#anyway that was a traumatizing episode goodbye

[cyaneyedcl]

no show has ever made me punch my bed and walls so many times as miraculous ladybug has, this shit is FRUSTRATING

[cure-icy-writes]

It’s been two years and I am STILL mad at the ending of Wonder Egg Priority. Maybe enough to brainstorm a better ending for them.

-Starting with episode 10, Kaoru’s trauma is shown in much less graphic detail. Rather than outright assault, his trauma consisted of realizing that a trusted mentor just viewed him as Girl Lite after he made that person his only support system, and his mentor's romantic/sexual intentions towards him aren't made explicit. It tones down the graphic abuse, while also creating a character foil to Momoe, who feels like girls see her as Boy Lite and constrain her to their fantasies and gender roles. Momoe is more explicitly trans, and the episode makes a point that Acca and Ura-acca don’t actually know shit. Kaoru’s suicide wasn’t a “feminine” one, it just got lumped in with the rest because he wasn’t openly out and was buried under his deadname.

-the friends that frill created, rather than. You know. Brutally murdering and traumatizing anyone? They just show up as vaguely unsettling messengers who aren’t supposed to be there. And they start asking pointed questions. Why was Kaoru in the egg? Can the suicides of boys and girls really be separated so easily? Momoe is a gnc trans girl. She experiences gender differently than her cis friends. And the experience leaves her shaken in her faith of the Accas. She’s completed the game, but it’s bittersweet. She has closure, but the dead cannot truly be brought back to life. All that can be done is to create a parallel world, another chance for them to live in, and to say goodbye.

-Rika completes her game, and gets to say she’s sorry. She realizes that eating food in public without being mocked? That’s basically thin privilege. Her arc ends with her asking her mom to make her some comfort food. Frill’s friend asks why, exactly, Rika said what she did, abused her position of power. We see her manager, a grown ass adult man, and the silhouette of her father.

-Neiru isn’t a robot AI because that makes no fucking sense. Instead, she parallels Frill, as a “created girl” who was born to fulfill expectations. It’s revealed that her sister stabbed her and committed suicide because the expectations made her snap, because she wanted to destroy the image of the “perfect girl” as a final act of spite. She apologizes to Neiru, for not seeing her as a person but a tool.

-Ai completes her game, and gets closure with Koito— their friendship was kind of fucked up and gay in the way that repressed thirteen year old girls with codependence issues tend to be, and they actually talk about that. Koito reveals that their teacher strung her along, pushed them apart, and she committed suicide because of the guilt that she’d been complicit in Ai’s grooming.

-Ai tells her mom that she doesn’t feel safe around her teacher. Her mom believes her, and Momoe slowly comes to terms with the realization that she’s been putting her uncle on a pedestal because he was supportive of her transition, but she needs to believe her fellow women. The dude doesn’t go to jail but there’s a marked difference in how the girls talk about him.

-Frill and Himari get to take back their narratives. Frill is literally just a baby created by misogynists, and she decides to crawl out of the basement fridge and tell her dads “yeah I didn’t kill your daughter. She realized that she was just a replacement, that you people saw a daughter as a replaceable toy to make for fun, and she couldn’t take it. Anyways have a nice life lol” and chops off her hair, leaving it in a pile on their doorstep.

-The series ends with the girls taking control of the magical egg gacha— something thematic about girls supporting girls and taking back control from the institutions run by men who exploit their pain and grief for money. There’s a timeskip where Ai graduates school and starts working from home, Momoe gets gayer and starts building up a transgender support network, Rika moves away from home into her own apartment and starts rebuilding her fraught relationship with her mother, and Neiru is shown running the egg gacha for free, and with explicit warnings to the girls who come looking for closure.

-The temptation of death is posited as a human urge, something that exists at rock bottom, but one that teenage girls are especially vulnerable to in a society that will take advantage of them. And warriors of Eros? Those are the ones who choose love. Ai.

anyways. I think that ties up all the character arcs and plot threads? It would be nice if canon had given us this but ah well. I can dream

[xjustonemoremiraclex]

Ok, final thoughts on Junji Ito Maniac

It was... fine. Better than the Junji Ito Collection, for sure, though I'd argue the creepy scenes looked... well, creepier there lol Let's be honest, I think it's clear by now it's impossible to recreate Ito's artstyle, it just works a lot better on paper.

The one thing that annoyed me though is how they just... decided to stop some of the stories short? Like, I get some changes need to be made, but it almost seems like they looked at some of the stories and went 'pff who needs these last couple of pages? just throw them out'. So weird.

Anyway, some general (relatively spoiler-free) thoughts on each episode that no one cares about:

‘The Strange Hikizuri Siblings’: love how they started with some dark humor (for some definition of the word humor) to lead you into a false sense of security.

‘The Story of the Mysterious Tunnel’: meh, the original was better

‘Ice Cream Bus’: The ending fucked me up <3

‘Hanging Balloon’: a fascinating mixture of "this is so dumb" and "wait why is this also terrifying 😭", love the non-linear storytelling

‘Four x Four Walls’: another one that's more darkly humorous, it made me feel so claustrophobic jfc

‘The Sandman’s Lair’: oh look, another one that fucked me up <3

‘Intruder’: I find this one weirdly fascinating, kinda would love to know more about wtf actually happened

‘Long Hair in the Attic’: the one that made me regret watching this show, I am officially traumatized <3

‘Mold’: you could not pay me to stay in that fucking house, goodBYE sir

‘Library Vision’: again, not a super fan of the changes, but it's still pretty good. And creepy.

‘Tomb Town’: I really like this one for some reason, but the animation in that scene at the well was... questionable. And the original ending is MUCH better (imo)

‘Layers of Terror’: Oh, my mistake. NOW I'm traumatized for life <3 fuck this show why did I start watching this 😭

‘The Thing that Drifted Ashore’: my least favourite, by far. And I'm sorry, but it looked... bad. Like, really bad 😕

‘Tomie – Photo’: also titled 'the girl who can't stop making terrible decisions' jeez

‘Unendurable Labyrinth’: meh

‘The Bully’: I also really like this one and it's also disturbing as all hell <3

‘Alley’: karma is a bitch huh

‘Headless Statue’: girl for the love of god why tf would you follow his shady ass and why would you not jump out of the nearest window when given the chance 😭

‘Whispering Woman’: another one I really like, and I find it weirdly nice in a super disturbing way lol

‘Soichi’s Beloved Pet’: we stan a guy who's super passionate about animals, we don't stan a guy who fucks up a perfectly good kitty 😭

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s4 ep12: Mortal Coil

The one where Neelix has an existential crisis - which I guess dying and being brought back to life will do to you, but this one went into some pretty dark territory, and it felt too easily wrapped up for how deep into his downward spiral Neelix was by the end. (Trigger warning for discussion of suicide:)

It starts off with Neelix being his usual cheerful self in the mess hall, and then helping to tuck in little Naomi Wildman with a bedtime story about the Talaxian version of heaven- a great forest where all their loved ones watch over them, and wait to reunite with them when they die. This becomes relevant later, because Neelix, while on an away mission to a nebula to collect some energy samples, is struck by an energy bolt, and is killed.

They bring him back to the ship, and the crew resigns themselves to the fact that he's truly dead, until Seven of Nine comes in and says, 'I can revive him, I'm Borg' even though he's already been dead for 18 hours. (Which seems like a long time to wait before even telling anyone he died.) Seven uses her Borg nanoprobes to revive him, and he comes back to life with no memory of what happened.

All of which raises the question of why Seven doesn't revive every crewmember who dies from here on out- if it's that easy, and Borg can revive anyone for up to 72 hours, nobody should be staying dead after she comes aboard, but they seem to forget about her magical life-restoring powers after this. It's a major inconsistency that made this storyline feel like they were just lazily waving a magic wand, and I wish they would have come up some other way to revive him than conveniently all-powerful Borg technology.

But anyway, Neelix has a major crisis of faith when he learns that he died, and he didn't see the great forest and all of his loved ones. He's understandably shaken when he sees a holograpic simulation of himself getting killed (geez Chakotay, insensitive much to let Neelix to watch that?!) but Chakotay is sympathetic and tries to convince Neelix not to jump to conclusions and abandon his faith.

Chakotay helps Neelix go on a vision quest to find some answers (the items Neelix chooses to aid his vision quest include a flower from Kes's garden, which hits right in the feels) but it seems more like a bad trip when everyone in his vision tells him life is meaningless because there's no afterlife, and he should kill himself.

