#anyway this moment lives in my head on repeat forever and ever

[vulpinesaint]

up thinking about it every fucking moment of my life

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Just Wanna Bewitch You In The Moonlight

Written for @steddieangstyaugust - Day 7: Moonlight. Another cursed statue Steve because I have been sitting on this idea for ages. Title from Ghost lyrics.

The garden of the Harrington manor was quiet when Eddie snuck in. He already knew all the patrols, cameras, everything important. It wasn't like he wanted to steal something anyway, the worst he could get charged with was trespassing. Or at least he hoped so - Harringtons weren't exactly the most forgiving bunch.

He soon found what he was looking for. A statue of a handsome young man, reaching for the sky. There was something sad about him, the curve of his lips, forever frozen in a wistful smile. Just as beautiful as he was a month ago. 

"Hi, sweetheart," muttered Eddie and squeezed his stone hand. He sat down at its feet, leaned against the statue's legs and waited. The sky was clear today, he could even see stars through the light pollution, so it would not take long. If only the moon hurried up.

"Fancy meeting you here."

Eddie leaned back and smiled at the upside vision of the handsome boy, now with color in his cheeks. "Hi, sweetheart," he repeated, pulling him down for a kiss.

The statue obliged. "Hi yourself. I don't mean to rush you, but can I have my legs back? I'd like to stretch for a bit."

"Sure thing, Stevie." Eddie quickly moved away and offered the statue - Steve - a hand so he could leave his pedestal. He seemed uncertain on his feet for a moment, but soon he was on the ground and doing stretches that Eddie would never even consider. "I'm always amazed that this is what you want to do with your precious time," he laughed and watched Steve stretch his calves.

"And I always tell you that if you have to stay still for a month, your body will scream for a good stretch," Steve smiled at him and changed legs. "I'm more amazed that you still haven't given up. It has to be annoying, always having to come here. How long has it been?"

Eddie pretended to count on his fingers. "Hmmm, let me see…two decades, give or take. I was nine when I met you, I'll soon be thirty. Why, are you counting?"

"I lose track. Still, I feel guilty about it. You should be living your own life too, you know." Steve finally stood up and nudged Eddie's side. "I'd understand if you wanted to quit. I can't ask you to keep doing this for the rest of your life."

Eddie caught Steve's hand, swinging it back and forth. "You don't have to."

..

They always did this, ever since Eddie was a child roaming the Harrington grounds where his uncle worked. He couldn't sleep one day and got lost in the fancy maze that was the estate's garden. The moonlight made everything so pale, it was difficult to find his way back to Wayne's shed. Eddie was getting tired and cold, but he wasn't about to panic. He just needed to catch his breath. He half collapsed against another piece of art that Harringtons had collected over the years.

And then, just as the full moon showed up in all her glory, the statue that Eddie was leaning against moved.

Eddie was so terrified he couldn't even scream, he just fell backwards into a thorny bush. Before he knew it, the statue rushed to him, pulled him back up and started fussing over him. "Are you okay?" it asked. "I overheard you talking to yourself, you're going the wrong way. The shed is further to the right, come with me."

It took Eddie's hand and swung it back and forth, establishing a brisk pace with Eddie skipping next to it. They didn't really talk, but when Eddie was back safe with Wayne, he saw a moonlit figure give a small wave.

After that, Eddie would go to visit the statue every night, but it never moved. It just stared towards the stars, as if it was reaching out to grab the moon itself.

It finally happened a month later, at another full moon. Eddie thought that maybe he'd hallucinated the whole thing at that point, maybe he just hit his head when he fell into the bushes, but as the moonlight hit the statue, it yawned and stretched its arms. "Oh," it said when it noticed Eddie, "you're back? I hope you don't end up like a pin cushion this time."

After that, they talked. A lot. The statue was called Steve, and he didn't always use to be a statue. He never really knew the scorned witch who cursed him, or what he did to her. "I used to be a real jerk back in the day," he smiled at young Eddie. "Maybe I trampled over her herbs when I was rushing back home after another party. Maybe I knocked into her. Or maybe it wasn't even me, maybe my dad did something nasty to her. He isn't really the nicest person."

"The old Mr. Harrington?" Eddie asked. "But he's like, ninety? How long have you been here?"

Steve shrugged, stretching his arms. "Hard to say. I only get to fully wake up every full moon. The rest of the time, things are hazy. But I think I got cursed in nineteen thirty two. I was twenty then."

Eddie's jaw dropped. "Wow. That has to suck. Does your dad ever come and visit you? Maybe try and break the curse?"

"Not really." Maybe it was just the moonlight playing tricks on him, but Steve's smile seemed sad. "He doesn't believe in the whole magical mumbo jumbo, you see. Or that's what he used to call it. He's ashamed that I made a spectacle out of our family."

"But it might not have even been you!" blurted out Eddie. That's not fair!"

Steve reached out and ruffled his hair. "I know. He tried bribing the witch, but that didn't work. Then he tried to destroy me or move me, but that's impossible. So he just ignores that I'm around. He used to send someone to leave a snack for me, before I woke up, maybe to ease his conscience, but now that he's old, I don't think he remembers me anymore. Maybe it's better for him this way. And since another part of the curse is that I can't leave the garden...he doesn't really have to worry about anyone finding out about me."

He fell silent, but Eddie's mind did anything but that. He stood up and grasped Steve's shoulders. "Well, fuck your dad."

Steve blinked at him. "Hey, aren't you too young to swear like that?"

"Fuck that too. And shush, I have something important to say. I, Edward Munson, herefore...ther....I mean, I promise on my soul that I'll find a way to free you." Eddie was grinning at him, but there was something in his eyes that made Steve take that promise seriously.

"Eddie. I appreciate it, really do. But you don't have to do that. I'm fine."

Steve smiled at him as he said it, he tried to sound persuasive, self-assured. But that scrawny kid in front of him just rolled his eyes and, much to Steve's surprise, patted his head. "Now now. Wayne says that pretending to be okay isn't cool, so we're not doing that. I'm keeping my promise, Steve. You'll see."

..

The evening was colder than usual. Eddie threw a blanket over himself and Steve, cuddling close. "The research is going well, you know. Dustin believes he found the origin of the curse, or at least some of the components. He believes we have a real shot at freeing you."

"I still can't believe you roped other people into this," laughed Steve. "How did you even get them to humor you and come here? Did you just tell them that you met a cursed statue when you were a kid, and they just went with you?"

"Oh, you'd be surprised how curious these little assholes are. Not so little now, they're starting college, but they're all committed. Especially Max, she considers it an insult we haven't solved it yet."

Steve sighed, staring into distance. "College already? I met them when they were barely teenagers. Time flies so fast."

"Not for you, baby," whispered Eddie and kissed Steve's cheek. "Not for you."

It was soon time to part. Steve's hands grew colder and more stiff by the minute, pulled back into their original position. As life gradually left Steve's body, Eddie repeated his promise again, just like he had for twenty years. He didn't know if Steve could hear him at this point, but it didn't matter. It was equally for both of them.

Maybe they would finally set him free in a year, five, or twenty. Maybe Eddie would be older, full of wrinkles and with grey streaks in his hair, while Steve would still be young and handsome. It wouldn't matter, as long as Eddie could see him walk past that garden's gate, feel the sun on his skin again.

Steve might have been worried about the day that Eddie would inevitably stop coming. Maybe he'd give up, or something would happen to him. Maybe, as he told Eddie many times, he'd finally find a life purpose that would bring him happiness.

But Eddie made a promise, and as long as he was alive and breathing, as long as he had anything to say about the matter, one thing was certain: Steve Harrington would never be alone on full moon again.

[thelilylav]

Y'know what? Fuck it (gives u guys a list of poc artists to listen to cause the white ppl on the music side of tumblr have been embarassing me)

List is under the cut, and warning bc I made it very long

Rock:

Los Abuelos De La Nada

Gesu No Kiwami Otobe

Chuck Berry

Ben E. King

Los Prisoneros

Ahmed Fakroun (ok this one's french art rock but in my book it still counts)

Burnout Syndromes (been fucking w them since I got into Haikyuu lmao)

Infinity Song (their hater song genuinely gets me every time LMAO)

People in the Box

N.E.R.D (my god if u don't know them.. idk dude my brother has been obsessed w them for forever so i just was not getting away regardless lol)

Punk/Punk Rock (& other punk subgenres):

Nova Twins (u must listen to them it's just the way it's gotta be guys)

Rina Sawayama (her hatred of Matty Healy is so attractive. i cannot believe i found her two years ago cause i still remember i would not shut up when i first heard her music it was so good)

BABYMETAL (the way their band name just straight up screams at people gets me every time lmaooo)

Indie:

The Younger Lovers

Mashrou Leila

Stella Jang

Shak SYrn (Jenni is on repeat in my room at any given moment)

Steve Lacy (if u listen to more than just Bad Habit u will find an actuall amazing discography)

Jenny Nuo (i have been OBSESSED w her music since like 2021 ish and it is a crime she hasn't blown up more imo)

Nujabes

Hemlocke Springs (oooo i hate that she does not get more love!!! synth pop and alt indie is such a fun niche like!!!)

Lyn Lapid (in my head she's huge but i have recently learned that artists i think r super popular may be unknown to an entire genre of ppl soo)

Megagonefree (found them on ig and omg!! PLS go check them out genuinely)

boa (i am once again shaming u if u don't know them)

Wallice

JAZZ (in all caps bc I fucking LOVE jazz no it's not dead go listen to jazz rn motherfuckers):

Idris Muhammad

Esperanza Spalding

Joanna Wang (ok she does pop and folk music too but idk she felt most appropriate here)

SAMARA JOY (put. some. respect. on. her. name. i would actually go to war for her i am not kidding. also this is in all caps bc MY MOM GOT TO SEE HER LIVE??? AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO SHE WAS PLS I WAS SO MAD OMGGG but i've been promised tickets next time so we're good)

Sade (my og one and only)

Funk:

Fadoul

George Clinton (i mean he's just a classic yknow)

Parliament (Give Up the Funk can make me dance like no other i swear)

Stevie Wonder (i mean.. like if we're on the topic of classics anyway then...)

Michael Jackson/The Jackson 5 (moreso his earlier stuff if my memory isn't lying to me.. look it's been a second since i listened to mj IM SORRY i am a busy person ok TT)

R&B:

Valerie June

Maxine Nightingale (if u don't listen to her... how do u have fun? actual question i put her on every time i need to feel happy atp)

Boney. M (technically they're reggae but they also count as R&B so idk.. i'm just putting them here if anyone wants me to move them later i will)

Amahla (Ca Suffit was so good and got me to check out the rest of her music, YOU SHOULD TOO!!)

Mary J Blige (not to judge but like... if u don't know THE queen then idk how to help you tbh)

SZA (wouldn't be a list without her in it tbh. i'm in love w her not even joking abt that)

Kali Uchis (to this day i cannot believe i saw her live i'm truly never getting a better moment than that omggg i have such a big crush on her anyway)

Aupinard (if ever u need to just vibe, this is the man u go to.)

