#anyway whatever the reason i'm tired of being yelled at about it

[minwilder]

hugely sick and tired of my family assuming that i'm always miserable and treating me as such. like maybe if you didn't constantly ask me what was wrong with me i wouldn't be so fucking annoyed all the time

[americankimchi]

god i wish they hadn't retconned maul's death. i get wanting to explore more of his character because he was, objectively, one of the coolest star wars characters to ever hit the big screen and didn't get much screentime prior to his death, but also his role was fulfilled perfectly within those constraints so i wasn't too upset by it.

but by retconning it and making it so he never died it's like. okay. what now? the whole point (well, to me, ymmv of course) of the theed generator fight was that it was the first ever fight between the jedi and the sith in thousands of years, and that in the end even though the jedi (obi-wan) won the fight, a jedi (qui-gon) and a sith (maul) still died. a master and an apprentice dying together to herald the start of a new age/the return of the sith. perfectly paralleling the way in rotj a master (palps) and an apprentice (anakin/vader) died together to herald the return of the jedi. in both instances, a father figure (qui-gon/vader) dies in the arms of their son (obi-wan/luke) as a sith (palps/maul) is cast down into the abyss to their deaths. (palps being alive in the ST and retconning his death in rotj is also annoying for this reason)

i mean i like maul. don't get me wrong. he's an incredibly compelling character and i enjoy seeing more of him... but there's always the thought hovering in my mind like "he should be dead though. he should 100% be dead. this wouldn't be happening if he was dead, but i honestly would rather it not if it meant that maul was dead."

like the tpm fight just doesn't hit the same knowing that canonically he's just. going to become a robot octopus at some point. (shoutout to palps becoming sith glados in the ST) it cheapens the moment for me. it was supposed to be a moment of triumph marred by the deep and soul-crushing loss of a loved one and it's just... not, anymore. or at least not to the same extent. AUGH i'm just. frustrated. wish star wars as a whole wasn't constantly reframing/retconning what's been established. just puts a bad taste in my mouth.

[philosophicallie]

my vitriolic hate for the parentals only grows btw. everything i overhear is in fact a big fat negative in our relationship

[666writingcafe]

New Voice Messages (Part Three)

Lucifer

"Hey. I know it's late and you're probably asleep, so you don't have to respond to this right away. I should be asleep, but I keep tossing and turning whenever I try, so I gave up on that hours ago. I'm currently sitting on the rooftop, looking up at the night sky. Well, and recording this message, but that's self-explanatory, I feel. *sighs* Don't mind my rambling. I'm both incredibly tired and slightly tipsy. I finally got around to trying the bottle of Demonus that Diavolo gave us as a housewarming gift, and it's pretty decent. I had a couple glasses of it before coming up here, thinking that it'd help put me to sleep. Obviously, it hasn't, but it was worth trying, I suppose. I at least feel like I can respond to your note without choking on my words or banging my head in frustration. *briefly pauses* Given the way you signed off on it, I'm going to assume that you trust me enough to not abuse your old name. That's also why I'm outside. Less likely to be overheard using it by my brothers. If that's okay with you. If it's not, feel free to tell me off for it the next time we meet. So, MC. *pauses again before lightly singing MC's name* Have I ever told you it's a pretty name? Saying it is comforting somehow. *clears his throat* Sorry. Like I said, I'm a bit drunk."

"Feeling more in control now. Might still ramble a bit, but hopefully not as much as before. *takes a deep breath* The first time I read your note, I ended up crying. Not because you said something wrong, but because it was...sweet? Is that the word I'm looking for? *briefly pauses as a gust of wind gets picked up on the mic* It'll have to do for now, I guess. Anyway...it's interesting how you and Diavolo said more or less the same thing, and yet I'm more inclined to listen to you than I am to him. Perhaps it's the difference in tone? I could definitely tell that he was getting frustrated with me towards the end of our phone call. I know there's a part of him that sees me as a really shiny toy, one that he's quite territorial over. If I were to leave his side, he'd throw a massive fit, I'd imagine, and he might start a war over it. Which is silly. I'm not worth fighting over. *pauses* And yet everyone seems to for some reason. It's like I cause people to lose their minds. I don't know if it's due to the amount of titles and prestige I've had or my physical appearance or something else entirely, but they seem to all go into hysteria after spending any significant amount of time with me. Except for you, MC. You don't care about Lucifer Morningstar, former Lightbringer, Avatar of Pride, yadda yadda yadda. You simply see me as me, if that makes sense. You want to make sure that I'm okay, and you don't expect anything in return. It's a way of repaying back the kindness bestowed upon you in your situation, I suppose. And it'd be cruel of me to ignore all of that and still plunge to my death. So I'm staying. *pauses* You're right. This does feel weird. You better make good on your promise, MC, or I may end up changing my mind again. *chuckles* Don't take that last part too seriously. I'm merely messing with you a bit."

"You know, I wonder what my brothers are thinking about this...offer being made to us. I already know Mammon and Beel would stay, and Belphie's going to do whatever Beel does, but I'm not sure about Levi and Asmo. I mean, you were there when Asmo was yelling at me about leaving the Celestial Realm. Do you think he's eagerly packing his bags as we speak, or--"

A Few Hours Later

"Sorry about the abrupt ending of my last message. Mammon caught me on the rooftop. We ended up talking for a while. *pauses* The two of us have an interesting relationship. Kinda similar to the one I have with Satan. Mammon's sort of my brother and sort of my son, except he didn't spring out of me like Satan did. He's the first angel I felt the need to protect. Everyone else was prepared to throw him away, even though he was merely a child. I couldn't sit back and let them treat him like that, especially not after I held him in my arms as he was crying. He was around the Chihuahua's age when that happened. *clears his throat* I apologize. I know you don't like me calling Luke a chihuahua. I really am trying not to. *pauses* So yeah. Satan's technically the third oldest, since he came into existence in my mind shortly after I took Mammon under my wing. Levi came into the picture when Mammon was a teenager, and the others when he was just becoming a fully-grown angel. *pauses again* It was actually Mammon that insisted that we take care of them, and he was so earnest about it that I couldn't say no. I mean, the fact that he was willing to do for others what I've done for him...I was quite proud of him. Still am, even though he insists on putting on a persona these days. I know deep down, he still cares about everyone. *pauses yet again* Is it weird that I feel comfortable sharing all of this with you, MC? It might be the alcohol still affecting me, but somehow I don't think it is. I...I think I've come to trust you. Completely. I haven't even gotten there with Diavolo yet, and I've known him a lot longer. *chuckles* You truly are special, little lamb. *silence* Shit. That wasn't supposed to be said out loud. I better go before I start calling you more silly nicknames. Good night, MC."

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr, @tenkobitch, @interconnectedmatrix

[magniloquent-raven]

its midnight and im sleeby but i finished this thing i started scribbling out this afternoon based on @harringroveera 's post that i couldnt get outta my brain

i think i might have angsted it up a little cuz i can't help myself but its still cute so. pls enjoy

--

Billy's not super clear on where he is right now.

There are people everywhere. Yelling. Laughing. Music plays over a big fancy sound system. There's a blurry blue light glowing through glass sliding doors that he's been staring at for a little while 'cause it's…pretty. Twinkly and stuff. 

He's too many drinks past a good buzz, that much he's sure of. His head feels. Floaty. And heavy. And if he tries to move the room starts to spin. 

Whatever he's sitting on is comfy though. Soft. Softer than his damn mattress with that broken spring that's always stabbing him in the ribs. 

He's tired. Really tired.

Feels like he hasn't slept in months.

To his left a girl starts squealing as her boyfriend grabs her around the waist, to his right a speaker vibrates against the wall, buzzing to the beat of a deep bassline. Everything sounds far away, though. White noise blending together while the edges of his vision go fuzzy and faded.

He feels his head tip, just a little, and then—

With a sharp inhale he jolts, blinks, glancing around blearily at a silent, empty room.

It's still dark out. The blue glow still shimmers at him through glass. A lamp lights the room he's in. Everything's…shapes. Colours. His brain is still mushy.

He blinks a couple more times. His eyes are dry. Wobbly. All the shapes are wobbly.

"Hey, man, party's over." A voice startles him. He tries to look around, but it fucking hurts, and moving his head is so much work. Whatever, it's a nice voice. Way nicer than the jarring silence. 

Wait, why's the party over. He doesn't want the party to be over.

He wrinkles his nose. "Nooo…" 

"...Yeessss." There's a pause. "Everyone is gone, dude."

"No." Billy rubs his eyes. The chair is still so comfy. He sinks further into it, unwilling to move. "You're here."

"It's my house. I'm allowed to stay." The voice sounds amused. There's some rustling behind Billy. Plastic crinkling. Maybe. Something being moved around. "Why are you even here, anyways?" 

Hazy memories jumble together. A flask of vodka in his pocket, slipped under itchy robes. Sitting two heads away from Steve Harrington, sneaking glances between barely concealed shots. A droning speech. Another droning speech. Neil's solemn face in a crowd, watching him walk across the stage to shake hands with…the guy. The. Whatever.  

Some girl digging her talons into his arm after he slipped away from Neil's attempts to maintain a public image by acting like he gave a shit about his son's accomplishments. Beer and cheap tequila and shitty music blurring into each other as he gets dragged around like a trophy dangling off the elbow of whichever nameless girl claimed him for the night.

"Graduated," he says, picking at a sticky spot on the thigh of his jeans. Pinching the fabric isn't doing anything but he can't stop prodding. 

"Yeah, I know, with honors. Congrats." There's a huff. A silence. "Doesn't explain why you're here though." Footsteps, sneakers on linoleum, tap tap tap, meandering around whatever room is at his back. Glass bottles getting moved around. It's sort of soothing to listen to someone move around their house without any reason to be keeping track of their movements.

Well, unless…

Billy's stomach flips, and his chest goes tight. "You're not gonna kick me out are you?" he asks, his voice small. He feels sick, saying it. Thinking about it. He doesn't want to be anywhere else. This house smells sweet under the stink of spilled beer and leftover perfume. And he likes this chair.

The movement behind him stops for a second. "...Nnno?"

He breathes. Relaxing into velvety upholstery. "'Kay." 

"You sure you don't have anywhere to be? Family waiting up? Girlfriend expecting a midnight rendezvous?" 

Billy snorts. "No one gives a shit where I am." 

Neil will care tomorrow when Billy makes him look bad by pulling up hungover and in yesterday's clothes, but that's a problem for tomorrow. He won't be waiting up for him, worrying about Billy's safety or whatever.

A glass bottle clinks against something. "What about your sister?"

"Pfff…" He snickers, and gives his head a tiny shake. The movement makes everything spinny for a second and he has to pause to swallow bile. The sour taste on his tongue feels appropriate. And gross. "I fucked up. Everything. Beat the shit outta her friend. She's prolly hoping I don' come home at all. Ever."

Another glass bottle gets set down, slower this time. Carefully. "...This friend of hers…"

"Steve," Billy sighs. His eyes fall shut and he leans back into a cushioned headrest. His insides do the stupid fluttery thing they always do when he thinks about Steve. Steve and his stupid kissable face. 

"It was pretty dumb of him to pick a fight with you, huh," the voice says wryly. 

"Mnh…I guess." There's a soft snort behind him. But something prickles at Billy. Guilt, maybe. It's uncomfortable. He chews his lip as his eyes start to burn. "Nah. No. Whole thing was my fault. All my fault. S'always my fault." 

Saying it doesn't make it feel better.

"What do you mean?" There's sounds anymore. Just the voice, and Billy's heartbeat in his ears.

"It's…" Billy swipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. "It's a secret."

"I'm good at keeping those."

"You can't tell him."

"...I definitely will not tell him."

Billy hums. "He's real pretty, y'know."

"So I've been told, but what—"

"No, he's…he's so pretty. Like, I can't believe it sometimes, and I just wanna. Do something about it. All the time. But it hurts. Hurts so bad, and it's not supposed to, so I had to—I had to…I just got so mad. And I had to prove I didn't wanna kiss him, but I do. 'Cause I like him so much. Too much."

The silence is back. Ringing in Billy's ears. He sniffles quietly. 

"Oh…" 

"Please don't tell him. Or anyone."

"Billy…"

"Promise."

There's a strained pause. Billy fidgets, his insides twisting into knots. 

"I promise." The voice is so gentle, and it makes Billy's eyes sting again. He blinks away tears and listens to more bottles being moved. Plastic cups hitting plastic bags. Sneakers against linoleum, and hardwood, and carpet. And after a while, "You're not gonna spend all night in the chair, are you?"

"You said—"

"I'm not kicking you out, I just meant. There's a guest bed, man," 

"Oh."

**

Sunlight hits Billy directly in the face and he rolls over, groaning. 

The motion makes his stomach lurch, but he buries his face in…pillowcase. Unfamiliar pillowcase. Smells like honeysuckle and clean air and it's softer than any bedding he's ever touched. 

His legs are tangled in sheets just as sweet-smelling and finely woven, and his guts give another heave as he realizes he's only wearing briefs. 

Did…did he fuck someone last night?

He was definitely drunk enough to do something that stupid, if the cottonmouth and pounding headache are any indication, but he doesn't fucking remember. Which would normally be a blessing, except he usually doesn't stay the goddamn night. 

Is he going to have some girl hanging all over him for the first couple weeks of summer? Until he can figure out how to ditch her without making it look like he's too eager to.

Or maybe he'll stick around for a little while, this bed is actually ridiculous. He might be able to fake his way through one shitty summer fling if it means sleeping like a goddamn king. There are like, five pillows, and it feels like he's laying on a cloud. 

He nuzzles deeper into the pillowcase. Smells nice too.

His memories of the previous day mostly stop around Tammy Whatsherface dragging him away for a graduation afterparty. Maybe he shouldn't have started drinking at noon. 

Christ, he's not even sure how he got here, or where his car is. 

Or where here is.

It's one of the Loch Nora houses, probably. Nowhere else would have sheets like this.

Eventually he drags himself, reluctantly, out of bed. And immediately tastes bile.

Which is. Bad. 

Being upright is bad. 

And he doesn't know where the nearest toilet is. Which could be extremely bad. Girls whose carpets you puke on don't invite you back to sleep in their nice guest rooms.

So, he's very slow and careful about pulling his jeans on. And he makes sure to pause when he starts to feel clammy, sitting on the floor to stop his head spinning. 

It takes him forever to get mostly dressed, jeans and an undershirt are enough. He can't find his button-up and socks require too much bending down, which his dehydrated brain does not appreciate. 

Peeking out into the nondescript hall doesn't provide any more answers about whose house this is. It's all shiny boring expensive decor and not a single person in sight.

Oh, looks like there's a bathroom at the end of the hallway though, good. 

