LAUGH. But also Donnie would be most frustrated by not having a more direct way to communicate with Leo, but also the most determined to actually make it work. Also this way he is given a problem to fix. Leo is touch-starved and it's not good for him to be like this for too long, because he's losing his grip on reality. Donnie can fix that problem by touching him, and so he will, because Donnie fixes problems. Even if it requires giving his dumb-dumb twin shell scratches (he doesn't mind) (he won't admit it though).

Also the ouija board jokes are very funny. If it works for zozo why can't it work for Leo!

Sorry for all the rambles aaaaa thanks for the ask!

[fountainpenguin]

"I've got to be where my spirit can run free... Got to find my corner of the sky~!" (x)

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New Dog's Life chapter today! ~ 3rd Life series fan-season

Chapter 12 - “Intermission Boogie”

Read on AO3

Start from Chapter 1

More Pixels Imperfect fics

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The days between Sessions 1 and 2 trickle by… Sniff searches for his place in the world and has a run-in with Scar. Grian takes a look at Impulse's code. Meanwhile, Cleo and Martyn get into trouble and Bdubs helps Scott investigate the anarchy breach.

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

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🌓 🖤 🖤

Tuesday

SnifferMyFeet

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Etho's Void-black room is a lot more fun without Etho in it, until it's not. Pause and Beef both went offline. Nobody's here to tell him what to do. Sniff bounces on Etho's bed, slapping the ceiling on every jump. He tries to do a backflip, but… too scared. He gets too close to landing funny on his neck and stops bouncing after that.

My gods, it's so dark in here…

The room feels like an open night sky. Sniff tests his weight against the mattress, bouncing just a little, and watches the glowing glitter up and down his arms. He's leaking… but the little sparks he's producing are drifting upwards, against gravity. Is that Etho? Is Etho the sparks? Where do they go? Sniff tries to follow them, but they twinkle and dissipate in the air. He pats his head, ruffling his hair, and checks the mirror hanging on the back of Etho's bedroom door. Huh. Yeah, his hair's leaking glittery bits too.

I guess this makes sense? When I ate his soul, he didn't really go down my throat. He kind of melted in my mouth and blended with my gums… Well, maybe just a little of my throat. But he didn't make it to my stomach. So if he didn't get digested like meat or bread, I guess this is how he leaves my system? Etho's mind may be unconscious, but the particles of light that form his body seem to be escaping through tiny gaps between Sniff's pixels. That's his current theory, anyway.

Okay… That checks out, actually. That goes along with what Grian said about getting cycled into the system faster if Martyn eats you than if Bdubs does. Bdubs eats more, so it probably takes a lot longer for everyone to sneak out again.

Huh. Sniff flaps his arms, trying to shake Etho's particles out faster, but that actually stops him from glittering for a hot second. It's a couple minutes before the sparkles start up again. Oops. Maybe all that shaking made whatever's left of Etho's consciousness kinda dizzy. Sorry, soulmate. Boat Boys for life.

Then he smacks himself across the cheek. What am I saying? Etho was Joel's soulmate. Not mine. Boat Boys are dead in the water anyway. They don't matter. Etho yanked him into Between to do one job and that's it. He doesn't care. There's probably something going on with Bdubs or the real Joel or Beef or Pause or Cleo anyway. He told me himself he was only cuddling up because he's greedy and touch-starved. My gods, Sniff… Get over him. Boat Boys are over and he was never yours anyway, so treat him like an ex. You've got Pig now. It's time to move on.

Etho snuffed the lanterns out before bed. Try as he might, Sniff can't find a proper lighter. He checks every kitchen drawer and even some in the front room, but nothing. Etho's lack of interest in knick-knacks, apparently, extends to the entire bleedin' flat. And there's no blimmin' coal around either, so he can't craft any torches. Absolute disappointment. He slams the last drawer shut in a huff, then flops against the counter.

I'm so bored…

Which is maybe a bit pathetic, actually. Sniff rolls over, sprawling his arms across the counter from this angle too. Ceiling's lame… Everything's lame. At least the dark is good for one thing. The purpur flooring's a lot less ugly when you can't see it.

It's not like he's never been alone before. He used to be alone all the time back on his home world - He really needs a cool name for it, like 'Empires' or 'Hermitcraft' but like, personal - and he'd pass days or even weeks with Pig only popping in every now and then. That was lonely too, like this.

But the thing is, when Pig was gone, Sniff still had a whole server to explore. He picked apart every End City he could find. He got wings. He wrangled villagers. He beefed himself up with enchanted netherite gear. He built himself a flying ship.

But I can't build anything here. Or at least, Etho and Grian said you can't place blocks in New Star Station. The whole thing's bugged out or something? Spawn protection? Not sure. To be fair, he barely paid attention as he had other things on his mind.

Well, if he can't build… At least he can explore. Etho tried to spook him out, claiming the HALO team or big bad Bdubs might come to log him out if he isn't careful, but what's it to him? Sniff just ate the man. And if he can eat Etho, what's to stop him from eating anyone else? He can eat anyone he wants. Yeah, that's right. His fingers, still splayed, tighten into fists.

Bdubs said it himself: he didn't want to poke around in here because he thought I might log him out…

Everybody's scared of vex. Even HALO. Even the phantoms. Sniff studies the blank ceiling in the dark for another couple seconds, then peels away from the counter. He walks straight through the den, slides open the bamboo door, and steps onto the balcony. Fresh air… Stale air, technically? They're still under bedrock-

"What are you doing?" asks a voice from above, and Sniff jumps about four blocks in the air.

"WHAAAA!? Oh my- What?"

Cackling laughter breaks out above him. Sniff jerks up his head, breathing hard. TwoMuchGrian is perched right on a copper bar above his head, arms wrapped around his stomach. He's doubled over, wheezing like an absolute madman (My gods…) His hair waterfalls down one shoulder, swishing with every wingbeat. He's losing petals from his flower crown. Sniff drags his hand straight down his lips.

"Oh my gosh… Two, what the hell? You scared the blimmin' daylights out of me! Ohh, I'm gonna be sick!"

It takes several seconds of laughter before Two's caught his breath enough to answer. He unfolds. He rights himself on the rod, letting his wings flap down in a blur of blue and gold feathers. "Ohhhh… You have no idea how long I've been waiting to catch you, Sniff. Ohhh… That's going in your newbie clip comp for sure." Two holds his fingers up in Ls, framing Sniff between them like he's pinned on a comm screen. "Wooo… How you feelin'?"

"Like I just short-circuited my own hearts. My gosh, you are something else. Uggggh… I'm so mad. You're so bloody lucky I don't have any weapons on me right now."

[Cnt'd on AO3 - Link at top]

[thenamesblurrito]

screw it have the cosmere/transformers thoughts that plague me

spoilers ahoy

i'm willing to bet that whatever Adonalsium was, Primus and Unicron may be vaguely similar entities depending on interpretation. obviously the cosmere belongs exclusively to the Shards, but if it's a dwarf galaxy, then perhaps, just perhaps, Cybertron's galaxy could be its neighbor

(please picture Adonalsium and Primus studiously ignoring each other across lightyears of empty space bc they have their own problems thank you very much that other god over there is minding their own business)

Unicron may not have been strong enough to eat Adonalsium straight up, given that we know he can be defeated by Primus/various forces vaguely allied with Primus. but the scattered, weakened Shards warring with one another... hmmm the cosmere might look like a nice snack now

IF we go with the understanding that they are similar but alien entities to one another, then would there not be an entire system of "investiture" equivalence for Cybertron? you've got outliers and point-one percenters, you've got the Primal artifacts of great magic power, you've got everything about the Allspark, the Spiritual Realm Well of Sparks, the various properties of energon and sentio metallico and transwarp energy, etc. i'm willing to bet that there's an entire Cybertronian paradigm to realmatic theory that could be explored by perhaps a very very lost member of the Seventeenth Shard that has a similar setup but different power source to the cosmere

and if that's the case, could Transformers even intersect at all with the cosmere's magic systems, when they run on their own system? could they absorb or be affected by investiture if they're full of energon and powered by a spark? would they be immune to any invested influence, but likewise be unable to use their own outlier abilities on an invested object, or a Shard-influenced or Adonalsium-created thing?

i'm not going to touch on Era 3 or 4, there's already so much to explore with "low tech" cosmere lore that i feel like bringing in computers and spaceships would just blow my mind and provide so many cool alt modes for Cybertronians to scan.... (that said i really need to read TotES)

spren manifest as metal in the Physical Realm. is a Transformer spark simply a powerful spren manifesting/forging a metal body in the Physical Realm?

is a Transformer's frame simply really fancy Shardplate?? (and didn't Brandon say that it would be extremely hard but possible for Radiants in Shardplate to combine?? helloooo gestalts)

could a Cybertronian bond a spren? would it function like a Headmaster/Targetmaster binary bond or like a proper Nahel bond??

would the Magnus Hammer be able to influence the Stormfather?

