#anyway thank you for all of your comments your asks your encouragements your creations every bit helps!!

[battle-of-alberta]

i am staring at the ask box and starting to think about how to tackle it again, there’s still a backlog of about 25-30 that ideally i would like to get through before the end of the year.

i have this anxiety sometimes that i spend lots of effort on some and little on others, either because of a lack of time or patience or a shift in my art style or whatever reason, but I should just lean into whatever i’m feeling and not worry too much about doing something very polished. the blog is, as always, a work in progress that i’m doing for free out of my own energy and i need to be okay with contradictions and inconsistencies, including in the quality and effort put into my responses. 

I can always revisit ones I’m not satisfied with later, and I hope no one will take it personally if I don’t answer their particular ask as a multi panel full colour comic with an added bibliography if I can’t for whatever reason. likewise- current event asks are fine and dandy but they will range wildly from “sat on them for a year and forgot” to “answered in 5 minutes in ballpoint pen” and I just gotta be okay with that.

since i have basically lost my previous job that i was lucky enough to be able to draw during, sitting at my desk all day at my current job now actually requires my full attention / a lot of mental effort, and it means the first thing i do when i’m done work is go for a walk or do chores, so my ability to put effort and focus into my art is changing and I just need to roll with the punches at this point.

thanks for your patience with me, and please fill out the survey in the pinned post if you haven’t yet! :3 it will help me lots!

[ashfae]

Hi, and happy Yuletide, holidays and/or the end of the year! I'm once again wandering from askbox to askbox, asking questions from my fellow Good Omens fanfic writers.

How was your writing year? What's the favourite story you wrote? Yes, YOUR favourite of YOUR work! Feel free to gush about your creations, I'm looking forward to hearing all about it!

I wish you all the comments and kudos, and an exceptional new year! 🧡 Mirjam

Aww Mirjam thank you!!

My writing year really picked up at the end! Not just because I bashed out THREE (wheee!) fics as Secret Santa gifts, all of which I'm happy with, but because I'm working on Toccata and Fugue and Unusual Strings again. I desperately want to finish those two. (someday I will complete something that's not a oneshot, I swear to Crowley...) (Except of course I have another new series breathing down my neck gaaah no Satellite I do not have the spoons to turn you into a whole damn season 2 fix-it plot aughhhhh noooo....!! )(I may just write a "I am NOT writing a whole epic story because I can't but here are the key scenes that won't leave me alone" thing anyway to exorcise it though) ANYWAY the one I'm most happy about I'll babble about in another post because it now has ART WHEEEE, but my second favourite I think St Paul Survives, because it was so unlike anything I've ever written before. I want to experiment more with magic realism, I think. It'll probably turn incredibly over the top emotional and purple prose-y and break every rule my writing teachers of the past once drilled into me but I've decided I no longer care. ;)

Happy new year @mirjam-writes, may you keep writing wonderful things and inspiring those around you. <3 And thanks to absolutely everyone who's followed me, encouraged me, offered support and comments and kudos (especially A03 comments!), and been generally spiffykeen. It's been a tough year of accepting I'm now pretty permanently disabled and can no longer follow my librarian vocation, so my main determination for the coming year is to make sure my health is as good as it can be so brain fog stays at bay and I can write even if I can't move around. So it helps so, so, so much to know people are reading and enjoying what I do and share and are encouraged by the comments I leave, on a very real day-to-day basis. If I'm putting any more joy and laughter into the world, on however small a level, that keeps me going. THANK YOU. Fandom forever. <3

[ruanbaijie]

Hello Hanyi how are you? Hope that everything is okay and that your days are happy 🩷 You are a huge inspiration to me and I admire you so much. I wanted to ask for your advice or maybe for you to just read this, i need to tell this. How do you find inspiration for a new project (gifset)? Where do you usually find it and what things motivate you? I'm feeling really sad and unmotivated because my sets have less notes every time 😿 the last few reblogs on my sets are self reblogs. I know not everybody has to like what I do, and that I should do it for myself. But one of the main reasons I do gifs is to share, and for the other people to enjoy too. But my last three sets haven't reach 200 notes, the last ones not even 100. It's been weeks since someone reblogged from me, i'm just so sad, gifs is the way i found to express myself and I don't wanna lose that.

hello! I'm doing okay! questioning my life and what I'm doing with it, but what's new (ノ= ⩊ = )ノ

I don't know what to say besides thank you; I'm hardly the most encouraging or talented or patient person around here, and I'd never think I'd be a source of inspiration or admiration for anyone. it really made my day when I saw that!

a lot of (if not most of) the time, I get inspired by other creations I see here! I tag things that inspire me in different ways (layout, concept, typography, quote, etc.), and sometimes when I know I want (or need) to make something but have no idea what to do, I just go back to those tags and trawl around and pray something hits me ∠( ᐛ 」∠)_ a lot of people here are unbelievably talented and I'd kill for even an ounce of that (tbvh it's kind of embarrassing the extent to which I learn from and get inspired by other people, really most of the stuff I make aren't original original)

please, please don't get discouraged! I definitely feel that tumblr in recent days has gotten a lot more... disheartening, in terms of response. when I first started making gifsets a couple of years back in the thick of the plague, it was so much easier to get a really good response and a high note count even though the quality of my stuff back then was absolute trash. these days, getting even over 100 seems like a miracle, let alone 200. it's all the tougher since I rarely do scene-only gifsets as shows air (it bores and stresses me out at the same time), and it's painful and disheartening that complicated edits tend to do worse than scene-only sets, even though they take a lot more time and effort to do.

and you're right! at this point, despite this, I'm doing it mostly for myself too, and I've learned to brush it off and not check back at the notes at all. these days, it kinda feels like I'm tossing my posts into the wide world and after I schedule my self-reblogs, they're just out there fending for themselves (ノ°∀°)ノ⌒･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*☆

I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me, because it did, and sometimes, it still does. but I try to focus more on the few people who appreciate and enjoy the things I make, no matter how few they are in number, and it really, really makes my day when they leave nice comments in the tags, no matter how few notes that set gets ( ´ ꒳ ` )

I don't regret learning how to make and edit gifs, because it has been an outlet for me to express myself as well and I've met a lot of new people through it. but as much as I'd love to encourage you to continue pushing yourself and learning new skills, it's good to also take a break for a little while if the responses gets too disheartening; I'm trying to slow down as well (I haven't been getting much response these days either anyway) and take the chance to spend some of my life outside tumblr and photoshop. maybe, it would help and be a little breather, instead of abandoning this hobby completely just because of the poor response you're getting, which I really hope you wouldn't do especially if it's something that you enjoy and find meaning in

I'm not sure if this will help in any way, but I hope it does give you some solace that what you're experiencing is not something that's happening to you alone; I've seen so many posts by content creators here (gifmakers and editors alike) about how response is getting more and more lacklustre despite all their effort, and the general lack of motivation >_< as disheartening as it is, it makes me all the more appreciative of the things that the people who remain do and the communities that we've fostered here.

if anything, please feel free to tag me in the things you make and I'll be happy to help reblog them (though it might take a while because I run on a queue and it usually takes ~10 days to show), and hopefully that might help give a little boost to your sets └(＾＾)┐ press on! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[giotanner]

Art Theft and Bullying in The Old Guard Fandom

Hey TOG fandom! Do you know that stealing art is a crime? Do you have a problem with bullying (“because that poc muslim artist deserves!11!” based on a random tumblr post) within Discord servers? You do?... then read on.

Please grab some cookies and tea (and get comfortable!) and read on. This is a SERIOUS matter that I, as an outsider, was able to see WITHOUT being influenced by anyone else. I am not friends with any of the people involved here, although after these events I have empathy towards them.

I’m telling you this so you won’t be able to say to me "you are allied with/you are influenced by"... That is not the case. I have facts and evidence, so please read! I will be talking about ART THEFT, BASHING, REPOSTING, AND DISGUSTING BULLYING BEHAVIOUR towards a person who is not even in the server. As a fellow fanartist I feel so bad because  “this artist deserves it” in their mind. 

(Now: apparently there is a part of the beautiful The Old Guard fandom that thinks: the characters and people’s headcanons are more important rather than an actual person's well-being, and with every new illustration by the artist, they are badly spoken of. Because… ugh, why not?)

I talked about facts, so here’s one:

If you joined this server (there are a couple servers with this name, please don't get mad at the wrong one - note the icon!)  The first thing you know is: karanoidandroid is a racist and a homophobe… in their opinion. People and also these mods think this because of some posts on tumblr by white people. AH.

Why? Hearsay, bimbi belli. If you go to this artist's page you won't find a single racist thing (the artist is literally a POC who is brown and a Muslim. How? - you may say- What? Ah yes, she must be under "white influence! 11 !! bad POC !!" and who says that? Ah right, a white person. Or another POC with a different experience.  wtf we have so many experiences, how can you say ‘you’re racist’ to a POC about this? Just because this artist’s preference is a different sex position, and no one is trying to force you to like it, eh!)

And from here on out... hatred. Terrible and personal hatred that has spread like wildfire. EVERYWHERE. Even people who know nothing about this fandom know that this artist is "racist and homophobic". Only.Because.Of.Hearsay.

So what did this artist do, you ask? She created a safe place on discord, away from tumblr. For people who like top!Joe. Don’t you like it? GOOD FOR YOU. That’s fantastic. We should as a fandom respect everyone's preference. This server was simply made so people could get away from tumblr and the drama and bullying. That’s it.

But did they leave this artist alone? No. The gossip had infected this fandom by now. It is now a "fact": this artist is x and y, you know. Because a couple people spread that, knowing nothing about the artist other than she was making a server they didn’t like.

Because THEY decided it. Because this artist decided not to fight and leave and you weren't satisfied with that.

Let’s BULLY a Muslim POC because we disagree with their views IN FANDOM! Because someone’s views on a CHARACTER are more important than an actual person, right? (According to sources who wished to remain anon, I know for sure the mod is white. A white mod is bullying and stealing the art of a brown Muslim woman because their views on FANDOM are different)

How? 

READ these screenshots. They were posted a couple days ago. EVERY FUCKIN’ TIME this artist posted an art… they bully her. (So yeah, it’s NOT the first time)

No source, no link, no name. It was posted by a Mod (in blue) and the point is: a rule of this group is “don’t steal art/don’t put art without source” BUT HEY- WE’RE MODS and this artist deserves it!11!!1!)   

This poc muslim artist didn’t insist on “top!joe only”. It’s just her preference, you know? I don’t care about people’s preferences. If you want to read more about how racial issues have somehow gotten involved in sexual position preferences, check out this post by +lgbtq poc with a degree in Medieval Islamic History x (note: his blog is gone (bullying again!) so the link is to a reblog)

“Where is the source?’ a person asks. They don’t want to put the source and THEY’RE THE MODS, they made that the R U L E.

But you already know, again only by hearsay: “the artist is homophobic and top!joe is full of bullshit”. (A mantra - but they’re NOT IN THE SERVER to know. It’s an assumption)  What bullshit? I dunno. I’ve been on tumblr for the past few months and I read everything, and what I read is just a preference, not racism. But they went to the artist saying “you can’t”. Just because they have a different opinion. A ‘woke opinion’ against a POC Muslim artist. Well.

You don’t like her preference? Again: BRAVO. Amen, that’s okay. But it’s not “end of story kiss kiss”.

If you steal and you put a drawing without source… it’s not a joke anymore, do you know this mods? Even if you don’t like the artist or agree with all of her opinions, THEFT IS THEFT. There’s no excuse for it, especially if their excuse is saying the artist ‘deserves’ it.

Discord community Guidelines:

#1 Do not organize, participate in, or encourage harassment of others.

#17 You may not share content that violates anyone's intellectual property or other rights. 

 Anyway the artist deserves their art to be stolen ONLY BECAUSE OF HEARSAY everyone knows that she is..? (chorus: racist and homophobic!) And this was decided by white people and is now being used to bully a POC Muslim.

BRAVI! Have a biscuit!

You’re bashing and bashing and bashing and bashing for MONTHS, so now you don’t know the truth, but only this…  because /this/ it’s common knowledge.

Stealing art and trying to say that's okay because they’ve decided that someone they don't know is racist doesn't change the fact they stole is disgusting. Then saying it’s just a joke? wow, the audacity. 

The point of all this is clear: Since I hate this person/I have this immeasurable hatred towards this artist from posts that other people have made about her THEN I am a mod so I can do it, I am allowed to steal her art, bash the artist and mock her in other comments and every time this person just… exists.

THESE ARE THE FACTS. I have so many screenshots. Thanks to some people I know within the discord. This is only ONE day. It has happened before. 

Why “that artist and linking her blog would break multiple server rules and make numerous people uncomfortable?” Ah, yes, c’mon you know… I know you know! (Chorus: Because the artist is racist and homophobic… even though they’ve never spoken to her, and are literally bullying a POC Muslim and refusing to source art)

Well, yeah, Without proof. Just “common knowledge and the same old “by hearsay” on tumblr. By ‘woke’ people and then it was shared by people like me or you if you don’t know the story.

And how did this story end? They stole the drawing. They put the stolen illustration in a group of TWO HUNDRED and SEVENTY PEOPLE and said  “oops, i did it again” and they refuse to link the source. It’s stealing. And it’s serious. It’s terrible because they are bashing this artist all the time. 

TO REITERATE

1.They STOLE an artist’s work and laughed about it, which is bullying and against their own rules. This has happened more than once with this artist. 

2. When they were called out, they bullied the person calling them out.

3. When they didn’t like that they were called out, THE PEOPLE (yellow and green) CALLING THEM OUT WERE KICKED OUT OF THE SERVER, despite art theft and bullying being against the server rules. Again, the rules that they made. 

Regardless of what you think of the artist, stealing art sets a dangerous precedent for future fandoms. If someone doesn’t like your opinion does that mean they can steal YOUR art/writing/creations? Because if you think it’s okay for this person’s art to be stolen because you don’t agree with them, that’s basically what you’re saying.  

They were cruel. And TOG doesn’t deserve this. I love this movie so much. I love this fandom. I love to make fanarts of Joe and Nicky. Joe is so sweet, full of love, a true warrior and Nicky isn’t an Italian dramaqueen, he isn’t naive, he is kind and a bravo sniper. Two imperfect men, but perfect for each other. A Muslim and a Christian, a white and a brown man. Together. Not stereotyped. Wow, thanks at least for that 2020.

and I hope we can do better, in future. 

[askthepokemutants]

Mewtwo: [Care to explain what I might experience?]

Reid: [Well... his attacks hit extremely hard... not sure how else to describe it...]

Vris: [He also healed completely from Reid’s unique variations of Shadow Moves...]

Speara: [That’s... new...]

Entei: [And with the ability to “Clease” Shadow Pokemon with the same aggressive force as Celebi, could be pretty deadly if used with far too much force... in theory at least, hrm...]

Hikari: [This “Strident King” sounds more like the big villain of some Human’s fanatical stories, the ones they make into books... feels like Dark was underselling them somehow...]

Cecil: [Right? I’m glad I’m not alone here...]

Entei: [And if this is the kind of force we’re dealing with and they’re on some bizarre warpath... it’s best to answer this “question” being asked of you two.]

Vris: [I still have no idea what that’s all about...]

Reid: [Yeah... my memories of the past aren’t really... focused at the moment...]

Entei: [Then allow me to focus them, since we’d like to avoid a Mew with the power of creation going wild: It, presumably, has something to do with one of your many fights with Team Machine...]

Reid: [Do YOU know what he wants?]

Entei: [Unfortunately, this is a... guess... If Celebi were here, I’d imagine they’d tell you to figure it out on your own... so I will do the same.]

Vris: [... Uh-huh...]

Entei: [I will say no more... unless you wish to challenge me-]

Lugia: [Stop that you old fool!]

Entei: [Humph.]

Gareth: [... Despite everything I’ve heard about Rteddy... for some reason I’d rather deal with that over King right now...]

Mewtwo: [Thanks for your encouragement.]

Raikou: [Sorry to interrupt this train of thought, but, what happened to Koko?]

Reid: [And what or who is that..?]

