#anyway this just means I'm super stressed again yay...

[midnightrook]

so I think I'm having night terrors again :/

[zephfair]

Hello? Anyone still here?

Hey, who disappeared for months and has desperately missed all her little friends who live on this hell-site but has been too exhausted and overwhelmed to actually login ... and who lost track of where this sentence was going ... Yeah, this girl.🤗

But, wow, have I missed you all and all the beauty that is Tumblr, and I hope you'll forgive me for secreting myself away since--holy cow--January.

Quick life update behind the cut.

So, I knew going back to work full-time at my age after quite a long unintended break AND now having health disabilities, well, I knew it would be hard. I knew I would have to adjust my whole, entire life. I expected it to be incredibly difficult, and I fully planned to give myself some grace and time in having to change my every routine.

But somehow, I still underestimated it.

I am so thankful to have a job now, with a steady (if small) income and benefits that frankly make me want to weep with thanks. I mean, I don't have time to go to the doctor, but at least now I could afford to go, if I could get there.

But wow, work is tough. Not just the literal work but, as I said, changing my entire life around it. I'm not complaining, but I am doing my best to learn all new skills (job is not in my old field), relearn how to work and reschedule my own needs and just upend everything.

The absolute worst thing has been trying to take care of my aunt. I was to leave town on Jan. 7 to start my training on Jan. 8.

My 90-year-old aunt fell and broke her pelvis (and a finger and needed some stitches) Jan. 2. I spent every waking hour with her over the rest of that week. While I'd planned to spend that week cleaning my house, getting my business in order and just resting, I was freaking out and traveling through the snow and literally worried sick about her.

It was bad.

And I couldn't stay with her like I did when she broke her hip because I had to attend training full-time. At least they let us come home super-early from that first on-site week of training, but that led to a literal nightmare of a drive home one night through snow, ice, rain, flooding and fog that I'm not joking I've had nightmares about before and now since. Long story.

So, I spent January and February training and working 9 hours a day then spending all day Saturday at her place cleaning and doing laundry and making sure she had everything she needed for a week, and then I had Sunday to do my own laundry and clean the house and take care of my own things...which just keep getting pushed back because I'm too worn out.

Thank God, Aunt made a miraculous recovery and now is doing her own house and laundry etc. but I still go out one day a weekend and do anything else she needs and make sure she has all her groceries and supplies and stuff.

We're all each other has.

Needless to say, I haven't been taking care of myself. I don't sleep well anyway, but add the stress of the new job and my dear aunt and my own health issues, and I'm exhausted. Weary. Overwhelmed and just so very tired. My body is so heavy, I can barely move anymore. It's bad.

And when I finally got to my doctor two weeks ago for my long-delayed check-up, found out I was right about my blood pressure being sky-high again. It went high for the first time several years ago when my Mom was dying, but it eventually settled and was fine. But yeah, it's bad again now. No shock there. And all my lovely chronic health conditions have flared which was no surprise--again, I had braced myself to expect it and power through it, and that's what I'm doing. But it sucks. And it's hard. And there's so much pain.

I don't want to say much about my job, but the over-arching Praise the Lord wonderful thing about it is working from home. There have been so many days already that I never would've been able to get to an office to work, but I can push through it here because I don't have to use any spoons to get myself "ready" (sweatshirts and leggings, no personal grooming necessary, yay), and I don't have any anxiety about driving because zero commute. It has its challenges too because Teams is a weird office communication alternative to get used to, but on the good side, I don't have to deal with interpersonal drama from co-workers.

The work itself is challenging, but I have some days where I finally feel quietly competent and think, Oh, I can actually do this. And then there are some days that leave me in tears and praying for help because it's just too hard. But there's no way I'm quitting; they're going to have to fire me because did I mention the benefits are incredible? I mean, I live in the US and if you knew how much I had to pay last year for my own health insurance, and then the scope and biopsies and then the skin cancer and surgery and then the other skin pre-cancer biopsy and treatment. Yeah, I'm still in big debt from all of that.

So I keep praying that they keep me and that I'll do a good job. And my immediate supervisor has started piling extra work on me over the past 3 weeks so suddenly I'm doing my own stuff AND cleaning up the work from co-workers who aren't keeping up. And all of them have been working since October while just a handful of us began in January?

I have been complaining about this to my aunt, and I thought it meant that my supervisor thinks I'm incapable or is punishing me for trying to get through own my entire workload every single day. But she believes he's giving me all their shit work because I'll actually do it, and I admit, I have gotten some of it completed successfully after they'd given up on it. So, I don't know.

I know that I'm a perfectionist and I've always pushed myself as hard as possible to do my best at work (not at housework and other things in my life lols) but I really hope that it gets me a good reputation at this job and they keep me.

So yeah, that's what's going on here. I've completely abandoned the fandom things in life that I actually enjoy. I almost feel, like, guilty when I'd think about trying to make some time to browse Tumblr or wasting time on social media or even trying to write fic. I get done with work at 6:30 pm, and until I get something to eat and then clean up, it's 8 or 8:30. I have to spend about an hour on the phone with Aunt (and I call her every morning, break, and lunch time too). By then, I can barely walk or move so I just try to make it upstairs to bed. Even though I can't sleep, it just feels nice to lie down.

But I miss all of you. And I miss fandom fun. And I want to be around more because maybe it would recharge me rather than me feeling so freaking overwhelmed every minute of the day.

And I promise not to complain and bitch all the time, now that I've gotten it out of my system. But thanks for listening.

I do miss you, and I love you all.

PLEASE let me know if I've missed anything important in your lives and goings on here! I've got A LOT of catching up to do!

[starfragment1979]

i'm possibly making a poor choice, but i'm not gonna get any better at talking to people if i don't socialize more. soooo.. yippee? i'm gonna regret not sending this, but i'm also gonna be super nervous if i do send this, but i think it's worth the risk.

anyway, i really hope i'm not a bother! i'd usually be anonymous when sending asks to people who aren't my friends, but that's not an option, and maybe it'd be better if i wasn't anonymous anyways.

i really hope i don't come off as weird or anything! i tend to ramble about things i enjoy, and i struggle to compact things into smaller paragraphs/sentences sometimes. hopefully this isn't overwhelming or anything! please do take your time if you end up reading it. ^^

also please don't feel obligated to do anything about this! i just wanted to let you know, just in case it makes your day even a tiny bit better, regardless of how it's going.

okay, i'll get to the point and try not to overthink too much since then i might end up not even sending it.

so long story short, i'd been feeling particularly down during the time i stumbled upon the fanfictions. i did hesitate, as i really don't read fanfictions (i've only read a handful of them as of right now), but i decided there's no reason not to at least check it out.

and i didn't regret it one bit. i'd say it's genuinely one of the best things i've read, along with books from my favorite (non-fanfiction) author and a certain fanfic for the stanley parable. i actually got an ao3 account recently, mostly so that i could read them if they ever end up being restricted again, and for easier access to the very few fanfictions i've actually read before. (also, hahah, i think i was that one guest who left kudos on a bunch of the fanfics overnight, and it made my day better to see that it made you happy! ^^ i... may have accidentally pulled an all-nighter, but i probably would've stayed up all night regardless. reading helped take my mind off of the stress i was feeling and all the bad thoughts i'd been having, so they really helped me get through the night. ^^)

definitely fueled my fixation for animal crossing, and helped contribute to me starting to get over my fear of (most) bugs that i've dealt with for most of my life.

also, this is how i found out luna moths live in minnesota. i've lived here for over half of my life and love learning about lepidoptera, but i didn't know luna moths lived here. which is super cool. i hope i can see one someday, i usually only see the little tiny moths you find in houses. (actually, i have one of those tiny friends on my wall currently! ^^)

in short? thank you! ^^ i hope you're doing alright!

this wasn't supposed to be so long, but here we are. sorry for rambling and potentially being a bother! i spent about 30 minutes typing this, overthinking this, deleting it and starting from scratch, and all that "fun" stuff. sorry if it was confusing!

(sorry for jumping from topic-to-topic, i do it and by the time i realize i've done it it's too late. 🥲 also, i've shared them with i think 3 friends by now, and the only one that's read them as far as i know has been really liking them, too! ^^)

i should get going (i usually do my chores at 4 PM, but it's now 4:18 PM and they need to be done by 4:30), but i'd just like to say that "atlas_moth" was such a good choice imo. ^^ atlas moths are my favorite animal, and one of my mothers (yay for polyamorous parents!!) is working on some atlas moth wings (and possibly antennae) for me. ^^

okay, that's all, sorry for rambling for so long. hope your day is going well, and if not, i hope it gets better!

Aww, what a wonderful comment! I love hearing from my readers, and it means so much to me to hear that my stories helped you through a tough time. I hope you're doing better now.

(It's also awesome and very brave of you to be working through your bug phobia, and I'm glad I could help there, too. Incidentally I'm writing a story right now about Flick's childhood, and it includes a scene with little nine-year-old Flick encountering an Atlas moth for the first time. So you have that to look forward to. 🙂)

I am newish enough to Tumblr that I didn't realize I had to opt in to anonymous asks. But I've done that now, so if you or anyone else needs to be anonymous in the future, the option is there.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi cas, it’s grieving anon. Here for the vibes today. TAYLOR SWIFT… I mean… 

So, ive had a few weird things happen. I got distracted and fell over, and injured myself so yay… and then I had the weirdest thing happen.

So I mentioned I got nightmares right? That I woke my mum up by shouting and sitting up in my sleep. So I have a bunk bed (small room- needed space for a desk). And a few days ago I had this creepy dream and legit propelled myself out of bed- still half asleep and panicking. Then had to climb back in. 

And last night I literally crawled from lying down to the other end of my bed and climbed over the bars and fell OVER and OFF my bed to the floor 😭

You know the length of like, a normal door? It was like that far that I fell. I woke up both my parents. 

IM 16! I shouldn’t be flying out of bed. Luckily i’m not too hurt tho. I remember the dream, I was just climbing over a fence, I couldn’t feel the floor but I knew it was there so I let go, and then I WOKE UP ON MY FUCKIGN FLOOR. 

Like whyyyyy.

Anyway. So Long, London. My first favourite. “HOW MUCH SAD DID YOU, think I had, did you, think I had in me, HOW MUCH TRAGEDY?”

Then, of course, I Can Do It With A Broken Heart. AMAZING. Yes.

And, Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? 

So far, they’re my fav but i’m sure the others will claw their way into my heart too. 

Anyway, my sisters been annoying me. She seems annoyingly fine. She called all the injury’s i’ve been getting “pre-exam” injuries… NO! They’re post fucking death injuries. 

I know her, I know she’s suffering in silence. But it means whenever I see her, she seems fine. And it’s fucking annoying. 

I don’t know anymore. My mum, she said her nightmares went away after my Nans death when she went to a grief therapist or something. i’ve never gone to a therapist. I don’t know how it’d feel. And, I don’t really have the time. 

But I don’t want to wake up on my floor again. 

I feel like I blinked and my life became this mess I can’t control. And I have no energy to anymore. I lost all my fire. I used to strive to learn and care and participate. Now i’d happily rot away. Why bother. 

Anyway (that’s like the third time i’ve said that now 🤦‍♀️) “IM JUST GETTING COLOUR BACK INTO MY FACE IM JUST MAD AS HELL CAUSE I LOVED THIS PLACE” 

Writing these at the end of some of my days has been very stress relieving so thank you. I’ve bullied myself into not picking the scab on the horrid massive cut I got from falling over. I’ve refrained from pressing into the bruises I got from sleep falling/climbing off my stupid bed. 

“IS IT A WONDER I BROKE. LETS HEAR ONE MORE JOKE”

 This isn’t even my usual music vibe 😭

“DONT YOU WORRY FOLKS, WE TOOK OUT ALL HER TEETH” Iconic. 

“YOU SHOULD BE. YOU SHOULD BE.”

“YOU WOULDN’T LAST AN HOUR IN THE ASYLUM WHERE THEY RAISED ME”

Literally everything i’ve tried to do this week has failed. School work, running, sleeping.

I’m so tired. 

Hi hon! I'm so glad to hear from you! <3

Nightmares after a loss are SUPER common, and you're right to know that they don't have to do with exams. As far as therapy, I know you said you don't have time, and I used to say the same thing but then I got to thinking...

I wasted SO much time being sad, run down, anxious, depressed. Like I probably spent at least an hour a day in anxiety paralysis, you know? So devoting an hour a week to STOPPING those symptoms actually saves me time, in the long run.

It may not feel the same for you, but it's something to think about! <3

I'm so glad you like TTPD. Using music to cope is also super helpful. Screaming lyrics is so...emotionally rejuvinating.

Keep messaging me <3 I'm thinking of you!

