#anyway that flag ends up becoming treasured

[one-winged-dreams]

Im high out of my mind again, and I just remembered something I talked to Owen about where, like the semi modern fantasy concept of Pride reaches Teyvat and so there's cute little cultural Pride festivals all over the plac every year.

And I want to think Ganyu would bring Sky Singer back a little transgender Pride flag because his gender identity is very important to his identity in whole.

And he'd look at it and then be like

"It's looks like papa..."

And then everyone's heart shatters at once.

[nantokanarusaa]

Ao no Flag (SERIES FINALE SPOILERS!!)

Seriously, don’t read this if you are planning to read Ao no Flag. That being said, go read the manga now!!

Finally finished reading Ao no Flag and I have so many feelings. Non-coherent, rambly, messy feelings. I was looking at reactions online and what mainly boggles me about the reactions to the final 2 chapters is people being “how is Taichi suddenly gay??” My friend living on this big planet he never was (he’s bi). He most likely just realized it later in life. Did the events of his 3rd HS year help him figure it out? Heck yes. Is he suddenly bi? No.

Not all queer people pop out into this world and instantly know they are queer. Heck, it took me 23 years to figure that out. It’s not like Taichi instantly realized he likes Touma and started dating him. He knew Touma mattered to him somehow, but it took him multiple years to realize how, as evident by him maybe starting his relationship with Touma after 5 years when Touma contacted them all. He gained life experience and grew.

People go through a lot of learning, unlearning and growing. Especially if you are outside of societal expectations and norms. Taichi grew up learning to and wanting to blend in with society. “Be normal, don’t stand out too much”. Add to that low self-confidence and you feel stuck. Feel like there is only black and white. only one right answer to life. It can be very difficult to look out of this dark box, trust me, I had a tough time and sometimes still do. But it feels like Taichi thought and thought and pondered even back in high school and came to the decisions that he did.

And isn’t that what the series is about? growing as a person, making mistakes, learning, allowing yourself to be visible and vulnerable, and eventually, making choices, even if they don’t make sense to anyone else, and continuing to do so?

These two pages really hit me hard and I was wondering why. And then it hit me. This is possibly the happiest I’ve seen Taichi be since his childhood. Like genuinely happy. He’s reached max happiness points and is sharing those with Touma. He’s made his choices, and he’s happy. You can and are allowed to choose what or who makes you happy.

That’s all that matters.

[bensbush]

How does sammy and yasmina crew get to meet each other? Is it random? Do one of them save the other or something else?

Thank you for this question! I've been thinking about it for a while and I think I finally have a coherent vision.

The first time they all officially meet face to face is while they're fighting each other. Yaz and Sammy have this rivalry going on, and at this point, the only interaction they've had is indirect, but still aimed at each other.

Sammy's crew is chasing after an enemy ship they want to take supplies from, but they notice another ship is also following them. When they see the flag, they know it's Yaz, and they prepare for her to attack their ship. But she doesn't attack them, she just sails right by them toward the enemy ship. Sammy's a little offended that Yaz isn't attacking her, so she decides that this is a race now.

Yaz is faster and boards the other ship first, but that doesn't stop Sammy from boarding anyway. Then, it becomes a fight for who gets the supplies.

Of course, Yaz and Sammy swordfight (lol), which Yaz wins because she's trained at it years before Sammy even became a pirate. But Yaz refuses to actually kill Sammy, and when Sammy asks why, she just says that she's not worth cleaning her blade. This offends Sammy even more, and she becomes determined to show Yaz that she's capable of being a threat.

Meanwhile, Ben goes after Darius because he recognizes him. The first time Sammy messed with Yaz, she got Darius to lift information about a treasure map from Ben at a tavern while he was drunk. Ben has been attempting to train Bumpy to attack on command, and he's like go bite Darius for me. Bumpy bites Darius' ankle a little, but it doesn't hurt him, and Darius ends up thinking she's more cute than intimidating. And Ben's like omg finally someone else who doesn't see her as a monster! But they still have to fight because they're on opposite sides.

Brooklynn and Kenji also fight. He's like hey I don't wanna hit a lady :(( , and she's like you'll have to if you want to live. The skill gap between them is crazy, so Brooklynn ends up getting bored and she leaves him tied to a pole.

The fight ends with Sammy's crew at a loss, and though Sammy really doesn't want to retreat, she does for the sake of her crew members.

(( Hopefully this makes sense, I tried to make it not too lengthy. I may have also left out information bc it's already canon to me in my head, so feel free to ask if u want more of my imaginary plot :]

[darksaiyangoku]

RWBY Winter Tales

Witch of the Shadows

Blake walked along the path with her familiar, a shadow cat named Fergus. In the City of Vale, there were rumours of a Demon Knight that would appear during the blizzard and slay any unsuspecting travellers. She couldn't stand monsters like that and she agreed to hunt it down in exchange for a weekend at the Library of Forbidden Tomes. There was a treasure kept inside that was far more valubale than any gold in Remnant. Blake shivered violently as she stumbled in the snow.

Fergus; Are you sure you can handle yourself in this weather, my lady?

Blake: O-Of c-c-course. I-I-I'm perfectly f-f-fine.

For several more minutes, the two of them kept trudging along and all the while, the snow became thicker. Blake started to feel her feet soak with each step and it was making her uncomfortable. Unfortunately, she didn't know any fire spells to warm herself up. Fergus shook his head, disappointed in his mistress' lack of forsight.

Fergus: Tsk tsk tsk.

Blake: S-Shut up. A-Anyway, are we in the r-right area yet?

Fergus: We need to go further left. According the citizens of Vale, the Demon Knight's stronghold should be right over here. *runs*

Blake: What the- Fergus, get back here!

Blake tried to run after her familiar, but the deep snow was restricting her movement. She was struggling to keep up and the snowfall was becoming heavy, obscuring her vision. Suddenly, she tripped over what felt like a loose branch and ended up falling down a steep hill.

Blake: Agh!! Ow! *rubbing her head* Damn it! *turns around* Huh?

Blake was flabbergasted. In front of her was a small, decrepit stone house and on the windows were torn flags of a forked Imp. This couldn't possibly be the home of a demon, could it? Blake tried her best to stand up and, grabbing her wand, carefully walked inside.

It wasn't what she had expected at all. The inside of the house looked like a common living room. There was a table, a few broken chairs and a bookshelf. Sitting on a dusty bench was a young man stroking away at Fergus, who trilled delightfully. He had blonde hair, deep sapphire eyes and wore torn white tunic. His most distinguished feature, however, were his horns. He was a demon. Blake shook her head. She couldn't just attack him. Fergus didn't appear to be in any danger and he didn't look like he was a knight either.

Blake: Um, hello?

Demon boy: Huh? Oh. Hello there, witch. I didn't hear you come in. Why is it that you've come here?

Blake: Um... well, I... *lowers wand* I was sent to investigate the reports of a Demon Knight who was attacking unsuspecting travellers. I-I hate to ask, but do you know anything about it?

Demon boy: *shakes head* No, I don't. I was exiled from the Demon Knights 3 months ago.

Blake: Oh... I'm sorry.

Demon boy: It's okay. To be honest, they were a bunch of dicks anyway. By the way, is this your cait familiar?

Blake: Yeah, his name's Fergus. *snaps fingers* Return to me.

Fergus disappeared in a puff of black smoke.

Blake: Anyway, I know you're not a member of the Demon Knights anymore. But did you at least hear anything about the attacks?

Demon boy; Hmmm, if it was attacks on humans, I think I might know one in particular. His name is Cardin and he's... well, infamous is putting it lightly.

Blake: Why exactly is he infamous?

Demon boy: Put it this way, even among demons, he's quite brutal. No one escapes an encounter with him intact. He truly is a monster.

Blake: I see. *grips wand* I hate to ask, but would you help me in finding him?

Demon boy: Well, my combat skills are a little rusty. *stands up* But if you need my help, then I will gladly lend you my services.

Blake: Thank you, Mr...?

Jaune: Jaune Arc. *smiles*

Blake didn't know why, but seeing him smile made her heart flutter a little.

Jaune: Now then, *stands up* why don't you sit down and I'll get some dinner ready.

Blake: O-Oh no no no no, I couldn't possibly-

Jaune: Don't be silly, you just came in from the cold. A hot meal will do you some good. The kitchen's not perfect, but I can whip up something real nice. Do you like tuna?

Blake: YES! I mean- uh, tuna is good.

Jaune: Two tuna steaks with asparagus and mashed potatoes coming right up. *goes into the kitchen*

Blake's stomach grumbled as she heard the sound of pots, pans and the sizzling of the fish. Drool dripped from her mouth as the buttery scent touched her nose. She smiled excitedly. Maybe she had finally found the one.

[mywifeleftme]

364: Various Artists // Israfel

Israfel Various Artists 1997, Ape

A 1997 vinyl benefit compilation of mostly Middle American grindcore / powerviolence / emo acts, assembled in an edition of about 1000 by Bloomington-based DIY label Ape Records (active 1995 to 2002), in handmade sleeve with a recent release catalogue, a substantial zine, and a few priceless gag inserts (incl. YOUR HARDCORE SELL OUT DECODER RING). I’m not an aficionado of any of the genres Israfel covers by any means, but you’d have to be a real head to know most of these: in terms of notoriety, the Locust (who contribute a 47 second blast of lo-fi outrage) are basically Led Zeppelin compared to the rest of the acts, most of whom topped out with a couple of EPs and compilation appearances.

Of course, hearing music that would otherwise be basically lost to time is the appeal of taking a flyer on a comp like this. One of my favourite tracks is “Untitled” by Roanoke, VA’s the Weak Link Breaks, supposedly the first thing the band ever wrote (and, judging from their discography, nearly the last too). It begins with a very, very quiet spacy-Fugazi-style amble (the vocal harmonies couldn’t be more Ian and Guy) that explodes into a brief screamo-style D-beat section, and then some big heaving riffs that make me want to exaggeratedly lift and stomp my feet like a giant trying to keep his balance. I also dig Murfreesboro, TN’s Serotonin, an emo / post-hardcore act with a steely '80s shred band guitar tone who play like they want people in the pit to twirl around ecstatically instead of slam dancing. A lot of the other nasty yowling cat speedballs on Israfel don’t really catch my ear, but that’s okay—I’m weirdly proud of them 27 years after the fact for being themselves and getting out whatever they needed to get out through this violence.

The package’s tone is all over the place. The zine opens with a haunting description of the compilation’s beneficiaries, the family of a pair of little girls with spinal muscular atrophy (a common birth defect) whose condition worsened until they perished, leaving their parents distraught and financially ruined—and the 21-year-old compiler racked with guilt that he didn’t somehow do more to help. From there, it whips through his heterodox thoughts about the hardcore scene (despicably self-absorbed; unresponsive to requests from label operators); the state of emo (too abstract); the best way to bring about change (working within the capitalist system); rape (it’s bad; consent is black and white; can we stop litigating this in the scene?); calling the cops (fine to do); disrespecting the American flag (played out; tacky); and drinking/drug use (“when did self-destruction become rebellion?”). After he finishes up, each band (that got their artwork in on time anyway) gets a page to talk about themselves. This section is full of old school punk zine/leaflet treasures, with designs that mimic motel newspaper ads, postcards, messy handwritten perzines, and Xeroxed 7” grindcore sleeves.

