#anyway. I hate it here. I was making some progress in being more comfortable around intimacy and with my sexuality again

[loumauve]

as someone who's gone through some level of sexual assault (and stalking and just gross crossing of personal and physical boundaries) in the past, there's something particularly fucked up about a guy you're somewhat close with telling you about how their group of guys has a running joke about how someone needs to (kindly put bc translation for that fucking sentence.. fucking yikes. I'd rather not think about it) get it on with you to improve your mood. apparently they're now at 125,- as price money for the one who does it.. which jfc. (why did I ask what they were talking about, and for fucks sake why did he feel so comfortable telling me)

like.. for context: work/school has been hell since March bc there's so much hate speech and crossing of even just the most basic of boundaries and all manners of snide comments and loud screaming and yelling and hitting desks and slamming doors and just.. guys escalating any tiny situation into what would usually lead to someone being fucking fired from their job and maybe slapped with a lawsuit, but here there's zero consequence and now I'm being gaslit into believing that I am the problem for being offended. and I just.. I'm at if not way past my limit. so I've had a near constant migraine for the past months. which.. sure I'm a little grumpy but I've still been polite and respectful, so honestly there's nothing for any of them to get annoyed with other than how one of them told me, and yeah... I know, to smile more..

just.. I feel so grossed out and uncomfortable and there's nothing I can do except hope the internship stuff is sorted out next week so I can be away from that place and those people for the next few months at least.

fucking hell tho. I'm literally in hell. this is worse than the 2 years of group bullying and mistreatment at my old work place. talk about draining experiences. this is the last thing I needed on top of all the grieving and anxiety

[staybabblingbaby]

Soulmate Garden AU Ch.5 (Verbena) a1d1

[Caution: These are not full fics, or even full parts of fics for some, these are part of my writing progress archive!]

Concept: Growing up, you knew Soulmates weren't all that they cracked up to be. So when, on your 18th birthday, your skin is painted with a garden of flower buds, you resolve to hide it from everyone. Who had ever heard of someone with 8 soulmates, anyway?

Or; Reader has 8 soulmates and no issue avoiding all of them. It's up to SKZ to show her that while every soulbond might not be made of fairy tales, theirs certainly could be.

Word Count: 1,903

TO THE UNAWARE: THIS IS A PROGRESS UPDATE OF A CHAPTER NOT REMOTELY CLOSE TO DONE! PLEASE DON'T EXPECT A FULL OR POLISHED PRODUCT HERE

Notes: Wow!!! It's been forever! It's amazing what a decent night's sleep can do for one's creativity. Cranked this out in abt 3ish hours???? maybe 4??? It's ok this has been marinating in my brain for fucking ever lmao, but I fried my brain getting it out so this is what we have for now o7

Dividers by @saradika

Warnings: She/Her Reader, Mentions of panic attack, Reader is processing her feelings </3

Leave me comments or questions or anything! Love hearing from folks <3

Masterlist <3 | Main Part (Unfinished </3)

By some miracle, you make it home without incident.

You slam open your front door for the second time in as many days, and make straight for your room to properly scream into your pillow. You’re late for work at this point, having intended to go straight from the gym to your office, but honestly just the thought of being a functioning human being right now made you want to cry. Everything made you want to cry, actually.

You hear the door to your room creak open slowly, and you can practically see Taylor’s stupid considerate blond head peeking in cautiously even from your position laying face down on your mattress trying to suffocate in your pillows. He takes the lack of soft objects being flung at him as welcome and invites himself further into the room.

You’re not sure how your roommate seems to spawn wherever you are when you’re upset, but when the bed dips under his weight, and Taylor’s warm, not-your-soulmate, hand soothes comfortingly down your spine, you can only be grateful for the superpower.

Your roommate lets you marinate in your misery for a bit, running his fingers through your hair and just being a silent comfort. Eventually though, he get tired of your brooding and tugs lightly at the strangs between his fingers.

“Alright, out with it.” He demands softly, “Who am I killing? Where are we hiding the body? I need details.”

You huff a soft laugh into your pillows and roll over to the side of your bed, arm wildly swinging about in search of the gym bag you’d dropped during your dramatics. You find it after a moment or two and fumble around to unzip and pull out that atrocious hat. You take satisfaction in flinging it at Taylor’s face, even if he manages to catch it before it hits him.

“No murder,” You answer at last, face once more smooched between pillows, “Just hate myself.”

There’s a moment of silence as Taylor studies the hat, and you’d bet the mix of disgust and puzzlement at the offending item would be priceless if you could bring yourself to look at him. As it is, you reject the thought of receiving any sort of joy and remain prone.

You can tell the moment he realizes what exactly he’s holding, because he sighs heavily and drops his full weight onto your back.

Ignoring your pained grunt and weak struggle to free yourself (because of course he knows the pressure grounds you. Stupid best friend knowledge) Taylor asks, “So, what happened? Whose signiture is it?I can’t murder my favorite group, but I’m sure I could start some sort of fan war if I needed to.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” You sulk to your pillows, giving up on freedom and going limp. Taylor gently raps against your skull with his knuckle in reprimand.

“C’mon now. I know that’s not true. You’re here instead of work.” The blond gently points out.

And curse the man, but he has a point. If you really wanted to hide from what happened you’d be in your office right now, pilling on so much work you couldn’t think of anything else. You’d drown your feelings in routine like you’d tried to this morning.

You whine and squirm a moment longer, but Taylor easily keeps his seat on your back, and you quickly give up again.

“I had a panic attack in front of him,” You admit, shifting to more fully bury yourself, hoping the words will be too muffled to make up. You can’t help the rush of hot shame that shoots through you as you recall your loss of composure.

Usually you’d at least make your way to somewhere more private, brushing off stray tears as allergies and any stuttering as nerves, but you’d just been hit so quickly with the bond, struck so violently by how gentle it felt, you’d been helpless to anything but crumple where you stood.

“Yeah? You doin’ alright?” Taylor coos gently, a hand coming up to knead firmly at the base of your neck, another grounding technique you’d taught him. You grumble as tension you didn’t realize you were carrying slowly leeches out of you at his ministrations, leaving you boneless and desperately holding back tears again. This is why you’d told him this particular action was for emergencies only, it left you feeling vulnerable and soft.

You sniff quietly, your voice thick when your reply, “I don’t know.”

“C’mon love,” Taylor cajoles, “tell me all about it.”

“I- I just.” You stutter and gulp quietly, tears finally spilling over, “He was way too nice to me,” the words crawl out of your throat unbidden, and you finally let everything you’d been carrying overflow.

“I keep putting them through rejection, an’- and I’m a terrible soulmate but he was so kind and he helped me through the panic and he has to hate me now and I don’t know why I can’t just not want them when they scare me so bad,” You blubber out, curling in on yourself when Taylor moves off of you to give you the space to breathe through your tears, huge, gasping, sobs escaping you between words.

Your roommate lets you get your feelings out, holding you through it and rocking you gently. It doesn’t take long for your tears to run out though, you’d never been able to let go of yourself for long.

When your sobs are reduced back to sniffles, Taylor smiles kindly at you.

“You’re kinda dumb.”

You gasp in offense, trying to turn enough to smack him, but Taylor just giggles and holds you tighter so you can’t retaliate.

“I mean it!” He asserts through his laughter, “You keep acting like it’s the end of the world to have trauma, be nicer to yourself,” He scolds lightly. “Besides, of course they’re nice to you! Their whole brand is being kind and generous people.” He lectures, “As a STAY it is my solemn duty to inform you that those men love like breathing. It’s obvious in everything they do, of course their first instinct is to love you.”

Taylor looks down at you with bright eyes, his smile says he hopes for you, and you find yourself swept away by his optimism, “You just have to give yourself a chance, love.”

You lean heavily against him, a silent agreement. You can’t say the words yet, can’t find forgiveness in your heart for how you’ve treated the people who have supported both you and your roommate through your hardest times, though in different ways. But still, his words forge determination on your behalf.

Taylor taps your side where the newest batch of flowers has freshly bloomed.

“Though,” he contemplates, “I’m not entirely convinced you’re actually rejecting them.”

You sniff miserably, squirming around to face the blond, “What do you mean?” You scrunch your nose in confusion, “I’ve run from every one of them, of course I am.”

“No, yeah,” he agrees, “I just mean that you’re not showing any symptoms.”

You think about it for a moment, and have to concede the point. Taylor must see it in your face, because he continues, “I mean, you’re about as moody as normal,” You gently punch his chest for that, but h just catches your wrist and keeps talking, “No nausea, dizziness, body aches, muscle weakness. Hell, you just came back from the gym.”

Taylor interrupts himself with a gasp and bolts upright, “Ohmygod the gym! Did you meet Changbin?! Is that Changbin’s signature on your ugly fucking hat?! No. Wait.” Taylor holds up a hand and visibly reels himself in, taking a deep breath. “Fanboy later, friendship now.” He breathes again before getting back on track.

“Right. So. What I meant was actual Rejection is an active choice, and it’s ugly for all parties involved. You’ve just been reacting, so I don’t think you’re, like, actually causing harm.” He finally finishes explaining.

Again, you have to give him the point. Annoyingly reasonable man that he is. You haven’t felt any pain aside from the annoying prickling of the unacknowledged bond. You’ve felt unsettled, restless and uneasy, but nothing of the physical ills that accompany a soulmate rejection.

As the rejecting party, you’d be hit the worst by it, so the fact that you haven’t felt so much as a headache from anything but your own tears is good news.

Hope flutters on cautious wings in your chest.

Eventually Taylor leaves you, having used most of his lunch break to coach you through your emotions. You’d have to get him something nice to thank him later.

For your part, you decide to head into work after all, the guilt of others having to pick up your slack driving you forward. Besides, you could really use the distraction. Letting your emotions process in the background while you completed your daily tasks was exactly what you needed after the upheaval of the morning.

Unfortunately for you, your recent absence and tardiness had made you the perfect target to push off the undesirable jobs for the day, leading to you trudging through the heat to meet a client who absolutely had to have this meeting today, but couldn’t leave their gallery unattended.

Honestly, even though you’d grumbled about it when you’d realized you’d have to leave the office, you weren’t actually too mad about it.

The client you were on your way to meet was the curator of a small local gallery, the pretentious kind of hipster place you normally wouldn’t set foot in. However, if you recalled correctly, this month they were showing collections themed around flora. A subject right up your wheelhouse.

If you had any luck, your meeting would be quick and, since you’d put it off as long as you could (just like all the coworkers that had managed to push it off to you), it had ended up your last task for the day. You’d be free to peruse the gallery to your heart’s content as long as the meeting didn’t drag past the gallery’s closing time.

The universe seems to (finally!) be on your side, because the meeting does go mercifully smoothly. So much so that you’re convinced that it could have been an email and you’d been dragged out of your office for nothing, but whatever. Free admission.

In fact, the cuator offers to tour you through the exhibits on display themself, only leaving you to your own devices when a wealthy-looking someone-or-other approaches about purchasing a piece.

It’s much better this way, in your opinion. You can take your time staring blankly at the art, judging how well they’ve depicted the flowers precious to your heart, and sit with the storm of feelings in your heart without having to listen to some man tell you how each painting should make you feel.

You’re doing exactly that, staring blankly at a piece depicting the view from under a wisteria tree and thinking about your matching soulmark, when a man comes up to you, regardless of your narrow escape.

You glance at him from the corner of your eyes, only really seeing tufts of long blond hair peeking out from under a dark beanie, his face obscured by a black facemask. Fake glasses are perched daintily a-top his nose, and you immediately dismiss him as just another art snob you’re not really interested in listening to.

The 'Everything Always' Tag List: @chancloud8 , @sh0dor1 ,

To the readers who come across this: If you want to be added to the progress taglist for just this fic, let me know in the replies here or on this post!

[lowkeychenle]

Cruel Summer [ZCL] (M)

Description: He wants you. Everything to do with you--your heart, your body, all while keeping your friendship. What's a man to do during a 30-day hook up to get you to stay? (This fic is Chenle's POV!)

A/N: this is inspired by 'Cruel Summer' by Taylor Swift, please do listen to this song because it is SO AMAZING.

Genre: Fluff/Smut/Angst (very minimal angst, like u rlly have to squint)

Content Warnings: LOTS OF FLUFF AND SMUT. ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK OKAY. Drinking, alcohol, intoxication, some instances of friends being shitty/pushy Smut warnings: this has so much smut oh my god. anyway, use of pet names 'sunshine,' 'baby,' 'pretty,' and combinations of them, rough, unprotected sex, protected sex, choking, the smut rlly progressively gets softer but kinkier? a wee bit of dacrophyilia, one oral scene (m receiving), and i think that's it...i'm so sorry if I missed one this thing is so fucking long

Word Count: 20,050 (seriously wtf did I DO?!)

Pairing: Zhong Chenle x fem!Reader (feat. Mark, Haechan, Jaemin, Jeno, and two female OCs, Chaeyoung & Heewon)

Juliet's Masterlist | Requests

Day 1 | June 1st

Chenle, for his entire life, had always said summer was his favorite season. As time went on and he got older, that sentiment got less and less real to him. Now approaching his 23rd year of life, he’d been around long enough to know things younger Chenle never would’ve dreamed of.

Every single summer since high school graduation, Chenle has invited his friends to his family’s vacation house on the beach—including you, his best friend since middle school. You’d seen him through all his awkward phases, and the best part of his month-long summer excursion was seeing you despite how busy the two of you were throughout the year.

For thirty days, everything was normal. You were around, and he relished in your company.

For thirty days, he was able to forget everything except for you and a handful of other friends.

Not that he could ever not have you at the forefront of his mind. Despite the busy schedules you both endured, you somehow ended up crashing at his house often, or vice versa. He often occupied the other side of your bed and, for a long time, thought it was completely normal despite the very odd reactions some people had when he explained he wasn’t your boyfriend.

Nothing had ever happened. At least, not literally. He’d thought about making a move and kissing you, but he decided it wasn’t worth losing your friendship. Throughout your years together, he’d seen you get in relationships, get your heart broken, and break hearts. You’re comfortable being at your lowest with him, and he builds you back up piece by piece without complaint.

“Chenle,” you call from outside, jogging up to the front door. “Is everything in the car? Jaemin and Jeno are almost here.”

He raises his eyebrows as he glances around his house, wondering if he’s forgetting anything. And without meaning to, he scans over you as if he hasn’t been around you all day. Your skin glistens with a thin sheen of sweat from the overwhelming heat outside, and your shorts climb up your thighs with every passing second, but he swears he doesn’t notice.

“I think so. If we’re missing anything, we can just run into town,” he suggests, tagging his fingers on his sides to stop himself from reaching out to you.

Chenle had a little secret—one he hated keeping from you, but had to nonetheless—and it was simply that he was in love with you. It took him years to come to terms with it. After all this time, he accepted it. If he’s around you, the way he acts doesn’t have to change in the slightest. He’s always treated you as more than a best friend, as you’ve done to him, so there’s no reason for him to ruin that…right?

“You good?” You tilt your head at him. “We’re wasting time.”

“We have a whole month,” Chenle retorts.

“And you’re taking away from our first day.” Your eyes narrow, but before he responds, you turn your back on him and rush out the door, yelling at who he assumes is Jaemin finally arriving.

The four of you are driving together, while Mark, Hyuck, Heewon, and Chaeyoung were taking Mark’s car. They’d probably be a bit late, but Chenle didn’t mind.

His favorite thing was road trips—especially if you were involved. Even when Jaemin and Jeno slept in the backseat, you and Chenle had the radio up, the windows down, and you were singing at the top of your lungs. Your best look is when you’re this happy, yelling lyrics without a care in the world. He shouldn’t, but he steals glances at you whenever he can. You sing, looking at him and grabbing his arm and shaking him depending on what songs were on. Giggles pour out of your mouth when he gives you an incredulous look.

The song you replayed the most these days was Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift, and he would never get tired of it. Every time the chorus came on, you swept him up in your performance, and he almost laughed at the way he related to the lyrics.

And I screamed for whatever it's worth

I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

He wanted more, but he liked you like this. Hands flying into the air as you scream along to the music. Sooner or later, he ends up joining you. Whenever you’re involved, it’s not weird to find Chenle a single step behind you.

Chenle’s family had a large house on the beach. It was split down the middle, and one of his parents’ conditions was that the boys would stay on one side and the girls on the other. They didn’t have a way to prove any different, but everyone respected their rules.

Jaemin and Jeno typically played whatever game console was in the living room while Chenle got to spend a little bit of alone time with you before the rest of the hyper ones got in.

He stands across the kitchen, watching as you unload all of the snacks you brought onto the counter. After a long drive, the sun is setting on the horizon, and the pretty colors reflecting off your skin have him beyond distracted. It wouldn’t be weird for him to hug you. He’s been clingy with you since…well, since he first met you.

“You sure you don’t want any help?” he asks.

“It’s just little things.” You shrug, waving him off. “That drive was…exhausting.”

He laughs, biting down on his bottom lip to stop himself.

“What?” You continue taking boxes out of the bags.

“The drive always knocks you out, but you do the same thing every time anyway.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m gonna sit with Jaem and Jeno. Come out when you’re done?”

You grin at him. “I’ll only be a few more minutes. Go ahead.”

He leaves you in the kitchen, the nightfall creeping into the house and making his eyes heavy. His bed calls to him from upstairs, but he wants to wait for you. And he doesn’t have a choice but to wait for Mark and the rest of the gang, because they’ll have to have a way inside.

When you join him, you’re equally as tired as him. You slump next to him on the couch, resting your head on his shoulder. With your warmth pressed against him, he smiles and wraps his arm around you. Jaemin and Jeno are battling away, sleep not touching them any time soon after the nap they had in the car.

“You okay?” he whispers, careful not to alert the other two.

Nodding, you curl into him further, sighing into his chest. He hugs you, and somehow, you end up curled into a ball on his lap, head buried in his neck. Your breath tickles his skin, but he doesn’t dare disturb you.

He cradles the back of your head, rubbing his thumb on your scalp. When your breathing steadies, he relaxes. You’re asleep, and if he knows himself at all, he’ll be following you in no time. Any time you’re tired after a long day, you curl into him like this, and he’s come to relish in these moments.

His eyes flutter shut, his own exhaustion peeking through. Absent-mindedly, he presses his lips to the top of your head.

“Ew,” Jaemin groans, giving Chenle a disgusted look. “They make rooms for whatever’s going on there.”

Chenle glares at him once, and he purses his lips and turns his attention back to the game.

“Seriously, if you want to go to bed, we’ll wait for the others,” Jeno offers. “We are capable of opening a door.”

Chenle contemplates it for a moment. He knows he should be the one to greet everyone, but the gentle snores escaping you makes him want to cuddle you properly. It wouldn’t be the first time one of you “snuck in” to the other side of the house and stayed with one another. At the end of the day, he couldn’t get enough of you. Your skin is soft beneath his fingertips, and despite everyone knowing how desperately he wants you except for you, he likes to act like it’s a secret.

“Alright,” he mumbles, shifting under you to see if he’ll be able to find a way to hold onto you. “Make sure to lock it when they arrive.”

Jeno and Jaemin don’t say anything else when he lifts you up and walks you down the hall toward his bedroom. He lays you on his bed first, pulling the blankets back to settle you beneath them.

You’re so peaceful like this—face soft, the slightest smile on your lips. He finds himself dragging his thumb along your cheek just to be able to touch you. You’re perfect to him. 

He climbs in next to you, wrapping his arm around your waist and tugging you against his chest. You hum quietly, subconsciously turning to him and bury your head in his chest. He grins to himself at the feeling, at the idea of you being so accustomed to him that you’ll want him even in your sleep.

Kissing the top of your head, he lets out a sigh of content before resting back against his pillow.

Day 2 | June 2nd

The morning together was just like any other—you stayed cuddled up until eight came along and the others were whining down the hall about being hungry. Chenle wouldn’t ever admit it to anyone verbally, but the reason he likes these vacations so much is because of the privacy he gets with you.

Yeah, all of your friends are there, but they’re used to the level of clinginess Chenle has with you. His family, on the other hand? If they knew he woke up at 6:30 am and stayed with you wrapped up in his arms for an hour and a half…

“We should go help before they burn down the kitchen,” you murmur, sighing quietly.

“The longer I can stay in bed, the better.” He squeezes you tighter. “Five more minutes.”

You nod in agreement, shuffling closer. His hand rubs up and down your back, gently dragging his nails to help soothe you further. How you’re unaware of his feelings for you is beyond him—he’s always treated you this way. Like you’re the most important person in his life.

Because…news flash, you are.

Eventually, the two of you have to get up. Mark and Heewon are in the kitchen, and you immediately deduct that that’s a mistake. Chenle quickly shoos them from the kitchen, taking over the role of breakfast chef with your help.

While the two of you cook together, he never has to verbally ask you things. You’re in such harmony, it’s like you know every single move he’s going to make before he does.

“So,” Jaemin says, sitting down on one of the stools behind the island. “The girls said they want to go to the bar tonight. You guys down?”

“Tonight?” Your eyebrows pinch, and your lips turn downward. “It’s only day two.”

“Yeah, we’re trying to maximize our fun time,” Jeno interjects, taking a seat next to Jaemin. “We’ve only got thirty days before we return to the real world.”

“Sorry, you’ll have to count me out.” You scrunch up your nose. “But I’ll start doing things tomorrow. I just need to recharge a little more before I go out anywhere.”

Jaemin turns his attention to Chenle, either wanting him to convince you to go, or to see if Chenle will also be staying in.

“Sorry, Jaem.” Chenle shrugs. “I’m not leaving her here by herself.”

You appreciatively poke his side, something the other two boys don’t see, but it makes his heart flutter nonetheless.

“You two are only forgiven because of the breakfast you’re making. We expect hangover breakfasts tomorrow, too.” Jaemin crosses his arms over his chest and pouts.

“We’ll see.” Chenle continues chopping the onion, sending a quick smile your way when you finish washing the green peppers and putting them down in front of him.

He figured he’d be used to you by now—to the feelings he’s harbored for so long. But every time you prove, once again, that you know him just as well as you know yourself, it makes him want you so much more.

Chenle ended up making dinner, too, which was simply microwaving ramen for each person until everyone was content. Mark, Hyuck, Jaem, Jeno, Heewon, and Chaeyoung were all leaving by six, swearing they wouldn’t be home too late.

“Make them order pizza or something,” you suggest to him as you dry the dishes he washes. “They’re grown adults with money.”

“I kinda like this,” he admits.

“Cooking for the same friends you’ve been cooking for since 7th grade?” You quirk an eyebrow at him, and he snorts.

“Cooking for people in general,” he corrects. “And I like that you’re here to help me. Or just here at all.”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I didn’t mean it like that. Let me appreciate your company, asshole.” He finishes up the last dish and turns the water off before handing it to you.

You hum in response, quickly drying it before setting it in the cupboard where it goes. Turning toward him, you lean the small of your back on the counter while your hands grip the edge. Your gaze scans over him, and he swears he feels his spine twist in the most delicate of ways. He loves when you look at him, and whenever you study him, he wonders what kind of lessons he teaches you.

“Thanks for staying back with me,” you say.

“Of course.” He waves you off. “I didn’t want to go to the bar anyway.”

“So, what do we do?”

Chenle chuckles. “Not a clue. The possibilities are endless, I guess.”

“Do you still have that karaoke machine?” You narrow your eyes at him as you await his response.

“Is that even a question? Hell yeah, I do. We can get it set up?”

The smile spreading across your face makes his heart skip, and despite how much he wants to reach out for your hand to pull you down the hall, all he does is gesture to the direction you need to go in.

You clap your hands, quickly following his lead.

This room used to be an office of sorts, but has since evolved now that Chenle’s parents don’t come here anymore. The desk has been pushed against the wall next to the TV, and a large couch takes up the majority of the room. A long time ago, he thought it’d be funny to buy a karaoke machine after he’d realized how much he likes to sing, and it just so happened that you felt the same way.

Every time the two of you come here, it’s a must. However, he hasn’t had the opportunity to have it be just you. Someone else was always intruding on his time, at least for the past few years.

Part of the reason he fell for you in the first place was because of how similar you were to him. You shared similar interests and passions that he didn’t usually find in other people. That, or he wasn’t looking once he realized how much he wanted you.

He loves music, and in every piece he hears, he finds you.

You deeply relate to the music you enjoy, and he admires that about you as well. You pick the songs for the evening, and he has no qualms. He’d rather listen to your picks on repeat than try and go off on his own.

The night starts off easy, some of the songs you pick are classics that you make him do every time. After three songs, you picked Cruel Summer. He knows all the lyrics by now—he memorizes everything that comes out of your pretty lips, regardless of if it’s a song or not. He’ll never forget those lyrics for as long as he lives.

Your laugh is so damn contagious. He tries his best to pull that sound from you every chance he gets, but the air around you is…bittersweet. These moments are his favorite—where he gets to have fun with you and forget the rest of the world exists. But they also make him want you more, and everything you could give him. He wants to be yours, and nights like these prove to him that you’re not.

Three songs in, and you’re both panting and laughing your asses off. Karaoke is never just singing—no, you dance until your legs feel like they’ll give out. That’s Chenle’s number one rule, that it’s never enough to sing the songs. You’ve got to perform them.

But Cruel Summer starts, and he can’t help but see the irony of you singing it in his presence. Or him joining you in it.

Fever dream high in the quiet of the night

You know that I caught it

He sings along, but he quiets himself. Listening to you has become one of his favorite pastimes, so he’ll take any opportunity he can. He dances with you, spins you around, and begs any sort of higher power that he can have you like this forever.

