#anyway ive been thinking about it since yesterday i love them a lot

[fore-seer]

i don’t really ship owain with anyone in either game he’s in but he’s such a good dad to ophelia that i can’t imagine him not having her, and i had the idea yesterday that it’s severa he approaches about wanting a kid bc after their time in fateslandia with inigo the three of them are bonded for life anyway and she’s the only one he trusts with something like that

[mymindcreatedthis]

Massuse in Need 18+

Reader x Katie McCabe

Warning: Smut! smut! Smut!

Word count: 4.2k

*Y/n's Pov*

"Come in" I announced to the sudden knock at my office door, checking my paper work to find out who my next appointment was with.

Katie McCabe was my next and also final appointment of the evening.

A long busy Sunday full of constant massages and treatment for the players helping them recover from the game yesterday.

I was glad I was on my last appointment, even more glad it was with Katie, someone who I get on with and can have a laugh with very well.

"Here for my appointment Y/N" Katie said as she made her way in, closing the door behind her.

"Take a seat on the bed" I said with a smile tapping on the bed.

Katie lifted herself up and she sat on the bed watching as I began to get myself prepared.

"Have you got any slight pains or achiness I need to know about so there not worsened" I question, pulling up Katie's medical records to see if anything had been noted I didn't yet know about.

"There's only one things aching right now since iv walked in this room and I think it's something you could deal with" Katie said with her cheeky smile, her strong Irish accent sounding stronger then ever.

"Stop Katie" I giggled shaking my head. I could feel my face becoming more and more red.

"Your my last appointment, please don't make this difficult" I asked putting my gloves on after reading there were no real current problems Katie was currently facing.

"Haha I'm sorry, I'll be on my best behaviour from now on, well I'll try to be anyway" Katie said with a smile. The smile I knew all too well from my 4 years of being at Arsenal that she in fact was not going to make this easy for me.

"Right then" I said with a smirk. "What are we working on today then" I questioned, standing up off my seat, making my way over to the bed.

"My hamstrings and calfs feel really tight" Katie explained to me.

"Okay, can you lay down on your stomach for me" I asked.

Katie did as I asked immediately, laying on her stomach, her hands by her side.

I knew I shouldn't, it was bad of me but the view I had on Katie's ass was mesmerising. It made me throb immediately as it just sat there, looking so perfect, so round.

Snapping out of it I began to rub Katie's calf, digging my thumbs slightly into her muscle.

"How does that feel?" I ask.

"Uhhh, it already feels a lot looser" Katie groaned as I continued to rub up and down her calf.

After applying pressure on her calfs, I moved up towards her hamstrings.

"Can I fold your shorts up a little bit from the bottom" I asked, my eyes glued to her ass.

"Fold them up as high as you'd like" Katie laughed.

I could feel myself throb under my shorts as I began to fold her shorts up, shaking my head at her response but not giving her the answer she wanted. I didn't think I'd be able to answer with the thoughts going through my head.

The way the bottom of her ass cheeks appeared at the bottom of her shorts, practically leaking out from how big her ass truly was, was a view I'd love to stare at forever. I could feel myself growing inside my shorts.

I began to slowly rub up and down the back of her thighs the same way I did with her calf's relieving any stress her muscles may be feeling.

"Iv Umm, iv got Ireland camp soon, do you think I'd be able to book back in with you when I get back, it would be next Wednesday?” Katie asked.

"That's actually my day off, I'm sorry" I replied to Katie, resuming the massage in her thighs.

"Arhh okay, it's just iv been struggling with my legs and you're the best around, it's okay though" Katie explained.

I didn't say anything at first, my eyes still glued to the way her ass jiggled every time I pressed down on her hamstrings. I couldn't get enough of it, the view.

"I'll tell you what, come to my house on Wednesday, iv got everything at home" I offered.

"No, it's your day off I don't want to bug you, that's not fair" Katie exclaimed.

"Nope it's happening, your coming on Wednesday" I laughed

"You just can't get enough of me can you darling" Katie giggled as she spoke sarcastically.

"Don't get any ideas McCabe" I laughed back at her.

A few more minutes past filled with constant groans leaving Katie's mouth from the massage, I was done

"I feel so much better already" Katie laughed as she sat up on the bed.

"I'm glad" I smiled. "Iv sent you my address okay"

"Yeah iv got it, thank you so much Y/n" Katie exclaimed getting off the bed, grabbing her belongings

"It's okay"

*Wednesday*

Wednesday soon came around, leaving me sat nervously waiting for Katie to knock on the door.

Everything set up and ready for her. Shes been on my mind all week, so much cum wasted on the thought of her ass, not being able to get it out of my head.

I could feel myself getting hard just the thought of being able to see her again, led on the table, me rubbing my hands up and down her body.

A knock on the door soon brought me back to reality. Standing up I made my way to the door met with Katie on the other side.

"Hey" I said with a smile. "Please come in"

I followed behind her as she placed her bag on the ground. "Iv got everything ready so when your ready we can begin"

"Okay Y/N sounds good, can I use the bathroom to get myself ready" Katie's asked.

"Yeah of course it's just out into the hallway, the first door on your left, tasks your time"

"Thank you"

Katie grabbed her bag back off of the floor and followed my directions to the bathroom. It wasn't long before she returned back, wrapped in a white tower, her hair put into a messy bun.

"One of the doctors at Ireland said to use this, apparently it's really good for the skin, would that be okay" Katie asked showing me a bottle of baby oil.

"Yeah of course, what ever works for you. You can get on the bed when you're ready" I said taking the bottle out of her hand.

She made her way to the bed setup in the middle of the room and suddenly dropped her towel, revealing her freshly tanned body, naked.

"Ummm Katie" I whispered

"Your okay with me like this right" Katie smirked laying on her stomach. "You'll be able to control yourself" she added with a giggle.

I didn't know what to say, or too do. I could feel my dick growing inch by inch by the second.

"I'll. I'll be okay" I stuttered.

Katie had the biggest smirk on her face as she placed her head on the bed. I couldn't help but scan her body, she was driving me crazy.

Slowly walking to the end of the bed, my dick now rock solid I popped open the baby oil. Without warning I began to slowly pour it onto her back, receiving a big gasp of air from Katie from the surprise coldness.

"Rub it in everywhere Y/n" Katie said with a hint of control.

"Everywhere" I said questioning what she said

"Yes everywhere"

I did as she said and began to rub the oil into her skin, her back, her arms. I made it to her ass.

"Fuck" I whispered to myself

"You okay over there" Katie questioned, clearly enjoying the way she was making me feel.

"Y-yes, I'm fine" I stuttered once again

"Good girl, make sure you rub it in nicely for me"

Fuck, she just called me a good girl, I couldn't take this for much longer. I did as she asked rubbing the oil into her ass nicely for her, covering every inch of her ass.

Moving onto her legs I couldn't stop staring at her ass, how it perfectly glistened as I pressed into her legs.

I began the massage as best as I could, fighting back the thoughts on my mind. Little moans leaving Katie's throat as I began to rub up her legs, pressing down into her muscles making her body move side to side, her ass non stop jiggling.

"Y/n" Katie said

"Yes" I replied mid way through rubbing down her hamstrings.

"My ass needs a little attention" Katie said as calm as anything

"Ohh umm okay" I said moving my hands up to her ass and began to slowly rub.

"Grab it" she said, a sense of order

I didn't know what to do or what to say. Deciding to do as Katie said, taking to hand fulls of her ass cheeks.

"You like that" Katie asked me looking over her shoulder

I didn't say a word

"You can be honest, I won't tell anyone" She assured me.

"I do. A lot" I replied, instantly regretting it

"Kiss it" Katie says.

"What?" I ask.

"Now, kiss it" Katie order me

I looked into her eyes as I slowly leant down placing a kiss to her left ass cheek.

"Fuck" I whispered

"How did that feel" Katie asked me a smirk on her face

"So good" I said embarrassingly.

"Iv noticed you've been hard all day baby since iv got here and at our last appointment" Katie explained. "So I'm going to help you" she added.

"O-o-okay, how" I asked confused

"You'll see. First I want you on your knees between my ass, licking my pussy. Can you do that" Katie asked as she slowly shuffled to the end of the bed.

"Yes, yes I can"

I got onto my knees at the end of the bed as Katie told me to do. Running my hands up and down her legs, I carefully gripped her calfs pulling her into the position I needed her.

One hand on her back, another on her ass cheek spreading it to the side carefully, I divided into her pussy, taking a long lick.

"Fuck, good girl, don't stop" Katie moaned, shuffling her ass into my face.

I don't stop, I'd never dream of stopping. This is all I'd been thinking about. Katie and her perfectly sculptured body. Her perfect ass. I began to lick up and down her pussy, every so often dipping my tongue inside, each time Katie let a moan of pleasure leave her lips.I tried to take a tighter grip of her ass but her oil made it impossible to grip.

"Spank me" Katie order with a moan

I didn't think, immediately spanking her ass. The moans she made, how she instantly became wetter as I felt it on my tongue told me she liked being spanked. I did it again, and again, and again. Each time receiving a louder moan.

"Good girl, keep going, you're gonna make me cum" Katie yelled as she reached over pressing my head as far into her ass as she could.

Knowing she was close I began to quickly dip my tongue in and out of her pussy. This bang to make her legs shake her pussy began to leak as she let out a deafening squeal.

"Ohhhhh fuck, fuck stay there fuck, in cumming" Katie yelled.

I stayed still as she rode out her high on my tongue, tasting the heaven that left her pussy.

"Fuck, Y/N" Katie whispered with a hint of exhaustion. "Take them clothes off and get on this bed, I need to feel that dick of yours" Katie said as she shuffled back to the top of the bed.

"Yes ma'am" I began to take my clothes off getting completely naked and joined Katie on the bed, she was there on her hands and knees, her body still glistening from the oil.

"Fuck me, be a good girl"

I lined my dick up with her dripping pussy, before pushing in I tapped her back.

"Are you sure about this" I questioned still unsure if this was a good idea.

Katie looked back at me with a smile and threw her ass back, swallowing my dick up inside of her, her ass rippled from the force she used.

"Fuck okay, you are, you are sure" I moaned gripping her hips.

I gave in, on top of the massage bed I began to thrust in and out of Katie. First going slowly letting Katie get used to the size. Gripping her hips tighter and tighter. How tight I gripped her would have definitely left marks but in that moment neither of us cared, all we cared about was the pleasure we were being put through.

"Fuck Katie, your ass looks so good oiled up" I moaned with the biggest smile on my face, the realisation hitting I finally was getting what I had been craving for, for so long.

"You like the way, fuck, you like the way it jiggles" Katie moaned, the head face down on the bed.

"So much" I say.

I moved my left hand to grip at her ass as best as I could, a struggle because of the baby oil plastered over it, but I made it work.

"You are actually so tight Katie" I moaned as I began to thrust in and out faster and harder than before.

"All for you" Katie moaned

I began to speed up my thrusts, getting faster and harder as I slammed into Katie, sweat beginning to form on my forehead. This was the best feeling in the word, how nicely my dick went in and out of her pussy, such a hypnotic sight.

I placed my spare hand on her lower back getting a full grip of her lower body as I could feel myself getting closer and closer.

I didn't want this to end, the sensation I was feeling. The way her pussy swallowed my my dick up so nicely, so perfectly. The way her ass rippled after every thrust, the noises leaving her mouth. It was truly a dream come true.

Every ripple her ass made caused my cock to twitch inside of her tight pussy. I reached over placing my hand in her head pushing her into the massage bed more and more.

*creampie*

There was nothing I could do. It was always going to happen as I felt my balls tighten and the sense of relief leaving my body as cum exploded out of my dick.

"Fuck Katie, fuck, I'm cumming" I yelled as I spanked her ass for the first time as she pushed her ass against me, making me go as deep as possible.

"Good girl" Katie moaned with a satisfied voice.

I pulled out, hypnotised by the way my cum slowly dripped out of her pussy.

"Fuck" I whispered to myself slapping her ass once again

"We're not done yet" Katie laughed as she got on her back. "Cover me in that baby oil, I want to be glistening as you fuck me" She added passing me the baby oil back.