Vris: [That weird-looking thing that tried to fight with Rteddy?]

Raikou: [It’s wise to say that in terms of raw power, the Tapu have us beat to some degree.]

Reid: [Rteddy was able to push them back...]

Entei: [There are four Tapu, and their power comes from their homeland, when at full strength, from my understanding, they can become massive, humanoid, beings the size of titans.]

Vris: [And why didn’t they do that...?]

Mewtwo: [I assume we’d like the lingering bit of green in Orre to survive the wrath of a regional “deity”...]

Faril: [So... these Tapu things could lay waste to everything?]

Lugia: [Apparently?]

Mewtwo: [Make them angry enough, sure. An entire town in Alola was left in ruins because their faith faltered in one of the Tapu... or so I was told. They also fight with beings from another dimension entirely that... probably would make Rteddy look... tame... or so I’m told...]

Vris: [Then... let’s leave them to deal with Rteddy...]

Reid: [A-agreed...]

Mewtwo: [Hmm... anyway, I don’t think I can ignore the Mew in the sky here any longer... plus I doubt your ‘kid’ is able to understand why every single adult just stopped talking all of a sudden. Good luck.]

Lugia: [I’ll be in touch~]

Faril: [Like hell you wil-] Damn it!

Vris: ... Ugh.

Royo: ???

Reid: Okay-

Hikari: I have an egg to worry about... not even going to try and process this in detail right now.

Speara: Would anything we learned even be of use? No one’s willing to directly deal with Rteddy, the Strident King seems to have grown stronger and I feel like we’re still missing something.

Faril: Hmm... [Care to fill them in on the “end of the world” bit?]

Reid: Riight... [No.]

Cecil: Sounds like the Strident King is just... bad? Hah... I’ll focus on treasure hunting and rescuing eggs...? Yeah... I don’t think Ian and Qui’ll even believe this...! Plus... yeah, not touching the weird magic doll monster... no way.

Vris: That “hint” Entei gave is.. useless... if we can’t figure it out and he shows up again... then what?? If we shouldn’t fight him-then what???

Raikou: Talk? There’s something important that Mew wants from you, you know this.

Hikari: Since when has talking ever worked for any of us?

Speara: ... Hmm...

Vris: Feh...

Faril: Suddenly my face hurts...

Reid: H-Hahah...

Cecil: Hmmhmmm~

Raikou: No comment?

Cecil: No, just happy to be here. Besides, these problems seem... insurmountable right now, but I’m sure there’s a solution to everything, hmm~?

Hikari: ... If there is, I’m too tired to figure it out.

Vris: I can agree there...

Reid: ... Yeah...

Raikou: You should check on your injuries anyway, and take the chance to understand the “Mew’s question” situation... do either of you know where to start?

Reid & Vris: No...

Hikari: Damn it all...

Speara: Ah...

Cecil: They’ve had a lot of run-ins with Team Machine... just from the stories I’ve heard... h-hahah...

Speara: Remembering which specific event King’s possibly asking about isn’t going to be... easy...

Vris: Oh no... really? Thanks queen obvious...

Speara: Humph...

Vris: Humph....

Reid: Let’s... not fight here... please?

Faril: That’s rich, coming from you, Reid...

Reid: If this is about your eye again, I said I’m sorry-

Faril: Sorry doesn’t grow a new eye!!

Cecil: ... D-do I want to-

Hikari: Reid and Vris have a history of maiming people...

Cecil: Aaah... fair enough~

Hikari: You think that’s “cool”... don’t you...?

Cecil: ... ... ... No-

Hikari: Uuugh...

Raikou: I believe I will take my leave... being here is making me very uncomfortable... a past life isn’t too... pleased to be here...

Hikari: They’re all distracted... so, take care wherever you’re going... safe to assume you Legends won’t interfere much more, right?

Raikou: Considering we’ve likely turned humanity against most of us... we may become closer than you think... however... I’m not too eager to deal with this... “Rteddy” creature...

Hikari: ... ... Fair enough.

@ask-the-shadow-pokemon​​

<Previous

[writing-with-whiplash]

Holding On

“Holding On”

Hey guys! This is a fanfic of @jangofctts amazing clone oc Sweets! Go check out her awesome clone oc’s by searching for “sunburst squadron” on her blog and also check out all the other amazing fics she has! Sweets is her creation. I do not own his character, I’m just writing for him.

Sweets x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: 18+ ONLY-- Not explicit, but a sexual situation, a little spicy, implied smut; lap dance; swearing; friends to lovers; lemme know if I missed anything!

Summary: Reader, a friend of the Sunburst Squadron, gives Sweets a private dance

Author’s note: The songs I had in mind for the dance were “Movement” by Hozier and “Hold On” by Brooke Annibale if you want to listen ;) 

Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The night had started out like many nights on Coruscant with the Sunburst Squadron. Most of the boys wanted to go out to 79’s--per usual--and they finally convinced you to go with them. Clubs and the usual nightlife of the big planet-wide city weren’t really your thing, the strobe lights, loud music, and crowds of drunken partiers being much less preferable to your calm nights on base. You spent most nights murmuring encouragements to the poor soldiers in the med bay, reviewing paperwork for Void and Blanche so they wouldn’t overwork themselves, or hanging in the target range with Sweets. At the moment, you desperately wished to be in the target range.

The bass coming from the surround-sound speakers was cranked up so high you could feel the vibrations in your tummy and the glass in your hand. Troopers and civies alike paraded about the tightly packed bar, wiggling to the beat like intoxicated sardines. You simply shook your head, nursing your only drink of the night. You had told the boys that you just wanted a little buzz and they didn’t pressure you into getting more while they ordered round after round. Blue and Jaws were already slumped in the booth, although you couldn’t fathom how they could possibly sleep with all the noise going on. Max was chatting up some cute stranger at the bar and by the looks of it, he wasn’t coming back to the barracks with the rest of the group tonight. Blanche had entrusted you with making sure his boys made it back to base, but you knew you couldn’t pry Max away from his prize. Scanning the humid bar for the rest of the squad, you saw Bruiser in the midst of an arm wrestling match. His boisterous laugh barely carried above the pounding music as he smashed his opponent’s knuckles onto the sticky table, earning himself another small pile of credits. You made a mental note to make sure no one tried to pick a fight with him over money throughout the evening. Kami was a little harder to find, tucked away in a shadowed corner as he received a not-so-subtle lap dance from a pretty twi’lek girl. Fuse, the last member of the squad who decided to go out, sat nestled in the booth right next to you, bouncing to the beat of whatever was playing. He watched your gaze linger on Kami and the girl.

Scooting closer to you, he hollered, “Jealous, eh?”

“Jealous of what?” you hollered back. Fuse smirked and nodded his head toward the pair just as the dancer lowered herself in Kami’s lap, swirling her hips in time with the song. It hit you that Fuse thought you liked Kami. “Jealous of her? Fuck no! I’m not after Kami.” You shook your head and downed the rest of your drink, the alcohol burning your throat before settling in your tummy. When Fuse gave you a look of obvious disbelief you leaned back over to him. “I don’t like him! I just--” You paused for a second, debating whether or not to tell your friend about why you kept looking back at the pair. His expectant gaze implored you to continue. “I just wish I could do something like that. Dance like that.” You shook your head again, bracing for some teasing comment from Fuse. The trooper simply stared.

“What makes you think you can’t?” His brow furrowed as you shrugged, not wanting to open up about your insecurities in the middle of the bar. “What, do you think you’re not good enough or something?”

The concerned expression on your friend’s face made you cave. “I just don’t feel confident enough to pull something like that off. I’m awkward and clumsy and she’s so pretty and he’s so into it and I don’t know how to do anything like that. I don’t know how to make someone be into me like that.” 

Fuse’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Girl, you could captivate any guy in this bar if you danced like that. And I know you could do it. I know you could!” Fuse shouted in your ear. “That dress you’re wearing is already stunning. You could take any of these guys home with just a sway of your hips. Why don’t you believe in yourself?”

Heat bloomed in your cheeks as Fuse’s words settled in your ears. You could take any of them home just like that? You shook your head a little at the thought. There’s no way it could be that easy. You were too stiff and nervous to have prowess like that. Besides, the only trooper you wanted was still back at the base, most likely spending his night alone with his sniper rifle in the shooting range. Fuse snatched your mind from the enveloping quiet of the range and shoved it back into the dingy club.

“Maybe you just need some practice,” he purred, scooting impossibly closer and wiggling his eyebrows. 

“Shut up!” You shoved his shoulder at the insinuation, although you knew he wasn’t serious. Fuse cackled with laughter, lightly shoving you back. Your ankle wobbled as you took the weight of the shove on your high heel, damn the skinny things. They looked great, but at what cost? “I have practiced, thank you very much.” As soon as the words left your mouth you regretted telling him. If the air in the bar had been a little thicker, you supposed you could have snatched the words right out of it and popped them back in your traitorous mouth, but they had already entered Fuse’s ears. 

Fuse’s mouth formed a little ‘o’. “And just who have you been practicing with? Honey, I can give you all the tips you need on how to dance like that.”

Rolling your eyes, you shook your head. There was no way in the galaxy you were about to tell Fuse you had spent several lonely evenings practicing a dance on an empty chair. The mirror you danced in front of did nothing to boost your confidence--only betraying wobbly legs and stiff arms. The sensual sway of the music you picked never influenced your movements. It simply made them seem more clunky and out of place. The flimsy armchair rocked dangerously beneath you every time you leaned against it, lacking the anchor of an audience. You had actually slipped off it once, and when Void asked you why you needed bacta for the large bruise blooming across your side, you made up a story about running into your desk in the middle of the night. To make matters worse, you weren’t sure if the audience you always imagined would even want a dance from you. 

Sweets was so shy and quiet. Although he didn’t talk much when you first met him, it only took a couple of days for you to fall completely head over heels for him. After several weeks of working with the team, he had started talking to you about local flora he found on missions and let you watch him in the gun range. You got as close as he would let you, but you had no idea if he reciprocated your feelings. The thought of him refusing you--of him shutting you out--always made your stomach plummet as you tried to sway your hips over the empty chair. You could just see his face freeze at your offer of a private dance--how he would withdraw within himself with a disgusted look and never talk to you again. There’s no way he would ever want you or agree, so why should you risk your friendship over a stupid little dance? 

Fuse ripped you from your spiraling thoughts with a snap of his fingers before your nose. “Ground control to sad girl, do you copy?” You flicked his hand away, trying to rid your mind of its noise. “Come on, I know you. You’re sitting here telling yourself that you can’t do it so much that you’ve convinced yourself not to try at all. And I’m here to tell you that you can do it. Any guy would be lucky to get a dance from you, you hear? Any guy. So who’s the lucky one you’ve been practising for, huh?” 

“I wouldn’t tell you for a million credits,” you shot at him. It was true. The idea of Fuse knowing that you had feelings--and unprofessional thoughts--for his brother were mortifying, not only because of the storm of teasing to follow, but because of the possibility of some of the other squad members finding out, namely the squad member in question. Fuse was unpredictable. 

“I think I know who it is anyway,” Fuse waggled his eyebrows, “and he’s not here with us tonight.” A knowing smirk spread across his face as you shrank back, stomach falling to the dirty barroom floor. “Don’t worry, I’ll never tell Sweets you like him. You’re going to be the one to tell him. No, no, don’t shake your head at me. I’ve seen how you look at him. I’ve also seen how he looks at you when you can’t see him.”

Your head shot up. Sweets looked at you like that? Impossible. The words coming from Fuse’s mouth had to be wrong. The beat of your heart outpaced the music as you desperately hoped he was right. After all the months of becoming friends with Sweets, all the sleepless nights dreaming of his arms around you, his lips on your lips, you couldn’t throw everything away just because Fuse thought Sweets liked you back. But your heart lurched, urging you to give in to your feelings. What would happen if you never told him? You very well could lose him that way, too. The thought of that happening hurt even more, causing determination to dissolve the pit you carried in your stomach. Adrenaline flowed through your veins as you promised yourself to see this through. 

“I’m ready to head back to base.” You stretched and checked your watch. Blanche would not be happy if you brought the boys back too late, and by the looks of Blue and Jaws’ drooling faces, it was going to take a while to get into a cab. 

“Where’s Max?” Fuse wondered aloud, scanning the bar as he pulled his comm out. 

“I think he had company to attend to. I’ll get Bruiser. You can handle Kami.” You left Fuse in the booth before he could protest, eager to get back to base before your nerves convinced you to back out. Bruiser didn’t want to leave his winning streak, but the threat of Blanche’s wrath had him shoving credits into his pockets and heading toward the door. Max had indeed left with his date and Kami begrudgingly left his dancer to help you and Fuse haul the other two onto the small transport. 

Anxieties swirled up from your stomach and into your heart, melting your shoes to the transport floor. You could have let them flood you, drowning out your true feelings and wants in a tidal wave of insecurities and disbelief; instead, you distracted yourself by focusing on the city lights passing by. No matter how much you tried to steel yourself, the waves of doubt lapped at the sides of your stomach, threatening to dissolve you from within. As you drew closer to base, you became more and more nervous until you began to shake. Fuse surprised you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

“You got this,” he smiled. “I believe in you. You’re going to do great and he’s going to love it. Trust me on that.” You simply nodded, biting your lower lip to keep it from trembling. 

Sooner than you had hoped, the transport arrived at base. Although Fuse had tried to bolster you again, your knees wobbled and stomach churned as you led the boys back to the barracks. Blanche was waiting for you at the door, nodding at you and failing to hide a yawn behind his hand. You hadn’t meant to return so late. Part of you began to wonder if Sweets was even still awake. No matter what was going to happen tonight, the adrenaline rushing through you wasn’t about to let you sleep any time soon. Just as you hoped that maybe he had gone to sleep already, sparing you from potentially making a fool of yourself, Sweets walked down the hall from the gun range. Your stomach lurched when you saw him, sending little shivers down your spine. You waved at him a little awkwardly and he waved back, touseling his curls a bit before shoving his hands in his hoodie pocket. Fuse cast you one last smirk and helped Blanche herd their brothers toward the bunks. 

“Fun night?” Sweets asked softly, watching the others stumble and weave their way down the empty hall. 

“Maybe for them,” you replied, your voice too quiet. You clenched your hands to keep them from shaking and hoped Sweets didn’t notice. Unfortunately, he did. You couldn’t decide if  it was excitement or nervousness that caused your stomach to tighten at his next action--Sweets grasped your hands in his own. His long, slender fingers intertwined with your own trembling ones and before you could stop yourself, you imagined what they would feel like in other places. Sweets stepped closer to you, his breath fanning across your hair as he tilted his head to the side. 

“You ok?” he murmured. His thumb traced circles across your knuckles, causing you to involuntarily shiver. Sweets took that as a “no” and pulled you into his chest. “Did something happen while you were out?” 

“No.” The word barely escaped your mouth as a whisper into the collar of his hoodie. “I’m just tense is all.” 

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

An idea formed as soon as he spoke. Before you could let it be drowned in nervousness and doubt, you asked him: “Would you dance with me for a little bit? The bar was super crowded and loud and I just want to move around a little bit.” Your heart thudded so hard in your chest at Sweets’ silence that you were certain he could feel it. “Just maybe not out in the hall,” you added quietly. He huffed a small laugh at that, grabbing your hand again to pull you down the corridor.

“Come on.” 

Sweets lead you into his sanctuary: the shooting range. It was completely empty at this hour of the night. Instead of leading you to the target area, Sweets took you up to the observation room. It sat behind the range floor and up a flight of stairs, meaning less opportunity for intrusion. You silently hoped the range would stay empty tonight.

Sweets flicked the dim lights on and you pulled out your pocket music drive, selecting a soft but upbeat playlist. The two of you began to move on your own a little awkwardly from opposite sides of the room, but you gravitated towards each other as the song picked up. Soon, you were giggling as Sweets spun you in circles around him. The knot in your stomach loosened as he laughed with you. The fabric of your dress lifted and flowed with each spin and sway of your hips, making you loosen up a little just to feel it sweep around the tops of your thighs. As you began another twirl around him your ankle gave way above your flimsy high heel. Faster than a shot from his own rifle, Sweets caught you and pulled you into his arms. Your breath shook as you collided with his firm chest, heat tingling in your cheeks...and between your thighs. 