So, despite Chakotay telling Neelix to take time to sit with and interpret what he saw, (and maybe suggest that he simply doesn't remember going to the great forest after he died?? That seems the most logical conclusion, especially when he doesn't remember dying, but somehow nobody thinks of that??) Neelix spirals downward into despondency, and covers up the fact that he's literally planning to kill himself from the crew. He writes notes, says goodbyes, and makes an actual plan to kill himself by beaming himself into the nebula, which he even attempts to execute. The computer alerts the bridge to what he's doing, and they manage to stop the transport, but Neelix has a back up site to site transport set up. Chakotay gets to the tranporter room to talk him down before he can use it, and Ensign Wildman comes in to ask him to tell Naomi a story again because she can't sleep. Wildman is totally unaware of what's going on with Neelix, and Neelix's shame at having her find out, as well as his guilt over leaving little Naomi without an explanation, are what finally convince him not to do it.

It's an incredibly dark and heavy storyline to have a main character spiral into depression so deep it leads them to a suicide attempt, and it feels too big to be resolved in one episode. It's not unusual for traumatic things to happen to characters in one episode, only for it never to be mentioned again, in episodic television, but something like losing your belief in your entire worldview and your will to live, and actively attempting suicide, is just too big to never be addressed further. Unlike most perilous situations that Star Trek characters find themselves in, depression and suicide are very real, and something many people watching have had touch their lives. From what I've seen with people in my life who have experienced it, recovery is a long, continuing process, that can take years, and lots of therapy, and sometimes medication. Since they weren't invested in continuing that story, I feel like they probably shouldn't have gone there at all. While it may well have been trying in earnest, this episode felt like it was handwaving away some very serious subject matter. (And though trigger warnings weren't a thing back when this ep was made, I feel like it should probably have one when it's aired now.)

Tl;dr: A very sad and heavy episode that ultimately didn't feel like it resolved the issues it plunged Neelix into, and so felt unsatisfying in the end.

[winter-seance]

I'm still processing the Doctor Who specials but I really, really liked them.

This is coming from someone who dropped off watching Doctor Who in like 2012-13, after trying for a couple of years to keep watching after David Tennant left as 10. I tried really hard to stay interested, but between Russell T Davies leaving, Tennant leaving, and all his former companions leaving, it just felt too different. Like, when Christopher Eccleston left, I was sad, but because Rose, Mickey, and her mother were all still there, it helped to have that continuity. I always wished there had been more continuity between the 10th and 11th doctors, I think that would have helped with the transition and kept me more invested.

But anyway. I hadn't watched Doctor Who since the 50th anniversary episode 10 years ago. I watched the new specials because I'm a fan of DT (obviously) and RTD, and I feel so excited to watch it again and get back into it. Last week I had been feeling very apprehensive about getting another traumatic regeneration scene, because I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Tennant's doctor again, but with the way it went, I am so okay with it. He still gets time, even if we won't see him on screen. And because it wasn't heartbreaking, it's renewed my enthusiasm and has made me excited to see what is coming next, and to actually watch the new episodes with the 15th doctor. I did see some people on reddit worried the bi-generation would "cheapen" Ncuti's arrival, but for me personally, I think it's only made me more interested to keep watching.

[constelationprize]

hi! i’d love if you’d answer a, u, and o for the ask game

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

I am currently in Rhaenicent brainrot lockdown. (someone posted a full edit of them to the full 3:39 minutes of Good Luck Babe to YouTube and I'm being very mentally well about it). My beloved doomed yuri. I cannot wait until Alicent has to (redacted) (redacted) (redacted) Rhaenyra and then be miserable about it the rest of her life. I don't care if she's not on Dragonstone in the books life will find a way.

HOWEVER I have also been enjoying the armandaniel/Devil's Minion content we have gotten from the IWTV fandom post-finale. They are horrible. I do nothing but look at memes about them all day.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

Instead of choosing I will just shuffle my downloaded songs and report back to you.

I got An Act of Kindness by Bastille and I'm gonna assign that to jeanee :)

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

This one is fun because I instantly forgot every media I've ever consumed.

So, uh.

Luke Castellan, Percy Jackson and the Olympians – Baby's first morally grey character. I just find him so fascinating as a foil to Percy and as a villain in and off himself. Unfortunately he is struck by the curse of being part of a middle grade franchise and so people often engage with his character in a very black-and-white way, and I hate how people use a single, ambiguous line in his literal last scene to moralize about him. ANYWAY. He did in fact do all that shit but he was Literally Right. So.

Adam Parrish, The Raven Cycle – he's truly the perfect character. He's a liar. He's traumatized. He refuses to accept help and be perceived and so tries to do everything himself, always resulting in making things 100% worse. Most of his problems could be solved by open communication and polyamory, and he refuses to do either. He's a real magician that does fake card readings for money. He does absolutely everything wrong and still manages to get everything he wants. He got rid of one of the villains by framing him for murder. He fully killed a guy. He's even bisexual. What's not to love?

Mallory Glass aka Sister Carpenter, The Silt Verses – Maybe my favorite podcast protagonist of all time. Attack dog of the faith. She's jaded and cynical and still gets emotionally attached to almost everyone she meets. The only thing she wants in life is a peaceful retirement from making horrible human sacrifices and two separate gods refuse to let her. We listen as she gets more and more tired of the world around her and the path the marginalization of her youth led her to take, and is still forced to keep going. Owner of the iconic line "Tell me more about your god, I wanna know whose house I wrecked", a batshit moment in a batshit episode that's been in my main blog bio for two years. I'm not ready to say goodbye to her this Thursday :(

[thousand-winters]

For the toh asks, 3, 6, 7, 12!!

Hey there 💕

3. Favorite episode? Why? Ramble as much as you'd like.

Man, this one's really hard because TOH has SUCH good episodes, but I'm going to have to go with what I believe is ultimately the popular answer and say Hollow Mind.

It's just so well done, it's been said again and again but the way they make the reveal of past foreshadowing (Belos being Philip Wittebane, Hunter being a grimwalker) is SO good. Even if you knew or strongly suspected, the way they do it makes it so the impact is perfect, both on the plot going forward and the emotional impact it has on the characters as well (like even if Luz doesn't immediately crumble like Hunter does, you can tell it gets to her and it starts building up overtime until it gets to her being full of guilt and straight up suicidal which... uh oh).

The way they make use of established lore with the mindscape, the foreshadowing and more lore we get for the future (wooo for Wittebanes lore but rip for Flapjack) is just so damn cool. Even while filled with dread while watching, the episode is just so engaging to watch that you can get pretty much focused on it during rewatches as well.

Plus, when it comes to more self-indulgent feelings, Hunter finally getting out from the castle and away from Belos + the papa wold Dadrius moment are just too good for me not to enjoy it. Oh! And on that note, Hunter straight up having a panic attack when they got out of the mindscape also was 10/10 for me, because I'm just not used to media addressing how traumatizing some situations can be for the characters, ngl, I was SO happy to see it and even happier when it continued in Labyrinth Runners, as weird as it sounds.

6. A character you didn't expect to love? What made you start liking them?

Not in a dislike sense at all, but definitely Darius lmao.

I vaguely remember seeing him for the first time and thinking "oh, he's so fun, he has such a cool design as well, and his voice is pretty, it's a shame he's a villain. Anyway-" and just continuing being invested in the Raeda disaster happening right there.

Truly I also found his abomination transformation the coolest thing I've ever seen, but in my mind it was like "we're surely not seeing much of him, oh, well" (which is sadly true, but not in the way I thought), so with such an "unimportant" character, there was no way for me to get invested or love him, right?

WRONG. Dadrius attack.

Listen. Listen. I liked him as a character but not so much as a person, I suppose, though again I never hated him because there was just so little of him for that to happen. But then Any Sport in a Storm happened and watching him doing the Head Chop™️ to Hunter was like "god, I hope this doesn't awaken anything in me".

I think from that moment I started toying with the possibility of him adopting Hunter because I was desperate so it was half joking, half serious and as such, I started thinking more about him as well, which eventually ended up with me and my thousand headcanons and theories about him, his backstory and such. As it happens when you're a Darius fan, it's rough out here.

7. Has the show ever made you cry? What scene(s)?

I cry. so much.

So TOH absolutely got to me. I think the first scene that got to me was the one that gets to everyone, Eda thanking Luz for being in her life and telling her goodbye before transforming into the Owl Beast.

And then you know, Season 2 is life ruining /lh.

