#anyway my life is completely different 10 years later which is wild to think about

[clippy]

so today (12/30/22) marks the 10 year anniversary of me making a gijinka of clippy and literally altering the course of my life... i've talked in-depth about the specifics multiple times but that doesn't matter right now... what matters is Clippy is still one of my favorite characters of all time and i love him so much

[im-totally-not-an-alien]

Final Fantasy 7 prompts #75 (FINAL LIST)

1. Iflana does not trust Cloud, not one bit. She can sense the calamity inside him and wants him to leave. Too bad both her husband and daughter seem enraptured by his very existence. Her husband rambling on about his mutated and 'safer' J-cells, as if that thing could ever be considered safe. Then it was her daughter, who seemed to take him in, as though he was no more than an injured bird needing treatment.

This thing would be the death of them. She just knew it.

2. "In my world its pretty rare for monsters to talk."

The large gray rabbit riding on his head paused to consider this, "Maybe they're just stupid?"

"Duh. They're basically wild animals. They're not really like you Loppy."

"Lopmon." The bunny creature corrected. Again.

Aka Cloud wakes up in the digital world as a twelve year old and has to find his friends...with the help of his partner digimon of course.

3. Genesis used to think mermaids were one of the most beautiful creatures in Ancient lore...until he saw a blond one swallow a fish whole. He wasn't so sure after that.

4. Au where Cloud and the remnants are escaped expiraments from a non-Shinra lab. They travel to Midgar and become mercenaries.

One of them winds up being captured, prompting the other three to rescue them, but they're otherwise preoccupied by normal human things they never got to experience. Loz loves donuts and other sweets, Yazoo adores taking long hot bathes, and Kadaj always seems to have headphones on, etc.

The holy trinity are shocked when the four don't recognize Sephiroth. Genesis also nearly has a heart attack when he catches them roasting a doomrat over an open flame. "You're not actually going to eat that, are you?"

5. Hojos alarm was triggered at three in the morning. Usually this wouldn't be an issue, creatures attempted to escape Shinras (and by extention his) clutches on a regular basis. They were usually recaptured or destroyed within the hour.

What was strange was the fact that this was Jenovas alarm. His goddess tended to not move much beyond bobbing up and down in her tank.

Upon checking the security feed, he witnessed something infuriating. A blond man was holding an armful of wildflowers and bossing around three silver haired teens as they dismantled her shrine and stole her away. Jenova herself seemed...interested? Approving? He wasn't sure, but it looked like she was cooing at them. Further analysis was required.

6. Time travel au, but the whole thing is from Hojos perspective and he suffers

7. Cloud and Reeve were having a discussion about Clouds Jenova abilities and why he never used them, which eventually lead Cloud to picking up a pebble and stating, "Its not like a can just force some of my life energy into a rock and make it a planet"

And then he did. Tfw

8. High fantasy, no materia au.

Magic is rarely seen in humans, rather a tool used by monsters. On the day Clouds mother is murdered his abilities awaken, creating a powerful snowstorm that ripped the town of Nebilhiem apart.

Ten years later and the storm rages on, having grown to cover nearly the entirety of the mountain, rendering communication with nearby kingdoms difficult and travel impossible.

The famed General Rhapsodous is sent to slay whatever great beast is causing this catastrophe. When he is faced with a young man living up there in complete isolation, he chooses to stay with the mysterious man until he can locate the monster.

What will become of Cloud once Genesis discovers the truth? After all, a witch is considered a form of monster.

9. "I should have just remained a puppet!"

Genesis mulled over the words as though they alone could unravel the mystery that is Strife.

Some part of the redhead felt a little bad about using the strange man's emotional outburst against him, but things were getting desperate...

10. Time traveler au where Genesis dresses in drag to save this "Tifa" girl from the Don. He then tries to get her to go to Shinra for questioning and is punched for his efforts

11. Cloud is thrown into a world where he never existed and Shinra still reigns supreme. Worse, he has no memory of who he is or how he got there (cause Jenova destroyed them). He only has his bike and his sword and begins traveling to find a purpose, all while avoiding Shinras detection.

He often stops at inns and rest stops and often sees the same group of people. The large man with a gun arm grew suspicious from seeing him everywhere they went.

___________________________

"Go away."

The knocking came again. "I know you're in there blondie." A gruff voice replied.

"I'm not gay."

The man on the other side of the door began sputtering. "Look," another voice began, "We just need to talk."

"Yeah. Sure. Talk." He said flatly. "In the middle of the night." He went over to the door anyway. Opening it revealed the man with a gun arm and another man with wild black hair.

"Zack?" The blond blurted, startled. What was one of Shinras Supreme doing out here?!

"You remember me!" The man beamed, "SOLDIER First Class Zack Fair, at your service! Now the real question!"

The man leaned down a bit to the mysterious blonds level, "Who are you?"

12. "Can you do it?" The softness of Denzels voice seemed to make the situation all the more horrifying. "Can you kill me?" Eerie mako green eyes stared up at where Cloud stood frozen.

Denzel pulled a knife from the block, "Or will your son kill you?"

Aka Seph plays mind games by possessing the kids from Advent Children and using them to torment Cloud and make him look like a lunatic

13. Cloud gets sent back in time/ alternate reality, ect. but gets turned into a white materia. He's careful not to roll around while people are looking, but that doesn't stop people from saying, "Hey, look! A materia! " and picking him up. He has no real power...other than apparently soothing anyone/anything he comes into contact with.

Strangely, he keeps getting slotted into bracers (among other things) regularly. Ya'll, he's so annoyed.

14. There were two of him. Two Sephiroths. The blond began regulating his breathing, desperately trying to ward off an ensuing panic attack. He wouldn't stand a chance if they decided to work together.

Luckily, one insulted the other and thus a catfight of epic proportions began, all while Cloud had a panic attack in some long forgotten closet.

15. Au where child Sephiroth overhears a scientist talking about her 'prayers being answered' and he asks her what that meant. After a brief explanation, he later prays to anyone who can hear him to get him out of the labs and/or away from Hojo.

It works.

Bonus: Cloud and Sephiroth were fighting again in the Midgar desert when Sephiroth slashed the air, creating a portal. He had intended to use it to appear behind his puppet and impale him again, but the blond rushed forward and slashed through the portal with his own sword, expecting the portal to disappear as he sailed through were it once was.

Unfortunately, it was still very much there. Just...different. Cloud wasn't given the chance to properly examine it before the feeling of being plunged into ice water overwhelmed him and he was spat out on the other side.

It was another desert, but not like the one he left. He could feel no life here. No plants, no animals, no...no lifestream. The only thing around is another version of him. One that was used and abandoned by the Sephiroth of this world.

The other blond stared at him in confusion, wielding twin sabers in a defensive position.

[thegeminisage]

what do you think are some of the biggest pieces of evidence for cas being ace? i've watched so much of the show in the past month that it all blurs together, lol, so i can't remember many specific scenes. i do remember "i'm utterly indifferent to sexual orientation" (though that wasn't about his own orientation) and cas' discomfort at idea of sleeping with women at the bordello in 5.03... anything else you can think of? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts!

rubs my hands together okay a List yeah i can do a list

wait actually first i wanna say that the biggest reason is because i’m asexual and i said so 0:) like i know that sounds a joke and it is a little bit but SERIOUSLY it’s just a general Aura or what the fuck ever about people. you know how sometimes a friend group formed in teenage years will one by one realize they’re all queers and they just grouped together organically? ace people are like that too. many of my closest friends have been aspec and i didnt even know that when i met them, THEY didn’t even know. but like if you asked me to list the ten people i was closest to over my life the huge majority would be aspec like me. we find each other In The Wild. so when i say he’s ace because i said so like i’m saying I’m Ace And I Can See Him. He Is Ace Because I Said So. my ace-dar is EXCELLENT

okay anyway with that out of the way here’s your actual list. obviously much of this can be a point in favor of many different readings of cas (and i’m not saying those can’t be true at the same time as ace cas!), but i’m ace and he’s ace and that’s what this post is about so i’m focusing on the ace parts. thank you.

list of ace cas evidence:

in general cas has a lot of trouble connecting with humanity at first which is an ENORMOUS ace mood

when dean cracks in the 4.01 deleted scene “yeah i have that problem with women” (after cas talks about the difficult in finding a vessel that can contain him) cas absolutely does not get that joke. we were having ace cas moments right from the get-go

it’s shown as early as 4.02 that cas doesn’t understand personal space. this is him not getting one single thing about human intimacy works and that he’s overstepping a boundary. it’s not just that he’s an angel (though that’s some of it) he just doesn’t intuitively understand physical stuff like that

that dean/anna kiss in 4.10. LOOK AT HIS FACE. that’s a face that says “i had no idea this is how humans were intimate with each other” and also “do i want to try that?” answer: maybe. dean’s very pretty. but something about it just feels like he’s going “whoa i never even CONSIDERED that” - like that to be sexy with the humans he’s into just didn’t occur to him

i know you said so already but WOW 5.03 brothel scene. THEEE ace cas moment

i’d also like to take a moment to tip my hat to 5.04. almost every aspec will have had a period of frustration and self-loathing where they thought at least once about maybe just having sex they weren’t into as a way to be “fixed” or to prove something. when aspecs are at their lowest and most broken, they are having sex they do not want to have. and when cas is at his lowest and most broken (in 5.04 AND 9.03, thank you), what is he doing? having sex! it’s just Interesting to me that the only times cas fucks is when he’s literally in the absolute worst points in his entire life 

also, i’m getting out of order here, but that thing in 9.03 was absolutely rape. the way he talked about it after was THEEE most comphet bullshit i’ve ever seen. “that was nice.” “she was...sooo hot.” dean winchester can’t fool me and neither can cas thee tiel. 

i know everyone was uncomfortable with the cherub in 5.14 but cas was SUPER uncomfortable. “no one likes it” yeah that’s cause he’s not a big touchy-feely dude 

i actually really hate that porn scene in 6.10, but it is a classic “i don’t get it” moment + a side of “monkey see monkey do” later when he decides to mimic it and kiss meg. she started it - he’s just going “oh yeah i remember watching that on TV - like this, right?” he’s pleased with himself for correctly mastering a form of human interaction, he’s not, like, horny. 

didn’t get the erectile dysfunction joke in 6.19

obviously, godstiel’s utter indifference to sexual orientation

strongly implied to be in a chaste marriage with his “wife” daphne when he was an amesniac

being repeatedly lobotomized in season 8 is its own can of worms. they were trying to make him straight. alas, it cannot be done

meg propositions him in season 8 and it takes him a bit to catch on. i don’t think accepting means he’s not ace, just that he’s interested in stuff humans do. would have been nice for his first time not to be with a psycho reaper who got him to trade his virginity for a pb&j :/

cas seemed REALLY nervous at the prospect of the date in 9.06, almost like it was something he had to steel himself to do - yet another weird part of human life he was resigning himself to, especially after metatron told him “go find a wife and have some babies” when his grace was taken

cas in season 10 is UTTERLY oblivious to hannah’s advances, even the ones that include nudity (and his own nudity at one point lol), and when he finally catches on he lets her down in the most awkward way possible

in season 11 he says he’s gonna take dean’s temperature and doesn’t see how that’s weird lol

he never got to truly speak to dean about his weird “””attraction””” to amara but i like to think he would have been equally confused

in season 12 in the hotel room where an orgy had clearly just taken place dean snickers and picks up the panties but cas is totally oblivious

ALSO completely oblivious when the waitress hits on him in season 12

this is a little bit of a stretch, but despite being named as jack’s “real” father, his relationship with kelly, his ostensible baby mama by proxy, seemed INCREDIBLY platonic to me. like they were such good buds! but he never had any of that romantic chemistry with her - there were no lingering notes or touches or whatever. he just wasn’t interested in that same way. 

exasperated with gabriel and talking about porn stars in season 13 lol

canonically, castiel spent seasons 4-?? falling in love with dean, but he never made a move on him physically - yeah yeah the CW is homophobic but i like to think that most of castiel’s Urges where dean is involved are not in fact of a sexual nature. he wants to be close to him and important to him more than he wants to fuck him. you can long for someone in the ace way without longing for them sexually yk

this is part of why i actually really liked the 15.18 confession - the happiness was in the being, or whatever. he was already WITH dean in almost every way that mattered (i wrote a fic about this). they shared secrets, they shared burdens, they lived together, they fought and worked together, they even raised a fucking kid together! cas was convinced he couldn’t have more than that but also he didn’t really NEED much more than that and thinking about how he had been with dean all along was what made him happy enough to literally die. yeah there’s a version of that scene where the reciprocation was enough to do it but they accidentally hacked it into an ace love scene so i will TAKE it

this concludes my list! i bet it’s a lot longer than u were expecting

[spn masterpost]

edit: a few updates

[neo-culture-mafia]

SOS Marriage (l.mrk)

— Warnings: Just prepare your uwus, freaked out Mark all over

— Words: 2.2k

— Genre: fluffy, soft and chaotic dreamies.

— Summary: “After Mark texted an “S.O.S” to his friends on their chat group, all of them came in a hurry, hoping that it wasn’t as bad as Mark made it sound like.”

“Guys, I’m screwed.” Mark stated as he was the last one to sit on the table looking like he had seen a ghost. 

He was looking awfully weird, but when he took off his cap and threw it off on the table, rubbing his face helplessly, his friends knew it was bad, they just didn't know how bad. Yet.

“Mark, what the hell? Don’t tell me you called us here just to rant about having to deal with that reckless group inside of the Junior Forces all over again.” Hyuck said in an offended, but joking tone as he stared at his agonizing friend.

“It’s worse.” Mark cautioned with an empty look on his face.

“What can be worse than that?” Jisung asked, even though he was the one with the smallest age gap with those punks.

“Marriage.”

Everyone but Mark smiled.

“What?! You proposed to Y/N?! Wow, congrats, man!” Jeno rushed to congratulate his friend, as the others on the table began to do the same.

“No, you idiots.” Mark cut off the happiness, rolling his eyes at his friends’ reaction. “She gave me the “I think we’re ready to take another step” talk last night when we were cuddling.” He motioned the quotation marks with his fingers.

“And what did you say?” Chenle asked in antecipation.

“Nothing, I panicked and pretended I was asleep before she would look at me.” Mark let his hands go to his head, messing his black hair and almost pulling hair by hair out to stop him from going crazy over the situation.

All that it could be heard inside of the room was a bunch of whines and disapproving screams as some of the boys throw no harmful things at Mark.

“Oh Mark, you are a shame! What are we supposed to do with you?” Donghyuck barked as he slapped his hand to his forehead in pure disappointment.

“I can’t even find enough words to scold you right now.” Jaemin complained, looking offended at Mark’s words. Deeply offended. “Who on earth would react like that?”

“I would.” Jisung quietly admitted, looking at the ceiling as he tried to pretend like he hadn't said that.

“You don’t count, you’re still a baby, but Mark?" Renjun quickly reassured his friend with now rose cheeks before pointing back to Mark. 

"Man, you’ve been living with this girl for the past three years! You see her every day, you talk to her about everything, you two share the same bed and...” Renjun stopped his sentence when he heard all the giggling from his friends, burning them his death stare before he could continue. “NOT sexually speaking, you dirty minds, just sleeping together…” He tried to make it better, only to hear the giggling all over again. “Okay, are you guys what? 10 years old?” He rolled his eyes in irritation.

“Anyway, MY POINT IS: How is that any different from marriage?” He continued. You’ve been through so much together here in Neo Culture and you two undoubtedly trust each other with your lives. I don’t see how marriage would be a bad idea.”

“He’s got a good point, dude.” Jeno said, shrugging when Mark cocked an eyebrow at him with wild open eyes.

“Yeah, I’m with him on this too.” Chenle backed his friend up, receiving the same shocked stare from Mark.

“Same.” Hyuck agreed in crossing arms.

“Tell me, you guys were dying to team up against me in something like this, weren’t you?” Mark questioned, trying to speak his way out of how serious he talk had turned to be. 

Unfortunately for him, he had no other choice but to sigh right after when his friends didn't express any reaction, all waiting for his answer. “It wouldn't be a bad idea man, I just feel like I’m too young for it.”

“Do you love her?” Jaemin asked, dead serious. He adored Y/N since forever and if he ever dreamed about Mark not being honest about his feelings towards you, Jaemin would be the first one to give him the biggest lecture of his life.

“I do! I can’t live without her anymore, it’s just…” He took a deep breath, shaking his head at his own puzzled state. 

“I don’t feel like I can be everything she needs her husband to be right now. I have the Junior Forces to take care of and day after day more kids come around looking for help, my help. And there’s this…” he stopped himself, not sure if it was the moment to bring that up. He wasn't even sure if he should bring that up.

“Rumor that Taeyong might pick you up to be his successor if he dies?” Jisung completed the unfinished Mark’s sentence.

Mark wasn't shocked. It actually made a lot of sense that his friends knew about it since no one pushed him to keep talking as it would usually happen whenever he stopped himself from spitting something out.

“You knew this already.” Mark affirmed in realization as all the puzzle pieces came together.

He had no idea his friends knew. This had been silently eating himself alive for the past few weeks, and he thought he couldn’t talk about it with anyone since it was just a rumor.

“We've heard of it, but man you can’t let future maybes command your life.” Chenle addressed in a serious tone that didn’t match his bright personality.

It was unusual to see all of his friends acting so serious about something. Every time the seven of them sat on that specific table next to the window, it meant they were going to spend some quality time chilling together during their rare mission-breaks, but since the matter was serious, Mark appreciated the lecture.

“Taeyong won’t die any soon, not under our watch.” Jaemin pointed at all the men sitting on the table, a few positive nods backing his words up. “So if you don’t think you’re ready to get married, you need to talk to her about it, but don’t use this whole speculation as an excuse not to do so.” Jaemin advised, staring right at Mark’s eyes as he handed his friend one of the random phones lying on the table. “Call her.”

“But...”

“Mark, man up! I’m sure she will understand.” Hyuck stopped his friend to continue. “Besides, if you dare to ruin this relationship, I’ll ruin you for murdering my dreams of being your best man.”

“And who said I trust you enough to make me a decent bachelor party?” Mark snapped at his best friend whose he was sitting next to.

“If by “decent” you mean no Vegas, then I’m really not your guy… yet.” Hyuck teased him with a sly smile on his face. “I’ll have some years to change your mind.”

“Please, don’t ever get married. I can’t even cope with the idea of Hyuck planning your bachelor party without thinking about how he would put us all in jail.” Renjun begged, bringing his hands together as everyone but Hyuck laughed in agreetment.

“Thank God we know how to break out of those, but I might consider leaving Renjun there as your marriage gift.” Donghyuck snapped. Renjun jokingly closed his fist before Mark started to calm things down.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough.” Mark interfered with a smile on his face as his motioned to both of them to just chill. “You guys never fail to make me feel better, thank you.”

“Quit the sentimentalism and just call her! That will be only the start of our payment.” Renjun stared at his friends’ eyes, telling them everything they needed to do.

“Payment?” Mark frowned.

“How do you think us, the mafia psychologists, keep on affording those?” Jeno pointed out to Chenle’s watch. “Oh wait, we don’t, Chenle is the only billionaire present here.”

“Here we go, we’re not having this conversation again.” Chenle rolled his eyes as he comfortably leaned his back to his chair.

                                                            …

“Hey babe.” You automatically smiled when you saw your boyfriend, you ran till him to hug him, only to stop yourself from doing it when you realized Mark’s serious facial expression. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I mean, no, I mean… we need to talk.” Mark stuttered as he pulled the chair for you to sit.

For the first time in years, Mark was nervous around you. When the two of you met he was your superior in Junior Forces, so he didn’t let any nervousness show around you, not even in your first kiss — even if he did admit to you months later that his hands were trembling before he pulled you close that night —.

“Look, I don’t want you to be upset with me, okay? At least hear me out first.” His hands were shaking, making you finally worried.

“Mark, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?” You questioned, gently holding both of his hands, trying to calm him down a bit. “I hardly get upset with you, don’t worry.”

“It’s about something I know you’ve been thinking lately, something I don’t feel ready to do yet.” He started and you nodded for him to keep going. “I know you must think that we are strong enough to go through with it, but I wouldn’t be honest to you if I proposed something this important to you when I don’t feel 100% confident about it. Marrying you is such a big call, one that I don’t want to rush. I don’t want to risk all the good we have accomplished together in a rushed marriage that…” He started, rubbing the back of your hand while he tried to read your face that was holding a blank expression.

“What makes you think I wanna marry you?” You cut him off in a serious voice tone, realizing seconds later that maybe you sounded rude.

“You don’t?” Mark asked with a smile on his face. 

He had never sounded so relieved before, but that only lasted until it dawned on him that you DIDN’T want to marry him, maybe you wanted to break up or stop living together... “Wait… you don’t?!” he almost shouted in wide-open eyes, letting go of your hands.

“No…” You started only to see Mark’s face twist like never before which freaked you out about how your “No” sounded like to him. “I mean, yes! I do want to marry you someday, but why would you think I want to marry you now?” You held his hands again, trying to calm him down all over again.

You and Mark were very alike, so two easily freaked out people in the same conversation wasn't exactly the best idea. Especially when the matter in question was related to something as big as marriage.

“What you said last night kind of tipped me off, I guess.” He shrugged, still scared about what you actually tried to say last night and the suspense wasn’t helping his anxiety to go away.

“That?” You questioned as you remembered the words you’d spoken. “Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that! I meant that we should adopt a dog together.”

Ten seconds. That’s the time it took for both of you to stare at each other’s eyes and burst laughing out loud.

“False alarm, you guys. No marriage at sight.” Mark announced in a louder tone of voice, knowing his friends were hiding somewhere in that room.

“THANK GOD!” Jisung screamed before he felt his arm receiving a flick from Jaemin, not believing the youngest reaction 

“Ouch! What?” he stared at his older friend with a small pouting on his lips. “I’m relieved for him. Don’t get me wrong, Y/N, I do love you, but Mark can’t even be a good father for his plants, now imagine him with a real baby.”

“Please, do not imagine a real baby, you two are still too young for that.” Chenle emphasized the last part with a worried look on his face.

“I’m disappointed; however, I think the world is not ready to see my best man skills yet.” Hyuck boasted himself as he came out to the light, followed by the others.

“I can’t believe you guys are involved in this absurd. How am I supposed to get married when I have 6 other children to take care of? Impossible.” You reasoned in an ironic voice tone.