It's funny reading his scornful words about pseudo-rebellious drunkards stumbling toward “the day when punk rock is shelved for an 8 hour workday, Budweiser, and television” and then finding his LinkedIn, where he describes himself as “driving omnichannel excellence” and as “whimsical (after coffee).” You wouldn’t believe it from the splenetic angst of the Israfel zine, but the guy seems like he turned out happy and normal, with a few kids and a successful career. I wonder how the 21-year-old would see the 48-year-old, if he’d call him a sell-out or feel relieved that things worked out; if the 48-year-old would pity his former self, or feel ashamed about losing his edge. More one-time zinesters and hardcore kids end up looking square from a distance than you’d think (I certainly do if you catch me during the workday), because you usually stop hearing about them when they drop out of the scene. For most, the quiet part of life is the larger portion by far. It’s your choice whether to embrace that, mourn it, or seek your own alternative. But if Israfel reminds us of nothing else, it’s the importance of having a good scream at least once in your life.

364/365

[mice-ducks-and-blots]

You said you would info dump about the treasure island Mickey au if anyone asked. Well, I am asking. If you don’t mind :)

(for context: this au here)

I was going to talk abt it when I doodled more of it, but that might be like next year or never kjkskjs so I'll do it now!!

Ok so. It's not a Treasure Island au, just some pirate au I thought while reading Treasure Island (and listening to Shiver My Timbers from Muppets Treasure Island, that song is SUCH a banger). Though it has the same aesthetics in the sense of time period and such.

Mickey here is a famous explorer and scholar who travels across the sea and writes about its misteries, creatures, islands. He's gained quite the reputation and people say he might as well guard the whole ocean inside his brain. He lives in a house a bit far from the city at the seashore, where he keeps his studies and findings such as fossils and shells.

The Phantom Blot is the captain of the Darkenblot ship and his black-stained flag is well known across the seas as belonging to the most fearsome pirate to ever set sail on them. (Pete is his first mate, Plottigat, the medic/inventor, and Scuttle and Trudy and maybe other baddies I'm forgetting about are there in his crew too)

So, there's this legend about a jewel called "The Heart of the Sea" very creative I know that allows the person who holds it to control the winds, tides, and storms. Blot wants it, and he's convinced that that famous mouse explorer knows where it is. So he has Mickey kidnapped and taken aboard.

Mickey does know some clues to where the heart might be, but he refuses to help Blot. Aftel all, the jewel would be trouble enough in the hands of some common pirate, so someone intelligent and cruel like him could only bring disaster. So Blot gives him a few days to change his mind, or he'll walk the plank.

While locked in the ship's cell, Mickey's helped by one of the pirates, who sneaks in some food and water when he can. He's suspicious at first, but soon learn that this one pirate - Donald Duck - Is not like he rest of the crew at all.

Donald was just a simple fisherman who, out of his enormous bad luck, ended up in the Drakenblot's way while fishing away from the shore. He would have been tossed overboard, but Blot noticed something about him - an almost supernatural sense of direction, and the ability to tell when the weather would change. He was too valuable to be lost, so he was forced to become one of the pirates. Or they'd harm his family (He carried a picture of his nephews with him).

So anyways after that Idk what happens exactly. I guess Mickey and Donald try to escape and Donald is almost drowned by the pirates, but when drowning he turns into a mermaid (though the design is more like a fish monster, yknow, like the ones from Pixar's Luca) and he grabs Mickey and swims away. They find Donald's uncle Scrooge who explains that Donald was a mermaid his whole life but if he knew that, the signs of his heritage would be impossible to hide (such as markings on his skin when he was in his terrestrial form idk) and that's why he hid it from him and Della (who found out she was a mermaid and had to hide leaving her sons to Donald, as she didn't want them to be chased and hunted).

Then uuuh I guess Donald, Mickey, the nephews and Scrooge (and Goofy too I want him to be there) go find the Heart of The Sea and I think the other mermaids before the pirates do, and Magica is in the au somewhere as a cool sea whitch/monster and Mickey and Donald become a couple at some point I think that's it

Thanks for the ask! <3

[inthebeginning-rebellion]

i wanna blather about my rook and i have nobody to talk to about her so whatevs

this is thora ingellvar she was found in the crypts as a child with autopsy scars which was a massive red flag for the watchers who found her. for some of her youth she thought she was perhaps half dead/some sort of spirit that had been transposed into the body of a person. in an attempt to sort of cope with her traumatic start to life, she decided this meant she had a grand destiny and mysterious powers that would someday manifest.

this Did Not Happen and eventually the watchers tracked down her mother, a mortalitasi conducting experiments on living subjects, who had become fanatical and resorted to opening up her own daughter.

thora never reunited with her mother, but with assistance from the spirits and mourn watchers who were collectively raising her, she was able to come to terms and deal with her repressed memories. she trained as a Reaper, and many of her duties involved cleaning up the more rambunctious demons, hauntings, and manifestations around nevarra city and the grand necropolis. she sort of poured The Horrors into becoming as ferocious of a warrior as she could be, especially since she was not a mage.

encouraged to leave following the battle of the banners, thora was... not super thrilled having to leave home. but she got a lot of traveling in, met varric, and was doing pretty okay for herself and had grown quite confident in her abilities out on her own. stopping a ritual to bring down the veil felt like very suitable mourn watcher activities, so she was happy to sign on.

she is 34 she is a six foot slab of boot leather with a smile. she's not super chatty but if you get her going she's a very good conversationalist. she is approaching this entire evil gods thing with as much taciturn good humor as she can manage. she romanced emmrich and became very good friends with lucanis.

she is tired a lot but does everything for other people, often at the detriment to herself. her sense of self worth is not the best and she struggles with expressing her insecurities, which make for her and emmrich having several. complicated conversations. she sees him becoming a lich as a very lofty ambition, and ends up admitting to him that she fully expects to die at the end of this journey they're on. so mortal or immortal, he was always going to outlive her. ultimately she feels its selfish to ask him to give up his dream, especially when she doesn't think she's going to be around for much longer. emmrich sputters and flounders a lot at that and realizes he has not been considering the fact that rook may be younger, but she also is the one spearheading into danger 99% of the time, AND has a blood magic elven god curse in her head, and nobody knows what THAT's doing to her life expectancy.

she's a blunt instrument, but emmrich makes her feel like something delicate to be treasured.

anyway she's carrying him over the threshold when they get married.

[yamchaisawesome]

PENNY IS TRANS AS FUCK: An Essay.

WARNING, SPOILERS FOR POKÉMON SCARLET ABD VIOLET

So I saw some TERFs getting mad at someone headcanoning Penny from the new Pokémon games as trans saying they’re intolerant because they, and I paraphrase “headcanon every vaguely gnc person as trans.”

Anyway I, a cis man, am out here like: Did we play the same fucking game? So I’m going to compile every bit of evidence that I can find in support of this gal being trans.

Let’s start with what I like to call Trans Evidence Lightning Round. These are things I can’t write ridiculous amounts about but still feel important to include. These include but are not limited to: 1.Her wearing a large hoodie (possibly a dysphoria hoodie)

2. Her terrifying proficiency with coding and hacking. (Note, this is in no way dismissing cis women in coding or stem as a whole. The trans girl coder stereotype is just really common and Pokémon loves its shorthand)

3. She has a FUCKING SYLVEON (literally has the trans flag colours as the colour scheme) as her ace when you battle her.

4. She says “Shine bright like the starry sky and become who you really want to be!” When terrastalising said Sylveon, which can be taken in a number of ways.

5. The fact that none of the team star bosses knew her name before she left, only referring to her as “The Big Boss”

I’ll probably add more later. Now, onto the juicy stuff. Some of this doesn’t fit together but they all seem to imply the same thing and they’re all there.

It is revealed later on that, like the rest of the team star members, Penny was bullied relentlessly. It got so bad that she eventually just shut herself inside and never left the house. This isolation was so intense that up until the end of the Starfall Street story, none of her closest friends (the team star bosses) ever saw her real face. This isn’t the strongest bit of evidence but we’re never given a particular reason like we did with Eri or Atticus, so it’s in no way out of the question that the bullying could’ve been transphobic in nature.

Ortega’s Tutor (the director of the academy before Clavell took over) refers to the “Big Boss” (AKA Penny) as a he before sending her back to Galar as “punishment” for 1.5 years. Now this could just be a mistake on the devs’ part, but that seems like it gives us a rough timeline of eggcrackery, intentional misgendering (which seems out of character for the guy), or it could simply be that he had never met Penny due to the aforementioned social isolation and based it off of the student database which in my experience rarely updates this kind of stuff.

Nemona doesn’t recognise her. I repeat, NEMONA doesn’t recognise her. The most extroverted of extroverts, the super popular girl who’s on the student council and could probably look at the student database if she wanted to, the girl who has been at the school for AT LEAST two years for the simple reason that the events of the main story is not her first treasure hunt does not know this girl despite her being there before. There are many ways someone could write this off, including the aforementioned social isolation and her not knowing too much about team star in general but that is still really weird considering that this is NEMONA that we’re talking about. This could easily be supporting evidence for her transition over the 1.5 years in Galar.

And let’s say you’re still not convinced and you think she’s cis. That’s fucking fine. Nobody is going to judge you for that. But don’t be a piece of garbage and get mad at someone for headcanoning her as trans. To me and many others, she’s a genuinely cool trans character that doesn’t shove that fact in your face. Seriously, anyone who does this (btw if any of you TERFs stayed up to here, thank you but why?). Y’all get mad that “The media shoves trans shit in my face” then when there’s a character who either isn’t trans but resonates with trans audiences or is more subtle about their identity you get angry when anyone calls them trans. It’s very contradictory and I dare say hypocritical.

[mikimeiko]

Okay, so, I just wanted to talk about how episode 07 and 08 of Our Flag Means Death are two beautiful companion pieces about Stede's and Ed's fear of losing each other.

(It's a long one, so it goes under the cut)

In episode 07 we literally start the episode with this:

(Which, anyway, weird choice? Given that the ENTIRE PLOT of the previous episode depended on the fact that Izzy wanted to get rid of Stede and Blackbeard... didn't? We COULD theorize that the moment in the bathtub was emotionally too overwhelming for Ed, and now he's trying to regain his sense of self by separating himself from Stede but THIS THEORY IS NOT SUPPORTED IN ANY WAY BY THE TEXT. The text right now is quite literally: Ed is bored, again. And if they meant to thematically link this with what happens in the next episode I don't think they made a good job? But I digress.)

Stede was NOT EXPECTING THIS. He's a little annoyed at first and then he panics. He tries to find a solution:

And the solution he finds it's the treasure map, which understandably doesn't really work for Blackbeard. He's not mean about it, just... uninterested.

But Stede IS ON A MISSION. Uninterested Blackbeard is a Blackbeard which is still going to leave because boredom, so he puts his foot down:

The way Stede's goes on about it is quite interesting, because it's something that's supposed to appeal to Ed's adventurous side, but it's still very Stede-ish in concept and execution: the boyish, impossible fantasy of a treasure map, the overtly walking around other people while consulting a treasure map, the nerdish delight in finding a rare moth. Ed is having a little fun, at times, but he doesn't fully get on board until Lucius spells out what's happening for him:

This advice comes at just the right time. Ed start responding to Stede's quest for what it really is (an offer to stay, a gesture of friendship and love) and by the end of the day he ACCEPTS THE POSSIBILITY OF BEING STEDE'S CO-CAPTAIN (mind you, just the possibility. They don't in fact become co-captains. Stede's makes it very clear at the end of the next episode).

Episode 08 has an external threat coming in to steal Ed from Stede, and in the beginning it seems like it is once again going to play on Stede's fear of being abandoned by Ed, but then this happens:

After some displays of jealousy, Stede seems to be mostly... annoyed. And then he says this:

And it's not neutral, it's not uninterested like Ed was with the treasure map. It's a disappointed, passive aggressive stance. YOU are not what I want; YOU are not being the person I like. And what is Blackbeard's response?

