#anyway it was super fun and i am so so tired.....
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before the concert I was like "ok but I really do not have the budget for any merch 🙏🙏🙏gotta stay strong" and then they were not selling any merch and I am still 😭😭😭 abt it....
#kostek original#anyway it was super fun and i am so so tired.....#i skipped a ballet class today bc i would not be able to make it in time but im thrice as tired as i wouldve been
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Jonelias Week Day 1 (Which is definitely today I swear), for the prompt "No Powers AU"
This one... maybe got away from me. This is actually only the first half of what I've written so far, and probably the first third overall! I do plan to post this to Ao3 at some point (although I suspect I'll need to do a lengthy round of editing first lmao). It's some very self-indulgent nonsense, which is a lot of what I write, but now it's getting put in the main tags of a ship during said ship's event week. So. It may also be a little bit "aromantic dude tries to figure out what having a crush is supposed to be like." Also a lot of "dude who took Principals of Accounting once pretending it knows what office work is like." Anyway, quick warning before we begin, and the rest will be under the read-more:
Stalking (played for laughs) for most of the fic.
Just. A weird amount of obsession.
Ok that should be it I think. Fic under the cut.
Jon's new boss was, quite possibly, the most boring man in the world. He wore the same outfit every day (pale dress shirt with dark unpatterned tie and gray slacks and matching suit jacket). The only personal effect in his entire office was a potted plant on the windowsill (some sort of succulent, and definitely fake). He always arrived to work exactly half an hour early and left exactly half an hour late. The only hobby he appeared to show any interest in was scheduling, which he seemed to find both deeply engaging and remarkably irritating. In fact, he was apparently so opposed to the idea of mixing his work with his personal life that he might as well not have existed beyond the walls of their office. Jon had never been more fascinated by anyone else in his entire life.
It stared with the transfer to the accounting department. Elias had met with him personally to get him acclimated to his new role. He had been blandly polite, and blandly handsome, and Jon had stopped listening to him about five minutes into their conversation. It was probably bad form, really. The software Elias was droning on and on about sounded like it was about to become a central feature of his days. He really should've been paying attention to it. Instead, he pretended to make eye contact while zeroing in on the top of Bouchard's forehead (a very useful trick, really) and became inordinately focused on the small lock of hair that had fallen across it. It was terribly distracting, and Jon had wondered how he hadn't noticed it. And then he wondered how it had come to be there. And then he had built up an entire story involving a murder, an illicit affair with the assistant director of marketing, and the potted succulent. And then he had noticed Bouchard eying him with what could've been suspicion or amusement or irritation or nothing whatsoever, and had been forced to rapidly pretend to care about their company's bad debt expense policy. Bouchard had indulged him, and had spoken with the calm authority of someone who knew what they were talking about, and had even managed to avoid being overtly condescending (a feat forever out of Jon's reach). At the end he had shaken Jon's hand (with a nice, firm grip), and had told him "I'm looking forward to working with you, I'm sure you'll make a wonderful member of our team." Jon had left that meeting with a mind shrouded in a fog of boredom and a faint sensation of warmth which he decided was best attributed to curiosity and left otherwise unexamined. Over the next few weeks, Jon had tried to subtly inquire into Bouchard's life. At the time, he had been naively under the impression that surely he must have let slip something about his life; some odd quirk or funny story or harmless bit of information which could justify Jon's blooming curiosity. Unfortunately; "He lives in Chelsea, I'm pretty sure?" (Sasha) "He's currently in a meeting. Honestly Jon, you'll be better off just sending an email. Now can I please get back to work?" (Rosie, probably lying about the meeting) "He actually lives here in the office. Set up a cozy little home away from home in one of the storage closets and sneaks out at night to raid the canteen. And he's having an affair with the assistant director of marketing." (Tim, definitely lying (but maybe a mind reader? Also, full of brilliant ideas for places Jon could maybe set up a cot whenever he needs to stay overnight)) Clearly, Jon would have to take matters into his own hands if he wanted answers. That was fine. It could be his own private little research project.
