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littledoggy-girlcollar · 2 years ago

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a counterargument: colin bullied nate pretty relentlessly, including physically. nate was openly scared of colin in the for the children ep. not that that makes what said okay, but he also apologized to colin afterwards.

you know i did think about this when writing the post so here's my thoughts on that:

you're right, colin did bully nate in season one, but unless i totally misread shit (which, possible, i did watch a lot of it fairly late at night and watched the other part of it while writing an essay), the bullying was explicitly ring-led by jamie, and was stopped pretty much entirely by roy yelling at them in the club. as far as i remember, there was nothing specific that colin did that jamie and isaac didn't, and while i also don't remember a full apology to nate, it also seemed like they all got along fairly well afterward, especially after nate's promotion to assistant coach.

and then the Headspace episode happened. i had thoughts abt what i was going to say and then i went "hey lemme pull up the episode to make sure i have that right" and i forgot those thoughts and now i have new ones and they're way more thesis-y than i thought they'd be so here we go!

nate is a bit of a dick to colin during practice, following some ribbing of nate's new nickname of the "wonder kid," coming from him mispronouncing "wunderkind/wonderkind" (as far as i can tell these are the same word? just different spelling?). dani, jamie, and colin all make essentially the same joke, but colin is the only one that nate gets mad at. could this possibly just be because of the lingering resentment from the bullying last season? sure. but colin actually goes to nate's office to figure out what he did wrong and if there's something else he should be doing, and nate literally tells him he did it because dani and jamie have more talent and recognition than he does (incredibly paraphrased). my rant about how colin could end up being THE most inspiring member of the team if the show/the character decides to go that way will be saved for another post, but in essence, nate explicitly tells both colin and us as the viewer that he picked on colin because he doesn't think he has that much power to retaliate, and nate's position as assistant coach gives him a level of authority over colin as well.

crazy. almost like a role reversal over here or something.

anyways, beard calls nate on his shit, nate apologizes to colin in front of the team, the apology is accepted. in all, it was kind of a one-off thing that was resolved fairly easily, and i am realizing that my view of that specific instance may have been clouded by the rest of the episode, but there is one more point i want to hit on before we get to that part, which is that: colin is a gay man in a sport with (from what i've heard) no visibly out queer men, and nate had no way of knowing this, but that probably made his comment cut deeper than he even intended. i know in season three colin says he doesn't want to be some big statement or representation or whatever, and i think that's totally fair and if the show wants to stick with that i think that's chill, but i do still think telling a closeted gay man that "you aren't special, you don't inspire anyone, shut up and do the work" would have a biiiiit of a mental impact beyond just the visible hurt we see from colin as he leaves. again, this bit isn't necessarily on nate since he didn't know and may not have factored it in even if he did, but to me it's just kind of another drop in the bucket of "wow this man is just saying anything now cause he's got an outsourced sense of superiority."

and that's actually where my main problem comes from. because after the apology the team gifts nate a jersey with "wonder kid" on it. and they are happy about it, and they think it's cool, and they give the credit to will (the kitman, you know, nate's old job) for coming up with it, and will says "it's a pretty awesome nickname." and then nate sees one fucking negative meme on twitter, in a flood of literally hundreds of positive ones, plus headlines and fucking podcasts praising him to high heaven, and nate goes "clearly will was trying to embarrass me, guess i better go physically threaten him so he never does that again."

because he's an insecure prick that doesn't actually believe in himself or have self-confidence. he's done a bit of growing, sure, and he can stand up for himself and voice his opinions a bit better now, but despite his stupid fucking posturing and spitting in the mirror (cause its tough? a metaphor for him hating himself? whatever it's fucking stupid) he gets all of his confidence from other people. he hasn't internalized it yet. he feels good when ted praises his ideas, he gets overly insecure when roy does literally anything, including give the proper credit to nate, feels lighter than air and higher than heaven (i don't usually invoke holy shit this much the show must be rubbing off on me in terms of metaphors) when everyone is praising his name, and it can all be ruined by one comment from his father and the same picture of his face on the internet only this time it's saying shit instead of giving him glory. so he's hearing all of this praise from pretty much all corners, and he feels good about it, but he can't hold onto it. he can't internalize it. so when he sees a sliver of criticism, it all goes out the window, and he doesn't want that! that makes him feel bad! so he has to get rid of that, too, and the easiest way to get rid of it is to turn it around on someone else. someone with less power who won't fuck you up and who doesn't visibly have enough support to come back at you (because while i love colin, we really don't see him shine on his own that much. and neither does nate). and sure whatever nate's dad is a jerk to him and childhood issues shut the fuck up that's a grown man with an actively growing support system. which he throws under the bus like five seconds later by the way.

anyways. my point here is really that the episode is kind of a perfect summary of nate's character at this point in the narrative. he's abusing his power out of some weird sense of superiority one good win got him, he's got enough humanity to realize (re: be forced to realize by a large man with a beard and ability to disappear from offices) when he's fucked up no actually hold on. he literally only apologizes cause coach beard confronts him on it and is expecting it. he wouldn't have done this otherwise and we know it because look at how he's treated will literally since he got there. ok sorry for the detour that hit me literally as i was writing and i don't have the energy to go back up and revise to fit that in. so: abusing power, will apologize when made to by those he still views as having more power than him, externalizes all of his self-concept, positive and negative, and continues to take out all negativity on anyone he views as having less power. WHICH AGAIN FUCKING SUCKS SINCE THAT LITERALLY USED TO BE HIM IT'S LITERALLY "WELL I WENT THROUGH X SO YOU SHOULDN'T GET Y" BEHAVIOR FUCK OFF. GOD. okay i need to end this before i get real fucked up about it ok closing statement.

yes, colin bullied nate in season one. yes, nate ostensibly apologized to colin and colin accepted. no, the reason this grinds my gears isn't necessarily the colin thing specifically, but the situation is kind of a microcosm of everything that's going on in the world of nate, and is therefore condensed, and therefore saturated, so it sucks more ass. yes, i understand that pretty much everything i've laid out is why nate is such a well written character, but that doesn't make him a less shitty person. i'm sure i had more things to say and forgot them so if you wanna ask questions shoot.

#ted lasso #colin ted lasso #nate ted lasso #colin hughes #nathan shelley #anons #sorry this got. long. again did not expect to be posting about ted lasso literally ever but the end of the semester is making me crazy.#shoutout to the footballs. or smth.#character analysis. kinda.

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bettsfic · 1 year ago

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Director’s commentary on Float and Rest in Grace if possible. Thank you!

if you were to ask me to put together a portfolio of my best short-form work, like a top 5, float would go in it. float might even be in second place. i loved writing it. i loved thinking about it. i was devastated to end it and (for like the only time ever) i wanted it to be longer. when i finished brba i had so many thoughts and feelings that i couldn't begin to organize them in a meta. i put the jesse related feelings in float and that felt good, but i still have a walter story to tell eventually. it'll be nonfiction though, i think. a personal essay about living under a narcissist.

anyway float is so deeply etched in my brain that while i was re-watching brba last year i couldn't remember what was canon and what i'd made up. i also think it was my first successful attempt at my current revision process.

i couldn't find my notes but here were some of my navigation headers:

rest in grace is another fic i kind of shot into the abyss but it found its audience and gets a steady readership. there's always an uptick in comments when someone shares it in a discord or something. i think i owe my entire following to people sharing my fics in discord servers.

here's a fun story:

i watched the final film before it was released in the US and so it was a sketchy cam rip, and in the background i could hear the guys who were recording it. they were american, probably in their 20s, and through the first part of it they seemed to be making fun of it and not paying a lot of attention.

and then they got quiet for a long time.

and then this part happened:

and they went NUTS. "dude, dude, oh my god, is that him? is that really him?" "bro that's him!"

this movie totally gutted me but watching it with the recorded commentary of two random dudebros was amazing and also softened the agony a little.

i respect how the writers chose to end it (to my understanding, the book ended more explicitly), and i understand why they did it the way they did, but the beautiful thing about fanfic is that i can enjoy an ending and still fix it. i'm never fond of what i call merciless angst, where someone refuses to be with someone else for no apparent reason (a popular trope in a lot of the jdramas i watch), and i was also bummed that there had to be, like, a plot. i wanted cottagecore amnesia daddy issues and that's it. and so i wrote that.

overall i think rest in grace is the closest i've ever gotten to my own ideal aesthetic and concept of romance, and so i re-read it a lot when i'm anxious to help calm myself down.

i think someone sent me an ask once about whether or not i'd ever write violet/dietfried, and the answer is yes absolutely. but it would be after a rewatch probably. i still need to get my roommate to watch it with me.

thank you for asking about these fics! they're two i'm really happy to have written.

#float #rest in grace

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whatsthisascianbullshit · 8 months ago

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🦐🦐🦐

tell me about a character or story that is giving you shrimp emotions right now (x3)

HI THIS GOT LONG IMMEDIATELY ÚPS thank you @yloiseconeillants for giving the shrimp emotions a direction XD

1. Hien. Specifically Hien and Muireann. Specifically, Hien and Muireann fumbling every attempt at flirting or confessions for half an expansion only to manage it right at the end and then Not Talk About The Future (because Queen is a scary word). She writes a letter using the L word for the first time when she realises the Echo won't protect her from getting soul-snatched. And then she gets soul-snatched. And Hien is told that Muireann wanted to tell him the contents of the letter. SO he doesn't read it and fights everyone to have Muireann's body moved to Doma so he can be with her when she wakes up (there is no other option) (normal behaviour from both of them for someone you're totally not all that serious about) (losers). Anyway Hien fawning over his scary witch wife and Muireann blushing and giggling at Hien's flattery live in my head rent-free forever thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I am also scrungled over their different arcs with rediscovering/reclaiming culture and heritage because Hien has only ever known Doma under Garlean rule and Muireann doesn't feel connected to Gelmorra or Werlyt and is trying So Hard to find that connection.

I could write an essay. I am attempting for the WoLxNPC wolqotd that was going around but honestly this is the most coherent I've been about them in A While.

2. The complete and unquestionable faith Muireann has in wolparty makes me Insane. Like little miss self-proclaimed Expert Tactician Strategist with plans A through Q for every plan and every plan's redundancy. Just 100% total faith in 3 people without even thinking about it. No questions asked ever. She can run into the middle of the Naadam because she knows Match and his shield will be in front of her before anyone is close enough to try hit her. She can be greedy and cut it close with avoiding attacks because she knows if she does fuck up that Shin has got her covered. She knows she can burn through her bigger hits because anything that turns to her won't make it past Raer. Like it's definitely not entirely fair for her to be putting that on them but it's just such a delicious error? in her judgement? Like Match getting hurt simply cannot happen, Shin not being able to heal something simply cannot happen, Raer not being strong enough simply cannot happen. And when something inevitably does happen it short circuits her brain because to her these are fundamental laws of the universe. It'd be like if gravity stopped working. Anyway her realising that her and her friends are actually not the invincible heroes you find in stories and myths is one of the most delicious parts of Shadowbringers and it makes the whole Final Days things and the final EW area thing just. So great. Putting Muireann in the slap chop.

3. Fucking Ufufu man. SHe's trying So Damn Hard. And she's doomed! She has to be doomed that's how it works you can't get Muireann if Ufufu's still about (probably). She spends her life working towards being a good scholar, and she is! But when her colleagues start getting tonberrified she is forced to pivot. So she doesn't get to leave Nym much. Her friend does (beloved Louhi) and she's happy for her! But like also pretty dang jealous. And she just...always chooses to be kind where she can. She can hold space for the bitterness at the hand she's been dealt, the pain and despair at the impossible task of curing an incurable disease, the guilt of seemingly being immune somehow, the pain of not being able to save more people - to do More. She has to seal her friends inside of a stasis in the hopes that maybe in the future they can be cured. Knowing that depending on how far in the future that is there may not be much (if any) of Nym left. One of the last things she does is try to make grieving easier on her friend in case Louhi survives the flood and makes her way back to Nym. Because for all the crap she went through, she is at peace with her decisions at the end.

And then in the timeskip AU Hydaelyn plucks her from the lifestream and plonks her down in the place of the ambiguous WoL in a failed timeline where WoL perished in the post-Banquet tunnel collapse. And she has to go through it all again.

boop asks

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evakuality · 2 years ago

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Matteo - episode ten

This episode! Honestly it gives me warm fuzzy feelings throughout and I think that’s why even though I have a couple of issues with some of the previous episodes that I just genuinely do love this season so much. This episode does such a lovely job of bringing everything together and wrapping everything up - though I am left as always wanting more. So it’s a good thing that we got the Abi special so soon after :D

Clip one - first I have to say how frustrating the way this is shot is. There are so many lovely parts that would have made great screenshots if they hadn’t been so blurry. The one I did is still blurry but I insisted on at least one per clip soooooo there had to be one.