“He was the one who came to us talking all of this nonsense, we had nothing to do with it.” Renjun answered in a defensive tone.

“You indirectly encouraged him by going along with it, you’re guilty.” You snapped, giggling at your friends' faces automatically going down. “I love Mark, but I know you guys better than this to understand that there’s no way I get to marry Mark before asking for your blessing.”

“Wise woman, that’s why we love you.” Hyuck calmly agreed with a sly smile on his face.

“I wouldn’t mind giving you guys my blessing, but at least give it some good three years ahead of us before it actually happens.” Jaemin hopelessly looked at you with a jokingly pouting on his lips.

“Noted. I promise you that we won't have any marriage in a good time.” You reassured your friend, receiving a nodding and a sighting as a response.

“At least, we won’t have a mini Mark running around any soon, I can drink to that.” Jeno laughed at the smile on your face that literally vanished at the moment Jeno finished his sentence. The idea of having a baby at such a young age haunted you.

“I can freaking party to that! We should celebrate later. It’s been a time since we’ve been all the eight of us together. What do you think, Mark?” Renjun looked at his friends, finally noticing how quiet Mark was... and also how big and sincere was the smile on the oldest face.

Mark went from freaking out and fearing that he would lose the love of his life to smiling and laughing with all of his loved ones around him on the same day. The reason for his smile was reasoning so loud and so clear on his mind that he had no other choice but to voice it out:

“I think I don’t deserve you guys.”

[ozzdog12]

2020 Top 7 (and 1)

2020 am I right? We saw an insane amount of games come out and 2 brand new consoles. What a wild and weird year for gaming, and life in general. In case you are relatively new here, and to be honest that would be completely fair considering I don't post very often on Tumblr anymore, every year going on the last 4 years (on here) I have done a Top 7 (& 1) for my favorite videogames of the year. Check out 2019, 2018, & 2017. What’s wild, as I look back on my list of games that I’ve completed and played, only maybe 10 came out this year. 2020 was a huge backlog year. 

Lets get on with the ‘And 1!”

Favorite Game that Didn’t Come out in 2020: Control (PS4)

Control may very well have been my 2019 Game of the Year, had I played it in 2019. I LOVED Control. I wanted to play it in 2019, but initial reports that it was a little rough on base consoles put me off until it was fixed. And Holy smokes what an insanely fun and trippy game once I finally started it. I knew within the first 20 minutes this was going to be the shit when I went down a hall, walked into a room and talked to the “janitor” left out a door behind him and the entire building had shifted. I’ve always liked Remedy games, but from a distance. Max Payne 1&2 and Alan Wake all oozed with weirdness and intrigue, but never enough for me to finish them. I missed out on Quantum Break. The story is Control is just the right amount of mind f*!$ for me and builds a universe I didn’t know I needed. It take some time to piece everything together, then everything just clicks. The game does have a weird difficulty spike when fighting bosses and the checkpoints were too far apart at times, but those were later patched. I spent an insane amount of time within the Federal Bureau of Control building and even more time after that with the Foundation and AWE DLC and it STILL wasn’t enough. I wanted more. Outside of Prey, I can’t think of another game that stuck in my brain more after I’d finished it. Control is absolutely a MUST PLAY title. In a world where everything sort’ve feels similar, Control stands out of the crowd.

Number 7: Astro’s Playroom (PS5)

I never thought in my wildest dreams that a game I had almost zero interest in playing would end up on my list of favorite games this year. Astro’s Playroom is being labeled as a ‘Tech demo’ but that feels like an insult to what it is. It’s a full fledged game and its free! I’ve paid more for less. A charming little platformer that lives and breathes the history of the Playstation. So many cool Easter eggs and references. It certainly centers its gameplay around the DualSense controller and everything it can do, but at its core, its a completely approachable and forgiving 3D platformer. I played it just to see what it was about, next thing i knew I had completed all the levels and wanted to further explore all the nooks and crannies within the game. I wanted to see everything the game had to offer and I had an absolute blast doing so. Makes me kinda wish I’d played the previous game on PSVR (I’d have to have a PSVR too)

Number 6: Spider-Man: Miles Morales (PS5)

Another quality title, albeit a spin-off, from Insomniac to add to their Spider Man universe. Gameplay felt obviously like Spider-Man, but Miles has unique abilities that made the game feel different enough, especially the cloak and stealth. I enjoyed the fact that it was short and concise. The issue with most ‘open-world’ games is that they are entirely too bloated with unnecessary filler content (I’ll get to that in a later game), something I felt the first game suffered from, but I also understand why they are there. However I could’ve use one or two more story missions to help flesh out some characters, but it wasn’t required and didn’t change my opinion one way or the other. My one BIG gripe was with Miles himself. He is an extremely smart young kid, but so incredibly naïve. Peter Parker tells him the one thing he SHOULD NOT do is tell people he is Spider-Man. I get it, that’s part of his growth, but Miles thinks he can just solve his problems by revealing his identity and it almost certainly never works out. 

Number 5: The Last of Us: Part 2 (PS4)

The Last of Us Part 2 may be the most polarizing game in the history of the medium, but for the absolute wrong reasons. I’m in the minority that I very much enjoyed my experience with TLOU2, quite a bit actually. Its better in every single way over its predecessor, except the overall story. There are plenty of fair criticisms to be had about the story and various things within the game itself, but I thought the gameplay was so tight and crunchy. There were genuine moments of suspense and terror that I felt that no other game has ever given me. The entire hospital section (2nd time) was so susensful, I had to put my controller down to gther myself. Some of my favorite moments in the series I experienced with a character I wasn’t overly fond of. How many games can do that? The Last of Us Part 2 was meant to invoke emotion, not necessarily joy. I think that's what people lost along the way. Say what you will about the direction Naughty Dog has taken over the years, but you would be hard pressed to find a studio that makes games graphically better than they do. Yes, I know about their crunch culture, but this is not a place for that. I will say, the game was a tad bit too long, which is not something it typically say for a single player, narrative driven game. The pacing and the way the story was told wasn’t my favorite, but I respect what it was trying to do, even if it failed in some aspect of that, I finished the game within the week it was released. Something I RARELY ever do. I’m a father and I related with Joel a lot in TLOU, but I also recognized how wrong he was. There is a lesson to be learned. Your actions always have consequences and while he was doing what he thought was the right thing, it wasn’t his choice to make, and in doing so set up a series of events that were entirely avoidable, but again, that’s the point isn’t it?

Number 4: Grindstone (Switch)

I’m counting this as a 2020 game since it just came to the Switch this year ( less than a month ago) but its not the first time I’ve played it. Grindstone was the only reason I kept my Apple Arcade subscription and when I let it lapse, there was a void I just couldn’t fill. I bought Puzzle Quest on Switch but it just wasn't the same. Its THE perfect game for bite sized play, even though in its addictive nature, you’ll clear a few levels and an hour has passed before you know it. It has the perfect amount of depth that most ‘match’ games don't. You have different weapons, items, and outfits w/perks to use and experiment with to keep it fresh. I went months without playing my Switch and when this was announced in August, I couldn’t wait! Sadly, I had to wait 3 months, but since then I have spent so much time on the Switch. It gave me a reason to play it again. The art style and humour is great. The variety of enemies and challenge is just right. I can’t recommend it enough. Seriously, check this game out!

Number 3: Doom Eternal (Xbox One)

I will be the first to tell you, I did not like Doom (2016). I found it extremely boring and trite. I understood what Doom(2016) was doing and it succeeded, maybe too much. Nostalgia is a helluva thing. So in saying that, I was mildly interested in Doom Eternal. Doom Eternal is nothing like 2016 outside of it being a Doom game that connects to the rest of them (& also being a sequel to 2016). The mechanics are drastically different with more platforming (for better or worse). Eternal is challenging, at times very hard, especially early on. Eternal has no respect for its players, in a weirdly good way. It laughs at how you’ve played FPS before this one and WILL MAKE you play it its way, not your way. Yes, you point and shoot, but ammo is scare and you MUST use everything in your arsenal. No more using just 2 guns for the whole game. The enemies are relentless. Sometimes you have to pause and take a breath after a battle because you go a 100 mph for the whole fight. You have to continuously move or you die. There is an enticing rhythm to it. I categorize Eternal as ‘Blood Ballet’. Its a game where when your feeling it, much like a rhythm game, you get in the zone and there is no stopping demons from getting slayed. Surprisingly, unlike most games in the genre, it seemed to get easier (sans one extremely frustrating platforming section late in the game) the longer you played it. Was that a testament that I ‘learned’ the Eternal way or it truly did get easier? I don’t know, but the final Boss(es) were....easy.. I had more problems and deaths within the first 4 hours than I did the final 8-9 hours. The multiplayer was also surprisingly fun. The older I get, the less interested I am in multiplayer, but I found myself coming back for more for a good month or so. 

Number 2: Gears Tactics (Xbox One)

As 2020 comes to a close, I came to a stunning realization. I might be a bigger Gears of War fan than I had previously thought. Don’t get me wrong. I love Gears, but I seem to love Gears more than I thought. I'm way more invested into the lore than I recall. Anyways, Gears Tactics is everything XCOM 2 SHOULD’VE been. Not only does Gears Tactics utilize the Overwatch action, its makes it EXTREMELY important. The story revolves around the father of Kait Diaz, Gabe and a ragtag group of mostly random soldiers to take down Ukkon. Anyone who is remotely interested in the Gears universe will love the story and references. The gameplay is just so damn satisfying. The bosses are very challenging and different. I actually had to change my strategy to finish the final boss. I experimented with a totally different style of class and was rewarded for it. The post game stuff is also aplenty. This game scratched a VERY specific itch for me and I’m itchy to jump back in. I’m glad this came to Xbox One because I’m current computer could not run it.

Number 1: Ghost of Tsushima (PS4)

I have a very odd relationship with massive open world games. I love them, but I get very burnt out on them. They all have a relatively same-y formula and are often populated with bloat. GoT does have some of that but to its advantage, its not very populated, in a good way. One of the things that I really appreciated about GoT and its side quest is most of them felt meaningful. The thing that really stood out to me about GoT is the absolutely satisfying combat. It just feels SO GOOD. It requires timing and patience. There are different fighting styles for different enemies and even the armor you wear is more than just cosmetic. The combat is so fun and satisfying that I was immediately excited when they announced Legends, a multiplayer add on, for free. Its so much fun and is a blast to play with a group of friends. I’m sporadically still playing the Legends mode. I initially wanted to play the game in ‘Kurosawa’ mode but I am glad I didn’t because the game, even on the PS4 is stunning, and on the upgrade on PS5 is jaw-droppingly smooth. I did play the entire game in Japanese with English subtitles. I still don't know what Jin’s English voice sounds like. GoT does a good job a drip feeding you new abilities and things to keep things fresh. I love stealth and once I unlocked it, I spent the majority of every battle taking out as many enemies as I could while in stealth mode. Ghost of Tsushima does a lot of things very well, that the few things it doesn’t can be easily overlooked.

[ridiculousn3sswrites]

Festival - My Princess Pt. 10

*Zendaya x Reader

*Summary: Reader convinces Zendaya to go to a festival with her, Prince Thomas, and Harrison.

*Warnings: Bullying rich kids, Harrison trying to embarrass Thomas at every turn, metaphor of kicking a puppy. Let me know if I missed anything!

*A/N: So I have to start prepping for the LSAT and that gave me a mental breakdown in which I applied for a data science bootcamp that I got accepted to. Life’s wild.

Tip Jar

Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine || Part Ten

**********

As the ball drew nearer, the palace guards were no closer to discovering who the library visitor was. You’d begun to get used to the additional security after a few days, but having to revert to the top-secret relationship you’d had with Zendaya at the beginning instead of the more casual relationship you’d enjoyed recently was difficult. Zendaya would meet with you during the afternoon to begin her shift and stayed with you until the morning, but even the small moments that you’d stolen before were restricted. Laying with your head in Zendaya’s lap in the gardens wasn’t allowed anymore as there was another guard about ten feet away. Stolen kisses lasted mere seconds, made that much riskier by someone else on the other side of the door. You tried not to let it affect you, but you had to admit you were getting a little touch starved here.

It took about a week after your tea for Prince Thomas to formally introduce you to Harrison, giving you time to prepare yourself. You sent a messenger to Rihanna, asking her to ensure that Harrison knew Prince Thomas wasn’t aware the two of you had met just yet. Things needed to appear as naturally occurring as possible if you didn’t want to raise suspicion from the young Prince, and already knowing his best friend wasn’t the way to do that. Harrison, of course, was the perfect actor, bowing deeply and kissing your hand as though he was trying to flatter you. Prince Thomas rolled his eyes, but he smacked Harrison upside the head.

You walked with the two of them to one of the entertaining parlors, planning on taking tea there for the afternoon. Harrison was going on about yet another story from their teenage years, making you laugh at his exaggerated gestures and language. Prince Thomas had a pink tinge burning the tips of his ears, but he smiled as he watched you interacting with his best friend. He’d never seen you so relaxed - outside of when he’d interrupted you and Lady Zendaya - and it was a nice change. You were really so beautiful, even moreso when you weren’t weighed down by the expectations and responsibilities of your title. “Alright, Haz, I think you’ve embarrassed me enough,” he interrupted the story with a laugh.

“Aw, I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet,” Harrison whined. Prince Thomas knew exactly where the story was headed, and it wasn’t exactly the best part for him - it involved a rather unfortunate incident with a pond and an unplanned swim. 

“If that’s without the best part, I can’t imagine what the best part is,” you laughed. Hanging out with Harrison and Prince Thomas - people actually around your age - had been a nice change of pace. Sure, there were the children of nobles, but you never really hung out with any of them. The only person around your age you constantly hung out with was Zendaya, and you’d argue that your relationship was definitely different than just having friends. Even though you were equals when it came to your relationship, she still worked for your family. It was nice to have friends.

“Right, well, I’ll just have to tell you the rest of the story later. So, what were you like growing up? A little troublemaker too?” Harrison asked, pressing to get you to finally talk about yourself. You’d been content listening to Harrison and Prince Thomas’s stories, but you didn’t really think you had any stories like them.

“Oh, uh, well, I didn’t really have the space to be. I was kind of kept in the castle to do my lessons and such,” you explained with a nervous laugh. If Zendaya were here, she’d know how to get you out of the spotlight.

“Wait, you never snuck out or anything?” Prince Thomas asked. “Me and Haz used to sneak into town all the time.”

“I would sneak out every now and then, but I would just visit the High Priestess.” It wasn’t necessarily wrong, you and Zendaya tended to sneak out to hang out with Rihanna. You couldn’t really risk being out and about without getting noticed by someone.

“That’s it, we’re sneaking out,” Harrison said, a bit too loudly. Without thinking, you smacked Harrison’s arm, much to the amusement of Prince Thomas. “Ow, what was that for?!”

“You act like the guard can’t hear you,” you said in a hushed tone. “If he hears, he’s gonna go snitch to the other guards.”

“Ooo, so she’s not against it,” Harrison joked. “Right, so I was out in town the other day and I heard they were setting up a festival. Tonight should be the first night if I remember right.”

“Wait, we have her main guard to worry about,” Prince Thomas said, still talking in hushed tones as you entered the parlor. “She tends to watch you at night, doesn’t she?”

“She does. Don’t worry about Lady Zendaya, I’ll tell her about it,” you brushed him off. Now, you weren’t exactly sure if Zendaya would be completely on board with going out with your fiance and his best friend, but it sounded like fun. Plus, Zendaya would probably appreciate you taking a break from your work. Maybe the two of you could use the opportunity as a date of sorts, even if you couldn’t be too open about your romantic affections.

“Wait, your guard would be okay with you sneaking out?” Prince Thomas asked, tilting his head slightly.

“How do you think I snuck out the first few times?” you asked with a small smile. Harrison laughed, already knowing somewhat about you and Zendaya. “Alright, so, what’s the end of that story? Please tell me Prince Thomas fell in the pond.”

“Not only did he fall in the pond! Tom, pour the tea, would you? I have more important matters at hand,” Harrison laughed as you took your seats around the small table. Prince Thomas just shook his head, smiling as he poured the tea anyways. He could handle the embarrassment if it meant he got to see you smile like that again.

You truly didn’t mind spending time with the Prince and his friend, but there was still work you needed to complete. Rihanna sent the approved guest list to you with a note of which visiting princesses were available for courting, and which ones were off limits. You wanted to narrow down your list to a few people to actively try to steer the Prince towards. Though you knew you couldn’t exactly force him to fall for someone else, you figured you could nudge him in the right direction. You had a good idea of who would be on this list, but you still needed to iron out the last few wrinkles - their courting history, if they’d had any previous engagements fall through for one reason or another, anything similar that could impact their compatibility with the Prince. Even if you didn’t want to be with him, you wanted to find the perfect candidates.

Before you knew it, the sun had set and you were once again working by candlelight. You chatted with the guard assigned to your side, him intrigued by your interest in foreign affairs as he noticed you pulling resources about the other kingdoms. You entertained the conversation as though your interest was anything other than selfish, kind of glad to have someone to talk to rather than just mumbling to yourself as you went about your work. The guard was in the middle of a sentence when the guard in the hallway opened the door. He quickly stopped talking, standing straight as Lady Zendaya walked into the room. “I’m here to relieve you. Thank you for your work.”

“Of course, Lady Zendaya. Take care, Princess, I enjoyed our talk,” he said, turning to you.

“I did as well. I hope you have a pleasant evening.” With a smile, you silently dismissed him. He nodded, leaving the library. As soon as the door was closed behind him, you turned to your beloved with a genuine smile. “So, how would you feel about going into town tonight?”

“Would this be an official visit or unauthorized?” Zendaya asked, sitting on the edge of the desk.

“Well…” you trailed off, hoping she would understand without actually making you say it. She just sat there, looking at you and waiting for you to finish. “Perhaps it would be unauthorized.”

“My Princess, I don’t know if that would be wise,” Zendaya said after a pause. You knew she was trying to avoid disappointing you by carefully choosing her words. “After all, we still haven’t caught our visitor yet and we don’t know if they intended to cause harm to you. I’m not sure if it would be safe.”

“What if there were more people than just the two of us?”

“Well, there is safety in numbers, but who else would be there?” Zendaya asked, considering it.

“Prince Thomas and Harrison.”

“No.”

“What? Why not?”

“There’s more liability there. I would have to watch over you, a visiting Prince, and his friend who just so happens to be an advisor’s son. If something were to happen, then I don’t know,” Zendaya trailed off.

“Darling, I don’t think it’s likely someone would attack Prince Thomas or Harrison in our kingdom. They’ve already been in town a few times and haven’t drawn much attention during the days. I promise not to leave your side,” you tried convincing her. “Please? They were telling me about a festival that starts tonight.”

“Tonight? My Princess, that’s not enough time for me to plan for this,” Zendaya protested. You pouted at her, just enough to border obnoxious. “No, don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I just kicked a puppy in front of you.”

“That would be a look of abject horror, Z,” you said, still pouting. Zendaya sighed loudly, letting you know that you were slowly winning this. If she were to actually put her foot down, you’d understand, but you could tell there was room for convincing still.

“You know what? Fine, I’ll agree to all of us going to the festival tomorrow night.” Before you could celebrate, she put her hand up. “But I’m going to be the one planning everything for getting out of the castle. Lord knows I won’t trust the three royals to do that.”

You put your hand to your chest in mock offense. “I’ll have you know Harrison isn’t a royal.”

“I know. Now, pack up for the night. I had your dinner sent to your room and I don’t want you working too late.”

“I wouldn’t be working late if you snuck out with me and the boys.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“And yet you love me.”

“Unfortunately I do.”

“Wait, what do you mean unfortunately? Zendaya?”

**********

Zendaya took her first shift with you during the afternoon, accompanying you to the gardens as you took one of your many daily walks. Your secondary guard followed at a safe distance behind you as Zendaya walked by your side. As you turned the corner, just out of sight of the other guard, Zendaya dipped her head to talk lowly to you. “I sent word to the Prince and his friend about our plans for the night. I hope you’ll have fun tonight.”

“Zendaya!” You practically squealed, trying not to draw too much attention from the other guard. “If we didn’t have another guard I’d kiss you right now.”

“I see that, you’re like an excited puppy right now,” Zendaya laughed.

“What’s with all the puppy references lately?”

“Don’t make fun of me.”

“I won’t, just please tell me.”

“I had a dream a while ago where we got a puppy together and I have to admit, it was nice to imagine.” You couldn’t help the smile that grew on your face, your mind immediately providing you with the image of you and Zendaya living in a small cottage somewhere on the outskirts of the kingdom, a small dog running around as you both went about tending to your duties. You pictured yourself baking something, even though you’d never baked in your life. “And now you’re being weird about it. Princess?”

You shook your head, banishing the nice little daydream for the moment (storing it to go back to later when you were trying to fall asleep). “Say, do you think the chefs would let me in the kitchen if I say I want to learn how to bake?”

“And where did that come from?”

“It’s just a thought.”

“Oh, Princess, I’m going to be leaving this shift a little early. I need to head into town for some supplies for tonight,” Zendaya said. “And I would suggest sending a messenger to the kitchen lead before you just appear in the kitchens.”

“What do you need to get?”

“You all dress like rich kids. I need to get you all some clothes so we can blend in better tonight. Once they send me their measurements, I’m going to leave. I’ll resume position as soon as I return and deliver the clothes.” You nodded, not that she really needed to ask permission to leave. You did appreciate her letting you know what she was doing, it would help ease your mind wandering to what she was doing, as you often did when she wasn’t with you.

“So you don’t think we’d be able to go undetected?” You joked.

“Not without my help, no,” Zendaya said, looking at her pocketwatch. “You have about ten minutes before you need to meet with your parents to discuss final details about the ball.”

“Ah, right, that’s happening soon. It’s still a wonder the Prince hasn’t gone home yet, it’s been how long?”

“Months. I heard talk he’d be heading home shortly after the ball, apparently his parents have the same mindset as us,” Zendaya told you. You furrowed your brow at the news; while you weren’t opposed to the Prince going home and leaving you alone even for a short time, you wondered why he hadn’t brought it up yet. You’d like to think the two of you were at least that close. 

“Interesting,” you said instead of voicing your thoughts. You’d be able to talk to the Prince about it later - well, more like eventually. “We should start heading back to the palace so I’m not late.”