Jon liked to think that the entire thing had actually been quite reasonable, and that he had acted within the bounds of their pre-established relationship as employee and supervisor. Surely any rational person had to realize that nobody could possibly be that uninteresting. Anyone would be curious as to what dark secrets Bouchard his behind his well-tailored suits and polite, professional demeanor. … perhaps most rational persons would not meticulously record the movements, behavior, and daily appearance of their colleague in a discreet notebook (with annotations, color-coding, and graphs where appropriate), but Jon had always prided himself on his dedication to research and understanding. So far Jon had collected frustratingly little data. If Bouchard was hiding anything, it wasn't apparent from his schedule (see pages 8-13, figure 2.b), his eating habits (see page 22), or his lone plant (see page five, figure 1.c). His breaks did seem specially timed to avoid other people (and he appeared not to engage in many social behaviors generally), but he never acted irritated or otherwise unhappy to encounter one of his subordinates, so Jon wasn't entirely sure if it was deliberate avoidance or simple coincidence. Really, the only truly odd thing about him was his inexplicable interest in Jon. That very morning, for example, Bouchard had stopped by his cubicle for a fifteen minute discussion on the upcoming Annual Team Luncheon, an event Jon had never attended before (due to an annual migraine which coincidentally always happened to occur on the exact date of the luncheon), which Jon did not plan to attend, and which honestly sounded like some sort of violation of the Geneva Convention. The topic itself was not especially odd (small talk was an archaic tradition which had stubbornly clung on in every workplace Jon had ever set foot in), but Bouchard's low propensity for inter-office socialization combined with the fact that he had both chosen Jon specifically as his conversational partner was… highly suspicious. Most people who encountered Jon inevitably concluded that he was more effort than he was worth (an attitude Jon mostly appreciated).
And of course, there had also been their interaction two days ago, when Elias had paused briefly to inquire as to whether Jon would be staying late, and what he was working on, and if he might perhaps consider heading home soon because there was only so much overtime they could pay him. Or on Friday, when he had managed to hold two separate conversations with Jon where very little was said. Honestly, Jon somewhat suspected that Elias had spoken to him more in the past few weeks than he had spoken to any of their colleagues for the entire time Jon had been there to observe him. Most of Jon's notes were now dedicated to their interactions. From his cot in the unused storage room (which was indeed a good place to stay overnight, thank you Tim), he could jot down everything he recalled about their interaction; it had begun at 8:32 and had concluded at 8:47; the weather was warm and slightly humid, although the office interior remained at a comfortable 21 °C. Bouchard's shirt had been a nice, cool gray, which complemented the silver of his eyes. Jon (who had been busy digging for his favorite pen (the ink was a lovely deep green color, and it was usually kept on the left side of the top desk drawer, and Jon had no idea where else it could have possibly gone)) had settled on "irritation" as his tone, which Bouchard either had not noticed or had not cared enough to acknowledge. He had easily dominated the conversation, and Jon could admit in the sanctity of his research journal that his voice had been soothing enough to cool away some of Jon's annoyance. He wrote his conclusion: Subject behaved near-identically in tone, posture, body language, and apparent mood as he has in all previous communications. Subject displayed no strong thoughts or opinions on subject of discussion nor conversational partner. Interaction was pleasant but slightly dull, no new information discovered. It was almost exactly the same as every previous conclusion. Jon had to admit, so many months with so little progress was… discouraging. He shifted on the narrow mattress and winced when his movements aggravated his backache (which was surely unrelated to his frequent occupancy of the cot). It was becoming more and more apparent that the only possible solution was to do some actual, direct investigation. His first idea (break into Bouchard's office) seemed a tad far (also, he didn't know how to pick locks). His second idea (follow him home) seemed a stretch further than the previous one, and was perhaps best saved as a last resort. His third idea (something something computers? (perhaps "idea" was a bit generous)) would almost certainly require Sasha, who would have questions Jon couldn't answer. He flipped idly through his notes, half-skimming, half-thinking. It was only when his gaze landed on figure 2.b, Weekly Schedule of E. Bouchard, that he actually came up with something reasonable. Something actionable.