He doubles down. Ah, you don't like me like this? But this is me. I never said this wasn't me. The fuck do you want?

And we don't fully realize the impact this had until he decides to leave with Jack:

iBecause the reason, at least one of the reasons, Ed leaves is because Stede HAS rejected him. And, well, he AGREES. He is not what Stede think he is, he is not a fine thing, he is brutal, and broken and a monster, and the thought that Stede might leave (leave for real, not just leave for the ship) is just TOO MUCH. And so he is the one that does the leaving. As a preventative measure.

Once again is Lucius who plants the seed that brings him back:

And then of course we have the best scene in the history of television, with the looks, and the song, and the arrest, and "you came back!" "never left", and the wink, and THE BOOT.

But I do find it interesting how this two episodes that are basically about the same thing (DON'T LEAVE!) play out so differently. And I think it has to do with a number of things:

- first, we have Stede and Blackbeard life experience. Stede grew up being rejected by his society for the way he is, and he has this double outlook of "yeah, i'm a lily-livered little rich boy who doesn't deserves anything" combined with an unapologetical way of just being his weird self consequences be damned. He's like "well, no one is going to like me anyway so i might as well do what i want" though I don't think he is very self aware about it. Blackbeard is kinda the opposite: he has constructed this persona which is very well liked and respected and feared, basically he's just very cool and he knows that works well with most people; and underneath that there's the self loathing and the absolut, terrifying belief that he is a monster undeserving of love. (But, as I said, is underneath. Hidden. Never to be exposed).

- in parallel to this there's the fact that Stede, while openly talking about the importance of communication, is NOT A VERY GOOD listener/observer (as @omgsomeonesomewhereonearth pointed out in this post) and seems a bit oblivious to points of view diverging from his own. Ed on the opposite seems very keen on reading "the room" (look at how he is confused and panicked when he realizes that he DIDN'T correctly read the atmosphere at the fancy party; or how he handles Izzy's frustration in the end of the fourth episode) and maaaaybe just a tad prone to over-interpret what others are thinking (this skillset was probably very useful in constructing his succesful public persona, but it has been practised mostly on people very different from Stede, which is why Ed can't always read him very well).

-then there's the way the threat of abandonment comes: in Stede's case Ed is bored, but this is an Ed trait and he knows it, so while of course there's an undercurrent of "I am not interesting enough" there's also THINGS THAT CAN BE DONE about it. Stede tries to keep Ed entertained, but since he mostly understands adventurous types through his own fantastic lense fails kind of spectacularly to choose the right thing (it's Lucius who saves the day). But in Ed's case? Stede threatens to leave because he's seeing a Blackbeard he doesn't like; he says "I'll go away because I don't wanna see you like this". What could Ed do when confronted with this? Especially from the person with whom up until now he felt safe just being himself? (and I'd like to point out here that I don't think soft Ed is THE REAL Ed. I think soft Ed is a very real part of him that hasn't had any space to explore until now, but all the parts that make up Blackbeard are still part of the real Ed; and up until this episode, THIS HAS BEEN OK FOR STEDE). So of course the answer is: this is who I am and if you don't like it well, that's your problem. But mixed with the underlying self loathing, it becomes: you wouldn't have wanted me if you knew me, so I'm gonna leave before you realize it and break my heart. (And this is why I think that Lucius saying to him "he really liked you, you know?" it's the seed that lets Ed break away from Jack, announce "He's my friend!" and go back to the ship).

On an ending note, I love that this two episodes came right before the one with the kiss, because in exploring their feelings about the other one leaving they very likely came closer to realize how they felt for each other. But it's also very interesting to see the way these two played out in comparison to everything that happened after the kiss. (Including the fact that it was Ed who received all the insight from Lucius, while Stede remained blissfully unaware of many things - including I think the effect of his "I'm going back to the ship" on Edward).

[violetevents]

you were meant for me

pairing: stede/blackbeard word count: 800+ a/n: hi yes i too watched our flag means death and now i’m obsessed with it. anyway here’s my contribution to the fandom in the form of soulmate fic! warning: follows the events of the show and thus does not have the happiest of endings.  tw: mentions the death of edward’s father

Edward Teach believes in soulmates.

At eight years old, he watches his father twirl his mother through the kitchen, laughing together, and realizes what they have is special.

He doesn’t have his tattoo yet, the one that will lead him to his soulmate. He won’t for another few years, but he doesn’t care. Knowing that one day he too will look at someone the way his father looks at his mother, is enough.

At ten years old, his father loses his job. He hears them talking about it in the kitchen, his mother whispering reassurances that never really seem to reach his father’s ears.

At eleven years old, the drinking starts.

At twelve years old, the abuse.

At sixteen years old, Edward wraps a rope around his father’s neck and then disappears on a ship, leaving his mother and his old life behind. His tattoo has long since appeared on his bicep, but he barely acknowledges it, though he does see the irony of the tattoo. It’s a lighthouse, traditionally seen as a beacon of hope. He merely scoffs at it.

Edward Teach believed in soulmates. The fearsome and notorious pirate Blackbeard does not.

So he covers the tattoo up by adding more and more, making the difference between his soulmate tattoo and his other tattoos indiscernible. In a world where your soulmate tattoo is sacred, is special, is singular, it is a statement. Blackbeard does not care about love, will never care about love.

Izzy asks him about his tattoo once, and only once. He doesn’t dare to, after. No one does.

And so Blackbeard builds his life on the sea, consisting of bloodshed and pain, and refuses to acknowledge the tattoo on his arm, refuses to acknowledge the implications.

Years go by, and Blackbeard finds himself getting bored. Bored of the same thing over and over again, bored of people already surrendering himself before he even steps foot on their ships, bored of the endless raids and bloodshed.

So when Stede Bonnet comes around, he’s fascinated. The man’s different from anyone he’s ever met in years. He convinces himself that’s why he feels so attracted to him. That it’s just the library, and the fireplace on a wooden ship, and the secret wardrobe, rather than the butterflies in his stomach and the tingling of his soulmate tattoo.

It becomes a lot harder to pretend when he notices Stede’s soulmate tattoo. It’s right there. On his bicep, the exact same placement as Ed’s. He sees it when he helps Stede dress his wounds. A ship, much like the one they’re currently residing on. Ships, traditionally, are guided by lighthouses. Ed rubs the place of his own soulmate tattoo, and then sternly tells himself to stop being so ridiculous.

But then Stede pulls out the Lighthouse painting. “I should have been one for my family,” he says, “guide them.”

Ed, who at that point is pretty sure they’re going to die at the hands of the Spanish, all because he indulged in a fucking crush merely scoffs at this. “Well, technically, you’re supposed to avoid lighthouses, so you don’t crack up on the rocks.”

He’s not sure if he’s talking about an actual ship or about Stede, crashing into the mess that’s Ed.

Yet he can’t help but indulge himself, and so he stays. For the fancy party, and the fuckery, and the treasure hunt.

But then Calico Jack arrives, and everything goes to shit. Ed’s reminded of why they would never work, and then decides that no, fuck it, he’s going to fight for what he wants. Even if that means giving up all he’s built for himself.

He’s going to be Edward Teach again, and he’s going to believe in soulmates.

He hasn’t told Stede yet, about what he suspects. About how they’re meant to be together. He almost does, sitting on top of that rock, but then he finds himself leaning forward and kissing Stede and he forgets all about it. He’s too excited about the idea of running away together.

Besides, now, now they’ve decided to choose each other, he has all the time in the world to tell him.

Except, he doesn’t. Instead he finds himself rowing back to The Revenge alone. He’d love to say he’s surprised by this turn of events, but truly he isn’t. He was right all along. Someone like him isn’t meant for love, for soulmates. Stede was right to get away when he still could.

Doesn’t mean it hurts any less. He tries to be good, like Stede taught him, lets Lucius console him in his pillow fort, sings a song with the crew. He tries, he really does. But when he talks to Izzy, something in him breaks. Because Izzy is right. He is Blackbeard, and Blackbeard does not spend time frolicking around ships in silk gowns. Blackbeard doesn’t have talent shows with his crew. And most importantly of all, Blackbeard does not believe in soulmates.

He uses the last of the face paint to cover up his tattoo. Just adding other ones no longer feels like enough. He wants it gone, just like Stede apparently wanted him gone.

(He keeps the lighthouse painting, though. It’s a nice reminder of the things he thought he could have, and why he can never have them.)

[cuculine-nelipot]

Ed’s “Sacrifice”

I’ve been thinking a lot about the last two episodes of Our Flag Means Death. One thing that’s seems undisputed is that when Ed invokes the act of grace and joins the navy, he’s making a sacrifice for Stede. I want to interrogate that a little because it seems to me that Ed remains consistently self-serving to the very end. 

First, we have to look at what Ed wants: Novelty. He repeatedly talks about or shows how bored he is with life, how he wants something new and exciting. From the very first, before they even meet, he looks to Stede as a beacon of hope; something new and unexpected. We know he first became interested in meeting Stede because he bested Izzy on that island in episode 2. Izzy’s a highly skilled swordsman, a good strategist, Blackbeard’s righthand man, and some random guy no one’s heard of outwits him. Ed’s interest is piqued. He becomes more intent on meeting him after Stede rejects an audience with Blackbeard (unknowingly, but Ed doesn’t know that). Why? Because Ed’s used to getting his way, he’s used to people being afraid of him, and bending to his will. We see this when he snaps at the crew in e4, and when he talks about how boring pirating has become because people see him and surrender immediately, and in e6 we see just how true that is during the fuckery. 

When he does meet Stede, the latter provides Ed with progressively more novel experiences. He isn’t anyone’s idea of a pirate, he wears fancy clothes, his ship is an elegant but deeply impractical cabinet of curiosities; he gives Ed marmalade and introduces him to high society and, perhaps most significantly, he tries to make Ed happy. Unlike everyone else he doesn’t do it because he’s scared of Blackbeard, or because Blackbeard gave him and order, he does it because he wants to, and that in itself is a novel experience for Ed. In e7, Ed is an impatient, unwilling participant in Stede’s treasure hunt right up until Lucius tells him that he’s doing it for Ed, because he likes Ed. I’d wager that being liked is a novel idea for Ed too - he’s used to Blackbeard being feared and respected, and he gets on with other pirates like Jack well enough, but I don’t think he’s experienced someone really liking him before.  The idea that someone’s doing something for him just because they want you inspires the first act of reciprocity we see from Ed; he immediately becomes more enthusiastic about the treasure hunt, almost assuming the role of an indulgent (albeit, humorously patronising) caregiver. However, he remains entirely uninterested in the material objective of the hunt; he’s just thrilled that the primary goal is his happiness. That he makes Stede happy by being happy himself is, I think, still secondary - more of a happy coincidence than anything else. But it does introduce him to the idea of caring about someone other than himself - yet another novel experience, and one he becomes increasingly invested in.  Which brings me, finally, to the notion of Ed’s sacrifice. What is meant to be sacrificing, exactly? His life of piracy? He’s bored of that, he wants something else, he says so time and time again. One could argue that when he invokes the act of grace and joins the navy, he  sacrifices his own death. If we recall, he is momentarily taken with the idea of death as an escape from his boredom in e4. But he gets exactly what he’s wanted from the very beginning anyway; a new life, new experiences, to not know what’s coming next. He says as much when he and Stede are on the beach; in saving Stede he saved himself too. If he sacrifices anything for Stede, it’s his future in the navy; he had no plans to escape, they kiss, he decides to escape - ostensibly because Stede wants to. However, as shown above, Stede is Ed’s greatest novelty. He doesn’t plan their escape merely because Stede desired it, he plans it so that they can continue to be together, experiencing new things. It’s not a selfless act.  This, I think, is why Stede’s betrayal in e9 hits him so hard; after so much “sacrifice” he has gained nothing, he’s right back to where he started: an outlaw with a boat, his greatest escape from mundanity gone. 