He beelines for the sweet promise of a place to piss and rinse out his mouth, shuffling past a couple closed doors, listening for any signs of life and hearing nothing, until he shoulders his way into the bathroom and freezes in his tracks, because—

"Hey, uh. You're awake." Steve Harrington blinks at him, standing in front of a plain oval mirror, hairbrush in hand. Which he obviously hasn't used yet, because the bedhead he's sporting is kind of hilarious. It's all fluff in every direction. Billy wants to run his hands through it. 

Worse, though, is the fact that he's bare chested, wearing an unzipped hoodie and soft plaid pants, with all that fucking chest hair, and he's looking at Billy with a curious expression that isn't remotely like any way he's ever looked at Billy before and this is…all very, very strange.

So, obviously Billy's theory about what happened last night was wrong. He's not even back to square one, he has less than no idea what the fuck is happening.

"...Yes," Billy responds after a beat too long. 

Great.

Fantastic.

Very smooth.

The corner of Steve's mouth twitches. There's something soft and warm about the amusement twinkling in his eyes and it's making Billy itch. 

"I think I'm gonna puke."

Steve snorts, and drops his hairbrush on the vanity. "Right, I'll get out of your way then." He sidles past Billy, far too close, patting his shoulder as he passes. Which does not help when he's just barely keeping his shit together.

His footsteps fade down the hallway at Billy's back. And Billy doesn't move. 

What the actual fuck.

He slams the bathroom door shut behind him, and leans his forehead against it, trying to breathe slowly through his nose. 

They didn't have sex last night. There's no way. He did not fuck Steve Harrington.

He couldn't have. Steve would never…

He's not…

That's just. Not what happened. Because that would never happen. 

It kind of looks like that's what happened, but it's not. 

He sits on the floor, head in his hands. And breathes. 

It's unclear how long he stays curled up on cold tile. Long enough that his legs start to feel stiff. Nothing about last night comes back to him. He sighs.

And gets up.

And splashes some water on his face. Drinks a little from the tap. Uses some of the mouthwash he digs out from under the counter. Takes a piss.

He's still unsteady. His temples throb if he moves too quickly. But he feels a little less like roadkill.

Steve waves at him when he spots him coming down the stairs. Waggles his fingers in the air, like they're best buds and this situation isn't the most surreal thing to happen to them since the Byers' weirdly trashed living room.

Billy rubs the back of his neck. "...Hey."

"Coffee?"

"Sure."

Steve pulls out two mugs, one of his thumbs stuck through a hole in the cuff of his sleeve. There's sunlight warming the honey-coloured highlights in his hair.

Yeah, no, this is definitely more fucked up than finding Max in a random house with a busted window and shitty drawings everywhere.

He might actually have lost his mind.

"What the fuck happened last night?" He blurts, his cheeks hot, fingers jittery. He shoves his hands in his pockets, fists balled up against his thighs.

Steve glances at him out of the corner of his eye. "Ah, figures you don't remember."

"Don't remember what?"

"You were pretty out of it."

"Yeah, thanks, I know that part."

Steve snorts, grabbing more things out of cupboards. Billy's paying more attention to his hands than what's in them. "You didn't want to leave, so I let you sleep upstairs."

"...Why?"

"You didn't say, just said you didn't have anywhere else to be."

"That's not what I meant." He knows exactly why he didn't want to leave. All the many reasons why he'd rather be here than under Neil's roof. Or anywhere else. What doesn't make any fucking sense is Steve accommodating him. 

Steve's eyes flicker to his again, briefly, before he turns back to the counter. When he shrugs the nonchalance seems forced. "You're a lot nicer when you're plastered."

"I…" Billy opens his mouth. Shuts it again. 

What the fuck does that mean. 

Steve fidgets with a spoon. "You got…kind of weepy, y'know."

Oh.

Goddamnit.

His shoulders go tense, jagged edges of a shield around what's left of his dignity. "Fuck you, Harrington," he snaps. It's all he can muster when he doesn't know what the fuck he was crying about. Every possibility is worse than the last.

"Yeah, you wish," Steve mutters.

Billy freezes. 

And doesn't recover quick enough to hide it from Steve. Steve's eyebrows shoot up. "Holy shit, it's true isn't it?" He turns around fully, the mess he's made of the counter forgotten. 

Fuck.

"I—don't know what you're talking about." His stupid deer-in-the-headlights expression is mostly under control but the sudden tremble in his voice definitely fucking isn't. 

He backs away a step and then stops. Where the fuck is he going to go, he doesn't know where his car is, where his keys are, and he's fucking barefoot. Running upstairs and locking himself in Steve's bathroom seems just a little too pathetic but that doesn't mean he doesn't consider it.

Billy clenches his jaw. It makes his head pound. "What exactly did I say last night?" He grits out, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Steve eyes him. Slowly, carefully. Deliberating. He chews his bottom lip. The silence is fucking agonizing. 

"Can't tell you," he finally replies, his voice light. One corner of his mouth lifts into half a smile, and scratches his cheek. "I promised I wouldn't tell anyone."

"That's…" Billy rubs his forehead with the palm of his hand, like he's looking for the button to restart his poor, confused brain. He drops his hand, exasperated, eyebrows creeping up to his hairline. "Steve, what the fuck."

Steve cracks a full-blown grin. "I told you I'm good at keeping secrets."

"I swear to god—"

"Aw c'mon, I can't break a promise! Especially 'cause you asked so nicely. You were so polite. It was very cute."

"I…what?"

He can't have heard that right.

Or Steve's just fucking with him. That's what's going on here. Billy let something slip last night and now Steve's holding it over his head. Because why wouldn't he, honestly. He has every reason to want to mess with Billy, and now he's got the perfect leverage.

"Billy." Steve's voice is soft, suddenly. His expression gentles, and he moves to close the gap between them. And Billy…doesn't get it. He's stalled out and stuck trying to figure out how this is gonna go wrong, how it fits into whatever prank Steve is clearly pulling.

He doesn't know what his face is doing, but he's pretty sure he's being way more readable than he'd like. 

He nearly jumps out of his skin when Steve touches him. A hand on his shoulder. A hesitant, awkward pat. Testing the waters, maybe. Trying to make sure he's real, maybe.

Is any of this real? Billy's still not convinced. He can smell Steve's shampoo and see all the little flecks of colour in his eyes and his shoulder is still burning where they made contact, but…

"I'm sorry I hurt you, y'know," Steve murmurs, his gaze dropping, hovering somewhere around Billy's crossed arms. He reaches out again, fingers grazing Billy's knuckles this time. All Billy can do is blink at him, afraid to breathe. "Doesn't have to be like that."

He tugs at Billy's hand, untucking it from the crook of his elbow, unfolding Billy's arms, and Billy lets him. One hand drops to his side and the other stays cradled in Steve's grip. He's…staring at it like he's studying for a test. Billy has no idea what's so fucking interesting, or what Steve's talking about, but he's also not bothered at this point. 

His knees feel like jello. 

"You could've just kissed me."

Billy nearly collapses. Like one of those swooning chicks in shitty romance novels. Breathless and flushed and overwhelmed. Except he just stands there like a moron, staring at Steve. And Steve's mouth.

"What?" he manages not to sound too strangled. Miraculously. 

Steve smiles at him, almost sheepishly. "You still could. I wouldn't mind."

"You…wouldn't."

"Yeah, I mean, if you had morning breath still it might be a different story, but…" Steve gestures vaguely, pulling Billy's hand along with him as he shrugs. 

Billy snorts.

And hey, maybe Steve is messing with him, and this will blow up in his face, but…

Well, he just really wants to kiss him before it does.

So he leans in and presses their lips together. 

~~tag list @spreckle @growup-thatbeautiful @prettyboy-like-you @suddenlyinlove

[lyraeon]

A while back I learned something important from my therapist, and since I was trying to recount it anyway to share with a friend, I thought I would bring it to y'all as well.

We have all had at least one of those days where we've stayed up way too late doing something fun but we just don't want to stop doing it. Logically I figured that's just because "well yeah I don't want to stop, I have to go to sleep then to work and those suck compared to it."

Except then that starts happening often and you feel bad about always staying up every night, but then you feel worse and get more stressed because you know you're doing something you're "not supposed to", but because you're more stressed you want more fun time... endless cycle.

But as I was talking about it all and told her I thought I was self-sacrificing, the therapist had a very useful question for me:

"How do you normally know it's time to stop having fun? Like you know it's time to finish work because your shift's over, you know it's time to stop doing the dishes when they're all done or the washer's full, what is your signal to stop having fun?"

And I had to search for a while to answer.

"When the activity is done" - okay sure, but many games and books and series, or doing your own creative thing, "done" may take days upon days or even be non-existent.

"When I had to pass the controller" - obvious and easy one! If you knew you had a finite turn then the defined end is readily there, and you're also prepared for it! But requires pre-arranging the limits.

"When I got in trouble for it" - ding ding ding, we found the big problem.

When you grow up with "fun" being a forbidden activity you're only allowed to do after everything else is done to 100% perfection, then you learn to sneak it in where you can fit it. And you need that shit, seriously - you cannot get through life without some source of enjoyment, some tiny glimmer of joy among the tedium.

Many of us learned to read under the covers, or to play our gameboy in the bathroom and hide it under the sink, or that we could get away with running around the backyard for another 20 minutes if we just learned which intonation of "come inside" was the actual trouble line, or whatever other ways to cram in as much joy as we could before the hammer came down, for whatever severity that meant in your house.

And so that feeling of "I shouldn't be doing this, I'm going to get caught, but if I'm going to get in trouble anyway I might as well get as much out of this as I can" becomes part of what you expect to feel when you're having fun. And you only know how to stop having fun when you feel that way when you get in trouble for it - and in absence of anyone else controlling your behavior, that means the bad guy becomes either whatever task pops up to remind you responsibilities exist, or your significant other pointing out it's really late and they wish you'd come to bed, or your boss yelling at you for being tired all the time... or it becomes you.

If you don't learn that fun isn't a forbidden activity, if you stay stuck in the mindset that it's something you have to cram in in secret and hide that you're even doing? It becomes so so easy to hate the voice of reason in your head that's trying to encourage moderation and we're going to regret this tomorrow.

And that escalates. You keep being too tired the next day. You keep feeling even worse when you sit down to enjoy yourself the next night because now you're already tired, so stress gets to you faster, and now you feel guilty about how late you're staying up so you're not really enjoying playing your game or scrolling Tumblr or whatever anymore, you're just nervously glancing at the clock, "have I spent too long yet? How much longer can I do this before I get in trouble?"

Even though now you're in your 20s or 30s and it's been a decade since the last time anyone else told you it was bed time.

Learning that you're allowed to have fun isn't easy; guilt and shame are emotions that run very, very deep. And neither is learning to have a healthier relationship with saying "okay, that's enough for today".

For one, you have to stop threatening yourself. "Tomorrow is gonna suck" and "You're going to regret this" and "we're going to get in trouble at work" don't work. You already feel bad, you already know it's gonna suck, so why wouldn't you try to cram in one more hour now while it's not the day that's going to suck yet? Punishment is not incentive.

Because by now you're in a situation where sleep is a horrifying punishment that ends any fun, but you're not enjoying your fun anyway because you're tired all the time on top of feeling ashamed for doing something fun, and you're spending the entire time beating yourself up for being an idiot with no self control who can't even handle going to bed on time like a normal human being...

etc etc etc.

You will hear a lot of people give advice on how to get rid of the idea of having to "earn" sleep or fun or happiness by doing "enough" other things. To learn to accept that just being alive is enough reason to "deserve" to do those things. That will work for some people, but for others it just ends up one more thing to scold yourself about, especially when you're already in the habit not of denying yourself entirely but instead of doing it and feeling guilty the whole time.

But learning to set limits ahead of time, so that you're not anticipating some unknown time that a nebulous authority figure is going to finally have their horror monster timer run out and leap out at you but instead know when and what to expect? Holy shit it helped.

Don't get me wrong, it hella felt like depriving myself at first, like I was being grounded, and I looked at my phone beeping saying it was bedtime quite often and got annoyed.

But then I stopped treating fun as something that had to wait until the end of the day and everything else had to be done first. It is way easier to stare down sleep and go "I don't need you", especially if you have any kind of insomnia making the idea of being in bed a dreadful one on top of it. It is harder to say that about dinner, or calling a friend, or walking the dog. Plus then the day isn't over yet, so giving up on your fun isn't also accepting that as the defining moment of the end of your day!

So you have to start practicing looking for places to squeeze in a little more fun - "I've got an hour before dinner, that's perfect to make some tea and watch two episodes." "My favorite youtuber just put up a new video, why don't I take a break to watch it before I finish this homework?" "I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow anyway, and if I leave an hour early I could go kick around the bookstore first."

And once you do, fun starts to feel less shameful.

Don't get me wrong, if your issues run deep enough it still does sometimes. But when you get to have these moments of joy that you don't feel the need to hide or apologize for and where punishment isn't part of the routine, then fun stops feeling like something you have to dig your claws into for fear of having it taken away from you once someone catches you with it. And that means that finishing a level and glancing over at the clock is something you do because it actually managed to click a satisfaction switch in your head and you wondered if it was a good note to end on for now, instead of something you do with your breath held and the berating words already cycling in your mind.

I am not offering this advice expecting it to work for everyone or be easy or anything like that. I am someone with Depression, ADHD, and pretty severe PTSD sharing a technique that one therapist told me that really happened to click for and help me specifically, in case it might help someone else be a little nicer to themselves today, too.

[dootznbootz]

Which Greek mythology character would you like to see talked about more?

OHoho. you all already know this.

It's Penelope.

And I am being so fucking serious about it. I'm also sleepy and angry and mother nature is stabbing my gut so I'm putting a lot of my emotions into this ask.

BUT her fangirling, angry, bitchy rant of mine, I will save for the end. (and I'll explain it more down there) Not gonna lie, I will probably be mean. Don't take it too personally. (Some folks I know genuinely love her and have stuff for her. Y'all are fine :D )

I have many other characters I wish would be seen more, but hers rant is ooooh. it's been boiling angrily for a long time and this is the perfect ask to let loose.

Take note: This is more about characters who I feel are either underrated and/or not really given love. It's a whole other can of worms about characters who ARE given a lot of attention but are either fandomized to the point of being unrecognizable or people just...really see them wrong.

Ariadne:

A young princess who helped out Theseus to end the cycle of violence against the youth of Athens. Despite the fact that she was going against her family by helping Theseus she did. When he left her, for whatever reason, she was rescued by Dionysus. In which these two have a loving and healthy marriage. There is so much potential here and it makes me sad that she gets butchered and/or just ignored.

Danae:

She was locked up by her father because of a prophecy that happened anyway. She is now pregnant with Zeus' child. She is then locked into a chest in which she is sent floating in the sea. She washes up on Seriphos. Her son is sent on an impossible quest in order to keep her from a forced marriage. Her story is inspiring and ugh sdkf j badass mama! ;~;

Telemachus:

Got that right here :)

Sthenelus:

Fucking love this lil hotheaded cheerleader man. Go boy, go! He got yeeted by Athena from the chariot. Diomedes and him tell each other that they love each other. Tells off Agamemnon for mocking Diomedes' and his dad. He was a child soldier alongside Diomedes. I love this weird lil guy.