Wejdene (TU PARLES AVEC UNE ANISSA MA MOI J'APPELLE WEJDENE- she's been my day 1 since i was like thirteen i can't even lie)

Annisse (just found out she only has like ~500 listeners on spotify??? apparently i'm one of them tho lmao so yeah go get that number up guys i love her too much for this disrespect)

Sister Sledge

Cheryl Lynn

Reggae:

Daddy Yankee (he's an honourable mention cause i couldn't not lmao)

Skindred (they're a reggae/metal fusion band and i will shut up abt them when i'm dead bc Nobody rewired my brain chemistry!!)

Manu Chao

Toquinho (i was so convinced this man was bossa nova but apparently he is reggae and i need to do some music theory review)

Folk:

Sushi Soucy (oh the things I Deserve to Bleed had me going thru in 2020/2021)

Miriam Makeba (Pata Pata should be enough to get anyone listening to her, just saying)

Lead Belly (do urself a favour and do some research on this man, i'm not kidding even if u don't like folk music u should know abt him- ESPECIALLY if u like Nirvana that'll make sense later trust)

Pop:

Corinne Bailey Rae (she has so much good music that gets ignored bc of Put Your Records On so.. yeah go listen to Black Rainbows she's only gotten better as time goes on lol)

Dru (he is for any person who likes ke$ha. i'm so serious he is early 2000s in a bottle and i love his music ur rlly missing out if u ignore him)

Monique Hasbun (found her recently! she's a Palestinian, Mexican and Salvadorian artist who plays around with Latin pop and does a lot of fusion music. she's dope go listen to her fr)

Mohammad Assaf (he made the Palestine song that's been going around ig a lot, but his other stuff is great as well. he's another Palestinian artist, so once again, go check him out!!)

Pinkpanthress (i LOVE her she's so much fun to just vibe to and idk how anyone couldn't have heard of her atp but then again this is the sight that didn't know who drake was so... sigh. go listen to her if u don't already!!)

Aliyah's Interlude (BROOO if u haven't heard of her actually go listen rn i'm so serious she is so good i can'ttttt ok bye)

Veondre (had a collab w Aliyah on It Girl and is gonna be releasing her own music very soon! she's trans too so go give her some love)

Shalco (wasn't sure whether to put him here or in hip hop, but his stuff is very very good either way)

Ado (she's j-pop but it's a form of pop so into the pop category she goes)

Moon (she's got two songs out rn, Moonlight and Seoul City Drift, and both r going on loop in my head at all times)

Jay Chou (call me a basic bitch idc he's good ok)

Atarashii Gakko! (i wouldn't say they're j-pop, but google did, so i'm just going w it lol)

flowerovlove (just trust me on this one)

El Tio Gamboin (Los Gatitos is such a cute song)

Grace Chang (see note for Jay Chou)

King Gnu (for all my j-pop lovers... come get ur man)

Salsa:

Lalo Rodriguez (included this genre specifically so i could mention him)

Adalberto Santiago

Roberto Roena (he's a classic i can't lie)

Hector Lavoe (i think he might be the most popular one in this genre lol)

City Pop (this is its own genre bc i literally did a presentation in high school abt it and i'll be damned if i don't flex my knowledge now):

Mariya Takeuchi

Miki Matsubara (my QUEEN my everything my-)

Anri

Taeko Onuki (one of my most listened to artists last yr for a Reason)

Kaoru Akimoto

Kingo Hamada

Jun Togawa

Bossa Nova:

Joao Gilberto (ooo he gets me every time i fucking love this man)

Elizeth Cardoso

Johnny Alf (forgot this man the first time around my bad BUT he's called the father of bossa nova for a reason so)

Hip Hop:

Flyana Boss (they're sooooo good i actually can't gush enough i have never felt so girlypop listening to music before go listen to them!! found the duo through ig so yeah if u want go follow them on there too to show support)

Lil Uzi Vert (for any emo lovers, go check out his song Werewolf with Bring Me the Horizon it is SO GOOD)

Samyra (she's slowly curing my body dysmorphia lol)

Yame (there's an accent on the e but idk how to do that on tumblr. anyway my ass loves french rap and before him i was stuck with klub des loosers so he saved my faith in the genre i can't even lie)

Lay Bankz (u cannot be chronically online and not have heard Ick yet, but i'm repping her regardless bc SHE'S SO GOOD)

A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie (HEAR ME OUT-)

Kaliii (Area Codes was one of my most listened to songs last year... as it should be tbh)

Miguel (he does R&B too i just first listened to him bc of his collab w J.Cole sooo)

Tyler the Creator (putting him on here just to brag abt getting to see him in concert lmao)

XXXTentacion (he has been mourned and talked abt an insane amount, but he deserves it i'm not even gonna joke on this one. his artistry is insane and he deserves some love if u haven't listened to him yet)

Kendrick Lamar (i mean i've been reblogging stuff abt him enough. Mr. Morale was actually the album that made me start Listening listening to him and i'm honestly glad it was bc that album is still my favourite to this day if i'm being totally honest)

Renaissauce (criminally and i do mean CRIMINALLY underrated)

[yuujispinkhair]

Shinunoga E-wa 

Pairing: Jing Yuan x Reader (gender-neutral) Genre: fluff Word Count: 800 Warnings: None, just some pining because Jing Yuan misses you while you are on a mission :) All characters are of age. My blog is 18+. Minors don't interact. -> This is part of my Blog Anniversary Event (closed). @jingyuansbird requested the song Shinunoga E-wa by Fujii Kaze.

"If that is all, I want to close this meeting now."

Jing Yuan lets his golden eyes travel over the small group listening to him. It's not that he doesn't want to do his job. It's not that he is tired of the responsibility. But right now, all the general wants is to go home and wait for the call he knows will soon try to reach him.

The call from you.

He longs to hear your voice, longs to tell you about his day, and ask you about yours. He longs to whisper a tender "I love you" and hear you return it.

He has been missing you for the last few weeks since you left for a mission on another planet. And as much as he can mask his feelings during the day, they are always there under the surface, always haunting his every minute, filling his heart with longing. He wishes he could go home to you and take you in his arms.

But since that isn't possible at the moment, he at least needs to talk to you. He needs the company your telephone calls provide. The comfort of hearing his beloved's voice.

Jing Yuan is a man who is willing to sacrifice a lot. His time, his strength, his effort. It's natural for a man in his position. But he thinks he only truly learned what sacrifices he would be willing to make when he met you.

What wouldn't he give to see you right now? To be able to see your smile and reach out a calloused hand to cup your cheek. What wouldn't he give to wrap you in his arms and hug you to his tall, muscular body, protecting you from the rest of the world, claiming you as his alone. He would sacrifice all he has just to be with you right now.

Of course, he can see your face and hear your laugh via electronic devices, but it's not the same.

He smiles a bit to himself as he strides towards his house. Usually, he isn't one for the big dramatic gestures. His calmness often gets taken for indifference. But that is far from the truth. At least when it comes to you, his darling, his love, his everything. And in his mind, he is being quite dramatic right now. He is pretty sure he would die if he had to be separated from you forever.

But to his luck, he knows you'll return to him soon. And then he can finally hold you in his arms again, kiss you, and tell you in person that he loves you and wants you to be his last. His forever.

His phone rings the moment he enters his home. A home that doesn't feel so much like home at the moment when you aren't living here too. When your scent doesn't linger on the pillows. When your laughter doesn't echo off the walls.

He takes the call and greets you with a smile in his low voice,

"Good evening, my love. Or rather, good morning where you are."

His chest feels warm when he hears your reply, and he feels some of the tension leave his body as he slumps against the fridge and tells you everything that happened today. The corners of his lips are lifted in a gentle smile during the whole call. When he closes his eyes, he can almost pretend you are here in the room with him, as you should be.

"I miss you. I can't wait to see you."

The longing is evident in his voice. And the same emotions carry to his ears when you tell him you miss him too.

But he tries to hold back, tries not to burden you too much with his longing, so you won't feel too bad about taking on this mission. So you will be able to have a clear head and finish it quickly.

He doesn't say it out loud, but the same thought keeps repeating in his mind:

Don't ever leave me again. Please always stay by my side. I need you. My heart is so heavy when you are away.

But he suspects you can hear it in his voice anyway. And when you are back home, he will present you with a job offer that lets you stay by his side all the time. He hopes you will accept it because he doesn't think he can endure being separated from you ever again.

Aww writing this made me smile so much!! I can imagine him being so calm on the surface but missing you so much on the inside 💗Thank you so much for participating in my event 💗💗 I hope you liked this little story!!

Comments and reblogs would be very sweet.

[holdinbacksecrets]

𓏸𓂃boyfriend things╰𓏸 present and past

◞✧𓏯 ⸝⸝⸝ in that yearning state 💌 for my fellow nct, bts, svt enthusiasts ⊹◞✿

in celebration of a new followers milestone! thank you all so much for being here and reading my pieces 🖤

♡he used to stand at the foot of your bed in the morning before leaving for an early schedule. three times at least. he tried to walk through your bedroom door at least three times before approaching you anyway and kissing your forehead or whatever skin peeked through the curtain created by long hair

♡the porch swing at his parents’ house is a haunting ghost of you. sometimes, when his slumber departs too soon and well-rested is far from how he feels, you’re everywhere again. he sees your old converse-clad feet rocking against the ground. he sees your hands clutching a mug, noticing chipped nail polish. he sees the piercings decorating your ears, trying not to smile at the thought of you standing in front of the bathroom mirror at 6 am to put all your earrings back in again

♡once a month he thinks about calling you because that was about how often your car would break down, or you’d fail to notice a pothole and end up with a flat tire. he always helped you. he always stayed on the phone for however long you needed his voice in your ear, his instructions kindly shared, easy to ask for repeated details. you always told him: you’re the kindest man i’ll ever know

♡he smiles at the sight of your spare key as he pushes the metal into the lock. it’s covered in the ladybugs you painted along with his initials. feels like forever since you slid the decorated key across the table during breakfast. for me? is what he asked with a racing heart. don’t think too hard about what this means is what you said

♡there’s confetti in your soul. and the way you looked at his mother when her words warmed the room… he’ll never forget that moment. your hand came to rest against your heart as if the muscle was asking to savor each letter and the words’ collected meaning. you, with confetti in your soul, are all he wants forever

♡he laid awake beside you for hours. he watched the sunrise and brushed his fingers through your hair. he woke after a nightmare. his mind crafted a chill-sparking nightmare: he never met you. the colorless scenes clawed at his mind, brought sweat to his skin and induced enough shaking to wake himself up. luckily, you stayed asleep beside him. oh, you’re beside him. the exhale that leaves him is coated in relief

♡shapes are being traced against your skin again. the living room is filled with friends, with laughter and love and the pleasant aroma of baked cookies and the subtle crunch of popcorn. but he’s somewhere else, you can tell. and you’re not sure where it came from tonight. you’re not sure if the fictional scenes have knocked down a door in his head. you’re not sure. you’re not sure. oh, how you wish you could be sure. so you kiss just below his ear and squeeze his hand. everyone will be gone soon, and then it will be the two of you, with the remaining hours of the night undecided. a late night will be alright if it means repairing and comforting because the anxiety came through. the anxiety he surrendered to

[royalmessofdenmark]

head in my hands people make claims about how if you switch the character's of a tragedy their stories would end differently but like i just. don't. think. they would. because people act like it would save them, when fundamentally they are tragic characters and so, tragedy follows them.