Anyway. This clip!!! I just have a lot of feelings about this clip. After all the angst and the stress and the misunderstandings and the tension it’s just so incredibly wonderful to see them finally able to connect with no secrets or anything between them. And the fact that Druck chose to move this moment to this episode is testament, I think, to how well they understood these characters. Not only would it not have been in character for David to do this earlier, it also wouldn’t have been right for Matteo. He’s been shown to be disengaged and isolated even from his own life for the whole season (more tbh when we look at him in previous seasons too) and he was just never really ready before now. And btw, I think that’s why Sara’s ‘you wouldn’t have sex with me so you’re obviously gay’ thing bothers me so much. People can be not ready for sex and not wanting to be pressured into it doesn’t make you gay! But anyway, I like this moment and I like that they are so hesitant and gentle with each other. It takes so long to build up to it from the fairly frantic parts before they get to the bedroom to the recognition, I think, that this is a big deal and that they can and should go slow once they get inside. It just all feels so perfectly right for these characters. And then the admission that they’re nervous (and excited apparently) and yet they’re still in the moment together and willing to work through it together. In a lot of media at this point they would stop (which is a valid choice, don’t get me wrong) and I love that this scene acknowledges that you can be worried and nervous and it’s okay. If you stay in the moment together then being nervous is okay and it can be part of the experience for you and you can figure out what you want together. It’s just a really lovely moment and I love that they got to experience this in this way at this point. The fact that there’s nothing hidden between them really makes it something special imo. Not to say that other versions where it all happens at a different time and in a different way are wrong at all, but I just go back to how this is the right time and the right way for both of these characters and I love that.

Clip two - I could probably have written an entire essay on just this clip, I love it so much. I love that it’s so long and this conversation is allowed so much time to breathe. And that then we get such a lovely moment with Laura as well. But let’s look at specifics, shall we? It means so much that Matteo says that ‘everything’ is good after they’ve had a light, silly, teasing moment. We see this side of him a lot particularly as s4 progresses but it’s not a side we’ve been allowed to see much in his own season. But this is who he is or wants to be. When he’s truly happy he’s being a brat to those he loves, and it’s so wonderful that after all the stress and the worry and the anxiety and the fear and anger etc that he’s been dealing with over the last few weeks, that he can now be his authentic self and be hugged and kissed and loved by someone as he is. In some ways I think wanting to be accepted for their own authentic self is at the core of both of these boys and so it’s beautiful to see them both getting exactly that in this conversation. Which of course brings us to the way they discuss David’s transition and his experiences and wishes. I honestly don’t have the words to explain how much I feel for this section of this clip. I love that David is comfortable, that he gets to talk about this with someone who does love him as he is. I love that Matteo has clearly been researching but no big deal is made of it. I love that we’re allowed to still see the traces of David’s fears and anxieties around this. I love that he's allowed to be shown feeling something like yearning as he examines Matteo’s body. I love that he relaxes when he’s told he’s good the way he is. I love that his experience feels real and authentic. So most of all I love that he’s played by someone who knows and understands how this would feel for a character like this and is able to be so authentic in his acting. I am, as always, astonished by how well they managed to cast so many of these roles. There are things I think could have been done better with the trans storyline, but all in all I’m glad that we got to have the scenes we did between these two when they get to discuss it together. I just love this whole scene and the acting and the meaning. And then as if we haven’t already been made all squishy and cosy already, then we get Laura added. Wonderful Laura who treats Matteo like he’s meant to be there, who has already made breakfast for him and who is loving but firm with her brother. To be honest, what this part taught me is that we were robbed of more Laura stuff because she’s such a beautiful character and it would have wonderful to see more of her both with David and with the other characters. And then, as if that wasn’t enough, we get boyfriends sharing clothes casually like it’s no big deal and they’ve been doing it forever. And the casual leaning on each other. Just... this whole clip would honestly have made the entire episode by itself but it’s surrounded by other wonderful clips as well.

Clip three - The boys!! I love this group of kids together. They just work as a unit and I love that. I mean, I also love how easily the boy and girl squads blend together in this show but there is something beautiful about each of them as separate entities. And this scene shows the boys in all their best chaotic glory. First, I really do love how Matteo is allowed to stall be withdrawn and low energy in this scene. He’s active and engaged in the conversation, takes pains to talk with the others etc so he’s not disengaged like he has been before. But he’s also not the Matteo we often see, the one who’s energetic and being a little shit. Even when David arrives he stays low, slumping all over his boyfriend etc. I love that it shows your personality doesn’t have to change, you don’t have to stop being introverted etc just because your life is ‘happy’ - he’s still himself, but here he’s a happier version of himself. And then David. It’s lovely how the boys just welcome him in. This is either their first meeting with him as Matteo’s official boyfriend or another very early one (and tbh his body tension etc suggests it is probably the first). And yet the boys treat him as one of the group, bringing him into the conversation and being their usual stupid selves. There’s a beautiful peace to the scene even as they range over a number of subjects and characters even feel sad or anxious at times. It’s still got this really lovely welcoming vibe. I’d like to say, almost as an aside, that Jonas’s song really is a bit melancholy and yet that’s kind of a good thing? or at least appropriate. I talked in the episode 9 part about how bittersweet finishing school can be and this song really fits that feeling. So it’s ironic that Carlos is the one who most pushes back against it when he was the one who most felt the bittersweet way about the end of exams etc. But maybe that’s why - he wants the anthem because he’s feeling the most vulnerable. Also, I know everyone likes to laugh at Matteo and David being all ‘just communicate!!’ but a) they did! That’s how they got together! and b) right now, they are some of the few people this group knows who have a relationship so perhaps maybe they have the rights of it!

Clip four - I love a supportive boyfriend <33333 The way Matteo tries to calm David by being an idiot on their way to the office and then the way he insists he wants to be there when David says he didn’t have to. It’s all just so lovely. For a relatively short moment this whole bit tell us so much about Matteo and how he shows his affection. I know we’ve seen it before but I do love seeing it in action in such an obvious and determined way. And the fact that he is supported in turn by the whole group is so precious. By this point in the week it was starting to become very very bittersweet (there’s that feeling again) as a member of the audience as the season is coming to an end. So it’s really nice to see everyone there at this time. And of course, the story itself is coming to a close as well. We wrap up David’s story (well basically) as we find out that he’s allowed to be graded correctly. And Amira’s solidarity is precious to me - as another who would face discrimination I love that it’s she who refuses to move for the teacher. I really do love her. She’s got some similarities with Sana and yet she has a steel and a way of engaging with the world that is entirely her own. I love that she got her own season but I’m sad at how parts of it were stolen from her. I also love that Matteo is perfectly happy to kiss David in public. I’ve always thought he’s been a more open Isak and more willing to accept and acknowledge his sexuality. I don’t think that’s necessarily been the biggest issue in his path and I don’t know, this feels like it proves it in a way. That’s a whole room full of people, including adults, who don’t necessarily know about this relationship and he just goes for it, no hesitation.

Clip five and six - yeah so I see these as both parts of the same clip and so I’m discussing them together. This is such a joyous part of the season. It’s so nice to see them celebrating together and being so happy. I will admit that in real time it was very overwhelming with all the social media etc but that was also really nice because it felt like such a loss to move away from these characters. Thank goodness for the Abi special and Amira’s season and all the social media stuff in between. That was such a fabulous time in the fandom. But I digress. As sad as it always makes me, this is such a lovely ending to the season. That Matteo is able to be so free and open and happy among his friends and that he’s even able to say at the end that he doesn’t know what he wants to do but it’s ok because he’s happy right where he is. I’m still bothered that we never got any closure on this, we never got to see him move past this. Which is realistic I’m sure and yet I still want to know. Other things I’ve thought/wondered about these clips: why is Hans there? Jonas/Anselm’s song is lovely and I always wanted to get a copy but never did. I’d forgotten the weed stuff so having it come back like this was hilarious. Red is my favourite colour so this whole part really vibes with me. I really love the addition of ‘with you’ to the ‘life is now’ because Matteo was so alienated and isolated for so long that it’s nice to see him thinking that ‘with you’ is an integral part of his current contentment.

And that’s that. I’m all emotional all over again now that I’ve done this so it’s probably good that I’m starting an anniversary rewatch again so soon! And sometime soon I also want to revisit Amira’s season. I’ve only watched it properly once so I’m pretty excited to see it again. I really really miss my og Druck kids.

#druck #og druck #wordy as usual folks #sorry about my ott love for this season!

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landwriter · 2 years ago

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Sooo I wrote this while half-asleep like a week ago and wanted to read it over in the morning before sending (to see if it, you know, made any sense), and then I forgot about it until coming across it on my notes today, so here it is now:

Remembered another thing: having two different verbs for "to be" ("ser" and "estar"). This isn’t exclusive to Portuguese (I know it exists in Spanish, at least), but it's something that English doesn't have and that can give trouble to English speakers learning Portuguese (partly because we suck at coming up with simple general rules for when to use which that cover every last usage of "to be" and why in many cases only one is acceptable. I’ve explained it as “ser” is for things that are permanent, that are part of the subject’s essence – only for someone to promptly point out that you must use “ser” for professions, and people change profession all the time and someone’s work is hardly part of their essence. So Idk, if anyone’s read a really good explanation please send me a link so I have something to refer people to).

The lack of this distinction doesn’t seem, to me, to make English more ambiguous. At least I’m hard pressed to come up with an example where despite the context I couldn't tell if an "is" meant "é" or "está".

Out of context though.

"It's cold here where I live." Well is it cold now in particular, or is it a generally cold place?

"I'm happy." Is this a general statement about the overall condition of your life, or are you experiencing the feeling of happiness at this moment?

But while in context it's not ambiguous, I feel like it's a distinction that English speakers don't really make inside their minds. Like, they’re using the same word, not two different verbs which just happen to sound the same and have the same spelling. I certainly don't think about it when speaking English. But when speaking Portuguese, it's inscribed into the language.

Anyway, I just thought it’s a neat difference you might like to know about. I don't really have a way to work this into a fic. Maybe a situation where Hob wants to underline that something "não é", it merely "está"? Or the opposite? Eu estou triste, mas eu sou feliz? Mais do que estar feliz com você, eu sou feliz com você?

Or some wordplay? Ele está sonhando, em um certo sentido, mas, mais do que isso, ele é o próprio sonhar. He is (está) dreaming, in a sense, but more than that, he is (é) the dreaming itself. (fun fact, we use the infinitive, not the gerund, when we want to use a verb as a noun).

There's potential in the breaking of the rules, I suppose. Like, species is a "ser" case. Always. I am (sou) human. Buuut Dream being Dream, he isn't (não é) human. But maybe he can be (estar) human, in the time he spends with Hob. (Now I've entered playing with language territory. I wouldn't risk something like this in, say, a college admission essay or a Portuguese test).

Unrelated to any of the above, Flower King!!! Thank you for writing it. It is utterly breathtaking and so inspiring I spent an entire afternoon working on a new fairy tale WIP instead of working on the WIP I meant to work on. Like, I wrote two paragraphs of it and then opened a new document and spent hours just doing a new thing instead.

!!!! This is incredible, and I love love love your examples. There are SO many beautiful possibilities in breaking the rules and wordplay in a given language - that's one of my favourite sort of uses of language, is using grammar or any other form of linguistic, like, expectations and structure to say something. What a great case of something that (to me) is so elegant in the source language and can only be translated with tonal emphasis or extra words in English. I innately understand your example of Dream's relation to being human - I remember debating over capitalization for the same ends: his waking body vs his Waking body. Is love (He is in love, I am in love with you, It is love, etc.) a case that can use both? Can you use ser vs estar to distinguish between, say, an act of seduction versus a permanent state of being seduced by someone? Can you write shit like 'I was seduced; I was seduced.' or analogs? Because that's SO fucking sexy.

I feel like it's a distinction that English speakers don't really make inside their minds. Like, they’re using the same word, not two different verbs which just happen to sound the same and have the same spelling.

For me, at least - one representative of 400 million native speakers, and ppl's minds most certainly work differently around language, caveat, caveat, etc - I do sometimes feel a distinction between a specific & general state of being. Especially re: feelings. It comes out in tone, but I also think we use a lot of things that might not seem like obvious context in low context situations. These are probably super regional too (See how Canadians say yes by saying "No, yeah" and no by saying "Yeah, no", but also say yes by saying "Yeah, no, [yeah]" or any other positive marker. "Yeah, no, for sure." and "No, yeah, totally" are both agreements. Very intuitive!!) But take "I'm happy." - the context there is usually in the grammatical form used in the question - if you ask how's it going?, it's a now-in-particular answer. If you use present perfect or whatever the fuck it's called, you know, the auxiliary verb nonsense, and ask how's it been going? it's an in-general answer. It's also in the answers: I'm good is something you say when you've just fallen over and people are concerned, vs. I've been good when you've just seen friends for the first time in months and they're concerned. But that only comes up to the present and doesn't necessarily imply a future of good-being - I'm not sure if ser is different in that respect.

