#anyway something something roman only saying what logan would want to hear something something too scared to say he loves him after

[skapediem]

love

[boneyspades]

GUYS I CANNOT HOLD IT IN ANYMORE I MUST TISM. I MUST RANT. I MUST EXPRESS MYSELF. I MUST GNAW MYSELF OUT OF MY ENCLOSURE

here are some of my Orange side ideas or predictions or whatever. now let me cook chat. (also I'm kinda just making this before the season finale cus Thomas said he was working on it

imma put a cw here for mentions of religion, so if you don't wanna see that then U don't have to read this lmao

ok so imma kinda categorise this in different categories I guess and I'll try my best to be short and sweet about it whilst also kinda just like... explain my reasoning? (edit: I failed. DW I highlighted the main points just in case U don't wanna read all that)

what I think the side represents

what he looks like(aesthetic?)

powers???

personality? what he's gon be like?

what's his intentions??

and idk just other things I think of on the way

What does this fuck head represent in Thomas?

I think this just goes without saying but like imma say Rage or Wrath. I remember these mfs on yt (can't remember the name) saying they predict it was gonna be rage and honestly it would be so fitting.

like fr, Logan literally SNAPPING at Remus cus he wasn't being listened to and his eyes TURNING ORANGE?

Thomas being MAD at Niko to the point where he was gonna UNALIVE THE FAKE NIKO that Remus conjured up to fuck with Thomas?!

THOMAS'S JUST BEING MAD AT NIKO IN GENERAL FOR NOT ANSWERING HIM?!?!

ROMAN AT THE END OF SVS REDUX?!?!?!? BITCH WE KNOW WHATS COMING!!!!!

its just UUUUUGH I WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY BUT I LOVE THEIR INNER TURMOIL

how many stars am I gonna give him in dress to impress (aesthetics??? traits??? idk)

ok so I kinda was not quite sure about this one for a bit but then I remembered the dark sides, Remus and Janus's specifically (and I guess Patton too but like he's a "light" side but just hear me out) have had religion tied into them in some way; Janus kinda being inspired by the snake at the tree of life and even said himself "what am I doing here, am I the SNAKE COME TO TRICK YOU INTO SINNING?".(was gonna get video reference but apparently I can't have more than one video. sucks)

Remus is I guess religiously tied, using alot of religious language to mess with Thomas... like... alot...

Patton kinda just looks like a religious dad whose marriage is crumbling apart. but I think someone said that he also represents his Catholic guilt??? tho I could be wrong, I don't remember, but it fits considering he's literally the opposite of janus.

BUT ANYWAYS..... i think, clothing wise, orange could potentially dress as a priest??? or like a leader of a cult?? think robes and stuff. I mostly think of The One Who Waits from cult of the lamb or even the lamb itself since like... a the leader of the cult-... speaking of lambs. i think everyone's well aware that all the sides have a physical trait of some kind, something they take the form of I guess;

Logan= teacher

Roman= prince

Patton= dad

Virgil= (emo) spider? cat?? idk???

Janus= snake obvi

Remus= a duke and Cthulhu for some reason?

and now hear me out:

Orange= LAMB OR GOAT???!!!

correct me if I'm wrong but lambs and goats have been tied to religion alot (also I saw someone say lamb or goat as well and I think it would be so fucking cool), but if not, I have two other ideas... hear me out...

AN ANGEL?!?!

A BIBLICALLY ACCURATE ANGEL?!?!

NO CUS LIKE THEY LOOK SPOOKY ALREADY, IMAGINE IF LIKE HE WAS JUST OFF PUTTING PHYSICALLY AND PERSONALITY WISE. and also tying with with religion too

and the third, and this one is just cus I like robot characters BUT HEAR ME OUT! a specific genre of robot like GLaDOS from portal, AM from I have no mouth and I must scream (idk I haven't played the game), Cyn from murder drones, deviants in general from detroit become human. what do they have in common? (probably Ive only indulged in 3/4 medias mentioned)

FILLED. WITH. RAGE. OR. JUST. ABSOLUTELY. POWER. HUNGRY!!!!!

I feel like orange would be the mf to try and control all the sides. and just idk the fact that alot of these SciFi robot media have something to do with robots and are just filled with so much anger and hate for someone or people. idk just a silly thing I thought of.

what powers can this little bitch do

ok so I think everyone already knows that the sides have inhuman abilities (cus they aren't human but like anyways) like for example:

they can all shapeshift

they can mimic other peoples voices which I think is THE COOLEST THING EVER

they can I guess teleport??? does sinking down and rising up count as teleporting???

and I guess make Thomas see things that I guess aren't there? bitch idk

but I also do think that the sides all have INDIVIDUAL abilities only they can do:

janus can sense any lies coming from the sides (at least I think so)

Patton can turn into a frog for some reason? is there an explanation for that tho cus like?- (it's cool af tho)

I think Roman and Remus are the only ones that can conjure things up outside the MindPalace correct me if I'm wrong

Remus can give Thomas and the sides hallucinations or intrusive thoughts (cus... yk... that's what he is)

virgil can control SHADOWS?!? WHAT A FUCKING BADASS

Logan can speak through Thomas (like during Moving On part 2)

but what about orange you may ask. lets go over the obvious one first:

the ability to make a side let out any repressed anger I guess?

or I guess make a side get like... REALLY pissed off or something idk

I won't really go in depth with that one cus I think everyone knows that, but this next one I STRONGLY feel for. HERE ME OUT.

POSSESION.

now I think this will be different from how orange used his other power on Logan. BUT. the way I see it, I think that the orange side would have the ability to take FULL control of a side based on how much anger or negative feelings they're feeling, ykwim? and, now here me out, in return, kind of nullifies the effects that side has on Thomas. like for example, say Patton is all angy. bro is mayor of Angyvile. U went into an angy competition and you see Patton? you lost, bitch. anyways, the orange side, would have the ability to just be like possess him like a fucking demon. because of this, Thomas would feel less empathy, emotions, etc, because Patton is basically that. but I feel it'd look alot different than what we saw in WTIT, cus Logan was still in control of himself. but like I want it to look CREEPY AF. MAKE THEM DO SPOOKY THINGS, THOMAS. MAKE THEM LOOK POSSESSED, NOT THAT FUCKING "heh, finally. feels so good to be free 🐺😈💪💔⛓️" NO. MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE THEY'VE GOT SATAN CONTROLLING THAT BITCH. I WANT MORE SPOOKY. I also think he'd use this ability on Logan the most for obvious reasons

personality or something idk

alright so I feel like this one will be alot shorter than my other points, but personality wise... I WANT HIM TO BE A FUCKING ASSHOLE. I WANT HIM TO BE MEAN. I WANT HIM TO BE TERRIFYING, PSYCHOLOGICALLY.

I want him to be SO FUCKING MANIPULATIVE DAWG. i literally think that wrath could be the leader of the dark sides and be the one that makes Virgil (pre AA), Remus and even Janus fall for a fake sense of security whilst also using them for his personal gain and his personal gain ALONE. I want him to be a terrifying side, cus yeah, the dark sides are scary but they've been proven to not be as scary as they seem:

virgil (pre AA) was always seen as scary but even in the episode with Superwoman (aka his first appearance) it's shown that he is easy to manage. and even during and after AA, all he wanted was to protect Thomas and help him. he was just basically misunderstood

Janus is a kinda harder one to explain, but I guess its similar to virgil. all he wanted was Thomas to do something for himself (go to the callback) and practice self care, but because he is the embodiment of Deceit, he kinda just is seen as a purely bad thing. Thomas says it say better at the end of SVS redux.

Remus I feel is alot different. he's a fucking asshole cus he wants to be, he's not all "I want Thomas to just be happy and I want to do what's best for him" NO. he wants to make Thomas's life HELL, or just turn him into a professional people opener. BUT, in DWIT, Logan has proven that Intrusive thoughts can be dealt with and that they're not as scary as Thomas thinks.

I want orange to be so terrifying as a concept that not even Logan can make an argument where Thomas can deal with him. I want him to be so fucking bad that not even Patton wants to be his friend. but like make him a silly guy :) (also I feel like the orange side and Remus would be besties)

what does this bitch WAAAANT

ok so this one will be quite short. but I feel like the orange side would want Thomas to live a life where he takes revenge on the people who have wronged him. maybe try to make Thomas into a professional people opener. that's why I think orange and Remus would get along so well. if rage blinds morality and logic, then Intrusive thoughts can become reality. thats what I think at least. I feel like the orange side would try and trap the other sides and repress them somehow, except Remus and Janus.

ok that's it

[hughiecampbelle]

Succession Preference: Running Away From Home

Requested: 1st preference: what each sibling would do if their youngest sibling {roysibling!reader} ran away from their home (logan's place) and showed up at their doorstep (maybe with a bruise or maybe just swollen eyes from crying or just generally looking exhausted or upset) - anon

A/N: Screaming!!! I love this so much my love, it is so angsty!!! Just thinking about it makes my heart break for them. I really hope you like it!!! Feedback is always appreciated!!! 💜💜💜

Connor jumps right into big brother mode. You show up at his ranch exhausted, shaking, with a nasty bruise settling near your eye. Immediately, he lets you in, holding you for as long as you need. He doesn't need to ask you what happened, who did this. Roman used to go to him with the same look, the same bruise, the same scared eyes. Connor sits you down, offering tea and an ice pack, pressing it gently to you. He asks if he can call Pops, but you beg him not to. You don't want to hear his voice. You don't want to think about it. You ran the second you could and haven't looked back. He assures you that whatever you need, he's there. He won't call him if it upsets you. He makes up the spare bedroom and reminds you that if you wanna talk, he's more than willing to listen. In the morning, he'll call your other siblings, letting them know where you are, that you're safe. They all want to know what happened, but he knows it's your story to tell. He doesn't even tell them about the bruise, not wanting you to be bombarded with texts and calls. You came to him seeking safety and shelter. That's exactly what he'll be there for. He'd do anything to protect you.

Kendall can't believe it. He knows that your father hit Rome, he still does, but you? He's never raised a hand to you. He's not blaming you, at all, but he knows you must've said or done something to push Dad over the edge. When you swear up and down that you didn't do anything to instigate him, hysterical, deciding that maybe you should just go to one of your other siblings homes, he finally believes you. Sorta. He tells you he does anyways, not wanting to upset you anymore. He offers what empathy he can, but he doesn't know. He's never feared your father like that. He thinks about giving Shiv or Con a call before deciding that isn't the best idea. Kendall is all too aware of what kind of image your family had to uphold. Getting anymore people involved would ruin you, your reputation. You were falling apart over what, a slap? a punch? You're his baby sibling, he loves you, but he can't help but also look down on this behavior. You ran away. Isn't that a little childish for your age? A little juvenile? You regret going to him, blaming your father for the way he is.

Shiv is shocked. She doesn't register that someone's been knocking on the door, too wrapped up in her emails and messages, until you start calling her by name. She doesn't know what to say or do, only that you're standing before her, bruised, crying, reminding her so much of the little kid you used to be. What, what are you - what happened? You just shake your head. You try to say something, but it only comes out in whimpers. Eventually, she just pulls you inside. She leaves you only for a second, calling Logan. His story doesn't match up with what she's seeing, the welt on your head swelling as you sip at your water, finally calmed down. She tells him that you're with him and you're safe, but he doesn't care. He calls you a few names she'd rather not repeat. She offers her guest room until things have cooled down. She's not really sure what to do, how to handle things. She's never seen you this upset and as far as she knows, he's never laid a hand on you before this. She doesn't push it, but she needs to hear it from your perspective. She was your big sister, your protector, and yet in this moment, Shiv felt like she was failing you. Failing her duties as big sister.

Roman plays it off cool, but underneath he's seething. You got into your fights with Logan, they all did, but the bruise he left made Roman himself flinch. There were certain rules and expectations that came with the sibling hierarchy. As far as you'd all known, you were off limits. This isn't the first time he's done this, he can tell, but this is the first time you ran to him. He's not sure what to do, how to help. He's never been any good in these kinds of situations. Offering comfort isn't something he learned growing up. Still, he tries. He tries for you. He makes you up a bed on the couch and gets some ice for your face, making sure you're really okay. You don't tell him what happened, but he's lived through enough of these scenarios to put the pieces together. When you've gone to sleep, or when he thinks you have, he gives Logan a call. It goes straight to voicemail and he can't help himself, he goes off. Blows up. He could do whatever he wanted to him, they all could, he'd made peace with that a long time ago, but you? You were off limits. You were the baby. No one laid a hand on his baby sibling, especially not your father.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Starved | Famished

Augh the creativitwins fic,, I loved it so so much, they'rebrothersyour honor, I wonder how would the others react when they realize what they did to Roman. Especially Logan – anon

*materializes into existence* Hi :D Idk if I've said this yet, so excuse me if I've repeated myself. Quick Note: don't have to write it if ya don't want to, btw. Take care of yourself <3 Le Request: mother hen Virgil. In any h/c situation. In any au or canonverse. (I just finished the latest addition to Code Words AND I just binged the Protector/Protecting/Protected series. Holy hell. You're one of my favorites) Anyway, hope you're doing well :D – oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: starvation, cannibalism (implied very loosely)

Pairings: none

Word Count: 3502

    For Logan, working with Remus can be something of a mixed bag. On one hand, it can be incredibly rewarding to work together on a project and see it come to fruition; Remus's boundless passion is inspiring and refreshing in its own unique way. On the other, however, Remus has a tendency to…craft things that then eventually become Logan's responsibility.

He's helping Remus peruse the remnants of the latest Nightmare clean-up, going over what can be broken down safely in the Imagination and what needs to be sectioned off and dealt with at a later time, preferably with at least Virgil's help but perhaps the others as well. He's just finishing cataloging a particularly fascinating specimen that originated in something closer to Janus's side of things when he hears a voice coming from…somewhere.

"Rise above," the voice is saying, "become more than the biological drives that so harness your body. You are more than those fickle urges that drive you, you are more than the slavish brute they would make of you."

Logan raises an eyebrow, turning to locate the source of the voice.

"Rise above," it says again, "you are better than insatiable beasts. You are more than your hunger. Do not let your appetite for more overwhelm your rationality."

As he walks toward it, he spots a box on the very corner of Remus's shelf, set aside from the rest of them. Most of the Nightmares come in silver boxes with two latches on the side and a sort of projection screen that shows its contents depending on the volatility of the subject matter. This one, the one the voice is coming out of, is a dark box that has no seams or doors of any kind. And yet, as he gets closer, the very center of it becomes transparent and he peers through to see the silhouette of a man in a long, dark coat, giving some sort of speech.

"We are not uncivilized," he says as Logan's hand reaches for the box, "we are not beyond reason! We are not to give in to this thing that would seek to master us."

So entranced does he become by the speech that he fails to notice the edges of the room are blurring, that his hand has begun to stretch impossibly long toward the center of the box, nor that the man is growing closer and closer.

"Hunger is a prison," the man says as Logan finds the words on his own tongue, "and we are not beasts to be caged."

The sudden roar of a crowd jolts him from his stupor and he looks around to realize he's in a square, surrounded by people, standing at the base of a stage upon which this man holds his arms out to accept the applause. He looks up at this ashen, grey-faced figure and immediately takes in how thin he is, how much the coat even around his narrow frame snaps and blows about in the wind. He pulls his arms a little closer to himself and slowly begins to take off his tie.

Everyone else is clad in thick cloaks and almost worn garments. The chill is not insubstantial but they huddle together as though it were the depths of winter. Every face is shrewd and beady-eyed, wary of their immediate neighbor as though at any moment, they might be attacked. Only a scarce few look normal: the guards around the side of the stage, clad in a dark blue uniform not too dissimilar to his own aesthetic, and another official with a flat cap and a crest around his neck.

He looks back up at the man on the stage, then around at the rest of the square. Thankfully, whatever pulled him in here had the sense to put him near the peripheries of the crowd, but not right at the edges where he could immediately be noticed. He looks to be at the base of some big official building with transit streets leading out in all directions. A veritable cornucopia for whoever this man in power seems to be. There don't seem to be any particularly modern aspects to it. Horse-drawn carts carry rows and rows of crates. Young children selling newspapers stand at the corners, though they don't seem to be trying very hard to sell their papers. Blank grey business fronts sit between cold and desolated empty spaces with covered or broken windows above them.

In short, the place feels miserable.

Someone bumps into him and he realizes the crowd is starting to disperse. Not to be caught looking like he doesn't know where he's going, he follows a larger group toward the front of another building where a large board hangs, seemingly the equivalent of a news bulletin or at the very least, something else for him to stand in front of and not be questioned for it.

The crest of a fanged crown sits at the top, under which are the words RATIONS DELAYED, SHIPMENT HIJACKED. A few people mutter amongst themselves. Logan frowns as he looks around. This place doesn't seem to be a warzone, nor does it feel as though it has the urgency of a city supporting a war effort. Perhaps a natural disaster, then? But the infrastructure is holding up so well that it's hard to see what it might be.

"My child."

It's such an unexpected form of address that it takes Logan a second to realize it's directed at him, but when everyone else starts edging away he turns around and comes face to face with the man from the stage.

"Hello. My apologies, I didn't mean to be rude."

"No offense taken." This close, the man's voice takes on a near-silky quality that nevertheless makes the hairs on the back of Logan's neck stand up. "I saw you listening to the sermon and your reaction captivated me."

Logan adjusts his grip on his notebook. "Oh?"

The man nods, clasping his bone-thin grey fingers in front of himself. "You see, it has been quite some time since someone has attended one of our little events and looked so…well-fed."

As he says the words 'well-fed,' his eyes travel up and down Logan's body.

"I must admit, I was…it was refreshing to hear such a sermon," Logan says, "I have not often heard such sentiments conveyed so eloquently. It can be frustrating, when there is so much that you wish to communicate but you can't find the words."

The man bows his head. "You flatter me."

"Your eloquence is something to be proud of."

"Come," the man says, beckoning with a single crooked finger, "walk with me aways."

Logan follows him as they turn about the square, passing another billboard stating the rations shipment has been hijacked. The man spares a passing glance upwards.

"Shame," Logan says quietly, "isn't it?"

The man shrugs. "You cannot hope for everyone to be reasonable, nor can you see reason for them. There will always be those that believe we deserve to feed."

Logan nods along to the first part of that, but then he hears the second. "Apologies, what did you say?"

"There will always be those that believe in giving in to hunger. To allow ourselves to whet that dangerous thing known as appetite." The man shakes his head. "We much be vigilant, you know."

Surely…surely this has to be some metaphor. Surely they're not actually starving themselves. But they keep walking, further and further, until Logan notices something else.

Out of all of the things he's seen posters or boards for, out of all the buildings around square, out of everything he can see, hear, smell, everything, there is not a single mention of food.

He has an awful feeling about his perceived 'metaphor.'

"What will we do," he asks after they've started down another side street, still tailed by a few of the guards, "if the rations never arrive?"

"Then we will have to source from somewhere else."

"How long will that take?"

"It's hard to say, really," the man remarks as the air begins to turn reddish-brown, the street becoming littered with trash, refuse, scraps of paper. "Perhaps a few months."

Logan frowns. "But what shall we do in the meantime?"

"We shall press on, as we always have. We have almost switched entirely over to the pills, after all, and soon we will eliminate the need for food entirely."

Definitely not a metaphor. Definitely not a metaphor.

They pass by an alley. Down a block, Logan catches sight of a massive obstruction through the fog—when did the fog get here? Now that he's paying attention to it, a thick and soupy red fog has started to swell from the bottom of the buildings, almost as though it were coming from the street itself. It doesn't rise higher than his knees before it starts to dissipate, tendrils of mist curling up almost like steam as it rises into the air, but the swirling clouds don't do anything to soothe the grip on his notebook.

"There must be something to be done," he says as they pass by another obstruction, "surely all these people can't just starve."

"Ah, but to starve is to be free," the man says, "after all, to truly allow the hunger to run its course without being affected by its lure, that is the greatest freedom of all."

"Dying isn't freedom," Logan points out, "to starve is to die."

The man turns to look at him. His eyes, sunken into his skin, jaundiced and piercing. "All things die, my child. Will you die a beast, or a man?"

"What point is there in dying faster because you don't eat?"

Behind them, the officials get closer. One of them reaches for something in a pocket and Logan tenses.

"You are well-fed," the man says again, pointing a single, thin finger at him as the officer blows a whistle, "and you will never know what ecstasy it is to be hungry."

A deep and guttural snarling comes from the other end of the alley. Logan whips around to see two horrifying spider-like monsters crawling out of the mist. Their mandibles drool black ichor, eyes blind and unseeing but trained on him. They move with a sinister mockery of life as they begin to walk toward him. He backs up automatically only to run into a bat jabbed into his spine.

The officials form a blockade behind him as the spider monsters get closer and closer. His heart pounds. They seem to sense it and one of them snarls, rearing up as its front two legs come off the ground, lunging for him—

Another roar splits the air.

From between the spiders charges a massive hulking bear, maw dripping and eyes crazed as it bursts through the middle of the alley. Logan barely has time to throw his hands up and defend himself before the bear knocks him over and seizes him in its jaws. He cries out as it picks him up bodily and turns, running away from the officials, the man, and the monsters with him held in its jaws.

Is this how he dies? Does he get eaten here? Is the bear taking him back to kill him? Frantically, he tries to remember what you're supposed to do around bears but all that comes to mind is how to get a bear to stay away from you. In a panic, he goes to hit it with his notebook, but then he catches its gaze.

