#anyway last time but seriously thank you all for being such a wonderful community | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dreamwritesimagines · 6 months ago

Text

The Eye of the Hurricane [20] - Nightclub

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback, you made my day! ❤️I hope you’ll like this chapter as well, and please don’t forget to tell me what you think! ❤️

Summary: Business deals are open to negotiation.

Word Count: 2600

Pairing: MobBoss!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Violence, guns, crime, blood, explicit language, dysfunctional relationship. This is an AU, friendly reminder that I don’t condone any of the actions depicted on this story and please read with care.

Series Masterlist

“Unbelievable,” you muttered to yourself, scratching at Alpine’s head with one hand while holding your phone with the other, your eyes skimming the lines. “Seriously…”

Bucky sipped his coffee. “Care to share with the class, Charm?”

You heaved a sigh and shot him a look, holding up the phone so that he could see the screen.

“Clint leaves the city for a couple of days and HYDRA immediately attacks his territory?” you asked and Bucky hummed.

“I mean he had his people covering it,” he said. “Just because he wasn’t here, doesn’t mean it was open to any attack.”

“Which makes it worse,” you told him with a sigh, then reached out for the jar of peanut butter to dip a spoon into it. “How many sources do these guys have?”

“That’s what we’re trying to find out,” Bucky said, reaching out to run his fingers through Alpine’s soft fur as she meowed at him. “You’re coming to the club tonight, right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Your phone buzzed in your hand and you took a look at the notification, then licked your lips.

“Buck.”

“Hm?”

“So you know how our therapist said open communication is very important?”

“I don’t trust the therapist.”

“Shocking,” you deadpanned. “Anyway, I’m meeting Ethan today for lunch.”

Bucky let out a groan before he threw his head back. “Charm…”

“This is me openly communicating.”

“This is you throwing a knife at me and calling it communication,” Bucky corrected you, making your jaw drop.

“It’s not!”

“I will ask this question once again; why are you meeting your ex who wants to fuck you?”

“That’s not—I know the idea isn’t familiar to you, but some people can be friends with their exes.”

“So it’d be fine if I met up with one of my exes for lunch?” he asked and you shrugged your shoulders, trying to ignore the unpleasant flip your stomach did.

“If you can find an ex who doesn’t want to kill you?” you said. “Go ahead.”

He scoffed. “Not all of them hate me.”

“Is the ex who doesn’t hate you in the room with us right now?” you asked back and he made a face.

“I don’t know who fed you those lies, I’m guessing Becca—”

“Becca is very objective when it comes to your exes,” you pointed out. “And how terrible you are in relationships.”

“I’m not terrible in relationships.”

“Did you stay friends with any of your exes?”

“Yeah!”

“Give me a name.”

He blinked a couple of times and cleared his throat. “…Dot.”

“Dot hates your guts, Buck.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know she dumped you,” you said and Bucky clicked his tongue.

“It was a mutual decision.”

“It really wasn’t,” you said. “You do realize that I’ve been best friends with your sister since I was in kindergarten? I know everything about your terrible relationships.”

“To repeat, they’re not—don’t change the subject,” he said as you sipped your coffee. “Your ex?”

“My ex does not want to kill me like your exes or fuck me like you seem to think.”

“Oh he wants to marry you then?” he asked and even though you knew he was being sarcastic, your stomach did a flip. “Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, I beat him to it.”

You clicked your tongue as you dipped your spoon in the peanut butter jar again.

“As much as I enjoy you referring to me like I’m the last piece of cake,” you deadpanned. “I will make sure both your dick and you regret it the next time you do that.”

He blinked a couple of times and you gave him a bright grin, then popped the spoon into your mouth, then pulled it out to point at him with it.

“See?” you asked him. “Open communication. Therapy works wonderfully for this relationship.”

“Tell me I didn’t make you wait for long,” Ethan said as he rushed into the café and you let out a laugh, then stood up to kiss his cheek.

“I just got here, no worries,” you said. “Ordered your coffee though.”

“You know my coffee order?”

“Yeah,” you said and made a face at him. “Terrible order but yeah. Burned into my mind.”

That made him smile as he sat down.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. “I was going to come sooner but—”

“Let me guess, your boss?”

“One of these days, that man will get in an accident that I’ve been hoping and praying for,” he told you, making you laugh.

“That’s doable,” you said. “I told you before.”

He heaved a sigh. “Stop. Right now, I feel like taking you up on that offer.”

“You can.”

He frowned, then shook his head.

“No no,” he said. “I’ve watched too many movies about this.”

“I’m not going to put a horse head in your bed, Ethan.”

“No, not that!” he said, letting out a chuckle. “Power corrupts.”

You shrugged again. “Nah it doesn’t.”

“It would corrupt me,” he told you as the waitress brought your coffees. “How about you? How’s uh…how’s marriage?”

Your eyes snapped to his and you cleared your throat, shifting in your seat.

“Ethan, if it’s going to lead to yet another—”

“It won’t,” he cut you off and offered you a small smile. “Don’t worry. I got the message.”

A silence fell upon you. You could feel your stomach doing a flip at the implication of what he had said and even though you actually wanted to talk about it, you knew you couldn’t.

Now to think of it…

You weren’t sure if you could even get together with him after your divorce. The idea was tempting yes, but you weren’t sure he could handle the life the job brought with it. While you and Bucky could torture an agent of HYDRA and then get takeout afterwards, doing the same wasn’t possible with Ethan and—

Strangely enough, you found yourself wondering whether you could still do it with Bucky after you two would get a divorce.

“Y/N?”

Your head shot up and you cleared your throat, then smiled at him.

“Sorry,” you said. “Blanked out for a second. You were saying?”

Opening night of a club, especially if it was in Barnes, Wilson or Rogers territories, was always so much fun that even when you were teenagers, you and Becca would sneak into them, most of the time to get caught by Steve. Now that you were a grown up, you still enjoyed them but you also knew what was happening in the background.

It was the perfect time to make deals.

The crowd, the music, the alcohol, it all served its purpose to make better deals without getting the weapons or threats involved. Not to mention, getting invited to the opening night showed respect to whoever was a part of any negotiation.

You took a sip of your drink and leaned back on the sofa, keeping your eyes on Mr. Clifford. He was one of the new players in town, but powerful enough to be invited to your -well, Bucky’s- VIP booth tonight. If this deal worked, he could make the shipments to your territory much smoother but the problem was, neither you nor Bucky could decide whether you could trust him or not.

He had good references, but he was still sort of a mystery.

“I wasn’t aware you would be here as well, Mrs. Barnes,” Mr. Clifford said. “So the word on the street is true?”

“What word?” you asked and he smiled.

“That you’re…not just a guest?”

Bucky raised his brows and shot you a small grin while you shrugged your shoulders.

“No, I’m not.”

“She’s the only one I trust,” Bucky said and you smirked, reaching out to hold his hand. Mr. Clifford nodded.

“I see,” he said. “And um—if you don’t mind me ask, will it affect any deals I may make with your father?”

“You will have to ask my father that,” you said. “I hear he’s not open to any new deals but you can try your chances.”

He hummed. “And his heir, Ian?”

Your jaw clenched but you managed to keep your expression flat while Bucky squeezed your hand as if trying to assure you.

“Ian hasn’t been named yet,” he said. “And either way, if you’re making deals with heirs, I may have to rethink my decision to do business with you. Are you that much of an amateur?”

“Bucky.”

“No, I’m not going to do business with him if he’s making deals with people who can’t sit at the grown-ups table.”

“I assure you, that’s not the case,” Mr. Clifford said. “I was just voicing my curiosity, that’s all.”

You downed your drink and leaned in to whisper into Bucky’s ear.

“I’ll be right back,” you said. “Don’t shoot him?”

“No promises,” he murmured and you tried to bite back your smile, then grabbed your purse and stood up to make your way through the dance floor to the bathroom. When you stepped out again, your eyes fell upon Ryan who was by the bar and you smiled to yourself, then approached the bar as well.

“I think you’re the only person who drinks water at a club opening,” you said, making him turn his head and he blinked a couple of times as if he was surprised to see you, then looked down at the glass in his hand.

“Ma’am,” he said, taking a sip of his water and you tilted your head.

“Let me guess,” you said. “Ian told you to be completely sober just in case?”

“It’s my idea, ma’am.”

“Where’s he?”

“In the VIP room there,” he motioned at the closest room and you pulled your brows together.

“And he sent you away?”

Ryan sipped his water in silence and you heaved a sigh.

“Does he know that keeping his right arm out of deals is a terrible idea?”

“I’m just his bodyguard ma’am, nothing more.”

You pursed your lips together and cleared your throat.

“You might as well dance with someone, you know,” you joked. “If he’s going to be there alone, no need for you to get bored.”

The look of complete terror on his face at the suggestion was almost funny. He was a huge guy, and you were pretty sure he could crush someone’s skull with his bare hands if he wanted to, but he looked absolutely terrified at the idea of dancing with someone at the club.

“I’m a great wing-woman,” you told him, making him blink a couple of times. “Anyone caught your attention?”

“Ma’am I—I wouldn’t—” he stammered and you waved a hand in the air.

“And how many times should I tell you to call me Y/N?” you asked and he licked his lips, staring at you.

“I don’t mean disrespect.”

“I don’t think it’s disrespect,” you told him and out of the corner of your eye, you saw the waiter leaving your VIP room mutter something at one of Clifford’s bodyguards by the door before walking away. You frowned.

“Excuse me,” you said as you made your way to the fire exit the waiter walked into. You looked over your shoulder and pulled the small pistol out of your purse, then pushed open the door quietly to step into the hallway.

The waiter was too busy to notice your presence as he pulled a gun out of the cleaning bucket in front of him, but he froze when he heard the sound of you cocking the gun.

“Hi,” you said and he gritted his teeth, raising his hands. “Put the gun down.”

He slowly put the gun down and you smiled.

“There you go,” you said. “Good boy.”

“What are you doing?” he asked as he turned to you and you shrugged your shoulders.

“I mean I’m trying to enjoy my night to be honest but…”

“Just walk away.”

You scoffed.

“Right,” you said. “That’s gonna happen.”

“If you walk away now, you’ll benefit from it,” he said. “Mr. Clifford says if Barnes dies, you could take over his territory, his business. It’ll be your right.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Well yeah but also if Bucky dies, I’ll have to wear black and I can’t really pull off black dresses,” you said. “Becca says it has something to do with my undertone—”

You didn’t get to finish your sentence when he lunged to throw a punch at you but you caught his hand and twisted it, making him cry out in pain. You headbutted him right in the nose, hearing the crack of the bone before you grabbed the bigger pistol on the floor to slam it against his head, causing him to drop to the floor unconscious.

“This night is getting more and more fun,” you murmured as you shook your head, then pushed your pistol back into your purse. You made your way to the door again to open it, then approached Ryan to tap him on the shoulder.

“Can I borrow you for a moment?” you asked and turned around without waiting for him to answer, but he followed you anyway until you got to the hallway and opened the door. Ryan grabbed his gun from his waistband the moment he saw the unconscious guy lying on the floor, then turned to you.

“Ma’am, are you alright?” he asked, stepping into the hallway with his gun ready, checking for any threats. “Did he hurt you?”

“Not at all,” you said. “Keep an eye on him until I get back.”

His back straightened immediately like he was a soldier and you were his commander. “Yes ma’am.”

“And if Ian says anything,” you said. “This happened in Barnes territory, he’s our hostage. No one else’s.”

“Yes ma’am.”

You nodded your head and took a step to the door, then turned around.

“And thank you, Ryan,” you said, making him pull his brows together in confusion as if he wasn’t used to hearing it. “I appreciate it.”