So I cried in Separate Tides in the same part Luz wants to cry lmao, I cried in Eda's Requiem, I cried in Reaching Out, I cried in O Titan, I cried in King's Tide.

Shoutout to me crying also at Hunter talking about being unable to trust himself in Labyrinth Runners, and I still can't watch Keeping Up A-fear-ances without crying, that one's hitting a little too close to home for comfort, frankly lmao.

I think the rest is also very predictable, Thanks to Them when Flapjack died, For the Future during Camila and Luz's conversation and Watching and Dreaming when Luz dies and pretty much the whole scene with the Owl Trio fighting together, plus the ending. Like I said, I cry a lot.

12. What do you consider the most memorable scene? Why?

Another hard one.

Objectively speaking, I feel like there are two super memorable scenes: The repetition of Luz's speech about "I'm the good witch!" through the show and the way it gets recontextualized each time, from it being just kinda silly and about her using it as escapism a little bit, to her using it to reclaim her belonging to the two worlds she chose for herself and her identity as part of them with all the people she loves.

I would call that one probably the most memorable one. I think the other that everyone remembers, which is why I would say it's memorable as well, is Eda telling Luz the whole thing about how everyone was to be chosen, but if one just waited for that, they'd die waiting, that you have to choose yourself. Even more memorable since it came back during Watching and Dreaming.

Personally, definitely less sweet and less overall plot important, but a scene that haunts me forever and ever is the palisman souls in Belos' Mind finally reaching Luz and Hunter and the reveal that they're palisman souls in the first place: It's so damn chilling when they start talking with the whole "danger! get away from him! run!". Just... holy shit. Okay, that makes me one to cry too, we have established I'm a crybaby ajsfjsdg

I'm just... the amount of compassion for them to be suffering like that and to go "this happened to us, he killed us, please, get away, we don't want him to kill you too, we don't want you to suffer too", especially considering that Hunter had accidentally contributed in some of those deaths. I'm gonna go cry some more, actually, bye asfhsdg

Thanks for the questions 💗

From this ask meme

[aspiring-creative-person]

A little into season 2 of DS9 and I’m obsessed. I haven’t yet met a main character I didn’t like. And there’s so many great ships and friendships and rivalries??

(Long post just me rambling about each main character)

Ok first we have Quark. I hated the Ferengi until this show, and now I love them so much. He is a little menace, but he has really smart moments and he’s just such a fun character?!?

Odo! He is so sad and such a little squishy, he needs friends. I immediately shipped him and Quark, because they’re just?? So shippable?? Enemies to lovers anyone?? Of course they do actually like each other deep down 😄

Julian Bashir, British, Doctor, and playboy. In that respect he is the new Kirk, the new Riker. He’s got an ego but a charming grin and just?? Lol so silly. And he has his moments where he takes charge and it’s like 😳

People ship him with Garak, I’ve only seen like 2 episodes with him so far but he is a delight. He’s so goofy. No he won’t tell you his theories and plans. You gotta think for yourself. What does that smirk mean?? Just a humble tailor, plain simple Garak my a—

Jadzia Dax???? Love her. So adorable. Just smiling to herself when she thinks of her past. Telling stories. Has 7? 8? Lifetimes to think about and draw from. Finds simple delights in the world. Makes friends with everyone. Just such a sweet person.

Miles O’Brian. Workaholic. Pride in his work, likes to feel useful. Has a family, protective over them and would do anything for them. I haven’t actually gotten to know him super well so I don’t have a lot to say.

Keiko O’Brian, also wants to feel useful. She notices what needs to be done and steps up to do it. Not only is this a functional thing that makes sense in the world and context, but it gives her as a character and as a person, purpose.

(Also their marriage in general is very sweet.)

Miles and Julien’s rivalry, and from what I can tell eventual really close friendship but I haven’t gotten to that point yet. I can tell I will be obsessed with it later though.

Kira!! Traumatized, angry, and deeply caring. She wants to help as many people as she can, and she wants to protect people. She grows so much as a person even in the first season and a half?? Yes combative but she has good reasons, and she really does grow to respect people even when they have more authority and disagree.

Kira and Jadzia Dax are such cute friends?? They just gossip and chatter as they do their lighter work, and it’s just so cute?? But also Jadzia isn’t afraid to call out Kira when she needs it. They are literally best friends and also very shippable. I love them.

Kira and Odo is a fun friendship I didn’t expect right away?? They respect the hell out of each other and care about each other very much and it’s just?? So sweet?? And Odo being very uptight and Kira being combative and for her people but also through systems, they have fairly compatible world views? It actually makes sense lol.

Sisko of course!! The commander? Not Captain.. forgot what his title is lol. Anyway, just a dude who loves baseball. And his son. Does his best to be a father. You can tell how much he cares about his son. Respects people who disagree with him. Just wants the best for Bajor and the federation. Does a lot of delicate work.

Sisko and Dax being old-time friends, and him calling Jadzia an old man will never get old to me. So silly haha. Endless potential here.

Jake is Sisko’s son, and he’s just your average teenage boy. Wants to make his father proud, likes pretty girls, has a troublemaker friend…

And Nog, of course, child Ferengi and Human forming an unlikely friendship. A very fun duo.

That’s all I can think of for now, I think all the main characters and most of the pair combos.

I feel like Quark and Garak would get along. Tailor and someone in touch with their fashion? Yes.

Also spoilers for the beginning of season 2…

When Kira was gonna leave and then people just kept walking in to say goodbye or comfort her or try to get her to stay… just 🥲🥲 literally so sweet. Especially Odo!! I didn’t realize how close those two were until that moment, and they do explode that later as well. Just!!!!

I love this series. I think it is my favorite Star Trek show so far (I’m watching them in release order).

I feel like a lot of people like TNG more than DS9? But honestly there are so many iconic duos in DS9 and there kind of aren’t in TNG (except for Data and Geordi, and Picard and Q).

[marley-manson]

Finally rewatched GFA and lmao I wildly overestimated how much screen time was dedicated to BJ and Hawkeye’s relationship, oops. I think it’s bc 90% of what they did get was dysfunctional, and they got the Final Goodbye of Greatest Emotional Importance, so it stuck out in my mind.

This time around I still loved Hawkeye’s plot for the most part. Had my take that once he remembers he’s fine talking about it confirmed with the casual way he asks if it’s couch time when Sidney approaches during his letter-writing, as well as him bringing it up later on multiple times, jokingly and not jokingly with Sidney. His reluctance to talk about the bus and his deflection was clearly intended to be a major Something’s Really Wrong Here signal, satisfyingly righted after the revelation with his more casual, in-character willingness to admit to and talk about his mental breakdown.

I am not a huge fan of Sidney’s method of throwing people back into the traumatic war zone asap lmao, I actually misremembered that as the army’s doing, but nope it’s Sidney. I know that’s the psychological theory they’re working with so I take it in the spirit intended, but thematically it kinda sucks and uhhhhh Hawkeye quits surgery anyway so they failed to make it seem successful even if he did operate a few times first.

BJ really is a mess of a character lol, I honestly have no idea what they were doing with him in the finale other than scrambling to find something for him to do, and like half of what he does is let Hawkeye down one last time. Also the reason BJ didn’t leave a note is because he chose to be pressed for time so he could land in San Francisco instead of Seattle, which was Klinger’s first suggestion for his travel itinerary. Plus his refusal to say goodbye functionally states the reason he didn’t leave a note, ie his emotional constipation, which is a very pointed flaw in this episode especially so I don’t think having more time would’ve made a difference.

Also relatedly BJ’s “I just thought there might be something we wanted to say to each other” came across even worse this time around because Hawkeye’s “Look, I know how tough it is for you to say goodbye, so I’ll say it,” calls back to it. It really genuinely was BJ demonstrating his inability to emotionally connect with Hawkeye without Hawkeye doing it first and wanting Hawkeye to read his mind and offer a heartfelt outpouring of emotion without knowing he’s leaving and while in a cell in a mental hospital and right after BJ, who should have more sense than to talk about babies in front of him since he was purportedly on that bus too, triggered him. Evil evil scene for BJ. Also probably my favourite scene in the ep, because I love Hawkeye’s rant so much.

“Would you hold me in your arms or would you let me lie there and bleed?” still works as a commentary on their whole dynamic, but lmao it really does come completely out of left field in the scene itself, Hawkeye went from 0 to 100 in like 2 seconds. It makes sense as an extension of the way BJ left the hospital and then left without a note too, as Hawkeye expressing how he feels about that after stewing for a while, but yeah the actual scene still made me go ‘well that escalated quickly.’ And BJ’s “you don’t even have a cold” response, just totally and probably willfully missing the point, gj guy.

