#anyway thinking about hel & the orphanage

[at-hauntrcss]

“can i tell you what i’m proudest of? the orphanage.”

- helena

[ars0nistalex]

Puzzles

a Meronia Oneshot

A/N: i got the idea for this story from @user-null!

Notice: this contains a few mentions of NSFW things but nothing graphic at all. also, caps lock warning; it does go into caps lock a few times but very occasionally

Outside, it rained.

Mello scoffed. He was standing by the window of his room, looking out at the grey world outside the orphanage. He really wanted to go outside today, unlike most days, but he knew Roger probably wouldn’t let him go out in that weather.

“Fuck you!” Mello yelled at the window, half-expecting a golden ray of sunshine to slice through the clouds and free the outside from the ties of the rain. But nothing happened, so he just scoffed again and stepped away from the window, giving up on whatever sorcery he was trying to pull. As he stepped towards the door of his room, he glanced into the mirror that was leaning up against the wall by the door. Just a few months ago, he would have been short enough to be able to look into the mirror and see his full body. But now, he stood several inches above it, only able to see his outfit when he looked into his reflection. He wasn’t wearing anything special today; just soft black pants and a grey sweater. He didn’t bother getting dressed into anything else; he knew he wouldn’t be able to go outside, anyway. He crouched and stared into the mirror at himself for another minute. He looked at the gold locks of his straight hair that reached to the point just above his shoulders; admired his lithe form and his 170-centimeter height; stared expressionlessly into his own sapphire eyes. To be honest, he thought he looked pretty damn good. But something was missing... his thoughts drifted to a certain 5’0” albino boy, the object of his affections, but he shook his head quickly, trying his best to just clear his head. He sighed, stood up, pulled his hood over his head and left the room.

As he left his room and stepped through the halls of Wammy’s House, his thoughts drifted away again as he walked the familiar path to Matt’s room. He thought of Near, the particular manner in which he carried out his daily activities, the snow-white color of his hair and the deep grey hue of his eyes, the specific way that he sat... almost everything about the boy was so angelic. Mello sighed deeply. He’d had feelings for Near for as long as he could remember, but had always tried so hard to suppress them and act like they didn’t exist. He had to compete against Near, anyway. The attraction would just get in the way if he wanted to get to the top. With that thought, Mello wondered what Near thought of him; he wondered if Near had the same feelings. The chances of that were low; they were always competing. And even with the small possibility that the younger one did like Mello back, this would just make the blond want to make it to the top even more. Not for hateful reasons, but he just really liked the thought of being above Near and dominating him...

The blond felt his whole face flush and shook his head quickly. He couldn’t think about that kind of stuff, not right now. He was about to go see Matt, and he knew that his friend wouldn’t like it if he walked in acting horny. Even though Matt would never shut up when it came to sexual jokes, the redhead never seemed comfortable with genuine sexual comments. It confused Mello, but he never commented on it. None of my business, he thought to himself as he reached Matt’s room, opening the door without even knocking.

“What?” Matt asked, not looking up from his gaming console. He was holding the device in both of his hands and laying in bed with all his blankets wrapped around his slim body.

“I’m bored!” Mello screeched, slamming the door behind him. He angrily stepped over to Matt’s bed, sitting down at the bottom and laying back. “Hang out with me.”

“I’m doing something.”

“I don’t care. I’m bored.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, then.”

“UGH!” Mello stood up and stomped towards the door. “I’ll just go hang out with someone else then!”

“K,” Matt said with a yawn. “I’ll tell you when I’m done with my games.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mello muttered as he slammed the door behind him.

Damn Matt! He thought to himself as he angrily stepped through the hallways again. I’ve never been more bored in my life! Why does he have to be binge gaming now?

The blond’s steps became heavier due to frustration. He had the urge to hit someone, which was the only way he was ever able to cope with his anger, but he knew deep down that it wasn’t good. And he didn’t want to get in trouble today. He was having a relatively decent day, despite the anger and boredom, and if he got in trouble, he would probably cry.

He really didn’t want to cry.

