#anyway. how ppl have perceived me is changing

[no-way-hes-vagueposting]

ALWAYS A DYKE NEVER A WOMAN -> ALWAYS A FAGGOT NEVER A MAN PIPELINE

[stuckinapril]

At a point in my life where coming off as racially ambiguous is bothering me bc I want to be proudly Arab more than ever before

[cartoonrival]

i was supposed to wait to become visibly unemployable until past a particular date when i was potentially going to have to meet some industry people but shaving my head had a bigger impact on my vibe than i expected

[phagodyke]

weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<

[grecoromanyaoi]

and another thing! (this will b a v long armchair analysis + rant abt Our Society im sorry in advance) i think one of the things that bug me so much abt modern historical fiction depicting sexuality as identity rather than action (having sex w another man makes u a homosexual vs. having sex w another man is enacting homosexuality) when the latter approach has been much more prevalent in history is how much it reflects modern mainstream+progressive western society's view of identity and oppression.

like many progressives treat identities, esp marginalized/oppressed identities as these... divine truths that r not only congenital but r instantly visible to everyone rather than fluid MADE UP DEFINITIONS, when again, the latter has often been the case throughout most of history n is even sometimes the case today. for example culture, n by extent ethnicity n even race, has been a fluid, conscious choice in many cases throughout history. u could convert ur religion n culture n therefore ur ethnic identity or even race n simply not b marginalized anymore. thats even sometimes the case today. many, many ppl r a name change and maybe an accent coach away from being perceived as 100% white, as fundamentally being white.

throughout most of at least western history (but im sure this is far from exclusive this is just the one im more familiar w), homosexuality has been an action, not an identity. hell, its even a choice today. u dont choose who to b attracted to, obv, but identifying as gay, seeking intimacy w members of the same sex, coming out - these r all conscious choices. im not saying 'oh ur oppressed? have u tried not being' or anything n in a better world theyd b absolutely neutral choices that hold no societal repercussions whatsoever, but they r choices nonetheless (also like. ppl acting as if the mere personal identity as trans or gay or bi or nonbinary makes u a victim of direct homophobia n transphobia, even if ur closeted n perceived by one and all as a gender conforming cishet. but whatever!).

anyways these views of identities as rigid congenital universal truths drive me insane, esp when u enforce that view on a setting where that v much wasnt the case

[aayakashii]

if you feel bothered by this question, feel free to delete, im just genuinely curious why you don't write for ships? /genq im really just curious

No no it's okay!! Actually thanks for asking this in a nice way lmao

How can I explain this. I have always had a really hard time seeing most (keyword: most) relationships in media as something else besides friendships or queerplatonic relationships.

For a very long time, I thought something was wrong with me lol but then I found out that some aroace people feel like this too – not all aroace ppl, obviously!! And that's not to say I don't ship ever, because I do (one of the ships I would go to war for is Nami x Vivi from One Piece), but I also do have a harder time seeing interactions between canon characters in a way that isn't queerplatonic most of the time. And to understand WHY, I had to first discover myself as someone who's in the aromantic spectrum.

Anyway, this makes it easier for me to write x reader stories because the reader themself is kind of a blank slate? I can develop in my mind how they'll feel/react/think, and the same goes for the canon characters – I can set in my mind how they react to a reader that acts in the specific way I'm writing, which makes it easier for me to see why and/or how they fell for the reader.

Long story short, I'm in the ace-spec and the aro-spec and this changes the way I perceive things

Disclaimeeerrr: not all aroace ppl feel like this; some have an entirely opposite experience, and that's OKAY, sexual and romantic orientations aren't set in stone after all etc etc etc I'm just giving my own perspective in this specific matter okayyyy thanks

[wachtelspinat]