Are the two verbs used liberally to distinguish between temporary versus non-temporary emotional states like in your first example? Is it a common mode of expression to use both in one sentence? Can you use language like and instead of but? Is it seen as inherently contradictory like a transliteration would be in English? Because I'm absolutely feral for this. I love how effectively it holds meaning - to be able to say 'I'm shitty (right now) but I'm happy (in general) with nothing more than a different verb instead of having to add context. I wonder if it affects or enables a different mode of emotional expression?

Here, when people ask how you are and things are temporarily crap - in a banal way, like job stress or home repairs or exams - you instead generally make these insane understatements that serve to provide implicit subtext (things are actually shit), and also underscore the perspective that your emotional state now is not the same as your outlook on life (but you're still chugging along). i.e. "Oh, it's been [intentional pause]...busy."; "Not six feet under!"; "Things have been a little tough!". If you just said "I'm not happy," that would actually stop people dead in their tracks. Often we sub out the subject (I) when mentioning the less positive emotion and then stick it back in for the positive one we're couching it in. It softens things: "It's been stressful, but I'm stoked for winter break." We're trying to navigate the good and the bad in a linguistically and culturally acceptable way. What's it like in Portuguese? I would sort of love it to be both linguistically elegant and culturally normal in English to just communicate the complexities of our lives within the scope of a short exchange. We're not a country with loads of "It's bad and it's good and I'm here" idioms. But I know they're out there! Somewhere!

As someone who is generally Hob-levels of delighted (by life, my community, my friends, the mountains, a good tea or a bird, etc.,) but recently totalled my car which genuinely fucken bites, this bizarre little dance has been coming up a LOT at holiday get-togethers these past couple weeks hahaha. How have I been? I am* stressed to the tits, I am** happy. Happy to see you, happy to be here, happy. It is a part of the subject's essence! I WANT TWO VERBS! Please!!! *estar **ser

I'm so in love with the power of this - even if they've got rules that baffle Anglos - the way you've at least generally explained it is SO cool to me. I love the examples!! It's SUCH a neat difference. Am constantly delighted and humbled by the knowledge you guys bring to my ask box. Thank you for this rad Christmas Eve gift, dude. <3

Also thank you so much re: Flower King - that's exactly how I wrote it too so I'm glad it's contagious hahaha! Thank you so much for reading it. It's my pleasure to write and share stuff <3<3<3 I look forward to your fairy tale (and would love to hear more about it!)

#asks #language i love thee so #portuguese #an essay #I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS DUDE #estar and ser

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tasteleeknow · 2 years ago

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hi i’m sorry if this a bit personal i just love talking about minho to others 😭 but i was wondering how you got into skz? and how you ended up biasing minho? what’s your favorite thing about him? also what’s your favorite thing about him that you like to incorporate into your writing?? you don’t have to answer them im just curious and thought it’d be nice to get a few different questions !! have a good day 🤍

babes unless you are asking info you can find on my drivers license go right ahead i love oversharing ghfdj

how you got into skz? i've been into kpop since 2015 but the only things i knew abt skz until last year was miroh and gods menu and the fact they had two aussies. the thing that pulled me in was maniac partly bc i liked the song but also bc i just was at a point in life where i had the time to do a deep dive and watch their content. i also watched all of jisungs fancams bc i was obsessed with the way he danced and his facial expressions and his itty bitty waist. but yeah the content like skz code is what pulled me in.

how you ended up biasing minho? i actually did not even notice minho at all for the first two months ( i was into jisung then hyunjin at first ) and then as i learned his personality i was like wait why is he the hottest person alive why have i not noticed this and then i got his bubble and yeah yikes. here i am. im demi so i do not feel attraction to ppl until i know their personalities, like at all jfds. so yeah it was a gradual thing and then once i realised he was tsundere with all this softness inside and how weird he was and how smart and the way his sense of humour aligns so perfectly with mine i was... trapped.

what’s your favorite thing about him? ONE? one... um... i'm going to say his humour bc that's so important to me. i just.. adore ppl who are witty and weird and always laughing but then his demeanour the rest of the time balances it for me so he isn't overwhelming. idk his entire being is just so perfect for me it's very hard to pick one thing hfdjs but imagining him without the silliness makes me very sad so

what’s your favorite thing about him that you like to incorporate into your writing? i've noticed a lot of readers say they really like the way i write him and i'm very happy about that bc if i had to change it i'd struggle. i find him so easy to write and i haven't actually figured out why. i think this ties in to the previous answer tho bc it's the banter that i love the most if i had to pick. the snarky comments in the dialogue. he makes dialogue really fun for me which is my favourite part of writing overall.

anyway! this was fun! i could've kept going. i'm great at oversharing but i don't wanna unload an entire essay on you lmao hope you have a great day too ! ♡

#answered #🍇 anon

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nerves-nebula · 1 year ago

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everyone shut up i need to go on a very very log rant!!!

I need to tell you about the goat kid in the second to last image here- his name is Bessethel Hascroth and I slipped a child version of him into my college homework here because I was exhausted and needed something to be happy about.

He's part of two main stories, but might appear in others (like loose stitches) in the background or as a minor character, if I feel like it. (I'm a huge proponent of "just put your character's in each others stories")

in one story he's an eco terrorist and a villain. In another story he's the protagonist (though you could still see him as the villain because he's a serial killer).

anyway here's a synopsis of whats up with him. i'm leaving a lot out for the sake of not writing a 20 page essay, but yeah. its gonna be long.

Story One: Bessethels shitty little life

Bessethel Hascroth originates from a hedonistic demon world called The Redlands which is basically a huge never ending desert. His soul is all fucked up because the oldest and biggest Hascrothian Demon (there are multiple kinds of demons and Hascrothian is one of them) made a pact with a human to have a demon reborn as his grandson in exchange for riches. But he didn’t just kill the kids soul, he smashed a young demon and a human soul together. Bessethel Hascroth grew up in 1800’s Britain where he very quickly learned something was wrong with him.

As an adult he traveled the world and picked up a partner named Asadenya, him and Asa eventually went back to Britain, where they planned to live as secret lovers for the rest of their lives. Asadenya honestly didn’t like it in Britain cuz he was a big fan of academia and learning shit, but not a huge fan of racism and constantly having to conform and prove that he was Civilized.

Unfortunately due to The Plot Bessethel couldn’t stop fucking killing people, and Asadenya found out one night after an attempted kidnapping/murder gone wrong ends with Bessethel crawling home bleeding and his body morphing between demonic traits and his pale-ass human form. Then Asadenya shoots Bessethel and Bessethel wakes up in the Redlands after a bit of time in a weird limbo space. He never really recovers from that breakup and still thinks of Asadenya obsessively, despite Asa literally having killed him.

throughout the entire book it is unclear what Bessethel is or where he comes from, you only find out his backstory as he does, which he doesn't find out until far into his own life.

Interlude(?):

Between these two stories, Bessethel gathers a cult of sorts in the Redlands. The demons of the Redlands are actually quite nice and kind to one another, as they are all immortal and most of them have never left their perfect realm, so all they care about is hedonistic joy. Bessethel becomes a fixture of fascination, because he's not like other demons in a few key ways.

1) he can't shapeshift at all, all demons can shapeshift because all demons are made of the same red sand that the entire Redlands is made of. Bessethel cannot shapeshift, because his soul is fused with a human one and his form is static. This makes some of the other demons regard him as "More Real" in a way. he also requires help because of this, he can't move through the Redlands as quickly as others because he can't just fall into the sand and reconstruct his body later, the way everyone else can. His followers love the chance to be legitimately useful in a world where most things aren't really set in stone that way.

2) he grew up outside of the Redlands, which is fucking insane. Even demons who've been outside of the Redlands for extended amounts of time mostly grew up there!!! They find his questions and point of view novel and delightful. and there's nothing better than novelty in the Redlands.

3) due to his experience with real world economies, societies, and stakes, he's one of the most fun people to play games with. in a world where nothing really matters, he makes things FEEL like they matter. (basically: he's a really good DM haha)

Bessethel uses his followers to help him find a way back to earth. He loved earth more than anything, and he misses not being there. More than that though, he misses humans. Part of him feels at home with demons in the Redlands, but part of him feels at home with humanity as well. He's unsure if he'll ever feel fully at peace or if he's destined to be a miserable in-between thing. His current plan is to bring some demons with him to the earth, because humans can't survive very long in the Redlands.

He also starts going as simply Hascroth, because Bessethel was his human name, and it's a sign of status to claim the name Hascroth since there are a lot of Hascrothian demons. but it's like, you've gotta be particularly old or special to claim the name Hascroth and still be recognizable.

His most loyal and fervent admirer is a Hascrothian demon who renamed himself to Helenjack, based off Bessethels two-name combination (bess and ethel).

Story Two: Mule

Mule's story is, unsurprisingly, about Mule! Who is a different OC, and who we wont be getting into right now.

In this story, while Mule spends the first book training with trolls in a cave city deep underground, Hascroth finds a Contract being offered from earth.

(important note: Contracts are the only way a demon can get out of the Redlands. Demons can be contracted out to a multitude of universes and realities. A contract is made between the demon and a person currently residing in the reality the contract is for. Demons are beholden to doing whatever the contract has written down, so if a contract proposes the demon help kill someone then the demon MUST do that as the contractor commands at penalty of extreme pain)

Hascroth finds this contract while investigating reports of a bunch of young demons agreeing to a slew of shady contracts and never being seen again. this is concerning because most demons never see a contract, they're very rare, and so the excitement might make them forget to read the fine print. so this new appearance of all these contracts is weird. BUT ALSO: Hascroth desperately wants to find a contract of his own for earth, and he's heard word that all these contracts snatching up young demons go to earth.

AND SO Hascroth stakes out the place these contracts are appearing (a sort of oasis where a lot of newly spawned Hascrothian demons hang out) and finds one. When he reads it and confirms with a witness it's exactly like the one his friend agrees to, he tells them that unfortunately this is a crude slavery contract and their demon buddies are probably not having a good time. he then tells his groupies he'll find a way to bring all the baby demons back and accepts the contract.

So while plotline A is happening with Mule, Hascroth spends plot B figuring out that all these demons have basically been kidnapped and are Working In The Crystal Mines or something for an evil troll named Orca, who's using all his demon slaves to improve his army of Evil Trolls who plan on overtaking the underground city that Mule is training to protect, in plotline A. Mule is basically training to kill Orca and never meets him until they have to fight him. but we get to see what Orca is like from Hascroths POV.

LONG STORY SHORT: Hascroth gets close to Orca by being clearly different from other demons, being able and willing to use magic items for him (something trolls cant do because trolls are partially made of magic and so using magic fucks with their bodies) and informing for him.

By the time that Mule confronts Orca and kills him in the final fight of book 1, Hascroth has managed to gain a lot of power and loyalty from a select number of trolls and basically all of the young demons (including one named nicodemus who will be important later-) and Hascroth, having figured out how to transfer Orca's contracts from Orca to himself, basically has an army of angry and abused kids at his fingertips- as well as the few trolls who treated the demons well and decide to join Hascroth's side of things.

Hascroth gloats over Orca's dying body and fucks around with his organs just for fun. Then Hascroth is like "huh. well now that I'm on earth and I've seen the state of things (climate change fucking up his beautiful earth which he LOVES) maybe I should... do something about it."

Story Two: Mule Part Two

In what would be book 2 if I could make myself write as much as I made myself draw- Mule is like "hey why is Orca's gang still up and running i killed him???" and it turns out the reason is that Hascroth is in charge now! He's sent home any of the demons that want to go home, but honestly a lot of them stayed because their trauma has changed them and made returning to the Redlands physically and mentally difficult. (which Hascroth secretly likes because it means that they're more like him)

some of these enslaved demons were sent out to the human world and actually have human families and loved ones they're attached too as well- like Nicodemus! Nicodemus is a snake demon who ends up being a spy/informant for Mule, ends up getting caught for it, and gets forced to become a puppet for Hascroth through alterations to his contract- but that's not important rn.

BASICALLY. Before, Orca wanted to wage war against the trolls of the underground city, and once he won that he wanted to wage war on white people (there's a reason for this i swear but this is long enough as it is) which nobody really thought was going to go well. It would probably just mean trolls get wiped out tbh, but any exiled trolls basically had to join Orca's gang, cuz if they didn't they would die without community support.

but NOW that Orca is gone, things are maybe gonna get worse ? (after a brief period of peace) because while Hascroth doesn't care about killing humans that much anymore, he DOES care that climate change is happening (cuz he loves the earth) so he's like. what if i just destroyed a lot of stuff that's polluting the earth with my army of traumatized demon babies?

and he doesn't care about the effect this will have on humanity or any of the societies he plans on doing this to. So Mule is like "why are you doing this????? that's gonna kill so many people???" and he's like "lol idc, i'll protect me and mine, including any humans who join me, so it literally doesn't bother me."

so yeah Mule goes from protecting just one city from one gang of strong trolls to now having to fight hoards of vengeful demons with anger issues and trauma, who are hellbent on destroying whatever it is Hascroth points them at.

