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bubsthebee · 4 years ago

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Can’t Say It.

Aizawa x Reader

Word Count: 3,541

A/N: Fluff, dragged out but it’s a happy ending. One shot. Age difference (9 years) Reader is 22 while Aizawa is 31. Mentions of alcohol.

Reader is a young teacher at UA who has a unique relationship with Pro Hero and coworker Eraserhead. After a while of getting to know each other, will they realize their feelings? OR will they let self doubt get in the way.

CHARACTER REPORT

Position: UA SCHOOL ADMINISTRATION

Job Description: Quirk Analysis and Evaluation Processing.

Name: (L/N), (F/N) Power: 2/5 D Intelligence: 4/5 B

Birthday: (5/10) Speed: 2/5 B Cooperativeness: 5/5 A

Age: 22 Technique: 5/5 S

Sex: Female (She/Her)

Quirk: Analysis

-(Y/N) is able to instantly analyze a person and their abilities after observing them, familiarizing themselves with their qurik. This also includes evaluating/predicting situations with higher than average accuracy. With this ability, she can use this information with or against a subject. She can keep up to three peoples' worth of information perfectly memorized at a time. Anymore, her analysis starts to create more errors and her accuracy decreases.

Ever since (y/n) started working at UA, everyone knew that Aizawa’s single streak was in danger.

While the scruff chined 1-A homeroom teacher taught his bustling young hero course, she supported the admin staff! Specifically falling under processing and evaluating every student's quirk and how to help progress their potential. This means every homeroom teacher ran their notes and evaluations about their students through her every quarter, possibly more depending on how active and intense their training has been. She and her small team are a key to the school’s successful hero and support course. No matter how a quirk was used, they would find the best way to help them improve it.

Classroom 1-A currently holds the record for most updates and changes to analysis (surprise). With an increase in updates, (y/n) has spent more sleepless nights making sure her work was perfect than she originally thought she was going to. Not that she minded of course! She was young, and found that it helped drive her to improve her passions and skill. Besides her administrative work, she also works as a substitute teacher for English, and Hero Strategy lessons twice a semester. If needed she is more than happy to help with summer lessons.

Aizawa has had more than his fair share of interaction with the young lady, more than others if one was keeping track. After the hero noticed (y/n)’s sleepless nights because of his students, he offered to stay and bring her coffee. When (y/n) noticed extra heavy bags under his eyes, there would be a nicely wrapped lunch on his desk with a cute thank you note in return.

Over time a unique relationship developed between the two that anyone looking in could clearly see. Including the students.

“Mr Aizawa! Your lady friend left ya another lunch, you’re so LUCKY.” Denki and Mineta whined without hesitation.

“Why don’t we get cute lunches made by cute girls?”

“Shut up! That’s Ms. (L/n) you’re talking about, not some side chick you dumbos. I think it’s really sweet.” Mina cooed alongside some of the other girls.

Their homeroom teacher could only sigh, carefully tucking away the lunch box into his work desk as he partially ignored their scattered comments. “Lucky or not, you all should have your notes out and study. Your test scores from last week clearly tell me I haven’t given enough in class work time. Do I have to cut down on our outside training hours?” The instant shuffling of paper and pencils brought a small smirk to his face. Nothing got his students off his back faster than less training hours. As he took attendance and organized his schedule, the small peeks at the lunch box reminded him about his last encounter with his….coworker.

“Midoriya is such a strange boy you know? I’m surprised his quirk doesn't instantly tear his body apart every time he uses it. I’m glad he’s getting a handle on it, I hated seeing him hurt himself so often.” You were sat cross legged in your office chair, typing away at your laptop underneath a bright desk lamp.

“I agree, he needs to learn how to use his body with his quirk.”

“Exactly!- Well, it looks like his rate of injuries compared to training has decreased. Based off of Recovery Girls records, his quirk usage deteriorated his arm muscle effectiveness. This means he’s got to either limit his usage on his arms, or learn how to use the rest of his body to compensate.” Rubbing your eyes shifted your reading glasses off of your face, exposing the bags that were starting to grow underneath them.

“You shouldn’t be getting such heavy bags under your eyes like that, you’re too young for those (L/n).” He always notices them, no matter how well hidden.

“Ya, okay GRAMPS. You’re not that much older than me and YOUR eyes are just as bad, if not worse. And call me (y/n), we’re friends aren't we?”

Rolling his eyes, Aizawa gets up with a huff to pour some coffee from the nearby coffee pot. “Midoriya is your last report tonight right? Go home, you’ve got Hero Strategy classes tomorrow.” as if on cue, he hands you the cup of warm coffee while you reach out for it with a quiet “Thank you”.

The way you hold the cup in your hands and let the warm steam brush against your face leaves him staring at you with a soft look.

“I guess I could leave a little earlier than I thought....” blowing cool air onto the coffee, you slowly take a sip of the warm beverage. Every time you see that look on his face, you can’t help but wonder what he’s feeling.

After a short while, you both clean up and close the office up. It’s 1 AM and both of you are more than ready to get at least a few hours of sleep in. Like usual, he walks you halfway to your home before bidding his own goodbye.

“Goodnight (L/n).” As Aizawa turns to walk away, he feels a small tug at his sleeve.

“I uh-” Turning to look around, he sees you with pinker cheeks underneath a streetlight. How do you always look so...nice? No matter the light you always look nice.

You slowly slid your hand down his arm to gently hold onto his hand. It was so soft, not just the hold but your skin. You couldn't even look at him but your voice was clear as day.

“Thank you, for staying with me. I know how tired you must be too….so I feel honored that you decide to spend your important time with me- er, to help me. You’re a great teacher and man Aizawa. Good night.” Just as quick as the moment had started, your touch was gone and you made your way home.

He was alone, yet he could still feel your touch on his skin. Aizawa stood there for minutes, looking at his hand in awe and strange curiosity. His coworkers and friends told him multiple times, “You two aren’t a thing?”, “It’s obvious that you fancy her Shouta.”,

“She has to feel the same, you don’t see how she looks at you when you aren’t paying attention.”

The school bell alerting the start of their first class was what pulled Aizawa out of his mind, looking up to see (y/n) walk into the class with your information tablet. ‘Ah, right. Hero Strategy.’ “Good Morning class! Great to see you all again.” She was chipper as always, her makeup easily covering her endeavors from the night before. The young teacher wore simple black tights with her training sweat jacket, everyone murmured in excitement because this meant that there would be out of class training and demonstrations Rubbing his exhaustion from his face, the black haired male stands up to go stand near (y/n). “You all have ten minuets to change and get to the field. Any longer and you’ll be stuck in cleaning duty for the week.”

Iida is quick to stand and grab his fellow classmates attention. “Quickly but in order, please gather your things and head to the gym! No RUNNING!” As valiant as his efforts were, everyone rushed out of the class in fear of being put into the cleaning crew while it was out of their turn.

The small smile he saw on your face was sobering, calmly following behind you as you made your way to the gym.

Usually, Aizawa would sneak into his sleeping back and nap during other teachers' lessons. These ones were different for him. He would sit off to the side and observe how you worked with the kids.

While some students could take simple suggestions and immediately apply them, others needed physical examples. You were more than happy to adapt to all their needs as they all trained with their new plans and teachers notes. While Tokoyami nodded and talked with Dark Shadow about your observations, Uraraka carefully mimicked your moves as you slowly countered her attacks explaining how they affected her opponent's momentum even more.

He knew you were a natural when it came to children and hero work. The obvious proof was right in front of him. That and he was nine years older than you, yet you both were doing almost the exact same job. That's where everything starts to blur for him.

After a quick practice round with Shoji, a rundown with Bakugo about his quirk usage along with Midoriya and the rest of the class, their first class of the day was over.

The rest of the day went normal, and (Y/n) left to finish the rest of her lessons while Aizawa did the same.

After a long week, you were more than happy to have the weekend to yourself, or so you thought.

Incoming Call: Keigo <(‘v’)>

“Keigo?”

“Hey tiny, sorry to bother but I felt like I should call in and see how you were doing.”

“I’m fine, just getting ready to watch some movies and order take in. Had a long week. You?”

“Gonna be heading out to an event soon! Glad to hear you're doing good. Any luck with your crush on the office grandpa?”

You roll your eyes as you wiggle yourself into more blankets, clicking through the different documentaries you could find on YouTube.

“I don’t have a crush on Aizawa, and even IF I did he is NOT a grandpa. He would probably want someone closer to his age anyway. The whole life experience gap and everything.”

“Yeah okay, whatever. Don't get mad at me when you realize I’m right and you're missing out on not being single anymore.”

“You’ll be the first person I call when you’re actually right. ” “Ouch-”

“Pfft, talk to you later Kei. I have an hour long video about the origin of heroes and it’s calling my name.”

“Bye bye!”

No matter how relaxed you were or how interesting the documentary was, you couldn't get you know who out of your mind. Could you have a crush on Aizawa Shouta? Silver Fox hero of the night? Grumpy man who likes taking naps in the middle of the day? You couldn’t lie, he was attractive and his personality was more than pleasant to you at least. It always felt like something was there between you two..between late night talks and having lunch together sometimes. It felt like there was a connection, and the only thing keeping you two from connecting was a waterfall of hesitation and doubt.

“Whatever…”

“WoooOO! Staff Party, this is gonna be a blast Listeners! Present Mic here to keep your evening thrilling with an amazing music selection!”

Upbeat music with minimal words played through the old speakers of a rented out ballroom. It was the end of the first semester staff party, everyone was dressed semi formal with their hair done nicely and makeup to match. The decorations were nice, and tables were laid out with food, drinks and chairs to relax and chat.

Aizawa was one of the first to show up since he and Yamada came together like usual. Although he socialized with other teachers as they passed by, he stayed closer to the walls and talked with Kayama most of the time. He was dressed fairly well, a simple fitted dark g suit coat with normal slacks. The usually wild and wavy mess of locks was neatly tied back into a very clean half knot that showed off his handsome face.

“No date Shouta? I was sure that pretty young thing would be with you tonight. (L/n) Right, she’s such a lovely girl.” Kayama’s hair was curled beautifully around her, a long fitted dress with a deep V cut showing off her lovely charm. Aizawa only rolled his eyes, sipping on his Champaign class to avoid talking even if it was just for a second more.

“It would make more sense for her to come in with someone closer to her age or with a friend. She is the youngest person on staff you know.”

“Age this age that blah blah BLAH. I know love when I see it-”

“Not love, this isn’t some romance film Nemuri.”

With a small and understanding smile, Nemuri reaches out to gently pat her dear friend's shoulder. “Someday, you’re going to realize that the things that are holding you back are nothing but a reflection of your own worries. I know you’ll figure it out. You both will. Now try to have fun-” Her attention was stolen away for a moment, a glint of excitement in her eyes clear as day. “If you’re worried about how she feels and how she’s doing, why don't you go show her around and make sure she feels welcomed?”

Turning around, the first thing Aizawa see’s is you. A cheesy thing to say, but he almost feels his heart skip a bit.

You wore a black turtleneck underneath a midnight blue spaghetti strap dress that fit you just right. Knitted knee high socks and stylish black heel boots finished off your look along with a beautiful pearl pendant necklace. Your hair looked soft and styled in a way he had never seen it before. Your eyes were done up just enough in a way that made them shine even more than they usually do.

He’s trapped, and he is slowly realizing that he never wants to be set free.

When your eyes scan the room for anything familiar, they finally land on a set of eyes that are looking right back at you. You have to stop yourself from visibly gasping, why did his eyes feel so intense? What was he thinking as he made his way across the room to you.

Like Moses and the sea, everyone carefully parted to let you both have your moment. They all knew the chemistry between you too, and were more than happy to leave you alone as they carried on with their conversations and laughter.

“You look beautiful.” His voice was low, and held a sense of hesitant tenderness even he was unsure of. You knew he meant it.

“And you look very handsome, you even shaved for the party.” With a small laugh you gently ran the back of your fingers across his shaved cheek. This wasn't new, you had done this exact touch multiple times before when you made fun of his stubble yet- it felt more intimate than it ever had before. Aizawa knew he didn't mind it.

Carefully sliding his hand into yours, he lifts it up to press a soft and long kiss to your knuckles. “It is a special occasion. Would you like to join me tonight?” He was never a man who cushioned his words, straight to the point and expressing just how he felt was never an issue. You were different.

Accepting his offer, you move to accept his offered arm. The night starts slow as you both walk around and chat with other faculty members you work with. With Aizawas help you were confident that you were able to make some new friends, maybe going to this party wasn't so bad after all.

Everything else almost felt like a breeze. Laughs were shared, drinks were drank- and barriers were being broken down. You and Aizawa found yourselves slowly standing closer and closer together, close enough to where your fingers would brush against each other when one of you moved. All of Pro Hero Eraserhead’s friends could only watch with warm and excited smiles for him.

Like always, nights must always come to an end.

While some people left to retire for the night, others stayed longer to help clean or help more than drunk coworkers make it home safe. “I’m helping Nemuri make it home Sho! You gonna be okay making it back tonight?” Yamada had Nemuri balancing into his side, laughing as she drunkenly waved some of the others goodbye. “Oh! You all can head back home together if you’d like. I’m just helping clean a bit before I head back home.” you politely cut into their little chat, holding a medium sized black trash bag in your hands.

Taking a moment, Aizawa starts to shrug off his coat as he takes the garbage away from you. “I’ll stay behind to help clean. If you’re alright with it I can walk you home.” with wide eyes, the younger teacher could only nod before she turned away to hide her reddening cheeks to pick up more trash and plates.

“No worries, now get em TIGEr. RaaArW-” As Kayama tried to cheer her friend on, Yamada tugged her away with an amused laugh of his own.

Not even an hour later, everyone was out and the sky was as dark and it could be. The only stars you could see were the large ones as the light pollution shrouded out the smaller and weaker stars.

This time around, Aizawa's coat was wrapped around (y/n) shoulders, her head resting on him as they linked arms on the walk back to her house. Instead of splitting off halfway, he walks her all the way up to her front door. It was silent for a moment, the events from tonight silently washing over them.

“Thank you Aizawa, this...was a really nice night. I don't think it would have been as enjoyable as it was without you.” (y/n) broke the silence, turning to face and look up at the man she knew she would never look at the same again. Rubbing his mouth in thought, his eyes flicker between the young woman standing in front of him and the road.

“I want to thank you as well. I-.” He paused for a moment.

“I would like to kiss you, but I understand if you wouldn't. I think after tonight you know what my feelings are for you. I didn't even know about them fully until tonight. Kayama- Midnight was right. I was letting my worries hold me back when I should have been forward like I always am-”

Time freezes when he feels your hands pull down his face, your lips eagerly pressing into a kiss with such raw love and desperation. Instantly his arms move around to gently lift you up into him. One minute, two..three. You both only break apart for air and your warm breaths mingle against each other. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while now I think. My friend was right haha...maybe I do have a crush on you. I was just worried because I had no idea if you would even be interested in a relationship, let alone with someone as...young as me. I feel like a high schooler again haha.”

The fact that you were able to laugh the way you did and still hold him in your arms brought flutters to his chest. He knew now that he more than just saw you as a coworker or a close friend. He wants to be more. “I know what you mean. Who would want to be with someone as old as me? I would never want to make you feel like I was holding you back.” He would never admit it, but he felt like a young adult experiencing love for the first time...it was a bit embarrassing (in a good way.)

“You make me feel so helpless sometimes you know that?” pulling his head down again, (y/n) presses another soft kiss to Aizawa’s forehead. “What am I gonna do with you Aizawa?”

“Shouta.”

“Huh?”

“Shouta, call me Shouta if you want.” Thankful that it was dark out, he could feel himself heat up at the intimate suggestion.

With the way your eyes sparkled while you said his name, he knew he was hooked. There is no going back. “What am I gonna do with you, Shouta?”

“You’ll figure it out eventually. I’ll help you along the way as long as you’ll help me too.” The shared silence was an unbroken promise to do the best you both can.

After sharing your final kiss good night, you watch Shouta walk down the street and out of view before returning into the comfort of your home. The jacket around your shoulders smelt strongly of the stoic man you now called yours. Enjoying the warmth and comfort his coat brought you, kicking off your boots you hop over your couch and settle into a comfortable position.

Calling: Keigo <(‘V’)>

“WHY are you calling me at….2 in the MORNING. You gave me a damn heart attack-”

“You were right.” your voice was soft and held no regrets.

“Right? Right about what?”

“You were right, I did have feelings for Shouta. I said you would be the first person to call if you were right. And well, you were right.” The next hour was spent catching your best friend up on everything that happened tonight.

On the other side of the story, Aizawa finally made it home and had no problem finding sleep that night. He felt as ease knowing that things weren't going to turn out as bad as he thought it originally was going to be.

He can't say it, not yet.

But he is in love.

And so are you.

#bnha #oneshot #bnha imagines #aizawa x y/n #aizawa shouta #aizawa x reader #bnha x reader #pro hero x reader #aizawa fluff #shouta aizawa #bnha fanfiction #eraserhead x y/n #my hero academy fanfiction #my hero academy x reader

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supernaturalist1234 · 3 years ago

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so I’ve seen discussions about the new Sanders Sides updates. and, since I am physically unable to keep thoughts to myself, I’m going to make a post about it.

half the fandom has been really excited, and the other half has been skeptical, and almost afraid. with a varying range between of course. because all these promises have been made before. and it’s been a year with little more than silly updates, some short side content. most of which has been on patreon.

what’s been mentioned a few times in posts I’ll bring here too, is that this year has sucked. I certainly haven’t created much of the content I wanted to. keeping up a sizeable fandom and making regular content would destroy me, no questions asked.

Thomas has been dealing with a lot, and that’s just what we’re aware. I’ve seen some people say “he owes an explanation”, or at least to stop promising, and to that I can say I 100% disagree. content creators are called content creators instead of “businesses” or “shows” or even “influencers” (though some also fall under that umbrella) or anything like that for a reason. we don’t know what’s going on. if there even is anything going on. and that is fine. he deserves that space.

and I think if it were just this year, people might be a bit more lenient, the way I am phrasing it. or at least feel better about staying in a fandom that may very well be dying. but it’s not. there have been plenty of content droughts since the start. this fandom lives almost purely on fanon content, and that is a fact. anyone who says that no one would work if we didn’t pay them has clearly never been in fandom before. and that’s part of why it’s so hard.

anytime I think about the time Thomas takes to make content, to take breaks, I have a thought at the back of my reminding me that I haven’t. and neither have most others. when the new episode came out I drew Sanders Sides fanart almost everyday single day for a week straight. I have made designs and comics and even animations and animatics almost consistently from Nov-July. I took palette requests for free and gave completely finished pieces for it. have I been great the whole time? no, of course not. but I’m not getting paid. not even as a fan content creator. and there are so. many. others. who do twice as much as I do. and i’m exhausted.

and having content dangled like this constantly, having promises made and broken, having a lot of the content we do have put behind a pay wall. it makes you want to quit. and, to avoid sounding like a therapist, it’s important to have space for that too.

but it’s also not really fair. from my point of view. I’m here because I love it. because my thoughts were nothing but the sides and all that can be done with that world. and Thomas might… not. that’s not to say he doesn’t love the content! or Sanders Sides or doing youtube or anything like that. but I’m saying that even when I am absolutely in love with a project, even when it consumed all the rent free brain space it could, even some it couldn’t… I get bored. and I have felt that if I posted a different project, that if I worked on something else, that if I didn’t dedicate everything to this project. then I was betraying someone. myself, namely. some of the followers who like that content. and this has included TS works. forcing myself to work on it goes to burn-out.

maybe it’s also unfair to discuss myself in the context of Thomas. I’m a different person, I’m doing this for free, I haven’t been making content for that long, certainly not original content. I don’t have a fandom waiting on this content. not mine specifically, anyways.

if Thomas chose to move all his projects entirely to patreon, I would be disappointed. I would be sad, because then I really would move on from this fandom. he won’t, of course, but if he did I don’t think I would blame him either. because choosing so you get consistently payed for all of your work, on a regular basis, and having one-on-sort-of-one interactions with fans that you can stress about less, that sounds fantastic.

maybe it’s because I’ve already moved on, in a sense. not fully, of course. but I exist within a space where I will be happy to make content, when I have time again. but I also have other things to do in my life. other fandoms, other things to move on to. that’s pretty rare, in these circumstances.

so, final thoughts? it’s nuanced. Thomas deserves this space, we deserve that space. content is promised, content is deserved. support is asked for, support is. not necessarily deserved. that’s freely given. content possibly unpaid for, not deserved. explanations beyond what’s given, deserved if only in the context of promises broken.

I’m not leaving Sanders Sides fandom quite yet. I might make a little sketch once a year, might like and reblog old content constantly, might write little one-shots every few months. but I’ll still be here. even if I’m also elsewhere. and I can make that promise, because I know not many will be disappointed if I can’t hold to it. if any.

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t0wnspersonb · 4 years ago

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Love and Gains (Bokuto Koutarou x Reader)

Word Count: 2,657

Summary: After dealing with an intense breakup you find yourself in the gym in hopes of distracting you from your heartbreak. You end up running into an interesting character, and after the brief interaction you find yourself attending his volleyball game. But when you run into your ex once more, a certain owl headed player decides to help you out of the uncomfortable situation.

Warnings: FLUFF, making out, bad language, cheating, angst, Bokuto being a perfect angel

~~~

I hope you guys enjoy this one! I had fun writing it! I love Bokuto so much it’s absolutely ridiculous. Hopefully I did our boy some justice! I apologize if the writing is shit though lmao. I’m sorry I haven’t been updating more, I’ve just been busy with a broken foot and work now smh. I’ll probably start opening up requests again soon but I will let you know when I do! Anyway I hope you guys had a wonderful 4th! Please enjoy!🤗🤗🤗💕💕💕

~~~

You grumbled angrily to yourself as you walked out of the locker room. Today wasn’t your day, and all you could think about was blowing off some steam.

There weren’t that many people in the gym right now considering the time, so you easily found an empty treadmill, planning on doing a quick run as a warmup.

This is what you needed, the burning in your legs as you ran was gladly welcomed, it distracted you from the burning that rested in your heart.

You had gone to surprise your boyfriend at his dorm and had caught him cheating on you.

The image of him and that girl flashed in your mind, causing you to grit your teeth tightly, your fists clenched tightly together, and your legs started to carry you faster on the treadmill.

You had done your crying a couple of hours earlier. Heart break wasn’t easy, the devastation that you felt was soul-crushing, you couldn’t help but wonder if he had cheated because it was something that you had done.

Maybe you weren’t spending enough time with him, maybe you weren’t satisfying his needs, maybe you were too clingy, too annoying, too emotional; for him to handle.

You couldn’t help but think that it was all your fault that he cheated.

If you had just chosen the same college as him… then maybe he wouldn’t have cheated.

No.

You shook your head. You were done with these thoughts. You weren’t sad anymore, you weren’t blaming yourself anymore, you were angry now. You were fucking pissed now.

How dare he.

He was the scum beneath your shoes, the rotten garbage at the very bottom of the trashcan and… and… and, fuck why did he do this to you?

You felt tears sting at your eyes. You guys were together for three years, you never would have guessed that he would do that.

That he would rip your heart out and stomp all over it.

You wondered if he was trying to get a hold of you, you had turned off your phone, wanting to hide away from the world.

Boisterous laughter distracted you from your thoughts, you looked up to see two males stretching and doing light warmups.

“Hey hey hey! Tsum-Tsum I’m going to beat you at reps today!” one of the males declared loudly.

You looked on curiously, his hair reminded you of an owl. How strange.

The other male smirked at him, getting up from the floor. “We’ll see Bokkun. We also have to do legs today.”

You couldn’t help but notice that they were incredibly attractive, tall and muscular. But that was the last thing you fucking needed.

No more boys, no more relationships, you were done.

After you had finished your warmup on the treadmill you started fishing out the headphones in your pocket. You headed over to the stairs next, you were going to drown yourself in workouts tonight, you needed the distraction.

After finally finishing your exercises on the machines, you went over to the punching bags. Carefully wrapping your hands, you stared down at the red bag full of sand, and then started beating the shit out of it.

This was the steam that you needed to blow off. But after a few moments, something caught your eye out of your peripheral. The owl-haired guy that you had noticed earlier was on the stairs and… oh. You couldn’t help but notice how nice his butt was.

But then you started to notice how nice his entire body was. His back was strong and muscular, the muscles in his legs rippling with each step and…

What were you doing?

You shook your head at the thoughts and started focusing more on your punches. That’s right. You weren’t going to get involved with another boy, you were going to focus on yourself and on school.

Fuck boys.

Fuck your ex.

Your ex, your nostrils flared in anger and your punches became more intense; you couldn’t help picturing his stupid face as you punched the bag.

“Wow your punches are really intense!” a voice said behind you. You yelped and suddenly the punching bag was thrown back into you, causing you to stumble back and fly into the chest of the voice behind you.

It felt like you hit a brick wall. Warm, rough hands grabbed your bare shoulders steadying you as you regained your footing.

You looked up and saw the owl-haired male staring down at you with a wide grin. You felt your face heat up and you stumbled out of his arms, stuttering apologizes as you put space between the two of you.

He was so much bigger than you, you couldn’t help but to feel incredibly small as he stared down at you.

“Umm. Did you want to use the punching bag or…” you trailed off awkwardly.

“Oh! No not at all! I just saw you going crazy and I had to come over and compliment you.” he grinned widely, giving you a thumbs up.

You felt your face burning in embarrassment at his praise. “Oh umm -”

“My name is Bokuto! Bokuto Koutarou! But you knew that already, didn’t you?”

Your brows furrowed in confusion, what was he talking about? He was a complete stranger to you, a hot stranger, but a stranger no less.

Before you could say anything else his friend walked over to him.

“Oi Bokkun, we have to get going, Coach changed the practice tomorrow it’s earlier.” His eyes slid over to you, but he didn’t say anything else.

“See you around punches!” Bokuto waved goodbye as they took off.

You blinked after them.

What?

****

It had been several days since the incident at the gym, and your breakup with your boyfriend.

Right now your best friend was dragging you to a volleyball match, much to your distaste.

She was a big volleyball fan, it wasn’t that you didn’t like the sport, but it was because your ex was a volleyball player.

“You can’t let that asshole ruin the sport for you! There are so many other hot guys that play! Like the team we’re going to go see!” She chided you as you guys went to find your seats.

You rolled your eyes at her, “I don’t care, I’m not planning on dating anyone else right now.”

“You can’t - oh my god! There they are!” she said excitedly grabbing your arm and pointing towards the floor.

You looked over at the team, and then gawked. Familiar gray hair stuck out, his broad back sporting the number 12 with his name clear across.

Bokuto Koutarou.

What were the fucking odds?

“You’re kidding me,” you said under your breath, of course you would be attracted to yet another volleyball player.

“Shhh! It’s starting!” your friend shushed you. The game started, and honestly you were completely surprised.

They were incredible, all of them, and Bokuto… holy shit. Bokuto was on another level, the raw talent and strength left you in awe, and he looked like he was having fun, a lot of fun.

The entire game you couldn’t take your eyes off of him, and when they had won, your friend rushed you out of the gym in hopes of meeting up with them.

However, a detour to the bathroom left you standing out against the wall as you waited for her. You lazily flipped through your phone, completely unaware of the tall figure approaching you.

“Y/n-chan.”

Your blood ran cold, your eyes shot up to stare back at the man that broke your heart.

“What are you doing here?” you asked coldly, heart racing in your chest as you stared up at his face.

“Me and some teammates wanted to scope out the competition, we play MSBY in a couple of weeks. What are you doing here?” he took a step closer to you.

“Why does it matter?” you asked shortly, pressing yourself closer to the wall, your eyes flickered for a way to escape.

“Don’t be like that, I’ve missed you. I know you miss me too.” he said, resting his hand near your head, he leaned in closer to you. “Come on, what we had was good. We were good together, let’s get back together.” He grabbed your chin, forcing you to meet his eyes as he leaned in closer.

Anger and fear swelled into your being and you shoved him away, moving yourself away from the wall and putting distance between the two of you.

“You cheated on me. You did that, you broke our relationship. I don’t miss you. I don’t want to be with you. You treated me like shit.” you stated angrily, tears gathering at the corner of your eyes, but you bit them back.

He stared down at you with an unreadable expression and then it turned amused. “I’m the best thing you’ve ever had, will ever have. You’ve always been so ungrateful; you barely would put out for me. Of course, I would cheat on you, you weren’t satisfying my needs, you fucking prude. No one is ever going to date you.” he sneered and grabbed your arm, squeezing it painfully.

“I’m already dating someone.” You blurted out, yanking your arm out of his grasp.

“Oh yeah who?” he rolled his eyes.

Fuck. Why did you say that? Why did you lie like that? But then you noticed a familiar person out of the corner of your eye heading your way. You turned and all but threw yourself into his arms.

Bokuto easily caught you, his strong arms wrapping around your figure tightly as you clung to his broad shoulders.

“Please play along for a moment.” You whispered against his ear.

“Punches!?” he exclaimed, but never pushed you away.

“Kou-kun!” you cooed loudly, finally releasing your grip on him, you turned to look at your ex who was staring at you with a dumbfounded expression.

“I’m dating Bokuto. You know, the Wing Spiker from the MSBY Black Jackals.” You stated proudly, gently resting your hand against his left pectoral and - holy shit it was like touching thick steel.

It was then that you became entirely aware of his large hand resting on the small of your back. Heat burned you through your shirt, but it was comforting, safe, reassuring.

“You’re fucking lying.” your ex scoffed, but you could see the nervousness shifting through his eyes as he looked between the two of you.

“I’m not. We met a couple days ago at the gym and we hit it off.” You said simply, well it wasn’t a complete lie.

“Her punches were killer and I noticed her nice butt right away.” Bokuto threw in, carefully pulling you into his side tighter.