He swallowed thickly, then nodded.

“Ma’am,” he said and you pushed open the door, then made your way to the VIP room Bucky was in.

“As I was saying, our price isn’t…” Clifford stopped talking when he saw you walk inside. “Ah Mrs. Barnes, welcome back.”

You shot him a fake smile, then leaned in closer to Bucky so that you could whisper into his ear.

“He’s trying to kill you.”

Bucky’s gaze snapped to yours when you pulled back and he heaved a sigh as if he was exhausted, then ran a hand over his eyes.

“Great,” he muttered. “Do you want to stay and watch, sweetheart?”

You thought for a moment, then shook your head.

“I got one of his men, I’ll be by the fire exit,” you murmured. “Come there when you’re done?”

“Sure thing.”

“What’s going on?” Clifford asked and you turned to shoot him a glare before pecking Bucky on the cheek.

“Have fun!”

“I will,” Bucky said and motioned at one of the bodyguards. “Paul, escort my wife to where she’s going.”

“Yes Mr. Barnes.”

“And Hannah,” Bucky’s voice was completely calm. “Lock the room down.”

“Mr. Barnes, please—” Clifford’s voice was cut off when the door shut behind you and Bucky’s bodyguards started dragging Clifford’s men away while you turned to Paul with a sigh.

“How fucking rude, right?”

“Ma’am?”

“I mean honestly…” you muttered while you walked to the fire exit with Paul following you. “Sending an amateur to kill him? People today have no manners.”

Chapter 21

382 notes · View notes

juniperdugong · 5 months ago

Text

In Your Dreams - Yoon Jeonghan

Warnings: Suggestive, mentions of "smut" but no actual smut, gn!reader but there's the use of the phrase "ladies' man"

"Hannie...Hannie...Jeonghan"

"Yes? My love. You're right next to me, just say what you want to say, I'm always listening", a slightly annoyed smile formed and curled upwards on his lips before Jeonghan took another slurp of the Shin Ramyun in front of him.

"Lose the attitude babe...", although he doesn't turn Jeonghan knows when you're glaring lasers into his head, he's claimed it's been his "superpower" since you've gotten together.

"You know I could never y/n - anyways as you were telling me..."

"Right! As I was telling you, look at this." A small scoff escaped your lips as you shoved your phone in front of Jeonghan's face. His eyes take a second to focus before he slumps his shoulders and looks at you with defeated eyes.

A large sigh comes from him as he speaks between chews, "Why are you looking at that?".

"I was just curious what Carats think of you these days, is all" A mischievous smile on your lips as you muse at him.

"That is not an accurate way to find that answer and you know that. Plus, I'm eating! How could you shove that in my face when I'm literally stuffing my face? Love."

"I'm not the one eating and you NEVER talk to me when you're eating, I have to entertain myself some how hannie."

"But with Smut? Of me?"

"C'mon~ It's funny!"

"It's not y/n..."

"Yes, it is! They think you're so nasty~!"

Another defeated and angry look is shot your way as he takes a spoonful of rice, dips it into the broth, and then shovels it into his mouth.

"Like I said not a good way to find what Carats think of me. If you really want to know you should look on Twitter or something, babe."

"But that's no fun" You give a small pout and he can't resist leaning over to give you a quick peck to make it disappear before his eyes.

There's a pause before the mischievous smile now spreads on his face with his little devilish squint in his eyes, "Or."

"Or..."

"Or you're showing me that stuff because you want me to do that to you..." His eyes meet yours and now you're the one with the disgruntled expression. A giggle from him turns into a laugh as you lightly punch his chest.

"As if, Yoon Jeonghan...Seriously, in your dreams" You let out a harsh scoff as you turn your head and roll your eyes in annoyance.

"No baby...In your dreams." He waits for you to turn back towards him before attempting to give you a wink.

"Oh woah, look at Mr. Seducer here everyone! A real ladies' man, Y'know I wonder if Carats know how much of a loser you are Han." This time you give him a smirk with your sarcastic tone.

"Loser! Ha, never been a loser. I win the games, I win the awards..." He starts listing things off on his fingers, slowly inching towards you before grabbing your shoulders and turning you to fully face him. "And I win the most wonderful person in the world to share my life with."

You roll your eyes but your mouth betrays you as it curls into a smile.

"See and I keep the love of my life smiling too~ I never lose."

"Shut up, Hannie."

Another giggle comes from him before he finishes the last bit of food before him. Well satisfied he leans back into his chair, gives out a big huff, and pats his stomach.

You're still scrolling on your phone when Jeonghan leans over and encircles your waist with his arms before resting his chin on your shoulder.

A whisper reaches your ear and you can practically hear the smile that accompanies the words, "I think you secretly do want me to do that stuff with you y/n..."

"Yah! Yoon Jeonghan!"

{If you're interested in being on the Taglist for my Seventeen works please let me know!!}

{A/N: Just a quick thing I wrote in like 2hrs between watching Bridgerton lol. This was supposed to include a pimple patch at some point (iykyk) but then I kept writing and it never happened lmao, my hands and my mind do not communicate, the story writes itself most times. Anyway...thanks for all the love my loves! Requests are open as of me posting this btw!}

185 notes · View notes

eye-in-hand · 4 months ago

Text

Why I'm Converting to Judaism

I've posted this onto tumblr before on an old blog of mine, fuck if I remember what it was called but lmfao I'm sure some people have seen this before.

There are a lot of reasons why I'm converting to Judaism, but what I talk about in this is a large part of it, and a large part of a lot of healing I've had to do. Getting involved in the Jewish community (at the point of writing this, I had a bit, but was still too scared and admittedly triggered from past events I talk about in this to do so) has been really healing for me, and has made me feel validated and less alone in my experiences. And that's something I can never show enough thanks for.

Also at the time of writing this I didn't have my driver's license yet, but I do now, and that's helped with actually being able to be in a physical Jewish space so that's been nice.

Because it involves (CW:) violent antisemitism and rape, I'll put it under the cut. This was written partly around June/July 2023 and then a couple days after 10/7.

For the last few years I've been seriously considering and researching into converting to Judaism. It's been a little difficult because I live in the middle of fucking nowhere northern Midwest and the closest Jewish community to me is small and an hour away (and I can not drive), but I've been talking with their rabbi for the past few years. Admittedly on and off because I've been ahhhh terrified lmfao for many different reasons (mainly it brings up trauma I've dealt with that I get into that below) but recent events have... really made it clear where I want to stand in this world, and who my heart yearns for the most.

Some back story:

There's a lot that has happened to me growing up involving the idea of Jewish Identity, who is and isn't Jewish—but there are a few major events that really stick out in my mind. The majority of my years in High School, I would often (and I mean, this happened regularly) be asked if I was Jewish, or told "you look Jewish" unsolicited, or asked "why do you [act Jewish]?" I have dark, curly hair, and other "typical Jewish features", or so I'm told. I had no idea if I was Jewish (ethnically anyways, I knew I wasn't religiously), and growing up as an undiagnosed autistic, I had no idea how to respond to these kinds of questions, or what to do about figuring that out, I had no fucking idea about anything. I don't even think I really understood what being Jewish meant. And when enough people ask you if you're X thing, you start to wonder if you are.

When asked, I had two answers: "I don't know, actually," or "why?" I never understood why it was only the Jewish kids being asked this, why was the question always "are you Jewish?" I never seemed to see other ethnicities being questioned (bare the biracial kids, they got asked this a lot too) and I went to a very diverse inner-city school. I knew Jewish kids and they were always asked and bothered the same way I was, sometimes at the same time. I showed interest in learning about Jewish culture and would talk about it at school, etc. Maybe these answers were the wrong ones. I'm autistic, I have no idea. Maybe I should have just said "no, I'm not." but my response was "I don't know, let me look into that," or "Why? Does it matter?" Because I genuinely meant those words.

To keep this short, I was bullied in school for "being Jewish", "looking Jewish", especially as if my dark, curly hair and nose were ugly and weird traits to either mock or touch without asking. Traits I tried to hide my whole life until recently as an adult I learned to appreciate them. I remember a specific incident where my 'best friend' was in a group project with other classmates and as the class was working on them, she came all the way across the room to me, and asked, "are you Jewish?" and I said, "why?"

"Oh because you look like a Greek Jew." Whatever that means.

All I responded with was a forced laugh and "does it matter if I was? Why is the question always about being Jewish?"

She went back to her group and for the rest of the class I was stared and laughed at. Very weird. Autism brain does not understand what is so fucking funny about it. There was another incident with her, or regularly honestly, and this group of people who would compare me to characters from media based on negative Jewish stereotypes and apparently it was just hilarious.

I always had to deal with holocaust jokes, Jew jokes, expected to laugh and go with it because it was just a crack at my appearance.

After high school, I moved towns, and — to keep this short and not too personal. I met a guy who took me in while I was vulnerable. Just became homeless, had no friends or places to go in a completely new town. Turns out, he's a neo-nazi, and I mean that literally. Not in the just a bigot oh he's a nazi, like — he was a proud "Odinist" body builder fuck head who was very proud of being Icelandic and German. The topic of Jewish people was one he brought up a lot, especially towards me. He asked me that same question, and I told him, "I don't know. I get asked that a lot."

I told him I was interested in celebrating Jewish holidays to learn more about Judaism. I'm angry at myself because I was barely 18, undiagnosed autistic, and he was much older than me, a local of the town and who I was depending on for a place to stay, for food. I barely knew what a pagan was, let alone what covert supremacy looked like.

I'm not exaggerating that this all still makes me shake, typing this is hard. I feel sick. He isolated me, kept me in his basement, "joked" about keeping "a Jew in his basement" and how "funny it would be to make that a dead Jew." He sexually abused me, beat me, choked and shook me, called me slurs, he'd talk on the phone when he thought I was asleep to his white supremacist friends about the "Jewish whore" he had. He wouldn't let me get a job, encouraged me to "act Jewish" in a fetishizing way. Told "edgy" jokes over, and over, and over and expected me to laugh with everything. It was all just a joke why are you upset it's funny, what's wrong with you, why are you such a bitch?

Later, when I got away from him (and homeless again in the process) I was in online "spiritual communities" and showed a picture of my face. I didn't realize how much the New Age community hates Jews and I was called a lot of things, especially when I told them that Jews aren't an alien race here to take over the world, or that hating Jewish people doesn't make you a fucking spiritually awakened guru. I was harassed in public for "being a Zionist (edit: yes, even in 2017)" even though I had never even mentioned an opinion on Israel, I never claimed to be Jewish, it was just assumed. My (platonic) partner's mother cried because "my daughter is running off w that k*** boy." I never told her I was Jewish, and neither did my partner. She saw me on Skype once. (Edit: My boyfriend's family are from Russia/Georgia and he's terrified to be seen with me near them and despite being interested in Judaism himself he's scared to go to the synagogue with me because of the possibility of them finding out. (Some of the fear is also because we're gay, but I'm well aware that it'd be even worse if they knew it was gay jews. And he's not scared for himself, he's scared for me.)

I got a DNA test a few years ago. I'm not Jewish. I don't know what happened to me. I don't understand this. Is this valid pain towards an identity I can't even claim? What do I even do with this? I wish I could talk to a Rabbi but I can't tell if I'm overstepping a boundary. A Rabbi's job is for the Jewish Community, they don't have time to hear my sob story about the antisemitism a Gentile faced. I can't just show up to the Jewish community and say "I get your struggles" because I don't. But I feel so alone.

I've stepped in and out of conversion, confused and unsure of who I am or who I want to be, what I believe, and how others see me. Angry at myself for how I handled these questions. Angry at myself for appropriating a struggle that isn't even mine to be struggling with. I'm so sorry.