And it's new, the shape of your body

It's blue, the feeling I've got

And it's ooh, whoa, oh

It's a cruel summer

It's cool, that's what I tell 'em

No rules in breakable heaven

A gold gleam catches in the dim lighting when he twirls you in a circle, and he grins. He loves when you wear that bracelet—which is all the time, because he’s got one nearly identical, but yours has his name on it and his has yours.

The chorus makes him move around the room, hyping you up at every chance he has. You laugh through the lyrics, out of breath from the previous songs, too.

So cut the headlights, summer's a knife

I'm always waiting for you just to cut to the bone

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

And if I bleed, you'll be the last to know

God, he fucking loves you.

The room fades around him while he’s having fun with you, and he wishes he could spend every moment this way. With the excited glow to you, the carefree laughter, the genuine fun.

I'm drunk in the back of the car

And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar (oh)

Said, "I'm fine," but it wasn't true

I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you

And I snuck in through the garden gate

Every night that summer just to seal my fate (oh)

As the lyrics pick up, he joins in for real. This part of the song is his favorite, because the next lyrics are exactly what he wants to say to you but can’t work up the courage to do it.

And I screamed for whatever it's worth

"I love you," ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

He imagines hearing those words from you, too full of emotion to keep them in any longer. You yell the lyrics between laughter, throwing your head back and dancing as if you’ve been drinking. He watches you so fondly, he’s sure you’ll notice. 

The chorus comes back, and you walk up to him like you’re serenading him, making dramatic hand motions while he laughs at you. His whole body buzzes when you’re like this. When everything else fades away and it’s just the two of you.

I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you

And I snuck in through the garden gate

Every night that summer just to seal my fate (oh)

Something changes. He doesn’t notice at first, but your expression changes. The song is about to end, and his heart lurches violently in his chest.

And I screamed for whatever it's worth

"I love you," ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

He looks at you as the last lyrics pour from your mouth, the wide smile on your face dissipating when you see how close he is to you. Instead of yelling them like you did last time, the words trail off, barely leaving your mouth as a whisper. His chest heaves from the energy expended, yours mirroring his. He feels like he’s on cloud nine, the adrenaline sitting on top of his lungs as his brain malfunctions on what to do next.

Honestly, he doesn’t know who does it. Someone leans forward, and your lips are locked. Passion lingers, desperation tugging at his very soul at the feeling of your arms around him. His heart pounds in his ears, almost blocking out how Cruel Summer’s instrumental repeats in the background.

He clenches his fists in the fabric of your shirt, praying, hoping this isn’t one of his bullshit dreams. Without any idea how it happened, he relishes in the softness of your mouth, the way you accept his tongue so easily, and the soft moan you let out when he tugs on your bottom lip gently.

He pants harder now, forehead against yours as he tries to figure out what the hell he should do. You should stop. All of this is a mistake—he didn’t want his first time with you to be like this, where his want makes his pants tighter in record time. The only logical thought in his brain is that damn sound you just made and how he can drag it from you again and again.

Thunder booms in his veins as he pulls you back to him, the second he was without your kiss much too long. You press yourself to him, digging your nails into his shoulders. It’s almost like he has no control over his actions at the moment, the long-standing need for you clouding his judgment.

The pretty, pretty sound you make when he spins you around and practically slams the small of your back against the edge of his desk has him forgetting everything else exists. It’s only you. You and how fucking badly he wants you.

He doesn’t dare speak a word.

Inhaling sharply, he sweeps his arm across all the miscellaneous junk on top of it, successfully and messily clearing a spot for you to sit. You take the hint, hoisting yourself up on the edge and spreading your legs to give him room.

Heat pulses through the room, sending waves through his body. He wants to peel all of his clothes off, have you naked beneath him, and take you in all the ways he’s dreamed off. The glimpse of your black panties below that damn skirt has him more than ready for you.

You tug him closer, interrupting the way he stares at your core. His cock already strains, begging to be buried inside you. He’s not sure where the hell this side of him came from, but the dark gleam in your eyes has him forgetting there’s anything wrong with it.

Sweat already arises on his skin, the mere thought of having you this way enough to send him into a fucking cardiac arrest. There’s no time to be timid—he reaches beneath your skirt to find the hem of your panties, mouths still clashing beautifully.

Without interrupting the kiss, you nod, lifting your hips up so he can rip the skimpy fabric from your body.

Your hands fly down to his pants, and his heart starts doing backflips. Neither of you has said a word, and he thinks for a moment that he should…just to make sure he’s what you want. But at the same time, he figures you know as much as he does how this is a long time coming.

“Do you—”

“I need you right fucking now,” you murmur, shaky fingers fumbling with the button of his jeans. “Fuck, help me.”

His mouth waters. He wishes he could take his time with you, but having you squirming and asking for him to be inside you makes him crazy. Without wasting another second, he reaches down and pushes his pants down to the middle of his thighs. He gasps when you grab him over his boxers, gripping him like you’ve done this exact thing with him hundreds of times.

God, he can’t fucking take it anymore. Pushing your back down against the desk, he flips your skirt up to expose your slick entrance to him. One of his hands grips your hip and digs his nails into your skin, and the other pushes his boxers down.

He debates with himself for a second on how he should do this. The last thing he wants to do is hurt you, but he’ll really fucking explode if he’s not inside you within the next ten seconds. He plans on being good, on giving you a second to adjust to him, but when he gently starts pushing inside you, your wetness gushes around him.

Your walls stretch to accommodate him, and your back arches on the wood, and your mouth falls open, and suddenly he can’t control himself. If he gives himself a few seconds to enjoy you while he’s buried so deep, he’ll never be able to let you go. He’ll need to be inside all the time, and that doesn’t sound much like best friends.

Your moans spill recklessly past your lips, the jolt of his thrusts distorting the sound. Fuck, he loves you, but he never imagined sex could feel this good. You flutter around him, urging his cock to move faster, and he does his best to oblige. The desk slams into the wall over and over again, the sound almost as erotic as the sight before him.

You try and fail to find something to hold onto, and when he sees your friendship bracelet—the one with his fucking name on it—he loses it. He puts his hand beneath your neck, pulling you up so you’re face to face. Your face is blissed out, eyes barely staying open as he gives you everything he’s got.

His skin is sticky with sweat, the clothes uncomfortably clinging to his back, he reaches between the two of you, growing frustrated that he left your skirt on. He throbs inside you, desperate to reach his end, so gives the fabric a firm tug, and you gape when it rips at the seam. He half-expects you to scold him for ruining a perfectly good outfit, but instead, your hips buck toward his. 

A tingling sensation forms at the base of his length, and he knows it’s only a matter of seconds before he reaches completion. Without wasting another second, his hand dives between your legs, your arousal making his thumb glide effortlessly across your clit.

Your body shakes, and you lean forward to bury your head in his neck, biting down on his shoulder to contain yourself. He can’t hold back his moans, moving just a bit faster and adjusting his angle to increase your pleasure.

“Fuck, Ch—”

He tangles his fingers in your hair and tugs you back to watch your face.

“Fu—Close,” you whine, lifting your hips to match his thrusts. “I’m cu—”

You cut yourself off with a scream of pleasure, and he swears your walls clamp down on him so tightly, his cock will get stuck. His thrusts falter at the overwhelming feeling of your euphoria, and as soon as it hits you, he’s spurting inside you.

He kisses up the side of your neck, barely breathing properly as he regains his composure. His orgasm wracks his body, pulsing throughout his veins and his bones.

You grasp onto him for dear life, and he returns your embrace. His chest is against yours, both hearts pounding.

And then reality sets in. The music returns to his ears, the beat to Cruel Summer still on a loop, and he wonders how closely you relate to the lyrics.

“Um,” you say breathlessly. “Wow.”

“That…”

“Happened.” You nod, a dazed look on your face as you blink past the shock.

He gulps, wishing that best friend telepathy was real at a time like this. How does he respond to that? Did you enjoy it? Are you already regretting it?

“Chenle,” you murmur.

“Yeah?”

“You’re still…inside me.”

His face burns, and he quickly pulls out of you, trying not to look at the mess he knows is between your legs. He turns away from you to settle himself back in his pants, and he finds your panties on the ground where he threw them.

He gives them to you, and you awkwardly shuffle off the desk before sliding the fabric back up your legs. But he doesn’t want you to…walk away. He wants to take you back to his bed and cuddle you to sleep. To take care of you like he should after such an intimate moment.

Surely, he can’t kiss you, can he?

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“Seriously?” You frown at him. “That’s what you want to ask me right now?”

“I don’t really know how to—”

The front door opens, just down the hall as your drunk group of friends arrives back. Your face drops, and you curse under your breath.

“Damn it.” You frantically look around for something to cover your lower half before you go.

Guilt tears at Chenle’s chest—not just because of the ripped skirt, but because it seems like you’re not very happy with your decision. The last thing he ever wanted was to push you into anything. He grabs a blanket from the couch on the other side of the room and hands it to you.

“Chenle! (Y/N)!” Jaemin’s hammered voice booms across the house. 

“(Y/N), can we just—”

“Not now, Chenle.” You shake your head, wrapping yourself up in the blanket and grabbing the split fabric to hide it.

You loop your fingers in his belt loops to tug him close to you, and his jaw drops as he stumbles over. Instead of doing any of the things he wanted you to, you tuck his shirt into his jeans. He’s about to ask you what you’re doing, but then he feels how soaked it is.

Again, his face is on fire. How the hell is he supposed to do this?

He runs his fingers through your hair to fix the tangles, heart racing. As soon as he takes a step away from you, the door opens. Jaemin pours in without any concern.

“Well,” you say, chuckling. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“(Y/N), wait—” Chenle reaches out to you but decides at the last minute to stop, knowing how much is riding on that damn blanket staying put.

“Goodnight, Chenle.” You glance at him, eyes wide and swirling with something he can’t quite put his finger on.

“It smells weird in here,” Jaemin grumbles as he waddles around the room. “Why?”

“Dunno,” Chenle replies with a grimace. “It’s because you’re drunk. Off to bed with all of us.”

Yep…except he’ll be alone, when all he wants is to be curled up with you.

Day 3 | June 3rd

When Chenle wakes up in the morning, he’s pretty sure everything was a dream. He messes with the bracelet latched on his wrist, gulping at the memory of you. How is he supposed to act normally now?

He has to talk to you. Figure out what the hell you’re thinking, because if you regret it, it might break his heart, but he’ll know how you feel about him. You’ve told each other stories of previous relationships, hook-ups, whatever just came out randomly. He never imagined he’d be one of those hook-ups.

And now his bed is all too empty without you, and it’s only day three. 

Images of the night before flash through his mind, and he analyzes everything he sees to try and figure out what he did wrong. If he did something wrong. You almost always sleep next to him, so if this persists, the others will begin to notice, too.

He gets out of bed, hands shoved into the pockets of his pajama pants as he makes his way to the kitchen. Everyone else is awake, the guys and Heewon sitting on the couch. You and Chaeyoung were nowhere to be found, but he tried his best to make it nonchalant. He didn’t want everyone to know he messed up with you. That explanation would be hard.

He glances in the kitchen and still doesn’t see you or your closest friend (besides him, obviously), so he sighs and sits on the far end of the couch. The awkwardness creeps in, like the whole group secretly knows what you two did. Like they’re silently judging him for single-handedly ruining your friendship.

“Who shit in your cheerios?” Hyuck asks, shifting forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

“Huh?” Chenle frowns. “Nothing happened. I’m just tired.”

“Oh, (Y/N) said you weren’t feeling well last night. She and Chaeyoung went to town to grab some medicine or something.” Mark stretches before getting up to go into the kitchen. “She seemed worried, are you okay?”

Chenle gulps, and he hopes it’s not noticeable. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.”

Thankfully, they continue their conversation. He can relax for a bit, and then when you come back, he’ll pull you aside. After all, he won’t let this fester. He needs to talk to you—to find out if you view him any differently since he crossed that line with you. The last thing he wants is for anything to change. He likes your friendship the way it is, but he’s also been so desperately in love with you for so long that hope clings to him like a leech.

The door opens, and his head jolts toward it when he hears your laugh. His hands clench into fists, and he’s halfway certain he looks like a lost puppy right now.

The second you see him, he watches your expression change. Your giggle stops halfway through, and you clear your throat as you give him the same wide-eyed look you gave him last night. He wants to jump up and tell you things don’t have to change, maybe even beg you for your forgiveness and say he’ll do anything to keep you in his life—

You and Chaeyoung disappear into the kitchen, and Mark comes back in shortly after. Chenle’s getting antsy, his anxiety sparking at the bottom of his spine as his foot taps on the floor. If he jolts up and runs after you, everyone will know something is wrong.

And if they all know, it’s only a matter of time before Jaemin opens his big mouth, and then you’ll be forever embarrassed by the idea of sleeping with Chenle, and summer vacations will never be the same.

So he gives you five minutes.

“...need to figure things out.” Chaeyoung’s voice is hushed, standing next to you on the far end of the kitchen.

“Yeah, tell me about it. But I—” You stop the moment you catch Chenle in the room.

“I think Jeno needs me for something,” Chaeyoung mentions, sending a small smile his way before darting out of the room. He sighs. If you told Chaeyoung, you’re probably more freaked out than he thought.

You look down at your feet as he approaches you.

“We need to talk about this,” he mutters. “I don’t like feeling like I fucked up.”

Your gaze darts up to his, your eyebrows furrowed as you scan over his face. “This isn’t really the best place to talk, Le. Any of them could walk in right now.’

“I’m not just—I’m not going to forget about it. It happened, okay? And it’s okay if you’re upset by it and you never want to be near me again, but I…I need to know. The silence is killing me.” He realizes it hasn’t been that long, but sleeping alone really got to him.

“Why would you think I’m upset?” you ask.

“You practically ran away from me last night. And you usually sleep with me, and you didn’t. You didn’t even tell me you were going anywhere this morning.”

“I figured you’d know where I was going.” You cross your arms over your chest, glancing away from him.

“How could I possibly have known?” he inquires.

“Chenle…” You let out a small laugh. “You…you came inside me last night. Chaeyoung took me to buy Plan B.”

His jaw drops as he flounders for words. Cheeks burning, he drops his head into his hands and sighs. “I’m a fucking idiot. I didn’t even realize, I was so—I’m so sorry, I don’t even know why I would ever—”

“Relax.” You put your hands on his shoulders. “I was the one who kissed you. You’re psyching yourself out, because I don’t regret it or anything like that. Actually, I’d…kinda like to do it again.”

Alarm bells ring in his head, and his eyeballs feel like they’re about to pop out of his skull when he looks at you fast enough to give himself whiplash.

“You want to…” he trails off, lowering his voice. “...have sex with me again?”

“I mean, only if you want to.” You chew the inside of your cheek, fidgeting with your fingers. Quickly, you continue, “Obviously, nothing has to change. Like, I’m not asking you for…a relationship or anything. There won’t be any rules. Except the fact that you have to…you know, use a condom, but we could just…have a good summer.”

His heart sinks. What you’re proposing is not what he wants. It further proves to him you don’t reciprocate the feelings that led him to his recklessness last night. He shouldn’t agree. No, he should say he’d prefer to keep anything…sexual…out of your friendship, but God damn it, he was tired of leaving his love on the side. Maybe he can’t tell you out loud, but if you’re okay with sleeping with him, he’ll show you.

“Chenle?” you whisper. “I’m sorry if that’s too much. You can forget I said anything.”

You scramble to gather yourself before you try to turn away from him. He reaches out and grabs your wrist, tugging you back to him.

“I wasn’t expecting that.” He pauses, sighing. “Are you sure, (Y/N)? This could get messy.”

“I know I said no rules, but I’m a little bit of a control freak—”

“You act like this is the first time I’ve met you.” Chenle chuckles.

You glare at him before continuing. “Anyway. Nobody can know. I told Chae, but she had to drive me so she doesn’t count. Plus, she won’t tell the others. So, we act normal around our friends, okay? And we don’t…talk about it. Things happen as they will, and we wait until at least the end of June to figure things out.”

“It sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into this,” he admits, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.

“We don’t have to change. But I did like yesterday, and it’s been so long since someone’s made me—” you cut yourself off, pressing your lips into a line. “You know what I mean.”

“I…Yeah, I do know you’ve been with trash guys—”

You gently smack his chest, glaring at him. “That was not permission for a dig.”

He holds his hands up in mock surrender, his heart melting in his chest when he sees the smile spread on your face. Maybe you don’t have feelings for him, but you don’t hate him—that’ll be enough to get him through this. At least for a while.

“So, we’re good?” You look up at him.

He’s no match for you. Not in any case or situation. His heart belongs to you, and it tears him apart piece by piece to know yours isn’t his.

“Of course, we’re good.” He nods, pulling you in for a hug and sighing in relief. “We can do whatever you want to do.”

“Oh, but that sounds like you don’t want to.” You cringe, but he laughs.

“This is kind of new territory, you know. If I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t have done it the first time.” God, but he wants so much more. He wants all of you, not just momentary flings.

You pull back from him, your gaze gleaming. “And how long have you wanted to do that?”

“I’ll have to get drunk before I tell you the answer to that.” He snorts. “Let’s go back out there before they realize how long we’ve been in here.”

The rest of the day was uneventful to say the least. Chenle was happy to have you back at least in your normal friendship way, so he just enjoyed the way you put your legs over his lap and rested your head on his shoulder.

He didn’t feel awkward around the group like he expected to be, but it wasn’t until later in the night when it really set in. With the two of you in his bedroom, the door closed (and locked).

Watching you closely, he’s dying to reach out and touch you. He’s not sure if it’s normal urges he always felt or if they’re new, from the way he had you just yesterday. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he fidgets with his hands.

“You don’t have to be awkward,” you mention to him as you pull your shirt over your head.

He’s not a stranger to seeing your body. You’ve never been uncomfortable changing with him in the room, and he does the same with you. He almost laughs to himself at the thought of seeing you more naked beforehand than while you had sex. His mind races, and when you reach behind your back for the clasp of your bra, his face heats up and he averts his gaze.

It doesn’t matter what he agreed to—it doesn’t feel right to look at you in a state like this without your permission.

Once you’ve pulled one of his T-shirts over your head, you walk over to him, nestling yourself between his legs. He gulps as he looks up at you. Your finger traces along his jaw, eyes scanning over his face.

“Normal, right?” he whispers, gripping the back of your thighs.

“Totally normal.” You nod.

“But I still can…kiss you? If I feel like it?” His voice almost fails him, his heart lodged in his throat.

“When we’re alone, you can do whatever you want.”

Your words make his heart stop in his chest, and he realizes the implications of this. If he’s fallen completely for you without kissing, sex, and the intimacy of those physical aspects, what will it be like when he gets you whenever he wants?

“I want it, too.” You cup his cheeks and tilt his head up.

“And if it’s just kissing?” he asks. “What if that’s all I want right now?”

“Whatever you want,” you reassure him. “I’m not expecting you to want sex every night, you psycho.”

“C’mere.” He pulls you closer, one of his hands grasping the nape of your neck. The initial brush of your lips against his has his breath shuddering. He’s not prepared for any of this. It hasn’t really sunk in yet, but the way your mouth tastes has every sense in his body heightened.

He curses under his breath when you climb on top of him and straddle his lap. It still feels like he’s taking advantage of you like this—you don’t know his true feelings, so how could he do this to you?

“Chenle.” You sigh and halt your movements. “If this is too weird for you, we don’t have to—”

He shakes his head, hands immediately flying to your ass and pushing you closer to him. His length is beginning to harden, and he moves you to make sure you feel it through his shorts.

“I…want you.” He squeezes, making your hips roll.

“Then what’s going on?” you ask.

“I just need to get used to it,” he replies. “To acknowledge how much I…It just feels kinda like I’m dreaming.”

“Why?”

“You…” His cheeks are so hot, he thinks they’ll burn off. “I never thought you’d want me like this.”

You chuckle, and much to his dismay, climb off his lap and get into bed. “Little do you know, I was thinking the same thing.”

He yearns to reach out to you, to pull you back to him, but instead, he lets out a sigh and takes his spot next to you. The last thing he needs to do is push you. He’d walk on eggshells if he had to, if only it meant he could keep whatever fragile intimacy occurring between you.

He wraps his arm around your waist, taking a deep breath as you turn toward him and bury your head in his chest.

And after you fall asleep, he’s still up through the night, trying to figure out if there’s any chance of this ending in his favor.

Day 5 | June 5th

He wants you.

Everything inside him burns at the thought of your agreement, and he needs to pull you away from your friends and have his way with you. He tells himself over and over again that patience is key, but he can’t stand it.

The last few days were uneventful—well, as uneventful as they could be when it came to his newfound physicality with you. He thinks of kissing you in front of everyone, showing all of them where his head has been since the second night at this damn place.

How is he so needy after three days?

In closed quarters, you kiss him, hug him, grind on him, he’s sure his head is going to explode any moment. The night at the bonfire is coming to a close, but not fast enough.

“(Y/N)!” Mark calls out from the water’s edge. “How much money for you to jump in?”

You let out a loud ha! and shuffle away from Chenle. The air is warm, so he knows you’ll be okay, but he’s also concerned by how much he’s interested in seeing your body soaked with—

Hyuck’s hand smacks Chenle’s chest, causing him to cough and shoot a glare at the other man. “What the hell?”

“Why are you staring like that?” Hyuck asks. “Nervous Mark’s gonna steal your girl?”

“She’s not my girl.” He has to force the words out. After all, he doesn’t really believe them….or want to. “I’m just tired.”

Donghyuck lets out a childish chuckle, putting his beer bottle to his lips and chugging the rest of it. Chenle sips his own drink, returning his grumpy stare to you. You’re laughing uncontrollably as you climb out of the water, soaked from head to toe. Your head falls back as you hit Mark’s arm, barely able to contain yourself from whatever Donghyuck made him miss.

You’re barely lit by the firelight, but Chenle’s never seen someone so beautiful. Fooling your friends won’t be hard—he knows damn well he’s always acted the same way around you that he does now, and he certainly has been this clingy since day one. You give him one of your award-winning grins, and before he can object, you flop yourself down on his lap, cackling evilly as the water soaks through his clothes, too.

“(Y/N), what the hell—” Chenle attempts to push you off, but you push yourself into him further.

“I’m soaked.” You don’t stop giggling, but Chenle hates the way he reacts to those words.

His face flames, and before you understand what happened, he pushes you from his lap so you’re sitting next to him on the chair. You look at him inquisitively, and he ignores you with another quick drink.

Music plays from the speakers. You get up to switch the song since your phone is the one set up. It’s only at that moment he realizes you know exactly what you’re doing. Cruel Summer plays, and every inch of his body catches on fire.

His throat dries, and you look at him over your shoulder.

Despite every muscle in his body craving for him to approach you and pull you back into the house, he gets up to grab another bottle instead. The night is going to drag, and he’s almost guilty for how he’s thinking. He’s supposed to be here and enjoying the summer with his friends, and all he wants is to be alone with you.

Pushing you to the back of his mind, he tries to engage more in conversations with the group. He gets into a somewhat heated discussion with Jaemin about global warming, and when you take your spot next to him, he naturally puts his arm around you as you lean into him.

“Can we go to bed?” you ask him, lips brushing his ear. “I’m tired.”

“We should wait,” he replies, taking in the rest of the group. “Just a bit longer, okay?”

You whine quietly but nod, putting your head on Chenle’s shoulder. He’s itching to drag you to his bedroom, but he wants things to be as normal as possible. The two of you rarely cut the party short, and on top of that, he’d prefer to know where everyone else was before he started touching you.

It’s only another ten minutes before Heewon decides she’s done for the night. Chenle nearly sighs in relief.

Everyone agrees to head in, and you all casually separate with a quick goodnight. As soon as Chenle’s door closes behind him, he sighs and runs his fingers through his hair.

“You okay?” you ask him, turning him to face you. “You’ve been off all day.”

He shakes his head, chewing on his bottom lip as he examines you. “You…you said you wanted this, and I’m kind of confused. If you act the same, how do I know when you…you know.”

Your eyes gleam as you smile at him. The sight alone has his heart doing somersaults, and he suddenly wishes he could take the question back. He’s tired of wondering—he needs to figure out what all of this means.

“You’re so cute, Lele,” you tease him. “How are you supposed to know when I want you? Always. I’ve been waiting for you to initiate because you seemed a little uncomfortable, so I didn’t want to push you.”

“So, all I need to do is tell you when I’m…” He cringes at himself. “This is weird.”

You move closer to him and sling your arms over his shoulders. “Exactly. All you have to say is that you want me, and I’m yours.” Your voice is so soft and sweet, it caresses his ears and flows into his brain, and his senses become overrun by you.

“I do. Right now.” Is all he says before he swallows his nerves and connects his mouth with yours. You gasp against him, startled at the sudden movement, but within seconds, return his gesture.

His hands move to the small of your back and press you as close as possible, his lips working messily against yours. He wastes no more time; walking you backward, he lets you fall back onto the mattress.

Settling himself between your legs, he takes a second to look at you—to study your face and the look in your eyes that’s never really changed. He wonders how long you’ve wanted him for. Your thighs part to welcome him perfectly, sighing when he rolls his hips tentatively.

“This,” he whispers, lips grazing your neck. “This is how it should’ve been the first time.”

His nerves seep away when your body shudders beneath his. Your hair is still slightly damp, clinging to your skin and enticing him further. He grinds his hardening length over your core and kisses you gently.

“You have to be quiet,” he continues. “Jaemin and Jeno are right down the hall.”

You nod, tangling your fingers in his hair and pulling him back to you. “I know. I’ll be good, Lele.”