#wish there was a way to search for all italicized text in a wordpad document... cause tumblr de-italicized it all lol#anyway jon manages to be an eye-aligned Freak even when the eye doesn't exist#worried this is ooc tbh but fuck it we ball ig.#anyway hope you enjoyed.#i am. i am so unbelievably nervous about posting this in a way that invites the scrutiny of people beyond my trusted mutuals.#anyway i'm personally deeply entertained by the idea of elias trying to be the most boring version of himself possible.#like just for fun. he's having a great time and nobody else is sure that he has a personality. idk it just speaks to me#also i made them accountants because that's my destiny. there are spreadsheets in my future. the stars have spoken.#but that's ok because i like them. they're kinda soothing honestly.#i really enjoyed principals of accounting tbh.#i barely know what i'm typing at this point i'm super tired lmao.#but this isn't about me this is about Them.#jon saw elias (barely talks to anyone. has never mentioned a personal life. primarily focused on Work.) and went 'wow. freakish.#i've never seen this behavior in anyone before. anyway i'm going to avoid speaking w/ my coworkers whenever possible#and move into a storage closet so i can stay late whenever i want.'#elias 100% knows about that btw. i imagine its the sort of thing that would be difficult to hide. he's not gonna say anything tho <3#anyway sorting tags#jonelias#joneliasweek#joneliasweek2024#sparkwrites#anyway time for sims4 i think.
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I’m gonna be obnoxious about this guys, I am soooo sorry 😅 I am just trying very hard to dig myself out of a financial hole while I am job hunting. I have my KoFi and my Patreon but also Venmo and PayPal. Anything helps, fr.
I do have Comms open, as well! 2 slots right now with 3 different tier options. 💖 share this around too, if you can. Thank you!
#rottmnt#fan art#ocs#commissions#art commisions#Starr’s Art#digital art#sketches#sketch pages#full renders#line art#me offering full renders is so so so rare but I like doing them sometimes so!#snag one if you can#but sketches are also super fun so AH#anyway pls share as much as possible#I am so tired of my account sitting in the negative
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i just took a dance class taught by theee vincent rodriguez iii??? and we learned don’t be a lawyer choreo????? 2018 holl is screaming
#literally so much fun#and so scary lmao#i’ve never taken a dance class before#and my relationship with my body is. an ongoing battle lol#but i’m so glad i did it#because i mean????#crazy ex girlfriend helped me through some of my worst times in college#and is the REASON I MADE THIS BLOG#and i know i’m not on here super often anymore#but like. softnow is still very much a part of who i am yknow#anyway#i’m sweaty and tired and waiting on a pizza now#do the thing that scares you!#personal
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day 196! :)
#i saw this image deep in my album yesterday and thought ‘i need to post this immediately’ so here we are :)#HES SO !!!!#dallon weekes#idkhow#aughhhhh ..#fun fact i saved this image on may 1 last year#which just reminded me again that iM GOING TO MISS DALLONS BIRTHDAY IM SO UPSET#AUUUHHHGHHGG#im going on a 5 day trip on the 1st which im Not Super Excited about#i dont get to dallonpost on MY birthday i dont get to dallonpost on DALLONS BIRTHDAY . 😞😞😞😞#i made a promise to myself that since i didnt save any images of him on his bday last year i would this year and#god has a way of steering my ship into thunderstorms and jagged rocks i think#weird d metaphor. i am Tired#anyway sorry for yapping dally smile :3 🫶#god hes so gorgeous. im gonna draw this image#traditional. im getting sick of digital#SORRY SORRY#ENJOY THE DAL
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I really liked Ramon's idea of filling a tag with cute little things for Fit's birthday, and I was like "Hey, I got a bit of time to spare today, I can whip something up real quick. Surely I don't have THAT many clips of Fit!"