[mashmallow]

[especially her ] — park jihoon (treasure)

wc : somewhere around 1k

genre : angst - fluff? - cat&mouse type of relationship

warning : female reader insert x mentions of toxic friends, behaviour, falling out between friends, rejection, dialogue heavy, cringe?

************

“anyone.. but her”

the words were seared into his brain and rung like a morning alarm anytime he’d lay his eyes on said person he was told to stay away from. the arguments on why were pieced together day by day – depending on who or when one feels like telling him.

but anything to prevent anything inkling to a disaster right?

“you know red flags exist for a reason right?” y/n had her chin rested on the back of her fingers as she looked down for the nth time to be able to harvest her two cents for the assignment given a few days prior. she’d been the last to be picked.

and who’s to say it was done willingly?

“you’re warning me about yourself?”

she scoffed, “i’m pretty sure i didn’t have to break a sweat over it.” her eyes flicked behind jihoon for a split second, “i think that’s my cue.”

“did you at least get out of it?” he interrupted her departure, gesturing to the page she held open in his presence.

“i’ll just.. sum up some things.” she knew the looks she’d get for her poor attempt of gathering information and she also knew they wouldn’t listen to her struggles at latching onto a topic – unless it piqued her interests. after all, she ended up in college one way or another right?

“you’ve been on the same page with only two lines of notes before i even got here, are you sure?”

“stalker much?” he wasn’t given a chance to retaliate for she’d turned around and left before his friends could reach him.

kicked out before banned

it would’ve been absurd to start disliking someone without previous interactions whatsoever. in fact, jihoon’s friends had known about his growing crush for longer than the feud they had going on.

they’d all been friends up until they’d shown a side that’d been at a disadvantage to y/n and her only.

“how come you stopped waiting for me outside of my class? have you become heartless? where’s your emotion?”

y/n was laughing soundlessly as jihoon whined her ear off, “you wouldn’t want me to become overemotional do you?”

“you’re still on about it..”

“of course i am park jihoon! my feelings weren’t taken into consideration just because i couldn’t take a joke or two?”

“that’s how junhee is anyway.”

“it’s nice to know he’d never taken me seriously.” a sarcastic laugh bubbled its way out, accompanied by a shake of her head.

he knew he wanted to comfort her, but the way it came out wasn’t portraying what his heart wanted to, “you could’ve talked it over, things would’ve been different.” y/n sighed, wobbled over the tree roots before taking a seat on one.

“i’m sure junhee laughed at my breakdown, he let the others talk for him.” and then she started sniffling, “chae comforted me, only to stab me in the back.. ian tried playing my therapist.. saying i needed therapy. all while you were offline..”

all traces of jihoon’s crush were erased and a new picture of her was painted for him, ‘plaqued’ as protecting the innocent from the evil. he’d been told she left after the fallout as he couldn’t know why y/n was kicked out and banned.

a date

“i’m not going.”

“give her a chance, she’s had an eye on you for a couple of weeks now, you won’t regret it.”

“i already am.”

“dude..,” junhee rubbed the bridge of his nose, “you’re going to have to move on some day, now’s a chance.”

“as if my feelings for y/n are nothing?” junhee sighed again. “i can’t.. stand her anymore”

“then don’t.”

there was a slam of a door before silence clogged up the apartment. the promise of a blind date still awkwardly hanging in the air as the girl set up for it hadn’t known of jihoon’s refusal.

**

“why am i getting dressed.. on a wednesday..?”

“i want to take you out.”

“all of a sudden?”

“it’ll be important.”

and for some reason, y/n had felt like dressing up a little. who’d even go out on a cold day, in the middle of a week?

jihoon had in fact chosen to go to the meetup spot, but with his mind made up and heart where it should be. hopefully.

it had to be that way

“jihoon! you made it!!” he’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel guilty seeing his supposed date going out of her way to look great, yet it wasn’t her fault to reach that point. she’d been set up for failure just to cover up what others refused to witness.

“unfortunately.. not in the way you would’ve liked..” his heart was heavy. more so upon seeing the deflated look on her face when her eyes followed little movement behind him.

“jihoon what’s going on?!” came from y/n behind him, shivering in her boots.

"i like someone.. i like someone named y/n. my friends knew—"

"jihoon what—"

"my friends have known how i feel about her. and then they end up pushing her away for wanting to be treated right. they ended up pushing her away even more, because they want me to be with anyone that isn't her. they wanted me to stay away for the sake of my sanity.. but i couldn't. not when people aren't prepared to take on the challenges she presents.. but it's not like she asked for it."

by that point, y/n's hand fell out of jihoon's. but not before he quickly reclaimed it.

"i'm sorry you've been lied to."

leaving the situation was an awkward mess and y/n couldn't or didn't want to look away from the one jihoon had just rejected. for her.

"you. are. so.. mean!! why did you have me tag along just to let her down!"

"is that your way of confessing? do i need to spill my heart out some more?"

"in your dreams park!"

"you're always there anyway," he winked.

"creep," she mumbled, before jihoon feigned being hurt.

"you wound me, i thought i'd at least get a kiss—" at the mention of some intimacy, he'd received a push as y/n staggered off ahead of him, refusing to display an affection she was too shy for.

but who said he wouldn't get what he wanted anytime soon?

************

tagging : @illyzo @rutowonz @ravenori @deobienthusiast

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt: Baxia and NHS.

Author’s note: this fic ended up having virtually no NHS, sorry

-

“This isn’t right,” Wei Wuxian said. “This isn’t how it should go – you’re not even supposed to be here!”

Nie Mingjue huffed, resisting the urge to roll his eyes only because he needed them pinned on the murderous battlefield the Lotus Pier had become. “No one can predict the future,” he said shortly, and stepped out into the hallway, Baxia lifted high, and another four Wen soldiers’ lives came to an end. “To think that you can is arrogance.”

“You don’t understand,” Wei Wuxian insisted, and honestly, if he hadn’t made himself extremely useful both as guide and back-up, Nie Mingjue would have sent him away long ago to spare himself the headache. “It’s not – you might die here.”

He sounded upset about that. It was flattering, given that they’d never spent any time together before now; he must be basing his impression entirely on Nie Mingjue’s reputation.

Flattered or not, Nie Mingjue still wasn’t very impressed right now. “That’s a risk you take when you fight, yes. Don’t blame yourself – there was no way to predict when the Wens were going to attack, or where; they could have just as easily have come to Qinghe.”

“They wouldn’t have been able to get close,” Wei Wuxian muttered, and that was flattering, too. “It’s just – it’s too early. We should have had another few months!”

Nie Mingjue wasn’t aware the Jiang sect had been taking the threat of Wen aggression so seriously that they’d been making estimates, but it was all for the best. 

Maybe it would help them in the war to come.

“Anyone who says they can see the future is being lied to,” he said. “Man plans and the Heavens overturn; that is the way of things. Anyway, you’re not wrong: it probably would have been later, should have been later, but they were robbed of their victory at the Cloud Recesses. There’s no satisfaction in burning empty buildings with all the treasures and people gone, no victory in it – it’s no wonder they accelerated.”

Wei Wuxian looked stricken by the thought.

“Cheer up,” Nie Mingjue said. “The Jiang sect will survive. That will be bad news for the Wens.”

Jiang Fengmian might be mild-mannered to the point of weakness, but he was an excellent cultivator, and of course Madame Yu’s fearsome reputation had been well earned. After this, they would have no choice but to be on the front lines.

“But you might not,” Wei Wuxian said again.

“A worthwhile trade,” Nie Mingjue said, and shrugged when Wei Wuxian gawked at him. “Haven’t you noticed that they’re following us? Dozens if not hundreds of Jiang sect cultivators that might otherwise have been put to the sword will be able to escape, and between all those lives and one, even my own, which one do you think will be more useful in winning the war?”

“You,” Wei Wuxian said. “You and your Nie sect, holding down Heijan like an iron wall for the Wen sect to waste its strength against.”

Was Wei Wuxian a fan?

Bizarre.

“I appreciate your confidence in my necessity,” he said, and ducked into another small nook when a group of Wen soldiers too large to easily handle ran by. The momentary rest was welcome. “And if it makes you feel better, they’re not aiming to kill me.”

“They’re not?” Wei Wuxian asked, appearing like a ghost in front of one of the sentries to slit his throat. He was surprisingly adept in the arts of warring in confined spaces, the ambush and the merciless kill; it almost made one wonder what purpose the Jiang sect had for him.

“With these numbers, if they wanted us dead, we’d be dead,” Nie Mingjue said. They’d lasted a good while longer than he’d expected, actually, a tribute to Wei Wuxian knowing how to get through the Lotus Pier in a thousand unexpected ways and their united strength, but even that was flagging: he had cuts and bruises in a hundred places, some more critical than others, and Wei Wuxian for all his pointless complaining wasn’t doing that great either. Perhaps his nattering was his way of distracting himself from their imminent fate. “I’ve humiliated Wen Xu before. Wen Chao wouldn’t be able to resist the thought of capturing me – and when he does, it’ll be the Core-Melting Hand.”

A sharp intake of air.

“Are you sure? I can understanding wanting to take you prisoner, but…”

“If he doesn’t think of it himself, I’ll make sure he does,” Nie Mingjue said, and ignored how Baxia grew warm with rage in his hand. He flipped back his sleeve and dipping his fingers into the blood seeping out of wound in his chest – an arrow that had come too close – and began drawing on his right hand with his left. “There are worse fates out there.”

“But –”

“Normal people die faster,” Nie Mingjue said, choosing the least traumatic of the possible reasons. Wei Wuxian was young; he didn’t need to know the worst of Wen Ruohan’s wretchedness. Nie Mingjue’s cultivation was too high and too compatible with Wen Ruohan’s own: his fate, if he were to go to the Nightless City intact, would not be so easy as death. He was counting on Wen Chao not knowing anything about his father’s most vile preferences, or possibly just being too stupid to think about them. “That’ll be an advantage. But more importantly, losing my cultivation renders me immediately ineligible to be Sect Leader, and my value as a hostage will be significantly reduced.”

Wei Wuxian looked shaken by Nie Mingjue’s practicality. He shook his head, trying to clear it, and then focused again, this time on the bloody array making its way up Nie Mingjue’s arm to the elbow and down to the backs of his fingers. “What are you doing?”

“A legacy,” Nie Mingjue said, even as Baxia screamed in his mind like metal scraping against stone. “For my brother. He’ll need all the help he can get…speaking of which, it’s time for you to go.”

“What?”

“The Wen sect isn’t looking for you, however much you irritated Wen Chao,” Nie Mingjue said. “It’s always been my plan to ensure you got away clearly before I was captured – and it’s nearly time, now. No man can fight an army alone.”

His body burned, exhausted and worn out from the hours of fighting; he’d done as much as he could, and everything else left in him was for Huaisang, who deserved better than to be made Sect Leader too young the way Nie Mingjue had. He had hoped to spare him that, but if he couldn’t do that much – he could at least do this one thing.

This one terrible thing, forbidden by his ancestors, abominable anathema – but there was little Nie Mingjue would not do for his brother, and he had faith even if he had no hope.  