“Maybe you should take those off,” he hummed. “I don’t want you to get hurt.” 

You breathlessly agreed, kicking the offensive shoes into the corner. Sweets chuckled and pulled you into a slow dance, one hand on the middle of your spine while the other traced small circles into your lower back. Maker, he was going to be the end of you. You laced your fingers behind his neck, trying to calm down as you swayed back and forth. Sweets’ gracefulness on the battlefield had captivated you, almost causing you to get shot on multiple occasions as you watched him instead of paying attention to the battle, and it was no different as he swayed before you.

 “Feeling better?” The words vibrated in his chest, drawing you even closer to him. “I’ll dance with you for as long as you like.” 

You hummed against him. “I’m feeling better, but I want to stay here a while.” The pair of you stood closer than you had ever been before, and it nearly took your breath away. A particularly sensual song came up on the playlist--one that you had practiced your dance to many times--as well as the song immediately following it on the queue. It was now or never. “Sweets, would you like a dance from me?” You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him as your voice squeaked, too afraid of his answer. 

“I thought we were dancing,” Sweets said in a small, questioning voice. You could almost curse his endearing innocence. 

Letting out a nervous giggle you tried to subtly elaborate. “Yes, we are, but I was wondering if you would want me to dance for you.” 

When Sweets seemed to ponder your question in silence, you took it a step further. Lightly, you brushed your hips against his in time with the song, gazing up at him with hooded eyes and parted lips. Sweets’ eyes widened as the realization of what you meant sank it. You watched his Adam’s apple bounce as he gulped, nervousness creeping up from your belly. Finally convincing yourself that you fucked up, that he didn’t want you and would shut you out for good, you shrank away from him, the words I’m sorry just beginning to escape your trembling lips. Before you could slip away and fade from existence, Sweets grabbed you, pressing his fingers lightly into your hips. You snapped your head to find his normally calm eyes beginning to darken. He immediately closed his eyes as a deep flush spread across his face, nodding quickly. Relief flooded you, as well as a new kind of nervousness. You took a deep breath to calm your nerves. You could do this. 

With every beat of the music you pushed Sweets gently backwards until he sat in one of the observation chairs. You took another deep breath, going back to all the nights you practiced to this very song. Only this time, you actually had your dream audience sitting before you, darting his tongue out to wet his plush lips. Closing your eyes, you ran your hands across your hips, allowing your muscles to loosen up as you swayed. As the song picked up so did your hips, beginning swirling motions as your hands continued to travel across the front of your dress. Sweets audibly gasped as you lightly cupped your breasts, his eyes tracking every move of your fingers as they deftly kneaded the soft flesh. You knew you had to keep him on his toes, wanting more throughout the whole routine, so you stepped around the chair, trailing your hand across his shoulder and throat as you moved around him. He tried to turn and follow your movement but you turned his face back to the empty room with a light touch against his jaw. His breath shook as you leaned against him from behind, just barely pressing your soft chest to the back of his head. You giggled at his reaction, ghosting your hands down his chest through the thick fabric of his hoodie. 

“You wanna take this off for me, baby?” you cooed into his ear. Sweets nearly smacked you in the face as he rushed to throw the hoodie across the room. A laugh escaped you even as you tried to cover it with your hand and Sweets turned around at the soft sound of it. He smiled sheepishly, eyes crinkling at the corners. You leaned around to press a quick kiss to the heart on his his warm cheek and he immediately whipped his head back to the front, the blush from his face beginning to creep down his neck. 

The song kicked up a notch as you made your way around the other side of the chair. You spun before your captivated audience in a slow, tantalizing twirl, running your hands from your breasts all the way back to cup your ass through your skirt as you turned your back to him. By the time you turned back around to face him, hands trailing down your thighs to lift the dress’ hem up a little, Sweets had leaned forward in the chair, elbows resting on his knees. You paced toward him with an exaggerated walk, reaching forward to press him back into the chair. Nudging his feet a little further apart, you stood between his legs, rotating your hips toward him. Sweets’ hands shot up, stopping to hover on either side of your hips. He looked up at you, dark eyes searching for the permission to touch you. 

“Hold on to me,” you whispered to him. His strong fingers kneaded your soft hips as he pulled you closer to him, pressing his nose to the soft curve of your belly. You let out a breathy giggle and carded your hands through his curls. He let out a quiet moan at that, encouraging you to continue. The song on your music drive changed and the beat became slower, deeper.

You gently grabbed Sweets’ face, pulling his head further up your body as your hips swept in bigger circles, almost brushing against his chest. He buried his nose between your breasts, pressing a soft kiss to the skin your dress exposed. A high pitched whine left you and you pulled his hands up to your chest, lowering yourself into his lap. Every touch he gave you sent chills down your spine; hundreds of butterflies bursting from your stomach fluttered across your skin, exploding into stardust in your eyes. You raked your nails lightly across his scalp and down the back of his neck, finally settling on the thin fabric covering his chest as you swirled your hips against his. Sweets arched his body into yours, groaning softly at the contact. He pressed kisses up your throat as you continued your smooth movements, reaching up to pull your face to his. You pressed your forehead to his teal bangs, nudging your noses together as you closed your eyes. This night could not have been more perfect in your mind. Your whole body shuddered as Sweets ran his hands lightly up and down your back, settling again at your hips. 

“Can I kiss you?” he breathed against your lips, voice quavering. 

Maybe this night could be more perfect. You leaned forward to capture his lips with your own, keeping your hands against the back of his neck to press him to you. Sweets moaned into your mouth, shuddering as you fully ground down into his lap. Yes, this night was about to get even more perfect.                

[plazmafields]

“You asked to see me?”

Cullen lifted his head from his work to lock eyes with the mage in his doorway. He sighed as he gestured for Dorian to sit.

“Yes. I have a…problem, of my own creation, that I could use some advice on.”

Dorian lowered slowly into the seat across the desk from Cullen, curiously raising an eyebrow. “I’ll see how I can help.”

“Thank you,” Cullen smiled softly before clearing his throat to continue, “There’s…a person who I continue to find catching my eye, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’d really like them to know how I feel, but I don’t think I have the confidence to tell them with words.”

Dorian blinked several times, a bit taken aback that Cullen was so upfront with his ask for romantic help.

“Well,” he began, shifting forward in his seat, crossing one leg over the other, “I am certainly no expert in women—"

“I never said they were a woman.”

Dorian’s mouth still hung open from his comment. He shut it quickly and nodded, silently asking Cullen to continue.

The Commander sighed, running a hand through his groomed curls. “I’ll be honest: I’ve never really…courted anyone before, so we’re essentially starting from scratch here.”

Dorian gave a comforting smile, “That’s perfectly alright. Perhaps a blank slate is best.”

The mage pulled his chair up, resting his elbows on the desk. “Now, you don’t want to come off too strong too soon. So let’s start very basic: what is something almost anyone would like to receive?”

Cullen looked down at his hands, clasped and nervously twiddling. After a moment of thinking he replied tentatively, “Praise?”

Dorian chuckled, “Yes, that’s true, but let’s think most simply. Something superficial, to start. Something physical…?” he guided.

Cullen’s eyes bounced around Dorian’s features for clues. “Gifts?”

Dorian nodded encouragingly, making a rolling motion with his hand to encourage something specific.

“Such as…flowers?” Cullen said it like a question.

“Perfect!” Dorian Tossed his hands up. “Now the next step is easy, what flowers do they like?”

Cullen sighed, rubbing at his scruff, “No idea. And I’m not sure I have the nerve to ask them.”

“Well you wouldn’t want to do that anyway, you want to bring it up casually. Otherwise, they might catch on to what you’re planning.”

Cullen was still looking away, distracted with his own anxiety. Dorian offered a gentle smile and a friendly suggestion. “Why not get a bouquet? A little mix of everything? That way there’s bound to be something they like in there. After all, it’s the thought, not the gift, that matters here.”

Cullen nodded continuously, deep in thought of what to get for his muse. “Yes…a little of everything. That’s…that’s an excellent idea! I’ll go to Orlais, to a florist, pick out the most exotic things they have, the most colorful, most pungent. It’s perfect!”

Dorian couldn’t help the grin that stretched across his lips at Cullen’s excitement.

“Thank you, Dorian. You’ve no idea how much this helps me.”

“Glad to be of service, my friend.” Dorian rose from his seat, gave a friendly bow, and left Cullen to his plans.

__________

As Dorian sat in his little alcove, reading over a new study, the sound of quick and precise footsteps drew closer. Soon, the Inquisitor, ever nimble on her feet, ran into his nook, a massive smile on her face.

“Have you been out today?”

Dorian glanced over the edge of his book. “Not yet, no.”

She bounced on her toes, “So you haven’t seen the garden?”

The mage raised a brow, closing his book with one hand. “Should I?”

The rouge practically squealed as she gestured for Dorian to follow her.

They were in the main hall in no time, Vivienne calling down from her balcony, “It's simply exquisite, darling! Who knew our Commander had such taste?” Varric shrugging as if to say Not me.

Once outside, Dorian had to push through a wall of onlookers, all gawking at the sight before them. The Inquisitor slipped through almost effortlessly, turning to check for Dorian every few seconds.

Finally, they broke through the crowd and Dorian’s jaw nearly dropped. There were flowers everywhere; no patch of dirt in sight. Flowering ivy spiraled up and around the pillars and railings, columns tangled in vines. Each plain tree had been replaced with a flowering fruit tree; one apple, one cherry, one pear, and one orange.

The Inquisitor squeezed his hand to bring him back, saying in a sigh, “Isn’t it beautiful? Like a magic forest!”

Before he could turn to acknowledge her, the red head was already frolicking like a school girl, skipping and bounding through the garden, hoping to find every flower she could. Dorian watched her with a smile, shaking his head at how adorable she could be.

A sudden realization washed over him as he watched the young woman stand on her toes to reach an apple: she must be Cullen’s secret muse. Watching her enjoy every last bit of the garden, even the new insects that had been attracted by the plants, cemented this truth in his mind. Cullen was head over heels for Lyann Trevelyan.

After spending time with his friend amongst the flowers, admiring every scent, Dorian slipped away to consult Cullen on his next move. As he poked his head into the Commander's office, he saw Cullen excitedly pacing, grinning to himself.

“Do you know what a bouquet is, my friend? Perhaps something was lost in translation last we spoke.” Dorian teased, grabbing Cullen’s attention.

Cullen’s head shot up and he smiled widely, rushing over to Dorian to get his reaction. “Well? What do you think?”

Dorian chuckled at Cullen’ childlike glee. “I think you did an excellent job. Maybe a bit over the top, but I can certainly say it made an impression.”

Cullen nearly melted, “Oh, Dorian, I am so glad to hear it. Your advice was invaluable!”

Dorian grinned as he said lowly, “The Inquisitor especially liked it, might I add.”

Cullen’s eyes went wide as he blushed, straightening his back, “O-oh! Well, I suppose I should have run it past her first, but it’s a bit embarrassing to tell her my intentions. Josephine was good about keeping it confidential.” He rubbed at the back of his neck, glancing to the floor.

Dorian gave a hardy chuckle, “Oh I understand. Now, what did you have planned for the next step?”

Cullen froze. “Next…step? How many steps are there?”

Shaking his head, Dorian grabbed the blond by the shoulders and lead him to his desk.

“May I?” Dorian snatched a quill and paper.

“Step one: a sweet but generic gift to show your interest. Something to casually say ‘I might like you'. You already did that one. Following?”

Cullen nodded, leaning his elbows on the desk as he watched Dorian write.

“Alright. Step two: a more personal gift. Something you know they like. This shows them not only are you interested in them, but you’re interested in their interests as well.”

“Right…” Cullen chewed his lip.

“What is it?” Dorian sighed.

“I don’t know much about their likes. They aren’t very…direct. Ever.”

Well that doesn’t sound like Lyann… Dorian thought to himself.

Dorian had to restrain from rolling his eyes. “Well, in that case, an easy thing to get for someone indecisive is sweets. Candy, chocolate, biscuits, pastries. Things like that. Just get them sweets that remind you of them.”

Cullen looked utterly concerned. “Am I supposed to…guess what they…taste like?”

Dorian stared at him with a blank look, completely astounded. “No. What does that even—no, never mind, please don’t attempt to explain.”

After drumming his fingers on the desk for a moment, Dorian tried to be more clear—though he thought he had been plenty clear before. “Think of how they act, yes? Are they kind and sweet? Flowery and fun? Warm like spice?”

Cullen nodded along, seemly understanding this time.

Dorian smiled, placing a tender hand on the blonds arm. “I’ll leave you to it then."

__________

Several days later and not a word from Cullen, Dorian felt a bit anxious. Had he not been clear enough still? Did Cullen get too nervous to continue? Oh no, did he have a falling out with Lyann; she didn’t return his feelings?

Just as he began to lose himself in his nerves, despite having research to focus on, Dorian caught a subtle whiff of something delicious. It was warm and baked, but chocolatey and rich, and somehow tart all at once. Cullen must have asked the cooks to do their damnedest.

After a while the scent became too much, it was too intriguing, Dorian had to go to the kitchens and see for himself what was being baked. As he descended the stairs to Solas's area, the elf came from the main hall with a plate of goodies. Tarts and cookies and all sorts, laid out decoratively on a porcelain dish.

“My my,” Dorian quirked a brow, “Someone has a sweet tooth it seems.”

Solas didn’t look at him as he replied, “There is a spred out there. I would be a fool to turn down free food. Especially Orlaisian pastries.” He popped a fruit tart into his mouth.

Dorian exited to the main hall and was greeted by long dining tables over flowing with every dessert imaginable. Full cakes, cup cakes, full pies, hand pies, everything he loved and things he hadn’t tried before, but was more than eager to.

Everyone in Skyhold, and a few visiting nobles, huddled around the tables making sure to heap their plates, and at the front of the room, with a towering plate nearly spilling down her shirt, was the ever graceful Inquisitor, shoving candied dates into her gob.

“Well aren’t you looking marvelous today,” Dorian laughed as he approached.

“Hm? Oh, Dorun!” Lyann mumbled through half chewed food.

She took a second to chew and swallow before nearly shouting, “Isn’t this amazing?! Cullen and Josephine planned this in only a few days! I don’t know how they got it all here and kept it so fresh! It taste like it just came from the ovens, or maybe the Maker's own kitchen.” She swooned as she crammed another treat into her mouth.

Dorian chuckled, picking up a plate to load up himself. “Cullen planned this, did he? Any idea why?” He feigned curiosity.

“No idea,” Lyann shrugged, nearly dropping a pudding, “He usually doesn’t care about impressing nobles, so I don’t know who he’s trying to impress. Maybe he just felt like the troops deserved it!”

“Oh, I’d bet he’s trying to catch someone’s attention...” Dorian hinted, but the Inquisitor was already going in for seconds. Well, more like fourths.

Dorian shook his head with a smile as she walked off to her chambers with a mountain of sweets. Just as he began picking out his favorite treats, a soft voice spoke up behind him.

“Have you tried the jam biscuits yet? They’re heavenly. I might actually die if someone doesn’t stop me.”

Dorian turned around just in time to see Cullen with a jam cookie half way to his lips. Just as it was about to touch his tongue, Dorian snatched it away, downing it in one bite.

Cullen looked at him in shock, mouth still open to receive the sweet. They laughed together as Dorian tried to chew the mouthful.

“So? What do you think? Did I hit all the right flavors?”

Dorian chuckled, “If everything under the sun reminds you of them, then yes.”

Cullen sighed dreamily, “Everything…”

Dorian had only seen that look a handful of times, but by the Maker, it was his favorite expression on the blond. That look of complete adoration, losing himself to a daydream. It looked beautiful. He looked beautiful…

Dorian shook his head, reminding himself he was helping the man court someone else. The Inquisitor, of all people. But they seemed like a good match, both very…Ferelden.