Well...
#mod talk#head in hands#I don't even think this is all of them this is just ones I've remembered to tag with Fit's name#I've been archiving since last April. I've got. A lot of clips. Which I should probably be putting on an external hard drive at this point#Anyways re: the video; I've whittled it down a lot and it's still almost 5 minutes long#I am NOT going to post a 5 minute long video I'm cutting this thing down to like. 3 minutes MAXIMUM#I don't think anyone would watch that and frankly even 3 minutes is pushing it#I liked the last big compilation edit I did before recent events made me unhappy about the subject#So I'm mostly doing this for my own sake and for fellow fans because I think it'll give everyone a laugh#also Ramon because his admin is a sweetie for thinking of this#anyhoo. ya boy's real tired but putting these things together is pretty fun#it's time consuming but tbh the hardest part is just the subtitling. It's just super tedious and time consuming#the rest is fun even if it's also a bit time consuming#I try to keep RA pretty light on textposts but I think it's fun sharing behind the scenes notes about what I'm working on
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i will return on tumblr soon bcs i'm graduating hs soon and acads r done so i have a Lot of time on my hands for now Anyway can i just say am very proud of myself. got into the Top 1 school in my country, top campus, and a vv competitive stem course. yay 😁💝💘❤️🔥✨
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#it's hilarious bcs i got waitlisted for compsci#which i'm actually rlly proud of bcs i didn't take the exams that seriously and most of jhs was online#compsci competitive af man#but i prove my worth both online & onsite ^_^ always straight As baby! even this gr 12 LOL <3#i got into my 3rd choice (2nd choice was psych i am So glad i didn't get in i ended up not wanting it anymore. also competitive asf so i'm#ok w that) WHICH IS the best possible outcome actually bcs it Is my dream course.#i will reveal more another time tho ... >:)) Anyway am just super proud hehe. also of my twin (we both passed & all that <3) ^___^#also my friends !! barely any passed actually and even then i know only like 10-15 of ppl in my whole school who Did pass#and less so for their first choice/dream course or their preferred campus#MWHAHAHAHAHA >:))) ok i'm not shitting on anyone tho i'm just so so so proud and happy#gbye i am busy tho relaxing LMFAO i've been getting 12 hours of sleep the last 3 days. god. school was tiring af#but i'm a weirdo so it's fun B) Amen. i like saying amen despite being this rlly agnostic/atheist person LMFAOOO#upcat i love u. ty for loving me LMFAOOAOAOAOAOAOAO#so proud idk ig. i knew i'd make it (i hope thsi doesn't come off as pretentious) but i didn't know exactly Where#but the universe did its thing and i got into my dream school dream campus dream course#unsure abt dream school really but it's upd or not up. and also def my dream course ^_^
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think it shouldn’t have been legal that my first day of teaching of the year coincided with grey and rain and storms. however! have some very lovely new students, some very enthusiastic returning ones, there’s new cookies in the cafe, and I get to play with pendulums tomorrow, so there are some (many!) positives
#teaching#text post#my post#my knees are unimpressed#by the combination of being back on my feet lots and whatever the weather did I think#but the cookies are truly magnificent#and it’s cute to see the students again they’re very nice and excitable mostly#but I am tired#ok this post was mostly an excuse to just divulge how the day has gone#it felt very autumnal this morning with grey skies and wind and the smell of rain which is kinda nice yknow getting that October feeling in#but god it’s gonna be such a long term#like ridiculously so#I have all these resolutions about doing more hobby stuff in the evenings and stretching more but like#we’ll see considering: the Tired#anyway the pendulums lesson is not even fully planned but I wasn’t about to stay super late on literally day 1#I plan much better in the mornings anyway#and start as you mean to go on right#so that’s morning’s problem#but it’s pendulums it’ll be fun#tomorrow’s my first non-stop day of teaching (ie no free periods) in two years soooo#wish me (and my knees) luck for that one#those are usually ok once you get into them cause time just flies#but planning is a pain and I’m out of practice doing them cause I had none all of last year thankfully#ok that’s my update I think it’s bedtime#if you’ve read all these tags I am very impressed have a cookie 🍪#less impressive than the cafe ones but still good