When converting doesn't scare me, I just want to convert so that maybe the idea of being Jewish can be more than pain to me, and instead be something empowering. But I don't know anything right now or where I should go.

About a month or so ago, a couple coworkers of my partner started harassing us about me being Jewish, and I had directly told them multiple times, that I am not Jewish. I had even dropped the idea of converting because I was too scared of all this past hurt and didn't want to be alone to deal with it anymore, and too scared to talk to the Rabbi for fear of bothering him. But they threatened me, the only place I felt safe to hang out was around my partner's work and that place is no longer safe for me because of these people. I don't know them, and I don't want to know what they're capable of or rather who they know around here, because they're Qanon supporters of the men that tried to kidnap the governor and supporters of Jan 6, trumpy fucking dickheads. I live in a small, incredibly Christian town, I didn't fucking need this shit again.

It really triggered me because I didn't even have the excuse of "well it's my fault, I didn't say I wasn't Jewish" this time. I told them I wasn't but they think I'm hiding some "dark Jew secret" and I "cursed them" because their lives are going to shit.

Then all of this in Israel happened, and it hurt so much. That was the first weekend I had done Shabbat in a year or so, and for the first time it felt so right. It felt like what I should be doing. Then I logged back online, saw what had happened and for the Jewish community around the world it was one of pain. I called my Rabbi this past week after several months of silence on my end, and told him to let me know if there was anything I could do. He was glad to hear from me, and I'm sorry that I kept disappearing.

My point is, I'm converting because no matter what I say or tell people, this will always keep happening, I will never be safe and I don't want to face it alone, I want to hopefully connect with the community (daunting because ahh I'm autistic so I am. Not good at connecting with other people very well), do what I can. I had read about Jewishness being "sharing the fate of the Jewish people" and I believe that I do, it's been proven time and time again no matter what I say or do.

Anyways that's what's been on my mind. I hope this doesn't come off trying to make this tragedy about me, I'm not good at tone and I'm sorry. I'm bringing this up now because this really... marks the time for me to take this seriously, and I never want to shut the door on this again. I need to be there for the Jewish people in times like this because I've felt what that feels like, even if I don't really understand why.

#judaism #jew by choice #jewish conversion #jewish convert #personal//#jewish//#jumblr

21 notes · View notes

voxofthevoid · 4 months ago

Note

I'm so sorry you get so many hate messages. You're always so cool about it and don't let them get to you but I know it must suck anyway. So I just want to say I think all of your jjk opinions are correct. But seriously, your characters are always on point and I especially love how you write Yuji. People are crazy for complaining about something you chose to write and share with the world. Anyway, you're a really skilled writer and I love all of your fics and ideas, so please keep sharing them!

Thank you, anon 💗

I do appreciate the support, especially because I've been in a bit of a shit mood the last few days. This was a nice pick-me-up.

I won't deny I've been very lucky. Half of it is my internal workings; the hate messages piss me off, but they don't affect my confidence or creativity. However, I've been at this for well over a decade now, and my brain chemistry was never prone to things like imposter syndrome. Newer authors or authors who struggle with self-esteem issues often don't have that internal scaffold.

The external support I get from you guys is the other half. It's the community aspect that makes a fandom worth staying in for me, and if I were to be treated solely or mostly with hostility, I'd have packed up my bags and found a new home a long time ago. I have no control over which ship/show I fall in love with, but a hostile fandom is the greatest killer of passion. The reason I stayed so long in the MCU was that its people were wonderful and vocally so. JJK isn't quite that pleasant overall (younger, more drama-prone fandom, I suppose), but the vast majority of my readers are amazing, supportive, and very kind. That's why I'm still here.

I had an exchange with another author on Reddit the other day, and they were saying that the reason they quit writing for their current fandom was that, when they got harassed, the larger fandom's reaction was to ignore or actively dismiss the harassment. I see plenty of posts/discussions in fandom spaces, from subreddits to blogs on here, about people getting bullied out of fandoms because of the toxicity of a few bad actors and the apathy of the rest.

I don't post/share all of the hateful messages I get because some of them straight-up don't deserve to be inflicted on human eyeballs, and they're blatant, unrepentant attempts to actively hurt my confidence as a writer and my dignity as a human being. I do not have sufficiently harsh words for the kind of filth who'd do that.

I hate that people have the fucking audacity to try this and that it's distressingly effective most of the time. Nobody wants to spend their hobby hours fending off assholes. I don't know if fandom as a whole has become more hostile recently, but I do find the overall atmosphere more toxic and downright violent than it was when I started actively participating in fandom in 2014. For all our sakes, I hope it gets better and soon.

Sorry, that got way longer than I intended 😅

On a cheerier note, I'm delighted to hear you enjoy my takes on JJK and its characters! And nothing makes me happier than hearing you like how I write Yuuji in particular. Thank you again 🥰💗

#i love my anons #anon #vox has opinions

10 notes · View notes

calicoartie · 1 year ago

Text

Ahhhh ok since everyone is doing it, here I go…..

When I saw Elvis on opening day last year, I was only going because my aunt wanted to bring me. After seeing the movie, I was not only shook af but also in love with austin. I was like all of the other people who didn’t like Elvis, but 3 days later I came to my senses.

Me being me, I ran to this hellsite to find fanfiction about both austin and Elvis. I remember taking a screenshot of someone who had said something along the lines of “WHERE ARE THE AUSTIN BUTLER FICS??!!” Well person from about a year ago, there’s thankfully plenty of them now.

I want to just thank everyone who I’ve met in this wonderful community and have formed bonds with, specifically @cryingabtab @austinbutlersbaby @powerofelvis @rosaminny @eliseinmemphis @butlersxbirdy @mooodyblue @marooosa @burninlovebutler @samfangirls @foreverdolly @lindszeppelin @thatbanditqueen @precious-little-scoundrel @polksalademma and Becca! (I’m sorry I couldn’t remember your username😭) I love you guys sm and I couldn’t be luckier to have such a wonderful group of people in my life, thank you times a million 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

I’d also like to thank everyone who has written my fave fics bc they give me LIFE @cryingabtab @austinbutlersbaby @elvisabutler @prompted-wordsmith @burninlovebutler @powerofelvis @butlersxbirdy @mooodyblue @samfangirls @foreverdolly @headfullofpresley @mooodyblue @elaaronpresleysgirl @dilfelvis @blurredcolour @kiankiwi @deterioratingxprisons @be-my-ally @ggwritesstuff @plasticfantasticl0ver @stay-wildin @devilsflowerr @precious-little-scoundrel and any others that I may have forgotten! When I add those tags when reblogging your works, I seriously mean what I say 🥵 like DAMN ok y’all didn’t need to eat and leave no crumbs like that but you DID!!!!!!!!!

Also shoutout to the people I don’t really talk to but see in my notifications, I love you guys sm you are my WORLD 🫶🏻

Also I would lastly like to thank Elvis because when I went to go see this movie I was on my graduation trip, fresh out of high school, freshly 19 and it was such a vulnerable time in my life because I didn’t know what I wanted to do or where to go but this wonderful angel of a man blessed me with just a fraction of his beautiful spirit and energy and my life has never been the same sense…. Never in my life have I woken up with such a wholesome feeling in my heart and said “wow, I am so lucky to be able to know about and love this man”. Like I never have loved anyone in this world so much, and I’m sure you all can say the same.

Anyways, I’ll end this before I get too sappy and start crying, but I just wanted to say happy one year anniversary to this movie, and I love you all so much 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

Love, Mila 🥰

#currently celebrating with E’s fave pizza #bbq pizza #just e things #I love you all seriously like so much

54 notes · View notes

sgtmickeyslaughter · 1 year ago

Text

Thank you so much @callivich for taking the time and effort for coming up with these questions, and thank you @such-a-barbarian for tagging me also!

This got long lol

What’s a fic you’ve read more than once?

one of my favorite generas of fic is shameless Mickey worship and for that I aways come back to from head to toe and the many things Mickey Milkovich has been called, Unforgiving Touches and the Feeling of Their Bruises.

also, in no particular order You’re Tough To Love When You Don’t Love Yourself, the broad shouldered beasts series, sincerity is scary.

for something a little smutty go back to sleep has always been a favorite of mine

and as always, my favorite fic of all time Boy In The Box

What’s a gifset you always have to reblog?

i love that gif set of Ian sniffin’ on his husband, also I think there’s one thats a compilation of Mickey’s best smiles through the series, gorgeous.

this beautifully edited (?) gifset I stg this is better quality than the actual show idk how they did that

this gorgeous art/gifset is awesome also!

this one is very important to me but man it hurts

another heartbreaker

everyone say thank you gif makers!!!!

What’s a fanart you love looking at?

I literally just saw this one for the first time, it immediately went to the top of my list!!

Its so beautifully done and captures the tone of the original piece so well while also transforming it into a unique moment and commentary on intimacy in their own relationship, ugh, gorgeous

What’s a headcanon you can’t stop thinking about?

creative mickey! the best thing season 10 gave us was mickey and his notebook. i just know when Ian sees that thing come out post canon a part of him locks up in genuine fear

i don’t really think he gets into art persay, but just being a creative thinker, figuring out how to run their business, decorating their apartment, building ian a garden on their balcony when he gets put on the waitlist for the community garden

What’s an idea you’d love to create if you had the time/inspiration?

so I had this idea very vaguely floating around in my head for a while, but it wasn’t even remotely formed, let alone developed and then suddenly last weekend the plot just came to me in that beautiful and cruel way inspiration comes and goes, but it will take forever to write because I want the pace to feel very slow and syrupy and a little dream (or nightmare) like.

i dont want to give away the plot but its very southern gothic, slight true crime elements, cults, slight age difference (younger Mickey)… anyways if anyone from the rural south wants to be on call to explain geography and culture to me, hit me up

i also have an idea for a dirty filthy, nasty smut fic but i would have to post it anonymously i wouldnt be able to look anyone in the (virtual) eyes

What’s something you’ve discovered since entering this fandom? A new trope you love? A different analysis of the show? Something else?

in all seriousness, analyzing Shameless as a show overall is so interesting, understanding each of the characters as case studies in different particular expressions of being raised in poverty, which is what makes it twice as upsetting when someone is like, ‘why would this character do this, thats so stupid’ and the answer is that statically speaking that character was actually very likely to do that because of the circumstances they were born into and the way they’ve been affected by that throughout their life, but okay. I also noticed that a lot of people on here are not from America and I always wonder what their take on the social/political reading of the show, if it feels familiar at all etc..

i also remember the first time someone commented under my fic to be like, ‘why are you giving Mickey a pass Ian did this’, and someone else commented underneath that ‘oh well Mickey did that so he’s a bad person etc.’ and it was just so upsetting to me, I dont see a lot of that on my dash but I just personally believe that if you are judging teenagers/young adults who are in the middle of their first major mental health crisis or who have suffered unimaginable abuse and neglect their entire life, you need to recalibrate your empathy levels

What’s your favourite season? And has this changed after multiple rewatches of the show?

I love love early seasons (1-3) there is just something so nostalgic about it and as a show that’s when the writing was at its most creative and interestingly paced

also who doesn’t love baby gallavich?

What line/dialogue/description from something else (a poem, a book, a tv show, a movie, or something else) do you feel describes Ian and Mickey’s relationship?