Hey ! I’ve been seeing your art going around since your midnight crew stuff and I just recently stubble across your tumblr, thank to your beautiful overwatch art for our beloveds junkers ! I’ve been scrolling through your account and read about your experience of being a former graphic designer who is a doctor now. And damn. I can’t emphasize how much I admire you, especially as someone who is struggling really hard to choose between 2 careers paths ( with one of them being art related ). This is why I was wondering if you would be open to talk about how and why you switched from art to medecine ? Especially because most of the time I feel it happens more the other way around ? ( If it’s too personal just ignore this ask + sorry if you already talked about it before )

hey ! no worries, i don't expect ppl to scroll through my tumblr to find an answer for a question they might have. first of all thanks for your nice words, means a lot <3

i switched from art to medicine because my early 20-something-self was even more anxiety-ridden than my present-self, and being in art school and having to "perform" regularly was a nightmare. i'm talking about a time in which i was so scared of being perceived that i often skipped grocery shopping, just so i could avoid being around people. so like, pitching art related projects to peers and profs was eeh... especially because art is so personal oh my god. i still hate it when someone tries to sneak a peek while i'm drawing, makes me wanna throw my sketchbook and myself off the bridge. anyways so i always felt a 110% inadequate (plus i got a gf during that time who was so good to me and tried to get me out of my funk on multiple occasions (she was and still is an artist and has now a career as a freelancer and i'm rly proud of her) but i couldn't see that because i just compared the two of us all the time and sabotaged any attempt she made for having fun with drawing with her) that i sat down at some point and asked myself if i could do this any longer, and i came to the conclusion that no, it really kills me rn.

what made me go into the health sector? i don't even know anymore, i think it was a mixture of "i loved biology, esp. the human body in school" and "my mum is an icu nurse and talks a lot about hospitals, maybe i should check it out"... it was not a well thought through decision, which is so funny because studying medicine was a hell of a meatgrinder ride (also my anxiety and self hatred? still there, but now i wasn't judged anymore because of my art but instead being called a dumb idiot collectively with all the other students because nobody likes med students) and for some reason i was able to get through that despite it not being my passion at all, but i couldn't stand up for myself in art school. i don't even know if i could work through it nowadays, but the good thing is i don't have to ask myself this question anymore, because being a doctor pays the bills, and ever since i left art school i was able to just draw without consequence. which is nice to a degree, my artistic output is not tied to the means of generating money. on the other hand... idk, in another life with more confidence and less worries, i'd love to be some sort of character designer T_T

so yeah that's basically it. at some times i cherished my career decisions, at other times i regretted them deeply, worst thing is i know it has a lot to do with personality, but the fact that we can't change who we are with a blink of an eye gives me the framework to think that the path i took was ok. as in. things happened for a reason and maybe i'm just not cut out for that kind of work. you have to be aware of the conditions of a job to decide if you are up for it. because being an artist doesn't end with "just draw". i myself had an unrealistic view of the job back then too. and the fact that i could not seperate between personal aspects and "doing a job here" was crucial.

yeah, idk if this is helpful at all. i think the one thing that is super important here is to have a realistic view on the conditions of work you are about to head into, and i know this is mostly very difficult to aquire. because unless you really work in a sector there is often no way to fully grasp the situations you can find yourself in (this applied for me also in the health sector, which made me fall into a depression a year ago, but what do you do after you spent 6 years of studying :') ). doing internships and just trying to get to know a lot of things really helps. and - idk how old you are, but if you're really young: it's ok to switch careers at some point. it's even ok to do so when you are older (trying to end on a positive note here because it feels like i just said a lot of depressing things... like don't get me wrong i like my job, the conditions are just fucked up, and again my personality prevents me from switching again but it's also not that easy in germany, BUT it's a valid thing to do, being versatile is good! just... make sure you don't end up with a job that you absolutely hate because that kills it all)

[expectopatronum18]

For me, the psychology of how the games work is even creepier than sending 23 kids to be murdered on television each year. Because not only are these 12 - 18yr old kids being forced to engage in a bloody fight for their survival, or commit atrocities that'll haunt them for the rest of their lives; they are also forced to do so on the terms of the Capitol audience. The hunger games weren't just created as a punishment to the districts. One of the main aspects of it was to provide entertainment to the people of the Capitol.

So during the games, not only do they have to cope with the fact that they could be murdered any second, they should also be cautious of how their actions affect the mood of their audience. In terms of it being a reality show, showing their expertise is enough to gain them some recognition, but what really gains them audience sponsors is behaving in the exact way that is desirable of them, and playing it accordingly.

