#anyway love him nom the less

[celestial-mutt]

Giys my boyfriend smwlls sk good yall dont even get ittttt

[the-irrelevant-trumpeter]

sarah goldberg not getting an emmy nomination is going to be my joker moment

[redfoxwritesstuff]

A Misdemeanor Of The Heart: Chapter 37 (Human Alastor x Married Reader)

AN: DId everyone have a good Valentine's day that celebrated? And a good week? Feeling nice and cozy? Ready to be home from our beach vacation? Good....

CW: Laurence, sexual assault, marital rape, Alastor being a unhinged murder baby, suggestions of people nomming

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“Where’d you get that dress?” Laurence hissed over your shoulder as you lifted your bag into the car. 

“Ma- Mother got it for me,” you corrected yourself. Speak properly, you’re in public and heaven forbid your words appear to be anything less than chipper. You tried to look him in the eye while you straightened again, but it was hard. It felt like Laurence was looking into your soul when your eyes met. Would he see your guilt? The weight of your sins on your heart?

“Did she now?” Laurence asked after a pause. “How generous of her.” 

“It was,” you agreed. “I’m rather fond of it, too.” You made a show of turning this way and that to show it off, just as a woman would in a happy marriage. 

Laurence only looked on wordlessly as he opened the car door, face still as stone. There was something in his eyes, in his face, you didn’t like. You almost asked him if he was alright, if something happened before you swallowed your fear induced curiosity. 

Instead of asking, you tried to smile and ignore it. If you worried, if you looked like you saw, it would only make things worse for you. All it would do was make you look like there was a reason for you to notice. The last thing Alastor needed was for you to act guilty. 

“How was your sister’s?” Laurence asked, sitting behind the wheel for a moment before starting the car. 

“It was lovely.” You fueled the smile on your face with memories of the sandcastle that hardly looked like a castle. 

“And the birth went well?” Laurence asked, eyes focused on the view out the back window while backing out of the parking space. You kept your eyes trained on the world passing by, searching for one face, one car that would make everything alright.

For a moment, a flash, a blink, you saw him. Alastor stood tucked close to the pillar and hidden from sight, watching you. Did he see you looking at him? 

You wanted to wave to him, to say some sort of goodbye, but you couldn’t. He couldn’t either. All you could do is trust him and hope that he saw you longing to be by his side. 

“Something wrong?” Laurence asked, “Did you leave something behind?”

“No,” you lied, knowing full well you had left behind your heart. It wasn’t like you could go back and get it, anyway. It would be impossible for you to go back and collect it. It was his forever. 

“And how was your weekend away?” Mimzy asked, sliding a glass to Alastor across the empty bar. She was closed, still prepping for the night, but that never stopped Alastor from making himself right at home. 

“It was wonderful,” Alastor said, smile spreading wider as he swirled the amber liquid in his cup. 

“Oh, Al.” Mimzy sighed, leaning on her elbow as she looked over the bar at him. “You’ve got it bad for her.” 

“I do,” he admitted. “I’m addicted to her.” 

“Be careful,” she reached out, wrapping her hand around his much larger one. “I wish I could tell ya that this’ll work out and you’ll get your girl, but Al, this is doomed. Don’t let it doom you. Keep your head about you, if you’re going to run around with her.” 

“I’ve got it under control.” 

You tried not to notice the dust clinging to railings and tables as you walked through the living room. There were footprints on the floors, marks left by someone walking shoeless through the house, the body’s natural oils leaving just the ghost of the step behind, illuminated by the sunlight. 

Laurence always told you it was proper to wear shoes in the house. You needed to be guest ready at all times. Even he kept himself to that standard. From the first day of your marriage, shoes were required if you were going beyond the bathroom. 

But there were footprints on the dusty floor. 

One set of footprints was smaller than the other. You had no children. Laurence had no sisters. There was no reason Laurence should walk shoeless through your house. There was no reason a woman should, either. 

He had brought her to your home. Hot, bitter something stabbed into your gut and chest. Why? Why did that hurt you? It shouldn’t. You told yourself that, blinking back tears. You had spent your weekend in the arms of another, so what if he did too?

The sound of your throat clearing awkwardly was loud in the silent house as you crossed to the stairs. The emotion locked in your throat made it feel dry and as dusty as your home.

Cold fear ran down your spine as Laurance loomed behind you. Your eyes struggled to leave those dainty footprints on the dusty floor. What a contrast it was to feel fear again after a weekend with nothing but the peace and warmth you had felt sheltered with Alastor. 

“Something wrong?” Laurance’s breath cascaded over your neck and shoulder, not bringing an ounce of comfort that came with Alastor’s breath doing the same. 

Your eyes remained locked on the footprints, far too dainty to have any chance of being yours. Had you ever actually been barefoot on this floor? Even once?

A painful lump burned in your throat and your eyes stung as you came to terms with the fact that he really had brought another woman into your home. It bothered you and worse still; the fact that it bothered you bothered you. 

There was nothing you wanted more than to run into Alastor’s arms, take shelter there and cry those bitter hot tears. He’d let you too, you knew that and oh, wasn’t that somehow worse still? 

The man you loved would hold you as you bitterly cried over the betrayal of another man. Surely it would hurt him to do so, not just to see your pain, but to know that you cared enough to be hurt. Would he still love you? 

The stairs creaked as your weight settled on each step. Mentally, you mapped those squeaky boards, as you did every time you climbed them, just in case there was a change. They creaked louder still under Laurance’s weight as he followed you up, presence suffocatingly close behind you. 

Had you always been this scared of him, or was it you had grown desensitized? Had Alastor spoiled you with his kindness, love and pleasure for so long that you’d forgotten how to live your life? Had a weekend truly been enough to grow accustomed to the safe shelter and happiness you found in Alastor’s arms?

Was the fear sharper now that time had ripped that all away? Was that why being in this house with him felt all the more terrifying? 

You’d grown complacent in your short time away and now utter terror at the prospect of your husband’s touch ran through your veins, sending your heart beating hard. Were your hands trembling? You didn’t dare hold them out to check. 

What would his touch bring you tonight? Had he sated his hunger, a hunger you had only begun to understand, with the owner of those tiny footprints? Was she the same woman from Mimzy’s? Or did he have other women? 

Would he still hunger for you tonight? Would he grip your arms too tight, pushing you to the bed? Would he rip your dress? 

Suddenly you regretted wearing it. You didn’t want to face the thought of it ripping, not the dress Alastor had gotten you. 

“I’m going to change out of this,” you said quickly, on impulse. “It ah- it smells like train.” It didn’t. It should have, but it didn’t because you had only spent an hour in the crammed car. 

Each step toward your wardrobe came faster than the last, though you tried to not let them be. You tried to pretend not to see Laurence’s eyes on you as you undid button after button.

You were, for the first time in days, acutely aware of the lingering ache in your side, left by ribs still healing even after weeks passed since their injury. It would ben weeks still until that pain stopped gripping you, if ever. The bruises were lighter now, shades of yellow hidden in your skin. 

You had been healing. Time with Alastor had been putting you back together again, a little bit at a time. Alastor’s voice smoothed over your worries. His touch healed bruising. 

As the fear rushed through your veins, the wrong pair of hands wrapped around your biceps from behind. You couldn’t help but question if it was worth it? Did the fear feel like this before? Or was it because you had gotten a poisoned taste of Alastor? 

Did it matter? 

Laurence pulled you to him. Each breath that washed over your neck made it harder to school your face. You knew how to do this, you’d done it time and time again. Go numb. Go still. Let it happen. 

So why was it so hard now? 

You knew why. You knew why a sob tried to fight from your throat as Laurance pushed your slip up your legs. You knew why the bed you didn’t remember landing on felt wrong. 

“Please, Laurance.” You couldn’t keep the whine from your voice. It felt like a lifetime ago when you had said something similar, whine and all to Alastor, and yet the meaning and desire between the two instances couldn’t be more different. “I just got home.” 

“I’ve been without my wife,” Laurance punctuated his words with the bullying press of his hips against you. How different he felt fighting his way inside you compared to Alastor’s fingers had. “A man has needs, and it’s his wife’s job to satisfy them.” 

It wasn’t like this with Alastor. That’s why it was so hard to lie there and submit.

Tears welled in your eyes as you took in the poorly made bed. Hairs of bright red, not your own, lay on your pillow. 

She had been here too; you realized as tears fell from your eyes. Laurence had taken her into your home. He had taken her in your marriage bed. 

Had he lain with her? Surely he had. Her hair was on your pillow. Did he make her feel good in the same ways Alastor made you feel good? Or was he not capable?

Each jarring shake of your body as he bullied into you made it harder to breathe. It felt like you were being ripped apart. Had it always felt this way? Hurt this bad?

The blanket was rough against your face as you sobbed into it silently. Your mind conjures up an image of Alastor, sitting on the villa bed naked as the day he had been born and yet so vulnerable, a desperate attempt to comfort yourself.

Alastor, the man who would never take you against your will. 

Alastor, the man who would always leave you an out, never demanding more from you than you could give. 

Alastor, who taught you that love didn’t hurt. 

You wanted to hate him for that. You wanted to push his face from your mind. You wanted to turn away from him. 

As Laurence worked through your body, using you to please himself in a process you understood better now than ever in your life, you longed for Alastor. 

You longed for his soft touches. 

You longed for his sweet kisses. 

You longed for the joy in his laugh. 

He was poison; you realized, but he was also the antidote to Laurance’s poison. You were addicted to his sweet taste and there was no going back. Alastor may be poison to your marriage, to your reputation and your standing. That was true. 

But he would never do this to you. 

Alastor felt like electricity was running through his veins. There had been only a few times he had felt as alive as he did right now. It concerned him slightly how many of them took place over the weekend but that was alright, he’d examine that later. 