“Of course, my Princess,” Zendaya said before repeating your statement to the guard tailing you two. As soon as your group was out of the gardens, you could see a messenger waiting anxiously near the entrance. They seemed to brighten at the sight of Zendaya, which didn’t go unnoticed by the woman in question. She looked down at you with a small smile. “It appears I’m going to head into town sooner than expected. I’ll walk with you to your meeting and fetch a replacement to meet you at the door. I’ll see you later.”

-

You didn’t see Zendaya until a few hours later, which was later than you’d expected. Sure, you knew it took a while to actually get to town, but you expected it to be a quick visit. Zendaya slipped into your room as you worked at your desk, holding a bundle of brown paper. “So you’ve finally come back,” you joked, looking back at her. 

“I needed to get things in order. Lady Rihanna agreed to house our horses until we come back to the palace, I spoke with the night stable boy to get horses for Harrison and the Prince, everything is ready for us to go to the festival,” she told you. “And here are your clothes for the night.”

You turned in your chair, watching as she put the package down on the bed. “How are we going to get out of the room, though? I don’t suppose we’d be able to get the other guard in on this.”

“Okay, so technically you aren’t supposed to know about this, so promise you won’t use this without telling me,” Zendaya warned. You nodded, curious as to what she could possibly be talking about. As soon as you nodded, Zendaya moved towards the bookshelf by your bed. With minimal effort, she was able to move the bookshelf, revealing a staircase. She stepped into the stairwell before pulling the bookshelf shut behind her. Zendaya opened the bookshelf again, stepping back into your room. “It’s an emergency exit in case the castle were to come under siege. It leads to the gardens, so we’ll be able to go to the stables quickly from there. I’m afraid the Prince and Harrison will have to find their own ways down, but they aren’t under the security you are.”

“How did I never know that was there?!” You questioned, standing up from your chair and joining her by the bookshelf. “That’s amazing! You know how I love secret corridors, how did you not tell me about this?!”

“Because then it’d be a lot easier for you to sneak out,” Zendaya told you. “I was informed about the passage once I became your official guard, so I don’t know how you managed to go all these years without noticing it. You’ve lived here your entire life.” 

You rolled your eyes at her teasing, opting instead to see what she decided would be appropriate for your outing. There were a few articles of clothing in the package: a simple dark green dress, a black cloak, and some simple underclothes instead of the hoop skirts and such that you were normally expected to wear. “Why the cloak?”

“It’s supposed to be cold tonight and the hood will help conceal your identity should it be needed,” she explained. “We’re going to be leaving in a couple hours, do you have any work you need to do?”

“No, I think I’ve selected a good few candidates for Prince Thomas,” you said, showing her your journal. “Then again, we’ll see how things go at the ball. Speaking of which, my parents informed me that the Prince and I will be announced together.”

“That makes sense. After all, it is the first public event since your engagement,” Zendaya mused. You could tell she was trying her hardest not to be overt about her jealousy, but it was still there. “I’ll have you know I’m still going to ask for a dance anyways. Even if you are officially engaged.”

“And I’ll gladly dance with you,” you said with a smile. You pressed a kiss to her forehead, enjoying the slight height difference that finally allowed for you to do that. “Now, tell me more about this plan?”

Once Zendaya explained the plan and a couple hours had passed, you were ready to head out. Zendaya opened the door, telling the guard that you were turning in for the night to prevent any unnecessary visitors. You changed into the clothes Zendaya had selected for you, while she changed into a dark green tunic, black pants, and her own black cloak. She concealed a dagger under her tunic and another in her cloak lining, not willing to leave the palace without some form of protection for you. You turned out the lights in the room, save for one candle you would use as light down the staircase.

Zendaya went first, holding the candle in one hand and using the other to hold yours and guide you down the stairs. It was honestly a lot of stairs and you kind of dreaded having to go back up them on the way back. However, once you were out by the gardens, it was a quick tread to the stables. You were surprised to find Harrison and Prince Thomas already waiting for you, both of them dressed in white tunics, dark brown pants, and dark brown cloaks. Prince Thomas lit up when he saw the two of you approaching, waving at you. As soon as you were in earshot, Prince Thomas called out to you. “Wow! You look amazing. Are you ready to head into town?”

“Thank you, Thomas-”

“Wait, that’s the first time you haven’t called me by my title,” Prince Thomas interrupted you in excitement. The look Zendaya gave him made him backtrack a bite. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

“No worries, but I figured we should drop titles for the night. It would help us to blend in at the festival,” you explained with a smile. “You both look rather nice. Now, shall we?”

You missed the blush blooming on Prince Thomas’s face as you turned to enter the stables, but Zendaya didn’t. You went to Apollo’s stall, only for Zendaya to guide you away by the elbow. “If Apollo’s missing, they’ll know you snuck out. We’re taking a few messenger horses instead.”

“Sorry, Apollo,” you apologized to the horse over your shoulder. You caught Harrison’s amused smile at the interaction as the three of you followed Zendaya. She got the three horses ready - one for each of the guys and one for the two of you. Prince Thomas offered for you to ride with him, but Zendaya quickly out an end to that idea. Once you all were out of the stables, it was a clear shot to the town.

“I don’t want to hear word about you four getting in trouble when you’re here,” Rihanna said, helping you down from the saddle. “Casual clothes are a good look on you, by the way.”

“You’re not going to the festival?” You asked, smiling at the compliment.

“No, I went yesterday,” Rihanna told you, shaking her head. “I have work I need to get back to anyways. Who do you think pulls together last minute things for the ball?”

“My mother.”

“Well, yes, but I help her. Your mother has other things to do for the kingdom.” Rihanna turned to great the men. “Prince Thomas, Harrison, I hope you both are doing well.”

“We are. Thank you, High Priestess,” Prince Thomas replied, dipping his head in a small bow. Rihanna waved him off.

“It’s no problem. I want you both to listen to Lady Zendaya, I trust her to make sure none of you rich kids end up missing.”

“Now that’s not fair,” you tried arguing.

“It’s literally my job,” Zendaya said, dismounting the horse. “I’ll try to have them back in a few hours, I wouldn’t want to disturb you too late in the night.”

“No worries. Enjoy yourselves, it’s good to have a night off.” With that, Rihanna walked back into her house, leaving you all to your own devices. It didn’t take long for the four of you to reach the festival from Rihanna’s house, but it felt like a completely different world the second you got close. The lanterns strung up around the different booths gave the town’s square an ethereal glow, and you couldn’t help but look around in wonder. Children ran around, chasing after friends and family members with sweets in hand. You couldn’t believe you’d gone this long without visiting a festival so close by.

“So, what do you want to do first?” Prince Thomas asked, watching you with a small smile. Your gaze flitted from stand to stand before landing on one of the games booths with different stuffed animals lined up as prizes. You immediately looked at Zendaya, eyes pleading.

“Could you win me a stuffed animal?” You asked her, ignoring the look Prince Thomas gave you.

“I could do it,” he grumbled as he followed you to the booth.

“Sorry, I trust her aim a lot more than yours,” you teased, sticking your tongue out. Harrison laughed at Prince Thomas’s expression.

“That’s a fair thing, he doesn’t have the best aim. You should’ve seen the target when we practice back home, he aims like the ground is his enemy,” Harrison piled on.

“Haz! Alright, I get it,” Thomas groaned. “Fine, Zendaya can win this one and I’ll win you the next one, (y/n).”

“Oh, is this a competition now?” Zendaya asked, looking over her shoulder at the Prince with a raised brow.

“Well, if you want it to be it can,” Thomas challenged her. You had to hold in a laugh, knowing Zendaya had a competitive streak that the Prince wouldn’t be able to match. But hey, if they were going to give you the prizes, you weren’t complaining. Zendaya handed the booth runner a copper piece before taking the bow and arrow from him. You had always loved watching Zendaya train, and this just held the same excitement. With each of the three arrows Zendaya was given, she hit dead-center on the target - which wasn’t even necessary; all she needed to do was hit the target at all. She didn’t even look at the booth runner who was telling her to choose a few of the prizes, Zendaya was too busy giving a smug little smile to Prince Thomas.

You rolled your eyes at her smugness, but you weren’t going to complain about the three little stuffed bears you got to carry around with you. Once you were done with the archery booth, Zendaya looked over at the Prince again. “Are you sure you still want this competition?”

The Prince laughed, but he nodded his head. “Yeah, I wanna make sure I get my fiancee at least one prize by the end of the night.”

“Mate, you’d probably save more money if you just buy her something from one of the craftsmen,” Harrison said in a stage whisper. “You aren’t gonna win physical stuff.”

“You act like I’ve never done any sports,” Prince Thomas argued, smacking Harrison’s arm before turning to you. “I promise I’ve done stuff other than just sitting in the p-”

“We’re supposed to be normal, remember?” You interrupted him with a hand on his arm. His face immediately flushed at the contact and he looked away, trying to avoid getting flustered even further. “Let’s just have fun tonight, yeah?”

“Y-yeah! Right,” Prince Thomas agreed, watching as you started pulling Zendaya through the crowd.

“Oh, you’re so gone, mate,” Harrison laughed, going to follow the two of you. Prince Thomas shook his head, following his friend. The four of you worked your way through the festival, Zendaya and Thomas competing to see who could win more things for you. You had to admit, you were surprised to see that Thomas didn’t actually get destroyed by Zendaya - he was either close to winning or won at quite a few of the different booths. When you stopped to get treats at one of the food vendors, you couldn’t help but listen in on the conversations of people passing by you. One in particular caught your attention.

“We should probably find a good spot for the fireworks, they’re gonna start soon.” Immediately, you felt like a child again. Well, the entire night made you feel like a child, but that just got you even more excited. You tugged on Zendaya’s sleeve to get her attention.

“Did you hear that, Z? They’re going to have fireworks. Can we go watch them?”

“(Y/n), I’m not sure. We should probably head home soon,” Zendaya shifted, throwing your bag of prizes over her shoulder.

“It shouldn’t be too long. How about ten minutes and then we head back?” Prince Thomas asked. You’d started to get a little pout and - just like Zendaya - it was quick to make him give in to your whims.

“I-”

“I’ll hold ‘em to the ten minutes, cross my heart,” Harrison decided to butt in. “When’s the next chance she’ll get to see fireworks like this?”

“Fine, but if we get in trouble for staying even later-”

“I promise we’ll vouch for you,” you told her, grabbing her hand. Zendaya startled at the sudden contact, looking over at the two men. They didn’t seem to react to it, so she looked back at you.

“Fine, let’s go find somewhere so you can see them properly,” Zendaya huffed. You smiled brightly and cheered, making Zendaya laugh softly. “Like a child, I swear.”

As the four of you made your way to the edge of the festival, wanting to get away from the crowds, Zendaya got distracted by something at one of the vendor’s booths. She paused for a second, getting left behind a few steps before the rest of you noticed. “Z? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Go find a spot, I’ll be with you in just a moment. Try not to get into trouble,” she reminded you all before making her way to the vendor. You looked at Harrison and Thomas, wondering if they saw what made her stop. They just shook their heads, so you followed her instructions, finding a spot somewhat secluded from the rest of the festival.

“So, how was your first night out?” Thomas asked, looking down at you with a soft smile.

“It was amazing! I had so much fun with you guys,” you told him with a bright smile of your own. “I wish I could do this more often, but it’s not really realistic. I just love this town.”

“I’m glad you had fun,” Thomas told you. As he was about to say something else, the sound of the first fireworks shooting into the air cut through the night. You let out a soft gasp, watching as the colors burst across the dark sky. You wondered where Zendaya was, wanting to share this moment with her. As your mind crept back to your love, you felt the brush of fingers against your own. They weren’t the delicate yet calloused fingers you knew, so you pulled your hand up, clasping them in front of your heart, pretending you didn’t notice Thomas’s attempt at holding your hand.

At the next set of fireworks shot up, Zendaya rejoined your small group. She stood close to your side, leaning down to speak in your ear. “I’m sorry I took so long.”

“It’s okay. What did you get?” You asked, looking to see if she was holding something. She shook her head.

“You’ll see soon enough.” You nodded, looking back up at the fireworks. Every so often, when you were up on one of the balconies, you’d see the fireworks in the distance. It was nothing compared to being here with you’re loved one and friends, not to mention all these strangers enjoying the same thing you were. It was something else entirely, seeing it this close, even as the display happened so far up in the sky. You wished you could stay in this moment forever.

But of course, the moment had to end. True to his word, Harrison let your group know when your ten minutes were up. You had to head back to Rihanna’s house to get the horses, hoping that the rest of the castle hadn’t noticed your absence for the past few hours. The four of you chattered about the festival, Zendaya and Thomas trying to tally up who actually succeeded in getting you the most prizes.

Once you were back to the horses, Zendaya worked on settling them for the ride ahead and securing your new belongings in the saddlebags. Thomas and Harrison were already on their horses when she addressed them. “We need to talk to the High Priestess to thank her and let her know we’re leaving. We’ll be back shortly.”

You followed Zendaya into Rihanna’s house, where she was working in her study. It was a quick goodbye, with Rihanna waving off any profuse thank yous you tried giving her. As soon as you were about to exit the house, though, Zendaya pulled you to a stop. “My Princess, you asked what I bought.”

“Yes, but can’t this wait until we’re back in the palace?” Zendaya shook her head.

“I wanted to give it to you while we were watching the fireworks, but I didn’t want the Prince and Harrison to see,” Zendaya explained, pulling a small velvet bag from her cloak. She handed it to you, watching with rapt attention. You opened it, dropping the contents in your other hand. It was a silver bracelet, the focus being on a crescent moon with a star resting on it. “I saw it and knew I had to get it for you. After all, you’re the brightest star in my universe. I love you, my Princess.”

“My love,” you said before pulling her down for a kiss. There were no words for how this woman made you feel, so you only hoped you could pour it all into your actions. As you broke the kiss, you whispered against her lips. “Thank you. I love you.”

**********

Bracelet Inspo

Tag List: @uncookspaget, @ddesert-rosee, @gangganggg

Permanent Tag List: @treatallwithkindness, @laic2299, @delaber

[tanoraqui]

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

[now all on AO3!]

Nie Huaisang wakes up from his overexertion-induced sleep after about 14 hours, and about 24 hours before his brother wakes up. He has this time to think

He doesn’t use it to think, because his brother is still unconscious, comatose from a severe qi deviation. Chief Physician Nie Fengji, Wen Qing, Wen Qing’s Uncle Six, and assorted Nie physicians do obscure medical things to him involving spiritual energy, needles, a dash of surgery, and actually more of the poison that nearly killed him, in what Nie Huaisang can only assume is some sort of physician-approved hair of the dog scheme, and Nie Huaisang participates by sitting quietly in the corner until even that is deemed too in-the-way and he’s banished first to the hallway and then, with physician authority, to his own bed

they do search, and find some of the yin-storing grass hidden in Wen Ning’s pillow. Nie Huaisang doesn’t go to bed; he goes down to the third guest room and takes A-Yuan and Granny out for a walk just long enough for a couple disciples to beat Wen Ning enough to look good later - split lip and bruises, etc. In case anyone comes checking the story he gave Jin Qixian

Wen Ning, he hears, bears it with aplomb. Just in case it’s the Wens who are lying, Nie Huaisang doesn’t really give a shit

But on the third day since he collapsed off Baxia into the main courtyard, Nie Mingjue wakes up. He’s groggy and weak, physically and spiritually, but he shoves himself into a sitting position with a glare, catches and holds Nie Huaisang reflexively when he flings himself at his brother with a relieved laugh. Someone pulls him back - “stop putting weight on him!” - but it’s enough. It’s enough.

Wen Qing has three-day bags under her eyes. She says quietly, “That he’s awake - it shouldn’t leave this room. Not until Nie-zhongzhi is more recovered, and has decided what he wishes to do.” She nods toward Nie Mingjue

“What the fuck happened?” he demands, and it’s the weakest snarl Nie Huaisang has ever heard. His brother is already sagging back against his pillows. “Jin Guangshan was actually polite before I left Lanling, but I don’t remember...”

“He poisoned you,” Nie Huaisang says bluntly, because he’s thinking again and that was the last straw he needed to be convinced of how this happened (he never really stopped thinking, deep beneath the anxious terror and anticipation.) “No, this stays here...or can he be moved to his own bedroom?” he asks the Chief Physician. “It’d be more comfortable, and easier to hide his state from any spies Jin Guangyao might have - I mean, I assume he has spies. I’d want to...”

[the mastermind]

A few days later, Nie Huaisang arrives at Lotus Pier and begs his friends to take him out on the town. Distract him with food and wine and cheer from the stresses of home, where his brother is still comatose and everyone is starting to expect him to be responsible instead

Jiang Cheng is busy with Sect Leader duties but Wei Wuxian takes him up on it immediately. There’s nowhere quite like Yunmeng’s piers for goofing around - somewhere around the fourth street theater show and second jug of wine between them, Nie Huaisang leans over and asks, “The next time there’s a cultivational conference at Carp Tower - would you be interested in making a ruckus?”

they’re walking down the street in a crowd. It’s very hard to be overheard on the street in a crowd

“Like tonight?” Wei Wuxian grins and he, too, looks like this night has been a welcome break

“Without me,” Nie Huaisang admits. “Just to have some fun - make a scene! Cause a fun distraction!”

A single jar of wine in Wei Wuxian means he’s still mostly sharp. “A distraction for what?”

“Oh, you know,” Nie Huaisang says airily, hides half his face behind a coy fan and says more quietly. “Helping some of those Wens dying in Jin Guangshan’s work camps.”

Wei Wuxian has never had much head for intrigue, but at least he whispers. “The same Wens who assa- who tried to assassinate your brother?”

“No, silly!” Nie Huaisang baps him with the fan, laughing, and hopes WWX sees in his eyes that he’s serious. “That’s a different thing. This is just to have some fun!”

Wei Wuxian meets his eyes, and his face splits back into a grin. It’s regained the sharp-toothed edge its been carrying since the end of the Sunshot Campaign. “Why not? I could use a little fun myself!”

The next cultivation conference at Carp Tower is in just three weeks, and Nie Huaisang spends them frantic. There’s so much to do, and he can’t let anyone know about any of it. There are plenty of empty houses, empty entire villages - the war was fought in Qinghe only second to Qishan, for Wen Ruohan’s determination to capture the impenetrable fortress clan 

he wants to err on the side of making sure people will have shelter, especially with winter coming on, but he needs to err on the side of stealth or they’ll never pull this off - 

but how are they (how is he) going to pull it off anyway, honestly; there’s only so many times he can storm in and demand things with a wild combination of pitiful tears and borrowed authority...he can’t exactly get another note for the actual Jin clan - 

...though...

they don’t need that many extra roofs, at least, if there won’t be that many people (priority of the Dafan Wens, of course, to repay Wen Qing and because, honestly, they’re the largest group that survived the initial purges, being mostly non-combatants)

he tried and failed to put the distraction out of mind, because there’s really no way to know in advance what Wei Wuxian would do, much less how to handle it. whether it would create a day or a week or several more years of chaos...

and then there was the really difficult part: getting Nie Mingjue to stay the fuck in bed, or at least in his own suite of rooms. Nie Huaisang’s brother was the worst patient possible, which was unfair, because Nie Huaisang himself would’ve loved to have an excuse to lounge in his bedroom doing leisurely, sedentary activities for few weeks. Instead he was out running around organizing things - while letting as few people as possible know what he was organizing or even that he was doing it - and Nie Mingjue was being threatened every other day by Wen Qing and her needles

To make matters more exciting, 10 days out from the cultivation conference, a delegation arrived without from YunmengJiang - Jiang Wanyin himself, and riding with him, Jiang Yanli. Nie Huaisang met them in the courtyard; she stepped gracefully off her brother’s sword and gave him a hug that was, honestly, meltingly comforting and kind

“Nie Huaisang! I’ve been so sorry to hear about Mingjue-gongzi. I would have come sooner, but, you know, we’re only stealing this time from a trip to Lanling for more wedding planning.” She gestured to a pair of disciples who between them hauled a tureen the size of a small child. “I brought some of my best medicinal soup - I don’t know if it will possibly be right, but A-Xian told me how hard it’s been for you, and I just had to try to help.”

offer

“You’re too kind, Jiang-guniang.” He fluttered his fan anxiously. “I’m sure Da-ge would thank you if he could, but...” he blinked away tears. “I can’t even let you in to see him; the physicians even turned away his sworn brothers.”

skeptical outlining of situation

(Jin Guangyao was obviously right out, and the idea of involving earnest, idealistic Zewu-jun in any sort of conspiracy made Nie Huaisang think fondly of breaking out in hives)

“Of course,” Jiang Yanli said sympathetically. She took her brother’s arm back to lean on, and Nie Huaisang took his cue to bow and offer her refreshments and a set - maybe with a view? He knew all the best places. Jiang Yanli, genuinely frail enough to not be expected to do much more than look lovely, accepted

they had a very pleasant conversation about other things - poetry, who was and wasn’t being invited to the wedding, the latest fashions in Lanling (Nie Huaisang sighed wistfully) 

eventually Jiang Yanli asked, between one sip of tea and the next, “This event you’re planning with A-Xian - could it be postponed? Say, six months?”

the wedding. Nie Huaisang’s breath caught briefly - now that would be a distraction in its own right, even without anything Wei Wuxian could pull

but he thought about the emaciated, flinching Wens in the Qiongqi Pass camp, and those back in Qishan who weren’t much better off, and shook his head. “Not for those to whom it would matter most.” 

and, frankly, he couldn’t ask his brother to stay quiet so long, and he really would prefer than Lanling not know Nie Mingjue had truly survived until they were ready to strike back

Jiang Yanli hummed thoughtfully. “What about...two, two-and-a-half months?”

...there was nothing happening in two months, except the middle of winter. which would make roads more impassible, maybe to their advantage, but only if a couple different things went wrong...

but Jiang Yanli was smiling sweetly, like someone with a plan

“I think that would be wonderful,” he said, and sipped his tea back at her

Jiang Cheng punches him on the shoulder before they go and says he doesn’t seem like he’s doing completely terribly at everything, which is the Jiang Cheng equivalent of a supportive hug and 10-minute earnest pep talk. Nie Huaisang is genuinely warmed

Jiang Yanli, mentally cracking her knuckles as her brother flies her to Carp Tower: time to seduce my fiancee, the third hottest man in the kingdom, into putting a baby in me so we can speedrun our wedding prep - for a good cause! god I love my life

[the grifter]

unfortunately, two-and-a-half months is too long a delay to use the usual “ask for forgiveness, not permission” method, not least because Nie Huaisang has to explain to his brother why he wants him to keep pretending to be comatose, when even his physicians are starting to agree that he needs exercise more than rest

“No,” Nie Mingjue says flatly

“Da-ge,” Nie Huaisang pleads. “It’ll just be so much easier if everyone thinks I’m running around like a terrified rabbit!”