Throughout the 1st games, Katniss is constantly aware of how the games are being perceived. Instead of focusing on her emotions about peeta joining the careers, she thinks of how ecstatic the audience vil be knowing she was there the whole time, and smirks to increase their curiosity on what was going on. She thinks of how the wall of fire was to shake up the tributes and how the 'real fun' was watching them dodge the fireballs. She plays a cool and arrogant persona when she's stuck up in a tree with the careers around her despite seeing no hope of escape, knowing the audience will be having a laugh (she most likely receives the burn medicine for the promise of dropping the tracker jacker nest). She gives them enough of a promise by destroying the career pack. Then there's the whole thing with Peeta, where she constantly ponders as to how she's going to believably sell the romance on her part to ensure them food. She passes casual comments on how there hasn't been enough bloodshed or 'excitement' that day, hence fearing game maker intervention. She does her best not to show her remorse for the other dead tributes or her longing to escape from this horror because 'no one wants a victor who snivels over the deaths of her opponents'. How she couldn't end Cato's life sooner out of pity, because that was the 'climax of the hunger games, the last word in entertainment as the Capitol audience wouldn't look away from their screens for even a minute', even though that took a severe toll on her sanity( not that she needed it after surviving the whole games). Then the whole 2 victor rule change solely to ensure 'the most dramatic showdown in hunger games history'. To continue their popularity( as a distraction), they are required to act as lovers in front of the cameras at all times, and would be expected to get married and have children who could take part in the games, just for the 'extra drama'. Even smaller things like how they're required to have a hobby after the games to show off to the audience. This applies to the 3rd quater quell too, but I think I've made my point.

In perspective, the Capitol ppl dictate the terms of their lives. Their likes, dislikes, personal relationships, mannerisms, attitudes are all carefully designed to see what gains them the most popularity. Behaving in a certain, expected way ensures that they r'nt cancelled killed. The constant need to know every single detail of their personal lives ensures they r'nt forgotten. Which is why they go desperate lengths to gain that popularity( Glimmer's see through dress being her angle for the interviews....).

Yeah yeah, ofc its just a rant, totally not about a literary master piece dedicated to commentary on our worsening culture, who'd waste time on that when u have twitter anyways?

[broodwolf221]

my message to new/returning fans

as da4 approaches and the fandom changes, gaining both new and returning users, i want to state very clearly:

share your thoughts! it doesn't have to be "original" to be valuable! no more than it needs to conform to current fanon! you don't need to read everyone else's theories in order to state your own

I'm familiar with that pressure and how much it can dampen the urge to share, to actually engage with the broader fandom. even though i was there at the start of dai's fandom, i fell out of it for years and came back recently, and there was a definite undercurrent of pressure to a) conform to the theories already stated, especially by big name fans, and b) to only ever post a truly original theory

the former inherently limits fandom and treats it more like an academic field that one needs to be familiar with before stating anything; the latter is fundamentally ridiculous, since we're all engaging with the same source material and have the ability to perceive foreshadowing and explore what it means. the first person to perceive and write about a bit of foreshadowing has no more fundamental "right" to that perspective than the hundredth

it can also be hard to wade through the tags of a fandom that's been out for a decade+, especially if you like a character or ship that gets a lot of hate. that's exhausting and no one is obligated to do that research

you're not too late to the fandom to have theories, to post meta, or to express your feelings. those of us currently in the fandom would do well to remember that new people will be joining us and they likely won't even know the bloggers who have already posted meta, so seeing someone ask if xyz has ever been considered should be treated as a valid question. seeing someone say they've never seen ppl talking about xyz should be viewed as an invitation to (gently!) point to some people who have talked about it. "oh, if you're into this idea, you might like [username's] meta"

i think it's valuable to draw attention to the fact that a long-established fandom has been getting new blood throughout the whole time it's been here, and will be getting considerably more new blood soon, and that it might be worth adapting to that early. because regardless of any established fan's preferences, we are going to be getting new fans unfamiliar with established theories/fanon. and no one should be beholden to fanon anyway

but all this is to also say - new fandom members? i see you. I'm here for you. if you want to know what's been said, you can ask me and i will direct you as best i can; if you want to come up with stuff on your own, i support that. i will never come onto your posts to "disprove" your theory or to claim it's unoriginal

