#anyway. and I enjoyed that. write your story in the way that makes it palatable to you

[sungjinhos]

TRACK N03. AFTER LAST NIGHT - LEE CHAN

✷ There are some things that change with the light. The sea. Your apartment. Lee Chan.

✷ genre: angsty with a happy ending

✷ wordcount: 5187

✷author's note: hello, i had the urge to just. finish a story. to write THE END in a document. to feel the dopamine kick in. so i wrote this! it is great? who knows! you should know you are the author one must think - well, a secret between us: i didn't read this, i am posting without checking it, and without a beta read [because we die like men][in a war with typhoid i guess] anyways - the island by the way is a real island - it is called Fernando de Noronha and there is indeed a dog's bay and a very serious problem with red lionfish you can google it. i know nothing about this field so i just used googled and went with it, anyways enjoy. i am sorry for the lack of effort in the pics i am tired bye

✷ This work is a part of "The Loviest Time Universe" - A collection of stories inspired by Carly Rae Jepsen's album

✷ Smut under the read more, please if you are under 18 do not talk to me, thanks! ✷

After last night Things look different in the pale moonlight

There are some things that change according to the light.

The sea – that during the day is warm, that welcomes every adventure you have with your friends. You could always escape to the sea; you could always plant your feet on the sand and watch the waves wash over the shore.  

But with the sunset that haven always felt different. It seemed like with the absence of light a new quality emerged with the new waters – maybe it was the lack of people screaming and enjoying the day, maybe it was the soft and colder wind, you couldn’t quite pinpoint.

Your small one room apartment near the beach, that cosplays as a small oven during the days and a small Siberia during the night. Every hour of the day the lights entering through the windows transformed the shadows around it.

And Lee Chan.

He was the one thing that changed the most during sunrise and sunset.

The way the light illuminated his face through the messy strands of hair during the wee hours of sunrise, the way that his smile grew bigger around noon, the way his face got a boyish glow when the sun was setting, and his eyes were growing sharp and smaller. The way that he looked like a completely different person under the moon light one week ago. And it ruined your life.

“I thought you would be on the beach right now,” Seungkwan – your best and only friend – said while putting the açai bowl in front of you.

“I told Seungcheol that I had enteritis, you know how emphatic he gets when the subject is almost dying in your own bathroom.”

“He doesn’t look like it, but he is your boss,” he says finally uncrossing his arms and sitting in the table with you, there is not a single soul in the small store he runs, “you know you guys are going to the island next week to deal with all those invasive species.”

“How do you know about that?” You ask with your mouth full – the açai cold against your palate and making your brain freeze.

“Lee Chan,” Seungkwan sighs, “he was pestering me in the wee hours of the day, which made me threaten Seungcheol about paying me more because you guys are insufferable really, but that’s not the point, the point is-”

“There is no point in this whole story,” you say picking up the bowl and getting another mouthful, maybe if you get yourself a brain freeze and die maybe you can escape the subject looming over your head the last weeks.

“Argh,” Seungkwan screams, “you will have to face Lee Chan at certain point you guys are doing the same project for four years – the project you moved to this hellhole for, the project that will grant you a silly creatures of the sea PhD.“

“I can always change projects,” you spite.

“No, you can’t,” Seungkwan says so matter-of-factly that makes you angry, “you spent forty-five minutes telling me how it was your dream since you were five and how you will have to pay back everything you received so far.”

“I can always kill Lee Chan,” it sounds like the last resource but- “and you can always help me.”

“That would make me the happiest man on earth and you know that, but I cannot kill my own family, and killing your crush is just-“ Seungkwan ponders, “depressing, It is just make a depressing headline.” He adjusts on the seat, changes his tone of voice to a news anchor’s impersonation; “Young woman kills romance interest after one drunk fuck. Depressing”

“Well,” you finally let your spoon go, “he did it first, so why I cannot avoid him?”

“Because you are not fifteen, and because you are brighter than Lee Chan that dumb fucker,” and it is true but you need to bite back your own tongue and hold back your own leg to not kick Seungkwan under the table and say that Lee Chan is not a dumber fucker even though every action the last past week has been saying the exact opposite. Maybe Seungkwan is right.

“And like,” your friend continues, “there is so much you can shit, is it day two right? I don’t think someone can survive three days of shitting for twenty four hours nonstop.”

“For God’s sake Seungkwan, I am eating.”

“And,” he starts when finally someone enters the store making the bell on the top of the door ring, “because I cannot for the love of god listen another forty five minutes of Lee Chan ranting about you, he is worried.” He finally gets up, knocking on the table like he wants to say something more, but he just turns around and get his costume service smile on and ask what the girl with white blond hair wants – bleaching your hair and going on a beach? Beginner’s mistake.

Seungkwan’s voice keeps ringing on your head.

Maybe he was right, maybe killing Chan was too much only because you two hookup once and he immediately acted like nothing happened in the following days and then you couldn’t keep up with the façade that everything was fine and pretended to be sick to not see his face for 48h in hope that that would give you peace of mind.

Maybe you could just lie again and tell Seungcheol that your period just arrived and going to the beach and entering the water would be a big no no – there are sharks out there, we are working with sharks, you know how they can smell blood and then a drop of blood and we are experiencing Jaws in real life.

Seungcheol would get pink in his cheeks due to being extremely embarrassed and would let you go if you made another three people witness the scene.

There is no way he would remember that for the past three months you had not experienced this problem. Soonyoung wouldn’t either, neither would Wonwoo. Perfect plan.

Maybe you could avoid Lee Chan like the plague for the rest of your life.

Maybe Lee Chan was a dumb fucker.

Maybe you would ruin your life just because you fell in love with said fucker.

Maybe you should just pack your bags and never see him again.

In the moment I was hypnotized You can go ahead and open your eyes

You avoid Lee Chan for exactly nineteen hours and eight minutes when he finally bangs on your door. And for a split second you think it was better when he was the one doing the avoiding.

“Are you sure you are good to go?” He asks in the cramped stairs of your very old building and suddenly you are too self-aware.

Are you fucking ugly?

Are you looking unwell? (Maybe that is just a consequence of his presence, yet you shouldn’t kick a dead dog).

Maybe Seungkwan is right, Lee Chan is a dumb fucker and therefore, you should just get over this dumb crush and treat that one fuck like getting out the system kind of thing.

“I am great,” is the only monosyllabically answer you can come up with.

Maybe it is the light, soft entering through the stylized brick wall – those small flowers made from clay and concrete that embellishes the corridor. Or maybe it is how the corners of his mouth don’t curve up. But something in Chan looks different – for the first time he looks old, or his own age without the boyish gleam that you love, serious like he only gets when he is analyzing the materials that your groups collected.

“Are you really?” He asks again when he finally reaches the stairs leaving you three steps higher than him, “are we good?”

Maybe that was the problem with your and Chan – maybe you were just in different levels of the same stair, that eventually leads to the same place.

No, you want to say, we are definitely not good.

We are so not good that I thought about blocking your phone when you didn’t send me the last tiktok aberration you find when we were supposed to be sleeping to get up before five o’clock.

We are not good because I have been two days inside my apartment, and you didn’t updated me if Wonwoo is still suffering on the boat and if Soonyoung forgot everything like he does every damn trip.

We are so not good because I want to kiss your stupid mouth.

“Yep,” you hiccup, “talked to Cheol about it, I think it was something that I ate, you know how it is, I should not buy street food at night on the beach.”

“Okay, we are good then great,” his hand patting his flimsy shorts, “that’s good.”

“Chan,” you say almost inaudible - your throat and heart constrict at the same time making your voice crumble.

“That’s good, that’s great,” he repeats, “I am glad you are okay.”

“Chan-“

“By the way we need to check if we have the plankton nets on the boat, Soonyoung forgot it yesterday which caused like an one hour delay that caused Wonwoo to freak out which made Seungcheol stressed, you know how it is, like domino effect.”

Yeah, I see you

And I think it's gonna change my life

“Are you good?” Wonwoo asks while he fixes his glasses under his cap.

“I am great,” you answer robotic. You start to think that after 28 are you good question you start to feel not good at all.

“I told you guys,” Seungcheol sighs, “you shouldn’t eat food made in the sand of the beach, those are a safety hazard, just cross the street and eat something Seungkwan put it together please. Next week we need to go to the island, the situation with the red lionfish is getting out of hand and I can’t have any of you dying on this boat or on the island.”

“And if the person dying is Soonyoung after he forgot the sediment corers?”

“That,” Seungcheol breathes, “that wouldn’t be a natural death that would be a crime, and I would be the perpetrator, so we are talking about different stuff.”

“Can you guys stop? I used the checklist today, okay? Everything is on the boat.” Soonyoung screams.

“Even the folsom plankton samplae splitters?” Wonwoo asks sitting by your side and cleaning his glasses with the bottom of his shirt.

“That was Chan’s responsibility, you said I shouldn’t handle that,” Soonyoung screams again from the other side of the boat.

“Exactly my point,” Wonwoo whisper.

“Can you guys stop fighting already,” Chan sits on your side making the small bench even smaller, you are pretty sure it is not a three-seat.

The small spaces make you claustrophobic.

The sun is up now, making Chan’s hair appear to be a lighter shade of brown. The ray of light makes his nose look more pronounced by casting a shadow on his cheeks.

Your heart thumps against your ribcage. Your shoulders are flushed together, your elbows touched, there is no space between his legs and yours. It is the first time since that night that you are touching Chan like this. The heat of his body is the same. His smell like the sea – like always, the salt and sand splashed across his body, and soap.

And in the wee hours of the day unfortunately the sea is your safe haven.

“Fuck,” Wonwoo sighs as soon as the boat starts to move, “I am getting sick.”

“Did you take your meds?”

“Soonyoung,” Wonwoo screaming while going inside the boat.

You slide across the small bench finally breathing when your body disconnects from Chan’s.

“I don’t even know why he choose to be a marine biologist if he feels like dying every time we get on a boat,” Chan’s says like he never once in his life did something unreasonable.

He stretches out his arms, like he always does, like his body needs more space when it is tired. You can feel your bodies connect again, his arm against your nape, his hands brushing against your jaw.

“People make stupid decisions, Lee Chan,” you say before you can think about it – like there is no filter between every damn thought and your mouth.

You don’t look, you can’t dare to.

You only feel Chan’s eyes on you while you stare ahead without moving because the mere thought of lifting a finger or breathing after saying what you just did makes you shiver in fear. Everything feels so delicate right now, like a gust of widow could break the sandcastle you built.

“Hey you guys, can your help with the nets?” Seungcheol screams from the back of the boat.

“Sure thing,” you say getting up and leaving Chan on the small bench.

Not afraid of getting close this time You can go ahead and open your eyes

There is a motto – you don’t remember when you saw it – but it rings true know.

There is nothing so bad that can’t get worse.

It sums up your and Chan situation.

It reaches a point where you do not know if you are avoiding him, or he is avoiding you. Or you are both avoiding each other and doing a great job at it. Every time you are dealing with the Plankton with Seungcheol he works with Wonwoo dealing with the sediments or water samplers.

When you are finally on Seungkwan’s you take turns going to the bathroom, so you don’t sit together on the table – which only gets you a look from Seungkwan. When Seungcheol asks if someone can take one for the team and make sure Soonyoung gets everything the next morning you say you can do it – which breaks the ritual of Chan knocking on your door and walking down the street with you till the harbor.

When Fridays arrive, he doesn’t ask what movies you are watching that night. He doesn’t send you another Tiktok video or how his older bothers – Seokmin and Jihoon – has been pestering him about visiting him for the first time in the city. He thinks Jihoon doesn’t even want to travel, but Seokmin said he would always visit his younger brother. Chan joked at the time that his brother was talking like Lee Chan was in a prison waiting for a weekly visit, to which Seokmin answered worse, you are knee deeps on the Academia pyramid scheme and the prison is closer.

When the day to go to the island Soonyoung was the one that pointed out that you two were being weird – sleep was your excuse while Chan swore, he was not weird, everything was normal.

And maybe it was. Maybe you were the only one that was suffering inside – the only one who heart was shirking, that was extremely miserable because you got a taste of Chan and never again you would have him. All the people of the world were right, maybe never having it is easier than getting robbed of it.

Maybe Chan’s kiss changed your palate and now everything nothing would taste the same.

You insisted that you could deal with all the red lionfish killing in the Dog’s Bay, Chan swore he could be responsible for Saint Antony’s beach. Seungcheol made you two promise you wouldn’t leave your post to talk to one another because he could not leave this island with one single red lionfish in the sea endearing a whole ecosystem.

You promised. Chan did too.

When the sun reaches the highest point in the sky you think the promise was somewhat futile. Now with the sun set and the stars dancing on the black sky you think that never again you would go against Seungcheol to steal a few minutes with Chan.

“Can we talk?”

Chan’s voice makes you jump out of your skin.

The moonlight is soft against the waves, the wind makes the palm trees dance, every shadow swaying languid. Everything screams peace and quiet until you hear Lee Chan’s voice.

“What are you doing here?” You finally look at him – his hand inside his pockets. There is redness in his cheeks, like his skin is safe keeping the rays of the day.

It makes you sad. The flushed cheeks a proof that you didn’t call him to reapply sunscreen during the whole day after walking around the island searching and cataloguing red lionfish, the fatal proof that Chan is indeed a dumb fucker like Seungkwan said so.

“What are you doing here?” He says finally sitting on the sand by your side, “I knocked on your bedroom’s door and you didn’t answer so it was or the beach or waking up Seungcheol to say you died and I needed your room’s key.”

“Hmm,” is the only noise you can make, and you pray it dignifies as an answer to Chan.

“Are we really doing this?” Chan asks, his feet going under the sand, “it has been weeks now, since-“ he halts.

Since that night, he wants to say but he doesn’t even have the courage to say it.

It must be the sand, the salt or the fact that you have been awaken for more than twenty hours now but your eyes hurt. Your eyeballs tingle, making you blink to the point that the moon gets unfocused.

“We are not like this, I hate that we are being like this,” his voice is softer now, “I know you think it was a mistake so I don’t have any hope so-“

Another gust of wind hits your face, and you feel your heart get a size smaller.

“A mistake?” You say in a humorless laugh.

Chan winces. There is no boyish glow when you look at him, he looks tired, and his soft shirt is wrinkled, and the corners of his mouth are not turning upwards.

It makes you miserable. It makes you nauseated that you are the reason why Chan looks so out of his body.

“Yes?” It sounds like a question that you don’t quite know if it is a real one, “I heard you talk with Wonwoo on the boat the next morning how everything was a mistake. I-“ Chan breathes again, his face turning sour, “It sucked to hear I guess but I got the message,” he says passing his hands through his hair, his head limp between his shoulders. “I am not an asshole, okay? I can deal with rejection, so you don’t need to feel bad or avoid me, I can deal with it we can go back to normal behavior, even Wonwoo asked what was going on.”