“Why do you insist on being useless at all times?” Nie Mingjue growled, a familiar old song. “If you just applied yourself - ”

“Because it’s easier!” Nie Huaisang cried (a newer tune). “Because I don’t want to be a great warrior, I just want to make pretty things and have friends and have fun - and when I do want something, it’s much easier to get it if no one thinks I’m worth anything - ”

“Of course you’re worth something,” Nie Mingjue snapped. “You’re the heir to QingheNie and you’re my brother!”

Nie Huaisang really did cry easily. He blinked away the tears.

“The Jins tried to kill you, da-ge,” he said quietly. “And they tried to make it look like a qi deviation.” (Like Father, went unsaid. Like my mother and your uncle and three of our cousins, one of whom was only thirteen.) “I want to make clear to them what we think of that.”

Nie Mingjue unclenched his hand from Baxia’s hilt, with whom Nie Fengji and Sixth Uncle had finally agreed to let him reunite. “Then we kill one of them back,” he said. “Not this underhanded, indirect...and with Wen-dogs...”

“If I could kill Jin Guangshan and Jin Guangyao in one stroke, right now, I’d do it. But that would start another war, and we could survive another war, but a lot of our people wouldn’t. Only about seven out of ten survived the last one.” He bit his lip. “And the Wens...not all of them were monsters, we’ve seen that, and the Jins tried to blame the ones we know are alright. This will show them that we can make up our own minds.”

Nie Mingjue was silent for a long moment, and Nie Huaisong resisted the urge to shift from foot to foot. His brother was never impressed with fidgeting.

“Fine,” Nie Mingjue said at last. “Do your scheme. But you’d better prove that you’re right, Huaisang.”

“I will, Nie-zhongzhi.” He stood at parade attention.

“And you won’t use it as excuse that you’re too busy to practice your saber.”

“Da-ge!” he whined instantly. “But I will be busy! We need to tar all the house roofs in Ning Village, and find about fifty spare horses, and weed out any spies in our household - oh, and do you have any letters from Jin Guangyao I can look at? And...”

News came that the wedding of Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan had been moved up to two months rom now and Nie Huaisang whistles under his breath then flinches reflexively, before he realizes there’s no "Twin Prides” around to smack him for disrespecting their sister

But two months somehow passed even faster than that first week had. Homes to quietly repair and no few medical supplies to stock up on, winter snow-ready horses to find and discard with another trip to Yunmeng, social visits to carefully negotiate...

Gossip flowed, as always. Gossip said: Nie Mingjue has survived the dastardly attack on his life; he’s still half-dead or he’s twice the warrior he ever was or he personally executed every Wen in his dungeons. Gossip said: the witch Wen Qing had seduced him and stabbed him with a poisoned blade; the witch Wen Qing had fallen in love with him and saved him from a random qi deviation; the witch Wen Qing was actually the Yiling Patriarch in disguise and both of the above were true. Gossip generally agreed that Nie Huaisang was still wavering between disconsolate over his brother’s brush his death (and his own brush with Sect Leadership) and dragging anyone who would heed him out for drinks and entertainment 

Jin Guangyao did have spies in the Unclean Realm, of course; he knew their value. His girl in the kitchen got fired over some mistake with a roast, but the guest cultivator and the chambermaid and assorted people in the nearest towns generally agreed: Nie Mingjue was back on his feet but still rebuilding his strength under the careful eye of his Chief Physician, and didn’t remember anything from the day of his qi deviation. Wen Qing was dead, as were all the other Wens - she and Wen Zhichen had preformed well in healing the damage she’d done in her attempt to poison the sect leader, under threat of their own deaths, but when Nie Mingjue woke up he'd ordered their deaths without even the dignity of public execution. Nie Huaisang was so wracked with guilt over bringing them into the house that he’d actually started practicing saber sometimes, and just a little heartbroken over the death of the child in particular

this last, Jin Guangyao found out himself, as well as confirmed most of the rest when he was allowed to visit his sworn brother and ended up letting Nie Huaisang sob on his shoulder for two straight hours. He had to have the robe steam-cleaned, but it was very informative

“Would you like us to kill the rest of the Wen-dogs?” he asked his sworn brother. “Or you can do it yourself, of course.”

Nie Mingjue snorted dismissively. “I killed the ones who were the biggest problem. Keep working your dogs to death as you like.”

The night before they were supposed to leave for the Jiang-Jin wedding, Nie Huaisang sat in his brother’s chambers (as he had taken to doing many evenings) and absolutely failed to focus on his paints.

“ - I’m sure I can handle the lieutenants left in charge, though really I haven’t talked to them as much so they’re more likely to be suspicious, especially if I didn’t get the calligraphy right - ”

“Huaisang - ”

“ - and the Wens themselves, I mean, this has to go quickly if it’s going to work at all - what if Wen Ning hasn’t gotten word around - we haven’t heard from him since yesterday, what if they found him, he could be- Wen Qing is going to kill me - ”

(the Nie sect wasn’t given to duplicity, but that didn’t mean their fortress of a sect building didn’t have a few spare secret rooms and passageways, in which to hide a handful of Wens for a couple months)

“A-sang - ”

“ - hell, what if the arrays don’t work and we all just die - but it’s the only way; horses wouldn’t be fast enough, especially with the heavy snows this year - ”

“Nie Huaisang!” Nie Mingjue barks in a parade-ground voice.

Nie Huaisang spins around mid-pace to stand at attention, one hand behind his back and the other on his saber hilt. A very few reflexes have been successfully trained into him

His brother scowls at him from the bed, where he sits in lotus position as the world’s grumpiest, most broad-shouldered guru. Nie Huaisang braces himself

“I’m proud of you,” says Nie Mingjue

“I- what?” 

Nie Huaisang has spent the last two and a half months careful of every expression he made, but now he isn’t sure what to do at all.

“You’ve actually put effort into this. It’s needlessly elaborate and only just barely honorable, and it’s certainly not saberwork. But it’s...something.” He nods.

“...oh.” 

his posture does relax in surprise. but then, the parade-attention was never going to last

“You will pull off this absurd scheme, and you will not be in any way injured in the process, because if you are, we will go to war with LanlingJin.”

“Yes, da-ge”

“Now shut the fuck up, or I’ll call Wen Qing in to put you to sleep, while I do this bullshit boring nightly meditation.”

Nie Huaisang ducks his head. “Yes, da-ge.”

oh, a smile. a smile is the expression he wants to make

The day of the wedding of Jin Zixuan of Langling and Jiang Yanli of Yunmeng dawns auspiciously bright and the ceremony lives up to every portent. Carp Tower is decorated with even more red than gold. The bride is radiant enough to make the sun weep for jealousy; the groom looks pretty good, too; and they only have eyes for one another. Both her brothers cry, Jiang Cheng stoically and Wei Wuxian loudly; Madame Jin looks even happier than the newlyweds; and Nie Huaisang makes sure he’s among the first to offer the happy couple congratulations, so he can equally quickly slip out and set off a teleportation talisman

He appears in the woods near the first town in the Qishan that the spare Wen cultivators and other prisoners of war are being stored in. A dozen Nie cultivators are waiting expectantly, led by Zhao Huandi

Nie Huaisang quickly strips himself of the outer layer of wedding-appropriate finery, leaving his ordinary day’s slightly-nicer-than-most-would-bother-with finery. He tucks the extra beautiful stuff carefully in a qiankun pouch and asks, “Everyone ready?”

nods and salutes and murmurs of agreement

He briefly channels a completely different work of fiction: “Let’s go steal a small populace.” 

It’s actually...very easy. “Isn’t the young lord’s wedding today?” asks the man left in charge while Jin Qixian, being a cousin of the family, is at that wedding. “Why aren’t you at that?”

“I didn’t practice my saber for a week and my brother got sooo angry.” Nie Huaisang pouts. “He forbade me from the party of the year, and gave me a job to do instead! It’s not fair - I’d be happy to do a favor for san-ge any other day!”

The lieutenant eyes the orders he’s been handed, in Jin Guangyao’s handwriting with Jin Guangyao’s signature. “Well, it does all seem to be in order.” He waves to the nearest guard. “Hey, start rounding up the prisoners - all of them!”

Nie Huaisang had two months, a lot of correspondence, and a great deal of practice imitating art styles. He’d been able to forge his own brother’s handwriting since was twelve - Jin Guangyao’s was much easier. Much neater

Nie Huaisang spotted the guard who’d been kind enough to let Granny come with A-Yuan, that first time, and pointed at him. “Make sure you get all the old people and babies and stuff, too! Anyone who can’t come on their own!

As Wens start to gather (be gathered) in the main square, most of the Nie cultivators clear a space and sketch out a large array in blood, a little from each cultivator’s hand. It’s wide enough for about forty people to stand in. When it’s done, Nie Huaisang nods to a disciple standing to the side with a bow. She leans back and shoots an arrow with a red ribbon into the sky. It vanishes in a spark of golden light

one of Nie Sect’s messenger arrows. It will land at Wen Qing’s feet in Qinghe to let her know that they’re on their way, and she can be ready with whatever medical care and reassurances she wants

He claps to get the muttering, anxious crowd’s attention, and can’t quite help but grin as he gets it. He gestures to the bloody array, reminiscent of a teleportation talisman on a grand scale. “All right, who wants to leave this terrible place where everyone hates you in exchange for a new terrible place where everyone hates you, travel by serving as the first test subjects of the Yiling Patriarch’s new mass-teleportation array?!”

[the hacker]

(a jest. Wei Wuxian definitely tested it first, on himself and a bunch of rabbits and himself+Jiang Cheng (in that order.) He promised.)

it’s a little out-of-character, but most of the guards who react just laugh meanly. And the Wens, hell yes, have been prepped. A handful protest, beg mercy or insist that this is their home, but for the most part, Nie Huaisang can recognize amateur acting when he sees it

thank goodness - they need a ratio of at least 1 participating cultivator to every 6 civilians to power the array, or the Nie cultivators supporting it from outside will exhaust themselves immediately

as the first group is going, a burst of light bright enough to blind, an arrow falls from the sky to Nie Huaisang’s feet. The note attached is from Liu Lifang: won’t take Lianfang-zun’s orders

aw, hell. He hesitates - another arrow lands, a green ribbon on the end. The first batch of Wens arrived safely in Qinghe

he passes both arrows to Zhao Huandi and murmurs, “I’m going to go sort this out. Make sure everyone gets through, stop it if something goes wrong with the teleportation. If something goes wrong with the Wens or the Jins...try not to kill anyone”

Zhao Huandi bows, turns and immediately starts shouting for the array to be checked for the next batch. Nie Huaisang makes some hasty, whining excuses to the Jin lieutenant, pulls out another teleportation, and-

arrives in the filthy refugee/prisoner city with a bit of the ache of an over-taxed golden core. He rests his hands on his knees for a moment, catching his breath

Still better than sword travel. He’s going to bother Wei Wuxian for these all the time, now

the woman left in charge in Jin Guangchao’s place is engaged in a staring glaring contest with Liu Lifang at their supervisory office. But have their arms crossed and the tension is so thick they’re both clearly itching to slice it with a sword

Nie Huaisang tumbles through the door with a whining, “What? Why did you call me?”

“I actually sent my message to Sect Leader Nie...” says Liu Lifang, with masterful confusion

“Well, he sent me,” Nie Huaisang complains. He turns to the other woman. “What’s the big deal? Da-ge said we should have a note for san-ge - that is, Jin Guangyao, Lianfang-zun - ”

She scowled even more darkly. “My orders come from Jin Guangchao and his from Sect Leader Jin Guangshan, not from Jin-zhongzhi’s bastard son”

[split-second thinking]

“Oh, but Guangyao-ge really knows what he’s doing,” said Nie Huaisang, wide-eyed. “He was so good at organizing everything, before da-ge had to banish him that one time” Bait...

“’So good’?” she challenges. “Then why’d he get banished at all?”

“Oh, you must have heard of my brother’s temper,” Nie Huaisang whines. “He gets so angry when one little thing goes wrong, and then Meng Yao - back then - did a pretty big thing...you’re so lucky Sect Leader Jin is more forgiving.” Hook...

“It would be terrible if Jin Guangyao did something to so anger Sect Leader Jin,” she said thoughtfully.

“I’m glad I doubt he ever would!” He gestured to the forged papers in Liu Lifang’s hand. “And as you can see, we have direct orders from him for you to release these prisoners into Nie Sect’s care - so won’t you do your duty and obey, so I can get back to my party?”

Do your duty, the orders themselves aren’t your responsibility, they’re his. The Jin cultivator nods slowly, then bows sharply, formal and faux-friendly. “Of course, Young Master Nie. How good of you to help your brother like this.”

Sinker.

(also not the worst idea, actually. a little dissension thrown into the Jin clan would be great)

Once again, most of the Wens are almost more willing the queue up than the guards are to make them, though many do blanch at the twenty-foot teleportation array drawn in blood (maximum power for minimal cost, Wei Wuxian had explained). A few are genuinely terrified of leaving; a few are almost certainly just enjoying the drama

a young man, as grubby as the rest and face hidden behind a shy curtain of hair, steps into the array without a flinch, and gives Nie Huaisang a subtle thumbs up. He waves back, just as underhanded, and lets slip a relieved sigh as he mentally crosses out “accidentally got her brother killed and/or captured/tortured/etc” on the list of reasons Wen Qing might kill him one day

[the thief spy]

(it hadn’t been easy to convince her to let him go in the first place. but really, Wen Ning was quick-thinking, trustworthy to all who met him, and good at staying hidden when he needed to. and they needed the Wens helping power the arrays, not to mention just not putting up a fight - everything going much quicker with word spread as to what was really happening. And, Nie Huaisang prided himself, it was just a little bit kinder)

this city’s worth were half gone to Qinghe when another messenger arrow landed at his feet in a burst of golden light. A purple ribbon - First Disciple Han Xiaoshi was done at Qiongqi Pass

she’d taken a much higher percentage of skilled warriors (not that all Nie Sect cultivators weren’t skilled warriors) than the other groups, as well as a “signed” note from Jin Guangyao. The work camp at Qiongqi Pass was the place Nie Huaisang least minded if the rescue of the Wens turned into a fight with the Jins. Sixth Uncle had taken nearly as long to get back into good health as Nie Mingjue, and he hadn’t liked hte way the inspectors smiled

[the hitter]

a few minutes later, a blue-ribboned arrow meant the first Qishan group was all through, too. Nie Huaisang and Liu Lifang’s group was the last to finish

they went with the last batch. One disciple stayed behind to clean it up and fly home - no point in sharing the Yiling Patriarch’s proprietary inventions with Jin Sect if they didn’t have to

the mass teleportation array is much worst than the single-use talisman. Nie Huaisang feels like he’s been turned upside-down and inside-out, and wrung out like a wet cloth besides. Golden core, more like yellowish pith. He does his best to stay standing

he’s knocked flat by the impact of a small mass slamming into his shins at high speed. “Sang-ge! Sang-ge! You didn’t say everyone was going to be at the wedding! Was it fun? Where are your pretty clothes?”

“My extra pretty clothes are in my qiankun bag, A-Yuan.” He pushed himself to sit up, and attempts to distangle the toddler from his legs. “Which is good, because you’re getting my normal pretty clothes all dirty on the ground!”

A-Yuan squeezed him even tighter, to show that nobody was the boss of him, then sprang away with his hands behind his back, looking like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. That, too, lasted for about half a second before the boy was bouncing in place again. “Did you know that Uncle Four is here now, and Auntie Three, and Zhui Li and Mengmeng and Han Yao got a puppy - ”

“A-Yuan, stop harassing the poor man!” Granny hurried up behind him at a much slower pace than a toddler could manage. She bows, over A-Yuan-head, eyes shining. “Young Master Nie has done a great service for us this day. You should be saying thank you.”

“It’s the least I can do,” he says, dreaming briefly of sliding a sword through Jin Guangshan’s throat. He forces himself to stand - the world has mostly stopped swimming - and pulls her upright, and pokes A-Yuan with his foot so he follows suit. “A-Yuan was just giving me a report - yes, we’re the last batch!” he calls to a cultivator approaching with a querulous expression. “You’d better send an arrow to da-ge to tell him that it’s all okay!”

Second Disciple Ling Jiaoshi nods and scribbles out a note, and hands it to a junior trailing behind him with a bow and arrow

behind them, around them, about five hundred Wens and Wen-associated people are milling around a deep valley tucked into Qinghe’s mountains. Most are avoiding the three great arrays painted in blood in the center of a some fields, mirrors to the ones in Qishan and Qiongqi Pass, though the landing sites will be inactive with their pairs destroyed. Many are exclaiming to see family and friends again, or looking around in wary uncertainty, or both. The main source of order is being imposed by the multiple triage tents, sorting out who needs medical attention and who just needs a blanket and hearty meal. Nie Huaisang can hear the Chief Physician yelling at someone in the distance

A-Yuan tugs on his hand and repeats accusatorially, “You didn’t say everyone was going to be at the wedding! That must have been so big! Are we all staying with Sang-ge and Miss Yi now? And Aunt Qing and Uncle Ning and Uncle Nie-Who-Needs-Quiet?” His eyes widen and he tugs even harder. “Did you bring new candy?!”

Nie Huaisang laughs and pulls from one pocket a silk flag in brilliant red, filched from the wedding decorations. “No, but I did get material for a new fan. Do you want to help me paint it?”

To be concluded with a brief epilogue!

[dillydedalus]

march reading

kinda forgot about this i guess. anyway feat. uh, magical ships, dubious mental health institutions (plural) & a parisian building with 99 rooms. 

the forever sea, joshua phillip johnson (forever sea #1) i firmly believe that more fantasy lit should be set on ships bc ships are inherently a sexy setting & you could have pirates which are extremely sexy. this has ships (and pirates) and also a sea made of grass? a magical plant sea on which ships sail via magical fires, so conceptually i’m very into it all. the plot is fine, but the protagonist kindred has a very bad case of Main Character Syndrome so prepare for mild annoyance throughout. also while i generally enjoy book magic vs wild magic i wish more works would treat them as two ends of a spectrum rather than ~book magic bad and boring, wild magic cool and *~natural*~. but overall i think this series has potential. 3/5

jagannath: stories, karin tidbeck ([partially?] translated from swedish by the author) really cool collection of sff stories by tidbeck, many of which veer into mild horror and some of which are influenced by swedish folklore and especially swedish fey stories. i enjoyed most of these a lot, especially the existential call centre horror story, the ‘god won’t let me die’ one, and a taxonomy of a cryptid that goes a little off the rails. 4/5

annette, ein heldinnenepos, anne weber a novel in verse about anne beaumanoir, a real person who was a résistance member during world war 2 and later supported the algerian national liberation front, for which she was sentenced to 10 years in prison (she escaped to tunisia and later algeria). she’s clearly a very impressive and interesting person & i conceptually enjoyed the idea of writing a modern hero(ine)’s epic, but i feel like the language could have been a bit more stylized to match the form. 3/5

salvage the bones, jesmyn ward (audio) bleak but ultimately hopeful novel about a black family in the days before and during hurricane katrina, although the focus is on the family dynamics, the 14-year-old narrator discovering that she is pregnant, and the kids trying to keep the puppies their dog china just had alive and well. enjoyed this, altho i did it a bit of a disservice but listening to it a lot of short chunks. 3.5/5

regeneration, pat barker (regeneration trilogy #1) set mostly at a military hospital for soldiers with shell shock during world war 1, this novel explores the existential horror of war, psychological treatment (& the horrible absurdity of treating traumatised men just enough so that you can send them straight back to Trauma Town), and the meeting between siegfried sassoon & wilfred owen. i find i don’t really have much to say about it, but it is very, very good. 4/5

how to pronounce knife, souvankham thammavongsa a short story collection mainly about refugees and migrants from laos to canada, many focusing on parent-child relationships and being forced to work in low-paid jobs, often ones that are damaging to their health. the stories are very well-observed and emotionally nuanced and detailed, but with 14 mostly very short stories, the collection as a whole felt a bit samey, which i guess is something i often experience with short story collections. 3/5

faces in the water, janet frame horrifying semi-autobiographical novel about a young woman stuck in new zealand’s mental health system, moving to different hospitals but mostly from ward to (more depressing) ward in the 40s/50s. while there is a shift in attitudes during her stay that sometimes makes the wards more tolerable, mostly the patients are neglected, abused, and the threat of electric shock therapy and lobotomy always hangs over them. 3/5

the upstairs house, julia fine fuck why did i read so many books about mental health conditions this month??? this is another entry in my casual ‘motherhood as horror’ reading project, in which a new mother develops post-partum psychosis & imagines the modernist children’s book writer she’s writing her dissertation on and her poet sometimes-lover haunting her and her child (margaret wise brown & michael strange, who are real people i was utterly unaware of). this does pretty good on the maternal horror front, but i wasn’t entirely sold on the literary haunting. 2/5

1000 serpentinen angst, olivia wenzel a very interesting novel about a woman struggling with grief over her brother’s suicide, an anxiety disorder, the (non)state of a (non)relationship and discrimination/marginalisation based on her identity as a black, east-german, bi woman (while also being, as she notes, financially privileged). much of the novel is written in a dialogue between the narrator and an unnamed (& probably internal) interlocutor, which was p effective for a novel more focused on introspection than much of a plot. 3/5

atlas: the archaeology of an imaginary city, dung kai-cheung (tr. from chinese by the author, anders hansson, bonnie mcdougall) fictitious theory about a slightly-left-of-reality version of hong kong and how maps (re)construct the city, very heavy on the postmodern poststructuralist postcolonial (and some other posts, i’m sure). in many ways my jam. unfortunately my favourite parts of this were the author’s preface and the first part (fictitious theory of mapping alternate hong kong); the rest felt very repetitive and not particularly interesting, altho i’m sure i was also just missing a lot of cultural context. 2.5/5

under the net, iris murdoch .........i liked the other two murdochs i’ve read (the sea, the sea & a severed head) quite a lot so either i was not in the mood for her very peculiar style of constructing novels and characters or, this being her first novel, she just wasn’t in full command of that peculiar style yet but man this was a slooooooooog. don’t stretch out your modern picaresque with an incredibly annoying narrator over more than 300 pages iris!!!! 2/5 bc this probably has some merit & i just wasn’t into it

the impossible revolution: making sense of the syrian tragedy, yassin al-haj saleh (tr. from arabic by i. rida mahmoud) collection of articles and essays saleh (a syrian intellectual & activist who spent 16 years in a syrian prison) wrote from 2011 to 2015, analysing the reasons for, potential and development of the revolution, as well as some background sociological discussion on the assads’ regime. very interesting, very dense, very depressing. wouldn’t necessarily recommend it as a first read on the topic tho. 3/5

angels in america: millenium approaches & perestroika, tony kushner the page to tumblr darling quote ratio in this is insane (”just mangled guts pretending” and so on) and also it just really slaps on every level. also managed to get me from 0 to crying several times. brilliant work of theatre, would love to see it staged (or filmed). 4/5

life: a user’s manual, georges perec (german tr. by eugen helmlé) 99 chapters, each corresponding with a single room in a parisian apartment block; some chapters are basically ‘here’s the room, here’s a long list of objects in the room, that’s it bye :)’, some are short insights into the lives of the people living there, some (the best, mostly) are long, absolutely wild tales that are sometimes only tangentially connected to the room in question. why are the french like this. 61/99 rooms 

sisters in hate: american women on the front lines of white nationalism, seyward darby (audio) nonfiction about women’s role in white nationalist hate movements, mainly based on the stories of three women who are or have been involved with various contemporary american alt-right/racist/neonazi hate groups, while also looking at general social trends and the history of white women’s role in white supremacy. interesting and engaging if you’re interested in this kind of thing. if you’re both politically aware and internet poisoned, it’s probably not much that is completely new to you but still worth reading. 3/5

starting in april i will be Gainfully Employed (ugh) & thus probably not read as much or read even more bc i have no energy for anything else 

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

Month of New Operatic Works, Round 2, #19: Hérodiade (1995 Plasson recording)

Owing to a headache arising from my sleep schedule going completely bonkers last night (passed out sometime around 9 PM, woke up about 2 hours later, and have not been able to fall asleep since), I opted to listen to this recording instead of watching the 1984 Liceu production of this, the most famous Massenet opera with which I was by and large unfamiliar (I’d only heard two of the opera’s big arias, “Il est doux, il est bon” and “Adieu donc, vains objets”). 