Ugh Im so sorry I am going to have to add all the lyrics to In Your Love by Tyler Childers, the inspiration for my first fic title because it is the most perfect song to encapsulate the passion between them and the work and sacrifices they put up for each other

What’s a plot hole you wish had been answered or resolved?

where is mandy? where the fuck is my girl?

also the fact that kevin had a son with v’s mom and just, has no interest in a relationship with him? like that made the story easier for sure but it doesn’t make sense with his character

What scene or moment do you feel isn’t discussed enough?

guys, there is not a scene in this show that we have not done to death already (affectionate)

and you know what? we’ll do it again!

but just for the sake of it, the “would you take care of me if i was paralyzed” scene, you can see that Mickey is almost idk, hesitant? but that’s because he’s really picturing it and that his yes is genuine and thought out, and ian’s face of wonder when he realizes that he has someone who loves him unconditionally and forever? earth shattering

What do you think is next for Ian and Mickey post-finale?

listen, i think the laws of television writers being assholes would dictate that they would give a break up (and maybe reconciliation) arc which is my least favorite television trope

but irl? (u know what i mean) i think they do have some hard, stressful times both out of their relationships and in it and realize pretty quickly that they have to work as a team and lean on each other and it only makes them closer

i also think that they simply refuse to sleep without each other, like one night when Ian gets stuck at the gallagher house taking care of sick franny mickey will drive over and sleep in the twin bed with him or if mickey gets wasted on a night out with sandy and debbie and his battery runs out he’ll stumble his ass home instead of going with one of them when they offer even if it takes forever

and ian grows his hair and stubble out to look like it does in the most recent photos (fluffy mullet) and mickey adores it he can’t keep his hands off his husbands head it’s a sensory dream

Thanks again for tagging me!

i’ll tag @stocious @mybrainismelted @sirrudo @solitarycreaturesthey @juliakayyy @jrooc @jezzibelle89 @i-think-you-mean-reduction @iansw0rld

#tag game #sgt says

22 notes · View notes

h0ney-gl0ws · 2 years ago

Note

Hi! Just found out in the Greek mythology, Hypnos had 3 sons?? So I was wondering if you could write hcs of Hypnos being a dad to triplets T.T I think it’d be really cute,, Ty!

Omg yes of course I can! This IS a really cute idea! I did a bit of research of my own on the subject and obviously got a lot of different information on his sons, so I’m gonna do what I do best which is headcanons lolol and take some creative liberties with these cuties.

Anyways, thanks for requesting, your patience, and enjoy reading!

Word Count (approx): 744

Hypnos! Parenting headcannons!

Three kids that are all the same age are quite a handful, especially when they are equipped with omnipotent powers

So whenever he is in a bind with the young ones and doesn’t know quite what to do, he turns to the greatest parent he knows. His mom :)

Seriously, Nyx, has so many kids and she has experienced having three young ones at once as well. Practically the same situation. And while she may not have been the best parent to Hypnos he still loves her with all of his heart.

Alright, let’s address the cuties separately starting with, Morpheus, the eldest of the triplets. He has the ability to manipulate the dreams of gods and men. Because his powers are very potent he is the loudest, and the most rambunctious of the triplets.

Hypnos finds his son’s energy a bit hard to deal with when he’s awake, but he has such a kind soul, and gives Hypnos the most pleasant dreams. He just adores how cheery Morpheus is, though, it’s refreshing to have someone else smiling around the house.

Often times Hypnos will pass Morpheus over to Zagreus to watch for some time. Zagreus does not have the ability to sit still for more than a few minutes, and has no trouble keeping up with the eldest of the triplets. In fact, Morpheus returns to Hypnos tuckered out from spending the day/night running around attempting to keep up with the Prince. How ironic.

Overall, Morpheus really loves his father, and Hypnos loves Morpheus in return.

Next is Phobetor, he is a timid yet mischievous kid. He is the personification of nightmares, and he appears in dreams in the forms of animals and other nightmarish beasts.

Phobetor often hides away, he’s not as energetic as his elder sibling, and is more similar to Hypnos in that matter. But Hypnos has to be weary of falling asleep when he is around.

Phobetor is unsettling, and since he’s so quiet he uses those abilities to his advantage by playing little “pranks” on people around the house by giving them a “little” scare.

Dusa, honestly, almost turned him to stone once from how bad he got her. Hypnos had to give a lecture on not messing with the staff after that incident.

Phobetor gets along really well with Uncle Thanatos. Thanatos can also seem pretty scary due to his outward appearance and somber attitude. So most children shy away from him, except Phobetor. Phobetor finds him to be tolerable, unlike the loud prince who is unbearably cheery. So, Phobetor was kind of drawn to his uncle. He’s mesmerized and very curious about his uncle’s line of work, knowing that while it is unintentional he sparks fear into the hearts of the mortals. He likes to listen to Thanatos’ stories of the mortals that he brings in, the way they died and such, it gives him inspiration for his next big “prank”

Last but definitely not least is Phantasos. Phantasos is the god of surreal dreams, he appears as inanimate objects in prophetic dreams.

Phantasos is calm, and wise for his age. He’s pretty cryptic as well though. Hypnos finds it hard to understand his youngest son all the time, but with some help from his mother they are usually able to figure out what it is he’s trying to say.

Phantasos is nearly always talking with his grandmother Nyx, he’s enthralled with his three aunts, the fates, and uses Nyx as a sort of bridge of communication between them. Nyx often has messages for the youngest triplet from the fates themselves. They give him glimpses of things yet to come, so that he may tell humanity through the means of the dream world.

Hypnos is a pretty good dad, much to everyone’s surprise, for the most part his kids are polite, friendly, and are mindful of their responsibilities to the house. And while Hypnos isn’t the best parent around, he has people to help him get back on track when he falters. 7/10 parenting :D

#hypnos hades #headcanon #request #thanatos hades #zagreus hades #nyx hades #dusa hades #h0ney gl0ws works!

67 notes · View notes

goodhickey · 8 days ago

Note

1,9,13, and 15 for the ask thing!!! <3

YAYYY THANKS

1. what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

Dogs and wolves are number one, seriously. As a kid, I bonded with my first real best friend over our shared love of wolves, and I would talk to anyone I could about dogs. When times were hard for me, I could count on my dogs to be there. Studying dogs and wolves more closely has helped me to better understand people through the lens of animal behaviour, and has led me to my current job which is the only one I've ever had that's truly fulfilled me. I think about dogs and wolves often, and without my love of them I don't think I'd be who I am. secondly, my father. I don't think I could ever be the person I am without him. he is the most kind and empathetic person I've ever met, who taught me the value of doing good deeds in my community and in my family without needing to be asked. his kindness is infectious and makes me feel good to help others, and the relationship I have with him is one I wouldn't trade for the world. my only tattoo (as of now anyway!) is one I got because it reminded me of him. I can show it off if anyone wants to see, lol. for my last thing though, I'd have to go with an easy answer, one that applies to pretty much everyone: the internet. I'm a very socially averse person - not by choice - and have always found it extremely difficult to put myself out into the real world and meet people. online, I've been able to meet people from all over the world who have offered me perspectives and kindness I couldn't have found in my local community, even if I weren't too cowardly to look. my best friends in the world are people I never would have met in my life without the internet, and they've all shaped me in ways I don't think even I'll fully comprehend.

9. tell a story about your childhood

this ones a bit bittersweet, but this is always the memory that comes to mind when someone wants to hear an anectdote about my childhood. the last time I ever saw my childhood dog was a rainy day, when I was eleven years old. my parents are divorced, and the dog was my dad's, so I only got to see him every other weekend. but we were the same age when they adopted him, and so we were both eleven then. I had no way of knowing it would be the last time I ever saw him - as a child, I couldn't note any symptoms of anything to come, and it's not as if anyone would have told me. he liked to try and jump on me, but at his age and weight all he could do was rear up on his hind legs like an old horse. a few winters prior, my dad had built the old man a doghouse of his own, with a porch and a heater to keep him warm. it was a sunday, and we were playing in the yard. or, as much playing as he could do anymore. I didn't really mind him being slow. as a baby, they'd set me on his back and pretend to let me ride him. I was more than okay carrying his weight this time around. but it started to rain hard after not too long - and PNW rain storms are no light business. but I didn't want to leave him just yet, knowing that going inside meant finding my father waiting to drive me back to my mother's, somewhere I'd rather not be. so we retreated to the doghouse - comfortable enough for us both to fit inside, my dad was kind to his dog like that - and sat there for a while. he and I were both wet and panting, staring out into the endless sheet of rain as it poured over the grass. I held him, then, seeking warmth and maybe for someone to tell me I'd be okay when I left. I remember him pressing into my chest and sighing. maybe it was then he decided he had done everything he ever wanted. my dad found me in the doghouse not long later, helping me out as I waved goodbye to my beloved yellow lump. I found out only a few days later that he had passed in his sleep. peaceful, just fell asleep and never woke up. I sometimes wonder if, in his last dream, he could hear rain pooling on an old patio roof.

13. what are you doing right now?

laying in bed. I've been awful lazy the past few days. currently snacking (cheez its) in the dark with a candle going. might pick up my copy of the terror again, though it's been a while since I've read it.

15. what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

a doghouse.

#thanks for these #i really enjoy delving into my personal life honestly #its nice to know anyone cares #sorry if my dog story was too sad #asks

4 notes · View notes

daemonoferror · 2 years ago

Text

Asgard's Bard- Chapter 3

TW Phobia of birds, swears, Heimdall not being in a heimdall x reader fic.

Summary: Odin got you a gift, how nice of him! Also PROBABLY musical historical inaccuracies? Sheet music definitely is wrong. But I tried my best. My defense is if it's wrong, the dwarves or Aesir probably invented it early, okay?

--------

You're grateful when sunlight floods your room and signifies the start of a new day. At best you got in a nap, but you aren't tired. You feel energized, and the sun rising finally means it's a reasonable time to get out of your room.

Before leaving you made sure to grab the talharpa and its bow off the wall. It's not as familiar to you as the lyre, but it's close enough. You're just excited to play something at the pub, a personal mission in mind to breathe life into the space often occupied by the dead warriors.

You step out of your room and to the hall. You set the instrument on the table, and get a plate of food. It occurs to you that you could eat at the pub, but perhaps it's better to delay your arrival, as to not be cooped up in a tavern all day long. You sit down with a large plate of food, and an herbal drink with it. It looks and smells delicious. You only get a few bites in before a booming voice behind you makes you jump, almost choking on your food.

"Bard." Thor says. You start coughing, sending little shocks of pain through your back. You had almost forgotten that pain, your soft bed doing wonders for it while you laid awake, antsy.

"Thor!" You exclaim through your final coughs, taking a drink to help. "You startled me. How may I help you?" You clear your throat.

He stares you down, and you cannot see a single thought behind those sad eyes. "The All-Father is waiting for you outside." He says after a moment.

"This early? What for?" Thor shrugs, but for a split second there's a smile on his lips that he has to force back. He clearly knows something, but you'll let it slide. "Well, can I finish my breakfast first?" You ask, it'd be so sad to throw away a perfect meal.

Thor seems to think for a minute. A long minute, long enough to make you wonder if he's telepathically communicating with the All-Father for an answer. "Yes." He says at last, and he sounds confident in the answer. So much so he sits down next to you, making you smile as you take another bite and thank him for his patience. "What's that?" He asks, pointing at the talharpa.

"It's an intrustment, pretty similar to a lyre or harp, just with a bow string." You explain in between bites of food.

He chuckles, "I had thought your instrument came with a weapon." He says, pointing at the bow for it.

It makes you snort, "Ha! Yeah, you might get one good wack in, but it couldn't hold an arrow if that's where your mind goes."

"Good to know." He jokes, though he seems to seriously take note of the information.

"I was going to play it at the tavern today." You mention in between bites, "I guess that'll have to wait a while now." You mumble.

"I'll bring it with me. Was heading there anyways." Thor offers immediately. He reaches out for the instrument, and picks it up with more care than you'd expect- like he'd break it if he wasn't extremely gentle.