Mello suddenly realized that he had been subconsciously walking in the direction of Near’s room. He usually avoided the younger one’s room, but after thinking about it for some time, he realized that this presented a perfect opportunity to get a little bit closer to Near. He doubted that the boy was doing anything important. He was probably just playing with his toys or doing a puzzle or building some huge structure out of dominoes, as he was always doing. And anytime in the past that Near had ever asked Mello to play with him, the older of the two would shut him down and tell the “albino sheep” to go play by himself. Mello almost winced at the thought. For so long in the past, he had been so convinced that all he felt towards Near was hatred and jealousy. Only recently had he finally come to terms with himself and the feelings that he had ignored and denied for so many years. He wanted to at least try to make it up to Near, make up all of the awful words and things that he said and did in the past. He knew that it was basically impossible to make it all up, but maybe he could try to be a little nicer. That could help.

At this point, Mello was standing outside Near’s door. He exhaled deeply before lifting his hand and knocking on the door.

“Who is it?” Near’s soft voice emitted from inside the room.

“It’s me,” Mello replied. He knew that the other would be able to figure out who it was, just by the sound of his voice.

Near hummed softly. “Mello,” he greeted. “You can come in.”

“Near,” he reciprocated as he entered the room. His eyes landed on Near, who was sitting on the floor in his pajamas with a fluffy blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He was sitting with one knee pulled to his chest and was quickly doing a puzzle that was on the floor in front of him. Mello couldn’t help but smile; the boy was so adorable.

“Did you need something, Mello?” Near asked quietly.

“No,” the blond in question said defensively, crossing his arms.

“Well clearly, if you wanted to enter my room, you must want something,” the younger of the two said, not lifting his eyes from the puzzle. He lifted his finger and began to repetitively curl a lock of hair around it. “So I’ll ask again: did you need something, Mello?”

Fuck! He got me! Mello thought to himself, gritting his teeth. He stepped over to Near and stood beside him. He didn’t exactly know how he was going to say this, but he had to say something. “D-do you wanna hang out?” He asked quickly, squeezing his eyes shut.

Near dropped the puzzle piece he was holding and glanced up at Mello, a surprised look on his face. He stared at him for a few seconds before looking back down at the puzzle. “Yes,” he replied. “That sounds good to me.”

Mello’s eyes opened widely, looking even more shocked than the other boy did. “O-okay, sweet,” he replied quickly, plopping down beside Near. He sat with his legs criss-crossed and one of his knees was brushing up against the younger one’s leg, but neither minded. “What’re you doing?” 

That was a stupid question, Mello thought as soon as the words left his mouth. It’s obvious that he’s just sitting here doing a puzzle. What the hell am I thinking?

“I’m doing a puzzle,” Near replied simply as he put the last piece in its place. “I’m bored.”

Mello nodded, looking to the side slightly. “Just do something more entertaining then, I don’t know,” he muttered.

“I’m not the most entertaining person, Mello,” Near replied.

“Right,” the older one said with a yawn. “What do you wanna do, then?” He pulled a half-eaten chocolate bar from his pocket and peeled the wrapper back, quickly taking a large bite.

Near was silent for a minute, still twirling a lock of his hair around his finger. He then reached over to a drawer in a dresser beside him and pulled out a small box with a label that read, ‘1000-piece puzzle’. “I haven’t done this one yet,” the small boy explained quickly as he opened the box. He turned it upside down and poured all of the pieces onto the floor. “Would you like to help, Mello?”

“Sure, why not,” Mello replied, scooting a little closer to Near and leaning over to reach the puzzle pieces.

For the next few minutes or so, the two sat in silence and worked on the puzzle together. It wasn’t awkward silence, though; it was a comfortable silence. They were both enjoying themselves, and Mello noticed that he felt more relaxed and content than he had in a while. Maybe he should hang out with Near more often.

The blond stopped working on the puzzle for a minute, taking a second to just stare at Near in amazement. He’s beautiful. No, perfect. An angel, really. Mello thought to himself. There’s stardust and butterflies in his big gray eyes, his voice is soft like dandelions and honey. Even if I compared him to the brightest star in the night sky or the most beautiful diamonds in the world or all the colors in auroras, no words would be able to capture his beauty. A lot of people say they’d die for the object of their affections, but I’d live for Near. I want to be beside him through all of his battles and I want to repair the parts of him that others—that I—have foolishly and carelessly broken.