When he looked back, Cullen was staring at him with bright eyes, an innocent smirk lopsided on his lips. Dorian smiled back.

“Is everything alright?” Cullen asked so gently.

Dorian swallowed hard before clearing his throat, “Yes, of course. Just thinking about your next step.”

“What’s that?”

Dorian led Cullen to a less crowded area of the hall. “Well, everything you’ve done so far has been very…grand. You may want to think about doing something one-on-one with them, personally.”

Cullen sighed, rubbing his neck. “Right, one-on-one…If you couldn’t tell, I’ve been trying to take an indirect approach.”

Dorian rolled his eyes, “But how are they ever supposed to know it’s you?”

“Well, I thought it would be rather obvious.” Cullen gave him a very confused stare.

“Listen,” Dorian sighed and shifted his weight, “they know it’s you, but you have to show that it’s for them.”

Cullen’s eyes lit up, “Oh! Oh, of course, I should have—I’m sorry Dorian I didn’t understand—”

“That’s alright, I just hope you’ve planned for something one-on-one, because I can’t help you with this next bit.”

“What?” Cullen’s eyes seems almost terrified, losing his only advisor.

Dorian wraps his fingers around the back of Cullen’s neck, pulling him closer so he could hear the whisper, “You must make this personal. I’m always willing to help, but I can’t tell you everything they like and how to fit it all together. That’s up to you, my friend.”

Cullen sighed and let his head fall forward, forehead almost leaning against Dorian’s. “Alright. I’ll try to do you proud.”

The mage smiled reassuringly, “You will, Cullen. Don’t worry.”

__________

After nearly a week without any word, Dorian received a surprise visit just as noon struck.

“Glad to see you haven’t given up. I was starting to wonder if you had gotten cold feet.” Dorian teased, slapping Cullen’s arm playfully.

Cullen grinned wide and chuckled, “Well, I’m not actually here for advice this time. I was wondering if you might come with me. I think I’ve found the perfect place for a date!”

“Oh?” Dorian was shocked by the confidence in the Commander’s voice. “What are we waiting for then? Need I pack a bag?”

“No, it’s not too far.” Cullen eyed him up and down, considering his outfit. “Though I might wear something more casual, were I you.”

Dorian looked down at his attire, about to ask why, when Cullen called back to him, already on his way, “I’ll meet you at the gates in an hour. Don’t be late.”

So he dressed down and packed a bottle of wine to sip at on the ride there. Where ever “there” was; Cullen was being awfully secretive about their destination, only repeating that it was the perfect spot for a date.

Just as the two had run out of things to banter about on the ride, Cullen stopped his horse by a gap in some trees.

“Through here. We’ll have to tie up the horses, I don’t think they’ll make it through the foliage.”

Dorian sighed an exasperate sigh, “Are we in for much of a hike? You know I get more exercise than I truly want while adventuring with the Inquisitor.”

Cullen chuckled and held some leaves out of the way for Dorian to duck under. After a short walk, Cullen looked back and smiled, “I think it’s beautiful out here. Tell me what you think.”

Dorian stepped forward through the last bit of trees to be greeted by the most sparkling, clearest, gentlest lake he’d ever laid eyes on. The water rippled steadily with the slight breeze, waves barely formed yet still enough to rock the lily pads and fallen leaves. The sun was just visible through the trees, but not enough to blind them, slowly lowering in the sky, ready shine orange and pink light across the water when dusk came.

“I…” Dorian couldn’t find his words, “Cullen, this is gorgeous…”

He looked back to Cullen who leaned confidently against a tree, pleased with the mage's reaction.

But as he turned back, Dorian remembered who all this was for, and it put a heaviness in his heart. His eyes dropped as he said “She’ll love this, Cullen. I know she will.”

Long moments went by with no response before Dorian felt a gentle hand on the small of his back.

“Who?” Cullen asked softly, seeing Dorian was upset.

“Lyann, silly. She’ll find this all so lovely, I’m sure.” He had a hard time keeping eye contact with the Commander, curious eyes meaning no ill intent.

“Lyann?” Cullen pulled back slightly. “Why would I bring her—”

Cullen’s eyes went wide as he muttered, “oh no…”

He stepped away to pace, continuing his “no”s under gus breath, thinking of something to say or do to make it right.

“Cullen? I don’t understand, what’s wrong?” Dorian followed his pacing, trying to grab his arm.

“I’ve screwed this up royally, that what’s wrong! Lyann?! You thought this was all for the Inquisitor?”

Dorian stopped in his tracks. “Yes? I saw how much she enjoyed everything you did, so I assumed…”

It struck him like a charging druffalo. “No.” He whispered. “For…for me?”

Cullen looked over his shoulder sheepishly, waiting for a better idea of Dorian’s reaction.

“All of it?” Dorian’s words were hardly voiced, sliding out along a whisper of disbelief.

Cullen turned around fully and began taking cautious steps toward Dorian, trying to gage if his surprise was good or bad.

As Dorian continued to stare forward, slack jawed, Cullen placed a warm hand on his neck, the other finding the mage’s chin and tilting his gaze up to lock eyes.

“Everything. Every flower, every tart, everything. I wanted to give you the world, but I didn’t know how to start. I wanted you to see I would do anything for you, Dorian. You want flower, I’ll plant you a garden. You want sweets, I’ll bring the world’s best bakers to you.”

Dorian’s eyes only showed more confusion. Cullen leaned forward, stopping just before their lips touched to whisper, “I love you.”

“You—” But the words were stolen from his lips as Cullen pulled him in, chest to chest, arms around his waist, surprisingly deft lips making him melt into the blond.

He lost track of time. It could have been seconds, minutes, maybe an hour, before they pulled away, each out of breath and shaking from a single shared shiver down their spines.

“That was…electrifying.” Cullen sighed, hugging the mage close.

Dorian could hardly think straight, just hugging Cullen back as he gathered his thoughts.

After a moment of silence, Dorian finally relaxed against Cullen and said, “I…didn’t think I could be so dense.”

They laughed together, Cullen pulling back to plant a gentle kiss to the mage’s nose.

“But in my defense,” Dorian began, returning to his regular self, “who asks the person they plan on courting for advice on how to court them?”

“Well, you liked everything, didn’t you?” Cullen teased back.

Dorian shook his head, still feeling like this couldn’t be real. But those eyes, those golden eyes…

“I…feel strongly about you, Cullen. I’d dare say I’m smitten.”

Cullen smiled even wider before placing a quick kiss to Dorian lips, stripping off his shoes and tunic with impressive speed, and jumping like a cannonball into the lake. Dorian put his hands up to shield his face from the splash, but his casual clothes soaked up the water on contact.

“Looks like you’ll have to let those clothes dry. What should we do in the meantime?” Cullen called over smugly.

“You little southern…” Dorian shook his head before stripping down and diving in himself, making sure to get Cullen in the face.

They laughed together as they splashed the other back and forth, stopping only to share a passionate kiss.

[cozy-neko]

The Cherry On Top • 02 • 03 | Charity stream disaster • 04

Kenma checked his stream overlay one last time to make sure everything was set up correctly. The streamer was only ten minutes away from his scheduled 24-hour charity stream that Akaashi had set up for him in partnership with the energy drink company, Black Sheep. For every donation Kenma receives during his live stream, all proceeds will be 100% donated to help animal shelters in need of supplies.

For once, Kenma was actually excited about a partnership. As a lover of cats and raising three rescues himself, it wasn’t particularly a hard decision for Kenma to make when Black Sheep had approached him and brought up the idea of a partnership and a charity stream campaign in conjunction with the animal shelter Black Sheep was associated with.

That was why when his sponsorship with Black Sheep had been threatened by a rumor, Kenma ultimately made a public announcement to deny the rumor and personally reached out to the PR/Influencer team at Black Sheep to talk it out with them.

Now, three minutes prior to going live, Kenma’s phone buzzed multiple times. He glanced at the lit up screen and rolled his eyes. It was Kuroo who was blowing up his phone, and Kenma had a fairly decent idea of what the texts were about.

Last week, Kuroo and Kenma had met up with Akaashi and Bokuto for their monthly dinner meet up when Akaashi had mentioned Kenma’s upcoming charity stream.

“A 24-hour stream is too easy for Kenma; the gremlin routinely stays up at least 36-hours once a week anyways.” Kuroo let out a barking laugh as he flipped the meat that was grilling in front of the four friends.

“That’s besides the point, Kuroo.” Kenma rolled his eyes and leaned back in the vinyl booth. “I’m doing a charity stream. All donations I get during the stream goes towards the animal shelter that Black Sheep partners with.” Kenma made sure to slowly emphasize the word “charity” when he explained his upcoming project.

“You know, I’ve never seen Kenma so excited about a project,” Bokuto quipped as he eagerly tucked into his meal.

“It’s for a good cause and Kozume was quick to say yes,” Akaashi added as he flashed a small smile towards the flushed streamer. Kenma still wasn’t used to hearing people praise him, no matter how often he was always featured in esports commentary and articles.

“I have three cat rescues myself, so it was a no brainer,” he mumbled, averting eye contact. He opted to push around the burnt pieces of meat with his chopsticks around his plate instead.

“Aw, you’re embarrassed that you got caught being openly excited for your next project!” Kuroo smirked and nudged his friend. It was all friendly-banter, and Kenma knew that Kuroo meant well and was extremely happy for him, but he flushed harder as Bokuto and Akaashi chimed in to cheer on their friend.

“I’m just being a nice person. Maybe you should try it some day,” Kenma shot back.

“What do you mean?” Kuroo scoffed. “I’m always a nice person.”

Akaashi and Kenma rolled their eyes at Kuroo while Bokuto let out a good-natured laugh at Kuroo’s response.

“Hey, wait! You know what you should do to make your 24-hour stream more spicy?” There was a mischievous glint in Bokuto’s eyes as he waited for his friends to respond. 

“Bokuto-san, whatever you’re thinking probably isn’t a go--” 

“Drunk 24-hour stream!” 

“Oh, nice!” Kuroo snapped his fingers and grinned his infamous Cheshire Cat smirk. Akaashi sighed and Kenma grimaced. 

"I’m not going to take ideas from two drunks. And we barely sat down to eat, how are you two this drunk already?” Kenma wrinkled his nose.

Kenma unlocked his phone and quickly scanned through his group chat. Yup. There it was: a barrage of texts from Kuroo asking Kenma if he had his booze ready followed by a spam of suggestive eye emojis by Bokuto. Kenma was quick to notice that Akaashi had purposely chosen to ignore the group texts and offered no help in diverting the suggestions.

Kenma snorted quietly at Bokuto's message as he locked his phone. He looked up at the monitor to his right and read some comments that were starting to flood in his stream chat. He gave his camera a small smile and leaned back in his chair, answering some questions that caught his attention and saying "hi" to others.

Kenma usually liked to start his stream off rather chill by interacting with his viewers. After playing his music playlist and adjusting the volume, he finally announced his agenda for the day after a few minutes.

"Today I'm partnering with Black Sheep for a charity stream. It's going to be a 24-hour stream and we're gonna spend most of the time playing some League. All donations I get will go towards helping an animal shelter which you guys know I'm all for." Kenma paused as his donation notification sounded and his text-to-speech setting began to read the donation to him and his viewers.

"meowriachi donated $25: 24-hour stream? too ezpz kodzuken"

Kenma laughed and ran a hand through his messy half-up styled hair.

"I was telling my friends about today's stream and Kuroo said the same thing. Maybe in our next collaboration we'll do a longer stream if you guys want that. We'll also be able to have more fun and do more things, too."

Kenma was smart and sneaky. He always was. Kuroo did always say he was the brains of the team back in high school when they played volleyball together. Kenma was good at analyzing situations, and because of this strength, Kenma knew when to use certain words and situations to create benefits for him and his career. This was no exception. The streamer knew Black Sheep would be moderating his stream, so now the company had slight pressure to partner with him again if there was an in demand from his fans. And this was Kodzuken we were talking about. There was no doubt Kenma knew there would already be a second sponsorship in the works.

Kenma smirked. Easy peasy stream indeed.

Kenma loved his job. He truly did. It wasn't every day someone could wake up every day and actually look forward to going to work, and for that, Kenma was thankful. He was thankful that he had the skillsets to do well in competitive gaming and that he had a knack of being able to pick up mechanics of new games so easily. He was thankful that he had a fanbase that enjoyed his commentary and sarcastic humor, and a fanbase that supported and helped him build his brand from ground up.

Kenma knew he owed one-third of his success to his fans and another one-third to his own hard work and passion. But Kenma also knew he owed the last one-third of his success to his friends.

Not once did Kenma regret making Akaashi his manager; Akaashi had gotten him way more sponsorships than Kenma himself could've if he was still balancing streaming, content creation, and managing his own projects.

Kenma was thankful for Kuroo for always challenging him to step outside his comfort zone. Even when Kenma was irritated and didn't want to hear Kuroo's words of advice and encouragement, Kenma was still grateful for it all.

And Bokuto. Kenma guesses he can be thankful for Bokuto for always hyping him up when he needed it the most. Especially when he was extremely hung over from a night out of (forced) drinking and had barely ten minutes to wake up and set up his stream on time.

Yes, Kenma was truly thankful for his friends. But right now, Kenma wanted to kill them. He wanted to kill Kuroo and Bokuto for coming over to his house uninvited even after he warned them not to and for raiding his stream in real life.

Right now, Kenma was seething. One, he was in the middle of a very important sponsorship deal. Two, he was in the middle of a ranked game in League of Legends and he didn't want to lose his winning streak. And three, his two goofball friends had showed up to his house with alcohol and announced out loud to his viewers that Kenma would now be participating in a drunk 24-hour stream.

Kenma doesn't remember the last time he got this mad. What's worse was that Kenma's fans were all for it. His stream chat was getting spammed with poggers emotes, and it was difficult for Kenma to admit that he had been getting more and more donations ever since Kuroo and Bokuto had shown up and the alcohol was brought out. And because of that, Kenma had begrudgingly surrendered and cracked open a White Claw.

Except he didn't stop only at one; not if Kuroo and Bokuto could help it. And at only about 5'8" with a smaller build, Kenma unfortunately fell victim to being a lightweight. And with Kuroo and Bokuto, kings of being instigators, were there to egg him on along with his stream chat, Kenma downed can after can.

Just a little something to take the edge off a work week, right?

end notes:

→ kenma’s twitch stream took me 30 minutes to piece together 😪

→ if you see the same comments on kenma’s twitch chat twice... no you didn’t 😀🔪

→ also peep the stream title change 👀

→ kenma’s the type to use scuffed candids of his friends as their contact photos, but it didn’t work out too well. he actually respects akaashi enough to use a decent photo, and bokuto never takes a bad photo. ever. i guess kuroo’s the only one he can easily clown.

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[icypantherwrites]

How do you get people to interact with your work? Especially on something that you spent hours slaving over and not a single person has interacted with it (except for the exception of my friends, who I'm very thankful for)? It's very disheartening. You know, I used to be kind of against the fact of 'interact with artists/writers/etc because it inspires them' because I thought 'why not just do it anyways, who cares if you get interacted with? You don't need to beg for comments' but now I totally understand what that means. I still want to write, I'm starting to love it honestly, but I wrote almost 2,000 words (which is a lot for me) and it took hours and no one seems to like it. I'm not sure how to feel about that yet. Did I post it at the wrong time, or do people just not care?

Ah, you have found the largest difference between "writing" and "posting." Writing, as you noted, is something you love to do, as do I. It's a fantastic feeling to get ideas down on a page, to pull together ideas, to write that line that just speaks to you. Writing is glorious and I'm glad you've found the beauty of it ♥

Posting, however, is very different and just like how they say everyone should work retail once in their life to understand it and learn some patience and empathy for those workers, I honestly I think everyone should have to spend hours creating something -- whether it's a story or a piece of artwork or a music video or even an in-depth analysis -- to post online and then get to experience that awful feeling of barely anyone (or even no one) engaging with it.