Some of the mania vanishes. The bear looks at him and for a second, he recognizes its eyes. This is how Remus's Kraken looks at him, or how Roman's dragon looks, or how any of the sentient creatures in the Imagination look when he stumbles across them.

He's safe, somehow, and he's being taken somewhere better.

That being said, being carried in a bear's jaws as it runs full speed through the forest is not exactly a pleasant journey. He suffers more than a fair few scrapes and scratches as he blunders into branches and bushes, over hills and through the underbrush. Eventually, he feels the bear slow and deposits him none-too-gently in a heap in the dip of a valley.

"Oh, hey, what'd you—Logan?"

Logan looks up to see Remus and Virgil. Remus has his hands full of something Logan will ask about with the safety of rubber gloves and an apron, and Virgil's perched on a rock. A low groaning noise from behind him and he looks to see the bear shrinking, coming out of its giant and frenzied state until it's just a cub that whuffs quietly and slinks over to Remus, lolling on the ground.

"Hey, buddy, is that why you ran off so fast?"

The bear huffs again and Remus leans down to rub their heads together.

"You're such a good boy."

"What're you doing in here, L," Virgil asks, getting up and pulling a first-aid kit out of his hoodie, "and why do you look like—well, why do you look like you've been carried through the woods by a bear?"

He crouches down and starts cleaning some of the scratches on Logan's arms.

"You know you gotta have one of them when you come in here, buddy, even when you think you know where you're going. And look at this—you gotta be more careful, you know there's some shit in here."

Logan finds himself oddly recalcitrant as Virgil starts tending to his wounds, even though he knows he should just let him. Sure enough, the moment he starts trying to pull away, Virgil looks up and raises an eyebrow and immediately he slumps and lets Virgil do what he wants.

"What's going on, bud?"

"I wasn't trying to come in here," Logan says mulishly, "I didn't even come here. Not really. I didn't use the doors."

"So then how'd you get here?"

"Don't move so much," Virgil scolds as he turns to face Remus, "you're gonna rip this one open again."

"The box on your shelf. The dark one."

Remus fully stops what he's doing to look at Logan. The bear cub growls. He vanishes whatever he's working on and grabs a rag from his pocket to wipe off his hands. He leans down to scratch the bear cub behind the ears and takes a deep breath.

"Tell me exactly what happened."

Logan recounts the story, from hearing the voice, to finding himself in the square, to being in the alley when the horrific spider things came out, to being rescued by the bear cub. Remus listens attentively as Virgil finishes tending to his wounds.

"You went into someone's intrusive thoughts," Remus says when once again, Logan asks what happened, "sometimes they're strong enough to manifest into actual places in the Imagination."

"Thomas doesn't have a history of eating disorders, and it isn't as though he hasn't been eating lately—"

"Not just that kind of hunger, L," Virgil says quietly, going back to the rock as the bear cub sits up, "and it's not…fuck, I'm not gonna be good at explaining this without violating someone's privacy."

Logan frowns. "What?"

"Those aren't Thomas's intrusive thoughts, they're a Side's."

"Who's hungry?"

"I don't know, Logan," Remus says in a voice that communicates that he does know, and so should Logan, "who do you think is hungry?"

"I don't know!"

"Yes, you do."

"What else did they say," Virgil says quietly, "in that place, what else were they talking about?"

Logan frowns, thinking hard. Something about being more than just beasts, something about rising above, something about being more than…than base desires, that was it. More than hunger.

Base desire, base desire, why does that ring a bell?

"Is it Patton?"

"Why Patton?"

"He out of all of us is the most connected to things like emotions, or shame, or guilt."

"It's not Patton."

"Janus, then? He—well, no, that wouldn't be it either."

"You're unbelievable," Remus growls, even as Virgil quietly says his name. The bear cub snarls at him too.

"What? What did I do?"

"Really? You can't fucking figure it out? They literally talked about suppressing base desires and not giving into stupid basic needs and all this stuff about being too smart for it, too good for it, how awful it is to spend time feeding the basic part of you that just wants to feel and you're having a problem figuring out what you did?"

"I don't know what you're talking about! I don't—when have I ever told anyone it's okay not to eat?"

The bear cub nearly lunges at him but Remus catches it by the scruff of its neck. "Here, then, here's an easier question. The crest. The insignia. Did you see it?"

"Yes, I saw it."

"What did it look like?"

He frowns again, trying to conjure it up. It was…it had something to do with teeth, didn't it? Yes, it was teeth around something else. Something…something metal, wasn't it? A fanged metal something…a fanged…

"A crown," he says slowly, "it was a crown surrounded by teeth."

Remus stares at him. So does Virgil.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, no.

***

Roman wakes up cold. He curls up under his blankets, trying to find a little bit of warmth, before he sighs and drags himself out of bed toward the door to the Imagination. It swings open and brings him to a quiet grove in the middle of the forest, under the branches of a tree sparkling in the starlight with drops of dew. Moon lilies and other night flowers glow gently as he sits down with the blanket, curling up to lean against the soft mossy rock. A warm breeze blows across his cheeks as he tries to get warm again.

He hears a quiet snuffling sound and turns to see Remus's bear cub walking up to him, curling up at his side with its head a comforting weight in his lap. One shaking hand carefully brushes the rough fur and the cub growls contentedly, shifting Roman's hand to where it wants it.

"Roro?"

"Re?" He turns to see Remus walking toward him. "Are—did I wake you up?"

"Nah. I'm—well, I'm technically asleep right now, I guess." He gestures down at himself. "Astral form."

"Oh. Uh—"

"You're fine," he says, sitting down on Roman's other side, "nightmare again?"

"Not really. I just felt off today and I got—my room got really cold so I came in here." The bear cub presses its nose against his knee. "Hi, buddy."

"I, uh—" Remus leans up against his shoulder— "I might know why you felt really shitty today."

"Really?"

"Logan—so Logan helps me do stuff sometimes, right?" Roman nods. "Well…he found the place I'd been keeping your intrusive thoughts to deal with their byproduct later and he fell into it."

Fuck. Fuck, oh no— "Is he okay?"

"He's fine," Remus says as the cub growls, "and we—Virgil and I may have knocked some sense into him."

Roman frowns. "Meaning…?"

"Meaning that I owe you quite the apology."

Roman startles and the cub growls louder as Logan walks out of the forest too, standing a respectful distance away. Remus excuses himself and Logan slowly takes his place, a little further away when the cub starts to growl at him.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly, "I never…I never meant for you to feel like you had to starve yourself. You're not just some base desire to ignore, you're a lovely and priceless part of Thomas. You…you deserve to feed too, Roman."

"L-Logan, I—"

"Can I hug you, little one?"

Roman just sniffles and holds out his arms and Logan wraps his arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer. The cub allows it, its nose still pressed against Roman's knee as Logan cards his fingers through his hair.

"I'm here for you," he whispers, "I will be here for you. I'll do better."

"I'm not trying to be needy, I'm just—"

"You can need things," Logan interrupts gently, "you can need things. That's being alive, that's being us, that's…that's okay, Roman."

The cub snuffles in agreement.

"Will—can we stay like this for a while, please?"

"Of course."

***

"So," Remus says, clapping his hands, "what should we do this time?"

"Logan," Virgil asks, "any ideas?"

"How would you feel about blowing up a government building?"

"Excellent."

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[orbmanson7]

So I don't know why I'm thinking about CLBG at 4am but it resulted in thoughts on Roman angst and how they'll probably have to eventually resolve the absolute mess that's been made over the course of the series

The answers can be found in the episode CLBG.

In the episode, Thomas and Roman act out various scenes to help him lie but the part to focus on is the role assignment near the start of the scene.

Virgil and Logan are pushed to the back, and this isn't necessarily a bad thing because both of them (left brain bros) prefer to be out of the limelight anyway, merely providing assistance.

Then Roman says that he's "basically Orson Welles" to explain his roles are director, actor, and writer. He's then guilted into giving Patton the director role, and this is what is significant!

Because in this particular scenario? Patton doesn't know much of anything about lying, he doesn't care for lying on principle, so Roman taking the reins in this one would have made more sense, but Patton snatches that top role away, thanks to he (and Thomas) guilting Roman into handing it over. And then what does Patton do? Mostly sit in the audience and enjoy the show, occasionally calling out when Thomas does something wrong.

Now it's hard to fully analyze this analogy because we, the audience, know that Patton is actually Janus in disguise throughout most of the episode. But I think Janus playing into Patton's part of an overbearing morality was so well done that the others didn't notice until so much later on, which just goes to show how (mostly) accurately he was portrayed.

The reason this is Roman Angst™ is because Roman is taking on the spotlight with Thomas all on his own. Patton gets big credit as director, sure, but Patton isn't the one on stage. It's just Roman, creating and acting his heart out just for Thomas. He gives literally everything, his whole being, all to Thomas to be able to do this. And, from his perspective, he knows he can't actually do it alone, he needs Virgil handling the stressful stuff, battling away the stage fright and dealing with the inner machinations of handling lights, sound, props, standing on your mark, etc. These put Virgil in a more prominent position in order for Roman to be able to do his job(s) properly, which is concerning because that's a lot of work for Virgil to handle, too, especially as Literal Anxiety.

And then we have Logan, relegated to being stage manager/dramaturg. While this role suits him well, his job is quite literally to keep everyone on track and make sure they are following the script. If something goes wrong, it's meant to be his job to delegate another person to fix it quickly and efficiently. The only major problem shown in this scene, though, involves Virgil searching for a missing prop, which Roman was the one who demanded its necessity for the scene, not Logan (probably because it wasn't actually necessary). In essence, Logan doesn't really fulfill his stage manager duty during this scene, he almost entirely fills the role of a dramaturg. And while it's important and nice to have one, dramaturgs are often considered excessive in productions, only there to provide tidbits of information, should anyone choose to need it. Not a great sign for Logan's overall role in the series, that's all I'm saying.

Next, we're onto Patton as director. Like I mentioned before, he guilts Roman into giving him the role but then hardly used it to do much beyond criticizing Thomas, which is about 1:1 how it works for the rest of the series. Patton is very strict with Thomas but he also doesn't fully understand why, creating contradictions, even all the way back in CLBG, that are hard for Thomas to follow, leading to inevitable failure. And who takes on that failure? Mostly Thomas' ego - Roman.

Those failures are seen as fixable mistakes that Logan then attempts to remedy, by delegating or stepping in to assist, but because no one wants his help, he can only provide facts that the others rarely want to hear. This causes repeated failures because the problems aren't being resolved, which puts Virgil in a downward spiral, attempting to handle all the things going wrong, and feeling as though it's his own fault, when it's actually a culmination of factors that have led up to that point.

If Patton offered genuine direction (and maybe earned his role instead of demanding it) and explained what Roman and Thomas should try to do and not be so strict, constantly telling them what they do wrong instead of letting them feel out the space until they figure it out, then this would result in Roman's self-esteem improving phenomenally. He also should maybe relinquish a bit of that overwhelming control that he has, and allow not only Thomas but also the other sides to give their opinions more. Patton shouldn't be the only side with the final say, it should be more of a group effort, so he needs to learn to share and be more willing to listen to what others have to say.

Meanwhile, if Roman would allow others to have some input into his role of creating, acting, writing, etc. then he may feel less burdened and less helpless overall. He won't have to fully rely on everyone else (mainly Virgil) to help him complete his job, he could consult others and incorporate more ideas, flex his creativity without having to feel like it's an end-all be-all requirement. Additionally, this may improve his confidence, especially if he can earn praise from the others. He deserves appreciation for what he does for Thomas, and because of Thomas' choice in career, he is always going to have a very big part to play, but if he maybe shared that stage with a certain brother of his, he could better incorporate those new ideas and have a fellow creative to bounce his work off of, allowing him to meet new heights of creativity while also giving him a little less spotlight to stand under. He may not want that, since he enjoys his spotlight, but he genuinely needs at least a tiny bit less of that burden on himself. He needs to be able to take breaks, and if the others can play a more active role to better assist him, then he can finally do that.

Next, Logan needs more authority (and, really, more respect) than he currently has. His job is to keep them on schedule, but because of the chaos and unbalanced roles throughout, his job is nearly impossible to accomplish. He can tell them what to do, but he can't make them do it. If they listen to what he's saying and try to properly understand and incorporate what he's telling them, then things would absolutely run a lot smoother. Unfortunately, this would require Logan standing up for himself and maintaining a proper level of respect from Thomas and the other sides, which doesn't exist in the series at the moment.

But that's not the only problem. Logan is also not meant to have any spotlight, he's meant to delegate his tasks so that others can take up their roles when needed. Instead, because they are so busy, needed for other things, or just don't want to do it, Logan has been taking on these tasks himself instead of delegating, because it won't get done at all if he doesn't. So, he will need to stop micro-managing, giving up what little control he does have, but only if it is then properly replaced by the others listening when he speaks and taking on those tasks when assigned. If he gives up all control and the others don't take up the mantle to do their part of the job, the job will simply go unfinished and the chaos will become immensely worse. There's a lot of give and take needed for Logan's role to be successful, and right now, it will be a delicate operation to get it in working order.

And then there's Virgil, who is mostly left with all the operational tasks the right brain guys don't want to do, and since all the other parts of the production have already gone to hell, Virgil is in a constant state of stress, dealing with the aftermath. Virgil needs some order to be introduced, less chaos and mistakes, just so he can have a moment of reprieve to collect himself and then keep trekking on. He can fulfill this role, but it would probably be a lot easier if he wasn't required to do it alone. Having an extra hand or two to keep everything running smoothly would be benefit him greatly, and to not only keep an eye on how everything is running, recognizing if something has gone wrong (or how it might soon), but to help keep Thomas calm and less anxious - almost like someone who would put Thomas' priorities first, someone who cares about Thomas' self-preservation (and also maybe has extra arms), perhaps?

Additionally, Virgil needs to be willing to ask for help and be a little more forthcoming when he thinks something is wrong. He's gone into older habits more recently in the series, hiding away from Thomas instead of handling stressful situations, which is negatively impacting Thomas and the others in result. If the lighting guy were to make a mistake during a production and instead of fixing it and moving forward, he just disappeared where no one could find him, it wouldn't solve anything. The show would just be stuck until someone else tried to fix it or they found the lighting guy and tried to help him fix it, letting him know he can ask for help or rely on others to provide assistance when needed.

Virgil needs to be made aware that he has supports to lean on, but then he also needs to be willing to lean on them when the time comes.

This will help keep him (and Thomas) calmer and less stressed, while also feeling supported, and still fulfill the needed roles to keep things running smoothly.

Overall, the current production (aka Thomas' state of mind) is a torrent of chaos. If he's going to rely so much on his sides to help him out, he needs to properly listen to all of them, even the ones he would rather pretend didn't exist.

Tldr; in order for things to improve, Patton needs to be less strict, Roman needs to let others help him, Logan needs to be listened to, and Virgil needs to be made aware he is supported and then let others help him, too. Remus and Janus also need to be included in ways where they can help and not constantly be pushed away.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens, though.

[logically-asexual]

One more time with feeling

summary:

Part one of this series is 'I can tell I've rotted in your brain', about Logan being slowly pushed away over the years until one day he is kicked out of Thomas's conscious mind and becomes the orange side.

This is part two, about Logan finally coming back.

Read on AO3

Chapter 4

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words: 2250

All day Thomas could feel the hours passing and, even though his digital watch didn’t make any sound, he could hear the ticking of each second, anxiously waiting for the day to be over. It just wouldn’t end. At least the sun was beginning to set. 

As he walked towards the stairs, he got a call from the office. His coworker announced that the new props they ordered arrived, which confused Thomas. 

“What props?”

“Oh, you know, the smoke machine and the swords?”

Bingo, Virgil thought. 

Thomas sighed, dragging a hand across his face. “I thought we agreed we wouldn’t be getting those now, we needed to prioritize paying rent for the office this month.”

“You didn’t say that.”

Virgil interceded in Thomas’ head. “Are they calling you a liar?”

“Are you calling me a liar?” Thomas accused into the phone.

“No! I mean… I never heard that. I was trying to do something good for the team by ordering them early!”

“Oh, Thomas, they need to do something good for the team because you never do anything for them.” Virgil taunted. 

“That’s not true!” Thomas said. 

“Excuse me?” 

“No, not you, I mean,” Thomas stuttered, turning back to the phone, “you should have asked, I think we’ve been spending too much for this video.”

“Hey!” the coworker said, “Why should I have to read your mind? We’re all doing our parts, maybe you should have been more clear!”

“What?” 

“Uh oh, Thomas,” Virgil shook his head, “I think someone is not doing a great job at asserting his authority.”

Thomas was feeling the anxiety in his chest, lungs stressing for air. Was he a bad team leader? But that was so unfair! Danny hadn’t been to their last two meetings anyway, and Thomas had still emailed them with all that had been discussed. 

“What do you want from me then?” he asked Virgil, still speaking out loud. 

“Well you could be more respectful about the hard work I do,” the voice over the phone replied. 

Virgil snickered. 

“Excuse me?” Thomas asked. 

Patton rose up. “Oh hey!” He smiled. “We’re having a little chat with a friend?”

“No,” Thomas continued, “I know you’ve worked hard and I appreciate that, I just don’t know what we’re going to do, we really needed that money.” 

“Well you should have thought about that before asking me to place the order. You know, you often assume that I can just guess what you’re thinking but it’s not that—”

Thomas rubbed his nose between his eyes, tuning the other out. You don’t get it, he thought. 

“Are you going to pick up a fight, Thomas?” Virgil asked.

“What? No, Thomas, remember fighting is bad!” Patton replied. 

Thomas covered the phone with his hand. “Guys, be quiet, I need to solve this.” 

“And how are you going to do it, Sanders?” 

“Invite them to lunch and I’m sure we can solve anything with a sweet treat.” Patton suggested. 

Thomas ignored him, noticing the coworker was still talking. 

“—and I don’t know how you expect us to read all those emails you send, I'm sure everyone else in the office only says they read them but is lying about it—“ 

“What do you have to say to that, Thomas?” Virgil stared at him, daring him to say something, but knowing Thomas wouldn’t be able to. 

Thomas could feel sweat gathering on his forehead. “Dammit,” he whispered. 

“—like, I don’t know what the meetings are for if you’re just going to send everything written down anyway, and what is written isn’t even useful to—“

Come on, now that’s just stupid. 

He couldn’t say anything mean out loud, he wasn’t physically capable and it was pointless. Virgil was just mocking him, his Anxiety would never let him say something like that. But what was the alternative? He couldn’t leave it like this. 

Roman rose up now. “I sensed drama, what’s going on?”

“Thomas wants to insult and ruin his relationship with one of the coworkers and the office.” Virgil explained. 

“That's not true, Thomas is going to think of a way to resolve this conflict peacefully and prioritizing friendship above all!” Patton corrected him. 

“Well that’s boring.” Roman leaned back, disappointed. Then he smiled. “We should just make up some juicy gossip about them that makes Thomas look good while they quit on their own!”

Thomas sighed and spoke into the phone again. “Okay, hey. Let’s talk about this later, alright? I’ll call you back.” Then he hung up without waiting for an answer and tossed the phone to the couch. His shoulders fell as he took a deep breath.

“Well, that went well,” Virgil said.

“I told you before, Thomas,” Roman shrugged, “if you want a job well done you have to do it yourself. But I say we seize this opportunity and take as much advantage as we can of our new instruments! That sword was destined to be mine, fate just had to bring us together.”

“No, Roman, I–”

“Yeah! Let’s turn this little mishap into something positive, kiddo. That’s the attitude!”

“No!” Thomas insisted. “We won’t be able to pay rent if we don’t return those and I’ll have to get the money from my own pocket, and I’ll still lose the money from the shipping. I can’t just do that any time, personally I’m not doing great financially, either.”

“So, what? You’re gonna fire them?” Virgil asked. 

“I’m sure they had good intentions, son, give them another chance!”

Thomas threw his head back. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I thought they would read my emails after the last conversation we had about how they were important to me. I said it in the kindest way possible!”

“Maybe you’re not cut out for this and should leave this life behind and move into the forest.” Anxiety suggested. 

“No…” Thomas pouted. “There’s gotta be another way. I… I just gotta be honest. No overly nice and permissive language,” he turned to Patton, “no running away from conflict,” then to Virgil, “and the problem is their fault, they should fix it, not me,” he finally turned to Roman. 

“So what now? Are we done yet?” Roman asked, looking at himself in a handheld mirror. 

“I have to call them and just tell them that…” He paused. “That… the truth is that… that they should…” Thomas groaned. “What was the word from that Spongebob episode? When Plankton told him to be more… something? As…”

“Assuring?” Patton tried. 

“Assassin?” Roman followed. 

“Asshole.” Virgil deadpanned, earning a pained cry from the Dad. 

“Assertive!” Thomas finally said with a laugh. “That was the word I was looking for. You know, strong and firm and confident and decisive and—” 

As he spoke, turned towards Roman and Patton, he didn’t notice Logan appearing behind him. 

“—and emphatic and stro—oh my goodness gracious!” Thomas stumbled back towards the window when he saw the new Side standing in his living room. 

Logan rolled his eyes, landing on Virgil, who almost smiled at his presence. He was still wearing what he did in the Dark Side: black pants and combat boots, a dark blue leather jacket, fingerless gloves, and the makeup Remus had put on him. 

“Greetings, Thomas.” Logan said as he crossed his arms. 

Roman laughed, somewhat nervously. “Well looks like someone’s upgraded from Microsoft Nerd to Microsoft Edge–” 

“I’d appreciate it if the first words I hear upon coming here weren’t some degrading insult.” Logan interrupted. 