"But if you switched hamlet and romeo's pla--" if you switched hamlet and romeo's place romeo would have run off with Ophelia after his father's death, Gertrude would never stop missing him and Claudius would continue to rule. Ophelia would miss her family forever, and Romeo has romanticized dying for love so terribly much in his head, and Ophelia is willing to kill herself whenever all hope seems lost that there's no way they would make it into their twenties. something tragic happens, Ophelia drowns. Romeo stabs himself. It always. repeats. OR if Romeo and Ophelia don't run away, Claudius would kill Romeo anyway. And Ophelia may or may not kill herself in grief.

Hamlet would forsake Juliet-- if he would even fall in love with her-- and would not even try to reunite the families, probably seeing no point. he would instead seek revenge upon the other family if ever a member of his family was about to die. It would be bloody and brutal and if he lived through it, he'd still probably be sentence to death by the prince

you place any character in any other story and you'll find that they are still forever haunted by their flaws

sure, maybe orpheus is the only one who would turn around, but you place him in any other story, and he'd still find some way to have a moment where he forsakes common sense for love. Icarus's hubris would follow him forever, achilles would never let go of his ambition and his dreams for glory and that would find some way to destroy him to

tragedies are almost always people. not situations

[svtspeach]

Grief as we know it

Pairing: Seungcheol x Reader

Genre: Pure Angst 

Warning: Grief, Death, Angst, Injuries (but not in depth and accurate, lol. my medical knowledge is from Grey's Anatomy), Not proofread (lol I don’t know how to this yet, by this i mean putting all the warnings haha)

Word count: 674 words

Author’s note: Hi, Everyone! So I am new here and I don’t really know how to navigate this site as an author but I guess I’m trying my best? This is just a blurb that I wrote at 1 am in the morning and yeaaa, let me know if you like it and if you would want to see a longer version of it! See ya! 

----

The Loss

Choi Seungcheol was a quick-witted man, everybody knew that. He was able to respond quickly and effectively in situations of high pressure. Another thing about Seungcheol was that he was selfless, he would always sacrifice himself for the other people’s happiness and comfort. Seungcheol was also the epitome of bravery, a trait that everyone has always praised him for. He has never been afraid to take risks and stand up for what he believes in. It was his strongest trait, and one that you loved most about him. That is, until that trait was the thing that led him to the biggest sacrifice of his life and straight to the arms of death. 

“Can you repeat that for me again, please?” you said for the second time. It’s not that you didn’t hear the doctor’s voice, in fact you heard him loud and clear. But you just couldn’t seem to process the words coming out of doctor standing in front of you. 

“Miss, your partner was taken to the emergency room after a vehicle crash. From what we heard from the paramedics, he jumped in front of a loose truck in order to save a little girl and her grandma. He came in with several fractures, a puncture in his abdomen, and a severe head trauma. We took him in for an emergency surgery to repair the damages and we tried the best we could, but the damage was so severe, and he couldn’t…” the doctor explained once more but for some reason, you couldn’t seem to let yourself hear the end of his sentence. 

It didn’t matter how he was going to say it anyways. Seungcheol is dead and you just lost the love of your life. 

The Grief

Seungcheol has always been a constant in your life. You weren’t friends since childhood or anything of sorts, but you have been dating him for four years and living with him for two. It didn’t seem like a long time, but being with him most of the time for the past two years have made you feel so accustomed to his presence. You were deeply in love with him, in the best way possible. 

Loving him and being loved by him was the best thing you have ever experienced your whole life. It was fulfilling, warm, and nurturing. You like the person you have become when you are with him, and you loved how you were able to push for each other’s growth. Being in love with him was not suffocating, in fact it felt liberating, you felt like you were supported and cheered upon every step you take. You really felt like you have found the love of your life, and that you were going to spend the rest of your life with each other. 

You knew that you don’t want to live in a world without Seungcheol. Not because you can’t live without him, you know that you would be able to continue and move on with your life, but you knew that you were going to be miserable. And you were, indeed, very miserable right now. 

They say that the feeling of missing someone comes in waves. Initially, the grief hits you hard. It was intense and strong like a storm. The ocean of longing is calmer now, but the wave of yearning still washes over you now and then and it still sucks. It hits you in unexpected moments like now. You were watching a movie with your best friend, and you’ve reached the part where the main characters finally kissed each other passionately. Your mind started to drift away, and you tried to remember the last kiss you shared with Seungcheol, but you can’t. That’s because you thought that you had forever with Seungcheol, but you don’t. You never thought that the last time would be the last time because you thought that you would have more. It might not be as painful anymore, but you can feel the pieces of your heart slowly falling apart again. 

[quaranmine]

ranking fire lookouts i visited last week

i didn't expect to see like...any on this trip. most of them snuck up on me LOL and yet we were able to find FIVE of them! who knew all I had to do was go to national forests in a different state? here there are ranked from highest to lowest

1. The Probable Federal Crime

this one was the coolest! i climbed this one! It's 100 ft with a 7'x7' cab up top. It was in service until 1987 but it still serves as a radio repeater. There are several buildings at the bottom, one of which clearly had the sound of machinery behind the door. It had signs of recent maintenance even though it has been decomissioned. It had spectacular views, with no towns or human settlements visible in any direction:

2. Rich Mountain Lookout

I could have broken into this one but I did not. I withheld my desire to commit a crime. My dad mocked me for not crawling under the fence LOL. This one has a proper catwalk and was possibly a live-in one. A whole family lived here in the 20s when it was first built, but this version is a replacement from the 50s, so I have no idea what it looked like before them. It is approximately the height AND style I have been imagining in my AU so I was delighted to see it. It is slightly taller than the one in the Firewatch game, but a remarkably similar design other than being steel instead of wood.

3. Devil's Knob Lookout

Not in good repair at all. Missing the ladder at the bottom and the final flight of stairs. We saw two deer. My dad climbed it anyway because he's an idiot

4. The Occupied State One

we spotted this one from the main road and turned down the next side road to hunt it down. We ended up driving along the wildest road of FANCY vacation houses, mostly still under construction. A few of these houses had the steepest driveways I've ever encountered in my entire life. Eventually we found the correct turn off for the lookout, drove straight past the no trespassing sign with confidence, only to immediately turn around because there was a guy there despite it being the holiday. Later I learned this is one of the few still in operation in the state. Unsure why it might be manned in November since there is a lower risk of wildfire in fall/winter, but it is in operation so maybe that guy was working.

Bonus:

the tire shop pulled this out of our tire the next day after we went poking around the vacation home construction site. miraculously this did not ruin the tire and they didn't charge us for a patch!

5. Supposed Former State Forestry Lookout

This one has basically no workspace up top and I'm interested (mildly suspicious) of its history since it seemed out of the ordinary. Clearly it was used as an observation tower but as a regular, everyday job? unclear

Also, I had to break into this one too. I jumped the fence. This was because the quarter-fed turnstile did not work. It was $1 per person but we put $4 into it and it only started turning once. Then it stopped turning immediately and briefly trapped me in the middle of that metal cage. Fortunately it turns freely in the opposite direction so I could escape and was not, in fact, trapped forever in its bars. Although the moment it stopped did put the fear of God in me a little before I realize I could still get out. Thus I did not feel bad for climbing the fence. We actually overpaid.

Bonus:

devil's head lookout, you are still #1 in my heart

[thelampisaflashlight]

Lamb

[I decided to write something about my first proper ghoul OC, Lamb, because I missed them. Aether has to deal with them, because somebody needs to be responsible for this little dweeb.] Below the cut.

Too many hours are spent inverting the corners of their room.

Manipulating the shadows with their fever addled mind, the headache too strong to bear the faintest thread of light.

They breathe, but it is shallow.

Their chest does not seem to move.

They can hear people talking.

They call their coming death a tragedy.

Others call it a waste.

And the voice whispering to them from down below calls it...

A chance.

An oppurtunity.

A lady in black, with long gray hair tied in a bun so tight they can almost feel the bull of it on their own scalp, appears beside their bed one night.

She does not come alone.

She is shadowed by towering figures, their faces obscured by masks that shimmer in the lowlight cast by the single bulb left on in the hallway.

It hurts to look at them.

At the light.

The woman speaks, but the words mean little to them, still they listen.

They listen until their ears ring.

Unpleasant and grating.

Louder and louder as the figures raise them from their bed.

There is a gentleness in the way they cradle their frail body.

Like they're naught but a little bird.

All fragile bones, easily broken.

Already broken.

They take them downstairs, past more people in black.

Someone cries.

Voice raw with grief.

And it's strange.

So strange.

How little guilt they feel.

How something akin to anger makes their heart beat stronger for just a moment hearing that sound.

But they're too far gone to feel bitter.

From there, things get hazier still.

They're carried out and away, into the night.

They get the sense that they are dying.

Perhaps that they are already dead.

But their body finds no grave, no cold earth to soothe the ache in their skull, or the fire consuming their insides.

Instead they taken on foot to a place where the moon shines, blinding overhead.

The woman speaks again, something low, almost inaudible.

Promises their body will be made anew.

That the pain, the burn, will be gone soon.

And they laugh.

They laugh.

And laugh.

And laugh.

Like it's the funniest thing they've ever heard.

Until all that comes out is the harsh rattle of death.

.

.

.

Lamb has lived in the abbey for nine years now and still has no idea what they're supposed to be doing.

Every day, they just go with the flow, and somehow.

Somehow.

They manage to work diligently.

They do their best, whether it's ironing uniforms with a bunch of siblings, cleaning the floors, or listening to Papa complain that no one takes him seriously.

The latter is less a job and more...

"Are you listening, Agnello?"

Speak of the devil.

"Certo, Papa, I am listening." Lamb lies, picking at their nails.

Papa sighs and leans back in his chair, "Since it's important, I'll repeat myself just this once; I need you to retrieve some paperwork from the den for me."

Lamb tilts their head, "Ehh? Papa, your den is only a room away. Can you not get it yourself?"

"No, no, not my den, the den." He clarifies, sitting up and pointing down at the ground, "I need you to-"

Lamb gives a croak of distrust, narrowing their eyes at the older man.

"Agnello." Papa speaks sternly, "You cannot avoid that place forever."

"I do not like it." Lamb grimaces, "Stinks of ghouls."

"Agnello, you are a ghoul."

"Does a dog need to like other dogs to be a dog?" Lamb counters, "They're scary!"

"They're very docile I assure you." Papa soothes, leaning across hid desk to pat them on the head, "Regardless, I need that paperwork by the end of the day."

"Fiddle-faddle..."

"Off you go now." he shoos them, "Go, go."

Lamb croaks at him irritably, but heads for the door anyway, lingering in the frame long enough to pout.

"Agnello."

"Going."

"Good."