[reitziluz]

ah shit, might as well make it official

in short, as some may have noticed, there was no chapter posted on march 31st

the next chapter of days spent dreaming shit-all, chapter 4, "dating and such", has been rescheduled for april 30th

the posting schedule will continue as usual after that, with a new chapter coming out once a month, on the last day of the month. as a rule, if the chapter isn't out by the 4th of the following month, it will be rescheduled for the end of that month

in long...

first things first: nobody needs to justify their posting schedule and adherence or lack of adherence to it to anyone. writing happens at the pace it happens, or it doesn't happen at all. so i'm not sharing any of this as an apology or to seek reassurances from others.

i am sharing some of the circumstances because

i like bookkeeping like this

it helps me to keep things in perspective

i'm posting a note about the rescheduling anyway

as a reader, it's nice to know schedule breaks are like, controlled

as a reader, i'd be curious to hear about what's up

so yeah

i just got hit with a lot of shit all at once. or to be more accurate, i've been striving to do more things lately, which includes starting a new, more intense therapy thingie, so i was spread a lil thin. had been since february, actually - ch3 was a bit of a close call.

but while the new things on my plate are a bit straining, they're a net positive. a part and a sign of healing. yay!

unfortunately, while i was doing p well, a lot of people around me weren't. you can't write about a cute date while being there for a friend who's having a breakdown over a possibly relationship-ending Incident between them and their partner. another friend had a death in the family. and these are just two easily summarized ones.

but the point of sharing that is — hey, you know the quote of like, "if you don't take a break, your body will"? yeah. it's been quite bad with the migraines for me, and i ended up getting a random high fever too. i posted about it, and for a hot minute it looked like i might be able to hyperfocus my way into staying on schedule, but then i was threatened with another round of back to back migraines. it certainly didn't help that we got a bit of a snowstorm followed by super sunny weather, which means absolutely blindling light shining directly into your eyes from the low sun and reflection from the snow both, but mostly it was just the stress. which in turn wasn't helped that, once again, there were people coming into my flat to do shit related to the renovations going on in the building.

my migraines aren't that painful. i am on preventative medication (one intentional, one incidental), and while it can't prevent attacks when i pile up all the triggers for getting one like a fool for days on end, it keeps the pain levels so low i don't even need pain relief most of the time. the problem is, as a rule, my migraines involve some level of transient aphasia. can't write shit if i don't know what the fuck words are, right?

so, i did the only sensible thing and went to a party at a dungeon and made good food and rewatched monster factory and finally got my discount gym card renewed and actually lifted weights first time in forever. and now it's past the date when my rent is due and the new month Officially starts in my head, so i'm not going to hold onto the thought of "well, i might get the chapter out a couple days late, still?" especially not as i'm leaving for a trip at the end of this week, and chapter 5 needs time and care.

but hey, ch4 is well underway! like literally, if i hadn't had the one week-long migraine + fever combo, i would have been able to get it out on time :D

thank you for reading, as a lil treat here's a wip of the illustration for ch 3 - it's been a slow going too, because i'm struggling with the poses, so i've been working on everything other than the actual subject of the piece, haha!

[mina-van1104]

𝓢𝓽𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓼~All pictures of me. Super stressful couple of months lately, hopefully everything goes as planned & hope everything works out.

Acting like everything's okay eventhough I've been super emotional these past few months because something happened to me 3 months ago & am still beyond furious & angry-only a few friends & family know.

Anyways I'm going to distract myself with exercise with my dogs, good food, & sing to good music haha 🙌. There's been lots of ups & downs already, but still excited for what's to come in a few months! Yay! 😁

I hope it's a good year & huge prayers to all who need it. I still have recent physical health problems but have been feeling better than usual & have been doing short hikes with my dogs again. I just need mountains, trees, & good photography.😌

Always needing some prayers again.🙏 I, Mina Van 文风英 Woon Foong Yin (in Hakka Chinese).Proud nurse, coach. Nevada born & raised.Family living in Nevada for 45 (forty-five) years.Spread kindness.❤️

Song played on Instagram is called "100 Years" by Five For Fighting. Loved this band & song when I was a kid & still do. 😭🩵

In the name of the Guan Yin, Ong Lee (meaning Buddha in Hakka Chinese langauge), Yay-Su (Jesus Christ), Ty-uh- ma (Mother Mary Virgin Mother Mary)

In the name of Jesus, Amen!🙏

Then my other successful blood-related family of doctors in my family,🇺🇸veterans,doctors,nurses,coaches,news reporter,lobbyist,good singers,dancers,good photographers, good writers,artists,a cop,a dentist,teachers, etc.Mixed family of Asians & white people.Spread Kindness.

Again, half of our family is Asian half our family is white. Even-though my parents look Asian we have some Chinese, Vietnamese, Native American, small portions of French, German descent, Ashkenazi Jewish descent(but Jewish is not my religion), British,Irish, & smallest percentage of African American blood. (Through DNA Ancestry & 23 & Me).

✞♡ # Selfie # Nurse # Coach # NativeNevadan # StopAsianHate # Biden2024💙 # JesusChrist 🦂 # Buddha # GuanYin # MotherMary # NevadaBornAndRaised # HakkaChineseRaised # ProChoice (though, in politics) # Equality # Justice # Healthcare # Running 🏃🏻‍♀️ # NevadaNative # athletic # HomeMeansNevada # Nevada # UNRnevadaAlumnaMay2016 # 3collegeDegrees # 3MedicalLicenses

•2019:OlderSisterCatherineVan&Adam Schwartz’sWedding&TheirWebsiteOn: https://www.theknot.com/us/catherine-van-and-adam-schwartz-aug-2019•ReminiscingMoreThan200PeopleCame.

[dzpenumbra]

12/10/22

I'm still eating food, I've been grazing for like 2-3 hours now. I guess. I have such little perception of time, I swear. Hard to gauge because cooking took a long time. I made buffalo chicken crunchwraps, and good lord was it worth the effort!

Today was a much better day. Super productive, high energy. I got the meds for my cat sorted, we have them now, she gets them with her food at 11PM tomorrow. I am putting a notification in my phone now. I did it! I did the normal adult thing! Yay.

I decided to get groceries while I was out. I had to piss real bad the whole time, so it was pretty stressful, but I got it done. $200 for 3 bags of groceries. Like... what the fuck. Like... I'm not even buying meat anymore and this shit is just ridiculously expensive. Please tell me I'm not the only one noticing this. In my "I am barely functioning mid-20's" I was living off of like... frozen meals, energy drinks and gatorade and shit, and I could get like 3-4 bags full of that for like... less than $150. The shit I'm getting now is way cheaper, cooking it all myself, and it's more expensive. Dark times, man.

Anyway, I got home, threw some laundry in - it's super easy and the laundry is like... right below my place, so really conveniently located too. I had like an almost 3 hour conversation with my mom. A really good one. I legit had no idea how long the conversation went on for, I was planning a short one just to check in. We talked Christmas gifts, catching her up on the vet drama, and... my impostor syndrome. My struggle with accepting that I have ADHD. Which, coincidentally, happened to come at the same exact time as my struggle to accept that it's possible for me to be a successful professional artist. And that I even have artistic talent. What a fucking coincidence, huh? Probably just random chance, I'd bet. XD

She helped reassure me, and we talked through the implications, pros and cons of all outcomes. It really helped, I mean that. Just having another perspective on it, and one that has logged a ton of hours around my brain is just... invaluable, honestly. I'm sure any artist reading this could relate, when you work on a super detailed piece for like 30+ hours and even after stepping away and coming back... you still see every little mistake and it doesn't... awe you. Not the way someone else's piece would. But when you see the genuine reaction of someone seeing it for the first time and their jaw hits the floor... Yeah, dude. That can help pull those jaded blinders down a bit. Now take that experience and apply it to... your personality, the way you think, the way you experience life. That's a really tough one to like... get perspective on, especially when you've dedicated a big chunk of your life to trying to "play the game" and fit in. To not draw attention. To be "normal". To function by standards expected of you.

There are a few reasons I've been pushing back against this ADHD thing.

1) I have been misdiagnosed before - with epilepsy. I took it very seriously. I went through tons of med trials. I joined the Epilepsy Foundation. I wore a medical alert necklace every day. I did a 48 hour EEG with an electrode cap that I wore the whole time. Like, I remember vividly standing on my porch smoking cigarettes with gauze wrapped around my head, must've freaked out the neighbors. It was very shameful, very embarrassing, humiliating. And I still feel, even though it was completely naïve and not even my fault, like my actions were like... offensive to people who actually have epilepsy. Even in my ignorance. Yeah, I'm hard on myself, but like 5 years later I still feel that way. And I don't want to do that again.

2) I don't want to feel like I'm looking for an excuse to get me out of responsibilities in life. I have been treated this way constantly. Like I'm lazy or "not motivated" or slow, or dumb, or something. Mostly lazy though. Like "what the fuck, clean your dishes", "just clean your house, you'll feel much better". "Get a job." "Successful people make their bed in the morning." Shit like that. I'm adopting the suspicion of bitter people who hate their lives, people I haven't spoken to in years, and weaponizing that suspicion against myself as a way of talking myself out of a diagnosis I have confirmed at least 3 times. At different stages of my life, too. For fuck's sake, I even got a brain scan that confirmed this. But nope, enough people drilled this into my head at extremely vulnerable times... so... I must be actually lazy. And I must be so desperate to stay lazy and to cheat at life that I'm going to dig up a 20 year old diagnosis and point at it and go "look, look, this means it's okay for dishes to be difficult for me". Again, this overlaps with the impostor thing, because I am saying that. I am saying that dishes are significantly harder for me than neurotypical people, especially consistently doing dishes and staying ahead of them. The only catch here is whether the reason is because of ADHD, and for some reason... I feel like I need a more concrete or more recent diagnosis to really claim that.

I'm sure there are more reasons, but I feel like I'm just ranting and bitching and I'm actually getting bored of hearing myself complain about this. XD

I have been waiting all day to fire up a game of Rimworld, since like 2 days ago, actually. Because I've had so much going on that I haven't had any time to like... chill and unwind until after midnight. Guess what? It's after midnight. -_- Do I unwind with a game for a bit? (which will likely turn into 4AM really quick) Or do I start getting ready for bed?

Gonna say fuck it and roll the dice tonight, see what chance has in store for me.

[resilientkitteh]

Random Heartstopper Rewatch Fun! Episode 2: Crush

This will be a lot like my last post over the first episode so buckle up and on we go!!!

Okay so first off Charlie is adorable and awesome and I LOVE HIM. He can play the drums so well too which is EPIC!!! Anyways I love the way that Nick is like stalking his insta right now and like getting an even better feeling fur the type of person Charlie is! Also yay fur another cat purrson!!!

Kit's acting skills are on POINT and just fucking amazing! That picture where he thinks about how it must have been fur Charlie to be bullied in the corridors and such and the way that he is tearing up just gets me! Also they are adorable and I just really relate to constantly having to retype certain messages a million times XD

Charlie trying to figure out how to respond and like stop Nick from worrying and being so stressed about it that he shouts is a mood and I have been there! Also Nellie is the best little doggo ESA and I LOVE HER!!!! Points to Nick fur getting Charlie to open up, well done sir, very well done! Also awwwwww Nick cares about Charlieeeee!!!! I mean it's hella obvious to like everyone but it's still cute and Charlie's brain is stubborn af so he needs to hear that a lot!

And we are back to Ben the dickbag…FUCK you sir, okay?? Like you are being all nice and shit just so you can use this sweet little gay cinnamon roll and I really don't like you.

Charlie apologizing fur exposing that Ben is a dick is just…oh my goodness you adorable little cinnamon roll stop apologizing!!! Nick being super understanding and supportive here is such a win! I love it! Also dumb way to try and see if someone is straight Charlie…just saying lol But then again Nick is all confused soooo there is that. Nick's little smile when Charlie sends that heart emoji though!!!! Squeeeeeee it's adorable and I LOVE IT.

And we are at Higgs! Well done avoiding having someone assigned to look after you Elle! Seriously that sounds terrifying to me and just like it could end badly. Granted Tara is amazing but getting people to hang out with you because an adult is like do this thing please is not a fun time. Also Elle just go say hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

I really love the song Girls it's adorable and so accurate also it's nice to have so many gay songs in this showwwww!!!!!!!!

I LOVE how everyone is like "Nick is a massive heterosexual" and yetttttt it's like you don't know that. Just being masculine and good at sports doesn't make you straight!!!!!

Oh my goodness this convo with Mr. Ajayi is just like one of my favorite things ever! First there is "a question for the ages" which is incredibly accurate and I feel like so many of us have been there like shit we fell fur the straight person. UGH. Anyways onto his very accurate in my years at least line of "being a teenager is terrible" and I am like yaas an adult who gets it! Though I am sure he is also being somewhat overdramatic but like yeah it's not a fun time, or at least it's not fur a lot of us…

"I'm afraid you're just going to have to suffer then." Like I just love how open he is about it and like I gave you other solutions but you said no so alas that means you must suffer as all of us do when we fall fur a straight person. And also just Charlie being adamant of like NO I am gonna be his friend I don't care if it hurts I want to be near him! It's just precious!

Elle has a friend!!! I love how just nice and accepting and inviting Tara is, she is really an epic friend! Though I also had to chuckle at Elle's hesitation like…do you actually want me to come have lunch with you or were you voluntold? I get that feel.

Darcy has NO FILTER!!! Oh my goodness she makes me cackle so much! "Tara says you have no friends" also Tara's reactions to her words are always so fucking priceless to me. Darcy and Tara are purrfection together and I just really love their vibe and energy! They are so fun and great friends for Elle!