Hephaestus:

It makes me sad how people only see him as the "cuck" of Aphrodite and Ares. (no hate to them. do not hate either of them) He's badass in his own right! He does that bigass fire in the Iliad! And one of my favorite scenes in that epic, is him welcoming Thetis! I think he's neat :D

Hebe:

Ganymede isn't the only cupbearer on Olympus you know.

Menelaus:

I love me a goofy wifeman...But if that's all you see him as, I'm sad. What about the sealy man? (aka him wrestling a god for a while and making him tell him answers) The exiled prince? The younger brother? The angry charioteer who yelled at Antilochus? The man who interfered with his brother's letter to his wife to warn to not bring their daughter? Being the sweet uncle figure for Telemachus? (he and Penelope get a lot of the same treatment in a way. with the whole "just the spouse" ;~; )

Psyche:

I think she's pretty popular, but shout out to her anyway :D Because I love her story a lot.

And last but absolutely not least,

Penelope

Heads up once more, but I'm going to be so fucking mean right now. I'm very tired and runnin on 4 hours of sleep and my tummy hurts. This is all over the place and I'm sad.

I think some of you treat the fact that Odysseus is (rightfully) obsessed with her and adores her as if that's HER personality trait... as while it's adorable to see him simping over her as he does, she's not just there for him (and me) to simp for. In the same vein, I think some of y'all only see her for her love of Odysseus and nothing more. Some folks don't see her as anything more than what she is for Odysseus.

AS IF HER HUSBAND ISN'T JUST AS INTERTWINED WITH HER AS SHE IS WITH HIM!

And yet, there is so much stuff with him about the other people in his life. The other Achaeans, Polites and Eurylochus, Athena, etc. You know Penelope has people in her life other than her husband and her son, right?

Even stuff that's just her, it's usually her weaving the shroud...That still ties back to Odysseus. If you wanna have her weave, maybe have her weave something happily. Maybe her chatting with Anticlea or Athena while she does! Or Helen! or her sister!

There's the saying of "the characters respect women but the author does not" and I'm noticing that a LOT in this fandom. I don't think it's intentional, but it's very telling with what people prioritize in their creations how they feel. (and no, I'm not talking about Homer. He wrote incredible women.)

I'm not saying you're not allowed to have favorites. But even if Odysseus IS your favorite, if you have Penelope so one note or with such weak characterization while having so much for Odysseus, FOR THE MEN WHO HE IS NEAR... It's just really telling.

I've even seen some shit with "Well, there's not much to do with her." as if y'all don't make OCs with less. I've seen people give Astyanax, an AU baby, more characterization than her. (Have him alive in your AUs but if you give him more character than Peenlope, I am side-eying you so hard.)

It genuinely pisses me off how overlooked she is. I hate how her tags are basically empty (honestly? I might start tagging my silliness for her correctly because it has so lil.)

Hey, why do followers of the other tags show up but not for #penelope of ithaca? It's clearly because she has SO many followers/fans that she broke tumblr! Especially with the fact that you can scroll all the way to the bottom pretty quickly! /sarcasm

(btw, before you say something, I know there's no consistent tag for Penelope. I follow many of them. #penelope odyssey is kind of the best bet I believe. #penelope of sparta is mostly about that new show that's coming out and hyping about it. still not about HER. #penelope mostly has some bridgerton character. so yeah. Not much on tumblr)

(shoutout to the artists who got their art on front of the tag! That's exciting! I'm being a mean bitch right now but that's fun and exciting!)

I hate how people see her as so one-note. I hate how she's often just "Odysseus' wife". MOST CONTENT OF HER IS HIM SIMPING OVER HER. (that's something I'm guilty of too! I plan to fix that soon. I have so many wips and so lil time and too high of personal standards because since she has so little content of her, I WILL make it good. I'll TRY to make it good.)

EVEN HEADCANONS! SO MUCH OF FANDOM STILL ONLY HAS HEADCANONS THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ODYSSEUS OR TELEMACHUS. GIVE ME SOMETHING ABOUT HER CHILDHOOD. GIVE ME LIL QUIRKS SHE HAS. What does she struggle with? What's her favorite color? Does she like dancing? ANYTHING.

Feelings about how fandom sees her are also summed up by this and this.

...Do you see my problem? Just one of my problems?

So many people genuinely read the Odyssey and just see her as the "crying wife". People diminish her character and her intelligence all the fucking time. You wanna know something I've noticed? PEOPLE ONLY TALK ABOUT HER INTELLIGENCE WHEN ODYSSEUS IS THERE. Like with how she tricks him and how she tricks the suitors. Nobody talks about the moment when Athena appears as her sister in her dream and she is immediately like "hey, if you're some god, is my husband still alive?" she clocks her as Athena RIGHT AWAY.

People constantly forget her violent thoughts against the suitors! Or when she sasses Telemachus and Euryclea. When she scolds and threatens the maids. (she's not always nice y'all!) Do you really think Odysseus would be obsessed with someone who isn't on his level?

We all know that he loves her. BUT WHY?! "Because she's smart like him." Yeah, we know. WHAT ELSE?

They are Likeminded! Thinking and acting alike! You know how fun that is?!

Homer, you absolute mad lad genius. You made her a mystery to the narrator, Odysseus, and for some reason, people see that as her just being a straight up mystery. You wrote her so wonderfully and so complex with how she is so sneaky in her own way that people are literally tricked by her as readers as well!

Or sadly, more likely, people fucking blackout when she's in the scene and there's no Odysseus. 🙄

Look, even if you have Penelope be the "braincell" who keeps her husband in line, MAKE SURE SHE'S NOT ACTING LIKE ODYSSEUS' FUCKING MOM. They're both grown ass adults for fuck's sake!

Also...please...PLEASE have her be more than a prop for the men around her. I've read some things that could literally have her be replaced by Euryclea, as Penelope is sometimes just used as a sounding board.

I'll be even more bitchier. Even in the OT3 she's commonly in. It wasn't a NOTP until I noticed most creations of that ship was just "Odysseus and this person for 6000+ words... Oh, and Penelope making an appearance in the footnotes." If it's an OT3, they all love each other right? Where's the PenDio fics/art, cowards?

I have a weird theory about how people treat her that way. (other than fandom prioritizing men)

So there's "girlbossing" and "uwu sad victim" that fandom can never seem to leave. I think People do this with Helen and Clytemnestra and that's why THEY are "blorbo-able". (not saying they shouldn't be but they definitely get more love than Penelope)

Helen, despite not always being a victim in her story, has been through so much. Kidnapped and some people blame her for it (irl and some people in canon do blame the war on her). Very easy to cling to. I cling to her too! (she's on the "UwU always victim. tragic blorbo" end)

Clytemnestra, is a victim in the sense that she's a grieving and angry mother and wife. And so she killed Agamemnon. Her violence and anger is seen as "girlboss" despite all the horrible stuff she also did to her children. (she's more on the "girlboss" end)

Penelope, is not a victim to the same degree as Helen nor does she murder anyone (how could she? it was 108 people against her and the Odyssey shows that the suitors' parents were enraged. Even Odysseus was skeptical he could beat them.)

She's not on either end of the "scales" for people to find her "blorbo-able". She doesn't murder her husband or the suitors by herself or is a victim to them in the same way Helen is.

And that's just for people who know her husband didn't cheat. I think with people who think Odysseus did cheat, they hate her because "she let it slide". That she's "weakwilled" for knowing her husband went through literal hell and wanting him to be happy and safe.

Idk, It's a little lonely being one of the few "Penelope crazy" blogs.

I sometimes wonder if people kind of come to my blog in a "Hey, can you love her for me? Can you think about her for us?" as I have seen very little on her childhood for example. It's STILL mostly in relation to others.

It's not even the "sharing ideas" that bugs me. it's the feeling of people not wanting to come up with headcanons/ideas for her OUTSIDE of canon.

"She was in Helen's shadow." Okay, well, how did she feel about it? What did she do about it? Did she hide away? Did she internalize that? Did she find that freeing? To not be the center of attention?

Stuff like that. Dive DEEPER. PLEASE

It makes me happy that people love my Penelope as I love her too, clearly. But I really fucking hope you love the CANON Penelope too. If you think I made Penelope "better" or anything like that, then leave. She's already fantastic on her own.

I want to talk about her more. I want her to be seen more.

[sacredasexual]

~ ♡A Late Night Talk ♡ ~ (Sad Inosuke x GenderNuteral Reader! Reverse Comfort)

(This isn't an Agere Inosuke post like I usually do. I just wanted to write some fluff and some reverse comfort😭)

______________________________________________________________

Upon waking up at around 2:43 in the morning, Y/N would obviously try to get back to sleep. After around 10 minutes, they couldn’t fall back asleep. They sighed and stood up, maybe getting some water would help? They quietly began walking out of the room and down the hallways of The Butterfly Estate. However, they quickly realized that a door to the outside was open. Confused, Y/N slowly and cautiously stepped towards the door, peering out only to see Inosuke, he was crying? Stunned, as Y/N had never seen him cry before, they stepped forward just once as the floor creaked. Inosuke spun his head around at what seemed like the speed of light and noticed Y/N and nearly instantly, he started to get very defensive towards them.

“"H-Hey!!! What are you looking at, idiot!? Why are you awake?!" He snapped, while he wiped his tears that just continued falling.

Not really phased by his yelling, Y/N replied.

"…Inosuke? Are you alright?” Y/N uttered, concerned for the feral boy.

"S-Shut up! I'm fine! Just go back to bed!" Inosuke yelled, not seeming to care that it was in the middle of the night.

Inosuke was still crying when he was yelling. It sounded like he was holding back a lot of stuff but he was still trying to hide it.

Y/N was silent for a few seconds before speaking again.

"Y'know if you don't want to tell me anything that's fine. That's not any of my business to pry into. But like hell am I gonna leave you here alone when there's clearly something that's seriously upsetting you.” They insisted.

Inosuke seemed a bit surprised that they had stayed and didn't just go back to bed.

"What's it to you anyway?! It's not like you care!" He said harshly, looking away from Y/N.

Although he was being rude and harsh he was still on the brink of crying and was trying his best to keep this in to be the strongest.

Y/N tilted their head a bit, raising an eyebrow.

"Who said that? Who ever said I didn't care? I have no idea who told you that but they're a damn liar. I do care. A lot, actually." They stated."So you do care?..." Inosuke uttered, almost in disbelief.

He was actually starting to believe they cared but he didn't want to admit to it.

But he still wasn't completely convinced you cared just yet.

"I do, really." Y/N confirmed.

Y/N walked towards him before sitting down next to him.

"Look, there must be a reason for your tears. I don't think it's just that something got in your eye." They added.

Inosuke, still trying to maintain his tough guy act, rolled his eyes with his arms crossed and replied with a hard stare

"What do you know anyway?! It's nothing! Really. I swear! I'm just… tired. That's all. Now why don't you get back to bed, yeah…" He then tried to shoo Y/N away, hoping they'd give up.

Y/N shrugged.

"Y'know, you don't gotta tell me anything. But I'm not just gonna let you feel completely alone, that shit hurts. But you're not gonna find a solution just sulking alone looking into the dark. I should know, I've been trying that for a long time" They sighed.

That got to Inosuke a little bit, but he tried to act like he didn't care.

"Look, I'm just dealing with some stuff on my own and it's really nothing to worry about okay-" He paused.

Inosuke thought to himself; "Well damn… this is embarrassing…" Before speaking again.

"So again, I'm gonna ask you to go back to bed."

There was a moment of silence.

Y/N sighed a bit.

"…You don't deserve to feel all alone when shit hits the fan. So I'd love to sit and chill with you for a while. Talk about nothing in particular. Or just chill in silence for a bit. Whatever floats your boat really" They said after a bit.

This caught him a little off guard.

Inosuke was silent for a second, thinking to himself; "Are they serious? Are they really going to do this? I guess it would be nice though…"

He then cleared his throat, trying to sound tough again.

"Ugh…fine. You can stay but it's gonna be boring." He rolled his eyes, looking away.

"Fine by me" Y/N replied, shrugging and looking up into the night sky as rain began lightly peppering the ground.Y/N and Inosuke sat quietly for what felt like 20 minutes, just sitting and occasionally hearing the light rain drops hitting the ground. The night sky was beautiful, they could see some stars.

“…Hey." Inosuke spoke quietly after another minute passed.

“What'sup?” Y/N casually responded.

"…I'm sorry." He uttered.

He was thinking about how this was probably going to make him look weak but he really didn't care at this point. He just wanted someone to speak his mind too.

Y/N was a little caught off guard by this, usually he never says anything like that.

"Sorry for what?" They asked.

Inosuke sighed, his voice was back to being soft and not so tough.

"I'm sorry for being a dick. About a lot of stuff." He couldn't look Y/N in the eyes as he said this.

…

Y/N was silent for a second before they replied with a sigh.

"I'm not the type to hate easily. I figured that you've likely been through some real shit that forced you to build up walls to protect yourself. And the rudeness comes from wanting to protect yourself from future harm rather than for just being a jerk." They explained to him.

Inosuke was in complete shock that they knew that and actually understood and felt his actions were more than just him being a jerk.

"Well, I guess you got me there. I did go through something…pretty heavy before all this whole demon slaying started and I wanted to hide that side from everyone so I just became a jerk… and that kinda—” He stopped himself for a second.

He started thinking to himself.

"You're doing it again…stop talking so much! Your weakness is showing! Be quiet!" He mentally scolded himself.

He was about to continue before Y/N had spoken once more.

"I've been there myself before, Y'know? Acting a certain way purposely in order to protect yourself? Where you've gotten so used to it to where even the genuinely nice people you gotta push away because you can never fully know who and who not to trust. So believe me when I tell you I know exactly how you're feeling." Y/N had revealed this to him for the first time.

Inosukes jaw nearly dropped when Y/N confessed this to him, he was shocked that they actually have been through the exact same thing he had, it seemed like almost impossible.

"No fucking way…you've actually been through the same thing? You aren't just pitying me or lying to me?" He uttered in disbelief and a little bit of skepticism.

Y/N was silent for a second.

"In short, When I was little I was always bullied and harassed for being this type of kid who would just always be happy, chatty and ready to make friends and talk a lot. So as I grew older I forced myself to become more closed off, quiet and sort-of a loner to protect myself from further harassment. And even some genuinely nice people I'd avoid and purposely cause beef with. Just so I wouldn't have to worry about fully trusting them then the bend me over and fuck me hard, rough, and dry like the rest without remorse. Because I couldn't ever be sure of who was and who wasn't to be trusted. So I forced myself to act like everyone was my enemy so I wouldn't have to go through the pain of being harassed for who I really am again. So believe me when I say that I know exactly how you feel. Our experiences may have been different in scenarios, but had the same effect nonetheless" They told him.