also coppermind Matrix. it's orange and everything

yknow that TFP episode where Optimus was dying (as usual) and then the hammer remade him bigger better faster stronger? something something he's a Returned (even moreso if you consider he's canonically one of the reincarnated original Thirteen)

actually i think i could argue that anyone upgraded to a Prime by the Matrix is a form of Returned

would LOVE to see a shade from Hell react to a Transformer. likewise would love to see anyone in the cosmere deal with an undead mech, be it ghost, Terrorcon, or Allspark-fueled

i think kandra wouldn't be any more gross to the average Cybertronian than any other organic, they're all made of meat and bones and recycled organic matter anyway. they'd probably think of kandra as organic Mutacons?

they'd probably find the color draining effects of Breath very morbid. after all, their own corpses go grey. it seems fitting

would cold constructed mecha be reforged into their spark-determined true form given enough investiture?

could a Shardblade cut through Cybertronian armor? assuming a mech is forged from cybermatter/sentio metallico, the metal flesh of a living planetary god, i'd like to think that may register... a little bit special, in realmatic theory

even if their armor was just normal metal, how much aluminum is in their makeup?

and if a Shardblade can slice through, would it deaden the limb or just cut it in half?

relatedly, could an Allomancer burn shavings from a mech's armor? if they're made of cybermatter instead of regular metal, what kind of effects would that have?

could an Allomancer steelpush off a mech?? would this mess with their internals? how precise could an Allomancer get with what particular body part/how deep into the frame they're targeting? a human weighs nothing next to a mech, but could they take one down by steelpushing the circuitry of the processor?

could energon store stormlight? or does it already have its own "investiture" equivalent as crystal blood of gods

photonic crystals can store sparks, so could they capture a spren?

Lockdown would collect Hemalurgic spikes

Sebarial and Swindle would be instant besties

Nightblood and Starscream. picture it

KELSIER and Starscream. oh god

would Kelsier punch Rung

for that matter would non-Cybertronians or people not native to the Unicron/Primus section of the universe operating on that power paradigm be able to perceive and remember Rung?

the Ghostbloods would try to take advantage of sudden giant alien metal warriors showing up out of nowhere. i'd like to think it would be a comedy of errors in miscommunication and accidentally thwarted plans until Kelsier throws up his hands and decides to call it quits on these guys

Soundwave would visit Roshar and have the same "it's the most beautiful music in the wooooooorld *sob*" breakdown as that one G1 episode upon hearing the rhythms and tones, i think he'd absolutely be able to hear them naturally

HEARTS OF STEEL STYLE TRANSFORMERS BUT COSMERE THEMED INSTEAD OF EARTH STEAMPUNK

Bondsmith Optimus. because yes

Lightweaver Jazz. spymaster? sound and light show? it's perfect

flying contest: Windrunners, Skybreakers, and Heavenly Ones vs Seekers. who wins? (personally i think nobody would "win" bc the two groups are functionally doing Very Different Things)

for a more applicable contest of power, anyone with the Surge of Gravitation vs Victorion

Ultra Magnus/Minimus Ambus would be right at home in Azir, please let him have fun with other rule-happy bureaucrats

and if you read this far, the real final reason i've thought so much about this...

i literally just want to see Hoid have to deal with any Cybertronian. i seriously cannot pick a favorite individual or scenario. Hoid ending up on the Lost Light? Hoid plopped on Cybertron and anointing himself Prime's Wit of the functionist regime bc by god they need someone to knock them down a peg? Hoid discovering a frozen Skyfire or Megatron on some cosmere planet? Hoid collecting minicons? Hoid adding another esoteric power to his list and getting possessed by the Cube ala RotF?

[quirkwizard]

Hey QuirkWizard! Zombie anon here and I’m the person who had the quirk review for the zombie quirk so I made some alterations to it based off what I got from your message which I appreciate and here it is!

Zombie: this is a mutant type quirk that causes it so that the user has regeneration over their body and their skin seems paler than a normal person while their eyes appear sunken and always tired. The reason for this is that the user essentially has deadened nerves so that the user will move slower and will not feel pain instead only feeling a sensation when ever injured but it isn’t painful to negatively effect them. The user has a minor defense boost to assist them. Their regeneration has a limit on what it can regenerate with it being a slow acting generation that can only heal the user slowly overtime and the regeneration struggles on widespread injuries compared to smaller injuries. So for example a bunch of small paper cuts over the user would heal slower than the user being shot in the brain or heart since the damage would be in a smaller area. The user can be killed if the damage to their body is widespread enough to damage fifty percent of their body. The user needs to eat meat in order to keep up their regeneration and receives no negative side effects from eating raw meat and can safely do so even being resistant to viruses from that.

So can you tell me what you think? Like any buffs or needs I need to make and thank you and I really appreciate the feedback… also do you any more ways I could make it more like a zombie which is what it is based off of instead of it just being a worser super regeneration quirk that acts slower and with more limitations but needs meat and has a minor defense boost and cool zombie aesthetics? I’m trying to make it more zombie like while I want it to be its own thing that a hero could genuinely use for a OC… anyways thank you and I love the blog a lot!!! TY!

Well, I'm glad you found it so helpful and I hope you find this helpful as well.

So yeah, I think this can still mostly work. I am a little confused with the example of the healing, as it seems to contradict that it does worse with smaller injuries, but that's about it in terms of the functionality of it. My only suggestion would be to maybe give some examples of the defensive capabilities of the Quirk. If the defensive aspect is the biggest part of it, then that part of it should be emphasized more with some examples. And if it's more about survivability then defensively, maybe emphasize some of that as well. Heck, it could even give resistance to certain abilities, like having issues put the user to sleep or control their body due to their unique biology. Maybe even have something where they can still function with parts of their body removed, like if you remove half of their face they can keep going for as long as it takes to get it back. If you want to make it more zombie-like, I think this as far as you can get with a Quirk. You could always try to give the user Aesthetic Mutations or personality traits that make them more zombie-like. Stuff like giving them grey skin and sunken in eyes could be form something outside the Quirk or giving them a very lethargic way of speaking as a quirky trait to reference their zombie-like state.

[little-homestead-in-the-suburbs]

In Which the Archaic hits home, OR digitizing family recipe cards

Recipe for Poinsettia Bread, basically a fancy gumdrop bread at bottom

Thanks to the arctic freeze busting multiple pipes at my apartment/work, I am staying with my family while the pipes get contained enough so that i can have running water.

While at my parent's house, I got bored and decided to finally start digitizing all the recipe cards from my mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother (around 100 years of history, possibly a bit more), it's fun to see how the location, historical context, and available ingredients has changed.

For context these cards come from women raised in the Ohio river valley area, think Cincinnati and Illinois in small town, lower income farm family. And covers basically all of the 1900's including the Great depression, and both world wars, and poverty levels that include sending the brothers to hunt squirrels and rabbits on the edge of town for meat.

I have come to realize a couple of things:

We are losing basic cooking knowledge. Most of these Recipes are simply a list of ingredients with volumes, usually the oven temperature, and sometimes the cook time and pan size. BUT NOT ALL. Some are just the ingredients and how much, no other information.

Some of these items were simply implied to be included. The most notable one is the utter lack of Blueberries as an ingredient in the Blueberry Muffins Good recipe, not once but twice, as two separate cards of the same recipe were in the box in two different hand writings.

If we don't take action, many of our cooking skills may go the way of some of the ancient cities. the "everyone knows were town such and so is, so why would we ever say where it is or even include it on maps" adventures.

Anyways I have had a grand evening deciphering some recipes with my mom, including almost an hour of deciding how the instructions and order of steps went for my great grandmothers Poinsettia Bread went, and how much flour should be in the recipe.

Esther Whannel’s Poinsettia Bread

Makes 2 breads

1 packet yeast (1 Tbsp)

¼ cup warm water

⅓ cup + 1 tsp sugar

¾ cup milk

1 tsp salt

⅓ cup butter

3 eggs

5 ½ cup + ¼ cup flour

Lemon Zest

Spiced gum drops, with some chopped for decoration

Chopped nuts

Frosting

Red sugar

Mix packet of yeast in ¼ cup warm water with 1 tsp sugar, set aside until active. Meanwhile, scald ¾ cup of milk, then add ⅓ cup sugar, 1 tsp salt and ⅓ cup butter, removing from heat once combined and let cool until tepid. Beat 3 eggs and add to milk mixture followed by the yeast sponge. In a separate bowl, mix lemon zest with 5 ¼  cups flour. Mix 2 ½ cups flour into wet mix then work in remaining flour until a workable dough forms, knead until smooth and let rest 1 ½ hours.  In the dry bowl, combine ¼ cup flour with chopped nuts and gumdrops. Punch down dough and knead in gumdrops and nuts. Divide dough in half. Using 1 portion of dough, shape a small round center for flower. Cut the remainder of the portion into 12 pieces for petals, shape into petals and layout in flower shape. Cover and set aside, repeat for other portion of dough. Let rise 1 hour, then bake at 375*F until golden brown. Frost while warm, decorate center with gumdrop pieces, sprinkle petals with red sugar. 

This recipe was not the clearest set of instructions, and so We spent a while trying to determine the most likely method. We based the above instructions on a Stollen bread. The ingredient list is also an estimation as well.