He gapes for a moment, not used to words having such an effect on him. Gulping, he reaches up and runs his thumb along your bottom lip.

“That’s right,” he confirms. “Be a good girl for me and you won’t regret it.”

Your gaze gets a shade darker, and the thought of what awaits him beneath your clothes overwhelms him completely. You grab at his shirt, attempting to pull it off his body. He moves back to remove it, and then you’re arching your back to allow him to do the same to you. Sitting on his knees, he moves his hands up your body until they’re squeezing your breasts through your black lace bra.

“Can I—”

“You don’t have to ask, Chenle.” You cup his cheeks, lifting his head so he sees you. “I trust you.”

He’s uncomfortably hard at this point as he takes your shorts off you. Your panties match your bra, and he swears he’s never been closer to finishing in his pants. Nobody has ever made him weak like you do. They’ve never appealed to him in the same way, a way of adoration and love and all the beautiful things life has to offer.

You sit up to unclasp the material supporting your chest, tossing it across the room. Everything inside Chenle melts. You, in this vulnerable state, staring at him impatiently as he pushes you back against the mattress.

He dips down, taking your nipple in his mouth. A quiet sigh of pleasure escapes your lips, and his hips buck against yours. He grinds against you as if he’s already thrusting in and out, and he groans at the thought of your wetness all over him.

His nails drag up and down your thigh, and as he pulls away from your breast to move to the other, a strand of saliva follows. The sight is far more erotic than he imagined, and he grips your thigh harshly.

“Kiss me,” you ask him. “Please.”

And someone like him could never deny someone like you—he lunges upward to capture your mouth, his tongue battling with yours as he moves his hand to the hem of your panties. He pulls away for a second, glancing at you once for confirmation.

You nod, almost frantically, and he decides it’s okay to let go for tonight. You want him as badly as he wants you, so why should he hold back? He curses under his breath the second he feels your arousal on his fingertips.

At first, he teases you, running his finger up your entrance until he’s brushing your clit. He smirks at the way you squirm beneath him, desperate for his touch. He’s the one you want.

“Ask me nicely,” he hums against your neck. “Be good and tell me you need me.”

“God, Chenle,” you whine, rocking your hips. “Please touch me. I need you so bad.”

His own eyes nearly roll into the back of his head when he pushes two fingers inside of you. You grip him so tightly, he wonders how you took him so well just a few nights before. He’d been an asshole and got right to it instead of working you up.

Your breaths turn into whimpers, and your walls quiver around him. He’s already lost in you, in the way you feel on his fingers and the scrunch of your face as you try to hold back the noises you’re desperate to make. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to fall for you more than he already has, but tonight, he learns that falling in love is not linear, and it doesn’t stop.

Tonight, he finds out that it’s a free fall into the deepest ocean, and the only option is to sink further in the water and let the waves take him.

He swallows your quiet moan, positioning his thumb on your clit as he continues his descent into madness. Your walls begin to tighten, so he instinctively kisses you, using his hand to help you ride out the high that’s sending shivers down your body. You squirm beneath him, sinking your teeth into his bottom lip.

“Where are the condoms?” he asks you.

Still dazed, you blink a couple times. “Uh, I…they’re in the nightstand I think.”

He kisses your cheek, irritated at the coldness when he moves away from you. Sighing in relief once he finds the box, he opens it and tears one away from the rest. He tries to swallow his nerves, but when he sees you resting on your elbows, waiting for him, he halts.

This is you.

The one he’s always been able to be himself around, and what if he’s ruining it by thinking with his dick?

“I know that look.” You lift yourself off the bed and approach him, grabbing the wrapper from him. “We don’t have to do this, you know.”

“I want to,” he says, wetting his lips. “I want you, but I don’t want to lose you.”

You frown, shaking your head and pulling him closer. “It doesn’t matter how this goes, Le. You’ll never lose me. I promise.”

I love you almost slips, but he holds it back. But God, he’s sure he’s never loved you more.

You reach down to push his shorts and boxers down before guiding him back. He sits on the edge of the bed, gripping your hips and refraining from yanking you onto his lap and sliding his cock in.

When you open the condom wrapper, his heart is about to jump out of his chest. And then you’re putting it on him, pushing your panties to the floor, climbing onto his lap to straddle him, and rubbing his tip against your entrance.

It’s like time stops as you sink down on his length. Moonlight flits in through the windows, illuminating your body and your skin and the subtle eye roll. He can’t breathe. Every time he tries, his lungs fail him, as if you’re drowning him with everything you have.

He wraps his arms around you, your chest pressing to his as he slowly, slowly guides you down on him. You both sigh together, trying not to alert your friends down the hall. 

“You’re amazing,” he mutters, dazed. “Feels so fucking good.”

You drop your head onto his shoulder, your uneven breaths fanning across his skin. He rocks his hips, but your tightness almost makes it hard for him to move. This time, he doesn’t want to rush. He wants to enjoy all you have to offer and take his time with you—make love to you, really.

“Hold on, baby,” he whispers, wrapping you in his arms. “Gonna turn us over.”

He does just that, the clench of your walls on his cock enough to make him delirious. After you shift to get comfortable, he intertwines his fingers with yours and pushes your hand deep into the mattress next to your head.

With his chest brushing yours, he moves, taking his time in pulling out only to push back in. Your head falls back against the mattress, your eyes closing. You squeeze his hand as hard as you can, doing your best to lift your hips to match his thrusts.

The room is full of moonlight, soft pleasure, and the sound of him pushing into your dripping entrance.

He whispers praises in your ear, telling you how good you make him feel and how you take him so well. The slickness of sweat makes your bodies stick together, and the room gets hotter and hotter the longer he’s seated deeply inside you.

The first time he had you, he barely had time to process what happened. This time, he’s basking in the moment, giving you gentle kisses over your face as he keeps a steady pace. He wants to stay here like this forever, but he knows better than to let that thought run rampant in his head.

He releases your hand—which ends up in his hair—as he reaches between the two of you and presses his fingers to your clit. You whine a little louder than you should, so Chenle silences you with his mouth. The position is a bit awkward for him, but the buck of your hips makes sure that’s the last thing on his mind.

Your body shudders beneath him, moans spilling into his mouth for him to swallow and keep for his own. He thrusts a little faster, eager to bring you to your edge and experience your pleasure for himself.

You whisper his name like a mantra, euphoria quickly claiming you as you drag your nails down his back. In the midst of that feeling and your walls clamping around him, he bursts into the condom, cursing under his breath. 

Despite his dry throat, he manages to kiss along your neck while attempting to regain his breath.

“That,” he tells you. “Is how it should’ve been.”

“Feel free to do it like that all the time.” Your tired giggle fills his ears.

He squeezes your thigh gently as he pulls out of you, ready to groan at the loss. You lay there with a smile on your face as he disposes of the condom in the adjoining bathroom. When he returns to you, he’s surprised to find you under the blankets on your side.

When he raises an eyebrow at you, you shrug. “You can get dressed if you want. I’m too tired.”

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he climbs into bed next to you and pulls you close to him. Your skin is damp with sweat, but he’s sure his is worse. He kisses the top of your head, and just like so many nights before, he hums songs for you until you fall asleep.

Day 6 | June 6th

In the night, you curled further into him. His eyes are closed, but he’s been up for a while. Fingers trailing up and down your spine, he thinks he’s reached his peak. The summer sun amplified through the window warms his skin, but more importantly, it illuminates you and the softness of your features as you sleep.

The brightness blinds him, but he doesn’t mind. Not when his focal point is you.

He made love to you last night. All of his feelings were delivered to you on a silver platter and, just for a brief moment, he thinks he saw it back from you. Like there’s a part of you—however small—that wanted him the same way.

The sound of a door opening and closing down the hall wakes you, and you wrap your arm around him tighter.

“This is nice,” you murmur, kissing the base of his neck.

“I think so, too.”

“Do we have to get up?” You shake your head as if answering your own question.

He chuckles. “It might look weird if we don’t.”

“I need to shower.” You shift onto your back and run your hands down your face.

He uses the opportunity to move over you and kiss down your neck, finding your pulse quicker than it should be after just waking up. Nipping your skin to stop his smirk, he inhales your scent.

“You could always come with,” you offer, running your fingers through his hair.

“Now, that’ll be obvious.” He chuckles and pulls away from you, removing himself from the blanket as he stretches. When he looks back at you, you’ve already grabbed his T-shirt from the ground and are in the process of putting it on. He gets a brief glimpse of you. Slamming his eyes shut, he assumes nothing good will come of seeing your naked image in his mind over and over again.

The bed dips behind him as you climb over, draping your arms over his neck and kissing his cheek. “You should do it anyway.”

He snorts and pushes you away jokingly. With your signature grin plastered on your face, you make your way into the bathroom and shut the door behind you. Once he hears the water starting, he drags himself over to his bag to get dressed. He decides on a pair of sweatpants and a black T-shirt, and on his way out of the room, Jeno is also heading for the kitchen.

Chenle avoids his eyes as much as possible, wondering if any of his escapade with you last night was audible for him or Jaemin. Chasing the thought out of his head, he goes straight for the water bottles in the fridge.

“Where’s (Y/N)?” Mark asks, eating the watermelon Chaeyoung cut up a couple days back.

“She’s in the shower,” Chenle replies nonchalantly, unscrewing the cap and taking a drink.

“You didn’t want to join her?” Heewon laughs from the side as she butters her toast.

He narrows his eyes in her direction. “And why would I do that?”

“Well, you guys do everything else together,” she replies.

That earns her a cackle from Hyuck, but Chenle shakes his head.

“We don’t do everything else together.”

“Right, you guys are just dating without the benefits of getting off.” Mark pretends to be lost in thought.

Chenle’s heart twists violently in his chest, nearly lurching him forward. He wants everything from you—anything you want to give him, he’d take without hesitation. Heewon scolds Mark quietly and smacks his arm, because apparently that was what was too far.

He half expects Jeno to pipe up and expose exactly how opposite your relationship with Chenle is now, but he stays silent. Hopefully, that means Jaemin and Jeno heard nothing from last night. Your sounds were for Chenle and Chenle only, and a part of him felt glory in that.

The teasing from the friend group never bothered him before, but with this new side of your relationship, he let the words sink in deep.

How exactly was he going to make it out of this unscathed?

Day 8 | June 8th

Both of you knew it was risky, but something about you had him bent way out of shape. The group was doing their yearly ice cream run in less than an hour, and all he cared about at the moment was being inside you.

He put you on the bathroom counter, your body next to falling off it if he wasn’t holding onto you so tightly. Without much warning, he enters you completely with one thrust. His hand covers your mouth, capturing the moan spilling past your lips. Your eyes roll back, and he swears that sight alone is almost enough to get him off.

You murmur his name against his palm, head lolling back.

“Sorry, Sunshine.” He nips your earlobe as he rocks his hips gently to help you adjust to his size. “We’ve gotta be fast.”

“‘M good,” you say, gripping tightly onto his shoulders.

He takes the hint, beginning his movements a bit quicker than he normally would. Even though he hasn’t had a drop of alcohol in days, the world sways around him as if he’s drunk. You’re what’s intoxicating him, and in the moments where you’re connected, he feels like he’s on cloud nine.

One hand rests on the small of your back, and the other stays on your mouth, desperate to finish but needing you to stay quiet. Whenever he thinks of being with you in this way, he tries to fuck you in the ways you deserve—make you feel so good you’re dreaming about it long after you’re done—but both of you are far too desperate right now to consider anything like that.

Your nails leave angry red crescents in his skin, but it only spurs him faster. His hips rutt against yours, his body craving the complete euphoria he’s only ever been able to accomplish with you.

His gaze meets yours, and he finds your eyebrows furrowed. Since he’s got such a firm grip on you, you move one of your hands and slide it down your body, watching him closely as if he’s going to stop you.

As soon as your fingers find your clit, you groan and your walls flutter around his cock. He curses, and his next sharp thrust has you whining.

“I’m so…” you trail off, body nearly falling limp in his grasp.

But just before you reach your high, the bedroom door opens, and there’s approximately two seconds before whoever walks in sees inside the bathroom. The next curse that falls from his lips is for two reasons—one, because all he needed was another minute, and he would’ve reached his high. Two, because he now has to figure out a way to make this look like anything except what it is.

He pulls out of you, readjusting your panties and guiding you off the counter before he tucks his painfully hard cock back into his sweats, condom and all.

“(Y/N)’s sick,” he calls out. “Give us a few minutes and we’ll come out okay? She’ll kill me if I let you see her like this.” He moves over to the door and closes it, locking it before whoever it is can see the mess you’ve turned him into.

“Oh, be fucking for real,” Chaeyoung’s voice says. “(Y/N), are you really sick? Or are you two—”

You breathe a sigh of relief when you hear her. Instead of letting Chenle answer, you pull your shirt down to cover yourself before cracking the door open.

“I’m okay. We’ll be out in like, two seconds.”

“You horny bitch.” Chaeyoung purses her lips. “Can’t stay off his dick for five minutes.”

Chenle feels his insides churning at that comment. For a moment, he’s sure she’s being serious, but then both of you burst into laughter, and Chenle’s blood cools.

“We would’ve been out already if you hadn’t interrupted us.” You pinch your fingers together. “I was this close.”

“Are you at least using condoms?” she asks in a hushed voice, turning the tips of Chenle’s ears bright pink.

“Yes, mom, now if you could go, I need to put some actual clothes on.” You shoo her away.

“The guys want ice cream. No dick until later,” she tells you, laughing as she walks out of the room.

You let out a sigh and close the door again, biting down on your bottom lip as you look at Chenle.

“Sorry, we don’t really have TMIs, so she…” You clear your throat.

“No, that’s…that’s good that you have someone to talk to about all of this that’s not me,” he says, walking up to you to put his hands on your hips and tug you close. “You think she’ll be mad if I just…”

He turns you so your back is to his chest, lips latching onto your neck as his touch trails down to the hem of your panties.

“I’d hate to leave you hanging when you were this close.” He tongues along your pulse, skimming below the hem of your panties.

“You’d better make it quick, Lele.” You lean your head back on his shoulder. “She’ll kill us.”

He grins smugly at the invitation, allowing his fingertips to graze lower until he finds your clit. You’re still soaked from being robbed of your high, so your body jerks at the sensation. He grinds against your ass, proving to you how badly he wants to be inside you.

“T-this is going to be embarrassingly fast.” You pant, rocking your hips back and forth. “I need more.” Your hands grip the edge of the countertop, pained whines escaping you.

He moves faster on your clit, and before he’s able to comprehend what’s happening, you squirm and bite down on your hand to stop your noises.

“Look at yourself, baby,” he whispers, his other hand sliding up to your throat to guide your face toward the mirror. “Look at how fucking good you look when I’m touching you.”

You inhale sharply, moving your own hand up to his to press his fingers in around your neck. He rubs you faster, taking his own initiative in squeezing you to control your breathing. Looking up at your reflection, he almost starts drooling at the sight of what he’s doing to you.

Your whines turn into breathless wheezes, and seconds later, you part your lips to let out a silent scream of pleasure as your insides clench around nothing.

He slows his circles to help you come down from your high, showering your shoulder and neck with kisses.

“Alright,” he whispers, retracting his touch from you. “We’d better get going.”

“But you didn’t—”

“You’ll make it up to me later.” He kisses you one last time. “You look so fucking sexy when I’m touching you.”

��Keep talking like that and we’ll never make it out of this bathroom,” you warn him.

You’re doing it on purpose.

Every year, the group goes to the same place for ice cream. Chenle’s been coming here ever since he was a young boy, but it’s been at least 5 years since he started bringing the rest of your friends, too. They have new experimental flavors, and it’s his mission to try all of them.

So, of course, he chooses one, and you choose a different one. The two of you are meant to be acting normally, but the way your lips close around his spoon has his mind spiraling. Not to mention how you make eye contact with him, and that damn gleam in your gaze is enough to make his cock jump in his pants.

How did he ever live without being inside you before?

“Hey, guys.” Chaeyoung tosses her arms over the two of you, grinning widely before lowering her voice. “If you don’t want people to know, you’re doing an awful job. You’re looking at each other like you ingested the worst Harry Potter love potion imaginable.”

The word love throws him off track, and he quickly takes his spoon away from you and side steps to run his fingers through his hair. He has no idea what’s gotten into him. Usually, he’s pretty good about this kind of stuff. And to be honest, before he started messing around with you, he wasn’t nearly as horny as he is now.

No, because now, he feels like he needs to be touching you constantly, and if he’s not, he’s wasting valuable time.

He tries his best to shove those thoughts to the back of his mind. At some point, you’ll have to go back to being just his best friend. It pains him that this can’t be forever, but at the end of the day, he has you. Whether or not it’s completely is a different story.

Everyone takes their usual table outside, and you sit between him and Chaeyoung. The guys converse, the girls laugh over something, but Chenle isn’t joining either conversation. Worry sinks deep in his gut instead. He wonders if it’s okay for him to be as nonchalant about the two of you having sex as he is.

You’re his best friend. Regardless of his feelings toward you, he should’ve done the mature, right thing and declined this offer.

But he’s in too deep now, and all it takes is one wide smile from you to tilt the earth on its axis.

For the next couple hours at this ice cream parlor, things are back to normal. He suppresses his urges the way he always has. His mind lingers on you, especially when your voice and your laugh echoes in his ears, and this time…

This time, he knows what he has to do.

Day 15 | June 15th

“Okay, this is getting ridiculous.” You close his bedroom door behind you and cross your arms over your chest. “What the hell has gotten into you?”

“What are you talking about?” he asks, frowning.

“Don’t play stupid.” Your foot taps anxiously on the ground. “One week, we’re all over each other, and now you’ve barely even touched me since Chaeyoung almost walked in on us. Is that what’s going on? You’re weirded out that she knows things about us?”

“Us.” He scoffs, tugging his fingers through his hair. “What us, (Y/N)?”

You visibly recoil, hurt playing out on your face as Chenle instantly regrets his words. Even then, he’s not going to back down from this.

“You’re starting to piss me off.”

“I…I don’t want sex.” He shrugs.

You wet your lips and narrow your eyes, trying to comprehend what he means by that. “That’s just—like, that’s okay. I don’t want you to feel like you have to have sex with me, Le, but if our friendship is going to survive this, I need you to be honest and open with me.”

“The sex isn’t the problem.”

“Oh.” Your voice waivers, and he immediately wishes he never opened his mouth. A short laugh of disbelief escapes you.

“It’s not you, either,” he quickly adds, grabbing onto your hand. “It’s really not. I…I still need my best friend, though. And it feels like I’m losing that side of you because things are changing. You said nothing would change.”

“I haven’t changed,” you tell him. “Everything I do is exactly what I’ve done last year or the year before that. I’ve been teasing you a little, yeah, but I thought you liked it. Am I an idiot?”

Chenle’s chest deflates. “No. No, you’re not an idiot. I’m an asshole.” He pulls you to his chest and cradles the back of your head. “I’m sorry. I’ve been acting like a little kid. All I want is my best friend, and I’m scared that after all of this is over, I’m gonna lose you. I don’t know how to live without you. You know that.”

“You’d only have to worry about ruining our friendship if the dick was bad.” Despite the thickness of your voice, your humor breaks through.

He snorts and pushes you away, rolling his eyes. “Dude, for real?”

“I’m just being honest.” You tug on his arm, and for a moment, he sees a glimpse of your previous friendship.

Maybe everything can work out.

“As your best friend, I think we should watch that movie with Mark and Chae.” You grab his hand and play with his fingers.

“Okay.” He nods. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

That’s how he ends up curled up with you on the couch, your back pressed to his chest and snuggled up with a blanket. He feels at peace for the first time in a long time, the steadiness of your breathing almost enough to lull him to sleep. The screen plays some sort of superhero movie, but he’s not too interested in it. He’s more interested in the way a small sound tumbles from your lips as you turn toward him.

He holds you close, smiling to himself at the warmth you create. When he glances back up, he meets Chae’s gaze. The woman scans over the two of you, her expression warm. Chenle thinks he imagined it for a moment since he’s so tired, but Chae gives him a thumbs up and turns back to the screen.

Day 16 | June 16th

“Chenle, can I talk to you for a minute?” Chaeyoung asks, leaning on the archway leading into the kitchen.

You went with Heewon and Jaemin to the store, so he had nothing to do otherwise. He nods and follows her into the other room. Grabbing the orange juice from the fridge, he tiredly gives her all of his attention.

“What’s up?”

“I saw the way you looked at her yesterday,” she begins, tapping her fingernails against the carpet. “So either you know how you feel or you’re in denial, but you need to tell her. One or both of you are going to get hurt by the end of this if you’re not honest with each other.”

“I appreciate the advice, Chae, but I’m not sure you have all of the facts.” Chenle crosses his arms over his chest.

“And what am I missing?” she asks.

“Honestly, you may know some things, but you’ll never know all of it,” he replies. “It’ll never be an easy situation to digest, but we’re best friends. We’re mature enough to handle this.”

“You realize if this all falls apart, it’s going to fuck up the rest of the group, too?” She frowns. “You guys aren’t really thinking this through.”

Right when Chenle goes to answer her, the front door opens, and he hears your conversation with Heewon spill through the house.

“Thanks for your concerns.” Chenle nods once before turning around to find you.

Day 17 | June 17th

Chenle throws his head back, hand tangled in your hair as you take his cock in your mouth. He sits on the edge of the bed and you kneel before him, drooling over his length. Your moans vibrate around him. This is the first time you’ve sucked him off, but he’s already found out this is as addicting as everything else.

“That’s it.” He allows his eyes to flutter shut and his eyebrows furrow the closer he gets. “You always take my cock so well, Sunshine.”

You whine, and his hips buck, slamming his tip into the back of your throat. You constrict around him, and his grip on your head tightens. God, he can’t fucking think straight around you. Your nails dig into his thighs, and despite choking around him, you continue bobbing your head up and down.

The base of his length starts to tingle, and he tugs your hair gently. “Gonna cum, baby, you don’t have to—fuck.”

Your response is to simply hollow your cheeks, the lewd sounds around the two of you almost loud enough to make him worry about others hearing it. The suction from your mouth has him approaching his high rapidly, and once you reach up to touch his balls, he cums in white spurts deep in your throat.

Day 18 | June 18th

“Chenle,” you whisper, leaning closer to him.

The summer wind brushes past the two of you sitting on the little porch connected to his bedroom. It’s the middle of the night, and the only thing covering you is a soft blanket. He has his own, but he regrets that. He wants to be wrapped up with you. The waves crash to the shoreline, the salty, ocean scent infiltrating everything around him.

“Yeah?”

“This is my favorite summer,” you tell him.

“Me too.” He squeezes your arm. “I’d stay just like this forever if I could.”

You make him open his arms before shifting yourself onto his lap and covering him with your blanket as you grind your bare body down onto his.

“What’s the likelihood they hear us out here?” you ask, leaning in to kiss along his neck.

“They’ve got a better chance of hearing us inside than this…” he trails off, wondering if he should really allow something like this to happen.

But soon enough, you kiss him for real. And when your lips are working on his, he’s inherently weak for you. It doesn’t take long for his cock to harden, and once it does, you line him up with your entrance.

“We don’t have a condom,” he chokes out, gripping your ass.

“Pull out when you’re about to cum, then,” you tell him. “If that’s okay?”

His hand finds the nape of your neck, pulling your mouth to his to seal his fate with a kiss. He guides you down on his cock, groaning at the feeling of taking you raw. You don’t even give yourself time to adjust, instead working your way through your sensitivity by bouncing on him.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he reminds you. “Look at how well you take my cock.”

He’s learned so much about you during this short time, but he loves knowing what makes you crumble within minutes. His fingers wrap around your throat, and as he puts the perfect amount of pressure, your eyes roll and your hips work faster.

He tightens his grip, and your whine is interrupted. You show him no mercy, lifting and falling with such precision he wants to fill you up with his load.

The blanket is secure on your grip draping off of Chenle’s shoulders, so you nearly fall against him when his fingers connect with your clit. He’s teetering close to the edge, but he knows he has to pull out. No way is he cumming before you.

Your arousal makes him glide against your bud effortlessly, and he squeezes your throat harder at the same time.

“Chenle.” You gasp, pace changing as you get closer to your high. “Please cum inside. Need to feel your cum dripping out of m—fuck.” Your voice breaks as he thrusts up hard, hitting your spot. A broken moan escapes, nearly cut off by his grip on you, and your walls clamp down on his cock.

He watches you as he spurts his load and paints your insides, but all he sees is a blissed out smile and your heaving chest.

You slump against him and hum quietly. He grabs his blanket and wraps it around both of you, not wanting to leave you just yet. The summer breeze sweeps across the back of his neck, chilling the sweaty dampness.

He wants to tell you so badly.

He loves you. He wants to love you forever, but maybe he’ll only get these fleeting moments.

What a cruel, cruel summer this has become.

Day 19 | June 19th

The days pass so quickly. It’s been eighteen days since he first made you his, and all he wants is to make it last forever. The whole group goes to a movie theater, hopping between different rooms and films to catch a glimpse of everything that’s recently hit the big screens.

But he can’t take his eyes off of you.

The way you smile so widely in his direction. How all of your friends are so used to him being all over you.

Your laugh echoes around in his brain, and when the poor employee realizes what you’re doing, they try to stop you to figure out who you are. Chenle’s giggles join yours as he grasps your hand and pulls you toward the exit.

The two of you run, and with your fingers laced in his, you’re somehow separated from your friend group.

Once you’re outside, he presses your back to the brick of the building, kissing you in the midst of laughing. His hand latches onto the fabric of your shirt at the small of your back, and he works his lips on yours like magic.