“Chan-“

“I can take it okay? It is on me, you never told me you were looking for something, you never told me anything really, so any ideas that I had about it, it is on 100% on me, I take responsibility for it. You never said anything, I just ran with it, it is totally my fault, so I am not ever angry I am a totally percent okay.”

“Chan-“ you try again, your mind racing against itself trying to put the whole picture together, trying to make sense of the puzzle in front of you.

“It is okay,” he repeats, “it was just-“ he sighs, “I know it is not your fault so we are good, I understand, again you didn’t said anything that would entail we holding hands in the library or going on the dates in the seafood restaurant or that our movies night would turn into something more, that all was my own wishful thinking so I don’t blame you and I don’t blame that you think it was a mistake, which clearly you told Wonwoo it was and I heard so I get it-”

“It wasn’t the party your doofus,” you scream finally making Chan shut up his enormous mouth – the corners now rounded, his irritating lips apart enough to make you think about your lips in between. “It was the non-sleeping part of it, even if it was the party that would not mean you.”

“Hm?” Chan hiccups a noise, his head tilting like you just knocked out every damn thought that was on his head and now a tumbleweed rolling in his skull like the beginning of a western movie.

“I thought about it,” you blurt it out, “I thought about it too. I was already thinking that we should order pizza and enjoy a movie. I did the whole scheme on my head ok? We would go to your house, Yeonjun would be drawing on the living room desk and Changbin would be screaming because he needs space for his digital mixer or whatever, we would laugh and pack enough clothes so you could spend the weekend, and we would do all the things we love. Not the seafood restaurant but a stroll on the pier, then we would wake up at four am and we would probably fight because you would hog the bathroom and ask stupid questions like ‘why are you washing your head if you are going to the beach’ or something insane like that. But you were the one that avoided me like the plague so if you add one plus one…”

“Ah,” Chan mutters – the corners of his mouth dancing, still unsure if it should go upwards and stretch into a smile.

“You are so dumb,” you say, this time your voice is sugary sweet.

Chan’s finally laugh – a loud sound that echoes through the empty beach. The corners of his mouth finally upwards this time, unabashedly. It stays in that position even when the sound dies but his mouth continues to stretch around his face like a cat stretching into the sun, almost lazily.

“Sorry,” he says, “what was that? I was too busy thinking about you saying that you think about me every second of the day.”

“I didn’t say that,” you retort but when Chan’s arms wraps around your waist you let yourself melt against his arms, your head finding it’s place on his shoulder, the sand against your legs.

“Oh sorry, that was me then,” he says kissing the crown of your head.

Your heart is so full that it could burst.

The research team’s dorm on the island is right by the beach and the whole time you walk towards it, Chan’s hand never leaves yours.

Your hands are interlocked when you both shower in the outdoors shower to get rid of the sand – Chan’s free hand patting the back of your legs and shorts. He keeps his grip firm when you struggle to get into the house – shoulders knocking against each other and the door frame. He doesn’t let go of your hand when you two walk through the door of his room.

The grip only seems to hesitate when you finally reach for your doorknob.

“Chan,” You call, pulling his hand until he Is inside the room.

The room, as Seungkwan would put it, is depressing. The single bed is so small not even you fit in that, let alone you and Chan. There is a small desk that is also depressing – you knee always hit the leg when you try to sit and work on writing your reports. The television on the wall is the only proof that humanity happened in this room other than your big ass backpack on the floor.

But when Chan presses his body against yours, his hands caress your jaw, and you finally get a taste of him again, you could not be bothered by the state of the room. You are too happy to care.

There is something holy, you think, in the way that Chan breathes every little noise you make. In the way that his hands dance on your ribcage with every breath. In the way that his tongue tastes you to the point that you are losing your damn mind.

There is almost no light now – the moon is timid in the sky, yet the colors in Chan’s cheeks are more pronounced. Your fingertips expand around his arm, and you can feel how warm his skin is – a small reminded that he spent the whole day under the sun.

Chan’s smile is lazy now. You feel like you are bathing in warm water, almost becoming undone when Chan’s hand presses against your stomach under your shirt.

“I want you,” Chan’s breath against your mouth, “so much.”

The noise that leaves your body should be embarrassing, but it isn’t, solely because Chan’s grunt against your neck. He nips at it, his lips following the dull pain that travels to your body. His hands grip at your hips. Another noise leaves your body, it makes Chan search for your mouth again, his lips hot against your jaw before he kisses you.

It is almost like exponential growth of a particular species of fish – they grow slowly, until it burst upward. Almost like something breaks inside of you and you can’t control how you reach for him – your nails finking in his shoulders, the way that your fingers slide against the material of his shirt until you are yanking it like there is nothing more sinful than having that layer between Chan’s and the moonlight.

Chan finally takes the matter in his own hand and makes his shirt disappear in that tiny room.

This Chan you think – is your favorite. This one under the moon, this one that every well-defined muscle gets framed by the dim light, this one that sits in the bed and pulls you until his back hits the wall, until you frame his legs with yours.

“I thought,” Chan hiccups when your fingers touch his waist, slowly getting under the material of his shorts, “I thought we wouldn’t do this again,” he admits.

“We can do this again,” you say, your tongue thick against the roof of your mouth, Chan’s hand is splay open around your back, his breath hot and haggard against your neck. It sounds like a plea to your own ears, but you don’t care.

When your hands finally envelopes Chan, his dick hard and hot against it, you whisper, “we will do it again.”

Chan’s hand holds your wrist. You can see his throat going up and down, almost like he is searching for air – it is only then you remember to breath too.

“Not like this,” he whispers so hurried you almost don’t catch it.

Chan lifts your shirt enough to kiss your ribcage, enough to kiss your sternum and to plant his lips against your breast. There is something hurried about Chan – he doesn’t take your bra off, he just gets it out of the way enough to kiss your nipple making the bra wire sit uncomfortable against your skin.

When he sucks your nipple into his mouth, he doesn’t make any mention of taking off your shirt, or bra, the only thing that he does is grab your thighs and pull your even close to him. You are joined by the hips, the flimsy material of your shorts and panties being the last barrier between you and him.

“I love when you do that,” Chan says against the skin of your breast. You know that by now Chan will be walking under the sun with crescent moons across his shoulders – your nails carving him a note that he is yours to every other human being.

“Hm?” It is between a noise and a question.

“The noises you make,” he says dragging down your shorts, “I love every sound,” he moves around the bed – pulling your hips, moving your legs, rotating his hips enough that you can feel him against your entrance, making you hiccup when he moves again finally leaving your naked.

When Chan’s hands leave you is like a cold and big wave washing you to the deeps ends of the sea. Terrifying.

“Come back,” you say without even realizing, pulling Chan by the shoulder, reaching your hands to his neck.

A laughter dances in the air again – it is smaller than the one at the beach, but it follows the same rhythm. “Do you want me that much?” He asks and you can feel the heat against your cheeks.

His hands hold your hips, finally – you can breathe again. Chan is around you - everywhere. You feel him under your thighs, against your stomach, his hands flushed against your spine pressing you against his body.

“I want you too,” he confesses, and you ask yourself if you answered his question – you don’t remember, but everything is getting fuzzy. Your skin is pulled taught, you can feel yourself ripped at the seams.

Chan guides your hips again, upwards this time. His mouth envelopes your breast again, his teeth pulling your nipple enough to the resembling pain - a reminder that everything happening is real, Chan is right there.

One of his hands leaves your hips and trails your body until it reaches your pussy. You and Chan respond at the same time with noise.

“Chan,” you breath out, unsure what you want to say.

“I know,” he says like he has figured out what you couldn’t fathom for yourself. “I’m right here,” he whispers before kissing you again. His mouth doesn’t leave yours when he guides his dick for your pussy. He doesn’t stop kissing you when you sink into him. You moan against his mouth and Chan eats every noise you make.

“That’s it,” Chan says, his hands griping your ass, mouth breathing against your neck, his tongue licking your skin.

You can feel Chan everywhere. Stretching you in all the right places. The muscles of your thighs burn, and you can feel the sweat form in every corner of your body. Chan guides your every move. Groping your legs, holding your waist, grasping your hips. There is not a centimeter of your body that he left untouched.

Chan’s fingers find your clit again. He buckles his hips and his rhythm falters. It gets harder to breath, “please baby,” Chan whispers against your throat and it is enough to make you cum, Chan follows you not even a second later.

It is hot, you can feel the sweat in the back of your knees, in your nape. The room is small enough to turn into a furnace, and the fact that you can feel Chan around you everywhere doesn’t help.

“We should shower,” you mutter, eyes closed and feeling your body move because Chan is fighting to get more comfortable, trying to find a position that this small bed can fit both of you.

“We are not moving,” he claims, “I am literally not felling my legs right now give me another hour.”

You laugh, finally, opening your eyes and looking at Chan – he is the one with his eyes closed now, the light dances on his features, but the corner of his mouth are upwards.

Chan changes according to the light.

But you think this one, this lazy Chan, spent on this small bed, with the corners of his mouth upwards is your favorite Chan.

[crazerk]

Great to see you back over here! I'd like to ask, what prompted a possible inclusion of a poly route with Kaz?

Thank you, it’s great to be back!

And that’s a very good, and valid question.

To begin with, I’ve gotten several questions that basically boil down to “will Kaz have a monogamous path?”

When writing an IF that will be read by people with different opinions and tastes, where providing a variation of outcomes and storylines is mandatory, it becomes difficult to balance certain choices with constraints laid out by the setting (which is why this IF is gender locked)

Of course I want readers to enjoy a monogamous path with any RO of their choosing if that’s their preference, but the fact that Mc is a concubine and the story is set in a harem inherently creates a dynamic where the romance paths are limited. It’s either forbidden love or polygamy.

So the conflict for me was, “should I strip away this core aspect of the setting in order to make the story more palatable?” (Of course there’s the whole “it does what it says on the tin” argument. It’s a harem drama for a reason.)

I do want the story to be enjoyable, so the first compromise was making Kaz ambivalent about the harem. Though that did raise some questions like what happens if Mc doesn’t want kids? Why such a dutifully devoted ruler wouldn’t secure the succession?

I also feel like some of the appeal of harem dramas is the scheming and plotting. Wining feels so much better when you put in the work. I enjoyed the Affairs of the court games, which are an inspiration for COTGR, because of the many ways you could scheme and plot, depose rivals, gain allies and manipulate events with a few well placed words and well timed actions.

And that brings us to this compromise, which still has the path where a romance between Mc and Kaz can be monogamous, or not.

Anyway in ACTUAL answer to your question (srry for all the yapping) I wanted to add to the variance to the story and I feel a polyamorous route is more in line with the concept of a harem drama.

[eternalmarvel]

MK1 BI-HAN X READER ~ belong ~

an: hello everyone ❄️ decided to write some more small fluff / filler content ! i swear there's not enough bi-han love man LETS KEEP THOSE FANFICS AND HEADCANONS ROLLING 😈also i came up with this idea while i was h!gh as hell so please excuse me if the idea itself seems a bit weird this is why i need requests from people because i am TOO lazy to think of any good ideas on my own

if u guys want something different to spice things up like headcanons or smthn just ask :-) honestly i don't know how good i'd be at writing smut so it's not of priority right now but if people request it i can certainly try

anyways i hope u guys enjoy some fluffiness to kick off the winter szn !!

note; bi-han and reader are married in this story + a little bit of toxicness but it's not from bi-han

++ this isn't proofread so sorry for any mistakes

~~

you had been married to bi-han for about a year now. your duties separate from the lin kuei often required you to travel far and abroad where you couldn't see your husband for weeks at the time. you didn't complain too much at first, but it got a bit frustrating after some time -- nothing that you couldn't overcome though. on the other hand, bi-han was IRRITABLE. it felt like the whole stronghold was walking on eggshells around its grandmaster, careful not to say or do the one thing that would set him off. he was sexually frustrated and grumpy on incomprehensible levels. everyone around the clan noticed how much angrier he had become. he'd bark orders at an unprecedented rate and mean mugged everyone who came across his path. even having the kitchen staff make all his favourite meals from when he was younger did nothing to wipe the horrible scowl painted on his face. when you were at the lin kuei stronghold, you and bi-han collectively sat down with the rest of the ninjas for dinners -- something that bi-han often avoided before meeting you. however, with a bit of nudging from you, he started to participate in group dinners more, even enjoying them (though he would never admit to this). there would still be a grimace on his face, but having you beside him made everything more palatable anyway. when asked why he seemed a little more irritable than usual, he stormed off and dismissed the question.

"i am the grandmaster, i will NOT answer to you."

smoke had realized that soon enough the only way to get him over his mood fluctuations and have some semblance of peace would be to get you back at the dojo. your phone's ringtone blared alarmingly, and you picked up the call in annoyance.

"tomas? what are you calling me about? can it wait? i'm really busy right now."

smoke lets out a sigh of relief now that he's gotten ahold of you.

"(name)! we really need you back at the lin kuei. bi-han's really ...cranky without you there," he whispers the last part, almost like he's scared bi-han will snatch him up out of nowhere. you pay no heed to tomas' concerning remarks, continuing to write down on the ledger on your desk.

"i'm sure my husband is just a little overwhelmed with his duties right now, this has nothing to do with me. give him some slack. he's fine."

smoke spoke with more urgency now.

"(name), he really is frustrated because of you. today, frost said '(name)’s hair' but he thought she meant '(name)’s here' and i swear i thought i saw his eyes gloss over like a dog seeing its owner for the first time in forever. ever since he found out frost was talking about your hair and not about you actually being here, he's been giving frost dirty looks. i think she's starting to get pissed off now that i think about it..."

you put down your pen and look up at the curtains of the hotel room in front of you, sighing. it was more serious than you previously expected. your face twisted in cruel humour, and you knew it'd be funny to use this opportunity to prank your husband and see what his reaction is.

"you know what tomas. i'm sure i can get out of these meetings and make it back to the stronghold by tomorrow dawn. i'll come back."

tomas sighs, finally unanxious.

"thank you, (name)! i knew you'd pu-"

"but i wanna play a prank on him. and you're gonna help me observe and set the environment."

tomas sighs once again, but out of exasperation.