“Do you need something, Mello? You’re staring at me,” Near murmured. He looked up at Mello with his big and curious eyes. Mello smiled softly and couldn’t help but wonder what those porcelain lips would feel like to touch or kiss, or how perfectly those small and fragile hands would fit inside his.

“Nah, nothin’.” Mello leaned back against the bed, meeting eyes with Near for a minute. “I was just looking at you. Like you said.”

“I see,” the boy said. “Do I have something on my face?”

“Pffft, no,” Mello said with a giggle. He reached his hand over and cupped Near’s cheek. The smaller one’s face flushed deeply and his eyes widened in surprise.

“Mello?” he asked. It was all he could bring himself to say.

“You’re kinda pretty, y’know,” Mello stated, still looking into Near’s eyes. “I think we’re both kinda pretty.”

“Yes, I agree, however...” Near lifted his hand up slowly and grabbed onto Mello’s, that was still cupping his cheek. “...I don’t understand.”

Mello’s grin widened as a bright ray of golden sunlight sliced through the grey expanse of clouds in the sky outside. The light illuminated the room beautifully, making Near’s eyes glitter as they stared intently into Mello’s. The older boy softly and slowly wrapped an arm wound Near’s waist, pulling the small one to sit between his legs. The younger boy’s head leaned against Mello’s chest and the blond held his arm tightly around Near.

“Maybe you will someday.”

[reylo-is-strong-in-this]

Can you write a scene in a soulmate AU? I just love that dynamic, don't worry about your grammar I'm sure It will be fantastic.

Thank you so much!

It’s not good, but I really do hope you enjoy it.

I tried to write it in Canon-verse, but somehow i just couldn’t.