[understandableparadox]

camping diaries of a charub: alternian forest-side b

a massive blood shot eye with red iris glares into the camera before pulling back. the same creature as the last entry sits cross legged in a cruncified tent. they wore a somewhat tattered purple outfit with the same such hue. the only difference seems to be that four of their fangs are turned outwards and a somewhat shoddily made tricorn perched on their head.

"FUCK, OK I GUESS I NEED TO DO THE VIDEO WHATEVER AS WELL, WHOEVER WATCHES THIS IN THE FUTURE, FEEL BLESSED THAT YOU GET TO WATCH A GOD DAMN MASTER AT WORK"

he walks out of frame, still talking as if the camera was with him. its not. its on the floor. recording a patch of intresting tent interior. it would take exactly one hour of recording for the alien to realize their mistake and reterive the camra...

"THE MASTER LESSONS ARE NOT FREE, IF YOU ARE CLOSE TO BEING A MASTER THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE LEARNED WHAT I DID BY LISTENING..."

he turns the camera towards his work, scrap would has been constructed into a crude set of tables. on one, a few cans of soda and other such tins. had been assembled in a rather odd configuration.

"BECAUSE MY SISTER IS SUCH A FUCKING WIMP AND WONT EAT THE PERFECTLY GOOD MEAT I COULD BRING IN, I HAVE TO GET A SET UP GOING TO MAKE SOME HOME MADE NASTY ASS CANDY."

he tosses a stick into the feeder and ontop of the grate, he places a hunk of werid looking steak...

"ANYWAYS, THIS IS A "HOBO" ROCKET STOVE, HOBOS ARE FUCKING COOL, I DONT CARE IF THEY HAVE A CLOWN NAMED AFTER THEN, THEY HAD SECRET CODES, TOLD TRAINS TO GO FUCK THEMSELVES AND HAD SHIT LIKE THIS~"

theres an edge of actual enjoyment to his voice as he flips the steak over again.

"MY SISTER WANTED ME TO DO SOME SHIT??? GATHER MORE METAL STUFF, CHECK, TRY TO MAKE AN AXE, FUCKING GROSS...OH ITS FOR TREES...STILL GROSS, LOOK ANY WEAPON SOMEONE NEEDS CAN BE DONE WITH A BAT!"

to demonstrate his point, he forms his strife, a wooden baseball bat covered in various shards of scrape metal.

"IT CAN CUT, SMACK, BLUDGEON! AND IF YOU THROW IT HARD ENOUGH, ITS RANGED. PERFECT WEAPON, TEN OUTTA TEN."

he contemplates his weapon for a second before grabbing the now slightly cooked hunk of steak and ripping into it with a bit of ferocity.

"THOUGH I DONT WANNA LIVE IN THIS FUCKING TENT ANY LONGER THEN A WEEK OR TWO SO I GUESS AN AXE IS NEEDED...IF i CAN YOINK ONE OF THESE ASSHOLES CHAINSAWS, THAT MIGHT WORK TO, i SAW SOME FUCKING WERID WHITE BUG GUY WHEN I WAS SNEAKING AROUND IN TOWN AND THEY HAD A SAW."

they gain a werid twitch in their eye...

"BULKY TALL PEICE OF SHIT, DOES HE THINK HES BETTER THEN ME?! JUST SWINGING THAT SHIT AROUND LIKE HES THE HOTTEST THING TO BE PURGED OUT OF THIS SHIT TEIR ROCK?! HALF THE INSECTS HERE HAD WAY COOLER ATTACHEMENTS."

another bite of meat and he seems to come off his second of indignit anger...

"AXE...THATS NOT FUCKING EASY TO MAKE SO I DONT KNOW WHY I GET STUCK ON CRAFTING DUTY, OH WAIT, YES I FUCKING DO! ITS BECAUSE IM THE FUCKING BEST AT IT!"

from his inventory, he unloads a large pile of scrap metal. he starts digging around looking for specific pecies. thick nails, peices of an old lawn mower blade...

"YEAH THIS WILL WORK... FUN FACT, YOU DONT NEED TO SHARPEN SOMETHING INTO A BLADE IF IT ALREADY HAS A BLADE."

he looks around and stares up a tree...

"WAIT HERE."

he climbs a tree up and out of frame, theres the sound of rustling, angry birds and wood ripping before the charub drops back down with a branch.

"WOOD IS GOOD FOR HANDLES, IT HURTS LESS BUT LIKE... ONLY IF ITS SHAPED RIGHT? ITS WERID, ITS BULLSHIT BUT I LIKE IT BECAUSE ITS MY BULLSHIT."

he starts to scrape away at it, creating a decently sized handle, useing a scrap metal knife to shape it through widdling. it takes him a few hours but he soon has a semi decent handle. he rummages through the junk again to drag a long length of wire.

"I WAS GOING TO USE NAILS BUT OOPS, I DONT HAVE A FUCKING DRILL OR ANYTHING WITH POWER AND WERE NOT TO THE STEAL SHIT PHASE OF OUR STAY HERE WHICH AGAIN, BULLSHIT. NOT LIKE THAT HAG WOULD HAVE LET ME HAVE POWER TOOLS..."

he uses the knife to cut out a channel into handle. he gets distracted and looks around, abandoning the project to mess with something in the crater and grass, ripping chunks off it and going off screen to where the stove is.

"I FUCKING FORGOT THE GLUE, HOW THE FUCK IS SHIT GOING TO STAY IF THERES NO GLUE...I LEARNED THIS TRICK FROM HUMANS, APPERENTLY IF YOU HAVE SAP AND BURNT SHIT... WHICH SHOULDNT BE TO HARD TO MAKE, SAP IS JUST... SUGER RIGHT? SO IF I JUST GET SOME OF THIS BAD CANDY, MELT IT AND..."

Theres a gagging noise, and a rather noxious looking smoke that roils out from of screen... he quickly comes back with a tin can filled with something miasmic that he dips a stick. he pulls it out to reveal a semi liquad black material that he pours into the channel. he shoves the old mower blade in and ties at two points with a wire. he lets it sit as he throws the contents of the candy pitch away into the crater.

"UGH, IM TIRED... IM NOT CHOPPING DOWN ANY FUCKING TREES RIGHT NOW, GOOD NIGHT I GUESS? THIS PLACE IS WEIRD... BUT ITS NICE I GUESS, KRATANOR SAYS WE HAVE TO WAIT TO TALK TO OUR "CONTACT"? WHICH I DONT UNDERSTAND, IM FUCKING BORED... WELL, NO THATS NOT TRUE, IM NOT BORED, ITS JUST QUIET HERE, BUT NOT AS MUCH AS THE MOON. WHICH I LIKE...IM DONE TALKING."

The charub reaches over and cuts off the feed.

[recurring-polynya]

Do you think Rangiku's shikai has other abilities she hasn't unlocked yet? Like creating clones or teleportation?

So, for starters, I would guess that Rangiku's shikai has abilities that we haven't seen yet. A subtle, but consistent piece of Rangiku's characterization is that she tends to hold back information to get a tactical advantage, like in the first battle against Grimmjow and his Fraccion, where she plays dead to waste Nakeem's time until they get a gentei kaijo. I actual love the way even the narrative plays with this the first time we see Haineko-- she and Kira go through this whole drama about how no one knows what his sword does and he's so CoOL and SecREtive and EmO and he hits her with it seven times and she makes a bunch of patented Bleach shocked faces, and then she's like "okay, enough of that, get wrekted, you infant", goes to shikai and that's all we see. Three issues later, Kira is sitting in his own crater.

Anyway, so there's some interesting meat to this question, which is, how do special attacks work, anyway? I think there are actually two flavors of special attacks, or at least two ways of developing special attacks. The first kind is something like Getsuga Tenshou: it's a distinct, self-contained technique that must be revealed by one's zanpakutou spirit. But we do occasionally see Ichigo do stuff with his Getsugas, like deflecting other attacks, which is just a logical extension of the technique that he could presumably come up with himself and practice. Conversely, most of Hitsugaya's attacks are variations on "making ice". They make ice in new and creative and destructive ways, but you could also imagine him creating them himself from first principles, probably with support and guidance from his zanpakutou, but not just handed over as a whole cloth.

[Note: I remembered there being a part about special attacks in the Let's Do Shikai!! portion of Color Bleach+, so I looked it up, in case Renji had any wisdom for us. Unfortunately, all it had to say was "you should have one. Or possibly three", "Ikkaku's lucky dance is not a lethal move", "you can steal a lethal move from your superior!!" (with no indication as to how one goes about this) and "Ikkaku ruins everything!!" Uh. Thanks for nothing, Renji.]