Nellie is adorable af and I love her! I also love how Nick is like showing off pictures of her to Charlie! Side note here, who hates animals so much that your kids can't have one?? Like even a little one or one that like has an enclosure or tank etc. That just bothers me is all anyways… Can we talk about how nonchalantly Nick invites over the OPENLY GAY kid!!!!!!!!! Like everyone thinks Nick is straight, he has some unfortunately homophobic people in his year and yet he is still just a great guy who wants to hang out with someone he really enjoys spending time with and doesn't seem to find it weird or anything. Just well clearly you have to come meet my dog then, obviously.

I swear you can see Charlie just light up when the idea of going to Nick's is mentioned and Idk I feel like (granted I was never really allowed out my house like ever) but going over to a friend's house is like a sign that you are close? So it's definitely not helping Charlie's intense crush on Nick but it makes him happy and he is starting to wonder if maybe there is something there? Or at least if he can spend even more time with his incredible and attractive new best friend. lol

The HAIR conversation with Tori just really sets up the whole adorableness with NICK in a few minutes and I FUCKING love it!!! Also Tori randomly appearing all the time is great and I am so glad I am not the only person who gets surprised all the fucking time by quite walkers. Charlie asking about his hair and Tori just insisting it LOOKS THE SAME is greatness and Charlie is just like why did I even ask you again? Clearly he is a little nervous and it's adorable and yeah I just love Charlie! They have a fun and yet very caring sibling relationship and I enjoy it! Nick being nervous about ringing that doorbell is precious and I am so glad he rang it!

The way that Nick and Charlie smile at each other whenever they first see each other is priceless and it makes my little shipper heart so fucking happy!!!!! Nellie is precious and adorable and I love how Charlie is like yep well I am gonna pet this doggo right now.

It takes Nick less than a MINUTE to realize Charlie got a haircut. I live with my partner and sometimes it takes me HOURS to realize that shit lol So yeah ummmm you are paying a LOT of attention to Charlie there Nick…just saying. And he just like immediately starts playing with it!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Squeeeeee!!! I LOVE IT! And Charlie being like…um oh I didn't expect you to notice…Then Nick catching himself and instead of telling Charlie that he looks great he says that his haircut looks great and just AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Like I saw you and what you were going to say just say it! lol Saved by Nellie whimpering to go out lol because like one of them would have had to keep going to fill the silence. Charlie's smile when he is like invited into the house is adorable!!!!!! He is so fucking happy!

The way that Nick just showers Charlie in compliments and words of affirmation is absolutely precious and it makes me so happy!! Squeeee also Charlie I love you but you are most definitely a nerd and at some point you are going to have to accept that. Can we talk about how much Nick seems to really admire Charlie? All those compliments and a list of things Charlie is good at is just so wonderful and with all Charlie has been through and is still going through it's so nice to see someone truly care about him for who he is and such and just AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Charlie putting his hand over Nick's mouth and practically sideways tackling him onto the bed is adorable and I just really LOVE how comfortable they are with each other!! AHHHHHHHH So fucking cute!!!! And I love how Nick is laughing the whole time he tries to fight back and get up. And as they sit back up and Charlie gets excited about something, Nick is just literally staring at Charlie with this goofy AF clearly head over heels in love grin on his face and it's precious and adorable and I LOVE IT!!! Charlie is staring out the window and doesn't notice it though.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Just trying to get that out because like I LOVE THIS WHOLE snow day scene so fucking much!! There is a reason it won an award and just AHHHHHHHHHH FEEEEELS my fangirl heart! Like it almost makes me wish I liked snow lol Anyways lets get into it, yeah? So first off, they just look at each other and wordlessly move off the bed in unison because like they are fucking going outside together. I LOVE THAT CHARLIE IS BORROWING NICK'S CLOTHES!!!!!!!! It's in the comic as well which I LOVE but it's just nice to see it and to see like Charlie trying them on and being soooooo little in them because Nick is like a tank compared to him lol and of course that hoodie looks good on Charlie, Nick, you have a crush on him and a lot of people love having their crushes wear their clothes...just saying...lol

"Dance with Me" Is a beautiful af song and definitely one I binge listen to alllllllllllllllll the fucking time! It's also just so perfect for this scene and these two because as you listen to the lyrics I feel like they just flow well with what the boys are feeling!

Nellie coming to play with them makes me super happy too because like she is adorable, they are adorable it just multiplies the ADORABLENESS!!!! And while Charlie is loving spending time with Nick I think spending time with Nellie is good for his mental health as well! Nick and Charlie having a snow ball fight is amazing and I LOVE it! Also that shot with Nick like tossing the snowball and catching it before throwing, idk it just always feels very skilled to me granted I generally hiss at the snow and try to hibernate so maybe it doesn't take that much skill? The way Charlie laughs when he hits Nick and just the sass and the way that they are so comfy with each other and just honestly having a good time makes my heart so happy!!! Nick just playing dirty and tossing a handful of snow on Charlie's head is adorable as well.

"But I think I really like you" from Dance With Me is so accurate for this scene and just AHHHHHHHHH I LOVE how perfect this soundtrack is, okay??????

And then NICK IS PLAYING WITH CHARLIE'S HAIR!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH Like how fucking cute and obvious can you be???? Which prompts Charlie to do the cute little nervous giggle and smile and just AHHHHHHHHHH then Charlie just starts making snow people and Nick is there just photographing him and I just CAN'T at how fucking cute and couply they ALREADY ARE!!!!!!!!!!!! And then Nick joins him and they have these two cute snow impressions that they make side by side hands nearly fucking brushing and just AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why are you two so damn cute??? My heart is gonna do an explode, okay?

Then in comes Nellie to join and make the selfies even cuter!!! I love the way they are both smiling in the photos as well as how they SMILE AT EACH OTHER after taking more photos and they are just both so clearly into each other!!!!!!!!! Nellie is laying on Nick but touching Charlie too and just AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE IT!!! So like couply and just like domestic-y though they aren't like married or anything I know but it's like homey and hopeful and precious and I love it! Also Nick just shouting more to the sky...I do that with rain so like I get it and he is adorable! I would also love so much more of this SCENE okay? I could watch all of the footage and just never be bored lol I LITERALLY repeat this scene almost every time I watch this episode! Skipping repeating it today was I am typing this monstrosity of FEEEEELS lol

I love Nick's cup and I don't really know why, I just do. I think it's cool that he has something that is clearly his I guess? Also yes Charlie is lovely, glad you noticed! Sarah Nelson is like a dream Mum, okay?

(about Charlie) "He's very different to your other friends, you seem much more yourself around him"

Nick, looking thoughtful and being like "Do I?" Then trying to spin the wheels to start his gay crisis as he is like what does that mean??? I think this guy is awesome, I want to spend all my time with him, he is adorable and cute and I just like so much about him and I feel comfortable with him...so what does this mean???? Or at least that is what I think Nick's internal monologue would sound like lol and that little chuckle at the end of it before the fade where he is like...yeah I guess you have a point there mum.

You can tell that Nick is like daydreaming about Charlie outside of the gate before he even pulls out his phone. Granted he is all sorts of confuse and not 100% sure why he needs to text Charlie but he does so out comes the phone. Imogen, I love you but go away you are not helping poor Nick! Random bit of info...hearing "your Mom" jokes doesn't sting any more so yay healing? Anyways onto the show! Nick now second guessing himself and his wants because Imogen opened her mouth and made him feel awkward about wanting to spend more time with Charlie so soon after spending time together...UGH Imogen...lol

Charlie watching Nick play rugby and his little smile AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so fucking cute and adorable!!!!!!! Tao trying to act like he knows rugby lol you are fooling no one lol Why is he so anti Nick??????? I feel like he is just not being nice when he says "rugby king" and then of course Tao is meddling and has innaccurate and very dated information on Nick's feelings and I know this and I am just screaming at my tv like why doesn't anyone just fucking ask NICK??????? And Charlie you are spot on little cutie so just keep dreaming and make your move!!!!!!!!!!!! And he was definitely flirting with you Charlie, 10000000% Ah yes Tao, please tell Charlie the name of this girl so he can obsess properly, thanks.

Oh hey look at that! They just won, everyone is celebrating AROUND Nick and guess who he is fucking WATCHING? His teammates on the field? His friends? His coach? NO. He is staring at CHARLIE and watching him!! Gazing longingly at the other boy! And you know waving at him and such after the game like "that was fur you" kind of how sometimes football players like hold the ball up after scoring? Anyways definitely an action I associate with love for the recipient! And Tao is doing a meddle again...however we have to talk about this line!

"As your token straight friend, it's my duty to remind you that sometimes people are straight. It's an unfortunate fact of life." Like I just love the drama here but also the way that he is trying to sympathize with Charlie even though he is straight and Charlie isn't. Idk it's just a great fucking line to me. Isaac shipping Nick and Charlie is amazing and epic and I love that his reasoning is that he wants to believe in romance. I just really find him very endearing and funny. And when he's excited Isaac seems to talk rapidly which I do so it makes me feel seen.

Elle being like will you 3 calm down and talk at a pace that someone can understand???? Lol then her response to Charlie liking Nick just oh my goodness!! Why does he have to be straight??? Y'all need to just talk to the guy!!! Tao's sassy face about Elle being the cool and mysterious new girl is just fucking adorable and I love them together! Charlie trying to brush off his crush with Nick and I am like you aren't being stupid, your friends are being stubborn headed and asssssssuming! Then Elle caves to ask if she has the chance and we get to see a cute little group hug and I really enjoy how close knit they are and I love seeing them all happy!

Suddenly, Elle gets the opportunity to ask!!! I do think it's so funny with Darcy's pronunciation and her hilarious "accidental" gender change when she answers the question, it's just a very cute moment! And how Tara just gives Darcy so much shit in a loving way they are super precious! Elle is already putting it together that they might be a couple...y'all are not as subtle as you think okay??

Oh my goodness Charlie's little sad cat pouty face when he is thinking Nick likes Tara is just adorable and sad and he needs a HUG. Specifically a NICK HUG!!! Can we talk about how they added like the blackness around the edges to symbolize like negative thoughts, depression and anxiety in this? I love it so much because it is so accurate like you are seeing the world as it is but all that darkness and awful thoughts and shit is just creeping in around the edges until it threatens to block out all the light and the good. I just really feel that and I LOVE the accuracy of it. So anyways Charlie does a depressive zone spiral thing and then BAM! Nick manages to get him back to reality and be like hellooooo what's going on?

Then when Charlie doesn't really seem to come out of his funk Nick is like okay, lemme move closer to you, give you my undivided attention and see what is the matter! Because Nick is that in tune with Charlie's emotions that he knows almost instinctively that something is off! I feel like you only have that connection with a few people so I LOVE how close they already are and just how into Charlie Nick is!!! Also the face he makes when Charlie is clearly struggling to say anything like AHHHHHHHH MY FEEEEELS!! Charlie you sir are a chicken and the coming drama could be avoided if you just asked your question!!!! lol But nice save inviting him to your house! And Nick's little happy chuckle and smile at being invited and also possibly just having his heart warmed that Charlie wants him to come over while finding Charlie being nervous to ask absolutely endearing!

And we are back to the world's least subtle lesbians lol XD Elle has it figured out! Mwahahahaha! Darcy, never become a spy lol "admiring Tara's hands" oooookay. Yay for them trusting Elle and Elle having her own Higgs Trio!!!!

AHHHHHH how are their smiles so fucking cute! They are just like ahh yes its you and I love you so big smile of love! And Nick really can't play the drums but I love his concentration and effort lol Also he just has great facial expressions so well done Kit! The fact that Charlie just sits on this TINY fucking stool right next to NICK, his CRUSH, just baffles me! He is clearly like oh this is safe I am teaching him something but like he totally takes Nick by surprise and teaches him something VERY different. Charlie is just so into the beat and the music and enjoying having Nick there to show the drums to and Nick is like enamored AF with Charlie and staring at their hands because Charlie is basically holding his hands, and then he just stares at Charlie's face and watches him get lost in the beat and just smiles at him lovingly and it's absolutely precious and just AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He just keeps looking back and forth from Charlie holding his hands to the cute drummer's face and I am dead! Also Charlie you sir are one oblivious teen at times lol That awkward bit of laughter at the end is adorable and just ahhhh!!! Charlie seems to eventually realize how close they are because he gets up and backs away with a lame excuse but it's whatever lol

And then we are downstairs and they are watching a movie together and I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!! Charlie is an adorable sleeper and watching Nick just like watch him and smile softly at him...and I feel like Nick knows without a doubt that Charlie trusts him at this point because like he is sleeping just out in the open next to him and it's not even that late so I hope he realizes that and it's part of why he smiles! And the fireworks as he puts his hand over Charlie's!!! AHHHHH!!!! And then he tries it again, but he just can't get his nerve to take Charlie's hand which is sad but also just fucking adorable!!!! Plus he now is aware that he wants to hold Charlie's hand so we have some progress towards his proper full on gay crisis so there is that. Also the way his heart is clearly racing is just so fucking realistic, it feels like that and I am just so glad with how it's portrayed!