Rey used to be fascinated by the idea of soul marks when she was young. Growing up in an orphanage with no one there for you tended to make a girl daydreamed about her very own prince charming. She used to spend hours imagine how their first encounter would be like. She had always been an optimist, according to people around her.But when her soul mark appeared on her wrist on her first day as a barista in a coffee shop near her college, she couldn’t help but cringed.‘BENJAMIN SOLO, 31 Oct, 1990’The name was not common enough for her to think it could’ve been someone else, but the TA from her history class was just so…awkward. He kept to himself and rarely ever spoke, she just found it hard to believe the universe would pair her up with someone so…dull.It didn’t help that soul marks are exclusive for female either. She couldn’t tell if he was interested in her at all, or if he knew that they were soulmates. He just came in the coffee shop daily for coffee and stayed at the table in the deepest corner of the shop, never said anything to her more than a coffee order.Triple-shot espresso with no sugar, like his aura was not gloomy enough.She sighed, whipped her cell phone out to check for e-mails and text messages. It was a slow afternoon and she was bored out of her mind. She just hoped the person she texted last night responded.‘I don’t think she even know I exist.’A small smile crept on the face as she read the text.Kylo Ren was an exact opposite of Ben Solo, this friend she only met online was charming, lovely, and had a wicked sense of humor that always cheered her up on her bad days. She had been talking to Kylo for the past three years since she joined an e-mail pal program her orphanage organized. They made her used a pen name in order to make her more comfortable to open up with a faceless stranger, from then on, she was Kira, a normal girl with a normal friend whom she had never met.Not that she minded though. It was easier for her to keep her crush on Kylo a secret when he couldn’t see her face.Especially when he was head over heels in love with some girl that did not even acknowledge his existence.Rey kept telling herself that it was for the best they hadn’t met, Kylo had someone out there who rightfully belonged to him, she couldn’t have him no matter how much she wanted to.And she was stuck with Ben Solo.‘Don’t say that. I’m sure she is well aware of you existence.’She typed. Kylo mentioned on several occasion how tall he was. Rey liked to imagine resting her head on his broad chest and listening to the steady beats of his heart.‘It’s not fair. Why are girls allowed to know who she’s gonna spend the rest of her life with and I’m stuck in this stupid guessing game?’She could sense irritation from his text. Clearly Kylo was having a bad day.‘Maybe you choose try and talk to her. Maybe she IS your soulmate, but she is to shy to tell you that.’It pained her to play cupid for a guy her had feelings for, but it wouldn’t be right to tell him to give up. She just want Kylo to be happy.‘She covered her wrist with a huge ass wristband and looked at me like I insulted her father every time we met. I really doubt that’s the case.’“Oh. You poor thing.”She mumbled, resisting the urge to ask him for this bitch’s location and hailed a cab there to knock some sense into her.Rey looked down at her own covered wrist, maybe she was not the one to talk.‘Try to break the ice. Start a conversation. Who knows, you might get a good friend out of this.’She tried to cheer him up. Some woman chose to stay single or marry someone who was not her soulmate and stay friends with the guy who was chosen for her by the universe. It was a rare occasion, but not entirely impossible.‘You know what? I might try that. I mean, it’s not like I’m asking her to marry me, right? Just…wanna talk…’Kylo also did mention in the past that he was not as good at interacting with people as he seemed to be with her. At first Rey didn’t think much of it, but it’s been three months and Kylo still just follow this girl around like a lovesick puppy without so much as a glance from her. Maybe she needed to step in before Kylo did something stupid and sent the girl running.‘What do you plan on talking to her about? You know any of her interests?’Rey typed. ‘Coffee…Plants…Books… I’m pretty sure they are something along that line.’Simple enough.‘Start with something broad, see if she is interested in the topic. You can do it, Kylo.’ She hesitated, then typed. ‘If it didn’t work out. You still have my shoulder to cry on.’‘I really wish you were here.’She smiled at the text, before looking up when she heard a cough. “Umm…”Ben Solo was standing right in front of her. The poor lad looked like he hadn’t sleep in days. But even with that deep shadow under his eyes and his quiet personality, he still was a very attractive man.She just wish he would be more…Kylo.“Yes, sir. How can I help you?” She forced a smile onto her face. Even if Ben had done nothing to her, his mere presence was more than enough to make her felt uneasy.“Do you know that if you drink two cups of coffee daily, you will decrease your risk of committing suicide by 50%” Rey blinked at him. She had no idea how to respond to that.“Umm. 1 cup of triple shot espresso, please.”It was his second cup of the day, so she couldn’t help herself but asked.“Are you trying to lower your suicide risk?”“….”He just stared at her awkwardly. So Rey continued to do her work and just ignore him as usual.When Ben was gone, she picked up her phone again.‘I screwed up. Now she thinks I’m a weirdo!’‘Well, at least she know you exist.’ Rey didn’t dare ask what he said to that girl.‘I wish I was born like 80 years earlier. You know, back in the day, my grandfather just told my grandma he hated sands, and the next thing he knew they were having twins.’‘You father must have been very hot.’ That was all she could reply.‘He was.’‘How about you pretend to bump into her. Or drop something for her to pick up. You know, like a proper high class lady you are.’ She teased. Suddenly, a sound of a coffee cup shattering the floor caught her attention. She almost rolled her eyes when she saw Ben knelt down to pick up the pieces.“Let me do it.” She told him and knelt down beside the tall figure. They were so close she could feel the burn of her soul mark, begging for her to tell him he was the one.“Sorry.” He mumbled. His voice sounded  deeper when  he was close. He looked nervous and guilty.It made him seemed a little more approachable somehow, and for a moment, Rey even thought that expression was rather cute.“No problem.”Rey said, looked away from Ben’s face. It was her job to clean up after customer anyway.When she got back to her phone, there were tons of texts waiting for her.‘Nope. Didn’t work.’ ‘And I pretty sure she hates me now.’‘Kira. Do you think it’s time we actually meet up?’‘I could really use a friend right now.’Rey felt her heart slamming into her rib cage. They had talked about meeting up from time to time, but it just didn’t feel right. Even calling each other on the phone didn’t feel right, so they stuck with texting ever since.But she sensed that Kylo really could use a shoulder to cry on right now.‘Sure. I’m working part time in a coffee shop right now. I’ll sent you a location.’She knew Kylo was near by. He mentioned working in this area after quit from his mother’s company.‘What?’That was the only thing the test said after he got her location.‘What’s what?’ She typed, and that was when her phone rang.Kylo names flashed across the screen, considering how long she had his number, this should not be surprising to her, but she couldn’t help but swallowed at the thought of hearing Kylo’s voice for the first time.“Hel- Hello?”“Kira?”His voice sounded shocked, shaken, and very, very Ben Solo.Rey looked up from the counter. Ben Solo was staring at her with his mouth wide open. Rey couldn’t do anything but staring back with exactly the same expression.“Ky- Kylo?”He hung up the phone, walking straight to her. Rey should have run. She should have said something.Instead, she just froze.Kylo bit his lower lip. His eyes dropped to the wristband on her wrist.“I’m sorry. I should have gotten the clue.” He pointed at her wrist. “He is a lucky guy.”“I-”Rey couldn’t wrapped her mind around the thought. It has never occurred that they could be the same person.“You are…different from what I pictured.” That  was all she could mutter. and she regretted it the second it left her mouth.“Yeah. I’m kind of a freak in real life.” He scratched his neck, heat crept from his face to his neck and ears.And somehow, Rey found that quite adorable.“Don’t say that.”She said, slowly  pulling her wristband off her wrist. “You are not a freak.”His eyes widen as he saw the name written across her wrist, branded her as his by the universe.But instead of being happy, Kylo just looked hurt.“Am I that much of a disappointment that you chose to cover up my name and pretend I don’t exist?”“What? No!” Rey cried. she bit her lower lip,  and decided to answer him honestly. “When your name appeared. I was already in love with someone else.”Kylo looked like he just got punched in the stomach. “He was my first friend, my only friend, the only person in this world who gave a damn whether I lived or died.” She looked into his eyes, and continued. “We fit together. When I talked to him I felt like I wasn’t alone. Like no matter how far away he was, he was still right there for me.”Kylo just looked confused, which make her confession harder than  it already was.Rey sighed.“I fell in love with him even without knowing his real name, what he looked like, or what he sounded like.” She smiled softly. “Well, not until today, at least.”Kylo’s face looked almost comical when he came to realization of what she just said. His face broke into a smile for the very first time, and Rey felt her heart beating rapidly inside her chest.“I…” She blushed, looked down to her feet when she talked to him. “I don’t like sand.”She heard a soft chuckled forming in his throat. Man, she could listen to that sound all her life.“Careful there, I heard having twins is a lot of work.”“How about we grab something to eat first?” She relaxed. That was Kylo she knew.“Sure, and on our way back to the campus we can pick up some onesies for the twins. You can’t be too prepared.”“Shut up, Ben.” Rey smiled.“See, we aren’t even married and you already know how to boss me around.” He teased. “Oh. And I have one more question?”“Yeah?” “What’s your name?”