Lamb isn't fond of the other ghouls, it's nothing personal, they just...

It's hard to explain.

There's this... itch.

A tingling sensation that runs the length of their spine when other ghouls are near, their presence never fails to set them on high alert, and to be honest Lamb isn't really sure why.

Perhaps it's because they're more used to being around the siblings, living among the human clergy like a dog among sheep.

That was... that is, they think, perhaps part of why they were made to begin with.

Even if they don't understand, even if they don't remember, they know enough to know that the people here, within these walls, are meant to be looked after.

Cared for.

Protected.

From what, Lamb isn't sure.

But they do many things without knowing the reason why.

It's kind of silly though, them thinking they could protect anyone from the monsters in the basement.

Small and meek as they are.

Lamb isn't exactly large and intimidating, everything about them is soft, there are no edges or hard lines to their form, even their horns are blunted and tiny.

As they reach the stairwell to the basement, Lamb pokes their head 'round the corner, peeking into the darkness to see if there's anything stirring down below.

Squeaking when a figure passes by the landing.

"...Fiddle-faddle."

.

.

.

Aether isn't sure what to make of the impish creature peering down at him from the top of the stairs, whether he should be concerned by its presence or not.

"...Fiddle-faddle."

Fiddle-faddle?

"What?"

A hiss.

The creature retreats slightly.

"...Hi?" Aether raises his hand, giving a small wave, "Hi, what are you doing?"

No response, just black eyes staring down at him from around the corner.

Aether might be a demon from Hell, but whatever is skulking on the landing is...

It's something for sure.

"What are you doing?" he asks again, chuckling nervously, "...What the fuck..."

The creature lowers itself down on all fours and places its hand -a surprisingly ordinary hand, the nails don't even look sharp- on the first step.

"Uhh..."

Getting a better look at the creature, it's definitely another ghoul, but not one Aether recognizes, which... which isn't impossible, but it's strange that he hasn't seen this one before.

"Do you... do you need something?" he tries, but, again, the other ghoul remains silent, trying to descend the stairs on all fours for reasons Aether cannot fathom.

The motion is... strange, awkward even, and kind of reminds him of how Rain will occasionally run up the stairs like that, but coming down this way makes little sense and seems dangerous.

Aether watches the ghoul creep down the stairs, dumbstruck.

When the ghoul reaches the bottom of the stairs, it skirts around him, sticking towards the wall, ignoring him as it searches for... something.

"Whatcha lookin' for? Can I help you??" he questions, following the ghoul as it sniffs about, pausing at the door to the common room, standing now to its full height, which is...

Fucking tiny.

This ghoul is barely taller than Aurora, and looks like they'd snap in half if Aether sneezed in their direction.

As they reach for the door knob, Aether grabs the handle first, stopping their encroachment.

"I can't let you in there." he says, "Until you tell me why you're down here."

The ghoul looks up at him, eyes wide.

Aether can't help but shiver, seeing his own reflection staring back at him from the inky blackness.

"...Papers." the ghoul replies finally, "...Papa left them down here."

"Papers? What kind of papers?"

"Work ones. I don't know, he just said they were important, okay?" they state impatiently.

"You're being kind of rude right now." Aether states, placing his freehand on his hip like a disappointed mother might, "First of all, who are you, and why are you down here?"

The ghoul balls up their little fists and bumps them together, pursing their lips, seeming to weigh their options.

It would be endearing if Aether weren't dubious of the ghoul's intentions right now.

"Lamb."

"Lamb?"

"Lamb."

"Okay, Lamb." Aether says, "Why are you down here?"

"Papa said-"

Honestly, when Aether asked, he was expecting a simple response, maybe for the ghoul to repeat what they said previously about needing to grab forgotten paperwork, but instead...

"So he said-"

Instead...

"And then-"

Aether pinches the bridge of his nose, "Okay, okay, I get the idea."

This ghoul, this ghoul can talk.

So much.

"So Copia sent you down here instead of coming down here himself, because...?"

"...Who the heck is Copia? Papa sent me. Papa."

"Copia is..." Aether furrows his brow, "...Copia is Papa's name. How... How do you not know that?"

"He has two names??"

"Oh my god..."

[fics-by-em]

Amorous Facades - Chapter Five

A wild night out leaves the lives of Jamie Tartt and Ophelia Adams more intertwined than they ever would have imagined.

Will their decision to try and use the situation to their advantage work out in their favour or will they realize that they should have cut their losses when they had the chance?

———-

previous chapter

———-

I miss you. Are you going to be mad at me forever or can we go for a drink soon and talk about this?

Lia read the message from Katie so many times that it was burned into her brain. At first, she’d been relieved that Katie had reached out, but after reading over her words a few times, she found herself growing annoyed. There was no apology for her behaviour. There was no admission that she should have handled things differently or assurance that she believed what Lia had said about Daniel. She just seemed to expect Lia to magically get over it without putting in any effort to fix things and that wasn’t going to happen.

But Lia missed her too.

Katie was her best friend and had been for years. They told each other everything and spent almost all their free time together. Mike used to joke that he was more like a third wheel when the three of them hung out than she was because Katie and Lia were like two peas in a pod. She didn’t want their friendship to be over so suddenly and she was willing to give Katie a chance to make things right. So, she answered her politely and they made plans to meet up that evening for drinks, with their boyfriends in tow so Mike and Katie could get to know Jamie after they smoothed things over.

Luckily, Jamie had agreed to accompany her. 

After their big performance the other night, things had settled back to normal. Lia woke up the morning after with a clear head - almost as if she’d snapped out of whatever spell Jamie had cast over her the night before - and she felt silly for letting herself get swept up in the moment. It was clear to her that she’d been single for far too long and obviously she missed the comfort and romance of being in a relationship. That’s what she was falling for during the celebrations after the match, not Jamie in particular. At least, that’s what she was telling herself and repeating in her head like some kind of mantra.

She was a little nervous about how she would feel after spending another night pretending to be madly in love with him, but she was ready to learn from her mistakes and keep her guard a little higher. Her determination did little to ease her apprehension about the situation though and her nervous energy had her showing up at Nelson Road Stadium a little earlier than planned. The pitch was empty so she assumed that training was over and a quick text to Jamie confirmed her suspicions, but he informed her that he was just going to shower and change with an assurance that he wouldn’t take long.

Feeling a little out of place, she wandered down the hallway and looked at all the posters and display cases in an attempt to look busy. She was just about to settle on one of the couches by the door to mindlessly scroll through her phone until Jamie appeared when a voice behind her had her jumping with a startle and spinning around.

“Hiya,” Keeley smiled, giggling as Lia put a hand on her chest as if to calm her now racing heart. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just surprised to see you here, are you meeting Jamie?”

“Yeah, I am,” Lia nodded, relieved to have some company while she waited. “I’m a little bit early, but we’re going to meet my friend when he’s done training.”

“Your friend? Would that be the one who wasn’t so pleased about your relationship with Jamie?”

The way her eyes narrowed into a look that could only be described as suspicious told Lia that she already knew the answer to that question, but she confirmed it anyway.

“That’s the one,” she sighed. “Apparently she misses me and wants to talk things over. I’m dragging Jamie along to show them he’s not so bad so hopefully he’s on his best behaviour.”

“He can be very charming when he wants to be,” she assured her before a smirk slid onto her face. “And you two make a very convincing couple. Like, can we talk about that kiss the other night? It was one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen!”

Lia felt a blush rise up in her cheeks as she thought back to their rather intense public display of affection, but she fought through the embarrassment to roll her eyes.

“Oh, please, it was just a kiss.”

“That was not just a kiss,” she insisted. “It was sexy as fuck!”

“Maybe,” Lia shrugged. “But it was all just pretend, right? Anyone can make a kiss look real if they want to, actors do it all the time.”

“But you and Jamie aren’t actors,” Keeley pointed out. “Jamie’s definitely not, he can’t lie for shit.”

“He must be better than you think because I promise you that it was all just an act.”

“There must have been a spark between you both though, right?” Keeley pushed. “Because that night when you met and decided to get married a few hours later wasn’t just an act, was it?”

“I was far too drunk to remember anything about what that was,” Lia smiled, hoping to soften the interrogation. “But Jamie Tartt isn’t interested in me as anything more than a ticket to redeeming his reputation or maybe - if I’m lucky - as a friend.”

As soon as Lia saw the flicker of mischief in Keeley’s eye, she realized how her phrasing could be interpreted even before her next question was out of her mouth.

“Well, are you interested in him?”

Lia hesitated. After the night they’d spent pretending to be madly in love, it was a complicated question to answer and while she was hopeful that a friendship was blossoming with Keeley, she didn’t know her all that well and knew that realistically her loyalty still probably lay with Jamie.

“I don’t even really know him,” she answered as honestly as she could. “And he’s Jamie Tartt. I think he’s a little bit out of my league.”

“He chose to marry you, didn’t he?” Keeley reminded her. “Clearly he doesn’t think so. You might as well have a little fun while you’re keeping up appearances, doesn’t have to mean anything.”

The suggestion had another smile sliding onto Lia’s face and an amused giggle slipping from her lips because if Keeley really knew her at all, she would know how ridiculous that suggestion really was.

“Meaningless isn’t something I do very well,” she admitted. “I know it’s probably old-fashioned and lame, but I’m more into relationships than anything casual.”

“It’s not lame! It’s sweet and romantic and probably a very wise choice!”

The sincerity in Keeley’s voice and the lack of condescension was refreshing. She’d been called a prude far more often than she’d care to admit by women who had different approaches to dating than she did and it was always something that got under her skin. It wasn’t like she was waiting until marriage - she’d lost her virginity years ago - and she never judged anyone who chose to embrace a more casual dating life, but she just preferred to wait until she’d found a connection with someone before taking that step.

“Something tells me that Jamie would disagree,” Lia mused. “So I think it’s safer if we just keep things friendly. It would be too hard for me to get through this arrangement if I made a move and Jamie turned me down and it would be even worse if something happened between us and Jamie tossed me aside after.”

“I think you might need to give Jamie a little more credit,” Keeley advised her, her voice soft and reassuring. “He has a bigger heart than he wants people to think and he might surprise you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Lia nodded, mulling over her words before a smile slid onto her face and she changed the subject. “You’re really good at this whole advice thing. I think you might be in the wrong career.”

“Thanks, babe! I always thought I'd be a good therapist.” Keeley grinned proudly. “So, how are you feeling about seeing this friend of yours again?”

The question made Lia cringe as she thought about the night ahead of her and she sighed as she filled Keeley in a bit more about the situation and her apprehensions for her little reunion. Again, Keeley provided the perfect mix of a sympathetic ear and excellent advice and while Lia’s nerves weren’t entirely quelled by the time the players started trickling out of the locker room, she was comforted by the fact that with Keeley around she might not be left entirely friendless no matter how the evening panned out.

The conversation moved on to Keeley’s plans for the evening as they greeted the players who were heading out the door they were standing beside until Jamie strutted down the hallway with his trademark swagger.

“Hiya, you alright?” He greeted them, nodding at Keeley as he glanced around to see how many people were nearby before sliding his arm around Lia’s waist and pressing a kiss against the side of her head. “You look nice.”