You ignored his statement and the rising blush that wanted to coat your cheeks, he was just playing along with you right? He didn’t mean that at all.

“I don’t believe you, Y/n-chan. I need more proof.” your ex said smugly.

You gritted your teeth in anger and peered up at the tall volleyball player that was staring down at you with curiosity and worry.

“I’m so sorry. Please hang on just a bit longer.” You mumbled softly and then you grabbed him by the front of his shirt, yanking him down to your height and kissed him.

A surprised noise escaped Bokuto’s lips, but he kissed you back immediately, carefully grabbing your jaw and fitting your mouth against his better.

His lips were warm and damp as they moved against yours urgently, his other arm wrapped around your waist and pulled your body flush against his. The hands that were gripping his shirt traveled up against his strong chest and across his broad shoulders until your fingers threaded through the back of his hair. The hair at the back of his neck was damp from sweat, but still incredibly soft.

You lost yourself in this kiss. No one has ever kissed you this way before. It was perfect, there were so many mixed emotions being felt in this moment.

“Whatever.” you heard your ex mumble and the shuffling of feet.

You should stop kissing right? You should pull away and apologize profusely right?

The kiss didn’t stop, if anything… it got more heated.

Bokuto dragged his tongue across your lower lip, begging for entrance, and you granted it immediately. A pleased noise escaping your mouth as your tongues swirled together.

The grip that Bokuto had on your body tightened at the noise, and his tongue battled against yours harder.

His smell, his taste, the way he felt pressed up against you… you couldn’t think about anything else other than this moment.

How could a complete stranger make you feel so good?

A stranger.

That’s right. You didn’t know this guy, not really anyway, and - oh - you reluctantly pulled away, you guys were in public, you guys were making out in public.

Bokuto wasn’t done though, when you pulled away, he immediately tried to follow; attempting to capture your lips once again in another kiss.

It wasn’t until you heard the loud throat clearing that you guys moved apart. His expression was dazed with lust as he stared down at you with gold eyes.

You were still pressed close to his body, his arms never leaving you, even after you made eye contact with your friend who was staring at you in amusement.

Your face burned red as you gently pressed your forehead against his thick chest. But when you had realized what you just did, you leaped out of his arms, eyes wide in embarrassment.

“Bokuto-san I’m so sorry!” you apologized bowing. “That was my ex and he -”

He held his hand up, stopping your explanation. His face was red slightly, his hair mused from your fingers. But his eyes were wide and bright. “What a way to greet someone, punches!”

His boisterous laughter eased the worry that was creeping into your being.

“It’s fate that we’re meeting again! Listen punches, I was going to ask for your number at the gym before Tsum-Tsum pulled me away. But after a kiss like that I definitely want to take you out on a date!” he grinned widely, fishing out his phone and handing it to you.

You blinked at him in surprise and then nodded slowly.

“Yeah… that… that sounds good. I’d like that.” you said, putting your number into his phone, a soft blush coating your cheeks.

“Hey, hey, hey!” he cheered loudly, his arms up in the air in triumph. “I got the pretty girl’s number! Oh… um,” he scratched his cheek sheepishly, “what’s your name?”

You blinked at him, you made out with the poor guy and he didn’t even know your name yet. “I’m so sorry I should’ve told you earlier… it’s Y/n.”

“Y/n.” Bokuto repeated and then grinned widely. “I like it! I have to get going punches! I’ll text you later tonight! I’ll be at the gym later too if you want to meet up!”

When the tall player was out of your sight a large smile began to stretch across your lips, your friend screeching at you about what had happened was a sight to see to the people walking past you.

Maybe you weren’t going to swear boys off after all, or at least, Bokuto would be the exception.

****

“Tsum-Tsum!” Bokuto called out angrily.

“What is it Bokkun?” the setter looked at him in confusion, where was this anger coming from?

“This guy sucks!” he said bluntly, pointing across the net to the other team, but his finger was pointing at the one guy he didn’t want to see ever.

Your ex.

It had been several weeks since that second meeting with Bokuto. You guys were dating now, and it was everything you could ever dream of.

“I’m going to crush him for hurting my Y/n!” he declared heatedly.

Your ex went home crying that day needless to say.

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu fluff #reader insert #bokuto koutarou x reader #bokuto koutarou x you #bokuto x reader #bokuto x you #bokuto fluff #bokuto koutarou #bokuto kotaro x reader #fluff #bokuto haikyuu #boyfriend bokuto

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singull · 2 years ago

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been a while since i posted a personal thang heeeeeere.

wanna know why?

‘cause my ass got a journal ohmergerd! also got a glass dip pen like i mentioned i wanted and aaahhhhh i feel so FANCY writing with a dip pen. 8D

but yeah, since i’ve been spilling all the boring deets of my life into a journal, i haven’t been posting shit here bahaha. probably a good thing? xD but also sometimes a bitch misses getting feedback about things sometimes rather than just writing into a void.

last few days have been a little rough because my mind has gone back to dwelling on the friend breakup from early this year. keep spiraling into trying to pin down what i must have done or said that was so wrong that she felt the need to cut me out of her life for good. and like…yeah i can think of plenty of reasons, but being able to come up with a laundry list of what i believe are my faults isn’t terribly helpful bahah. i’ve fought with myself a few times this year about reaching out to get some sort of non-vague answer, but ultimately i know that i likely don’t want to know whatever her answer is because it isn’t likely to give me any sort of satisfying closure anyway and will probably just make me feel worse about myself.

annnnnnnd yeah it feels like all my progress of slowing accepting that my friend is gone for good is unraveling completely and aaaaaahhhhhh. the fact that we had to put our other dog down a few weeks ago and i’ve been sleeping terribly is probably a big reason for the back-tracking. been feeling that depression slithering back into my life and it makes it difficult to focus on things that would preoccupy me usually and keep me busy. plus it’s beginning to get darker earlier so i’m sure that isn’t helping bahaha. winter months in alaska fucking suck. i could deal with the cold and the snow and shit, but the darkness just makes things so much harder.

anyway…i talked my boss into upgrading our POS system at work! we’ve been using a Square Stand with an iPad Air for a few years, but the tablet has been lagging a lot with square’s app in particular for a while now, so we’re going to get Square’s Register (which will be so nice so i don’t have to worry about iOS updates butting heads with app updates) AS WELL AS a barcode scanner and receipt printer. aaaayyyyyyyy. i’m pretty lowkey hype about the scanner. it’s gonna be an asshole to reorganize the entire inventory, but hey, it’ll be something to do at work during downtime. P; will be nice to make checking out more seamless, especially since my boss wants to start looking into getting volunteers for the shop again. lemme tell you, trying to tell a volunteer to study the inventory so they learn to know where to find items on it for check out is like pulling teeth. being able to tell them to just scan a barcode will make training so much easier for me. xD also, no having to worry about teaching someone how to interact with an iPad. suffering is having to teach an elderly person about iOS gestures. xD; just teaching them to use the app can be a whole thing in itself. hopefully the register will be much more straight forward.

still reading, but been working on playing god of war 2018 since september since i’m interested in playing ragnarok later this year, but vidya gaems really cut into reading time bahaha. also i keep falling behind on my shows and youtube watch later list. xD;

#personal bloggity

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personasintro · 3 years ago

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Hello, I’m not trying to defend rude people coming to you asking you to hurry the story lol but I’m going to tell you something that might help as advice as a writer, maybe? Just please don’t take it the wrong way bc I’m not trying to tell you how to do your thing!

I think what frustrates readers the most is that the story escalated SO QUICKLY from the beginning, like since the “deal” to all the fluff, the “””””fake””””” dating, the sex, the (very obvious) romantic moments that were completely brushed off, not to mention all the confusing things Jungkook says to Y/N and viceversa, etc. AND THEN.. the whole story goes back to (in a sense) zero: Jungkook is back with Kiko, the person that hurted him so deeply on him, Y/N and Jungkook are still friends even after they spended all those weeks being basically like boyfriend and girlfriend and that there’s clearly something there that ALL of us can see (unless you didn’t want us to believe that and we’re all not reading the same story).

And I’m not saying that it’s bad or that you’re doing things the wrong way but IT IS very confusing to us bc its starting to feel like there’s no real character development and everything’s going backwards instead of forward.

Again, I’m not saying this is how you should do this but, as a reader myself, the lack of development, in terms of character and not as a “this is how I want the story to end” type of thing, it’s very frustrating and dryning for some people.

What I’m trying to say is that maybe the people on your ask box aren’t just being obnoxious and trying to tell you how they want the story to end. Maybe they’re mad at the fact that after everything that’s happened between Y/N and Jungkook, they’re still with the same mindset. I mean, even the whole “mutual help” agreement is over and they’re still the same characters when the story began. It makes you wonder if maybe that’s everything there is to their story 🤧

My point it’s that: if the story’s plot it’s based on that “mutual help” they had, isn’t it supposed to bring some noticeable change to the character’s life after instead of just passing by, almost uneventfully?

Anyway, I hope I don’t make you feel mad or sad with my whole ass analysis lol that really isn’t the point of it, I’m just seriously very confused with the way the story is progressing, and maybe clarifying some things, without spoiling anything, may help us readers understand where is this story going. Btw, none of this means that the story or the plot or the characters are bad AT ALL, I would say it’s the complete opposite, we are all SO immersed in it that we’ve got to the point were we’re just desperate for more! But yeah, thank you for your beautiful story! I’ll still check every update even if you decide to complete ignore this question lol ❤️❤️

As much as I appreciate you trying to justify all those asks, it doesn't change the fact how I feel about this whole thing. Frustrated, sad and overwhelmed, that's how I've been feeling for a few weeks now (maybe even months) because some people on this app are too much sometimes. It's one of the reasons why I disabled my asks.

If any of the readers have any problem with how the story is going, I've said too many times they don't have to read it. Them getting all frustrated over how I write my OWN story is ridiculous. People trying to tell me how to write my story is ridiculous. If you guys read my answers to every ask, you probably know by now what makes me frustrated and what bothers me the most. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out and I ask... how the hell people are still being so pushy with their own preferences? I've explained countless things so many times and honestly, I'm exhausted because of it. I feel like nobody listens to me what I'm saying and that puts a little disrespect in my opinion.

+ I get the feeling people don't read MH thoroughly and forget all the things that have been discussed there. I don't get the feeling as if the story went back to zero, I'm sorry that you do but well, I respect your opinion but obviously are opinions about this are very different. I can't believe I've to explain this all over again but well... here we go! y/n and Jungkook being still friends doesn't mean there are things that haven't slightly changed (whether they acknowledge it or not). Them acting like a girlfriend and a boyfriend has been explained by THEM, why they acted like that and even admitted it felt nice. There is an obvious attraction and their deal hasn't helped with that.

+ I know very well what I'm doing with my story [SLOW BURN STORY] and I asked readers many times to just trust me. I'm so freaking frustrated because if people are getting so frustrated over my story too, why the hell are they still reading it? I'm not asking for people to tell me what to do, directly or indirectly because I'm sorry but that's the vibe I'm getting from all those asks. They're not normal and typical asks of "oh I wish they were together" but the length those people are willing to go just to push their own preference is ridiculous.

+ If you think there's no character development (just because y/n x jk aren't together and jk x kiko are) then I'm sorry but MH isn't probably your kind of story. And I'm not going to point out what those characters development are because if you read the story thoroughly and with some sort of understanding, you could easily tell what it is and you wouldn't have to question me about it.

+ Again, if anyone finds this story so frustrating and draining (that's what you probably meant) just don't read it. I really appreciate everyone who does read it, but ONCE AGAIN... I'm not sure what to do with it? I'm not going to change the story and even though I do read those opinions, 90% of time I don't even know how to respond. And people willing to take some of their time to be frustrated in my inbox when you can probably tell that it is as much frustrating for me, is blowing my mind and not in the good sense.

+ Maybe they’re mad at the fact that after everything that’s happened between Y/N and Jungkook, they’re still with the same mindset. This fucking blew my mind all over again. As much as I'm aware a story can evoke a lot of feelings (one of the reasons why writing and reading stories is so amazing), this is different than just people being casually mad about something. And that's exactly it, people are mad and then they come into my inbox and spread negativity and even bigger distaste to writing for me. If anyone is so mad because of how story is going and it's hard for them to process it (now I'm going to be the one giving you an advice) just don't read it. And I don't mean this in any rude way, I genuinely think people shouldn't read it if them being so mad means they'll show their anger and frustration to me. Because newsflash but I'm a person behind this screen, I can get mad and frustrated too. Do you guys think these kinds of asks aren't hurting me to a certain extent?

+ You think this story is confusing? Alright, what am I supposed to do with it? Like, I'm genuinely curious what you guys expect me to do. I told you to trust me, it didn't help. I told you this story is a slow burn one, it didn't help. I told you there are things that are changing and if you read the story properly and with some understanding, you'd be able to notice it (even if it's not something big and eye-catching), that didn't help too.

+ It's not my responsibility to explain and clarify every thing people are confused about but still, I've always tried to explain everything but you know what? I don't feel like doing it again. Because every time people are confused about something, it always has something to do with the future of the story and people indirectly asking me about spoilers – whether you think it's true or not, I've been here long enough to know when people are trying to get answers out of me. Plus, it's very hard almost impossible to explain some things without spoiling anything. That's why I always told you guys to trust me and you'll get your answers at the right time.

I really hate explaining my thoughts like this because it makes me feel like a douchebag but I'm so sick of some people thinking like I owe them something. At the end of the day, I'm here to write a story and me interacting with all of my readers is my choice. I could easily just post a chapter and not care what people think, and I do think some people are using this fact over me thinking they can be impolite, rude, pushy and frustrating. I've been patient enough about this, but the more this keeps happening the more I'm questioning my presence here.

There... here are my thoughts and I know people will take from it whatever they want (or more like won't take anything from it) but honestly, I'm so exhausted if you couldn't tell by now. I'm so done with always justifying myself. These thoughts have been bubbling inside of me for so long and I always told myself to just close the app, breathe it out and come back positive... but I realized that every time I think about this, I feel exactly the same and I know that it's not my fault because that's how some of you make me feel.

All I ask if for mutual understanding because I've always been trying to be respectful and understanding, that's one of the things I've been very careful about.

#ask: anon

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katnissmellarkkk · 3 years ago

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Chapter Two

Hiiii! Okay, soooo I wanted to get the new chapter out ASAP! I really, really love any of you guys who read/kudoed/commented or anything on AO3 🥰🥰🥰🥰. Means the world to me.

As I mentioned on here yesterday, my one eye is basically sore and I went to the eye doctor and basically can’t wear my contacts for a few days. So because of my how nearsighted I am and the fact that I haven’t updated my glasses prescription in over a decade .... I edited this chapter on my phone? So yeah. I think it turned out just as well as any of my other writing but ya know. For verification, if there’s some mistakes here or there. Ya girl was tryin, ok. 😂😂😂😂😅😅😅😅😬😬😬😬😬😬.

Okay anyways I’ll stop talking, here’s the next chapter :

“You just have to get to know her,” Peeta claimed. “Bailey’s a good person. Don’t let her outer shell fool you.”

What I really wanted to ask him was how he ever got beyond her—as he so delicately phrased it—outer shell.

Never big on social interactions, on top of being generally awful at making friends, I did my best to get all the information Peeta would willingly offer about his new, mysterious girlfriend, before having to deal with her directly.

Which wasn’t much. Peeta, the boy who gossiped about his father wanting to marry my mother while we were in a televised death match, who seemed to always have some insight on other people, who never hesitated to share his gossip with me before now, suddenly had tight lips when it came to Bailey Robyn.

The biggest emission I got from him was, “she had a childhood a lot like mine.”

I don’t know what that means? Bailey was the child of District Nine’s baker? District Nine had a class divide as well and she was of a merchant equivalent? She was a popular wrestler?

And then it hit me all at once. Like a train storming for the Capitol, it hit me with crushing force. Peeta never confirmed the fact, but the look in his eyes when I made the guess was enough to suggest I was right.

Bailey also grew up with an abusive mother. Just like Peeta.

The idea was a lot for me to process suddenly. I knew people who looked perfect could hide dark secrets. Peeta and Finnick Odair were both evidence of this. But for some reason I was taken aback by the notion that Bailey, who seemed so lively and pristine and collected, could have come from a violent and vicious household like the Mellark’s.

I mentally berated myself for the shock. How many times had strangers misjudged me in the last couple of years? How much had that infuriated me to find out?

When I go over to Haymitch’s house the following week for dinner, I make considerable effort in preparing myself to see Bailey sitting at the table.

And I’m not disappointed.

Bailey Robyn is sitting in the dining room when I walk in, half her hair gracefully combed into a cascading updo, looking as porcelain and perfect as ever. In her hand is a cookie covered in pink frosting, her mouth pulled up in a sparkling white smile as she laughs at something Haymitch has said.

Evidently Bailey puts my old mentor in a good enough mood, because he gives her a real genuine grin in reply.

Before turning to me with a scowl, of course. “Well, sweetheart, look who decided to join us?”

“I’m on time, Haymitch,” I immediately grumble, eyeing him with aggravation.

“If we give or take twenty minutes.”

But Bailey apparently wants to be my buffer. “Like you’ve ever been on time for anything, Haymitch Abernathy,” she retorts, looking at me knowingly. Like she’s trying to let me in on her joke. Like we’re old friends, who gang up on Haymitch together all the time.

A part of me feels displaced, as this interaction, if I didn’t know better, gives me the idea that I’m the odd one out and Bailey is the aquatinted one in this dynamic. But still, I take a deep breath and smile back in her direction.

I promised Peeta I would try. I promised to give Bailey a chance. And I’m not going to break another promise to him.

Not after everything that’s happened to him because of me.

Before I can find a semi-conversational thing to say back though, more voices join us.

“Katniss!” Delly chirps, rounding the corner from Haymitch’s pigsty living room with Peeta by her side.

“Oh, look who finally showed up,” Peeta says, teasing me.

I have an entirely different reaction to him nudging me versus Haymitch. Instead of getting defensive, I feel myself immediately blush, suddenly a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I got held up in the woods.” My words somehow get choked in with a giggle and Peeta smirks in response.

Luckily for me, Bailey seems to not mind our interaction. Instead she laughs once again. “Held up in the woods by what?” She murmurs curiously.

“Knowing her?” Haymitch mutters, eyeing at me wryly. “Squirrels.”

I give the night my best effort. I talk to Bailey, ask her questions—pretend not to notice how elusive her answers are—and plaster a completely fake smile across my face, trying my best to appear as sweet and as pleasant as I am capable of.

However, by the end, I’m so glad Delly is there by my side that, without hesitating to think about it, I invite her to be a permanent member of our weekly dinners. If Peeta can bring Bailey every time—as I suspect he will—I can surely have someone here too. Someone else who is a bit apprehensive about the new addition, someone who doesn’t think I’m just blatantly rude for remaining on my guard.

I expected Haymitch, at least, would be a little unsure about Bailey. I expected he’d be at least slightly cautious of her presence. But instead the opposite seems to be true.

Instead Haymitch almost seems more apprehensive about me being at dinner.

Every time I glance at Peeta too long, every time I cringe—in my mind, internally, but evidently the old, paunchy man notices—when Bailey plants her lips all over Peeta, I feel him kick me in the leg, step on my foot, nudge me roughly as he passes by.

Delly finds the whole thing really funny. She finds Haymitch and my subsequent glares and glances more entertaining than any of the stories Bailey shares about District Nine.

And Delly Cartwright has never been one for subtly. She’s never been one for holding back her emotion either.

What should be her quiet chuckles are loud, snorting giggles and her standard laughs are practically hysterics.

And I find unexpectedly, when mixed with such a tense air, the sound of her boisterous laughter cracks even me up. Even Haymitch smiles a little.

Of course, the fact that this conjures up an image of me and Delly sharing some kind of inside joke is sort of an unexpected gift. I only realize it after the fact, but the idea that it looks like me and Delly are laughing together makes me feel suddenly less alone. Makes me feel suddenly like I belong here again.

Bailey is pleasant enough, I note to myself. She smiles in all the right places when someone else speaks, she manages to softly laugh in all the appropriate spots, she tell us vague details about her home in Nine easily enough.

Apparently she was born and raised on a farm, learned to produce grain from a young age and left her parents’ home at fourteen.

She makes no mention of the abuse Peeta implied but I never expected she would. It takes practically a microscope to uncover it in Peeta’s own tales. And even that’s from my point of view. An outsider who didn’t survive two games and a war with him would be hard-pressed to decipher it at all out of the stories he tells. I anticipated Bailey would be just as allusive.

I did not anticipate however, that Bailey would grow so uncomfortable when asked where she lived after she left her parents’ home. I didn’t expect her to look around the room in an abrupt, stiff silence, that she would stare past the walls of Haymitch’s home with a glassy look in her stone blue eyes, or that she would stand from the table without warning and flee down the hall.

And I’m thankful now that it was Delly who asked the question and not me, as surely my old mentor, who’s nearly smashed by this point, would find a way to cast the blame onto me.

“Did I say something wrong?” Delly asks, genuinely disturbed that she apparently must have hurt Bailey. She may not be her biggest fan, but Delly Cartwright isn’t one to intentionally upset people.

Peeta hesitates for a moment before shaking his head. “No, she’s just... it’s nothing you did, Delly,” he promises but his voice is far away now too, and his gaze flickers towards the hall the blonde disappeared down.

Still, Delly bites her lip in fear she caused an issue and excuses herself from the table in a haste, offering to clean everyone’s dishes.

Neither me nor Peeta—or even Haymitch himself—say not to bother. The house itself is in atrocious condition after the decades of neglect and washing the dishes will only cover the plates in grim and mold instead of food. But it’s not about the actual cleansing of the dishes and we all know it. It’s about avoidance.

Something the three of us know more about than anyone ever should.

I use the given opportunity to catch Peeta’s eye. “What’s going on?” I murmur under my breath, hoping Haymitch wouldn’t insert himself into the conversation for once, that he won’t shut my question down and bark at me for being nosy.

“Bailey just needs a minute,” Peeta states, and I can tell from his tone it’s better not to ask again. Whatever’s going on with his girlfriend has him on edge as well. It seems to me, at least.

The next thirty minutes feel like hours as they pass. No one speaks. Haymitch is almost out cold from his liquor. Peeta refuses to meet my eyes or even so much as tear his gaze from the direction Bailey walked off in. I’m about to tell him to just go after her, when she decides to reappear.

Like magic, she reappears, her face seemingly flawless, her smile as bright and as stunning as before, her poise back again like it never slipped.

“Are you okay?” I ask anyway though, because there’s no use in pretending she didn’t just run off after a harmless comment. Delly obviously wants the answer to the same inquiry or she wouldn’t be currently lingering in the doorframe, afraid to even enter the room.

Still, I receive a pointed glance from Peeta and an outright disgusted look from a barely coherent Haymitch.

I fight my natural instincts that says to justify myself. My natural instincts that tell me they’re being far too defensive over a simple question.

And for what reason? Peeta just met her a few months ago and Haymitch probably wouldn’t be able to tell her apart from half the merchant girls in the district. What is it about Bailey that makes both of them take up their metal armor to protect?

“I’m fine,” she says lightly, and offers a tight, closed-mouth smile that doesn’t come across as real for a second. “Delly, do you need any help in the kitchen?”

“No,” the typically bubbly blonde says almost instantly. There’s a waiver in her voice and I feel a pang of sadness spread across my chest, because Delly is obviously afraid of even being in the same room as Bailey now.

“Okay well, we should be going anyways, Peeta,” she says definitively and tugs on his hand with a bit too much force. If you ask me.

“Me too,” I murmur before mentally kicking myself, realizing that I just boxed myself into a corner, looking like I was playing a game and trying to tag along with them for the walk home.

Well, the entire two minutes it takes to get to each of our respective homes, that is.

Even without the added awkwardness of tagging alongside Peeta and his girlfriend, a part of me—a naive, juvenile part—doesn’t want to watch Bailey enter through Peeta’s front door, doesn’t want to accept the fact that she isn’t just spending the night, that his home is now hers too, as a definitive fact.

Within a matter of days, his home is officially her’s. I already know it must be true. But that doesn’t mean I’m anxious by any stretch of the imagination to have the suspicion confirmed.

Haymitch chuckles darkly though, seemingly at my expense, as he lifts his head from the grimy table. “I see someone’s trying to escape before we can light the candles and start singing.”

I blanch the same moment I feel Peeta’s eyes turn and land on me in shock.

I was hoping everyone had forgotten my birthday somehow.

Read The Rest On AO3

#everlark #thg #hunger games #fanfic #fanfiction #my writing #fic #everlark fic #everlark fanfic #dancing on my own 💔👸🏼✨#jealousy #jealousy fic

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suitofvibraniumarmor · 4 years ago

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Light in the Dark

Summary: Avoiding Bucky seemed to be the thing to do after the two of you broke up, until a mission gone wrong shows you how much you have to lose. Pairing; Bucky x Reader Word Count: 2415 Warnings: Language, angst, canon typical gun violence, GSW, blood. Square Filled: Post-Breakup AU for @marvelfluffbingo. Square Filled: Second gif within the fic (Y2) for @buckybarnesbingo. [Rating: Teen/Mature] A/N: I feel like I maybe ended another fic with a similar line? Anyway, don’t call me out, ha. Happy Reading!

GIF Source

“So, ending it. That’s what you want?”

Tears were brimming in her eyes and the lump in her throat stopped her from answering Bucky’s question. She sniffed, hoping it would stop her emotions from falling down her cheeks. One blink though, and she was betrayed.

“It’s not what I want, Buck.” Her tone was bordering on pleading. “But you and I don’t want the same things. I want to move forward, you want to stay stuck. You won’t open up to me, you haven’t touched me in weeks — and I’m not even talking about sex. You won’t hold my hand, won’t stand within two feet of me.”

He pressed his lips to a thin line and sighed. He started with a measured tone, partial words stumbling out until he got so frustrated at his inability to form a sentence, he let out a loud growl and pounded on the table nearby.

“You don’t get it! All right? You don’t know the things that are still in my head, you don’t know how much fear I live in, every mother fucking day, that I’m going to lose it and hurt you.” He squeezed his eyes shut, raking a vibranium hand through his hair. “This is more than you can handle, Y/N. There are days when — when I don’t wanna talk and you think things are worse than ever. That’s not always the case. Some days I just need the quiet. Everything in my head is so loud — that’s not the point. The point is, I’m not good for you.”

Her tears came to an abrupt stop. “Are you fucking kidding me? You think I don’t have demons of my own? You think the things that I have done, the lives I have taken, don’t haunt me in my sleep? At every waking moment? I see their faces, every time I close my eyes. You are not the only one with blood on your hands, Bucky Barnes.” She stood and clenched her fists at her sides. “If you think that I’m one of those agents who was bred into this because my parents were in the first wave of S.H.I.E.L.D agents, who can handle all of this and then sleep at night like it’s nothing, you don’t know me at all.”

She stepped up to him and took his face in her hands before kissing him softly. She wiped her taste away with her thumb before taking a step back.

“Goodbye, Bucky.”

For weeks after the split, they avoided each other at all costs. If she rounded a corner and saw Bucky coming her way, she backtracked and took the long way around. If Bucky was headed to the common room but heard her singing along to the radio before he made it there, he turned on his heel and got what he needed elsewhere. Every now and then, he could bribe someone into getting what he needed, but the whole crew was running thin on that arrangement.

“You could talk to her, you know,” Sam suggested.

Steve nodded his agreement. “At least work out a schedule of who can be where and when. That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard, but hey, at least then you two can have a more normal life and the rest of us can stop making money off of your awkward situation. Besides, it’s been … how long has it been? Surely long enough for you two to be adults about the situation.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “If she wanted to talk to me, she’d come to me and say what she needed to say.”

Nat came into the room and sighed. “Not necessarily, Barnes. I’ve talked to Y/N about it and she doesn’t want to be in your way anymore than you want to be in hers. To be honest, I’m not so sure that this break-up is really worth the trouble when the two of you could just talk it out and work through your problems.”

“We wanted different things,” Bucky mumbled, “and that hasn’t changed. What I want hasn’t changed.”

Nat rolled her eyes. “Her. You want her, stupid. The rest of it is called compromise. You should look it up sometime. Y/N can stop moping around, you can come back from the dim place. Everyone can be back to their normal lives.”

“The dim place?” Sam repeated.

“Yeah, you know. Not the dark place. He’s been in the dark place. This sucks but it’s not as bad as the dark place.”

“Makes sense,” Steve commented; Bucky looked to him for confirmation that his best friend agreed with Nat. “Hey, it’s not bad advice. I mean, she's also the one who told me to ask out the chick in accounting with a lip piercing.”

Nat punched Steve playfully in the shoulder. “Hey, she was nice!”

They all laughed about the idea of a freshly-thawed Steve dating a girl with a lip piercing; Bucky had to admit, it was nice to have the attention off of him and Y/N and on to a different subject.

Attention rescue team; emergency extraction call received. Departure in three minutes and counting. Rescue team; extraction mission imminent. Three minutes and counting.

FRIDAY’s voice pulled most of them from a steady — or not-so-steady — sleep and into action mode. A team raced for the quinjet, in uniform and ready for a debriefing as the jet took off.

“Secretary of State was abducted by a Russian militia organization. Our job is to go in, extract, get him home. I’m waiting now for reports on what kind of arms they have on the ground,” Tony informed as he set their destination into the navigation system.

Y/N buckled in and let out a deep breath. Flying was something she was getting more used to, but she did better when she knew the flight was coming. Several minutes into the flight, her tension was redirected from a few bumps of turbulence to the unexpected hand on her shoulder.

“You doing okay?” Bucky asked.

She pulled her shoulder from his touch. “Yeah, fine. I’m always fine.”

He smirked just a little. "I know you are, but the flying …”

“I’m great, Sergeant Barnes. Just peachy.”