[imgilmoregirl]

A Rose of the Forbidden Love

AO3 Link

Notes: Oh, God, I'm back! I'm so sorry for the lack of update, writer's block had taken me.

Chapter Sixteen

She was wearing black, but that morning at the church, everybody was. Rose wasn’t sure if she wanted to stand near the rest of the family or if it would be right for her to do it, as she wasn’t even a recognised relative of the Gold’s, but as soon as Adam saw her, he walked straight towards Rose and pulled her into a tight hug. For a long moment, she didn’t know what to do. She had hugged him many times before, but ever since Rosalie found out she was his daughter, she didn’t allow herself to look for him again.

People were staring at them and all she could do was to hide her face on his shoulder and breath in. He was suffering and even though she was still conflicted about her past, Rose couldn’t deny the fact that she liked Adam Gold very much and that he had been the father she needed ever since he found her, so she held him close and let him stay by her side during the whole funeral. Rosalie only left her father’s side when Belle appeared and she excused herself outside, where she met up with Neal.

They talked for a while about his new apartment and how happy he was to be finally able to bring Emma and their son to the town. Rose made plans of having lunch with them once they were settled and they watched as Fiona was finally buried before he offered himself to take her home. Neal dropped her at her building and Rose climbed up the stairs to her flat, finding her best friend cradling her daughter.

"Two funerals in the same week… It must be a record," Sabine said as she fell on the couch with a sigh.

Izzy was nestled on her arms, sucking at her own fist and blinking her deep brown eyes at her mother, Rose smiled at her reaching to take the baby from her friend's arms and kiss the top of her head. From all the madness of the last year and a half, little Isabelle was the best thing that had ever happened to her and she wouldn't change one thing about the past if it was to have her there.