“Woah, woah,” Patton joined. “Why don't we all stop for a moment to clear our heads…”

“As if either of you knew a thing about thinking clearly.” Logan muttered, but couldn’t say more before Thomas gathered himself back. 

“Uh… What is going on?” Thomas’ widened eyes looked between his Sides.

“I’m here to assist you with your situation.” Logan replied.

“And you are…?”

Rather than angry, Logan’s expression reminded Virgil of a high school teacher, when none of the students had understood the instructions for the third time in a row and he was contemplating quitting his profession altogether. 

After a few deep breaths, Logan opened his eyes again, looking straight into Thomas’. “I am Logan, your…” Logan still struggled to name his role as an emotion, “Assertiveness, if you will.”

“Logan?” Thomas’ mouth was agape as he took a step closer. He averted his eyes, the memories of his logical Side suddenly coming back to his mind. “Logan!” He repeated to himself. “You…” He trailed off. 

“I am here because I thought you had an issue you wanted to resolve. So if we can have a civilized discussion–” 

“You abandoned me!” Thomas suddenly exclaimed.

Logan felt the beating of his heart speed up. So much, he worried the other Sides in the room could hear it. “Listen, we both want the same thing, and that is for you to be productive so if we can just get this one thing done, we don’t have to get into arguments about who abandoned who and–”

“Excuse me?!” Thomas’ voice only got louder. “You think I abandoned you?” He scoffed, then turned to the other Sides. “Wh-What is this? Why didn’t any of you tell me about this? I… I didn’t know you were here all this freaking time! Doing nothing while I struggled alone!”

Roman stuttered a defensive comment about how they weren’t really struggling, as Patton tried to tell them not to raise their voices. 

“Thomas,” Virgil said more firmly. “Calm down.”

Thomas tried to obey, standing still and trying to even his breathing. “That’s what you were trying to do the other night,” he whispered. “For me to summon Logic.” He turned to Logan, who now wouldn’t look him in the eye. “But you’re not Logic anymore.” 

“I am not.” Logan confirmed.

“Then why didn’t you just say so?” Thomas asked Virgil. 

“I couldn’t.”

“Why?” He insisted, before realization struck him. “It was Deceit… Deceit, goddammit! The Dark Sides! I forgot about all of them? H-How? Why?” His hands were on his head, his eyes wide, and he walked in circles looking between his Sides, waiting for one to explain anything.

“Because you–” Virgil looked not only at Thomas, but also at Roman and Patton. “–didn’t want to think about them.”

“You were in denial, Thomas. That’s how Deceit works,” Logan said, “and you’d have known that if you listened to a single word of what I tried to tell you.” 

“Not this again! We listened to you but I am not going to change what I do for a living!”

“That’s not what I’m saying! Again, if only you’d listen—“

“Hey, let’s try to take a few breaths and maybe with a mug of hot chocolate—“ Patton tried. 

“—you would do the same thing but in a more productive way—“

“How dare you! I am being so productive you wouldn’t even—“

“Ha!” Logan interrupted Roman. “You call that productive? How many videos exactly has Thomas ‘produced’ since you’ve been in charge, huh?” 

“It’s not about the quantity, Miley Citrus! The quality is what distinguishes us now!”

“The quality of the video doesn’t matter if it doesn’t exist!”

“Well, we were working on that before you barged in here.”

“And you were doing an incredible job at it, right?”

The sarcasm threw Roman off for a fraction of a second. “Y–Yes! I was!”

“Were you?” 

Roman groaned in exasperation. “Give me a break, why don’t you, you bitter–”

Logan was about to jump at the other. “How about I break your pretty face?” 

“Okay that’s enough!” Virgil’s thunderous voice paralyzed everyone, including himself. Even Logan would admit he felt the emotional tension that figuratively filled the room as everyone stood quiet.  

Logan nodded, looking at his feet. “You’re right. That has been enough. I’ll leave you alone.” 

“Logan, wait.”

He made the mistake of looking up towards Virgil before sinking out. He wasn’t good at perceiving how others were feeling, but Virgil’s eyes looked bigger than usual, shiny with the humidity of tears that hadn’t formed yet. 

The sight trapped Logan in place. He didn’t know who he feared disappointing the most, Virgil, who trusted him to show up and try, Thomas, who didn’t want to hear a word he said, or himself. Although that last one… He had gotten used to that by now. 

Noticing Logan’s hesitancy, Thomas tried to communicate with him. “I just… I can’t believe you just left me.”

“I didn’t leave you, you pushed me away. You didn’t want to be a tyrant, remember?”

“I didn’t… I didn’t call you—“

The way Logan raised both eyebrows as enough sign for Thomas to stop what he was saying. 

“So what now?” Roman exclaimed, “Are you going to propose we throw paper balls at everyone until you’re happy?” 

Logan took back his previous hesitation. He was leaving. “No, fine. I get it. You don’t want me, I’ll just go.” 

“Logan, wait!” Thomas insisted. 

“What?!” 

“I need you back. Please.” 

There was a pause, and nobody dared to say anything. Logan looked up towards Patton and Roman. None of them uttered a word. 

“I might have wanted something else before but… I see now what I was missing. I still needed you. I need you.” 

“Well… I am here now,” Logan cautiously said. “I’m different than before, but…” He stood a little straighter. “I want to help.” 

Thomas nodded, then turned towards each of the other three Sides, who were all looking expectantly at him. “Okay,” he finally said. “We can try.”

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[thissacrificeisnecxesary]

Having a lot of thoughts about Roman right now I need you guys to hear okay.

First of all I hear most often as an explanation for his like. Odd sexual behavior that he got molested and I’ve said it so many times but that’s just not enough for me I don’t know. First of all I think the fact that it’s an external source makes it far too simple for what’s going on with Roman and I feel it’s just kind of dismissive. I read Roman. Okay obviously he’s much more repressed than either of his siblings which is actually insane given how repressed they are but. But anyway. I think part of that I guess is Roman is gay I mean. I think it’s clear they want you to know he’s gay they imply it everywhere literally like the fucking his personal trainer scene. That to me is clear communication this character is a repressed homosexual. And I think his weird behavior around sex with women is kind of due to . Okay. I mean we know his a misogynist like how could he not be and viewing women as objects I think he uses women as a conduit to have sex with men. Which is very obvious in the first Roman “sex” scene where he basically cucks himself and then uses the phone with the fucking guy calling to fuck his girlfriend by the way iPhones do not vibrate that hard when you get a call there’s no way she’s into it sorry. I’m sure they’re only dating cause she’s really good at faking it Jesus Christ sorry. Anyway. Every time he has sex with a woman there’s a man attached that I think is more his main target with Tabitha It’s Tom eugh. And Gerri I think in a convoluted way it’s logan. Or I guess you could argue that Gerri unlike all of the other women has no man attached. Maybe it’s just the mommy thing? But in order for my theory to work I’m gonna say he’s fucking Gerri as some weird tangled up horrible attempt at mind fucking his dad. I dunno I find the man fuckign woman conduit theory to be the most satisfying regarding his sexual behavior because it explains why he’s sooooo not into it but also why he has the most sex scenes out of any character. But obviously that’s not all like. I mean if he was just a repressed gay guy fucking women to pretend he was fucking men he wouldn’t. I don’t think that that fully explains his situation with Gerri or the weird scene where he asks Tabitha to pretend she’s dead 😭 like on top of all the gay stuff he definitely has some sexual deviancy going on which I guess you could attribute to him getting molested or whatever. I mean I would argue he’s just one of those people that’s born that way. The “dad thinks there’s something wrong with you��� I think there’s just something a little more tragic about Roman having no idea why or how but just being. Like wrong. Especially in an environment that is not going to accept him Roman just being born wrong is soooo it. It hurts!!! But still that’s not a very satisfying explanation.

One thing I guess is the bathroom motif? I guess. For Roman significant moments happen in the bathroom allll the time!! The rocket on shivs wedding, the Gerri jerk off scene, mattson in the bathroom, menken in the bathroom. Like a LOT of Roman’s significant moments happen in the bathroom which is . Odd. I’m just not totally sure what’s trying to be communicated there, at first I thought okay he got molested in a bathroom right sure. I mean we constantly see them enter rooms that are crawling with very rich very protected very morally depraved old men and I’m sure logan might’ve brought his kids along like sure teach them the business but I doubt he was actually supervising them. It’s believable to me that that’s something that could happen but it. agh it just doesn’t work for me I don’t know. Something about it just feels off. It’s too simple. I guess it could be a gay thing I dunno. I mean for Roman it seems women are not allowed in the bathroom with him he’s only ever in there by himself or with other men. There’s even a Scene where his girlfriend joins him in the bathroom and he kicks her out so maybe? I guess. And I mean shiv says the rocket just looks like a big dick? I feel like I’m really reaching now. I just don’t. Get it. Immsoooooo lost on Roman’s character like what the fuck could this bathroom thing mean. What is actually being said there it’s sooo confusing. I don’t know. I think of the main characters Roman is one of the most underdeveloped or at least under explained. I feel his themes and motifs are not consistent enough to get a read on him the way you can with Kendall and logan and shiv. And I’m not sure if that’s a fault of the creators or an intentional thing I mean I know Roman is supposed to be the most repressed anytime he’s faced with a serious question he gives an answer that is disgusting and absurd enough to make you stop asking questions while still revealing nothing so maybe he’s supposed to be this confusing? I just can’t help but feel that he’s actually quite an irrelevant character more like Connor or something but he just kind of wormed his way into the spotlight and now I’m spending more time thinking about him than I’m supposed to. I don’t know. He’s just soooo strange. And unlike Kendall and shiv strange there’s no. It feels like there’s no way to solve the puzzle and actually get to the point with him. Like he just. Exists to jerk off on everything and say awful things. To what end?? What does it all mean!! I don’t know I mean maybe he’s just meant to be a clown? Like they don’t go in depth with his problems despite showing you that they exist because they’re so absurd all you can do is laugh. I mean that’s definitely the way Roman presents himself I just wish we could get further than how Roman presents himself. I wanna know what his deal is he just makes it sooo hard

[this-is-a-name-dont-worry]

So I've been thinking about dark side Logan.

It's a trope that was used a lot, Logan that decides "Fuck it, I'm sick of nobody listening to me", and leaves to join the dark sides. It makes for a cool story, and it's a nice exploration, but I don't think a canon dark side Logan would be like that.

Because this version of the trope goes at it with the idea that a side can chose to be a dark (or light) side, which... I don't think they can. They can wish to become a light side, they can wish to become a dark side, but there are no internal switch. The thing with dark/light is that these appellations were made up by Roman, and in the end there are no real differences between a light and a dark side.

Well, besides one. A dark side is a side of him Thomas doesn't like, a side he doesn't want to listen to.

Logan is not listened to. And he does not like it, so why would he want to join the sides who have to use tricks to be listened to?

But it's not the sides who decide. It's Thomas.

And right now, Thomas is not listening much to Logan.

Let's say, due to frustration, maybe orange's influence, and a growing denial of his own feelings, Logan snapped one day. He tells to everyone the negative things he thinks of each, but not in a angry shouty way, no, in a cold, emotionless way ("emotionless". you can hear him talks faster as he goes on, see him piercing each new targets with his eyes. but it's not enough for Thomas, also upset, to notice). He is being particularly "I'm better than everyone here", is hitting where it hurts. Thomas calls him out, but it only angers him more, so he starts saying things that he doesn't even think, just to hurt. Patton and Janus try to stop Logan, but he only gets more upset at Janus. Thomas yells at Logan to stop this, and at this point, Logan's mind is too fogged by his anger to act rationally. He says that if Thomas complains, well too bad, because he's just telling facts. He is logic, he doesn't have feelings, and he tried to sugarcoat his thoughts for way too long. Thomas is at a critical point, he has to do something, and this something is dropping the act and give Thomas true logic, true facts.

"Well maybe I don't want that!"

"What?"

"Maybe I don't want your 'true logic' if that's what you do!"

"Thomas..." Janus tries in vain to calm him down. He's not even heard.

"Surely you're kidding. What would you do without me?"

"Well, if you think that logic means being cruel and hurting the people I care about, I don't want it!"

There's a moment of silence, as what Thomas just said sinks in. Neither he or Logan calms down, but a shadow of understanding crosses over Logan's face.

"I see. So you don't want me, then?"

"If you're like this, yes."

"But you need me."

"Sometimes, like sometimes I need to lie. But I don't have to listen to what you think is right!"

"Say it then."

".... leave. I don't want to hear from you anymore."

Patton starts telling Logan's name, he can fix this, but Logan is already gone. Thomas blinks in surprise.

"Oh you fucked up," informs Virgil.

It's not the side who chose if he's dark or light. It's Thomas.

anyway i think Logan's dramatic dark side outfit should be reminiscing of a butler. servant who comes only when called to do something to help the master, whose opinions and feelings are put asides, and honestly it works better for them if they don't have any so they can serve better. And despite that, they are oh so important, because they take care of everything. They are an important role above all else, and the fact they're individuals come way, way after.

EDIT: there's art now. made by @thereibi-art

[paeonia-imagines]

Oooh how do you think the sides would be with a s/o who's a friend of Thomas that he goes to ask for an outsider's view of situations he's in

Here it is! Sorry I’ve been missing for *checks watch* a few months. Also my writing style might be a little off in this one cuz… prolonged absence..

Sanders Sides - Each of the sides with an s/o Thomas asks for advice

(CW: A tiny bit of Logan angst)

- It isn’t incredibly obvious that Logan is even dating someone (and it’s not like he’d mention it unless someone asked anyways), but the other sides have definitely noticed his slight bias towards you.

- Mainly that, whenever there’s a situation Thomas is struggling with, Logan tries to subtly convince him to get your opinion on it.

- Is this because Logan loves you and is always interested in hearing what you have to say? Maaybe. Is it also because he feels unappreciated all the time and it makes him feel better that Thomas will at least take his suggestion.. to talk to someone else for advice? Perhaps.

- But either way, you’re his s/o and Thomas’ friend, and they both trust you to provide good insight whenever it’s asked of you.

- Being the romantic side he is, Roman is definitely thinking about you a lot.

- So when Thomas gets the idea to ask a friend for advice, you’re naturally the first person he brings up.

- Of course, Thomas thinks it’s a great idea.

- However, when he goes to talk to you about the issue at hand, Roman ends up taking the stage instead.

- He keeps talking to you before anyone else can get a word in, and it wouldn’t be as bad, if he could actually stay on topic.

- Now whenever Thomas gets advice from you, he has to battle with Roman a bit to actually get to the point in under half an hour.

- Patton loves you more than anything else in the world.. except maybe puppies.. and cookies.. and love… But he loves you a whole lot!

- So of course, when Thomas is trying to figure out what to do, Patton suggests getting an outsider’s perspective on it. Of course by this he means his beloved sweetheart.

- Whenever Thomas talks to you, Patton is too enamoured to actually pay attention and usually ends up just asking about it later.

- Hey, it’s not his fault his s/o’s cute face is so distracting!

- Being as reserved as he is, the other sides (and Thomas) still find it weird to consider that he’s actually dating someone.

- When Thomas wants to go ask for advice from someone, Virgil naturally speaks up about wanting to talk to you first. Mainly because he only feels like a disaster 100% of the time he talks to you instead of the usual 110% when he speaks with someone.

- When your advice actually ends up noticeably helping Thomas, Virgil is pleasantly surprised, and even more so when Thomas starts seeking your advice more often.

- Considering where Janus’… reputation… fits in among the other sides, everyone couldn’t help but be a little skeptical at him actually suggesting something helpful.

- Of course, he simply wanted Thomas to get someone else’s opinion since it would aid in the current situation he was dealing with. However, when Thomas went to you of all people, it was a nice surprise for Janus.

- Naturally, he couldn’t help but show a little bias towards you. You are his darling s/o after all. But for the most part, Janus’ idea proved to be worthwhile (with some sides happier about than others). So he took it as a sign to try and bring you up whenever it was even slightly applicable.

- When Remus has an idea, it usually means nothing good for anyone else. So when he suggested something somewhat normal, it caught everyone off guard.

- Logan claimed he was already thinking something similar, so Thomas decided to go to you for advice.

- Of course, once he got there and saw the way you interacted with Remus, it all clicked for him that of course Remus would only bring up a decent idea just to spend more time with you.

- Although Remus’ idea of “flirting” is a bit… unorthodox, he was too focused on you to really be making as much of a disturbance as usual. But Thomas couldn’t really get a word in, so he just considered it another bad idea from Roman’s nasty brother.

[two-am-outlines-only]

Switching Sides

Summary: Logan wants some time to himself and Janus wants to enjoy a movie with the other sides in peace. They support and respect each others wants and needs, agreeing to switch places for movie night. In doing so, they both gained a bit more than they bargained for.

Warnings: none

Ships: platonic Lociet, past platonic Anciet

Word Count: 2, 305

AO3 Link

Janus adjusted his tie one final time, giving himself a once over in the mirror. His hair was combed back smartly, hat tucked away safely in his room for the time being. He had gotten the type right this time, and the white embroidered brain logo stood out against the plain black polo. The stiff dark jeans were a little uncomfortable but the dress shoes fit nicely so he couldn't complain too much. This had to be perfect, even if it was a somewhat casual setting, he couldn't afford to-

"You know you could've just asked."

Yelping, he whirled around to face the real logical side currently sizing him up with a less than impressed expression. "We aren't discussing anything important today, why are you replacing me again?"

Janus sputtered. "I wasn't!"

Logan's eyebrow raised even more. "So my choice of clothing is just that comfortable, right down to the glasses?"

"...yes."

"Janus."

The deceitful side snapped his head up to glare at the other. "Not so loud! You don't know if one of the others would hear!"

Logan cleared his throat. "No one is left in the mind scape currently except us. Even Remus is currently hiding behind the couch. I assure you no one will overhear us, though of course I will call you Deceit if that would make you more comfortable."

Narrowing his eyes, Janus took a careful step back. "Why aren't you angry at me?"

Logan shrugged. "Why are you disguising yourself to simply watch a movie?"

"Because I-well in case...just in case something comes up that....he's using this to distract himself and that's sort of like lying to yourself so it stands to reason i would want to be there." Satisfied with his excuse he glared at the other, daring him to argue.

But Logan simply nodded. "I've been meaning to get more work done anyway and would rather do that than watch Roman rig the vote multiple times only to complain about the plot of the movie he picked out. Straighten the tie and be careful."

"Just...just like that? You don't even care?"

"I require time to....gather my thoughts, after the more recent dilemmas Thomas seems insistent on making harder than they should be. Peace and quiet would be nice right now and if you're willing to take my place then I won't argue." Nodding more to himself, Logan reached out to hand him a thermos. "Caffeine helps stave off the inevitable headache. I highly recommend it."

Dumbfounded, Janus could only clutch the thermos to his chest as he watched the logical trait walk back to his room and quietly shut the door behind him. Something he couldn't quite identify tugged in his chest but he brushed it off quickly and sunk down to the apartment below.

Patton was the first to notice him as he settled down stiffly on the couch, waving excitedly and almost spilling what looked like cocoa all over the floor in the process. Nodding he looked up as Roman began to speak.

"Finally! Now that we have our resident nerd here we can vote." Janus watched curiously as little slips of paper were passed around, narrowing his eyes at the clump that Roman hid in his sleeve but decided not to say anything. He looked over as Thomas cleared his throat, taking the paper offered to him with an excited smile which he quickly dropped in favor of Logan's usual impassive expression. He didn't expect to win the vote, but maybe since it was movie night they'd watch all the suggested films to make it fair. He didn't really know how this was supposed to work, Remus and....well, nobody ever watched movies together in the part of the mind he resided in.

Quickly jotting down his selection he waited rather impatiently for the rest to finish, gripping the paper tightly as a hat was passed around.

Wait.

He could only stare as the collection hat got to him. How had they gotten his hat? When did they even get it?....How often did they sneak into his room without him knowing? He wanted so badly to yell, take his hat and sink out, but that wasn't who he was right now.

"Hey L, you good?"

His head snapped up so fast he felt his neck creak. Virgil had never....not for a long time....that tone of voice wasn't for him. Virgil stayed with the "light sides" now, he only showed concern for them. Swallowing around the lump in his throat he reluctantly handed the hat back to Thomas to give back to Roman.

"I'm adequate thank you."

His hand shook slightly as he raised the thermos of coffee to his lips, but if Virgil noticed he didn't say anything.

Swinging his attention back to the current conversation he caught Patton's response to whatever had been said. "...voted for Frozen Roman but I'm still rooting for-"

"Oh my gosh! One hundred percent of the votes went to Frozen!"

He scowled as Patton cheered. "No, fu - falsehood, I did not vote for Frozen!"

"You didn't get a vote because you didn't wear a onesie!"

Taking a preemptive swig of coffee, he mumbled out, "I don't wear those anymore, they're too childish."

"No onesie, no vote, like our founding fathers believed!"

Janus snorted quietly, covering it up with an exasperated sigh as he settled more into couch. While the movie was being set up he glared again at the stolen hat on the floor, bringing out his phone discreetly.

Dee: I know I don't have much right to ask you this, but might I request a favor?

Logan: I assure you it's fine. What do you need?

Surprised at the quick response he continued to type, glancing up every now and again to be sure no one noticed his silence.

Dee: Roman stole my hat somehow, I was wondering if it would be possible for you to get it back? I know you don't like shifting but I'm not sure how discreet it would be for me to try and get it as you.