Baxia was fighting him over it, resistant and rebellious in a way she hadn’t been since the first time he’d mastered her – the first time he imposed his will on hers, making the inexorable bend before him. They had been partners after that, and that was how he preferred it; but in the end he was the master, as it had to be, and she could not stop him.

“You should go,” he said again to Wei Wuxian. “If you get caught, what’s the point?”

Wei Wuxian’s hands were shaking, but he nodded. “I’m sorry,” he said, as if he were responsible for this somehow. “Thank you.”

And then he was gone.

What a ridiculous young man.

Baxia was biting him, causing his palm to bleed, trying to mess up his design – urging him to fight instead, to fight kill slaughter a way out, any way out.

“I’ll try,” he yielded enough to promise her. He needed to stay on her good side, after all; the array wouldn’t work without her. “I’ll give it a try, with all my strength.”

He did.

It wasn’t enough.

No man can fight an army.

In the end, he’s forced down on his knees, as he’d expected, Wen Chao standing in front of him at a more-than-sufficient distance as if he was afraid Nie Mingjue would leap up and stab him even with four people and suppression array fierce enough to bring down a ghost general holding him down.

He was probably right.

“You’re a coward,” he told him, and Wen Chao laughed nervously. “A coward, and a fool.”

“Well, he caught you, didn’t he?” Wang Lingjiao snapped, her voice shrill with nervousness, and a single glare was enough to have her cowering backwards. “He did! Wen-er-gongzi, you’re a hero!”

No one believed her, not even Wen Chao, but with an effort he puffed himself up anyway. “You shouldn’t have stood against my Wen sect,” he said, aiming for lofty and mostly coming off as cheap. “This is a just punishment.”

The Wen sect would paint the ground blue and the sky green if it got them what they wanted, and Nie Mingjue snorted in disgust, closing his eyes for a moment to find the trigger for the array painted onto his saber arm.

It burned.

Baxia, kicked across the room to get her away from him, seethed. Still not assuaged, still unhappy, still rebellious – but he did try to escape. It wasn’t his fault that he was only human.

It burned.

“Wen Zhuliu,” Wen Chao ordered, as Nie Mingjue knew that he would. “Let’s see how the esteemed Sect Leader Nie likes it when there’s nothing left of his oh-so-great cultivation. When he’s nothing.”

It burned.

Nie Mingjue smiled through the pain, baring his teeth at the cautious approach of Wen Zhuliu. “No matter what I am,” he said, “I am enough to terrify your nightmares.”

“Not for long,” Wen Chao shouted, which was admission enough. “Wen Zhuliu! Do it!”

Nie Mingjue’s cultivation was usually like a mighty river, rushing through his veins – to feel it spill out of order, pouring out of his body and into the array in his arm, was painful to the extreme, like bleeding out but worse. But it had been long enough, he had distracted them long enough.

Nie Mingjue hoped that it would be enough. 

By the time Wen Zhuliu put his hand on his shoulder, reaching down for his dantian, the river had become little more than a trickle.

Wen Zhuliu’s stone face cracked in two.

“What? What is it?” Wen Chao demanded, realizing something was wrong from the look on his retainer’s face. “What did the bastard do?!”

“I don’t know,” Wen Zhuliu said slowly. “But – his cultivation. There’s almost nothing left of it, and his meridians are all burned and twisted…his golden core is faint enough to be almost hollow.”

“That’s impossible,” Wen Chao scoffed. “Everyone knows how powerful Sect Leader Nie is! Even my father…what did he do? How did he – why did he –?”

He stopped, shook his head.

“It’s a trick,” he decided. “Do it anyway. I want to make sure there’s nothing left of him –”

There was a scream.

It sounded like metal against stone, harsh and ringing and shrill; it sounded like rage.

It sounded like hope.

Nie Mingjue smiled, a real smile his time, and shut his eyes.

Everyone else in the room turned to look.

It was the last mistake they made.

Nie Mingjue only opened his eyes again when a hand landed on his shoulder and fiercely shook him as if he were a disobedient kitten, and when he opened his eyes there was a woman glaring death down at him. She was tall, her features more fierce than beautiful, and she was dressed only in blood and guts.

“I knew you’d be lovely,” he said.

She smacked him in the face, hard enough that his head was ringing, and snarled wordlessly at him. There was nothing but rage in her face, in her eyes; the array he had used to give her every ounce of the cultivation he had built up for years, and most of his life-force besides, was forbidden for a reason – it would unleash something terrible into the world.

Something that knew no restraint, no mercy, only the desire to kill –

Well, in theory.

A small smack on the head was very much the least that Baxia could do.

“You’ll take care of Huaisang, won’t you?” he asked her, the remnants of his qi lurching unsteadily within him; he would have a qi deviation sooner rather than later as his body attempted to cultivate at its usual rate with virtually none of the spiritual energy required to do so, and his family did not have a good track record of surviving those – though he’ll be the first of his line to die from exhaustion rather than rage. “He’ll need someone strong by his side, to do for him what needs to be done…to tell him what evil is, in case he can’t figure it out on his own.”

“I don’t think that’s a problem Nie Huaisang has, actually; you’d be surprised,” said Wei Wuxian, who Nie Mingjue had entirely forgotten about, the sound of his voice a sudden shock of surprise.

He jumping down from some rafter where he’d been hiding – planning some sort of insane rescue, perhaps, or maybe just trying to bear witness. He had a flute clutched in his hands, of all things; Nie Mingjue hadn’t even known that he cultivated with music as well as the sword.

“Also,” he added conversationally, “what the fuck was that.”

Baxia hissed at him, a sound like the slow slide of a saber out of its sheath.

Wei Wuxian wisely took several large steps back.

“Sect Leader Nie,” he said, voice suddenly much more polite. “Forgive me my surprise, but – your saber just cultivated into a guai.”

“I wasn’t expecting her to get there this quickly,” Nie Mingjue said, nodding. “I’d been counting on them taking her back to the Nightless City…”

“Where she’d be able to use the resentful energy to cultivate into a guai, and therefore act as a weapon against the Wen from the inside,” Wei Wuxian said, nodding. He was really very clever, figuring out that Nie sect sabers could use resentful energy like that, in a way humans could not. Or, well, should not. “Except she really, really wanted to kill everyone here before they hurt you, so she did it faster.”

Baxia hissed again.

“What?” Wei Wuxian said, lifting up his flute defensively. “Am I wrong?”

She jabbed a finger at Nie Mingjue, who swayed a bit from the sheer force of it even though she hadn’t put any spiritual energy into it. So much saber qi…! Guai were truly different from humans.

“I don’t know what you want – fuck. You look terrible, Chifeng-zun.”

“That would be the blood loss,” Nie Mingjue agreed. “Possibly the impending qi deviation. Hard to tell, really…what?” he asked, seeing the expression on Wei Wuxian’s face. “You didn’t think this type of array is something you’re supposed to survive, did you?”

“But you’re not angry!” Wei Wuxian exclaimed, already reaching out to start transferring spiritual energy into him. It wouldn’t be enough. “You’re not – you’re empty.”

Nie Mingjue nodded.

“You gave her everything you had…no wonder she was able to cultivate into humanity,” Wei Wuxian said, and there it was again, that ridiculous admiration. “Mistress Saber, is the only thing wrong with him the lack of qi?”

Baxia jerked her head. If Nie Mingjue lived as something other than a comatose vegetable, he’d have to teach her to properly talk, assuming that guai were capable of that. They weren’t like yao, which had once been animals or plants and familiar with the generalities of things such as eating or breathing; guai were formed from the non-living, and had never known such simple things as mere words.

He missed their connection.

If he had any qi left, he would be able to figure out what she was thinking behind that flat expressionless face that had not yet figured out how to convey anything other than rage.

If he wasn’t going to die, he’d get to see the terrible, wonderful things she would do at his little brother’s side – he’d have to be sect leader now, yes, but he wouldn’t need to change himself, contort himself into something he wasn’t, to have the strength to hold it.

He would have liked to have seen it.

“Chifeng-zun? I know something that might help stop the bleed of your qi. But it’s…unorthodox.”

Nie Mingjue waved a hand, consenting; the alternative was death, so why not?

Wei Wuxian lifted his flute to his lips and began to play.

-

Much later, Nie Mingjue wakes up in the Unclean Realm, Nie Huaisang at his side and Baxia having apparently learned to properly scowl, and – yes.

No matter any of Wei Wuxian’s complaints, it was a worthwhile trade.

[icharchivist]

A3 x Sleeping at Last

I have a fondness for the musician Sleeping at Last and i decided to have fun associating at least one of his song per A3 Characters. Under the cut are songs as well as some highlight lyrics to justify my choice. Some of them i feel more strongly than others so anyone with a comment is welcomed as well.

Thus here i go:

& Spotify playlist of all those songs in order if you want to go through it

Mankai Company : North

We will call this place our home, The dirt in which our roots may grow. Though the storms will push and pull, We will call this place our home. We’ll tell our stories on these walls. Every year, measure how tall. And just like a work of art, We’ll tell our stories on these walls. Let the years we’re here be kind, be kind. Let our hearts, like doors, open wide, open wide. Settle our bones like wood over time, over time. Give us bread, give us salt, give us wine.

Spring Troupe: From The Ground Up

It took me 27 years to wrap my head around this- To brush the ashes off of everything i love. Where courage was contagious, confidence was key. Right as rain, soft as snow, It grows and grows and grows, Our home sweet home.

We'll try to document this light, With cameras to our eyes, In an effort to remember What being mended feels like.

We're home sweet home.

Sakuya Sakuma : The Projectionist

When I was young I fell in love with story, With the eleventh hour, with the blaze of glory.

When hands are tied and clocks are ticking An audience convinced, we're leaning in, holding our breath again Just when we thought the game was over The music lifts and our dying soldier lives And we breathe a sigh of relief The theater lights dim and all goes quiet. In the darkest of rooms, light shines the brightest.

We’re leaving, we’re leaving our shadows behind us now. We’re leaving, we’re leaving it all behind for now. But even dust was made to settle And if we’re made of dust, then what makes us any different? I guess we give what we’ve been given: A family tree so very good at giving up When we’ve had enough. Though truth is heavier than fiction, Gravity lifts as the projectionist rolls tape. And it makes us brave again

Masumi Usui : Venus

At first I thought you were a constellation. I made a map of your stars, then I had a revelation: You’re as beautiful as endless, You’re the universe I’m helpless in. An astronomer at my best When I throw away the measurements.

I was a billion little pieces 'til you pulled me into focus. Astronomy in reverse, It was me who was discovered.

Tsuzuru Minagi : Page 28

Have you read the script? Could you picture it? ... is it worth the risk?

Here in the second act I'm living in repair. Strange how the heart adapts when its pieces disappear. And there, on page 28, I'm so tired of drying glue, I begin my grand attempt at building something new. Though I tend to write the epiphany more immediately, I guess I'm trusting that there's such a thing as elegance in dissonance. God, I'm skeptical of pulling scenes. Was it something that I said? was it something that I did? Please don't get me wrong - I still need your help As history repeats itself Here in the aftermath, I'm pulling at the seams. Strange how the heart adapts in the absence of routine. And there, on page 29, I find “new” and make it mine. But I can't help casting shadows on all I leave behind. Maybe I could afford to change a bit... Even let go of the reigns? Every torn out page was worth the risk Now that the stakes have been raised. So here in the final draft, I've given all I have. Strange how the heart expands in the absence of a plan. There's nothing left on the page, but I'm okay with that, For I found my resolution Was designed for stronger hands.

 or Body

There's magic in our bones, A north star in our soul That remembers our way home. There's magic in our bones. No, I don't have a script for this. But I know the right words exist Somewhere, And I just need more time. I know, I know, I'm asking for the moon, But I must listen to intuition Believe me, I only want what's right.