That being said, what are Haineko's powers? Well, her basic ability is to turn into particles that Matsumoto can control with her spiritual pressure. She is, to some degree, similar to Senbonzakura, but with some important differences. Individual particles of Haineko aren't really strong enough to cut anything, so she works more through erosion. It's like being attacked by sandpaper. Haineko is most useful as an area-effect power-- Rangiku has been seen to surround her opponents with an ash tornado, or to form Haineko into a shield. Haineko can also be used as a smokescreen, to blind an opponent. The final thing we've seen Haineko do is actually really, really interesting, which is when Matsumoto works together with Hitsugaya to form a multi-layered wall of ice, and then retrieves Haineko to leave vacuum pockets in the ice. The thing that makes this so interesting to me is that it implies that the particles of Haineko actually can teleport, otherwise, they would rip holes in the ice on the way out and break the vacuum.

So now that we have listed things we have seen Haineko do, what are some other things she could do, in order of how far a reach they are from stuff we have already seen

Be used as a very basic light/dark illusion, for example, to mimic a shadow in order to draw someone's attention

Haineko could enter someone's respiratory system and destroy them from the inside out. This would actually be a pretty significant ability in Bleach, where a lot of characters have hardened skin, or a zone very close to their body where their powers have no effect.

Not really a combat ability but I would give my pinkies to see Matsomoto pick a lock with Haineko

Actually, along those same lines, if she can reform Haineko into a solid, she could do something like bind someone's arms together, or encase an enemy's hand as they are trying to cast a spell

I wonder what happens if Matsumoto splits off a chunk of Haineko. For example, in a case where they're splitting the party, can Hitsugaya carry around some Haineko like pocket sand, so Matsumoto can find him later or that she would have some sense of what's going on, i.e. spooky action at a distance? idk idk

Does Haineko's "teleportation" ability work in reverse? Can she use it to pass through physical barriers? Magical barriers? Does it have any application in dispelling certain kidou?

The next three I think are a bit of a jump, but not inconceivable, which could either represent getting a new ability, or, as I said, revealing an ability that she's already had, but been keeping on the downlow.

Reforming the dust of Haineko into a sword that is more powerful than the sum of its parts. This is basically exactly what Byakuya's sword does. Once again, it would actually be pretty useful in the Bleach power system for the purposes of fighting "untouchable" enemies. There actually is a very real manufacturing technique called sintering that involves taking small particles of metal (or other materials), and heating them so that they fuse together, which creates a solid with certain enhanced properties over cast or worked metal. You cannot actually make a +2 vorpal sword in this manner, but maybe you can when spiritual pressure is involved.

Going along with the ash theme, if she could heat Haineko's particles to high temperatures, basically adding fire damage. I suppose this could also have general utility, like she could make herself a little Haineko toasty armor when Hyourinmaru is going off.

Fun fact I learned from a children's book! The actual most lethal part of a volcanic eruption is the toxic gases they give off! I'm saving the lava powers for Momo, but I think that Haineko could have some corrosive/poison effects. Coughing, dizziness, fucking up mucus membranes! For a treat!!

Based on powers other people have in Bleach I guess Haineko could make illusions (it's about as feasible as Hitsugaya's ice illusions, imo) and maybe teleportation. Like I said, the bits of Haineko can already teleport, which I'm not sure would really extend to Matsumoto herself, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. There are also shunpo techniques that are effectively teleportation, so that's not all that exciting of an ability, imo.

I guess as one last note, perhaps this is a little reductive, but to address your initial question of "Do you think Rangiku's shikai has other abilities she hasn't unlocked yet?" I think the answer is absolutely yes. A rather significant theme of the TYBW was that, when their bankai were stolen, some of the captains, like Byakuya and Toushirou took it as an opportunity to get even closer to their zanpakutou spirits and improve their shikai. We make a lot of noise about Soul Society being very static and unchanging, but I like the idea that a shinigami can always learn and improve with their swords. Just because you're dead doesn't mean you still don't have room for personal growth.

[doflamingosstrings]

This is one of my more popular fics on Ao3 so I decided to post to here as well! I was extremely down bad when I wrote this so that’s why it’s so long, but enjoy!

-Luffy x F Reader

-WordCount: ~5,000

It began after a night of partying and drinking with the crew.

You had all come back from quite the adventure, and with your success, you all decided to celebrate.

You sat on the deck of the sunny, looking over your shoulder at the sea.

It seemed to sparkle against the moonlight as the water contoured and splashed throughout the sea, and against the ship.

The endless ocean seemed to keep you in a trance, as the waves rose and dipped in the decidedly everlasting distance.

Your hand gripped the cup that was on the ground and lifted it up to your lips.

A refreshing taste had hit your pallet and a sigh had left your lips.

You closed your eyes, and a moment later you felt a presence.

Your eyes didn’t open as you felt no violent intent, maybe the individual was just passing by.

You waited for a few moments, the same presence still upon you, but it had gotten closer as the moments passed.

You decided to open an eye, and you were instantly met with your captain’s face inches from yours.

Your eyes widened slightly, a smile starting to appear on your face, but you kept your feelings under control.

You don't know exactly when it started, but you had formed some kind of a crush on your captain.

There was just something about his endless energy and heartfelt smiles that had you wrapped around his finger.

You decided not to let these feelings show, Luffy never felt like the type to have romantic feelings anyways, but at this moment, hiding your feelings may be harder than you thought.

Your heart fluttered as you looked over his features, his face closer than you had expected. You noted the scar on his cheek, his soft eyelashes, and his jet black hair that had found itself in his face.

“Luffy?” you asked as he smiled blankly at you. “What’s up, you need something?” you asked as you set your drink down on the deck.

“Nah, Sanji noticed you weren't around so I went to look for you!” he said happily. Luffy was sitting in front of you now, sitting up tall with his legs crossed. No one was around on the part of the deck you were beside you and now Luffy.

“You sure you don’t wanna hang out with the others or anything, I'm not doing much over here.” You said, leaning back on the railing on the edge of the boat.

“Yup! I missed you Y/n!” Luffy said, leaning closer to you, ever so slightly. The smallest tinge of pink had appeared on your cheeks at his words. You should have expected this kind of forwardness from your captain, but you couldn't help but feel happy about his words.

“So, how are you feeling now? I know that last fight must have taken a lot out of you.” You asked, not being able to meet his gaze entirely.

Luffy moved to your left, now sitting right next to you.

“It did kinda tire me out, but I’m good now! Especially because of all the meat Sanji made for me!” he said. And looked up into the sky. You looked back at his face, his gaze seemed hopeful yet, timid in a way. Like he was unsure of something, which was unusual for your outgoing captain.

You opened your mouth to speak, but you were cut off by Luffy’s words instead.

“I feel way better now that I’m around you though,” he said, and this time, you couldn't hide your blush. Luffy's eyes had met yours, and he noticed your face.

Luffy moved closer to you, his face now dangerously close to yours.

“You look cute like that y’now!” he said and put a hand on top of yours, only causing your blush to become more apparent.

You didn't know what to say, the unrequited crush that you had gained sometime along your journey, had it been noticed? Does he feel the same way, or was he just trying to tease you?

The questions swimming in your head were answered as a pair of lips met yours.

You felt your heart flutter, it was beating out of your chest. The object of your fantasies was right here, his lips connected to yours, and what fantasies they were.

You felt a heat swell between your legs as you moved to deepen the kiss between the two of you.

You felt a bite against your lip as you opened your mouth ever so slightly, Luffy taking this opportunity to invade the inside of your mouth. You felt a hand on your side as you were pulled closer to your captain, the kiss only deepening more.

You were now effectively sitting in your captain’s lap, one hand sliding under your shirt the other on your cheek.

Your lips parted from each other, but only for a moment, diving against each other a second later.

You couldn't deny the excitement you had felt imagining a scenario like this, and now, it was actually happening.

Your lips had left your captains again, a moan escaping your mouth as he decided to bite at your neck.

“Fuck Luffy..” you said in a whispery tone as your captain continued to lick down the side of your neck, nipping and biting at the soft flesh.

You felt him smile against your skin, he knew exactly what he was doing to you.

You had made it very clear to your crew that your neck was sort of a weak spot for you. After a multitude of hugs and playful touches, the sounds that would come from you every time a foreign pressure would find itself against your neck was nothing less than erotic.

You would often be teased for this, but this kind of touch was something else.

You didn't know if you could keep your voice down as Luffy brought his other hand up, caressing your nape. His touch soft, his hands calloused.

You felt another bite, then a kiss and you had stuttered out what had been words, might've been a moan. “Fuuck.” You said as you felt him suck against your skin, You hated how sensitive you were, it made you so easy to figure out.

You felt Luffy’s tongue lick down to your collarbone, continuing to bite and leave marks against your tender skin.

You felt a hand on your breast and you let out another breathy moan. In seconds, your shirt and bra had come off, leaving you in nothing, your skin feeling refreshed against the cool air.

“Straight forward aren't we captain?” You asked, playing it off as if your panties were not absolutely soaked at this point.

“I can't help it Y/n,” Your captain said, a smirk plastered on his face as he took your nipple into his mouth, biting it slightly. Another moan had left your lips as you pushed yourself against him, grinding your clothed wetness on his leg. “You're just so tasty.”

Luffy's other hand had come up to caress your other breast, kneading it slightly as his mouth left your nipple with a lewd popping sound.

“Luffy..” you whined as you placed your hands on his shoulders. You weren’t the patient type when it came to sex, you knew what you wanted and you wanted it now.