BJ getting drunk and joking about running off with someone during the goodbye party is a bizarre choice lol, and I can see why people want to take it as an oblique confession re Hawkeye because at least it’s meaningful that way and not just making BJ’s scene there a dumb awkward joke. The other way it’s meaningful is if it’s a Sign of BJ’s impending domestic doom ofc, though I’m on the fence about intent there.

Hawkeye’s “I can’t say I loved you all either... but I loved as many of you as I could,” is such a good Hawkeye summation lol, in the jokey, flirty way intended, in the non-gendered way that’s probably unintended, and in a true-on-a-deeper-level way too.

Soon Lee was disappointing honestly. I thought she might have more personality here than in the last ep, but nah. The only moment she had where she showed any kind of personality was her line about wanting to see Klinger in a dress. That was a great joke though lol. I’m curious what she’s like in AfterMASH, but not enough to watch any of it. I do love Klinger staying in Korea for the irony, and I LOVE that it really is the same wedding dress from season 3.

Charles and Margaret were more entertaining than I remembered, I really enjoyed them rehashing old arguments here. I totally forgot that Margaret mentioned wanting to work in a stateside hospital at the very start of the episode before getting all the letters from her father. Definitely doubling down on my belief that she’s not retiring from the military at all, but rather just working at a military hospital. Love her speech to the nurses best.

Mixed feelings on the Charles and musicians plot. It’s fitting, but perhaps not solely in the way intended lol, in that it’s always always always Charles finding sympathy and attachment to someone only after they appeal to one of his pet interests or the sympathies he already has. He really doesn’t change that much - he gets friendlier with some of the other characters, and he reveals more complex and endearing sides of himself, but he doesn’t really grow lol, and once you notice that he only ever starts to care after he projects his interests on someone those moments get a little less endearing. I think he’s still a fantastically written, fun, and genuinely pretty interesting character, but he never quite achieves likeability on a personal level. But hey, maybe that is intended.

Mulcahy’s plot was honestly a little annoying lol, like, dude you made it worse by refusing medical help and keeping it a secret for the sake of like... one more week with the orphans? I do think it was appropriate that he managed to keep his hearing loss hidden though, because it mirrors the way he tended to miss jokes and references throughout the show, and I dig that angle. Also I love his little crisis of faith and the implication that there is no greater purpose or reason, shit just happens in a war zone.

What else... idk lightning round:

- loved everyone cheering for Hawkeye after he drives the tank to the garbage heap except everyone who was in the OR with him who are all concerned.

- also loved Hawkeye driving a tank into a garbage pile just as a piece of symbolism

- love everyone going back to work after peace is declared, that just sums up the show right there, perfect note

- still fucking hate that salute for Potter. it’s fitting, I understand why it’s there, it’s the most appropriate goodbye for Potter, I still hate it.

- that said I do love the like, 20 minutes worth of goodbyes lol. it honestly worked great, pacing, order, each individual exchange, the goodbye party speeches, all pretty damn solid.

- I did not remember that BJ got that motorcycle bc he just took it when the Chinese musicians surrendered lmao. love him driving Hawkeye up to the helicopter pad in it though as a call back to Yalu Brick Road and Blood and Guts w/ Hawkeye acquiescing for once.

- I think it was a mistake to include the forest fire. I know it happened irl, hence why they incorporated it, but like it adds absolutely nothing but an awkward continuity error where it switches from night to afternoon even though they should’ve been bugging out before that, and a melancholy moment where Potter looks at the burned up support poles, which sucks because that’s not a fond home for them. Like come on, if the 4077 burned down in season 3 the MCs would’ve roasted hot dogs over the coals. Also the military march verson of the theme playing during the bug out scene... yeesh.

- but yeah overall solid finale, pretty much what you need after 11 seasons, gj everyone.

[salvatoreren]

I finally watched AOT's last episode and frankly, I am not okay, I have been sobbing a river oh my fucking god.

Anyways, it was really good, as expected of MAPPA anyway, I was pretty much crying the whole episode actually.

I have complaints, mostly because of the not included anime, little things like not having the flashbacks of Armin of reading a book in the rain, the squirrels etc. etc. I would have love to see them in the market and the way to the boy who sought freedom, goodbye was not implemented, I WAS WAITING FOR THAT COME ON

The anime only scenes were good too, like Levi giving food to the refugees, falco and gabi, i wish we saw their outfits tho, they slayed with that one.

the way they played 13 no fuyu, im killing myself, ive been listening to that shit since 2022 which mind you was when i was active once more in aot, the fucking flashbacks my god, that was so tragic RAHHH

i also saw aot's op, EREN WITH A BOW? EREN WITH A BOW!!! MIND YOU I JUST FINISHED WATCHING THE HUNGER GAMES SO IMMEDIATELY IM LIKE YES YES IT'S GIVING KATNISS EVERDEEN, WITH WHAT HIM BEING HUMANITY'S HOPE, ESP WITH THE FIRE COMING OUT OF IT FORMING A BIRD

THE SAME BIRD WE SAW ON S4 ENDING 1, oh my god, the opening was really cool omg, it perfectly showcased eren's journey, what he went through, despite being absent in the final chapters, it still showed Eren was still the protagonist...Which isayama did not understand when he made 139

Yes, I am bitter still with the ending, no, I am not hearing anyone out and no, I am not going to pour my disappointments with it STILL, here because yeah.

It's such a shame that's the last and final time we'll ever see it, devastating tragedy omg.

ARMIN AND EREN'S FINAL INTERACTION, IM GLAD THEY MADE THEM HOLD HANDS, THANK YOU MAPPA, PLS THE WAY THEY'LL BE TOGETHER FOREVER AND WILL BE WAITING FOR EACH OTHER IN HELL, GAGGED, IM DEAD, MY ROMAN EMPIRE FOR REAL

Now that's out of the way.

It's been a long and fun ride, regardless, the final season has been going for what three years, i've been with this series for three years, it was fun really it was, this series took such a simplistic and cliched approach then twisted into something more complex and truly gutwrenching. 2020 was nothing without AOT, in my opinion, watching AOT broadened my media consumption, yanked me into the anime world and i already have so many fandoms i'm in.

2020 was a hard time too, i couldn't have done it without this bloody series, god, i remember aboarding the train hype, everything was everywhere, fics, art, videos, memes etc. All those I read influenced my writing style, all those theories made me think more critically, those memes and videos of it made me laugh. It's funny how a series like this one comforted me so much.

I remember being so traumatized by the first episode i'm like who the fuck would ever like this series with this much blood and that night i immediately searched for eren fics because i was like who is this boy i like him, i fucking dreamt of the beast titan, all those nights racing with my sister who could finish the series first, i literally woke up at 4 just to watch it before she could.

Fucking terrified which of my favorite characters were going to die next, literally sobbing over armin's death, god and the mindfuck with Marley and Eldians and Subjects of Ymir in the fray oh my god.

Can I just say, I wouldn't be who I was without AOT? Even with my cynical behavior, it's all because of it.

2021 who i never fail to reiterate and think fondly is good because of AOT as well, I figured wow, the final season is coming back, I should rewatch it again and so the hyperfixation began, i was sick too, almost dying too actually, dengue is dangerous and it was just a fond memory because i was watching aot and i acted like i never had watch these scenes in my life and despite feeling like dying i felt okay.

I was so batshit crazy when part 2 came out, that was the one that was actually peak AOT don't lie, I was literally screaming like i was giving birth OVER AN OPENING AND AN ENDING, i'll never forget any of it.

When I cried watching the whole episode, it really just occurred to me that this is really the end for AOT, i was only ever able to go through it because I have the anime and it what really kept the whole fandom alive, the anime's honestly the reason why it had this many fans as you can see.

And again the way it's heartwrenching for it to just be a simple series and then it's full blown war, jean and reiner holding out to each other, remembering how they used to be close and comrades then betrayals and war happened and it's all ruined.

The devastating realization of seeing the last few panels animated, watching the end flash through the screen, realizing there was nothing out of this now, no more next episodes, no more hype, it's gone and it's so devastating because how happy it made you, the way you'll never see these characters again, only in rewatches or art. But it's not the same.

I admit I don't feel as hyperfixated over it now, after getting burnt out of it last year, even good things go badly sadly and i was just here for eren now, but doesn't change the fact this series has nurtured my quarantine, i grew up with this series even if it was only recent, who changed the trajectory of my life and had me find my paths.