Also, Hascroth falls in love with a homeless thirty-something year old human named Deldew and Helenjack is jealous. Eventually Helenjack and Deldew accidentally get molded together but this post is so fucking long already. good god.

anyway if you've read this entire thing THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LISTENING TO ME TALK ABOUT MY OC'S. I just needed to get it out !!! please tell me if you're interested in any of this !!

Monstrous Homes - 2022

forgot to post this at the time, but this was my drawing final last semester.

Each of these images was accompanied by a short page of text that served as an interview of the characters.

It’s mainly about human/monster adoptions and had a lot to do with how my queerness manifested as an interest in seeing the humanity/personhood of monsters/creatures/whatever media was trying to “other.”

you can read the interviews here!

#nnstuff #nnart #oc art #bessethel hascroth #nnoc #mule story

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everythingsinred · 3 years ago

Text

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 26)

Gosh, I'm just so excited for this part.

After months of separation, Natsume has finally found Mikan, thanks to Shiki being a hopeless romantic and not knowing how normal people act.

Speaking of not acting like normal people, these twelve year olds will devote themselves to each other on Christmas, promising eternity and really meaning it.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Four

Shiki lets Natsume find Mikan, who wanted to see him as well, and is standing on the balcony to find him.

The first thing Natsume does is call out for her, maybe because it doesn’t seem real. After so many months of searching and coming up empty, he’s finally found her, probably in a place he’s checked thousands of times. When she calls back down to him, he knows for sure that it’s real. He climbs up to the balcony and in no time he’s reached her. They’re both excited to see and feel each other for the first time in so long. They’re able to hold hands, but they can only reach so far. Shiki can’t allow Natsume to actually break her out of her labyrinth.

The existence of the barrier is kind of a downer for Natsume, who had been looking forward to finding her and saving her all at once. She starts asking lots of questions, but he’s preoccupied, thinking about the thickness of the barrier and how much room he actually has to work with.

Mikan doesn’t stop talking, so he puts his hand on her mouth to shush her. If she’s too loud, they might get caught and then their clandestine reunion would be over and he might not see her again for who knows how long. And then a watchman passes down below, so Natsume is temporarily distracted, intent on not being found out.

When he looks back at her, her eyes are welled up with tears and she’s holding the hand he placed over her mouth with both of hers. He’s surprised, because he never fully processed that she confessed her love to him too. That could’ve been a dream or a fantasy or a projection or wishful thinking or maybe it didn’t mean the same thing to her as it does to him. But she’s so happy to see him that she’s in tears, holding his hand like it’s precious and she doesn’t want him to disappear again.

It’s a confirmation again that his feelings really are requited, that she’s been wanting to see him too. For so long, he’d thought of himself as the last person she’d ever fall in love with. He’d been Team Ruka, because he’d taken himself out of the running. He just wants her to be happy and it really had never occurred to him in all that time that he could be the one to make her happy.

So he comes to close the distance too, leaning his head against hers. They haven’t seen each other in so long, and no doubt there’s a lot left unsaid, but just a moment of quiet affection, to show each other how much they’ve missed the other, is necessary. She says she’s missed him, and it would be redundant for him to say it back. He’s been searching for her tirelessly night and day for months. To say he missed her would be an understatement.

Now that she has his attention, she can ask her earlier question properly: how did he find her, anyway? He answers that she was calling him. The power of her missing him caused this to happen. There’s no other explanation. He’s only half teasing. He’d never imagined she would care for him romantically, so he wants to milk the situation for all it’s worth. It makes him happy to imagine that she can say over and over and in many different ways how much she misses and loves him.

When Mikan protests, he pouts, because he really thought her calling out to him and the power of their feelings for each other had brought them together. When she concedes that there might be some truth to his theory, he smiles. This is a real smile. He’d never imagined this kind of situation, and it’s all somewhat surreal and dreamlike, and it makes him happy that after all this time he actually can get almost everything he wants. The only thing that could make this better is if he could actually break her out of her prison.

He expresses dismay that he’s helpless to get her out of there. She assures him that it’s enough just seeing him, and then panics because she didn’t prepare a present for him even though he got her a storybook. So she asks if there’s anything he wants for a present that she can give right then and there and Natsume asks for a kiss.

Natsume has up to this point always stolen little moments from Mikan, thinking she’d never value them the way he does. Their last kiss, snuggling on New Year’s, his half hug to her in the RPG… It was all affection he had to steal. But if Mikan really does love him, then maybe he doesn’t need to steal anything anymore. He can ask for her to give it of her own volition, and she would do it because maybe she wants to kiss him too. He’s way more honest than he’s ever been, because he doesn’t have anything holding him back anymore. Not only is he no longer the school’s pawn, but he also doesn’t have to hold back with her either, because his feelings are requited. He can be honest about almost everything.

He's just being honest for once, Mikan.

What he wants is a kiss, and since she asked, he’ll tell her.

He pretends to fall a little, in the midst of her freaking out. He makes up a bogus story that he’s not secure on the ledge and will fall soon, so if she’s gonna do it she has to do it quickly. This is another instance of Natsume being selfish. This is one of the few things he wants for himself that has nothing to do with protecting other people. He must think she wants to kiss him too, even if she won’t admit it, because he probably wouldn’t ask if he thought she hated the idea.

He must be onto something, because Mikan does lean in to slowly kiss him, even though her face is red and she’s deeply embarrassed. They kiss for a while, not knowing that Shiki can see them. When they finally part, he asks her to do it again. She protests that it would make her heart explode to do it again, so he surrenders.

Fine. They don’t have to kiss again. But then she should tell him that she loves him. Properly. From her own mouth.

Jeez, he's so needy tonight.

Natsume has confessed two times to her of his own accord and one time on accident when she felt his feelings through telepathy. The only time she did the same was also through telepathy. She should be fully aware of his feelings for her, but he needs to hear it properly. The one time she’d confessed, they were about to be separated forever and it was a heart-wrenching moment for them both. On top of that, he’d never imagined such a thing and needs further confirmation that she really meant it.

When Mikan protests again that she already gave him what he wanted and that he hadn’t really said it properly either, he promises to say it after she does.

Natsume needs confirmation before he can say it right. Almost the entire time that he’s been in love with her, he’s been perpetually giving up. She should give her stone to Ruka, dance with Ruka, be with Ruka, because she obviously prefers him anyway. Natsume’s been particularly selfless about this, and it was easy because he thought she would never love him back. He wasn’t about to genuinely pursue her or obviously pine after her (though it ended up being kind of obvious anyway) because he could never win her over anyway. All the other reasons not to be with her--putting her in danger, not being able to offer her a future--are harder to focus on when she’s actually saying she does love him too. But they still matter, and he won’t confess and give in and finally put all his chips in for the idea of being a couple until she says it properly. Until he knows for sure she feels the same, it’s not worth it to risk everything else.

And she does say it.

Out loud. Properly. With her own mouth.

Natsume's smile can cure illnesses... Just... Not his own, of course.

So Natsume smiles another real genuine smile. Those were words he’d never imagined he’d actually hear from her. Despite all his efforts to distance himself, to make himself into the bad guy to protect her, to be cold and cruel, she still ended up seeing past all of it and loving him anyway.

He’s so excited and happy that he leans in again and wastes no time before confessing right back. This is a promise he can keep: he loves her too.

From now until forever, more than anyone else.

He’s twelve years old but he means it.

The adults at the academy didn’t take his feelings seriously enough. They thought that threats and violence were more powerful than his foolish puppy love. But nothing really is. He gave everything up for her, and will give up even more. He can’t promise forever but he will love her for that long anyway. For the rest of his life and for every second after his death.

Chapter One Hundred and Forty-Five

They’re kissing again. When they break apart, they’re both happy.

This whole rendezvous seems dream-like and surreal. She has her hair down and they’re both wearing outfits they don’t usually wear. It’s snowing and they’re both standing on the balcony. It would be easy to claim that it all is just a dream, like it’s happening only in the depths of Natsume’s most self-indulgent fantasies. It shouldn’t be possible, is only happening because of Shiki’s whims. It stands out to the reader too, because of all of these elements, and doesn’t blend into the reality of every other chapter or arc. That’s actually effective in making it dream-like for us too. Is this all really happening? Is this just a strong wish that took shape? Is it a dream?

I really don't have anything to say except that this is a really vulnerable question and it's amazing that Natsume has the courage to ask it now.

In any case, Natsume swears he will save Mikan from the tower she’s trapped in, like the prince he’s supposed to be. “Can you wait for me?” he asks, and it’s the reverse of all of Mikan’s earlier questions. “You’re not going anywhere, are you?” she had asked, because she wanted him around. And then later, when it seemed she’d disappear forever with Yuka, there was the unspoken question if he could wait it out, survive long enough to see her again. Now he’s asking her if she can wait for him too, if she can have faith that he won’t abandon her.

This is again almost literally a dream come true. Mikan is saying she loves him back. His feelings are requited. What he wants is to hold onto this with all his might. He will save her and they will be together. She just has to wait long enough for him to get her out. He wants her feelings to last that long, even if he’s not around.

And she smiles and agrees, promising that she will wait as long as it takes, until they can be together properly forever. But she has a caveat: she doesn’t want him to push himself to get her out. She wants him to live, but if he does “whatever it takes” he might die. In fact, there’s a certainty in his demise, and every coming chapter makes that more and more clear. They’re still star-crossed, more than ever actually. They’re not just paralleling Rapunzel here: they are also Romeo and Juliet, confessing their love on a balcony under the light of the moon and promising a forever that is not to be.

He hugs her, but there’s something about his expression and lack of proper response that is off-putting. He doesn’t promise not to push himself. He can’t. He’s made lots of promises that he will break, but he made them because he wanted them to be true. He cannot make this one. Mikan’s safety is more important to him than even their joined happiness. He will do anything for her, and he won’t promise that he won’t.

Just don't die. Why is that so hard for you, Natsume?

Changing the subject, there is now a flicker from under Mikan’s coat, coming from what she reveals to be yet another alice stone on her necklace. She reveals that she made it. He’s impressed with the size, because the one she gave him less than a year ago was a mere pebble.

Natsume is disappointed to only be one of the many inspirations for Mikan’s stone, and it might be more evidence to him that she may love him but he loves her more. He doesn’t voice this insecurity, but we can see it, and it might be even more a reason why he can’t promise not to push himself. She could probably get over him. She could survive without him. He can’t live without her. Thus, his existence can be traded in for her freedom, her happiness, her safety, and it would scar but heal. He loves her more, he thinks. She’s more important. He can and will die for her.

She calls the stone her heart, a result of all the love and care she has for everyone in her life, and entrusts said heart with Natsume. She wants him to have it, a more fitting version of the stone she gave him before. She then rejoices that the alice stone exchange is complete, so they’ll be happy together forever.

Natsume looks shocked again, and I’ll repeat myself by saying that he’s still not used to the idea that she feels so romantically about him as well. She is in love with him and wants to be with him forever, so much so that she wants to do over the alice stone exchange properly with a stone she’s proud of.

He calls her out for proposing to him, which embarrasses her but she admits she did have that intention. But he tells her that he applied the romantic intent first when he gave her his alice stone. Here he’s confessing that his romantic feelings are nothing new. He’s loved her since then, at least, and she’s been a dream of his all along.

If she’s handing over her stone--her heart--to him, then she’s fully reciprocating. She’s not just into him. If she wants her future to be entwined with his, for them to get married and live together forever, than this is no passing fancy for her. Thus, she is now his. He asserts that because he has to hear it. She only wants to be with him, right? Then she is his girl, nobody else’s. He doesn’t tell her that he’s hers because he considers it redundant. He’s hers. He’s been hers since she tackled him in that warehouse so long ago. He will be hers forever. This is the first time he’s considered that she would be his too.

I thought I should pay attention to the word "hate", but I should've focused on "remember". Yikes!

He presses the stone to his lips, ultimately showing her how precious her heart is to him, and tells her that he won’t ever give the stone back, even if she comes to hate him. There’s a lot to unpack in just this one declaration, but let’s get into it.

When I first read this, I thought it was foreshadowing of another kind. I was distraught, actually, because I thought maybe Mikan would come to hate him! That’s silly though. Mikan cannot hate Natsume. Not ever again. It’s not possible. Mikan saw the very worst of Natsume and still fell in love with him. That is true, unconditional love. She sees the beauty in him, sees a future with him, even when he wanted to only show her the darkness. But Natsume doesn’t get that her love is unconditional. He says, “even if you come to hate me”, like it’s even a possibility, but says “I will never give this stone back,” because hating her is not a possibility. Yet again, he’s underestimating her love for him. He loves her more.

In his mind, it’s possible that she could stop loving him. She could turn that affection into disdain. She could completely hate him. But he won’t. Not ever. Even if she hated him, he would love her. Even if she wanted her stone back, he wouldn’t give it to her. Even if she gets over him, he will never give up on her. He will be with her and hold onto that stone forever.