Logan: It isn't that I don't like it, I'm just not equipped to be good at it. It does not make logical sense to disguise oneself, therefore I am at a disadvantage when it comes to such things. However, I can replicate your scales if I may have permission to 'raid your wardrobe' so to speak. Only with your consent of course.

Dee: Thank you and it's fine. Just don't go snooping around. You may not like what you find.

Logan: I will not. I have no reason to do anything other than procure clothing and so that is all I will do.

Sighing in relief, Janus settled back somewhat comfortably to watch the movie, letting the other sides' idle chatter wash over him.

----

"Fear will be your enemy."

Janus snuck a glance at Virgil at this line, glancing back away quickly at the look of panic that flashed across the anxious sides face. He wondered if Virgil would ever open up about his true nature....though perhaps until things truly calmed down it was for the best he remained determined to be closed off.

----

He nearly jumped out of his skin as Remus popped up suddenly behind him, clapping his hands at the prospect of Anna and Elsa's parents dying at sea, seemingly completely naked and comfortable enough to showcase the fact to the entire living room. Janus shot him a warning look as Remus peered at him curiously, thanking God that for once Remus seemed content to keep his mouth shut.

----

"Wait, Hans is tricking Anna making her believe he's in love with her, but she's not around...why make that face?" He had watched the movie before of course but now that he had people to discuss it with that weren't making sexual innuendos every other sentence he felt much more comfortable speaking out.

"Yeah your right...."

Janus promptly turned out the rest of Roman's sentence, discreetly entering the date into his phone that Roman had admitted he was right in something, even if he didn't know who he was speaking to.

----

"Do you think this place has a lavatory?"

"Ice toilet!" Patton giggled.

"Or a bed?" Roman countered.

"Ice bed!"

"This place sounds awful." His nature made his blood run colder than normal anyway and the thought of sleeping on a freezing cold bed on top of a mountain surrounded by walls of ice made him very much wish he had in fact worn his onesie.

----

Janus chugged another mouthful of coffee in irritation. "You meddled with the vote to ensure we would watch this and yet you're the one constantly making fun of it."

"Look, this is how I show my love!"

Janus rolled his eyes and settled back into the couch wondering if Roman showed his love this way with the others just as much as he did with his beloved Disney films.

----

Janus watched as Virgil voiced his thoughts on the matter that had made them all plan this movie night in the first place. A familiar kind of second hand hurt tugged in his chest while the others' thoughts spiraled further and further, unconsciously blanketing the room with an ever more suffocating blanket of anxiety. He watched as Roman grimaced from across the room, Patton fidgeting in place and gripping his mug ever harder and Thomas dragging fingers through messy hair as Virgil only continued talking faster and faster, becoming more and more worked up as the literal word vomit consumed any rational thoughts left in the room.

"Thomas, Virgil?" He waited calmly as Thomas peeked out from his hands and Virgil's panicked face snapped towards him. Pushing down the old familiarity he continued on. "Please do me a favor and name me five things that you can see."

"Staircase." Thomas sighed.

"Impending doom." Virgil quickly countered.

"Olaf."

"A future without friends."

"Lamp! Thomas countered forcefully. "

"Blinds."

"Pants."

"Now four things you can feel." Looking intently at the two he nodded in encouragement.

"Pants."

"A bad feeling." Virgil muttered.

"The couch."

"Wall."

"Hair."

"Three you can hear." He smiled in relief as Virgil began to participate more, visibly calming as his mind was brought back to the present.

"Olaf."

"The fan."

"The ice machine for some reason."

Thomas really needed to fix his appliances. "Two things can smell."

"Clean shirt."

"The deodorant Thomas put on because....he was gonna go out tonight."

"And one thing you can taste."

"A sour taste in my mouth probably leftover from those reheated tai noodle leftovers."

Both variably more calm, Janus tried gently explaining the technique he had used, though he knew they both already knew it seemed like a good idea to remind them that they were allowed to use the technique whenever they needed it.

"Thank you, Logan." Thomas breathed out as he leaned forward tiredly.

Janus smiled, going to take another swig of his dwindling coffee when he caught site of a figure dressed in black and yellow on the stairs, nobody having noticed his presence yet.

Allowing himself a smirk behind the thermos, he responded. "No problem. Just your cool teacher being his cool self."

He smiled slightly wider as he heard a quiet scoff from the figure, just loud enough that he could hear it. He hoped Logan didn't think he was making fun of him, this was a rare day where he hadn't lied once around the others.

----

Logan settled quietly on the stairs until the end of the movie, seeming content to join them quietly until Roman brought Janus' hat back out.

After they had discussed the movie's ending, with Virgil's anxious thoughts still persisting, he realized they needed to do something else that more actively distracted them all from the situation. As Roman brought out his hat to vote on another activity Logan stepped in quickly, Virgil hissing at him much to Janus' amusement while Logan snatched his hat back without a glance in his direction.

"I was looking for this! Don't touch my shit!" Janus bit his lip hard to keep from busting out laughing at the reality of Logan swearing at Roman for him, a warm feeling enveloping him as the others continued with whatever conversation they had moved on to. His focus came back as the ending of some kind of Frozen fix it fanfiction was being discussed, making it very hard not to feel smug as his suggestion was acted upon and Thomas definitely seemed happier than he had previously. Not being needed for whatever ridiculous story was sure to come out he sunk back down into the mind scape, startling slightly when he appeared right next to Logan who was currently fixing a spare tie as he left Janus' room.

"Ah, you're back. I left your hat on the bedside where I assume it was taken in the first place. In the future know that with a little concentration we are able to keep certain sides out of our rooms. I would suggest you utilize this to prevent future thievery."

Janus shook off his disguise and held out the stolen tie. "Thank you...for letting me- well you didn't have to allow me to go in your stead. I....appreciate the trust."

"Keep it." Logan gestured to the tie before turning away. "Just in case."

Janus watched in confusion as Logan returned to his room to lock himself away again, finally sighing and turning to his own. Smiling a little he laid the tie carefully in a drawer before plunking his hat back on his head, shoulders sagging in relief at the familiarity.

It was nice to pretend to be someone else and talk with fake friends. But maybe, in allowing himself vulnerability, he had found himself another real one.

[storytellerofuntoldlegends]

somebody loves you for yourself

A/N: I have had this nicomas fic in my head and have been working on it basically since fwsa came out, and it’s finally done!! it’s like 7k of pure fluff and nico meeting the sides, enjoy! (title is from Wake Up, Sunshine by All Time Low)

Summary: On a relaxing date night with Thomas, Nico stumbles upon someone on the kitchen- someone who looked eerily like his boyfriend. Then he ends up meeting five more "Thomases," as well as finding out that there is so much of his boyfriend to love.

Warnings: flirting, kissing, hugging, cuddling, remus being remus, janus being all “we live in a society,” mentions of amazon being a not great company (lmk if anything should be added, otherwise this is pure fluff!)

-

Things had been going spectacularly well with the cute disaster gay Nico had met at the mall. Since that fateful meeting, the two had exchanged numbers, gone on more dates… and well, it had been a few months now and Nico was pretty sure that Thomas was it for him. He really couldn’t picture his future without Thomas somewhere in it. Nico wasn’t really sure what he’d do without Thomas’s infectious enthusiasm, how he could go a day without seeing the way his eyes lit up when he talked about his passions or the way pink would dust his cheeks when Nico used any term of endearment towards him… well now Nico was just waxing poetic now, wasn’t he? Sue him, he was a poet! And Thomas had irrevocably become his muse.

“I was rambling again, wasn’t I?” Thomas asked, startling Nico from his thoughts. The two of them were in Thomas’s apartment, Nico watching Thomas playing Kingdom Hearts. Well… it was more Thomas playing for a bit, then pausing the game to ramble about the lore and storyline of Kingdom Hearts. But Nico was more than content to listen and watch as Thomas gestured emphatically as he spoke. Although Nico admittedly got caught up in how Thomas’s voice was like audible sunshine, how Thomas could start literally glowing from excitement and Nico wouldn’t bat an eye… Thomas once confessed to him that he had thought Nico was radiant the first time he saw him, but Nico was pretty sure it was the other way around. Thomas was the radiant one, like a beam of sunlight that had gotten confused and taken human form.

“No, it’s okay! I like hearing you ramble, it’s cute! Although… I will admit that I might have gotten a little distracted by said cuteness and zoned out,” Nico replied with a sheepish laugh. Thomas flushed and let out a squeak, hands flapping excitedly for a moment before he covered his mouth, as if he were trying to hold back the squeak that he had already let out.

“You know I don’t know how to respond to compliments!” Thomas protested when he dropped his hands down from his mouth.

“Think of it this way, babe- if I keep giving you compliments, you’ll have more practice at responding to them! Besides, you’re unreasonably cute when you get all blushy and stimmy like this,” Nico said with a grin. Thomas squeaked again, this time opting to bury his whole face in his hands.

“This is RUDE I’m being ATTACKED!” Thomas exclaimed, voice muffled behind his hands. Nico chuckled, shaking his head at his boyfriend’s dramatics.

“Okay, okay, I’ll show mercy. I was gonna get some water soon anyway. Need anything while I’m up?” he asked. Thomas looked up from his hands then, face still flushed but looking less like he was going to melt.

“Nah, I’m fine, thanks though,” Thomas replied.

“Be right back,” Nico said, and with a kiss to Thomas’s cheek to fix the not-melting problem, Nico stood up and walked over to the kitchen. He flicked on the light, and he was still rather lost in his thoughts about Thomas that he didn’t notice the man sitting on the counter until he looked up and locked eyes with him. He was… Thomas?! Or at least, someone who looked eerily similar to Thomas. He wore a black hoodie with plaid purple patches and for a moment, Nico thought he had sparkly purple eyeshadow underneath his eyes. But then the man locked eyes with Nico and the eyeshadow was black. Nico let out a surprised yelp, the man sitting on the counter yelped back, and soon enough both of them were screaming.

“Uh… everything okay in here?” Thomas asked, frowning with concern as he walked into the kitchen. He didn’t seem perturbed by the man on the counter, and Nico looked between them incredulously.

“So… were you going to tell me you had a twin, or was I just supposed to get scared half to death by finding him sitting on the counter?!” Nico demanded, unable to keep his voice from rising with mild panic. Thomas’s mouth dropped open, and he looked at the man, then back to Nico.

“You can see him?!” Thomas gasped. Nico’s expression twisted with confusion.

“Uh… kinda hard to miss an emo version of you sitting on the counter. Thomas, who is this and why are you so shocked that I can see him?” Nico asked, glancing to the man again, who looked like he wanted nothing more than to cease to exist at that present moment. But surprisingly, the man spoke up.

“He’s surprised because I’m part of him,” he said, and he even sounded like Thomas, but his voice was rougher and deeper.

“What do you mean, ‘part of him?’” Nico asked slowly.

“This is Virgil, he’s my anxiety. And up until now… I thought I was the only one who could see him,” Thomas explained. And frankly, this clarification just left Nico even more confused.

“So… your anxiety is somehow… personified? And is a real, actual person?” Nico asked.

“He’s not… ‘real,’ in that sort of sense, I thought he was more like… a figment of my imagination, or a projection of how I was feeling, anxiety-wise? Although he and the others are able to interact with the real world sometimes…” Thomas trailed off thoughtfully.

“Wait wait wait. Back up. Others?!” Nico exclaimed. Thomas instantly looked a little sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I- um, well…”

“We’re his ‘sides.’ Parts of his personality, basically. There’s Logan, Patton, Roman… and a few more,” Virgil explained, fidgeting with his hoodie sleeves and eyes glued to the floor.

“Oh. Okay then… so are all of you just in his head the rest of the time? How come I haven’t seen any of you before?” Nico asked.

“We usually are in his head, yeah. But I don’t know why you haven’t seen any of us until now. Heck, me and Roman were with Thomas when he met you!” Virgil exclaimed, biting his thumb nervously after his rather panicked outburst.

“Wait, you were?” Nico asked, looking to Thomas for confirmation. Thomas smiled sheepishly, dropping his hand from the back of his neck.

“Yeah. In fact, Virgil was the one who pushed me to talk to you. And uh- I mean the ‘pushed’ part literally,” Thomas explained.

“Wait really? I just thought you were clumsy- not that being clumsy is a bad thing! Kinda endearing, actually,” Nico said, expecting the inevitable blush to travel over Thomas’s face- but what he wasn’t expecting was a squeak from Virgil and his eyeshadow turning sparkly and purple.

“I mean, to be fair I am a little clumsy sometimes,” Thomas said with a nervous laugh. Nico glanced between Virgil and Thomas, a bit of a playful smirk quirking on his lips.

“Well, whether your clumsiness is just you or your sides- I think you’re all around endearing,” Nico said, voice nearly a purr. Thomas let out a delighted little sound and flapped his hands with excitement, and Virgil outright giggled. If Nico hadn’t thought Thomas was everything to him before, he definitely thought so now with meeting one of his sides.

“Your eyeshadow turns purple and sparkly when Thomas is excited, that is adorable,” Nico cooed. Virgil let out a sound that was half giggle and half yelp, hiding his flushed face in his hands. After a few deep breaths to calm himself down, he peeked up at Nico, looking timid and insecure.

“You really think so?” Virgil asked quietly, tensing up as if he were afraid of the answer.

“I do think so. It makes sense after all… Thomas is adorable, therefore his sides are adorable too,” Nico replied with a shrug. Virgil let out an elated giggle, hands flapping excitedly- and in that moment, Nico knew that he was more than okay with Thomas having sides. It just meant there was more of him to love and appreciate.

-

Since meeting Virgil, Nico was determined to meet the rest of the sides. Thomas had explained that he could summon them whenever he wanted, but Nico insisted that they could just come to him on their own. He had felt a little bad about his first meeting with Virgil being so panic-inducing for all of them, and didn’t really want a repeat of that situation. But luckily, Nico didn’t have to wait that long to meet another one of Thomas’s sides.

Nico had been sitting at the table, idly chatting with Thomas while he was in the kitchen making dinner for the two of them. Nico had offered to help, but being the sweetheart he was, Thomas insisted that he was more than happy to handle dinner. As they were talking, one of Thomas’s sides rose up into existence. This side wore glasses, a black polo, and a tie… Nico made a mental note to tell Thomas that he looked very good dressed a bit more formally.

“Thomas, please be sure to preheat the oven for the garlic bread this time,” the formally dressed side said. Then he looked over and seemed to notice Nico, and though his expression seemed carefully maintained and neutral, Nico could see his eyes lighting up with excitement.

“Hi there!” Nico said, giving a small wave. A smile crept over the side’s face for half a second, but his expression quickly turned neutral again, and he adjusted his tie nervously.

“Hello. I am Logan, Thomas’s-”

“Wait! Don’t tell me which side you are, I wanna guess! It’s kind of like a puzzle… although I guess that’s kind of weird to say about part of your boyfriend’s personality…” Nico trailed off sheepishly. Logan’s face lit up, and this time it was purely unrestrained. If Nico could get heart eyes like a cartoon character, he certainly would have in this situation. Something about seeing this serious side of Thomas so excited… it made Nico’s heart flutter.

“Do you like puzzles?” Logan asked, sounding like he was trying not to seem too hopeful.

“I love puzzles!” Nico exclaimed. A grin took over Logan’s face, and with a wave of his hand, a puzzle appeared on the kitchen table. It was a Nightmare Before Christmas one of Jack Skellington’s face being made up of various scenes and characters from the movie.

“Oh- wait, I’m not sure if you’re going to be able to-” Logan’s sentence cut off abruptly when Nico reached out and took the lid off the top of the box.

“What were you saying?” Nico asked, setting the lid down and looking up to Logan. Nico could only describe his expression as calculating, but in a warm and endearing way.

“Fascinating,” Logan murmured, gazing at Nico. He felt his face heat up slightly at the attention, but was mostly feeling a little lost.

“Logan? What’s going on, buddy?” Thomas asked, observing the two of them from the other side of the kitchen counter. Logan blinked, shaking his head and looking a little sheepish.

“Apologies. I was rather fascinated that Nico was able to touch the puzzle box. I had momentarily forgotten that I am technically imaginary, and therefore anything I would summon would be imaginary as well. However, Nico seems to be able to interact with the puzzle,” Logan explained, and frankly Nico felt like he could listen to Logan talk for ages. He was so precise and professional with the way he spoke, but there was still an undercurrent of excitement and fascination.

“Maybe you guys are becoming more real, somehow?” Nico suggested.

“Perhaps, but you seem to be the only one who can see us. There have been some close calls with Joan and some of Thomas’s other close friends, but you have been the only one who has outright interacted with us,” Logan explained. Nico hummed thoughtfully as he began sorting out the puzzle pieces. Logan sat down with him and helped sort the pieces as well, flushing slightly as their hands brushed whenever they reached for the same pieces.

“Maybe it has to do with how close to Thomas someone is?” Nico asked. A contemplative expression came over Logan’s face.

“I am not responsible for Thomas’s emotions, so I would have no way of knowing. But that is a plausible theory,” Logan replied. Nico nodded, and went back to the puzzle for a few moments, sneaking a few glances at Logan every now and then.

“Well, you confirmed that you aren’t Thomas’s emotional side, and I know you aren’t his anxiety because I already met Virgil. And you seem to like Nightmare Before Christmas, but I’m not sure if that really contributes to which side you are,” Nico said, and was surprised to see Logan flush with mild embarrassment.

“I- while your skills of deduction are admirable, my reasonings for summoning a Nightmare Before Christmas puzzle was not because I enjoy the movie, but because you seem to. If the sticker on your laptop is any evidence to go by,” Logan admitted a tad sheepishly. This time it was Nico’s turn to blush, and he placed his hand over Logan’s with a grin.

“Logan, that’s so sweet! So tell me, what do you like?” Nico asked, squeezing Logan’s hand before removing it to continue the puzzle. Logan stared at his hand for a moment or two, then blinked and shook his head.

“I- erm, I do have an- an appreciation for mysteries and detective stories,” Logan replied, stumbling over his words slightly. Nico glanced up from the puzzle to see that Logan looked a little flustered, and a small smile came to his face at the sight.

“So let’s see… not emotional, seems very factual and is on the more serious side, likes puzzles, mysteries, and detectives… my guess is that you’re Thomas’s intellectual side,” Nico said. Logan’s face broke out into a grin and his expression lit up with pride, sending butterflies fluttering through Nico’s stomach.

“Correct! Although technically speaking, my official ‘title’ of sorts is that I am Thomas’s Logic,” Logan said, voice surprisingly warm and fond.

“Well then, Mr. Logic, shall we finish this puzzle?” Nico asked with a grin. A small smile slipped onto Logan’s face.

“I think we shall, Mr. Flores.”

-

Nico and Thomas had been having what they liked to call “joint creativity days.” The two of them would hang out in Thomas’s apartment while Thomas would work on a script for a video, while Nico would work on his songs or poetry. And it was on one of these joint creativity days that Nico met another one of Thomas’s sides.

“By the prophecies of Apollo, are you writing a sonnet?!” a hushed, yet excited voice piped up beside Nico. He looked over to see one of Thomas’s sides nestled rather close to him on the couch, eyes lit up with awe as he looked at Nico’s screen. The side in question was dressed like a stereotypical prince: white tunic with gold detailing, a bright red sash- but oddly enough, no crown.

“Well… I’m trying to. My songs aren’t really going anywhere, so I decided I’d try to do some poetry. But I’m getting tripped up on the syllables,” Nico said with a sigh.

“Why restrict your wondrous writing to the syllables of a sonnet? Although I do appreciate the Bard’s work,” the princely side asked.

“I thought giving myself some guidelines would help, otherwise I’ll feel like I have too many options and I don’t end up writing anything at all,” Nico said with a sigh.

“It doesn’t seem like you’re writing much with those guidelines- but this certainly is a good start!” the side said, eyes scanning over the words again. A thoughtful expression came over the side’s face, and Nico could practically see the creative gears turning in his mind. Wait… creative? Could he be- well, Nico should probably ask the side’s name before making any guesses.

“Oh gosh, what am I doing? I didn’t even ask for your name or anything!” Nico said with a sheepish laugh. The side blinked, startling slightly as he was torn from the partially written sonnet. His face broke out into a charming grin as he sprung to his feet, got down on one knee in front of the couch and took Nico’s hand in his. Nico thought he was flustered at the side’s actions- but then he spoke and Nico was fairly sure his face was burning.

“Prince Roman at your service, my fair poet,” he murmured with a kiss to the back of Nico’s hand. Nico let out a sound he absolutely refused to call a squeak.

“Where is this suave-ness when I’m trying to flirt with Nico?!” Thomas demanded indignantly. Roman stood up with a huff.

“Virgil can be very convincing when it comes to not flirting versus flirting!” Roman squawked indignantly.

“Good point,” Thomas replied with a sigh.

“Well, whenever you are comfortable enough to do it, the suave-ness is much appreciated by me,” Nico said, only sounding slightly strangled. Roman’s face lit up, and he clapped his hands together excitedly as he bounced on the balls of his feet (the lack of crown now made sense to Nico, with how much the prince seemed to move).

“Really?!” Roman squealed.

“Of course, Prince Roman- or should I say, Thomas’s creativity and passion?” Nico guessed with a grin. Nico thought Roman looked rather joyous before, but Roman’s expression turned positively ecstatic. Nico half-expected Roman to start glowing with how enthused he looked. He all but bounded forward to sit next to Nico again and hug him tightly- and then he pressed a kiss to Nico’s cheek. Nico’s face heated up once more… and okay, fine, he squeaked. Roman drew back from him quickly, looking completely mortified.