How is he ever supposed to go back to normal after having you like this?

“Come on,” you tell him, grabbing his wrist and leading him away. “We’ve gotta find them.”

But he knows that no matter where you go, he’ll follow.

Day 20 | June 20th

He lost track of how many times his body has tangled with yours. How many times you’ve quietly, desperately called out his name while he takes you to new worlds you’ve never seen before.

He yearns to be grounded, to plant his feet back on Earth, but how does he do that when the universe that is you infiltrates his very being? All the stars and planets and milky ways and meteors float around in your dazed irises, and he caresses your face.

He loves you. He wants to tell you. He needs you to love him back.

Day 21 | June 21st

“Okay, this one is easy.” Donghyuck holds his hand up to reign in everyone’s excitement. “Never have I ever…kissed someone in the friend group.”

You glance at Chenle once, and he shrugs, so both of you lift your bottles. The point of this game? Get as drunk as possible. Every time someone says something you’ve done, you have to drink. Which means everyone is thoroughly surprised when every single person around the table sips from their cups.

“We’re the worst friend group,” Mark says, nearly hissing at the taste of the liquid burning down his throat. “We said ‘friends’ and turned it into an orgy.”

Heewon glares at him. “Dude.”

“Sorry.” He holds his hands up in mock surrender.

But soon enough, six pairs of eyes are on you and Chenle, and he immediately feels his face burning.

“You two want to explain?” Hyuck asks.

“Is everyone else explaining?” Chenle quirks an eyebrow, watching as Donghyuck purses his lips.

“No explanations unless you ask more questions,” you pipe up.

Chenle hopes that’ll divert the conversation from the two of you. His hand brushes over your knee under the table, and you send him a small smile.

“Fine,” Mark says. “Never have I ever kissed my best friend.”

From the corner of his eye, he sees you grab your bottle, so he doesn’t hesitate to do the same. He takes a fairly large drink, forcing the alcohol down his throat to make this night less painful.

Chaeyoung watches the two of you closely, and the rest of the group seems hyped up on adrenaline, like they’ve caught you and him in a lie of sorts. This news can’t be that shocking to them. Or maybe they’re all pining at the idea of being right.

But they’re not—you’re not in love with Chenle. Meaning, they’d be completely wrong.

Jaemin, who’s already had a bit too much from the hour of this game you’ve already been playing, laughs as he points at Chenle.

“I’ve got one.” He nods slowly, the smirk spreading across his face as he leans on Jeno’s shoulder. “Never have I ever had sex with my best friend.”

Your gasp is only audible to Chenle and Chaeyoung, who sits on the opposite side of you. Both you and Chenle are already holding your glasses, and you look at him, silently asking him if that’s something you should admit to the group.

You’re incredibly stiff, but Chenle watches as you slowly lift your hand. Before you get far, Chaeyoung smacks the back of Jaemin’s head.

“What the hell’s wrong with you?” she hisses. “You can’t ask them things like that!”

Your cup lands back on the table louder than you planned. Chenle analyzes you, the stiffness of your back and the way you glance down at your lap instead of the rest of the group. His instinct makes him want to pull you away from them to somewhere you’ll be more comfortable.

“Oh, come on! They were about to admit to it.” Jaemin lets out a dramatic sigh. “Did you see the hesitation? They were seconds away from finally telling us if they’ve done it.”

Your hand lands on Chenle’s thigh, and he immediately knows what that means. A switch inside of him turns, and anger bubbles in his stomach. You’re his best friend, and it doesn’t matter what anyone else wants to know—the last thing he’ll let happen is any of them attempting to badger you into admitting something you don’t want the rest of the group to know.

“We’re all friends, why does it matter if we know or not?” Jeno agrees. “We’ve all been waiting for them to—”

“Knock it off,” Chenle deadpans, his voice dropping octaves. He leans forward, his arm crossing over you and his other hand gripping his bottle tighter. At the change in tone, everyone looks at him in shock, excitement fading into a nervous energy.

“Lighten up,” Donghyuck says. “They’re just joking—”

“Well, I’m not,” he replies, furrowing his eyebrows. “The hell’s wrong with you guys? You can’t tell when you’re making someone uncomfortable? Neither of us owe you anything, if you didn’t know that. You don’t need to know everything.”

“Okay,” Jaemin mumbles. “Didn’t know it was that big of a deal.”

“That’s because you don’t think, Jaemin. If anything happens between us that we want to share, we’ll share. But until then, mind your fucking business—”

“Lele,” you mutter to him, reaching forward to grasp his wrist in front of you. “Lele, it’s okay. They get it.”

He instantly relaxes at your words, running his tongue over his teeth as he rests back in his seat. You grasp his hand beneath the table and intertwine your fingers with his, rubbing your thumb against his skin.

“Sorry, (Y/N),” Jaemin says, fidgeting with his hands.

You give him an awkward smile and a nod. Chenle senses the atmosphere won’t return to the chaotic laughter it’d recently been filled with, so he wonders what’ll happen if he lets everyone know he’s taking you to bed.

When everyone resumes as much conversation as they can, Chenle leans in close to you to whisper in your ear. “Do you want to go to bed?”

It’s well past midnight, and the alcohol is starting to settle in his system. He is tired. You run your fingers through your hair and nod. He doesn’t say anything to the rest of the group, but you mutter something to Chaeyoung, who gives you a sympathetic smile and a nod.

Although he refrains from physically leading you away, he feels everyone’s eyes on the two of you. It shouldn’t upset him as much as it does. Plus, he wouldn’t mind all that much if they knew, but seeing the way it bothered you suddenly had him on ten. There was no other solution other than to put them all in their place.

Once you’re in the confines of his room, he pulls you into a hug. You melt in his embrace, your body basically limp. He rubs up and down your back, wishing he could take that feeling away from you for good. You deserve the best, and he wants to give it to you.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I don’t know why they’d fucking do that.”

You shake your head. “They’d know eventually, right? We wouldn’t have been able to keep it a secret forever.”

“They should never push something like that. They’re supposed to be our friends, (Y/N). You were uncomfortable.”

“Le,” you say, pulling back to look at him. “As much as I appreciated you standing up for me, all I want right now is my best friend, okay? Just…be that guy, please.”

Both of you change into your pajamas, and then climb into bed. If you wanted him to be your best friend, he could do that. Hell, he’s spent his whole life basically doing it, so as he pulls you to his chest, it’s like muscle memory.

Everywhere Chenle is, you’re right there next to him. Never behind, never ahead, always beside.

“Chenle,” you whisper.

“Yeah, Sunshine?” He strokes your hair, pressing his lips to the top of your head.

“I…Can you be my best friend and still kiss me?” you ask. “I don’t want anything else. Just kissing.”

He lifts your chin so you’re looking at him and gives you the faintest smile. “I can be whatever you want me to be.”

Your eyes swim with all sorts of emotions, and while he’d love to sit there and analyze each one of them, you allow them to flutter shut in anticipation of his kiss.

He can’t recall a time where he’s kissed you so gently, as if you might shatter beneath his touch. Placing his hand on the small of your back, he presses you flush against him while his mouth works so effortlessly on yours.

There’s no heat behind it. The only sounds are of the rustling of his sheets, the soft sighs, and his quiet compliments between breathing breaks. He allows himself to get lost in this, in the way it feels so different from every other kiss he’s shared with you.

Those kisses all lead to sex. They were a bridge to being physical, but now all he wants is to lie in this bed with you forever, connected in such a basic and innocent way.

“You make all of it better,” you murmur, inhaling deeply. “Everything I am is for you, Zhong Chenle.”

“And you’ve built me from the ground up,” he replies. “I was created for you. I don’t know who I am without you.”

“You’ll never have to find out.”

His heart runs rampant, doing all sorts of backflips in his chest. He starts to sweat even though he’s not physically exerting himself, and he desperately feels like he needs to grasp at something. If he doesn’t, he’ll fall…but can he even more than he already has?

Is falling in love something that happens gradually, continually, or is it all at once? Once you’ve fallen in love, can you still progress further into it, or is that feeling at its peak?

He thinks back to the first time he realized he wanted more from you. It’s been over a year since he admitted it to himself, and the person he was during that time never would believe that this is his life now.

“You promise?” Chenle’s nearly breathless, your words robbing him of the oxygen he needs to survive.

You smile ever so softly, nodding slowly. “I’m yours. Always.”

The promise sinks through his skin and into his bloodstream, flowing all the way through his body and infiltrating his brain. It means so much more to him than it means to you, he knows that, but he kisses you again anyway.

He kisses you over and over and over again. By the time the sun comes up in the morning, neither of you have slept, but your lips are swollen and your eyes are drooping.

No matter what, he’ll hold you to your word.

Day 22 | June 22nd

Two coffee cups steam from the table on Chenle’s patio. He sits, slumped, on the padded bench with you next to him, legs thrown over his lap. His thumb rubs your thigh. Exhaustion has yet to kick in, especially as he looks at you. Your hair is mussed, his T-shirt hanging off your shoulder and your shorts hiking up your thighs. Everything about this is domestic, and it makes his heart flutter.

He stayed up all night with you. The sunrise over the water leaves a calming wave cascading over him, and he gets an odd feeling that it’s all going to be okay.

He’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.

You bring the coffee cup up to your lips, sighing at the taste. He made it for you. But not only that, he made it the way you’ve always loved it. You told him once, and he never forgot. Every detail he learns about you is immediately stored in his memory.

“Maybe we should tell them,” you say, running your fingers through his hair. “That way, they’ll leave us alone. And whatever we’re doing would get a little easier.”

“Would it?” he asks.

“What do you mean?”

“None of this is easy.” Chenle gulps, wishing he had the filter necessary to make him bite his tongue right now. “What we’re doing isn’t easy. We don’t even know what it is, so why would we try to explain it to other people?”

“Oh.” You drink more, tired gaze turning to the ocean in the distance.

“It’s not a bad thing. I’m just being honest.”

“Yeah, no, honesty is good,” you agree. “You’re right.”

“(Y/N), I—”

“No.” You hold up your hand. “We said the end of the summer, so I get it. I’d rather wait anyway.”

He wants to grab you by the shoulders and shake you, telling you all the things he loves about you and how badly he wants you to be his forever.

“I’m gonna need six more cups of coffee.” You swing your legs off of him, and leave him sitting by himself, caught up in the warm, summer breeze the same way he’s caught up in you.

Day 25 | June 25th

Going out to the bar was the worst idea ever. The more you drank, the more you wanted to be all over Chenle. He didn’t mind it, but the more he drank, the more he wanted to touch you in ways that would have every saint covering their eyes.

You turn to face him, flashing lights reflecting off your skin as you dance with him. His brain is so clouded, so foggy, but he remembers you kissing him. He groaned into your mouth, pulling you closer and doing his best to maintain a rhythm with you. For a moment, he forgets that all of your friends are here too, but he has high hopes they’ll be too drunk to recall.

You pull away, jaw dropped as you remove his grasp on your and quickly stumble toward the exit. He curses under his breath, knowing he can’t let you go alone in a state like this. The world is tilting around him as he follows you, but he refuses to let you out of his sight. The protective urges come forward.

“(Y/N)!” he calls out to you as the two of you make it outside. “Hey! Stop it.”

“Leave me alone, Chenle.” The thickness of your voice has every last bit of alcohol drying up from his system. He jogs to catch up to you, grabbing your wrist and whirling you around to look at him.

Your eyes are bloodshot, tears falling down your cheeks.

“What’s wrong, Sunshine?” he whispers, tugging you to his chest. “God, are you okay?”

“‘M fine,” you reply, but your body shudders in his grasp.

“Come on.” He scoffs. “I didn’t stop being your best friend just because we’re sleeping together.”

You put your palm on your forehead, cursing under your breath. “I just kissed you in there. In front of everyone.”

“Yeah.” Chenle shrugs. “What’s wrong with that?”

“It was supposed to be simple,” you murmur, tugging on your hair with your fingers. “We were supposed to have fun this summer, and everything’s fucking falling apart—”

He recoils. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“You’re gonna leave me.” Your voice breaks, and his heart right along with it.

“Why would you say something like that?”

“It’s all just—” you cut yourself off, clutching Chenle’s shirt. “Too much. I want you so fucking bad all the time.”

“Me too, baby, you know that.” He cups your cheeks, wiping your tears away. “I’m not going anywhere. No matter what happens, I’ll always be right next to you. Promise, Sunshine.”

His own eyes well at the sight, but he wonders what really brought all of this on. He presses his lips to your forehead, allowing them to linger there a moment too long. Pulling you close, his gaze turns toward the building, where Jaemin and Heewon stand. He gives them the best, watery glare he can, and they quickly shuffle back inside.

It’ll never be him who leaves you. If anyone were going to run away, it will absolutely be you.

And that crushes his heart even further. Beats it to a tiny pulp and straight up purees it until it’s mush.

He takes you home, puts you in bed, and spends half the night out on his patio, leaning on the wooden railing and watching the waves crash into the midnight shore.

The view from here gives him a glimpse of the driveway, and the rest of the group pulls in not even an hour later. He makes eye contact with Jaemin, and while the others head inside, Jaemin approaches him with his hands in his pockets.

“Hey,�� Jaemin says softly. “You got a few minutes?”

Chenle looks inside at your sleeping form and gently closes the door with a sigh. “I’ve got nothing but time.”

“Look, man, we all get it.” Jaemin’s feet thud quietly on the creaky stairs as he makes his way up, stopping and leaning his back against the railing as he analyzes Chenle. “We love you guys. A lot. And something weird has been going on, and it’s not like we don’t notice.”

“A lot of weird has been going on,” Chenle says, chuckling to himself. “You don’t have to sugarcoat it. It’s just us now.”

The other man purses his lips, taking a deep breath of salty air. “You love her, don’t you?”

“I wish it were as simple as that.” He clasps his hands together, wondering how much he should say.

“It can be,” Jaemin replies. “You think she doesn’t love you?”

“I know she doesn’t,” he insists. “You don’t know her like I do.”

His friend nods, as if he’s conceding with what Chenle’s saying. But he knows better—Jaemin is good at these things. Regardless of whatever happened a few nights back, Jaemin is insightful when it comes to relationships despite not having much experience in that department.

“You don’t have to tell me what’s going on, okay? But I know something is. And I notice (Y/N) talking to Chae a lot, but you never talk to anyone about serious things except for her. It’s okay to be confused and to want to talk about things.”

“She didn’t want anyone to know.” Chenle lets out a defeated sigh, allowing his head to hang between his shoulders.

“To know what?”

“We…” Chenle considers biting his tongue. At the end of the day, he knows he can trust Jaemin, and that he’d never do anything to betray Chenle’s trust, but the words leaving his mouth feel like a betrayal to you. “We’ve been hooking up, I guess.”

“Oh, like…more than once.” Jaemin blinks his shock away.

“Yeah. Like, the whole summer so far.” He runs his hands down his face. “We’d never done anything before, and I honestly didn’t think it would be a possibility. And then we did. And it was fast and not at all what I wanted it to be and just—sorry, Jaem.”

“No, no.” He gestures for him to continue. “Let it out. It’s good for you to process these things.”

“I thought I really fucked up by doing that, you know? She didn’t stay in my room with me that night, she didn’t even talk to me until the next day. Which maybe doesn’t seem bad, but it is for us. But then she said she wanted to do it again, and I…well, I obviously didn’t say no. Maybe I should have.” He picks at his nails, fighting hard with the lump lodged in his throat.

“Honestly, I’m having trouble figuring out why you won’t tell her how you feel.”

“If I tell her and lose her because of it, I genuinely don’t know how I’d live without her. She’s been in my life forever, Jaem. It’s not her fault I can’t keep myself in check,” he says.

“If she doesn’t realize you’re in love with her, she’s really fucking dense.” Jaemin chuckles to himself. “And you’re equally as dense for thinking that she doesn’t love you.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Yes, it is.”

“How?”

“Chenle, you’ve spent every day with her this summer. And I’m not going to pretend to know your business, but I’m sure all the alone time you’ve had hasn’t been innocent. Nobody in their right mind starts sleeping with their best friend without at least a little bit of a worry that they’ll fall in love. Come on, you two are practically dating already anyway.”

“It’s hard, okay?” Chenle brushes the other man off. “We said we’d talk about it at the end of the summer, so I’m gonna save my heart for a few more days.”

“It’s okay to be selfish sometimes.” Jaemin taps the railing once more before he starts his descent down the stairs. “You won’t get what you want if you’re sitting around and watching it pass you by.”

Day 26 | June 26th

He told himself he would hold off on any more physical stuff before he was able to talk to you about what happened last night, but that was…apparently…short lived. Your chest presses against his, both of you on your sides as he gently massages your ass. You made it a point this morning to grind back against him until he was hard and aching. He’s not entirely sure how he’s avoided exactly this for so long.

He pulls your leg up on his waist, stretching you as he rubs his cock against your folds. You moan into his mouth as your slickness coats him, signaling to him that you’re more than ready to take everything he has to offer.

After a few moments of shifting, his tip enters you. Your nails dig into his shoulders as he thrusts the head of his cock in and out. Chills already break out along his body, his palms sweaty as he teases you.

“Please,” you whimper. “I need more.”

“Greedy girl,” he scolds you, slowly pushing all the way in. “Pretty baby just wants to be full, huh?”

“Only you,” you mumble, nearly incoherently as you try to rock your hips. “Only greedy for you.”

Under normal circumstances, he’d care about the sound of the bed squeaking, or the way the headboard taps the wall with each of his thrusts, but all he’s thinking about is fucking good this position allows him to feel you.

After fucking you raw, the condom almost hinders the feeling of you clenching around him, but he tries to focus on giving you as much pleasure as he can.

“C’mon, tell me what you want.” Chenle bucks his hips hard, making you whine.

“Touch me. Wanna cum.” Your head lolls forward, forehead smacking into his chest.

“Touch you where, baby?” He pushes you further. “You’re already soaking my cock, what else could you need?”

“Lele, please—”

“I’ll stop,” he warns you. “Neither of us will finish if you don’t use your words.”

Dazed, you let out a frustrated moan, and he smirks at you.

“M-my clit,” you whisper. “Please touch me there.”

Your arousal squelches around him with each of his thrusts, and you squirm as you yearn for your orgasm that’s just out of reach. He considers teasing you more, but you look so fucking good like this, walls pulsing and begging for release, he can’t deny you.

His hand snakes down your body, and he kisses your jawline. “Don’t cum ‘til I say you can, okay? I’d hate to punish you when you’ve done so well so far.”

“If y—fuck.” You cut yourself off when his finger comes in contact with your swollen, aching bud, and your nails scratch down his back. He knows you won’t be able to hold back if he touches you in the right way.

“You gotta wait for me, baby, I’m almost there.” He thrusts harder, the creak of the bed becoming more prominent as he continues barely rubbing your clit.

“Lele.” You clench your eyes shut. “I c-can’t, oh my God.”

“But you’re so good.” He slams his hips against yours. “So fucking good, just a little longer.”

Your entire body shakes. He didn’t think he’d ever find something like this so arousing, but when you look at him and your eyes are welled with tears from your need, he curses, thrusts one more time, and cums hard into the condom when he’s buried deep inside you.

He can’t remember the last time he came this much, and he wishes he didn’t have this stupid fucking piece of rubber on. The idea of painting your insides white has him thrusting through his overstimulation to bring you to your peak.

He applies more pressure to your clit, pinching it, rubbing it until you bite down on his shoulder hard as your walls and body convulse in his grasp. Cursing at the jolt of pain he feels, he moans when he realizes how it adds to his pleasure.

“Holy shit,” he whispers as you let go of him.

“Asshole.” You laugh, attempting to catch your breath.

“I don’t know,” he mumbles, scratching up and down your back. “It felt like you liked it.”

“Yeah, I hope that bite mark scars permanently.”

“Laying claim on me, are you?”

Oh, how he wishes you would.

Day 28 | June 28th

Today is arguably Chenle’s favorite day of the summer. Ironic, since it’s the second to last full day he has with all of his friends, but the tradition set is what makes him think this way.

A bonfire crackles in front of him, his arm over your shoulder as everyone stands around the climbing orange flame. The goal is each person writes all of their regrets down from the past year, and what they hope to accomplish over the next, and then they burn it. It’s an odd positivity ritual that none of them have ever skipped.

Chenle wrote his down the night before after you fell asleep.

Regrets:

I regret not telling (Y/N) I love her. Again.

I regret not seizing every opportunity that presents itself to me.

I regret wasting my life away while everything I’ve ever wanted is right in front of my eyes.

I regret shutting down and allowing my friends to help me.

I regret not advancing in my chosen career path.

Hopes:

I hope I will be able to express myself thoroughly.

I hope I will be able to tell (Y/N) my feelings.

I hope those feelings will be reciprocated.

I hope, above all, that she’s happy.

He glances around, taking a look at everyone around him. Jaemin, Jeno, Heewon, Donghyuck, Mark, Chaeyoung, and even you. Each person has had such a fundamental hand in the making of the person he is today, and a lot of times, he takes that for granted.

“Okay, who wants to go first?” Mark asks.

“I will,” you say, stepping up.

Chenle watches you with adoration, wishing he could move forward with you, but knowing there are some times where you have to shine on your own.

“Another year.” You clear your throat. “All of you mean the world to me. You helped me when I was twelve and in desperate need of a confidence boost, and you help me now at twenty-three when sometimes all I need is a drink and a cookie.”

A chorus of laughter falls from everyone.

“Mark, thank you for all of the midday pep-talks and reality checks. Jeno, thank you for being the comedic relief right when I always need it. Jaemin, thank you for always knowing what to say, no matter the situation. Chae, thank you for saving me from myself more times than I can count. Hyuck, thank you for knowing exactly when I want ice cream and a rant session. Heewon, thank you for never judging me despite my shit decisions.”

You turn back to Chenle, the gleam in your eye reflecting the billions of stars from the sky above.

“Chenle, thank you for never underestimating me and for knowing me better than I know myself. For all of the years we’ve had, and all the ones we will have.”

“You’ve got all of mine,” Chenle says to you.

With a final grin, you take your folded up piece of paper out of your pocket and toss it into the fire, and everyone watches as it burns to ash. Once you’re satisfied, you move back to Chenle and hug him tightly.

He deflates in your grasp, cradling the back of your head and relishing in the weight of your words.

Mark goes next, then Hyuck, Chae, Heewon, Jaemin, and Jeno, leaving Chenle to be the last one. He purses his lips, twirling his own note in his fingers as he glances over his shoulder at you.

It takes him a while to think of what he wants to say despite the fact he’s been looking forward to this since the vacation started. He takes a deep breath, inhaling the smokiness of the air mixed with ocean salt, and really, truly thinks of how he’s made it as far as he has.

“Well, guys, another year down.” He shakes his head as he thinks of how fast time passes. “Life wouldn’t be the same without you guys. We get busy throughout the year, but I’m really happy we get to spend this time here and that we’re able to be together this entire month. Everyone has their unique roles in this friend group, and it’d be incredibly off if any one of us weren’t here. So, my thank you is for all of you, for being there for me and making this little bunch into a family. ‘Cause that’s what you guys are. You’re my family.”

He glances back at you much like you had done to him, and he’s met with your dazzling smile. His nerves calm at the sight, and he chews the inside of his cheek as he tosses his paper into the flame.

It’s like he physically feels the hurt, regret, and carelessness from the past year lift off his shoulders, intertwine with the smoke, and disappear. He feels lighter, like he can take on the world. And in this moment, when he sees you staring at him with such adoration, he knows that now is the moment.

No time will ever be the right time, and he’ll never have courage if he doesn’t push himself.

He walks back to you, hands in his pockets. “(Y/N), can I talk to you over there for a minute?”

You nod, and as he guides you a safe distance away, he meets Jaemin’s gaze. The grin of approval is all he needs, and the other man makes sure the friend group is paying attention to him instead of you and Chenle.

“What’s up?” you ask, tilting your head. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, I’m alright.” He pauses and reaches over to grab your hand. “I just…One of my regrets last year was not having courage, and not being able to ask for the things I want because I wasn’t…ready for them, I guess.”

You nod, urging him to continue.

“You’re my best friend. All of this stuff we’ve been through this summer, I need you to know that’ll never change no matter what. If I didn’t have you in my life, I think I’d be screwed.” He chuckles, the nerves gnawing away at his throat and making his voice shake. “This has been the best month of my life, honestly, but I shouldn’t have gone into something like this without being completely transparent.”

To that, you frown, but wait for him to continue.

He takes a moment to work up the strength to tell you, his thumb rubbing over your knuckles. His hands shake, and he feels faint, but he knows it’s now or never. He can’t let you leave this place for another year without knowing the truth.

“I…I’m in love with you. And I have been for so long, but I didn’t want to ruin this. When all of this started, I wanted to tell you no because I thought I’d end up getting hurt because of it all. And maybe I still will, but at least now you’ll know the truth.”

He’s not sure what he expected, but it certainly wasn’t you starting to laugh. His gaze darts back up to yours, and your head is in your hands.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “If that’s not what you wanted, we can still be—”

“Zhong Chenle, you are far too dense for your own good.” You beam at him, reaching up to cup his cheeks and pull him in for a kiss.

He’s in shock at first, but after a second, he’s pulling you as close to him as possible. You swallow his sigh of relief, and when he moves back, he sees the tear streaks down your face.

“Hey, none of that,” he whispers, wiping them away.

“I love you, Chenle,” you tell him. “I’ve wanted to tell you for so fucking long—”

You cut yourself off by connecting your lips to his again, giggles interrupting you every so often.