I smirk as I feel my cheeks turn red, as I slowly begin to drizzle the oil over her front, biting my lip. I began to rub the oil over her body, covering her stomach and gripping her boobs

"You look so sexy" I moaned as I as I'm hypnotised by the sight in front of me.

I played around with her nipples as I continued to oil up her boobs getting carried away.

"That's enough playing" Katie said as an order

"Yeah, yeah okay" I coughed as I got in between her legs and lined my dick up with her entrance.

I slammed into her pussy and began to thrust in and out taking the view in of her boobs bouncing around. The way the oil all over her body glistened in the light. I leaned into her and placed a kiss on her lips.

"So good" I moaned placing another kiss before pulling away.

"Fuck Y/n. Such a good girl for me" Katie moaned as she closed her eyes.

All I could do was moan as the words left Katie's mouth. I gripped her hips and began to hammer into her as hard as I could. The harder I was going the more I thought the massage bed was going to break underneath us but I didn't care, this felt too good to worry about a bed.

I snaked my arm from her right hip to her leg and placed it over my shoulder, allowing myself to get deeper into her pussy. As soon as I did this I let out the loudest moan, an all new sense of feeling flew through me as I continued to hammer into Katie. Her moans in her Irish accent kept me going, somehow my cock getting harder inside of her.

I grip her leg that I had thrown over my shoulder and began to kiss up and down her calf. Watching the way her pussy swallowed my cock up whole with no problem was mesmerising, a perfect fit.

The slapping noises of my balls hitting off her ass was a noise I would never get bored of.

"Oh god Y/n fuck, why haven't we done- done this sooner" Katie stuttered.

"I don't know baby" I moaned as I didn't slow down. "Just - just know this won't be the last" I giggled as I began to stutter myself the feeling running through my body taking over my mind more and more.

My mouth hung open, Katie's eyes rolled to the back of her head. I took her leg that was already over my shoulder aswell as her other leg and pushed them into the air and began to slam into her one last time.

"Fuck Y/N just there, that's the spot fuck" Katie screamed.

I knew I'd hit the spot where she needed me to be as soon as I did this. I continued to thrust into her, liquid visibly gushing out of her pussy.

"I'm cumming, fuck Y/n I'm cumming" Katie screamed as she started to grip the edge of the bed.

*creampie*

The sight of Katie screaming in pleasure, the way her walls tightened around my dick I couldn't hold it in much longer.

My balls tightened for the last time as I screamed in pleasure myself, leaking my seed into her pussy.

We both came together, both of our legs shaking as we came down from our highs, gripping my boobs tightly I looked down at Katie still led on her back.

"More" I asked slightly out of breath as I ran my hand over her glistening abs.

"Definitely more" She giggled.

I pulled out watching as my cum leaked out of her pussy once again, a smile on my face.

"Get down off the bed, I want you bent over your ass all exposed for me" I said as I took her hands in mine and helped her off the bed.

The way Katie smiled, her face turning a shade of red as she climbed off the bed, her boobs jiggling as she did this. She got into position. Her hands on the bed as she bent over. I couldn't resist as I spanked her ass a little hard causing it to jiggle around.

"So good" I smiled too my self getting a little giggle from Katie.

I had a sudden idea, grabbing the bottle of oil still on the side table, I began to drizzle some over her ass and began to rub it in causing her ass to glisten and shine even more.

"Much better" I whispered taking a grip of her right ass cheek.

Slowly I began to tease Katies asshole with my tip, slowly getting her prepared for my length. Placing my right hand on her back I slowly enter her ass, her hands gripping the bed as hard as possible, her knuckles turning white.

"Fuuuuckkk. Y/N, your massive" She yells in a mix of pain and pleasure.

I began to speed my thrusts up, moving my hand from her back to gripping her brown hair in a pony tail pulling it to allow me to get even deeper inside of her.

"This is fucking amazing, you feel amazing" I say softly as I use my spair hand to grab her ass.

Her ass still glistening and shiny from the oil I had spread over it seconds before.

The view of Katie fidgeting from the pleasure, trying to grip any part of the bed she could as I continued to fuck her made me go even faster, turning me on all the more. Watching as her ass rippled after every thrust. Her fat ass bouncing repeatedly off of my thighs was a view I'd dreamed of seeing and wanted to see it all the more.

I move my hands to now be gripping tightly onto Katie's hips, allowing me to pull her into me, allowing us both to get closer to our highs. I began to slam her into me faster and faster, the way it made her ass jiggle against me made me want to explode suddenly.

"Babe I feel like I'm going to explode all ready" I moan, my thrusts becoming slower.

"Fill my ass up, I want you too fill it to the brim" Katie moaned, sweat dripping down her back. "Not a drop wasted" She added

5 minutes passed, the only noises filling the room was our continous moans as I slowly began to reach my high.

"Katie fuck it's coming, I'm about to cum" I moan as I started to thrust as hard as I could.

*creampie*

The grip I had on her ass was unbreakable as I explodes in her asshole. Without being able to warn her properly it was coming.

"Such a good girl" I moaned as my head hung backwards as my thrusts slowed down, emptying every drop inside of her.

I held onto her shoulders as I thrusted as deep as i could inside of her filling her all the way up.

"I think I deserve to use that throat of yours don't you" I questioned Katie as she turned around to face me.

"I think you do" She giggled.

I tapped on the bed insinuating to her to get on.

"Get on that back of yours again, your head dangling over the edge"

With a smile on her face Katie jumped onto the bed her head dangling over the end of the massage bed.

I began to rub my hands up and down her body, my hand sliding around her throat lightly gripping slightly before letting go.

"Fuck, I'm gonna destroy that throat" I whispered with a moan as I began to rub my tip over her lips.

"Open up baby, let me in that slutty throat of yours" I said tapping her throat.

Katie opened on command, immediately I began slamming deep into her throat, causing her to gag.

"Good girl for taking it" I whisper to Katie as I see her eyes begin to water, her arms travel to the back of my thighs.

The pleasure I was feeling, constantly thrusting in and out of her tight throat, hearing her gag every time, the feeling of my balls hitting her nose.

"Fuck Katie, your throat is so tight" I moaned as I took a grip of her right boob and continued to thrust in and out.

Saliva began to pour out of her mouth covering her eyes and nose.

"Fuck, so messy" I giggled

I could feel her begin to struggle, some of the girls talking in the background. I couldn't stop now, I was getting too close. I sped my thrusts up, every time I hit the back of her throat I gained a gag from her. her hands began to grip my thighs tighter

"A little more Katie" I moaned gripping her tit a little tighter, fucking her throat faster.

More and more saliva began to leak from her mouth as I began to bottom out in her throat every thrust I gave her, my balls hitting off of her chin constantly. The way Katie gagged began to make my balls tighten.

*throat pie*

I couldn't take it anymore. With a final thrust, my dick sliding down Katies throat I exploded, filling her throat up causing her to gag and choke.

I pulled out causing her to gasp loudly for air after she was made to swallow my load. Her face covered in saliva mixed with tears from her eyes. Her eyes red, her mascara smudged.

"Fuck that's it I'm done" I laughed as Katie swallowed what she had left in her mouth.

"You taste amazing" Katie laughed as she ran her finger over her lips collected the rest of my cum before placing it in her mouth.

"So when would you like your next appointment" I giggled at her as she did this.

"Urmmm every day" She laughed at me rubbing the tears that had fell down her cheeks.

"I'll definitely be recommending you to the girls" She added with a smile getting off the bed placing a kiss on my lips.

"Not before we get you booked in" I smiled placing another kiss to her lips.

[gorgeouslypink]

hey pink!

i was hoping you could offer some encouragement and advice to me. basically the entire luckyvoidgirl thing yesterday, i acctually liked her success story, it made sense to me and i even listened to cee's subliminal and my parents ended up saying i don't have to go to this dumb event i was dreading so im even seeing successes with it

the thing was she said something that i can't stop thinking about. she said that a lot of tumblr is just misinformation and that the original blog that brought the void to tumblr was divineangelbee and she was exposed for lying about the void. everyone just copied whatever she said and kept spreading the same stuff she put out but her own experience was all a lie. it really got me thinking about how educated this community is about loa, like the void state and loa is so intertwined. luckyvoidgirl never said she used loa and she did something different but she got so much flack bc the void community on tumblr is so deeprooted in loa, possibly bc of angel. but anyways for a community that is so deeprooted in loa, so many people haven't entered and even worse, so many bloggers have been exposed for lying about their success story. the crazy thing is its so easy to lie on tumblr so the fact that so many have gotten caught makes me wonder how many we haven't even caught and really how does a community that knows loa struggle like this.

idk i just can't stop thinking about this and was hoping for some guidance.

hey love! im technically on break but you're not the only one spiraling so i rlly wanted to answer this.

first of all, i want to say she's just lying and this community is great but i can't. the truth of the matter is she is right. the person who brought the void to tumblr was @divineangelbee and she was the one who went around saying it was super easy and anyone can do it and she was and is still pretty much the blueprint for how a lot of voidstate tumblr thinks, but she was exposed for harassing her friends to enter the void for her. since then, many other bloggers who basically parrot the same thing as her have been exposed as well.

however i want to highlight something here. just because someone preaches something and it doesn't work out for them doesn't mean it's false. this is a super old argument, like back when bloggers like cleo and raven were super popular but people were arguing abt Sammy Ingram. basically she was a big affirm and persist girlie and people were going at her for saying this but never losing any weight (her main goal with manifestation was to lose weight but she never did and just gaslighted anyone who pointed it out, saying they were bodyshaming her). while something was off for sammy (maybe she didn't persist or maybe she just didn't bother doing her method at all), her method worked for so many people. there's boatloads and boatloads of success stories from her videos and methods. so someone can be lying about the void and still be giving legit advice.

however, the void state community on tumblr DOES have a lot of misinformation. ive seen people claim the void state is just SATS, just alpha state, theta state, delta state, it's acc just a placebo for you to guarantee manifestations, and all sorts of nonsense. now there's a new addition, people who tell you to pay money and they'll get you into the void state. it's honestly crazy how hard the community went against the luckyvoidgirl but not some of the other stuff i see here.

but anyways, what do you do?

you need to realize that you entering the void has nothing to do with the state of the void community on tumblr. people lying abt entering the void doesnt make the void a lie, it makes them a liar.

ive been in that position where i hailed bloggers and felt attached to this community so drama here messed with me internally. you shouldn't be doing that. please read my Doubts post where i talk about overcoming this and also provide many sources of proof that the void is real so that you don't need to rely on tumblr to know that:

also it helps to find a few reputable sources. i just wanted to give a shout out to someone rn: @voidprincessblog

her page is the page i would recommend to everyone. you can tell the amount of research and effort she puts into every post and you can trust her to be a reputable source on info.

im going to attach this other post of mine for you as well:

i wish you the best of luck on your void journey and hope this helps! 💟

[pnjrnk]

HI GUYS been a minute since ive posted lmao. been busy with Things but yesterday when i saw the frankly terrifying amount of followers i have i decided i should probably post something yay!!! this is a hastily done redraw of that one damstophe drawing i did a while ago

christophes blushing bc he has a massive crush on damien <3 i helped with the tumblr gregstophe resurgence, maybe i can start a tumblr damstophe resurgence….😳

i just love drawing cartoony little guys…. like yeah i have the more realistically proportioned art style but thats no FUNNNN

anyways im thinking about making a post with a little information about me bc i noticed that all the cool art accounts with lots of followers have introduction posts pinned with info about them, but also ppl follow this account for the gregstophe art and not for the Me, so idk lol

[eddiediazismyhusband]