Update: uhhhhhhhh so this is how my initial experience went

me: *curls up on the sofa in the living room with a blanket and Hérodiade*

me: ah yes this is the perfect arrangement *types out the first paragraph of this post and saves it during the first few minutes of the opera*

me, 10 minutes later at like 7:30 PM: *passes out from sheer exhaustion*

me, 2 hours later: *wakes up with the music STILL PLAYING and listens to Cheryl Studer and Ben Heppner sing the hell out of an awesome duet and then immediately proceeds to pass out again*

me, waking up again 4 hours later: ...oh COME ON

so that was how my first attempt went and I say that not as a dig on Hérodiade, which it is not, but as an explanation as to why this took so long. anyway, on to the review!

This is definitely now Up There on my list of favorite Massenet operas.

So I listened to this recording from 1995 conducted by Michel Plasson with Cheryl Studer as Salomé, Nadine Denize as Hérodiade, Thomas Hampson as Hérode, Ben Heppner as Jean le Baptiste, and José van Dam as Phanuel. Unfortunately, it is not available on Spotify (seriously???); the only available one has (on the upside) Renée Fleming as Salomé and Dolora Zajick as Hérodiade, but (major downside) has The Tenor Turned Baritone Who Shall Not Be Named as Jean. 

The cast is marvelous top to bottom; Nadine Denize is a new name for me but she was excellent. The other four leads were excellent as always. I’m a huge fan of Plasson’s work.

Anyway, this opera is extremely interesting. It doesn’t follow either the original tale of the death of John the Baptist or the Wilde play that became the Richard Strauss opera. It’s quite different.

The backstory: years before the action of the opera, Hérodiade abandoned her daughter Salomé (who has no memories of her mother except that she was abandoned) in order to marry Hérode. in the intervening time, Salomé has found comfort from Jean and his preaching (as well as fallen in love with him) and heard a voice telling her to come to Jerusalem in order to find her mother. she has followed and become friends with Phanuel, who’s an adviser kinda in everyone’s business. Jean has been busy insulting Hérodiade, which has the completely expected effect of making her severely PO’d. meanwhile Hérode has seen and fallen in Opera Villain Lust (TM) with Salomé. also there’s an attempted revolt going on against the Romans.

The plot, very shortly: Salomé dreams of both finding her mother and furthering her relationship with Jean. Hérodiade asks Hérode to have Jean executed; he says no. Jean calls Hérodiade out a bunch and it’s awesome. Later, at a party or something, Hérode is horny and drinks a potion that makes him have erotic visions of Salomé. Phanuel tells him about the political situation and Hérode, in order to become more popular, allies himself with the revolt. However, unexpectedly the Roman official Vitellius shows up and Hérode changes his tune real quick. Jean comes on with his followers and Salomé and basically disses everyone. Hérodiade notices Hérode making eyes at Salomé and tells Vitellius that Jean is bad news, hoping to get someone to help her get Jean executed.

Hérodiade then pays Phanuel, who apparently is also an astrologer, a visit and asks him to tell her what the stars hold. Because this is an opera, there is a whole lot of blood and destruction in those stars. Phanuel also tells Hérodiade that her star is linked to that of her abandoned daughter and that said abandoned daughter is nearby. Hérodiade is overjoyed at first but when Phanuel points to Salomé outside, she’s horrified and her joy turns to hatred. Salomé tries to find Jean inside the palace because he’s been captured, but Hérode finds her first and essentially all but sexually assaults her. Then Jean is put on trial; Hérode offers to pardon him if he helps him overthrow the Romans. Jean says no. Salomé then asks to die alongside Jean. Everyone’s like “wtf?!?!?!” and Hérode, realizing that Jean is his rival, sentences both to death. Hérodiade, who wants to dispatch both the man who insulted her and the woman who’s drawing her husband’s wandering eye, thinks this is convenient.

Jean angsts in prison. Salomé finds him and declares her love, and at last he too declares that he loves her. But in a twist, Hérode pardons Salomé (and her alone) and summons her to the palace. She is carried off as such against her will. Jean is executed. The Romans have crushed the rebellion, and Hérode (who just goes with what’s in vogue) holds a banquet to celebrate along with Hérodiade. Salomé interrupts the festivities and asks that either she die with Jean or Jean be saved because Jean was the only person who truly cared for her after her abandonment by the mother she despises. An executioner announces that Jean is dead. Salomé realizes that Hérodiade is responsible and goes to stab her, but Hérodiade reveals that she is Salomé’s mother. Salomé, in despair, kills herself instead. The end.

It’s really an extremely sad opera. All Salomé wanted was to have someone truly care about her. And in pursuit of a man, Hérodiade ruined her life twice over and became directly responsible for her death. And yet she isn’t completely a monster either; she’s a complicated woman who wants to keep her husband from straying, which is understandable given what she gave up to be with him, though she went about it all wrong. Hérode is almost certainly worse, with little to none in the way of redeeming qualities. Jean is a Good Tenor who doesn’t want Salomé to get hurt. Phanuel is just trying to keep everything together but he’s failing miserably. It’s really very compelling.

The music! My God, the music! Massenet writes so beautifully and has a rare gift among composers: to maintain a distinctive style while still fully immersing the listener in the distinct soundscape of the world in which the opera takes place. And since this is Massenet, the score is marvelous start to finish, though several moments stood out at first listen:

all the arias (in particular, I had no idea Salomé got a second marvelous aria in Act III after her iconic “Il est doux, il est bon” 15 minutes into the opera)

the Act I trio for Hérode, Hérodiade, and Jean

I didn’t realize the tune from the orchestral intro to “Il est doux, il est bon” was a motif for Jean!

those dreamy harp arpeggios leading into and out of Hérode’s vision

the entire Salomé/Hérode duet (Salomé is such a badass)

the Act III danse sacré

the moment when Salomé publicly declares her love and admiration for Jean

the ensuing ensemble

the entire Salomé/Jean duet

from Salomé’s final entrance to the end of the opera

anyway, marvelous opera. even though I’m technically one short, I think this is a good place to end this month’s experiment. it’s been fun. :)

[twinkluffy]

fanfics for quarantine with α!katsuki x Ω!izuku.

Hiya, my fellows shippers. I know quarantine is being hard to everyone for different reasons but i hope you can stay safe at home. If you have to be outside for work or to work with/for people, thank you so much for your hard work and it is deeply appreciated. 

In this occasion it’s my pleasure to bring you all a fanfic recommendation list of Alpha/Omega KatsuDeku that i loved on AO3. So buckle up, gather everything you need for this wild ride because this gonna be a long post and this just the first part, sisters. Friendly reminder that every person writes their own rules for their omegaverse. It goes without saying that most of this post is+18 rated filth (and i did let out some nasty things that would make most of you don’t hold a face to face conversation with me without kinkshaming me) but even with that the sexual content is gonna have a bolded +18 beside the tittle; and as the old saying goes: read the damn tags on the fic, they are there for a reason.  

The links, rating, state and summary under the cut. Please, feel free to reblog and like or to come to my dms just to talk or ask for a type of fic in specific. I’ll post part 2 of this soon. 

drag me to the deeps of your heart (+18)  by halcyonwhispers [one shot, 5945 words // 1/2 from “The (im)proper way to an Alpha-Omega courtship” series ] 

Everyone presents on their 17th birthday, and while Katsuki has already (alpha, big fuckin’ shocker), he awaits his boyfriend’s presentation to finally get over the nonexistent (slight) curiosity over Izuku’s new rank. He can’t be an alpha, not crybaby, overthinking Deku. Anyways, both his parents are betas, and all that genetic and biology shit says Deku’s bound for that road. (he thinks)

Gravity (+18) by warschach [complete, 71477 words, 10 chapters]

Izuku is back in his hometown and plenty hasn't changed much from the 8 years he was gone. Except, Katsuki Bakugou, the alpha king of their small town. He's hotter- because that's fair, right, God? -, stronger, a now-famous pro fighter, and noticeably nicer this round. Not that he cares, pfft.

Ha, Izuku Midoriya caring about Katsuki Bakugou, thinking he's pretty cute and not half bad once you get past the asshole persona; though that gargantuan ego of his could take a dive off a very tall cliff. (Fine, he cares.)

what’s mine is mine (+18) by xenodickery [one shot, 5504 words // 1/3 from the “what’s mine is mine” series. Implied r*pe not related to the pair]

Bakugou watched, fists shaking in his lap, as someone pried open Midoriya's mouth and placed the pink tab on his tongue. An aphrodisiac. At least that's what they'd called it. A heat compellant.

Marshmallow by choimarie  [one shot, 3359 words // part of the 2k18 bakudeku week]

“Yo! Look at what we have here!” A voice said loudly and Izuku's heart stopped.

He turned around, his eyes widening. A group of six alphas was walking his way towards him.

What’s is this? The beginning of a porn0? (+18) by JijiHadidnt [2 chapters, 4625 words]

“Did somebody order a pizza?”

“What is this? The beginning of a porno?”

“Shut up Nerd just let me in.”

Izuku and Bakugou handle their argument over celebrity crushes in an interesting way.

A nest for the best by Camellia_Sinensis [one shot, 1007 words // Part of the “dorks in love” series] 

Deku’s been nesting and asking everyone in 1-A for pieces of clothing for his horde. Everyone, that is, except Katsuki. Cue the jealousy.

where i feel you the most (+18) by shousanki [one shot,3899 words]

In which Katsuki comes 1) to terms with Izuku's screwy biology almost as unpredictable as the person himself, and 2) down Izuku's warm and willing throat.

the last dragon-blood king (+18) by claimedbydaryl [complete, 13 chapters, 107.009 words]

Katsuki Bakugou was the alpha heir to a forgotten throne, reigning lord and warden of the Fyre Isles, a famed warrior of vicious repute in the Western Seas, and he would be wed to Izuku Midoriya by the day’s end.

Project: heat (+18) by ellslane  [one shot, 2914 words]

Katsuki can do this. He can control himself around Deku, who’s scent has spiked in sweetness and is dripping in pheromones. He can maintain his composure as they work together on a school project. He can keep himself in check as his stupid smell wafts through the air, and directly into his nose.

He can’t do this.

Dessert before dinner (+18) by Morpheel [one shot, 3473 words] 

Ground Zero has his work cut out for him as of late.

Between his increased Hero workload, and a pregnant mate at home, there's very little time to slow down and "smell the roses", as they say. He's too busy fighting the rampant crime rate going wild throughout the city without their Pillar of Justice on duty for 9 months. Yet leave it up to Izuku to find his own way in squirming some quality time in before Katsuki's shift.

Emergency contact (+18) by SurelyHeavenWaits [one shot, 3753 words]

There are some things in life that a person would like to know in advance:

weather forecasts, patrol schedules, patrol routes, being listed as an ERC for the person they've secretly loved for most of their life. Pro Hero Deku knew three of these things at the start of his shift.

Blonde haired bunnies (+18) by morpheel [one shot, 5194 words]

In an attempt to create a new genetic pattern in the Rabbit-Hybrid Gene, Izuku Midorya is paired with a very strange (and almost unorthodox) stud. The end goal is blonde haired, red eyed rabbits- though only one Alpha truly fits that bill.

Surely a wolf and a rabbit can't breed?

Late mornings (+18) by Oilux [one shot, words]

When Deku arrives, late for class, panting, red stained cheeks, every alpha in the class staring at him with open want, Bakugo only has one thought crossing his mind.

He’s mine.

Vitality in postpartum (+18) by ellslane [one shot,2989 words]

Katsuki can tell his husband has been dealing with his image after giving birth to their precious boy, and he's hellbent on making Izuku see the perfection he sees. Happy husband, happy life, after all.

Box (+18) by SurelyHeavenWaits [one shot, 3028 words]

On a stakeout for a villain with what's been reported as a lust-inducing Quirk, Pro Heroes Ground Zero and Deku find themselves boxed into a dire situation.

I’m so glad i found my mate today by kittiegirl1616 [oneshot, 2123 words]

Pro-Hero Ground Zero has captured a villain when he senses his mate is nearby.

whatever you’ve done, just bury (+18) it by ikvros [complete, 3 chapters, 18.593 words]

He knows how Katsuki thinks, talks, and fights. He knows how he sleeps, how he eats, how he loves, and how he leaves. And he knows what knows what it means for Katsuki to come back; has washed the evidence from the sheets countless times, scrubbed the scent of him off his skin in the morning until it’s as red and raw as his heart.

Their home (+18) by Veradiciy [one shot, 2694 words] 

There was nothing wrong with parking the car inside their garage. Nothing wrong with turning off the ignition and locking the car while still inside. Not even when the sensory light of the garage had went out a minute later to leave darkness at its wake. Having sex comes naturally between a mated couple like Bakugou and Midoriya in the late night during the start of Midoriya's heat.

Please scent me by fleurown [one shot, words]

In which Deku needs a quick favor at a party and Katsuki can't deny such a cute face.

eternity by PepeermintLeo [one shot, 9.724 words]

Izuku was Kacchan’s partner, in every sense of the word. He ruled right next to Kacchan’s side, an alpha and an omega, leading Kacchan’s tribe against all sorts of odds. As well as his romantic partner, steady and solid by his side but giving when emotions called for it.

Uncertainty by SuperiorDragonLord [one shot, 5129 words]  

Izuku was getting worried. After a particularly rough rescue mission, Katsuki had yet to even have a full conversation with him. Tensions are running high and Izuku is starting to get tired of walking around on eggshells. When he finally decides to confront Katsuki about it things take a direction he hadn't been prepared for.

Devil in me (+18) by glamour_weebs [oneshot, 1699 words]

Katsuki's usually the one getting into fights over Deku when they go to the club, but this time, his Omega's the one that starts a fight over him, but he doesn't stop there. Deku's determined to mark his territory.

if you can’t find the moning light, i’m here tonight by yabakuboi [oneshot, 3488 words]

Katsuki was never sure what happened to his childhood friend, quirkless Izuku who had presented as an omega and was whisked away to a traditional matchmaking house. Katsuki never saw him again after that, and tried to convince himself it was for the best. Many lonely years pass before he finds Izuku in the last place he ever wanted to, in the middle of a battlefield with a child clutching to his shirt.

Earned it (+18)by Morpheel [one shot, 6038 words]

Because within the illumination of lantern light stood a brothel’s worth of Omegas, all in various states of disarray, giggling and washing themselves without a care in the world to the army in their path.

Bakugou’s eyes narrowed in suspicion.

Say it again by susurrxus [one shot, 7153 words // Part of the (incomplete) “Mina Ashido approve of this ship” series] 

Katsuki discoveres he doesnt quite oppose to being called Daddy... nor does he oppose to abusing his Omega until he's a sobbing whore on the teachers desk.

[meichenxi]

For langblr asks: 7, 10, 11, 18, and 49

Thanks!! This may get long, so I apologise in advance! I’m learning German and Esperanto alongside Chinese, but since my German is fairly advanced and I don’t really learn actively any more (I just read, listen to talks etc - mainly because I have no reason to actively speak German sadly) and my Esperanto is basic I’ll just talk about Chinese. 

7 -  What are some things that you learned about language learning that really improved your studying? 

- Hands down learning about the role of attention in language learning. In an ideal situation, you are exposed to the target feature, then have your attention drawn to it/figure it out yourself, and are then exposed to it in natural language again. I think we all know the wild experience when you learn a word and then magically the universe provides it - and suddenly you know that word forever. I now like to think of word ‘learning’ as incremental rather than binary: recognising a word in a familiar context, an unfamiliar context, and then finally using the word are all different levels of ‘knowing’ that word. What this means in practice is that I worry less about not being able to use all the vocabulary actively that I recognise passively, because I know once I do use it actively that item will be easier to access. So there are two things here: first of all, that I don’t worry if I’m watching or reading something and don’t actively extract vocab from it, because I know that hearing it will make it easier to remember later on; and secondly, that if I ‘pay attention’ to a word but don’t ‘learn’ it because I haven’t seen it in context, that state of not knowing is temporary. The moment I see it in context - sometimes months later, when I had completely ‘forgotten’ that word - I know what it is. So I don’t stress as much about not being able to remember words from flashcards or whatever, because I know that seeing/hearing them in context is what cements that word, not just repetition. 

10 - What are some thing that you love about the language you’re learning?

Oh my goodness. So many things. I love characters; they used to absolutely drive me crazy, but the ability to read after so long being unable to read now just feels wonderfully exciting every single time. I love learning about different components and how they combine together. I love too that the idea of ‘the word’ is tied so intimately to characters: there are psycholinguistic experiments showing that Chinese native speakers learning English show interference effects when two words are presented in English that have the same component (not even whole character!) and it slows down decision making. I love the way that tone and intonation interact and I love seeing how far I’ve come from not understanding how I could express emotion at all. I love what Chinese shows about the power of the second language learner: it’s incredibly homophonous because of limited syllables even with tones, and it’s radical pro-drop, the more formal you are the shorter/more concise sentences tend to be, and when you’re in a different dialect/Chinese language even those useful initials or finals can change and still you know what is being said. It’s incredible. I love the sound of <q> and <j> and <x> and especially the final <ing>. 

The thing I love most about Chinese is its conciseness and elegance. I love learning about different systems of politeness and register and Literary Chinese is just so incredibly concise: if learning modern standard Mandarin is interesting, Literary Chinese is just...it blows my mind. It’s very unique: and I don’t mean this in the sense of ‘oh look how Exotic and Different’, I mean this typologically: it’s arguably the most analytical language in the world and is regularly used in linguistics papers to exemplify phenomena found in such highly analytical languages. I also think the encoding of order-based pragmatics into actual linguistic implicature is absolutely so cool. 

I love the difference registers it has, and I love that it feels such a good language to moan about the bus being late in and also, you know, that kind of poetry which just takes your breath away. I love how the same sentence can be expressed in different registers and how grammar patterns from literary Chinese can be used in modern Chinese. I love how compounding and derivational morphology work in Chinese (it’s absolutely nuts?? and so versatile??) and I love how names carry so much meaning. I love it for its ambiguity and conciseness and completely *shrug* lack of need to express tense or person because you know, if you know you know.

And from a synesthete’s point of view, Chinese is beautiful too: it’s a crisp clear dawn-like language, cool and misty. 

Finally, I love it for what it has taught me. It’s the first tonal language I’ve ever learnt, and the learning curve has been huge. Parts of it have been massively frustrating (we’ll get to that). I remember the week before I went to China for the first time hurriedly trying to learn some phrases, and I just couldn’t get them to stick in my head. I think I practiced ‘good morning’ about 10,000 times and I still couldn't say it right, or remember it. Languages were sort of my thing - I had taken my German GCSE early, done French and Spanish 0-GCSE in one year each, done three language A-levels (Spanish in five months because I dropped out of another A-level, self-taught German) as well as an extracurricular Latin GCSE. I was cocky!! And so not being able to do it was crushing at first and also just, what?? So learning Chinese has taught me patience, and it’s a useful bench-mark now if I ever feel like I can’t do anything. It’s taught me that you just need patience and determination, and that you'll get there in the end. Genuinely, that’s the most useful lesson I’ve learnt in my short life. 

11 - What are some things that you don’t like / find frustrating about the language you’re learning?

Originally, I found both the pronunciation and characters immensely frustrating. I think I’m over those hurdles, and now what annoys me most is the grammar - and if anyone says there is no grammar in Chinese I may just murder you. Chinese grammar is hard because, as I’ve talked about before, a lot of rests on sentence patterns and a lot of it seems to shift in ways that, say, Spanish grammar doesn’t, depending on context, formality and so on. But the reason Chinese grammar is difficult is again because the categories it manipulates are ones that don’t map perfectly onto what we think is being manipulated. So we build representations in our mind and try to learn structures without realising that a lot of it is patterns, not something set in stone. This includes phenomena like topic-marking, fronting, emphasis and so on. The most ‘grammar’-like of Chinese grammar actually is based in large parts in implicatures and the pragmatic-semantic interface, which is very hard to teach. This is why I think that input is especially crucial in Chinese. 