Luffy laughed slightly at the whine, clearly amused by your eagerness. He placed one more kiss against your breast as you were flipped over, your ass in the air, now facing Luffy, as you faced the wide-open deck of the sunny.

Your pants were off in an instant, thrown to the side along with your shirt and bra. You couldn't help but blush as you felt two fingers rub against your panties, and just as you thought, they were shamelessly soaked. “Fuck y/n..” you heard Luffy say as you felt pressure against the only piece of cloth you had left.

You had bit your lip to keep from moaning any louder as a tongue had found its way against your panties, licking the wetness that had seeped through your clothing.

Luffy licked and pressed his tongue against you, seemingly trying to taste as much of you as possible.

Your hips grinded against Luffy’s mouth as another moan escaped your lips. “Oh god-” you shuddered as you felt pressure against your clothed clit, you bit your arm to try and not bring attention to your situation.

The others were still awake, inside the sunny. You knew just how loud you could be when it came to sex. You then thought for a moment, your mouth releasing its pressure against your arm. You bit your lip slightly, the thought of being discovered was far too enticing. Thoughts of the muscular swordsman or the gorgeous navigator taking your moans as an invitation to fuck on another occasion were entirely distracting.

Your thoughts were cut short as you felt your panties tugged down your thighs and off your body. Your wetness was dripping down your thighs now, it was embarrassing being this turned on.

You felt Luffy lick a stripe up your thigh, licking the juices that had begun to drip down, leaving hickeys and bite marks on the way.

“Luffy you-AH!” You had begun to say as you felt your captain's mouth against your bare pussy. He was now licking and sucking more aggressively than before. You felt his tongue move between your lips, slurping up what was dripping out. The noises coming from your captain's mouth were incredibly lewd. You felt a hand on the cheek of your ass, spreading you more open as if you weren't begging to be eaten out.

His tongue slipped up and down, your juices collecting in his mouth only for him to swallow and do the same thing again. You felt his mouth suck against your clit, catching you off guard as another loud-ass moan left your mouth.

You wanted to say something, tell Luffy ‘more’ or ‘good’ but at the rate, he's going you weren't sure if you were going to be able to form an actual sentence. You wanted to tell him how good it felt but your trembling legs and your never-ending wetness were more than enough confirmation that Luffy was doing a damn good job.

You felt him flatted his tongue against you, once again licking at your dripping pussy, slurping up every drop of you.

You felt his tongue probe the entrance of your pussy, the wet appendage slipping inside not a moment later.

“GOd-'' was all you could manage as you were being tongue fucked by your captain. “Thank god for his devil fruit powers.” was all you could think as his tongue pressed against the sweet bundle of nerves deep inside of you. You squirmed at the feeling, you desperately grabbed at nothing as your eyes began to roll back, not expecting him to reach that deep inside you.

You felt his tongue touch every crevice of your insides, it was reaching so far back, moving so aggressively as if you tasted better than even the cooks' food.

Moans were constantly leaving your lips, your volume now unimportant as Luffy’s tongue slipped out of you to lick his lips, swallow, then dive back into your depths.

You weren't sure how much more of this you could take, it's as if he was eating you out for his own sake, not yours.

“Luffy, oh fuck.” you managed to groan out as your legs began to tremble slightly. You once again began to grab at nothing, clenching your fists together as you tightened against your captain's tongue.

“Luffy, I’m gonna come, fuck..” You said, your voice absolutely filled with lust, the only thing on your mind being your orgasm that was fast approaching.

“Mmhmm,” Luffy moaned out as he heard your words. His pace quickened after a moment, as of he wasn’t tongue fucking you aggressively enough. He slid his tongue deeper and quicker inside of you, his fingers now on your clit, rubbing it sweetly, the pace not at all matching the aggressive thrusts of his tongue.

“Fuck, Fuck!” You borderline yelled, as your orgasm approached you. Another few thrusts of Luffy’s tongue and you were gone. You clenched against the appendage, feeling it angle itself up and down, trying to collect every drop of cum that you had just released as you rode out your high.

“Luff-” you had begun to say as you felt his tongue leave your insides. He swallowed after a moment, licking his lips at the taste. He gave your pussy another lick, making sure all your wetness had made its way into his mouth.

Your pussy was dripping with spit and cum. You were shamelessly wet, your captain’s spit slipping out of you, and down your legs. You didn't know what to say, you had not been able to cum like that in far too long, and you refused to end it here.

You turned your head back, looking at your captain, his face now covered in your juices.

“How'd you learn to do that so well..” You asked weakly, you didn’t think you’d ever gotten head that good.

“What do ya mean?” Luffy asked, raising an eyebrow. “I just wanted to taste more of that pussy, you taste really good you know!” Luffy said entirely seriously.

Once again, a blush had found its way to your face. “Damn that’s so hot..” you mumbled to yourself, burying your face in your arms as you slowly lowered your backside now that you weren't being used like an ice cream machine. Luffy had different plans though.

You felt hands on your hips, pulling your ass back up into the air. You looked back at him, a lustful smile on his face.

“Tired already? I've only had a taste,” Luffy said, licking his lips. You were about to reply with a witty remark but were shut up by two fingers invading your entrance. “Mmm~” You moaned out as your eyes rolled back into your head, it seems your words would be limited as long as your captain kept surprising you like this.

“There's something I wanna check,” Luffy said, grabbing your thigh with one hand and fingering you with the other. “O..k.” you managed to get out as you felt Luffy’s fingers fuck you deep. His movements were, strange, their goal didn't seem to be teasing or getting you off, more like, he was looking for something.

Luffy's expression seemed determined and curious, seemingly trying to prove something. You were confused as to what at first before you felt him rub directly and aggressively against your g spot.

“OH, my fucking god-” You yelped as you felt his fingers press adamantly against that specific place. Luffy smiled at your reaction.

Luffy's fingers were no longer focused on thrusting in and out, but now they were circling your g spot adamantly.

Luffy took his hand off your thigh and moved it to your waist. He stretched his arm around your waist, holding you tightly and securely. He shifted his position, his other arm now having more room to do its thing. You weren't sure why he had suddenly changed your position, even if it was only slightly, but then your questions were once again swiftly answered.

Luffy thrust his fingers into you sharply and deeper than he had before, the tips of his fingers curled up specifically to touch the different feeling section of your pussy. You gasped extraordinarily loudly, trying your best to fuck yourself back on his fingers.

“Oh god Luffy, harder!” you said, your hips moving desperately against his fingers, Luffy still rubbing against that specific bundle of nerves deep inside you.

The sounds of squishing filled the deck beautifully. The incredibly lewd noise only made you wetter, making it easier for Luffy to slip another finger in, which he did.

Your thighs were dripping wet at this point, as you were desperate to cum once again as you begged and pleaded for Luffy to keep doing what he was doing.

“Please Luffy.” “don’t stop.” “Right there! Right there!” “fuck!” was all you could manage out as he fully obliged you.

His fingers furiously rubbing the spot inside you that made you go so crazy all of a sudden.

He rubbed fierce circles against that specific spot, making you plead and moan for him to continue, you were so close. “Cum..I’m gonna cum, Fuck-” you said impatiently, and not a moment later, you came all over Luffy’s fingers.

He continued to thrust his fingers inside, letting you ride out your high for the second time tonight.

You clenched against his fingers as you came harder than you had previously, your body giving out on itself as you did.

Luffy's arm held you safely up so you wouldn't fall onto the deck. He turned you around, giving you a smirk as he licked his fingers sloppily. “Fuck that’s hot..” you thought for the third time today as you pulled yourself closer to Luffy.

“I’ve never came that hard in my life, you knew exactly what to do huh?” you asked with a laugh and Luffy just raised an eyebrow at you, again.

“Not really I just wanted to know what that weird feeling spot inside you was,” he said and you stare blankly at him. “You gotta be kidding me..” you thought as you laughed.

“I was just wondering if it would make a difference if I rubbed against that spot real hard, it seems like I was right!.” he said with a snicker, proud of himself for giving you such a powerful orgasm.

You smiled slightly, you knew Luffy could do anything to you and you’d happily take it. You placed your hand on Luffy’s chest, your other hand sliding off his unbuttoned shirt.

“Why should you be fully clothed when I’m totally naked?” You asked, once again sliding your dripping heat on Luffy’s thigh, spit and cum making his leg glistened wetly.

This time, Luffy was the one with a blush creeping onto his cheeks.

You grinned at your accomplishment as you took off your captain's shirt, throwing it similarly to how he did your clothes.

You smiled at your achievement, sliding down his body, a hand on his chest, another on the extremely noticeable bulge in your captain's pants. You slid your tongue down Luffy's chest, stopping once you got to his stomach, and seeing his muscular frame.

You placed a kiss right above the seam of his pants, a soft moan being heard from above.

You couldn't help but feel cocky at your newfound position, it was your turn now to make Luffy moan.