Hello again. Sorry to hear school is stressing you out!! I know there are people who want a super dramatic love confession or realization (and I think it would be fitting and make a lot of sense particularly because of how neither buck nor Eddie seem to think about it a lot when they have their domestic moments) but I think it would be super cute if we have a scene in the kitchen (love is stored in the kitchen)(I love Buddie moments in the kitchen I apologize) where buck and Eddie are just talking while buck cooks or Eddie cleans or something and the other is sitting there just watching as they go about the kitchen maybe buck is talking about whatever he’s been reading about or listening to while Eddie listens occasionally throwing in a comment or joke and you can just feel the ease and love in the interaction and Eddie realizes that this is what he’s always wanted. This is how he’s always wanted to feel about his exs. That buck in his space feels more normal and easy then anything he’s ever done with even Shannon. He either sits on it freaking out a bit or just softly tells Buck he loves him because he needs buck to know that he is loved (that don’t really fit the scene I laid out it would definitely fit better in a situation where buck is full with self doubt and hurt and Eddie needs buck to hear him (because, Evan type thing) and understand that it doesn’t matter if everyone is against Buck because Eddie lives him no matter what but that is why I don’t normally talk about this or write fics. My brain goes everywhere and nowhere or makes things to sappy or sad😔 anyway). I go back and forth on who I want to confess/ kiss the other first but either way I would love a soft kitchen scene

Anyway I would love to hear some ways you think buddie could get together that you think don’t get enough attention or what one of you’re favorite ways it happened was and I hope school gets better!! I hope the state of the fandom isn’t adding any stress🩵🩵 have a good day/ night

I love this song and hope you will to!! I think it’s cute and j like to imagine a scene where buck and eddie get home and fall in bed next each other just completely wiped but can’t quite fall asleep so they just turn resting their forehead together with their eyes closed (or with one or both just tracing the others face with their eyes while they just talk(🤭) to each other letting the comfort of them just breathing the same air calm their nerves until they both just slowly let sleep take them under until they have to go pick Chris up from school

https://open.spotify.com/track/14Lmwi0Quf5tHfsINcYdzi?si=1b6reg8JT_2mGvXFic9sfQ

Enjoy and feel better!! Sorry I didn’t send one sooner I was busy and then I could find a song that for the energy?? Anyways hope you don’t mind me sending a long ask and song again (also sorry I’m kinda a whore for forehead touches and kisses)

bestie im so sorry im just now getting to this one ik it’s been sitting in my inbox since yesterday but i had to scroll back through my account to find a specific post and it toom forever but i found it

I talk here about my kind of “ideal” way for buddie to go canon in s8 in a similar way, but i think having their fist onscreen kiss be in eddie’s kitchen is an absolute must have

but i really do love the idea of them getting together in such a normal casual way bc it would be so refreshing for the show to not make it a THING and just have it be like “yeah, this is right, this makes sense.” and like don’t get me wrong i will take buddie canon however they give it to us, but i like thinking about the soft casual non-dramatic moments too.

I am also a slut for soft forhead touches and i will be suing abc and tim minear for emotional distress if they don’t give us some buddie forehead touches or couch cuddles soon bc it is a psychological need at this point

also i can’t wait to give the song a listen <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas <3

cw/tws for medical stuff, complex family relationships, discussion of death

so, for context, im a regulus black kinnie (itll make sense, give me a sec aha). ive got a difficult relationship with most of my family, but most especially my mother and older sister. my sister is a lot like our family's sirius (except if he still had walburga's narcissism, cruelty and manipulation), and she really doesnt get along with either of our parents. my mother is... a difficult woman, in that she likes to victimise herself in every situation, shes homophobic/transphobic/all the phobics, shes also very narcissistic, and likes to make uncomfortable comments without bothering to be nice about it. all in all, i try not to be around her much. im also supposed to be moving out soon, and planned to minimise contact as much as possible once i do.

to the point: my mother was diagnosed with cancer yesterday. my father (hes kind of a neutral party in the family dynamics, btw) was the one talking to me about it, since she's in hospital at the moment. he said they caught it early enough where a bit of chemo over the next few months should get rid of it and she'll be okay, but 'cancer' is a scary as fuck word. he also then told me that this isnt her first time with it — she had a different type of cancer around 20 years ago.

honestly, i feel like my brain is battling itself about how i should feel. on the one hand, ive been looking forward to not having to be around her now for years, and i hold very little love for her at this point. why should i care? she'll be fine at the end of it anyway. but shes still my mum, yknow? and i feel awful having these thoughts about how badly ive always thought of her and how much ive wanted for so long to get away from her and how it almost feels like this is some sort of sick fucking joke from the universe about how i should be careful what i wish for or something.

this whole situation keeps making me think about regulus in best friends brother(? i think thats the right fic) or p much any modern au where walburga dies so tbh ill probably end up writing a fic about it to cope, but still i just... i guess i needed to tell someone? my father asked me to keep it to myself for now so that it wasnt spread around where we live (its a small area; everyone knows everyone).

and the bit with my sister - as i said, she doesnt get along with our parents. i dont talk to her much anymore either because she seemed to inherit a lot of our mothers worst traits, but im afraid that if we do talk about this then she'll have some awful thing to say about it. she makes some really dark 'jokes' sometimes about suicide and death and such, and im nervous that she'll say something about how she hopes it kills her (again, my sister fucking sick, and has zero empathy), because shes made similar jokes about other stuff in the past. i also dont think she'd understand that im still afraid for our mother even after everything shes done, and i hate the way my sister turns on me and rips the piss out of me when she doesnt like what i do.

it all kind of circles back to how im supposed to feel, i guess. part of me wants to not care and brush it off, whatever, but theres still part of me dying for my mothers love and approval and is terrified of losing her, even with the low possibility.

sorry this got so long, and for how heavy it is. i hope youre doing well cas, and thank you for all you do for us <3

Hi hon!

My god, you ARE a reg kinnie.

Here's the thing- there is not a RIGHT way to feel about those things. You have a complex relationship with your mom, so of course you'll have complex feelings about the situation. You don't need to feel guilty for feeling any certain way, because there's no right or wring way to process this. You're allowed to feel scared and neutral and confused and ambivalent. That's okay!

Your feelings aren't a betrayal to anyone, and you have a right to them. You also have a right to any action you choose to take. Remember to do what feels right for YOU, because YOU are important.

I'm here if you ever need to talk <3

Naming you reg kin anon.

[forcedtogrow]

i js tried on one of my nicer but more forgotten shirts today and when i tried to push it all the way through to get on my arms i heard it rip... was happy for me nd sad for the shirt but it felt so good to see the evidence

also i had push day yesterday and i'm feelin the soreness.,, anyways tho i saw your routines n stuff and the way ours are literally the same is shocking, imo we reallyy should've been gym bros (so that we could hide in the locker rooms and let you use my mouth to appreciate how massive you've gotten and feel muscles push up real fuckin close against each other til you make sure i'm a mess of a man) or smth i'm fr they are too similar..

ok but in full reality. your blog n shit has bent me to your will cuz ?? i was much more domtop before this and now i'm js like..,, affected.. that praise response went straight to my head and before i could feel the confusion i thought of how i could behave.... to be a slut himbo boy instead nd all..,, i blame you for js about everything 😵‍💫 fuck it's gonna frustrate me for a while now

-🦎

I wish I kept more of my old clothes to compare to so I could rip them apart….if i saw that shirt rip id go feral like thats the game 4 me,, i gain muscle most easily in my glutes so ive ripped maybe 10 pairs of pants down the ass since I started lifting.. used to hate it but now i think it’s so hot like I wish someone would film me from behind while im fucking someone, anyway,,

its a goated split and you obviously know what ur doing so ofc we have a similar routine. i think youd make that routine a lot longer tho, and i already get a lot of attention from guys in the locker room. for ref my measurements are shoulders 46 chest 38” waist 32” and ass 40”…. which makes “straight” guys at the gym go absolutely feral, like they literally have to grab my ass or waist or rub my back i s2g this happens to me weekly

I love wrestling and tackling guys to the floor, id be playfully punching you and knocking you to the ground until my full weight was on top of you and our dicks touch “accidentally”

[crazylittlejester]

Got slammed into a fatigue wall so I'm lying in bed and thinking again. :>

I spent a few hours yesterday translating a Skyward Sword fic from English (American) to Portuguese (Brazilian) and I think it turned out okay. (It's probably also half the reason I'm so drained right now but I'm ignoring that.) I swear I have a point I'm trying to make, but it's going to take a few roundabouts to get there.

I've been doing Fic Rec Friday, and I think people like it. I like it, anyway. I've got way too many bookmarks and people keep writing new things, and I think it's fun to look through what I've read during the past month or so and pick something to showcase for the week. I've got a format figured out after a little bit of trial and error and I'm happy with it.

Back to translating. I'm not very good at it because I'm still learning. I haven't taken composition class yet, which is a whole other side tangent, so I'll stop there. But the point is I'm wondering if maybe I should post the links to what I've translated here in a similar format to how I've been posting Fic Rec Friday. I highly doubt many people would read them since there's like... 5 LU fics in total if you put the French and Spanish translations together. And I'm also self-conscious because I'm practically glued to my ENG-POR dictionary at this point. But it's a thought.

Which sort of leads to my next thought being whether or not I should go back to posting the fics I've written here or not. I was posting the Whumptober fics during October but I stopped doing that once the event ended even though I'm still chugging through. I'm definitely doing something to celebrate getting to the end once I finish.

All that to say, I'm not 100% sure what I want to do. I know I want to organize things again (the brain demands it), I'm just not sure if people mind seeing my Ao3 posts of dubious quality. I have more confidence in other people than I do myself, I guess.

Either way, don't feel like you have to give me advice, I just wanted to get my thoughts out there on the topic in case someone else was thinking about the same things. You're always really kind and empathetic and willing to listen to literally anything, too.

PS: I am planning to work on an EAH & LU crossover AU thing once I get myself together.

Okay first of all it’s really cool that ur translating fics. That sounds like a lot of work, but it’s so cool and like damn, good for you dude that’s awesome

Second: I LOVE UR FIC REC FRIDAY, i think we as a fandom should recommend more fics, i love when people share stuff they like and ive found a lot of awesome stuff that way! Plus it’s always fun to talk to people about really good fics :)

If you do decide to post ur fics on here that’d be really cool, I dunno if you mean like whole fics or just ao3 links or a combo of both, but i think that’d be nice to see em. I love opening tumblr and seeing people share their writing, and even if i cant read it right then, i almost always save it to come back to later :)

I’ll always listen to anything people say, and while I may not be the greatest at giving advice, i’ll try my best!! and if anyone else has any thoughts on this im sure they’ll leave a comment of some sorts

(i look forward to the au whenever you get around to it!!)