There was a thump in the back of the car but Alastor paid it no mind. They’d be where they were going soon enough. It wasn’t like the man had the strength to do any damage to the trunk, anyway. 

It was better he wake up now and be feisty instead of Alastor having to wait for them to get his senses about him. The hunt would start sooner if he was awake. 

“We’re just about there, old chap.” Alastor interrupted his humming, though the man likely couldn’t hear him. That was alright, he didn’t need to hear Alastor. 

The car bumped and rocked, sometimes jumping over large roots. They were a good way out, but that was just how he wanted it, too. They had turned onto the back road that led out to into the bayou just past his home almost an hour ago and not stopped since. 

Alastor’s grin spread wider when he spotted the end of the road. The car speed up, earning muffled screams from the back and then, when he slammed on the brakes, a solid thump as the body flew into the back of the trunk. 

“Just making sure you’re awake,” Alastor said, laughing as he cut the engine. The car rocked with the shifting of his weight when he stepped out of the car. Turning, he leaned back in and grabbed the rifle from where it leaned into the passenger seat. 

The barrel of the gun rested against his shoulder as he carried it, whistling a jaunty tune all the while as he made his way to the back of his car. Each step was paired with a flick of his hand, spinning the keys around his finger only to slap the underside of his fingers with a jingle. Another whistled step and another jingle of the keys. 

The sound of the key slotting into the trunk lock was loud in the silence otherwise silence, only accompanied by the tune Alastor whistled. The man inside stilled, but Alastor could still hear his pathetic whimpering, muffled as he opened the latch. The smell of urine wafted up from the trunk as it opened. Alastor’s nose wrinkled at the smell. 

It was alright, that’s why he had the tarps lining the bottom. 

“You’ve made quite the mess in here, haven’t you, Mr. Montemuro?” The man’s wide eyes reflected the moonlight as he scooted away from Alastor. “Ah, where are my manners?” 

Alastor slipped a knife under the knotted cloth gag tied around the man’s head and pulled. The blade cut through the fabric easily. 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Moreau. I swear, let me go and no one has to know about this. I swear! I won’t say anything.” 

“You see,” Alastor hummed as he slipped the antler hilted knife back into the sheath at his waist, “Even if we just put this behind us, that wouldn’t do anything to bring them justice.” 

“Bring who?” The man asked, blubbering pleas spilling from his lips as Alastor wrapped his hand around the man’s thick bicep. He was hefty, needing to lie off the fatty meats and rich sauces but far from the picture of glutton. That’s why Alastor picked him for tonight. 

Not that he wasn’t slated to die at some point- he was on the list. Alastor wouldn’t look the other way, knowing how this man treated his wife. He spent more money on women of the night than he did putting food on the table for his wife and children. Men like him were a waste of air. 

The least he could do was make himself useful. Alastor hadn’t been to the butcher yet and what he had in his icebox had been tossed before he left town or it would have gone rancid and stank up the house. 

Meat was expensive and, after all the spending of the weekend, he would rather not take on the expense. Not that he couldn’t afford it. He could, and Laurence was due for a payment this week, anyway. It simply would have left his accounts lower than he would have liked. 

Oh well, he smiled wider as he helped the man find his feet. There were always other options. 

“Please, let me go.” The man’s incoherent pleas occasionally gave way to something that made sense. Alastor swallowed the urge to praise him for getting that much out. 

“I fully intend to.” Alastor said with a manic, inhumanly wide grin. “But that doesn’t mean there won’t be justice.” 

The ground was damp under his knee as he knelt to the side of the man, cutting the ropes that had bound the man’s legs. Crickets chirped around him, singing their songs. Alastor had learned early on not to be in front of or behind someone when doing this part. 

They would get a head start, but it was too risky to give that head start while he’s on his ass holding a bloodied nose. 

The man’s shoulder was sticky with sweat as Alastor turned him to face the swampy forest. One large step after the other took them closer to the forest’s edge. Adrenaline was coursing through Alastor now. Between the dangers of the bayou and the risk of a failed hunt, this was by far his favorite way to kill. 

“You know,” Alastor mused, “I have been feeling very wound up since I got back.” 

“Got back?” The man whimpered, trying to draw out the conversation. 

“I spent the weekend away with my girl,” Alastor chuckled, “She’s a lovely gal too. Had a great time. She accepts me, just as I am. Can you believe that?”

“She accepts this?” The man’s voice was thin with fear.

“Oh, this she doesn’t know about yet. But when she does, I’m sure she’ll accept it too. You see, our love is changing her. That’s what happens when you’re meant to be together and we’re clearly meant to be together.”

“You’re crazy.” Dirt and stones crunched under the man’s feet as he stumbled. 

“Ha! I am!” Alastor shoved the man forward as he laughed, “So you better run like your life depends on it.” 

The man wasted no time in doing as he was told, running clumsily through the brush, tripping over roots and stumbling. The man’s panting wails carried easily over the wet ground. Alastor’s laugh chased him, hot on his heels as if it was carried on the wings of some terrible demon. 

“Because it does!” Alastor finished as he watched the man disappear. That was alright, it wouldn’t take long at all to find him.

The trail was hardly a challenge to follow. Rippling waves in shallow water told a tale of where he had been and the splashing and screams told Alastor right were he was at any moment. 

This was Alastor’s territory. Glowing eyes watched on as he ran through the wet forest. He tried to avoid making more noise than he had to. It wasn’t always avoidable. His pray wasn’t going to hear him coming, anyway. Not over the sounds of his own wailing screams, at least. 

The man didn’t put up a good fight at all when Alastor descended on him. He had tripped and broken his ankle not even half an hour into the hunt. It dissapointed Alastor to have the challenge of the hunt cut short as he stalked through the darkness after the limping figure. 

The loud shot of his rifle echoed through the forest, sending sleeping birds in into sudden wakeful flight, filling the air with the sound of beating wings. The silence was quick to reclaim the night, echos dying as quickly as the shot had woken the animals. 

“Too bad, old chap.” Alastor said, kneeling to cut the clothing away from the man. “You didn’t make a very entertaining hunt in the slightest.” 

The body was heavy and awkward as Alastor drug it closer to the water’s edge. It wasn’t ideal. He’d have to be mindful of his surroundings and make quick work if he would not fall victim to a killer himself that night. 

Alastor used the cut shirt from the man to soak up water and wash the sweat and urine from the body. The work was meticulous. It was important to have a clean surface before he set on the next step. 

Once he was satisfied that the surface was clean if waste, he tossed the shirt into the water and followed by the pants. The soft hiss of his knife leaving the sheath was music to his ears. 

First, he pulled the carcass so that the head was hanging over the bank and the body on an incline. There was no reason to believe life still was present but Alastor slit the throat deeply anyway, allowing blood to pour out, aided by gravity. 

While he worked, Alastor hummed and thought of you. He wondered what your favorite cut of meat was. As he collected the rich roasts from the thigh, he wondered if you’d like similar cuts. Would you question the meats in his icebox? Would you question a taste different from you were used to? 

Would you accept this side of him? Alastor didn’t think you would, not right now, but in time? He just needed more time with you. You were meant to be his. 

Leaning back from his work, blood smeared and pooling around him in the darkness, Alastor couldn’t help but marvel at how his thoughts of you had changed over the time you had spent together. It happened as quickly as spring gave way to summer. 

How close he had come to not finding the one meant for him. And to think, he had considered sending you away once he had gotten you safe from Laurence, sending you away from what was where you belonged. 

Join us at VoxTek for a Vox themed Hazbin Discord where we talk Vox, Hazbin, writing, reading, art and who knows what else. You may even catch some exclusive sneak peeks at upcoming fics from some of your favorite writers including the first page of the next chapter of MisD a day early!!

Next?

[dystopyx-blog]

as a Floyd enjoyer

I do read a LOT of octotrio posts.

Like a lot

so, as a yandere writer

time for yandere octotrio headcanons!

a lot of this will probably tie in for my ideas for my self insert and yandere posts I’ve written in the past!

it’s hard to say who was interested in you first. Either Azul was interested and sent the tweels on you, or the tweels were interested in you and then got azul interested and then azul sent the tweels on you, all I can say for certain is that at some point, someone is interested, and you get the tweels sent on you.

So you got the tweels following you around now. The two have different ways of studying. Floyd, of course, is more hands on. Jade typically stays back, taking EXTENSIVE mental notes. He mostly only gets involved when he can tell Floyd is getting a bit too… much for any one person to handle.

of course, then you have to deal with TWO tweels, and idc who you are, dealing with BOTH of them is way more to handle than just one of them. Like, one tweel is like 100%, but when those fuckers are working together it’s like at least 110%.

but… you seem to handle them really well somehow??

so whether it was Azul who was interested first, or they were interested from the very start, safe to say they are VERY interested in you now.