I'll never forget these characters who made my life, who brought life to the story, even if they were just moved by the plot now, i'll always have a soft spot for AOT, i will always love it, regardless how much i hate it, there will always be fondness within it.

It's kind of weird, really to see Levi who has done so much to the fandom just by existing and being drawn and animated now cease to exist? I suppose, looking at him feels weird like imagine comparing 2014 levi to 2023 levi now omg, that's where you really begin to realize how much time has passed and how much AOT has evolved AGAIN JKSDHJ

well, i'm still on eren's side, still hate what happened to him but i'll always love him, he is such an important character to me, i don't think i truly ever loved someone like him despite representing the total opposite of me, he just had that charm i suppose, his views are so hauntingly beautiful, idealistic, him representing hope, despite what he did, in the end he did what he could for himself and for his people IN MY HUMBLE ONION

eren yeager i'll always love you

i'm kinda scared what would happen to this fandom now, will it die now? Will it live? I doubt, I haven't even finished my eren fic and lol, either way i hope someone will still enjoy AOT, i hope still there will be new watchers.

This is long but this is just how I really feelt about AOT which I wholeheartedly do love and cherish with all the memories and the pain it gave.

Thank you Isayama for this world, for these characters, for these mindblowing revelations about war, life and freedom, for the heartaches and the joy.

Thank you WIT for raising AOT and truly breathing life to it, for garnering fans for it to be more appreciated.

Thank you MAPPA for continuing WIT's legacy, you are not the same but still delievered, thank you for carrying the final season and the fandom on your back, may you sleep well and have your deserved pay.

Thank you for the voice actors who breathed those memorable lines to be used in edits.

Thank you Linked Horizon for coming back, aot was iconic because of your openings.

Thank you AOT for everything.

[majorbaby]

same anon as earlier re: the tvtropes page. One thing that came up was that it was considered canon that the near-drowning was because Billy was a friend (not a cousin, as Hawkeye explicitly states in bless you hawkeye) who pushed Hawkeye in because he made a gay advance on him... when that is very much fanon

full disclosure, i doubt i will ever rewatch 'bless you hawkeye' so my analysis of it will always be limited to what i can read from secondary sources and what i vaguely remember about it from my first watch.

this is way longer than it needed to be but it was bugging me and i’m also trying to figure out where i stand on ‘what is the meaningful difference between headcanon and textual reading, when is it best to prioritize one over the other’ as someone who loves the MASH canon very much but also is of the belief that you can and should do whatever you want with it.

not really a tl;dr but in case you are wondering: 

Why does any of this matter? Why did I pick this particular thing apart?

Idk man why do people write 2K word essays about tv shows on tumblr Cuz what the tropes-writer wrote sucks as a suggestion of what was implied by the text and I hate the connection it tried to establish between what happened to Hawkeye and what Hawkeye’s sexuality might be and furthermore the implication that what happened was CSA. Not only do I firmly believe it isn't intended to be CSA, but CSA is traumatic when it happens to anyone and we should limit the connections we make between it and homosexuality on a platform such as tvtropes* or any other platform that leans towards providing objective information, unless it is strictly necessary to do so. 

*idc what anyone does with their headcanons or fanwork, there are even trope labels you can use when you want to express that something is implied or is one possible reading - my beef here is that it's presented as though it's a reading that has legitimate basis in the text and as such it was particularly impactful to real life LGBT people CW: for a CSA mention that I’m asserting here did not happen and isn’t real

i was going to copy/paste everything relevant to this episode here but then this post would be even longer and i’m also only going to talk about one mention of it on tvtropes that really pushed me over the edge so-to-speak. if you want you can go ctrl/cmd+F on the main trope pages and the character page for hawkeye, which contain other references to 'bless you hawkeye' that are mostly in-line with this drivel i found on ‘nightmare fuel’: "Bless You Hawkeye" is commonly admitted by LGBT+ fans (even if it wasn’t meant that way, Hawkeye loved Billy so much that he couldn’t even bring himself to admit he hated him) and victims of abuse (Sidney’s comment about bedrooms being a battlefield, Billy laughing as he pushes baby Hawk into the water and says “you’re so clumsy, you’d be dead if it weren’t for me”) to be a rough episode to get through. What makes it worse is you can see easy setting up of it in previous episodes with Hawkeye not wanting to talk about a first love in “The Bus” and his dream in “Dreams” being helpless on a boat, and his Trauma-Induced Amnesia repeats in “Goodbye Farewell And Amen”.

Anon, I looked through all the pages and I couldn’t find anywhere that the writer asserted that Billy was ‘a friend… … who pushed Hawkeye in because he made a gay advance on him’ so if you want me to respond to that you’ll have to point me directly to it. 

But anyway I hate the above excerpt so much that I’m going to use your ask as jumping-off point to discuss it. Which still somewhat addresses what you’re saying about ‘fanon’. 

"Bless You Hawkeye" is commonly admitted by LGBT+ fans...

point me to a single instance of this anywhere outside of a handful of posts on tumblr.com. and that’s not a shot of gay culture as it exists on tumblr, which is a legitimate online subculture and online subcultures imo are no less valid (nor are they entirely separate from) offline subcultures.

i think you could make the argument that MASH in general resonates with queer fans - but even that statement is a stretch without additional context such as noting how gay subtext as an affront to masculinity is in the script throughout the gelbart years. it’s popular in general, with all kinds of people. 

(even if it wasn’t meant that way, Hawkeye loved Billy so much that he couldn’t even bring himself to admit he hated him) 

Here this person seems to admit that it's not a textual reading, but still goes onto assert why they think it's a valid textual reading so... what is the truth. I think this is done in bad faith.

This seems to be telling me it resonates more with LGBT fans specifically because Hawkeye had a gay crush on his canonical cousin, and gay fans are supposed to see it through that lens because… Hawkeye loves his cousin Billy so much it’s comparable to homosexual attraction??? Draw me a map please.

Kissing cousins are a real thing but even if Hawkeye and Billy were a straight girl and boy, there’d still need to be some kind of straightforward evidence to suggest that this is what the text is trying to tell us.  I can’t think of any other incest jokes the show makes (although I suspect there must be at least one or two across 256 episodes of a black comedy) so I don’t think puppy love is what is intended by the line “I loved him!”.

My interpretation is that this juxtaposition of “Why did he do that? I loved him! I hated him!” is what causes Hawkeye to repress the incident aside from it being just generally traumatic. It is so unbelievable to him that someone he loved like that could, by accident or not, try to drown him, which would reasonably make anyone hate someone. He can’t hold onto the love and the hate at the same time, so he makes it so it never happened. Does it resonate with LGBT fans simply because they read Hawkeye as gay? Well then anything that happens to Hawkeye resonates especially with gay fans and that isn’t exactly how projection works. If Hawkeye resonates with you, it’s likely for a variety of reasons rather than just his sexuality, which is never canonically addressed - I admit through gritted teeth. 

… and victims of abuse (Sidney’s comment about bedrooms being a battlefield, Billy laughing as he pushes baby Hawk into the water and says “you’re so clumsy, you’d be dead if it weren’t for me”) to be a rough episode to get through.

If this were the only thing being asserted here, I could maybe see it. I do think this episode stands to resonate especially strongly with a victim of child abuse or even just anyone who has experienced a traumatic childhood event. I don’t think sexuality is important enough a variable to warrant a separate mention, I would feel similarly if it resonated strongly with “Women” or even “people from Maine” - not relevant, not implied or stated by the text at all.

I think the writer wants me to jump from "abuse" to "CSA" by only mentioning "bedrooms being a battlefield" because, what’s this? TV Tropes had Sidney’s complete line: Oh, sure. It's the little battlefields — a pond, the bedroom, the schoolyard — that can leave some of the worst scars

tbh if I’d seen that line earlier I wouldn’t have even have needed to write all of this. This confirms that the episode is just generally about traumatic childhood events. Oh well. Very, very annoying and manipulative to just quote “bedrooms being the battlefield” because if that’s all Sidney had said then okay, maybe there would be some kind of sexual undertone to the abuse. But he says this to reason with Hawkeye about his insecurity (his line prior to this is: You know what's funny? Here we are in the middle of all this shooting... and-and I get laid out by something that happened to me in a pond when I was seven.) about being so shaken up by something that happened a long time ago in the midst of the war.  Anyway, even if it was implied to be CSA, I feel weird about the implication that CSA resonates in a way here that is particularly impactful to LGBT people and I really don’t want to see the acronym mentioned in the same sentence as CSA unless there is a damn good reason for it.