Itaru Chigasaki : Pluto

I woke up from the same dream: Falling backwards, falling backwards ’Til it turned me inside out. Now I live a waking life Of looking backwards, looking backwards; A model citizen of doubt. Until one day I had enough Of this exercise of trust. I leaned in and let it hurt, And let my body feel the dirt. When I break pattern, I break ground. I rebuild when I break down. I wake up more awake than I’ve ever been before. Still I’m pinned under the weight Of what I believed would keep me safe. So show me where my armor ends, Show me where my skin begins. Like a final puzzle piece It all makes perfect sense to me… The heaviness that I hold in my heart belongs to gravity. The heaviness that I hold in my heart’s been crushing me.

Or  East

I set out to rule the world With only a paper shield and a wooden sword. No mountain dare stand in my way, Even the oceans tremble in my wake. The tide is brave, but always retreats. Even the sand, it cowers under my feet. My kingdom towers above it all, While I sleep safe and sound in my cardboard walls. Now I bear little resemblance to the king I once was. I bear little resemblance to the king I could become. Maybe paper is paper, maybe kids will be kids- Lord, I want to remember how to feel like I did. So I draw my sword with the morning sun, I summon the moon as soon as the day is done. The clouds march on, on my command. Even the rain, it falls according to plan. The trees bow down and give their leaves. I humbly accept their offerings of peace. The years wore on and changed my heart, The leading role for a smaller part.

Citron : Noble Aim

Chances are we are the same, against the odds, against the grain We lean, like gardens toward light but we wait, Like evening for night, Don't we? Chances are we are alike, against what better judgement writes We ache, like children for love For a purpose worthy of such a noble aim as love.

Chances are we bruise the same; a family tree desperate for rain. A thirst only deserts know best. a hurt so at home in our chests. Call it stubbornness or bravery, To let our branches continue to reach, With such a noble aim, With such a noble aim as love. Every broken branch and loosened leaf that we've grown to ignore, Is now a part of something greater than before. Every nest that rests upon our limbs, Seeking shelter from the storms, Is a purpose worth being broken for.

Chances are we are the same, against the odds, against the grain We lean, like gardens toward light, We reach with all of our might For such a noble aim as love

Chikage Utsuki : Neptune

Pitch black, pale blue, It was a stained glass Variation of the truth, And I felt empty handed. You let me set sail with cheap wood. So I patched up every leak that I could, 'Til the blame grew too heavy.

Stitch by stitch I tear apart,  If brokenness is a form of art, I must be a poster child prodigy Thread by thread I come apart If brokenness is a work of art, Surely this must be my masterpiece

I'm only honest when it rains If I time it right, the thunder breaks, when I open my mouth I wanna tell you but I don't know how

I'm only honest when it rains An open book, with a torn out page, and my inks run out I want to love you but i don’t know how...

           Or South

Some truths, over time, can learn to play nice. Some truths are sharper than knives. Some truths we only see in the corners of our eyes. Some truths we wish we could hide. Some truths can save us, Some take our lives. Some truths are fire and some truths are ice. No matter what category you fit into, Truth’s got its sight set on you. If truth is north, then I am true south. I can’t figure it out- God knows. Always looking up 'Til my eyes give up. That’s how I lost touch of who I am and who I was.

Summer Troupe : Joy

The clumsy start of adolescence, The glue that mends our broken remnants, An overwhelming sense of reverence, It's a glimpse of light in a mine of gold. A silver lining spilling over, The rumor of buried treasure, The starting line of an adventure, It's a glimpse of light in a mine of gold. It's an afterglow, it's an echo Still ringing out in spite of me. It's the faint outline of the divine In the hiding place of my periphery. So I let go and in this moment, I can breathe. I can breathe. The countless stars we're sleeping under, It's the brightest sparks that we remember. When our eyes are closed, we still see embers, A glimpse of light in a mine of gold. It's a glimpse of light in a mine of gold.

Tenma Sumeragi : Three

Maybe I've done enough, and your golden child grew up Maybe this trophy isn't real love, And with or without it I'm good enough Maybe I've done enough, Finally catching up For the first time I see an image of my brokeness Utterly worthy of love

And I finally see myself, Through the eyes of no one else. It's so exhausting on this silver screen Where I play the role of anyone but me. I finally see myself, Unabridged and overwhelmed, A mess of a story I'm ashamed to tell, But I'm slowly learning how to break this spell. And I finally see myself. Now I only want what's real, to let my heart feel what it feels. Gold, silver or bronze hold no value here, Where work and rest are equally revered. I only want what's real, I set aside the highlight reel, And leave my greatest failures on display with an asterisk; Worthy of love anyway.

Yuki Rurikawa : Hope

There is hope in our eyes when we truly see each other Like the light of countless stars We are not afraid of the dark 'Cause there is hope in our hearts And every single beat, we feel it To the ends of the earth, our echo carries on We are sacred, we are strong, We are beautiful, we belong Please hear our unheard song There is hope in our voice when we listen to each other Barriers disappeared with every story told We are sacred, we are strong, We are beautiful, we belong Please hear our unheard song There is hope in our eyes, When we truly see each other We raise our flag, lift our voice This is our moment, We are sacred, we are strong This is our moment, We are beautiful, we belong This is our moment, We are worthy, we are true This is our moment, There are no borders from this view Please help us raise our flag There is hope in our eyes when we truly see each other

Muku Sakisaka :  Daughter

I want to see your happily ever after, That you know in your heart that you matter, That you are royalty. This is your kingdom, This is your crown, This is your story. This is your moment, Don’t look down.

You’re ready. born ready, And all you gotta do is put one foot in front of you. Our ceiling is your floor, And all you gotta do is put one foot in front of you. If only you knew

Misumi Ikaruga : Seven

How nice it'd be if we could try everything? I'm serious, let's make a list and just begin What about danger? So what, what about risk? Let's climb the mountain before we cross that bridge! 'Cause I'm restless, For whatever comes next

How wonderful to see a smile on your face It costs farewell tears for a welcome-home parade A secret handshake between me and my one life: I'll find the silver lining no matter what the price 'Cause I'm hungry, For whatever comes next Let me tell you another secret of the trade- It feels like sinking when I'm standing in one place So I look to the future and I book another flight When everything feels heavy, I've learned to travel light But I want to be here, Truly be here To watch the ones that I love bloom And I want to make room To love them through and through and through And through the slow and barren seasons too

I feel hope deep in my bones... And tomorrow will be beautiful.

Kazunari Miyoshi : Nine

Who am I to say what any of this means? I have been sleepwalking since I was fourteen Now as I write my song, I retrace my steps Honestly, it's easier to let myself forget

Still, I check my vital signs, Choked up, I realize I've been less than half myself for more than half my life

It looks like empathy to understand all sides But I'm just trying to find myself through someone else's eyes So show me what to do to restart this heart of mine How do I forgive myself for losing so much time?

A little at a time I feel more alive I let the scale tip and feel all of it It's uncomfortable but right We were born to try, to see each other through To know and love ourselves and others well Is the most difficult and meaningful work we'll ever do

Kumon Hyodo : Intermission

I'm so tired but I can't sleep. My mind is full but I can't speak. Among the dust of the hard-to-reach, I'm stuck Right here, somewhere between side a and side b. I could call it compromise, or just an intermission. Some kind of consolation prize for the race I never finished. I want to turn these tired gears. I want to feel the follow-through, Some kind of equilibrium... Something to set my watch to.

I'm here, somewhere between victory and a white flag. Caught in this purgatory dream, I'm stuck.   But I want to set the record straight, I want to retrace my every step. If I could just rewind all the tapes, Then maybe I'd find my loose thread.   Call it a compromise, or just an intermission. Some kind of consolation prize, so close, but never finished.   I want to turn these tired gears. I want to feel the follow-through, Some kind of equilibrium... Something to set my watch to.

 Pluto works for him too

 Autumn Troupe : The Sea of Atlas

We once felt safe, like no cure was needed. Our vocabularies had no room for “defeated,” But we grew up quick and became connoisseurs of it. There's a fine line, a fine line in between Our progress and our instability. We can't help ourselves but hunt for more. A design flaw? or the olive branch that proves the shore- The catalyst we've waited for.

Banri Settsu : One

Hold on for a minute, 'Cause I believe that we can fix this over time That every imperfection is a lie, Or at least an interruption Now hold on, let me finish,  No, I'm not saying perfect exists in this life But we'll only know for certain if we try

The list goes on forever of all the ways I could be better in my mind As if I could earn God's favor given time Or at least congratulations Now I have learned my lesson The price of this so-called perfection is everything I spend my whole life searching desperately To find out grace requires nothing of me I... I wanna sing a song worth singing I'll write an anthem worth repeating I... I wanna feel the transformation A melody of reformation I hold it all more loosely, and yet somehow much more dearly 'Cause I spend my whole life searching desperately To find out that grace requires nothing Grace requires nothing of me

Juza Hyodo : Taste

I am alive, I am awake. I am aware of what light tastes like. The curtains drawn, the table's set, I wanna be, I wanna be, at my best.

I'm on my knees and only scratch the surface.

Out of the woods, out of the dark. I’m well aware of the shadows in my heart. I wanna feel, tectonic shifts; I wanna be, I wanna be, astonished. I wanna be astonished. So I propose a toast: To fists unraveling, to glass unshattering. To breaking all the rules, to breaking bread again. We’re swallowing light, we’re swallowing our pride. We’re raising our glass, ’til we’re fixed from the inside. 'Til we're fixed from the inside. We're nothing less than a work in progress. Sacred text on Post-It notes. We only speak of a world in pieces. Let's make a map of what matters most: Where every fracture is a running river. Leading us back to our golden coast.

OR Mercury

No one can unring this bell Unsound this alarm, unbreak my heart new God knows, I am dissonance Waiting to be swiftly pulled into tune

I know the further I go The harder I try, only keeps my eyes closed And somehow I’ve fallen in love With this middle ground at the cost of my soul Yet I know, if I stepped aside Released the controls, you would open my eyes That somehow, all of this mess Is just my attempt to know the worth of my life

Made of precious metals, precious metal inside

Taichi Nanao:  Sadness

It feels like falling, It feels like rain,  Like losing my balance, Again and again It once was so easy, Breathe in, breathe out But at the foot of this mountain I only see clouds

I feel out of focus, or at least indisposed As this strange weather pattern inside me takes hold Each brave step forward I take three steps behind It's mind over matter, Matter over mind

Slowly, then all at once, A single loose thread And it all comes undone

Where there is light a shadow appears The cause and effect when life interferes The same rule applies to goodness and grief For in our great sorrow We learn what joy means

I don't want to fight, I don't want to fight it But I will learn to fight, I will learn to fight 'Til this pendulum finds equilibrium

Slowly, then all at once, The dark clouds depart And the damage is done, So pardon the dust While this all settles in, With a broken heart Transformation begins

or Bright and Early

The sun comes pouring in. Filling glasses up with diamonds, Stirring where I've been But it's all trigger and effect. Dominoes at their best. In the end I'm told, It taught me everything I know. That the wreckage left behind, will somehow make me grow.

In the end I'm told It taught me everything I know. But when the fire took our home, I lost part of my soul. From the ground up I'll keep building houses into homes. 'cause if trust is ribbon, Then patience ties it in a perfect bow.