The tweels, despite being chaotic neutral at best (chaotic evil at worst) are still pretty goddamn loyal to Azul. So they eagerly report back to him (either to convince him or further convince him, again, doesn’t matter)

then this is where it gets really fun (for me)

I love the octotrio, and what I especially love is the mix of platonic and romantic. Like, ofc Floyd and Jade are purely familial. But when it comes to their relationship with Azul, it’s the kind of platonic that so fucking seamlessly shifts into romantic that no one is sure when it turned, and also no one cares. The octotrio blend so fucking seamlessly with each other, that they could even be purely platonic with each other, it could be less romance and more family, but an outsider would never fucking know or understand that. THE OCTOTRIO RELATIONSHIP/S ARE SO FUCKIN NOM NOM NOM I’M DEVOURING IT —

Ahem

anyway

point is, whether octotrio is a romantic poly or just three really fucking close friends, they all look at you and go “that one, we want that one.” And they don’t even have to vocally announce they want to share you, it is understood. There is no “all in favor say aye,” after a few times of the tweels reporting back to Azul they’re just all agreed “yes, this one is ours now, we are taking them for the seafood polycule.”

calamari, unagi, and shrimp, yum yum

ANYWAY

Expect the tweels on yo ass even more than before. Not only that, but they are FULLY embracing their statuses as fucking terrifying menaces to keep all your icky clingy friends away

Suddenly they’re paying extra close attention to your flaws. All of which they find endlessly endearing, what they’re really looking for is a chance to snap.

an insecurity, a life ending mistake, anything to get a chance to whisper in your ear that you need special help. Or maybe they’ll even use the fact they’re living up to their name and stick to you like leeches to convince you you need to talk to Azul

maybe you’re strong, maybe you can’t be fully convinced. Maybe once they do bring you to Azul (trust me, they will) you decide “nope, I’m out.” Thing is though, once they get you there, it’s already decided. Azul will know exactly how to trap you, exactly what to do to get you to come back, or even better, stay.

if you’re in Yuu’s shoes, I imagine he’d be willing to let you AND Grim live in the lounge. To make it less suspicious, he’ll probably say you have to work, or that he gets to use Ramshackle. Something to make sure you’re not suspicious why he’s suddenly so hospitable. But really, ramshackle or service are not what he’s after. Obviously. No, he needs you there, with them.

I don’t even really have to get into what these guys do as yanderes, since most students are already pretty frightened by the tweels. And now that they have someone to ‘protect’? HO BOI, do they REALLY give the student body to fear.

and if they get past Jade and Floyd, then there’s Azul, who will bribe or blackmail until they leave their darling alone.

yeah, sorry to say, once they have you in their sights, it’s pm over for you.

Doesn’t matter who saw you first, cuz you were doomed from the start either way.

GENERAL OCTOTRIO + READER HEADCANONS ❤️

Pleeeasassse I cannot get the image of octotrio dog pile outta my headdd. Azul, Jade, and Floyd are CUDDLY MOTHERFUCKERS, you cannot convince me otherwise. And once they have you, you’re joining. Typically Jade and Floyd both spoon Azul (you can’t convince me otherwise (or maybe you can, let’s talk)), and you’ll likely be sandwiched between Azul and whichever tweel called dibs that night. Or, it’s the true dog pile, where limbs are kind just all over the place. There’s typically a tweel at the bottom (cuz big bois), and that tweel is typically Jade because Floyd insists on being on top, despite his height and weight. And adding you just makes the dog pile feel so much fuller ❤️ (and if you’re one of those people like me who falls asleep better with like weight on top of you… yeah, you are not gonna be awake long enough to protest)

it may take a while for Azul to get comfortable enough to go full octomer on you, especially if you’re a darling who runs away, but once he does trust you enough, he will. And like… come on, I think we as a fandom agree that octo Azul is beautiful/adorable, so of course you do not react negatively to it, even if you’re a stubborn darling.

maybe you’re speechless, and Azul gets flustered and wants to ZOOM back to the surface, but the tweels hold him back, and thank god they do, because even if you aren’t screaming “omg you’re so cute/pretty!!” like I would, you probably mutter it under your breath, just loud enough that he definitely hears (did you know sound moves faster in water?) and he is a blushing cephaloboy. (Bet you didn’t think I’d bring SCIENCE into this, HA)

Suddenly now they’re also snuggling you in the water in med form, because yes these boys cuddle in med form, and you’re one of them now. Can’t breathe in water? Silly, they got magic for that. You are not getting out of this seafood pancake 🫵🫵

you are going to have so many limbs all over you omg. The tweels are trying their damndest to wrap their eel tails around the both of you, and Azul is keeping all of y’all together with his arms

(here’s another science fact, octopus do not have tentacles, those are arms)

AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE BREE—

[lov3rachan]

Month-versary!

Summary: It was not supposed to be a big deal… it was just a month… So how did it turn out like this?

Pairing: 9th member AU, no pairing/ambiguous

Genre: fluff, gender neutral (you/your)

Warning: none

Word count: 773 words

Comment: If you know you know and I threw in lots of quotes. This is basically a self-indulgent tribute to a group of people that made my month and brighten my day daily with their messages! (Also, it’s late. The month-versart was on the 27th)

Requested by: no one

Written: 29.04.2025

Dedicated to: My JYPhamily ( @rayzyart , @skzdreamer13 , @intrikatie , @aneldrichentity , @fenyasnonsense , @blueohs , @umwaitwhatwhy

Taglist: lol I tagged already

Network: @supernovanetwork , @staynotes

It had barely been less than a year since you had joined Stray Kids and exactly one month since you’ve become part of their chaotic family.

It was wonderful, to be fair.

They were always there for you, day and night, and it was without a doubt the most unhinged group you had ever been in.

That day, you weirdly enough had no schedules planned so you were resting at the hotel, relaxing before the day after.

Was it 2 am? Yes, but what could you have done besides that, if sleep evaded you like a plague?

Before you could realise, your room’s door slammed open and a familiar figure threw itself on you, with a loud scream.

“HAPPY MONTHVERSARY!” shouted Changbin from atop you.

As you groaned and swore he broke at least a few ribs, you noticed Lee Know smirking above you.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” You whined with a glare.

With a small “maybe”, the dancer simply whipped out his phone to film you trying to push the clingy rapper off of you.

As Changbin finally got up from you, you saw the rest of the boys in your room with ice cream.

“We got ice cream!” Felix said excitedly, as Seungmin nodded along: “Ice cream makes everything better”.

Han joined in, wrapping his arms around Felix and Seungmin and eyeing the freezer bag: “What they said!”

While you were all eating, Hyunjin, without even thinking first, suddenly bit into your forearm and, for a few moments, you just stared into each other’s eyes, his teeth still delicately nomming on your skin.

When he got up, clearing his throat in embarrassment and mumbling: “If not supposed to bite, why sweet?”

Jeongin commented, hiding it with a few well-placed coughs that didn’t really hide anything: “Average Pabo behaviour in this family”.

Chan simply gave you a letter, a few paragraphs to thank you and, as touching as it was, you couldn’t help but laugh in his face when Lee Know chimed in with his own congratulations: “Welcome to the fam. And thank god, Chan is an adoptoholic!”

“I am not!” the leader defended himself.

“Are too! Old man, hehe” mocked him Seungmin, cackling teasingly.

And there they went, as the boys started listing off whatever was born after Chan.

Though the man tried to act annoyed, no amount of pouting could hide his smile.

Sure, they teased him a lot, but it didn’t mean that they didn’t love him and he fit in perfectly regardless of his age.

So he let them be… for now.

Throughout the whole celebration, Seungmin threatened to leave more times than you could count, fake whining about being teased left and right and claiming he was sleepy.

After the nth time, Chan laughed and commented: “At this point, Min’s signature move is saying he’ll leave and then showing up again repeatedly anyways!”.

As you looked around, you took in the sight.

Changbin and Felix were complimenting each other, simping like there was no tomorrow and just hyping each other up like a married couple, with the younger boy feeling the rapper’s muscles.

Lee Know was running after Hyunjin, apparently on a butt hunt of his own.

Jeongin, on the other hand, was trying to chase away Seungmin, jokingly standing in front of a wheezing-on-the-floor Chan with a hanger.

Behind the vocalist puppy, Jisung was just hyping them up.

“I’m so grateful for this… everything… meeting you all… I’m so glad this happened!” You replied, tearing up.

“Thank you so much!” You added, tears starting to roll off your cheeks.

With fake annoyance, Lee Know opened his arms to you and brought you in, clicking his tongue and replying: “Gosh, it’s almost like we love and care for you or something”.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve this!” you added in between sobs, wrapped in Minho’s arms.

“You exist, that’s all” Chan said, engulfing all of you in his arms and turning it into a sappy group hug.

After a bit, Seungmin whined from his spot, sandwiched between Chan and Han: “This is sappy. It’s going to destroy my fierce and scary reputation”.

Felix laughed, breaking the hug as you all exploded in laughter: “What reputation?”

“Can’t destroy something that isn’t there, Minnie” added Hyunjin.

Bonus scene

The day after, in the changing room, Jeongin suddenly got up, shouting an audible “Fuck!”.

As you all looked at him, waiting for context, he added: “I forgot to show you the random presentation I made you all with reasons why I love you!”.

“And that’s why we all share one braincell” dryly replied with a chuckle Lee Know.

Pics that should be appreciated and I found while looking for header pics:

Han’s outfit is lit

[nariism]

my brother's best friend

pair. miya osamu x gn!reader

content: fluff, attempts at humour, miya atsumu is a little shit, first loves, mutual pining

synopsis. miya osamu takes pride in the fact that he’s the smarter of the twins. he, in fact, is not (especially when it comes to you).

wc. 3.1k

a/n: om nom nom nom nom brother's best friend trope nom nom nom... ok i have to come clean about this fic i literally wrote the first draft for this in 2021 on WATTPAD and it's been sitting dormant forever up until recently. enjoy 🫶

‎oh my god, how did i end up here?

it’s the only thought repeating over and over again in osamu’s head as he sits there staring at you. you’re too preoccupied with the menu in your hands to notice his unwavering gaze, scanning through it and muttering to yourself indecisively about what to order.

of course, the question of how he ended up here on a date with you could be summarized in one simple sentence:

miya atsumu is the world’s biggest idiot.

if kita or aran were here they would surely be poking fun at him right now, lecturing him about how his dna is a perfect carbon copy of atsumu’s. and while they would be right, osamu is convinced his brother has at least 70% less brain cell capacity.

the thought makes him feel a little smug. (he’s in the class under atsumu.)

you were friends. at least as far as how often you saw each other, he considered you good friends. maybe. not that he knew all that much about you other than the fact that you were constantly... around. if he didn’t know that atsumu was the biggest knucklehead on planet earth, he would have assumed you were dating. but he knew his brother was too invested in volleyball to be seeing anyone seriously, and you didn’t didn’t seem like the type to mess around with guys like him anyways.

you were way too level-headed for that despite the raunchy, head-turning jokes you liked to tell, which honestly might be the reason why atsumu keeps you around.

whenever you came to their house, you would stick to lounging in atsumu’s room or the living room. you typically avoided disturbing osamu and the rest of their family — not like they minded having you around. no, in fact, their mother had a strange soft spot for you. you were quiet and well mannered, until it was just the three of you and suddenly an onslaught of fierce attacks on poor atsumu would commence.

for the majority of your friendship, you have stayed out of his way and he stays out of yours. you only talk to each other when deemed necessary, like when walking home from school or when you shyly greet him at the door because atsumu is on the toilet. he does, however, rejoice in the fact that there is another person on the atsumu hate train, and appreciates that you’re at least colourful with your insults. it’s impressive, really.