Neither one of them wants the night to end!!!!!!!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are so into each other and want to spend alllll the time together and it makes me so happy!!!! Nick I think the word you are looking for is "CUTE" not cuddly but I mean you aren't wrong with that choice...just not quite on the mark as to what you really are thinking...unless that means "I would really like to cuddle you" which is fair and far more accurate so well done! lol Nick's smile when he looks Charlie over again to affirm that he is indeed looking cuddly, is just so cute and nervous and into Charlie and I LOVE IT!!! And then suddenly Nick is hugging Charlie!!!!! Out of nowhere! And it takes Charlie by surprise so he like waits to respond and hug him back fur a bit like...tf is going on? But then he is like oh fuck Nick is HUGGING ME!!!!!!!!!! I need to hug him back! And I want to believe that they are both in their own little paradise regardless of any other emotions they are feeling in this moment. Just blisssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nick being nervous and not really knowing how to explain his need to hug Charlie so not really making eye contact as he leaves is just too fucking cute and relatable! I LOVE HIM! And he is like "see you Monday" trying to not make it a big deal but they both know it's a BIG FUCKING DEAL. It wasn't even a short hug, okay? This was like at least a TEN SECOND HUG!!!!!!!!!!! Not your usual hug length for a friend unless you haven't seen them in furever I feel like and especially not a good bye see you in a day one...but that could just be me...

"I don't think he's straight." First off Tori I just really love you, okay? You are a great big sister and I love the way you are there for Charlie. Secondly I love how you just magically appear all the time and can clearer read people better than Charlie lol I also want to congratulate you on being the first person to even entertain the idea that Nick isn't straight, besides Charlie of course. So yeah thank you!!!!!!!!

And start Nick's gay panic mode, like hard core! As in enough to start googling lol poor Nick that shit is so hard to understand!!!! I love you so much and you have such an amazing journey and we were all rooting for you every step of the way! Also you are adorable and just so aware of yourself that I applaud you on that and for really trying to understand rather than bury it even though it is scary!

CHARLIE'S text to his friends makes me giggle so fucking much! the capitalization for Hot Straight Boy and the fact that he is like um is this normal??? Also it was a LONG hug, okay? I counted! Tao's sassy response is just very Tao and makes me giggle though not my favorite idea to put in Charlie's mind.

Nick just looking through his pictures with Charlie and smiling is so fucking cute and sweet!!! And we have ALL FUCKING DONE IT! Don't you lie! So yeah again very cute and accurate and just AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! And the song, Why Am I Like This??? It's fucking AMAZING and I totally understand it so fucking much! I get that and especially when it comes to like some of the lyrics "maybe you don't really want me there..." and "thinking right over every single word of the conversation we just had" such an excellent portrayal of anxiety as well as potentially depression or some other side effect of a host of other mental illnesses. The music just fits really well with Nick doubting everything so much and being anxious about it as well as just being incredibly relatable in some way for so many!

Annnnnnnnd here comes Elle with the save of Tara is NOT into Nick! Huzzah! The way that Charlie sits up when he reads that text is adorable AF and like I did that, I remember doing that lol I mean I also do similar things when I read a great fic though soooo XD

And now Nick is trying to figure out why he wants to hold hands with and cuddle Charlie. Like seriously I am so purroud of you Nick! I know it's absolutely terrifying but you are doing it and I am so purroud of you! And thanks fur being true to yourself and showing us all that it can be scary but it's so worth it! And then it ends...as he hits send fur the search "Am I gay?" which is such a great ending but also AHHHHHHHHHHHHH my FEELS!!!!!!!!!!! I always want to scream you are into Charlie regardless soooo KISSSSSSS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

[insufferablelust]

I ummm woupd it be okay to ask you to do a mgg x reader smut. Like he ties reader up and fucks her but like sticks his fingers in her mouth to suck on but she is also really bratty and likes to make things hard for him (like at work) and just super dom mgg and really bratty reader. Idk I'm awkward sorry you dont have to write it I just thought maybe a suggestion I mean I really like your working and all

Finally new smut! yay! anyways i combined these two amazing mgg concepts from my queens and then turn them into this, adding my spice into it as well so i hope y’all love this! thank you for the reqs queens!! MASTERLIST OF ALL MY WORKS.

WARNINGS : Dom!Mgg x Sub!Reader, Degradation by name calling, Rough sex, Oral fixation, back seat abandoned building car sex, exhibitionism, overstimulation, lots of teasing, and all the good stuff. Plus fluffs!!! Read at your own risk❤️ leave a like and reblog, thanks!

———————

Having an actor as a boyfriend surely has its perks, one being the fact that i always gets to see how Matthew make his own version of art, his visions, as well as his god gifted talent, i must say that it warms my heart to no end, seeing him so passionate about something that he can even do in his sleep.

With perks, comes the not so pleasant ones, one of them is not seeing him for weeks sometimes. His busy schedule has put my relationship through some rocky beginnings, thankfully we made agreements and that’s settled. Of course, i could visit him whenever i want, even if it requires a plane ticket— he’ll provide it (not that you’ll take it.) but today is one of those days when the amount of missing him became greater than to actually wait patiently.

The location where Matthew currently filming, wasn’t that far from our shared house so it shouldn’t be that bad right?.... Wrong. A month into the filming process i felt the neediness present, he comes home every night yet you still miss him. He filmed during the day mostly, coming home late already tired, and then when his director gave him a time off or day or two break, he spent it by rereading scripts or working on directing his small projects.

It’s not that i didn’t understand his schedule, but something about having him so close yet so far away just chipped away any patience i have left in me. Frustrated, i grabbed the car keys and decided to go to where he was filming. I knew that he wouldn’t have a problem with you coming in, but I knew that would definitely have a problem or two about what i’ve been planning.

So you drove for an hour, until you reached the filming set, finding yourself growing expectedly needy and nervous. You texted him saying that you were on your way, the way he answered left you giggling and smiling like a schoolgirl.

“Sure sweetheart, come on over, my lunch break is at 12.15, we can have lunch together. When you got here just knock on trailer 4. Love you.”

Your knocked on his trailer door, anxiously biting your lips at the anticipation, it shouldn’t be such a big deal, you’ve visited his set couple of times before— it’s just.. what you wear and what you have in mind is making you jumpy with adrenaline coursing through your bloodstream. Only wearing one of his button ups, tucked inside the plated skirt that stop around mid-thigh. It’s one of his... kink really to see you in such a mundane outfit yet something about seeing you in his clothing on public nonetheless flick the switch inside Matthew, makes him go feral.

So as soon as he opened the trailer door, and see the sinful cladded clothing, he yanked you inside and furiously carry you to his lap as he sit down on one of the chairs. “Are you fucking crazy?” His tone sent chills down your spine, you know better than this, than to show up while he’s working, in such clothing that drove him mad. The tone in his voice plus the way he gripped your hips should’ve warned you just how mad he is. But you just innocently shrugged, and rolled you eyes, licking your lips before muttering a soft, “last time i check, i’m doing just—“

You were cut off instantly by the grip that’s now strongly held against the skin of your jawline, and the fingers that was penetrating your very lips. The act, sent your blissful sear to your core.

“Shut up, and listen here you insatiable bunny. I have to finish few more scenes, and it shouldn’t take long. I want you to be a good bunny, and behave. I’m giving you a chance to be good here, if you obey what i said, i’ll give you rewards but if i catch you disobeying me whilst i’m gone, believe me you won’t walk let alone sit for a week, pet.”

Matthew’s eyes burned holes through your skull, his fingers shoved deeper making you gag slightly, cheeks running with tears. “Do you understand, or do i have to write it down for needy whores like you hm?” His words are downright cruel yet your panties got more damper and damper. The only thing you can let out is soft whimpers and nods at him, your fingers scratching his arms to let you breathe.

“If you lie, i’ll know. Now be good, i’ll see you in a bit.” He pushed his lips against yours, kissing the tender lips softly before pulling away and then out the door.

Your heart was beating so fast, and your core ached, truly ached and sopping wet. You almost cried out at the frustration, but decided that you can take it, you’ll take it. So you decided to just lay there and tried to get some sleep. You thought the desire should’ve burned down for a bit after you wake up, but if anything it grows stronger and made you needier.

You were so desperate that you half expectedly slip your fingertips past through the waistband of your panties, sighing as you dream about the sensation of being touched by him, his fingers, his lips, his tongue, his damn cock. “Please..” You whimpered out to no one in particular, just the surrounding space on his trailer. “Matthew..” You moaned again, this time louder— loud enough that you don’t ever hear him opening the door, your eyes only opened when he slammed it, now standing in front of you, his hands tucked away inside his pants pocket.

“Matthew i—“

“Lay over my lap.” He commanded, the way he said it surely alerted all the nerves inside of you. You drew in a sharp breath, before crawling to where was sat at the edge of the chair, and lay tummy down across his lap, the skirt you wore made it easy for him to slide your panties down and shove them inside your mouth as he palmed your ass, gripping it hard, then before you could even breathe, his palm crashed against your ass cheeks.

“Count, and thank me.”

“One! Thank you Matthew!”

There’s something about her calling his name, begging him to do anything that gets him going every-time. He loves it especially when she’s basked with his scent, his clothes, him just him. Call him simply in love or obsessed, he doesn’t care as long as he’s with her. Being in control helps him relinquish all his stress, but really— it’s her who’s in control, if you want to stop he’ll stop. But he knows, both of them pleased each other and willing to go for miles just to be close and intimate.

“Five! oh! t-thank you.” Her breathing was shallow, her ass was on fire, and her core was dripping wet. This is what he loves about their relationship, the dynamics, and the amount of trusts they have with one another always sparked something inside him and her. God he would die for Y/N.

“Ten! please please!” He smiled, before yanking her hair upwards, bending down— his lips trail kisses from her neck up to her ear as he whispered, “What are you begging for, doll?”

“Touch me! please Matthew!” The way she begged turns him on like no other, yet he knows what she wants, and he’s going to give it to her. Making sure she will learn not to tease him this time.

“You’re so cute, and a mess too. I bet you love it don’t you? being a greedy mess for me?” The condescending tone of his should make her angry, but instead she moaned- she bloody moaned. “uh huh! i’m yours right?”

At that she turns to look at him in the eye, knowing just how frustrated if he sees her eyes, her damn puppy eyes. He knows her trick well enough to give her one more slap before tugging her to stand up shakily, whilst still holding onto her waist so that she won’t fall.

“Here’s what we’re going to do pet, we’re going to your car, and then we’ll wait until we get home. Okay baby?”

“No! no! no please!” Y/N whined as she stomped her foot like a child, the stern line of his jaw clenched as his palm burned and twitch with the need to reminds her to not talk like that to him. Yet he held back, decided to wait until a bit later.

“C’mon brat, fix yourself and let’s go.” And just like that, he walked away packing his things, leaving her wet and ready as tears streamed down her eyes, She’s so damn needy.

Pulling herself up, she fixed her make up as best as she can before gathering her things and catching up to him who’s already situated himself on the driver seat of her car.

If this is the game he wanted to play, then game on, Gubler.

—————

It started when they were about halfway to their house, long enough to make him believe that she’s well behaved. Uh oh, not when your girl is Y/N, she thinks. She parted her legs wide, pulling the palm that has been resting on her thigh for a while now deeper into where he could feel the heat through her panties.

“Y/N.” Matthew warned, his eyes flicking towards her, but instead of pulling back his hands— he gripped her inner thigh tightly instead causing her to whimper in delight from the mixture of pain and pleasure.

“Yes, M- Oh...” She fluttered her eyes shut as she make a dramatic arch of her back, as she felt his knuckles grazed against her puffy clit. Her free palm reached out to palm his cock through the pants he was wearing, earning strings of ‘fucking brat.’ from him which made her giggle.

“Oh, you’re enjoying this hm? Enjoy testing me like this?” Y/N innocently tilted her head, and shrug as if she’s not giving him a hand job right now. “Ah look at you, so cute. Just remember the consequences, petal.”

She giggled like an angel that she is before leaning to his side as her hand unbutton his pants, earning a loud “Don’t you dare.” From him, which she only replied with a lip bite and then took his hard cock out, gently running her fingertips against the veins.

“Oh but look baby! you’re clearly loving it right now.” She bat her eyelashes up at him before leaning down and place her warm mouth around the head of his cock, causing him to press the gas pedal a bit too hard. “You insatiable fucking minx.” He groaned, one hand on the steering wheel and the other one tangled in her hair pushing her down his cock.

Matthew was trying so hard to focus yet he just couldn’t, who’s to blame him? his girl’s warm mouth is around his cock, and the sight of her bending across the damn center console with her ruined panties on his peripheral vision doesn’t sit well with safety. Finding the nearest abandoned property and pulled over, before pulling her head up.

“Dirty whore, get in the back and get on your hands and knees.” He hissed, as he released the grip on her hair, which she obeyed immediately, crawling to the back seat on hands and knees as he waited for him. They’ve done this enough times to know which position allows them to have the best sensation.

The moment he crawled his lanky self to the backseat, her grip on the leather seat tighten— preparing herself for whats to come. She felt the grip on her waist as Matthew yanked up her skirt and then push her panties to the side before pushing his cock right into her dripping wet cunt, both of them moaning loudly, finally feeling the pleasure they’ve been teased out of each other.

Matthew didn’t spare her anytime to adjust to his impressive length as he immediately begins thrusting with a brutal pace, making sure to dug his nails onto her skin— leaving marks and indents.