Bucky pressed his lips into a thin line and he sat back in his seat. Y/N kept her eyes forward, her expression stoic, even as Tony took the jet higher. Her jaw was clenched though, giving away her nerves. Bucky decided the best thing to do would be to keep an eye on her; be supportive from a distance.

The mission started out well enough. They located the Secretary easily — too easily, really. Nat, Wanda, and Clint went ahead of the group to keep the path clear back to the quinjet; Tony and Rhodey were on either side of the Secretary; Y/N and Steve were right behind him; Bucky brought up the rear.

No one was quite sure where the first shots came from. The Secretary groaned and grabbed for his left shoulder as more bullets whizzed past the group. Tony and Rhodes took one arm each and flew him back to the quinjet while the rest of them went on the defensive.

Y/N was taking a mental head count of everyone running in front of her; Nat, Wanda, Clint, Steve — check all. Where was Bucky? Emotions took over and she spoke into the comm.

“Barnes, send back.” When no answer came, she stopped in her tracks. “Barnes! Send back!”

Still no answer. Her eyes met Steve’s for a brief second before she was turning and running the other direction, away from the rest of them. Steve was yelling behind her but she wasn’t about to stop and wait for whatever it is he had to say. As she got back to where the shooting had started, she started calling Bucky’s name. Her heart raced with frantic emotion at the million possibilities that could be keeping Bucky behind.

A Russian militiaman was positioned over Bucky, fists flying. Bright red blood pooled under Bucky’s thighs and spurting with each heartbeat made Y/N panic that his wounds were fatal as is, without a beating on top of it. A feral yell rumbled from deep in her chest as she rushed the other man, knocking him away from Bucky and tackling him to the ground.

Her own fists were flying now, lashing out at the man who might dare to take Bucky away from her. Somewhere in her mind, Y/N knew that getting Bucky medical attention needed to be a priority, but she couldn’t stop her anger from taking control at that moment.

“Y/N, hey, come on! Enough!” Steve yelled, finally catching up to her. He pulled her away from the Russian, who had gone unconscious at some point. His face was bloody and mangled, but his own people would have to take care of him.

Steve assessed Bucky’s other injuries while Y/N used her belt as a tourniquet around his leg. Between the two of them, they managed to get him back to the quinjet without much more incident; the second the were on board, Tony raised the bridge and took off.

“What happened?” Nat questioned, helping to get Bucky laying down. She grabbed for a first aid kid and found some gauze to place over the bullet wound while Y/N threw her gloves off and took his face in her hands.

“Bucky! Can you hear me? Look at me, Buck! You stay with us, all right? We’re going to get you back, they’re going to take care of you. But you have to fight too, you have to stay with me,” she pleaded, tears filling her eyes when his eyes met hers. “Please, Bucky. You can’t leave me like this, okay? We’ve got too many days of awkward interactions ahead of us.”

Bucky’s mouth pulled into a weak smirk as his cold, shaky hand came up to her cheek. Y/N leaned into it, still pleading quietly with him not to leave her like this.

“Everything’s okay,” Bucky whispered, only a couple of seconds before his eyes closed and his hand fell away from her face.

Hours passed in agony as you waited outside the medical bay for any updates on Bucky’s health. She didn’t change out of her uniform, didn’t bother to get cleaned up, only followed his gurney as far as they would let her go. After that, she found a chair and fell into it, determined not to move until she had some concrete information.

“Here,” Nat said, nudging her with an elbow. “Water and coffee. I’ll bring you food when you can stomach it.”

Y/N took the water bottle first, downed half of it, then set it aside and sipped at the coffee. She probably did need to eat, but the very idea of food make her stomach churn. Nat stayed but didn’t speak. Y/N waited a full minute before she broke the silence.

“He was trying.”

Nat frowned. “Bucky?”

Y/N nodded. “On the quinjet. He knew I was going to be anxious about the flight and he asked if I was okay. I blew him off. I didn’t want his sympathy because I’m still so mad at him. How could he think that I was — that I couldn’t understand where he was coming from? Maybe not to the extent that it was happening, but I’m not innocent, Nat.” She scoffed. “And how could I not be more understanding? How could I walk away from him and not show him how much I love him. How much I need him.”

“You need each other,” Nat offered.

“Yeah. I think you’re right.”

She sat silently with Nat for the next several hours. There was still no word, and no one would let them into the medical bay. Nat had finally convinced Y/N that she needed to shower when Dr. Cho came out to update them. Y/N bumped into Nat, she turned around so fast after hearing her name being called.

Helen drew in a deep breath. “Bullet nicked his femoral artery, but fortunately, I think his advanced healing process saved his life. We did the rest of the surgical repairs and I believe if he can pull through the next couple of days, he should be in the clear.”

Both Nat and Y/N breathed a sigh of relief. The women hugged briefly before Y/N asked if she could see him.

Helen smiled. “Of course; he’s been asking for you. We wanted to give him time to pull it together after the surgery.”

But Y/N only the first of Helen’s sentence. She raced into the medical bay, stopping once to ask which room Bucky was in. When she got there, she was nearly breathless.

“Wondered if you were gonna come see me,” Bucky mumbled, giving her as much of a smile as he could manage.

She stood next to his bed and took his vibranium hand. “Bucky, I’m so sorry …”

“Hey, you’re not the one who shot me.”

“Don’t joke,” Y/N scolded. “You know what I mean. I shouldn’t have walked away, shouldn’t have brushed you off in the jet. What if you hadn’t made it?”

Bucky squeezed her hand. "Hey, c’mon, sweetheart. I’m all right. I’ve been through worse than this.”

“But not with me so mad at you,” she whispered. “I don't want to do this anymore, Buck. I don't care how much we fight or how much we push each other away. I don't want to have the horrendously gigantic cloud lingering over me that one of us could die and you wouldn't know how much I love you.”

Bucky reached up to caress her cheek; this time, his hand was warm, steady. “I can't promise to give you everything you want right away. I still am who I am, Y/N. But I sure as hell can try.”

She leaned over to place a soft kiss on his lips. “Who you are is exactly who I fell in love with. Trying is all I ask.”

He pulled her in for another kiss. There would be plenty more to be discussed, when Bucky was fully on the mend and ready for it. The fights would come, the darker days would come. As long as neither of them gave up on each other, though, there would always be a light in the darkness.

AllOfTheThings: @captain-s-rogers @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @hurricanerin @horsesandbandsforlife @im-not-an-armrest-im-short @shynara51 @sea040561 @pinknerdpanda @xtina2191 @gifted-burnout @beakami @heartsaved @fullprunerebelstatesman @blackwidowismyhomegirl @averyrogers83 @jennmurawski13 @connie326 @disastersoldierbucky

Buckvember (Not already included in AotT): @peace-love-hobbitness @rebekahdawkins @wonder-cole

#marvelfluffbingo2020 #buckybarnesbingo2020 #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #buckvember #buckvember queue

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amazildoessomethingstupid · 3 years ago

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Chapter 68: December

Hey guys, welcome back. As you can tell by the title, we have a very special rant in store. As you guys may know, this rant series is meant to be about me catching up with BCB and where it’s been going recently, and give my thoughts about it. But today we are going to be doing something a little different, instead we are going to go back. And I mean WAY back. To one of if not the most notorious, the most infamous chapter in all of Bittersweet Candy Bowl. That’s right boys and girls…

WARNING: Very long Tumblr breaking rant below the break.

If you’re wondering why I’m doing this, it’s mostly because I wanted to do another Let’s Rant video but most of the boys don’t know about BCB. So when I made comparisons to December, they didn’t really understand what I was talking about. And I know that some of you new viewers may not understand why people hate December as much as we do. To really understand, you must put yourself in the shoes of a dedicated reader. Back to the year of 2011, a simpler time. A dark time. And we start off with one of my personal favorite pages in Bittersweet Candy Bowl.

SNOW. FUCKING SNOW!

FUCK. YEEEAAAAAAAH! LET’S HEAR IT FOR FUCKING SNNNNNNOOOOOWWWWWWWW!

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Alright that may seem like an over reaction, but let me set the stage for you alright, because at the time that this chapter came out I was a dedicated reader. And I mean full blown fan, waiting for the hour to change to read the pages as they came out. And at this time, Taeshi was going through a real rough time and it was quite apparent to everyone who was in the community. The plot seemed to stagnate, and there wasn’t much happening. Taeshi’s behavior had grown very strained and it was the common consensus that she needed to take a break.

So she did, and in order to take a break the upload schedule turned to two pages a week… The problem was that up to this point, Bittersweet Candy Bowl was uploading on an every other day upload schedule. Now the problem that comes when you slow down your schedule like that, is that it’s meant to be temporary, or that you compensate that with content in the pages and chapter that makes the wait more bearable or at least less tedious…

Now with all that in mind. Imagine if you will, that you had to wait 4 days for a new page to start a new chapter, and you were greeted by…

FUCKING SNOW! And a dread filled your heart as you realized you’d have to stare at snow for another full 2 days before you could look at something else, and hope that it’s more interesting than fucking. Snow.

The next page does not disappoint though, because now we actually have characters! And dialogue!

And look a joke, haha! Except

Look at all the characters in this page. You got Daisy, you got Paulo, you got abbey, you got David, you got sir Noodles, and you got a reinforcing action to remind us about how Abbey and Paulo’s relationship is.

Guess how how many or which of these characters actually matter in this chapter or have an effect on it. Can you guess?

Yup, yeah that’s right none of em. Not a single fucking one of these characters matter. Not a single fucking thing in this page fucking matters at all, it barely even constitutes as a set up for the rest of the chapter. Congratulations, we just wasted a week of your time. Actually I was wrong, you know what the one and only thing that this page does that means anything?

There! That one fucking line. You waited a whole fucking week to digest two pages and all it really tells you that you didn’t know is what FUCKING TIME IT IS! EXCEPT EVEN THAT IS TOLD TO YOU

BY THE TITLE OF THE FUCKING CHAPTER! I am losing my shit this early because I want to make it abundantly clear just how infuriating this chapter was to read. This was when I realized we were in for a LONG ride. To better understand this, the chapters that preceded this one were centered around Lucy’s slow decline into depression, after her friendship with Mike had become fractured leading to her isolating (or at least distancing herself) from Mike (and the rest of the gang by proxy). This chapter was billed to be the culmination of all that fallout, which makes this pacing SO GRATING.

Thankfully page 3 actually does have characters that matter, and it actually is a set up for what the chapter is going to be centered around which is the kids working on a World War 2 Essay.

And we finally get a bit of substance to sink our teeth into! But before we go any further I should tell you a bit about my. Man. Mike. So Mike is a moody bitch. I talked a bit about what happened to Lucy, but Mike despite literally NOTHING happening to him directly since then aside from the rest of the gang not understanding why he wanted to separate from Lucy is still being moody and bitchy. And here we see him reach PEAK MOODY MIKE!

Haha that’s an actually good joke. I appreciated that when it came out.

And so, because Mike is being a moody bitch he ends up sealing his fate and is paired with Lucy. And for a second here, I had hope. Since Taeshi is pretty much declaring how frustrating and stupid Mike’s moodiness has been for the past number of chapters. Also while we’re here, I’d like to point out how everyone in this page apparently got their arm lopped off. I mean look!

At least Lucy was able to find her right arm at the end there. But also, look at Abbey!

Oh look at him, you can see how he cares about Mike’s position on distancing from Lucy! Awww such a good friend. Oh he’s definitely not going to make a heel turn and accuse others of not caring about Mike!

I am so glad I saved that image.

Anyway the next page is Mike and Lucy deciding to go to the library to work on the essay.

And then the page after that is Lucy trying to make an effort to ease the awkwardness, while Mike gives her the cold shoulder. Congratulations. We have spent a week, walking to the fucking library.

The monotony is broken up though, as we get to see that Augustus is at this library.

It doesn’t stop the back and forth that we just got in the last two pages from continuing though, and as a reminder this is all that we’ve been given to sustain ourselves for three whole weeks!

At least Augustus is able to break up this feet-dragging by giving us SOMETHING different to talk about.

Ooh look, something actually interesting! We get some insight into Lucy and Augustus’ relationship. For context, Augustus has been a very interesting side-character; one of the best. And his relationship with Lucy is a pretty nice one with its own complexities and great chemistry. As I’ve mentioned before, Lucy had spent the last few chapters isolating herself from Mike to try to let things cool off and respect his wishes. In that time, she ended up finding company in Augustus, the resident bad boy. He was suspected of attempted rape on Daisy, but we’re not talking about that.

Well maybe a little.

Lucy expresses what she’s dealing with and like before, she’s trying to find understanding from Augustus.

And he is having NONE OF IT! As someone who actually has serious problems, he calls Lucy out for being a privileged blue-eyed white cat whose only problem in life is being rejected by someone she loves.

But Augustus does give Lucy some advice, in how he sees and deals with his situation. Showing that while he does think Lucy is stupid for even thinking about killing herself over Mike, he does want to help her. It’s just…

He’s wrong. He’s so fucking wrong.

We now know through the power of hindsight, that Abbey and Daisy’s relationship was a total sham! It wasn’t a healthy loving relationship at all! It was all a lie!

GOTTA LOVE THEM RETCONS AMIRITE?!

Nah we haven’t even STARTED to begin.

Anyway, Augustus leaves and we’re back to this bullshit. Now Mike’s not just being moody, he’s being judgy!

Oh no, fuck you Lucy! I don’t want anything to do with you, I want you to be out of my life!

Hey, what are you doing, talking and having a conversation with someone I don’t care about? Stop being such a leech! Just because I don’t want you to be in my life, doesn’t mean you can just go and move on to find company in other people! Why don’t you just die alone and unloved like I tell you to?!

But don’t worry right after, Lucy breaks the ice and gets a smile out of the boy!

It’s a breath of fresh air, and we see the dynamic with the two is still there and-

No, I didn’t buy that when this page came out either. It’s meant to portray that Lucy can make Mike feel better and break him out of his funk, but…yeah at this point I knew better. By the way, it has now been one whole month of December.

And we’re only a third of the way through.

And thankfully we’re out of the library. And even more fortunately…

Taeshi learned that you don’t have to spend two whole updates on moving your characters from one location to the other! She’s learned you can smash two pages together and NOT WASTE YOUR AUDIENCE’S FUCKING TIME!

As for the actual content of this page, Lucy and Mike go to Mike’s house and we get a bit of Lucy interacting with Mike’s family, and how they get along well. Mike’s still moody as ever though, and we get our first glimpse that things aren’t perfect for him. Also

RIP the boy, Chris. he ain’t dead but I do miss him.

Anyway, the two go to Mike’s room to study, and it’s still awkward until Lucy breaks the silence!

Old joke is old, but I love it nonetheless.

Okay, enough foolin’ around. Actually Lucy decides that she’s tired of pussyfooting around, and decides to say, “fuck it” and let off some steam by playing some video games like old times!

Mike is of course denying it and content in stewing in his anger. But lucy is adamant about doing something to break this stupid cycle of drama. I like it. Even though I didn’t buy the bit of Lucy making Mike laugh by showing a funny face, this one I do like. And while some (especially at the time) would point to this as an example of Lucy emotionally manipulating Mike to get what she wants in making him not angry at her, I would say-

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME HAVE THIS ONE, JUST THIS ONCE! I HAVE BEEN SO GOD DAMN CONTENT STARVED, THIS FUCKING DRAMA HAS BEEN GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS! MIKE AND LUCY HAVEN’T TALKED OR ADVANCED THEIR POSITIONS IN MONTHS! LET ME EMBRACE THIS ONE LIGHT IN DARKNESS BEFORE IT IS SNUFFED OUT! LET. ME. HAVE. HOPE.

THANK YOU!

And so after a bit of a timelapse we get to see Mike and Lucy playing together, and how the turns tabled!

It’s great, and we even get a glimpse at how Lucy has been progressing herself. Perhaps the improvement in gaming being a metaphor of her own self-improvement.

We even get a bit of Mike reflecting and thinking how it is nice. And remembering that Lucy isn’t really that bad.

The scene continues, and we get a peek into Mike’s circumstance. As Mike kind of reveals that he himself has felt quite alone without Lucy there. And it’s really touching, it’s good character development.

And Lucy continues to take initiative to stop the awkwardness, by giving Mike a distraction. Not looking to fill the hole in his heart, not looking to force him to accept her. But allowing him to enjoy himself in the moment. It’s nice. It’s…

Really…nice…

Y’know…

It really was nice.

Ladies and gentlemen.

This is December.

[redacted due to Tumblr purposes. insert the entire Mike yelling scene from January here]

One month. That’s how long this scene lasted in real-time. Everyone who was a fan in 2011, everyone who had been so deeply invested in these characters watching them grow, interact, struggle, and suffer for years. All of them could only watch for one entire month as Taeshi ripped their hearts out. People defended this scene when it came out. There’s still people who defend this scene to this day, saying that Mike was right. I wasn’t one of those people. When this scene came out, I was shocked. I couldn’t understand what was going on, but I knew it was wrong. It was the first time I ever got into a discussion about BCB, because I just had to understand what the fuck was happening and why. Why is this happening? Why would Mike do this? How is this possible? And the only response I got, was that I just couldn’t understand. And y’know…

They were right. I didn’t understand. I was never really abused as a child. I never had bad friends, or was really bullied (except one time). There was no way I could grasp what the fuck just happened. Which felt so bizarre, because when this chapter came out…I was 15. I was the same age as these characters and I couldn’t fathom doing what Mike just did. I couldn’t imagine any of my friends saying what Mike just said. And yet everyone else seemed to understand, to the point I thought that I was the weird one. Did I just fucking win the social lottery or something and just not have any shitty friends?

Maybe so…But y’know after all these years, stewing and thinking about December which has haunted me as I’m sure it has, many other readers. And after all this time, running it around my head, and arguing about it, I think I finally understand. I get it…I finally get what Mike’s saying here.

That being said, no this scene is still bullshit.

Now let me tell you why.

First of all, look at this face.

Just look at this dopey doe-eyed cute cat right here, BECAUSE YOU WILL NEVER SEE THAT AGAIN.

But just to recap, let’s start with the actual preamble to the bullshit. Mike gets a text from Sandy which makes him revert back to his moody Mike self. And I will say at least here, Mike is in character. He’s been a bitch this whole chapter, and he’s just snapping back to it because he is reminded “Oh yeah, Sandy exists!” so he tells Lucy to beat it.

Lucy is understandably frustrated because we were seeming to finally get to a better place between these two characters. And instead of Mike being upfront about what his problem is, he chooses to shutdown the conversation and act like there’s nothing. Or to put it in another way…

So what exactly is causing Mike to revert to his moody mode?

Right, right, of course. It’s because Sandy’s coming! And just to catch up those of us blessed enough to not remember…

This is Sandy. Mike’s long time long-distance girlfriend and central conflict for BCB for the last…well for pretty much most of BCB at this point. Mike loves her, bordering on the point of obsession. To where most of his actions in BCB can be linked directly to Sandy. We’ll get to that later, but this is all you really need to know right now. Just briefly keep it in mind,

Lucy is surprisingly taking it in stride, or at least trying to be supportive of Mike and Sandy’s relationship. Obviously it does hurt her, but she is trying to make the best of it. Taking what Augustus had said to heart, in accepting Mike and Sandy’s relationship but still trying to be there for Mike. Using that to grow and maybe be a stronger person.

But sadly…this is December.

And nothing is allowed to grow in December.

Well…yes. Partly because we were literally told NINE PAGES AGO!

I believe this is what the kids call…gaslighting. But I prefer to call it

BULLSHIT!

But now we’re getting into it…

Let’s dig into the real hard bullshit of December.

You ready?

I’m ready.

Yes, right. Lucy is a bitch who has absolutely nothing for Mike, and never acted like a friend, or god forbid did something selfless for Mike like oh I don’t know…

Risking her life to try to save you from drowning, when she herself couldn’t swim and knew it could very well lead to her death.

Or what about when she was almost raped, and put literally put herself between you and danger!

TWICE! Wait, what the hell? They changed Confrontation! She’s supposed to say…

Because before mike got pinned he was saying…

That was like an actually cool and bad ass line. One of the best moments in BCB, why would you change it? Why would you change it to something as soft as that? And I’m the guy who wrote a comic where the moral of the story is that you can solve everything through the power of friendship!

But I digress. Was Lucy mean to Mike? Yeah. Did she pick on him a lot in the early chapters? Sure! But here’s the thing that people seem to forget about those early volumes…

Mike was kind of a little shit back then!

Lucy often picked on Mike because he was doing something wrong like trying to treat her like Sandy.

And lest you forget, Mike was more than capable of doing the exact same things!

Yes Lucy picked on Mike, but Mike also gave shit to Lucy. They both were active participants in giving shit to one another, but no it’s not bullying. It’s giving someone shit for doing something stupid, to keep them grounded, it’s a form of support that helps to build someone up not just through violent means, but because you care enough to want them to stop being stupid. And as the saying goes, “A good friend will hold you and support you to tell you everything will be okay no matter what. Your best friend, will kick you in the side and tell you to stop being a pussy and get over it.”

BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS FUCKING DO! THEY DON’T LIFT YOU UP! THEY MAKE YOU PICK YOURSELF UP! AND Y’KNOW WHY MIKE IS THINKING THIS WAY? YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT THE FUCKING CHERRY ON TOP OF THIS BULLSHIT CAKE IS?!

Sandy…

Mother…Fucking…Sandy. Up to this point Sandy herself had little to no presence as a person in this story. I mean she had an effect on a lot of things, but as an actual character we never got to see much of her personality outside of one standalone chapter: To the Top which only served to give us a shallow and basic understanding of her character. But even then, as far as actual personality, writing, hobbies, and chemistry we really didn’t get much at all as far as understanding who she is. The only things we knew for certain was that she’s in a long-term long-distance relationship with Mike. She’s a model. She goes to school. And she’s beautiful. That’s it. But that in and of itself doesn’t make Sandy a bad character. I mean for cryin’ out loud, two my favorite characters that I shoe-horn into all my projects are McCain and Carter. And they’re the most one-note characters in this comic! No, the problem with Sandy isn’t that we don’t know anything about her. It’s that despite us knowing nothing about her, Sandy has her fingerprints on almost every fucking conflict in Bittersweet Candy Bowl. And worse, the only purpose she seems to have on the comic is INFLUENCING MIKE! Let me pull some examples…

Mike and Lucy go on an adventure into the city which fleshes out the inner problems in their relationship.

Because Sandy might be there.

Mike and Lucy are starting to act awkward with each other, and it’s making everyone take notice. Why?

Because Mike is delusional about Sandy.

In the chapter directly after that, Mike is now suddenly obnoxiously happy and giddy, why?

Because he finally got to talk with Sandy!

It’s Christmas time, and Tess is having a party and Mike’s coming, why?

BECAUSE OF FUCKING SANDY!

Mike rebuffs Daisy’s advances during the carnival date…why?

Because of Sandy!

Although, to be fair of course there WAS a lot of other things going on in that scene, primarily Daisy being REALLY pushy, and needy. So it’s not JUST because of Sandy. It was because we just weren’t ready for Slut Daisy. The Free Daisy.

Tess is organizing a group vacation trip to Acapulco!

And what’s this? Mike doesn’t want to go? Is it because he thinks Lucy is gonna go and he wants to separate himself from her? Is it because he’s finally woken up and decided to stand up for himself?!

NO YOU FUCKING IDIOT! IT’S BECAUSE OF MOTHER FUCKING SANDY! AND THE WORST PART OF IT ALL, IS THAT NONE OF THESE SCENES ARE EVER DIRECTLY BECAUSE OF SANDY’S ACTIONS AS A PERSON! IT’S LITERALLY JUST BECAUSE SHE EXISTS! YOU COULD MAKE UP ANYTHING ABOUT SANDY, AND SHE WOULD STILL HAVE THE SAME FUCKING IMPACT ON THE STORY THAT SHE HAS HAD UP TO THIS POINT! All that Sandy’s character has been used for is just a means of influencing Mike!

And that’s not a character…that’s a plot device.

And nothing makes that point more clear…than this scene.

We get a scene where Mike is talking with Sandy, and he shows how over and over, Lucy’s jabs and abuses which were played for laughs in Volume 1 apparently were a super serious problem and we should’ve seen them as such. Now as a reader, I didn’t buy that for a fucking second, for reasons I’ve already explained. However, Sandy being on the other side of that long-distance relationship doesn’t fully understand the situation. But still she’s very worried and concerned for Mike, which leads to this.

Sandy making Mike hate Lucy. Some have pointed out that this is actually a good scene. Because here we get to see that Sandy at least cares about Mike. Except that, if you strip away those tears, and all the bullshit. What little characterization we get here, which is shit we already know in Sandy caring about Mike and Lucy’s relationship. Is something we should already know. She’s in a long-term long-distance relationship with Mike SHE FUCKING BETTER CARE ABOUT LUCY! The problem though, is like I said… Sandy isn’t treated like a fucking character. She’s treated like a fucking plot device! If she were an actual character, we should’ve seen her actually have a back and forth with Mike. The whole conversation about Lucy should’ve come up a LONG time ago. Because if she were treated like an actual character with agency…

She would’ve already known this.

You telling me that after how many phone calls, in the time that elapsed between these phone scenes Mike never actually told her about Lucy; the other biggest part of his life?! Did Mike never tell her about the amount of times that Lucy almost died to save his life? Or the amount of times he did the same for her? No! Because that would bring character growth. And we don’t want character growth.

We want to push this narrative! We want to implant these thoughts into Mike. We want him to have a victim complex so that he can do shit like THIS!

We want to push this plot point. And Sandy is the vessel to drive it off the cliff. This is why I fucking hate December. Because worst of all THIS…

Is no longer Mike speaking. This is Sandy’s influence speaking. Now LITERALLY ALL THE FUCKING SHIT THAT MIKE PEDALLED ABOUT NOT WANTING TO BE LUCY’S BABY SITTER AND BULLSHIT, CAN NOW BE ATTRIBUTED TO SANDY INFLUENCING HOW MIKE SEES HIS OWN FRIENDSHIP! And since we don’t have a clear timeframe of where these calls were made, and when exactly Sandy got through to Mike, that means you could pick any time where Mike was being cold or distancing from Lucy and blame it on Sandy! Including…

This scene…

Lest you think characters were the only casualty of December’s nuclear blast, it took with it one of the most emotionally tense and moving chapters of Bittersweet Candy Bowl: A Distance Apart.

I’ve already talked about this chapter in my rant on Golden Hour (aka December 2: homosexual boogaloo) so I’m not gonna get too into how the perspective of this chapter was changed because of December, but I will say that lines like the above now are specifically what’s tainted because of December. No longer is this Mike realizing that Lucy isn’t who he thinks she is, or him realizing that their relationship is not a healthy one on his own. It’s because as he said himself!

It’s Sandy’s fault. Because all she heard about Lucy was the negative, and now all Mike can see is the negative. And this chapter is saying it’s all Sandy’s fault that Mike now has a victim complex and it’s totally fair for him to say what he’s about to say.

WAIT! DID YOU JUST SAY…

JANUARY?!

Hah, nah I’m just fuckin’ with ya. We’re trying to stay focused here, so I’m holding off on the January references. Don’t worry kids, you’re safe for now.

For now…

Let’s unpack this first, because believe it or not we still have a LOT of ground to cover. Specifically, let’s talk about Mike’s glorious plan to leave the table!

God it is taking a lot to not just paste panels from Daisy’s rant in January. You people have no idea… But to summarize, this is fucking stupid at best and manipulative at worst. What Mike is talking about, is selfishly pide-pipering their whole friend group (minus Tess because Tess doesn’t exist anymore) away from Lucy, and he’s betting all of that on the fact that he knows Daisy is still head over heels for him. And what’s absolutely stupid about this fucking idea (which by the way seems to be premeditated so this can’t even be blamed on Sandy) is that if this was Mike’s plan all along. And December didn’t happen, and he did this table move guess what? Sure. Daisy follows Mike, Abbey and Paulo follow Daisy, and David follows Paulo…and then they invite Lucy, because in case you forgot SHE’S THEIR FRIEND TOO! (also I just noticed Mike completely forgot about Susan. That’s kinda fucked up, dude.)

But not as fucked up as this! Seriously, that’s a fucking low blow. And so fucking judgy. I guess we now know where Abbey learned to stoop so low while grand standing on his high horse! And yes I have heard the “muh hormones” and “they’re just KiDs!” excuses. But none of that really explains…

WHY THE FUCK DOES MIKE CARE?! DO YOU SERIOUSLY CARE IF LUCY (as you would put it) LEACHES OFF OF PAULO? HE’S LIKE ONE OF THE TOP OFFENDERS FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY ABUSED YOU! THE MOTHERFUCKER SICCED A GAGGLE OF GIRLS TO BEAT UP ON YOU FOR BEING A “CHEATER”! Or are you worried because if Lucy clings to Paulo, then it ruins your fool-proof plan of going to another table since she’ll follow Paulo? OH NO, WE’VE FOUND A HOLE IN YOUR INGENIOUS PLAN! But speaking of worst offenders…

THIS. LINE. THIS FUCKING LINE! I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what the fuck you think. YOU DO NOT COME BACK FROM SAYING THIS. YOU CAN NOT FUCKING SAY THIS SHIT, AND THEN BE THE GOOD GUY! This is the point where I and many others realized Mike, was too far gone. And yet SOME PEOPLE WILL STILL ARGUE ABOUT THIS SHIT!

Oh you don’t understand, Amazil! He is just a stupid 16 year old ball of emotions and hormones! This has been building up THIS ENTIRE TIME! You even pointed out how Mike’s frustrations have been hinted at since the Vacation Arc! Obviously this has been hinted at for years! You’re just too ignorant to understand what Mike’s doing here! Of course he’s being overly cruel here, he feels backed into a corner, and is facing off against his abuser!