The rest of the group cheers and yells by the fire, clearly not one of them surprised by this outcome. He leads you back to them, fingers interlocked tightly and a permanent smile etched on his face.

For the rest of the night, he doesn’t let you go. He holds you close, kisses you all over your face, and squeezes you.

He loves you.

He’s in love with you, and you’re not going anywhere.

If this is the cruelest summer he ever has to endure, he’s more than ready for the rest of them.

[slytherinlives]

My Year in Fic 2024

Thank you to @mirdeli for the tag! (love you and your writing <3)

First of all, I can't believe how much I've actually written this year until I sat down and took it all in. When I first started actively writing for the legacy fandom, it was a very different experience. I wrote my first fic as a fun continuation of the main story. I thought about where these characters might go and how their relationships would change in the wake of their choices. Then I hated it, deleted all 30 chapters from the internet and then re-wrote it. Then I started a second story with a new mc and new dynamics, that at the time I was really proud of. But then as I'm sure you all know, there was this person that went around accusing the adults who wrote with more mature themes and aged up characters of being foul things. Including but not limited to leaving cruel comments on art or fics that had anything above a T rating. It got so bad that it discouraged me from writing with mc content completely, which really broke my heart because I loved what I was creating with it.

But even after all of that, I couldn't stop creating stories. A big thing that resonates with me as a person as well as a writer is wanting to tell stories with characters that people already know and love but introduce themes that feel authentic to a human experience. Such as things like sexuality, anger, tense family dynamics etc.

And with that in mind, I started testing the waters with a silly little au for one of my favorite disney films Sleeping Beauty. Only this time featuring a love story without "mc". Then I did another silly au that was centered around one of my favorite superheros, Spiderman. (Both remain unfinished, but I plan to focus back on those this year)

In doing so, I found this corner of the fandom where everyone had been nothing but accepting and encouraging each other with their art and I finally started to feel more comfortable in posting my works again.

So, before I make this entirely too long, let's get into it:

My fics written in 2024: (I've published nearly 30, but I'm only going to share completed fics and the one's I'm proud of.)

Growing Pains Ominis/Sebastian 26k -single father/self discovery-

Tell Myself I Wouldn't Feel Things Ominis/Sebastian 32.3k -enemies to lovers/fake dating-

Open Yourself Up to Me and Surrender Ominis/Sebastian 2.7k -age insecurity/body worship-

I Hold You Close (In progress) Ominis/Sebastian 27.1k -friends with benefits-

Pepper Me Up Ominis/Sebastian 7.8k -sick fic/crack-

The Greatest 'What If' Sebastian/Garreth 7.8k -friends with benefits/prequel spin off of I Hold You Close-

Side Effects (On Hold) Sebastian/Fem!MC 56.3k -Reuniting/Mutual Pining/Friends to Lovers-

Across The Stars Sebastian/Fem!MC 1.6k -one shot collection with the same characters from Side Effects-

I know I'm mostly known for writing Sebinis/Weaslow now, and I love that because the friends I've made and the fun I've had over here I would never trade for anything. But I do hope one day I'll feel the drive again to finish Side Effects. (maybe even my first ever mc fic that's still up but that one more complex) I do love those characters so much and I miss them. Maybe one day.

With that said, I can't wait to share more stories (after completing some active ones first.) Maybe I'll even feel more confident to start posting my backlog for other fandoms.

Anyway, I'd love to see that everyone else has been up to this year! So I'll pass this along to @shyamanuensis , @pr0serpinas, @sunsetplums, and anyone else who wants to participate, consider yourself tagged!

See you all in 2025! <3

[nerdyfan1]

Btw I’ll always argue Pentious is not just a gag character and his arc is probably the best one in season one. In fact not only do I like him more in the actual show then how he is in the pilot but, I think the show makes him in the pilot make more sense.

Idk I noticed some ppl were expecting him to be way more serious. Which doesn’t really fit season 1 at all. Here now we got a more interesting character with a good set up for depth later on along with something that both makes sense with what was established in the pilot (cus yes I actually do think deep down Pentious was always a bit soft and his behavior in the pilot along with towards the beginning before he got used to everyone in the hotel is him reacting to his environment) and fits the general tone. I noticed that a lot of ppl really wanted to seem more depressed or serious while having his softer more goofy side underplayed (or be just be completely dickish which sounds super uninteresting lol) without really trying to understand why he was written this way in the official show to begin with. They clearly wrote him this way to show his progress in the hotel. He doesn’t start sad wet uwu babygirl, go back it’s more of a result of him soften around ppl like Charlie and the rest of the cast. That’s kind of the point. Like idk I wouldn’t have this man be any other way. 💖

Hearing about the interviews and stuff including how they do plan to explore his backstory kind of tells me what I was expecting. Idk we can’t expect all the characters to be dark and serious in the first season we need to have some endearment first. Following this show as episodes reminded me why I usually hate following currently airing stuff cus ppl always assume stuff way too soon. I understand some ppl can have skepticism but, I do think ppl should at least try to trust the writers know what they are doing. The creator been working on this concept for god knows how long.

Besides I’ll always in favorite of a more openly emotionally softer male character in animation that the rest of the cast doesn’t mock specifically for seeming so “sensitive”. Especially in adult animation. I love how the cast realized this is just how Pentious is and don’t mind it. It helps emphasize the arc that Pentious just really needed someone who accepted him for who he was deep down. He able to open up and feel comfortable as himself. Idk I like that it’s a way more interesting direction to take.

Sorry btw for how ranty this is I’m a picky guy and as you can probably tell I’m pretty passionate about this specific character but, also the show as a whole. I try to keep in mind what the actual show is trying to accomplish when it comes to this and it’s so so sooo important to remember what the source material is like. Along with the creator. There are times when the creator insight ends up with a bad end result however I don’t see that here. At least in terms of season 1.

Idk if ppl really get this but, thought I’d throw it out there cus you guys seem to like when I ramble about this man so yeah while trying to figure out my Cherri Bomb theory post out um have unfiltered Pentious thoughts. Cus I never really went into detail why I like him in the actual show anyways. Cus my problems with uwuifed Pentious is more a community thing. Even at that it’s not as bad just sometimes annoying.

Guys I’m a Tobias Wilson fan, trust me I’ve seen far worse fandom butchering of a sad lil guy. Besides Pentious is definitely cute that issue more me being bothered ppl pretend the canon Pentious is exclusively a gag character who is soft and cute. Pentious is probably one of the most misinterpreted character along with Alastor.

[soullessjack]

so i had this tiktok come up on my fyp a few days ago and most of comments of course offered up their own examples of “inspirational autism rep movies that really aren’t any of that,” one of which being ‘the unbreakable boy’ movie trailer — which TLDR seems at first like it’ll be about this 9-or-so-yr old autistic boy w/ a special interest in hats & no verbal filter & you can hear in his tone as he’s narrating that he’s very confident/at ease with himself, but then once it switches over to the family’s POV everybody’s crying & comforting the father like his son has a terminal illness — and anyways the point is that all of these movies, whether they’re focusing on autism or some other disability, have the extremely common theme/trope of their family and caretakers being the main focus while the disabled characters are more or less a personified conflict for them to experience and, in turn, develop from.

and sorry for the long opening but I just had a lightbulb moment about how much i see this exact trope in a lot of baby-jack au’s. like the ones that go, “if jack was a baby dean just Couldn’t be mad at him or mean to him it would totally magically fix Dean to just have a baby bc babies are totally just tools for deeply traumatized adults to cope with.” or ones where the premise is jack de-aging to have a nicer easier life, like we can’t possibly explore his character progression & trauma as we would the other guys. no, his point of view isn’t important at all! or domestic au’s where it’s blatantly obvious that jack is only there to seal the domestic angle of it and make dean and cas and sam and claire and whoever else seem cuter.

the only catch is that jack is, for the most part, not explicitly autistic in most of these au’s (and frankly that itself just depends on whether or not you buy into the headcanon, so i won’t call it full blown erasure lol). but in the rare events that he is…(1) it’s very easily hidden by him just behaving as toddlers do, so the rep feels very low-effort and last-minute, and (2) it’s still not about him. it’s still just about domestic dean and cas and friends and their silly baby antics with a baby who more or less just got the autism label slapped onto his forehead like a Chiquita brand sticker on a banana. maybe he hates loud sounds, maybe he has stim toys or headphones but I promise you the details end there.

you might say “hey, if representation isn’t the intent or goal in what they made, who cares?” and you’d be almost correct, like, by the skin of your teeth correct, bc while that’s a viable possibility, it doesn’t entirely apply here when a good chunk of these fics make a point to tag jack as autistic—as in, that’s a detail they’re specifically integrating into the story and want to be made known to readers, so if the intent there is not to represent autism even in a small capacity, i couldn’t tell you what it was, other than an afterthought.

and that becomes more apparent when, in these fics, jack is almost never a central character with an inner world or perspective given. we don’t see how he experiences being autistic, we see how his family experiences an autistic child, and that’s exactly what the movies I mentioned above do. that’s what Hollywood in general does to disabilities in movies. we don’t get to be people. we don’t get to have agency or a look into our lives that isn’t framed around us instead of on us. we’re conflicts, we’re plot devices, we’re obstacles, we’re burdens, we’re inspiration-porn stars, but we’re never people.

[everythingwasnormalhere]

Headcanons for Butters?

got asked for butters twice so giving him priority >:3

tw: abuse

this is canon: his parents fucking suck

and they progressively get worse as he grows up

at 11-12 starts trying to revel

small things only, like wearing small stuff he likes or hanging out with his friends for longer than what he's allowed to

he slowly changes his style to goth (~13yo)

and the goths adopt him, for a period of a few months in which he becomes real hardcore

but he grows tired of being sad all the time

then his style evolves into something closer to punk? he's not trying to fit into any aesthetic tho, just what's more comfortable/cooler (~14yo)

like, still dark and all but doesn't mind adding extra colors :)

back to his parents, this causes a shit ton of trouble with them

they beat him up and grounded him one day when he returned home at 2am reeking cigarrete (he was hanging out with the goth kids)

(that happened more often but this time his parents were even angrier than usual) (also he was 13 idk if yall got it but anyway)

then they locked him up in his room, as in literally locked him up

he stayed there sobbing for a couple hours but then he got fed up

he climbed out his window and ran to kenny's house

cuz he was panicking and had no idea of who else he could turn to

he told kenny what happened and so kenny let butters stay at his for as long as he wanted

since then butters almost doesn't spend any time at his parents' house

instead he sleeps at a friend's, mostly kenny, stan, and craig

jimmy and kyle would offer too but their parents wouldn't approve and/or would tell the stotchs

at 14 he got his ears pierced by kenny

they looked fucking awesome (slay)

obviously leaving home caused him sm mental issues

he has breakdowns real often, his friends have grown used to help him out with these

he can't stand loud noises for the life of him

has autism (diagnosed), C-PTSD and bipolar-2 (undiagnosed)

his hair is always dyed funky bright colors ✨

his favs are magenta and purple

he even convinced kenny to let him dye highlights on his own :)

he also wears silly little trinkets everywhere

he has big black boots (with huge platforms slay) and they're full of stickers and tiny charms

and he loves wearing fishnets :)

he wears eyeliner all the time! he makes it look so pretty istg

he has the scar from the shuriken incident + is basically blind on that eye, but he doesn't mind it anymore

he has a great relationship with all the boys at school!

besides cartman, butters learnt what he did to him and so now he hates him

he's tryna fix what he did to girls too, his relationship with them is slowly improving

him and heidi rant about cartman's bs to each other quite often

they're sorta besties

butter's best friend is definitely kenny but heidi is the one he's closest to at least out of the girls

at school he's mid at everything

he enjoys more artsy classes because they're more fun tho :)

he likes painting and writing

he's been questioning his gender for a while, currently he goes by all pronouns to try them out (I'm only using he/him here to not make it confusing TwT)

he's pansexual :3

and possibly asexual? or some kid of ace-spec probably

he still goes out as chaos from time to time

kenny, clyde and him are actually the only ones who still go out as their supersonas

he and kenny bond with craig over their shared autism :3

it's a huge spectrum and they're each at one completely different point of it, but they still relate to each other and they like that :D

he does know how to swear, but he doesn't do it

besides on special occassions :)

whenever he swears everyone around him is so shocked

"wHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN CURSE"

butters loves this XD

i think that's it! not counting his parents he's having a great time :)

[freezerbnuuy]

Act 2:14 - Know Thyself (Page 6)

LORE | CHARACTERS | ABOUT / CHAPTERS / WARNINGS

← PREVIOUS | BEGINNING | NEXT →

Violeta

Eli gazes down at the floor. "I know he's almost one hundred and sixty years old, and...also, the other night, something happened. I found him cowering on the floor, and he kept telling me to get away from him because he's a danger to me. My father studies these sorts of things, so I'm not completely unfamiliar, but I don't understand what that was about, or how I can help him next time."

Sweet boy. He doesn't know it, but I appreciate what he does for Oskar.

"I won't go into too much detail, but I may as well fill you in a little on his history. He was thirty-six when he was turned. It was me who turned him, by his own request. He's incredibly curious, and wanted more time to fulfill his goals, none of which he really kept up except for the sculptures. He helped his family with their woodwork, but never did his first commission until much later. He's also been a soldier and teacher."

Eli's eyes widen. "That's quite a colourful history. I can't see him as a solider. He seems too nice to be a soldier. I've seen some of my father's patients that were ex-soldiers...Is that why he may have had that moment, then?"

"It isn't, no. Oddly enough, those years didn't seem to affect him too much. However, that problem has only persisted since I turned him. He often has intrusive thoughts about doing harm to people he cares about. He tries counting to distract himself, but it does more harm than good. What I will tell you, Eli, is if he does that, that's a sign that he'd never in his right mind think about doing harm to you. It's not the sort of thoughts he can control, if that makes sense."

As much as I hated seeing how much his own mind pained him, I realise that it's also what keeps his morals straight. If he didn't have such a problem, would he just feed from whoever? I'd never feel bad about having to drink from an innocent if I had to. 

"Not only that, but...I don't know. I like him, he's great, but I often feel like we're not on the same page. I don't have another way to describe it."

"I think I know what you mean, Eli. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but Oskar's always been eccentric, even before he was a vampire. You might have to be careful with how you word things and try and give a little extra clarity, but from everything you've asked me, you're already doing enough- and I appreciate that."

It wasn't until I met Oskar that I realised how reluctant the world is to make space for those who think differently. From what he told me, his parents would always do what was comfortable for him, not what they wanted him to do, not what anyone else wanted out of him. Luckily, he wanted nothing more than to join them in their profession. I realise that, despite everything, we were both lucky to have parents who were only interested in what was genuinely best for us.

"I know it can be difficult to wrap your head around the mind of someone who's lived for so long, but I think you are both a good fit for apprentice and master. You both want to bring out the best in each other, and you both want to do what's best for each other."

"Thank you, Violeta. I'll try and remember that," he says, with a hopeful smile. "Whatever happens, being here is better than being at home anyway."

"Please do try and remember- and remember, if you need anything, just knock on my door- even if it's just to get something off your chest. I know we don't really know each other, but I owe it to you for what you've done for a good friend."

These warm, fuzzy feelings are still alien to me, but...baby steps. Slowly but surely, I'm starting to realise that the modern world is not the one I grew up in. Progress is being made, as meeting Shepherdess Clementia definitely showed me- and therefore I too ought to progress with the world, no matter how hard it can be to catch up with it.

[noxyfied]

Why the Pyra yumeship

Here is a lot that I like to say, but me talking about my selfship/yumeship is something I do tend to be iffy about because I have felt nervous of doing.

Now that I kinda can, why do I do it, why this character.

Well.

Even if I was to say, there is a lot to unravel with this character, a JRPG character thankfully gives them a long length of depth and situations to like them. And for Pyra from Xenoblade 2, she got a lot of that.

This is not a list of everything I like about her. That would be hard to be put together into one post so it will be scattered here and there into pieces so it is not a giant wall of text; I want my readers to read in a compact format I like to read.

To list down, the Why’s of Pyra come solely on who she is.

Who is she in my eyes? A girl created from grief, a girl who finds meaning in her very empty life she was put responsible to take care the role of someone else, a sad girl who experiences a harsh world, a girl who still smiles in hopes and optimism that she gives or gets.

To not spoil a lot, that is the basics of what I like about her. And they are so relatable I reflect upon those things as somebody who pretty much knows how some of those things feel.

Not all of them because, ya know real life and fiction shenanigans. BUT the things I can relate at least.

As a person who has found their identity as a trans girl I do find more and more how harsh people are not just to me but to other transgender people and other groups who have been oppressed and hated for just wanting to live their lives. Hell, even being half hispanic I have learned that the way I was born as is also difficult because people just think you are born incorrectly. Just fabricated hate that comes from nowhere that helps the communities that have set people backwards from making progress. But anyway, I know dwelling into those hard topics is something hard for me to get into since I am not knowledgeable, but I am knowledgable to wish those harmless trans people and hispanics the best throughout the hard times they may live.

It is things like that I was left thinking when understanding Pyra’s character that have left me feeling comforted by how bold and strong she was during her own story that I was attached to her in a emotional level like no other. People all around me want to see me gone but I still go forward even if I wished to give up since it felt so hopeless.

I found meaning in a lot of people who I have found, and those who I may have even lost. Every now and then I reflect and appreciate where I am even if I have made my own human mistakes here and there that I do wish to do better at and improve.

And with pyra, she has felt like that stepping stone to keep going as hard as things may be.

She and many others give me a reason to keep going, and I have always been grateful for it.

I know my ramblings probably don’t make sense to read, but I will try to do better ^^’

Thank you and stay safe <3.

PS. Please enjoy the art I will provide, not all will be mine as I have commissioned art from other artists that I do hope to credit. Let’s just say that I will first post the art I have made, and then the commissioned work will drop as I continue to talk about my feelings with Pyra and yume shipping in general.

[art-sicordial]

Supporter Content, Patreon vs Ko-fi

TL:DR I'm going to keep using Patreon as a primary support platform until it's unusable but Ko-fi will be available to those who prefer it, just be aware that some content may be censored there or may be missing entirely.

Patreon had been making changes recently (well, really the past couple years) that have made them less appealing as a platform to use for both creators and potential supporters. I would like to use Ko-fi as a secondary support method for people that would prefer that platform and for myself to have an alternative. I am a bit hesitant to use Ko-fi as I'm worried that some of the comic's content just isn't suitable for the platform, this was something I weighed two years ago when I originally chose Patreon over Ko-fi. I am creating horror content and payment processors hate violence and nudity.

I'd prefer to not end up having to tag my Ko-fi page as adult like I did for my Patreon as I'm also looking at moving my Etsy store offerings over to Ko-fi. That's the big reason why I'm treading extra carefully. So I'm working things out, here are my current musings, I'm super open to feedback and suggestions:

Tiers: I'm going to do one solid tier for Ko-fi, $5 a month and you'll get supporter content. Hell I might even give my Patreon's $3 tier the axe to make everything roughly equivalent, no one is tier 1 anyway.

Exclusive Illustrations: I'm in the process of putting up Patreon exclusive illustrations on Ko-fi for monthly supporters. The only one I don't think I'll put up is the one from this past year of Ada in a bath filled with blood, I think that's going to have to stay on Patreon or I'll make a Ko-fi friendly version lol.

In progress chapter updates: I think I'll feel comfortable posting pages without any gore, violence, nudity, suggestive content, etc. But pages containing that may need to be cropped and censored. I think ambient body horror (like the wall meat Just Hanging Around) should be fine. I will start with making chapter 9's work in progress pages available this week.

Making chapters available to supporters first: I think I should be okay if I make itch.io download keys available in a Ko-fi post. Once again, I'm trying to be as careful as possible and itch.io has always felt like a very safe way for me to post my Meat Horror Comic About Bodies, Gender, and Sexuality. I think that'll be the compromise as opposed to Patreon just getting the downloadable file.

So that's the general idea, I'm going to try to keep them as similar as possible, just with Ko-fi's offerings being more censored than Patreon's, which I dislike doing but once again I'm treading carefully, I'm a very small creator and every bit of revenue I get at this point is a big deal for me, literally every little thing counts.

Anyway my Patreon is here and my Ko-fi is here if you're interested, thanks for reading.

[harpersdragons]

The Tragic Demise of Damian Wayne, Chapter 1

pretty much exactly what the title says, the batfamily got caught in a scheme by Ra's al ghul.

words: 2845

tags: hurt/comfort (hurt no comfort? I think there's comfort) angst, major character death, grief

trigger warnings: grief, character death

What is it with Gotham and warehouses?

Bruce should pay the mayor or whoever the fuck pays for Gotham’s infrastructure to demolish every last one of ‘em. Let some other city have an abundance of warehouses.

Gotham sure as fuck doesn’t need them.

They wouldn’t be in this fuckin’ situation without the warehouses. Probably anyway.

Now, Jason is gonna murder the next person to come near him.

He wasn’t even supposed to be here, he barely affiliates with the bats. They have a mutual agreement: they stay out of his territory, he doesn’t kill in theirs.

Anyone he kills in the Alley fuckin’ deserves it.

The rest of his not-family of vigilantes are in cells much like his own—fuckin’ tiny—and Damian’s not lookin great, he got the worst of the beating, for some reason. They also drugged him, and he was still unconscious in his cell. Jason can see blood leaking sluggishly from a cut on his head, and probably a lot of other injuries.

Bruce, Tim, and Dick are all fine, though Bruce and Tim are bound a lot more securely than the rest of them. Dick and Jason only have their hands tied behind their back, though tied so securely from hands to elbows that they can’t free themselves quickly.

It’s probably still possible, but it’ll take him a while.

Bruce and Tim are bound to their cell walls, hands chained to opposite sides and feet chained together.

Like actual chains. Not even rope like with him and Dick.

They’re both gagged as well.

It shouldn’t bother him, but he’s always hated being underestimated.

However, it will probably work in his favor.

That brings him to Gotham Rogue Round Up of the week: an apparent team up between Scarecrow, Mad Hatter (a weird ass combo, and Jason, again, wishes he were anywhere but here), a third rogue with a flair for dramatic schemes (fuckin’ all of them) that hasn’t been revealed yet.

It was a trap, and now the whole ‘family’ is trapped in a warehouse.

To make it better, it’s a warehouse modified to look like a gladiator ring—a small one, but the point stands.

In the hour they’ve been here, Jason’s made almost no progress on his ropes, he just keeps pacing the lengths of his tiny cell.

Dick is somehow managing to do flips and aerials (or something similar anyway, he’s lacking the usual arm movement that accompanies the move) in his tiny cell.

Eventually, their captors do show up. Jason finally managed to get his arms untied—though he kept the ropes wrapped around his wrists for appearances— and Damian’s woken up.

Scarecrow has his goons unlock Dick and Damian’s cells and promptly drugs them again.

That amount of drugs can’t be good for Damian, especially since he’s only just woken up after the last dose. Plus, Jason doubts they actually adjusted the dosage for a child.

Tim stares straight ahead, ignoring everything going on and Bruce manages some sort of growling sound, probably disagreement about Dick and Damian being dragged down the hall.

It takes at least another 2 hours after the vigilantes disappear before the goons come back.

Jason finally got his ropes untied, but keeps them wrapped around his hands for appearances.

He’s gonna kill someone, and at this point he doesn’t particularly care who.

At least Bruce can’t make it worse and try to talk to him.

The minute his cell door pops open, He drops the rope he’d eventually managed to untie from his wrists. He doesn’t care if he has to rip this fucker’s throat out with his bare hands, only one of them will be leaving this cell alive.

His hand lands around the goon’s throat. The man tries to fight back, but Jason snaps his neck before he can even get a hand out.

He stalks out of the cell, ignoring Bruce and Tim—who each have three goons in their cell—if they can’t get themselves out, they fuckin’ deserve it.

He turns towards where he thinks the exit is, but whoever renovated this fuckin’ warehouse made it a goddamn maze.

He kills whoever he comes across ruthlessly, and much quicker than they deserve.

When he finally gets to the door, however, he hesitates.

He should find Dick and Damian. He at least needs to get Damian out.

Dick, Bruce, and Tim may deserve this (though Jason can’t even say that with confidence, they are his family after all), but Damian’s a child. An injured child.

Fuck!

Jason spins, jogging back through the corridors.

When he finds where they’re holding Dick and Damian—in tunnels leading into the small arena—he pauses to watch. No use rushing in and getting them all killed.

Even though he’s itching to get in and rescue his brothers (you can’t prove he said that), he can’t deny it would be a stupid decision.

So, he watches, taking a few deep breaths to try and calm himself.

Damian looks even worse for wear than he did the last time Jason saw him, though Dick is relatively unharmed. Damian is groggy, leaning up against a wall with his hand braced over his ribs, and while Dick should be going full mother hen on him, he’s not. He’s standing off to the side, staring blankly at the wall.

Jason tilts his head, thinking.

Something’s wrong—well, more wrong than it already was.

Just as he takes a step forward, a blade appears at his throat.

”Now, now, we wouldn’t want to interfere in the plan, now do we?”

Jason freezes. “Ra’s Al Ghul.” The blade presses in just enough for blood to dribble down his throat, and Jason cautiously raises his hands.

This just went from bad to worse.

Jason should’ve left when he had the chance.

”Come now, Red Hood. The show is about to begin.” When Ra’s prods him towards the stands with his sword at Jason’s back, and Jason goes. “While we’re at it, why don’t you take that helmet off?” Ra’s presses the sword against his spine.

Jason unlatches his helmet and slides it off. He’s grateful he wore the domino tonight, because even if Ra’s knows their identities, the Gotham Rogues don’t.