(he would never admit it. never. never ever. but it warms his heart a little that there’s someone out there just like him, expressing their love for miya atsumu in less conventional ways.)

you were quick witted and funny. a free source of entertainment when he would grow bored of his brother’s shenanigans. and it was a two way street, because when you needed a break from atsumu, osamu was always right there. 

you were noticeably gentler with the younger of the miya twins: asking him how school was, and if he needed help with his chemistry homework, and what he had for lunch. menial little things, but sometimes he found himself thinking that it was the highlight of his day.

otherwise, your presence in his life is, as osamu considers it, indifferent.

sure, he likes to look at you. and sometimes, maybe, he wishes you and atsumu would invite him around more often. it also doesn’t help his heart when you’re so nice to him, like when you’re all having dinner together and you pretend you don’t want the last dumpling on your plate and shovel it onto his. he likes that. or when you invite yourself into their freezer for ice cream, you always make sure to grab an extra one for him. there have been multiple occasions in which you’ve wordlessly slid him your notes to copy, too.

you were good at that; knowing what others wanted and being more selfless than the average person. you’re a people pleaser, and though he and atsumu used to make fun of your type when they were kids, your charm is undeniable.

unfortunately, actually making any sort of move on you is out of the question. not only would it potentially complicate things between you and him, it would also risk putting a strain on your friendship with atsumu. making his brother’s life a living hell is what miya osamu was born into this world to do, but for some reason his stomach turns at the thought of ruining your friendship.

you were just atsumu’s cute best friend. nothing less, nothing more. and he would very much like to beat the “i fell in love with my brother’s best friend” allegations, thank you.

he realizes he’s still looking at you intently with his arms crossed over his chest. he watches as your nose scrunches a little in thought, trying to decide between their two best sellers. he sighs in relief when you get up to order for yourself, tucking a stray hair under his cap before going back to sulking with his thoughts.

atsumu had a lot of bad ideas. so many that if they sat down and listed them all out they might be there for a couple days. but this? this is his worst one yet. and how osamu managed to get roped (bribed) into this, he will never know. but here he is, and here you are, and here atsumu is not.

he really should get better at saying no to atsumu.

(“c’mon, ‘samu! please? for me?!”

“what the hell? no. that’s a shitty thing to do. just tell them ya can’t go.”

“but it’s their birthday! they were lookin’ forward to this. they’ll hate me forever if i bailed!”

“and? why would i help you? ‘specially with somethin’ so stupid. it’s your fault you didn’t plan better.”

“don’t be like that, y’know it was a last minute thing!”

a beat of silence.

“pretty please? it’s their birthday… you guys are friends too, right?”

osamu can’t believe he’s entertaining this stupid idea for even a second. you’re not an idiot. you’d know it’s him with a single glance.

“this is an all time low, even for you. they’ll notice it’s me right away. are ya crazy, ‘tsumu? hit your head or somethin’?”

“it’s just this one time! i’ll never ask ya for anythin’ ever again. never ever ever ever, i swear it.”

“...’tsumu…”

“don’t sound so tired with me! do this for your big brother. have i mentioned it’s their birthday?”

big brother? osamu scoffs loudly.

“you actually mentioned it three times. and yer only a couple minutes older than me. but... fine.”

“don’t be such a jacka- wait, what?”

“i said fine. but you owe me lunch for the next two weeks.”

“deal!”

“... are ya sure they won’t know it’s me? i mean, i really think you should reconsider-”

“oh shut up, ‘samu, we’re identical!”

“just know that i won’t hesitate to throw ya under the bus if shit hits the fan.”)

what a terrible plan. pretending to be atsumu was proving to be harder than he initially anticipated. he would have thought that spending every agonizing, waking, living hour with his brother would have trained him well enough, but atsumu is so no-chill that it’s somehow making this already horrible idea even worse with every passing second.

surprisingly, you haven’t said anything. you haven’t acknowledged the massive elephant in the room. this could only mean one of three things:

1. you’ve noticed, but you’re desperately trying to spare atsumu’s feelings and osamu’s embarrassment by not bringing it up.

2. you’re dumber than he thought. dumber than a rock, actually, if you didn’t take one look at osamu and know it was him.

3. you are a cruel, wicked, evil, deranged human being who finds osamu’s situation entirely hilarious and wants this to go on for as long as possible.

judging by your casual banter, he’s willing to bet it’s either option one or two. you’re twirling a lanyard around your finger when you finally return with your drink of choice in tow. next destination: the local aquarium. atsumu put a surprising amount of effort into planning the day.

it’s a shame he hadn’t accounted for planning himself into it.

‎he shouldn’t have agreed to come here.

spending time alone with you like this was bound to stir up feelings he’d long ago buried in the hollows of his heart. of the miya twins, osamu was always better at keeping his emotions under wraps. there were rare occasions in which he lost his cool, in which he was actually somehow worse than atsumu, but in general he was as level-headed as you were.

you’re ruining him and his plans to never acknowledge his feelings for you.

it’s unfair, really, how his heart seemingly gets lodged in his throat when you cling to his arm so tightly, laughing and pointing out all the funny-looking fish. and when you point at something called a vampire squid, raving about how long it took you to find one in animal crossing, he nearly crumbles to his knees and puts his head in his hands.

(in other words, he’s totally whipped. he’s not beating those allegations.)

osamu thought he could get used to looking at anyone’s face. he always found people boring — he grew up being the other half of his brother, after all. the miya twins are many things, but boring is not one of them, and to entertain them you have to be someone with a special brand of humour.

but now, as he looks at you with the soft blue glow from the tank shining against your face, he can’t help the thought that crosses his mind:

i could never get tired of this.

“... hailing from the depths of tropical and subtropical waters, the vampire squid feeds on marine snow.”

he blinks back into reality, eyes drifting from you to the sea creature you’re admiring, then back to you. “marine snow? sounds gross.”

“it’s the debris that falls to the lower levels of the ocean. lots of deep sea creatures feed that way since it saves them the energy of needing to go hunt.”

osamu seems skeptical. “they really just eat anythin’ like that?”

your head turns to look at him. there’s a little smile playing on your face, like you seem amused by what he just said. “sounds like someone i know.”

he makes a strange expression in response. were you talking about him? did you often bring him up when you were alone with atsumu? the soft and fond look in your eyes doesn’t help his racing heart. the idea that you and atsumu talk about him in private so sweetly makes his face burn slightly in embarrassment.

he shakes his head to get the thought out of his brain before stuffing his hands into his pockets.

your arm finds his again, locking together. it’s an oddly intimate action, even if you think he really is atsumu. he doesn’t know you to be the most touchy person on earth, though he supposes he can’t see what you’re like behind the closed doors of his brother’s bedroom. his blood boils for some reason.

you stop at the next tank, the one situated in the centre of the room filled high with kelp and schools of tiny fish. you’re looking at them with wide eyes, light shimmering in them. he could cry right now. you look like an angel bathed in the shadows of dancing fish as your gaze carefully follows a school circling around the top of the aquarium.

there’s a feeling swimming inside of him, unfamiliar and oh so dreadful. he can feel it in raging in every part of him — in his heart, in the fiery pits of his stomach, in his throat — and he knows exactly which word comes to mind.

miya osamu may be in the lowest class in his year, and he might share a single brain cell with his brother, but he’s read enough books to describe this feeling. he’s listened to enough love songs to know this ache in him.

if you asked him ten years from now, he’d tell you exactly the same thing as he would right now; that your first love is always petrifying.

“pretty, aren’t they?”

“yeah. real pretty.”

but he hasn’t looked at them even once. how could he when there’s a living, breathing angel standing next to him?

‎osamu delivers you to your doorstep that night.

it feels like a dream, the whole day and having the privilege of holding your hand and feeling your body against his.

maybe it was just the greedy monster in him speaking. the laws of the universe dictate that if it’s you and osamu, atsumu needs to be there, too. the miya twins have always come in a package. a duo. there is no just atsumu or just osamu, at least there wasn’t until you came along.

suddenly it was you and atsumu. it was atsumu and osamu, and you. but there was never just you and osamu. it didn’t work that way.

well, screw the universe and its laws. osamu never believed in that astrology shit anyways.

he’s fully prepared to keep this day an untarnished memory — something to cherish when life goes back to normal and he’s unable to stand shoulder to shoulder like this with you again.

when you lean in to kiss him, there is only one thought repeating in his mind like a mantra:

it’s just once. just one day. one last perfect memory.

you’re so close that he can feel your breath filling his lungs. his heart hammers where it rests in his chest, so loud that he can hear it thundering in his ears. it’s then that he realizes this is wrong. all of it is wrong.

he recoils back with lightning speed, and his heart aches at the sight of your disappointed and puzzled expression. but it’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to atsumu either.

he cares about both of you too much to be selfish right now.

how could he possibly risk hurting two of the people he cared most about in the world? he couldn’t be that self-centred, to be able to steal a kiss from you just to keep his memories of this day perfect.

perfect doesn’t exist if none of it is real.