You write for you. You post for others. And that is a huge difference. People, even yourself as you noted, don't feel that they should have to engage with a creation. The person creating it should just enjoy the process and not care if no one stops by to say if they enjoyed it, what it made them feel, that they appreciate you sharing your time and talent and craft. But as you learned, we do care. And so we ask ourselves, why bother posting if there's no one there to appreciate it? You may as well just keep a personal folder of your works like a dragon and their hoard and never share it with anyone. I posted this quote a bit ago and I'm gonna paraphrase here, but if you have an audience of 1,000 people but no one engages it may as well be an audience of zero because you don't know those people are there. You don't know you have fans. You don't know people are looking forward to what you create. You have no idea they exist and it's a terrible, awful feeling.

It's why I so strongly advocate for reader engagement, in making that author, artist, creator feel appreciated. They spent their time to create something and they had the urge to share it, to connect to others. That's what being human is: connecting with others. And in this case it's connecting with others through art and a shared love of something (fandom) and wanting to get back just a little bit of what you put out. Because when a creator does get that engagement they crave it's amazing. Wonderful. Inspiring. It makes them want to create more (or maybe just post more often, cough, me) because they have an audience saying that they're here and that they appreciate you and it makes you want to continue to share your works rather than hoard them because you have now connected with someone.

And so now that you know firsthand how important that engagement is, be a part of the solution. Engage with stories and artworks and edits and whatever may have you that you enjoy. Tell that creator thank you. Quote back a favorite section or pull out a specific detail because that tells that creator you don't just care about quantity but about quality, that you see them and their efforts. I've made a post previously about some ideas to try to encourage engagement if you were interested and maybe a couple will give you some ideas to try to help with engagement on your stories. I can't say I use all of these things anymore myself, but sometimes all you need is a launching pad and some ideas. To your question about the time to post, I struggle very much with the timing as I've done polls and seen every day and hour suggestion there is so it's very difficult to say when to post, but I know for myself I do prefer posting earlier in the day.

I hope things improve for you and good luck with both your writing journey and your future engagement :)

[pinkcatharsis]

I dunno if I should legit continue this because I can’t remember where I was going with it. Read a prompt at @sloaners anon or a comment in one of their posts (fantastic art btw go check it out!) about Tsunade adopting a bb Tenzou and well. I wrote this and it’s unfinished and yeah.

I actually don’t even have a title for it. Was supposed to be an eventual YamaIru, too. Oh well!

—

Names have power, they say.

Tenzou can agree to a certain point because his experience from his missions, his targets, countless reconnaissance on high profile politicians has proven that people tend to cower from the syllables of a name if they are a threat.

Names carry prestige more than an identity.Names give history, are the pillars for legacy provided it is a name the people can accept. More often than not, it is a vessel for fear, control

They’re also a convenient excuse for people to either sing with high praise or forget because the truth is always a pill too hard to swallow.

Sometimes it lies ignored despite its great sacrifice to stop a rampaging monster, when the womb still bleeds fresh and a goodbye too soon falls from crimson lips. It is ignored because it is easier to hate someone helpless than to acknowledge a name that saved everyone.

Sometimes it is indifferent, distant, as cold as the unreadable, white irises of its clansmen.

Sometimes it lies abandoned, walls cracking, dust collecting over blood stained tatami mats where the weight of shame fueled enough strength to slice through flesh. Shame because of a choice to save one’s comrades as opposed to prioritising the mission.

Sometimes it is soaking in blood, whispers of its massacre echoing loud, and towards the end of it, the word traitor.

And sometimes, they’re just old, only remembered through history that is a core subject within the Academy walls, a prerequisite in terms of knowledge for every Konoha shinobi. They’re faded, scattered, heirless, visually only present through the carvings of stone that towers over the village.

Tenzou is conditioned to not pay any heed to something as trivial as a name. Not when he’s been conditioned, trained extremely well, that the only thing that matters is servitude to the village. That the name Konoha is the only thing of true value.

Greater people have sacrificed themselves for the good of village and now, their heir wanders Konoha’s walls shunned, sneered, hated, ignored. Their names hardly mattered in the present -- it’s like the Yellow Flash only exists as a tier to be achieved in terms of talent, hard work and mission success and nothing else. As if the man behind the legacy hardly existed.

Legacy means nothing, Tenzou realizes, in the grand scheme of things.

When you die, you just die.

It’s okay to die nameless.

*

Tenzou hears about Tsunade’s arrival tucked behind the cover of an open locker door. Apparently, Tsunade-hime is in the village for a visit. And like always, she has spent her first day sitting with her former sensei, having tea until she had flung the table across the room, out the window in a fit of uncontrolled, roiling rage.

“I think it’s because sandaime is asking her to stay,” one fellow ANBU says.

“No, it’s got something to do with her gambling debt for sure,” another says.

“Monkey says it has something to do with the council pressuring her to produce an heir,” a softer voice says.

“I thought she couldn’t?”

“Or she doesn’t want to?”

The conversation explodes, only coming to a sudden stop when the sound of a door opening puts a halt on the outright gossip that Tenzou shamefully has been eavesdropping on. Someone dares throw a table out the window in front of the Hokage? And the Hokage does nothing? Tenzou thinks back to Danzou an Root -- if any of them dared show such insubordination, that would mean at least half a day’s worth of lashings under the scorching sun and then dry fasting isolation for thirty-six hours. Not many tend to survive that but that would just mean they’re too weak to remain in Root, anyway.

“Don’t you guys have better things to do?” Kakashi’s voice cuts through with a drawl. It is followed by a series of locker doors shutting, rapid shuffling and then silence. “Oi, Tenzou. The Hokage needs you.”

Tenzou straightens, tugging his clean armor on and running a comb through his damp hair. He slams his locker shut and gives his senpai a wordless nod, acknowledging the summon.

*

A summon that suddenly renders him not so nameless anymore.

Tsunade is a towering figure, heals almost five inches high, back straight, eyebrows narrowed, hands on her hip and staring down at him like he’s a two year old.

“How old are you?”

“Fourteen,” Tenzou responds, keeping perfectly still. He isn’t intimidated by Tsunade’s persona. He’s just feeling a little too awkward because if Tsunade leaned any closer to examine him, her breasts would be ten centimeters too close to his face to be called professional, let alone proper.

“You are awfully small for a fourteen year old,” Tsunade tartly says, almost disappointed.

“I am a hundred and twenty nine and a half centimeters,” Tenzou agrees, well aware of how stunted his growth is. Danzou always factored his slow growth to the radiation and chemical exposure, a side effect to the experimentation Tenzou miraculously survived. But small doesn’t mean weak, Danzou had said, one of the few times he had been encouraging.

“Do you even eat, boy?” Tsunade scoffs.

“Yes. Five meals a day when I am in the village, continuously supplemented by calorically dense ration bars that Danzou-sama advised to--”

“Hah! Which one -- the one that tastes like sweet wet newspaper or the one that tastes like mouldy bread?” Tsunade snorts.

Tenzou finds himself stammering a little, glancing a little cluelessly at the Sandaime who is taking a very, very long drag from his pipe. Tenzou’s mouth quickly clamps shut before he can voice out his confusion. He can’t honestly say he knows what mouldy bread tastes like nor can he say he’s actually tried eating wet newspaper, let alone a sweetened one. So he goes with what he thinks is the correct response to this kind of inquiry. “The N-4150?”

“Sweet, wet newspaper. At least that old fart chose the better formula.” Tsunade rolls her eyes before taking - thank heavens - a proper step back.

Tenzou blinks once, altering between Tsunade now very put-upon expression and the Sandaime who is standing there as if he were part of the book shelf. “Hokage-sama, should I not continue consuming the N-4150?”

Sandaime rumbles an amused noise, blowing out a slow stream of tobacco smoke before he stands, rounding the table. “Why don’t you demonstrate your Mokuton skills for Tsunade, Tenzou? After all, that is the reason you were summoned here.”

It gets another eyeroll, with a bit of a scoff from Tsunade, who crosses her arms under her breasts.

“Yes, Hokage-sama,” Tenzou acknowledges.

He puts his hands together, channels just enough chakra and forms a small pot in his hands, slowly filling it with roots coiling until it sprouts green leaves, topped with large, black centered white poppies.

“Oh, white poppies,” Sandaime smiles, his face wrinkling. “An interesting choice. You see, Tsunade, Tenzou here has been studying botany for a year now. He’s a bit of an artist with his gardening. Tenzou, didn’t you recently start studying architecture as well?”

“I have only started reading some reference books three months ago, Hokage-sama,” Tenzou responds, with a bit of a nod, as his fingers tightens a little bit around the pot in his hands, not quite sure what to do with his creation-demonstration.

“Hmmm,” Sandaime hums, a touch bemused before he brings his pipe back up to his lips. “Reminds you of someone, doesn’t it, Tsunade?”

Tenzou looks at Tsunade, who in a space of a heartbeat looks far too young in a show of vulnerability, as her throat bobs when he swallows. It gets washed away when he clicks her tongue and turns to look at Tenzou, giving him a once over.

“Well, no one fucks with grandfather’s DNA, gets away with it and then keep it from me. Had it been anyone else but Danzou, Root of all places, I wouldn’t take issue! When did you discover your Mokuton skills, boy?”

“A year before I graduated from the Academy.” Tenzou swallows. “I was five years old.”

“Nine years! With that creep!” Tsuande shouts.

Sandaime’s tobacco inhale had to be the longest one Tenzou has ever seen.

Sandaime exhales, responding with a sigh, “Better late than never, hmm?”

“Fine.” Tsaunde grouches. “I’ll do it. Tenzou, you can call me okaa-san when you’re ready.”

The pot drops from Tenzou’s hands.

“Eh?”

Tenzou thinks it's a good response. Given the proverbial punch to the face he’s just received.

*

It’s not that Tenzou wants to say he cares much for the idea of family.

It’s more like he doesn’t quite know what to do with it.

(What does family even mean?)

So Tenzou, much like every other time he gets moved around like he’s no more than a potted plant, agrees.

Not like it really matters, right?

He thinks of it as just having another sort of… superior?

*

A superior that Tenzou apparently now gets to live with after all of those paperwork.

In a large, inherited estate, closed off, covered in wildly growing flora and fauna. The estate does not look like it’s been lived in for decades. There is damage from the growth of vines, some of it poking through the tatami doors, and getting to the interior of the house. There are a few soda cans littered around the gate, some old, some new. Likely the result of dares from the younger crowd of Konoha.

The once heralded Senju estate that Hashirama and Tobirama and their families once resided in is now nothing more than a shadow of its former glory. Uncared for. Outdated. Obsolete.

“Well,” Tsunade huffs. “I haven’t seen this place in, hmm, ten years maybe? Maybe twelve? Tche, what a dump.”

Tsunade toes an old, faded orange soda can by her heel, kicking it further away.

Tenzou wishes he’s no more than a spore in the ground. Should he say something? He may be a Senju by name and by experimental DNA, but that doesn’t really make him a Senju-Senju.

It’s just circumstances.

“Well? What do you think, kid? You like the house?” Tsunade holds her hand out at the once upon a time regal grounds, now overgrown with weeds and littered with random junk.

Tenzou looks at the estate again and decides to go with the most diplomatically acceptable response there is in this case.

“It’s a lot bigger than my apartment,” Tenzou politely responds, as his eyes stray towards the patch of wildly growing rosary pea and oleander growing by the gate.

Tsunade’s booming laughter echoes throughout the entire compound, bemused and real. She doubles over, slapping a hand on her knee, her laugh tapering off to a bit of a wheeze. It almost sounds nervous. A little hysterical even.

Tenzou tilts his head to the side, staring up at this woman, this new mother of his, a legendary sannin, one of the most if not the best, medic there is in the country.

Would it be rude to ask her if she is okay?

“Kid,” Tsunade snorts, shaking her head, reaching out to ruffle Tenzou’s long hair. “I like your sense of humor. You and I are going to get along just fine.”

*

Tsunade asks to see his apartment.

And then proceeds to wear what Tenzou can only assume is her analytical face. It’s peppered with a little judgment, too.

Tenzou’s current apartment is a shoebox in size, with enough space for a single bed, a small sectioned off wall by the door turned to a makeshift kitchen and a connecting bathroom that Tsunade, no doubt, will have to carefully manage her long limbs.

“You like it here?” Tsunade asks, her lips twisting at the sight of the old hotplate on the tiny kitchen counter.

“It serves its purpose.” Tenzou shrugs.

“That wasn’t my question,” Tsaunde prompts, turning that analytical gaze back to Tenzou.

Tenzou frowns, resisting the urge to reach up and rub the back of his head in partial confusion, partial irritation. It’s a comfortable space -- what is she on about? Having an opinion on something as trivial as a living space serves no purpose in the betterment of Tenzou’s skills in the field. It has no correlation to his successful mission counts. Liking something or anything for that matter doesn’t make missions easier or harder, either.

Unsure of how to respond, Tenzou resorts to Danzou’s advice when it comes to undercover. If you’re caught in a tight spot, the easiest thing to slip out of attention is to either blend with your surroundings or mirror the person in front of you.

Tenzou goes for the mirror, sloping his eyebrows down the same way Tsunade is, relaxing his shoulder to what looks like a wary slump, canting his head just the tiniest bit to the side, and responds with what he hopes is a conclusion to this conversation, “It’s all right.”

Tsunade goes quiet for a while, before she sighs slowly and curses under her breath.

“Let’s try this again,” Tsunade sighs, gesticulating with her hand towards the entirety of the small apartment. “What do you think would make this space better suited for you? Take into consideration that you are also currently studying botany and architecture.”

Tenzou looks at the small stack of reference books he had borrowed from the public library, how he has to do most of his reading on the bed. If he had to sketch on drawing paper, he usually does so on the ceiling given the lack of floor space and a full flat wall that isn’t lined with bulging pipes or the sil of the window, with the paper taped on the corners. Makes it easier for him to get on his knees and practice his pencil sketches.

“Then that’s something you should consider when you fix our house, hmm?”

Oh. So he’s fixing it.

Well.

Okay, then.

—

And yeah that’s all I got. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[bookwyrminspiration]

wait is it quil appreciation hours? ok ok wait

you're such a cool person to have on this platform, and you're so nice and not at all scary, and your writing is just so wonderful, in your character analysises and in your fic

seriously- you answer asks in such a nice way and you're really cool about it, even when people send like literal essays into your inbox, and you write like full paragraphs of things whenever people send you art, which is insane and wonderful and i can't believe it /pos

being a newer member in this fandom can be a little bit scary at times because there are so many really big blogs and a lot of them have been around for a while so that's kind of intimidating, but your blog is really nice and welcoming and really cool!

and your analyisises are super well written and thought out, even when people send you like random headcanons or jokes or whatever, they're all super interesting to read through

and the wings au! i have no words to express how much i love the wings au- it's a full kotlc book but with better characters and WINGS and so many interesting little tidbits, it's wonderful

anyways i'm bad at english and adjectives but i love your blog so much

i--quil appreciation hours. you've named it now. apparently it is?? so many people have sent so many nice asks over the past few days and I'm just sitting here like :0 (i mean this in a fun way! i'm just flummoxed as to how I keep getting so many compliments!)