But perhaps he’s saying, “even if you come to hate me” like it is an impossibility. Maybe he realizes that she will never despise him again. Maybe he gets that. In that case, then he’s promising that nothing in the realm of plausible or implausible will cause him to let go of her heart. Because it’s not just a stone! She’s told him herself that it’s her heart, so this isn’t just a declaration of endless loyalty, love, and fidelity, it’s also a promise that he will protect her heart, because it is precious to him.

They're twelve years old. I'd giggle if I didn't take them so seriously. I have no right to laugh... This is part 26 of a very long essay about them. I suck.

Whatever he means exactly, Mikan is touched. She starts stammering, trying to say something but obviously too embarrassed to say it properly. When she finally finds the words, asking if this is all a proposal, he answers. Yes.

The moon is their witness.

Nobody else is there to see this (as they have no idea that Shiki is the one who arranged this and has been observing them all along), and after this ends there will be little evidence that this moment between them passed at all. It’s all so surreal, so unrealistic. But the moon bore witness, and they can rely on that for the rest of their lives.

Because, especially for Natsume, this night is something out of a fantasy, and he’ll need all the evidence he can get to hold onto it as reality.

But the moment doesn’t last forever, because Shiki has to end it at some point. The barrier is reinstated and Natsume falls.

He calls out to her but it’s to no avail. She can’t do anything to hold onto him, and he can’t hold on to her. The only way to make this happen again is to save her.

Shiki and the MSP discuss what he just did, and how Natsume and Mikan probably won’t ever meet again. And for all that fate is concerned, it’s true. They’re not meant to be.

I kinda want to cry now.

Natsume lies in the snow afterward, looking at the moon and gripping Mikan’s heart, holding onto the only proof he has that the moment truly occurred. Otherwise, he could easily be convinced it was just another daydream. It came and went so quickly, he needs the evidence, the witness. Natsume is newly engaged to be married, though when exactly that marriage was supposed to happen is anyone’s guess.

It’s not the world’s shortest engagement for sure, but it sadly won’t last.

They are fated for sure, to meet and fall in love. But he’s fated to die and their love was doomed from the start.

He won’t make it another week.

Conclusion

They're engaged now, their feelings intense. My feelings on their fate has evolved over the past couple parts. I now fully believe that they are soulmates, fated to love each other. I also believe that they were supposed to end in tragedy, that fate didn't want them to last. I'll probably talk way more about that in Mikan's part, but it's made me an even bigger fan of NatsuMikan, if that was even possible.

I have written the entire Natsume POV essay. It's all done. The end is a bit lacking, but that's not my fault. Still, I'm excited to wrap this up. I'll post updates four days a week as usual. I reckon there'll be less than two weeks worth of essay left before I've finished posting. I've talked about this a bit before, but I'm going to take a pretty lengthy break between this essay and Mikan's, because it was a huge project and it really exhausted me. I loved doing it, don't get me wrong, but I do need a break before I can do Mikan's, especially because I think hers will be much longer (I might be wrong about that, but it's the feeling I get). I probably won't touch Mikan's essays 'til January or February. In the meantime, I'll be working on fics again, so if you're interested in that, you're in luck!

Thank you for reading, folks. I hope you have a great day!

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#gakuen alice #alice academy #hyuuga natsume #natsume hyuuga #natsumikan #sakura mikan #mikan sakura #my meta #ga #mine #ga meta #ga meta: nm #ga meta: manga #ga meta: manga nm #let's talk about natsumikan #let's talk about natsumikan: natsume #while editing i just listened to love bug by the jonas brothers over and over so u can count that as a song if u want.#but it doesnt do quite as much as kissing in cars by pierce the veil does!#literally every lyric fits them so well i think im gonna scream #anyway this is the last part of the essay where i can be entirely happy about their story #the rest of it is either heartbreaking or lowkey disappointing #kageki is nice and im a big fan but they were not focal at all so. again. disappointing.#im spoiled i just want endless nm content #alternately: im spoiled and i just want a decent nm ending #how sad and tragic for me

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makeste · 3 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 316: We've Had One, Yes, But What About Second Explosion

Previously on BnHA: Deku was all “[powers up like whoa because it’s time to end the fight]”, and he saved Overhaul from getting not-shot, and then smashed up Nagant’s arm with the power of his new rechargeable super knees. Nagant was all “yoooo this kid is crazy strong whaaaat, it’s like he’s some kind of protagonist or something.” Deku was all “I AM A PROTAGONIST, ACTUALLY, DO YOU WANT TO JOIN FORCES AND FIGHT BAD GUYS WITH ME?” Nagant was all “ah shit why the hell no -- ” and then AFO was all “SURPRISE” and everyone was all “?!?!?!” and AFO was all “TIME TO EXPLODE NOW” and made Nagant explode because he’s an absolute fucking dick. And then Hawks showed up, because Horikoshi just wanted to stuff as many plot points as humanly possible into a single chapter I guess.

Today on BnHA: Hawks is all “good job giving motivational shounen redemption speeches Deku but I’ll take it from here” and screams very earnestly right in Nagant’s face until she finally wakes up. Nagant is all “oh hey it’s my successor, you seem surprisingly unfucked-up from your own HPSC tenure, how did you manage that?” Hawks is all “fandom is going to love hearing this one, but basically it’s because I’m very upbeat and also I had the world’s best role model Endeavor to look up to,” and I swear this man stirs the pot on purpose, but damn it I still love him so damn much. Overhaul is all “HELLO AGAIN, JUST A REMINDER THAT, THE BOSS!!” and Deku is all “MAYBE TAKE TWO SECONDS TO REFLECT ON HOW YOU TORTURED A LITTLE GIRL,” which, thank you, lol. Nagant is all “btw AFO’s hiding in a house in the woods”, and so Deku and the gang go to the house in the woods. Video recording!AFO is all “hi I’m AFO welcome to Jackass” and blows up the house. Sometimes I wonder if this manga is just a weird dream.

I am once again reading the Bean version because I think it was actually the best out of all three translations last week. and that is surprisingly including Viz’s. “faux” is not nearly as entertaining as “knockoff”, and also I have literally no idea why Caleb thought Deku was saying the Third’s lines lol

oh hey, Endeavor’s here too! not that you’d ever be able to tell from this first panel lmao

glad you received All Might’s call, mysterious unidentified glowing smudge

oh snap he says he’s weaker in the rain. is that why AFO told Nagant to attack then?? except that as we discussed the other day, I believe that AFO fully intended for Nagant to lose the fight, so him giving her info that would give her an advantage doesn’t really fit in with that. maybe he wanted Deku to be separated from Endeavor and the rest for maximum angst, though

btw Deku’s eyes are unsurprisingly back to the new normal here

alas, the angst continues. I say, pretending like I’m not totally eating it up each and every week and writing essay after essay about it lol

anyway so apparently Hawks can’t actually fly lmao. he was just yeeting himself with style

for some reason this is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen omfg. wave to Hawks, kids! say “bye, Hawks!”

j/k of course Deku is catching them. -- except???

wow so he was just running on fumes there at the end. well, good to know there is actually a limit to his shenanigans, particularly regarding this new “knockoff” 100% OFA. it will definitely not alleviate any of the discourse, but it’s good for my own peace of mind because it’s solid confirmation that he still needs his pals in order to win this thing

anyway, but on to the rest of this conversation, which is basically Deku deducing what we all deduced last week -- AFO implanted some sort of trap into Nagant when he gave her Air Walk. though I’d still like to get the actual details from AFO and/or Horikoshi, because this was particularly wild even by quirk standards lol

omgggggg

she still has a face after all!! so it’s confirmed, Horikoshi has no idea what “blowing up” actually means. we might have guessed, based on what happened to Toga in the MVA arc, and also based on everything Katsuki does ever, but shhh

so now Hawks is all “NAGANT PLEASE WAKE UP, IF I SHOUT MY NAME AT YOU WILL THAT DO THE TRICK”

this is actually kind of touching though because even though we all know (or most of us acknowledge at any rate) that Hawks is a pretty caring person, it’s rare to see him actually panic over someone’s welfare like this

oh shit Horikoshi is really doubling down on it

I wonder how much Hawks knew about what really happened between Nagant and the HPSC. regardless, he probably sees her as a kindred spirit of sorts, and I’m more than happy for Deku to pass the redemption torch onto him now that he’s on the scene. like no offense Deku but they actually know each other and stuff lol

DAMMIT NAGANT CAN’T YOU SEE HOW LOUD HE IS YELLING

apparently being freed from his HPSC shackles has finally given Hawks the space to embrace his own inner shounen protagonist. is there anything more shounen than trying to motivationally scream someone awake when they’re lying in your arms inches from death?? 100% guaranteed to work

!!! IS THIS NAGANT’S POV OMG

SO SHE IS ALIVE. THANK GOD. Horikoshi doesn’t want to meet with my emotional distress lawyer today after all

love how she’s all “just gonna stir up the weekly Hawks Discourse pot here by implying that he probably committed a lot of Atrocities just like I did, so now people can get all hopped up about that, even though there’s no evidence he’s ever killed anyone aside from that one horrible ‘damned-if-you-do...’ situation with Twice.” no one asked for your provocative speculation young lady!! trust me Nagant, our rabbles don’t need the rousing lol

but nice save there with the “so how are your eyes so untainted” well you see it’s because even when he was following the HPSC’s orders he always went to great lengths never to go against his own moral compass. which just to be clear was incredibly difficult, and led to a ton of pain and suffering on his part, because the life of a spy is basically just one impossible situation after another. but in spite of that he never stopped trying to do his best to help people. I don’t really know where this tangent came from or is leading to, lol, but anyway p.s.a. I love Hawks a lot and he’s a good kid dammit

oh shit??!?

how is the League always able to swing all these fancy forest mansions. where do they find them. how many do they have

so Deku’s dropping them -- very roughly, not sure if he was reacting to finally getting AFO’s location, or if his energy really is giving out -- and now Nagant’s saying that AFO hired other villains as well. well of course he did. gotta keep chipping away at OFA’s ninth successor little by little

now Nagant is asking Hawks how he’s able to keep making “that” face. I assume she’s again talking about the fact that he somehow didn’t let the HPSC wear down his spirit

oh my god???

thanks for stuffing this chapter to the brim with good nutritional Hawks Feels, Horikoshi. what a good. he just keeps on trudging forward undeterred no matter what bullshit comes his way. what a steadfast little guy. I WILL PROTECT YOU FROM DISCOURSE MY SWEET SUNSHINE

lmaoooo

“SPOTTED THIS DUDE JUST CHILLING OUT THERE ON THE ROOF WITH NO ARMS, SEEMED PRETTY SUS” good job Endeavor

anyway so you don’t really need me to tell you that Overhaul is immediately starting in with the “BUT THE BOSS WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE ME TO THE BOSS YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD TAKE ME TO THE BOSS” stuff again. but I will go ahead and tell you anyway. so yeah. he’s doing that

OMG YOU GUYS LOOK AT DEKU’S “of all the fucking assholes to just randomly drop in on my life once again why did it have to be you” FACE THOUGH, OMG

fun fact, if you go back to chapters 124 through 160, there was an entire story arc where Overhaul imprisoned and tortured a little girl. yeah, I know!! suuuuuuuuper evil. anyways just an interesting little anecdote for you all that’s somewhat relevant to the current situation

OMG, YES. FUCK YES, DEKU

THEN WHAT ABOUT SPARING ONE FOR HER!!! YES!!! EXACTLY!!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, SOMEONE GETS IT

HERE’S THE PANEL OF DEKU SAYING THE EXACT SAME THING I’M SAYING LOL

(ETA: so apparently there’s some discourse about this because some people are interpreting this as Deku saying “you should apologize to Eri”, which would obviously be a terrible idea even if Overhaul actually wanted to do that, because Eri shouldn’t ever have to see him again. however I just want to point out that there is a HUGE difference between saying “it would be nice if you could direct that feeling of regret/being sorry towards Eri as well”, vs saying “you should also apologize to her.” all Deku is doing is rightfully pointing out that Overhaul has hurt way more people than just his boss, and if he really is remorseful, then he should extend those feelings of remorse to Eri and the rest as well. it’s not a directive to take any specific action, and I’m 1000% sure no one at U.A. would let Overhaul within 100 miles of Eri ever again.

tl;dr “try feeling remorse sometime” =/= “do you want me to fly you over to U.A. right now to surprise the little girl you traumatized”, lol.)