"Yeah, at least I got some time to spend with Izzy."

No one was working on the company, in respect of Ivy's memory and Rose took the week to stay with her daughter a bit, while trying to help Roland cope with his wife's death. He still felt guilty and the messages Victoria Belfrey kept sending him didn't help with anything. Sabine brought a basket full of muffins from the kitchen and placed it on the coffee table for them, making Rose sigh happily. She was hungry and couldn't wait to bet a bit, but she was interrupted by the knock on the door.

"Is Roland coming over?" Sabine asked.

"No," Rose said. "I'm not expecting anyone."

Sabine arched and eyebrow at this, but moved to the door anyway, opening it to let out a loud squeal as she threw her arms around the woman behind it.

"Jacinda," she screamed. "Oh my God, I was missing you like crazy."

At the sound of this, Rose stood up looking at the two girls standing in there, happily holding each other and she quickly made her way to them, pushing Sabine aside to huge Jacinda too,

"I called you for months and you ignored me, silly girl."

"I know,” the Latina said, pulling away to glance down at her face. “Don't you hate me?"

"What? Never," Rose guaranteed. "You're just not allowed to play the nanny again."

Jacinda laughed, her eyes moving to the baby girl Rosalie was holding and handed to her. Of courses she knew she was never going to be alone with little Izzy, but it was good to know Rose didn’t resent her.

"In this case I'm glad to be home."

The days at the company were both a blessing and a pain for her. Rose loved her work, she loved to talk with her friends and plan for the next fashion show, what she didn’t like however was having to see her mother every day. She always saw in Belle’s eyes that she ached to have a conversation with her, but Rose didn’t feel ready for that, not even after Fiona confessed all the things she did and that eventually made Belle give her away.

There was this huge part of her, the one attached at her childhood memories, that made her feel the pain all over again whenever she thought about the many nights she spent crying, wishing she had a family. Someone – anyone – that would care for her. It was tormenting to keep thinking about that, so Rose just didn’t, she spent most of her time with Roland, trying to help him somehow, while they settled things in their apartment.

It was Sunday night and they were building up some new furniture, Rose sat on the floor, working with a few pieces of wood as he finished his work, adjusting a drawer to her dresser.

“I need to say,” he started, “I’ve never seen Henry look as happy as he did when Jacinda called him to say she was back.”

“I feel bad that I was the reason Jacinda felt like she needed to leave,” Rosalie said, trying to understand which piece went where.

A chuckle left Roland’s mouth as he sat by her side and took the wood from her hands, nailing it to the bigger slab without much effort. Rose definitely hadn’t been born for this kind of work, she’d modelling, or selling stuff, or anything else that did not involve building furniture.

“She lost Izzy, babe, this is not exactly a forgivable thing.”

“Yeah, but she is my friend and Izzy is fine now,” Rose pointed out with a little smile coming up to her lips. “Chubby, giggling and perfect.”

“In fact, she is.”

Although he was smiling, Roland’s eyes were fixed in an invisible point. She knew that look very well by now, it was the same he always wore when he was lost in thoughts. Dark thoughts, she needed to add. Rosalie reached to touch his forehead, brushing the hair away so she could call for his attention, making his dark-brown eyes look up at hers – some shades lighter.

“Rol, is Victoria still bothering you?”

“No, she stopped calling,” he told her. “I feel bad about Ivy, Rose, I really do, but I can’t spend my life blaming myself because of what she did, I need to start over with the family that should have been mine from the start.”

She nodded, pulling him into her embrace, kissing his cheek and letting him hold onto her as if she was his salvation. Rose loved him so very much that she wanted to take all of his pain away and, for a second, she wondered if what her parents felt, was the same. Was her mother so in love with her father that she would do anything for him? Had she, someday felt the same unconditional bond to her as she did to Izzy?

“We are going to do this Roland and we will do this right this time,” Rose promised him. “The three of us.”

He pulled away from her, just enough so he could cup her face in his hands and press an endearing kiss to her lips.

Rose was late for dinner with Neal’s family. It was all Alice’s fault. She had spent way too much time trying on new make-up styles on her, which meant they run late for the photoshoot and it just made the whole day a bit more complicated to her. Alone in the dressing room, she pulled on her jeans and t-shirt before reaching for the dress she had wore earlier, rushing to take it to Jessy, the girl who run their laundry section, when she heart the door opening behind her and realised that Belle was standing there.