“You love this don’t you? fucked in the backseat of your own car like a damn cheap whore.” He whispered harshly, causing her to buck against him— which resulted in quick violent slaps against her ass as he pound his cock into her like a maniac.

“Yours— yours Matthew, fuck.” She cried out, feeling the way his cock nudge her spot every time he thrusted inside making her mewls. Matthew yanked her hair back so Y/N’s back flushed against his front, slowing down his pace.

“You wanna cum baby? yeah?” He muttered darkly, his thrusts slowing down but pressing deeper that she could even feel it inside her tummy. Y/N tried to find the words but she just couldn’t, not when his cock is perfectly nudged against her spot so she cried out a loud yes instead and hoped that her boyfriend would give her mercy.

“Cum, go on..” She let out a confused moan, knowing that he usually don’t let her cum this easy, but paying no mind as she came around his cock, and screamed into the leather seat as Matthew released the grip on her hair.

He let her ride out her orgasm, and she was about to thank him and offered him a blowjob because she think she can’t take anymore pounding feeling overly overstimulated— yet that thought drowned as soon as his hips bucks up and continue to thrust her in a much faster and hard pace causing her to let out screams.

“No! n-no ah! Matthew! too much oh too much!”

“Shh, take it. You want to cum right? so you’ll keep on coming, baby go on.” He laughed against her ear as he keeps on thrusting, feeling himself got close. “N-please..”

“Cum again come on.” He hissed as he could feel the way her walls tightened so deliciously, encasing her velvet around his cock. The minute her screams went high pitched and her body violently shake, he knew she just came and that sent him to shoot heavy spurts inside of her, with heavy breathing and whispers, “Shit. You did so good baby, so so good, Y/N..”

—————

They both come down from their high slowly as Matthew pulled out of her, immediately pulling some tissues from her bag and wipe them both gently— trying not to cause any pain. “Shh it’s okay.. come here baby.” He said as he placed her on top of his lap after he cleaned them both.

“Hey.. I love you so much Y/N.” He whispered, fingers playing with her hair as she smiled against his sweaty neck and whisper a soft “I love you, Matthew. sorry for being a brat.” Which earned her a laugh from him,

“I still love you even if you’re being bratty. Just give me more reason to put you back in your place right princess?” He then move his fingertips to stroke her cheeks, feeling the flesh warmed up to his touch, as his thumb pressed against her lips.

She then opened her lips slowly, letting him push his thumb inside to let her suckle on it. Sometimes after a particularly rough sex like this or just generally when she’s trying to calm herself down, he would let her suck on his fingers. His girl surely has an oral fixation, but its also coping mechanism.

As he heard her breathing slow and even, he smiled— knowing she’s asleep. He waited for few more minutes before laying her on the back seat with a blanket covering her that he pulled out from the trunk, pressing one last kiss on her forehead before going back to the driver seat and then drive back home.

The day was perfect, and Matthew wouldn’t trade it with anything else.

———————

Blurb Reqs are open, send in your requests now. ❤️ thank you for supporting.

[fukurodaze]

can i have (timeskip?) kuroo with a fem! s/o who is a sophisticated introvert that intimidates people because she doesn't smile or talk much but when she's with friends she's actually really nice, funny and outgoing, and she has really good fashion sense? (i'm sorry if this is too specific lmao you can ignore this i'm just yearning for kuroo HAHAHAHA)

this is so funny because this dynamic is literally THE cutest

so you know how kuroo works in pr right so this is The Office Romance Of The Century

the meeting <3

so kuroo works on the ninth floor and you work on the twentieth floor

though you guys work in different departments, you guys are both around the same age so you guys kind of have the same workloads because yall are still starting

different departments eventually do have different schedules, but as newbies you guys kind of follow one (1) basic timetable that is really just 9 to 5

one thing you never expected about the office: good ass food.... like you thought the bread at your school canteen was good? wait till you find the sandwiches on the fourth floor

and since you quite literally have no friends in this big ass building and there aren’t many co-workers who are your age you kind of hold onto the nice yakiniku sandwiches on the fourth floor

it gets rough in a new workplace for the first time ://

so the sandwiches become your routine - around 5-6pm, you’re coming down a whole sixteen floors otw home but also to get that nice thick yakiniku sandwich

guess who else comes? 

YA GUESSED IT!! UR FRESH OUT OF COLLEGE KUROO TETSUROU!!!

despite telling himself that he’s really easing into the work life well because his senpais tell him he’s smart, he really doesn’t know anyone

he also finds it weird asking his co-workers to drink as he feels like they should be the ones inviting him so he ends up just chillin it out with some surprisingly good sandwiches downstairs

he likes the chicken ones bc they’re just so nice n crispy yay

he kinda feels shit about it sometimes but thats just how it is huh... corporate work... no friends... and all the rest of his friends r like in other places... yeah

ay but at least he finds this cute girl ordering the same thing over and over again at the same time he’s there

he ignores it at first but you know the saying that the more you see someone the more likely they become more attractive in your eyes?

yeah... that’s kuroo @ u...

and usually he’s doesn’t really pay no mind to people who just do their own business

but your fits r just too cool for this workplace... like mans has been coming to work with suits and youre out here with some combo streetwear power suit... sometimes u wear the highest heels and sometimes you wear the chunkiest sneakers but still manage to look so sleek n sophisticated like 24/7

could it be... he finds you... attractive??? even though you don’t smile much?

kuroo doesn’t stall, so he just goes “i like your style”

my my... you love hearing that dont’cha

but u were like “thanks” 😐

he’s like sheesh

and as he’s about to leave you ask, “what department do you work in?”

kuroo does a double take and is like “um... PR...?” he literally looks over his shoulder to see if you’re talking to anyone else because yo... is this you showing interest???

spoiler alert this is the introduction to his chapter in your love life <3

look it’s not hard for kuroo to get along with quieter people because he used to be siiiiilent, and he’s also grown up with kenma, who was much more introverted throughout middle school and high school

god, you felt so comfortable

and he was SO hot.... WTF

but yeah you’re always like 😐 but make it chic because your fits r fire and your eyeliner SLAYS

this may or may not have turned into a little date at the bar nearby

yes the sandwiches are good but you know what’s even better? drinking some good food in tokyo as Official Employees of the Japanese Volleyball Association

this night was pretty flirty, what can u expect... compliment here, hand brush there, cute laughs n chuckles everywhere

hahaha when kuroo saw you laugh and get super talkative... is that a turn on or what... youre also like funny too??? oh cmon...

safe to say you said yes when he asked you out again, and he swears he would do anything to see you laugh again 🥰

and yes, he does see that laugh again. a lot of times, actually.

the relationship <3

first off: he likes seeing u all professional... good food 

second: him in a suit??? yessir. him making connections??? YESSIR

you guys end up hanging around a lot with each other at the office even when you’re busy. and yknow, since it’s the honeymoon phase, might as well sneak a kiss. or a lot of kisses.

people get so surprised when this happens at first, since theyre like... why r they both disappearing 24/7... they cant be going together bc hes... kuroo... and you’re... you... aren’t you guys are supposed to be DIFFERENT??

he always goes heart eyes for u even though it seems like you’re always shooting daggers at him from everyone else’s pov

eventually, as you two get more comfy with each other and spend more time, you find yourself at his place like 4 days out of 7... his place is closer to the office anyways so it’s just convenient especially when you’re busy with your department when kuroo isn’t, and it demands later nights and earlier mornings

when BOTH of you are busy... expect stress makeouts in the kitchen

the way yall would shower together not because of sexy vibes but because yall both overslept and literally have no time 😭

but that doesn’t mean yall dont enjoy it!! u think he’s hot, he thinks you’re hot, works well (you two still end up arriving late)

eventually people see how you guys walk to work together in the mornings a lot... and go home together a lot... and drink at bars together...

and they’re like holy fuck how did kuroo snatch her... like other than the fact that he’s hot... she literally doesn’t smile and is so scary

the sandwiches on floor four have become breakfast burritos because none of yall go home at 5 all that often anymore

but on a lucky day where destiny aligns itself with the stars and time and the volleyball league you’re lucky to get a yakiniku. or maybe chicken.

you guys influence each other, and it’s so funny seeing kuroo come in with some more colourful suits after you told him to experiment with colour

the other people at work r like: kuroo ur gf controls u

kuroo’s like yeah she’s like powerful huh 😏

you kind of laugh it all off, since now you have your own friends at work too, and so does kuroo

they surprisingly ask a lot about your relationship... and though you would like to brag about your very good boyfriend, you keep it pretty vague

you do like to talk about important days though, like anniversaries

but being with kuroo has genuinely made you more comfy in the workplace even though yall are in different departments

you love hearing kuroo’s stories about his co-workers, and you wondered if you could kind of have those kinds of relationships with your co-workers too

your closest co-workers have always been kind to you, albeit intimidated at first

but they’re great shopping buddies, great listeners, and great gossips <3

you normally wouldn’t care about gossip but it’s fun to laugh about sometimes when you’re getting ready for bed and he’s like “by the way... have you heard of [person A] doing ... ” on call

and you’re like oh yeah, actually i have

even he’s surprised at first because you seem like that cool introverted employee but you do have your fits of laughter and bouts of humour

you guys become more comfy with your jobs, and before you know it, a year has passed

you’ve moved in lol

kuroo’s just 100% heart eyes for u pls

the vibes you guys are as a couple?? immaculate. everyone looks at yall like holy fuck. opposites attract and it’s HOT

and it’s so good because you guys know each other so well, from personalities to bodies to work

when you’re on a low, he holds you close and tells you such sweet things, but makes sure to give you space

when he’s on a low, you make sure to talk to him to take him off of his thoughts, to reassure him

kuroo kind of realises he’s actually... like REALLY in love with you and it just hits him a week before christmas when he looks into his cupboard and hates how it’s so messy but ends up swooning 😭

so the next day LIKE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING he’s like “hi. im renting a car. and i am in love with you. do you wanna go on a christmas trip together?”

you don’t even react when he says that... it’s just two seconds of silence and then “okay. i’m in love with you too.”

he’s like “cool. cool.”

proceeds to smother ur lipstick when he kisses u right after work... 

but u love him anyway 🥰

and in that trip... just you two in a strange place together... with nobody else...

he sees you with him for a long, long time

and honestly, with the feeling of his hand in yours, you don’t think you’ll be going anywhere either.

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

i am very much enjoying my vague void! it's currently blasting hozier at full volume and that's almost louder than my internal screaming (don't worry, everything is fine, i just saw a spider)

i've never once in my life have followed a recipe correctly. all of my measurements are completely random and whatever happens happens. it is no longer in my hands. whatever eldritch entities exist take the wheel. and i absolutely refuse to spell anything in english without autocorrect because y'all have way too many double letters and random vowel placement

thank you! sadly, i won't have a break right now, because we just had christmas vacations, but the start of the new semester is always pretty chill. and you're absolutely right, i should take up necromancy! the snow and the cold will add to my mysterious vibes. i just need to get a big black cape with a hood to complete the aesthetic

i definitely picture everything above 5'6 feet as the same height. 5'7 and 6'2? the exact same thing. no difference here

how is morepork a real bird name. it's just... more pork? but the bird is magnificent. i completely approve of your first order as bird queen, not that you need approval from mere peasants like me, but it's a great order. ohhh salps look really cool, and it does look a lot like it! when you said boob implant i thought of mermaids and them using salps as boob implants but then i realised wait wouldn't jellyfish be better for that? because of their shape? ignoring their little leggies they're quite boob shaped, no? and then i realised that i was thinking about mermaids and alive boob implants... if i had to think it, you have to read it. i'm sorry

i was sold before but now i'm even more sure that i want to hire you. and I'll make sure to have lactose free cheese for the backflips (unless you want the lactose version? i'm not judging). will the biting of ankles cost extra?

that sounds like a brilliant set-up for a horror movie where they kill off all the children one by one. it's absolutely horrifying. if something like that would've happened to me i would've most likely just passed out. whatever happens afterwards is not my problem. and now i really don't want to know what the hell your leg was caught on because that seems like knowledge that would get me killed

ah so you're a fellow dirt eater? according to my mom my favourite thing to do outside when i was a little kid used to be eating sand. just shovelling handfuls of it into my mouth and crying when my mom made me spit it out. which i refuse to believe. if there are no photos it didn't happen

you warm climate people are starting to make me think that i'm better adjusted to the cold than i thought i am! it's either that or our buildings are better heated. i definitely don't know if anyone else calls hot water bottled hotties but i like it so from now on i'm using it

that's so cute! i was clearly a way more selfish child because when i found any amount of money i just kept it and bought candy as soon as i could. i clearly couldn't save money then and i can't now. we have stores like that (or i'm assuming that they're like that solely based on how they sell lollies) and they used to be my favourite thing because you could get so many lollies for such a small price!! and my mom even used to let me order for myself sometimes so i always felt like a very big girl jsjshsbsjk

also the fact that i can't send pictures on anon is a crime (yes i know why and it's good that that's not possible because can you imagine anons being able to send pictures? oh no is all i have to say about it) but anyways. because i have this one super cursed photo that reminded me of you and now i can't share it :((

duuuuude, sick void bro. sounds like a vibing void. I feel like I haven’t seen a spider in awhile. Other than daddy long legs. But they’re chill. They mind their own business. 