Also, embedded wh-questions are hard. 

As I’m learning more, though, this is all gradually becoming less frustrating. I don’t want to jinx anything and I still have a lot to learn, but I’m feeling cautiously optimistic that the worst is behind me. Things are making a lot more sense now anyway!!!

18 - Have you had any conversations with natives of your target language/s? How did that go?

Haha, of course. I lived in China for six months and then visited again for two months. I also work as an English teacher online and have a lot of Chinese students. I also sometimes chat with other Chinese students in the German classes I was taking. I’m really excited though to go back to China though now that I’m a little bit better and see how I can improve from there!!! I feel like last time I wasn’t really at a good enough level to improve quickly; I think this time would be really hard, but I can communicate well enough that I hope people wouldn’t switch back to English. 

One of the problems I have always had though has been that my pronunciation sounded better than my knowledge of the language - because of immersion. So people always assumed I understood way more than I actually did which was always terrible because I never knew wtf was going on. 

One really really nice conversation I had recently: in my English class, a young girl’s mother asked if I could explain the present simple vs present continuous to her daughter...in Chinese. And regardless of what nonsense I said, the little girl understood! Ahhhh that warm glowy feeling of human connection and accomplishment. 

49 - What are your language goals for 2021?

Since I’m learning quite intensively at the moment, these goals will be appropriately intense. Gulp. 

1) Pass HSK5 (March). This is my biggest goal, and the first time I’ve ever worked towards a language exam so I’m a little nervous. I think it’s do-able (especially with the help of the course that I’m taking, HSK Online), but still large enough to be scary. 

2) Be able to write all words up to HSK5 by hand (July). I have a little more time for this one - normally I don’t think handwriting is particularly important, but since I’m going to be studying in a Chinese university next year with the dreaded 听写 I need to be able to do it. They sort you into groups depending on your exam results, and if I can’t handwrite more than 我 then I’m not going to get very far. How do I plan on achieving this? I’m planning maybe on buying a subscription to Skritter again and working through (I really like them), but most importantly, just handwriting freely in a notebook and building up the habit. 

3) Be able to read at the same speed as the subtitles. I know, I know, most people can. But I can’t lmao so let me practice. 

4) Be in a good place to take HSK6 in early 2022. I don’t actually know if I’m going to take the HSK6 exam: maybe not. HSK5 is only important for me because I need it for a scholarship. But as random as some of the words are, it’s a very good benchmark and a useful list. Considering I’ll have from March until the end of the year, and from the end of June onwards I’ll be in a Mandarin-speaking environment (and be in a Chinese university from August/September) I think it’ll set me up well. It’s way too much to do by the end of the year though, so this goal is just to do as much as I can before 2022. 

5) Read the first Harry Potter in Chinese. Guys, I’m not looking to understand the descriptions of the moat or Hagrid’s beard. But I want to be able to read the dialogue with ease, and be able to dip in and out of the book with ease. 

6) Complete my literary Chinese textbook (mid-year). 

7) Be able to watch shows like Streetdance of China without subs. I can watch some shows already without subs, but I often feel that’s more to do with galaxy-brain thinking, ‘reading the room’ and being lazy than actually understanding all the words. Despite shows like the Untamed having more ‘difficult’ vocab, I find them a lot easier to understand than variety shows etc because the audio is extremely clear and not too fast. Watching Nirvana in Fire without subs will have to be a goal for 2022 lmao; no way will that happen by this time next year. 

8) Learn the top 1000 traditional characters and practice reading traditional more. This is not as hard as it sounds: past about the top 500, many of them differ in very predictable ways. 

And here are three long-term goals I have no time limits on:

1) Read MDZS and TGCF in Chinese. Ahhh. The dream. 

2) Read lots of wuxia!!!!!!! All the wuxia!!!!!!!! Be able to read actual books, imagine.

3) Use Chinese for academic research on Chinese dialects and Tibetan languages. This is kind of...my career path...so! 

Thanks for the ask!! 

[what-a-messsss]

1x9 rewatch

Yeeeee, this has Jacob and Mathias.  Good good.  ...It bothers me faaaar more than it should (which is to say, at all) that the episode title “Dogs, Horses and Indians” doesn’t have an Oxford comma.  Like, a lot.  o.o

Aaaaaahahaha, and here is Mathias being sneaky, sending Walt and Vic off to the northeast quadrant!  And I am once again confronted with my own double standard.  Because Mathias doing this has me kind of proud of him, but if Walt did it, I would be loading the solar catapult.  Hm.

Henry gives Walt so much leeway.  Mathias’ little dig at Henry about living on the Rez his whole life makes more sense to me now.  After all, Henry and Walt worked on oil rigs up in Alaska for at least part of their 20s according to later info.  That and him living above the Red Pony now, in Durant, make sense that there might be some added friction.

Wooooow.  Vic repeatedly said how weird it was that Mathias was being agreeable, so she just takes it upon herself to be even more of a jerk to balance things out?  Which... the heavy irony being that her “Maybe they didn’t want you running the investigation” crack is right, but also super wrong.  

Haa, the campaign advisor running “joke.” And Henry’s smiiiiile.

Oof.  Walt does not know the meaning of “tread lightly,” but again, he’s not wrong about this one.  Mathias did massively mess with the crime scene and muddle the investigation to a spectacular degree.  But Mathias is wily, and far more savvy about politics than Walt ever chooses to be.  And he’s right that he’s in an incredibly tight spot, and it’s not like he could have just asked for help.  Even if Walt had been inclined to help (haa), doing so would have totally undermined his credibility with the force and the tribe.

“Come on, Sheriff.  Can you look me in the eye and tell me you’ve never broke the law for the right reason?”  Matty, that’s his whooooole modus operandi.  As I think you well know.

I do wonder how long it’s been since Cady got her own place.  No judgement on her credit card statements still going there; one of my bills still ends up going to my mom’s despite attempts to change that, and it’s been over 5 years since I’ve lived with her.  But I do wonder.  

GOLF.  Baaahahaha, golf.  Of course the Connallys golf.  Barlow is suuuuuuuch a piece of shiiiiiit.  And of course he’s already leveraging favours and keeping track.  Oooo, but they do make it delightfully easy to hate him, and very satisfying, too.

NO, Walt, somebody being your deputy does not make their personal life your business.  Even when it involves your daughter.  Until either of them make it your business, it sure fucking isn’t.  And then the look on Branch’s face when Walt goes, “You... that’s a different story.”  Aaaah, back when Branch was vaguely sympathetic sometimes.  Ish.

Why... why does Walt charge in with no backup so often?  I guess just general self-destructive tendencies and all, but ffs.  He takes on a biker gang in their home territory with no back up.  On purpose.  He has no idea that the deputies have figured out where he is and are coming.  He just goes charging in and does some impressive damage, but if they hadn’t showed up when they did he’d be in traction or just flat out dead.  Exhausting.

I cannot for the life of me remember the actor’s name, but he’s in my head as Gabriel from the bit of time I did watch Supernatural.  He’s so squeaky new!  He’s such a rube.

I wonder how many ‘excessive force’ charges have been filed against Walt.  Probably not one in 20 times they could have been.  Ruby is not impressed.  And Vic is, as ever, an enabler.  Oooooo, Ruby just called him Walter.  She means business. Too bad he doesn’t give a shit about anything but what he wants.  ...I think I just figured out part of why Walt pisses me off so much.  That entitlement to do whatever the hell he wants and bother the rest rings really familiar from my dad.  Womp womp.  That can go on the list of things to talk about with the therapist.

Awwwww, Cady’s graduation photo on Henry’s desk!  He’s such a good second dad.  

I hadn’t thought about it the first time around, but @cminerva said something in one of our musings (that I think went into our joint fic) about Walt making Mathias come to him for things.  And here we are in the Red Pony, with Walt having had the Tribal Council brought to him, all 10 or so of them, rather than to go to them.  Which... that’s some fucked up power dynamic bullshit right there.  And they’re all sitting in a semi-circle, with Walt and Vic standing.  This is... so uncomfortable.  Crusty old white man scolds Tribal Council, literally standing there with his hands on his hips.  WITH HIS HAND ON HIS GUN--I fricking swear to gods, Walt, what the flaming hell.

Yeeeeeee, Jacob.  He’s so fluffy.  The sides of his hair are so long.  This is a delight.  Ok, but can I just take a moment with the fact that Jacob bought Eaglestar’s debt?  From a cynical point of view, it could be to make sure that he had the president of the tribal council effectively in his pocket, and there was probably an element of that.  But I do genuinely believe that as much of a pragmatist as he is, Jacob is a thwarted optimist.  When he says, “Because I bought his debt.  ...I wanted to make sure no one could influence his decisions, no one could force him to act against his own judgment,” that he’s telling the truth.  “He may have had demons, but he was his own man.”  I think that he probably hopes the same for himself.

Cady’s faaaace when Walt gets back and is ignoring the excessive force charge.  Officially one of my favourite moments of the whole show now.  Yus.  The sheer lack of respect that Walt has for his daughter. Blatant lack of respect for her and her expertice.  Yeet him into the sun, I’m telling you.

Who she sleeps with is not about you, you jackass.  This is such a good scene for her as an actor.  And such a bad scene for him as a dad.  He’s such a bad father.  Which makes me about 400x more grateful that she basically has Henry as her Other Dad.  Who does not suck as much.  Damn.

Mmmmm, Henry’s glasses make a return.

Vic’s “don’t shit where you eat” is pretty rich, considering her multi-year boner for her boss, and then actually getting together with him.  

I’m pretty ridiculously gone on Jacob.  He walks back in at the end the ep and my sad little heart just goes pitter patter.  I’d sort of forgotten that he doesn’t meet the blood-quantum requirements.

“Not cynical.  Just suspicious.”  No, no, suspicious aaand cynical.  You’re mighty good at multitasking on the shitty stuff, Walt.  The accusations he levels at Jacob are so utterly circumstantial, so completely without any shred of proof to back them up, but we’re still in the early days of the show, where we’ve seen him spin these “here’s what happened” things had seen them pan out, that the audience is inclined to believe him.  Walt also has a tendency to complicate things.

If Jacob was setting up dominoes behind the scenes, the convoluted mess that Walt postulates still doesn’t really make sense.  It would make more sense for Jacob to buy Malcolm’s debt in the hopes that he would possibly feel indebted or otherwise favourable towards him to not pass the blood-quantum resolution in the first place.  Arranging a convoluted murder to get himself a place on the council when there are clearly election anyway is just... not clean, not smart, and too liable to go wrong.  Jacob is careful and while he prefers delegating, a total wild card like Mika would be a huge risk for something that could blow up in his face so spectacularly.  Walt, you make no sense.  Como siempre.

This scene at the end with Branch and Cady reinforces my theory that Branch desperately wanted anything positive from Walt.  “He’ll get over it.”  “Yeah, with you.  You’re his daughter.  But me?”  And that’s kind of gutting for him.  So he squares up and off he goes.

“And I’m no quitter.”  No, you’re a drama llama.  Sheesh.

[purplesurveys]

1162

What is the youngest age you can remember back to? I was 3 and I had just woken up in a Winnie the Pooh tent with my sister, who was 1 at the time. Our parents let us go ‘camping,’ which was really nothing more than a tiny tent set up on the floor in their room.

What sports are you trying out for this year? Wakeboarding and rock climbing.

Did you wear your hair in a ponytail today? Yeah it was in a ponytail for the whole day as it helps me focus better at work. I’ve kept the ponytail on even though it’s 11 in the evening right now, but now it’s because it would be too warm with my hair down.

Who do you have on speed dial? Nobody. I’m not sure how to do that with my phone, and even if I knew how to I don’t know if there’d be anyone I’d want to put on speed dial.

What colors do you like to paint your toenails? I never do anything with my toenails except clip them.

Would it be cool to learn how to DJ at a club? Sure!

Where are you going to be three hours from now? It would be 2 AM by then but I highly doubt I’d be asleep by then. I just bought all 7 of the BTS Cold Brew Americano bottles (yep, so much happened while I was gone and I am apparently an Army now...) so I’m drinking from one of them tonight; and they are strong as fuuuuuuuck.

What job would you NEVER take, even as a last resort? Anything related to sex work. Not that I’m against it, but it’s just not for me.

If you broke your computer, would you be able to fix it on your own? Only if it’s something a hard reboot could easily fix haha. If it’s beyond that, I don’t think so.

If someone looked in your closet, how would they judge your style? That I need to update my wardrobe. Most of them were trendy at some point, but not so much these days. They would probably comment that I need to add more colors as well.

What was the shittiest hotel you’ve ever stayed at and why? I’m not sure we’ve stayed somewhere I absolutely hated. I know my dad hated our first hotel in Palawan since the whole vibe of the room felt cheap, the bedsheets looked kinda tacky, and the power went out at night, but that’s also just the luxury liner executive in him. Since I don’t really travel just to stay all day in our hotels, I personally haven’t had any experience where I was like, “never again.”

Have you ever gone on a boat and been sick the whole time? No; I get seasick but I can handle it. It’s carsickness I have a problem with.

Did you get a good sleep last night? Not really. My sleep actually felt very shallow and it really felt like I had been up all night even though I’m pretty sure fell asleep by around midnight. Anyway, I’m getting a 3-day weekend since it’s a national holiday tomorrow, so at least I have a lot of time to catch up on much-needed sleep.

What is the weather like outside? It’s pretty chilly and I feel a few breezes every now and then, but it’s not enough. I’m not sweating, but I also need to have my hair up in a bun because otherwise I’d be too warm. Phone says 27ºC.

If someone makes a spelling or grammar mistake, do you ignore or correct? Mostly ignore. I only ever correct if it’s me who made the mistake by accident.

Do oversized sunglasses actually look good on you? I’ve never tried putting any on, so I wouldn’t know.

What is the most overrated thing in the world? Milk tea. It’s great and delicious I like having my own occasionally, but it’s seriously nothing life-changing.

Have you heard any completely untrue rumors about yourself lately? No. I’d feel sorry for someone who would still be making up rumors in their 20s.

What is one word to describe your room? Progress. It’s come a long way since the breakup.

Have you ever kept something from the wild as a pet? Not in the sense that we caught it ourselves from the wild, but there was one time my sister won a baby chick at a fair when we were super young and we had him for a few days. We tried our best to care for him, but we just weren’t equipped and knowledgeable with what baby chicks need so he didn’t last too long.

Do your parents try to plan out your future for you? No, and I’m glad they aren’t the stereotypical Filipino/Asian parents that dictate how I should be living my life. My mom will sometimes let a comment like “get a boyfriend already” slip through, but she also knows I don’t have the patience for remarks like that so she doesn’t bring it up most of the time.

Do you think that surveys are a huge waste of time? I personally don’t think so. Any activity that helps me relax and gather my thoughts isn’t something I’d call a waste of time.

Are you wearing a hoodie today? No. I would hate to be wearing a hoodie right now lmao, I’d be too miserable in the heat.

Did you sleep alone the last two nights? Yes.

You’re single, right? Yups.

How long was your last phone conversation you had? It lasted like 10 seconds because when I picked up, their signal was very choppy and his voice wasn’t getting through at all.

Who was it with? A delivery rider who sent me a package that Bea apparently arranged for me :’) It has all my favorite Korean snacks and goodies and she even included a cup sleeve of Jin from BTS cos she knows he’s my favorite :(((((

What was it about? Like I said, I never got to talk to him on the phone because his signal was poor, though he probably called to ask for directions. He eventually got to my house.

Excited for anything? Binge-watching Run BTS and Bon Voyage all weekend, and digging into the Frankie’s order I got for delivery tonight.

Got laid last night, didn’t you? Nope.

Do you have drama in your life? Kind of at the moment, but it’s something I couldn’t give less of a shit about so I’m not even getting into it lmao. What’s something you really want right now, be honest? To be able to get out of the house and get my cafe visits on weekends back.

As of this minute, what is going through your mind? That these instant noodles I’m eating are really spicy.

Have you laughed until you cried? Many times.

What are you listening to right now? I can hear a neighbor’s dog barking every now and then and a few airconditioners in the neighborhood whirring.

What color are your shoes? I’m not wearing any right now, but most of my shoes are white anyway.

Can you crack your neck? Nope.

What is the last thing you drank? I took a sip from my banana milk right after I had a forkful of my noodles. Too spicy hahaha.

Where would I have found you last night at 11pm? I was cuddling with Kimi in bed while watching Bon Voyage.

What’s your plans for next Friday? So, tomorrow? Just watch a shit ton of BTS videos since they’re my latest obsession.

Does anyone hate you? Possibly.

Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the person you like? Erm, don’t really like anyone at the moment. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? No.

Could you go out in public looking like you do now? Probably to the nearest McDonald’s or 7-Eleven, but I wouldn’t go out to the mall altogether with what I’m wearing.

Who will you be sleeping with tonight? Just meeee.

Is there anyone you wouldn’t mind punching in the face now? Not in particular.

What do you have pierced? Just the ears. < Same.

Do you know anyone that smokes weed? A few people.

Where is the person you want right now? I’m not into anyone.

Are you too forgiving? I’m not forgiving in the first place.

Will this weekend be a good one? Continued from last night. I’m just glad I’ll get to relax for three days, but I don’t have any big plans for the weekend that would make it something exciting.

What is your favorite thing about being sick? I don’t think being sick is particularly fun, even if it means skipping school or work...

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do? Many times, which is why I’ve stopped using the phrase, “I’ll never do X.” I always end up doing whatever the thing is at some point.

Are there any people who don’t like you? It’s possible, but I don’t care.

The boy/girl you truly care about needs you at 3am, would you go? Only for my best friends, and maybe close family members. If you had to get a piercing right now, what would it be? I would get a nose stud or maybe a lip ring.

Do you have any bruises on you? Yeah I have one on my thigh. As usual, I have no idea where it came from.

Are you ticklish? Everywhere.

Ever liked someone who treated you like crap? Yes.

Who do you like right now? BTS? Lmao

What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated? A month and a half.

Are you gonna get high later? Nope. I know Andi’s always gonna be around as my ~supplier~ if I ever wanna try it out, but I have no plans to any time soon.

What was the first thing you said when you woke up today? That I wanna take a shower.

Do you blow dry your hair? Only for special occasions when I immediately need my hair styled in a certain way.

Do you look decent when you wake up? Some days, I think so.

Have you ever liked someone older then you? I mean they’re all celebrities, but yeah.

Is it hard to make you laugh? Not at all, I like to laugh.

How late did you stay up last night? Around 3 AM because I was watching Bon Voyage, and also memorizing BTS fanchants hahahahaha HELP

Which is worse for you: being hot, or being cold? I fucking hate being hot.

How many drugs have you done in the last three days? Just the caffeine in my coffee and nicotine in my vape.

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: THE QUEEN’S GAMBIT

Yes it’s true - the only things I’ve been watching lately are prestige TV shows starring women with bad red wigs. I’ll get back to movies someday!! In the meantime, I finally watched all of this miniseries that has Netflix and the world aflame with love - and I am aflame too....WITH HATRED OF ALL OF THESE WIGS!!! I have so much to discuss with this show, y’all. A friend of mine (who hasn’t watched this show yet) probably said it best when he told me he thought the wigs in this show were supposed to be wigs WITHIN the narrative of the show (and therefore allowed to be bad): “wait I thought this was about a chess spy - that’s supposed to be her real hair? NO” INDEED!!! Let’s take it episode by episode (SPOILERS ABOUND) and DISCUSS.

Episode 1 - Openings

We begin in Paris, 1967. Beth Harmon, chess champion (?) awakens in a bath of ice (?) in the dark of her hotel room, clearly hung over or maybe still drunk. Her red ‘60s flip wig looks like HELL as does she, so...ok I guess this bad wig wurqs...for now. She sits herself down to play CHESS!! This whole show is about chess, obviously, and everyone is just mad about chess now! I am mad, too, because the show does not make chess seem interesting or sexy and I still hate it. 

Anyway, we rewind about 10 (?) years to a young Beth Harmon, who is suddenly orphaned after her mom definitely commits suicide via car accident. Her mom has super short bangs and cries a lot. We see some even further flashbacks to an even younger Beth IN THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS BABY WIG (MORE ON THAT LATER). We learn that her mom is very unhinged, but also probably brilliant, as Beth herself will become later. LET’S HOPE SHE NEVER GETS HER DRIVER’S LICENCE (note: she never does?)

Apparently the mid to late ‘50s were all about very VERY short bangs, and on this non-wigged little girl I guess that is fine.

BUT THEN! She is brought to an orphanage where they burn her old clothes (YES REALLY!) and cut her hair into a bob (the kid’s actual hair so again - ok!) and also give her and all the other girls constant drugs! The 1950s were really wild, amiright? If I have learned anything from movies set at orphanages in the 50s, drug abuse was the main issue (the only movie I’m referring to is obviously The Cider House Rules and the only thing I remember about that movie is that Michael Caine had an ether addiction). Anyway, the sedative drugs make her immediately put her hand on a hot radiator (safety first, orphanage!) 

She also makes friends with an older girl named Jolene (I LOVE THE NAME) who teachers her to save the sedative drugs for nighttime when they can help her sleep. Great advice, Jolene! Also: there is absolutely no way that African American Jolene would be in an integrated orphanage in mid-50s KENTUCKY but this is just the beginning of issues I have with this series......

Moving on! In avoiding the orphanage’s weird insistence on Jesusy choir practice, she discovers the basement realm of janitor Bill Camp, who never actually does any janitorial work (that I could see?) but definitely plays a lot of chess. And thus, her chess obsession begins! This is also helped by those sedatives she takes every night which give her really absurd chess hallucinations on the ceiling. This orphanage has it all!

Essentially, this miniseries is Valley of the Dolls if those characters got addicted to both pills and chess at the age of 9. Beth gets very VERY good at chess and some rando chess guy from the local high school comes and gives Beth a doll (BETH HATES THE DOLL BUT LOVES DOLLS DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE). And she goes to the high school and plays a bunch of terrible high school boys at chess simultaneously and beats them all. Also: the orphanage suddenly gets in trouble for giving sedatives to small children for years and Beth is PISSED. She goes through withdrawal and years for the big ol’ jar o’ pills!!!