“Thanks,” Lia smiled, leaning into his touch as if they were a real loved up couple. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, whenever you are.”

They said a quick goodbye to Keeley with Lia promising to fill her in on how the evening went at a lunch date in the near future before heading out the door.

——

Jamie knew that something was wrong as soon as they left Nelson Road.

He was aware that he didn’t know Lia well enough to be an expert on her behaviour, but he was fairly certain that it would have been obvious to anyone that she was anxious. The tension in her body and the fact that she barely commented on anything he said as he told her about his day and grumbled about Roy Kent was more than enough to rouse his suspicions. 

At first, he thought that it might have been his behaviour the other night that was making her apprehensive and he felt a flash of annoyance. He’d just been doing what they’d agreed to do. He was willing to admit that he might have gone a bit above and beyond when he realized that it stroked his ego everytime a simple gesture like pulling out her chair or keeping her drink topped up earned him a flash of her admittedly beautiful smile and he did enjoy the jealous glances from his single teammates every time he stole a kiss. But he hadn’t done anything that didn’t fall under the umbrella of pretending to be in a relationship which was exactly what she’d agreed to and what she’d asked him to do again that night.

However, as he let his frustration about what he presumed to be the problem simmer and grow until he tried to pull his hand away from hers in a huff, he was surprised when he felt her tighten her grip to keep their fingers intertwined. He softened - his irritation almost immediately washing away - as he realized that perhaps he was letting his imagination get him unnecessarily worked up and in a stroke of rare maturity, he decided to stop making assumptions.

“You alright?” He asked when they were just a few short blocks away from their destination. “You haven’t said much.”

“I’m okay.” She glanced up at him as she spoke and the worried look on her face didn’t do much to reassure him. “I’m just a little nervous, I’m not sure how this is all going to go. But I really appreciate you coming with me.”

“It’s what any good husband would do,” he joked, relieved when it earned him a hint of a smile. “And you did it for me the other day.”

“But your teammates were all lovely and so welcoming, I’m not sure I’ll be able to say the same about Mike and Katie after how our last conversation went.”

She nervously chewed on her lip and Jamie felt a flash of annoyance on her behalf that these people who were supposedly her closest friends were making her feel such anxiety.

“I’m a big boy,” he assured her. “I can handle a little attitude from your friends.”

“But you shouldn’t have to,” Lia insisted before clarifying. “You won’t have to. If they’re being awful, we’re leaving right away.”

Her words were said with conviction despite the shake in her voice and Jamie had to admit that her protectiveness was quite cute, but there was an ache of something that felt like guilt in his chest as he thought about their fake relationship - that was mostly for his benefit - potentially ruining her friendship.

“What did she say anyway?” He asked. “When she messaged you earlier, did she apologize?”

“No, she just said that she missed me and she wanted to talk about it and get to know you,” Lia admitted. “I doubt I’ll ever get a real apology, she tends to infer things like that more than actually say it.”

“Oh,” Jamie scoffed. “So she doesn’t believe in accountability?”

He knew it was hypocritical coming from him, but he’d taken Keeley’s words to heart all those months ago and it was something he was growing to be very aware of. Now that he truly saw the importance of it, he didn’t like the idea of Lia letting her friend get away with anything less.

“I guess not,” Lia shrugged. “But we all have things to work on, you know that.”

As offensive as her words could have been, there was no malice in her tone. She was simply stating a fact and reminding Jamie that people making assumptions about him was precisely what he was trying to change and he nodded as they reached the door of the pub. He watched as she took a deep breath to steady herself before leading him inside. It was busy - packed with the after work crowd - but after a brief scan of the room, Lia led him towards a table at the back. He was grateful for their discretion - whether it was deliberate or not - because he had a feeling that getting attention from any Richmond fans wouldn’t do him many favours when it came to impressing Lia’s friends and he pasted on the most charming smile he could muster as they reached the booth they were sitting in.

In a move that seemed to surprise Lia as much as it surprised him, Katie leapt up from her seat as soon as she saw them and threw her arms around her.

“I missed you so much,” Katie said as she squeezed her tight. “This last week has been so rough.”

Jamie resisted the urge to scoff at that claim considering any suffering the last week had been due to her own actions, but luckily before he had the chance to say anything that might cause any trouble, Katie’s boyfriend stood up as well and held out his hand for Jamie to shake.

“Well, if it isn’t Jamie Tartt,” he grinned. “I saw the pictures, but it was so hard to imagine Lia with a footballer that I didn’t believe it.”

“Yeah, well, it’s true,” Jamie chuckled. “I’m lucky to have her.”

“I won’t argue with that,” Mike smirked and while it was clearly a dig at Jamie and he felt a flash of annoyance, Mike continued before Jamie could shoot off any comebacks. “I’m Mike, it’s great to finally meet you.”

“Yeah, you too.”

It was clear that neither of them really meant it, but Jamie was relieved that so far Lia’s friends had been civil.

“C’mon,” Mike nodded towards the bar. “Let’s get the first round, give those two a little time to catch up. I think they have a few things to discuss.”

Jamie agreed and after quickly asking Katie and Lia what they wanted to drink, they headed to the bar. He paid - even though he had a sneaking suspicion that it was expected and one of the reasons Mike had asked him to go with him to order - but even after their drinks came, they stayed leaning against the bar. Mike peppered Jamie with questions about football and Jamie happily answered, but he kept his eyes focused on the table that they walked away from.

Lia was tense - it was obvious even from across the room that her guard was up - but it took a surprisingly short amount of time for the frown on her face to shift into a smile and it wasn’t long after that for her to start laughing and giggling with her old friend. He felt a flicker of disappointment that she hadn’t put up more of a fuss - demanded a little more grovelling - but he knew that he didn’t know all of the details or much about their friendship other than the fact that Katie didn’t seem like a particularly good best friend. Things were never black and white and Lia seemed like a smart girl so he trusted that she would handle the situation appropriately.

Once it seemed like a peace treaty had been drawn, they headed back over to the table and Lia flashed him a reassuring smile as he sat down next to her.

“I was just telling Katie about the day we met, when you came into the bookstore to buy a present for your mom.” He remembered the story that they’d agreed on, but only vaguely since he hadn’t had to think about it since the first discussion about their situation and he forced out what he hoped would look like a fond smile as he tried to hide his panic. As if she could see right through him, Lia continued and bought him a little more time. “He was so stubborn and insisted he didn’t need any help every time I asked, but he looked so cute with his eyebrows all furrowed in confusion as he kept checking the title of the book on his phone so I kept pestering him until he let me help him find it.”

There were a lot of things that Lia’s friends probably knew about her that he didn’t. He was sure that it would have been very easy for them to ask him a question that caught him off guard and proved that they weren’t really a couple. But Jamie was well trained at succeeding in high pressure situations and just hoped that he’d been paying enough attention to the details she’d dropped during their conversations over the last week for him to be convincing.

“I would have found it eventually,” he insisted before flashing her a smirk before he added, “But it’s hard to resist when a pretty girl begs to help you.”

He noticed a faint blush rising in her cheeks as she playfully rolled her eyes.

“I think saying that I begged is a slight exaggeration.”

“You pretty much just said it yourself,” he teased with a shrug. “And then because I’m such a gentleman, I offered to stay and help stock the shelves with some big order that she was putting away as a thank you. We got talking and the rest is history.”

“That’s actually quite sweet,” Katie admitted. “I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me, I wouldn’t have told anyone if you didn’t want me to.”

Lia opened her mouth to explain, but Jamie cut in.

“That’s on me,” he insisted. “After all the drama of leaving Man City and that stupid television show I went on, I was worried about the press. I didn’t want Lia getting harassed or attacked, I didn’t want any chaos that might scare her away.”

“But now you think it’s fine to throw her to the wolves by forcing her to pretend to be married to you?”

There was something very passive aggressive about the sweetness of her tone in combination with the harshness of her words, but it was Lia’s turn to jump in before Jamie could defend himself.

“He’s not forcing me to do anything, Katie. I told you, I’m doing it because I want to.”

“And to be honest, I’ve realized that no one really cares about me as much as I thought,” Jamie admitted, forcing down his temper as he chose to believe that her friend’s words were coming from a place of protectiveness more than judgement. “People like that I’m married, but we’re not being chased down by paparazzi and I don’t think anyone’s bothered Lia at all since we made the announcement.”

Lia nodded in agreement and reached out to squeeze his hand where it rested on the table by his pint glass in a show of solidarity and after watching them carefully for a moment, Katie let out a sigh of defeat as she sipped her drink.

“Well, I still think the whole arrangement is a little suspect,” she warned them. “But you do seem quite happy together so I can try to be more supportive.”

The smile that slid onto Lia’s face was more genuine than any that Jamie had seen since the start of their little arrangement and the relief she felt was visible as the tension in her body seemed to disappear in an instant. Jamie still felt like he had to be on guard considering their clear scrutiny of him, but knowing Lia felt more at ease did help him relax and he was hopeful that the evening might be slightly less painful than he’d anticipated.

However, he was very wrong.

At first, everything was going well. Lia seemed happy and laid back as she laughed and joked with Katie and they regaled Jamie with tales of their adventures over the years. She was tactile and affectionate - leaning against his arm or intertwining her fingers with his and lifting his hand up to press a kiss against his skin - and Jamie found himself quite happy to indulge. Even if it was just an act, it was nice to feel wanted and he found himself once again struggling not to get carried away despite how much he enjoyed the way her cheeks grew pink every time he stole a cheeky little kiss.

But when they were about halfway through their second round, he felt Lia tense up beside him. Every ounce of anxiety that had been radiating from her on their walk to the pub was back in full force and the look of horror on her face when he glanced over to see if she was okay was enough to have a panic rising in him as well. He flicked his eyes towards Katie to see if her reaction provided any more information, but the sheepish way she was suddenly avoiding eye contact as she sipped her drink didn’t offer much explanation so he followed Lia’s gaze until he saw a man walking towards their table.

“Katie,” Lia practically growled. “Why is Daniel here?”

The name alone sent a flash of annoyance through Jamie as he instantly sat up a little straighter and wrapped his arm around Lia to pull her closer to his side. He felt a flicker of pride as she leaned into the embrace as she stared expectantly at her friend, waiting for an answer.

“Don’t be mad, okay?” Katie uselessly pleaded. “He felt bad about the other night. He said it was just a misunderstanding and he wanted to make things right.”

“It’s not just the other night,” Lia hissed. “It’s a consistent pattern of behaviour that’s been going on for too long for an apology to mean anything!”

The pride that Jamie felt at the way Lia defended herself surprised him. She’d shown him during their first meeting about their faux relationship that she had no problem standing up for herself when she felt like she was backed into a corner, but she also struck him as someone who had a hard time standing up to the people she cared about. Calling her a pushover seemed a tad harsh, but it didn’t seem to be hard to pull on her heartstrings and coerce her into cooperation. Katie’s reaction only solidified his assumptions.

“I know, but he insisted and it would help Mike if you two made peace.”

Mike seemed oblivious to the conversation as he stood up to greet his friend, but Lia was clearly still seething.