Now listen here, you may be right. I can’t, I hope, and I am grateful that; I don’t fully understand how it feels to be abused for all my life. But what I do know, is that NO ONE. Child, Teenager, or adult. Would fucking stoop that fucking low, and think they have any business. Any chance. Of coming back from that terribly burnt bridge. No one is that fucking ignorant! WHEN YOU BURN A BRIDGE LIKE THAT, WHEN YOU GO THAT FAR, YOU BETTER FUCKING BE READY TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES! AND MIKE AT THIS POINT, SHOULD KNOW VERY WELL WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES MAY INCLUDE! AS THE PERSON WHO KNOWS LUCY MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE ABOUT LUCY, HE SHOULD BE FULLY FUCKING AWARE WHAT SHE IS GOING TO FUCKING DO WHEN TOLD THAT SHE IS A PARASITE AND THAT NO ONE FUCKING LOVES HER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT SHE WAS GOING TO FUCKING DO, MIKE?!

JESUS CHRIST, HE’S LITERALLY USING HER DEEPEST SECRETS AND HIDDEN INSECURITIES THAT ONLY HE KNOWS ABOUT AGAINST HER! HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SUPPORT THIS SHIT? AND FURTHERMORE, “Like I’m the only one who cares about you.” TO QUOTE YOU LITERALLY A PAGE AGO!

YOU FUCKING TOLD HER THAT NOBODY LOVES HER. AND THAT SHE’S A FUCKING PARASITE! HOW ARE YOU THIS FUCKING STUPID! HOW CAN YOU STILL THINK THAT YOU’RE IN THE RIGHT? HOW DO OTHER PEOPLE THINK YOU’RE IN THE RIGHT? HOW CAN YOU STOOP SO FUCKING LOW, WHILE GRAND STANDING ON YOUR HIGH HORSE?!

Now, imagine if you will, after 2 whole months of reading December. You sit there and you wonder what is going to happen now. What is left to say? What more is Mike going to do? I mean there’s no way this chapter can get any worse! There’s NO WAY that Mike can be any more of an asshole. It’s not possible! And as if to get one last knife twist out of you. To kill the last shred of hope you had, that maybe. Just maybe this could be salvaged, and Mike can’t be worse… Taeshi does this.

….

Y’know, I once heard a story that someone actually killed themselves over BCB.

And I completely believe that. Two whole months we spent, having to watch week after week as this character we cared about. Rips apart the other character we’ve spent so much time learning about, growing with, understanding, and learning to love. And how do you end this chapter?

Grindingly slow. With Lucy throwing up, then eyeing Mike’s phone.

Followed by a nothing page where Mike’s happy.

Another nothing page where Mike goes to his room.

Dialogue that means nothing.

A whole fucking page of Lucy leaving.

MORE FUCKING SNOW

And one last lie.

And that, kids. Is the chapter of December. The most infamous chapter in all of Bittersweet Candy Bowl. And I hope you’re starting to understand why that is the case. Although, I’m sure a lot of you may have some contentions especially given the newer chapters that have come out. I mean, I often compare bad or infuriating scenes to December. And many may wonder or feel like those chapters are worse than December. I mean sure Mike ripping into Lucy is bad…

But what about the one-sided and almost carbon copy of December in Golden Hour?

Or what about Guest of Honor with it’s Abbey Smash?

And what about the second coming of the Carnival Chapter, with its DISGUSTING implications?

Or lest we all forget the wonderous return of Lucy herself, in Love Again! All of these chapters are fucking terrible in their own right. And it’s debatable how they ruin some characters worse than December. But there’s one very important factor that is lost to us now, that makes December in my eyes worse than any other chapter that Taeshi has put out. One singular thing makes December worse than anything Taeshi has come out with so far… And what is that factor?

Why, it’s TIME my dear reader. Time is what sets December apart from every other chapter. Readers at the time had to spend three whole months waiting for this chapter to end. We stared at each singular page for days, waiting hours on end, hoping that the next page would somehow be better, or give us an out. Instead it got worse and worse and worse. But what also sets it apart from all those other chapters I’ve mentioned is that, unlike Guest of Honor, Golden Hour, or Return to Carnival chapter; December was a very important moment in Bittersweet Candy Bowl. Not only because of how it changed the character, but because it is one of the only times in this fucking comic where the plot actually starts to develop. And we finally get a clear conflict to grasp onto and focus on.

In the chapters that came before December, the conflict of Mike and Lucy was just slowly getting worse and worse. And for the most part it just seemed to stagnate, with Lucy trying to keep her distance from Mike, and Mike constantly giving Lucy the cold shoulder. And everyone else having to deal with that. December was meant to be (and it did succeed in becoming) a bombshell chapter. A big revelation moment where things finally kick into high gear. Like, “Oh man that was brutal!” “What’s gonna happen now? Sandy is coming!” “Lucy just got fucking REKT!” “What is she gonna do?” “Taeshi just dropped the biggest bomb on top of us, where is she gonna take us? How are we going to follow up this momentum?!”

BY RELEASING ONE OF THE LONGEST. MOST NEEDLESS CHAPTERS EVER!

FOURTY EIGHT FUCKING PAGES. ALMOST FOUR MONTHS DEDICATED TO A PLOT POINT THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE GIANT NUCLEAR BOMBSHELL THAT WAS JUST DROPPED ON US! And it’s especially needless because the entire point of this chapter is to tell us that Abbey’s mom died. Except that WE ALREADY THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD! Oh you mean this character who all we know about was that she in a terribly abusive marriage, who we have not heard from since Abbey was introduced into the comic, who was in such a terrible state that she left her son and daughter orphaned. You mean the person so fucked up, that the last time we saw them was on a fucking stretcher is…DEAD?! SAY IT AIN’T SO! Y’know, it would’ve actually been more of a twist, and a lot more interesting if we found out ABBEY’S MOM WAS ACTUALLY ALIVE!

INSTEAD OF BUILDING OFF THE FUCKING MOMENTUM THAT YOU JUST SET UP, WE GET STRUNG ALONG FOR FOURTY EIGHT FUCKING PAGES! INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON LUCY, AND USING DECEMBER AS A LAUNCHING POINT TO DRIVE THE FUCKING PLOT, ALL OF THE MOMENTUM IS GROUND TO A FUCKING HALT IN SERVICE OF A PLOT POINT THAT ULTIMATELY DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER! And if you made it through that and was hoping, “okay NOW we can start to get into the actual plot! NOW we can focus on Lucy, and what the aftermath of December is! Well…

youtube

Paulo tries to give a cake to Lucy, and he mostly fails, giving us

NOTHING!

Just beautiful! The one chapter where it would be okay to not give all the attention to Mike and Lucy’s relationship. The one chapter where we could maybe get to see Sandy be a character! Mike X Lucy is fucked, but maybe we can find comfort in Mike X Sandy! Maybe we can have some sweet moments, and strengthen this central love triangle that we’ve been dancing around for all these years! Maybe, just maybe, Sandy can be more than just a fucking plot device!

BUT NOPE! SHE’S JUST THERE TO BE USED SO THAT MIKE CAN REALIZE THAT HE WAS WRONG AND FEEL BAD, SO HE CAN TRY TO MAKE IT UP TO LUCY! TOO BAD IT’S TOO LATE, SO IF YOU WERE LOOKING TO HAVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT EITHER FROM LUCY OR SANDY, I’M SORRY BUT YOU GET

TWO BIG HEAPING SERVINGS OF NOTHING!

AND IF YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE STARVING FOR CONTENT BEFORE, BRACE YOURSELF FOR A ONE-PAGE CHAPTER THAT GIVES YOU

NOTHING!

AND I HOPE YOU FUCKING LIKE THAT ONE-PAGE BECAUSE YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO LOOK AT IT FOR

FOUR

WHOLE

MONTHS!

Although… to be fair, I think during that hiatus period Taeshi had guest comics and exclusive content to keep us occupied, but you get the point. As for the rest of the chapters…

Paulo breaks up with Jasmine in the most hackneyed fucking way possible, and we get a fake-out of Lucy’s suicide attempt.

We finally get the play chapter, and it teases us with the idea that Lucy and Mike are getting better except that no one falls for it because IT’S IN THE PLAY. AND WE ALL KNOW THAT IT’S JUST AN ACT AND IT’S FUCKING…

youtube

And then Lucy finally attempts suicide and it’s all OFF-SCREEN! THEY KILLED OFF THE MAIN CHARACTER! THE ONE FUCKING BIT THAT WE WERE ALL LOOKING FORWARD TO, AND IT’S OFF-SCREEN!

Do you see what I mean now? December isn’t just a fucking chapter. It’s an arc. The most teeth grindingly slow, and agonizing arc Taeshi ever made! This is why December is and always will be the absolute fucking worst! It’s like Taeshi knew what we wanted and refused to deliver! Instead being content with teasing the readers over and over for almost two years, with the prospect of seeing Lucy go through a depression arc. Instead, we’re focused on literally everyone else and all of Lucy’s inner turmoil, heartbreak, thoughts, and progressions are just hinted at and we’re just left in the dark. We never got to see Lucy in her final moments. What was she doing? What was she thinking? Where was she? How is she doing? We wouldn’t get that information for

Nearly four years! And even then, IT WAS ALSO BULLSHIT! December is like a nuclear warhead of a bombshell that was dropped on us, except instead of going off and blowing us away, sending us to the greater plains. It just leaked radiation everywhere and killed us from the inside slowly. Its carbon footprint can be felt to this very day, we can’t get over December. Because THE COMIC ITSELF CAN NOT GET OVER DECEMBER! People who wanted to see Lucy become a better person, to see her try to get better, get help, or do SOMETHING! Would never get that relief. When I thought about December and how it treated its characters. I felt sorry for all the people who had to read this, who felt for Lucy. Who wanted to see her get better… I felt bad because I knew deep down that we were never going to get that story…

So I did it myself…

Don’t act surprised. You knew I was gonna go there. I literally warned you! There is no way in hell I’m gonna talk about December without bringing up the comic I literally made BECAUSE of December in: January. And this time we’re looking at January as a whole. Because now that you know WHY and WHAT I hate about December, you can start to see why January was made the way it was. I feel the need to explain this, because January still gets a bad rap by people saying that it’s “hate-filled” which it’s not. January is not a death threat , nor is it meant to say “I’m better than you”, it’s not a love note to BCB, it’s a Get Well Soon card. Not necessarily saying that I can do it better, but rather this is what you could’ve done. Whether or not it’s better is up to you to decide. And with that context, you can see why January was written the way it was. And it all starts with one simple change.

Instead of just outright removing December, the only thing I changed was that Mike didn’t get paired with Lucy and throw a fit. It doesn’t spitefully act like December never happened, in fact…

December plays out the exact same way as it did in the canon, just with Susan supplementing for Lucy. So Sandy’s still coming home, Mike’s still pissed at Lucy, and he’s planning on moving to a new table to get away from her. But because Lucy’s not there…

She’s able to fucking do something.

We get to see her try.

We get to see her fail.

We see how Mike’s plan comes to fruition.

We see how things fall apart, even with Lucy’s best efforts.

We see how December still takes its toll.

We get to see her snap out of it, briefly.

We see her at her lowest point.

We see what she’s thinking and why she’s doing what she’s doing.

We see her try to figure out what to do.

We see her picking up the pieces.

We see her take action to improve herself.

We see her getting help.

We see her taking action.

We see her getting better.

We see everyone come together to support her.

We see her at the end of her journey, come to terms with what she’s done. And wanting to improve not only herself, but her friendship with Mike. She shows maturity, empathy, and most importantly GROWTH as a character.

And in the end, the reader never gets to see how Mike and Lucy end up talking things out, but they can rest easy knowing that everything is going to be okay. And if THAT’S hate-filled, I don’t know what the fuck you’d call the canon’s handling of Lucy in the December arc.

The fact that we never got to see Lucy try.

The fact that the comic kept dicking us around, and baiting us with the inevitable.

The fact it KEPT FUCKING BAITING US WITH FALSE HOPE.

The fact we don’t get to even see her at the end of the line. The fact we had to wait three years for her to come back and let us know that she’s even ALIVE!

The fact that when she does comes back, SHE’S A HORRIBLE CUNTY SHELL OF THE PERSON SHE ONCE WAS…

That… is why December is the most infamous chapter in all of Bittersweet Candy Bowl. Not just because of what it did. But because of what it didn’t do. Because it promised the end to Mike and Lucy’s drama one way or another. It promised us that we were going to tackle these issues that Mike brought up in Lucy, but yet… Here we are.

Back to square fucking one. You know what they say…Those who don’t know their history are doomed to repeat it. So you better brush up on your December knowledge, or at least I hope this rant serves as a good refresher. Cause from the looks of it, we’ve been repeating these plot points for almost 10 years…

Y’know I thought I was actually going crazy there for a second. Obsessing and never getting over December for all these years. But now I see. This comic…never moved on from it. We’ve never recovered. We’ve been stuck in December for almost 10 years…

0/10 never forget…

#Bittersweet Candy Bowl #rant #holy shit this pushed the limits of Tumblr

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morceid · 4 years ago

Text

Beating The Dead Swan

Chapter 4: hold on for your life

read on ao3

<- chapter three

Summary: The team makes progress on the case and Spencer makes progress with Derek.

Word Count: 1.8k

Category: angst, some fluff

Content Warnings: drug mention, general criminal minds stuff

A/N: so sorry this took so long to finish writing! i just had some other things i needed to do for school stuff before i did this but enjoy!!

The next day Derek walked into the BAU, ready to give Hotch a rundown of how they were handling the case, but something caught his eye.

Through the windows of the office Spencer now occupied, there was an art easel propped up next to the couch. A sheet covered in various paints and colors laid on the floor as Spencer brushed a sky of purple and blue on the canvas.

“Whatcha doin’ there, kid?”

“Oh, oh hi Agent Morgan, I hope this is okay, I just wanted to paint.” Spencer stammered.

“It’s fine, it looks good too. How long have you been painting?”

“I’m fairly certain I was 8, could’ve been 9 though, my dad left around then and it’s all kind of blurry.”

A thick silence surrounded the two, the only sound being the brush against the cloth canvas.

“Um, I’m sorry. Anyways, what are you going to be doing today?” Spencer swiped his finger through the purple color he’d mixed and dabbed it across the wet paint.

“Well, Garcia is looking through the bank records of all the victims. If there’s anything suspicious then she’ll look into it and we might even take the case as a team, but for now it’s just me and her. I’m going to talk to my boss right now, I’ll talk to you later though.” Derek turned towards the doorway but Spencer stopped him.

“Morgan, uh, do you think, do you think you’ll catch whoever did this to Camille?”

“I sure hope we do. You deserve some closure. We all do.”

“Yeah, yeah just sometimes, it feels, I don’t know, captivating in all the wrong ways.”

“I know. But it gets better, I promise you. See you in a bit.” Derek left the office and headed towards the bullpen.

Spencer exhaled and studied the paint on his hand. The cold feeling, the intense smell, and the sound as he slapped it across the canvas.

“Hey, any updates?” Hotch asked Derek as he opened the door to his office.

“Nah, not really. All the people we’ve interviewed are completely innocent. Penelope’s checking men with sexual offenses that our victims could’ve interacted with but I’m not sure we’re gonna find anything.”

“Alright, you should probably check on that now, I’ll see you later if there are any updates.”

“See ya, boss.” Derek said as he walked back down the steps and across the hall to Penelope’s office.

“Hello my soulmate and love of my life Derek Morgan, how can I help you today?” Penelope excitedly exclaimed as Derek walked into her office.

“Hey baby girl, get anything from your search?”

“Unfortunately, no. None of the victims had close family that had both a connection to the company or a sexual offense, in fact there are no sex offenders in the area that have any connection to the company at all. They really do triple check everyone’s background.”

“There has got to be some connection somewhere. Did the M.E. do another tox screen?” Derek asked.

“Yep, and it seems that all of the victims had massive doses of ketamine in their systems.”

“Camille had ketamine in her blood?” Spencer walked into the office and started the two.

“Oh! Spencer, you can’t be in here, not right now.” Derek rushed to take him out of the room.

“Wh- why can’t I? Camille was my friend, I deserve to know about her. Did she have drugs in her body?”

“Spencer, you can’t be interrupting an investigation. I’m sorry, but you need to go back to your office.”

Spencer stops trying to push against Derek and exhales, trying to catch his breath. They walked back towards the office they now called home while squeezing his hands in intervals of three, a trick to calm himself down Camille had taught him. He fell onto the couch and fell asleep quickly, deciding not to fight the tired feeling his eyes gave him.

They woke up what felt like around thirty minutes later, but the digital clock he set on the table next to the brown leather couch read 11:43. He got up and grabbed flannel pants and a sweater from his bag of clothes and headed to the bathroom to change into the pajamas. They grabbed his chess set from his office and went into the breakroom. Their stomach growled and they recalled that they went to Penelope’s office earlier to ask if he could have the rest of the soup. He looked around the bullpen, wondering if they’d mind if he ate something from the fridge.

Agent Rossi walked out of his office and took notice of Spencer.

“Hey, what are you doing up? The only person here this late is generally that guy.” Rossi pointed towards Agent Hotchner’s office. The microwave on the counter now displayed 12:06.

“I-I took an unexpectedly long nap and uh, I didn’t eat lunch or dinner to- well technically yesterday now, uh, c-could I have something from the fridge?” Spencer stammered.

“Of course, kid. In fact, there’s some of my signature pasta in there. I make it weekly for the rest of the team, but today Derek ordered something for lunch so he didn’t eat his. You can have it if you want.”

“Thank you, Agent Rossi.” Spencer took the tupperware container out of the refrigerator and put it in the microwave.

“You can just call me Rossi, you don’t have to do the whole Agent thing,” Rossi said as he sat on the other side of Spencer’s chess game. “I didn’t know you played.”

The microwave beeped and Spencer took the bowl out and stirred it around with a fork. They brought it to the table, eating it as they moved a chess piece.

“Yeah, Camille gave me this set for my birthday, which actually isn't for another couple weeks but she didn’t want to wait.”

“You know, I had this old friend, Jason Gideon, he played chess. I think you’d like him. He’s the one who taught me.” Rossi moved his own chess piece.

“He sounds interesting. I fell asleep before Morgan could tell me anything, but have you made any good progress on the case?”

“A little. We found out how all of the girls died but we just can’t seem to figure out why the unsub did this.”

“Unsub?” Spencer said, moving another chess piece.

“Unknown Subject, it’s what we call the murderer. I’ve looked over your files, you seem like a really smart person.”

“Yeah, I uh, I can read pretty fast. I have an eidetic memory, too. I was a pretty good punching bag as a kid.”

“The world will see something amazing and try to take it for their own.” Rossi absentmindedly moved a piece.

“Yeah, I guess that’s one way of looking at it.”

“So, I’m assuming you don’t have much of a record with the ladies?”

“None at all. I’ve been intrigued by a couple guys, but they’ve all turned me down or turned out to be assholes,” Spencer laughed and moved another one of his pieces before taking another bite of spaghetti. “What about you? You’ve got to have courted some girl with this amazing pasta.”

“Yeah, I have, I actually got three ex wives.”

“Wow, that’s impressive.”

“Depends on your definition of impressive,” It was Rossi’s turn to laugh and move a piece. “You’ve got your eyes on him, don’t you?”

Spencer looked puzzled for a second before Rossi nudged the tupperware lid that had Derek’s name written across the top.

“Maybe, just a little bit. I’d be lying if I didn’t think he was attractive,” Spencer moved a piece. “Check.”

“I think he might like you too.” Rossi moved a piece.

“I don’t. He’s nice, but I don’t think he’d like me back.” Spencer moved a piece.

“I know you haven’t known me for long, Spencer, but I’m right about this,” Rossi moved another piece. “Checkmate. You’re smart, but you’ve still got a lot to learn.”

Rossi got up from the table and started walking out to his car. Spencer packed up his chess set and made a pot of coffee before heading to their office. For the rest of the night they drank his coffee and worked on the painting still sitting on the easel.

At around six in the morning Spencer was getting ready to brew another pot of coffee and JJ walked into the breakroom.

“Oh! Hi, uh, are you gonna be here long?” JJ asked.

“Uh, no, why?”

“Uh, Agent Hotchner called us in because he found something with the case. You’re not gonna be allowed in here when he’s telling us, I’m sorry.”

“Oh it’s fine, I’ve been up all night so I should probably just go take a nap anyways.”

They shared an awkward laugh before Spencer went back into the office and promptly fell back asleep on the couch.

Almost six hours later Spencer woke up to Derek knocking on his door. They got up and straightened out their sweater.

“Hey, so Hotch wants you there to hear the profile, just thought you should know.” Derek said, taking in the pajamas Spencer was wearing.

“Oh, okay, thanks.”

Derek went back out to the bullpen and Spencer closed the blinds of the office windows before changing his flannel pants to jeans. When they finished dressing he went out to the bullpen and sat on the edge of an unused desk. Police officers were scattered around the area.

“You look like you need this.” Derek said as he sat next to Spencer and handed him a cup of coffee.

“Aren’t you supposed to be presenting the case too?”

“No, Hotch wanted to do it himself.”

The two set their cups of coffee down at the same time and their hands brushed against one another.

“You’re comforting.” Spencer thought out loud.

Derek didn’t respond. He just took it in and they both faced away from each other, hiding the smiles from the other’s eyes and savouring the moment.

Hotch’s profile wasn’t all that detailed, but it was early in the case anyways. The unsub would have either no mother figure or a distant one, and the father would be abusive in some way or another. His estimated age range was 25-30 and he would likely have learned his behavior from someone close, possibly the same father that abused him. He would rarely go in public and when he did he wouldn’t talk to anyone unless he had to. He likely wasn’t someone everyone knew and would isolate himself in most situations.

Most of the details floated out of Derek’s head as Hotch spoke as he had already heard the profile once and his mind was already clouded with Spencer’s words. When the presentation was finished Derek walked with Rossi to Penelope’s office to see if she had any new findings.

“He’s kind of a pretty boy, isn't he?” Derek said.

“Who?

“Spencer.”

“Yeah, something like that.” Rossi gave a knowing smile as they walked into Penelope’s office.

TAGLIST: @heavenlydevil @hotpotatowoman @party-poisxn @endingsbeginnings @d3pr3ss3d-w33d-wh0re @ted-theodore-preston @moss0ntherocks @scandinavian-punk @doctorenby @penemily @izzyl13 @leomo0n @tiedyedrose1705

#moreid #pluto writes #beating the dead swan #criminal minds #spencer reid #derek morgan #penelope garcia #david rossi #jennifer jareau #moreid fanfiction #moreid au #criminal minds fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #moreid angst #angst #slow burn

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depressedacadamia · 4 years ago

Text

The Anatomy of the Sun

Chapter II: One more Hour

A/N: Here’s chapter 2! I think I will be updating this around every 1-2 weeks because the chapters are really long. Anyway, here it the second chap, I hope you like it and please comment!

Word count: 17K

Warnings: Kissing (more like making out), a tad of angst, r!pe mention (the patient is a victm), some mental illness references if you squint.

Chapter I

Tagging: @showtunesandsolangelo

It’s all about lines.

Jason was feeling good, he could feel it- today was going to be great. He finally managed to correct the cute barista who kept on calling him Jack and he had found the perfect parking space. He was excited- maybe he’d even get into an OR today and take back his 007 status. That was until he was almost hit by a motorcycle. He watched as the rider swerved from side to side until finally, they pulled up, leaning their motorcycle to the side as they pulled off their helmet. He watched as Hazel shook her head back and forth, letting her dark curls bounce about as she stretched her neck. She ran past him, shooting him a respectful nod as she entered the hospital with her motorcycle helmet in her gloved hands.

The finish line at the end of residency.

Roommates. Nico was officially putting up a poster for roommates. He didn’t know why he didn’t just ask Hazel but at the same time, he did. Asking Hazel was a portal into too much family drama than he could handle. Having to attend family dinners with his family was bad enough, he didn’t want to start arguing with Hazel. Besides, he just wanted 2 complete strangers that he didn't have to interact with. He pressed his thumb into the pin, securing the poster.

Waiting in line for a chance at the operating table.

And then, there’s the most important line. The line separating you from the people you work with.

Juniper was waiting to get the lift, her bag swinging in her hands. She had made a bad impression on everyone so far- maybe it was because she was a model. She couldn’t lie, people had lacked respect when talking to her in particular and she had a feeling that it had something to do with her ex- career. Finally, the lift pinged and its doors opened, only for it to be full of people. She could tell they were all staring at her, not because she looked spectacularly bad that day (she had not slept properly in a month) but because they clearly all knew of her previous occupation. Juniper mumbled something about taking the stairs and decided to keep her head up high.

At least she wasn't under tons of crushing debt.

Hour 1

Nico slipped off his boots, trading them for some worn out trainers that were much more safe. The boots were old but he hadn’t worn them often due to their uncomfortable nature but for once, he had decided to wear them. Did he know why he chose them? No, he had just decided to slip them on.

“I would ask how last night went, but I think I know and I really don’t want to hear details,” Hazel said as she walked past Nico to gain access to her locker, referring to the bruise at the base of his collarbone.

“You’re just jealous that you haven’t scored an attending yet. I’ll bet you I’m in trauma today,” Nico bragged as he pushed his boots into the already overcrowded locker. Hazel rolled her eyes at her brother's typical behaviour.

“You know that he might think you guys are dating?” Hazel added, slipping on her white coat. Nico snorted as he pulled on his scrub shirt over his long sleeved t-shirt.

“I’ve made it very clear to him that we are not dating,” Nico scoffed, “ Now all I have to do is wait for the chase.”

“The chase?”

“The chase, you know? The whole trying to pursue this person you like. It gets to a point where I will have all the power and he will do anything I want,” Nico explained. Hazel raised an eyebrow at his boastful tactics but decided to make no further comment. She did however want to make a comment about the roommates poster he had put up.

“What's up with the roommates poster by the way? Since when did you want people living with you?” Hazel asked, slamming her locker shut, just as Nico closed his. Her hair was frantic, similar to her brothers who's olive skin was particularly glowly today- she did not want to know what from.

“The place seems empty and I need other people paying rent to afford it,” Nico complained. Now it was Hazel’s turn to snort. It wasn’t quite as big a knowledge that the Di Angelo’s were also extremely wealthy than it was knowledge to know of their surgical legacy- Well Bianca’s surgical legacy. Hazel, who was not in the mood to have a confrontation with her brother, simply nodded and left.

“Please! I’d be the perfect candidate! I’m super quiet and I won’t make a mess!” The intern opposite Nico begged as she told him all the things which supposedly made her a good roommate. Nico disagreed. There many reasons that he did not want her living with him but it came down to one which was she was much too young.

“No,” he concluded unsympathetically. He was about to get up and leave when he heard another plead from the intern.

“But why?”

“Where were you when the challenger exploded?” He turned around, slightly annoyed but nonetheless, still intimidating as usual.

“What?”

“The space shuttle, Challenger- where were you when it exploded?” he challenged.

“Uh, I think I was in kindergarten,” she looked up, trying to remember.

Nico huffed out, “Exactly.”

“Percy! We’re going to be late! We aren't going to be late, we’re already late!” Annabeth shouted as she stood by the door in her scrubs, her bag in hand. Percy, with his bed hair, rushed out of the kitchen in his scrubs, grabbing his jacket from the sofa before heading towards Annabeth and placing a soft kiss on her cheek in hopes of lightening up her mood.

“Come on Wise girl, we gotta go,” he grinned cheekily as he grabbed her by the hand opening the door of their house. Annabeth, unable to stay mad for so long, sighed before giving in and heading to the car.

“We are never having morning sex again if it means we’re going to be late,” Annabeth warned. Percy, feigning mock offence, held a hand to his heart and gasped.

“Your words wound me!”

Annabeth slapped his shoulder as she started the car towards the hospital. Percy stopped mucking about and placed another chaste kiss on her cheek to make sure all was well.

Juniper and Jason were both complaining. Nico didn’t think he could handle one of them complaining, let alone trying to deal with both of them- that was a challenge. They were all leaning by the stairs right next to the nurses station which were next to the elevators.

“But Nicoo, why would you put up a poster for roommates if you don’t want roommates? I swear, I’m a great chef and I clean obsessively!” Juniper argued, slumping her arm slightly on Jason.

“I do want roommates but we’re working together 100 hours a week, you want to live together too?” he shot back. He held 4 mocha latte’s in one of those 4 cup holders you get at a coffee shop. Without asking, Juniper snatched two, shocking Nico.

“That’s for not letting us be your roommates,” Juniper pouted as she handed one to Jason who nervously accepted. Jason leaned forward, trying to convince Nico,

“Please, I have to live with my sister and she blasts her music so much. I’m pretty sure my eardrums have popped,”Jason begged. Hazel, in this exact moment, joined them, giving Jason a sympathetic look before noticing the coffee in Nico’s hand. She casually took one from Nico, not caring about his reaction- she had taken his food before on several occasions (although the Happy meal incident did not go over well).

“Why aren’t you taking one?” Hazel nodded her head towards the last coffee in his grasp as she sipped hers- she frowned. Nico never ordered mocha latte. She had expected to be tasting coffee with way too much creamer or a hot chocolate but instead it was the distinctly strong taste of coffee.

“It’s not mine,” Nico hummed as his eyes searched towards the elevator, waiting for it to open. Hazel knew that Dr Solace was already here so what was Nico so invested for? It can’t have been Percy but perhaps the resident who would come with him

“Oh, you’re bringing bribes now?” Hazel pointed towards the coffee, thinking of Dr Chase.

“It’s not a bribe,” Nico defended, looking away sharply as he listened to Jason and Juniper continue to slander his name due to his lack of compassion with them living with him.

“Look, I just want to live with two total strangers that I won’t have to talk to or be nice to!” he confessed, throwing his free hand about in exaggeration. Unexpectedly, Dr Chase made her way down the main stairs (which surprised everyone as they expected her to be downstairs not upstairs). She quickly assigned them all tasks.