[slings an arm around Deku’s shoulders] you’re a good kid. I like you. I don’t know if I tell you that enough, but it’s true

meanwhile here is Overhaul’s “spare... a thought... for Eri...???????” face sigh

the struggle is real y’all

(ETA: and that’s... the last we ever saw of Overhaul, I guess? well all right then. I assume Deku will make good on his promise, so we know he’ll get that little bit of closure before going back to jail or whatever, and I confess I’m more than fine with leaving the rest of it open-ended, especially given his character’s history. I think this was pretty generous all things considered.)

lmao holy shit

All Might what did you do to those tiki torch guys?? did you thrash them. did you give ‘em those hands. did you deliver their own asses to them complete with a sticker reminding them Amazon Prime Day is on June 21. we missed out goddammit

so Endeavor, who wasn’t the one he was asking, is telling him that they captured (well let’s be real, Deku captured, give the credit where it’s due) Nagant and Overhaul. and so I guess they’re going to take Nagant to the ER now

fire is no one’s weakness

-- oh my GOD I scrolled down and audibly gasped

[is politely but firmly approached and asked to remove my arm from Deku’s shoulder by the physical manifestation of all this Dekuangst] “we’re sorry, he’s not allowed to have visitors right now” oh shit, my bad. [goes to stand behind a police barricade]

lmao what. did you run out of room on the previous page

what an exaggerated fade to black lmao

-- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I actually can’t see what he’s reacting to so maybe I’m just seriously jumping the gun here lol, but THE HELL WITH IT. the next panel appears to be a cut to Haibori Forest, so I’m just gonna go ahead and declare that Deku ran off on his own all wounded to go have more Dekuangst, just like I manifested. now go call Katsuki goddammit

[scrolls three more inches down] oh

yeah so like I said, Deku is walking very slowly a few feet in front of Endeavor, who’s telling him to wait up. yep. we’ve all gotta be so careful to not just jump to conclusions. I know we’re excited but still

anyway, so! welcome back to Mt. Lady and Kamui Woods (ARE YOU GUYS DATING) and Edgeshot! have fun walking into this obvious trap lol

dammit Deku why are you so determined to tempt fate

[monkey puppet meme faces]

OH MY GOD THIS IS PURE GRADE-A CHEESY COMIC BOOK VILLAIN 101 SHIT AND I’M HERE FOR IT

that’s such a weird way of clapping who claps like that

unlike certain other people who shan’t be named, AFO doesn’t feel the need to inexplicably take his shirt off when recording sinister villain monologues. I think we’re all pretty grateful for that

high fives to everyone who called it!! yep yep

anyway so this whole scene has major booby-trap vibes, which I’m enjoying immensely even though I don’t think anything is really going to come of it lol. probably just another long-winded AFO Speech. but wouldn’t it be funny if like the ceiling started lowering down to try and squish Deku afterwards lol

(ETA: well the explosion was still pretty funny too ngl.)

ffff

[“Dekuangst is the trap” intensifies]

anyway so yeah. he’s just hitting up all of his usual villain talking points. we get it, you’re so smart and you see right through the thin veneers of society and people who don’t conform are left to fend for themselves and labeled as villains and history is written by the victors, and blah blah blah dude are you just jumping randomly from one soundbyte to another lol. literally what are you talking about. what does this have to do with you blowing up Nagant

-- holy shit??

[”Dekuangst is the trap” intensifies MORE?????]

LOL WHAT

BRO. WHAT IS WITH YOU. DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO LAY ANY OTHER KIND OF FUCKING TRAP GOOD LORD

“YOU’RE NEXT” THE CALLBACK?? THE PARALLELS?? THOUGH WHEN ALL MIGHT POINTED HE MADE IT LOOK WAY COOLER. AFO’S POINTING JUST LOOKS LIKE SMOKEY THE BEAR

HAS ANYONE CHECKED IN ON KAMUI WOODS I HEAR HE IS WEAK TO FIRE?? THE ONLY ONE WHO IS, APPARENTLY

r.i.p. to this particular forest mansion. don’t worry they have a ton of backups

remember last week when I said maybe AFO thinks explosions are gauche. well never mind. he fucking loves explosions

anyway so that’s the end of BnHA, everyone. hope you enjoyed. it was a good ride while it lasted. see you all, good luck in your travels

#bnha 316 #hawks #takami keigo #lady nagant #midoriya izuku #all for one #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #manifesting 317 opening with a slightly modified version of my previous fantasy scenario lmao #'WHADDYA MEAN THEY BLEW UP THE NERD'#that's *his* job #sorry lol I kid I kid

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bbangsoonie · 4 years ago

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goal: your heart

member: sunwoo genre: fluff word count: 5,423 synopsis: due to a budget cut, you have to follow the soccer team around for both the school newspaper and yearbook despite knowing nothing about sports. before you know it, you find yourself warming up to the team’s star player, who you swore was the most annoying and arrogant person ever.

a/n: this is a part of the star player collab with @atbzkingdom for sunwoo’s birthday! (also, this will be written with the american academic calander in mind)

You knew exactly what you were doing. You were the top student of both your class and school and the leader of many clubs. Your college application was full of achievements and your essay exquisitely written. The only problem? You had no idea what to do after graduation. You didn’t know where you wanted to go or what you wanted to study.

Growing up, everyone told you that you’d eventually find something you love. By senior year, you thought you would at least have an idea by now.

But nope, you were even more lost if anything. Dream job? That was just a capitalistic lie meant to make people happy to slave away for money.

Grumbling, you listened as your friends rambled on about the campuses they visited. It was only the first day back and everyone was already obsessing over one thing and one thing only.

“Y/n, you’re so lucky,” Juyeon pouted. “You don’t have to worry about getting into a university. Your stats are literally perfect.”

“I have other things to stress over,” you groaned. “At least you know what you wanna pursue.”

“Y/n has other things to worry about. She’s about to graduate without ever finding love,” Younghoon teased.

“It’s all our fault,” Jaehyun squinted as he pinched his nose bridge. “We raised her standards too high. I’m sorry, Y/n, that I can’t take responsibility.”

The notebook in your hand threatened to fly over to his seat. Luckily for him, he was saved by Juyeon’s very unnatural attempt at changing the subject. He inquired about the school newspaper that was barely spared in a major budget cut last year.

Thinking about it made you sigh. You had poured in so much effort over the years for the paper and it was almost taken from you. The school was cutting funds for a lot of clubs and diverting the money to the many sports teams that brought home trophies.

A part of the negotiations to save the newspaper club was to feature more sports events and student athletes in order to garner support for the teams. You weren’t pleased with the decision. Your plate was already full without trying to inflate the ego of players who had a god superiority complex. Jaehyun was a great example of the type of jock you didn’t want to raise on a high pedestal.

You had also promised Kevin, the president of the yearbook committee, to help out with photographing games since you had to attend them anyway. Despite the many tasks assigned to you, you were relieved that you could spend your last year continuing to write articles.

“Does that mean you’ll get to come to practice with us? The basketball team is always on my ass about introducing them to you. Now I can finally stop being pestered to be the middleman,” Jaehyun grinned.

“No shot,” Younghoon shook his head. “My swim team has already tried but Y/n puts up a cold front.”

“Hey, I’m a delicately guarded rose with sharp thorns,” you joked, making Jaehyun pretend to gag. This time, the notebook hit his arm.

“No one is good enough for our Y/n,” Juyeon defended. You turned around to coo at him and said something about him being the only nice one as Younghoon guffawed.

The first day of soccer practice meant you had to stay behind after dismissal to meet the team. The coach introduced you to the players and beamed when he got to the last one.

“This is our ace, Sunwoo. Although I’m sure you know that already,” he said proudly.

To be honest, you had no idea who he was. The school was too big to know everyone and you had absolutely no interest in sports. You rarely even went to Juyeon and Jaehyun’s basketball games and Younghoon’s swim meets.

Not wanting to offend anyone, you simply smiled. Sunwoo, catching your hesitance, raised a brow. However, he kept quiet until he approached you during one of his breaks.

“Do you really not know me?” he asked as he took a seat next to you on the bleachers.

Surprised by his sudden question, you blankly stared at the boy in front of you. Sweat was dripping from his hair but he paid it no attention as he chugged an entire water bottle.

“How cocky are you?” you scoffed.

“You really don’t know our soccer team’s star player, Kim Sunwoo?” he gaped.

“Sorry to disappoint but I really don’t care or know much about soccer. Or any other sports for that matter,” you shrugged.

“You’re going to write about the soccer team… when you don’t even know who we are or what we’re doing?” he asked incredulously.

“That’s why I’m here to observe,” you snapped back.

Finding you amusing, he finally wiped away his sweat as the coach blew his whistle to gather the players again.

Sunwoo always gave it his best but for some reason he found himself practicing extra hard that day. Knowing your eyes were on him motivated him to show off his skills by annoying his teammates and stealing the spotlight. After his third goal in a row, he looked at you to see your reaction but was baffled to see you busy writing something down.

Frustrated and peeved, he kicked at the grass with a huff.

When practice came to an end, he snuck up behind you to see what you were so intently focused on. Reading the notes on your notebook, he hummed.

“So that’s what you were doing instead of watching me,” he mused.

You were listing physical traits and personality attributes of each player. He scanned the paper for his name and frowned when he saw what you wrote about him.

“Arrogant and conceited? That’s all you have to say about me?” he whined.

“What? It’s true,” you deadpanned.

“Haknyeon gets “tall, bubbly, and extroverted” but I get “arrogant and conceited”? That’s not fair. This is biased journalism!” he exclaimed.

Realizing that practice was over, you gathered your belongings and stood up to leave. With his cheeks puffed, he watched as you left the field. You were unlike any person he had ever encountered.

“Sunwoo? Kim Sunwoo?” Younghoon repeated with his eyes wide. “The soccer caption Kim Sunwoo?”

Jaehyun and Juyeon’s chopsticks froze midair in shock. Finding their reactions odd, you nodded as you took another bite of your lunch.

“I can’t believe the lady killer got rejected by the man hater,” Jaehyun broke out into a fit of laughter.

“Now that’s a title I’d like to see on the school newspaper,” Younghoon snickered.

“Okay, first of all, I did not reject him because he did not come on to me,” you rolled your eyes. “Secondly, who the hell is he anyway? Why do you all know him?”

“He’s notorious for his fuckboy image. Although I think that’s an exaggerated reputation,” Juyeon said you picked out all the vegetables from your plate. He willingly moved them to his own and you smiled gratefully in response.

“So my first impression of him was correct,” you said.

“He’s not that bad. He’s actually pretty cool. Rumors don’t do the sweet guy justice,” Juyeon explained.

“Our lovely Juyeon sees the good in everyone,” Younghoon gushed as he pet his friend, earning him a smack on the back of his head.

“We were partners for a history project,” Juyeon clarified. “I got to know him a bit and he’s a good guy. Just enjoys attention a little too much. Like Jaehyun.”

Weirdly offended, Jaehyun scowled. You shrugged it off, returning your attention back to your food. You had no intentions of getting to know Sunwoo anyway. At least, that was the plan until he bombarded you in the hallway while you were walking to class.

He blocked your path with that irritating smirk on his face. Exasperated, you asked him what he wanted.

“So I’ve been thinking about what you said yesterday,” he started.

“Oh, so you do think?”

“Hey!”

“Do you think you can move and get out of my way?”

“Anyway, as the president of the newspaper club who’s in charge of covering the soccer team, I think you lack way too much information about the sport. And our school’s players.”

“How do you know I’m the president?”

“I asked around.”

You look at his eyes, trying to peer through any ulterior motives. He was being suspiciously generous. But he wasn’t entirely wrong. Even you thought it was ridiculous that a person who didn’t know a thing about soccer had to write articles about it.

You were also aware that any interviews with the athletes would be surface level stuff that all the students probably already knew. You were the only one out of the loop.

You pursed your lips, annoyed that he was right. Realizing that you were in agreeance, Sunwoo grinned.

“I am offering you the very special privilege to follow me around and learn everything there is to know about the team. For the paper of course,” he quickly added the last part after seeing the look on your face. “I can teach you about both soccer and my teammates.”

After pondering his proposal, you finally nodded.

“Deal,” you eyed his happy expression. “What do you want in return?”

He was taken aback by your question. He hadn’t expected you to assume that he would demand compensation. Your presence and attention were what he was after in the first place. However, he couldn’t let the opportunity pass by.

“Bubble tea,” he declared after some thought. “You can treat me to bubble tea after practice and I can tutor you then.”

“Fine,” you sighed before pushing him aside to make it to class before the bell rang. He was left behind with a stupid smile on his face.

The first tutoring session was extremely awkward for you. You weren’t used to hanging out with guys other than Juyeon, Younghoon, and Jaehyun. They were the only members of the male species you didn’t despise. This riled up Sunwoo’s competitive side. He was determined to get close to you.

He couldn’t stand having someone not like him. He was used to being on friendly terms with everyone—including teachers and even wallflowers. He had a strong desire to receive acknowledgement from everyone.

Perhaps that was why so many girls fell for him.

Nevertheless, the wall around you remained thick and high. Just as he was well known for his playboy persona, you were infamous for never letting guys in. You cold heartedly turned down any and every guy who asked you out. And there had been a lot.

Sunwoo, on the other hand, was excited to spend time with you. Bubble tea was just an excuse to meet you outside of school grounds.

His phone dinged, notifying him of a text. Haknyeon had sent him a screenshot of a post made on the school’s gossip page and wrote “this you?”. He snorted at the content speculating his relationship status after supposedly receiving another confession and rolled his eyes. Curious, you asked him what he was looking at.