I have a lot of fun being on this platform, so I'm glad you like having me here! i hope to continue being nice for the rest of time--your compliment means so much to me. you're all equally as kind and interesting to be around and interact with, so it's delightful to know its reciprocated!

and you're complimenting my writing! ah!! thank you! literature and writing is a big part of my life and how I express myself sometimes, so it's very rewarding (and sometimes nerve-wracking) to be able to share it with all of you and just vibe together. just so many thoughts in my brain all the time and I can make them make the most sense when I type them out and oftentimes it feels like I haven't fully explained myself--especially when it comes to the character analysis--and yet you all are so supportive and encouraging anyways. it's just really cool to be part of this whole community <33

I try to be nice when I answer asks and just generally be encouraging of other people's ideas!! and I try to reciprocate and give everyone the time they deserve, because I want to explore all the avenues of their idea! I probably average between 15-30 minutes on each ask, but it really just depends on how distracted I get in the process and whether or not I need to reference a book or anything (fun fact! there are currently three keeper books just laying in my bed). and people sending literal essays just means there's more to talk about! and they've given me a lot of different perspectives to approach their thoughts from! I can't help but laugh a little about your comment on my paragraphs of art comments when i literally just did that before answering this one. but yes!! I know just how much long, in depth comments on art (including writing/edits/gifs/other medias) can mean to an artist, so i try to spread that and make sure when I'm complimenting someone, I'm genuinely complimenting the specifics of what they've done. i can be general and just say it looks cool or I like it (which is also fine! there's not one right way to comment and all comments are appreciated!), but I just prefer to let them know that I noticed some of the details and I understand the time that was put into their work. people's creations are so cool and I want to encourage them to keep creating as long as it makes them happy <33

I honestly don't remember my new tumblr days, but I do know that in the kotlc fandom it can feel like there are these big, established blogs and everyone just flocks to them and there's all these relations and connections going on that you just feel like you're missing out on. things like casually using other's names and referencing other things can make you feel really out of the loop--I've been here for years and it still happens to me! so I love that my blog feels welcoming. I try to be! don't fully know what I'm doing but i'm trying! it often involves a lot of exclamation marks. i should probably tone it back on those, it's getting excessive

oof you've just reminded me that I need to update my masterpost on character analyses--but thank you! I have a lot of fun writing them and just thinking them all through and they're one of the first things that really stood out as a specifically me thing in the fandom, so it's always exciting to hear people enjoy them as much as I do. (this isn't to say I invented character analysis or that I'm the only one whose ever done them, I just have no memory of anyone else really focusing in on that aspect within the fandom until I did it, but I could be wrong about that!) all the random headcanons i get give me the opportunity to apply a lot of what i've analyzed in these characters already, taking it from pulling them apart to trying to put together the pieces in a way that's consistent with how I understand them, so i love to go more in-depth on those. and they give me more of a chance to ask questions back to you all!!

and then the wings au! I say it all the time but I genuinely surprises me a lot when people just mention they've read it and i just go :0! my wings au?! my writing? that's the one you like?? and you're right! it does actually qualify as novel length, so it could be another book! except I just wanted to add wings and more drama and monsters, and I wanted to ignore the romantic drama for a while. there's so many elements of the characters that I feel get pushed to the side in favor of exploring the romance in canon, which just isn't personally for me. i really just went "i can fix them" and rewrote them just slightly to the left. but I think it's a lot of fun! and i'm very glad you're enjoying it, because there's still a lot to get through! it's not ending anytime soon! luckily for me tho, we've still got another year before the next book is released and completely changes how I could need to structure my worldbuilding. i'll probably finish it before then...no promises tho!

i'm thrilled you like my blog!! I have so many posts and just so many things I love to talk about so I'm ecstatic you'd want to listen! I'm just as verbose irl as I am online--my partner can attest to that. nearly every time we see each other I just talk at them for hours! english and adjectives can be very complicated, even with experience, but I love you so much (/p) and am very glad you're here!!

[imaginethathaikyuu]

kinktober 2020 faq // prologue

alright mothers and fuckers, kinktober is right around the corner and just like last year, we got an faq! 

i’m making this post to answer some faq’s and to preface the event, that way there’s one place you can all find all of my kinktober info. (yes a lot of this is copy and pasted from kinktober 2019′s faq, cuz i am Lazy)

PSA: if you’re not into this event and don’t wanna see the posts, please blacklist the “kinktober 2020″ tag, as that’s the tag i’ll be using throughout the month for my kinktober fics! 

ok now take this faq:

what is kinktober? - definition taken from fanlore: “Kinktober is a multifandom prompt based challenge that encourages the creation of erotic fanworks, mostly fanfiction and fan art, that focus on specific kinks. Taking place during the month of October.” so basically its just 31 days of smut

what prompts are you using? - these, a prompt list created by myself 

can i use your prompt list for my own kinktober event? - sure thing, go for it! you can credit, or not, i don’t mind either way 

what does X prompt even mean? - a lot of the prompts this year aren’t technically kinks, they’re just... prompts. it was more fun for me that way. i recommend using google for ones that seem foreign, but there will be definitions or explanations in the note on the fic for those that need them

what characters are you including? - the character list isn’t being posted, characters will be revealed as the scenarios are posted. you know, to add some suspense

is X character included? - if the character you’re wondering about is quite popular, then yea, probably. if not, then, who knows. many people have asked about specific characters, and sometimes i answer, sometimes i don’t. i like keeping things a surprise, so i tend not to answer, but sometimes i like to throw yall a treat and let you know who’s in once the event starts, i won’t be answering any of those questions. just wait and see! 

why didn’t you include X character? - there are only 31 days of october, but there are more than 31 characters in haikyuu. because of that, some characters had to be left out. there was nothing i could do to change that. because of that issue, i held a kinktober roster poll a few months back, and the characters who received the most votes were picked first. after that, i chose those who i wanted to include. if you want to see a kinky scenario for someone who isn’t included, i do take requests after kinktober ends, so visit my ask box!

what time are scenarios going to be posted? - i’ll have posts scheduled (hopefully) most days, probably around 3 pm EST. for those that aren’t scheduled, honestly who knows the time i’ll post them (if they aren’t scheduled that means they aren’t finished yet.) i work a couple days a week, so that throws a wrench into times i can post - i really just recommend turning on my post notifications and being patient. please don’t ask when or if i’m posting it - even if they’re not on time, they’ll be up, don’t worry 

isn’t this a bit too much smut? yep

i thought i’d include some questions i received on the kinktober poll i put out a few months back, just to spice things up and answer some concerns more directly: 

- perhaps go a little further or explore each concept more? your writing is beautiful but for a lot of the fics i felt a tad underwhelmed. Or maybe i'm just really thirsty and wanted more smut lmao

- Maybe make them a little longer (?). I know it’s a lot of work. I could never do what you do so I’m not trying to demand more of you. So please don’t take it that way. I just enjoy longer reads in general. Idk please don’t be offended. I love your work so much.

- I would like it if scenarios were a lil longer but if that’s not possible that’s completely okay! That’s just me being picky bc I rlly don’t have any criticisms

- this was by far the most common comment i received (i only showed three here but there were More.) to be honest, i think i could have done a better job at wrapping up the fics last year. i think the issue was that a lot of them just ended, because i didn’t have the time or energy or ideas to end them well, and that tends to leave the reader thirsty for more unfortunately, the idea of making each fic longer in a way that adds more smut rather than just wrapping it up nicely at a good enough spot is nearly impossible because of just how much work that adds. it’s a lot less efficient to add 1k words to a fic that needs to be posted the next day, when i haven’t even started the fic that’s going up the next week yall are thirsty. there are 31 days of smut and yall still want them to be longer. THIRSTY!!!!! however there are much longer fics this year, so hopefully i can feed you all well :p

Umm there were a couple that had a one-sided kink and the other partner never got pleasured. Whether it was the reader or the character. Like the Tendō one or the Futakuchi one. Favs of mine, but they ended with the implication that more would happen but we didn’t get to see it. And I know it’s not part of the kink, but it’s be cool to include how it plays out from there if you could cos I always love seeing both sides pleased! Sorry if that’s weird

- yeah, that was kind of the point of a few of the kinks i featured last year, and again i think it’s just a matter of ending those stories better. i really hate when fics end in implications for more, it honestly is the lazy way out of a fic, but sometimes as a writer who’s posting a lot at once, i have to take the lazy way and accept that the fic could’ve been better if i had the time or energy or skill for it. i don’t like the idea of kinktober being quantity over quality, but there are rare times where i just have to make that exception in order to succeed with the event. what can ya do! 

tbh i wasn't really a fan on semi's! it was great to read when it came out but it was kinda weird to reread when it wasn't halloween

- all i’ll say is i probably should’ve taken this feedback into consideration before writing semi’s fic this year ... anyway 

Probably just more research on the said kink(s) you’ll write.

- not sure which fics or kinks this was in reference to, but yeah you’re right i could’ve done more research for a few of them. but sometimes mistakes happen, like with oikawa’s when i got two kinks confused and had to change his prompt last minute, and things slip through the cracks of my small brain. and as much as i can research, i’ll still never know everything about every kink i write about. i think most of last year’s fics captured their kinks well enough, though! 

Make some more of the stories, one-shots, type things gender neutral if possible

- i always try my best! it can be tricky with smut but it can be done, and i do always try. i’m wondering if it would be okay or helpful for some to label some fics that don’t include pronouns/gendered language but have a “fem presenting” reader as “afab reader,” mainly because it’s tricky to write smut without mentioning body parts, however avoiding gendered language when writing is much easier. if it would be better than labeling those it applies to as “fem reader” then i would much rather go with that to make more of my fics accessible to more people! i’m not sure if that’d be helpful or correct, so please feel free to give me feedback on this if you have any insight and correct me if this wouldn’t be cool!

- 

please be patient with me when it comes to answering asks and posting these scenarios. i’m kinda pretty stressed about failing, and i’m trying my hardest - even though i started writing these in july, it still feels like there’s not enough time to prepare.

thank you for giving me a reason to even have events like these. i love you all, dear friends, and i appreciate every bit of support you offer me. thank you so much for your excitement, the kind words you’ve left in my ask box and on the kinktober poll, and for supporting my writing at all. i hope you’ll all enjoy this next month of smut! 

[salt-warrior]

WHEN EARTH TURNS TO ASHES

Masterlist

Chapter Eleven: Little Miss Independent

"Stop beating yourself up, Crown." Thorne shoved in another bite of waffles, boysenberry jam staining his lips purple as he did so. "It's not your fault that you're the nosiest person on the planet and she hates herself. Get over it."

Kai rolled his eyes. Thorne was a great friend; he was always there for Kai no matter what. But he was the worst at giving sane advice or motivational speeches. "It just wasn't my business."

"You really should have gone into journalism," Thorne said, his words slurred by the food in his mouth. Kai looked down, his heart heavy at the comment.

When Kai had been young, he had wanted to do nothing more than write, and his mother had encouraged that. His father had even been fine with the whole idea, even if it meant that Kai would not go into the family business. All of it had changed when Kai's mother had died. Kai stopped writing—stopped doing most things he loved. It was too painful.

"Yeah," Kai muttered. "I should have."

"Anyways," Thorne waved his fork erratically through the air, nearly spraying Kai with blue jam. "You need to just rip the bandaid off. Show her that you care— more than you should if you ask me–" Kai glared. Thorne sighed. "She really needs someone on her side, even if she thinks she's little-miss-independent."

Kai looked down into his mug, completely empty except for small flakes of chocolate. It wasn't that Kai didn't want to talk to Cinder—quite the opposite, really. He just didn't want to scare her away. He would never be able to forgive himself.

"It's just, there's something dark about her. She's hiding something," Kai remarked.

"Gee, thanks, Captain Obvious. I don't think I ever would have figured that one out on my own." Thorne threw his arms around his head in exasperation, before ticking off fingers. "I mean, she freaks every time someone calls her by her given name, she had a sister that died while they were alone together and no one will say how it happened, and everyone she once knew hated her. I wonder what that girl has to hide."

"Okay, okay!" Kai drummed his fingers anxiously across the square table. "I'm only thinking out loud, no need to go ballistic."

Scraping chunky jam out of a plastic container, Thorne rubbed it lovingly across the last of his waffles. Kai watched, nose scrunched in disgust. Kai hated berries. They were just too sour, too mushy, and left the back of your tongue scratchy. They were gross.

Thorne smothered whipped cream on top of his creation, practically drooling all over it. "Oh, hey, I almost forgot. Did you learn anything from the Principal or that Chris girl?"

"Cress," Kai said quickly, his palms growing sweaty.

"What?" Thorne looked up, confusion scrawled across his fair features.

"Her name is Cress, not Chris." Kai clarified, his cheeks heating up as he babbled. "And your incredible timing stopped me from learning anything really important, so thanks for that."

An impish grin came across Thorne's face, and Kai knew what he was thinking. If ultra-red was a color, then ‘Kaito Crown's face when talking about pretty girls’ could have been the crayon for it. "Yes, she was cute, but not my type, so please don't ask."

"Ah," Thorne slapped a hand dramatically across his heart. "I would never suggest anything of the sort. I know how attached you are to your hot angel." Thorne quirked an eyebrow devilishly.

"Well, what were you going to ask, then?" Kai grumbled, turning his blazing face down. He hadn't much thought about Cress, considering that she had a mysterious past with the girl he was fighting for. He didn't know if Cress had been a positive or negative factor in Cinder's life, which therefore made her hard to look at in any other way than a source of information.

Thorne played around with his fork before answering, "Well, you must have found out something new. Even the tiniest bit of news. I mean, unless you're hiding it from me." Thorne grinned wickedly, and Kai cursed himself mentally. "You're a terrible liar, Crown."

"Okay, fine. I just feel guilty about the whole thing." Kai rubbed his palms against his sleepless eyes. "When I went to talk with Cress, she told me that Selene—Cinder—kept a bunch of secrets." Kai paused, gauging Thorne's face. He looked almost bored, which send a stab of agitation through Kai.

"And?" Thorne pressed on impatiently.

Kai sighed. "And she told me that Cinder lied about what happened to her mom. Even her records don't have the truth; I would know. The nurses told me that Sel– Cinder's mother was put into prison when she was only six, but apparently that's not true."

Thorne motioned impatiently for Kai to continue, but Kai shrugged his shoulders. Thorne huffed. "What actually happened to her mother?"

"Well, I would know if it weren't for your incredible timing." Kai leaned forward in his seat, glaring at Thorne.

"Hey! You told me to call the second the girl woke up. You can't blame me for a job well done," said Thorne defensively.

Kai threw his body back in his seat, feeling exhausted. He was used to getting a solid eight hours of sleep, but that had gone out the window ever since the accident. It was starting to wear on him. "I know, Thorne. And thank you for being there, it meant a lot."

"It better have." Thorne folded his arms across his chest defensively. "That girl of yours is not an angel."

A chuckle escaped Kai, earning a glare from Thorne. "She's a piece of work!"

"She's not easy," Kai admitted, thinking back on his only encounter with a conscious Cinder. She was different than anyone Kai had ever met, one moment rageful and fiery, and in the next small and pitiable. It was hard for Kai to feel anything but compassion for someone who had clearly suffered much. She had fought her whole life, never leaving her enough time to feel peace or love.

There was something so terribly sad about the fact that Cinder couldn't understand why Kai would save her. She was just a girl—not a woman, but a girl—and she needed at least one person on her side. If that one person was Kai, then he would be one damn good cheerleader.

"Why was she so mad at you in the first place? What did you say to her?" Kai asked, recalling the phone call and Cinder's brief acknowledgment to Thorne's visit. "She seems to hate you even more than me."

Thorne waved his hand as if swatting a fly. "Oh, you know. Some women just can't take no for an answer is all."

"Carswell, please tell me you did not flirt with her the second she woke up. She nearly burned to death!" Kai exclaimed, imagining all of the terrible puns and flirtatious jokes Thorne could have made.

"Oh, don't get your panties in a wad." Thorne rolled his eyes. "I was perfectly pleasant as always."

"No wonder she hates me so much," Kai grumbled to himself. "I unleashed you on her, and now she's probably frightened to death! She's only nineteen, Thorne."

"And I'm only twenty-two." Thorne countered.

Kai put his head in his hands, his face flushing with embarrassment and... was that jealousy? How could Kai be jealous that Thorne had tormented a girl with his flirtations, or was it the fact that Thorne was able to flirt with her?

Thorne seemed to read Kai's face like a book. He leaned forward teasingly, his voice sing-songy. "Ooh, is Kaito jealous? But of what, may I wonder?" Thorne rested his cheek in his hand, looking like a gossiping school-girl. Kai had hardly ever wanted to hit him more.

"Not jealous." Kai got out through his teeth. "I just don't want you messing with her. She's been through enough."

"Sure, sure." Thorne tossed the words around teasingly. "Anyway, she's not my type. I've always had a thing for gingers. Those devil's wenches. I was thinking about asking out the other nurse."