When they got to the stands, Jason saw Bruce and Tim tied even more securely in box seats and both of their gags had been removed. Bruce was scowling, Tim had a blank but calculating look on his face. Ra’s binds him to a chair next to them, and then stalks off without another word.

“I see your escape failed.” Tim snarks.

”Fuck off, Replacement. It’s only because I tried to go back for Damian. I was at the fuckin’ door. I shoulda left you all to that fuckin’ maniac.”

“Language, Hood,” Bruce mumbles.

”Not the fuckin’ time, Batman!”

The villains don’t make them wait this time, they lead the two vigilantes to the middle of the ring not much later.

Dick follows placidly, but Damian’s struggling against the league warrior dragging him. Scarecrow and Hatter each take up position on either side of Dick and Damian, as if they’d actually be able to stop one of them if they tried to escape.

Ra’s chose two of the least physically fit villains to aid him, and Jason has yet to figure out why. He’d figured out what’s about to happen a while ago, almost as soon as he woke up in an over-glorified arena.

2 of them were going to have to fight each other. It became obvious who when Dick and Damian were dragged away.

The question is why.

Why Ra’s suddenly decided to team up with Gotham villains.

Why this huge show?

Ra’s himself stalks out a moment later, taking his place in the middle of the arena. His shadows line the walls, essentially forming a fight circle.

“Now that everyone is here,” Ra’s shoots a pointed look at Jason. “Why don’t I explain why we’re here? I am proposing an ultimatum. Batman, Detective, Other One,”

”Oy! I’m just as important as the other ones, fuck face!”

”Hood! Stop antagonizing him.”

”That’s my whole job, asshole.”

Ra’s clears his throat and continues. “The detective,”

“Which fuckin’ one, dumb ass!”

“Red Hood!”

Ra’s smiles cruelly, “Perhaps you should be the one to die tonight instead?”

Jason shrugs, “Been there, done that. If I recall correctly, which, honestly it’s kinda blurry, but you’re the one who brought me back. Regretting your decision so soon?”

Bruce sighs heavily from next to him, and Tim stifles his snicker.

“Alrigh’, Alrigh’. I’m done. You were saying something stupid?”

Ra’s inhaled sharply, ”As I was saying,” he ground out, “One of you will come back to Nanda Parbat, or the bastard son will die.”

Jason’s heart clenched, and both Bruce and Tim thrash against their bonds.

“You fuckin’ psycho! You already got the Replacement’s spleen, what more do ya want?”

“I’ll do it, I’ll do it!” Bruce yells, trying in vain to escape. “Let him go.”

“Hm. Quicker than I thought. Do you swear to follow through with your word?”

“I do, I do, just please let him go.”

It didn't escape Jason's notice that Bruce was only begging for Damian, for his only biological son. 

Interesting, but probably not the time to bring that up.

“Batman—!” Tim starts.

“Please, I am begging you. Let my son go.”

“Huh, The Bat begging, never thought I’d see the day,” Scarecrow mutters

“Please.”

“Oh but I wouldn’t want to ruin the entertainment I had planned! I honestly wasn’t expecting you to agree so easily. How about this? If he gets out of this alive, you’re all free to go. Minus you, of course, Detective. You are beholden to your deal.”

“Fuckin’ bastard.”

“Such language.”

“How’s this for language? I’m gonna fuckin’ rip your head from your shoulders and shove it up your—“

“Hood!” Tim yells.

“Bitch, I’m right!”

“Look.” Tim jerks his head towards the arena, and Jason sees what he’s looking at. Scarecrow has a hand clamped on Damian’s shoulder, while Mad Hatter’s behind Dick.

Scarecrow injects Damian with something—likely a form of fear toxin considering it’s fuckin’ Scarecrow—and tosses him to the side. Dick doesn’t move a muscle as the Rogues plus Ra’s walk out of the arena. Bruce is still yelling at Ra’s, begging for him to stop the games and just take him, but Ra’s doesn’t listen.

The two rogues exit through a tunnel out of the arena, but Ra’s just moves to the back and grabs one of the league members standing around the wall. He rips the hood and mask of her face and—

It’s Talia.

Jason sucks in a breath, pleading with her to say something, do something to stop her father.

Talia could win, she has before.

But she’s not doing anything.

She’s just standing there, her Father’s hand clamped on her shoulder, her chin high and face impassive.

Once everyone’s in place, Dick jumps into motion.

He lunges at Damian, who hadn’t moved since being tossed to the floor.

Damian barely manages to roll out of the way. He scrambles back towards the wall, eyes wide in fear.

Surprisingly, it’s the most lucid Jason’s seen him all night.

Dick lunges again, feinting left and hitting right. Damian, in his disoriented state, doesn’t counter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Talia’s heart is in her throat as she watches her normally composed son struggle to fight for his life. He’s uncoordinated, with shaky movements as he dodges the relentless strikes from his older brother. Richard, despite not being in control of his body, is completely coordinated and ruthless. Damian gives ground, trying to retreat, and Richard following.

She avoids her beloved’s eyes, not wanting to see the despair there.

They all know this was a rigged fight, no way her father would think up anything else.

Damian was doomed from the start, and it’s her fault.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce desperately seeks out Talia’s gaze, but she’s clearly avoiding looking at him. His bindings weren’t giving, no matter how hard he struggled, and Damian was losing quickly. He gets more and more uncoordinated as the fight goes on, stumbling around and narrowly avoiding blows. Dick won’t stop, presumably Mad Hatter’s tech, and Bruce is helpless to stop it.

Talia is the only one who could help, and yet she’s just standing there.

She’s not wholly unaffected, her anxiety only showing through the purse of her lips and the minute tapping of her finger against her thigh.

Otherwise, she stands defiant, chin held high, gaze steady. SHe looks every bit the cruel heiress to the Head of the Demon. Ra’s stands unyielding next to her, hand clamped on her shoulder and a cruel smile twisting his face.

Jason is muttering something under his breath next to him, and Bruce can’t focus enough to hear him.

All his attention is on the sorry excuse for a fight playing out in front of him.

If Bruce can’t get out of this, his son will die. Again.

Bruce is powerless, he’d been led into a fool’s bargain, and now he was paying the price.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason could physically feel his heart breaking as he heard Damian’s screams. The kid has never once screamed as long as Jason has known him, and yet here he was, screaming in terror as he barely avoids Dick. Damian’s faltering even more now, and Dick’s closing in.

“C’mon kid, fight.” Jason knows it’s hopeless, there’s no way Damian can make it out alive.

“Richard…stop, stop, please! Please, you know me.” Dick advances slowly, a predator stalking its prey. “Baba! Stop, Baba…” Damian’s voice quiets to a near whisper, and Jason can no longer hear what he’s saying.

He can’t take this anymore, he needs a way out.

Now.

Maybe…

“Superman, if you can fuckin’ hear me get your ass over here. Now. Don’t make the same mistake again.”

Tim clearly hears him, and perks up, calling out to Connor.

Bruce makes no show of hearing either of them, wholly focused on the fight in front of him.

Damian glances around, eyes catching on each of them, and then finally his mother. He darts over to her, trying to dive behind her, but the league shadows close the gap and force him towards Dick.

Dick pulls his escrima sticks out, the electricity crackling in the silent atmosphere.

“Mother, help me, help me, please!”

The only hint she heard him is the sad twist of her mouth, and the furrow of her brow. Jason tugs harder on his bonds as Dick closes in, Damian too distracted by his mother. Dick latches one of his escrima sticks around Damian’s neck, locking him in place.

He jams the other one under Damian’s ribs, and Jason watches as his baby brother’s body contracts from the electricity coursing through him, and Jason doesn’t know how he knows, but he knows the current is turned up.

None of the criminals Dick has struck has ever reacted like that.

The scream Damian lets out is pure pain, and it’s near ear piercing even through clenched teeth. Talia’s indifferent facade crumbles, silent tears cascading down her face.

Dick lets go, and Damian crumbles to the ground. Damian crawls away—attempts too anyway—and he finally locks eyes with Jason.

“Akhi…” Damian’s voice is rough, barely audible.

Jason responds with their specific call, a two tone whistle—high then low—trying to comfort him.

He thrashes in his bonds, trying in vain to break free.

“Kal-El! Get your ass over here Or I’ll shove kryptonite so far up your ass you’ll choke on it.” He’s near shouting now, uncaring who hears him call.

Bruce finally breaks out of his stupor, mirroring with a call of his own.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dick watches his brother—who’s practically a son to him—weakly drag himself away.

Stop fighting,

Stop fighting,

Stop fighting,

Stop fighting!

Dick can’t get control of his body, he can’t do anything but watch as his hands beat his brother, his son. Can’t do anything as his son begs him to stop, as he cries out and tries in vain to get away.

He’s helpless as he pins Damian to the ground, as he shoves his escrima sticks—the same ones he maxed out against his control—against Damian’s chest.

Another whistle rings out, identical to the one before.

Damian weakly attempts to replicate it, but barely a sound makes it past his lips.

Dick watches, desperately trying to wrest control back, as his brother thrashes on the ground from the current arcing through him.

He watches as his brother collapses, lifeless, back to the ground.

His body steps back, going completely still in a way that is so unnatural for him.

The blood rushing in his head drowns out the sounds around him.

The anguished scream from a mother losing her son.

Bruce’s roar of anger.

He’s never going to be forgiven for this.

It’s his fault,

It’s all his fault.

He wishes he could collapse, his legs feel weak despite the lack of control he has over them.

All.

His.

Fault.

[missythecalicocat]

So this is my first ever attempt to post my AO3 work on tumblr!! I’m not 100% sure on what I’m doing but yknow, I’m trying to learn 😭.

This is a puzzleshipping fanfiction that takes place after Yugi gets his soul returned to him from the whole seal of Orichalcos thing. Just to tell everyone, I haven’t watched Yugioh for a few years now and I’m a little rusty with the lore. I’ve started to rewatch it recently but I have yet to finish the seal of Orichalcos arc.

Anyway, some story tags, I guess… : puzzleshipping, Mature Audience, somewhat slow burn, rouge duel-monsters.

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THE HARMONY OF THINGS

He was mad. Really mad, Furious even. He was so angry that Yami had let his darkness get the better of him. The moment Yami had played the seal of orichalcos it made Yugi doubt all the progress they had made. He knows deep down that Yami was a bad person before they became friends, but he had thought that Yami had changed for the better since. He was more caring then ever and Yugi fell for it. He let himself grow vulnerable with the corrupted spirit of an ancient Egyptian Pharaoh and Yugi hated to admit it but he had completely trusted the spirit with everything. Now that trust was crumbling like a house built on an unsteady foundation. It felt like he couldn’t escape the crumbling walls of that house. It was scary being trapped in a void with no one around. He felt lost and he couldn’t help but fall apart.

He fell apart and crumbled just like that house. He couldn’t stop the nagging feeling of loneliness that crept inside his mind. Like that loneliness was a disease, however, it was a disease he was used to. He was used to that disease as for years he had lived through that crippling feeling of loneliness. If it hadn’t been for Yami, he wouldn’t have escaped that depressing state that he was confined to for years but, Yugi knows that doesn’t mean he owes Yami anything. He didn’t ask for Yamis help. Well, okay he asked the puzzle for help, but that didn’t count because he wasn’t specifically asking Yami.

great now he’s rambling nonsense because he can’t make up his mind. Can he forgive Yami? Can he hate him forever? He groaned as he clutched his head and fell back onto his fluffy blue comforter. Ever since Yami had gotten Yugi back, he had been hiding from their bond and hiding in his soul room. It’s not like they need to talk about what happened or anything. Plus, Yugi is totally not mad, totally. Totally not! He’s so happy, very happy! Ecstatic even! Okay, the point has been made and now Yami is hiding from Yugi so Yugi can’t even work out his feelings. It’s so unfair and Yugi doesn’t know how to handle it.

He hates to admit it but he does in fact miss Yami. As mad as he is, Yami still earned a place in his heart that feels empty when he’s not there and he feels like a part of himself is missing. He groaned again before sitting up and staring at his full body mirror that stood in front of him. He laughed pitifully at the reflection that showed. Yami and Yugi had been the same person for so long that now he’ll never stop associating himself with his other half. He can’t even look at himself without seeing Yami. It was pitiful how it made his heart ache for the other. Wishing deep down that Yami was with him no matter how upset he was. He misses Yami more than he wants to admit and he’ll always hurt when the other isn’t here. When his soul was trapped he missed his friends but he ached for his other half to remind him that they were in this together. That he wasn’t alone. That he wasn’t alone like he was right at this moment. He felt so alone now that Yami was hiding and he didn’t know what to do about it.

Maybe one of his friends could help. Tea was the only one to have a conversation with Yami one on one, maybe she could help. With that thought he quickly grabbed his phone and messaged Tea to meet him at the train station. Without hesitation she had agreed and then he quickly got ready to leave then he hightailed himself out of his house. His grandpa was a little confused but shrugged it off.

”Yugi! Why did you want to meet?” Tea had asked him once he arrived at the train station. He was huffing to catch his breath as he knelt over with his hand on his chest. One finger pointed towards the sky as if saying ‘give me a moment’.

“I need help.” He said through his huffs as he looked up at her with a pitiful face. She nodded before leading them to his favorite burger joint. The entire walk he tried to catch his breath to which he successfully did after a few minutes of slow walking. The walk was silent until they had been seated inside the joint.

”It’s about Yami, isn’t it?” She asked and He nodded softly as he looked down at the fries on his tray. She sighed before she took a bite of one of her fries. “He was devastated, you know?” His eyes met her sad ones.

”He was?” Yugi asked her in response and she nodded as a sad smile tugged on her lips.

”He felt so guilty. He was crushed.” Yugi scoffed bitterly.

”He should feel guilty, because of him I had to sit alone for what felt like eternity.” He spoke bitterly and Tea frowned and sighed.

”That wasn’t entirely his fault, you did choose to sacrifice yourself instead of letting the seal take him.” Tea placed her head in her palm and Yugi frowned once more.

”But I wouldn’t have had to do that IF he didn’t use the seal in the first place!” He argued and Tea just stared.

”That’s not true. You didn’t have to sacrifice yourself. He didn’t force you to, you chose to.” Tea stated matter-of-factly and Yugi just groaned.

”But, I couldn’t let him seal his soul like that!” He huffed out a breath of annoyance.

”Why? Why didn’t you let him suffer the consequences of his own action?” She asked him.

”I— I just couldn’t” He answered with hesitation. He doesn’t know that answer himself.

”Why couldn’t you?” She asked, her voice steady and calm.

“I— I don’t know Tea, I just couldn’t!” He answered once more with the same hesitation.

”You do know Yugi, deep down you do, people are never that selfless without a reason.” Her voice was commanding as if she was commanding the answer out of him and he was panicking.

”I don’t know Tea!” He was angry at her now for asking him these stupid questions.

”You do Yugi! You do! Why couldn’t you let the seal take Yami! Why did you push him out of the way! Yugi you know the answer! Why!!” She got a little louder and he squinted his eyes.

”BECAUSE I— I LOVE HIM! I— I love him…” He started to quiet down when he was hit with the piercing realization. The heavy ache in his heart and the emptiness he feels when Yami is missing, all making sense with that revelation. “I wanted to save him, because I love him.”

Tea sighed when Yugi finally admitted to himself the feelings he harbored for his other half. “Yugi, he was heartbroken when he saw what he had done. He was lost without you. You need to talk to him.”

”It’s not like I haven't tried. He’s hiding from me like a coward.” Yugi huffed as he puffed out his chest and crossed his arms. His cheeks a slight dusting of red.

”You wouldn’t do the same thing? You wouldn’t cower from embarrassment and sadness?” She questioned and he looked at her as his once hard eyes had softened.

“I guess, I would hide too.” He mumbled and Tea smiled softly. “But I don’t know how to find him, his soul room is a maze. And he blocked our bond so I can’t telepathically reach out to him. It’s just to hard”

”Oh stop moping! You’ve been through far worse than a maze and you never gave up then! So why are you giving up now! Yami is one of, if not the, closest friends you’ve ever had! You love him for crying out loud, now go searching for him. Believe in finding him like you believe in the heart of the cards!” Usually her speeches were partially annoying, however, this time it was so inspirational. Maybe because it hit really close to home. “Now go find your boyfriend!”

Yugi blushed a deep red before swatting at her shoulder. “He’s not my boyfriend!!”

”Not yet,” She grinned and he rolled his eyes before smiling softly. No matter how annoying Tea is sometimes, she truly is one of his bestest friends and he appreciates her so much.

—

Now he’s home, laying down in his bed as he tries to focus on going into his soul room. To which, he was struggling greatly. Yami was the one who usually took him to his soul room because he was better than him at it. The only thing he truly remembered was that he had to close his eyes and focus on going into the puzzle. Which was apparently both simultaneously his soul and not. It was really confusing and he chose not to think about it.

Instead he laid in his bed and focused on going into his soul room. For a second he thought it didn’t work before he opened his eyes and noticed he was no longer in his bedroom. Now, he was laying in a bed that had light blue sheets and he was surrounded by toys. The entire room looked like a child’s fantasy. He’s been in here a few times, it’s usually where they start when Yami would bring him into his soul. Oh, how his heart yearned for those eyes. They were red, shining, and brilliant. Yugi wished he could sit and stare! Getting lost for hours on end in the crimson pools. He felt his face heat up as he thought about it, a soft smile tugged on his lips.

Determination filled his veins as he stood up quickly from the bed and walked to the soul room's door. He had to find Yami now! The speech Tea had given him flooding his thoughts once more. “Believe in finding him like you believe in the heart of the cards.” Now that he has a purpose maybe the road won’t be as winded and difficult to trek. Well, there’s only one way to find out.

His hand grasped the black handle as he opened the soul room door. A dark hallway greeted him and he hesitantly stepped out into the darkness. When Yami was here, he wasn’t as scared and with Yami gone he could barely step out into the hall. His heart hammering in his chest from his fear. He tried to stay calm by breathing in and out slowly and deeply, feeling his lungs inhale and exhale.

He turned to his right and he saw the glowing door of Yami's soul room. He walked to it and placed his hand on the golden handle. Before he opened the door he placed his head on the glowing eye and spoke softly, “I won’t be afraid, I won’t be afraid.” That mantra was meant to keep the nerves off however it didn’t do much to help when he was met face to face with the maze. The scary, gravity defying, 4d maze. It sent a shiver down his spine as he slowly walked beyond the doorway and into the room.

He could hear the sounds of his footsteps echoing inside the mazes walls. The eerie vibe gave him a chill as he slowly started to walk up a staircase. He kept mumbling about believing in finding Yami and how he wasn’t afraid. He noticed the etchings and tried to read the markings however, it all looked incomprehensible to him. He followed the hallway down towards a door though as he stepped in front of the door, the floor below him caved under his weight and he quickly grabbed onto a brick before he fell entirely into the void below.

“YAMI!!” He called out to his other half in hopes Yami would come running to his aid. He weakly tried to pull himself up with his own arm strength. Though as he put his weight onto the brick it slipped from its place and fell into the void as his non-dominant hand quickly grabbed the next closest brick. He didn’t have as good of a grip as he hoped and he felt his fingers slipping more and more off the brick as the seconds passed.

He couldn’t fall, he had to find Yami. With what strength he could muster and the adrenaline in his veins, he used those factors as he pulled his body up. Just enough for him to swing his dominant arm over the bricks in front of him and grapple onto the ground. Then he started to pull himself out of the hole, determined to make it to Yami. He pushed his arms into the ground below as he tried to swing his leg up and onto the bricks. What he didn’t think about was how weak the floor might’ve been, which he learned pretty quickly as the brick below him broke out of its place causing his grip to loosen as he slid off the bricks he just climbed back onto. His leg getting caught on the edge of a brick which scrapes down his calve and he winces in pain. His hand couldn’t get a good enough grip on anything and he felt his heart stop as he fell into the void.

We’ll, it started once again when he felt someone’s hand grab his. He looked up with excitement only to have that excitement drop into confusion. There stood the Dark Magician grabbing his hand and pulling him up. When his feet finally made it on to steady ground he looked back at the dark magician. His face morphed into hesitance as he stared at the magician.

“Dark Magician? How did you…?” As he asked that question he remembered a moment where he was faced with the dark magician before. It was him and Shadi and Shadi had threatened to summon the blue-eyes white dragon in Yami's Soul room, however Yugi was able to convince him not to. Only Yugi was able to calm the dark magician.

The dark magician never spoke, however, he did pick Yugi up from his semi standing position. The dark magician held Yugi in a bridal position that caused a subtle heat to rise to Yugi’s cheeks. “Wh-what are you doing!”

Yugi followed the dark magician's eyes to his injured leg and smiled softly. “I’m fine Dark Magician, I can walk on my own.” The magician looked at him with soft eyes before gently putting him down on his feet. The magician grabbed his hand gently to which Yugi blushed and gasped in surprise, before dragging him out of the hallway they were in. Yugi’s heart hammered in his chest as he felt the death grip that the magician was holding his hand with. “Wh-Where are we going?”

The magician stopped before turning to Yugi and pointing at his millennium puzzle. “But aren’t we already in the puzzle? How are you gonna take me to a place I already am?” He asked and the magician shook his head before grabbing both of Yugi’s hands again, placing both of them in one of his. Which caused Yugi to blush at the apparent size difference. Then the magician pointed at Yugi’s heart and he looked at the magician in confusion, only to be met by a smile. One he never thought he’d see on the dark magician. Then the dark magician let go of his hands before pointing at him once more then making a heart with both of the magicians hands. Yugi picked up that the magician was trying to say something along the lines of “your heart” which to Yugi was “my heart”. Then it clicked.

“You'll take me to Yami? You know where he is?” He asked and the magician nodded before grabbing Yugi’s hand once more as if to say, ‘follow me, I’ll lead you’. Contently, Yugi followed the magician as he led Yugi through winding mazes. Yugi felt like he walked around in circles with each stairwell and hallway they passed. The maze felt like it went on forever, at least, it did until yugi bumped into the back of the dark magician. Noticing the magician had stopped, Yugi looked up at him.

“What’s wrong?” He felt the magician tense as the magician grabbed out his staff. Then he heard the noise of quick paced footsteps running towards them from the dark end of the hallway. He tensed as he saw the figure of his other self running towards them. “Yami!!”

Yamis eyes snapped towards Yugi as his face morphed into confusion and then into concern. Yugi had to resist the urge to run up to him and grab him. “Yugi! What, what are you doing here?” Yami was now standing in front of him.

“I was—“ then a loud screech cut him off as he looked past Yami and saw Joey's Red eyes flying out of the darkness. Yami quickly grabbed onto Yugi and held him in a protective grasp as the dark magician stepped in front of the both of them with his staff aimed at the red eyes. “Wait! We don’t have to kill it do we? Red eyes did nothing wrong!”

“Yugi—“ Yami started as Yugi moved out of Yamis protective grasp. Yugi stood in front of the others as he looked at the attacking red eyes.

“Red eyes please, it’s me Yugi!! You have to remember me! Please!” Red eyes didn’t stop his assault forward and Yugi frowned. “Please” he begged one last time as he closed his eyes in anticipation. However, nothing happened and he opened his eyes. Seeing the red eyes flying right in front of him as its attack had halted. The red eyes gently put its head in Yugi’s hand and rubbed against it like a dog would. “What’s wrong, red eyes? Why were you attacking?” The dragon roared as it laid down on the ground. It looked like it was in pain.

“Red eyes?” He knelt down and gently petted the dragon's nose.

“Yugi I think we should—“ Yami started to walk up towards Yugi but Yugi shook his head no.

“Somethings wrong Yami, you can’t hide from this problem too!” Yugi didn’t mean to come off as rude and angry as he did. The look of sadness that filled Yamis eyes at Yugi’s remark broke Yugi’s heart. “I— I’m sorry Yami I didn’t—“

“No… you’re right, I can’t hide anymore.” Yugi smiled softly at Yamis resolve and nodded.

“Speaking of not hiding anymore, we need to have an important conversation.” Yugi stood in front of Yami and Yami looked away. “Yami I—“

Then the loud noises of more monsters came from the halls. He can’t keep getting interrupted like this! He turned his attention down the hallway as he saw zombie monsters start walking out of the hallway. Quickly Yugi crouched down to red eyes and woke it up from its slumber. Weakly the dragon started to fly up and follow its humans.

“Dark magician!! Attack the zombies!” Yami yelled and the dark magician got ready to aim his attack at the zombies.

“NO! Dark Magician, don’t!! PLEASE.” Yuhi pleaded and the dark magician gave a look of confliction. Then the magician aimed an attack and Yugi cried out trying to stop the magician. However, Yugi was pleasantly surprised when the magician didn’t attack the creatures, however, it attacked the ground between them and the creatures. Causing the ground to collapse between the monsters and the others.

“Yugi—“ Yami looked at Yugi with a look that was completely unreadable. Yugi turned his body towards Yami.

“Please, can we not hurt the monsters? I don’t want them to get punished when they did nothing wrong but exist.” Yugi pleaded with his darker self and Yami bit his bottom lip. Then, Yami nodded softly.

“That’s very kind of you Yugi, if you think we shouldn’t hurt the monsters then… I guess we won’t.” Yugi smiled as Yami spoke. The way Yami looked at him made him get embarrassed. It was the pure astonishment and adoration in Yamis eyes that made Yugi get shy all of a sudden. “I’m sorry, for attacking the monsters and, I’m sorry for every wrong I’ve—“

Yugi put a finger to Yamis lips. As much as he wants to have this conversation, he definitely thinks now is not the time. “We’ll talk about it later, we have a mystery to solve. For Right now, we’re okay. Let’s just get the mission over.” Yami nodded before grabbing Yugi’s hand softly.