I nearly always follow recipes exactly. My mum is like oh cook this for about 7 minutes? Yeah sure. I’ll take a wild guess. I’m like they say exactly 7 minutes so I’ll set a timer for 7 minutes and start a stopwatch so if it does seem to need more than 7 I can keep an eye on the extra time and be aware of exactly how long it takes me for next time. Other people are like oh let's see I have [lists 5-10 things in their fridge], hmm...oh I know what I could make with that! I’m like I have beans in my freezer because one recipe required them and no other recipes I know how to make do so what am I supposed to do with these now,,, this is stressful,,, basically I barely know how to cook and recipes are the only things saving me in that area. That is entirely fair. Except for the fuck duck, and murder is not the word you want surely, situations, it’s pretty helpful.

Ohhh I see. At least the start is chill! For a little! Before your entire situation spirals out of hand and you’re behind in every class and it’s taken you a whole day to read 10 pages and you’re exhausted and it’s only week 2. Just me? ok. fair. anyway. I want a cloak so bad. One of my uni friends tempted me to class because she said she was wearing a cloak so my depressed ass honest to god dragged myself out of bed and to said class just to see it. It was worth it. They’re incredible. Everyone should own a big cloak for the aesthetic.

I’m glad it isn’t just me hahaha. I can visualise my own height in feet but everything else is just the same size that is a vague amount taller than me, mentally.

It’s also known as the ruru. But the name morepork amuses me. It’s named after the call it makes haha. It does sound like it’s asking for more pork if you know to listen for that. thank u for ur approval, it means a lot, turns out becoming bird queen didn’t ACTUALLY get rid of my anxiety disorder weirdly enough so validation is great! lmaooo. What if the jellyfish stung them tho? At least salps wouldn’t do you dirty like that. The mermaids would just look like there are hundreds of bugs crawling around in their boobs, flesh shifting as they float around. Which is a vibe. If you’re into that. Jellyfish WOULD make a more solid, single, implant, some of them are definitely boob shaped. But that’s kinda boring no one’s gonna be traumatised by that. Salps on the other hand...yeah, that sight will DEFINITELY traumatise someone.

To be PERFECTLY honest I haven’t done a backflip in years but for lactose-free cheese? Dude. I’ll be going back to training. Gonna be the best backflip you’ve ever seen. As long as it’s not Tasty cheese I am content, but lactose free IS better. The biting of ankles will not cost extra, it is a pleasure to be allowed to do that.

Oh it absolutely would be. It’d be very funny if it reached the wider world bc people would probably be like ok but who would send kids into the bush like that,, it’s an odd concept. meanwhile everyone who grew up in nz is gonna be like y’all, you’re not gonna fuckin BELIEVE what i experienced growing up, it’s real dude. On one hand, I feel like murdering kids in a movie is questionable, on the other hand, It exists, so maybe people would be down for it. I feel like it’d be a good concept even if it wasn’t murdery tho. Like psychological horror? I’m not sure if I’m using that category correctly I don’t watch much horror. A kid following the rope but then being shifted into a different horror dimension but they never take the blindfold off because their teachers said not to and they’d probably have to let go of the rope to do it...I feel like this could work super well as a short film. The viewers see everything. The child just knows something is off and no one is coming when they call for help. I am so down for this. I also do not want to know what my leg was caught on. Some things I am better off not knowing.

yes! I am a fellow dirt eater! We had a sandpit at home (that’s a little bold. It was a large plastic shell that my parents filled with sand. technically a sandpit. but not fancy sdflsdkfsdf) but I don’t think I ever tried to eat it. Then again, I possibly did and just don’t remember because there’s no photo evidence of that one. I’d have to ask my parents sdfhsjdfs, I would however fully believe them if they said yes. it’s very characteristic of me. I don’t doubt it for a second. muuuum that’s my emotional support sand don’t make me spit it out smh the disrespect these days.

Oh I’m absolutely terrible even by most people’s standards around here when it comes to cold and hot temperatures. I remember sitting in the sun in my school shirt and school jersey in summer on a blazing day like it’s a bit chilly, isn’t it? Meanwhile my friends were in the shade absolutely dying from the heat. Likewise in winter I’d be shivering, teeth chattering, dying with my long sleeve thermal, my school shirt, my school jersey, my school jacket, my longs, warm socks and sneakers and gloves and school scarf while ppl would be walking around in a shirt and shorts like it’s a bit warm this winter huh? my body didn’t learn how to thermoregulate and it shows. But yeah NZ does also have a reputation for shittily insulated buildings and such. It shows. skhdfsfs if it’s not common use maybe don’t say can i have a hotty to someone without context but otherwise go ahead lmao. it’s a fun shortened version.

I was typically a very good saver, to the point where my extended family started gifting me gift cards and vouchers for Christmas and my birthday because if they just gave me money I’d put it in my bank account to save towards uni once I hit like, 12 years old. Which I think was a smart move. But apparently, I’m supposed to buy myself ‘something nice’ with it. I think I’m still an okay saver but I’m not as strict anymore. I’m aware of how much I can spare and I’m not just like you can never get anything for yourself ever, so I do get lil things for myself sometimes. oooo yay! At least you know what I mean. But yes. They were the gold mine for lollies. Absolutely terrific stores. My mum would be like hey lindsey how about you order? And I’d be like mother, I am 7 years old and I have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder everyone assumes is child shyness why would you think I would want to do that. Instead I will whisper my choices to you. After therapy tho I felt pretty rad for picking my own lollies by myself. I was like 13 at that point but sdfkjhsdf listen I got there in the end.

sdfkjsdfkjhsdf I like that a cursed photo reminded you of me. That’s all I need to hear. Tumblr said no anon dick pics but they also said no anon cursed photos either,,, very sad. for the latter part. the first part thank god. If I could turn on photos on anon I absolutely would just to see this but I don’t think I can :(

[serendipitybutterfly]

OK so finally got the chance to get in the zone and tune in for Jimin's birthday year ahead advice reading and.... I don't really know what I was expecting (actually I kinda thought reversed queen of wands would return... But yay! She didn't!) but this reading was more strangely intense and high vibrational than I thought it would be... Although, to be honest, intensity and Jimin just go together right? Anyway, here is our cutie, sexy, lovely boy's year ahead advice reading~

OK so the first thing I always talk about is what cards came as significators of a reading because those cards basically set the tone of the reading; giving an idea as to main issue or subject of the reading. In this case, as I was asking for advice for Park Jimin's year ahead, the significators are indicating the most important theme of his year ahead... And what was that? Well the 3 of Pentacles and 8 of Pentacles scream it out loud; WORK!

This might make you think its going to be a hard, hectic or stressful year but... Actually, based on the rest of the cards that's not going to be the case. Rather, aside from the literal hard work involved in his actual job (which he infact mostly enjoys) this 'work' is also on a deeper, personal, mental and spiritual level. It's a sort of coming of age thing... Putting the work into yourself, into sorting your life out and being who you want to be... Again, as I think I've mentioned in a few of these readings, this is your typical mid-twenties stuff (I say as someone in their age group who knows haha).

Ok so the first card that came out was the Sun which, first of all, I love that for Jimin. You don't even know... He's in the place of The Sun and he's BEEN putting in the work to keep himself there! That isn't easy! There's a stubbornness to this Sun which I feel is emphasised by the reversed Strength card. It's like... "I'm going to stay happy and positive, despite feeling vulnerable sometimes... Despite feeling weak... I'm only going to focus on the bright side of life now." And, I just feel so proud of him for that because I can feel the effort and discipline that takes for him... It definitely doesn't come easily... It actually takes soooo much strength which is why the reversal of the Strength card seems to have this interesting duality here which actually really suits Jimin so well. He should keep on this path of conscious disciplined positivity and bask in the sun shining on him right now.

The next two cards are strongly related to this first message. We have the Ace of Cups, a golden goblet overflowing with love, being offered down from the heavens together with the 7 of wands in reverse. Part of deciding to make a conscious effort to think positively and live in the sunshine of his life is allowing the immense love he has been blessed with in his life to flow; accepting the love he is offered without putting up defenses and second guessing everything, wondering if he deserves it or can accept it... Instead he should let it flow as water should, freely, back and forth. Accepting (and being able to recognise!) love that is freely given with an open heart makes it easier to give love in return with the same heart in a way that is pure, safe and healthy and doesn't hurt anyone involved. When you can accept that you do deserve to be shown great love, you are much less likely to be drawn to destructive situations or people who would hurt you...

Which brings us to the next message which is all about that. The reversed Devil and the 3 of Swords are telling me that there's a lesson in the year ahead about cutting out and off the things and people that no longer serve him in life and which only cause him pain. This is again, part of the hard work of living in the sunlight. As long as you're still chained to the things in the shadows, there will always be some temptation drawing you back... But these cards tell me that this is something he will also be putting the work into this year. Positive living, looking after yourself, mentally, physically and spiritually, means cutting out negative influences and habits and I think Jimin recognises what those are in his life already.

OK, now the next two cards jump right back into Work! This time, on a more literal level. The Chariot and the 7 of pentacles are talking about seeing things progress, move forward and come to fruition due to hard work. I feel these two cards are really speaking about his career and projects he may be working on on his own. They're saying that there's success at the finish line after the hard work of running the race, so Jimin, you nice, keep going.

The last two tarot cards are very interesting in this reading... Because there's a literal turn here... We started with the Sun and now we have the Moon bookending this reading... These two cards, The Moon and The 3 of Cups had a strange feeling of vagueness to me while the messages of other cards came through very strongly... I think that's what I'm supposed to get though... I think Jimin himself will feel very uncertain about this situation, whatever it may be... And i feel that whatever it is hasn't even fully begun to solidify as yet (which maybe means it's something that could arise later on in the year ahead?) ... I'm not sure. It just feels very vague... Well, the Moon is there so... Shrug. All I can say is that he will have a feeling of uncertainty over some situation /s involving working or interacting within a group... Which is interesting considering this reading is so focused on him as an individual, to get this at the end... But, like I said, it's so very vague... Hm... Perhaps the message is that, while Jimin's definitely being encouraged to be introspective and work on himself this year, he shouldn't forget to also maintain a strong connection with his friends and people he cares about... I can't see that happening tbh... But then again who knows...

The Doreen Virtue Angel Oracle Card I pulled for this reading was Shanti. It reads:

I am the angel of peace. I bring you new tranquility and a smoother road ahead.

This is definitely speaking to this work on maintaining a bright and positive state of mind... Literally being at peace with himself. I love it!

The Earth Magic Oracle Card I pulled was Full Moon: Completion... Which was so perfectly placed above The Moon tarot card...

I also got this card in Jungkook's reading and I think it's saying something similar here in Jimin's. It's about things coming full circle and being ready to step into a new phase of life. With Jimin's reading I'm really get a sense of freshness... Like this emphasis on cutting out negativity and living cleanly and brightly... This is the energy he wants to work on stepping into now. Again, I love it.

The numerology of this reading is the master number 99. Super high vibration of completion, of seeing the bigger picture, of allowing things to flow... Again, I feel this sense of stepping into manhood here with this reading. There's such a powerful energy of maturity and selfdiscipline here which he will be able to tap into this year in order to manifest the state he'd like to be in... Amazing stuff.

All in all, this was a really positive and powerful reading and I love this for Jimin! Cutting out the things that drag him down and consciously striving to move forward with discipline in a more positive direction in all aspects is just such a great and mature decision. Once again, happy birthday Jimin! Love will always follow you because you're just bursting with love yourself! 💜 💜 💜

[campdnpamerica]

meet the smarties tent!!

hi! i’m brook, im 15, i go by she/her, im pan, i’m queerdaniel on tumblr, and i’m the leader of the smarties tent 🤓! i’m also known as g8er boi when i sport my gay sk8er boi dress and some jean shorts bc confidence! im a hufflepuff, a band nerd, and an aspiring intellectual who’s in way too deep. i’ve been in the phandom for almost 3 years now, and i’ve been a campdnp admin multiple times and am the queen of tent wars, so you all better get ready, because i (and my tent of snorting candy) am ready to have FUN!

Hi!! My name is Layla. My pronouns are she/her or they/them. I'm bi (or smth honestly who knows at this point) and my tumblr handle is monachopism. I'm 17, from Boston, and I'm a makeup artist and musician. I play 5 instruments: Guitar, ukulele, bass, piano, and voice. I've been following Dan and Phil for about 7 years now. I fell out of touch with them for about 2 years until Dan uploaded his coming out video and I fell in love again. I love learning new things and meeting new people. I have a lot of passions; it can be kind of intimidating, but I promise I don't bite. I also have pretty bad ADHD and executive functioning issues so sometimes I won't do stuff/won't reply to things as often as I should, but that doesn't mean I'm not invested or interested!! Anyway, so so excited for this week. I can't wait to get to know everyone!