also, know that when you see vent posts where people are feeling annoyed about fans or complaining about them, they are almost certainly talking about fans who are engaging in discourse, are argumentative, or are otherwise being kinda shitty. i know - from personal experience! - how easy it is to take a vague vent post personally, especially when the kind of behavior they're actually annoyed by isn't clarified, but it's unlikely to be directed at fans who are engaging with curiosity and excitement. being new to a fandom is intimidating and as someone who's trying to be respectful, it can be so easy to internalize messages from people's venting, but fr, it's rarely about new fans and their conclusions. that said, if those posts bother you… unfollow! or block! blocking is not a mean or cruel action

find your niche, curate your experience, and you will definitely find people who support you. I've really enjoyed my time here and met many people i care about and respect, but it was a bit of an uphill struggle early on and i know a message like this from an established voice in fandom would have helped ease my own concerns coming into this space

[superfluouskeys]

i know you're probably not into maleficent/aurora anymore, but since you were like THE malora writer, i'm curious in what do you think would happen to maleficent when aurora dies? either from natural causes like old age or somethiing terrible happened

My friend, this is so kind of you to say!! This is also, unfortunately, MY JAM LOL

So in my personal interpretation, I think once Aurora became more sure of herself and the relationship, she would learn (passively, not even really thinking of it as such) to de-fuse Maleficent a lot of the time. Maleficent is naturally temperamental and always about 3 bad steps away from starting a fight. Once Aurora learns that this is just sort of how she is and she isn't actually mad, and doesn't even usually mean anything by it, Aurora learns to just kind of skillfully sidestep like 99% of Maleficent's bad moods. As a result, because she isn't being fought at every turn, Maleficent (also without realizing it) calms down a LOT, and tends to stop seeing everything as a challenge or threat, even from ppl who are not Aurora. This mostly just freaks ppl out, because you know she always seems super calm until she is suddenly Not LOL, and the average person does not know how to tell Maleficent's "actually calm" from her "quietly seething."

Additionally, while I believe that Maleficent operates on her own code of ethics and doesn't just do whatever, I also think her ethics and what she considers "wrong" differ significantly from where the average human would draw the line. As she grows more comfortable in her relationship with Aurora, I think she would be surprisingly willing to draw lines where Aurora wants her to, at least most of the time, because in her mind, e.g. not harassing someone who mildly annoyed her is important to Aurora, while it's not that important to Maleficent.

However, I think both of these changes, no matter how long Aurora lives, are utterly temporary. Once Aurora is gone, Maleficent will go back to the way she was before, if not ultimately worse, because in a sense kindness will remind her of Aurora, and I don't think she will ever reach a place where that is a good thing for her.

I think Maleficent's first reaction would be a kind of desperate fury, sort of like a wounded wild animal but with very powerful magic. She would be absolutely terrorizing the countryside, especially anyone she perceived to be responsible. It's almost worse if Aurora dies of old age, because then the fault in her mind would lie with...everything, the nature of life itself. This phase could last forever, depending on other factors, and I think it would be a very long time before Maleficent is even slightly functional again.

Even in eg. Prisoner-verse where Maleficent has other friends, I can see her getting into terrible fights with almost all of them. Girl can be next-level vicious when she wants to be, and even if her friends have known grief, most of them don't know exactly what she's going through, and therefore from Maleficent's perspective are not in a position to comment. Also I think "Aurora wouldn't want you to live like this" or similar would be like, the worst possible thing you could say to her, and might send her spiraling into a murderous rage all over again, because how DARE you presume to tell her what Aurora would want?

I am really a sucker for these kinds of villain backstories LOL, you can play me the same tune over and over and I will never get tired of it. I think the only kind of person who could reach Maleficent would be someone who's sort of similar to Aurora, at least in unfailing kindness. I'm imagining someone just trying to save her village or w/e from being razed to the ground showing sympathy to Maleficent for her lost love, and Maleficent showing just the smallest amount of mercy in memory of Aurora, even if ultimately she hasn't changed or healed at all. (oh my godddddd don't look at me I want to write this now lol)

So anyway, it was 5:30 in the morning, a very normal time to be awake, and I was thinking, well, would anyone in Prisoner-verse be able to calm her down at all? I think she and Kinsale would absolutely get into a really bad fight, and Zenovia would try to be chill about it but she would also pretty quickly be like okay well talk to me when you've calmed down lol. And then I realized............