"i don't wanna participate if it's too extreme. i've already caught the brunt of bi-han's verbal torment this week." you chuckle at his expense. "don't worry tomas, i'll make sure he doesn't hurl an ice pick at you. this prank is harmless, i promise. it's just for me to see his reaction." "fine. what are you planning on doing?" "sit tight and don't stress. i'll tell you when i'm on my way back."

you had informed tomas of the most perfect plan. you'd get back to your husband -- not long enough that he'd go back to his normal, serene state when he was with you but enough that he'd manage to calm his heartrate a bit. you were planning on inviting the daughter of a family friend of bi-han's family when he was younger. she had eyes for him all these years, still pointing to hints that she would pursue him despite the fact that he was now married to you. you would invite her over and have her bug bi-han (dare you say, flirt) and follow him all around the stronghold. you wanted to see if that so-called sexual frustration that tomas was referring to earlier really mattered in the case of every woman or if it was exclusive to only you. was it toxic? perhaps. could it be considered manipulative to use his father's family friend's daughter who had probably loved him for the last 10 years to get him closer to you? most likely. would you love every second of it nonetheless? absolutely.

you didn't inform bi-han of your arrival. as far as he knew, you were still going to be a few weeks out from coming back. you walked in through a secret back entrance bi-han had only told you about just in case the stronghold was ever attacked and he needed to get you out safely. you walked through the corridors and heard your husband's hoarse voice coming from the large drawing room across from you. you walked in quietly and sneakily, but obviously not subtly enough considering bi-han had his eyes immediately on you.

"(name)....," he almost whispered, his eyes widening.

you give everyone in the room a wave, including the senior ninjas, which they kindly return with a nod of their own.

"clear the room," bi-han asserts hastily. his tone isn't as harsh as it was before. the ninjas comply almost immediately when they've noticed his demeanor soften up a bit, realizing that you've worked your magic. as soon as the last ninja is out the door, bi-han is by your side in a half of an instant, taking your face into his broad hands.

"hey," you say softly. you were tired from your trip, but being in his presence and ironically his warmth doubled the exhaustion and fatigue your body had attempted to so valiantly fight off.

"you didn't inform me of your early arrival."

you smile into his palm, your head tilting a bit as you rest your own palm on his hand.

"wanted to surprise you, my love."

he looks at you intensely for a few seconds before snapping back to reality.

"i will excuse myself from my duties today. perhaps i can get kuai liang to take over for me."

"why, bi-han? we can catch up late. i don't want you neglecting your duties because of me."

a small scoff escapes his lips.

"it's been much of the other way around. we have not seen each other in weeks. the lin kuei can do without its grandmaster for a few hours."

you look at him mischievously for a brief second before you hear the faint sounds of footsteps outside the drawing room. your plan was coming to fruition before your eyes. rina had come along just on time.

"actually, bi-han, i think we might have a change of plans. rina is coming over today!"

bi-han shifted his gaze from you to rina, who was standing out in the hallway. it was safe to say he was unamused.

"rina. i wasn't aware you were going to be here. it seems as though i've been misinformed on MANY fronts," he says, side-eyeing you. you pay him no mind, bringing rina closer.

"i have to deal with a bit more business-"

bi-han looked at you in disbelief. who the hell did you think you were, the president? a grandmaster yourself?

"--BUT i promise it won't take too long. rina wanted to catch up with you too, so i thought why not kill two birds with one stone?," you say, trying to resist the impending smirk on your face. bi-han was clearly displeased but you gave his arm a squeeze and whispered, "just a few hours," and he knew he'd have your company again in no time. he sighed quietly, before slightly nodding again.

"if i must."

you disappeared to find smoke and left bi-han with rina to do god knows what. you found tomas sparring with some of the newer initiates out in the courtyard and ran up to him, dragging him away from kombat.

"h-hey!," smoke exclaimed.

"c'mon! i finally got bi-han to agree to meeting with rina. now we gotta go hide around the place and see how he reacts with her around."

"this is ... not nice.." smoke remarks uneasily.

you roll your eyes. yeah it isn't nice, but it's funny and it's not like you actually meant any harm by this prank. you and tomas make your way to the blindspots around the lin kuei and spot bi-han walking as rina edges closer to him. you guys get in close enough to try and make sense of their conversation.

bi-han walks into his room and changes into a new hanfu, the same shade of dark blue he often wears. the collar part of the attire is folded, and rina brings her hand closer to fix it but just as she’s about to mend it, bi-han grabs her hand.

“what do you think you’re doing,” he lowly seethes, his eyebrows furrowing in anger.

rina shakes him off, annoyed. “i was just trying to help you, calm down!”

“unless i ask for your assistance, it is not required.” he says stoically before making his way down the corridor again. you and tomas both exchange a strange look. you didn’t want rina dead by the end of this prank. silence is shared between bi-han and rina for the next minute before the latter pipes up again.

"you haven't seen your wife in a while, huh?" rina asks coyly. bi-han turns to look at her for a second before turning back around and keeping that stern look on his face.

"no. her business keeps her away from m-the stronghold quite often,” bi-han remarks quietly.

“you know most wives stick with their husbands and don’t just leave them on their own for weeks on end. perhaps there may be something that you aren’t aware of…,” rina whispers before her statement trails off.

bi-han stops in his tracks and turns around yo face her.

“do not think to insinuate such horrible things about my wife again so shamelessly. you forget your place when you spew these things -- do not forget, SHE invited you here as a token of her hospitality. i did not."

rina chuckles. at first glance, it would seem that she does this sarcastically at first, but it seems like those words really stung rina.

"i'm leaving."

"you know your way out."

tomas sucks a deep breath in while you look down in defeat.

"ooh, boy. alright, i think you were right." "you needed a prank to prove that?!"

you wave tomas away.

"i will make sure there are no further casualties," you say to tomas, as you give him a small hit on his arm and make your way to your marital bedroom. on your way there, you see rina coming your way. you have to pretend like you didn't just witness your husband eat up this poor woman. you smile and put your hands together, bowing to her.

"hey rina! how's it going? i wa-" she puts her palm towards your face and continues walking away.

"i don't wanna hear from you." you watch her as she leaves, staring off into the distance momentarily and sighing. thank god she was an asshole or else it'd be really hard not to sympathize with her.

you walk into your bedroom and see bi-han on the bed. it seems he's getting ready for a bath -- he has a robe-like hanfu loosely draped around his body with his chest visible and and legs exposed. his hair is down and he is reaching for his back like it's aching.

"done with all my duties." you say innocently, your arms behind your back.

bi-han only looks at you momentarily and not even fully before going back to closing his eyes and mending his backache. you walk up to him carefully before sitting down beside him, using your hand to gently knead his back. he lets out a small groan of relief at your gesture.

"you've probably missed my massages all week," you say coyly.

"they were not the thing i missed."

you feel a blush creeping up on your cheek. being away from you for so long made him starved, like a dog meekly asking his owner for more rations. you felt horrible for being away for so long.

"i won't leave again for a while. i promise. we have lost-time to make up for," you say quietly. you prod at his hand and he envelops your hand in his, grazing the outside with his thumb.

"i'd rather not have lies spoken to me for the sake of momentary comfort."

you get up and gently move his right leg further to the right so you can sit on his thigh.

"now you know i can give you more than momentary comfort," you say smirking (but still VERY nervous).

in the blink of an eye, bi-han flips your body over and pins you to the bed, planting a long and voracious kiss at your lips. you bite at his lower lip and he responds by wrestling your tongue with his own. after what seems like an eternity of your mouths fighting for dominance with each other, you break the kiss as a string of saliva follows your mouths.

"you know, i saw everything that unfolded with rina. i think it really is safe to say we belong to one another."

bi-han looks at you with a hint of amusement. "i should have known you didn't have pure intentions with inviting her over." he slips his hand down your frame, erecting shivers from you. he plants small kisses trailing down your midsize.

"perhaps the rest of the lin kuei should know the grandmaster's wife isn't really as much of an angel as she lets everyone think she is."

[berglietz]

Seasons Greasons: A Meta Analysis based on Caspar's Culinary Palate + Return Gift For Shez's Whistle

AKA: no one should ever 'jokingly' challenge me to write a meta to my irl face. take these 1k words now

THE BACKSTORY:

May 6th, Baltimore Inner Harbor. It was a lovely day—by which I mean the sky was grey and gloomy and decided to start spitting a fine mist down from the clouds as soon as Lucius and I stepped out of the light rail and started our trek toward our destination. Our destination being a birthday celebration for Erica, which obviously made the day lovely regardless of the weather. At this point we had already gotten past the 'hello's and reciprocal 'oh god you really are shorter than i remember's, and had settled into our table at the cafe. Inevitably, the conversation quickly turned to Fire Emblem. We are who we are.

Playthroughs of Warriors: Three Hopes entered the scene, and then discussions of the Merc Whistle mechanic. "I haven't given mine away yet." I said. "Don't they give you a return gift that you can wear as an accessory to use their special ability?"

I pulled out my phone. I learned that Caspar's return gift to Shez was called Seasoning Set. Across the table, past the strangely shaped flasks of hot water and growing number of drained shirley temple glasses, N "Njamin" Von TOAmod smiled at me and said "I expect a meta post about Caspar's seasoning set on the dash by [due date]*" *I do not remember the exact phrasing, nor the initial due date. I am going to say it was 'next month', that way I don't get any of my extremely real roleplayer points docked for tardiness.

And thus, I was committed to the bit. Straight up married to it. Welcome to the wedding. The reception is catered, obviously, and we'll be serving—

Well. I'm getting to that.

THE SEASONING SET

(This is a crunchy screenshot that I cropped myself from my own Switch. Forgive me)

The details of note to me are:

Clarifying that you have matched your bestie/S-support equivalent's sentimental gift with something you "don't need" is so rude LMFAO. I'm glad he is keeping up the same behavior from his story about a girl trying to ask him out to the Goddess Tower in Three Houses where he seems to totally misread a situation and make an ass of himself by dismissing the person/not matching their energy. Really beautiful stuff.

Multiple spices, you say? Looks like I have to come up with more than one. It's not just salt in there.

CASPAR'S COOKING SKILLS

They are bad. He has a big red downward-facing arrow next to his face in the list of candidates for cooking together in Three Houses. If you choose to let him cook anyway, he tells you his pitfalls himself:

"All right! Leave it to me! I'll fry it, grill it, and try not to burn it!" / "Sorry for making you do all the work, Professor. I mess up the ingredients every time!"

With this info, I am taking the text saying "he forgets to use spices" very literally. The impression I get is he gets so overwhelmed by multi-step cooking processes that he loses track of ingredients. He does like some spices in his food and drink, though, so I will presume that the spices in his seasoning set are ones that he would enjoy putting in his food if he ever remembered to toss them in.

THE FAVORED FLAVORS

The easiest spice choice comes directly from his favorite type of tea.

Ginger Tea: "The sharp spiciness of ginger laces the body of this tea, unforgettable and brightening."

Bam. Right there. We can put ginger on the list. For the rest, I'll take a look at the dining hall dishes he likes that fall under the Spicy category.

Sauteed Jerky: "Jerky aged in the monastery and sautéed for a delightfully salty flavor. A perfect snack to go with your favorite drink."

The description doesn't give me any seasoning beyond salt, but according to the resources on serenesforest this dish is counted as a spicy one! When I think of spicy jerky (and look up a few recipes to confirm my memories) I think of a peppery sort of sensation on the tongue—black pepper and cayenne (or other hot peppers).

Sauteed Pheasant and Eggs: "Thin slices of bird meat and shredded cabbage, mixed with scrambled eggs and sautéed with spices. Invention of a certain noble."

This one gave me no hints as to what types of spices. RIP. I relied much more heavily on googling for this one, and settled on interpreting this dish as a take on anda bhurji, maybe?? (literally 'scrambled egg'. it's an Indian scrambled egg dish). Online recipes for this one gave me spices such as turmeric, coriander, red chili, and ginger.

THE SEASONING LIST

Just to have it all in one place, here's all the hypothetical seasonings I've thrown out all put together:

Salt

Black Pepper

Ginger (mentioned x2!!)

Cayenne/Red Chili (or whatever Fodlan equivalent capsacin-haver there might be)

Turmeric

Coriander

Go forth, Shez. Make a delicious spicy scrambled egg dish. Perhaps you can share it with friends for brunch. That'd be a beautiful way to bring things full circle, don't you think?

BONUS: MY BOY HATES FISH

I just think it's so fucking funny that he hates every seafood dish. Look at this list of foods he hates.

Grilled Herring, Fish and Bean Soup, Small Fish Skewers, Spicy Fish and Turnip Stew, Onion Gratin Soup, Sweet and Salty Whitefish Sauté, Fruit and Herring Tart, Cheesy Verona Stew, Fish Sandwich, Super-Spicy Fish Dango, Pickled Seafood and Vegetables, Two-Fish Sauté, Gautier Cheese Gratin, Cabbage and Herring Stew, Bourgeois Pike, Fried Crayfish

Only three out of this list don't have something referencing fish/seafood right in the name, and two out of those three do have fish in the ingredients if you go looking:

Onion Gratin Soup: "Onions stewed with white trout and baked with a layer of cheese on top. Will warm you up from the inside out." Cheesy Verona Stew: "A rich dish consisting of verona and sautéed Teutates loach. These ingredients are boiled and served with two kinds of melted cheese."

Maybe there is something he dislikes about gratin, though, since he dislikes Gautier Cheese Gratin as well. A texture problem, perhaps? Either way, it doesn't feel as prominent a dislike as his thing with fish—the guy also hates the Fishing Float gift. Caspar is a certified fish hater. This makes his participation in the fishing tournament even funnier to me: he will straight up make an exception for his seeming disdain for fishing if it's turned into a competition he can try to win. Definitely no way he was eating his catch though. Maybe he fed it to his cat friend from his supports with Ashe, lmfao

Anyhow, I'll leave off with this silly indulgent little meta here. Thanks for playing along! ilu toa ❤

[damnfandomproblems]

5501:

"Why waste your time doing something you hate over something you like?"

...Wow. Because people see the potential in something and want to improve it for themselves? Because they want to have something they like, so they can easier forget about canon they hate? Because people do, actually, enjoy retconning canon and making something more palatable to themselves? Because if canon is just that messed up, people enjoy the challenge of fixing canon to their preferences? Because people like sharing their takes on canon in fandoms where there's a lot of unanimous discontent about it, and they like seeing other people voice their satisfaction?

So... "Why waste your time" my ass. A lot of people are not wasting their time, for the above reasons. They do not hate the process. They hate the canon. Learn the difference. Because really, this problem makes so many assumptions about why people write fics "despite hating canon", and how they must function as people, it physically hurts.

If someone is blasting canon and swearing or ranting in the tags or author's note? That's a DNF. It's immature and stupid and gross. If they're adding a couple tags saying they don't like canon and did their own thing (AO3 actually has canonical tags that describe this, for the record)? Who cares? Not to mention, as someone else said, a lot of people make things out of spite or hatred, and trust me, you can't tell. Because not everyone is a nuclear reactor of a person with the emotional maturity of a five-year old, who feels the need to aggressively splash their opinions all over the author's notes and tags.