Hi! I’m Adriana, 19, knows how to read (barely), my pronouns are she/her and i’m bi. I’m from portugal. I’m serpensortiaxx on tumblr and I’m a potterhead (slytherin of course), adirectioner (yes, still) and a few more fandoms, besides phandom. Oh i also love marvel! I’m a math major in college and I love reading, in the moment i’m reading “They both die at the end”. I wear too much black (and I always do this pose taking pictures, I just realise when I was choosing the pic, oops). I have been watching dnp both for a few years now, they are two of my favourites youtubers! (Others are safiya, simsupply and cristine). It’s nice to meet y’all!

hey everyone! i’m hadley (they/she) and my url is starboydjh. beyond writing, dan and phil, playing video games and reading, im a big fan of all things nerdy, like Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, Dexter and Star Wars. it works out that im in the smarties tent i guess! I’ve been watching Dan and Phil since 2008 when I found Phil on a weird sketchy Buffy server (that got deleted a month after I made my account lol) I’m a college student studying for my MFA in graphic design at the honors level and my BFA in marketing. I was a competitive irish dancer for 15 years and I’m also a proud vegan! hit me up if you want to talk about true crime, game of thrones discourse, or if you just want a nerdy friend to talk about stuff with

Hi! I'm Inês, my pronouns are she/her, I'm 19 from Portugal. My tumblr is confused-pumpkin.

I love to read, play videogames, listen to music and my dog! In fact, I like him so much that I chose a picture of him instead of myself, but I promise I'm a real person and not a 40 year old man. I'm very hyped for this camp (maybe the sugar on the candy is contributing for this) so let's have fun!!

yooo whaddup my name’s Ming Way :D she/her. i’m 18, i’m from Malaysia and i’m chinese. i’m formlessphan on tumblr. i like drawing and i also read a lot of fan fiction from whatever fandom im currently hyperfixating on. i’m currently in that limbo between college and uni, figuring out which uni to go to and having loads of free time which is hhhhHh Stressful but yay free time. gotta make my asian parents proud yknow sksksks. i’ve been in the phandom for about 4 years since 2015, so i skipped the really really bad stuff but yknow i caught up on cold tea🐸🍵 i went to singapore ii which was the best time of my life and i cried when they sang the ii song cuz i’m a nerd. i play piano, drums and a little guitar(like barely). i’m a big mcu fan and you can catch me crying about endgame any time of the day. nice to meet ya’ll!! <3

Hey you can call me Fin they/them but I don't really care. I'm ace and my Tumblr is @beanfish05 I like to draw, write and read. I can barely play the ukulele and guitar. I was in Hong Kong when dnp were in America and in America when they were in Hong Kong. and I don't know what else to put

I’m Rachel. She/her. I’m 26 from New York. I don’t remember exactly when I started watching Dan and Phil, but I think it was around 2011/2012. I love to read and write. Oh I forgot to add my tumblr is completelyuncreative2.

Hey nerds! My name’s Helen and I’m super stoked to be part of this! This is my second campdnp thing this year and the last one was... chaotic (shoutout to the Fijis), but super fun! I’m 17, I use she/her pronouns, and I’m a proud Hufflepuff. My tumblr url is panicatthechuckecheese (yes, it’s wild, I’m aware). Catch me on there spamming your dash with whatever my current special interest/hyperfixation is. I’ve been a fan of Dan and Phil since late 2014 and I’ve been to both their tours. I’m a massive space and math geek and I’m hoping to work in artificial intelligence some day and potentially become a programmer or astronaut at NASA. Can’t wait to participate in the rest of this week’s events!

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 1B - “I'm praying to Yoncé I survive and don't get first boot.”-Jess

no words.

LITERALLY

NO WORDS.

Two points. TWO FUCKING POINTS.

I'm praying to Yoncé I survive and don't get first foot. That ain't a cute look xoxox

i'm already forgetting to search for the idols, i'm already getting paranoid about if i need to start making alliances instead of just enjoying the really cute convos i'm having with ruthie lily and kevin (max is kinda dry and annoying but... we'll try to make it work ig).... and i'm already hating every challenge we do especially this one although i actually really liked the challenge it was so creative and fun, i just hated that i have bad luck and am stupid with the deduction things, HENCE why i havent looked for the idol yet. LOL. so.... tl;dr - things are going perfectly! this hufflepuffle is workin exactly as he should!

I just wanna say we really are the hufflepuffs. 114 moves in like 5 hours, but we did it.  Really proud of Ruthie, Landen, Kevin, Max, and I! Sending positive vibes to slytherin. Hope they are okay in this madness.

Yo my tribe? Kinda dope. I think that everyone worked really well together today! I think Joanna kinda took the lead and some of her ideas were... a choice. But! It got us first place! I think that this tribe has a good shot of getting to swap unscathed.

With Slytherin going to tribal, I really hope that someone I don’t know goes, but at the same time I’d be okay with Jess going? I feel like she’s such a sleeper threat in most games I’m in with her and I really just don’t want to compete with that this time around.

I kind of snapped and got myself an idol good until final 6 teehee.

I knew that the Snape's letter or writing or whatever that freak was up to was SOMETHING. Did I get lucky... hell fucking yeah.

A crackhead like me SHOULD NOT have all this POWER.

I also gave Jacob literally the worst clue ever because we are sharing clues ladies xoxoxo

The clue was:

"Snape is taken aback. “That wouldn’t be any business of yours now would it? I wouldn’t want to find out you are spreading false information. I trust you won’t have any issue with that”. Congrats! You’ve discovered Snape Storyline 2! That’s all for the moment, and will end your search for this round."

BOTH ARE HALF TRUE. Just in case he doesn't put 2 and 2 together and now I went from place to place on purpose. He's gonna think now I gave him something of value and I know he's gonna think "No way someone go an idol on day fucking 3".

CONFESSIONAL 1.1 — Walking into the Great Hall, I saw a few familiar faces... for not good reasons!

First Jacob, who I know from tengaged. He and I were in a similar friend group for a short period before he left it, but we had a rocky relationship. We flirted a bit (blame 16-year-old Nicholas), but that is in the past.

Secondly, Jess... who I just directly sent home in Eve’s The Challenge: Fresh Meat. She did not have great words to say to me (such as I’m condescending), so I was very wary and, honestly, unhappy with her being here.

But, as Kylie Minogue says, it’s better the devil you know.

Flash forward to the Sorting Ceremony, and I’m so happy to be.. Slytherin? I told Mister Vintage (Sammy) and Mister Heinen (Caeleb) that I’m either a Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, but I suppose I’ve been lying to myself.

Then, I see my tribe: both Jess and Jacob are present. This is a curse wrapped in a blessing wrapped in an enigma. And, I love it.

I hate, hate, hate conflict and bad vibes, so I directly spoke to both. Jacob did not easily recognize me, but remembered me fondly; so, a successful reacquaintance. Jess, on the other hand, was definitely more apprehensive (as was I), but I made one thing clear: the past is the past, and I am declaring my loyalty.

I have been hurt in previous games by shoving the past aside while the other is still grudgingly aiming for revenge, but I feel Jess is different. She apologized to me about her words, which did hurt, and I apologized to her. What I said was honest, so I’m glad to see a fateful blossoming.

The first reward challenge is revealed, and honestly, I’m really bad at participating in pre-merge competitions, because I do not mind tribal. However, I do want to, since we are such a small tribe, focus on maintaining our numbers in case of a swap. We came in second this reward, and honestly, I’m glad to have eaten cupcakes (although I hate cherry). The fact we all chose a dessert and were privately messaged makes me assume someone received an advantage, but who knows...

What I DO know is that I had two separate relationships, so I wanted to lock a trio down (Me, Jess, Jacob), but I obviously did not want to gamebot this early and make the chat day one. So, naturally, i waited until after immunity.

Speaking of immunity... I took charge, because I like it, but also, I wanted to be able to take blame if we lost. I hate the whole “let’s vote someone out cuz they cost us a virtual challenge” this early in the game, it’s a cheap way to vote. I want to vote on loyalty and activity instead. That’s why I am probably going to target Jessie or Vi, but I‘m unsure as to which will be my vote. On one hand, Vi is much less social, but she also contributed a lot to the challenge. I do not want to judge a book by it’s cover, so I will reach out to her and assess her vibe.

I like going to tribal first, because my philosophy is that it’s better to test loyalties now, rather than guess loyalties later.

Regarding other players, Jules and Juls just played in a mini with me and sheeped the majority alliance to screw me over, so I’m not feeling them right now. Bitterness doesn’t exist in my mind: play well and I respect it; sheep and be stupid, and I will gladly dish out the karma. 

I’m satisfied with the happenings of this game so far, and I hope to make it further!! This is one of my first real orgs so, I’m em definitely excited. x. nick

Yay we won immunity. Raffy do be carrying our tribe though!

WELL WELL WELL!!!!!!! as far as my relationships go which is where i left off last round, really nothing much has changed about how i feel about or view my tribemates, but in exciting news... we won immunity!! i am not going to be first boot that is so nice, and im hoping that we can keep winning immunity until a swap so I can feel more secure. I think I could stand a shot if we lost on this tribe but i think if so the vote would split 3-2 i dont think i can get a unanimous vote on anyone unless its myself which is NOT WHAT WERE TRYNA DO HERE !! if anything i feel like i have the best chance to wiggle myself in with the girls (lily and ruthie) Max would probably be my ideal first vote if we ever lose an immunity because I know landen can be useful in challenges, but he YET AGAIN addressed me with a name that does not sit well with me he called me a "challengewhore" yet another reference to TS 2020, so this is not a good sign. Ideally I could get landen out and still be set but i know he has a relationship with juls who i also have a relationship with and wish to continue to have in this game, and us going against each other could make that more stressful than it needs to be because i know landen avenged beck for voting juls out maybe juls would do the same for him? Much to think about, but thankfully i dont have to think about it all that hard because yet again we ARE SAFE !!! woo, anyways thats pretty much it hopefully we can keep winning :D

Ahhhh safety feels so nice, I’m glad that I’m not in danger of being the first boot. Also I love the fact that ravenclaw won the first challenge with so little moves HAHA!

I want to go far in this thing with lily and with kevin, my goal right now is to get to merge and owen be alive so I can work with him!

I am very happy to have won this immunity challenge. We barely won, but I managed to pull my tribe to a victory. Emphasis on the "I" part. I am very frustrated with my tribe's lack of challenge activeness and ability. If the time did not work for them, then I do not know why they even suggested doing it at 2 PM. This challenge would have gone faster if I had done everything myself. In the end, though, I hope this helps in me staying in the game because I am a necessity if they want to ever win a challenge in first place. I highly doubt that they could do it without me.

So I’m currently writing this with one hand because my cat decided to lie on my other one  anyways Nobody is really talking about the vote which means it’s probably me going but I’ll see what I can do to change that

Here's a breakdown of my first few experiences since I am writing this a few hours before the first tribal council.

FIRST I was cast in this game along with a BUNCH of people that are icons across different formats of Tumblr Survivor - so that's intimidating. Mostly because my play style is kinda vanilla in comparison. I gotta find a way to stand out or I'm going to be thrown out fast.

SECOND There's a twist that will probably have some major effect at some later point in the game where everyone is added to the Great Hall. I think that it's for convenience of posting things like results and challenges so it only has to be sent to one chat... but also so that we can feel THEMATIC which is a lot of fun.

The game started in the Great Hall and we got sorted into our houses and the implication was that it's random but.. I don't think it's entirely true if I can read into what the hosts said to me once I was sorted into Gryffindor (something about running out of room in Hufflepuff) - because I definitely didn't say Gryffindor in my application.

THIRD My tribe has the following people: Joshua, Juls, Raffy, Autumn, and myself. 

I do not know how many of theme said Gryffindor when they applied but also did not want to bring it up to them as I am masquerading as a brave idiot. :D

Anyway, I started conversations with all of them and they all seem very sweet!!

I've played in a game before with Raffy where he was super snakey but also a great ally until he tried to snake me. So there's that... he's also an "over the top" type of person so he takes charge a lot of the time and voices his opinions about everything. I hope we can create some sort of working relationship in the game, but I think that he will tell me the truth if he does align against me.

Autumn is super chill and super strategic-minded. She puts lots of thought into all of her decisions and makes calls that benefit her getting to the end while trying to align with the right people. If I can't get to the FTC of this game... TBH I want to make sure she gets there. I played with her in one game and we both were tossed out one after another when the game turned on our "side". I don't think that relationship will factor into this game as it was forever ago and we both kinda play "new" every time we start a game but I'm hoping she will want to try and play with me just because I've seen how great she is at the game.

Juls is a very fun person who seems to always be having a great time! I found out she lives in Texas too and that she was excited to get to know me because we are from the same state. I was like.. do I know you? Because when she messaged me the way she did implied that she knew who I was and I was thinking OH NO what have people said.

Joshua seems really sweet. He hasn't added incredibly much to conversations so far with him but he has contributed some fun things. I love that he tries to be entertaining, but as I see it so far he's the first person I'd be willing to vote out if it came to our tribe going to council... though of course, having said that I bet they've all declared me their first choice.

FOURTH The reward challenge was the Letter plus Number challenge so as predicted...

I did terribly and earned 0 points for our tribe and was SO happy it was not for immunity.

The immunity challenge was a Choose Your Own Adventure Puzzle.

We got a slow start in that I feel like everyone was afraid to make a move because that would put a target on whoever "failed for the team". Then me and Raffy kind of got things rolling with him taking the main leader role and me taking on a secondary role either agreeing with his suggestions or contributing a suggestion for what we should do.