Figuring you'd be tired or busy with whatever the All-Father needed you for, you protest "Sure, but the All-Father's-" Thor interrupts you.

"It won't take you all day." Thor dismisses with a shrug, "probably." He tacks on. He's smiling again, and something tells you he's not great at keeping secrets. Part of his no thinking policy, perhaps. At least it reassures you whatever the All-Father wants isn't dangerous, or grueling. It's exciting, and encourages you to eat faster.

You shrug, and agree to let Thor take the instrument with him. "Alright. Thank you, Thor." He only grunts in response. You try to chat a little longer as you finish your meal, but the conversation dies fast. Thor doesn't seem to like speaking more than he has to, and clearly nothing else you have to say is interesting enough to him. Still, he must appreciate your company because he stays by your side until you finish eating.

The empty dishes clatter a bit as you stack them together and pick them up, sliding out of your seat to properly put them away. "I'm gonna head out." Thor tells you as you clean up, standing up with the talharpa in hand. He didn't wait for you to say goodbye before he started to leave, and soon after you'd follow after him out of the great hall.

All-Father is waiting right outside for you. He smiles when you step out, and extends his arms to you. "Ah! There you are!"

"Apologies for being late-" you start, you had no right to keep a god- much less the All-Father- waiting.

"No, no, don't worry about it. You're here now, that's the important part. C'mere, there's somethin' important I need your help with." Odin beckons you to follow him, but you're weary. A few feet away is a swirling circle of black feathers, just like the one Odin had stepped into yesterday, and been swarmed by ravens before disappearing. It was deeply unsettling to you. You knew of tales of Odin using the birds to travel, but it seems quite impractical and truthfully horrifying in person. Imagining a raven full of hatred flying straight at you made you grimace, and had you frozen in place. Odin recognizes the fear in your expression, walks beside you, and pats your shoulder, "I know, it's scary the first few times. But they're harmless. They can't move you anywhere if you don't allow 'em to, and it's so fast you don't even notice you left the ground. It'll be fine!" He reassures you, and gives you a gentle shove to make you stumble a couple feet. It's exactly what you needed to remind yourself you can walk, taking a few small steps towards the circle.

You do your damnedest to steel your nerves. You have to trust the All-Father, and you don't want to waste his time. So with a deep breath and one big step, you enter the circle.

"Ha! There you go!" Odin laughs, standing beside you as you squeeze your eyes tight. The flapping of wings and occasionally squawk makes you flinch. Hundreds of birds circling you almost like prey- it feels nightmarish. For a split second the ground is gone from under you, and your heart drops to your stomach. You nearly collapsed on the ground when it's over. You try to catch your breath, not quite sure where it went in the first place, a hand over your pounding heart.

Odin chuckles, "See? Not that bad." But his expression falls, seeing how shaken up you are, "Eh, well, you'll get used to it." He dismisses. Yeah, you'll get used to it, you repeat to yourself. It was only for a second, you're okay. Once your breathing evens and the ground beneath you feels stable under you, the realization you're in a new place sinks in, and you look up.

It's the middle of a city. There's a large statue next to you of Odin- at least the depiction of him you knew before meeting him. The town seems to be built around the lush greenery of the realm, the beauty of which could make you jealous compared to Midgard. It's extremely humid, almost unbearably so. The most stunning part though is the architecture. Small circular houses and buildings built into the landscape. Everything looks expertly crafted, with ornate details.

"Welcome to Svartalfheim." Odin says, and the name instantly clicks with you. The home realm of the dwarves. The craftsmanship makes sense, then. "Follow me." Odin commands, and you do as told, tripping over your feet a bit, excited to see more of the land's beauty. "So," All-Father begins as you walk. Out of nowhere one of his terrible ravens swoops out of the sky, straight towards you. Terrified, you duck, but the bird lands perfectly on Odin's shoulder. "Muninn found this last night." You straighten your posture to look at what All-Father was holding. A torn piece of paper. "I'm assume it's yours?"

The poem. Shit. Throwing it to the ground probably wasn't the best idea. Should've burned it instead. "Oh, yes. I'm sorry, let me just-" you go to take the page from him. He obviously tries to hold it away from you, but he's slow. It's enough to make you pause and give up, though, to ensure you don't seem rude.

"Eh, don't worry about it. Just know for future reference, Asgard had very strict rules against littering." He chuckles, "I take it your first time meeting Heimdall wasn't all you imagined?"

"Not- quite." You say begrudgingly, reminding yourself you're speaking to his father, the All-Father, who might not appreciate someone speaking negatively of his son.

"Yeah, he can be an asshole." Odin laughs, and his blunt reply makes you laugh too. "What'd he do now? Insult you? Yell at you? Accuse you of treachery?"

"Sort of all of it." You admit. The two of you walk across a bridge, which Odin stops in the middle of and turns to you.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. You'll have to excuse Heimdall. He takes his job very seriously and- and, well, I think he worries." Odin shrugs with a heavy sigh. He nods to himself, satisfied with his answer, and continues walking.

"Worried? He knocked me to the ground instead of just asking me to step away from the lift. I'm sure he was so worried." You grumble to yourself sarcastically. You could almost feel the sharp pain in your stomach where the hilt of the sword hit you.

"Yes!" Odin answers despite you clearly not trying to speak to him. You worry you've struck a nerve, he seems passionate while he explains, "He's especially particular about no one going up on that wall. Thor went up there when he was drunk once, right? Dumb bastard lost his balance and fell off." You gasp! You had no idea! You'd never heard a story about it before either. All-Father just shrugs, "He had mjölnir, he was fine! But Heimdall hasn't liked anyone else on the wall since." His expression softens, he seems to realize he told a secret not meant to be shared and quickly tacks on, "ah, I probably shouldn't have mentioned it- it's a sore topic to both of em. You won't say anything, will ya?" He chuckles, a little embarrassed. He's like any other parent realizing they telling an embarrassing story about their kids.

"Of course not." You promise with a big smile. You could write a song about the great fall the God of Thunder took off the wall, and the horrified look the Watcher of the Aesir wore as he witnessed it. Except that seems like an excellent way to make an enemy of two gods, and would not bode well for you.

"Good. We're almost there, it's this building right up ahead." All-Father directs the both of you back on track. You can hear muffled music from inside. It's not a tune you recognize, in fact it sounds unfinished, by the sudden pauses after a note that didn't quite fit in, followed by the same melody with a new note. Still, the parts you could hear were beautiful, and the chance to meet a fellow bard was one you always met with excitement.

The building you enter is a forge. The heat inside doesn't offer relief from the humidity outside. In the corner of the room, the one furthest from the furnaces and other equipment, was a dwarf, sitting on the floor with an instrument in his lap. "Ah, All-Father. We were starting to wonder when you would arrive." He says curtly, without looking up or breaking from playing.

"All-Father!" Another dwarf drops what she's working on with a surprise gasp, turning to the both of you.

"Yeah yeah, it's me." Odin addresses the startled blacksmith. "Is it ready yet?" He asks impatiently.

"Yeah, of course! I put it away so it wouldn't get dirty. I'll go get it." She doesn't wait for a response before shuffling off to a connecting room. Odin seems annoyed by this, crossing his arms and tapping his foot as he waits.

In the meantime you walk over and address the guy playing music, "That song is beautiful."

His eyes dart up to look at you, seemingly accessing if you could be mocking him. "Thank you." He says, with a little semblance of a proud smile. "It's still a work in progress, something is off, just can't place what."

"Maybe you could try-" All-Father interrupts you, just now noticing you two talking.

"Ah, yes" He introduces you to the man and then tries to do the reverse, "and this is, uh, uh-" he snaps his fingers, as if trying to remember as best he can the man's name.

It goes on for an embarrassing long time until the man gives in, "Raeb." He answers for the All-Father.

"Raeb, Raeb, of course. He's a... uh. I don't know? A musician of some sort?" All-Father states with a shrug. He's clearly disinterested, but perhaps feels it important to talk, even if he has nothing to say.

"Sure." Raeb doesn't agree or disagree, but is clearly irritated. There's obvious tension between the dwarves and Odin. Neither of them seems to like the other, or even want to tolerate the other's presence. But the All-Father has been nothing but kind to you, even without being an Aesir. So the hate doesn't make much sense to you. "And you are the new 'bard of Asgard'? I am riddled with envy." He says dryly, words saturated with sarcasm. The smile on his face tells you he's joking, but the remark makes Odin scoff.

"You do not have to converse with him. It's probably best to ignore him." He advises you. Raeb takes this as his que to turn his attention back to his music.

You frown and tell him, "it's always nice to meet a fellow bard, though."

"Likewise." Is his short response, not looking back at you, indicating the interaction was over. At the same time, the other dwarf re-enters.

"People gotta stop moving my things." She mumbles under her breath. "Sorry bout that! Here it is." She beams.

She holds out a lyre, like the one you had at home, but so much grander. It's made of a red wood, with the sides plated in gold. It's covered in engravings, and you can tell it took a lot of effort and care to create. It's a beautiful instrument, and with a nod of approval, the woman walks past Odin to hand it over to you. You think this must be what had Thor so happy, the surprise All-Father had planned, but you didn't assume anything until it was in your hands. You treat it as if it's made of glass and easy to break, beford slowly looking to Odin with a speechless grin.

"Well? Play it. Make sure it's in tune and such." He encourages you, and very carefully you strum the lyre. It plays perfectly, and the strings glow a soft gold after they've been plucked.

"What-" you mutter in shock, turning the lyre back to you to watch the glow settle, the strings returning to their natural color.

Raeb speaks up at your wanderment, "I prefer mechanical elements to mine, but magic works just the same. Sort of." He mutters the last part with a shrug.

"Raeb was a big help. Don't let him fool you, he was so excited someone wanted a musical instrument. He had so much fun designing it." The lady, who apparently will stay unnamed, tells you.

"Well, it was all my idea. Unless you hate it. If you hate it, then... er, I don't know why we came here, why're we here?" All-Father looks around the room as if he's just an old man with a failing memory. When he's done with the bit, he laughs, "You don't hate it though, do you?"

"No, I love it, it's gorgeous! Thank you!" You beam brightly, holding the lyre close to your chest.

"Glad to hear it. In that case, we shouldn't linger. I have another matter I need to discuss with you." Odin kind of abruptly turns to the door, starting to leave without another word.

"Oh. Yeah, well- good day to the both of you!" You tell the dwarves as you leave so you can keep up with All-Father. Raeb waves to you in reply. A little ways away from the store, another circle of ravens are forming, and you feel your stomach twist. "What is it you want to discuss?"

"Well, it'll be easier to explain back at my study. There's a piece of music I want to give you. It's special, though, I found it while exploring the realms." His explanation stopped short as he stepped into the circle. He looks at you and frowns at your apparent uncertainty. "You ready?"

You take a deep breath and nod. You take a big step into the circle and stand beside him. As you close your eyes tight and hold your breath, Odin grips your shoulder. The birds flock around you, and it's still just as terrifying as before, but this time your brain knows enough to block it out, like a performance you were nervous about. The hand on your shoulder reassured you, to. When your feet didn't touch the floor, you figured it had to be already because Odin didn't budge in the slightest.

When it was over, All-Father patted your shoulder before stepping away. You breathe out and open your eyes. You're in Odin's study, and he's already scouring through each shelf and drawer for the piece of music.

"So, you've noticed all the snow in midgard, right?" Odin mentions as he searches.

"It's fimbulwinter, isn't it? You inquire. It had been here for over a year, with non-stop snow, but some people were still insistent that there was no way fimbulwinter had started.