“i’m not… i’m not who you think i am.”

he slides the hat off his head with shame burning in his cheeks, avoiding your eyes like a child who got caught with his hand in a cookie jar. it was time for him to be honest, both with you and himself.

“look, yer really cool. and i– crap, it’s complicated, ‘kay? i might like you. like– like you, like you. i wasn’t thinkin’ straight. 'm really sorry, i know it was wrong to string you along, i was just havin’ so much fun today that–”

his mouth suddenly comes to a halt as you reach forward and capture his cheeks between your fingers, squishing them together so he’ll stop rambling.

you look at him with a confused but amused smile. “um, ‘samu? i like you, too.”

“what?” he sputters out as much as he can with his face still held in place. his brows furrow, but all rational thoughts have stopped flowing in his mind. he’s staring at you like a flabbergasted idiot, so you continue.

“why else would i agree to go on a date with you on my birthday?”

“but– i– huh?”

your head tilts. “this was a date, wasn’t it?”

it dawns on him then. it had never occurred to osamu that there was another explanation for your strange lack of acknowledgment that he is painfully easy to see through:

4. you like him and simply thought this was a date. you like him as much as he likes you, which is a stupid amount. after all, he likes you enough to go through with an infinite number of atsumu’s terrible ideas just to make you happy.

of course you weren’t that dense. of course he was found out the second you laid eyes on him. of course he had misread the entire situation because he was blinded by his brother’s boisterous claims that they were indistinguishable.

“this is ridiculous. i can’t believe you–… atsumu somehow always pulls through even when he doesn’t mean to.”

“what do you mean?”

“whadd’ya mean, what do i mean?”

“about atsumu?”

“oh, he was freakin’ out about missin’ today and wanted me to go through this whole thing pretendin' i’m him so ya wouldn’t be mad at him.”

“but he already told me he couldn’t make it today? you really didn’t have to do… all this,” you gesture to his whole body with a flick of your wrist.

at your words osamu finally crumbles to his knees in pure agony. he looks up to the sky, to whatever god has forsaken him by making atsumu his other half, and sighs with the weight of the world on his shoulders. he can just imagine the shit-eating grin his brother has right now.

“i’m…” he pauses, carefully selecting his next words, “going to smother him with a pillow.”

you blink at him for a moment before all the pieces fall into place.

all the times you’d gushed to atsumu about your massive crush on his twin and the way he’d complain to no end about neither of you making a move, forcing him to watch on with mild disgust as his best friend and brother made goo goo eyes at each other. all the times he would “forget” his shoes at the gym and need to run back to grab them, pushing you into small talk with osamu. all the times he would suffer through your teasing just to see the two of you walking side-by-side sharing proud little smiles.

atsumu’s resume looks something like this: world’s biggest idiot, volleyball player, third-wheel, and tired wingman.

you’ll have to thank him later.

“no wonder you’ve been acting so weird all day! i thought you were just one of those guys who gets nervous on first dates!” accompanied by this statement is a laugh that makes osamu weak.

he grumbles. “what’s so funny?”

“say what you want, but you’re as dumb as ‘tsumu.”

“no… please… don’t compare me to that nitwit… i might have a heart attack at this rate.”

you snicker quietly as you help osamu back onto his feet, eyes shimmering with joy as you let his confession sink in.

“you’re right, he is an idiot.”

“dumbass.”

“moron.”

“he’s gonna hate us even more from now on,” osamu smiles uncontrollably, inching closer to you again.

“yeah?” your lips brush against his daringly, “i can live with that.”

EXTRA:

© ALABOADOA 2023 — please do not translate or post my works to other platforms.

🏷️ @hyomagiri (im dead like actually dead)

[charmercharm3r]

head empty just lee know and how built he’s been looking i want to bite him so badly can we pls get a hard thought ab biting him and how he reacts

ur not alone he’s so nom-able. also apologies, i couldn’t help this being as fluffy as it is tbh

Masterlist

short answer is that he likes being bitten.

but i think he prefers it in a less sexual aspect, i’ll answer it anyways cus i still love this.

he actually adores it. minho takes it as a sign that you care about him cus cute aggression is very very real and contagious.

he’ll pretend it hurts, obviously cus it’s minho and he lives to tease. but will vengefully (and lovingly) bite you back depending on how hard and where you did it to him first.

if you bite him on the shoulder, he’ll go for your bicep. get him on the bicep and he attacks your neck. biting his belly is off limits! he leaves teeth marks on your ass cheeks as punishment (but it was on purpose). bite his neck and he shivers and asks you to do it again.

also likes seeing himself covered in your teeth prints. is very tempted to get something creatively and inconspicuously tattoo’d in a shape that may or may not be similar to your bite marks.

takes lots of sexy mirror pictures with your back to it as you’re devouring another sample of his skin, while other times he takes 0.5 lens pics of you and calls you a titan (get the aot reference).

overall, likes it and will do it back because his cute aggression also goes from 0-100

[whysojiminimnida]

Remember When I Said Taehyung Might Not Be As Gay As We Thought?

Don't judge a man by his milfy wardrobe, he looks goooood.

It was... awhile ago. Maybe as far back as 2021 although I do not feel like link-searching it. It's in the archives if I didn't kill it.

Granted, there was a lot going on, then. There's still a lot going on and until now I had no desire to ever - EVER - return to this hellsite. Because Taekookers are fucking weird, yo. And some of y'all got a lil bit up in my shit too as I (fuzzily) recall. Which: it's whatever. I'm extremely unsocial, don't even answer my own DMs. And it's not personal, so I get it. I don't need or want to defend myself, but I will protect people I care about. With my absence, if necessary.

OT: I also totally kicked the big C while I've been out so that was nice. Yoongi the cat is pleased that his noms will continue uninterrupted. I will be in wigs for at least another year. It's all good. Oh LOOK at what we have here. Don't come at me for publishing this, I will explain.

I got it from actual media days ago, okay, and also: there was no expectation of real privacy. Keep reading. Or don't, I'm not telling you what to do.

ANYWAY. I had to come back, mainly to say TAENNIE IS REAL I TOLD Y'ALL IDK WHY NOBODY EVER BELIEVES ME BUT HERE WE ARE. I'm gloating. Honestly, it's so rude, I'd apologize if I cared. But I am rude and snorfling into my cheerios about this. Tae just made me so damn happy, is all.

LET THE MAN BE BI OR HETEROFLEXIBLE OR EVEN STRAIGHT IDC. Jennie clearly makes him happy. Look at his "I'm going to Paris to see my girlfriend" face!

And in that very specific jewelry look, no less. Foundrae. Again. Still. Hm.

Here's what I can tell you based on my limited third hand no sources no receipts this is probably utter bullshit usual disclaimer: It's a soft open, kids. This whole "oopsie we just so happened to get caught taking a lil walk in public with our managers in tow during which date at least one of us signed several autographs, what a surprise" is in fact a soft open for what will likely be a public confirmation PRETTY DAMN SOON. It might happen before I get this thing published, actually, depending on when I get it up. If it's before May 22 at noon my time, no idea. If after, well. Guess we'll see. Jennie's supposed to show up at the screening of HBO's The Idol that day, screening at the Grand Lumiere at 10:30 CEST. One wonders if she will arrive alone, or bring a plus one. It's a big ask, and if he does it they're probably getting married, that's how big a deal it would be. So I'm not holding my breath, but.

This seems like a reasonable prospect for a plus-one viewing. Might not be the only one but... Jennie's IN IT so.

I'M NOT SAYING THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN. I think it would be a fucking POWER move if it did, but I also do not necessarily expect that it will. It COULD. It... MIGHT. It might not. Either way they're a thing, I'm telling you. They are, have been, a thing. For awhile. And it is apparently quite serious - like up to and including talk of engagement serious.

Remember when a bunch of folk thought that one gummy bear dude was going to jail for "hacking" Jennie's phone only there's been no actual movement on any "investigation"? Yeah. Trickle truthing, they call it. Give 'em a little bit, let them deny it and yell and chew on it for awhile before you give 'em a little more. But c'mon, nobody's wearing half the love-themed couple pieces at Foundrae for no damn reason.

Seriously they got the whole collection almost and both have been seen wearing them almost exclusively. For a year.See airport pic above.

Look, I don't have inside info on Taehyung. I do not. I ain't hang with his friends and I don't know him personally. Never met the guy. But I know a PR move when I see one and this is exactly that.

We all know how toxic stan culture can be. Some ToadlicKKers (and a few of us house elves) are certifiably bonkers, if stan twitter is anything to go by. And the guys, the company, they expect a whole meltdown. They know this is not gonna make half their fans happy. I mean the tkkers have a point in that it looks like they wanted to be seen. BECAUSE IT'S A SOFT OPEN. What Taejen/Taennie/Jenhyung and the companies also know is that based on historic shipper behavior, this is gonna come back on Jimin, Jungkook, maybe Rose' and Lisa. And by extension, the other members. Maybe not as much due to their respective distance, but still. I bet by the time I finish this it will have already started.

Oh look there it is. Fuck those bitches, really.

Good LORDT. I'm not adding the audio, if y'all are that hungry for psycho hose beast Jimin hate hie thee to stan twt.

But, totally off-topic kinda...