Inosuke couldn't believe Y/N was being so open to him. Usually, people just ignored him once he was a dick to them…but they still stuck by even when he was rude.

"I-I… you really do know what that's like and you actually understood me and didn't just think I was being a dick for no reason." He looked down at his lap, feeling more and more comfortable with Y/N as time passed.

Rain started falling a little heavier."There's nothing you need to apologize for. You're just trying to protect yourself, and I understand that very well. It's unfortunate, but it's the sad truth. I can tell you didn’t really mean any harm. And when it ever comes down to it, you'll never let anyone walk alone when shit happens." Y/N uttered quietly to him.

Y/N had no idea how much that meant to Inosuke. Nobody had ever told him something so thoughtful or genuinely nice before. Well, aside from Tanjiro a couple of times. But sometimes he thinks it's forced. All he'd been told before was how he was a jerk, an idiot, or a dumbass. Inosuke was trying not to tear up, but it was hard. No matter what he tried, he'd probably end up crying in front of Y/N. which he didn't want.

"Uh… t-thank you… I really didn't deserve such nice words…" He shyly uttered.

A little more time had passed, before Y/N decided to tell him something else.

"Hey…This might not seem like much coming from just some demon girl like me, but if it helps even a little bit..I'll say it over and over again. In my eyes, you're perfect just the way you are. Your voice is soothing to listen to, your eyes are as beautiful as peridot gems, and your eyelashes just make it all the more better. It looks like your eyes were carved specially from a Wall of Peridot Gems in Heaven. I'm not just saying that. I genuinely mean it." They said softly to him.Inosuke didn't know what to say. For the first time in years, someone actually complimented him and meant it. Most people in the past just insulted him or called him a jackass. Inosuke couldn't help but tear up at this point which he regretted doing. He tried to be tough again, but his voice was still shaky.

"I-it's not like you really mean any of that… It's just out of pity. You don't actually mean any of it." He sighed, trying to hold back tears.

"Of course I mean it" Y/N replied without hesitation.

"And that's just physically…on the inside, I can tell you're sweet, caring, loyal, and everything anyone wishes to have in a person. They just don't want to work for it and think things automatically have to go their way. And that's not your fault. I may not know what all you've ever been through, but I can tell that no matter what it was..it impacts your life in a way you wish it didn't. It must hurt, it must be excruciating trying to seem 'normal' when all you've ever known is what you grew up knowing. That's not your fault.” They added.

Inosuke was trying not to burst out into full tears as he heard this. This was probably the most sincere thing anyone has ever told him, not just that. But someone actually thought these kind things were true about him?

“You…You think so?” He managed.

"I absolutely know so. And even though I'm not someone special like a Hashira or something…I hope it can bring you at least a little bit of comfort knowing that I'm proud of you. I'll always be proud of you. You've saved the lives of hundreds of people again and again just because you want to protect them. And in my book, that's the most honorable thing anyone could ever even hope to do. On top of that.. You keep doing it again and again, day by day, night by night even though you feel unappreciated. Inosuke.. You're a person that people should learn from. You have a heart of gold under the rough exterior. You aren't dumb. You've accomplished things that others would need to work years for to even begin to start getting to your level at. And even though I'm not anyone special, I want you to know that I see you, I hear you. And you never fail to impress me. I'm so proud of you.” Y/N sighed.

Inosuke's face began to turn red from embarrassment now on top of the tears that he can no longer fight back. He had no idea of how to respond to such kindness and sincerity. He was speechless and he was blushing.

"D-don't say such nice things… you'll j-just make me cry…" He once again, shyly uttered.

Y/N replied without a second's hesitation.

"Don't feel bad for crying. Cry as much as you need. Each tear represents how strong you've been. It's not a bad thing to cry, it's not something you should be ashamed about. All the tears that fall..wear them like a symbol of strength. Don't hide them. Let them all spill fourth if you need to let them. Because it's never a symbol of weakness..it's a sign of someone who's been strong for too long…it's okay to let yourself be vulnerable for a bit, let yourself rest. You deserve it." They reassured him.

The way Y/N spoke was so soothing and nice to hear. Inosuke was completely stunned, his eyes were red from tears as he looked down at the ground. He wished to wipe them but he refused to let himself be "weak" as he'd called it so many times in the past.

"I-I'm sorry… I don't like to show my feelings, you don't have to say such great things to me, I don't deserve to be treated so nicely…" He uttered, he had never sounded more insecure.

"Listen…Anyone who thinks otherwise, or makes it a goal to mistreat you. Don't believe that they're true. Instead, feel bad for them because they don't have a person like you in their lives. I'm not gonna tell you to just not listen to them. Because I know that's way easier said than done. It's hard to just ignore it when so many people say it again and again. They should be grateful to have you here, you're not only a blessing, you're an angel. You've done countless amazing things and never demanded something back. You did it or of the kindness in your heart. So those people who tell you that you're "heartless” or anything like that…It's not true. It's never true. And when you realize that it's not true, and instead realize how much of an amazing man you are just the way you are…It won't hurt as bad. Because no matter what they say, The truth will always remain the same" Y/N replied, no stuttering whatsoever. Inosuke was stunned with shock at such words, he wasn't used to such kindness. Most people thought of him as either rude, obnoxious, or conceited. He never ever thought anyone would call him an angel. He finally wiped his tears and looked over to Y/N, his eyes and his face was still a little bit red.

"Do… Do you really mean all of that? Do you really think that someone as selfish and horrible as I am is an angel like you said?" He managed out, fighting tears.

“Never say that again.” Y/N said sternly, before continuing.

"I've seen you risk your life countless times to ensure the safety of others. And you never demand anything back. And you do it all the time, again and again without thinking twice about it. That all comes from the good of your heart. Deep inside, I know your heart is big yet fragile, and it's easily broken. So you want to keep it from breaking again and the only way you know how to is to act like you don't care about anything else but fighting and being the best. That's not your fault. It's from unfortunate circumstances that left your heart in pieces again and again that you had no control over. It makes sense why you wouldn't want that to happen again. I see that you're trying, you're trying your best with every cell of your being. It's not your fault that others are too naive and stuck up that they don't realize it. If it helps you at all, I see how hard you're trying. And you're doing a great job, I'm proud of you for that. So saying you're selfish and horrible is wrong, completely wrong."

Another tear streamed down Inosuke's face as he heard Y/N speak. He couldn't believe it. It was all making sense, even though it was a bit hard to believe at first. He still looked away before speaking back.

"I-Is that really why I act like a jerk? Just to keep people away from me? Just because I don't want them to know how weak and unlovable I really am deep down?" He asked.

Y/N's heart broke for Inosuke.

"… Angel." They gently placed their hand on his shoulder, my other hand on his cheek, wiping away his tears with their thumb slowly.

"You are someone worth loving. Your love is the most pure thing the world would ever see. It is so unfortunate that you had to hide it all just to protect yourself. Deep inside, you're a gentle, sweet, affectionate, and loyal man. You're a diamond in the rough, darling. I know it gets hard, I know it makes you feel like you just want to scream. But just look at how far you've gotten, how many lives you've saved. You're incredible. And no, I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. I'm telling the full unfiltered truth" They told Inosuke.Inosuke's eyes were teary as Y/N wiped his tears away. He felt like he was going to start bawling again the moment they touched him, which he despised doing because of how weak it made him look. He knew this would make him look like an idiot too, not only did he let someone tell him such nice things, but he was getting all teary eyed over something so simple. He spoke a bit softly as he took a few deep breaths to make sure he wasn't going to tear up again.

"You're too nice to someone who's not even half as great as—" He was cut off by Y/N.

"Sh.." They moved their finger to his lips.

"No. I love you because You're you. That's why. I don't care if you aren't 'perfect' because at the end of the day, no one is. That doesn't mean you're pathetic or anything of that sort. I love you because you've shown how kind you can really be. You've shown more loyalty than I've ever seen before. No matter what the situation, you'll always make sure everyone is safe even at the cost of your own life. That's what makes you an angel. You care so much for others despite how hidden it is." Y/N told him, not wanting him to believe anything else other than what they said.

A small smile came onto Inosuke's face. Someone really did love him just the way he was, flaws and all. He felt like he should still be ashamed of himself and that he shouldn't be appreciated by anyone, but for one person to accept him the way he was… that was a new feeling for him. Quietly, he replied back.

"Even though I keep trying to push people away from me? You're not upset with me or think I'm weird? Y-You really mean all of that?” He asked with genuine curiosity.

"Yes. I'll say it again and again if I have to, every day, every hour, every minute if I have to…as long as you know just how incredible you are, just the way you are. My Angel." Y/N assured him, looking into those beautiful peridot eyes.

Those precious words felt like they could heal even the most incurable wounds. The way Y/N kept calling Inosuke "Their Angel" had a way of soothing his pain, no one had ever called him something like that before. He was so overwhelmed with love, that he didn't say anything and instead, threw his arms around Y/N and hugged them, sobbing into their shoulders. Y/N was a little stunned at the sudden hug. This was the first ever time he had hugged them. But of course, they didn't protest and instead hugged him back immediately.

"C'mere Angel…Just let it all out, it's okay" They hugged him like he was the most sacred being in the entire multiverse.

Inosuke had spent so long not letting himself be vulnerable that it just finally spilled out all at once, he hugged Y/N so tightly it almost felt like he could snap them in half. He was sobbing and crying intensely into their shoulder, not even trying to hold back at this point like he normally would. He kept murmuring words like "thank you" over and over again in between sniffles and sobs.

Y/N brushed their fingers though Inosukes beautiful black and blue gradient hair.

"We can stay together all night if you want to, I'd be perfectly happy with it" They told him.

Y/N wrapped their arm around Inosukes waist and pulled him close, his head was lighting resting on their chest now.

Now that Inosuke was leaning on them, he was more relaxed than ever. He still didn't release his hold on them, he did seem a bit tired now though as he was still sniffling and weeping into their shoulder.

"Do you really mean that? I'm not keeping you from getting a good night's sleep, am I?" He asked, sounding genuinely concerned forY/N’s wellbeing, which was extremely rare to see yet extremely sweet as well.

"If I'm being completely honest, I think I'll be able to sleep a lot better beside you" Y/N replied.

Inosuke let out another sniffle and smiled as he heard their reply. He snuggled even closer to Y/N, not saying much else but simply holding them in a loving embrace and burying his head against their neck and shoulder.

"Oh, and by the way, before you fall asleep…" Y/N paused before placing a little kiss on his forehead.

"…I figured you'd like that. Forehead kisses ensure good dreams" They laughed a bit.

Inosuke froze when Y/N kissed his forehead. He felt his cheeks light up as he turned a bit red, his face was still buried in their shoulder so they couldn't see if it was obvious or not.

"N-No one's ever kissed my forehead before… I liked it. A lot." He said, a cute blush prominent across his cheeks.

He snuggled closer once more, his eyelids starting to get a bit heavy as he started to succumb to sleep. Soon, Inosuke did fall asleep. He seemed much more at peace and comfortable than usual. His grip on them loosened and his body went limp as he fell into the void of sleep. He seemed to be completely at ease now and looked to be truly resting peacefully. Y/N smiled softly. He looked so cute and so peaceful.

"Rest well, Angel…"

[tookerthetookiest]

Wanderer/ Scaramouche x Reader

Kinda angsty

@fruityvegetable - OP's Idea

* Ok but imagine a fanfic w/ fatui recruit reader who has a big, fat, highschool level crush on scara. Scaramouche being him is obviously disgusted by this and pushes the reader away but they never really get the hint. He soon realizes that they'd do whatever he wants without question (besides leaving him ofc). So, he plays in. Leaning into their affection to get some other selfish motive he has. Reader is ofc, estatic thats scara has finally 'accepted' their love. *

This is what happened after the reader heard Scara talking with the other harbingers about how he's only using the reader for his own ideals. That's my shortened version, for more detail you can check out the Fruityvegetables account!! They repost some funny and cute pics too, so go on over to them!!

"Send for (y/n)! Now!" The indigo haired man yelled at a subordinate. Wasting no time the fatui agent scurried away to summon you.

You walked into his office with a blank expression, "Yes my lord" you said with a bow, not looking up til he spoke again. He was agitated, as per usual, though this time he had a reason. Since when had you become so monotone? Where was the annoying, energetic, loud person he hated so much. He paid no mind to it as you may have just woken up or something?? Yeah, that's probably it.

"Tch, I have a mission for you." You rose your head to see his cheek in his palm, elbow resting on his desk, eyes opening to look at you. He readjusted his form to sit in a more intimidating manner. Finally seeing your face he came to the conclusion you were most definitely tired. Eyes droopy, bags under them, an overall mood change, you even looked as though you were crying, but what for? He was worried, but him being him, he decided to just not care.

You only stood there, arms at your side, awaiting your order. The more he looked at you the more he wonders what has you in such a state, though your just a pawn in his game, he shouldn't he caring this much.

"I need you to go to X location and oversee that the items are getting safely transported to Y location" His eyes never leaving your figure, waiting to see your reaction. How he hoped you would say your normal "Of coarse my lord! How kind of you to allow me to watch over goods of yours!!<<333" or something along those lines. That never happened and much to his dismay you replied with "Yes Sir Balladeer, also I must inform you-" he cut you off "I swear if it's some dumb shit I'm going to kill you" He said, expecting this whole thing to be some sort of joke. How wrong he was "Ahem, as I was saying. I must inform you that I have requested to be transferred to Lord Tartaglia."

With that, something inside him snapped. Childe!? Out of all, you chose Childe! Plus you were his! Ahem, his subordinate of course. How could you just choose to leave out of the blue. Barely any warning to go with it, he was prepared to destroy whatever or whoever led you to this decision. "WHAT? WHY! HAVE YOU NO SENSE, ARE YOU THAT STUPID. LEAVING ME?? DO YOU REALLY HAVE A DEATH WISH?!?!!" Yes, he's been angry, that's basically his whole personality, but this was different. He was angry, jealous, confused, sad all in one.

"My lord, you should already know why I'm leaving. You yourself said I would eventually no longer be of use to you. I'll take my leave now." He was perplexed, he said what? Then it all clicked. You heard him. You heard everything he said. Just then he felt everything come crashing down. He was lucky you closed his door, he began.... Crying?

Tears were forming, his eyes wide, unable to process what was going on. Why was he acting this way, for some random person he could easily replace. He could live his life without you anyday, you were annoying anyway. The more he sat and pondered, the more tears flowed, the more he finally realized. He loved you. You weren't someone he could replace, no one in this world could ever truly love him as you did. You had no reason to love him for this long, he gave no reason, yet you still did. He realized he can't live without you, you were apart of his routine.

Now you were leaving? He thought 'Just like everyone else' but he realized once again, it was his fault.