"Yes, unfortunately." Odin sighs. He grabs a book and flips through it, stopping on a certain page and tearing it out. "But, I have a hunch that this can stop it." He grins and holds the paper up. "The title roughly reads 'rebirth of spring'. I found it originally carved in stone in Alfheim, and wrote it down in hopes one day I would find someone talented enough to play it."

"And I'm that someone?" You try to feign confidence and not laugh picturing yourself as some hero.

"Exactly. Now take this," he pushes the paper into your hand. "And I want you to take the next few days to learn it. Can you do that?" You look at the sheet music, it seems simple enough.

"Yes. A few days is all I need." You assure him with a nod, and he chuckles. In a few days you might regret promising that much, though.

"Good, that's what I want to hear! Go on, I've got some work to catch up on- and hey! Now so do you!" He laughs, shooing you away as he returns to his desk. As you leave he calls out to you, "Oh! And you are becoming a wonderful addition to Asgard!"

The affirmation makes your smile so big it hurts your face. You're not just a midgardian getting in the way, you're a useful member of Asgard! It feels amazing, and powerful. You walk proudly back to your room.

You sit down at your desk, lyre in hand and sheet music in front of you. With your new found confidence, you pick the first measure of notes. You think you do it correctly, but the notes sour when you play, instead of glowing gold, the strings glow a blood red. Your eyebrows furrow, and you try again, slower to ensure it's right. Once again the chords sour. Not only do the strings glow red, but an unnaturally quick annoyance falls over you. You grit your teeth and fix your posture. You huff, "okay. It's just dissonance. It's supposed to sound bad, songs do it to create interest. Just. Keep. Going."

You play the next measure, and it sounds worse than the first. "Shit." You cursed under your breath, "am I playing in the wrong scale or something?" You check, but there's nothing written to indicate one way or another. You still try adjusting the notes and replay the song. It's an improvement, but there's still some bad notes that irk you. You try to push through them and continue the song with hope it'll improve.

You play for hours, you start to lose track of time. Adjusting the notes only does so much to fix the music, and no matter how much you try to push past it, the awful sound grinds on you, makes you impatient and angry. Your teeth could just shatter from how tightly your jaw is clenched. The sound is terrible and hurts your ears. The strings do more than glow, they start to burn with every bad note you play. You don't even notice the cracks forming in the ground beneath your feet.

Something snaps within you after playing a particularly awful measure. You shoot up from the chair- knocking it over in the process- and throw the lyre down. "Shit! Fuck, fuck! Fuck this!" You scream, clasping your hands over your ears and crouch down. You can't recall ever being this angry over something so simple. Music takes patience, you know that. You shouldn't be mad, you just are.

"What are you throwing a tantrum about?" Sif's annoyed voice in your doorway catches you off guard.

"It's not me! It's this fucking lyre!" You yell. You stand up, stomp, and point at the offending instrument.

"You need to calm down." Sif orders, "I will not stand for this tone of yours." Her voice is fierce and not to be trifled with.

You scoff, but she stays and watches you pace around your room for as long as it takes you to calm down. "Why're you here?" You ask, wishing she wasn't as the anger tugged at you.

"Thor asked me to drop this off for him." She raises up the talharpa for you to see, before setting it in its place on the wall. "He was disappointed you didn't show up today."

The rage quickly switched to guilt. You promised Thor to play at the pub, but you had forgotten all about it by now! "Oh no! I didn't mean to, I didn't realize it's gotten so late!" You whine, putting your head in your hands.

"My husband does not need more reasons to drink. He needs to be a father to his daughter. It's probably for the better you didn't go." Sif assures you. She enters your room, picking the chair and lyre off the ground. "It seems you've been busy anyways. What are you working on?" She asks, tilting her head as she notices the music sheet on the desk.

"All-Father wants me to learn this in the next few days." You flop down on the bed as you explain. "But it sounds terrible."

"Hm. Did All-Father write this?" She wonders allowed as she reads over it.

"He copied it from a stone carving." You explain with a sigh, an ache in your back as you try to relax into the mattress.

"So maybe he just wrote it down wrong. Suppose we change the notes so they fit basic music theory?" She suggests and looks over at you.

"What? No! This is important, I need to play it just as it's written. There's no way the All-Father would mess this up." You protest and shoot up in bed.

"Sometimes it's necessary to break the rules." Sif states with an almost mischievous grin.

"Not when it's from the All-Father! I'm sure he'd know-" Sif cuts you off.

"The All-Father is an," she scoffs, "intelligent man. But he's called All-knowing because he wants to know everything. Not because he does know everything. If he did, he could play this piece without your help." She hands you the lyre back, and sits down in the chair across from you. "You need to be more confident in your own abilities. Forget this song for a minute." She slides it further down the desk, out of your sight. "Why don't you play a song you're familiar with?"

You don't know if you feel like playing after earlier, but you still ask, "like what?" To humor her.

"I don't know. What's the first song you learned?" A lullaby. You hadn't played it in years, but without much thought your fingers pluck the right strings. It's simple and sweet, but you get lost in playing it. The strings are a soft glowing warmth under your fingertips, no longer violent and burning like earlier. You start to feel tired as the song ends, and even Sif yawns. "That was lovely. Do more of that." She compliments as she rises for the chair.

"Thank you." You speak quietly and rub your tired eyes. You might actually be able to sleep tonight, you think.

"It's late. Get some sleep, worry about fixing All-Father's mess in the morning." Sif wishes you a goodnight before leaving your room, closing the door behind her.

Before you go to bed you play the lullaby one more time. You fall asleep only halfway through it.

#heimdall x reader #heimdall gow #asgard's bard #x reader

71 notes · View notes

writer-rubes · 8 months ago

Text

Head in the Clouds

A Wholesome Fic

A/N: Here’s part two! Seriously, go follow @fluffyhare if you haven’t yet. Their work is so cute, romantic, and precious! The relationship Avery and Casper have just melts my heart! They’re also just- a really sweet and caring person overall. So go follow them- But if you’re a minor, please don’t interact with them, they hate that. Then again, if you’re a minor, you shouldn’t be interacting with me, either. Please be respectful. Thank you.

Anyways, this chapter does have tickles in it! The first one was some needed exposition, now we’re getting into the good stuff. For this one, we’ve got Ler!Avery, Switch!Casper, and Switch!Rubes. I’m saving Avery’s session for last. This is very self indulgent, so- here goes nothing. Also- it’s way longer than I expected it to be-

————————————————————————————————————————————

Head in the Clouds

Chapter 2/3: Uncommon Bonds

Summary: Rubes visits Avery’s place with Casper, and they have a very important conversation about her notebook, and her place in the ‘community’. Fluff and shenanigans ensue.

CW: Insecurities, Trans Body Dysphoria, Anxiety, Panic Attack, tooth rotting fluff, SFW tickles

Casper and Avery belong to @fluffyhare

————————————————————————————————————————————

I was happy with the new friends I had.

Avery and Casper were incredibly fun to be around. Casper was such a joy to talk to, and when Avery wasn’t around, we’d talk for a long time. Avery was so kind, gentle, and considerate. I never saw him alone, Casper was always there with him. Which I thought was cute.

Casper made good on his promise to see me in the library. He came in to say hi while picking up books for Avery. And sometimes he’d ask me to come over to his apartment after work. I exchanged numbers with him and Avery. I just loved that I was their friend, even if it felt like I was a third wheel sometimes. But they assured me I wasn’t doing anything wrong. They wanted to hang out with me.

They wanted to hang out with me…

That in itself warmed my heart. Though I had family and friends online, I didn’t have many people in real life. And I didn’t have family living with me. I was alone. And being around a sweet person like Casper, and someone as whimsical and awe inspiring as Avery, it made me feel like I meant something.

Little did I know, one month after our first meeting, I’d get involved in something I thought only happened in stories.

————————————————————————————————————————————

I didn’t have work today, so I was just sitting on the couch in my apartment. It was evening, and I had some calming music playing in my earbuds, and I was writing in my notebook meant for my serious writing. Not my wholesome stuff.

I was frustrated. I had realized when I got to work a month ago that I had lost that pink notebook. The one with all of my wholesome writing, and tickle stuff in it. I looked everywhere, but I couldn’t find it. I searched the beach several times, and I was too scared to ask Casper and Avery for help. I was worried someone found it and looked through it. I got a new blank one the other day, but my filled one was still out there.

A knock on the door snapped me out of my worry. I stood up, setting my blue notebook on the side table. My worries could wait. My cat, who had the personality of a dog, rushed to the door the moment she heard the knock. I pushed her back with my foot to make sure she didn’t run out the door. I opened it, and I smiled slightly seeing the friendly face of Casper.

“Hey, Casper.” I said, resorting to picking up my cat to make sure she didn’t get through the door. “What brings you here?”

“Hey, Rubes.” Casper smiled as I picked up my cat. “I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to Avery’s place tonight.” My eyes widened slightly.

“Casper, are you sure?” I asked quietly. “I mean… That’s a big thing, and I already feel like I intrude on yours and Avery’s relationship as is. I don’t even know where he lives.”

“Oh, he lives in an old lighthouse on an island just off the coast.” Casper replied.

“What?” Then again, that wasn’t too big a shock. He can’t exactly show himself in public that often. He was usually in Casper’s apartment. And when he was in public, he was wearing a human disguise, which I learned how to spot.

“Well, you’ve never been there.” Casper said. “And Avery said he wants to talk with you.” My heart sank as Casper said that. But I forced that dread down.

“Okay… let me just get my cat to not chase me out the door…” I picked up a catnip toy, rattling it to get her attention. I threw it, and she chased it across the living room. She nuzzled into it, and flopped on the floor.

“Aw, what a cute kitty.” Casper said. I nodded.

“She’s very sweet.” I grabbed my bag, making sure to grab my blue notebook instead of my newer pink one, and I made sure to lock my apartment door. Casper walked with me out of the complex.

Casper and I went to where Avery planned to meet up with us, when my heart stopped for a brief moment. I recognized this place. It was the same pier I was thrown off of. I still wasn’t over it despite it being over a month. I hadn’t gone to that pier since. And I was afraid that the figure who threw me in would return. Casper walked onto the pier first, but I stopped right before walking on the wooden part.

“Rubes, what’s wrong?” Casper picked up on my fear immediately. I sighed softly.

“This was… where I fell.” I whispered. “I’m worried it’ll happen again, and that…” I trailed off. Casper put a hand on my shoulder.

“It’s okay… I was scared too when I first fell. But I try not to associate the pier with… falling off. I associate it with when I met Avery. If I hadn’t fallen off, he wouldn’t have saved me, and we wouldn’t have fallen for each other.” He tried to assure me. “So try to associate the pier with meeting Avery. Like I did.”

I tried to think of that. How Avery saved my life. How I could keep breathing because of him. How I enjoyed a cup of tea with them on the foggy beach. All those lovely times over the past month were because of him. So I took a deep breath, and took those steps onto the wood of the pier. Casper smiled at me.

“See? It really helps, doesn’t it?” I nodded slowly.

“It does… thank you, Casper.” I whispered. He nodded.

“Anytime.”

As we walked down the pier, I kept trying to think about how the cloud saved my life. How I had so many fun experiences because of him. That really comforted me as I walked down the pier with Casper. Wow, that tactic really worked. When we reached the edge, Avery was awaiting us. He was leaning on the wall separating the pier and the ocean.

“Dewdrop, you made it.” Avery floated to Casper and gave him a kiss on the forehead. “And Rubes, so wonderful to see you.” I smiled at him.

“Hi, Avery…” I whispered. He chuckled softly.