“Jason, you’re running the code team* today. Nico, take the trauma pager. Hazel, deliver the weekend labs to the patients and Juni- you’re on sutures,” She announced before heading back up the stairs, only to be stopped by Nico.

“Dr Chase, I was hoping I would be able to assist in the OR today, maybe even perform a minor procedure. I think I’m ready.” He thrusted the mocha latte into her direction, “ Mocha Latte?”

Dr Chase accepted the drink slowly before taking a small sip. It slightly burnt the tip of her tongue but she appreciated the gesture- however, unfortunately for Di Angelo, this did not mean that Dr Chase had accepted his request for surgery.

“Wait, if he gets to cut, then I wanna cut too!” Hazel insisted.

“So do I!” Juniper squished in between the interns. Jason, off to the side mumbled something about how it would be nice to get a second shot. However, this simply irked Dr Chase even more. She held her hand up signalling silence- at least the interns got this sign right.

“Stop talking,” she started, “Every intern wants to perform their first surgery. That’s not your job. Do you know what your job is? To make your resident happy. Do I look happy? No. Why? Because my interns are whiny. You know what will make me look happy? Having the code team staffed, Having the trauma pages answered, having the weekend labs delivered and having someone down in the Pit doing sutures. No one holds a scalpel until I’m so happy, I’m Mary freakin Poppins!”

The interns, as clueless as ever, all stood staring at her with hopeful eyes as if they were baby birds expecting Annabeth to just feed them. She climbed a few steps before turning around and calling out,

“Why are y'all standing there, move!”

Quickly, all the interns scattered to their assigned jobs.

Hour 2

Will was waiting for an elevator as he noticed a short mop of black messy hair pick up a few files off the floor and clumsily place them on top of the overwhelming pile they already had in their small arms. Nico going to an elevator. Trying to not turn around and offer his help, Will kept to himself, smiling slightly at the small grunts the doctor beside him made. Nico finally managed to take a few more steps into Dr Solace’s eyeline, so he was standing next to him instead of behind. He tapped his foot as he decided to further his plan along.

“New york has ferry boats. There are also ferry boats where I come from. I didn’t know there were ferry boats here,” Nico mused. Will, slightly amused by Nico’s lack of geographical knowledge, retorted.

“New York is surrounded by water.”

“Hence the Ferry boats,” Nico concluded before admitting, “Now I have to like it here ya know. I wasn’t planning on liking it. I’m from Italy- genetically engineered to dislike everywhere- except Paris.”

“I have a thing for Ferry Boats,” Will decided to add, smirking slightly as they entered the empty elevator. Nico being the stubborn person he was, attempted to press one of the buttons with his elbow and Will had to practically force the floor level out of Nico. It involved a lot of bickering back and forth until they finally agreed and the elevator doors closed.

Out of nowhere, Nico quickly said, “I’m not going out with you.”

Will, already wounded that his attemp- could he even say attempts? Nico had cut him off before he had even gotten a chance to say anything but he was determined to get to Nico.

“Did I ask you to go out with me?” He turned around, smiling slightly so he only showed some of his sparkling teeth, “Will you go out with me?”

“I ain’t dating you and we aren’t sleeping together again. You’re my boss,” Nico decided to cut to the chase.

“I’m your boss's boss.”

“You're my teacher, and my teacher’s teacher,” Nico pretended to resist only resulting in Will mocking him.

“I’m your sister, I'm your daughter.”

“You’re sexually harassing me.”

“I'm riding an elevator,” Will protested. Nico glanced at the back of Will’s head and thought

His hair looked particularly neat today- it would be such a shame if it got messed up.

“I’m drawing a line. The line is drawn. There’s a big line. Don’t cross the line,” Nico breathed heavily, as if he was holding his breath. Will, still hellbent on teasing the cute intern, turned around, with his arms crossed and his hair as perfect as ever.

“So this line, is it imaginary or do I have to get you a marker?” he smirked, his voice low and teasing- Nico could tell. His crystal blue eyes were going all hazy and his baby pink lips were slightly tilted to the side as if they were just mocking Nicp by being there. They looked soft, no they were soft- Nico knew that from experience. He could see a small mole on the side of his neck as well as a purplish bruise that he may or may have not left there.

Overcome by his lack of impulse control, Nico flung himself onto Will, dropping all the files in his arms and mashed his lips on his- a gesture that was returned just as harshly by Will. The files flew across the elevator floor as Nico’s hands came up to desperately weave themselves into Will’s hair. They fought for dominance in the kiss slamming each other into the elevator- it was hot, needy and totally inappropriate. But it seemed that neither of them cared. Their lips just couldn’t get enough of each other. It was like a fire was getting ignited, a fire that couldn’t be put out. It was in both of them, absolutely raging, uncontrollable. Will was tempted to tell Nico, mind the hair but just then Nico slightly bit at Will's bottom lip, pulling it backwards gently and sucked ever so slightly, before returning to the kiss that had Will plastered against the elevator wall.

So you want to play dirty Di Angelo?

Nico was not going to give Will the chance though. Absolutely consumed by the kiss, he slightly pulled at Will’s hair evicting a small, but low, growl out of Will’s throat. Nico wasn’t sure if he heard that correctly but just as he was about to test it again, he heard the ping of the elevator. The fire within was smaller but it hadn’t died. Nico quickly pulled away and started scrambling towards the floor, trying to grab at the files as the elevator door slowly pulled itself open. Will, still a tad shocked, also helped, trying to organise the files into the right cases before handing them over to Nico. They stepped out of the elevator in sync, just like their pagers. Since Nico was also in trauma, he figured that whatever Dr Solace was getting paged for, he was also meant to be helping.

“I’ll join after I finish with these files,” Nico called out, as Dr Solace nodded and hurried off. Nico smiled to himself as he noticed that Dr Solace’s hair was sticking up in several different directions.

As Nico made his way into the Pit, he noticed a large crowd of doctors all looking slightly concerned- he hoped it was not for his patient- the more gruesome the injury, the more surgery required. However, the second he was told that it was a rape victim, he understood the facial expresions- they were disgusted at the crime, not the injuries attained.

“Dr Solace has gone to prep for surgery along with Dr Jackson,” a nurse informed him as he entered the room.

“Okay, we’ve got a 25 year old female, found down at the park, status post- trauma. She came in with a GCS* of 6. BP* is 80 over 60. Exam is significant for blunt head trauma, as well as unequal breath sounds, her right pupil is dilated and she’s ready for X-ray,” the nurse recited as Nico entered the room. He scanned his eyes across the room before his eyes landed on something familiar.

Were those his boots?

No, they were obviously not Nico’s boots, but they were the same boots. He wanted to shudder, knowing a potential rape victim was wearing the same shoes as him the day she got attacked. It was weird right? It felt weird, it was like there was some weird unknown connection and that in a way, these 2 people were very much connected- as if they were the same people who were living parallel versions of each other's lives. During Nico’s quick zone- out session, a nurse continued to try to call his attention- something he only noticed when they snapped Dr Di Angelo!

He quickly nodded as he grabbed his flashlight from his pocket and pulled her eyelids open, looking for a reaction from her pupils.

“Call ahead to clear a CT, let them know I’m coming,” Nico commanded, “Load up the portable monitor and call respiratory for a ventilator*. I will get X-rays while I’m down there.”

As he helped wheel the patient out of the trauma room, he glanced back at the boots identical to his. There was a blood splatter at the front of it, the laces where messily undone and the heel was the same height. He wasn't acting paranoid right? He couldn’t help but think that this was a weird coincidence.

Nico was slightly surprised to see Dr Zhang scrubbed in on the surgery with them rather than Dr Mclean- after all he was the head of Cardio and she was the head of General surgery- but even then, why any other attendings other than Percy and Dr Solace were required, Nico truly did not know.

“What is she? 5’2, 180 pounds? And she took a beating like this,” Will mumbled.

“They should castrate the guy,” Percy announced from the other side of the table, trying to stop the swelling of her brain

“Look how shredded her hands are, she tried to fight back,” Will pointed out.

“Tried to? The rape test came back negative, she kicked his ass!” Percy told them. Nico was invested to see how Dr Solace was repairing her hands while the 2 attendings talked about the bravery of the patient.

“So we have a warrior among us, huh?” Dr Zhang joined in. Nico couldn’t help but feel a tinge of annoyance. She had a name. She was a person. He didn’t know why he felt so strongly about a patient all of a sudden but he had a faint feeling that it had something to do with those boots.

“Allison… that's her name…. Allison,” Nico cut in the conversation. All the attendings stopped to look at him. Percy, being as supportive as ever, smiled and nodded before returning to fixing her skull. Will looked at Nico, his eyes calm, like the ocean at rest. To an extent, it reminded Nico of Percy’s eyes- something that could always calm Nico down. He watched as Will’s lips slowly parted as he murmured Allison's name under his breath. Dr Zhang took a pair of clamps from the nurse before slowly pulling his arm back.

“I think I’ve found the cause of our rupture….more suction.” As he drew his arm back, the surgical interns and residents crowded by his arm to have a look at the cause of the rupture. However, once the foreign object was removed, the surgeons became more and more confused- what exactly was this, a tumor? A mass?

“What is this?” Dr Zhang turned towards the doctors. They all scooted closer to get a closer look. Nico took a glance for a couple of seconds before opening his eyes wide in horror as he realised what exactly he was looking at. He was in a state of horror and curiosity.

“Oh my god… she bit it off,” Nico started hesitantly. Dr Zhang, Dr Solace and Dr Jackson all looked to him, stopping their individual procedures, waiting for Nico to continue speaking.

“Well, come on- spit it out!” Percy told Nico. Utterly conflicted, Nico decided to just spit it out- just as Percy had told him to.

“That's a..that's a…. um that’s a penis.”

Almost on instinct, Dr Zhang called for a kidney bowl and practically flung the castrated appendage away from himself. Will couldn’t tell if he should laugh or be alarmed at how Nico was the only person able to identify the penis.

Hour 5

The water ran over the surgeons hands as they scrubbed between all the crevices in their hands with soap. In between fingers, around thumbs and nail brushes scrubbed at fingertips. Dr Zhang and Dr Solace both stood side by side as they washed their hands practically in sync- just like their miraculous surgical skills.

“I can’t believe she made it through that surgery,” Will began as he switched off the tap by nudging it slightly with his elbow.

“She has a long road to recovery. Fighting off infection, physiotherapy and not to mention therapy itself,” Frank, in his honest nature, responded. He copied Will, turning off the running water with his elbow as he reached for some paper towels to dry off his hands.

“And she needs to wake up in the next 72 hours if she wants a chance at fighting. She’s a fighter, I believe she can make it.”

“Speaking of making it to places, we should get a drink later and you can tell me the long story of what makes a hot shot doctor leave a big apple for New York,” Frank offered as he threw his paper towel into the bin.

Will shrugged slightly, “It’s a short story really- your Chief of surgery made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.”

“Chiron asked you to come?” Frank asked, genuinely shocked.

“Yeah, why?” Will turned around looking at Dr Zhang. He watched as Frank’s expressions twisted before he shook his head, gave a small smile and mumbled never mind.

“Do you know what the Code Team does? They save lives- yeah, I know. I shock a heart and another patient gets to live to see another day, pretty cool huh?” Jason slightly bragged, trying to make conversation with Hazel - who he knew was overly competitive. He was leaning over the shoulder of Hazel who leaned over the desk at the nurses station, organizing the patient files and lab results.

“Bambi, don’t say another word until after the hunter shoots your mother,” Hazel’s voice drawled with boredom. Jason practically speechless only managed out a meek,

“I don’t like you.”

Hazel sharply turned around, “You know, I have a BA* from Smith, a PHD* from Berkeley and an MD* from Stanford and I'm delivering lab results. It's gonna take me ages to get through these-”

“-Well then you better get a move on with it,” Dr Chase walked past, surprising the doctor. Hazel slightly intimidated, tried to protest that she wasn’t complaining but it seemed that Dr Chase didn’t really care. A doctor behind her with thick curly hair and a smug expression stood, trying to keep his expression neutral.

“This is Dr Underwood. Lucky Valdez got to get rid of him so now he’s got Mccaffrey and I’ve got Underwood on my service. Levesque, have him shadow you and show him how we run things on my service,” Dr chase commanded before walking off, slightly sashaying.

“Hey, I’m Grover Underwood, nice to meet you.” He held his hand out to Hazel who looked at it and recoiled slightly before looking at it in disgust. Jason was still trying to figure out if he liked this guy, he seemed quite polite so far but he truly wondered what Underwood did to get kicked off Valdez’s service- he had heard that Valdez was a pretty chill resident, getting kicked off his service would seem pretty hard.

“You’re the pig who called Nico a nurse.. Yeah, I hate you on principal,” Hazel admitted looking him up and down.

He did what? Jason thought as he eavesdropped on the conversation beside him.

“And you’re the pushy, overbearing kiss ass… I hate you too,” Grover grunted.

Okay, I defo don’t like this guy, Jason decided.

“Should be fun then,” Hazel sarcastically smiled as they both set off just as Jason's pager beeped signalling another Code Blue.

Jason ran around the corner, nurses following him as he found the patient's room. Immediately, he introduced himself. He had become more and more familiar with this procedure and while it had taught him that Hades was enjoying his job a bit too much, he was also hopeful for the patient in every room he had to run to.

“I’m Dr Grace and I’ll be running this code. What do we have?”

“57 year old male with an asystole pulse*,” A nurse from beside the bed answered. Jason ordered the defibrillators to be used as he had another person put on compressions, another on the ambu bag and someone administering drugs.

“Charging to 200, clear!”

The Pit was quite full as Dr June walked in, searching for her next patient. She picked up a chart from the nurses station that was positioned next to the emergency entrance and flipped the page to see the name. Mrs Lu, Bed 3

“Hi Mrs Lu, I'm Doctor June. I'm gonna sew up your wound, you’re going to need around 6 stitches.” Juniper turned around to start setting up the equipment from the tray only to hear a frantic cry of words coming from behind her. She only recognised the chinese word for hurt but even then, she could not decipher what Mrs Lu was saying. She sighed, wondering how long it would be until she could get a hold of a translator. She was tempted to ask Dr Zhang but she knew it was selfish and plain old rude of her to assume that Dr Zhang would be able to help her. She decided to wait for a translator.

Nico and the penis in a box. Yes, you read that correctly. Nico was holding the penis in a box or how he would like to put it, the forgein object in a cooler. They were making their way towards the office of the Chief Of Surgery. He slightly remembered the walk up to the room, the carpet and walls seeming familiar, like a second home. As he walked into the office, he was surprised to find Secretary Hedge there instead of Chief Chiron. He rapped his knuckles on the door gently, grasping the attention of the man sitting in the chair.

“Hey, I was told to leave this with the Chief.” He raised his arm with the cooler in his hand.

“Is that it?” A seriously over eager Secretary Hedge asked. Nico slowly nodded, trying to not fuel the secretaires curiosity. In a complete turn of events, Hedge asked,

“Can I see it?” Hedge watched as Nico struggled to keep his facial muscles under control- laugh or cringe, Nico did not know. Just as Hedge muttered a small, forget I asked, Chiron walked in with his white jacket and a large smile on recognising Nico.

“Nico! It’s good to see you!”

At this, Nico smiled. He had known Chiron for very long but the mass majority of the time that he had seen him, the attention was entirely focused on the potential for his sister- not much for him. He felt a bit guilty that he was enjoying the shine of her mentor while she was struggling but he finally felt noticed.

“How’s Bianca? I heard she was leaving the Mayo Clinic. Is she going back to the UN?” Chrion asked almost immediately. Nico could feel all the happiness and life in him slowly drain.So nothing had actually changed. He was still in his sister's shadow despite the fact that she wasn’t even here. Gods, she wasn’t even in this time period! Bianca was in a nursing home thinking she was reliving her surgery days and here was Nico somehow still under her shadow. If Bianca’s mentor wasn’t willing to see Nico’s potential as a surgeon- how many other Doctors thought that he was only here due to his Di Angelo status? Percy? Dr Chase? Did Doctor Solace think that?

Why does it concern me the most if Dr Solace doesn’t see past my status?

Nico decided that it must be because Dr solace was the head of his favourite department- Trauma.

“Uh, no. She’s taking time off-”

“-To write another book I suppose?” Chiron cut in, smiling as he picked up some papers off his desk and moved them underneath a folder. Nico simply attempted a smile in return, a gesture that did not alarm Chiron- he had known Nico Pre-Bianca and her alzehmiers. That Nico had been a very smiley person. Nico, who could have sworn his facial muscles were deteriorating as he smiled, decided to move the conversation to the matter at hand- the penis in a bo-

- The foreign object in a cooler .

“Well, I’ve got it,” Nico said half heartedly, lifting the cooler in his hand up slightly. Chiron turned to his secretary, conversing a few words with him, as if Nico had never entered the room.

“Uh, Hedge, how long did the cops say they’d be?”

“You know how slow they always are so he better take it with him-”

“-Take it with me? You want me to take a penis around the hospital with me?” Nico cut off Hedge, with growing anxiety- he did not want to have to babysit a penis. Gosh, being on Solace’s service was meant to result in fun, not this!

“It's the chain of custody rules. All medical matter in a rape must stay with the person who collected it until its placed into police custody,” Chiron ,who was secretlty relived to not have to keep the penis, recited.

“So I have custody over a penis,” Nico deadpanned. Sheepishly, the secretary nodded trying to not laugh at the poor kids' situation.

“Until the cops come from it, of course,” Chiron reminded Nico, as if knowing that the police would take their sweet time was any more re- assuring.

“And what am I meant to do with a penis?” Nico frantically asked, his cool persona falling and being slowly replaced by one of panic and desperation. Chiron and Hedge simply gave obscure looks at Nico’s question before looking back down at the papers in their hands.

Hour 10

Hazel sighed. She had been sighing all day. Every patient either had a benign tumour* or a condition of no interest to her. When was someone going to be seriously ill? They were surgeons for god's sake, not lab running rats! Both Hazel and Grover made their way to the next patients room, seriously disappointed. On entering the room, they both saw the family crowded round the patients bed, holding their hands together like there was a prayer commencing.

“You have a disorder called multinucleate cell angiohistiocytoma. It's not a cancer or a sarcoma, it's very rare but minor. You will be discharged today,” Hazel, slightly bored, attempted a smile. The family, still taking in the good news, were catatonic for around 5 seconds before all hell broke loose. There was crying, cheering, claps and laughs. Grover and Hazel both looked at each other with the same expression- Get me out of here .

“Wait wait, does this mean I don’t need surgery?” The patient ,still propped up by his elbows in his bed, inquired. Hazel simply nodded before getting pulled into a bear hug, against her will may I add, and practically almost suffocated to death. Her eyes widened as she stared into Grovers soul trying to get him to help her. Unfortunately for Hazel, Underwood was much more invested in watching her uncomfortable encounters.

Jason was sitting in a chair, letting it spin it around and round. The nurses station was quite empty with only the occasional nurse in and out. He stopped his spinning to bury his head in a very interesting chart that consisted of a case to do with a-

- Clink!

Nico set down the cooler on the desk with a loud sound that jolted Jasons’s head out of his head before letting his eyes land on the cooler. Jason, curious and wanting to engage in conversation with Nico began questioning the contents of the cooler. Nico who really did not want to tell Jason attempted to warn him

“Ooh, what’s in the cooler?”

“Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

“No.” Jason got up from his seat and came to stand next to Nico, “ No, I do wanna know.”

Nico, who really wasn’t about to greatly resist, decided to tell Jason. Afterall, if it ruined Jason’s day as well, it would mean he wouldn't be the only miserable person moping about in the hospital.

“It’s a severed penis.” Nico shrugged quite nonchalantly as he gained amusement from the horrified expression slowly growing on Jason’s face. He watched as Jason's expressions contorted between fascination and disgust, trying to figure out which emotion to settle on. He wanted to prove Nico wrong but at the same time didn’t want Nico to not like him.

“I don’t think I wanted to know that.” Jason looked back down at his book, with a meek expression and his head slightly bowed as if he was praying. As Jason entered a world of truly unnecessary overthinking, Grover and Hazel came in arguing, what about, Jason did not know and in all honesty, after what Nico had told him- he did not want to know. Deciding he wanted to shift his discomfort to someone else, he looked to Hazel.

“Do you know Di Angelo is babysitting a penis in a jar?” he pointed towards the cooler sitting on the table top. Hazel, with piqued curiosity, quickly made her way over towards the cooler and opened the lid, taking a quick peek at the bitten off contents before shutting it.

“It’s a cooler, not a jar,” Nico whined slightly, not really directing his comment towards anyone.

“Talk about taking a bite out of crime,” Hazel commented as she picked something out of Nico’s hair. Nico didn’t really know whether to thank her or to resist the gesture. It felt weird- right? It was weird that Hazel was filling Bianca’s void. It was weird that Nico first thought about Hazel when people talked about his sister. It was weird that Nico was completely okay with this. He felt it was simply not right but at the same time, he didn’t want it to stop. Was he being unfaithful to Bianca? Was he betraying her? Or would she want him to move on from her, grow closer with his family who were actually lucid.

Jason watched Nico’s facial expressions with intensity- such intensity that had Nico not been stuck in a hole of problems, he a hundred percent would have noticed and even been creeped out by Jason’s intense stare. Despite only knowing Nico for around a month, he cared deeply about him. He wanted to know what was so concerning to him so much that he froze up and his eyes went all glazed like he was on autopilot. Nico was a closed off person who wore all black and covered up his secrets with wicked smiles and sarcastic quips but Jason could see the vulnerable child within Nico. He felt responsible for him and everything that happened to him.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jason asked tenderly, making Nico lift his head- effectively stopping him from daydreaming. For a second, when Nico lifted his head, Jason saw a glitter in Nico’s eyes that reminded him of innocence. Youth, life and calamity- instead of the empty, cold and lifeless onyx eyes that could give even Lucifer nightmares.

“The rape victim I had today, Allison, she had the same shoes as me. And ever since… It just doesn’t sit well with me, ya know? I never wear those boots normally because they’re so uncomfortable And it’s… stupid and I’m tired so nevermind, just leave it.” Nico batted his hand, dismissing the subject. Jason raised his eyebrows at the abrash statement and gesture before attempting Nico’s wicked smile.

“Do you know what you need?” Jason wiggled his eyebrows, letting the secret into the open like a breath of air. Immediately, Nico caught onto what Jason was talking about. He was offended and shocked that Jason had been doing it without him- This was their thing and Jason was doing it behind his back without him? The betrayal was heartbreaking. What next? Solace sleeping with someone else?

“No! It’s sick and twisted and we said last time was the last time,” Nico firmly said. He watched as Jason’s face contorted between guilt and excitement.

“You’ve been doing it without me?” Nico released. Jason shuffled his feet together nefor mumbling a ‘maybe’.

“Do you know what would happen if anyone knew?” Nico huffed out but Jason had made up his mind.

“I’m doing it- you can come with me or you can sit here and be miserable,” Jason confirmed as he dragged Nico by the white collar, which was considerably easy when you realised that Nico was an entire head shorter that Jason- and some would argue even more.

Nico and Jason had their faces pressed up onto the glass staring at the cute babies in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit or as the doctors would simply call it- the NICU. Nico couldn't help the overwhelming smile that made his way onto his face as he stared at the cute babies as they attempted to talk, throwing their limbs about cluelessly. He listened to Jason who urged them with non-existent words and funky sounds that was considered the universal baby language. Nico looked at Jason- his platinum blonde hair and faintly light blue eyes reminded him to an extent of Will but at the same time- there was a clear difference. Will had faint freckles that decorated his face like a cake being decorated by icing sugar- whereas Jason had a pale complexion. Will’s hair was more of a golden blond and reminded of Nico of sunrise on a summer morning- hot, warm and some may even say beautiful and then there was his eyes-

- Why was he reciting this like he memorised it in the shower for fun?

Nico decided to put Wil- no, Solace out of his mind. He listened to the absolutely adorable sounds that Jason was making- he reminded him of Bianca when she used to babysit Estelle- Percy’s younger sister. Estelle was absolutely adorable and Nico considered her to be his younger sister as well, considering the amount of time she spent with the Di Angelo’s- especially during Percy’s med school and residency years when he was meant to be babysitting Estelle and had instead handed her to Nico and Bianca.

“You are such a softie,” Nico said, giggling slightly at Jason who was still cooing at the babies. For a couple of moments afterwards, Jason froze. Was Nico complimenting him? Or was it an insult? What on earth did the word ‘softie’ mean here? Did Nico like sofites? Or was ‘Softie’ Nico’s equivalent of ‘ absolute loser’? However, before Jason was able to come to any sort of conclusion, his pager beeped, signalling another Code Blue that he had to respond to.

“Ah shit, I’ve got a code to run, I’ll catch you later.” Jason waved before breaking into a jog and leaving. After Nico said his goodbyes to Jason he continued watching the babies for some more time. He was fascinated- how did humanity get from there to here. The babies were pure and new and hadn’t been exposed to the harsh realities of the world- how will they turn to what Nico has become? How did they get from Point A to point B? As Nico pondered over these philosophical thoughts, he carried watching the babies but something caught his eye. He could have sworn that baby he just saw went blue momentarily. It was crying and thrashing about but maybe Nico was only seeing things. He was tired, sleep deprived and if he had to be honest- this wouldn't have been the first time Nico saw things that weren’t actually there.

He watched it again, more intensely. With an analytical fine tooth comb. There- the baby turned blue again! So he wasn’t hallucinating! He rushed into the room, quickly taking out the chart of the baby and scanning his eyes over the info. He was aware that if he was caught, the consequences would not be great. That was probably the understatement of the year. After finishing with the chart, he set it down and took his stethoscope and started listening to the heart of the baby- something there wasn’t right, Nico could feel it. Nico did not often have such strong feelings but he had learnt that when they occurred, they were never wrong.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing here?” a doctor with pink scrubs walked in.

“There were no tests ordered and the baby has a heart murmur-” Nico began, taking the stethoscope out of his ears.

“-I know and you’re surgery, you are not authorised to be here. Do you know what could happen if you were caught?” The intern pressed on but Nico refused to step down here.

“Are you going to do any tests to confirm?” Nico asked, his tone clearly one of concern.

“It’s a benign systolic ejection murmur*. It will go away with age.”

“So you aren’t doing any tests.” Nico realised that he couldn’t win this in any way- well for now. He started to make his way towards the door before the intern decided to slam another attempt at a guilt tripping insult at him but in reality just made Nico doubt their abilities. He seriously felt bad for the Valdez resident if these were the meatheads he had to teach.

Hour 15

Frank felt betrayed. He had to say, he was never truly familiar with such a feeling. He had experienced the odd chance of it but in reality Frank was used to succeeding- in fact he had dedicated all his life to it. Many people saw him as soft, simple and easy to beat opponent but in reality that was one of his greatest strengths- people underestimated him until they met him. To an extent this had made Frank slightly arrogant- but he wouldn’t say it wasn’t necessary. The truth is, every surgeon has to be arrogant to believe that they can cut open another human and somehow fix them as if they were a god like deity but right now, Frank wasn’t thinking that he was arrogant, no. He was thinking that Chiron was being arrogant- believing that he was all so big and mighty and could just throw Frank about with his lies and schemes.

“Oh Chiron! So you asked Solace to come here?” Frank confronted, his hands resting on his hips.

“Yeah, Solace was an old student of mine...” Chiron trailed off, unaware of the purpose of the conversation.

“Oh so he left a private practise in Austin, Texas just because you asked?”

“Yes.”

“No other reason? Just a favour for an old professor,” Frank said with a hint of sarcasm lingering behind the words.

“It will be years before I retire,” Chiron began to reassure, understanding the nature of the conversation of the root of Frank's passive aggressive attitude.

“ Chief of surgery is mine, you told me so,” Frank reminded him.

“It was yours, now I'm not so sure.”

“I am the best surgeon here! I have the lowest mortality rate, you can’t just bring someone-”

“-Ask me why. Ask me why I'm not so sure of you," Chiron repeated, trying to get Frank to understand his motives. Chiron liked Frank, they had done a lot for each other. In fact, it had been Chrion who had helped Frank get over his low self- esteem, something that had bothered Frank for almost his entire life.

Frank, feeling defeated, almost stormed off. He knew he shouldn’t feel guilty but he couldn’t help letting a bit of it creep in as he remembered how somehow, he led Chiron, his mentor, to believe that his low self-esteem no longer existed. Maybe it was Chiron’s great desire to no longer see Frank suffer that made him see past it but Frank knew better. He wasn’t mad because the job may not be his, no- he had only wanted the job due to the benefits that came with it. Frank was mad because Chirom bringing in another ex-mentee of his simply brought his low self-esteem back all over again.

It was like med- school except this time, there were actual lives at stake. Did Chiron truly feel that he wasn’t good enough- that Solace would be a better Chief of Surgery better than Frank? He didn’t want to admit it, but Frank knew that he had become somewhat arrogant in an attempt to lie to himself and hide the lack of self esteem. The arrogance had only started when he was in residency but over the years, as he saved more lives, it accumulated. Yet, somehow, Frank still did not think it was good enough. Clearly Solace was. Why else would Chiron bring another threat to Frank’s anxiety if Chiron didn’t believe Frank's anxiety had gone? Surely Chiron wouldn’t do this knowing how badly it would hurt Frank.

Would he?

Hazel was bored. She knew it, Grover knew it and so did every nurse in a 1 metre radius of the stretcher that she sat in with the charts of her patients in a stack in front of her. This was New York Presbytarian! They were meant to have the best surgical residency in the country and here she was delivering lab results to over joyous patients- none of which had any sort of interesting condition. You’d think that someone in a hospital would be close to dying but no, it seemed that all of her patients were in ‘tip top’ condition.