What makes it worse is you can see easy setting up of it in previous episodes with Hawkeye not wanting to talk about a first love in “The Bus” and his dream in “Dreams” being helpless on a boat, and his Trauma-Induced Amnesia repeats in “Goodbye Farewell And Amen”

Ehhh. I know we like to point out ~the parallels~ of things but 11 seasons, cast and crew members coming and going, this show’s notorious lack of continuity (Radar losing his virginity like 4 times, other recycled plots, Hawkeye’s ‘sister’)... actual callbacks and threads that can be textually supported are the exception, not the rule on MASH. The word ‘chicken’ is synonymous with ‘Hawkeye’ at this point but… we all know this is like for fun right? (padme.jpg) right? Or else, we're playing in the sandbox in the sandbox, aren't we? Not stretching the text in a place where people go to read about things that actually happened on that show, with a tighter margin for interpretation - yes?

The Bus was season 4. If you’re reaching across 4.5 seasons and scraping the bottom of the barrel for one brief moment (IIRC it’s not even a big deal that they skip Hawkeye’s story and furthermore, they get interrupted before he gets a chance to presumably tell his) to hold up as definitive proof that Hawkeye’s first sexual experience was rape and/or SA - I need a heck of a lot more than that. Or just idk, make a tumblr post instead of embarrassing yourself on tvtropes.com 

[thesecretoflivereactions]

We have the title-card back and we changed the flowers. Is it possible that the first two cards were representing her... and this is representing him?

Even not knowing what I know it was clear as day that leaving her alone would lead to something bad happening...

Woah. I didn't think he would go to her family and confront them about how they treated her.

She meets her sister who treats her horribly as usual and instead of telling her how wrong she is, she got right back to her depressed and melancholic state of hating herself. That is what meeting people who traumatized you can do to you. Its scary.

I understand why she didn't say anything and I understand why it was not easy for him to tell her he knows either... but honestly? If they would have talked, things would have been so much easier for them.

She finally told him and we have officially entered the stage of the second body-contact. Wohoo!

WOW! Episode 4 and we even already get a hug. The Anime-Gods have blessed us today!

It feels a slight bit too early for that. BUT we don't know how much time has passed... so we let it slide. BESIDES, slow burn can be so exhausting and boring sometimes XD

We really are making quick progress here.

We watch the next Episode in this post as well...

No card this time either.

Even if you word it differently, it's still jealousy XD (Reminds me a bit of a HaMi scene from the old Sailor Moon Anime.)

He is totally mesmerized by her XD

Say goodbye to Godo, I think he is going to be killed mercilessly in a few seconds XD

He just asked Miyo to dump the guy and marry him instead XD

I guess this is a Japanese thing, huh?

She might be mean, but she is a very quick thinker. She wants to marry into the Kudo family and thought her father would arrange it (after being confronted by Miyos fiance just a while before, he knows that there is no use even trying) but he refused. So immediately she turns to Koji, who she knows has still feelings for Miyo. She is quite the rat.

Seems like he didn't jump onto Kayas plans...

(Anyway... the post is long enough, we continue in the next one.)

[mystiquewanderlust]

CHINESE DRAMAS MUST WATCH

[PART 8]

The Long Ballad🎭

GENRE: Wuxia, Adventure, Historical, Romance

RATING: 1000/10

WUXIA RATING: ⭐⭐⭐

No. Of Episodes: 49

Date Watched: March 2-6, 2023

This drama is everything!! Never a dull momemt again and it's not that intense where I wanna take a break and switch to a comedy drama just to ease the tension I was feeling while watching an intense episode (based on actual experience). The casts and the production made this drama even more exciting to watch. Like the actors and the costumes and the setting.. it was the icing on top! I just love the three main casts (not to mention very popular and highly paid ones)--Dilraba, Lusi and Leo.. yeah we're on first name basis now haha. Have watched some of their dramas already that's why I was more enticed to watch this drama. Like just Dilraba already screams WATCH ME to me.. not to mention those other two, especially Leo who I just watched in Fight Break Spears.. I loved him there! Even though he appears like a teen there and just two years later this new drama with Dilraba shook my entire system. I mean he was so different from that drama, less manly.. if you know what I mean. But in this drama.. he is soooo handsome!!

Anyways, getting back to the drama.. the plot, wow.. I was blown! It was like another new dimension which reminded me of Legend of Fuyao where they traveled to the different kingdoms--Central Plains, Grasslands and Dessert.. with the divisions--Eagle, Bear and Wolf of the Ashle Tribe. Also love the wars and struggle for power which turned to 180 degree in the end.. aside from the deaths of the innocent people who contributed a lot in the growth of the main characters, the story was a beauty. I wasn't traumatized with the ending.. unlike some dramas (ehem, Scarlet Heart).. Can't wait to watch the other dramas of these three main casts ♡♡♡

The Starry Love⭐

Genre: Xianxia, Romance, Adventure

Rating: 100/10

XIANXIA RATING: ⭐⭐⭐

No. of Episodes: 40

Date Watched: Feb 16-Mar 11, 2023 realtime

This drama is cute! Yes, cute is the word. Haha! I was drawn by the plot the very first time I learned about this. I mean twins with different persona--one prim&proper (the role model) and one happy-go-lucky/crafty (the deliquent) as it was described. One who will bring luck and prosper and one who will bring bad luck and disaster. And guess what? They got swapped with their supposed to be groom--one from the Heavenly Realm and one from the Demon Realm. Exciting, right?! And yes, I wasn't mistaken after watching the drama--it was so fun! The searching for the male lead's three soul chards was really a fun and funny adventure. The plot, check! Costumes, check! Characters/Actors, check! All of the main actors for me is new aside from the male lead who I already encountered in Goodbye My Princess (which is soo not a drama worth recommending. why? #ScarletHeartOnceAgain) The ending tho was so cliffhanger! I know they will have a happy ending based from the last scene, but they didn't make it come true! To see is to believe and be relieved. Hays. Hoping for that Stinger tho. Will patiently wait for my happy happy ending! ♡

Immortal Samsara💮

Genre: Xianxia, Romance, Adventure

Rate: 1000/10

XIANXIA RATING: ⭐⭐⭐

No. of Episodes: 59 + 2 stingers

Date Watched: Mar (last week) - Apr 5 2023

First of all, I wasn't expecting anything from this drama at all. Why? Because first, I'm not fond of the female lead (watched her from Ashes of Love btw) and not familiar with the male lead (I'm kinda not feeling him from the photos/teasers?). Second, I don't know, maybe because I've watched xianxia dramas before and I pretty know what to expect--dieties, mortals, demons, trials, spells and all that. BUT I was stand corrected! THIS DRAMA IS EVERYTHING!! And I'm not exaggerating at all. Like wow, #newchineseactorcrushalert Cheng Yi is the new love of my life! He portrayed his role like so on-point, from the emotions the costumes, how he carry himself--he was a Supreme Lord indeed! (Shoutout to Dylan Wang who is also so good at portraying this role) The plot of this drama blown me away. It was really new and so exciting to watched. And the epic love story--the main couple sacrificing themselves for love--I know it is so overrated but I was totally hooked by their portrayals. This for me even beat the Ashes of Love (which she by the way was also the female lead lol)! Srsly! Still love the Eternal Love tho, they're head to head. But yeah, super satisfied with this 59-long episode drama. Imagine how long this drama is! But I was still bitin. OMG. And oh, the final ending was only made in two stingers so I'm so intrigued how the story really ended. They never explained how the two got revived from the dead because they died in Episode 59! Like what the heck?! But still, glad they made an effort to give the viewers some happy ending to hope for. #ScarletHeartNeverAgain Lol. Now I'm searching for Cheng Yi's drama and of course his new drama which is still a costume drama! Can't wait!!