Lastly:

People don't just write fics for canon they love. There are so many long running fandoms where people are upset with new canon, but they aren't going to just drop everything like a hot potato and go to another fandom. Would you, if you were following the stories for 2 or more decades? Five years? And are still invested in the characters and their story?

Anyways, that's it, I'm done. That problem just completely rubbed me the wrong way and I had to get this disjointed mess out!

Posting as a response to a previous problem.

[imrllytootiredforthis]

you shouldn’t cut out part of your 10k story, personally I think long stories are better and I enjoy them way more than short ones that don’t pack as much of a punch. Again that’s just my opinion, and also! Don’t try to change the story just get validation and reblogs the people who like it will like the fact that you wrote something which already makes it great. Anyway I think you’re cool bai <33

thank you for this babes<3, i totally see your point and it's so nice that you took the time to write this. it's actually people like you that make it so much easier, and make me so much more driven to write.

i know that i come off attention starved in my reply to that ask that this is referring to, but it rly rly is important to me, and to all writers to get feedback and reblogs for their work.

cause while i definitely do want to keep the essence of that long fic, and don't wanna cut out parts to make it more palatable, it rly is hard when i'm spending sooo much time writing something and it doesn't amount to anything. like a fic being anywhere over say 5k words...and it getting like 200 notes, and not even a tenth of those are reblogs, and most of the time there being little to even no feedback. well, it's super disheartening as a writer.

and i know that some people will definitely love the fic, and i am forever grateful to all my followers and every single one of you that enjoys my work. but that being said, there is a problem regarding that when no one says anything, that appreciation is lost on the writer, who spends so much time to put out these works.

[cleromancy]

I absolutely enjoyed reading your analysis and take on why people tend to put most of the blame on Tim rather than taking into account that other characters are just as culpable. You really help me understand why Jason stans might resent Tim for victim-blaming Jason more than the other characters (although it is still them showing their double-standard thought process at the end of the day). In truth, no one is innocent in the situation. Everyone is culpable to some degree for blaming a child for his own demise, and its frankly disgusting.

its one of those things thats really interesting both in universe and from a meta perspective bc. blaming jason for his own death when sheila sold him out to the joker who then murdered them both, which dc wrote/illustrated/published, which they decided to do because of the results a fricking READER POLL... its so silly lmao. and by making it jasons fault the blame doesnt rest with batman, for having a robin in the first place, or dc, for writing and publishing the story. absolutely fascinating tapestry of blame and fault here on all levels

i was thinking some more about it though and i do think its got some to do with tims personality and demeanor as well. hes a perfectionist and a control freak and there are times when he expresses that if someone cant hack it to tims (arbitrary) standards they shouldn't be doing it at all, that kind of thing. and this is something bruce and dick both do as well, bruce is pretty famous for it even, but they're also both like... i mean we already talked about bruce in the last ask but on top of that hes like. scary competent and intimidating. like. hes batman! and with dick, dick is the first robin, hes *the* nightwing, dick was canonically this keystone figure for the new earth dcu hero community... hes a big fucking deal yknow. in-universe people listen to them, and for good reason, and out of universe a lot of the time reading it its like. Well they'd know! and by contrast tim does not have that kind of authority he just acts like be does... like hes made a solid name for himself by the time the reboot hits but absolutely not on dick or bruces level. so when Tim says something about like you shouldn't be doing this you're going to get yourself killed its like. who is this squeaky little toddler and why is he telling me what to do. like its like "who died and made you robin" except the answer to that is uh. Jason todd.

anyway yeah i like to rotate this as an aspect of characterization for everyone involved bc in like. the version that lives in my head the narrative doesnt present them as Right so it becomes *about* the tragedy, *about* grief and the way sometimes a story gets warped in retelling, about coping by putting sense in something senseless... but. it gets a lot less fun when youre reading something and the story itself is like "Yes this 14 or 15 year old only died bc he broke the rules he got what was coming to him & he deserved it :)" loud booing i dont care for that at all.

dick is also interesting bc hes one of the only characters i can think of other than leslie barbara who blames bruce at any point for jasons death, which i neglected to mention in my other ask. (its kind of a big topic and in my defense you were just askinf about bruce Alfred and tim... sorry dickie ily) like dick took more work to convince that a new robin was necessary than bruce did and dick like... dick was so angry and heartsick and guilty over jasons death and all those feelings just went *everywhere* including at himself. so its absolutely a lot more palatable coming from dick and-- i mean i mentioned demeanor earlier. tim tends to be either very blunt or very sharp and he is NOT known for phrasing things diplomatically, like, at all. dick might be thinking about the mistakes he imagines Jason making on the road to his death but what he'll say out loud is usually smth like "he wasn't ready," and its also a lot more palatable coming from dick bc you *know* hes also thinking he himself Should Have trained jason more himself or done this or that other thing.

dickies so so so good hes doing his best. i love him so much. what were we talking about

[alexcutecolly]

I saw you also got the ask game! So I wanna know

👅👄🥰💘

Hi Rosey! Thank you for the ask! 💕

Here's what I think about:

👅: Tongues

They're genuinely such a good part of vore. Through the tongue(s) the very first contact between pred and prey takes place, and thanks to that the former learns plenty of info about the latter. For example, what they taste like, and how they react to being licked and what not.

Also in a scenario with a very willing prey, some mouthplay where the pred makes use of their tongue(s) to slosh them around inside, moving them from cheek to cheek and gently pressing them against the palate is my jam ❤️

Anyway, more kudos to tongues! They're fun and add more interesting dynamics to the very early phases of a vore sequence xD

👄: Communication

Regardless of context, communication is important! Like telling your Best Pred/Prey (™️) you're not in the mood for noms, or setting boundaries, or discussing if something is wrong or one of you is uncomfortable in any way.

Also, in the very context of vore, communication between prey and pred can get confusing and more difficult once the former has been eaten, for unnecessary physics reasons. Personally, my favorite version of this scenario is when they can still hear each other despite the layers of muscles, flesh and bones, the only difference is the prey's voice being a little muffled. But a pred being either unable to hear them at all, or too uncaring to be bothered by it, can be interesting as well imo, since it creates a sort of gap that needs to be resolved sooner or later. Or an issue that needs to be addressed :o

🥰: Willing vore

It's so awesome! And amazing!! And aaaaaaaaa

The very want of being swallowed and kept safe inside someone you really love and/or care about? Being able to say "I'm actually scared about this, but I trust you?" To allow them to see the vulnerable you, and let them take you somewhere nobody can hurt you so that you can rest and be comfortable? Or to just placate their hunger for a bit? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

💘: Personal meaning

So uhm, vore is pretty much a comfort thing to me. I hate how it's heavily sexualized on other platforms, as if only that specific side is the only one that exists, and how some people truly believe it's inherently a kink. But it's not.

Although I like to experiment in my stories (and sometimes write about the worst bastard characters ever), daydreaming about being eaten safely and in the most comforting way brings peace to my core. Like, especially if the pred is someone I really really enjoy the company of ❤️

A stomach can also be a place for snoozing and taking a break from the mundane irl stuff, and it's so nice to see so many other people relate to this.

Love is stored in the belly, basically ❤️ (and intestines too at times)

[dekaydk]

QL/BL Series I watched in 2023

This is a ridiculously long list because

I finally discovered the existence of this genre late in 2022, and after years in the desert with only occasional gay-themed media, am drinking deeply at the oasis, and

I have basically given up on other forms of TV this year (long story mostly having to do with the crap that's out there, the networks yanking content before it's finished just to avoid paying residuals…also, I will never watch another piece of Star Trek if JJ Abrams is within 1 parsec*).

I had a long period of convalescing from a broken collarbone.

*probably an obscure TOS reference but the initiates will get it

In Progress

IFYLIA

Kiseki: Dear to Me - I love all of the characters, main and support. Writing is fun, character motivations are clear, acting is good-to-excellent, directing is solid if unadventurous. And the colors! While it's not rigorously real-life, it hits harder than most because there are actual adult choices being made, and real consequences for those choices. The comedy is always in service of the plot or the characters. The cameos are off the charts. This is also an exception to my "generally don't watch BTS until the show's over" rule: the BTS have been fun. The actors are clearly having a blast.

Dangerous Romance - uneven, but not so much that I've given up. Had potential to be more of a commentary on economic strata: though there's room for more in the coming episodes, I think they missed the boat by bascially making Kang now the MC instead of Sailom, which is disappointing. Right now I can see this going into either "okay, but meh" or "don't recommend" categories, but I doubt it's gonna be a "recommend" because they haven't got the runway for a save.

Kabe-Koji-Nekoyashiki-kun Desires to be Recognized - unexpected depths to this show. The characters are revealed gradually, the comedy is a delight, the acting's great, the staging and cinematography are terrific. Quite enthused about this show.

I Can't Reach You - these two are a delight. BTW, @lurkingteapot says that they are working on their own captions, which should be infinitely better than anything else that's out there. Going to rewatch when they do post because I think it will be a far more engaging experience. (Also, if you like Japanese BLs, you should follow them for their linguistic and cultural insights.) (Note: I have no idea how to replace captions so I have to learning ahead. 😇)

One Room Angel - unconventional; not sure where this is going but I almost don't care. These two are just plain touching to watch. Only two episodes in and I'm hooked.

Finished and Enjoyed

If It's With You - so far, this is a palate cleanser I needed. Cute, sweet, low angst, and clearly made to be a dessert course, not a hearty main dish. Actors are doing a great job. (Side note: Makeup and wardrobe are doing a good job in making them look more conventional vs. how good looking they are IRL.)

Kieta Hatsukoi - this was just fantastic. Sweet, funny, and unexpectedly poignant. I see no reason to remake it, much as I appreciate Fourth and Gemini.

My Personal Weatherman - once I figured out that they'd only been living together for a short time after graduation, it fell into place. The crippling insecurity on the one hand and the cryptic overconfidence on the other made for a really engaging dynamic.

Sing My Crush - this was one of those almost perfect shows. Just watch it.

My Beautiful Man S2 - love me my babies learning to communicate, and Kiyoi taking Hira shopping and making Hira blossom for the day was delightful. This show is so unconventional and I cannot get enough. Nobody does "your low self-esteem is crippling you in ways you don't even begin to understand and people love you anyway" like Japan.

My Dating Sim - so sweet without being corn syrup. Palate cleanser.

Semantic Error - really, really enjoyed this smart autistic bossy nerd meets semi-slacker athlete artist. One of the rare shows where the actors are pretty obviously straight (BTS kinda made that clear and in the future, I am generally gonna skip BTS until the show's over) but I nonetheless bought their characters being into each other.

Laws of Attraction - I wasn't sure about this at first until I realized rather late that (a) lakorn is a thing, and (b) "lakorn = telenovela" and all the conventions that implies. After that, I sat back and enjoyed the camp and stopped being critical. Film and Jam are fun to watch, and you cannot tell me that Film didn't enjoy every second of scene chewing. The second couple were touching as all heck. And Nawin came in and briefly stole the show. And Silvy and Organ stole it back!

Unintentional Love Story - both couples were delightful; loved the pottery/creativity as a central element (and coveting it for my own). Looking forward to more of Ho Tae and Dong Hee in S2.

DNA Says Love You - Although I kinda had the plot twist figured out early—admit it, the casting for Amber was absolutely perfect—I still loved the journey. The "witch in the woods" bit was fun, even if I'm not a fan of predestination-style plots (I prefer characters arrive at their destination without supernatural assistance). I could watch Erek all day. Slightly slow to get out of the starting blocks but worth the time.

Color Rush - I'm not easily sold on fantasy premises but I enjoyed this one. Love interest played by Hur Hyun Jun was straight out of a manga panel (that jawline). Sadly, he withdrew from a reprise of the character in S2, I'm told because fans got weird. (Fans, learn to separate the artist from the art.)

Not Me - be gay, do crimes against the oligarchy. Gorgeous cast: Gun, Off, First, Gawin, Mond, Film; good cinematography; nice character arcs. Not perfect (Todd's character in general, and I never did get why Black got beat up in the first place; they kinda ended up at "it's just so"), but in general the show strove for a higher level. Fun fact: written by a (then-?) member of the Thai parliament.

Old Fashion Cupcake - devoted junior dogsbody doggedly digs dense dejected boss out of dumps. Okay, my alliterative talents are low today. Cute, and goes unexpectedly hard during the confession scene, and after. Thoroughly enjoyable and a bit of a rumination on how people can pigeonhole themselves to their own detriment.

To My Star and To My Star 2 - ah, these two. The sunshine man has to go hardcore to get his man to see his own value. I would rewatch this just for fun.

Takara-kun and Amagi-Kun - Oh, to be in high school with good friends who help you figure out your feelings. I will hear no criticism of this perfect little dessert.

Mr. Unlucky Has No Choice But to Kiss! - the unlucky/lucky balance gimmick could have been annoying but they made it work. Sweet, simple, seriously cute actors, very much in earnest comedy. Palate cleansing fun.

My Engineer - main couple: okay but I've already mostly forgotten them. RamKing were different. Ram's character was absolutely coded as autistic but no one ever used the word, no one called him weird, and King figured it out and went with it, no problems. Loved that part. (King had his plant obsession so maybe he got it on one level.) Also, the way RamKing ended left a huge opportunity for the fanfic on them, much of which has been great. Sadly, there won't be an S2.

The Eclipse - writing could have been sharper (pace and motivation needed work) but Khao and First were a ton of fun to watch. Loved the junior queens being the most fearless troublemakers.

Big Dragon - went into it knowing it would be a trash-the-pub watch 😎 yet it actually ended up a little more solidly than I had expected. Plenty of heat, and now I get why people are MosBank fans. Fun fact: Jeff Satur apparently wrote the theme that Isbanky sang.

Finished and Oh Well It Was A BL

Until We Meet Again - I know it worked for lots of folks and I get why, but (a) reincarnation stories and (b) I love me some Fluke but I hate the blushing maiden trope especially when as here they hammer it into the ground with a rocket-powered pile driver. ("P'Deeeeeaaan!") I actually preferred the past couple to the present-day couple because the characters were written better. (Not the actors' fault; the stakes were higher, and you can't act your way out of a sub-par script.)

Mr. Cinderella - Vietnam's probably not got a mature industry yet so I may have excessively high expectations, but…amateurish writing, directing, cinematography and sound. Characters were all over the map. And the bad guy ex was…uuuuugly toxic. (Also, polonium? Seriously?) Attractive cast to be sure, who didn't really have much to work with so for all the audience knows they are all Shakespeareans in training. The coy screeching nurse was so very repetitive. I did want to like it and if I had a script I would totally go to town on it as an exercise. (I'm an editor, not a writer.)