AND THEN! During a kind of Jesusy film presentation, Beth sneaks away to the orphanage pharmacy and just goes hog wild on the pills! TRULY: Valley of the Dolls has nothing on this sequence. 

Obviously, Beth is caught pill-handed and she also spills all the pills, breaks a giant glass jar, and then falls onto both of them. SHE IS 9. I THINK I LOVE THIS SHOW.

Episode 2: Exchanges

So after Beth’s completely insane pill odyssey, she is punished by being forbidden to play chess! Fast forward an indeterminate number of years, and we meet a slightly older Beth (now played by the bewigged Anya Taylor-Joy). AND THIS WIG, Y’ALL. WOOF. Completely dried out and bent, it really makes you appreciate the fact that they just cut the younger Beth’s hair. I realize that Anya is going to go through many 50s and 60s hairstyles to come but I really wish they had just done the same and used her real hair because we are about to take a bad wig odyssey that will last throughout this series. Also! I love that Jolene is played by the same actress! How old is too old to be in an orphanage?

Speaking of age! Beth is apparently now 15 but when a super weird couple expresses interest in adopting her, the orphanage director lady lies and says Beth is 13 and everyone just goes with it....FOR THE REST OF THE SERIES. Seriously, this age difference is never ever visited again or challenged. Beth is basically 15-17 for at least 5 years and no one gives a shit. OK? Anyway, Beth is adopted by Marielle friggin Heller (aka director of Can You Ever Forgive Me? and A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood) who has a very Mamie Eisenhower wig which is just fine compared to the bent and dry-ass mess on Anya’s head.

It is later revealed that Marielle adopted Beth because her husband is mainly away on business and she needs an older gal pal around to fetch her....sedatives from the magazine store! I wonder if Beth will totally get addicted to them again! I’m no chess player but you can absolutely predict plot devices in this series about two pawns away (is that a chess term? I still don’t know or care!) 

So yes: as predicted Beth absolutely gets addicted to sedatives again (also the specific sedatives she gets addicted to are the exact same ones she was addicted to at the orphanage - WHAT A COINCIDENCE! - and also they are made up sedatives for the purposes of this show only in case we all want to get the same magical chess sedatives and see chess on the ceiling too). ALSO! Beth is still mainly addicted to chess despite the fact that she was permitted from playing it for the last 5-7 years (depending on what version of her age you’re going on?) but still is good at it? Most upsetting: she rips apart her lovely bed canopy in order to see her ceiling chess hallucinations! THE NERVE OF THIS KID!

Also nervy: bitch totally stole chess magazines from the pharmacy when she was also stealing sedatives from her adoptive mom! Kleptomania is Beth’s #3 addiction after chess and pills also comes into play when it is revealed that her new adoptive mom is kinda poor since her husband is away all the time and doesn’t give her enough money so Beth can’t enter those chess tournaments she read about in the magazines she stole. SO she writes to janitor Bill Camp and asks for $5 to enter the chess thing and if she wins she’ll send him $10. THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT PLOT POINT WHICH WILL COME INTO PLAY LATER. So Beth goes to the chess tournament where she meets some not handsome twin dudes and a very handsome other dude named Townes.

Basically all the chess dudes at this tourney suck in the same way? To be fair: if I saw Beth walking up in her ugly orphanage clothes and orphanage cut wig, I would think she sucked at chess too? Oh also - all the girls at her new high school also think her style sucks. I WONDER IF IN COMING EPISODES SHE WILL GAIN MORE STYLE AND CHESS FAME THAN ALL THESE GARBAGE PEOPLE. Spoiler: she does and also beats this dude named Harry and becomes the Kentucky chess champion. Also! Beth’s adoptive dad totally abandons her and Marielle Heller!  I still hate chess but will continue to watch this show because of its haunting wigs and lowgrade feminist vibe.

Episode 3: Doubled Pawns

This episode begins with a flashback to Beth’s shitty birth mother and her shitty banged wig and remember that time I said I was going to talk about the wig on the littlest girl who plays her? WELL HERE WE ARE. Baby Beth has the absolute WORST WIG ON THIS SHOW and given how terrible all the wigs are, that is saying a lot. This wig looks like it was ripped off an American Girl doll which had been mistreated for years and thrown of a jungle gym or something. IT IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST (as is her mom, who makes this poor kid believe she had drowned!!!) 

ANYWAY. We get a new wig in this episode!!! Beth manages to grow out her orphanage bangs and allow her hair to have a 50s wave bob. Do not be fooled by the higher quality of this cut, however - the quality of the WIG continues to very much suck! WHAT IS THIS HAIR PART! No hair underneath! And everything is still a dried out, bent mess! ALSO HER ROOTS ARE A NIGHTMARE. This is also the episode wherein Marielle Heller basically becomes Mama Rose to Beth and really gets into Beth supporting both of them via chess winnings and becomes her chess manager (ACTUAL JOB TITLE). Also Beth gets nicer clothing. Hilariously, Marielle tells Beth’s high school that Beth is just constantly sick so she can skip school to go to chess tournaments even though Beth is straight up on the cover of Life magazine?! I wonder if this will at all come to the attention of the high school - IT DOESN’T! PLOT HOLES BE DAMNED THIS SHOW IS ABOUT CHESS! She does go to high school long enough for the snobby girls who once made fun of her to invite her to the dumbest party ever where they just sit around and ask Beth dumb questions about Chess fame and then all have a sing-along to a song Beth doesn’t know because she has no idea what pop culture is: ONLY CHESS CULTURE. I watched this show with my mom and asked if ‘60s parties were like this and she laughed her head off and said NO. ALSO! Beth’s kleptomania comes into play at this party where she steals a bottle of gin and leaves without saying goodbye to anyone. WHAT A BITCH.

Speaking of bitches, Beth meets a new chess diva in the form of Love Actually’s resident child drum prodigy! He has a character name but whatever: Love Actually is his name and he has longish shaggy (non wigged) hair and dresses like Crocodile Dundee and is loved and feared in the chess community for being such a non-nerd (?) chess player. I asked my mom if anyone dressed like this in the ‘60s and she said “NO! But I guess I didn’t know everyone” WHICH IS A GREAT ANSWER BECAUSE MY MOM DIDN’T RUN IN WEIRD CHESS CIRCLES IN THE ‘60s. We are lead to believe the ‘60s chess community of weirdos consists of the same 5 rotating dudes who are all at the same chess tournaments always and also possible love interests for Beth and she’s better at chess than all of them.

The only weirdo chess dude that Beth cares about is Townes, who you may recall from the last episode in which he was the only attractive chess dude at that first chess tournament Beth went to with borrowed Bill Camp money. Anyway, she runs into him at some chess tournament (LIKE I REMEMBER WHICH ONE PLEASE) in Las Vegas where he is now a chess reporter (ACTUAL 1960s JOB, Y’ALL). He invites Beth back to his hotel boudoir where he takes some non-boudoir pictures of her playing chess and Beth is all aflutter with chess love but SUCK IT BETH, TOWNES IS GAY!!! I have to say that the only believable part of this show is that the only attractive chess dude would be homosexual. It still does not forgive any of the other plot nonsense.

SO! It’s still the big Vegas chess tournament which is super duper important-chess wise (though this show also makes it seem like every chess game IS THE MOST IMPORTANT so who is to say?) Anyway, Beth and her 50s wave wig (even though it is the 60s?) play Love Actually and....they both win? I didn’t know this was a chess pastability but ok? Beth is pissed that she didn’t beat Love Actually, I hope I never have to see him again (SPOILER HE’S IN MANY MORE EPISODES AND HAD I KNOWN THAT MAYBE I WOULD HAVE STOPPED WATCHING NOW BUT I DIDN’T!) 

Episode 4: Middle Game

We are still stuck with this weird ‘50s bob in this episode. IT STILL LOOKS BAD. New developments are: Beth is taking night classes at the local college (even though she is technically still in high school?) in order to learn Russian to better understand people who are more obsessed with chess than she is: Russians. Anyway, he ends up going to the most wild and stereotypical hippie party with a college dude after class and yep - loses her virginity to him. Ok? At least it wasn’t to a chess weirdo? She also stays behind and parties and drinks alone in the hippie apartment because of all her substance addiction and kleptomania. Also! She graduates from high school despite being 2 years too old for high school (a plot point never explained) and missing all that high school for chess tourneys (another plot point never explained!) OH WELL: CHESS! 

Beth and Marielle go to Mexico City for some chess tournament (AGAIN I COULDN’T TELL YOU WHICH ONE). Marielle is excited because she is pen pals (OMG THE 60s Y’ALL) with some Mexican weirdo who I definitely feared would steal all the chess winnings but then ultimately just sucks in the same way the adoptive dad did. Beth also runs into those chess twin weirdos because the chess community is comprised of only 5 dudes as I said. Their hair looks bad but not as bad as her wig. 

Beth doesn’t see much of Mexico City - nor do we unless you count a truly outrageous sequence in which Beth and Marielle go out on their hotel balcony and look into a green screen rendering of Mexico City that would have felt at home in CGI ghostmare, Bohemian Rhapsody. Anyway, Beth and her olde timey 1950s wig which is spending way too much time in the 60s even though she’s supposed to be stylish now, take a lot of chess baths while Marielle drinks a lot because that Mexican pen pal/boyfriend sucks so bad.

So Beth wins enough chess to play Borgov, who we are led to believe is the Russian white whale/Bond villain of the chess community and LOSES! She is pretty pissed about it but not as pissed as...

....coming back to the hotel room to discover Marielle Heller and her luscious Mamie Eisenhower wig DEAD. TWICE AN ORPHAN, Y’ALL. Mexican coroners tell Beth that her mom died of hepatitis (!!!) and Beth somehow implicates low quality tequila in this hepatitis death. I LEGITIMATELY GOOGLED ‘DOES TEQUILA GIVE YOU HEPATITIS’ IMMEDIATELY. I DON’T THINK IT DOES?!?!?! THIS SHOW IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS AND YES I WILL CONTINUE WATCHING IT DESPITE THE TERRIBLE WIGS AND MY HATRED OF CHESS.

Episode 5: Fork

Beth returns to Kentucky IN THE RAIN BECAUSE TV AND MOVIE DEATHS ARE ALWAYS ACCOMPANIED BY RAIN. She is about to be super lonely in the house she know owns (according to a super sketchy international phone call with her adoptive father which will definitely not hold up in court) and then...she gets a call from Harry! WHO THE EFF IS HARRY! Again, luckily, there are only 5 chess guys who need to remember and he is one of them (he is the one she beat for the Kentucky chess whatever in episode 2). She invites him over because she’s lonely!

Harry is definitely the saddest of the weirdo chess dudes because apparently he’s been harboring a secret love of Beth (who at the time of their first meeting was like 13-15 depending on what timeline you’re going on and he was...20? OK GROSS BUT OK). BITCH EVEN GOT HIS WEIRD TEETH FIXED SO HE COULD BE LOVED BY BETH AND HER BENT ASS WIG AND SERIOUSLY NO THANK YOU HARRY. Regardless, Beth lets Harry have sex with her a few times and live rent-free in her house and ultimately Harry gets enough self confidence to leave this effed up living situation since he will never be one of Beth’s obsessions (which are still: chess, pills/alcohol, stealing shit). 

So Beth goes to Ohio for some other chess tournament and reunites with UGH Love Actually. At this point in the show, Beth starts wearing long scarves as headbands and her wig has never looked better because most of it is covered by the scarf. THANK GOD. So Love Actually totally chess hustles Beth for a lot of coin playing speed chess (DEAR GOD WHY HAVE I BEEN FORCED TO LEARN WHAT SPEED CHESS IS) but in the end, she still beats him for the chess title. EFF YOU, Love Actually! May I never see you again! OH SHIT HE JUST INVITED HER TO  NEW YORK TO TRAIN HER FOR THE PARIS CHESS THING DEAR GOD WHY IS THERE SO MUCH LOVE ACTUALLY IN THIS SHOW OK FINE I’LL STILL WATCH IT.

Episode 6 - Adjournment

Ok so Beth and her ok wig that is mainly covered by a scarf go to Love Actually’s apartment in NYC which IS AN UNDERGROUND BUNKER AND SHE HAS TO SLEEP ON A BLOW UP MATTRESS. Again and for the millionth time: Love Actually is the worst! Especially the worst because he introduces her to all these rando bohemians he knows, including some French bitch who will definitely eff everything up when Beth is already teetering on her pill/alcohol obsession and should probably not meet any other enablers. Somehow, he does get her to quit the pills/alcohol long enough to have sex with him (UGH).

And so we are in Paris, 1967. Where we started the show with Beth’s awful 60s flip! AND WE MEET ANOTHER PLOTHOLE. Only a week before this, Beth was in NYC with hair about 3″ shorter and still wearing scarves in her hair. WHAT IN THE VERY HELL, SHOW! I realize that this show has a very vague sense of time or how old Beth is or whatever but truly: NOPE. 

Anyway, it’s the night before the big match against Borgov and Beth is on her very best behavior when who should ring her up but that French bitch Love Actually introduced her to! She is downstairs at the hotel bar and just come down and have one drink and don’t ruin your entire chess career, mmmkay? THIS ENABLING BITCH!!!! NEVER TRUST ANYONE WITH THIS CRYING GAME WIG UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE A CRYING GAME. Of course, Beth goes downstairs, drinks every drink in the bar, has sex with some rando French dude and...wakes up in the icebath we see at the beginning of the show and sweatily plays Borgov in her wig that has never looked frizzier, loses, and is shamed from the entire chess community. Also Love Actually wants Beth to come back to NYC but NO THANK YOU TO YOU AND YOUR BUNKER OF ENABLERS.

Back in Kentucky, Beth....is shown learning how to flip her hair. WAIT WHAT SHE ALREADY HAD A FLIP HAIRSTYLE THE ENTIRE TIME IN PARIS WHAT KIND OF WIG GASLIGHTING ARE YOU PLAYING, SHOW?!?!?!??!?!?!!

UGH anyway, with THE EXACT SAME FLIP WIG AS WE’VE SEEN HER IN, Beth tries to be a responsible young person of indeterminate age who owns a house in Kentucky and not drink or take pills or steal shit. EXCEPT remember that time her adoptive dad said she could just have the house if she paid the mortgage? WELL BITCH SHOWS UP AND J’ACCUSES HER OF STEALING THE HOUSE FROM HIM. Which is hilarious because of all the things she stolen in this show, the house wasn’t one of them. In any case, she buys the house! And takes herself out to dinner! And has a drink! AND UH OH.

At this point the show just goes completely off the rails in addictive nonsense. Beth just goes around the house in her terrible flip wig applying makeup and barfing in to chess trophies. It’s every stereotypical drug/alcohol scene from every biopic ever except this chick doesn’t really exist and this show is wearing on my nerves and Beth has to stop making so many terrible live decisions and this wig has BETTER GET BETTER.

And then magically - Jolene shows up in the most fabulous afro wig!! WHAT! OK I WILL WATCH THE BITTER CONCLUSION OF THIS SERIES BECAUSE I LOVE JOLENE.

Episode 7: End Game

Jolene...Jolene....Jolene. Jolene. I love Jolene. I don’t love that this show uses her by making her be the “magical negro” trope who helps Beth get her life back together. Predictable nonsense! So yes, Jolene looks around Beth’s ramshackle drug den and tells her to get her life back together. AND THEN BETH DOES. No AA or rehab required! WHAT! I really appreciate that Jolene also compares her to Susan Hayward (star of Valley of the Dolls!) which is the sick burn/comparison I needed. 

The other reason Jolene showed up was to bring Beth to janitor Bill Camp’s funeral. At the funeral, which is very poorly attended, Beth reveals THAT SHE NEVER PAID BILL CAMP THAT $5 HE LENT HER (AND $10 SHE PROMISED HIM) AT THE BEGINNING OF HER CHESS CAREER. WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT. It is at this point that I fully decided that I wanted Beth to fail at everything because she is a garbage person who never gave propers to Bill Camp for changing her life for the better. THIS BITCH!! She even goes back to the orphanage where she discovers Bill Camp’s CHESS SHRINE DEVOTED TO HER! SHE FEELS LIKE SHIT AS WELL SHE SHOULD! I FULLY HATE HER!!!!

Jolene is much more forgiving of Beth than me and also introduces Beth to a new obsession: squash! Ok? It does allow Beth to wear a headband which is great wig-wise (in that it hides all the seamwork). Beth also turns down these Jesusy people who want to fund her chess trip to Russia and so Jolene GIVES HER $3,000 TO GO TO RUSSIA. IF THERE IS ANYTHING I’VE LEARNED IN THE LAST 5 MINUTES OF THIS SHOW IT IS THAT BETH WILL NOT PAY THAT MONEY BACK AND JOLENE PLEASE DO NOT!!!!

Jolene does. Beth goes to Russia which is straight out of every Bond movie and gets her shit together and wins a lot of damn chess. 

Though her midweight coat game rivals that of Nicole Kidman in The Undoing, her wig game ALSO RIVALS THAT OF NICOLE KIDMAN IN THE UNDOING IN THAT IT IS ALSO A RED NIGHTMARE WIG. This show spent so much goddamned money on clothes, sets, and CGI greenscreens of Mexico City AND YET NO MONEY FOR WIGS. BOO.

I did enjoy this one chess opponent’s walrus hair but otherwise, Beth’s flip wig has absolutely overstayed its welcome and is a compete and utter bent nightmare. Also! Remember that one hot chess dude? He shows up and helps Beth with Chess!! HUH?

Also every single weirdo in the chess community somehow form a chess calming circle in Love Actually’s bunker apartment and call Beth internationally to help her win against Borgov at chess! WHAT IN THE DAMN HELL? It is sweet I guess, but also makes ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING SENSE AS BETH WAS A TOTAL ASSHOLE TO ALL THESE PEOPLE AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE A PART OF THEIR WEIRD CHESS GANG.

Ultimately, Beth beats Borgov and wears THIS FUCKING HAT. I think we’re supposed to believe that she is now the white queen chess piece (I HATE THAT I NOW KNOW CHESS PIECES).

She is actually dressed in head to toe white and somehow convinces her American handler that she will just walk...to the airport? And despite being invited to the Johnson White House (girl go there!) would rather just wander the streets of Russia without any purse or luggage or way of getting home. THIS BITCH. She finds a new chess community of old men who play chess outside at folding tables and decides to join them WITHOUT GOING HOME TO PAY JOLENE ALL HER MONEY BACK WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY WHAT SHE SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT AND ALSO MAYBE SETTING UP A BILL CAMP CHESS FOUNDATION BECAUSE YOU NEVER PAID HIM BACK YOU PIECE OF SHIT. No, she is no longer addicted to pills, alcohol, or stealing but is absolutely addicted to chess on a level that is probably lethal. I spent the last moments of the show demanding that the Russian chess hobos murder her and her immaculate white outfit because BETH IS A SELFISH ASSHOLE AND ALL HER WIGS ARE GARBAGE LIKE HER!!!!

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

[queerbutstillhere]

12. We dated back in highschool then you moved away but now you're back in town.

(for @legitpumpkin an AU in which the Kent's and Wayne's live in the same neighborhood of whatever town you'd like to pick.)

"Hey, did you hear the news?"

Jon looked up, eyebrows knitted together, his tongue was poking out of his mouth from his hyper concentration.

"What?" He asked absently, looking away from his brother back to his laptop, returning to reading his article.

Kon said something about Tim and someone coming back.

"Cool," Jon responded in that same absent tone.

"Jon, you literally did not hear a word I just said did you?"

Jon just shook his head, quickly deleting and rewriting a section.

"Leave him alone, Kon, he has deadlines to meet," Chris inputted from where he was laying on the sofa beside Jon, at an awkward angle so his feet weren't on the younger man.

"Fine. Pardon me for trying to tell him that his former lover is back in town."

"What?" Jon asked, interest mildly peaked now.

"Damian's back home for the summer."

The rapid click-clacking of Jon's keys completely stopped, and he blinked at Kon.

"And Tim says he's thinking about moving back to the States completely."

"Oh-" Jon breathed out.

"You should go talk to him," Chris suggested, pushing at his knee.

"Yeah.... God it's been what, five, six years?"

"Six. Five, since you guys broke up."

Jon hummed, returning to clicking away at his computer.

"Are you still in love with him?" Chris asked, looking at his phone.

"I don't know? It's been five years, Chris, I haven't seen him except maybe in passing once or twice. We don't really talk except occasionally commenting on each other's social media posts."

"Who?"

They all looked up when Lois walked in.

"Damian. He's back home," Kon supplied.

"Oh! Yes. Bruce just invited us over for dinner, actually."

"He what?" All three boys exclaimed at once.

"Yup! At six, which means you three need to be showered and wearing nice clothes!"

"Oh yes, how dare we show up to our childhood best friends house in our jorts and tanktops."

"Kon, we all know Dick would absolutely destroy you for wearing jorts," Chris said with a snort. "I'll go take first shower since busy body over here is still working."

"Look! Once I get this article turned in, I'm officially on break, but this is a pretty big story so I need to make sure it's perfect before I send it to the editors," Jon defended himself to empty air, as Kon and Chris had both already left.

He sighed and returned to typing.

An hour later, everyone was clean and dressed and they all took the short walk down the block to the Wayne's house together. The Wayne residence was the largest, and loudest building in the neighborhood. There were always people coming and going, and always children around, despite the fact that none of Bruce's kids had their own families yet. They could hear yelling inside before they even got to the front door, and Jon smiled at the fond memories that hit him. Clark stepped up and knocked on the door, and within a minute, the door was yanked open by Dick Grayson.

"Hey guys!" He exclaimed with a bright grin, immediately hugging Clark, and then Lois, and then all three of the boys.

"Hello, Dick."

"Come on in! Dad and Alfie are just finishing dinner, I think the others got kicked into the living room at some point, they were being too noisy."

"Aren't they always?" Jon asked with a smile, his writers mind already crafting out how he would report on this evening.

"Hey, now, Jonno," Dick said with a laugh, having to reach up to ruffle Jon's hair. "Man I miss when you were only this tall."

He held a hand down by his waist, shaking his head at the 6"2" man and tsking.

"Anyway! Come on!"

"I'm gonna pop into the kitchen," Lois said, and disappeared. Clark hesitated before following.

The boys just followed Dick deeper into the house where yelling and barking was coming from the family room. They entered and discovered Cassandra and Jason wrestling on the floor. Tim and Damian sat on the furniture, and Ace running around barking in dismay.