--

“Hey.”

Maleficent doesn’t move.  She doesn’t know how long she’s been sitting here.  Odd, that she doesn’t feel a fresh wave of fury at Joy’s presence.  Then again, perhaps she is simply too tired to feel much of anything.

“I’m not going to say anything.”  Joy holds out her hands in a show of defense.

Maleficent inhales, sighs.  Her throat is burning.  She only distantly remembers the sound of screaming, and realizes now that the memory was of her own voice.

“Good,” says Maleficent.  Joy of all people should know that there is nothing to say.

A long silence follows.  Joy joins her on the floor some distance away, and pretends to train her gaze upon the fire.

“I do have one question, actually,” says Maleficent.

“Hm?”

Maleficent closes her eyes.  She tries to imagine Joy the way she looked in pictures, with long, beautiful hair that she wore in intricate curls, and a radiant smile full of youthful mischief.  “How did you…not…”

But words fail her.  She holds out her hand, grasping at nothing.

“What,” says Joy, “burn down the world?”

Maleficent sighs again.  It is as apt a question as any.

“Well, it was perhaps to my benefit that I am not nearly so powerful as you, Mistress Maleficent,” says Joy, although her characteristic attempt at wryness comes out remarkably strained.  “I wouldn’t have gotten very far.”

Maleficent opens her eyes.  The flames of the fire flicker and dance, enticing in their destruction.  “I’m not sure I would have cared.”

Joy chuckles, dry and mirthless.  “Yes, well,” she says.  She does not continue.

Outside, a terrible wind howls, desperate and mournful.  The windows rattle and the fire flickers low, casting them both in dramatic shadow.

Maleficent inhales.  She closes her eyes again.  “Does it ever…?” 

The words catch in her throat.  She already knows the answer.

“No,” says Joy quietly.  A long silence follows.  The embers from the fire crackle meekly, and the mournful wind falls deadly silent.

“But…I don’t know.  You find…other reasons.  To, you know…”  She waves her hand vaguely at the fire, and stokes it back to life.

Maleficent shakes her head.  Reasons?  The word feels foreign, meaningless.  “I don’t know that I ever had a reason for anything, before…”

Before her, she means to say, but she cannot.  There was always a before her, yes, but now there is an after her.  Everything from now on is after her, without her, and the mere idea of it is something akin to drowning, or perhaps slowly suffocating, deep underground, with the weight of the earth sinking down upon her chest.  What did she do before?  How did she live?  However is she to live now, knowing what she has lost?

“Yeah,” says Joy simply.

Maleficent doesn’t know how long they sit together in silence after that.  It hardly matters.

--

ANYWAY THANK YOU ANONYMOUS FRIEND I HAD FUN LOL

[our-queerplatonic-experience]

I honestly don't know how to start this cause I'm awkward lol but basically: my mom thinks my close(ish?) Friend is my "boyfriend"... could not be further from the truth 💀 (also sorry this is a bit long btw i like detail & that is a pain for me to deal with sometimes. This could be catagorized as venty but this is meant to be just a bit of a mind dump)

I'm aromantic asexual (romo+sex repulsed/adverse) & bigender (boy+girl), the um- suspected "boyfriend": she's a lesbian trans woman. This has happened a couple times, ligit were that mean gay & overly nice lesbian meme & somehow A NOTABLE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE THINK WERE DATING 💀 told her like imidiatly over text just to clear anything up like if my moms weird or smth. She was just like "oh shit" & we havnt mentioned it since.

What makes it a bit awkward tho is I DO lowkey have a squish/qp crush on her, on & off, but I know that my attraction tends to fade & waver with time (like- Lithqueerplatonic / Queerplatonicflux I guess). So I wouldn't really want to be in like, a qpr w/ her. That & I've always kinda "worry" that my boy/masc part may make most lesbians uncomfortable being in a qpr with me and vice versa with gay men & my girl/ fem part.