There was a misunderstanding with the competition and we ended up making a whole bunch of extra moves because it was unclear to us that the letters we found at a later part of the challenge were able to be changed into numbers at a lockbox so we did a bunch of extra stuff... and I was resigned to the fact we were going to the first tribal when we go surprised that Slytherin... DID WORSE!!! O_O

Anyway... I still have no alliances or confirmed "working game" relationships and I really don't feel like starting those conversations at the moment so if I am out of the ones established or on the bottom of one that will add me to "pick me up" for later votes then I blame myself for not trying hard enough in that category.

FIFTH I definitely didn't just now search for the idol and waste two days that I could have searched other times. Nope! Not me!! :)

Anyway I went on a trip to Hagrid's Hut because I love me some Hagrid and I figured he'd let me in since I"m a Gryffindor and he loves us the best (you know, like a reverse Snape)... I dug through all of his junk and found his umbrella. Apparently I liked that it was pink and then left his hut. 

To be honest, I probably should have taken his dragon's egg and turned him in... maybe could have gotten him fired.

Someone finally got me to come out of retirement- can you believe it

It's been cute so far and I have no complaints, probably cause the hosts wisely put me, Owen, and Dan in separate corners lmao. Yooo if we all make it to merge?? Hell hath no fury. But we will cross that bridge when we get there! And for now I enjoy the calm before the storm. I deadass forgot how to be an org so I need all the time I can get to socialize and reacclimate. Me checking Skype more than once a year? Don't remember ever doing that. I love Raffy, it's always good to see Chips, I think I like Juls, and I'm not sure how I feel about Joshua but it's fine. I like Gryffindor cause we have no beef and I hope it stays that way.

ok so my tribe lost :( big sad. but im def ok bc jess is soooo close to me and we made a threesome with nick so. i think jessie is an easy first boot bc shes not around as much as vi. but really its our decision at the end of the day!

here’s the hot goss.. i’m a little upset i didn’t get anyone i Know on my house/tribe but also grateful HSBSNSNN all i know is that so far i’ve been doing pretty solid in securing relationships with those on my team (at least.. i hope so :flushed:) and i’m hoping they all like me hehe. kinda praying to just mist my way to merge where i can be united with people who like me enough to keep me around still.. >:D 

[cake-by-thepound]

( so I accidentally pressed ask if you got one that wasn't finished🙃) but anyways I don't really have any TWD friends to tell this too but this year will be my first year going to WSC Atlanta and I'm really excited and nervous. And I know I have a lot of time to prepare but I just wanted to ask if you had any advice for a first timer.

Aww, yay, I’m excited for you! You’re gonna have so much fun! But sure, I can tell you anything you want to know. If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of ticket do you have (Platinum/Gold, Regular VIP, GA)?

The first/foremost thing I always tell anyone is be prepared for a LOT of waiting. Patience is a virtue I don’t have, but it’s necessary when you go to things like this. 

If you want to get photo ops, I’d suggest buying them ahead of time, just to make your life easier. They go on sale in a couple of days, so you have a few months to buy them instead of spending hundreds of dollars the weekend of. 

That said, bring cash with you. If you want any autographs or selfies at the tables, you’re going to need it, and the ATM fees are insane. 

By the way, photo ops are super fast, so don’t buy them thinking you’ll get to have a conversation with the actors. It’s literally just a picture and it’s over in like 12 seconds. 😳

Autographs are a longer interaction, but it also means the wait for them is much longer. For instance, if you don’t have Platinum or Gold and want to meet Norman at his table (and probably even JDM or Steven (if he goes)), be prepared to spend most of your day in line. I cannot stress enough how long you’ll be waiting for things, lol. So if that’s one of your goals, maybe schedule all your photo ops for one day and then designate the other for autographs. 

The panels are all free (except for Andy’s – again, if he goes), and probably my favorite part of the con. And best of all, they require the least amount of time waiting! 😄

They don’t release the schedules for anything until the weekend of the con, and it’s constantly subject to change, so be flexible. If you do get photo ops, make sure you check to see if any of them interfere with one another. Or any panels you want to go to. Making your convention schedule is like putting a puzzle together sometimes. 

Wear comfortable shoes. You’ll be standing a lot. 

That’s all I can think of right now, but if you have any specific questions about anything at all, just let me know! 

[serenagaywaterford]

1) Feel free to keep rambling! Not only I love talking with level-headed fandom people, but our opinions seem to converge (even if my wording comes off as weird/wrong because of Tumblr's word limit). Anyway. I had many issues with S2, besides Serena's arc I mean (I'll get back to her). Blessed be the goddamned plotholes! Fred becomes a cockroach that just won't die (Red Center), because he's essential to the plot. Same goes for Aunt Lydia. (Although I'm kinda glad that she's alive, because

2) I LOVE Dowd’s acting and I’m excited about her background story.) Emily comes back from the Colonies and is smfh 100% healthy. Moreover, Gilead has been surprisingly lenient with Fred and Serena’s constant fuckups in S2 (mutilated fingers aside). June won’t leave with Emily, bc MOTHERHOOD (more like there’s a s3 on the horizon and drama is needed). And don’t get me started on that slow pace. The beginning and the finale were explosive of course,but some mid-season episodes?

3) They were dragging on and on. Examples? 2x11, where only 2 things happen: a) June gives birth to Nicole, b) Fred and Serena make it clear that they want to tear each other apart (duh). The only redeeming qualities of that episode was the wolf symbolism and the excellent cinematography. I get it, the series is successful and has more seasons ahead. But if only they had squeezed some episodes, it would have been so much better.

—-

OMG YAY!!! I’m gonna answer these in pieces since I’ll prolly flood a giant essay otherwise. Cos, lbr, if I didn’t know better, I’d swear I had multiple personalities and was secretly sending these to myself from a fugue state, that’s how much we agree! Cos I’ve just read through all your messages and sat here going “YES! YES!” lol. I think you, me, maybe 5 other people on tumblr, and 1 TV reviewer are of the same mindset and it’s such a relief to find others who are reasonable and critical about the show/Serena.

Yes, Fred not dying was just so fucking stupid I couldn’t deal. Like, it’s not even like, “Well, he didn’t die which is crazy but he’s horribly injured and disfigured cos I dunno, he was like 15 feet FROM A MASSIVE BOMB EXPLODING.” But noooo. Instead we get Fred in hospital with a scratchy throat for like a few weeks, and when he comes back he’s got a little bit of a limp. No burns, nothing. And, to top it off, he’s got all the strength and balance of a perfectly healthy man to whip the shit out of his wife. I get they needed to get him out of the way and out of service so Serena and June could have all sorts of treasonous hi-jinks together but surely… they could have considered having Fred not 15 feet from the bomb. It killed handmaids that were way farther away than that. Just a thought. Deffo an eye-roll moment.

Aunt Lydia I’m less irritated about simply cos, like you, I love Ann Dowd and think she’s done a fab job. And we honestly haven’t got enough of her backstory and I wanna know that too. I think this show can only really captivate if it tells ALL the women’s stories, not just the victims. Like how does a woman become an Aunt? How do they justify that? Or is it simply a type of socio-religio-politcal brainwashing, akin to a lot of Nazi Party supporters? Is she a True Believer? Like, honestly, wtf is up with her? Like, cos so many of us can empathise with the Handmaids and we understand how that came about–but it takes more sides to tell a full story. So, Aunt Lydia being back… I’m not too fussed about. I really do consider Emily so damaged that I would never trust her with a baby–but that’s me. She’s been so broken, so traumatized, and like I don’t blame her at all ofc, but she needs softness and patience and no stress ever again. Like, she is not well emotionally by any stretch.

Which leads into the Colonies bullshit. That was just really bad writing. She, Janine, etc, were there for MONTHS. Like, June ran away and was gone for 92 days (Thanks for that count, Serena!). And then add on whatever time passed between her being returned to the Waterfords house and when Lilly set off the bomb. That is a long ass time to be splashing about in radioactive waste. Emily’s teeth were falling out, right? Like, how she went from literally dying of radiation poisoning to “Totally healthy enough to pop out some totally healthy babies!” I’ll never understand. The loss of the Handmaids in the bombing isn’t a good enough reasoning. A dictatorship like Gilead could easily have just conscripted a bunch of Econowives with the sweep of a pen. That is how these militant theocracies work. They’re already half-indoctrinated anyway. It was dumb to put Emily and Janine there in the first place if you knew they had to come back, as they are main cast members.

I always thought Fred and Serena were getting away with too much but I wrote it off as Fred (and Serena lbr) being a HUGE part of bringing about Gilead in the first place so they get some leeway. But then, you see Warren and Cushing being dealt with fairly severely for basically hearsay. (Okay, Warren’s I get cos you had outcry from Janine in a massively public display and backup from Naomi.) I guess because Fred/Serena’s fuckups were a little more ~private, they could excuse/lie about them/cover them up them easier? Cushing was dealt with way to easily. Like… no. “Fred” signs some paper and suddenly Cushing is being disappeared immediately. I suppose Fred took over Pryce’s place in the hierarchy? Who knows. And from what I understand, nobody in SOJ knew about June’s escape to the big country house. But c’mon, one Handmaid kills herself, the new one another starting shit every where she goes with other Handmaids and is pals with two of the most notorious other Handmaids (Emily and Janine), then is “kidnapped”, is partners with the bomber, then runs away again, then again… Sigh.

June not leaving… I just… it was so obvious that she wouldn’t cos otherwise there is no show. But why bother with all that drama then. Like, what if Emily hadn’t been there??? June had no way of knowing she’d be meeting up with Emily. She would have just dumped Nicole in some van and run back? Ugh.

And the pace was bad. ITA. There are whole episodes I don’t even bother with on rewatches. I thought the season premiere was great, then it fell of a cliff and lost my interest until about the 5th episode? Then it got going nicely (altho 2x07 wasn’t great either), then took another nosedive in 2x10 and sort of coasted almost aimlessly until the finale. I don’t like to hate on June but honestly the really 100% June-centric episodes bore the shit out of me. 2x02/03 and 2x11 being the biggest culprits. I’m just tired of the excessive use of flashbacks that all basically say the same thing now. And Moss is a great actress but there’s such thing as too much of a good thing. Not to mention, Nick and June bore me to tears as well (SACRILEGE! Send the indignant rabid fangirls on a rampage into my inbox!) so when there’s a lot of focus on that clusterfuck of inanity, I tune out. I can’t help it. I find them so annoying lol. (Which is were I usually lose common ground with basically everyone in this fandom cos everyone loves Nick for some reason I just cannot understand. If you like him, I apologise! I just can’t. I liked him more at the beginning but as it’s gone on the less I give even the slightest shit about him.)

Also, like I found 2x02 and 2x03 to just be… a waste of time? Like, okay, we got to see the Econopeople and how they live or whatever but to me, there was zero point to the whole thing because we all know June isn’t going to get away with it. So, why waste 2 whole episodes building to something everyone knows ain’t happening just for the sake of some worldbuilding that I’m guessing could have been done some other more cogent way? 2x04 was basically just to show more breaking June down in various ways. Then 2x05 was just to show the Colonies and had a lot of filler in it about that. I still don’t understand the point of the “wedding” bits. It wasn’t uplifting or hopeful at all. It was still really dark, like killing the Wife. I only really liked watching Serena go apeshit because her babyslave isn’t making proper gossipy conversation. It’s just an interesting angle cos finally Serena gets what she asks for with a super obedient Offred, and low and behold, it actually sucks and she wants June back. Story of Serena’s life and she never fucking learns lol. And Aunt Lydia flexing on Serena was hilarious. I just enjoy watching them go head to head. Not to mention the grotesque child brides thing. Gross. Super gross. Like, a bunch of stuff happened but I’m not convinced it needed to be dragged out over 4 episodes like that. Not to mention it was all really depressing. I remember watching and going, “JESUS, this show is fucking depressing. Why am I torturing myself?”

But yeah, 2x11 was super slow and all the important things that happened (that you listed) could have taken 10 minutes. Like I get too that she had to see Hannah in order to… make her decision in the finale make sense??? Was that the reason? I still don’t know. All of this could have been dealt with way more quickly and with just as much emotional gravity had it been done well.

I really like Moira but she’s been given shit all to do. I liked how we got a little insight into her and Odette. A LITTLE. But a huge weakness is that the Toronto peeps are so divorced from the drama that it often seems, not pointless, but something like it. It definitely slows the pace down to a crawl. That’s why I thought 2x09 worked well because it married both worlds. (I will never understand why 1x07 exists the way it does. What a stupid episode. I do not care about Luke’s journey, tbh. I’m here for the women–good, evil, or inbetween; not an entire episode devoted to him–especially not when we could have had Moira’s instead. I accept that his is intertwined with June’s attempted escape but… meh. It’s just like I will never care about Nice Guy TM Nick’s backstory or character. I don’t care about Fred’s childhood, or Warren’s marriage, or Luke’s manbabying, or Nick’s manpain. Eek.)

I dunno. Personally I think it could have been tightened up a bit better. But again, what do I know? I’m just a viewer. I’m sure other viewers have completely the opposite opinion.