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sick + tired of going through the barbie tag and seeing all these posts about misogynistic reactions and how the movie is actually pro men guys!! and how allan is queer coded!! i’m tired of talking about men i’m tired of ryan gosling getting all this attention when margot robbie was fucking showstopping and greta gerwig directed it. the people talking about how it’s a toy commercial and not actually leftist can stay tho
#rant post#leon talks#barbie#can we please not center men for one (1) second. i’m so tired#anyway i do have my own thoughts about how the movie portrays capitalism and a lot of them are negative so 👍#i am capable of nuance tho. the movie is incredible and super fun too
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I really lost an entire fucking WEEK to being sick huh like hrrrGGGG i had STUFF to DO. also i felt slightly better today so i tried to like gung ho do stuff and honestly im exhausted from doing like two things :(((( AND i have to be at stupid fucking work at 8 am tomorrow DDDDDD:
#yes i am WHINING but i literally had THINGS to DO#i have like three major sewing project to try and get done in uh. seven days. and im still sick. and im working everyday this week#also my paycheck is a good almost $300 less than it should've been bc i was SICK for a WEEK#im genuinely like. angry.#also had to fucking bribe one of my coworkers to fucking go in to work to cover my shift#bc he was like. oh yeah i know i literally promised you less than 12 hours ago to go in but now i like. don't wanna. im tired#FUCK OFF???#im so annoyed im like that's not how any of this works. and this was like. less than an hour before the shift started he was like#well i don't like. want to#and im like cool. great. super cool.#*mentally adds u to my list of entirely unreliable people*#sorry for tag rambling i just feel like garbage#i missed seeing nightvale live because i was sick#this was the first week were i was supposed to have like loads of time and do some fun things and get some stuff done that i had had in lik#over a month?#so i was. excited. for naught.#anyway uhhh bite kill bite bite bite kill
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realizing now how uncomfortable i am looking at myself in photos is both because of the trans thing but also general appearance issues
#i would say 80% of it is trans stuff because looking at myself is easier now if not perfect still#with my short hair but also it’s hard because i don’t think i’m like. i was never really attractive but it was easier to look nice#as a girl i feel like#whereas if you dress up masc as fem it just reads as like not well to gen soc i guess#this is so silly but i imagine often if i would look better if i took T#which i think shouldn’t be on your mind while taking it but alas#anyway this is all coming up bc im taking lots of pics on my trip#having lots of fun but am super tired. v&a best museum#art museums are so sexy#seeing seven sisters tomorrow and i am Ready and praying for sun#i need to go to tate britain too. sargent u are not ready for me motherfucker
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hi besties im back on here !!
#super tired today#i think I’ll be going out to spend the day with my abuelo?#at his new house#which is super far out and in the middle of nowhere 😭#but im excited because i love being with him#he’s such a fun man#anyways that’s not till later so#here I am now :)#chit chat with coco <3
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bg3 is eating all of my time and yet i still stay hyperfocused on oxII so i haven't had much to say about it but i will say things now that i've entered act 3 which i believe is the last one!
was worried that i was gonna dislike all the characters besides wyll and karlach and while those two are absolutely my favs, i am relieved to report that i like everyone quite a bit. before playing i had this sense that the character development for most of the party members would be paced a little weird because of how big the world is and though i'd say that is still true, it doesn't actually matter. it did not end up having an effect on how much i care about them pretty much at all. shadowheart and astarion took/are taking the longest to grow on me, predictably, but i was shocked by how instantly i enjoyed gale since his type of character almost always rubs me the wrong way. but he doesn't really fall into the usual stereotypes that irk me so. yay! i also thought lae'zel would be one of my favorites but i think she's settled in between shadow and astarion.