... wouldn't it be cool if Jennie, who speaks great English, was hanging out with Troye Sivan and was like "so you know my boyfriend tells me that his bffs..." I'M JUST SAYING NETWORKING IS COOL AND FRIENDS OF FRIENDS GET THINGS DONE OKAY.

You know that girl has the scoop. If Tae knows it, she knows it. Oh heeeeyyy Troye.

Also OT: I love that Taekook have been hanging out a little more lately. It's refreshing. I genuinely think having Jennie in his life has been good for Tae in several ways. And you know, I'm kinda surprised Taennie has lasted this long. I didn't honestly think they would. It warms my decrepit, sad old heart a bit. Turns out I have a lot more to say so IDK IDK, if I feel okay about it I might be back. Right now I'm just waiting for the official Taennie nod and the continued total meltdown.

[applesaucesims]

Filled with excitement to attend the ballet classes his father had signed him up for, Louis had started practicing the moves he had seen the professionals do on stage, or at least the easiest steps he remembered. Thankfully, his room had enough space to practice without breaking anything, should he fall.

His practice was interrupted, when his mother called him downstairs for dinner. While he would have loved to continue his dance, ballet dancers needed the energy for success, so he quickly ran down the stairs to join his family.

At the dinner table, Emma and Niall dropped the news on their children that they were expecting another baby. While the girls seemed to be over the moon about the idea of being big sisters, Louis was much less enthusiastic. But what really killed his mood was his parents' idea for the baby to share his room.

Now, that he was going to seriously practice ballet, Louis needed his own space in the house. He had been glad that his big room was just right for this, but with a baby in the way, and everyone constantly coming in to care for it, he would never get to be on his own to dance.

Despite his mother's pleas, Louis immediately ran back upstairs, trying to hide the tears that were already rolling down his face. He had barely even touched his dinner, but it did not matter, now that he was no longer in the mood to dance, anyway.

[TRANSCRIPT]

Dorothy: *nom*

Emma: "So, my children... Your father and I have got some news for you."

Niall: "That's right. I know how much you already love being a big brother, Louis. I think you might quite hearing this!"

Louis: "What d'you mean?"

Emma: "Well... There is another little sibling on the way!"

Niall: "Ruby, Dorothy, this means you're going to be big sisters, too!"

Ruby: "Yay!"

Louis: "But... There's no room for a baby."

Emma: "Not yet, but we will do some renovations. Maybe you can even share your room."

Louis: "What? No way! I need the space!"

Niall: "It's the biggest bedroom in the house, so it only makes sense."

Louis: "This isn't fair!! I didn't ask for this!"

Emma: "Louis, calm down, please..."

Louis: "No, you're not listening! You don't even care about me! I don't want another sibling!"

Emma: "Louis! Please..."

Niall: "Leave him, Em. He'll need some space for now."

Louis: *sobs*

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

Headcanon Kate gives the 141 kisses and then immediately bites them to show affection like a cat

HOW DO YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN DEEP IN BITING 141 HEADCANONS

It's a love bite!! She just gets so excited by physical affection she has to nom a little. It's fine. Don't worry about it.

Price and Ghost DO NOT make it easy for her. Ghost, obviously, covering his face a lot, but Price has a beard! She can't nip at his cheek or chin, she just gets a mouthful of beard, that's unacceptable. Sometimes she bites his nose. He's smart, though, can tell when she's bitey, knows to pull away so she can't nab him. So she resorts to biting the back of his hand. He has to shave for some reason and after the first round of novelty wears off (babyface Price?!!?!) new novelty appears because NEW BITING SURFACE!!

Kate tried to bite Ghost's hard shell mask once and hated it. He covers up a lot so she can't ever shrug it off like "oh oops i didn't mean to" she literally has to ruck up a sleeve or tug his collar down. this gives him enough time to plan a RETALIATION BITE.

Not nippy ones like she does, either. Full on chomps. His reasoning is "if I have my teeth in you then i know you are not going off somewhere doing something STUPID" Kate is offended by the implication she does stupid things. rude. This does NOTHING btw to make anyone else on base less intimidated by Ghost. rumors circulate about how he bites hard enough to draw blood and that's with someone he kind of likes! (this did happen, thankfully it was not in public because they were both very kind of into it)

feral bastard man Soap adores the love bites. to the point where if he's feeling down, he'll ask for it because it's a nice little dopamine rush. When the ADHD starts ADHDing he will either bite or ask to be bitten. it works, so nobody questions it. Soap is actually more likely to break skin because he's got sharp chompers. Kate likes to bite the top of his ear. Will use the mohawk to drag his head down if she needs to

Gaz gets nibbles. comparatively gentle bites. the guys are talking about their various Kate Bite Bruises Etc and Gaz is like??? wtf are you on about??? Sure there's a bit of a sting sometimes but she kisses it away. Price makes a comment about maybe she bites harder to match the biting the guys do to her (he is correct for the most part). And Gaz is like. you HEATHENS. why are you BITING HER BACK?

This devolves into a very long (slightly horny) discussion of biting as affection, etc. as well as some brief spirals into "why isn't she biting me harder/softer???" (there's a slight chance that Kate comes by Price's office while this is the hot topic in the guys' group chat and Price relays the entire conversation to her, no this is NOT an invitation to bite me right now Katherine!!!! [Price is the only one who can call her Katherine and he's only done it twice])

Anyway Gaz gets Nice Bites until he has a close call, which prompts a very dramatic kiss from Kate followed by a very mean bite to his neck that bruises almost instantly. Gaz is like great! i now see i was not missing out on anything. let's go back to the nice bites please. (he will get nice bites when he stops doing stupid shit, and Gaz thinks that's a bit rich coming from the queen of stupid shit herself, which earns him another, if slightly nicer, bite)

One of them has the top of his ear nicked from an arrow. Not Ghost, his ears are covered, but at least ONE of the others. I'm pretty sure it's Soap but it could be Gaz. that doesn't have anything to do with biting but is important for us all to know.

[blackdollette]

REQUEST FOR CLYDE!!!

omg okay so my thought was a kind of situationship where Clyde and the reader have kind of been flirty to one another for a while (and they both secretly like each other), but at one of the concert/hangout things they go to Clyde sees the reader making out with a random person, and we get JEALOUS!CLYDE🤭🤭 potential for angst and/or smut?

anyways thanks for considering my idea and keep writing cus your stories are literally what keep me on this app🛐🛐

xoxo

aww ur so sweet 🙁🫶🏽

"do you want me or do you not?" | clyde

happiness is a butterfly. - lana del rey

✮⋆˙ [tags] @faesucksass @lustkillers @mayathepsychic1999@josibunn @livingdead-materialgirl @romanroyapoligist@auggiethecreator @oliviah-25 @vanlisbon @lankysimp @livingdead-reilly@imoonkiss @lankysimp@nom-nommmm1@xxbl00d-cl0txx@k1ll3rh0rr0r@wildathevrt@mommymilkers0526

female!reader x jealous!clyde

word count: 1.4k

contents: a little fluffy, angsty, reader "cheats" on clyde, mention of sex, violence, blood

your first smoke, first high, and first ever successful kickflip all happened thanks to clyde, and you always joked about owing him your life for that. he also took your virginity, and you thanked the heavens that he was the one that did it.

“so first, you take a hit of the blunt.” he said. your expression looked puzzled. “what does that mean?” he rolled his eyes, rolling a little weed into the paper before pulling out a lighter from his flannel pocket. “suck on it, like you’re drinking from a straw.” clyde didn’t notice the shift in the atmosphere after he made that comment. he’d always been so oblivious to the dirty things he’d say by accident.

a friendship that had started as a practical joke in high school turned into one where if any guy looked at you the wrong way, he wasn’t afraid to knock a tooth out and earn another prison sentence. as much as you didn’t want to admit it, you had fallen for the high school dropout, white, rich kid drug addict that you’d always been warned to stay far away from. but it was too late now because here you were, sitting on the bench in front of his favourite vape shop, braiding his hair while the rest of his friends were at the skatepark less than a block away.

“alright, your turn.” he said as you tugged on a lock of his hair, his hand resting on your thigh. you thought for a moment, finding the right question to ask him. “okay, never have i ever tried to get a blowjob during a church sermon.” he scoffed, rolling his eyes in annoyance as he put a finger down. “i thought we agreed to never bring that up again.” you finished off one braid, preparing to do the other. “nope, you asked if i’d ever forget, and i said no.”

he tried to suppress the smile tugged at his lips, but before he knew it he was grinning from ear to ear. he brushed a strand of hair behind his ear. “ok, since you wanna play dirty: never have i ev-” he was interrupted by the loud ringtone of your phone. you brought your hands out of his hair, pulling it out of your pocket and checking for the caller ID. when you saw it, your skin went slightly pale.

as inattentive as he was, he noticed right away. “everything okay? you look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” he laughed at his own joke, but you just giggled nervously as you stood up from the seat. “i-ill be right back. i’m going to… the bathroom.” his gaze said that he didn’t believe you  for a second, but you were already halfway down the sidewalk and rushing into the nearest alleyway.

he sighed, leaning back on the bench. “alright then…” he looked up and down the street, not really having noticed anything when you were with him. it always felt like it was only you and him in the world. he reached into his pocket, pulling out the slip of paper that had been burning into his soul. 