Anyway I just have really intense platonic feelings when I do have them & I wish as a society we were more ok with expressing that ;> RELASHIONSHIP ANARCHY WHEN?? when will ppl be "allowed" to kiss their homies goodnight without it being perceived romantic?? WHEN ;D (I'm also on the aplatonic spectrum, dont have many friends & dont plan on having many. I think too many ppl overwhelm me.)

My ideal QPR would just be like: cuddling/leaning on eachother, time together, nicknames & small gifts of appreciation (inexpensive &/or handmade stuff or food), I find kissing weird as a concept so a no for that personally in general. And like, at this point... thinking out loud idk if I want to do that w/ her specifically or if I just want a qpr? Cause like I'd only feel comfortable even touching ppl I'm fairly if not really close to & she checks that box by being in my short friend list. For reference: I only started regularly hugging & saying I love you to my best friend recently & we've known eachother & been mutually eachothers best friends for a decade. (I used to occasionally question if i had qp feelings for him but I am like VERY sure it's just heavy platonic appreciation. i love him so much hes the brother i never had i fr cannot stress how much i love him hes fr fr the best bro bro not even related to the topic really i just want to say that i love tf out of him hes awsome)

Anyway plz prey/etc that I don't get weirded out by my mom so much that I come out as aroace 💀 (i find even the idea of being in a romantic/sexual relationship repusing & unconfortable to think about. Just not my thing, if that changes fine i just don't anticipate that happening. Also I don't think she's like, a "kick me out" aphobic, just an uneducated 1. I just don't want to deal w/ any of it tbh. I want a clean cut "I am [blank]" statment and for the "conversation" to be over with but I don't expect that ) tldr: wish me luck on this journey of the cringe that is existing ☺

good luck!!!!! existing do be difficult but it will be okay :]

[genderqueerdykes]

heya

i can't sleep because my sexuality in relationship to my gender has been bothering me.

im transmasc, but genderfluid. not just boy/girl genderfluidity, it's all over the place. and i feel like i identify with being a gay man sometimes, and i also go through periods of feeling like a masculine lesbian.

i know how controversial this is and it breaks my heart because i can't figure out what to do. i know my identity should be for me, but i don't want to make people uncomfortable if i come off as a boy who's a lesbian sometimes.

also i feel intense imposter syndrome over this when i switch around. but it undeniably makes me feel like myself when i say I'm a transmasc genderfluid bi lesbian, which makes me feel good of course. i just wish i could stop feeling bad about it

is any of this normal and is there any other genderfluid ppl with complicated relationships to their sexuality? i feel alone here i guess

love your blog btw makes me happy and validated when i read what you and your followers have to say to people 💖

hello! thanks for stopping by!

i think it can be very easy to work ourselves up and over think things when it comes to how people will receive us in queer spaces- online queer spaces have been needlessly hostile over the past few years, mostly due to the relative anonymity and virtually zero consequences for being harmful and rude. it's okay to get scared sometimes

it may seem 'contradictory' or 'controversial' but it isn't that uncommon to go from identifying as a gay man to identifying as a masculine lesbian! genderfluidity means your genders can be. whatever. there's no set rules, and it's okay if your attraction changes when your gender does. mine does, as well. abrosexual and abroromantic may suit you

you don't have to pass any tests or anything like that to be successfully seen as genderfluid, it's okay if you change to be whatever, whenever. i always identify as a butch lesbian & a femme gay bear, all the time, no matter how I feel or who is fronting in my system. while some cishets may not get it, most queer people i explain this to say "oh yeah, i totally caught that vibe"

it can be scary to have "Strange" identities, but the meaning of "queer" is literally "weird" and having a weird identity falls right in line with the community. you're allowed to be a transmasculine lesbian, and you are even allowed to be a male/boy lesbian- there is no actual cosmic rule stating that lesbians cannot be men, partially men, or be genderfluid and be men sometimes

regardless of how others perceive you, you know who you are. you are the arbiter of your lived experience, and while someone misinterpreting you can be painful and inconvenient, it shouldn't define your experience. if people don't understand, keep going til you find the ones who do, and the ones who try to. even if people don't "Get" your gender, there are a lot of folks who will respect it, anyways, and you deserve that

hope that helps and makes sense. take care of yourself, good luck out there. there are no rules when it comes to be genderfluid. genderfluid people are encouraged to fuck with gender, rules, roles, presentation, etc. and it's only natural that a genderfluid person will have identities that "conflict" when approached through a non-queer lens. identities don't have to "make sense", they are mostly comprised of feelings !