She turned around very slowly, not feeling really ready for it. Rose and Belle had been balancing around each other for too long now and whenever Belle tried to approach, Rosalie would step away – ran away, actually. What Fiona said, had made her rethink the way she had been treating her mother lately, but although Rose didn’t want to be rude with her anymore, she also didn’t want to talk. The long, tense silence between them wasn’t something she wanted to break, but apparently, her mother did.

“Do you know what I thought when I first saw you? That you were perfect,” Belle started. “Both times. And in the second one I didn’t even know you were my daughter.”

Shaking her head, she considered walking pass Belle and simply leaving – she was really late by now.

“I didn’t want to give you up, Rose. I know you must feel like I was mad and cruel, because now you’re a mother yourself and I’m sure that you look at your beautiful daughter and wonder how someone could leave behind something so precious like that,” she told her. “But you don’t know poverty. You may have grown in an orphanage, but you always had food on the table and clothes to wear, I didn’t. We were living in the worse conditions a human being can find itself.”

Rose swallowed hard at these words. The orphanage wasn’t the best place in the world, but at least it was something, she had a bed to sleep on and the nuns were really kind most of the time. She didn’t have a family, but Rose never knew the reality her mother talked about either.

“I – I’ve never considered that.”

Belle’s lips tightened as she traced the line of her arm with a finger. Her blue eyes were sad, the colour getting darker in the yellow lights of the room, almost matching the tone of the blouse she wore.

“I couldn’t afford to buy anything. I was starving, the winter had arrived and you couldn’t stop crying because you were cold and this thin white blanket I had wasn’t enough to keep you warm,” Belle continued. “We were both going to die and as much as I had accepted my fate, I couldn’t bear to think such an innocent life would be lost so little after it begun. I wanted you to live, so I gave you away.”

“You’re rich now. It seems you’ve worked things out,” Rose remarked.

The brunette nodded at her. The way she spoke in such a broken, suffocated voice made Rosalie’s blood feel cold in her veins. She was actually pitying Belle, because she couldn’t imagine herself going through the same thing with Izzy. Her baby was so small and hopeless that living in a dirty place with nothing to eat was simply unacceptable.

“I did, but it took me time and most nights I went to bed with an empty stomach. No tears left to cry,” the mother said. “Then I met this guy, Gaston. I didn’t love they way I love Adam, but he was nice to me and he helped me to become who I am today. He promised that if I found you, he would treat you like his own daughter.”

“And why… Why didn’t you look for my real father?” Rose questioned. “He could have helped if you told him you were with child.”

“He had gone to Italy, Rose. It is not easy to find someone who is living in another country, even more if you don’t have a penny to spend in your quest.”

Taking a deep breath, Rosalie nodded, clutching at the dress she was holding.

“I can’t understand what you’ve been through because I have never been in your place, but I know I would do anything to protect my daughter. Even if it killed me inside.”

Her mother waved her head positively and she considered saying something else, but it wasn’t the right time and Neal was waiting for her, so she just left.

Roland was having a talk with Neal while Emma helped Henry to finish his dinner and Rose fed Izzy with a bottle of formula. She was reclined on an armchair, eyes focused on her baby’s face when she heard steps coming from behind them, but she didn’t need to look up to know who it was. They had barely talked during that night and Rose was feeling rather awkward with it, but she didn’t know what to say to Gold when he kept looking at her as if he was expecting her to suddenly come to accept everything.

She was trying. Slowly, but she really was, however pressure wasn’t going to help with anything. He didn’t say anything though, as he took a seat on the couch near her, nervously tapping his fingers to his ankle.

“I didn’t know you’d be here, child. Neal didn’t tell me,” he said, sincerely.

“Yeah, he didn’t tell me either,” Rose sighed. “But he is a nice friend who’s trying to help us… I wanted you to know, that I’m not angry with you. I’m actually very happy that we met. You’re a good father to me.”

Gold blinked away some tears, reaching out a hand to stroke her face.

“Thank you, sweetheart. That’s just what I needed to know,” Adam smiled fondly at her, making Rose’s heart warm up. “Can I hold my grandchild?”