struggled for a hot minute trying to decide if i wanted to romance wyll or karlach and lost my shit when i realized their storylines were connected and that they both ended up as infernal beings that like to dance. like yeah i get it i have a type whatever leave me alone. i chose wyll because i had my eye on him before i even knew karlach existed. he is cute :')
karlach's "ah, i love this time of year. the dickheads start popping up everywhere you look." line made me laugh-cry because i thought it was so unexpected and funny and i can count the times that has happened in my life on one hand.
here's my mc,
her name is physalia. she's a drow bard who loves lightning magic. her design isn't my fav because i was kinda in a rush when customizing her but my aesthetic choices ended up working really well for the mc symbolically, so i am not mad!
circus of the last days has been the best part of the game so far,
aaaand ok that is it for now hopefully i will finish it soon because i want my life back! LMAO
#digi discusses#i should clarify i AM hyperfixating on bg3 but basically just the gameplay which is SO rare for me#especially in such a story rich game like this. like wdym i am not fixating on these super in depth characters whadda hell#but nothing can defeat oxII the oxII characters are everything to me. living up here rent free for life. rentfree#anyway. most of the time hyperfixating is fun but 5% of the time it can end up being agonizing lol. this is one of those times.#adhd is a double edged sword! i wanna draw rex!#i am really loving the game i hope this doesn't come off as dismissive its really good! but i am tired and miss talking to people
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I did it!! I finished the next chapter of You Know Where the City Is! I'm going to do another read through and post it tomorrow 🥰 Thank you so much for everyones patience!
#allylikethecat#fanfiction#you know where the city is#matty x taylor fake dating fic#matty x taylor#the updates that only i care about#but they're fun for me so im posting them anyway#i ended up having to stay an extra THREE HOURS at work#after waking up at 4am this morning to go ride the feral creature i call my horse#so i was like i am going home and refusing to leave it tonight#and now im going to bed again because wow i am tired#im actually really happy he was a lil feral today though#after he tried to die on me on monday its super nice to have him back to his semi psychotic self#like his two settings are perfect angel boy i would trust with my mother who is scared of horses#and feral demon that i constantly threaten to send to the glue factory#today he was a demon pony because taytay went past super fast on the golf cart and he decided to use that as an excuse to be naughty#as if that wasn't something he sees every day of his life and usually doesnt care about- but today it was HORRIFYING#he finished up really good though and got all his lead changes... where they were SUPPOSED to be instead of just randomly added for ~flair~
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sometimes (often) i think about the characters i kin or relate to and then the realization comes in again and again that i need therapy (/lh?)
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#unfortunately i doubt i will ever get therapy bcs i have this. thing. idk. but i believe in myself to just rely on myself?#and yeah i uhh can go on more about that BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS sorry i suck at explaining things. anyways#humans. interesting. i am fascinated by humans and myself and i'm tired of typing now GOODBYE anyways xiv music is so fucking good#and also idk how to interact w others sorry ..... i am scared of getting close to people bcs everyone i've grown close to has ended up#leaving me or i mess up! but tbh it's better now i think and also not as bad as i think but sorry i still have bad issues with. that#me saying i don't want to type anymore and then proceed to rapidly type out so many words oopsies#pls just do not PERCEIVE ME !! unless you want to ig but idk why you'd want to do that uhm#yk i like tumblr most out of all social medias bcs it feels like i can... sort of just be my weird self here! and it's not fully nice#and i still have anxiety problems and overthinking problems and whatnot which is evident by my 100+ notifs i havent checked since#christmas but that's not the point (?) idk whats the point honestly uhhhh nvm (??)