Why R U? Korea - Did they…lose a hard drive with the audio? Cheap out and not hire an audio engineer? Seemingly half the dialog was looped, and often jarringly. But the real fault was the writing: the behavior of the main couple was inconsistent, especially where they parted ways and then pretty much ignored that for a while, and in the last episode with the lead saying he didn't want to work together on the thing that was extremely important to both him and his interest. I wanted to like this because I really liked the main couple and Jeon Sa Ra's Do Yeon. Best scene was Lee Won after his audition teetering on the edge of losing it when his interest ignorantly came out to tease him: just a lovely little bit of acting by Lee Jung Min, without a word being spoken.

Seriously, this scene makes me want to learn how to gif. Lee Jung Min as Lee Won

Finished and Don't Recommend

TharnType: 7 Years of Love - the first season was objectively bad for reasons I and others have set out elsewhere (noncon sex, underage rrpe(!), sub-par acting/directing). The second season wasn't as bad, but it wasn't good either, with forced misunderstanding narratives being the most notable plot point. Seven years together and you still are that easy to convince that your man's stepping out on you? Like the first season, 7 Years also gave the sense that Mew (at least in this case) is a one-note actor, though this could have been the director's fault. Gulf had more good moments.

La Pluie - I so wanted to like a show that was gonna take a trope and upend it. And I absolutely get what lots of folks liked about it. For me the uneven pacing, sometimes blatantly contrived plot, often wooden direction, dialog and acting (with the notable exception of Suar, who was by far the best in the show and not just because he got most of the best lines) and terrible continuity did it in. (Lomfon's confession scene, though: Tien's going up on his toes for the kiss is burned into my memory.)

Started and bailed

Minato's Laundromat S2 - I so wanted to like this after S1. Instead of giving Minato a growth arc, the writers inserted a silly and ultimately pointless amnesia story. This seriously pissed me off to the point that I stopped watching. Not the actors' fault, but the writers, well, that's a paddlin' offense.

Only Friends - when certain folks start expressing concern, I listen. @bengiyo explained how this show failed its promise of showing actual queer lives. When it abandoned whatever vision its creators may have had in favor of contorting itself into something controlled by fan input, proving it was just an exercise in branding pair marketing, that confirmed it was not going to get me to return after Ep 3.

Naughty Babe - just, just, what in the Pennzoil is going on? MC, you seriously went how long without nookie and didn't talk with your man about it? And then you fake amnesia? Dude, you are not a serious person and the writers should be ashamed. I see from my Tumblr feed that they tried to redeem themselves later with the marriage and adoption bit, and good for that, but I ain't got time for incoherent messes.

Low Frequency - decorative actors, but incoherent plot where I simply couldn't see what was happening and where it was going. Couldn't motivate myself to continue after the second episode.

Step By Step - I've already posted about this. This had the potential to be wayyy above average but it kinda fell apart with the main couple, and the secondary couple simply were written so badly there was nothing to root for. I got almost all the way through this but after it became clear there wasn't going to be a late save, I gave up. The. Actors. Wuz. Robbed.

En of Love: Tossara - this felt like someone got their uncle to pull strings to get them a show. Dialog was anemic, character motivations were bland/absent, pacing was uneven. I started the second episode but I'm not sure I finished it.

If you made it this far, congratulations. Tell me what you liked or didn't agree with; I come across as opinionated but I'm always looking to learn. 😎

[coffeeandfaeries]

The Vampire Diaries: The Struggle - A book review

L. J. Smith

I have once again read this book in one sitting. I am for some reason REALLY into this series. I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as I did. But then again, I was obsessed with TVD (the show) as a teen so it makes sense. But the books somehow have more likable characters. Don’t get me wrong I think the cast did an amazing job, but I wish they didn’t change some characters, Elena and Bonnie in particular.

Even though Bonnie in the books can be a bit annoying because she’s often way too nice, I like her better than the TV Show version of her. I feel like Bonnie in the show was often rude and stubborn. I can understand why they changed Elena, to a certain extent. I wouldn’t be surprised if they wanted the main character to be a bit more “palatable”, but instead they made her into this whiny, useless character. If I recall correctly, Rebekah actually points that out. Although, Elena on the show was unbelievably self-centered. I don’t know a lot of people who genuinely liked her character.

I do have to warn you, I will be comparing the books to the show pretty often. I’m also team Stefan. Well, in the books at least. I definitely preferred Damon on the show. So if that bothers you, you probably shouldn’t waste your time reading thirteen reviews.

Yes. I’ve decided to finish this series. Even though L. J. Smith got fired after writing seven books. She wrote books 1-7, then an anonymous ghost writer wrote books 8-10, and Aubrey Clark wrote the last 3 books. L. J. Smith was hired to write The Vampire Diaries, unfortunately she didn’t realize what contract she was signing. If I recall correctly, she didn’t understand what “work for hire” meant. So, while the books were copyrighted to her, she didn’t actually own the books, she couldn’t publish anything without the approval of Alloy Entertainment. She wanted Elena to end up with Damon, Alloy didn’t. So they fired her and got somebody else to write the books. While I don’t like Damon personally, at least so far, maybe she’ll give him a redemption arc, I can’t imagine how horrible it would feel to spend years working on a book series just for that to be taken away. All because someone didn’t like my story.

Anyway, time to start talking about this book. Four hundred words into the review and I’m finally starting to talk about the actual book.

As we remember from the previous book, Elena is shouting Damon’s name trying to get his attention. One thing I gotta say is I do respect Elena’s cockiness, like nothing says teenager in love than acting like you have nine lives. She’s threatening Damon, acting like she could overpower him in any way. Ma’am, he could kill you before you even have the time to react.

Damon is still trying to win her over, he’s comparing her to Katherine. Saying she’s already powerful even as a human and how she would be unstoppable if she was a vampire. Honestly, I do agree with him. Vampire Elena would be amazing. I’m pretty sure Elena will become a vampire pretty soon. I know she didn’t become a vampire in the show until the fourth season. I wonder if she’d be more excited to be a vampire in the book. Another thing that hasn’t been discussed in the books yet is the “switch” vampires in the show have. For those who don’t know, vampires have some sort of switch in their head that, when flipped, turns off their empathy and emotions in general. Essentially turns them into a monster. However, I have noticed that vampires in the book have slightly different powers, like being able to turn into an animal and control the weather. So there is a pretty good chance the “switch” doesn’t exist in the books. If that’s the case then I have no idea how Damon is going to get a redemption arc. Especially since he was a bad person even before he became a vampire.

While Damon was trying to talk her into leaving Stefan and joining him he said this: You’re the girl who has everything else, but there’s always been something just out of your reach, something you need desperately, but can’t have. So… She’s just spoiled? Damn, first world problems. All jokes aside, he’s not wrong. Nothing ever satisfies Elena, she said so herself. The moment she gets something, or someone, she is already bored of it. The only reason she wanted Stefan so badly was because he wasn’t paying attention to her. For the first time in her life she didn’t immediately get something she wanted. I feel like the fact everything is so easy for her is partially the reason she always wants more. She’s never had to work for anything, it always just falls into her lap.

Also, throughout this entire encounter, and a couple of times in the past, Damon has been trying to use his powers to compel her, but it’s not working. She’s successfully resisted them almost every time. I know that she hasn’t been drinking vervain and doesn’t have it on her anywhere. So how is she doing this? It wasn’t explained in this book, but I think she is just strong-willed. I don’t think there’s anything more to it, but I did find it interesting nonetheless.

This book came out in 1991, A Game of Thrones: A Song of Ice and Fire came out in 1996. Therefore Winter is coming is originally from TVD. G. R. R. Martin apparently was inspired by 15th century Scotland. So I like to think that Damon met the characters from GoT and they decided to steal the phrase from him. Or perhaps G. R. R. Martin is a big fan of the vampire diaries and just really wanted to use the phrase in one of his books.

Damon told Elena that she should give up and join her because Stefan is dead anyway To which she said: If Stefan was dead, she would know. How? Literally how. Did I miss the chapter in which Elena discovered her psychic gifts?

Elena starts running, looking for Stefan. But then she stops, lays down on the ground, covered in snow and says she has no reason to look for Stefan because Stefan will look for her. She falls asleep and Meredith and Bonnie find her, passed out, covered with snow. They take her home, Elena is still in a delirious state, saying she needs to go back and look for Stefan. Understandably, Aunt Judith, Robert (her fiancé), Meredith and Bonnie are against it, and decide they need to stay with her to make sure she doesn’t try to run away in the middle of the night.

But Elena is relentless, she is not going to give up on Stefan. So she asks Bonnie to use her abilities to find Stefan. Bonnie lights a candle and tells Elena and Meredith to focus on Stefan and not say anything, no matter what. Bonnie was channeling Stefan, he’s in water, it’s cold and he’s thirsty and tired. At one point Bonnie says Stefan feels like he should just end his life. And, of course, Elena screams No, breaking the one and only rule Bonnie had. Bonnie is willing to put her life out on a line for Elena, who doesn’t care about anyone other than Stefan.

Then a voice starts speaking through Bonnie, saying to stay away from the Wickery Bridge. The girls assume this is Stefan speaking through her and drive straight to the graveyard. Idiots. How have they not noticed by now that whenever Bonnie channels a message it’s never a positive one and something bad happens every time?

They go to the bridge and Bonnie just feels like something is off. We also find out that Matt followed them, because he knew Elena wouldn’t be able to give up. Honestly, Matt is such a sweetheart I really like him. Sure, he’s a bit of a simp and Elena doesn’t deserve him, but he’s just adorable. Call me boring, but I’d take a guy like Matt over a Stefan or a Damon any day.

Bonnie tells Matt what she saw, he doesn’t really believe her but he helps them find Stefan anyway. He realizes it sounds like he is in a well and drives them to the abandoned well on an abandoned farm. They find Stefan in there, and he looks ROUGH. They take him home insisting he goes to a hospital. Obviously taking a vampire to a hospital would raise some eyebrows so Elena and Stefan are against it. Bonnie, Matt and Meredith keep insisting so Elena compromises. She tells them to go get Bonnie’s sister Mary, who is a nurse, and if Mary says he needs a doctor they’ll take him. This gives Elena the time (and privacy) to give Stefan some of her blood, not a lot, but enough to recover.

I just would like to add one of my favorite quotes from the book, just straight up copy-paste this from my notes. Any additional commentary is unnecessary.

Maybe you think I’m terrible for loving him, considering what he is. He can be violent, and I know there are some things in his past that he’s ashamed of. But he could never be violent toward me, and the past is over. He has so much guilt and he hurts so much inside. I want to heal him. Ok Bob the Builder.

They go back to school and there’s a new European History teacher. Alaric K. Saltzmann, and he is way too friendly. Immediately he’s like “Yeah, let’s all sit in a circle, talk about our feelings, yadda yadda yadda”. He asks Bonnie about the night when she found Mr. Tanner’s body, and, understandably, she gets very upset while talking and starts sobbing. He apologizes and invites them over to his house. Then says attendance makes up for 50% of the final grade. Yeah, totally not creepy. Imagine your child coming home and telling you that they have to go to a teacher’s house that night or they’ll fail history. I’d be calling the cops on the spot.

I assume that because Alaric is a vampire hunter in the show he will be a vampire hunter in the books too. So the only non-creepy reason I can find for a grown ass man to invite a bunch of students to his home, is to check if any of them are vampires. But, uh, spoiler alert, no that didn’t happen. We didn’t really even get to see Alaric during the house party scene.

But anyway, we’re not even there yet, there’s one more thing that happened while they were in school that I just have to talk about. I have no idea if this is a US thing, or a 90s-00s thing, or, most likely, a media thing, but do people actually care about being popular in High School? Maybe I don’t get it because I wasn’t popular in High School, but I can’t understand breaking up with your partner because they’re not “cool” enough and are “ruining your reputation”. You’re a senior, chances are, you are never going to see the other students again after you leave for college. So who cares? Sure you’re not gonna be popular, but you still have friends? Like this quote in particular: It might be better if we didn’t see each other for a while. If they think we’re not together, they’ll leave you alone. Fam, you’re a 500 year old vampire, how do you still have the mentality of a child. I can understand breaking up with someone because they are a suspected murderer, but you know he isn’t. You have met the killer. To be fair, it’s not even Elena’s idea. Stefan is concerned about her public image more so than her.

I know that Stefan was just trying to be considerate because he didn’t want Elena to “suffer” because of him. But Elena wasn’t even being bullied, people were just a bit awkward around her because they think she’s dating a killer. I don’t necessarily blame them, and I do know that we, people in general I mean, love drama and making a big deal out of everything.

Elena‘s aunt Judith really doesn’t like Stefan, and I get it, I wouldn’t want my niece dating a guy who I believe is a killer either. But then again, the cops talked to him and he’s been cleared of all accusations. Also, aunt Judith is referred to as an “older woman”. How old is she exactly? I thought she was in her early 30s. According to the TVD wiki she’s middle aged, older than aunt Jenna in the show. So I’m guessing mid to late 40s?

On top of the issues Elena has with Damon and aunt Judith, Stefan has been acting like an idiot too. He’s extremely weak, weaker than ever and he’s refusing to drink from Elena. Your brother is on the loose, harassing your girlfriend and her friends, and murdering everyone else. If I were you I’d take any blood I can get, especially if it’s gonna help me protect my loved ones, or you know, not get murdered. It doesn’t even matter that Elena’s been keeping Damon’s visits a secret from Stefan, he still knows Damon is in Fell’s Church.

Stefan’s main concern is not being able to stop once he starts drinking from her. So why let him drink straight from the source? When you donate blood you give about 500ml (17oz). Which means she could easily give him a bottle of her blood. Like don’t let him drink straight from you, just fill a cup or something. Problem solved. Author’s need to start writing me as a character in all of their books, I would make the character’s lives so much easier.

Finally, we get to Alaric’s house party. Again, a really weird move from a teacher, but okay. Everyone is pretty awkward around Elena and Stefan, except for Bonnie, Meredith, and Matt, of course. They talk about how strange it was that he had planned a party, but made it look spontaneous. I’m glad they realize this is strange. Elena then goes to get a snack and oh my, who would’ve guessed it! She runs into Damon. Damon immediately starts acting like a weirdo, taking a bite out of some garlic bread Elena had in her mouth, almost kissing her. Stefan gets all cocky trying to threaten Damon. Stefan, sweetie, a child could beat you up now, stay in your lane. Elena drags Stefan out, but on their way out someone slips a piece of paper into Elena’s purse.

It’s a piece of paper from Elena’s diary, and it reads: I want to touch him. More than any boy I’ve ever known. And I know he wants it, too, but he’s holding back on me. I mean yeah that’s pretty personal, but a teenager being attracted to their boyfriend isn’t exactly weird. A bit embarrassing, maybe, but like this isn’t really a good threat. Why this part in particular? Especially since Stefan is dating her, if they weren’t together and the word that Elena was thirsting over a random classmate came out it would be embarrassing. But I’m pretty sure Stefan already knows Elena’s into him.