“People need to get sick because I refuse to spend my residency doing this,” Hazel complained as she flipped the pages of the chart.

“Exactly. How can we be in the OR if people are just gonna live?” Grover agreed. They continued complaining, depressed about their current state. Hazel wanted to get this done and over with. The quicker she finished the job, the quicker she could get into a surgery. She took the 20 case files and separated them into 2 piles, each with 10 files.

“Here.” She handed one pile to Grover as she got up, “ You take 10, I take 10. We go in, we go out- no hugging, no laughing, no crying. Don’t be slow,” she instructed.

“Slow? If anything you’re the slow one,” Grover retorted as they made their way to the hallway.

“You wanna bet?” Hazel challenged, stopping a second to look at Grover. He mumbled a ‘You’re on’ before they both ran off, trying to finish first.

“You literally aren't letting anyone live with you!” The psychology resident complained. Nico turned on them.

“Favorite 80’s band?”

“That has nothing to do with this!”

“I’m still waiting.” he tapped his foot impatiently.

“I don’t know, the Bangles?” They shrugged cluelessly while Nico scoffed.

“Yeah, absolutely not.” Nico began walking away- he had to babysit a penis after all.

“Is there even a right answer?”

“AC/DC, The rolling stones, Guns N’ Roses,” Nico called out, not looking back, as he walked away.

“You will be free to leav- OOF!�� Grover was cut off by an enormous bear hug from almost the entire family. He wanted to push them all away from him- after all, 3 families had hugged him so far and he had only visited 4 of the 10 patients he had. If he continued at this rate, Hazel was for sure to win.

“You have a cyst on your lymph node- but tests have confirmed that it was not cancerous which means you probably have some sort of infection- we will put you on broad range antibiotics before discharge tomorrow,” Hazel recited as she dodged a hug aiming for her resulting in 2 family members in an embrace. She quickly slipped out of the room without notice and smiling to herself- 5 down, 5 to go.

“Clear!” Jason called again, it had been 26 minutes into a code without any reaction to CPR, drugs or shocking. Jason knew what was coming next. He could feel it, like it was hanging over his shoulder waiting for his patients to walk into their arms. Death hung at the shoulder of every doctor as their guardian angel- something he remembered Nico saying. When he had said it, he didn't remember. He put his arm out, signalling the nurse to stop CPR. He took a shaky breath.

“Time of death, 15:45.”

Hour 20

Nico watched as the heart monitor stayed stable, reaching the apex before dropping and repeating. Allison. Attempted rape. Boots. Those were the words just floating around his head. Here she was on a vent, alone, like a vegetable and only hours ago she had been alive- smiling, talking, fighting.

“I've called every hospital in the country. Sooner or later the guy who did this is gonna seek medical attention and when he does, that penis you’re carrying around is gonna nail him,” a voice coming from behind Nico said. He turned his head slightly to see the golden curls that he had messed up this morning. Nico’s eyes were cast back onto the lonely woman. How could anyone so vulnerable be so alone?

“Where's her family?” The words slipped out of Nico’s mouth before he could stop them. Will shook his head slightly, his hair bouncing slightly from the impact.

“Doesn't have one.”

“No siblings?” Nico asked, thinking of Hazel and Bianca.

“Nope, both parents are dead. She moved to New York 3 weeks ago. Welcome to the city,” Will took a bite out of an apple miserably. Nico too was miserable- they both had good reason to do so. What kind of world did they live in where the system was so disadvantaged to anyone who wasn’t white, male, heterosexual and neurotypical? What kind of system forced minorities to work in society's most unwanted but vital jobs? What kind of system forced women to be terrified of walking home alone- day or night?

“Nico? Are you okay?” Will’s soft and concerned voice broke into Nicos thoughts. The question left him speechless- was he okay? The cynical, sarcastic and natural answer was No- obviously no. But for some reason, Nico did not want to say no, but rather leave his own pain to himself- not burden anyone else with it.

“Yeah.. I just gotta do something.” With that, Nico ran off looking for Dr Zhang.

Nico found Dr Zhang climbing the stairs. The hospital had a comfortable endless buzz, something that all the staff were used to- Frank was hoping to get a calm and perhaps even silent moment to himself. Instead, he got an intern.

“Dr Zhang, there’s this patient. It’s a baby in peds and they had a tetralogy spell with a heart murmur,” Nico started, his legs struggling to keep up.

“Did Ped’s ask for a consult?”

Nico stayed silent, partially because he didn’t want to feel guilty for lying and partially because he did not have a lie on him- not one that he could pull off at least.

“Di Angelo, you’re a bright kid but we can’t just walk in there without a Peds consult. It’s not like I’m the Chief of Surgery,” Frank said sympathetically as he walked off.

“Hehehee, you’reee hott,” the drunk slurred as they leaned slightly forward in a terrible attempt to flirt with Juniper. Juniper still stood in the Pit, it’s fluorescent lights giving her a headache- along with the noise levels and annoying patients. Slightly disgusted by the stench of alcohol on their breath, she pushed them back gently, making sure they didn’t flop onto the stretcher.

“You’re drunk,” she deadpanned as she prepared the sutures, “And you also need to hold still.”

Juniper was sick of the Pit, she was sick of the flourecsant lights that made her skin look like puke and most of all, she was sick of her patients; drunk and disorderly were the mass majority and since the morning, not one major casualty had come through those doors other than the rape case Nico had been assinged to.

“I know you! You’re that lady from the magazine with the red bikini..” they trailed off, their voice in a musing and questioning tone. Juniper had to physically stop herself from scoffing- It was a pink bikini. She didn’t hate her fans but sometimes people made it weird, especially drunk ones who enjoyed invading her personal space a tad too much.

“It was a pink bikini.”

The seats by the hospital doors were the perfect place (other than the vending machines) to hide from your residents- so naturally, Nico and Hazel were there, camping away during lunch. The penis in a box sat in the chair next to him as he nibbled at the rainbow sour gummy strips.

“Watcha doing?” Hazel asked as she made her way towards him.

“I’m sitting with my penis.”

“Which one?”

In response to this, Nico scrunched up his face in a sarcastic, sardonic smile that read No <3.

“I kissed McDreamy...in an elevator. I was having a bad day,” Nico started with his voice relatively quiet.

“So what do you do on your bad days, make out with McDreamy?”

“Yeah that and carrying around a severed penis just makes everything so shiny and happy,” He retorted in response to his sister.

“Jason said Allison was wearing your boots.”

“…. It's weird right? “

“It’s weird that you care so much. They’re boots and popular ones too- anyone could have them,” Hazel argued. Nico opened his mouth to respond but in that moment a bunch of frantic shouting cut them off. Behind them, right outside the hospital a man had pulled up. His skin was sickly pale, there was blood all over his legs and groin and he was struggling to move.

Nico looked at his facial features and did not expect for the man to look… well normal. For some reason, he had envisioned the man to look evil- to resemble hate itself but he just looked normal. That's when it hit Nico- rapists don’t look like rapists. They look like average people because that's what their best advantage is- the trusting nature of humanity. They don’t look evil because they need to fit in, to gain the trust of others and protect their reputation. They look normal because anybody could be a rapist- they don’t wear posters pointing it out and it’s not written on their foreheads. That's what they do best- hide.

Nico and the transport staff rushed the man in the gurney towards the operating room, their legs moving as fast as possible. The police were going to arrive soon but for now, he would have to be handcuffed to his bed. The rapist was found, Allison was alive, now what? There was no way they’d be able to re attach the penis and honestly, Nico did not want to- in his eyes, the rapist got exactly what he deserved

“Call reception and tell them we need security up here ASAP,” Nico ordered, finally taking charge. As the gurney was charged into the surgical department, Dr Chase caught on.

“What dya have Di Angelo?”

“Take a look for yourself.” He nodded towards the middle of the man's body, more specifically his groin. Annabeth quickly lifted up the drapes before letting them drop- here eyes widened and she looked at Nico with disbelief painted across her face.

“Page the Chief and Solace and tell them we’ve got the rapist,” she commanded as she took Nico’s position on the gurney and continued wheeling him to an OR.

The heart monitor was beeping steadily. The heart was moving- beating. Nico and Hazel, stood side by side watching Dr Chase performing surgery- unfortunately, they weren't assisting however they were still getting tested on their medical knowledge. The OR had it’s regular flicker of lights, the smell of antiseptics and the hues of blue across the room.

“I saw Allison, you can't believe the beating that she took and then you see this!” Nico whisper-shouted towards Hazel.

“It's like that old saying- you should see the other guy.” Hazel nodded.

“Why aren't we attempting to re-attach the severed penis?” Annabeth's stern but questioning voice cut through their conversation.

“Teeth tear not slice- you can only reattach when there's a clean cut. If she had sliced it off with a knife, perhaps then we could re-attach,” Hazel quickly recited.

“And the digestive juices didn't leave a lot of the flesh to work with,” Nico added on.

“So what are we doing?” Dr Chase asked, a hint of boredom lingering in her voice.

“Sewing him up minus a large part of the family jewels,” Nico snorted slightly.

“What will his outlook be?” Dr Chase asked while holding her hand out for the nurse to take the instrument out of her hand.

“He will be urinating out of a bag for a very very very long time,” Hazel said, slightly pleased.

“Not to mention he will never be able to have sex again,” Nico said, not in least bit sympathetic.

“Oh too bad, what a shame,” Hazel drawled.

“Let's all take a moment to grieve,” Annabeth said sarcastically before immediately asking for a clamp.

Hour 25

“Chief!” Frank jogged, trying to catch up with Chiron while waving frantically. He had taken time off and realised if he wanted this, he had to think about everyone- not just himself. He needed to learn his faults and how to get over them.

“Frank.” Chiron nodded, “Do you need something?”

“Why can’t I be chief? You helped me before, you believed in me, what changed?”

“You really want to know?” Chiron sighed looking at Frank who nodded. “You’re too comfortable in your job. You never go the extra step. Your arrogance isn’t impressive- if you want to be chief Frank, you have to earn it.”

The words knocked Frank back- My arrogance isn’t impressive? If I recall correctly, you told me to be more arrogant and now it’s a problem? You tell someone to do something and then you tell them to do the exact opposite. What in the name of Pluto is his problem?

The interns were all pretty different but they could agree that they hated their job. They were sitting on the stretchers by the vending machine (which at this point had become their hangout away from the attendings) and were complaining- which apparently makes up 80% of all human conversations.

“My head hurtss,” Grover groaned, throwing backwards against the wall.

“Maybe you have a brain tumor,” Hazel said after sipping some coffee.

“No, you want me to have a tumor.”

“I'd personally rip your face off if it meant I got to scrub in,” Hazel confessed, not feeling guilty in the slightest. Juniper made her way from the vending machine, holding a snickers bar like her life depended on it.

“I've been suturing all day, my hands are numb and I'm regretting not taking foregin languages in high school,” she sighed as she plopped her bottom onto the stretcher, leaving space for Nico and Jason.

“At least you’re helping people,” Jason called as he put his hand up the vending machine in an attempt to retrieve his chips which had decided to not obey the laws of physics and get stuck. Nico who stood behind him shuffled Jason out the way, gave the vending machine a violent kick before the packet of chips fell out, directly into Jason's hands- that was until Nico literally stole them from him.

“At least you get to practise freakin medicine!” Grover called out, sick of delivering lab results to patients.

“Mrs Lu, the chinese lady, I had to send her away. I mean I stiched her up but she stayed camping in the Pit- she left in the end though,” Juni said in a defeated tone.

“The police can't send some crime person down so I have to spend the night with a penis,” Nico complained before looking over to Grover, “ Grover don’t make the joke.”

Grover tutted, “It was too easy anyway.”

Finally, Jason cut in the conversation. They were all sick of being used and not actually learning. Gosh, did the hospital not realise that they were also doctors- not useless med students who couldn’t find their heads from their ass!

“Who here has no idea what they’re doing?” Jason cried. Everyone, except Grover, shot their hands up. Nico was not ashamed to admit he did not know what he was meant to be doing- saving lives or babysitting penises?

“Are we meant to be learning something? Because I don’t think I'm learning anything!” Jason added as he slumped further in the stretcher that they were all sharing.

“Except how not to sleep,” Juniper retorted.

“It's like there’s this wall and the attendings and the residents are over there being surgeons and were over here being-” Hazel started passionately but was cut off by her brother.

“- Suturing, code running, lab delivering penis minders,” Nico finished.

“I hate being an intern,” Grover concluded. Nico seated beside him grunted in agreement. The interns continued their mindless complaints until Dr Chase walked in, her expression stern and her arms resting on her hips in a manner that screamed And what exactly do you think you’re doing? All it took was a raised eyebrow from Dr Chase and the interns were scrambling off the stretcher and rushing off back to their jobs. She snatched the unopened pack of chips that Nico had left on the stretcher and helped herself.

Nico often made very bad decisions. It was something the people around simply expected of him at this point- if it wasn’t Bianca then it was Hazel or Percy (but normally Percy would also join in on the bad decisions). Despite being warned not to, Nico found himself staring at the baby from the NICU earlier. As Nico looked up slightly, he saw 2 people cooing towards a baby and Nico could only assume that they were the parents. He could feel the dumb and stupid thoughts brewing and bubblinmg in his mind. He tried to stop them, he tried to tell himself to not move towards them but he couldn’t help himself- he never could in all honesty. While Nico was a very patient person sometimes, some impulses just couldn’t be left on stand-by.

As Nico finished explaining to the parents what he believed to be wrong with the child, the intern in pink scrubs from earlier who had specifically told Nico to leave walked into the communal area. Nico was absolutely busted- car lights on, bambi style busted.

“I warned you to not come back here,” They snarled before beheading into another room and practically grabbing Leo Valdez by the arm. Leo slowly retracted his arm out of their grasp before dusting it lightly.

“Hi, can I help you?” Leo started, his lips parted in a gorgeous and genuine grin- something that even Nico had to admit was cute.

“If our baby is sick, we want him treated,” The parents started, their voices thick with worry and concern. Nico could practically hear the tremble in it.

“Of course, which child is yours?” Leo asked with his professionalist front- he’d have to deal with the interns later.

Frank hated the interns. He hated Chiron and he hated his life. Not necessarily in that order. He was used to the incompetence of the interns. He was used to them making mistakes or hesitating but the one thing he wasn’t used to was pure disobedience. He had directly told Di Angelo to not approach peds or any of their cases. So what exactly Di Angelo was doing with Valdez and his intern talking to a pair of seemingly very concerned parents, Frank honestly did not know and would have liked to have kept it that way.

“Dr Valdez, can we speak for a second?” Frank asked. He and Leo were good friends, he knew that Leo wouldn’t get offended or turn it into a scandal.

“Sure, I’d like to know what on earth is going on though. No offence, but your intern shouldn’t be here,” Leo started, his hand brushing his curls out of his face.

“I told you earlier to not come back and look who’s here!” The intern snarked in Nico’s face.

“The baby had a tetralogy spell* earlier and a heart murmur- they aren't consistent with a benign systolic ejection murmur!” Nico argued. Frank turned to the intern, he could already see them faltering. He wouldn’t call himself scary- it was mainly just him being tall and built like a marine, not that he really cared.

“How sure are you? How sure are you that it is a benign systolic ejection murmur? 100 percent sure?” Frank turned to the intern. He watched as their face twisted, like they had just realised that they had been a fly trapped in a spider's web.

“Are you 100 percent sure about the diagnosis?” Leo turned towards his resident, a look of hesitation and slight horror creeping up onto his face. His previous interns from the past 2 years were so much easier than this. Everyone listened to him, barely anyone died and there weren’t sneaky, semi- famous italian legacies sneaking into his department. Not that he blamed Nico, in fact he had to admit that he was secretly impressed with the doctors observation skills- especially considering he was an intern. But after all, he was a Di Angelo.

“I dunno...like 75 percent..” They mumbled towards the floor. Gods, if his intern was wrong, it would be on his ass! How on earth was he about to mess up so badly? This was his 3rd year in residency- he couldn’t afford to screw up.

“Can I see the patient's chart?” Dr Zhang held his hand out towards the intern who hastily handed it over- as if it was a ticking time bomb. Dr Zhang flipped through a few pages, pretending to read them. In reality, he had already made up his mind and was just humming the tune to Stayin alive .

“Valdez, the patient's on my service now. That chill with you?” Frank concluded. Leo gave a thumbs up, slightly relieved to have some sort of work off his back but also slightly saddened that an interesting case was snatched out of his hands by his ignorant intern.

“I want an EKG*, chest X- ray and an Echo*, let's make it quick, we don't have all day,” Frank told Nico, who nodded before quickly running off.

“He can do that?” They whispered into Leo’s ear with an astonished tone.

“Yeah, he's attending.”

“So is your girlfriend.”

“She is not my girlfriend!” Leo protested as the intern raised an eyebrow. Leo did not have a strong case here, considering Calypso was always seen with him or vice Versa. In fact, they often arrived and left the hospital together, worked on similar cases and they knew each other's coffee orders like the back of their hand. It wasn’t like anything could happen between them. In reality, they arrived and left together due to their apartments being in a close proximity, they had similar cases co-incidentally due to their specialties and well, the coffee orders… Well that was hard to explain- how would Leo say Oh yeah, I just watch her everytime she orders her coffee because her lips look very very nice and soft and when she takes a sip, her eyes flutter a bit and it makes her eyes look magical and then there’s when she’s getting mad at me because I’m taking ages to leave my apartment and she just looks like she’s about to implode but in a very sexy, cute and beautiful way.

Yeah, no way was he saying any of that.

Hour 30

Was there anything left to do? Juni had been here for so long she could practically feel the fluorescent lights in her head. The Pit was empty, the blue stretchers all cleaned up with no patients walking in. There was officially nothing to do- empty emergency and waiting room. For the sake of checking, Juni walked into the waiting room one more time, looking around for any injured souls- alas, there were none.

Except Mrs Lu, who stood in the middle of the hallway, waving her hand towards Juni as if she was gesturing for her to follow her. Juni looked around- it wasn't as if there were any patients here, what could go wrong? She tiptoed outside into the brutal thundering of the rain, which plastered her hair to her face and her white coat to her scrubs. The wind was chilly and strong- whispering to her temptations and desires. The wind was always so ethereal- it could destroy but it could also be beautiful.

“Mrs Lu? Where are you taking me?” Juniper called out as she jogged blind in the dark while the wind whipped around her face. She found herself crouching behind the large industrial hospital bins. A young girl, barely into her early 20s sat there with a large bloody wound across her forehead. On viewing it, Juniper immediately hissed. The gash looked deep and Juni could already see the edges of it forming a scab. There was blood stuck to her face, some infiltrating the tip of her eyelids and the girl herself was trying to not screw her eyes in pain.

“Oh my gods…What.. What happened?” Juni was speechless.

“A big machine in the factory.. it .. it fall on us,” the girl explained. Juniper was relieved- she knew a bit of english, enough for Juniper to understand.

“It’s going to be okay now, you can come inside an-”

“-No! No, no inside. Here!” The girl protested frantically, shaking her head back and forth which made Juniper think Ouch .

“But, I need to stitch you up and she went inside.” Juniper pointed to Mrs Lu.

“She allowed, me not allowed! I will go jail!”

Juniper realised what she was trying to tell her. Mrs Lu was a legal immigrant but the girl was an illegal one. An overwhelming amount of sympathy and admiration surged inside of Juniper. The amount of bravery this poor girl must have and all the stuff she must have gone through. Juniper knew that if she helped the girl and was caught- everything would be over. A small voice in her head was telling her to help- she was doctor after all, she took the hippocratic oath which stated I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures which are required

“The injury is deep but I think I can fix it. I need to go and get some stuff first so you have to stay here okay. Stay here.”

The girl nodded, the corner of her lips turning into a grateful smile, “Thank you.”

As Juniper was about to jog back to the hospital, she remembered she did not have one piece of information that she got from every patient- illegal or not.

“One question, what’s your name? I’m Juni,” She asked.

“Nuwa. Nuwa Lu,” the girl responded with comfort settling onto her face.

Nico didn’t like that he was short. He constantly had to push to the front of crowds, people were often belittling and it also meant he had to walk twice as fast to catch up with people who were like 6’4- Like Dr Zhang. He was not afraid to admit that he was short- he simply didn’t like that for some reason it was a bad thing; if anything, it meant he was an eco-friendly version of a human.

“Dr Zhang,” Nico sounded slightly out of breath, “ What’s the diagnosis?”

“It was the tetralogy of fallot with pulmonary atresia*. I’m booking an OR,” he confirmed.

Nico stopped walking as Frank stood by the elevator. Normally, Nico preffered to simply nod at people when they expected a thank you. It was just 2 words that he would never expect to come blurting his mouth and honestly he did not expect the words Thank you to come out when he spoke to Dr Zhang so of course, he did not say thank you. Yes, he was grateful but Thank you? To Nico, that was almost as close to I love you on the list of forbidden words.

“I appreciate you backing me up here-”

“-Nuh uh. Listen kid, you were right one time but what you did, going behind another doctor's back and speaking to the parents, trying to steal a patient from another service. Don’t ever pull that again, you got it?” Dr Zhang reprimanded him. He knew that Di Angelo had a lot of potential but if he was gonna think with his head in his ass all the time, there were going to be problems

Nico knew this was Dr Zhang's version of- you did good but also you did bad. In all honesty, Nico couldn’t care less. In fact, he was so smugly obsessed that he was right that he was very much beyond okay with being told off if it meant he was right, it was worth it. Especially since that smug little intern thought that they were so right in their gloriously pathetic little mind.

Will did not like feeling like this. He had been lucky to avoid it all his life but for some god forsaken reason, depression had started to chase him. So he took a job where he would have no time for depression- if you’re working 24/7 you don't really ever get the chance to listen to your thoughts. But as he sat down at the desk by Allison trying to focus on his charting, he could feel himself slowly losing all motivation. The beeping on the heart monitor, which normally drew a large smile across Will’s face, wasn’t helpful- it was depressing. The entire room felt bland, empty and he could feel his mind and thoughts going numb. He was trying to hold his head up, trying to be strong for his patient, trying to finish the day without having a slump. His eyes flickered back up towards Allison, whose eyes had remained closed- as if she was vegetable.

“Okay, you’re all sewn up!” Juni finished up the last touches of the stitches of Nuwa’s forehead before rolling back the squeaky old chair that she was sitting on.

“Nuwa, you might have a scar and you have to come back in 5 days okay? I need to take out the stitches and clean the wound to make sure it doesn’t get infected. So you need to come back. We will meet here, same place at 7pm. 5 days okay?” Juniper informed, trying to not rush her words all out in a panic. She watched as Nuwa gave a small nod with a shy smile indicating she understood. As Juniper packed up, she realised she had to remind Nuwa of something else.

“Oh but you can’t tell anybody that I helped you outside the hospital. I might lose my medical license and my job. Do you understand?”

“Come back in 5 days and dont tell.” Nuwa nodded eagerly towards Juni who gave her a brief hug.

“Dr Chase, do you think I’m too confident?” Dr Zhang anxiously asked. He didn’t think he’d ever have to ask such a question. To him, it seemed obvious- no. Frank recalled all his life, simply never having the confidence to do things and sure, he had boosted it up a slight notch by becoming a surgeon- a world renowned one none the less- but he wouldn’t call himself overconfident.

“No,” Annabeth answered bluntly but Zhang knew her better than she thought he did.

“Don’t lie,” Frank mumbled slightly.

“You are my boss,” Annabeth retorted. Anyone who had been nearby would have immediately snorted at such a comment- When did Annabeth Chase actually care about her bosses opinions?

“Fine, in the next 30 seconds anything you say, I will not take to heart, starting now.” Frank raised his watch before diverting his eyes to his resident who immediately started talking.

A bit eager, Chase?

“I think you’re cocky, arrogant, bossy and pushy. You also have a god complex,” Annabeth started which caused Frank to frown. God Complex? Since when?

“You never think about anybody but your damn self- “

“- Hey wait a-”

“-I have another 22 seconds and I am not done.”

Frank scratched his head while rethinking his life decisions. The most prominent thought at hand was-

Oh shit maybe this wasn't a great idea

The interns were serving their last hour on call and it had gotten to the point where they were all desperate for their lives at work to come to an end. Jason, Juniper and Hazel were all in the locker room, freshening up and looking forward to leaving the hospital.

“I need a drink, a man or a massage or a drunken massage by a man,” Hazel mused. A short ‘ew’ came from Juniper as she brushed through her knotty hair. Jason on the other hand, did not respond and instead was violently harassing his teeth with his toothbrush. Hazel took one short glance at Jason before an alarmed look creeped onto her face.

“What's wrong with you?” She asked, slipping on a new scrub shirt.

“I lost 5 patients today and I feel like the angel of death,” he spat his toothpaste out, as if he had a deep vendetta against it.

“Hey at least you're not the actual angel of death. I’m pretty sure there’s a serial killer with that alias,” Hazel responded thinking about her conversation with Nico. For some reason The angel of death reminded her of some conversation they’d had.

“Charles Cullen- convicted of 40 murders, suspected of more- currently in prison on life sentence and is 60 years old,” Nico recited as he walked into the locker room. Juniper and Jason both stopped dead in their tracks, slightly alarmed at the information that was spilling out of Nico’s mouth like he memorized it for fun.

The best part was he actually did memorise it for fun.

Casting her eyes away from her brother, who in no way surprised her with that information, Hazel sighed, “Jason, 95% of code patients can't be revived. Most are already dead by the time you get there.”

“What! Why didn't you tell me that when I was going on and on about how great it was gonna be!” Jason cried, embarrassed about his bragging. Hazel took a deep breath as she made her way to exit the room.

“Because, you’re Jason and I’m Hazel.”

Hour 40

Nico was getting really sick about the penis in a box. It literally had to follow him everywhere and worst of all, people asked him what was inside it. What kind of conversation starter was ‘oh, just a bitten off penis’? So when Nico saw Dr Solace still in the room of Allison he felt slightly relieved- at least Dr Solace wouldn’t ask him what was in the box; mainly because Dr Solace was in the surgery where the penis was retrieved.

As Nico approached Dr Solace, he noticed that he wasn't really there. His eyes seemed less alive, less sparkly and more like the dull blue hues of the hospital. It was just something about the way his hand had propped up his face as if he had no further energy to continue anything that made Nico slightly alarmed for him.

Alarmed? You’re just worried that he may pass out because then it would mean no more surgeries.

At least, that's what Nico told himself. Besides, he had other things to worry about- like how he was going to lead Solace on. Afterall, there was a reason he was putting up with him.

“Hey, how’s Allison?” Nico asked, standing directly behind Will. Will, depressed as ever responded in a small tone.

“So far, nothing’s changed.”

“Have you been here all night?” Nico asked in slight astonishment and borderline concern.

“Yep. I have 3 brothers and a sister. They’re all doctors as well. If I was in a coma, they’d all be here- I’d want them here because having nobody… I can’t imagine that.”

“I can.”

Nico hadn’t meant for the small comment to slip out of his mouth. Wills face scrunched up immediately as he turned his head to look at the intern.

“What are you on about? What about your sister?”

For a fraction of a second, Nico was horrified at the thought that somehow Will had figured out that Hazel and Nico were siblings. But then Nico remembered that Hazel levesque was not an infamous name within the world of doctors and Bianca Di Angelo was.The first person to come to mind was Hazel, not Bianca. The guilt was overwhelming- did this mean Nico was forgetting his sister? He couldn’t do that, not when she needed him! Hazel was just a girl who happened to make sarcastic quips like him, who just happened to stand up for him, who happened to be slightly related to him. So what? Did it make them family? No! In Nico’s eyes, they weren’t even siblings. Just 2 people who had to get on with each other for the sake of others around them, Bianca was his real sister.

“That’s true, I do have my sister,” Nico said but even as the words left his lips, he knew he wasn’t talking about Bianca.

“She’d be ordering surgeons around and flying cowboys* from Prague to do amazing medical procedures,” Will continued as he got up to throw a wrapper in the bin. When he returned, he leaned against the door frame slightly, as if he was a bad boy in one of those high school cliche films.

“So we’re kissing but we’re not dating, huh?” One of his eyebrows raised slightly resulting in a ridiculous face that Nico believed to be hilarious- not that he’d ever let Solace know that he thought that. Nico fell back into scheming mode- if the conversation was heading where he thought it was, he needed to have his manipulative little plan out and ready.

“I’m all for the kissing. In fact, there should be more kissing,” Will hummed.

“I don’t know how or why it happened,” Nico admitted.

“Is it gonna happen again?” Will asked before lowering his voice, “ I need to bring some breath mints. Put some condoms in my wallet.” Will winked and Nico could physically feel the blood rushing to his cheeks. He had never blushed this badly in his entire life- not even when Percy winked at him.

Abort! Abort! This was not part of the plan. Why are you blushing you incompetent good for nothing nincompoop!

“There’s this baby upstairs in peds. It’s new and not neglected. It hasn’t been disappointed by anyone or rejected. How do we get from there to here? Alisson is wearing my boots and someone has beaten the crap out of her and here she is with nobody.” Nico was practically counting down the minutes left before he could leave at this point. However, before Will could respond, a rapid beeping came from one of the machines hooked up to Allison. Will scurried forward in a panic.

“Her ICP* has doubled. Page Jackson and get an OR ready- tell them to prep for a craniotomy*. Hang a mannitol and take a blood gas*!” Will shouted over the frantic beeping of the machine.

Nico was pacing back and forth. He felt like he was Allison’s mother. There she was in surgery all by herself and he- someone who had never met her- was pacing back and forth like they had known each other their entire lives. His head practically shot up as he saw Will and Percy come through the doors he had been waiting in front of. Solace shot him a sympathetic smile as he walked past- Percy on the other hand had stayed in front of Nico and his expressions looked grave.