He couldn't bare letting you leave. He rose from his seat, hat covering his face as tears fell, then he ran. Ran til he arrived at your room, not wasting a second to open the door. He looked up, teary eyed, only for them to be left open in shock. Was this the right room, he checked again, yup it was the right one. But where were you, the room was surprisingly empty. Had you planned this. He said it only a day ago, how were you this quick. The tears were uncontrollable at this point. "No, nononono no no no" he chanted.

He walked into the room, noticing a paper on your bed. "I will be leaving as soon as possible, it wasn't Tartaglia I was transferring over to. I'm not actually transferring over to anyone, I'm leaving the fatui, disappearing completely. It'll be hard seeing as everyone will be hunting me down as a traitor of the fatui. But I cannot bare the thought of someone I loved treat me as a mere peice to a puzzle and I know you will never love me the way I did you. I'm sorry my lord...... My love. " With that he searched the entire building, with you nowhere to be seen.

If only he realized his love for you sooner, maybe he could've prevented this. You were the only one to truly see him as a person, someone to be loved, cherished, admired. And he just threw you away. He deserved it, though it won't stop him from searching for you. He needs you back in his life. His new life, as a Wanderer. He's changed, changed for you, and he won't stop searching until he can live his life with you.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

I tried ┐⁠(⁠￣⁠ヘ⁠￣⁠)⁠┌, it turned out way longer that I was expecting, probably got boring at the end. But I'm still proud of it! Hope you enjoyed reading this!! Please leave requests for me!!

Have a great morning, evening or night!! ☀️🌙🌅

[mbappeward]

arguing with your boyfriend while you're on your period - kylian mbappe imagine

umm hi... ig im back?? the past months were a rollercoaster for me, i graduated high school and im now in uni studying biomedical sciences which is kinda hard but yeah at least its fun. however the main reason i couldnt post was bcs i was focusing on my mental and phsyical state, i got diagnosed with different anxiety disorders and its been really hard for me. but writing distracts me and brings me peace, so ig i should write more loll. anyways enjoyy :)

on and on with your boyfriend, it had been five minutes with the both of you just yelling back and forth. Actually, you were the one doing most of the yelling, he just sat there annoying every part of you.

"kylian just because you don't want to talk about it does not mean you get to walk out of the room." You yelled. The both of you were talking casually until he said something along the lines of going out with his friends tomorrow, and all you replied with was how he wasn't spending much time with you lately, and how lonely you felt. What did he do? Walk out the door. "I don't want to argue right now, i'm sick of it. I'm leaving." He spat out, letting a mocking sigh of frustration as he walked out the door. The fact that he walked away without letting you talk about your feelings angered you, so you followed him out.

"listen to me, you're making a big deal right now. nothing happened. I don't get why your yelling, you know everytime you accuse me of something it turns into an argument, and I'm honestly just not in the mood right now." He mumbled while looking at his phone. His response was so hurtful towards you, thinking back to all the times you were there for him and would listen to him.

"You think I'm being overdramatic?" You asked, your calm just as irritatingly calm as his. He nodded his head, face still looking towards his phone, his eyes were never on you, and you just wanted some respect.

You felt the pain in your abdomen worsen as you yelled through the pain. "Y-your not even looking at me. Why is it so hard for you to listen to me??" You scream out, a small lump forming on your throat. He threw his phone next to him, stood up and looked up at you for a quick second before looking away. He then turned back to you. 

"Y/n, I'm not trying to hurt you, I was only trying to avoid an argument." He whispered. "I wasn't trying to argue, I was trying to speak my side. I just wanted to tell you how I feel so empty without you here. You're most of the time at training and by the time you get back you're so tired to spend time with me. These free days are when we can actually spend time together." You mumbled. He gave you a look before looking up.

"But what about me? I never have breaks so when would I ever go out with my friends and do something I enjoy?" He spoke. His words felt like a stab to your heart.

"Do something you actually enjoy? Fuck off Kylian, you could have just broken up with me if being with me is something you don't actually enjoy. You know what? Do whatever the hell you want, I'm gonna be the one to leave now." You spat, walking out the door. 

The moment you walked outside, a rush of cold wind hit your face, your body automatically starting to shiver. You blamed yourself for not bringing a jacket, but just thought of going back soon. You found an empty bus stop to sit at, and decided it would be a good place to think about something to distract you, but that's when the pain started getting worse. Your hands grabbed onto your lower stomach and you squeezed your eyes shut, hoping it would make the pain subside. All you wanted to do was to be in your boyfriends embrace, for him to cuddle you, kiss you, cook for you, take care of you, and just love you. But right now, from his words, it seems like he didn't enjoy being with you, which one made you feel worse.

It got to the point where you didn't know if you were crying over kylian or the pain, but you decided it was both. You were never good with cramps, and you were extremely sensitive. Kylian was always aware, but this time it seemed to slip his mind that you needed him.

He was at home, thinking back at everything to see where he had made a mistake, his hands were fisted up as his heart began to ache out of fear. The moment he laid his eyes on the jacket he knew you were outside freezing. It was extremely late and it was freezing outside, and you didn't even take a jacket with you. Forgetting about the argument, he rapidly stood up, deciding to look for you. As he was taking his jacket out the coat rack, he noticed the chocolate wrappers littered in the counter and the painkillers you used for your period left there. It was then when he realized, you were on your period. You did not like sweet things, and if you were eating this much chocolate, it could only be one

reason.

"Fuck." He mumbled, grabbing the car keys and running out the door. His footsteps echoed around the streets as he got to the car. He hoped that you were okay. As he looked around while driving, you were nowhere to be found, and he only started panicking. He took out his phone, hands barely being able to hold the phone from how much he was panicking.

Finally, after getting a hold of himself, he pressed on your contact, praying that you would pick up, but to his luck, it went straight to voicemail. If anything happened to you, he would not be able to forgive himself. He cursed under his breath, his vision becoming blurry as he thought about the worst case scenarios. He should have never been so hard on you when you were only trying to spend time with him. Guilt filled his body as the only thing he wanted was for you to be in his arms.

He kept looking around the neighborhood and that's when he found a figure sitting in an empty bus-stop. His heart almost beat out of his chest as he found you. After making sure it was you, he parked the car nearby and sprinted, glad to see that you were okay.

"You idiot." He mumbled as his voice wavered. It was laced with fear. "If you're just here to insult me then you can leave." You mumbled, looking away. Kylian immediately took off his jacket, wrapping it around your form as he gently held your face, bringing it close to his so that he could kiss you. You flinched from how warm his lips felt against yours, but slowly melting into him. No matter how upset at him you were, you were always his, and you could never resist him. As you were kissing, you began to feel droplets of what you thought was rain falling on you. Breaking away from the kiss, you saw the first snowfall. You've heard of couples kissing on the first snowfall, but never about it snowing as you were kissing.

Kylian pulled you into a hug, as you shivered and hugged him back. The cramps started getting worse and worse by the moment, and before you knew it, you started crying again. Taken aback, Kylian stared at you with fear, examining you to see what was wrong. You held onto him tightly, telling him your stomach was hurting, another pang of guilt hitting him for not taking good care of you. "Aw my baby...I'm so sorry, it'll be okay, I promise. Come let me carry you and get to the car." He kissed your head. You were too in pain to reject him, so you let him carry you to the car. You felt calm and though the pain was still there, it wasn't as bad as it was before. He put you in the front seat next to him and adjusted the seat so you were laying down instead of sitting. The cramps were getting worse. He hated seeing you in pain. He covered you with a blanket he had stored in the back seats. You were still sniffing here and there as your mood swings and cramps were getting the best of you, and that you really felt uncared for through his words, though he probably didn't even mean it. During the car ride home he put on calm music. After you got home, Kylian carried you carefully bridal style. He opened the door and softly laid you down on the couch and you looked up with half lidded eyes. You had almost fallen asleep on the ride back. The lights started to wake you up as you whined, wanting to go back to sleep. You wanted to make everything okay again.

Kylian was about to head to the bedroom to go get something until you held his hand. "D-did you mean it? When you said you wanted to do something you actually enjoy and that was to go out? Am I too boring?" You mumbled. He sighed before sitting right by you. He leaned down towards you as he placed a kiss on your forehead, and then your nose, and then your lips.

"N-no. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have walked away when you were talking to me like that. I should have listened to what you were going to say. I'm sorry I didn't take care of you, I'm sorry you had to go through this because I'd me. I do love you, so much.

And I promise we'll solve our conflicts together. Okay? we'll talk the rest out tomorrow, rest and sleep now okay?"

You nodded, trusting his words. He was never one to disrespect you and you know he wouldn't say anything like that and mean it. You decided you'd just talk to him tomorrow and that you'd go to bed for now. He made you mean to eat and put a heat pack on your stomach as he peppered your face with kisses and rubbed your belly so that you could go to sleep. You cuddled against his chest as he hummed a tune that you could sleep too. He cooed at your sleeping figure. He pressed a last kiss against your head after passing out right next to you.

[red-bat-arse]

Get High, Get Down

Eddie Munson was a year and a half out from surviving his trip into the Upside Down, and overall things couldn't be better. He'd been taking testosterone, loving up on Steve Harrington, and getting orgasms on the regular. So what's the problem?

Was it that he had a harder time crying, that he needed to eat twice as much as he used to, or that he was horny as often as he had his eyes open? No, surprisingly, and all of those things had cooled off a little in time. Was it that even looking at Steve got him hotter than the hood of the Beemer on a summer day? No, what are you crazy?

Actually, if you must know, it was that he couldn't fucking chill out long enough to take dick and that was pretty much the only thing he wanted to do at the moment.

*I wrote an incredibly horny homage to my own hangups being a transsexual man on T navigating sex -and using grass to do it. Pass by if that's not for you! Here's the first third, the full spicy thing is on AO3*

Link

Listen, the thing about being on testosterone, right, is that for the first couple years you're basically re-doing puberty all over again.

This was something Eddie'd been prepared for ever since he first got to talking to the guys in Indianapolis who'd been on hormones one way or another since the sixties and seventies. It had been a bit of a pipe dream for him given he couldn't see a way out of Hawkins long term, but he still wanted to learn what to expect and what to say to his doctor if he ever got that far.

Eddie knew he'd already got a bit of a boon, since Wayne let him shave his head and change his name after dear old dad got locked up when he was eleven. If it'd been anyone else, Eddie likely would've spent the seven years until he hit eighteen miserable and forced into a pretty pink box, whatever he had to say about it be damned. Certainly his mum's side didn't appreciate having a tranny in the family, but they were all assholes anyway and Eddie was happy to wreck any family gathering where his cousins 'she'd' him -and getting banned when he was fifteen was just a bonus. It's not as if Wayne cared.

But yeah, he moved to Hawkins and became Eddie Munson, and he grew into the freak the town knew him as partly because, well, that's who he was, but also to keep any rumours manageable. Who was going to care about him skipping out on gym when all the jocks spread around that he sucked dick behind the bleachers anyway? Who would notice his voice sometimes going high pitched when he was tired when he'd just finished ranting on a lunch table about forced conformity and bullshit American values? Not the idiots at Hawkins High, anyway.

And everyone was too busy trying to hunt him down and kill him to look into his records before moving in with Wayne -not that any survived the jumping around Al Munson did for the three years he went off the rails once mum died.

So it was a scare, really, when one Sam Owens shuffled into his hospital room a few weeks after everything went down with enough paperwork to put a cramp in Eddie's wrist and a quiet question about the reason his records didn't match his body. The guy pretty quickly backtracked when Eddie's heart monitor spiked through the roof, and reassured him he didn't mean any harm -far from it. He rambled on about proper treatment and government doctors and medical records for a bit, before Eddie cut him off and asked him to spell it out for him before he yelled for one of those said doctors to come and escort him out.

Well, turns out in the matter of replacing the few IDs him and Wayne had that were lost with half the trailer, it came up that the doctors who were overseeing him noticed he didn't exactly have a dick as claimed. Ok, Owens didn't say it like that, but you get the idea. So he was here to figure out what was going on, whether someone was massively messing up on their examination logs, and how to fix it in the quietest, smoothest way possible.

"Well I'm a guy, so jot that down," Eddie said, frankly exhausted, and luckily Owens seemed able to read the room.

Owens talked more about what he'd researched after speaking with Wayne and jumping to some conclusions, a group he'd called out of SanFran that had information on FTM experiences and the few medical advances for them in recent years, and it was all very interesting, really. Eddie didn't even feel weird about confirming it, though he'd never actually called himself transsexual out loud to anyone, and it was a little annoying how Owens nodded along as if he hadn't said anything noteworthy. He was wondering again what the point of it all was when Owens brought out a new folder, much slimmer, and pushed it towards Eddie with a funny little smile on his face.

And just like that, all Eddie's IDs said male on them, and he was set up on a testosterone prescription from an actual real life doctor and pharmacy -apparently natural guys got prescribed shots like that on the regular, who knew? Eddie hadn't ever thought he'd be able to get a doctor to sign off on it, let alone afford it, but all of The Party were being taken care of for the next five years at least, and got handouts besides, so he had time to figure it out.

As mentioned, this all meant that from the summer of 1986 through to New Year's Eve 1987, Eddie'd basically been putting himself through a second, much more wonky and unpredictable puberty. It had it's upsides. He didn't have to pay attention to keeping his voice low, he got a bit of bristly scruff as opposed to faking it with mascara, and even his muscles seemed to shift and sit differently. It was great and if Owens hadn't been part of such a shitty operation Eddie might've sent him a Christmas card over it, he was so thankful.

Of course, there were some drawbacks. He didn't cry as often, needed to eat twice as much, had to buy better deodorant and body wash, to name a few. Oh, and also, he was out of his mind horny with alarming consistency.

Eddie definitely didn't remember Jeff, Toby or Gareth complaining about this shit, although to be fair as a friend group they hadn't ever really talked crushes or embarrassing bodily functions much. He supposed he expected it to some degree, but it was kind of a lot and he didn't exactly have a threshold for normal FTM second puberty milestones here. He wasn't exactly complaining, mind you, because by virtue of gaining his little clit-dick, he was experiencing more orgasms in the average week than he used to give himself in a couple months. It was hard to complain about anything that made him feel that good with little to no drawbacks.

Well, no drawbacks now that he was approaching the two year mark and his libido was cooling off a smidge. No longer was he in danger of an ill-advisedly tight pair of jeans leading him to lock himself in the employee bathroom while on the clock so he could get himself off at lightning speed to work without being distracted -hypothetically, right, that was definitely just a completely made up scenario, one he for sure didn't have to worry about anymore. Again, having a dick was awesome.

So yes, he was horny on the regular. It had cooled off a bit, but he still comfortably got himself off around once a day, more if something set him off thinking dirty thoughts and he had the time to spare. That was preferable to any imagined, totally not even plausible bathroom incidents he definitely didn't need to think about. It would've even been manageable, truly, if not for one small, teeny, tiny, extra little facet of Eddie's journey going through all this after the shitshow that was March '86.