[transitioningpirate]

today - 03/11 - dates exactly one month since i've started t!!!!! i'm so happy and honestly so pleased with everything. i had a bit of a bad month (got sick, had a bit of a falling out with someone and then i got sick again) but seeing the effects it's had on me already makes me honestly so happy. and thinking about what's to come makes me so much happier!! it's been a while since i realized i actually was feeling excited for the long term future. it's amazing.

here's some of the changes i noticed:

same as the last list - hunger and thirst have increased a lot. the doctor says it's because of my metabolism, it's much faster now. this is good but also bad because i keep forgetting to drink water. this is something that i've always struggled with. before this week, i've already ended up in a hospital because of dehydration like three times. anyways, i used to live in an island, very used to humidity, and this year, for college, i moved to a town that's, like, over an hour away from the nearest beach. it's very very dry. and like i said before, in november we were hit by a terrible heat wave, and it all piled up: fast metabolism, heat wave, dry place, me forgetting to drink water frequently, and you guessed it: i ended up at the hospital yesterday :(. had to take some pain meds and some saline, but im totally fine now, and ill make sure it doesn't happen again!

so much more energy. i know i said this already, but it's crazy, seriously, i have so much more energy just in general, for everything. it's amazing. ive been sleeping better, eating better, working harder, studying more, it's crazy. my mood has increased a lot, too, actually, especially after my second t shot.

irritability, but i think this has more to do with my personal life. a bit of tmi here: i was seeing someone until not long ago but some not-very-nice stuff happened, and i asked for a break (with no intention of returning, mind you, despite what he so confidently claimed) and immediately after realized i very likely had an sdt for the first time in my whole life. for the record, this is the only person ive slept with this whole year, basically. so. yeah, i was stressed, you can say that. spent a bit of money on meds, and im already feeling much much better, but it definitely took me down for a couple days, emotionally and physically, and i honestly think my irritability came from that, but maybe t had a hand on it too? who knows

two friends of mine claimed im growing a moustache, but i dont think so yet. i already had a very thin very small moustache before, and maybe it's getting a bit thicker? i haven't noticed it personally except in one (01) picture i took with a weird lightning. im not sure... but i like to think so! maybe it's just starting to get thicker and it'll actually grow eventually!

acne. i bought a soap for my face specifically, and i use it everyday, sometimes twice a day, so it's not as bad as it could be, but it's definitely present. mostly in my forehead and my chin. it's easily taken care of, though, and doesn't hurt and barely shows, so it's whatever

my voice has definitely gotten deeper! not significantly so, but it definitely has, it's noticeable, and i love it so much. i love listening my own voice. i love listening to myself talk. i love it, love it love it love it so much. i record so much more audios on wpp now, i like hearing them back, i like hearing myself!!!!! it's the best. ive never felt this way about my voice before. im so happyyyy <3<3

it's so hooooot god i feel hot almost all of the time, everywhere it's warm and i sweat sooooo much. doubled my deodorant use and i have no regrets. it's not a bad thing, but it is mildly inconvenient sometimes, ngl. living in this hot as all hell town definitely doesn't help. ive wore more light and freeing clothes and it actually helps a lot, though. plus, my baby cousin's birthday this month will be a pool party, so im hella excited for that!!!!!!

if i can think of anything else, ill add onto this. thank you so much :3

[apopcornkernel]

trick or treat!! 🎃🦇 (btw i loved hearing about the backstory/historical aspects of your fav wip, i’m not even in the hsr fandom but it’s so interesting)

THANK YOU <33333

(i know it's literally november 3 but shhhhh, all soul's was just yesterday it still counts—)

anyways!! the next fic i wanna talk about is... also jingfu 😭😭😭 this is embarrassing

presenting: ✨ jingfu vegas wedding ✨

there was a time i got back into asoiaf and jaime/brienne, and there's this subgenre of jb fics where they get quickly married on the quiet isle for one reason or another! and i just got obsessed with this type of wedding, and then i got to thinking about vegas weddings, and then i imagined jingfu drunk and giggly and happy and my gdocs stood NO chance

what's great about jingfu is, as i hope to never stop reminding my readers, is that they're chinese living in a chinese setting wifh chinese culture. so you can't just throw them into an actual vegas wedding situation—china has its own wedding ceremonies and the luofu must have its own technological advancements in that area too! so long story short i had a lot of fun brainstorming the wedding rituals and how it would mesh with the luofu, how people would even discover a wedding has taken place considering chinese weddings CAN technically be done without witnesses if you're feeling quirky enough (like maybe legally it's not allowed but ive seen cdramas where they do the same thing so like. me 🤝 cdramas; ignoring things for dramatic flair), and generally just trying to write their world vividly enough that it doesn't feel like Vague American Fantasy Spaceship #2432

i do think i kinda succeeded!! and even if i didn't, well, in my head i can clearly visualize it and in the end this is a fic for ME and not for yall, sorry but i come first when it comes to my fanfic :P

also i wrote my thoughts on the au while we were out with paternal relatives eating hotpot, so of course their drunken wedding feast is hotpot. i couldn't resist

It was strange to see the General and Master Diviner drinking, and even stranger to see them drinking like they were racing to their graves.

At least it would be. Extenuating circumstances, Dan Heng art thy name.

i also really like these lines i giggle everytime! because i ship jingfu but i also ship jingheng in the pathetic unrequited pining old man jing yuan kinda way.... its hilarious how down bad jing yuan still is for dan heng/dan feng and so since i needed a catalyst for the drinking i used dan heng hehe

also i researched chinese constellations for this because i needed more drunk activities and i figured i could do one of those "laying on the grass and pointing at the stars" except ofc it's the luofu so that's synthetic grass and false stars and their stars are also different and it would be very weird to mention ursa major or something! so i had to do research </3 i swear the things i do for my craft

i don't know how to end this.... i guess here's another excerpt HAHAHA

Jing Yuan, thanks be to Lan, had left behind some of his formal clothes at her residence, which meant the two of them did not have to sneak all the way back to Exalting Sanctum just to nab the appropriate garments. If they had not been drunk, the journey from the gardens to her quarters would not have taken so long. Unfortunately: they were. Unfortunately: Jing Yuan was enamored with every flower that passed him by, and Fu Xuan was busy counting the number of off-color stones in the cobbled path.

They did still make it there. Eventually.

In one of Fu Xuan’s many closets were the robes they’d worn to Qixi-jie—his a simple but elegant grey trimmed with white, and hers a dainty pink, complete with a round embroidered fan. Fu Xuan took Jing Yuan’s out, shoved it into his arms, and then shoved him out. He staggered out into the hallway, and then turned to blink at her, lost.

Fu Xuan rolled her eyes. “Well? What are you waiting for?”

“Oh,” Jing Yuan said. The light came back into his eyes. “Oh! Yes.”

Stupid, she thought, and closed the door. But apparently she’d said it out loud, because he yelled, muffled, “You’re the one marrying me!”

“I won’t if you don’t shut up!” Fu Xuan yelled back.

Immediate silence.

thank you for the ask again hehehe <3

[7ndipity]

hiiii!!! i wanted to do the ship thing because i am a HOPELESS romantic and that just rocked my world tbh. ALSO CONGRATS!!!!! 🎊 🥳👏🏻🎉🙌🏻

pairing: romantic

star sign: aries

personality: i think im a pretty fun gal. from what i know im somewhat of a comedy genius but i don’t want to start flattering myself TOO much here! honestly im just down to have a good time with whoever, whenever, and wherever (if that makes sense?) i am a theatre MANIAC. i spend pretty much all my free time in theatre and dare i say im quite good. i also ended myself up on the tennis team even though its been a couple months since ive played (we will just see where that goes) I LOVE photography (it’s in my BLOOOD.) i have a whole insta account for it and sports photography really became my passion (or one of them I’m a woman of many talents) im also on yearbook and i love that, im in choir, and for some reason im on the debate team. other hobbies are really making bracelets for my friends, watching movies (letterboxd warrior), TALKING to friends (I spent 8 hours FaceTiming my friends yesterday and I didn’t even realize), and i would say im a Spotify legend.

as for the rest of my personality, I would say I’m a pretty happy person. I have been through some very rough friendships with people who are pessimistic, so I try my best to keep AWAY from that at all costs. I’m also pretty mature/ an old soul. From the ripe age of like 5 I’ve been told that I am an old soul (honestly I don’t know how you can tell at THAT age but cool!) I feel things very deeply, but I also rely on logic more so than feeling sometimes. (Unless we are involving some sort of romance I will lose control of logic and immediately make the best decision for my emotions) other music artists I like besides BTS are the beatles, tame impala, red velvet, and Taylor swift. (Music is just a big part of my personality I thought you should know.)

Appearance: I’m blonde and I’m 5’5 with green eyes. I would say I am about medium or average sized? (I’ve dealt with chronic illness and the body changes that come with that so it’s fluctuated over time.) I also have PALE skin (Edward Cullen core). I am all around quite the looker. I am sorry. I do not want to flatter myself but I am just going with the information I have been given. I feel narcissistic and TRUST that is not me. Anyways, I’m always wearing athletic shorts and a shirt with the BEST shoes (my school has a uniform so the shoe game has to be on POINT so besides that my style is really casual and basic)

I think that about sums up who I am. I am ITCHING to know which bulletproof Boy Scout would like me (but absolutely no pressure I just DEVOUR your work LMAO) have an awesome day 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

I would ship you with Hobi, Yoongi, and a bit with Jin!

You share a lot of qualities with Hobi and Jin that I think would make you a pretty good match with either of them. I feel like they would really love your energy and enthusiasm(also Aquarius and Saggitarius are a good balance to your Aries energy)

Yoongi’s also an old soul with a deep passion for music, and I think he would also appreciate your energy(similar to his friendship with Hobi)

Hope this was okay💜

[hitchell-mope]

(Third film. After “way down we go”. The camera fades to Mal’s Id outside the palace)

Id (imitating P. T. Barnum): hello again. Now. You may be wondering what’s next. So I’ll give you a clue. She’s middle aged. Has an 18 year old son. Divorced. Hails from a poor provincial town. And has been drinking like a fish since dawn yesterday morning. That’s right people! Give it up for the Queen Mother!

(The camera zooms around the palace and into one the windows of Belle’s apartments where she’s just woken up. And Elsa is not impressed)

Elsa: good afternoon your highness. I’d call you “sleeping beauty”. But those out there would get the wrong idea. And there is NOTHING pretty about this.

Belle: my tongue feels like a carpet and my breath smells like I slept ate cheese.

Elsa: you did.

Belle: oh Christ. What time is it?

Elsa: about midday.

Belle: oh god. OH GOD!!!! Where’s Ben! Where’s Gil! Where’s Carlos! Where’s Mal! Are they alright!

Elsa: if they’d gotten hurt then they’d have teleported back here. Queen Ella’s on matron duty. Oh. And by the way. Verna’s back. She’s in the library. According to her Mal’s given all of our allies magic. Including you.

Belle: it’s midday right?

Elsa: mhmm.

Belle: good. I need sangria. And vodka mocha cocktails.

Elsa: why?

Belle: I’ve just woken up. And it’s lunchtime. Drink with me. The kings mother commands it

Elsa: ohhhh I don’t like where this is going.

(This is when “the ladies who lunch” happens. After the song. Elsa looks halfway between scared shitless and highly unimpressed)

Elsa: well. That was. Vaguely terrifying. Are you done now?

Belle: I have a man in my bed

Elsa: sorry, what?

Belle: M-Maui.

Elsa: Maui the demigod Maui?

Belle: mhmm

Elsa: oh that mental image is going to haunt me to my dying days isn’t it? Okay. So here’s what we’re going to do. We’ll let Maui sleep. And we’re going to go to the War Room. Ben and the main staff are there. And you’re going to drink a Lot of coffee. Okay?

Belle: do i have to?

Elsa: either coffee or I pour ice cubes on your head

Belle: coffee please

Elsa: there we go then.

(In the War Room)

Ben: wow ma, you look rough.

Belle: I still taste cheese.

Ben: Uhkay....Anyway. Update. There is a big chance that I’ve grievously injured Maleficent. Of course she’s still wearing Audrey. So I’ve just beaten Audrey to a bloodied pulp. But it’s, you know, war. So needs myst right?

Belle: completely understandable. Ive never liked that girl. Snap her neck.

Ben: is she alright?

Elsa: she is very, very drunk. I don’t even think the hangovers set in yet.

Belle: when did Patrick get here?

Elsa: Patrick? Who’s Patrick?

Ben: he’s Mary Poppins’s umbrella.

Patrick: 607 years and someone finally mentions me by name. Well that’s a fine how do you do.

Poppins: now, now Patrick. Be nice.

Ben (jumping half a foot in the air): JESUS FUcrying out loud! Don’t sneak up on us like that. There’s a war going on you know.

Poppins: I do know. Which I why I am here to help. Now. All of you sit down whilst I tell you my plan

Belle: do you have any of that multi flavoured medicine?

Ben: Mom. Quit it with the booze

Belle: sorry

Poppins: never fear your highness. Take this

(She holds out a small yellow capsule)

Belle: thank you. WHOAH THATS GOT A KICK!!!! What was it?

Poppins: turmeric mixed with some mustard paste. Soaks up all the alcohol. Now that’s taken care of. Your highness. Where are the staff?

Ben: outside. They all insisted on keeping guard.

Poppins: call them in please

Ben: um. Sure. Mrs Potts. Cogsworth. Lumiere. Fifi. Chip. You can come in if you want.

Poppins: lovely. My plan is rather simple. Books.

Elsa: and....?

Poppins: books. Humanity’s greatest weapon is the written word after all

Elsa: are absolutely insane?

Poppins: no. The king loves to read.

Ben: yeah, I do, and usually I’d agree with you, but Elsa’s right. We need to act.