good luck out there! feel free to stop by again

[lackablazeical]

I'm bouta just ramble for a bit cus I have lots of stupid lil thoughts in mah brain

I love addams au a lot and I don't plan to drop it or anything, but this last year has been. Rough on me (went 2 psych ward got a job gonna be 18 soon etc etc) and I've been in such ✨️emotional agony✨️ that addams is hard to think about sometimes, with the memories and people that it makes me think of n such

I want and will keep working on it, but it may just be like. Random bullshit yk. I've been thinking of redoing Venus and Jennika a bit too lolz I just don't know what, cus them being turtles is eh but also them as Leosagi adopted kids doesn't itch my brain the way I wish it did

And an addams comic idea I highly doubt I'll commit to but who knows! I sure as fuck don't lmao God knows I don't have the time or commitment but also you have to hurt muscles t9 grow them

Also I know I was supposed to do an animatic for 1.5k followers but. That was right when I got just fuckn SLAMMED with Life and lost all energy time and motivation so idk if ilo decide t9 do smtun else or if it'll be real real late sooo yeah

Also been reconsidering selling old ocs of mine after I refresh em a bit but don't wanna waste the time if they don't sell yk? I may have it so half of proceeds go to various Palestine fundraisers

Also I've decided I change my tune, feel free to repost my art w/o permission but you HAVE to keep comments on!!! I want to see how ppl perceive me outside of my bubble yk!!! It's so upsetting fr

Anyway this is one of my recent fave songs enjoy

[novemberthewriter]

remember how i was working thru my thoughts on ownership/distribution of art the other day?

ive changed my mind abt deleting, if it's something you made and provided for free then i think you should have carte blanche to delete the shit if you get sick of it

idk why i still torture myself w reddit but the people on there have such a weird mean entitled attitude over people deleting fanfic. saw ppl saying things like 'it's a faux pax' 'you're disingenuous for pretending like you had nothing to do with fandom' 'you're an asshole if you take it away' 'something really serious needs to happen before you do something like that' etc and it all just gave me the ick. it feels almost culty like 'once you're in you CANNOT distance yourself you CANNOT renege on any ideas and Don't You Know It'll Never Really Be Gone From The Web Anyways?'

like, yeah, ofc the internet is forever -- which is precisely why it makes sense to let authors have what little demblance of control they can have over their work?

it just puts such a bad taste in my mouth because ive deleted shit before ao3 existed and after ao3 began and it's like, if this how y'all react to fanfic what does that bode for original work --

--but ACTUALLY i do kinda have an inkling abt that bc something else ive thought of a lot is how certan hannigram fans get super possessive over hugh and mads and pick apart anything they perceive as a slight against the ship / show ... in particular they think dancy doesn't get 'sufficiently' enthusiastic outside of cons about the show anymore and it's like. holy fuck. artists are allowed to grow tired of their past work! one of my fav bands considers my fav album by them to be their worst. they hardly play anything from it anymore on tours. im not gonna sit and stew over that

[easy-revenge]

evangelion enjoyers, ive been going through all of the content that's out there this past week and im currently about halfway through the rebuild movies. i wanted to drop in and gauge yall's opinions on the last 4 installments bc im having so many mixed feelings.

like originally i was very excited bc it's almost like watching a slightly canon divergent fanfic of the og material lmao. like the same story with the same characters at its core, but with newer animation and tweaked things and some extra scenes at the cost of cut parts that i didn't mind bc like the og material is there and i watched it already I don't need it again.

however, as the movies progress and a lot of events have changed, which again i dont mind, the characters are very different as well. i cant quite put it into words, but i think the main reason it feels so jarring to me all in all is the tone change. the lack of pauses, the faster pacing, the change of atmosphere that ig at least partly comes with these movies being made more recently.

i still enjoy getting more content on a story i came to love sm and i love seeing "alternate versions" of things and characters and explore them, but it feels a little bit like we lost the plot lmao. im not even done with the movies yet, so i cant have a concrete opinion anyway, but im curious as to how long term fans perceive this content, bc im literally taking it all in in the span of a week.

i like different interpretations of characters and plotlines generally and as i said, more content of these ppl and these events will never straight up be a bad thing for me, but i want yall's pov as well.