“It will be an honor to have you visit my home. I tidied up just for our guest.” Avery stared up at the clear, starry sky. “Come on, you two. No time to waste.” I nodded.

“Okay… Casper said you lived on an island, right?” Avery nodded at my question before I continued. “So… where’s your boat?”

“Avery doesn’t have one.” Casper informed me. My eyes widened slightly.

“Right, Avery’s a cloud… But what about us?” Avery chuckled.

“I can just carry my Dewdrop over in my arms. But for you, I can carry you with my wind abilities.” My heart stopped at that idea.

“What?!” I backed up a little. “Are you insane? There’s no way that’s safe!” Avery chuckled at my reaction.

“Now, my dear. I will not let anything harm you. I assure you, it’s completely safe. It startled my Dewdrop the first time it happened, but he grew to have fun with it.” He held out his hand. “Do you trust me, Rubes?”

I thought for a moment. I had seen Avery’s powers before. They were fantastical, to say the least. He felt like he came straight out of an old storybook. And he’s been so kind so far. He’d never let me fall.

“Yes, Avery… I trust you.” I took his hand, and he led me back to the edge of the pier, where Casper was eagerly awaiting us.

“Now, let’s get going. We have much to discuss.” Avery chuckled.

Without warning, he scooped Casper up in his arms, bridal style. Despite expecting it, Casper yelped. Avery leapt up from the pier, floating in the sky with Casper safely in his arms. Casper clung to Avery’s shirt. I stared up at them, awe inspired. With a flick of his fingers, a strong gust of wind swirled around me, and lifted me up into the air with them.

“Avery!” I screamed as I was lifted up.

My eyes were practically glued shut, I was shivering from fear, muttering ‘I’m gonna die’ over and over again. But after a moment, I gained the confidence to force open one eye. Then the other. Surrounding us was a clear night, a sea of stars above us, and the deep blue ocean below.

Whoa, what a view, I thought to myself. I could even see the lights from Port Oleander from here. And what a feeling, too! I thought the feeling of flight and weightlessness only occurred in dreams, or in stories. Yet here, with Avery, they were real. I admired the beautiful sights around me, and the adrenaline from this feeling. It was a rush.

I laughed in merriment as this feeling spread endorphins all throughout my veins. Avery chuckled at hearing me laugh. And he hadn’t even started his plan yet…

————————————————————————————————————————————

We arrived at Avery’s lighthouse. Though it was abandoned, it was oddly welcoming. Maybe because I knew it was the home of such a kind cloud. He landed on the balcony of the lighthouse. He lowered me down until my feet were planted on the ground, and the whirlwind around me vanished. I grabbed the guard rail of the balcony. I was relieved to be on solid ground again, but the rush of adrenaline from that flight was unbelievable.

“Wow… that was wild.” I muttered as Avery set Casper down.

“Yes, flight tends to give quite the rush.” Avery chuckled. He opened the door to the inside of the lighthouse, letting us both in before entering himself.

My eyes practically glowed with endearment. He had turned the lighthouse into a lovely home. There were bookshelves lining nearly every wall, there was a study desk with papers over it, and a big, fluffy bed on one side. There was even a table and chairs.

“Your home is beautiful, Avery.” I told him. Avery chuckled.

“Thank you… Now, how about I make some tea while we discuss a… special matter.” Avery went to his tea cabinet to make it for us. He had a tea cabinet? Lucky!

However, I felt a bit nervous. They brought me here to talk with me. What exactly was it about? Did I do something wrong? Was I being annoying to them? I knew I was awkward and weird, but they could have at least texted me about it! They both had my number! I gripped the edges of my skirt as an anxiety response.

“I know that look, Rubes.” Casper suddenly piped up. I turned to face him.

“Casper?” He smiled at me before speaking.

“You’re anxious. And that’s okay. Honestly I might feel your freakout secondhand.” He muttered. “But trust me. If we had a problem with you, we would have told you a while ago.” I nodded slowly.

“But… I’m just being a third wheel to you.” I muttered. Casper shook his head.

“No, no… You’re not. Avery and I hang out all the time. That’s our own special time. When we hang out with you, it’s different. We want to spend time with you, not just each other. You’re our friend.” A soft smile appeared on my face.

“Thank you, Casper…” I muttered. Avery returned with a few teacups, and he placed them in front of us. I nodded to thank him, and I drank from the teacup. Vanilla chai… my favorite.

“Now, Rubes…” Avery began. “We brought you here to discuss something we discovered on the first day we met.” He walked over to a shelf, and I was confused.

That is, until he pulled out my pink notebook, the one I had lost.

The one that had all of my tickle writing.

My face turned completely pale.

He handed it to me, and I snatched it from him. I held it protectively to my chest.

“Before you ask…” Casper spoke up. “We already read it.”

I whimpered softly, my cheeks going from pale to red. So they knew. They knew of… that part of me. I thought I had kept it under lock and key, but it seemed I couldn’t get anything past them.

“I… If I had an explanation for why I have that notebook, and why I… have that content within it, I’d give it to you in a heartbeat.” I told them. My heart rate went up as I spoke. The first sign of a panic attack. “I don’t know why I’m so obsessed with… this! I never knew why, even now, as an adult!” Tears built up in my eyes, and I was struggling to breathe. I was so afraid. So afraid I would lose them because of this.

“I hate that I have this part of me! I don’t know why I have it, but I do! And no matter how hard I try to get rid of it, let it go, or just forget about it, I can’t! I don’t know what is wrong with me, or why I have this weird, childish, and gross obsession!”

Eventually, I couldn’t speak anymore. Tears were flowing down my face, it was burning red from embarrassment and fear, and I was gasping for air. I was panicking. But I couldn’t stop it. I was lightheaded, and I felt frozen in place. Both of them knew what was going on. This was a panic attack. Avery rushed in front of me to console me.

“Hey, hey…” He spoke in a comforting tone. He placed both his hands on my cheeks. His hands were so soft, and cool against my hot face.

“Oh, Rubes…” He muttered, wiping my tears with his thumbs. “We’re not judging you. Not one little bit.” He spoke in the gentlest tone I had ever heard. “Neither of us are upset, or weirded out by your love of tickles.” My cheeks turned redder when he said the word. Without breaking a sweat, even.

“And believe it or not… we both have the same interest as you.” Casper admitted to me. I gasped softly, and turned to face him.

“What? You… you do?” I asked, sniffling slightly. Casper nodded.

“Y-yes.” Casper’s own cheeks turned red. “Avery discovered it just two months after we started dating. And… we use it to bond a lot. He’s… really good at it…” His voice got quiet as his cheeks burned.

“See?” Avery smiled at me. “We’re not judging you. Not one little bit. In fact, we’re delighted to have someone who sees tickling in a similar light to us! We accept you for who you are. Every part of you.” He kept his hands on my cheeks, and tilted my head up so I’d look at him.

Upon hearing what Avery and Casper said, it made my heart feel… warm. Warmer than ever. I was beyond relieved and happy. I started to calm down, and my panicked tears switched to happier ones. Suddenly, Avery held me in a firm, yet gentle hug. I was briefly stunned by the action. But… it meant more to me than he might think. I returned it, resting my head on his shirt. He was much taller than me…

“T-thank you…” I muttered through my tears. “But even if you are accepting… I didn’t want you to find out through my notebook.” I admitted. “It’s… really embarrassing that this was the way you found out…” Avery nodded.

“Yes, I suppose so. And I apologize for looking through it without your permission.” He spoke as he ran his cool, plush fingers through my short hair. “If it makes you feel any better, your work is lovely. And quite adorable.”

I sniffled, and let go of him. I wiped my tears with my sleeves, but Avery fetched some tissues for me instead. Casper rested a hand on my shoulder.

“We’re not going to see you any differently because of it.” Casper assured me. He took his hand off my shoulder and stood by Avery’s side. “Besides… you didn’t judge me when I told you about my queerness…” I nodded slowly, but glanced away.

“That’s different, Casper…” I muttered. “You struggled with it for so long. And I don’t know what it feels like to be you. With that struggle of not feeling like yourself in your own skin… I can only imagine how it feels for you.”

“And I appreciate that you respect it…” Casper told me. “Not everyone did. Some did after a while, some never respected it. You and Avery… you respected it immediately, and saw me the way I was on the inside.” He smiled brightly.

I wiped away the rest of my tears with Avery’s tissues. They were both so kind.

“Of course I respect it. I tend to look for what’s on the inside. Not surface stuff. I’ve had a lot of trans friends, and... they all struggled like you. I’ll only see you as how you feel on the inside.” I told him.

There was silence for a moment, before Avery shattered it with a question that got my cheeks flaring.

“So… about that ticklish part of you… Does this mean you wanted some of what you wrote to happen to you?” I took several deep breaths before answering.

“M-maybe?” I knew I couldn’t hide it from them anymore, even if I tried. Avery chuckled as I spoke.

“So, care to say your alignment, then?” He asked.

“I beg your pardon?” I said, confused. Casper laughed slightly.

“He means are you a lee? A ler? Somewhere in between?” I finally understood when Casper used those terms.

“Oh… I’m a switch.” I muttered. “But I lean more towards a lee.”

I realized one second too late that I might have made a mistake saying that…

“Well…” Avery chuckled softly. “Perhaps we could indulge you?” He offered. He used a gust of wind to push me backwards, onto the soft carpet.

“Whoa, wait!” I cried in shock, covering myself. “I-I haven’t gone through this in years, I don’t know if I’ll… actually still like it!” Avery’s smile only got bigger.

“Well, let’s find out if you truly do enjoy it, shall we?”

I panicked, and tried to run, but I felt Avery grab me by my hoodie. With one fell swoop, he pulled it off me, leaving only my light pink shirt underneath. That wasn’t decent protection at all.

“No!” I squeaked out. Avery turned to Casper, and they nodded to each other. Casper sat down on my knees so I couldn’t get up. Avery used one hand to pin my wrists. He didn’t pull them over my head, but I couldn’t move them to protect my torso.

“Oh, so you also beg despite not meaning it?” Avery teased. “You’re more like my Dewdrop than I thought. Besides, I read that notebook cover to cover. I know what you want, Rubes.” I whined in response.

“Casper!” I cried, trying to get some sort of help from him. Casper just smirked.

“Sorry, Rubes. Nothing I can do. Besides… Avery will probably go after me, next! So I’m enjoying this while I can!”

“That’s right, Dewdrop~” Avery teased. “But for now…” He smirked at me, with a smirk I never thought he could produce.

“C-can’t we talk about this?” I asked, hoping that he wouldn’t. But at the same time, a craving started surfacing. One I hadn’t felt in years. Avery was right, he was about to give me what I had been deprived of for so long. I had a whirlwind of excitement and dread within me.

And here I thought this stuff only happened in the stories I wrote!

“I’m afraid not, my friend.” Avery chuckled. “Now, let’s test the waters, shall we?”

I gulped, but I knew I couldn’t really do much about this. I already let out a startled squeak when I felt him trace a single, soft finger across my stomach. I bit my tongue, trying to keep my giggles in. I wasn’t sure why. Why was I being stubborn when a part of me wanted this?

“Oh, let those giggles out, dear.” Avery said in a teasing tone. “Nothing’s stopping you.” He chuckled, adding more fingers to gently run over my stomach.

I bit down harder, feeling embarrassed. My heart rate went up, and I felt like my face was going to burn off. But a quick stroke over my navel shot a ticklish shock through my body and up to my head. A squeal escaped me before I could stop it, and giggles spilled out of my throat. Now that the dam was broken, Avery took it upon himself my tease me more.

“I’ve never heard you laugh like this before…” Avery mused. “My goodness, it’s even squeakier than Casper’s! And almost as loud, too!” Casper blushed as he said that.