Omi Fushimi : Aperture

Happiness is somewhere I have been before- A blurry photograph that I have since ignored. I'll carefully adjust the aperture once more, Until I set the record straight. I'll brush aside the dim, make room for the bright. I'll be an editor, no, a curator of light. I'll let my better angels always set me right, Until I even out the score. Until I even out the score. God, it has been quite a year- I've lived a little bit and I've died a little more. I know that I've asked it before, But please let the scale tip here in my favor. What was once the sweetest melody I've heard Is now a memory reduced to little words. I'll tune the orchestra and play the overture, Until I pinpoint every note. Give me the heart of an archeologist, That I may dig until I prove that I exist. A subterranean cathedral in my midst, Where echos come to rest.

Sakyo Furuichi : Touch

When will I feel this as vivid as it truly is, Fall in love in a single touch, and fall apart when it hurts too much? Can we skip past near-death clichés Where my heart restarts, as my life replays? All I want is to flip a switch Before something breaks that cannot be fixed.

Invisible machinery, These moving parts inside of me Well, they’ve been shutting down for quite some time, Leaving only rust behind. Well I know, I know - the sirens sound Just before the walls come down. Pain is a well-intentioned weatherman Predicting God as best he can, But God I want to feel again, Oh God I want to feel again.

Rain or shine, I don’t feel a thing, just some information upon my skin. I miss the subtle aches when the weather changed, The barometric pressure we always blamed. All I want is to flip a switch Before something breaks that cannot be fixed. Down my arms, a thousand satellites Suddenly discover signs of life.

Azami Izumida : Anger

Like wildfire, it starts in my chest The silence grows louder, ringing out in my head

I feel the Earth shaking under my feet I feel the pressure building until I can't breathe And it takes everything

And it all spills out, reckless but honest words leave my mouth Like kerosene on a flame of doubt, I couldn't make it right

Alarms will sound, but it's too late for holy water now Sooner or later the fire dies down, I'll open up my eyes

And I'll try and find the image of God In mountains made of ash and clouds of smoke It's fight or flight, buried in my mind, It's fight or flight It keeps my mind cold

But I feel it break, With just one misstep down a fire escape And suddenly I'm someone that prays, a last minute man of faith But I'll leave behind miles and miles of jagged lines Upon the surface of the Divine, I wish I could set them straight

Say

they impose the endless fight to always be perfect it seems they have been chosen to be above the rest

but the contradiction stands between these perfect lives and the words that they've misread there was no reading say all the things that you really want to say the truest of forms will show finally you'll find your soul

Bonus: Sakyo & Azami: Uneven Odds

I once knew your father well He fought tears as he spoke of your mother’s health I guess a part of him just couldn’t return Forgiveness is a lesson he cursed you to learn As your guardian I was instructed well To make sense of God’s love in these fires of hell No I don’t expect you to understand Just to live what little life your broken heart can Maybe your light is a seed And the darkness the dirt In spite of the uneven odds Beauty lifts from the earth As the years move on these questions take shape Are you getting stronger or is time shifting weight? No one expects you to understand Just to live what little life your mended heart can You’ll always remember the moment God took her away For the weight of the world was placed on your shoulders that day You’re much too young now so I write these words down, “Darkness exists to make light truly count.”

& Heirloom

You try your hardest to leave the past alone. This crooked posture is all you’ve ever known. It is the consequence of living in between The weight of family and the pull of gravity. You are so much more than your father’s son. You are so much more than what I’ve become. Long before you were born there was light Hidden deep in these young, unfamiliar eyes. A million choices, though little on their own, Become the heirloom of the heaviness you’ve known. You are so much more than your father’s son. You are so much more than what I’ve become,

You pressed rewind for the thousandth time When the tapes wore through. So you memorized those unscripted lines, Desperate for some kind of clue:

When the scale tipped, when you inherited,  A fight that you were born to lose. It’s not your fault, No, it’s not your fault, I put this heavy heart in you.

You remind me of who I could have been, Had I been stronger and braver way back then. A million choices, though little on their own, Became the heirloom of the heaviness we’ve known. You are so much more than your father’s son. You are so much more than the wars you’ve won. You are so much more than your father’s son. You are so much more than what I’ve become.

Winter Troupe : Homesick

Our resignation only comes on beaten paths When the world was flat we dreamt of its edges If love's elastic, then were we born to test it's reach? Is it buried treasure or just a single puzzle piece? It's poison ivy beneath our brave and trusting feet All revelations come to us in recovery Cry wolf, cry mercy, Cry the name of the one you were raised to believe Cry heart, cry yourself to sleep, Cry a storm of tears if it helps you breathe It helps you, if it helps you breathe

 Or Hourglass

We're taking turns at shattering apart. At least we're taking turns. How did we get so good at dismantling these hearts? How did we ever get so good? We dress our best to receive their sympathy. At our worst, we dress our best? “time heals all” According to these greeting cards. Oh how we'd rather time resets. If we could turn the hourglass, we would. If we could move a grain of sand, we would. If we could find our way back, we would.

Tsumugi Tsukioka : Clockwork

There is glass between our touch, phantom limbs of former love... and the truth is that I am so terrified that the callous is deeper than the surface of our skin. and it takes us twice as long, it takes us twice as long to heal. we'll lift up the ground to see the system of roots beneath. gears turn, endlessly, to bring the world back to life like clockwork, when it dies. the cadence of beating hearts, the click of its moving parts grows louder and louder from this restless earth... future gardens wait patiently below  and somehow we smell them blossom through the snow.

still unsatisfied, we chase what we're denied. as generations wait, we can't resist the taste of possibility. gears turn, endlessly, to bring us back to life again. like clockwork, we begin.

Tasuku Takato : Porcelain

The door broke when you slammed it shut, and the cracks kept reaching long after you left. through the floorboards, branching towards the hall, like vines that never rest... climbing like fire through the walls. a single spark that claims the whole forest - I know, I know... it's all for the best. but honestly, I would rather be safe from a distance than here... when I fell to my knees to sew the damage shut, I couldn't believe... a bright, staggering light came flooding into me from out of the seams. so I reached deeper in and pulled my whole world wide open, and for each broken mile, a billion miracles happen at once in everything... in everything. but I'm safe from a distance, right here. everything I love was made of porcelain, ready to break. but the bright, staggering light, it anxiously waits inside. like nesting dolls, the secret hides. and like every birth, it was a necessary pain... I know, I know... it's all worth the wait, worth the weight.

or Accidental Lights

On your mark, get set... A million miles past the finish line My heels lift at this imaginary starting line. The trigger slips; My heart was racing well before it's time. Time's running out, it's always running out on me, As the road up ahead disappears. Though it's all been said, and this empty dictionary is all that's left, I'll try to change the world in a single word. My hands are shaking, ready or not. Invisible ink well it's all I've got. So I'll concentrate and pick from these barren trees. Time's running out, it's always running out on me, And every road I discover disappears under my feet - Some call it reckless, some call it breathing. Have i said too much or not enough? Is it overkill or is it giving up, To measure out the distance of an echo's reach? If it's all broken mirrors and a chance roll of the dice, Then I'll risk everything for a glimpse of accidental light. Time's running out, it's always running out on me, And every road I've discovered disappears under my feet - Some call it reckless, I call it breathing.

Hisoka Mikage : Smell

Is this the part when the brain scans show where memories reside? Some ambiguous shape in me suddenly producing light Triggered like a tripwire, every time I breathe it in Isn't it strange that a Lilac tree is what unlocks where I've been? Like a time machine rebuilds the past, our memories return Like remembering the ashes before we burn

It finishes against my will, the light goes out, my heart goes still And just like that, I believe in ghosts

Time and space are at my back, Performing disappearing acts Now I can escape the smell of smoke Research says that the only way to keep memories intact Is to lock 'em away and close the doors to countless years of past I guess that explains why the strangest things can conjure up the past And forgotten time will find its long way back

It doesn't matter, I just know I need more Cause I feel like I've been sleeping through the better part of this Laying dormant through an endless winter that doesn't even exist

It's gravity in an hourglass, responsible for the avalanche And the loudest silence that I've ever heard Memory clear as a bell, A story that I will try to tell Maybe this time without words

Homare Arisugawa :  Four

Maybe I'm hiding behind metaphor Maybe my heart needs to break to be sure One day I'll wear it all on my sleeve The insignificant with the sacred unique But I've fallen in love with a ghost I lost my balance when I needed it most And this blurry photograph is proof Of what I'm not sure but it feels like truth I'm stuck swimming in shadows down here It's been forever since I came up for air Flashlight in hand determined to find Authenticity only poetry could even begin to try to describe

What if we already are who we've been dying to become In certain light I can plainly see a reflection of magnificence Hidden in you, Maybe even in me

or Son

Show me Who I am and who I could be Initiate the heart within me 'til it opens properly

Slow down Start again from the beginning I can't keep my head from spinning out of control Is this what being vulnerable feels like? And I will try, try, try to breathe 'til it turns to muscle memory I'm only steady on my knees One day I'll stand on my own two feet And I'll run the risk Of being intimate with brokenness Through this magnifying glass I see a thousand finger prints On the surfaces of who I am

Azuma Yukishiro : Two

Tell me, is something wrong?  If something's wrong, you can count on me You know I'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat It's okay if you can't find the words, Let me take your coat and this weight off of your shoulders

I know exactly how the rule goes Put my mask on first No, I don't want to talk about myself Tell me where it hurts I just want to build you up, build you up 'Til you're good as new And maybe one day, I will get around To fixing myself, too I don't even know where to start Already tired of trying to recall when it all fell apart I just want to love you, to love you, to love you well I just want to learn how, somehow to be loved myself

Or Six

What would it feel like to put this baggage down? If I'm being honest I'm not sure I'd know how I want to take shelter but I'm ready, ready to fight And somewhere in the middle I feel a little paralyzed But maybe I'm stronger than I realize I wanna believe - No, I choose to believe That I was made to become a sanctuary Fear won't go away but I can keep it at bay And these invisible walls just might keep us safe With a vigilant heart, I'll push into the dark And I'll learn to breathe deep and make peace with the stars Is that courage or faith to show up every day? To trust that there will be light, Always waiting behind even the darkest of nights

Guy : Mind

First, the ground rules get established: Memory is historically inaccurate. But repetition, repetition sings 'Til finally the melody is sacred, rooted, unchanged.

It overwhelms the nervous system, This fearful constant state of comparison. In our grey matter, all grey matters. An embarrassment of riches in our heads, We gravitate to black or white instead. We were designed to send mixed signals, One image made up of different pixels All subject to interpretation. 'Til binary systems, binary systems run And the vibrancy of everything becomes zeros and ones.

Patterns form and feel important, It's the first brush stroke of a self-portrait.

[officialscaramouche]

What do you think of the scara leaks? I know generally the vibe is 50/50, but I wanted to know his wife’s opinion

I’m gonna keep this under a cut for those of u who don’t want to know the leaks. TLDR; hyv is petty

To start, am I upset about “claymore/anemo/hatless/veiless/wanderer”? I’m a little disappointed at the idea but I said I’d love him for his flaws and red flags and I’ll do just that. Whether he becomes a completely different person or not will not change the fact that I will still drop thousands of dollars on him and he will always be my favorite character.

But do I believe in them? :) no. Here’s what I’m thinking. Scaramouche has been hyv’s rapunzel. He’s been locked away in their database since the beginning of the game. He’s always been kept under airtight security with scarce leaks. Leaker uncle didi has been the only credible leaker when it came to his leaks. I don’t know the politics with uncle didi and I’m not going to try and piece his life together. All we need to know is that this guy has had a pristine credible record and everything he’s ever leaked had come to fruition.