“I have never thought about a single decision I have ever made,” Roman said, voice coming out quiet and mildly strained. Nico gave Roman a comforting smile, and took the prince’s hand and squeezed it gently. Roman’s tensed form instantly relaxed, but he still looked a little distraught.

“I don’t mind a little spontaneity, your highness,” Nico murmured, thumb rubbing soothing circles over the back of Roman’s hand. A sound between a gasp and an exclamation left Roman’s lips and a delightful pink flush grew over his cheeks.

“I- Nico, you- I…” Roman rambled, seeming at a loss for words. Nico smiled warmly and leaned over to kiss Roman’s temple… and well, it looked like Roman wasn’t going to be formulating words any time soon.

“Nico! Now I’m really not going to get any work on this script done!” Thomas said with a laugh, setting his laptop aside.

“I can’t help that my boyfriend and his sides are so handsome and lovely! It makes complimenting you so easy,” Nico said, flashing Thomas a grin. Thomas squeaked, blushing just as brightly as Roman.

“This is DISTINCTLY not fair!” Roman pouted, which was frankly adorable in Nico’s humble opinion.

“You started it, dear Prince,” Nico hummed with a shrug, turning back to his sonnet. Nothing like a little mutual flirting and flustering to get the writing motivation flowing.

-

Halloween was approaching, which meant that pumpkin patches started opening up. So Nico came up with the date idea of going to a pumpkin patch and carving pumpkins afterwards. And was the main purpose of this date to wear cute fall clothes and take pictures with Thomas? Maybe. But Nico also really loved Halloween and carving pumpkins, so really it was a win-win.

Nico took pumpkin carving very seriously, so he was meticulous when it came to choosing a pumpkin. Thomas had already chosen his, and was watching on fondly while Nico pondered over the pumpkins. Nico had narrowed down his choices to two pumpkins when a voice piped up beside him.

“Having trouble picking there, pumpkin?” the voice asked, and Nico glanced over to see one of Thomas’s sides crouched beside him. Nico couldn’t think of any other way to describe this side other than a dad with an affinity for cats. He wore glasses, a blue polo, khakis, and a cat hoodie tied around his shoulders. Nico blinked at the side with mild confusion.

“Was that… a pun?” Nico asked. The side let out a sheepish laugh, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yeahhh… not my best one. Oh hey! Can I just say that you look gord-eous today?” he said with a grin. Against his will, Nico’s face flushed and a giggle escaped his lips.

“You have a dad side?” Nico said, standing and turning towards Thomas with a laugh of disbelief. Thomas let out a sheepish laugh.

“Well, he’s technically more than that… but pretty much yeah,” Thomas replied.

“I didn’t think you or your sides could get any more adorable,” Nico said with a grin. Thomas flushed slightly, and a squeal came from the side beside Nico.

“Oh kiddo! You’re so sweet!” he cooed. Nico turned to the dad side with a slightly mischievous grin.

“Am I sweet as… pumpkin pie?” he asked. Thomas’s side giggled, while Thomas groaned at the pun.

“I’d say you’re even sweeter! My name’s Patton, by the way,” he said, holding out a hand to Nico. He looked at the offered hand, then to Patton’s face.

“Sorry Patton, but I don’t think a handshake is gonna do. Could I have a hug instead?” Nico asked. Patton’s face lit up like a child’s did on Christmas, and he pulled Nico into his arms with an elated sound. Thomas was a good hugger, Nico always felt safe and loved in his arms- but hugging Patton was that feeling times a thousand. Patton just radiated care and comfort, and Nico hadn’t really thought he needed a hug earlier, but part of him felt absolutely relieved to be hugged. One of Patton’s hands came up to gently card through Nico’s hair, and he all but purred at the touch.

“I’m not getting Patton back anytime soon, am I?” Thomas joked.

“No,” Nico replied with a slight pout, hugging Patton tighter.

“No complaints here!” Patton said, and Nico could hear his smile in his voice.

“I mean, to everyone else it probably looks like you’re hugging the air,” Thomas pointed out with a chuckle. Nico sighed, and regretfully drew away from Patton.

“That’s okay, I can always hug you later when there aren’t people around!” Patton chirped with a sunny grin. Okay, so Patton was definitely the side responsible for Thomas being like a ray of sunshine that came to life. But Nico had no clue as to what part of Thomas that made Patton. His kindness, maybe? But Nico had a feeling that Patton was more than that, that there was something more than the puns and cheerful attitude.

“I’ve gotta say Patton, you’ve got me a little stumped. Puns, sunny disposition, kindness… but I feel like there’s something more to you than that, something more specific that I can’t quite put my finger on,” Nico hummed thoughtfully.

“Do you want a hint?” Patton offered. Nico pondered this for a moment or two, then nodded.

“Sure, just don’t give it to me too easily,” he replied. Patton grinned, clapping his hands together excitedly.

“Yay! Well Nico, I just wanted to say that I am morally obligated to tell you that I heartily look forward to our next hug!” Patton exclaimed. Nico blinked in mild confusion, getting the feeling that Patton had used two puns in his hint. He pondered Patton’s sentence for a moment or two, regarding the side with a contemplative look.

“Are you… his morals? Or his heart?” Nico asked, more thinking out loud rather than settling on an answer.

“Both! Well, ‘officially’ I’m Thomas’s morality, his sense of right and wrong- but I’m his heart too!” Patton chirped.

“I knew there was something more to you than really good hugs and dad jokes,” Nico replied with a grin. Patton giggled, face flushing ever so slightly as he fiddled with the sleeves of his cat hoodie.

“Well, to be fair… I am mostly that sort of stuff,” he said, sounding a little sheepish. Nico regarded Patton with a concerned expression. Something about Patton’s demeanor… it struck Nico that perhaps the side didn’t think of himself all that highly. Maybe it was a bit of a stretch to assume, considering he had just met him, but there was insecurity in every fiber of his stance.

“Maybe, but it takes a lot of wisdom to deal with moral issues. You can be smart and silly, it’s not a dichotomy,” Nico said with a soft smile. Patton’s eyes grew wide behind his glasses, and Nico was vaguely startled to see that it looked like he was going to cry.

“Oh- I- well… well Logan’s the smart one, not me,” Patton protested, though his voice was soft and hopeful.

“Sure, Logan is logic and facts, and ‘traditional’ intelligence… but there’s a lot of different types of intelligence. You seem to lean towards emotional intelligence, which does make you smart and caring- plus you must be pretty witty to come up with puns,” Nico said, still smiling softly.

“Oh,” Patton said softly, eyes still wide and the beginnings of a smile on his face. Patton stood still for half a moment, then rushed forward to hug Nico. This hug felt completely different than the one Nico had received earlier. This time, Patton felt so small in his arms, instead of being all-encompassing comfort. Patton was the one who needed the comfort here, to know that just because he was sweet and silly, it didn’t mean he wasn’t important. Nico hugged him back tightly, reaching a hand up to run through his hair, mirroring what Patton had done with him earlier. Nico looked to Thomas over Patton’s shoulder- and was shocked to see an expression that had been eerily similar to Patton’s- disbelieving yet hopeful. Then it hit Nico- the sides’ insecurities were Thomas’s too, at least on some level. He squeezed Patton tighter and smiled at Thomas comfortingly. There was so much of Thomas to love- and Nico was determined to show Thomas that he loved every part of him.

-

Thomas and Nico were curled up on the couch, Thomas’s arm around him with his head resting on top of Nico’s. They were having a rather relaxed evening by watching The Lion King, arguably one of Nico’s favorite Disney movies (other than Nightmare Before Christmas, of course). What made this particular viewing of The Lion King so enjoyable was Thomas softly singing along to the songs and his laughter at various parts of the movie. They had gotten to “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” in the movie when Nico heard some snickering from off to the side. Nico looked over to see a mustached side with a white streak through his hair hiding behind the couch. Out of all the sides Nico had met so far, he looked the most different from Thomas. Yet something about him reminded Nico of Roman- they definitely seemed to have a similar style, as something about the side seemed regal with the elaborate black tunic and electric green sash.

“What are you giggling about?” Nico asked. The side merely cackled, wiggling excitedly behind the couch.

“You’ll seeeeeee,” he crooned. Thomas looked over to the side with an apprehensive look and sighed.

“Remus-” Thomas started, but the side (Remus?) quickly shushed him. Thomas huffed out a sigh and rolled his eyes, snuggling back into Nico. They continued watching the scene for a little while longer until Remus broke down into giggles, causing Thomas to sigh again.

“What’s so funny?” Nico asked, glancing between the television and Remus. They had gotten to the part of the song where Simba and Nala had rolled down the hill together, and Nico couldn’t quite figure out what was so amusing about that.

“Oh come on, Nala was totally asking Simba to hakuna her tatas with those bedroom eyes she was giving him,” Remus cackled. Thomas’s expression was twisted with a mixture of disgust and disappointment, while Nico couldn’t help but burst into laughter. Both Thomas and Remus looked surprised at his reaction, but Nico was too busy laughing to really wonder why.

“Hakuna her- oh my goodness how did I never think of that-” Nico said between laughs.

“And you said it would be a bad idea if I talked to Nico!” Remus scoffed with a grin.

“Cause I thought you would traumatize him, not- not whatever is happening here!” Thomas protested.

“What is happening here is that I am hilarious,” Remus shot back, his grin turning more smug than chaotic. Nico finally managed to stop laughing and catch his breath, looking to Remus with an inquisitive look.

“So you’re- what, pure chaos and humor? You also remind me of Roman in a weird way… I can’t quite puzzle you out,” Nico pondered. Remus opened his mouth to say something else, but was cut off by an indignant voice from the end of the couch.

“I resent that, I am NOTHING like him!” Roman exclaimed, crossing his arms and pouting slightly.

“Hey! I’m talking to Nico now, you got to meet him a few days ago!” Remus shouted back. Roman and Remus quickly devolved into childish bickering, sounding more like a pair of kids than two sides of a grown man.

“This is the first time I’ve seen your sides interact with each other, do they always bicker like this?” Nico whispered to Thomas, gaze darting between Roman and Remus as they continued to argue.

“More or less, but these two are a… special case,” Thomas muttered.

“I am quite special and spectacular, thank you,” Roman said, abandoning his argument with Remus to turn to Thomas and Nico.

“Pretty sure ‘special’ was not a compliment there, Ro-Bro,” Remus huffed. Roman let out a dramatic groan, looking to Remus his nose wrinkled in distaste.

“Why did you call me ‘Ro-Bro’, I know you have the capability to be cleverer than that,” Roman huffed.

“Well it’s true! Your name is Ro, and you’re my bro! And Thomas told me I couldn’t traumatize Nico,” Remus pouted.

“Wait, ‘bro?’ Like you guys are actually brothers?” Nico blurted, interrupting the argument before it could really begin.

“Unfortunately,” Roman huffed.

“Well I think I am an absolute delight to have as a brother,” Remus shot back, sticking out his tongue.

“More like an absolute fright!” Roman fired back.

“Awww, you called me a fright! That’s gotta be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me!” Remus chirped, seeming genuinely pleased. Roman let out a long sigh.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Please don’t scare off Thomas’s boyfriend?” Roman huffed. To Nico’s surprise, Remus flushed slightly.

“I won’t,” he muttered. Seeming satisfied, Roman sunk out, leaving Thomas and Nico with Remus. Nico turned to look at Remus who seemed… uncharacteristically sheepish. Nico hadn’t really known Remus for all that long, but something told him that he wasn’t the type of side to be particularly bashful.

“So… Remus. Roman’s your brother? Does that mean you guys have similar functions?” Nico asked with a contemplative expression. Remus squirmed semi-uncomfortably for a moment or two before huffing out a sigh.

“I guess so. Technically,” he said with a slight pout. Nico regarded him with a concerned eye. Remus seemed just as unwilling to admit that he had any similarities to Roman as Roman was unwilling to admit that he had any similarities to Remus.

“So you’re creativity too? But Thomas and Roman both said something about scaring or traumatizing me… so you’re Thomas’s darker creative thoughts?” Nico asked.

“Yup. But I’m his intrusive thoughts too. Y’know, those random little thoughts you get about how easy it would be to stab somebody while they’re helping you do the dishes and you happen to be drying a knife,” Remus replied, his strange melancholy demeanor shifting to something more malicious and chaotic as he spoke. Nico was suddenly reminded of the other day when he was helping Thomas do the dishes after dinner, and how Thomas had dropped a knife like it had burned him while he was drying it. Nico had fussed over him and asked if he was okay, and Thomas just blamed it on clumsiness. But now Nico could see that there was a bit more to Thomas lurking beneath the surface. Nico knew that Thomas would never hurt him- if the immense guilt and shame currently written over his face was anything to go by- but it did hurt Nico’s heart a bit to know that Thomas struggled with such thoughts and felt ashamed to talk about it.

“Well… just because you think such things doesn’t mean you’d ever do them, and thinking those sorts of things doesn’t make you an irredeemably bad person either. Plus it’s not a bad thing to have a darker imagination! Stories can’t be all sunshine and rainbows, sometimes you’ve gotta have a little darkness to even things out,” Nico explained in a soothing tone, relieved when both Thomas and Remus perked up.

“Really?” Remus asked in a disbelieving tone.

“Really! Trust me, I’m a poet. And poets love writing about dark stuff, just look at Edgar Allan Poe! He’s one of my inspirations, did you know that?” Nico asked, grinning when Remus’s face lit up.

“Me too! The Tell-Tale Heart is one of my favorites of his!” Remus exclaimed, beginning to chatter away about hearts beneath floorboards and birds that foretold death. Thomas muttered something about Nico providing Remus more nightmare fuel to torment him with, to which Nico happily placated him with a peck on the cheek and the promise to defend him from any nightmares.

-

On more than one occasion, some of Nico’s friends had enthusiastically recommended the show Good Omens to him. As it turned out, Thomas’s friends were also recommending the show to him. So they both figured it could be something they could experience together. Watching Good Omens had become a bit of a weekend tradition, and they were now halfway through the show. Nico was getting popcorn ready in the kitchen, while Thomas fussed over the television setup. For whatever reason, Thomas seemed to be struggling with pulling it up… no, that wasn’t quite it. Thomas seemed strangely hesitant about pulling up Amazon Prime onto his television.

“Something up, babe?” Nico asked as he carried the popcorn into the living room.

“No! No, I’m fine,” Thomas replied, a little too quickly as he queued up the show and sat down on the couch. For a brief moment, Nico could have sworn he heard a chilling laugh and a flash of yellow out of the corner of his eye, but when he turned to follow it, there was nothing there. Shaking his head, Nico sat down beside Thomas and instantly cuddled into his side, popcorn still in hand.

“Sure doesn’t sound like you’re fine,” Nico said, raising an eyebrow and tilting his head up to meet Thomas’s eyes. He fidgeted for a moment or two before replying.

“Just saw an article the other day about Amazon, that’s all,” Thomas said with a sigh.

“Yeah, Jeff Bezos is a crummy guy, and unfortunately we live in a capitalist world where there is no such thing as ethical consumption,” Nico said, tone grim and melancholy.

“He’s right, Thomas. After all- what’s the phrase? Ah yes… ‘we live in a society,’” a voice crooned. Nico jumped, nearly spilling the popcorn in the process, and looked over to see one of Thomas’s sides seated on the far end of the couch. The side’s appearance absolutely radiated “stereotypical villain” with the bowler hat, capelet, and yellow gloves- but Nico couldn’t help but be reminded of Crowley due to the scales on half his face and the piercing yellow snake eye. And he wasn’t sure why, but something in the way the side regarded Nico made him flush ever so slightly.

“Janus…” Thomas trailed off, pinching the bridge of his nose as if he felt a headache coming on.

“Now Thomas, we could be avoiding this guilt if we had just pirated the show like I insisted. But instead, we’re kissing up to-” the side- Janus- started, but was cut off by Thomas.

“There are… good points to what each of you are saying. But like I said before, there is no ethical consumption under capitalism. If we spent our time trying to debate the moral standards of each and every piece of media we consume- well, we wouldn’t really have anything to consume. And that doesn’t mean we should outright ignore things like a company treating their workers terribly, but we shouldn’t beat ourselves up over something that isn’t in the realm of our immediate control either. Instead, what we can do is sign petitions and look into how else we can support underpaid and overworked workers. Besides, Good Omens is arguably queer, Neil Gaiman himself has made that pretty clear. We don’t get much of that,” Nico pointed out. Thomas and Janus seemed to ponder this for a moment or two, until Janus’s face broke into a sly grin that definitely had Nico blushing.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But pirating makes Virgil freak out cause what if I end up getting a virus when I download the show from a sketchy website and then all my data gets stolen, and then-” Thomas rambled, before Janus butted in.

“And Patton prattles on about how pirating is stealing, and stealing is wrong- but tell me, stealing from a corrupt company makes a right, don’t you think?” Janus said, gaze flicking to Nico for confirmation.

“I think I underestimated you, Mr. Flores,” Janus purred, and Nico’s face was absolutely burning at this point.

“And I thought Roman was handsome and charming,” Nico said in a strangled whisper, not really meaning to say what he was thinking out loud, but was glad he did when the human side of Janus’s face turned a bright red.

“I- erm. That’s- whatever,” Janus scoffed, examining his gloves in an excuse to not meet Nico’s gaze.

“Y’know, that’s impressive. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him speechless,” Thomas commented dryly. Janus merely hissed at Thomas in reply, and Nico couldn’t help but giggle.

“Well what I think is impressive is that you have a snakey crime side,” Nico said between laughs.

“Flatterer,” Janus accused, although he was absolutely preening at Nico’s comment.

“Maybe I just think my boyfriend and his sides deserve to be flattered,” Nico replied with a shrug. Thomas let out a flustered giggle, and Janus’s human side of his face was quickly turning red again.

“Well, obviously he does. I knew that,” Janus said, trying (and failing) to seem aloof.

“The flattering also includes you here, Janus,” Nico said with a chuckle.

“Really? Oh, I’m not sure about that,” he replied, smiling coyly. Nico grinned wickedly, and Thomas glanced between Nico and Janus in a mix of mild confusion and intrigue.

“Then I’m sure you’d absolutely hate to hear that I find you incredibly stunning,” Nico purred.

“Careful there, angel- lest you fall prey to the snake in the garden,” Janus replied with a grin, flashing fangs that Nico was pretty sure weren’t there before. His brain was a little too busy re-playing the way Janus had purred “angel” on loop to actually remember.

“Speaking of snakes in gardens and angels- are we ever going to get around to watching Good Omens today or not?” Thomas asked with a chuckle.

“In a minute! I haven’t figured out which one of your sides Janus is yet,” Nico protested, shaking off his flusteredness to regard Janus with a curious eye.

“Oh please, as if you could ever unravel the marvelous mystery that is-”

“Let’s see, sneaky, snarky, dramatic, cunning, wants to encourage Thomas to commit minor crimes… anything else I’m missing?” Nico asked, cutting Janus off.

“... you forgot s-s-snakey,” Janus pouted. Nico broke into giggles at the sudden shift in Janus’s demeanor.

“Right, you’re right, sorry. So… you’re his… trickery and cunning side?” Nico tried. Janus pondered his answer for a moment or two, before he broke into a pleased grin.

“Well, I do encompass those things as well, I suppose. So I’ll give it to you- but formally, I am Thomas’s Deceit,” he said, tipping his hat to Nico.

“Pleasure to meet you, Deceit. Well, with that settled, we can watch Good Omens now!” Nico said, patting the spot on the couch next to him. Janus looked surprised for a moment or two before he shook it off and his expression was back to smug indifference.

“Well, I suppose I can be tempted to stay,” Janus said, sinking out for a moment before reappearing next to Nico. After setting the popcorn on the coffee table first, Nico grabbed one of Janus’s hands to pull him into the cuddling he and Thomas were currently engaged in.

“Hey, you’re just letting him stay cause you want double the cuddles!” Thomas teased.

“What makes you say that?” Nico asked as he wrapped an arm around Janus- while more arms than were normal for a human being wrapped themselves around Nico.

“Don’t lie to a liar, darling,” Janus crooned as he snuggled himself into Nico’s chest. Thomas rolled his eyes fondly, and with his lingering guilt about Amazon aside, the three of them settled in to watch Good Omens.

-

Thomas and Nico were on a walk in a park nearby Thomas’s place, holding hands and swinging them idly between them every once and a while. Every now and then Nico would catch Thomas giving him an incredibly sappy look- but really, Nico couldn’t blame him. After all, he was sure his own expression was as equally lovestruck.

“So, have I met all of your sides yet?” Nico asked, the question meant to be casual, but he was surprised when Thomas’s face twisted with concern and mild guilt.

“Well… you’ve met all the ones I’ve met. There’s still other parts of me that I have yet to confront,” Thomas said with a sigh.

“That’s okay! Learning about yourself is an ongoing process! And to put you at ease, there isn’t a part of you that I’ve met that I don’t love,” Nico said with an unabashedly adoring smile. This admission halted Thomas in his tracks, and he looked to Nico with wide eyes.

“Really?” he asked softly.

“Really,” Nico murmured, pulling Thomas into a kiss. Thomas made an elated sound against his mouth, holding Nico close as they kissed. When the kiss broke, he didn’t go very far, leaning his forehead against Nico’s.

“I love you too, you know,” Thomas said sheepishly.

“I know,” Nico replied with a grin, then gave Thomas another quick kiss before pulling away. He grabbed Thomas’s hand again, and the two of them continued their walk, hopelessly in love with every single part of the other.

-

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[loaffofbred]

it is time for another sanders sides theory

While i know i've made too much of these at this point, i just had an epiphany so hear me out.