“for y/n.” it read, containing more words underneath the fold. he had been planning out this day for years. he had never been the type to write love letters, but when you told him that that was what you were into all those years ago, he told himself he would do exactly that when it came to spilling his guts out to you. and today was the day, he had just been waiting for the perfect moment to give you the note.

several minutes passed, and you still hadn’t returned. his hands were clammier than usual and his leg was bouncing on the ground, something that always used to happen whenever he got nervous. his grip on the note tightened, but he still tried his hardest to not crease it in any way. but the dreadful feeling in his gut continued to grow, spreading like a deadly plague until he couldn’t take it anymore. he stood up, walking down the same path that you had gone, starting to search for you.

you were pressed up against the brick wall of the alley, the scent of stale plants and smoke filling your nostrils as your dating app match forcefully kissed your neck. “i’ve been waiting to meet you all week…” you squirmed underneath him as his teeth dug into your neck, surely leaving a bruise. the only thing going through your mind was how different he looked from his picture.

his dirty hair brushed against your cheek as he came up to your lips against, kissing you with a mouth that probably hadn’t been cleaned in days. your eyes darted around the alley as you desperately searched for a way out of this situation, but his fingers began trailing underneath your shirt, tugging at the fabric as he went to remove it. until a booming roar broke into your thoughts.

“what the hell?!” it was clyde and before you knew it, he tackled the man, shoving him to the ground and punching him upside his jaw. you lept out of his way, eyes wide and mouth open as blood began to spray out of your date’s nose. but clyde only got more violent, his anger growing by the second.

“you think you can just touch any woman you want, huh?! what kind of a fucking animal are you!” clyde grabbed a large rock, surely about to smash his skull into pieces until your piercing scream intervened.

“wait! c-clyde stop!” you pulled him off, an animalistic rage in his eyes as he spat out on last thing. “get lost, fucker!” he quickly got to his feet, blood pouring down his shirt as he bolted out of the alley, scared for his life.

clyde’s mood flipped like a switch when he turned to you, tears filling his eyes. “o-oh my god. are you alright? i-im so sorry, i never should’ve let you go alone. i-i should’ve been there with you. i-” “clyde, stop.” you fidgetted with your thumbs, suddenly feeling like the most terrible person to walk the earth.

you sighed deeply, your next words cutting through his heart. “h-he wasn’t harrassing me. he was… my date.” your words were mumbled, but sharp as a blade. his hands fell to his sides and he stared at you with this blank expression that held a magnitude of pain. you took a good look at him. his hair was still in the unfinished style that you put it in. he had been waiting for you to come back.

he closed his eyes and started to pace around the alley. you could feel the tension getting hotter, but in a bad way. and then he spoke. “so, you left me out there to see your ‘date’? you told me you’d be right back, but you were just gonna leave me there sitting like an idiot.” he was angry, but his eyes were full of tears.

your lip quivered. “c-clyde, i’m sorry…” he brushed you off dismissively. “i don’t want to hear it.” he started walking out of the alley, but you grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. “well can you blame me?! we’ve been doing this whole ‘friends with benefits’ bullshit for years! is it so bad that i wanted something real?!” 

he got up into your face, staring daggers at you. “you want something real? well here you go.” he crumpled up the note in his hand, shoving it into your chest and pinning you to the wall before shoving his hand into his pockets, walking away.

you unfolded the note, reading it through tear-filled eyes:

❝ dear y/n, my favourite person in the world: i remember seeing you for the first time and thinking to myself “i want to marry this person when i grow up.” you were everything i wanted in a person. kind, wild, and beautiful, and everything i’ve ever wanted in a spouse. i know we’ve been taking it slow, so i want to thank you for sticking with me no matter what. through thick and thin, and all the other bullshit ive put you through, you’ve always been the one to bring a smile to my face when i thought no one gave a shit. i will do anything and everything to protect you for as long as I live. you’re the high that i’ve been chasing my entire life, and i’d love to be able to call you my one true love. i just pray to God that you feel the same way.❞

love, clyde.

author's note: nothing beats writing for tumblr at 4am in the morning on a school day :))

[py-dreamer]

@emerialyncodevenice

Hey! 1500th post woo!

Yea so I know Azure canonically kinda grooms Wukong (and the monkie kids to-) but STILL

Like, MAN do I love me some big papa lion.

And you know what in fanfic, we can have that! Here, he didn't groom anyone! He has hiss-hiss noodle baby and his big bird to kis-

And in 'Of Blood and Bones' we get that! Yay!

(and a bunch of angst on the sides!...less yay!)

So, Azure is the jade emperor here and is doing (I hope) a rather good job at it, but he's very busy and stuff and in the fic, Mei is always trying to get her baba to rest (I think...it's been a while since I read the early chapters) and oh yeah! Turns out the dragon heiress got adopted by the Jade emperor and his consort themselves!

Hooray! (Way to climb the social ladder ig)

I have a headcanon that Mei would hang around Azure's neck like one of them taxidermied fox scarves the scary rich ladies have in movies... but...alive (obviously) or for my hinduism mythology nerds, the snake Shiva wears around his neck like a necklace

...or to my papa's pizzeria nerds, the live mink around Krystal's neck

Anyways, Azure's fluffy mane make a great resting place and Mei loves to stay close to her Baba! So win win! It also acts as a way for her to unhinge her scary snake jaw if someone tries to drag him away for even more work.

Since Azure's so busy, at times when his arms are full I think like sometimes he lets his instincts get the better of him and nom the child up (Lions do pick up their cubs by the scruff) but at times his aim isn't the best and just grabs her abdomen and just settles for it

He looks so frazzled and Peng has to step in to roast their himbo husband and help fix things up

Inkyfeathers I imagine would be just like Ratchet and Optimus from TFP: I will follow you into every battle with only mild complaining

(Hell, I wonder if the aquirement of Mei was just like:

Peng: Azure, what the hell are you doing now

Azure: I assure you love, I have absolutely nothing to hide. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to attend to-

Peng: Hold on, your majesty. Last I checked, your shirt didn't look that lumpy

Azure: it just got ruffled up, that's all. No need to make a fuss about it-

Peng: And shirts don't move either.

Azure: wait, we can talk about it-

Mei: ('u')/

Peng: Azure, mind telling me why there is a dragon in your shirt)

And Boy, as much as I want to open up a dang KFC on Peng's corpse, Inkyfeathers just does SOMETHING to me that I can't resist

There's not much to say about their designs, I wanted to give Azure a more royal purple is all!

(click photo for less sh!tty quality)

^^ Link to the great fic!

[fcthots]

ok so this is clearly self-indulgent but what Reader x canon stuff isn’t?? 😤 anyway I’m finally submitting a thing because your portrayal of him & all these ficlets have done wonders for the world—

Italian!Jason (and/or just Jason Who Speaks Italian) & you have used Italian as sort of a “comfort language” since you were growing up together as teens. Yeah, you speak English, but your nicknames for each other, the curses you tend to use, just a lot of specific words because English isn’t always properly descriptive…& there was always a sweet Italian old lady who made the best bolognese & arancini!

anyway, he dies & you’re obviously heartbroken. Skip to Jason finding you (he might be in costume or not) & revealing that he’s alive. He’s too tall, his eyes are too green, he’s too tired and sad-looking. Not that he’s not attractive, but—what if it’s not true? There’s clones, alternate dimensions, dreams…

Then he’s speaking your language. Just partly because you were never fluent. He’s slowly coaxing you into a hug. (Or maybe this is much less angsty & you went from suspicious to in love & ready for a sexy reunion in seconds, lol.)

anyway, have a great weekend!! ♥️ 👌🏽🇮🇹

I'M SORRY THIS IS LOW KEY FUNNY AS HELL BC I'M ITALIAN BUT I'VE SLOWLY LOST ALL MY HERITAGE LMAOOOO

Also I google translated everything bc despite my last name looking like an Italian masterpiece even I say it the English way.

He rotated through every nickname in the book. You were his "principessa", "Tesoro", "cara", "bella", "mia amata", "mostriciattola", etc (princess, sweetheart, dear, beautiful, my loves, and little monster). He called you every sweet name under the sun, all in the language he said "was more fit for your beauty. It sounds much better in Italian."

And one day he stopped calling you anything. One day you just stopped hearing his voice for what you thought would be forever. One day he's calling you "puttana" for stealing his food and then the next day he's dead, laying in a coffin six feet under. You put a red, green, and white rose by his grave because you think he would have found it funny. You don't go back.

You're not the same after, haven't even jokingly attempted to speak a lick of something other than English. You keep quiet, keep to yourself, and think about Jason's spiel about americanized food when you pass by a Dominos pizza.

This all changes, though, when you're walking home by yourself late at night. You have to pass through the bad part of town and maybe you should have been more careful, but it was too late for that now. There were two men and one had a gun; you stood nom chance of making it if you ran. You attempted to back up, just to put some space, but you backed into a trash can and it loudly knocked over. You assailants don’t seem to have appreciated that: one grabs your arm and the other levels the gun at your head. You're shaking and slightly crying, scared out of your mind.

That is until a tank of a man with a bright red helmet drops in. He takes out the man with the gun first and the other pulls a knife to put to your neck. The Red Hood freezes when he looks into your eyes. After the knife starts digging into your skin, he springs back into action. It all happens so fast, you're not even sure what really happened.

But the next thing you know, there's two unconscious bodies on the floor, and the Red Hood is kneeling before you, taking off his mask.

"Principessa?" (princess?)

"PUTTANA?" (BITCH????)

[bonefall]

How does Ashfur's power work, and what happens to his victims? Are they dead dead, like when One-eye nom-ed Tom?

His power is the same as One Eye's back in DOTC, but somehow a bit less "complete." Tom is GONE destroyed as if he's dissolved, Ashfur's victims still exist in some horrific form.

I'm thinking that how it works is that a StarClan cat does become a "star" in a sense. There's a Shine within their heart, and if they ever "die" in heaven, they re-form from that shine. Kind of like... having an internal steven-universe gem. But it acts more like a gas or a liquid.

(googles some random star terms) OK I like the way that "pulsar" kind of sounds like "pulse." I'm going to call their soul-core shine a Pulsar.