You slid down his pants slightly, both of your hands placed on the seam, pulling it down to reveal an erect cock. It bounced slightly as it was pulled out, and you couldn't help but start to salivate at the sight. You looked up at your captain, a hand on the base of his cock, you placed your cheek against the side of it, licking your lips as you gazed into Luffy’s lidded eyes. You smirked and gave his tip a lick, then a kiss.

Your hand starts to move up and down Luffy’s length slowly, keeping your eye contact with him. You felt the lust in his eyes, he was clearly holding back earlier, allowing you to cum twice before he had even paid attention to himself. You purred at the thought, now was the time to show him your thanks.

You took the tip of him into your mouth, sucking ever so slightly as you tasted the precum that was already dripping from him. You took him deeper, inch by inch, slowly bobbing your head up and down on his length.

You felt a hand in your hair after a moment, and as you looked up, you saw a different expression from the usual carefree pirate. He was lustful, entirely and desperately, and it was all your doing. You smiled slightly as you took him deeper, the tip of his dick touching the back of your throat.

Luffy was bigger than you expected, though you were sure he could make himself bigger if he really wanted to.

You were glad for your former experience with blowjobs, or you would have certainly have been gagging by now.

“Shit..” you heard Luffy moan out as the grip in your hair became tighter. You felt a wave of pleasure wash over you at the feeling of Luffy tugging your head down ever so slightly.

You moaned, the vibrations making Luffy’s dick twitch inside of your mouth.

You slid your tongue against him, licking and sucking the tip with every thrust, up and down.

Then suddenly, you lifted your head up, eyes meeting your captains. Luffy looked back at you, you felt his dick twitch under your grip.

“Fuck my mouth, captain,” you said, noticing the hesitance of your captain. “Don't worry, i can take it,” you said proudly, and not a second later, your mouth was back onto his dick.

“God, you are irresistible.” Luffy groaned out as the grip in your hair grew much together than before, the tinge of painful strain being drowned out by the sensation of your captain's dick constantly hitting the back of your throat.

He slammed your head against his cock, tears welling up in the side of your eyes as you weren't expecting him to be so rough with you so quickly, but you weren't complaining.

Luffy had clearly been close for a while now, judging by down desperately and erratically he was using your mouth.

Spit dribbled out of your mouth, the sloppy pounding making your spit fling and drip down your chin.

You felt yourself become wetter and wetter at the thought of Luffy pounding into you the same way he was using your mouth right now. You moaned at the thought, a long drawn out “Mhmm..” causing Luffy to quicken his pace.

“I'm gonna cum..y/n..” Luffy said, his pace even more erratic than it was. You moaned, as a way of telling him to continue and he obliged.

Your head was pushed and pulled, his dick rubbing inside you as your tongue dragged and licked what it could.

“Fuck, fuck.” you heard Luffy say as he held your head down onto his dick tightly, his dick far deeper inside your mouth than you had thought possible.

You felt a warm liquid start to invade your mouth and you swallowed around his dick as he thrust into you a few more times to ride out his high.

You felt his cum slide down your throat and you hummed slightly as he pulled his dick out, panting slightly as he let go of your head, the sweet tinge of pain being lost.

You caressed your neck, thinking you might be sore the next few days. You looked at Luffy, licking the cum that dripped onto your lip.

“Yum,” you said playfully as you stared at your captain.

You stared at him, still lustful and concerned that the night would be cut short, but you then noticed his cock was still hard, twitching in front of you.

“You think you can go for another round?” you asked as you crawled on Luffy’s lap. You were still dripping wet, your insides throbbing at the thought of being absolutely fucked. You slid your pussy against the tip of Luffy’s dick, teasing him ever so slightly before you felt yourself slam down onto him. Luffy’s hands were on your hips, fucking you as you sat on his lap.

The thoughts you had were gone, you're only concerned with the pleasure you felt inside of you.

Shit Luffy,” you yelped, bouncing on top of him as he helped you steady. Your hands were on his shoulders, your moans becoming louder than before, some moans being borderline screams after a few harder thrusts.

You took Luffy’s lips against your, kissing sloppily and deeply, your tongues dancing together lustfully.

You bit your lip, about to say something witty, but you were cut off by a voice in the distance.

You froze, looking over your shoulder, you didn't see anything but the voice seemed to be calling out to you.

“Y/n Dear! Where'd you go?” You heard the cook call out, and a blush instantly formed in your face. Though the thought of being caught in the act wasn't a turn-off at all, you weren't sure how Sanji would react to Luffy being balls deep inside you out in the open.

“I made a drink for you!” he called out and you could practically hear the hearts in his eyes.

“Oh and Luffy if you're out here you can have on too I guess,” Sanji said, his tone much less excited.

You couldn't quite see him from where you two were, luckily there were boxes of supplies you had yet to put back from your shopping spree in the way, blocking the view.

You looked back at Luffy, a blush covering your face and neck, but Luffy had a smirk on his face. Your eyes widened as you knew exactly what he was thinking.

“Luffy you-” you whispered but were shut up by Luffy’s movement.

In almost an instant, you were flipped over, ass in the air once again but this time, instead of fingers invading your insides, it was Luffy’s dick.

You instantly covered your mouth with your hands, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you felt the intense sensation of being fucked. It had been far too long since you’d had a good fuck which only make you that more sensitive.

“Damn your tight..” Luffy whispered as he tightened his grip on your hips and began to slam into you. The noises that were being made only made your blush grow deeper. All you could do was tighten against his cock and muffle your moans as best as you could.

One thrust after another, you were breaking apart. Saliva was dripping all over your hands as your attempts to quiet yourself began to break apart.

“So..deep..” you mumbled quietly as you bit your finger, almost causing yourself to bleed.

Your vision was blurry with tears, you hadn't had pleasure like this in a while.

“Y/n! Where are you, sweetie! Come back, I miss you!” you heard Sanji shout flirtily. You opened your mouth to say something, but Luffy decided to thrust into you incredibly deep and all that came out was a pathetic whimper.

You mouthed the words, ‘Oh. my. God.’ to no one in particular as the sloppy, wet noises only became more noticeable.

Luffy held your hips tight, pounding into you hard, almost like he wanted you to make sounds and be found out by the cook.

The only things that left your mouth were breathy moans and desperate whines as you felt your orgasm start to creep up for the third time tonight. Your legs were shaking and Luffy knew you were close.

You heard footsteps and bit your arm desperately. You heard the steps go up and down the deck, then silence.

“Tch, bet Luffy made her play some dumb game with her,” he said as you heard him turn around. Your heart was beating incredibly fast, but as his footsteps faded it became slightly more regular.

You turned around to see the man who was buried inside of you and all you could see over your tear-filled eyes was a smirk. You opened your mouth but were cut off for the eighth time this evening.

“When you're done, come back inside, or the food will go to waste,” Sanji shouted and all you could do was moan.

Seemed like Sanji knew you two were doing something out here, but not exactly what which was somewhat comforting. You weren't sure if the loud wet slapping sounds gave him an idea of what you two were up to but it didn't seem like he did.

You breathed out, not realizing you were holding your breath as you felt another deep thrust. Hard, deep, and fast. Your pussy couldn’t take this kind of loving abuse for much longer.

You clenched around him and finally let your voice out, moaning far louder than you intended.

“Oh fuck Luffy, you’re gonna make me cum again,” you said breathily, your pussy just about as wet as it could be as the deep thrusts of your captain egged on your release.

“Me too, Y/n,” he said breathily as his thrusts began to quicked. You tightened around him and bit your lip. “Yes, Yes, Right There!” you yelled as you came on his dick. His thrusts continued through your third orgasm and a few moments later, you felt the warm release of your captain as well.

He stayed inside of you for a few seconds after two, the more thrusts then he pulled out, cum dripping out of your pussy and onto the deck of the sunny.

You finally collapsed on the hardwood deck as you panted, feeling completely satisfied.

“You're ..so..” you started to say. “Good..” you managed to get out as you felt arms wrap around you. Luffy leaned you against him, giving you a kiss on the cheek. You cuddled up into him and all you could do was smile at what happened.

You laughed and kissed him back.

“Let's do this again huh..?” you asked and closed your eyes, your head leaning against his chest.

“Only if you say you love me,” Luffy said and your smile only grew wider.

“How could I not love you, captain?” you asked playfully as you two recovered from the night's events.

“Damn, that was hot.” the swordsman said as he looked out of the crows nest and onto the deck, seeing the scene that had unfolded under him.

Zoro stroked his dick, his thumb pressing the tip of it as precum started to seep out.

“What I wouldn't do for a night with her..” he said to himself, a hand brushing through his green hair, another adamantly stroking his cock. He smirked at himself, thinking of what he was going to do to you as soon as he had you alone.

There’s a part 2 on my Ao3 if you’re interested lol- ( https://archiveofourown.org/works/30691979 )

Anyways- I do requests so feel free to suggest some fic ideas!

[strangelittlestories]

Now, when you’re one of the fair folk, your nature is at its core kinda changeable. So growing up, as I did, mostly around humans, my body kinda figured it should copy what they were doing.