“What did you tell him?” She questioned. “What does he know about me and Jamie?”

“Nothing,” Katie shrugged. “Just whatever was reported in the news. You told me not to tell anyone the truth and Mike and I kept our promise.”

“Oh, thanks, your loyalty is astounding.”

Her sarcasm was clear and despite the hurt that flooded Katie’s face, Mike returned to his seat with Daniel squeezing into the booth beside him before she could challenge Lia’s remark.

“Jamie,” Mike started. “This is my best friend, Daniel. Daniel, this is Jamie Tartt.”

“We met the other night.” The words were casual, but there was a snark in Daniel’s voice that Jamie found unsettling, especially as he added. “But it’s nice to formally meet you.”

“Yeah, you too.”

He tried to sound nonchalant, but he could hear the scoff in his own voice and knew that he was definitely coming off more as a disgruntled partner. He didn’t particularly care though, especially when Daniel tried to explain away his actions.

“I’m sorry about what happened, I had no idea that you were together or I wouldn’t have tried anything.”

“It’s not me you should be apologizing to,” Jamie insisted, genuinely taken aback by the way the man across from him spoke to him instead of Lia. “I’m not the one you have an issue with.” 

“Well, I’m sorry to both of you,” Daniel clarified, earning a scoff from Lia. “I didn’t mean to step on any toes.”

Jamie slowly nodded, knowing it wasn’t his place to accept or deny any apology that was being made, but an awkwardness crept over the table as Lia simply sipped her drink and refused to comment. Mike quickly jumped in to steer the conversation to other things, but there was a lingering tension as Katie’s eyes were practically pleading for Lia to forgive her and Lia kept her head down and nuzzled closer into Jamie’s arm as if she was trying to make herself as small as possible. Jamie leaned down to press a kiss against the top of her head and while it was for show - an act of solidarity to prove their relationship to the group sitting across from them - he hoped that she could take some comfort from it as well. 

When another twenty minutes passed with complete silence from Lia, Jamie was just about to suggest they head home when Lia’s lack of engagement apparently caught Daniel’s attention as well.

“I’m sorry,” he chuckled as he shook his head. “But I don’t buy it.”

His words caught Lia’s attention as they were clearly directed at her, but when she seemed too surprised to comment, Jamie jumped in to help.

“Don’t buy what, mate?”

“You two,” Daniel clarified. “Your whole relationship. All the times that Lia turned me down, she never once mentioned that it was because she was seeing someone else.”

“Because I didn’t think it was relevant,” Lia informed him, finally finding her voice. “I didn’t reject you because I had a boyfriend or because I was married, I rejected you because I didn’t and never will want to go out with you and that should be enough for you to respect my answer without needing to know there’s another man involved.”

It was a valid argument and Jamie was proud of the confidence in Lia’s voice, but it only seemed to aggravate Daniel even more.

“I don’t buy that either,” he insisted before turning his attention towards Jamie. “I hate to tell you this, mate, but the only reason I was so persistent is because of the signals she was giving me.”

“Oh my god,” Lia said through a laugh of disbelief. “What are you on about? What signals?”

“There were loads.”

Daniel’s comeback was weak and lacking in evidence, but Jamie felt Lia freeze as Mike spoke up in his friend’s defense.

“He’s not wrong,” he admitted. “I’ve seen the way you look at him, Lia.”

“Like I’m repulsed by him and praying he won’t try to touch me again?” Again, there was no doubt in her voice, but her insistence earned nothing more than an eye roll from the men across from them. So, Lia tried a different tactic. “C’mon, Katie. You know that what they’re saying isn’t true. I’ve been complaining about Daniel since the day I met him. Have you ever thought that I wanted to be with him?”

“I dunno,” Katie shrugged, playing with the straw in her drink as she was suddenly unable to look Lia in the eye. “I always kinda thought your protests were, like, playful and flirty. Like maybe you just wanted him to chase you a little bit.”

The look on Lia’s face as she tried to process her friend’s words could only be described as one of shock and devastation, but her stunned silence just gave Daniel time to chime in again as he smirked at Jamie.

“See? I’m sorry, mate. I wouldn’t have been trying to get with your girl if I knew she was taken, but she didn’t do much to deter me,” he shrugged. “You might wanna keep an eye on her, especially around your teammates.”

Jamie felt a flash of anger at what he was insinuating and he was grateful that the weight of Lia clinging to his arm stopped him from doing something he’d regret - like punching the asshole across from him in the face.

“Shut the fuck up,” he growled. “If what I saw the other night is anything to go by then Lia’s done plenty to deter you. It’s not her fault you’re too fucking thick to understand when a woman tells you she’s not interested.”

Daniel rolled his eyes again as a murmured ‘whatever’ slipped from his lips, but Jamie was distracted as Lia grabbed his hand and gently squeezed it to get his attention.

“Can we please leave?”

“Of course, babe,” Jamie nodded, tossing back the rest of his pint before sliding out of the booth. “Let’s go.”

Lia quickly scurried out after him and they headed for the door without even bothering to say goodbye.

——

The taxi ride back to Jamie’s house was silent. 

He could feel the sadness washing off of Lia in waves, but she kept her head turned as she looked out the window and Jamie wasn’t sure what he could say to offer her any comfort. When it came to relationships, he was good at all the fun stuff - like attending parties or events and, of course, the sex - but the emotional side of things had always been harder for him to master. The fact that they weren’t really in a relationship and he actually knew very little about Lia made it even harder for him to know how to handle the situation.

He spent most of the drive agonizing over what to do, but in the end he figured the risk of saying something that would make her feel worse was too high and decided to just let her come to him if she wanted to.

But the silence continued when they got home.

Lia headed straight upstairs and he heard the sound of the shower as he went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. He waited to see if she would eventually appear as he scrolled through the social media on his phone, but when almost an hour had passed with no sign of her, he went up to their room as well. He saw her already curled up under the blankets and assumed she was asleep, but when he crawled into bed next to her, he was surprised when she rolled over to face him.

“Jamie?”

Her voice was quiet, but it echoed around the quiet room.

“Yeah?”

“I never gave Daniel any signals,��� she insisted. “I promise, I didn’t.”

The desperate pleading tone to her voice caught him off guard, but he simply shrugged.

“You don’t need to promise me anything,” he reminded her. “We’re not really married, it’s none of my business.”

“I know,” Lia choked out, her voice breaking. “I just really need someone to believe me.”

Even through the darkness, Jamie knew she was crying. He could feel the bed shift as her shoulders shook with the quiet sobs that fell from her lips, but again, he found himself at a loss for what to do. After a moment of awkwardly laying there, racking his brain for a solution, Jamie let out a sigh as he reached out towards her.

“C’mere.”

It came out as more of a demand than a request, but Lia hesitated as she sniffled out a quiet, “What?”

“C’mere, let me give you a cuddle.”

“Oh,” Lia sniffled again. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Sounds like you need it,” he argued. “And let’s not pretend that I don’t feel you peeling yourself off of me every morning when you think I’m asleep.”

Whether she wanted to admit it or not, Lia was a very snuggly sleeper. Almost every night she ended up wrapped around Jamie, but he hadn’t mentioned it after her embarrassment that first morning and was relieved when the wink that accompanied his words in that moment earned a teary giggle as she did as he asked and scooched closer until he could wrap his arms around her.

“Thank you,” she murmured against his chest. “For this and for everything else you did for me tonight, standing up to Daniel and putting up with my friends.”

“They shouldn't be your friends after tonight,” Jamie huffed. “That Daniel is a knob and your friends are shit for not listening to you.”

“I know,” Lia sighed. “I don’t want anything to do with them, at least until I get some kind of apology. What they did tonight was humiliating.”

“Don’t worry about it, they’re just a bunch of pricks. And Lia?” He paused until she hummed questioningly in response before he continued. “I do believe you.”

He felt her drape her arm around his waist to squeeze him affectionately and he leaned down to press a kiss against the top of her head. It was a gesture he made almost more out of habit than anything romantic, but as a silence settled around them and he held her close until he felt her breathing shift and he knew she was asleep, he had to admit that the line between pretend and the reality of his slowly growing feelings was starting to seem a bit blurred.

----

chapter six

[eemamminy-art]

Get to know me tag game! Tagged by @4th-make-quail 💛💛💛

Last song played: Dance of the Moonlight Jellies from the Stardew Valley soundtrack... 😊 It's one of my go-to songs to play on repeat when I'm writing, and I was writing a little before bed!! I love how it has the gentle wave sounds underneath the music, it adds a really soothing effect for me. Also while I was not writing this scene (I've already long since written it ahaha) there is a very very special scene in my fic centered around the Moonlight Jellies festival so... :3 I kind of associate it with them anyway.

Favourite colour: Brown, specifically umber :3 I also really like olive drab green! I used to wear camo a lot because I was like wow, all the best colors ghjdfkjds (how to spot a country butch) an earthy plaid is more my style now though

Favourite dish: Green bean casserole :3 I could eat it forever!!! I tried making it from scratch last year on Thanksgiving because I couldn't get the fried onions at the store and had dubious results lol need me an air fryer or something

Current favourite characters: The ones currently occupying my brain most are Alex from stardew valley, Cecil from uta no prince-sama, and Otis from ffxiv dawntrail. Rotating those three in my head and kicking my feet 😊 Sphene too but with an asterisk on her name, like Sphene but [redacted] spoiler spoiler 😞 Playing the music from that one dungeon on repeat all the time. Waves vaguely!!!

The all-time faves of Zenos and Lyse are also there but that's like a constant. 🥰

Currently watching: I never had a chance to see it before but my friend hooked me up with a way to watch the anime of uta no prince-sama finally!!!! I had read fan translations of the visual novels (though what I was reading was incomplete at the time, and I think I forgot to go back and check if it ever got finished) and I played shining live so I know the characters and their stories well but actually getting to see it all play out?? 🥺 Aaaaaaaa!!! I just watched episode 8 from the first season today while I was having breakfast

Last film I watched: The Watchers (2024)! I liked it!! Not the most compelling film I've seen but I thought it was decent! I love folklore but truthfully I know little about Irish folklore (my interest is more in American folklore) so I don't know how accurate it was to actual legends from the region but I found it really interesting!! If anything it makes me want to dig more into learning about the premise at some point :3

Current obsession: This might sound weird but I feel not so much obsessed with one series (as I have several on my mind strongly at the moment) but I feel like my current obsession is just with creating itself. Like drawing and writing, that's what's motivating me! I spend my whole day drawing for work but I'm not thinking about a game or a show as the reward at the end of the day, I'm thinking about writing or drawing for myself as my reward. If that makes sense? Maybe just something that comes with making art my job, I find greater passion in drawing for myself now :3

Last thing I googled: "When is spotify wrapped calculated" since I usually am listening offline, need to make sure I go online so it can sync my listen data before it's too late!

-

Um.... this was really long. Thank you for reading my ramblings and thank you to Quail for the tag!!! I'm not sure who to tag for this but if you see this and want to do it, please consider yourself tagged!!