“Alright, everyone follow me, let’s get out of here and try to figure out what’s going wrong!!” Yami dragged Yugi as the good monsters followed them.

“Do you think there are good monsters who know what’s going on?” Yugi asked and he heard the dark magician grunt. “Do you know something, dark magician?”

The Dark Magician nodded as he closed his eyes in focus. Everyone stopped as the magician had stopped all movements. The dragon got on the ground and got comfortable. Then the sound of feet running towards them from the opposite direction was heard. Yugi instinctively hid behind Yami.

“Yugi!! Pharaoh!!!” The woman yelled as she ran up to them and out of the darkness. Yugi’s eyes widen as he sees the duel monster Dark Magician Girl, running up to them.

“Dark Magician Girl!! Did the Dark Magician call out to you?” Yugi ran up to the girl and she nodded.

“I’ll explain everything, but we have to go! There are more monsters on the way that will not hesitate to hurt us!” Everyone nodded and the dragon flew up into the sky, ready to follow the humans. With that they all followed the magician girl, no hesitation needed.

They ran through hallways, doorways and stairwells before they finally stopped in a room with a bunch of monster engravings. The dark magician and the dark magician girl had stood in the middle of the room, back to back, chanting something Yugi couldn’t understand. Then the tablets started to shake as duel monsters started to come out of the tablets.

“Wh-What are you doing?!” Yugi asked the magician girl and she winked at him.

“Do not worry Yugi, these Monsters are on your side! And we’re gonna need all the help we can get!” Once all the monsters came out of the Tablets Yugi felt a fuzzy thing rub against his cheek. He immediately knew it was Kuriboh. The fuzzball cuddled him and Yugi let it.

“Now, tell us what’s going on Dark Magician Girl.” Yami said with a gruffy tone in his voice.

The magician girl nodded before walking in front of them. “The balance was thrown off, the harmony of darkness and light was thrown out of balance which caused a bunch of monsters to free themselves from the tablets. Some good, some evil.”

“What threw the harmony off balance?” Yugi asked and before the magician girl could respond, Yami spoke with sadness within his voice.

“The seal of orichalcos…” Yugi frowned as the Dark Magician Girl nodded.

“Because of the seal, the balanced Harmony between light and dark was thrown off.” She explained and Yugi frowned as he looked at Yami. The face of despair on Yamis features. Yugi quickly walked over to Yami and hugged him, Yami tensed as he looked at Yugi. “But please don’t despair pharaoh, just like how you created more darkness, yugi can create more light. His pure generosity and love can change the monster's heart. Like he did the red eyes.”

Yugi looked at her with surprise in his eyes. “Me? I can help.” The magician girl nodded.

“Yes, Yugi, you are the light while Yami is the darkness.” The girl spoke with her chipper voice. Yugi nodded before looking at her.

“Can we save them all? Can we save them without hurting them?” Yugi asked and the magician girl frowned a little.

“You can save most of them, but some were evil before the balance was thrown off. Those who were evil before cannot be saved.” With that answer Yugi frowned. “That’s why there’s Yami, those dark creatures don’t stand a chance against the Pharaoh. Yami has to do his part, just like you Yugi.”

“But, they did nothing wrong but exist, why do we have to punish something that did nothing wrong! Because some evil sorcerer people corrupted those monsters? I just wish I could save them all!!” Yugi hated this, he hated hurting others. It made his head ache

“I’m sorry Yugi, I really am, if it wasn’t for me we wouldn’t be in this situation and I—“ he started though Yugi cut him off.

“We’ll talk about it later Yami, please let’s just focus.” Yami nodded before turning his head away. “How am I supposed to fix this?” Yugi asked the magician girl.

“That is a question I do not have the answer to, I’m sorry Yugi.” She answered softly and sadly and Yugi looked down. Of course there is no solution, there’s never a solution. He always has to figure it out!

“Maybe since Yami used the seal of orichalcos I have to do something on the opposite side of the spectrum? Agh I don’t know.” He suggested before shaking his head.

“Maybe, or the problem could be more inward as opposed to outward!” She suggested and Yugi looked at her in confusion.

“What do you mean?” He asked her and she smiled once more.

“Maybe it’s much less the creatures that are broken, but more the light and darkness itself.” She says, still cryptic and confusing.

“Huh? I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean?” Yugi frowned as the Dark Magician Girl shrugged. Well he won’t think about it like that. In the middle of their conversation a monster had walked into the door outside the room they were in. “Don’t kill it! It did nothing wrong!”

Then the sound of more monsters piled on the door. Yugi frowned as the magicians got ready to attack in front of him. “No!! Please!”

“Go, please, we will hold them off! We will try to not kill any of them. Take red-eyes with you two!! Now go!!” The magician girl demanded and Yugi nodded. Red-eyes was quick to follow the other two as they ran out the other exit of the room. Yugi hated this!! He hated everything about this!! He felt like he couldn’t do anything.

“Yugi, stop.” Yami said as he stopped his movements. Yugi quickly turned around and came face to face with Yami. “Yugi i—“

“Please Yami we don’t have time—“ he tried to dismiss Yamis attempt to make amends.

“No please, Yugi listen, I admire your optimism and how blinding it is. I just wanted you to know that I admire you Yugi.” Yugi sighed at Yamis little speech and smiled softly. Yugi made an attempt to move to Yami however, the loud booming from the direction they came from ruined the tender moment. “Okay now we’ve really got to go”

Yugi let Yami drag him along, Yugi’s hand firmly placed in Yamis. Yugi’s heart pounded in his chest as he felt the bond was still blocked off. He frowned at the idea that Yami hadn't opened back up to him yet. He really wants to talk to Yami about the whole ordeal, however, he deems the current situation more important. They made it to a door and Yami carefully opened it and noticed it led down a separate hallway. Then they heard the thump of a large weight hitting the floor. Quickly Yugi turned around and noticed Red Eyes weakly huffing on the ground. He ran to the poor dragon before petting it on the head.

“Yugi we don’t have time! We have to go!” Yami argued with Yugi’s actions and Yugi shook his head.

“Yami! We can’t leave Red-Eyes here defenseless!” Yugi argued back.

“The Red Eyes will be fine!! Yugi if you even get hurt that could compromise the entire mission! You are more important!” Yami tried to grab Yugi’s arm however Yugi pulled back.

“You may be a ruthless Jerk who doesn’t care for others but I’m not!! You can leave, I’ll stay with Red Eyes!” Yugi slightly pushed Yami away and knelt back down to Red Eyes, hugging the dragon's head.

Then the ground started to rumble and shake from below them. Yugi looked at Yami as the ground started to crumble around him. Then it broke.

“YAMI!!” Yugi lurched forward and grabbed onto Yamis hand as the void threatened them. “I’m so sorry!!” Yami looked up at him with a broken look on his face.

“No, you’re right, Ra, you’re always right Yugi. I am the one who doubts you and causes everything to crumble.” Yugi struggled to hold Yami up from the void. “I always mess up by going against your decisions! Or not taking into account how you might feel. I’m sorry Yugi, I really am.”

“Shut up Yami, stop talking about this as if I’m gonna let you go!” Yugi grunted as he tried to pull Yami up from the emptiness.

“I’m sorry Yugi.” Yami apologized once more and Yugi shook his head.

“Shut up Yami!! Stop it! Stop giving up!” He groaned as he dug his feet into the ground and pulled Yami up with all his strength. Yami grabbed onto the bricks with his other hand and pushed himself up out of the void. Once Yami was out of the void and safe, Yugi collapsed onto the ground. Feeling his heartbeat in his ears.

“Thank you aibo” Yugi felt something brush against his forehead and he opened his eyes. Seeing Yami brushing his hair off of his sweaty forehead. And just as quickly as Yami started moving his hair, he stopped before standing up. Then he offered a hand to help Yugi up to which Yugi took the others hand without hesitation.

“Of course, other me,” they stared at each other with a soft smile. Yugi felt his face heat up as blush spread across both of his cheeks.

“I’m sorry Yugi, I truly am.” Yamis hand reached out to take Yugi’s and Yugi could sense the change in tone. What was once a scary situation had turned into a moment of romance or at least to Yugi. It was nice until Yugi started to overthink about it and second guess the signs. Did Yami like him back or was this just a desperate attempt to settle Yamis nerves after he almost just fell into the void of his soul. Yugi shook his head before taking his hand back and awkwardly hiding it underneath his arm. Yami gave a look of confusion before frowning and taking his hand back.

“Let's just keep moving. C’mon Red-Eyes, let's go.” Yugi petted the dragon on the head as it started to get up. Flying up into the sky.

“We have a small issue Yugi, the ground below is broken past this point and we cant jump the gap.” Yami pointed out and Yugi nodded.

“It would be a problem if we didn’t have a dragon who could fly! Do you think you could fly us across the void Red-Eyes?” Yugi had asked the dragon and it huffed out before sitting down on the ground, allowing the humans to mount it. Yugi smiled and nodded as he gently threw his leg over Red-Eyes' back and sat himself comfortably on it. He gave the dragon a gentle pat. “Thank you buddy.” The dragon roared and huffed. Yami hesitantly sat on the dragon's back, right behind Yugi. Yugi blushed as he felt Yamis chest press against his back and as the dragon stood up and started to fly, Yami pressed even more into Yugi. The Red-Eyes roared as it soared across the empty void. Yugi could feel the heat radiating off of Yami and Yugi tried to shake off the, not so appropriate, thoughts from his head.

“Yugi what's wrong?” Yami asked him and he tensed. He awkwardly laughed.

“Nothing! Haha, don’t worry Yami!” he answered and Yami hummed. He could tell Yami didn’t believe him, but Yami didn’t want to push him again. Yugi was very grateful for that aspect of Yami.

Once they made it to the other side of the void and landed on the brick path, Yugi and Yami had gotten off the dragon who happily huffed. Yugi gave the dragon a gentle pat to the head before looking towards his other self.

“Was saving Red-Eyes a good idea now?” He asked his other self and Yami smiled.

“Yes, I suppose it was. Now let’s go.” Yugi nodded at Yamis order and happily followed Yamis every move. It was relatively quiet in the maze as they walked down the hallway. The only thing that could be heard was the footsteps echoing down the halls. Yami and Yugi both continued to walk down the hallway; the silence between them was deafeningly loud. Nervously Yugi fiddled with his fingers as they never spoke. He was upset about the whole seal of orichalcos issue, of course he was, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to talk to Yami. He always wants to talk to Yami and because Yami is in his embarrassed and hiding from the issue phase, it means that Yugi is struggling to talk to him. He had to talk to Yami, he had to break through that wall!

“You know the gang misses you right?” Yugi stated softly and Yami looked towards him with an unreadable expression on his face.

”They miss me?” He asked, his expression unchanging.

”Yes, they do, greatly. I don’t think you realize how important you are to them. Just like me they spent time helping you achieve your goal. Even if we haven’t gotten all your memories back yet.” Yugi smiled at Yami and Yami’s lips curled into a frown.

”Look how I repaid them for their kindness.” Yami didn’t look back at Yugi as he just walked ahead of Yugi, using his long legs to get quickly past Yugi. Yugi frowned, seeing his attempt to help raise Yamis mood backfire. He sighed before jogging to catch up to Yami.

“Yami, no one is mad at you.” He started as he grabbed Yami’s arm. Yami glanced at him before a small painful smile tugged on his lips. “Let's just talk like we used to do, okay?”

He nodded softly as he slowed down so Yugi could keep up with him. They did in fact talk a bit. They discussed some strategies as they walked. Yugi enjoyed it quite a bit. He enjoyed being able to talk to his best friend. The one he harbored feelings of love towards.

They talked and walked directly into a giant opening with a nice fountain in the center. The first thing Yugi noticed was the etchings on the wall. All of them leading towards the fountain which also had etchings and carvings on the bricks. Yugi heard the sound of a large thump and he looked in the direction it came from. That’s when he physically had to restrain himself from audibly squealing. The sight before him was the Red-Eyes dragon laying down in a funny way. Both claws playfully stretched out.

”I think we should take a break for Red-Eyes, he doesn’t look like he’s been doing well.” Yugi knelt down onto his knees and started to pet the dragon on its belly. The dragon made a noise that could only be picked up as excitement, primarily because the dragon jumped up and licked Yugi directly on the face right after making that noise. Yugi giggled as he pet the licking dragon.

“Heh, alright, we’ll take a break.” Yami knelt down as well as he joined Yugi in his petting. The Dragon then turned to Yami and started to lick his face as well, practically jumping onto the human. The dragon reminded Yugi of a happy dog. Yami chuckled whole heartedly and Yugi felt his face heat up. Looking at Yami he noticed that when Yami is happy his eyes close and he looks beautiful. Elegant, even while a dragon is licking his face and the way he chuckles. The sound was like music to Yugi's ears. His voice was so deep however, when he chuckled it raised a few levels. Yugi could get lost while staring at him.

He couldn’t help the way his heart would beat when Yami smiled. He couldn’t help the love that would fill in his veins when he saw that his other half was happy. Maybe that’s why Yugi would call Yami his other half. Maybe it's because without Yami, he feels like a glass that’s only half full. He feels like he misses a major part of himself. Yes, Yami was a bad person, Yugi knew that, but that didn’t stop the love from growing. Because just like Yugi has made Yami a better person, Yami has also made Yugi a better person. Yugi was a shy kid who could barely speak his mind, however, thanks to Yami, Yugi’s confidence has greatly improved. He’s not as afraid to speak his mind and he has even started combating his massive stage fright. That was all thanks to Yami. The ruby eyed male that had made Yugi realize he was not as straight as he thought he was. He chuckled to himself before Yami looked in his direction.

”we should probably get moving again! I think Red-Eyes is energized enough.” Yami pointed out and Yugi saw the tail wagging happy dragon hopping in place. Yugi chuckled once more before standing up and wiping off his knees. A soft smile dancing across his lips as he happily continued walking.

”Red-Eyes really acts like a dog, don’t you agree?” He asked Yami and Yami looked at him puzzled.

”Dog?” He questioned and Yugi froze. “What is a dog?”

”You don’t know what a dog is? It’s like an animal on all fours that plays just like Red-Eyes did!” Yugi explained to the best of his ability.

”Oh! Then I guess, Yes Yugi, Red-Eyes is like a ‘Dog’.” Yami answered his original question before pausing. “Yugi look! An exit!” Yugi quickly turned his attention towards the metal door that was in front of him. The fact that the door was completely different from all the others freaked Yugi out.

“Yami lets not rush into—“ Yami was already over by the door before Yugi could even spit out his warning. “Oh whatever, what’s the worst that could happen?”

Yugi happily skipped towards Yami. Now he was eating his words because as soon as he stepped next to Yami a pit opened below them dropping them into a relatively small cube and to make matters worse, the once open roof turns to stone as it seals them inside. What’s the worst that could happen Yugi? Oh who knows, MAYBE GETTING TRAPPED INTO A SMALL SPACE WITH YOUR CRUSH. He groaned as he felt Yami squirm backwards, accidentally rubbing against Yugis inner thigh during the movement. Yugi whimpered before quickly covering his mouth as his face grew ten times hotter.

”Are you okay Yugi?” Yami asked him and Yugi sighed.

”I—I’m fine Yami, Just—Just afraid of confined spaces. That’s all” Yugi was begging to Ra that Yami believed him. He didn’t want to face the embarrassment of getting aroused due to the forced proximity between them. The box they were in was longer than it was tall. Both of them could somewhat comfortably sit however, Yugi assumed that the box wasn’t tall enough for either of them to properly stand up. At most, maybe standing on the knees (If your back was hunched and in an awkward position.

Yami only responded with a subtle hum of acknowledgment before putting on a stoic face. Yami huffed out a breath as he tried to move himself up, Yamis leg gently rubbed against Yugi’s inner thigh once more. Another yelp forced its way out of Yugi’s mouth and he quickly covered his mouth again. Yami froze as he looked down at Yugi. His ruby eyes staring into Yugi's amethyst ones.

”Yugi? Are you sure you’re okay?” Yami asked him once again and Yugi nodded as he tried to widen the spread of his legs, in an attempt to get away from Yami’s assaulting leg. Though the wall blocked his efforts mostly. Yami frowned as he was able to get his knees planted on the ground, his knee passing Yugi's inner thigh once more as he hunched forward. Yugi felt his once soft cock twitch and tense in his underwear. Making his pants tighten uncomfortably.

”Yami, Stop moving please!” He pleaded with his other half who just stared at him in confusion.

”What’s wrong Yugi?” He asked and Yami felt his face heat up in embarrassment.

”You—“ He started to explain, however his mouth ran dry. He embarrassingly covered his crotch and squinted his eyes shut. He heard Yami whisper a silent “Oh”.

Yugi blushed as he curled in on himself in embarrassment. Yami didn't try to move at all anymore. The forced proximity to Yami makes Yugi's heart race at high speeds. He could feel Yamis breath hit the tip of his red nose and now with Yami looming over him it was even harder to calm the furious beating in his heart. He just wanted Yami to do something to ease his arousal but the part of his brain that wasn’t fully clouded in arousal told him to just hide.

Yami looked at the wall above Yugi’s head and Yugi tried to sneakily adjust himself in his regrettably skin tight pants. The slight pressure he had to apply to the area so he could successfully move the pants caused him to sigh in relief. A bit of that pressure in his groin had released, however, not but a few seconds after the pressure came back ten fold. He groaned uncomfortably as he tried to think about anything that would turn him off. However, mind drew a blank as Yami slightly shifted, trying to get himself into a more comfortable position. Yamis knee brushed even closer to Yugi’s crotch this time which caused Yugi to let out a whine and a moan.

“I’m sorry Yugi, I didn’t, I thought I could—“ Yami was quick to apologize to the flustered male who just groaned. Yugi couldn’t take this, he knew that the staring from earlier today would haunt him. His legs shook from how tense his legs were.

“Aghh, get me out of here Yami, please I can’t be trapped like this!” Yugi didn’t mean for his plea to come out as strained and sexually motivated as it did. Sadly it was too late to change how he spoke. Yami didn’t move as he looked like he was contemplating something.

“I, I can’t move, how am I going to get us out of here?” Yami asked as he stared and Yugi and Yugi groaned.

“God, Yami I don’t care, I just can’t be in this box anymore! Not while I’m feeling um, like this.” Yugi huffed and pushed his back against the wall, trying to provide more space for Yami to move. Yami didn’t move.

“Yugi, are you sure? I could accidentally… um—“ Yamis expression had barely changed. The only difference was a subtle lift of his eyebrows and widening of his eyes.

“Yes, please just, do something.” Again, Yugi didn’t mean to plead in such a sexually motivated way, but he couldn’t help it. It was only mirroring how hot and bothered he was feeling.

Yami nodded silently as he pushed up into the ceiling, trying to push it out of place like you would a manhole cover. The way Yami tensed his leg to push into the ground made Yugi shudder. The muscle of Yamis leg is highlighted by the skin tight jeans. Yugi whined softly as the inappropriate thought of riding Yamis leg shocked his system. His spine tingled as he imagined the gruff voice of Yami demanding him to do things.

He needed Yami so bad right now and he knew he couldn’t ask. He knew he shouldn’t beg the spirit to touch him like the way he imagined. It took all his self control to not just straight up ask Yami. “This is so embarrassing.”

Yami looked at him once more, a small sympathetic smile on his face. “It’s alright Yugi, these things happen in the most inconvenient times. I would never judge you for that.” Yugi softly smiled at Yamis response, still feeling embarrassed but just a little less.

The subtle gruff in Yamis voice set a fire inside of Yugi's veins and with each hesitant movement of Yamis body, Yugi’s resolve slowly ebbed away. Being forced to breathe the same hot air as Yami was like torture to the lust riddled brain. He wanted to feel Yami’s hand touching him and caressing his body. He wanted Yamis Ruby red eyes to dig into his soul and reveal every hidden secret desire.

Oh, screw it.

Yugi grabbed onto Yamis arm which halted Yamis movement. He looked up at Yami with pleading eyes and Yami just stared back at him.

“Please, Yami.” That's all that Yugi could get out as the rest of his words got caught in his throat. Yami didn’t react at first which scared Yugi and it made him think like he just messed up everything. However, not but a few seconds later, Yamis lips met Yugis with urgency and need. That surprised Yugi but he willingly kissed his other half back. That kiss was fueling the fire in his veins as he wrapped his arms around Yamis neck. Yami pushed him against the wall as his arms wrapped around Yugi's waist.

“Yami,” Yugi moaned out his other half’s name as Yami slowly started to kiss down Yugis chin and down to his neck. Licking and biting at Yugis neck as he left a trail of marks down.

“I was waiting for you to ask.” Yami groaned as he bit Yugis lip. Yugi could see the need in Yami’s own eyes.

“Wh–What?” Yami stared into Yugi’s eyes. His ruby red iris’s staring into Yugi's Amethyst purple ones.

“I am not naive or blind Yugi. I’ve seen the way you look at me.” Yami stated and Yugi felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Yami had known that Yugi was staring at him.

“I’m sorry I—“ Yugi started to apologize before Yami stopped him.

“Don’t be embarrassed Aibo, those looks just made me want to ravish you more.” Yugi whined at the choice of words Yami had decided to use. Ra, he was so desperate for the man that he felt pitiful.

“Yami, please!!” He begged his other half and his other half quickly got to work kissing down his neck. He heard the sound of his own belt unclasping as it slowly fell to the side of his body. He gasped when Yami placed a firm palm against his hard on. A shiver of pleasure ran up his spine. The touch relieved enough pressure in his groin for him to relax a little. Then the sound of a zipper fell upon his ears and next thing he knew, Yami had Yugi's cock out. What was once a soft flaccid penis had been turned into one hell of a raging boner. He felt a little embarrassed being exposed to Yami but the smirk on Yamis face washes that embarrassment away.

“You’re so beautiful Yugi,” those words of flattery that came out of Yamis mouth made Yugi's heart warm inside his chest.

“Thank you, you’re pretty beautiful yourself.” The way Yami looked up at him made him groan. Yamis back had arched inwards as he placed his head right beside yugis hard on. He watched as Yami looked back at his cock before licking a stripe up the base of it. Yugi moaned and twitched as a shock pleasure ran up his spine.

One of Yamis hands grabbed the base of his cock before stroking it. Yugi moaned loudly as he gripped onto Yamis shoulder. Yamis lips came down and kissed the tip of his cock before Yamis lips encased the head of his cock with his mouth. Yamis mouth felt warm and wet, Yugi could barely keep his mind grounded with such a simple pleasure.

Lazily Yamis hand stroked him up and down earning a moan each time. Yami hollowed out his mouth as he started to bob his head up and down on Yugi's hard on. Whatever he couldn’t fit into mouth he stroked with his hand.

Yugis mind was begging for more as his legs twitched and his hips bucked into the mouth of his other self. He groaned at every lick and stroke. The way Yamis mouth felt around him made him feel so good. He couldn’t help the guttural moan he let out as he looked down and saw that Yamis eyes were staring up at him. He keeps his eyes locked with his other self, both of them watching eachother. Yugi grabbed his other self’s hair and tugged on it, trying to tell him to stop.

“What’s wrong?” Yami had asked him as he had sat up. He looked concerned and worried, like he had done something wrong.

“What about you? I don’t want to be the only one to get off if you’re hard to?” Yugi answered and he saw a subtle smirk fall upon Yamis features. With quick hands Yami hastily undid his belt and unzipped his zipper. It didn’t take long for Yami to get his cock out of his pants, his cock hadn’t fully hardened yet as it was only at half mast. So yugi diligently grabbed Yamis cock and started to stroke it. Up and down, lazily.

“Hmm” Yami hummed his hips bucked into Yugis hand. Yami looked like he was enjoying the attention and it only made Yugis harder. It didn’t take long for Yamis half mast to stand tall. When hard, Yamis cock got a little thicker and taller than Yugi's cock. They were relatively the same size though, which didn’t surprise Yugi because they in fact shared a body. “Yugi, aibo, can I take over?”

Yami asked him so nicely and his heart had melted in his chest. “Yeah of course you can.” He agreed as he let his hand fall away from Yamis cock. Yami quickly closed the gap between them and kissed him like Yamis life depended on it. He felt Yamis grasp his cock however, he also felt Yamis cock push against his which sent a loud groan to fall out of his mouth mid kiss.

“Yami” he moaned softly and Yami groaned as he wrapped his hand around both of their cocks. Stroking both of them as he thrusted his cock into his hand. Bucking his hips up and against Yugi. Just the idea of Yami doing this to him already had made him get close to his end and with the stroking plus all the sensation he was feeling it didn’t take long for him to crumble.

“You gonna cum, Aibo?” Yami grunted out as his pace quickened. “Cum for me Aibo, cum for me.” At the orders of his other self, he had given into the bliss he felt as he was pushed over the edge. He gripped hard onto Yamis shoulders as he felt the pressure that was inside his groin finally combust and snap. He felt like he was floating as euphoria filled his veins. He came back to reality when he started to feel the searing pain of overstimulation kick in. Yami had still been stroking both of them off and Yugi had become aware of the sticky fluid that coated both of their cocks.

“Yami,” he whined as he arched his back into Yamis chest.Yami stroked them a few more times before grunting as he leaned in and kissed Yugi while squirting that white translucent substance. The sound of muffled breaths filled the small enclosed space. When they finally pulled away from the kiss, Yugi started to feel a small inkling of regret flood his gut. He awkwardly shifted into a slightly more comfortable position.