Mrs Potts: she’s right love. We have one of the biggest libraries in the world.

Lumiere: and you and your mother know it better than anyone.

Cogsworth: plus you have a highly intricate knowledge of the Dewey decimal system.

Ben: yeah, well, I know, but, we don’t have the time. We need quick ideas. And we need them now.

Belle: Ben. I know you’re worried about Mal. But she’s smart. And more than capable. And besides, you need ways of protecting the palace should the enchantments fail

Poppins: listen to your mother my liege. And besides

(This is when “anything can happen” happens. After the song. Poppins looks around)

Poppins: where did....?

Ben: Elsa go? I don’t know. She walked out rigjt before you paid tribute to Busby Berkeley.

Poppins: oh. In that case. Please do take my advice Benjamin. Now. If you excuse me. The wind is changing so I must take my leave?

Ben: wind is cha. What do you mean by that? Are we winning? Losing? Are the weather vanes gone?

Poppins: yes.

(And with that she disappears in the blink of an eye)

Ben: seriously?

Chip (brushing it off): classique Mme Poppins. Elle n'explique jamais rien

Ben: fair enough. C’mon then mother. Let’s go to tir library.

(In the library)

Belle: what the hell happened in here?

Ben: Verna. I think she took some books back to her room. She never was neat when it came to books. If we clean up the library. I might be able to find a book they could help me.

Belle: that could take a very long time

Ben: not with magic.

Belle: smart idea.

Ben: eh. I get it from you and your. What did you call it again?

Belle: mothers intuition

Ben: ah yeah. You’ve never actually told me what that entails though.

Belle: I haven’t?

Ben: nope.

Belle: oh. Well. Um.

Ben: talk and clean ma. Talk and clean.

Belle: oh. Right.

(This is when “mothers intuition” happens. After the song. The camera fades back onto Mal’s Id standing outside the cathedrals bubble amongst the burning ruins of Main Street)

Id: welcome back possums. I know things look a little dire right now. But they’ll soon pick up. Because-

Audreficent: are you quite sure about that my dear?

Id (terrified): what the hell are you doing here?

Audreficent: oh you dear sweet child. Did you really think that you and your kind were the only ones who could speak to all of those people out there at home? Everybody has multiple tricks up their sleeves. Just be sure that you do not waste yours

Id: where’s Mal?

Audreficent: you are the one who is connected to her. So. You tell me.

(Id, in horror, runs away into the distance. Audreficent turns to the camera)

Audreficent: the proceedings have been. A mite too saccharine for my tastes thus far. So I think that it is high time for my champion to awaken from his slumber

(They disappear in a puff of black smoke and Adam clambers out of the ground. This is when “the world has gone insane” happens. After the song. Back in the library.)

Ben: what was that noise?

Belle: I don’t know. But I don’t like it.

(Back in the corridors. Chip’s trying to remind Adam of his humanity)

Chip: sir. It’s okay. You can come back from this. No one is beyond redemption. No one is beyond saving.

Adam: I remember you.

Chip: yes! You do know. You’ve known me all my life. I’m

Adam: the dead little cripple

Chip: yes I’m....what?

(Adam flings Chip into a wall, killing him instantly. This is, of course, witnessed by Ben, Belle and the rest of the staff)

Mrs Potts: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Adam: now for the rest of the traitors

(Right at that moment Verna teleports in between Adam and the others and creates a woven barrier, cutting off Adam from the others)

Verna: you will NOT hurt anybody else. Not if I have anything to say about it.

Adam: Verna. Long time no see. Have you come to join the winning team? Or do I need to twist your easily broken arm again?

Verna: you will let me have my say. Then I put an end to your insanity. Once and for all.

Adam: you don’t have the guts. You didn’t have the guts then. And you don’t have the guts now. Face it. Gnat. You are beholden to me

Verna: I have thought about what we did-

Adam: what you did.

Verna:-on your orders. For 23 years. It needs to end

Adam: to soothe your aching soul(?) Get over yourself.

Verna: you just don’t get it do you? And I don’t think you ever did.

(This is when “for the rest of my life” happens. After the song. Adam shatters Verna’s neck and throws her corpse in the wall where Chip’s corpse is. He then walks straight through the woven barrier and advances on Belle and Ben)

Adam: well that was fun. But now I think it’s time for a family reunion. Don’t you?

(He teleports the three of them to the dining room and straps his son and ex wife to chairs facing each other)

Adam: there’s no use denying Benjamin. You disappointed me. You could’ve enacted Prima Nocta. Hiked up taxes for those freeloading sidekicks. Declared yourself a Godking. But no. You decided to be altruistic. Where the hell did I go wrong? Oh wait. I know

(He rounds on Belle)

Adam: I LET YOU RAISE HIM!!!! You withheld capital punishment. You let him mingle with the plebs. He could’ve been Henry VIII. But thanks to you he’s Charles III.

Ben: you stay away from her!

Adam: Ben, buddy, the adults are talking. So stay quiet!

(He waves his hand and buttons Ben’s mouth shut. Ben just puffs the button away)

Ben: you remember that I have magic right? And besides. Given that I’m a Hybrid. I’m probably already a “Godking”. As you so eloquently put it(.)

Adam: DON’T YOU BACKTALK ME YOU LITTLE BOLLOCKS!!!! Mama’s survival depends on you being the dutiful son you never were

Ben: what?

Adam (tittering): oh you don’t know do you? I have found a new partner

Ben: Yeah. We know. Maleficent told us. The psychotic bitch has also told us that she’s only started reciprocating while she’s using Audrey as a leisure suit. Which you have mercifully rejected.

Adam: the guise she is operating under is, admittedly, regrettable. But never fear. Once we’ve won and wed. You and that girl, if it can even be called that, can never marry. Step siblings and all that. You know how it is.

Ben: yes. Yes I do. But you clearly don’t. You still haven’t connected the dots yet, have you? Maleficent is not going to let you rule with her. After Mal you’re her biggest target. All Mal did was choose to be good to the best of her ability. But you. You resurrected her. You trapped her on Neverland. Yeah, we know about that too. And you still think, after 23 years, after you’ve fallen for that woman, that it’s not going to bite you in the ass. I mean. How insane can you possibly get?

Adam: wait and see. When we win

Ben: if you win

Adam: WHEN we win. You will see. The both of you will see. All of you will.

Belle: this is why I divorced you. Everything needs to be on your terms. No compromise. No losses. No admitting you’re wrong. Honestly. You just got worse after you created Auradon.

Ben: yeah well you know what happens when the ill-equipped get almost absolute power

Belle: they get corrupted absolutely

Ben: yup

Adam: ENOUGH!!!!

(This is when “you’ll be back” happens. After the song. Ben looks furious)

Ben: you’re INSANE!!!!

Adam (somewhat contemplatively): am I insane? I don’t think I am. Do they think I am? No. Nonono. No. I’m just as sane as anyone. I’m just trying to fix what’s been broke. It’s not my fault that they can’t see it. After all. I’ve gone semi-crazy before. But Belle saved me. And then she left me. And humiliated me. And took me for evERY CENT THAT I HAVE!!!! YOU DON’T KNOW CRAZY MY BOY UNLESS YOU’VE BEEN CRAZY!!!!

Ben (icily calm): I have you for a father. How much more crazy can somebody get?

Adam (shakily): you. You don’t listen. You never listened. You kept trying to do it your way. You didn’t do it the right way. It has to be done the right way. Over and over again until it’s perfected

Ben: that’s half of what Einstein said is the very definition of insanity. Face it, Adam, you’ve lost it.

Adam: only once. And never again.

(This is when “crazy” happens. After the song. Ben blasts Adam away, gets up and instantly heals his injuries)

Adam: how did. How did you-

Ben: Hybrid. Now. Are you going to continues your ballistic tirade. Or can I kill you now?

(Adam bellows and charges at Ben, who sidesteps which cause Adam to torpedo himself right into the wall face first)

Ben: would you like to try that again?

(Adam roars and sends maroon fire at Ben’s face. Who just blows it out in midair air)

Ben: parlour tricks. Would you like to see some real magic?

(Ben splits himself in two. Then three. Then four. Then five. Until they’re a hundred of him surrounding Adam in a crescent circle)

Ben (with the voice of a legion): ready for more, father?

(Adam, absolutely pants shittingly terrified, backs himself back into the wall and shakes his head profusely)

Ben (still with the voice of a legion): well you’ve lost your right to have a say.

(All 100 Bens reach inside Adam’s chest and start squeezing his aorta until Adam starts fighting back. The skirmish is brief but vicious. All the injuries being on Adam’s body)

Adam (force choking Ben): ENOUGH!!!! I WILL HAVE MY THRONE BACK!!!! I WILL HAVE MY KINGDOM BACK!!!! I WILL HAVE MY LIFE BACK!!!! AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!!!!

(Ben throws off the force choking and slams Adam back into the wall”

Ben: what is it that you always told me? “I want” doesn’t get. Well it’s all mine now. The responsibility. The power to make change and make decisions. All of it

Adam: I’ll get it all back once I kill you. I’ll kill you all.

Ben: no. You won’t. I’m going to put you somewhere you can never hurt anyone ever again.

(This is when “emperor’s new clothes” happens. After the song. Ben wakes up in one of the schools corridors)

Ben: where the hell am I?

(A few doors down he can hear Adam’s voice telling some people to hurry up and sit down)

Ben: no fucking way.

(He follows the voice and is led to his old fourth grade classroom)

Past!Adam (jovially): c’mon in son don’t be shy. Front says ready and waiting for ya

Ben: th-thanks dad.

9 year old!Audrey: Benji! Sit next to me

9 year old!Chad: he’s my best friend. He’s gonna sit next to me

Ben (sitting between them): you’re not my best friend. Doug is.

Chad: heh?

Ben: nothing.

Adam: you three settled? Good. Good. Now. I have asked Fairy Godmother to allow me to teach you this period. And she has graciously accepted my request. And today. We. Are going to learn. About. Villains. Wretched. Horrible. Villains. Who have enslaved, entrapped and extorted your mothers. And who I. Have encased in a barrier. Can you say that word guys? Ba-Ri-Er. Barrier.

Chad: Barbara.

Ben: that’s your cat Chad

Audrey: barber

Ben: old timey hairdressers your dad goes to Audrey.

Adam: now, now son. It’s okay. How about we just call it the wall for the time being? Hm? You know what it is. But do you know why it’s there? And why we need to keep it up and intact?

(This is when “why do we build the wall” happens. After the song. Ben storms out of the room and straight into his mother’s path)

Ben: what are you doing here?

Belle: Elsa.

Ben: of course

Belle: where are we?

Ben: my memories. But it’s odd. Usually you can see yourself in your memories. But I think I’ve taken my place.

Belle: what?

Ben: um. I’ll explain later. Oh great(.)

Belle: what’s happening? What’s wrong?

Ben: the scene’s melting. We must be going to a new memory.

(He’s right. The walls. The windows. The floor. Everything around them is melting into a memory. Eventually they’re in Adam’s office. Only it’s not a memory that Ben’s aware of)

Ben: i don’t understand.

Belle: pardon?

Ben: I don’t remember this at all. Did I block it out or something? Was I too young? Why don’t I remember this?

Belle: These aren’t your memories.

Ben: what? Whose are they then?

Belle: your fathers. But I remember this day. It was one of the best days of my life. Here I am now.

(Past!Belle had stormed into the office)

Past!Belle: I’m leaving.

(Past!Adam doesn’t answer her)

Past!Belle: I mean it. I can’t take it anymore. The guilt is eating me alive. I want you to come with me. But I’ll go alone if I have to. I just. I need to do something to fix this. Oh god. Would you please just LISTEN TO ME!!!!

(Her husband finally looks at her)

Past!Adam: sweetheart. Could you be a dear and ask Lumiere to put out by mauve suit with the jade tie? Thank you.

Past!Belle: Adam! Please. Listen to me. This is important.

Past!Adam: I’m sure it is. But can it please wait until later? Please? I just. I really neeed to finish this. It’s for all of us you know. You, me, everyone. Please. Then, later, we can talk about whatever you want. Thank you

(He goes back to his work)

Past!Belle: I don’t believe you. How could you have changed so much? It’s only been three years.