How was Percy meant to say this? This was his childhood best friend of his entire life and he was somehow meant to tell him that his patient was most likely now a vegetable. He didn’t know why it was going to be so hard- Nico was someone who knew how to take news. Sure, Nico never took it well and would often just isolate himself until someone forcefully dragged his butt out but he would never break down. Well, Percy had never thought he had.

“I had to leave a flap of her skull open until the pressure and swelling in her brain goes down,” Percy confessed nervously, ruffling his messy hair that had been matted down under his scrub cap.

In a pained voice, Nico whispered, “She isn’t gonna make it.”

Percy hadn’t heard Nico use such a voice since his mother had passed away. Nico had been a bit different after that- as one would expect- but the tone that he had adapted when the tragedy occurred was a tone that truly inspired fear in Percy. It was the voice of calamity combined with pain. It was like destruction without the anger, it was like love without the trust, it was like a human with no soul. It was heart wrenching.

“She’ll be fine,” Percy insisted as he pulled Nico into a hug, letting the shorter boy rest his head on his shoulder. Nico wondered if Percy was right. He liked the possibility, the chance that it was true.

But Nico realised that she’d only be alright if she ever woke up.

Nico and never been happier to sign off the custody of something away from himself. Finally, the penis he had been carrying around owud no longer be his possession- he already had a dick, thank you very much. Just ask Solace.

Will and Percy did not really interact with each other much. It wasn't anything personal but they just both run such busy departments that hanging out was something much easier said rather than done. Despite this, they were together as they stormed into the room of 312. Percy and Will were not violent people- they were surgeons, doctors, sworn under the hippocratic oath to do no harm. But it would be an understatement of the year if one were to say that they did not look like terrifying bloodthirsty hungry beasts as they slammed the light on and snarled as they walked into the room of the rapist.

Will slammed his hand onto the side of the stretcher. Once, twice and a third time. It startled the man in bed to jump awake. Threateningly, Will slammed his hand above the man in the stretcher so he was practically leaning over him while Percy stood on the other side with both hands resting on the other handle of the bed.

“We have good and bad news. The good news is that my unbiased girlfriend who is also an exceptional surgeon managed to stop you from bleeding to death,” Percy snarled.

“The bad news is we’ve given your penis to the cops. Have a nice life,” Will growled as both men left the room with Will slamming the door so hard, the hinges rattled.

Nico enjoyed watching the babies. He however, did not enjoy watching the babies with Jason, Juniper and Hazel. Watching a cooing to babies was a very private matter- if word ever got out to his attendings that this happened… well Dr Zhang had already warned him. As he watched them, he realised they get the chance to start afresh. They may have no knowledge but they give people the chance to start afresh, to be something else and change opinions.

“All right, you guys can move in,”Nico groaned, giving up. Jason and Juniper squealed, jumping up and down celebrating.

“I can't believe I caved,” Nico admitted.

Hazel snorted, “I blame the babies.”

Hour 48

The world felt groggy as her eyelids fluttered. This wasn't her cheap New York hotel room, the lights wouldn't be on. She wanted to breathe but she couldn't do it alone-she could feel something obstructing her throat. It felt like something had been forced down there and immediately memories had come flooding back. The rapist, how she had been forced to her knees, the beating. She realised this must be the hospital and if she could think and her eyes were open, then she must be alive. She watched as a doctor with curly blond hair looked at her with astonishment before grabbing the arm of another doctor- with sea green eyes and a mop of balck hair on his head.

The elevator always took ages to arrive and always took even longer to get you to the floor you wanted. Will did not mind this. Nico on the other hand, definitely minded this. He had beds to sleep in and mythomagic cards to nerd out with.

“It's intense, this thing I have for ferry boats again,” Wills voice cut straight through Nico’s thoughts. Nico turned his head to look at the source of the voice.

Of course it's you

Nico knew what would happen if they climbed the empty elevator and he was tired. Part of his plan was revived around Will Solace pinning after him and this was the perfect chance to start it.

“I’m soo taking the stairs this time,” Nico decided.

“You have no self control!” Will called out knowing Nico’s reason for not boarding the elevator, “ It’s sad really!”

Hour 49

“Hey Reyna, pass the coat next to you,” Percy asked as he grabbed his bag off the floor and kissed Annabeth on her head. Reyna tossed the coat towards Percy before grabbing her backpack and zipping up her jacket. The attendings and residents filtered out slowly, one by one leaving Leo in there by himself. Leo didn’t mind being alone. In fact, he enjoyed it. There was something about being able to hum songs while you worked with no distractions that simply appealed to him. He was currently humming a song his Tia Callida had taught him when he was little.

“Are you humming?” A voice came from behind him. Normally, Leo would have ignored the voice or made a snarky remark but he recognised this voice.

“What! Uh, no?” He shrugged sheepishly as he turned around to look at Calypso who had her eyes half closed as if she was enjoying the tune.

“Oh don’t try lying to me Leonidas . I liked it anyway,” she admitted as she leaned forward to access the coffee machine. Calypso was the only person who knew Leo’s full name and the only person he’d ever let get away with calling him that. Leo could feel a rush of butterflies from Calypso's compliment. While it seemed minor, Leo rarely got compliments- so he appreciated them but he also did not know how to properly take one without blubbering.

“What are you still doing here?” Leo asked.

“Hoping to get rid of me I see?”

“No! No, it’s just we came in at the same time and your shift is over so you’re probably tired so you should probably go home and relax,” Leo rambled.

“You also came in at the same time you know. You shouldn't be here as well.”

That shut Leo up. He sat himself on the sofa, not wanting to move. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t tired and sleep sounded so nice right now but he did not want to go home. Every time he went back to his apartment, the nightmares would come rushing back and he would wake up covered in sweat. It was like he was cursed.

“Are you okay?” Calypso’s voice sounded concerned.

“I should be asking you that mi amor.” Leo winked before mentally slapping himself. Why on earth did he call her that? Everyone knows that mi amor means my love- it's practically common knowledge!

“You aren’t going to sweet talk your way out of my question Leonidas.” Calypso’s eyes narrowed slightly as she sat on the sofa next to Leo. He sat with one leg slightly bent on the sofa and the other dangling off it whereas Calypso had both her legs crossed as if she was back in nursery.

“I’m tired Callie. Aren’t you?”

“We’re surgeons. It’s what we signed up for. And I’ve seen you tired before Valdez, you aren’t like this.”

“Like this?”

“So… distant. You’ve barely gone on any rants or tangents since forever. You only order black coffee or an almost suicidal amount of espresso now. Everytime you smile, you only do it because someone just approaches you, otherwise your face is unreadable or miserable!” Calypso cried, throwing one of her arms up.

“Just because I’m less talkative Callie doesn’t mean there’s something wrong. I need to coffee to stay awake,” Leo defended himself calmly, holding both of Calypso’s hands to help keep her from exploding.

“What is keeping you up that you need so much caffeine? Is it work, family… a partner?” Calypso’ face physically scrunched up at the idea of Leo losing sleep over doing the deed with another person.

“I...I’m just not getting as much sleep as I should be getting. You know how tough work can be on residents especially because I’m looking for a peds fellowship,” Leo lied through his teeth. He could feel the empty pit of anxiety inside of him calm slightly as he saw the stressed out facial features of Calypso relax. While he felt guilty for lying, he felt better that it wasn’t stressing her out so much. It was only then that he noticed how close their bodies were. They weren’t extremely close but they weren't exactly far away either.

“I've got to tell you about this couple I had today. So the mother is all excited because she wants a boy and the dad is really really excited because he wanted a girl and they’re both arguing back and forth about which one the baby will be. So I do the ultrasound and guess what!”

“What?” Leo asked, practically smitten with her features. The way her eyes widened with glee as she talked about her patients, or how her smile was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Her cheeks had these dimples that would appear every time she spoke but when she smiled, the ones under her eyes would show up and it was always endgame for him then. Her eyes were like pools of honey- sweet, delicate and magical. There was just something about the way her curly hair would always be in a tropical hairstyle as if she was on a beach that made him want to kiss her.

“They had twins! Yeah, so it was a case of twin to twin transfusion syndrome* and one was a boy and the other a girl. So in the end they both got what they wanted and I got myself a very very interesting case!”

Leo chuckled as he watched her rant. As they fell into conversation about their patients, they got closer and closer until they both had their arms leaning on the sofa and were gazing at each other's faces. Calypso’s eyes drifted downwards towards Leo’s rolled up sleeves- as they always did. As her eyes traveled upwards, she spotted something by Leo’s collarbone- like a flick of ink. She didn’t know if she read it right but it looked like it said Bad Boy Supreme with a small fire around it.

“Is that.. Is that a tattoo?” Calypso asked, her hand reaching forward to pull at his shirt slightly to gain a better view. Caught slightly off guard, Leo froze before remembering that he did in fact have a tattoo. He unbuttoned the first 3 buttons to give her a better view.

“Leonidas… did you actually… oh my gods.” Her hand had accidentally pressed on Leo’s chest which was surprisingly muscle. Leo looked scrawny, wasn’t the tallest (still taller than Nico) and didn’t hang out with any other people beside his colleagues so Calypso was not expecting a firm plate of muscle to be directly underneath her palm.

“Yep. You said I should get Bad Boy Supreme tattooed, so I did,” he said rather shakily. Could you blame him though? You try talking normally while the girl you’re in love with touches your chest and has her face up so close against it you could feel her breath.

“I did not think you had it in you,” she confessed, her face still close to his chest with her finger now tracing the art.

“ Mamacita , I’m offended,” he huffed jokingly. She raised her head slightly to raise an eyebrow only to be slightly alarmed at how close they were. If she moved one millimeter upwards, their lips would touch. Her hand was warm on his chest and she could feel his heart beating slightly faster as she traced the words of his tattoo. Her other hand was in his hair- the luxurious chocolate curls which obstructed his face bothered her- she wanted to see his eyes. She pushed them back ever so slightly. She was so close to his face, she could see the different shades of brown that pooled in his eyes- in a sort of chaotic manner that made his eyes look majestic. She couldn't help but stare into them and draw herself close to him- his eyes were honey and she was a bee. She dared to move her head slightly higher so that their eyes locked. They knew what each other were thinking. They could feel each other's thoughts.

Leo kept his gaze on Calypso’s eyes which had darted down to his lips. She watched as he swallowed and his lips parted softly. She raised her head and moved slightly forward and they could each other breath dancing on their lips. Their lips brushed, like a painter's first stroke on a canvas. They were slow, not desperate- it was like they had all the time in the world. Their lips were barely touching like butterfly wings. Leo could feel her warmth and inhale the coffee on her breath. Just as they were about to truly kiss, Leo’s pager started beeping making them both scramble backwards away from each other.

Without another word, Leo got up and left the room.

All the things that have a little * by it will have definitions down here! Code team: The team on call who are required to respond to a code blue which is when someone's heart has stopped GCS: Stands for the Glasgow Coma Scale. It measures a person's level of consciousness after a brain injury- it measures the function of the eyes, body and speech. BP: Is an abbreviation for the 'blood pressure'. Ventilator: Is a machine that essentially provides air for your body when you cannot do it yourself- often patients who suffer extreme injuries will be put on a ventilator. BA: Stands for bachelor of Arts which is an undergraduate degree- please keep in mind that it's not a literal degree in art, it's just called that. PHD: Stands for Doctor of Philosophy. Once again, this isn't a literal doctorate degree in Philosophy. MD: Stands for Doctor of Medicine- now this is a degree that is literally in medicine. Asystole Pulse: In the most basic way I could put it, flatlining. That means that the heart has completely stopped. Benign tumour: If a tumour is benign, it is harmless or not posing any threat to the body. Benign systolic ejection murmurs: Is normally a harmless condition where the heart makes a murmur because something is obstructing the valves in the heart. Tetralogy spell: When there is a quick drop in oxygen in the body and it makes the skin appear blue. EKG: Stands for electrocardiogram which is when those wires are stuck to your chest so that they can measure your heart's electrical signals. An EKG can also be called an ECG. Echo: An 'echo' is an abbreviation of echocardiogram- not to be confused with electrocardiogram. An echocardiogram is basically an ultrasound of the heart. Fallot of tetralogy with pulmonary atresia: This is a very complicated condition but essentially, it's the result of the 5 defects that this condition causes in the heart. Cowboy doctor: Is a doctor who is so definite in their diagnosis, they refuse to consider any other options. ICP: Stands for intracranial pressure which is just the pressure in your brain. Craniotomy: Not to get confused with a craniectomy, a craniotomy is when a piece of skull is removed temporarily to expose the brain. Mannitol: Mannitol is a sugar alcohol that can be used to decrease the intracranial pressure. TTS: Also known as Twin to Twin transfusion syndrome is a rare condition where twins in the womb share the same placenta- the result of this is one child getting more oxygen and nutrients than the other.

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writeraquamarinara · 4 years ago

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as with everything else in life, I’m late to making this post. I tend to make one around Jan 1st every year, but it’s now a few days after that, and all i can say for myself is that time is non-consequential during a pandemic, right? right.

anywho, this is my usual “thank you for keeping me going this year” post, but with even more fervor. 2020 would not have been nearly as tolerable without you all in it. and when i say all i really do mean all. thank you to anyone who follows me here or has read and supported my work on AO3 or has sent me a message or an ask or even just likes my posts. you can never know how many people’s hearts you’ve touched, lives you’ve made better, but i’m telling you now: you made me smile and laugh and feel love in a year that could have easily stolen all that. thank you for sticking around.

a few more specific shoutouts are under the cut to keep from flooding your dashes. i hope you’re all having a wonderful start to the new year.

much love, mari

to @anniemurphys: ria, i cannot thank you enough, for so many things. you played such a vital role in turning this year around for me. your friendship, and the friendships you’ve helped me make through book club, kept me smiling from week to week. i never wanted to leave our meetings, no matter how long they’d already gone. I could listen to your literary analyses and life advice for days on end. you’re such a kind, patient, loving person, and I’m so lucky to have you in my life. here’s to another year of freaking out over taylor swift albums and the power inherent in voluntarily turning oneself into vegetation.

to @bigdsgirl: heidi, you’re one of the sweetest, most hard-working people i know. you amaze me, and you graciously humor my latest hyper fixations—somehow always knowing, always reblogging content related to what i’m obsessing over at the moment. you give such great advice and have such a calming presence that i love being in chats and on calls with you. i cannot wait for more zoom movie nights in 2021.

to @hellodinoflower: raptor, you’ve supported me for so many years now, and whenever i feel down about my writing i’ll go back through the comments on some of my old fics and yours always make me tear up. you’re so thoughtful and kind and excited about my work that i cannot help but be the same. i hope you enjoyed the little dino reference in pride & publishing—i tried my best, i really did—and i hope you’re doing well. sending you so much love.

to @soyforramen: soy, i promise i’ll get to your head canon asks some day. i promise i haven’t forgotten them; i’m just uncreative and uninspired, but what else is new. you, however, are brilliant and kind and thoughtful, and your guidance in making both life and fic-writing decisions has been so important to me this year. wishing you so much luck with school this year, and even more happiness.

to @ithoughtyoulikedmereckless: rach, where to even begin? you’re the person i talk to when i’m feeling happy or sad or annoyed or angry or pretty much anything, really. our FaceTime convos are my favourite, no matter what time of day we have them at (somehow, the ones at 10pm are just as crazy as the ones at 3am, and i don’t really understand how or why, but i love that for us). i’ve learned so much about myself through my conversations with you, and you keep me level headed when i start doubting myself too much. you understand me on such an amazing level and i’m so lucky that you reached out to me so many years ago. i’m so lucky that we just happened to find each other on here and just so happened to move near each other this year. i still cannot believe i get to see you in person and go on walks in the woods with you. you’re such a talented photographer, writer, painter, baker, and all around artist; an incredibly kind and funny person; and i aspire to be you. i’m rambling now, but just know that i love you.

to @catthecoder: lav, my light, my love. seeing your icon and username on my dash makes me smile so hard. you just give off the best vibes and chatting with you always leaves me feeling like i’ve been basking in the sunlight for the past few hours. we need to make a resolution to sprint with each other more often this year, even if 2021 is going to be as hectic as ever, as i find so much joy in reading your snippets as we go along. you’re such a wonderful writer, and i often read your gift to me from years ago for inspiration and comfort. i hope you’re doing well and am sending so much love.

to @stirringsofconsciousness: stirrings!! i know you’ve had a super busy year, but you still made time to chat with me and i’ll be forever grateful. i often think about the advice you’ve left for me and the thoughtful responses you’ve given to my personal posts and find so much inspiration in your own words and actions. i also still cannot get over the time when you sent me a post of artful vases because you thought of me when you saw them. mortifying ordeal of being known who? anyways lol, i just wanted to thank you for being in my life and wish you a happy 2021.

to @heavy-lies-the-crown: alex, i just wanted to thank you for putting your time and energy towards answering my incessant questions this year. you’ve been an inspiration to me as a writer ever since i first found your work, but you’re also an inspiration to me as a person, and i’m always thinking about the advice you’ve given me. i hope you had a wonderful end to 2020, and that 2021 brings you even more joy than seeing your posts on my dash brings me. much love.

to @stonerbughead: maria, you brought so much happiness to my 2020. your support for my work took my breath away every time, and I swear I nearly cried when I saw your latest comments on pride and publishing. you put so much time and energy into this fandom, and into supporting the people in it, and I hope you know that it doesn’t go unnoticed. we all love you, and we’re so lucky to have you; your fics are brilliant, your podcast highlights are a joy to read, and your disdain for ras is hilarious. thank you for being you. sending lots of love.

to @sullypants: sully, it’s been years and i still marvel at how lucky i am to know you. you’ve taught me so much, from how to be more thoughtful to how to navigate therapy and self-love to how to be a kinder person in the world. you introduced me to ask polly and you send me really nice asks and you’re one of like four people who interacts with my posts on a consistent basis, which makes me feel a little less alone in the world, if that makes any sense. i’m going to stop myself from rambling on or else i might cry, but i just wanted to thank you for—here comes the cliche—changing my life (doesn’t everyone we meet change our lives, in some way or another? but you’ve changed mine considerably, and for the better). sending you so much love (in the form of both yellow and blue heart emojis)

to @justcourbeau: mel, our paths cross less frequently now than they used to, but that doesn’t mean i don’t think about you and the conversations we’ve had, or smile when i come across your posts on my dash, or when i happen to open up instagram once in a blue moon and see you’ve posted on your story. please never stop sending me sparknotes memes—especially cask of amontillado ones. your words of advice from the night i called you, distraught, a few years ago live in my brain rent free, and i will continue to carry them into 2021 with me. i hope 2021 treats you well, and that you achieve all you want and more. sending you an immense amount of love.

to @protectorofthesmoll: your string of comments on pride and publishing made me cry multiple times, i swear. i still read them back every so often, when i’m trying to muster the courage to start up on the new chapter. your support means so much to me, and it amazes me how far back it goes: I’m pretty sure I have at least two asks of yours sitting in my inbox, from back in 2018 when I had barely any followers or supporters, both of them writing prompts that I never filled. i promise i’ll get to them one day. anywho, i just wanted to thank you for your support this year, and every year before that. wishing you so much love and happiness in 2021.

to @panalegs27: 2020 was the year of figuring out that we have so much in common: a hatred of dating apps, confusion over tumblr’s obsession with the raven cycle, and an attraction to logan lerman with gray hair. thank you for chatting about all of these things, and more, with me; seeing that you’ve sent me a post always makes me smile, and our conversations make me laugh. wishing you even more love and laughter in 2021.

to @indiebughead: maria, it’s been so lovely getting to know you more over the course of this year. i love listening to your stories and living vicariously through you, lol. (i want updates on new neighbor boy, asap!) thank you for listening to my petty rants and for encouraging me to make bad decisions and be salty on main when i want to be. i couldn’t have asked for a more supportive conspirer ;) sending lots of love.

to @redundantoxymorons: iz, you’re one of the smartest, most eloquent, most supportive people i know. i know 2021 will be both stressful and exciting in many ways, and i wish you all the best. i know you’re going to thrive wherever you end up, and i’ll cheer you on as you navigate this new world, just as you’ve done for me all these years. i’m so lucky to have you as a friend, supporter, and beta, and all of our conversations bring me so much joy. pls continue to gush about taylor swift and rec books and send uquizzes with results that make me feel Known in 2021. i love you very much <3

to @cracklr: leda, i’ve missed your passive aggressive smiley faces, but your gushing insta comment more than made up for that, i promise :) sending you so much love and happiness in this new year <3

to @dottie-wan-kenobi: dottie, the posts we send each other make me so upset, but in a good way—the “if i just had to see this nasty shit then so do you” kind of way—and i love that about our relationship. who else would understand how disgustingly hilarious something is other than my wife? no one, that’s who. i often think about how you were the first friend i made in fandom, and i’ll be forever grateful for that: i couldn’t have found a better person. i love you so much, and am sending you all my love.

this list of shoutouts is really much shorter than it should be, but my brain is currently friend and i cannot seem to think properly anymore. therefore, i’m going to call it a day and reiterate my above statements that I love you all, and I hope you have a fucking amazing 2021.

#i can't find my 2019 one of these so i've decided i need to start tagging them with something so i can read them back #so for posterity:#end of the year appresh #anywho #none of this is edited or read over #so if it's embarrassingly cheesy or there are typos... welp

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metalandmagi · 5 years ago

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Summer 2019 Anime Worth Watching

Summer is here, and with it brings another new season of anime! In case you’re feeling lost and want to find some new shows to pass the time, here’s some of the anime I think are worth checking out...because some really good shows tend to fly under the radar. I think there’s some genuinely interesting stuff this season, so hopefully you’ll find something you like too.

I also have a Winter list and a Spring list and a fall list now!

And here’s my master list for 2020

New Shows!

Given: A *cough* BL *cough* romance anime in which tsundere highschool guitarist Ritsuka Uenoyama is on the verge of losing his passion for music when he stumbles upon the sleepy-eyed Mafuyu Sato who constantly carries a guitar around that he doesn’t know how to play. Drama and musical shenanigans ensue. This was by far my most anticipated show of the season, because I happen to have read a few chapters of this manga and liked it a lot. The only reason I stopped was because I wanted to hear the music in this music oriented story...so naturally the anime makes me very happy. Not only is it sweet and cute with great animation, but it’s also hilarious. Sato is also basically a human incarnation of a lost puppy, and you just help but fall in love with him and the other characters! AND NOW WE HAVE TWO GAY MUSIC SHOWS THIS SEASON!

Dr. STONE: An action adventure anime that takes place 3,700 years in the future after the world is struck with a mysterious phenomenon that turns the entire human race to stone. Our protagonists: the genius, scientific minded Senku Ishigami and the muscle-y comic relief Taiju Oki, must find a way to rebuild civilization and turn humanity back to normal using the POWER OF SCIENCE! It’s fun, good looking, and way more interesting than I thought it would be. I’m not very attached to the main characters yet, although it’s still early. I’m mainly sticking around for the plot, the comedy, and the answers to the crazy amount of questions I have after watching the first episode!

Fire Force: An action/drama where super powered fire fighters must protect Tokyo from people who are spontaneously combusting while our hero Shinra must find out who started the fire that killed his mother. More than anything, I’d say this show is definitely worth watching for the cinematography and action because almost every second has been high flying dynamic animation that really grips you. It reminds me a lot of Soul Eater, the story and characters have a lot of potential, and you know an anime will be good when the girls have muscles too!

If it’s for My Daughter, I’d Even Defeat a Demon Lord: Can you tell it’s based on a light novel? A slice of life set in a fantasy world where an adventurer named Dale stumbles upon an adorable lost little girl in the woods, who happens to be branded as a criminal. So of course Dale basically adopts her and tries to find out how she came to be with him. It’s basically fantasy School Babysitters without the tragic depth to it (but there’s room for potential). Yes, this is definitely the most wholesome show of the season, but it’s to be expected considering it’s basically Japan’s latest attempt to get people to have more babies. Personally, the most interesting aspect of this show is the fact that Dale and his “daughter” can’t speak the same language. Unfortunately, the light novel ends up pulling a Bunny Drop...so I sincerely hope the anime doesn’t try the creepy romance factor. So for now, if you feel like puking up some rainbows, give this one a try.

To the Abandoned Sacred Beasts: An action drama where, during a civil war, one side used “forbidden technology” to enhance their soldiers and basically turn them into badass monsters. The only problem: the soldiers who were turned start to lose their humanity and end up killing humans for the fun of it. Now our protagonist must hunt down his fellow soldiers and kill them before it’s too late. Honestly, this show has some pacing issues and can be a bit stilted in terms of its character interactions, but what kept me watching was the last 5 minutes of the first episode. I was so not prepared for the roller coaster that was the first episode’s ending, and now I’m extremely intrigued. Besides it’s made by MAPPA so I would at least give it a couple episodes to see if it’s for you.

Vinland Saga: The story of a young boy named Thorfinn’s journey to become a great warrior and while the adults deal with going to war. IT’S THE ONE WITH THE VIKINGS!!! It basically feels like a darker, grittier viking version of Moana. I’ve heard literally nothing but praise for this manga for so many years that my hopes skyrocketed as soon as I heard Wit was doing the adaption. And it has definitely lived up to the hype so far! It’s a great action historical drama to fill the void after Dororo. The only problem is no one will watch it because it’s on Amazon Prime.

Kochouki: Wakaki Nobunaga: A fun brightly colored historical anime about the famous warlord Nobunaga when he was a young teenager. I honestly don’t know what the tone of this anime is going to be from here on out, because it’s going to go from “fun thieving shenanigans with pretty boys” to leading people into battle, but it got me interested. I know putting Nobunaga in an anime isn’t exactly original, but this one seems like a fun ride...and it looks gay as fuck.

And I have to shout out some that haven’t premiered yet...just in case...

Try Knights: This one doesn’t come out until the end of July, but you bet your ass I’m going to be watching it because it’s an original anime about PRETTY BOYS PLAYING RUGBY! And I have a feeling it’s going to be very... different from the other resident rugby anime All Out.

Yokai Ningen BEM (Humanoid Monster BEM): Okay, this one’s not out yet either, but the trailer had a really cool vibe to it, so I’m including it anyway. It’s a remake of the 1968 anime in which a group of yokai who look like humans fight crime in the big city. If nothing else, the music is cool, and it’s made by Production I.G, so why not?

*UPDATE* The first episode finally dropped, and holy crap I’m so into this. It’s basically Durarara mixed with Psycho Pass mixed with Bungo Stray Dogs. The first episode has me completely hooked!

Next seasons and continuations!

As always there are some leftovers from the spring season that are continuing into the summer that I highly suggest!

Carole and Tuesday: The musical sci-fi anime directed by Shinichiro Watanabe wherein a rich runaway named Tuesday meets a streetwise girl named Carole, and the two decide to start a band together. Now Carole and Tuesday must rise to stardom in a world dominated by android created music. It was by far my favorite new show of the spring, and if you can find a way to watch it (because it’s still not available legally anywhere aside from Japanese Netflix apparently) I wholeheartedly recommend it. It’s got the best and most diverse music I’ve seen in an anime in a long time, an interesting setting (apparently it takes place in the Cowboy Bebop universe!?), and very well rounded fun characters. And I'm dying for a soundtrack release with all the songs!!!!

Fruits Basket 2019: Yes, the remake of the classic 2001 anime in which a girl moves in with a family who can turn into animals from the zodiac is getting a full run. And thank God because I just can’t say goodbye to it after only 12 episodes. It is so stunningly beautiful in both animation and story subjects that I don’t know what I would do without it. The characters feel so much more fleshed out, and I feel like I learn a lesson about life each week even though I already know most of what’s going to happen. If you never watched the original because thought you were too “cool” to watch a shoujo anime, give it a chance. Because if you think it’s just a generic love triangle romance show, you couldn’t be more wrong. The reboot is so good at portraying different kinds of love and how the presence of love and family can change lives AND IT’S JUST SO FREAKING GOOD!

Demon Slayer Kimetsu no Yaiba: In case you missed Ufotable’s newest project, this is a shounen anime that follows a young boy named Tanjiro and his sister Nezuko who has been possessed by a demon and their journey to turn Nezuko back to normal while fighting demons along the way. I still feel like this is a pretty basic shounen anime story wise, but I really like the characters, especially the villains. It has some of the coolest fighting/power mechanics I’ve seen in awhile, and the animation is very cool and different!

Ace of Diamond act 2: Our favorite shounen baseball anime is continuing into the summer. And I have very mixed feelings about this season so far. We are getting some fun new characters and some great scenes with the team, but the games are very...choppy and rushed. Apparently this is how it goes down in the manga, and we’re in for some good Sawamura development...but it’s still touch and go for me personally.

That’s it for now. Most of these are available on Crunchyroll, except Vinland Saga, Carole and Tuesday, and Kochouki: Wakaki Nobunaga. Since Try Knights and Yokai Ningen BEM aren’t out yet, I don’t know where they will be available legally.

See you next season!

#long post #anime recommendation #summer 2019 anime #ace of diamond #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #fruits basket #carole and tuesday #try knights #yokai ningen bem #kochouki: wakaki nobunaga #vinland saga #to the abandoned sacred beasts #katsute kami datta kemono-tachi e #if it's for my daughter i'd even defeat a demon lord #fire force #dr stone #given #given anime

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reidsexualwriting · 5 years ago

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Beard Kink (Hotch/Reader)

I've been binge-watching Criminal Minds for the past three weeks and all I can do is think about the fact that Hotch is no longer on the show. And I get teary-eyed just thinking about it. So here's some Hotch smut because I need it (and because Hotch with a beard has me feeling all kinds of ways). This has a lot of build-up, so I hope y'all don't mind a little bit of plot.

Title: Beard Kink Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Reader Rating: M/Explicit Words: 2538 Warnings: Smut. Language. The "sharing a bed" trope (I think it qualifies as a warning) for convenience sake. No Derek Morgan--possibly the saddest part of this fic. Unprotected sex--please be safe in real situations. Sir kink (can you even write a Hotch smut fic without it?). Aaron Hotchner with a beard.