[grandaddy-of-all-liars]

Hello my’ mellows, today I will be telling you about Ren and Stimpy characters that I don’t think get enough attention.

Mr Horse

No one talks about him and it weirds me out. he’s not only a FANTASTIC critic but also a snazzy dresser, I mean have you seen that suit he was wearing in Ren Seeks Help? He also was in the army so it’s clear he’s very strong. And to top it all off he’s a very handsome, and I’m surprised that not many people haven’t fell heads over heels over him.

Muddy the Mudskipper

This one is a little more understandable since he didn’t have much of a role in the series, but I still thinks he deserves a mention. KILLER theme song, and cares for his friend enough to take him to a mental asylum to get help (I’m referring to Ren Needs Help). Also is a Hollywood big shot so that’s pretty cool.

The headless boy from APC

I know I briefly already mentioned him in the comment section on your last post, but I feel like I should mention him here too. Some how can operate just fine without a head which is very impressive. Had a kinda cute moment with Stimpy when they were building that house (well chimney I mean). Despite seeming to lose everything and living in a hole he still tried to have as much fun as he possibly can. Overall this character is just wholesome in general and I wish we could see more of him.

Ren’s Mom from APC

This one is gonna be a bit biased since I have a bit of a crush on her, I mean she’s practically a girl version of Ren that fact alone is enough for my lesbian brain go “ME WANT GIANT CHIHUAHUA WIFE” which is a weird thought to have since she’s not a giant, anyway enough of what ever this is let’s get on with the real reasons. She’s very beautiful, but deserves a much better marriage. A lovable psychopath just like her son (this is based off of speculation).

I hope you enjoyed my little TED talk and let me know if you think I missed any (which I probably did). Well bye for now!

i enjoyed reading EVERY word of this thank you so much for sharing your two cents! super ask, thank you for helping me not terminally hyperfix on Ren 0_o

also [chihuahua wife panic], sdhchfhczrf how did I fail to appreciate such a catch that is his mom, I cried when I saw this 💔

ok so we concur:

dapper Mr Horse🔺️

Muddy (the tune is on mental repeat now)🔺️

Headless Boy 🔺️(when hes embarassed and crosses his feet and hangs his lil larynx in shame 🥺)

Ren's stone cold fox Mom🔺️ (does she have a name? confession: i had a kind of awakening when her skirt lifted to reveal the garters 👀)

Submitting for your approval:

Wilbur Cobb - the shit he says plus he's like actively decaying idk why it makes me hysterical. he's completely batshit but kinda sharp still, i mean, pro tip: 'if you call everything crap you're never wrong'

Chuck - i think i actually like him more as a character foil for Ren bc he eggs him on to the point we get to see another side of Ren's pathos, and i like to imagine Ren was once secretly in love with him

Jasper - ok maybe i'm too narrowly focusing on the brotherhood of the dog here, the canine antics are so much fun. wish he were a recurring cameo

Eggyolkeo - please don't hate me for this >.< inanity is my lover and this character is just so hokey and ridiculous i can't not celebrate him. when he performs on stage and Elvis-struts in his cape and gargled into the mic i lost it. plus seeing the boys being all parental is just so darn cute, despite the poor ending

well thank you so much for having me on the show, i had a lot of fun here tonight :) seriously thank you for the stellar topic!!!! i'm sorry it took me forever to reply please feel welcome to send more, i should be getting my life back from work a bit soooooon

[inact-ice]

Ok episode 5,

- ooh arranged wedding moment. Hey guys, if it goes bad at least the wedding was gorgeous. Ope. My fault everyone sorry

- is bobby ever gonna apologize for like pushing buck against that wall bc that really scared me. I know it was a manifestation of trauma but damn

- love how black women across the world use the word wicked. It’s probably bc of like colonialism and specifically Christianity, but it’s a nice connection

- Athena you still have a job?? You weren’t even like suspended, you definitely have stuff to do other than running background checks on your friends bosses

- oh. Oh no… not the hen and Karen cheating arc, I haven’t even met Karen yet please no

- BUCKS FAMOUS ROOMATES! So these are the people everyone hates so much in fanfics

- Oh yeah Abby’s mom is missing

- hen your ex girl friend is in braids, back out slowly before she starts calling you gurl OMG, it’s too late

- what am I watching

- these aren’t even like real braids im so funny

- Carla’s little crush on buck is so fucking great, maybe they should get together

- aw wait this is buck and Abby meeting face to face for the first day time

- HOT PRIEST, hey girl

- bobby have you ever considered going to like real therapy, I don’t think the hot priest is a licensed psychologist

- HELP BOBBY DONT SCARE THE HOT PRIEST LIKE THAT HE ISNT LEGALLY REQUIRED TO TELL THE COPS AND HES ALL ALONE WITH YOU

- Bobby’s wife who’s name I never heard, I am so sorry. Is Bobby gonna cheat??? Oh. We’re pulling out ye old lantern to drink I see. Does he just come here to like nap, NO BOBBY YE OLD LANTERN

- the actor who plays Bobby has like a permanent bemused grin so while he’s breaking down to his wife about his addiction he kinda just seems confused and it’s a little funny

- checkovs ye old lantern

- oh damn bobby that was your fault wow. Oh he made the hot priest cry.

- yeah idk if the priest can handle this, maybe you should consider trauma therapy

- the priest: “god forgives you” Bobby: “gods forgiveness actually means nothing to me in this case” the priest: “well that is the entirety of my expertise”

- I don’t like when Bobby cries, it always seems to be ripped out of him😭 the actor is doing a great job

- Karen you are being very forgiving of your wife meeting her ex gf in prison, I fear you are too good for her

- aw buck calling Athena sergeant, love it

- buck being so astounded that Abby hasn’t had sex in a year is hilarious, meeting me would kill this man

- Abby you’re so cool omg, it’s like she can’t help but want to help others even when she’s going through so much. I feel like that’s the theme of her character

- Abby looks so cute in her little dungarees omg

- I can’t believe that manny’s just like dead rip I guess

- who the hell are these firefighters?? How does buck know them? Are they at the 118? I wonder what their lives are like

- Abby is calm cool and collected fr. What do jedis have to do with still hands? Anyways

- Abby’s mom! Thank you tattooed men, in my head you stay in contact with Abby forever and are good friends of hers

- aw Abby’s mom, even when she can’t remember stuff she still remembers that she wants her daughter to be happy. Gang I love Abby’s mom so much

- did not appreciate the fucking Abby’s mom joke, thanks writers but it was a little weird

- if we’re gonna keep talking about bucks sex addiction can we take it seriously at some point or what

- the “what are you high” scene in context is kinda dark bc bobby might’ve been actually scared he was high bc he sees himself in buck a bit

- aw I miss chimney

- girl he didn’t even laugh that much. Which is kinda dark. Bobby is like if Sayaka and Kyouka from Madoka Magica had a child and he was a white middle aged man. Like maybe they adopted him and just projected all their trauma onto him and now he’s repeating all their mistakes

- if they have phone sex I’m gonna freakout

- I’d like to personally thank the 911 tv show directors for cutting away from that bc I do not like bucks phone sex voice

[residences-of-the-darkforest]

Feeling Bad For Not Feeling Bad (short story)

“...Martenstep has moved on as much as he can,” Cricketfur was saying. “But I don’t know if I will."

Gorseheart sat across from him as they shared two fat minnows. It wasn’t routine these days that someone would seek him out for advice, or to talk about their issues, but it wasn’t a rare occurrence either. Most cats were aware of the services he offered and would take him up on them if they ever needed it. Now, Cricketfur has taken that opportunity.

“You were a kit when you did it,” Gorseheart repeated what had been told to him. “Not many kits know what being dead really means.”

“I did,” Cricketfur argued. “I remember knowing that it means he won’t ever come back, that he would be gone forever. But I killed him anyway so that I could get some attention.” He growled to himself. “But that’s not the part that bothers me. If I killed him and felt bad, that would be one thing, but the thing is I don’t feel bad, and I don’t know why.”

Gorseheart flicked his ears in thought. “Some cats are like that,” he said, choosing his words carefully. He looked at his paws for a heartbeat. “I didn’t feel bad for a long time, even though the things I did were truly awful. But then I did, I felt bad, so bad that I thought that the guilt would actually kill me.”

Cricketfur didn’t seem convinced. His brows were furrowed, unable to find the answer for himself. That’s why he had come to the black tom, hoping that someone who had done horrible things but who was ‘good now’ would understand him, but it didn’t seem like he did. “It’s different,” he tried to explain, “you killed out of anger, right? Because your life was…bad..?”

Gorseheart frowned, looking away for a moment. “Yes.”

“Well, I had no good reason. I killed another kit because I could, because I didn’t like him. And I never felt bad about it. Even when I grew up and had a good life with a loving brother and a good mom and an energetic apprentice, I didn’t care that I killed someone. I rarely thought about it. Then when that cat’s own brother found me again and wanted revenge, I still didn’t feel bad. I tried to hurt him, a brother who was only grieving for his sibling, even when I now knew what it was like to love a sibling the way that he did.”

Gorseheart tilted his head. “Are you sure you feel no guilt? Why else would you be questioning yourself the way you are now?”

“It would be easy to think that,” Cricketfur replied. “But it’s…it’s hard to explain. It’s hard to understand. Cats like you…you did bad things, and now you feel bad about it. Cats like others, like that–that Myrtle fella, they don’t feel bad about what they do, and they enjoy it. Neither description really suits me. I don’t feel bad, even when I try hard to, or when I think hard about the lives I took and the pain I caused, I just…I don’t feel bad for it. But I don’t enjoy it either, it’s just…” He struggled for the words that could explain it. “It’s like just another thing you do sometimes. You kill a mouse one day and don’t think once about it the next. Other cats are the same way for me, even when I know how messed up that is. I know that I should feel nauseous at the thought of taking another cat’s life, that I should never so much as consider it or have it cross my mind at all, but it’s…it’s just…it’s like nothing to me.”

Gorseheart chewed on the last bits of minnow he had, letting the meat swish around his mouth while he took time to think. “It sounds to me like you have your answer right there.”

Cricketfur blinked, confused. “I don’t think I understand anything.”

“Everyone is different,” Gorseheart replied. “Some cats feel bad for the things they did, some don’t, some meet in the middle. Everyone has their own spot on a wide spectrum, and sometimes that spot is far from anyone else’s. Maybe no one else is like you,” he added. “There’s nothing wrong with that. You can do bad things without feeling bad and without feeling good.”

Cricketfur sighed, slumping into himself.

“Were you hoping for something else?” Gorseheart asked.

“Automatic guilt?” Cricketfur bit the inside of his lip. “I guess I just….try to feel how my brother does?”

“Why don’t you ask him?”

Cricketfur looked scared of that idea. “He thinks I’m a monster for what I did. If he talks about it, he could realize how he really feels about it, and he could…”

“Leave you behind?” Gorseheart finished.

Cricketfur’s ears tilted back fearfully. “I don’t want to lose him.”

Gorseheart shook his head. “Cricketfur, Martenstep walked into the Dark Forest for you. I think it’s safe to say that he already chose to walk alongside you forever.”