(This is when “later never comes” happens. After the song. Ben and Belle are back in a hallway)

Ben: what was that all about?

Belle: that was. The first time I tried to leave him

Ben: okay. So why didn’t you?

Belle: because. Two days after that. I found out that I was pregnant.

Ben: holy shit.

Belle: yup.

Ben: you stayed because you wanted me to have two parents.

Belle: partly. And partly because. I thought you might be better than him. And I was right.

Ben: wow.

(Just then. Cogsworth goes hurrying past them)

Belle: oh no.

Ben: what?

Belle: I remember this.

Ben: what is it?

Belle: this is. This is the day. When he. We? He. He put the villains on the island.

Ben: fucking hell.

Belle (hesitantly): do you want to see it? We don’t have to if you don’t want to. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.

Ben: I’ve already seen it haven’t I? So I don’t need to see it again

Belle (in a faraway voice): but not from his perspective yet.

Ben: do we. Do we need to?

Belle: I. I don’t know

(Adam goes walking past them with a hoard of reporters)

Ben: but it looks like it’s out of our hands now. Let’s go.

(They start following Adam and the hoard of reporters)

Reporter: any words on this historic day your highness?

Adam: hmmmm. Just a few

(This is when “this is the moment” happens. After the song. Ben looks like he’s about to throw up)

Belle: I am so, so sorry.

Ben: it was televised?

Elsa (appearing behind them): yes. It was on. Every. Single. Channel that day. You couldn’t escape it.

Ben: get. Us. Out of here. Now!

(Elsa grips them by the shoulders and teleports them back to the dining hall. Where Adam is still unconscious. Ben conjures a knife and goes for Adam’s head)

Elsa: no wait don’t!

Ben: are you seriously saying he deserves to live afyer everything he’s done?

Elsa: no. What I’m saying is. You shouldn’t be the one to kill him. I accidentally killed my sister once. It’s weighed on me ever since. Imagine how you would feel if you did that on purpose?

Ben: oh.

Elsa: both of you go back to the war room. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Go!

(Ben teleports himself and Belle out of the dining hall. Elsa, reluctantly, wakes Adam up)

Adam: wazzit-was-what ha-did I win?

Elsa: no, Adam, you did not win. You were never going to win. You lost. As you were always going to. Now stand still while I execute you.

Adam: YOU COST ME MY VICTORY YOU FRIGID BITCH!!!!

(He lunges at Elsa who neatly sidesteps him and roots him to the spot of magic)

Elsa (threading magic through the gaps in her fingers on her right hand): it’s funny. I’ve caused untold destruction with my magic by accident. I wonder what I can do to you on purpose

(She concentrates the magical threads into a ball of ice and forces it into Adam’s mouth and down his gullet. His face turns icy blue and starts to flash freeze from the inside out. The freezing si reads through his body until he’s nothing more than a statue of solid ice, screaming out in silent pain. Elsa looks unmoved)

Elsa: hm. Pretty. Almost seems a shame to destroy it. Ah well.

(She soars her right arm through Adam’s iced up head. And be crumbles to frozen rubble at her feet. She melts the ice into nothingness and teleports back to the war room. As soon as she appears in the war room. A wave of turquoise light washes over the palace, sending Ben into the table, laughing his ass off)

Belle: what the hell was that?

Elsa: if I’ve read the books properly. Then was a wave of grief.

Belle: then why is Ben cackling like the joker?

Elsa: because, I do believe that the person who’s died is a person that your son truly hates.

Ben (still cackling): O FRABJOUS DAY!!!! CALLOOH CALLAY!!!! OH MAL MUST BE SO FUCKING HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!! Uma must be in pain if the wave was that powerful. But still. HAHAH!!!!

Belle: Ben! Why are you so happy that someone’s died?

Ben (still chortling gleefully with a mad glint in his eyes): don’t you get it mother. It’s Harry. Harold. Icarus. Hook. Is dead.

(Far above the palace. Mal’s just been hit with Uma’s grief wave. The realisation that Harry must be dead has made her so happy that’s she’s doing complicated acrobatics through the air. She decides to share in her newfound joy and launch an aerial assault on the villains. No one notices Ned Thatch carrying Uma to safety on a Martag outside the barrier though. This is when “defying gravity” happens)

[lord-shitbox]

entire ask game. send me asks too or ill bite you really ahrd

assuming you said this for the 'weirder asks' game. godbless

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

Gozu and mezu

lighter or matches?

I like lighters more but i only have a matchbox (the striking paper on it is shit anyways)

do you leave the window open at night?

ye

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

none

what color are your eyes?

brown

why did you do that?

do wot

hair-ties or scrunchies?

Hair ties

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

None. 2 glasses and a mason jar though 

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

Cold. on ice

would you slaughter the rich?

Idc about killing them i just want their wealth redistributed

favorite extracurricular activity?

Fucking around at the grocery store en masse

what kind of day is it?

Did not do a single piece of schoolwork but i did every other possible task

when was the last time you ate?

Within the hour. Had a bowl of rice on my desk

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

ya

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

no

can you drive?

no

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

nearsighted

what hair products do you use?

none

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

If you want me to ya

do you say soda or pop?

soda

something you’ve kept since childhood?

A lot of things. Stuffed animals, jewelry

what type of person are you?

chilling

how do you feel about chilly weather?

👍 but i prefer mild temperatures. The kind of just-barely cold that isnt really cold. I don’t like wearing lots of clothes

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

Depends on who you are. for u specifically, probly not much

perfume/body spray or lotion?

Mmmm…i dont own any body spray but i have mixed feelings about the texture of lotion. It’s not actually that bad but i don’t like putting wet stuff on me (same genre of sensory dislike as wearing lots of clothing)

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

Uh.. like daydream? There’s one i used to have but its really really edgy and embarrassing 

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

Last night, 12. On weekdays its like 6

do you wear a mask?

No sorry

how do you like your shower water?

warm

is there dishes in your room?

Yes leave me alone

what type of music keeps you grounded?

Heavy stuff. Like fast and hard noises. Nothing slow

do you have a favorite towel?

yeah

the last adventure you’ve been on?

Went 2 bowser movie wth an extended group of people last night and afterwards we walked to winco and did funny things in shopping carts

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

Tbh…no. Im really good at remembering song lyrics in general but i dont think there are any in particular i memorize

what’s your timezone?

Doxx me why don’t you

how many times have you changed your url?

Never <3

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

Uhh.. not really? Am not in much contact with childhood close friends (theres one ive seen a few times recently but we haven’t actually talked). I believe i’ve known tuna for upcoming 8yrs though

a soap bar that smells good?

I dont like bar soap i like the liquid kinds. Old spice

do you use lip balm?

During dry lip season (i forget when this is) my lips get dry as fuck 

did you have any snacks today?

ye

how do you take your coffee?

With ice and chocolate in it

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

Discord & instagram 

what’s your take on spicy foods?

yum (reasonable spice tolerance)

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

Nobody…i hate some people 2 death (i dont think about them so i forget who they are) but theyre not bothering me rn so idc

can you remember what happened yesterday?

Bowser moive

favorite holiday film?

Year without a santa claus (IM MR FREEZE MISER)

what was the last message you sent?

“so far i think the only red text thats restricted to origin is mhin's”

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

Idk ive had sips in young youth. Parents would give me some so i could go “wow this tastes nasty” and not crave any ever (they were right for this)

can you skip rocks?

I may have done it successfully like twice in my life

can i tag you in random stuff?

Ya sure

[khodorkovskaya]

13.03.23

yesterday was a very thought provoking day so i want to tell you guys about it! lots of stuff about growing up/coming of age, relationships, etc, all that good stuff!

so i went ice skating with my oxford/france bestie and my student as we do every sunday and it was so much fun! im getting more and more confident on the ice! and it was great, i love spending time with friends when we're doing something like an activity , like something with a purpose you know.

then we went to get hot chocolate as we always do and since my student's wife wasn't there, he spilled some tea! we started talking about relationships bc my london bestie was in town this weekend and her bf finally got his visa so he came to our town for the first time ever! it was his first time outside of the uk and his home country so we were all very excited! but anyway, we started talking about relationships bc to be completely honest with you, im not a fan of my bestie's bf, but i'll get to that in a sec. and my student said that he's only been in love 3 times in his life. when we asked him what about his wife, he said it's not really love as in romantic or sexual love, they're just really good companions. and... they've never had sex! which honestly kinda changes my perspective on their whole thing, but also not really. he said they've only ever done kink stuff together bc they're into latex and things like that. and since she's so much younger than him, he's never wanted to have sex with her. as he desciribed it, he's not a zizi kind of guy i.e. he's uninterested in sex in general. and yeah, ive always thought he was somewhere on the asexual spectrum and this confirmed it. anyway, that was a fun fact.

now back to my london bestie and her boyfriend, im not a fan of the guy frankly. he comes off as really uninteresting and they have this whole mother-son dynamic going on, i really don't get it. he's boring and unattractive and also probably asexual or maybe gay bc he's uninterested in sex with my bestie. so i was looking forward to seeing her and i was happy that her bf could finally come to our country, but i would've preferred it if i could talk to my bestie one-on-one without his company yknow? and then my bestie also messaged me saying that she invited another friend of ours to come hang out with us and again... i feel like such a bitch but the friend she invited is just... so uninteresting. the girl has no values and sure, she'll laugh at your jokes and talk about anything, but i can't stand her superficiality. every time i hang out with her i feel like im wasting my time.

so on my way to the bar i was already imagining all the dumb conversations we're gonna be having and how bored i was gonna be, already trying to make up excuses about how i could get myself out of this and go home and work instead of gargling air with two of the most uninteresting people i know. and i felt so shitty because i was supposed to be looking forward to seeing my bestie and i was supposed to be happy about her boyfriend's visa and i was supposed to be happy about seeing that other friend bc i haven't seen her in ages. but i was just dreading it so much oh my god. i don't know what it is. am i a bitch? am i pretencious and arrogant and do i think too highly of myself? i felt awful. and even my ed thoughts were coming up on my way there. i was like "ooo im skipping lunch today im gonna be so skinny yay". like wtf. i wanted to be happy about seeing my bestie but instead i felt guilty and just wanted to go home and work...

anyway, as anticipated, i was bored out of my mind... her boyfriend's attitude was pissing me off. i asked them what they've done these past two days, like what they've visited and what their plans were. and they said that they went to the old town, walked around the lake, ate at mcdonalds and drank wine. which is fine i guess but like... there's so much to do around here and so many things to see! you can have mcdonalds and wine in london and tbh the old town is not really worth visiting if you don't know anything about it, like it's just a couple of pretty houses, it's gonna be boring if you just walk around aimlessly. like idk if i had two days to show our city to someone who's never been, i would've done so much more idk. and then the bf was like "yeahhh this place is boring it's not for me" and when i asked him why, he said that it's because there are a lot of pubs in london and not a lot around here. like duh of course if your only priority is drinking ofc you're gonna be bored anywhere you go. idk that really annoyed me. plus they didn't even go out at night so he didn't even have a point of comparison. like sure, we don't really have pubs like as in english pubs, but we have a lot of cool bars and clubs and other fun night time activities. like i invited them to the disco on ice on saturday, which is sooo much more fun than drinking wine at home come on! but they said no! and our town is the boring one, all right!

then my bestie invited me over for dinner with her parents and her ukrainian friend. and as the night went on the more and more i kept realising that i don't have much in common with her anymore. and it was so heartbreaking bc we grew up together. we had so many integral life moments together but now it seems that they weren't so integral after all. and it sucks because no one else is gonna know what i was like growing up and it feels like such an important part of me. she's the only one who's seen this part of me and yet it has no importance anymore because we barely have anything in common now.