Rosalie nodded and handed the baby to him, watching as he kissed her daughter’s forehead so affectionally and deciding that if he had known from the start, then he would have been the most wonderful father that she could have ever asked for.

[storiesofwildfire]

So, a few days ago, I was talking to @weightofmyshield about what would happen if and when Loki and Steve decided to have children, and I ended up going on a really long tirade about Loki’s views on having more children and potentially getting pregnant again.

I felt like it would make a really nice headcanon (plus, it’s a pretty important part of Loki’s life), so I decided to write something up about it.

For anyone who has read my bio, you probably know that Loki has five children, four of which are biological and one is adopted. Loki gave birth to Sleipnir first, then unofficially adopted an orphan by the name of Saga, then gave birth to triplets, Jörmungandr, Fenrir, and Hel. To learn more about their conceptions and how they came into the world, please feel free to take a look at my about page. It’s all covered in there.

Anyway, both of Loki’s pregnancies were extremely hard. The triplets nearly resulting in Loki’s death because of how strenuous it actually was. For that reason, Asmund, Loki’s personal healer, begged Loki to terminate the pregnancy, but Loki refused, insisting that it was more important for the children to survive than anything else. Loki was, more or less, bedridden for most of the second pregnancy, sedated for the majority of the time just to deal with the pain and physical stress, and went into labor a couple of months early. Sleipnir’s pregnancy was similar, but not nearly as life-threatening.

For this reason, a lot of people--usually Loki’s close friends or male parents who may eventually want Loki to carry their child--think that Loki is afraid of having children again. 

In reality, Loki is afraid of having children, but not because of the physical stress it would put his body through. No, Loki’s okay with the consequences of getting pregnant. Especially since most pregnancies that Loki will face will be with other Aesir, humans, or a humanoid species that wouldn’t result in an offspring that would do too much damage to the body. 

What Loki’s really afraid of is going through another pregnancy alone. 

Both Sleipnir and the triplets were products of magic gone awry. They weren’t planned. They weren’t conceived through standard means. The circumstances were, more or less, thrust upon the God and he had only his healer, Asmund, to help him through it. He didn’t have a lover. There was no father of the child by his side, anxiously awaiting the arrival of a baby. There was no one there to help him take care of the kids, no one there to love him while he struggled through the pregnancies, and no one to tell him that it was going to be okay and that it was all going to be worth it.

For that reason, Loki’s terrified of having another unplanned pregnancy, not because of the physical consequences, but because of the idea of having to do it again, all by himself.

Loki’s taken to keeping himself magically infertile, determined that another unplanned child will not disrupt his life no matter the circumstances.

But that’s not the only thing that Loki fears about having more children.

In truth, Loki loves kids. It’s not just his own children that he has a great love for, but all children. Loki regularly visits orphanages and spends time with children around the court just because he likes making them smile and laugh. He helps them wherever he can and if he ends up in a longterm relationship with someone that he truly loved, more often than not, he develops a deep-rooted desire to have at least one child with that person. Usually more than one.

At the same time, Loki is actually terrified of having more children, even if he’s sure there will be someone at his side. It all roots back to Odin and his treatment of his eldest children. Sleipnir, by far, was treated with the most kindness and he was turned into Odin’s personal war steed, who he rode into battle without regards to the fact that Sleipnir was his grandson and could potentially die.

The other three? They were ripped away from Loki at an age much too young to be away from their mother and separated from one another as well. Hel was banished to Helheim and forced to rule over the unworthy dead. Jörmungandr was banished to Midgard. And Fenrir, the one that Odin seemed to fear the most, was imprisoned in an unknown location that even Loki couldn’t uncover. His children were deemed as monsters before they’d ever done anything monstrous. His children were judged and mistreated and abused because their true forms weren’t normal and they bared the name Loki.

Loki nearly killed Odin the night the triplets were taken from him, and because of how horribly the triplets were treated, Loki’s terrified of subjecting more children to that horror and he’s half-convinced that any child he has will be harmed in a similar manner.

Despite all of that, Loki really does love being a mom. 

Even in relationships where he’s the biological father, he often takes on the role of being a motherly figure, because his maternal instinct is so high.