And oh, this drama is so picturesque, I can't help but capture tons of photos of the leads :D

[autisticandroids]

anyway SPEAKING! of wildly ooc shit from the carver era. i need to talk about goodbye stranger for a minute. anyway the thing about goodbye stranger is that it's kind of a tragedy of miscommunication that's no one's fault. we the audience see cas brainwashed and forced to murder hundreds of copies of dean, and how traumatic that was for him, and the devotion to dean it implies. because of that we understand that dean matters to him deeply, and when he says "i don't know" in response to dean's "what broke the connection?" he's lying to hide how much he cares from dean, because when dean said "i need you," cas interpreted that as being about usefulness, not affection. on the other hand, dean was just beaten for no reason by his best friend, and bared his soul to him on his knees in that crypt, and then that friend gives a rushed explanation about some kind of brainwashing dean had no idea was even possible, a few incomplete, avoidant answers, and leaves, while dean, though physically healed, is still feeling totally emotionally raw from both the violence and the vulnerability.

basically, it's a situation that's designed to cause maximum hurt feelings which is maximally no one's fault.

now, obviously, people who are bad at watching television find ways to make cas into a villain here anyway. one of the most common bitter deangirl refrains that i see, even from the more reasonable ones, is that cas sucks for leaving after goodbye stranger. to which i say, can't a man take a moment to think after receiving hundreds of lobotomies? can't be be forgiven if he does not immediately swallow his own issues and work on fixing dean's, especially since he has no way of knowing what dean's are?

but also like, that makes sense, because the lobotomy plot is one of the most dean-centric cas plots in the show. like, it's not really about cas' trauma, that's secondary. we never see cas process or reflect on it after the fact. it's not really relevant to cas' character. the main thread of the lobotomy plot is actually dean being hurt and confused that cas isn't there or it acting strange. it's about dean's feelings. even if you look at torn and frayed, which is about the most cas-centric episoode of the lobotomy arc, the beat the episode ends on is the winchesters being kinda like "hey what's up with that guy? he's acting weird. is he a potential threat?" rather than concern for his well-being or anything. like the main takeaway from the episode isn't supposed to be "oh no, cas is suffering!" it's supposed to be "oh no, cas is brainwashed and might be dangerous/Not Himself!" and this is highlighted even more because the angel we see cas kill is samandriel, an angel we care about not because of his relationship with cas - we never see them interact under non-brainwashed circumstances - but because of his relationship (or at least, previous conversation) with dean. it makes sense to just ignore the effect it might have on cas.

plus, if you're thinking about the original draft of goodbye stranger and the i love you, and a lot of people are and do, then cas comes off looking a lot worse. like, in the canon version of goodbye stranger, cas' "i don't know" is logical emotional self-protection. he's refusing to show dean the vulnerability of caring, which makes sense, given that cas has just been, you know, lobotomized hundreds of times for caring about dean, and he has no idea how dean will react (dean seems pretty mad!). but in the "i love you" version, dean has just shown cas extreme vulnerability in a way even cas can't misunderstand, and cas' refusal to show his own in return is somewhere between clueless and callous. that version of cas is fleeing from his own vulnerability, either lying to himself about it or trying to. and that's still fundamentally sympathetic and doesn't make cas some kind of villain. once again i must say, can't a man take a moment to think after receiving hundreds of lobotomies? but it's still way more on cas than the canon version. it's also not that believable, since cas is uh. pretty aware that dean is his weakness and vulnerability at the very least starting in season six.

okay so this has been kind of a long ramble because it's about eight posts rolled into one, but i needed that stuff as groundwork for my point, which is: it doesn't actually make a lot of sense that cas leaves at the end of goodbye stranger.

like, i was talking to @housewife-castiel about bitter deangirls who are soooooo mad about goodbye stranger and she was like "cas was justified in leaving with the tablet because dean hates angels and would have used it for ill" which is like. that's true. that's definitely true. however, i think it's out of character for cas, because one of cas' greatest and most tragic flaws is failing to recognize that dean is a danger to his other loved ones. he sees the best in dean, often to his detriment and the detriment of those he cares about.

and there's not really another good reason why you could see him leaving with the tablet. certainly there isn't one presented. like, when i first watched season eight, i assumed it meant that he had been like, brainwashed by the tablet into serving its own purposes, which isn't really a stretch given that the tablet seems integral to breaking naomi's brainwashing, but is also never brought up so like. i don't think that's what happened.

the only other reason i can think of for cas to leave with the tablet is because he needs some space due to he just got a bunch of lobotomies and was traumatically forced to nearly beat dean to death and now dean is standing in front of him. this, by the way, jives way better with the "i love you" version - if cas is running from his feelings, it makes sense for him to run. but even then, i don't think it's believable, because like... cas is not a skillful spontaneous liar. he does lie sometimes, but it's rehearsed, and he seems so suddenly certain about the tablet that it really scans as genuine.

the real reason cas leaves with the tablet, obviously, is that they don't want to pay misha collins for like the next four episodes, so they have to find some way to write him out. i'm sure that they were planning to justify it later and then never got around to it. but in-universe it just... doesn't make a ton of sense.

[free-falling-grenade]

THE NEW OWL HOUSE EPISODE. DID U WATCH. DID U FCXKING WATCH IT, OP. DID YOU.

OP. I FUCKIN WATCHED IT JST NOW. AND IM AAAAAAA

FIRST OF ALL we love traumatic back to back episode because clearly they love causing us pain :)

SECONd, WHAT THE FUCK, what the fuck what the fuck what the actual fuck???? Idk about you guys but I NEVER even considered King to be a fucking Titan. I dont think I read that theory anywhere or have seen it. And that shit blew my fucking mind.

Also MYY POOR BABY KING. HE JUST WNTED TO PLAY CATCH. I'm crying forever.

Although, this revelation is fucking SCARY. Because IF BELOS FINDS OUT King is a fucking Titan, and he needs Titan blood for the door............... I CANT. GOODBYE.

Also WTF IS THAT CONNECTION WITH THE COLLECTOR MEAN? will the collector be able to take over Kings thoughts and see what Luz and everyone is doing, or the question is will the collector KNOW and TELL Belos. What the fuck what the fuck what thhehebrbFKKKKK.

If the Collector is the Grand Titan Hunter, it would make sense why he also wants to help Belos coz they have that in common with Belos being a Witch Hunter and everything. They have the same goal which is basically mass genocide. Though, I'm convinced that the Collector also has other plans which might cause a disruption during the Day of Unity.

Also Eda and Lilith are literally surrounded by a bunch of Emperor coven rats. Which I'm not too worried about coz I'm confident in their abilities and probably on the verge of mastering glyphs like Luz. STILL they are outnumbered and Hooty isnt with them to protect the Owl House. So they might be a little fucked ✨

Though my prediction would be is that Luz and all will come in a little later and try to help but then they're captured or in a tight spot which continues in the next few episodes till the day of Unity arrives. Or Raine might come and help which would be a little more spicier. That might be farfetched tho since they're pretending to still be in control of Terra.

IN A LIGHTER NOTE: Knowing that King is a motherfukin Titan officially makes the Clawthornes the most powerful clan in the Boiling isles (arguments are invalid. I love the clawthornes) With Eda although no powers is still imo the most powerful witch in the boiling isles, Lilith's knowledge makes her hella powerful, Luz the Human a smart powerful preteen with Glyphs. Hunter (who will join them when traumatic bb is feeling better) . Anyway their family will wreck everyone in this joint 👍🏽

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I might be back on my bullshit thinking about Louis [as if I ever stopped] and episode 2 again. Like... there are a lot of things that could’ve been handled better when it comes to ep2, but can we just appreciate his apology to Clementine during the archery scene? 

[note: this turned into a bit of a rant, and for that, I apologize]

It still baffles me that he gets dismissed as a shitbird by portions of the fandom to this day for being upset with Clem and AJ when he just found out his best friend gave away the twins, murdered Brody and tried to pin it on Clementine to cover his tracks... only to then be murdered by AJ after he already gave up, shot him in the back of the head right in front of everyone and left Louis heartbroken and traumatized. 

Like I understand that some of y’all think Clementine and AJ should never be held accountable for anything they do and they’re always right, even when they’re in the wrong because you’re the player projecting yourself onto them and everyone who is mean to you is a stupid head unless they’re mean in the right way.

Or you’re one of those violentine stans who feels like the only way to validate your ship is to create this narrative that Louis is a traitor and Clementine would never love him after he voted for them to leave as if the only way you know how to make Violet look good is to make Louis bad by comparison instead of like... y’know, being one of the decent stans who explain and gush about the positives of the ship itself and why they love it rather obsessing over the other ship. 

Either way, you’re really gonna look at that situation of Louis reacting to his best friend’s death after what just went down and be like “calm down, Louis, you’re being a jerk :/” like.... I’m sorry? 