Kai ignored this, knowing as well as anything that Thorne preferred blondes. Thorne had only ever been out with one redhead, and that date had not been his best.

"I just don't know what to do," Kai whined, getting back on track. Whenever Thorne was involved in a conversation things always got out of hand.

"Go talk to her. She's had a night to think things through and realize that she was rude and irrational. Appeal to your gentler side; women like that."

Kai wrinkled his nose, deciding that was enough advice for one day. It was true that Cinder had been given plenty of time to think things over and decide how she felt. It was unfair of Kai to shove so much information on her all at once. He would be slower, more patient and gentle this time.

"Thanks, Thorne," Kai said, standing from his seat and sliding his body into his coat.

"Anything for my brotha," Thorne winked, throwing out a fist.

Kai bumped Thorne's fist with his own, twisting it and then spinning his fingers before he walked away and out of the café.

***

"How are you doing today, Cinder?" A nurse with vibrant blue braids practically skipped into the room, carrying a tray with milk, chocolate pudding and something that resembled oatmeal. Cinder tried not to wrinkle her nose. At least this nurse had called her by her preferred name.

The first nurse that Cinder had met had been curvy and dark-haired. She had called Cinder 'Selene' so many times that Cinder had yelled for her to stop. The second nurse hadn't spoken at all to Cinder, except to ask her the rudimentary questions, though that may have been the night-shift speaking.

"Fine." Cinder commented, not in the mood for conversation. There was a TV going on in the background, but Cinder had only glanced at it for a few seconds before growing bored. She would much rather be reading a book. Those at least didn't make her eyes burn and head throb.

The room was plainly furnished, with the bed in the center of the room, the said TV across from the bed, and a small plastic chair beside the bed for visitors.

"I brought your breakfast, and your medicine. Now that you're awake, we want to start you on oral medication and ween you off your IV so you can go home." The nurse placed the tray on the over-bed table. "I'm Iko, by the way."

Cinder ignore the last part. "Wasn't I in a medically induced coma? Why didn't they just keep me awake and give me my medication like a normal person?" Cinder questioned, her words tinged with agitation.

"It's part of the treatment," Iko said, her voice cool but firm. She was not a woman to be messed with. "People heal better while sleeping, and this particular treatment can be tricky."

Iko moved around the bed to shift Cinder into an upright position. She fluffed the pillows, and smoothed down the blankets in an affectionate fashion. Cinder almost felt guilty for being so bitter toward such a kind person.

There was something reassuring about Iko's presence. Cinder relaxed her shoulders, not realizing how tense she had been. She had been putting up a mask for so many years; it was nice to let it down, even for a second.

"Take these," Iko handed Cinder a small cup with an assortment of colored pills. Cinder put them all in her mouth at once, washing them down with a chug of milk that made Cinder almost gag. She had never been fond of dairy products, but she didn't want to be a snob.

The nurse seemed to dance around Cinder's bed, fixing monitors and IV bags, changing the lighting, turning the volume down on the TV. She appeared to know exactly what Cinder needed the most to make her comfortable. It was an odd sensation, to be cared for. Cinder hadn't experienced anything of the sort in too many years.

After seeming to finish with her practicality, Iko settled down in the plastic chair next to Cinder's bed. She clasped her hands daintily in her lap and smiled at Cinder. Only then did Cinder begin to marvel at the ageless quality Iko possessed. Her dark skin was clear and unblemished, her golden eyes bright, yet wise, and her blue braids gave her spunk.

"So," Iko smiled teasingly. "You seem to have a couple of male admirers. I hope that I'm not stepping the line when I ask you which one would happen to be your lover."

That took Cinder aback. Her shoulders tensed, and while normally she would have been agitated, or even mad with such an assumption, all Cinder could manage was a laugh. And laugh she did; big, ugly, loud laughing that shook the bed and caused the heart monitor to race.

Iko stared at Cinder in astonishment, and looked nearly appalled when Cinder began to cough and choke. She stood from her seat, placing a hand over Cinder's chest and muttering about smoke inhalation.

"You thought–" Cinder coughed, unable to control her laughter, "–that I was–" A wheezing began at the back of Cinder's throat. "–with one of those stupid–"

"Hey, hey," Iko was practically yelling at Cinder. "Stop with that, or you'll stop breathing soon enough. Hey!" Iko grabbed Cinder by the shoulders, trying to calm her.

Cinder stopped laughing, though it was gradual. She coughed once more before regaining her composure and staring at her befuddled nurse. "I'm okay." Cinder wiped at her eyes, though no tears had escaped. That was odd.

"I'm sorry," Cinder whispered, her voice hoarse. "It's just, I've never met either of those men before. I only know Kai because he saved me and I'm guessing Thorne is the guy that dared him to do it."

Iko softened and looked as if she were about to say something, but someone else, hidden in the shadows, spoke before she could.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt, but I would like to speak with Miss Linh."

[tog-resources-archive]

Hello fellow fan who has been here since the beginning! I come from the “other side” I suppose, in that I do think the top/bottom discourse is worth talking about. It has to do with the elephant in the room which I haven’t seen anyone touch on – self-identified top!joe fans (in contrast to simply fans who enjoy or prefer content where joe tops). I remember the original top/bottom discourse coming out of a more general conversation about trends in fic (1)

Thank you fan!anon for sending me such a long, detailed message! Never apologize for writing me an essay since I always seem to be writing essays for other people in return lol. Also sorry it took a while to get to! This required a bit of preparation. You’ve given me a lot to respond to. I’m going to be putting the entirety of the ask under the cut and the tl;dr because this one is very, verrrryyyy long. 

Tl;dr- fan!anon talks about the history of top/bottom discourse in TOG and the issues of racism in our fandom. My response: my own feelings on the history of the top/bottom discourse in TOG and the current state of it. General issues I’ve observed in this fandom and the current discourse. Also, we shouldn’t ignore fandom racism, but I don’t think we should be looking at it through the lens of top/bottom, AND I think we should be focusing on misogyny, homophobia, etc. in addition to racism. Not ignore one for the other. 

Bottom line though, don’t harrass people, block people if you need to, focus on what you love, support fan creation and let’s try to be a better fandom. 

Okay, time to dig in!

Hello fellow fan who has been here since the beginning! I come from the “other side” I suppose, in that I do think the top/bottom discourse is worth talking about. It has to do with the elephant in the room which I haven’t seen anyone touch on – self-identified top!joe fans (in contrast to simply fans who enjoy or prefer content where joe tops). I remember the original top/bottom discourse coming out of a more general conversation about trends in fic (1) wherein Joe was more violent, less empathetic, often not religious, more aggressive in sexual scenarios, and also most often topping. People asked the fandom in general to simply consider, if that is how they perceive Joe, to reflect for themselves about implicit biases that could be colouring that interpretation. The self-identified top!joes used that conversation as a starting point to argue that the above interpretation of Joe, (2) and writing/drawing Nicky as smaller, almost twink-like, demure, more feminine (or writing fic where he was de-aged) was justified by canon (if you recall the multi-day argument about the approximately 1 inch height difference between Marwan and Luca) and connecting those ideas to top!joe just “making more sense” to them. In the hands of a good writer (of which we are blessed to have many in this fandom!), which character tops in an explicit fic is of no consequence to me. (3) But the concept of top!joe has, in my mind, become so closely tied with those fans who, a) interpret these characters and actions in a way that seems influenced by racial stereotypes and tropes and b) use that characterization as “justification” for top!joe. All this when I thought we all agreed that position preference has nothing to do with personality? (4) If someone sees Joe as a very masculine, aggressive, dom-type character (which is a bit of a one-note characterization to start, but I digress), that shouldn’t be related to him being a “top”, correct? Yet that is the interpretation and connection that the top!joes themselves make. So that’s why to me, the top/bottom framework continues to have some value, eve though in an ideal world it wouldn’t: (5) because some fans connect what should be a neutral sexual position preference to an interpretation of Joe’s character, an interpretation which I think doesn’t do him justice. I understand if you don’t want to publish this but I’m hesitant to talk off anon due to how heated this whole conversation is. I also don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or make them feel bad about how they are participating in the fandom, but I do think self-reflection in terms of how we engage is valuable. (6) And just to fully reiterate in case it wasn’t clear, my above points are specifically referring to who I think of as “top!joe only” fans as opposed to fans who enjoy or prefer content in which joe tops – only the former of which I am wary of. Anyways, sorry for this long message, and I hope I've been able to explain my reasoning. If we continue to disagree, thanks for reading this anyways and continuing the dialogue. Thank you also for promoting femslash events and content! (7)

So....I did say in a previous post that I’m not a big fan of hearsay, and I’m sorry but… that’s kind of what you’ve given me. A lot of “this is what Top!Joe Only people have said” and “this is what the rest of the fandom has said back.” I have to ask, who are these “Top!Joe Only” people that are on the other side of this fandom war? Who are the people representing the “rest of the fandom”?  The only names I could really come up with myself are the Top!Joe Server mods as top!Joe only fans, and they haven’t exactly been active recently. Not to mention the Top!Joe server mod @karanoidandroid was the focus of the Art Theft and Bullying debacle a while back (here) which even if you disagree with her… that’s not the way you treat people. Full stop. 

But anyway, to break this down, you’ve said that top!joe only fans wanted to interpret Joe in a way that was “more violent, less empathetic, less religious, more sexually aggressive, and topping (most of the time)” and that Nicky is “smaller, more twink-like, more demure and feminine” and that the hardcore top!joe stans are using this interpretation as a reasoning for liking top!joe explicit fics (and for underage fic?)

Er, honestly, I’ll have to disregard the “less religious” comment in this one. Lucyclairedelune has talked about it very eloquently here. As for the rest, let’s say these opinions were expressed on tumblr in July, just when the fandom was getting started. However, after personally going through all the Explicit July fics, I gotta say, the overwhelming majority of writers are focused on romantic Malta sex vacations lol. 

From my personal observations (I started reading fic on ao3 in August), I’ve seen some stories that cater to very… specific tastes (mostly kinkmeme fics so I’m not going to touch that) and some that have…. been written in poor taste perhaps. But, honestly, the majority of fics (aka G, T, M rated) that I’ve seen? I would say that they were written with care and concern for the character’s portrayal. 

Now, some fans (usually older fans) are very focused on “your kink is not my kink” and other fans feel this is an inappropriate way to view “racist, homophobic, islamophobic, etc” fics. And I agree with that. If people are using kink to excuse racism, homophobia, islamophobia, transphobia, antisemitism, misogyny, etc, in fics: Fuck that. But I think there’s a lot of misunderstanding flying around when people react to ‘ykinmk”. This fandom likes to assume the worst of their fellow fans imo, and I honestly don’t think that when a person defends kink that they’re trying to defend racism. They’re trying to defend their kink community which, historically, has been attacked and misunderstood by the purity police. Look into the Livejournal, ffnet, and even the Tumblr purges if you don’t believe me. 

For the record, I don’t know anyone on tumblr personally. We’re all effectively strangers talking to each other on the internet, so I’m not going to make assumptions about people from stories they’ve posted on AO3 or the kinkmeme. If you want to talk about the issues those fics represent, that’s cool, but don’t harass people whose life stories you don’t know (and don’t vagueblog about them). (This is just a general statement, not saying this about you anon! I feel really strongly about this.)

Now you say, “some fans connect what should be a neutral sexual position preference to an interpretation of Joe’s character” and I hate to say it, but there are ALWAYS going to be some people who have awful opinions. Ones that are either truly terrible, or kind of in poor taste, or maybe you just don’t vibe with them. Personally, I don’t have enough time in the day to address every weird thing that a person spews on the internet. I won’t judge if you want to take them on, but, personally, I haven’t seen any recent militant top!joe only posts that are calling for racist portrayals. I see people referring to past conversations, for sure, but again, I can’t do anything with hearsay. 

And honestly, we keep bringing up the top/bottom discourse of early TOG fandom, and we’re just not the same fandom we were then. SO MANY people have left the fandom in that time-- a lot of big name (or simply well known) fans and a lot of MENA fans. Regardless of what “side” you’re on in this, we all lose by focusing on the positions, by dividing everyone by “top” or “bottom” or “switch” fans, and by bringing up what people said in July, or August, or September.  It’s exhausting, especially because I think a lot of people have done exactly what you said. Many authors HAVE self-reflected, they’ve thought about trends, the implications, and are contributing/interacting with the fandom as best as they can. Do I think we should stop focusing on self-reflection? That we should stop being careful about writing potentially damaging portrayals of our favorite characters? NO. Let’s keep at it! Let’s encourage others to do the same… but not with top/bottom discourse.

Let it be known that I don’t think racism is a topic we should disregard to focus on other things. Honestly, I would be happy if people gave some of the energy they have for “top/bottom” discourse to talk about the portrayal of Nile Freeman or Lykon or Copley or Quynh… the other POC representation in TOG that usually gets ignored. You may interpret this as me going “but what about??” and that’s fair. I just think that we talk about Joe ALL THE TIME in this fandom. There is an avalanche of conversation and content for this man (who I love, don’t get me wrong) and it just feels really disingenuous (to me) to talk ad nauseum about racist portrayals of Joe, but then to ignore Nile Freeman and wlw fics when Nile is the rare Black Female Action Protagonist and Andy/Quynh is an extremely rare interracial canon lesbian couple. And I’ve been trying to use my blog here to bring attention to this, think of me what you will because of that. (Again just a general statement anon! Not directed to you XD)

And from what I’ve seen in this fandom (and many others to be fair) is that we care about racism SO MUCH…but only when talking about how a man has sex.  It speaks of a lack of intersectional understanding of these topics, disregarding the misogyny that IS ALSO inherent in fandom, and disregarding the homophobia of overfocusing on the top/bottom dynamics. BUT I’m not asking you to ignore racism; all I’m asking is for you to focus on the other issues too. 

Bottom line though… the discourse is not what it once was.  A lot of people, on whatever side, have left the fandom, or have taken a break, or are vocally tired of “top/bottom” discourse. Personally, I think we should talk about racism… but not through the lens of explicit mlm fic sex positions. Let’s talk more about race, gender, sex and sexual orientation, but not in a way that divides the fandom, in a way that makes people sick of being here, in a way that kills our content creator’s passion. Honestly, I think it can be done! But only if we work toward that goal together. 

I would like to focus on encouraging events in our community, such as the ongoing Old Guard Big Bang 2021 event and the upcoming Femslash Fortnight Spring Solstice Edition event. If anyone is organizing other events, let me know and I’ll hype you up! But as for the rest, I’m tired, you’re tired, we’re all tired. Let’s try and work harder to be a kinder, more inclusive fandom in the future, for everyone’s sake. 

[miniwolfsbane]

JWCC Sammy Gutierrez and body positivity

THIS IS VERY LONG! (I just have a lot of feelings!) Also, this is personal and doesn’t talk a lot about Sammy and is just one big rant. 

Comment I wrote on the S2 preview “Also, shout out to the creators for making Sammy heavy, but it not effecting or having anything to do with her character. OR have her be obsessed with food. I'm sure other 90s kids remember the fat kid trope. Not doing fat logic, but we've come so far from the old days! As a woman who had that kind of body type growing up (had skinny friends, developed early, etc. it all was uncomfortable for many reasons. Long story.), it's amazing to see this kind of...semi-body positivity that's quiet and unspoken in a show aimed at everyone, including girls.  If I had seen this character at 13, my mind would've been blown. Kudos!!”

I’m reeeally tired and getting to that point where I get emotional about stupid stuff. However, this isn’t that stupid...maybe? 

We’ve reached a milestone, a kind of apex in American society, where being fat is no longer a running gag and it’s celebrated to be thick and/or a healthy weight. (Not to say skinny isn’t cool and it’s sure as heck better than carry 90+ pounds if it can be helped, but, as I said on Youtube, lots of 90s fat tropes were had, were they not? Every body type has their problems, blessings, and issues.) But, health is also a big issue and losing weight is too. I’m all for losing weight, but I also know what it was like growing up a fat kid, then a fat teenager in the 90s and 2000s when we didn’t have representation and people like Tocorra Jones, Melissa McCarthy,  Ashley Graham and Rebel Wilson around to promote different body shapes and/or being a little heavy or curvy while still being healthy. (Melissa and Rebel have lost weight and I applaud them full circle!)