It’s pretty obvious now that Caroline has the diary. I thought at first that Damon had it, that he was gonna change her diary entries and make it seem like she actually hates Stefan. Then let Stefan “find” the diary and read it. But uh, that doesn’t sound like something Damon would do, it’s kinda childish.

Once Stefan and Elena get home (Stefan’s home) we get a bit of an info-dump, which I don’t necessarily mind because it was all in dialogue. If your boyfriend was a vampire you’d probably have some questions too, so him talking about vampire lore for an hour wouldn’t really be unnatural. The reason I’m mentioning this is because this is the first time vervain was mentioned in the books. It protects humans from succumbing to vampire’s powers.

The next day they find another note, tacked to the office bulletin board. It said: I feel as if someone has hurt him terribly in the past and he’s never gotten over it. But I also think there’s something he’s afraid of, some secret he’s afraid I’ll find out. Seriously, why are these parts of her diary chosen? Again, this is a pretty normal thing to say “Someone hurt my partner in the past, I wonder what happened”. My assumption is that it’s Caroline taunting her. The notes aren’t meant to be humiliating, they’re just supposed to make Elena realize someone has her diary and is planning on using it against her.

I think Vickie turned. Or perhaps she’s being controled by Damon. Nobody has seen her since the night she was attacked. Now she’s back in school, in the middle of the cafeteria, taking her clothes off. She also keeps freaking out whenever she sees Elena and says: You’re the one of them! I saw you! You’re evil! Is Katherine back? Was the gentle girl just a persona she put on?

After the whole Vickie fiasco, Elena tells Bonnie and Meredith to stay away from Damon, and to not invite him in under any circumstance. Bonnie tells Elena she kissed Damon, because of course she did. Then she says the weirdest, yet somehow the most Bonnie thing ever. Killers are sort of romantic. Imagine you’re dying with his hands around your throat. He’d strangle the life out of you, and the last thing you’d see would be his face. Someone keep an eye on Bonnie so she doesn’t fulfill her grandma’s prophecy.

Remember how we talked about vervain a couple of paragraphs ago? Well apparently there’s no vervain in Fell’s Church, at least not during winter. So, Stefan and Matt get in Matt’s car and go on a road trip down south to get some vervain. Honestly, Matt is unbelievable, imagine your ex girlfriend’s new boyfriend comes to you and tells you they need your car so they can go “south” (doesn’t even give you an actual location) to get some weeds for your ex. And you just agree, as long as you can go with them. I’d tell him to go to a flower shop and fuck off from me. But Matt is simply built different. Matt and Stefan are slowly becoming friends. Stefan even said that Elena and Matt are his only friends, the only two people who make him feel comfortable and accepted. I hope their friendship doesn’t get ruined.

For whatever reason, L. J. Smith switches from one POV to another without any warning. There isn’t even a divider, she just starts a new paragraph from another person’s POV. Which makes it difficult to write a cohesive review. How am I meant to do that if we go from two guys in a car to Elena’s dream sequence without a warning?

While Matt and Damon were on the road trip, Elena and Bonnie were planning a sleepover. Not for fun, Elena is worried that now that Bonnie and Damon had kissed, she might become a target. So she thought Bonnie would be safer if Elena was there with her. I’m not sure what Elena could exactly do to protect Bonnie, but alright.

Elena keeps dreaming the same dream again and again. The exact same scene from the beginning of the book is described now, 46% into the book. Almost word for word. Elena and Damon are in the same room and he asks her if she wants to dance. She doesn’t reply, she just laughs and walks away, knowing he’ll follow her. She’s not running, she’s teasing him. He’s trying to get her to forget about Stefan. The first time this happened she remembered him and then woke up. This time Damon managed to bite her, she woke up, screaming, while Damon in his crow form was attacking her. Bonnie’s dad beat him with a broom. King shit.

Damon compelled her to open the window and let him in. But the thing is, she invited Damon into Bonnie’s house in the last book, during the ritual. I can’t remember if I mentioned it in the previous review, but Bonnie taught Elena a ritual she can perform to see who she will marry. You’re supposed to light a candle, put one plate, one fork and one knife on a kitchen table. Then you hold a chair, and when the clock strikes twelve, pull the chair out and say “Come in”. She didn’t realize Damon was there and when she said it, she accidentally invited him in. So… Why did Damon need to compel her to open the window? He can control the weather and shapeshift, but he can’t use his powers to unlock a door?

She asked Bonnie’s dad to take her and Bonnie back to her house. Poor man thought she was suffering from some sort of emotional breakdown so he obliged.

Stefan came back with vervain and gave some of it to her, kept the rest so he could extract oil from the flowers. He notices something is wrong with Elena but she’s still refusing to tell him what’s been going on. He doesn’t even know she lost her diary and someone’s been using it to taunt her. I know Elena thinks she’s protecting Stefan by lying to him about Damon, but if I were him I’d be pretty pissed. She’s putting herself and everyone else in danger. Also, why hasn’t she asked Stefan to tell Bonnie and Meredith his secret? Wouldn’t they be safer if they knew what’s actually going on? They already believe Bonnie is psychic, why wouldn’t they believe in vampires too?

The next morning Elena tells Matt someone’s been sending her parts of diary and she thinks it’s Damon. Bonnie, Matt and Meredith all say that it just doesn’t sound like something a guy would do. It sounds too petty, and Damon doesn’t look like a guy who would be that petty. So they all come to the same conclusion, the only person who would do that is Caroline.

Elena leaves the cafeteria and accidentally overhears Tyler and Caroline talking in one of the empty classrooms. They are planning to use Elena’s diary as proof that Stefan is the killer. They want to announce this during the Founder’s Day parade. To humiliate Elena in front of everyone and get Stefan arrested. In her diary, Elena said that she had lost her ribbon near the Wickery Bridge and Stefan found it. Apparently this is proof that he’s a killer. Like stalker? Maybe. But killer? That’s a bit of a stretch. Seniors get to read poetry during the parade, Caroline was one of the seniors chosen for this and she plans to pull out Elena’s diary instead.

Caroline is taking this “being popular in school” thing a bit too seriously. Girl, no one's gonna care you were popular in like six months. What is wrong with you?

Elena, Bonnie and Meredith break into Caroline’s house one night in order to retrieve Elena’s diary. They ransack the house and find Caroline’s diary, but Elena’s is nowhere to be seen. The Forbes’ come home early and the girls need to leave the house quickly. Elena somehow gets stuck. I genuinely have no idea how she managed that. So she tries to get out through a window and guess who’s already there? Damon! Who would’ve guessed. He, once again, tries to talk her into becoming a vampire and “ruling” the darkness with him. She says she’d rather die than join him and tries to jump off the roof. He catches her and tries to make a deal. He’ll get her diary back and in return Elena has to spend time with him and let him drink her blood. She, of course, says no. Damon tells her to think about it and leaves.

Nothing important happens for a bit, but there is one diary entry I wanted to talk about. (Elena got a new diary).

And there are little things that shouldn’t matter, but they bother me. Like why Stefan still wears Katherine’s ring around his neck, even though he loves me. In his defense, she did die. Breaking up with someone and losing them isn’t the same. That doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love you, or that he loves Katherine more. But she’s not an ex, she’s his deceased lover. This really is a tricky situation. On one hand dating again can be difficult after losing your significant other, and even feel like you’re betraying them. So just getting rid of the only thing you have left of them can be hard, and honestly unnecessary. On the other hand, however, being 17 and dating someone who lost their partner can be just as hard. Being insecure, not just in general, but also in your relationship can make you feel like you have to “compete” with the deceased person. Grown adults sometimes can’t handle dating someone who lost their previous partner, let alone teenager. Grief is complicated. I don’t think either of them are bad people, they’re handling it to the best of their abilities.

Alrighty, let’s get back to the plot. Vickie is back! And doing worse than ever. Vickie attacked Tyler, tried to bite him. Alaric said: Don’t hurt her! Be careful! It’s epilepsy, we just need to get her lying down! Epilepsy? Really? Does epilepsy make people strip naked, sexually harass other students and try to drink their blood? I’m no doctor, but that doesn’t sound like epilepsy to me. Maybe this Alaric isn’t a vampire hunter, or he doesn’t want the other students to freak out. If you don’t know what epilepsy is, maybe you’d fall for it.

For whatever reason aunt Judith hosts a rehearsal Thanksgiving party every year to make sure everything goes well on Thanksgiving day. Personally, I’ve never seen anyone practice hosting a holiday dinner, is that a common thing? Anyway, it was time to sit down and eat when Judith announced they have a guest this year. Yeah, you guessed it right, it’s Damon again. This man does not give up. The fact that Elena hasn’t tried to kill him is quite impressive. Could never be me. So, now Damon has access to Elena’s house as well. As if that wasn’t enough Bonnie got briefly “possessed” during the dinner. A voice spoke through her, telling Elena that Death is coming for her. Funny how this only happens when Damon is there. Not suspicious at all. Poor Bonnie.

Damon leaves and aunt Judith pulls Elena aside and says this: Well, I just thought you might give him a chance, that’s all. I thought he was very pleasant. The kind of young man I like to see around here. Can’t blame her honestly. Narcissistic abusers are remarkably good at charming people. Much easier to abuse your partner when their close friends and relatives are on your side. They can be incredibly charming and charismatic. It’s not that they can’t help themselves, they just choose not to control themselves. They know exactly what they’re doing. Elena doesn’t really say anything to this. What could she say? There’s no way for her to prove that Damon is a killer and not Stefan, without outing them as vampires. Something tells me that aunt Judith doesn’t believe in vampires.

As I’ve said, Damon does not give up. After they’ve all went to bed he came back. But once he got to Elena’s room he couldn’t get in. Which leads to Elena being, once again, an idiot. She tells him that the reason he can’t get in is because the living room and her room are what’s left of the old house. Therefore someone needs to invite him in again. Why tell him this, he can just come back and ask to see the living room, it’s not like Elena in particular has to invite him.

The following day Elena goes to Stefan’s house to tell him they need to talk. Finally, she’s gonna tell him everything! Is what I thought was gonna happen, but nope. She only tells him about the diary, she continues to keep Damon a secret. Honestly, I’m starting to think she’s not lying just to keep Stefan safe, I feel like she likes running into Damon. I mean, she does talk often about how attracted she is to Damon.

Now, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. (and by we I mean me) Stefan finally feeds from Elena. Technically, he did drink her blood when she dragged him out of that well, but that was just a couple of drops. This time he drank straight from her neck. Also, the whole drinking blood thing is kinda like sex to vampires. The way the author writes these scenes feels weirdly erotic. It’s kinda uncomfortable to read. And!! He told her I love you for the first time. Then, he did something so incredibly stupid. He proposed. Proposed. She’s 17, she’s not even out of high school yet. Not only did he propose, but he proposed with Katherine’s ring. Lord. I think that may have been done so that Elena is wearing a ring once she turns into a vampire.

Elena then says my favorite quote in the entire book. I’ve learned my lesson; I’ll never keep things from him again. Elena, darling, you are STILL keeping things from him. What are you talking about? I don’t think she knows what “I’ve learned my lesson” means, because she most certainly did not.

We’re getting near the end of the book. It’s the day of the Founder’s Day parade. The girls were hoping Caroline will leave the book unattended while she’s in costume. Unfortunately, Caroline isn’t stupid, she found a way to carry the diary with her. At this point I thought they would go to Damon to ask for help. Honestly, if I were Elena I’d fake being ill. Dramatically fall over and pretend to faint. Everyone would be paying attention to me, and then Stefan could offer to take me home. Caroline could still decide to go through with her plan, but the main reason she’s doing it is to humiliate Elena. Can’t humiliate her if she isn’t there.

They fail to get the diary and proceed with the parade, bracing themselves for the inevitable humiliation. Caroline’s turn to speak comes and she gives a little speech. Saying that she would rather read something about what’s happening in Fell’s Church now, not a hundred or two hundred years ago. She then pulls out the diary and freezes. Someone switched Elena’s diary with Caroline’s. Now she looks like an idiot. Was it Damon? Yeah it was. Elena asked why he had done it and he replied: For my own purposes. To which she said: I don’t think so. I don’t think that’s the reason at all. She really thinks she’s hot enough to make a cruel vampire feel empathy or compassion. I respect the confidence.

Elena’s aunt comes over and tells her she should be nicer to Damon. Damon takes control of her aunt and Elena has a horrible argument with Judith/Damon. She runs to Matt and asks if she can borrow his car, saying she just wants to be alone right now. She drives straight to the old graveyard. She parks the car and while she was hysterically laughing/crying she feels Damon’s presence. She tries to get across the river, because Damon can’t cross running water. Something goes wrong and she crashes Matt’s car and drowns.

Bonnie, Meredith and Stefan find her and pull her corpse out of the water. The next bit was so confusing and I couldn’t tell if Elena was dead or not because Bonnie kept referring to her as a “wax doll”. For a bit I thought there was an actual doll in the river and Damon took Elena, but no she was actually dead. The darkness comes once again and Stefan tells them to run. He shouts that he’ll leave Elena under the Willow trees. Bonnie realizes that the reason Stefan is telling them this because he will not be there when they come back for Elena.

Since Elena didn’t say anything about Damon to Stefan, he doesn’t know that that night when Damon broke in, she drank his blood and he drank hers. He didn’t know that she died with Damon’s blood in her system.

Stefan is going after Damon. He’s planning on killing himself. He’s fed on Tyler, Caroline and their friends. He has to be stronger if he wants to take on Damon. He doesn’t care about getting caught because he doesn’t plan on living long enough to get caught. But what’s gonna happen once he realizes Elena is not dead? Is he gonna use his new strength to compel the people of the town?

While Stefan and Damon were fighting, trying to kill one another. Elena was waking up. Elena woke up. Hungry and tired. She could hear voices, someone screaming somewhere far away. She got up to follow them, when she remembered “him”. Oh yes, it was coming back now. She remembered him. He was the one who understood her, who loved her. He was the one she wanted to be with forever. And I had a slight feeling she’s not talking about Stefan.

Her next sentence confirmed my suspicions: He was there, with his black, fathomless eyes, and his secret smile. And he needed her help. She would help him. Stefan’s eyes are hazel. Is this because she died with Damon’s blood in her system in particular? Maybe that forms some kind of bond between them. God, as long as this book doesn’t have fated mates I’m good.

The book ends with Elena shaking ice crystals out of her hair and stepping into the clearing in the woods where Damon and Stefan were fighting.

I’m having so much fun reading this series. Honestly, I enjoy it a lot more than the TV show. I’m really glad the books are quite short, about 250 to 300 pages. Since I take notes while I read, it does take quite a bit some time to finish a book, usually about 4h. Writing the actual review takes a couple of hours too, but it does mean I can finish everything in one day. With longer books, especially other YA Fantasies which can be between 600 and 900 pages, it takes a long ass time to write.