That being that he and one Steve Harrington -of the Loch Nora Harringtons, lately lapsed in residence to the house where Eddie had once sold his wares of grass and grog -were, as of late October, an item. Attached. Going steady. Courting one another in a manner of chaste companionship, if you will.

Was this what Eddie was complaining about? Absolutely not and if anyone implied such a thing Eddie had words prepared for them detailing just how abysmally wrong they were about it. He could barely believe it himself, but he knew a good thing when he saw one and wasn't about to let it go easily. Ever since the anniversary of Vecna's defeat when Hopper hosted The Party out at his cabin and Eddie and Steve ended up pressed together by the fire, the last two awake, too drunk by far, but not drunk enough to stop Eddie from crying into Steve's shoulder, they'd been circling each other. It took a bit, granted, since Eddie was nothing if not self-sabotaging when it came to crushes, but Steve had been braver than him and ended an elaborate series of near kisses that drove Eddie up a wall with a perfect one planted on him in the front room of the trailer after dinner.

It was bliss, a small town gay like Eddie landing a guy as sweet and protective and bitchy as Steve. And even more than that, Steve seemed to be just as infatuated as Eddie was; he'd liked to touch and be nearby when they were friends, but adding romance dialed it up to another level. An arm around his waist, a leg over his thighs, fingers on his wrist or bumping hips, Steve loved being close and Eddie wasn't used to it, but it was fast becoming his favourite thing. Figuring out that Steve loved getting pet-named and blushed to high heaven whenever Eddie complimented him was icing on the cake. Give him the whole box, really.

So what was the problem?

[luciluck2046-md]

Murder Drones: Glowing Future AU

1. Two Full Days

"UZI, WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD WEAR FOR SCHOOL????" N asks me.

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"I don't know, whatever is fine. You don't need cool clothes to make friends anyway." I mumble tired.

I got almost no sleep, it's the first time I had three other people in my room. And it's very weird.

"Uzii~ Can I kill-" V starts saying.

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"NO YOU CAN'T KILL ANYONE. YET." I yell at her, slapping my face.

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"Nah do whatever you want V, it's not like she can do anything to you." J says.

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"UGHHHHHHH Why did I let you all sleep in my room?" I start rumbling.

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"Because I asked you?" N says confused. I nod, then start banging my head on the dresser repeatedly.

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"Uzi you're going to break the closet." I hear mom from the doorframe. I groan loudly.

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"CAN ANYONE SHUT UP FOR FIVE MINUTES, I JUST WOKE UP, I CAN'T DEAL WITH ALL THIS SHIT SO FUCKING EARLY!" I yell at everyone. Never had more than 2 people directly talking to me and this is getting annoying.

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"Oh, sorry!" N tells me with a sad voice. I jump to give him a pat, but I think it felt more like a hit-

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"Awwww you're so cute toghether, it would be a shame if someone killed both of you right now! :3" J says.

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"... J, if you keeps saying you're sorry, DON'T FUCKING MESS WITH ME." I yell at her. "Or mom. I actually don't recommend that since she managed to slap Cyn out of me. Literally." I mumble embarrassed.

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"OF COURSE, NO DAUGHTER OF MINE IS GOING TO DATE ONE OF THOSE THINGS." Mom starts saying.

V is blowing bubbles... In this situation. For some obvious reason.

"Mom you married dad. You cannot say anything about my FIRST relationship." I tell her.

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"Ohhhh someone's having the first fight with her mother!~" V says sarcastically.

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"BITE ME!" Me and mom yell in the same time. Maybe me and her aren't that different, both of us like a lovable idiot.

N is trying to say something but he is still on mute. "N, you can talk now, I got energized enough." I laugh.

"You should hurry guys, it's getting late." My mom says.

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"OH FUCK YEAH SCHOOL, FORGOT ABOUT IT." I yell, packing my bag in a hurry.

𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂

I am spinning around a pen, bored and kinda sad that I didn't get to sit next to N. Not being at school for the past week showed it's mark. I forgot how BO-RING it was.

"By the way, we have three new classmates. I don't know their names, and I don't care about that." The teacher says exiting the room. I chuckle a little.

"Uzi, how are you going through this every day?" J asks me bored. She had to sit next to N, since V was already sitting next to Lizzy. And N was the only one actually paying attention to the lesson. So he had no time to talk with anyone. I saw her banging her head on the table. The whole lesson.

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"Don't ask me, I'm already missing the times when I haven't met you three, I actually had something to daydream about." I mumble. I am not mentioning that I was planning the extermination of Disassembly Drones and humanity. "Now I'm stuck in this bunker since the sun now kills me and there's nothing to do outside." I add.

"UZI UZI UZI, SCHOOL IS SO FUN!!!!" N comes and intrerupts me. Literally everyone is looking at us, and the teacher trough the windows.

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"MOTHER FUCKER, THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!???" J is yelling at him.

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"But it was fun..?" He responds disappointed.

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"Well, I'm glad that you like it but PLEASE don't forget the fact that I hate this." I tell him.

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"This Was, So Boring. Let Me Out. Let Me Out. Let Me Out." We all suddenly hear. V is going gun mode.

"I TAUGHT THAT CYN DIED????" She yells.

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"BOSS YOU'RE BACK???? Not like I want to be bad anymore but.." J mumbles.

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"School Is, Boring. I Don't, Like It." I hear from behind, specifically, from my tail.

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"UHHH GUUYS DID MY TAIL JUST TALK!?" I yell looking frightened at the now yellow eyed creature on the tip of my tail.

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"What." We all look at my tail surprised.

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"Holy shit it talks." V mumbles.

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"HEY THAT WAS MY LINE!" I yell at her.

|

"I Am Now, Stuck Here. I Want My, Body Back." Cyn talks again.

|

"... I did not expect that my tail would talk now." I rumble completely ignoring her.

|

"My condolences." V tells me.

|

"But nobody died- Oh..." I say as I get the joke. "Yeah, RIP my sanity." I laugh.

|

"Hey. I Am Not, That Bad." Cyn says.

Silence. Then J starts laughing. V too. Then all of us are laughing except N, which is looking at us confused.

"Okay now let's get to our lockers, I am not staying in this classroom anymore." I say, rushing out the door.

I open my locker to check if I still have one book there.

"Whatcha doing?" I hear from behind.

I turn back, expecting V or J or Thad or anyone in general.

"AGHH! Oh it's you... Warn me before talking, how are you so silent when you walk?" I ask N, that sneaked from behind.

|

"Padded feet. Exceptionally good for surprise attacks." He responds, responding quite literally. I smile. His personality is so cute.

|

"Oh. And to answer your previous question, I have a present for you." I tell him, finally finding an edge of that book I've been searching, hidden by magazines and two random limbs.

|

"Ta-dah! A How-To-Draw-Anime book!" I say handing it to him.

|

"What's an anime?" He asks me confused.

|

"WRONG MOVE, NOW YOUR FATE IS SEALED." I hear Lizzy talking to N from the other end of the hallway.

|

"Ohh boy..." I laugh. He doesn't know what he asked  >:3

𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂

"... I still don't get it." N says at the end of school.

Me, V, J and Cyn are complet speechless.

|

"HOW THE FUCK YOU STILL DON'T GET IT??? I ALREADY KNOW EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN WORD SHE SAID!!!" J is yelling at him.

|

"I'll show you an anime tomorrow, I don't have time today, I got that homework to do." I tell him.

|

"Cool, anyway, I'll be with V and Lizzy walking around the bunker." J tells me and N, leaving the room with V.

"... I  guess we're alone now??" N says surprised. I laugh.

|

"No, we're going home. I will make that homework. And if there's free time we'll maybe hang out." I say, taking his hand walking out of the class with him.

Wait I'm holding his hand???? OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK!!!!

"Uzi, are you alright..?" N asks me after we get out of the school.

|

"... What do you mean- OH FUCK!" I yell, feeling warmth coming from my screen. I try to hide my blushing face with my hands.

|

"How much have I been blushing..?" I ask him embarrassed.

|

"Not much, but you weren't looking as confident as usual." He says.

|

"OHHHHHHHHH... You're absorbing my rebellious angsty teen confidence, give it back!" I yell at him playfully.

|

"Nuh uh, it's mine now." He plays along.

We both laugh, then I notice some drones pointing at N and whispering things. I suddenly go from happy to mad, but N is still laughing. I try to distract myself from this, so I decide to play a game.

"LAST ONE HOME IS GOING TO HAVE TO LISTEN TO CYN FOR THE NEXT HOUR!" I yell at N, bringing my wings out and starting to fly towards my home.

Cyn comments something about this but I don't actually listen to her.

"OH YOU STARTED BEFORE ME, THAT'S NOT FAIR." He yells behind me then he says something I don't understand. He catches up to me, and I slow down.

|

"What was the last thing you said?" I ask him amused. He doesn't look amused. He looks confused.

|

"Uzi, your wing-" He says.

|

"Huh?" I ask him, then I stop to look at my wings. "OH MY ROBO-GOD I LOOK SO BADASS!" I yell happily.

N laughs too.

"Now let's do it fair, and only by running." I say, sprinting towards the door to my house.

I've always been the fastest in class, despite my height. But N quickly catches up and I remember he's so much taller than me.

"Aw fuck." I say when I finally get to the door of my house, looking at N happily jumping.

|

"I won!" He keeps repeating. I chuckle, unlocking the door.

"Daaaaad, mooooom, I'm baaaaack!" I say, going straight to my room. But it's locked. Dad comes to me.

|

"Not today, me and Nori decided for our first family gathering!" He says.

Mom is running towards us (not too fast, the little legs don't really help).

"We can let that for TOMORROW, she got homework you dummy." She tells him.

|

"OH THANK YOU MOM!" I say, unlocking the door with my ~mAgIc~

"You seem a bit annoyed." N tells me.

|

"Yeah because dad doesn't know how to parent well and mom has missed most of my life, but I can't blame her for that." I rumble.

|

"I never had a family other than Tessa..." He whispers.

|

"Awww don't worry, you are my boyfriend now, I'll make you feel like you are part of a family now." I try to say as sweet as I can.

He starts cheering quietly.

"Now let's get to work... The subject was 'a slice of life' I think... I can write about how we saved the world an all?" I whisper to myself. "N can you please get my phone from my backpack?" I ask him, booting up my laptop and preparing to load some images to make the MOST ELITE HOMEWORK!!!!

|

"Here it is!" He says, throwing it towards me. I catch it and immediately conect the head buds wires to listen to music.

|

"What song it is?" N asks me innocently.

|

"No idea, I just put some random nightcore playlist." I say, typing aggressively.

|

"Can I listen?" He asks.

|

"Oh sure, but my phone's volume is really loud, I warn you." I respond, taking out one wire and giving it to him.

He's being quiet for the next five songs, and I write the rest of the homework. Now all I have to do is to load the images!

"How's the music?" I ask him before I take an USB cable to load up the images.

|

"Huh..? Oh it's pretty cool!" He answers.

|

"Good because you're going to have to listen to this for basically the rest of your life." I laugh.

|

"I Think, It's Okay." Cyn says.

|

"OH FUCK- Oh yeah you're able to control my tail now, I forgot. But thanks for liking it." I rumble. "Okay now I want you two to be quiet, I'm doing some more important work now." I tell N and Cyn after I plug the cable in the laptop.

|

"Okay!" N says on a happy voice.

𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂

"WE'RE HOME BITCHES!!!!" I get woken up by J's yelling from the entrance.

|

"SHHHH Uzi's sleeping!" N tells them whispered. I still keep my eyes closed, I want to see where this is going.

|

"Okay and?" She asks him bored.

|

"J, give her a break, she barely had any sleep this night. And yesterday was a tiring day for all of us." V scolds her.

|

"WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THIS." J yells annoyed.

|

"J, that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve this! She is letting us stay here too!" N tells her.

|

"We can as well sleep like we always did. Outside." She complains.

|

"And be loved by nobody? Be outside society? Just get back to having no friends? I am not doing that." V says confidently.

|

"I approve with V." My boyfriend says.

|

"Uggghhhhhh, if you wanna stay, I'll stay, alright... I don't like this though." V rumbles. "Anyway why's that sentient toaster sleeping on her table and not bed?" She asks.

|

"School project." He responds. "I didn't know what to do so I let her sleep there-"

I try not to laugh. He's so cute and innocent!

"... UZI WAKE THE FUCK UP AND GO SLEEP TO YOUR OWN BED." J yells.

|

"GIRL GO TO FUCKING HELL!" I yell at her slapping her in the face.

V is laughing loudly and N is a little confused, but smiling.

"YOU BITCH!" J says.

|

"You yelled at me, I got startled so I hit you. My actions are justified." I tell her.

"Hey Uzi, you hungry?" V asks me.

|

"OH YEAH!!!" I tell her. I didn't even realize that I didn't eat any oil for the entire day!

|

"Alright, I saved you an arm, say thanks." She tells me, giving me the limb from her backpack.

|

"THANKS A LOT." I say, drinking the oil from it until only the rough metal can be chewed. "Wait did you kill someone?" I ask her surprised.

|

"No, I found someone already dead. OF COURSE I DID SO, WE GET HUNGRY, YOU KNOW?" V answers annoyed.

|

"It was some random guy that Lizzy had beef with." J says, using her claw hand as a toothpick.

|

"Kevin?" I ask V.

|

"Yes, Kevin, that motherfucker." She responds.

"Uzi can we see an anime?" N asks me.

|

"OH YES!!! I already have a video saved, do you two want to see it?" I ask the two other drones.

V nods, but J isn't as happy about this.

"Can you three just sleep?" She asks us, already hanging from the ceeling.

|

"NO. >:3" I respond like the little goblin that I am."

𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~

I find myself in a white space.

Doll teleports in front of me.

Wasn't she dead though?

She tells me something.

"Привет, Узи. Давно не виделись, да? / 𝙷𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚘, 𝚄𝚣𝚒. 𝙻𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚗𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚎, 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝??"

"How are you here?"

I ask her.

I hear no answer, and everything turns to black.

𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂

"Uzi? Uzi!? UZI ARE YOU OKAY!?!?!?" I barely hear. I open my eyes tired.

N was shaking me, trying to wake me up.

"Good morning to you too N." I mumble. I take my blouse from my chair and put it on.

|

"Uzi, you weren't waking up and I taught you may have died and-" N tells me panicked.

|

"He didn't belive me when I said you're alright." V says bored. "Now hurry up you lovebirds, class is almost starting and Thad already got in a figth with someone." She adds, looking at her phone.

|

"N, go to school for the first class without me, I have to run a quick virus scan." I rumble.

|

"UZI IS EVERYTHING OKAY????" N asks me worried. I chuckle.

|

"Yeah, it's just that I had a weird dream..." I say amused.

|

"Bitch we can't dream." J says coming from the kitchen.

|

"EXACTLY!!" I yell, it's obvious. "So please go without me, tell the teach that I'll be late." I tell N, heading to my chair and getting ready to have the virus scan.

|

"Okay... Take care!!!!" N says leaving, still on a worried voice.