While i personally dont think the orange side is Logan, my personal opinion is that he had some connection to him

In my previous theories, I've mentioned that the orange side had to have some connection to Logan, because why is Logan the only one seemingly affected by him? Hear me out, while I know that Logan drinking wine is supposed to be a joke, my overthinking mind can't handle that so this is what I've got

I found something, specifically in greek mythology, that solely shows the underlying problem with Logan. While this information can apply to Roman and Remus, I don't quite think they're accurate enough for them. Roman is chaotic but with passion and imagination, what I would be describing is not quite like that. Anyway, let's dive in.

This is the explanation of apollonian and dionysian philosophical and literary concepts ^^

Im sure you already know where i'm going with this? While I personally think Logan isn't the orange side, I think Logan has some connection to the orange side, not only because they are sides of Thomas.

I want you to focus on the sentence, 'The Ancient Greeks did not consider the two gods to be opposites or rivals, although, they were often intertwined by NATURE'

By nature? Well, as we all know, Logan is a temperamental side. His nature is not to be irrational nor come off as flustered, yet screams and is almost petty in cases where his mood swings because of the circumstances. Also, they mentioned that they weren't opposites, rather they were intertwined: to be connected, so much so, that it is hard to separate. The sentence above can be interpreted in different ways, like Logan being orange and having both of these traits, but I highly doubt that. My reason is because apollo and dionysus are two different gods and entities, and the concepts itself is the separation and opposition of rationality. Because of this, i think that because of their close connection, they are there to balance each other on certain things.

As read above, without one another, the function of the concepts would be useless. While this specifically pointed at art, Thomas' key passion is through arts, specifically theater. So, Logan while still a representation of Logic, has a connection to irrationality and chaos. Because of his nature not only in temperamental ways, but in natures of Thomas' passion with arts, logic in some way has to be balanced with chaos, instinct, and emotion. Logan only being logic is just false, he has more purposes than being his so called 'reasoning'.

We see in the special anniversary vid that he was drinking wine, 'almost'(?) excessively. While im sure it's a joke, let me live my theory dream. I think that he was slowly losing his balance with himself, and is getting overwhelmed with his lack of order. In a way, he was far more appealing to a dionysian concept of character. I think Logan and the orange side aren't particularly opposites, rather needing each other for balance and harmony to both sides of the spectrum. Almost like Roman and Remus you can say, both of them are practical opposites, but are needed for balance. Logan can't keep pushing down his dionysian ways because he is intertwined with a certain side. Im not sure what kind of connection that they have, but i think its a far deeper concept with Thomas' beliefs. We see that Thomas himself believes theres more to Logan than logic, his concept of logic should be more broader and realistic in ways. We know he's an emotional person, more so an artistic person, with his ways of expression and the importance of balance in art, it wouldn't be a surprise if the orange side is in a way a balance to logic.

but again, this can be interpreted in a different way, lets try a different perspective

What if this concept is applied to Logan himself, and not connected to the orange side? What if this is far more evidence that Logan IS the orange side? Well, then lets first consider the orange side himself. We don't know what he represents in a general way, while anger is easy enough, it is an emotion rather than a functionality. We dont have enough evidence that the orange side is just anger, again, theres far more to sides than their emotions. So, with this being an evidence to Logan being an orange side is scratched, what about Logan himself? We don't have to connect everything with orange, so let's go with Logan's personal arc and character. With these concepts of apollonian and dionysian in mind, its evident that he has no balance of the two. In a way, this is far more compelling evidence of Logan's personal troubles taunting him. With Thomas' not so subtle way of calling him unimportant, he dives himself into a state of intoxication and irrationality. His imbalance of his logic and emotion became the very thing that seem to drive his state of mind into a darker place. Almost like he doesn't want to show emotion, yet does with his body language and actions. His voice still quite robotic, yet is evident that he wasn't quite feeling well.

anyways, this became a BIG BIG ramble, but my point is that these can be connected to Logan and the orange side, or Logan himself. I know this may all not make sense prob, but at least i tried :'))

have a guud one o/

[hughiecampbelle]

Jollity (Roman Roy x Pierce!Reader)

Character/s: Roman, Nancy, Naomi

Word Count: 1,351

Requested: Roman with "I feel strange when you're around." "do you have a fever or something?" and "just to clarify: me holding your hand doesn't, like, mean anything, by the way. not in that way, at least. unless you want it to mean something. i don't mind. that's cool."? - anon

Tag: @locke-writes

A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long my love! I hope you like it my love!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

You followed behind the group, drink in hand, trying to contain your smile. They stepped out of their helicopters one by one, the two families colliding like an old fashioned war. Logan hugs Nancy as if they’re old friends. Warmly, excitedly, she introduces you one by one. They say their hellos, their how are you’s, all of them jarred by this perfect family picture she’s concocted, like a strong drink, it was powerful and pungent. Only knowing eyes saw that it was crooked, lopsided, that something was wrong. The smiles painted too wide, eyes too dead. You didn’t hate her for it, but you surely didn’t like her for it. It wasn’t real. Now the Roys, they were real. In their massive dysfunction, in the way they ran business, the ways in which you could feel their foundation crumbling. They were flawed and selfish and they weren’t afraid to show it. You hugged them all except one. If you had, he would have pushed you away, catching a fatal case of cooties. Or worse, play into even more and leave a sloppy kiss on your cheek. Instead you wait for him, the last one out, and watch him struggle with his bag. Now this brings a smile to your face. He looks at you over his sunglasses, rolling his eyes. Oh you’re so helpful, you know that? He huffs. I like to watch you struggle. You shrugged, walking beside him. You handed him the glass you’d been nursing, scotch on the rocks. Nancy hadn’t seen you pour it nor did she see it in your hand as you walked down from the house. If she had, you wouldn’t have heard the end of it. You’re gonna need this. You warned. He didn’t need to hear it a second time, sipping, passing it back and forth between you. Sharing the buzz. If you were going to make it through this weekend, you’d need to make another one, stronger than the last. His suitcase thumped against his leg, making it hard for him to keep. Good, you wanted to laugh, he looked stupid anyways. 

Come, sit, we have much to discuss. Nancy used the voice she only used for guests, far cheerier than usual. Logan took his own seat, you, Roman, Kendall, and Shiv taking the opposing couch. From where Nan sat, your cousins looked like puppets. Did she want water? They practically fought one another for the pitcher. If she was happy, so were you. At least, that’s how it was supposed to go. You and Roman sat close to one another, your knees touching. Every so often, without looking down, you’d scooch your leg closer for a second, then back into place, while you were given the riveting welcome speech. He leaned over sometime in the middle of it, whispering to you: I feel strange when you're around. Do you have a fever or something? You whispered back, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks, thankful he was still watching Nancy. You were never this close to him, you were never allowed to be. The only time you’d seen the Roys was for deals. He was always so busy, so intertwined with his family, it was hard to get alone time, a moment together. You had to steal them when you could, like now. 

Come on, y/n, why don’t we get some fresh air? Nancy herded you away from them, giving them time to decide as a family what they were going to do. You watched him watch you as you let the patio door shut behind you. So much for a moment. Your cousins spoke so lovingly of her, the family matriarch, about how well she was dealing with that mean old Logan Roy and his messed up kids. Like your family had no faults, like you were perfect. You shook her hand from your shoulder, getting another drink. There was only so much of this you could handle. The lovey, dovey bullshit. Even your sister, at times, played into it. That made you want to scream. It was the Roys who had offered their condolences when your mother was killed, when your sister was in the hospital, but he was the only one to care, even after the funeral. After everyone had cooled off from their grief and Nancy took her place in the family, it was only him who reached out, who listened to your angry, crying rants about how fucked up it all was. He spent countless nights offering his words, his jokes, when you were at your darkest. He could see right through them, right through the facade, because he knew the truth. Behind the smiles and forced jollity was a family as fucked as his. Yours just wasn’t as up-front about it, Nan wanting to play pretend a little longer. 

The families stayed far from one another until it was time for dinner. Per Nan's insistence, you changed into evening wear, feeling more stupid than usual. Roman had saved you a seat, beside him, before one of your cousins could grab it. They spoke of their PhD’s, what they were studying, all the right things in politics they should be concerned about, about issues they didn’t give a damn about, but brought up to make the Roy's and their company feel shitty about themselves. At the center of the table, Nancy beamed with pride. There her family was, having an intelligent, stimulating conversation, one-upping their guests because it made her look good. Logan didn’t take the bait, but you could tell it was getting on the others' nerves. They didn’t want to talk about such things on their own, let alone with a bunch of do-gooders. Roman beside you nodded along with your family like he cared, almost making you laugh. He could pretend quite well. Feigning interest until the food was brought out. Everyone thanked Nan as if she made it, as if it wasn’t the help that had worked tirelessly over the stove and oven all day to make everything perfect. You rolled your eyes. What you wanted was to talk to him, laugh at them behind their backs, make jokes at their expense. But he got enough looks as it was saving you a seat. You couldn’t risk it. So you sat, catching glimpses of him when you turned to talk to his brother or sister.

When it was time to go out, to look at the constellations per your cousins' insistence, you took your chance. You grabbed his arm, pulling him back. He grabbed your hand in his, letting everyone file out so you were the last out. You weren’t expecting something so confident from him, so decisive. You liked it. You went to the edge of the deck far from everyone else where you were sure none of them would notice. After a while, he grew fidgety. Just to clarify, he said, me holding your hand doesn't, like, mean anything, by the way. not in that way, at least, unless you want it to mean something. You smiled, leaning into him. I don’t mind. Okay, cool. You stood like that for a while. It was all you wanted all night. Nan called you by name though, and Logan had wanted to talk things over with his party. In the end, you let go first, kissing his cheek so quickly you questioned if it happened, running back to her like always. You wished you could have seen the look on his face. Was he disgusted? Probably. But he definitely liked it. Whatever you were, whatever you had, it lived in these small moments. You weren’t a couple, not really, you were something undefined. He'd go home. You’d stay here. The both of you would rot. He’d call you when he was bored or lost or needed someone to listen to him. You’d do the same. The next time you saw one another there would be even more moments. You didn’t care what Nancy or Naomi or anyone else thought. Roman understood you and all your messiness. He even kinda liked it.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Code Words | Risk Assessment

*materializes into existence* Okay, I don't want to overwhelm you or like, spam you. I've already requested something before that got answered (which was a very cool and awesome fic, btw). So yeah. But if you are taking requests (if not, it okay. Take care), may I suggest some h/c with Logan comforting Roman? Idc about plot. Just a general ask. I just finished the most recent addition to Code Words, so I am still recovering from that entire masterpiece. Anyway, take care of yourself! Have fun :D – oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat

Read on Ao3

Warnings: described past torture, mention of past relapse, some violence, non-explicit

Pairings: none, all gen

Word Count: 5987

    I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. Roman's hands clench and unclench at his sides as he stares at the closed door. It looks so innocuous; it's just a conference room, on the second floor of the main compound building. There's a window on one side. He can see silhouettes through the cloudy glass. He knows exactly what's about to happen. He all but asked for it to happen. There's no reason for him to believe he can't do this.

Footsteps to his left and he turns to see Logan walking toward him. He's all buttoned-up again—slacks, badge, even the familiar dark blue notebook tucked into his hand. The only difference between this and all the other things Roman's seen him go to is there's a soft smile on his face. Something that unconsciously relaxes his shoulders as Logan draws closer.

"Good morning," he says, still speaking in the soft voice from a few days ago, "how are you feeling?"

"Like I just swallowed a bunch of stinging nettles."

Logan chuckles. "I have forgotten how well you use your words in unexpected ways. Despite that, I'm—well, I'm not surprised to hear it."

Roman glances at the door again. As if sensing how much he's trying to make it disappear with nothing but his glare alone, Logan rests a hand on his shoulder.

"You are not being punished, Roman. You will not suddenly become 'in trouble' over the course of this meeting. No one is expecting perfect behavior or complete recovery. You are hurting, we know. This is—"

"To help make it go away, yeah, I know." He hunches his shoulders. "Sorry for interrupting."

"It might be time we retire that one too," Logan mutters, mostly to himself, before he gently bids Roman to look up at him. He cups the side of Roman's face. "I'm here for you. In whatever capacity you decide. It would be best if you spoke for yourself as much possible, but if you want me to say something for you, I will."

A lump forms in his throat. He swallows it down. "Thanks, Logan."

Logan offers him another one of those soft smiles and pats his shoulder. "Whenever you think you're ready."

Roman looks back at the door and with a surge of courage he doesn't feel, reaches out and pushes the door open.

As soon as he spots the three people already seated inside, he wants to run away again.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

"Roman," the man sitting at the head of the table says, smiling, "good to see you. Would you care to have a seat?"

Roman glances around and picks the seat the furthest away from the others with his eyes firmly on the door. He gives a quick nod to the man who spoke and directs his gaze down as Logan comes in too, murmuring a greeting to the others. Roman wasn't quick enough to control himself not to see the mustachioed man in a cargo jacket and Janus watching him sit down. He curls his hands together under the table and picks at his palm.

I can do this. I can do this.

"Well," the man at the head of the table says, prompting Roman to look up again, "just to get us started, I'm Patton. I work in the Psych department. I've worked with Logan numerous times in the past but as of right now, I'm unfamiliar with the rest of you, except by name. Would you care to introduce yourselves, or shall we proceed?"

Roman glances around at the others who are doing a great job of pretending they're not looking to him for cues. He swallows. "Roman. Agent 34689. Level 3."

"Logan," Logan says next, "Agent 7985. Level 8."

"Janus." I'm not there. He's not Deceit. This is what needs to happen. "Agent 1432. Level 9."

"Remus," says the last man, shifting slightly in his chair. "Agent 69420. Level 9."

"Pleasure to meet all of you, though I wish it had been under different circumstances." Patton adjusts his glasses and sets a pale blue notebook at his elbow. "To give you a bit of background, I'm here on behalf of the Psych department to clear both Roman and Janus out of their last mission, and to figure out what happened with the initial debrief to plan an appropriate course of action. Under normal circumstances, of course, much of this information would be Level 6 only, but those restrictions are temporarily suspended for this meeting."

Something catches on his fingernail and Roman looks down to see he's picked one of his calluses down to a blister. He smooths his thumb over it as though that would make it go away.

"Roman?"

He jerks. He looks up. They're all staring at him. Why are they all staring at him? They need to stop staring at him.

"If you wouldn't mind," Patton says, "could you tell us how the mission went for you? From the initial brief to arriving back at campus."

Roman's back tingles. He swallows. "You want—all of it?"

"If possible yet."

"You—um, I don't think—" he swallows again— "I don't think me saying everything Deceit did to me would be good for either of us."

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Janus shift slightly and Remus rubs his thumb against his forefingers. Patton nods. "You needn't go into explicit detail if you don't wish to, but as thorough of a timeline as possible would be helpful."

I can do this. I can do this.

"I—I was told that there was an up-and-coming member of the gang that needed to be stopped. They were—he—the gang was looking to expand their operations into a new territory and was threatening the civilian population. I was to uncover how far they wanted to go and how much they knew about—"

"It's simple," Deceit remarked almost conversationally as the other goons sniggered, "you tell me what you know, and this stops."

Roman grits his teeth, arching at the pain in his spine—stop, stop, stop—

Logan lays a hand carefully on his and interrupts some kind of feedback loop. Roman takes a deep breath.

"How much they knew about us."

Across the table, he hears Remus bite back a curse as Janus fully closes his eyes. Even Logan looks pained.

"What? Why do you all look like that?"

"I believe they're trying to understand why you were assigned the mission in that way," Patton says, drawing Roman's attention back to himself, "would you like to continue?"

"I was given a rough location of where the gang's prospective headquarters were and an apartment in the area they were looking to take over. I was told not to contact the Agency unless it was an emergency or I was submitting the reports at the request of my handler."

"And how often was that?"

"Every few months on a non-schedule schedule. The longest gap was eight months."

Patton writes something down in the notebook. "Alright, thank you."

"I—do I keep going?"

"Yes, if you wouldn't mind."

"I first—um—we first—the first time I saw—" Roman sighs in frustration before turning across the table. "Am I calling you Janus or Deceit for this?"

"Whatever you want, sweetie."

"That's not helpful."

"Deceit, then, for undercover work, and Janus when we're here."

"Great. The first time I saw Deceit, then, was at the Skyrail Bridge. We'd gotten a tip that the gang was smuggling its weapons over the bridge to take root in a new warehouse and I went to stop it."

"Did you receive any direct correspondence to do so?"

"No, I just said I wasn't supposed to talk to the Agency. They didn't talk to me either."

"Why not just follow the truck, then," Remus asks, "to see where the new headquarters was?"

"Yeah, truck chock full of volatile explosives traveling through a heavily populated civilian area, why wouldn't I want that?"

"We're not here to discuss how the mission should have proceeded," Patton breaks in, quietly yet firmly, "Roman, if you would?"

Remus looks not at all chastised and returns to rubbing at his fingers. Roman takes another deep breath. "There was a way to trip the signal tower to shut down the bridge for the night. It wouldn't do anything against the truck if they chose to—I don't know, drive it through the barricade, but I figured they'd want to prioritize discretion over—whatever the hell you'd call driving through a bridge barricade."

Logan turns away to hide a smile.

"As the barricade came down, I saw Deceit get out of one of the cars next to the truck. He looked at me and said something to one of the other men he was with. I saw a car following me as I went home that night. I managed to get through two weeks before they held someone hostage at the bank nearby the apartment and used it as a distraction to get me somewhere they'd jump me."

He shifts in his chair and, despite himself, glances over at Janus.

"That's the first time we met face to face."

Janus nods silently. Patton writes something else down. "And how did that go?"

"I have a new aversion to jumper cables and a few burn scars on my back, that's how it went." Patton just nods and motions for him to continue. "Uh—he wanted to know what I knew about the gang and how I knew about the truck."

"And did you tell him?"

"Fuck no."

Logan doesn't say anything, but he's only had the privilege of knowing that Logan's proud of him a few times in his life. He'd sure as shit known to remember what it feels like.

And so it goes. Despite the way his hands shake and the way the scars start to ache again, he makes it through the painful years. How he'd been captured, interrogated, tortured, over and over not always at the hands of Deceit, but enough to make it known. How every time he'd try to do something to stop the gang, they would always know he was coming at least two hours beforehand. Sometimes that was enough for them to get away clean, other times things got really, really messy. By the time he gets to his capture at the gang's compound, he's trembling.

"I was kept in an isolated ward. I only saw Deceit. I—I tried to escape once but the terrain around the building was—I didn't make it." I'm not there. I'm not there. I'm not there. "There was a raw end to the bedpost."

Patton frowns. "I'm sorry, there was a what?"

"The bed. It was made of metal. One of the edges was still sharp. It didn't—like it was unfinished."

"I see."

"I cut up the mattress to make shoes. I used the springs inside to make them stronger. I tied them onto my feet and ran away in the middle of the night when the coast was clear."

"So that's how you did it," Janus says under his breath. Roman glances up. Janus doesn't quite meet his eyes but the ghost of a smile plays on his lips.

"I laid low for a while after that. I had to figure out how to restock my first aid cabinet, but—"

"Sorry," Logan interrupts, sounding equal parts regretful and suspicious, "what do you mean, restock your first aid cabinet?"

"One of the first things I did when I got the apartment was cobble together an at-home pharmacy, basically. So I had to—"

"You weren't given a safehouse with proper medical equipment?"

"This place barely had working walls and roof, it sure as hell didn't have anything that could possibly be considered medical grade." Logan's mouth tightens. "Why?"

"Sorry for interrupting," Logan says lowly, turning away, "please."

Roman eyes him for another moment before continuing. "So I restocked—I think I may have traumatized the person working at the 7/11 nearby, though."

"How so?"

"I mean, I stumbled in at three in the morning covered in blood asking about liquor and dental floss, probably not the greatest first impression. I don't think I got too much blood on the floor, though—oh, shit, I definitely did. Oops."

Logan pats his knee.

"Um—the next time we met was at the docks."

Janus, who had been listening to his whole spiel, suddenly looks down and away, his mouth tightening. No small part of Roman surges at the sight of him so visibly uncomfortable, after all the times he's sat back and hurt him, watched him be hurt, laughed at him being hurt, how does it feel? How does it feel to get ripped apart while other people are watching? Does it hurt? I hope it hurts. I hope you hurt as badly as I do.

But the smaller part of him, the part that's still curled up on the cold dock floor, swallows.

"Do…do you want me to stop?"

He doesn't respond for a moment, not until Patton prompts him softly. He looks up. "You're asking me?"

"Yeah."

"Don't worry about me, sweetie." Roman just glares at him. "What?"

"Kid's right," Remus says, his voice suddenly softer too, "this meeting's supposed to be for both of you. No sense in you getting hurt here too."

Janus turns to look at Remus with such a vulnerable expression that Roman's skin crawls with self-disgust. As Remus leans closer to whisper something to him, the two of them craft such a bubble of intimacy that he feels like a voyeur, stealing something he isn't supposed to see. He turns and Logan's there, reaching to sling an arm around his shoulders and let him rest his head against his chin. The hand on his back rubs in soothing circles.

"You're doing so well," Logan whispers, his voice a little thick, "so well, little one. I'm so proud of you."

"This is hard. This is really hard. I'm—I can't help it."

"Shh, shh, it's alright. You're doing spectacularly."

They sit in the quiet for a few more moments before they hear the rustling of someone sitting up. When Roman looks over, Janus is nodding with his eyes closed. He looks at Roman and Roman's heart twists at the sudden redness of his eyes.