“What’s wrong Aibo?” Of course Yami had noticed his slightly off put behavior.

“Nothing Yami! Don’t worry.” He answered and Yami gave him a look that told Yugi that Yami didn’t believe a word he had said.

“Is this not what you wanted?” Yami asked and Yugi shook his head dramatically.

“No, Yami, this is exactly what I wanted!!” Yugi was quick to answer, trying to wipe away Yamis worries.

“Then what’s the matter? Did I do something wrong?” Yami asked with worry in his voice.

“No, Yami, nothings wrong.” Yugi answered with a smile and Yami huffed in annoyance.

“Stop lying to me Aibo and tell me what’s wrong.” Yami gave him a soul piercing glare that made Yugis mind stutter.

“What are we now?” He simply asked to which Yami froze. He was ready for Yami to reject him, to say that he simply did this so Yugi would get ahold of himself. He was waiting for that hurtful rejection, however it never came. Instead it was replaced with the soft words that Yami spoke.

“What do you want us to be?” Yami asked him and he stared back into Yamis eyes. His own eyes were wide with shock and surprise. “Do you just want me to help you relax or would you like more of an intimate type of relationship?”

“Umm, well, uhhhh” Yugis brain pretty much blue screened as he tried to think of an answer. “I really want you.”

“Is that so?” Yugi saw the smirk that tugged on Yamis lips. It was a playful and sweet smirk.

“Yes, I just want to be with you, in any way you’ll have me. Yami… you’ve made mistakes and I am still a little upset about it, but I still want you to talk to me and be with me! You mean everything to me, you complete me and you make me feel whole… Yami… I love you.” Yugi hadn’t realized he had started to ramble until his confession of love came out. He felt the way Yami tensed as Yami looked up at him.

“Yugi…” Yami almost whispered out Yugis name and Yugi jumped in his skin. ‘Oh no oh no oh no’, he hadn’t meant to announce his love yet! He didn’t mean to tell Yami, he never wanted to.

“I’m sorry you can forget about that! I don’t know what I’m—“ he was cut off when a heated kiss was planted on his lips. Hasty but full of passion.

“I love you too, Aibo” Yami confessed once they broke apart from the kiss. “That’s why I blocked myself from the link and I hid in my room. I felt like I had failed you and I didn’t wanna make that mistake again. I’m sorry Yugi.” When Yami finished his words Yugi quickly stole a kiss from the other as well.

“Hmm, I wish we could stay cuddled forever, but I think we really need to find a way out of this box. I am starting to get claustrophobic.” Yami gave Yugi such a love filled look that it made Yugis heart beat faster. Oh how he loved his Yami.

Just as Yami was going to move and try to figure something out, a loud rumbling ran through the ground as the top from above them broke into pieces. They both saw the two magicians waiting for them. Dark Magician Girl looked at them wide eyes before giggling and looking away while the Dark Magician just stared off to the side. It was just then that both of them had been revealed to be Pantless and covered in cum. Oh how embarrassing…

Once they were cleaned up and normal again, Yugi apologized to them for what they had witnessed to which both the magicians dismissed it.

“How long were you two trapped down there?” The magician girl asked them and Yugi tried to figure out the length of time in his head.

“Roughly 30 minutes? Give or take.” Yugi responded and the magician girl nodded.

“Well, sorry we couldn’t arrive sooner! We couldn’t get away from the rogue monsters. Speaking of which, did you guys figure out what was wrong with the harmony?” She asked and yugi hummed

“No, why?” Yami had questioned the magician girl in return.

“Well, the rogue monsters came back into harmony! They stopped attacking on their own free will! I thought you guys might’ve fixed the harmony so that’s why we rushed to get you!” The magician girl explained and Yami let out a hum.

“If the monsters are fine for now then we should probably get Yugi back to his body. The others must be worried.” Yami stated simply and Yugi nodded.

—

Back in his room, at last. He was no longer trapped inside a crammed box with his best friend, now lover. Yami had unblocked their bond and Yugi could feel Yamis emotions once more which made Yugi feel less alone. He felt the feelings of Remorse and sorrow, but he also felt the strong emotion of Love. Something Yugi felt the same for Yami.

When he got back to his body, he noticed he had quite the few spammed messages from his friends wondering if he was all right. To which he responded hours later that he was fine and had just taken a nap. He was laying down on his bed, his eyes closed as he thought about everything that had happened today. Trying to process all the thoughts that were swarming his head.

That's when he felt the ghostly presence of his companion and Lover. He looked over to his left and saw Yami laying down on his side, right next to Yugi.

“Hello Yami!” Yugi greeted as he turned his body onto his side. He smiled as he saw Yamis soft smile.

“Hello Aibo,” Yami greeted back and Yugi smiled once more.

“Did Dark Magician Girl tell you how the harmony was fixed?” Yugi asked his other self and his other self hummed.

“We speculated but there was nothing definitive.” Yami answered and Yugi nodded. Yugi wished that Yami was a physical being so he could hold Yami in his arms. His emotions were met with the loving and caring emotions from Yamis side of the bond.

“What’s the main theory?” Yugi asked Yami and Yami smirked.

“We were imbalanced. Because of my greed I had thrown us out of balance which sent the monsters into a rogue state. But, when we finally talked about it, the harmony was restored.” Yami explained and Yugi just nodded along.

“That kind of makes sense!” Yami huffed out a laugh at Yugis response.

“Whatever caused the imbalance, I’m glad it’s over.” Yami kisses Yugi on the forehead, a smile on his lips.

“I love you, other me.” Yugi whispered to the other as the moonlight filtered through his bedroom door.

“I love you too, Aibo” Yami had wrapped his ghostly arms around Yugi as they snuggled into each other. They were deeply happy with eachother and maybe, just maybe, they could live happily ever after.

—

There was a huff of laughter that awoke Yugi from his slumber. Yugi found himself laying on his soul room bed. With hesitation he got off of his comfortable mattress and slowly started to walk to his door. He peeked his head outside the door and saw nobody. At least, at first he saw nobody. However, he noticed the movement of someone walking down a hall that was previously not there.

He really shouldn’t explore, not without Yami. Especially when someone could have infiltrated their soul. But, he couldn’t just sit and do nothing. So, he followed the figure down into the hallway. He noticed that the spirit had disappeared in front of him.

And then…

He was out.

[dalishborne]

ok a LIL emotional (nothing bad!) but i wanted to put out some thoughts i have on my past anxiety and roleplaying:

out of sheer curiosity i searched up the name of my old roleplay blog and it's still there. i thought i deleted it, but i guess not. i think the last time i used that blog was 2 years ago before i ghosted it, and i distinctly remember ghosting because i was so wracked with anxiety around the quality of my writing, character, and just feeling so inferior to everyone else in the rpc.

i tend to do this a lot, where i google an old blog or account i had to torture myself with the anxiety i have associated with that point in my life. i know, it's dumb, i talked to my therapist and she says it's human lol. but the thing is, when i scrolled through that old blog, i was surprised to see how much fun i was having back then. the community was a lot more active, so there were more interactions being had, but i found myself pleasantly looking back at old headcanons (about my character and the universe she was in), seeing tons of appreciation from rp partners (many of whom i didnt end up writing with because i was so scared), seeing how head over heels in love i was with my character and how much i wanted to flesh her out. my writing may have been a little shoddy and i still struggle with coming up with a strong sense of personality in characters, but i wasn't as terrible as i thought i was back then.

it breaks my heart a little because i remember how hard i was on myself. i used to think everyone secretly hated me and thought my oc was stupid. i was terrified of accidentally creating a mary-sue. i couldn't message people without genuinely wanting to throw up. all the fun ended up being overshadowed by the sheer amount of stress i put myself under.

years later i've sought out therapy for anxiety and other things, but now that i've done (and am currently doing) the work around that, i can see the difference in how comfortable i feel just being here, talking to muns, asking to write together, talking about revie without feeling like nothing i'm saying is making sense. of course, i do still have some worries, but i have the tools to understand what makes me feel bad and what to do about it.

i wish i felt this way back then, because i was in the midst of such a robust and welcoming community that would have been so much fun to really immerse myself in if i wasn't so dreadfully hard on myself. and it makes me think about all the other opportunities i lost out on just because i was convinced that i wasn't worthy of existing in that space.

anyway, a part of me wants to bring that oc back to give her a second chance. but maybe i'll wait until i settle in with revie, or make a multi-muse.

all that to say, i'm so proud of the progress i've made, even if i'm still sad for past-me who deserved better.

[nightmare-dreamt]

HELLO MOOTIE!! I AM SENDING A MATCHUP REQUEST FOR MY NEW OC I MADE THE PAST COUPLE DAYS—! Also I do gotta say that I rlly do enjoy your work and keep going! you make a lot of people happy, i can tell but anyways I’ll do a romantic matchup for Akudama Drive, Danganronpa and Monster High!! here we go—!

Name: Anonymous (yes that’s her name)

Age: UNKNOWN

Sex: Woman but shes not real, she sounds like a robot but her form is unknown to all

Pronouns and Sexuality: She/Them, Bisexual and Asexual

Powers: she has a lot of powers that can affect human which the powers are listed in this link here

Fun fact: she is made by Joey (me LOLOL so she acts like him but theres some things off and also he’s like her best friend/brother so he’s there to protect her and she’s there to protect him so there siblings who are there for each other)

Personality: Well, she is a ENTP but mostly all the time shes Introverted and barely talks, when people ask her questions like “what are some of your hobbies?” or “what do you like to eat” she’ll replay “ないです。人間じゃないので” which translates “Nothing. Because i'm not human.”, but when she warms up to someone she can love or just be comfortable around with then she will show a little bit of emotion but not much, she doesnt show any emotions shes just neutral, she stays away from people a lot because she doesnt wanna try to converse with people but if it's needed then she’ll talk, since she is a robot shes basically really intelligent in everything, shes a very anxious person and she does care a ton for the people around her she loves but doesnt show it--!, shes also like a mother she knows how to comfort people and talk with them, so shes like the therapist mom! Oh and one last thing shes very great in combat she has hand guns with her just in case for incidence for whatever it may be but may not use it a lot since she has powers and she also has a lower monotone robotic voice like miku.

Apperance: she has long, messy and uneven warm grey ponytails that fall down to her knees that have a darker gray coat at the very bottom of her ponytails, they are held up by their white bows while the other bow is uneven on her right side, she has heterochromia so her right eye is a turquoise and the other is a pink one, her eyes also change color when she has a mood like red is upset, yellow is happy, baby blue is sad, etc, She wears a white, long-sleeved collared blouse with buttons that go all the way down to the bottom, with 3 buttons unbuttoned at the end to reveal a petticoat. The dress is thigh length and turns gray towards the bottom, either by design or from dirt. Around her neck she wears a thin red bow and her nails are painted turquoise. She wears a black harness across her chest. On her right leg, she wears a dark grey sock with no shoe, and her left leg and foot is left bare and she also wears some gothic clothing from their creator which is a long black dress with a black headband that has a little veil with a black rose and gold trimmings on the dress. (Also this is the inspiration and yes this is her apperance off of her bc it’s amazing and I could t progress anything else

Likes: we know that there were no listed hobbies but she does enjoy singing but she also likes to spend her time in more quiet places like a library and maybe she’ll watch a show or read a book, but she mostly likes to sing and sleep

Dislikes: she has no dislikes, like at all, and alos no discomforts either.

THANJ YOU!!!

Matchup For Anonymous! An Oc Created By Joey!

Akudama Drive: Doctor

When first meeting her, she wasn't much of a talker or a friendly person and neither were you and that's what made you catch her attention. You were different from the others in the group, you talked when it was necessary and you didn't need any saving, always being able to protect yourself. She also doesn't hate that you're a robot and thinks that you're better than all of the others who stand around and waste her air.

Danganronpa: Nagito Komaeda

He made the mistake of trying to playfully attack you and that backfired with him being tossed onto the ground with the air knocked out of him. You immediately apologized, not realizing it was him and helped him from the now prominent bruise forming on his back.

When the two of you are alone, he'll ask for you to sing to him saying that it helps him calm down. He definitely has a recording of you singing and when he can't sleep he'll use the recording to help him drift off thinking that it's a melody from a goddess.

Monster High: Robecca Steam

There's times when Robecca remembers that she's the only one left of her family and that she'll never be able to hold her father like the two did when they were younger. You make sure to be there for her when she gets those thoughts and comforts her, telling her that you're here for her and that you're not leaving anytime soon.

Library dates are a must for the two of you, especially when Robecca needs to find pieces for one of her projects or when the two of you have to study for an upcoming test or quiz. When the two of you agree that a break is needed, the two of you read a book having a book club just with the two of you, (Don't tell anyone, but it's not really a bookclub and instead the two of you cuddle up close to each other)

[mjrino]

Since Ao3 is down, I thought I'd post the single fanfic that I'd posted there. Basically, it's a ToH fic that I wrote immediately after Hollow Mind - basically one of the many Hunter fics which were posted after it. It's pretty cliché, but I thought I'd share it.

Tags (from what I remember): Hunter & Darius, Hunter & Raine, Hunter & Eberwolf, Flapjack & Hunter, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Hollow Mind.

This was written a while ago, so it isn't as good as my current writing.

Edit: In light of ao3 being back up, here's the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38601936

As soon as Hunter got his head around what happened, he knew he couldn’t go back. It didn’t take that long, he’d always been smart.

(That’s what his - Belos said, anyway.)

But the castle was his home, it had always been. His few things were there, most of the people he considered as friends were there. He had never known another home. But he couldn't go back. He would never be able to go back. His breathing sped up and his heart raced as he tried to put his thoughts into words.

So what could he do, then? Stay in the infamous Owl House? Maybe, but it would rely on them letting him. Sure, Luz had offered before, but he could never take anything that had been said at face value. Not even from Belos.

He’d thought he could, once. Now he knew better.

Hunter also hated the way they looked at him, like some stray palisman, pity in their eyes.

But what he hated even more was that he was deserving of it. Here he was, some - what was it that Belos had called him? - grimwalker, which was only made to serve him and be destroyed when he wanted to think for himself.

It was too much. It was all too much. He needed some air. His cloak felt heavy, the material too much against his skin. It felt like it was choking him, a symbol of what he was created to do.

He’d fled the house, and nobody tried to stop him, really. Luz chased after, but stopped. The Owl Lady and her… cat didn’t know what had happened, and as such were confused, and the bird tube was distracted.

So Hunter ran. He ran into the forest, far away from the stifling air of the Owl House, and the danger of the castle. There was one problem, though. He was injured.

He’d gotten it while escaping the grasps of the Emperor's subconscious, that horrible place which he had been pulled into.

He escaped, in time to save the Human, but at the cost of a blow to the abdomen. Light, by his standards, but still there.

It hurt every time he took a rapid gasp of air, and at every panicked movement he made. It would bruise for sure, and he didn’t have anything to help with that. He couldn't even make ice, because his mind was too messed up to do magic and his hands shook too much whenever he tried stopping to draw a glyph and they wouldn’t stop-

Hunter leaned against a tree, and found himself with too little energy to do anything other than sit, using it for balance. He finally managed to compute what the Owl Lady - Eda, had said earlier.

Breath.

So Hunter tried. He tried to slow his breathing and think. But it wasn’t that simple, because thinking meant coming to terms with the fact that he was made, he was a grimwalker and would never be a witch-

Tears started leaking out of his eyes, tears which he wasn’t able to stop. He’d grabbed his hair so tight it hurt, at some point. His breathing was coming in fitful breaths, the opposite of what he had previously tried to do. He could feel and hear everything, every dent in the bark, every sound a demon or animal made, every stitch of his clothing. And something unexpected; the flapping of wings.

Flapjack flew into Hunter’s blurry vision. They sat on Hunter’s shoulder, nuzzling into his cheek (right where the scar was). Breath, they reminded him, and Hunter slowly found his breathing evening out.

Then, at the sound of footsteps, all that progress was undone.

Hunter scrambled to his feet, eyes darting as he located the source of the noise. Sure enough, there were the figures who were planning on invading the Emperor’s mind earlier. By the looks of it, they hadn’t spotted him.

Are they here to kill me? What will they do? I have Flapjack, and physical prowess, but I won’t stand a chance. I’ve lost battles in better positions. As Hunter thought, his mind automatically went to analysing the situation and his chances of survival. It grew more and more hopeless as he weighed his odds, and found them far from in his favour.

A voice snapped him out of his thoughts. The people had spotted him. He was probably going to die, but his one comfort - if one could even call it that - would be that it wouldn’t be at Belos’ hands, as his predecessors’ deaths were.

“Hunter? Calm down, it’s just me.” Said a strangely familiar voice. Hunter realised it was the first time he’d heard one of the cloaked witches speak. He gasped softly as the figure lowered their hood, trying to regain control over his breath.

“Dar - Darius?” Hunter exclaimed with a wavering voice, not daring to say more. Was Darius actually committing treaso- working against the emperor, or was it a front? It was better to wait, and Hunter couldn’t trust himself to speak yet.

“Yes, yes, it’s me, little prince. What happened to you? You look like a mess. Ugh, have you been sitting on the ground?” Darius said. Hunter still didn’t know what side he was on. Hunter looked up.

“In all seriousness, what happened? You show up, out of nowhere, and then I find out you’re in the Emperor’ mi-” Darius said, processing the tears on Hunter’s face.

Hunter swallowed, cutting him off. “Well, uh, after you left, I did accidentally enter Belo- the Empero- that place. It was, uh-” Hunter started to say, then stopped before he could finish the sentence. He didn’t, couldn’t describe what had happened. His breathing quickened again. Darius put his hand on Hunter’s shoulder, but it was just like Belos used to do, before he’d give an indirect warning. Hunter jerked back. Flapjack let out a small tweet.

Another rustling sound rang out.

“Darius? Where did you go? We were supposed to stick togeth- oh.” Another cloaked figure stepped out, the bard one who’d played the recorder. They rushed forward, their hood falling to reveal the Bard Coven Head, Raine.

“Darius, is that the Golden Guard? What are you doing-”

Hunter cut Raine off, “N-no, no I’m not the Gol- him anymore, I can’t, I just-” Hunter managed to stutter out. Raine’s face flashed in understanding. They took a step back.

“Darius, what exactly happened?” Raine said, their voice betraying urgency.

“Ugh, I don’t know, maybe the tyrant’s mind that he was trapped in!?” Darius replied. Wait. Was that the ‘Angry Blonde Kid’? Darius walked over to Raine.

“What do you want me to do? You know I’m not good with people!” Raine hissed. It was obvious that they were trying to be discreet, but Hunter couldn’t bring himself to care. He was still by the tree, breath catching and tears still leaking out of his eyes despite how much he’d tried to stop them.

Raine seemed to notice. “Um, ok, so I’m not very good at this, but I want you to try and breathe with me. In, hold, out…”

Hunter, following Raine’s instructions, found that it helped. He managed to regain control of his breathing (and his tears).

Suddenly, the third of the cloaked figures revealed themself. Their hood was already down, and there was- Eberwolf? Were all of the coven heads treasonous?

“Oh, finally, Eber, where were you?” Darius said. Eberwolf let out a series of sounds, which somehow Darius interpreted. Hunter still didn’t know how he did that. So did Flapjack, apparently, because they also gave some tweets, trills, and chirps in quick succession.

Eberwolf, apparently able to understand this, sat tentatively on Hunter’s lap. Huh. He didn’t remember sitting down. The contact felt grounding, and for the first time since seeing the masks of the dead Golden Guards, he felt completely in control.

Raine crouched beside him, while Darius looked on from where he was standing.

“Are you, uh, ok with saying what happened?” They asked, quietly. Hunter didn’t know how to respond. Technically, he could recall and state the events, but it might send him into a panic again.

“I don’t know yet. It - it was a lot.” Hunter said. His voice was steadier now, but still wavered every now and then.

“Ok. I, uh, just realised I don’t know your name. What is it?” Raine replied. Right, name. Hunter could do that.

“My name’s Hunter.” He said. Darius, Raine, and Eberwolf all looked at him. Hunter averted his gaze.

Darius blinked. “Wait, didn’t one of the children you tried to recruit call you Caleb?” He asked.

“Code name.” Hunter replied.

“I see. Anyway, can you stand? The boiling rain’s about to come in, and I don’t want to ruin my cloak.” Darius said, a small smile playing up on his face.

Raine seemed to realise something. “Hunter, do you have anywhere to go? We don’t want you to get caught in the boiling rain.” Hunter weighed his options. He could probably go with the coven heads, but only Darius didn’t live at the castle, and his house didn’t have the security to protect him from Belos.

The Owl Lady’s house did, however. And while he couldn’t trust anymore, Luz had never lied to him. Not yet, anyway.

“Uh, I think I can stand, and I might be able to stay at the Owl Lady’s house.” Hunter’s voice was getting progressively less shaky.

He didn’t miss the look that Raine gave Darius, or the pointed stare they received in return. Raine sighed. “Ok, but we’ll come with you, just in case.” Hunter stood up. His legs were shaking slightly, and at some point his injury had stopped hurting. Guess it wasn’t as big a deal as I thought. I really am weak.

They started to walk.

Darius decided to take the risk. “What happened in there? You don’t have to give any details, but I’d like to know.” The edge of his voice was gone now. Hunter managed to keep walking.

“We- There were- the other Golden Guards, they were all…” Hunter said, unsure of how to say exactly what he wanted to convey. “They were all clones. And- and when they would betray Belos, he would…” Hunter’s voice trailed off.

Darius’ eyebrows shot up in surprise. “So that’s why…” He muttered. “I see. If you can, is there anything else that happened?”

Hunter swallowed. “Uh, yes. The sigils- the coven marks, they…”

“...drain you of your magic.” Raine finished. But that wasn’t what Hunter wanted to say.

“No, no, it’s not that, they were made to-” Hunter’s voice dropped down to a whisper. “To kill people”

Eberwolf growled, Raine gasped, and Darius said nothing, but his face betrayed surprise.

“So what do we do?” Raine asked.

“I… don’t know.”

_______________________

And that's the fic! Hope you enjoyed. Little bit of trivia: this was originally supposed to be a longfic, but I gave up on it. Maybe I'll revisit it later, who knows. Anyway, thank you so much to all of the Ao3 volunteers who not only keep Ao3 running for free, but are also combating the DDOD attacks! Ao3 has been a staple in my life for so long, and I didn't even realise until it was gone.

[sleeplessinpnw]

It's been awhile since I last posted. Thought I would make a life update post.

The summer is finally creeping up on us. It's May now and the warm weather is in full play. I'm so happy!! In a different place these days. Well... kind of. Until I'm put into a stressful situation. But for the most part, my depression has been a little less intense and I'm just feeling.... good. In a good mood today.

Going to St. Croix for my birthday in June and for aunt Barbaras memorial. I didn't know her very well, but I feel happy to be able to be with family during the occasion. About to meet a lot of cousins! I hope I will be able to remember names. Been trying to budget shopping for clothes to go. It hit me last night that I have tons of tees and some tank tops. I guess I mostly need comfortable bottoms and shorts to wear. GAINED WEIGHT!! Nothing old fits anymore. Going to hold onto some things though just in case my weight comes off. With my lifestyle habits, I have no idea when that will be happening. Just ordered a jump rope in hopes to at least get some cardio in since I hate running. Going to the store later today in hopes of getting healthier food. I do nooootttt know how to eat healthy apparently. I eat a lot of quesadillas and carbs so.... Going to try and cut back and eat salads. I don't even think my salads are healthy lol but better than canned food and mac n cheese.

I started vaping and 80 bucks later, I think it's time to quit. Obviously that's the smartest idea. Idk.... I'm trying not to smoke weed anymore and it gets hard when I'm use to smoking everyday. So whyyyyy a vape?? Nicotine is worse but it doesnt trigger the voices I hear. Weed does. I need to learn how to be sober and happy. I just.... get bored?? I'm awful!! Lol

Work is on hold for right now. I've been on break for now 2 and a half weeks. Still have money in my account but obviously that isn't going to last forever. Just trying to keep myself in a steady mood while I'm back to doing nothing. At least the sun is out. I can sit in the backyard and take in my surroundings. Trying not to drink at the moment as much because of my weight. But I dont need to always drink in the sun, it just makes it fun. Go figure. Anyway, I need to start applying for jobs again. I've been holding off because 1) I'm suppose to hear back from Sol for when they need more help again 2) St Croix is in two weeks and I feel like it would be hard to start a new position and then leave for a week 3) I'm still going to try and get a job with Premier Press and Q told me to wait and apply the end of June, beginning of July.

Therapy has been going well. I enjoy my sessions for the most part with my therapist. She's very sweet and I think I have made large progress since first starting. August is going to be a very large moment for me because it will mark the 1 year anniversary since being hospitalized. I told my mom that it's important to me. I want to celebrate some how. August will never be the same for me. I still have things that I need to clean out of my room from my voodoo craze. I should do that today.... it would feel good. It's hard looking at the mess in the corner of my room but once it's gone I think that I wil feel better. I really did some damage on my belongings and Ashley's. I will never fully recover from my actions. Scars. But I am working on moving forward everyday. I went to Mackenzies bridal shower yesterday and being in that community was SO HARD. I made it though. It's just weird being around parts of her world because the voices weirdly attached to it and it's humiliating to be around her. She was beyond sweet to me though and it felt good celebrating her for the evening.

Well.... thats kind of all the update I have. I'm going to try and check in with myself here more regularly. Cheers to bettering my mental well being, being strong and powering through all of this and getting better. I got this! Life keeps going on and is too short to keep beating myself up. Lot's of self love (minus the vaping BS).