Like, “Oh hey, it’s cool how that bit lump of muscle makes your circulatory system do its thing, mind if I get in on that action? Because up till now I’ve been getting by on osmosis and good vibes, and folks are starting to get freaked out by my *complete lack of breath and heartbeat*”.

Don’t get me wrong, it was really handy for blending in. I can only imagine how awful life would have been if the creepy goth kid dial hadn’t gotten turned down from eleven. (It hovered instead at a very respectable seven to eight.) But it did mean I had all these important squishy bits where someone could - oh, I don’t know - stick a sharp piece of metal.

So there I am, a hole gaping through my ribcage and heart, and my body’s all like “Welp, looks like closing time. Guess I’d better pour all this old blood down the drain and shut up shop. Good game, everyone, good game…”

And I’m like “Hey, physical form, no-one bloody well asked you for your opinion, did they? So for starters, you are going to put a pin in that bleeding thing right this gods-damned second. And while you’re cutting that nonsense out, I’m going to take a second to think about Next Steps.”

Maybe it was the massive blood loss, or the emotional trauma, or just the fact that everything I’d ever attempted had gone so colossally down the pan … but the more I thought about it, the less attached I was to this whole ‘human form’ thing anyway.

Yeah, maybe … maybe it would be nice to just, like, return to the earth? But not like, in a sad hippy ‘embrace my own oblivion’ way. More in a ‘behold my dread ascension as I shuck aside the flesh that once caged me’ way. Ooooh yes, I may be leaving the omni-shambles of flesh-and-blood behind (goodbye skin-sack full of meat and emotions and *hormones*), but damn it I was gonna hang on to my consciousness.

And that was gonna take a whole lot of power.

I started by eating my own body. Y’know one great thing about dirt? Given enough time it’ll chow down on basically *anything* organic. Yup, mother nature is hungry and her teeth are made of fungus and bacteria and decay.

I sped the process up as much as I could and before long, my former fleshsuit was so much mulch.

But that still wasn’t enough to fully shuck off my mortal prison. My spirit still clung stubbornly to my bones.

I needed more juice.

Luckily, I was in a field full of sadness and corpses and those are *both* great magic fuel.

Did I feel bad about eating the Knights of the Round Table (plus all of my knights, who just sat at normal tables, I guess)? Yes, I did. I felt like ass about it.

Did I do it anyway?

Oh you better believe it.

And before long, bingo bango, Gawain is your uncle … I was free.

For over a thousand years after that, I roamed and dreamed and slept in late amongst the bones and the detritus of yesteryear. I had a grand old time. I got my news from the roots of trees, and from the synapses of the recent dead, and eventually even from telephone wires.

Not that I really cared much what was going on up in the world of mortals. I’d left that behind and, from your perspective, what I was doing was probably more like lucid dreaming than anything you’d recognise as life.

But that all changed on one earth-shatteringly dreadful day when I woke up and opened my eyes and I knew immediately something had gone very wrong. For starters, I had eyes again.

And worse than that was what I saw with those eyes when I looked down, because in my hand was a sword and not just any sword! No, this particular woebegone streak of piss-tempered steel was the very blade that I had last seen sticking out of my own heart.

“Hi Mordred.” Excalibur said to me. “Been a while.”

When dad and me died*, his death resulted in a whole *production*; tears were shed, swords were thrown into rivers, and grandma hid him away in a custom-built tomb** so he could come back ‘when like, we really need him, y’know’?

(*Okay, fine, that’s maybe not the most honest phrasing. It’d probably have been more accurate to say “When I killed Dad and he killed me”. And it would have been most accurate to say “when I impaled Dad with a spear and the *absolute madman* clawed his way up the haft inch-by-painstaking-inch to stab me in the heart with his magic sword”.)

(**Like, seriously, did she just have a mystical suspended-animation tomb ready to go? That’s creepy. It’s not just me right, that’s a little weird?)

But me? I was just left to rot on Pelennor Fields with all the other riff-raff.

(Wait, SHIT - Pelennor Fields is the Tolkein one, isn’t it? The fields of *Camlan* are where I died. Sorry about that - in my defence, I died many centuries and several Lord of the Rings binges ago.)

I guess I should be grateful that they left me alone. It wasn’t so long ago (and not so long after) that traitors to the crown used to get their heads displayed on pikes or hung in gibbets. But folks were pretty busy with king dad’s big send-off and mourning the dream of chivalry (plus burying all the dead folks they actually liked), so no-one really bothered with tidying up the remains of the traitor prince. 

Plus, I think most of the knights and nobles had thought I was a bit of a weirdo and didn’t want any more to do with me in death than they did in life. Probably afraid that I’d reanimate and use my last foetid breaths to tell them about a cool mushroom I’d found. Then they wouldn’t know how to respond, and it’d just be *awkward*, y’know?

So anyway, there I was, lying there with my blood soaking the dirt and my vital organs getting decidedly less vital by the second. And all around me was a whole field of other dead people that I’d gotten killed and honestly I was feeling pretty shitty about the whole thing.

How was I dead and still feeling shitty you ask? Well, first of all: I am a multi-tasker. And second of all: I guess I wasn’t maybe *all-the-way* dead*.

(*Or rather: I was very much dead, but I was *also* very much in my body and doing a big old hecking panic about that, thank you very much.)

Something you should probably know about me: I was adopted. Yeah yeah, I know you’ve heard the propaganda, that my mum and dad were brother and sister and that’s where a lot of my *fundamental weirdness* comes from. And *yes*, they were siblings, but *no* it wasn’t like that. Dear old mum and dear dead dad *found me*. 

Specifically, they found me in a weird-ass cave spattered in the blood of a monster they’d just slain (it was A Whole Thing, I’ll tell you about it some other time).

They figured that the beast had stolen me after killing my family or something like that.

This was incorrect.

A certain bearded crap-o-mancer speculated that I was the *beastie’s* boy, but that’s wrong too.

The truth is weirder. You see … I was the cave’s kid.

Yup. Child of the earth, right here. Or to give a less flattering but more apt name … I was a dirtbag.

[that-angry-noldo]

I Guess I'm D(e)ad Now

(Watch the RoP, they said. I will be fun, they said. They won't write stuff like "I cut Sauron in half", they said. *throws this at your feet*)

-O-×-O-

Acting Figures:

Sauron, the Dark Lord of Middle-Earth

Adar, the glorified babysitter of his kin

Two Maiar, servants of Sauron, persumably fallen spirits of Irmo

A cleaner orc

An experiment orc

A bunch of kids (paint them green that should work)

-O-×-O-

SCENE 1. THE SPIRIT OF SAURON APPEARS AT THE SEASHORE, LOOKING UTTERLY OUTRAGED.

Sauron: what the hell.

Sauron, raising his voice: what the heLL

Sauron, mending himself a new body: what in the ACTUAL ABSOLUTE EVERLOVING HELL-

(Sauron is busy trying to stuff himself into the new body. A seagull caws.)

Sauron, snapping: no, YOU SHUT UP! Eru, I swear to- BY MORGOTH THIS IS A HUMAN BODY ERU! COULDN'T YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING BETTER! I- bruh. bruh. No. No. This is fine. Everything's fine. EXCEPT I'M GOING TO- I'M GOING TO- oh no, no, death is a merciful release. No, he's gonna suffer. He's gonna suffer until I cage his GODDAMN FEA- UNTIL I-

(The scene desolves into mutters and screams that slowly fade in the distance.)

-

SCENE TWO. SAURON'S LATEST HIDING SPOT. ADAR STANDS BY THE POOL OF BLOOD, WATCHING AS SAURON'S FORM SLOWLY DISSOLVES INTO ASH.

Maia 1: Bruh.

Maia 2, slowly backing away: Bruh-

Adar, blinking: In my defence.

Maia 1: Dude.

Adar: In my defence, I had no idea it'll actually work.

Maia 2, now fully in the corner: Dude, uncool.

Adar: Is. He's dead.

Maia 1: He's dead.

Maia 2: As dead as a dead man can be.

Adar: This. Cannot be right.

Maia 1, throwing him all the paperwork: I mean, yeah, hah man, good luck with that! I Am No Longer Sticking Along. Nah. Nah-nah-nah dude, get away that sword by the way, would you? Cool, cool. Man. Man. I. Do not want to be here when he shows up in all his wrath. GOOD LUCK BYE I'M OUTTA HERE

Maia 2, now completely alone, looking at the blood, whispering: dude.

Adar, paperwork in his hands: I. I just wanted to. Check in. And stuff.

Maia 2: you murdered him in cold blood.

Adar, frowning: I mean, he was commiting several violations of orc rights, wasn't he?

(An experimental orc, still tied to the altar, nods vigoruosly. Maia 2 hisses at them. Adar frowns some more, his hand gripping his sword. Maia 2 screeches and dissolves into thin air. Adar stands alone, still processing.)

Cleaner orc, walking past him: not the bri'test, ain't ya?

Adar: Wha- Oh! Sorry. Sir. I have-

Cleaner orc: killed that bas'ard of a g'neral, yea. Saw it wit' my own eye. Still 'ave that, mate. (Grins and points to his last remaining eye.) Man, hated that guy anyway. (Proceeds to clean the blood.) Why you starin'? Go make yourself useful! Here, take tis. (Throws him a knife.) Go watch over the youn'lin's. Feed 'em. Sumthin. That bastard, tried to feed us elvish meat!