When you walked into the bullpen, JJ greeted you with a bagel in her outstretched hand and a smile on her face. "Hey! We missed you so much!" You had been hit in your side by a stray bullet a few cases back and had to take some time off while it healed. Of course, the team had seen you since then. JJ and Prentiss brought meals by your house almost every week, Garcia brought all the candy she could fit in her purse on a given day, and Reid would bring you books to read. It was just good to be back on the job where you belonged.

You were the second person in the briefing room; Hotch was waiting at the table with a case file open. When you stepped in, he glanced up from the file and smiled fondly. "Y/N," he sighed, standing up and outstretching his hand. "It's so good to have you back." You took his hand in yours and shook firmly, finally getting a good look at him.

He had a beard. Not a Duck Dynasty beard or anything, but definitely not stubble. It was the perfect length for his features.

Immediately, for a nanosecond, all acceptable responses to the interaction left your brain only to be replaced by thoughts of what he would look like between your legs. You could practically feel his beard scraping your thighs.

You quickly regained your composure, and grinned. "It's great to be back! I'm so ready to get back to work." Your hands fell to your sides as the rest of the team walked in from the bullpen. While you waited for Garcia for the briefing, the team began to update you on all the cases they had worked in the time you had been gone.

Garcia walked into the room and stood in front of the screen. "Before I get into the absolutely horrible, disgusting, awful details of this case, I would like to extend a warm and fuzzy welcome to our wonderful Y/N," she quipped, tilting her head and smiling at you. "We missed you so much, sweetie." Her posture changed as she pulled up the case details. "Alright, now onto the nitty gritty of it all."

Garcia finished her briefing on the case, and you gathered your go-bag and headed to the plane. It was a serial killer in some small Minnesota town. In the air, the team was working on a preliminary profile when Hotch interrupted. "We're going to be sharing rooms for this case. JJ and Prentiss, you're together." He looked down at the notepad in his lap. "Reid and Rossi, you're in a room. And Y/N, you and I will be together."

When he said the two of you would be in the same room, you had mixed feelings. There was the sense of 'oh-shit-that's-my-boss', but the 'I've-definitely-imgained-this-since-I-started-working-with-him' feeling most definitely persisted, almost moreso than the former. You snuck a glance at him from your seat across the aisle and you could've sworn he was smirking. You looked away as he resumed the profile-building session.

When you landed in Minnesota, it was almost 6PM. The team checked in at the sheriff's office, the crime scene, and the coroner's office before heading back to the hotel on the outskirts of town. You received your room key first, so while Hotch remained in the lobby checking the rest of the team in you made your way to the room.

You noticed the single queen sized bed in the center of the room, but quickly dismissed any thoughts and fell backwards onto the bed. Even the short day you had was already exhausting, and you were ready to go to bed. When Hotch walked into the room, you were still lying on your back on the center of the bed, eyes closed.

"Is the bed that comfortable?" he asked. You shot up, your shoulders tensing up at his voice. "I was just messing with you," he explained, letting a small laugh escape.

You relaxed, letting your shoulders slump once again. "I'm just really tired. Turns out, getting shot takes a lot out of you."

He raised an eyebrow at the comment and sighed. "Would you like to shower? If you're that tired, you can have first go."

"Uh, no, I'm more of a morning shower gal," you explained. "I'm just gonna lie down. You can do whatever though. It won't keep me from sleeping."

He hesitated. "Alright. I'm going to take a shower tonight." He started making his way towards the bathroom door, but as he reached for the knob he turned once again to face you. "You haven't said anything about the one bed--are you sure you're okay with sharing? I can sleep on the couch."

"Oh, no," you responded. "It doesn't bother me at all. We're both adults. I'll probably be asleep before you even get out of the shower anyways." You chuckled.

"Alright," he affirmed. "I will talk to you in the morning." He stepped into the bathroom. When you heard the water running, you shucked off your blouse and pants in favor of a pair of shorts and a tank top. You debated on whether to wear a bra or not, but decided against it. After all, Hotch was your coworker and a close friend. You were not going to sacrifice comfort for fear that he would maybe see the outline of your nipple.

Surprisingly, you didn't fall asleep by the time he finished showering. When the water cut off, you were almost creeped out by the overwhelming silence in the room. Even more surprisingly, he had not brought a change of clothes into the bathroom with him; when he opened the door, your eyes were met with a shirtless Aaron Hotchner with only a towel wrapped around his waist. He looked at himself in the mirror with his brows furrowed and a hand on his jawline, seemingly inspecting his face. You silently thanked whoever was listening that he had decided not to shave.

He made his way out into the main room, which was dark save the light from the half-open bathroom door. He ruffled through his go-bag on the couch at the base of the bed before seemingly settling on something to sleep in. He didn't say anything to you, so he must have assumed you were asleep already. You weren't staring at him or anything; you were still facing the bathroom door. In your peripheral vision, however, you saw him shuck the towel off and swiftly pull a pair of boxer-briefs on.

Of course, in that light and from that angle, you couldn't truly see his form, but regardless, your breath caught in your throat. He pulled on a t-shirt and made his way to the opposite side of the bed where he slid under the covers.

You were sure you weren't getting to sleep soon, but you were just glad he was out of your vision. At least your thoughts weren't accompanied by the image anymore.

You closed your eyes and tried to focus on sleep. Hotch stirred in the bed. You held your breath when you felt him lean over your body. "The silence in this room is deafening. Don't you think, Y/N? I can hear your heart pounding." He put a hand on your upper arm, where goosebumps immediately formed. "I'm assuming you enjoyed the show I put on for you." You choked on a gasp. "Do you want to keep going?" he asked, the concern in his voice evident. You managed a nod. "I want you to say it. I want to make sure."

"Yes," you stated with surprising confidence. He gently tugged your arm to turn you to face him then placed his hand on your back. He had left the bathroom light on, so when you looked up into his eyes you could see his dilated pupils clearly. His hand travelled up your back and into your hair. He gently pulled your face to his in a heated kiss.

When he finally pulled back, he chuckled softly. "I have wanted to do that forever." Your hands moved to his waist where your fingers played at the hem of his shirt. "Take it off," he ordered.

"Yes sir," you replied obediently, pulling the shirt over his head. He groaned at your response and yanked your shirt off in one pull. As he surveyed your torso, you could tell he was trying his best to commit everything to memory. Just as you were about to say something else his lips latched around one of your nipples, drawing a gasp from you. He brought a hand up to fidget with your other nipple.

Your breathing grew labored as he continued to tease you. You dragged a hand up to the back of his head; you ran your fingers through his hair to praise him for his actions.

He pulled off your nipple with a 'pop' but immediately replaced his mouth with his other hand. "Just a quick question," he spoke. "You're okay to have sex right? Medically, I mean."

"Yes sir." He pinched your nipple hard on the word, eliciting a squeak from you. "My doctor cleared me for strenuous physical activity."

He smirked. "Good." He planted a quick kiss on your lips and sat up to kneel at your feet. He pulled your shorts and panties down, and you instinctively closed your legs. He gripped your thighs and pulled your legs apart once again. You felt exposed but still immensely turned on while he looked at your most intimate parts. The circles he rubbed into your thighs soothed you.

When he was satisfied, he moved one of his hands to your clit--first just ghosting over it then gently rubbing circles with his thumb. You sunk into the sheets and felt him looking up at you."I've barely touched you and you're already soaked." You could feel his breath on your thigh. "You really must have enjoyed the show I put on." He increased the pressure of his thumb. "I knew you would like the beard," he uttered. "I figured you would imagine how it would feel on your pussy. Am I right?"

"Yes," you admitted.

He stopped the circles and you whined. "Yes what?"

"Yes sir."

"Good girl," he approved, resuming his ministrations. "What do you want?"

"I want your mouth on me, sir," you whimpered. "Please sir."

He didn't say anything, just lowered his mouth onto your sex. As his tongue danced around your clit you gripped onto the sheets, trying to suppress your moans. "I want to hear you," he said between licks. "I want the whole team to hear you."

You didn't hold back any longer, whimpering and moaning every time his tongue swiped your sensitive bud. He alternated between holding your clit between his lips and the small kitten licks from before. At this point you were bucking up against him. "Sir, I'm gonna cum," you warned him.

"Cum all over my tongue," he encouraged. In just a few seconds you did just that, letting out a load groan as you fell over the edge. He eagerly lapped up all that you gave him and worked you through the high. When you finally recovered he was once again rubbing small circles into your thigh and you were left panting on the bed.

"You aren't even naked yet," you observed. You raised your head up to look at him. "That was amazing. But I still want more."

After you uttered those words, his underwear was off in seconds. He moved up the bed so that his dick was level with your eyes and looked down at you. You wrapped a hand around him, dragging the precum from the tip down the shaft. You began stroking up and down, watching his expression with hooded eyes. You licked the tip and watched as his head fell back, eyes closed and mouth open.

You licked a stripe from the base to the tip before taking him into your mouth. He let out a low moan. You took him in further until you had reached the base where you lingered. "Fuck," he hissed. "Your mouth feels good." You smiled around him and he tangled his fingers in your hair. Using the leverage, he guided your mouth up and down his length.

He pulled you off him gently. "I want you to ride me," he commanded. He reclined on the bed, his back supported by the pillows. You swung a leg over his hips and took his face in your hands. While you kissed him, he grabbed his length and slid it against your pussy teasingly.

You pulled back and stared into his eyes as you sunk down onto him. You both moaned in sync as you started to ride him. "You have no clue how many times I've imagined this," he whispered. He gripped your ass. "Watching you ride me." He landed a smack on your left cheek. "I want you to cum again. Use me to cum."

You desperately grinded on him with your arms wrapped around his neck. He brought his hands from your ass to your nipples once again. When he pinched both your nipples you cried out. You leaned into the crook of his shoulder and bit down on his neck, sure to leave a mark. You moaned into his shoulder as you came a second time, feeling overwhelmed. When you came down from the high you kissed him once again.

"Where do you want me to cum?" he asked you, rubbing your back.

"I'm on birth control, sir," you responded. "Wherever you want."

He pushed you off of him and flipped you over so you were on your hands and knees. Once again, he pushed into you. "You take me so well," he praised. "So beautiful." He gripped onto your hips for better leverage.

His thrusts got faster and stronger as he went. He continued sputtering praises while you moaned into the pillows. Every few thrusts, he would land a light slap on your ass.

His thrusts grew sloppy and you could tell he was nearing his edge. "I want you to cum, sir," you encouraged. "I want you to cum inside me." Your comments pushed him over the edge and he spilled inside you. He collapsed on top of you.

When he rode out his orgasm, he pulled out of you and hurried to the bathroom to grab a towel and cloth to clean up with. He gently wiped the two of you clean before falling next to you on the bed. "That was perfect," he uttered. "At least for me. I hope you enjoyed it."

"Sir, I think that was the best sex I have ever had." You put a hand on his cheek. "How did you know I liked your beard?"

"Well, while you were gone the team went out after a case; Garcia may have had a little too much to drink and told me you had a 'beard kink'".

"Oh my God--of course she would tell you." Even though you cursed Garcia, you knew you would have to text her later and thank her for disclosing your little secret.

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner/reader #hotch x reader #hotch/reader #aaron hotchner smut #criminal minds reader insert #rsw writes #smut #hotch smut #god DAMN i miss aaron hotchner

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mayisani · 5 years ago

Text

Timmy & Y/N Podcast Pt.2

A/N: Thank you so much for all the love on part 1 it means the absolute world to me. Here is part 2 hope you enjoy it. Also requests are open if you want me to write anything in particular or if you have anything to say. Anyways enough of holding you up enjoy reading, much love 💕

Warning: Fluff, Cussing, Smut

Word Count: 4324

Also if you haven’t read PART 1 HERE IT IS

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You had just finished recording the first episode of your new podcast

As you were getting ready to go out to get some takeout for dinner you felt dread. You hadn’t been out in a while due to the current pandemic what made things even worse was how hard New York was hit by it. As you put on Timmy’s Kid Cudi merch hoodie that he had worn when he opened his show and your favorite black leggings with some basic Nikes. You could hear Timothée outside in the living room ordering the take out from East Village Pizza, so you guys could quickly pick it up instead of having to order in person. He finished up ordering and came into the room to grab his wallet. He looked over at you seeing the clear fear in your face.

“What’s wrong?” he said coming over to you going in for a hug

You hugged him back and looked up at him “I’m just worried about going out. I was talking to Pauline last night and she was just telling me how bad things are getting. I know I should be careful and not fearful but it still bothers me you know.”

“No, I get it. We’re living through very chaotic times right now and it perfectly fine to feel how you’re feeling but hey we’re going to follow the safety procedures. We’re going to wear masks and gloves plus it’s going to be quick okay. You can even wait by the entrance.”

You nodded feeling a slightly better and walked over to your dresser to grab your small black purse. You opened it looking inside making sure your wallet, phone, and keys were in there. Timmy handed you your gloves and black cloth mask. You put them on and started walking with Timmy out of the apartment. You waited as Timmy made sure he locked the apartment correctly. As you guys walked to the elevator you felt very bizarre this didn’t feel like reality. New York was usually very noisy especially since you guys lived in the heart of Manhattan. You guys got in the elevator and what was usually a very crammed elevator now only had you two.

Timmy interrupted your thoughts. It seemed like he always knew when your thoughts were becoming dark and he knew he had to block them. “Hey on the bright side we don’t have the paparazzi to worry about.” He chuckled trying to make you feel calmer. You looked up at him seeing his beautiful green eyes looking at you so lovingly. You leaned onto his shoulder having your arm around his waist and small smile appearing onto your face.

The elevator opened and you walked out with him Timmy locking hands with you. It was a chilly day which was normal for the time of year. You walked to East Village Pizza which was a good hour from the apartment. As you guys you saw the empty sidewalks and roads a part of you felt some sort of peace since overcrowded places gave you anxiety but the other part of you felt unease this wasn’t the New York you had become accustomed to.

“You know a part of me is happy because I get to spend more time with you but I do miss working it’s a large part of my life you know me always wanting to work on something new. I just love to be able to get in the characters headspace and tell their stories.”

“No, I understand acting has become your life and I’m so proud of you because you’re doing what you love but hey look at the bright side we’re safe and so are our families. We’re really blessed not everyone is this lucky.”

“I know I’m grateful for everything but I’m just upset because I was talking with my team and they think it’s very likely that there won’t be premieres for the French dispatch or Dune since it would be a major safety matter. We’ll probably do an at home premiere like many movies have recently. Which sucks because I won’t be able to interact with the fans and let them know how much I appreciate them. I mean that’s probably the best part being able to share something I love to dearly and have poured my heart to with the people I love.”

“Cheer up babe nothing is set in stone hopefully you’ll get the premiere you deserve and get an Oscar nomination and win.” He laughed shaking his head

“That is if there even are the Oscars I mean they cancelled the Met Gala and you know how stoked I was for that.”

“I know but hopefully next year. A lot of people were upset about it apparently I was reading about it on twitter.”

The conversation came to a stop as Timmy opened the door to East Village Pizza. You waited by the door as Timmy went up to the counter.

“For Timothée Chalamet I ordered about an hour ago.”

“You ordered 2 cheese pizzas, cheesy garlic knots, an order of mozzarella sticks, and 12 wings?”

“Yes.” They handed him the order and he walked over to you he handed you the bag and he carried the 2 large boxes of pizzas.”

1 hour later

You had just finished setting everything up on the table and Timmy was grabbing 2 cups from the kitchen cabinet and a bottle of soda from the fridge.

“You know what if we go live on my Instagram and we can basically do a mukbang like the ones you’ve been watching lately.”

You gave him the biggest smile ever “That’s a good idea plus you basically promised you’d go live.” You sat down next to him and he was setting up his phone.

“Wait how do you work this I’ve never gone live.”

“Click the camera button on the top left corner and on the bottom, swipe left till you see the live button and then just click it.”

“Okay I think we’re live.”

“Now we just wait until people start joining. You grabbed the two cups and filled them up with soda, then passed Timmy his cup.”

Username1: Wow he actually is live

Username2: Wait what are you guys eating?

“Y/N and I just got back from buying pizza and of course we got cheesy garlic knots, mozzarella sticks and wings as well.” Just shot him a look “Well I got the wings for myself.”

Username3: Hiii loves how are you guys

“We’re doing pretty good overall. Y/N has been a little worried lately but I’ve been calming her down. It’s mainly because someone had the brilliant idea of watching contagion.”

“Hey it’s not my fault I honestly didn’t think it was going to be as intense as it was. But after that I got Timmy hooked onto my favorite show at the moment so everything worked out.”

Username4: What is it called?

“Umm can I tell them Timmy?”

“I mean you technically can but you should wait since we are going to be doing another podcast episode talking about shows and movies that we’re currently watching.”

“Okay then I’m sorry guys I guess you’ll have to wait but here’s a hint I’ve been obsessed with shows from Spain lately.”

Username5: I see you lil Timmy out here promoting your podcast lol 12

“Anyways we’re going to probably going to end this here so we can finish eating and start recording again because that’s all I’ve been able to think about. Bye see you guys very soon.”

“Bye loves.” You said blowing the kiss

Timmy pouted “That’s not fair I want a kiss.

He ended the live and you gave him a peck on the lips that’s all you get for now.

“You’re going to regret this later tonight just you wait.”

“Is that a threat Chalamet?”

“Maybe it is maybe it isn’t”

He went back into your room and started setting up the recording equipment.

You both sat down and started recording

“Hey guys we’re back, welcome back hope everyone is good.”

“We just finished eating pizza and let me tell you it was delicious.”

“It was good but Y/N cooking is way better honestly. Last night she cooked me some pasta with basil sauce and feta cheese. Then she baked some banana bread muffins so you know I’m being spoiled lately.”

“I would cook more but you know we’re always busy or you’re always out of town which actually leads us into our first question of the day and that is Username6: How do you guys deal with long distance. Timmy you want to start us off?”

“Of course, Firstly I think long distance sucks but it’s a thing some couples have to deal with. We’ve had to dealt with our fair share and we’re still not used to it. But as advice goes something that always has helped is FaceTime as often as possible. Also call each other one thing we always do is call each other on the phone and just sleep. It helps because for a split moment it feels like you’re in the same room. Another tip is just text each other for example I’ll be busy shooting a scene and Y/N will still be texting me all throughout her day keeping me updated and I’ll be able to see them and respond once I’m done.”

“Long distance sucks and it’s really hard because you’re so used to each other and honestly that’s why I try my best to always go with Timmy wherever he’s traveling to but if I can’t then we’ll always be facetiming. My advice is just know that it’s only temporary and this will only strengthen your relationship at the end of the day.”

Username7: What are you guys currently watching?

“Well Y/N got me into Money Heist recently we watch all 4 seasons in about a week. We also watched little fires everywhere which is really good if you haven’t watched it I recommend it heavily I mean I was hooked the entire time. We also watched outerbanks since that’s all everyone was talking about I won’t lie I did enjoy it”

“We also watched Hollywood by Ryan Murphy which is visually stunning and has a really good storyline and of course we rewatched the office because you know Timmy is basically the biggest fan ever. I also watched dead to me season 2 I mean I liked it but I don’t know it had a slow beginning and the last 2 episodes were packed and it ended on a cliffhanger so I’m curious about where that’s going to take season 3 to.”

“If you guys can’t tell all we’re doing lately is watching shows or movies.”

Username8: Do you guys think you’ll always live in New York?

“That’s a really difficult question to give a definite answer to. And something Timmy and I always discuss.”

“The reason it’s so hard is because New York is where my family is. It’s where I grew up and honestly yes it has its issues but I still love it here and wouldn’t mind raising a family here but Y/N has made some great points about why we should maybe try moving somewhere else. But honestly who knows I mean we can technically live anywhere but career wise its best if I stay in New York or Move to California.”

“So honestly time will only tell but I think I can say that for now we’re staying in New York.”

Username9: Y/N what is your favorite movie from Timothée so far?

“Hmm that’s really hard I love Luca’s work so call me by your name is up there.”

“Why do you love Luca’s work so much?”

“Well he’s insanely talented and all his films are beautifully shot but I respect him so much because you know I don’t like horror movies I never have but I Watched suspiria and I loved it. And only a few directors can make me actually love a horror movie I think only Luca and Ari Aster have made me love a horror movie.”

“Ari Aster is very talented I mean Midsømmar was mind blowing and Florence’s performance was outstanding. If you haven’t watch Midsømmar I highly recommend it but it is gruesome so if you can’t handle gore don’t watch it.”

“But getting back on track I think Beautiful Boy is my favorite movie. It’s highly upsetting to me that its very underrated plus I think you should have gotten an Oscar I mean your performance was outstanding.”

“Aw thank you Cherie.”

“So, if you haven’t watched beautiful boy go watch it.”

Username10: What is your favorite memory together?

“I think any memory that involves just being with you and being able to cuddle you. I really appreciate all the time we get to spend together. So, I really enjoy the little things it because that’s what love means for me. But if I had to choose a specific memory it would have to be when I surprised Y/N with pit tickets to see her favorite artist. She was freaking out the entire time jumping up and down kissing me. I mean it was the cutest thing ever it really warmed my heart. Why I love this memory so much was because Y/N had been wanting to see them live for so long and she’d always talk about it and when I finally surprised her she just couldn’t believe it. Then we went to the concert and it was our first one together. The night was incredible yes, we were recognized but everyone around us was respectful and we were all dancing our hearts out that night. I think that was probably one of the nights I really saw y/n let lose in public and only cared about having fun.”

“I love that memory so much but I think I have to say my favorite memory of us was when we went to France in December so it was Timmy, his parents, Pauline and I and we all traveled there the week before Christmas. But honestly that’s when I felt truly a part of your family. It was a truly special Christmas plus I got to see where you’d go to every summer. Then 2 days later it was Timmy’s birthday which we went to Paris for and had a truly romantic morning. He took me to this really cute café and we ate crêpes which I love. Then I took him back to his family’s home and that’s when we surprised him with a birthday party. But that France trip will always have a special place in my heart.”

“You know I’ve been getting a lot of questions about a certain interview that has been floating around I think you know which one.”

“The one where I don’t answer the question and become upset?”

“Yes, that one. A lot of people have just been asking about what happened and how I felt about the whole situation and it honestly it upset me because it was a really rude comment.”

“No, I understand and I just want to say is that yes I was upset at the time but now I’ve gotten over it since a lot of time has passed but it taught me to have thicker skin when it comes to interviews and just life in general.”

“and yes, have but you’re still my sweet soft boy.”

“Yes, obviously I’m not going to change and become a total asshole or distance myself completely and never do interviews again but instead I’m just learning to not become upset so easily when it comes to things like that.”

“I’m proud of you for being mature enough to use that experience as something to grow from instead of using it against the world.”

Username11: Do you have each other’s passcodes for each other’s phone?

“This is an interesting one I think we both have the same answer to this.”

“yes, we do but let elaborate honestly if I could I wouldn’t have a passcode to my phone I wouldn’t I used to just have Y/N’s fingerprints on my phone but now with my knew one its only face id so she just has my passcode. I trust her and I have nothing to hide. Plus, my phone is basically hers because when we’re out her phone is always dying and she just ends up using mine.”

“If only I could show you guys all the embarrassing and adorable pictures he has on his camera roll. I slowly release them on his birthday when I do a cute birthday post or just randomly but of course with Timmy’s permission.”

Username12: Is it necessary to know everything from your partner’s previous relationships?

“This is a really good question. Personally, I have shared everything about my pervious relationships with Y/N and so has she with me. I know not all couples want to do this but if you can you should because we may not accept the fact, that is previous relationships shape us so it’s helpful to know about them it gives you a new perspective and lets you understand each other better.”

“I agree with Timmy completely, it’s helped me knowing about his previous relationships because I know why he does certain things and I’m able to understand better instead of becoming upset. I think it’s a key factor to having a healthy relationship. Which I got a lot of questions about how do you have a good healthy relationship and how do you settle disagreements questions within that realm.”

“Well for us we’re always honest with each other I know that’s so cliché but honesty is everything. A thing we love to do is lay in bed at night with all the lights off and just lay with each other and talk. This is the time when a lot of our deep conversations happen we talk about basically everything and also I feel like it’s a lot easier to open up I don’t know if it’s because late at night or if it’s because its dark and the environment is just so serene.”

“That’s a goof point I think all relationships should have a time to just be able to talk their hearts out with no distractions, because no one wants to be vulnerable and pouring their heart out to their lover and just look over and see them distracted on their phone. Who knows if that’s why relationships nowadays are failing. Maybe because everyone is so public and on their phones all the time and aren’t able to communicate and fully focus on each other.”

“I know I’ve said this before I think I tweeted about it a while ago but read The Shallows by Nicholas Carr it’s a really great read and it’s all about what technology is doing to our brains. But I should also put this out because I don’t want any misunderstandings. I’m not saying never use your phones or social media you can do that who am I to tell you that you can’t All I’m saying is have when you’re having deep personal conversations fully give your full attention don’t be an asshole on your phone and just saying mhmm. You wouldn’t like that so don’t do that to other people.”

Username13: When you first moved in together did you discover something about each other you didn’t know prior?

“I don’t think I did but you have to keep in mind we were basically always with each other. I’d always be sleeping over at Timmy’s place or he’d be at my place. There would be times when I’d sleep over for weeks plus we’d always be traveling together. So, it always felt like we lived together and now it’s just official.”

“Yeah no I think I know everything about Y/N when you know a person for so long you just get to know them so well plus we don’t even have boundaries anymore we’re so used to each other. At first Y/N was super shy around me but now she isn’t. But I think that’s it for today’s episode thanks for giving us a listen. We’re pretty tired due to the lack of sleep we’ve been getting.”

“Bye guys. Much love going your way.”

You turned off the mic and helped Timmy put everything away.

“That was great I’ve really been enjoying sharing more about my life.”

“I told you but you never listened to me.”

You both laid in bed cuddling each other. Timmy kissing your neck leaving love bites behind, getting on top of you. You start kissing his lips biting his bottom lip softly. He starts taking his clothes off only leaving his boxers on. You could see his erection through the thin white fabric of his boxers. You get up taking off your hoodie and leggings only leaving on your bralette and panties. You wrapped your legs around his waist continuing to kiss him, he lowered his hand taking off your panties slowly starting to finger you. You let out a soft moan

“You’re so wet for me.”

You stared at him moaning seeing the lust in his eyes quickly taking off your bralette. Passionately he kissed you bringing his other hand to tenderly grabbing her breasts he started kissing down from her lips to her neck down to you breasts looking up at you. Your hand went down pulling his boxers down throwing them across the room. You slowly started to stroke his cock as you continued kissing him.

“I want to suck you.” you said pushing him off you gently making him lay on the bed his back resting against the headboard. You sat on top of his legs going down to his cock teasing him making him moan. You started sucking his tip grabbing the bottom of his shaft as you slowly sucked more of his cock. You took him out of your mouth seeing the hickies on his lower stomach fading away you start kissing there closing your eyes enjoying the sensation that he is yours and only yours. He looks down at you “Come up here beautiful I want to kiss you.”

You get up laying on his chest caressing him admiring his pale freckled body.

“I love you.”

He got on top of you and pushed his cock into your pussy slowly thrusting into to you. Kissing your soft lips comforting you as he thrusted harder. You moaned loudly having your arms warped around his neck moaning into his ear. You thrusted your hips towards him becoming desperate wanting to cum.

“Greedy aren’t we.” He became rougher with you. He wasn’t so gentle and soft as he seemed. You started to cum making you moan loudly and unable to stay still as you came Timmy continued thrusting into you cumming as well. He kissed your forehead as he took his cock out.

“Come on baby lets go shower.” He grabbed you caring you to the bathroom placing you on the counter. You admired his naked body as he turned on the shower, he got in making sure the water was warm “Okay it’s ready you can come in.” you got off the counter walking in the spacious marble shower. He grabbed your shampoo pouring some onto his hands and slowly massaging it into hair. You felt the water on your skin as you were under the shower head washing off the shampoo while Timmy started putting shampoo onto his hair as well you finished washing your hair and Timmy got under the shower head washing his hair. You wrapped your hands around him hugging him as he washed his hair. He finished washing his hair and you both continued to wash your bodies. The scent of the vanilla and coffee body wash as he scrubbed his back you got more of the body wash rubbing it onto his back. He later did the same evening rubbing the inside of your thighs. Once you were both clean you turned off the shower Timmy walking out grabbing his robe and putting it on then passing your matching robe.

You walked to the sink started to brush your teeth you could hear Timmy in the room being clumsy trying to find his boxers and pajamas bottoms. You walked back to the room grabbing your hairbrush looking over at Timmy

“Can you brush my hair and braid it again please.”

He motioned his hand to the bed you sat on the edge facing your back towards him. He started brushing your hair making sure there weren’t any knots. He then did 2 braids like the ones he’d always do. He kissed the top of your head “Okay all done now get dressed while I go brush my teeth and face.”

You got up the bed looking at him as he walked towards the bathroom door admiring him seeing his wet loose curls bounce. You walked to the closet grabbing a black silk dress and black panties. Once you got dressed you turned off all the lights in the room and laid in bed waiting for Timmy. He came back into the room jumping onto the bed laying down.

“Careful Chalamet you’re going to make me fall of the bed.” he started laughing “It wouldn’t be the first time, would it?” you rolled your eyes a playfully hit his shoulder. He grabbed the controller turning off the tv and putting the controller on his bedside table. Moving over to you space cuddling you “I’m tired.” You turned to your side facing him placing your head onto his chest.

“Okay babe lets sleep.” He kissed your forehead and slowly started falling asleep snoring softly. You were fell asleep in his not being bothered by his snoring, as you were used to it after years of sleeping with him.

A/N: Hello hope you loved it let me know if you want a part 3 or anything else. bye for now stay safe 💕

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