I don’t remember the last time I was this excited about a book series. Is it perfect? No, definitely not. But it’s so entertaining. The fact that I know and love these characters already definitely helps.

Fingers crossed that the other authors who took over the series won’t ruin it.

Rating: ⛤⛤⛤⛤

[yueyehua]

2, 13, 17 !

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

In general there’s a few, but not all of them would work with the pairing I write primarily at the moment (PingXie from DMBJ) because I’m a big believer that just because you enjoy a trope doesn’t mean you should shoehorn it into every ship you like because they just would not work. Unless it’s an AU setting, and even then you’d probably need some serious mental gymnastics for some. Anyway 🏃‍♀️

For PingXie specifically I’d like to try a Hanahaki AU because I don’t know that anyone’s ever tried that (I have a specific scenario in mind, we’ll see if I ever get to actually writing it), or an A/B/O AU, which I know is a trope a lot of people dislike for understandable reasons, but if done correctly and from a certain angle it could be interesting (and not necessarily for smut purposes, I may or may not also have a scenario in mind for this 🏃‍♀️). This isn’t really a trope but I think the biggest thing I’d want to try is writing a real Long Fic™️. And by that I don’t mean word count, I mean something with a real intricate plot where there’s character development, plot twists, etc. because there are very very few of those for DMBJ, and that I know of a lot of the ones that do exist are for my no-no ships or tropes.

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

I don’t know that I’ve ever come across advice that I tried to replicate mostly because when I write it’s vibes for better or worse 🏃‍♀️ BUT that being said, I think the best indirect advice I have that isn’t even advice per se, more observation, is that studying literature is a good way to realize that taking cues from commercial writing advice isn’t necessarily a ground rule for good writing. Can it help you and get you started? Absolutely. You might resonate with it and that’s fine too. But anyone who calls themselves an “expert writer” because they’ve read a lot of books on writing and takes the liberty to police others with way more confidence than they should have about how chapters need certain word counts to keep the reader interested, that scenes need to be structured a certain way etc. is a red flag to me sorry. Saying art has no rules is a little bit exaggerated because it does, but in a sense it’s true. If there was anywhere where rules were meant to be broken or subverted it’s artistic creation, and though that might not be palatable for commercial publishing, doesn’t mean artistic license is worthless. There’s no one way to write, even commercially successful authors have their own distinct styles, so as long as it’s something you can make work and hone into a cohesive body of work, commercial writing advice in those “How to Write For Dummies” books aren’t the be all end all, and anyone using those as the exclusive guide on how to write and never evolving away from them are using them as a crutch they feel they can use to belittle others, but that’s just my hot take 🏃‍♀️

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

From start to finish more or less. Cohesion happens as I’m writing and no amount of planning is going to account for what actually ends up making up the filling of whatever framework I’m going off of. I’ve tried writing a few scenes out of order once because I got frustrated and skipped ahead, and I hated myself when I went back to edit/rewrite (because editing for me isn’t so much editing as it is rewording and sometimes rewriting entire portions because I’m not happy with the flow of the first draft). I think I write too streamlined to ever be able to cut things up like that 🫠

[1981suppress]

1. I don't understand the concept of comfort characters. I get what people mean when they reference or bring up that topic, but I've never felt that a character is like that to me. I usually enjoy analysing characters or enjoy the characters themselves due to their writing, personality, I find myself attracted to characters or I appreciate them and their significance to the story no matter how nuanced, but I can't say I have a "comfort character".

2. I like the way lighters look and feel in my hands but matches smell better and have a more striking sensation when you flick them. You can strike a match on almost anything, which in my opinion is better than just a portable refillable source of light. I don't smoke, I don't set things on fire, but I like the smell of match smoke and bonfires. Matches have relative aesthetic value.

3. When I was at my old house which is in a more private location, I tended to leave my window open for the breeze albeit still feeling fearful when I'd do it. Of course, I would pick and choose when to leave it open. Now that I've moved houses in October I almost never leave my window open, especially not at night.

4. I don't particularly believe in any cryptids, I like making stories as I'm a writer and a maladaptive daydreamer, and depending on the context I may incorporate a cryptid but only if it fits the narrative context, and I would never do it in a conventional way. I like complex, nuanced, artistic ideas of writing and film, I like unique things in general - I would never write a typical cryptid story or a story about solely a cryptid.

5. My eyes are technically hazel although they are mostly a medium to pale green with a splotch of brown around my pupils. In the light, or especially when I'm crying, they appear moreso green but in day to day they could be mistaken for darker. I don't mind brown eyes, in fact they can be very attractive, but it is not my eye colour.

6. I could say that for many things. A fair amount of the time I curse myself or condemn myself, depending on what it is. Due to my impeccable memory I remember almost everything. I'm always observing (when I choose) but if I'm in a zone I'm rarely an observant person. I pick up on the little things I do wrong and I assign them value that probably isn't significant in anyone else's eyes. I wish that I could be viewed a certain way, but the truth is I'm condemned to the view others assign to me which, at this current moment, is not a very good one. It's not like I did much rather than exist. The reactions of others to whenever I slip up may not stick in their minds, but they cling to me. They wouldn't think about what happened. But the ignorance of them clings to me like a bad smell. I mostly get upset, and then I get angry, but I choose to let it pass by because soon I will leave where I am, and move onto somewhere else.

7. Hairties are only acceptable. Scrunchies, the majority of the time, are a hit or miss. I rarely think I would look good with one, whilst hairties are more versatile, to use when I would put my hair up into a bun, high bun, or a high ponytail. They can be used to hold together a shoe without looking too obnoxious. You can wrap them around your wrists for later without looking like a weirdo.

8. Honestly, my room is a shithole but I don't think there's a single water bottle in there. I mean, I wouldn't know, I'm not in there right now; but from what I remember I don't think there is. Either way, it doesn't matter to me, despite how much I love it I rarely remember to drink water anyway.

9. I've never been a coffee fan and I doubt I ever will. I don't want to say I'd imagine I'd like cold coffee just to be unique because that would be dishonest and pretty stupid. I can't be the judge of which I would like since I don't like coffee at all. Maybe it would be the same as milk, I love cold milk with a bit of vanilla, warm milk is alright but I rarely ever choose to drink it. If my palate ever develops when it comes to coffee I'll figure it out then. In the meantime, my answer is this.

2 days later, I have come back to answer the rest.

10. It depends, in which situation and which individuals you're talking about. I've thought of 'eat the rich' as a term to be more of a metaphor than a literal thing, the meaning being an abolition of worship of the rich. The majority of the time I think the only people who should be slaughtered are pedophiles and rapists, but even then I don't agree with the general sentiment of slaughter. I have nuanced views on the death penalty, whilst I generally believe in rehabilitation in some instances the death penalty is applicable, only for the worst of the worst - those above redemption. I don't think I'd slaughter the rich in general although there are many reprehensible rich people whom, if there was a chance, should be at the very least locked up, at the most probably slaughtered. But either way in this worlds state I don't think that any of it would happen.

11. I mean I couldn't say because I've never really got the chance to do any. I know this may sound strange, but I don't think any educational program I've been to has actually had extracurriculars. I guess if they did I would like the idea of theatre but I probably wouldn't do it since I have no confidence in any way whatsoever. I wish I could - I have the potential and knowledge, I can act when I'm alone, I know about film, literature, music and theatre, I taught myself how to sing and I do it well, all I lack is my confidence. That's why I basically gave up on that idea. I'd be open to sewing, as I'm quite good at what I've done of it, have an omi who was a textiles teacher, and in general am a very quick learner.

12. Honestly, today was incredibly boring, but that's not too dissimilar to most days in my life. It's night right now - 9:26pm to be exact - and it's pouring outside. I actually quite like the rain. It was raining for a little bit yesterday too, but definitely not as much as today. It's the very start of winter and I'm already preparing for a long period of beautiful chill and rain. Sadly, not unlike most days of my monotonous life, I woke up at almost 2pm. I did nothing with my day, and I have an assignment due in less than 2 days which I haven't started.

13. The last time I ate was not very long ago, in fact I can still taste it in my mouth. I had indomie mi goreng noodles of course, my go to when dinner can't be made. I can't just eat crap all the time though, because I've gained a significant amount of weight, despite my good metabolism. I hate exercising so to lose this will be tricky.

14. Most definitely. I like rain in general, and the smell of rain in its moment as well as after is gorgeous to me. I personally think rain is overhated, though despite this most people tend to enjoy the smell of after-rain. I never really think about it much anymore. All I think about on the topic of rain is the stuff I wish I'd be doing when it's falling.

15. I'm not literally a parent, although in the future (if I ever find love) I'd definitely be open to it, though only if I'm 100% ready, which will likely be in my early 30s. I have two cats (grey "russian blue" although she is definitely not a purebred with her stripey tail and yellow eyes, and a black domestic) and a dachshund, which personally I don't count as being a parent since I hate the terms "cat mom" and "dog mom". Hopefully someday I get the chance.

16. I cannot, although hopefully when summer hits I'll try for my license. I mean, to me it wouldn't really matter anyways as I'm a frequent flyer (or rider in this case) of public transport. If I'm in a situation where I can ride in someone else's car or just catch the train/bus, I wouldn't see the need of getting a car. Although personally, I'm probably gonna get one anyway.

17. I know that I'm one of those but for the God of me I can't remember which one. Just know that I wear glasses and have had to for over a year. At least I think that's how long? Well, I've NEEDED to since December 2022 but I only got my proper prescription around a year ago. Either way, it is what it is.

18. I don't really use hair products to be honest. Although it's probably taboo to mention on here, I don't take care of myself as much as I'm supposed to. When showering I just use whatevers on the rack, I don't remember the names of them.

19. In my current situation I can't imagine I'd be at a sleepover with anyone, but if I was, hypothetically, I would absolutely not be able to do anyones nails. I can't even do my own nails properly without giving up less than half way through, let alone somebody else's. I think the last time I had a sleepover was in October of last year. Time flies fast, I still remember a year ago like it was yesterday. I miss my old face.

20. I would never say either of those. Due to my origin, the only acceptable term would be fizzy drinks, but I don't use that most of the time either. I say carbonated drinks - usually referenced in a way to say I dislike them, which I do because the texture does not suit my palate and I find them hard to finish.

21. I've kept a few things since my childhood. The most significant ones I can count are the teddy blankies - my two pink baby blankets with teddy bear heads that I've had since I was born. I still cherish them, along with the rest of my plush toys, and I would absolutely never give them away. I will most likely keep them until the day I die, although the topic of death is my only taboo. I do not like to think about it.

22. There are many descriptors that I could use to describe myself. I, as is the same with everyone and everything that exists on earth, am very complex and nuanced. If I wanted to truly answer this question it would probably take days or maybe even weeks on end. To condense it, I'd consider myself an intelligent person, very self aware, but critical and with the tendency to be dramatic and a bit pretentious/judgemental. I'm in love with the arts and I know a lot about many different topics. I dress however I want without care, but I am very much a people pleaser and would never want to make someone upset or mad. I love people and humanity, and am above all a moralist, although when it is necessary I can criticise and gossip. I love having fun but I'm extremely lonely - I daydream about a better life. I have potential but I waste the majority of it. Most importantly, I am myself and that's the shortest way of saying it.

23. I absolutely adore chilly weather. Winter and Autumn are most definitely my favourite seasons. I've never been sensitive to the cold, and of course, as one does in winter, I can wear wonderful clothes. Who wouldn't want to do that? At least, who with a brain wouldn't. I especially love the breeze and the wind, when it's bitey and blows strong, tickling your face all over. Cold is indubitably better than the heat.

24. It depends who you are. If you are a person of whomst would be perfect in my mind, down to his very details, then we would be chatting or something else I must not mention. If you're anyone, I would most likely be staring off into whatever is near us, or gossiping along about random world topics (or relevant information/personal life events).

25. Perfume/body spray is the superior option. I almost never use lotion apart from when I feel my skin is drying out, and even then I use moisturiser, not some silly scented lotion cream. Although to be honest, I could definitely do a better job of taking care of my skin. My skin has always been beautiful, but recently has become dehydrated, as shown with the premature lines on my forehead.

26. Oh goodness, I could name a few. As I mentioned previously I am a maladaptive daydreamer, although a few common scenarios I most likely couldn't say here. I mean, I probably could, but my inner confidence sways me in the opposite direction. Most of them are just imaginings of a romantic relationship that I doubt will ever come. I only have to hope, I guess. One of them in particular is in an office, where I was hired by a restrictive person in a restrictive relationship, and I have mutual untold feelings for someone who is tender but teases me with light-hearted disagreements. It's generally a very comforting thing. Less cringey than it sounds. That's one of many.

27. Last night? Well I went to bed around 2am, I know, naughty of me. I officially got woken up around 10:30am but I went back to sleep like the sloth that I am. Eventually I awoke once again at 1:50pm and complained about how, once again, I wasted my whole day away. That's what I get for being utterly obsessed with my dreams.

28. I haven't worn a mask since covid, which doesn't feel like too long ago. Honestly, I'm shocked it's been years since I was in it, and now can actually reflect on the past that WAS covid. Time really does fly by too fast. I can see it in the way my face changes for the worse. I can see it in the way that everything is the same but somewhat grown.

29. Shower water is best warm. Not hot, not cold, but warm. It's not a medium temperature of course, it's on the hotter side, but it's twisted to a way where it's comfortable like a warm blanket wrapped around you and you can feel yourself dreading to leave the shower, knowing you're going to feel cold immediately as you step out.

30. Though my room could easily be put in comparison to a clothing trash heap, I would never EVER keep food or dishes in here. To me that's reprehensible. I am acquainted with those who've done that, and it's nothing short of abhorrent. I may not be the best chosen to criticise, but I would never keep dirty dishes in my room.

31. I don't usually think of music as a thing to keep me grounded per se, and throughout my life I've listened to all different sorts of music. I don't even know if I can answer that question. If the question was what type of music do I enjoy, I'd say currently I like triphop, and very particular musicals (only just les miserables) with other alternative types of music spread about, as well as tunes that I don't stick to defining by a genre.

32. The only towels I really use are the baby blue ones, they just seem nice and soft to me, and they're a gorgeous little colour so of course I'd want to use them. They're practically designated to me anyways, so even if I felt like using another towel I'd feel like I'm not allowed to do so.

33. To be completely honest with you, I don't think I've been on an adventure in an incredibly long time, to the point where I can't even remember the last time I did. My life is more boring and monotonous than you actually could imagine, when I say I do nothing I actually mean it. Every day is the same depressing mess of a thing, my life is barely an excuse for a life. I so desperately want to do more.