Cricketfur didn’t say anything for a few moments, then let out another, long sigh. “I just hope he doesn’t regret it, the way that…I can’t.” 

Gorseheart nudged his shoulder with his snout. “Then show him how much you care for him. Get some more minnows just for him, let him have the comfiest nest. Make him see that you appreciate his sacrifice. Just don’t let him push you over,” he added with a joking tone.

“Ha, he wouldn’t.”

Gorseheart shared his smile. “We can keep talking, if you like, but I think I said everything you needed to hear. I think the cat you should talk to is your brother.”

Cricketfur took in a deep breath. “I think you’re right.” He glanced at the trees. “Maybe after I picked up a few minnows.”

=====================

I know it's not the best story, but I wanted to write something that shows the type of "evil" cat that Cricketfur is. Can you tell I struggled to end it?

I think I explained it well enough, but he's the type that can kill someone without really thinking about it or lingering on it, even though he knows that he should feel bad, and even when he actively tries to feel bad. But he also doesn't take joy in killing someone else, so he doesn't do it just to do it.

He only has three victims (1 indirect)

1: his cousin, who got more attention when they were kits, and he killed so that he could get the attention that he lost since his cousin was born.

2: his other cousin (brother of his victim) that he killed for two reasons. One, because that brother wanted to (and succeeded in) kill him and would have destroyed the good life that Cricketfur now had.

3. His unnamed mate, who he killed after witnessing her harming their son (in the Dark Forest).

All cats he had reason to kill, even if that reason wasn't always reasonable.

And even though he can't feel bad, he can still feel love, and he does genuinely love and care for his brother. He hates that Martenstep knows what a monster he is, and feels more bad about that then he can the actual bad acts.

[fragmcntedsouls]

The attempt to tease her of course only fuelled her amusement, little crinkles appearing on her features from the intensity of her laughter “i’ll keep that in mind, thank you for the advice though, babe” she grinned, her palm pushing playfully against his chest once again. It shouldn’t have been possible, because she believed their love to be at its fullest point, but every day they proved themselves wrong – and there was always more to give and most importantly, to accept within return. “He never stood a chance – besides, I like my rich guys with a little edge” she giggled again, not that he ever needed that proof, but the steady thud of her heartbeat was a great indicator that everything she said was completely true. Pursing her lips as a means to stifle her laughter, she nodded with confidence “thank you, I appreciate the help. Handsome and charming? absolutely, that’s a given” appearing mischievous again, she held up her hand just above his head as she mused, “gotta be tall – taller than you anyway” before erupting into a giggle. 

As ever, she sought comfort from their eyes being on each other as the rest of the world faded contently into the background. Oh yeah, she could live in this moment forever. “You do, I can vouch for that” she hummed, lips pulling into a subtle smirk “it’s a little hard not to when you do that insane thing wi–” clearing her throat, she had to force that sentence to an end; otherwise they weren’t making it up that tree. Her subtle smirk remained, before fading into a softer expression as her eyes remained attentive against his own, “I can live with that.”

Plucking her phone from her pocket, Billie pretended to text Lucas as she repeated Briggs’ words and voiced ‘love from Briggs’ before erupting into untamed laughter once again. “Sorry, you did say – tell him you said that, right?” Her taunt came effortlessly, securing her phone back in her pocket before that inevitably took a tumble. As his hand reached for her, Billie carefully stepped closer, continuing to use the body of the tree for additional support. His hand against hers coaxed a content sigh from her lips, before opening her palm, intending to hold his hand. “Full adventure, baby! Oh we are so getting a tree house” she repeated enthusiastically, sporting a grin to match before gradually lowering herself to sit on the sturdy branch “don’t threaten me with a good time” she teased, before a deep breath of the fresh air as she added with sincerity, “me too.”

"If you keep working at it, one day," he teased, doing his very best to keep serious but failed in the absurdity of it. Her giggle only invited more joyous sound, and every day, no every minute, he loved her all the more. Though he did not need reassurance, he wouldn't say it wasn't nice to hear. "He was a little late for a chance with you," he kept it light, a subtle acknowledgement he knew her heart had been spoken for when his had. "Well, good because I can confirm it." His laughter was soon to follow, shaking his head, "it's a very high standard you've set. I'll definitely let you know if I meet anyone like that. Does he need to be handsome, charming, anything else to keep in mind?"

His eyes didn't leave her, studying as she shut her eyes for a moment. This was the woman he'd spend his entire life loving, and nothing in the world sounded as sweet as that. "I do like to make each one count, especially when you're enjoying yourself," he mused, meeting her gaze as she reopened her eyes. "Oh, baby, I know," he replied, "you are very good at that." Following her movement to her lips before returning, he hummed, "it's all yours. All of me, for as long as you'll have me. But we'll start with a whole lifetime."

It was hard to stay worried when she was filled with so much glee. The way the sunlight poured in through the trees, highlighting her features, she seemed to glow. "So we did find a swamp monster," he joked as he followed her hand, laughing as he added, "don't tell him I said that." His hand darted out to catch her if she should lose her balance, but she had it, safely leaned up against the tree for now. "I'm starting to believe you really are," he replied, running his fingers along the back of her hand, "but I do have a few special abilities that let me cheat a little." Glancing down, he finally noticed their distance from the ground. "We really did go full adventure, huh? Maybe our vacation home should be a treehouse. Starting to think I could stay up here forever."

[bisexualbumblebee-writes]

Fluffuary 2023 Day 1: Power Outage- Kili Durin x OC

Kili Durin x Nessa Thorn

Description: After the power goes out in Kili and Nessa’s new place they struggle to find something to entertain themselves.

Word Count: 1k

A/N #1: So… this was a challenge I meant to do in February. The amazing @darthglitterfanfiction made this amazing challenge and graciously gave me permission to participate, but unfortunately I didn’t find the challenge and ask until like 10 days into February. But, I still wanted to do it because mama didn’t raise a quitter. She DID however raise a major procrastinator so it took me forever to actually get them all written which is why I’m posting them in March. Hope you like them either way and thanks again @darthglitterfanfiction for making this fun challenge!

A/N #2: This is sorta obvious but this is set in a modern au. I don’t prefer to do modern aus but for the sake of a prompt I make exceptions (though I’m pretty sure this is the only modern au I’ve ever done and it’s the only one I did for this challenge). Anyway, enjoy!

“You know, this wouldn’t be happening if you had just charged the flashlights like I told you to.”

“Nessa, shut up.”

“Hey, whose fault is it that we’re having to look for candles in the dark?”

Silence.

“...Touche.” Nessa knew that Kili could tell she was smirking even in the darkness that surrounded them. That was only proven further when he huffed.

They’d only been in their new home for around a month now and Hawkins had decided to celebrate the move with a big thunderstorm. This wouldn’t have been that bad if Kili had actually charged up their recently purchased flashlights like Nessa had previously asked. But, he didn’t, so now they had to search through the still packed boxes and kitchen drawers for any candles they could find. Which is what led them to this moment.

“I don’t understand why we had to get flashlights that charged,” Kili grumbled.

“Because you insisted that you’d remember to keep them charged,” she retorted simply as she pulled out a few tea candles from the drawer she’d been searching in.

“Oh, so this is my fault.”

“Duh,” she said as if it were obvious, a teasing smile forming on her face. Just faintly she could hear her boyfriend chuckle as he rummaged through a box. While he did so she grabbed his lighter from the kitchen counter and began lighting the candles she’d acquired. Once she finished she moved closer to him to give him a bit more light. It only took her a minute to realize that he was no longer looking for the candles as there was no need now that she’d found some.

“What’re you looking for?”

“You’ll see in a minute,” was his only answer before he looked at her. “Why don’t you go back to the living room. Make it comfy.” There was a mischievous glint in his eyes (though, to be fair it may have just been the small candle shining in his eyes) that made Nessa’s eyes narrow in suspicion. Nevertheless, she lit another candle and headed to the living room.

After setting the candle down on the coffee table, Nessa finally processed the tail end of her boyfriend’s request. ‘Make it comfy.’ What did that even mean? She voiced her question to Kili, but if he had heard it he didn’t show it because no answer came from him. The girl opened her mouth to repeat herself, but then thunder rumbled loudly outside, which admittedly scared her.

A huff left her lips as she plopped on the couch, figuring she’d just ask him when he walked in. It was at that point that she noticed the last boxes that were still unpacked just a few feet away. One of them was simply labeled ‘blankets.’ They were a gift Nessa's mother had given her before she moved out. The girl always tended to be on the colder side when it came to body temperature, she always needed to be bundled up or else she’d freeze to death.

An idea quickly formed in her head and she hopped back up. Pulling her knife out from her back pocket, she flipped it open and cut the box open. She grabbed the pile of blankets and piled them on the couch before sneaking to their bedroom to get a few pillows, creating a sort of nest for them. When she was satisfied with her work she sat back down and nestled herself into the blankets while she waited for Kili to come back, which he did just a minute later. Upon walking in, Kili raised an amused eyebrow at her.

“Really?” Nessa shrugged.

“You said make it comfy,” was her only answer as her eyes settled on what looked to be a silver metal box in his hands. “What’s that?” As if remembering why he’d walked in, Kili followed her gaze before looking at her again.

“My old portable DVD player,” he answered as he wandered over to the couch, taking a seat beside her. “My mom got it for me when I was a kid. I used to watch movies on it all the time when our power went out. I figured now would be a good time to use it again.”

“Is it even charged?” Nessa teased, earning a sarcastic smile in response.

“Yes, because I remember it was charging when I was packing up my old room at my mom’s house.”

“Then what are we waiting for? Start it up,” she said eagerly. “What movies do you have?”

“Take your pick,” he gestured to a bag of DVDs she hadn’t originally seen him set down between them. Nessa leaned forward eagerly and began rummaging through the bag. They mostly consisted of movies that a boy would like such as Mad Max or Jaws, but one of them stuck out from the others like a sore thumb that instantly caught her attention.

“Grease?” She asked curiously, showing it to him. She wasn’t even teasing him, she was just genuinely confused. Kili definitely wasn’t the type to enjoy

“Oh, I think that was my mom’s, she was into those types of movies. I guess she accidentally misplaced it when we were packing to move here.”

“I want to watch this one,” she decided, laying the case on the boy’s lap. “If that’s cool with you.” The boy stared at the vhs in his lap for a moment, seemingly lost in thought before finally facing her with a small smile.

“I guess I can survive through one run of it. Just one though,” he joked, making the girl smile.

“We’ll see about that,” she joked back. Kili merely shook his head amusedly as he loaded the movie into the player.

They ended up watching it at least two more times after the first. To be fair, the first time was filled with Kili recounting memories of watching it with his mom. The second time was Nessa explaining the little details she’d noticed over the years of watching it like the virgin pin Frenchy pierces Sandy’s ear with or the foreshadowing of the flying car at the end of the movie (hey, it’s a good movie). The third time they intended to actually watch the movie without interruption, but that quickly went out the window when the two of them ultimately fell asleep on the couch. They didn’t wake up until the power came back on the next morning. Who would have thought power outages would be so fun with the right person?