I am now alone in my room, and I adjust my chair to get ready for the virus scan.

"Uzi? I couldn't help but overhear you..." I hear from my door a second before I start it.

|

"Yes mom, what's with it?" I say bored.

|

"Let me tell you a little something... That may have not been a dream." She says.

|

"Well YES? THAT'S WHY I WANT TO RUN A VIRUS SCAN." I yell. I am so tired and do not ready for today.

|

"... I don't mean it as in a virus... You know I had some prophecies a little while ago, I think your dad told you." She says whispered, closing the door.

|

"Yeah, yeah, 'bEwArE tHe CoMiNg SkY dEmOnS!', I've seen the closet where he keeps your stuff." I mumble bored. "Can you say what you want for once so I can get the scan going?" I ask her annoyed.

|

"THOSE 'DREAMS' ARE FUCKING PROPHECIES." She says back.

|

"Oh fuck-" I say, remembering the details. "I'll still run a virus scan." I add.

|

"And I have taught that my daughter was a bit more understanding... What was it about?" She asks me.

I sit quietly. And try to explain.

"So uhhmmmm... You know, Doll died, but uhhmm... In the dream she was back, and she told me 'long time no see.' and it's a bit worrying..." I explain.

|

"Well Nikolai teached Yeva a lot about programming and mechaniscs, they might actually be able to restore her, you know?" She says.

|

"Mom, you know they're dead, right? V got her hands on them-" I tell her surprised.

|

"WHAT!? I FUCKING TOLD YOU TO STOP DATING A FUCKING MURDER DRONE." She starts scolding me.

|

"Mom he's actually an angsty rebel like me but that's unrelated. Doll's house is a bit worrying, you might need to see it later, but I am going to school now." I respond annoyed, running out the door and trying to get to class on time now.

𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂

[...]

"AND NOW I CAN DO THIS!!!!! >:3" I yell, seeing everyone yell in fear to my wings and absolute solver powers.

"YEAH GO UZI GOO!!!" N is yelling from the back. J is commenting something about our relationship but V is slapping her.

"Uzi, are you aware that I said a 'slice of life' and not an essay about a superhero." The teacher tells me after he's finished with banging his head on the table.

|

"ISN'T SAVING THE WORLD GOOD ENOUGH???" I yell at him annoyed.

|

"Actually no. Solving your crippling daddy issues is worth one point of the rubric, but that romance is actually taking two points. Miss Doorman, your essay is a -1 point." He says.

I look at him annoyed, then I go back to my seat. I look back at N, and he's giving me thumbs up.

"You did such a great presentation!" N tells me after class.

|

"You're right, the teacher was so wrong- WAIT WHERE ARE MY BOOKS???" I yell seeing that the chemestry and math and physics books that I use to climb on to get to my locker properly.

|

"What's the problem?" He asks me confused. "I CAN'T GET TO MY FUCKING LOCKER, WHO THE FUCK STOLE MY BOOKS?" I yell on the hallway.

|

"I can help!" N tells me.

|

"Huh, what do you meAAAN! OF FUCK LET ME DOWN LET ME DOWN LET ME DOWN" I yell at him because he picked me up. He puts me back down and I turn back at him.

|

"Oh... Sorry..." He says disappointed.

|

"Hey, I'm not angry, please just ask before doing things, okay?" I explain to him. "I also didn't expect to be lifted up. But if you really want to help, can you plase give me the manga from the top shelf?" I ask him smiling.

|

"Sure! I love doing anything!" He says smiling, and he hands me the book.

|

"How are you even that tall?

|

"Oh, I was made for ground attacks, so I am bigger, that making me faster and it's harder for me to fall." He explains automatically.

I laugh. "Well my COOL AS FUCK RAIL GUN was no match for you. >:3 " I say to annoy him. Then I think at how I shot J and the weird worm-

|

"Well I don't regret not killing you." He smiles.

|

"What?" I ask him jockingly.

|

"That idiot means that he doesn't regret being a bitch and rebelling against the company." J says, passing us.

|

"N will you let me kill J pretty please-" I beg him.

|

"No, you gave me a chance, she deserves one too." He responds firmly, but half of his sentence is covered by the ringing bell.

"OH FUCK WE'RE LATE, HURRY!" I yell, dragging him to our class.

𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂

"Hey Uzi, did you finish your homework? Nori wants to go see Doll's house apparently. She wants to check out her doors, can you belive this!" Dad says entering my room.

|

I roll over my eyes. "Yeah dad, I am ready. N is coming too." I say.

|

"NO HE'S NOT, THIS IS A MOTHER-DAUGHTER MOMENT." I hear mom yelling from the other room.

|

"Ughhh okay!" I respond annoyed. "N, will you, V and J be some good drones and not kill anyone? There's oil in the fridge and there's paper with crayons on my desk." I tell them, going outside with my mom.

.

..

...

We two walk quietly half the way until Doll's house.

"How was Doll?" Mom asks me at one point.

|

"Well... She was Lizzy's best friend. One of the popular girls." I mumble.

|

"Wall aren't you popular too?" She asks me amused.

|

"AW HELL NAW!" I yell. "I'm the weird rebel teen, not the popular preppy girl." I tell her. "Plus most people hate me anyways..." I add whispering.

We're not saying anything for the next minute.

"You know... Me and Yeva were very good friends. She would worry too much about the future and I wouldn't worry about anything." Mom randomly tells me.

|

"Well all that Doll did was try to kill V. I mean she has some pretty good reasons but we grow, forgive and forget." I say.

|

"And kill humans?" She adds to my sentences.

|

"I also had my 'kill all humans' phase. They're shit. And then we are the ones ending the world." I roll my eyes.

|

"Not all of them. I kept hearing one of your friends talk about some human in their sleep." She tells me bored. "A bunch of good things. But that's keeping me out at night. How can you even sleep?" She asks me.

|

"I don't know, I'm tired all the time. And this is becoming much more of a bigger problem every day." I mumble.

That's the last thing I say before arriving to Doll's house.

It looks... The same. But it looks like nobody entered in a while.

"It's locked, good thing I can destroy the door-" Mom says but I pick her up.

|

"Not today. I have the key, no solver needed." I tell her, before putting her back down. It's weird to hold my own mom.

I unlock the door. The house is all dark, except the millions of eyes that are looking at us. I turn of eyes that are looking at us. I turn on the light, and the red fills the room.

"SHE LIVED LIKE THAT-" Mom asks surprised.

|

"I'm telling you that I almost died here because of a murder attempt. Twice." I rumble. "And here's also where my solver powers first activated..." I say a little more quietly.

|

"Well this seems promising- OH ROBO-GOD WHAT'S THAT!?" She yells after she sees the bunch of bugs climbed on Doll's parents' bodies.

|

"... Uhh... This is your old friend I guess." I tell her, approaching the bugs to scare them away.

The bodies of Yeva and Nikolai are still sitting there, the same way they did two weeks ago. Mom is speechless. Then she goes in another room.

"MOM WHERE ARE YOU GOING????" I yell.

|

"I need to see their computers." She says from the other room.

I enter where she went. It's a room I didn't actually notice existing. It's full of computers and laptops, and they seem... Quite new. Mom boots up one of the laptops. I move my hand to try to help mom do things easier.

|

"DO NOT touch anything!" She yells worried. "Knowing Yeva's hacking knowledge, every single device in this house can get you a pretty nasty virus." She adds. I now try to be more careful and to not even touch the floor if possible.

The screen to the laptop mom turned on lights up, and it asks for a password. I hear her mumble something, then she types 'игрушечный_пистолет', and it was right????

"MOM HOW DID YOU KNOW HER PASSWORD???" I ask her.

|

"We were friends. Wow, you really need to socialize more." She responds amused.

I groan, but watch how she navigates on the laptop.

"What are you doing?" I ask her.

|

"Searching for a backup program. I am pretty sure Yeva would have done something like that, or at least would have teached her daughters how to make one." She responds. "Okay, it doesn't seem to be on THIS laptop, we only have to check the rest... 29 devices!" She adds annoyed.

|

"Uhhmm... I'll leave you the key... I am going back home, dad must be going crazy with all those crazy people inside my room." I say, and I run out the door.

But before I get out of the house, I see something sparkle in the kitchen. I go there, and I see a phone light up from a call. It looks a lot like Doll's broken phone, the one she had before she changed it. An unknown number is calling it. The vibration is annoying me. Then it stops. I guess the caller ended- NO THAT MOTHER FUCKER IS CALLING BACK.

"OH DEAR ROBO-GOD JUST CLOSE ALREADY!" I say, picking up the phone from the table, and trying to end the call. It doesn't work. "Ughhh go to fucking HELL." I yell, throwing the phone into the wall.

The next second I get a notification on my screen.

File Download Starting

█  ❘  ❘  ❘  ❘  ❘  ❘  ❘  ❘  ❘  ❘  ❘  ❘

Force Stop | Close Notification

"Oh fuck. FORCE STOP FORCE STOP FORCE STOP-" I yell, trying to chose force stop but it doesn't work and it automatically chooses close notification.

|

"Everything alright Uzi?" I hear mom asking me from the other room.

|

"Uhhmm... Uh yes, I just left the key on the counter!" I lie, putting the key on the table and leaving to go home.

𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂

"UZIIIII YOU'RE BAAACK!" N runs and hugs me when I enter the room. I chuckle.

|

"Yeah, did you guys behave?" I ask the three drones.

|

"Mhm." V says, texting on her phone.

|

"Yup. N yapped about that anime you you three watched yesterday. He finally shut up. Thanks." J responds annoyed.

|

"Yeah, thanks- Wait you alright?" V adds, but then she looks at me, and she looks worried.

|

"What do you-" Is all I get to say before collapsing down. I put my hand on my face, trying to get the heat to calm down. N is looking around scared, but he finds a can of oil and hands it to me.

|

"Take this." He tells me. I drink it, and relax, chilling down. "You should start drinking oil more often, you overheat faster than us!" He warns me.

|

"I know, I know, I am still getting used to having to keep Cyn inside my head." I mumble. But that's not what I'm worrying right now.

"Wanna see what I drew?" N asks me, trying to get me out of my taughts I think.

|

"Sure!" I smile. He takes a piece of paper from the table and shows me a dog. It looks like all his other drawings but I can't say he's bad at drawing, he's going to learn one day!

|

"Very good drawing N!" I compliment him.

|

"Kill yourselves." J says. "I'm out, at least Lizzy knows how to not be gross." She adds, leaving the room.

|

"Soo, what are we doing now?" V asks us bored. "And no N, no anime." She adds the second N opens his mouth to talk.

I hear the door unlock, and I guess mom came back.

"How about we have some time to find more about all of us?" Dad asks me. Mom is shaking her head in disapproval behind him.

"Oh, sure mister Khan!" N says happily. Me and V exchange glances. We both know we're already fucked.

𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂~𖥂

Prev | Next | Masterpost

End of Chapter 1!!! I hope you liked it. I have wrote a bunch of stories before (that aren't finished yet) but I decided to try to do something different, to make the dialogue stand out more. If you liked the fanfic, or if you want to leave your opinion, coment on the fanfic, or write me on my Tumblr or Pinterest.

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𝘔𝘠 II2 17 FBF ANALYSIS PT2

//𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 ii2 17 trailer spoilers :3

2/2

Splitting this into 2 parts was the worst decision ever💔

Anyways-

*We go back to Mecloud with the finalists to see them carelessly thrown into a white padded room. The reason Cobs would need a room like this is unapparent to me. 😭 this is where that zoom in on Suitcase that I didn't mention comes in! (Thanks for putting everything soooo out of order, AE 🤩💜)

They seemed to get out of the cuffs by some means, I believe this is either bc they 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 a way to get them off, or the cuffs were temporary, and popped off when Steve closed that door. There is a hole in this door that I'll mention again (thanks for making my job sooooo easy, AE. 😘/sarc)

We then get a zoom in on Mephone X. Forgot about him! Oopsies!!

One thing I want to notice- 𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦. I think his next victim is someone in purgatory mansion, so, that'll be fun!!

Things are brought back to the Hotel, with a new group of onlookers. Paper is among them, notable because he wasn't in the circle. This is not to say he's 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦, (we know you like to put things out of order, AE🥳), but maybe that will soothe the Paper fans. (Me.)

What we see next is the first ss of part 2 (I used that to sum up all the shots we get of Knife snd Suitcase in that room) as we see knife try to break out. Suitcase is in the back talking to him, but I can see what she might be telling him. Maybe reassurance? It's clear from her face she isn't talking much about how to get out, or at least that's what I think. Oh! And back to the hole in the door, (it's back!! 🎉) we see Steve with his hand on the glass talking into it, presumably to the finalists. And finally time for me to talk about my theories for why his glasses are broken. ↓

In my analysis of the trailer snippet, I talked about how one of the reasons the finalists (and possibly suitcase (now proven also suitcase)) could have been cuffed was if Knife went back to his 'brutish' side, and ACTUALLY punched Steve. THIS SUPPORTS THAT. Ugh I NEED to see that sorry. (Oomfie is hoping he fell flat on his face like a dumbass 💜) but by God please tell me your theories on this.

Things pan back to lightbulb, (presumably before the later circling if I can call it that) I shown with that same leader-like vigor aforementioned. I think this is early on in the episode, as Bomb is shown on the couch playing video games as he was before, AND when the circle was made, the console was unplugged, so it couldn't have been after the fact.

We then go back to the white room, with suitcase walking to (what I believe is) the door, with a less grim look on her face.

I believe this is her with an idea of how to get out, trying to show - a still reluctant to listen to her - Knife.

(Ik I'm being brief with my recapping, I'm tired. 😭)

Back at hotel OJ, we can see Paper yelling at salt. Pepper seems to have a furrow to her eyebrows in the first few frames (this will prolly be my only benefit to doing this frame by frame 💔) suggesting that she's with either Paper or Salt strongly in this argument. They both at some point are pointing (haha) at OJ, or what's left of him, as they talk, making it easy to tell that this conversation is about him. (If that want clear from the fact that OJ is the only influential person that Paper and Salt have in common.)

We get a quick glance back in purgatory mansion on Marshmallow angrily trying to rationalize whatever situation they're in to the rest for who's there. This once again supports the idea the some there has/will die due to Mephone x.

And now guess what time it is

That's right!!

Circle time.

And update!! Mephone is in the center of the circle. Whether he asked the contestants to put him there, or the contestants WANTED him there, is not so clear, though. Lightbulb seems to be storing out of the circle to do something. Also we get a quick jumpscare of suitcase before the scene changes again.

And don't you love AE being so silly? Because it looks like Mephone walking into hotel OJ! When did his ass even leave? We don't know! 🥳🤩🎉 he had a somber look on his face and watch me find out in the episode that he didn't even leave and that he's just standing in front of the door for some reason. ❤

I think that (somewhere in this episode) Bow will make that egg sound again. I mean. Look. ↓

(I'm sorry. I need to piece all of this together after I finish writing this.)