“I’m not that loud!” Casper retorted. Avery just chuckled.

“Oh, Dewdrop. I’m surprised you haven’t gotten a noise complaint from how hard and loudly you cackle.” He teased, making Casper’s blush deepen.

“Apologies, Rubes. My attention shifted.” While he was teasing Casper, he had kept his fingers on my stomach, gently wiggling them over my stomach. That was even worse than just running his fingers over the spot.

“I-I can’t!” I squeaked out through my laughter.

His touch was even more gentle than I thought it would be. His fingers were soft and plush-like, even with my shirt. And he was gentle, too. Extremely gentle. He was a scientist, and a cloud. He definitely had the hands that worked with delicate instruments, and his cloudy body made his fingers softer and smoother than anything I had ever been tickled by. Avery let out a bigger laugh.

“Oh, come now, dear. You can’t tell me you’re not having fun. You’re barely even struggling~” Avery sang. “And your laughter just sounds so happy. Like you’ve been rectified after all these years~”

His teasing only made it much worse, and my giggles escalated. I struggled to move on the carpet, but Casper sitting on my knees prevented most movement from there. And Avery holding my wrists with one hand kept me from pulling them over my stomach, and crawling away. He chuckled and stopped for a moment, and slowly lifted up my shirt to just below my lower ribs.

“No! No!” I begged through my giggling. Even if he had paused, I still had the giggles, and they were not leaving me be. Avery smirked and shook his head.

“Oh, Rubes… You told Casper and I that you thought you were overweight.” He said in a gentle tone. “But you really aren’t. You’re beautiful just the way you are. Besides, there’s just more tummy to tickle. Is that such a bad thing?~”

I shook my head, but he tauntingly wiggled his fingers above my bare tummy. It was bad enough with my shirt covering it, but the idea of those soft, plushy fingers on my stomach with no shirt protecting me made me start giggling before he even started. Before I could beg more, I felt his soft, smooth, and cool fingers wiggle against my bare tummy, occasionally dipping into my navel.

“Eek!” I squealed out, bucking as hard as I could. My giggles turned into laughter, and I didn’t know how much more I could take.

“Oh, what cute laughter.” Avery mused. “And it’s just one hand on your tummy, and you’re already in a happy laughing fit. I didn’t realize you were this ticklish. Almost as much as my little Dewdrop. He’s so ticklish that even a breeze could get him to giggle.” Casper’s face burned as Avery said that.

“Who are you trying to fluster? Me, or her?” Casper cried through his embarrassed whines. Avery laughed seeing Casper melt.

“How about both? Two flustered red faces are better than one.” Casper and I both whined at the same time, though my laughter made it sound far different from his.

“Now, I wonder how you would react with two hands on that ticklish tummy of yours…” Avery chuckled. My eyes widened through my laughter.

Before I could say anything he lifted the hand tickling me, and snapped his fingers. Two ghost hands appeared behind them, and snatched my wrists. This time, they lifted my arms above my head. I yelped, and bucked, but neither Casper or Avery got off, and those hands didn’t let go. This was mind-blowing that this was actually happening. Outside of just… writing it myself.

“This isn’t fair!” I cried through my nervous giggles.

“Oh, I’m just getting started.” Avery smirked, and glanced behind him. “Casper, would you be a sweetheart, and lend me hand? Her knees aren’t gonna tickle themselves.”

“No, please!” I begged, feeling Casper’s weight shift to my calves. “Aren’t I suffering enough, Casper?” I struggled, but I still could hardly move my legs at all! Casper smirked at me, just like Avery.

“Come on, Rubes. We all know you’re hardly suffering.” Casper stated. “We read that notebook. We’ve got a lot of things that can be used against you~” He started to gently squeeze my knees, and flutter his fingers on the front and backs of them. My leggings offered little to no protection against his touch.

“Casper!” I squealed out, laughing again.

My knees weren’t as ticklish as my stomach, but Avery’s teasing had already weakened me. Speaking of Avery, he started using both his hands on my tummy. One wandered around it, even gently pinching my sides on occasion just to get a squeal out of me. The other stayed near my belly button, tracing around it, and dipping in a few times. All the while, he was teasing me, asking me how much it tickled, or how they weren’t judging me for that notebook, or my love of tickles.

Any coherent thought was out the window for me. This felt like I was living one of my notebook writing pieces. This was torture! They were killing me! But at the same time, this felt… satisfying. For years, I just wanted someone, or something, to make me laugh my troubles away. To tickle me until my brain turns to mush. To tease me and tell me that I wasn’t a freak…

And these two seemed happy to give me that comfort.

One this was for certain. I was happy.

But I could only handle so much. And due to being so touch starved, my tickle tolerance was lower than it should have been. My cheeks were red, and laughter tears were running down my face. Avery could tell I needed to breathe, so he stopped, and got Casper to stop too.

“Are you alright, Rubes?” Avery asked me. I nodded. Though those ghost hands still held me firm.

“Y-yes…” I muttered. Avery gave me a few minutes to catch my breath. My goodness�� that was a rush I never thought I would feel again. I had brothers, and they tickled me before… but it was nothing like this.

“You’ve got a nice laugh, Rubes.” Casper mentioned. “You’re real sensitive, too… Almost as much as I am…” He chuckled nervously. Avery laughed slightly.

“See? You understand, Dewdrop.” Avery and Casper got off me, and helped me up. But those ghost hands still remained. They held my wrists just above my head, just barely exposing my armpits. Avery smirked once more.

“Now… I have one more spot I would like to try. Then I’ll let you go. You think you can handle it?”

I gulped, knowing exactly where he was going to go. Under my arms. They were about equal to my stomach in terms of sensitivity. But that meant it would be just as unbearable. Casper backed off, his cheeks turning red again.

“Besides, this is just another way to tease my Dewdrop~” Avery mused. “Their worst spot is here. And it’ll be fun to watch him get worked into a tizzy.” He tapped my left underarm with one finger, making me squeal. Casper covered his face.

“Avery!” Casper whined. Avery chuckled.

“Look, Dewdrop. Here’s what’ll happen to you, next.” He gently wiggled his fingers underneath both my arms, making me let out a scream so loud that Casper had to cover his ears.

I tried to tug my arms down, but those ghost hands held firm. They were not letting go, or even budging when I pulled. Though his fingers were over my shirt, it offered so little protection. It tickled so badly, and I had no way to stop my laughter, or my squealing. My cheeks turned red as the cloud teased not only me, but Casper too.

“Oh, this must be awful for you, Rubes. Or is it thrilling? I happened to notice the high amount of underarm tickles in your notebook. Almost as much as tummy tickles. Perhaps telling me your favorite spots to be tickled?~” He laughed, continuing to gently tickle under my arms.

“Kitchy, kitchy, coo~”

I practically lost it. Combined with Avery’s gentle fingers, his teasing just made it all the more torturous, and exciting. I felt lightheaded, either from the lack of air, or the thrill I was getting from this. Maybe a mix of both, even.

It felt like an eternity, but in reality, it was eight minutes. Avery stopped his tickling, and let go of my wrists. The ghost hands disappeared, and I fell to my knees on the floor. Avery chuckled, and bent down. He placed a hand on my cheek.

“Now do you believe we won’t judge you?” I nodded slowly, too out of breath to speak. He smiled gently.

“Good.” Avery said in a gentle tone. “Those who judge you for this aren’t worth it. You are an incredible person, and just because you love tickles doesn’t make you weird in our eyes. In fact… it makes you more fun. You have such a sweet laugh.”

I sniffled slightly. I felt tears in my eyes. They were happy tears this time… Avery and Casper were just some of the sweetest people I had ever met. Without thinking, I wrapped Avery in a tight hug. He smiled, and returned it, rubbing my back with his hand. His touch was so soothing… Avery let go after a moment, before smirking again.

“Now, let’s hope you recover quickly so you can help me tickle my Dewdrop.” He said, making Casper perk up.

“Avery!” Casper cried.

He tried to run, but a pair of ghost hands quickly snatched his wrists and pulled them just above his head, like they did with me.

“Now wait a minute! This is cheating!” Casper yelped, struggling to pull down his arms, but those ghost hands had an iron grip despite being soft.

“Avery, please!” He begged, already giggling despite us not touching him yet. Avery chuckled.

“Come now, Dewdrop. This’ll be fun for all of us.” He turned to me for a moment. “I’ll tickle his neck, you tickle his tummy.” My smile faded when he told me that.

“I don’t know, Avery…” I muttered, backing up a little. “I don’t have that much experience with… this.” Avery laughed.

“It seems you can’t say ‘tickle’ either.” Avery teased. “Just like Casper. But if you’re really afraid of hurting him…” He handed me a couple of feathers. “Use these, Rubes. They’re gentle, with no chance of hurting him, and they’re very effective.” He fluttered his fingers over Casper’s neck, making him let out a higher pitched squeal than he’d like to admit.

I gulped slightly. I had tickle fights with my brothers before, and they were always a rush. However, my brothers always tickled me roughly, so I did the same back to them. But I had never tickled anyone with feathers before. Were they really as effective as they were in the stories I’ve read and wrote?

Only one way to find out.

“Sorry, Casper… Actually, I’m not. This is kinda just revenge.” I giggled slightly. I slipped the feathers underneath his shirt, and brushed them all over his tummy.

Casper screamed. He didn’t think feathers would be that effective, either. They weren’t as firm as Avery’s fingers, but they were soft and wispy, just enough to get the nerves stimulated.

“Avery! Rubes!” Casper cried, squirming as much as he could. But neither of us let up.

I was almost always the one receiving tickles, so it was kind of odd giving them after so many years. But at the same time, it was so liberating. I never thought I’d get the chance to tickle someone like this, with feathers for that matter. It was a completely separate feeling from being tickled, yet it gave the same rush.

Avery smiled listening to his little love’s laughter. It made him feel butterflies, and it only made his love for Casper grow. And Casper? Though he was begging through his screams of laughter, he was having fun. I was being gentle with him, and Avery knew exactly where to get him to get laughter.

Avery and I kept tickling Casper for almost twenty minutes, with a few breaks here and there. When Avery stopped, so did I. I pulled the feathers away, and the ghost hands released Casper’s wrists. Casper collapsed to the floor, taking several deep breaths. He was exhausted. Avery picked him up, and rested him on his fluffy bed. Rubes smiled slightly.

“You really love him, don’t you?” I asked. Avery nodded.

“Yes… He’s the light of my world. He means so much to me. And I appreciate that you’re there for him.” I nodded slowly.

“Of course… He’s so sweet. And talented…” I stated. Avery gave Casper a pillow to cuddle for a bit, while he led me back to the balcony.

“Come on… I’ll get you home. We already decided Casper will stay with me tonight.” Avery flew up into the night sky above, and that familiar whirlwind swirled around me, and carried me up with him.

Though the view was beautiful, and it felt incredible to be weightless, I was too exhausted to really feel the same rush. He had tickled nearly every bit of energy out of me, and that only increased while I was tickling Casper. Avery brought me back to my apartment window. It was pulled open, and he gently set me down inside.

“Today was wonderful, Rubes. And I’m so thrilled you’re a member of the community. I hope we can have fun like that again soon.” I nodded sleepily, and he flew off into the night.

I shut my bedroom window, and I went straight to bed. I was exhausted, but in the best way possible. I yawned, and flopped onto my bed, my cat hopping up and curling up next to me. As I drifted off, a small smile stayed on my face.

I was happy they accepted me.

#sfw tk community #sfw tickling community #ocs #others ocs #this took years off my life #istg #but it was worth it #because its so cute #i hope you like this #but this is pure self indulgent crap #so just a warning

4 notes · View notes