“Ah, it’s nothing,” he shook his head as he put the device away. “Just the stupid tea account.”

“Oh you mean that anonymously run social media page that popped up over summer break?” you frowned.

You hated everything about it. It spread rumors, without fact-checking, and started drama. It resulted in both a breakup and the end of a friendship in the span of two months. It was exactly what you and the school newspaper stood against.

Nothing could be done to stop the false information and invasion of privacy because it wasn’t officially affiliated with the school and the students continued to feed into it. People even sent in stories to be posted.

“So tell me what you do know about soccer,” he leaned in and propped his chin on the palms of his hands.

“I know the very basics from catching glimpses of the World Cup,” you leaned back on your chair, making him pout.

“Well, to be honest, explaining the rules is a lot easier to do when directly pointing things out during a game. There’s a match airing tonight. Do you want to come over and watch it with me?” he asked expectantly.

“We can watch the replay tomorrow during study hall,” you said.

“Then we can start by talking about me today,” he chirped. “My squad number is 19 because 9 is usually worn by centre forwards but I wanted to be special and added a 1 in front of it. I’m the centre forward, which is the main striker. That means playing offensive is my main objective. Which is why I’m the highest scorer on the team.”

You wanted to wipe the smug look off his face. It irked you how he so easily bragged about himself.

“I also really like movies and can play the guitar. A true all-rounder and romanticist,” he smiled.

He continued to reveal fun facts about himself for another half an hour. It was only at the end that you realized most of it was useless when writing for the paper. You groaned, realizing you had fallen for his trap.

Still, you learned some things about soccer and his position in the team. Following him to the cafe hadn’t been a complete waste of your time.

The next day, Sunwoo hunted you down to make sure you kept your promise about watching the game together. He dragged you to the computer room during study hall and pulled out the earbuds he prepared. He had purposely rummaged through his drawers the night before to the share wired ones with you.

You had to admit he was extremely helpful when explaining the rules and strategies of soccer. Despite being uncomfortable with the proximity of his body to yours, he was a great teacher. He made everything sound so simple. After you began to understand the game, you even found yourself enjoying the match.

After spending a week with him, you hated that you couldn’t say you still disliked him. After all, you two met almost every day for hours.

You had a gut feeling that you would come to regret it and were proven right. You had a bad feeling the moment you saw Jaehyun run up to you as if his life depended on it. Panting, he barely pulled himself together to show you the post that made him immediately report to you.

“KSW and Y/INITIALS seen cozily spending time together. Will he be the one to finally break through her?” you read aloud.

A photo of your backs from the computer room and a mosaicked side shot of you two at the cafe were attached to the title. The comments under the post were even more ridiculous.

“A challenge to be anticipated.”

“Poor girl will only end up as one of his many heartbroken playthings.”

“I know who KSW is. Who’s Y/INITIALS??”

“The legendary man hater? With a guy?? Wow how good must he be 👀”

“Damn so she rejected me for him?”

Your blood boiled and you shoved the phone away. Trying to calm yourself down, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath. And failed.

“What is this, fucking Dispatch?” you exploded. A few students passing by stared at your outburst and widened their eyes when they saw that it was you. You sighed, knowing that the whole school saw the post.

“I’m not a celebrity! Why are people so invested in fake rumors about me?” you yelled, trying to keep your voice to a whisper as you pulled Jaehyun into an empty classroom.

“I’m sure it’ll blow over,” he assured.

“If I ever find out who the admin of this page is, I will ruin them,” you glowered.

You almost didn’t go to the soccer practice that day. But you knew that avoiding him would only add fuel to the fire so you sucked it up and went to the field after school as usual. You heard the hushed murmurs that stirred among the team when you arrived and you wanted to turn back around and leave.

Before you could, however, Sunwoo appeared and shut everyone up with a warning glare. He announced that the coach would be late and to start by running laps.

You were more annoyed than upset about the post. It just stupefied you that people really had nothing better to do than gossip about you. You didn’t think you were that interesting.

You were so close to escaping after practice but Sunwoo caught you trying to sneak away. He stood in front of you, crossing his arms as if to ask where you were going. Giving up, you muttered a “fine” and waited for him to change out of his uniform.

This time, you two wordlessly agreed to go to a different cafe. With the bubble teas on the table in front of you, you sat in silence until Sunwoo finally spoke up.

“Don’t mind what the post or others say,” he huffed.

“I’m not too bothered by it,” you shrugged.

“Good. Because I want to get to know you as just Y/n and Sunwoo. Through whatever you wish to tell and show me. I feel like we’re always just talking about me.”

His words left you speechless. Juyeon hadn’t been kidding when he mentioned how thoughtful Sunwoo was. You felt your heart warm as you smiled.

“Well what do you want to know about me?” you asked.

“Anything. Everything.”

So you spilled about your interests, hobbies, and goals. It was strange. Although it hadn’t been long since you met him, you felt comfortable around him. He made you feel at ease and you didn’t think twice about opening up to him.

You told him about your struggles as a high achieving student. About the pressure you felt and how embarrassing it was to tell people that you didn’t have any dreams.

With your grades, all the teachers expected you to apply to medical school. On the other hand, your parents encouraged you to work towards a high paying and stable salary as a corporation employee. Your friends suggested that you go for something in journalism because of your passion and commitment to the school newspaper.

But the club was just something you did for fun. You didn’t know if you liked it enough to pursue it as a career.

Sunwoo listened attentively as you went on about your concerns. From the outside, you looked like you had your life together. You were the perfect student and the girl that many guys chased after. But as he spent more time with you, it became clear that you were very uncomfortable with boys.

“Can I ask how you got so close with the Bermuda line?” he asked.

“The Bermuda line? What’s that?”

“You’ve never heard of the term? Juyeon, Jaehyun, and Younghoon are called the Bermuda line because they’re the most popular athletes out of all the sports teams. The girls say that once you fall for them, you’re stuck in between them forever because you can’t get out.”

You hadn’t laughed that hard in so long. You knew they had fans but found it hilarious how the trio even had a nickname.

“Oh man, I can’t wait to make fun of them for this,” you laughed, nearly in tears.

When he told you that they actually took great pride in the title, you bursted out in laughter again. Their self love truly was on another level.

“So how’d you end up friends?” he asked again.

“Juyeon, I’ve known since middle school. We were in the same class for all three years. Jaehyun didn’t go to the same school as us but he was friends with Juyeon because they played basketball together. I met him and Younghoon at the end of freshman year. They kinda crash landed into my life but we really clicked so that’s why I still bless them with my friendship.”

Sunwoo giggled at your own overwhelming confidence. He loved that you never sold yourself short. He didn’t notice he had been staring at you until you pointed it out. Blushing, he insisted that it was nothing and took another sip of his bubble tea.

Two months passed by and you eventually came to call Sunwoo a friend. Younghoon teased you about him being more than a friend and at first, you thought he was crazy. But with him planting the idea in your head, you began to question your own feelings. Cursing Younghoon, you blamed him for confusing you.

As the designated photographer, you tagged along to the soccer team’s last match. The entire team was nervous as it would determine the winner of the tournament. Even Sunwoo was anxious.

Before the game started, you offered him a supportive smile and he felt all worries lifted off his shoulders. He erased all thoughts of winning and losing and just concentrated on the ball. He wanted to enjoy the last match of the season and look cool in front of you. That was all that mattered to him.

Fortunately, he got both plus the win. The crowd erupted into cheers as he scored the winning goal just seconds before the whistle was blown to signal the end of the game. His knees fell to the ground and his teammates rushed to surround him.

Seeing how happy he looked brought a smile to your lips. He jumped up and scanned the bleachers for your face. When he finally spotted you, he broke away from his team to run up to you and embrace you in a giant hug.

Caught off guard, you froze as his teammates hooted and applauded. You felt your cheeks heat up at the attention.

“Congratulations,” you chuckled, patting his back. “You did well.”

“Did you get a lot of pretty pictures of me?” he grinned, pulling away to look at you.

“No, I only took pictures of Haknyeon,” you joked. By now, he was used to your teasing and simply ruffled your hair in response.

“There’s gonna be an after party tonight,” he brought up carefully. “I’d really like it if you came. Only if you’re okay with that type of scene though.”

Surprised, you nodded before you fully thought it through.

That was how you ended up moping at Jaehyun’s house. The invitation was extended to the Bermuda line as well and they were all planning on dragging you there. Younghoon was excited at the thought of finally going to a party with the whole group and Juyeon was picking out an outfit for you from Jaehyun’s sister’s closet.

“I don’t know if I trust your fashion sense,” she made a face at the top he held up.

This was your first party and you weren’t sure how you felt about it. There was a reason you hadn’t gone to one throughout your high school years.

Nonetheless, you were dressed up in an outfit that definitely reflected Jaehyun’s sister’s style more than yours. She fawned over how pretty you were and urged you to go with the boys.

So you walked through the doors and into the house vibrating with music. Everyone who recognized you was shocked to see you there. Feeling awkward, you stuck by Jaehyun’s side as you maneuvered around the throng of people. When he finally caught sight of Sunwoo, he dipped and left you alone with him.

“Thanks for coming,” he shouted over the loud music.

“Thanks for inviting me,” you shouted back.

Sunwoo offered you a drink, which you declined. Following your choice, he opted for a soda instead as well. You weren’t much of a dancer so you enjoyed people watching instead. It was fascinating to see your classmates have so much fun.

You giggled when you saw Juyeon be so painfully oblivious to a girl’s advances and walked away to dance with Younghoon. Meanwhile, Jaehyun was having the time of his life flirting with girls. You blocked your eyesight when you saw him leaning in to kiss one of them.

“Ugh, gross,” you cringed. “I do not need to know this side of my best friend’s love life.”

Laughing, Sunwoo offered to take you outside for some fresh air and a change of scenery. You gladly agreed and let him guide you to the backyard.

The night sky was full of tranquility that contrasted the chaos that ensued indoors. You sat on the grass and Sunwoo joined next to you.

“You look beautiful today,” he commented.

“Only today?” you laughed.

“Especially today,” he answered in a serious manner. His sincerity made you clear your throat and look away. He stunned you by cupping your face with his hands.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

“Are you drunk?” you blinked.

“I haven’t had a single sip of alcohol.”

His voice was slow and raspy. Your heart was beating faster than you wanted it to and you knew the corners of your lips were betraying you.

“You can either lean in or pull away,” he said as he brought his lips closer to yours.

Your heart now felt like it was about to jump out of your chest. Red alarms were going off in your head and you didn’t know what to do. All you knew was what you were only a few centimeters away from kissing Sunwoo.

So you did what any insane person would do and closed the gap between your lips. You wanted to punch him when you felt him smirk but he pulled you closer and held onto you tightly.

The weekend passed without much changes in your relationship with Sunwoo. You were worried that you had either ruined your friendship or that he was sick of you but Juyeon reassured you that he probably wanted to talk about it in person. Anxiously, you overthought things until Monday finally arrived.

Wanting to keep yourself busy until you met Sunwoo, you stopped by the club room early in the morning to import the photos from the last game. Shortly after you connected the camera to the computer, you heard a knock on the door.

Startled, you looked at the door and saw Jacob sheepishly poking his head through the door. You told him to come in and he took a seat next to you.

“Kevin told me to drop by before class for an interview,” he said. You nearly facepalmed. You had completely forgotten about that. You were supposed to interview him for the paper.

“Oh yeah! Hold on, let me go get my notebook,” you searched through your backpack to find it.

The volleyball player was this month’s star of the month and you had to write a piece on his past achievements. He was extremely kind and was careful not to use any advanced sports terminology to make sure anyone could easily read the interview, which you were grateful for.

Before you parted, he gave you a side hug out of habit and apologized when he realized that it was only his first time meeting you. You laughed it off and insisted that now you could be friends since you two hugged already. Relieved that you weren’t disturbed, he happily waved goodbye to you as he walked away.

Being in a different class than Sunwoo meant that you had to wait until lunch period to see him. You honestly didn’t even know if you wanted to see him. You weren’t ready to face him yet.

When the bell finally rang and it was time for lunch, Juyeon forced you to go to the cafeteria instead of hiding out in an empty classroom. The moment you sat down with your tray, however, you felt all eyes on you. Your stomach dropped, knowing it couldn’t be good news.

“Y/n, is this true..?” Jaehyun asked, showing you the new post on the gossip page. You hated that you were always right about bad intuitions.

KSW and Y/INITIALS caught making out at last night’s party… is BJY a side hoe?

You had no idea when a photo was taken in the brief second you and Jacob hugged that morning. When you scrolled and saw the next part, your heart dropped.

A shocking revelation of history: Y/INITIALS and SYJ used to date in freshman year. Does this have anything to do with the swimmer and basketball players always next to her?

You felt your breath caught in your throat as you read through the comments.

“Isn’t BJY on the volleyball team and SYJ on the baseball team?”

“Wow she clearly has a type.”