"Whenever you're ready."

Roman swallows. "There was a ship. It was supposed to come in. It carried thousands and thousands of pounds of amphrilax."

Everyone in the room apart from Janus tenses.

"If it got into the city, it would—even if only a fraction of it was actually used, it could wipe out the entire population in one of the wards in a matter of days and would get into the whole city proper within a week. And it would be almost impossible to ensure the water supply was clean."

He shifts. The fabric rasps across his lower abdomen.

"I couldn't let that happen."

He can still feel the wind on his hair. He can still smell the stench of the harbor. He can still see the massive silhouette of the ship in the dead of night, acrid smoke billowing into putrid clouds. He can still hear the hustle of the gang members as the ship sailed into port, as it drew alongside with its terrible cargo as fleets of trucks arrived to deliver the poison into the city's bloodstream.

He can still feel the hand that grabbed the back of his collar as he pressed the distress beacon.

"They dragged me down by the ship."

The henchmen laughed and leered as the gang member held him up like a mangy dog.

"They beat me."

They took pipes and wrenches to his back. They wore steel-toe boots. They laughed and jeered and spit on him.

"One of them had a knife."

They don't tell you that it doesn't feel like you get stabbed. It feels like you got punched until the fire spreads and you look down to see red all over your hands.

"He just watched."

It was so cold. It's so cold.

It's so

cold

cold

cold

"Roman," Logan's calling, "Roman, little one, you need to breathe."

He is breathing, isn't he? He was talking. Also he needs to breathe so he doesn't pass out from blood loss. Wait. Is he bleeding? He doesn't think he was sitting down when he got stabbed. He's not at the docks. Where is he? Oh, right, he's in a conference room. He's at the compound. Logan wasn't at the docks. Logan is here. Logan's right here. He's in the compound. He's in the meeting. He's…he…

…he can't breathe.

"Look at me. Look at me, Roman." A hand on his face and he looks at Logan. "That's it. Focus on me. You need to breathe, now. In for three…out for five. Good. It's alright, try again, in for three…out for five…in for three…out for five…"

"I'm alright."

"Are you back with me?"

"Yeah…yeah, I'm here." He closes his eyes and rests a hand on his stomach. He's not bleeding. He's safe. He's not there. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize, little one. It's alright. You're doing so well."

It's safer to talk just to Logan right now. He fists a hand in the fabric of Logan's sleeve. "The sirens started and Deceit—Deceit said they had to cut their losses and go. He argued for a long time but eventually they just took a few barrels and left. He—when he was about to leave, he leaned down and told me that I owed him a favor."

He tries to choke back a sob. He fails.

"It hurt so much, Logan."

Logan doesn't say anything, but a hand slides up to the back of his head and cradles him there, gentle fingers carding through the hair at the nape of his neck. He struggles to hold in the rest of the tears and just manages to choke down the lump in his throat.

"Okay. Okay, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good now."

"Let's take a break," Patton says softly, "I need a moment to organize my notes and grab a drink."

"Come, little one," Logan says, beginning to stand, "let's get you a drink too."

Shame burning in his cheeks, Roman closes his eyes and lets Logan bundle him out into the hallway, down past the doors, to one of the bathrooms. The lights flicker on as the door shuts behind them and he can't hold out anymore.

"Hey, hey," Logan murmurs as he all but throws himself into his arms, "shh, I'm right here. It's alright, little one, you're safe now. I've got you. You're doing so well, I'm so proud of you."

"It hurts, it hurts, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't do this, I can't do this—"

Logan just wraps him up in a strong embrace and oh, if this had happened half a dozen times when he was still training, he swears he wouldn't be as fucked up now. Logan is big and soft and warm and he smells like coffee and Roman's getting his shirt all gross and he's a complete fucking mess and absolutely not something to be proud of but Logan said he is proud of him and—and—

He collapses into a heap of tears in Logan's arms.

Logan just holds him. The anchor in the storm, his arms tightly around Roman's shoulders and waist, his mouth pressed near his ear. He lets out soft shushing noises that wriggle into the tight spool of tension in his chest and dissolve it bit by bit. When Roman's sobbed his heart near free from his mouth, he adjusts his grip slightly and begins to whisper.

"Listen to me, now, little one. Just listen. You are doing an incredibly difficult thing right now. This would be challenging for any operative at any level. And you have done it admirably. Shh-shh, you have. Do not hold yourself to the standard of doing this perfectly. There is no perfect way to do this. You are doing it, that is the most important thing."

He pauses before continuing.

"I know in the past I have caused you to doubt my faith in you. My trust in you, the pride in you I have. I will do my best to make sure you never doubt it again."

"I'm scared," Roman whispers with the last of his hitching breaths, "I'm so scared."

"I know, little one. I'm right here."

Fuck it. I'm scared and someone is offering to comfort me. I'm staying here for as long as I fucking want.

So he does.

In truth, he has no idea how long it's been until he can move without feeling like he's shattered into a million pieces, even if bone-weary exhaustion traces every step he takes until he can stagger to the sink to splash cold water on his face. He grabs the paper towels and pats his face dry, wincing at how puffy he looks in the mirror.

"This looks bad—" sounds bad too— "right?"

"It does look as though you've been crying," Logan says softly, "but it doesn't look 'bad.'"

"Well, fuck it."

Logan chuckles softly as they leave the bathroom, stopping for a drink before returning to the conference room. Roman reaches out to turn the handle, but something makes him pause. After a moment, he knocks.

"Come in."

He opens the door and takes his seat, mumbling an apology about taking so long.

"No worries, kiddo. Do you feel up to continuing?"

"Yeah." He glances over at Remus and Janus—the latter of which gives him the smallest of smiles. Remus has one hand dropped beneath the level of the table and it doesn't take any special deduction to figure out why. "Um—so after the docks, I didn't see Deceit until you came by for dinner."

Remus barks out a laugh. "Wait, you're serious?"

Roman nods. "It was December. I went to go visit my family. And then my mom opened the door and there he was. And she invited him to dinner."

"Did you go?"

"I wasn't about to turn down a home-cooked meal," Janus says with a glimmer of amusement, "and I had a feeling she would…persuade me."

"Oh, she would've knocked you out and sat you up at the table, for sure."

"Your mother truly is an excellent cook."

"She wants you to come back, you know."

"Does she?"

"Mhm. She wants to know when your birthday is too." When Janus makes a face, Roman shrugs helplessly. "I don't know. It just—she's—I don't know."

"So," Patton says, getting their attention, "was this…planned in any way?"

"No. I thought—I thought he'd found out about my family and was going to threaten them if I didn't cooperate. But he said he'd just run into my mother at the store and didn't know it was my mother." Remus is still trying and failing to stifle his snorts. "We, um, went for a walk. And then he came to dinner. And then he left."

Remus snorts. Then he starts laughing properly. After a moment, Roman joins in. Then Janus, then Logan, and eventually Patton starts laughing too. It's surreal, really, but then again so was that dinner. They needed it.

"I think I still have the photos in my phone," Roman says through his giggles, prompting Janus to sober a little.

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"Wait, there are photos?" Remus leans across the table. "Show me."

"Remus," Logan says quietly but Roman's already pulling out his phone. Patton leans in as well as Roman finds the photos.

He pauses for a moment, looking at them. They really do look happy in them. A perfect postcard. Unbidden, Logan's words about them getting along if they'd met under different circumstances drift through his mind.

"Don't hold out on me, kid."

"Right, sorry."

Remus peers at the phone. His eyes widen and his mouth drops open. "Holy shit."

"They really are good photos," Janus says as Roman turns the phone to show Patton.

"Would you mind sending me a copy?"

"Sure. Uh, now?"

"Later is fine." Patton writes down something on another line and turns the page. "Was that the last time you saw each other?"

In an instant, the humor fades. Roman goes to pick at his palm again when Logan catches his hand and holds it. He swallows.

"No."

"When was the next time? Or what happened next in the course of the mission?"

Roman swallows again. He just had a drink too. "Gredence Square."

"And what was Gredence Square?"

"Sweetie," Janus says softly, "you don't have to—"

"Don't fucking speak for me."

Janus goes silent immediately and Roman closes his eyes.

"Sorry."

"No need."

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

"Gredence Square was the next place rumored to be attacked. I went to scout the location but I was captured. I was interrogated by Deceit. I was emotionally compromised due to our previous interaction. I was—I was relieved of my misconceptions. Deceit left. The other two gang members tried to kill me. I escaped. I returned to my apartment. I sent off my report."

Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't—

"—and I relapsed."

A group passes by the conference room. One of them asks where everyone else wants to go for lunch.

A cloud passes over the sun.

Patton's pen scratches against the notebook.

Logan squeezes his hand tightly.

"We met twelve more times. None of them resulted in my capture. Two months ago I was told the mission was over and to report back to campus. That's it. Until someone told me Deceit was in the meeting room and—we know what happened next."

"I don't," Patton says quietly, "would you mind telling me?"

Anger flares on the tip of his tongue. "Hasn't the gossip gotten to Psych yet? About the stupid fucked up agent who didn't know another agent was undercover? Who got tazed by Security and laughed at? You sure you don't know what happened?"

"You were tazed?"

"Yeah, I was tazed, because apparently bursting into a room when a gang member is in there warrants me being tazed when I don't know shit. And then they fucking laughed at me and I ran away because apparently that's all I know how to fucking do," he spits, "that and fail to kick people out of my room."

Logan's hand flexes in his and he squeezes in silent apology. Patton writes a few more things down and nods.

"Thank you, Roman. I appreciate the time you've taken to go through this for us. If you'd like to leave, I understand, and we can—"

"No."

Patton pauses. "No?"

"You made Janus be here for mine, I'll be here for his. That's fair."

A pained noise comes from somewhere and he only belatedly realizes it's Janus when Remus turns to whisper to him again. Janus shakes his head and waves him off. He looks at Roman. "Only if you're sure."

"We got into this mess 'cause I didn't know shit. I'm not going to make that mistake again." He scrunches down in his seat. "And it's only fair."

He can feel Remus looking at him.

"Janus," Patton says softly, "whenever you're ready."

A shaky breath across the table. "I was given a mission about six years ago to infiltrate the gang to gather intel to eliminate the caucus that runs it. I was given regular drop-offs with other members of the agency, a set of code phrases to use with them should my situation change, and an emergency comm."

You got all of that? What the fuck?

"Integration took about two years. By the third, I was given direct oversight of certain operations. I began to sabotage them carefully in line with the instructions given by my handler but not at the risk of exposing myself. I would regularly smuggle intel back to the Agency. At the end of the twenty-ninth month, I was informed that a safety would be deployed to help maintain my cover."

Roman's stomach sinks.

"I…incorrectly assumed that the safety had been given the same code phrases I was," he continues, his voice growing thicker, "or any code phrases at all. I did not ask my handler to confirm it."

It's your fault, part of Roman screams. He doesn't say anything.

It's the mindfuck of a lifetime, hearing Janus describe everything that happened from his perspective. How he tried to throw the others off Roman's trail, how hard he worked to make sure he wasn't compromised and Roman wasn't taken in his stead. How much it hurt now to know that Roman had no way of telling him that it was too much, that it hurt, that it hurt so much, please, please stop—

He squeezes Logan's hand.

"I told Roman this the other day, but I'll say it here as well—" Janus gives him a little nod— "I had no intention of barging in on his family celebration. Truly I was in the neighborhood for reasons unrelated to the mission and his mother spotted me from her front window. I offered to leave them once I realized the truth but Roman…invited me inside."

"It was a good dinner," Roman mumbles, "and you were…nice."

"I wanted to make up for the docks," Janus whispers hoarsely, "so I…I tried to let as much of the disguise slip as I could. But I let it slip too much and I was pulled in for questioning as soon as I left his mother's house."

He was what?

"Was your position compromised?"

"No. I managed to assure them that I was just there to gather intel on Roman, but the next time we found him, they asked me to…prove it."

Gredence Square.

"I'm so sorry, Roman," Janus whispers, his eyes squeezed shut as Remus shifts toward him protectively, "I thought—I thought that it would be safer for you if I didn't physically hurt you, but the things I said—"

"You said what you had to to keep us both safe."

"Yes."

He gets it. He does. He hates it, he feels it crawling under his skin, but he gets it. He hates himself for getting it so quickly and he hates the world for putting them in this position.

He doesn't listen to the rest of it, despite his best intentions. He's too busy trying to stop himself from drifting back into the cold, dark, wet apartment and so he can't focus on the words coming out of Janus's mouth until he hears:

"I told Roman that I understand if it takes time for him to be alright with me, and I stand by that. Regardless of culpability for everything else, I have hurt him. He has the right to assert his own boundaries."

Roman just nods. Patton writes down one last thing before he sets down the pen and steeples his fingers.

"Thank you both very much. I understand that this is not an easy thing and you both have done it. I can officially end the previous missions—which means you are both out of the debrief period and are once again free agents. With your permission, I'd like to take this and set about moving this investigation forward. No action will be brought without your knowledge and consent, but I would like to begin nonetheless."

Roman nods. So does Janus. Patton smiles.

"That brings us to the end of this meeting, unless you have anything else you'd like to discuss?" Roman half raises his hand awkwardly. "You don't need to raise your hand, kiddo, what is it?"

"The rules about agent-on-agent violence. Janus shouldn't be punished for what he did."

Janus's head whips around and Remus's eyes go wide. Even Logan squeezes his hand a little tighter. Patton tilts his head curiously. "Can you say more?"

"Janus was operating under the assumption of basic competence. If an agent is found to be willfully negligent in basic duties and capabilities, the perpetrator can't be found liable." He takes a deep breath and fights the burning in his stomach. "It's not—it's not fair to him if he's punished for something he didn't know, just like it isn't fair if I get punished under reckless endangerment."

He glances at Logan.

"See? I paid attention."

Logan doesn't say anything, just swallows heavily and squeezes his hand again.

"I'll make a note of it," Patton says, "anything else?"

"N-no, that's it."

"Janus?" Janus shakes his head, still staring at Roman. "Then you're all free to leave. Thank you for your time."

Roman stands up and Logan quickly joins him, holding his hand as they leave the room. He leans against the wall and scrubs his hands over his face. Tipping his head back, he draws lungful after lungful of the artificially cold air until he doesn't feel like he's on fire anymore.

"Fuck."

"Quite," Logan says, his voice a little thick, "oh, little one, come here."

"This level of hugging is really good," Roman mumbles, muffled against his shoulder, "you should keep it up all the time."

Logan's chuckle rumbles through him. He peers over his shoulder to see Janus and Remus emerging from the room too. Before he can think better of it, he taps Logan's arm to get him to let go and calls out.

"Remus?"

Remus pauses, turning as Roman walks up to him. "Yeah?"

Just say it. Just fucking say it. "I'm really glad Janus has you. Thank you."

Remus looks at him for a long moment. He's tall. Almost as tall as Janus, if not taller. And he's built like a brick shit house. Just as Roman starts to squirm under his gaze, he sighs. "Can I level with you, kid?"

"Yeah?"

"I didn't expect you. I thought you were gonna be some snot-nosed kid who didn't know how to deal with anything besides screaming and sulking."

"Ouch."

"But you're not." He steps forward and rests a hand on his shoulder. "You're a damn good person, you hear me? I don't care what sort of agent you are, you're a damn good person."

"Th-thanks?"

"And when all of this is over, and we've all had time to get our shit together, the four of us are gonna go out to dinner and I'm gonna tell you every embarrassing thing Janny did while we were trainees."

"Remus," Janus says from behind him but when Roman sneaks a look at him, he's smiling.

"Sound good, kid?"

"Yeah, that—that sounds really good."

Patton smiles as he hears Remus mutter something else to Roman before the four of them part ways. He looks down at his notes and adjusts his glasses, his temperament cooling rapidly as he rereads some of the sections. His mouth sets in a line and he stands, walking briskly toward the elevator banks.

He swipes his card at the last one on the left and presses a button. He watches in silence as the floors tick higher, and higher, and higher, until the doors open.

He strides down the vast hall to the burnished metal door. He presses the intercom button.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Sarah? It's Patton, I need a word."

"Buzzing you in now."

"Thank you."

He nods to Sarah as he steps into the first office, steeling himself before approaching the massive double doors. He pushes them open.

"Virgil, there's something that requires your attention."

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[writingsoftheghost]

Oblivious

Analogince get together story

Logan and Roman had been together for awhile, and they loved their relationship. But...when Virgil started joining the group more and more, the pair couldn’t help but let their attention wander.

It’s not that they loved each other any less, they just...both liked Virgil too. Roman felt bad about it, that is until Logan brought it up.

“I’m sorry!” Roman cries, “I didn’t mean to-”

Logan holds up a hand, “I’m not angry, Roman. Quite the opposite, actually, I’ve also found myself”-he coughs slightly, a red tint dusting across his cheeks- “Captivated by Virgil.”

Roman grins, “Really?”

“Yes, I have to say I find him quite endearing. Do you think it’s at all possible for him to engage in a romantic relationship with us?” He cocks his head to the side, a thoughtful scowl on his face.

Roman nods excitedly, “Oh, I think it’s possible.”

***

Virgil was sitting on the couch, when Roman decided to strike first.

“Hey, Hot Topic.” Roman plops down next to Virgil on the couch, closer than he’d ever sat before.

Virgil looks up from his phone for a second rolling his eyes slightly, “Aw, you think I’m hot.” 

“Mm-hmm,” Roman nods. Virgil nearly chokes. “What are you up to?” The prince continues smoothly.

“I...um-nothing?” The anxious side answers. 

“Well, that doesn’t sound very fun,” Roman purses his lips in a half pout, “What do you say we watch a movie?

Virgil shrugs, beginning to regain his composure, “Yeah, that sounds good.”

Roman nods, he looks at Virgil for way too long and the anxious side can feel his face heating up again, “Why don’t you choose a movie?”

Virgil shrugs, “You can pick, we should invite Logan, though.” He’s hoping he doesn’t come across as desperate as he actually is. He knows bringing the prince’s boyfriend into the mix would take most attention away from him.

“That’s a lovely idea, I’m sure he’d love to join us.” Roman disappears for a brief period of time, returning with a smiling Logan.

“Hello, Virgil. How are you?” He smiles at Virgil warmly. 

“Good. Do you want to pick the movie?”

Logan hums, “Roman and I would rather have you pick.”

Virgil looks at them both strangely, but he picks out a movie, nonetheless.

Twenty minutes into the movie, Virgil notices both Roman and Logan glancing over at him periodically.

He tugs at his sleeves anxiously, had he done something wrong? They were acting weird. 

He wanted to leave the room now, it felt too tense and it was making it hard to focus on the movie.

He makes a small show out of glancing at the clock, “Oh, I should probably get to bed...” He glances at them, hoping he sounds convincing. His heart drops when he sees Logan’s brow furrow.

“You don’t usually go to bed this early, is everything alright?

Virgil tries to mask the massive breath he sucks in, “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I didn’t sleep great last night. I’m gonna try to make up for it tonight.”

Logan’s frown deepens and Roman’s face falls too, nevertheless they let him go.

“Goodnight, Vee,” Roman calls up the stairs, “See you tomorrow.”

The couple turn to each other as soon as they hear the door to Virgil’s room shut.

Time for plan B.

*****

Logan packs a simple lunch pack, he smiles as he makes Virgil’s favorite finger foods. This plan was much more practical, he told himself.

Roman has left to ask Virgil to “hang out” for the day, Logan hopes he’d be able to convince him, he seemed uneasy the other night during their movie. Roman and Logan spent the last day coming up with this plan, as simple as it was, they thought it would work, Virgil preferred things to be simple after all. He and Logan were alike in that regard.

Logan smiles softly at the thought, however, he was quickly pulled back to reality by the sound of Virgil and Roman approaching.

“Im sure you and Logan would have more fun without me,” Virgil was saying.

“Nonsense, Logan and I both wish for you to join us.”

“Unless you really don’t want to,” Logan interrupts the pair as he steps into the living room.

“I...” Virgil’s eyes fall on the basket of food, “What did you two have planned?”

“We were just gonna go have a quiet lunch in the imagination,” Logan explains.

“And you two,” Virgil looks between the couple, confused, “Want me to come with you?”

Logan nods, “We would greatly appreciate your company.”

Virgil takes a deep breath, “Okay, I guess, as long as you’re both sure.” He glances at both of them, searching for any hint of malice or dislike, he felt bad about ruining their alone time, why would they want him to join them?

Roman smiles at him softly, “It’ll be fun, Virgil. The fresh air will be good for you.”

Virgil shrugs, “I don’t need fresh air, Princey.”

Logan grabs their lunch and Roman’s hand, “Are you both ready to go?”

Roman nods enthusiastically, “Been ready for hours! You take forever to make food!”

Logan rolls his eyes, “I like things to be done well, Roman, sometimes that takes a little extra time.”

Roman huffs, “You need anything before we leave, Virge?”

Virgil shrugs, “I don’t know, do I need to bring anything?”

“I wouldn’t think so, I’ve packed and prepared for just about everything that we’d need,” Logan assures.

“Okay,” Virgil mumbles, “‘Guess Im ready.”

“Wonderful!” Before Logan can stop him Roman reaches out and grabs Virgil’s hand.

Virgil flinches, but doesn’t pull away fully, he tries not to let Roman see the look of shock and confusion on his face.

Roman loosens his grip on Virgil’s hand slightly, worried he may have upset him, but then Virgil gives a soft squeeze and then, just like that, they’re holding hands, and Roman is leading the way to the imagination with the biggest smile he thinks he’s ever had.