"Guys!" Dick protested, crossing his arms.

Cass let go of Jason, who rolled to his feet, sticking his tongue out at her. She immediately blew a raspberry before flipping up.

"Kon!" Tim exclaimed, jumping out of his seat and running to hug his friend.

Jon however, had made eye contact with Damian. And hot. Damn. Jon met Damian when he was 10. He had seen Damian grow up, had personally witnessed the awkward teen years where Damian had been growing into his own body and face. Hell he had dated Damian through the tail end of it. He knew Damian was an attractive person - look at his parents, it was the only logical thing to happen - but he had some how gotten hotter???

Damian would be around twenty-six by now, he was tall, maybe not as tall as Jon, but he couldn't quite be certain from this distance. His face was angular and defined, not quite the sharp features of his father, but more delicate and feminine like Talia. Everything about him screamed neatness, from his trimmed eyebrows, and clean shaven face, to his carefully styled hair and clothing. His hair was a different style the Jon last remembered seeing, shaved short on the sides and longer in the back, styled in a quiff. He was wearing black jeans and a button down, and Jon could see a gold necklace hanging around his throat. His beautiful, full lips curled into a soft smile as he scanned over Jon, before lazily pushing up to his feet. Oh yeah, Jon was definitely still taller.

"Hello, Jonathan," he said with a sweet smile, walking over.

His legs were still long and lanky, and he still walked with an insane amount of grace, a habit he had picked up from when he used to do ballet.

"Hi," Jon breathed out, finding himself completely awestruck.

Damian walked right up to him, hugging him gently. Jon immediately hugged him back, noting that he smelled like vanilla and citrus, but not in a bad way.

"It's good to see you," Damian said softly. His accent had thickened significantly in the past few years, and damn that was hot too.

"Yeah, oh my God, it's been forever." Jon pulled back to look at Damian again, his hand lingering on his arm.

Damian smiled up at him, his green eyes flicking over Jon's face. "Five years, really. Not forever."

"Okay, no, but it is a long time. Where all have you been at?" Jon asked, letting Damian push him out of the room where their siblings were talking loudly.

"I've been all over. Finished my schooling in Switzerland, and then spent sometime traveling around Europe. Then I've been in the Middle East with mother for the past few years. I enjoyed the traveling, but I think I'm ready to be back home."

"Wow. You'll have to tell me all about it!" Jon said, eyes wide with amazement.

Damian chuckled, nodding. "I'm sure we'll have time. You're a journalist now, no?"

"Yeah! Just hit my one year mark with the company I work for right now," Jon said with a proud grin.

"That's good, do you enjoy it?"

"Oh yeah, it always keeps me on my toes. I very rarely get bored with it."

"Okay! Dinner is ready!"

Jon jolted with the suddenness of Bruce's yell. Damian chuckled, looking past Jon at Bruce who was waving them over.

Dinner was nice and loud and noisy and Jon was hit with this painful realization of "Holy Shit Maybe I Am Still In Love With Damian" and he desperately needed to tell his brothers this development, but he didn't know how to do it slyly. So he just sat there in gay turmoil for a whole hour of a dinner. Then, while the others were heading to the living room, Damian snagged his hand and pulled him to the front door, clipping a leash on Ace and then walking outside. Jon followed silently, curious what was going on.

"Do you remember when we used to just go on walks around the neighborhood?"

"I remember sneaking over to your house a couple times in the middle of the night just to go on those walks," Jon answered, watching Ace sniff a bush. "And I remember getting my ass whooped the week my mom found out."

"And yet you kept doing it all through highschool," Damian said with an amused glance towards him.

"What do you expect. I was young, dumb and in love."

Damian chuckled, glancing down the road before crossing it.

"So, fill me in on what you've been up too since I left for Switzerland."

"Oh. Nothing wild, finished college, got my major in journalism, and minor in psychology. Got my job the same month as graduation, moved out in August, and I've just kinda been focusing on work since."

Damian hummed. "You always have been a bit of a busybody."

"Hey!"

Damian just grinned and gently nudged Jon.

"So, shall I just ask the awkward question?"

"What awkward question."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Oh!" Jon felt his cheeks heat up and then he shrugged. "No, not right now. I dated a few guys in college, but not anyone for a while."

Damian hummed and nodded.

"Uh. What about you?"

"No. With all the traveling, and living in the Middle East..."

Jon nodded in understanding, pausing as Ace darted in front of him. Without thinking he took the leash from Damian and let Ace smell the along the other side of the sidewalk.

"So what are you going to be doing, now that you're back? Working for your dad?"

"No, probably not. I'm going to resume my modeling career, and I'll be working as a environmental ambassador, just little things like that."

"Oh, cool."

Damian hummed, putting his hands in his pockets. They crossed the street and started to head back home.

"So we're totally gonna start hanging out then, right?"

"Well of course, you're one of my best friends," Damian said with a smile.

"Even though I'm your ex?"

"Jon, dating you was some of the best years of my life."

"Oh," Jon said softly, feeling his face heat up.

Damian chuckled and shook his head, smiling at Jon fondly.

Oh yeah, Jon still had feelings for Damian.

Send me a prompt!

[moneypedia]

How to Defend Against False Accusations: A Personal Defense and 5 Guidelines to Protect The Truth

August 5, 2018 By Drew Shepherd

[Note: This post contains details about an undiagnosed case of borderline personality disorder (BPD). These details are included for informational purposes only, not to spread hate towards people with the illness.

If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with BPD, however, you may want to avoid this article.]

Guilty until proven innocent.

That’s the new norm these days.

Our current social climate has made it empowering to be a victim. And any abusers left standing must be exterminated—whether they’re guilty or not.

Please don’t think I’m downplaying the experience of actual victims though.

I know what it’s like to be among the lowest of society, and the struggle of real victims is part of the inspiration behind this site.

But the inconvenient truth is that all these “abusers” aren’t the monsters they’re made out to be.

Why do I say that you ask?

Because I’m one of them.

And this is my story.

The Accusation(s)

During my early twenties, I got involved with a girl who I later realized had borderline personality disorder (BPD).

I’ve already written about the experience and I’ve alluded to it multiple times since. So please read that article before this one if you haven’t already.

BPD is a serious mental illness, but most people have never heard of it, let alone know how to diagnose it.

If you’re not aware of how people with the disorder act, this post will come off as a rant against an innocent girl who liked me—which couldn’t be further from the truth.

But to summarize, the most notable symptom of BPD is the inability to regulate emotions. It’s a symptom so powerful that a sufferer’s feelings can define his or her reality. And this is what leads to many false accusations.

Manipulation, emotional abuse, cheating, promiscuity—she publicly accused me of all them.

It’s part of the process of “painting someone black.” The BPD person goes through cycles of both extreme love and hate for their loved one, but once the relationship ends, the other party is permanently devalued.

Of course this treatment is reserved for those in close relationships with the BPD sufferer. Outsiders will only see a victim pleading her case.

I’ve stayed quiet on these accusations so far since most of them don’t have any substance, but I unfortunately made one mistake that appears to give her claims some validity.

So I’m sure that she already has, or eventually will use this evidence against me. And if her false accusations were to gain traction, they would not only destroy my reputation, but also the legitimacy of the message I present on this site.

The latter is my primary reason for defense.

I’ve always said that the Bible is the basis for my moral judgment, and that couldn’t be more important than in sexual matters.

Now do I always control my lustful impulses and thoughts?

And do I always prevent myself from viewing images I shouldn’t see?

No.

I’m a Christian but I’m still a sinful human being. Controlling lust is part of the lifelong battle against sin in the Christian life.

But when it comes to things like fornication and adultery, I’ve held true to my stance on abstinence.

And as tough as it is to be a twenty-something with this stance in our sex-saturated world, it’s beyond frustrating to be accused of doing the complete opposite.

I’m an ambassador for what I believe. And I can’t allow anything on this site—faith-related or not—to be diminished because of one person’s claims.

So I’ll go into detail here about what really happened, and then I’ll show you how to defend against false accusations once and for all.

Drew “The Player”

I’ll preface my story with a little background information.

I was going into my last semester in college, and it had been about a year since I saw my accuser in person.

Things didn’t end well between me and her the last time we were “together.” But I was admittedly still interested in her—even with all the red flags.

It appeared that both of us were sad with the way the first go ‘round ended. So I foolishly tried to work something out with her before the semester started.

To my surprise, I was ignored and indirectly shot down.

How a normal girl would’ve reacted

It hurt pretty bad after putting myself out there for someone I thought still cared. But rejection is a part of life, so I moved on.

What’s crazy though, is that she changed her mind at some point afterwards. And even though I never got a direct response from her, she apparently assumed we were in a quasi-relationship.

Now fast forward to February.

It was the week of Valentine’s Day. And while I did still think of her, I wasn’t sending a Valentine’s Day anything to a girl who I didn’t trust, who now lived in a different state, and who couldn’t even respond to my direct communication.

The only reason I entertained the thought of us getting back together—if we were ever truly together in the first place—was because she hoovered me back in.

Hoovering is a term that describes actions similar to what its namesake, the Hoover vacuum does.

It’s a tactic people with personality disorders subconsciously use to suck loved ones back in after a failed relationship.

In this case, she used one of the social media apps we both had to convince me that she was open to a renewed relationship, and that she had changed for the better.

But at this point, I was just focused on schoolwork because I had no clue what this girl was thinking.

I had a senior project for an external company that took most of my time that semester.

My project group and I met just about every weekday. And at the time, we were all trying to meet a deadline coming up the next week.

The day after Valentine’s Day, one of my teammates mentioned that we should go play trivia at a local bar. But being the introverted party-pooper I am, I declined.

My schedule involved waking at around 5:30 each day. My teammates were always out too late for my liking, and I knew I’d never make it back in time to get enough sleep if I went.

So I gave the whole, “Thanks, but no thanks” spiel even though I knew they wouldn’t let me off that easy.

Our team was a pretty tight group—especially for four people who were assigned to each other at random.

We had a ton of inside jokes by the end of the semester. And they were the first to tease me at graduation because my honor stole nearly fell as I walked across the stage.

So naturally, they all had a good laugh at me for not wanting to miss my bedtime.

Of course it was all playful fun though. I did get back at them numerous times over the semester, but I’ll admit that I have an off-kilter personality that lends itself to being teased.

So anyway, we went our separate ways and I headed to bed.

The next day, I saw an email from the night before saying that I was invited to a school-specific social app. I didn’t see the email until the early morning though because I went to bed early.

I had never heard of the app before and I was skeptical. So my first thought after waking and reading the email was, “What the heck is (app name here)?”

My second thought was, “Who’s the funny guy who sent this?”

Now I knew it was someone who previously had my email address.

Of course any student could have pulled that info from the school’s directory, but I doubt anyone would have gone through the trouble of searching their class roster, finding me, and then using my email address for the sake of hitting me up on an app.

So it had to be someone with whom I worked with closely or had a personal relationship with.

With these facts in mind, I falsely concluded that it was a prank from my teammate that the rest of the group was in on.

They had just gone out together the night before. And they always found a way to mess with me—even when I wasn’t around.

So just like any other time I felt I was being pranked, manipulated, or taken advantage of, I played along with the hope that the other party wouldn’t realize until it was too late (and this has been my M.O. since I was a kid).

But doing this, in hindsight, was a terrible idea.

Any form of participation on what I later realized was a hookup app would paint me in a bad light. And the consequences of my actions weren’t as clear at 5:30 in the morning.

After I made a quick profile—complete with pictures no man would ever use if he was truly seeking casual sex—I waited about 15 minutes for a response that never came.

Then after realizing how bad my actions could appear without context, I quickly deleted the app and went on with my day.

I’m not sure if I completely wiped the profile I created. But since the app was lesser-known and low key about its hookup aspect—it’s not like I signed on to Tinder—I figured this wouldn’t be a problem.

Outside of my own actions with the invite and the app though, I don’t know anything else. But there’s a chance that a troll profile made 10 minutes after I woke could end up biting me. And that’s why I’ve chosen to address it.

Now, I’m almost certain this invite was from my accuser. And I still kick myself for not recognizing the true source of the bait.

My actions gave her the apparent confirmation that I was “playing the field.” And within the week, she either started, or just made it obvious that she was sleeping with another guy to spite me—a wild and disproportionate response to the thought that your S.O. may be seeing someone else.

So once I confirmed that this actually happened, I ghosted her and all her drama, focused on my schoolwork (which led to my first 4.0), and then went along with my life.

People with BPD are notorious for doing stuff like this. It’s the reason why a popular book covering the illness is called Stop Walking On Eggshells (affiliate link):

They’ll cry about a lack of communication but then ignore you when you reach out to them.

They’ll go on about how lonely they are while sleeping with one of their (or even your) “friends” behind your back.

They’ll say you’re too stupid to complete a task but discredit you when you do it, and then raise the bar higher so you won’t reach the new mark.

After a while you won’t know what to do because she’ll never be satisfied. And everyone else will chalk it up to you not knowing how to treat a woman.

No-win situations and constant testing are common to those in relationships with these people—especially in regards to anything sexual. So I presume the invite was a test to see if I was some dirtbag who would cheat on his partner.

Now I’d hesitate to call it cheating either way since she ignored my attempts to directly communicate, and I had no idea what our relationship status was.

But the other “fact” she gathered was that I was a player who enjoyed casual sex (an assumption that would have driven a younger me mad with laughter).

Look, I understand that I don’t have a squeaky-clean Christian boy appearance—going through trials doesn’t purify the outside after all.

But that doesn’t mean I partake in the same activities those who look like me may be into. And it for sure doesn’t mean that my moral character is anything different than what I present on this site.

Of course it doesn’t help that I’m black either…but I won’t go down that road.

I should also note that I don’t have a personal Facebook or Instagram account. So it’s tough for others to know much about my life unless they read this site or talk to me or my loved ones personally.

This blank space makes me an easy target for accusations since I can be unknowingly attacked through mediums where I can’t defend myself. And there are no videos of me playing with my dog to fill the holes left by my “shady” lifestyle.

Usually this isn’t a problem as most of the people I meet don’t care about my online presence. But of course there’s always one person who assumes the worst case scenario. And it’s sad that in my case, this person was someone I genuinely liked before.

These obsessive behaviors were nothing new though:

This same girl cried sobbed in the middle of one of our classes—when we were both in our twenties mind you—because I didn’t initially return her interest.

She would go from spaced-out to depressed and then stare at me like it was my fault.

She even accused me of cheating after seeing a pic my mom took of me when I was at dinner with my family.

So you can imagine the relief I felt when I closed the door on that for good.

At this point, the only ones who still believe her lies—or to be fair to the illness she has, her reality—are people I’ve never met.

But I’m not even mad anymore. I’m just annoyed that my life is still negatively affected because I fell for the wrong girl.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the honest truth.

How to Craft Your Defense

So now that my story’s out of the way, how do you fight your own false accusations?

It’s not too difficult.

Just follow these 5 guidelines to protect yourself in both the present, and the future:

1) Remember the Alibi

As tempting as it is to piece together a story that makes you look like a saint, you have to ensure the truth you present is actually…well, true.

Since I couldn’t remember all this off the top of my head, I dug through my old emails and group conversations to get the timeline right. And I could always use them again if legal action was involved.

It also helps that I have an archive of posts here that clearly present my personality and the mistakes I’ve made.

You can even compare this post to the one I wrote on BPD earlier and you’ll see numerous similarities. If anyone thought I was lying, they could search the other 40+ posts here too to see that the story adds up.

But if you don’t have thousands of words as supporting evidence, just take your time, breathe, and write down what happened as best as you remember.

False accusations can cloud your memory when you first hear them, and your emotions will push for a raw defense. But if you start writing what you remember, you can put that passion to good use now, and update your writing later with more facts.

A story set in writing will be a great resource to have. You don’t want to lean on your memory or your speech when the pressure’s on.

If you write down what happened, you’ll also find other bits of evidence you’ll need to prepare your defense. And if your audience is really concerned with the truth, they’ll take all the info they can get.

2) Compare the Fruit

Perhaps the easiest way to expose the shakiness of false accusations is to note the shakiness of the accuser’s lifestyle.

This is by far my least favorite technique though since it appears to be an attack on character instead of the accusation itself. But understand that those two targets aren’t mutually exclusive.

A person who usually acts one way is almost certain to do it again.

And no, that fact isn’t judgmental. It’s simple probability.

This is going to sound like I’m bragging about my accomplishments and attacking her character, but let’s compare some notable points about my life and my accuser’s:

I improved to at least a 3.5 GPA in my last four college semesters within a STEM major. But I’ll admit my accuser was booksmart, so we’re pretty much even there.

I have never gotten blacked-out drunk (or even consumed alcohol). I have never taken an illegal substance. And I have never lived a promiscuous lifestyle. My accuser has done, and probably still does, all three.

I landed a stable job in my field more than a month before I graduated, and I’m still employed there today. My accuser barely held a job as a bar server about a year after graduating with the same degree.

Again, I don’t like expressing my achievements, and I never want to attack anyone’s character. We all make mistakes, and I made one of the biggest mistakes any student ever will (which she contributed to by the way).

But when someone’s lifestyle displays a clear pattern of incompetence, recklessness, and mental instability, the validity of their claims also takes a hit.

And that’s without mentioning that I’ve written the equivalent of a book here at HFE—a site where I cover my own shortcomings just as much, if not more than my accomplishments—on my own time and dollar because I believe it will help others.

So knowing all this, let me ask you, who do you think is telling the truth?

A tree’s fruit always gives it away.

Know who you are and know who you’re dealing with so any other lies are dismissed as the jokes they are.

3) Change “I” to “We”

The most unfortunate thing about false accusations is that no one’s waiting to hear a verdict.

As soon as those words leave your accuser’s mouth, you will be facing much more than one person.

Friends, family, social circles, even whole communities may turn against you.

And what began as a defense against one liar becomes a battle against an entire army.

So what do you do when this multitude of warriors stands against you?

It’s simple.

You gather the troops.

Find people who can vouch for your story. Get help from friends who aren’t blinded by the lies. Ask people who were neutral bystanders to explain what happened since they’re not biased.

I know I can get anyone from former classmates, friends, and family members to acknowledge the truth of my claims.

And since I know the mental issues my accuser deals with, I can also refer to a psychologist or another mental health resource.

An understanding of my accuser’s mind is one of the best counters to her claims. Yes, she acts in unstable ways, but they’re predictably unstable, and numerous people have experience with the problem I have now.

You shouldn’t be afraid to get professional help either.

Lawyer up if it’s serious enough.

Slander and libel are legit crimes. And if you can prove that your life is heavily impacted, especially financially, you may have a case.

So don’t go at this alone. You can bet your accuser isn’t.

4) Go One and Done

The biggest mistake people make when presenting any argument, defense, or reasoning is that they over-explain themselves.

Sure, you want to be as thorough as possible in your explanation, and you should reference points of that original argument to answer questions. But there’s no need to add to your stance or sate a mind that will never believe you.

If you’ve taken the necessary steps to present and defend the truth, you have to live with the results.

Learn to be comfortable with the fact that everyone won’t like, listen to, or believe you. Because the more you add to your original defense, the weaker it will appear.

You’ll also introduce more room for error. And it would be a shame for a memory lapse to cause an otherwise solid defense to fail.

Remember that it’s only your job to present the truth. Not to make others believe it.

I’m confident that my defense removes any ammo my accuser has left. So now the only claims she can bring against me are accusations of neglect—which don’t matter since I’m not her parent—or causing hurt feelings—which isn’t a crime in America yet.

I presented the truth one time, and now there’s no need to address her claims again.

Every accusation doesn’t deserve a response. So stay true to what really happened, and let people think what they want afterwards.

5) Don’t Even Fake It

These accusations have made me realize the importance of the Bible’s command to, “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (1 Thessalonians 5:22 KJV)

It’s not enough to just avoid evil acts. You have to avoid situations where you could possibly do them too.

For instance, plenty articles on false accusations describe how to protect yourself against false rape claims. But if someone can accuse you of something like rape without an obvious fabrication, you are in over your head.

You can’t reach the point where a verdict is decided by a “yes” or “no.”

It’s one of the many reasons you shouldn’t sleep around in the first place. You are putting your life in the hands of someone who could easily change their mind in the morning. And you have to stay out of that gray area.

Remember to guard your character at all times. You never know when you’ll need to fall back on your integrity.

For example, I remember one conversation I had with a friend a few years back, and my accuser happened to be in the room.

My friend noticed that I received a few glances of interest from girls. So out of the blue he asked, “Drew, how many girls do you get?”

He chuckled while asking the question, so of course it wasn’t anything serious. He didn’t ask about anything explicitly sexual either.

So being the joker I am, I said something along the lines of, “I don’t know. I lost count.”

Then the both of us laughed it off.

But there’s a chance my accuser heard those words and immediately assumed the worst.

It would have been ridiculous to say something like:

“I’m sorry sir, but I am a Bible-believing man of God who has accepted the challenge to live righteously. How dare you imply that I live such a heinous lifestyle?!”

So I had a quick laugh and moved off the subject.

But even this could have added to her claims. So now I try not to even joke about stuff like that—at least not when I’m around people who barely know me.

You should do the same. But don’t limit your efforts to watching your tongue:

Always dress in a respectable manner.

Avoid the crazy nighttime venues—they’re magnets for people like my accuser.

And please don’t go to a hotel room belonging to a member of the opposite sex.

Presentation always matters.

Avoid the appearance of evil, and it’ll be impossible to even accuse you.

Grant Me That Chance

I’ve had enough headaches from my past relationship, and I’d rather not think about it anymore.

But it was important to defend myself here before any other false info leaked.

I hope none of it came across as too aggressive though. I wrote all of this to clear my name, not to get revenge.

From all I’ve seen, read, and now experienced, real victims don’t go out of their way to destroy their abuser’s life. They just want justice and a chance to finally move on.

So if anything else comes up about this, please remember this point and grant me that chance.

Contrary to what some people think, I don’t hate my accuser, and I hope she’s able to turn her life around.

If there was a normal version of her who didn’t have what she had, I’d love to meet her. But the ship has sailed on anything between me and the real her.

All I want now is peace and the freedom to live a good life. And I’m sure that’s all you want too.

So remember who you are, take a stand for the truth, and then defend it with your life.

And who knows? Someone else may come to your defense if you do.

-Drew