(Adar and Cleaner orc both grimace. Experimental orc shakes their head.)

Adar: Are there still elves here?

Cleaner orc: Nah, nah. We ran otta those long ago. Still have conserved meat, tho. You wanna take care of that? It stinks, mate, that much I'll tell- (baby cry interrupts the cleaner, and he frowns.) Now, why you standin' there like a glorified statue? The kids be cryin', man! Get to work!

(Adar, still baffled, leaves the room. A bunch of orcish kids stare at him expectangly.)

Adar: well.

Adar, taking one of them in lap: I guess no one have ever told you about that time Stinky was smashed to death by Gothmog, didn't they?

[oreosmilkshakes]

Not All Roses have Thorns

Summary: The Winter Soldier meets the local florist. What could go wrong?

Pairing: Female Reader x FATWS!Bucky Barnes

Word count: 1.6K

Warnings: None, just pure fluff

A/N: Well, this is my new fanfic blog after a big revamp. This is my first fanfic too! Do comment on how it is! Beta’d by the amazing @thebestdecoder

“Thank you, Mrs. Zhang. And don’t forget to water those orchids every once a week!” Y/N smiled kindly at the elderly woman, waving at her as she left your store. Another ordinary day for Brooklyn’s sweetest florist. Y/N hummed to herself and picked up a water spray, tending to the yellow Begonia situated in front of the large display window of her little store.

Y/N loved everything about her store. The arrangement of flowers indicated how passionate she was in caring for them and each morning, the perfect amount of sunlight would shine down on the row of flowers. It always made Y/N smile, the morning glow never failed to lift Y/N’s morning blues. She continued humming to herself, in her own little world until the familiar bunch of bells chimed. Y/N was too deep into her little world to realize she had a customer. She swayed to the tune, moving on to the Carnations.

Bucky Barnes didn't think he would ever need to step into a flower shop, ever, but here he was, searching for a bouquet for his newest date. This was his first successful online date, and he was not going to mess it up by arriving empty-handed, especially after Yori commented about 'upping his game'. Bucky didn't even know why he bothered going on dates like this. They usually end after one date, which didn't surprise Bucky. The man was practically an awkward mess, but despite all that, he still has his charms. Bucky's eyes fell on the swaying figure, amusement grew in his chest. He cleared his throat, attempting to catch Y/N's attention.

And it worked.

Y/N jumped in shock from the noise behind her, turning around. Cerulean eyes met with chocolate ones. Y/N mentally smacked herself for not noticing she had a customer earlier. "Good morning! I'm sorry, I didn't hear you come in. I was…," Y/N laughed nervously, gesturing to her flowers with red cheeks. Bucky kindly waved her off. "It's alright. I saw you were busy and chose to wait," He approached the Tulips arrangements. "These are beautiful," Bucky murmured, leaning in to closely examine the flowers.

Meanwhile, Y/N was drooling over her new customer. He was tall, his hair was short and stubble covered his sharp jaw. Holy Daffodils, who is this man? Her eyes fell onto his gloved hands. It was spring and Y/N was sure gloves weren't used during this time of the season but oh well, she wasn't the one to judge. "Oh, those are Red Tulips. I arranged them myself," Y/N smiled to herself, setting down the water spray, and approached Bucky. The closer she got to the Adonis, the more she realized how attractive the man is. Y/N forced herself to snap out of her little imagination and cleared her throat.

"Did you know Tulips symbolize love and the arrival of spring?"

Bucky hummed, turning to face Y/N with a small smile. "Is that so? I'll take a bouquet," Y/N smiled her brightest smile. "Of course, mister. Let me get them for you!"

Bucky has never met a woman this cheery about flowers before, especially one that was adorable as Y/N. His eyes fixated on her figure as Y/N got to work on the bouquet.

For once, Bucky feels peace among the flowers and the beautiful florist. He approached the Sunflowers, leaning down to take a whiff of it. He glanced over his shoulder, watching Y/N work.

"I'm Bucky," He blurted. Y/N turned to Bucky with a smile. "I'm Y/N. It's nice to meet you. Here, I'm almost done with your bouquet," Y/N gathered the Tulips and brought them over to wrap them up into a bouquet. "So... If you don't mind me asking... Who's the lucky lady?" Y/N looked up at Bucky. Bucky slipped his hands into his jean pockets, walking over to the florist. "Just some date I found online. A friend advised me to 'up my game'," Y/N laughed at Bucky's words. "Is that so?" Bucky hummed in response, leaning a hip against the counter.

"One final touch and… Done!" Y/N tied the ribbon around the stem of the bouquet before handing it over to Bucky. "That'll be $40 but for you, 25,"

"Y/N, you know I can't do that," Bucky placed a full payment and made his way to the entrance. Y/N's heart fluttered at Bucky's gesture, her cheeks growing red once again.

"Thank you, Bucky. I hope your date goes well,"

Bucky turned, eyes meeting with Y/N's. "I hope so too, doll,"

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Since that fateful day, Y/N has never stopped thinking about the tall hunk of meat that stepped into her little flower shop. She wondered every day what he was up to and hoped that each chime of the bell hanging from the door, it was him that entered her little shop. However, none of them were him and Y/N grew a little sadder each day.

It was a day like any other. Y/N was seated behind the counter, chin resting on her palm with her glasses on her nose and book in her free hand. The familiar chime of the bell pulled Y/N's attention away from her book to the door.

"Welc-Bucky?" Y/N could have sworn her heart skipped a beat at the sight of the handsome man. It had been a week since he bought a bouquet from her. Y/N wondered how his date went.

Bucky's lips spread into a grin. "Hey, Y/N. How's it going?" Y/N inhaled deeply. "Good! I've been good! Keeping my flowers company and all that. How was your date?"

Now it was Bucky's turn to inhale. "It went alright. She loved the flowers, by the way, so thank you. But she said it was going to be a one-time thing," Bucky shrugged, approaching the cashier and leaned on it.

Y/N looked at the Super Soldier with a pitiful expression. "I'm sorry, Bucky. But hey! I'm glad she enjoyed the flowers at least," She chuckled softly, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. Y/N's eyes drifted away but when it met with Bucky's again, she immediately took notice that he was staring at her.

Bucky cleared his throat, looking away. Damn, he got caught staring.

"So, how-," The Super Soldier got cut off by the bell. Y/N perked up, greeting her customers with a smile. "I'm sorry, Bucky, I have to attend to them,"

"No problem, doll. I gotta go," Bucky smiled, waving to Y/N once before leaving.

Y/N was a little disappointed Bucky didn't stay but he seemed like a busy man anyway.

Ever since Bucky's second visit, the man never stopped coming back every day to have a chat with Y/N. Of course, Bucky couldn't exactly tell Y/N a lot about him considering his dark past. He didn't need to tell. Y/N's curious nature got the best of her.

On Bucky's fifth visit to the flower shop, Y/N finally decided to ask the big question. "Bucky, what's with the gloves? Why do you wear them each time? It's Spring, you know?" Y/N laughed slightly. Bucky tensed a little from the question. He could lie about it like how he does each time but Bucky trusted Y/N. He liked her.

Bucky sighed softly and moved to say something when Y/N cut him off, moving to stand in front of the man.

"Oh, you don't have to tell me.."

"No, no. I'll tell you," Bucky pinched his left glove and pulled it out.

Y/N's eyes widened in shock, jaws slacked. The metal shone brightly under the afternoon sun.

"Bucky..," Y/N reached forward, taking his Vibranium hand in hers. The metal was cool against Y/N's fingers.

"What happened?"

Bucky hesitated a little but eventually spilled what happened to his arm and of course, leaving out the time when he's all Winter Soldier.

Turns out, Y/N found out Bucky was one of them superheros. The big smile never left her lips as she moved to hug the Super Soldier. "Thank you for telling me..," Y/N's arms tightened around Bucky's neck in the tight hug. Bucky leaned into the hug, his hands held Y/N's waist in a soft grip. Now that the cat was out of the bag, Bucky decided that his next course of action would be appropriate.

The Super Soldier pulled away slightly from the hug. "Doll, I was wondering if you'd like to have some coffee with me,"

Y/N blushed, looking up at the clock on the wall. "Well, I'd love that, Bucky. In fact, lunch is right now," Y/N pulled away from the hug, removing her apron, and grabbed her keys and jacket.

As soon as Y/N stepped out that door with Bucky, both knew that this was the start of something beautiful. Bucky had found his anchor of peace in the form of the local florist.

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Bonus:

Sam peered over Bucky's shoulder, reading the texts Bucky was sending quickly to this 'Y/N'.

"Damn, Bucky. I didn't know you had it in you,"

Bucky sighed, turning his phone off and turned to Sam.

"Who is she?" Sam crossed his arms, a smirk on his lips.

"My girlfriend, okay? Now, focus on the mission,"

Sam laughed lightly and Bucky knew he'd never hear the end of this.