We also see (what I'm almost SURE is) Marshmallow, picking up a TV remote. Don't know why that's important yet. ❤

Back to things that ARE important!

Like Steve cobs sitting in a metal chair, smiling. His glasses are cracked here too. He's most likely looking at the finalists in the stadium we saw at the start.

And if the timeline of this ep wasn't confusing already (it is) it's even more so now! We next see Lightbulb outside of hotel OJ with Baxter and the pen Test tube got her. IMO, it seems like she's going out looking for Paintbrush. The fact that she's clicking the pen like nobody's business supports that tenfold.

Aaannd BACK TO THE STADIUM! We see two cages with either of the finalists open, both with anger splayed on their faces. But I'M more focuses on the background.

What even 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 back there? I'm done questioning why Steve has all of these rooms, because if Walkie talkie is going to take the time to tell Mephone that everything's/one's made for him, I'd believe it that she wasn't lying. 💀🙏

Once again to prove that they AREEE fighting to the death (I'm so sorry😭) suitcase takes a stance that she settles into as she exits. ;↓

I know my theory isn't strong, but I don't have much to work with here man.

After one last look at Steve on his desk chair with his glasses cracked, the trailer wraps up with a date in our faces.

And GODD AM I PUMPED! so sorry this was so long, and PLEASE Yap to me about this. I need to talk inanimate insanity or I will explode.

[sophieinwonderland]

this is gonna be a bit of a long and vent-y ask, so sorry, but... regarding all the shit with syspunk and whatnot-

man, this sucks.

all of this.

i have two options.

fight against hateful assholes, fight for our existence, fight to be heard, knowing that some of these people are just going to use this as a reason to hate me more, never knowing how many of these people are ones i managed to get to think, for even just a moment, about our existence maybe being a thing, and how many of these people i just provoked more. never knowing how much i "won," worrying that i may have just set us back instead of pushed us forward.

or stay silent. never calling people out, never trying to cite sources, always triple checking that i'm not breaking some random person's dni just in case, being careful about every little step i take in the hopes that i'll be "one of the good ones." i'll get to say that i didn't break a dni, i didn't break a boundary, i didn't invade a safe space. i'll get to have that as something to fall back on, i'll be able to say "see? i do respect you, i deserve a bit of respect too."

but the reality is neither of these are good options. both of these don't win. if i have the courage to speak out anyways, speak out in spite of that fear, then i can be one of those that people point to. i could be someone's example of "LOOK ANOTHER ONE, INVADING OUR TAGS!!!" i don't want to do that. plus i know that syscourse can genuinely be triggering for people. if i invade a space i deem to be hateful enough to warrant me entering anyways, and that ends up just hurting someone who just really wanted a space outside of syscourse, then that sucks. that sucks really bad. maybe i'm the bad guy in that situation. i don't wanna be the bad guy.

but it's not like i wanna just stop, you know? some of my posts i've tried to be vague because part of me wishes that an anti would read through it. part of me wants antis to see it and realize that i'm trying. realize that this cycle fucking sucks. part of me hopes that if i'm vague enough, they'll keep reading to see if i'm endo or anti or not, and if i prolong the point until i say that, they might give me a chance.

but i doubt it. the only people still reading are likely pro endos. the antis probably realized anyways, or the checked the tags, or whatever, but they stopped reading. or maybe once they knew who i was they stopped giving a shit and stopped taking what i write seriously.

i don't want to give in. i don't want to be quiet or tiny or respectful to these people that constantly, every single goddamn day, continue to deny science, continue to harass people, continue to break their own dnis, continue to send hate, continue to be horrid humans. i don't want to shut up and let them do that. in fact, i want to SCREAM. i want to be SO loud and angry about it, i want to kick and yell and never back down but it's so exhausting.

but all of it is exhausting. no matter what i do it's exhausting.

i'm so sick and tired of it. i'm so sick and tired of the constant invalidation. but most of all i'm sick and tired of being scared.

i'm so so scared about this. i'm scared i'm making the wrong decision. i'm scared i'm not helping our cause. i'm scared i'm making it worse. i'm scared i'll be a target. i'm scared that i'm saying the wrong things or using the wrong tags or invading the wrong space or even just- i guess i'm just scared to exist as an endo.

there is no guidebook for how to handle this. i'm pretty young, i'll likely be a part of the generation of people that gets to see at least some of this work pay off. but thinking about that future is scary. i want to be able to say i was on the side that fought for science, the side that fought for acceptance and love, the side that fought to be heard, i want to be able to say all that. but the idea that i might mess it up and further hinder our progress scares me.

everyone else seems so confident that they're on the right side. everywhere i go, it's "these people are bad, these are good," even within communities.

"yeah i'm anti endo but i fucking hate people who harass endos."

"yeah i'm pro endo but i don't think endos should be called systems."

"yeah i'm an endo and we should be invading these tags more."

"yeah i'm anti endo and i don't think they deserve any respect at all."

it's a lot to keep in mind how much i have to address everytime i speak. i have to keep in mind all my thoughts on anything, i have to make sure i seem credible and like i understand what i'm talking about. it's a fight for "how long can i get them to listen? how much of this do i have to water down for them to take me seriously?"

but none of it works anyway. sure, we get a couple people. and those couple people are so important to our cause, the few people we managed to convince, but for every person who decides to give us a shot, 10 more people just scrolled past, or got filled with even more rage, or worst case scenario, might have decided to harass me or another endo or pro endo.

it's a dilemma of "do i fight for this despite that because of the hope that in the long run, if we do this enough, people willl finally fucking listen, or do i quiet down and worry about it?" and even if i fight, thats a dilemma too! because, do i fight aggressively? respectfully? loudly? do i invade tags? do i break dnis? do i respect these people in hopes that they might accept me or just say "fuck it, they're never gonna respect me unless i get in their face?"

it's at times like these i remember that maybe i just gotta take a break from syscourse. gotta get off tumblr and draw for a bit or something.

but there's always the constant reminder that the future is relying partially on how many people stand up and riot. if i stand up and riot, maybe someone else will too. the more that we do stand up without fear, the more likely someone else will. and the more people that stand up the louder and harder to avoid we'll be. and if that happens, eventually people will realize that we're right.

i just wish that it was easier.

it's a nice reminder that there are people like you who do stand up, people that inspired me to be loud. it's nice to remember that i have a place that understands.

it's phrases like "the future is plural" and "punks protect endos" that make me so happy to exist and be part of this. we are here, and we are "plural, as in there are more of us than you think." (credit to @orange-orchard-system for the slogan)

stuff like that reminds me that this is part of the process. we are doing well.

the best way to win is to stay positive and be happy and be excited for the future rather than dread it.

so thanks for inspiring me! thanks for making me remember that this is all so worth it in the end!

(apologies if this is incoherent at all. i was kind of just rambling to ramble at the beginning)

I'm glad to have been able to inspire you. And yeah, trying to do the right thing is complicated. Knowing how and when to fight is difficult.

But can I tell you a secret?

Fighting for plural acceptance doesn't always look like literal fighting. Sometimes it's making Plegg culture blogs or plural-writing prompts.

You mention Orange Orchard System, and you should know that they rarely get directly involved in syscourse. And yet, through simply raising awareness and normalizing systems of all sorts, they're fighting bigotry in their own way every single day.

The way they're fighting back is just as important as what I do, if not more so.

All that is to say that you don't need to be involved in syscourse to make a difference. If you want to step away and focus on helping plurals in other ways, that's totally fine! I promise you won't be letting anyone down!

[dg-outlaw]

thanks for answering!! the reason I had asked was because. well. ever since I found out the word doggone existed I've been reading your URL as Doggone Outlaw. I don't even know what that word means 😭 anyways your explanation is way more understandable than whatever the fuck I was thinking, so thanks for clarifying!! (P.S. if you think yours is generic, mine is literally a variation of a username I've been using since middle school (awkward_af) so. it's much worse than yours)

LOL. This is actually awesome and hilarious, and I want to steal it for multiple reasons.

I'm from Texas and this is definitely the place where one might say "doggone" as a softer way of saying "damn". Same for "doggone it" for "dammit", "dagnabbit" for "goddammit", or "dadgum" for "goddamn". Basically, if you want some cliche redneck character in a kids movie to curse, these work without offending certain parents while keeping it PG.

I don't think I've ever legitimately said doggone. I'm just not that kind of Texan. Nor do I have a horse or any other cliche Texas thing, but I know more than enough about redneck culture and have the family to prove it. If anything I use dangit if I'm not actually cursing (because I'm at work, or around kids or family).

I can totally see some random character yelling out, "I'm sick and tired of that doggone outlaw, Red Hood. He's crossed me for the last time!" while shaking his fist in the air. Maybe Jason's in Texas fighting racist vampires, and just blew up some biker bar after a big fight. IDK.

I'm now seeing some sort of Road House (1989) type of fic with Jason as Patrick Swayze's character, Steph as Kelly Lynch's character, and Roy as Sam Elliot's character. IYKYK. Though I'd have Steph being more involved in the action as opposed to just eye candy love interest. (BTW: I haven't seen the new Gyllenhaal remake so I have no idea what the dynamics are in that film).

So yes, feel free to think of me as that Dadgum or Doggone Outlaw. 🤠

P.S. @qwkwqrdf4ck, as someone who remembers the ancient days of AOL Instant Messenger I get the nostalgia of the teenage screenname. I can't for the life of me remember any of mine, but I respect you for keeping the memory alive.

P.P.S. I initially read yours as "quick-wick-erd...?" and then I read the f4ck and then it made sense. And that's more of a judgment on me than you. My generation was less creative. It was often our name, initials, or favorite character plus our age or birth year... or favorite number if there was already a GokuFan16 and its variants. It truly was the digital wild west back then and we were mostly unsupervised.

[underworldobsessed]

WIP Wednesday

Okay, I'm kinda excited to do this, as it's definitely been a while since I've shared glimpses of my WIPS. Thank you @optiwashere for tagging me! I'm gonna tag @beetlesacquired, @the-blue-quetzalcoatl and @disneydreamlights but don't feel pressured if you want to do it!

Here we go! I'm gonna share four excerpts from my fics since I've got a lot of WIPs right now. I will note, most of them don't have names yet. I usually save that bit for last.

WIP 1 - Aylin and Isobel Meet Kurik. It's exactly as it sounds, it's the moment Aylin and Isobel meet little Kurik. I've been wanting to write more of these two forever and I figured this was the perfect excuse to do so.

“I haven’t heard from Alfira yet,” Nemeia mumbled. “I’m sure she’s going to bring Kurik a drum or a training lute.”  “I will lose my mind if she did that.” Shadowheart went to clean off her hands, disappearing into their kitchen. “None of us need a child with a drum.”  The three of them laughed, but that laughter died out when there was a knock at the door.   “We’re not expecting anyone…are we?” Shadowheart called over to them. Nemeia sat up, eyes narrowing just a bit. No, they weren’t expecting anyone, not that they could recall anyway. Magic sparked at their fingertips as they got up from their couch, knowing that they would forgo this peaceful moment if it meant protecting their family.  They inched towards the door, readying an eldritch blast, when they heard the voices, loud despite being behind the wood.  “Ally mine! It is Dame Aylin and darling Isobel! We have brought gifts for your new addition!” The voice rang out and Nemeia tried to relax, laughing.  “It’s Aylin and Isobel!” They yelled back “They’re here to meet Kurik!”  “I’ll go grab him from his room!” Karlach yelled back, as Shadowheart joined Nemeia at the door to open it. 

WIP 2 - Shadowheart/Nocturne Fic. This will be one of my first attempts writing Shadowheart/Nocturne. It's two parts, both taking place before the game. The first, where this excerpt is from, is from when Shadowheart and Nocturne are younger, after another instance of Shadowheart's memory being wiped.

“No! I don’t, and I’m so sick of not remembering!” Pain flared from the wound, but despite the agony, Shadowheart ignored it. “I know all will be returned and we will be rewarded in due time but it feels like the Mother Superior wants nothing more than to see me forget every part of who I am and what I’m like to be molded into whatever she wants me to be.”  “Shadowheart, you don’t mean that.” Nocturne sounded like she was trying to reason with her, but Shadowheart shook her head. How could she know what she meant? Nocturne almost never went into the Chamber of Loss. Perhaps she did, and Shadowheart couldn’t remember…  No, why would Nocturne face the Mirror to forget everything. She was good in the Mother Superior’s eyes, Shadowheart was a blight, a mess to be corrected.  “I’m tired of forgetting things, Nocturne. I’m tired of having massive pieces of my memories just lost to the void.” Tears burned Shadowheart’s eyes but she refused to cry. What good would crying do?  She wasn’t the kind of person to cry. Or was she? She couldn’t even remember that information about herself.  She saw Nocturne shift closer to her out of the corner of her eye and felt her arm wrap around her. When was the last time Shadowheart had felt a gentle touch like that?

WIP 3 - Walking on the Road Alone. So this one is just starting out in terms of writing it. I briefly mentioned this where Kurik goes back in time after something disrupts the past and he has to make sure everything goes as it should. I've been working on an outline for it, but I'm too excited so I'm also writing the first chapter at the same time. (Also a note, Odassa is draconic for parent, which is what Nemeia is called by Kurik)

Everything was blood and meat. Bodies littered the ground around him, and at first they all seemed like a mess of flesh and gore. It wasn’t the first time Kurik’s dreams had reflected the darkest parts of him, nor, he assumed, would it be the last. But his parents had worked with him. He took a few deep breaths, trying to will the images away as he closed his eyes, but when he opened his eyes, it was still there. And the details started to clear up.  His Mum, Mama, and Odassa were laying at the top of the pile of corpses, and as he looked he saw his aunts and uncles. His entire family lay bloodied and broken at his feet.

WIP 4 - Sprained Ankle, Huh?. So this one was a fun one. I saw a post about dialogue gotten where Shadowheart admits to feigning a sprained ankle with Karlach so she would carry her. I couldn't resist writing this too.

“I thought you were supposed to be resting in bed,” Shadowheart adjusted the way she was sitting on the couch so they could sit behind her, which they did. Honestly, anything to get them off their feet with their body feeling as heavy as it was.  “I was worried I’d have to perform some daring rescue for the two of you.” Nemeia ran their fingers through Shadowheart’s hair, which she had taken to wearing down more and more. “But you don’t seem too injured, Shadowheart.”  “I sprained my ankle,” Shadowheart’s voice took on a very odd tone and Nemeia smirked. They knew that tone well.  “Uh-huh,” They started to let their hands drift a little, out of her hair and down her sides. “And I know you haven’t fantasized about our darling Karlach carrying you to safety, right? Not like that wasn’t the first thing you said when we met her?”  “Gods, I hate your memory for these things.” Shadowheart’s cheeks turned red and Nemeia laughed, kissing her cheek. “I actually tripped but… the idea crossed my mind when she came up to check on me."