[myjunkisyuzuruhanyu]

I would like to ask about a trivial matter. People always talk about how young Yuzuru and Shoma look. But actually, they are not at an age where they would have wrinkles or other signs of aging. Besides, they have no signs of aging, but they look their age to me. I know there are too many countries where people look a little old in their thirties or in their thirties, but even though I do not live in an Asian country, my criteria is not that of those early aging countries. So whenever I see a comment about how young Yuzuru and Shoma look, I always say they are not old anyway and they look their age. How do you feel about such comments?

Puh ...I feel like age is a touchy subject and highly subjective in the way ppl perceive how ppl at what age will look like. I am for example pretty bad at guessing ages. 🙈 Just quick question first: I guess with "early aging" countries you mean "non-Asian" countries??? It's at least how I interepretated it.

I do think that they look young compared to their age just from their behavior - especially Shoma blends in with his younger compatriots - and if they stand next to their younger compatriots they don't look like they are older. BUT I do speak of some years. The difference between 26 and 29 is not much, same goes for 22 and 26. There is just not that huge age gap. Between 20 and 30 I think generally ppl look young. I mean how would you think anyone between the age of 20 and 30 is old anyway? I do think that both neither Yuzu nor Shoma look like they are not in their 20s and that they didn't age at all. If you compare how they looked at 18 or even 20 years of age you can definitely see that there are changes to their faces. So I think it's very odd for ppl to claim that they didn't age or look sooo young. Especially Yuzu fans do say that frequently that he hasn't changed at all and I am questioning that bc did you look at him 10 years ago? Yuzu did mature in appearance. Yes they look young, yes you may not be able to guess their correct age (who will guess the correct age anyway from someone they don't know?) but you would also not guess that Shoma or Yuzu are teenagers appearance wise.

I think you're absolutely right when you say that neither of them are at an age where they show signs of aging. I also think it's not really an issue to look "old" at that age no matter what country you actually come from. (I am rather shocked when I perceive someone in their 20s as in their 30s bc they do show too many signs of aging)

I generally don't like the obsession with "looking young" like what is so bad about looking your age or god forbid even a few years older? I feel like this is one of the affects by beauty standards nowadays. You have to look a certain way or else you're undesirable. Depending on your country what is considered beautiful may vary, but it's always about looking young, having no wrinkles and to not look your age. And honestly what does it matter if you look your age or not? Age is just a number and even tons of beauty operations wouldn't change the fact that we all age. Sorry I was trailing off...

Going back to Yuzu and Shoma: I do think it's meant as a compliment to look "young" or "not their age", but I wonder why this is even an "issue" to point out so frequently. I also sometimes bring it up as a joke and I hope it comes off as a joke. But all this talking about "not looking their age" is nonetheless also a bit problematic bc what does this imply for anyone that does not look as "young". I think we have to be aware of what this kind of conversations can do to ppl who struggle with not looking their age or "old" or "young" (Bc tbh it's not always advantageous looking younger than your age - I am now past it bothering me - but it was sometimes quite a hassle in my job when I was not considered my age but much younger. It runs in my family to not look like our ages and it was sometimes rather funny, but mostly it's annoying especially when in your 20s you wouldn't want to be considered a young adult or even teenager. It made ppl treat me like I had no clue about my job) I think we should stop making "aging" and "looking young" such a big deal. Yuzu and Shoma are incredible skaters and can look at fantastic results in their competitive careers and that's actually all that should matter.

(Little funny side episode on age and how you can perceive it. My grandpa was in hospital at the age of 85 and he was really mad that he should use a wheeling walking frame from now on lamenting "this is for old ppl!" and I just asked him at what age he would perceive himself as old? That got him admitting: "You could say with 85 years of age I am old." And then he agreed to a wheeling walking frame.)