Aren’t you the same people who complained about Luke not giving a shit about Nick’s death back in s2? how he didn’t have a reaction? In fact, aren’t you also the same people who vigorously defended Kenny for his reaction to Sarita’s death after he lashed out at Clementine? Remember? When he yelled at her and called her a stupid fucking kid who thinks she can just get anyone killed and it’s okay because she said sorry? but it’s fine because Kenny’s reacting in a realistic way that makes sense for his character and he later apologizes for it? 

but now here you are, getting a realistic reaction out of Louis that makes sense with his character and all of a sudden, you don’t like it? You want him to just be like “Oh no, Marlon.... anyway.” Really?

Louis is hurt, he’s pissed and he doesn’t know what to do. He’s so shaken by what the hell just happened, Marlon’s dead body is bleeding out on the ground, Ruby’s talking about getting fucking medicine as if that’s gonna do anything, Violet waving her cleaver around at them even though literally none of them were looking at AJ they were all looking at Clementine, Violet you are not helping anyone in this situation, you’re only making it worse and adding to the aggression... but no, Louis shouldn’t be a fucking mess right now. He should just shrug his shoulders and be like “Welp, this is fine.” 

Then there’s the damn funeral. Look, Clementine and AJ shouldn’t have been there. I know they had to be for story purposes, but it’s such a bad idea that it makes Violet, the one who wanted them there, look like an ass who has no regard for anyone other than herself, Clementine and AJ, and those who agree with her... which is only Tenn and I guess everyone else sucks and their feelings are invalid because no one else wanted them there since it’s not a good idea to have Marlon’s murderer attend his funeral and if you believe that isn’t going to piss people off or make them uncomfortable, then either you don’t care or you don’t know how to read a room. 

And by the way, Louis wasn’t the one who suggested voting them out. He wasn’t even there when MITCH said they should take a vote and everyone agreed to it. So why is it that Louis gets all this blame for how the vote turned out? Oh, Louis is such a traitor because he’s the reason they got kicked out.... except no? 

First of all, if you’re so mad at Louis then how come you’re not mad at Ruby? She voted them out, too. So did Omar. They contributed to kicking them out. How come no one else talks about how much they hate them after they said having the vote was a fair idea and then voted them out? Oh, and Willy, too. Willy voted them out. The only other person who gets heat for the vote is Mitch, and he was the one who came up with the idea in the first place... but no one else, huh? 

Also, how come only Violet gets praise for wanting Clementine and AJ to stay? Never see anyone talk about how amazing Aasim is after he was the third vote for them. He has legit reasons for wanting them around, too, but he didn’t want them at the funeral either so what, does that cancel out his vote for you? Where is the Aasim love? 

Then we got the dorms where Louis and Violet come to escort them away, and once again, I have to mention that both of them are wrong in this situation. They’re on the extreme opposites where Violet thinks they should stay because they didn’t do anything wrong, and Louis thinks they should leave because AJ’s dangerous. Both of these view points make sense with their characters.

However, I guess some conveniently ignore how conflicted Louis is about the whole thing and how he’s feeling about it because it doesn’t fit with the narrative they’re trying to push about his character. 

Again, he’s dealing with a lot of shit right now only to be constantly invalidated by Violet, who keeps telling him what a shithead he is for hurting about this, how he’s just burying his head in the sand again and all this other shit, and he eventually snaps at her and says AJ’s dangerous, which hurts AJ and it’s all over Louis’ face that he realizes he snapped and he feels bad about it. 

But Louis never got aggressive with them, he never laid a hand on them, and he was there to escort them out in the woods. And that argument of “he sent them out there to die therefore Clementine and AJ should hate him, Clem shouldn’t want any friendly/romantic relationship with him because he put AJ at risk and got him shot” is.... I dunno, ugh? It’s ugh. You act like Louis did this to intentionally get them hurt when that’s not true. 

Clementine and AJ have survived on their own for years, so it makes sense that Louis would try to justify this to himself like “they’ll make it out there, they’ll survive because they’ve done this before... this is for the best for everyone” and no, him telling them that this is probably like going home for them isn’t okay, but it makes sense for his character because he doesn’t actually know how bad it is out there. 

None of them know, they’ve all lived in walls their whole lives. It’s naïve of him, yes, but it makes sense and he didn’t do this with shitty intentions of wanting them to get hurt. He didn’t know that Lilly and Abel would be out there, he didn’t know AJ would get shot, he didn’t know any of it. He didn’t think that if they voted them out, this would happen. He was struggling with his feelings about them and saying goodbye to someone he was starting to feel a connection with. 

And he let them back in. Hell, he carried AJ into the school himself when they showed up wounded and you still wanna call him an asshole and a traitor? He could’ve said nope, get the hell out. We kicked you out, you’re not welcome here. 

He didn’t do that, he ran to them to see if they’re okay, he brought AJ to Ruby and stayed with him the entire time Clem was in the office with Violet.... AND he apologized to AJ, quietly begging for him to be okay... and when he’s faced with Clementine after what happened, he doesn’t know what to say to her. He can’t even look at her because he feels so ashamed of himself and feels all the blame for this. 

This is a moment that ties back to backstory. Louis’ emotions overpowered him, he made a decision and now AJ is shot and bleeding on the couch.... when he came to the school, they [the staff, I assume] said these kids were bad people, they told Louis that he was bad after what he did to his parents and he internalized that, and this whole this just reaffirms that idea “I am bad, I hurt people, this is my fault.” He blames himself for everything even though there’s no way he could’ve known. You can feel Louis’ genuine concern for AJ and how he’s doing, but at the same time, he’s trying to distance himself from Clementine… and well, sorta failing since he brings her clothes and they have the conversation in the dorms. 

Then the archery scene.... y’know, the scene I was gonna make a simple little post about that somehow turned into this. 

Once again we have Louis and Violet arguing because that’s what they do now, and Violet continues to tell him to get over himself without listening to anything he says, and he goes to practice archery so that y’know... when the raiders come he can use a weapon to help defend them since he’s not very good with it and needs practice.

Clem goes to check on him, and Louis apologizes for voting them out, explains that when AJ shot Marlon, he blamed Clementine when that wasn’t the right thing to do. He had a lot going on emotionally on top of what was happening around him, but after having two weeks to work through things alone, even though he’ll never be happy Marlon died, he can understand why AJ thought it was the right thing to do... and if he could take everything back, he would. He knew that the moment they came back, and he still does. 

I just.... how often does Clementine ever get an actual apology from anyone who has hurt her? A real apology from someone who means it and then doesn’t just turn around and repeat the same hurtful actions? Like... it baffles me that people will look at this genuine apology and tell him to fuck off, but will accept and continue to adore someone like Kenny who will apologize for hurting Clem, only to never try to be better and ends up hurting her even more next time. 

Or they’ll accept and justify Violet’s last minute apology for punching Clementine in the face on the boat and putting everyone [including AJ, rememeber?] at risk of either dying or being made into brainwashed soldiers by the delta. 

They both have reasons for their behaviors and you’ll work your ass off to justify them, and I’m not saying your points are wrong or invalid, but you seriously won’t even try to extend that same thing to Louis? Why? 

Well, jokes on you because I too will work my ass of to talk about Louis and what he’s going through and that’s how posts like this get made. I know not everyone is going to feel that connection to him that I have, and you’re allowed to not like him as a character, but realize that I’m also allowed to give my perspective on his character and why I disagree with points posed by those who don’t like him. 

The archery scene is one of my favorites. It’s Louis and Clementine proving that they’re able to open up to one another and say they’re sorry, to forgive the other without being petty or holding it over the other to throw back at them the next time they argue. It proves that Louis wants to put in the effort to repair their relationship and atone for the mistakes he made, to step up and not be “bad” anymore. 

I mean, Louis says it best himself. Everyone heard the jokes and the piano, after that, they stop listening... a lot of people just boil him down to a funny man who never takes anything seriously and the only thing he could ever bring to Clementine’s life is a good laugh, but those who stuck with him and put an effort into building his and Clementine’s relationship know better than that. They know how much this apology in ep2 means even with the downer that the timeline of events rushes everything a bit. 

The fact that Louis doesn’t have this big ego that prevents him from apologizes, that he can forgive AJ for what he did and still build a strong relationship with both him and Clementine, that if you earn his trust he will follow you to hell and back, that he isn’t afraid to call Clementine out on her bullshit and doesn’t have a come apart when she does the same to him, that with her and AJ by his side he finally doesn’t feel alone anymore.... it’s all just so fucking good. 

I dunno, maybe you can understand why I get so ugh whenever I still see these same arguments about him being made with this double standard that doesn’t apply to other characters.