Logan and Roman had already scouted the area they were going to eat at, a nice open field, perfect for easing a certain side’s parano-vigilance. The field contained a total of six trees, so it wasn’t like there could be anything lurking in the shadows.

Logan laid out a soft blanket, one with a texture that they knew Virgil liked, under the biggest tree.

Virgil sat himself on the edge of the blanket furthest from Logan and Roman. It was a big enough blanket for the distance to be noticeable, it made Logan worry that Virgil didn’t want to be there with them.

He had expected Virgil to be a little suspicious, even a little distant, at least at first, Logan knew this would be strange to him, he doubted the socially distant trait had ever been courted before.

“Virgil?” He asks in a calm tone, “Would you like some juice?” He’d been careful to avoid caffeine, knowing it could potentially highten Virgil’s anxiety.

Virgil shrugs, “I guess.”

Logan takes out the bottle of grape juice and the glasses he’d packed carefully earlier that day. When he offers Virgil a glass, he realizes that either he will have to move, or Virgil will have to move, go bridge the distance across the blanket.

Virgil makes the decision rather quickly, darting over and taking the glass from Logan, “Thank you.” He starts to shuffle back to his corner when Roman stops him.

“Why don’t you sit in the middle, Vee? That way you can reach the food?”

Virgil looks to the ground, “Didn’t want to invade your space.”

Logan frowns when he notices the hesitancy in the other’s voice, as if he isn’t sure he’s wanted. Which Logan couldn’t help but groan internally at, they’d invited him and he still feels like an intruder, anxiety truly was devoid of any logic.

“Virgil,” he holds out his hand towards the other in invitation, “You know we want you here, don’t you?”

Virgil won’t look at him, Logan sighs, “You’re more than welcome, here. We invited you, why would we invite you if we wanted you to just sit by yourself quietly? Hm?”

Virgil shrugs, “Dunno,” he mumbles.

“Is there anything we can do to make you more comfortable, stormcloud?” Roman interjects in a gentle tone, he’s aware of the tension in the way Virgil’s sitting now.

“I’m sorry,” Virgil says shakily, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“It’s alright,” Roman whispers, “You wanna go back? I’m sorry we pressured you to come.”

Virgil shakes his head firmly, “I wanna stay, I just…don’t want to be in the way. It kinda feels like I’m intruding on a date, why was I the only person you invited? You know Patton loves outdoor lunches.”

“We know, Virgil, we just…” Logan looks at Roman, Roman gives a small head shake and Logan sighs, “We just wanted to spend time with you. We didn’t mean to make you feel awkward, we’re sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, I don’t know why I’m being so weird about it, but,” and he slowly slides his hand into Logan’s open one on the blanket, “I think I’ll be okay, now.”

“Are you sure? It really isn’t a problem if you want to go home?” Roman assures.

Virgil nods his head, “Yeah, I’m sure.”

Logan smiles and squeezes his hand softly, they all know Virgil likes physical reassurance sometimes, and they’re glad he’s started accepting, and even asking for it on occasion. Patton has to remind himself constantly that Virgil has to be the one to initiate it, however.

Roman pulls out plates and food from the pack, Virgil tries to give Logan back his hand, but he’s quickly stopped, “Please don’t let go until you’re ready, okay?” Logan smiles at him, “My right hand is fully capable of doing this alone, I promise.”

Roman hands him a plate and asks Virgil what he’d like.

They eat comfortably, Virgil relaxes enough to let go of Logan’s hand, but moves closer to him and Roman anyway. Virgil talks about Halloween coming up and Logan tells him that he’s already put horror movies into the schedule for that month.

When they finish their food they continue to sit there and talk quietly. A soft breeze blowing through the field making the place even more peaceful. They were all enjoying a moment of quiet when…

Hic!

Roman sits up and stares at a blushing Virgil in shock.

The emo side ducks his head, “Shut up, Pri-hic!-ncey,” he says in an attempt at a growl.

Roman smirks, “Is there a problem, Virgil? You seem to be having a bit of trouble.”

Logan giggles, “You don’t need to be embarrassed about the hiccups, Virgil. Everyone gets them.”

“I don’t—hic—have the hiccups!” He grumbles.

Roman laughs and Logan laughs, Virgil glares at them both for a moment, but he can’t hold it for very long before he’s laughing too.

“Stop laughing at me!” He shouts between giggles.

“I don’t think,” Roman wheezes, “I’ve ever seen you hiccup before.”

“Shut—hic—up!” Virgil shoves him off the blanket with a laugh.

Roman sits back on the blanket, “Gosh, you’re adorable.”

Virgil and Logan both freeze, Virgil glancing nervously at Logan, Logan and Roman both looking at him, horrified at the thought that they’d just blown it.

“I—uh—”Virgil is still staring at Logan, a look of fear in his voice. Virgil looks at him, the face of logic not giving him any ideas as to what he’s supposed to do. He shakes his head, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, Virgil,” Logan says softly.

Roman sucks in a harsh breath, understanding the apology as a gentle rejection.

They sit in awkward silence for an eternity.

“Perhaps it’s…time we head back?” Logan suggests in a quiet tone.

Virgil’s heart drops as he decidedly believes Logan hates him now. “Yeah-Yeah, sure.”

They walk back in silence. Virgil stuffs his hands in his pockets to hide their shaking. Roman and Logan keep glancing at him, both taking his silence as a sign of discomfort.

They allow him to go to his room, wincing at the sound of his door shutting softly, not even a slam.

“I ruined it,” Roman whispers sadly.

Logan shakes his head, “We still have a chance, Love.”

Roman shakes his head, “He wouldn’t even look at me.”

“He couldn’t stop looking to me,” Logan whispers back, “I didn’t know what to say, I chose a cowards way out. I fled.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Roman places a hand on his shoulder, “I’m sorry I messed this up.”

“You didn’t mess anything up,” Logan wraps his arms around Roman’s neck and kisses a tear sliding down his cheek. “We should give him some space, we can check back in tomorrow.”

Roman nods and allows Logan to lead him to bed, not really believing any of the logical side’s attempts to reassure him.

*****

Virgil stays in his room through breakfast. Roman liked him. He should be happy! He likes Roman! But…he likes Logan too, and he’d never wanted to get between them like this.

Logan told him it was alright, Virgil took that to mean that he didn’t really blame him, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t upset. He can only imagine the fight he and Roman probably had last night.

Virgil’s heart skips a beat when he thinks about the two of them breaking up.

He didn’t know what he did to ever catch Creativity’s attention but he wished he hadn’t done it. He felt truly awful for doing this to them.

“Kiddo,” there’s a knock at his bedroom door, “You need to eat lunch, it’s almost 1:30.” Patton sounds worried, Virgil hasn’t locked himself in his room like this since he ducked out.

“I’m not hungry, Pat. I’ll eat later.”

Patton frowns, “Virge?” He asks hesitantly. “Is everything okay? You know you can talk to me if you need to?”

“I’m fine, Pops.”

Patton isn’t convinced, “Hey…you don’t have to talk about it, but if you don’t want to be by yourself you can come to my room? Might help to be somewhere else for awhile?”

Virgil sighs, “you sure?”

“Of course.”

Virgil opens the door and Patton gives him a sad smile, “come on, I’ll get you something to eat and some tea.”

Virgil nods, “Thank you.”

Patton sits down on his bed next to Virgil, passing him a sandwich and some chips.

“I messed up,” Virgil whispers as he takes a chip.

Patton looks at him in surprise, “What did you mess up, Virge?”

“Logan and Roman, I messed up their relationship. They’re fighting and it’s all my fault.”

Patton scoots closer, “I didn’t know they were fighting. How is it your fault, honey?”

“I just…I don’t know why, they invited me out to lunch with them, and it…it was weird! But then it wasn’t, and it was nice, but…Roman called me adorable and I…I like him, but he’s Logan’s boyfriend and I never wanted to hurt Logan because I like him too and I just… Logan probably hates me now, and Roman and Logan might break up and it’ll be all my fault and there’s no way I can ever make it up to him!” Virgil’s breathless when he finishes. He doesn’t know when he started crying.

Patton shakes his head, he remembers when Logan and Roman told him they liked Virgil. When Logan had asked him what Virgil’s favorite foods were. How Patton made them both promise they would be patient and gentle with Virgil’s already shot nerves.

He can’t help but be a little upset with them for letting Virgil wallow in this all day. He pushes that feeling aside, and decides to help his three hopeless friends out.

“Virge, I can assure you, Roman and Lo are gonna be just fine. But I think you should go talk to them about this. I think there might’ve been a bit of a mix up.”

Virgil cocks his head, “What do you mean?”

Patton shakes his head again, “They’re not fighting, kiddo. I promise, just go talk to them.”

“But I—”

“Trust me.”

And with that Patton is nudging him towards the door and Virgil’s in the hall.

He glances worriedly back at the father figure.

“They’re in Logan’s room last I saw.” Patton shuts the door.

Virgil feels a slight sting of betrayal at having been abandoned to face the pair alone, but he approaches the door anyway.

He stands there for two and a half minutes before knocking.

“What is it?” Logan calls through the door.

“It’s—um—it’s me, I think maybe I need to—”

The door swings open, “Virgil?”

The logical side looks as if he hasn’t slept well, Roman is standing behind him in a similar state. Virgil can just barely see the whiteboard on the back wall covered in incomprehensible diagrams and cluster graphs.

“Hey…” he gives a weird little half wave for some reason he doesn’t understand.

“Are you…alright?” Roman asks hesitantly.

“Me?” Virgil asks in confusion, “Are you two okay?”

Logan nods, “We’re dreadfully sorry, we didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that, we—”

“I got carried away, Virgil. I’m sorry,” Roman cuts Logan off.

“You couldn’t help yourself, I shouldn’t have chosen such an intimate activity for us,” Logan defends his boyfriend.

“No, this is my fault. I’m the one that put the pressure on him.”

“Love, I should’ve planned for this. I know you can’t help yourself when it comes to your feelings.”

“You can’t plan for everything. I should’ve—”

“Hold on a second!” Virgil interrupts, “Did I miss something? What are you two arguing over?”

“It doesn’t matter, Virgil,” Logan composes himself, “We both apologize for making you uncomfortable. It was not our intention, regardless, we understand if you do not wish to go on anymore dates with us”

Virgil stares at him in complete in total confusion. “Dates?”

Roman’s eyes widen, “Surely you’re aware of what we’ve been doing. We took you to a romantic lunch! We’ve been flirting with you constantly! What did you think was happening?”

Virgil looks at Logan, the logical side gives a small smile and a nod. “I thought,” Virgil starts, “I don’t know, I guess I just thought we were hanging out, and then I guess I thought Roman was hitting on me. I didn’t realize Logan was.”

“So that’s why you acted so upset,” Roman mumbles.

“Ah, I see. My advances are less…direct,” Logan explains sheepishly.

Virgil nods, “Yeah I got that now, but I thought…that I’d ruined your relationship! That I’d broken you up or something! Oh my god I hardly slept at all last night!”

Logan winces sympathetically, “We didn’t either, but we’re very sorry for distressing you.”

“It’s fine,” Virgil shrugs it off. “But you guys…both of you…want to date me?”

“Of course, if you’d allow us,” Logan smiles, “We both find you quite endearing. Would you be willing to let us continue to romance you?”

“Logan, you make it sound so formal,” roman laughs, but he has an excited gleam in his eye, “You wanna date us, Virgil? You can say no, it’s okay, but if the answer is yes we’d both be delighted to have you as our boyfriend.”

Virgil can’t help it, he’s skeptical, this feels too much like something he’d dream up, he looks both of them in the face, hunting for any sign of a joke or a lie. There isn’t any, just encouraging smiles.

“Yeah, I’d…I’d like that a whole lot.”

He’s quickly wrapped in two pairs of arms, happy laughter filling his ears.

—————

@idont-freaking-know @aceawkwardunicorn @cute-and-angsty-princess @emo--nightmaree @a-yeet-bop-bop-boom @me-a-mess-morelikelythanyouthink @katlikethesword @tranquil-space-ninja @book-limerence

[sidespromptblog]

The Goodbye Letter

Warnings: Crying (Logan), Hurt/Comfort, goodbye letter, talk of fading (past tense- Logan), and general angst. 

Summary: After months of planning and thinking, Logan decides to finally leave the light sides for good. Through a letter.

AO3 LINK

Word Count: 2188

The desk lamp next to Logan clicked on, illuminating a corner of the logical side’s room on pale yellow light as the figure of the logical side sat hunched over his desk a pen clasped tight between cramping fingers. 

It was late, so late that even Virgil would have been asleep by now. 

Which meant that it was the perfect time to do this.  

“I can do it...” Logan softly chanted to himself, as he rubbed his temples only giving the clock on his desk a wayward glance. It was late, way too late for the emotions he was trying to wrangle right now. But it had to be done now, or else he wasn’t going to get it done at all. “We talked about this ahead of time, and we know that I can do this…” 

All things considered, Logan started his letter off pretty eloquently given the state of his emotions. 

“I hope, that when you finally notice that I am no longer around. That the silence where I once stood is deafening.” He began, finding that once he started it was almost impossible to stop. “I hope that you try to fill it in whatever ways you can possibly think of, be it your singing, dancing, or probably more accurately… the arguing that never seems to go away whether I’m there or not. Whatever way you try, I hope that they all fail and I hope that you remember the time where the silence wasn’t there. I hope that you remember that it was once me, and I hope that you remember how I once was.” 

Logan didn’t feel at all angry, despite how his letter may make him seem towards those it was directed towards… he wasn’t angry about any of it. He hadn’t been angry about it in such a long time, he was more…

Comfortably numb at this point, despite what the words scrawled on the page spelled out. It was easy to default to this past anger he’d felt, rather than attempted to write out how they’d made him this way and how’d they’d made him so empty, to begin with.  

He’d need longer than a few hours to explain that, it would take days… days that he didn’t have right now. 

He had long since passed the stage of being angry or even being sad, he’d shed so many tears that it had hurt to cry and it had hurt even more to just be sad without being able to cry. He had tried trashing things, burning all of his notecards, and just ripping everything that he had once worked on to shreds. Now there was just… nothing. He was just tired at this point, and that was left was that tiredness that made him feel as if that was all that there was at this point. He couldn’t recall a single morning where he woke up not feeling this constant tiredness. And not feeling like it would be better off to not leave his bed, let alone his bedroom. 

It was just easier to write this letter, rather than having to go through the struggle of having to explain himself without being interrupted or argued with. 

“I hope it hurts,” He added without much malice left inside of him. “I hope it hurts to realize how far you’ve pushed me. I could have gone an eternity existing beside all of you, had it not been for the belittling. I’m sad to say that I probably would have stayed a little longer even if that was the case, I loved all of you so much. But after recent events… something inside of me is broken now, and I don’t think that it will ever be fixed properly.” 

Much to Logan’s surprise, he felt a stripe of wetness streak down his face at his next words dotting the page that he was writing on. 

At the admission of weakness that he now felt.

But even so, that didn’t stop him.  

If anything it only spurred him on now, even as it became hard to see throughout all of the tears.

“I am far too damaged now to come back to you all. I don’t remember when I wasn’t.” 

Taking in a shaky breath, a whimper crawled up the logical side’s throat at the finalization that settled in his chest. He loved them… truly he did. He loved Roman’s energy, and how he put everything he had into every project he took. He had always given his whole heart to them regardless of how he felt. He loved Virgil’s mellowness and the way that he thought about things as realistically as he could despite how the world scared him. He loved Patton and his cheeriness, and his drive to keep going and to see the best in things… even if it wasn’t for the best in himself. 

“When did you first break me? And when could I no longer put myself back together?” 

But right now… it was so hard to love them. So hard that it felt almost impossible at this point. It was possible he knew… but not necessarily healthy. 

It was so hard to love them when they saw him as something optional, as something that was so boring that they couldn’t be bothered to even try to listen to him. Every single time they made a comment, every time they rolled their eyes, and every time attempted to ignore him once again…

It hurt. 

Every time it hurt more and more. 

“Logan?” 

The said logical side felt his shoulders stiffen at the hand that rested on his shoulder, gently cradling him as he went through wave after wave of tears that threatened to choke him if he didn’t let them out all at once.

It most certainly didn’t stop the shaking of his shoulders as he felt the tears that he had thought were once gone and dried up, rise up again with a vengeance. They ran down like a rainstorm, dripping onto the page and smudging the ink that hadn’t even begun to dry yet. Not that it mattered to him much anyways, it wasn’t the neatness he cared about now, but rather what the words had meant to him. What the emotions that had been locked away inside of him had tried to say after all of these years, and… what he had convinced himself that he had been alright with for years upon years. 

He wasn’t okay. 

Burying his face in his hands Logan tried to choke out an apology. “S..Sorry.. Sorry.” He mumbled out behind his mess of tears, “I thought that I was okay enough to write this. I thought.. I thought that it wouldn’t hurt as much… I’m sorry.” The apology was constant, despite the hand that released his shoulder instead curled around him, pulling him into a warm hug. 

A part of him wanted to pull against it, to finish his letter and everything that it entailed. Part of him wanted to rebel against the warmth from the other side, and from the hand gingerly petting his hair as his breathing hitched and a near-silent sob bubbled out of him. But…

He didn’t, as much as that part of him wanted to… he sank back into the comfort that was so freely given to him.

Why did kindness hurt just as much as cruelness? 

“It’s okay,” That gentle voice murmured again, “We both knew that this wouldn’t be easy, writing a goodbye letter is… very hard to do. It involves a lot of digging up old emotions and putting them on display for others to see, and that’s scary and hurtful for you. You’ve been hurt, and you have a lot to say.” A soft kiss pressed against the top of his head. “It’s okay Logan, you’re doing good.” 

Taking in a deep breath he nodded before leaning his head back enough to look back at the side that had come at the sign of his smallest discomfort. Janus’ mismatched eyes stared down at him with a sad kind of understanding, it was the kind of look that anytime before he understood would have made Logan very confused. But now… now he reached up, gingerly taking the hand that had resumed the petting of his hair and placed a tiny kiss on the palm. The tears on his cheeks hadn’t even dried as Janus swiped them away, the softness was unbelievably evident in just about everything that he did for Logan. 

“Thank you,” Logan whispered, his voice cracking with each word. “I’m okay, it’ll be tough to finally finish this… but I’ll be okay.” 

Janus’ eyes searched his for a long terse moment, before finally nodding.

Leaning down the dishonest side placed a simple kiss on the logical side’s forehead, the smell of his cologne lingering. “Okay,” He slowly began. “Be sure to take a break if you need to. Call me or Remus if necessary. He’s almost done completing your space in the imagination, just a few more hours and it’ll be fully complete.” A tiny smile lit up the serpentine side’s face, “He’s very excited to show it to you…” 

Oh, Logan was sure about that. Remus had spent the past few months creating blueprints for Logan’s new home ever since the logical side had brought up his idea of just leaving. At first… Logan had brought up the idea of leaving as a last resort, as in leaving the other sides as well as Thomas. Of just leaving the mindspace and never looking back, of finding his place in the real world even if he technically wouldn’t be able to survive as anything more than a phantom of a man. He had been prepared to make that sacrifice, even if it had meant that he could begin to feel better about where he was. 

It had really scared Remus and Janus when he had talked about it…

Apparently, he had been almost manic about the idea of it.

He wasn’t exactly in the best place back then, so their fear wasn’t exactly unwarranted.   

He’d even contemplated fading into the subconscious, and just becoming one of Thomas’ baser instincts. Still acting as logic, without being present and visible for him to be summoned at will. It had been a very tempting idea back then, but now… he had better plans, with a future that wouldn’t be nearly so painful as the past. 

“Yeah,” Logan smiled, his hand reaching up to card through Janus’ loose hair. “I can’t wait.” 

“This is goodbye, I am certain that I will miss all of you. It would be impossible for me not to miss any of you, I’ve grown up with you all and seen how you’ve all changed throughout the years. I will always hold a bit of fondness for you all. Patton, Virgil, and Roman. I love you all dearly so, but… I cannot continue. I cannot last how I have been, so this will likely be the last you ever hear of me. I will not show myself to Thomas, in fact, I will not be capable of being summoned. So for all intents and purposes… this is a final goodbye. So finally… Goodbye. Sincerely and with love, Logan ‘Logic’ Sanders. For the last time.” 

With a sigh of relief, Logan neatly folded the letter that he had spent the better part of the week writing. Sealing it with a glob of hot wax, that Roman would most certainly find ironic, Logan sealed the letter before finally rising to take it to its final resting place where it would be found by the others in the morning. Rising up in the living room, he moved silently and quickly, he placed it on the kitchen counter that connected to the dining room. 

Most certain Patton would come in the morning and find it, he’d be the first to read it and thus the information would spread to the others as well. They would all know well before the morning had even begun.  

“Janus?” Logan softly called out as he rose back up into his bedroom, “Do you think it’s ready yet?” 

The excitement on the other side’s face told him everything that he needed to know as he extended his hand to the logical side. “Yeah,” Janus murmured softly, the warm smile on his face growing. “Are you ready to see your new home?” 

With a nod, Logan sank down with Janus.

Just to rise up to feel the warm sunshine on his face, and the sight of a homely cottage that had been made just for him well within in his sight. Remus had really outdone himself this time. The long grass tickled his feet, and the smell of wildflowers graced his nose, letting him know right away that place was safe for him and not a single thing would hurt him here. The babbling of the stream in the distance, and the swaying of the windchimes in the distance almost made Logan want to weep from the pure joy of it all.  

He was home. 

He was safe.