idk it sucks and there's not much to say. we have different lives, different views, different priorities... and i really felt like the odd one out because at the dinner table everyone was kinda on the same page (except for the parents bc they're getting divorced lol but that's another story). at one point bestie's mum asked me where i was at with my studies. she asked me if i still give language lessons and do catsitting and i was like not really. i have one student who's become a friend now and for the cats thing, if my neighbour asks me ofc im gonna help out. but im not actively looking for these kind of jobs like i did in highschool because duhh im an adult now and im working. and then the mum was like "yeah, you should stop doing that. let's find you a real job" and it really like... upset me. because what about our business? no one seemed to care or ask me any questions about it. "where's you shop again?", "you sell clothes???" like guyssss this has been my family's life for years now! and im pretty vocal about what we've been doing and the project we're working on. and yet no one cares. i don't know, it made me really upset. as if everything we've been working on is not serious. as if getting a "real job" is the only thing that matters.

i don't know, i feel like there's a lot to say but there isn't much to say... it's just that me and my bestie have grown apart. and it hurts. it hurts that i can't relate to her anymore. and i don't understand her lifestyle or her opinions or her way of viewing the world. no, i do understand. but it's so unlike me. we don't value the same things. and it sucks.

and then the ukrainian girl was talking about how she went to dubai and how it's the place to be and how she's looking for a husband. and again, i just cannot relate. and felt so left out. like i don't know, ive gone through so much these past couple of months and it's incredible. but i can't share it with anyone because no one cares. everyone has different priorities... my bestie has an office job she's comfortable at, her boyfriend complains about life and wants to move to canada to find himself, bestie's mum is leaving her husband to go live with her lover and worries about how because of the war in ukraine her job's been intense, the ukrainian girl is trying to find a husband in dubai meanwhile her hometown has been destroyed. and i... well.... i can't even explain it.

i suddenly felt really scared of being alone for the rest of my life. i remembered coming home to B and feeling like i had my person. it felt nice imagining that i was not alone because i had him. but ive always felt lonely with him. but coming home and cuddling with him was nice. im scared that i'll never find my person, someone who can see and understand me, all of me. for now the only people i can relate to are "weirdos" like my student and my oxford/france bestie. they're so much fun! but is this how it's supposed to be? how do i fit in with normal people? how do i become normal?

anyway, i walked home and cried and felt very alone.

and then i had a dream about B and how i came home and he wasn't there so i called him and said "i can't do this anymore, it's either me or [his business name]". i woke up feeling satisfied that i had finally said it. but it's too late now, our relationship can't be repaired. and i can't set any ultimatums anymore and make him choose, because i chose to leave. and he chose himself. and im gonna be alone.

[ooglywooglies]

so yesterday i had a fucking epiphany when i was talking about how transmascs dont have eggs as much as transfems do and so transfems adopt male characters as transfem all the time and i was like hmm i wonder if i have any male ocs that are kinda eggy/i could see transitioning later in life (it helps that the majority of my ocs are in high school bc these projects started when i was a teenager and are frozen in time)

thank god i recently made portraits for all of them too

first one i immediately thought of was michaels:

a lot of the plot of tww revolves around him developing a crush on a new male teacher (its more of a plot device than anything theres no shippy stuff involved with that at all dw) and it kicking off some other social conflicts with the other kids around him because hes going through like a sexual discovery phase and all his friends are trying to be supportive in the most pushy/invasive way possible

and his background is hes very much The Good One out of this entire group of friends. he comes from a well off family with big expectations for him hes an honor student and hes the one that usually talks them out of trouble, hes obviously DEEPLY insecure as a result.

people do question his masculinity a lot, not in a way that usually bothers him, mostly the fact that hes kind of a later bloomer and short (canonically he gets a lot taller basically right after all this -- hes currently in tww barely just turned 16) but he does care about coming off as "the right kind of person" rejecting his attraction to men and keeping his gay best friend at a distance around other people, ive actually been really unsure about what his real sexuality is supposed to be

i originally made him as my own personal whitewashed self insert when i was 13, he was kind of a spinoff of an "alter ego" i had on deviantart where i "lied" about being a boy, ive since disconnected from him A LOT and i think when you reevaluate him as his own person he doesnt really have a lot of transmasc vibes left over

i feel like itd make a lot of sense for him to finally have his first puberty come and hit him like a fucking truck and yknow, its the exact opposite of a relief. i can imagine his family being excited that hes growing into a man and stuff and, honestly anything that makes his family proud has got to feel like getting shot in a way.

kitkat i feel like could also easily be transfem but i dont know that its because he comes off as someone who has a lot of insecurity to grapple with

kitkat is michaels' extremely social neighbor and childhood friend, hes friends with everyone, he loves to be involved in everyones drama but its because he wants to be supportive and help everyone live their best lives. kitkat finds out michaels has a crush on someone as soon as he enters the story and makes it his lifes mission to help, but michaels wont tell him who his crush is on so he goes from thinking its a girl called maddie (because michaels lies about it), pestering her about it so bad that michaels has to admit he lied but then refuses to say who the real person is, to i think he either figures it must be either him or loren (i forget, it may very well be both at different points) and switching full gear into helping him accept his sexuality (he finds out the truth near the end and i forget how he responds to that ill have to read the script again)

meanwhile the entire time its painfully obvious that kitkat is so obsessed with this because he definitely has feelings for michaels himself

and i think i have it as basically canon that once michaels moves on from his teacher crush and settles he realizes he has feelings for kitkat as well and they reunite after a couple years after michaels' family moves him to italy or something for boarding school + maybe uni idk (this is mostly for semi plot reasons in a different story but its also definitely a punishment for spending too much time with the local out and proud gay troublemaker loren)

anyway i think it could easily be that they meet again as women, or one is already transitioned and influences the other to or whatever

i think honestly they could be EITHER bi or lesbians like i think when i look back on it their confused feelings about liking each other/liking unobtainable men isnt specifically about liking MEN its about being queer in general so theres no real conflict there

something i went through as well where i had a big phase of everyone thinking im a lesbian and trying to be like "its okay if you are", just for me to turn out to be trans and gay (for men only)

winter is kind of a weird story, one that ive played with a bit before and i bring her up because i think she can be kind of a counter to my "theres no telltale signs of a transmasc egg" thing and it illustrates that transmasc eggs are harder to predict rather than theres just no signs

winter is the fujo queen, her main thing in the story is being a stalker fujoshi who harasses the boys specifically because theyre gay and even makes them kiss for her blog at one point she was originally a hateful caricature of a fandom girl back when she was created in like 2010 but now shes good and we like her okay, i know from what i just said it seems like a stretch but she is

her heart is basically never in the right place but i think winter has a lot of value as a representative of this kind of person, on some level i WAS her when i was younger, yknow shes 15, and she is weird because this kind of character could really go ANYWHERE as an adult, where we currently have her she is one of those fujoshi girls that is 100% using yaoi as an exploration of her own queerness. as the story progresses she starts hanging out with a girl i mentioned earlier named maddie and this part is not super developed but theyre supposed to team up while having completely different motivations and struggling to understand where the other is coming from, thus gaining an interest in each other through mutual curiosity and eventually dating

maddie is already an out lesbian, shes actually mostly present in the story as lukas' (lorens love interest) best friend and they bonded through both being out of state queer kids

i lost the picture but ive already drawn a more progressed winter where she started dropping a lot of her femininity but i dont know if she was going to become more just butch or nonbinary or actually transition but theres SOMETHING going on with her, i think it depends on how much she relates to the yaoi stuff that shes so obsessed with, is it all just about the idealized freedom of sexuality? does she want to BE the yaoi? i dont know, im not sure which one i like best

all i know is that if she DID transition maddie would not transition with her like michaels and kitkat they would probably just be friends

edit: forgot to say what i said on discord which is that i thought id be hesitant to have winter transition because then wed have no fujoshi representation but i realized kitkat could 100% take over as fujo queen

[pwblogarchive]

January 2005

January 2, 2005

the dog update. so alot of people seemed concerned about marley and that made me feel better. he puked every five minutes for a day or so and then went to the emergency vet. there they injected him with saline solution that made his back feel all bumpy when you petted him. now he's doing better. thank god i don't have to punch anyone cause i'm pretty little and don't like to get punched back. marley is doing pretty good now too. he's not bumpy anymore so he's back to his handsome self. all the chick dogs think he's super hot, trust me. my other dog pandora tries to hump him all the time. it's pretty gross you know. but you can't fault them for being in love. like that one disney movie lady and the tramp.

i got a new years wish about you.

- petey

January 6, 2005

chicago to los angeles survival guide: uncrustables, XOskeletons, capri suns, seinfeld seasons 1 and 2, the weakerthans, etc.

how about how the transformers was supposed to take place in 2005.

now it's here. where are all the fucking autobots.

love peter

- petey

January 7, 2005

“you are the tiny in my heart”

i haven't "blogged" anything in here in quite some time. i guess first off i must adress that i had loads of fun on our last five day stint with the midtowners, acadameisters and the gym class-o-sauruses. seeing all the people there at the shows caring about us and being totally rad and cool and awesome makes me smile from the left to right. no half smiles here. it was an awesome time for sure. anyways, im home now. it snowed tons the past few days here. i had to shovel at least a foot of snow off my car yesterday just so i could get groceries. i framed a star wars poster for my room the other day. im really happy with how it turned out. nothing else really going on. just been spending time with some friends and seeing my family. ive seen my dog a little. he's big. quite large in fact. im sorry this is a short and crappy entry but i have to go to the bathroom so bad. ill make a better one later. i promise.

January 9, 2005

“wake the dead”

i promised a more well written journal entry, and one shall be written, right now. first off, ive been home since decemeber 29th and i must say i'm lovin' it, much like the people who gorge themselves with the royal with cheese while shooting hoops. but in all seriousness, ive been hanging with my friends, seeing my family, watching my dog pee on the carpet, and it's all good. so i ate a lot today. sue me. that's right, i said sue me. just like you used to in 5th grade. and you know what? i'm still freakin hungry. i'm sitting here at my apartment, it's quarter after 5 am, theres a scary looking corpse-like women on tv telling me how to discover free money, and i have to be up in less than 6 hours for a fun filled trip with some of my friends to the field museum, or as it should be called, the natural history museum. i'm going to touch dino bones. i cleaned out my car a few days ago to find nothing of interest except i guess i spilled some coke everywhere and forgot to clean it up and my car was very syrupy. ew. funny thing happened today, i was leaving to go to my friend's place to play some card games and enjoy spicey chinese food that made my tounge cry, when this awesome homeless couple was hanging out by the garbage can in back of my place. they were really cool. they gave me one of their beers which i think i left in my friends fridge, and we talked about my car for a while because they were suprised someone had a black toyota rather than a white or red one. they assumed i had a black car because i wore dark clothes. they also thought i was a "computer whiz". i just nodded. they were really nice. i felt bad i didn't have money to give them. i also felt bad taking a beer, but i wouldve felt just as bad turning it down. it was kind of awkward. but none the less very pleasent folks. so im putting some cds on my computer to put on my ipod. im gonna continue on that path and then head to the resting place. nights.

currently enjoying:

music:

m83-dead cities, red seas and lost ghosts

the dears-no cities left

nick drake-pink moon

darkest hour-hidden hands of a saddist nation

(sorry, nothing new)

dvd:

the micheal gondry. chris cunningham, spike jonze dvd set

south park season 3

garden state

books:

none my friend

other:

-cooking steak

-putting up my empire strikes back poster after i framed it

-playing apple to apple

-having ipod parties with my one friend who would hit me in the goods if i said his/her name, so we'll just call this person 'sanders'

January 10, 2005

“its funny the way people only say stuff like "you could never be replaced" right before they replace you”

the sky is out again. i let myself get drawn into airing the dirty laundry in this funny place we call the internet again. and as much as i say "never again"- i am sure it will happen. once again proof that i am just as flawed, if not more, than anyone else. that being said. i feel happy right now- okay, like sunny and 75 degrees. thanks for that. we've got all kinds of plans that no one knows about. go listen to the new academy is song over at www.purevolume.com/theacademyis

what it looks like from the valley: Its been pouring rain here for four days straight- this isn’t a metaphor for a thing, It’s just how it goes. Even the sewers are sick of it- they’re spitting water back out. the city’s in a suspicious green light not quite haunted but definitely considering it. The boarded up windows aren’t for keeping anything out, they’re for keeping secrets like treasures inside. The basement window is cracked like a spiders web only without the queen in the middle. I pull it up and slip inside. Breathe in a hundred years of disappointment in the form of dust and water stained paper. These places are never quite like in dreams or movies but they are gold none the less. What the fuck could a kid like me ever know about LOnelyS ANGELES. I just want you to know the only reason I ever had double standards is because I cant stand the thought of just one of anything, it just feels so lonely. Pull the chain on a light that doesn’t work- pretty much that sums it up. Climb creaking stairs to rooms that used to be alive. The sunlight cuts in green-white between boards on the windows. We’re not getting out of this one. Its times like this that feel safe to be all alone. Because its my choice. I am the boarded up windows. I am the old man asleep on the porch across the street, dreaming in black and white. take a screwdriver out to fix all the bad habits that I had foolishly broken in anger- There is a chest in the corner. I crack it open and it breathes deep like it has come back to life. i read "There are two sides to digging up the past- pros: you remember things you had forgotten about, cons: you remember things you had forgotten about". Sit here on the floor barely breathing in all the dust hanging in the air like gray and brown stars. Think about the way none of these stories are finished ever because that’s how I am. I cant close the door on a thing. I just sit back in the cut and wait to be called out. never putting down the last period. Never signing off.

you feel like a new sweater on the first day of school- perfect but nervous-and tonight is just off of rocket sHIPS.