#OH I LOVE FF SO MUCH tbh it's w/o a doubt still my favorite series ever but drake/nier is also up there for sure#which i think is amazing bcs i have yet to finish a game. and ive only like played idk 5 hours of replicant and automata#and then ive already spoiled myself on important aspects of all games but that helps ngl uh. i could explain but im tired of typing#ANYWAYS GOD actually noehgjbsejhbghjes i really suck w interacting w others i really wish i were better at all that#im not super introverted or shy im just kinda awkward and anxious but im a fun person and all and idk#and tbh its interesting thinking abt my personality... some parts of me havnt changed at all from a bit (/pos) like my lively. aspect of my#personality !! i was a bundle of energy and a little annoying (perhaps unintentionally but now i think its a bit more on purpose lol)#but the only person who really sees my true self is me. and the closest to that is lune. but even i dont know who i really am#and yeah... wnvr im like woa ill make more friends !! and then when i have the opportunities i suddenly dont care anymore IT SUCKS#anyways i think i have Opportunities now again so lets see haha ?? at least uhh in school. its like 2nd sem and i dont rlly have friends#as usual haha that sounds so sad help BUT its not like im disliked im just rlly quiet and shy at school..... throwback to 7th grade tho#that was rlly the worst but also now is just as bad in a diff sense but back then i cldnt talk w my crush at ALL i didnt speak at all im so#sorry about that HELPPP I RLLY JUST CLDNT SPEAK anyways moving on in my class rn i do have a group of sorts. like#we're grpmates wnvr theres grpworks and we can pick which is nice! ive been classmates w em all b4 and theyre the cool kids#but in the more fandom sense and one used to be a close friend of my twin and of mine too by extent and then the other was someone#who knew me when i was more extroverted so yeah uhhh anyways#OKAY ALMOST MAX TAGS im DONE rambling. bye. hopefully. bye. oh god
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maybe i’m just finding any issue with situationship guy before we have sex bc i’m feeling weird about sex but also maybe he wasn’t wrong when he said he was clingy and i do not care for it
#personal#i called him bud and we had to have an extremely long talk about it#like literally said no problem bud and we had to have a 2 convo on it bc it was too nonchalant and aloof#anyway half way through when i got through to him that im having to comfort him for two hours about calling him bud#he was like holy shit you literally just called me bud i am so fucking clingy i am my mother#like it went from 2 hour convos at 3 am or while i’m at work explaining that im not a horrible person for x#i was like hey if we’re gonna do this every night we should stop talking bc wtf do you even like about me#he stops doing that#then he gets upset i’m not emotionally open i call him on the fact he’s treating this like a relationship and im his girlfriend#when i was very upfront what i can do emotionally and it’s not that#he noticed that and said he’ll try to stop but it’ll still happen and i’ll still be like dude. we’re not that and you’re not entitled to#that#and i can’t tell if it’s the tiredness from weed/ work/ staying up later to hang with him/ talking at length#or if i’m just genuinely sick of this and want to break it off#and like he doesn’t get it which is also annoying#bc he wants to and hang and despite me saying i’m tired is still hitting me up at like 1 am u up#not a sexy text that’s when he’s out of work#and i went out late while mad tired bc he had the day off (rare) and i felt bad#and i like when i miss or ignore late night texts bc i don’t want to accidentally land in a long ass convo when i have work in the morning#and godddddd he’s just kinda emotional#like he’s fun to talk to or hang with and there’s physical chemistry but also so much of this is so much work and annoying#and the night i was like we should break this off i even said this is a lot of work for a dude who did me dirty#and also it feels weird bc it’s very unbalanced on liking bc he rlly likes me and wants to date and i definitely don’t want that#i kinda want to cut it off if we have to have a super long chat again. like i told him im fine reassuring him now and then#but if it’s a daily or hourly thing we should cut it off bc that’s too much for me OR him but mainly me#or maybe it can be chill and we can just hang out/ have sex/ maybe go on dates and then it can end in a while when it’s run its course#either way i’m gonna have to end it bc he def won’t#to be clear i’m not being super mean i invite him out to the movies and drive him i drive him to taco bell just to hang im putting work in#but i just wish people were more comfortable with themselves and liked themselves#call me avoidant but i wish people were more comfortable with themseleves and being alone sooooooooooooo fucking bad
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