If it were me and my company, I’d hate uncle didi. My hard work pertaining to his design, story, background, inclusion, etc etc being ruined by one elusive man. It seems this guy can get any info at any time and hyv will just have to take the loss. Legally there is not much they can do about uncle didi. But don’t forget that liu wei is the same age as some of the players and just like any young adult, he can be petty.

I believe hyv created this bogus file and slapped Scaramouche’s name on it in big red font and covered it in layers of simple security to give the leakers and data miners something interesting. Something worth putting that many layers of security on. In this file they threw in as many different items— claymore, catalyst, electro, anemo, sword, no hat, no veil, Heizou atk animations, and whatever else is going to be leaked from this fake folder.

Why tho? I think hyv is trying to kill two birds with one stone. If hyv can’t catch uncle didi, then they’ll trash his record. And if they don’t want any real scara data to get released, then they’ll leave a treasure trove full of fake scara data to get leaked instead.

Do I believe he’ll be an anemo claymore? No, lol I can’t say I do. Do I think this will fuck over everything uncle didi has done to make himself credible? No. But I do think hyv is trying to pull a fast one and it’s working.

But if he does end up being everything that we’re being led to believe, then that’s fine i guess. I can’t complain anyways because the scara I love in my head is very different from canon scara anyways. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what’s another deviance to love?

[ready-to-obeyme]

[OM!] (American) College!AU Demon Brothers

Scenario: Headcanons on the demon brothers as college students (specifically in the US because I don’t know how college works elsewhere), their possible majors, career goals, extracurriculars, ~GPA~ and whatever else I could think of + how meet you in college

Note: I’m hoping to do a Part 2 with the Undateables but honestly… we’ll see lol. This is based off something ~A~ and I thought of for our specific university but we’ve made it broad enough to share HAHA this turned out VERY long

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Lucifer

Majoring in Political Sciences with a minor in Psychology

Pre-Law-- most likely immigration law or child custody (there’s definitely a backstory here)

Initially went to community college for the first two years to save up money to take care of his younger siblings

Rejected an offer to go to an Ivy League because it was too expensive; if his siblings ever found out they’d be furious that he’d give up on that chance, but he knows he can succeed wherever he goes (and besides, family is first) 

Transferred into a 4-year university his junior year 

Very high GPA-- VERY

In a professional fraternity with Diavolo and Barbatos 

He didn’t think he’d join one either but Diavolo was the vice chair when he transferred in and the president the year after so… ~nepotism?~ and also Lucifer is charming as heck so no surprise he’d get in

Also rooms with Diavolo and Barbatos

Goes to the gym regularly just to keep fit; gets goaded by Diavolo and Satan into joining an IM team with his frat brothers and actual brothers-- probably basketball or flag football

Probably meets you at a interclub council meeting and mutters under his breath how useless the board members are and you overhear 

“Never have I met more incompetent people.”

“Lmao mood”

“!!!”

Keeps sitting next to you at every interclub meeting then after because at least there’s someone that can keep his mind stimulated (thinks you’re hot if you’re competent btw)

If you somehow meet him on campus, he’s the type of guy to put his hand up and pretend he didn’t see you (just kidding, he always ends up saying hi anyways) 

Will Absolutely Lecture You if you are procrastinating on studying especially if your midterm is, like, TOMORROW

Always ends up studying with him because he’s actually focused on studying and glares at you if you get distracted (but hey you get good scores in the end)

Mammon

Majoring in Business Econ/Economics, Minoring in Statistics

(always ends up in the middle of the “is econ a humanities or a STEM major” debate that leaves him left for dead) 

Planning to work in Business as Finance -- probably has been treasurer or finance director for a club; can even see him being a banker if it suits his plans better

Goes to a four-year university

Decent GPA (or Lucifer would absolutely destroy him), and does REALLY well in mathematics classes

Would room with Lucifer and his posse if they all go to the same school 

Probably in a Business Frat as well because he’s pretty charismatic when it comes down to it but  was an RA for some of his years for the free rooming and dining hall privileges 

Is a very chill and understanding RA (as in he smokes weed with you when he’s off-duty) but is surprisingly well-versed in dealing with roommate issues

Works part-time (gasp) to buy stuff off of Amazon and go out to places 

Spends a lot of time exploring places with his friends, going hiking, rock-climbing, clubbing-- which is expensive, as it turns out, so he needed to be able to afford it somehow

Meets you when you’re eating your lunch outside somewhere and he asks you if you have a dollar he could borrow for a vending machine snack

You exchange numbers with him so he can pay it back (even though you honestly don’t really need it, but why not) and turns out he’s in your GE class

“Heyyy wassup! So glad I have a friend in this class” 

“Oh by the way, did you finish the homework? Haha, I forgot it.” 

Mammon always repays you for your help in food though so you aren’t complaining

Leviathan

Majoring in Computer Sciences

And honestly that’s too much for me already-- the man is doing computer programming, coding-- WHEW-- and they do NOT rest

Goes to a community college but honestly has no problems cinching internships. The computer is his domain-- online applications are EASY, doing projects NOT as easy, interviews? HARD-- REALLY HARD (someone help him)

Probably intends to work with a big company like Google if only to help supply his income so he can live his life going to AX and buying merch 

Most likely moved out of his house mid-college with his online friends (who are luckily compatible with him living-space wise) and visits home once a week 

There’s two potential sides you can meet first: 

Either you meet him at a convention and you both gush about the same character and anime and somehow find each other online (not college related) 

Or his favorite Ruri-chan keychain gets broken off in the computer lab, and you’re the one running after him to give it him

He may or may not owe you his life after that (and if you enjoy anime, well that’s a bonus)

Both of these meetings can happen if he doesn’t recognize you in class because you were in cosplay-- imagine the surprise

The two of you as friends are MASTER PROCRASTINATORS at every assignment the two of you have-- so low-key not a great influence-- but you have fun together watching animes, playing games, talking about life-- anything but actual work 

Always ends up scrambling to finish things-- but he keeps doing it because it’s been working for him so far

You help him prepare for interviews because he’s always nervous before each one regardless of how well his application looks

Satan

Majoring in Comparative Literature AND Anthropology (ya boy is doing the whole nine yards)

Planning to get his Master’s and then a PhD in one of his majors (whichever proves to be more engaging for him)-- visibly excited to become a Professor

College was meant for Satan-- like REALLY; the man is in LOVE with learning; most likely to go and be accepted to an Ivy-League after Lucifer but... truly believes you can get a good education anywhere so it depends on his financial standing (and how much scholarship he gets)

Does get a little disgruntled when his classes aren’t available but doesn’t mind learning something new-- if the professor bores him to death, he’ll read the book

Really good at tutoring people; someone suggests that he works as a peer-learning facilitator/writing tutor and he does-- might as well make bank doing something you always do anyways   

Joins a writing/journal club as an extracurricular and a club that provides tutoring services to the underserved community-- surprisingly good with kids!

He knows friends in high places, so if he wanted to, could get into any party without batting an eye and his favorite professors love him

Spends a lot of his time going out to the city and exploring places, similarly to Mammon, rock-climbing, hiking, paragliding-- anything

He is VERY well-rounded as you can see; competes with Lucifer to see whose GPA is better though

You probably meet him during office hours, and you can only stare in awe as he asks questions that you had in mind, but better; if you’re visibly confused about something, he’ll take his time to help you too (it’s habit at this point)

Ask him for his contact info and you’ll get it, and maybe repay him in coffee? (You always see him at the cafe on campus.) 

Most likely to have a specific spot in a cafe that he is always at that the workers actually save a spot for him or give him his usual order before he even arrives-- may or may not have helped them edit their essays or with their homework as a thank-you so you KNOW they’ll love him forever

The type of person to help you make flashcards and cram if you need it

Asmodeus

Majoring in Dance and Fine Arts (I HC going to NYU specifically)

Considering going for an Master of Fine Arts degree but he might just move to New York and go for being a Broadway Star

College is mainly just training for him and hoping to land gigs in local theater-- and the university theater if there is one-- and building his resume for his big break 

Has SO many extracurriculars, all pertaining to his career choice, but also because he enjoys what he does: drama, competitive dance team, acapella, fashion design

Makes an unbelievable amount of friends, incredibly good at networking

The first time you saw him was when he was performing for a local theater and you were in love with his performance, and the next time you saw him in the hallway of a classroom building, you told him how much you enjoyed it

Always accepts compliments about his looks with grace, but there’s something about truly being admired for his acting and singing that has him preening

Invites you to come out to his next performance, and if not his, then to another play-- and it can be a date, but up to you ;) 

The man is the KING of Multiple Talents and has big dreams to match 

Always finds a way to hang out with you and drag you to every club that he can use his fake-id for (and when he’s actually 21 and above, gets a little offended that he doesn’t get ID’d) 

A night in the town with you is always a good night! 

Sometimes when he has practical exams coming up, he asks you to watch him perform-- and he likes your compliments but actually takes getting all the moves seriously so you better pay attention!

Most likely to move far away to reach his dreams, but he would take you with him if he could-- his little star

Beelzebub

Majoring in Physiological Sciences

Pre-Nursing or Pre-Sports Medicine 

He’s a little undecided, but he’s definitely going to go into the health field because he likes the idea of being able to use his strength to help others

Gets a scholarship from the university because he’s part of the football team, which is actually pretty hard on him because Fall Semester/Quarter he has to keep skipping classes for games  

Always brings a snack to eat with him during lecture-- and is not afraid to bring his entire lunch and make it right in the front row, though he tends to stick to the back because they tend to have electrical plugs 

You most likely meet him during lecture: he offers you an entire sandwich (not a chip bag, not fruit snacks, an entire LUNCH) because he heard your stomach growl during class 

From then on, you collect notes for him when he’s gone from games and even go to games if you aren’t usually the type to just to see how he’s doing; it’s hard trying to find you among the huge bleachers, but he always asks you where you’re sitting anyways 

Really appreciate it if you help him study into late at night because it IS hard balancing sports and academics 

He most likely doesn’t really have any time for anything else so he usually makes up for it during the rest of the year when training is less to volunteer in the hospital or at the gym as a personal trainer 

If you ask him to teach you how to properly lift weights, he’ll definitely help out and the both of you can work out together-- though you feel bad when he has to add four extra weights to each side after you finish your reps

Belphegor

Majoring in Computer Graphics/Animation

Intending to go into making animation or game design-- is one of the brothers who doesn’t really know exactly what he wants to do yet because he’s afraid that doing what he loves as a job will ruin it for him

His family reassures him that they’ll support him whether or not he continues with his path in life, but he’s considering art school and then taking internships in places so he has a better idea on what he wants

Most likely to sell his own original work and become a full-time artist regardless

I think you already know how you meet him-- he’s sleeping in a lecture hall-- either against the wall or on the small piece of wood they call a desk when class ends and he’s still sleeping; and you wake him up 

Sleepily thanks you and continues to sleep through every class that you wake him up to; when you ask him why he doesn’t just go home and sleep, he tells you he’s too lazy to walk back and forth from his dorm/apartment to campus (mood) 

When you add each other on Snapchat or something, he sends you pics of ‘places to nap’ on campus

You always end up studying together because he’s actually pretty good at understanding lecture stuff despite not being awake for most of it-- apparently he’s used to teaching himself 

Will make you art for your birthday and will vehemently refuse payment so he just tells you to take him out for dinner instead 

If you talk about how you’re not sure on what you want to do in life too, he’ll probably say ‘mood’ but is most likely to encourage you to do whatever you want to do in life too