January 11, 2005

so we heard that the fob xmas cards from the tour are being sold on ebay. we think that is bullshit. they were always meant to be free for our fans and friends. we have some left so if you send a self addressed stamped envelope to korean tom cruise he will send you one. head over to his livejournal for that. www.livejournal.com/~asiandan

do not pay for them online! 

p.s. today i told patrick he needed to turn down the patitude.

- petey

January 12, 2005

ive got my stitches stitched, ive got my fixes fixed

so an actual update. so pretty much our dates consist of: i dream. i wake up at around 10 and watch lifetime movies for an hour. then i yell into patrick's room cause i am pretty much his mom out here. we then get into the car, not talking because we're both kind of grumpy in the morning. luckily the oldies station is badass out here and we become best buds again when we sing along to UB40's "i can't help falling in love..." and tony bennet's "it's not unusual" or whatever it's called. the car pretty much becomes this sweet vegas lounge. when we get to the studio, i go right to computer and pretend to work on lyrics but pretty much just play this game called runescape where i get to kill goblins and barbarian women. patrick goes and works on guitar. we eat deltaco which is like taco bell only better (if thats even possible). we then go and work on vocals whcih mostly just consists of me and patrick making fun of eachother and doing imitations of eachotherback and forth. we have some cool guests on the record, some suprises. one is flying in from chicago tommorrow, we are pretty excited. we finished a song today called "my name is david ruffin and these are the temptations"- you either get it or you don't. the record is gonna be called: from under the cork tree. again, it refers to something we think is pretty amazing. i need to get back to eating burritos and killing goblins.

peter

January 13, 2005

“bass boost”

my friend drew and i are sitting here on seperate computers. im typing a lot and drew is messing with his ipod. i got the newest mos def cd finally and i love it. i also got the todd barry cd which comes with a dvd. its extremely hilarious. on top of that, i rewarded myself with season one of x-files. not much else to report. all i have is jibberish. we both know it. im sure you feel the same way, but unfortunatly you are hungry for more words and i have the ability to feed them to you spoonful by spoonful. im worried im getting lazy. ive been sitting around and thinking about it, i recently finished doing my part of the record, and we did our 5 day tour, and that was all amazing. by the way, someone asked on our messageboard (yes i read it), what me and andy are doing in the studio. we finished tracking our stuff and are at home playing eachother in nhl 2005. anyway,now i have nothing to do, and thats cool for a while, but now im extra lazy. i mean, ive been sleeping until 5pm soley because i wouldnt know what to do if i woke up any earlier than that, so i stay up extra late so i sleep extra late. thats gonna fuck me over soon. i am excited to go out to la again, even if its for a few days. that should be nice. at least the weather will be a redeeming quality compared to the current downpour chicago is enduring. i dunno, im not bored, just worried im getting into a habit of laziness. i hope not. im gonna go to bed in 4 hours. bye!

January 14, 2005

i cant stop/stand myself

new photos and love

January 16, 2005

“in a world of sluts i keep the wet dream alive”

sorry the lj is over for now. i read everything you liked/disliked about yourselves so i feel like it went out really well. thank you for sharing that with me. though towards the end there was too much fighting and ridiculous stuff being said- including calling my friends sluts and all. i can'[t control anonymous posters except by deleting the entire thing- and you've heard it before you can say whatever you want about me but as soon as it involves my friends, i wont deal with it. it's just not what i want to read- instead i am going to read: the stranger by Camus- i'd recommend it to you. on our messageboard recommend one to me and then go outside and play in the sun or the snow depending on where you live.

cause you aint got nobody and i aint got nobody either- so lets be alone together.

January 17, 2005

“namedropper namefucker”

on my daily quest to find idiocy in human nature, i have come to a final conclusion: that many people out there are just vegetables and do not take the time to think or learn, but rather to repeat hackneyed concepts and thoughts that they have heard from a much wiser being. and usually these versions of what they have heard are botched and have been through the telephone game so many times that by the time they repeat them themselves, they come out usually as fart noises. i guess im just in a bad mood. but the only things in life i find to be genious are george lucas, jrr tolkien, morrissey and david cross. and if you think the new star wars movies suck, why don't you try and come up with different worlds, a complete history, and array of creatures and characters, and everything else it takes to make such an elaborate world that star wars is. im sick of people hating on phantom menace and attack of the clones. i cant wait until revenge of the sith comes out so everyone watches and just gets the shit knocked out of them. seriously, if the force and lightsabers arent good enough for you, then you seriously need to re-evaluate your life. anyways, i love you all and this is has nothing to do with you. it just has to do with the haters and the half-glass empty assholes who want to make the world a bummer.

January 19, 2005

“your lack of faith is disturbing”

if anyone is complaing about the "corny" level of star wars episode 1 and 2, watch episode 4,5 and 6 and try to tell me mark hamill wasn't pretty much the cheesiest dude on earth. plus, let me relay this harrison ford/carey fischer conversation at the end of empire strikes back that even though it's cool, harkens back to the essence of cheese: leia "i love you", han, "i know". i rest my case friends. cgi's aside. and no one is arguing that jar jar was awesome, but no one ever brings up the gay droid marriage between c3p0 and r2d2. im not trying to compare jar jar, but just think about it. take care!

January 20, 2005

“more…”

im quite bored and im going to continue with this. this is in response to our beloved message board. first off, someone mentioned that the original star wars weren't corny at the time of their release. just because something is corny doesn't mean it isn't good. original trilogy was delightfully corny by past and present standards. talk to my parents, they saw all three in the theaters and will tell you the same. second, qui-gon jinn was totally undeveloped and one of my least favorite jedi to grace the films. hayden as anakin rules cause he's super pissed off and he's totally gonna flip out in episode three. look at his huge flip out in episode two: when he went on a tusken raider massacre. that was excellent. anyways, i cant wait for lightsaber technology. sign me up for the testing. cut my arms off, i just want to see that thing in action. am i a big enough nerd to sit down and figure out the star wars theme? yes. well, most of it. i could probably play it with my vader mask but that thing is a bit to small for my head and makes my face sweaty. my big nose makes it hard to wear. oh, and thank you liz for the info on darth tater. im gonna have to pick that guy up as soon as it hits. its darling. i do lots of bad lightsaber and spaceship noises when im bored or when i space out (no pun intended). i have a list of star wars things that ive been compiling in my head for everyone who likes star wars, minus the obvious ones like watching the trilogy:

-check out imdb.com and search under the star wars movies and check out the trivia, really interesting stuff about people they were going to originally cast, original versions of charcaters and such

-if you're into video games, most of the star wars games out there are really lackluster but there are a few that i love. both knights of the old republic and knights of the old republic II: the sith lords are totally amazing. they are sort of prequels to everything that happens in the first three episodes of star wars and there are no familiar characters whatsoever. those are probably some of the most addicting games ive ever played. also, star wars battlefront is awesome. it has sort of a halo aspect to it and takes place both during the clone wars and during the rebel/empire wars and you can play on both sides. i also sort of liked the jedi academy games but the controls suck and action games get really boring.

-the clone wars comics are totally awesome and tell you whats going on between episode 2 and 3.

-theres also lots of star wars books, but a lot of them aren't great.

-the clone wars animated series vol 1 is being released on dvd in march. i liked it a lot. also, episode 3 comes out in may and the episode 3 game, which looks cool as hell, comes out in may as well, about 4 days before the movie.

im a nerd for real. most of my opinions are really biased. dont be like me. go outside and go sledding or learn to knit or start working out. bye!

January 24, 2005

“isn't it messed up, how i'm just dying to be him”

sometimes i look back at the things i write and just want to throw it away. its like when it gets kind of bad the words just fall off my tongue and fingertips. but when it's at it's worst- its just contrite and cliche. not that any of this matters. but when posts are disappearing it's just me realizing i am being overdramatic. we're looking in mirrors and laughing cause we're in on it (princes of the scene, makeout queens).

you're making it okay: uncrustables (strawberry only), tiny hoodies from the little boys section of thrift stores, new bright eyes, this movie windy city heat- i swear to god it is the funniest movie i have ever seen, elliot smith "from a basement...", chocolate cake milkshakes, full moons, 80 degree weather in january, catcher in the rye (almost as cliche as me, but its the best there is, its safe), stealing clothes from photoshoots instead of doing laundry (never should have let us try on the clothes hahaha), the san diego zoo, bob for buying me an electic scooter-FBR tour is gonna be radical, new panic at the disco song, patrick laughing at me trying to squeeze into hilarious jeans- i promise you it's gonna happen, champaign for my real friends- real pain for my sham friends.

i think you're gonna like the new record, it's like a day away from being finished- at least the recording part....

as for the internet drama. its over. we're all friends- and fob fans are way cooler than any other bands. you are the only thing that makes it worthwhile.

"it feels like the first day of my life, glad i didn't die before i met you".

peterabbit

January 25, 2005

“technology doesnt work”

so i just wrote a really really long entry on this thing using my sidekick. hell, i even referenced sanders. yea thats right sanders, whatcha gonna do about it? nothing cause your hands are too small to punch a hole through my gut. so anyway, my sidekick took a crap on it. so now i have to write a WHOLE new one. ugh. the things im compelled to do. first off, what the hell is with celebrity weddings and e! thining we give a fuck about them? seriously, i dont care what slutty dress barbara walters is wearing to trumps wedding and i dont care about trump and his lackluster combover. he spent 35 million on his wedding. what a moron. seriously dude, spend 100 bucks on a vegas wedding, put the rest on black, double your money, buy some of those sick wrap around oakleys and do a bachleor walk down the street telling everybody that you're hot and these babys aren't even close to street legal, and refer to your awesome thighs when you say that because you know youll be wearing bike shorts. So I want to own a bear that rides a motorcyle with a shark on his back. Seriously, that dude would be like "I'm sort of in your face, I don't mean to be, but I'm a little in timidating. Please, stop making fun of us because we do two on one cycle here. Its how we like to ride. Its comfortable that way." And then he'd be like spear spear spear spear victory ride! so im excited to get home, see the folks, see the friends, see the woodsman, study on some boron, just get all the things done i need to. allright, this is my entry substitute. the other one was better but i forget most of what i wrote.

January 27, 2005

holy fuck.

please be my date to this [link to corpse bride trailer]

Oh yeah and "the boy with thorn in his side" is now available in all hottopics. Thanks to you guys for bugging em to get it in... Now pick up a copy there!

Peterpan

January 29, 2005

we have finished recording our new record and have a couple of weeks of mixing before we head home to chicago. just to let you know this was one of the hardest and most important things i have done in my life. i spent hours and hours trying to think what words would mean the most, what we had to say.

i am listening to the rough versions of the songs.

i hope that when it's finally said and done it means as much to you as it does to me.

p

- petey