Anyway, It is downright uplifting to see Sammy in JWCC like this! Being “thicker” than her two female friends doesn’t slow her down or hinder her in anyway. She is not obsessed with food. She is not constantly eating. Likewise, she has an actual personality and an interesting secret and backstory. The fans seem to love her. She is not dressed immodestly and she doesn’t seem to have ANY negative opinions of her body type, for now. Likewise, in a fast paced show like this, no one is talking behind her back about her weight or eating habits (again, for now. This could change in upcoming seasons, we don’t know.) Come to that, she’s fairly intelligent and isn’t dumb. Like, how many times have we seen a fat, dumb person in a show. (I’m looking at you Chris Griffin and Cleveland Jr!) This could’ve gone SO SIDEWAYS in her character creation any number of ways and I’m just amazed it didn’t. However, this maybe is attributed to the show being an action show and not a comedy? In any case, I’m so glad girls of this generation can see it. I wish I’d had it at their age. (It’s probably because her VA is heavy, but heavier than how Sammy is portrayed, to my knowledge. I’ve only seen her years ago on Disney channel.  Who cares why? It happened and I’m glad.) Please be assured, I’m NOT trying promote fat acceptance, just inclusivity, relatability, and representation. 

Like I say all the time, I’m not super heavy. I never was. As I said in the comment, I developed early and had mostly skinny friends growing up. I remember being about 11 and hosting my first sleepover and someone pointing to my arms at my stretch marks, asking what they were. I wasn’t traumatized and they didn’t tease me, but I was a little (a lot?) self-conscious. Like, can we please get the idea out of our head that ONLY pregnant women get stretch marks?? (Cocoa butter companies, hello?!) They can happen to girls that grow tall fast or, like me, you can have them all freaking over because the puberty button in your brain got stuck. (LOL?) And calling them cute things like skin lightning doesn’t really help. My limbs and body still look weird.

I don’t remember seeing many characters shaped like me in shows as a kid or teenager.  Unless maybe Simpsons characters with their pudgy bellies who may be some of the most average, realistic bodies in all of fiction, really. We can’t all be supermodels and body builders. Sailor Moon girls were all thin and leggy. None of the Magic School Bus kids were pudgy, all average and healthy (which is probably a good thing in a way. IDK. Representation is great, but so is promoting healthy eating and healthy shapes. Everything has their place.)  Disney characters were mostly animals at the time, and I didn’t see Recess until Highschool or something at 3 am, and even then, there was only Mikey. Mikey was progressive, but he wasn’t female. Closest I got was Ariel’s (Little Mermaid) sister, Adella ( https://littlemermaid.fandom.com/wiki/Adella) and even then, she had no belly and never animated the same outside of the series with not much character development or anything.

Cassie from Animorphs might’ve been a close second, but, though she was my favorite female character as a kid (not anymore), it was hard to say “OMG, she’s shaped like me!” as it was a book series with few visual aides outside of covers, posters and some toys. 

I remember seeing the singing group Cherish for a few seconds on TV once. A bunch of thick, busty, heavy black girls and I was SO EXCITED because for those few seconds on TV, there were girls that looked like me! Then some years later I found out a few of them lost weight and I was like bleh. (I didn’t follow their music or anything, not even sure how I saw them again.) Not that disapprove, health is essential, and I encourage people to lose weight for themselves, but it was nice having some representation. Except health needs to come first. It’s a two-edged sword if I ever saw one.

Don’t get me started on the sheer amount of girls with small/flat chests on TV. (No offense! See above about body types. Again, it’s about representation and seeing someone that looks like you that was not common in the 90s and early 2000s) I’m picky though. I wanted to see more representation, but the minute I saw it, I was not impressed or annoyed. To my better judgement, I saw a few episodes of something I won’t name with a curvy lead. I found her times dressing up as a man unconvincing and confusing because of her body shape. Other times I was, for lack of a better word, slightly appalled at her own size, even though she somewhat looked like me. I know, it makes no sense. Other times, I was mad at Lizzy Mcguire or another show for having skinny characters with A-cups while I was, er, way past training bras and smaller bras by 14/15 when the show was new.

Swearz, I developed (pun not intended!) this weird conspiracy theory that Disney execs have to look at the Star’s mom and other women in their family before casting a girl to make sure she stays thin/average chested for the shows entire run. Outside of one show, all shows in that era had the same thin girl body type. (And not much representation for different races for Disney back then, but that’s another debate for someone to better handle, not me.) 

All that said, my shape was attributed to four things: Diet, genetics, lack of exercise and my mom’s cooking. Not sure how much I subscribe to the “genetics effect body fat theory”, but the “genetics effect body shape” is definitely a thing! And hormones in chicken. My family said all I ever wanted when I was little was McDonald’s chicken nuggets all the time, so I think that had some play in how I turned out. It’s probably too much to get into here, and no one cares about my sob story, so let’s move on.

Sammy is awesome and I hope to see more characters like her from other studios in the future. Every body type needs representation, but every body also deserves to be healthy and nourished.

EDIT: WARNING: THE VIDEO AND  THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPHS TALK ABOUT ED AND CALORIE RESTRICTION!!

OMAHGAWWWD! I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING ROTTEN IN THE INDUSTRY, Y’ALL!! (Okay, that’s obvious, but you don’t really give it thought in your day to day life.)

The video gives a summary of Jenette McCurdy’s time on iCarly and the horrors she’d been going through in her younger years, which included an eating disorder and restricting calories to an (alleged) 900. Dear lord, that is sickening.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCE1x_chT34

Granted, I would take this with a small grain of salt as it’s from the internet, and undoubtedly, many actresses, probably more than we realize, have ED’s. If they would start encouraging them to be at healthy weights, things like this wouldn’t happen. Frick Nickelodeon and frick the acting industry!! 

So, this was what I was trying to convey. Casting and producers need to find that middle ground. Don’t promote fact acceptance, but do not force your actors/actresses to be stick thin either.  I could go on a huge tangent, but I don’t have the brain power right now. If you have an ED or know someone that does, I strongly encourage you to get help. I’ve been in tight spots like that (I knew of people or knew people), but getting REAL help from a doctor, professional, or someone with a good head on their shoulders is better than hiding it or keeping it secret. Ten years down the line, you’ll be thankful you did and not have regret. No one is perfect, but sometimes you have to fight harder to find a solution and someone that will actually listen to you and take your concerns to heart. 

If I get negative comments, I’ll be deleting this and no one will be able to enjoy it. Think before you type and don’t be a jerk.

[spam-monster]

Helsaweek free space

(I missed a bunch this year because virus-stress has worn down my brain. Might try to write for all the prompts I missed sometime, but for now, have this.)

Words

- One of them standard “soulmate au’s” where whatever your soulmate writes on their arm shows up on yours + two very secretive people who have their own reasons to not want to find their soulmate + hiding your identity because surely you’re not going to just run into them one day without knowing who they are = some very terrible, awkward situations. 

- Refrences to Frozen Fever and Frozen 2

- Elsa writing is in italics, Hans writing is bold italics

-----

If he was not a Prince of the Southern Isles, Hans would have been using the words to try and find his soulmate. But the Westergard family discourages, even forbids, royals from marrying their soulmates; they say those feeling only make you weak and vulnerable.

Luckily, the girl whose messages appear on his arm is not offended by this.

It’s not safe for anyone to be around me, she writes. I can’t control it. I’ve hurt people I care about. I don’t want to hurt you, too.

She won’t tell him what “it” is, and he doesn’t push it.

In that case…maybe we can just be friends? Hans writes her, the pen scratching against his arm. My brothers don’t pay a lot of attention to me. It would be nice to have someone to talk to at least.

I guess that’s okay.

What’s your name?

I

Don’t know if I should tell you

I don’t want you to look for me.

Okay

But I need to call you something

What if you make up a name? Like authors do?

She takes a few minutes to respond.

Isa.

Okay Isa.

And you can call me John.

John.

Maybe someday

When

If I ever get this under control

I’ll tell you my real name

 (Hans will wish he had kept asking. At the time, he hadn’t seen a reason to argue with her. After all, the world was a big place, and it was unlikely he would ever run into his soulmate by accident.)

(And if he did…he would know, right?)

---

Isa wrote him about her lessons, missing being able to go outside without fear, worries about her little sister (Isa had nicknamed her “Joan”, after a portrait of Joan of Arc she seemed to like talking to). Hans wrote her about his brother’s cruel pranks, his countries dismal atmosphere, the young foal he had been gifted named Sitron. Isa listened to his complaints even when they felt silly. Hans encouraged Isa in her battle against whatever was tormenting her.

It was nice, for a while.

Then his family found out that he still kept in touch with his soulmate.

“Unless she’s someone we can manipulate, there’s no reason to bother with her.”

“Like Hans would be soulmates with anyone destined for power!”

“But I’m not going to try and marry her! I don’t even know her name!”

In the end, he had to swear to not speak with her anymore.

(But since Hans technically had never been speaking with her anyway…)

I can’t write you as much as I used to, or they’ll notice. We can still keep in touch, okay?

---

Without a constant confidant to keep him distracted from neglect, his heart hardened.

Sometimes, they didn’t talk for weeks.

(One time, they didn’t talk for months. My parents…Isa had written, and refused to say any more.

I’m sorry, he wrote back.)

But still, she was always there, in the back of his mind.

*When I become a hero* he thought to himself *I’ll find her and save her from whatever thing has been haunting her all these years*

---

I’m nervous she had written him, the night before he arrived in Arendelle.

So am I he had written back. I’m meeting someone important tomorrow. I have it all planned out. If all goes well, I might finally be able to escape from my family.

I wish I could escape.

If I mess up tomorrow

Whatever is happening, you’ll be fine.

Tomorrow night, I’ll be telling you all about my brilliant plan’s success and you’ll be telling me about how you were able to control yourself just fine.

(He couldn’t tell her he was planning to get engaged to someone else. Even if they had agreed long ago that they weren’t going to marry each other, it would’ve felt awkward.)

And maybe actually be able to talk to your sister for once.

Okay. Right.

Thank you, John.

 ---

(The next night, Hans was too busy dealing with a kingdom full of panicked citizens and a summer blizzard to write anything to his soulmate.

She didn’t write to him either.

He should have noticed.)

---

John!

I’m sorry, I should have written to you sooner!

Things have been so hectic the last few days

I told her

I told her everything

Everyone knows and it’s okay

I was so scared

I thought I had lost Anna forever

But I finally figured out how to control it

Anna?

My sister

Her real name is Anna

(More words appeared. Hans didn’t process any of them.)

Elsa?

You know who I am

Were you at the coronation?

John?

Hans refused to look at his arm for a week.

---

Of course.

Of course it was her.

The one good thing in his life, and he had almost-

---

Are you afraid of me?

Please John

Just

Answer me

---

He should tell her to stop.

Never speak to her again.

It was torture.

If she found out who her soulmate really was…

---

Don’t stop

John?

Don’t stop talking to me

Please.

Keep writing

I don’t know if I can

I might not write you back

For a long time

And it’s not you

It’s not because of

Your powers or anything

Just please don’t stop

---

It was a self-inflicted punishment, and one he fully deserved.

---

He did write a bit, after that. Mostly just short comments on her stories or funny doodles when he was bored.

She never pushed him for an answer.

Now that he knew, she was a lot more open about everything. She told him her parent’s real names, what had really happened that had made her push Anna and everyone else away, about her creations, about Arendelle and its people, about Anna’s finding her own soulmate, about being a good queen.

(The one good thing about being an official disgrace was that none of his family bothered to try and stop him from reading her words anymore.)

---

I got hit by a snowball today.

Out of nowhere.

I almost though you had found me for a second.

oh

I might have sneezed.

Into a bugel horn.

But you don’t even live in Arendelle

I assumed

I don’t

How

That’s what I’d like to know

---

I’ve been hearing things.

A voice.

---

Arendelle is in danger.

We’re going to the woods.

I don’t know

When we’ll be back

Good luck

With that.

---

Hans was sitting in the stables, trying to read, when his arm started feeling a bit numb.

Then it turned cold.

Then…

Hans watched in horror as faint outlines of snowflakes started to appear.

Elsa

Elsa?

What’s happening?

---

A few hours later, he had scratched his arm open from writing so much and was desperately trying to talk himself out of stealing away to Arendelle’s mythical forest himself when the cold faded away as suddenly as it had appeared.

---

John?

It’s a long story

---

You died?!

---

You’re leaving.

---

You’re running away again, Elsa.

I’m not running away!

The forest needs me.

Anna needs you.

Anna is strong.

She’ll be fine without me.

But does she want to be without you?

---

Hans could care less about family, about “true love”, about soulmates.

So why did he keep arguing with her?

Now Elsa was the one sending curt replies, while he was the one who couldn’t stop writing to her.

How could he have everything he ever wanted, and just throw it all away like that?

How dare she.

---

*Anna didn’t jump in front of my sword for you to just abandon her again* he thought, but did not write.

---

You won’t even tell me who you really are! Why should I listen to you?

You don’t want to know who I am.

You can’t know that!

Believe me, I do.

You would hate yourself. You already hate me.

Yes, I’m mad at you right now

But I don’t hate you

You do

You really do

And you have every reason to after what I

John.

Have we met.

At the coronation.

There’s only one person i

John

How many older brothers did you say you have

---

12

And he said no more.

---

Look to the North.

It was the first time she had written him in three days.

There was a strange light in the sky, glittering like a fresh snowfall.

He took Sitron and followed it.

---

Surely she wouldn’t be foolish enough to come all the way here.

---

She was.

Hans almost didn’t recognize her at first. Her hair was down, her gown glowing white against the night skies and dark cliffs. A horse stood at her side, its colors shifting strangely. There were no ships anywhere in sight.

“It is you.” She said quietly.

“How did you…?”

“I rode.” She gestured to the horse, which on closer inspection was made of water.

(A Nokk, he remembered from her messages.)

“You rode across the ocean?!”

She shrugged, a bit awkwardly. “I didn’t want to take a ship. I didn’t want Anna asking questions and finding out about…” she gestured.

“…Yeah. This.”

He dismounted. Sighed. He was wholly unprepared to have this conversation.

“Okay. We should…do you want to sit down? This is probably going to take a while.”

---

Why did you…

Why didn’t you…

I should have known…

I should have figured it out, but I was so stupid and blinded and desperate…

I should have reached out to you, I knew you were hurting, I should have tried to help you…

---

“It’s getting late.” He finally said. “Or…early, I guess.” They had talked all night, and the sky was already lightening. “I should go back before anyone notices I’m gone. Which might take a while, but still-“

“Wait.” She said.

He waited. She looked him over, considering. Sighed. Stared up into his eyes.

“Hans. Come back with me.”

“What? …You can’t mean…are you crazy?! After everything I…I almost killed you!”

“You said…that you had though about saving me someday, but you never thought you were strong enough to do it. Well, I thought the same thing. About saving you, I mean. Finding a way to bring you to Arendelle, away from your family, but…I was scared of letting you get too close to me. That if we met, we wouldn’t be able to stay away from each other.”

He snorted at that, clenching his fists to try to hide the trembling in his hands.

“Hans…I’m not scared anymore. Of myself, or of you. Please. I want to make this right.” She reached out to him.

And he knew he shouldn’t, could think of a million reasons why (*not good enough not strong enough weak worthless only going to hurt yourself only going to hurt her can’t trust can’t believe in anyone*), but…he was just so tired of it all, and she wasn’t a liar like them, and he wanted.

He took her hand. Something settled, deep inside him.

“Okay. Just one question.”

“Yes?”

He gestured to Sitron. “How do we get a horse to ride a horse across the ocean?”

Her laugh was exactly as adorable as he had always imagined it being.

-----

(And he convinced her to spend more time in Arendelle, and she convinced him that the woods weren’t so bad, and they built a nice little cottage right on the border so they could divide their time equally between the town and the forest, and lived happily ever after the end.)