Dark Forest cats have a pulsar too. If they die in their home, it "absorbs" the power around them to reform them the next day. If they die OUTSIDE of their home, it leaks out. Living cats fuck with this natural process somehow.

(Though I'm kinda reconsidering the idea that they can be killed in their natural environments at all. I love the plot beat of Ivypool accidentally killing perma-killing Antpelt but I might shuffle it for consistency's sake, or have him get killed on the mortal plane somehow.)

SO ANYWAY back to Ashfur

He's "eating" them by snatching the Pulsar right out of them. Like he's swallowing their heart. They still exist within him in some form.

When Bristlefrost knocks him out of Heaven and they burn up in orbit, whatever happened to him and Bris happened to the souls he ate as well. So if WC ever does a "Reincarnation Plotline" type of thing for all their double-dead souls, I will be including Mousefur and Skystar in it.

But I can't solidify any other details until then, since BB tries to adapt canon and I need to account for how the Erins choose to do it.

[cto10121]

Twilight Clown Takes Special Edition—Bella and Edward Would Be Divorced By Now & Other Projections

In which the Twilight anti fandom cheerfully throws canon and even their beloved lore out the window for this increasingly deranged fanon, in part born from the dumbass movie canon. Here we go, om nom nom

Edward only “killed the vibe” when he thought he hurt Bella. He was literally upset that he gave her bruises and thought that Bella was putting up a brave face. 😭 If anything, it’s such a green flag it hurts.

Also, while Edward is dramatic, so is Bella. They both are! Bella is just more chill as a default.

Tell me you’ve only read the first 50 pages of Midnight Sun without telling me you only read the first 50 pages of Midnight Sun.

Edward being unable to read Bella’s mind is just like his reaction to Bella’s scent—it is a hook, a fictional contrivance to make him want to spend more time with her.

Once he does, though, he sticks around. Why? Because he likes Bella personally. She is quirky, self-possessed, quick-witted, winsome, and pretty tough and brave—the exact qualities you need to be able to handle vampires. She is also self-negating with self-esteem issues, which Edward admires and relates to, since he is self-negating with self-esteem issues too. Birds of a feather, etc.

Edward doesn’t know that Bella is like all the other girls even though he 1) asks a million questions about her likes and interests, 2) she tells him to his face that she is “absolutely ordinary,” and 3) er, stalks her.

You would think homeboy would get a clue about what kind of girl Bella is by now, especially from 3).

Visits her mom, oh God, these clowns are really not beating the lack of reading comprehension skills allegations. No thoughts, head empty.

I think it’s safe to say Bella would never return to Renée and Arizona. As much as she loves the city and the landscape, it is the site of her parentification, which Bella at some deep subconscious level recognizes and resents. Forks, bad weather and all, was when she really found her people, not to mention her love. And now that she is a vampire, the cold isn’t even a problem anymore.

Also, the fact that Bella blithely rationalizes away keeping Renée in the dark while keeping Charlie in the loop speaks volumes.

That’s right! Bella and Edward would never work out because they don’t have anything in common. I even made a whole list on how little they have in common, it’s astounding!

“Treats Resume awful” Source, please. Even in the dumbass movies Edward and Renesmee had a really lovely rapport with each other. It was one of the few moments Rob Pattinson did look like he was enjoying himself.

Bella “I have too much Charlie in me” Swan, going full Renee? It’s less likely than you think. Why do these clowns always have to stan Renee, the woman who literally made her child pay the bills?????

Also, “a woman who followed her own desires”…that is literally Bella with regards to Edward. She was the one who 100% on Edward’s icy D train while homeboy was still flailing over being Hades to her Persephone. She was the one who wanted to experience sex with Edward while still human even though he could have squished her like a bug.

It’s literally why I love this bitch (complimentary) to begin with. I admire that kind of NFG (No Fucks Given) in fictional characters. Characters that march to the beat of their own drum.

The Twilight fandom is really not beating the allegations.

Anyway, YMMV, but I’ve never read a more hetero bitch than Bella in my life, and I grew up on bodice rippers and telenovelas. Kristen Stewart’s Bella is not and will never be canon, so her sapphic vibes don’t count.

Tell me you’ve only seen the movies without telling me—

[hautsreadsmarvel]

“The Fantastic Four” x Four (1961, issues 10-12)

We’re gonna need to start grouping these by subject matter, rather than ordering them purely sequentially.

In this issue, you will find - a fourth wall break (kind of)! The Four answer fan-mail! The most ambitious crossover event in history! And Hauts exploding into tiny little giblets vibrating w inconsolable rage!

Issue 10 has a variation on the classic “the Four moving across New York causes much inconvenience” opening, followed by the officiation of the love triangle (eugh).

And then this happens.

Wadda hael. I thought it was a true fourth wall break at first, but it becomes clear that w/in the canon, the Marvel comic team coincidentally print stories about super-beings that are real in their world (thus how Torch was reading mags about Namor and the Hulk earlier). The extent to which these stories are true is not described, but since Lee and Kirby are coming up with a villain and Reed needs to “discuss a new plot” rather than just recount facts, they can’t be 1:1.

Anyways, as hinted at by the cover art, this is a body swap plot (Reed<-->DOOM). After DOOM’s banishment to space, he was taken in by trusting aliens who taught him one of their mental techniques - body swapping - then out of goodwill returned him to his planet. The other Four realize the deception when a false threat sees “Reed” scrambling to save himself and “DOOM” taking one for the team. DOOM gets swapped back to his old body when his concentration on the spell lapses, and then gets shot with his own shrinking ray. It’s a fine story, about as good a plot as we’ve gotten so far.

It also includes this funny gem:

Thankfully, DOOM’s internal monologue acknowledges this as bullshit double-talk, rather than it being a true Marvel-scientific fact.

As for character exploration, we are twice told straight-up Reed is the most goody two-shoes of the Four, so I guess that’s supposed to be his defining character trait. A shame that trait is shared by almost every other hero from this era.

Is it Reed’s aura of Good or his deep implied friendship with the Thing that causes the following reaction? Unsure, but this is pretty sweet:

Also, now that you mention it, it is a little weird to park an obviously expensive and desirable vehicle where anyone can freely access its controls.

Raw bullshit. I hope to see less “heat mirages” from the Torch, frankly his pyrokinesis is already versatile enough w/o adding illusions to the package too.

Issue 11 contains a brand-new alien species we will probably never hear from again, ‘cos they’re way OP compared to everything else so far. A “Poppupian” - a shapeshifter that can turn into virtually anything, even a rocket ship, an “asbestos-bladed buzz saw”, a mass of animate flower petals, or even a bomb that can detonate w/o being harmed and then reform itself - visits Earth and causes chaos because it just wants to have fun, not understanding the chaos it is causing. After the Four battle it and manage to endanger its life, they then attempt to save it, causing it to decide to stay on Earth with its new friends. This causes even more havoc, until Reed gets a bright idea and tells everyone on Earth to ignore the alien. After a few weeks of antics, it grows so bored it leaves. This is a refreshing and light adventure, again, on the upper crust of the stories we’ve gone thru so far.

“The Impossible Man” is an alright nom inventé, but it feels infringingly close to the already-used “Miracle Man”. I’m usually a sucker for this old style of titling characters, but I feel like there were cooler possible names for the Poppupian.

This issue also contains answers to irl fan-mail, framed as them answering in-universe fan-mail. This includes the story of how Reed and the Thing met in college, following up to the fateful day they gained powers. Neat. It also includes this:

…This is not a particularly compelling argument, even before the Thing implies it’s not cool to like Rhea Ripley. WRONG! SCUFFED! LOSER!! Thing, how could you?? Sue certainly needs more moments to shine, but I’m aware that at some point later in the comics she gains forcefield abilities too, so they probably couldn’t figure out any other way to make her “pull her weight”.

Finally, I think this issue contains the first usage of the word “clobber” by the Thing. Not “it’s clobberin’ time”, just “clobber”. Thought that was a neat lil bit of trivia to throw in here.

Issue 12 - the first bridging of the worlds. If you are wondering how long a “book-length epic!!” is, it’s 23 pages, not including the cover. Books are thinner in the Marvelverse, you heard it here first!

Wait, did I mention Alicia and the Thing are together? It starts offscreen (hm. offpanel), and I forgot to mention it in whatever issue it gets canonized in.

Gen. Ross commissions the Four to find and neutralize the Hulk.

Hey, remember when you could trust that a photo you saw was depicting a real thing since doctoring images is real hard? Yeah, me neither, Photoshop - or whatever the correct term is for whatever photo touch-up tech de jure predated it - has been around longer than I’ve been on the ‘net.

BURN. Just like that, even tho “Thunderbolt” Ross shows a compassionate side when asking Reed if the teenaged Torch should really be on this mission, Ross descends to the nadir of the F tier. Reed also takes a hit. Reed, please evolve into a real character with distinct and likeable attributes beyond “altruist” at some point.

Fantasti-car gets a glow-up. It can still split into 4 pieces, just looks cooler.

Wait wait wait - I was kidding about wanting Rick Jones to develop an actual personality. Is that actually beginning to happen? Will he become… eugh… a character I actually want to keep around? No. No, I will keep hating on him until the day he vanishes from the record. The Hulk doesn’t have sidekicks, fuck that noise.

The Hulk and the Four have a cool fight where they all get to show off… except for Sue, who only gets to disarm an “atomic ray” from a… commie spy… are you FUCKING KIDDING ME

I’ve been tricked! Hornswoggled! Deceived once more! Worse, this time they recognize who the true villain is ‘cause his wallet contains a membership card for a “subversive communist-front organization”!

Gods, what happens in the next issue - the Fantastic Four raze UC Berkeley?