34. It's very easy for me to remember lyrics, so I could say that for almost every single one of the 15,263 songs on my liked list. Although probably the most memorised lyrics would be that of almost the whole Les Miserables musical adaptation. I love the Original London Cast, particularly Roger Allam, whose voice (and everything) I am completely in love with.

35. My timezone is the AEST as I reside in Sydney, Australia (specifically the Sutherland Shire, I know, the horror of it.)

36. With accounts, I almost never change the URL's, unless it is completely necessary. I enjoy just creating new accounts when I'm bored (those of which I abandon in about a day unless they are particularly entertaining/useful). This one of course is a sub-branch of my original account so I can't say I've ever changed the URL of this since it's a new account.

37. I don't think I can count anyone that I know currently who fits into that box. I wish I could, if I continued onto where I was 10 years ago instead of leaving prematurely maybe I might’ve still known those people now, but the past is in the past and there is nothing I can do about it. I guess there's no point in reminiscing about what could've been.

38. Personally, I don't use soap bars. The only soap bar I ever use is the tiny little scrap of a thing at my Omis house that currently resides on the sink in her bathroom. Other than that, handsoap and shower gel are the priorities.

39. I used to use lip balm very often, in fact I had a whole collection (albeit ones that I used to hell and not in the correct pacing) but this year I practically haven't used one at all. Let's just say that my lips would not be very kissable. Although, I don't doubt there are people out there somewhere in the world that don't care about kissing chapped lips or not.

40. If small cookies are counted as snacks, which I guarantee they most likely are, then yes I have had snacks today. Usually when I do have snacks they're from my friend Trevor, the elderly man at JBHIFI who gives me Reese's Peanut Butter cups, and is an absolute darling. We have such long conversations. Other than that, I don't really think about what I eat, or rather what I snack on.

41. My answer to this is that I don't take my coffee. I hate coffee, despise it rather. If I was given coffee, I would transfer it to somebody else. I just don't understand the following coffee has gathered, to me it tastes like crap. Maybe in the future my palate may develop, who knows, anything could happen (personally I doubt it would).

42. As much as it pains me to admit it I am an avid tiktok user. I use it almost every day along with tumblr and spotify. I've become resigned to the fact that I'm absolutely addicted to my phone. It's actually become a problem that affects my day to day life for the worse. I really need to pick up better hobbies.

43. I have a relative spice tolerance and depending on what is in it, spicy food can be wonderful. I'm generally pretty open minded when it comes to food. I like to think of food as its own art, and the ingredients, seasonings, toppings, etc as the different features of the art. In turn, this creates a delicious painting, highlighting all the attributes that contribute to the final product.

44. This would probably depend based on the trajectory of my life whenever I answer it in the future (or present) but as of now I would probably pick the walking breathing piece of garbage, the sad sack of putrid flesh, the poor pathetic excuse for a human being that is Benjamin Netanyahu.

45. Of course I can remember what happened yesterday. As I stated somewhere riddled throughout this jumbled text, my memory is absolutely impeccable. If this is an invitation to describe my day, trust me I won't be following through with that. I'm just not in that kind of mood. But if I can remember moments from years ago, I can very obviously remember yesterday, no matter how mundane it was.

46. I don't watch holiday films. I don't think a single film that I like is a holiday film. I know a lot about films and the film industry, but I actually don't watch many at all. I just watch what my mind thinks will fit into my niche box of interests, which a holiday film definitely wouldn't.

47. The last message that I sent was into my personal channel in my close acquaintances server, and that was "Virgin airbuds user chad last.fm enjoyer". I thoroughly stand by that statement.

48. It was most likely when I was very young, just a very minuscule sip of rosé, which made my juvenile mind think "wow, this isn't that bad". I don't have a personal attachment to rosé now, and I don't wish to consume alcohol in my life as my father was (and maybe still is) an alcoholic.

49. I don't think I've even ever tried it, I've never personally wished to, so I can't say whether or not I hypothetically could. Maybe I would be able to, maybe I wouldn't. I'll most likely never know.

50. I don't think you would either way.

here’s weirder asks

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

lighter or matches?

do you leave the window open at night?

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

what color are your eyes?

why did you do that?

hair-ties or scrunchies?

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

would you slaughter the rich?

favorite extracurricular activity?

what kind of day is it?

when was the last time you ate?

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

can you drive?

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

what hair products do you use?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

something you’ve kept since childhood?

what type of person are you?

how do you feel about chilly weather?

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

perfume/body spray or lotion?

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

do you wear a mask?

how do you like your shower water?

is there dishes in your room?

what type of music keeps you grounded?

do you have a favorite towel?

the last adventure you’ve been on?

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

what’s your timezone?

how many times have you changed your url?

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

a soap bar that smells good?

do you use lip balm?

did you have any snacks today?

how do you take your coffee?

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

can you remember what happened yesterday?

favorite holiday film?

what was the last message you sent?

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

can you skip rocks?

can i tag you in random stuff?

[justmybookthots]

I did read a fair bit in April, but for some reason my brain wasn't in the mood to talk about it in my reading journal. Well, now I'm forcing it so it has no choice. I'll just compromise and make my reviews brief. And yes — a lot of thrillers in this month because I didn't want to read anything that had romance in it for a while due to a writing project that was very romance-heavy. I WILL say that reading six thrillers back-to-back has shot my nerves to pieces so 😂

Dead of Winter: I remember reading another book then downloading Dead of Winter and just opening it for a peek. WHAT I DIDN'T EXPECT was that the action had already started in Chapter 1 and next thing I knew, I was reading it like a mad man and I could not stop. I need to say that I guessed the plot twist one-third through the book and some of the logistics behind it but surprisingly, it did not ruin the story for me. It was actually one of the few thrillers I read that made me feel claustrophobic and scared. Long after I was done, I kept thinking about it, feeling a) sad for some of the characters' suffering and b) scared/disturbed. I always thought gore didn't matter to me in written form but this book proved me wrong. Overall a really good book.

Never Coming Home: I enjoyed this one a lot, too. I was also a little disturbed and rattled by this book. More than that, I was sad because some of these people were genuinely all-right people in my books (ha ha, bad pun). But they met a terrible ending, anyway. I kinda had to suspend my disbelief about the killer getting away with this shit but I gotta say: I always enjoy the 'And Then There Were None' premise. 

Everyone is Watching: This thriller actually wasn't scary, and while I'd definitely have complained had I read this first, it ended up serving as a palate cleanser after I read two really disturbing books. This was also my first time reading a book where certain characters DID THE RIGHT THING and weren't completely morally reprehensible, and I was shocked. I don't see likeable/rootable characters in thrillers often. Overall, despite lacking some of the tension and fear I'd normally have liked, it was circumstantially welcome for me and kept me engaged throughout. I would have liked if a certain subplot/thread had been wrapped up though — it had just been left there to dangle.

Ward D: Freida McFadden is often hit or miss for me in regards to story resolution, but this was a HIT!! Again, I guessed the plot twist like one-third the way in (I don't know if I'm being smarter or I've just read too many thrillers), but the journey was so thrilling and I couldn't stop reading. That's her gift, isn't it? Somehow she's perfected the formula to make her books unputdownable. I was cheering for Spider-Dan at the end, haha. I really liked this one!

That's Not My Name: Okay, so this book made me uncomfortable. The idea of a girl waking up and living with a strange man who claims to be her father was so… icky. Can you imagine?? Sharing a secluded cabin with a man you don't even know but you have to take his word that he's your dad? Thank God the man never did anything sexual because I would have vomited right then and there. Also, the ending actually made me tear up because it was really sad. I did skim in parts but other than that a pretty solid book? I don't like this as much as the aforementioned thrillers I read, though.

Everyone Here Is Lying: This was my first time reading a book with this writing style. It feels… well, not bad, just different — almost like I'm reading a report of everyone's POVs in the suburbs. It feels kinda impersonal, the way things are written? I can't put a finger on it. I don't think it's necessarily something I disliked. It was actually very engaging UNTIL the mystery reveal came in and I was like: huh??? This is so anticlimactic. This is the reveal? The culprit was like, barely mentioned up until that point. It's what made me dock a star. Other than that, the journey was pretty entertaining and I love domestic thrillers.

Wrath of the Talons: Okay. So. The first half of this book? I have to say it's kinda garbage. It's extremely repetitive with Lina going around, killing some Blackbloods, then gathering allies with just a few nice words and some baubles/valuables as bribes. I don't think she did it in any way that was significant or impressive, and I don't think she's sly as the other characters keep praising her to be – she's honestly just dumb if you ask me, lmao. I kept comparing her to Jude Duarte and being like: this is a Walmart knockoff. That said, the second half with the Prophecy came in and I was really hooked by that, and how Rui was trying to handle it. I also just really like seeing him in pain because of it. 🙂 In any case, the ENDING is what made a solid three-star book into four stars for me. Or at least a high three stars. That was delicious and I won't spoil it but I loved how it came full circle with the man whose wife Lina killed. I was originally pretty annoyed with how she thought it was okay to deceive that man into an alliance after what she did, but the culmination of that plot point was splendid. I'm really curious about the next book, which is coming out later this year, I think? It's a lot faster than I expected given we waited so long for this book, so I have a feeling this is just a placeholder date, but we'll see!!!

Okay — I'm done wrapping up. I won't be mentioning the Mediator reread right now. All in all, this was a productive reading month for me (shockingly) despite all the fanfic writing I did this month and I'm pretty content about it. I'll see where the next month takes me… 

- 1 May 2024

[steveyockey]

louis “I will keep you from reading my daughtersister’s own account of her assault at the hands of a stranger and at mine because I tell myself I am protecting her memory but however true that may be in reality I am still incapable of reckoning with what others did to her when I was not protecting her and what I did when she was protecting both of us, that I made her to be my child but instead forced her under the thumb of my own master and couldn’t even kill him to free us both, that I deprive her the agency I crave in asserting my own free will through telling this story” de pointe du lac I’ve got your number BITCH

[idrellegames]

Not an ask. But thank you so much for the aspec representation in Wayfarer. It's so refreshing to see an alloaro character like Veyer that is canonically alloaro and isn't the character archetype that sleeps around a lot and you just hope that they are around but then they eventually gets "fixed" by love. Anyways thanks for being awesome.

I so very rarely see alloaro characters handled with respect in fiction since it's so easy to boil their traits down to "noncomittal person who sleeps around until the right person comes around and fixes them". It's the flip same of the same coin as romantic asexuals, where the character gets boiled down to "inexperienced person who has never had sex until the right person comes around and fixes them."

Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are so often tied together as a single experience. And it is this way for many people, but not for everyone. Just speaking generally as an ace person, my experience is that aromanticism and asexuality are more palatable for non-acespec folks when they're treated as something that goes hand in hand. But being aroace isn't the only way to be aromantic or asexual - there's a huge variety of way people experience attraction and calling treating romantic and sexual attraction as the same thing is a disservice to everyone (even for allosexuals whose sexual orientation may not match up with their romantic one!).

Within the context of storytelling - at least in western writing - there's a narrative demand to meet certain expectations otherwise the trajectory may fall flat and be seen as unfulfilling. A committed relationship that includes both romance and sex is typically the desired end goal with fictional relationships (look at any romantic comedy, even going back to Shakespeare - Shakespearen comedies always end with a wedding). You can also look to the prevalence of the OTP in fandom - there's a desire to see your favourite characters get together in a specific way and to have that relationship come to fruition. And it is quite fun! I don't mean this as a knock against it - I enjoy OTPs myself, I love romance in fiction so much. I love a satisfying romance arc. Most of my OCs for video games have relationships and its a focal part of their character development.

But this does mean that aromantic and asexual people often sit on the sidelines because they don't fit perfectly into that type of story structure. So it can be very difficult to include them. They blur the lines of the format. They make it a little messy. They don't match the expectation.

I think with aromantic characters, too, both writers and audiences don't know what to do with them. There's always this lingering sense of disappointment that romance is off the table, that their arc isn't going to culminate in a committed relationship. Even in the world of IF and gaming, we don't have terminology to classify aromantic characters who can have some kind of relationship with the player character because the terminology is Romance Option (RO) or Love Interest (LI). Wayfarer's character roster is evidence of how much of a stumbling block this is - Aeran and Veyer are included on it as "romances", even though they aren't in the traditional sense (Aeran falls into the "conditional" label, Veyer is in the "tryst" one, but neither of them are technically "romances" in the traditional sense).

As for Veyer themself, they aren't interested in romance. They are in their 60s, they've been around the block a few times, they know what they do and do not want. They know what their life is like and what they can and cannot commit to due to outside factors. They may be smitten with people they find interesting or intriguing, but romance or long-term commitment isn't a part of that.

This doesn't mean that they can't be compassionate or genuinely care about their partners or enjoy their company, they're just going about it in a different way.

[tysonfurybattlepass]

ok i found it on the actual creator’s channel https://youtu.be/bKYXabvHcuA?si=nDRGpDmeFhEaNmE8

tw: i mean this is a horror story so somebody fucking dies but like. is that not what we’re here for. only other big one is discussion of past SA that is a little more than what i would consider vague, so tread with caution on that front.

anyway, fantastic voice work that really elevated a mid story. justin’s VA really sold it and brought a lot more personality to what was, on paper, a fairly unremarkable protag. he demonstrated an impressive range with the character, code switching between the beginning tone and the climax tone very well.

cannot give enough props to andy’s VA for how great his Guy About To Get Murdered voice is. sells the panic and confusion to the level i would expect from a professional actor in a tv show or movie. super super good atmosphere.

the 911 dispatcher scene is one of the first things to have really made me laugh in a while. served as a great pacing tool and marcus was excellent comic relief to help palate cleanse and recharge us for the intensity soon to come. “actually, can you put me back on hold? i think the music was helping me think” 10/10 i laffed

really enjoyed the banter between the two leads as well. the dialogue is one area i think the writing is actually really good, so the VA’s were able to volley really well and it felt natural and at times, absurd in an almost comedic way.

twist was contrived but serviceably executed i guess, so whatever. i’m also biased in that i tend to enjoy this subgenre of horror in general, even when it isn’t super well executed. i will say i didn’t expect this trope, though this is mostly due to the two leads both being adult men and not any particular merit of the writing. overall a fine writing piece. just fine. again, it’s the voice work that really makes this one worth your time. voicing this story, particularly the actual confrontation at the climax, was a monumental task that i would discourage any amateur from trying to tackle. i was already impressed by the first half, but when i heard the delivery of “give me that fuckin’ ring.” i knew i was listening to a professional, and it was about to get really fucking good.

overall, a high energy and emotionally charged piece like this is a huge challenge to tackle for a VA and if even one of the actors had flopped it would have been a disastrous failure. luckily i think both the leads and the comic relief did a fantastic job.

stumbled across a guest feature piece on mcp’s channel while drawing yesterday and it’s sooo good i gotta check out the VA’s channel