“I guess athletes just hit it well 👀”

“And here I thought KSW was the hoe… who’s playing with who?”

“Aye so KSW finally managed to break through her. Thanks for my $10 bro.”

“Aren’t the basketball players LJY and LJH? And the swimmer KYH? The Bermuda line, right?? I always thought she had a thing with one of them.”

“So much for the icy Y/INITIALS. She was acting all pretentious when she was already having all her fun.”

Juyeon grabbed the phone out of your hands and glared at Jaehyun. You never thought your past relationship would ever get exposed. There were only a handful of people who knew about it and it had stayed hidden under the rug up until now. It was something you wanted to bury and never think about ever again.

Shakily, you got up and ran out of the cafeteria with Younghoon calling out after you. You ran as fast as you could. You didn’t stop until you busted through the doors and collapsed on the rooftop. Your lungs were on fire and you closed your eyes to stop the ringing in your ears.

Meanwhile, Sunwoo was running across the school to find you. When he didn’t see you in the club room, he changed his target and sought out Eric.

“Is it true?” he demanded when he finally saw his friend.

“I can’t believe people already figured out that it’s me,” Eric sighed.

“Is it true?” Sunwoo repeated.

“Yes, yes, it’s true,” he answered with his hands up in defeat. “She never wanted anyone to find out. We didn’t exactly end on good terms. It’s something I’m not proud of.”

“What happened?” he asked, trying to contain his anger. “What did you do to her?”

“I…” Eric trailed off. “I cheated on her.”

“What the hell, Eric?” Sunwoo yelled.

“I-I was stupid! And young. It’s the biggest mistake I made in my life,” he admitted.

Frustrated, Sunwoo left and ran off in search of you again. When you weren’t anywhere to be found, he checked the rooftop as a last resort. He didn’t expect to actually see you there.

“Y/n,” he breathed. You felt a lump form in your throat. It was the first time he had addressed you by your name.

“Get away from me,” you glared. “Was I nothing but a bet to you? Was I just a challenge for you to win?”

“Y/n, I never placed bets on you. I don’t know what other people have been betting on but I have always been genuine with you,” he affirmed.

You refused to let your tears fall. There was no way Kim Sunwoo was going to see you cry.

“I like you,” he confessed. “I like you a lot. I meant to say this that night but got too flustered. So I wanted to tell you today. Whenever I see you, the butterflies in my stomach won’t go away. When I don’t see you, I miss you like crazy. You inspire me to become a better person and all I want to do is hold you and call you mine.”

And now Kim Sunwoo has officially seen you cry. He bent down to wrap his arms around you as you sobbed into his shoulder.

“You’re an asshole,” you mumbled after you calmed down.

“I think you mean the opposite,” he chuckled. “Whatever barriers you put up to protect yourself, I’m going to take them down one by one. With you. Together.”

“Who said I’m helping?” you muttered.

“Then I guess I have to work twice as hard to prove myself,” he softly smiled.

“This is embarrassing,” you groaned.

“This will only be embarrassing for me if you reject me,” his hand reached out to the nape of his neck. “So what do you say? Will you go out with me?”

“I’ll think about it,” you huffed, prompting a chuckle from him.

#deobiwritersnet #the boyz #sunwoo #the boyz sunwoo #the boyz fluff #sunwoo fluff #the boyz sunwoo fluff #the boyz imagines #sunwoo imagines #tbz fluff #tbz imagines #the boyz fic #sunwoo fic #tbz fic #the boyz scenarios #sunwoo scenarios #tbz scenarios #star player collab

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river-bottom-nightmare · 4 years ago

Text

Nightwing #80 Review

woot woot i’ve kept it up for three issues lets gooo. i liked this issue more than the last one. there’s a lot of fanon dick characterization peppered in, but not so much that it puts me off entirely. also, i’m getting increasingly concerned about bitewing. but i did like tim in this one, very nice

look at all the blue and purple and pink. honestly at this point, i’m a broken record but come on come on come onnnnnnn. the blue and pink is very pretty though. this cover’s a bit offputting at first, and a bit spiraly, which i’m sure was the intended effect.

this is a genuine concern of mine. dick’s a vigilante, and he doesn’t have the same sprawling network and resources that bruce does. (even if he is a billionaire now, he hasn’t amassed the same collection of crime-fighting equipment that bruce has.)

i’m not sure if he’ll be able to take care of bitewing. damian’s got plenty of pets, but alfred used to take care of them, and now bruce plus the rest of the batfam is taking care of them. as far as we know, babs only drops by occasionally, and the same goes for dick’s family and friends. will dick be able to give bitewing the love and time and affection that a traumatized puppy like her needs? i really hope so.

she does look adorable in this panel tho.

dick. richard. richie. baby. why are you shirtless.

you have scars upon scars. probably chemical burns. bullet wounds. weird fucking squiggly lines from knives that only psychos with blade fetishes use. no normal person has the body that you do. and you don’t think that showing up shirtless in front of the police is going to raise suspicion? you don’t think that the people accusing you of murder are going to look at someone who looks like they’re a fucking mob enforcer and go hmm that’s a bit suspicious?

put on a SHIRT jesus CHRIST it’s like you’re not even trying to hide your identity.

look at this pompous little princess demanding only the highest quality head pets i’d burn down latvia for her. (no offense latvians it was the first country that popped into my head.)

pretty boy pretty boy pretty boy pretty boy-

no seriously kudos to the artist here. his expression is so human i wanna cry. dick, right now, is sheepishly asking a question. he knows he’s not going to get into any real trouble, he knows that he’ll be able to talk his way out of or somehow maneuver his way off this mess. but he’ll play nice for the police, so he’s asking a friend for a favour, part self-condescendingly and part oh-well-what-can-you-do.

and his expression reflects that. rather than a stoic expressionless face most male comic characters have when asking someone for something (or all the time really), rather than the weird desperate supposedly “seductive” face that most female comic characters plus dick grayson have when asking someone for something (or all the time really), he’s making a face that i pulled like yesterday. or the day before that. it’s kind of silly, kind of casual, very much human. i like it.

thank god. proper (in character) acknowledgement for officer grayson. yea, fuck cops in general, but i like that they included this line.

obviously, he’s not talking about the actual criminals, he’s talking about the police force itself. the bpd was too corrupt, and dick realized that he wasn’t helping. not only does one clean cop not make a dent in an overall dirty force, but dick was putting his allies in danger too. not only that, but it wasn’t good for dick’s mental health either. he was spreading himself too thin, and surrounding himself with some of the worst of crime 24/7 did a number on him. dick’s got a history of self-sacrificing tendencies, and i’m just glad he’s not a cop anymore.

dick has a gotham rogues mug. they make gotham rogue mugs, and dick has one.

what kinda city looks at it’s frankly horrible crime history and long list of certifiably insane serial killers who are all still alive and actively committing war crimes and goes “oooooh yea imma put that on a coffee mug!” gotham, that’s who.

this isn’t important i just like how all of bitewing’s barks are blue

back straight, hand on his hip, cheerful smile on his face as he says he’s being accused for murder. love that for him.

they couldn’t have said “yea it’s complicated” in a better way even if they put the words “yea it’s complicated” right there on the page in bold red letters. literally all the love to the artists.

dick please. you’re KILLING ME what the actual fuck IS THAT???? WHY DO YOU HAVE A MUG OF THAT???

anyway nightwing collects novelty mugs confirmed.

this paneling is so beautiful.

tim’s the focus, but he’s not the first thing you see. he’s placed in a way that forces the reader to drag their eyes all the way up the page in order to reach him. it us know just how high up tim is carelessly crouching, especially close to the ledge of the building too. i cannot think of a single better way to introduce a character, and this character in particular: you instantly know this is a version of tim with plenty of experience and training, is comfortable in his body and knows his limits, but still hangs onto that civilian awe of being in a high place and overlooking a brightly lit city.

absolute classic robin. i love it.

this isn’t even that important but it made me happy. this is how you train surf.

you don’t crouch or bend over when you get to a tunnel, which is oddly enough what most people think (at least from my experience). you bend backward. that not only 100% ensures that you’ll make sure you’re low enough to make it through the tunnel (because you can see the top of the tunnel, unlike when you crouch or bend), but it also makes it easier to get up: all you have to do is push up with your arms into a bent stance, and you’ll be in a ready, moving position. from a bend or a crouch, getting up is more awkward and more slow.

on a meta level, i like that this creative team knows what they’re doing when it comes to the small, almost unimportant stuff like that, because it makes the action more real. (as real as you can get with a guy running around stealing hearts.)

on a in-universe level, it once again drives home both dick and tim’s experience and professional level skill.

regardless of who you side with in the “should tim drake be robin again?” debate, you gotta admit that tim’s rebirth robin suit is r a d as fuck. if i’m not mistaken, this is the same one he was wearing in 2019 young justice for a little bit? it’s cute and hella cool i like it.

remember what i said about human expressions? doesn’t happen as often to tim bc he’s a Child, but it’s still nice to note when someone humanizes him, too. (that’s why i love the duckboy panel so much lol.)

me, at first: that’s not a “good call” dick that’s just common sense

me, now: sprinkled throughout the entire comic we can see dick bending to tim’s instructions if only briefly, joking with him to keep the mood light while still maintaining a serious mood and retaining control over this particular outing. this implies that dick’s doing it intentionally, purposefully leaving places in his sentences blank and offering affirmations, in order to encourage tim and train him in things bruce might not necessarily touch on, such as social chameleoning and misdirection techniques and love/affirmation from a family member. dick is not only a loving and supportive big brother, but he never stops training his younger brother in better vigilante tecnhiques because he wants tim to be better than him. in this essay i will-

d o g g o

also bitewing is getting so many head pats today i’m living for it

look at him, standing on a telephone wire with ease. nice flex, dick.

also look at how he’s silhouetted. the moon’s full bright, bright enough that the sky around dick is light, too. (at least. i’m like 99% sure that’s the moon.) not like most batman comics, where it’s sometimes hard to distinguish bruce from the background, which is entirely on purpose.

gotham is a dark gritty city, and so is bruce. the two of them are one. bludhaven may be a bit of a mess, but it’s being portrayed in all these different shades of blue and purple and pink, that are all light enough that dick stands out from the background. he hasn’t been swallowed up by the city, and chances are that he won’t ever be. also, the colouring helps establish bludhaven as a city too. there’s still hope for it. the light colouring means that it’s not going to sink into a pit as deep as the one bruce wove gotham into. the whole point of this nightwing arc in particular is to turn bludhaven into a better place, and it’s (most likely) letting us know early on that dick is going to accomplish that. he’ll struggle, but he’ll do it.

so dick??? dick designed his escrima sticks with a situation like this in mind? he created his signature and most iconic weapon (other than his chatty mouth), with a built in feature that turns his escrima sticks into tim’s signature and most iconic weapon???? just so that if he and tim ever got into a situation where tim didn’t have his staff, dick could make sure tim had the thing that would give him an edge over anyone he was fighting??? he’s such a big brother oh my goddd.

also tim’s smirk in this is just *chef kiss.* a staff is something he can work with, a staff is something he wields like an extension of his arm, a staff is means that someone’s about to get their ass kicked because tim’s about to beat the shit outta them.

this is my new phone background.

they really made sure we remembered that hey, those first few months when bruce was grieving too much to be any sort of a mentor to tim and was still unwilling to properly train him to be robin out of fear that he would end up like jason, dick was the one who stepped up (once he got over himself and his own fears and hangups with bruce) and trained tim to be robin, trained him how to fight and flip and fuckin fly out there, all while changing his own style a bit to be the more experienced one in the partnership while still trusting said partner to hold their own, so dick and tim have a very unique and cohesive fighting style that makes it hell for anyone who fights them together, didn’t they?

#river thinks too hard #nightwing 80 #nightwing 80 spoilers #nightwing #dick grayson #tim drake #red robin #robin #nightwing 80 meta #nightwing meta #dick grayson meta #tim drake meta #red robin meta #robin meta #dc meta #dc

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epicene-humanoid · 4 years ago

Note

some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times.

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through).

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode.

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ”I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that.

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous.

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3

#community #jeff winger #trans jeff winger #GOD i'm gonna make a video essay about it if nobody stops me #yall know that youtube channel AreTheyGay? i want to be that but AreTheyTrans #the videos would just b like... jeff community. neo the matrix. bill and ted bill and ted. audrey little shop of horrors. jo little women.#maybe i should start that youtube channel sjdfklsj #thank you for prompting me to talk about this because i think about it twice a day #i might end up reblogging this and just adding different responses jeff has had to casually homophobic/transphobic things that happen #in the show #like the episode that last photo is from when the dean is like #'spring transfer student dance isn't rolling off the tongue so we're calling it The Tr@nny Dance!' 'much more greendale.'#OH AND ACCIDENTALLY KILLING PIERCE'S DAD!!! HOW DID I NOT MENTION THAT EARLIER SJFKLSJ #'you LITERALLY killed a father!' 'well not MINE dummy!!'#alright i need to do my homework now ajfklsdjfl

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